CWCki - User contributions [en]

Asperchu

2012-12-30T18:13:11Z

Requiempeace:

{{Articleofthenow}}
:''This article discusses the award-winning comic series '''''Asperchu''''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the ''Asperchu'' series itself, please see [[Asperchu/Background]].''
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
! colspan="2" |[[File:Fatman supreme fatness.jpg|250px]] Christopher Paul Whitney
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Alec Benson Leary
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 1974/75
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| American
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
|}
'''''Asperchu''''' is a comic series created by Alec Benson Leary of [[Wikipedia:Eden Prairie, Minnesota|Eden Prairie, Minnesota]].<ref>[[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas]]</ref> His deft [[art]]work, [[Chris and writing|gripping stories, and excellent characterization]] has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
[[File:Vote sonichu for DA.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] for DA]]
While Alec has stated that Asperchu is not a parody of [[Chris]],<ref>[[Mailbag 32]]</ref> there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|YouTube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] who suffers from [[Asperger's]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==
{{quote|''Die'', you son of a bitch! Alec... '''Die'''.|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
It's no secret that Chris hates [[Asperger syndrome]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some illusory sense of competition between Asperger's and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even angrier when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The first recorded communication we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively.<ref>[[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu]]</ref> Chris didn't respond any better on his public mailbag, claiming that Alec was jealous of him and inexplicably alleging that the included fan art of Asperchu and Sonichu implied [[homos]]exuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec sent him another letter, depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine, straight fun.<ref>[[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo]]</ref> This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In ''Asperchu'' Issue C, Chris made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.

Since the ''Asperchu'' saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky art". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that ''Sonichu'' is supposed to be a "kids' comic". Chris probably took the terms "blocky" and "low-resolution" from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode [[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking ''Mona Lisa''. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly, Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of ''Asperchu'', and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Evan#Simonchu|''Simonchu'']], {{anchor|Sean}} and ''Sonichu is Dead'' creator Sean August Watley's latest project, ''Moon-Pals''. In [[February 2010]], more comics were added, including Alec's ''Sonichu Revolution'', Sean's ''Sonichu is Dead'' and ''Sonichu is Gay'', and Isabel Monday's ''Capering Berries''.

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of ''Asperchu'', immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a series of increasingly disturbing videos<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]], [[12 January 2010]], [[14 January 2010]], [[15 January 2010]], [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul, has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in two short [[YouTube]] videos.

The large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the U.S. Government's efforts to help the victims of [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|the earthquake in Haiti]], because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

Due to the growing popularity of ''Asperchu'' over ''Sonichu'', the site recently set up a fan portal where aspiring writers can make their own ''Sonichu'' fanfictions. Various pre-existing titles, including ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', are also hosted in the fan section. There is even a parody version of [[CWCipedia]] set up by Mao, where totally fictitious articles on ''Sonichu''-related things are made, including photoshopped images of the original comic.

Eventually on May 27, 2010, Mao took complete control of CWCipedia, after which Alec and [[Vivian Gee]] started uploading ''Sonichu'' Season 2. The CWCipedia was then permanently deleted for Mao to gain the upper hand after noting to the Comic Fury staff that, without ''Sonichu'' and Chris to bargain for a lower price, they must be forced to sign with him. The rights to the Asperpedia was then sold for $150,000.

===The 19 January Demands===
On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded twelve new pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], which are centered mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic savior]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him [[Mitch Sonichu]].|Chris's featured quote on January 19, 2010.}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==
In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a 1 February 2010 video]], Chris finally admitted that Asperchu was not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and was instead a completely original character. He also apologized for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responded to fan mail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologized for trying to commandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though he tactfully avoided mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeded to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|CWCipedia ads]], which had become increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, deciding to give up Simonla and delivering a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing to Mao, in the hope of finally removing the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris).

On 25 [[February 2010]], Chris released the last pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which he did kill off [[Simonla]]... but turned around and ''brutally executed'' the "Asperpedia Four."

[[Book10Replacement|A revised version]], inspired by Chris's [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]], replaced the death sentences with a lifetime placement among the Amish. Jackie insisted on a parade in honor of Alec and Asperchu<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 19]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails 20]]</ref><ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref> but Chris did not honor his promise.

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 [[February 2010]], [[Mao]] sent [[Evan]] and [[Sean]] a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and Chris. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear. An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|ninth]] phone call between Chris and Alec followed on 18 February and 25 February, respectively.

==Trial and execution of Asperpedia staff==

{{Quote|We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.|Chris, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}

Despite Alec attempting to help Chris out several times during the phone calls, Chris would involve Alec, along with Mao, Sean and Evan, in the penultimate pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. They are portrayed as stupid, murderous characters, who are tried by [[CWCville]]'s court for the murder of [[Simonla Rosechu]], as well as the theft and mockery of several citizens of CWCville. After a rather one-sided trial (in CWCville's favor, of course), Alec and co. are sentenced to death, Alec specifically in a "ten-button Electric chair". He is electrocuted to death by various characters that were "misrepresented" in ''Asperchu'', including Sonichu, who states that he is [[Homos|"not gay"]] as he jointly ends Alec's life. Chris himself also joins in on the fun, and ironically, and also hypocritically, states that Alec is a "d*** lunatic," after which he helps fry him to a crisp, before proceeding to slowly twist Mao's limbs backwards until they snap using telekinesis, followed shortly after by crushing his heart. Evan is horribly mutilated by [[Sandy Rosechu]] whilst chained to a wall, and Sean is used as target practice by [[Bill the Scientist]], [[Kel]] and [[Allison]].

During this brutality, Chris also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|apologized]] for some of his own wrongdoings towards the Asperchu Four, as well as his fans.

==''Sonichu Revolution''==
When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided ''Sonichu'' fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new ''Asperchu'' comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way. In the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call]], he accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him. Also, while he expressed offense at the violence of some of the ''Sonichu Revolution'' strips, he showed no signs of grasping the way Alec's comic mocks the unoriginality, moral hypocrisy, sexual degeneracy, and generally warped outlook of Chris's original ''Sonichu'' stories.

===''Sonichu Revolution'' Gallery===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution11.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution12.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution13.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[File:Asperchuissue5ad.jpg|thumb|200px|The ad in question.]]
Shortly after 110mb returned from what may have been its billionth outage, a large ''Asperchu'' ad appeared at the top of every article, depicting [[Sonichu]] shooting Chris in the calves ([[Sonichu Special 4|sound familiar?]]) while calling him a "[[Honest Content|fat little son of a bitch]]". Chris claimed that he won't let the ad get to him, but as anyone who has heard a lulzcow claim this before knows, this implies that he could possibly be one good push away from an explosion. Either that, or he failed to grasp this ad like the [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] ad parody.

[[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] came across this ad and, thinking it was one of the ''Sonichu'' comics, thought it was, as advertised, fucking awesome. Chris explained to her it was really a troll advertisement, which eventually lead to him showing her [[CWCki]] and her finding out what a lazy monster he is, ending the online correspondence. So even if it failed to provoke a response from Chris, it managed to perform some small service in [[The Miscreants|the larger scheme of things]].

[[File:AsperchuMarkDeux.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The (other) ad in question.]]

Eventually, the ad was taken down, although it was quickly replaced with another, smaller one featuring a callback to the scene of [[Evan]]'s cold-blooded torture from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Chris has yet to respond to this, most likely because he's too busy [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|bitching about not being unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]].

[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|200px|The (final) ad in question.]]

Yet another ad was put up a few days later, depicting Chris' final death. It was taken down relatively quickly and replaced with an Autism Awareness Month ad (featuring a mention of the hated [[Asperger's syndrome]], no less), so it isn't unreasonable to believe Chris may have missed this one entirely.

==Calling Out==
After attempting to ignore Alec for well over a year and a half, Chris suddenly turned around, revealing possible dox on Alec, revealing him to be a "Christopher", proclaims that he's a [[South Park|"fatty-fat-fat"]], makes donations to the [[GAMe PLACe]], and that he doesn't have Aspergers. Like [[Surfshack Tito]] and [[Thorg]], he demands reparations - namely that he make a video apologizing for [[Chris and copyright|infringing on his Sonichu "copyright"]] then demands he [[Chris and hypocrisy|leave the Internet]].

On 30 August, the day before Alec's deadline, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|Chris revealed]] the true identity of Alec as 36-year old "Christopher Paul Whitney", of San Antonio, Texas. Shockingly, the true identity of Alec was shown to be [[YouTube]] sensation "Fatman". Alec/Fatman replied on 14 [[January 2012]], calling Chris a [[Slow-in-the-minds|"dumb ass"]] and claiming not to be Alec, possibly out of fear of further reprisals from Chris.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Asperchu/Background]]: More about the comic itself.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's YouTube channel]
* [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/archive/ Asperchu on ComicFury]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]
[[Category:Asperchu Saga]]

Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2012-12-20T05:36:24Z

Requiempeace:

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails exchanged by [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] from August through December [[2007]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 9:08:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the [[Adam Stackhouse|winner]] of the [[PaRappa]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]; among their ten [[videos]], they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am [[Chris and Anger|Angry]], Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between [[MySpace]], [[PSN|Playstation Network]] and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and [[John]] each a [[PSP]]... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

As for the what happened at [[the Game Place]]; it was so-so, and I didn't get any [[Soul Calibur]] [[cards]] today. Although from my monthly tugboat, I did get the new [[Guitar Hero]] game and the PS1 classic, [[Wikipedia:UmJammer Lammy|UmJammer Lammy]], some ink for my printer, a bunch of slim cd and [[DVD]] cases and a 4GB memory stick duo.

Although I'm certain you have oodles of stories of your days in Kentucky, and I truly look forward to listening to you telling me about them. :)

Thank you, Megan, for being my continuing inspiration. I hope you all are doing well, and I await your safe and sound return. Take care.

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris hopes to make Adam Stackhouse lose by a loophole in the rules===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 8:13:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Dearest Megan,

Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and resentment against that [[Adam Stackhouse|lucky S.O.B. winner]]. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not [[Autism|Autistic]].

Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me [[Chris and sex|safe and sound]]. :)

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3}}

===Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 2:51:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: OUCH....My Heart...

Megan, sweetie, [[List of Chris's lies|I NEVER said anything about you being my "girlfriend"]]; in the video, I said, "The only song I know is 'Master Onion' which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend, Megan. I truly care about your feelings, and I am 500 times sorry... :_( I meant what all I did when I talk about you to be complimentive and flattering, not the contrary. I was only trying to make you happy.

I NEVER meant any [[Chris and rape|"sexual harrassment"]]; granted that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|I have had one or two fantasies before]], but I sincerely would NEVER intentionally do anything of the sort to you without your consent. You mean SOOOOOO much to me... As youu are aware, I'm guessing, I do not have many [[gal pal|gal-pals]] in or around [[Charlottesville]], and I treasure having you in my life, and as my closest, sweetest friend I could ever have in this one-hores, [[Virgina is for Virgins|VIRGIN-ONLY STATE]]. If I lost you... it would [[Heart level|TOTALLY SHATTER my heart]], my soul, my being. I CAN NOT AFFOARD to lose you; I need you. Having you in my life, and as my gal-pal, is essentally wkat keeps me from reverting to a sad, lonely, depressed, apocolyptic state, like I have expierenced before when that witch of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], SHATTERED MY HEART AND SOUL when I was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE]], caring, [[Tobacky|smoke-free]], [[Alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to be my friend, and over time maybe grow into a [[sweetheart|SWEETHEART]]. Even right now, as I type this E-mail, I feel like I have been torn vertically into two, and I am typing on a keyboard that has been turned upwardly crooked from being banged against a raised knee... It really hurts...

I will remove the video from the [[internet]] soon as per your request, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want you and me to still be friends. And as much as I truly understand how you feel about romance and love, I can't deny the feelings in my heart... I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH; I would look at our [[Chris and religion|sacred photo]] every night, and I would feee soooo much happier, because I have you as my one-and-only, single-solitary, once-in-a-lifetime-like, gal-pal. And I would wonder how you were getting along and faring in Kentucky, and I would hope to get to see you again in front of me soon... Megan... [[Love Quest|I love ou]].

I gotta go.

Faithfully yours; Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Megan is annoyed and creeped out===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 12:42 am 
Subject: .....

Christian-

I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your [[Chris and psychology|behavior has irritated me]] for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]] because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is [[Fuck Quest|sexual harrassment]] to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.

Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.

And I don't like your [[Megan Shrine|"Megan Obsession"]] I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in [[Soul Calibur|Soulcalibur]] and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.

With all that said, we're down to two options: 
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. 
-or- 
B: Never see me again

I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.

I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.

Please listen to me next time 
~Megan}}

===Chris begs Megan not to leave him===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 11:55 am 
Subject: Hey.

I took care of the video; I edited the original video by removing the pic, then I uploaded the new to repace the old. So your face is not in there anymore.

I was depressed ALL DAY from those harsh words, but I'm not blaming you. I can only guess something unexpected happened that wasn't in favor. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Please don't leave me, Sweet Friend, Megan.

Faithfully yours;

Chris Chan.}}

===Chris says he's not angry or jealous of Adam Stackhouse anymore===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 3:46 pm 
Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the [[Chris and Anger|burst of anger]]. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful [[rainbow]] as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

I hope to see you again soon. <3<3<3<3

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. :)}}

===Chris continues to beg Megan not to leave===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 8:27:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because [[Heart level|my heart was hit so bad]], that it [[Sex doll|sprung a leak]]... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the [[Adam Stackhouse|rule-violating winner]], for my lonely, [[Chris and sex|wandering hands]] wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this [[Autism|cursed Autistic life]]. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

[[Virgin with rage|I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder]], you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING [[Love Quest]], you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to [[the Game Place]].

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

===Chris talks about another contest and his ENDURING LOVE QUEST===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, Megan 
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:09 pm 
Attachments: Patti-Chan_Folklore_plus_details.jpg (238K), Patti-Chan_Folklore.jpg (111K)

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it was truly good to see that you all got back safe from Kentucky...I truly did miss you. Also it is a weight off my shoulders to hear from you that we are still good friends.

Anyhoo, how did John do in his Mechanics class; what was his grade and such? How was your stay in Kentucky? And have you been practicing your [[Guitar]] skills on your PS2? *I hope you got better. :)

Also, a few weeks ago, I learned about the Folklore Create-A-Creature contest on the Playstation website; make up a unique creature suitable for the Fantasy world of the upcoming [[PS3]] game, write up the details of the character and send in the .jpg file. Five will be chosen, among whom will win a copy of the PS3 game and a matching artwork book, and Only One will be programmed into a upcoming Downloable-from-the-Playstation-Store Add-On where the creature will be catchable and playable in the game. Simply put, I sent in [[Patti-Chan]] (see image below). Speaking of [[Patti]], cute-like story, it was June 27, 2007, the date of the first year anniversary since her [[Chris and English|accent]] to heaven. On that date, neither of us realizing the anniversary yet, but my mother talked about going to the local SPCA building and adopting a new dog. That night, I realized it upon a Random Remembering, and I cried for a while, so did my mother after I had informed her. But we did realize that we talked about adopting a new dog on the date of the first anniversary. Bless her soul.

Well, like I said, I will be returing to the [[University of Virginia|UVA's Alderman Library]] twice a week starting Sept. 4 to resume my Sweetheart Search (AKA [[Love Quest]]). *sigh* It will be lonely, torturing and enduring like it has been in the past, but I have my dream of a lil' [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. And the movies and games on my PSP will give me something else to think about as I go back to wishin', hopin', and prayin' to be found by an "18-25-Year Old, caring, sweet, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl" (hopefully a virgin) "to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up". And at the end of each lonely wait, I will quote my old [[random access humor|joke]] of a commercial, "Call Right Now, and we'll send you a Beautiful Girlfriend FREE". Then I will pretend to call RIGHT NOW, and always get BUPKIS. *sigh* Whatever.

One more thing, while I'm thinking about it, are you finished with the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Ranger|Pok'emon Ranger]] DS game yet, because I still remember our deal?

Well, take care you all; I'll see you all again next Friday.

Your Friend; Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 5:37 pm

That's odd...according to my yahoo sent items folder it was sent. 
It pretty much said how I had all the unwanted cards. And I am looking for 3 cards now since you somehow figured out Revenant was on that list as well. Dang you're good! The [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS cards]] I'm looking for are these: Manas & Ayas (note I think the card spells it "Ayus" which is different from the game's spelling) It's from the first SC expansion Voldo (from the first exp. 4 dots, standing upright, arms crossed) Voldo (a promo card, back facing us, butt visible, the image is an official namco drawing) And I'm also really looking for ANYTHING on the StreetFighter character [[Wikipedia:Vega (Street Fighter)|Vega]]. And one more thing, a Promo card of R. Mika. (I think the picture- she has her arms in the air.) And that's it. I hope you get lucky! Not saying you would but please don't start a R.Mika deck...I worked hard and hate being copied. You stick with the Greek Girls!

I also said how I'm doing a major room clean and can give you things I don't want. I'm still finding more stuff but so far I have: 
Absolute Boyfriend poster 
figurine of Primera from the series [[Wikipedia:Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle|Tsubasa Chronicle]] 
[[Wikipedia:Tokyo Boys & Girls|Tokyo Boys and Girls]] vol.1 (manga) 
[[Wikipedia:Someday's Dreamers|Someday's Dreamers: Spellbound]] vol.1 (manga) 
a [[My Little Pony]] badge/button/pin thing 
Some more extra [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] cards

I'm sure I'll find more stuff, let me know if you want any and all of the above. In exchange for whatever cards you find or something Still haven't played SCIII <nowiki>*sigh</nowiki>...I'll get around to it soon...

Let me know and thanks!

~Megan

PS I also said thank you for finally understanding and giving me space and toning down your affections. Even so I also said that you are still my good friend and take everything you've given me and done with great appreciation.}}

===Chris talks about cards and how lonely he is===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 11:24 pm 
Okay, here's the summary:

UFS SC Set 1 FOIL UR SR Manas & Ayas 
UFS New UR SR Promo Foil R Mika 
From same Vendor for total of $8.25 
UFS Street Fighter Vega SF02 092/126 
From another Vendor for a total of $4 
UFS Street Fighter VEGA'S CLAW SF02...096/126 Rare 
From another for a total of $3.99 
UFS Street Fighter FOIL Vega SF1P****06/12 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC3P****14/16 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC01****091/143 URARE 
From Paladin Game and Hobbies for a total of $10.72

Which totals to (rounded up) $27, and with the $4 from Revenants, that makes it $31. Although I would feel better with a total cash settlement (or installments totaling to), I will take off $18 for your listed merchandise in your recent e-mail, taking the total down to $13. Also, for your information, you have mentioned the Revenant card in your e-mail from your Yahoo address you sent on the 30th of Sept. And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still [[Mass debating|silently calling]] for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry. 
Anyhoo, I will let you know of any updates, or I will read your reply.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan also talks about cards===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 10:53 am

Thank you very much. I will bring you the 13$ and merchandise this friday. Thank you for finding these cards I never find what I'm looking for too often.

I will also bring the lot of girl cards and I hope to find the rest of the cassandras as well. Can you list me the holos you have and I'll tell you ahead what I'm interested in. Only list what you're willing to trade. And when you list found/act/attk please write beside- the character they go with like Despair-Voldo. 
Thanks so much again! See you soon!

~Megan}}
===Chris talks about Crocs and how he was kicked out of the library for soliciting sex===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Just wanted to warn John... 
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 8:37 pm

I've just learned on the [[Wikipedia:John_Tesh#John_Tesh_Radio_Show|John Tesh Radio Show]] that people who wear [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Croc Shoes]] on escelators are having their toes, toenails gnashed, torn off or worse. If he is in an area where there is an escelator, encourage him to use an elevator or stairs.

I have not received the cards yet, nor have I been able to get that second [[Wikipedia:Manaphy#Manaphy|Manaphy]] egg yet. I've had a surprise Tuesday while I was sittin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]] (waitin' to be found by a Boyfriend-Free girl). Some old hag and her bodyguard approached me and made it obvious that it was verbodden to find True Love there. Who did she think she was; the wife of the Pope? I disregarded her intrusion, but I am cautious about the possibility of another clash of battle, like in the past with that Witch of [[PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], that [[Jerkief]] at [[Fashion Square]] and the [[Manajerks]] at [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]]. Unlike Tuesday and the previous events, I am much saltier than I was.

I will never fall for the FALSE Law of True Love searching and sharing being illegal in the State of Virginia, or in short "[[Virginia is for Virgins]]," nor will I quit chillin' at the Library's Lounge Tuesdays and Thursdays with a printed advertisement in the neighborhood.

But I digress. I will see you at the Game Place tomorrow.

Take Care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: I'm sorry... <nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a [[homos|homo]]. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation. I've seen [[Wikipedia:Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina|the episode]] of "[[South Park]]" where [[Wikipedia:Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] had that operation; they showed the [[Nudes|gruesome details]]. ugh...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and e motional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my [[Autism]] is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.}}

===Megan had it worse in school===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: ok 
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 5:18 pm

Ok, thanks for the reassurance. Yes I can understand your lonliness because I was the same way...worse maybe. I mean you actually had friends through school. I didn't have any friends at all. I was treated very badly by everyone. To the point where I had to drop out and graduate through homeschool.

I still want you to know that you are still my friend. And I am grateful for everything you've done. When I look through my huge book of Sailormoon cards, I'm almost to tears because YOU were the reason it has grown into a magnificent collection! :) I appreciate everything you've done and given me. Thank you.

I'm still not interested in marriage though. It's not my style. ;)

Well hopefully things will work out now. 
And let me know if there was anything you wanted for the foil [[Wikipedia:Street Fighter Alpha 3|R. Mika]] cards you have. I even have extra commons for her if you're interested. 
Talk to you later 
You take care and feel better soon. 
haha I'm still shy about his affections though! I'm like, ok, I'm on his lap, what do I do? hahaha 
~Megan}}

===Megan is pissed that Chris is nosing in her business===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 4:24 am 
Subject: what's up?

Christian I can probably understand how you're feeling. You looked [[Chris and anger|pretty pissed]].....not to mention giving my friend the "[[:Image:FuckYouTito.jpg|fucky finger]]".

Why? Why do you hate him so much? Cause now he's really scared that you're going to go after him and kill him!

Besides if you have to hate someone, it should be me because I'M the one who didn't return your feelings and didn't want a serious relationship. Remember I have [[Women's Rights|the right]] to decide who I want to be with. Now I'm not saying that I hate you. You are still my friend....that is if you're going to stop keep getting grudges and tormenting my friend. You're hatred and jealousy towards him is affecting me as well. How do I know you're not going to do something rash? So please just leave us alone.

I'd like for you to just accept this and move on. You have no right to hate him, he did nothing bad to you! Personally I thought you'd actually be happy for me. So please listen to me and please don't do anything bad and just leave Chris alone.

Please get back to me 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, I'm cool. 
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 9:25 pm

Yeah, I'm mostly over what happened Friday. But I have a single quandry to ask, and I would appreciate an [[Honest Content|honest answer]], please. Did Christopher ask you to sit on his lap, or what incentive gave you reason to do that? Please reply with an honest answer.

Other note, I picked up a couple of blank [[wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS League cards]] for you and John to sign your names on; I'll give them to you two Friday. No tournament happened earlier; not enough people.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is scared of some fanart===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 11:50:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Megan, I've had so much to worry about today

The Good News though is that I've had more fans for Sonichu than I thought. Now the worse to bad...

I got this [[Evan|E-Mail]] earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.") I sent him a reply with respective [[Masturbating and squirtin'|criticism]]. I WAS INFURIATED!!!

Then later, I learn from an anonymous tipster about this girl'ss profile page on [[deviantART]], while she has good and fun fanart of Sonichu, SHE IS TAKING THE CREDIT, AND PLACING A FAKE COPYRIGHT, 2007 WITH HER NAME ON IT!!! You, Me, and the rest of the Sonichu Fan Club know that Sonichu Was Born On MARCH, 17, 2000 (Y2K). I sent her a message requesting her to remover her claim of copyright with a warning of Legal Actions.

All the images are attached to this e-mail, or I can show them to you on my PSP later. =0 A I just needed to get that off my head and heart, since my mom fell asleep on me at the moment.

Okay, I'll see you hopefully at the UFS Tournament. Also, don't forget to set your clocks one hour back this weekend.

Take care; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris talks about cards and mentions Lori===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net Cc: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 2:45:14 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Just to let you know...

Hey, Megan. It became kind of a ghost-town at the Game Place last Friday; most of the children left. It's too bad you didn't make it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got a Piplup and Turtwig through SUCCESSFUL Trades through the [[wikipedia:Global Trade Station|GTS (Wi-Fi)]]. Also, have you or John gone underground with the Explorers' Kit? I found 4 Skull Fossils, so I have 3 extra Craniados; if I don't get one through the GTS by the Friday after Thanksgiving (NO LEAGUE this coming Friday), I need the other fossil Pokemon of the Diamond/Pearl Generation (the one that evolves into Bastiedon). I will trade you or John a Craniados for that Fossil Pokemon. One more thing, please Show me a Palkia in my Diamond game, so I can try to get one through the GTS.

That's about it for now. Please reply ASAP.

Take care; Chris Chan.

P.S. This is [[Lori Lopez|Lori]]; the girl my buddy [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] is hooking me up with. She had it done at JMU; that's why it has her name on it.}}

===Megan is curious===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:05 am

Well I'm not too far with Pearl but John has a lot of Pokemon. Have you met this girl yet? Well I hope it goes well for you. Let me know how it goes! I forgot to ask last night but could you find out if there will be UFS this coming sunday? Thanks!

Bye bye 
~Megan}}
===Chris really likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 2:17 pm

I'll be meeting [[Lori Lopez|Lori]] soon. I've traded a LV.20 Male Burmy for a Shieldon over the GTS, so I'm good on the fossils for now. Not this coming Sunday; it's Thanksgiving Weekend; No Pokemon this week either. Thank you for replying and letting meknow. Please work on getting that Palkia, so I can have my character see it, so I can find it through the GTS. I will likely start the Ranger adventure again so I can get my own Manaphy. BTW, try Manaphy and Ditto at the Day Care; my Player's Guide says there's a non-evolving baby Manaphy to be hatched from that combination.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan asks him for Nazi music or something===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: Christian Chandler <cwcsonichu@aol.com> 
Subject: one more favor? 
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:08 pm

Hey, I hope things go well between you and Lori.

Hope it's not a problem but I have ONE more request from [http://sailormusic.net/ Sailormusic.net]. I was going to download the ogg.vorbis thing but it didn't work...

On the international Albums could you please save all the German stuff for me please? I think each link is compressed file of several songs. Would that be ok with you? I would really like them and can't find them anywhere else...

Thanks again, I'll remember to bring Pokemon next time 
PS is it possible to save them and maybe email me the converted files? 
~Megan}}

===Chris is boring and still likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com Cc: polizeigewalt@aim.com 
Sent: Tue, 18 Dec 2007 8:42:27 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hey, Megan.

Just a reminder; please reply if otherwise, but please don't forget my [[wikipedia:Memory Stick#Memory Stick Duo|Memory Stick Duo]], as well as yours and John's Pokemon Diamond/Pearl games and DS Systems for when I meet you all at The End tomorrow.

I will be sure to come with my Wii and Pokemon Battle Revolution and my [[wikipedia:Datel Action Replay|Action Replay DS]] accessory.

I will check my e-mail tomorrow in the afternoon for your reply.

Take care, and see you all tomorrow. Chris Chan.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:20070807a-Meg-Piss Off.PNG
Image:Megan 07-10-20-1.PNG
Image:Megan_07-10-20-2.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Talk:Patti-Chan

2012-12-20T05:35:03Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:0733-Megan Shrine3.JPG|thumb]]
The character design for Patti-Chan was originally drawn up by Meghan. May want to make a little note about that...--[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 11:29, 3 April 2009 (CEST)

*The moar you know. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:15, 3 April 2009 (CEST)

==Folklore==

I noticed in one of his emails to Megan, he attached some pics of Patti for a "Folklore" game contest. [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris_talks_about_another_contest_and_his_ENDURING_LOVE_QUEST] Anyone have those? --[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 21:35, 19 December 2012 (PST)

Kacey and Liquid Call

2012-12-05T04:51:08Z

Requiempeace:

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]] ([[Solid Chris]]) mostly consists of him trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Chris loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Chris whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Chris to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! You're 27, why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barb called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barb and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' No, Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barb that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 '''Liquid:''' Alright.
 [''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2012-12-05T04:49:13Z

Requiempeace:

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Adipem goddammit'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]] ([[Solid Chris]]) mostly consists of him trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point, Chris loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]], Chris is insane, and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Chris' behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Chris responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Chris only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Chris is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Chris begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Chris states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Chris declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Chris of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Chris doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Chris whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Chris to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that. [''long pause''] I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this. [''pause''] I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' [[Kim]] and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society. [''long pause''] You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ...Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler. You know that.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian, and I'll thank you to call me that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them.
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. You know, just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am. You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' [''about to cry''] I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the walls of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Chris:''' Because he has...
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second! [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying hello.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! You're 27, why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' Gecko, it was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 '''Liquid:''' Alright.
 [''tape runs out'']

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/?08ro202hlz9pzlk the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

EBay

2012-12-02T22:16:20Z

Requiempeace:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{lowercase title}}
[[Image:Etc_ebay_bid.PNG|thumb|A small overview of Chris's purchases on eBay.]]
[[Image:Etc_ebay_win.PNG|thumb|Moar.]]
{{quote|Opened package and was attacked by rabid raccoon. DO NOT TRUST THIS SELLER!|Feedback from fallenfromgrace216 on Chris's eBay account}}
'''eBay''' is an online auction site frequented by [[Chris]]. He has often purchased and sold stuff there.

==Chris as a buyer==
Chris bought a lot of [[My Little Pony]]s from the site. His many eBay purchases helped Chris accumulate a debt of $2,000 on his credit card.

During the [[Megan Saga]], [[Megan]] often got Chris to buy her stuff — pictures of World War II [[CWCville|Wehrmacht]] soldiers, [[anime]] CDs, ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' paraphernalia — from eBay, probably because she didn't have a credit card herself. In an email from 2007, Megan revealed the nature of the transactions, offering to repay Chris with "cash and or uneeded goodies",<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007#Another_email_from_the_.22Seriously_Stop_Fucking_Touching_Me.22_collection</ref> though it seems in some cases Chris would buy things as gifts for her.

According to his feedback history as of 31 [[March 2010]], he spent $12.97 on ''[[God of War]] III ''The Forgotten Warrior Skin Code for PS3 and $9.99 for a ''God of War III'' Apollo In Game Skin Code. On 1 September 2010, he spent ''thirty dollars'' on a [[ModNation Racers]] Ratchet & Clank Mod. To put that in perspective, he could have bought the PSP version of ''ModNation Racers'' with that money, which he already did.<ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref> The Ratchet & Clank Mod was later released on the [[PSN]] for merely $2.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/11/09/playstation-store-update-164/</ref> Most recently, however, Chris purchased a 'Lego Friends' promotional display stand for $30 <ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref>. 'Lego Friends' is a series of lego aimed at Pre-Teen girls, as evidenced by it's general kidiness and ease of assembly.

After being MIA on eBay for 2 years, he came back in late 2012 as a buyer. A new noteworthy feedback was the Skylanders Giants Wii Bundle Pack plus Bonus, which he sold for $165.

==Chris as a seller==
[[Image:Meat.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' merchandise]]
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|left|Notice the wonderful pile of dishes. Who wouldn't want to buy something from this house?]]
[[Image:LeapsterPink.jpg|thumb|Chris auctioned off a [[Homos|pink]] Leapster similar to this one on August 13, 2008.]]
Since the late [[2008]], when the Chris-chan phenomenon became more widely known, people used Chris's eBay account as a means to troll him. They would bid on his auction, not pay, and then leave lulzy negative feedback.

Early in [[2009]], Chris tried to stop this form of trolling by changing his eBay name to "[[Chris and religion|jesusguidesme2]]", and deleting information from his account. It didn't work. The account had been dormant since [[September 2010]], but was active again as of [[August 2012]].

As of [[September 2009]], Chris, in a rare display of monetary wisdom, sold two of his awful [[Gitar of Fail|guitars.]] While not the autistic magnum opus we know as that [[Gitar of Fail]], the "[[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|Meatwad's Shredwad]]" shows off Chris's disregard for [[Parody|copyright]] and his fail art in one fell stroke. It's perfectly okay for Chris to sell his crappy fake ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' merch, but none of those slanderous [[trolls]] can do [[Chris and hypocrisy|''the exact same goddamn thing'']] with [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] products. He also sold his Gibson model controller, which was covered in stickers.

Amazingly, someone actually purchased both controllers for a ridiculous $90.99, plus $6 for shipping. Although the buyer seemed to be satisfied based on the comments, it is likely that he/she was either a troll or a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

He also sold a [[Transformers|Bumblebee 2008 Concept Camaro]] claiming that it was unopened, which wasn't true.

In August 2008, Chris auctioned off a pink [[Wikipedia:LeapFrog Enterprises|LeapFrog]] [[Wikipedia:Leapster|Leapster]]. He received $29.99 for it. The Leapster is a handheld "educational" video game system marketed to children ages 4-10. This wasn't released until late [[2003]], so Chris was at least ''twenty-one'' when he bought it. He may have bought it because there was a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic X'']] game available for the system. The game, which involves answering math problems to advance, is appropriate for 5-7 year olds.<ref>[http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/leapster/leapster_learning/lg_sonic.html]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's eBay sales]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://myworld.ebay.com/jesusguidesme2 Chris's account]
*[http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true His feedback]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi Stuff Chris auctioned]

[[Category:Websites]]

Talk:EBay

2012-12-02T22:15:49Z

Requiempeace:

Clyde has procured Chris's eBay selling history and posted it [http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi here]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:42, 28 October 2009 (CET)

== Active again ==

<s>Went on his eBay and noticed he's back, starting from August 7, 2012. Right now he's just buying things, and only one shows the information on his purchase. (He bought a [http://www.ebay.com/itm/Skylanders-Giants-Wii-Bundle-Pack-plus-Bonus-/190754422302 Skylanders toy pack for $165 ], on Nov. 27, 2012. Jesus Christ.) So yeah, might want to keep an eye on his activity. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 14:10, 2 December 2012 (PST)
*EDIT: Holy shit, I just looked through the Skylanders listing and he bought a BRAND NEW WII CONSOLE. Either his Wii broke or he's just wasting money again. Someone might want that information incorporated somewhere. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 14:14, 2 December 2012 (PST)</s>

Nevermind, I'm retarded. He sold the Skylanders Wii. I'm leaving this page now before I write anything else stupid. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 14:15, 2 December 2012 (PST)

Talk:EBay

2012-12-02T22:14:00Z

Requiempeace: He bought a new Wii

Clyde has procured Chris's eBay selling history and posted it [http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi here]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:42, 28 October 2009 (CET)

== Active again ==

Went on his eBay and noticed he's back, starting from August 7, 2012. Right now he's just buying things, and only one shows the information on his purchase. (He bought a [http://www.ebay.com/itm/Skylanders-Giants-Wii-Bundle-Pack-plus-Bonus-/190754422302 Skylanders toy pack for $165 ], on Nov. 27, 2012. Jesus Christ.) So yeah, might want to keep an eye on his activity. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 14:10, 2 December 2012 (PST)
*EDIT: Holy shit, I just looked through the Skylanders listing and he bought a BRAND NEW WII CONSOLE. Either his Wii broke or he's just wasting money again. Someone might want that information incorporated somewhere. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 14:14, 2 December 2012 (PST)

Talk:EBay

2012-12-02T22:10:37Z

Requiempeace:

EBay

2012-12-02T22:06:30Z

Requiempeace: /* Chris as a buyer */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{lowercase title}}
[[Image:Etc_ebay_bid.PNG|thumb|A small overview of Chris's purchases on eBay.]]
[[Image:Etc_ebay_win.PNG|thumb|Moar.]]
{{quote|Opened package and was attacked by rabid raccoon. DO NOT TRUST THIS SELLER!|Feedback from fallenfromgrace216 on Chris's eBay account}}
'''eBay''' is an online auction site frequented by [[Chris]]. He has often purchased and sold stuff there.

==Chris as a buyer==
Chris bought a lot of [[My Little Pony]]s from the site. His many eBay purchases helped Chris accumulate a debt of $2,000 on his credit card.

During the [[Megan Saga]], [[Megan]] often got Chris to buy her stuff — pictures of World War II [[CWCville|Wehrmacht]] soldiers, [[anime]] CDs, ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' paraphernalia — from eBay, probably because she didn't have a credit card herself. In an email from 2007, Megan revealed the nature of the transactions, offering to repay Chris with "cash and or uneeded goodies",<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007#Another_email_from_the_.22Seriously_Stop_Fucking_Touching_Me.22_collection</ref> though it seems in some cases Chris would buy things as gifts for her.

According to his feedback history as of 31 [[March 2010]], he spent $12.97 on ''[[God of War]] III ''The Forgotten Warrior Skin Code for PS3 and $9.99 for a ''God of War III'' Apollo In Game Skin Code. On 1 September 2010, he spent ''thirty dollars'' on a [[ModNation Racers]] Ratchet & Clank Mod. To put that in perspective, he could have bought the PSP version of ''ModNation Racers'' with that money, which he already did.<ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref> The Ratchet & Clank Mod was later released on the [[PSN]] for merely $2.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/11/09/playstation-store-update-164/</ref> Most recently, however, Chris purchased a 'Lego Friends' promotional display stand for $30 <ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref>. 'Lego Friends' is a series of lego aimed at Pre-Teen girls, as evidenced by it's general kidiness and ease of assembly.

After being MIA on eBay for 2 years, he came back in late 2012 as a buyer. A new noteworthy purchase was the Skylanders Giants Wii Bundle Pack plus Bonus, which he bought for $165.

==Chris as a seller==
[[Image:Meat.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' merchandise]]
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|left|Notice the wonderful pile of dishes. Who wouldn't want to buy something from this house?]]
[[Image:LeapsterPink.jpg|thumb|Chris auctioned off a [[Homos|pink]] Leapster similar to this one on August 13, 2008.]]
Since the late [[2008]], when the Chris-chan phenomenon became more widely known, people used Chris's eBay account as a means to troll him. They would bid on his auction, not pay, and then leave lulzy negative feedback.

Early in [[2009]], Chris tried to stop this form of trolling by changing his eBay name to "[[Chris and religion|jesusguidesme2]]", and deleting information from his account. It didn't work. The account had been dormant since [[September 2010]], but was active again as of [[August 2012]].

As of [[September 2009]], Chris, in a rare display of monetary wisdom, sold two of his awful [[Gitar of Fail|guitars.]] While not the autistic magnum opus we know as that [[Gitar of Fail]], the "[[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|Meatwad's Shredwad]]" shows off Chris's disregard for [[Parody|copyright]] and his fail art in one fell stroke. It's perfectly okay for Chris to sell his crappy fake ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' merch, but none of those slanderous [[trolls]] can do [[Chris and hypocrisy|''the exact same goddamn thing'']] with [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] products. He also sold his Gibson model controller, which was covered in stickers.

Amazingly, someone actually purchased both controllers for a ridiculous $90.99, plus $6 for shipping. Although the buyer seemed to be satisfied based on the comments, it is likely that he/she was either a troll or a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

He also sold a [[Transformers|Bumblebee 2008 Concept Camaro]] claiming that it was unopened, which wasn't true.

In August 2008, Chris auctioned off a pink [[Wikipedia:LeapFrog Enterprises|LeapFrog]] [[Wikipedia:Leapster|Leapster]]. He received $29.99 for it. The Leapster is a handheld "educational" video game system marketed to children ages 4-10. This wasn't released until late [[2003]], so Chris was at least ''twenty-one'' when he bought it. He may have bought it because there was a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic X'']] game available for the system. The game, which involves answering math problems to advance, is appropriate for 5-7 year olds.<ref>[http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/leapster/leapster_learning/lg_sonic.html]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's eBay sales]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://myworld.ebay.com/jesusguidesme2 Chris's account]
*[http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true His feedback]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi Stuff Chris auctioned]

[[Category:Websites]]

EBay

2012-12-02T22:03:46Z

Requiempeace: /* Chris as a seller */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{lowercase title}}
[[Image:Etc_ebay_bid.PNG|thumb|A small overview of Chris's purchases on eBay.]]
[[Image:Etc_ebay_win.PNG|thumb|Moar.]]
{{quote|Opened package and was attacked by rabid raccoon. DO NOT TRUST THIS SELLER!|Feedback from fallenfromgrace216 on Chris's eBay account}}
'''eBay''' is an online auction site frequented by [[Chris]]. He has often purchased and sold stuff there.

==Chris as a buyer==
Chris bought a lot of [[My Little Pony]]s from the site. His many eBay purchases helped Chris accumulate a debt of $2,000 on his credit card.

During the [[Megan Saga]], [[Megan]] often got Chris to buy her stuff — pictures of World War II [[CWCville|Wehrmacht]] soldiers, [[anime]] CDs, ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' paraphernalia — from eBay, probably because she didn't have a credit card herself. In an email from 2007, Megan revealed the nature of the transactions, offering to repay Chris with "cash and or uneeded goodies",<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007#Another_email_from_the_.22Seriously_Stop_Fucking_Touching_Me.22_collection</ref> though it seems in some cases Chris would buy things as gifts for her.

According to his feedback history as of 31 [[March 2010]], he spent $12.97 on ''[[God of War]] III ''The Forgotten Warrior Skin Code for PS3 and $9.99 for a ''God of War III'' Apollo In Game Skin Code. On 1 September 2010, he spent ''thirty dollars'' on a [[ModNation Racers]] Ratchet & Clank Mod. To put that in perspective, he could have bought the PSP version of ''ModNation Racers'' with that money, which he already did.<ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref> The Ratchet & Clank Mod was later released on the [[PSN]] for merely $2.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/11/09/playstation-store-update-164/</ref> Most recently, however, Chris purchased a 'Lego Friends' promotional display stand for $30 <ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref>. 'Lego Friends' is a series of lego aimed at Pre-Teen girls, as evidenced by it's general kidiness and ease of assembly.

==Chris as a seller==
[[Image:Meat.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' merchandise]]
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|left|Notice the wonderful pile of dishes. Who wouldn't want to buy something from this house?]]
[[Image:LeapsterPink.jpg|thumb|Chris auctioned off a [[Homos|pink]] Leapster similar to this one on August 13, 2008.]]
Since the late [[2008]], when the Chris-chan phenomenon became more widely known, people used Chris's eBay account as a means to troll him. They would bid on his auction, not pay, and then leave lulzy negative feedback.

Early in [[2009]], Chris tried to stop this form of trolling by changing his eBay name to "[[Chris and religion|jesusguidesme2]]", and deleting information from his account. It didn't work. The account had been dormant since [[September 2010]], but was active again as of [[August 2012]].

As of [[September 2009]], Chris, in a rare display of monetary wisdom, sold two of his awful [[Gitar of Fail|guitars.]] While not the autistic magnum opus we know as that [[Gitar of Fail]], the "[[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|Meatwad's Shredwad]]" shows off Chris's disregard for [[Parody|copyright]] and his fail art in one fell stroke. It's perfectly okay for Chris to sell his crappy fake ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' merch, but none of those slanderous [[trolls]] can do [[Chris and hypocrisy|''the exact same goddamn thing'']] with [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] products. He also sold his Gibson model controller, which was covered in stickers.

Amazingly, someone actually purchased both controllers for a ridiculous $90.99, plus $6 for shipping. Although the buyer seemed to be satisfied based on the comments, it is likely that he/she was either a troll or a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

He also sold a [[Transformers|Bumblebee 2008 Concept Camaro]] claiming that it was unopened, which wasn't true.

In August 2008, Chris auctioned off a pink [[Wikipedia:LeapFrog Enterprises|LeapFrog]] [[Wikipedia:Leapster|Leapster]]. He received $29.99 for it. The Leapster is a handheld "educational" video game system marketed to children ages 4-10. This wasn't released until late [[2003]], so Chris was at least ''twenty-one'' when he bought it. He may have bought it because there was a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic X'']] game available for the system. The game, which involves answering math problems to advance, is appropriate for 5-7 year olds.<ref>[http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/leapster/leapster_learning/lg_sonic.html]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's eBay sales]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://myworld.ebay.com/jesusguidesme2 Chris's account]
*[http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true His feedback]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi Stuff Chris auctioned]

[[Category:Websites]]

EBay

2012-12-02T22:03:10Z

Requiempeace:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{lowercase title}}
[[Image:Etc_ebay_bid.PNG|thumb|A small overview of Chris's purchases on eBay.]]
[[Image:Etc_ebay_win.PNG|thumb|Moar.]]
{{quote|Opened package and was attacked by rabid raccoon. DO NOT TRUST THIS SELLER!|Feedback from fallenfromgrace216 on Chris's eBay account}}
'''eBay''' is an online auction site frequented by [[Chris]]. He has often purchased and sold stuff there.

==Chris as a buyer==
Chris bought a lot of [[My Little Pony]]s from the site. His many eBay purchases helped Chris accumulate a debt of $2,000 on his credit card.

During the [[Megan Saga]], [[Megan]] often got Chris to buy her stuff — pictures of World War II [[CWCville|Wehrmacht]] soldiers, [[anime]] CDs, ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' paraphernalia — from eBay, probably because she didn't have a credit card herself. In an email from 2007, Megan revealed the nature of the transactions, offering to repay Chris with "cash and or uneeded goodies",<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007#Another_email_from_the_.22Seriously_Stop_Fucking_Touching_Me.22_collection</ref> though it seems in some cases Chris would buy things as gifts for her.

According to his feedback history as of 31 [[March 2010]], he spent $12.97 on ''[[God of War]] III ''The Forgotten Warrior Skin Code for PS3 and $9.99 for a ''God of War III'' Apollo In Game Skin Code. On 1 September 2010, he spent ''thirty dollars'' on a [[ModNation Racers]] Ratchet & Clank Mod. To put that in perspective, he could have bought the PSP version of ''ModNation Racers'' with that money, which he already did.<ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref> The Ratchet & Clank Mod was later released on the [[PSN]] for merely $2.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/11/09/playstation-store-update-164/</ref> Most recently, however, Chris purchased a 'Lego Friends' promotional display stand for $30 <ref>http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true</ref>. 'Lego Friends' is a series of lego aimed at Pre-Teen girls, as evidenced by it's general kidiness and ease of assembly.

==Chris as a seller==
[[Image:Meat.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' merchandise]]
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|left|Notice the wonderful pile of dishes. Who wouldn't want to buy something from this house?]]
[[Image:LeapsterPink.jpg|thumb|Chris auctioned off a [[Homos|pink]] Leapster similar to this one on August 13, 2008.]]
Since the late [[2008]], when the Chris-chan phenomenon became more widely known, people used Chris's eBay account as a means to troll him. They would bid on his auction, not pay, and then leave lulzy negative feedback.

Early in [[2009]], Chris tried to stop this form of trolling by changing his eBay name to "[[Chris and religion|jesusguidesme2]]", and deleting information from his account. It didn't work. The account had been dormant since [[September 2010]], but was active again as of August 2012.

As of [[September 2009]], Chris, in a rare display of monetary wisdom, sold two of his awful [[Gitar of Fail|guitars.]] While not the autistic magnum opus we know as that [[Gitar of Fail]], the "[[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|Meatwad's Shredwad]]" shows off Chris's disregard for [[Parody|copyright]] and his fail art in one fell stroke. It's perfectly okay for Chris to sell his crappy fake ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' merch, but none of those slanderous [[trolls]] can do [[Chris and hypocrisy|''the exact same goddamn thing'']] with [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] products. He also sold his Gibson model controller, which was covered in stickers.

Amazingly, someone actually purchased both controllers for a ridiculous $90.99, plus $6 for shipping. Although the buyer seemed to be satisfied based on the comments, it is likely that he/she was either a troll or a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

He also sold a [[Transformers|Bumblebee 2008 Concept Camaro]] claiming that it was unopened, which wasn't true.

In August 2008, Chris auctioned off a pink [[Wikipedia:LeapFrog Enterprises|LeapFrog]] [[Wikipedia:Leapster|Leapster]]. He received $29.99 for it. The Leapster is a handheld "educational" video game system marketed to children ages 4-10. This wasn't released until late [[2003]], so Chris was at least ''twenty-one'' when he bought it. He may have bought it because there was a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|''Sonic X'']] game available for the system. The game, which involves answering math problems to advance, is appropriate for 5-7 year olds.<ref>[http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/leapster/leapster_learning/lg_sonic.html]</ref>
{{Clear}}

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's eBay sales]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://myworld.ebay.com/jesusguidesme2 Chris's account]
*[http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jesusguidesme2&ftab=AllFeedback&myworld=true His feedback]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?kdhtoczdlxi Stuff Chris auctioned]

[[Category:Websites]]

SonichuBabies

2012-12-01T23:22:44Z

Requiempeace:

[[File:SB.PNG]]

'''SonichuBabies''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In it, Chris rips off the [[1980s]] cartoon ''[[Wikipedia:Jim Henson's Muppet Babies|Jim Henson's Muppet Babies]]'' by recasting the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[Sonee and Rosey|babies]]. Much like [[Things Chris has ripped off|everything else he steals]], Chris's version of the series lacks any of the charm and wit the original cartoon had, transforming it into "Chaotic Combo as babies, doing stuff babies aren't ''supposed'' to be doing!"

The video is notable for showing how poorly Chris understands childcare. In addition to leaving the group unattended, the children watch TV shows meant for older audiences, ostracize and bully [[Blake]], and [[CWC Fighter|physically fight each other]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = SonichuBabies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q2PE_bTOKKc}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Not visible
| previous = [[A Workout]]
| next = [[PlayingHouse]]
}}

{{quote|We're having fun today in [[Chris's room|da room]], aren't we!}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Wittle Cute Sonees Page 1 by johaely.jpg|thumb|Sonichu babies!]]

''[Displays four crude drawings of members of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as babies, stuck to the end of what appear to be pens or straws, singing]'' Dooweeoooh, [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] babies, we make our dreams come truueee...

''[Wild Sonichu and Blake in shot]'' Sonichu babies, we'll do the same for youuu...

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Sonichu (character)|Sonee]] and [[Rosechu|Rosey]] in shot]'' When your world was kinda weird and you wished that you weren't theeere...

'''Rosey:''' Just close your eyes and make-believe, and you can be anywhere!

''[Drawing of a pair of human legs in shot]''

'''Nanny:''' Is everything alright in here?

'''Babies:''' Yes Nanny!

''[Displays all drawings, dropping some]'' Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Okay, let's beginning da show!

''[Sonee and Rosey appear]''

'''Sonee:''' We're having fun today in d-in d-in da ''room'', aren't we! Y-Aren't we Rosey!

'''Rosey:''' Hehedat's right Sonee, we're having fun in here! Dat's [[Wild]], [[Bubbles]] ''[Blake appears instead of Bubbles]'', [[Punchy]] ''[Angelica appears instead of Punchy]'', [[Magi-chan]], [[Angelica]], even [[Blake]]! ''[Shows other drawings]''

'''Blake:''' Hello. What? I'm [[Christian Weston Chandler|the weird one]]. Compare me to Gonzo. I have [[niggos|black]] hair though.

''[Fumbles with sticks for a few seconds, removes all but Sonee and Rosey]''

'''Both:''' Anyway, come with us, we'regoingtohavefun, whee!

''[Moves the two around without rhyme or reason]''

'''Both:''' Whee, oh we're having fun, wheeeewheeee! Mm.

'''Sonee:''' Ey Ro- ey Rosey we're jus' a... d-d-fun. What'd you wanna do now?

'''Rosey:''' I wanna do that thing like we saw on da [[TV]] show.

'''Sonee:''' That what ya wanna do?

'''Rosey:''' Yeaah! Alright!

''[Makes the babies kiss]''

'''Both:''' Mmmmmmm! Mmmmm!

''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chris and writing|Exposition!Magi-chan]] moves into shot]''

'''Magi-chan:''' What? Ever since they watched- they seen that kissing scene, on that episode of... [[wikipedia:The Young and the Restless|The Young and the Restless]]... they been makin' out, all the time! They've been overdoin' it. Lil' Sonee has been noted saying, "she tastes like applesauce"!

''[Disembodied legs return]''

'''Nanny:''' Hey kids, I got' go out now. And mukku-my husband's comin' with me.

''[Comic Chris's trademark sneakers join]''

'''Chris:''' That's right. We're going out to go- we're going out shopping. We're gonna bring back some delicious groceries, and we'll be back in a lil' while. ''[Pause]'' Wait a minute. Who's gonna mind the babies?

'''Nanny:''' Oh yeah you're right. You stay home.

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah you're right, [[Monthly tugboat |I'll stay home]], you go out to get the groceries.

'''Nanny:''' Look how we settled that!

'''Chris:''' Well, we s- we're always able to settle things. Even und- even our minor disagreements. Look the way we still love each other. Mmm. ''[Pieces of paper "kiss"]'' Okay, see you later. ''[Female legs leave]''

'''Chris:''' Alright children, y'all s- y'all be careful out here. I'm gonna keep the door op- I'm gonna keep the door open, you just uh, give me a shout if you uh, need anything. ''[Hastily grabs bunch of children in view]'' ''Okay Papa C!''

''[Bubbles and Wild, Rosey accidentally sneaks into frame]''

'''Bubbles:''' What's the matter, Wild?

'''Wild:''' Iunno. Suddenly I just don't feel well.

'''Bubbles:''' Well, and why is that?

'''Wild:''' I- I was watchin' my- I was watchin' Blues Clues the other day, and, I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' You missed a clue? How'd you do that? You're- that guy was supposed to be able to detect da clues before that guy in the green shirt does!

'''Wild:''' Yeah, what was that guy's name?

'''Bubbles:''' Uhh... heck if I know!

'''Wild:''' Mm. Well, anyway... I feel, a bit, I feel bad because I missed a clue!

'''Bubbles:''' Dun worry about it, we all make mistakes.

'''Wild:''' Yeah, you're right. We all do make mistakes. I guess I'll get over this someho- s-sometime.

'''Bubbles:''' Yeah, you will. Hey, let's go play in the t- let's go play on the merry-go-round.

'''Wild:''' Okay! ''[Both move out of frame]'' Whee whee whee whee whee we'll go play onna merry-go round!

''[Pause, fumbling noises offscreen. Punchy enters.]''

'''Punchy:''' [[wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]! Miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow! Samurai Pizza Cats! Miaowmiaowmiow miaow miaow! Samurai armor! Oh! A [[CWCville|communist]], huh? You freakin' no good-- [interrupted by off-screen female voice] Would anyone happen to have a nail file on them? ...C'mon sweetie, we're all doin' a TV show! Hey wait a sec I thought [unintelligible] in real time because I watchin' live television!

''[Replaced by Blake]''

'''Blake:''' Yeah. Mm. I really like Bubbles. She's so pretty. She's so bubbly, she's so fun! ...I'm just-b-I'm just the weirdo here. I'm the one that gets left out. And it's not because um- and it's not [[Niggo|because o' my color]]! It's just because I have my own opinions aside from theirs. I do things for myself. ...Sometimes I like to re- sometimes I like to read even though I don't know how to read yet! ...I'm different. I think for myself and things. I play too sometimes. But I'm s- but it brings danger along som- uh, it brings danger with me sometimes, n'...that makes me sad. Y'know, they can't apprecia-me, appreciate me even though I'm never danger...

''[Sonee and Rosey enter, Punchy sneaks into frame]''

'''Rosey:''' Listen-listen to-m-listen to Blake over there. He's all goin' on an' on with his own self, impulses again.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, always talkin' to himself, eh? I don't know, think he's gone weird-

'''Blake:''' Aw, will ya shut up? We all talk to ourselves at one time or another.

'''Rosey:''' Sorry, Blake!

'''Sonee:''' Yeah, sorry dude.

'''Blake:''' Aah, whatever. ''[Blake saunters off]'' Hmm.

''[Angelica enters]''

'''Angelica:''' All the lovely things we r- I read in the Bible. Lalalalalalalaa. Lovely things, inna Bible. Good story.

''[Magi-chan appears]''

'''Magi-chan:''' Mmm, what stories are you reading about there, Angelica?

'''Angelica:''' Oh, this one, I'm reading about [[Sega|Genesis]]. The story of Adam and Eve!

'''Magi-chan:''' Ah yes. And then the apple gets bitten.

'''Angelica:''' YOU SPOILED IT FOR ME!! [Pause] I suppose next you're gonna tell me who gets thrown out first.

'''Magi-chan:''' I won't, I'll just uh, give you respect, there.

'''Angelica:''' Thank you. [''Pause''] Oh no, Eve gets kicked out first? [''Whine''] Well, at least [[Women's Rights|we women grew to power]] eventually.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah.

''[Awkward pause]''

'''Angelica:''' Praaaise Jesus in all his lov- in all his... forgiveness for us, he died for our sins and everything.

'''Magi-chan:''' Yes, we are Christians. We go to church every Sunday.

'''Angelica:''' An' Nanny takes us!

'''Magi-chan:''' Yeah. And Chris comes with us too! [[Chris and religion|He's a good Christian, yes he is.]]

'''Angelica:''' So what you wanna do now?

'''Magi-chan:''' Let's go play with [[Lego]]s!

'''Angelica:''' Okay! Wheeee! We're off to play with Legos!

''[Long pause. Punchy and Bubbles come into view, before being hastily retracted. Chris mumbles to himself before replacing Bubbles with Wild Sonichu]''

'''Punchy:''' Hey Wild, you wanna spar a li'l?

'''Wild:''' Okay Punchy!

''[Punchy launches himself at Wild, falls over]''

'''Punchy:''' Huh. Got me there.

''[Wild "hits" Punchy]''

'''Punchy:''' Got me again. Well, I'm gonna get you now. PEWWWW!

''[Punchy flies into Wild, both go offscreen. Punchy returns alone]''

'''Punchy:''' Oh, shoot. I [[Mypoe|knocked him out da window!]] Yo c'mon[?], come in back in da window!

'''Wild:''' I'm really hurt! You had me lyin' in a bush!

[[File:11cfxgi.jpg.png|thumb|right|The Sonichu Babies]]

'''Punchy:''' I'm sorry.

''[Awkward silence]''

'''Punchy:''' Aah, it's okay. Just be careful to watch yer punches. Cuz I gotta pull my punches if I wanna work[?] inside the nursery.

'''Wild:''' Yeah.

'''Punchy:''' So, I'll do that.

''[Punchy comes forward]''

'''Punchy:''' Because, [[Death threats|violence is not always the answer]] to e- is not always the answer. So- ye- uh, self defense, it ''can'' be... the answer.

''[Wild moves in front of Punchy]''

'''Wild:''' I agree. I don't like being bullied. Me, I was- b- m- I was out there riding my... bicycle the other day, an' [[Clyde Cash|bully]] comes up to me, and he, he g-steals the bicycle and he [[Kick the Autistic|beats me up]]! What's wrong with that dude?

'''Punchy:''' D'ya want me to go beat him up

'''Wild:''' Nah, I just need to learn self defense.

'''Punchy:''' I'm gonna go find and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|beat him up]]. Hiyaaa!

''[Both launch out of frame, but Wild returns]''

'''Wild:''' Ya don't even know what he looks like, where ya goin' Punchy? ...Anyway. ''[Turns around once, leaves]''

''[Punchy re-enters]''

'''Punchy:''' Th-you can't beat me Punchy[?], I'm [[Random-access humor|comical]], knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, orange you glad I didn't say banana? ''[Pause]'' What? ''[Pause]'' Oh well. Knock knock. Who's there. Uhh, hello? What d'you mean, "hello". Well you said "who's there". Dyeah knock knock joke? I say "knock knock", you say "who's there". What? I stayed up watching [[Officer Keino|Home Movies]] one night. Place- It's a funny cartoon show with Brendon Small[?]. [[Sonichu 8|Not recommended for children]], though. It- still maybe teenagers. Or youth- or you- think it's a PG rating. TV-PG. ''[Jiggles around]'' I don't care I watched it by myself! I was up, I was wirey! I couldn't go to sleep! ''[Is still for a second, before leaving somewhat abruptly.]''

''[Sonee and Rosey return]''

'''Rosey:''' Okay so... What should we do now?

'''Sonee:''' I think let's go [[PlayingHouse|play House]]!

'''Rosey:''' Yeah let's go play House again!

'''Sonee:''' Yay! Doodoodoodooboodoodoo, hi honey I'm home.

'''Rosey:''' Oh, where've you been? Mmm, I mean, how was your day sweetheart?

'''Sonee:''' It's been good, y'know, I've just been, uh, doing business and everything. M-keepin' everything- keepin' the city safe with my swift speed and lightning attacks!

'''Rosey:''' Very good. I've been minding the children. Although when I went out, I wa- I was intercepted by one of the villains! But I- gre- myself at self defence, [[The Incredible Lioness|I struck them right back!]] And I stood my ground.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' That's very good. How're the children.

'''Rosey:''' I think I just told you that. ''[She didn't.]''

'''Sonee:''' Oh yes you did! The children are good! Hey- okay- so- that was good, let's do role reversal.

'''Rosey:''' Okay!

''[Switch places]''

'''Rosey:''' Hi honey, I'm home!

'''Sonee:''' Oh hi honey, how was w- how was- how was your work at [[Jackie|journalism]]?

'''Rosey:''' Oh, very good, I wrote- guh story here, and there. [Pause] The bank was robbed.

'''Sonee:''' There was a v- there was a bank robbery?

'''Rosey:''' Yeah, didn't you hear that? There was a horse and mane!

'''Sonee:''' Horse and mane?

'''Rosey:''' [[Random Access Humor|Sure, the horse was on the main!]]''

''[Pause]''

'''Rosey:''' What? Iunno. Go figure. Comedy. Anyway, [unintelligible], and I made, bulublugh, and I made, promotion!

'''Sonee:''' Very good. The children have been doi- have been doin' good today. I mean theyuh, the [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-]] I mean uh, the younger one [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pooped all over the place]]. Ugh, that was a whole bunch to clean up. And, uh... and the older one missed the toilet! I didn't know what to do with that, 'cept to clean it up, and tell her that it was wrong to do it in that direction, not to [[Rosechu#Transgenderism|aim it this way]], that. So I've been cleanin' and cookin' and keeping house all day long.

'''Rosey:''' And I've been out journalism all day.

'''Sonee:''' Yeah.

''[Pause]''

'''Sonee:''' Anyway uh, today was grocery shopping day so I went out for groceries. S- an' children ha- and children... went with me. I took them along with me. And, they were okay in the car for a little while but then there was a scr- then on the way home there was a screaming. Yeah, the younger one was tired. Just waawaawaawaawaa. Waaa. ''[Pause]'' So the older one kept- kept the, uh- kept the younger one quiet, you know. At least she knew better. So, she calmed him down.

'''Rosey:''' That's good.

'''Sonee:''' I had to change a few [[Butt garments|diapers]] to- I had to change a whole number of diapers for that little one. What a mess. But I'm willing to go through with it, because I am the father! The house husband.

'''Rosey:''' And I'm the one that goes out, make the money.

'''Sonee:''' Okay. So. Wanna end the show.

'''Rosey:''' Why not?

'''Sonee:''' The puppet show. Alright. Yeah.

'''Narrator:''' Sonichu babies! Yaaay! Dudududududuh!

''[Feet come back into view]''

Dududududududuh! Duh duh!

'''Nanny:''' Thank you very much, goodnight!

'''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Night of the Living Sonees
| video = {{#ev:youtube|zq0jnGS2ang}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = [[user:xanabit|Xanabit]]
| subject =
| type = }}
==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]
*[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A Workout]]|nextlink=[[PlayingHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25]]

The Wallflower

2012-11-26T07:04:22Z

Requiempeace:

:''For the CWCipedia page, see [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)]]. For usage of her name on the [[CWCki]], see [[CWCki:The Wallflower|The Wallflower (policy)]]''
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Aliteralallflower.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |The Wallflower
|-
| '''Name'''
| '''[REDACTED]'''
|-
| '''Alias'''
| The Wallflower Damian Antaria
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Sweetheart|Female]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|}

{{quote|And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic virgin? ... Not even a cheap whore would want your small dick inside her, neither would I.|The Wallflower, [[Wallflower E-mails 3|speaking for women everywhere.]]}}

'''"The Wallflower"''', a.k.a. '''Damian Antaria''', is the heir to [[Megan Schroeder]], a [[gal pal|female friend]] that [[Chris]] met some time around early [[2010]]. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-[[high school]] years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of trolling. In [[March 2010]], she joined the long list of would-be [[sweetheart]]s with whom Chris failed to lose his hated virginity.

The Wallflower wanted the relationship over after a [[troll]] linked The Wallflower to the [[CWCki]]. The ending of their relationship is most likely a result of having her details leaked over the [[Internet]] and Chris exacerbating the problem. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those goddamn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some [[china]].

==The "Relationship"==
{{quote|It was getting deep. We hung out at her house in her room; it was comfy. No sex or mouth-to-mouth.|Chris [[Jackie Chat 1|explains the deepness]] of his relationship with The Wallflower.}}
{{See also|Wallflower E-mails}}
Exactly when Chris first met her is not clear, though it was through a "Young Adult Social Group". While he usually jumps at the chance to advertise his involvement with some of his other women friends to the world, he initially made only oblique, passing references to this one.

[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|The Wallflower on her [[third date]] with [[Clyde Cash]].]]

The first signs of Chris's involvement with The Wallflower showed up in late [[January 2010]]. In [[Mailbag 46#Two hip wallflowers|Mailbag #46]], answered on 26 January, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers." The Wallflower was sent to the Youth Adult Social Group at the advice of her mother. Around the same time, in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #3]] (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.

In the 14 [[February 2010]] edition of the [[CWC Blog#February 2010|CWC Blog]], Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly." When a correspondent in [[Mailbag 56#On appreciating tone (also the end)|Mailbag #56]] challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend", Chris replied "She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all."

The relationship was, at best, "just friends". Chris himself has confirmed this in [[Sonichu_Forum#News Flash: Chris is still single IRL|one of his posts on the Sonichu Forum]] and again in a [[Jackie Chat 1|private chat]] with [[Jackie]]. Chris's angry remarks on the subject of the "friend zone" in the [[Common Questions#15_January_2010|15 January 2010]] edition of the Mailbag most likely stems from [[Wallflower E-mails|The Wallflower rejecting any romantic advances]].

In [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|a series of e-mails to Vivian]], it was revealed that Chris had been seeing The Wallflower for a while, treating her as his girlfriend in almost the same manner he had treated Megan. He had taken her out on a date and had plans for a second. He even admitted to attempting to talk her into taking his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] on or before his birthday, and had planned to pay for a prostitute if she did not.

Even with all evidence to the contrary, in his [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"C-Ya Later" video]], he unabashedly [[Chris and Reality|refers to her as his]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|"girlfriend"]], despite outright stating earlier that she had refused all his advances.

A series of [[Wallflower E-mails|e-mails]] revealed by [[Surfshack Tito]] reveals that Chris's attachment to The Wallflower had been a one-sided relationship to Chris as The Wallflower, indeed, had no intention of being with Chris and was shocked and appalled at the fact that Chris even ''thought'' that she was his sweetheart.

==The "Break-up"==
{{quote|Got-Dang Asexual Woman!|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] page on The Wallflower.}}

[[File:The link.jpg|thumb|How to troll both Chris and his trolls in one simple step.]]

When Chris released a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level that revealed The Wallflower's identity, one troll decided to link her to the CWCki.

On 10 March 2010, Chris released [[A message to the Trolls|a message to the trolls]]. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a [[Cwc blog|Captain's Log]] entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME," which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.

In the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released [[Don't Mess With Me|a second video]], in which he acted out a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]] that ended with Chris slitting an invisible Clyde Cash's throat. Going by that, it's likely that Chris initially blamed the loss of The Wallflower on his old nemesis.

However, on 14 March 2010, Chris uploaded a new video and shifted the blame to another troll, [[Surfshack Tito]]. In between delivering [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|bizarre threats of violence]], Chris makes a resolution to "regain the love and trust and friendship" of his gal pal. It is not clear why Chris believes he can accomplish this goal by donning a kilt, waving around a small knife, putting on a grotesque attempt at a Scottish accent, and generally presenting a hideous affront to the culture and people of an entire nation.

Later that same day, Chris made [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|another video]] where he again referred to The Wallflower by her pen name, and literally begged her to sleep with him because his life was so hard, and otherwise he would have to pay $100 for sex with a hooker.

In the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]], leaked four days later, Chris was mocked by Tito claiming to have had sex with The Wallflower. While Chris was initially incredulous, in a [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|later video]] he expressed outrage at Tito for "taking her from [him]," as Wallflower had recently begun to back up his claims.

The [[Wallflower E-mails 3|third set of e-mails to The Wallflower]] finally confirms what had happened. As seen, The Wallflower was outright shocked at the vastness of information on her page within the [[CWCki]], assumed that Chris had set the page up himself, and ended their friendship. Chris, however, kept trying to salvage their relationship long after it became obvious that he didn't have a chance, angering her even more. She also asserted her hatred of Chris by first saying that Tito was indeed her boyfriend before giving up and just telling him that she was asexual.

==Today==
It seems that, nearly a year and a half since the events of that March morning, Chris has yet to forget her as, [[Calling Out|returning to the Internet]], he calls out Tito and demands that he apologize to her for breaking them up, still referring to her as his "girlfriend". However, a few days later, Chris made [[Correction of EX relationship status|a retraction video]], apparently clarifying that they were indeed just friends. The description of the video seems to suggest that she found out about the video and demanded he correct it.

Interestingly, though he hasn't forgotten about her, he hasn't ''"forgiven her"'' for it.

==Anonymity==
Originally, this article intruded into parts of The Wallflower's life that had nothing to do with Chris, prompting her to request that the article be reworked to refer to her under a pseudonym and avoid direct references to her personal life and identity. The CWCki's administrators reasonably agreed.

Chris is convinced that this change took place because of the angry threats he made in his video of 10 March 2010 (roughly around the time the edits were made), when in fact it had nothing to do with him. The changes to this page led him to believe that he could insist on sweeping edits to many other pages, which he listed in the [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|14 March 2010 Captain's Log update]] on the CWCipedia. Those demands were ignored.

The e-mails from The Wallflower seem to paint a fuller picture to this. It appears that when The Wallflower discovered her page on the CWCki, she got pissed at Chris and demanded that he remove that information. However, he did it through his [[YouTube]] videos. Annoyed, she went to the CWCki herself.

Chris, in the meantime, continued to drop her first name and pen name in his videos, including [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|one]] which had it in the title.

Chris later also uploaded [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|a list of his former gal-pals and sweethearts]] on the CWCipedia which included her full name. Chris goes on to blame the existence of her [[Facebook]] page for the leak of her identity and the end of their budding relationship.

Continuing with this theme, 19 [[April 2010]] would see Chris adding an [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|''entire article'']] about her to the CWCipedia. In addition to the usual fits of megalomania and delirium, the page sported a copy-pasted version of this page. Conspicuously absent, however, was this very section.

To this day, he believes the entire debacle was the Wallflower's fault for having a Facebook page for trolls to discover. [[Calling Out|Recently]], though, Chris has seen fit to ''partially'' [[Chris and remorse|accept blame]] for what happened.

==See also==
*[[Wallflower E-mails]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 2|Wallflower E-mails II]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 3|Wallflower E-mails III]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wallflower}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga]]

CWC's Sonichu Site!

2012-11-19T09:29:55Z

Requiempeace: /* Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack (early 2009 - May 2009) */

[[File:Scom.PNG|thumb|250px|Bright gaudy background colors seem to be mandatory on vanity pages.]]

'''CWC's Sonichu Site!''' (full title: '''The Official & The Originial '''''[sic]'' '''From Christian Weston Chandler the Sonichu and Rosechu Site!''') was Chris's homepage for the [[Sonichu]] franchise. It existed in various incarnations from [[2000]] to [[August 2009]], and was a regular target of hacking by trolls.

== Design and content ==

Chris liked to harp on how he took two HTML classes and likes to construct his page on [[Wikipedia:Netscape Composer|Netscape Composer]], a mercifully discontinued software product. It is fairly obvious that either the HTML classes didn't teach good web design principles, or Chris slept through those sections.

The main hub of the Sonichu site was the front page. Chris dumped everything on the front page, all of the content centered. Chris also added things to the page in random places with little thought as to where they would go, and didn't really have the time and energy to update the page. In its later incarnations, the page had mentions of ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' material, Chris's changes to the comic, and had "[[Copyright]] CWC and [[Nintendo]]", long after the end of the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

Chris's site also boasted that it was a member of the "Super [[Sonic]] Webring"; closer inspection reveals that Chris's site is not listed as a member of the webring, and Chris failed to insert the correct codes (i.e., he failed to put in his member ID, leaving "_SITE_ID_HERE_" in the links) — this simple failure to follow very simple setup instructions may have been why he was not approved as a member, as Webring owners usually checked this. His Fastcounter link is also broken. In its earliest incarnations Chris had a MIDI playing in the background, just to get that old Web 1.0 feel.

=== Sonichu-Fans (2008) ===

'''Sonichu-Fans''' was a small sub-site of Sonichu.net, created by [[PandaHalo]], and meant for use by Chris's [[fans]]. Most of the site's features were never really created. Its most notable feature was "Sonichu fan chat", a Java [[IRC]] applet that connected to [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|Rizon's #sonichu channel]]. In the days following its introduction, Chris appeared in the fan chat in person a few times.
=== Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack (early 2009 - May 2009) ===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack}}

After the nuclear winter following the release of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris made a solemn promise not to release any more naughty imagery. Naturally, he had to break this vow when he found out about the [[Sonichu Girls]] forum and wanted to impress the members.

== Hosting history ==
=== Primordial origins (August 2000 - 2007) ===
The original incarnation of the Sonichu Site was hosted on the near-legendary free host for crappy personal web pages, [[Wikipedia:Tripod.com|Tripod]], at <nowiki>http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm</nowiki> (http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm). As the site was launched back when it was not yet a crime to violate aesthetics and common sense in web design, Chris's page blended right in. Before this, [[CWC's Pokésite 1]] and [[CWC's Pokésite 2]] were hosted on AcmeCity (go.com), another popular host for ineptly cobbled-together personal pages.

Chris even reminisces about his "Sonichu Site Filing Facility Hosted by Tripod" in [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]] — not that it makes any frigging sense. It is probably just some sort of a comic-page manifestation of a psychotic break. He even calls this "burning the Tripod bridge". The fact that trolls hacked the site must have been particularly traumatizing to Chris.

In the comic, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] defeats some devil [[trolls]], moves his files away from Tripod and bombs the crap out of the site, then says "Tripod was weak, in security, and it lacked the support for Flash media, anyway". In truth, Chris's site was hacked entirely due to his weak passwords and sloppy security practices (for example, in security questions, he has put in answers that could be looked up from the web; everyone knows his [[Mary Poppins|favorite film]]). And fascinatingly enough, [[CWCipedia]] doesn't support [[Wikipedia:Flash animation|Flash]] either — otherwise, we'd be thrilled to see what kind of craziness his two HTML classes could inspire him to create in Flash.

=== [http://sonichu.net sonichu.net] (2007 - January 2009) ===

Established in [[2007]] sometime after trolls registered [[sonichu.com]] (in Christian's words, "nothing but net."). Was hacked at least twice (read: Chris gave out his passwords). Sonichu.net was hacked in [[January 2009]] by [[Gregg Mays]], prompting Chris to show his [[fangs]]. The domain was sold on [[eBay]] and is currently used to host a [[parody]] CWCville homepage. In February 2010, it became a redirect to Meatspin.

=== [http://www.sonichu.info sonichu.info] (January 2009) ===

Quickly established in [[January 2009]] to replace sonichu.net, and just as quickly hacked. The site now redirects to [http://www.sonichu.110mb.com sonichu.110mb.com]. When the man takes you away, do not resist.

=== [http://www.sonichuandrosechu.com sonichuandrosechu.com] (Early 2009 - August 2009) ===

After a hiatus Chris finally relaunched his site here. It lasted a little longer until he gave his password to [[Julie]] with predictable results. This incarnation is most notable for seeing the debut of Chris's official Rule 34 section, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]]. As of August, the website is down.

=== [http://www.cwcville.com cwcville.com] (April 2009 - May 2009) ===

After another hiatus, Chris relaunched his site at this new domain on 9 [[April 2009]]. Since Chris doesn't know how to manage the mess of links he has created, some remain broken such as the one to [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], so you'd have to change the domain name to visit it. Da major update he made to this site was to paste his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|autobiography]] after it got deleted from [[Wikipedia]].

On 15 [[May 2009]] it was hacked yet again, and featured [[Homos|gay pride]] imagery and a message that demanded the completion of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. This was later replaced with images of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Vanessa Hudgens]], some of the pictures suggesting that they have some sort of a [[sweethearts|relationship]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|Banner
Image:193-soniclgo.jpg
Image:194-SchuSteLgoIdea2.jpg
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg
Image:196-Schulgo.jpg
Image:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg
Image:198-cwctop50.jpg
</gallery>

== See also ==
* [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]]
* [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
* [[CWCki|Sonichu.com]]
* [[Chris and the Internet]]
== External links ==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/ An archived of version of the original Sonichu site in all of its homely autistic glory]
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Chris and religion

2012-11-18T19:44:23Z

Requiempeace: /* Concept of God (or: GodJesus) */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1 Cor 13:11,<ref>[http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm]</ref> on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris not understanding how professional help works<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Bob Chandler|hillbilly]] idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[sex]], [[Anger|hatred]], [[Race|intolerance]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[Julie|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[Lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naive|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was; under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Also, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in [[ego]]tism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Daughter|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

==Chris and Forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[100_2178|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|he goes on to curse and scream at them later on]].

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made a plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The_Game_Place#Chris.27s_attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism_Tutorial_Part_3|making threats to burn down the store]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris' show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly Tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian churches===
Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

[[Angelica]] is a [[Wikipedia:Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]], raised by [[Wikipedia:Nun#Catholic|nuns]]. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.

===Judaism===
"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]" reveals that Chris has some awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapprove of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref>

===Atheism===
[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> It's even harder for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[troll]]s by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]].

In [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a straw man fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and brand loyalty

2012-11-12T07:42:39Z

Requiempeace: /* Sexuality */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|You gotta have merchandise because it's like a wedding ring for the product. And it makes it- and then the fans will- will continue to support you as long as you have the merchandise a- it's like a wedding ring. |[[Download For Play Only|Chris, making his thoughts on branding as clear as he can.]]}}
[[Image:Chris Love Micky D's.png|thumb|right|I'm LOVIN' it.]]
'''Brand loyalty''' is a consumer's commitment to repeatedly purchasing a product or service from a particular company or business. Companies use advertising, loyalty programs, product placement and contests to establish a brand which consumers will recognize, consider valuable, and seek out at the expense of other brands. Due to his difficulty separating [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] Chris tends to consider advertisements to be [[AXE|literal documentation of a product's effectiveness]] rather than intrinsically biased attempts to lure consumers and as a result of his sense of entitlement he views [[Chris and contests|winning randomized contests]] as a validation of his self worth. These qualities, in combination with his [[Autism|rigid thinking, fear of change and attraction to routine]], has led Chris to have intense brand loyalty for certain products as well as hatred for their perceived rivals. His loyalty even extends to areas that would not normally considered "brands," such as mental disabilities and sexual orientations.

==Overview==
{{Quote|Oil of Olay brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good... I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously]]! I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And Axe body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!|[[Anti Troll Movement Video1|Chris, promoting hygiene products without irony.]]}}
[[Image:Rubi 110309.jpg|thumb|right|Chris considered this a reward for drinking thousands of cans of Coke.]]
Chris considers his choice of brands to be a major component of his identity. In general, once Chris has committed to a particular "brand" he will stand by it regardless of its quality. He considers those who abandon a brand in favor of a competitor, such as [[Sonichu]] fans who became fans of [[Asperchu]], to be "hypocrites." Chris seems to consider being a consumer of a particular brand as something like a relationship - at one point clumsily attempting to use a mangled quote from the video game [[Brutal Legend]] to explain this strange belief, saying that merchandise was like a wedding ring and that as long as there was branded merchandise available, fans should stay loyal<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>.

Chris is highly susceptible to marketing and branding; he feels strong loyalty to brands even, and perhaps especially, if they are essentially identical to their rivals. He is drawn to virtually every attempt at generating brand loyalty, compulsively entering any contest he encounters and fastidiously collecting various loyalty points, including [[My Coke Rewards]] and [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''McDonald's Monopoly'']].

[[Image:Lbpsucks.JPG|thumb|left|Free advertising]]
Chris seems to struggle to understand the economics of advertisements, instead seeing them as positive features in the media he enjoys. He happily included his own versions of advertisements and product placement for real brands in his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]] and nearly every issue of [[Sonichu]]; he seemed genuinely surprised that Coke, for example, wouldn't want one of his fake Coke ads - "hand-drawn charm" notwithstanding - on the [[Cwcipedia]]. He also frequently states that his videos are sponsored or "brought to you by" various companies with which he has no business relationship and uses his own variation of marketing speak to plug their products. <ref>[[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]</ref>

He is a vigorous defender of his favored brands in unusual ways, warning his readers not to purchase pirated versions of [[Little Big Planet]] (a PS3 exclusive title) for Xbox 360, despite the fact that this is impossible.

{{clear}}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==
{{quote|HERO OF MY LIFE|[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Chris, describing Sonic]}}
[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|A match made in heaven?]]
Sonic is the quintessential example of Chris's intense brand loyalty. Chris is, in many ways, the product of Sega's attempt to allow people to feel a personal connection with electronic appliances. Following Mario's success for Nintendo, Sonic was designed to appeal to young children and act as a mascot for Sega. He was concocted by combining elements from other popular cultural elements of the early 1990s, including Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Santa Claus. Part of Sega's strategy was to employ a multi-pronged marketing technique, including video games, television shows, and contests. Chris followed all of these closely and in a fateful moment became the winner of the [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes]], which cemented Sonic's place of honor in Chris's mind. Sonic became Chris's "lifelong hero," replacing his previous "lifelong hero" [[The American Rabbit]] (despite Sonic's much greater grip on his life, Chris has often felt compelled to mention the American Rabbit, as if out of some obligation). While Sonic was certainly a popular franchise, particularly in the 1990s, Chris became obsessed with the hedgehog to a level likely unanticipated by Sega. During the 1990s Sonic occupied nearly all of his thinking, serving as a fantasy world in which he could escape from the realities of daily life. Chris would generally combine Sonic with whatever he was doing, whether it was replacing the characters in Goosebumps books with Sonic characters or combining [[Bionic|Sonic with basketball to form the recolor "Bionic]]." Over the past two decades Chris has purchased nearly every Sonic-branded game, toy, and bit of merchandise, and seems to view Sonic as something like an old personal friend.

Instead of growing up and moving on when the Sonic brand began to grow stale at the end of the 1990s, Chris merged Sonic with his other beloved franchise at the time, [[Pokemon]], to create [[Sonichu]], who has largely replaced Sonic as the primary character in his internal fantasy world - although Sonic still makes occasional cameo appearances.

Despite Sonic's sidekick Tails's major presence in Sonic media, Chris rarely refers to him and conspicuously left him, or any recolor of him or two-tailed anything, absent from ''Sonichu.'' Some have speculated that this may be due to popular schoolyard rumors that conjectured that Sonic and Tails were in a homosexual relationship. Chris's notorious [[homophobia]] may have caused him to have an aversion to a character that he imagined might have tempted Sonic from "the straight path."

This sort of loyalty seems to even extend to the spinoffs as well. Despite three American cartoons (including the one kicked off his love for Sonic), two Japanese cartoons, and a long-running American comic, most if not all of Chris's usages of Sonic center on the video games.

Although Mario and Nintendo were vicious rivals of Sonic and Sega, Chris seems to have been largely oblivious to this tension and never subjected them to the kind of hatred he would aim at rivals of his favored products later in his life.

==[[PS3|Playstation 3]] vs. [[HEXBox]]==
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is never the answer.]]
[[Image:cwcps3_by_nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|right]]
{{quote|Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call My Digital Home. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|[[PS3 History Level|Chris expressing TRUE and HONEST love.]]}}
Perhaps Chris's best known case of brand loyalty is his sycophantic love of the [[PS3|Sony PlayStation 3]] and abject hatred for for the [[XBox|Microsoft XBox 360]]. While fanboyism for these video game consoles is certainly well known and the rivalry between these products was referred to as a "console war," Chris, as he frequently does, took it to a new level, irrationally hating the Xbox 360 and heaping love and money on Sony. Chris was obsessed with the PS3 long before he was able to purchase one, stating that he would throw out the cure for autism for the $600 hunk of black plastic <ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref>. When he finally bought a PS3, after failing to [[Pixelated PS3|win it in a contest]], he considered it to be the "ultimate life upgrade." The PS3 and its online component the [[PSN]], where he has spent thousands of dollars, became an extremely important part of every day for Chris. He would also use his limited budget to purchase numerous Sony branded accessories, including a flat-screen TV, a [[PSEye]], PSmove, PSmove Sharpshooter and multiple [[Guitar Hero]] controllers. Chris seems to find more pleasure in the purchasing of PS3 content than in its actual use. He frequently buys downloadable content for games he does not own. Chris seems to consider the PS3 and its games and accessories to be a genuine life improvement or something akin to investments rather than a glorified hugbox; how these electronic gizmos do anything but distract him from reality remains unclear. Chris went to great lengths to express his distaste for the PS3 primary rival: the Xbox 360, or "HEXbox" as he liked to call it. When Chris would propose a videogame such as [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]], he would make sure to state that it would be for all consoles... HEXbox excepted. Chris went as far as defacing in-store advertisements for the Xbox while yelling "kick that hex-bawx" <ref>August 2010</ref> and frequently lashing out at those who appeared to like or be affiliated with the Xbox.

Chris's reasons for hating the Xbox 360 have never been clearly defined. When pressed for answers, Chris would generally cite Xbox Live's (Xbox's online component) cost or the infamous "[[Wikipedia:Red_ring_of_death#.22General_Hardware_Failure.22_errors|red ring of death]]" <ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>. He would later admit that his anger stemmed from jealousy over being unable to afford an original Xbox and that the aforementioned reasons were merely excuses<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>. Though he later softened his stance against the Xbox under the influence of [[Jackie]], the rivalry between the consoles and Chris's loyalty towards Sony was at its peak during the height of Chris trolling. This caused his hatred to become well known and the Xbox 360 to become a bit of a mascot for trolls. Chris also associated the Xbox with trolls, depicting [[Alec Benson Leary]] as an Xbox user. Even though he has recanted much of his hatred towards the XBox 360, he has not made the choice to purchase one, despite spending the vast majority of his money on video games.

Ironically, Chris once felt similar hatred towards the Sony PS 1 and 2, which were at that time rivals to his beloved Nintendo N64 and GameCube respectively. His hatred for Sony and its gaming products, described by Chris as equal to his contemporary hatred of Microsoft, evaporated when he purchased a PS 1 at an SPCA rummage sale for a "bargain." He intended to sell it for profit, but instead played it and found it to be enjoyable. Instead of learning from this, discovering that rival consoles can be equally enjoyable, Chris simply became a Sony fanboy and began hating Microsoft.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==[[Autism]] vs. [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]]==
{{quote|Competing Retards|[[Mailbag 19|The first words that comes to Chris's mind when he thinks of Asperger's syndrome]]}}
Chris extends his loyalty to brands far outside the normal realms of products and services and into the world of mental abnormality. He is extremely loyal to his diagnosis of autism, swearing by "my autism" multiple times and considering it to be an integral part of his identity, despite having serious difficulty grasping how the condition affects his ability to function. Just as with the PS3 and Xbox 360, Chris has identified a rival to autism in Asperger's syndrome. Despite the fact that Chris's "high-functioning" autism and Asperger's are essentially identical diagnoses, Chris feels that people with Asperger's are trying to "steal his limelight" and in fact stated that the name of the disorder, beyond merely sounding like "a bad cut of meat," brought to mind "competing retards." Just like with Coke and Pepsi, Chris has taken two functionally identical things and chosen one to identify with and the other to hate.

==[[Harry Potter]] vs. [[Pokemon]]==

[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Chris expressing his hatred for "that spaz" the only way he knows how... in Pokemon form.]]
{{quote|He dared compete against Pok'emon, PLUS he is a total Spaz, and I just do not care for him at all.|[[Mailbag 7|Chris]]}}
Although this is not seen as a traditional rivalry by the rest of world, Chris has a strong dislike of the boy wizard Harry Potter because he perceives him to be a threat to the Pokemon franchise. Chris calls him a "total spaz"<ref>[[Mailbag 7|Mailbag #7]]</ref> and at one point even [[Death threats|''threatened to kill'']] [[Chris and reality|the fictional character]].<ref>[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/e/ea/100-DarkCWC.jpg "Dark Christian" card from [[Wall of Originals]].]</ref> His hatred appears to stem from Chris's perception that a brand was once again "stealing the limelight" from something he identified with, in this case Pokemon. When Harry Potter and Pokemon were released at roughly the same time while Chris was in high school. While Pokemon was aimed at younger children, Harry Potter targeted a slightly older, more literate demographic. To Chris, the choice was obvious.

In later years Chris softened his stance on Harry Potter and at the request of [[Jackie]], he [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|dressed up as a wizard and made reference to Harry Potter]].

==[[Nintendo]]==
{{quote|Listen People of Nintendo, DURING MY LIFETIME, my family and I have [[Chris and money|invested]] THOUSANDS of American Dollars and Cents in Nintendo Video Games and Systems from NES and Game Boy to Gamecube/Wii and DS/GBA.|[[Miyamoto_Saga#Chris's Inspiration|Chris, expecting his loyalty to Nintendo to be repaid.]]}}
Chris has been a lifelong fan of Nintendo products, and although his love of Sonic prevented him from becoming obsessed with Mario, Chris has owned nearly every Nintendo console and handheld since the NES (there have been no signs of the infamous Virtual Boy). His relationship with Nintendo and his interactions with [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], who he believed was interested in producing a Sonichu game, displays Chris's odd understanding of consumer/corporate relations. It appears that Chris believed that his loyalty to various corporate interests would be recognized and returned in a reciprocal fashion, as he listed his multitude of Nintendo purchases in an attempt to convince the game developer to work with him<ref>Miyamoto emails</ref>.

==Sexuality==
{{quote|I am straight; do not label me otherwise. I would rather suffer a painful [[Tomgirl|gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|[[Sonichu #9|Chris demonstrating proper use of a semicolon.]]}}
{{quote|Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, [[Virgin#No_longer_a_virgin_.28no_word_on_the_rage.29|THE FIRST TIME]], and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.|[[ChrisChanSonichu_and_WikiSysop_correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_.28CCS.29|Chris discussing his plans for his first time with his webmaster.]]}}
Chris's allegiance to heterosexuality and hatred for homosexuality could be seen as a form of warped brand loyalty. To Chris, heterosexual love is the most pure joyous expression of emotion that can be experienced, the search for which is the noblest of quests. Its opposite- homosexual love- on the other hand, is a warped dangerous temptation and those who practice it are worthy of scorn. Chris has even forgone platonic same-sex friendships in an effort to avoid any possibility that he might associate with and be tempted by a homosexual. Just as with his hatred for the XBox, Chris is completely closed minded when it comes to evaluating homosexuality; to him it is the enemy and the mere thought of it makes him blind with rage. Despite his efforts at finding heterosexual love, Chris seems more concerned with insuring that he is properly labeled as a STRAIGHT man. His efforts to prove to the world that he is in fact not a homo include going as far as planning to record and publicize his first heterosexual experience against the wishes of his hypothetical partner. Whether Chris's hatred for homosexual stems from jealousy, as it did with his hatred for the XBox, is unknown.

The origin of this loyalty can be traced back to his childhood: [[Bob]], being a Southern gentleman, not only disliked homosexuals in the traditional bigoted manner, but suffered from frequent paranoid delusions regarding their role in his life. When Chris ran into trouble at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] Bob blamed the problems not only on the principal (who he was certain was a homosexual), but on the school board which, for reasons left unclear, he believed to be stacked with homosexuals who despised his family. Even incredibly [[naive]] Christian was capable of seeing that this was, at the very least, an exaggeration, if not a paranoid persecution fantasy<ref>Chris, on IRC, circa 21 January 2009.</ref>. Nevertheless this kind of hatred and paranoia sunk into Chris's mind and was compounded by Bob's unfounded and bizarre belief that Chris's trolling originated with several homosexuals who he believed frequented the [[GAMe PLACe]].

Chris's feelings on lesbianism are more nuanced. While he still feels the Biblical injunction against same-sex coupling applies, scissoring is just too hot for him to condemn.

==[[Axe]]==
{{quote|I respectfully and humbly request that on the package a statement li—such as "DESIGNED ONLY FOR STRAIGHT ORIENTED MEN"|[[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|Chris]]}}
Chris's loyalty to this multinational deodorant brand (called Lynx in the UK) is a classic example of Chris taking advertising literally. Early commercials for the deodorant depicted women throwing themselves at men in a manner reminiscent of Chris's desire for women to approach him in public. Rather than seeing this as hyperbole, Chris seems to believe that the product may have this effect in reality. Obviously Axe has never worked as advertised for Chris, but he has maintained his status as a loyal customer for many years.

Axe is also an example of how Chris considers the products he buys an integral component of his identity. As a loyal Axe customer, he was deeply disturbed when he was told that Axe was popular in the gay community, and he felt the need to use [[Youtube]] to [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|request that the Unilever Corporation]] use labels to specifically forbid homosexuals from using their products.

==[[McDonald's]] vs. [[Burger King]]==
{{quote|Tea for a dollar, in a Large Cup, at McDonalds; go Dollar-Menuaires!|[[IRC (24 October 2008)|Chris, plugging his favorite restaurant to the trolls.]]}}
[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|left|[[Chris and cinematography|An example of Chris's brilliant camerawork]]]]
Chris is a lifelong acolyte of McDonald's and thus dislikes its main competitor, Burger King. McDonald's is a major component of Chris's life. He eats a significant percentage of his meals at the popular fast-food restaurant, considers it the perfect location for a first date, and features it as a location in several issues of Sonichu. One of his most cherished and sickening fantasies involves having sex with his sweetheart in the handicapped bathroom of the local McDonald's. Chris has little love for Burger King, although he certainly never mentioned refusing to eat the food when dragged there by his father, who preferred it to McDonald's (Bob and Chris apparently did have some dispute about coupons with the manager of their local Burger King, resulting in Chris's bizarre attempt to get his trolls to troll her by creating an article on the CWCki). Chris has never mentioned having any strong positive or negative feelings toward the Wendy's chain before his brief stint as an employee, and seems not to hold animosity toward the chain as a whole despite being fired from his local store after three days.

Some time in 2012 Chris seems to have turned on McDonald's, urging people to avoid the Forest Lakes location as he believes he has been discriminated against due to his autism and foul mouth. Whether Chris himself has actually stopped going to the nearest location of his favorite restaurant remains to be seen.

==Coke and Pepsi==
Surprisingly, Chris does not appear to have a specific long-term loyalty in this classic example of a nonexistent choice. He has been known to drink both, but claims that Sonichu drinks only [[CWC Cola]], a variant of Pepsi with a [[Semen|special ingredient]]. At one point he supported a boycott of Pepsi due to its alleged "gay-friendliness." He has been known to hoard My Coke Rewards points; in the Ivy Q&A, Ivy describes his becoming miffed at having to use his points to buy a different version of a song he already owned to fulfill Ivy's request for a video. One might think that a few points are a trifling thing when sweet, sweet [[china]] is the potential reward, but then one probably isn't Chris.
==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Kacey Call 1.5

2012-09-19T02:40:15Z

Requiempeace:

In '''Kacey Call 1.5,''' recorded in [[August 2009]] in the midst of the Liquid saga, [[Chris]] attempts to maintain his impersonation of [[Liquid Chris]] in a conversation with [[Kacey]]. This call was released on 9 [[May 2012]] after being misplaced by [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]].

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey-CWC Call 1.5
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|paZaDoXbZMw}}
| Stardate = August 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 1]]
| next = [[Kacey Call 2]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Heyyyyy, it's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace!
 '''Kacey:''' What's up?
 '''Chris:''' How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm great, how bout you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I got your email and, um, I emailed [[Emily]] and, um, so yeah I'm waiting to hear back from her... er, [[Kim]]?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Emily, uh, you meant to say Kim right?
 '''Kacey:''' I meant to say Kim, I know you told me about Emily, sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Ye... yeah, I think I recall that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I'm new to all this, so I'm sorry I'm gonna get them mixed up. I'm surprised I didn't call her [[Megan]], or Kate.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Whatever... Anyway, uh, so what else is going on?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm just calling, you know, because I'm supposed to be coming down tomorrow, um, I hope my car makes it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya so [''inaudible because Kacey interrupts''] my parents are looking forward to meeting you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh awesome, awesome. So do you know anything about cars? Like maybe you could tell me what's wrong with it maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Uhmmm, yeah, I don't know much about cars, but, uh, you can go on the Internet, I heard about this radio show called Cartalk, you could probably find some tips on there.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know Cartalk, it's also the, uh, radio show that did the, uh, TV show on PBS that was called uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Click and Clack's As the Wrench Turns|As The Wrench Turns]]''.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, cool. Um, so anyway I just wanted to call you cause like I'm actually really upset right now.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, what's the matter?
 '''Kacey:''' Did you see that fucking impostor video? He's trying to apologize, like, I wonder if he did that because I told him to, in my judging, but I mean just he just pisses me off. I mean, his fucking voice, the way he looks, his hair, just the way he tries to be you, just... Ugh! His fat fucking face! God! I mean, doesn't- I know he pisses you off I just, I'm sorry, I hate it when people mess with you. 'Cause you know I love you so much!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just checking though... Yeah, I think you told me you love me when you saw my artwork on the Internet, right?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, it was totally, totally, absolutely [[Sonichu]], I mean, and we just gotten so close lately that if anyone, anyone tried to tear us apart from each other I'd probably die from heartbreak.
 '''Chris:''' Awww... I'm sorry- I'm sorry to hear that.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh well, that's just how much I love you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel for you... I can uh... I can elate [''sic''] with that.
 '''Kacey:''' Right... So, but I mean, what do you feel about it? I mean, I know he really pisses you off. I mean... how much do you hate him, because I mean, if I hate him about all these things, you've got to have tons of things to hate about him.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmmm. Yeah, well, I mean you know, uh... I mean, I'm pretty much out of hate, I've got tired of hating, you know, so I just figured I'd just flow with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oof... So I mean, I guess you're giving him a chance? Because of all this... But I mean, you just told me the other day that he has a [[homosexual]] lisp and that he probably takes it up the butt from [[niggos|black guys]].
 '''Chris:''' Uh... That's just... I can tell you right now that's just a whole bunch of lies that someone put on the, uh, [[ED]] page against me.
 '''Kacey:''' What? There's no ED page against you, that's the impostor! What are you talking about? Oh, you must, you must be tired from, you know, finals and everything coming up, but I mean... This... God, it's like I don't know, you were just saying this stuff the other day and... I mean, come on, this guy, he tried to disqualify you over something stupid. He didn't even look at your video. I know he didn't look at your video! I mean, but he can put stupid things like Parappa Rap in his thing and not be disqualified? Fuck that shit! Oh, sorry for me cursing.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, come on, Chris, don't you have any opinion?
 [''inaudible - speaking over each other'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's like, you know... Yeah... I kind of grew up emotionally a bit more the past few days.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh okay. So you're trying to take the, uh, "I'm the bigger guy route".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I am pretty much the, uh... I'm pretty much the, uh, big man, and I realize that as such, and like you know, with my own trolls I pretty much would thank them for the, uh, publici- publicity they've given me as well.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, like no publicity is bad publicity but I mean, uh-
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean they have, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I'm just bit confused because: Why did you realize all this? I mean, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, a lot of things happened, uh. You did get the message I sent you, right?
 '''Kacey:''' The really long email? Yeah, I mean, it was really, really heartfelt. I mean, I'm glad that you trust me that much.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. You know me, yeah, I am definitely, truly a heartfelt kind of person.
 '''Kacey:''' That's good, that's good. Um, but seriously, I really want to talk about this impostor. He's really pissing me off, Chris, I mean, come on, support me. I mean, I think... He subscribes to me. I think he is trying to go through me for you. I mean, could you believe that?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Uh, I don't know I, uh... Yeah, that just sounds- that just sounds like a bunch of fooling me, eh uh... I've taken a closer look at, uh, what he's done, and everything in the past. Hmm... But yeah, um, he's pretty much growing up as well and I have to be respecting that...
 '''Kacey:''' CHRIS HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? DID YOU SEE HIM? DID YOU SEE HIM? He is trying to trick you! He is, I mean, just look at his room! He is trying to go through me to you! And that hurts me and that makes me angry! 'Cause I mean... How... Who is he to fucking try and get in between us? I mean, I love you. YOU are the fucking creator of [[Sonichu]]. YOU are the fucking man. YOU are awesome! I mean, and every time you sing a song for me, dedicate something to me, I know that it's from YOU. How the fuck can he try to do that?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. I don't know, a lot of people are smart. *sigh*
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think he is. [''Chris tries to say something''] I think he's pretty stupid. I mean, look at all his toys. I mean, how old is he?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm... I'd say he looks about twenty-seven himself.
 '''Kacey:''' Heh... But I mean, just like, come on, I mean, he probably plays videogames all day on his fucking TV. I mean, he looks way older than twenty-seven, but you know that could just be the [[PSEye]] toy... Crappy shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I do. I will admit the camera adds about a few pounds.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, totally. Hmph.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, my mind's blankin' out on me. I've had a bit of a long day myself, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, can I call you later? I promise I'll calm down, just I really want to talk to you, let you know, maybe, we can talk more like last night or something, um, just he really pisses me off, because I mean, I don't even think he's financially stable and he has these things like the huge TV and the toys and everything, and it's like, “Where are you getting THOSE from?”... [''Chris is making sounds, possibly trying to speak''] Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, hon.
 '''Chris:''' It's okay, I'm here for you. I'll listen to your rants.
 '''Kacey:''' And I totally appreciate that.
 '''Chris:''' I'll listen to your rants with an open mind.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, good, because I have so much, because he really, really, really pisses me off. I mean, just, and then this whole singing challenge, like he has a fucking choice. I mean, I want you to do this with me. You gotta do it for me. I need to feel supported by you and, I mean, you were doing it last night, so what's the difference now? You gotta win! This guy is coming after YOU for no reason, just because he wants your e-fame or whatever he thinks.
 '''Chris:''' Hmmmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you've gotta be out for blood, Chris, because he is. I mean, and you know I don't always condone it, but, I think he's trying things that he shouldn't, and I mean, don't you wanna protect me if he is trying to get to me through you? You don't love me that much?
 '''Chris:''' I do- I do care about you very much and I am.
 '''Kacey:''' OH NO, CHRIS. DO YOU LOVE ME THAT MUCH?
 '''Chris:''' I love you that much.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you've gotta do something!
 '''Chris:''' I am going to do something. I will protect you. I'm going to protect you from all the lies and deceit that there are...
 '''Kacey:''' FINE! Then tell me something you hate about him right now. Do something right now! 'Cause you need to show him now. Knock him off a few pegs.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I'll, uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Make a video! Do something!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll make a video, I'll, uh... I'll give him a little bit of a hate moment... Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Good! I want you to give him a huge hate moment! Fucking pig, he doesn't even look like he takes a shower!
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' So yeah, gather your thoughts and make me a video, and that will just make all the anger go away... That will be so awesome, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' I hear ya, and I'll listen to ya always.
 '''Kacey:''' I'm so sorry you had to see such a ugly side of me, but I mean, when it comes to you I would protect you from everything, and I know you would do the same for me.
 '''Chris:''' It's all right, I understand. But anyway, yeah, uh, definitely, uh, talk to Kim, uh, learn more about, uh, you know, everything about him, his history [''inaudible because Kacey interrupts''] Okay!
 Chris- All the details.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I'll definitely talk to her and, um, I'll call you later tonight, if that's okay. *giggle*
 '''Chris:''' Of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome! *giggle* Okay, well, I'm going to go let you seek and gather your thoughts and make me that awesome video! Give me it [''Chris trying to say something''] Cause I want to see it soon! I'm so excited!
 '''Chris:''' All right, Kacey-heart. I will.
 '''Kacey:''' All right, I love you so much! Bye!
 '''Chris:''' I love you, too. Bye bye.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 1]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 2]]}}

==External links==
[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBUnItVUNZb0dzLWs mp3 of phonecall]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Takashi Tezuka

2012-09-19T01:07:42Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:Takashi-tezuka.jpg|thumb|Takashi Tezuka]]

'''Takashi Tezuka''' (手塚卓志; born [[Pre-1980|17 November 1960]]) is one of the most famous [[video game]] directors in the world, having directed ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros. 3|Super Mario Bros. 3]]'', ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario 64|Super Mario 64]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past|The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past]]''. Takashi's also happens to be the persona the [[troll]] who began the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Alpha Project used. Taken over by the troll impersonating [[Shigeru Miyamoto]].

==Message from Chris on Takashi's e-mail==

{{quotebox|My only current thought is about my recent learning of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] in [[Animal Crossing]] City Folk. It Is Legit, and I have officially approved it. I will copy and paste the e-mail I have received, confirming this.

{{quoteboxred|
From: Takashi Tezuka <animalcrossingnintendo@usa.com>
 To: chrischansonichu@aol.com
 Subject: We at Nintendo are testing the popularity of Sonichu and would like your feedback.
 Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2009 11:42 am

 Hello, I am Takashi Tezuka, the general producer of [[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk. While working at [[Nintendo]], I have heard about your original character, [[Sonichu]], from many of my co-workers who read emails sent from [[Fanbase|your fans]] who were asking for a [[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu game]]. I eventually received a message from [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] that we at [[Nintendo]] should take the first step into creating a Sonichu game. That is why I am programming in two new characters into Animal Crossing: City Folk: Sonichu and [[Rosechu]]. Once they are released, we will find out how popular Sonichu and Rosechu are with the Nintendo community. If a large number of players enjoy Sonichu and Rosechu, we will create a Sonichu game with the help of [[Sega]]. We have already contacted them about our plan, and are anxious to see the results of our little test. We are almost finished with the Sonichu villager, and are almost ready to start on Rosechu. I have attached a few photos of our prototype Sonichu neighbor, and we would like your feeback on it. Currently it is only in its beta phase, and we should be able to release it on February twenty-fourth.

We did run into a slight problem due to a little b it of error, though. In our testing town, WiiConnect24 was left on, and our latest Sonichu beta villager moved out of our town. Luckily, we were able to create a backup of the electric hedgehog villager, so nothing was lost! The only problem is that a handful of players may have recieved a Sonichu villager early.

I hope to get your input from our current project, so please email me back with your feelings on our Sonichu/Rosechu project at this address: animalcrossingnintendo@usa.com
 Kindest regards,
 Takashi Tezuka,
 General producer of Animal Crossing and leader of the Sonichu-Alpha project.}}

I gave Takashi my approval and tips for the design of the final version of the characters. The images I have received in the e-mail can be seen below. The first one is from a Fan who accidently received through the WiiConnect24.

And with this, I declare another step forward in the Sonichu Game project, and the downfall of that Impostor, [[Jimmy Hill]]. I have also informed them of Sarah Mitchel's message of Sega of Japan leaning to pay the impostor, but Takashi will most certainly step in and avert the mistake from being made. Then hopefully, with their help, I'll be able to claim the copyrights in the UK that should have been mine in the first place. I already had them from the [[Virginia]] Library of Congress.

Anyway, when I have new thoughts, I will be sure to add them to this topic.

Love and Peace to y'all. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian C.}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Tezuka, Takashi}}

<gallery>
Image:3161674f78583fda5139ec49bbaa6b524b64aa06.jpg
Image:SonichuAC.jpg
</gallery>

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Miyamoto Saga]]

Takashi Tezuka

2012-09-19T01:07:17Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:Takashi-tezuka.jpg|thumb|Takashi Tezuka]]

'''Takashi Tezuka''' (手塚卓志; born [[Pre-1980|17 November 1960]]) is one of the most famous [[video game]] directors in the world, having directed ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros. 3|Super Mario Bros. 3]]'', ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario 64|Super Mario 64]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past|The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past]]''. Takashi's also happens to be the persona the [[troll]] who began the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Alpha Project used. Taken over by the troll impersonating [[Shigeru Miyamoto]].

==Message from Chris on Takashi's e-mail==

{{quotebox|My only current thought is about my recent learning of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] in [[Animal Crossing]] City Folk. It Is Legit, and I have officially approved it. I will copy and paste the e-mail I have received, confirming this.

{{quoteboxred|
From: Takashi Tezuka <animalcrossingnintendo@usa.com>
 To: chrischansonichu@aol.com
 Subject: We at Nintendo are testing the popularity of Sonichu and would like your feedback.
 Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2009 11:42 am

 Hello, I am Takashi Tezuka, the general producer of [[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk. While working at [[Nintendo]], I have heard about your original character, [[Sonichu]], from many of my co-workers who read emails sent from [[Fanbase|your fans]] who were asking for a [[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu game]]. I eventually received a message from [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] that we at [[Nintendo]] should take the first step into creating a Sonichu game. That is why I am programming in two new characters into Animal Crossing: City Folk: Sonichu and [[Rosechu]]. Once they are released, we will find out how popular Sonichu and Rosechu are with the Nintendo community. If a large number of players enjoy Sonichu and Rosechu, we will create a Sonichu game with the help of [[Sega]]. We have already contacted them about our plan, and are anxious to see the results of our little test. We are almost finished with the Sonichu villager, and are almost ready to start on Rosechu. I have attached a few photos of our prototype Sonichu neighbor, and we would like your feeback on it. Currently it is only in its beta phase, and we should be able to release it on February twenty-fourth.

We did run into a slight problem due to a little b it of error, though. In our testing town, WiiConnect24 was left on, and our latest Sonichu beta villager moved out of our town. Luckily, we were able to create a backup of the electric hedgehog villager, so nothing was lost! The only problem is that a handful of players may have recieved a Sonichu villager early.

I hope to get your input from our current project, so please email me back with your feelings on our Sonichu/Rosechu project at this address: animalcrossingnintendo@usa.com
 Kindest regards,
 Takashi Tezuka,
 General producer of Animal Crossing and leader of the Sonichu-Alpha project.}}

I gave Takashi my approval and tips for the design of the final version of the characters. The images I have received in the e-mail can be seen below. The first one is from a Fan who accidently received through the WiiConnect24.

And with this, I declare another step forward in the Sonichu Game project, and the downfall of that Impostor, [[Jimmy Hill]]. I have also informed them of Sarah Mitchel's message of Sega of Japan leaning to pay the impostor, but Takashi will most certainly step in and avert the mistake from being made. Then hopefully, with their help, I'll be able to claim the copyrights in the UK that should have been mine in the first place. I already had them from the [[Virginia]] Library of Congress.

Anyway, when I have new thoughts, I will be sure to add them to this topic.

Love and Peace to y'all. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian C.}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Tezuka, Takashi}}

<gallery>
Image:3161674f78583fda5139ec49bbaa6b524b64aa06.jpg
Image:SonichuAC.jpg
</gallyer>

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Miyamoto Saga]]

Talk:Kacey Call 1.5

2012-05-10T03:57:00Z

Requiempeace: /headslamondesk

==Correcting capitalization and grammar==
Okay, I've tried like five times to submit it. First it kept logging me out and I had to log back in multiple times. Now it accidentally saved the wrong version of the writing. I'm going to go jump off a cliff. I'll redo this tomorrow, but if anyone else wants to take care of it, go ahead. -[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 20:56, 9 May 2012 (PDT)

Kacey Call 1.5

2012-05-10T03:23:43Z

Requiempeace: Starting to capitalize and fix grammar. Posting partially done so no one else tries to do it at the same time. :P

In '''Kacey Call 1.5,''' recorded in [[August 2009]] in the midst of the Liquid saga, [[Chris]] attempts to maintain his impersonation of [[Liquid Chris]] in a conversation with [[Kacey]].

This call was released in [[May 2012]] after being "misplaced" by [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]].

==Transcript==
 Chris: Hello?
 Kacey: Heyyyyy, it's Kacey!
 Chris: Hey, Kace!
 Kacey: What's up?
 Chris: How are you?
 Kacey: I'm great, how bout you?
 Chris: I'm okay.
 Kacey: Okay, I got your email and, um, I emailed Emily and, um, so yeah I'm waiting to hear back from her... er, Kim?
 Chris: Uh... Emily, you meant to say Kim right?
 Kacey: I meant to say Kim, I know you told me about Emily, sorry.
 Chris: Ye... yeah, I think I recall this,
 Kacey: I mean, I'm new to all this, so I'm sorry I'm gonna get them mixed up. I'm surprised I didn't call her Megan, or Kate.
 Chris: Hmm... Whatever... Anyway, uh, so what else is going on?
 Kacey: I'm just calling because I'm supposed to be coming down tomorrow, um, I hope my car makes it.
 Chris: yea I hear ya so (unintelligible because INTERRUPTING KACEY) my parents are looking forward to meeting you
 Kacey: oh awesome, awesome, so do you know anything about cars? Like maybe you could tell me what's wrong with it maybe?
 Chris: uhmmm yea I don't know much about cars, but you can go on the internet, I heard about this radio show called cartalk you could probably find some tips on there
 Kacey: oh that's awesome thank you
 Chris: yea you know cartalk, it's also the uh radio show that did the uh TV show on PBS that was called uh as the wrench turns
 Kacey: oh, cool. Um so anyway I'm just wanted to call you cause like I'm actually really upset right now
 Chris: oh, what's the matter?
 Kacey: did you see that fucking imposter video? He's trying to apologize like I wonder if he did that because I told him to in my judging but I mean just he just pisses me off I mean his fucking voice, the way he looks, his hair, just the way he tries to be you just... ugh his fat fucking face! God! I mean doesn't I know he pisses you off I just...I hate it when people mess with you 'cause you know I love you so much
 Chris: yea I'm just checking though... yea I think you told me you love me when you saw my artwork on the internet, right?
 Kacey: it was totally, totally absolutely sonichu, I mean, and we just gotten so close lately that if anyone tried to tear us apart from each other I'd probably die from heartbreak.
 Chris: awww... I'm sorry to hear that
 Kacey: oh well that's just how much I love you
 Chris: I feel for you... I can uh... I can elate with that
 Kacey: right... so but I mean what do you feel about it? I mean I know he really pisses you off. I mean..
how much do you hate him, because I mean if I hate him after all these things, you've got to have tons to hate about him
 Chris: hmmmm yea well I mean you know uh... I mean I'm pretty much out of hate, I've got tired of hating, you know so I just figured I'd just flow with it.
 Kacey: oof... so I I mean guess you're giving him a chance? Because of all this but I mean you just told me the other day that he has a homosexual lisp that he probably takes it up the butt from black guys
 Chris: uh... that's just... I can tell you right now that's just a whole bunch of lies that someone put on the ED page against me
 Kacey: what? There's no ED page against you, that's the imposter! What are you talking about? Oh you must you must be tired from finals and everything coming up but I mean... this... god it's like I don't know you were just saying this stuff the other day and...come on this guy, he tried to disqualify you from something stupid he didn't even look at your video, I know he didn't look at your video, I mean but he can put stupid things like parappa rap in his thing and not be disqualified? fuck that shit! oh, sorry for me cursing
 Chris: hmm... yea
 Kacey: I mean come on chris don't you have any opinion?
 (KACEY AND CHRIS INTERRUPTING ONE ANOTHER)
 Chris: Yea but it's like you know... yea.. I kind of grew up emotionally a bit more the past few days
 Kacey: oh okay so you're trying to take the I'm the bigger guy route
 Chris: yea... I am pretty much the uh... I'm pretty much the big man, and I realize that as such, and like you know with my own trolls I pretty much would thank them for the uh publicist publicity they've given me as well
 Kacey: oh like no publicity is bad publicity but I mean uh
 Chris: well I mean they have uh
 Kacey: well I'm just bit confused because why did you realize all this, I mean what happened?
 Chris: yea a lot of things happened, you did get the message I sent you, right?
 Kacey: The really long email? Yea I mean it was really, really heartfelt, I mean I'm glad that you trust me that much.
 Chris: You know me, I am definitely truly a heartfelt kind of person
 Kacey: that's good that's good, um but seriously I really want to talk about this imposter he's really pissing me off, chris, I mean, come on, support me. I mean, I think... he subscribes to me... I think he is trying to go through me for you. I mean, could you believe that?
 Chris: Uh I don't know I uh... yea that just sounds that just sounds like a bunch of fooling me eh uh... I've taken a closer look at what he's done, and everything in the past.. hmm... but yea um he's pretty much growing up as well and I have to be respecting that...
 Kacey: CHRIS HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT DID YOU SEE HIM? DID YOU SEE HIM? He is trying to trick you! He is I mean just look at his room! He is trying to go through me to you! And that hurts me and that makes me angry! Cause I mean... how... who is he to fucking try and get in between us? I mean I love you. YOU are the fucking creator of sonichu. YOU are the fucking man. YOU are awesome! I mean and every time you sing a song for me dedicate something to me I know that it's from you. How the fuck can he try to do that?
 Chris: Hmm.... I don't know, a lot of people are smart *sigh*
 Kacey: I don't think he is. (chris is trying to say something) I think he's pretty stupid. I mean look at all his toys. I mean How old is he?
 Chris: Hmmm... I'd say he looks about 27 himself
 Kacey: heh... but I mean just like come on he probably plays videogames all day on his fucking TV, I mean he looks way older than 27 but you know that could just be the psi toy... crappy shit
 Chris: well... I do... I will admit the camera adds about a few pounds
 Kacey: oh yea, totally hmph
 Chris: oh yea my mind's blankin' out of me, I've had a bit of a long day myself you know...
 Kacey: well, can I call you later? I promise I'll calm down, just I really want to talk to you let you know maybe we can talk more like last night or something um just he really pisses me off because I mean I don't think he's financially stable and he has these things like the huge TV and the toys and everything and it's like “where are you getting those from?”... (chris is making sounds, possibly trying to speak) oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry hon.
 Chris: it's okay, I'm here for you, I'll listen to your rants
 Kacey: and I totally appreciate that
 Chris: I'll listen to your rants with an open mind
 Kacey: well then good because I have so much because he really, really, really pisses me off imean just and this whole singing challenge like he has a fucking choice I mean I want you to do this with me you gotta do it for me I need to feel supported by you and I mean you were doing it last night so what's the difference now? You gotta win! this guy is coming after you for no reason just because he wants your efame or whatever he thinks.
 Chris: Hmmmm...
 Kacey: I mean, you've gotta be out for blood chris because he is. I mean and you know I don't always condone it but I think he's trying things that he shouldn't and I mean don't you wanna protect me if he is trying to get to me through you? You don't love me that much?
 Chris: I do- I do care about you very much and I am.
 Kacey: OH NO CHRIS DO YOU LOVE ME THAT MUCH?
 Chris: I love you that much
 Kacey: well then you've gotta do something!
 Chris: I am going to do something. I will protect you. I'm going to protect you from all the lies and deceit that there...
 Kacey: FINE! Then tell me something you hate about him right now. Do something right now! Cause you need to show him now. Knock him off a few pegs
 Chris: oh yea I'll uh
 Kacey: Make a video! Do something!
 Chris: Yea I'll make a video I'll uh... I'll give him a little bit of a hate moment... yea.
 Kacey: Good! I want you to give him a huge hate moment! Fucking pig he doesn't even look like he takes a shower!
 Chris: Hmm
 Kacey: so yea gather your thoughts and make me a video and that will just make all the anger go away... that will be so awesome, thank you.
 Chris: I hear ya, and I'll listen to ya always
 Kacey: I'm so sorry you had to see such a ugly side of me, but I mean when it comes to you I would protect you from everything, and I know you would do the same for me
 Chris: it's all right, I understand. But anyway yea uh definitely uh talk to Kim, learn more about uh you know everything about him, his history
 INTERRUPTING KACEY!- okay!
 Chris- all the details
 Kacey: no, I'll definitely talk to her and um I'll call you later tonight if that's okay *giggle*
 Chris: of course.
 Kacey: Awesome! Okay well I'm going to go let you seek and gather your thoughts and make me that awesome video! Give me it (? Chris is also trying to say something...) Cause I want to see it soon! I'm so excited!
 Chris: all right Kacey heart. I will.
 Kacey: all right I love you so much! bye!
 Chris: I love you too. Bye bye.

==External link==
[https://rapidshare.com/#!download|606p6|983673136|kacey280309.mp3|10539|R~0218B77569CB5D113E8305404B2BAD68|0|0 mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Chris and health

2012-01-15T06:00:58Z

Requiempeace: /* Nutrition */

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home or fast food.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odour problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. However, in the twenty-something years he has been wearing the glasses, they have done nothing to correct his eyesight. The extent of his eyesight problems are anybody's guess. Nobody will know, as Chris prefers to use his [[monthly tugboat]] on vidya games rather than on [[Chris and reality|getting his eyes checked]] or perhaps [[Chris and Fashion|wearing the appropriate-sized glasses for his prescription]]. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. It is possible that Chris's glasses are only for reading, as Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/David_Alan_Chandler#David_Chandler|Dr. David Alan Chandler], happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:License.jpg|driver's license] has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive (it could also have something to do with the fact that Chris is [[Autism|disabled]], however, his disability seemingly does not affect his driving abilities). Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

In his [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Manicure/Pedicure stories?|Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] posts, Chris has admitted to being a [[tobacky|chronic]] nail biter, taking his habit to such an extreme that he required nail replacement surgery at one point, requiring a prosthesis.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

List of Chris's lies

2011-07-13T06:46:36Z

Requiempeace:

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence. The end result is a compulsive liar who is about as sly as a two-year-old who has been caught with both hands in the proverbial cookie jar screaming his head off about how he wasn't trying to steal anything whilst bits of cookie fly out of his mouth.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAAc9zAVQw backfired horribly], Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his penis is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* In the Autism Tutorials, Chris claims he "fit in perfectly" with his high school classmates. The reality is he was socially awkward and generally disliked.{{quote|I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about.|Matthew Devoria - [[Father Call]]}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

Prank calls

2011-06-09T00:45:15Z

Requiempeace: /* Part 2 */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-*cut off by Chris*
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you *Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'* Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-*static pause*
 '''Chris:''' *cutting in* Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-*cuts out*
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' *cuts off Chris* They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' *cuts in* Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' *cuts in* Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' *cuts in* He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? *Mimics Kermit the Frog* Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, *Mimics Kermit the Frog* *Inaudible mumbling in the voice* and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, *inaudible name* in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. *Mimics Bill Cosby* Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. *Coughs*. God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' *Mimicking Bill Cosby* Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think *inaudible* and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. *Mimics Cleveland* Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. *Attempts Cleveland's laugh*
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like *mimics laugh*.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' *Mimicking Snake* Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? *cough*
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 *End of audio*
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' *mumbling* oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like (inaudible)
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in.) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you - one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this - here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother - don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she - Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just - and it'll be - I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well - How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist trying to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.

 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard.)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. [''unintelligible'']
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. [''unintelligible'']
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Jerkop (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I dont not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're - they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could - you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're - if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got - I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing - you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|GkLsxL3ShI0}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Jackie E-mails 14

2011-05-25T00:39:41Z

Requiempeace: added a joke about the DBZ name, if it doesn't fit then revert

This page covers emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 9-16 [[September 2010]].

Chris talks about how he's been getting drunk, hitting on other women. Seriously. And, par for course with his [[noviophobia]], he hates what he hates because he gets jealous about what other people earned through effort: earning and effort not being in his capacity. Chris has drawn shitty porn; Jackie apparently being peed on by 4 guys (Chris has breasts, a niggo appears to be punching Jackie in the cunt), Chris's self-serving fantasy, with pickles either already having left, off panel, or badly hidden, and Niggo Cherokee Circle Jerk. Chris re-gifted a LBP present, which was first for Julie, then for Kacey, now Jackie. Jackie begins Chris on his path of ever-more blatant racism, shitty cosplay, and youtube videos, calls him a cripple.

{{EmailReply|September 9, 2010 - 6:08pm

I REALLY want to be with you, Jackie. So MUCH, that I would dedicated 3/4 of my next [[tugboat]] to you if I can't get the new $130 before then. And I REALLY would come all the way to [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin]] to meet/visit you Myself.

So far I was able to only get $19 from pawning off my Game Boy Color and 6 [[Pokémon|Pok'emon]] Game Boy Original/Color Games and selling my Game Boy Pocket for 5 to a new computer geek acquaintance of mine. The pawn shop would not accept my Saturn or Game Gear, because they were "Too Old." But after seeing a huge banner in front of a [[Wikipedia:7-Eleven|7-11]] of a PC Pro Computer store behind the 7-11, I went in and made a new acquaintance with a fellow Game Freak dude; he's going to help me by finding some people to buy the Genesis/32X/Sega CD, Saturn and Game Gear from me for my asking prices through his connections. He has his own page on [[Facebook|FaceBook]]. This is good, because at this point, the [[Troll]]s won't know about this and pester me like they would have done. This information is Confidential.

About the [[XBox]] thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, [[XBox is OK.MOV|I withdraw my past angst against the console]]. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.

I am LESS addicted to my PS3, I assure you. And I will prove it by spending a lot less to none more on the Network in the future and now. And Spending more on You And Me in our Relationship. And you have to give me credit for unloading the Older Consoles and their games I've been hoarding for years for cash, including the current transactions I'm looking for with the remaining 3 Older Consoles.

And you are right on me having no right to complain of other video game addicts, but I said those things to prove a point that people like them (including myself), AND the Trolls can better themselves by socializing Off of the internet and going out more often. I have been going out more on the daily basis, at least during the afternoon hours on average leaving between 2 and 4 PM and an average of over 3 Hours per day. If I knew where to go, I would definitely go out at night and have more fun, but aside from the new [[Wal-Mart]] to walk for a while, I do not have knowledge of such locations or how to act within their likely dim-lit areas. And, yeah, I do not really expect people to "drop what they're doing and converse with me" when I am unable to do it as easily as they are able to, but it is nice to be acknowledged and NOT to feel Invisible In Public. Seriously, even when I'm [[The GAMe PLACe|Shouting]] (while Drunk or near sober), NOBODY gives me attention; [[Attraction sign|I am ignored]]. And when I try to [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|start something with a pleasant greeting]], I am STILL IGNORED. And I am RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE; AREN'T I HANDSOME ENOUGH TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION, LADIES? W.T.F. DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET EVEN A "HELLO" FROM ANYBODY THESE DAYS?!!!"

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

It makes me feel like a social outcast, and I do not want to be a social outcast.

Anyway, I am sorry for stopping communications with you for a short while; I needed some time for myself to collect my thoughts and come up with a reasonable solution to the disagreement. I felt like [[Kick the Autistic|kicking myself]] over and over for saying the breaking up things I said in error. I did not mean it. And I am happy to still be talking to you, and I REALLY want to be with you. I am re-raising the money as quickly as possible. And if I can't come up with it by the end of the month, I will dedicate 3/4 of my remaining money from next month to US. :)

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe, Sweet and [[A Week With Christian Chandler|don't work yourself too hard in classes]] and journalism. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|1=September 9, 2010 - 7:46pm

Hey Chris.

Actually, since you brought up the prices of consoles, the original Xbox was $299 at launch, the same as the Playstation 2 at its launch. Didn't you have a PS2 anyway, though? More recently, the PS3 cost $499 for the 20gb model and $599 for the 60gb model at its launch - significantly more than the Xbox 360, which cost $299 for the basic model and $399 for the premium model when they were launched. You can read about it here: http://vgsales.wikia.com/wiki/Launch_price
Plus, Microsoft has LONG since fixed the red ring of death problem, and at the time that the 360 and the PS3 debuted, no one knew that blu rays would win the format war over hd-dvds. So it wasn't really fair to claim they "picked the lost format". I'm glad that you are beyond it though.

As for attracting attention, have you looked at the troll forum lately? I found this article here: http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
It doesn't say anything that you weren't aware of before, but it brings up a good point yet again: You have a terrible reputation because of your [[internet]] opposition. You know why people don't come up to you? Because most people who see you believe terrible things about you.

Anyway, here's what I want you to do to prove yourself to me: I want you to make a video. I want you to make a video [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|professing your love to me.]] Give me the works, Chris. Proclaim your true feelings for me. Tell me exactly why you want me and want to be with me. I want you to sweep me off my feet with some romantic [[music]] in the background - play my favorite band for me. You know which one. ;) I know you know what I'm talking about. And make a few new drawings of us together and show them in the video. The theme of the video? Our first date. Tell me where we will go, what we will do. Only one catch - There's no limit on money. It's our fantasy date where we can spend as much as we want, how we want. Do it as you think it will look. Make it really special.

And I don't want this to be a private video, either. I want you to put this on your youtube so everyone can see. I don't care if trolls know my name or try to look me up now, so don't worry about that. You've been very good about keeping me hidden from them, but I don't care about that anymore. Let the trolls try to bug me. I want you to make this video public because it's time for you to proclaim your love for me to all. Everyone should know who the one woman in your life is. I want this video by 8:00pm on Monday, September 13th. I'm looking forward to seeing it, sweetie!!

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 1:08pm

Yes, Sweetheart, I will draw some more of you and me together, and I will put together a video proclaiming my love for you and even a fantasy date. :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Heartthrobbings*

As for the other topics of your last e-mail, I was already aware of my online reputation haunting me in real life with the Rumors spread by the Trolls, so yeah. And I did not have my PS2 from Launch either; I did not even have a PSOne long until I found one at an older SPCA Rummage Sale for about 10 or 20, and it was at a time GameStop was still taking them in for Trade-Ins. I was going to trade it in for profit, but I decided to hold onto it and play it, and my earlier feelings towards [[Sony]] did a major 180 (YES, I was [[Nintendo]]/[[SEGA]] Exclusive and had hate for SONY equal to Microsoft on the Consoles). And later on, I got my PS2 for $20 from a Yard Sale; THEN I traded in my PSOne, and shortly after getting the PS2, I got [[Guitar Hero]] and started Rocking. And I did not get my PS3 at Launch; I got it MONTHS later on March 17, 2007, and I got the 60GB version for less than 599 at Wal-Mart (I think I got for 399; I'll have to look up the receipt).

But now, I have no anger against XBox, and the gay dudes. Samantha was very realistic in that discussion. She pointed out my [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|quoting the Bible as an excuse]] was wrong, and between the hatings I've had, the quotes, and other details that escape at the moment, I realized I've been further shooting myself in the foot without knowing it. It made me feel really sad and I cried some. But I am changing that; I'm going to Stop hating and start being more brimming with a more positive energy. After all, the Bible is essentially a Guideline to life, and [[God]] wants all of us to live in peace and good nature, regardless of whatever we may do, and what we're all doing that is considered against the Bible anyway.

Anyway, I will do the drawings of us together, play the [[Wikipedia:Crash Test Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]] in the background, and make a video professing my love to you and letting it go public. I'm also planning on making [[XBox is OK.MOV|a separate video]] for apologizing for my past hatred on the XBox, and apologizing to the gays as well. I will also remove ALL of the curses I had placed on people, including the Trolls.

We're moving forward together, Jacklyn. I Love You, Sweetheart.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 3:56pm

Yay!! I can't wait to see [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]]! Oh, I have a few more things about what I want to see, so take some notes:

-I really want you to enjoy the Crash Test Dummies as much as I do. Revel in them like I do. You know what would be great? If you sang along to the song (My favorite song is "[[Wikipedia:Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm|Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm]]"), but feel free to take artistic liberties with the lyrics and make up your own to fit us better. I know your vast imagination can really make the song come to life. 
-I want you to include the pictures of us together, new drawn pictures, on the date. Here's an idea for a plot: We start at starbucks, then go to see [[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|''Toy Story 3'']] at the movie theater, maybe get a little frisky in the back row ;) Then, I want you to rescue me from something. Like, something bad happens, like a villain rips through the movie screen and attacks, and you save me from him. 
-I want to see you dance in the video. The real you. Proclaim your love for me, enthusiastically. Get up and grove, jump, do a cartwheel. Do I make you jump? Do I make you twirl? Does my love make you scream? Yours does to me :) So return the favor. Let us be one. 
-Take us to the edge and back. Show me the future, the distance. I want us to face the end of the world and still hold onto one another. Let's face it all together, the trolls, the world, the future, God.

I can't wait to see the video Chris!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 10, 2010 - 6:34pm

I like your plot idea. Although, if I may offer my input, I offered to take you to see "[[Wikipedia:Scott Pilgrim vs. the World|Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World]]", considering that movie is more romantic in its own way, may I portray us watching that instead of Toy Story?}}

{{Email|September 10, 2010 - 7:03pm

I'm glad you like my plot! Although I don't really care for that Scott Pilgrim movie, it's one of those movies where even though I haven't seen it, I know exactly what the plot is because I've heard WAY too much about it from every person I pass by, because they can't stop talking about the damn thing and I'm tired of it before I even look at it. It looks like token hipster bullshit to me.

Besides, I don't want to see someone else's romance story. I want to see YOUR love story. ;)

Jackie}}

{{Email|September 12, 2010 - 11:13am

Hey Chris, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a little while. You must be working hard on that video. Well, I just wanted to check in.

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 12, 2010 - 2:43pm

I am working hard on the drawings and display photos for the video to present while Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm is playing. Plus, do not guess, but I will have a pleasant surprise for you later tonight in another e-mail.

Also, it is cool; I'll just draw [[Wikipedia:Sheriff Woody|Woody]] and [[Wikipedia:Jessie (Toy Story)|Jessie]] making out or something for the movie screen. Perhaps after some time has passed, you and I can check out Scott Pilgrim at home together, and the current feelings will pass. I still have not seen it myself yet, but it is one I would at least rent the video for after it comes out. Speaking of movies, have you seen "[[Wikipedia:Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief|Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief]]?" It is a Great movie; I watched it with [[The Wallflower|<CENSORED>]] in the theater before we [[Wallflower E-mails 3|broke up]]. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying or renting.

Stay Safe and Sweet. I'll TTYL, 
Christian. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<
3<3<3<3<3<3<3}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 6:04pm

You and I have just reached the climax in our own intercourse, while these three dudes were [[Masturbating and squirtin'|jerkin' and watchin']]. And at climax, they came in to cum onto your breasts, and you wanted Me all over your face and in your mouth. Messy, little woman. ;)

I get off watching you enjoy yourself with my help, Jacklyn. I Love You.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 13, 2010 - 4:17pm

I'm uploading [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|the video]] of my devotion for you right now. I feel I could have done better, but I was excited and elated for doing this for you. I've attached the 3 drawings I drew for you and the video for you.

I LOVE YOU, JACKLYN!!!!!!! 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

:)

Anyway, the video will be on my YT channel,
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler?feature=mhum, shortly.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Lover. :-* 
Christian.}}

{{collapsible
|The three drawings, NSFW
|<center>
<gallery>
File:UngaWungaTime.jpg
File:WetFunCircleTime.jpg
File:CirclingOnJackie.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 4:32pm

Let me give you the other photos featured in the video as well.}}

{{EmailReply|September 13, 2010 - 5:51pm

In the set of photos I sent you, I left in absent-mindedly the left-out Photo of how I would feel if you left me, which was set at the End of the slideshow. Please disregard that one photo.}}

{{Email|September 13, 2010 - 6:53pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you so much for making that video for me!! It was so sweet, I saw the bouncy energy you put into it. The way you just shouted at the top of your lungs your feelings for me, I can tell you weren't holding back. I look forward to actually getting to experience all these things for real on our first date.

But it wasn't all perfect. I'm kind of sad, Chris, because you missed some key parts here. I specifically asked you before not to use video games when trying to show your affections for me. Remember? I mean, I don't get why you couldn't show the whole date with drawings. That's why I gave you like four days to do it. And you didn't even take the time to make a new little big planet level just for me either, you just recycled one you already used for that other girl [[Kacey]]. Which even then you had taken from ANOTHER girl, [[Julie]]. I found it here: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler|<nowiki>http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Rescuing_Kacey_From_Christian_W_Chandler</nowiki>]]

So, some good, some bad, but all in all I think I'd like you to redo the video for me. Actually, scratch that, you shouldn't redo this one. I think I have a better idea for something new I'd like to see. You know how Halloween is coming up? Well, it's still a few weeks away, but it's my absolute FAVORITE holiday of the year. So you know what I'd love to see? I want you to dress up as a character for me on camera, and then write some of your own lyrics to "Mmm mmm mmm mmm" and sing it for me. Do you know the anime [[Dragonball Z]]? I used to love that show when I was a little kid. I mean, I know it's like a boy's show, but whatever, I thought it was really cool. So you know what I would absolutely LOVE to see? I want to see [[Song for Jackie.MOV|you dressed as my favorite character, Mr. Popo]]!! He was always so cute and cuddly, you remind me so much of him! :) Do you know how to do facepainting? I found a tutorial website that can show you here: http://www.diylife.com/2008/04/02/how-to-face-paint/
Although it's not hard, you'd just be painting your face a single color, no weird designs or anything. Do you have facepainting supplies? I think they sell them at any art store.

So basically, the costume would be a black face with red lips, and a sleeveless vest, and a turban on your head (you could wrap a towel around your head for that). I attached a picture of him, his look is pretty simple. And then you could sing me your song. Ooh, ooh, and then after that, there's one more little song I'd love for you to sing for me, too, it's from my favorite Dragonball movie where Mr. Popo says it. It goes like this:

You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle, 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this. 
You ain't seen no Saiyans on the fiddle 
No Saiyans on the fiddle like this.

It's short, just sing that to a happy tune. Ooh, I'm so excited Chris!! If you're Mr. Popo, maybe I can go as Bulma when Halloween really comes. ;) ;) Anyway, I'd love to see this by Thursday at 9:00pm, okay?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|September 14, 2010 - 1:42pm

I am happy to hear that you get my feelings for you, and that you liked the video, all things considered. And I understand your concerns of the LBP Level recycle; it was and still is my idea of a fun date; I am open for ideas on a better fantasy date, and with those details, I would be most happy to put a new level of it together just for you, and draw more drawings to go with it. With the [[Things Chris has ripped off|limited ideas]] of mine for a fantasy date, I felt lack of drawing inspiration, because they were just too simple and trite to me. Plus I did get the inspiration to draw the best circle jerkin' drawing I was able to picture in my head for you. With that, I do apologize for the short number of drawings in the video.

As for Mr. Popo, consider that done. :D Speaking of face painting, while restoring the photos I had originally on my PS3 from my backup cards, I found the photo of myself with the face paint I did for [[JuggaloShoutOut|the Juggalo video]]; it is attached. I used paint from my collection of acrylic paints for the job. I'll wear a black t-shirt under my vest, and I do have a clean white towel here. I'll get the lyrics for Mmm X4 from a search, and perhaps I can put Popo's song within the lyric rewrite, right after the Mmms.

The Halloween together sounds great. :D Do you have information on a party event we would go to? You would be able to pull off Bulma great. I am going to do Popo for you now, but when Halloween comes, I would feel better dressing up as [[Wikipedia:Vegeta|Vegeta]] to better match your costume. After all, I have watched the series too, and Vegeta and [[Wikipedia:Bulma|Bulma]] were a couple, got married and gave birth to [[Wikipedia:Trunks (Dragon Ball)|Trunks]] (and a daughter as well, but her [[sports bra|name]] escapes me at the moment).

On another note, the console selling is going slow at the moment; my new acquaintance is not getting replies to the post he put up from any interested people. He will call me when he does; he has my number. But I am going to go ahead and put my Sega consoles onto [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], complete with photographs. And if I don't sell them before [[October 2010|October]] comes around, I will still dedicate $150 of the [[tugboat]] for our dates, me coming to meet you, etc. I'll let you know the final details later, and you and I will put together a meet date.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Sweet and Safe, Sweetest Love. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|September 14, 2010 - 4:45pm

Hey Chris!

Don't have much time to talk now, but I just want to say I'm really excited to see the Mr. Popo video! Actually, I'd love to see the Mr. Popo lyrics separately from the CTD song, just because Mmm x4 has kind of a slower, somber tone and I don't know if the Mr. Popo song could really work into it; it needs a peppier, fast cheery tune.

And I saw your craigslist ads for your old consoles too, I hope those sell quickly. I'm sure there are collectors out there or something who will be interested. Well, anyway, can't wait to see the video. I'll write more later!!

<3<3<3<3<3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 2:53pm

I was successful in rewriting the song to match our relationship well. No rhymes; it's freeverse. I typed in the lyrics at the bottom of this e-mail. I attached the photo of my face looking like Mr. Popo, and I will start upload of the video shortly after I finish this message.

I've put Popo's bit at the end during the "Ahhhhhs". I've also added another fun item I think you'll enjoy. Reference [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_X_episodes#Season_1:_2003-2004|Episode 8]] of "[[Sonic X]]", Original Japanese Dialogue, this purple, furry dude was entertaining [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cream the rabbit|Cream]] and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_video_game_characters#Cheese the Chao|Cheese]] with a "Good Morning" song. Look up his song and dance on [[YouTube]].
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYskMdSiFn4&feature=related

Also, another topic of interest that has just come up among the fresh e-mail batch. Do you know a [[Wikipedia:Fight Club|Robert Paulson]] <billman198@googlemail.com>? He has surprised me with some trash talk of he being your boyfriend and some shit-talk aimed at me. And he attached a possibly photoshopped [[Nudes|photograph]] of you to the e-mail. I want you to know that I am only surprised, and I am not believing what he is saying. I only ask for your honest feedback to verify this individual. I'm keeping a cool head.

And, on the Good News, I may have a customer who will buy ALL of the Sega Consoles from me; he called me from his 434 Cell Phone (he lives in the 504 area code). Currently, he plans on stopping by my house to purchase tomorrow afternoon, but I will wait until I have the money in my hands before I start making mutual plans with you to meet you and all the good stuff. I cut him a deal for buying all of the stuff at once; $120. With the $14 I made the other day from my [[Nintendo|Game Boy Color]], I feel this will make things equal; making the equal amount of money as before. I may get another offer for the whole bunch, but if I do before this dude comes along, I'll insist on full price or higher offer, and I'll let the first dude know about that as well. He's getting the consoles for his children.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian

Song for you - "Heavenly Matched Love"

Once there was this boy who 
Was born with some [[autism]] and yet made [[gal-pals|a few friends]] 
But after his [[High School]] years 
He lost his friends and was [[troll]]-tortured 
By bullies who were jealous 
of his [[Money|material things]]

Mmms

Once there was [[Jackie|this girl]] who 
Continued to have friends long after her High School 
She could have had her pick of men 
Then she found the wayward, lost boy 
They matched up very well 
Heavenly Matched Love

Mmms

And both girl and boy were glad 
'Cause they both saw each others eyes

They both thought of each other 
They had enjoyed each others company sweetly 
Roller coaster ecstacy 
In [[CWCville|fantasy]] their dates were simple 
They look to be married and 
Have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]] and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|girl]]

Mmms

"Ain't no Saiyans on a fiddle, No Saiyans on a fiddle like this." X2 
"Asande hahe swa, wowo-haya-hoo!" X2}}

{{EmailReply|1=September 16, 2010 - 3:10

I've just took a look on the Troll Forum for a possible link to this Robert; their last post on there was made yesterday on one page. It seemed to be only talk of raping you, and one of getting [[Greene County]] to ban you from entering county lines (yeah right, like they are going to [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban someone]] they don't know without a good reason or evidence).
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=103

I just wanted to warn you, so you can be careful to try to avoid these people in real life. I have faith and trust in you being true to me and keeping our relationship strong. I will not stand down in our relationship either.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|September 16, 2010 - 4:38pm

Hey Chris!

So, I guess we have a few thing to talk about here.

First of all, [[Song for Jackie.MOV|that video]] wasn't good. In fact... It was AMAZING!!!!! I can't believe you made that so well!!! I was soo happy to see my favorite Mr. Popo, you brought me back to my childhood. Thank you so much sweetie!

Secondly, as far as the trolls go, I'm not terribly worried. I can take care of myself. I'll just keep an eye over my shoulder from now on. But really, I doubt they're going to do anything.

Thirdly, I don't know who that Robert Paulson is. He isn't my ex-boyfriend. I think you should ignore him and not listen to his bullshit. But that picture is me... well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it... but I did have an ex-boyfriend, [[Lars]], to whom I once sent some nude pictures of myself, that's where that picture this guy sent you came from. But even though we had a really bad breakup and this was years ago, he promised me he would delete all his pictures of me. But obviously he lied. There's no other way those pictures of me could have gotten onto the [[internet]]. That bastard... To be honest, this worries me a lot more than some trolls threatening to [[rape]] me. I feel so betrayed. We broke up because we weren't right for each other, but I had no idea he could sink this low. Now I have to worry about him. I don't know what I can do about Lars... He was my first love. I thought I would never love anyone again when I was with him, and after he broke my heart I thought I would never love anyone again. It took me a long time to build myself back up and become able to feel agian after that.

Lars you bastard, wherever you are, you won't get away with this... I don't know how, but I'll find a way to make him suffer for this...

<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[sigh]]*

Well anyway, let me get to something more positive. Since school is ramping up and I won't have any time to come visit for a few weeks. But I've been having a lot of fun with seeing what you can do lately, and I have some good news: I managed to arrange an extended break from school starting on November 1st (the [[Wikipedia:Day of the Dead|Dia de los Muertos]]). Although I'd love to see you so badly right this minute, it's just not not doable right away. So until then, Christian, I present to you....

Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest! :D

Starting October 1st I want you to count down the days with me until we meet by posting a new video of you on youtube everyday. But, it doesn't have to be anything really big. Just a 30 second blurb is perfection as it gives me a chance to see you, fresh faced, every day! I want to be with you so badly Christian and this will be like practice for me. Seeing you, every day, doing fun things! 1 video a day, for a total of 31 days, the last video being on the 31st of October, Halloween. For each video I want you do something different. I want you dress up as a different cute character! Get it? Halloween every day!! Yay!!! Any character you want to be - one of your sonichu characters maybe, or an anime or movie character, and make the costume however you like - who you choose to be and what you do for it will teach me more about you and what you like.

And during each video I want you to share a different piece of information about you with me. But, I want this information to be secrets or details you've never shared with anyone else. It doesn't have to be anything that big or unique, it can just be something little about your life. I want us to have no secrets between us sweetest! And this will be us being open, honest and having fun!!! Don't hide anything Chris, you should be proud of who you are - be true and honest!! In return, when we meet on November 1st… I will give myself to you. I don't wait any more, Chris. I want to give my being AND my body all to you! My Dad will pay for my hotel so we can go there and get dirty between the sheets together! Can you imagine?? How cool is that!!

However, you must must must do a video a day. If you miss a day or skip, the contest ends and you loose :( And then we have to wait to have sexy time because I'll need to think harder about things… but I don't want to think! Thinking is hard! The only hard thing I want in my life is YOU my darling Cripple doo!

Soooo, ready to play??? I know I am! xoxo

Jackie

P.S. Hey, since the contest won't start for about two weeks, in the meantime, how are your other drawings going? Have you picked [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] back up, or are you working on any other comic ideas? Ooh, could you make a little video for me? Make a video of yourself giving a little tour of your bedroom? I know about what one side of your room looks like from your recent videos, but I'd love to see like a 360 tour of your [[room]], all the stuff in it, your closet, your wardrobe, and so forth. Show me the significant things in your room and give me little backstories about where you got them and such. I really want to feel like I'm one with you, Chris. So when I first set foot into your room I'll feel like I've been there forever. :D If you have anything naaaaughty to share with me… then would be the time, too! Tell me about how we'll snuggle up in your bed and cuddle and wiiiiggle. heeheee! xox}}

{{succession
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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 14]]

Jackie E-mails 8

2011-05-24T01:30:54Z

Requiempeace: changed the movie title to the correct spelling

Chris misinterprets Bob being tired of Chris's shit for preparing a trap for the trolls. Bob's managing Chris's life (what else is new?), and has set an arrangement that could actually bring Chris's spending under control; naturally, Chris hates not being allowed to continue the path that got him into the situation in the first place. Chris has sold a surprising 36 games... and gets $42, deposits $10, and keeps $32 in his pocket (and thus, out of Bob's attention or influence).

Jackie asks again why he involved Rocky and the Church to reduce frivolous, mindless, unthinking and unmanaged theft & spending (''a-thankyew''). Brings back up what Chris tried to ignore and forget: getting off of the Tugboat. Chris ignores and forgets it, is going to buy LBP2:CE because he wants to. Jackie again asks on why he's using Bob, Rocky, and his church pastor Elizabeth as his personal army. Chris answer: there was food, that was more important than answering. Chris uses the church to "solve his personal problems," which suggests either God does not exist, or there's a limit for even Him to perform miracles. Also, Chris is a Dreamwalker.

Chris's excuse for not talking about getting work, getting off welfare, or being of any actual benefit to society or existence is stress, promises to immediately answer those questions.
Next paragraph: Chris tells Jackie he masturbated to her instead of drawing her, plans on essentially raping her. Jackie plays along with talk of [[Masturbating_and_squirtin']] in the men's locker. Chris claims he wants somewhere gender neutral, and immediately suggests he sneak into the ''womens'' locker and rape her there instead.

Chris sounds off like an ad for LBP (confirming how easily influenced he is to even the most basic 'brainwashing' techniques), basically saying it doesn't count as feeding his addiction and debt because it's a very addictive game, add-on costs be damned.

Chris liked Cannibal Holocaust for its rape of women, considers it 'playful', likely formed by his idea of hentai as accurate of actual sexual relationships. Jackie says it's horrible rape, Chris ignores it: Chris bought $12 of Sylvester and Tweety Stamps; that leaves him with $20 in his wallet, and $20 in his bank (it has been 13 days since his statement of keeping $80 in his account all month-- $10 out of the original $80, not counting the little he put in from selling some games).

Jackie echoes older dialogue, to the tune of 'if it was in a videogame, you'd finally put effort into your promises.' The statement still holds true.

===Emails===

{{EmailReply|August 6, 2010 - 11:53am

Thank you, [[Sweetheart]], for your encouragement.

Just to update, my [[father]] has been really on his high horse and not only been loud a lot to me and the other people he has been talking to lately, but also thinking of getting even with the [[trolls]] with a set-up of me to plant the seed of. We're going to close my account at BB&T, and he's going to monitor it and take major control of my finances at Bank of [[America]]. An account for me will be opened there, he'll be holding onto the Debit Card for there, he'll be taking out his monthly amounts and giving me the majority of my funds in Visa Gift Cards. I do not like it, because I am responsible with the Debit Card; I can get the Gift Cards for [[Online]] Use Myself. Lately it's been too much for me.

On another note, actually, I Pawned off 12 NES, 3 SNES, 6 Genesis, 9 Game Boy and 6 PSOne Games for a total of $42 at Snooky's Pawn Shop. I put ten of it in my bank and pocketed the rest. I had a total of 23 PSOne [[games]], but they passed on the latter of them for a scratch or two. And I also tried to pawn my Game Boy Pocket, but they would not take it because it was too old technology. I'm thinking of donating the 17 PSOne games and the Game Boy Pocket to Goodwill, unless I can find someone else who is buying the old stuff.

I did not reply yesterday, because I was [[Stress|feeling down]], and I was going out of the house three times in all, so I took the remaining time for my [[PS3|self recovery]].

The new [[Wal-Mart]] opens on the 16th of this month, and I have not heard anything from them yet; I'll be going down there later today to talk to them. They were looking to hire 400 local people; they may have reached their 400th employee, IDK.

I gtg, but I'll e-mail you later. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 6, 2010 - 4:04pm

Hey Chris!

Don't worry, I figured you were probably dealing with stuff yesterday. I'm glad you wrote today.

I wouldn't hold your dad getting loud with you against him, Chris. I mean, this was a pretty big deal; he had to bail you out of a huge debt you had - about $770, right? That's not pocket change. And this isn't the first time you've goofed like this, you've been telling him that you had learned from your mistakes when you hadn't, so I can understand why he's mad. But you should just tell him that he's right and that you know you messed up, he'll be happier if he knows how sorry you are for violating his trust. Has he said anything about the [[playstation 3]]? I mean, he must know it's the real source of all your spending woes.

But I'm glad you got rid of so many games! Maybe next time you should bring some of your more current games, like for the PS2, PS3, gamecube, [[wii]], and [[Xbox|x-box]]. Those are all still current so I'm sure that they won't get turned away, and you can get a lot more cash for them.

So your dad has some plot to get even with the trolls? You didn't really explain that part, what do you mean exactly? It's good that you're getting another bank account so whoever did this can't track your account again. I think it's kind of a good idea for him to hold on to your debit card and manage your [[money]] for you, because this way you won't be tempted to spend so much money on the [[PSN]]. You know, I looked up that [[Little Big Planet]] game, and that thing is a complete money sink! They designed it just to swallow up your money by charging you for every little character, costume, and level piece you download, I really think you should get a refund on your pre-order for that game; having that game will only tempt you to fall back into your addiction cycle. I mean, how much have you spent in total on the first Little Big PLanet? In fact, would you please tally it up for me, like every DLC item and everything, and send it to me? I'd really be curious, plus I think just tallying it up and writing it down will kind of illustrate it for yourself just how much of a money sink it is.

Now what's the deal with your [[church]] counselors that you mentioned last time? Is your dad working with them to help work out a payment plan so you can repay your dad, or something like that? How often do you see them, every week at church? Will you see them this Sunday? You should talk to them about the subject then, I'm sure they can help you figure out how to pay your dad back. But selling all those games is a great start, I'm sure your dad will be happy when you give him the $32 from your first sale. :)

Ooh, I just thought of something perfect! I bet your church has charity auctions and sales for needy families and stuff like that, right? You should talk to your counselors about donating all those games and systems that the stores won't take! I know it's old stuff, but I'm sure there's tons of less fortunate kids who would love to have games when their families can't afford them! I bet your counselors will be just thrilled when you talk to them about it, let me know how it goes!!

I wouldn't be too discouraged if Wal-Mart hasn't called you back yet, sometimes businesses can get behind in that sort of stuff, just call them up and ask where they are in the process. Have you thought any more about the plan to push for full-time and get yourself off the social security? I think now that this whole series of ugly events has happened, this is a great time to just try to start anew, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and make some positive changes, since things are already changing anyway. In fact, you might want to apply at a few other places around town, just in case the Wal-Mart thing falls through. We're approaching fall and a lot of part-time kids are leaving their jobs and going back to school, so I'm sure there are plenty of businesses that will be looking for replacement workers.

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 8, 2010 - 12:57pm

Things have lightened up a bit, but we're still recovering. My father has not said much about the PSN stuff; he's more in mind of the banking re-situating and such. I am going to continue with the purchase of LittleBiGPlanet 2, and I'll tally up the LBP1 items for you later (I have been hand-writing an inventory of each item, price, size and monetary information since After the first time it was hacked into, including All times before then). Note, I got some of the items for Free, such as the [[Metal Gear Solid]] Level Kit and Costumes; I Earned them from after submitting a level [[PS3 History Level|commemorating the 2nd Year Anniversary of the Playstation 3]] I had created (they gave me a PSN Voucher Code for said DLC).

I do not know what my father will have in mind for a counter-attack against the Trolls, but he is aware of Junior Jenkins, and I am certain he'll cook up something after this bank trial is done. Also, he is not in alliance with Elizabeth and [[Rocky]] currently, but the goal is the same.

I GTG, but I'll TTYL. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 8, 2010 - 4:14pm

Hey Chris. I was wondering what happened, you didn't write yesterday.

I can't wait to see the Little Big Planet tally. I bet it comes out to being a lot of money. But remember Chris, just because you got some of the DLC for free doesn't make it any better - this is about your addiction, ANY amount of stuff you get for it just fuels the addiction. In fact, getting free stuff is worse than paying for stuff, because its only going to lull you into actually paying for more stuff.

I'm disappointed that you're still getting Little Big Planet 2. I've looked into the game, it's basically just a money trap. The whole point of the game is to drop hundreds of dollars on stupid content and costumes for your characters that you don't even need. It's a lot worse than any other typical game, where you just pay for the game once and that's it. I really don't get how you intend to pay for all that DLC while at the same time claiming you've learned from your spending mistakes, but whatever. Like I said, the free DLC is still bad because not only does it draw you to pay for other DLC, but it draws you into buying more DLC. It's not about the money Chris, it's about the fact this stuff dominates your life.

As far as your church counselors, I asked if they and your father are working together to deal with your spending habits, and you kind of ignored my question. Like I said, I really don't get how they can help you deal with the trolls. I thought church was something you used to help you work on YOUR issues, not help you get back at [[internet]] bullies, but whatever. Honestly Chris, these video games are a deathtrap for you but you don't seem to care about getting over them or making improvements to yourself.

As proof you don't care, most of your last email was just a long paragraph bragging about all the DLC you got. And I can point to a number of other emails you've sent me where the longest section was talking about video games. Free stuff is worse because you seem to think it's okay, but it's lulling you into a false sense of security.

You didn't answer my questions about if you have thought more about a full-time job or getting off the social security either; you know I take time to write you every day, I kind of wish you would do the same and respond to my questions. This worries me because it feels just like before, when you started ignoring me and then brushed me off because you didn't like answering me when I was talking to you and trying to get to know you. I can handle getting an answer I don't agree with, you know, but it's disrespectful to pretend you didn't hear the question in the first place.

Sigh... I'm just frustrated. I wish you would put more effort into me, is all.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 9, 2010 - 2:06pm

Jackie, I am putting a lot of effort into our relationship. I seriously had to cut my e-mail short yesterday, because my family and I were going out for [[Country Cookin|an outing]]. Please allow me to resume my e-mail to answer your questions.

Firstly, my father is not currently in alliance with Elizabeth and Rocky over some emotional differences from his point of view. My father does more for helping me quell [[Chris and Money|my spending habits]], Rocky only advises me, and Elizabeth, while supportive as the pastor she is, is out of the loop.

I do go to church to help me resolve some of my own personal issues, as well as space the trolls away from me emotionally. The church has nothing to do with bullying the Trolls back.

As for the LittleBigPlanet Add-On talley, it totals to over $100. I get it. <nowiki><|(</nowiki>

I'm sorry, I am just soooooooooo stressed from the past week, and the fight still marches on until we get this whole financial mess the Trolls started resolved. For Each of Every One of those damn idiots, I Pray that I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], Haunt their Dreams, [[CWC's Message for Ivy|giving them all Nightmares]], EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I loathe them all soo much.

I have not been able to think further about the full time job or getting off the social, because I've been dealing with the above mess.

*Sigh*

Jacklyn, I am not, and I promise never to ever, ignore your questions or concerns. I would have answered them all yesterday, but I had to go out, and I am sorry for not resuming the message after my later return. But I have answered them now.

I do not want there to be anything to ever break us up; I want you and me to be together. You are the sweetest, most understanding and caring woman I have had the blessing to be in a relationship with in my lifetime. I want you with me ASAP and for a very long time after that. I am very fond of you, Sweetheart.

I also thought up a cute idea of how to draw you earlier today; you in a sexy pose. ;) You get me turned on; I [[Masturbation|rubbed one out]] shortly after that image, as well as another idea. Me coming up from behind you, kissing you, taking your pants off then mine, you lean against a wall, and I move your panties to one side of your pussy, then putting my dick in you. Feel free to pick any scene; [[Chris's kitchen|kitchen]], [[Chris's room|bedroom]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public restroom]], [[Manchester High School|locker room]], [[CWCville|etc]]. Does the idea of [[Bob Walks In|getting caught]] turn you on?

But enough of the fun for now. Where are you now? I still count the days until the 18th. Let's set the meet definitely for the 20th at the Starbucks near the [[China]] King Buffet at 1:00 PM. I promise you we will share a good day together.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 9, 2010 - 3:13pm

Hey Chris! I'm really sorry about my last email, I was just having a really crummy day and I got short with you. Forgive me? ;)

So, Rocky is your counselor, and Elizabeth is the pastor? Tell me more about Rocky. Do you think she'd like me? I admire her for helping you, I think she and I have that in common. What do you guys do during your meetings? I hope you have fun with her. I used to go to church when I was a kid but I never really got into it, the whole idea of confessions kind of turned me off.

So you tallied up the Little Big Planet purchases? I'm so happy that you get it now, sometimes it's hard to see unless you force yourself to look at the hard facts. Well, I'm glad that you see now how much of a waste that Little Big Planet is. Forgive me for if I sounded rude but I just don't want you falling into that trap again, sweetie. Maybe you could talk to your dad about how you were thinking of purchasing it, I'm sure he'd be happy to know you've re-thought it. It's like I say Chris, right now pretty much every little thing you can do for your dad to get brownie points won't be a waste, so make sure to let him know about your new decision to cancel the purchase. :)

It sucks that the trolls forced you to reveal your money woes to your dad before you were ready to. I'm sorry, I haven't been asking about that lately! Did you ever get those overdraft fees reversed? Or is that still in the works? Although it's good that things are looking up now. I know you weren't happy about the idea of talking to your dad about your card when I first suggested it, but it's good that you finally manned up to your mistakes. I know it sucks but it's really the right situation, you're an addict and you need help to deal with your situation. Like I said, you should really look at this not as a disaster, but as an opportunity for positive change. Hating the trolls won't fix what you've done - self-improvement begins with you. :)

I kind of like your sexy idea ;) I was thinking of something in particular: You know you described your fantasy about having sex in the pool in the guys' locker room? I'd love to make it a reality. Can you show me a preview by drawing us together in a pool? We would just be tearing at each other; but then we get caught! A bunch of guys come in surrounding the pool and just stare at us, but we're so enamored with each other, making such passionate love, that we just don't care and we keep going! And then all the guys get turned on by watching us, and they start jacking themselves off into the pool... circle-jerking is such a huge fantasy of mine! Do you think you could draw something like that for me?

Oh Chris, I'm so hot right now, I feel like I could squirt... I look forward to hearing from you,

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 11, 2010 - 4:33pm

WOW! You are a wild woman. ;) I will consider drawing that scenario as a second drawing. But when talking of locations with gender differences, let's keep it neutral in fantasy discussion. For example, I could be finding you alone in a women's locker room and doing you there. And I am sure there would be women along with the men awing us around the pool. [[RomanticLabyrinth|I would really like to make the pool sex a reality]] between you and me too, but we'll wait until after we're together and we can scout around and plan it out. ;)

Anyway, the other topics of your last e-mail. Rocky is a kind and understanding woman in her 40s (I think). During our meetings, we usually just hang, talk and listen. She offers me reasonable solutions or advice when applicable to my situations in life. She also has a good family who she talks with often. Her son works with RockStar Video Games (the company behind such titles as Grand Theft Auto).

I think Rocky and everyone in my congregation would like you too. My church does not have [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|confessions]], but if felt needed, you may confide with Rocky or Elizabeth. The weekly services are [[Church audio|usually very pleasant]]. There are [[Chris and music|good songs]]. The sermons link respectively with the readings from the Bible. And there's fellowship afterwards with refreshments. I invite you to join me one Sunday or more. :)

Aside from the financial traps of the additional costume pieces, LittleBiGPlanet is still a Fun, Great game. It became the Leader in the concept of "Play, Create, Share". And it is fun from the In-Game Story Levels, Custom Level Creations, and All of the Published Levels on the Servers (Including my own; I also have a [[LittleBigPlanet#First_Date_Level|"Fun First Date" Level]] I would be very happy to share with you side-by-side). :) Mainly, the first game is a Platformer, and in the 2nd game they're expanding with MANY Awesome Upgrades of which the viewpoints can be changed, among a LOT of other things. LBP 2 is going to be more than Play, Create, Share Platformer (and tweaked levels to look like other games), but Play, Create, Share ALL GAME FORMATS. "LittleBiGPlanet; it is a Planet that is Little, it is a Planet that is Big. LittleBiGPlanet." A motto for the game I made up. I'm just saying don't knock it for the pricey, Optional add-ons alone; play the game for yourself.

I intend to boycott future LBP Add-On Purchases, but as a fan, I am still going to get LBP 2. Give me credit for Selling over 50 of my old games. You can still remain proud of me, Sweetheart. ;)

All of the bank issues are still in the works; I am uncertain of when it will all be resolved for now, but hopefully it will be before the end of this month. And you are right of it being an opportunity for self-improvement from the whole ordeal. My family and I still have our angst against the trolls; they will be dealt with eventually.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Sweetheart. :-* 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|August 13, 2010 - 3:00pm

I haven't received an e-mail from you for a short while. Are you closing in on Sweet Home [[Virginia]]? :)

As for me, it's currently good and same-ol, same-ol. The banks and the credit card are still in limbo with the pending fees and such. My [[mom]] and dad are doing okay.

I watched "Cannibal Holocaust" the other day. It was okay, but seeing the tearing apart of a monkey's skull, a whole big [[Yawning Squirtle|turtle]] and even seeing that dude's [[dick]] get cut off bothered me. But it's Hollywood magic; [[Sex dolls|fake dummies]], motorized limbs, prop guts and all, so I get over the feeling with that perspective. I liked the part where the professor lured out the women of the tribe to [[Rape|play with him]] in the water. And I see the whole [[parody]] and [[humor|comical portions]] of the movie.

Speaking of favorite movie parts, from "Pink Flamingos", I enjoyed the part where they held the "Kangaroo Trial" at the site of their burned down trailer. Especially the Court Stand they had there; the Trailer burned down. Where did they get it from? Did they swipe it on the way back to the Trailer or what? LOL

So, where are you now? Are you still safe and sweet? What's the good word with you, Sweetheart? I still look forward to our meeting on the 20th at the Starbucks at 1:00.

Lots of Love for you. ;)

Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 13, 2010 - 7:55pm

Hey Chris. Sorry I haven't written in a bit, been a bit busy.

Well actually, that scene with the professor taking the women into the water was a pretty disturbing and violent rape scene. I don't get why that was your favorite part? Also, all the animals that were killed in that movie were actually killed, there was no hollywood magic about it. The makers of the movie got sued by PETA over animal cruelty violations.

So how are your parents? How have they been feeling in the wake of all this stuff? And hey, how are your drawings of me coming?

Sorry I don't have much time to talk, but things are just really busy and crazy for me right now. I'll try to write more a little later, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Arghh, all these distractions...

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 15, 2010 - 5:28pm

Post-Financial Traumas, my parents are recovering okay. My father got to have some fun of his own with mom (and me today) when they went to a Stamp Convention in Richmond Friday (just got back from a return trip with me invited for today). My father is a good stamp collector; he has a grand collection (Not as GRAND as his Record Collection, LOL. But I guess he would have enough postage to send his records anywhere He goes). He found some fun rare vintage stamps that he got a kick out of seeing on display. I found a fun little souvenir there for myself; I spent 4 bucks on a set of the 10 Sylvester and Tweety Stamps from 1997, plus 2 more of the bigger portion with one stamp each. First time I laid eyes on the familiar image from seeing it on Television and Post Office way back then, I knew I had to have that. These are self-adhesive stamps, F.Y.I. Anyway, I'm a bit worn from the driving and walking with dad today. I will have your drawing for you tomorrow.

I am very happy to hear from you again, and I understand how busy you are on your final days of your U.S.A. trip. I look forward greatly to Friday when we meet. Let me hear the details from you in your reply of Where and What Time we're planning to meet on Friday for good confirmation. :) F.Y.I., I tend to be about a quarter hour or less early, so I pray you'll be early or on-time. I Truly want you and me to Hook Up and take our Relationship further.

Also, another note, it is confirmed that I will have a minimum $20 in my wallet for Friday, and another 20 in my bank account that I'd use ONLY if Needed after what comes out of my wallet. I promise you that we will still have a good time together; any suggestions you have for our day/night together during the time will be accepted and applied for reply and to Do.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, Sweetheart. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 16, 2010 - 6:22pm

Hey Chris! Sorry again I've been so busy and not written much, you know how it is.

Well, as for the date when we have it, hmm, I'll have to think about where we can go. I like to keep first dates kind of low key and informal, just kind of go with the flow, but we can talk more about it.

I'm looking forward to our date, too! :) So I was wondering if maybe you could get that drawing to me soon? I'm really looking forward to seeing how sexy you can make it for me, just like I described ;) I'd really love to have your drawing before we meet so I can have something to enjoy as a preview... Tomorrow I'm going to have the hotel room mostly to myself, and if I have your picture I can enjoy it in more ways than one, if you know what I mean... ;) Get it to me by 9pm your time tomorrow so I can take full advantage of it!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 16, 2010 - 6:43pm

I hear you clearest; I'd like it low key and informal too, and seeing as we go with the flow is good. I can do it sexier, but here's the start for you. ;) You're making me hard with what you said about what you may do in the hotel room.

I'll say it one more time to make sure we got our starting location in place. The Starbuck, next door to the Radio Shack, in the same shopping center area as the China King Buffet, across the street from [[Fashion Square Mall]], on Siminole Trail in [[Charlottesville]], VA. :)

And, also, please give me a call on my cell 434-760-0848Thursday at about 7:00 PM to final-confirm our date.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 16, 2010 - 7:30pm

Ooh, That's a sweet picture!! You make me look so sweet! But I can't wait to have the real picture of the little "pool party" I talked about. I'm getting excited just thinking of how you'll do it! Remember to get it to me by the time I said, Sweetie!!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 17, 2010 - 5:00pm

I'm happy you liked my rendition of you. I'll have the drawing of the "Pool Party" by Friday; I'll hand you the original drawing in my [[car]].

I've recently drew up my own rorschach drawing; I took pen in hand on blank paper, closed my eyes, and drew freely. It's very good in seeing what's in the subconsious. Especially when seeing it from all four rotations. Right-side-up, I saw a sexy woman (probably you). ;)

But in the other three rotations, I saw some nightmarish items, including a snapping turtle head, leering eyes, a human foot and even a hooded stranger. They're either from me recently watching the "Cannibal Holocaust", or my head is [[stress]]ed. I'm attaching the drawing; you print and tell me what you see in all four rotations; what I saw I wrote respective in that side up.

I am soooo happy to be meeting you very soon; I need a sweet, beautiful woman like you to help me feel more relaxed and at peace. :)

Thank God also that the bank issues will be resolved and completely straightened out about this or next week.

Please sooth my head for me, Sweetheart.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 17, 2010 - 7:18pm

Chris, what do you mean Friday? I wanted that drawing today! Couldn't you have made it for me?

Chris, I'm feeling a little stressed myself. I was really hoping you could do this for me as I asked. It took you weeks to get me just an ordinary drawing after I asked, and now you won't give me the sexy drawing like I needed? How am I supposed to have "fun" (wink wink) by myself without it? I have a feeling if I had asked for a [[ModNation Racers|modnation racer]] level instead of a drawing, you would have gotten that to me quickly enough.

You know, something actually came up on my trip that I was going to turn down, but now I'm kind of having second thoughts about meeting so soon... Here's the short of it: A friend of mine is in engineering school in Indiana. She was supposed to come drive out to visit us this week in Virginia but her car is completely dead, I don't know the story but apparently it's going to cost more to fix than the thing is worth and she can't really afford a plane ticket right now, and her parents can't get her one either. She was going to just stay in Indiana but after a long talk we all decided we are going to go see her there, since it's been almost two years since we've seen her and I barely get a chance to even talk to her much these days. We're going to stay in Indiana with her for a few days, then come home probably through Kentucky and West Virginia.

I was looking forward to just driving straight home to Virginia and finally meeting you, but I'm just kind of disappointed and hurt that you have been dragging your feet on getting me a simple drawing. I wanted so badly to see some sign that you do care about this as much as I have but maybe you aren't as into meeting me as I thought. I know you were looking forward to seeing me this week, I was too. But I think we can stand a couple more weeks to meet, maybe that will give us both time to think more about this. I'd really feel a lot more confortable meeting you after I've seen you put some effort into us.

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{Email|August 17, 2010 - 7:32pm

By the way, what you drew isn't actually a rorschach image. Rorschachs are supposed to be inkblot-style pieces, the purpose is for the person presenting them to determine what the first thought or idea is the viewer comes up with upon viewing the rorschach. I attached some examples for you to see. Tell me what you see when you look at them, I'm curious to know!

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 19, 2010 - 4:36pm

Well, I did not say that it was really Rorschach, but rorschach-like; I did not know what the actual term for a hand-drawn, eye-free drawing was. In the images you sent me, I saw, respectively from top to bottom, a blooming tulip and two horse heads; the human lungs, kidneys and back and pelvic bones; fighter jet plane.

I've been finally settling up the bank issues this week; I have the drawing of our pool party; I had not colored it in yet. I was going to send it to you later tonight after coloring it in today. I had just gotten back home from after making 40 bucks from selling more NES and SNES games, and my SNES console, Super Scope 6 gun and the SNES Mouse; I donated blood and played in a [[Guitar Hero]] Tournament sponsored by VA Blood Services, and I was about to go look through this week's "Hook" for events, and go onto moviefone.com to look up local showings of "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World". I was all set for our date tomorrow.

But I understand the situation with your friend in Indiana, and I am sorry for her not being able to come to you. As much as it pains me to wait longer, I'll wait two more weeks for you. Do not question our relationship, Jacklyn; I Fond for you, and I Long for you. I want you and me to be together for a very long time.

I'll e-mail you the colored drawing later tonight.

Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

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{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 08]]

Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010

2011-05-15T16:31:39Z

Requiempeace:

This page lists emails exchanged between Chris and [[Vivian Gee]] during [[2010]].

They mostly consist of Vivian trying to sort out Chris's finances, force him to release ''Sonichu'' comics on schedule, and generally act like a proper human being. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't, and Vivian gives up.
==Emails==
===2 January ===

{{EmailReply|WHY are you going on with that stupid FAKE [[HEX-BOX]] GAME? Or, if you do wish to continue on, I wish for a COPY of that disc for myself, Please, so I can take it to a [[GameStop]] and check it out for myself on their
Console Station.

Also, in response to your recent letters I have received:

-I have no plans on selling my consoles, but I do have big plans on Saving. Plus, mostly when I eat out, it's with my mom and dad, and they foot those bills then. Just to let you know. 
-And I had no idea about that with the [[Coca Cola]] company. And with that, I am addressing the issue that has the [[Cwcipedia]] down for the time by accepting the responsibility of the discussions with the Coca Cola Company, apologizing and all that. I have informed the SysOp of that, and I have uploaded my statement onto my [[YouTube]]. I am still awaiting the e-mail(s) about that.

Love and Peace, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|You must have SOMETHING you don't use to sell. There's so much shit you have. Like old games, old consoles, old [[toys]], old ANYTHING. Pay off your debt faster so interest doesn't rape you up the ass.

And I didn't make the game. Someone else did and I have no idea where they went. They told me to post the videos. So yeah, I dunno anything about the game at this point.}}

{{EmailReply|I agree with you. Anyway, can you still make a copy of that game disc for me, or can you at least tell me the name(s) of the person/people who put it together? I am intrigued with their "Beta" Disc and its contents.

Also, I still wait for a response from Coca Cola or the SysOp. I GET IT; I SCREWED UP, but I had good reasons behind it; I was SICK and TIRED of the MISLABELINGS, [[Jack]]'s Ads, AND even the Letters of the [[gay]] men TALKING TO ME VERY STUPIDLY. >:(

<nowiki>*[[sigh]]*</nowiki>

I still accept full responsibility of my actions.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|
I broke off with them months ago. I don't even know their real names.

You know how many mixed signals you give off about your sexuality?

Let me list 10:
1. [[Sex toys|Dildos]]/[[vibrator]], yes we know you got them as gifts, but WHY WOULD YOU GET THEM AS GIFTS IF YOU WEREN'T ORDERING GAY PRODUCTS. Think about it. Order straight products: get straight gifts. Order gay products: get gay gifts. Think about it. 
2. [[My Little Ponies]]. For girls. 
3. Drinking [[semen]]. Pretty gay. 
4. Having random images of [[penis]]es get into your head.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> Pretty gay. 
5. Watching [[Sailor Moon]]. For girls. 
6. [[Axe]]. It doesn't work. That stuff fuckin' sucks. It's for men who want to pretend to be men. 
7. [[Britney Spears]]. For girls and gay men. 
8. You sang [[I Love the Nightlife]], a gay/lesbian pride song. 
9. Sex and the City<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>. For girls and gay men. 
10. No male friends, just [[gal-pals]] who you never went any further 0th base.

there, 10 things I could think of. It's no fucking wonder other people get confused.

Anyway, when the Cwcipedia gets back up (hopefully), you better have like 10 pages done. And since I guess you don't have to do any mailbags during the interim, just do something. [[Mailbag 21#Chris has something in common with Billy Joel|You said you could play the harmonica]]. Then do it.

also, you didn't comment about the selling of your old stuff. you should.}}

{{EmailReply|I see. Well, let me address your signals accordingly,

1. The website is www.adameve.com; they give you a Free Random Gift with a purchase of $17 or more; RANDOM. I have ordered ONLY Woman Love Dolls and DVDs from there. It doesn't really matter with them; when the Free Gift is of Their Choice, NOT MINE, it is a surprise. 
2. I have tucked all but a select few and my Custom Creations in a box in another room a few months ago. I have grown out of that as well; mainly Decorative items anyway. 
3. I was [[Fanta|RECYCLING]], until I had learned otherwise from my gal-pals, so I had stopped over a year ago. 
4. I mostly have and Enjoy Images of [[Vagina]]s, Breasts and Women in my head. The images of the contrary ONLY started when I was being Mislabeled; it relatively forced the images onto me along with the stress. I REALLY TRULY DETEST THOSE STRESSED-INDUCED NIGHTMARE IMAGES. 
5. Granted, but I have watched a LOT of [[anime|Dude Shows]] as well in my lifetime., such as [[Transformers]], [[Dragonball|Dragonball, DBZ and DBGT]], [[Wikipedia:Cowboy Bebop|Cowboy Bebob]] [''sic''], [[Wikipedia:Outlaw Star|Outlaw Star]] and many others. And I am looking up more shows of the sort from the current decade, such as [[Wikipedia:Jackass (TV series)|Jackass]] and Sports Shows and Movies. 
6. That is your opinion, yet I partially agree with you on it not attracting women so well. 
7. I enjoy HER BODY and HER VOICE; She is among my Top 3 Women Celebrities who I Would Love To Fuck; 1) [[Britney Spears]] 2) [[Pamela Anderson]] 3) [[Wikipedia:Amy Jo Johnson|Amy Jo Johnson]] (the original Pink Ranger from the Mighty Morphin' [[Power Rangers]], and she starred in the movie [[Wikipedia:Susie Q (film)|Suzy Q]] [''sic'']). 
8. When I sang that, I was singing it for me Enjoying the Nightlife with WOMEN. Again, that is your opinion of the song, and if it is true, I Never Knew That. I thought the Gay's Anthem was [[Wikipedia:A-Teens|A*Teens]]' "[[Wikipedia:Dancing Queen (song)|Dancing Queen]]". 
9. I DID NOT WATCH THE WHOLE SERIES, and I watched MAINLY to [[Women's rights|CHECK OUT the Hot Bods of the Women on the show.]] 
10. Correction, I have had a few Male Friends in my lifetime. 1) I had FIVE to TEN from Kindergarten to 4th Grade. 2) Check Out the Slideshow of my Classmates from [[Providence Middle]] and [[Manchester High]]; THOSE Dudes and I were Bros. And to name just a few of them, [[Joseph Herring]], Todd Holt, Damien Coy and Matthew Booty. 3) A few I am currently friends with within my church 4) Ex-Friend/Traitor, [[Joshua Martinez]].

And the pages will be done as well. [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|I'll play the Harmonica soon
enough]].

Love and Peace, 
Christian C.}}

=== Go to sonichu.com — 9 January===

{{EmailReply|UGH!!! [[Peanuts|Good Grief]].

Well, to answer your first e-mail, the current status of my bank account continues to be untouched, with the past week's auto transfer of $10 to Savings, i currently has 68 in checking and 30 in savings.

And to answer the second thing, It bothers me as well, and it's been on for a short while now. To best answer your question, I refer you to the Cwcipedia's [[Mailbag]] and search for all letters from a mister [[Alec Benson Leary]].

I am currently contemplating a counter-attack, because of the current wrong ad placements on the Cwcipedia.

Also, another current topic, of which I Confide into you with full trust. I am thinking of setting aside $100 for a lady of Escort Service, or an S.T.D.-free Prostitute in other words, to have sexual intercourse with on my upcoming Birthday, February 24. I await your swift reply with your thoughts on the topic.

Still thinking of the Counter-Attack against Alec. 
Stay Safe with Love and Peace, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|In my opinion, it would be better to put that 100 dollars to an actual girlfriend or to [[Sonichu]] (build it up to get tons of girlfriends) so you can get free sex.

In my opinion, if the claims are true and you are losing fans, you're goigg to have to step it up a lot. You're either going to have to diffuse him and find the source of his fans. Look at his wiki and find out more about him.}}

{{EmailReply|That is a good idea; I will see what dirt I can find on his...ugh...[[Asperpedia]], and maybe expose something on that. I would spend it on a Real Girlfriend, but Obviously I have had no easy luck there in finding one. And the past few weeks, I have had a bunch of snow; it has melted considerably, yet there is still a yardful and a few vehichle-size patches. And my car's battery is old, so my family and I plan on jumping it and getting a new one this week.

On another note, though, if I recall, did you mention there were a few women in your area who like me?

TTYL, 
Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

===13 January===

{{Email|Apparently, on the Asperpedia, there's this guy called [[Mao Ling]] apparently. he's their manager.

He's managing the shit out of them. He's got a fucking Wiki running in 6 days. He's a god compared to me.

And he has full control over the artists...you hardly respond to me...}}

{{EmailReply|I apologize for not getting back to you lately, but this is killing me too. I do respond to you. As a matter of fact, I finally have my car running again, and I still remember and am planning on making more on-the-town videos with interviews, flyers and such.

As for the Asperpedia, I understand it is editable by anyone, and I have an account created on there, but I am unsure on how to sabotage it; I mean like on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], if I make an edit, IT CAN BE UNDONE EASILY, and I CAN BE BANNED WITH...UGH..."butthurt".

I have made announcements on my YouTube about my having NO alliance with Alec, that HE is ripping off of me and all that. I am doing the best I can on this; what else do you suggest I do against that Damned Asperpedia? ALEC has even put up the Offensive Porn Ads on MY Cwcipedia; EVEN I still lack the knowledge of the code to even put such Ads on HIS Sidebar, and I DO NOT WANT TO STOOP DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL with porn ads like that.

IF you can upload a VIRUS to delete everything on HIS Asperpedia WITHOUT them being able to UNDO it and the VIRUS Eats EVERYTHING on that website and DELETES THE WHOLE THING within hours, I would appreciate that, or if you can lead me to being able to do that, I would appreciate that as well.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

I'll e-mail you again tomorrow. 
Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

=== 15 January ===

{{Email|YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER

if you don't believe me on the numbers check each page: 
http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Special:Statistics 
http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Special:Statistics

so...what are you going to do?

interpretation of data: 
as of jan 14 
asperpedia has 300k~ views within 2 weeks 
cwcipedia has 1.3m~ views within 6 months

asperpedia will overtake you at this rate.}}

{{EmailReply|I will be making the Interview Videos, and I will be designing, printing and distributing the flyers as Planned. I would say don't worry, but I'm too worried to even feel right saying that right now. I am more pissed off at those four than frightened. I would beat the crap out of each of them if I had the chance to.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

I dare say this whole mess started with MY disagreement of there being ANY Link between [[Autism]] and [[Aspergers]]; I STILL disagree with the "Scientists", regardless of how long they may have studied those psychological topics. [[Reality|EVEN if I am living a lie, I'd rather live this lie than believe that truth ever]]. [[Autism|I AM RESISTANT TO THE CHANGE!]]

TTYL,
Christian C.}}

===Calling out — 15 January===

{{EmailReply|
Also, I have the hand-drawn portions to put into the flyer, and I have written a rough-draft on the text for the flyer, I will type it up for you to read and offer your full input on:

"The [[ego|brilliant]] and [[Chris and art|hand-drawn artistic]] comic book series of Christian Weston Chandler, "Sonichu" is a series of evens around the Electric-Hedgehog, his friends and even his own creator in and around the city of [[Cwcville]], VA. This [[Honest Content|TV-Y7]] series is full of [[random-access humor|comedy]], [[death threats|action]], [[Saga|drama]] and [[sex|romance]] that [[True and Loyal Fanbase|millions of online readers]] have enjoyed within the Ten Years since Sonichu was first drawn in 2000.

The expandling library of comic book pages and more from Christian can be found Only on The Official Sonichu and Rosechu Site, also known as the Cwcipedia, at http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Front_Page.

Mr. Chandler is currently looking to expand Sonichu and his world inot the Franchise Market with [[toys]], [[video games]], mass-printed books and more. Donations, Business Connections and information are greatly appreciated. Please contact him at the address below.

All current advertisements on the Cwcipedia are not endorsed or related at all to Sonichu or Chrisitan W. Chandler, so pay NO attention to any of those at this time."

Thank you. 
Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{EmailReply|I have just looked up the "Donations" page on the Cwcipedia; they say they have reached their goal and left no information that was there before. They listed YOUR name as one of the doners; don't YOU still have Advertisement control as well? If so, then I would appreciate you taking down the [[Asperchu]] ads; I would just be sincerely DELIGHTED and most appreciative not only NOT seeing the Asperpedia Ads, but to see YOUR Audiobook Ads again. In a complimentary way, I would love having your Audiobook CDs shoved in my face instead of that Asperpedia.}}

=== some quick financial questions — 16 January ===

{{Email|how many credit cards do you have and how much debt is currently on each?

how much is in your checking and savings accounts?

just wondering how much capital you have}}

{{EmailReply|I'll send you the drawings for the flyer later, but I still would like your input on the text I wrote ASAP, please.

Currently, there is $40 in each of my Checking and Saving accounts. My father is taking care of my debts; I only have one credit card on me, and last time my father let me know, I have about $3500 or less to go. Plus I get some pocket [[money]] from my family for the small things, about $6 a day.

TTYL, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|You might want to condense it down a bit. Correct the typos. It's a flier after all, people aren't going to want to read a 5 paragraph thing.

You need like a picture then strong title, subtitle and then a paragraph or two of info.}}

{{EmailReply|I see, can you be more specific on which I should remove or add? And I specifically said that I have less than $3500 in credit card debt.}}

{{Email|if you want me to write/edit the entire damn thing well here:

PICTURE GOES HERE

Sonichu: The Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon 
ZAP TO THE EXTREME

The brilliant and hand-drawn artistic comic book series of Christian Weston Chandler, "Sonichu" is a series of events in and around the city of Cwcville, VA. This TV-Y7 series is full of comedy, action, drama and romance that millions of online readers have enjoyed within the Ten Years since Sonichu was first drawn in [[2000]].

Visit us at: 
http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Front_Page.

Mr. Chandler is currently looking to expand Sonichu and his world with toys, video games, mass-printed books and more. Donations, Business Connections and information are greatly appreciated. Please contact him at the address below.

[ADDRESS]}}

{{EmailReply|I apologize for touching a nerve, but thank you for your input; it means a lot to me.

Stay safe, 
Christian C.}}

=== You need to clear up your debts now. — 18 January ===

{{EmailReply|Well, currently and recently I have not been spending much, and my father is keeping track of the debt and paying it from what I give him each month. Plus, I was lack in updating, because I had to do the research on the content of the Asperchu pages for what I currently have on 10 pages. I have 12 pages to color today, and I will have them uploaded later today or tonight.

I'll TTYL, 
Christian C.}}

=== Are you doing anything? — 21 January ===

{{EmailReply|I am doing a lot; I am drawing the pages, I am getting the videos, and I am informing my local public. Also, tonight, I have my first Young Adult Social Club Meeting to attend, so I will be getting good exposure there as well.

I'm just surprised to see [[Alec]] and his crew continuing to shoot themselves in the feet with Blood and Gore now; their fame will shortly be going down the toilet, just like the later season "[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]" and "[[Adult Swim|12 oz Mouse]]" episodes.

I will also be making a new announcement video to upload to YouTube in a short while.

Thank you for your support, [[Vivian]]. And I apologize for not reading your book before, and telling you the truth of how my pastor and pastoral counselor felt about it. I was soo busy dealing with my own real life problems and the Sonichu Drawings and whatnot to find time, but I will make time to read your book very soon.

I'll TTYL, 
Stay Safe and have a good day, 
Christian C.}}

=== i noticed you made a donation to haiti — 27 January===

{{EmailReply|I donated $20 to Haiti a few days ago; so that left me with over 20 in my checking. It's all good; I'll be getting the next one next Wednesday, and then we have this week's transfer putting my savings at 60. It's all cool.

Also, it actually was 3 or 4 days between Page Uploads. I had a lot to deal with in real life during those days, such as attending my first Young Adult Social Group Meeting last Friday, where I also met and hit it off well with [[The Wallflower|a nice and pretty 23-year old woman]]. So give me a break. At least I am in the groove of things, Plus I have been falling asleep earlier lately, and that leaves me with rescheduling the update times.

I'll TTYL, Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

=== how are you doing finance wise — 31 January ===

{{Email|i hope you haven't been putting much into video games...

i mean, more than one new game per month is way too much for your budget right now}}

{{EmailReply|I am doing well financially; after the transfer last week, I have 70 in savings now. I have been spending less on video games for your information. Have you been continuing to check the Cwcipedia lately? I've put up a bunch of posts from fans on a [[Sonichu Forum]] Site I've learned about, Sonichu Forums. The plan on re-situating the routine to match my [[Biological clock|bedtime change]] is simply draw 2 pages during the afternoon/evening of that day, then upload them the following morning. I have four pages I'm working on to upload tomorrow morning; I will be coloring them after I get offline.

I'll TTYL, 
Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

=== 6 February ===

{{Email|do you have any money?

i think it's time to try to go for broke

You know the [[nintendo]] store in new york? i think promoting sonichu there would be a major boost for fans and would get back some that you have lost from not updating

i honestly think this would be a good idea

let me see what your finances for february and see what we can do}}

{{EmailReply|Hey, Vivian. I'm currently having PC trouble; the fresh snow here caused a 40-minute power failure; knocked it quite a bit. I am currently unable to get it beyond its "HP Pavillion" intro screen. I can't even start up the system recovery. I'm typing this on my [[PS3]].

Also, the bank update; [[Monthly Tugboat|the 800 came in on schedule]]; 630 went to my father and my credit card, I spent about 40 to 50 on a date with [[The Wallflower|a lovely and sweet 23 year old woman]] that could not have been better. It was perfect. I'm going to take her out again in a couple of weeks, after the new 20 inches of snow melts.

I can't afford a New York trip now. I'll plan it out, and maybe make the trip in a month or two.

Stay safe. 
Christian C.}}

===9 February ===

{{EmailReply|I am getting those pages drawn and colored as quickly as possible. I had to deal with a LOT of snow shoveling; my right shoulder is bothering me right now. Also, I will have the financial updates for you after this is done.

TTYL, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|define a lot

and when will it be done}}

{{EmailReply|Front yard; over 20 inches deep; [[Honor Roll|do the math]]. this week.}}

{{Email|still, everyone has to shovel snow

2 hours tops

you have THE REST OF THE DAY}}

=== Hey, Vivian — 11 February ===

{{EmailReply|Well, here's the situation on the bank currently; I still have 70 dollars in my Savings, yet no new transfers into it will occur for this whole month, because of *plans* listed below with the items that came out of the 800 for this month.

-$630 for my [[father]], items included in this will be listed below. 
-[[Room]] + Board 250 
-Gas for [[Car]] 80 
-[[Television|DVR]] and [[Internet]] 70 
-[[6 June 2010|Auto Insurance]] 40 
-[[Prank calls|Cell Phone]] 40 
-Payment on [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|Credit]] [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|Card]] [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|Debts]] he picked up as previously mentioned 150 
-*$100 Pocketed for the plans on the [[Sex doll|hooker/prostitute]] to give me my first intercourse on my [[birthday]], as previously mentioned.* (This may or may not happen, depending on how the woman I am [[Wallflower E-mails|dating, talking and
hanging out with]] feels about possible intercourse before or on my birthday. If I can swing it, it would make me feel a lot better.) 
-About $40 on the date I had with her Wednesday the 3rd; It could not have gone better. We both had a good time, and [[List of Chris's lies|I held her hand for over a minute]]. :) 
-The remaining $30, plus $20 from the end of last month, will remain in the checking safe and sound and untouched. 
-And there is also the pocket money I get daily from my family; it is being used on [[McDonald's|food]], and some of it is being saved.

Also, an update on the pages and the Cwcipedia; I am currently on Page 95 of the book (about 15 pages are still uncolored). I will be sending the promised [[Simonla]] Kill-Off and apologetic pages to [[Evan]]'s E-mail before Saturday for his reference.

You can help at the moment by spreading the word about the resurrection and the special Message on the day I called, "[[Christian Love Day]]". ;)

I gtg, but I'll check in again another day.

Love and Peace and Stay Safe, 
Christian C. 
-The Weekly Transference into the Savings will resume on or after the 3rd of March.}}

===12 February ===

{{Email|God damn it Chris.

i thought you were gonna have the cwcipedia back up by like wednesday, seriously JUST HURRY UP GOD DAMN

you realize how hard it is to make money when you have ZERO FANS}}

{{EmailReply|I have realized that; I have just advised the SysOp to go ahead with the Resurrection of the Cwcipedia. Daily update will resume shortly.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|it's been like 2 weeks without a single word for you (publicly) about the COMIC.

you really need to do something soon. seriously, asperpedia apparently hit 1 million views, how many do you have? last i checked it was around 1.7 million

they're catching up.}}

{{EmailReply|I am working on it very hard; Evan will have the pages later today.}}

=== so, are you doing anything? — 17 February ===

{{EmailReply|Yes, I have been doing a lot. Yesterday, I answered [[Mailbag 55|another mailbag]]; I
have over 30 drawn new pages, most of which re yet to be colored in, but I am working diligently on that. I will be uploading page 75 tonight. Also, yesterday, I started the Character Bio Page with a gathered starting collection of images and links. I have drawn new Rosechu's Past memories with [[Kel]] for Rosechu's page wich I will type up tonight. I will upload all the rest of the pages, after one page a day, in a bunch on my birthday.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

=== well it's your birthday — 24 February ===

{{EmailReply|Yes, it is, but I won't officially be 28 until 5:30 AM, Eastern Standard Time. The pages will be upload this coming afternoon.}}

===4 March===

{{Email|Honestly, it seems like you don't care, and that's fine. But you have to channel your energy into SOMETHING to get somewhere. I suggest you just make something completely original. You should make something more mature. Then you will probably get the inspiration to work on Sonichu again. Make a special comic book about something completely new to show that you have a lot of talents in art and storytelling and are capable of change.}}

{{EmailReply|Hey, Vivian. Firstly, I have been working on Sonichu, but I have been forced into trauma recently, because my father had to go to the hospital recently for congested heart failure. He came back home yesterday and is recovering well. Secondly, there is a project I've been working on the side as well,and I may draw comicpages for a preview on that; we'll see. And third, my financial update: my tugboat came in on time; I still have 70 in Savings. The weekly transfers has resumed. I gave my father his check for 630; 50 for a [[PSN]] card; 10 will be taken later this month for [[Netflix]], and I'm thinkin' of getting a [[Hair|haircut]] and [[Fashion|restyle]] to look like one of the guys from [[The Wallflower|Celtic Thunder]]. The remainder will be saved for the transfers, and for any [[Video games|rainy day events]].

That is all for now, and I will check in again later.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{Email|why celtic thunder lol don't they have 5 different haircuts or something? might as well [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|wear a skirt]] or something...

tell your father to get well soon.

you should just post some stuff about your side-project on the cwcipedia. you can't leave fans hangin'. i know the trauma from your father may stress you out, but if he's doing okay, things will be alright.}}

{{EmailReply|To answer your question, my lady friend likes one of the dudes of Celtic Thunder. And I am thinking about the update for tonight on the Cwcipedia.}}

===8 March===

{{Email|you can take a small plot

expand it out to 7 pages

ta-da comic

put together 4 of them (4 weeks = 1 month)

for a monthly sonichu comic

see that's a great idea that you should totally do

you know, chris, television shows have a schedule

[[Family Guy|seth mcfarlane]] has THREE shows to do weekly (barring any important coverage like winter olympics etc)

[[manga]] artists in japan do their mangas monthly

[[Wikipedia:Akira Toriyama|akira toriyama]] did 11~ chapter books every 2 months which had about 10 pages per chapter

that's around 100 pages per 2 months

you can easily do a page a day, you USED TO DO IT TOO}}

{{EmailReply|That is a good idea, Vivian. I still continue to work hard on the pages, and have been. The only excuse I have recently was takin' out and makin' progress, relationship-wise, with my sweet little lady friend. Speaking of which, I've uploaded a [[LittleBiGPlanet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|NEW LittleBiGPlanet Foretaste level]] for another project she and I are working on together. We have also shared a kiss recently. :) I feel at peace and happy with her, in person and in heart.

Currently, there is 80 in my Savings, and about 50-100 in my Checking; I'm going to let that set for a while with the weekly 10 transfers.

I will make a Cwcipedia update very soon.

Stay Safe. 
Christian C.}}

=== Look, I'm through trying to help you with Sonichu. — 9 March ===

{{Email|Obviously you don't give a shit anymore so there's no point in managing something you don't care about. I'll take it off your hands.}}

{{EmailReply|No, Vivian. I care a lot about Sonichu, and I d not want you to take anything off of my hand, capishce?}}

{{Email|Okay seriously, you had weeks to update with ANYTHING. I already explained to you that not everyone in the world has a PS3. Not everyone can view your level or whatever. That's not updating, that's just playing video games and pretending you're actually putting effort into something.

As far as I can tell with [[Jack]], he's sick of you just doing nothing. You have shown 0 intention of actually updating. A week ago you said you might update but then you do nothing. You told me like 2 days ago you would and you still haven't done anything.

How hard is it to do ANYTHING? He wouldn't be so crass with you if you were actually intending on doing something. You probably spend like 5 hours a day just watching [[TV]] and playing video games instead of actually doing anything productive.

I'm still offering to take Sonichu off your hands.}}

===14 March ===

{{EmailReply|I hope you are well and safe. As you may have heard, I have had [[Surfshack Tito|trouble]] the past few days. I still suffer lingering heartache from not knowing if [The Wallflower] has recovered from that chaos yet. All I can do is give her time and space. At least that page of her on that damn [[CWCki]] is gone.

BTW, I was listing the other pages, pertaining to all who I care about, of which I would like to see similar treatment in reference to [Wallflower]'s Page, YOU INCLUDED, Vivian, but more of an Upgrade in Status, instead of a total revamp. Anyway, I saw the page on the CWCki of you, http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Vivian_Gee, is the photograph on the top of the page really you?

Stay Safe, I'll TTYL, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|lol no i'm way hotter}}

=== What the fuck did you do to [[Jackie|this woman]]? — 22 April ===

{{Email|God damn it Chris.

She now wants all women to not date you or some shit. What the hell.}}

{{EmailReply|Yeah, don't ask, Vivian; it was an internet relationship gone wrong. My fault, I led her to the Damn CWCki to back up my point of Trollsgetting to my dedicated videos on MegaUpload sites; apparently MediaFire is NO different. [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|That relationship is dead now.]] :_(

Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|No no Chris.

She left a message then left forever.

Hello, my name is Jackie. [[Jesus]], I can't believe I'm doing this. 
Long story short, I'm in the market for a boyfriend and I posted online, thinking I would give it a shot. I meet a guy named Christian Weston Chandler. Guess where this is going.
I didn't know anything about this guy before I met him there. I talked back and forth with him for a bit on email, got to know him a little. I didn't know he was such an internet freak. But he told me all about this cwcki site, because I wanted to know more about him and I wanted him to make a video for me. He initially refused to make a video for me because he said it "got him in trouble before". I didn't know what he meant, so he sent me here to see videos of him talking to previous girlfriends and how the nasty trolls got him in trouble for it. Mind you, he was very careful to remind me that this website is full of lies and shouldn't be trusted, despite the fact he himself sent me here. 
But I respected the fact he was at least being honest with me about this online shit. Or so it seemed. I watched a bunch of his videos, got more and more disturbed by them. I questioned him on some things, like how he apparently cheated on one of his ex-girlfriends with some other girl online. As was quite insulting (but not at all surprising now that I've familiarized myself with this site), he lied to me and said it never happened. Even though he himself admitted to cheating on her in a video HE MADE. 
And a bunch of other shit he lied about too. Like professing his love for me every five minutes, even though he COULDN'T REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME. Check this video out:
[http://www.mediafire.com/?zzivjw32mlj http://www.mediafire.com/?zzivjw32mlj] I asked him to make me a video showing me his female-pleasuring skills (this was before I started to realize what a disgusting piece of shit he is), and he CALLS ME BY HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND'S NAME. 
So there you go, have at it. He calls this website full of liars, but as far as I can tell he's a worthless piece of shit and this site is pretty frank about it. I'm fucking done dealing with him but I thought I'd contribute my experience as a warning to all the other women in Virginia.}}

{{EmailReply|Well, I am not finding that paragraph quote on the [[CWCki]]; please tell me where you found it. And in case you haven't found it yet, you can learn in a nutshell what happened from the e-mail transcripts they have trolled together on the CWCki.

http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Jackie_e-mails

I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.}}

=== Well, I never asked for a reputation. - 16 May===

{{EmailReply|This WHOLE WORLD is becoming [[autistic]] by gluing ALL of their attention to computers, internet and all that. I am a REAL LIFE MAN, and while I do not appreciate or care much of the "reputation" that has been made against me on the crappy internet, the TRUE Reputation I would call my own is in REAL LIFE and from ACTUALLY HANGING OUT WITH ME IN PERSON.

Feel Free to Spread this Quote from me, "If you REALLY want to make a Reputation Of Me, then Hang Out With Me In Real Life. Quit hiding behind your F***ing Computers and "Anonymous" Bu**S***."

Nobody is Perfect. But I AM a Good Person, and I do not have to be recorded to prove it.

Peace, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|Yeah, tell that to everyone else. You're the one who's autistic by not adapting to the world that's changing. This isn't the 1950's, son.

Why would someone want to interact with you if all they see is a manchild who refuses to grow up? That's what you are no matter if you are in real life or on the internet.

It doesn't matter if you want a reputation or not. You have earned one and that's what girls know of you.}}

===30 May===

{{Email|Do you not remember that you're 28 years old? Seriously, you should really seek some mental help if that's the case.

Also, I created an account for you on the CWCipedia. Username: ChrisCSonichu, Pass: [[pikachu]]

You should add some stuff, don't vandalize! Thankies!}}

{{EmailReply|Firstly, in case you did not read the added memo on my YouTube video, I have relinquished the Cwcipedia after it became the Worst Hacked and Beyond Recoverable Mess Ever.

Second, I have been and am spacing myself away from the internet, I became tired of dealing with those clowns.

And I have never refered myself as a teenager lately; obviously this is another lousy rumor they came up with to try to make me give them attention. Ain't Gonna Happen.

I am not theirs to control; I'm keeping it Real Life.

Peace, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|Look at [[Some Favored Comedians|your video during your Seinfeld bit]].

Do you not even pay attention to what you talk about?}}
==References==
<references/>
{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

2011-05-15T16:30:54Z

Requiempeace:

In the late summer of [[2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] and other [[trolls]] offered a series of bounties for various achievements in trolling [[Chris]] on [[Trollin Train]]. One of the rewards: US$9,001 for the destruction via blunt force trauma of Chris's [[PS3]].

Chris discovered the announcement and apparently decided that he himself could pick up a piece of the action. The following communications reveal that it wasn't actually that simple. They also provided valuable background and context to the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingFoward videos]] and Chris's filmed visit to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] on 31 August, before Trollin Train was made public.

The e-mails reveal that Chris is once again claiming to have a girlfriend. She turned out to be [[Jackie]].

==The E-mails==
Chris's communications are on a blue background, while Clyde and Surfshack Tito's are on a red background.

{{EmailReply|Hello, Clyde 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 2:28 PM

[[Chris and negotiation|Let's Talk Business]]. As you are aware, I, myself am aware of the [[Trollin Train]], and recently, I have [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|mistakenly formatted my PS3 Hard Drive]].

I do have a Girlfriend now; I will not disclose [[Jackie|her name]], and she is aware of these factors as well. She has encouraged me to work for your Reward Offer. So, with the full intention of moving forward in life, I have destroyed my PS3 personally and video recorded it. I am not going to put it onto [[YouTube]], Yet. I will be sending you the link to the video file I will be uploading to a Mega Upload site right after I finish typing this message.

At the moment, even if you upload the video yourself, it can be considered YOUR Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact. However, I am most willing and able to upload the video onto my own YouTube account personally. All I ask for me to actually Upload the Video onto my YouTube is the Full Reward, as posted on Trollin Train, of $9001 in [[Clyde Cash|Cash]]; NO check, NO Digital Transfer; Send me ALL of the Cash in a big, bubble-wrapped envelope via Snail-Mail. You have my good word that I will upload this same video onto my own YouTube right after I get the Cash.

Also, should you upload the video before I get the [[money]], I can and will create a Retractionary Statement to the video, AND blow things out of proportion.

Considering the previous trusted conversation between me and Sarah was provided with your full authorization, I will thank you for that Peace of Mind event by Trusting You in Like. I would like to see the cash in my mailbox, followed by in my hands, within' this week, before September 4, 2010.

Attached are three photos of the same PS3, Post-Damage for your preview.

You, Sarah and Penny all have a good and safe day.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|Another thing 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 6:17 PM

Later on, I've realized I could take it a step up, even though the Forum said "With a Brick", and I have finished the job with the rear tire of my car. You send me the Cash of $9001, and I will upload that video with the first one. One Week from Today.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I don't care if this goes up on YouTube or not, these videos are proof to me that you actually are redeemable. I'm surprised, but I'm still skeptical that it's finally destroyed. PS3s are surprisingly tough unlike the fragile POS PS2 and you aren't the strongest fish in the sea.

Once I can clearly see the innards of the PS3 being wrecked or it's in pieces, then we'll talk.

Penny just said hi. Adorable. Let's pretend that was for you, alright?

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fair Enough 
Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 8:57 PM

I have another video of its Final Destruction as well, but I will give you a preview with the attached Photos. Price of Admission for the Videos: the Reward of $9001 in Cash via Snail-Mail, as I have previously described.

Note even the Slightest [[Duck|Bent]] Creases.

Cheers, 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|I'm skeptical of you now. Why do you seem so willing to destroy your PS3? It used to mean everything to you. I have a strong feeling you're just trying to make me look like a fool. I don't believe any of this. I bet you just found a broken PS3 and passed it off as yours.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 2:00 AM

I understand your skepticism, but I assure you, I destroyed my ONE 500GB, PS2 Backwards, Memory Card Slotted, 4 USB, Wi-Fied Playstation 3 I bought back on March 17, 2007.

I have also made further sacrifices beforehand; I SOLD ALL of my Super [[Nintendo]] Games, and the Console, the Super Scope 6, the SNES Mouse, and Most of my NES Games to Snooky's Pawn Shop Earlier this month; call them up and ask for yourself. And I gave my NES back to [[Bob|my father]] for his enjoyment of Zelda 2, Castlequest and the few remaining NES games. I've traded in a NUMBER of my current console games as well. I cancelled my GameFly Account. I also sold a BUNCH of my CDs, [[DVD]]s and Blu-Ray videos.

Also, I have Very Few Friends locally; I have NEVER dug through any dumpster or Garbage Can; and I could not and did not buy another PS3 anywhere.

With the $9001 I have earned with my deed of Cleansing, I swear on the graves of my [[Aunt Corina]] Weston Inge, my dog, [[Patti]], all of my relatives and past friends, ceased and living, hand on My [[Chris and religion|Holy New International Version Bible]] right now, and on my own life, that I will absolve my debts with my father with half of it, and all of the rest will be used for the Bright Future ahead between me and my [[Sweetheart]]. And I swear, Hand still on the Bible, everything I have done yesterday, as I have told you are ALL True, and That PS3 which is Destroyed now was The One that was Mine Alone and no one else.

I have the Video Footage, and I have given you the Samplings from the Deed; I need not prove myself further. The Destruction was as real as [[Chris humps his PS3|the tiresome humping with the tainted machine]] in that old video I was blackmailed into doing and record.

I have endured the Pains of Loss, and the Healing of Cleansing; FREE of the Lonely and Anguished Soul that went into that machine the past three years from destroying that vessel.

You have One Week to send the Legal, Unmarked $9001 Cash. And I do not think you want to be labeled a Man of No Word after the money you sent to the girl on the Forum. And I KNOW you want the Video Footage. You NEED the Video Footage.

Peace,

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Chris, it sounds to me you're lying with all this idiotic justification. Either you send me these so-called videos or you're a bullshit [[lies|liar]] and this is over. You've lied way too many goddamn times in the past.

- Clyde}}

{{EmailReply|Fine! 
Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:02 AM

But I'd better see that Legal, Unmark, Non-consecutive $9001 CASH Within This Week, or the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] will still be on your head. NO Further Questions or Concerns!

The files in one Zip Folder are being uploaded now, and you will receive the link shortly.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Alright, talk to my main-man [[Tito]] at Trollin Train. He deals with all the money transactions since that dealing with that crap is far beneath me. Have fun with your new life!

- Clyde}}

{{Email|ALOHA LITTLE CUZ!

It's been like what, a few months after that whole [Wallflower] Incident? I knew you blocked me so I had to create this new email to talk about the $9,001 reward.

Anyways, I've received orders from Clyde to hand over the money to you.

Atleast I would have if you read the fine print in my thread.

If you go to my thread and look really close, brudda, you would have noticed that there were some qualifications for being eligible for the reward.

Since you're probably too busy with other things, I will recite the fine print.

this little tiny line right under here was the qualification, and you missed it thinking it looked like my "--------" breaks

You are only qualified for the reward if you have signed a contract agreement for Clyde Cash before entering the Trolling establishment. Reward qualifies for you to Pay tribute to Tito for Security Protection, along with forfeiting your white women for the black [[man in the pickle suit]]. You will not be qualified for the reward if you are Chris Chan.

And another thing little cuz, the reward money is for people who TROLL you. You can't troll yourself, so how can you collect the money?
 These trolls do not have welfare to depend on like do you fatty. It's their job to troll you. They rely on their trolling prizes to survive.

Now if you were that cool trolling guy [[User talk:JenkinsJinkies|jenkinsjinkies]] The money would've been his seeing that he was closer to you.

The Reward Was For Trolling You

Did the [[Transformers|Autobots]] ever give the Decepticons reward money because the decepticons stole their own energon? I think not, little cuz.

Did you know that you destroyed the only ps3 with backwards compatibility?

You smashed a $700 dollar console you fucking [[NAIVE]] IDIOT!

That is the only console you could've got all of your money back & probably even more $$$.

no other version of the console can do that.

I don't about giving you the cash but I can at the LEAST give you the bubble wrap that you wanted.

As the Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Just Because you can afford the modern long board, doesn't you can mean honor the moving water}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Look, I did the deed of Destroying my "PSTriple", WITH a Brick and then some; I Provided the Video and Photographic Footage; You did not specify Troll or Not in your Topic. And your Break Lines are ONLY Break Lines between each Topic of "Wanted" and "Rewards". And Your Superior, Clyde Cash himself, has given You Orders to Pay Me the Reward. It should not matter of the witness of Junior Jenkins. And Confidentially, I actually Met him in person, and we have a mutual understanding of each other. And as an individual in your game, I respect him as a person with a bright future in front of him. I have forgiven HIM for being a Troll. And I will also confide in you that I have made a Promise to God that after I have the Legal $9001 Cash in my hands, I swore to Forgive ALL of the Trolls, including You And Clyde; [[No More Jokes|NO MORE CURSES]] or BEING CURSED.

So just continue with carrying out your orders to send me the Full Cash Reward, and we can all move forward with our lives in peace.

Thank you. 
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Ok fatty, Clyde really likes your video. He wants me to bend the rules.

Let's pick a dropoff point for the money.

Meet me at:

[[The GAMe PLACe|243 Ridge McIntire Road]] 
[[Charlottesville, VA]]

at 2:00 PM tomorrow.

An agent in a [[pickle]] suit will meet you there with $9001 in twenty dollar denominations.

If you're not there at 2:00 pm I'm spending the money on hookers and blow. I don't care what Clyde says, I don't feel like giving a [[Monthly tugboat|welfare sapping]] [[fat]] shit like you a bunch of money

As The Ancient Hawaiians Used to say:

Don't Be late.

Your Troll 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:16 PM

I got it. I will be there.}}

{{EmailReply|Sun, Aug 29, 2010 at 10:46 PM

I will meet you there in front of the Staples of 243 Ridge McIntire Road, and NOT the store next door or anywhere else. I will be waiting in my car in a parking space in front of the Staples. No Negotiations.}}

{{Email|Haha. Who do you think you are calling the shots?

Look, we're paying people to troll you. You can't troll yourself. I'm only even giving you this money because Clyde seems to think that killing your PS3 was improvement on your life.

Don't test me, you are in no position to dictate terms to me fatty.

Do you understand that? You are relying on my generosity fatso, do NOT test me.

Ok, fine fatty, meet me in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square mall]]. In front of [[Chick-fil-A]]. 2:00 PM tomorrow. If you do not show up, I am taking this money to the nearest Hawaiian Brothel.

Capiche? 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 12:41 AM

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM. I will be there.}}

{{Email|Wait wait wait, hold the fucking phone.

I just had one of Clyde's asian technicians look at the video.

They spotted an intact hard drive in the corner of one of the frames.

You greasy fat weasel. You're saving the hard drive.

No, you're not getting your money until we get [[ItIsFinished.MOV|video of you smashing the three hard drives you have]]. Forget using a Brick, it's clear that even the asian girl that smashed the ps3 had more strength than you. I'm sure that you were in so much distress when you destroyed your ps3, it must've felt like what a mother feels when she drowns a baby in a sink. You hold that much feeling for an object it makes me repulsed.

I don't care how it gets destroyed, Bricked, Car, & [[knife]]d. Hell I would suggest you would do All 3 for this shit.

And Clyde was going to give you this money because he thought you were improving. I don't even want to show him the evidence of you being a sneaky fat rat, little cuz. You owe him that much

Listen here, I am the Hawaiian Joe Pesci to Clyde's Robert De Niro from [[Wikipedia:Casino (film)|Casino]]. I make sure what Clyde wants, Clyde Gets, and a naive [[Robotnik]] look-a-like such as yourself is going to get money from the boss.

& don't even try to think you have any upper hand in the negotiations. May I remind that you weren't even eligible for the reward in the first place.

you are in no position to dictate terms to me. I could be an total asshole and make you fulfill [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thadeus]]' deal to sing [[It's UGH!|Okay 2 b gay]] correctly. Remember Jack's "black mail" that you so call it. Even at that time you thought you had any bargaining privileges. But I'm not going to unless if you goof up again

But Right Now i'm feeling generous to give you 1 last chance.

There was an Ancient Hawaiian saying: 
"He who owns the gold makes the rules."

Fuck you,

Tito

Get me that video or you get nothing.

P.S: Why the fuck are you apologizing to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment of [[America]]? You treat a fucking corporation like it's god damned human being. Some CEO Big shot from Sony is probably viewing your video from his mansion viewing your antics like a boy views ants}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:20 AM

Enjoy the Destruction More.

Chick-Fil-A at Fashion Square; 2:00 PM; TODAY. I will be waiting for the Cash for me and my Sweetheart's Future.

Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 6:29 AM

to answer your question, there were a LOT of people who worked hard with the machines to construct the pieces, put them together, program and distribute the machine before I bought it. I am a man who Cares and Respects good people, and I did not want to dis them, so I made the statement.}}

{{Email|What an awful, awful person you are. You're more concerned with the feelings of a faceless corporation that exists to squeeze money out of you than: your parents, your friends or the taxpayers who work hard to support your fat ass. And I'm sure this will all be pointless because you're going to get another PS3.}}

{{Email|just talked to Junior, he said he never would've made any agreement with a welfare sapping naive retarded bastard such as yourself.

what are trying to pull to fatty?}}

Chris attached all the Tito e-mails to a message to Clyde, and added this:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:44 PM

**Clyde, let me share with you what your correspondent, Tito, has been saying to me, and he is Resistant to Pay Me the Reward I have earned from my console destruction.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:52 PM

**For your information, [[Lie|I would not get another PS3.]]}}

To Tito:
{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 1:58 PM

For your information, I would Not get another PS3, and I was at the Mall waiting for the cash from 1:30 to 2:10 PM. And after I read your e-mail, I went over and talked to Junior; he has NOT received any communication from you. AND even though he still has his anger against me, he and I still have a mutual understanding and agreements between each other. He told me that while he will continue to support your cause to bad-mouth me, he is cool with me getting my money, even though some of it came from his own tax dollars. Quit your damn Bitching and Redeem yourself by Giving me the $9001 Cash for my Console's Destruction.

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|Heh fatty, I just read that email that you sent to Clyde earlier. Clyde informed me to relay that he doesn't appreciate a shit stirring faggot like yourself trying to cause drama. Clyde left me in charge of disseminating this money to you. I control his finances. He empowered me to tell you to fuck off if you do anything funny.

You have to deal with me.

Since we have a few picklemen working at Fashion Square, we can have one of them pay you. Meet our agent at the Starbucks at 2:00 PM.

We'll be there, our agent should have a briefcase with the cash.

Don't try to dictate terms to us. You either meet on our terms, or you don't get your money. Makes no difference to me. Actually, it'd be cool if you got cocky and gave me reason to tell you to fuck off. Then I'd take your money to a whorehouse.

You may be a bigshot over at 14 branchland court but your tugboat don't float in our waters, little cuz.

Your troll, 
tito.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

I had the theory of tardiness, and I was uncertain. But I will give you one more chance. Today, Tuesday the 31st, as you said at the Fashion Square's Starbucks at 2:00 PM. I will be there. Please inform me how I will recognize your agent.

Christian.}}

{{Email|Look Buddy, you're giving ME one more chance, lard ass?

Tell me how many other people are lining up to give you $9,001. (there aren't). Giving you 1 dollar of that is a bad idea enough.

You will recognize the agent that will give you the money, She'll have a pickle Tattoo right on her nice rack that is about as big as your man boobs, little cuz.}}

{{EmailReply|Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 9:47 PM

I apologize for offending you with the comment. I will keep my eyes open for the female agent then; pickle tattoo on her breast.}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 3:44 PM

I was at the Starbucks in Fashion Square for over an hour, and come 2:00 PM and later; No Pickle-Breasted Woman showed up. I do not care for Wild Goose Chases, and my patience is wearing thin. Let's agree to have one of your Agents come to my house tomorrow afternoon to deliver the $9001 Cash at 2:00 PM; all she has to do is ring the doorbell, and I will answer.

Sincerely, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|You want more money? We gave you your money. We first went to the Starbucks inside the mall and we didn't see you. We saw some fat guy with big juggly hooters but no Christian Weston Chandler.

We thought you got mixed up and went to the wrong Starbucks, so we tried the other one and we found you. You had your [[medallion]] and your sapphire [[high school ring]], so we knew it was the true and honest Chris-Chan.

You looked like you lost some weight, congrats.

Your Troll, 
Tito}}

{{EmailReply|Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 4:30 PM

Liar; you did not see me at all. Don't cheat your way out of this.}}

{{Email|No, you fat shit, you're trying to rip us off. We saw [[Liquid Chris|you in your brown striped shirt]] with your sapphire high school ring. I talked to [[Kacey|your wife]] with the big boobs. I know it was you because of the retarded voice, the sapphire ring and the medallion.}}

Clyde sent this:
{{Email|You're going to have to beg, bitch.

You say you have some girlfriend. Prove it. What's her name?}}

{{EmailReply|Wed, Sep 1, 2010 at 9:53 AM

With due respect, I am NOT going to reveal her name, because I do not want you bastards pestering the hell out of her; she does not need it. And I am tired of your game of Goose-Chase; I KNOW you AND Tito are NOT going to give me even a half a Penny of any money, even after I've broken my one PS3 I paid 400 dollars for in 2007.

You both want me to even Beg, you can go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[sex toys|Darth Maul Dual LightSabre.]]

Fuck Off and Die, BOTH of you.}}

[[File:FIXED.jpg|This is what Chris wants.]]

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga]]

Surfshack Tito E-mails

2011-05-15T16:25:59Z

Requiempeace: censored her name

In [[March 2010]], the troll [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] exchanged a series of e-mails with [[Chris]]. These were leaked on 18 March 2010, to the amusement of all and sundry. They are reproduced below, with Tito's messages on a red background and Chris's replies on a blue background.

There's not a great deal of genuinely revealing information in the e-mails, although Tito's mockery is good for a chuckle regardless. We do learn, however, that Chris was aware of [[the Wallflower]]'s obsession with gay fan-fiction, and it apparently didn't bother him (or it didn't bother him enough to deter him from his quest to get laid, anyway).

==The e-mails==
{{Email|
Subject: I HAVE INFORMATION ON [WALLFLOWER], MY FAT LITTLE CUZZIN

HEY THERE LITTLE CUZ! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR MY LITTLE SPY! WELL YOU ARE PRETTY DUMB. ANYWAY, NOW THAT I TRICKED YOU I THREW HER INFORMATION TO THE TROLLS. AHAHA! IN DEMAIL YOU SHOULD SEE A PIC OF ME AT THE RIGHT AND YOU'RE BOYFRIEND AT THE LEFT!

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY.

"The coconut is always sweeter on the palm tree you can't reach!"

You're friend
Tito!}}

An image accompanied the above e-mail, a picture of [[the Wallflower]] with some big guy who looked Polynesian enough to pass as an IRL Tito. Chris replied with:

{{EmailReply|
Subject: You are NOT even my Acquaintance, Period

Fuck Off, you God Damn Troll!!!}}

Tito replied:

{{Email|
Sorry little cuz, it wasn't my fault. You leaked her pen name in your Little Big Planet level. I just had to google it and got all her nasty gay porn writings. Have you even read her writings? They're all about men having sex with men. Like the one she wrote about the guys from ghost hunters having sex. It's pretty gay stuff.

I'll quote one of her fictions in my next emails.

So long, Brudda.

As the Ancient Hawaiians Said: "He who carves himself in stone, has rocks in his head."}}

Chris delivered the following reply::

{{EmailReply|
Subject: Re: I See

I am fully aware of her Fan Fictions, and I do not judge her by that. I, Christian Weston Chandler, LIKE LESBIANS AND THEIR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS; that does not make me queer or weird.

Aside from the Googling, you surely have had a hand in the creation of that page on the CWCki and the mockery that was typed on said page. [SHE] IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!}}

Tito's response:

{{Email|
YOU SOUND AWFULLY INSECURE LITTLE CUZZES! THE DUDES FROM GHOST HUNTERS BONING EACH OTHER IN THE BUTTHOLES AIN'T LESBIAN, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU. : (

Uhh i think lesbians are pretty hot myself but a three some of Jaden Yuiki, Yugi Mutou, and Maximillion Pegasus AREN'T quite the hot lesbians your thinking of!

AND YOU'RE RIGHT THAT STEVEN KING LADY THING IS BEAUTIFUL!

"NIGGA YOU GAY!"}}

Chris managed a curiously low-key reply:

{{EmailReply|
Subject: ENOUGH!

You still have not answered my firm fact that you have created that page on the CWCki.}}

[[File:Chrischanpantsu.jpg|thumb|left|We apologize for making you see this again. It was necessary.]]

Tito would not be drawn out, however:

{{Email|
Subject: SMOOTH MOVE LADDIE!

<nowiki>:I</nowiki> forgot to mention little cuzin, I have tasted the flesh that was [Wallflower], and it was quite Delicious. She got so moist over my Ancient Hawaiian Saying. "It's time for a dicking."

P.S: Nice Undies: http://img682.imageshack.us/img682/4083/undies.png

(If you wear something underneath your kilt, it counts as a skirt, dumbass)

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY: "Smooth Move Bonehead."}}

[[File:FuckYouTito.jpg|thumb|right|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFoEKcf01qs After the break I'm gonna soak my arm in kerosene, light it, then fistfuck a goat.]]]

This managed to get Chris's dander up, leading to three e-mails in succession, as well as an attached image of Chris delivering the "fucky finger." Exactly what the "Meet and Greet" Chris refers to might be is uncertain. It could be some sort of event involving the "Young Adult Social Group" through which he met the Wallflower, or Chris could be abusing yet another figure of speech — i.e., he plans to "Meet and Greet" Tito, then log-roll/pocket-knife/whine him to death.

{{EmailReply|
Subject: [[Random-access humor|You are the Bonehead, Crapboardin' Airhead!]]

Watch your back; I WILL FIND YOU! [[Chris and his Ego|I have connections]]. And after the Meet and Greet, I will kick your sorry ass and punch your bulbous gut so far up, it shoots out your head right through your skull.

I WILL FIND YOU!}}

{{EmailReply|
Subject: >:(

[[Sonichu:The_Animated_Series#Wild_Sonichu|Sit, Spin]] and Shut the Fuck Up, [[Niggos|NIGGER!!!]] And I WILL call you That RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!!!}}

{{EmailReply|
Subject: None

Dude, YOU are NOT her Boyfriend; Back the Fuck Off, You God Damn Trollin' Stupid Nigger.}}

At this point, Tito had had enough:

{{Email|
I am sorry it took me so long to reply cause I couldn't stop laughing at this whole "I will kick your sorry ass and punch your bulbous gut" noise.

A manchild who claims to have so much strength yet gets tired after humping a console for 1 minute ya lazy sap. You're so lazy you don't even fight your own fights. How am I suppose to be scared of that? All you seem to do is punch cameras & throw Yosemite Sam kinds of tantrums. The only thing that I'm afraid of is being anywhere near the walking Health Hazard that is you. Seriously I don't think you even bathe. I've seen Guys in fucking Burger Joints with Better Complexion than you, and their head first in the grease. Do you even have Hair? I'm glad you embraced your inner homo with that skirt of yours. It's almost as gay as that bra/panty pic you took awhile back that I'm still washing my eyes out with bleach.

P,S: cut the child out of Manchild an leave [Wallflower] alone. I'm surprised she hasn't filed a restraining order on your naive ass at this point.

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY: "The seagull that flies a crooked path, has a rough time returning Home."}}

Chris handed down one final reply:

{{EmailReply|
Subject: [[Cole Smithey|DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN!]]

I know [Wallflower] is NOT doing anything with you, and she does NOT even KNOW you. You can just go shoot yourself in the head and die, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|you damned, trolling stupid, pickle-suited NIGGER.]]}}

==See also==

*[[The Wallflower]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]

{{Emails}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:E-mails]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga]]

Talk:Mailbag 9

2011-05-11T06:45:36Z

Requiempeace:

==Arabic Translation==
Like most stupid Americans, I can't read Arabic, and honestly have no idea if "Arabic" is the proper way to refer to this language.

That said, the following is what you get from copy-pasting that text into the first Google hit for "Arabic to English translator".

:Design, which was dubbed the "myth" and "father of manga comic stories of his workers and the work of other pioneers in this area was a source of inspiration contributed to the emergence of the basic elements on which the anime at the present time. For example, a method of giant robot (known as the "mechanisms" outside Japan) in the mind of Tezuka and developed by Joe Nagai and others became known as the robot Aforqq At the end of the contract itself, the latest creator Yoshiyuki Tomaino a revolution in robot created for the robot Alhakiqicolkd become robot anime series such as "and" string "" of the classics in the eighties of the century Ashreiner The anime "robot" is still one of the most common types of anime in Japan and all over the world Aleomlovi Alosmaninaten

:And successful anime in overseas markets in the same period, met Forums increasing acceptance in these markets in the nineties of the same century, but was even more in the approbation.

I'm sure that's pretty badly distorted. If anyone has a better translation, that would be awesome.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:04, 4 December 2009 (CET)

:My guess is that that's mostly accurate, aside from the places where proper names got transliterated into gibberish. I can read Arabic, but I can't understand Arabic (if that makes sense), so I could at least take a shot at figuring out what those proper names are supposed to be. But I'll hold off for now in case there's somebody out there who actually knows Arabic and can just translate the whole thing correctly. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:10, 4 December 2009 (CET)

::It kinda looks like whoever wrote it just copy-pasted straight from some article on Giant Robot Anime. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:20, 4 December 2009 (CET)

:Excellent call, Beat. I just did a little snooping, and the text comes from the last paragraph of the "History" section of Wikipedia's main article on anime. In full, it reads:

<blockquote>The 1970s saw a surge of growth in the popularity of manga – many of them later animated. The work of Osamu Tezuka drew particular attention: he has been called a "legend" and the "god of manga". His work – and that of other pioneers in the field – inspired characteristics and genres that remain fundamental elements of anime today. The giant robot genre (known as "Mecha" outside Japan), for instance, took shape under Tezuka, developed into the Super Robot genre under Go Nagai and others, and was revolutionized at the end of the decade by Yoshiyuki Tomino who developed the Real Robot genre. Robot anime like the Gundam and The Super Dimension Fortress Macross series became instant classics in the 1980s, and the robot genre of anime is still one of the most common in Japan and worldwide today. In the 1980s, anime became more accepted in the mainstream in Japan (although less than manga), and experienced a boom in production. Following a few successful adaptations of anime in overseas markets in the 1980s, anime gained increased acceptance in those markets in the 1990s and even more at the turn of the 21st century.</blockquote>

:Only note that the Arabic text in question does not translate the above in full. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:51, 4 December 2009 (CET)

== Aspergers ==

Chris wrote a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Aspergers giant writeup] on Aspergers. Most of it is completely nuts. I get the feeling he's just going to point to this as his "Answer" for all e-mails that dare even mention the word Aspergers.

Given the fixation he has on the topic, I guess we need an article on Aspergers now? Maybe? --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:00, 5 December 2009 (CET)

<s>==Rosechu Fanart==

It says "obviously this needs improvement" as the caption, and then Chris says: "Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it. I've already saw it in an e-mail too, thank you. --ChrisChanSonichu 05:27, 5 December 2009 (CET) ". Did he say something prior to this about it not being good enough or something?</s> Nvm. I missed a sentence in the original email. --[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 23:42, 10 May 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Mailbag 9

2011-05-11T06:42:02Z

Requiempeace:

==Arabic Translation==
Like most stupid Americans, I can't read Arabic, and honestly have no idea if "Arabic" is the proper way to refer to this language.

That said, the following is what you get from copy-pasting that text into the first Google hit for "Arabic to English translator".

:Design, which was dubbed the "myth" and "father of manga comic stories of his workers and the work of other pioneers in this area was a source of inspiration contributed to the emergence of the basic elements on which the anime at the present time. For example, a method of giant robot (known as the "mechanisms" outside Japan) in the mind of Tezuka and developed by Joe Nagai and others became known as the robot Aforqq At the end of the contract itself, the latest creator Yoshiyuki Tomaino a revolution in robot created for the robot Alhakiqicolkd become robot anime series such as "and" string "" of the classics in the eighties of the century Ashreiner The anime "robot" is still one of the most common types of anime in Japan and all over the world Aleomlovi Alosmaninaten

:And successful anime in overseas markets in the same period, met Forums increasing acceptance in these markets in the nineties of the same century, but was even more in the approbation.

I'm sure that's pretty badly distorted. If anyone has a better translation, that would be awesome.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:04, 4 December 2009 (CET)

:My guess is that that's mostly accurate, aside from the places where proper names got transliterated into gibberish. I can read Arabic, but I can't understand Arabic (if that makes sense), so I could at least take a shot at figuring out what those proper names are supposed to be. But I'll hold off for now in case there's somebody out there who actually knows Arabic and can just translate the whole thing correctly. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:10, 4 December 2009 (CET)

::It kinda looks like whoever wrote it just copy-pasted straight from some article on Giant Robot Anime. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:20, 4 December 2009 (CET)

:Excellent call, Beat. I just did a little snooping, and the text comes from the last paragraph of the "History" section of Wikipedia's main article on anime. In full, it reads:

<blockquote>The 1970s saw a surge of growth in the popularity of manga – many of them later animated. The work of Osamu Tezuka drew particular attention: he has been called a "legend" and the "god of manga". His work – and that of other pioneers in the field – inspired characteristics and genres that remain fundamental elements of anime today. The giant robot genre (known as "Mecha" outside Japan), for instance, took shape under Tezuka, developed into the Super Robot genre under Go Nagai and others, and was revolutionized at the end of the decade by Yoshiyuki Tomino who developed the Real Robot genre. Robot anime like the Gundam and The Super Dimension Fortress Macross series became instant classics in the 1980s, and the robot genre of anime is still one of the most common in Japan and worldwide today. In the 1980s, anime became more accepted in the mainstream in Japan (although less than manga), and experienced a boom in production. Following a few successful adaptations of anime in overseas markets in the 1980s, anime gained increased acceptance in those markets in the 1990s and even more at the turn of the 21st century.</blockquote>

:Only note that the Arabic text in question does not translate the above in full. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:51, 4 December 2009 (CET)

== Aspergers ==

Chris wrote a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Aspergers giant writeup] on Aspergers. Most of it is completely nuts. I get the feeling he's just going to point to this as his "Answer" for all e-mails that dare even mention the word Aspergers.

Given the fixation he has on the topic, I guess we need an article on Aspergers now? Maybe? --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:00, 5 December 2009 (CET)

==Rosechu Fanart==

It says "obviously this needs improvement" as the caption, and then Chris says: "Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it. I've already saw it in an e-mail too, thank you. --ChrisChanSonichu 05:27, 5 December 2009 (CET) ". Did he say something prior to this about it not being good enough or something? --[[User:Requiempeace|Requiempeace]] 23:42, 10 May 2011 (PDT)

Axe

2011-05-09T06:44:22Z

Requiempeace:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|left|A can of AXE yesterday.]]
[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|thumb|Chris's self made ad from [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Lynx recover deodorant body spray.jpg|thumb|left|In Britfag Land, Axe is called Lynx.]]
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}

'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.

His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.

==Axe betrays Chris==

Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for [[Xbox]]{{cite}}.

==Axe and the [[Homos]]==

In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos|certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "[[Boyfriend-free girl|the ladies]]", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"

==Does it work?==

No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.
Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|Chris promotes his gay products
Image:Axe en español.jpg|Translated into [[Spanish]] for the convenience of [[homos|maricas]] everywhere.
Image:HeadTripAxe.jpg|How Chris believes Axe should work and how it actually works, Head Trip style.
</gallery>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Axe (grooming product)|Wikipedia article on Axe]]

[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Chris and health

2011-05-07T22:34:38Z

Requiempeace:

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris' [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]
[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or type 2 diabetes.

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of this word]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] (usually with his [[Bob Chandler|father]]) at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took home-ec classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and [[semen|energy drinks]] (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* Lunch: Something quick at home, or fast food, either alone or with his father.
* Dinner: Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly-cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his shit tube]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no vegetables or fruit is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]](Has closed it's doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise. <ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref>Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to get his wish and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he smelled of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[the GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times.

{{clear}}

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, expensive dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}
==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris still being a [[virgin]], and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he isn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an inability to remember faces. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

==Sexual health==

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He doesn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably, thankfully, never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction, which such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent for the rest of his life. His whole good, ten years if he's lucky, life.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

==Sauce==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Lucas

2011-05-07T19:32:15Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:lucasmimms.jpg|thumb|right|Lucas and [[Mimms]] hanging out.]]

'''Lucas''' is one of the frequent patrons of [[The GAMe PLACe]], who has known Chris since middle school.

Christian decided for the subtle approach to indicate he knew Lucas was responsible with the now infamous [[CWC-ism]]: "Well, that's something new you didn't know about 'be-4' about this 'Chan.'"{{cite}} (Please note: Chris's definition of subtlety is the equivalent of smashing someone in the face with a brick.)

The only memory he has of Chris being a decent person is him bringing his Wii to The GAMe PLACe and letting other people play Super Smash Bros Brawl on it. Lucas also once brought his [[Hexbox]] in to play Rockband on, and Chris threw a hissy-fit over it.

{{quote|Thus, my family came in and we found that [[Mimms]] had the camera in question, but he did not take the picture. Then we've suspected Lucas, but we did not question him at the time. But a more obvious expression reply was found by myself, when Saturday March 8, [[2008]], at the Gamestop in [[Wikipedia:Forest Lakes, Chesapeake, Virginia|Forest Lakes]], the Midnight release event of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mimms and I were watching a pair of tournament players brawling; one was playing Donkey Kong. So it brought up to mind my first word being "Monkey", so I told Mimms that. And with a turn around towards the accompanying Lucas, I said in his direction, "Well, that's something new you didn't know about "be-4" about this "Chan". I noticed a look on his face like, "Wow, I can totally wail on that tidbit of information." He said nothing."|Chris, 13 March 2008}}

==See also==
*[[Daniel Mimms]]
*[[Michael Snyder]]
*[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]

{{Template:Stub}}

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

PaRappa the Rapper

2011-05-07T04:56:19Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:Parappa.jpg|thumb|''PaRappa the Rapper'' for the [[PSP]]]]

'''''PaRappa the Rapper''''' is a [[video game]] about a rapping dog named PaRappa ("Parapper the Rapper" or "Parappatherapingdog" according to [[Chris]]) that has appeared on almost all [[Sony]] consoles. The original version, for the first PlayStation, was one of the first popular rhythm action games, played by tapping a set of buttons in sequence along with visual cues and music. The game is also known for its distinctive art style, in which the characters appear to be made of paper.

==PaRappa and Chris==
[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|ChrisChan the Rapper]]]]

In [[2007]], Chris entered a contest called [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], put on by Sony to promote a new PaRappa game. Chris wanted to win in order to take [[Megan]] to Seattle and finally score with her. He [[fail]]ed because of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s accidental trolling and [[CWC is Angry|Chris became very angry]].

Characters from the PaRappa games have not appeared in Chris's [[comic]] to date (although the beanie does,) but in [[2009]] Chris wore a PaRappa hat in rounds [[SingStar Challenge Round 2|2]] and [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|5]] of [[SingStar Challenge]], as well as a PaRappa shirt (saying "I gotta believe!") in the [[11042009 51 50|Over 50 Pounds]] video. The hat would appear in [[Sonichu 10]], when [[Sonichu]] himself dons it. It apparently causes the wearer to turn paper-thin upon donning it, and Sonichu says, "I gotta believe!" right before the performance of [[Revive Zordon]].

Chris's obsession with music games such as ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' can likely be attributed to PaRappa, as he mentioned it extensively in his [[PS3 History Level]].

==External links==
*[http://www.myspace.com/parappatherapingdog Myspace profile Chris created for Parappa.] - Note that he spelled it "[[rape|raping]]" instead of "rapping".
*[[Wikipedia:PaRappa the Rapper|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Wikipedia article]]

[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Fangs

2011-05-07T04:52:16Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:SHOW MAH FANGS!.jpg|center]]
He has them and isn't [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|afraid to show them]].

==The Horror==
Originally assumed to be yellowish as a result of poor [[PSEye|video quality]], Chris's '''fangs''' are more likely yellowing as a result of the copious amounts of [[obesity|soda]] he drinks.<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref> The fact that he has [[Chris and health#Dental health|multiple visible cavities]] seems to support this, although Chris could just be far too lazy to brush his teeth. What is certain is that the inside of his mouth is even more horrifying than the outside.

==Powers==
[[File:Fangs.png|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
Chris revealed his fangs by essentially jamming the camera in his mouth. For some reason he thinks this is an effective method of intimidating his [[Trolls|enemy]]. It works, but for reasons other than Chris had intended. [[The Creepy Stare|Close-ups of Chris's face]] have always caused people to back away in horror. His mouth is no exception. What he intended to demonstrate is uncertain. Perhaps he hoped his tormentors would fear being bitten. Though this scenario has yet to take place, the resulting wound would no doubt [[Chris and health|get infected]] and bestow the recipient with a [[autism|horrifying disease]]. So in that respect, they are kind of scary. Or would be if he weren't too housebound to use them.

Interestingly enough, Chris doesn't actually appear to have any [[wikipedia:Canine tooth|canine]] (also called cuspid) teeth (called "eye-teeth" by Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_18 Issue 10 Page 18] "I HAVE FANGS FOR MY EYE-TEETH"</ref>). Therefore, the whole threat of his fangs are, once again, an enormous [[fail]]ure.

Chris has since upgraded his arsenal to a [[pocket knife]].

==Wisdom Teeth==
Chris has had an operation to remove his wisdom teeth. He keeps them in a jar on top of the [[Megan Shrine]] and also made a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card with them on it. Being the [[Autistic|bizarre]] narcissist that he is, Chris feels the need to immortalize any significant event in his life in some way, be it through short story, comic adaptation, or even custom trading cards. The fact that he finds his removed teeth important enough to think that they would be worth adding to a child's card game says a lot about how rarely Chris leaves his house.

==Appearances==

{{Incomplete}}

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January_8th, 2009]]:'''

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January_15th, 2009]]:'''

* '''[[Sign Destruction Video]]:''' On the 6th of December 2009, Chris threatens [[Vivian Gee|Vivian Gee]] by ripping apart a paper sign left in his yard, and then bites his [[Clown Doll|clown's]] head off with his infected gums. He exposes his yellowed and rotting teeth to the audience, undoubtedly to show off his sugar-encrusted enamel.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0731-Megan Shrine1.JPG|CWC's wisdom teeth seen here guarded by two [[My Little Pony]]s on the top shelf.
Image:151-WisdomTeeth.jpg|So...are the discarded cards wisdom teeth, or…something?
Image:ChrisCavities.JPG|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See Also==
* [[Chris and Anger]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Alcohol

2011-05-07T04:51:23Z

Requiempeace:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Sonichurosey.png|thumb|Ever since getting married to [[Rosechu]], [[Sonichu]] finds that Reeb helps dull the pain.]]

Like [[sex toys|shoving things]] up his ass, '''alcohol''' was something that [[Chris]] used to preach against until he tried it and discovered he loved the pleasant effect.

==Background==
[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Finally Loosened up and flew to Long Island June 12, 2009. '''Keep It Responsible'''; ONLY One in a day, or 7 or less in all in a week. ''(Quote from [[CWCipedia]])'']]
Chris describes alcohol as a "slow-acting poison" in his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]] video. He also touches on the subject during [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], where in line 309, he mentions that he would not go to a singles bar because of it (and cigarettes). When asked about it in [[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]], he stated that it "causes [[Chris and health|liver dysfunction]] and likely [[Anger|bar fights]] and [[6 June 2010|automobile accidents]]".

Chris delivered a particularly effusive tirade in one of his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]:

{{quote|ALSO, I BET YOU PROBABLY SMOKE AND DRINK, don't you? I SPEAK AGAINST THOSE AS WELL SINCE THEY ARE TOOLS TO SPEED YOU TO DEATH WITH CANCER, LIVER PROBLEMS, BAR FIGHTS AND AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENTS. GIVE UP THE HABITS! THEY ARE BEYOND GROSS AND DISGUSTING!|Chris, to Reggie, early in 2009.}}

==Discovery==
Despite this, a hypocritical [[Chris's Big Night Out|video]] of Chris drinking a [[Long Island Iced Tea]] was uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 12 [[June 2009]], perhaps showing us Chris will be willing to throw all his principles out the window when chances of being around a female arise.

At some subsequent point, Chris also discovered cheap beer. Budweiser is apparently his brand of choice, based on eyewitness reports from [[Fridays After Five]] and his account of a trip to a bar prior to visiting [[the GAMe PLACe]] on [[6 June 2010]]. Meanwhile, a [[100 2281|video]] from mid-[[October 2010]] showed Chris slugging Kahlúa liqueur straight from the bottle, although he didn't seem to enjoy it too much.

When a correspondent in [[Mailbag 6]] challenged him regarding his shift in attitude, Chris replied, "I discourage underage drinking fully; I wanted to try it once for myself."

In [[Mailbag 16]], from [[December 2009]], he described his drinking habits in more detail: "I am more of a Social Drinker; I generally do NOT spend a weekly amount on drinks; I only drink at like a party or with a friend on rare ocassions (sic)." (This remark was met with some skepticism from [[trolls]], since based on all the available evidence Chris has no friends who would invite him to parties.)

Even after discarding his original hard-line attitude, though, Chris still found opportunities to get a little preachy regarding the demon liquor. In [[Mailbag 33]], from early [[January 2010]], he remarked, "And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, unresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents." He also, in [[Mailbag 5]], advanced the bizarre theory that drinking while pregnant "CAN PROVOKE [[homos]]exuality in the child."

==Hypocrisy==
The citizens of CWCville themselves, however, are forced to consume only [[CWC Cola]], a cola made with Chris's [[semen|secret ingredient]].

==Chandler family and alcohol==

It is interesting to note that [[Cole Smithey]] mentions that [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|met at a bar and acted like a couple of drunken losers]].

The Chandler family line has a large (unsurprising) history with alcohol. Chris's maternal great-grandfather, Robert Pettis Wynn, "drank heavily and had a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]] during the time he was married. Family stories say [[Bob|he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children]] ...there are others who say he was a moonshiner."<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html</ref>

==In the comic==
[[Image:RealReeb.jpg|thumb|Reeb is the official drink of [[Kick the Autistic]].]]
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|left|A worker at [[4-cent_garbage.com]] downing a relaxing can of Reeb.]]

In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Chris refers to beer in all instances as "Reeb."

At first glance this seems odd, until you realize Chris still thinks Sonichu is targeted towards children (despite the hideous porn and violence), and so, he feels he must censor any mention of alcohol in the comic. This is a common theme in English-translated [[anime]] shows such as ''[[Dragon Ball Z]]'' and ''[[Pokémon]]''.

Possessing or drinking alcohol was also one of the worst crimes to commit in [[CWCville]], and could have led to a $1,500 fine or ten years in prison<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> (the fact that Chris thinks that ten years in prison and a $1,500 fine are interchangeable is indicative of his broader attitude towards [[money]]). It is also interesting to note that this punishment is much more lenient than the CWCville penalty for [[homosexuality]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|Mailbag 31]]</ref> And you thought Chris was intolerant.

In his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video he announced that the prohibition had been repealed. Hopefully this will curb the bootlegging mafiosi who held the city in a grip of pleasant distraction from the horrors of being ruled by Christian Weston Chandler.

"Reeb" is the drink of choice for the drunkards at [[4-cent garbage.com]].
{{clear}}

==Alcoholism?==

It is speculated that Chris's introduction to alcohol held some consequence in his life. As evidenced by the [[Chris's Big Night Out]] videos, Chris's introduction to alcohol was a mostly positive experience for him. His introduction to the drug effects was in conjunction with (as far as our knowledge goes) with his first night enjoying an adult experience Chris was not accustomed to. Alcohol was mentioned briefly in a video shortly after, titled [[I'm Sorry, Dude]]. In this video, Chris makes an offer to treat Logan to drinks; as opposed to his past offers of "coffee or soda" to those whom he wanted to get to know. Alcohol was briefly revisited again on camera in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]], where Chris was seen drinking. Chris's first recorded video where he appeared visibly intoxicated in [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]. Alcohol began a slow and steady progression into Chris's life; this was made obvious in an email to [[Regina]], where he said ''"I've also tasted Mike's Hard Lemonade, Budwiser, Miller, Micolobe ''[Michelob]'', Samual Adams and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour."'' In [[6 June 2010]], Chris revealed that he drives and attempts vehicular assault after drinking.

Alcohol may be contributing to the declining health of Chris. Since his decision to leave the internet and went about seeking real life interaction with other people, Chris has revealed to us that he spends most of his day sitting in bars and playing Nintendo DSi. While once claiming to be a "Social Drinker", it is becoming quite obvious that he is anything but. Christian's childlike perception of the world is most likely deafening his awareness to the substance's advancement of relevancy in his life. At this point, he is most likely turning to alcohol for escapism. "I went over to a bar, and I had a Bud. A bottle of Bud. And I p- and then I played some solitaire on my DS, while I- while I waited to the- uh, while I waited to the hour." It is obvious that with Chris's current loneliness and depression, his alcohol use will yield repercussions in his life.

==Sauces==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]
*[[4-cent garbage.com]], where the workers often drink reeb
*[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]], where the CWCville crime is mentioned
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], where he gives [[Fail|"advice"]] on the subject

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Social life]]

Butt garments

2011-05-07T04:43:31Z

Requiempeace:

'''Butt garments''' is a CWC-ism for diapers. Used to prevent [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].

On 16 April 2009, images of Chris in diapers leaked, with a special shout-out to spas from [[Sonichu (IRC channel)|#sonichu]]. Chris later stated in [[ECV 00095]] that the butt garments were sent to him by a [[troll]]. According to [[Ivy]]'s ghost, [[Barbara]] mistook them for samples of adult diapers sent by Chris's doctor, who had been trying to convince Chris to start wearing them.

Chris hated the idea of wearing diapers, and made multiple attempts to throw out the diapers before Barb caught on and hid them away in her room.

After Ivy found out that Chris was cheating on him with Vanessa Hudgens, one of her friends suggested that he take the photos below to apologize to Ivy. The front reads "TOO HOT FOR COLLECTION," in case you don't want to stare at it for too long. This appears to have been the last time they were ever mentioned. Presumably, they are still sitting around Barbara's bedroom.

He most likely calls them "butt garments" to avoid the embarrassment of wearing diapers, despite the fact that he desperately needs them.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg
Image:HelloSpas.jpg
Image:Ecp00065.jpg
Image:Ecp00066.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]

{{stub}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Plush Breasts

2011-05-07T04:30:33Z

Requiempeace:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:PlushBreasts.jpg|thumb|The Plush Breasts, as available from Spencer's<ref>[http://www.spencersonline.com/product/plush-boobs/ http://www.spencersonline.com/product/plush-boobs/]</ref>]]

Chris's pair of '''Plush Breasts''' is a pillow in shape of human breasts and the color of [[Rosechu]], purchased at the adult novelty store Spencer's.<ref>[[Mailbag 3]]</ref> It normally resides by the right-hand wall of [[Chris]]'s room as one enters the door, next to one of his racks of games and videos, but subtle changes in its orientation over time suggest that Chris has picked it up and used it for… [[Mass Debating|something]].

It first appeared in the middle of [[October 2009]], in the [[War Paint Video]]. Spotting the breasts in Chris's [[YouTube]] rants quickly became a popular pastime among [[trolls]].

While designed to be an adult novelty, something along the lines of a gag gift, there lies a possibility that Chris uses this as a [[sex toy]]. His "BANGIN' YOUR BREASTS" fantasy during the [[Kacey Phone Call]] lends itself to the suspicion that he might be using the plush tits for practice.

The plush breasts played a larger role in [[Pregnant Act]], in which they were used to [[Fail|breastfeed]] [[Lil' Chris|a blue teddy bear]], and a video Chris recorded concerning [[Breast Cancer Awareness]].
{{-}}
==Gallery of appearances==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:PBFBrutalLegends.jpg|An early appearance in Chris's video review of [[Brutal Legend]].
Image:PBFWarPaint.jpg|The breasts (and the [[Megatron pistol]]) in the [[War Paint Video]].
Image:PBFPushups.jpg|Chris's tits look on as Chris's tits jiggle their way through [[30 Push-Ups]].
Image:PBFRedCertifiedDay.jpg|The plush breasts help celebrate the arrival of the [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|copyright certificate]].
Image:Cwcboobs.png|[[Chris Chan Sonichu]] Action Figure!! (Plush Boobs sold separately)
File:TG8.jpg|Seen [[Tomgirl Pictures|here]] actually being used for it's intended purpose as a pillow.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category: Toys]]

PSP of Fail

2011-05-07T04:27:22Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:CWCPSPFAIL.jpg|thumb|right|One of Chris's abominations. Shocking, no? He really has skills with collage.]]

[[Chris]]'s very own '''[[Wikipedia:PlayStation Portable|PlayStation Portable]]'''. In true (and honest) CWC fashion, it is covered with cut-out pictures of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], Chris himself, and the colors yellow and blue (to match the [[S-Chu Ball]]). It was revealed in [[Chris's Big Night Out]], when the cameraman cleverly revealed it from beneath the re-usable [[Target]] bag it was hidden under.

The "decals", if they can even be referred to as such, are not applied directly to the PSP, but rather to an outer protective case. Perhaps Chris is not as [[autism|stupid]] as he acts/appears, and realized he would probably want his PSP free of shitty collages when he finally grows up (which he won't). Or perhaps he just wanted to be able to switch out for different handmade collages.

This relic is unique, because it is the first of Chris's [[comic|projects]] to feature accurate representations of his appearance, rather than his slim n' trim, svelte alter-ego from the comics. Behind Chris there is another decal, part of an overhead view of [[CWCville]]. The [[Sonichu]] decal is somewhat out of the ordinary, being the original Sonichu from [[2000]], rather than his updated [[anime]]-styled appearance from the post-[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] comics.
{{-}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Chris, an [[S-Chu Ball]] and [[Sonichu]]
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg|The [[Chaotic Combo]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Sailor Megtune]]
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg|[[PaRappa the Rapper]] fun
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Chris's Big Night Out]]
*[[Long Island Iced Tea]]
*[[Joshua Martinez]]
*[[PS3]]
*[[Sony]]
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Belt Buckle of Fail

2011-05-07T04:24:53Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:203-SchuRchuLove.jpg|thumb|right|Closeup]]
[[Image:Nicebelt.jpg|left|thumb|Like a true rock star.]]
The '''Belt Buckle of Fail''' is a minor [[Relics of Fail|Relic of Fail]]. As the name suggests, it's a belt buckle of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] pulling [[Rosechu]] along behind him, overlaying a [[homo|pink]] heart in the background.

He most likely made it in an attempt to advertise Sonichu, in hopes that people would look down at his groin area. It is unknown how he made it, but it is most likely laminated and stuck into the buckle like a photo in a picture frame. It's infinitely unclear as to why he chose the color pink for the background. This is hypocrisy on his part because of his [[Homos|homophobia]], and another reason why he's such an obsessive moron. It's merely another piece of Sonichu paraphernalia, except you'd have to be a sick bastard to look at anything within a foot of his [[Duck]], which is why it is not as flaunted, and publicized as the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]].
{{clear}}
{{stub}}
==See Also==
*[[Medallions of Fail]]
*[[Homos]]
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

Pocket knife

2011-05-07T04:19:58Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|How Chris wishes he could use the knife...|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Selfstab.jpg|...and how Chris will use the knife in real life|thumb|right]]
Chris's '''pocket knife''', given to him by the [[Monthly tugboat|powers that be]], is his newest means of threatening the [[trolls]] and anyone else who stands in the way of true love. It is a small, multi-bladed "Swiss Army"-style tool, first seen in videos from early March 2010.

Exactly why Chris believes that anyone would be intimidated by a penknife is a question for the ages.

It's likely that the only reason he chose a blade was because it was cheaper and easier to get than a [[Megatron pistol|gun that didn't turn into a robot]].

It is interesting to note that a blade was [[Liquid Chris|Liquid Chris's]] weapon of choice in [[Sonichu Special 4]]. The irony is probably lost on Chris.

== Use of knife ==
In [[Don't Mess With Me]], after Chris gets (the invisible) [[Clyde Cash]] into a headlock, he tries to take the knife out of his pocket, succeeding only on the second attempt. After fiddling with it for a good three seconds, he manages to get the blade out. He then uses it to slit Clyde's imaginary throat.

In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], he brings it out again. After fiddling with it for a good ''eight'' seconds in a futile attempt to fold out the main cutting blade, he gives up and proceeds to effortlessly take out the corkscrew tool, using it to threaten his new foe, Surfshack Tito.

Chris believes his knife is the cure to all of his troll problems. In his threats to this very [[CWCki]], delivered on 14 March 2010, he claimed that "he is armed," evidently in reference to his new found weapon. Obviously, Chris is overestimating the power of the blade and his competence with it. Were he to actually use it in a fight, the mere act of opening it would give even the slowest opponent ample time to kick him in the [[pickle]]. Not only that, he'd have to travel all around the world to find every major enemy.

There's also the issue that anyone smarter than Chris (read: everyone) is likely able to disarm an obese, laughably inept manchild with a pen knife. Or, you know, the fact that some members of the CWCki have their own weapons, thus meaning that if he tried this, Chris could very well end up getting a load of birdshot in his [[duck]], or facing the business side of a full-length [[Anime|katana]].

== Spotted in ==
*[[Don't Mess With Me]]
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
*[[The MovingForward videos]]
{{Clear}}
==See also==

* [[Fangs]]: Chris's previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Megatron Pistol]]: Chris's other previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Cutco]]: The makers of mediocre, yet more intimidating knives.

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Fangs

2011-05-07T04:13:25Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:SHOW MAH FANGS!.jpg|center]]
He has them and isn't [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|afraid to show them]].

==The Horror==
Originally assumed to be yellowish as a result of poor [[PSEye|video quality]], Chris's fangs are more likely yellowing as a result of the copious amounts of [[obesity|soda]] he drinks.<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref> The fact that he has [[Chris and health#Dental health|multiple visible cavities]] seems to support this, although Chris could just be far too lazy to brush his teeth. What is certain is that the inside of his mouth is even more horrifying than the outside.

==Powers==
[[File:Fangs.png|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
Chris revealed his fangs by essentially jamming the camera in his mouth. For some reason he thinks this is an effective method of intimidating his [[Trolls|enemy]]. It works, but for reasons other than Chris had intended. [[The Creepy Stare|Close-ups of Chris's face]] have always caused people to back away in horror. His mouth is no exception. What he intended to demonstrate is uncertain. Perhaps he hoped his tormentors would fear being bitten. Though this scenario has yet to take place, the resulting wound would no doubt [[Chris and health|get infected]] and bestow the recipient with a [[autism|horrifying disease]]. So in that respect, they are kind of scary. Or would be if he weren't too housebound to use them.

Interestingly enough, Chris doesn't actually appear to have any [[wikipedia:Canine tooth|canine]] (also called cuspid) teeth (called "eye-teeth" by Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_18 Issue 10 Page 18] "I HAVE FANGS FOR MY EYE-TEETH"</ref>). Therefore, the whole threat of his fangs are, once again, an enormous [[fail]]ure.

Chris has since upgraded his arsenal to a [[pocket knife]].

==Wisdom Teeth==
Chris has had an operation to remove his wisdom teeth. He keeps them in a jar on top of the [[Megan Shrine]] and also made a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card with them on it. Being the [[Autistic|bizarre]] narcissist that he is, Chris feels the need to immortalize any significant event in his life in some way, be it through short story, comic adaptation, or even custom trading cards. The fact that he finds his removed teeth important enough to think that they would be worth adding to a child's card game says a lot about how rarely Chris leaves his house.

==Appearances==

{{Incomplete}}

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January_8th, 2009]]:'''

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January_15th, 2009]]:'''

* '''[[Sign Destruction Video]]:''' On the 6th of December 2009, Chris threatens [[Vivian Gee|Vivian Gee]] by ripping apart a paper sign left in his yard, and then bites his [[Clown Doll|clown's]] head off with his infected gums. He exposes his yellowed and rotting teeth to the audience, undoubtedly to show off his sugar-encrusted enamel.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0731-Megan Shrine1.JPG|CWC's wisdom teeth seen here guarded by two [[My Little Pony]]s on the top shelf.
Image:151-WisdomTeeth.jpg|So...are the discarded cards wisdom teeth, or…something?
Image:ChrisCavities.JPG|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See Also==
* [[Chris and Anger]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Donald Duck impersonation

2011-05-07T04:05:06Z

Requiempeace:

[[Image:Chris Donald.jpg|thumb|What Donald Duck would probably look like had Chris's impersonation manifested.]]

{{quote|Break the Ice with a joke: try not to use an [[Twin Falling Towers|offensive joke]]. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ Donald Duck. Quack! Quack!|Dating tips from the guru, ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews7.htm</ref>.}}

[[Image:180px-Dolan original.gif|thumb|Everything went worse than expectations]]
{{quote|I... oh my God, I'm shaking. '''What''' was that voice? Th- that was Hell...|[[Clyde Cash]]<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref>}}

[[Chris]] is pretty good at '''impersonating Donald [[Duck]].''' That is, a [[autism|deranged]], syphilitic, crack-addicted Donald Duck that will only show up in your darkest nightmares. Although unlikely, some [[trolls]] maintain that when he worked at [[Wendy's]], he was actually fired for doing this impersonation. Since it might have been one of many grievances that Chris's former employers had, there might be some truth to this claim.

This impression is an achievement of which Chris is extremely proud. He even goes so far as to mention it in casual conversation, and [[Dating education|suggests other people to use it when hitting on women]]. Apparently, in Chris's mind, chicks dig terrifying impersonations of Disney characters. But then again, this is a tamer piece of the usual [[honest content]] that he subjects women to. He probably misunderstood some advice suggesting that showing off one's talents is a good way to get a girl's attention, so Chris believes that he has a talent for impersonation. This might impress a ten-year-old, but will not entice [[china]].

Disturbingly, Chris has also been known to do this impersonation whilst [[Mass debating|masturbating]].

==The impersonation==
Chris's horrific impersonation appeared in a conversation with [[Clyde Cash]] on 6 [[February 2009]].
Skip to 9:20 to hear it.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|JL142aijRtY}}</center>
Skip to 0:28 to hear it.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|dBujZWP8K9U}}</center>

==Chris talks to ducks==
Chris mentioned that he talked to ducks in a park when [[Megan]] stood him up on their "date", implying that he used the same Donald Duck imitation routine to break the language barrier.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2005-2006]]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Duck]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]

Da Update (CWC-ism)

2011-05-07T04:01:01Z

Requiempeace:

:''This page is a definition of the [[CWC-ism]] "da update." To see what da update (the most recent [[fail]] Chris is responsible for) is, see [[Template:Da update|here]]''

<center>[[Image:Cwcwhatdaupdate.jpg|300px|border]]</center>

Dialogue used by Christian, in an exceedingly awkward attempt to sound laid-back and hip (with a Goku-get-em attitude), in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. As Chris's [[trolls|fans]] have searched the internet for the latest news from our hero, "da update" has become shorthand for "the latest failure Chris has committed."

==History==

The phrase became legendary when posted above the Chris-chan talk page on [[ED]]. Eventually the page was locked, forcing mass migration to the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]].

{{stub}}

{{Timeline}}
 
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Chronology]]

Kitchen

2011-05-07T03:41:29Z

Requiempeace:

{{Honest}}

[[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]. '''Chris's kitchen''', located on the second floor of [[14 Branchland Court]], is a disgusting cesspool full of rotten food, boxes of old crap, and no doubt a few gallons of autistic navy from many a sex chat. Chris has said that there is no room to make any sort of food, except for meals that can be heated up in the oven or microwave.

Chris's [[Computers|computer]] is located here, and he has shot a few videos in this place, including various videos of him masturbating.

== Items in Chris's Kitchen ==
[[File:CWCmassdebate.jpg|250px|thumb|What normally goes on in the kitchen.]]
The following items are present in Chris's kitchen:

* [[Chris]].
* [[Christmas]] decorations (including a tree) that are left to stew year round and most likely have been there since the Chandlers moved in.
* Various pots and pans.
* Disposable fast food drink containers piled up on top of plates.
* A mountain of presumably unwashed dishes and cookware covering almost half the window. The giant mound spills out past the window and well around the corner of the bench. No space to prepare food is visible.
* One perfectly cylindrical object emblazoned with a Mountain Dew label.
* Plastic bags, some apparently still containing matter.
* Two chairs or movable set of drawers, both covered in junk.
* A potted plant sits atop the cupboard. Due to its healthy, uniform bright green color despite living in a trash heap on a high shelf with no access to sunlight or water, [[trolls|top men]] are certain it is fake.
* Paper plates still smeared with some kind of off-yellow food are clearly visible sitting near the two fast-food drink containers atop a mountain of rubbish. Could be an overflowing bin.
* A purple box of tissues right beside/behind the microwave in the far left corner.
* Various knick-knacks on a small shelf obscure another part of the window; coupled with Mount Trash-heap, this almost completely obscures the window.

== List of videos filmed here ==
Presumably, almost all of Chris's IRC chats and webcam/VOIP conversations took place in the kitchen, save for a few that employed only his [[PS3]]. He has also ventured out of his room to record several videos in front of the computer in the kitchen.

*25 September 2008: the [[Chris Sex Videos]]. Chris performs various bizarre dances, strips and jerks off in front of a webcam for [[PandaHalo]].
*3 November 2009: [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. While the bulk of this video takes place in a [[LittleBigPlanet]] level, Chris recorded a brief preface in his kitchen.
*24 December 2009: the [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital]]. Chris expresses his sympathies for the ailing Columbine killers.
*31 December 2009: the [[Address to my Cwcipedia SysOp]]. Chris complains about the ads on his [[CWCipedia]] and wallows in the delusion that he has any control over the site.
*31 May 2010: [[100 2189]]. Chris announces his abandonment of the CWCipedia while insisting that he still owns the rights to Sonichu.
*15 October 2010: [[100 2281]]. Chris sips from a bottle of liqueur and gibbers at [[Jackie]]'s boyfriend Lars in wigger dialect.
*18 October 2010: [[Breast Cancer Awareness]]. Chris stuffs his [[plush breasts]] under his shirt and discusses the dangers of breast cancer.

{{places}}

{{stub}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]

PlayStation blog

2011-05-07T03:36:28Z

Requiempeace:

'''Playstation Blog''' is a place where important [[PS3|Playstation]] people talk about random crap. Chris has been annoying other people in the comment sections with his complaints using his [[Sonichu]] and CChan accounts.

== Comments ==

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> June 15th, 2007 at 1:46 am

I’ve just download [[Wikipedia:Go! Puzzle|Go Puzzle]] for my [[PS3]], and on the ONLINE MULTIPLAYER function, while my opponent is able to play on their half, my game CURSOR is unable to move. No matter how much I press my D-Pad or push my Analog Stick, IT WILL NOT MOVE. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!! Also, in the “Lobby”, when I am prompted to “X” the “Ready?” icon, I can’t seem to be able to, no matter how much I press my “X” button.

WHAT IS THE DEAL?!!! WHY ME?!!!
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> August 6th, 2007 at 8:03 pm

I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]] at
http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms.

Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.

I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating [[Adam Stackhouse|adamstackhouse]], or do I believe the [[Honest]], [[Autism|Autistic]] CWCSonichu?
}}

{{quotebox|
CChan <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 3rd, 2008 at 1:18 am

It’s good to know you’re fixing 2.40; I have a complaint to register. I’ve had no trouble installing it, but after installing the Update, I look up the video files I have saved on my external hard drive and not only does it TAKE LONGER for the PS3 to read the files to list them, but it digs deep into each one and adds a “Title” to the file’s information, which is its ORIGINAL BIRTH-CREATED Filename; not the name I dubbed the file. Originally, it would Sort via the latest filename; it now sorts via ORIGINAL Filename; IT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS.

As long as you’re fixing the Update; Fix the Video File Reading capability back to the way it was.

Christian W. Chandler
PSN ID: Sonichu
}}

{{quotebox|
CChan <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 3rd, 2008 at 1:20 am

P.S.

After fixing 2.40, you may want to rename it to 2.41, so those of us who did receive the Update, our PS3s can pick up on the patch.
}}

{{quotebox2|
Sentry <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 3rd, 2008 at 1:26 am

@ 485

If the problem is really bricking PS3′s (lol sorry), then it should be named 2.45, its worthy of the jump don’t ya think? :P
}}

{{quotebox|
CChan <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 8th, 2008 at 3:14 am

I hope y’all were able to fix the Gear-Grinding Video File-reading glitch.
}}

{{quotebox2|
DarkGeneral88 <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 8th, 2008 at 3:38 am

@165

Why? Is it so problematic to go and install it yourself?

I can give a few reasons why it’s a bad idea

1. Time restraints I download them in the morning before work I don’t want to have to wait till they install before I can leave to turn it off and I don’t want it on all day. (Minority agreement probably)

2. I like the download in background feature and I don’t want that taken away. Installs can not be performed in the background and if it downloads the installs automatically we can’t have that feature anymore plus we could only be able to download one at a time because there would be conflicts. (Majority probably agree)

3. I don’t like bloated code which would just add needless lines of code which means more code more chance of bugs, which is never good even if you could toggle it off. Plus I don’t know how much space they have in flash but I don’t want that to take up room so they don’t have room for important usefull things.
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> August 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 am

In my humble opinion, about the Video on the PSN Store, I would like…

-Shows from BBC America, such as “Keeping Up Appearances”, “Are You Being Served”, “Open All Hours”, “As Time Goes By”, “Last of the Summer Wine”, “My Family”, “Barbara”, “Sorry”, “Thin Blue Line”, “Of Fools and Horses”, and of course, “[[Monty Python]]’s Flying Circus”.

-ALL the “[[Family Guy]]” episodes (Fill In the Blanks for EVERY SEASON), Stewie’s “Untold Story” Movie, “Blue Harvest”, and future “Family Guy” movies/specials.

-Complete “American Dad” and “[[Futurama]]” Seasons and movies.

-All Rentals staying playable for a WEEK after First Playback (two weeks max with no playback is fine).

-More Disney shows and movies (“Brandy & Mr. Whiskers”, “The Buzz on Maggie”, “[[Lizzie McGuire]]” and Classic Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy and Minnie Mouse shorts in B/W and Color).

Also, for the PSN Store Game area; I’ve noticed in other countries, there are 3 or 4 Additional Add-On Content for [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]; why didn’t they make the U.S.? I WANT THEM.

Sincerely
Christian Weston Chandler
PSN ID: Sonichu
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> December 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 am

I’m not sure, but I think it true from my Point of View, but did the Update Increase Memory Capacity, because usually when I update my [[Little Pig Blanket|LBC1 Level]], I CONSTANTLY receive a “Your Profile Can’t Be Saved” Message, usually due to LARGE-Capacity Level or HUGE amounts of downloaded objects and stickers, and now I’m not getting that message as much?
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> December 22nd, 2008 at 11:50 am

never mind; I’ve learned the hard way that was not the case.

BUT IT SHOULD BE A PRIORITY in a future Patch; UPGRADE MEMORY CAPACITY for a Profile to fit the Greatest Size and number of Custom Levels, as well as the Infinite Number of Downloadable Objects and Stickers.
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> July 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Hey, the [[Street Fighter]] Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.
}}

{{quotebox|
Sonichu <nowiki>|</nowiki> March 16th, 2010 at 9:11 am

I have one complaint; I just got the U.E. of G.O.W. III, and I had reserved it at Gamestop, so I got a code for the Phantom of Chaos Skin as well. And I got acode from 7-Eleven for the Morpheus Skin.

The codes Worked for Morpheus Skin, Challenge of Exile Arenas/Dominus Skin and Unearthing the Legend.

But I am still getting the Error Message for the Phantom of Chaos Skin, ad the G.O.W. Trilogy and Blood and Metal Soundtracks.

When will tose two items be up, so my Two Codes for them can finally Function and I can have them?

Please let it be TODAY!

PSN: Sonichu
}}

== Links ==

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/06/14/ps3-firmware-upgrade-181-coming-tomorrow/comment-page-4/#comment-2180

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/02/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/#comment-14709

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2008/07/02/firmware-v240-status/comment-page-10/#comment-79605

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2008/07/07/ps3-system-software-update-v241/comment-page-4/#comment-82563

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2008/08/01/playstation-store-video-content-update/comment-page-3/#comment-94785

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2008/12/19/sack-it-to-me-the-holiday-edition/comment-page-3/#comment-141891

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496

http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/03/16/god-of-war-iii-out-today/comment-page-2/#comment-366547

{{stub}}

{{The Internet}}

List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

2011-05-07T03:34:16Z

Requiempeace:

{{Honest}}

{{quote|As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.|[[Jackie E-mails 6|Chris explaining the origins of his anal fixation]]}}

'''[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has shoved many things up his ass''' for [[Sex|sexual pleasure]] (and in [[Julie Reveals Herself|one instance]], because he was being "blackmailed"). Many adults, even STRAIGHT adults, have done this, and it isn't necessarily a weird thing, but in Chris's case it's particularly funny because he happens to be an insanely [[Homos|homophobic]] [[Virgin with Rage]]. For a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such heinous, homoerotic acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted [[Trolls|gal-pals]] for him to confidentially reveal the True and Honest graphic details of his anal experiences.

Even though he already has fecal incontinence, one can only imagine what wonders this does for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine [[Pickles|what items]] he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

==Things Chris has shoved up his ass==
*[[Dildo]] (with a condom on, later destroyed in an attempt to prove his straightness)<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref>
*[[Anal beads]] (ended up "covered in poo" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work)<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>
*[[Medallions#Mark_2|Sonichu Medallion]] (broken into pieces first, done under [[stress|duress]] because a 13 year-old told him to)<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref>
*[[Chris and Health#Hygiene|His fingers]] (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation)<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

==Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love==
*A fake dick ("I would take that in for her.")<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref>
*Strap-on dildo (as long as it's NOT dick-shaped because that would be gay)<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

==What does the future hold for Christian's anus?==
Will shoving so many things up his ass cause some kind of damage to his sphincter or have any kind of negative effect on the functionality of his asshole? Only time will tell...

{{stub}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

CWC Fighter

2011-05-07T03:16:38Z

Requiempeace:

[[File:Tinychunli.jpg|thumb|150px|This Chun-Li can beat the living crap out of Chris.]]
"'''CWC Fighter'''" is a video from 18 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris Chan]] shows us his martial arts moves.

==Video==

{{quote|Watch It, I have a little [[Wikipedia:Chun-Li|Chun-Li]] within me.|Official description}}

[[Image:Chrischunlee.jpg|thumb|Watch it, he has a little Chun-Li within him.]]

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Fighter
| image = {{#ev:youtube|IXMP1XmD-cg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Shirt = [[Image:redshirt.png]] Red shirt
| previous = [[Light_His_Mind's_Darkest_Hour| Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]
| next = [[One_Blessing,_and_One_Curse| One Blessing, and One Curse]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
[''A camera is pointed at the back of Chris's [[Son-chu|blue stationwagon]] parked in the [[14 Branchland Court|yard]]. A riding [[Father Call|lawnmower]] is visible. Chris walks into the frame, [[Chris and fashion|dressed]] in a bright red T-shirt with an undersized denim vest and blue jeans. He also wears his [[Medallion of fail|Sonichu medallion]]. He stands, legs apart, hands clasped in front of him, eyes closed as if in prayer. He is possibly [[Chris and religion|invoking]] some kind of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|ungodly power]]. He brings his hands to his sides, and with a crazed look he swings his right arm backwards. Aiming to either side of his body, he makes an upwards, poking motion with his left hand, then his right. His fingers are fully extended. He does the same thing, except straight ahead. He punches the air and twirls around, his back to the camera. He makes an awkward spinning kick and recovers ungracefully. He kicks at the air with his other leg, arms akimbo and head cocked to one side. He takes a step back and does two pitiful punching motions aimed at nowhere in particular. He attempts an uppercut and fails horribly at it, vaguely resembling a [[Chris Loses It|wounded animal]]. Chris punches some more air in random directions, but with much, much less force than when he started 20 seconds ago. Chris crouches down and does a very, very slow spinning kick where that looks particularly ineffectual. Chris returns to the camera, flashes a victory sign, and states:'']

I've got a little Chun-Li, withiiiiin me.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = FALCCCCCCCCCONNNNNNN CHRIS
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GS_z-kM64rM}}
| Stardate = 20 [[August 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/puppetchaos puppetchaos]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Ballet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YKXtDWOuL4U}}
| Stardate = 21 [[August 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ohhhmyaxels OhhhMyAxels]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = ?????
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = SUPER CWC FIGHTER 2 ALPHA: THE THIRD STRIKE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Uy2z-fi9yec}}
| Stardate = 10 [[September 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PhallusKnifeFight PhallusKnifeFight]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan can swim.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vSkP9E_6bMw}}
| Stardate = 25 [[May 2010]]
| Maker = TheMammothWasHere
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sMT5Xb6IshE}}
| Stardate = 14 March 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| Subject = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CCR: Chris Chan Revolution
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bVkzCzTh-7o}}
| Stardate = 5 October 2010
| Maker = GoldPlatedDildo
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = DDR Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Nothing Keeps the Troll Hunter Down
| video = {{#ev:youtube|q6Q96v5eP0Y}}
| Stardate = 27 [[November 2010]]
| Maker = TheHunterOfTrolls
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Our new enemy?
}}

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Chan Lee|Wikipedia article on Chris Chan Lee]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]|nextlink=[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}
{{Power videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-18]]