CWCki - User contributions [en]

CWC - Hand Drawn Original

2010-02-02T20:35:55Z

Popobawa69:

On 4 [[August 2009]], [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] uploaded "'''CWC - Hand Drawn Original'''" in another attempt to prove that he is the TRUE and HONEST CWC and not the fake, this time by showing the trolls how he draws [[Sonichu]]. Interestingly, in the video's description, Ian says that he wanted to upload the video to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Jeff's]] account, but that he decided otherwise.

One would think that the only reason he did this is to show to [[Kacey]] that she is dating the [[CChanSonichuCWC|"imposter"]], as IBA alone can only draw Sonichu correctly. It also seems that Ian is so deluded that he believes Kacey fell in love with the world of Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] (which he claims to be his own), and not [[CChanSonichuCWC]]'s personality. In Ian's mind, this may mean that she should love him instead, so he may be seeking to add another chapter to his [[Love Quest]].

This video also gives us a rare glimpse into Ian's drawing techniques. Ian holds his pen in a bizarre fashion, where he sticks his [[duck|bent]] index finger out. His drawing surface of choice isn't even the most basic of smooth surfaces, but a [http://www.amazon.com/Strawberry-Shortcake-Reflecta-Sketch-Set/dp/B00144QMOY Reflecta Sketch], a sketching kit from [[Wikipedia:Spin Master|Spin Master]] that includes a tracing reflector and as seen in the link presented, was marketed (as it likely was a flop in the marketplace) to young '''beginning''' artists, not delusional manchildren. In a revelation that surprises absolutely no one with even remotely functional eyes, he doesn't waste time in sketching and thinking the composition prior to drawing anything. (The hasty release of ''[[Sonichu 9]]'' shows that he does some sketches, but he just redraws them on ink; he's clearly not one of the people who believe pencils show where ink should go.) IBA appears to enjoy coloring more than getting the character's shape and details right. Apparently, filling paper with flat shades is so ''tough'' and ''takes such an awfully long time'' that there's just no ''time'' to draw details...

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Hand Drawn Original
| image = {{#ev:youtube|vnqnUBQ9r24}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 04 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Comics.png]] [[Comic]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:classicshirt.png]] The Classic
| previous = [[CWC_-_Exposing_Jeff#Video| Exposing Jeff]]
| next = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_4#Watch| The Touch]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

Good evening, but between this and the, uh, oh, and the other clips I would like to present you, uh, a few examples of hand artery.

Anyway the first portion is live so let me just... see if we can... get that... set up here....

Huh, well, will you look at that. Anyway, see my hand, see my hand, okay. So let's just see how we draw Sonichu here. As we have been doing the whole time, ever since 2000.

[''mumbles while putting hair between Sonichu's mouthpiece''] First we just do this an' that....

[''draws ears''] Ear there...

[''lowers pen down''] So as I just draw these things there, [''draws an oval''] give him a masculine chest. Aah, I messed up on that one, oh, well, I'll work with it.

[''draws Sonichu's right hand''] A lil' thumbs-up there...

[''draws Sonichu's left hand''] Put up that there, the old [[CChanSonichuCWC|brown stripes]]. [''begins to draw the tail''] And get that there, the old—

[''draws the legs and his left shoe''] Put those shoes on.

[''draws his right shoe''] Give him a little, "lift-up-the-foot" look there.

Put a little C-In-A-Circle and my John Hancock. And.. Let's just give him a little drop shadow underneath.

[''drops pen''] Now we break out the, uhh, markers. Mmmm, color in the old mouth with the flesh color. [''Drops the marker and shows a Crayola Super Washable Markers bag''] Crayola rocks! [''[[sigh]]''] Color his arms... And his belly... Belly and chest. Whatever you wanna go. Whichever you wanna call it. Yeah. It's sticking out, I'll put that back later.

Okay, uh, regular yellow, oh I forgot the eyebrows. There you go, look at that. Makes him look smart, he's slick, slick character, yes.

Uh, just hurry up to the coloring. Oh, I didn't close the hand. There you go. I could've done a little better on this, but I'm pressed for time. But it basically, definitively looks like, uhh... Yeah. It's my, it's my style, my hand drawing, it's [[Fail|uncopyable]].

Mmm.. Give him his little red cheeks. Lime green soulful eyes. Good shade of brown in the old stripes and the edge of the bottom portion of the tail. His shoes there. Battery blue, favorite shade, Sonichu sneakers [inaudible singing].

And we will, huh, accentuate the blackness on the tips of his ears, his nose and, uhh, where that's gray? Ah, here it is. Make his so—make his sneaker soles.. shades of gray. Oh, and while I make this up and about, lemme, huh, make a switcheroo around here. Actually, now let's do a one more thing.... [''begins to write next to Sonichu''] Art and care for [''in a high pitch''] [[Kacey]]! And now for the old switcheroo let's, uhh, close this up here. [''Closes the sketchpad'']

And put in the hand drawn pages of...—look. Number Zero! Just lemme rehandle this a bit. The old history of the hand drawn. Print these out, you get blank edges. Unedited as it really was before I scanned them and type the text into them. Oh that's a good page, very good page. Uhh, yeah, this is kinda like the introduction of ''[[Excel-Saga]]'' back in Episode Two.. of ''Excel-Saga''. So, anyway... [''begins to poorly sing the opening theme of'' Excel-Saga]. Mmmm, [''looking at Sonichu and Rosechu kiss from issue 0''] Kissy, kissy! Yum! You know you can pause at any time, I'm just going a little quickly because I don't want to kill over 10 minutes with this. [''IBA then takes away the book''] Anyway, done there. [''loww contrast footage, like in his [[For_Kacey_from_CWC|previous video]]''] Oops! There goes the creation, there ''goes'' the creation. Oh, well.

Anyway, hmmm.... Anyway, I would like to shout out to Kacey, I care about you very much, your feelings mean a lot to me. You mean a lot—[''camera cuts to a well lit room with Ian's horrible features in front of it''] I'm sorry, Kacey, but I'm afraid that, uhh, [''removes his glasses''] I tried to ease you into the subject, but, unfortunately, I could not do that. I just had to give it to you straight, as my friend ma—made me realize when I talked to her, earlier tonight, in addition to you. I'm sorry Kacey, but, y'know, you fell in love with Sonichu and Rosechu and the world of CWCville.... It's mine. [''picks up a scrapbook from behind him''] Originally mine. I'm the guy. March 17th, 2000, in front of Miss Naelie Chalifoux's classroom at Manchester High. [''opens the book and pulls out his recently drawn art''] Freshly drawn. You saw it from [puts down the drawing, then shows his [[Amnyfest Ring]]] my own hand. [''puts down the book again''] Daa—I'm, I'm the artist.

But anyway, as to further elaborate, the impostor's real name is Jeff. I know this because—[''cut'']—I learned his name was Jeff from a D-a-n-t-o-p-u-l-t-i-s@yahoo.com [''cut''] and also if you take a good look, and also if you take a good look, also if you ever see him in person, look at his ident—look at his ID you know that it's fake. Ask him to hand it to you personally; it's fake. I can hand you mine, anytime. It's real, as well as my—as well as my diplomas and my degrees; they're right here, in my room, right here. [''makes some hand gestures''] In these four walls, that have—that Sonichu, and Rosechu and the world of CWCville have evolved from. I'm sorry, Kacey, I didn't mean—if I hurt you—if I hurt you, I'm sorry. But I had—I ha—I wanted to make sure you knew the truth. You had to know. You have been dating and having relations with [creepy stare] the impostor. His name is Jeff. I'm sorry. But I care about you. I do. Just like you have been talking to me for the past two nights. Regato—[''cut'']

But, yeah, I recommend that you confront Geoffrey. [''sigh''] I'll leave it up to you, Kacey. Be safe. Stay strong. Take your time. I care about you. As I cared about all my other gal pals in my life. From [[Megan Schroeder]], to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], Miranda, Sarah, [[Kellie Andes|Kellie]], even all the ones I met on the internet: my Australian gal pal Sarah Cassandra Mackenzie/[[PandaHalo]], died in that bushfire, and [[Sarah Jackson]], died in the automobile accident, and Ivy only recently. I had to go listen to my father's meathead theories. I leave it up to you. I care.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]|nextlink=[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Autism

2010-02-01T01:13:33Z

Popobawa69: /* What other aspies think of Chris */

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|2cpyKTun5iU}}
</center>

{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY retarded...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}

{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATcI3S") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]

'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses, although these subdivisions are not recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]].

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around having '''high-functioning autism''' (HFA), which is vaguely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, and about-average intellect (although it isn't actually a formal clinical diagnosis so much as a grade of severity). As such, he tries to have it both ways: you can't blame him for his shortcomings because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's mentally handicapped and [[slow in the mind]] because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

Chris didn't want to be in special ed because he isn't retarded, yet he expects every single teacher he comes in contact with to have an expert understanding of autism spectrum disorders. He perceives bias against autistic people (read: HIM, he doesn't care about anyone else) everywhere, and assumes anyone opposing his will hates him for his mental condition and are playing "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

In case you don't already want to punch him, he's also stated he "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People."<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Aspergers http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Aspergers]</ref> Obviously, there was never such a thing as autism until Chris came into existence.

==Background==
It is not currently clear exactly how he came to be diagnosed as "autistic", other than that he was diagnosed at the age of 6, receives government disability checks (his "[[monthly tugboat]]") for this mental disability, and he and his parents have been using his condition as a crutch from almost day one of his diagnosis.

In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best.

According to Chris, his autism manifested when he was locked in his room by a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk, which Chris says was when "God put the mute button on me." Feel free to put it back, my Lord.

{{clear}}

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, appears to demonstrate a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand [[Attraction Sign|his]] [[CWC-isms|ridiculous]] [[Sonichu|idiosyncrasies]] in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]].
*Chris speaks in a monotone, as evidenced by his many videos. His attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) are rather creepy and unnatural. He sounds a little like he is reading off an offscreen cue card. On [[Song of Christian]], however, he sounds a bit more normal, if also a bit like Conker.
*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish.
*Chris lacks empathy for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. This lack of empathy is only magnified by his parents having coddled him as a child and given him no real reason to empathize with other people.
*Chris is extremely gullible. One need only see his extensive list of [[Trolls|sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game.
*Chris has trouble developing relationships. This is a common trait among people in general, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. As stated above, he has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key things needed for interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.
*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].
*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]].
*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games and prowling for his next [[sweetheart]] and often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].
*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>
*Believe it or not, the gastrointestinal problems are also indicative of autism.

Oddly enough, he claims to have conquered his autism, or "coming out of [his] autistic shell," but frequently brings it up and uses it as an excuse for just about everything.

==Chris on the causes of autism==
Although the root causes of autism are still a subject of considerable research and debate, there's a strong consensus that the condition largely arises from genetic factors. Children born to parents of relatively advanced age — parents like Bob and Barbara Chandler, who were respectively over 50 and over 40 when Chris was born — are believed to be particularly at risk.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref>

During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey's father]], Chris swore up and down that heredity has nothing to do with autism: "It's a myth. That's a myth. Autism is not genetic." Kacey corrected his misconception not long afterward, but given Chris's attachment to all sorts of demented beliefs, it probably didn't stick for very long.

In the past, Chris has blamed his autism on an [[abusive babysitter]] from his childhood. [[Mailbag 12]], however, saw Chris actually reveal where [[fail|Autism comes from]]:

{{quote|Autism is Not Genetic; it comes from a shot the doctor's optionally give to the child after birth.|Chris, being completely idiotic once again}}

It seems likely that Chris subscribes to the persistent, but thoroughly debunked theory linking autism to certain childhood vaccinations, although it's possible that his towering persecution complex caused him to imagine a similar conspiracy theory all on his own.

==Autism cured?==
[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]
In a moment that is sure to shock the mental health community, Chris confided in his [[gal pal]] [[Sarah May]] that, as of 04 [[March 2009]], he has overcome his autism once and for all:

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoats for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained Autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that Autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. Or he forgot that he even had the above conversation and is just retarded.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

==Chris vs. Asperger's==
If there's anything Chris hates more than [[homos]] or trolls, it's anyone who dares try to steal his limelight. The worst of those are anyone who has [[Asperger's]] or are deemed "low-functioning". As such, Chris is shown to be very "close-minded" about the subject and will get violent over anyone trying to prove the fact that Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism are nearly identical.

==Chris and Low-Functioning Autism==
Disgustingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]]. In [[Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that their arms would be linked together, have deformations, confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also compared them to "zombies." In his [[Father Call|phone call to Matt Devoria]], he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism. He also may think he's higher-functioning than any other high-functioning autistic.

==Things Chris has blamed on his autism==
Everything.

==What other aspies think of Chris==

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone pretending to be Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

* [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt98128.html Wrong Planet thread] where reading about Chris has motivated some autistics and aspies to not become like him. One of them calls Chris "the most frightening representation of Asperger's Syndrome I have ever come across!", another ups the ante with "He's the most vulgar and abominable incarnation of the aspects of asperger I fear the most. I feel unclean just reading about him..." and another wants Chris to kill himself. The thread was eventually shut down by the mods because nobody showed Chris any sort of clemency.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNd1ihfD6gc An autistic guy] calls Chris "the worst human being to ever exist from God's green earth" and an embarrassment to autistics around the world. Truer words have never been spoken.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU 1 winged autistic]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QdGOGV7WX0 The Tard-Man - Autistic Adventures - Director's Cut]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Jerkhief

2010-01-31T19:52:17Z

Popobawa69:

[[Image:JerkhiefProfile.jpg|thumb|75px|His wooden badge looks delicious.]]

'''Jerkhief''' is a [[Niggos|black]] [[Jerkop]] known best for uttering the phrase "My wooden badge was delicious" on the cover of [[Sonichu 4]]. Jerkhief is based on a real life mall security guard who told the manchild to GTFO; Chris had his [[Attraction Sign]] at the time and he was apparently creeping out the people in front of [[GameStop]]. [[Chris]] has put Jerkhief's weight at three-quarters of a ton, [[Fail|failing]] to understand that someone that [[Obesity|obese]] would barely be able to move.

In [[Sub-Episode 1]], Jerkhief interrupted [[CWC]]'s [[Love Quest]] and told him to stop soliciting like any sane person would. Chris was being a whiny faggot as usual and refused to leave. So, he beat up a bunch of Jerkops, but then Jerkhief activated his mecha battle armor. Unfortunately, he could not overcome the power of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. This whole "Jerkop-Tastropie" took place in [[CWCville_Shopping_Center|CWCville Shopping Center]].

==The meaning of "My wooden badge was delicious"==
As one of the things that has utterly baffled <s>fans</s> trolls, someone was courageous enough to ask Chris this in [[IRC_(31_December_2008)|an IRC chat]] and Chris explained its meaning:

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|lolwut?]]
[[Image:Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|thumb|Dogpile!]]

{{quote|the Jerkhief has a Badge made from TREE wood, painted to look like an "official" police badge, and the Jerkops under him have Badges made from Graham Crackers, painted to be the mockery badges as well. The Jerkhief portrayed on the cover took a bite out of his wooden badge, as if it was made from a Graham Cracker, and called it delicious like a Graham Cracker...which you would have learned that from the [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|"Backyard Safari" Sub-Episode.]]|}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Ca6b6362e6ab53c5c3363c3-DEF.jpg
</gallery>

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Bagget]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[Virginia is for Virgins]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Chris and race

2010-01-31T19:29:56Z

Popobawa69: /* Hispanics */

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris said he liked this pic.]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: his father, his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian.
Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same, and expresses dislike for the Chinese, as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. Later, he backpedaled and says he has no problem with the Chinese while being interrogated in [[Mumble 9]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Middle Eastern==
It is also worth noting on Chris's former (now defunct) blog he has stated that he thinks all middle eastern people (or anyone that is Islamic) is a terrorist. When confronted about this from an Iranian troll, Chris said that he does not "think Middle Eastern people are terrorists however if they hang out with other Middle Eastern people they will then be considered terrorists." Thus giving more insight to Chris's back-assward and racist reasoning caused by his autism.

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}

In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create a similar Pokémon named Ludicolo.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|The Boondocks]]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|Chris is a '''wiggo'''.]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris' perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
*[[Barack Obama]] (very black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [will turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Talk:Son-Chu

2010-01-31T19:06:51Z

Popobawa69: /* Parking Permit */ new section

=Chandler cars=
Should we list the other two cars or what? [[User:Janitor|Janitor]] 06:58, 9 April 2009 (CEST)
*Maybe, but definitely not in this article. Or you could briefly mention them here in passing. The only major reference we have to the other cars is the pic of Chris in front of the BMW. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:56, 9 April 2009 (CEST)
*In the house tour vids, we see a few other cars. Some of them are hard to make out, but a Ford Aerostar is in the yard, and what looks to be a BMW Z3 roadster behind the house in a state of disrepair. It seems Bob has a thing for BMWs, and the Chandler family doesn't mind Fords. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 22:37, 2 October 2009 (CEST)
:*There's a picture from when Chris was 16 with the BMW. The problem is, we really can't say much because 1) we don't know all the cars they have and 2) all we can say is "The Chandlers have the following cars." Though if someone can do a better job than the person who made a "Chandler cars" article, then go ahead. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:57, 3 October 2009 (CEST)

== Trollin' ==

What if someone stole the plate off of Chris's car? But you would have to do something to let him know, like cut it in half and give half to him, or mail him a letter to let him know. Suggestions?

==Rename==
The CWCipedia article on the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens has a section "My other car is an autobot" where he goes on about how this car of his is actually an autobot named Sonchu and crazy Transformers shit. Anyone in favor of renaming the article SonChu and focus more on the car than the vanity plate? Or should we rename it to the more colloquial "Sonichumobile"? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:16, 30 July 2009 (CEST)
*I think that the vanity plate is still an important subject, since the motherfucker put Sonichu on it in big letters. But I do think that we could incorporate it into the article, while still making the car seem more important. But it is an important subject when it comes to CWC. And dam funny.--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 19:35, 30 July 2009 (CEST)

== Vanity Plate of Fail ==

I think the vanity plate should be added to the [[Relics of Fail]]. It qualifies as one because it cost him money (IE tax payer money) to get "SONICHU" written on his license plate, which range in price from $10 to $70 on average. The license plate also qualifies because it is something which makes Chris easily identifiable by anybody in the know of his exploits, which is helpful considering how many fat ugly people drive shitty, poorly maintained 10 year old station wagons in Virginia. --[[User:CrassCrab|The Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 20:42, 5 December 2009 (CET)

== Expired Plates? ==

While I was brushing up this article, I noticed that in all of the pictures, the license plates are tagged as expiring in '07. It could be that the picture was merely taken in '07, but because the Chris-chan internet phenomena started in mid'07, it's likely that these pictures were taken in that year, if not later. If there is one thing that Chris is dependable about, he's dependably lazy. Could it be that he's too lazy to get his plates renewed? Can we verify when these pictures were taken or, even better, get a more recent picture of his car?--[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 22:16, 9 January 2010 (UTC)

== Parking Permit ==

Where did he say he got the parking permit for his autism? From what comes up when you Google "disabled parking autism", they're intended for parents whose kids have fits in the store and/or bolt into traffic. I'm starting to think he has it because he's too weak to walk all the way across a parking lot. [[User:Popobawa69|Popobawa69]] 19:06, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-01-31T04:12:14Z

Popobawa69:

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For Chris's fictionalized version of himself from the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For Chris's electric hedgehog alter ego, see [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. For [[Audiobooks|the time Chris temporarily gained weight and became stupid(er)]], see [[Sammy]]. For the <s>brown-striped impostor</s> real Christian Weston Chandler, see [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. For the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page Chris "Revised", see [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]''

{{Honest}}

[[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|left|Our hero.]]
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]].]]

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]) is a perverse, [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and reality|delusional]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit video game franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became Internet-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in public places while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him. Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born "Christopher Weston Chandler," but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the bear conductor. In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

[[Image:Ano de freshman.png|thumb|right|229px|"Freshman anus" — a prime example of Chris's mastery of the Spanish language. Presumably, he meant to write "año de freshman"; "freshman year".]]

Chris took Spanish in high school and has since decided that his Spanish nickname is "Ricardo" — this is justified, as many high school classes will encourage the students to choose Spanish nicknames which may not always match the student's real name. Hence, when speaking or writing in Spanish he will refer to himself as "[[Ricardo Weston Chandler]]" or "RWC." At times he will literally announce himself as "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

==Overview==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}</center>

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's alright Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it.]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob|his]] [[barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing toys and video games into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Wendy's|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or hardly anyone, actually).

Chris is obsessed with his character Sonichu, to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February 2004 and March 2009, Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're trying to be tough negotiators.

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the sexual maturity of a young adult male, and as a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this to such a degree that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. Surprisingly, this seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]].
{{clear}}

==Early life==
[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at 6 weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties.

Allegedly, an [[abusive babysitter]] who was alone with Christopher every day for years;<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> locked him in a room<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He identifies the locking as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to attend [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't seem to show any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl), because if a boy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.

In 1989, noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in 4th grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris believes he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], the latter being the cause for his homophobia. It’s possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris institutionalized. Chris was home-schooled through 5th grade during these proceedings. When the family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education under a different school system, starting with 6th grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his 12th birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at Kay-Bee Toys as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not some elaborate troll.

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris leveraging his autism for special treatment and his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of maturity. It has lead Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" stare.
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of Young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg

</gallery>}}

==Adolescence==

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that his "creative talents" were put to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P12.htm page 22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his crying was the fact he had to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress mentally or personally at all, and remains trapped in a childish, Year 2000 time-warp, as he believes that it's what helped him attract females. That his high-school gal pals have moved on and married real men with jobs is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''"Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

==[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]==

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began putting great emphasis on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris was kicked out of PVCC for one year by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in 2004, although he eventually returned, obtaining an associate's degree in May 2006.

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

==[[Love Quest]]==

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his Love Quest. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February 2003. Possibly driven by his discovery that [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his Love Quest in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without approaching them or speaking to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique was to sit in one place (or pace back and forth) for hours, while holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various authority figures who believed he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with Mary Lee Walsh over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]], an unusual woman in that she was willing to talk to him for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to consider Chris's obvious romantic pursuits. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and animé, believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, with which he planned to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.
{{clear}}

==''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''==
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH]]
It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of [[Sonichu]] on [[4-cent garbage]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris’s name to discover the picture’s author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Chris completely mishandled his reaction to ED, beginning a series of videos [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|demanding the removal of the article]] about him on the site. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris took credit and declared victory, guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. ED's abuse of Chris only moderately abated when the site's users began to fight amongst themselves about whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of [[CWCki]], which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010}}

Chris continues to live at home with his parents, living off the $750 [[monthly tugboat]] he receives from the federal government for his autism. He has grown increasingly withdrawn, as trolls have tempted him with the slim hope that there is a vast Sonichu [[fan base]] full of pretty girls who want to have sex with him if he will only stick things up his ass.

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail]], a sampling of Chris's artistic masterworks
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]]
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHfZ9XCMUQQ IICHH-TIPM - the 503 faces of Chris-Chan]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQfvFw1GMXA 'My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler' Theatrical Trailer]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZqqFUeoaEg CWC's Show Must Go On]

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Li'l Chris

2010-01-27T20:54:44Z

Popobawa69:

[[Image:LilChris.jpg|thumb|right|He's like the Velveteen Rabbit, except he wishes he were dead.]]

'''Li'l Chris''' is [[Chris]]'s stuffed teddy bear. Created at the "Create-A-Care Workshop" (He probably meant "[[Wikipedia:Build-A-Bear Workshop|Build-A-Bear Workshop]]"). Likely not given much love or attention anymore, as Li'l Chris is an [[Niggo|individual of a darker color]]. The first Build-a-Bear Workshop was built in 1997 in Missouri, which means that [[Fail|Chris was in high school when he made the bear.]]

==See Also==
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]]
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]

{{Stub}}

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Talk:Chris and tracing

2010-01-21T00:44:38Z

Popobawa69: /* New category? */

Shouldn't this just be a subsection under [[Chris and art]]?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 23:01, 27 December 2009 (CET)
*this will turn into a gallery once we figure out more. it's a project [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 23:48, 27 December 2009 (CET)
*My thoughts exactly, Beat. I think this is a bit too ambitious of a project - trying to get people to read the entirety of the Sonichu /Archie comic canon, then go through and compare it to the Sonichu comics. I think we could say that Chris traces, maybe show an obvious example. I think it can pretty much be assumed that any good drawing Chris does is probably a tracing (a friend of mine who casually follows Chris and is a furfag believes that some of his stuff, like the drawings from the Lifeshare book, are traces from Sonic manuals and shit). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:18, 28 December 2009 (CET)
*well, for now, this is just a project. sticking it in [[Chris and art]] would be a bit messy for the reader. more importantly, if this does take off, then it's best that related discussion is neatly kept away from the [[Chris and art]] discussion. once it's decided that this project is more or less done, then we should take a look at the result and see if it can be merged. until then i think it's best that this is kept here, for the sake of neatness --[[User:Cogsdev|cogsdev/vedsgoc]] 10:12, 28 December 2009 (CET)
*it's going to be a work in progress as long as chris continues to do Sonichu. It WILL NEVER END also i updated it look now it actually has more examples! [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 10:17, 29 December 2009 (CET)
*We should keep it away from [[Chris and art]] for a very good reason; sheer volume. This article got the potential of getting quite huge... [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 02:54, 11 January 2010 (UTC)

==Title change?==

Should this really be called "Chris and ''tracing''"? I understand that Chris is basing his drawings directly off of these drawings, trying his best to imitate them, but he's obviously not literally ''tracing'' them. If he were, they wouldn't suck so damn hard. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 16:34, 29 December 2009 (CET)
:Yes because Chris does use that tracing...thingy. This is CHRIS we're talking about. Maybe some of this earlier ones he did, but look at the more recent ones. He's obviously tracing those [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 18:05, 29 December 2009 (CET)
*Chris uses one of [http://www.harrietcarter.com/outlet_entertainment-specials/reflect-a-sketch/ these] (it was shown in this video where he's drawing Sonichu to prove he's the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler), though his was a fancier model with a Pokemon theme. It reflects the image and traces the reflection. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:40, 29 December 2009 (CET)
**Are you... are you sure Chris ''traced'' these?? Because if he actually, you know, traced the outlines, his drawings would look at least more decent... I dunno how much you should [[fail]] as an artist to suck that much even at ''tracing''! --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:17, 30 December 2009 (CET)

== New category? ==

Should we add a new image category for Chris's tracings? There are some on this page and some back on [[Chris and art]]. [[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 17:18, 29 December 2009 (CET)
*I'd support this. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:20, 30 December 2009 (CET)
*Thirded. [[User:Popobawa69|Popobawa69]] 00:44, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

== Maybe this should be retitled ==

Chris fails at tracing so hard, it's ahrd to tell when he's actually basing it off the original or outright tracing. Maybe it should be called Chris and BLATANT STEALING. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 03:41, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*We already have an article along the lines of "List of things Chris has ripped off."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 03:03, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, but these are more specific examples from art. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 18:51, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== Sonic Adventure 2 Final Battle rip off (hobo chandler and orange sonichu) ==
the entire transformation sequence was ripped off from this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZK79h0q0Ng

thansk to someone on the cwcki [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 18:50, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

* Dear God that boss is phallic. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 19:16, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

Friend zone

2010-01-20T00:45:23Z

Popobawa69: /* Chris on the friend zone */

It's been some time since [[Chris]] has been able to even form a casual friendship with a woman. Nevertheless, his single-minded focus on going all the way and getting laid has led him to view the concept of the '''friend zone''' with disgust. Friendship, in Chris's mind, is merely a tactic women use to avoid giving guys like him the [[china]] they deserve.

==The friend zone defined==
Nowadays the "friend zone" is a common topic in discussions of romantic relationships. From one perspective, the friend zone is where guys wind up when they spend too much time getting to know a woman without trying to make a move towards a more serious relationship. Eventually, the woman views them as "just friends" (or "[[Cole Smithey|like a brother]]," to use one variation on the theme) rather than a potential lover.

From another perspective, a woman might value her friendship with a man too much to take the risk of advancing to a more serious commitment, which could lead to an ugly breakup and the end of any sort of relationship with him.

It's possible for a woman to enjoy a man's company without wanting to go to bed with him (and for a man to likewise feel the same way about a woman). Most people are capable of accepting this fact, even if it's a bit difficult to deal with when one has been "friended" by the object of one's affection. Chris, of course, has other ideas.

==Chris on the friend zone==
Like many other supposed "rules" related to sex and dating, the friend zone is in fact a pretty nebulous concept. Chris, unable to think about relationships except in the most [[Autism|rigid, inflexible terms]], characterizes the friend zone as a law, a hard and fast rule that he apparently believes has been forced upon him by some unspecified authority. (This is similar to his interpretation of the [[Third date|three-date rule]].)

In [[Mumble 4]] [[Clyde Cash]] had a brief discussion on the friend zone with Chris, brought on by Chris's assumption that [[Sarah Hammer]] was interested in him romantically simply because they were neighbors. Chris responded to Clyde's assessment of his friendzone status by talking about the movie "[[Wikipedia:Just Friends|Just Friends]]," which he also cited in a Mailbag question several months later.

In [[Mailbag 4]], a correspondent asked him what law he would change if he could change a single one. (His intention was probably to bait Chris into discussing the "dumb laws" preventing [[Zapina|teenage girls]] from taking off their clothes in public.) Chris responded with a tirade against the friend zone.

{{quote|I would remove the "Law" of the "Friend Zone", because I feel that it is just wrong to not even attempt to have anything beyond friendship, especially if the man and the woman are both comfortable with each other and are close.|Chris, failing to understand women as usual.}}

Later, he expanded his opinion somewhat in the [[Common_Questions#Answered_15_January_2010|Common Questions]] section of the Mailbag. In this case, a correspondent quite reasonably asked, "What happened to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with?"

{{quote|Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.|Chris, as delusional and entitled as ever.}}

Chris's characterization of "we're just friends" as an "excuse" is revealing, both in regards to his ideas about women and his view of himself. He cannot imagine a rational explanation for why a female friend would not want to have sex with him (except in the case of [[Anna]] - he's willing to accept that there's no point in hitting on a lesbian). Instead, he believes that women have invented excuses like this one because for some reason they fear a sexual relationship. If he is attracted to her and wants to sleep with her, he feels that she is obligated to return his interest and help bring his degenerate fantasies to life. In the worst case scenario, Chris would refuse to listen to a woman's "excuses" and rape her.

==Megan and the friend zone==
His comments about the friend zone shed a bit more light on Chris's relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]] (and its spectacular collapse). While Megan was happy to enjoy an ordinary, platonic friendship with Chris - which, most observers would agree, is far more than he could ever have reasonably hoped for - he clearly couldn't get his mind around the notion of a woman who didn't mind his company, but didn't want to have sex with him. From his perspective, she was "making excuses," since there's no way she could have been sincerely interested in nothing more than a good friendship. Hence his refusal to quit subjecting her to physical pressure, his assumption that only sexual inexperience prevented her from wanting to fuck him, and so on.

==See also==
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Animal Crossing

2010-01-15T01:45:51Z

Popobawa69: /* The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special */

[[Image:CWCAnimalCrossing.jpg|thumb|''Animal Crossing'' for the Wii. So much for [[Nintendo]]'s overly neurotic online servers to keep [[Pedofork|pedophiles]] away from da kidz.]]
[[Image:Accityfolkschurchuad.jpg|thumb|Despite being only minor characters who made a cameo in the game (or so Nintendo informed Chris), Chris felt he should make a box art focusing on Sonichu and Rosechu.]]
[[Image:ChrisShirtACCF.jpg|thumb|While Chris's plans to add Sonichu and Rosechu as villagers in the Wii version weren't successful, Nintendo did produce a clothes line that uncannily matches Chris's fashion sense.]]

'''''Animal Crossing''''' by [[Nintendo]] was one of [[Chris]]'s favorite games before ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' came out. Worldwide, the game has been released in three incarnations: ''[[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing|Animal Crossing]]'' (GameCube), ''[[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing: Wild World|Animal Crossing: Wild World]]'' (DS) and ''[[Wikipedia:Animal Crossing: City Folk|Animal Crossing: City Folk]]'' (''Let's Go to the City'' for Eurofags) (Wii).

==About ''Animal Crossing''==
All of the games in the series involve the player character moving in a town populated by animals, doing random jobs for them to earn rent money, go fishing, catch bugs, fill up the art/fossil/bug/fish collections at the local museum and in general, try to make the town a happy place to live.

The game is quite playable by actual adults, as long as you realize you are ''wasting time'' - it's truly a game where excessive enthusiasm can be safely dumped into. Aside of the special events, there's not that much to keep you interested unless you ''want'' to do repetitive things. (This has gotten a little bit better in the DS and Wii games, though.) It's not a game to play if you have, uh, say, ''Tetris'' around in some form.

== Chris and ''Animal Crossing'' ==
The series obviously appeals to Chris: the milieu is a cartoony small rural town of bright happy colors, everyone in the city is nice to you, there's no violence at all, and most importantly, you're never in any hurry of doing anything. It's perfect for people who [[autism|avoid prickly-wicklies because they cause distress]] and [[stress|crash into slumber if they have to do anything particularly demanding]].

Aside of making the following weird and puzzling video productions, he has also picked up a few nuggets of wisdom from the games. Blathers, the owl who runs the museum in the games, has the habit of rambling about things you donate to the museum, until he realizes he's boring you, at which point he usually ends the infodump with "but I digress..." Chris said he picked up this phrase from the game, yet tends to use the phrase only in writing and not when he's actually boring people to tears in other forms of communication. He has not, however, picked up some other nuggets of advice from the games (such as that if you put [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#The Green County Health Department Responds|too much crap]] in [[Chris's room|the room]], the floor might collapse, so the game will not let you do that).

=== The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special ===
{{main|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special}}

Chris made this video in honor of his parents' anniversary. It would have been kind of cute if Chris was six at the time, but now it's just sad.

This video is highly noteworthy because it shows that Chris has created ''Animal Crossing'' characters for both Bob and Barbara. This wouldn't be exactly damning if he would have done that ''just'' for this video special, but it appears that the characters have fully decorated houses of their own... ''and'' the house loans have been fully paid up (signified by the statues in front of the train station). Fully paying up the house loan takes an incredibly long time in game - and this video shows that he's done it ''at least'' four times, and probably more times in other cities in other memory cards.

tl;dr: there's just no way to even begin guessing how much time Chris has wasted in this game series.

=== Animal Crossing documentary ===
{{main|Animal Crossing Documentary}}

The Animal Crossing Documentary, featuring Chris's incarnation of [[Cwcville]] and [[Cwccity]] in GC Animal Crossing, is one of the great cinematic achievements Chris has made. Regular players of the game may notice a few things, such as the fact that while wasting time is unavoidable while playing this game, Chris is clearly wasting way too much time on this game. And that even when he fully paid his mortgage, he still had no idea how to sell multiple items at once.

=== Sonichu and Rosechu as characters ===
{{main|Miyamoto saga}}
Nintendo was in negotiations with Chris to release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] as characters on Chris's 27th birthday, but - for some mysterious reason - this plan never came to fruition. (Spoiler: [[trolls]] did it and Nintendo would never use shitty original content in their games).

In Chris's and Trolls' vague ideas, Sonichu and Rosechu would appear in the village as special characters, downloaded through WiiConnect24 and leave later unless WiiConnect24 is turned off. Chris is apparently oblivious to the fact that ''one doesn't "undownload" things''; any previously downloaded custom code can kill ''itself'' on a whim without any external authorization from Nintendo's Central Bureau for Traumatizing Children. ''Had'' Nintendo programmed such functionality in the game, it would still clean up the town when the game is loaded. (How does Chris think the special events in the game work? Magic?)

<gallery style="margin: 0px auto 0px auto;">
Image:CWCShirtAC.jpg|You, too, can dress like Chris!
Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Approval for ACCityFolk.jpg|Sonichu and Rosechu. Can you spot the Rosechu pattern? I can't.
Image:ACCityFolkSonichuRosechu.jpg|Chris's drawing of the Sonichu and Rosechu characters for the game, with special instructions on how they should be made, dated 06 [[January 2009]].
</gallery>

=== Chris's Sonichu Animal Crossing cards ===

Chris made a bunch of character cards for GameCube ''Animal Crossing''.

Of note is that he didn't bother to download a code generator or anything - he just copied random codes from real cards. While you can't actually add custom ''items'' in AC games, thanks to the code generators, you can easily create universal codes for ''Animal Crossing'' that have custom ''messages'' (e.g. the codes found in Nintendo's AC website used to have ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' as sender), but this space-age technology is too complicated for Chris...
<center>

{{collapsible
|Chris's Animal Crossing cards
|<gallery perrow="5">
<gallery>
Image:088-ACCWC.jpg
Image:097-ACCWCBck.jpg
Image:123-ACCChan.jpg
Image:124-ACChanBck.jpg
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:164-ACSonee.jpg
Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:207-ACMetonic.jpg
Image:208-CMetonicBck.jpg
Image:214-ACUltSchu.jpg
Image:215-ACUltSchuBck.jpg
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg
Image:229-ACRchu.jpg
Image:230-ACRchuBck.jpg
Image:231-ACRosey.jpg
Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg
Image:243-ACVamprosa.jpg
Image:244-ACVamprosaBck.jpg
Image:248-ACBchu.jpg
Image:249-ACBchuBck.jpg
Image:257-ACWild.jpg
Image:258-ACWildBck.jpg
Image:262-ACBubbles.jpg
Image:263-ACBubblesBck.jpg
Image:267-ACAngelica.jpg
Image:268-ACAngelicaBck.jpg
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg
Image:277-ACMagi.jpg
Image:278-ACMagiBck.jpg
Image:283-ACFlame.jpg
Image:284-ACFlameBck.jpg
Image:286-ACBionic.jpg
Image:287-ACBionicBck.jpg
Image:290-ACWes.jpg
Image:291-ACWesBck.jpg
Image:292-ACWesLi.jpg
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:314-ACMegagi.jpg
Image:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg
Image:381-ACNaitsirhc.jpg
Image:382-ACNaitsirhcBck.jpg
Image:383-ACKel.jpg
Image:384-ACKelBck.jpg
</gallery>}}
</center>

=== Chris Chan's Animal Crossing friend codes ===
*City Folk: 4124-9531-8122
*Wild World: 0558-9666-5003 *bricked by yours truly*

Have fun! (note you will have to convince him to add you as well)

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Animal Crossing - Wii Box.jpg
Image:AnimalCrissingCWCEdition.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]
*[[Shigeru Miyamoto]]
*[[Takashi Tezuka]]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Talk:14 January 2010

2010-01-14T22:52:41Z

Popobawa69:

"I am still a good individual human being."
AH HA HA, OH WOW. This should be Quote of the Day, I think. [[User:Orly444|Orly444]] 22:13, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

Agreed. Also, does anyone know what song that ringtone is, or is it just one of those default ones that come with the phone? I find it interesting that he has yet to upgrade from the 8-bit sounding ringtones that first came out to the ringtones that now actually play the songs. -[[User:Scarf|Scarf]] 22:30, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

He's been wearing that shirt for three days now. I can't imagine what it smells like. [[User:Popobawa69|Popobawa69]] 22:52, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

Vanessa Hudgens

2010-01-13T20:38:52Z

Popobawa69:

[[Image:Vanessa-hudgens.jpg|thumb|20/f/ca]]

'''Vanessa Hudgens''' is an American actress best known for her work in ''[[Wikipedia:High School Musical|High School Musical]]'', the 2009 mega-bomb ''[[Wikipedia:Bandslam|Bandslam]]'' and for [[Wikipedia:Vanessa_Hudgens#Nude photos|taking nude pictures of herself]]. She is incredibly popular among both nine-year-old girls and autistic manchildren. [[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris.

[[Chris]], being the humble human being that he is, found it absolutely reasonable that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in him.

Since Vanessa told Chris she wrote her own Wikipedia biography, Chris has a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so too.

On 05 June 2009, after [[fail]]ing at his attempt to write his own Wikipedia biography, Chris tried to get a section on his relationship with "Vanessa" added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusaysyeswecan, Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]], he admits that he finally realized that he really was not talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He also admits that "Vanessa" always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him, proving that either Chris is the biggest idiot of all time, or Joshua is the laziest troll of all time. Take your pick.

==See also==
* [[Vanessa Saga]]
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens]]

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Chris and writing

2010-01-08T21:25:33Z

Popobawa69: /* Plot construction and tension */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

While [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has not shown his mastery at [[Chris and English|composing titillating pieces of literature]] as often as he has [[Chris and art|astounded us with his artistic skill]], he has nevertheless shown what he has been capable of '''writing''' through his [[Sonichu (comic)|outlandish webcomic]], several ill-guided blogging attempts and multiple short pieces of fiction and poetry.

== General problems ==
=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

One of the big problems that plagues Chris's writing is that he relies too much on exposition rather than implications from the actions and dialogue. Chris drops us a bunch of information, and assumes that is all that needs to be told. Part of this is just due to his inexperience as a writer ''and'' a reader, but part of it definitely comes from his [[autism]]: sticking to bare facts and not considering the fact that people need different kinds of information that pique their interests.

[[The High School Story]] is extremely exposition-heavy; indeed, it's a piece that has nothing ''but'' exposition. In this story, Chris is telling a tale like he would be telling about something that happened in real life (which, incidentally, is not very far from the truth) — the whole story could be used as an illustration of the "[[wikipedia:Show, don't tell|show, don't tell]]" rule.

When confronted with sentences like ''"Now, Terrah was a Great Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High"'', your average reader will probably ask "yes, but what was that artwork ''really'' like? How exactly was she praised, and who praised her? This story doesn't tell that!" As is [[Mailbag|often demonstrated]], Chris doesn't like to elaborate on things, and assumes everyone gets the whole picture from a single statement of fact.

We don't hear of examples of Terrah's masterful brushwork or competent scene composition in her paintings, or hear of her painstaking attention to detail as she worked the clay, sweat on her brow, barely aware of the passage of time, in the eerie, slightly flickering glow of the fluorescent lights in the art classroom in the basement of the aging public school — a grossly underfunded institution that was barely equipped to let her reach her full potential. We don't hear of the supressed tears of her classmates as they gaze upon the artwork that is utterly and totally full of Win. We don't hear of her teacher discussing the latest works of the little prodigy with other teachers over coffee. ''Because that would be showing.''

Furthermore, Terra's artistic skill is not introduced into the story until it becomes a plot point, when she feels she should win an award based on it. If she is as artistically-inclined as Chris intends, this trait should be introduced much earlier in the story, as it is certainly far more plot-relevant than, say, the character's homophobia.

When answering a letter in his [[mailbag]], Chris shows that he's under the impression that this level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics. Also, he lets us know that he's just being [[Chris and money|cheap]], since he can save money on markers by just writing down what happened, instead of having to illustrate it.

This isn't to say that using only exposition would be always bad. "[[How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls]]" is an example to the contrary, because many myths are told in a highly expository manner, as a recounting of events that happened long ago. For example, when people read about God creating the light in Genesis 1:3-4, they usually don't ask what "it was good" ''really'' means; no one, aside from a few enthusiastic theologians, immediately asks what God's ''motivation'' was in creating light, or how He might have ''really felt'' that day. Readers can't expect answers to those questions, because the events happened long before they were written.

===Plot construction and tension===
In any story, the best part about the story is the plot itself. It's what moves the story and what draws readers' attention to it. It could be said that ''coming up with interesting things that could happen'', ''coming up with interesting characters'' and ''telling how those characters interact and either make things happen or hinder the progress'' are some of the basic construction materials of any stories. If the story lacks any sort of interesting little hooks, readers will not give a damn about the story, and will stop reading and turn away. Sadly, when Chris builds plots, there's no drive or feel to it, thus making it seem like everything's ''there''. Many times, it is that way.

While Chris does have a ''few'' good ideas (derivative or otherwise), he tends to pull it through as quickly as possible, with very little real suspense. Chris has built a cast of recolored characters, and he has come up with some sort of events that these characters must go through. Sadly, though, he puts zero effort in making characters interact in any plausible manner. Chris's characters never have to actually ''prove'' to the reader that they're able to advance the plot: we ''know'' they'll do it, because they're Chris's characters who can't fail.

In competently-put-together stories, heroes would need to prove to the readers that they're able to conquer the challenge ("It's not impossible: I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home; they're not much bigger than two meters"), or show that the heroes are ''learning'' to be able to conquer the challenge ("They say The User lives outside the Net and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out"). Sarah Connor eventually figures out that weeping and cowering won't work and kicking Terminator ass is perfectly doable once she figures out how. Neo must first blow his frigging mind to become the One and destroy the Matrix. Frodo must face the fact that he's just a plain ol' hobbit (and hence saving the world is a little bit out of his league) and that the One Ring is messing with everyone's head, including his.

In Chris's stories, good guys win ''by default''. Many, if not all, of the battles in his series seem to be utterly one-sided and boring. Most of the time, this is caused by Sonichu or Chris having a power that is needed right then and there without any explanation. A good example of this is the battle between Sonichu and [[Liquid Chris|"IBAChandler"]] in Sonichu 9. IBA shows up for a grand total of ''one page'' before getting curb stomped. In a way, it shows that only one Chris can exist, but at the same time, that fact that Sonichu defeated the person without even breaking a sweat shows that Chris has no real patience for thinking what kind of characters IBA and Sonichu ''are'', and if they ended up in a fight, what kind of battle would it be. Sonichu is a hero, hence he must win; IBA is a villain, hence he must fall. No further explanation is required in Chris's mind, and the one-page confrontation is just a courtesy for the reader.

Drama is also a hard thing for Chris to do. In well-written stories, characters usually have to jump hurdles after hurdles to reach their goal. At times, they have to make certain choices that could either help them, or bite them in the ass in the future. Chris, being Chris, believes in the saying that they should "have their cake and eat it, too." Going back to Sonichu 9, Sonichu is confronted with a choice: let Reldnahc take over CWCVille or Rosechu dies. If Sonichu really were the Sonic ripoff he was, he'd probably attempt to save Rosechu and somehow be stopped in the process, then given the ultimatum again. Instead, Chris forgoes it and has Bionic and Darkbind save the day not even a page later. A competently-written hero usually will be able to save both the love interest and society at large, but it will take that much more drive, courage, ingenuity, and skill. If the character is going to completely win, then the audience expects a little extra effort to justify this, and a ''deus ex machina'' will not satisfy. A particularly blatant example of this is the cover art for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', which depicts Chris having already beaten his various enemies, thus diffusing any possible tension.

Another thing that Chris has no drive to prolong is the need for love interests. In many series, potential love interests, upon meeting, either hate each other's guts, are oblivious to one's feelings, or start out as good friends and work their way to being lovers. Ongoing comics tend to wait years for character A to finally fall in love with character B. Series centered around romance, especially ''shoujo'' [[anime]], tend to wait until the very end of the series for the characters to announce their true feelings, whereupon they "all live happily ever after".

Because of Chris's need to have true and loving couples, virtually every Sonichu and Rosechu has been hooked up with the exception of Magi-Chan and Silvana (and according to [[Sonichu 10]], they will be soon). Even worse, there's no build-up to these moments — they meet, hook up and screw all right there, often through the cop-out plot device of "love at first sight". Just read the past comics again — can you find the precise ''motivations'' Blake and Bubbles had when they got together? What did they like about each other? How about all those new lovehog couples who were unveiled in Sonichu 9? Chris likes to ramble about true love and respecting people's personalities, but the inter-personal chemistries of his ''characters'' remain mysteries to us.

Let's put this into context:

*It took Superman ''sixty years'' to marry Lois Lane.
*It took Spider-Man ''twenty years'' to marry Mary Jane Watson and another twenty to have it retconned.
*It took Sonic the Hedgehog ''ten years'' to admit his feelings to Princess Sally in the comics, and another year to break them apart.
*It took Sailor Moon ''two seasons'' to be able to have a happy moment with Tuxedo Kamen without something screwing it up for them.
*It takes Chris ''less than one episode'' to pair people up and have [[hanky-panky]]!

A more succinct example of Chris's approach to dramatic buildup can be seen in [[Sonichu 10]]. When Chris was posting the first pages of the issue, he wrote that he's going to find a cure for gayness and use it to cure Naitsirhc. When most comic artists say things like that, they're usually talking of long-time plans: if Chris had said that the entire point of the 100-page issue was to cure Naitsirhc's gayness, there would be no complaints in this regard. In the actual comic, the cure gets found and injected in 25 pages — most of which has nothing to do with finding the cure and injecting it. Naitsirhc gets injected, teleported to Kel, and the reader has been left with a rather jaw-dropping feeling of "that's ''it???''".

As one can see, Chris doesn't like buildup or suspense; thus, he bluntly goes into something full-force, expecting his readers to accept it.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion{{cite}}}}

Chris's lyrics vary from acceptable for the sort of cheesy tie-in music (used with [[Transformers|certain franchises]] [[Pokémon|of which he is a fan]]) usually written by D-list hack writers, to hilariously awful and full of painful rhymes, giving us lines such as "[[Feel So Lonesome|if no girl comes, I'll break my arm]]."

His poetry, however, is far worse: it's simply abysmal, consisting of one assault after another on the English language. Painful rhymes [[Saddest Heart in the World|are even more present than in his songs]]; other times, he [[Valentines Day Hymn|breaks the mood of the poem]] to throw in some of his trademark [[random-access humor]]. Chris also tends to use rather dated language in his poetry, not unlike in his written messages to his fanbase; however, it is not "how do I love thee" dated, which is generally acceptable (though a tad cliched sometimes), but the sort of mushy language used in Valentine's Day cards like the ones kids hand out in elementary school, or perhaps the dialogue on many [[I Love Lucy|old television shows]]. This is especially evident in his poems "Valentine's Day Hymn" (which is not a hymn, or any sort of song at all, as it lacks both a discernible tune and any sort of rhyme or meter scheme) and "Saddest Heart in the World."

== Chris and short fiction ==
[[Image:F1p13.jpg|thumb|right|To be fair, his writing does have a certain infamous appeal to it]]

Chris shows the [[Fail|same amount of skill]] when concocting prose as he does when crafting poetry. Earlier works, like "How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls" and "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", show a slightly juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. But overall, these pieces have certainly childlike charm, and would be moderately impressive if done by a 4th grader.

Until you realize Chris was fucking eighteen years old.

{{quote| Needing to hit the monster in the same manner, Super Sonic rushed again at such a speed. And once again, he ran in and [[Kacey Call|came out the mouth]].|Chris, proving the [[Beel|devil]] is in the details.}}

Recently an impressive new work has emerged along with the [[CWCipedia]]. Dealing with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|yet another female adaptation of Chris]], "[[The High School Story]]" is another fascinating and vaguely creepy look at Chris's literary process. While the narrative and sense of drama have been amped up considerably, [[Chris and English|confusing grammatical and syntax problems]] are far more present. Whereas most [[Fan:Chris Gets Laid|pieces]] [[Fan:The Death of Sonichu|of]] [[Fan:CWCVille 1984|fiction]] utilize the rules of the English language to better express their story, Chris made the bold move to [[Sex|screw]] the rules entirely.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.|Chris, momentarily forgetting the story in order to encourage [[gay]] bashing}}

This story in particular displays Chris's inability to immerse himself in a character that is not simply some strangely conceived version of himself.

== Chris as a comic writer ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''
=== Lack of cohesive script ===
Like all forms of narrative art, a comic needs a script. No one who writes serious comics keeps the scripts in their head; most comics are scripted either in very rough sketch form, or textually, or both. When discussing the [[Sonichu (game)|video game plans]], he said his game ideas are in his head, and he'd probably say the same about the comic. ''If'' Chris has a grand plan for the comic, he's using the same "pure gold on first try" mentality as in everywhere else.

=== Textwalls and unreadable bubble layouts ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, ''try'' reading that]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
As far as dialogue writing goes, aside from the lack of proofreading and editing, Chris's biggest sin is textwalling. Characters just can't shut up at times, and this leads to him forgetting that comics are meant to show the readers things, and not turn into inconveniently typeset novels without any of the requisite bits of narration and scene-setting. He has absolutely no organization to his speech bubbles, sometimes forcing readers' eyes to jump all over a page to try and put together what he was trying to say, including using '''numbers''' to disclaim the flow of a conversation. There are several free or cheap software packages specifically designed for easy comic and speech bubble layout, and they are easy enough for even rank amateurs to comprehend. Chris also has Photoshop, which can be used to create speech bubbles with minor effort, provided one invests some time in learning how to do that. (Learning, of course, is not really in Chris's alley.) He also appears to draw his pages in one go, hand-writing the speech bubbles first and later replacing them with computer lettering; this approach leaves precious little leeway if you don't plan things perfectly on the first try. Most comic artists write their script first, draw the images while leaving some space for speech bubbles, and composite the whole thing together in a graphics app — this allows for more flexibility and opportunities to tweak the artwork. In [[Mailbag 19]], Chris says the reason he does things this way is because "[He] feel preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references. Look it up in most other Comic Books; they have loads of dialogue, plus I.M.H.O., with [his] dialogue pages, it saves marker ink in comparison to most pages."

In other words, he's a lazy fuck who doesn't want to draw everything, so he takes the easy way out. In actuality, most western comics nowadays tend to let the pictures do the talking and not the characters themselves. If there is a load of dialogue, it's because the character is describing something and is doing it through multiple panels, not just one huge one. Manga ''may'' be like this, but this is only because of translations as a simple few characters in one panel is usually expanded on when translated into English or other languages.

When Chris draws his comic pages, he draws them while attempting to squish ''everything'' onto the page. He leaves nothing to the imagination, trying to show everything that has happened on one page. One of the earliest examples of this can be seen with [[Sonichu 0]] with the Pikachu running into action at the same time Sonic turns into Super Sonic and attacks Perfect Chaos. Where most comics tend to have six panels of action at most, Chris crams a whopping ''ten panels'' onto the page. The result of trying to cram as much action as he can is an amazing mess, making readers completely unable to tell what is going on. Such manhandling of the material once again shows an utter lack of planning, preparation and refining-based approach.

=== Kudzu plot ===
Newer issues, written under increasing troll pressure, also introduce one big problem: Chris likes to put in tributes to "fans," and those plotlines never go anywhere. As a result, people who are not aware of the goings-on in trolling are boundlessly confused by all these developments, and people who ''do'' have some sense of how Chris is being trolled have no idea how he can fix this quagmire of tangled plotlines he's gotten into. People can see he's trying to yank a root; ''we'' know that root has been rigged with deadly explosives, and Chris won't believe it if we tell him.

Leaving loose strands was a problem with Chris's work earlier (Just what the ''hell'' happened to the Metal Sonichu, anyway?) but it has really worsened in the recent works. Sometimes, he realizes his plot is getting weird and out sync with all of those brilliant plans in his mind, and trims the kudzu plot with a giant machete. Chris has no energy or creativity to fix hastily introduced characters properly, and when he does fix them, it's not pretty.

[[Jiggliami]] and [[Blanca]] appear in [[Sonichu 8]], but they serve very little purpose besides making a quick appearance, although Jiggliami's discovery helps the good guys defeat the bad guys' plans. In real life, Chris had been betrayed by the ''evil'' troll, and [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|in the fateful September 11th video]], claimed Jiggliami as his character. After Jiggliami and Blanca had made their appearance, Chris shooed them off the comic. That is not passive ''neglect'' of the characters: he ''literally'' said that Jiggliami went away and had a successful career elsewhere.

Indeed, if there's a literary equivalent of rape, this is as close as it will ever get. After Chris's and Blanca's "break-up," Chris used her character ''just to spite Blanca'' and then tossed Jiggliami on the wayside. He could have used his "original" characters in this episode with no harm done to anyone, but he ''insisted'' on using Jiggliami in this comic. If this had been a [[parody]] of Jiggliami and the ''evil'' troll Blanca (as was done to Jimmy Hill in the [[Sonichu 10]] preview), this might have been appropriate too. A regular comic writer might have said "goddamn it, I've been trolled, I can't use any of this rubbish that the trolls made." But not Chris; he ''claimed Jiggliami and Blanca as his own characters and used them in a comic like he would have used any of his own characters, then threw them away in cold blood''.

In another ghoulish example of fixing up tangled trolling plots, [[Ivy]] was introduced in the Date Ed episode of [[Sonichu 9]], while she was still Chris's girlfriend. No doubt this was intended as a major plotline, but not at all surprisingly, it never came to fruition. After a romantic start, in which Ivy and Chris meet ''within their minds, across a gap in time and space'' with [[Chris and religion|God And Jesus as matchmakers]] (or something along those lines; Chris is [[Time Void|trapped in the mirror]] and Ivy is in the Dating Ed class), Ivy was never mentioned in the following episode at all, except for a brief mention that ''[[Chris and death|she died]] off-page in a gruesome elevator accident while the city was being destroyed''.

This order of events is what the people will see when they read the Sonichu 9 in the order it's in on CWCipedia. Yet, readers who are aware of news from the troll front were aware of Ivy's situation long before Chris killed Ivy-the-character in an elevator and knew Chris ''had'' to fix this somehow. Things became even more muddled, because Chris had leaked several other comics with Ivy ([[Wedding Comic]] and [[Giant Penis Comic]]) in which Chris is together with Ivy in CWCville and they even go so far as to get married — while in the official comic timeline, Chris and Ivy never met physically! Chris can leave the Time Void at will to taunt people (''canonically'' shown in [[Sonichu 8]] elevator scene!), but can he get out of the time void to get [[hanky-panky]] from various women, too?

Something similar happens in [[Sonichu Special 4]] where Chris (again, somehow free of the never-ending void of time and space that has consumed him) shoots [[Liquid]] in the knees to save [[Kacey]] for some reason that is never explained. Notably, Chris is unfased by the death of his [[Wedding Comic|wife]] and moves straight on to Kacey through the Sonichu Specials, not even showing an ounce of written emotion for his dearly departed [[Ivy]] by the time Sonichu Special 4 rolls around. What's more, Liquid ''has no plausible reason to exist within the comic''; his canonical appearance in Sonichu 9 is utterly unexplained. He just appears and gets beaten for no reason. Granted, it ''could'' be an in-joke, but still, with the plot as tangled as it is this is highly unlikely and is an emphasis on Chris's fail at having any sort of consistent, logical characters and plot.

The worst offender of this ends up being the final fate of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] and the rest of Chris's characters. As of the end of Sonichu 9, Chris has decided that he was going to remove himself and anyone connected to his misadventures in trying to find a sweetheart. In doing so, he left the incident with Crystal hanging, as well as leaving the strange plot point of Count Graduon wanting to see Slaweel dead.

=== Dialogue ===

Whenever authors decide to write a comic, they usually try to give characters speech that reflects the character's personality. Dialogue is also used to reflect the scene as well as the interaction between character A and character B. Most comic writers, however, try to give the character rather limited dialogue in an effort to get the reader to focus on the art of the panel or the scenes rather than the dialogue. But like everything else in the comic, Chris tries it, half-asses it, and rips off various other sources while trying to play it off as "original". Most times it features unfunny jokes, sexual innuendo (mind you, this is a comic intended for children), and "witty banter" before the recolors take down the bad guys for the hundredth time within the span of 6 pages or less (because unlike Chris IRL, they can't fail).

Chris also tends to turn most dialogue into textwalls that can take up a whole page. This is usually done whenever a [[Magi-chan|Deus ex machina]] needs to update the recolors on the current situation, when a character needs to go into a long, drawn-out speech which will usually end with the speaker most likely getting his ass kicked, or whenever two characters are going through a long exchange and Chris is too lazy to draw panels, a background, or even dialogue in a consistent manner that doesn't require the reader to assume that they are reading it the right way. Sometimes Chris actually includes numbers so readers will at least get a good idea as to where to start and how to finish each page.

Another thing to consider is inter-character interaction. For one who prefers to write dialogue than to draw comic pages, he rarely offers any interactions between characters that give us a hint as to why characters love or hate each other. When a Sonichu meets a Rosechu, they usually go through very limited interaction that eventually ends with the partners meeting, speaking one sentence, dating, and then [[chris and sex|hanky panky]]. Can anyone really say for certain why Sonichu is attracted to Rosechu (unless she has a thing for yellow stalkers who show up without an explanation) or even why anyone decided to hook up with their respective partners based on dialogue? The answer: '''NO''', because Chris can't be bothered giving reasons as to why something happens. It's Chris's comic and we're merely observing his sick mind for our own entertainment.

Another thing that Chris has started to do with his characters is use them as mouthpieces for himself instead of other characters. A big example of this comes in the form of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. In [[Sonichu 8]], Jason's shown to be an evil villain (or as evil as Chris can show them), unwilling to stop attacking Chris at 4-cent_garbage and going so far as to launch a pickle at Rosechu without a second thought. Two issues (and about a year) later, Jason quickly gives up after Chris starts rocking out. Not only that, he's starts condemning two other trolls there, namely [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] [[trolls]] while he was STRAIGHT! This shows that Chris just HAS to get in the last laugh in something and he'll go through even villains just to do so.

In other words, Chris can't write dialogue even though he insists on writing textwalls in what should be a visual medium rather than drawing, which is just as shitty.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|right|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

Chris has had a few journalistic aspirations in the past, as easily evidenced by [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]]. Of course, to say any of these publications would be up to some journalistic standard is just false — the ''Nintendo Power'' magazine is complete and utter fabrication (if only ''wishful'' fabrication) from cover to the, er, nonexistent back cover.

To Chris's credit, the homemade magazine is likely not a legitimate attempt at journalism, and is merely an attempt to make himself look like a True and Honest fan of ''Nintendo Power'', and to express his wish that the new games he described would be produced and published. Everyone who looks at the magazine will immediately see it as a piece of wish-fulfillment fan work — a "future issue" of ''Nintendo Power'' where all of his dreams come true. He's not trying to pull a Spax3-esque "''Mega Man 9'' was published for NES too, gamerfannns" stunt.

The News Dash follows the same formula as his blogging later on: self-centered rambling on what happened to him and what kind of not-very-exciting developments he has in store for the comic. And, of course, there's the most important part of the newsletter: the dating ad.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his "News Dash" mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog ''format'': entries posted in chronological order. Instead, Chris stuck new updates where the heck he could find new space that day, resulting a rather Time Cube-like appearance.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]], his current blog.

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the 'purpose' of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your [[Chris and politics|opinions]] and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to [[Autism|get the communicative part]]. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

The [[CWC Blog]] is Chris's most recent blog, where he shouts his authoritarian decrees to his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. Given that it's run by our [[Cogsdev|glorious leader]], and entirely insulated from slanderous [[trolls]] telling him to get a job, Chris will probably be ranting for a long, long time.

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. As it is with [[Sonichu (comic)|so]] [[SingStar Challenge|many]] [[LittleBigPlanet|other]] [[51 50|things]], Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into [[A Week With Christian Chandler|high school]]. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read [[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]] a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven [[Lies|false]] when [[Fail|he confused it with Of Mice and Men]].

== Tl;dr ==

Chris has no concept of a consistent plot, cannot write coherent dialogue or poetry, and he has never been able to pull an original character with a consistent personality [[dirty crapped briefs|out of his ass]]. In short, he can't write for shit.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]
{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Megan Schroeder

2010-01-05T22:23:08Z

Popobawa69:

<blockquote>Eventually, light a magical lighthouse that randomly shone its healing guiding light upon my previously Shattered Heart and tortured Soul, and mended them back to good shape and form, one girl walked into my life, like a Sailor Soldier having just vanquished a heart-snatcher. Bit by bit, I've noticed her shining lustrous hair, here shiny Blue Chaos Emerald-like Eyes, and a personality strong, caring and true like a Buttercup bloom. I followed my recovered heart's instincts and Followed Her. As I got to know her over the months to over a year, my heart was growing stronger as I was falling for her. I blushed more Strawberry Pink than I have ever before; everything around me was shining like the sun's [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mellow Color, Yellow]]. Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true,
it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997802418#The_Megan_Saga Chris's MySpace blog (via ED)]</ref></blockquote>

[[Image:Megan Schroeder.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Megan Schroeder]]

[[Megan Schroeder]] (born 23 July [[1986]]) was a friend, and maybe even what could be considered a true friend, of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s, who appeared in the scene in [[2005]] and cut off contact with Chris around [[2008]].

A typical truly [[boyfriend-free girl]], asexual even, with a few eccentricities that Chris-Chan was more than happy to copy and fulfill, namely her fondness for [[My Little Pony]], [[Sailor Moon]], and using Chris like a debit card because she was too lazy to go on eBay herself.

==Megan in real life==
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|right|thumb|Look at the fear in her eyes...]]
[[Image:20051220-Meg-Hglght.png|right|thumb|Email source]]

{{quote|During the late summer months, I picked up and started the Yu-Gi-Oh Trading Card Game (it was around the time the movie came into theaters). One Saturday at the Game Place (Where I was also going for Pokemon TCG on Fridays), I met Megan and John Schroeder. At first I thought they were a couple but then they were just Sister and Brother. Over the months of getting to know Megan, I grew fond of her. Although at that time, and up to now, she wasn't interested in a lovely relationship. I've bided to her wishes and requests. I am truly fond of her, and I hope she will have a change of heart soon. She'll be turning 21 on July 23, 2007.|Chris on how he met Megan, from the DVD slideshow}}

{{quotebox|
From: pearl3 
Sent: 20 Dec 2005

Hello!

Yes I did watch the musical and John and I agreed we officially hate that bad-guy, we think he's kinda queer. I thought the ending was the best part. I like how Eternal Sailormoon came out. We should try and find the fourth season that includes my favorite villains the Amazoness Quartet. I heard they sing a lot with Chibiusa.

I love the first season of the anime. It's got that old mono sound quality to it. I like anime that sounds vintage. But of course the american version re-did all the music...

Thank you again for such nice gifts! I wasn't expecting that!

'''Although I really don't mean to be cold but please don't try and advance kissing on me please. The truth is I don't want a boyfriend because I don't desire and idolize boys like other girls. I enjoy being indepentant. So you see what I mean? It's certainly nothing personal towards you. I'm just a girl who doesn't care about loving guys. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them though.'''

Well since I bought models and been working on them I think the glue has made me ill, so in case I don't feel well enough to go on the computer I'll go ahead and say

I hope you have a [[Christmas#2005|Merry Christmas]] and the holidays go well for you. 
Megan 
ps no one in my family is autistic. uuuuh I feel ill I'm gonna take a nap watching sailormoon!
}}

And that was only the beginning...

===John Schroeder===
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|right|thumb|Megan and her brother John]]

John is Megan's brother who Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. This would explain why Megan was able to put up with Chris's bullshit for so long. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

John was also the subject for exploitation in [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]. This is one of the few instances that Chris has portrayed men in a positive light and also one of the few instances in which he hasn't made himself as the main character.

==Megan Schroeder in the Comics==
Megan (later [[retconned]] as '''Meg-chan''') first appeared as [[Sailor Megtune]] in the [[Sonichu 5|fifth issue of Sonichu]], along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], her own [[homo|Lesbian]] furry sidekick. The two are purportedly "sailor soldiers" and reveal on the spot that Chris is an old friend of theirs (Chris knew Megagi?) and thwart the evil Jerkops trying to ruin Chris' [[Love Quest]] with Rockin' Hurricane, causing Magic Rocket to [[Team Rocket|blast off again]]. ...???

Another notable artifact of Meg's influence in CWC's comic is the sudden transition to a more [[animu]] style, most notably in the eyes but manifesting elsewhere.

In [[Sonichu 7|Issue 7]] Megan was back, more notably as "Megan" and not Sailor Megtune. It is implied that like Chris can transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Megan can transform into Sailor Megtune, possibly by using a [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar Hero controller]], though any transformation of hers is not explicitly seen in the comics. A picture in the [[Scrapbook of Fail]], however, depicts a transformation pen similar to the ones used by Sailor Moon's teammates, the Sailor Senshi (or Sailor Scouts for you dubbies), during two of the middle seasons (Sailor Moon R and Sailor Moon S). This will probably not be seen or confirmed in the future, because...

<center>
<gallery>
Image:308-Megtune.jpg|First major drawing of Sailor Megtune. Note the colored-over transformation stick.
Image:310-Megtunecardback.jpg|Transformation stick full-view
Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|It begins...
Image:Sonichu05-P28.jpg|Animu shit at its finest.
Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|Chris writes the thoughts of a sue-ified real person.
Image:Sonichu06-P18.jpg|MEGTUNE ROCKIN' HURRICANE!
Image:Sonichu07-P03.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P04.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|KIND OF A [[Dragon Ball Z|GOKU-GET-EM]] ATTITUDE. [[Fail|:)]]
Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|THAT IS NOT CRYSTAL
</gallery>
</center>

==Megan Saga==

Megan and Chris first met during the summer of 2005 at the GAMe PLACe over a game of Yu-Gi-Oh!. The two apparently struck up a friendship of sorts. Chris, however, saw Megan as his [[sweetheart]]. This was probably perpetuated by the fact that Megan used him as means to buy stuff off of [[Ebay]]. Through the end of 2005 and into 2006, Chris would hang all over Megan, trying to drag her into dates, trying to force his way onto her and other creepy actions.

This did nothing but earn the ire of Megan, who wanted nothing more than her personal space away from our hero. Even more so, she only saw him as a friend, nothing more. She repeatedly tried to assert her asexuality. Sadly, this fell on deaf ears, and Chris would continue hounding Megan. When Megan attempted to use reverse psychology on Chris, deciding to say that she had a boyfriend, it didn't deter Chris from his ultimate goal of [[china]].

===Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown===
{{main|Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown}}

In June [[2007]], Megan went to Kentucky, Chris continued e-mailing her, refusing to back away even for a moment as he STILL believed that, deep down inside, Megan truly did love him. Discovering about the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] and the prizes that laid within, Chris eagerly entered the contest, hoping to win the PSP and the trip and use that to win her [[china|heart]]. tl;dr, Chris lost, [[Adam Stackhouse]] won, Megan didn't give a shit. Even when Chris began whining about how everyone "cheated", especially Adam, but he "didn't", she didn't care. It soon got to the point where Megan would finally blow up at Chris for his childish and selfish acts. Despite being hurt, Chris continued to harass Megan.

===Rule 34===
[[Image:ShecameforCWC_(200803).JPG|right|thumb|[[ShecameforCWC.JPG| Chris failing at drawing himself failing.]]]]
In November, Chris would discover his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page and begin his one-man war [[Sonichu 8|against the garbage]], and in the process, uploaded a number of [[Rule 34]] artwork, one of which was a [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|picture of him fingering a girl]] with her eyes obscured. Trolls originally believed that this was [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his imaginary sister Crystal]], but Chris was quick to furiously correct them that this was indeed Megan. By 12 [[March 2008]], Megan discovered the picture and demanded that it be removed immediately. Chris attempts to do so, but found himself blocked at every turn as the edits are quickly returned, or even worse, piled up on as he attempts to include a version of the same Rule 34 that just obscures the face.

During this time, Chris attempted to paint himself as a greater victim than Megan in this fiasco, initially thinking that she didn't know what was going on in the picture. He would later admit he did it so he wouldn't rape her and that trying to assert that what she was going through just BEING in the picture and learning what he could have done was NOTHING compared to Chris's trolling attacks. In the end, Megan finally broke off all contact with Chris, broken from her experiences and traumatized by his actions.<ref>[[Chris-chan#Megan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008]]</ref>

==The End of Megan==

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 12:42 am 
Subject: .....
 
Christian-
 
I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your behavior has irritated me for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the contest because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is sexual harrassment to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.
 
Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.
 
And I don't like your "Megan Obsession" I don't like being a character in your comics. I don't like how you made me a character in Soulcalibur and Animal Crossing. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.
 
With all that said, we're down to two options: A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. -or- B: Never see me again
 
I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.
 
I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.
 
Please listen to me next time ~Megan</div>

We skip forward a few chapters in the saga and come to;

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: Megan Schroeder 
<yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Thu, 13 Mar 2008 7:33 am 
Subject: well...
 
I just don't know what to say now.... I am very much scarred by that image and it will never leave me. And I can't decide what's worse, the image in general, or the fact you intentionally drew it AND gave it to the webmaster for that site that you hate so much. Not only have you poured gas on the fire by doing that,(adding obscenity to the already horrific site) but you have also embarrassed and humuliated me, and degraded and demeaned me whether you realize it or not. I mean I'm not that kind of girl, and you know that. So why? And you also lied to me about it. Between that and my recent heartbreak how am I to trust another man again? Simply put: I can no longer trust anyone now. You have very much hurt me on an emotional level. And when I get hurt emotionally it'll take a physical toll. As in no appetite, feeling tired and sick, no sleep. So I am unsure what to do about this. I can't say I really think of you the same anymore, I'm sorry to say. I will continue to give the remaining items for the zune and that will be all the contact you have with me unless I decide otherwise. I hope you understand. So we'll let time decide how I feel about this current situation. Until then please d on't come up to me anymore unless it's to give you what I owe which seems kind of awkward now. I know how it feels to be alone but, I can't keep throwing away my pride little by little just to keep you satisfied, you know what I mean? There has to be an "enough is enough" at some point. And I cannot continue to disgrace myself by forgiving things that I never find forgivable in the first place. That's all I can think to say right now I'm sorry, we'll just see ~Megan </div> 

==Afterword==
{{quotebox|Yet, one can't stay on such sweet passionate feelings without a few speed bumps in the road of life. Even though I didn't mean to give the impression that I was being forceful; for heaven's sake I wouldnÿt ever dare to force her to do anything she didn't want to, but she reminds me times that she isn't ready for Love beyond Friendship. I have no feelings against her wish, and I respect her decisions and feelings. Oh, but even though she Doesn't Say it, or return it, I Love Her, and no matter what, those feelings wills stand strong as time itself. And Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I [[mass debating|keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself]]. I Won't Hang Up on what can develop into the True Thing, because I don't just Think, I know that I Love Her. My Love for her is So Pure and true, that not even Every One Love Song can spell it out as well as I am writing it now.

Every once in a while, I take a look into my Mirror Mirror of life, check the things I've seen and heard of. I've seen the Jet City Women, and frankly I'm not thrilled. I can't help but feel sorry for them; True Love is Priceless and rarely street-found. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is fun to watch, because itÿs so stupid, it's funny, as well as some of the Non-Anime programs on Adult Swim; lucky there's a Family Guy. I'm happy that I am no longer in the Heart-Shattered, Tired Soul Times; I was often so depressed, I could have been a Sofa King. So many stupid Ways I Wanted; I don't have to care too much about those paths now, but back then, sometimes I Couldn't Sleep so bad, I could have Bounced Off the Ceiling. Reflecting on those past Things Makes Me Go Hmm...

I always come to the conclusion that my future is solid now that my Me Plus One has a gelatinous conclusion. The Answer is the girl in the uniform that I've grown to Love.

While I do have deep scarlet desires for the eventual Party For Two en La Cocina en La Casa de Casa-No-Duh (basically the Kitchen in my House), I am in no rush for a kiss on Rainbow Road; I can wait for the longest time; except when it comes to my stomach or [[Dirty_Crapped_Briefs | bladder]] or course. I am capable of showing her a good time with a nice dinner for two at a nice restaurant, taking her to a movie or even a moonlit (or sunlit) rendezvous at the park; most whatever her heart desires. As long as I am Together With Her, especially in all of the neutral social locations, I am happy.

The first time I see her smiling face on any day, itÿs like seeing the Morning Moon, shining with radiance. The only thing that keeps us limited to once a week is our respective Signals in the Sky. Each time I leave her, I hope Iÿve left her with a smile and a warm feeling in her heart, as I do. It's In My Impressions, as well as what happens that day. No one can come close to her, because to me she is The Most Beautiful, and Caring Girl in the World.

Good Night, Good Morrow, for now I walk from the End of our time together; I will always look forward to our next Staff Party For Two. Is the Love between us truly a Destiny or a Warp-Pipe Dream; Our Sailor Stars will guide us. In the meantime, I can enjoy the two of us E-Mailing to Each-Other's Hearts.<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Yes, while I did have a crush on Megan for like a couple of years since I started playing Yu-Gi-Oh, she was rejectful of romance. In August, 2007 after the PaRappa the Rapper contest, she sent me an e-mail that fucked the shit out of my heart. It hurt so fucking much, it took me weeks to recover. But I eventually did, and I am, and have been since about mid- September, in a well-sound state of mind. So I had to go back to my fucking lonesome and damn enduring Sweetheart Search.<ref>Chris's update on ED about Megan, 12 November 2007</ref>}}

=== Chris just can't let go of her ===

Megan surfaced again in Chris's thoughts in [[July 2009]], first in the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, and then in the subsequent update.

{{quote|Megan WHY???|[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]}}

Chris also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCo72hJ-SAg reposted] the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] entry, though this version is slightly different from the ones frequently seen in latter days: After "...my friend Megan!", Chris inserted a short break with a photo of him and Megan, with a lovely heart frame. Either this is the original version before Chris tried to clean up his image, or a brand new version with new improved references to the long-lost love.

On 12 [[August 2009]], he dedicated the song "Sneakernight" by [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in one of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] videos. In it he also said that he "[[lies|had her 'I love you']] before I got kicked out".

==Megan today==

The current whereabouts of Megan are unknown. Like so many gal-pals, so humiliated was she by Chris's behavior towards her she has now completely disappeared. Chris claims during [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|his date with Emily]] that Megan moved out of state. Friends of hers have stated that she is sort of traumatised by the whole thing and doesn't wish to go near that shit ever again.
Who can blame her?

==Megan Schroeder's art gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|[[Megagi La Skunk]]
Image:322-houdourstuff.jpg
Image:320-Apocolypse.jpg
Image:318-HoundHowl.jpg|Hound Howl, which Chris reused as "Canino the Houndhowl" in the [[Wedding Comic]].
Image:319-PendingDoom.jpg
Image:321-IceCune.jpg
Image:313-MegansSMoon.jpg
Image:Megan_ace_of_clubs.JPG|"Ace of Clubs"; Megan's original design for [[Patti-chan]], until Chris stole the design.
Image:Megyoshimitsu1.jpg|<ref>http://www.tekkenforces.com/fanart/fanartgmegimitsu.php#a</ref>
Image:Megyoshimitsu2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Miscellaneous gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg
Image:Sonichu05-P52.jpg
Image:323-MegansDarkChao.JPG
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==

*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] - the infamous picture that could have only come from the depths of Chris's imagination.
*[[Megan E-mails]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Sweethearts}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Muscle bra

2010-01-05T05:00:13Z

Popobawa69:

{{Merge|Sports bra photo series}}

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sports-bra-DERP-dumb-look.jpg|thumb|Happy Chris in a muscle bra and with [[PS3|life upgrade]]]]
[[Image:Cwcbraorig.JPG|thumb|Unhappy Chris in a classic bra]]

{{quote|OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin.|Chris in [[sports bra photo series|the bra e-mail]]}}

'''Muscle bra''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the [[Wikipedia:sports bra|sports bra]] that [[Chris]] is wearing on his [[obesity|manboobs]].

The muscle bra first appeared in [[October 2009]] in the leaked e-mail accompanied by the [[sports bra photo series]] of photos. His usually bouncy moobs soon became less noticable in the new videos.

Later the same month, Chris appealed to others to wear a muscle bra too:

[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Chris with no bra whatsoever]]

{{quote|I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a muscle bra. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.|Chris in [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]]}}

Chris seems to find the male chest and pecs unappealing, it is more than likely he makes this claim in a shallow attempt to appear straighter than straight. It is also likely that Chris himself find muscle bras to be a necessity given his unusually large breasts. Given his [[Chris and art|inability]] to differentiate differences in other human beings anatomy, Chris may possibly see it as necessary for other males to cover up as well.

However all this raises the question, when was the last time Chris went to the beach?

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Sports bra photo series|More muscle bra photos]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Britney Spears

2010-01-05T00:21:36Z

Popobawa69:

[[Image:BritneySpears.jpg|thumb|right|Spears, a'la [[Officer Nasty]].]]

'''Britney Spears''' is an American "singer", whore, and favorite "music star" of [[Christian Weston Chandler]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#More Information About Myself]]</ref> Her personal levels of [[fail]] almost match his own and, much like Chris, has a tendency of making a complete jackass of herself by appearing in [[Nudes|unflattering photos]].

When playing a game of [[Pokémon]] with [[Lucas]], Chris sang along to Britney songs the entire time.<ref>Lucas in post 17272</ref>

After [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] grew up and became hot, Chris labeled her a "spittin' image of Britney Spears,"<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years]]</ref> but only because she was blonde. Because we all know how good Chris is with facial recognition.

==Britney and Chris's sexuality==
It is unlikely that Chris is a fan of her solely because of her music. He uses her as a method of proving his heterosexuality, as seen in [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|this video]]. On 10 June 2009, Chris once again relied on Britney Spears to prove his "straightness" by favoriting several of her music videos on his account, which was promptly hacked and replaced with gay propaganda videos. It is not confirmed if this really is Chris, but it probably is.

The entire process of Chris using Britney to prove his Straightness is very ironic, as Britney Spears is a praised icon for [[Homos]], as proven by Chris Crocker.

==Britney and Chris's past==
Another possibility why Chris obsesses over Britney is because she was extremely popular in America during the '90s, when Chris was growing up. He might be fond of her "music" simply for the nostalgia factor. His interest in her most likely started because all of his friends were girls and all girls back then loved Britney. This would give Chris the opportunity to be "one of the girls".

==Tributes==
[[Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|For the record, Britney's marriage only lasted 12 hours.|thumb]]

Chris performed a cover of Britney's popular 1999 hit "Crazy" called "[[Feel So Lonesome]]". In a similar fashion to "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", it consists mostly of Chris whining about being a [[virgin with rage]], and that girls won't go out with him because they are [[Boyfriend-free|already taken]].

Near the end of the [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008]] video, Chris's cellphone rings with a "Crazy" ringtone.

When it came time to do Round 3 of the [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_3|SingStar Challenge]], Chris chose to "sing" over her non-hit "Autumn Goodbye."

He also played "Heaven on Earth," on his [[KCWC_Top_10_Dedication_Special#Part_6:_.233|failure of what he considers "radio"]].

In his [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|ultimate, irrefutable proof that he is STRAIGHT]] (and completely \m/ metal \m/), Chris put a portrait of Britney on the wall, labelled simply "Oops!" (in reference to "Oops!... I Did It Again").

==References==
<references/>

{{DEFAULTSORT:Spears, Britney}}
[[Category:People]]

Chris and writing

2010-01-05T00:01:54Z

Popobawa69:

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

While [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has not shown his mastery at [[Chris and English|composing titillating pieces of literature]] as often as he has [[Chris and art|astounded us with his artistic skill]], he has nevertheless shown what he has been capable of '''writing''' through his [[Sonichu (comic)|outlandish webcomic]], several ill-guided blogging attempts and multiple short pieces of fiction and poetry.

== General problems ==
=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

One of the big problems that plagues Chris's writing is that he relies too much on exposition rather than implications from the actions and dialogue. Chris drops us a bunch of information, and assumes that is all that needs to be told. Part of this is just due to his inexperience as a writer ''and'' a reader, but part of it definitely comes from his [[autism]]: sticking to bare facts and not considering the fact that people need different kinds of information that pique their interests.

[[The High School Story]] is extremely exposition-heavy; indeed, it's a piece that has nothing ''but'' exposition. In this story, Chris is telling a tale like he would be telling about something that happened in real life (which, incidentally, is not very far from the truth) — the whole story could be used as an illustration of the "[[wikipedia:Show, don't tell|show, don't tell]]" rule.

When confronted with sentences like ''"Now, Terrah was a Great Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High"'', your average reader will probably ask "yes, but what was that artwork ''really'' like? How exactly was she praised, and who praised her? This story doesn't tell that!" As is [[Mailbag|often demonstrated]], Chris doesn't like to elaborate on things, and assumes everyone gets the whole picture from a single statement of fact.

We don't hear of examples of Terrah's masterful brushwork or competent scene composition in her paintings, or hear of her painstaking attention to detail as she worked the clay, sweat on her brow, barely aware of the passage of time, in the eerie, slightly flickering glow of the fluorescent lights in the art classroom in the basement of the aging public school — a grossly underfunded institution that was barely equipped to let her reach her full potential. We don't hear of the supressed tears of her classmates as they gaze upon the artwork that is utterly and totally full of Win. We don't hear of her teacher discussing the latest works of the little prodigy with other teachers over coffee. ''Because that would be showing.''

Furthermore, Terra's artistic skill is not introduced into the story until it becomes a plot point, when she feels she should win an award based on it. If she is as artistically-inclined as Chris intends, this trait should be introduced much earlier in the story, as it is certainly far more plot-relevant than, say, the character's homophobia.

When answering a letter in his [[mailbag]], Chris shows that he's under the impression that this level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics. Also, he lets us know that he's just being [[Chris and money|cheap]], since he can save money on markers by just writing down what happened, instead of having to illustrate it.

This isn't to say that using only exposition would be always bad. "[[How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls]]" is an example to the contrary, because many myths are told in a highly expository manner, as a recounting of events that happened long ago. For example, when people read about God creating the light in Genesis 1:3-4, they usually don't ask what "it was good" ''really'' means; no one, aside from a few enthusiastic theologians, immediately asks what God's ''motivation'' was in creating light, or how He might have ''really felt'' that day. Readers can't expect answers to those questions, because the events happened long before they were written.

===Plot construction and tension===
In any story, the best part about the story is the plot itself. It's what moves the story and what draws readers' attention to it. It could be said that ''coming up with interesting things that could happen'', ''coming up with interesting characters'' and ''telling how those characters interact and either make things happen or hinder the progress'' are some of the basic construction materials of any stories. If the story lacks any sort of interesting little hooks, readers will not give a damn about the story, and will stop reading and turn away. Sadly, when Chris builds plots, there's no drive or feel to it, thus making it seem like everything's ''there''. Many times, it is that way.

While Chris does have a ''few'' good ideas (derivative or otherwise), he tends to pull it through as quickly as possible, with very little real suspense. Chris has built a cast of recolored characters, and he has come up with some sort of events that these characters must go through. Sadly, though, he puts zero effort in making characters interact in any plausible manner. Chris's characters never have to actually ''prove'' to the reader that they're able to advance the plot: we ''know'' they'll do it, because they're Chris's characters who can't fail.

In competently-put-together stories, heroes would need to prove to the readers that they're able to conquer the challenge ("It's not impossible: I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home; they're not much bigger than two meters"), or show that the heroes are ''learning'' to be able to conquer the challenge ("They say The User lives outside the Net and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out"). Sarah Connor eventually figures out that weeping and cowering won't work and kicking Terminator ass is perfectly doable once she figures out how. Neo must first blow his frigging mind to become the One and destroy the Matrix. Frodo must face the fact that he's just a plain ol' hobbit (and hence saving the world is a little bit out of his league) and that the One Ring is messing with everyone's head, including his.

In Chris's stories, good guys win ''by default''. Many, if not all, of the battles in his series seem to be utterly one-sided and boring. Most of the time, this is caused by Sonichu or Chris having a power that is needed right then and there without any explanation. A good example of this is the battle between Sonichu and [[Liquid Chris|"IBAChandler"]] in Sonichu 9. IBA shows up for a grand total of ''one page'' before getting curb stomped. In a way, it shows that only one Chris can exist, but at the same time, that fact that Sonichu defeated the person without even breaking a sweat shows that Chris has no real patience for thinking what kind of characters IBA and Sonichu ''are'', and if they ended up in a fight, what kind of battle would it be. Sonichu is a hero, hence he must win; IBA is a villain, hence he must fall. No further explanation is required in Chris's mind, and the one-page confrontation is just a courtesy for the reader.

Drama is also a hard thing for Chris to do. In well-written stories, characters usually have to jump hurdles after hurdles to reach their goal. At times, they have to make certain choices that could either help them, or bite them in the ass in the future. Chris, being Chris, believes in the saying that they should "have their cake and eat it, too." Going back to Sonichu 9, Sonichu is confronted with a choice: let Reldnahc take over CWCVille or Rosechu dies. If Sonichu really were the Sonic ripoff he was, he'd probably attempt to save Rosechu and somehow be stopped in the process, then given the ultimatum again. Instead, Chris forgoes it and has Bionic and Darkbind save the day not even a page later. A competently-written hero usually will be able to save both the love interest and society at large, but it will take that much more drive, courage, ingenuity, and skill. If the character is going to completely win, then the audience expects a little extra effort to justify this, and a ''deus ex machina'' will not satisfy. A particularly blatant example of this is the cover art for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', which depicts Chris having already beaten his various enemies, thus diffusing any possible tension.

Another thing that Chris has no drive to prolong is the need for love interests. In many series, potential love interests, upon meeting, either hate each other's guts, are oblivious to one's feelings, or start out as good friends and work their way to being lovers. Ongoing comics tend to wait years for character A to finally fall in love with character B. Series centered around romance, especially ''shoujo'' [[anime]], tend to wait until the very end of the series for the characters to announce their true feelings, whereupon they "all live happily ever after".

Because of Chris's need to have true and loving couples, virtually every Sonichu and Rosechu has been hooked up with the exception of Magi-Chan and Silvana (and you know that they're going to be ''somehow''). Even worse, there's no build-up to these moments — they meet, hook up and screw all right there, often through the cop-out plot device of "love at first sight". Just read the past comics again — can you find the precise ''motivations'' Blake and Bubbles had when they got together? What did they like about each other? How about all those new lovehog couples who were unveiled in Sonichu 9? Chris likes to ramble about true love and respecting people's personalities, but the inter-personal chemistries of his ''characters'' remain mysteries to us.

Let's put this into context:

*It took Superman ''sixty years'' to marry Lois Lane.
*It took Spider-Man ''twenty years'' to marry Mary Jane Watson and another twenty to have it retconned.
*It took Sonic the Hedgehog ''ten years'' to admit his feelings to Princess Sally in the comics, and another year to break them apart.
*It took Sailor Moon ''two seasons'' to be able to have a happy moment with Tuxedo Kamen without something screwing it up for them.
*It takes Chris ''less than one episode'' to pair people up and have [[hanky-panky]]!

As one can see, Chris doesn't like buildup or suspense; thus, he bluntly goes into something full-force, expecting his readers to accept it.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion{{cite}}}}

Chris's lyrics vary from acceptable for the sort of cheesy tie-in music (used with [[Transformers|certain franchises]] [[Pokémon|of which he is a fan]]) usually written by D-list hack writers, to hilariously awful and full of painful rhymes, giving us lines such as "[[Feel So Lonesome|if no girl comes, I'll break my arm]]."

His poetry, however, is far worse: it's simply abysmal, consisting of one assault after another on the English language. Painful rhymes [[Saddest Heart in the World|are even more present than in his songs]]; other times, he [[Valentines Day Hymn|breaks the mood of the poem]] to throw in some of his trademark [[random-access humor]]. Chris also tends to use rather dated language in his poetry, not unlike in his written messages to his fanbase; however, it is not "how do I love thee" dated, which is generally acceptable (though a tad cliched sometimes), but the sort of mushy language used in Valentine's Day cards like the ones kids hand out in elementary school, or perhaps the dialogue on many [[I Love Lucy|old television shows]]. This is especially evident in his poems "Valentine's Day Hymn" (which is not a hymn, or any sort of song at all, as it lacks both a discernible tune and any sort of rhyme or meter scheme) and "Saddest Heart in the World."

== Chris and short fiction ==
[[Image:F1p13.jpg|thumb|right|To be fair, his writing does have a certain infamous appeal to it]]

Chris shows the [[Fail|same amount of skill]] when concocting prose as he does when crafting poetry. Earlier works, like "How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls" and "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", show a slightly juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. But overall, these pieces have certainly childlike charm, and would be moderately impressive if done by a 4th grader.

Until you realize Chris was fucking eighteen years old.

{{quote| Needing to hit the monster in the same manner, Super Sonic rushed again at such a speed. And once again, he ran in and [[Kacey Call|came out the mouth]].|Chris, proving the [[Beel|devil]] is in the details.}}

Recently an impressive new work has emerged along with the [[CWCipedia]]. Dealing with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|yet another female adaptation of Chris]], "[[The High School Story]]" is another fascinating and vaguely creepy look at Chris's literary process. While the narrative and sense of drama have been amped up considerably, [[Chris and English|confusing grammatical and syntax problems]] are far more present. Whereas most [[Fan:Chris Gets Laid|pieces]] [[Fan:The Death of Sonichu|of]] [[Fan:CWCVille 1984|fiction]] utilize the rules of the English language to better express their story, Chris made the bold move to [[Sex|screw]] the rules entirely.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.|Chris, momentarily forgetting the story in order to encourage [[gay]] bashing}}

This story in particular displays Chris's inability to immerse himself in a character that is not simply some strangely conceived version of himself.

== Chris as a comic writer ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''
=== Lack of cohesive script ===
Like all forms of narrative art, a comic needs a script. No one who writes serious comics keeps the scripts in their head; most comics are scripted either in very rough sketch form, or textually, or both. When discussing the [[Sonichu (game)|video game plans]], he said his game ideas are in his head, and he'd probably say the same about the comic. ''If'' Chris has a grand plan for the comic, he's using the same "pure gold on first try" mentality as in everywhere else.

=== Textwalls and unreadable bubble layouts ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, ''try'' reading that]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
As far as dialogue writing goes, aside from the lack of proofreading and editing, Chris's biggest sin is textwalling. Characters just can't shut up at times, and this leads to him forgetting that comics are meant to show the readers things, and not turn into inconveniently typeset novels without any of the requisite bits of narration and scene-setting. He has absolutely no organization to his speech bubbles, sometimes forcing readers' eyes to jump all over a page to try and put together what he was trying to say, including using '''numbers''' to disclaim the flow of a conversation. There are several free or cheap software packages specifically designed for easy comic and speech bubble layout, and they are easy enough for even rank amateurs to comprehend. Chris also has Photoshop, which can be used to create speech bubbles with minor effort, provided one invests some time in learning how to do that. (Learning, of course, is not really in Chris's alley.) He also appears to draw his pages in one go, hand-writing the speech bubbles first and later replacing them with computer lettering; this approach leaves precious little leeway if you don't plan things perfectly on the first try. Most comic artists write their script first, draw the images while leaving some space for speech bubbles, and composite the whole thing together in a graphics app — this allows for more flexibility and opportunities to tweak the artwork. In [[Mailbag 19]], Chris says the reason he does things this way is because "[He] feel preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references. Look it up in most other Comic Books; they have loads of dialogue, plus I.M.H.O., with [his] dialogue pages, it saves marker ink in comparison to most pages."

In other words, he's a lazy fuck who doesn't want to draw everything, so he takes the easy way out. In actuality, most western comics nowadays tend to let the pictures do the talking and not the characters themselves. If there is a load of dialogue, it's because the character is describing something and is doing it through multiple panels, not just one huge one. Manga ''may'' be like this, but this is only because of translations as a simple few characters in one panel is usually expanded on when translated into English or other languages.

When Chris draws his comic pages, he draws them while attempting to squish ''everything'' onto the page. He leaves nothing to the imagination, trying to show everything that has happened on one page. One of the earliest examples of this can be seen with [[Sonichu 0]] with the Pikachu running into action at the same time Sonic turns into Super Sonic and attacks Perfect Chaos. Where most comics tend to have six panels of action at most, Chris crams a whopping ''ten panels'' onto the page. The result of trying to cram as much action as he can is an amazing mess, making readers completely unable to tell what is going on. Such manhandling of the material once again shows an utter lack of planning, preparation and refining-based approach.

=== Kudzu plot ===
Newer issues, written under increasing troll pressure, also introduce one big problem: Chris likes to put in tributes to "fans," and those plotlines never go anywhere. As a result, people who are not aware of the goings-on in trolling are boundlessly confused by all these developments, and people who ''do'' have some sense of how Chris is being trolled have no idea how he can fix this quagmire of tangled plotlines he's gotten into. People can see he's trying to yank a root; ''we'' know that root has been rigged with deadly explosives, and Chris won't believe it if we tell him.

Leaving loose strands was a problem with Chris's work earlier (Just what the ''hell'' happened to the Metal Sonichu, anyway?) but it has really worsened in the recent works. Sometimes, he realizes his plot is getting weird and out sync with all of those brilliant plans in his mind, and trims the kudzu plot with a giant machete. Chris has no energy or creativity to fix hastily introduced characters properly, and when he does fix them, it's not pretty.

[[Jiggliami]] and [[Blanca]] appear in [[Sonichu 8]], but they serve very little purpose besides making a quick appearance, although Jiggliami's discovery helps the good guys defeat the bad guys' plans. In real life, Chris had been betrayed by the ''evil'' troll, and [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|in the fateful September 11th video]], claimed Jiggliami as his character. After Jiggliami and Blanca had made their appearance, Chris shooed them off the comic. That is not passive ''neglect'' of the characters: he ''literally'' said that Jiggliami went away and had a successful career elsewhere.

Indeed, if there's a literary equivalent of rape, this is as close as it will ever get. After Chris's and Blanca's "break-up," Chris used her character ''just to spite Blanca'' and then tossed Jiggliami on the wayside. He could have used his "original" characters in this episode with no harm done to anyone, but he ''insisted'' on using Jiggliami in this comic. If this had been a [[parody]] of Jiggliami and the ''evil'' troll Blanca (as was done to Jimmy Hill in the [[Sonichu 10]] preview), this might have been appropriate too. A regular comic writer might have said "goddamn it, I've been trolled, I can't use any of this rubbish that the trolls made." But not Chris; he ''claimed Jiggliami and Blanca as his own characters and used them in a comic like he would have used any of his own characters, then threw them away in cold blood''.

In another ghoulish example of fixing up tangled trolling plots, [[Ivy]] was introduced in the Date Ed episode of [[Sonichu 9]], while she was still Chris's girlfriend. No doubt this was intended as a major plotline, but not at all surprisingly, it never came to fruition. After a romantic start, in which Ivy and Chris meet ''within their minds, across a gap in time and space'' with [[Chris and religion|God And Jesus as matchmakers]] (or something along those lines; Chris is [[Time Void|trapped in the mirror]] and Ivy is in the Dating Ed class), Ivy was never mentioned in the following episode at all, except for a brief mention that ''[[Chris and death|she died]] off-page in a gruesome elevator accident while the city was being destroyed''.

This order of events is what the people will see when they read the Sonichu 9 in the order it's in on CWCipedia. Yet, readers who are aware of news from the troll front were aware of Ivy's situation long before Chris killed Ivy-the-character in an elevator and knew Chris ''had'' to fix this somehow. Things became even more muddled, because Chris had leaked several other comics with Ivy ([[Wedding Comic]] and [[Giant Penis Comic]]) in which Chris is together with Ivy in CWCville and they even go so far as to get married — while in the official comic timeline, Chris and Ivy never met physically! Chris can leave the Time Void at will to taunt people (''canonically'' shown in [[Sonichu 8]] elevator scene!), but can he get out of the time void to get [[hanky-panky]] from various women, too?

Something similar happens in [[Sonichu Special 4]] where Chris (again, somehow free of the never-ending void of time and space that has consumed him) shoots [[Liquid]] in the knees to save [[Kacey]] for some reason that is never explained. Notably, Chris is unfased by the death of his [[Wedding Comic|wife]] and moves straight on to Kacey through the Sonichu Specials, not even showing an ounce of written emotion for his dearly departed [[Ivy]] by the time Sonichu Special 4 rolls around. What's more, Liquid ''has no plausible reason to exist within the comic''; his canonical appearance in Sonichu 9 is utterly unexplained. He just appears and gets beaten for no reason. Granted, it ''could'' be an in-joke, but still, with the plot as tangled as it is this is highly unlikely and is an emphasis on Chris's fail at having any sort of consistent, logical characters and plot.

The worst offender of this ends up being the final fate of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] and the rest of Chris's characters. As of the end of Sonichu 9, Chris has decided that he was going to remove himself and anyone connected to his misadventures in trying to find a sweetheart. In doing so, he left the incident with Crystal hanging, as well as leaving the strange plot point of Count Graduon wanting to see Slaweel dead.

=== Dialogue ===

Whenever authors decide to write a comic, they usually try to give characters speech that reflects the character's personality. Dialogue is also used to reflect the scene as well as the interaction between character A and character B. Most comic writers, however, try to give the character rather limited dialogue in an effort to get the reader to focus on the art of the panel or the scenes rather than the dialogue. But like everything else in the comic, Chris tries it, half-asses it, and rips off various other sources while trying to play it off as "original". Most times it features unfunny jokes, sexual innuendo (mind you, this is a comic intended for children), and "witty banter" before the recolors take down the bad guys for the hundredth time within the span of 6 pages or less (because unlike Chris IRL, they can't fail).

Chris also tends to turn most dialogue into textwalls that can take up a whole page. This is usually done whenever a [[Magi-chan|Deus ex machina]] needs to update the recolors on the current situation, when a character needs to go into a long, drawn-out speech which will usually end with the speaker most likely getting his ass kicked, or whenever two characters are going through a long exchange and Chris is too lazy to draw panels, a background, or even dialogue in a consistent manner that doesn't require the reader to assume that they are reading it the right way. Sometimes Chris actually includes numbers so readers will at least get a good idea as to where to start and how to finish each page.

Another thing to consider is inter-character interaction. For one who prefers to write dialogue than to draw comic pages, he rarely offers any interactions between characters that give us a hint as to why characters love or hate each other. When a Sonichu meets a Rosechu, they usually go through very limited interaction that eventually ends with the partners meeting, speaking one sentence, dating, and then [[chris and sex|hanky panky]]. Can anyone really say for certain why Sonichu is attracted to Rosechu (unless she has a thing for yellow stalkers who show up without an explanation) or even why anyone decided to hook up with their respective partners based on dialogue? The answer: '''NO''', because Chris can't be bothered giving reasons as to why something happens. It's Chris's comic and we're merely observing his sick mind for our own entertainment.

In other words, Chris can't write dialogue even though he insists on writing textwalls in what should be a visual medium rather than drawing, which is just as shitty.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|right|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

Chris has had a few journalistic aspirations in the past, as easily evidenced by [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]]. Of course, to say any of these publications would be up to some journalistic standard is just false — the ''Nintendo Power'' magazine is complete and utter fabrication (if only ''wishful'' fabrication) from cover to the, er, nonexistent back cover.

To Chris's credit, the homemade magazine is likely not a legitimate attempt at journalism, and is merely an attempt to make himself look like a True and Honest fan of ''Nintendo Power'', and to express his wish that the new games he described would be produced and published. Everyone who looks at the magazine will immediately see it as a piece of wish-fulfillment fan work — a "future issue" of ''Nintendo Power'' where all of his dreams come true. He's not trying to pull a Spax3-esque "''Mega Man 9'' was published for NES too, gamerfannns" stunt.

The News Dash follows the same formula as his blogging later on: self-centered rambling on what happened to him and what kind of not-very-exciting developments he has in store for the comic. And, of course, there's the most important part of the newsletter: the dating ad.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his "News Dash" mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog ''format'': entries posted in chronological order. Instead, Chris stuck new updates where the heck he could find new space that day, resulting a rather Time Cube-like appearance.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]], his current blog.

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the 'purpose' of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your [[Chris and politics|opinions]] and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to [[Autism|get the communicative part]]. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

The [[CWC Blog]] is Chris's most recent blog, where he shouts his authoritarian decrees to his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. Given that it's run by our [[Cogsdev|glorious leader]], and entirely insulated from slanderous [[trolls]] telling him to get a job, Chris will probably be ranting for a long, long time.

== Chris's Reading Habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. As it is with [[Sonichu (comic)|so]] [[SingStar Challenge|many]] [[LittleBigPlanet|other]] [[51 50|things]], Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into [[A Week With Christian Chandler|high school]]. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read [[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]] a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven [[Lies|false]] when [[Fail|he confused it with Of Mice and Men]].

== Tl;dr ==

Chris has no concept of a consistent plot, cannot write coherent dialogue or poetry, and he has never been able to pull an original character with a consistent personality [[dirty crapped briefs|out of his ass]]. In short, he can't write for shit.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]
{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]