CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-05-01T13:56:24Z

Positive Soda Motel: /* "I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..." */

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}{{AlecBensonLeary}}{{ClassicChris}}{{Hikikomori}}

== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail. I just make small edits and clean stuff up. (for now)

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-05-01T13:54:10Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}{{AlecBensonLeary}}{{ClassicChris}}{{Hikikomori}}

== "I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail. I just make small edits and clean stuff up. (for now)

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-05-01T13:52:27Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}{{AlecBensonLeary}}{{ClassicChris}}{{Hikikomori}} == ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail. I just make small edits and clean stuff up. (for now)

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-05-01T13:52:11Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}{{AlecBensonLeary}}{{ClassicChris}}{{Hikikomori}}== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail. I just make small edits and clean stuff up. (for now)

Chandler Cats

2018-04-30T14:15:31Z

Positive Soda Motel: /* Deceased and/or MIA Cats */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least seven '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Pollo, Lucy, and Sorbet are the only three of the cats confirmed to still be alive as of [[2016]]. The status of the others is currently unknown, with the exception of Scamper, who perished in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] that destroyed the Chandler home in [[2014]]. Chris got Sorbet, the newest cat, in September of 2016.

==Cats Currently Residing at 14 Branchland Court==
===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 [[December 2004]], as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]].

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of [[2013]], thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

Chris posted a Facebook status on November 24, 2015 revealing Pollo, whom he introduces as a "new friend" for Lucy, confirming that she was still alive as of this date. This makes Lucy over ten years old, as well as the Chandlers' second longest-lasting known pet, after [[Patti Chandler|Patti]]. Lucy made an appearance in Chris's "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video on December 13, 2015. Many people pointed out the "please let me die" expression she appeared to have on her face. She sat in Chris's lap throughout the video, but hilariously got down the instant Chris asked her if she loved him. Unlike Kitty, Lucy appears to be rather docile while still showing her dislike of Chris.
{{-}}

===Pollo===

[[File:Pollo chandler.jpg|thumb|250px|Pollo Chandler, unaware of the hardships he will face in the near future.]]

'''Pollo''' was introduced to the Chandler Household on November 24. Pollo [ˈpo.ʝo] is [[Spanish]] for "chicken", although it is also a shortening of "Apollo". Chris pronounces his name "pole oh", probably in an attempt to sound British, although 'pollo' is pronounced the same way in England as it is in the rest of the English-speaking world (Also unintentionally referencing the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polo_(confectionery) British mints]] of the same name). His existence was revealed to the world by Chris via a [[Facebook]] status, which also confirmed that, as of November 24, 2015, Lucy is still alive as well. Pollo was referred to in the status as "Lucy's new friend." Very little is known about Pollo at this time, though he appears to already be an adult. As the [[Rental House Tour]] audio showed us, [[Clover and Snoopy|Chris's dogs]] are very unfriendly around strangers, so only time will tell if Pollo ends up getting killed or not.

In the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video, uploaded on December 13, 2015, Chris states that Pollo is an outside cat. This may prove to be unfortunate, as cats who are allowed outside statistically have shorter lifespans than those who strictly live indoors. However, given the conditions indoors, it's actually possible that he may defy such statistics and have a better chance at survival outside than in amongst the piles of junk, where he is constantly at risk of being crushed by falling objects or being torn apart by the unsocialised beagles.

Pollo makes his first appearance on video in [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.]] He currently seems to be in good health despite the hardships he is facing, and even nuzzles Chris a few times, suggesting that he may actually be the one who is looked after the most out of the incumbent Chandler Pets.

Pollo made his second appearance in [[Chris's Specimen Sample]], still showing affection towards Chris. Viewers have noted the particularly large and loud collar he wears, and the fact that Chris attempts to get him to look at the camera, against Pollo's will.
{{-}}

===Sorbet===
[[File:Sorbet2.jpg|thumb|250px|Sorbet Chandler]]
On 19 September 2016, Chris [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|announced on Facebook]] that he has a new cat, which he named Sorbet ("sor-BAY") because the cat's orange color reminded him of orange sorbet, a frozen fruit juice dessert similar to sherbet. Sorbet was part of a litter of four cats whom the Chandlers had been feeding for several months prior to September, 2016. Two of the cats "went elsewhere," though Sorbet and his sister (whom Chris called "Orange Cream" because of her orange and white colors) remained. It currently is not known whether or not Chris has taken in both cats.

Half of Sorbet's left rear paw is missing, appearing to have been cut off. Chris found an inexpensive vet to treat the wound and allow Sorbet to be able to walk better. Chris is currently keeping him in his bedroom, with Lucy there to keep him company. Chris has stated that the donations he had been receiving from [[fans]] has helped him to better afford Sorbet's operation.

Like Pollo, Sorbet seems to be considerably more friendly towards Chris, and seems quite happy with being held. ''Unlike'' Pollo, Chris actually pronounces the name correctly ("sor-bay").

Sorbet makes a brief cameo in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid]], where the camera angle towards the end of the video shows that he is being held by Chris as he kicks a [[Transformers]] toy in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] over [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] winning the Presidential election.

[[File:Sorbet Sept2017.jpg||thumb|left|Sorbet, in a photo taken a few months after the accident.]]
On 19 [[May 2017]] Sorbet wandered off and was hit by a car:
{{Quote|Sorbet was found today, by a neighbor. He had not returned home last night. Thank [[God]] I put my number on his tag. A neighbor found him, looking hurt, hiding in a gutter under their driveway. It took effort, and a water spray from a hose. We got him out; he suffered some head trauma; uneven pupil dialation, bruises and dings; some bleeding. Doctor said it looked like he was hit by a car. He's staying at the vet over the weekend for examination and bathing. Say a prayer for Sorbet in his quick recovery. We all love him. — feeling sad.<ref>[[May_2017_Facebook_posts]]</ref>}}
Uneven pupil dilation is a classic sign of [[Wikipedia:Traumatic brain injury|traumatic brain injury]], so Sorbet may not be long for this world. Fortunately however, Chris [[May_2017_Facebook_posts#Sorbet back from the vet, recovering|did later confirm that]] Sorbet returned home and is presently recovering from his injuries after a short stay at the vet, having been cleaned up and confirmed to still have his sight and hearing. However, Chris later released a [[Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy| video]] on the 29th of May where Sorbet is shown to have breathing difficulties.
{{-}}

On 8 [[August 2017]], Chris posted a photo of his cat Lucy for International Cat Day. Among Chris' followers, the lack of photos of Sorbet raised speculation of the cat's passing. To counter this claim, Chris shared a photo of Sorbet.<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/895243822543798272 Twitter photo of Sorbet]</ref> He appears again in the videos of Chris watching the [[Crescent_Eclipse|solar eclipse]] at the end of August, but his condition appears to have deteriorated -- his eye is very dilated and glossy and his breathing is painfully loud and strained. Despite his injuries and potential ilness, he still attempts to show affection towards Chris, but his attempts at meowing come out as strained snorts and gurgles, indicating that he may have fluid in his lungs; whether this is a complication of the accident or an undiagnosed illness is not yet known.

==KIA and/or MIA Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

'''Desi''' is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''' is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that he was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scamper was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Scamper briefly shows up during the infamous [[Tour of Christian's House]], in which he pauses for a moment before going outside to talk to them before continuing on his way. Other than that, Scamper appeared in comparatively few videos compared to Chris's other pets.

Very little info about him exists, except that, like Desi, he was not house-trained and shat everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scamper was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Chris [[CatKnight Interview 3|confirmed in February of 2016]] that Scamper was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in [[January 2014]]. According to Chris, the cleaners found the body of the cat behind the toilet, dead from smoke inhalation. The Chandlers buried Scamper in the backyard and had a moment of silence, but Chris seemed very apathetic about one of his pets passing. Prior to this, it was unclear whether it was Scamper or Kitty who was killed in the fire.
{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Very little is known of Skittles or its gender, but given the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], it was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
{{-}}

===Kitty===

[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really seemed to care about, evidenced by the fact that she was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kittty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

With Chris's confirmation that it was Scamper who died in the house fire, Kitty's status is unknown. It is unclear whether she died, ran away, or was given away by the Chandlers (unlikely, given her aggressive behavior), or when she left the Chandler household. All that is certain is that she was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by January of 2014.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]]
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
File:Please kill me.png|Lucy with Chris in the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video. Note her depressed expression.
File:14358753 1159491850811959 7297210147392903311 n.jpg|Pollo in September 2016
File:14433018 1159491804145297 3015821214900701305 n.jpg|Lucy in September 2016
File:14469471 1159491797478631 3097489880885381608 n.jpg|Sorbet in September 2016
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Main Page

2018-04-30T13:42:59Z

Positive Soda Motel: Attempt at restoring the main page.

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__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__

[[Category:Special]]

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-04-23T14:49:17Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}{{AlecBensonLeary}}{{ClassicChris}}
== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail.

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-04-20T19:54:00Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}{{Bisexual}}{{JERK}}

== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail.

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-04-20T19:53:05Z

Positive Soda Motel:

{{Americunt}}{{Observer}}

== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail.

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-04-20T19:50:38Z

Positive Soda Motel:

== ''"I looove youuu Je-sus Chr-iiiiiiiiii..."'' ==

Casual follower of Chris' exploits. Been following Chris' Adult Chronicles since the burning of 14 Branchland Court and Fredrik Knudsen's video talking about him in detail.

User:Positive Soda Motel

2018-04-20T19:29:36Z

Positive Soda Motel: Created page with "Casual follower of Chris' exploits."

Casual follower of Chris' exploits.

Relics of Fail

2018-04-17T19:36:49Z

Positive Soda Motel: /* The Major Relics */

{{protip|Have you "discovered" a new Relic of Fail? Make sure it's considered a relic under the [[Talk:Relics of Fail#A Taxonomy of Fail|the Taxonomy of Fail]].}}

The '''Relics of Fail''', also known as '''Christorical Artefacts''', are several items that Chris places significant emotional value on. Most of the fates of these relics are unknown following the [[Destruction of Chris's House|fire at 14 Branchland Court]], but several relics, including the [[Sonic Totem]], the [[Megatron Pistol]] and the [[Crumple-Lope]] are confirmed to have survived, with others likely to have escaped serious damage as well.

==The Major Relics==
[[Image:Chrischan sonichu medal.jpg|thumb|[[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion, Mark 1]]]]

* [[Amnyfest Ring]] - Since the Sonichu medallions were stolen, Chris has claimed this [[Chris and English|mysteriously]]-named high school ring is the TRUE source of his power. He has since put the ring up on Ebay, claiming his true source of power is within himself.
* [[Attraction Sign]] - A relic of days past when Chris had not yet been told by his mother that soliciting using a sign made him look retarded. Many versions existed, [[Mary Lee Walsh|most were destroyed]]. The most recent sight of this to date was at [[Fridays After Five]].
* [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'' DVD]] - A DVD composed of many home videos among other things, such as his [[Song of Christian]].
* [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] - Apparently convinced this counts as a real guitar, Chris is often seen with his beloved ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller in attempts to look cool. It invariably has the opposite effect.
* [[Medallions of Fail|Medallions]] - Hunks of Crayola-brand modeling clay fashioned into the shape of Sonichu's head, among other characters' heads. Once believed by trolls to be the source of his power, they were swiftly corrected, and now Chris shows off his Amnyfest Ring to show that his videos are true and honest. Chris eventually began production selling new medallions on [[eBay]] in [[2014]].
* [[The Classic]] - Chris's famous blue, white and red rugby shirt. Formerly thought to have been destroyed during the fire of 2014, Chris later rediscovered it in a damp and grimy bag of clothes, and put it up for sale on eBay after "restoring" by cleaning it the shirt and poorly patching it up.
* [[PS3]] - Chris's life upgrade and the biggest drain on his [[Monthly Tugboat]]. Chris is now on to his [[The MovingForward videos|second PS3]].
* [[PSEye]] - The window through which trolls can catch glimpses of Chris and his day-to-day life.
* [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] - The other, more high-quality window to Chris's world.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] - A three-ring binder containing all of Chris's comic pages and other drawings.
* [[Patti Chandler|Patti's corpse and doghouse]] - Chris's beloved dog who is buried in the Chandlers backyard under her doghouse.
* [[Hair|Locks of Chris's hair]] - Probably the only Relic to have been obtained by trolls which actually comes from Chris's own body.
* Gift Basket of Fail - In a [[:File:Virginbreaker.png|private facebook note]], Chris said that he had given a gift basket to the [[Mia Hamm|woman who took his virginity]]. This relic might not actually exist, as some suspect that "gift basket" is actually a [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|payment given to a prostitute]]. Alternatively, some suspect that Chris had [[List of Chris's lies|made up]] the story of how he lost his virginity and that it didn't happen at all.
* The [[Un-clit]] - A piercing on Chris's [[:wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] that was made on 15 September 2014. Chris believes that this piece of metal will be useful to him should he engage in [[:wikipedia:tribadism|tribadism]] with a female.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> It later became inflamed, prompting Chris to re-pierce it and then remove it forever.
* The [[self-inflicted taint wound]] - This time, Chris, not content with a mere piercing, took a knife and '''sliced his taint open'''. He then had to be persuaded to get medical care by the very people who troll him.
* Samples of Chris's [[Semen]] - a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULDGgv35otw video] that was uploaded on 26 February 2016 reveals that Chris has been saving samples of his semen and storing them in his home fridge. In the video Chris showed two samples of semen, one that was produced recently and [https://kiwifar.ms/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FWaGaBf7.png&hash=d898fbfa3c196d9601d96f5c237a8ee8 another one from 18 May 2015].

==The Minor Relics==
[[Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|[[Son-Chu]]]]

* [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - A short tract produced by Chris and given as a birthday gift to his [[gal-pal]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. The document chronicles the lives of its two title characters and the (almost non-existent) relationship they had while depicting them (and several of their friends and family) as Sonichu characters. The tract's current fate is unknown, although it is more than likely to have been thrown away by Sarah shortly after receiving it.
* [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' issue]] - A lengthy homemade issue of ''Nintendo Power'', crafted to show Sonic ditching Sega to join [[Nintendo]] and revealing a little bit of what Chris wants in a [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' game]].
* [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] - An odd-looking creation, though more original than most of his works. Born of [[Pixelblocks]], it is used in the comics to summon his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].
* [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]] - A bra that Chris wears to keep his [[manboobs]] in check. He believes that everyone will be turned [[Homos|gay]] if they don't wear one, too.
* [[Pedo-Glasses]] - Have you ever noticed how most [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and rapists in composite sketches wear these kinds of glasses? Yeah, don't think too hard about that.
* [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] - Yet another vessel for Chris's video game obsession. Chris, in typical fashion, has decorated it with images of his flagship character and his own face.
* [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' Poster]] - Chris uses this poster to keep himself [[straight]].
* [[Son-Chu]] - Chris's beaten old station wagon, now nearly two years overdue for an oil change. Has been replaced twice over the years. Also appears in the comic as one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]].

==The Lesser Relics==
[[Image:TG8.jpg|thumb|[[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]]]]

* [[Anime Wings]] - A pair of women's hairclips that Chris got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]. For some reason, Chris felt the need to incorporate them into his comic.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt Buckle]] - Not a very well-known relic, but nonetheless extremely amusing.
* [[Clown Doll]] - A harmless-looking clown doll, significant in that it often bears the brunt of Chris's fury in his many rage videos.
* [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|Home]][[Three-Quarter Woman|made CDs]] - Chris has made a life out of burning homemade CDs with his own crappy artwork on it. The first notable one was the birth of everybody's favorite [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. The second notable was a CD supposedly made for his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]], but in reality it was [[Chris and his ego|all about him]]. The third notable, ''Songs Between Friends: A CD for Christian & Sarah'', is a mystery one made for [[Sarah Hammer]] on 22 July 2003. Virtually nothing is known about this disc and its track list; its existence and the date in which it was made are attested solely by a [[:File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|drawing]] from Chris's [[Scrapbook]].
* [[Fapcup]] - A plastic cup used by Chris to collect his [[semen]] for [[recycling]].
* [[Li'l Chris]] - A stuffed bear created at "Create-a-Crear Workshop".
* [[Megatron pistol|Megatron Pistol]] - A toy handgun Chris uses to [[Death threats|threaten]] his most hated [[trolls|foes]].
* [[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]] - A pair of fake breasts often seen in his videos, possibly used as a sign of heterosexual virility and as a [[mass debating]] tool.
* [[Pocket knife]] - A knife that Chris can't handle at all.
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] - A Poké Ball-shaped pedometer originally packaged with the [[Pokémon|''Pokémon HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']] versions, recolored in the image of one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].
* [[Sex toys]] - Lots and lots of sex toys, including sex dolls, a vibrator, a dildo, a penis pump, a [[Un-clit|strap]] from the dildo, anal beads, penis rings and two Fleshlights.
* [[Sonic Totem]] - A demonic looking papier-mâché Sonic that Chris made, and appears in few videos. It has since been [[Sonic Totem and More|sold]] for $1,500 on [[eBay]].
* [[Unicorn cosplay]] - A set of unicorn ears, a horn, and a tail that Chris got at [[BronyCon]] 2017. Chris has since worn these accessories outdoors, and even to church, where he was asked to remove it.
* [[Nintendo|Wiimote of Fail]] - Like the PSP and ''Guitar Hero'' controller, this poor Wiimote has been decked out in Sonichu colors and was used in Chris's attempts to get [[Miyamoto]] to make him a video game.
* [[List of toys|Other miscellaneous toys]] - Too many to count; can be seen in Chris's videos and photographs cluttering all over his room. The most notable ones have been listed in this article.
* [[List of Chris's games|Various video games]] and their respective consoles - Thousands of dollars have been spent on them, some of it right from the [[Monthly Tugboat|pockets of the American taxpayers]]. Chris sold some of those games and consoles to [[Snooky's Pawn Shop]], where they were later obtained by [[Clyde Cash]].

==Artwork of Fail==
* [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] - Even the simple task of drawing a straight line to depict a drinking straw evades Chrissy.

==Inventions of Fail==
[[File:Tesla.jpg|thumb|[[wikipedia:Nikola Tesla|Nikola Tesla]], another famous inventor who had a mental disorder and died a virgin. The similarities end at this point.]]

{{quote|"Necessity is the mother of invention", and I have invented quite a few crafts that have served me well.|Chris's reply to "Leonardo da Vinci", CWCipedia [[Mailbag]].}}

Chris is truly a renaissance man, with many '''inventions''' to his credit. He draws [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], makes [[YouTube|videos]], is an accomplished [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|singer]], models sculptures out of [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]], provides voices for the [[Official Videobooks]], and much more. But being the [[David Alan Chandler|second]] son of the outstanding inventor [[Bob Chandler]], the man who designed controls for plastic water container molding machines (without which Chris would have no [[Fapcup|cup]] from which to [[Recycling|drink]] his [[Semen|navy]]), our hero just couldn't suppress his natural talent to invent. Thus, Chris added being an inventor extraordinaire to his long list of "accomPLISHments."

In [[November 2009]], Chris received an [[Mailbag 1#Chris the inventor|e-mail]] from a [[Troll|fan]] roleplaying as the late Leonardo da Vinci, one of the great artists with whom Chris has compared himself [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|in the past]] (managing to forget the great Italian's name and misspell his surname). Leo ironically stated that he considers Chris his [[Chris and art|"artistic equal"]], and asked if the [[autistic]] [[Chris and English|genius]] has a similar knack to making inventions, for which Leonardo himself was famous. Being the egotistical and vain person he is, Chris could not allow even Leonardo da Vinci to excel him in any field. Chris was quick to assure Mr. da Vinci in his [[Mailbag]] reply that he is, indeed, an inventor as well, and proceeded to list three of the most outstanding of his inventions.

'''The Four Great Inventions of Christian Weston Chandler'''

'''I.''' The "One set of Inventions" including:
*[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]];
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]];
*City of [[CWCville]]. (Not really inventions so much as they are fictional concepts, and [[Chris and Copyright|incredibly derivative ones]], at that.) Of course, given [[Chris and reality|Chris's tenuous grasp on reality]], he may not realize this.

'''II.''' A "heavy-duty case", "built from [[Lego]]s and held together with tape", whose main purpose is "to hold [his] 20+ [[Card games#Pokémon TCG|Pok'emon]] [sic] Trading Card Game Decks with an area designed for damage counters, die and such". This is something that may have been a significant accomplishment for say, a 9-year-old, but when a 28-year-old man lists something he built with Lego as an "invention," it can only evoke facepalming. Moreover, Chris did not invent Legos; he merely put them together.

'''III.''' The [[Dating education|Dating Education Class]], which is purely theoretical, and therefore hasn't even been invented yet.

'''IV.''' The [[iDea Book Case]], whose main purpose is to store Chris's iOS products.

==The Shrines of Fail==
* [[The Wall of Originals]] - A monument to the wastes of time known as Chris's original ''Pokémon'' cards.
* [[Megan Shrine]] - Chris's display of his disturbing obsession with the one [[Megan|girl]] he thought he truly had a chance at, but [[She Came for CWC|never will]].

==The Holy Fails==
{{protip|Procure one of these and drop info about them, and you will be a god amongst men.}}
While not traditional relics in such that Chris has emotional value, per say, these are Chris-related relics that are of immense value to trolls but, like the fabled Holy Grail, seem impossible to obtain.

* [[Autism papers|Autism Papers]] - Presumably papers detailing Chris's exact psychological diagnosis. While a psychiatric survey from [[2004]] has been procured, the original papers documenting Chris's diagnosis are currently locked away in a filing cabinet in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] room.
* '''Transcripts and Report Cards''' - Chris's transcripts and report cards, to verify whether if he was indeed on [[honor roll]] and to what degree his claims about his high school grades are true.
* '''Recording of Chris's screaming''' - Chris claims that during his time in [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] several members of the school's faculty restrained him to the ground and recorded his screaming.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref> If this recording indeed exists<ref>See the article [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] for reasons to doubt Chris's several accounts of the Greene County incident.</ref> than it is very likely to have been destroyed by now.
* '''The court records from Bob and Barb's lawsuit against the Greene County Public Schools'''
* '''Chris and Barb's mugshots from July 2005 and October 2011'''
* '''Chris's KCWC recording for [[Cole]]'s birthday in July [[2000]]'''
* '''The original cut of Chris's [[Pixelated PS3]] video.'''
* '''The [[Crumple-Lope]]''' - an envelope residing in the Scrapbook of Fail that stored torn-up remnants of Chris's most-regretted drawings. Even after the 14 Branchland Court fire it still happens to be intact.

== References ==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]