CWCki - User contributions [en]

26 December 2014

2021-09-05T05:57:21Z

Rader627: /* See also */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|[[It's UGH!|Ugh!!!]] I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|Chris's justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A {{w|Orange Is the New Black|hit new}} show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''' was one of the more eventful days of Chris's life, certainly since [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduating high school]]. Essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again, the date found Chris [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once more for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] at [[The GAMe PLACe|a video game store]], this time with {{w|pepper spray}}.<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref> On 15 [[October 2015]] he was finally found guilty of a misdemeanor charge, and received a six-month suspended sentence and a $541 fine.

==Synopsis==
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, seconds before the assault.]]
By the time of his arrest, Chris had already been engaging in various [[Sonic Boom Protests|acts of protest]], mainly vandalism, in an attempt to force local retailers to stop selling ''Sonic Boom''. As a result, he had already been banned from every [[GameStop]] within driving distance of his [[Rental House|temporary home]]. Nevertheless, on the day after Christmas, on a trip to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] (from which he may have already been banned) with his mother, Chris visited the GameStop outlet.

At the time, the Boxing Day shift was in full swing, and the mall was crowded with people. [[Yellow-Shirted Foe|The Assistant Manager]] just so happened to be on this shift when Chris arrived.

While he claimed it was to purchase some ''Skylanders'' merchandise, it doesn't really matter what possessed him to go there; staff said they'd already caught him vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise and had banned him accordingly. They had been on the lookout for him, suggesting this wasn't the first time he tried to return after being banned. Furthermore, knowing Chris's penchant for [[List of Chris's lies|lying unconvincingly]], committing further acts of vandalism may indeed have been his real agenda that day.

Whatever the truth, he entered the store wearing a pair of purple ''[[My Little Pony]]''-[[Chris and brand loyalty|branded]] [[Chris and fashion|sunglasses designed for little girls]], apparently as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]. Naturally, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. After arguing with staff, he strode towards the store entrance, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" Just before he left, he brandished a pink can of pepper spray, and sprayed the assistant manager (or "[[Manajerks|Ass Manager]]," as Chris would later call him). The employee was later confirmed to be unharmed, although he did leave work after the incident.

Most of the information on what happened in the next hour comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner (below), and many details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police talked with Barbara, who was still at the mall, eating, meaning Chris left his elderly mother behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Chris was arrested on the same day, at home.

On 28 [[December 2014|December]], a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the GameStop's assistant manager would be pressing charges. After his weekend in jail, Chris was charged with his Class 6 felony, posted the $2,500 bail, and was released on recognizance.

== Police Scanner Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:archiveorg|cwcgamestopbroadcastify.com}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Sonic Boom|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
{{collapsible

|Transcript|

[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with Christopher Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number [''unintelligible'']

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Old cop:''' ''????'' Rock Creek road ''???'' there's a car [''unintelligible'']' white ''?'' roaming in the area ''????'' he said might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the book, see if we have anything in the area.

'''9:50'''

'''?:''' ''???'' 1042, are you at the mall?

'''1042'''''?:'' Yeah, I'm ''???''

[''unintelligible'']

'''Old cop:''' Suspect is a Chris Chandler; white male with long brown hair ''?????'' right now ''???''

'''?:''' Copy that ''???''

'''?:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Old cop:''' ''???'' He's a white male wearing a pink ''?'' skirt-

'''?:''' Yellow.

'''Old cop:''' ''???'' and two pairs of glasses.

'''?:''' Alright '''???''

'''14:00'''

'''?:''' I got nothin', ''Shawn? ???''

'''15:00'''

'''?:''' [''unintelligible''] He said we have a small white cab in that area [''unintelligible'']

'''Female cop:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''?:''' He said he was gonna go check on it [''unintelligible'']

'''Female cop:''' [''numbers'']

'''?:''' [''unintelligible'']

[''mostly unintelligible or dead air'']

'''17:45'''

'''?:''' I'll check the immediate area [''unintelligible''] 29-1 ''???''

[''mostly unintelligible or dead air'']

'''20:14'''

'''?:''' ''???'' just follow the suspect [''unintelligible''] maybe still in the mall ''???''

[''mostly unintelligible or dead air'']

'''22:58'''

'''?:''' Eaaahh, ''???'' for a second ''???'' see if he's still in the parking lot. He probably got into the parking lot. ''???''

[''mostly unintelligible or dead air'']

'''25:00'''

'''?:''' 2-12 all units, so the mall security is gonna spread out, they know who he is. [''unintelligible'']

[''mostly unintelligible or dead air'']

'''27:15'''

'''Female cop:''' ''???'' security footage of ''???'' subject. ''Description ?''.

'''?:''' Yes they are, we can usually use that as video camera access. I'm not sure if mall security is notified of ''?''
}}

==monozettai's Account==
[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|300px|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]
[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|300px|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]
The Internet learned of the above drama when Tumblr user "monozettai" uploaded an on-the-scene video (below).<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref> In the short clip, Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by macing a man who is clearly not threatening Chris in any way. It later became viral and one of the most-viewed videos in Christory. Notably, Chris did nothing to get the video taken down, either because he was unaware of its existence or aware of the {{w|Streisand effect}}.

After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December,<ref name=forum/> monozettai's inbox was flooded with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say:

{{quoteboxred|I was in [[Gamestop]] looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the ''Sonic Boom'' games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color,” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the ''Sonic Boom'' and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

{{clear}}

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|[[Chris and negotiation|Negotiation]]}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| shirt = The Manly Chester
| previous = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]
}}
{{quote|Don't call anybody!}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away and raise his arms, probably in an attempt to wipe or rub his now maced eyes. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy 2... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Ass Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

==Chris's Account==
[[File:Ween13.png|thumb|right|250px|[[Chris and Reality|Oh, really?]]]]
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, [[Chris and his ego#Persecution complex|meeting everyone's expectations]].}}
Soon after his release from the pokey, Chris rushed to his keyboard to perform damage control. Not surprisingly, he refused to admit any fault. Bizarrely, while he claimed ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, he also admitted that he had sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident. He also tried to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, even though the footage does not support this claim, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see. Even his [[white knights]] condemned his actions. It seemed that this time around, everyone was against him.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new ''Sonic Boom'' video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local [[GameStop]]s (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the ''Sonic Boom'' Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF ''SONIC BOOM'' GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of [[December 2014|December]] to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR ''Sonic Boom'' Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the [[Fashion Square]] [[GameStop]], and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New [https://www.skylanders.com/characters/blastermind Skylander Figure: Blastermind]. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this [[MALE]] Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Sensory Overload|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

==The Charges==
[[File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|thumb|left|Chris' charges]]
This was the case against Chris, according to the [https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Albermarle General District Court].

{{quotebox|CHARGE: DANGEROUS GAS UNLAWFUL RELEASE (§ 18.2-312. Illegal use of tear gas, phosgene and other gases.) "If any person maliciously release or cause or procure to be released in any private home, place of business or place of public gathering any tear gas, mustard gas, phosgene gas or other noxious or nauseating gases or mixtures of chemicals designed to, and capable of, producing vile or injurious or nauseating odors or gases, and bodily injury results to any person from such gas or odor, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 3 felony.

"If such act be done unlawfully, but not maliciously, the offending person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony."<ref>Code of Virginia: http://leg1.state.va.us/000/src.htm</ref>}}

For a Class 6 felony conviction, Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500,<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> in addition to all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

The 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously." Chris was fortunate to avoid the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which deals with malicious intent, and carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. The law allowed Chris to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence, with probation, counseling, anger management and/or community service in lieu of jail time. Ultimately, this is essentially how it turned out.

Having squandered [[Bob]]'s inheritance on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the [[28 October 2011]] incident, Chris was forced this time around to work with a public defender.

==Chris Returns to the Front==
On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms exposed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] on that date, and threatened to use his mace again. This was soon afterwards confirmed by Chris himself, who indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "[[Chris and his ego|badass]]." This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceived himself as invincible so long as he could issue credible threats. It was seen as a disturbing indicator that Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability, previously confined to the comics, had [[Chris and reality|seeped into his conscious psyche]].

On 11 January, Chris posted the following to his Facebook account, once again painting himself as the victim and wishing that people would like him, despite his past actions. He argued that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''. The post also addresses the completely unrelated issue regarding Chris's sexual identity, and frustration that he was not addressed by feminine pronouns (which he had only just started to use).

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the [[Death|deaths]] of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or [[stare]] in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

==Subsequent court hearings==
[[File:Hearing schedule.png|left|thumb|400px|Chris's hearing schedule.]]
Chris had seven hearings related to this case, stretching into the autumn of 2015, before finally receiving a conviction.<ref>https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1434991317603&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003</ref> His fans were frustrated at the slow pace of justice.

===29 December Hearing===
At the video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on bond. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge had placed a no-contact order on Chris as part of his bail conditions.<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#A No-Contact Order Apparently Goes Both Ways]]</ref>

===5 February Hearing===
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after their 5 February hearing.]]
His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief, as the Chandlers appeared to have been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing and thereby pissing off the court by holding up the next case. Footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court, the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

Zeonista's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-16#post-527528]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|I sat in the back of the courtroom, since I was trying really hard to be inconspicuous, but as a result of that it was hard for me to hear much of anything. I can't give you much in the way of specific dialogue... Rammspieler (at least, the person I believe was him) had a better vantage point, so expect more from him there.

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Chris looked pretty nervous while he was waiting for things to get started. He was fidgeting a lot and kept leaning over to ask her questions. I'm pretty sure I heard him ask "Do you think we should tell them about our troll problems?" once, which made me smile inside.

They called Chris up pretty quickly - his case was one of the first ones to go through. Naturally, even though there were 2 or 3 female PDs in the courtroom, Chris got the one BRUTE MALE of the lot. He was summoned as "Mr. Chandler," which I doubt he liked much. I heard the PD make a brief comment about Chris' appearance, but didn't hear exactly what was said.

The PD, Chris, and the judge spoke with each other for about 2 minutes, and eventually the ruling was for a continuation on April 2nd. The two of them left the courtroom, only to come back in about a minute or two later, with Chris chiding his mother. "What were you thinking, Barbara Ann?" I guess Barb had already forgotten the date of the next hearing, or maybe she thought they needed to come back later in the day for something. Anyway, she and Chris spoke to the PD for another minute or two. I heard the PD say this to them: "I said you're free to go... Yes, it's April 2nd. April 2nd, I can write that down for you if you want." He looked just a little annoyed, because even this short exchange was enough to hold things up. Chris and Barb were blocking the middle of the courtroom while this was happening, and the judge had to ask them to move out of the way so the next guy up could get through.

The two of them left a little while later. All Chris had to say on his way out was "Welp," accompanied by a stress sigh.}}

Rammspieler's write-up:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chris-eater-commences.7535/page-22#post-528260]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
Despite the continuance of the case until April 2nd, I'm glad to have been there and have been in the presence of Manbaby and Barb themselves. I wish I was a better videographer/photographer and had taken better shots of them, all I got was a video of them leaving court as well as a video of 14 BC.

I'm also glad that Zeonista posted and filled in for the details I wasn't able to pick up on. But the truth is that it was a very "active" courtroom and everybody was moving around and whispering to each other, so it is possible that I may have misheard some things.

Anyway, I got there like at 8:50 and after taking off my fucking studded belt and fishing keys out of my pocket to pass the metal detector, I finally sat myself down in the courtroom. But still no sign of Chris. In fact, I was almost expecting him to be a no show. I started jotting down my notes and everything, when I look up, wondering of he wasn't coming, when I hear close to me a VERY FAMILIAR VOICE. I look to my right, and sitting in the bench in front of meat the very end of it, I saw him. My face just lit up and I knew right then and there that the trip was worth it. This is the closest thing I'll ever experience to having met a movie star is basically my sentiment. And right in front of me was a woman whom at first I thought was either his attorney or even Rocky Shoemaker. I was wondering whom she was for the longest until, his PD showed up and asked to speak with her son. So confirmed Snorlax. Also, he didn't seem to be too pleased with the PD referring to him as male.

I can confirm what Zeonista saw and heard and indeed he was in full tomgirl attire. Ridiculous blue eyeshadow and all. Barb's red overcoat was covered in animal fur so I guess they must have pets. I can also confirm his constant sighing and nervousness. He couldn't stop shaking his leg. He also bore the same expression that he was wearing for his mugshot. He was obviously Stressed and displeased! There was even a moment when he kinda turned around and looked at me with what seemed to be suspicion. Was I that obvious? The guy with the faux vintage Star Wars Episode IV Hong Kong movie poster shirt and the notepad, writing down everything?

Like I said, it was a relatively noisy courtroom, so I couldn't catch the gist of most of the whispering. But I did catch him asking Barb that the PD and the judge should be made aware of the "troll problem". Like Zeonista, I couldn't help but smile. But he then went on in what seemed to be a rant about misogyny and misogynists. I guess he was hoping that the MALE judge wouldn't be such. What really called my attention was the way they carried on. If you didn't know they were mother and son, you could swear that they looked like a really creepy Cougar/Cub romantic relationship. The way they held each others backs, to him telling her "I love you". I was also able to notice that he was wearing a graduation ring. I guess from his high school? I couldn't make out the letters, but the stone was purple. He then said something about hoping that "he wasn't a chicken" and Barb replied that "he" won't be. I guess they were talking about the lawyer. Speaking of...

The PD was this handsome, lean dude in his mid to late 20's. Had curly hair and a trimmed beard. If you took off his suit and left his glasses on, he would make a great hipster at some microbrewery. The reason why I at first assumed that they hired him was because I noticed in Chris' Lego notebook a business card with a written phone number and the name of what looked to be "Max Rippoli" I knew it was Italian and the judge did utter a similar surname when telling Chris that said person couldn't defend him. The first name was definitely "Max" though. Barb's advice for Chris when in the Stand was to stand up straight and smile. Anyway, once the judge granted the continuance, I took that as my cue to leave and stand by to take visuals. So while I was outside, turning my phone on and trying to get the camera to work was when Zeonista witnessed what took place after I left and before they left.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Barb coming out of court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mPhK5X_Fmko}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

'''Transcript'''

(Wind loudly blows making voices hard to hear)

Chris: "The first Thursday in April I think it said. Mmm, oh, is that April 2nd?"

===2 April Hearing===
[[File:Cwcap.png|thumb|Chris entering court on April 2.]]
Chris began to attend his hearings alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the last hearing. It began 20 minutes early and was over within minutes. In fact Chris left the courtroom before Christorians made it through security, so no one knows what, if anything, actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance, and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. The account from forum member lipitor:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|We got down here took some pics of Christorical locations, those will come later. So we're heading to the courthouse and decide to stop at [[mcdonalds]] on the way (not the [[ruckersville]] one across from [[walmart]]), because it was on 29 toward [[c-ville]]. As we pull in we see a blue ford focus with the license plate "Sonichu". Brand new-ish too. Probably nicer than my car. It totally looked more like a [[Transformers|decepticon]] than an autobot just for the record. My bud decides well, guess im going in for coffee. I stayed in the car. I'll let him tell you what he saw in there. I was sitting in the car when he came out. He was wearing those stupid my little pony sunglasses carrying two cups of coffee. He had a black cardigan thing on I think, but what was more noticable ''[sic]'' was his striped dress, it looked like someone stole the curtains from a freshman girl's dorm room and sewed it together haphazardly. It gave him noticable trouble when walking. He was wearing some type of lace up boots that were sort of high heels but not really, probably didnt help with the walking. He didn't seem to realize that in a dress his gait couldnt stride as wide and kept almost falling over and stumbling when his feet landed. Barb was strangely absent. He fucked around his car and went for the trunk. He pulled out one of those things for wiping your windshield, looked stolen from a gas station. I dont think he did anything with it just took it out and fumbled with it, put it back.

HeyyyJackiepie came out just as he was getting back in his car. We tried to lose him, but ended up taking turns following each other. Chris swerved out of the way of a crow in the street without looking into another lane. We just drove up to the crow like normal people and it flew away last minute, like they always do. We tried to lose him continually or at least tried to trail or get ahead of him but we were like right next to each other the same time. We took a wrong turn and lost him. We found a spot where you are actually allowed to park near the courthouse. (see Heyyyjackiepie's comment if you want to get that joke). He parked in nearly the same spot he did last time. He just sat there in his car, seemed like he was playing a game on his phone or some shit. He sat in there for nearly 30 minutes. We wanted to go in after him so we just waited in front of the door. From behind me I hear a string of like 9 stress sighs in a row. I turn around to see him. He had removed the MLP glasses and wore his normal ones now. Could see he was wearing nearly the same tights he did last time. We gave it a minute so he could go in and sit down. We go in there and he's just standing there at the metal detector. He had so much fucking jewelry to remove. like bracelets and necklaces it took forever for him to get them off. The clerk at the metal detector rolled his eyes at him while he was doing it. After he got done he just sat down in a chair in front of the court room but not in it. He was stress sighing and looking around nervously. God he really does stress sigh a lot. With great self discipline I was able to restrain my laughter. He looks more like a nerdy kid than woman or tranny up close. He looks like a teenager whose trying out an outlandish style for attention, but not totally confident in it or aware of what style is.

Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just sat down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know.}}

The skinny according to heyyyJackiePie:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633832]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|Girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages,
This is my account of what happened today. First thing’s first: Chris was granted a continuance according to the Charlottesville General District Court website. We were unable to confirm what happened when we were there, but we will explain. But, although we didn’t actually observe Chris being called up in Court in front of the judge, we had multiple sightings of Chris and some pictures and a video which will be upload this evening. This is really long and contains several details, but I’d rather tell you guys everything that happened.

The day started out with a visit to the Ruckersville McDonalds where we captured some pictures of the nearby Wal-Mart, and [[Burger King]] – yes, the one Bob had breakfast at every day. We have plenty of pictures and videos with multiple angles and went inside for a coffee. It’s a small McDonalds and quite modern. There were a group of old men gathered around talking which seemed to be a regular meet up. I wonder if Bob had a similar group of friends at Burger King?

We continued down 29 and stopped by 14 Branchland and took multiple pictures from multiple angles. The house no longer has that red front like it used to so it wasn’t what I expected. In the “driveway” [[Barb]]’s {{w|BMW Z3|Z-3}} had a tarp half way over it implying it’s not regularly (read: ever) used. There was also the blue van too. But no blue Ford Focus. Chris was not there. The yard is what you would expect: disgusting and unkempt. We got some pictures of Patti’s doghouse with some writing on it “Patti Chandler rests here” or something. We drove by so many times doing drive by photography that we started to get paranoid and just got the hell out of there. We have plenty and plenty of pictures we will upload.

Being that Chris was not there and it was about 8am, this means that Chris could only be at one place… McDonalds. Although he regularly frequents the Ruckersville McDonalds, it is not on the way to Charlottesville so I speculated there was a 50/50 chance he was at the McDonalds about 5-7 minutes farther down 29 on the way to Charlottesville. We went past it and decided to U-turn to check it out really quickly. We saw a blue car and got excited, but we knew it would be too good to be true. There was a line of cars going through the drive-through blocking it from plain view, but we slowly pulled in to the McDonalds parking lot with a lot of excitement. We knew the only way to confirm was to see the license plate. As we slowly pulled up near his car, we saw “SONICHU” on his license plate and we both shouted like teenage girls as if One Direction just came out on stage. My heart was racing. This was it. This is it. This is not a drill. This will be something that comes up throughout this post, but we were super paranoid at this point and unsure whether to go in. What if he saw us? What if he was suspicious? I didn’t come this far to pussy out so I went in. I quickly identified him and immediately veered right into the bathroom. I pissed out all the coffee I drank up til then and mentally prepared myself. I am not exaggerating but I was feeling several emotions at once… excitement, thrill, paranoia, anxiety. I waited in line to order a coffee… the line was very long and I was hoping, hoping he wouldn’t leave. I finally got a coffee and sat directly behind him. He was alone, but had two drinks, so I suspected Barb was in the bathroom pooping. His hair was long and gangly and he looked similar to his current Facebook profile picture. He wore these multi-colored grotty tennis shoes and a long skirt. I don’t know women’s fashion, but it was like a skirt that went down to his shins. It was definitely a female thing and had these weird multi colors. It was obviously bought at the thift store. He also wore a black atlhletic-like jacket which seemed somewhat normal. I noticed he had blueish eyeliner or mascara that was clumsily applied. He was filling out a crossword puzzle in the newspaper and was quiet. There were tons of people in the McDonalds, but I still sneaked a picture of him from the back. It would have been impossible to take a picture from the front and I didn’t want to blow our cover before the hearing. After 7 minutes or so, he stress sighed as he got up. YES! I heard a stress sigh! I felt so happy inside. It sounded just like all his videos. I tried to get some video of him as I walked out to my car so I put my phone in my pocket and hit record to film a video with the camera lens sticking out. Unfortunately my phone slid into my pocket though so didn’t get anything L.

What happened next made us paranoid as hell again. On the way to the courthouse, it was like there was nothing we could do to not be directly behind him. We waited about 3 minutes after he left McDonalds and of course ended up directly behind him at the first traffic light. Just with the flow of traffic, we literally followed him to the courthouse and got some more video. We finally got to the courthouse and positioned ourselves basically where the guy who did the youtube video of him exiting the courthouse was standing. Chris stayed in his car for… it must have been twenty minutes. So we looked like the biggest bunch of suspicious dumbasses waiting around the front area while he was in his car. He couldn’t see us directly though. As time went on, we became so fucking paranoid that we thought Chris might have called the police of 911. The thinking was if he called 911 to report shovel mech, he definitely would have done it if he was suspicious of two [[Jerk|MALES]]. So we started to walk away. Lipitor finally talked some sense into me. But right as we started walking, he started approaching the courthouse! I whipped out my phone pretending to be on a phone call while recording. I will upload it later and it’s not great, but there are a few moments where you can clearly see what he was wearing and him walking in. We also heard the loudest fucking stress sigh ever made. We were seriously like 30 yards away and heard this and started laughing. We walked in to the courthouse a few minutes later and FUCK MY LIFE he is going through security right in front of us. He was literally a few feet away from us. We panicked and went to the bathroom. After another coffee piss, I saw he was sitting on a bench right in front of the door to go into the courtroom which is immediately after you get through security. There was no way we were going near him at this point. So we waited another 3-4 minutes in the lounge area. We finally went through security when we noticed he wasn’t on the bench. After we get through security, the courtroom door flung open and he came out!… FUCK MY LIFE AGAIN. He walked right by us AGAIN. As we opened the courtroom door, he said to the jerkop at the metal detector “Well, got that over with quickly” and left. WTF. It’s 9:10am and his hearing was at 9:30. We waited in the courtroom for a few minutes, but decided to leave as we were completely confused. His car was still outside so we thought maybe he would come back in around 9:30am. We went back to the courtroom decided to wait. I know this sounds like a stupid move, but there were so many people coming in and out that no one paid attention and the courtroom was really noisy It was honestly like people coming in and out of a Starbucks. We listened to a few people go up, but it was impossible to tell what was happening and you couldn’t even hear their names despite being in the front row. We finally left at 9:45am and his car was still outside. We circled the block to get a better view while staying out of sight, but his car was gone when we got back. I noticed he parked in a spot with a sign the read “Parking for Judges Only”. Clear as fucking day. Entitled cunt. For the rest of the day, we’re going to hit all the major stops and get some photos. We’re also going to upload a photo to prove we’re not making this up.}}

<center><gallery>
File:ChrisatMcDs2.jpg|Chris in the McDonald's parking lot before the hearing.
File:ChrisatMcDs.jpg|Chris at McDonald's.
File:14bc215.jpg|Home sweet home.
</gallery></center>

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Hearing (4-2-15)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FI9INA16FaQ}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===7 May Hearing===
True to the predictions of many, this hearing resulted in another continuance, until 11 June. It lasted longer than the previous one. Chris was again spied at [[McDonalds]] before the hearing. Forum member lipitor's account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/trials-and-tribulations.9677/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Maybe you've seen the picture maybe you haven't but Chris's court room outfit was absolutely ridiculous. It was a girl scout green/teal color and cut worn over a white t-shirt. The cut was just above the knees. Christian wore dirty old sneakers with old gym socks with this. He also had a matching hat that was the same color as his dress. It looked like something an old lady would wear to church. You could tell by his face that he thought he looked cute as shit while wearing that hat, but he looked like a fucking moron. He didn't wear it inside the courthouse, even though women are allowed to wear hats inside.

The inside the courthouse is sort of set up like an old catholic church with pew seating. Christian sat near the front with his back to the side wall so he could scope everyone in there out. Saw him lock eyes on some dude and pull his phone out and text someone (more on who later). You're not allowed to have phones with cameras so he had a flip phone with him. It took fucking hours for them to finally get to his case. When they finally did he got very nervous. They kept calling him by both male and female pronouns at different times. They called him Chris/Christian/Christine and a couple of times Crystal (I know Crystal is his daughter, but apparently the judge accidentally called him that a few times, and I was in no position to correct the man). Christian didn't seemed phased by any of this and went with whatever name/pronoun used at the time. They talked forever and it was mostly just establishing what happened and what the charge was. So it was hard to hear, so the next part is a bit speculative. It sounded like the reason for the continuance was because they wanted Christian to see a shrink/counselor/whatever so they could do a mental health plea. They wanted him to go like right after court too. He seemed to agree to this at the time. Like I said I couldn't hear the exact details of what was going on so it might be a bit different. Feel free to sperg out over what all that means.

Here's the best part. On the way out my field agent was confronted by some lady. She asked the field agent what they were doing there and what their name was. She said she was a reporter. My field agent was like "yeah I'm not telling you that". She shifted tone and said she just wanted to buy my field agent a cup of coffee and hear his story...:stupid: She wanted to know why a community of people on the internet literally document everything in his life. An interview was declined...}}

===11 June Hearing===
This hearing was also quickly continued, until 23 July. The Christorian in attendance described Chris as uncharacteristically sociable and collected, perhaps because his forays in the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] have made him more comfortable around people. The account:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/6-11-court-hearing.10108/]]</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|
I attended the court hearing this morning....

Chris's hearing was to begin at 9:30. The courthouse opened for business at 9:00. I got there at 9:05, sat down, and realized Chris was already in the room, sitting across from me. Let me proffer the opinion that Chris passes as a woman. An ugly, frowsy, dumpy, old-fashioned, middle-aged woman to be sure, but there are many women like this, so therefore Chris passes. In a public setting like the courtroom, where you don't give people a close inspection, there would be no reason not to assume that the lump sitting over there was a woman. The five 0'clock shadow is easily visible from a distance, which would be your first clue that something was unusual.

He was wearing [[Chris and fashion|an aqua blue outfit with matching eyeshadow]]. Blue sweater, blue collared blouse with vertical stripes, blue skirt with vertical stripes, dark stockings. Everything matched well except for his grotty sneakers, which are blue but the wrong shade. He shouldn't have been wearing sneakers anyhow with this outfit. He had his typical ugly dark nail polish, two rings on his right hand, and some kind of multicolored bracelet on his left wrist. He had a headband, and his hair looked the way it has in all his recent photos. He wore his glasses. He had his black purse with all the jangly shit hanging off it. He was reading something; I couldn't tell what it was at first, but when he stood up it turned out to be the issue of {{w|Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair}} with [[Tomgirl|Ms. Caitlyn Jenner]] on the cover. He uses his index finger to help him read.

Chris has a weird body type. He's pudgy, but his forearms and ankles are really skinny, so the weight gathers in the center of his body. He looks kind of like{{w|Mr. Peanut}}. His breasts are as small as ever and there was zero evidence of gainz.

When I first arrived there was a middle-aged woman sitting next to him. I assumed she was his public defender, but as soon as the judge arrived (at the same time I did), she went up to speak with the judge and left the room. Before she left, Chris said to her, "I'm Christine, by the way." The woman introduced herself to Chris and said goodbye. So Chris had apparently initiated smalltalk. A few minutes later Chris did a little handwave to a female lawyer who walked in, who returned the wave. He seemed to be checking out every woman who entered the courtroom.

The judge stuck around for just a few minutes and left again. A cop went around the room to ask everyone, "Are you set for 9:30?" When she asked Chris, he said, "Huh?" She repeated the question, and Chris said, "Um, yeah, I believe so."

The courtroom is small and as other field agents have mentioned, the mood is relaxed and casual, or as much as it can be with seven jerkops hanging around and three guys in the front row with manacled ankles and wrists. The judge is a black woman. She handled one case regarding probation violation before 9:30, which was done very casually and informally, while the other lawyerfolk had quiet chats and shot the breeze with the sheriffs. For the most part everyone just sat around.

The main reason why I made the last-minute decision to attend was that he's been enraged about the new blarms game, and I was hoping he'd show up with a sign demanding justice for transsexuals or something equally dramatic. Chris's mood was entirely the opposite. He was self-contained, calm, and collected. He was not angry, stressed, or nervous. He was not fidgety. It was very hard to believe that this was the person who just the day before had expressed a public wish to beat up [[Sega]] executives. He sat and read his magazine. At one point something he was reading caught his interest and he said "Hm!" suddenly, causing the woman sitting next to him (a different one) to turn her head to look at him. He seemed somewhat bored. He yawned twice, loudly, putting his hand over his mouth, which struck me as rather self-indulgent and overly dramatic.

Around 9:40, after a couple quiet cases, they called "Christian Chandler." At this point the lawyer who had defended the probation violator walked over to Chris and escorted him to the front, revealing himself as the public defender. He is young, skinny, bearded, wore tweed. He seems like a good guy, pretty relaxed. He looks like he knows his way around a college debate tournament. Right then three lawyers decided to sit down right in front of me and hold a conference, making it difficult to hear what was said. It was apparent that the first words out of the judge's mouth was that there was a continuance. Chris asked a question. The judge said it would be dealt with at the next hearing, and that he should stay in touch with his lawyer. She and the lawyer wore big patronizing smiles. They treated him like a sensitive child. Their attitude was, "Everyone is your friend, no one wants to attack you." In the previous probation case, the judge was serious and all business, because she was speaking with an adult. Here, even though macing someone is also pretty serious business, she knew she was dealing with a special individual and it was pointless to deal with him normally. So Chris has basically already won over the judge. I predict that, for better or worse, he will receive psychological treatment and very little punishment.

Chris's attorney walked him out of the courtroom, and I followed them out. They hung out on the front porch for about a minute to cover some issues. He told Chris that for the next hearing, "Be a little early like you were today." Another lawyer, a pretty young woman, joined them, and she was also all smiles. Chris complimented her clothing, and she replied, "I like your color too."

Then Chris walked the 100 feet to the curb, and I realized that [[Son-Chu]] was sitting right there, shiny and new and as blue as Sonic's arms. Since there was some controversy earlier, let me clarify that Chris is not parking illegally. The handicapped spot is adjacent to the judge's spot, and the sign is clearly marked. Chris is legally allowed to park in the handicapped spot because of his [[autism|atismu]]. I had to pay five bucks to park in a garage two blocks away.

He sat in his car for about a minute, and then drove off.

For me the most remarkable thing was how much progress Chris has made in getting over his social anxiety. He was very eager to initiate contact with any pretty woman he saw. I think it's something he should be proud of--he's not the same guy who had to post a sign on the wall because of his [[noviophobia]]. This is actually a proven method for overcoming social anxiety--the more experience you have in talking to strangers, the easier it becomes. Of course, none of this will help him find a sweetheart, because while Chris is friendly, he's also immediately off-putting. He's instantly recognizable as a weirdo.}}

===23 July hearing===
Another continuance, until 15 October, although the Christorian in attendance noted something was said about going to a therapist. Aside from this, he noted that Chris [[Cakefarts|farted]] very loudly in the middle of court, accompanied by that signature [[Stress sigh|sigh]]. Unlike the three previous hearings which Chris attended alone, Barb and a middle-aged woman thought to be [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] were also there. The Christorian was also harassed by an [[White knight|unidentified young woman]] [[Allison Amber|in red]] who tried to prevent him from filming Chris and Barb outside (where he had every right to do so) and asked about his behavior.

The Christorian also revealed that he had been notified Chris [[Chris and reality|thought he (the Christorian) had been arrested]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Leaves Court 7/23/2015
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7RmLoJ7uki0}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris' Latest White Knight
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yZXipnejEQY}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===15 October Hearing===
The ''real deal'' - Chris was found guilty. As many had foreseen, however, he was let off lightly. The Class 6 felony charge of "Dangerous Gas Unlawful Release" was amended to a charge of "Assault (Misdemeanor)." He was fined $541 and received a suspended sentence of 180 days, a sentence he'll only have to serve if he runs afoul of the law during his probation period. The terms of his probation were not clear. Chris [[Sigh|sighed]] profusely as terms were discussed. Barb showed up this time. The field report from the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]:<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chriss-next-court-date-oct-15-2015.13242/page-22#post-1034829]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|
Barb's aging. Thin, kind of frail. Might not be very responsive.

In retrospect, I don't think Chris recognized anyone. There was the guy he exchanged words with, but going over my notes, it might've been just him being paranoid of someone.

There was an old lady behind Chris talking to him a few times. I don't think it was [[Rocky]].

Chris' outfit, from what I could see, was very funny. @Rammspieler might have a picture.

Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.

There was some guy with white hair and a white suit talking to Not-Rocky. Then the {{w|Public defender|PD}} came over and talked to Chris and Barb, with white-hair-guy and Not-Rocky in the row behind them. This is where I heard snippets referencing "six months" and something something something. I think I heard Chris stress sigh a few times and I think the PD got a little annoyed dealing with Chris. Not much, but I kinda sensed something like that. Maybe I imagined it.

After a bit, the PD went up to the judge and they called Chris up. Chris starts getting impatient with Barb. He said something like "are your ears clogged up??" and then "wanna follow me so you can hear what's going on?" Then she got up and trundled up there to accompany Chris.

This says a few things to me:

* Perhaps Barb's hearing is wearing down. This fits in with her being frail and old.

* Chris is being kind of bossy to Barb.

* Chris expects Barb to be his bookkeeper so far as his punishments go. This is confirming what we heard about at the Snyder trial.

Now, I couldn't hear anything they were saying up front. At this point, I didn't want to get hassled by Not-Rocky or whoever else was there, so I bailed and went to find Rammspieler.}}

[[File:Final Disposition .png|left|thumb|400px|Final disposition of the case.]]

Field agent Rammspieler released a video of Chris and Barb leaving the courthouse after the hearing:

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Saved By His Autism
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UzNJqFSDy7A}}
| stardate = 15 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

==Epilogue==
[[File:Chris burying his mace - credit to Crumbs.jpeg|thumb|Artist's depiction of Chris disposing of the pepper spray.]]
Chris's probation expired on 11 April 2016 and he paid his court costs of $541 on July 1 of that year.

A year after his assault crime, Chris commented on it in [[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers]]. He claimed to be [[Chris and remorse|remorseful]] of what he had done and implored GameStop and Fashion Square Mall to unban him. He then followed up on his apology by threatening to accuse them of discriminating against "a high-functioning autistic, lesbian trans woman, famous author, with headache-inducing mental handicaps." Furthermore, he threatened to report the '''employee he had maced''' to the Better Business Bureau on suspicion that he had been holding a job at both GameStop and Best Buy.

Needless to say, Chris's bans were not overturned.

As for the mace, Chris claimed that he "had emptied the thing of pepper spray, downward into a nearby hole—big hole—outside, and disposed of said canister into the hole."

In the [[Internet Dream Lounge]] interview, Chris made a few comments on the event (and the protests in general) remarking that he regretted it. Given [[Chris and his Ego|his ego]], Chris unsurprisingly worded his description of the event as "someone ended up getting maced" and indicated that he was mostly irritated by being banned from the stores.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

==[[Fan Art]]==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Sonichulector1.jpg| Chris after the trial...
File:Sonichulecto3.jpg| Well Trolls, Have the lambs stopped screaming?
File:Sonichulecto2.jpg| You may be the top Graduate from The FBI Academy, but he is the most twisted and cunning criminal the world has known.
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| Sonichu, I'm already a demon.
</gallery></center>

===[[Miiverse]] Art===
<center><gallery>
File:Ween9.png
File:Ween11.png
File:Ween12.png
File:Ween14.png
File:FileWeen15.png
File:Ween17.png
File:Ween20.png
</gallery></center>

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Don't Call Anyone Experience
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R-Ws9ESBA0U}}
| stardate = 2 [[April 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = C Chan
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Don't Call Anyone-The Musical
| video = {{#ev:youtube|SuaW5IzbnUc}}
| stardate = 5 [[October 2015]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| maker = [[4chan|/v/]]
| type = [[Parody]] of "I Ran (So Far Away)" by A Flock of Seagulls
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's ''Sonic Boom'' Protests Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZP82tue2S8E}}
| stardate = 15 [[November 2017]]
| subject =
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| type = YDOBYNA YNA LLAC T'NOD
| subject = 26 December 2014}}
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Models His Summer Dress
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7uzP5XUyJn4}}
| stardate = 23 [[July 2015]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5cWuE-mTW9S4bKXcJjpSmQ KillAllTheRednecks]
|-
| subject = [[Court Sightings]] [[Chris and Fashion]]}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]
* [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]]
* [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case]]

==References==
<references />
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Brushfire Video]]|nextlink=[[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Dry_Dry_Desert|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (GCN) Dry Dry Desert]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Field agent videos]]

User:Rader627

2020-04-06T09:59:10Z

Rader627: Blanked the page

Wallflower E-mails 3

2019-11-17T17:37:23Z

Rader627:

The third collection of '''[[The Wallflower|Wallflower]] e-mails''' covers the final stage of the relationship between [[the Wallflower]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. These e-mails chronicle events taking place from 10 [[March 2010]] to 20 March 2010.

Unlike the more jovial tone of [[Wallflower E-mails 2|the last set of e-mails]], the letters here go into a downward spiral. In an almost perfect re-creation of the end of the [[Megan Saga]], the Wallflower is shocked and appalled at the original [[CWCki]] page put up about her and quickly blames Chris, ending their friendship. Chris, wounded and butt-hurt, quickly blames [[trolls]], his [[fans]], and even ''[[Sonichu]]'' for what happened and tries to repair his relationship. However, the Wallflower won't hear any of it — she completely reasserts her a[[sex]]uality (inspiring Chris's "Got-Dang Asexual Woman" line from the later [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] he wrote about her) and tries to tell Chris that, yes, she ''was'' seeing [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]].

At the end, the Wallflower gets off one final shot at Chris.

==E-mails==

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Chris, 
You need to find someway to delete all of that information about me on your site. And I'm hurt that you didn't ask permission either. I didn't appreciate that. There's only one place that has my real info and that's [[facebook]]. And for the last time I am not your [[sweetheart]]! I never agreed to be your girlfriend or anyone elses. 
Facebook is the only place that knows my real name. and all the other websites I go by <CENSORED>. If someone comes after me, it'll be your fault. 
Delete all of that right now. And just for this, we're no longer friends. I'm sorry, but you did this, and it was wrong. 
Email me once you've deleted that info, and I'm going to check it. I'm also going to have to change my email thanks to you.}}

;March 10

{{quotebox|Listen, the "CWCIPEDIA" is my ONE website; not the "CWCki", that belongs to someone else; I will get in touch with the webmaster who created it and try to get it off of there.

I Only referenced you by your Pen Name Once on the Foretaste level I uploaded; NO OTHER TIME, and I have Never referred us as Sweethearts or anything beyond [[Just Friends]]. [[ToJackie|I swear this with hand on my Bible]].

I understand I screwed up royally. I also did my best to prevent this by not even stating an inkling of your real name. [[Ego|Why did I have to become such a god damned internet celebrity?]] I shared my Sonichu stories and art, and for a few years now, I have been Bullied, Tortured, Hacked, and such cruel emotional torment from like thousands to millions of cruel people who took [[Chris E-Mails|my words]] and [[Nudes|photos]] and warped them around to their own damned mockery. Even [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|crap]] they took from me from deceptive methods; pretending to be old friends and "trusting" people [[online]]. I had learned long ago to be very careful about most people online and such.

Because of these trolls, I have lost a few friends. They made a page of my old gal pal, [[Megan Schroeder]], on their [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] "Chris_chan" page, I also made the worst mistake of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|an adult drawing]] between me and her which was the apex there. She and her family moved to another state, and I lost touch with her long ago. Such a damned mistake I swore never to repeat ever again.

Not only friends, but because of their influence towards the [[Michael Snyder|manager]], plus an impulse of [[anger]] because he would not let me hook up my [[Wii]] to his HD [[TV]], I was [[banned]] from the [[Game & Hobby Place]] June, [[2008]], and with that I was forced away from the [[Pok'emon]] [[TCG]] League which I enjoyed going to every Friday.

And as that webmaster states in some [[Honest Content|exaggeration]] (some on that damned ED page as well), they tell of the other women I've met online who I lost because of those trolls and my mistakes, as well as the "women" who were trolls themselves. [[Sarah Jackson]], [[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]] and [[Ivy O'Niel]]; they were [[honest]] women, but they all died between a [[car]] accident, the Janurary, [[2009]] Australia Brushfires, and suicide. And [[Kacey]] fell for and married [[Liquid|a "Christian Weston Chandler" of Philladelphia]] who PRETENDED TO BE ME in identity theft on YouTube with a Paper [[Medallion]] and a Brown Striped [[Shirt]].

Damn it, they even listed three of my High School [[gal pals]], based from the [[slideshow]] from a copy of the "CWC On TV" [[DVD]] a troll who pretended to be my Primary/Elementary School crush in her adult years.

I should have never put Sonichu on the internet...How was I to know that it would bring me [[Stress|grief]] less than a decade later.

I have been in a number of moments of finding peace and losing it later, because these damn trolls won't leave me be. They're mostly immature dumbasses who have no lives of their own. They don't want me to have a life of my own; they don't want me to find [[China|long-term peace and happiness]] for myself. They don't want me to find and hold True Love for myself. Because they are so [[Christian Love Day|self-absorbed]] in themselves that they only want me to give them more stories and art more often; they are nothing but greedy, impatient, unloved and corrupted fools.

Heartbreaks and Heartaches... it really hurts...

<CENSORED>, Please, Please, Please do not leave me as my companion. You are the sunlight that lifted me up more than I've been lifted from in the past. I would feel like hardly a shell of my better self; I would be left in a deep in the darkness state of loneliness and despair. Even worse...I'd probably hire a [[Hooker incident|prostitute]] out of desperation...that is a fate I do not want to ever feel.

Please don't leave me, <CENSORED>. As a friend, and from my heart, I Love You.

Christian.}}

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Look, I never agreed we were together in a relationship in the first place. I told you I wasn't into having boyfriends. My writing is more important to me right now. I am no one's sweetheart. 
And besides, how the hell did they find out all of my usernames that actually linked back to me? I don't remember putting my whole name in those websites. And another thing, ask me if you can put my Penname onto your website. I don't want anyone stealing it. You know how I feel about my gilrl, <CENSORED>. 
I don't love you and I hate you for this. Everything was fine until I met you. I don't know why I took up mom's offer to go the social club. I had enough friends here at home and on the [[internet]].}}

;March 13

{{quotebox|I pray you are feeling better from the recent chaos; I still have lingering heartaches from the "I hate you" and such from that message.

I know it's not much, but apparently your e-mail account remained safe. I am looking into it further, but I do know it was this Tito dude/troll who found you out, and likely was the one who started that page on the CWCki (it's [[wikipedia]] style; anyone can create a page on that damn website). Tito was the one who sent me the e-mail that early morning. I found it after hand-writing and enveloping the letter you may have received Saturday, or will receive in a day or two; that letter was before that matter. And Tito was also the same dude who left you a review leading you to that CWCki page on your <CENSORED> page; he has admitted it in an e-mail he sent me recently. I will be forwarding the two mentioned messages to you shortly.

If you ever come into contact with Tito, or meet him in real life, Do Not Trust Him. I still care for you and your safety and [[China|health]]. Please let me know over the phone or e-mail when you've recovered and we can [[The MovingFoward videos|move forward]] from this. I do not want to lose our friendship between you and me. (and "Hate" is such a strong word)

Stay Safe. Love and Peace, 
Christian.}}

;March 13

{{quoteboxred|Okay, now I'm getting pissed off. First off, stop sending this, I don't want to be reminded of it, second, I told you I'm not your friend anymore, and thirdly, I have a boyfriend now, so back off and leave me alone.}}

;March 14

{| class="{{{2}}}" style="border:1px dotted #4682B4; padding:5px; background-color:#66CD00; margin-bottom:8px" |
| From: Tito Surfshack <surfshacktito@yahoo.com> 
To: chrischansonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, Mar 14, 2010 2:14 am 
Subject: I'VE THOUGHT I EXPLAINED IT LITTLE CUZ (YES)

Ok, man, I'll man up. Yeah, I made it, so what? I was jealous of your beautiful Stephen King lady. But now she hates you and I'm getting with her. Aww yeah. What're you going to do about it little cuz?

And it's not just <CENSORED>. I mean, you drove <CENSORED> away by giving me her name, she's a lost cause, brudda. But what about the other girls? Any girl you'll ever try for thinks you're a loser. You're just some guy who lives with his parents. You used to be the famous creator of sonichu who did all those cool [[videos]] and [[comics]], but now you're just some lazy fatass.

Your fans have left you. It's almost too late to get them back. <CENSORED>'s mine. But this is bigger than <CENSORED>, this is every girl you'll ever see.

Think you can turn your public image around? HA, I'd like to see you try.

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY:

"When your itching for the waves, The only lotion, is the ocean."
|}

;March 14

{{quotebox|1=Don't you GET IT, TITO, the guy you're seeing now, CREATED THAT PAGE on the CWCki, AND he had the balls to let you know in a "Review".

I have been heartaching over this the past days, and I've had [[Biological clock|sleepless nights]] over it. For the love of [[God and Jesus]], don't leave me, Please!

Also, I was going to surprise you on St. Patrick's Day, but I feel it appropriate for the sake of protecting you, that I [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|put on my Kilt in your honor]] against this Hawaiian Troll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taiBe4ct_So}}

;March 14

{{quoteboxred|How the fuck would you know? I haven't said any names. Anyway, its none of your business, and he's not Hawaiian either. Do me a huge favor, and stay away from me. And stop calling my phone. I don't care. Leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!}}

;March 15

{{quoteboxred|You son of a bitch! Leave me and Tito alone! I don't want you to ever to call my cell or house phone again! I want you out of my fucking life and leave me the hell alone! Or I'm going to have to unfortunately drag my parents into this, and you don't want that.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU AGAIN, EVER! AND TAKE MY EMAIL OFF YOUR GODDAMN WEBSITE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I fully understand that I probably should not be talking to you now, but you have to understand; you mean a LOT to me. My heart has been hurting since Last Wednesday, and my smiles are rare now. I constantly think of you, and I am very concerned with you going out with this Tito. I HAVE told you that HE IS A TROLL. I forwarded you his confession message. He ONLY WANTS YOU out of JEALOUSY OF ME AND MY LIFE. He does NOT care for you at all; he considers you a "[[PS3#Trophies|Trophy]] Girlfriend", and he will never see you as anything other than that. I have been seeing you as a human woman with a charming, sweet personality, untainted by any muscle-headed individuals who only care about themselves. Please, at least, look at him, and ask yourself, "Does Tito REALLY, TRULY care about me as a person, or am I just an Object to him?"

Also, I will be sending you an invitation soon for the party.

Also, please extend my friendly regards to your mom, dad and Maggie and Rachel.

Does Tito really care about you?

Stay Safe, Sweetie. 
Christian.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|As if I care what you think. I'm only telling you that [[So Need a Cute Girl|I have a boyfriend]] to get you off my back. By the way. you owe mom an apology for waking her up at 7:30 in the morning!!! Thinking it was me and not her. That was very rude of you. Don't call my house again. It also upsetted my dad. And, I know how desperate you are (which makes me sick) to get into contact with me. But I ask you not to call my work and ask for me. I've already asked one of the ladies up front not to accept any calls from you asking for me. I'm not getting my job jepordize because of you. 
And, you can't tell me who to date either. [[Women's rights|That's my choice and mine alone]]. You have no business in my personal life. And you don't mean anything to me. Stay away from me. This better be the last email. 
I don't know how clear I have to get through to your head, to once again, leave me alone, PLEASE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I have never called your house. I have never called you at your job. The only phone number I called you at was your cell phone, and the last time I called your cell was about last Sunday. I swear on my Bible I have never personally called your house or your job. [[Prank calls|Someone else is calling y'all]], pretending to be me.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|Fine (not like I belive you), but just please leave me alone from now on. I don't want to talk to you again. Do you hear me?}}

;March 20

{{quotebox|Due to an unexpected trip, the party is being postponed to the following Saturday from stated on the invitation.

Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

;March 20

{{quoteboxred|LMAO, Sorry, I won't be able to make it. Besides, I wouldn't go, if you were going to be there. And I'm not going to the thing next week. Because I don't want to do deal with you. BTW. that letter, don't do that again, ever. I wasn't even impressed with your little gift. I threw it away. Not only that, I was pissed when you said that we had been going out for a month and a half. First of all, I never agreed anything of the sort, second, I would never date you. You're not my type. 
Also, if you want me to 'stay safe', then you would leave me alone, from phone, email, and mail. I don't want to hear from you ever again, do you hear me? 
And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic [sic] [[virgin]]? I'd rather have my best friend's boyfriend take me first (because I trust him). then you. Besides, I'm asexual, so there's no hope for you, at least from me. Not only that, not even a cheap whore would want your small [[dick]] inside her, neither would I.}}

{{emails}}
[[Category: Wallflower E-mails]]

Challenge for Clyde

2019-07-28T03:39:11Z

Rader627: /* Transcript */

{{Honest}}
[[File:SoFuckinCash.jpg|thumb|What would really happen.]]
"'''Challenge for Clyde'''" (originally "'''10112009'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] calls out [[Gregg Mays]]/[[Clyde Cash]]. He makes mention of friends several times in this video, which is odd because Chris has none. We also see more of Chris's fumbling attempts at martial arts, first seen in [[ACWCAudition]]. Throughout, he sounds oddly like Frankenstein's Monster (or at least, [[Speech Impediment|more so than usual]]). He also regularly stares off-screen, almost as though he's reading something.

This video features a cameo appearance by a minor [[Relics of Fail|relic]], Chris's yearbook from [[High School]], which would later be found in the [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|class reunion video]].

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Challenge for Clyde
| image = {{#ev:youtube|vuJ3ywMssf8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 11 October 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence}} [[Death threats|Violence]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| Shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Warning_-_Naughty_Women_;)| Warning - Naughty Women ;)]]
| next = [[Chris_Loses_It| Chris_Loses_It]]
}} </center>

{{quote|You wanna see how hard I would punch ya?}}

===Transcript===

[[Image:THAT_ONE'S_ON_THE_HOUSE4.gif|thumb|Chris's rage in it's [[TRUE and HONEST]] form]]
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|thumb|left|THAT ONE'S ON THE [[house|HOUSE]]]]

Greeegg.. Greg Mays. [[Clyde Cash]]. ''Whatever the hell your real name is''.

You need to ''stop''. ''Torturing''. My ''[[gal pals|FRIENDS]]''. Over the internet. And everywhere. I am your target. ''You'' want to face ''me''. Co- I know, you do. You come to me. [[CWCFighter|I will fight you.]] [[ Obesity|I will ''crush'' you!]] You, you son of a bitch. I would beat you up mercilessly. What you have done to me and my friends. Every last ''one'' of them! [[Song of Christian#Part 2|Rrrruggh]]. [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]], man. You do not want to mess with me. But you ''should'' come out and face me like a man, instead of hiding behind your goddamn. Mother's. Skirt. You are just a coward, just like every last damn stupid [[trolls|troll]] on the internet. I'm calling you out, Gregg Mays/Clyde Cash! I'm calling you out! You know where I live! You come right on over... and I will s- and we can settle this ''man to man''. RARH!

You wanna see how hard I would punch ya? [''picks up [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|High School yearbook'']]] This is a good heavy book! [''throws book''] I will punch you so hard [''bends over, picks up book again''] And I would even let you give me a few punches! [''punches self stupidly''] That one's on the house. [''punches self again''] [''punches self in stomach''] You wanna- come on? You wanna face me? Come on! Face me man! You face me! You face me right now, you son of a bitch! You face me! [''does some poorly executed "fighting moves", including hitting himself twice in the face again, and roars''] Come on, you son of a bitch! I'm challenging you! You come face me right now! You come face me, you damn son of a bitch! [''holds index finger up to camera, calms down'']

[''quietly''] Come- come face me. I'll be waiting. I'll be '''''waiting'''''. [''gives the finger'']

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Strongman: The Movie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|KZnaPvs8W7k}}
| Stardate = 12 [[October 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/OhhhMyAxels OhhhMyAxels]
| Subject = The highly anticipated sequel to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywpeXlkGx9Q "Repentance and Comeuppance"]
| Video Type = Remix
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[CWCFighter]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Warning - Naughty Women ;)]]|nextlink=[[Chris Loses It]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos with RAGE]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-12]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-10-12]]

Get-Tar Region

2019-06-19T05:40:49Z

Rader627: /* Gallery */

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target.]]
[[File:TargetCVille.jpg|thumb|200px|Another view of the same store as it appeared in [[April 2015]].]]
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]. Chris was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct in the aftermath of the incident, though the state ultimately decided against taking the case to trial.<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref><ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref>

==In Chris's own words==
Chris described the incident in an entry to [[CWC's Diary]].

{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; [[Chris and reality|I was NOT!]] I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[pickle|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

==In Chris's comics==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newstarters to the series to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with its soda, drawing his shit [[comics]], and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being a [[virgin with rage]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he writes [[Barbara Chandler|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the Card Gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the charges were likely dropped either due to insufficient evidence, the state just not feeling the case was worth pursuing, or realizing that Chris would likely just pull the [[autism]] card and get off with minimal punishment. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charges were "Disorderly Conduct" and "Trespassing"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the Law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Recent years==
Chris evidently started shopping at Target again an indeterminate amount of time after the incident, either through the store employees agreeing to drop the ban, or just forgetting about it. One of these visits was part of his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], where he planned to vandalize any ''Sonic Boom''-related stock that they had. However, he found out that the game boxes were held in a locked case and, clearly forgetting any lessons learned nine years prior, settled for raging at a couple of employees over the store's decision to stock the games.

[[File:Chris at Target April 2019.jpg|Photographed by an employee during [[April 2019]].|thumb|150px]]
Chris was photographed at a Newport News Target in April 2019 by a fan.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/bdnxp3/saw_him_at_target_today_wanted_to_say_hi_but_got/</ref> The photo shows a prominent [[Hair|bald spot]] on the back of Chris's head. His mental state also seemed to be in decline based on the fan's account:

{{quote|I walked back by him again as he was in line at the food avenue to get the shitty Pizza Hut pasta and he was just muttering really loudly. Couldn’t make out what he was saying... I kept looking around hoping to see him shopping around but never saw him again...}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound [[Duck|sausage]] in Chris.
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2019-05-02T22:56:01Z

Rader627: /* Covers */

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]," featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t-uY2QpW51I}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm loc'd in [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang--|trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... It's growing on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Trollsta's Paradise
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-V81-XXCkOc}}
| stardate = 18 [[February 2019]]
| maker = Smoky Chris
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
* [http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2019-05-01T23:46:02Z

Rader627: /* Covers */

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]," featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t-uY2QpW51I}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm loc'd in [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang--|trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... It's growing on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Trollsta's Paradise
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-V81-XXCkOc}}
| stardate = 18 [[February 2019]]
| maker = Smoky Chris
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
* [http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

Chris and fashion

2019-04-14T17:27:35Z

Rader627: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris' [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|Ralph Lauren]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>, but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Tomgirl fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late tomgirl fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|left|150px]]
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing My Little Pony clothing, and has started donning a set of [[Unicorn cosplay|unicorn ears and a horn]], as well as [[Sailor Moon]] tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Announcement 07202016|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|3]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|4]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Jungle bells|1]] [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|2]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"Big baggy blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]] [[I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please|2]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]] [[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!|2]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]

Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]].

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and were considered to be a fashion faux pas until the late 2010s.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Bagget

2019-04-14T17:11:08Z

Rader627:

[[Image:Bagget.jpg||thumb|Bagget with [[niggos|blackup]].]]
Police officer '''Marcus Baggett''' works for the Albemarle County Police Department, and is the "[[Jerkop]] of all Jerkops" who arrested Chris at the [[Get-Tar Region|Target]]. Not much is known about his personal life, but we do know he was commended by the local [[Wikipedia:Virginia House of Delegates|House of Delegates]] for his selfless commitment to public safety after stepping down from his squad car to rescue two people from a smoking restaurant, shortly before it erupted into flames, on 9 March [[2002]]. Ironically, one of the sponsors of the resolution was [[Rob Bell|Robert Bell]], who would later on [[28 October 2011|defend Chris in court]].<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?031+ful+HJ620</ref>

In [[2008]], Bagget participated in the 16th Annual Polar Plunge along with several other police officers from the Albemarle County Police Department to raise money for the Special Olympics of [[Virginia]]. He personally succeeded in raising $630. <ref>[http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/marcus-baggett/marcusbaggett]</ref>

In [[2009]], Bagget was named The American Legion's Commonwealth of Virginia Law Enforcement Officer of the Year.<ref>[http://www.albemarle.org/upload/images/forms_center/departments/Police/forms/2009%20Annual%20Report.pdf]</ref> He later participated in the shooting of Colby Eppard on 1 [[January 2010]] after the 18-year-old stole a police car and shot at several officers. Baggett fired a [[Wikipedia:Spike strip|stinger]] to burst Eppard's tires, and subsequently fatally shot Eppard alongside several other officers.<ref>http://www.readthehook.com/stories/2010/02/25/COVER-eppard-authorites-duck-parents-d.aspx</ref>

Naturally, despite his heroism, Chris goes to great lengths to demonize him, proving once and for all that no matter the great deeds someone has done, [[Chris and his Ego|if they inconvenience Chris in any way they're evil]]. When Chris was being arrested, he found the situation humorous when he learned the jerkop's name, thinking how "Baggett" sounds a lot like "[[Homos|faggot]]". [[autism|Witty]].

==In real life==

From [[CWC's Diary#July|CWC's Diary]]:

{{quotebox|"July 20, 2005: … I was at the new [[Get-Tar Region|Target store]], just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was [[Virgin with rage|NOT]]! I was there [[Love Quest|hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl]], like I usually do. Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|ready to strike back on them]]. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared [[Chris and oration|speech]] to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pants]], and [[Kick the autistic|pinned me to the floor]]. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[Pickle|sausages]] on my [[Obesity|180-pound]] body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was [[Fangs|angry]] at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl. They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to [[Chris and the Law|court]] on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall. So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called '''Bagget''' (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).}}

You'd think that Chris would recall that he had previously said that all cops were good so long as they wore blue and black.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#February]]</ref> However, because Baggett, a real police officer, arrested Chris (for completely legitimate reasons), he is suddenly not a [[TRUE and HONEST]] police officer. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay if they wear blue and black and don't try to arrest him for breaking the law.

==In the comic==
Bagget appeared in [[Sub-Episode 7]] in a dramatization of Chris's arrest at [[Target]]. He is portrayed as the "Jerkop Daitenzen", a sort of strange evil [[Power Rangers|Power Ranger]], and a reference to ''[[Excel Saga]]''. He wears a brown uniform like the other [[Jerkops]] and at times wears a helmet in the same color. He also wears a pair of white gloves and boots, both with blue stripes to complete his appearance, looking somewhat like one of the many Kamen Riders, but without a mask. He commands a great number of Jerkops, as well as the [[Crackder]] that takes Chris down. [[Mary Lee Walsh]] seems to hold him in high regard, and at one point refers to him as "the strongest most evil villian [sic] ever,"<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_66</ref><ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_67</ref> apparently making him more evil than [[Count Graduon]].

He is called into action after Chris assaults [[Turdijerk]] and [[Trebor Capman]], backed up by the [[Jerkhief]] and his men. He fights with a sword, and calls in Crackder to defeat Chris when he fails to fell the manchild himself, which it successfully does. He also briefly lapses into ye olde [[English]] for some reason.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_77</ref> After a brief round of torture, he then throws Chris into Crackder and they fly off to [[PVCC]], where he presents a hog-tied Chris to Mary Lee Walsh on a giant plate. Despite Chris's humiliating defeat at his hands, he never gets any kind of revenge on Bagget, and he disappears from the comic after handing Chris over.

He would later return in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], making a brief cameo at Mary Lee Walsh's villain meet-up. This was his last appearance in the comic, and his ultimate fate following the destruction of PVCC at the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] is unknown.

In later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]], Chris changed his name to "'''Dagget'''"- it's not known whether the ''[[Wikipedia:The Angry Beavers|Angry Beavers]]'' reference was intentional.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Get-Tar Region]]
*[[PVCCitizens]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]

{{people}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Baseball bat

2019-01-30T02:38:27Z

Rader627: /* See also */

{{stub}}
[[File:CWC with Copitz 2.jpg ‎|thumb|200px|Chris's bat sticking out as he poses with a fan.]]

In 2018, Chris was spotted hauling a '''baseball bat''' in his backpack around town; a successor of sorts to his [[pocket knife]] and [[26 December 2014|pepper spray]].

Locations where Chris was confirmed to have taken the bat are [[MAGfest]],<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/2929228/</ref> a movie theater (without issue)<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/5-2018-chris-banned-from-anytime-fitness.42830/page-12#post-3348538</ref> and [[Anytime Fitness]] (was asked by staff not to bring it inside).<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/5-2018-chris-banned-from-anytime-fitness.42830/page-12#post-3348471</ref>

He commented on why he carries the bat on Twitter:

{{quote|I carry a baseball bat everywhere with me in public. Some places are uncomfortable, some don't care. I've had people approach me in public and be Very Nasty. I've also had Kind and Loving people come up and just give me hugs. I am so tired of being Paranoid of my surroundings.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/997909443147776000</ref>}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Cwc baseball bat.jpg|The bat, pictured at MAGfest.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Pocket knife]]
*[[Pepper spray]]
*[[Chris and the law]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

Chris and fashion

2019-01-16T01:43:26Z

Rader627: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris' [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|Ralph Lauren]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>, but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Tomgirl fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late tomgirl fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|left|150px]]
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing My Little Pony clothing, and has started donning a set of [[Unicorn cosplay|unicorn ears and a horn]], as well as [[Sailor Moon]] tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Announcement 07202016|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|3]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|4]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Jungle bells|1]] [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|2]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"Big baggy blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]] [[I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please|2]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]

Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]].

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and fashion

2019-01-09T04:39:59Z

Rader627: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris' [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|Ralph Lauren]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>, but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Tomgirl fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late tomgirl fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|left|150px]]
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing My Little Pony clothing, and has started donning a set of [[Unicorn cosplay|unicorn ears and a horn]], as well as [[Sailor Moon]] tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Announcement 07202016|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|3]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|4]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|1]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"Big baggy blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]] [[I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please|2]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]

Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]].

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and fashion

2019-01-09T04:28:19Z

Rader627: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris' [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|Ralph Lauren]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>, but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Tomgirl fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late tomgirl fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|left|150px]]
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing My Little Pony clothing, and has started donning a set of [[Unicorn cosplay|unicorn ears and a horn]], as well as [[Sailor Moon]] tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|3]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|1]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"Big baggy blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]] [[I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please|2]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]

Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]].

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please

2019-01-09T04:21:33Z

Rader627: /* Video 2 */

On 14 June 2018, Chris uploaded two videos searching for a local technician for assistance with a [[Commodore 64]]. In the first video, a drawing of [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]] can be seen taped to the ceiling over his bed.

[[File:I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please00001.png|thumb|Chris accidentally tilts the camera and shows that he had taped a drawing of [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|his wife and husband]] to the ceiling over his bed.]]

==Video 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9SH4FovCl5M}}
| stardate = 14 June 2018
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{Bigbaggyblue|text}}
| previous = [[Nightstar is a very important Special Sonichu]]
| next = [[I_need_some_local_C64_Tech_Help,_Please#Video_2|Still need Local help with my C64, Please]]
}}

===Description===
Respond to this video directly at christine@cwcville.us. Thank You. Local Inquiries, ONLY.

===Transcript===
Hey everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again! And, today, I'm reaching out for a little help and assistance. As you can see right behind me [singing] da da da da ta da! [Chris fumbles around with the camera] Get the camera.... See it too....

[Chris shows his monitor] So there's my self [[Commodore 64]] monitor. And there's my floppy cassette drive with two joy sticks. Aand.... here's my old BFF! [taps on keyboard]

Uhh, I got just about everything needed to put this thing back in this order once again and be able to [[vidya|play]] on it and... everything, but there's a ''slight'' problem. Yeah. It needs some TLC. I tried to get, uh, tried to fix it with a Lysol wipe, but the AV output, this thing right here. [Points finger near output] Yeah, it's got rust around the edges

So, I'm reaching out to a local in [[Charlottesville]], Virginia. Whoever hears this video, please, I did take this thing apart myself, and look inside, and I also have this lovely...''punch'' of literature [holds up some Commodore 64 manuals] that my [[Bob|father]] invested. [Squealing] ''And'' right here...! [singing] Da da da da ta da... [Flips open one of the manuals] [Chuckles] Look at that! Shows the inside of the thing! Anyway, I think it's going to need a new phase...alternation line encoder, which I know that part has the...AV output on it.

And, also with that, I might, ah, ask the person to come over to bring a Y cable with three males on it. And, yes, go ahead, make a meme out of that...[singing] Y cable...with three [[male|males]]!

Okay, so, that's the update. Oh! Also, I'm not sure where it is, and I definitely need it, but I need the power cord for...the floppy drive, as well. I'm going to check [[eBay]] for an inexpensive one.

So, thank you all so much! Please, all responses to this video are to be sent to my email address: christine@cwcville.us! I'll put the e-mail address in the description below. Thank you!

==Video 2==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Still need Local help with my C64, Please
| video = {{#ev:youtube|npvmExAGQk4}}
| stardate = 14 June 2018
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Convention|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{Bigbaggyblue|text}}
| previous = [[I_need_some_local_C64_Tech_Help,_Please#Video_1|I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please]]
| next = [[TooManyGames#Bowser vs Robotnik panel|Chris Chan making an ass of himself]]
}}

===Description===
Please, contact me via email at christine@cwcville.us. Also, please help in supporting my trip to the Too Many Games Convention in Pennsylvania, coming up on the weekend of the 22nd. https://www.gofundme.com/5oc2gtc

===Transcript===

Hello everybody, Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again and right now... uh, I'm just showing off the problem I have with my C64 I mean it's not powered on right now but...

Here's the [unclear], you can see it's turned on and... my video's obviously recording it going... reverberating like that, but anyway, I'm gonna demonstrate that it does function on the front input and I had tested the... rear... input... as well... this PlayStation 1 console.

So, turn it on [clicking]... as you can see... [PlayStation 1 starts up] the input on the monitor works great.

So lemme turn off the console... there and I switch to... [Grunting noises] I had managed to clean... bulk of the rust off of the single... video audio output from the console.

So I'm puttin' the... Y cable back in, which I found one up stairs. Three males.

[Sliding and clacking noises as Chris fiddles with his C64]

And... we're just gonna plug these back into the front...

Okay, so... turn it... on... making sure you can see that... aight... power light comes on...

As you can see, not much is happening up here. [Pause]

Also do note that even though I have them connected, I'm not using the cassette drive, and... the floppy drive. I don't have a plug for that... right now.

[Chris sighs]

I do have a cartridge though. Sea Wolf. So we'll put that into the cartridge slot... in the back of the console.

Power it on again... Still, nothing.

So... [Pause] Kinda stumped. Still need local help, it's probably something in the c-circuitry... I'm guessing, I don't know. I [pause] know squat... about circuitry... alright?

Heard it straight from me. I know squat about circuitry. [Pause]

So, [pause] requesting help locally from somebody in Charlottesville whose got [pause] technolo- the technological knowledge to... [pause] y'know, go inside and all the parts and figure out... [pause] what the problem is... cause, I love this old friend of mine, y'know?

Anyways, so... I'll p-put the emailf... to contact me at... below this video and uh- hopefully I get a response to get this thing going again so I can play again.

And also, reminder: please [short pause] go to my gofundme page and... help me on voting up the funds I need... to go to the TooManyGames convention up in Pennsylvania. I'm very serious about that. Thank you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Nightstar is a very important Special Sonichu]]|nextlink=[[TooManyGames]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]

I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please

2019-01-09T04:20:56Z

Rader627: /* Video 1 */

On 14 June 2018, Chris uploaded two videos searching for a local technician for assistance with a [[Commodore 64]]. In the first video, a drawing of [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]] can be seen taped to the ceiling over his bed.

[[File:I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please00001.png|thumb|Chris accidentally tilts the camera and shows that he had taped a drawing of [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan|his wife and husband]] to the ceiling over his bed.]]

==Video 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9SH4FovCl5M}}
| stardate = 14 June 2018
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{Bigbaggyblue|text}}
| previous = [[Nightstar is a very important Special Sonichu]]
| next = [[I_need_some_local_C64_Tech_Help,_Please#Video_2|Still need Local help with my C64, Please]]
}}

===Description===
Respond to this video directly at christine@cwcville.us. Thank You. Local Inquiries, ONLY.

===Transcript===
Hey everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again! And, today, I'm reaching out for a little help and assistance. As you can see right behind me [singing] da da da da ta da! [Chris fumbles around with the camera] Get the camera.... See it too....

[Chris shows his monitor] So there's my self [[Commodore 64]] monitor. And there's my floppy cassette drive with two joy sticks. Aand.... here's my old BFF! [taps on keyboard]

Uhh, I got just about everything needed to put this thing back in this order once again and be able to [[vidya|play]] on it and... everything, but there's a ''slight'' problem. Yeah. It needs some TLC. I tried to get, uh, tried to fix it with a Lysol wipe, but the AV output, this thing right here. [Points finger near output] Yeah, it's got rust around the edges

So, I'm reaching out to a local in [[Charlottesville]], Virginia. Whoever hears this video, please, I did take this thing apart myself, and look inside, and I also have this lovely...''punch'' of literature [holds up some Commodore 64 manuals] that my [[Bob|father]] invested. [Squealing] ''And'' right here...! [singing] Da da da da ta da... [Flips open one of the manuals] [Chuckles] Look at that! Shows the inside of the thing! Anyway, I think it's going to need a new phase...alternation line encoder, which I know that part has the...AV output on it.

And, also with that, I might, ah, ask the person to come over to bring a Y cable with three males on it. And, yes, go ahead, make a meme out of that...[singing] Y cable...with three [[male|males]]!

Okay, so, that's the update. Oh! Also, I'm not sure where it is, and I definitely need it, but I need the power cord for...the floppy drive, as well. I'm going to check [[eBay]] for an inexpensive one.

So, thank you all so much! Please, all responses to this video are to be sent to my email address: christine@cwcville.us! I'll put the e-mail address in the description below. Thank you!

==Video 2==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Still need Local help with my C64, Please
| video = {{#ev:youtube|npvmExAGQk4}}
| stardate = 14 June 2018
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Convention|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = Blue t
| previous = [[I_need_some_local_C64_Tech_Help,_Please#Video_1|I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please]]
| next = [[TooManyGames#Bowser vs Robotnik panel|Chris Chan making an ass of himself]]
}}

===Description===
Please, contact me via email at christine@cwcville.us. Also, please help in supporting my trip to the Too Many Games Convention in Pennsylvania, coming up on the weekend of the 22nd. https://www.gofundme.com/5oc2gtc

===Transcript===

Hello everybody, Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again and right now... uh, I'm just showing off the problem I have with my C64 I mean it's not powered on right now but...

Here's the [unclear], you can see it's turned on and... my video's obviously recording it going... reverberating like that, but anyway, I'm gonna demonstrate that it does function on the front input and I had tested the... rear... input... as well... this PlayStation 1 console.

So, turn it on [clicking]... as you can see... [PlayStation 1 starts up] the input on the monitor works great.

So lemme turn off the console... there and I switch to... [Grunting noises] I had managed to clean... bulk of the rust off of the single... video audio output from the console.

So I'm puttin' the... Y cable back in, which I found one up stairs. Three males.

[Sliding and clacking noises as Chris fiddles with his C64]

And... we're just gonna plug these back into the front...

Okay, so... turn it... on... making sure you can see that... aight... power light comes on...

As you can see, not much is happening up here. [Pause]

Also do note that even though I have them connected, I'm not using the cassette drive, and... the floppy drive. I don't have a plug for that... right now.

[Chris sighs]

I do have a cartridge though. Sea Wolf. So we'll put that into the cartridge slot... in the back of the console.

Power it on again... Still, nothing.

So... [Pause] Kinda stumped. Still need local help, it's probably something in the c-circuitry... I'm guessing, I don't know. I [pause] know squat... about circuitry... alright?

Heard it straight from me. I know squat about circuitry. [Pause]

So, [pause] requesting help locally from somebody in Charlottesville whose got [pause] technolo- the technological knowledge to... [pause] y'know, go inside and all the parts and figure out... [pause] what the problem is... cause, I love this old friend of mine, y'know?

Anyways, so... I'll p-put the emailf... to contact me at... below this video and uh- hopefully I get a response to get this thing going again so I can play again.

And also, reminder: please [short pause] go to my gofundme page and... help me on voting up the funds I need... to go to the TooManyGames convention up in Pennsylvania. I'm very serious about that. Thank you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Nightstar is a very important Special Sonichu]]|nextlink=[[TooManyGames]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]

December 2018 videos

2019-01-09T04:17:17Z

Rader627: /* Transcript */

This page contains Chris's videos from [[December 2018]].

==Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara?==
Chris says it's snowing, then grumbles at his [[mother]] for interrupting the video.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara?
| video = {{#ev:youtube|X4-VeY03upI}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Rage|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| saga =
| previous = [[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! For tomorrow, it melts, or I end up shoveling some of it. 😊

⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
Hey, everybody. It's snowing here in [[1218]], Virginia. Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara? There's a joke. Have a good day.

==Address to FunkO's Cereal==

In this video ([[Chris and cinematography|awkwardly cut into two parts]]), Chris extols the virtues of "FunkO's", a brand of generic sugary cereal sold as a specialty item with the marketing gimmick of including a Funko toy figurine. He completely misses the point of this business strategy and suggests that the cereal should be sold in big-box stores without the toy so that he can buy more of it with his [[Financhu Crisis|limited financial means]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Address to FunkO's Cereal, Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Q2tLvWTC5O4}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Address to FunkO's Cereal, Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|d1faP3qv1W8}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Hey, @OriginalFunko, how about making the Funko’s Cereal available in all cereal aisles in random colours and a random figure Optionally available in the boxes, please? 😊 Your multigrain cereal is Really Good! I would buy a 20oz box, just for the cereal, at $4.99.}}

===Transcript===
[''Part 1'']

Hey, everybody! Just wanted to offer a little [[Chris and brand loyalty|voluntary...]] individ- opinion about [''holds up FunkO's box to camera''] Funko brand's FunkO's cereal! But just the cereal though, I mean, because having all the pictures and the figures in them is good and all, but the cereal is really good. I mean, various colors therein, but I mean, hey, Funko company, you know what you could do with the cereal? ''Actually put it in the grocery stores'' and in the cereal aisles of the [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Marts]], the [[Get-Tar Region|Targets]], and everywhere, all the actual cereal aisle, instead of just making it a "specialty food item available only in certain places", you could make it available with, or without, the included [[List of toys|''toy!'']] and actually put more of the cereal in the box, like you know, make it a [[Obesity|family-size]] box of ''FunkO's!'' FunkO's!

Because that berry flavor is totally awesome, and it's a multi-grain cereal, so, it's definitely... a [[Chris and health#Diet and nutrition|good part of a balanced breakfast]]. So anyway, hey Funko, let's get the act together, let's put your cereal in the act- in all the cereal aisles. Okay? And you could just put various... pictures on the front, like, or even just, just even, just Social Time Freddy, just on the front cover, enjoying the cereal, and just... put FunkO's on the top part. ''FunkO's!'' FunkO's! And this is a really good cereal. Let's have... cereal in the cereal aisles, [[South Park|mmkay]]?

I had other thoughts that are escaping me, but - oh, not only that, but you could also just, in the bowl, yac'put various, you could make it like, eh, sections like, individual colors, just like, you know, [[rainbow]] from red to purple. From red to violet. Aaand, yac'put... all, uh, all of them in each box, just put a ''random color'' in each of them, so like, you know, in one... neutral type of FunkO's box, could be red, anurr one could be yellow, anurr one could be ''orange!'', anurr one could be blue, anurr one could be... ''pur''ple, youguyshavefunwidda-

[''Part 2, picking up near the end of Part 1'']

... eh, sections like, individual colors, just like, you know, [[rainbow]] from red to purple. From red to violet. Aaand, yac'put... all, uh, all of them in each box, just put a ''random color'' in each of them, so like, you know, in one, neutral type of FunkO's box, could be red, anurr one could be yellow, anurr one could be ''orange!'', anurr one could be blue, anurr one could be... ''pur''ple, youguyshavefunwiddat, 'cause the cereal is really good, so, Funko, let's get in on that, so then... I don't have to pay [[Chris and money|eight bucks]] for... this awesome cereal. Every time. [''sets down cereal box''] Pay like, four, five bucks for... bigger box of just the cereal, because... it really is good, and... at... two thumbs up. Okay? [''holds up right thumb''] Here's one, [''holds up same thumb again''] and here's another, because... my other thumb's holding the camera, hehe. Alright. Thank you, Funko company!

==Supportive message for Gracie==

Chris records a message for Gracie, after her father had tweeted:

{{quoteboxgreen|Hello my Twitter friends. This is my daughter Gracie whos getting Bullied and picked on at school. Being told shes Ugly and Fat and looks like a boy all the usual stuff. Can she get some love we've told her how Beautiful she is Love you Gracie❤❤❤}}

The father's tweet had been retweeted by [[Tara Strong]], who said:

{{quoteboxwhite|Hello beautiful. Please tell her she’s awesome & bullies suck & I’m happy to send her a special voice recording & I 💜 her?}}

Upon seeing Strong's tweet, Chris recorded his own message.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Supportive message for Gracie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pRJ2UHf9zPY}}
| stardate = 8 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Hi, Gracie. You are beautiful, and you certainly are not fat; those bullies can take their insults and Zap It Up theirs. Ignore them, and stay Awesome as you are, with Great Self-Esteem, girl. 😊 ⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
Hi Gracie, this is Christine Chandler, giving you a little support. I hear you're being bullied. [''brushes hair back''] Don't let the bullies bother you. I mean, [[Chris and his ego|I've been there with you]]. [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|I was bullied]] in my childhood too. I was bullied for being different, because of my... [[autism]]. But that's a whole different ting, and I didn't let that stop me, and I was [[Trolls|cyberbullied]] since 2007. Think I'd let that stop me? Nope. Nothing's stopping me. I continued on. [[Sonichu (comic)|I created]], and I worked. And you can do the same, just... you are beautiful, you are bright, and [[Pedofork|you definitely look very lovely, you look like a woman]], yes you do. [''deep breath''] And when somebody tells you otherwise, you can tell them that I said, [''points at camera''] they can take their insults and [''thrusts hand upward''] [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|zap it up theirs]]. But seriously though, just tell everybody, tell- report them to your [[Jerkop|authorities]], your [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], whoever's nearby, an adult. Okay? Alright. Good luck, Gracie. Stay awesome. Zap to the extreme!

==Tour of Chris's House III (leaked)==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House III}}

==Chris slaps himself (leaked)==
{{main|Chris slaps himself}}

==Barb confirms she isn't dead==
On 14 December 2018, the troll who had been leaking videos from the [[Idea Guys]] saga on Chris's Twitter logged in again, this time to post:

{{quoteboxred|RIP Barbara Anne Weston Chandler 1941-2018 😇😇😇😭😭😭😢😢😢😢}}

About a minute later, the tweet was deleted by Chris. Three minutes after the tweet appeared, Chris uploaded this video as a rebuttal. He further claimed that he would increase his security measures to prevent being hacked again<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1073740669750001664</ref>.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Barb confirms she isn't dead.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kG-oUKpxzXs}}
| stardate = 14 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Does she look dead to you, damn Hacker!}}

===Transcript===
Chris: Hey Mom, Say Something.

Barb: My Name is Barbara Chandler.

Chris: Are you Dead right now?

Barb: No.

Chris: You're Very much Alive?

Barb: Yes

Chris: How Strong do you feel?

Barb: Very Strong.

Chris: Good, Thank you.

==Sylvia==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sylvia
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sf7eR1eic8c}}
| stardate = 16 [[December 2018]]
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|But, for a good Twitter Feed Topper for a while, here’s a little bit of [[Sylvia]]. 😸}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris speaks in a baby voice as Sylvia leans on Chris's knee and licks herself and a high-pitched beep repeatedly sounds''] Hello Sylvia, lookit you being so sweet, aww. [''Unintelligible''] because the big coincidence between-n [[Dimensional_Merge|dimensions...]] is you can start [[Patti-chan|hanging out]] [[Reality|with me.]] You such a schweet, good little kitty. [''Chris begins fondling Sylvia's head. She freezes.''] Yesh you are. [''Raising his voice to an alien-sounding tone''] Yes you are, [''Back to baby voice''] [[Chris_and_Sex#Bestiality|so pretty, too.]] [''Chris continues scratching, punctuated with incoherent cutesy noises. Sylvia wriggles her head. Chris switches to the alien tone.''] I know you sho cute! [''Chris brings the camera over to an aerial view of Sylvia and returns to the baby voice.''] Aww. Thank you for being Your Schweetness. [''Chris stops scratching and Sylvia contorts to look at him expectantly with a purr.'']

==On mah Treadmill, dawgs! ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = On mah Treadmill, dawgs!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|87Dnl9GltY0}}
| stardate = 16 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|On mah [[Treadmill]], dawgs! ⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris steps back from the camera and raises a finger. The camera waves around unsteadily through the video.''] Hey errybody! Check it out. [''Briefly flashes the [[medallion]] and tucks it back into his shirt.''] Jus't'let you that it ''is'' me... I'm walkin'! [''Chris activates his treadmill with a beep, clenches his fists in an attempt to assume a power stance and, moments later, the treadmill starts and he begins walking. The camera begins trembling. After a few seconds, he increases the speed.''] I got [''holds up [[Honor roll|four]] fingers''] three miles an hour and ''countin','' [[Pedofork|baby!]] Heh-heh! [''Chris reaches for the camera to turn it off.'']

==Sylvia is playful==

{{Infobox/video
| name = 2018-12-19 Sylvia is playful as ever for her first Holiday Season! 😸
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AkFBH7Bs8Wc}}
| stardate = 19 [[December 2018]]
| subject = Cats
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Sylvia is playful as ever for her first Holiday Season! 😸}}

===Transcript===

''[[Sylvia]] chases her tail. Chris laughs. chris strokes her, she nips at his fingers and jumps about. He "boops" her nose.''

==Video of Chris at Lukas's House (leaked)==
{{main|Chris with Teen Troon Squad}}

==Merry Gubmas!==
{{main|December 2018 Paid Video Requests}}

==Chris lost Crystal (leaked)==
{{main|Chris lost Crystal}}

==**Audio-Only furthering.==
On New Years Eve, inspired by a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJlcf27vE2M video] he saw, Chris tweeted:
{{quotebox|To All of you Bad Trolls and Cyberbullies:

“Y’all got a dakimakura for Christmas! Only one with Waifu-Chan will do!”
Hump the year away, Bullies!

(Inspired by @Fim_Keychi and @MLPSilverQuill’s vid; nothing against Firebrand (he is very cool, and not a troll) 😊}}

After the posting the video, Chris would post a disclaimer, fearing he may [[Chris and Reality|accidentally create an OC.]]
{{quotebox|A Minor Disclaimer: there is no existing individual named “Waifu-Chan”; I used the term to make the joke Neutral to all people who are Bad Trolls and Cyberbullies. Thank you.}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = **Audio-Only furthering.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6ZMejr4fH8A}}
| stardate = 31 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{trollsicon|text}} {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}
===Description===
{{quotebox|**Audio-Only furthering.}}

===Transcript===

♪ Bum! Bum! Bum! Bum! Budumdumdum! Budum! ♪

♪ You've got a dakimakara for Christmaaas! ♪

♪ Only [[Kimmi|Waifu-Chan]] will dooo! ♪

♪ You've got a dakimakara for Christmaaas! ♪

♪ Only Waifu-Chan will dooo! ♪

Ha! take that you bad trolls

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]|nextlink=[[January 2019 videos]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to Twitter]]

Merry Gubmas!

2018-12-31T07:33:01Z

Rader627: /* Transcript */

This page lists the [[Paid Video Requests|video requests]] that Chris was paid to do in December 2018.

==Merry Gubmas!==
A [[Christmas]] greeting to "Uncle Gubsy". Note that Chris was late in his delivery, uploading this '''three days after Christmas.'''

{{Infobox/video
| name = Merry Gubmas!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yDSFu2LTA10}}
| stardate = 28 December 2018
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = The Classic 2.0
| previous = [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]
| next = [[Chris lost Crystal]]

}}

====Description====
Paid Holiday Greeting Video
====Transcript====

Hello everybody! Christine Chandler, coming to you live from home once again, and this time it's for a Christmas greeting!

[''Chris starts reading from his Phone'']

Ah!... Mr. Thomas you are hereby granted a Merrrry Christmas! [[Speech impediment|from your Uncle-from your Uncle Gubsy...]] Yuuuuup Uncle Gubsy! says.

[''In a deep voice'']

Merry Christmas Tom.

[''In Chris's "Normal Voice"'']

Grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub.

[''Chris breaks into song'']

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ Your a catapult-pult-pult! ♪

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ YOUR A CATUUUUUUUAAALT! ♪

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]|nextlink= }}
{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Merry Gubmas!

2018-12-31T05:37:14Z

Rader627: /* Transcript */

This page lists the [[Paid Video Requests|video requests]] that Chris was paid to do in December 2018.

==Merry Gubmas!==
A [[Christmas]] greeting to "Uncle Gubsy". Note that Chris was late in his delivery, uploading this '''three days after Christmas.'''

{{Infobox/video
| name = Merry Gubmas!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yDSFu2LTA10}}
| stardate = 28 December 2018
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = The Classic 2.0
| previous = [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]
| next = [[Chris lost Crystal]]

}}

====Description====
Paid Holiday Greeting Video
====Transcript====

Hello everybody! Christine Chandler, coming to you live from home once again, and this time it's for a Christmas greeting!

[''Chris starts reading from his Phone'']

Ah! Mr. Thomas you are hereby granted a Merrrry Christmas! [[Speech impediment|from your Uncle-from your Uncle Gubsy...]] Yuuuuup Uncle Gubsy! says.

[''In a deep voice'']

Merry Christmas Tom.

[''In Chris's "Normal Voice"'']

Grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub.

[''Chris breaks into song'']

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ Your a catapult-pult-pult! ♪

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ YOUR A CATUUUUUUUAAALT! ♪

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]|nextlink= }}
{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

User:Rader627

2018-12-31T05:27:39Z

Rader627:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJNkYvLe7Bk
{{Naive}}

Relics of Fail

2018-12-31T05:18:26Z

Rader627: /* Inventions of Fail */

{{protip|Have you "discovered" a new Relic of Fail? Make sure it's considered a relic under the [[Talk:Relics of Fail#A Taxonomy of Fail|the Taxonomy of Fail]].}}

The '''Relics of Fail''', also known as '''Christorical Artefacts''', are several items that Chris places significant emotional value on. Most of the fates of these relics are unknown following the [[Destruction of Chris's House|fire at 14 Branchland Court]], but several relics, including the [[Sonic Totem]], the [[Megatron Pistol]] and the [[Crumple-Lope]] are confirmed to have survived, with others likely to have escaped serious damage as well.

==The Major Relics==
[[Image:Chrischan sonichu medal.jpg|thumb|[[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion, Mark 1]]]]

* [[Amnyfest Ring]] - Since the Sonichu medallions were stolen, Chris has claimed this [[Chris and English|mysteriously]]-named high school ring is the TRUE source of his power. He has since put the ring up on Ebay, claiming his true source of power is within himself.
* [[Attraction Sign]] - A relic of days past when Chris had not yet been told by his mother that soliciting using a sign made him look retarded. Many versions existed, [[Mary Lee Walsh|most were destroyed]]. The most recent sight of this to date was at [[Fridays After Five]].
* [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC on TV'' DVD]] - A DVD composed of many home videos among other things, such as his [[Song of Christian]].
* [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] - Apparently convinced this counts as a real guitar, Chris is often seen with his beloved ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controller in attempts to look cool. It invariably has the opposite effect.
* [[Medallions of Fail|Medallions]] - Hunks of Crayola-brand modeling clay fashioned into the shape of Sonichu's head, among other characters' heads. Once believed by trolls to be the source of his power, they were swiftly corrected, and now Chris shows off his Amnyfest Ring to show that his videos are true and honest. Chris eventually began production selling new medallions on [[eBay]] in [[2014]].
* [[The Classic]] - Chris's famous blue, white and red rugby shirt. Formerly thought to have been destroyed during the fire of 2014, Chris later rediscovered it in a damp and grimy bag of clothes, and put it up for sale on eBay after "restoring" by cleaning it the shirt and poorly patching it up.
* [[PS3]] - Chris's life upgrade and the biggest drain on his [[Monthly Tugboat]]. Chris is now on to his [[The MovingForward videos|second PS3]].
* [[PSEye]] - The window through which trolls can catch glimpses of Chris and his day-to-day life.
* [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] - The other, more high-quality window to Chris's world.
* [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] - A three-ring binder containing all of Chris's comic pages and other drawings.
* [[Patti Chandler|Patti's corpse and doghouse]] - Chris's beloved dog who is buried in the Chandlers backyard under her doghouse.
* [[Hair|Locks of Chris's hair]] - Probably the only Relic to have been obtained by trolls which actually comes from Chris's own body.
* Gift Basket of Fail - In a [[:File:Virginbreaker.png|private facebook note]], Chris said that he had given a gift basket to the [[Mia Hamm|woman who took his virginity]]. This relic might not actually exist, as some suspect that "gift basket" is actually a [[CWC-isms|euphemism]] for [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|payment given to a prostitute]]. Alternatively, some suspect that Chris had [[List of Chris's lies|made up]] the story of how he lost his virginity and that it didn't happen at all.
* The [[Un-clit]] - A piercing on Chris's [[:wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] that was made on 15 September 2014. Chris believes that this piece of metal will be useful to him should he engage in [[:wikipedia:tribadism|tribadism]] with a female.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> It later became inflamed, prompting Chris to re-pierce it and then remove it forever.
* The [[self-inflicted taint wound]] - This time, Chris, not content with a mere piercing, took a knife and '''sliced his taint open'''. He then had to be persuaded to get medical care by the very people who troll him.
* Samples of Chris's [[Semen]] - a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULDGgv35otw video] that was uploaded on 26 February 2016 reveals that Chris has been saving samples of his semen and storing them in his home fridge. In the video Chris showed two samples of semen, one that was produced recently and [https://kiwifar.ms/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FWaGaBf7.png&hash=d898fbfa3c196d9601d96f5c237a8ee8 another one from 18 May 2015].

==The Minor Relics==
[[Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|thumb|[[Son-Chu]]]]

* [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - A short tract produced by Chris and given as a birthday gift to his [[gal-pal]] [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. The document chronicles the lives of its two title characters and the (almost non-existent) relationship they had while depicting them (and several of their friends and family) as Sonichu characters. The tract's current fate is unknown, although it is more than likely to have been thrown away by Sarah shortly after receiving it.
* [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' issue]] - A lengthy homemade issue of ''Nintendo Power'', crafted to show Sonic ditching Sega to join [[Nintendo]] and revealing a little bit of what Chris wants in a [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' game]].
* [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] - An odd-looking creation, though more original than most of his works. Born of [[Pixelblocks]], it is used in the comics to summon his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]].
* [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]] - A bra that Chris wears to keep his [[manboobs]] in check. He believes that everyone will be turned [[Homos|gay]] if they don't wear one, too.
* [[Pedo-Glasses]] - Have you ever noticed how most [[pedofork|pedophiles]] and rapists in composite sketches wear these kinds of glasses? Yeah, don't think too hard about that.
* [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] - Yet another vessel for Chris's video game obsession. Chris, in typical fashion, has decorated it with images of his flagship character and his own face.
* [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' Poster]] - Chris uses this poster to keep himself [[straight]].
* [[Son-Chu]] - Chris's beaten old station wagon, now nearly two years overdue for an oil change. Has been replaced twice over the years. Also appears in the comic as one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]].

==The Lesser Relics==
[[Image:TG8.jpg|thumb|[[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]]]]

* [[Anime Wings]] - A pair of women's hairclips that Chris got at [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]]. For some reason, Chris felt the need to incorporate them into his comic.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt Buckle]] - Not a very well-known relic, but nonetheless extremely amusing.
* [[Clown Doll]] - A harmless-looking clown doll, significant in that it often bears the brunt of Chris's fury in his many rage videos.
* [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|Home]][[Three-Quarter Woman|made CDs]] - Chris has made a life out of burning homemade CDs with his own crappy artwork on it. The first notable one was the birth of everybody's favorite [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. The second notable was a CD supposedly made for his [[sweetheart]] [[Catherine]], but in reality it was [[Chris and his ego|all about him]]. The third notable, ''Songs Between Friends: A CD for Christian & Sarah'', is a mystery one made for [[Sarah Hammer]] on 22 July 2003. Virtually nothing is known about this disc and its track list; its existence and the date in which it was made are attested solely by a [[:File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|drawing]] from Chris's [[Scrapbook]].
* [[Fapcup]] - A plastic cup used by Chris to collect his [[semen]] for [[recycling]].
* [[Li'l Chris]] - A stuffed bear created at "Create-a-Crear Workshop".
* [[Megatron pistol|Megatron Pistol]] - A toy handgun Chris uses to [[Death threats|threaten]] his most hated [[trolls|foes]].
* [[Plush Breasts|Plush Boobs of Fail]] - A pair of fake breasts often seen in his videos, possibly used as a sign of heterosexual virility and as a [[mass debating]] tool.
* [[Pocket knife]] - A knife that Chris can't handle at all.
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] - A Poké Ball-shaped pedometer originally packaged with the [[Pokémon|''Pokémon HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']] versions, recolored in the image of one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].
* [[Sex toys]] - Lots and lots of sex toys, including sex dolls, a vibrator, a dildo, a penis pump, a [[Un-clit|strap]] from the dildo, anal beads, penis rings and two Fleshlights.
* [[Sonic Totem]] - A demonic looking papier-mâché Sonic that Chris made, and appears in few videos. It has since been [[Sonic Totem and More|sold]] for $1,500 on [[eBay]].
* [[Unicorn cosplay]] - A set of unicorn ears, a horn, and a tail that Chris got at [[BronyCon]] 2017. Chris has since worn these accessories outdoors, and even to church, where he was asked to remove it.
* [[Nintendo|Wiimote of Fail]] - Like the PSP and ''Guitar Hero'' controller, this poor Wiimote has been decked out in Sonichu colors and was used in Chris's attempts to get [[Miyamoto]] to make him a video game.
* [[List of toys|Other miscellaneous toys]] - Too many to count; can be seen in Chris's videos and photographs cluttering all over his room. The most notable ones have been listed in this article.
* [[List of Chris's games|Various video games]] and their respective consoles - Thousands of dollars have been spent on them, some of it right from the [[Monthly Tugboat|pockets of the American taxpayers]]. Chris sold some of those games and consoles to [[Snooky's Pawn Shop]], where they were later obtained by [[Clyde Cash]].

==Artwork of Fail==
* [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] - Even the simple task of drawing a straight line to depict a drinking straw evades Chrissy.

==Inventions of Fail==
[[File:Tesla.jpg|thumb|[[wikipedia:Nikola Tesla|Nikola Tesla]], another famous inventor who had a mental disorder. The similarities end at this point.]]

{{quote|"Necessity is the mother of invention", and I have invented quite a few crafts that have served me well.|Chris's reply to "Leonardo da Vinci", CWCipedia [[Mailbag]].}}

Chris is truly a renaissance man, with many '''inventions''' to his credit. He draws [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], makes [[YouTube|videos]], is an accomplished [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|singer]], models sculptures out of [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]], provides voices for the [[Official Videobooks]], and much more. But being the [[David Alan Chandler|second]] son of the outstanding inventor [[Bob Chandler]], the man who designed controls for plastic water container molding machines (without which Chris would have no [[Fapcup|cup]] from which to [[Recycling|drink]] his [[Semen|navy]]), our hero just couldn't suppress his natural talent to invent. Thus, Chris added being an inventor extraordinaire to his long list of "accomPLISHments."

In [[November 2009]], Chris received an [[Mailbag 1#Chris the inventor|e-mail]] from a [[Troll|fan]] roleplaying as the late Leonardo da Vinci, one of the great artists with whom Chris has compared himself [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|in the past]] (managing to forget the great Italian's name and misspell his surname). Leo ironically stated that he considers Chris his [[Chris and art|"artistic equal"]], and asked if the [[autistic]] [[Chris and English|genius]] has a similar knack to making inventions, for which Leonardo himself was famous. Being the egotistical and vain person he is, Chris could not allow even Leonardo da Vinci to excel him in any field. Chris was quick to assure Mr. da Vinci in his [[Mailbag]] reply that he is, indeed, an inventor as well, and proceeded to list three of the most outstanding of his inventions.

'''The Four Great Inventions of Christian Weston Chandler'''

'''I.''' The "One set of Inventions" including:
*[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]];
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]];
*City of [[CWCville]]. (Not really inventions so much as they are fictional concepts, and [[Chris and Copyright|incredibly derivative ones]], at that.) Of course, given [[Chris and reality|Chris's tenuous grasp on reality]], he may not realize this.

'''II.''' A "heavy-duty case", "built from [[Lego]]s and held together with tape", whose main purpose is "to hold [his] 20+ [[Card games#Pokémon TCG|Pok'emon]] [sic] Trading Card Game Decks with an area designed for damage counters, die and such". This is something that may have been a significant accomplishment for say, a 9-year-old, but when a 28-year-old man lists something he built with Lego as an "invention," it can only evoke facepalming. Moreover, Chris did not invent Legos; he merely put them together.

'''III.''' The [[Dating education|Dating Education Class]], which is purely theoretical, and therefore hasn't even been invented yet.

'''IV.''' The [[iDea Book Case]], whose main purpose is to store Chris's iOS products.

==The Shrines of Fail==
* [[The Wall of Originals]] - A monument to the wastes of time known as Chris's original ''Pokémon'' cards.
* [[Megan Shrine]] - Chris's display of his disturbing obsession with the one [[Megan|girl]] he thought he truly had a chance at, but [[She Came for CWC|never will]].

==The Holy Fails==
{{protip|Procure one of these and drop info about them, and you will be a god amongst men.}}
While not traditional relics in such that Chris has emotional value, per say, these are Chris-related relics that are of immense value to trolls but, like the fabled Holy Grail, seem impossible to obtain.

* [[Autism papers|Autism Papers]] - Presumably papers detailing Chris's exact psychological diagnosis. While a psychiatric survey from [[2004]] has been procured, the original papers documenting Chris's diagnosis are currently locked away in a filing cabinet in [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] room.
* '''Transcripts and Report Cards''' - Chris's transcripts and report cards, to verify whether if he was indeed on [[honor roll]] and to what degree his claims about his high school grades are true.
* '''Recording of Chris's screaming''' - Chris claims that during his time in [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] several members of the school's faculty restrained him to the ground and recorded his screaming.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref> If this recording indeed exists<ref>See the article [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] for reasons to doubt Chris's several accounts of the Greene County incident.</ref> than it is very likely to have been destroyed by now.
* '''The court records from Bob and Barb's lawsuit against the Greene County Public Schools'''
* '''Chris and Barb's mugshots from July 2005 and October 2011'''
* '''Chris's KCWC recording for [[Cole]]'s birthday in July [[2000]]'''
* '''The original cut of Chris's [[Pixelated PS3]] video.'''
* '''The [[Crumple-Lope]]''' - an envelope residing in the Scrapbook of Fail that stored torn-up remnants of Chris's most-regretted drawings. Even after the 14 Branchland Court fire it still happens to be intact.

== References ==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Pocket knife

2018-12-31T04:00:25Z

Rader627: /* See also */

[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|How Chris wishes he could use the knife.|thumb|left]]
[[File:147-LightKnife.jpg|Now in card form!|thumb|right]]

Chris's '''pocket knife''', given to him by the [[Monthly tugboat|powers that be]], was one of his means of [[Death threats|threatening]] the [[trolls]] and [[Jerks|anyone else]] who stands in the way of [[China|true love]]. It is a small, multi-bladed "Swiss Army"-style tool, first seen in videos from early March 2010.

It's likely that the only reason he chose a blade was because it was cheaper and easier to get than a [[Megatron pistol|gun that didn't turn into a robot]].

It is interesting to note that a blade was [[Liquid Chris]]'s weapon of choice in [[Sonichu Special 4]]. The irony is probably lost on Chris.

== Use of knife ==
[[File:CutFromPocketKnife.jpg|thumb|right|How Chris managed to get this cut ''now'' and not years before is anybody's guess.]]

In [[Don't Mess With Me]], after Chris gets (the invisible) [[Clyde Cash]] into a headlock, he tries to take the knife out of his pocket, succeeding only on the second attempt. After fiddling with it for a good three seconds, he manages to get the blade out. He then uses it to slit Clyde's imaginary throat.

In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], he brings it out again. After fiddling with it for a good ''eight'' seconds in a futile attempt to fold out the main cutting blade, he gives up and proceeds to effortlessly take out the corkscrew tool, using it to threaten his new foe, Surfshack Tito.

Chris believes his knife is the cure to all of his troll problems. In his threats to this very [[CWCki]], delivered on 14 March 2010, he claimed that "he is armed," evidently in reference to his newfound weapon. Obviously, Chris is overestimating the power of the blade and his competence with it. Given Chris's awkward fighting style and an absence of muscle, disarming Chris would be a simple task for most able bodied people. Were he to actually use it in a fight, the mere act of opening it would give even the slowest opponent ample time to [[Kick the Autistic|kick him]] in the [[duck]]. Not only that, he'd have to travel all around [[United States of America|America]], if not the world, to find every one of his major enemies.

After 4 years of dormancy, the pocket knife returned on 4 [[June 2015]], where Chris revealed on [[Facebook]] that his [[Chris and...|utter foolishness]] resulted in him cutting his finger deeply and having to go to the ER to get it stitched.

==Spotted in==
*[[Don't Mess With Me]]
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
*[[The MovingForward videos]]

{{Clear}}
==See also==
* [[Fangs]]: Chris's previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Megatron Pistol]]: Chris's other previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[26 December 2014|Pepper spray]]: Chris's former weapon that he actually used to inflict injury.
* [[Cutco]]: The makers of mediocre, yet more intimidating knives.
* [[Baseball bat]]: Chris's latest weapon which he keeps stored in his backpack.

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Chris and fashion

2018-12-31T02:47:51Z

Rader627: /* Wardrobe */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris' [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|St. John's Bay®]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>, but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Tomgirl fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late tomgirl fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|left|150px]]
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing My Little Pony clothing, and has started donning a set of [[Unicorn cosplay|unicorn ears and a horn]], as well as [[Sailor Moon]] tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|3]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|1]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"Big baggy blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]

Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]].

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris Kisses Cryzel

2018-12-31T02:43:20Z

Rader627: /* Video */

{{Incomplete}}
On 26 [[December 2018]], Twitter user FFEMemberLukas (aka Lukas Simpkins, a member of the [[Teen Troon Squad]]) uploaded a video of Chris hanging out at his (mom's) house. The video was quickly deleted, but was preserved.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris with Teen Troon Squad
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=CHO7-l6T4r4}}
| stardate = 26 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{ParappaShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[December_2018_videos#Sylvia_is_playful|Sylvia is playful]]
| next =
}}
===Description===
{{quotebox|hi! im lukas, the one 'magi chan,' doxxed, and heres a lovely video of christine having a sweet moment with her wife}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris frenchkisses and hugs the air while [[wikipedia:Stone Sour|Stone Sour]]'s "[[wikipedia:Through Glass|Through Glass]]" plays in the background''] I love you, [[Cryzel]]. [''points to air''] My lovely wife, my lovely lady, ladies and gentlemen, ha ha ha ha ha!

'''Other Woman''': She's very pretty!

Thank you!

User:Rader627

2018-12-31T01:31:55Z

Rader627: Created page with "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJNkYvLe7Bk"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJNkYvLe7Bk

Father Call

2018-12-31T01:12:48Z

Rader627: /* Summary */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]]. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the most blunt personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his ego|egotism]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's Rights|general treatment towards Kacey]], and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial]] [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]], and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''[[Documentary|Portal]]'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often.
* Chris sighs constantly during the call - to a point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times.''
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tend to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). Trying to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy nor large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out Matthew is older and deserves respect (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt asks him what he learned from the novel, and Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his [[Bruce Johnson|elementary school principal]] and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's own version of the song, Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu_Special_4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him--Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was--despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew.) Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh... [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down…

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to… Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I… [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in…

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your [[Patti Chandler|little dog,]] playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot…

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of…

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to… [''stress sigh'']… heavy weights! I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate…

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing…

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I… oh! And you don't think…!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]… That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' What… what the fu… are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this… are you comparing…

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life…

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is… I mean… this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful…

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like… of course, you remember when we lost grandma…

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it…

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like…

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah…

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well… yeah…

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah… [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well… believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You… are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read… was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I… have… learned… that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lennie throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's…

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah… did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is… just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus… hm… Atticus… hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss… man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I… I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff… candy… don't… I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell…

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're…[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't… with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS…

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after… a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but… how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe… maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't… [''sputters'']… don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well… yeah, well, I can't…

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I…

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so… you may not think so…

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she… she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look…

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it… I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I… wh… no. [''pause''] I, I… [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just… [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is… this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is… she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W… well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around… what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No…

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than…

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about…

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that…

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']…

'''Matthew:''' You don't… it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just…

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O… kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me… Tell me… How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to… how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That… I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really… Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long… Do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say…

'''Matthew:''' And play… Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking…

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright… [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that… yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine…

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't… Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I…

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah… let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well…

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is… that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you…

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like… a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly… as a friend… a true friend, a good friend…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image…

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I… am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual…

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic… if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't… do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You… you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I… I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't… That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because… I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would… [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No… [''exasperated sigh'']… no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''…?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is… Man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so… [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'… you crossed the line. You've just… you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you… wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I… no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making… mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even…?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel… [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay… here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli… What are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with… I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school… prinstapull… and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of…

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I… it was not a retard! No… It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not…

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy… This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental… If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res… I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's… that's… that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't… I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that… I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you… have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes… anything, any of this creepy… shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well… first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet…

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of… I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean… I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's… $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm… let's see… That would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least… They're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well… good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you…

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's… that's…

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe… You know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything…di, uh… Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess… maybe I… did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say… good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Merry Gubmas!

2018-12-31T00:59:47Z

Rader627: /* Transcript */

This page lists the [[Paid Video Requests|video requests]] that Chris was paid to do in December 2018.

==Merry Gubmas!==
A [[Christmas]] greeting to "Uncle Gubsy". Note that Chris was late in his delivery, uploading this '''three days after Christmas.'''

{{Infobox/video
| name = Merry Gubmas!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yDSFu2LTA10}}
| stardate = 28 December 2018
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = The Classic 2.0
| previous = [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]
| next = [[Chris lost Crystal]]

}}

====Description====
Paid Holiday Greeting Video
====Transcript====

Hello everybody! Christine Chandler, coming to you live from home once again, and this time it's for a Christmas greeting!

[Chris starts reading from his Phone]

Ah! Mr. Thomas you are hereby granted a Merrrry Christmas! [[Speech impediment|from your Uncle-from your Uncle Gubsy...]] Yuuuuup Uncle Gubsy! says.

[In a deep voice]

Merry Christmas Tom.

[In Chris's "Normal Voice"]

Grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub.

[Chris breaks into song]

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ Your a catapult-pult-pult! ♪

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ YOUR A CATUUUUUUUAAALT! ♪

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]|nextlink= }}
{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Merry Gubmas!

2018-12-31T00:58:54Z

Rader627:

This page lists the [[Paid Video Requests|video requests]] that Chris was paid to do in December 2018.

==Merry Gubmas!==
A [[Christmas]] greeting to "Uncle Gubsy". Note that Chris was late in his delivery, uploading this '''three days after Christmas.'''

{{Infobox/video
| name = Merry Gubmas!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yDSFu2LTA10}}
| stardate = 28 December 2018
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = The Classic 2.0
| previous = [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]
| next = [[Chris lost Crystal]]

}}

====Description====
Paid Holiday Greeting Video
====Transcript====
{{Transcript}}
Hello everybody! Christine Chandler, coming to you live from home once again, and this time it's for a Christmas greeting!

[Chris starts reading from his Phone]

Ah! Mr. Thomas you are hereby granted a Merrrry Christmas! [[Speech impediment|from your Uncle-from your Uncle Gubsy...]] Yuuuuup Uncle Gubsy! says.

[In a deep voice]

Merry Christmas Tom.

[In Chris's "Normal Voice"]

Grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub grub.

[Chris breaks into song]

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ Your a catapult-pult-pult! ♪

♪ What is Love? Love? Love? ♪

♪ Love is Love! Love! Love! ♪

♪ And when you have a lot of it it it! ♪

♪ YOUR A CATUUUUUUUAAALT! ♪

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris with Teen Troon Squad]]|nextlink= }}
{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Father Call

2018-12-30T23:08:32Z

Rader627: /* Video */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]]. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the most blunt personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his ego|egotism]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's Rights|general treatment towards Kacey]], and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial]] [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]], and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''[[Documentary|Portal]]'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often.
* Chris sighs constantly during the call - to a point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times.''
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tend to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). Trying to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy nor large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out Matthew is older and deserves respect (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt asks him what he learned from the novel, and Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his elementary school principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's own version of the song, Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu_Special_4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him--Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was--despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew.) Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh... [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down…

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to… Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I… [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in…

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your [[Patti Chandler|little dog,]] playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot…

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of…

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to… [''stress sigh'']… heavy weights! I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate…

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing…

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I… oh! And you don't think…!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]… That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' What… what the fu… are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this… are you comparing…

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life…

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is… I mean… this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful…

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like… of course, you remember when we lost grandma…

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it…

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like…

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah…

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well… yeah…

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah… [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well… believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You… are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read… was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I… have… learned… that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lennie throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's…

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah… did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is… just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus… hm… Atticus… hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss… man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I… I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff… candy… don't… I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell…

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're…[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't… with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS…

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after… a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but… how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe… maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't… [''sputters'']… don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well… yeah, well, I can't…

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I…

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so… you may not think so…

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she… she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look…

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it… I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I… wh… no. [''pause''] I, I… [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just… [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is… this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is… she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W… well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around… what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No…

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than…

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about…

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that…

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']…

'''Matthew:''' You don't… it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just…

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O… kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me… Tell me… How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to… how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That… I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really… Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long… Do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say…

'''Matthew:''' And play… Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking…

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright… [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that… yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine…

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't… Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I…

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah… let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well…

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is… that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you…

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like… a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly… as a friend… a true friend, a good friend…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image…

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I… am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual…

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic… if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't… do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You… you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I… I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't… That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because… I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would… [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No… [''exasperated sigh'']… no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''…?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is… Man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so… [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'… you crossed the line. You've just… you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you… wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I… no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making… mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even…?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel… [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay… here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli… What are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with… I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school… prinstapull… and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of…

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I… it was not a retard! No… It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not…

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy… This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental… If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res… I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's… that's… that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't… I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that… I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you… have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes… anything, any of this creepy… shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well… first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet…

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of… I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean… I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's… $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm… let's see… That would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least… They're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well… good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you…

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's… that's…

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe… You know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything…di, uh… Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess… maybe I… did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say… good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2018-12-30T19:27:32Z

Rader627: /* Video */

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|"I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!"]]

The '''Kacey and Liquid Call''' is the penultimate [[Phone calls|phone call]] in the [[Kacey calls|Kacey saga]], taking place on an unknown date somewhere between the [[Father Call]] and [[The End For Real (Kacey call)|The End For Real]]. It was leaked by [[Bryan Bash]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 [[November 2009]].

In this call, [[Solid Chris]], who was suffering from a significant amount of burnout from the aforementioned Father Call, tries to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general to [[Kacey]]. What is already an emotionally-damaging call for Chris gets even more awkward when [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Solid loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match between the two. Meanwhile, Solid repeatedly shows Kacey how much he is unworthy of her love. [[Borb]] also makes an appearance as Solid hides behind their skirts.

==Summary==
===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be [[Chris and Reality|closer to real life]], though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly tards out. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her father is right; Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:37)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about her. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her [[Obesity|fat]]. She points out that [[Women's rights|her face isn't under her shirt]] when Chris claims to have been looking at her face.

====Here Come the Drums (22:38-30:17)====
Things take a truly interesting turn when the TRUE and HONEST Chris arrives home and picks up the phone on Kacey's end. This triggers a long shouting match between him and Solid, punctuated by Solid repeatedly yelling at Liquid for calling him "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]". Noting how much he lies, Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license. Liquid then notes how Solid is [[Obesity|fat]], which really [[Tard rage|pisses him off]] and leads him to shout insults at Liquid (while constantly saying how hurt he is by Liquid insulting ''him''). Liquid then says he is going to the [[jerkops]] with the gun comic.

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think that Chris is autistic, saying he acts more bipolar than anything. Solid [[Death threats|invites Liquid over to his house]], but Kacey is worried that he will get shot (Solid ''did'' draw himself doing exactly that in the comic, after all). When it is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were "making passionate love to each other" at [[14 Branchland Court]], Solid is sent into a frenzy and continues yelling at Liquid. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is far too busy being worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson instead of paying attention to what she is saying.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey says her dad gave Liquid his blessing, not Solid. Liquid has a job and will turn ''[[Sonichu]]'' into a real franchise. Chris whines about [[Honest Content|truth and honesty]], and proceeds to wake up [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Kacey is embarrassed and pissed off after she overhears Barb telling him to "hang up on the bitch". She tells him to fuck off, because she felt beyond offended that he didn't even defend her from being called a bitch by her supposed boyfriend's own ''mother'', and declares that she'll marry Liquid. Solid exits the call, but not before telling Liquid that he will out him as the liar.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey & Liquid Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Ep6VulN-QdM}}
| Stardate = ???
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]; [[Liquid]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Father Call]]
| next = [[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]
}} </center>

'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?

'''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, [[Sonichu Special 4|comic pages]] I sent ya?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um...I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You, you, you ''shot'' [[Liquid|Chris]]!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g—, so he wouldn’t co—, so he wouldn't chase after us.

'''Kacey:''' But that's, that's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well...Okay, well...[[Chris and remorse|I'm sorry.]]

'''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was appropriate? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [briefly cries and sniffles]

'''Kacey:''' I mean...

'''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...

'''Kacey:''' ...he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!

'''Chris:''' Well, he came after me, well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a [[Pocket knife|''knife'']]!

'''Kacey:''' But, but, but ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to, to kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it, I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!

'''Chris:''' Mmm...Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa—, I, I don't...Would you rather have, I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?

'''Kacey:''' Well, I, I'd rather you...

'''Chris:''' Or—

'''Kacey:''' ...not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'', it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the...I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real—, ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—

'''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that...

'''Chris:''' —y’know—

'''Kacey:''' ...you would shoot him in real life?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well, in se—, in self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my, in that, in, y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... in real life, I ''would'' appre—, I would, uh, try, I would, uh—

'''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?

'''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t, I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off, based off the, uh, based off...[[Megatron pistol|Generation 1 Megatron]].

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on, on...[[Transformers|''Transformers'']]? What?

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the, I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron, y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?

'''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like, like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just, I mean, like, I was expecting, like, you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well...Well, I did not realize you want-, you wanted me to...cute it up a little, cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want, I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute, that cute, that, uh— that...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.

'''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you, you shot him.

'''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only, I mean, I can, I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe, yeah, may—, yeah, I can make it less viol—, ''violent''. Okay?

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but, yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.

'''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for...I did not mean for it to—

'''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're, you’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean...

'''Chris:''' Well—

'''Kacey:''' ...it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I...Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...

'''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well...Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh, like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?

'''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.

'''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And, and then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.

'''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, and especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can, I can, I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can, I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.

'''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It, It's, I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th—, you did this...after [[Father Call|the thing with my ''father'']], and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has'', nobody ''else'' has to see it.

'''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well...my, in my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.

'''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.

'''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—

'''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?

'''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like, you never clean [[Chris's room|your room]]; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole [[McDonald's]] thing. So—

'''Chris:''' Okay—

'''Kacey:''' —I mean—

'''Chris:''' —see, I, I, I...Okay. Well, I ''have'' d—, I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I, I—

'''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I, I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.

'''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have.

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' You, you've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean...

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' ...I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou—, um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.

'''Chris:''' It’s like...Okay...

'''Kacey:''' You complained...

'''Chris:''' ...it’s like, over...

'''Kacey:''' ...to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.

'''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Okay—

'''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.

'''Kacey:''' Have you, have you, did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're...

'''Chris:''' I jog—

'''Kacey:''' ...doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.

'''Kacey:''' No, you said you j—, you just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?

'''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?

'''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis—, I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—

'''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.

'''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do.

'''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can.

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.

'''Chris:''' And I do.

'''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you, you show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And, and, and, and...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I, okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?

'''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It, it's too late. You, I mean, it's ''done''.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well, we're, well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?

'''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' You’re right...

'''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that [[LittleBigPlanet#A Fun First Date|date level]] for me. I heard you made it for [[Julie|another girl]]. That's ''so'' disrespectful.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I, uh, before I, I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a [[BlueSpike|''dude'']].

'''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy, ’cause you already had it ''done''!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' But, but, but ''still'', the, but still...

'''Kacey:''' That's not the point!

'''Chris:''' ...I created the whole new level of—

'''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...

'''Chris:''' I had, I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I, I, I sent it to you.

'''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in—, instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.

'''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba—[''stress sighs''] Well, I m—, I mis''worded'' that. I meant, I m—, I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?

'''Kacey:''' No...I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.

'''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS, NO, I WAS, NO, I HAD, I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already. I had it ''started'', after I had, I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I, and I had it almost done. I just, just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—

'''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.

'''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—

'''Kacey:''' Like what?

'''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—

'''Kacey:''' What do you—

'''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—

'''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.

'''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—

'''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!

'''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli—, I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work. So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it, actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.

'''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my [[Chris's resume|resume]].

[''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. That's not a good way to get a job!

'''Chris:''' There's more. I mean, y’know, c’mon. there's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—

'''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.

'''Chris:''' And definitely, and definitely did the volunteer work at the, for the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.

'''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!

'''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.

'''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.

'''Chris:''' Yes, well...Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.

'''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.

'''Chris:''' Don't say that. Don't say that, that just makes me, that just makes me feel bad. I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.

'''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just, you don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|that whole video]] you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.

'''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.

'''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.

'''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.

'''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.

'''Chris:''' Those were real tears.

'''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.

'''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] or something. You mentioned that to my dad... That creeped my dad out! And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him! What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?

'''Chris:''' I think about, like, how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.

'''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...

'''Chris:''' And how you care about me.

'''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?

'''Chris:''' I care about you very much.

'''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.

'''Chris:''' I worry about you—

'''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.

'''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...

'''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?

'''Chris:''' In my defense—

'''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if you pissed me off...if I pissed you off! Come on!

'''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.

'''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!

'''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.

'''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.

'''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I...When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.

'''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.

[''dramatic pause'']

'''Chris:''' Because I'm not...Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—

'''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good. Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.

'''Chris:''' I'm most of...I mean, most of the time I'm [[Honest Content|honest]]. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.

'''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a "little lie". You lie all the time! That's pathetic!

'''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.

'''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like, come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance! First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me! I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat, and on the other hand, you're like staring at me the whole time!

'''Chris:''' I was looking at your face. I stare at your face.

'''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']

'''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.

'''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...

'''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?

'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Liquid:''' Hmm...

'''Chris:''' Hello? Yeah—

'''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.

'''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?

'''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.

'''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.

'''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.

'''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson."

'''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid, shut your mouth! You are, you are, you are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...

'''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?

'''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my, you saw my driver's license!

'''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?

'''Liquid:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!

'''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!

'''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!

'''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your—, yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!

'''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!

'''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!

'''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...

'''Liquid:''' Shut up!

'''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just, you're the copycat!

'''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my, my moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...

'''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!

'''Liquid:''' No, you can't even...No...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.

'''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!}}

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.

'''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less, I weigh a lot less than that, you, you {{RageQuote|WEAK LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!}}

'''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']

'''Kacey:''' Like you would know...

'''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and, and calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...

'''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!

'''Chris:''' What the hell have you got, have you had against me that...What the hell have you had against me that was like, that came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!

'''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright, I have the copyright and you do not.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes, oh, yes I do! Your [[copyright]] is a forgery! But anyway! All this, all this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have, why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?

'''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...

'''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!}}

'''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!

'''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my, my, has been my God-given name my entire life!

'''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...

'''Liquid:''' No it's, it's not! [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...

'''Liquid:''' No!

'''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.

'''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine, Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.

'''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...

'''Chris:''' You've never been to [[Manchester High School]]!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four, for four damn years!

'''Chris:''' You, but you, you stand right next...I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the, was the, one of the teachers over at Manchester High School...

'''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...

'''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!

'''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That, this, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."

'''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get, but he, he just came in and...came against me...

'''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...

'''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my, pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to, relationship between me and Kacey.

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, yeah, no, you would not even, you wouldn't have access to her if it, if it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...

'''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!}}

'''Kacey:''' God! How [[naïve]]! What relationship?

'''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has, not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!

'''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me, of you calling me all that, when ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...

'''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?

'''Liquid:''' No! No!

'''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, uh, okay, well, I'm sorry...

'''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...

'''Chris:''' MY NAME, MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!

'''Liquid:''' No, I already know, I have found out who you are.

'''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?

'''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!

'''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!

'''Liquid:''' You are na—, you are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!

'''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at [[14 Branchland Court]] in [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia]]! Just, just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go, look it up...

'''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...

'''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?

'''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!

'''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!

'''Chris:''' If I knew where, if I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.

'''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!

'''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the, you are not Christian Weston, you are not me! You are not...

'''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!

'''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!

'''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!

'''Chris:''' No, you are not!

'''Liquid:''' And, not only that...

'''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to [[jerkops|the police]].

'''Liquid:''' I will.

'''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...

'''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...

'''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the [[autism]], who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!

'''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to, you're trying to get off on my...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.

'''Chris:''' I have...

'''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.

'''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!

'''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.

'''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.

'''Liquid:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come, I invite you to...write this down. 14 Branchland Court-

'''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?

'''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...

'''Chris:''' No, that is, that is my address. You, you, you have never even been...

'''Liquid:''' No, you're just...you already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...

'''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...

'''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?

'''Liquid:''' I am there right now!

'''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!

'''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.

'''Chris:''' You are not, you are, you are not in that address!

'''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!

'''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!

'''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!

'''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...

'''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!

'''Kacey:''' What?

'''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?

'''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah...No, you listen, you listen, you listen, hey, you listen to me!

'''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?

'''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.

'''Chris:''' Right.

'''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am, I am telling you, this, this accusation of, of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that. It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I, it just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...

'''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to...I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.

'''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!

'''Chris:''' It is not!

'''Liquid:''' It is!

'''Chris:''' Kacey...

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...

'''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...

'''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!

'''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.

'''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where, exactly where we were making passionate love.

'''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you, you, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!

'''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey...Yeah, okay...

'''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.

'''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...

'''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.

'''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!

'''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...

'''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!

'''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it, you know it, you know that I'm true, please, believe— Please, Kacey, don't do, don't do this...

'''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...

'''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.

'''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy, okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.

'''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are, you have always just been this naïve, because that's all, that's all you've ever been, just a...

'''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...

'''Liquid:''' Just shut up.

'''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay, well, you can have, okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...

'''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah, shut up! Yeah!

'''Chris:''' ...but you, but you, but I say, you know, but you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler, I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!

'''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!

'''Chris:''' No, you do not!

'''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!

'''Chris:''' No, you, no, you are not! You are not! I am, I am. You are not! I am!

'''Liquid:''' You are not, you're just a nobody!

'''Chris:''' You're, you're just a, you're, no, you're the, no, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!

'''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.

'''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']

'''Liquid:''' Shut up.

'''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.

'''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!

'''Liquid:''' No, you are!

'''Kacey:''' WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, ''WHOA!''

'''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.

'''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not, you know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...

'''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!

'''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.

'''Liquid:''' I draw, I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.

'''Chris:''' He, he, but he does not have the same drawing style I's drew, I do, I showed you my, it was right there in front of you at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]]!

'''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.

'''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.

'''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!

'''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.

'''Chris:''' Because he has...

'''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!

'''Chris:''' He's only prete—, he's only pretending that, he's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.

'''Chris:''' No, I, no, I do care about you, Kacey!

'''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...

'''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!

'''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...

'''Liquid:''' Shut up.

'''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! I have been [[Honest Content|honest]] and true! [''Chris begins breaking down in tears'']

'''Liquid:''' You have not!

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...

'''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!

'''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taken Kacey?

'''Barbara:''' Well, good...

'''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that, God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the ''real'' [[Robert Chandler]] in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.

'''Bob:''' What the...Well, what's going on? You there?

'''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?

'''Bob:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Who is this?

'''Bob:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hello?

'''Bob:''' Who is this?

'''Kacey:''' Kacey.

'''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.

'''Kacey:''' Hello?

'''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just, just lis—, just, that's my father, Robert Chandler...

'''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.

'''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.

'''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...

'''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.

'''Bob:''' What? What do you want?

'''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the, tell that Chris off!

'''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?

'''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!

'''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.

'''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.

'''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!

'''Chris:''' I was, I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!

'''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, they're, they might be lying to you!

'''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!

'''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!

'''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed[?]!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Barbara:''' That's your fault!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just, yeah, I knew you would this entire time.

'''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...

'''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me, are you with me or are you with him?

'''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.

'''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.

'''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.

'''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me, are we gonna get married?

'''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.

'''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...

'''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?

'''Chris:''' He's prete—, he's pretend— [[Kacey Call 1|He's been a]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|liar the whole time,]] [[Kacey Call 2|you know it...]]

'''Liquid:''' You, you are just a less-worthy version of me!

'''Chris:''' I sh—, I sh—, I showed you the certificate and the diploma!

'''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.

'''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!

'''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.

'''Chris:''' I am not the liar!

'''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.

'''Chris:''' I just don't, I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...

'''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?

'''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it. Don't worry, I get it.

'''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?

'''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!

'''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!

'''Chris:''' I was trying to pro—, I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!

'''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "Talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to...That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.

'''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...

'''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! You're 27, why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.

'''Liquid:''' You gotta, you gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']

'''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.

'''Liquid:''' Baby...

'''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe...Oh my god, Barb called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.

'''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.

'''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD...That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barb and Bob.

'''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...

'''Kacey:''' No, Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barb that said, "Just hang up on the bitch!"

'''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']

'''Liquid:''' Alright.

[''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o5LnjUqby4 the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]