CWCki - User contributions [en]

Jackie E-mails 14

2011-02-22T19:12:44Z

Quizlibet:

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 9-16 [[September 2010]].

Chris talks about how he's been getting drunk, hitting on other women. Seriously. And, par for course with his [[noviophobia]], he hates what he hates because he gets jealous about what other people earned through effort: earning and effort not being in his capacity. Chris has drawn shitty porn; Jackie apparently being peed on by 4 guys (Chris has breasts, a niggo appears to be punching Jackie in the cunt), Chris's self-serving fantasy, with pickles either already having left, off panel, or badly hidden, and Niggo Cherokee Circle Jerk. Chris re-gifted a LBP present, which was first for Julie, then for Kacey, now Jackie. Jackie begins Chris on his path of ever-more blatant racism, shitty cosplay, and youtube videos, calls him a cripple.

{{EmailReply|September 9, 2010 - 6:08pm

I REALLY want to be with you, Jackie. So MUCH, that I would dedicated 3/4 of my next [[tugboat]] to you if I can't get the new $130 before then. And I REALLY would come all the way to [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin]] to meet/visit you Myself.

So far I was able to only get $19 from pawning off my Game Boy Color and 6 [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Game Boy Original/Color Games and selling my Game Boy Pocket for 5 to a new computer geek acquaintance of mine. The pawn shop would not accept my Saturn or Game Gear, because they were "Too Old." But after seeing a huge banner in front of a [[Wikipedia:7-Eleven|7-11]] of a PC Pro Computer store behind the 7-11, I went in and made a new acquaintance with a fellow Game Freak dude; he's going to help me by finding some people to buy the Genesis/32X/Sega CD, Saturn and Game Gear from me for my asking prices through his connections. He has his own page on [[Facebook|FaceBook]]. This is good, because at this point, the [[Troll]]s won't know about this and pester me like they would have done. This information is Confidential.

About the [[XBox]] thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, [[XBox is OK.MOV|I withdraw my past angst against the console]]. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.

I am LESS addicted to my PS3, I assure you. And I will prove it by spending a lot less to none more on the Network in the future and now. And Spending more on You And Me in our Relationship. And you have to give me credit for unloading the Older Consoles and their games I've been hoarding for years for cash, including the current transactions I'm looking for with the remaining 3 Older Consoles.

And you are right on me having no right to complain of other video game addicts, but I said those things to prove a point that people like them (including myself), AND the Trolls can better themselves by socializing Off of the internet and going out more often. I have been going out more on the daily basis, at least during the afternoon hours on average leaving between 2 and 4 PM and an average of over 3 Hours per day. If I knew where to go, I would definitely go out at night and have more fun, but aside from the new [[Wal-Mart]] to walk for a while, I do not have knowledge of such locations or how to act within their likely dim-lit areas. And, yeah, I do not really expect people to "drop what they're doing and converse with me" when I am unable to do it as easily as they are able to, but it is nice to be acknowledged and NOT to feel Invisible In Public. Seriously, even when I'm [[The GAMe PLACe|Shouting]] (while Drunk or near sober), NOBODY gives me attention; [[Attraction sign|I am ignored]]. And when I try to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|start something with a pleasant greeting]], I am STILL IGNORED. And I am RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE; AREN'T I HANDSOME ENOUGH TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION, LADIES? W.T.F. DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET EVEN A "HELLO" FROM ANYBODY THESE DAYS?!!!"

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

It makes me feel like a social outcast, and I do not want to be a social outcast.

Anyway, I am sorry for stopping communications with you for a short while; I needed some time for myself to collect my thoughts and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreement. I felt like [[Kick the Autistic|kicking myself]] over and over for saying the breaking up things I said in error. I did not mean it. And I am happy to still be talking to you, and I REALLY want to be with you. I am re-raising the money as quickly as possible. And if I can't come up with it by the end of the month, I will dedicate 3/4 of my remaining money from next month to US. :)

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe, Sweet and [[A Week With Christian Chandler|don't work yourself too hard in classes]] and journalism. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|1=September 9, 2010 - 7:46pm

Hey Chris.

Actually, since you brought up the prices of consoles, the original Xbox was $299 at launch, the same as the Playstation 2 at its launch. Didn't you have a PS2 anyway, though? More recently, the PS3 cost $499 for the 20gb model and $599 for the 60gb model at its launch - significantly more than the Xbox 360, which cost $299 for the basic model and $399 for the premium model when they were launched. You can read about it here: http://vgsales.wikia.com/wiki/Launch_price
Plus, Microsoft has LONG since fixed the red ring of death problem, and at the time that the 360 and the PS3 debuted, no one knew that blu rays would win the format war over hd-dvds. So it wasn't really fair to claim they "picked the lost format". I'm glad that you are beyond it though.

As for attracting attention, have you looked at the troll forum lately? I found this article here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
It doesn't say anything that you weren't aware of before, but it brings up a good point yet again: You have a terrible reputation because of your [[internet]] opposition. You know why people don't come up to you? Because most people who see you believe terrible things about you.

Anyway, here's what I want you to do to prove yourself to me: I want you to make a video. I want you to make a video [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|professing your love to me.]] Give me the works, Chris. Proclaim your true feelings for me. Tell me exactly why you want me and want to be with me. I want you to sweep me off my feet with some romantic [[music]] in the background - play my favorite band for me. You know which one. ;) I know you know what I'm talking about. And make a few new drawings of us together and show them in the video. The theme of the video? Our first date. Tell me where we will go, what we will do. Only one catch - There's no limit on money. It's our fantasy date where we can spend as much as we want, how we want. Do it as you think it will look. Make it really special.

And I don't want this to be a private video, either. I want you to put this on your youtube so everyone can see. I don't care if trolls know my name or try to look me up now, so don't worry about that. You've been very good about keeping me hidden from them, but I don't care about that anymore. Let the trolls try to bug me. I want you to make this video public because it's time for you to proclaim your love for me to all. Everyone should know who the one woman in your life is. I want this video by 8:00pm on Monday, September 13th. I'm looking forward to seeing it, sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 1:08pm

Yes, Sweetheart, I will draw some more of you and me together, and I will put together a video proclaiming my love for you and even a fantasy date. :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Heartthrobbings*

As for the other topics of your last e-mail, I was already aware of my online reputation haunting me in real life with the Rumors spread by the Trolls, so yeah. And I did not have my PS2 from Launch either; I did not even have a PSOne long until I found one at an older SPCA Rummage Sale for about 10 or 20, and it was at a time GameStop was still taking them in for Trade-Ins. I was going to trade it in for profit, but I decided to hold onto it and play it, and my earlier feelings towards [[Sony]] did a major 180 (YES, I was [[Nintendo]]/[[SEGA]] Exclusive and had hate for SONY equal to Microsoft on the Consoles). And later on, I got my PS2 for $20 from a Yard Sale; THEN I traded in my PSOne, and shortly after getting the PS2, I got [[Guitar Hero]] and started Rocking. And I did not get my PS3 at Launch; I got it MONTHS later on March 17, 2007, and I got the 60GB version for less than 599 at Wal-Mart (I think I got for 399; I'll have to look up the receipt).

But now, I have no anger against XBox, and the gay dudes. Samantha was very realistic in that discussion. She pointed out my [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|quoting the Bible as an excuse]] was wrong, and between the hatings I've had, the quotes, and other details that escape at the moment, I realized I've been further shooting myself in the foot without knowing it. It made me feel really sad and I cried some. But I am changing that; I'm going to Stop hating and start being more brimming with a more positive energy. After all, the Bible is essentially a Guideline to life, and [[God]] wants all of us to live in peace and good nature, regardless of whatever we may do, and what we're all doing that is considered against the Bible anyway.

Anyway, I will do the drawings of us together, play the [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]] in the background, and make a video professing my love to you and letting it go public. I'm also planning on making [[XBox is OK.MOV|a separate video]] for apologizing for my past hatred on the XBox, and apologizing to the gays as well. I will also remove ALL of the curses I had placed on people, including the Trolls.

We're moving forward together, Jacklyn. I Love You, Sweetheart.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 3:56pm

Yay!! I can't wait to see [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]]! Oh, I have a few more things about what I want to see, so take some notes:

-I really want you to enjoy the Crash Test Dummies as much as I do. Revel in them like I do. You know what would be great? If you sang along to the song (My favorite song is "[[Wikipedia:Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm]]"), but feel free to take artistic liberties with the lyrics and make up your own to fit us better. I know your vast imagination can really make the song come to life. 
-I want you to include the pictures of us together, new drawn pictures, on the date. Here's an idea for a plot: We start at starbucks, then go to see [[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|''Toy Story 3'']] at the movie theater, maybe get a little frisky in the back row ;) Then, I want you to rescue me from something. Like, something bad happens, like a villain rips through the movie screen and attacks, and you save me from him. 
-I want to see you dance in the video. The real you. Proclaim your love for me, enthusiastically. Get up and grove, jump, do a cartwheel. Do I make you jump? Do I make you twirl? Does my love make you scream? Yours does to me :) So return the favor. Let us be one. 
-Take us to the edge and back. Show me the future, the distance. I want us to face the end of the world and still hold onto one another. Let's face it all together, the trolls, the world, the future, God.

I can't wait to see the video Chris!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 6:34pm

I like your plot idea. Although, if I may offer my input, I offered to take you to see "[[Wikipedia:Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World]]", considering that movie is more romantic in its own way, may I portray us watching that instead of Toy Story?}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 7:03pm

I'm glad you like my plot! Although I don't really care for that Scott Pilgrim movie, it's one of those movies where even though I haven't seen it, I know exactly what the plot is because I've heard WAY too much about it from every person I pass by, because they can't stop talking about the damn thing and I'm tired of it before I even look at it. It looks like token hipster bullshit to me.

Besides, I don't want to see someone else's romance story. I want to see YOUR love story. ;)

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 12, 2010 - 11:13am

Hey Chris, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a little while. You must be working hard on that video. Well, I just wanted to check in.

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 12, 2010 - 2:43pm

I am working hard on the drawings and display photos for the video to present while Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm is playing. Plus, do not guess, but I will have a pleasant surprise for you later tonight in another e-mail.

Also, it is cool; I'll just draw [[Wikipedia:Sheriff Woody|Woody]] and [[Wikipedia:Jessie (Toy Story)|Jessie]] making out or something for the movie screen. Perhaps after some time has passed, you and I can check out Scott Pilgrim at home together, and the current feelings will pass. I still have not seen it myself yet, but it is one I would at least rent the video for after it comes out. Speaking of movies, have you seen "[[Wikipedia:Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief|Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief]]?" It is a Great movie; I watched it with [[The Wallflower|<CENSORED>]] in the theater before we [[Wallflower E-mails 3|broke up]]. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying or renting.

Stay Safe and Sweet. I'll TTYL, 
Christian. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<
3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 6:04pm

You and I have just reached the climax in our own intercourse, while these three dudes were [[Masturbating and squirtin'|jerkin' and watchin']]. And at climax, they came in to cum onto your breasts, and you wanted Me all over your face and in your mouth. Messy, little woman. ;)

I get off watching you enjoy yourself with my help, Jacklyn. I Love You.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 13, 2010 - 4:17pm

I'm uploading [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]] of my devotion for you right now. I feel I could have done better, but I was excited and elated for doing this for you. I've attached the 3 drawings I drew for you and the video for you.

I LOVE YOU, JACKLYN!!!!!!! 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

:)

Anyway, the video will be on my YT channel,
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler?feature=mhum, shortly.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Lover. :-* 
Christian.}}

{{collapsible
|The three drawings, NSFW
|<center>
<gallery>
File:UngaWungaTime.jpg
File:WetFunCircleTime.jpg
File:CirclingOnJackie.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 4:32pm

Let me give you the other photos featured in the video as well.}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 5:51pm

In the set of photos I sent you, I left in absent-mindedly the left-out Photo of how I would feel if you left me, which was set at the End of the slideshow. Please disregard that one photo.}}

{{Email|September 13, 2010 - 6:53pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you so much for making that video for me!! It was so sweet, I saw the bouncy energy you put into it. The way you just shouted at the top of your lungs your feelings for me, I can tell you weren't holding back. I look forward to actually getting to experience all these things for real on our first date.

But it wasn't all perfect. I'm kind of sad, Chris, because you missed some key parts here. I specifically asked you before not to use video games when trying to show your affections for me. Remember? I mean, I don't get why you couldn't show the whole date with drawings. That's why I gave you like four days to do it. And you didn't even take the time to make a new little big planet level just for me either, you just recycled one you already used for that other girl [[Kacey]]. Which even then you had taken from ANOTHER girl, [[Julie]]. I found it here: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|<nowiki>http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Rescuing_Kacey_From_Christian_W_Chandler</nowiki>]]

So, some good, some bad, but all in all I think I'd like you to redo the video for me. Actually, scratch that, you shouldn't redo this one. I think I have a better idea for something new I'd like to see. You know how Halloween is coming up? Well, it's still a few weeks away, but it's my absolute FAVORITE holiday of the year. So you know what I'd love to see? I want you to dress up as a character for me on camera, and then write some of your own lyrics to "Mmm mmm mmm mmm" and sing it for me. Do you know the anime [[Dragonball Z]]? I used to love that show when I was a little kid. I mean, I know it's like a boy's show, but whatever, I thought it was really cool. So you know what I would absolutely LOVE to see? I want to see [[Song for Jackie.MOV|you dressed as my favorite character, Mr. Popo]]!! He was always so cute and cuddly, you remind me so much of him! :) Do you know how to do facepainting? I found a tutorial website that can show you here: http://www.diylife.com/2008/04/02/how-to-face-paint/
Although it's not hard, you'd just be painting your face a single color, no weird designs or anything. Do you have facepainting supplies? I think they sell them at any art store.

So basically, the costume would be a black face with red lips, and a sleeveless vest, and a turban on your head (you could wrap a towel around your head for that). I attached a picture of him, his look is pretty simple. And then you could sing me your song. Ooh, ooh, and then after that, there's one more little song I'd love for you to sing for me, too, it's from my favorite Dragonball movie where Mr. Popo says it. It goes like this:

You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle, 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this. 
You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this.

It's short, just sing that to a happy tune. Ooh, I'm so excited Chris!! If you're Mr. Popo, maybe I can go as Bulma when Halloween really comes. ;) ;) Anyway, I'd love to see this by Thursday at 9:00pm, okay?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 14, 2010 - 1:42pm

I am happy to hear that you get my feelings for you, and that you liked the video, all things considered. And I understand your concerns of the LBP Level recycle; it was and still is my idea of a fun date; I am open for ideas on a better fantasy date, and with those details, I would be most happy to put a new level of it together just for you, and draw more drawings to go with it. With the [[Things Chris has ripped off|limited ideas]] of mine for a fantasy date, I felt lack of drawing inspiration, because they were just too simple and trite to me. Plus I did get the inspiration to draw the best circle jerkin' drawing I was able to picture in my head for you. With that, I do apologize for the short number of drawings in the video.

As for Mr. Popo, consider that done. :D Speaking of face painting, while restoring the photos I had originally on my PS3 from my backup cards, I found the photo of myself with the face paint I did for [[JuggaloShoutOut|the Juggalo video]]; it is attached. I used paint from my collection of acrylic paints for the job. I'll wear a black t-shirt under my vest, and I do have a clean white towel here. I'll get the lyrics for Mmm X4 from a search, and perhaps I can put Popo's song within the lyric rewrite, right after the Mmms.

The Halloween together sounds great. :D Do you have information on a party event we would go to? You would be able to pull off Bulma great. I am going to do Popo for you now, but when Halloween comes, I would feel better dressing up as [[Wikipedia:Vegeta|Vegeta]] to better match your costume. After all, I have watched the series too, and Vegeta and [[Wikipedia:Bulma|Bulma]] were a couple, got married and gave birth to [[Wikipedia:Trunks (Dragon Ball)|Trunks]] (and a daughter as well, but her name escapes me at the moment).

On another note, the console selling is going slow at the moment; my new acquaintance is not getting replies to the post he put up from any interested people. He will call me when he does; he has my number. But I am going to go ahead and put my Sega consoles onto [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], complete with photographs. And if I don't sell them before [[October 2010|October]] comes around, I will still dedicate $150 of the [[tugboat]] for our dates, me coming to meet you, etc. I'll let you know the final details later, and you and I will put together a meet date.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Sweet and Safe, Sweetest Love. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 14, 2010 - 4:45pm

Hey Chris!

Don't have much time to talk now, but I just want to say I'm really excited to see the Mr. Popo video! Actually, I'd love to see the Mr. Popo lyrics separately from the CTD song, just because Mmm x4 has kind of a slower, somber tone and I don't know if the Mr. Popo song could really work into it; it needs a peppier, fast cheery tune.

And I saw your craigslist ads for your old consoles too, I hope those sell quickly. I'm sure there are collectors out there or something who will be interested. Well, anyway, can't wait to see the video. I'll write more later!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 2:53pm

I was successful in rewriting the song to match our relationship well. No rhymes; it's freeverse. I typed in the lyrics at the bottom of this e-mail. I attached the photo of my face looking like Mr. Popo, and I will start upload of the video shortly after I finish this message.

I've put Popo's bit at the end during the "Ahhhhhs". I've also added another fun item I think you'll enjoy. Reference [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_X_episodes#Season_1:_2003-2004|Episode 8]] of "[[Sonic X]]", Original Japanese Dialogue, this purple, furry dude was entertaining [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cream the rabbit|Cream]] and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cheese the Chao|Cheese]] with a "Good Morning" song. Look up his song and dance on [[YouTube]].
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYskMdSiFn4&feature=related

Also, another topic of interest that has just come up among the fresh e-mail batch. Do you know a [[Wikipedia:Fight Club|Robert Paulson]] <billman198@googlemail.com>? He has surprised me with some trash talk of he being your boyfriend and some shit-talk aimed at me. And he attached a possibly photoshopped [[Nudes|photograph]] of you to the e-mail. I want you to know that I am only surprised, and I am not believing what he is saying. I only ask for your honest feedback to verify this individual. I'm keeping a cool head.

And, on the Good News, I may have a customer who will buy ALL of the Sega Consoles from me; he called me from his 434 Cell Phone (he lives in the 504 area code). Currently, he plans on stopping by my house to purchase tomorrow afternoon, but I will wait until I have the money in my hands before I start making mutual plans with you to meet you and all the good stuff. I cut him a deal for buying all of the stuff at once; $120. With the $14 I made the other day from my [[Nintendo|Game Boy Color]], I feel this will make things equal; making the equal amount of money as before. I may get another offer for the whole bunch, but if I do before this dude comes along, I'll insist on full price or higher offer, and I'll let the first dude know about that as well. He's getting the consoles for his children.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian

Song for you - "Heavenly Matched Love"

Once there was this boy who 
Was born with some [[autism]] and yet made [[gal-pals|a few friends]] 
But after his [[High School]] years 
He lost his friends and was [[troll]]-tortured 
By bullies who were jealous 
of his [[Money|material things]]

Mmms

Once there was [[Jackie|this girl]] who 
Continued to have friends long after her High School 
She could have had her pick of men 
Then she found the wayward, lost boy 
They matched up very well 
Heavenly Matched Love

Mmms

And both girl and boy were glad 
'Cause they both saw each others eyes

They both thought of each other 
They had enjoyed each others company sweetly 
Roller coaster ecstacy 
In [[CWCville|fantasy]] their dates were simple 
They look to be married and 
Have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|girl]]

Mmms

"Ain't no Saiyans on a fiddle, No Saiyans on a fiddle like this." X2 
"Asande hahe swa, wowo-haya-hoo!" X2}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 3:10

I've just took a look on the Troll Forum for a possible link to this Robert; their last post on there was made yesterday on one page. It seemed to be only talk of raping you, and one of getting [[Greene County]] to ban you from entering county lines (yeah right, like they are going to [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban someone]] they don't know without a good reason or evidence).
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=103

I just wanted to warn you, so you can be careful to try to avoid these people in real life. I have faith and trust in you being true to me and keeping our relationship strong. I will not stand down in our relationship either.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 4:38pm

Hey Chris!

So, I guess we have a few thing to talk about here.

First of all, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|that video]] wasn't good. In fact... It was AMAZING!!!!! I can't believe you made that so well!!! I was soo happy to see my favorite Mr. Popo, you brought me back to my childhood. Thank you so much sweetie!

Secondly, as far as the trolls go, I'm not terribly worried. I can take care of myself. I'll just keep an eye over my shoulder from now on. But really, I doubt they're going to do anything.

Thirdly, I don't know who that Robert Paulson is. He isn't my ex-boyfriend. I think you should ignore him and not listen to his bullshit. But that picture is me... well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it... but I did have an ex-boyfriend, [[Lars]], to whom I once sent some nude pictures of myself, that's where that picture this guy sent you came from. But even though we had a really bad breakup and this was years ago, he promised me he would delete all his pictures of me. But obviously he lied. There's no other way those pictures of me could have gotten onto the [[internet]]. That bastard... To be honest, this worries me a lot more than some trolls threatening to [[rape]] me. I feel so betrayed. We broke up because we weren't right for each other, but I had no idea he could sink this low. Now I have to worry about him. I don't know what I can do about Lars... He was my first love. I thought I would never love anyone again when I was with him, and after he broke my heart I thought I would never love anyone again. It took me a long time to build myself back up and become able to feel agian after that.

Lars you bastard, wherever you are, you won't get away with this... I don't know how, but I'll find a way to make him suffer for this...

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Well anyway, let me get to something more positive. Since school is ramping up and I won't have any time to come visit for a few weeks. But I've been having a lot of fun with seeing what you can do lately, and I have some good news: I managed to arrange an extended break from school starting on November 1st (the [[Wikipedia:Day of the Dead|Dia de los Muertos]]). Although I'd love to see you so badly right this minute, it's just not not doable right away. So until then, Christian, I present to you....

Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest! :D

Starting October 1st I want you to count down the days with me until we meet by posting a new video of you on youtube everyday. But, it doesn't have to be anything really big. Just a 30 second blurb is perfection as it gives me a chance to see you, fresh faced, every day! I want to be with you so badly Christian and this will be like practice for me. Seeing you, every day, doing fun things! 1 video a day, for a total of 31 days, the last video being on the 31st of October, Halloween. For each video I want you do something different. I want you dress up as a different cute character! Get it? Halloween every day!! Yay!!! Any character you want to be - one of your sonichu characters maybe, or an anime or movie character, and make the costume however you like - who you choose to be and what you do for it will teach me more about you and what you like.

And during each video I want you to share a different piece of information about you with me. But, I want this information to be secrets or details you've never shared with anyone else. It doesn't have to be anything that big or unique, it can just be something little about your life. I want us to have no secrets between us sweetest! And this will be us being open, honest and having fun!!! Don't hide anything Chris, you should be proud of who you are - be true and honest!! In return, when we meet on November 1st… I will give myself to you. I don't wait any more, Chris. I want to give my being AND my body all to you! My Dad will pay for my hotel so we can go there and get dirty between the sheets together! Can you imagine?? How cool is that!!

However, you must must must do a video a day. If you miss a day or skip, the contest ends and you loose :( And then we have to wait to have sexy time because I'll need to think harder about things… but I don't want to think! Thinking is hard! The only hard thing I want in my life is YOU my darling Cripple doo!

Soooo, ready to play??? I know I am! xoxo

Jackie

P.S. Hey, since the contest won't start for about two weeks, in the meantime, how are your other drawings going? Have you picked [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] back up, or are you working on any other comic ideas? Ooh, could you make a little video for me? Make a video of yourself giving a little tour of your bedroom? I know about what one side of your room looks like from your recent videos, but I'd love to see like a 360 tour of your [[room]], all the stuff in it, your closet, your wardrobe, and so forth. Show me the significant things in your room and give me little backstories about where you got them and such. I really want to feel like I'm one with you, Chris. So when I first set foot into your room I'll feel like I've been there forever. :D If you have anything naaaaughty to share with me… then would be the time, too! Tell me about how we'll snuggle up in your bed and cuddle and wiiiiggle. heeheee! xox}}

{{succession
|label = [[Jackie E-mails]]
|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 13]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 15]]
|bgcolor = #ffdddd
|bordercolor = #ff00ff
|textcolor = #000000
}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 14]]

Lars Call

2011-02-22T16:27:23Z

Quizlibet: /* Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25) */

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote|I want [[Jackie]] and I want to be able to keep my [[video games]].|[[Chris]], torn between two loves}}

The '''Lars Call''' was a ninety-minute phone conversation on 6 [[November 2010]] where Chris talked with [[Jackie]]'s [[Niggos|black]] [[JERKS|ex-boyfriend]] [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris got comfortable with [[Wikipedia:Ebonics|Ebonics]], and hilarity ensued. Near the end of the call, Lars mentions he's going to have [[sex]] with Jackie, and Chris completely misses what he just said as he hangs up the phone, once again proving how dense Chris really is.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion, thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|Down Syndrome]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say "nigga" out of context.
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]]; Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving]] he did.
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent nine months as a volunteer at a hospital, enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about trolls.
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[100_2278|strong]] and would kick their ass (only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit courtesy of [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]].
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]], he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 10; he was scared.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are Now About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [''In shrill, forced enthusiasm''] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ... Oh ... Jackie ... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Yeah. Oh, uhhh. Yep. What's a ... What's ... a ... [''sounds of frantic typing''] what's ... a what's ... uh, your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!
 '''Chris:''' ... hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright, nigga. Shit. Yo, I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all pro'lly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: "Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit." So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ... Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pull a lot of bashin' (?) and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any nasty habits and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model [[Wikipedia:Planes, Trains and Automobiles|planes, and trains, and automobiles]] maybe? Anything that be weighing you down, and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have [[CWCville|a whole city]] made out of [[Lego]]s that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of [[Lego]]s and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. [[Wikipedia:United States twenty-dollar bill|Jackson]] and [[Wikipedia:United States ten-dollar bill|a Hamilton]] and shit, goin' to [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeyes Chicken]] with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeyes and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Manchester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of [[gal-pals|friends]] back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave [[Chesterfield County]] where I was going to [[high school]] and move back [[Ruckersville]]. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through seventh grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "[[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my [[autism]] and considerable [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mindedness]], that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on [[Wikipedia]].
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that [[Wikipedia:Down syndrome|Down syndrome]] and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down syssdrome, it's way different from Down syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that [[Asperger's]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Asperger's, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Aspergers and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ [[Wikipedia:House slave|house nigga]]. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. [[Barb|My-my mom]]-it happens between my mom and [[Bob|dad]]. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m [[Niggos|a black man]], so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and [[Jackie]]. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain't [[Wikipedia:Cornbread|cornbread]].
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y'all know why Jackie wasn't happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my computer went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to [[YouTube]] for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y'all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about [[Book10Replacement|that fuckin’ comic video]]. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to YouTube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, [[troll]]in' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a Internet bullies, and cyberbullies. [[Trolls]].
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' (interjecting) They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a Internet celebr- Internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic]], in my comics and whatnot. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn [[CWCki]] and uh, damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a [[homos]]exual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like a- [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like, nigga, you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause "gay" be like your word. Just like "nigga" be like my word, an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Called him, uh, [[Sonichu]]. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with [[Rosechu|his girlfriend]] and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have [[Sonee & Rosey|children]].
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie comics]] and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be [[Homos|gay]] an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no --
 '''Lars:''' [[Wikipedia:Archie Bunker|Archie Bunker]] with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his [[Wikipedia:Jughead Jones|jughead]] remarks, shit. Fuckin' Archie. That be like what [[Sonichu (comic)|your comic]] is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the [[trolls]], [[Chris and English|the typos]], and then [[WeighIn|they weighed me, they weighed me down.]] And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some--
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some [[nudes|naked]] things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe-, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like....Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho... shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y-y-you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir- you can't exactly rush inspiration, for... uh... for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his [[parody]] against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and... (sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a--she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a... in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause.)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh--I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that--I was definitely going to do that, even though--
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no... no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that, I told her I would, that I would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that I was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I had said that I was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Lie or omission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''[[China|Pussy]].''
 '''Chris:''' How often--
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]].
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see-- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight-- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that-- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh-- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory-- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No-- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain-- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that [[Wikipedia:Casserole|casserole]]! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' Hold-- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not-- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told-- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I-- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said-- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not--
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm-- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh--
===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in forty-eight hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch [[Wikipedia:Lip service|lip service]] and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga, I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much-- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like--
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like-- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like [[Wikipedia:Lent|Lent]] and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all [[Wikipedia:Hallmark Cards|Hallmark]] greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no [[Wikipedia:Death Star|Death Star]]. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|Empire]] gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. [[Wikipedia:Lando Calrissian|Lando Calrissian]], fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]] and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's [[dick]] an' shit? Heard that shit back in [[2006]]. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]], the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up [[the Moon]]? Y'all be givin' up [[Wikipedia:Ceres (dwarf planet)|Ceres]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Moons of Pluto|Nix and Hydra]], goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and [[Wikipedia:Proxima Centauri|Proxima Centauri]] and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time-- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That [[PS3|PS Triple]] an' shit? Damn. Shit be like [[Chris and money|800 dollars]] and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''([[stress]]ful pause)'' No, I have not, no-- I have not sold my... PlayStation 3. And it ha-- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]] gonna turn into a [[Wikipedia:Black hole|black hole]] 'cause it pissed off about bein' a [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]]. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no-- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not-- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the PlayStation 3 a... "PS Triple". [[Chris and Hypocrisy|And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.]]
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'-- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the-- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s-- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some [[Wikipedia:Grits|grits]] on there. Some [[Wikipedia:Starburst (confectionery)|Starburst]]. Little [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... [[Transformers]] I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I-- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl-- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how-- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I-- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon-- Upon my [[Aunt Corrina]]'s grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and [[Barbara|my mom]] and [[Bob|my dad]]. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any-- I will just not spend any more-- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' --downloading for the P--
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th-- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, [[Jackie]] ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been-- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie-- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... [[Wikipedia:Costco|Costco]] and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch--
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'-- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it-- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly-- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f-- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y-- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You-- You know of [[Wikipedia:iTunes|iTunes]], right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it--
 '''Lars:''' Be more like ''WhiteTunes'', with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or Rhapsody or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all Facebook on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like Space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already-- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to-- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh--
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and share-croppers be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way--
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some-- shi-- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November 2007, smearin' my name in the... ''[Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining]''

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a fake gun. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do 2 and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your Pokemon fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it-- I feel you but--
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokemon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a pedophile.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th-- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of police records on file--
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With this... dude, down over at the Game- Over at the Game and Hobby Place. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Tresspassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past-- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my Sweetheart Search lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a sign, like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18 to current age year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be-- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the-- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and they even dogpile on me one time, rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang-- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on the here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you--
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old Michael Snyder ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my slow-mind wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but--
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you--
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog--
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll niggers who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't-- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which--
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that-- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his--
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be 8 and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some Maury Povich up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str-- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I-- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a tresspassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no tresspassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn-- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including The Jeffersons, and... Bill Cosby, and... Sandford and Son, alla them. All them--
 '''Lars:''' ''"Sandford and Son"''???! Bitch I know you ain't bring up Sanford and Son, fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn Uncle Tom and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey (?) shit, blackface... Bamboozled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I--
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I--
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the H-B-O and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I-- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''Ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that C-Section scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for Alec, and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this gray nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no Hippiocratical Oath and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in High School when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "Nigger Jim", that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me 'Nigga Lars' and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me Nigger Jim! Who da fuck this Nigga Jim be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the High School Days, I tell you what, I was naive on the dating subject back in High School, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part Cherokee.
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got-- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them Red Niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Trail of Tears is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over Chris)'' What casino you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack Tribe? Whitejack Tribe? The... Poker Tribe? The Hold'Em Tribe? You from them--
 '''Chris:''' That just--
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi-- I- I ain't no Casino Niggah. I mean, we be--
 '''Lars:''' See--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American History and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the Red Niggas, they be all like, the Casino Niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common Red Nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your Red Niggas, they all be hard-workin' and sober and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at-- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. ''(Long pause)''

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (1:07:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah my mind be slow and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean-- I spend my mo-- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, pretty much dismantling the previous one I had, and then just running it over with my car, there be videos on the Youtube about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just-- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buyin' me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was--
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my--
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past-- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? ''(Pause)'' Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el-- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I--
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was-- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my-- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a 29 year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a 29 year-old nigga have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that 29 year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the Popeye's Chicken. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no Dr. Quinn gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all-- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poon tang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the-- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be--
 '''Chris:''' If I-- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I-- I'm scared to go on the internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and-- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk-- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poon tang and shit. What the-- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck-- Bitch, I told you not to go to that Taco Bell and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be-- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like five times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really-- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that Downtism and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it--
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh--
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down Syndrome, ''Autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poon tang and shit, and a meat loaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What-- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a fish fillet tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what-- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots-- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's-- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's-- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie-- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poon tang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I-- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog-- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now--
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now--
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie-- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in Nigga Culture, "Can't have your grape soda and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like orange soda.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember Kenan & Kel? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I-- I'm talking about the show that was on Nickelodeon.
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them nickel and dime theaters from the 1920's and shit? Fuckin' flappers and shit, women with short hair? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you-- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga-- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga]]

Lars Call

2011-02-22T16:26:11Z

Quizlibet: /* Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25) */

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote|I want [[Jackie]] and I want to be able to keep my [[video games]].|[[Chris]], torn between two loves}}

The '''Lars Call''' was a ninety-minute phone conversation on 6 [[November 2010]] where Chris talked with [[Jackie]]'s [[Niggos|black]] [[JERKS|ex-boyfriend]] [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris got comfortable with [[Wikipedia:Ebonics|Ebonics]], and hilarity ensued. Near the end of the call, Lars mentions he's going to have [[sex]] with Jackie, and Chris completely misses what he just said as he hangs up the phone, once again proving how dense Chris really is.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion, thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|Down Syndrome]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say "nigga" out of context.
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]]; Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving]] he did.
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent nine months as a volunteer at a hospital, enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about trolls.
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[100_2278|strong]] and would kick their ass (only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit courtesy of [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]].
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]], he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 10; he was scared.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are Now About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [''In shrill, forced enthusiasm''] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ... Oh ... Jackie ... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Yeah. Oh, uhhh. Yep. What's a ... What's ... a ... [''sounds of frantic typing''] what's ... a what's ... uh, your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!
 '''Chris:''' ... hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright, nigga. Shit. Yo, I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all pro'lly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: "Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit." So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ... Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pull a lot of bashin' (?) and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any nasty habits and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model [[Wikipedia:Planes, Trains and Automobiles|planes, and trains, and automobiles]] maybe? Anything that be weighing you down, and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have [[CWCville|a whole city]] made out of [[Lego]]s that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of [[Lego]]s and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. [[Wikipedia:United States twenty-dollar bill|Jackson]] and [[Wikipedia:United States ten-dollar bill|a Hamilton]] and shit, goin' to [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeyes Chicken]] with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeyes and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Manchester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of [[gal-pals|friends]] back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave [[Chesterfield County]] where I was going to [[high school]] and move back [[Ruckersville]]. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through seventh grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "[[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my [[autism]] and considerable [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mindedness]], that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on [[Wikipedia]].
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that [[Wikipedia:Down syndrome|Down syndrome]] and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down syssdrome, it's way different from Down syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that [[Asperger's]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Asperger's, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Aspergers and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ [[Wikipedia:House slave|house nigga]]. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. [[Barb|My-my mom]]-it happens between my mom and [[Bob|dad]]. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m [[Niggos|a black man]], so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and [[Jackie]]. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain't [[Wikipedia:Cornbread|cornbread]].
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y'all know why Jackie wasn't happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my computer went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to [[YouTube]] for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y'all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about [[Book10Replacement|that fuckin’ comic video]]. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to YouTube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, [[troll]]in' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a Internet bullies, and cyberbullies. [[Trolls]].
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' (interjecting) They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a Internet celebr- Internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic]], in my comics and whatnot. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn [[CWCki]] and uh, damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a [[homos]]exual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like a- [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like, nigga, you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause "gay" be like your word. Just like "nigga" be like my word, an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Called him, uh, [[Sonichu]]. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with [[Rosechu|his girlfriend]] and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have [[Sonee & Rosey|children]].
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie comics]] and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be [[Homos|gay]] an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no --
 '''Lars:''' [[Wikipedia:Archie Bunker|Archie Bunker]] with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his [[Wikipedia:Jughead Jones|jughead]] remarks, shit. Fuckin' Archie. That be like what [[Sonichu (comic)|your comic]] is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the [[trolls]], [[Chris and English|the typos]], and then [[WeighIn|they weighed me, they weighed me down.]] And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some--
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some [[nudes|naked]] things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe-, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like....Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho... shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y-y-you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir- you can't exactly rush inspiration, for... uh... for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his [[parody]] against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and... (sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a--she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a... in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause.)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh--I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that--I was definitely going to do that, even though--
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no... no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that, I told her I would, that I would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that I was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I had said that I was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Lie or omission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''[[China|Pussy]].''
 '''Chris:''' How often--
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]].
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see-- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight-- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that-- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh-- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory-- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No-- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain-- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that [[Wikipedia:Casserole|casserole]]! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' Hold-- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not-- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told-- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I-- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said-- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not--
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm-- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh--
===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in forty-eight hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch [[Wikipedia:Lip service|lip service]] and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga, I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much-- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like--
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like-- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like [[Wikipedia:Lent|Lent]] and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all [[Wikipedia:Hallmark Cards|Hallmark]] greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no [[Wikipedia:Death Star|Death Star]]. Ain't no [[Wikipedia:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|Empire]] gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. [[Wikipedia:Lando Calrissian|Lando Calrissian]], fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Uncle Tom|Uncle Tom]] and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all |[[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]] and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's [[dick]] an' shit? Heard that shit back in [[2006]]. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]], the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up [[the Moon]]? Y'all be givin' up [[Wikipedia:Ceres (dwarf planet)|Ceres]] and shit? Fuckin' [[Wikipedia:Moons of Pluto|Nix and Hydra]], goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and [[Wikipedia:Proxima Centauri|Proxima Centauri]] and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time-- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That [[PS3|PS Triple]] an' shit? Damn. Shit be like [[Chris and money|800 dollars]] and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''([[stress]]ful pause)'' No, I have not, no-- I have not sold my... PlayStation 3. And it ha-- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think [[Wikipedia:Pluto (dwarf planet)|Pluto]] gonna turn into a [[Wikipedia:Black hole|black hole]] 'cause it pissed off about bein' a [[Wikipedia:Dwarf planet|dwarf planet]]. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no-- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not-- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the PlayStation 3 a... "PS Triple". [[Chris and Hypocrisy|And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.]]
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'-- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the-- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s-- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some [[Wikipedia:Grits|grits]] on there. Some [[Wikipedia:Starburst (confectionery)|Starburst]]. Little [[Wikipedia:Grape soda|grape soda]] on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... [[Transformers]] I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I-- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl-- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how-- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I-- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon-- Upon my [[Aunt Corrina]]'s grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and [[Barbara|my mom]] and [[Bob|my dad]]. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any-- I will just not spend any more-- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' --downloading for the P--
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th-- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, [[Jackie]] ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been-- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie-- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... [[Wikipedia:Costco|Costco]] and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch--
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'-- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it-- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly-- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f-- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y-- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You-- You know of [[Wikipedia:iTunes|iTunes]], right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it--
 '''Lars:''' Be more like ''WhiteTunes'', with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or Rhapsody or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all Facebook on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like Space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already-- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to-- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh--
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and share-croppers be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way--
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some-- shi-- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November 2007, smearin' my name in the... ''[Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining]''

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a fake gun. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do 2 and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your Pokemon fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it-- I feel you but--
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokemon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a pedophile.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th-- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of police records on file--
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With this... dude, down over at the Game- Over at the Game and Hobby Place. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Tresspassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past-- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my Sweetheart Search lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a sign, like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18 to current age year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be-- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the-- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and they even dogpile on me one time, rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang-- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on the here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you--
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old Michael Snyder ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my slow-mind wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but--
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you--
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog--
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll niggers who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't-- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which--
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that-- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his--
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be 8 and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some Maury Povich up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str-- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I-- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a tresspassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no tresspassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn-- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including The Jeffersons, and... Bill Cosby, and... Sandford and Son, alla them. All them--
 '''Lars:''' ''"Sandford and Son"''???! Bitch I know you ain't bring up Sanford and Son, fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn Uncle Tom and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey (?) shit, blackface... Bamboozled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I--
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I--
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the H-B-O and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I-- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''Ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that C-Section scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for Alec, and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this gray nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no Hippiocratical Oath and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in High School when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "Nigger Jim", that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me 'Nigga Lars' and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me Nigger Jim! Who da fuck this Nigga Jim be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the High School Days, I tell you what, I was naive on the dating subject back in High School, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part Cherokee.
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got-- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them Red Niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Trail of Tears is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over Chris)'' What casino you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack Tribe? Whitejack Tribe? The... Poker Tribe? The Hold'Em Tribe? You from them--
 '''Chris:''' That just--
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi-- I- I ain't no Casino Niggah. I mean, we be--
 '''Lars:''' See--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American History and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the Red Niggas, they be all like, the Casino Niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common Red Nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your Red Niggas, they all be hard-workin' and sober and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at-- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. ''(Long pause)''

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (1:07:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah my mind be slow and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean-- I spend my mo-- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, pretty much dismantling the previous one I had, and then just running it over with my car, there be videos on the Youtube about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just-- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buyin' me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was--
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my--
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past-- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? ''(Pause)'' Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el-- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I--
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was-- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my-- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a 29 year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a 29 year-old nigga have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that 29 year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the Popeye's Chicken. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no Dr. Quinn gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all-- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poon tang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the-- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be--
 '''Chris:''' If I-- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I-- I'm scared to go on the internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and-- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk-- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poon tang and shit. What the-- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck-- Bitch, I told you not to go to that Taco Bell and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be-- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like five times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really-- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that Downtism and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it--
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh--
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down Syndrome, ''Autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poon tang and shit, and a meat loaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What-- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a fish fillet tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what-- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots-- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's-- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's-- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie-- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poon tang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I-- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog-- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now--
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now--
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie-- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in Nigga Culture, "Can't have your grape soda and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like orange soda.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember Kenan & Kel? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I-- I'm talking about the show that was on Nickelodeon.
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them nickel and dime theaters from the 1920's and shit? Fuckin' flappers and shit, women with short hair? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you-- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga-- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga]]

Jackie E-mails 15

2011-02-22T14:18:36Z

Quizlibet:

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 16-23 [[September 2010]].

Chris prompts Jackie to not demand so much videos, and not have information out; not because it's too much effort and would cause him stress, but to protect her identity... HONEST and TRUE. Jackie points out how Chris is still an addict, Chris disagrees, so that has to be good enough, since her opinion MUST be inferior to his. Chris has been buying more games, spent most of his tugboat already; "spent less to make more profit" is still spending. The job hunt has been completely forgotten. Chris makes a bold speech about cyber-bullies and online trolls, immediately make it all about himself.

{{EmailReply|September 16, 2010 - 7:34pm

We all learn from our past mistakes. I've made a lot myself with my past times on the [[internet]] like you did here. All we can do is just not to think about it and move forward in life. Chalk this to another thing you and I have in common; there's [[Nudes|naked pics]] of us on the internet, yet they ended up there by mistake (or in some of my cases, from deception, blackmail and spyware).

Jackie, I am proud of you for sharing your [[honest]]y and emotions with me; your story shall remain strictly confidential between you and me. And I am here for you, as your trusted Sweetheart. LOL :)

I am happy I could make you happy, [[Sweetheart]]. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

As for your contest, it is a fun idea, but I feel posting daily on the [[YouTube]] is too much. As a strict rule on internet safety: Keep your personal information to yourself and not make it go public. But I have a better idea that I feel will allow you to see me on the daily fun as well. I will take photographs daily of thing(s) I'm doing and such, and e-mail them to you. And in each of those e-mails, I will confide a secret with you.

There's too much of me on the internet these days, and I do not want to put any more stuff about me online that the trolls can toy with to make my reputation worse, and even worse bring more shame to my family.

And I want a daily secret and current photographs from you as well in response to each of my photo(s) and secret(s) I send you daily. Keeping all that in mind with the rest of your rules, you agree to my amendments, and I will "participate in your contest". Okay, Jackie-Heart? :)

I'll TTYL. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 8:19pm

Chris, are you ashamed of our love? We have nothing to hide. I didn't mean I want you to post super-confidential stuff. Just little fun things. Like, your favorite food, or a fond memory, or something. Is thirty seconds a day really too much to ask? All I wanted is for you to put on a simple costume or something, turn on the camera, dance a little and say hi and say a little "secret", and that's it. Once a day. I don't get why you won't do that for me.

In fact, I feel a little hurt that you would put down my contest and try to take it over. I'm doing this contest so you can win me - all of me, Chris. I want us to fuck baby, I want to pleasure you - but as a reward. Haven't you put me through enough emotional turmoils, enough ups and downs? This is a very small request, Chris. ESPECIALLY seeing as you have now prematurely seen me naked. Please, Chris. Don't make me beg. I want you to do this contest. If you do it, and you play by my rules, I promise to reward you. Will secrets, will pictures, and with my sex. But you have to show some effort and what you replied with made me cry! I am still crying all over my key board. I don't want to cry! Do you want me to cry?? I would hope not… but then again, I hoped you would do my contest....

Now my night is ruined... :'( :'( :'(

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 17, 2010 - 8:08pm

Chris, why haven't you written back to me yet?? I was crying so much yesterday that now my [[cat]] got upset and ran out of the house, and now I can't find him! I'm afraid my cat ran away!! Where have you been, Chris??}}

{{EmailReply|September 18, 2010 - 3:48pm

I've had a busy day yesterday running errands with my family and such. Oh my god, I am soo sorry to hear that you lost your cat. I pray that you'll find him/her soon and safe. The best you can do is print and put up a few flyers with a photo on it and your best contact info.

And I did not realize that you only wanted Little Details; I thought you meant Really, Deep Secrets that NO One Else would know. I am soo sorry for the misunderstanding. Since that is the case, I Will make the short, fun videos for your contest. You have your man. ;) And a different silly costume per day is a bit much, unless I'm misunderstanding that detail, and you really mean different sets of clothing from what I normally wear. Please verify that for me.

Good News, the Sale of my [[Sega]] Consoles went through successfully; $120 easy. Since we're delaying our meet, though, I put half of it into my bank, and gave the other half to my father to help quell the debt a bit.

I also have an idea, and a suggestion for you, for an article for your School Paper, and a way you and I can meet sooner. :) You can do an article on Internet Safety and Cyber-Bully/Troll Protection, and since you know a Big Time Victim of years of this torment ([[Christian Weston Chandler|me, LOL]]), you can personally interview me while I offer my own personal views, tips for safety and protection, etc. This would work soo goood for you and me; a great article for you to write, you and I can meet sooner, and this article would help give me a better reputation over what's been said on the internet. Think it over and get back to me on that.

One more thing, even though I did get a sneak peak of you, it did give me something better of you to [[Mass debate|jack off]] to, and even better; I've been jacking off sometimes with you in my mind, imagination and heart, and now I have a better perception of your pretty breasts. Plus, this allowed me to see your figure, and let me tell you, you have a Great Figure, Jackie. :) Take everything I'm confiding into you right now as a big compliment, Sweetheart.

Also, I've attached photos of [[Chris's room|my room spread]], and a new photo of myself in a [[Chris and Fashion|fun shirt]] I purchased from Spencers a few months ago, for you. Look at me, I'm an Archer, and I'm aiming my arrow at you, because I want you and I Love You.

Enjoy. :)

I'll bug ya later, Sweetheart. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 18, 2010 - 5:54pm

Hi Chris!

Oh honey, I'm sorry we got that confused. I guess I wasn't clear the first time I brought up the "secret" thing. Thank you so much for clearing it up for me. Whew, that's a load off my mind. As for the [[Cosplay|costumes]], I also didn't mean for you to do anything too extravagant for those, since they'd be daily and of course it would be a pretty big hassle if you had to make up something big for each day. I was just thinking you could do some simple little costume piece each day, like maybe paint your face up one day, or wear a cape around your shoulders, or put a paper mask on, or something like that. Nothing too fancy. I'm sure I can think of some simple suggestions along the way, too. :) Tell you what, I'll come up with a list of ideas that I think will work.

So, I'm glad that you liked the picture of me. So you jack off with me in mind sometimes? What other things do you think of when you do it? ;) I guess [[Lars]]' treachery had at least one good effect. I've been trying to write him to tell him off for what he did, but I don't have his number anymore and the email address I have for him seems to be invalid now because my emails are getting bounced back. I really want to lay into him, though. I wish I knew how to locate him or contact him. Any suggestions on how to find a person? He's probably laughing to himself right now about releasing my pictures. Worthless prick. Agh, he just gets me so angry and upset all at the same time. I'm glad I have you to vent to about it, though, sweetie :)

You know what? I really like your article idea! I have a midterm project coming up that's based around doing an interview, and I was going to do something internet-related anyway; I think this would be a really interesting path to take, I'll tell my professor about it on Monday. In the meantime, I'm going to start putting together a structure for the interview, questions I can ask, that sort of thing. By my next email I should have some preliminary questions I can ask you and you can give me some detailed answers, and then we can build it from there. Unfortunately, like I said I really don't think I'm going to have time to come home again before November 1st, but look at it this way: If I'm integrating you into my schoolwork, then we'll be that much closer for the duration! I'm sorry sweetie, I know it's tough not seeing me, I don't like not seeing you either, but I'm just getting so swamped this term :( But it's only just going to be a few weeks before I'm definitely home anyway, and starting on the 1st I'll have some extended leave time from school so we can spend ALL our time together :)

Thanks for the pictures of your room, I was kind of hoping for a video of it, but these are still cool. Looks like there's a lot of interesting stuff with history in there. I have a few questions about some of it: 
-Right below that [[The Simpsons|Marge Simpson]] picture to the right of your tv, there's [[:File:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|a picture]] of two people sitting on a couch on a blue background, what is that? 
-Right to the left of the [[TV]] there's a thing that looks like a black wand with a small light bulb on it hanging off your shelf, what is that thing? 
-Are those VHS tapes on the bottom of your shelf in those blue boxes? I haven't seen a VHS tape in a long time, what do you have on all those? Home movies? 
-On the arm of your couch, there's [[Plush Breasts|a pink thing]] that looks kind of like a pillow, but it's oddly shaped. What is it? Where did you get it?

Well anyway, I've got some other homework to do right now, but I'm going to start crafting the questions for my interview with you. I'm really excited about this!! I mean, people have written articles on cyberbullying before, but you've got kind of a unique perspective that I don't think has ever really been brought into such an article before. I'll write to you soon!! :) :) :)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie

P.S. My cat is fine now, turns out he was just hiding in the bushes at a house a block away, they called and let me know. The mischievous little scamp is back home safe and sound. :)}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 19, 2010 - 1:54pm

I'm happy that you're happy again, and that you liked my suggestion for the interview.

To answer your questions, A) [[Random-access humor|my mind is random]], and during masturbation, it can be a pain while I'm concentrating on having you [[:Image:Christshirt37.png|mounted]] on me with your hair waving about, the pleasured look on your face, your breasts bouncing, and your bod going up and down. :) Aside from the imagination-play, whatever else current-topic can randomly pop in for a short moment for one or few seconds. When the side-thought goes away, my mind goes blank, and I have to concentrate to put you back up there, but it's a fairly quick recovery. B) [[:File:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|That]] is a pastel drawing I drew in [[High School]] of a likely future for me; me and [[Lovely Weather|my future wife]] (physical appearance to actual future not necessarily applicable) and our child watching television. That's on the right half of the drawing; on the left half I'm working at a job on an assembly line. C) The wands with the spheres are my Playstation Move Motion Controllers; I got those, plus a Navigation Controller and Sports Champions recently after preordering them with the HUGE Credit I got from trading in a ton of Software; mostly from my Game Boy Advance collection.

I'm going to go off-topic for a bit, here. I have been playing video games ALL of my life from after I was born, starting from a Commodore 64 Computer. I have been working more on being social in real life and other [[Church|social activities]], and I am looking to do more of such and then some with you in the near future. I was [[Pokemon League|very social-able]] in Middle and High School. And I am looking for more job opportunities to apply for. The point is, Video Games have been a Major Part of my whole life and who I am, but [[Sex|real-life duties]] always will take higher priority over them. Plus I have been giving you my heart-filled energy and compassion, and I have recently sold away the vast majority of my Older Consoles and their software I've been holding onto for soo long. I will sometimes get a new piece of software for my current console, but it is NOT Often. I am asking you to not judge me for my gaming ways, because I am a LOT more than that, as you are aware.

I apologize for going into detail like that, but I felt it was applicable to establish that point. So, in a sense, I am blowing off the steam your way in confidence.

Going back to the Q&A, D) I do have a ton of VHS Tapes in those small boxes down there. NOT so many [[Chris's DVD|home movies]]; it's 99% TV Shows and Movies; about 50-75% being Cartoons and Animation. Currently, I am without a VCR that has a working VHS-Playing capacity, and I am looking for a fully operational replacement for an inexpensive price. And E) that [[Plush Breasts|pink thing]] is a Pillow, which is shaped to simulate a pair of womanly breasts with erect nipples. I got it at Spencers a while back. It is good for neck support while I slumber.

I am happy that we got the misunderstandings for the YouTube vids you want me to make later cleared up too. Inexpensive, fun things I can put on for fun. I've come up with a few comical skit ideas, but I'll let you wait to see them for yourself. ;)

Revenge is a dish best served cold. The recent situation with Lars and the photograph(s) is nothing major. I'd suggest just letting it go and moving on with your life. Normally, though I would suggest ignoring the Trolls, but if you feel like you really need to lash out at Lars, then I would say inquire this "Robert" person about where he found the photograph, specifically, with the webpage's address. It is also possible that "Robert" may actually be Lars going by an alias, but do not be sure until you've found more. You may also try googling Lars by his full name and see if you can find his current e-mail address. But I warn you, should you contact "Robert", be wary of his possible Trolling/Cyber-Bully methods; do not respond in anger, and if you feel like he is a "Dead End" towards getting to Lars, then STOP communications with him, Block his e-mail, and Do Not Reply.

I am [[Don'tGetTrolled!|reminded]] of a [[Flipnote Hatena|FlipNote]] I've watched on the Hatena through my DSi, you can view it here...
http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016?in=user
I also have it saved on my DSi's SD Card. It speaks truth on the Trolls and essentially dealing with them by just Ignoring Them.

I look forward to the interview, I am free to drive over to your place to do the interview in person, but Q&A over e-mail is cool.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, Sweetheart. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 19, 2010 - 8:20pm

Hey Chris!

Chris, I'm kind of surprised that you brought up your video game addiction, that came out of the blue. But I appreciate you feeling like you can talk to me about it and vent your feelings to me. Since you brought it up, I'll reply with my understanding of the situation:

Video games have definitely been a huge part of your life and still are; you say that you are getting over your addiction, but that is obviously not true. You say that you have recently sold off so much of your older games - which is good - then you used the credit you got from that to just go buy new video game toys anyway. And you couldn't be bothered to work up a little spending money to go to Otakon, and you kept making up the excuse that your parents would have you arrested if you tried to come see, but it took you a short four days to work up $300 for a new PS3 when you wanted a new one, even though you told me you could go a long time without a PS3 and I asked you to do so.

So your addiction is every bit as strong as ever. But you know that, I know that, let's not talk about your unwillingness to change your habits since there's nothing new to say. Let's talk about the interview! You know, I was thinking to myself that email might not be the best way to conduct the interview, as we would have to wait for each others' replies and the question-and-answer process could take a long time. I think it would be really helpful if I could talk to you over Instant Messaging so that we can have the conversation in real-time. When would you be able to be online and do that with me, sweetie? I still have to put together a list of questions (Today was a busy day) but how about we do it Tuesday afternoon or evening?

I have to go for now, but I'll write more later sweetie!!

XOXOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 20, 2010 - 6:15pm

Although, I feel uncertain with the IM situation, but I'm willing to try it. I think I still have AIM access through this e-mail of mine; I'll add your e-mail address and see if I can get a connection or something going there. On the other hand, doesn't your room over there have a phone? That can be a plan "B", a phone conversation. If we go with the phone conversation, I'll need the phone number's Area Code, so I can watch for it on my Cell's Caller ID.

Anyhoo, I appreciate your understanding of my gaming thing here, but I feel disagreement with still having a major addiction. I feel that after you and I get together in person, I will be spending a lot less time on my games. You see, I feel if I have you, a real person, my girlfriend and Sweetheart to better influence me to do more outside activities and such, things will work out well. The sooner I have you with me, the more I can get out of my house. Flipside, if I came to you over there, it's the same thing, but I'd be going to you. :)

I look forward to doing the interview and offering my thoughts to you for the article.

TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 20, 2010 - 7:01pm

Hey Chris!

I totally get where you're coming from on the gaming addiction thing, sweetie - bargaining is a very common way of avoidance when one has an addiction; that is to say, your attempt to bargain that "if you had me, then you'd stop playing games so much" is totally understandable. But that's why you have to leave your comfort zone and actually try to make things better now, rather then wait for some hypothetical situation where everything is perfect - because if you keep to that attitude, then even after we meet in person you'll have some new requirement that has to be met before you'll start working on your addiction, and then another, and then another, so on, etc. But breaking out of that bargaining addict's attitude is key to success - you can't count on me, or anyone else to just magically make your addiction go away. You have to do it yourself. And right now you're obviously still at a place where you don't want to get better, because you're still placing the onus on me to fix your addiction for you. I can't do that now, and I can't do it after we meet in person. The onus is yours, Chris. But I know you have the true strength and will to overcome your hurdle when you finally decide to step it up, sweetie. I have faith in you!! <3 <3 <3

Anyway, I don't really like the idea of using the phone for an interview. It's a lot easier to have a record of the conversation from the IM log so that I can better incorporate it into my paper; if we did it on the phone I'd be halting to write notes of your responses constantly. I added your email to my AIM list, you should add mine. Let's both be online tomorrow night at 9:00pm. That should give us plenty of time to talk together. And if we don't cover everything I'd like to, we can just continue it again another night! (We can talk more anyway even when I'm done doing the interview :)

Well, I'm going to start putting together some questions again. I don't want to have a huge script or anything for what we talk about, because I think it will flow better if we can have a natural conversation and let things come up as they become important. But I have some broad topics I'll want to bring up when we begin. And I'm sure you also have some ideas about the important subjects that you think need to be given priority, so you can bring those up to when we are doing it. I'll write more later, but I look forward to IMing tomorrow night, hon!!!

XO XO XO XO XO XO XO XO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 21, 2010 - 5:33pm

I will be online tonight at about 8:45, and I'll wait for your IM on my AIM, and we'll see if we can [[Jackie Chat 1|successfully talk there]].

In response to your first paragraph of the last e-mail, I did not mean to imply any "[[Harry Potter|magical]]" riddance of my addiction with your presence or such. I meant that with you getting me out of the house more often to be with you and whatnot, I'd be doing more outside things away from my games. And After doing a great number of outside activities a number of times, Then my addiction may fade into something smaller. I do not have that many ideas of places or events I would enjoy for myself by myself. I have tried such with events like the concerts at [[Fridays After Five|Fridays After 5]]; by my lonesome, it wasn't all that swift for me; I need someone my age range like you to enjoy such things with and make me better enjoy them.

I have a lot of things to discuss with tonight for your article, in addition to your questions, so I should have a lot for the article for you. :) Plus, I have in-game photographed my TrollBusters, Cal and Dee Dee (Dee^2), their TrollBuster Truck (a cleaned and souped-up Garbage Truck), myself as an honorary TrollBuster, the sponser car, and a T-Shirt I have come up with for possible creation and promotional distribution to make people aware of the Trolls and protecting themselves from them. Attached are the photographs.

I'll TTYTonight. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 22, 2010 - 8:27pm

Hey Chris!

So Samantha sent me an email talking about your recent discussions with her, she wrote to me to blow off some steam - she was mad because you've been lying to her repeatedly. And then she said YOU got offended at HER because she tried to call you out on your wrongdoing and that you claimed she was "raising her voice" every time she was simply standing up for herself; that's why she wrote me so angry. How come you don't want to talk to have your talks with her anymore? I mean, aside from myself she's kind of your only friend, and now you want to blow her off just because she stood up for herself and wouldn't just be a doormat to your disrespect? I guess if that's the way you want to go, by all means, but you complain a lot how much trouble you have making new friends, so I don't get why you want to just toss away one that's been trying very hard to help you. Well, since she wrote to me I thought I should let you know.

Anyway, since we had been talking about the CWCki last night, I looked again today, and there's a new page. Apparently they have records of your Best Buy purchases. Looking at that, here's a list of how much you've spent lately, and the dates you spent on (I bolded the dollar amounts to make them stand out):

9/20/2010: a [[PSN]] card, [[Wikipedia:Silent Hill (film)|Silent Hill the movie]], [[Wikipedia:Resident Evil 5|Resident Evil 5]]. '''$43.98''' 
9/17/2010: a [[PSEye|Playstation Eye]] camera mount. '''$14.99''' 
9/06/2010: a [[Netflix]] 1 month subscription. '''$8.99''' 
8/05/2010: Two PSN cards. '''$20.00''' 
7/30/2010: A PSN card. '''$10.00''' 
7/16/2010: [[ModNation Racers]] for [[PSP]]. (Don't you already have that for PS3? Why get the same game for two systems?) '''$19.99''' 
7/02/2010: A game called "NDS Flaw" (what is that?), as well as a DSI zoom case.. '''$20.98'''

So that's a lot of purchases for the past couple of months, totalling to $138.93, and that's just a little bit of the list, I didn't go through the whole thing. And that's just at [[Best Buy]] - you've talked about spending quite a bit at [[Gamestop]] too, not just the $300 for the new PS3 (which brings the total to $438.93, not counting your other Gamestop purchases, which I don't have accurate figures for), but also on other things besides that. I just thought it would be helpful if I pointed these dollar amounts out plainly, because when you see them like this it becomes harder to fool yourself into thinking you've begun to work on your gaming addiction. I know it probably makes it all feel kind of silly when you look at the plain facts like this, but trust me, once you make the decision to kick the habit and actually try to get over your game addiction, this will all just seem so funny in hindsight. I know it's all at your own pace and that no one can make your life better but yourself, but I do really hope you consider turning yourself around and beginning to combat your game addiction. Just think what you could have done with that $450+ if you hadn't dropped it on games! But like I say, I have faith in your strength and will, Chris!!

Anyway, in other news... ugh, I got into contact with Lars. He's such an asshole. I am just so mad about it, I don't even feel like talking about him right now... ugh. Maybe we can talk about him in our next IM chat. Speaking of, will you be available tomorrow night at 9pm? We can talk then. I can vent to you about what Lars did to me, if you don't mind listening to my sad story... :( but I know you're such a good listener, and even better at cheering me up. ;) ;)

Well, let me know so that we can confirm that we are on for tomorrow night. Hope to talk to you then!!

XO XO XO XO XO XO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 23, 2010 - 7:56pm

I've mostly told Samantha the truth when we talked, but I did [[lie]] some, but I had my good reasons, between sparing her feelings, making the conversation less embarrassing for me, etc. Recently, she asked me to list some lies I've told her in the past, which I recollected and did inform her of. And in that same e-mail, I've told her about how she raises her voice to me when she doesn't have to. I listen to her and her sound advice; she thought I was blowing her off when she talked less aggressively in the past, when I did not; I hang and have hung onto every word she says to me. Every detail is saved in my memory and subconscious. Currently, it is NOT that I don't want to talk to her; I e-mail daily on the current events, but I felt with how she was feeling after my comment on the raised voice, we needed a bit of time apart. I will be back on the phone with her very soon after emotions have simmered down. It makes me feel sad that I've made her feel like this, but I was only doing what she asked me to do; tell the truth.

Damn those trolls; I'll have to change the password on my RewardZone account now. For your information... A) the recent 43.98 purchase was actually a spot of Wheeling and Dealing I did; I actually spent less to make a profit. [[Wikipedia:Toys "R" Us|Toys 'R' Us]] had [[Wikipedia:Borderlands (video game)|Borderlands]] for PS3 for a lower price than the current $39.99 price at Best Buy; I paid 20.98 for it at T.R.U. After that, I took the game to Best Buy, told them I received it as a gift and got the store credit of 41.??, THEN I got what I really wanted, [[Wikipedia:Resident Evil 5|Resident Evil 5]] G.E. and a 10 dollar PSN Card, but even the two items would still leave me with some credit, so I added [[Wikipedia:Silent Hill (film)|the Silent Hill movie]], and paid the 3 dollar difference in cash. R.E.5.G.E. was on sale for 10 less than normal this week for 29.99, it was now PSMove Compatible, I wanted a good shooter for the Move, and I had heard a LOT of good things about the game long before as well. I just wanted the PSP version of ModNation as well, after enjoying the PS3 version as well. The "NDS Flaw" item was a Nintendo DSi game titled "[[Wikipedia:System Flaw|System Flaw]]". I got it the same day I got the Zoom Case.

I agree with you on the addiction issue.

Yes, I will be free tomorrow night at 9:00; I'm looking forward just talking with you again, and I will be most happy to listen to your story and make you feel better. :)

New topics: my other thoughts for Troll Awareness and Cyber-Bully Self-Protection. You can quote me on the following paragraphs for the article.

There are people around the world who for their own individual reasons seek cruel laughs, fun or comfort in making fun at [[Monthly Tugboat|other people's expenses]], all celebrities included. I, Christian Weston Chandler, of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America]], have fallen victim of these cads, these scoundrels, these scumbags of the earth's soil. I am original creator of the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric-Hedgehog Pok'emon]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], as well as their hometown of [[Cwcville]], Virginia, United States of America. True, they were [[Ripped off|inspired]] by [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]], but they were still considerably original, even positively [[Parody|parodied]]. I had a self-hand-drawn comic book series of them, with myself as a self-proclaimed "Intrusive Director", similar to [[Wikipedia:Shinichi Watanabe|Shinichi Watanabe]] of the anime "[[Excel Saga]]". As the years passed in the story creation, I later discovered that I was being bad-mouthed behind my back in November of [[2007]] by individuals who hide behind the "[[Barbara|Mother's Skirt]]" of the Internet, who are referred to as Trolls, or Cyber-Bullies. Their groups and icons include that of "[[4chan|4-Chan]]", the "[[Pedofork|Pedobear]]", the "Epic Smile", "Chargin' Muh Lazur"; the list goes on. They all think they are of a high and mighty rank above EVERYBODY around the world, including and especially every individual who they make dark mockeries of. These Trolls not only put in their own twisted, evil thoughts on the innocent people they pick on, but from EVERYTHING the innocents put on the internet from Typed, Quoted Text; drawings and photographs, YouTube Videos, etc, etc, etc. And even worse, the Trolls DECEIVE and BLACKMAIL us innocents by establishing [[List of Chris's sweethearts|Online Relationships]], making us open up emotionally to them to confide our private Truths, Photographs, Videos for Footage. They deceived [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|my "CWC On TV" DVD]] from me by pretending to be an old childhood girl friend of mine. And other times, they deceived and blackmailed me to give them naked [[Nudes|photographs]] and [[For Julie's Eyes Only|videos]] I create of myself. And then they throw Horrendous Mislabels of [[Homos|HOMOSEXUALITY]] upon us by [[:Image:Cwcbraorig.JPG|PHOTOSHOPPING]] the photographs and altering the videos. They Blackmailed me by hacking into my own personal Internet Accounts, such as [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]], but specifically my [[Chris humps his PS3|PlayStation Network Account]]. They also have gotten into my bank and credit card accounts. They can just as easily get into YOUR accounts of Monetary Value, INCLUDING your XBox Live Account, and Possibly Wii and DSi Ware too. Their hacking prowess is unknowingly powerful, depending on WHO is in their organization for their crass "LULZ," which I personally define as "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|Laughs Under Lucrativeness]]".

I tell every person who has been, as well as not yet but will be, Tormented and Found by a Troll/Cyber-Bully. YOU ALL can Protect Yourselves by simply Practicing the Safety Advice from me here, as well as other Cyber-Bully Prevention organizations found on the internet AND in real life; Google these places. Simply, though, you can Protect Yourselves by simply,
A) NEVER giving out your Personal, Private Information to Anyone or Anywhere suspicious. Especially those who would even be your "Friends" Online. If you can't and won't tell a Close Relative, like your Grandmother, DO NOT Tell [[Jackie|ANYONE]]. This includes your PASSWORDS for EVERYTHING. And for ALL of you Gamers, your E-Mail Addresses you have Linked to your Console Accounts. 
B) Have the Latest, Highly-Recommended and Fully Upgrade Anti-Virus/Anti-SpyWare Software installed on your Computers and Laptops. If your Wi-Fi and Ethernet Cables are at all linked to your PC, the Trolls can access EVERYTHING you have within Wi-Fi and Ethernet Distance, INCLUDING your gaming consoles and other devices. And when you're not using the Wi-Fi, unplug your Wireless Router, but NOT the Modem. If you unplug your Modem, you'll have troubles with Duplicate IP Addresses, and you'll need to restart your computer. Also, your consoles may have troubles getting online when you have Duplicate IP Addresses. 
C) DO NOT put your Private Photos and Videos on the internet, this includes WITHOUT A DOUBT Naked Photographs and Videos of yourself and all those around you. And also do not put up anything else that will Incriminate you, [[Tour of Chris's House|your household]], and everything else you care about. 
D) Keep your Eyes Open even in REAL LIFE; the Trolls will follow you; take ANY Photographs and Videos of you and all around you without your Knowledge, Consent, Approval or Permission. 
E) A Good Reputation is a Happy Reputation, so do what you can to make and keep a Good Reputation as an All-Around Good Person. Be [[Mailbag|Generous]], Be [[Michael Snyder|Kind]], Be [[Mary Lee Walsh|Courteous]], Be [[JERKS|Caring]] and [[Aspergers|Understanding]], Be a [[Death threats|Positive Yourself]].

And if you Suspect ANYONE around you who is likely to be a Troll or Cyber-Bully, Report them to the [[Jerkops|Police]] or [[Barack Obama|High Authority]], including your own and Their Family(ies). Be Cautious of the Signs. 
-They have too many secrets, or at like they are hiding a lot of things. 
-They constantly take photos and videos of ANY Person, even when that person is doing [[:Image:WantWoman.jpg|NOTHING]] at all. 
-They are constantly on their Computers. 
-Their Bookmarks and History include Trolling or Cyber-Bully Forums, Websites and whatnot. 
-They have a HIGH Knowledge of Hacking into Computers and they use their Knowledge for Evil or Trolling Purposes. 
-They have a number of [[Carlos Chantor|Online Aliases]]. 
-They talk a LOT of the Internet and speak ill of, or appear to be FAKING speaking nice of, [[Chris|Anyone]]. 
-If you get any Hate Messages that make you feel irritated or angry, DO NOT RESPOND. Trolls also look for the thrill of [[CWC is Angry|Anger]] or [[CWC is Sad|Sadness]] from their victims.

I also put forward a truthful FlipNote from user, "8-BIT" ("DizzyDrill"),
http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016?in=user. 
He has the right idea of what Trolls/Cyber-Bullies think in their desire to get a rise out of you. If you have a DSi, you can download this FlipNote for yourself through the FREE "FlipNote Studio" Program from the DSiWare Store.

If you are a Victim of Trolling/Cyber-Bullying, and you KNOW who the person is and where they are in Real Life, there is a good chance you'll be able to [[Chris and the Law|legally sue them]]. Talk to a legal [[Harvey Birdman|attorney]] for more information and details on how.

And if you ARE a Troll or Cyber-Bully, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, You'd be doing yourself a favor GIVING UP your ways, because YOU WILL BE FOUND AND PUNISHED.

Like the TrollBusters, Cal and Dee Dee, of Cwcville, VA who always catch the Troll in the Act, YOU can do your part in Stopping the Trolling and Cyber-Bullying.

How did you like that speech I've put together; I'd like your honest feedback?

With that, I'll wrap this up for now, and I will talk to you tomorrow night on the AIM at 9:00. :)

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{succession
|label = [[Jackie E-mails]]
|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 14]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 16]]
|bgcolor = #ffdddd
|bordercolor = #ff00ff
|textcolor = #000000
}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 15]]

Jackie E-mails 14

2011-02-22T13:26:21Z

Quizlibet: Found a mention of the Wallflower's real name.

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 9-16 [[September 2010]].

Chris talks about how he's been getting drunk, hitting on other women. Seriously. And, par for course with his [[noviophobia]], he hates what he hates because he gets jealous about what other people earned through effort: earning and effort not being in his capacity. Chris has drawn shitty porn; Jackie apparently being peed on by 4 guys (Chris has breasts, a niggo appears to be punching Jackie in the cunt), Chris's self-serving fantasy, with pickles either already having left, off panel, or badly hidden, and Niggo Cherokee Circle Jerk. Chris re-gifted a LBP present, which was first for Julie, then for Kacey, now Jackie. Jackie begins Chris on his path of ever-more blatant racism, shitty cosplay, and youtube videos, calls him a cripple.

{{EmailReply|September 9, 2010 - 6:08pm

I REALLY want to be with you, Jackie. So MUCH, that I would dedicated 3/4 of my next [[tugboat]] to you if I can't get the new $130 before then. And I REALLY would come all the way to [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin]] to meet/visit you Myself.

So far I was able to only get $19 from pawning off my Game Boy Color and 6 [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Game Boy Original/Color Games and selling my Game Boy Pocket for 5 to a new computer geek acquaintance of mine. The pawn shop would not accept my Saturn or Game Gear, because they were "Too Old." But after seeing a huge banner in front of a [[Wikipedia:7-Eleven|7-11]] of a PC Pro Computer store behind the 7-11, I went in and made a new acquaintance with a fellow Game Freak dude; he's going to help me by finding some people to buy the Genesis/32X/Sega CD, Saturn and Game Gear from me for my asking prices through his connections. He has his own page on [[Facebook|FaceBook]]. This is good, because at this point, the [[Troll]]s won't know about this and pester me like they would have done. This information is Confidential.

About the [[XBox]] thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, [[XBox is OK.MOV|I withdraw my past angst against the console]]. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.

I am LESS addicted to my PS3, I assure you. And I will prove it by spending a lot less to none more on the Network in the future and now. And Spending more on You And Me in our Relationship. And you have to give me credit for unloading the Older Consoles and their games I've been hoarding for years for cash, including the current transactions I'm looking for with the remaining 3 Older Consoles.

And you are right on me having no right to complain of other video game addicts, but I said those things to prove a point that people like them (including myself), AND the Trolls can better themselves by socializing Off of the internet and going out more often. I have been going out more on the daily basis, at least during the afternoon hours on average leaving between 2 and 4 PM and an average of over 3 Hours per day. If I knew where to go, I would definitely go out at night and have more fun, but aside from the new [[Wal-Mart]] to walk for a while, I do not have knowledge of such locations or how to act within their likely dim-lit areas. And, yeah, I do not really expect people to "drop what they're doing and converse with me" when I am unable to do it as easily as they are able to, but it is nice to be acknowledged and NOT to feel Invisible In Public. Seriously, even when I'm [[The GAMe PLACe|Shouting]] (while Drunk or near sober), NOBODY gives me attention; [[Attraction sign|I am ignored]]. And when I try to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|start something with a pleasant greeting]], I am STILL IGNORED. And I am RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE; AREN'T I HANDSOME ENOUGH TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION, LADIES? W.T.F. DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET EVEN A "HELLO" FROM ANYBODY THESE DAYS?!!!"

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

It makes me feel like a social outcast, and I do not want to be a social outcast.

Anyway, I am sorry for stopping communications with you for a short while; I needed some time for myself to collect my thoughts and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreement. I felt like [[Kick the Autistic|kicking myself]] over and over for saying the breaking up things I said in error. I did not mean it. And I am happy to still be talking to you, and I REALLY want to be with you. I am re-raising the money as quickly as possible. And if I can't come up with it by the end of the month, I will dedicate 3/4 of my remaining money from next month to US. :)

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe, Sweet and [[A Week With Christian Chandler|don't work yourself too hard in classes]] and journalism. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|1=September 9, 2010 - 7:46pm

Hey Chris.

Actually, since you brought up the prices of consoles, the original Xbox was $299 at launch, the same as the Playstation 2 at its launch. Didn't you have a PS2 anyway, though? More recently, the PS3 cost $499 for the 20gb model and $599 for the 60gb model at its launch - significantly more than the Xbox 360, which cost $299 for the basic model and $399 for the premium model when they were launched. You can read about it here: http://vgsales.wikia.com/wiki/Launch_price
Plus, Microsoft has LONG since fixed the red ring of death problem, and at the time that the 360 and the PS3 debuted, no one knew that blu rays would win the format war over hd-dvds. So it wasn't really fair to claim they "picked the lost format". I'm glad that you are beyond it though.

As for attracting attention, have you looked at the troll forum lately? I found this article here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
It doesn't say anything that you weren't aware of before, but it brings up a good point yet again: You have a terrible reputation because of your [[internet]] opposition. You know why people don't come up to you? Because most people who see you believe terrible things about you.

Anyway, here's what I want you to do to prove yourself to me: I want you to make a video. I want you to make a video [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|professing your love to me.]] Give me the works, Chris. Proclaim your true feelings for me. Tell me exactly why you want me and want to be with me. I want you to sweep me off my feet with some romantic [[music]] in the background - play my favorite band for me. You know which one. ;) I know you know what I'm talking about. And make a few new drawings of us together and show them in the video. The theme of the video? Our first date. Tell me where we will go, what we will do. Only one catch - There's no limit on money. It's our fantasy date where we can spend as much as we want, how we want. Do it as you think it will look. Make it really special.

And I don't want this to be a private video, either. I want you to put this on your youtube so everyone can see. I don't care if trolls know my name or try to look me up now, so don't worry about that. You've been very good about keeping me hidden from them, but I don't care about that anymore. Let the trolls try to bug me. I want you to make this video public because it's time for you to proclaim your love for me to all. Everyone should know who the one woman in your life is. I want this video by 8:00pm on Monday, September 13th. I'm looking forward to seeing it, sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 1:08pm

Yes, Sweetheart, I will draw some more of you and me together, and I will put together a video proclaiming my love for you and even a fantasy date. :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Heartthrobbings*

As for the other topics of your last e-mail, I was already aware of my online reputation haunting me in real life with the Rumors spread by the Trolls, so yeah. And I did not have my PS2 from Launch either; I did not even have a PSOne long until I found one at an older SPCA Rummage Sale for about 10 or 20, and it was at a time GameStop was still taking them in for Trade-Ins. I was going to trade it in for profit, but I decided to hold onto it and play it, and my earlier feelings towards [[Sony]] did a major 180 (YES, I was [[Nintendo]]/[[SEGA]] Exclusive and had hate for SONY equal to Microsoft on the Consoles). And later on, I got my PS2 for $20 from a Yard Sale; THEN I traded in my PSOne, and shortly after getting the PS2, I got [[Guitar Hero]] and started Rocking. And I did not get my PS3 at Launch; I got it MONTHS later on March 17, 2007, and I got the 60GB version for less than 599 at Wal-Mart (I think I got for 399; I'll have to look up the receipt).

But now, I have no anger against XBox, and the gay dudes. Samantha was very realistic in that discussion. She pointed out my [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|quoting the Bible as an excuse]] was wrong, and between the hatings I've had, the quotes, and other details that escape at the moment, I realized I've been further shooting myself in the foot without knowing it. It made me feel really sad and I cried some. But I am changing that; I'm going to Stop hating and start being more brimming with a more positive energy. After all, the Bible is essentially a Guideline to life, and [[God]] wants all of us to live in peace and good nature, regardless of whatever we may do, and what we're all doing that is considered against the Bible anyway.

Anyway, I will do the drawings of us together, play the [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]] in the background, and make a video professing my love to you and letting it go public. I'm also planning on making [[XBox is OK.MOV|a separate video]] for apologizing for my past hatred on the XBox, and apologizing to the gays as well. I will also remove ALL of the curses I had placed on people, including the Trolls.

We're moving forward together, Jacklyn. I Love You, Sweetheart.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 3:56pm

Yay!! I can't wait to see [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]]! Oh, I have a few more things about what I want to see, so take some notes:

-I really want you to enjoy the Crash Test Dummies as much as I do. Revel in them like I do. You know what would be great? If you sang along to the song (My favorite song is "[[Wikipedia:Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm]]"), but feel free to take artistic liberties with the lyrics and make up your own to fit us better. I know your vast imagination can really make the song come to life. 
-I want you to include the pictures of us together, new drawn pictures, on the date. Here's an idea for a plot: We start at starbucks, then go to see [[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|''Toy Story 3'']] at the movie theater, maybe get a little frisky in the back row ;) Then, I want you to rescue me from something. Like, something bad happens, like a villain rips through the movie screen and attacks, and you save me from him. 
-I want to see you dance in the video. The real you. Proclaim your love for me, enthusiastically. Get up and grove, jump, do a cartwheel. Do I make you jump? Do I make you twirl? Does my love make you scream? Yours does to me :) So return the favor. Let us be one. 
-Take us to the edge and back. Show me the future, the distance. I want us to face the end of the world and still hold onto one another. Let's face it all together, the trolls, the world, the future, God.

I can't wait to see the video Chris!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 6:34pm

I like your plot idea. Although, if I may offer my input, I offered to take you to see "[[Wikipedia:Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World]]", considering that movie is more romantic in its own way, may I portray us watching that instead of Toy Story?}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 7:03pm

I'm glad you like my plot! Although I don't really care for that Scott Pilgrim movie, it's one of those movies where even though I haven't seen it, I know exactly what the plot is because I've heard WAY too much about it from every person I pass by, because they can't stop talking about the damn thing and I'm tired of it before I even look at it. It looks like token hipster bullshit to me.

Besides, I don't want to see someone else's romance story. I want to see YOUR love story. ;)

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 12, 2010 - 11:13am

Hey Chris, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a little while. You must be working hard on that video. Well, I just wanted to check in.

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 12, 2010 - 2:43pm

I am working hard on the drawings and display photos for the video to present while Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm is playing. Plus, do not guess, but I will have a pleasant surprise for you later tonight in another e-mail.

Also, it is cool; I'll just draw [[Wikipedia:Sheriff Woody|Woody]] and [[Wikipedia:Jessie (Toy Story)|Jessie]] making out or something for the movie screen. Perhaps after some time has passed, you and I can check out Scott Pilgrim at home together, and the current feelings will pass. I still have not seen it myself yet, but it is one I would at least rent the video for after it comes out. Speaking of movies, have you seen "[[Wikipedia:Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief|Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief]]?" It is a Great movie; I watched it with [[The Wallflower|Damian]] in the theater before we [[Wallflower E-mails 3|broke up]]. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying or renting.

Stay Safe and Sweet. I'll TTYL, 
Christian. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<
3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 6:04pm

You and I have just reached the climax in our own intercourse, while these three dudes were [[Masturbating and squirtin'|jerkin' and watchin']]. And at climax, they came in to cum onto your breasts, and you wanted Me all over your face and in your mouth. Messy, little woman. ;)

I get off watching you enjoy yourself with my help, Jacklyn. I Love You.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 13, 2010 - 4:17pm

I'm uploading [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]] of my devotion for you right now. I feel I could have done better, but I was excited and elated for doing this for you. I've attached the 3 drawings I drew for you and the video for you.

I LOVE YOU, JACKLYN!!!!!!! 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

:)

Anyway, the video will be on my YT channel,
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler?feature=mhum, shortly.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Lover. :-* 
Christian.}}

{{collapsible
|The three drawings, NSFW
|<center>
<gallery>
File:UngaWungaTime.jpg
File:WetFunCircleTime.jpg
File:CirclingOnJackie.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 4:32pm

Let me give you the other photos featured in the video as well.}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 5:51pm

In the set of photos I sent you, I left in absent-mindedly the left-out Photo of how I would feel if you left me, which was set at the End of the slideshow. Please disregard that one photo.}}

{{Email|September 13, 2010 - 6:53pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you so much for making that video for me!! It was so sweet, I saw the bouncy energy you put into it. The way you just shouted at the top of your lungs your feelings for me, I can tell you weren't holding back. I look forward to actually getting to experience all these things for real on our first date.

But it wasn't all perfect. I'm kind of sad, Chris, because you missed some key parts here. I specifically asked you before not to use video games when trying to show your affections for me. Remember? I mean, I don't get why you couldn't show the whole date with drawings. That's why I gave you like four days to do it. And you didn't even take the time to make a new little big planet level just for me either, you just recycled one you already used for that other girl [[Kacey]]. Which even then you had taken from ANOTHER girl, [[Julie]]. I found it here: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|<nowiki>http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Rescuing_Kacey_From_Christian_W_Chandler</nowiki>]]

So, some good, some bad, but all in all I think I'd like you to redo the video for me. Actually, scratch that, you shouldn't redo this one. I think I have a better idea for something new I'd like to see. You know how Halloween is coming up? Well, it's still a few weeks away, but it's my absolute FAVORITE holiday of the year. So you know what I'd love to see? I want you to dress up as a character for me on camera, and then write some of your own lyrics to "Mmm mmm mmm mmm" and sing it for me. Do you know the anime [[Dragonball Z]]? I used to love that show when I was a little kid. I mean, I know it's like a boy's show, but whatever, I thought it was really cool. So you know what I would absolutely LOVE to see? I want to see [[Song for Jackie.MOV|you dressed as my favorite character, Mr. Popo]]!! He was always so cute and cuddly, you remind me so much of him! :) Do you know how to do facepainting? I found a tutorial website that can show you here: http://www.diylife.com/2008/04/02/how-to-face-paint/
Although it's not hard, you'd just be painting your face a single color, no weird designs or anything. Do you have facepainting supplies? I think they sell them at any art store.

So basically, the costume would be a black face with red lips, and a sleeveless vest, and a turban on your head (you could wrap a towel around your head for that). I attached a picture of him, his look is pretty simple. And then you could sing me your song. Ooh, ooh, and then after that, there's one more little song I'd love for you to sing for me, too, it's from my favorite Dragonball movie where Mr. Popo says it. It goes like this:

You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle, 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this. 
You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this.

It's short, just sing that to a happy tune. Ooh, I'm so excited Chris!! If you're Mr. Popo, maybe I can go as Bulma when Halloween really comes. ;) ;) Anyway, I'd love to see this by Thursday at 9:00pm, okay?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 14, 2010 - 1:42pm

I am happy to hear that you get my feelings for you, and that you liked the video, all things considered. And I understand your concerns of the LBP Level recycle; it was and still is my idea of a fun date; I am open for ideas on a better fantasy date, and with those details, I would be most happy to put a new level of it together just for you, and draw more drawings to go with it. With the [[Things Chris has ripped off|limited ideas]] of mine for a fantasy date, I felt lack of drawing inspiration, because they were just too simple and trite to me. Plus I did get the inspiration to draw the best circle jerkin' drawing I was able to picture in my head for you. With that, I do apologize for the short number of drawings in the video.

As for Mr. Popo, consider that done. :D Speaking of face painting, while restoring the photos I had originally on my PS3 from my backup cards, I found the photo of myself with the face paint I did for [[JuggaloShoutOut|the Juggalo video]]; it is attached. I used paint from my collection of acrylic paints for the job. I'll wear a black t-shirt under my vest, and I do have a clean white towel here. I'll get the lyrics for Mmm X4 from a search, and perhaps I can put Popo's song within the lyric rewrite, right after the Mmms.

The Halloween together sounds great. :D Do you have information on a party event we would go to? You would be able to pull off Bulma great. I am going to do Popo for you now, but when Halloween comes, I would feel better dressing up as [[Wikipedia:Vegeta|Vegeta]] to better match your costume. After all, I have watched the series too, and Vegeta and [[Wikipedia:Bulma|Bulma]] were a couple, got married and gave birth to [[Wikipedia:Trunks (Dragon Ball)|Trunks]] (and a daughter as well, but her name escapes me at the moment).

On another note, the console selling is going slow at the moment; my new acquaintance is not getting replies to the post he put up from any interested people. He will call me when he does; he has my number. But I am going to go ahead and put my Sega consoles onto [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], complete with photographs. And if I don't sell them before [[October 2010|October]] comes around, I will still dedicate $150 of the [[tugboat]] for our dates, me coming to meet you, etc. I'll let you know the final details later, and you and I will put together a meet date.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Sweet and Safe, Sweetest Love. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 14, 2010 - 4:45pm

Hey Chris!

Don't have much time to talk now, but I just want to say I'm really excited to see the Mr. Popo video! Actually, I'd love to see the Mr. Popo lyrics separately from the CTD song, just because Mmm x4 has kind of a slower, somber tone and I don't know if the Mr. Popo song could really work into it; it needs a peppier, fast cheery tune.

And I saw your craigslist ads for your old consoles too, I hope those sell quickly. I'm sure there are collectors out there or something who will be interested. Well, anyway, can't wait to see the video. I'll write more later!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 2:53pm

I was successful in rewriting the song to match our relationship well. No rhymes; it's freeverse. I typed in the lyrics at the bottom of this e-mail. I attached the photo of my face looking like Mr. Popo, and I will start upload of the video shortly after I finish this message.

I've put Popo's bit at the end during the "Ahhhhhs". I've also added another fun item I think you'll enjoy. Reference [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_X_episodes#Season_1:_2003-2004|Episode 8]] of "[[Sonic X]]", Original Japanese Dialogue, this purple, furry dude was entertaining [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cream the rabbit|Cream]] and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cheese the Chao|Cheese]] with a "Good Morning" song. Look up his song and dance on [[YouTube]].
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYskMdSiFn4&feature=related

Also, another topic of interest that has just come up among the fresh e-mail batch. Do you know a [[Wikipedia:Fight Club|Robert Paulson]] <billman198@googlemail.com>? He has surprised me with some trash talk of he being your boyfriend and some shit-talk aimed at me. And he attached a possibly photoshopped [[Nudes|photograph]] of you to the e-mail. I want you to know that I am only surprised, and I am not believing what he is saying. I only ask for your honest feedback to verify this individual. I'm keeping a cool head.

And, on the Good News, I may have a customer who will buy ALL of the Sega Consoles from me; he called me from his 434 Cell Phone (he lives in the 504 area code). Currently, he plans on stopping by my house to purchase tomorrow afternoon, but I will wait until I have the money in my hands before I start making mutual plans with you to meet you and all the good stuff. I cut him a deal for buying all of the stuff at once; $120. With the $14 I made the other day from my [[Nintendo|Game Boy Color]], I feel this will make things equal; making the equal amount of money as before. I may get another offer for the whole bunch, but if I do before this dude comes along, I'll insist on full price or higher offer, and I'll let the first dude know about that as well. He's getting the consoles for his children.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian

Song for you - "Heavenly Matched Love"

Once there was this boy who 
Was born with some [[autism]] and yet made [[gal-pals|a few friends]] 
But after his [[High School]] years 
He lost his friends and was [[troll]]-tortured 
By bullies who were jealous 
of his [[Money|material things]]

Mmms

Once there was [[Jackie|this girl]] who 
Continued to have friends long after her High School 
She could have had her pick of men 
Then she found the wayward, lost boy 
They matched up very well 
Heavenly Matched Love

Mmms

And both girl and boy were glad 
'Cause they both saw each others eyes

They both thought of each other 
They had enjoyed each others company sweetly 
Roller coaster ecstacy 
In [[CWCville|fantasy]] their dates were simple 
They look to be married and 
Have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|girl]]

Mmms

"Ain't no Saiyans on a fiddle, No Saiyans on a fiddle like this." X2 
"Asande hahe swa, wowo-haya-hoo!" X2}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 3:10

I've just took a look on the Troll Forum for a possible link to this Robert; their last post on there was made yesterday on one page. It seemed to be only talk of raping you, and one of getting [[Greene County]] to ban you from entering county lines (yeah right, like they are going to [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban someone]] they don't know without a good reason or evidence).
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=103

I just wanted to warn you, so you can be careful to try to avoid these people in real life. I have faith and trust in you being true to me and keeping our relationship strong. I will not stand down in our relationship either.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 4:38pm

Hey Chris!

So, I guess we have a few thing to talk about here.

First of all, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|that video]] wasn't good. In fact... It was AMAZING!!!!! I can't believe you made that so well!!! I was soo happy to see my favorite Mr. Popo, you brought me back to my childhood. Thank you so much sweetie!

Secondly, as far as the trolls go, I'm not terribly worried. I can take care of myself. I'll just keep an eye over my shoulder from now on. But really, I doubt they're going to do anything.

Thirdly, I don't know who that Robert Paulson is. He isn't my ex-boyfriend. I think you should ignore him and not listen to his bullshit. But that picture is me... well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it... but I did have an ex-boyfriend, [[Lars]], to whom I once sent some nude pictures of myself, that's where that picture this guy sent you came from. But even though we had a really bad breakup and this was years ago, he promised me he would delete all his pictures of me. But obviously he lied. There's no other way those pictures of me could have gotten onto the [[internet]]. That bastard... To be honest, this worries me a lot more than some trolls threatening to [[rape]] me. I feel so betrayed. We broke up because we weren't right for each other, but I had no idea he could sink this low. Now I have to worry about him. I don't know what I can do about Lars... He was my first love. I thought I would never love anyone again when I was with him, and after he broke my heart I thought I would never love anyone again. It took me a long time to build myself back up and become able to feel agian after that.

Lars you bastard, wherever you are, you won't get away with this... I don't know how, but I'll find a way to make him suffer for this...

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Well anyway, let me get to something more positive. Since school is ramping up and I won't have any time to come visit for a few weeks. But I've been having a lot of fun with seeing what you can do lately, and I have some good news: I managed to arrange an extended break from school starting on November 1st (the [[Wikipedia:Day of the Dead|Dia de los Muertos]]). Although I'd love to see you so badly right this minute, it's just not not doable right away. So until then, Christian, I present to you....

Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest! :D

Starting October 1st I want you to count down the days with me until we meet by posting a new video of you on youtube everyday. But, it doesn't have to be anything really big. Just a 30 second blurb is perfection as it gives me a chance to see you, fresh faced, every day! I want to be with you so badly Christian and this will be like practice for me. Seeing you, every day, doing fun things! 1 video a day, for a total of 31 days, the last video being on the 31st of October, Halloween. For each video I want you do something different. I want you dress up as a different cute character! Get it? Halloween every day!! Yay!!! Any character you want to be - one of your sonichu characters maybe, or an anime or movie character, and make the costume however you like - who you choose to be and what you do for it will teach me more about you and what you like.

And during each video I want you to share a different piece of information about you with me. But, I want this information to be secrets or details you've never shared with anyone else. It doesn't have to be anything that big or unique, it can just be something little about your life. I want us to have no secrets between us sweetest! And this will be us being open, honest and having fun!!! Don't hide anything Chris, you should be proud of who you are - be true and honest!! In return, when we meet on November 1st… I will give myself to you. I don't wait any more, Chris. I want to give my being AND my body all to you! My Dad will pay for my hotel so we can go there and get dirty between the sheets together! Can you imagine?? How cool is that!!

However, you must must must do a video a day. If you miss a day or skip, the contest ends and you loose :( And then we have to wait to have sexy time because I'll need to think harder about things… but I don't want to think! Thinking is hard! The only hard thing I want in my life is YOU my darling Cripple doo!

Soooo, ready to play??? I know I am! xoxo

Jackie

P.S. Hey, since the contest won't start for about two weeks, in the meantime, how are your other drawings going? Have you picked [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] back up, or are you working on any other comic ideas? Ooh, could you make a little video for me? Make a video of yourself giving a little tour of your bedroom? I know about what one side of your room looks like from your recent videos, but I'd love to see like a 360 tour of your [[room]], all the stuff in it, your closet, your wardrobe, and so forth. Show me the significant things in your room and give me little backstories about where you got them and such. I really want to feel like I'm one with you, Chris. So when I first set foot into your room I'll feel like I've been there forever. :D If you have anything naaaaughty to share with me… then would be the time, too! Tell me about how we'll snuggle up in your bed and cuddle and wiiiiggle. heeheee! xox}}

{{succession
|label = [[Jackie E-mails]]
|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 13]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 15]]
|bgcolor = #ffdddd
|bordercolor = #ff00ff
|textcolor = #000000
}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 14]]