CWCki - User contributions [en]

How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls

2010-06-07T02:05:07Z

PrincessofEels: /* Sauces */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|Cover page of the original assignment. Note the English class.]]
{{Illustrations}}

{{quote|Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story..|''How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls'', Tablet 1, Fragment 1; author unknown, but typically attributed to "High Shaman Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded"}}

'''"How the Pokémon came into Our PokéBalls"''' is a short story by [[Christian]] done in his ''senior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].'' In it, he attempts to establish some form of creation-myth for the Pokémon universe. Coincidentally, there is an [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sinnoh_myths official one] now.

How it got a good grade is a mystery lost to time.

==Introduction==
[[Image:How_the_pokemon_came_into_our_pokeballs.png|thumb|Something like this...]]
How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poke Balls.
10/30/[[1999|99]]
(Intro.)

For my English class in late September of this year, I had to write my own
myth. So, I figured "Why not make a myth about how Pokémon came
to be."

My English teacher thought that it was a great story. So did my [[Barbara|mom]] and [[lies|a
few other people]]. Since it was so [[fail|good]], I thought I'd feature it on this
website. Click Here to read my story. Enjoy. :)

==Page 1==
9/22/99
Page 1.
[[Image:Mewchew.jpg|thumb|right|Mewchu, the creator-god of the Pokémon, according to Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded.]] Some people say that the Pokemon came from the sky in a giant
rock known as the Moon Stone. Others say that they originated from the
depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story.

A long, long time ago in the heavens above, there were such
powerful gods as Zeus, Maheo,<ref>[http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/native_american-mythology.php?deity=MAHEO Maheo is a Native American creation deity]</ref> and [[GodJesus|many more]]. But, it all started with
a rookie god, known as...Mewchu<ref>Spoilers for Sonichu #12: Sonichu and a Mew fuse to create the god Mewchu who travels back in time to create the Pokémon.</ref> He had thepower to help provide for the
animals, plants, minerals, and to keep track of the seven natural powers of
the universe: Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Fighting, Psychic, and the
power of the Colorless Star.

Mewchu made sure that the animals and plants were fed from [[McDonald's|natures
good foods]]. He made sure that nature's minerals, such as rocks, dirt from
the ground, and the mucky messes were used for their purpose.

One day, Mewchu said to himself, "[[Monthly Tugboat|There must be a way to allow the
animals, small and big, to do these tough chores, so that I may be able to
be a little clean.]]" Then, he thought, "Why not give some of the natural
powers to a new type of creature." So, he went down to earth with the
power to absorb the natural powers of earth, and share it. So, he
stood... in the middle of the Pacific, surrounded by islands of seven
and water.
[[Image:Mewchu.png|thumb|right|True and Original Creator of all Pokemon, DO NOT STEAL!.]]

He decided to start with making a powerful animal to assist him
in his great task. Then, he found a weird creature on an island. It was
mostly white, blue eyes, short arms, big feet, and a long tail with a pink
tip. Mewchu has never seen such an animal, so he absorbed the power of
Psychic from the stars, gave the creature a gentle rub on its back, and
picked it up. And Mewchu said to the creature, "You, rare creature, have
received the supernatural power of the Psychics from the stars above us.
But you would need a name for you will be my assistant to make a new type
of elemental creatures. I shall call you...Mew." And the Mew jumped for
joy, then set him down with some wise words. "Mew," Mewchu said, "I want
you to pick some animals that are here now, and share with them the Psychic
power. For I would not be able to, because I may only share each elemental
power only one time for one creature or more. I trust that you can share
this power, while I handle the other six elemental powers." Then he set the
Mew down, on its island and it went on its way.

==Page 2==
9/22/99
Page 2.

Mewchu decided to start with the power of grass, so he rubbed the
grass of another island's ground, and he waved his hand over the trees.
A triceratops began to lose its horns, and it turned into a creature
called [[Wikipedia:Bulbasaur|Bulbasaur]]. A caterpillar lost its fuzz; it grew a little bigger; it
turned green, and it got the name of [[Wikipedia:Caterpie|Caterpie]]. Another caterpillar's fur
only shortened; it grew a small horn; it grew a little, like the Caterpie
did; it turned orange, and it became a [[Wikipedia:Weedle|Weedle]]. A rattlesnake turned
purple, and grew a single yellow stripe; it became an [[Wikipedia:Ekans|Ekans]]. A rat grew
small horns, turned blue, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♀|Nidoran (female)]]. And, another rat
grew bigger horns, turned pink, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♂|Nidoran (male)]]. A bat's legs
turned to two tails as thin as a blade of grass, its ears grew bigger, and
it became a [[Wikipedia:Zubat|Zubat]]. A tiny bush sprouted out of the ground, grew eyes,
and became an [[Wikipedia:Oddish|Oddish]]. A fuzzy bush grew two teeth like a vampire; it
became a [[Wikipedia:Venonat|Venonat]]. A bell-shaped palm shrunk; it became a [[Wikipedia:Bellsprout|Bellsprout]].
A mud puddle grew into a [[Wikipedia:Grimer|Grimer]]. Six eggs bounced and said, "[[Wikipedia:Exeggcute|Exeggcute]]."
A puff of smoke became solid, and mentioned, "[[Wikipedia:Koffing|Koffing]]." A bunch of vines
gathered around another Oddish, it was [[Wikipedia:Tangela|Tangela]]. A dragonfly grew, and said,
"[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]." The rocks got a body of armor, and said, "[[Wikipedia:Pinser|Pinser]]."

Then Mewchu dipped his hand into the firey volcano of another
island, pulled it out, and waved his hand over the volcano. Many animals
were below. A baby tyrannosaurus got fire on its tail, and yelled,
"[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charrrrmander]]!" A fox's tail split into six. Maybe, it's now a [[Wikipedia:Vulpix|Vulpix]].
A dog turned orange, and growled, "[[Wikipedia:Growlithe|Growwwllithe]]!" A [[Wikipedia:Ponyta|pony]] got burned, and
neighed. A chunk of ash was revived and turned into a [[Wikipedia:Magmar|Magmar]]. And, a big
bird flew out the volcano, it was a [[Wikipedia:Moltres|Moltres]].

Mewchu then dipped his hand in the ocean's waters, and gave another
wave over another island with a big lake in the middle. A baby turtle and
a squirrel on an island joined together to make a [[Wikipedia:Squirtle|Squirtle]]. A fat duck
turned yellow with a headache; it became a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]]. A tadpole got bigger
with a swirl on its belly, a [[Wikipedia:Poliwag|Poliwag]] came to be. A jellyfish's arms shrunk
into two. It was then a [[Wikipedia:Tentacool|Tentacool]]. A [[Wikipedia:Slowpoke|Slowpoke]] was formed when a baby
hippopotamus grew a tail. A seal turned white, and grew a horn on its
head; it was [[Wikipedia:Seel|Seel]]. A shell opened up, and stuck out a tongue, hello
[[Wikipedia:Shellder|Shellder]]. A [[Wikipedia:Krabby|Krabby]] came when a crab got crowned. A seahorse started to
spit oil, a fish grew a horn on its head, and starfish grew a jewel.
Here were a [[Wikipedia:Horsea|Horsea]], a [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], and a [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]. A crown from a treasure grew
onto a hard-shell fish; here was a [[Wikipedia:Magikarp|Magikarp]]. A rare lochness monster grew
a spiked shell on its back; it became a [[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]]. A fossil was revived; it
was an Omanyte. Out of an arctic ice berg, an Articuno broke out.

==Page 3==
9/22/99
Page 3.

Meanwhile, Mew shared its Psychic power with a Psyduck, and a
Slowpoke. When Mew shared it with a rat, it fell asleep, and grew into
an Abra. When Mew came across the body of a dead lizard, it summoned its
spirit, and shared some "Gastly" secrets with it. Later, Mew met an
anteater; Mew put it to sleep, and the anteater became a Drowzee. Mew found
two monkeys, with an evolution. One turned into a Mr. Mime, and the other
became a Jynx. Later in the night, Mew gave birth, and the baby Mew looked
different. The new Mew gave its mother a psychic attack, and thrown it up
a tree. Suddenly, the new Mew grew to the size that
of a man with many years, It was a Mewtwo.

Meanwhile, Mewchu found a barren island with sand and rocks. He
punched it, and out of the ground came the fighting and ground type
creatures: Sandshrew, Diglett, Mankey, Machop, Geodude, Onix, Cubone,
Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, Rhyhorn, and a Kabuto.

Then Mewchu summoned a thunderstorm, and lightning struck another
island. The lightning hit a little mouse, and the mouse grew into a
Pikachu. Metallic minerals rose out of the ground of a small area of the
island, and it formed to make a Magnemite. A coconut was struck with a
piece of the metallic material carrying some of the electric power; the
coconut turned metallic; it became a Voltorb. A wild cat was struck, and
it became an Electabuzz. And out of the thunderous clouds came a Zapdos.

And finally, Mewchu planted a transparent star in the middle of the
other island. And from the star came the Colorless creatures: Pidgey,
Rattata, Spearow, Clefairy, Jigglypuff, Meowth, Farfetch'd, Doduo,
Lickitung, Chansey, Tauros, Eevee, Porygon, and Dratini.

Before Mewchu bid farewell, he waved his hand over all seven
islands, and most of the creatures evolved into more powerful creatures.
And, then He shouted out, "May these creatures be helpful to the earth,
and may they use their abilities wisely." Then, he said with a tear of
joy, "Farewell,... Pokemon." And Mewchu flew back into the heavens.

The End.

==Analysis==

At first you'd be tempted to say that it's just Chris attempting to combine Genesis with Pokémon; but in actuality it has more in common with the myths of polytheistic cultures.

An obvious similarity is that there are many gods, and Mewchu is just a "rookie god." Mewchu, charged with the nourishment of the plants and animals, is essentially a harvest/fertility deity, in the vein of the Greek goddess Demeter<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demeter</ref> His motivation for creating the Pokemon, so he'd have less work to do, is freakishly similar to the motivation behind the creation of man in the Enuma Elish. <ref>[http://www.sacred-texts.com/ane/enuma.htm Text of the Enuma Elish. Warning: tl;dr unless you like mythology a lot]</ref> Basically, Mewchu wanted to have shorter work days so he could get home in time for the game. It's a little mindboggling that Chris may or may not have been referencing something rather erudite like that; let's be honest, he wasn't... but still... ''huh''.

Additional similarities to polytheistic creation myths include the god altering an already-existing world to better suit its needs, as opposed to the ''logos''<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logos#Use_in_Christianity http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logos#Use_in_Christianity]</ref> of Genesis.

From a Pokémon point of view, the story still makes no sense. Regardless of the official Pokémon creation myths that were revealed in 2006 with the release of [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Generation_IV the fourth generation] of games, certain Pokémon already had their origins outlined even in the first set of games. Porygon and Mewtwo, for instance, are specifically stated to be artificially created. It can be assumed that Voltorb would have developed after the invention of the PokéBall. He also gets many of the Pokémon's real life interpretations wrong. An example being Pinsir, which he refers to as anthropomorphic "rocks that got a body of armor" when it is actually an anthropomorphic [[Wikipedia:Stag beetle|stag beetle]].

Another interesting point is that, although Chris seems to avert the "show, don't tell" rule by making stories composed almost exclusively of exposition, that method is actually a good fit here; most myths are told in such an expository style. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

In the end, he still just ripped off Pokémon for a school assignment, but this wasn't the [[Sonichu|only time]] ... and far from the last.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Poetry]]

Some Favored Comedians

2010-05-21T04:41:28Z

PrincessofEels:

{{recent}}
[[Image:Chris gay trucker.jpg|thumb|right|Larry the Trucker Man]]
'''Some Favored Comedians''' (officially "'''Some Favored Comedians.MOV'''") is a 20 [[May 2010]] video where [[Chris]] bores his [[fanbase]] by discussing various comedians and Seth McFarlane. He reiterates his [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|dislike for the change in voice actors on The Cleveland Show]], does several terrible impersonations, and describes a scenario where Jerry Seinfeld meets him and does a stand up act about how [[Chris and ego|awesome]] it is to meet a [[Chris|retarded manchild]]. During this, Chris dubs himself a young, [[Reality|teenage boy]], even though he is approaching early thirties. Chris seems to go out of his way to mention how much he doesn't [[racism|hate]] [[Chris and religion|Jews]] but gives no justification for his [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recent actions]]. Chris mentions that Larry the Cable Guy should be called Larry the Trucker Man and then switches, in an ADD kind of way, to Peter Cullen's voice acting [[Optimus Prime]].

Despite Chris being a critical and avid fan of The Cleveland Show, he consistently refers to [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] as "Regina", quite possibly an artifact of his [[Autism]] for which he blames almost all of his shortcomings, or confusion with [[Wikipedia:Regina King|Regina King]], who voices characters on ''The Boondocks''. He also repeatedly mispronounces Mila Kunis's name. Considering that she's the voice of his favorite Family Guy gal-pal, well, that comes as no surprise.
{{-}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Some Favored Comedians
| video = {{#ev:youtube|URLwUjuNJYM}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[05142010]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcript==
Ah, [[Captain's Log]], May 22nd- [''flashes his school ring''] May 20th, 2010. I just uh, started up this video [''takes his glasses off''] to uh, give y'all a little update about myself [''puts glasses back on, coughs'']. You know, I'm doing well, so's my [[Barb|mom]], and for your information my [[Bob|father]] is alive and well so, that rumour is false. My father is alive and well.

Anyway uh, anyway with that I wanna talk about some of my favourite uh, comedy people. But uh, I'd like to start off with uh, prefacing with uh, prefrencing an old- a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|past video of mine]], of which I have uh made the complaint about uh... [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Regina Gomez]] who plays [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] on [[The Cleveland Show]]. I mean yeah that was definitely like a trade down in comparison. [''Chris turns to his TV''] Let's go to a clip of Nia Long.

[''Clip of The Cleveland Show plays - probably from [[Wikipedia:Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]]'']

And then uh now, check out uh, Ragina Gomez in comparison.

[''Plays another clip from The Cleveland Show - probably from [[Wikipedia:Once Upon a Tyne in New York|Once Upon a Tyne in New York]]'']

You see a difference? Big difference. Regina is a whiny voiced little brat, whereas uh Nia... [''turns to TV''] was a lot better. And uh, [''turns to camera''] an another reference, that was like uh, when they changed the voice- they changed the voice actress for [''turns to TV''] [[Family_Guy#Chris_and_Meg|Megan Griffin]]. I mean, yeah here's the first voice. This is an improvement by the way.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah see well, this was a better change in comparison. You know, change it from... I forget her name... to [[Wikipedia:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]]. Whoops, I don't need that selected(?) [''mutters something'']. Here's Mila.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah big difference. Big difference between the uh, voice actresses you know. When they sw- they, did it from [[Wikipedia:Lacey Chabert|whoever she was]] to Mila Kunis, that was an improvement because, you know, maturing- the voice deepens naturally. Whereas The Cleveland Show switching from Ni- switching from Nia Long to Regina Gomez. That's a trade ''down'' [''gestures and points down'']. I mean I- I gotta tell you my opinion [''removes glasses'']. It must have been like uh, Seth McFarlane and uh, Mike Henry musta had uh, too many drinks or somethin' to decide to uh, switch from Nia to Regina. Or a- or I don't know whether it's um, it was their decision or what Nia had in her head when sh- uh, when she left the show for that point.

And I leave you all with that. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about famous comedy people. Uh, y'all know I like uh, I like from plastma classtics(?), [[Wikipedia:Lucille Ball|Lucille Ball]] [''High-pitched voice impression''] ''Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run down, and listless? Do you [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|poop out]] at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin''. And uh, [[Homo|I also like]] [[Wikipedia:Red Skelton|Red Skelton]]. [''Dopey voice impression''][''unintelligible'']. [''chuckles a bit''] Very funny people. I also liked uh, [[Homo|I also liked]] [[Wikipedia:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]], [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] and, [[Wikipedia:Bob Newhart|Bob Newhart]], there's another good one. I like those types of people, but from today's- from this generation, [[Homo|I like]] [[Wikipedia:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]. He's a funny man. Yeah. [''Laughs''] I was just remember the uh, part where- the one where he ''Tim don't put your hand in the light socket *pfft*''. But seriously though, he does very good, he's a funny man.

[[Homo|I also like]] [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]. He- he's very funny. I watched his show every- I watch his show every day on TBS... And, you know, too bad- too bad it ended. He coulda done more shows but whatever. That was his call there. He decided that after nine seasons. [[Homo|I like Jerry Seinfeld]], he's a funny man. You know I would- you know I would definitely like to see this, you know, even as [[Chris and reality|a video response from Jerry Himself]], his view on autis- on autistic people. Especially the high functioning autistics like myself, you know.

[''Stares into space, makes a creepy smile'']

And also, think about this, I probably sound like Jerry Sein- I probably sound like Jerry Seinfeld, you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.

[''Pantomimes holding a mic, attempts to impersonate Jerry Seinfeld'']

Ah yeah, so I just recently been [[Pedofork|introduced to this uh, autistic, uh, boy]]- this autistic teenage boy here. And uh, and we sai- you know, I was introduced, so he opened up to me right away. And then I- and then- later, like I- later at this picnic, this community picnic, he uh, I see him- I see him over there and he wants to find- he wants to [[Fuck quest|meet himself a lady]], so he's hanging out over there. And I don't see him talking to the ladies, he just uh, he's just uh, smiling and being silent. I mean, he ain't gonna go anywhere unless he talks to- unless he talks to the but then again that's part of the autism right there. He just tends to blank out when he's not introduced to people. Because he's scared of the unknown. That's very common among the autistic people. And I'll tell you something else. Today's society where everybody is glued to their computers and internet and all that, they're definitely closing themselves off from society. It's like they're becoming autistics themselves. I mean, if they're definitely not glued in front of their computer they're definitely about as blank as that au- that little teenage boy was.

[''Pantomimes releasing mic, stares into space for a few moments.'']

Eh, yeah, but anyway I would definitely like to hear Jerry Seinfeld's uh, opinions and views, or a comedy sketch about autistic people. 'Cuz I want to ask him about that. Oh yeah, also you know, another Jewish dude I like- that he strikes me as funny, [[Wikipedia:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]], you know, from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'', also doing the guy from ''’Til Death''. He actually also starred in an episode of ''Seinfeld'' I read, where he steals Jerry's car. Still that does- that seems kind of dumb, you know. I even read that he tried- he tried out for Kramer, I mean, I mean he definitely would not have been- I do not know if he would be a better Kramer, I mean [''Voice changes''] "What are you looking at crazy?" I dunno. Ha, I mean,
[''Waves arms around''] "Who-whoop-whoop PIA! Yeah. Hi Jer!" [''chuckles''] Yeah I think uh, Brad Garrison is a little bit more subtle, but [[Homo|I like him too]]. You know. And I have nothing against [[Jews|Jewish people]], I mean there's people too, and I got nothing against Jewish community. I mean they have their views and we have our views, Let's leave it at that. I mean they're all- they're all- they're people we're people, [''face contorts with racism''] no problem.

[[File:LarrySad.jpg|thumb|Larry the Cable Guy's likely reaction.]]
I know I sent [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|crossed signals]] about that at past points. Oh, hey, you know [[Homo|another dude I like?]] [''puts on a baseball cap''] Larry the Cable Guy. ''Git-R-Done!'' [''chuckles''] Funny dude, you know. He definitely could been- he definitely had the trucker look going for him if he uh, wasn't being the cable guy. Yeah I mean, I would definitely think that would have uh, the way he was dressed they would him "Larry the Trucker Man!" Trucker Man. [''chuckles''] Yeaah, pretty funny. [''takes off cap''] Oh and also you know, speaking of impressions uhh, here's [[Wikipedia:Peter Cullen|Peter Cullen]] [''Quotes some Optimus Prime lines from Transformers'']. That's spot on, dead on Peter Cullen right there. And I'm glad that, you know, aside from the generation one series, they let him do t- he volunte- he volunteered to do the voice of Optimus in the new movies, as well as in the video games. I mean all th- of all the generations between the Optimus Primes and the Optimus Primals, [''points at camera''] Peter Cullen ''is'' Optimus Prime. Of all time.

Anyway, that's uhh, just uh some of my opinions about some current and past comedians and uh, Seth! Mike! Bring back Nia Long! [''Puts glasses back on''] Anyway, I'll leave y'all with uh, that and those impressions. Until then- until another time when I have another thought or, whatever - have a good day. [''makes the peace sign''] Peace.
{{-}}

==References==
<references />

{{-}}
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[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2010-05-20]]
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