CWCki - User contributions [en]

Template talk:Chris and

2011-06-02T17:49:25Z

Ragumshnagum:

We need "Chris and Reliability" --[[User:CJB8895|CJB8895]]
*I'm sure that, if we asked him, he'd agree to make it for us later. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 02:46, 9 December 2009 (CET)

== Guidelines ==

I've tried to add some guidelines about how to go about writing a "Chris and..." article. Whether people will find and read it before attempting to create ill-conceived new ones - is another matter. As always, feel free to correct my take on what the Chris and... series is for, as I was purely writing from what I understand of it. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]]18:00, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
:These are excellent guidelines. That said your sig doesn't include your name so I have no idea who you are.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:02, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
::That happens if I type 5 ~'s instead of 4 :-/ --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 18:05, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
*Not bad, though I need to get around into making "Chris and..." articles a CWCki project in the same vein the CWChronology is one. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:43, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris and politics ==

We need this article.

== Chris and Videogames ==

All these "Chris and..." subjects, and no one has done one about his interest in certain video games and how they've influenced his life and the comic. For shame...--[[User:Racer X|Racer X]] 13:10, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

:There is an article on "Video Games" which discusses a lot of what you've mentioned.

== Chris and intelligence ==

We all know that Chris claims that he's a "genius" even though he's an idiot but I don't think there's a definate article for it yet. What I mean is that while there's examples such as "Chris and English", "Chris and Spanish", and the honor roll page, there isn't an article that's mainly about his intelligence from academic subjects to basic common sense. I mean there's near limitless examples to Chris's stupidity and social retardation such as his recent ban from flipnote hatena for uploading crap that was already removed [[RomanticLabyrinth|four times]], for inappropriate content on a family site, wearing a bra with "wants woman" in public in an attempt to find a girlfriend at a [[Fridays After Five|public event]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|removing something from his PS3]] just because some trolls claimed to have access to it even though any normal person would be worried about damaging the merchandise and voiding the warranty. If you guys think that this would make a good article then please let me know and I'll get right on it. [[User:Flyingdingo0827|Flyingdingo0827]] 14:53, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

:I've been working on something similar on my sandbox called "List of Chris's bad ideas", but I was specifically going for bad ideas that had little to no troll influence in order to prove he's not simply being manipulated into doing embarrassing things. That's probably the kind of thing we should go for, though I suppose we can also factor in his gullibility into intelligence. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 17:44, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

::I dunno guys, it sounds really, really subjective. You'd better have a full draft ready in one of your sandboxes so the powers that be can weigh in on it before you post.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:53, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

:::Why put 'Chris and...'? Just call it Chris's Bad Ideas. That would be one hell of an article.
Hey guys, I just started the first part of the article, it's in my user page if you want to check it out. [[User:Flyingdingo0827|Flyingdingo0827]] 23:17, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris and Sexism ==

I've already made a redirect to [[Women's Rights]], but I feel that this should go on the "Chris and..." section due to its blatant obviousness. I mean, we already have loads of material dedicated to this subject, so we might as well enshrine it in the template as an easy portal. Thoughts? --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 18:31, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

== [[Camerawork|Chris and camerawork]] ==

I didn't make this, but I did find it. It's poor and orphaned, so won't we give it a home? --[[User:SeventhBase|SeventhBase]] 05:29, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris and the Military(?) ==

Do we have enough info to warrent the creation of such a page? As far as I can tell we have Chris's disregard for Kacey's Father who was a former US Marine in the Gulf War, Chris' comments on Homosexuals in the Military saying that he supports it so that "Homos can go die in explosions" and finally Chris saying that Sonichu and Rosechu would fight a Vietnam style draft in one of the Mailbags. Do we proceed? - BottleOfWin
:*Hmm. The problem is, that's pretty much all the information Chris has given on the matter. I mean, I can't really think of else we'd want to put into the article that's not just fluffing out the above. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:44, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
Forgot about the whole Division of the US Army being used to defend/oppress CWCville mentioned in the Cwcville article. Hipocrisy anyone? He tramples on his countries Army and expects it to defend his bannana republic - BottleOfWin
:*One, which mailbag was this? Two, that's really all there is to say on the subject. It might be worth a footnote or two in [[America]] and [[Chris and Hypocrisy]] though.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 20:31, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
:*He said that in Mailbag 49 about the "Homos dying in explosions". Can't remember which one had Sonichu and Rosechu resisting the draft but its definitely out there in one of them. -BottleOfWin

== Chris and fame ==

It seems like a "Chris and fame" article would be a good addition to this collection. It would focus on Chris' lifelong obsession with fame, belief that he is a celebrity, the fact that he's saved every scrap of media in which he's ever appeared (even if for only a few seconds), and how he feels that this justifies his existence. It would end with an examination of the fact that, ironically, Chris has in fact achieved the celebrity existence, in which he is surrounded by frauds, phonies, and stalkers, and subject to the scrutiny of the general population. Obviously this would pull some material from "Chris and His Ego," but I feel this subject is different enough to merit a separate article.--[[User:AutisticTroll|AutisticTroll]] 15:46, 21 November 2010 (PST)

== Chris and science ==

I thought it over, and I feel like this would be a nice edition. I've noticed, throughout many of Chris's antics, he seems to exhibit often complete disregard for science, whether in chemistry, physics, or biology. This page could cover a lot. I think I'll get on a draft now. Let me know if there are any observations, opinions, suggestions, or objections. --[[User:Ragumshnagum|Ragumshnagum]] 10:49, 2 June 2011 (PDT)

Credit Score

2011-05-01T15:45:05Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Chris and money

#REDIRECT [[Chris and money]]

Chris and health

2011-04-30T11:53:41Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Hygiene */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or type 2 diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]](Has closed it's doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. <ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref>Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, he's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times.

{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction, which such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent for the rest of his life. His whole good, ten years if he's lucky, life.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref>. Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Chris and health

2011-04-30T11:52:38Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Hygiene */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or type 2 diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]](Has closed it's doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. <ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref>Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, he's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times.

{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction, which such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent for the rest of his life. His whole good, ten years if he's lucky, life.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref>. Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Tomgirl

2011-04-29T18:07:52Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Tomgirl Pictures

#REDIRECT [[Tomgirl Pictures]]

Talk:Chris-chan SonicBrainFart

2011-04-28T16:35:09Z

Ragumshnagum: /* :/ */

==Transcript==
I'm working on one. Hang tight for the time being. --[[User:Ragumshnagum|Ragumshnagum]] 06:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

== :/ ==

Despite being actually pretty good, fan work pages got purged a long time ago. Until Chris responds directly to this, it really doesn't belong on the CWCki. <nowiki>*warms up the rocket to the moon*</nowiki>

Yeah, this need to be deleted. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:23, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

*I think it's time for that to change. This isn't just a fan video, it's a good summary of Chris-chan for those who don't really know anything about him. Not only that, but there's been next to no new content on this wiki in a very long time. I really don't see why we can't have this. --[[User:Ragumshnagum|Ragumshnagum]] 09:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Chris-chan SonicBrainFart

2011-04-28T13:30:36Z

Ragumshnagum: Created page with "==Transcript== I'm working on one. Hang tight for the time being. --~~~~"

==Transcript==
I'm working on one. Hang tight for the time being. --[[User:Ragumshnagum|Ragumshnagum]] 06:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Strangle that Clyde Cash

2011-02-18T17:18:30Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009

#REDIRECT [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]

Proportion

2011-02-17T21:37:01Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Chris and art

#REDIRECT [[Chris and art]]

Lovequest

2011-02-17T19:10:26Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Love Quest

#REDIRECT [[Love Quest]]

The Moon

2010-09-03T22:36:43Z

Ragumshnagum: /* In reality */

[[Image:Moon.jpg|thumb|'''THE MOTHERFUCKING MOON''' IRL...]]

'''The Motherfucking Moon''' is the only natural satellite of Earth. It is also the only entity that is a comparable size to [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris's]] [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]. It also plays an important role in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu universe]].

==The Moon to Chris==
While the Moon is generally considered an object of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU9SNOvLW6E beauty and mystery], Chris sees it as nothing more than a garbage dump/prison camp to send all of the world's "undesirables," chiefly [[tobacky]] and evil dudes. (See below)
{{-}}

==In the Comics==
[[Image:Damoon.jpg|thumb|...and in the comic. Kinda lost a lot of its splendor, huh?]]

The Moon first appeared in ''[[Sonichu 0]]'', where [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] both professed their love for each other while gazing upon it.

In ''[[Sonichu 1]]'', the generic, throw-away villain [[Metal Sonichu]] was defeated and tossed into the Moon by [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] and Sonichu. He is supposedly still operational, and foreshadowed to return in later comics.

[[Silvana]] was born and raised on the Moon by [[Count Graduon]], who also [[Sarah Reveals Herself#Chris_draws_Rosechu_with_a_dick|gave her a penis for no real reason]]. She is quoted in an interview with [[Sonichu's News Dash]] as saying that the Moon is "very lonely" and that there are "no friends on the Moon".

In ''[[Sonichu 6]]'', magical moonbeams turn Chris's dog [[Patti-chan]] into a sentient being capable of human speech.

''[[Sonichu 10]]'' indicates that the CWCville authorities launch regular moon-shot operations in partnership with NASA to do away with any contraband. Vacationers on the moon may therefore be guaranteed a regular supply of free weed, tobacky, and other delightful mind-altering substances.

Chris has revealed that he will toss Count Graduon into the Moon, and the Count will overshadow Metal Sonichu and be Chris's punching bag for the next few comics.
{{clear}}

==In reality==
[[Image:Themfingmoon.jpg|thumb|left|What will inevitably happen if Chris keeps shooting all the bad guys to the moon.]]

Although he has softened his stance regarding [[alcohol]], Chris remains firmly opposed to tobacky. The moon is where he believes a rocket containing every last scrap of the offending plant should be shot — not the sun, according to the tortuous reasoning he cobbled together in an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from January 2009.

{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, showing that there is no limit to how stupid he can be.}}

Now, he's definitely [[Honor Roll|confusing the meaning of "galaxy" with that of "solar system,"]] but that doesn't make the statement any less stupid. On a similar note, he seems to have missed the memo that Pluto is no longer a planet as of 2006, as he only watches cartoons as opposed to news programs. Also, regarding Chris's claim of tobacky poisoning the solar system, he fails to realize that any matter, let alone tobacco and the chemicals that give it the burning smell, that reaches a distance to the sun beyond Mercury's [[Wikipedia:Apsis|perhelion]] is vaporized into Hydrogen and Helium atoms because of the intense thermoneuclear energy constantly generated by the sun. However, this fact will not permeate through Chris's hollow skull because he's too retarded to grasp even basic science.
{{-}}

==See also==
*[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]
*[[Tobacky]]

{{CWCverse}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Moon}}
[[Category:Places]]

Chris and fashion

2010-08-05T22:24:39Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Cosplaying */

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are exclusively purchased secondhand at thrift stores like Salvation Army and Goodwill. Therefore, the only clothes he owns are colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts that have been marinating in his [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|bodily stench and fluids]] for the past decade. Since most of them are decorated with horizontal stripes, they only make him look [[Obesity|fatter]].

[[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one (the "Advice Dog" shirt) and possibly all of his shirts were purchased by his cruel, cruel [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] so people will notice the fact that he's [[Autism|"special"]] and [[Kick the Autistic|treat him with sympathy]]. Alternatively, it could be that the Chandlers just aren't exactly what you'd call "fashion savvy". Although his mother doesn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chooses to wear these shirts, possibly out of a strong aversion to change, a common trait of [[autistic]] people.

== Childhood ==
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polo and T-shirts and khaki pants. The only difference compared to today is that he sometimes even dared to wear single-colored shirts with his [[Sonic the Hedgehog|favorite game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he owned until recently that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme is the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he has owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it does not look good on him.

== Trademark clothing ==

[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring the Horizontal Horror.]]

Chris's typical outfit consists of:

* His favorite shirt, a striped/weirdly patterned rugby shirt, which is so tight that it accentuates his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably draws himself wearing in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]].
* His [[Medallions of Fail|medallions]] (sporadically) / his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[Pedo-Glasses]] attached to the Glasses Chain of Fail.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically define his rear end to a disturbing level — he may be wearing women's jeans, or he may simply still wear pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail]]
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt.
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for the many [[Chris and death|funerals that plague his existence]].
* Since late 2009, a [[sports bra]] to keep previously mentioned bosoms in check.

The newest addition to his wardrobe is the [[Fridays After Five|I Enjoy Vagina shirt]].

==The "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IBA]]" outfit==
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a terrible goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (Glasses Chain of Fail remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that is too small for his girth.
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]

Unconfirmed reports state that he was seen walking around downtown [[Charlottesville]] blasting Guns 'n' Roses from a pocket radio and trying to pick up women.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clownshirts, and claimed that he was pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video.

==The "Gay Trucker" outfit==
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he made a promise to leave the internet in the spring of 2010, Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion, and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. The result is a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that Chris tries to look like a bad boy, but he ends up looking like a [[gay]] trucker, hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could make it look gayer is by combining it with his [[muscle bra]]. Which, unfortunately, he has. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the [[Sonichu Medallion]] would actually ''improve'' his chances of picking up girls.

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly express Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that read "[[homos|Mount and do me]]". That said, the video was made for a potential sweetheart that Chris desperately wanted to fuck, leaving open the possibility that Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[Chris's room|bedroom]].

Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to a public, family-oriented concert. He then topped himself later, by pulling that shirt over his head, and standing around in his muscle bra, which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" on. The common belief is that these tasteless, sexually themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is both straight and available without ever having to talk to people.
{{clear}}

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is [[autistic]], observers often speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. Either way, Christian seems to regard his shirt as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

His fashion sense has shown itself to be evolving in the last year, but moving in cycles. In [[2010]] he seemed to have ditched the Sonichu Medallion and moved into what could be described as a more edgy, hip, aggressive look. His success at being so is on par for course with the rest of his attempts at things.

Of note, during his conversation with [[Kacey]] while posing as [[Liquid Chris]] he claimed to also own a striped shirt like the "impostor". He expressed much joy at the fact that it was red, white, and blue, implying a patriotic view of the colors.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_27th%2C_2008|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_18th%2C_2009|3]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_19th%2C_2009|4]] [[CWC's_"It's_All_Coming_Back_To_Me"|5]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|7]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|8]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 22nd, 2009|11]] [[Show_RESPECT_to_me,_"C"CWC|12]] [[Sign_Destruction_Video|13]] [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|14]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_September_24th%2C_2008|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_Columbus_Day%2C_2008|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_6th%2C_2009|3]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_10th%2C_2009|4]] [[12_January_2010|5]] [[14_January_2010|6]] [[What's_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_October_9th%2C_2008|1]] [[Chop_Chop_Onion's_Rap_Showdown|2]] [[Magical Man Potion|3]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_17th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_4th%2C_2009|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_27th%2C_2009|3]] [[Challenge_for_Clyde_II|4]] [[15_October_2009|5]] [[9_December_2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_January_12th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_March_10th%2C_2009|2]] [[Congrats,_Jack_Black|3]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain%27s_Log%2C_Stardate_August_3rd%2C_2008|1]] [[CCWC's_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|2]] [[LOOK_at_the_truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_12th%2C_2009|1]] [[More_for_the_crabs|2]] [[ECV_00081|3]] [[Bunny_Hop|4]] [[11052009_Kacey,_I_Love_You,_and_I_Need_You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_23rd%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain%27s_Log%2C_Stardate_May_3rd%2C_2009|2]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_May_3rd%2C_2009|3]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_August_6th%2C_2008|1]] [[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_8th%2C_2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_September_13th%2C_2008|1]] [[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_6th%2C_2009|1]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_9th%2C_2009|2]] [[I_am_devoted_to_My_Sweetest_Ivy|3]] [[Matthew_5_27%2C_CWC_Confessions|4]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_17th%2C_2009|5]] [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_May_22nd%2C_2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9_October_2009|8]] [[Warning_-_Naughty_Women_;)|9]] [[Old_Time_Rock_and_Roll_on_Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal_Legend|11]] [[3_December_2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris_Destroys_His_Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC_only_accepts_IN-PERSON_FEMALE_Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|8]] [[Hello,_Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[This was my fault|1]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|2]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_January_21st,_2009|1]] [[CWC_Callout_for_Miss_Emily_and_Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!!_CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris_Chan's_Public_Announcement|1]] [[A_Sonichu_Day|2]] [[Shout_out_to_Fans_in_Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa_the_Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51_50|1]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle_bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010_-_Autism_Awareness_%26_Men_Should_NEVER_be_Topless|1]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck|Duckie]] Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 28th, 2008|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[For Kacey II|7]] [[To Clyde Gregg|8]] [[For Chris II|9]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The Rainbow Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]

</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

== Wrist warmer ==

[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

Ever wonder what that thing is behind Chris's neck?

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "Wilson" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>}}

Chris most likely wears it as a counter to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

== Cosplaying ==
[[Image:502-CWCsAshVest.JPG|thumb|Dat hat is a-pretty-a-goddamn dirty]]

Chris appeared in his [[Pokémon|Ash Ketchum]] costume from around [[2000]] to [[2004]]. It was originally created as a Halloween costume in either [[1998]] or [[1999]].<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref> He proudly wore it to [[The GAMe PLACe]] every week<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> and to the 2004 [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention. With it, he won a costume contest against 5 kids dressed up as Team Rocket. The prize was a t-shirt.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 2</ref>

For a while, Chris resurrected this look for his profile picture on [[The Hook Cafe]] and eventually evolved into the Gay Trucker.

The Ketchum-style trainer outfit consists of:
* Faux-denim vest
* Cut up gardening gloves
* Pokémon League ballcap
* Fanny-pack (Also known as a 'belly-bag' and a 'bum-bag' to Britfags)
The ensemble is usually accompanied by a yellow ''[[Pokémon]]'' tee-shirt, or white ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'' tee-shirt underneath (see gallery below).

Chris can no longer wear this costume due to his [[obesity|obscene girth]].

<center><gallery>
Image:0501-CWCAsh2.jpg
Image:0502-CWCAsh3.jpg|HOT ROD 138, I c-ch-choose you~!
Image:0503-CWCAsh4.jpg
Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|This is the most depressing thing ever seen by man kind.
Image:Chris chan cosplay.jpg|You can tell this world is totally fucked-up when people start cosplaying ''as'' Chris
Image:Chris-Chan_Cosplay.jpg|Well, it's certainly scarier than any Halloween costume you'll see on any other kid.
</gallery></center>

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and reality

2010-06-05T19:09:04Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Fantasy and Fiction */

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|21:34 <@clydeC> WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL
 21:34 <@clydeC> WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s response to the above.}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. Chris has demonstrated considerable difficulty distinguishing fantasy and reality.

==Fantasy and Fiction==
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

Chris believes that [[CWCville]], as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit?|Who Framed Roger Rabbit?]] as a model. Chris considers anyone who does not accept this thinking "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> Chris has claimed to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE." <ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea.

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris [[IRC (20 January 2009)|20 January 2009]]}}

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be their father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. It is Slaweel Ryam, not Chris, who apologizes for slandering Mary Lee Walsh.<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>
Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville is canon, and feels it necessary to explain away [[Billy Mays|undesirable]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|changes]] to CWCville made as a result of [[BlueSpike|outside]] [[Alec Benson Leary|influences]].

==Real Life==
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor. This tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth.

When asked by Evan to remove Simonla from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character Simonchu and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with Asperger's Syndrome "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," Chris sees accepting the truth to the contrary as "conform[ing] to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

==Chris and Magic==
:''See also: [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|Chris the Shaman]]''

Through Chris's perception of God as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref> <ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref> <ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred [[Medallion of Fail|personal]] [[Amnyfest Ring|relic]] of the day.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a life-threatening ailment.|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This belief gives Chris the some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an [[Autism|immature]] defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> [[Mary Lee Walsh|Anyone]] [[Jerkops|who]] [[Manajerk|hinders]] Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "make true love illegal," either in Virginia or nation-wide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris Drops the N-Bomb

2010-06-05T17:49:37Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Transcript */

[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Chris between this and his previous video]]
[[Image:Tito2.jpg|thumb|left|Tito is shocked and saddened by Chris's choice of words.]]

'''Chris Drops the N-Bomb''' (officially posted as '''100_2151.MOV''') is a video uploaded on 17 March 2010, where [[Chris]] sends yet another gory [[death threat]], and uses the dreaded 'N-Word', at [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]. It is also believed that this video was the reason that Jack Thaddeus pulled all of his funding from CWCipedia.

Unsurprisingly, Chris once again drops the name of the [[Wallflower]]. His actual explicit and complete usage of a racial slur, though, was unexpected; the closest he had previously come was singing "Don't Trust them Niggas over there" to [[Julie]] and when [[BlueSpike]] coerced him into saying it during their [[Julie Reveals Herself|final conversation]], where it took Chris several tries to get the word out (the best he could manage on his first attempt was "[[Niggo]]").

It's well-known that Chris harbors racist feelings (based on reports of his behavior at [[The Game Place]], among other things), but they're not usually expressed so bluntly. The release of the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]] on 18 March 2010, however, revealed that Chris has apparently grown quite fond of using the word as an insult.

To make matters worse, there hasn't been any indication that Surfshack Tito is actually black, or that Chris has any reason for thinking so. Tito's cartoon namesake is a Pacific islander, not ethnically African in any way, and Tito the troll bills himself as Hawaiian.

This being the case, it would seem that Chris is not only saying the N-word, but also believes that simply being called black is an insult in itself. Alternatively, Chris might just mentally lump anybody with brown skin into one generalized ethnic group, which would be about par for the course as far as his [[Autism|ability to recognize the human form]] is concerned.
{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2151.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cuxOX-r7R50}}
| stardate = 17 March 2010
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
| shirt = {{TanWideLines|text}}
| previous = [[Happy Sonichu Day]]
| next = [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]
}}

===Transcript===

Tito! You stay away from [[The Wallflower|Heather]], you son of a bitch. You have no right taking her from me like that, you [[Chris and sex#Chris and rape|womanizing rapist]]! And if you go near her again, then I ''will'' find you! I will find you, I will [[Pocket knife|cut you up]], I will [[CWC Fighter|beat you up]], I will knock you on your backside, [[Chris and reality|stand on your gut like a log roller, and roll your fat right through your skull! Blowin' it wide open!]]

Because that's what you deserve, you God damn [[Chris and hypocrisy|womanizing raping]]... trollin' stupid [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle suited]]... '''nigger!''' And don't you ever, don't you dare contact me in my [[Surfshack Tito Emails|E-mail]] again, or contact me ever! You stay away from me- You stay away from me and contact. Don't call me... I ''will'' find ''you''!

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = YOU...YOU...DOUBLE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yaJwLL5mfg0}}
| Stardate = 18 March 2010
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = [http://www.mediafire.com/?qnnxdz3im5d MP3]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Happy Sonichu Day]]|nextlink=[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]|}}

{{Template:Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and health

2010-05-25T21:27:12Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Sexual health */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some [[Guitar Hero]] on [[Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in 5 years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or Burger King (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring caloric intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy-to-make food that often is not healthy.{{cite}} Many, many times, has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara (although with her deteriorating health, her poorly cooked meals may just become replaced by more fast food) or fast food.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence#Constipation</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no veggies or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atorvastatin Lipitor] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is Strong and Powerful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in Sonic-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing video games, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. One might say that Chris is actually strong from having a lot of weight; however, in normal people, this happens because the muscles must build up in order to be capable of moving a large weight. Since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of blubber, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting an office chair and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has done on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the Father Call and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.

==Hygiene==
{{quote|And [Sonichu] showers afterwards with shampoo and soap. [[Lie|He showers DAILY, and I shower Daily.]]|Chris<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons;" [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said body odor masked with gallons of Axe.

Because of the lack of showers and the decrepit state of his home, the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. Curiously, he endorses Axe Shower Gel. Considering that he refuses to take showers and is a sucker for Axe products, one wonders what he even bothers using it for.

Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes. Close perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as many as three or four days at a stretch. Fortunately, for his wardrobe at least, Chris sleeps in the nude, except for socks.{{cite}} There's something to think about.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

It should be noted that in the [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]], neither of them recall Chris emitting any particular stench, implying that this is a problem that started after Chris stopped regularly going outside.
{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of carbonated drinks, poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==
[[Image:THAT ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.gif|right]]
[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some ''Playboy'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and rainbows. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he was. Clearly she needs to seek professional help too. Or she was just telling him that because, well, that's what mothers do.

* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the Blanca incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[Billy Mays]] would have looked the same if Billy shaved off his beard. In high school, he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg Sonichu 7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==
In [[Jackie e-mails|recent correspondence]] with Jackie, Chris revealed he was checked for STDs.

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at 45 degree angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost otherworldly horror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly Peyronie's disease), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in [[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|this photo]] of a young Chris, his right eye is green. He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a 3-year old girl on helium all the way to Gilbert Gottfried. So far, there has been not even a guess as to why his voice sounds so weird, or why it's even gotten worse — in his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls Conker of ''Conker's Bad Fur Day''.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Obesity

2010-05-24T23:01:59Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Actual weight */

{{Merge|Chris and Health}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|A fine example of severe obesity.]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|PROTIP: The Atkins Diet doesn't work, [[Barb|fatty]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}

'''Obesity''' is an epidemic in America, with 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. [[Chris]], [[Barbara]] and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle".

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200". During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 pounds, claiming he weighed, "a lot less." One possible explanation is that Chris doesn't know his actual weight. It's anyone's guess as to when he last stepped on a scale. And considering how much fast food he consumes, it is safe to assume he gains a significant amount of weight each year. One might guess he may not have weighed himself since high school (this is a complete guess, based on nothing), in which case, assuming he has bulked up a good amount since then, he would believe he weighs approximately 200 pounds, either being too mentally crippled by autism or being too mentally crippled by his ego to notice how much fatter he has gotten. The only other explanation is that Chris has little to no muscle mass, with a body that is mostly fat (which, considering his lifestyle, this is not unlikely). Considering muscle is heavier than fat, it would be possible for Chris to weigh as little as 200 pounds.

Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10"), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 pounds thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 to 175 pounds, but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery, liposuction, or the amputation of multiple limbs.

Chris has probably asked his [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] about being fat; being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).

== Denial ==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]], during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by [[Barbara_Chandler|his mother]], told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic manchild.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — [[Facial recognition|faces in particular]]. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_7/Page_25 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Furthermore, [[Blanca]] was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.

==Places where Chris likes to eat==
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[CWC 30 Push Ups]]
* [[51 50]]
* [[Muscle bra]]
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Niggos

2010-05-24T22:27:25Z

Ragumshnagum: /* See also */

{{Quote|Sit, Spin and Shut the Fuck Up, NIGGER!!! And I WILL call you That RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!!!|Chris, [[March 2010]]}}

[[Image:Lynch_to_the_supreme.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris doesn't trust them [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|new niggas over there]].]]

[[Chris]] demonstrates [[Chris and race|many instances of intolerance and racism]], both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: his father, his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. '''Black people''', in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia.

==Origin of the word "niggos"==
{{protip|Chris only ever used the word "niggos" once.}}

'''Niggos''' is one of [[Chris]]'s many minced oaths, this one meant to refer to black people. His only known use of the term was in the [[Julie Reveals Herself|03 March 2009 chat]] where [[BlueSpike]] coerced him into saying ''"[[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of [[CWCville]], and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers."'' Chris repeated the line as ordered, but (being retarded as usual) ignored his instructions and attempted to outsmart BlueSpike by saying "niggos" instead of the dreaded N-word. Yes, out of all the things Chris could have done (you know, refused to say the N-word, said "N-word" or "blacks" or "African Americans" or some similar term, bleep himself out, or just not be a retard and end the conversation) he chose to coin a retarded ''and'' offensive term which, as if to add insult to injury, sounds like a lame brand of cereal. (It should be noted that Chris's creativity was completely in vain. BlueSpike pointed out Chris's faggotry, and our autistic hero had to spell out "nigger" properly several times. He even got the hang of it, and started singing [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|"Don't trust them new niggers over there"]] on his own will, which he had done more than once before.<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary|Mumble 7]]</ref><ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5#Summary|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> So much for respecting the minorities.)

As of now, Chris never again used the word "niggo", and probably doesn't even remember the whole incident. However, "niggo" is still considered a [[CWC-ism]], and is classified as a CWC-neologism.

In a video posted on his YouTube Channel on 17 [[March 2010]], Chris finally dropped the [[100 2151.MOV|N-bomb]], making him an official [[Chris and race|racist]]. The [[Surfshack Tito Emails|Surfshack Tito e-mails]], released shortly afterward, featured further use of the slur, suggesting that Chris has entirely gotten over the resistance he showed in his conversation with BlueSpike. His use of the slur led directly to the vandalization of the [[CWCipedia]] by opening it up to public editing. Chris being Chris, he failed to connect the two events.

=="[[Evan|No Darkies]]"==

{{protip|Chris never said or wrote "No darkies", nor has he ever used the word "darkie". However, he has said "nigger".}}

[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris approved of this pic, and said he liked it.]]

Chris has been widely considered to be racist against black people since it was learned that his highly specific criteria for a [[sweetheart]] includes whiteness and specifically excludes blackness.<ref>[[Attraction Sign]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009]]</ref> Chris does not only tell this to trolls, however, he has told black [[boyfriend-free girls]] who are interested in him in real life, that they do not "meet his standard criteria for a female companion". To their faces.<ref>[[Autism papers|Chris's psychiatric examination]]</ref> Trolls quickly coined the phrase "No darkies" as a quick summary of Chris's criteria for a BFG, much to his chagrin. This is essentially accurate - for example, on Chris's profile at [[The Hook Cafe]] he say that "smokers, [[obesity|overweights]], blacks and [[lies|liars]] need not apply."

Some may argue, if excluding "darkies" from the list of Chris's potential [[Sweetheart|heartsweets]] is actually an act of racism and discrimination against black women. Quite possibly, it could be rather considered an act of racism and discrimination against ''white'' women, as they are specifically selected as the manchild's possible victims of stalking and harassment. Chris also stated that he doesn't hate men who have black girlfriends, and doesn't consider them [[JERKS]], so Chris may think it'll increase his chances of finding a white boyfriend-free girl.

==Niggos in Chris's life==
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|Watch your back pocket, Chris!]]

There were some 12-15 year old black kids who frequented [[The GAMe PLACe]]. Chris picked on them and acted like they wanted to steal from him, hiding his stuff when they were nearby.<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=16855#p16855 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> The reason Chris got banned permanently from The GAMe PLACe was getting into a shouting match with one of these kids.

Chris also once argued with a huge black guy named TJ. When they started talking about how Chris would never get laid, Chris yelled, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" As TJ stood up like he was going to beat Chris's ass, Chris shrunk and whimpered, "I mean your face down monster..."<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17281#p17281 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref>

==Niggos in the Comic==
In the [[Sonichu Comic|Sonichu Comics]] most black characters are villains who try to thwart Chris and [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|his hedgehogs]] at every turn. The ones that aren't so lucky are treated like crap by the other characters or used in race related jokes.

===[[B-Manajerk]]===
A '''villain''' based off a real life encounter. The B most likely stands for Black – the name was coined so that Chris could distinguish him from other [[Manajerks]]. This is quite similar to the way American black superheroes were named in the 1950-60s. He is a cousin of the [[Jerkhief]], because obviously dem black peoples must know each other or be related.

===[[Barack Obama]]===
A cameo for the sake of '''a race-related joke'''. [[Bob]] told Chris a racist joke about then-senator Obama, which Chris believed as being a real rumor, approved of, and then illustrated within the pages of [[Sonichu 8]]. Oh, and just in case you didn't think Chris was racist enough, he also drew Obama wearing a strange exotic dress and headgear, which probably was meant to imply that he is a [[Twin Falling Towers|Muslim]], just because his middle name is "Hussein". Chris later removed the joke after Obama won the election but he probably only did that because he respects Obama now.

[[Image:Nigrachu.jpg|thumb|And he's black and he's black.]]

===[[Black Sonichu]]/Blachu===
A '''villain''' turned positive-aligned "bad boy". Black Sonichu/Blachu (whose name was later [[retconned|changed]] to Blake) was originally a villain who later switched sides because he's a recolor of [[Shadow the Hedgehog]]. Note that Chris doesn't give him a creative name, like Shadow, but thinks that noting his "blackness" would be enough (see B-Manajerk). Black Sonichu's story is quite (stereo)typical. He was brought to the CWCverse against his will, and [[Reldnahc]] (a white boy) quickly states that he is Blachu's master. Black then proceeds to steal a pink woman ([[Rosechu]]) and later a precious stone ([[Legendary Master Sunstone]]). Black Sonichu, compared to his yellow original, is considered inferior, and is all brawn and aggression while not being able to figure how to defend properly. Before his name change several characters made several ambiguous remarks when referring to him which could be interpreted as racist (including [[Wild|Wild's]] "I was following this black guy on a board..." comment). To Chris's credit, Blake becomes a positive character later, and even scores an interracial relationship with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Though the couple is forced to hide that fact from the intolerant society of [[CWCville]], and other characters do nothing to stop this travesty.

===[[CADD Chef]]===
A '''villain''' based on Christian's actual [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] teacher, Kene Meniru, at [[Piedmont Valley Community College]]. Meniru gave Chris a F in real life (probably for Chris's "[[Chris_and_English#Spelling|geinus]]" building designs) and is portrayed as a [[JERKS|jerk]] who always complains about the buildings in Cwcville. Given how bad Chris is at [[Chris and Art|drawing]] the CADD Chef's comments are perfectly understandable. Note that Chris thought it was more important that Kene Meniru was black than that he was a teacher, and decided to portray him as possibly the only black cartoon character he was familiar with, even though that character had no other similarity to Mr. Meniru than the color of his skin.

===[[Silvana]]===
A '''villain''', psychic Rosechu who was trained by [[Count Graduon]] on [[Moon|the moon]]. Graduon also gave her a [[pickle|dick]]. In [[Sonichu 8]], she raped and poisoned [[Blake]] while disguised as Bubbles, and planned to do the same to [[Bubbles]] while disguised as Blake. In [[Sonichu 10]], however, [[Magi-Chan]] [[Chris and writing#Spoilers|spoiled]] that Silvana would lose her dick and fall in love with him. The [[CWCipedia]] confirmed this.

===Minor(ity) characters===
*[[Florance Fisher]]
*[[Jerkhief]]
*[[Inos]] (a homeless, intoxicated, diseased, drug-pushing, expectorating Jamaican with filthy dreadlocks)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and race]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[Homos]]
* [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:People]]

Obesity

2010-05-24T14:48:01Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Actual weight */

{{Merge|Chris and Health}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|A fine example of severe obesity.]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|PROTIP: The Atkins Diet doesn't work, [[Barb|fatty]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}

'''Obesity''' is an epidemic in America, with 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. [[Chris]], [[Barbara]] and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle".

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200". During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 pounds, claiming he weighed, "a lot less." One possible explanation is that Chris doesn't know his actual weight. It's anyone's guess as to when he last stepped on a scale. And considering how much fast food he consumes, it is safe to assume he gains a significant amount of weight each year. One might guess he may not have weighed himself since high school (this is a complete guess, based on nothing), in which case, assuming he has bulked up a good amount since then, he would believe he weighs approximately 200 pounds, either being too mentally crippled by autism or being too mentally crippled by his ego to notice how much fatter he has gotten.

Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10"), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 pounds thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 to 175 pounds, but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery, liposuction, or the amputation of multiple limbs.

Chris has probably asked his [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] about being fat; being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).

== Denial ==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]], during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by [[Barbara_Chandler|his mother]], told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic manchild.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — [[Facial recognition|faces in particular]]. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_7/Page_25 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Furthermore, [[Blanca]] was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.

==Places where Chris likes to eat==
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[CWC 30 Push Ups]]
* [[51 50]]
* [[Muscle bra]]
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Legendary Master Sunstone

2010-05-24T13:55:53Z

Ragumshnagum:

The '''Legendary Master Sunstone''' is a powerful jewel residing on an island where it is protected by [[Flame the Sunbird]]. According to Flame:

{{quote|The Master Sunstone controls how everything in the world grows. As long as it remains on my island's momument, everything will grow like norma[sic]. But if it were to fall into the wrong hands, everything would fall into chaos; humans could grow [[pickle|extra body parts]], or [[china|lose them]]. Tress[sic] would grow legs and walk the earth in anger. But I, Flame, make sure the Master Sunstone stays in place and together to ensure proper growth. That makes it very powerful[.]}}

Almost immediately after the Sunstone was introduced in ''Sonichu'', it was stolen by [[Black Sonichu]], acting on orders from [[Giovanni]]. While making his getaway and evading Flame's pursuit, Blachu interfered with the relaxation of Bubbles, Wild, Punchy, and Angelica, causing them to meet for the first time. This in turn attracted the attention of Magi-Chan, who brought the [[Chaotic Combo]] together to confront Black Sonichu alongside [[Sonichu]]. The six electric hedgehogs squashed Blachu and returned the Sunstone to its proper place on the island monument. Despite its apparent power and how easy it is to steal (Black Sonichu was only stopped because he coincidentally pissed off every other electric hedgehog in the world on his way home) the Legendary Master Sunstone is never mentioned again.

The Legendary Master Sunstone is a gigantic rip-off of the Master Emerald from ''Sonic the Hedgehog''.

[[Category: Sonichu]][[Category: Plot Devices]]

Chris in the media

2010-04-21T20:47:53Z

Ragumshnagum: /* WBCN Toucher and Rich */

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Television, newspapers, magazines and, of course, the internet - if Chris can find some way to earn his 15 minutes of fame some way, he'll do so.

==Traditional Media==
===Richmond Times-Dispatch===

{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to the more well-known "Christian". This is Chris's first known appearance in the media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===

{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in 1994 chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Nintendo Power Magazine===

{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how [[lie|he used a video game to cure his fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's Animal Crossing video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

=== WBCN Toucher and Rich ===
On May 12, 2009 Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio ([http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 podcast]) in Boston. The whole media furor was sparked by the [[I Got A Fish]] video. However, most of the show covered Chis' videos addressed to [[Ivy]]. See [[Toucher and Rich Segment]] for complete coverage. 
 
{{stub}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Toucher and Rich Segment

2010-04-21T02:36:45Z

Ragumshnagum:

Chris was the focus of a segment of '''Toucher and Rich''' that aired on 12 [[May 2009]]. This is one of the rare discussion of Chris in the mainstream and not by obsessives on the Internet. There are some details that the hosts of the show get wrong, like the apparent confusion of [[Ivy]] with [[Megan]], but this is understandable given that their knowledge of him is mostly second-hand.

Notice that no matter how much the hosts try to warp Chris's voice, the original is still the most disturbing.

==Transcript==
'''Toucher:''' Sometimes you don't realize how big something's getting on the internet. We are Toucher and Rich -- Rich Shertenlieb, Crash Card, Adolfo Gonzalez. My name is Fred Toettcher. Two ways to get involved with the show. Please feel free to instant feedback -- go to WBCN.com and click on "Instant Feedback," or give us a call at 617-931-1041 -- 617-931-1041. Here is the deal: we got sent a e-mail from a guy who said, "Look at, this is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a really long time. What the F is up with this guy?" And he was the guy, do you have "I Got A Fish?"

'''Rich:''' I got it right here, yeah. [''Plays clip from "[[I Got A Fish]]:"'']

:'''Chris:''' I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fish! Would ya like to make a wish? I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish? 

'''Toucher:''' And he is a grown man who is standing in a [[Chris's room|room full of toys]], and he is saying things, uh, this is him describing, do you have the description of what he likes, the spanking, he's kind of describing--

'''Rich:''' Oh no, I don't have that. Do, do some of it.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, basically he's describing how he likes, uh, there's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|pictures of him]] that have been leaked on the internet wearing [[Butt garments|adult diapers]], uh, he likes being spanked, and that's because [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009|that's what adults do]]. Adults like feeling pleasure, uh, out of pain.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, he is a disturbing young man. And I've been sent since then a bunch of links about this guy. And you know what, I don't remember his name and I don't care to; you'll be able to find him, don't worry about it. [''Laughs.''] But, uh, he's got a million videos up on the internet, and he also apparently has a comic book that he draws and puts up on the internet--

'''Rich:''' Oh boy.

'''Toucher:''' --which is, I don't even want to get into, but which I, which I, from what I, if what I read is true, it's [[Sonichu 10|horribly disturbing]]. So anyway, he's kind of this manchild, he, uh, wears glasses, he looks a little bit like, for lack of a better description, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, almost? Like if he was playing a deranged guy. [Laughs.]

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] Right.

'''Toucher:''' Alright. So anyway, so from what I've read, there's a whole big, like, there's something that's, uh, that's like Wipi-Wikipedia, but it's like "[[ED|Crapipedia]]" or something? [''Rich laughs.''] There's this big page about this guy, and I don't know if it's true or not, but they reference that [[JERKS|he hates all men]] because they, uh, have all the girls, all the girls he meets have girlfriends(sic), but there was one girl that he was friends with, that he fell madly in love with, and I guess that this is a, uh, an ode to her.

'''Rich:''' It is. Now, in this video, unlike in the other one where he's just sitting down wearing his, like, flannel shirt, like, looking at the camera, he is standing up, he's extremely excited, you can tell because he's kind of bobbling from side to side, and he's wearing his normal outfit except on top of it a blazer. 'Cause he wants to look proper.

'''Toucher:''' And he is nonchalantly holding his, uh, remote control. He always has a video game remote control on him. And once again, in his bedroom, with the toys and drawings and the cartoons.

'''Rich:''' And here you go.

'''Toucher:''' He's obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, too, from what I've read. And if I failed to mention it yet, he's probably close to forty. [''Plays clip from "[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]."'']

:'''Chris:''' Hey Ivy! I'm doing this video for yoooou. Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together! Hmmm!

'''Toucher:''' Yeah right, dude! [''Rich laughs.''] Dude, dude, dude, enjoy, put the Nightmare Machine on, ladies and gentlemen. [''Plays a clip from "Goodbye Horses," alluding to the Buffalo Bill dance scene in'' The Silence of the Lambs.] I hope that you're not half-asleep with the snooze button listening to this guy, 'cause, welcome the David Lynch movie of your nightmares!

'''Rich:''' If I saw this in a David Lynch movie, I would say, like, "Alright, David Lynch is trying way too hard. Now he's like, making up stuff, that, this is too weird." [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' You know, my mommy and I--my, my family and I will come and meet you at the airport. And you know, your choice so--take you to your hotel or, uh, bring you back to...my house, hmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Ooh. These little-- [''Replays and imitates Chris's whimper and laughs, then plays the "Goodbye Horses" clip again, adding Chris saying "Back to... my house" and "My mommy and I" with his voice digitally lowered.'']

'''Rich(?):''' "My mommy and me..." [''Plays stinger music.'']

'''Toucher:''' Even when adult women say "mommy" it's freaky--

'''Rich:''' [''Laughing''] I know.

'''Toucher:''' --let alone an adult man talking to somebody he, uh, obviously wants a relationship with. Ai-yai-yai. I hope you've had that cup of coffee, ladies and gentlemen, because [''Laughs''] it only gets worse. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' I mean, uh, you know, we'd be hanging around so much and sharing so many fondful memories. Hmm. And you know, I few--I know a few good places in Charlottesville, you know, I think it's, you know, I'll take you there, we'll get some good things to eeeeeat, and we’ll hang ooouut. We’ll have so much fun. I know a place that serves some great smoothies. And you know, we can enjoy a movie in the theater, or in--at home, or watch a television rerun. Family Guy! Heh.

'''Toucher:''' "Family Guy!" [''They laugh and play the stinger music again.''] Tony, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Tony:''' Oh my God, two hundred years ago, this guy would have been ostracized out of a village or a town or something like that. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.''] I mean, he ''really'' needs to be around normal humans.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I guess there are videos, I've been told, where his ''mother'' appears, like--

'''Rich:''' No!

'''Toucher:''' --comes into the room while he's filming 'em.

'''Rich:''' Oh man.

'''Toucher:''' Yeah, I mean, there's a, you could spend a good, uh, horrifying evening, [''Rich laughs''] if you wanted to go, like, out to the old haunted house and play these things, you could probably do it for a couple of hours. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' Family Guy! Or, uh, I Love Lucy or I got some—I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island, hmmm. Hoo-hoo! Hmm, and we can make some music together on Guitar Hero. Hmmm. Well, you can sing, I got a microphone. I'm thinking about getting drums. [''Makes a drum sound.''] Hm, yeah. And you know, I will see you in the--I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together.

'''Toucher:''' Aaaauugghhaaaaoooo! [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again.''] I'm going to guess it never happened. [''Rich laughs.''] I'm going to guess that the lady saw this video and maybe thought-- [''Replays clip of Chris saying, "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Rich:''' Oough.

'''Toucher:''' Alan, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Alan:''' Hey, guys, hey!

'''Toucher and Rich:''' Hey!

'''Alan:''' Um, make sure you save that videotape; the FBI will want it for evidence.

'''Toucher:''' I have a feeling that, if all this is real, that, uh, there are several organizations that are just keeping an eye on the, uh, the doings of this gentleman.

'''Rich:''' Yeah, the creepiest thing is that he talks like a little kid, like, "my mommy," and then in his first video, he was saying, because that's what adults do sometimes, like he's talking and addressing children.

'''Toucher:''' But I g--, this woman is an adult from what I've read, that he's addressing.

'''Rich:''' Oh, oh, maybe, maybe it is, maybe it is, but the other videos that he's made, it just seems like--

'''Toucher:''' He's very child-like and maybe he was relating to someone on a child-like level.

'''Rich:''' Right.

'''Toucher:''' That is a, that is an assumption. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll, I'll do my best to pleasure you and keep you satisfied, my sweetest Ivy, just for you. Just for you! Hmmm! 

[''Rich laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Who did you save all this skin for? [''Plays clip of "Goodbye Horses" again, adding Chris saying "Just for you!" three times, with the first iteration digitally lowered.''] Why is this dog-cage all set up? [''Repeats digitally-lowered "Just for you!" and adds the "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together."'']

'''Toucher:''' I mean, you don't even have to play it slow, you don't have to do anything, this is like a night-- I've never gone through the whole video, it's, it's so disturbing to me. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' I know a number of good positions and massages, hmm. Hmmm. And, you know, I know a number, uh, places we could walk around at, you know. We could walk about the mall!

'''Toucher:''' Ooh!

:'''Chris:''' We could walk about the UVA grounds! Good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight. Hmmmm, so, you know, wonderful memories! Wonderful memories! We're gonna have lots of fun. And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always. Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. [''Sound of disgust from one of the hosts.''] I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch! Hmmmm.

'''Toucher:''' Oulbggh!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] Oh yeah!

'''Toucher:''' It's making chills!

'''Rich:''' [''Laughs.''] I know!

'''Toucher:''' The chil-- he's a witch! [''Replays a slowed-down "Being a good boy just for you, Ivy. I love you so much, I love you so muuuuch!" and adds "Just for you!" and a slowed-down "Look at me smile" at the end.'']

'''Toucher:''' [''Laughing''] "Look at me smile!" [''Replays "I know a number of good positions and massages."''] Ohhhh. [''Continues clip.'']

:'''Chris:''' Hmmm, look at me smile, hmm. It's a nice smile. Because I love you, Ivy! I love you so much. I ran out of details. I don't know. I guess I'll sing you a song.

'''Toucher:''' No!

:'''Chris:''' It's a jolly ‘oliday With Ivy Ivy makes my heart so light When the skies are grey And ordinary Ivy makes the sun shine bright. It's a jolly holiday with Ivy No wonder that it's Ivy that I love. I love you so much Ivy. I love you! I love youuu. [''Blows a kiss to the camera.''] Talk to you later, sweetheart. And also to your father the policeman, I salute him with my Cub Scout salute.

'''Toucher:''' Ohhhhhhh ohh. [''Rich laughs.''] [''Plays circus music to "I look forward to the eventuality of, uh, you and me having our sex time together," "Oh, we are gonna have so much fun together when you and I are together!" and "Just for you!"'']

'''Toucher:''' I'm just hoping that they wouldn't let this guy on an airplane. Laura, you're on Toucher and Rich.

'''Laura:''' Thanks a lot for making me have a new really colorful character for my nightmares. [''Toucher and Rich laugh.'']

'''Toucher:''' E-especially for a woman.

'''Laura:''' I'm just gonna sleep with the light on for the rest of my life, now.

'''Toucher:''' Yes, indeed!

'''Laura:''' Oh my God!

'''Toucher:''' We should make a, we should make tapes of these specifically for certain people, just replace "Ivy" with "Laura"-- [''Replays "We can make some music together on Guitar Hero" and "And I promise, I’ll remain your good boy forever and for always." while everyone laughs.'']

'''Toucher:''' Well, Rich is obviously from a conservative Catholic family and, uh, something happened over the weekend that maybe made them think he was a little bit of a psycho.

[''Segment ends.'']

==External Links==
*[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145 Listen to the broadcast]

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Toucher and Rich

2010-04-21T02:24:48Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Toucher and Rich Segment

#REDIRECT [[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

Tito

2010-04-11T16:22:34Z

Ragumshnagum: Redirected page to Surfshack Tito (troll)

#REDIRECT [[Surfshack Tito (troll)]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2010-04-10T23:30:47Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Covers */

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 [[November 2007]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]]<ref name="ed">http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. As Chris describes it an ED edit, his "[[love quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit.

==Song==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| image = {{#ev:youtube|-51Z5Q8hPbQ}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| Maker = Chris
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)|Music]]; {{Sex}} [[Sex]]
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see the ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! * 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!"** 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I ain't never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the jerks 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821]</ref>''

==Music video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
| image = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| Stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)|Music]]; {{Sex}} [[Sex]]
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy}} Tragedy; {{Crazy}} Crazy
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt}} Classic
| Other = {{Leaked}} [[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|Sp Meed a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance]]
}}</center>

Filmed in December [[2004]] to promote Christian's [[Love Quest]]. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "[[All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"

===Introductory notes===

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, [[2005]]. [''clears throat''] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]]—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have [[fail]]ed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about [[Christmas#2004|Christmastime]], and, well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|few songs]], about my, uh, Love Quest. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [''clears throat and stands up''] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [''points to [[Sonichu medallion]] around neck''] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [''???''] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[''Performs songs'']

[[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope [[Santa]] will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| image = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| Stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(band)|Music]]; {{Sex}} [[Sex]]
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy; Drunk
| Shirt = [[Image:RefereeShirt.png]] Referee Shirt
| Other = [[Image:Live.png]] Live
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

===Transcript===

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. (There are no takers, just laughter)

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0WtTzvbz9e0}}
| Stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Typer = Song Cover
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Harry D. and The PVCC Girls - "So Need a Cute Girl" cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rOrKYhMjYKg}}
| Stardate = 19 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/dadatsointsoin dadatsointsoin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Includes animated video.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| Stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/AngusHiggens AngusHiggens]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
| Other Info = Said to feature guest backing vocals from [[Liquid Chris]].
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|43ixPWbo4Ug}}
| Stardate = 01 [[December 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/KennylovesArin KennylovesArin]
| Subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with Rage]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009

2010-04-09T14:46:10Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Video */

[[Image:Tard_Rage.png|thumb|A short summary of the video.]]

"'''CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009'''" (officially "'''CWC Update!!!!! 03272009'''").

Outraged over the leaking of secret information that he undoubtedly freely distributed to some stranger on the internet, [[Chris]] blows his stack and expresses his outrage through the only outlet he has, by yelling empty threats and dirty words on the [[YouTube]].

He threatens repeatedly to stop drawing the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], which is pointless since he will never stop working on his comics as long as he's willing to do whatever his [[Trolls|fake girlfriends]] tell him to do. That, and nobody really gives a crap about his [[Family Guy|shi]][[The American Rabbit|tty]] comics anyway, so announcing the ceasing of production on the comics is quite pointless, even though he is pretty much punishing his [[Fanbase|fanbase]] for his own dumb mistakes. [[Asperchu|(Perhaps this one of MANY reasons why his fanbase is turning to Asperchu...)]]

He also vows to take samples of [[Clyde Cash]]'s handwriting to the [[Jerkops|police]] (you know, the same people he hates for interfering with his [[Love Quest]]) who are sure to see his side of the story this time. Just how the cops are going to be able to use Clyde's handwriting to locate Clyde and arrest him is never made clear.

{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Update! 27 March 2009
| image = {{#ev:youtube|oUCn5jp2cJI}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 27 March 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Chris and anger|Rage]]
| Saga = [[Image:Clyde saga.png]] [[Clyde Cash]] saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Horizontalbluegrayshirt.png]] The Napoleon
| previous = [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House#Outside|Tour of Chris's House - Outside]]
| next = [[Chris Sings Lovin' You#Watch|Chris Sings Lovin' You]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[[Image:Ivy.png|thumb|Chris was enraged over the fact that this picture, along with some information about Ivy, was leaked.]]

[''deep breath''] [[Captain's Log]]. I believe it is the 27th.

Maaaaaaajor update. I am SERIOUSLY ticked off right now, because information about [[Ivy|my girlfriend]], even though it was accidentally leaked to a trusted individual, it turns out that that individual POSED as one of my gal pals from [[Manchester High School|high school]].

But anyway, I—apparently my, my sw—my—I—I wi—I swear to God that—cont—that [[4-cent_garbage.com|any—ANY...thing]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|to intrude in my life]] [[Trolls|to make me feel—in my life and within my family]]... [''balls hand into fist, overcome with rage''] Nnngh! I swear to God, [[Lie|the comic will CEASE]]! But also, I swear to God, that I will GO TO [[Jerkops|THE POLICE]] WITH EVERY HAND WRITTEN DOCUMENT THAT WAS SENT TO MY FAMILY! And we have hand written d—we have a [[Chris and English|hand-written... hand-writing]] from [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]. And a typed letter within that envelope that has HIS HANDWRITING on that envelope! I will go to the police; I swear to God, my family and I will go to the police! '''With''' all of this information.

So... in my [[Love Quest|romantic life]], and amongst my TRUE [[gal pals]], in my lifetime, and ESPECIALLY my girlfriend:
{{RageQuote|BACK THE FUCK ''OFF''!!!}}

You back the fuck off. Or... I swear—also... myeah. Ceasing of the comics. I will go to the police! You do not want to get on my bad side AGAIN! OR EVEN WORSE!

{{RageQuote|''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I WILL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'' I WILL ''PAWCH'' HIS LIGHTS OUT!}} If I ever MEET that bastard! In person.

But anyway, I'll say it again. LEAVE ME AND MY FRIENDS ALONE!

I will be continuing my comics at the moment. But any FURTHER incident and not only will I STOP the comic, but I WILL go to the police. ALL RIGHT? Back the fuck off.

Have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Tour of Chris's House]]|nextlink=[[Chris Sings Lovin' You]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-03-27]]

Biological clock

2010-04-09T10:33:39Z

Ragumshnagum:

'''Biological clock''' is the [[CWC-ism]] that [[Chris]] uses to refer to his [[Wikipedia:circadian rhythm|circadian rhythm]] (his sleeping pattern). Although this is technically not an incorrect use of the term, "biological clock" is more commonly used to describe the period of fertility in women, so Chris just sounds (even more) stupid when he yammers on about fixing his biological clock. One of Chris's reasons for needing a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] is to fix his biological clock. Chris's infatuation with [[Ivy]] can be traced to the fact that she vaguely helped Chris have a normal, set sleeping pattern.

[[Image:Rapeclock.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction of Chris's biological clock]]

He first explained his sleep habits in an edit on his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article:

{{quote|YES, I drink A LOT of Soda from [[Wikipedia:Coca-Cola|Coca-Cola]] to [[Wikipedia:Pepsi|Pepsi]] to [[Wikipedia:Powerade|Powerade]] [the latter of which is not a soda]. I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not

only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking biological clock as well. I sleep from fucking six AM to twelve-

fucking-thirty. BIG REASON I need a Sweetheart, so she can help me back on track towards getting back to the morning hours

that I used to have during my High School years.

Fucking [[Adult Swim]](tm) and [[mass debating|random projects]] keep me up all night as well.|CWC, 11 Nov 2007. <ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

He is oblivious to the fact that the real reason he used to sleep during the night in high school is that he used to actually have some reason to get up in the morning. Parents (and college students) know that it's common for school-children during the summer to get their sleep patterns messed up because they now can "stay up as late as they want". Since leaving [[PVCC]] Chris has had no job, no friends, and no life outside of [[mass debating]], making up things involving [[Sonichu]], and his [[Love Quest]], allowing him ample free time to stay up all night drinking caffeine. Yet, despite never leaving the house (thus negating the purpose of a standard sleep cycle), he seems to think that it's a perfectly valid excuse for not uploading comics on schedule.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>

Chris's nocturnal habits during much of the 2000s appear to be the primary reason that "Attraction Time" during his [[Love Quest]] occurred in the mid-to-late afternoon.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Biological clock

2010-04-09T10:32:51Z

Ragumshnagum:

'''Biological clock''' is the [[CWC-ism]] that [[Chris]] uses to refer to his [[Wikipedia:circadian rhythm|circadian rhythm]] (his sleeping pattern). Although this is technically not an incorrect use of the term, "biological clock" is more commonly used to describe the period of fertility in women, so Chris just sounds (even more) stupid when he yammers on about fixing his biological clock. One of Chris's reasons for needing a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] is to fix his biological clock. Chris's infatuation with [[Ivy]] can be traced to the fact that she vaguely helped Chris have a normal, set sleeping pattern.

[[Image:Rapeclock.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction of Chris's biological clock]]

He first explained his sleep habits in an edit on his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article:

{{quote|YES, I drink A LOT of Soda from [[Wikipedia:Coca-Cola|Coca-Cola]] to [[Wikipedia:Pepsi|Pepsi]] to [[Wikipedia:Powerade|Powerade]] [the latter of which is not a soda]. I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not

only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking biological clock as well. I sleep from fucking six AM to twelve-

fucking-thirty. BIG REASON I need a Sweetheart, so she can help me back on track towards getting back to the morning hours

that I used to have during my High School years.

Fucking [[Adult Swim]](tm) and [[mass debating|random projects]] keep me up all night as well.|CWC, 11 Nov 2007. Powerade isn't a soda, you retard.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

He is oblivious to the fact that the real reason he used to sleep during the night in high school is that he used to actually have some reason to get up in the morning. Parents (and college students) know that it's common for school-children during the summer to get their sleep patterns messed up because they now can "stay up as late as they want". Since leaving [[PVCC]] Chris has had no job, no friends, and no life outside of [[mass debating]], making up things involving [[Sonichu]], and his [[Love Quest]], allowing him ample free time to stay up all night drinking caffeine. Yet, despite never leaving the house (thus negating the purpose of a standard sleep cycle), he seems to think that it's a perfectly valid excuse for not uploading comics on schedule.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>

Chris's nocturnal habits during much of the 2000s appear to be the primary reason that "Attraction Time" during his [[Love Quest]] occurred in the mid-to-late afternoon.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Axe

2010-04-08T23:29:41Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Does it work? */

[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|left|A can of AXE yesterday.]]
[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|thumb|Chris's self made ad from [[Sonichu 4]]. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Lynx recover deodorant body spray.jpg|thumb|left|Axe in European flavor.]]
[[Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|thumb|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.]]
[[Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|thumb|Chris promotes his gay products]]
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality]</ref>}}

'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Eurofags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a true and honest [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.

His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.

==Axe betrays Chris==

Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for [[Xbox]]{{cite}}.

==Axe and the [[Homos]]==

In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos | certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "[[Boyfriend-free girl | the ladies]]", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC_Address_to_Unilever_About_AXE | two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"

==Does it work?==
[[Image:HeadTripAxe.jpg|thumb|right|How Chris believes Axe should work and how it actually works, Head Trip style.]]

No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External Links==
*[[Wikipedia:Axe (grooming product)|Wikipedia article on Axe]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2010-04-08T18:06:01Z

Ragumshnagum:

[[Image:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest.]]

In [[June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP]]s and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be understated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==Master Onion A-La Mode==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| image = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| Stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}}Music; {{Video games}}[[Video games]]
| Performance Style = {{Comedy}}[[Random-access humor|Comedy]]
| Saga = {{Stackhouse}}[[Adam Stackhouse|Stackhouse]] Saga
| Shirt = {{OrangeShirt}}Orange
| previous = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC_is_Angry#Watch|CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ3o3kQZWm8 Chop Chop Master Onion Rap]. Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not bothering to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared?

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more) }}

<center>What Chris considers 5 out of 5 level material.

===Transcript===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in Ruckersville, Virginia!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and [[Homo|go with him now.]]
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

Kick! Punch! It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get rocky,
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck|Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a tit-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

Guitar Hero on PlayStation 3
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem></center>

==Campaign==

Chris's video made it into the top 10, probably because a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]].

At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving the flier to them. Of course, no one voted for Chris.<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> He took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts.

Chris also badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote for him. In return for his vote, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Chris wasn't interested in Cole's plight, and in return Cole never voted for him.

On the day before voting ended, Chris posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==
[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, not surprisingly, wrong.]]

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]], whom Chris bears a grudge against as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video counts as ''a cappella''. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

The irony is Chris actually violated [http://images.innovyx.net/dp/scea/PSP/adhoc/062507/rules.html?ILC-Boards&LINK=CHOPCHOP062607 da rules] by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had ''never quite seen anything like this before.''

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (No, we have no idea why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)

==Aftermath==

Because Chris was infuriated that he did not win the trip to Seattle, he sent an e-mail to the company that ran the contest to cry foul in an e-mail from [[Chris E-mails 2007#August|03 August 2007]]:

{{quotebox|[[Chris and His Ego|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP]] SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*

I had my fantasies of having fun with Megan, taking her to a really extravagent ''[sic]'' destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the Nintendo of America company tour, with her, playing Guitar Hero against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

Life can be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( }}

Yes, Chris really did tell a complete stranger he should have won that contest because he wanted to fuck his best friend.

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against [[Adam Stackhouse]] and the other winners, using his favorite "[[Kick the Autistic]]" clutch. When people advised him to relax, he told them to shut up. As a result, he was put on a time out by an admin.

Two dayslater, Chris continued his rampage against Adam Stackhouse, during which he created a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quotebox|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the Honest, Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

During Christian's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip if he had won. Also, Chris claims to have contracted a "[[dirty crapped briefs|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body making this video.

There are actually two versions of the video. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

Regarding Adam, Chris made a video where, in silence, he [[CWC is Angry|repeatedly shot with a toy gun at a photo of Adam]].

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to comfort himself on losing the contest. Parappatherapingdog. Good job.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC Liquid Chris]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}

==Sauces==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FFI3HKPS Original file]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]][[Category: Events]][[Category: Contests]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2010-04-08T17:50:51Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Fan videos */

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 06 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] exposes his rage against [[CChanSonichuCWC]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Ian, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dsyhCUYJoI8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 06 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] [[Music]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC%27s_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS''' Chandler!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes glasses dramatically off and throws them to the floor''] is only half the length of that track. The full length of that track is almost ten minutes. Redo the video for the full nine-minute-something length.

And commentary, you can put them in a separate video. Separate. So, sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

And another thing, Chris. Your for real- your real name as I have been told by [[Kacey]] is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that.

And another thing: [''Said while flailing his arms up and down'']

{{RageQuote|I NAME IS NOT ''IAN....'' ''....BRANNAN....'' ''....SOMETHING!!!''}}

(makes annoyed gasping sounds) I am CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL '''AND CALL ME A REAL NAME''' THAT have God has been given to me and [[Christopher's_name_change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!

Get it RIGHT! I'M Christian Weston Chandler, you are only CHRIS....CHANDLER! Your medal is made out of PAPER! The whole length of time, the REAL medal has been made out of Crayola fucking Model Magic and acrylic PAINT! If I wanted paper, I would go to Wal-mart and pay five dollars for FIVE HUNDRED SHEETS!

Redo the ten minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli- [''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually- [''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! She cares about you so much! She has told me herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a gun, Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call my by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have- I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do, YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN! And I do not appreciate that! So stop it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper, look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-mart for five hundred dollar- for five dollars for five hundred sheets. Sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

[[Vivian]], our beloved resident [[Audiobook]] editor felt the need to revisit this classic video. The result is pure merriment:

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YAUTpL6ZDV4}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian]]
| Subject = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon (that loops for 10 minutes)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tOkwQ3_lOLQ}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC Liquid Chris]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| Stardate = 2 February 2010
}}
</center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDqDIeBDCoQ Chris Chan is... MR ANDERSON]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2010-04-08T17:48:36Z

Ragumshnagum: /* Fan videos */

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 06 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] exposes his rage against [[CChanSonichuCWC]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Ian, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dsyhCUYJoI8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 06 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] [[Music]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC%27s_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS''' Chandler!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes glasses dramatically off and throws them to the floor''] is only half the length of that track. The full length of that track is almost ten minutes. Redo the video for the full nine-minute-something length.

And commentary, you can put them in a separate video. Separate. So, sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

And another thing, Chris. Your for real- your real name as I have been told by [[Kacey]] is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that.

And another thing: [''Said while flailing his arms up and down'']

{{RageQuote|I NAME IS NOT ''IAN....'' ''....BRANNAN....'' ''....SOMETHING!!!''}}

(makes annoyed gasping sounds) I am CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL '''AND CALL ME A REAL NAME''' THAT have God has been given to me and [[Christopher's_name_change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!

Get it RIGHT! I'M Christian Weston Chandler, you are only CHRIS....CHANDLER! Your medal is made out of PAPER! The whole length of time, the REAL medal has been made out of Crayola fucking Model Magic and acrylic PAINT! If I wanted paper, I would go to Wal-mart and pay five dollars for FIVE HUNDRED SHEETS!

Redo the ten minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli- [''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually- [''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! She cares about you so much! She has told me herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a gun, Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call my by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have- I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do, YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN! And I do not appreciate that! So stop it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper, look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-mart for five hundred dollar- for five dollars for five hundred sheets. Sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

[[Vivian]], our beloved resident [[Audiobook]] editor felt the need to revisit this classic video. The result is pure merriment:

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YAUTpL6ZDV4}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian]]
| Subject = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon (that loops for 10 minutes)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tOkwQ3_lOLQ}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CChanSonichuCWC]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| Stardate = 2 February 2010
}}
</center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDqDIeBDCoQ Chris Chan is... MR ANDERSON]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]