CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and the law

2018-09-11T04:49:15Z

Res: /* Chris's parents and law */

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[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps a watchful eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal his already-stolen characters.]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[china]] and a weapon with which to threaten his real and supposed enemies.

As of 2017, Chris has six misdemeanors – three from hitting [[Michael Snyder]] with his car, one from macing the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]] and two from failing to acquire proper tags for his dogs.

2018 adds a new misdemeanor to the list – what is essentially trespassing after being forbidden from the premises. Details are currently developing – Chris appeared in court on 30 March for this charge and is scheduled to return on 3 July. [[List of places that have banned Chris|Take your guesses as to which place made the charge]].

Virginia is under a [[Wikipedia:Three-strikes law|three-strikes law]] – which usually means if someone is brought in a third time for a felony/misdemeanor, the sentence, if found guilty, are more severe than usual (in some states, the sentence is life in prison). The rules for this law vary by the states the impliment it, some having several "Three Strikes" laws. Seeing as how Chris has served only a small amount of jail time despite several misdemeanors, he may not fall under this category. But, since the law in Virginia seems to say a third time ''violent'' offenders will receive harsh sentencing (and Chris appears to have two – hitting Michael and pepper-spraying), only time will tell when he will strike again.

Ironically, in Chris's birth year of 1982, Virginia passed a law that would protect citizens from dangerous repeat offenders. Unfortunately, they could not protect Michael from being run over, the Yellow Shirt Foe from being pepper-sprayed, and countless innnocent women from being stalked and harassed – all things Chris has done.

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]]'s usual solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously [[naïve]] at worst. Chris legitimately believes trolling is illegal. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-President [[George W. Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun. 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact the former President, [[Barack Obama]], to stop people from posting gay ads on the CWCipedia. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life''.<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting hanky-panky]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit – while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking one cigarette]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for those who enforce the law:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor – or at least accepting – of gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, we'll likely never know.

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray a quick spritz on his chest without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Walmart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent, when in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==
The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On [[Twin Falling Towers|11 September]] [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After 2 hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

5 days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as]] [[CWC is Angry|a dartboard]] – still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|3 new videos]] posted after an 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused Mike of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (like pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Mike did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PlayStation 3]] and numerous children's [[toys]].

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and 2 misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''3rd'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe, although all charges were reduced to misdemeanors upon sentencing.

As a direct result of his 28 October 2011 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and [[Barb|his mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===
[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On 12 [[April 2012]], Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he "found her on the backpage", most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone shut down by the FBI that also solicited prostitutes – Chris's prostitute was codenamed [[Mia Hamm]], as seen on the website. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdemeanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 April 2012, Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris bolted once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing a [[HEXbox]] One display at a Walmart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

===2015===
Thoughout most of 2015 Chris behaved himself, presumably because his sojourn to the jailhouse was fresh in his memory. His punishment for the pepper spray incident was eventually decided (after '''seven''' hearings) in October – a very light sentence of a three-figure fine and a six-month prison sentence that he won't have to serve unless he breaks the law again during probation.

===2016===
<center><gallery>
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>

On July 1 of this year, Chris finally paid his $541.00 fine from his 2014/2015 court hearing. His probation also appears to have ended earlier in the year in April.

In August, Chris was fined $121 by Greene County for two charges, each misdemeanors, of failing to acquire dog tag and rabies licenses for his dogs.

In November, Chris made several death threats against President [[Pmurt|Trump]]. He is blissfully unaware that threatening the President or President-elect is one of the few restrictions on freedom of speech in America, and could land Chris with a fine and/or up to five years in prison.

===2017===

In June, Chris was sued by Mariner Finance for failing to pay his debt.<ref>[[:File:Mariner Finance vs Chris.png]]</ref> He appeared in court on 24 August; his case was dismissed on August 24.

===2018===
[[File:Trespass case 2018.png|thumb|200px|The March 2018 trespass case.]]
In March, Chris was charged with Trespass after Forbidden,<ref>[[:File:Christine Chandler Trespass After Forbidden charge, 23 March 2018.png]]</ref> a misdemeanor count. The offense occurred on 23 March and was filed under the Albemarle Traffic/Criminal Court. A hearing was set for 30 March, which was continued to 8 May, to 5 June, to 3 July and finalized on 6 July.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/3-23-18-trespass-after-forbidden-charge.40933/</ref> Chris is represented by a public defender.

According to a Kiwi Farms user who had purchased [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|a paid request video]] from Chris, the trespass case was discussed over eBay private messaging, in which Chris purportedly stated:<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/3-23-18-trespass-after-forbidden-charge.40933/page-30#post-3220310</ref>

{{quotebox|The manager of [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|the mall]] threw a damned, Late Trespassing notice against me while I was there a few weeks ago. That is all; caught me in a trap like at the PLace, except I didn't go to freaking jail, okay?}}

On 6 July 2018, the case was marked with a Final Disposition of "Other", with no apparent sentencing or fine given. However, the case resumed on 14 August 2018, which was continued on 28 August and is set to continue on 11 September.

==Chris's parents and law==
It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to ''sue the school for restraining him''.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but as usual never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion, she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese establishment the food came from. When it turned out to be [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]], she dropped the subject.
* When Barb and Bob had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, Bob and Barb claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal". This came after threatening to sue Mimms and Lucas for doing exactly that.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob will not countenance the idea that an individual can be prohibited from private property, saying, "it's a business place," which has absolutely no bearing on private property laws.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, an extremely foolish crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, her bad health and her hopeless, dependent clod of a son seem to have helped elicit her some clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and served a two-year probation.

<center><gallery>
File:Barb discover bank result.png|Discover Bank vs Barb
File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
</gallery></center>

*On 19 [[February 2016]], Barb was sued by Discover Bank for unpaid debt. The judgement stated that she owed $4,706.93 and $56 in court costs.
*On 4 [[August 2016]], Barb was sued by Capital One Bank for the same reason. She owed $15,906.99, plus $56 in court costs.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
Chris believes the police in real life are corrupt, and sees them in the same light as he sees the Jerkops in his comic- the Jerkops act as a stand-in for police who wronged him, and are portrayed as being impostors with no legal authority (probably indicating that Chris does not recognize real policemen as legitimate authority). In light of these things, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris inexplicably portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris orated about a law he wanted made in order to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using the ad space he paid for:

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris}}

As one can see, Chris is seeking the direct intervention of the president of his country and beseeching him to [[Chris and reality|outlaw advertisements he doesn't like.]] Aside from the fact that Obama himself couldn't have done anything about this, the fact is that Chris was mandated by law to display the ads Jack paid to display. Chris should have written to his congressman about this rather than the president, but either way he would have received no response.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|More than a decade ago]], she put a stop to Chris [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting sex]] on her campus. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|War ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his behaviour]]. Six years later, in [[2009]], Chris decided it was time to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Her reaction was to file a trespassing notice. Chris disastrously believed that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to sender, he wasn't liable for it.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref> Thankfully, Chris didn't trespass again.

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, presumably disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two, he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings (purely for his own benefit of course), thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

In the aftermath of distancing himself from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. The details are unknown, but Chris essentially wants to make so that online, nobody can ever speak negatively of anybody else under threat of prosecution. There do exist laws against cyber-crime and online harassment but these laws vary by country (and concern rather more serious deeds than drawing [[Rosechu]] with a dick), and so even if Chris's law were somehow implemented federally, only his fellow USA residents would actually be held accountable. Chris is failing to comprehend that people besides Americans use the internet, or worse, assuming the entire world can be held to the USA's laws.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
The law, such as it is, in the comics is a horrifying totalitarianism where anybody anywhere is subject to the whims of a dictator. In CWCville, Chris is "mayor" (read: god-king) and has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a US$1,500 fine (which Chris [[Chris and money|considers an equally bad punishment]]. CWCville has its own currency (despite being nothing more than a small city) and why fines are levied in USD is unknown.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Importing tobacco or alcohol incurs a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus often congregate to "protest" for women's rights. These protests usually involve nudity and/or pornography. They campaign for basic, archaic things like eligibility to vote, suggesting Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

It is never clear whether or not CWCville is legally a part of the United States (and thus subject to its federal laws), as Chris characteristically sends mixed messages a lot – some things are distinctly American (the aforementioned USD fines, for instance), but CWCville has its own currency and its own set of "laws", the likes of which would never be permitted in a developed or even undeveloped country, even if CWCville were some sort of Vatican-like sovereign state. The only arrangement that makes even the slightest amount of sense is that CWCville is just that – a sovereign state, on US soil. Chris doesn't seem to have thought this out though, and evidently believes the mayor of a town is legally entitled to act as an authoritarian dictator.

As a mayor, Chris does nothing bureaucratic, ever, and makes [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the paperwork (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight".

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] in the series and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and violent anarchy. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> Add this to the fact that Chris cannot be deposed as mayor ("there [[Chris and English|is]] no elections") and the fact that the police and a fleet of superpowered goons obey literally anything Chris demands of them, and it paints a very frightening picture. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service".<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

Even though Chris's deranged laws exist only within his city-state-country-whatever of CWCville, he exacts his deranged fury unto people whether they're actually in his jurisdiction or not. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] shows four distinct crimes committed outside of CWCville: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Chris may be able to commit murder without being reprimanded, but of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, Chris was told that [[Jamsta]] Sonichu had been put on trial for molesting [[Punchy]]. Chris didn't want Jamsta to suffer in jail like he had, so he tried using his psychic powers to talk to the [[CWCville]] judge to convince him to release Jamsta, regardless of the crime he had committed. Idea Guy informed him that the judge was unconvinced since Chris was no longer mayor, so Chris then turned his attention to the jurors. This worked, but sparked a city-wide riot.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>

Were it not obvious by now, any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) creator god.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

Sonichu 12

2018-09-11T04:19:29Z

Res:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12
| cover = SchuComic12-5CoverEdit.jpg
| coverdate = 21 [[May 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 16 [[October 2017]]
| pagecount = 118
| episodes = 24.5, 25, 26
| previous = [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
}}

[[File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg|thumb|Alternate cover.]]

'''''Sonichu'' #12''' is the 13th issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. After Chris restarted work on ''Sonichu'' #11, which he completed in [[June 2017]], ''Sonichu'' fans were reassured that they would get to see the completion of this issue. It was finished on 16 October.

The song lyrics Chris wrote in this comic was performed in [[Love is Love|a collaborative effort between him and a boy band]].

==Early projections==
It was not clear what this issue would contain, as ''Sonichu'' #11 was itself in creative limbo for years. Chris has said that the second or third part will complete the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas special]] begun in ''Sonichu'' #11,<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 February 2010]]</ref> though given the date of that statement, and the apparent drift away from the Christmas special by the end of #11, Chris's plans may have changed significantly.

On 9 [[April 2010|April 2010]], [[Count Graduon]] was mentioned to play an important part in the issue, along with [[Metal Sonichu]].

==Episode 25: "To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…"==
On 21 [[May 2017]] Chris finally uploaded a scan of the front page, and more uncolored pages. The first episode promises to deal with [[Robbie Sonee]]'s thoughts about his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], perhaps as an expression of Chris's own, though this comes across as oddly redundant given that Chris's transition to "Christine" was already expounded upon in ''Sonichu'' #11.

The title of the episode is nonsense, with Chris presumably lifting the "''to be or not'' to be" soliloquy in Hamlet (though likely through general cultural awareness [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|rather than actually reading it]] and then throwing in an apparent misspelling of "not" as "naught" (actually an archaic synonym for "nothing/zero"), which makes no apparent sense.

[[Sonichu chronology|Early 2009]]. [[Robbie Sonee]] finds himself troubled; wondering why he dislikes [[Sonichu 10|violent media]] when other [[JERKS|males]] categorically do. He seeks advice from his sisters [[Cera Rosechu]] and [[Christine Rosechu]], his parents, Chris himself, and the internet, but to no avail. Still seeking answers, he consults [[Magi-Chan]] about his future, but Magi-Chan refuses to divulge anything, notionally to avoid depriving Robbie of a proper experience. Magi-Chan then immediately defeats the purpose of this restraint by telling Robbie that he possesses a "female soul." Accordingly, Robbie comes to the conclusion that he is a lesbian transwoman. He formalizes his newfound identity by coming out to his sisters, declaring his intention to transition completely as soon as he evolves and adopt the name Roberta Sonichu. Christine and Cera unconditionally accept Robbie as their little sister, pulling her up into a hug and telling her that they love her and they're proud of her -- prompting her to evolve in their arms. Chris concludes this sentimental scene by having Roberta ejaculate on her sister's carpet.

Donning a new outfit slapped together by Christine, Roberta then heads to the top of [[Magi-chan]]'s police state surveillance tower. To help her transition along, Magi-chan offers her a [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] binaural beat CD (the same kind that [[Un-clit_2.0 | served Chris so well]]) and reckons that the entire process should take about two months. Roberta offhandedly mentions that she also begins conventional hormone therapy, though this is rendered somewhat redundant as she magically sprouts double-D breasts and a penis that shrinks and splits into a new vagina. At the end of June, Magi-chan "examines" her telepathically, treating the reader to a nightmarish 3-D shot of her organs. He proclaims her transformation complete while also reminding her to continue taking her meds until the doctors instruct her to stop; Chris seemingly unaware that hormone therapy is generally a lifetime undertaking (and Roberta was magically transformed into a female anyway).

After receiving a "life trophy" for her transition, Roberta lists off her dating experiences, from the unfortunately named Vulva Pie (a creation of [[Jackie]]'s who was dragged into hiding along with her creator) on to Mimi (a random character and star of the [[Commissions#The_Flufflehugs_Commissions|Flufflehugs commissions.]]) The narration jumps ahead to Roberta performing (apropos of nothing) a Sonic Rainboom, a phenomenon Chris stole from My Little Pony, by running on the sky clad in a garish Rainbow Dash costume from the previous Halloween, all while her sisters film it. She succeeds, creating a rainbow that implausibly stretches across the entire United States.

The episode ends with Roberta addressing the reader with a wandering spiel about tomgirls and female souls, and proclaiming that she is loved and loves herself.

==Episode 26: Prideful==

September 12, 2009. The episode starts ''in medias res'' with Chris in his new female Sonichu form locked in an intense battle against Reldnahc while delivering a long, incoherent internal monologue on the nature of love and hatred. The narration skips back to earlier in the day, where the main cast (and any number of shoddily drawn Cwcville citizens) attend the first Annual SLGBTQ Pride festival at Cwcville Park. Attractions include burgers and pop, "pride bracelets, knick knacks and lots of rainbows," and largely untouched "Banasaur figures". Jamsta and Lolisa broadcast live from their booth and loudly flaunt their heterosexual sex life, while Angelica meets with [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"]] and thanks him for his large donation.

Meanwhile, Chris along with Crystal and the hedgehogs gather on a blanket in the grass. Chris regales everyone with a loquacious account of his psychic training with Magi-chan and Silvana, which is met with fawning praise. They are interrupted by the return of Sonichu and Rosechu's brood, Zapina, and Sandy, who come bearing some tat they bought at the stalls. They begin distributing it as gifts, while Cera bores everyone with an account of their acquisition, replete with ham-fisted references to lesbianism. They also receive a surprise visit from Chris's self-spawned children, Cynthia and Russel. The twins hug their "mama" with wagging tails and tell him they miss him, and he negligently brushes them off with an "awww!" It's at that this point that Heather Iglesias, their caretaker, appears in the comic for the first time (despite her token lesbianism having become dilute now, to say the least). After greeting the group with a string of broken English and incorrect Spanish, she removes the children.

Several more characters appear; first [[Patti-Chan|Patti]], then [[Darkbind]] with [[Zelina]]. Finally, [[Reldnahc]] appears, shocked that Chris is now Christine. He accosts Chris, announcing that apparently the gay vaccine failed to work on him for some reason. He explains that shortly after Naitsirhc was teleported to [[Kel|Kel's]] cabin in Sonichu #10, he began to long for the power the black Sonichu medalion gave him while also developing an attraction to other men. One morning, he woke up, discovered that he'd fully turned back into Reldnahc and decided to abandon Kel.

Returning to CWCville, Reldnahc claims that he was living in an old, abandoned house because he didn't want to use a Soup Hotel, then immediately contradicts himself by admitting that he was in fact going to Soup Hotels for his meals (and once again, referencing [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"'s donation]]). Somehow unable to locate the address and phone number of the town's mayor, he had no option but to go to the pride festival to see if Chris would be there on a "mayoral chore". Having found Chris at last, Reldnahc unleashes a textwall of perfectly valid complaints about Chris and everything he does. Chris replies with a textwall of his own, offering minced words and non-apologies for some points and completely ignoring others.

Somehow, this lengthy and unremorseful word salad convinces Reldnahc to become "neutral" on Chris. He then leaves the group alone and walks off, but as soon as he is out of sight he falls into the sidewalk and is sucked into Graduon's pocket dimension or something. [[Graduon]], now possessing [[Metal Sonichu]], offers to give Reldnahc back his hedgehog powers in exchange for serving him. Eager to have his power back, Reldnahc accepts.

Back at the festival, Magi-chan abruptly alerts the rest of the cast that a "big battle" is about to happen. Chris reveals that he has modified his medallion by unspecified means to only change him back if he touches it, and mentions a "subspace cube" that he uses to trap Jerkops in a pocket dimension to prevent Graduon from using them again. The festival is evacuated while the cast remains to fight the Jerkop army. As Chris is giving them a pep talk (including a Nazi salute), he suddenly has a psychic vision of [[Cole Smithey]] somehow sneaking up behind [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and knocking him out cold. How Cole was able to accomplish this while all of the Sonichus and Rosechus were looking at Chris (and therefore, the area behind Chris) is not elucidated.

Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu as Reldnahc arrives on the scene, declaring that he's finally found himself and that he'll be a villain. Cole appears and attempts to ambush Chris, but only manages to hit an illusionary double. The real Chris appears behind Cole and knocks him out, and THEN realizes that he just cold cocked his half-brother. Chris cries crocodile tears over having to physically assault his half-brother, even though he stated 30 seconds prior that all he needed to do was tap someone with the subspace cube to free them from Graduon's influence. Just as Chris sends Cole to the pocket dimension, a transformed Reldnahc bodychecks Chris into a pocket dimension of his own.

Reldnahc straddles Chris, declaring that he's going to "take my advantage" and Chris immediately assumes (despite supposedly being female now) that he's about to become a rape statistic. Instead, Reldnahc tries to punch Chris's weak point only for Chris to reveal that he removed his weakness, something the reader was already told about fourteen pages ago. Chris uses his psychic powers to throw Reldnahc off of him, at which point Chris's narration interrupts to tell the reader to just go back and read the fight scene at the start of the episode. While Chris fights Reldnahc pseudo-offscreen, the rest of the cast fights his army and wins easily because they're Mary Sue trash.

Chris pops out of Reldnahc's pocket dimension with the defeated Reldnahc in tow, and Chris then proceeds to explain that some of the Jerkops in the army were actually zombies (something he insists will be elaborated upon in Sonichu #14). As he is also talking about how he thinks Reldnahc can be "friended", Reldnahc vanishes into the ether. Cera has her picture taken with a Janekop she knocked out during the fighting, [[Chris and Reality| something Chris insists was Cera's idea, not his]]. Silvana returns the subspace cube to Chris, and Magi-chan explains that they were able to release around 1500 mind control victims from Graduon's control.

Chris ends the episode with both a tribute to [[Bob Chandler]] and his own coming out story, claiming to be the reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who went to Woodstock. The final page splash panel of Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu performing a musical number.

==Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up==
Back in August of 2009, Sonichu begins to tell [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]] about what happened the day he married Rosechu.

In the flashback, Rosechu is chatting anxiously with Bubbles and Angelica, concerned that something will go wrong, ignoring the fact that every female present seems to be wearing a a white dress similar to her own in a huge faux pas.
Bubbles and Angelica reassure her that nothing can possibly go wrong, whilst Simonla and Zapina go through the checklist of preparations. Why a child is assuming responsibility for wedding preparations is anybody's guess, but in a possibly related turn of events, the caterers have yet to show up and set up, causing no small amount of panic among the team.

Sonichu ponders with the boys over his future, and similar to the Rosechus, they do nothing but spout inane feel-good gibberish, with the exception of Magi-Chan who shows off that he can predict the exact moment Bubbles will appear. When she does, she informs Sonichu that Rosechu has stepped out for some fresh air and not to bother her.

Bubbles steps into the hallway to be inexplicably accosted by Spinarak (a common spider pokemon) after which she panics and floods the hallway with a Surf attack. She laments that she needs to dry her dress whilst in the other room Magi-Chan giggles over the impending misunderstanding whilst Sonichu searches for his phone in order to contact the missing caterers.

Sonichu walks into the room Bubbles is using to dry her dress, and for some reason Bubbles tries to hide herself (she normally wanders around naked) and hands Sonichu his missing phone. At that same split second, the caterers arrive and Rosechu wanders in on Sonichu and the naked Bubbles, and her jaw drops in horror. Bubbles and Sonichu try to explain the situation, which Rosechu is quickly able to deduct as true and bursts into laughter, finding the situation funny. They decide the wedding will continue as planned.

We are soon treated to scenes and characters taken from Chris's classic [[Wedding_Comic|Wedding Comic]] including Canino Houndhowl - on old OC of [[Megan_Schroeder|Megan's]], a pair of cake-baking raptors of unknown genesis and finally Spas the cat who plays the organ. All the while, Blake is hiding in the rafters, creeping on Bubbles.

Chris stands as Father of the Bride and walks her down the altar, while Zapina replaces not only Ching Chong as the flower girl, but [[Crass_and_Champ|Crass & Champ]] as the Ring Bearer. Rev Elizabeth Foss proceeds to wed the two lovehogs by the power vested in her by God, Jesus and Cwcville.

'''NOTE:'''
''The Wedding scene was partially inspired by a fan comic, as depicted in the Comic Pages section.''

Cutting back to the conversation with [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]], Sonichu explains that he and Rosechu had their honeymoon at a local hotel, making it clear that Sonichu is just as cheap as his creator. He goes on to state that his marriage is an inspiration for [[Chris and Reality|thousands to millions]] of people and that he enjoys positive fanart. But sometimes he gets some gross and "heavy" fanart that reminded him of one specific time Rosechu was hospitalised.
He explains that in March 2008, the family were out shopping and Rosechu was by herself at JC Penny's carrying several boxes that obscured her vision. As a result, she lost her footing and fell down the stairs. One would think that with reflexes established in Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, she would have been able to bounce back and minimalize injury to herself, but apparently not.

As a bystander calls 911, Sonichu and Robbie wonder how they will avoid paying for the treadmill they just destroyed. Magi-Chan uses the power of deus ex machina to inform Sonichu and his daughters that Rosechu has been hurt. As they hasten to the scene, they are all brought to tears as Sonichu commits a big medical NO-NO and picks up his injured wife who cannot move, likely further damaging any broken bones she is sustaining.
Had her spine been injured, he very possibly may have caused irreparable damage. It turns out both of Rosechu's legs are broken and all it takes is two weeks with casts on to fix her right up (in reality, even minor breaks in both legs would take several months to heal).

Regardless, Rosechu returns home after a fortnight, and is dismayed to see she has gained a little weight; a few pounds as stated, which is negligible. Sonichu takes a moment to remind the reader that even if Rosechu had been horrifically disfigured as depicted in some of the nastier fan-art, he would still love and adore her.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and his girls have cooked a welcome-home feast for Rosechu, who is anxious that if she overeats she will gain more weight. Nobody passes comment on Robbie having magically become a huge-breasted woman in the preceding fortnight.

Rosechu sits herself at the table and immediately begins to gorge herself on all of the food whilst her family stare on in shock. Afterwards, sporting a hefty food-baby, she thanks them for the meal and goes to wash and get ready for bed. Sonichu hands Roberta $20 to get pizza whilst he tends to his wife. He asks Rosechu if everything is alright, concerned for her sudden massive appetite. Rosechu brushes him off and boasts she can fit into her skinny clothes before going on a tirade about how great food is.

Sonichu steps out of the story to crucially inform us that his daughters gave him a slice of pizza, before jumping back in. Being the attentive husband he is, he pokes her food-baby to let her know that she's too fat for all her slimmer clothes. Rosechu, unsurprisingly, bursts into tears and talks about how she doesn't want to be fat, but she felt obligated to eat the massive meal they had worked so hard on for her. Sonichu says he doesn't mind, and snuggles into her tummy and Rosechu, touched by his continued tenderness and affection, decides that perhaps he prefers her this way and considers not bothering to take the weight off after a text panel strongly implies they had sex.

The next morning, Rosechu has inexplicably become obese, literally overnight. Cera, tactless, jokingly asks if Rosechu is pregnant. Rosechu announces she is not pregnant, and wants to have a lazy first day home after her hospital stay and binge watch TV and play video games.

Cera is offended that her fat mother is content with her looks and tries to coax her into a fitness routine. Rosechu refuses, stating that after she's had her fun, she'll be back to work cooking for the family and that Cera is an ungrateful little shit for being upset that she's serving up Mexican food and caramel apples. After Cera tries one more time to get her mother on the treadmill, Rosechu simply leaves to make herself some pancakes.

Cera completely over-reacts and begins pestering Roberta, asking if she's seen Rosechu this morning. Roberta explains she and Christine spoke with Sonichu and have come to the reasonable conclusion not to force their mother to change when she's still recovering. Cera, still disgusted at the idea of having a fat cow for a mother, sends a video message to her school informing them she's not going to be turning up today because her mom is "big like Godzilla", and finishes by demanding Roberta get her homework for her, who complies.

Rosechu, meanwhile, orders cookies from Sandy and Zapina. She continues growing in size, and Cera simply joins in as well, feeling distraught about this entire situation. Later, on May 1st, Sonichu has a dream. He dreams that [[Count Graduon]] captured both Rosechu and Chris, and that he has to get through all three of his challenges. His first challenge is to swim down a river. When told to throw a cucumber into it, it's revealed that the river is made of [[pickle]] brine. He ends up getting really big and fat, not unlike his wife.

He then is told to get through a very narrow tunnel. He decides to do so, and for some reason, the slime within it makes him thin out back to regular size. Finally, he is given two doors. One to save his beloved Rosechu, and the other to save Chris and CWCville. After an angsty dilemma, he ends up choosing Rosechu, who manages to help save Chris as well. They all get into a group hug, but Graduon isn't finished yet... However at that moment, Sonichu wakes up under his whale of a wife. He rolls her over somehow, and once she wakes up he explains his dream to her. She explains that since she prefers the active life (and that she's tired of her tail falling asleep), she is going to ditch the belly.

She goes downstairs and invites her daughter to join her in this journey, which she excitedly accepts. As the days go by, Rosechu and Cera somehow lose their considerable fat within less than 2 weeks (while [[Layla]] gains a lot of weight for some reason), and after some quick exposition, [[Sonic]] and [[Amy]] join the two for a total of two pages. They say goodbye and go home. Then, seemingly for no reason, it's revealed that Sonic was [[Silvana]] and Amy was a Ditto. This concludes Book 12.

==Comic pages==

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|Episode 25
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|Episode 26
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<center>{{collapsible
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<center>{{collapsible
|Bonus song pages
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<center>{{collapsible
|Development sketches
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<center>{{collapsible
|The Wedding Comic Chris ripped off
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==Credits==
As the book was featured on Chris's [[Patreon]], he gave credit mentions in the printed edition. The top six credits for this issue:

*[[Jessica Quinn]] (honorable mention, with her last name struck out as Chris didn't know it)
*VikingBoyBilly, aka [[William Elliott Waterman|Waterman]]
*[[Merryweathery]]
*Kristie Pollard
*[[DStecks]] (down three places on the list since [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]'s credits)
*OnionNull, aka [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|Kengle]]

<center>{{collapsible
|Images
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:Sonichu 12 credits.jpg
File:Sonichu 12 credits2.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>
==Fan reading==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25, Part 1 // a not so comprehensive reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajjgR9IUIAA}}
| stardate = 13 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25 Part 2 // Lesbianchu
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8AG-kK1FnL0}}
| stardate = 18 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 12

2018-09-11T01:19:16Z

Res:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12
| cover = SchuComic12-5CoverEdit.jpg
| coverdate = 21 [[May 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 16 [[October 2017]]
| pagecount = 118
| episodes = 24.5, 25, 26
| previous = [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
}}

[[File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg|thumb|Alternate cover.]]

'''''Sonichu'' #12''' is the 13th issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. After Chris restarted work on ''Sonichu'' #11, which he completed in [[June 2017]], ''Sonichu'' fans were reassured that they would get to see the completion of this issue. It was finished on 16 October.

The song lyrics Chris wrote in this comic was performed in [[Love is Love|a collaborative effort between him and a boy band]].

==Early projections==
It was not clear what this issue would contain, as ''Sonichu'' #11 was itself in creative limbo for years. Chris has said that the second or third part will complete the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas special]] begun in ''Sonichu'' #11,<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 February 2010]]</ref> though given the date of that statement, and the apparent drift away from the Christmas special by the end of #11, Chris's plans may have changed significantly.

On 9 [[April 2010|April 2010]], [[Count Graduon]] was mentioned to play an important part in the issue, along with [[Metal Sonichu]].

==Episode 25: "To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…"==
On 21 [[May 2017]] Chris finally uploaded a scan of the front page, and more uncolored pages. The first episode promises to deal with [[Robbie Sonee]]'s thoughts about his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], perhaps as an expression of Chris's own, though this comes across as oddly redundant given that Chris's transition to "Christine" was already expounded upon in ''Sonichu'' #11.

The title of the episode is nonsense, with Chris presumably lifting the "''to be or not'' to be" soliloquy in Hamlet (though likely through general cultural awareness [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|rather than actually reading it]] and then throwing in an apparent misspelling of "not" as "naught" (actually an archaic synonym for "nothing/zero"), which makes no apparent sense.

[[Sonichu chronology|Early 2009]]. [[Robbie Sonee]] finds himself troubled; wondering why he dislikes [[Sonichu 10|violent media]] when other [[JERKS|males]] categorically do. He seeks advice from his sisters [[Cera Rosechu]] and [[Christine Rosechu]], his parents, Chris himself, and the internet, but to no avail. Still seeking answers, he consults [[Magi-Chan]] about his future, but Magi-Chan refuses to divulge anything, notionally to avoid depriving Robbie of a proper experience. Magi-Chan then immediately defeats the purpose of this restraint by telling Robbie that he possesses a "female soul." Accordingly, Robbie comes to the conclusion that he is a lesbian transwoman. He formalizes his newfound identity by coming out to his sisters, declaring his intention to transition completely as soon as he evolves and adopt the name Roberta Sonichu. Christine and Cera unconditionally accept Robbie as their little sister, pulling her up into a hug and telling her that they love her and they're proud of her -- prompting her to evolve in their arms. Chris concludes this sentimental scene by having Roberta ejaculate on her sister's carpet.

Donning a new outfit slapped together by Christine, Roberta then heads to the top of [[Magi-chan]]'s police state surveillance tower. To help her transition along, Magi-chan offers her a [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] binaural beat CD (the same kind that [[Un-clit_2.0 | served Chris so well]]) and reckons that the entire process should take about two months. Roberta offhandedly mentions that she also begins conventional hormone therapy, though this is rendered somewhat redundant as she magically sprouts double-D breasts and a penis that shrinks and splits into a new vagina. At the end of June, Magi-chan "examines" her telepathically, treating the reader to a nightmarish 3-D shot of her organs. He proclaims her transformation complete while also reminding her to continue taking her meds until the doctors instruct her to stop; Chris seemingly unaware that hormone therapy is generally a lifetime undertaking (and Roberta was magically transformed into a female anyway).

After receiving a "life trophy" for her transition, Roberta lists off her dating experiences, from the unfortunately named Vulva Pie (a creation of [[Jackie]]'s who was dragged into hiding along with her creator) on to Mimi (a random character and star of the [[Commissions#The_Flufflehugs_Commissions|Flufflehugs commissions.]]) The narration jumps ahead to Roberta performing (apropos of nothing) a Sonic Rainboom, a phenomenon Chris stole from My Little Pony, by running on the sky clad in a garish Rainbow Dash costume from the previous Halloween, all while her sisters film it. She succeeds, creating a rainbow that implausibly stretches across the entire United States.

The episode ends with Roberta addressing the reader with a wandering spiel about tomgirls and female souls, and proclaiming that she is loved and loves herself.

==Episode 26: Prideful==

September 12, 2009. The episode starts ''in medias res'' with Chris in his new female Sonichu form locked in an intense battle against Reldnahc while delivering a long, incoherent internal monologue on the nature of love and hatred. The narration skips back to earlier in the day, where the main cast (and any number of shoddily drawn Cwcville citizens) attend the first Annual SLGBTQ Pride festival at Cwcville Park. Attractions include burgers and pop, "pride bracelets, knick knacks and lots of rainbows," and largely untouched "Banasaur figures". Jamsta and Lolisa broadcast live from their booth and loudly flaunt their heterosexual sex life, while Angelica meets with [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"]] and thanks him for his large donation.

Meanwhile, Chris along with Crystal and the hedgehogs gather on a blanket in the grass. Chris regales everyone with a loquacious account of his psychic training with Magi-chan and Silvana, which is met with fawning praise. They are interrupted by the return of Sonichu and Rosechu's brood, Zapina, and Sandy, who come bearing some tat they bought at the stalls. They begin distributing it as gifts, while Cera bores everyone with an account of their acquisition, replete with ham-fisted references to lesbianism. They also receive a surprise visit from Chris's self-spawned children, Cynthia and Russel. The twins hug their "mama" with wagging tails and tell him they miss him, and he negligently brushes them off with an "awww!" It's at that this point that Heather Iglesias, their caretaker, appears in the comic for the first time (despite her token lesbianism having become dilute now, to say the least). After greeting the group with a string of broken English and incorrect Spanish, she removes the children.

Several more characters appear; first [[Patti-Chan|Patti]], then [[Darkbind]] with [[Zelina]]. Finally, [[Reldnahc]] appears, shocked that Chris is now Christine. He accosts Chris, announcing that apparently the gay vaccine failed to work on him for some reason. He explains that shortly after Naitsirhc was teleported to [[Kel|Kel's]] cabin in Sonichu #10, he began to long for the power the black Sonichu medalion gave him while also developing an attraction to other men. One morning, he woke up, discovered that he'd fully turned back into Reldnahc and decided to abandon Kel.

Returning to CWCville, Reldnahc claims that he was living in an old, abandoned house because he didn't want to use a Soup Hotel, then immediately contradicts himself by admitting that he was in fact going to Soup Hotels for his meals (and once again, referencing [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"'s donation]]). Somehow unable to locate the address and phone number of the town's mayor, he had no option but to go to the pride festival to see if Chris would be there on a "mayoral chore". Having found Chris at last, Reldnahc unleashes a textwall of perfectly valid complaints about Chris and everything he does. Chris replies with a textwall of his own, offering minced words and non-apologies for some points and completely ignoring others.

Somehow, this lengthy and unremorseful word salad convinces Reldnahc to become "neutral" on Chris. He then leaves the group alone and walks off, but as soon as he is out of sight he falls into the sidewalk and is sucked into Graduon's pocket dimension or something. [[Graduon]], now possessing [[Metal Sonichu]], offers to give Reldnahc back his hedgehog powers in exchange for serving him. Eager to have his power back, Reldnahc accepts.

Back at the festival, Magi-chan abruptly alerts the rest of the cast that a "big battle" is about to happen. Chris reveals that he has modified his medallion by unspecified means to only change him back if he touches it, and mentions a "subspace cube" that he uses to trap Jerkops in a pocket dimension to prevent Graduon from using them again. The festival is evacuated while the cast remains to fight the Jerkop army. As Chris is giving them a pep talk (including a Nazi salute), he suddenly has a psychic vision of [[Cole Smithey]] somehow sneaking up behind [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and knocking him out cold. How Cole was able to accomplish this while all of the Sonichus and Rosechus were looking at Chris (and therefore, the area behind Chris) is not elucidated.

Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu as Reldnahc arrives on the scene, declaring that he's finally found himself and that he'll be a villain. Cole appears and attempts to ambush Chris, but only manages to hit an illusionary double. The real Chris appears behind Cole and knocks him out, and THEN realizes that he just cold cocked his half-brother. Chris cries crocodile tears over having to physically assault his half-brother, even though he stated 30 seconds prior that all he needed to do was tap someone with the subspace cube to free them from Graduon's influence. Just as Chris sends Cole to the pocket dimension, a transformed Reldnahc bodychecks Chris into a pocket dimension of his own.

Reldnahc straddles Chris, declaring that he's going to "take my advantage" and Chris immediately assumes (despite supposedly being female now) that he's about to become a rape statistic. Instead, Reldnahc tries to punch Chris's weak point only for Chris to reveal that he removed his weakness, something the reader was already told about fourteen pages ago. Chris uses his psychic powers to throw Reldnahc off of him, at which point Chris's narration interrupts to tell the reader to just go back and read the fight scene at the start of the episode. While Chris fights Reldnahc pseudo-offscreen, the rest of the cast fights his army and wins easily because they're Mary Sue trash.

Chris pops out of Reldnahc's pocket dimension with the defeated Reldnahc in tow, and Chris then proceeds to explain that some of the Jerkops in the army were actually zombies (something he insists will be elaborated upon in Sonichu #14). As he is also talking about how he thinks Reldnahc can be "friended", Reldnahc vanishes into the ether. Cera has her picture taken with a Janekop she knocked out during the fighting, [[Chris and Reality| something Chris insists was Cera's idea, not his]]. Silvana returns the subspace cube to Chris, and Magi-chan explains that they were able to release around 1500 mind control victims from Graduon's control.

Chris ends the episode with both a tribute to [[Bob Chandler]] and his own coming out story, claiming to be the reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who went to Woodstock. The final page splash panel of Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu performing a musical number.

==Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up==
Back in August of 2009, Sonichu begins to tell [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]] about what happened the day he married Rosechu.

In the flashback, Rosechu is chatting anxiously with Bubbles and Angelica, concerned that something will go wrong, ignoring the fact that every female present seems to be wearing a a white dress similar to her own, a huge faux pas.
Bubbles and Angelica reassure her that nothing can possibly go wrong, whilst Simonla and Zapina go through the checklist of preparations. Why a child is assuming responsibility for wedding preparations is anybody's guess, but in a possibly related turn of events, the caterers have yet to show up and set up, causing no small amount of panic among the team.

Sonichu ponders with the guys over his future, and similar to the Rosechus, they do nothing but spout inane feel-good gibberish, with the exception of Magi-Chan who shows off that he can predict the exact moment Bubbles will appear. When she does, she informs Sonichu that Rosechu has stepped out for some fresh air and not to bother her.

Bubbles steps into the hallway to be inexplicably accosted by Spinarak (a common spider pokemon) after which she panics and floods the hallway with a Surf attack. She laments that she needs to dry her dress whilst in the other room Magi-Chan giggles over the impending misunderstanding whilst Sonichu searches for his phone in order to contact the missing caterers.

Sonichu walks into the room Bubbles is using to dry her dress, and for some reason Bubbles tries to hide herself (when she normally wanders around naked) and hands Sonichu his missing phone. At that same split second, the caters arrive and Rosechu wanders in on Sonichu and the naked Bubbles and her jaw drops in horror. Bubbles and Sonichu try to explain the situation, which Rosechu is quickly able to deduct as true and bursts into laughter, finding the situation funny. They decide the wedding will continue as planned.

We are soon treated to scenes and characters taken from Chris's classic [[Wedding_Comic|Wedding Comic]] including Canino Houndhowl - on old OC of [[Megan_Schroeder|Megan's]], a pair of cake-baking raptors of unknown genesis and finally Spas the cat who plays the organ. All the while, Blake is hiding in the rafters, creeping on Bubbles.

Chris stands as Father of the Bride and walks her down the altar, while Zapina replaces not only Ching Chong as the flower girl, but [[Crass_and_Champ|Crass & Champ]] as the Ring Bearer. Rev Elizabeth Foss proceeds to wed the two lovehogs by the power vested in her by God, Jesus and Cwcville.

'''NOTE:'''
''The Wedding scene was partially inspired by a fan comic, as depicted in the Comic Pages section.''

Cutting back to the conversation with [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]], Sonichu explains that he and Rosechu had their honeymoon at a local hotel, making it clear that Sonichu is just as cheap as his creator. He goes on to state that his marriage is an inspiration for [[Chris and Reality|thousands to millions]] of people and that he enjoys positive fanart. But sometimes he gets some gross and "heavy" fanart that reminded him of one specific time Rosechu was hospitalised.
He explains that in March 2008, the family were out shopping and Rosechu was by herself at JC Penny's carrying several boxes that obscured her vision. As a result, she lost her footing and fell down the stairs. One would think that with reflexes established in Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, she would have been able to bounce back and minimalize injury to herself, but apparently not.

As a bystander calls 911, Sonichu and Robbie wonder how they will avoid paying for the treadmill they just destroyed. Magi-Chan uses the power of deus ex machina to inform Sonichu and his daughters that Rosechu has been hurt. As they hasten to the scene, they are all brought to tears as Sonichu commits a big medical NO-NO and picks up his injured wife who cannot move, likely further damaging any broken bones she is sustaining.
Had her spine been injured, he very possibly may have caused irreparable damage.

It turns out both of Rosechu's legs are broken and all it takes is two weeks with casts on to fix her right up (in reality, even minor breaks in both legs would take several months to heal). Regardless, Rosechu returns home after a fortnight, and is dismayed to see she has gained a little weight. A few pounds as stated - which is negligible at best. Sonichu takes a moment to remind the reader that even if Rosechu had been horrifically disfigured as depicted in some of the nastier fan-art, he would still love and adore her.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and his girls have cooked a welcome-home feast for Rosechu, who is anxious that if she overeats she will gain more weight. Nobody passes comment on Robbie coming out as a trans-woman in the passing fortnight.

Rosechu sits herself at the table and immediately begins to gorge herself on all of the food whilst her family stare on in shock. Afterwards, sporting a hefty food-baby, she thanks them for the meal and goes to wash and get ready for bed. Sonichu hands Roberta $20 to get pizza whilst he tends to his wife. He asks Rosechu if everything is alright, concerned for her sudden massive appetite. Rosechu brushes him off and boasts she can fit into her skinny clothes before going on a tiradeabout how great food is.

Sonichu steps out of the story to inform us his daughters gave him a slice of pizza before jumping back in. Being the attentive husband he is, he pokes her food-baby to let her know that she's too fat for all her slimmer clothes. Rosechu, unsurprisingly bursts into tears and talks about how she doesn't want to be fat, but she felt obligated to eat the massive meal they had worked so hard on for her. Sonichu says he doesn't mind, and snuggles into her tummy and Rosechu, touched by his continued tenderness and affection, decides that perhaps he prefers her this way and considers not bothering to take the weight off after a text panel strongly implicates they had sex.

The next morning, Rosechu has inexplicably become obese literally overnight. Cera, tactless, jokingly asks if Rosechu is pregnant. Rosechu announces she is not pregnant, and wants to have a lazy first day home after her hospital stay and binge watch TV and play video games.

Cera is offended that her fat mother is content with her looks and tries to coax her into a fitness routine. Rosechu refuses, stating that after she's had her fun, she'll be back to work cooking for the family and that Cera is an ungrateful little shit for being upset that she's serving up Mexican food and caramel apples. After Cera tries one more time to get her mother on the treadmill, Rosechu simply leaves to make herself some pancakes.

Cera completely over-reacts and begins pestering Roberta, asking if she's seen Rosechu this morning. Roberta explains she and Christine spoke with Sonichu and have come to the reasonable conclusion not to force their mother to change when she's still recovering. Cera, still disgusted at the idea of having a fat cow for a mother, sends a vlog to her school informing them she's not going to be turning up because her mom is "big like Godzilla", and finishes by demanding Roberta get her homework for her, who complies.

Rosechu, meanwhile, orders cookies from Sandy and Zapina. She continues growing in size, and Cera simply joins in as well, feeling distraught about this entire situation. Later, on May 1st, Sonichu has a dream. He dreams that [[Count Graduon]] captured both Rosechu and Chris, and that he has to get through all three of his challenges. His first challenge is to swim down a river. When told to throw a cucumber into it, it's revealed that the river is made of [[pickle]] brine. He ends up getting really big and fat, not unlike his wife.

He then is told to get through a very narrow tunnel. He decides to do so, and for some inexplicable reason, the slime within it makes him thin out back to regular size. Finally, he is given two doors. One to save his beloved Rosechu, and the other to save Chris and CWCville. After an angsty dilemma, he ends up choosing Rosechu, who manages to help save Chris as well. They all get into a group hug, but Graduon isn't finished yet... However at that moment, Sonichu wakes up under his whale of a wife. He rolls her over somehow, and once she wakes up he explains his dream to her. She explains that since she prefers the active life (and that she's tired of her tail falling asleep), she is going to ditch the belly.

She goes downstairs and invites her daughter to join her in this journey, which she excitedly accepts. As the days go by, Rosechu and Cera somehow lose their considerable fat within less than 2 weeks (while [[Layla]] gains a lot of weight for some reason), and after some quick exposition, [[Sonic]] and [[Amy]] join the two for a total of two pages. They say goodbye and go home. Then, seemingly for no reason, it's revealed that Sonic was [[Silvana]] and Amy was a Ditto. This concludes Book 12.

==Comic pages==

<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 25
|<gallery perrow="3">
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<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 26
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<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 24.5
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<center>{{collapsible
|Bonus song pages
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<center>{{collapsible
|Development sketches
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 1.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|The Wedding Comic Chris ripped off
|<gallery perrow="3">
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==Credits==
As the book was featured on Chris's [[Patreon]], he gave credit mentions in the printed edition. The top six credits for this issue:

*[[Jessica Quinn]] (honorable mention, with her last name struck out as Chris didn't know it)
*VikingBoyBilly, aka [[William Elliott Waterman|Waterman]]
*[[Merryweathery]]
*Kristie Pollard
*[[DStecks]] (down three places on the list since [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]'s credits)
*OnionNull, aka [[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|Kengle]]

<center>{{collapsible
|Images
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:Sonichu 12 credits.jpg
File:Sonichu 12 credits2.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>
==Fan reading==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25, Part 1 // a not so comprehensive reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajjgR9IUIAA}}
| stardate = 13 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25 Part 2 // Lesbianchu
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8AG-kK1FnL0}}
| stardate = 18 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

My Car is Heating Up Worse; PLEASE BUY from my eBay and HELP

2018-07-20T07:49:13Z

Res:

[[File:CWC car dashboard July 2018.jpg|thumb|200px|A photo Chris posted of the car's dashboard, indicating the car is overheating]]

'''My Car is Heating Up Worse; PLEASE BUY from my eBay and HELP!''' is a [[YouTube]] video [[Chris]] uploaded on 18 [[July 2018]]. In the video, Chris, sporting a [[Sailor Moon]] tiara, [[Financhu Crisis|begs]] for people to buy items from his [[2018_Sales_Listings#July|eBay listings]] to pay for repairs to [[Son-Chu|his overheating car]].

As possibly the thousandth example of how Chris is bad with [[money]], he had spent over $200 buying [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sega Genesis]] and [[Commodore 64]] consoles less than two weeks before<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-672#post-3548370</ref><ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-666#post-3536962</ref>, money which could have gone to an emergency fund for situations such as this.

The mechanical issue threatening Chris's mode of transport comes just 9 days before [[BronyCon]] - a 137-mile (220 km) trip across multiple states. It's apparent then that Chris has already recovered from his [[TooManyGames]] fiasco and is eager to attend more conventions. Notably, the Chandlers possess another car, Barb's Dodge Caravan, so Chris could ask his mother to borrow it for the weekend instead of risking the trip in SonChu.

Throughout the video, Chris's voice constantly fluctuates from his normal monotone to an ''incredibly'' ear-piercing shriek. When he's not stretching his voice to almost unlistenable levels, Chris also slurs his words very often and heavy bags under his eyes, which makes one wonder [[Alcohol|if Chris was sober while filming this video]], to say nothing of driving around.

Shortly after the video was made, Chris dropped the car off to a mechanic as an emergency case and will have to raise money to afford the bill when it comes due.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-7-18-my-car-is-heating-up-worse-please-buy-from-my-ebay-and-help.45626/page-3#post-3573742</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = My Car is Heating Up Worse; PLEASE BUY from my eBay and HELP!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WsYIksYcCqk}}
| stardate = 18 [[July 2018]]
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}, {{Convention|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{ManchildMeldownShirt|text}}
| previous = [[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]]
| next =
}}

===Description===
Sonichu Standee 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/283051923269?ul_noapp=true

Autographed a LOT TMG Poster 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/283043798797?ul_noapp=true

Johnny Cash Autographed Photo 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/283013862204?ul_noapp=true

Variant Autographed Photo (Love Quest Saga) 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/283049682016?ul_noapp=true

Variant Autographed Card (Pickleman and Pedobear) 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/283061608231?ul_noapp=true

===Transcript===
Hello ev'body, it's Christine Chandler coming to you live from my ''(voice cracks)'' CAAAAR right noooow, I'm stumped right now, but, ''[dramatic [[glasses]] removal]'' my car has been acting UP lately, it's been going towards the ''(freakish falsetto)'' {{RageQuote|HEEEAAAATTT!}}

And it's, pleat, there's...things growin' on the...antifreeze coolant thing, I, no-I think there's a, there's like a couple of leaks there, I JUST HAD THIS CAR worked on on that, but they ''couldn't'' patch all the leaks but now it's getting worse, I pulled this car out, I just put ''coolant'', in the ''reservoir'', ''yesterday'', and...I pull the car out, I get out...I make my way up to CVS in [[Ruckersville]], but then...it goes all the way, it starts GOING ALL THE WAY UP TO THE H IMMEDIATELY! AND I HAD THE AIR CONDITIONER GOIN' SO I HAD TO TURN THE AIR CONDITIONER OFF AND PUT THE...HEAT GOIN' ON, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT GOOD, SO YEAH. PLEASE do me the ''BIIIIIIIIIG'' favor, buy my ''BIIIG'' price items so I can GET this car ''totally patched up'', so I can get to BronyCon and all that. ''([[stress sigh]])'' A'ight, SO YEAH, I've reuploaded the two variants, I got the [[Love Quest]] [[saga]] autograph photo, sweetheart search, yeah...''(coughs)'' There's also the autographed card variant where I reference the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle Man]] and [[Pedofork|Pedobear]], and also there's the...[[TooManyGames]] autograph poster, but ALL THOSE autographs on it from this year, including ''mine'' right now, and...let's see, there's also the Johnny Cash photo. Ah, yeah. Big price items. PLEEEEASE PLEASE buy those now so I can ''(bangs fist on the dashboard for extra emphasis)'' get. This. Car. Worked. On. Right. Now. To{{RageQuote|''DAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!''}}

==Twitter posts==
A fan inquired:

{{quoteboxgreen|Have you had it looked at? My older car used to do this if it was overdue for an oil change, you should wait until the engine is cool and add radiator fluid or water to the radiator. Don't do it when it's hot or it might boil out on you.}}

Chris answered:

{{quotebox|I had it looked at last week for the AC problem; they found a coolant leak or two; figured they would be okay to ride out a while, but, obviously, NO. Refill the Coolant yesterday with 50/50; the reservoir is down 25%! Dropped off the car at the Auto Garage...it will likely be $200 or so in the end; need those BIG SALES Quickly, Please! Or, can I get 90 People on the Autograph Cards for $5 apiece, please?}}

Subsequently, he raised the price on his autograph cards to $25 each.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]

Template:Da update

2018-04-23T01:33:03Z

Res:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*22 April - Chris [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:CWC_profile_pic_April_2018.jpg changes his Twitter profile picture.]
*21 April - Chris uploads [[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms‎‎]] to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] for ruining his associated fandoms, most notably [[My Little Pony]]
*20 April - Chris delivers [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|another video request]] (which is bookended by him begging for money to get a new phone) for "[[Jack Z]]", a fan that actively gives him money, [[Autism|hoping it will boost his YouTube career]].
*18 April - Chris uploads two videos, the first video being a recorded dance and the second upload being a happy birthday wish for Frank, a friend of Jack Z, the person who gave Chris $1,200 for [[BronyCon]]. He then [[April 2018 social media posts#Exercising on a treadmill|brags about]] [[List of Chris's lies|walking for two hours at 4mph on a treadmill]] on Twitter.
*17 April - After a series of [[April 2018 social media posts#Chris's Twitter controlled by troll|bizarre tweets]], Chris claims his Twitter account was hacked, retrieving it just minutes after the alleged hack - also deleting his tweets about wanting money for BronyCon. Chris then uploads [[Look, I Am helping my mother and I with the monies]], followed by a live Captain's Log on [[Twitch]] promoting his [[eBay]] sales and featuring [[Barb]]. A few hours after the stream had ended, Chris uploaded [[I have been paid to go; we’ll see if I can go (Seriously To Be Determined)]], thanking Jack Z, a [[fan]] who gifted him $1,200 so that he could attend [[BronyCon]] 2018 in the hopes the two could meet.
*16 April - Chris uploads two videos. One is an apology to a [[With Apologies to Mister Resident|ween posing as his professor from PVCC]], another is him demonstrating his strength by [[One-Hundred|lifting dumbbells]]. A ween uploads [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#A few seconds of Barb dancing|a 4-second video of Barb]] to his channel, presumably having paid Chris for it. Later, Chris [[April 2018 social media posts|explains the latest streak of begging]] - he wants $600+ in order to go to [[BronyCon]].
*15 April - Chris uploads [[Dick Licker; that is I.|a video of himself licking penises he drew on his wall.]] He [[April 2018 social media posts|removes his autographs from the Transformer toys]] put up for sale on ebay following feedback from fans complaining about it, and gets snappy at one fan. He also admires a CWC cosplayer, saying she is hot. Finally, he updates his [[Facebook]]'s Basic Information section to note his newfound bisexuality and that he is interested in men and women.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with '''no more than 7 entries''' being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Anne Boleyn

2018-02-03T15:40:51Z

Res:

{{quote|And I do think I Am Entitled in a True, Valid Relationship with a woman very much like you, because I Need The Love, and not only that, but I Am Of Royalty in the [[Daniel Weston|Weston]] Bloodline.|Chris to [[Catherine]], 14 December 2014<ref>[[Catherine E-mails]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Anne boleyn.jpg|thumb|Chris's alleged progenitrix. Perhaps her bloodline resulting in [[Sonichu]] was why she was called [[Mary Lee Walsh|a witch]].]]

'''Anne Boleyn''' ([[Pre-1980#Pre-1900|c.1501/1507–1536]]) was Queen of [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|England and Ireland]] as the second wife of [[Wikipedia:Henry VIII of England|King Henry VIII]]. [[Chris]] claims to be a descendant of her from his [[Barbara|mother]]'s side of the family, via a certain [[Daniel Weston]] who was purportedly on the [[Wikipedia:Mayflower|''Mayflower'']].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> Chris [[Chris and English|cannot even spell "Boleyn"]].<ref name="IRC 22 December 2008">[[IRC (22 December 2008)]], [[Mailbag 47#Begone]], [[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Chris and Barb plan to produce evidence of their ancestry and topple the current royal [[Wikipedia:House of Windsor|House of Windsor]].

History buffs may notice a problem with this; namely that aside from the fact that Daniel Weston never even existed, Anne Boleyn had only one daughter, [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth I of England|Queen Elizabeth I]]. It is impossible for Chris to be descended from her, or indeed for anybody to be; Elizabeth I was childless and was in fact famously known as the [[virgin with rage|Virgin Queen]]; indeed, Chris's home state of [[Virginia is for Virgins|Virginia]] is named in her honor. The only conceivable way would have been through an illegitimate child, who by definition could not be royalty. It is admittedly possible for Chris to be ''related'' to Boleyn, though no evidence whatsoever so much as suggests this.

Current evidence suggests that Barb gave Chris this idea, which seems likely as he's been rambling about his ancestry for years, even before his discovery by the Internet. In August [[2005]], he tried to impress a girl on [[MySpace]] with this "fact" because she was interested in royalty.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref> This may have been this ridiculous notion's first outing, but it was not to be the last - as recently as 2014, in the [[Rental House Tour]], Barb and Chris bored Catherine and Cousin Al to tears with a completely fictitious account of how the Westons are considered royalty to this day, and that she and Chris were "blood kin" to Queen Elizabeth I.

In late [[2008]], Chris deduced (or more likely decided) that he is descended from [[Wikipedia:Mary Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]] (Anne's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]]),<ref name="IRC 22 December 2008"/> her brother [[Wikipedia:Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland|Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland]], born 1577),<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009]]</ref> and later [[Wikipedia:Earl of Portland|Earls of Portland]].<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris had looked up Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn on [[Wikipedia]] to find a link between them<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> which fortifies the view that Chris and Barb [[List of Chris's lies|made the whole thing up]]. There is admittedly a possibility that his family tree loops back on itself, but it's [[Virginia|probably a good deal more recent than the Tudor period]].

In [[May 2009]], Chris also cited his ancestry as one of the reasons for [[Wikipedia]] to have an article on him.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], [[Zapina]] is said to be studying at "Bolyn High",<ref>''[[Sonichu 9]]'', [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_2 p. 2].</ref> probably named in reference to Anne Boleyn.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Daniel Weston]]
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Chandler Family Tree]]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Boleyn, Anne}}
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Sonichu 12

2017-11-15T15:59:28Z

Res: grammar/tone

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12
| cover = SchuComic12-5CoverEdit.jpg
| coverdate = 21 [[May 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 16 [[October 2017]]
| pagecount = 118
| episodes = 24.2, 25, 26
| previous = [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
}}

[[File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg|thumb|Alternate cover.]]

'''''Sonichu'' #12''' is the 13th issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. After Chris restarted work on ''Sonichu'' #11, which he completed in [[June 2017]], ''Sonichu'' fans were reassured that they would get to see the completion of this issue. It was finished on 16 October.

==Early projections==
It was not clear what this issue would contain, as ''Sonichu'' #11 was itself in creative limbo for years. Chris has said that the second or third part will complete the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas special]] begun in ''Sonichu'' #11,<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 February 2010]]</ref> though given the date of that statement, and the apparent drift away from the Christmas special by the end of #11, Chris's plans may have changed significantly.

On 9 [[April 2010|April 2010]], [[Count Graduon]] was mentioned to play an important part in the issue, along with [[Metal Sonichu]].

==Episode 25: "To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…"==
On 21 [[May 2017]] Chris finally uploaded a scan of the front page, and more uncolored pages. The first episode promises to deal with [[Robbie Sonee]]'s thoughts about his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], perhaps as an expression of Chris's own, though this comes across as oddly redundant given that Chris's transition to "Christine" was already expounded upon in ''Sonichu'' #11.

The title of the episode is confusing nonsense, with Chris presumably lifting the "''to be or not'' to be" soliloquy in Hamlet (though likely through general cultural awareness [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|rather than actually reading it]] and then throwing in an apparent misspelling of "not" as "naught" (actually an archaic synonym for "nothing/zero", which makes no readily apparent sense).

[[Sonichu chronology|Early 2009]]. [[Robbie Sonee]] wonders why he dislikes [[Sonichu 10|violent media]], unlike other [[JERKS|males]] categorically do. He seeks advice from his sisters [[Cera Rosechu]] and [[Christine Rosechu]], his parents, Chris himself, and the internet. Still seeking answers, he consults [[Magi-Chan]] about his future, but Magi-Chan wisely abstains from telling him about it so as to avoid depriving him of the joy of living et cetera. However, Magi-Chan does see fit to tell Robbie that he possesses a "female soul." Accordingly, Robbie comes to the conclusion that he is a lesbian transwoman. He formalizes his newfound identity by coming out to his sisters, declaring his intention to transition completely as soon as he evolves and adopt the name Roberta Sonichu. Christine and Cera unconditionally accept Robbie as their little sister, pulling her up into a hug and telling her that they love her and they're proud of her -- prompting her to evolve in their arms. Chris concludes this attempt at a touching scene by having Roberta ejaculate on her sister's carpet.

Donning a new outfit slapped together by Christine, Roberta then heads to the top of [[Magi-chan]]'s police state surveillance tower. To help her transition along, Magi-chan offers her a [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] binaural beat CD (the same kind that [[Un-clit_2.0 | served Chris so well]]) and reckons that the entire process should take about two months. Roberta offhandedly mentions that she also begins conventional hormone therapy, though this is rendered somewhat redundant as she magically sprouts double-D breasts and a penis that shrinks and splits into a new vagina. At the end of June, Magi-chan "examines" her telepathically, treating the reader to an absolutely nightmarish 3-D shot of her organs. He proclaims her transformation complete while also reminding her to continue taking her meds until the doctors instruct her to stop; Chris seemingly unaware that hormone therapy is generally a lifetime undertaking.

After earning a "life trophy" for her transition, Roberta lists off her dating experiences, from the unfortunately named Vulva Pie (a creation of [[Jackie]]'s who was dragged into hiding along with her creator) on to Mimi (a random character and star of the [[Commissions#The_Flufflehugs_Commissions|Flufflehugs commissions.]]) The narration jumps ahead to Roberta performing a Sonic Rainboom, a phenomenon Chris stole from My Little Pony, by running on the sky clad in a garish Rainbow Dash costume from the previous Halloween, all while her sisters film it. She succeeds, creating a rainbow that implausibly stretches across the entire United States.

The episode ends with Roberta addressing the reader with a wandering spiel about tomgirls and female souls, and proclaiming that she is loved and loves herself.

==Episode 26: Prideful==

September 12, 2009. The episode starts ''in medias res'' with Chris in his new female Sonichu form locked in an intense battle against Reldnach while delivering a long-winded, nonsensical internal monologue on the nature of love and hatred. The narration skips back to earlier in the day, where the main cast (and any number of shoddily drawn Cwcville citizens) attend the first Annual SLGBTQ Pride festival at Cwcville Park. Attractions include burgers and pop, "pride bracelets, knick knacks and lots of rainbows," and largely untouched "Banasaur figures". Jamsta and Lolisa broadcast live from their booth and loudly flaunt their heterosexual sex life, while Angelica meets with [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"]] and thanks him for his large donation.

Meanwhile, Chris along with Crystal and the hedgehogs gather on a blanket in the grass. Chris regales everyone with a loquacious account of his psychic training with Magi-chan and Silvana which is met with adoring praise. They are interrupted by the return of Sonichu and Rosechu's brood, Zapina, and Sandy, who come bearing some tat they bought at the stalls, which is handed out while Cera bores everyone with an account of their acquisition, peppered with ham-handed references to lesbianism. They also receive a surprise visit from Chris's self-spawned children, Cynthia and Russel. The twins hug their "mama" with wagging tails and tell him they miss him, and he negligently brushes them off with an "awww!" It's at that this point that Heather Iglesias, their caretaker, appears in the comic for the first time (despite her token lesbianism having become dilute now, to say the least). After greeting the group with a string of broken English and incorrect Spanish, she removes the children.

Several more characters appear; first [[Patti]], then [[Darkbind]] with [[Zelina]]. Finally, [[Reldnahc]] appears, just as shocked as everyone else that Chris is a transsexual now. He accosts Chris, announcing that apparently the gay vaccine failed to work on him for some reason. He explains that shortly after Naitsirhc was teleported to Kel's cabin in Sonichu #10, he began to long for the power the black Sonichu medalion gave him while also developing an attraction to other men. One morning, he woke up, discovered that he'd fully turned back into Reldnahc and decided to abandon Kel.

Returning to CWCville, Reldnahc claims that he was living in an old, abandoned house because he didn't want to use a Soup Hotel, then immediately contradicts himself by admitting that he was in fact going to Soup Hotels for his meals (and once again, referencing [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"'s donation]]). Having somehow forgotten the address and phone number of the town's mayor, he had no option but to go to the pride festival to see if Chris would be there on a "mayoral chore". Having found Chris at last, Reldnahc unleashes a textwall of perfectly valid complaints about Chris and everything he does. Chris replies with a textwall of his own, offering minced words and non-apologies for some points and completely ignoring others.

Somehow, this lengthy unremorseful word salad convinces Reldnahc to become "neutral" on Chris. He then leaves the group alone and walks off, but as soon as he is out of sight he falls into the sidewalk and is sucked into Graduon's pocket dimension or something. [[Graduon]], now possessing [[Metal Sonichu]], offers to give Reldnahc back his hedgehog powers in exchange for serving him. Eager to have his power back, Reldnahc accepts.

Back at the festival, Magi-chan alerts the rest of the cast that (apropos of nothing) a "big battle" is about to happen. Chris reveals that he has modified his medallion via unspecified means to only change him back if he touches it, and mentions a "subspace cube" that he uses to trap Jerkops in a pocket dimension to prevent Graduon from using them again. The festival is evacuated while the cast remains to fight the Jerkop army. As Chris is giving them a pep talk (including a Nazi salute), he suddenly has a psychic vision of [[Cole Smithey]] somehow sneaking up behind [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and knocking him out cold. How Cole was able to accomplish this while all of the Sonichus and Rosechus were looking at Chris (and therefore, the area behind Chris) is a riddle for the ages.

Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu as Reldnahc arrives on the scene, declaring that he's finally found himself and that he'll be a villain. Cole appears and attempts to ambush Chris, but only manages to hit an illusionary double. The real Chris appears behind Cole and knocks him out, and THEN realizes that he just cold cocked his half-brother. Chris cries crocodile tears over having to physically assault his half-brother, even though he stated 30 seconds prior that all he needed to do was tap someone with the subspace cube to free them from Graduon's influence. Just as Chris sends Cole to the pocket dimension, a transformed Reldnahc bodychecks Chris into a pocket dimension of his own.

Reldnahc straddles Chris, declaring that he's going to "take my advantage" and Chris immediately assumes (despite supposedly being female now) that he's about to become a rape statistic. Instead, Reldnahc tries to punch Chris's weak point only for Chris to reveal that he removed his weakness, something the reader was already told about fourteen pages ago. Chris uses his psychic powers to throw Reldnahc off of him, at which point Chris's narration interrupts to tell the reader to just go back and read the fight scene at the start of the episode. While Chris fights Reldnahc pseudo-offscreen, the rest of the cast fights his army and wins easily because they're Mary Sue trash.

Chris pops out of Reldnahc's pocket dimension with the defeated Reldnahc in tow, and Chris then proceeds to explain that some of the Jerkops in the army were actually zombies (something he insists will be elaborated upon in Sonichu #14). As he is also talking about how he thinks Reldnahc can be "friended", Reldnahc vanishes into the ether. Cera has her picture taken with a Janekop she knocked out during the fighting, [[Chris and Reality| something Chris insists was Cera's idea, not his]]. Silvana returns the subspace cube to Chris, and Magi-chan explains that they were able to release around 1500 mind control victims from Graduon's control.

Chris ends the episode with both a tribute to [[Bob Chandler]] and his own coming out story, claiming to be the reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who went to Woodstock. The final page splash panel of Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu performing a musical number.

==Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up==
Back in August of 2009, Sonichu begins to tell [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]] about what happened the day he married Rosechu.

In the flashback, Rosechu is chatting anxiously with Bubbles and Angelica, concerned that something will go wrong, ignoring the fact that every female present seems to be wearing a a white dress similar to her own, a huge faux pas.
Bubbles and Angelica reassure her that nothing can possibly go wrong, whilst Simonla and Zapina go through the checklist of preparations. Why a child is assuming responsibility for wedding preparations is anybody's guess, but in a possibly related turn of events, the caterers have yet to show up and set up, causing no small amount of panic among the team.

Sonichu ponders with the guys over his future, and similar to the Rosechus, they do nothing but spout inane feel-good gibberish, with the exception of Magi-Chan who shows off that he can predict the exact moment Bubbles will appear. When she does, she informs Sonichu that Rosechu has stepped out for some fresh air and not to bother her.

Bubbles steps into the hallway to be inexplicably accosted by Spinarak (a common spider pokemon) after which she panics and floods the hallway with a Surf attack. She laments that she needs to dry her dress whilst in the other room Magi-Chan giggles over the impending misunderstanding whilst Sonichu searches for his phone in order to contact the missing caterers.

Sonichu walks into the room Bubbles is using to dry her dress, and for some reason Bubbles tries to hide herself (when she normally wanders around naked) and hands Sonichu his missing phone. At that same split second, the caters arrive and Rosechu wanders in on Sonichu and the naked Bubbles and her jaw drops in horror. Bubbles and Sonichu try to explain the situation, which Rosechu is quickly able to deduct as true and bursts into laughter, finding the situation funny. They decide the wedding will continue as planned.

We are soon treated to scenes and characters taken from Chris's classic [[Wedding_Comic|Wedding Comic]] including Canino Houndhowl - on old OC of [[Megan_Schroeder|Megan's]], a pair of cake-baking raptors of unknown genesis and finally Spas the cat who plays the organ. All the while, Blake is hiding in the rafters, creeping on Bubbles.

Chris stands as Father of the Bride and walks her down the altar, while Zapina replaces not only Ching Chong as the flower girl, but [[Crass_and_Champ|Crass & Champ]] as the Ring Bearer. Rev Elizabeth Foss proceeds to wed the two lovehogs by the power vested in her by God, Jesus and Cwcville.

'''NOTE:'''
''The Wedding scene was partially inspired by a fan comic, as depicted in the Comic Pages section.''

Cutting back to the conversation with [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]], Sonichu explains that he and Rosechu had their honeymoon at a local hotel, making it clear that Sonichu is just as cheap as his creator. He goes on to state that his marriage is an inspiration for [[Chris and Reality|thousands to millions]] of people and that he enjoys positive fanart. But sometimes he gets some gross and "heavy" fanart that reminded him of one specific time Rosechu was hospitalised.
He explains that in March 2008, the family were out shopping and Rosechu was by herself at JC Penny's carrying several boxes that obscured her vision. As a result, she lost her footing and fell down the stairs. One would think that with reflexes established in Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, she would have been able to bounce back and minimalize injury to herself, but apparently not.

As a bystander calls 911, Sonichu and Robbie wonder how they will avoid paying for the treadmill they just destroyed. Magi-Chan uses the power of deus ex machina to inform Sonichu and his daughters that Rosechu has been hurt. As they hasten to the scene, they are all brought to tears as Sonichu commits a big medical NO-NO and picks up his injured wife who cannot move, likely further damaging any broken bones she is sustaining.
Had her spine been injured, he very possibly may have caused irreparable damage.

It turns out both of Rosechu's legs are broken and all it takes is two weeks with casts on to fix her right up (in reality, even minor breaks in both legs would take several months to heal). Regardless, Rosechu returns home after a fortnight, and is dismayed to see she has gained a little weight. A few pounds as stated - which is negligible at best. Sonichu takes a moment to remind the reader that even if Rosechu had been horrifically disfigured as depicted in some of the nastier fan-art, he would still love and adore her.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and his girls have cooked a welcome-home feast for Rosechu, who is anxious that if she overeats she will gain more weight. Nobody passes comment on Robbie coming out as a trans-woman in the passing fortnight.

Rosechu sits herself at the table and immediately begins to gorge herself on all of the food whilst her family stare on in shock. Afterwards, sporting a hefty food-baby, she thanks them for the meal and goes to wash and get ready for bed. Sonichu hands Roberta $20 to get pizza whilst he tends to his wife. He asks Rosechu if everything is alright, concerned for her sudden massive appetite. Rosechu brushes him off and boasts she can fit into her skinny clothes before going on a tiradeabout how great food is.

Sonichu steps out of the story to inform us his daughters gave him a slice of pizza before jumping back in. Being the attentive husband he is, he pokes her food-baby to let her know that she's too fat for all her slimmer clothes. Rosechu, unsurprisingly bursts into tears and talks about how she doesn't want to be fat, but she felt obligated to eat the massive meal they had worked so hard on for her. Sonichu says he doesn't mind, and snuggles into her tummy and Rosechu, touched by his continued tenderness and affection, decides that perhaps he prefers her this way and considers not bothering to take the weight off after a text panel strongly implicates they had sex.

The next morning, Rosechu has inexplicably become obese literally overnight. Cera, tactless, jokingly asks if Rosechu is pregnant. Rosechu announces she is not pregnant, and wants to have a lazy first day home after her hospital stay and binge watch TV and play video games.

Cera is offended that her fat mother is content with her looks and tries to coax her into a fitness routine. Rosechu refuses, stating that after she's had her fun, she'll be back to work cooking for the family and that Cera is an ungrateful little shit for being upset that she's serving up Mexican food and caramel apples. After Cera tries one more time to get her mother on the treadmill, Rosechu simply leaves to make herself some pancakes.

Cera completely over-reacts and begins pestering Roberta, asking if she's seen Rosechu this morning. Roberta explains she and Christine spoke with Sonichu and have come to the reasonable conclusion not to force their mother to change when she's still recovering. Cera, still disgusted at the idea of having a fat cow for a mother, sends a vlog to her school informing them she's not going to be turning up because her mom is "big like Godzilla", and finishes by demanding Roberta get her homework for her, who complies.

Rosechu, meanwhile, orders cookies from Sandy and Zapina. She continues growing in size, and Cera simply joins in as well, feeling distraught about this entire situation. Later, on May 1st, Sonichu has a dream. He dreams that [[Count Graduon]] captured both Rosechu and Chris, and that he has to get through all three of his challenges. His first challenge is to swim down a river. When told to throw a cucumber into it, it's revealed that the river is made of [[pickle]] brine. He ends up getting really big and fat, not unlike his wife.

He then is told to get through a very narrow tunnel. He decides to do so, and for some inexplicable reason, the slime within it makes him thin out back to regular size. Finally, he is given two doors. One to save his beloved Rosechu, and the other to save Chris and CWCville. After an angsty dilemma, he ends up choosing Rosechu, who manages to help save Chris as well. They all get into a group hug, but Graduon isn't finished yet... However at that moment, Sonichu wakes up under his whale of a wife. He rolls her over somehow, and once she wakes up he explains his dream to her. She explains that since she prefers the active life (and that she's tired of her tail falling asleep), she is going to ditch the belly.

She goes downstairs and invites her daughter to join her in this journey, which she excitedly accepts. As the days go by, Rosechu and Cera somehow lose their considerable fat within less than 2 weeks (while [[Layla]] gains a lot of weight for some reason), and after some quick exposition, [[Sonic]] and [[Amy]] join the two for a total of two pages. They say goodbye and go home. Then, seemingly for no reason, it's revealed that Sonic was [[Silvana]] and Amy was a Ditto. This concludes Book 12.

==Comic pages==

<center>{{collapsible
|Comic pages
|<gallery perrow="3">
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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Development sketches
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 1.jpg
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 2.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|The Wedding Comic Chris ripped off
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:F1cover.jpg
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File:F1p01.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Night Star

2017-11-01T07:22:39Z

Res:

{{quote|LOVE my Night Star! The Dimension Breaker and Psychic-Type.|Chris on Miss Night Star<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/893568807880601600 "LOVE my Night Star! The Dimension Breaker and Psychic-Type."]</ref>}}
[[File:NightStarTrueandHonest.jpg|thumb|200px|Born [[Tomgirl Saga|female]], this is Chris' equine counterpart in a [[Chris and reality|parallel universe]].]]
Miss '''Night Star''' is the [[My Little Pony|ponysona]] of [[Chris]], originally created in [[June 2017]]. In designing her, Chris bravely decided to go in a new direction by making the character a colossal Mary Sue self-insert. She is "a unicorn with Levitation and other powers", and it supposedly has "all Psychic Powers possible", using these powers "for good". All this has thus far been demonstrated to mean is that unlike [[Comic Chris]], this particular self-insert avatar doesn't require arbitrary [[Amnyfest Ring|magical]] [[Sonichu Medallion|objects]] as a catalyst for her deific powers. Chris also insists she is "Psychic-Type" although she isn't a [[Pokémon]].

[[August 2017|Two months after her creation]], during the events of [[DoopieDoOver#Shot down|Doopiegate]], a mysterious [[Twitter]] account emerged with the online handle '''NightStar2891''', who defended Chris against the trolls. It didn't take a forensic analysis to raise some red flags about somebody heaping praise on Chris while pretending to be a heterochromic cartoon horse, and analysis from [[Kiwi Farms]] soon proved that the account holder was actually Chris using a sockpuppet account to [[white knight]] himself, which he later confirmed. Since attending [[BronyCon|Bronycon 2017]] in the same month, Chris has become [[Unicorn cosplay|increasingly invested]] in My Little Pony and his character.

==Conception==
[[File:NightStarCutieMark.png|thumb|left|150px|Night Star's cutie mark.]]
Since [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]'s introduction of My Little Pony to Chris in [[2007]], Chris has created a number of [[My Little Pony#Gallery|''original'' pony characters]]. With the rising popularity of ''Friendship is Magic'' (also known as Generation 4) from [[2010]], Chris has embraced the show; however, he did not develop an original G4 character for several years. With the results of two My Little Pony quizzes, which generated a finite set of character names and [[My Little Pony#Cutie mark|cutie marks]] based on the questions answered, Chris gained the incentive to create a new character.<ref>[[2017 tweets#Night Star begins|Name origin]]</ref><ref>[[June 2017 Facebook posts#Chris's MLP mark|Cutie mark origin]]</ref>

In June 2017, Chris drew art of himself as a My Little Pony character, dubbing his character "Miss Night Star". The next day, he drew fanart of Night Star crossing over with the official characters of the My Little Pony television show. He included a likeness of Andrea Libman, voice actress for the female ponies in the drawing, and tweeted it to her.<ref>[[June 2017 tweets#Chris/MLP crossover page]]</ref>

Another day later, Chris shared a new drawing of his OC - clearly by [[Chris and art|another person]] and lacking credit to the artist.<ref>[[June 2017 tweets#Night Star fanart]]</ref> On [[Kiwi Farms]], user borbera proved that they were the artist, claiming that Chris did not express any gratitude for the work.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/tweet-6-3-chriss-pony-self.31304/page-13#post-2321148 "Lol he didn't thank me </3 proof"]</ref> In August of the same year, Chris shared another fan drawing, once again without credit.<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/893568665442017282 August 2017 tweet]</ref> Following probing by a [[User:Rossticus|ween]] with regards to the latter art's creator, Chris saw fit to bring his sockpuppet account into the spotlight.<ref>[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/893629626555052032 The sockpuppet account emerges]</ref>
<center><gallery>

File:Night Star Fan Art.png|Shared in June 2017

File:NightStar2.jpg|Shared on 4 August 2017 (later revealed to be Chris' genuine creation)

</gallery></center>

==Twitter sockpuppet==
{{see also|NightStar2891 tweets|NightStar2891 leaked DMs‎}}

{{quote|"I am an admirer of Miss Chandler and her work. If you're saying She drew my piece based on her character, you are thrown Off, Sir."|Chris, white knighting himself while pretending to be a cartoon pony<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/893629626555052032</ref>}}

[[File:NotNightStar.PNG|thumb|Chris's bulletproof cover story.]]

During the events of the Doopie Saga, users on Kiwi Farms discovered that Chris had made a [[Twitter]] [[Disguises|sockpuppet account]] named after his pony character in early August 2017, [https://twitter.com/nightstar2891 @NightStar2891]. Chris used the account to [[white knight|defend]] himself against trolls, supporting his claims to still being friends with Doopie, affirming his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], and all but directly [[calling out|calling Doopie out]] for leaking the [[Doopie E-mails]] to Kiwi Farms.

On 7 August, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] obtained screencaps from "Night Star" of her supposed private conversations with Chris (i.e. [[Chris and Health#Mental health|Chris talking to himself]]),<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref> which Night Star gave as proof of being a different person. Later that day, Chris and Night Star both reasserted that they were not the same person. In an additional attempt to prove that Night Star wasn't him, Chris gave the person allegedly behind the account a fake biography. Details include "Night Star" having a [[Crystal Weston Chandler|sister]] named Gloria, growing up in [[Richmond]], and earning a degree in [[Magi-chan|"psychological arts"]] at the [[University of Virginia]] before getting a job at [[McDonald's]] (presumably due to earning a [[CADD|useless degree]] in a field that [[Honor roll|doesn't exist]]).

Later, on 9 August, Chris claimed explained that "Night Star", whose "real" first name he revealed to be '''Emily''' (not to be confused with the troll [[Emily]]), had not tweeted for the last few days because she had been scared off of Twitter by people claiming she was Chris. He blamed the trolls for ruining their supposed [[Gal pal|friendship]] and claimed he scared her away when he went to the McDonald's at which she worked. The 9 August tweets showed the extent of Chris's dedication to making his sockpuppet seem real, but also an uncharacteristic self-awareness on Chris's part that he is so socially inept that he even frightens fictional women.

=== Chris spills the beans ===

On 15 August, 2017, after leaving BronyCon, Chris revealed that the Night Star account was made by him in order to continue contact with [[DoopieDoOver]] and various [[My Little Pony]] voice actors who had blocked him, as well as to white-knight himself on [[Twitter]]. He made an apology letter explaining that [[Chris and remorse|he felt guilty]] for making the account after watching the MLP episode "Fame and Misfortune".

<center><gallery>
Image:NightStarApologyLetter1.png
Image:NightStarApologyLetter2.png
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible|Transcript|An Open Letter to all Twitter Followers:

Dearest People,

Confession Time: Originally Intended for laying low, and to keep a distant bond, still, on a few hurt individuals I like and cared about, after that one-tweet-wonder mess... This Twitter account, @NightStar2891, Is me, Christine Chandler. Again, that mentioned twee was truly with my heart in the right place, to share appreciation for and of the women I've been able to make contact and acquaintance with. Then some other people took wrongful attack upon them at my expense. I felt terrible about that. Two of them blocked me, but hater-informed in that. I pray they will unblock and open up to me again soon. This also is reflected in the MLP Season 7 episode "Fame & Misfortune", the mane six, or five of them, were not used to being criticized, overly, by fan ponies, as well as misread and misunderstood. I, too, felt All This as early 2007; "I'm popular, and I don't like it," said Applejack, and how Rarity overreacted; Fluttershy having to explain herself repeatedly... All That Was Me, and it took a long time to adjust and become resistant to the hate, I Am in control of how these various reactions to my Sonichu and self, content make me feel and react. I try to not let the Critics get to me anymore. And everyone affected by the misunderstood Tweet of mine, you all have control to not let the haters and Trolls affect you at all. too.

Continued...

This Night Star Twitter was a lay-low alternative for me after that fiasco. I was Not originally going to Tweet from it. Then one of the trolls contacted me; I was tempted to Troll the Trolls now. Dumb: Me. Pffft. But the Trolls, on their forum, have admitted to being well-confused with my characters creation of this Richmond gal with a UVA degree working around and around. I can be quite the actress. Even In Simulating Other Fonts from other people. Regardless, lying all that was wrong of me, and I am sorry for lying in this.

And, as I was finally able to share at BronyCon, with a lot of people, I am, by default, a kind, understanding, compassionate, heart-in-the-right-place person & individual. And I enjoy sharing genuine, pleasant smiles, moments and memories with others, and my heart is open. I would delight in all of us putting this Twitter mishap set behind us and moving on towards being better people. Thank you.

Sincerely, and with all my heart with love, I'm Sorry,

Miss Christine W. Chandler.}}

When questioned by Twitter users regarding his dubious masquerade, Chris responded, saying:

{{quotebox|The style in the Night Star piece in the avatar and banner; I made those too, with help from references online to assemble in photoshop. 😊}}

As an apology to Doopie for once again being a massive creep, Chris shared with her a drawing of an OC he made called "Bubble Gummy". An unnamed OC was also tweeted to MLP voice actor Tabitha St. Germain, who had blocked Chris's main account as well. Both images were captioned:

{{quotebox|An apology piece for you, dear.}}

The gambit failed, as both Doopie and Tabitha promptly blocked his Night Star account.

=== LadyOfTheCosmo ===
{{main|LadyOfTheCosmo#Night Star}}

After being [[stress|stressed out]] by his conversation with [[LadyOfTheCosmo]], Chris decided to use the Night Star account again. He proceeded to talk to himself in a series of several tweets, before attempting to justify that as an "Example of how the terms ["dear" and "darling"] should be accepted".

=== Subsequent use ===
After [[Chris and socialization#Jessi Nowack|Nowacking]] blocked Chris on Twitter, Chris used Night Star to follow her.

On 2 September 2017, Chris started to use this account to schizophrenically white knight himself against trolls. Posting several screencaps of weens responding to previous tweets of his, he tweeted:

{{quotebox|See How Christine Chandler is actually being Supportive, and yet the Trolls do all of the Harassing to separate people.}}

==BronyMate account==
On 27 August 2017, Chris created an account on brony dating site [[BronyMate]] named "NightStar1982".

==In the comic==
[[File:Spike Sonichu0 2.jpg|thumb|200px|"What the fuck did I just read?"]]
[[File:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|thumb|200px]]

In a [[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content|Captain's Log]] published on 14 August 2017, Chris revealed that he intends to include Night Star in his upcoming [[Sonichu 12-9]] comic. The special will feature Night Star's youth and events leading up to the present day. Whether Night Star will interact with his more recognized characters remains unknown.

On 22 August, Chris uploaded two images to [[Twitter]] showing a revised cover of [[Sonichu 0]], in which Night Star replaces his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|self-insert]]. In addition, "I will! Thank you, mother!" replaces the infamous cover dialogue.

On 25 August, Chris uploaded the new cover for Sonichu 12-9, which shows Night Star standing in the middle of a dirt road to Equestria. The cover was also accompanied by a synopsis, describing the [[Chris and his Ego|character with far-fetched Mary Sue traits]]:

{{quotebox|Introducing Night Star, of Equestria; a unique Unicorn with the ability to open dimension portals to view into, and visit, other dimensions and worlds; she can view Our internet and YouTube videos through one, like an instant PC monitor. She also has all Psychic Powers possible. And, as an artist herself, and linked to myself, Christine Chandler, mentally, and visually through a portal, she draws and writes the "Sonichu" Comic Book series in Equestria (replace me with her; transformation to Chris Chan Sonichu, still the same, and all humans with ponies and horses. Night Star may be considered overpowered, but she still has her flaws (not autism or aspergers, period), and she uses her powers for good. Look forward to her life story (shortened), plus a day in Ponyville and around, in the next "Sonichu" after completeing #12. Thank You for your loyalty and patience. I am a Proud Pegasister in the Brony Herd Community!<ref>[[August_2017_Patreon_posts#Sonichu_12-9_cover_commentary]]</ref>}}

Later, after entering a relationship with [[Jessica Quinn]], Chris revealed his plans to include them both in the comic. Her ponysona is named "Diamond Melody".

{{quotebox|Second thing for right now: my Sweetheart and I, both have an MLP OC; we are shipped for real. I'm getting the ball rolling with this fresh piece of the two of us; I would like to see us in other lovingly done art styles. I have seen a LOT of MLP ship art that is Just Amazing. I'm a unicorn with Levitation and other powers; she's a pegasus; Please, Bronies and Pegasisters: Make us look as great as y'all can.}}

{{clear}}

==Art==
Chris has created several pieces of art featuring Night Star. He claims to have experimented with Photoshop software to create some of his gallery:<ref>[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/897847619581603840 Photoshop claim]</ref>

<center><gallery>

Image:Miss_Night_Star.jpeg|Chris's pony form manages to be uglier than his original [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Mary]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sues]].

Image:Night Star crossover MLP.jpeg|With Pinkie Pie (and VA counterpart Andrea Libman).

Image:NightStarTwitterBanner.jpg|Banner used on sockpuppet Twitter account.

Image:NightStarBorb.png|With [[Barbara Chandler|Sugar Darling]] and [[Bob Chandler|Gallop Crush]].

Image:NightStarUnknownOC.jpg

File:OpenLetter.jpg|An angry response to [[LadyOfTheCosmo]].

File:Quinn CWC ponies.jpg|With [[Jessica Quinn|Diamond Melody]].

File:NightStarEquestriaGirl.jpg|As an ''Equestria Girl''.

File:Night Star Rosechu.png|As a Rosechu.

File:Night Star Rosechu runs.jpg|Night Star Rosechu racing MLP characters.

File:Night Star and ILoveKPaLot.jpg|Schmoozing MLP fandom contributor ILoveKPaLot.

</gallery></center>

===BronyCon Tributes===
[[Heart level|Reinvigorated]] by the events of BronyCon, Chris took to social media and posted art of his character mingling with the ponysonas of the panel guests:

<center><gallery>

File:Night Star & Wishing Wasp.jpg|With Wishing Wisp (aka [[Avalon Porter]]).

File:CMC Drawing.jpg|With the Cutie Mark Crusaders (aka Michelle Creber, Claire Corlett, and Madeleine Peters).

File:KSheridan Drawing.jpg|With Starlight Glimmer (aka Kelly Sheridan).

</gallery></center>

==Fan art==

In addition to well-wishers sharing their art with Chris, other [[Troll|fans]] sought to present [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] interpretations of Miss Night Star:

{{collapsible

|Gallery of Miss Night Star fan art (some NSFW)|

<center><gallery>

Image:Nightstar 24 august fanart.jpg|Chris shared this on 24 August 2017

Image:NightStarFanart1.jpg|Added to the "Lovely Fan Art" Facebook gallery

Image:NightStar3.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar4.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar5.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar6.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarFanart2.jpeg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanart3.jpg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanart4.jpg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanartkaylarei.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart1.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart2.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart3.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarSuperKawaii.jpg|” ”

File:NightStarSeaPony.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarTrue.png

Image:NightStarPickle.png

Image:ShecameforNightStar.jpg

Image:NightStarTrueColors.png

Image:CWCNightStarParody.jpg

Image:ChrisOverhearingNightstar.png

</gallery></center>}}

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony]]
*[[BronyCon]]
*[[Unicorn cosplay]]
*[[TwiSparLicious]]
*[[JenkinsJinkies]]
*[[Chloe]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891 NightStar2891] on [[Twitter]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}

Night Star

2017-10-09T06:31:19Z

Res:

{{quote|LOVE my Night Star! The Dimension Breaker and Psychic-Type.|Chris on Miss Night Star<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/893568807880601600 "LOVE my Night Star! The Dimension Breaker and Psychic-Type."]</ref>}}
[[File:NightStarTrueandHonest.jpg|thumb|200px|Born [[Tomgirl Saga|female]], this is Chris' equine counterpart in a [[Chris and reality|parallel universe]].]]
Miss '''Night Star''' is the [[My Little Pony|ponysona]] of [[Chris]], originally created in [[June 2017]]. In designing her, Chris bravely decided to go in a new direction and make the character a colossal Mary Sue self-insert. She is "a unicorn with Levitation and other powers", and it supposedly has "all Psychic Powers possible", using these powers "for good". All this has thus far been demonstrated to mean is that unlike [[Comic Chris]], this particular self-insert avatar doesn't require arbitrary [[Amnyfest Ring|magical]] [[Sonichu Medallion|objects]] as a catalyst for her deific powers. Chris also insists she is "Psychic-Type" when she isn't a [[Pokemon]].

[[August 2017|Two months later]], during the events of [[DoopieDoOver#Shot down|Doopiegate]], a mysterious [[Twitter]] account emerged with the online handle '''NightStar2891''', who defended Chris against the trolls. It didn't take a forensic analysis to raise some red flags about somebody heaping praise on Chris while pretending to be a heterochromic cartoon horse, and analysis from [[Kiwi Farms]] soon proved that the account holder was actually Chris using a sockpuppet account to [[white knight]] himself, which he later confirmed. Since attending [[BronyCon|Bronycon 2017]] in the same month, Chris has become [[Unicorn cosplay|increasingly invested]] in My Little Pony and his character.

==Conception==
[[File:NightStarCutieMark.png|thumb|left|150px|Night Star's cutie mark.]]
Since [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]'s introduction of My Little Pony to Chris in [[2007]], Chris has created a number of [[My Little Pony#Gallery|''original'' pony characters]]. With the rising popularity of ''Friendship is Magic'' (also known as Generation 4) from [[2010]], Chris has embraced the show; however, he did not develop an original G4 character for several years. With the results of two My Little Pony quizzes, which generated a finite set of character names and [[My Little Pony#Cutie mark|cutie marks]] based on the questions answered, Chris gained the incentive to create a new character.<ref>[[2017 tweets#Night Star begins|Name origin]]</ref><ref>[[June 2017 Facebook posts#Chris's MLP mark|Cutie mark origin]]</ref>

In June 2017, Chris drew art of himself as a My Little Pony character, dubbing his character "Miss Night Star". The next day, he drew fanart of Night Star crossing over with the official characters of the My Little Pony television show. He included a likeness of Andrea Libman, voice actress for the female ponies in the drawing, and tweeted it to her.<ref>[[June 2017 tweets#Chris/MLP crossover page]]</ref>

Another day later, Chris shared a new drawing of his OC - clearly by [[Chris and art|another person]] and lacking credit to the artist.<ref>[[June 2017 tweets#Night Star fanart]]</ref> On [[Kiwi Farms]], user borbera proved that they were the artist, claiming that Chris did not express any gratitude for the work.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/tweet-6-3-chriss-pony-self.31304/page-13#post-2321148 "Lol he didn't thank me </3 proof"]</ref> In August of the same year, Chris shared another fan drawing, once again without credit.<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/893568665442017282 August 2017 tweet]</ref> Following probing by a [[User:Rossticus|ween]] with regards to the latter art's creator, Chris saw fit to bring his sockpuppet account into the spotlight.<ref>[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/893629626555052032 The sockpuppet account emerges]</ref>
<center><gallery>

File:Night Star Fan Art.png|Shared in June 2017

File:NightStar2.jpg|Shared on 4 August 2017 (later revealed to be Chris' genuine creation)

</gallery></center>

==Twitter sockpuppet==
{{see also|NightStar2891 tweets|NightStar2891 leaked DMs‎}}

{{quote|"I am an admirer of Miss Chandler and her work. If you're saying She drew my piece based on her character, you are thrown Off, Sir."|Chris, white knighting himself while pretending to be a cartoon pony<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/893629626555052032</ref>}}

[[File:NotNightStar.PNG|thumb|Chris's bulletproof cover story.]]

During the events of the Doopie Saga, users on Kiwi Farms discovered that Chris had made a [[Twitter]] [[Disguises|sockpuppet account]] named after his pony character in early August 2017, [https://twitter.com/nightstar2891 @NightStar2891]. Chris used the account to [[white knight|defend]] himself against trolls, supporting his claims to still being friends with Doopie, affirming his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], and all but directly [[calling out|calling Doopie out]] for leaking the [[Doopie E-mails]] to Kiwi Farms.

On 7 August, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] obtained screencaps from "Night Star" of her supposed private conversations with Chris (i.e. [[Chris and Health#Mental health|Chris talking to himself]]),<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref> which Night Star gave as proof of being a different person. Later that day, Chris and Night Star both reasserted that they were not the same person. In an additional attempt to prove that Night Star wasn't him, Chris gave the person allegedly behind the account a fake biography. Details include "Night Star" having a [[Crystal Weston Chandler|sister]] named Gloria, growing up in [[Richmond]], and earning a degree in [[Magi-chan|"psychological arts"]] at the [[University of Virginia]] before getting a job at [[McDonald's]] (presumably due to earning a [[CADD|useless degree]] in a field that [[Honor roll|doesn't exist]]).

Later, on 9 August, Chris claimed explained that "Night Star", whose "real" first name he revealed to be '''Emily''' (not to be confused with the troll [[Emily]]), had not tweeted for the last few days because she had been scared off of Twitter by people claiming she was Chris. He blamed the trolls for ruining their supposed [[Gal pal|friendship]] and claimed he scared her away when he went to the McDonald's at which she worked. The 9 August tweets showed the extent of Chris's dedication to making his sockpuppet seem real, but also an uncharacteristic self-awareness on Chris's part that he is so socially inept that he even frightens fictional women.

=== Chris spills the beans ===

On 15 August, 2017, after leaving BronyCon, Chris revealed that the Night Star account was made by him in order to continue contact with [[DoopieDoOver]] and various [[My Little Pony]] voice actors who had blocked him, as well as to white-knight himself on [[Twitter]]. He made an apology letter explaining that [[Chris and remorse|he felt guilty]] for making the account after watching the MLP episode "Fame and Misfortune".

<center><gallery>
Image:NightStarApologyLetter1.png
Image:NightStarApologyLetter2.png
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible|Transcript|An Open Letter to all Twitter Followers:

Dearest People,

Confession Time: Originally Intended for laying low, and to keep a distant bond, still, on a few hurt individuals I like and cared about, after that one-tweet-wonder mess... This Twitter account, @NightStar2891, Is me, Christine Chandler. Again, that mentioned twee was truly with my heart in the right place, to share appreciation for and of the women I've been able to make contact and acquaintance with. Then some other people took wrongful attack upon them at my expense. I felt terrible about that. Two of them blocked me, but hater-informed in that. I pray they will unblock and open up to me again soon. This also is reflected in the MLP Season 7 episode "Fame & Misfortune", the mane six, or five of them, were not used to being criticized, overly, by fan ponies, as well as misread and misunderstood. I, too, felt All This as early 2007; "I'm popular, and I don't like it," said Applejack, and how Rarity overreacted; Fluttershy having to explain herself repeatedly... All That Was Me, and it took a long time to adjust and become resistant to the hate, I Am in control of how these various reactions to my Sonichu and self, content make me feel and react. I try to not let the Critics get to me anymore. And everyone affected by the misunderstood Tweet of mine, you all have control to not let the haters and Trolls affect you at all. too.

Continued...

This Night Star Twitter was a lay-low alternative for me after that fiasco. I was Not originally going to Tweet from it. Then one of the trolls contacted me; I was tempted to Troll the Trolls now. Dumb: Me. Pffft. But the Trolls, on their forum, have admitted to being well-confused with my characters creation of this Richmond gal with a UVA degree working around and around. I can be quite the actress. Even In Simulating Other Fonts from other people. Regardless, lying all that was wrong of me, and I am sorry for lying in this.

And, as I was finally able to share at BronyCon, with a lot of people, I am, by default, a kind, understanding, compassionate, heart-in-the-right-place person & individual. And I enjoy sharing genuine, pleasant smiles, moments and memories with others, and my heart is open. I would delight in all of us putting this Twitter mishap set behind us and moving on towards being better people. Thank you.

Sincerely, and with all my heart with love, I'm Sorry,

Miss Christine W. Chandler.}}

When questioned by Twitter users regarding his dubious masquerade, Chris responded, saying:

{{quotebox|The style in the Night Star piece in the avatar and banner; I made those too, with help from references online to assemble in photoshop. 😊}}

As an apology to Doopie for once again being a massive creep, Chris shared with her a drawing of an OC he made called "Bubble Gummy". An unnamed OC was also tweeted to MLP voice actor Tabitha St. Germain, who had blocked Chris's main account as well. Both images were captioned:

{{quotebox|An apology piece for you, dear.}}

The gambit failed, as both Doopie and Tabitha promptly blocked his Night Star account.

=== LadyOfTheCosmo ===
{{main|LadyOfTheCosmo#Night Star}}

After being [[stress|stressed out]] by his conversation with [[LadyOfTheCosmo]], Chris decided to use the Night Star account again. He proceeded to talk to himself in a series of several tweets, before attempting to justify that as an "Example of how the terms ["dear" and "darling"] should be accepted".

=== Subsequent use ===
After [[Chris and socialization#Jessi Nowack|Nowacking]] blocked Chris on Twitter, Chris used Night Star to follow her.

On 2 September 2017, Chris started to use this account to schizophrenically white knight himself against trolls. Posting several screencaps of weens responding to previous tweets of his, he tweeted:

{{quotebox|See How Christine Chandler is actually being Supportive, and yet the Trolls do all of the Harassing to separate people.}}

==BronyMate account==
On 27 August 2017, Chris created an account on brony dating site [[BronyMate]] named "NightStar1982".

==In the comic==
[[File:Spike Sonichu0 2.jpg|thumb|200px|"What the fuck did I just read?"]]
[[File:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|thumb|200px]]

In a [[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content|Captain's Log]] published on 14 August 2017, Chris revealed that he intends to include Night Star in his upcoming [[Sonichu 12-9]] comic. The special will feature Night Star's youth and events leading up to the present day. Whether Night Star will interact with his more recognized characters remains unknown.

On 22 August, Chris uploaded two images to [[Twitter]] showing a revised cover of [[Sonichu 0]], in which Night Star replaces his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|self-insert]]. In addition, "I will! Thank you, mother!" replaces the infamous cover dialogue.

On 25 August, Chris uploaded the new cover for Sonichu 12-9, which shows Night Star standing in the middle of a dirt road to Equestria. The cover was also accompanied by a synopsis, describing the [[Chris and his Ego|character with far-fetched Mary Sue traits]]:

{{quotebox|Introducing Night Star, of Equestria; a unique Unicorn with the ability to open dimension portals to view into, and visit, other dimensions and worlds; she can view Our internet and YouTube videos through one, like an instant PC monitor. She also has all Psychic Powers possible. And, as an artist herself, and linked to myself, Christine Chandler, mentally, and visually through a portal, she draws and writes the "Sonichu" Comic Book series in Equestria (replace me with her; transformation to Chris Chan Sonichu, still the same, and all humans with ponies and horses. Night Star may be considered overpowered, but she still has her flaws (not autism or aspergers, period), and she uses her powers for good. Look forward to her life story (shortened), plus a day in Ponyville and around, in the next "Sonichu" after completeing #12. Thank You for your loyalty and patience. I am a Proud Pegasister in the Brony Herd Community!<ref>[[August_2017_Patreon_posts#Sonichu_12-9_cover_commentary]]</ref>}}

Later, after entering a relationship with [[Jessica Quinn]], Chris revealed his plans to include them both in the comic. Her ponysona is named "Diamond Melody".

{{quotebox|Second thing for right now: my Sweetheart and I, both have an MLP OC; we are shipped for real. I'm getting the ball rolling with this fresh piece of the two of us; I would like to see us in other lovingly done art styles. I have seen a LOT of MLP ship art that is Just Amazing. I'm a unicorn with Levitation and other powers; she's a pegasus; Please, Bronies and Pegasisters: Make us look as great as y'all can.}}

{{clear}}

==Art==
Chris has created several pieces of art featuring Night Star. He claims to have experimented with Photoshop software to create some of his gallery:<ref>[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/897847619581603840 Photoshop claim]</ref>

<center><gallery>

Image:Miss_Night_Star.jpeg|Chris's pony form manages to be uglier than his original [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Mary]] [[Sonichu (character)|Sues]].

Image:Night Star crossover MLP.jpeg|With Pinkie Pie (and VA counterpart Andrea Libman).

Image:NightStarTwitterBanner.jpg|Banner used on sockpuppet Twitter account.

Image:NightStarBorb.png|With [[Barbara Chandler|Sugar Darling]] and [[Bob Chandler|Gallop Crush]].

Image:NightStarUnknownOC.jpg

File:OpenLetter.jpg|An angry response to [[LadyOfTheCosmo]].

File:Quinn CWC ponies.jpg|With [[Jessica Quinn|Diamond Melody]].

File:NightStarEquestriaGirl.jpg|As an ''Equestria Girl''.

</gallery></center>

===BronyCon Tributes===
[[Heart level|Reinvigorated]] by the events of BronyCon, Chris took to social media and posted art of his character mingling with the ponysonas of the panel guests:

<center><gallery>

File:Night Star & Wishing Wasp.jpg|With Wishing Wisp (aka [[Avalon Porter]]).

File:CMC Drawing.jpg|With the Cutie Mark Crusaders (aka Michelle Creber, Claire Corlett, and Madeleine Peters).

File:KSheridan Drawing.jpg|With Starlight Glimmer (aka Kelly Sheridan).

</gallery></center>

==Fan art==

In addition to well-wishers sharing their art with Chris, other [[Troll|fans]] sought to present [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] interpretations of Miss Night Star:

{{collapsible

|Gallery of Miss Night Star fan art (some NSFW)|

<center><gallery>

Image:Nightstar 24 august fanart.jpg|Chris shared this on 24 August 2017

Image:NightStarFanart1.jpg|Added to the "Lovely Fan Art" Facebook gallery

Image:NightStar3.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar4.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar5.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStar6.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarFanart2.jpeg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanart3.jpg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanart4.jpg|” ”

Image:Nightstarfanartkaylarei.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart1.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart2.jpg|” ”

Image:Thomaswfanart3.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarSuperKawaii.jpg|” ”

File:NightStarSeaPony.jpg|” ”

Image:NightStarTrue.png

Image:NightStarPickle.png

Image:ShecameforNightStar.jpg

Image:NightStarTrueColors.png

Image:CWCNightStarParody.jpg

Image:ChrisOverhearingNightstar.png

</gallery></center>}}

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony]]
*[[BronyCon]]
*[[Unicorn cosplay]]
*[[TwiSparLicious]]
*[[JenkinsJinkies]]
*[[Chloe]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://twitter.com/NightStar2891 NightStar2891] on [[Twitter]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}

CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1

2017-10-08T21:55:36Z

Res:

'''CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1''' is a video Chris uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 4 October, 2017. It is a 50-minute-long Q&A he live streamed after he made an account on [[Kiwi Farms]] and posted there, asking for questions to answer. He addresses, if not answers, most of the questions posted, except for any having to do with [[Jessica Quinn|Jessica]]. It is customarily drenched in incorrect phrase usage and [[random-access humor]].

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Creating CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=vWyuL95_Ek0}}
| stardate = 4 October 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Love is Love
| previous = [[Jessica Quinn#Break-up|Reaction to Quinn threatening a break-up]]
| next = [[IMG 5424‎‎]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.}}

===Transcription===
Welcome to another CLog video, Stardate 10042017. This is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again. And before I begin... was obviously something that y'all been looking forward to since I end up making this thread full announcement. First off, yes that was me on the aforementioned [[Kiwi Farms]]. I made the one post. I shall never make another post again on that web forum, but I felt need to establish that I am to face the trolls, good and bad, 'cause we're all still individual people. And very importantly, I do this because this is like... eventually happening, been waiting to happen -- I face my demons of the past have been lingering on to me for so many years.

I have not been able to, since I was [[naive]], either in regular -- ''[stammers]'' even in regular or superpowers. I have to -- I still need to address these concerns individually, be it they question I need to answer so we could get their knowledge aforementionedly answered, and then we can move forward, and thus allowing me to ultimately find true peace of mind and solace between me and my sweetheart. And of which she has definitely voiced concerns against me doing this, but this is something that just -- was going to eventually be done anyway. So to you, my sweetie -- I'm -- yeah, while your comments between our back and forth earlier today, they did sting me quite a bit, but I do this for us, my love, believe you me. My heart, my soul, is in the right place.

I will not reveal specific details or personal information as I answer the following questions. No names [of] other people will be mentioned, and if there's any that are mentioned in the questions that I will be answering then those questions shall be overlooked. And I might be -- I might overstep my boundaries by saying that I will probably do a Q&A video every week, but if I am unable to, I will at my own pace, whenever I can, answer a -- answer a question on a Facebook post -- which, a link to that will be on my Twitter following -- so that question will be answered there. If there is a question that has been asked before this time that has been answered and it is repeated in this one thread -- then you better quote me on answering that question.

Also to mention, this is definitely a long time coming for me because I ended up being so deep into this mess of trolls and cyberbullies, I broke the number one rule that I should've learned when all this mess started in late 2007: ignore the trolls! They -- ignore them! But at that time I just could not and I ended up being blackmailed, being deceived, so much content -- miscontent leaked from me. I look face to face in each and every one of those times and moments. I do regret the majority of them, but they have happened. They are in the past. They shouldn't be -- they should never be brought up again, especially in harassing me or harassing other people at my expense, because I am so much better than that and I made that perfectly clear in the one thread post that I've made earlier today.

====Question 1: How would you change your Future Message?====

Okay so without further ado, we'll answer some questions. But firstly, two questions that were proposed to me off of Twitter, one of which:

"If there was anything you could change in your [[Future Message]] that you had made on your 25th birthday, what would it be?"

Well what would they be? I might have to rewatch it and give more details into that, but initially I would definitely remove the "stay straight" and swap that with "find yourself for who you are, whether you be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans -- whatever. You are you. You are individual. You should love, accept, appreciate yourself. As I have found is in myself and I learned to love and accept myself, and it has been so much better for me ever since I came out in June or July of [[2014]] as a [[Sexuality|lesbian]] [[Tomgirl_Saga|trans woman]]."

====Question 2: What would you say to Bob?====

And the other question: if there was anything that, uh...

"Was there anything you wish you could have said to your father [[Bob|Mr. Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] before he passed on?"

I gave that some thought. I have a valid response, because this actually happened to me long before he passed on, a few years before. "Well sir, I predicted you would not have passed on until middle of 2015. So don't bail us on yet, soldier. Don't bail out on us yet." That is one thing I wish I could have said to my father as I had left him that fateful afternoon at the Martha Jefferson Hospital. ''[pauses to gather self, then softly]'' I miss him every day.

====Question 3: Making Sonichu into a commercial work====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650869 You seem to be interested in making Sonichu into a commercial work. Turning a fan comic into a commercial work requires a lot of effort. You'll need to speak with lawyers and purge or rewrite some sections of the comic to make it legal, copyright-wise. For example, you'll need to clear out all references to Sonic and Pikachu. Is that worth it for you? How far would you be willing to go to publish Sonichu professionally? If you are willing to go that far, what would the Sonichu comics be like? Do you have any ideas for a legal-to-publish Sonichu series?]"]''

''[recovering and sniffling]'' All right, moving on, uh -- we -- I'll answer the first question. I'm not refreshing on the -- I am on the very last page of this thread, on that forum right now, so I'm gonna start with the last question, of which I was uncomfortable answering but I feel like I have a good idea, a better answer to that question. So, all right, so...

"You seem interested in [[Chris and copyright|making Sonichu into a commercial work]]. Making it that way requires a lot of effort: speaking with lawyers, purge or rewrite some sections... is that worth it for you? How far would you be willing to go to publish Sonichu professionally? And if I was willing to go that far, how would the Sonichu comics be like? Did they have any ideas for... legal to publish?"

Well, I tell you this: despite efforts, I think that that would be minimal, because I had not received complaints -- from neither Nintendo or Sega ''[cut]'' -- book's original first publication on the Internet in 2004. Obviously more than 13 years have passed since then. So it is a -- ''[puts finger to lips and hums]'' -- so I feel like it is good, equal game, especially since my characters are more accepted around the world, and everywhere. And we are still continuing on in that. Nothing will be past edited ''[?]'', and if we ever should need a Sonic character in the future, it will not be directly the characters themselves, but somebody else from within my series who could portray said characters in the book. That's definitely one way to keep it safe.

So like in that one flashback with ''[imitates Beavis and Butthead]'' "Hey fat kid, check it out, somebody left their locker open..." ''[grunting in reply]'' You could say we have two... [[Pokemon|Dittos]] pretending to be Beavis and Butthead. ''[imitating characters again]'' "Ditto Ditto Ditto..." hehe... "WHAM!"

====Question 4: Have you ever thought about applying for Section 8 housing?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650698 Hi Christine, thanks for joining the forum! Have you ever thought about applying for Section 8 housing? If you apply and are accepted it will be years before you're actually offered housing because the waiting list is very long. The worst thing that can happen when they finally do offer it to you is that you tell them that you don't need housing at that moment. But it would be a good thing to apply now and having that option down the road if needed.]"]''

Mmkay. Moving on from this question, let's see here... mm... yes... well I'll answer this one, it's just -- it's over my head, over my knowledge, but:

"Have you ever thought about applying for Section 8 housing?"

Um... as far as I'm concerned, I'll take that under consideration, but at the moment -- at this present time I am not looking to move out, just yet. Eventually I may, but that is still years later. I can't say for certain right now.

====Question 5: Would you like to visit the UK?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650697 As a British ladyperson myself (wot wot pip pip tally ho apples and pears and all that) I always wondered what draws you towards British culture so much? I know you've always had a love of Monty Python and apparently have British lineage, but I've noticed recently you've started using more 'Britishisms' in the way you type and talk. Would you ever like to visit the UK, and if so where? Do you have an opinion on Brexit? Also, do you dig the accent? I have a feeling you might!]"]''

All right, moving on, let's see... hm... okay:

"Would you ever like to visit the UK?"

And this is a question from a ''[bad fake British accent]'' "British ladyperson." I would say, yes, I would very much like to visit jolly old England -- London -- see the Big Ben, and all the fancy sights, like -- ''[funny voice]'' Number One! Number Seventeen! Cherry Tree Lane! Or... n'of ''[?]''... the banks and ''[singsong]'' Mary Poppins! Mary Poppins. That was a fun, funny one. So many positive things from the UK, Britain, uh, that would definitely be a good place I'd like to visit.

====Question 6: Should women be strong?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650694 Now you are a woman, do you still value your strength? Do you believe women should be physically strong?]"]''

All right, moving on. Hmm...

"As a woman, value my strength, believe should be physically strong to women?"

You know what? YES! Ladies, do as you feel! If you want to be strong then go for it. You are rockin' and you are supported.

====Question 7: Interested in SNES or NES Classic?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650687 First, do you have any interest in the SNES Classic now that it's released and available?]"]''

Uh, let's see... hmm... okay. S'a bit -- but uh -- this is okay. All right.

"Interested in the SNES Classic or the NES Classic?"

A bit, but I think I'd rather go for a retcon ''[?]'' console and get the individual cartridges so that I'm not limited. Why why -- if I ever do I might get the SNES Classic for Star Fox 2 ''[?]'' unless they put it on the Virtual Console.

====Question 8: Will you make more medallions?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650687 Second, have you ever thought about making medallions again, or have the trolls that would do chargebacks and bad reviews ruined that for the world at large?]"]''

"Thought about making [[medallion]]s again?"

That isn't the process. As we, uh, as me and my associates, where it's, we're working on expanding our businesses -- the business -- and one night we just opened a Roundbubble -- Redbubble store, just yesterday. We'll eventually find somebody who can make the medallions on my behalf, and those will be well to go.

====Question 9: Do you have a particular favorite Sonic cartoon?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650687 Third, I know that you enjoy the Sonic series as a whole. Is there a particular cartoon that you preferred from It? Like SatAM or otherwise?]"]''

And then, let's see. "Enjoy the Sonic series as a whole, particularly the cartoon like Sat. AM or otherwise?"

Yes. Sat AM! Sonic the Hedgehog! Now that was the best one. Sonic X, Japanese without the dubbing, that's very good too. So if I'd say pick one over the other, I would say ''[pauses]'' classic Sat AM. I wish they had made that season 3! Well I'd love to see ''[circles fingers around eyes, puts on funny voice]'' if that was the Echidna hiding in the shadows, or Metal Sonic or -- will we ever really know the answer to that. Somebody's got to pick up that project!

====Question 10: About Twitter accounts====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650684 There's a "rumor" going around that @paintingatree is an old account of yours. Is this true, or is it an impostor.]"]''

Now let's see... that's not a good question... ''[laughs]'' "[[CWCki Forums|Paintingatree]]." That's painting a tree. On Twitter I only had the three accounts: CWCSonichu, [[NightStar2891]] (with a capital N and a capital S), and more recently that I have cut the ties of "[[Kert Varnsen]]." You know where that name came from? It's from the [[Seinfeld]] series! ''[badly sings the famous Seinfeld bass riff]'' So any other accounts that y'all may be suspecting, albeit sounding similar to my typing pattern, nope! That's not me. That is not me. That is a genuine different person.

====Question 11: About his mother eventually passing away====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650522 Do you have a plan for what you'll do when your mother passes away?]"]''

Uh, let's see, yeah, and I'm just gonna put this one as a neutral question. Anything having to do with my -- after [[Barb|my mother]] passes away, uh, still in the works, planning it out, but meanwhile -- it's a blank slate. And hopefully with my sweetie we'll be able to make that -- bake -- plan something for the better. And of course also talking with my mother and discussing all that. But she just turned 76 years old last Sunday. So just -- any ref -- any reference to whatever happens when my mother passes away, my answer is pretty much -- I remaining -- it still to be determined. I don't know.

====Question 12: About the Rosechu weight gain====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650567 Where did you get the idea to make Rosechu fat and why?]"]''

Let's see. Oh, okay, here's a good one on the recent ''[singsong voice]'' [[September_2017_Patreon_posts#Fat_Rosechu|Rosey weight gain]]! Hmm, yes, that was inspired by a certain someone... who is a 'spiring fan of ''Breakfast with Sister'' -- which, by the way, really good series. The artist should continue on drawin' pages for that. But she did make an update note about that and well, both my sweetie and I, we respect her for that.

Mmm, and let's see, follow-up question:

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650679 Have you taken into consideration the struggles of real-world women who deal with sudden and unwanted weight gain as you write this plot? What sort of research have you done, if any?]"]''

"Have you taken into consideration the struggles of real world women who deal with sudden, unwanted weight gain as you write this plot?"

Um, okay well, I am very much aware of all types of people, whether they be very slender, very slim and having trouble maintain that, or just being as -- being really big and having to maintain and cope with that. So between everything I've seen, on television, in the movies, real life, in person, other forms of media, I just take it to between common sense and my empathy, towards how it goes out in the final run. But really, my [[Chris_and_reality#Fantasy_and_fiction|psychic connection]] with my Electric Hedgehog Pokemon family in the city of [[CWCVille]], as I write it out, they stream the memories into my head. It actually happened on those dates in that dimension. And they just tell me as it happened.

====Question 13: Memories of his teen years====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650678 Can you tell us some memories of your high school years or before? Feel free to tell any old story that comes to your head . Maybe a few more unheard details of your 18th birthday, managing the basketball team or what you and the gal pals would talk about at lunch. Whatever you want.]"]''

Eh, let's see what else we got here. I'll probably answer this question with a whole -- one or so lengthy Facebook posts.

"Any high school memories, years or before? And maybe a few unheard details of my 18th -- 18th birthday, the basketball team management and [[gal pals]], talk about -- whatever I want."

We'll just say that's a question I'll put off to a Facebook post.

====Question 14: Are the trolls a unified group?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650663 Christine, The Farms obviously doesn't control everyone on the internet who harrases you. Do you believe the Trolls are one single unified and controlled group?]"]''

Let's see, what have we got here? Oh, hm. Oh this reminds me... so this reminds me about, uh -- I should definitely make this a point, because I made the one post on the Kiwi farms that make this -- make this thread that I'm answering these questions from. Known of you -- none of you are in control of me. I am in control of me. Nobody else. And I do this, answering these questions, this video stream, under my own accord to face my past and my demons.

Hmm okay, yeah, this is a valid question though. Believe the trolls...

"Do I believe the trolls are one single unified and controlled group?"

I cannot say for certain. But -- and I am not taking sides, I am NOT on the side of Kiwi Farms, I am not on the side of [[4chan]], Anonymous, or anybody, or any page, website of that sort. I am not on any of those sides. I'm on the side of those that I love and care about very much deep in my heart -- my [[Jessica Quinn|sweetheart]], evermore my Sweetheart. Um, single, unified? Possibly. But I am aware of the multiple sources, and that they form on and outsource to -- let's just say, um, possible but I'm gonna guess more like multiple. But in it -- but the grander scheme of things, y'all are still not -- y'all still like me! Y'all still talking about me, despite of foul language and mockery that is said. Y'all laugh at what's actually funny that I do. ''[puts on pony ear headband]'' Hey, this is fine. ''[sings]'' [[My Little Pony]], My Little Pony... I'm not flawless, we're a work in progress... tell me what flaws you got too, 'cause I still like what's flawed about you. ''[hums and sings, playing with ears]'' Have fun.

====Question 15: MLP or Sonic?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650662 So, do you now prefer the MLP franchise over Sonic?]"]''

And this is a good follow up to that --

"Do I prefer MLP or Sonic?"

Actually, I do not prefer one over the other. I like them both equally, although I am enjoying the MLP series a bit more, because there's quite a few -- there's quite a number of friendship lessons and values in that show. And it's more current. Somebody pick up the Saturday AM Sonic again!

====Question 16: Is there anything you like about Trump?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-3#post-2650652 I know you don't like Trump. That's fine, no problem with that. But my main question is: is there anything you like about Trump? Is there any law or bill he passed that you like, or anything he did for that matter? Also, why did you feel he needed to be killed or impeached? wouldn't it be better to see if he's a good president before passing such judgement on him?]"]''

Let's see, hmm.

"Anything I like about ''[intentionally mispronouncing name]'' [[Pmurt|Dornald Mr. Trump]]?"

Well, I'll tell you what. All questions about our failing number 45 President of the United States, let's just leave that as a neutral -- I definitely don't like him, and I definitely don't like all the things he's passed and whatnot. The only redeeming quality is that -- is anything, the one thing that actually inspired Melena ''[mispronouncing "Melania"]'' to marry him in the first place. The one heartfelt thing -- but even that is fleeting because he's a malignant narcissist. I saw that coming in those presidential debates that came out before the election voting date. You may quote me on that. I saw it coming and then ''[singsong]'' the psychologists confirmed it! And then he confirmed himself throughout his misactions. So any questions about Trump -- that's it.

====Question 17: Do you believe in alternate cartoon dimensions?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650647 Just to clear up this confusion once and for all: do you believe that Cwcville, Equestria, and other such places exist in different dimensions?]"]''

All right, next page, page 2. Scrolling down to the bottom... I'm definitely -- if I find any repeat questions I'll definitely skip over those, let's see.

''[laughs, reading phone]'' Geez. That's -- okay, that was funny. Yes, this is a very valid question:

"Do I believe that CWCVille, Equestria and other such places exist in different dimensions?"

Yes! I believe very much in [[Chris_and_reality#Fantasy_and_fiction|the different dimensions]]! And I have access. If I -- access to some, to all those dimensions. And I can ''[inaudible]'' into them, just like my OC NightStar can see into our dimension, our reality, watching our YouTube videos -- and visiting us! Visiting our dimensions! [fake singsong British accent] Doctor Who does it all the time too! ''[imitating back-and-forth dialogue]'' He's the doctor. Who's the doctor? Yes, he's the doctor. Doctor who? Yes, he's the doctor. I'm the doc! Who's the doc? Yes, he's the doctor. Jumping gigawatts! ''[said as "jigawatts," imitating Doc Brown from ''Back to the Future'']''

====Question 18: About his upcoming date with Jessica====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650643 What are you planning to do with Jessica on your date? Dinner and a movie? Or just the movie?]"]''

''[abruptly]'' Uh, I am not discussing anything about my date with my sweetheart. So skipping this question. Definitely keeping her details and her name, despite of everybody who is aware of what her name is, I'm not bringing it up again right now. So I care about her too much. All my heart and soul. And being! I love you sweetie! Yes I do! ''[making kissing noises]'' Endless kisses in this heart.

====Question 19: About negativity and hate====

''[Original question: The poster describes [[Michael J. Hirtes]], then goes on:
"[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650638 What do you have to say to someone who has given you this much negative attention, while he himself, lives in worse conditions, lives a life where his main objectives are associated with hate and being a general annoyance, and who has gone to great lengths to say harsh things to you personally, rather than sit by and comment on your unique life?]"]''

Yes, all right let's move on up and see. ''[hums to self as he scrolls]''

Okay. Here's, uh... following the first paragraph, this question comes out okay. What do I --

"What do you have to say to someone who has given you so much negative attention, while he himself lives in worse condition, lives a life where his main objectives are associated with hate and being a general annoyance, and who has gone to great lengths to say harsh things to you personally, rather than sit by and comment on your unique life?"

Well... to that person in such conditions or, even better, I'd, their side, their -- believe them, because they... feel like they are unable to communicate positively. And I'm not going to put them down. I just perceive what they say in the more better manner, because that person -- I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do. I can feel for them, I can empathize. Not my fault, not their fault, that they can't say "I love you" instead of "I hate you." It's a bizarro universe. ''[imitating Superman character]'' Ooh, me Bizarro! Me hate you! Me hate you! Me hate you! Errh, I love you, Bizarro love you! ''[laughs]'' Ah, just perception, anyway, empathize and all that. And I would forgive each and every single person who has talked -- who has mocked or spoken to me in that sense, negatively.

And what was the second part of that question? Oh. ''[reading phone]'' Anyone who has gone to say -- personally? I have never met anyone who actually said that -- said anything bad to me face-to-face or in person. I'm serious. Upon recollection I had so much fear and paranoia, and this is aside from the one or two pranking encounters, including a certain [[Pickle Man|green-suited individual]]. Anyway, I was forgiven. I was forgiven -- that's in the past. Moving on. And I just appreciate all the sincere kindness that I have received at [[BronyCon]]. That was just really awesome. And I like seeing kindness. I promote that, very much.

====Question 20: About Catalonia====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650636 What's your opinion regarding Catalonia.]"]''

I have no idea what Catalonia is. It sounds like a place. I would have to look that up.

====Question 21: Why do you hold the pencil weird when you draw?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650614 Why do you hold the pencil so messed up while drawing? It really seems painful and unnatural. Ever think your drawing would improve if you approached it differently?]"]''

Skipping that question ''["[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650626 What do you and Jessica talk about when you guys talk?]"]'', because that's another one I'm not allowed to go into... okay.

"Why do I hold the pencil so messed up?"

Where's my pen? ''[reaches for pen]'' I hold -- well, wait, I gotta do this right. ''[uncaps pen and holds it]'' It's just the way I hold it, okay? Among which, I have learned how to properly hold a pen or a pencil. And --

"if I think -- ever think if my drawing would improve if I approached it differently?"

If I held my pen or pencil any differently from what I am, I doubt it would improve or make a difference. It would be more difficult to me to switch from the natural holding to a forced new position whatsoever. So this is my way of writing and drawing. Get to the point and deal with it.

====Question 22: Will you have children?====

''[Original question: Unclear, because he paraphrases so drastically, but probably "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650610 Have you discussed having children with Jessica? What is her opinion on being the mother of Crystal?]"]''

Now let's see, moving on. On the possibility of children after my full transformation into being a full woman, I have heard it's successful, I can eventually bear my own child. But I'll just leave that up to future events when that can actually happen. It's about this moment, that's still debatable and I'm not gonna fret too much over that right now.

====Question 23: Why were you demoted to the Special Ed bus in high school?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650609 I understand if you don't want to answer this question: back when you were 15 you were demoted to the Special Education bus at Manchester High School. why was that? you've given some info but not the full picture, making it kinda confusing.]"]''

Now let's see... oh. [[Manchester_High_School#The_Bus|Demoted to the Special Ed bus]] when I was 15. That -- well, I can summarize that incident in short. There was this kid in the seat opposite from me, wanted to be the first off the bus. And I was like, "all right, well I wanna be first off the bus too!" So it's like, we vouched ''[?]''. And this one time he actually literally pushed -- hit me and knocked my glasses off my face. And I was really upset that day, and my father had to talk with the principal and whatnot. And that's how I ended up getting demoted from regular bus to handicapped bus. Um... yeah did not like that quite much. I'm not gonna go into further detail about that in this. That's all.

====Question 24: Are you going to complete Sonichu 13?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650609 Another question: do you plan on completing the original version of Sonichu 13? or at least post what the plot of Sonichu 13 was going to be about? (not just the general idea of it)]"]''

And...

"Complete the original version of [[Sonichu 13]], or at least post what it was going to be about?"

Yeah, Book 13! Well, 12-9 -- because I don't like using the number 13, it's an unlucky number -- but 12-9! It is Sonichu Special. Introducing life and stories of [[Night Star|Miss Night Star]]. Between Ponyville and Equestria, in Canterlot High -- [[My Little Pony|that neck of the woods]]. She's got -- she gets around! She even goes to CWCVille at one point. But that's to be drawn in the next book after I finish with number 12 here. ''[taps some papers in front of him]''

The original -- although, if there were to be a book 13 I would possibly draw alongside that one, or maybe at a later date to put back, ''[unintelligible]'' but book 13 would definitely be the crossover between Sonichu and [[Planet Dolan]] 'cause eventually we gotta get a tour Planet Dolan and the character aspects there and why not, and that's aside from, "Oh, what's in the studio, what's here, what's there..." And there's a good bout between [[Blake]] and Hellbent, and the mental... bouts, comparisons, discussions between [[Magi-Chan]] and Nixxiom. Some good, smart, intelligent... eh, but that was uh-- I can't remember off the top of my head because I'm thinking about answering the questions. But anyway that point is made.

====Question 25: Favorite "Christian and The Hedgehog Boys" track to record?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650599 which christian and the hedgehog boys album was your favourite to record?]"]''

"Was the '[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian the Hedgehog Boys]]' album -- favorite to record?"

Uh, not particularly, especially the [[So Need a Cute Girl|first track]]. 'Cause, boy was I frustr-- was I a [[Virgin with Rage|frustrated... virgin]], that's all I will say about that and I'm [[Mia Hamm|not a virgin anymore]], let's just leave it at that. But anyway just... hearing my voice singing all that at this time; it's cringe-worthy.

====Question 26: Binaural beats====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650597 How have the binaural beats helped you so far? It's been a long while since you started listening to those, I'm curious if you have noticed any big and obvious changes. Do you believe in placebo, by the way?]"]''

Anyway moving on let's see. Mm, [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|binaural beats]] questions, all I can say-- everything about binaural beats, I am taking in: [[Un-clit 2.0|it's working very well]]. There'll be no further questions. If any other questions similar, I'm still listening to them, they're working for me, moving on.

====Question 27: Sonichu 12 progress====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650592 How's progress on Sonichu 12 going?]"]''

Almost done with Sonichu 12! Almost done! Like uh, ten or so pages. [fart noise with tongue]

====Question 28: Lesbian Sleepover Party====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650582 hi Christine, I have a question Back in January 2016 you put out a video to have a "Lesbian Sleepover Party" and made an announcement. I'm honestly curious what or who was the motivation behind that? The idea itself was not bad at all, but the YouTube crowd may have been the improper channel to hit your target demographic of Lesbians/Female-Souled-Lesbians. I was saddened to see that the party was cancelled right after the Announcement. HAD the party happened, do you think it would have been a good time and/or do you think anyone who attended would have been (at the time) a good sweetheart material type person? Thank for you reading this even if you cannot answer.]"]''

Mm. Uh, the quote-unquote [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement|lesbian sleepover party]]. Yeah, that never happened. Um just let's just say that somebody else, whose name will not be mentioned, proposed the idea, and it just never really formed. Plus there was that impostor... over in Seattle, I think it was? Yeah Seattle. Because that's Frazier's hometown! Well, the town he lives in the show the-- binge-watched the entire series more than twice. I still feel smart every time I watch that show, any episode. But regardless...

====Question 29: Sobret====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650577 How is Sorbet? Can we see him more in videos?]"]''

[[Sorbet]] is very healthy and very well, ok? [stuttering] His-- his r-- His ulcer in his right eye has healed up, but that's going to be still a permanent consequence, just blurred vision out of that eye pretty much. And a nasal damage, that's permanent. The vet cannot-- is unable to repair that, he did the best he could. And-- but he was able to clear out that ulcer, so... Sorbet is still healthy, alive and well. He's very active.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650569 this] question] Umm, I have no idea what this question is about. Uh, let's see...

====Question 30: Favorite Musicals====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650568 Hi Chris Chan, welcome to Kiwi Farms! Hopefully no one screws this up. I've been wondering: What are your favorite musicals? I know you've mentioned wanting to watch Gigi with a past sweetheart, and you're most notably into Mary Poppins. What else? Also, if anyone comes to mind, do you have a favorite composer of musicals? Thanks.]"]''

Favorite musicals. [in a high voice] [[Mary Poppins]]! Yes, I do like Gi-- I did like Gigi. I like, [<nowiki />[[Chris and Music#Singing|singing]]]<nowiki /> ''I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain!'' And, yeah my favorite of all-- my favorite [stutters] musical of all time would have to be [singing] ''Meet me in St. Louis, Louis. Meet me at the fair. Don't tell me the lights are shining any place but there. We will dance the Hoocee [sic] Kooche, I will be your Tootsie Woostsie if you will meet me in St. Louis, Louis! Meet me in AAAAaaaaaaat the fair!'' Thank you Mrs. Judy Garland. Ah, next question.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650567 this] question] Answered this question already, next one.

====Question 31: Halloween Plans and Pets====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650562 Well hello! Just curious, how will you be celebrating Halloween this year? And how are your pets?]"]''

Uh... probably, hand out-- just hand out candy this year, sitting at home. Unless I actually get invited to a [[Halloween|Halloween party]] or ''find'' a place to go to. It's still yet to be determined.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650557 this] question] Not saying, because I'm not going to make up any new posts aside from the one I made. [fart noise with tongue]

====Question 32: CAPTCHA====

''[Original Question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/page-2#post-2650556 Did you like the sign-up CAPTCHA?]"]''

It could be better, the...[speaks slowly to avoid mispronunciation] CAPTCHA could be better.

Ehh, see this--this is basically what I'm doing, just answering the no-troll, ok questions. And skipping over ones that are repeating or too revealing, and I could put up some more later. This is okay, uh... [fart noise with tongue]

[chuckles while scrolling] Ok, that's cool, uh I mean I'm startin-- I'm on the first page, I'm starting from the bottom to the top so you know what I'm talking about. Hmm. On the forums, you can look it up for your self. Those who are actually members there, let's just leave it at that.

====Question 33: What made you come here?====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650546 What made you want to come here to the Farms in the first place? We all thought you didn't care about this website and its content.]"]''

Ok, "Come here in the first place?" It's pretty much, I've... wanted to actually see from your perspective, on the earlier posts that y'all did and actually see if you were actually [[Trolls|talking smack]] about me or... responses to other things at a recent time..? That's pretty much it, that's why... I'm '''pa'''-trolling... visually, just reading some-- skimming certain top-- certain posts, whatnot, on... [gestures to phone] there. Uh, let's see what this say.

====Question 34: Trans-women, appearance, and Jessica====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650543 if you want women to love you for who you are, then why can't you love another trans-woman? isn't that a bit hypocritical? if jessie turns out to have a dick, will she still be your sweetheart? also, as a girl, i was wondering why you don't put more effort into your appearance. there are better clothes you can wear to flatter your shape. there are sailor neptune wigs online, you know. if you really want that seagreen haircolor. and last question. is jessica okay with you posting on here?]"]''

[gestures to phone] Too much. Too much. This is a too much question. Too much. I'll... too much, too personal, I have-- although I will only say I have nothing against fellow [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|trans-women and trans-males]]... just... and I have given out thoughtful consideration, but still... That's all I will say, I respect them, they're good people, they're okay. I...would not natural-- I am more neutral towards them and I actually have a few trans-women friends in real life. Okay? Let's just leave it at that. Too much, that was a too much question.

====Question 35: Nintendo Switch====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650542 What’s your opinion on the Nintendo Switch?]"]''

Uh, Nintendo Switch. I might get one, I might get one, that's all I'm going to say I have no other responses to it.

====Question 35: Extended Family====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650538 Have you tried contacting your half brother and sister David and Carol recently? Do you want to get to know your extended family a bit more?]"]''

Hmm. Yes, I still want to get back with my brothers and sisters and my [[Minor Family Members|extended family]], that's-- but... don't want y'all to worry about that, you let me worry about that, th-thats all I will say about that. And, uh...hmm. Hmm.

====Question 36: Honesty in Online Dating====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650537 Christine, based on your feminine experiences, what is the best way to tell if someone wanting to date you on the internet is serious or not? I've had a few people reach out to me but I've been TERRIFIED that they're trolls. How do you separate the real ones from the bad?]"]''

Okay, yes, [paraphrasing] "based on my experiences what is the best way to tell if [[Sweetheart|someone wanting to date me]] on the Internet is serious or not... How do you separate the real ones from the bad?"

Um... well, for one thing uh, common sense. You can check their profiles, they are mess--they are messaging you from, like on [[Facebook]]. See if their photos don't result in... any other...well. See if their Facebook photos don't get repeated in the search results that's once thing. And uh, if their Facebook profiles are freshly created, like they have less than X number of posts on there, they have little information on there, then I would be like, "pass."

Um, there's other people, and web-pages that can advise you for the better but neutrally I would say keep an open heart, an open mind, figure-- you can figure it out for your selves which ones are sincere, which ones are sarcastic... and just, you don't jump in a relationship immediately, just make friends until...uh, and especially in person, just makes friends and, and [unintelligible] that's been actually that you've known for a while, and that they've known you for a while. Um, you come out to them or they come out-- or he or she comes out to you. Good, I'd say go for it. [unintelligible] if at least, a few months, to at least a year. [thumbs up] There you go, you know. Now let's see what else we got.

====Question 37: Making up with Jessica====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650533 Hey Christine how's your love life? Have you patched things up with Jessica yet?]"]'''

Okay, yes, patched up, love life. We're good.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650526 this] question] I'm not at liberty to talk about [[Jessica Quinn#First breakup|what happened]], especially on recorded forms like th--recorded videos like this one.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650522 this] question] Aaand we [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1#Question 11: About his mother eventually passing away|already answered]] that question.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650519 this] post] Eh, that's not a question...

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650517 this] post] [chuckles] n-- he-- wasn't pullin' a prank.

====Question 38: Disability Prejudice and Sonichu====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650512 What do you have against people with other forms of disabilities? You said you won't want to date somebody who is 'slow in the mind', but don't you also have anxiety? Why does Sonichu not going on adventures or saving the world like a hero? Usually, comicbook heroes go on adventures to save the world.]"]''

Hmm, okay. I do not have anything against people, with... [[Chris and Hypocrisy#Other People with Mental Disabilities|other forms of disabilities]]... um, just... they just, pretty much, um, initially they would kinda creep me out, especially if, barely understand them, but... if I had an extended amount of time, and I find... that I can get used to this person, and like them, then that's good, otherwise I'll just remain positively civil and neutral.

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650510 this] post] [humming] ''la da dada da da skip.'' That's not a question...

====Question 39: Contact with Jessica====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650508 Shalom, Chris, if that's really you. Have you had contact with Jessica beyond Facebook text posts? Calls, skype, etc.?]"]''

I would say, yes to that that question. More than [[Facebook]]. [humming]

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650494 this] post] [humming] "This is a Q&A..."

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650493 this] post] [humming] "Now what's the fun in that?"

====Question 40: Adult Chronicles====

''[Original question: "[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650467 Have you ever watched any of my LOVEQUEST videos? Also, how do you feel about our tiny, honey-producing insect friends? my stories are Not Dark What about the Adult Chronicles™ and that time the Chaotic Combo murdered someone for political dissent?]"]''
 ''[sidenote: the thing about the bees is relevant because the user who posted this is called Spelling Bee]''
 ''[sidenote: "my stories are Not Dark" is the part of Chris's initial post that Spelling Bee responded to, it is included in his post]''

Mm. Oh yeah, um... Adul-- The... heh. There was a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|video game of my adult life]] to be made, it would have to be something like a choice-making game like, either [[Life is Strange]] or Gone Home. I like both of those, both of those are really good.

And the... time with the...well the... bloody murder for polika-- political dissent...? Um, the one time I did draw that and I did '''edit that out''', I swapped it out. So now those gu-- so now those... ge-- so now the not guilty either definitely... uh... I'm trying to think of the word there. What's the word there... uh... n-- uh, and I wanna say pil-- I feel like I wanna say pilgrim, but I won't. You know what I mean, they're definitely totally cut off from the Internet and modern technology.

Anyway, that's the... and I'm still getting used to so I can wat--so I would eventually watch more of the past creations inspired by Sonichu or myself. I just, when-- I skipped over them so many years ago when they originally came out because... I was still paranoid that they were going to be more of a m-mockery in a sense. But, I did f-- I am finding that, there are a-actually-- a majority of are actually not so bad, so, adjusting, getting used to it. Baby steps.

And so yeah, p-- now I haven't watched these [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWA8iH_emEk Lovequest] videos too.

====Ending Message====

[referencing [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/good-day-people.34903/#post-2650463 this] post] And "You have a good day too." And, [throws up hands] that's all the questions! Three pages, that's all the questions. Anyway, I will get back to the [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1#Question 13: Memories of his teen years|high-school... memories]] on tha-- on a later point. But I think we covered a lot today, I feel... better that I addressed a few... addressed some of the uh, [[Trolls]] and anymore questions, I'll check this thread... like once a week. I might just put the questions and answers on a Facebook post and answer them there, or if I feel like it I'll record another Q&A video. It just depends on my mood.

Eh, so now...[picks up something] with this... fa-- with this task, I've taken a first step toward facing my Demons and my past. And I feel-- I feel better for it, and once again I empathi-- I want to reiterate: Do not contact any of my friends, any of my family, or any of my associates. And including and especially my [[Jessica Quinn|Sweetheart]]. Then, I will not answer any more questions! So, no contact... with them, no harassment. You wanted to [stuttering] you want to know more, ask me directly, through this thread only if you're already on there. Otherwise anybody else who uh, is not on there, you can talk to me on [[Twitter]] or on the [[Facebook]] comments, leave it at that. Um, I definitely would discourage going... I still would discourage, until, such a time... when... the website, and the web-forums are more, let's say, polite and politically correct.

Shall we say [audio cuts out] sent... mm. Yeah, stay away from them and, I definitely want to emphasize that, if there's any harassment going on towards you from any, really bad Internet [[Trolls]] and cyberbullies, just... [raises arms to form an X shape] block 'em. Block 'em. On your Facebook, on your Twitter, wherever. Block them! Just... and if they're pinning the blame on a one individual that they have picked on before... just, as an example, I'm an example with that. Do not block that person, you block the actual person who's making those derogatory comments. And I of course I am aware of those who are-- who have been trolled in the past, might not have been able to ignore them, and fell into depression. I just want to say that I... offer some heartfelt support to each of you individually. I have spoken to a few of you, and I'll prob-- and I'll end up lending my kindness and support to more of y'all for-- in the future. Eh, y'all know who you are [humming].

Eh, anything else on my mind, let me think a moment...um...

Okay, well aside from that I think I'm good for this time so... until next video I record or the next question I answer, everybody: Y'all have a great, safe day. Thank you for your kindness and your respect, and listening.

{{Captain's Log}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Jessica Quinn#Break-up|Reaction to Quinn threatening a break-up]]|nextlink=[[IMG 5424‎‎]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Sonichu 12

2017-09-25T15:28:10Z

Res: undone; "banasaur" is what chris wrote, it's not a typo

{{Unfinished}}

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12
| cover = SchuComic12-5CoverEdit.jpg
| coverdate = 21 [[May 2017]]
| finishedcomic = ''In Progress''
| pagecount = 76 + 6 bonus song pages (so far)
| episodes = 24.2, 25, 26
| previous = [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
}}

[[File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg|thumb|Alternate cover.]]

'''''Sonichu'' #12''' is the 13th issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. After Chris restarted work on ''Sonichu'' #11, which he completed in [[June 2017]], ''Sonichu'' fans were reassured that they would get to see the completion of this issue.

==Early projections==
It was not clear what this issue would contain, as ''Sonichu'' #11 was itself in creative limbo for years. Chris has said that the second or third part will complete the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas special]] begun in ''Sonichu'' #11,<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 February 2010]]</ref> though given the date of that statement, and the apparent drift away from the Christmas special by the end of #11, Chris's plans may have changed significantly.

On 9 [[April 2010|April 2010]], [[Count Graduon]] was mentioned to play an important part in the issue, along with [[Metal Sonichu]].

==Episode 25: "To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…"==
On 21 [[May 2017]] Chris finally uploaded a scan of the front page, and more uncolored pages. The first episode promises to deal with [[Robbie Sonee]]'s thoughts about his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], perhaps as an expression of Chris's own, though this comes across as oddly redundant given that Chris's transition to "Christine" was already expounded upon in ''Sonichu'' #11.

The title of the episode is confusing nonsense, with Chris presumably lifting the "''to be or not'' to be" soliloquy in Hamlet (though likely through general cultural awareness [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|rather than actually reading it]] and then throwing in an apparent misspelling of "not" as "naught" (actually an archaic synonym for "nothing/zero", which makes no readily apparent sense).

[[Sonichu chronology|Early 2009]]. [[Robbie Sonee]] wonders why he dislikes [[Sonichu 10|violent media]], unlike other [[JERKS|males]] categorically do. He seeks advice from his sisters [[Cera Rosechu]] and [[Christine Rosechu]], his parents, Chris himself, and the internet. Still seeking answers, he consults [[Magi-Chan]] about his future, but Magi-Chan wisely abstains from telling him about it so as to avoid depriving him of the joy of living et cetera. However, Magi-Chan does see fit to tell Robbie that he possesses a "female soul." Accordingly, Robbie comes to the conclusion that he is a lesbian transwoman. He formalizes his newfound identity by coming out to his sisters, declaring his intention to transition completely as soon as he evolves and adopt the name Roberta Sonichu. Christine and Cera unconditionally accept Robbie as their little sister, pulling her up into a hug and telling her that they love her and they're proud of her -- prompting her to evolve in their arms. Chris concludes this attempt at a touching scene by having Roberta ejaculate on her sister's carpet.

Donning a new outfit slapped together by Christine, Roberta then heads to the top of [[Magi-chan]]'s police state surveillance tower. To help her transition along, Magi-chan offers her a [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] binaural beat CD (the same kind that [[Un-clit_2.0 | served Chris so well]]) and reckons that the entire process should take about two months. Roberta offhandedly mentions that she also begins conventional hormone therapy, though this is rendered somewhat redundant as she magically sprouts double-D breasts and a penis that shrinks and splits into a new vagina. At the end of June, Magi-chan "examines" her telepathically, treating the reader to an absolutely nightmarish 3-D shot of her organs. He proclaims her transformation complete while also reminding her to continue taking her meds until the doctors instruct her to stop; Chris seemingly unaware that hormone therapy is generally a lifetime undertaking.

After earning a "life trophy" for her transition, Roberta lists off her dating experiences, from the unfortunately named Vulva Pie (a creation of [[Jackie]]'s who was dragged into hiding along with her creator) on to Mimi (a random character and star of the [[Commissions#The_Flufflehugs_Commissions|Flufflehugs commissions.]]) The narration jumps ahead to Roberta performing a Sonic Rainboom, a phenomenon Chris stole from My Little Pony, by running on the sky clad in a garish Rainbow Dash costume from the previous Halloween, all while her sisters film it. She succeeds, creating a rainbow that implausibly stretches across the entire United States.

The episode ends with Roberta addressing the reader with a wandering spiel about tomgirls and female souls, and proclaiming that she is loved and loves herself.

==Episode 26: Prideful==

September 12, 2009. The episode starts ''in medias res'' with Chris in his new female Sonichu form locked in an intense battle against Reldnach while delivering a long-winded, nonsensical internal monologue on the nature of love and hatred. The narration skips back to earlier in the day, where the main cast (and any number of shoddily drawn Cwcville citizens) attend the first Annual SLGBTQ Pride festival at Cwcville Park. Attractions include burgers and pop, "pride bracelets, knick knacks and lots of rainbows," and largely untouched "Banasaur figures". Jamsta and Lolisa broadcast live from their booth and loudly flaunt their heterosexual sex life, while Angelica meets with [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"]] and thanks him for his large donation.

Meanwhile, Chris along with Crystal and the hedgehogs gather on a blanket in the grass. Chris regales everyone with a loquacious account of his psychic training with Magi-chan and Silvana which is met with adoring praise. They are interrupted by the return of Sonichu and Rosechu's brood, Zapina, and Sandy, who come bearing some tat they bought at the stalls, which is handed out while Cera bores everyone with an account of their acquisition, peppered with ham-handed references to lesbianism. They also receive a surprise visit from Chris's self-spawned children, Cynthia and Russel. The twins hug their "mama" with wagging tails and tell him they miss him, and he negligently brushes them off with an "awww!" It's at that this point that Heather Iglesias, their caretaker, appears in the comic for the first time (despite her token lesbianism having become dilute now, to say the least). After greeting the group with a string of broken English and incorrect Spanish, she removes the children.

Several more characters appear; first [[Patti]], then [[Darkbind]] with [[Zelina]]. Finally, [[Reldnahc]] appears, just as shocked as everyone else that Chris is a transsexual now. He accosts Chris, announcing that apparently the gay vaccine failed to work on him for some reason. He explains that shortly after Naitsirhc was teleported to Kel's cabin in Sonichu #10, he began to long for the power the black Sonichu medalion gave him while also developing an attraction to other men. One morning, he woke up, discovered that he'd fully turned back into Reldnahc and decided to abandon Kel.

Returning to CWCville, Reldnahc claims that he was living in an old, abandoned house because he didn't want to use a Soup Hotel, then immediately contradicts himself by admitting that he was in fact going to Soup Hotels for his meals (and once again, referencing [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"'s donation]]). Having somehow forgotten the address and phone number of the town's mayor, he had no option but to go to the pride festival to see if Chris would be there on a "mayoral chore". Having found Chris at last, Reldnahc unleashes a textwall of perfectly valid complaints about Chris and everything he does. Chris replies with a textwall of his own, offering minced words and non-apologies for some points and completely ignoring others.

Somehow, this lengthy unremorseful word salad convinces Reldnahc to become "neutral" on Chris. He then leaves the group alone and walks off, but as soon as he is out of sight he falls into the sidewalk and is sucked into Graduon's pocket dimension or something. [[Graduon]], now possessing [[Metal Sonichu]], offers to give Reldnahc back his hedgehog powers in exchange for serving him. Eager to have his power back, Reldnahc accepts.

Back at the festival, Magi-chan alerts the rest of the cast that (apropos of nothing) a "big battle" is about to happen. Chris reveals that he has modified his medallion via unspecified means to only change him back if he touches it, and mentions a "subspace cube" that he uses to trap Jerkops in a pocket dimension to prevent Graduon from using them again. The festival is evacuated while the cast remains to fight the Jerkop army. As Chris is giving them a pep talk (including a Nazi salute), he suddenly has a psychic vision of [[Cole Smithey]] somehow sneaking up behind [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and knocking him out cold. How Cole was able to accomplish this while all of the Sonichus and Rosechus were looking at Chris (and therefore, the area behind Chris) is a riddle for the ages.

Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu as Reldnahc arrives on the scene, declaring that he's finally found himself and that he'll be a villain. Cole appears and attempts to ambush Chris, but only manages to hit an illusionary double. The real Chris appears behind Cole and knocks him out, and THEN realizes that he just cold cocked his half-brother. Chris cries crocodile tears over having to physically assault his half-brother, even though he stated 30 seconds prior that all he needed to do was tap someone with the subspace cube to free them from Graduon's influence. Just as Chris sends Cole to the pocket dimension, a transformed Reldnahc bodychecks Chris into a pocket dimension of his own.

Reldnahc straddles Chris, declaring that he's going to "take my advantage" and Chris immediately assumes (despite supposedly being female now) that he's about to become a rape statistic. Instead, Reldnahc tries to punch Chris's weak point only for Chris to reveal that he removed his weakness, something the reader was already told about fourteen pages ago. Chris uses his psychic powers to throw Reldnahc off of him, at which point Chris's narration interrupts to tell the reader to just go back and read the fight scene at the start of the episode. While Chris fights Reldnahc pseudo-offscreen, the rest of the cast fights his army and wins easily because they're Mary Sue trash.

Chris pops out of Reldnahc's pocket dimension with the defeated Reldnahc in tow, and Chris then proceeds to explain that some of the Jerkops in the army were actually zombies (something he insists will be elaborated upon in Sonichu #14). As he is also talking about how he thinks Reldnahc can be "friended", Reldnahc vanishes into the ether. Cera has her picture taken with a Janekop she knocked out during the fighting, [[Chris and Reality| something Chris insists was Cera's idea, not his]]. Silvana returns the subspace cube to Chris, and Magi-chan explains that they were able to release around 1500 mind control victims from Graduon's control.

Chris ends the episode with both a tribute to [[Bob Chandler]] and his own coming out story, claiming to be the reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who went to Woodstock. The final page splash panel of Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu performing a musical number.

==Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up==
{{Ongoing}}
Back in August of 2009, Sonichu begins to tell [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]] about what happened the day he married Rosechu.

==Comic pages==

<center>{{collapsible
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<center>{{collapsible
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|<gallery perrow="3">
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==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 12

2017-09-25T12:49:48Z

Res:

Sonee & Rosey

2017-05-11T06:35:28Z

Res: the "typos" are jokes, genius

[[Image:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|thumb|A '''Sonee''' and a '''Rosey'''. Note that Rosey's looking lustfully at Sonee. [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Seriously]], he's [[SonichuBabies|done that shit already]].]]

'''Sonees''' and '''Roseys''' (sometimes '''Rosees'''<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>) are the pre-evolutionary forms of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Their colors generally correspond to their type. Most [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in the comic started out as eggs that fell out of a [[rainbow]] and hatched as Sonees and Roseys.

==Appeerance==

Technically, baby versions of the two main characters [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] never could have existed because they were transformed directly from a [[Pikachu]] and [[Raichu]], not Pichu, their pre-evolved form. It's generally understood that the "[[Hanky-panky|miracle of birth]]" does not provide Sonichu offspring with their shoes, bows, and skirts shown,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_84 Issue 10 Page 84] Sandy is born nude.</ref> but [[Chris and Writing|of course]] there are contradictions.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue 3 Page 9] Magi-chan is born with a vest.</ref> Whatever the case, they seemingly automatically gain clothing upon evolution... but ''again'' there are contradictions. <ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_7 Issue 3 Page 7] Angelica is born (and [[pedofork|raised]]) nude, but [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] has to give her shoes and a scrunchie at evolution.</ref> No member of [[Chaotic Combo]] (or [[Silvana]]), corresponds to the "Original Sonee and Rosey," but rather to the chromatic range of the [[rainbow]]. There's also a continuity in the attire with the "Sonichu/Rosechu" species; "Sonees" are stark-naked with shoes while "Roseys" wear dresses.

Although Chris has stated that he finds them cute, most ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Trolls|readers]] reacted with disgust when first confronted with these tiny, ugly creatures, and they are generally considered to be among the most aggravating characters; their lack of comprehensible (relatively speaking; most ''Sonichu'' dialogue is at least in something that resembles [[Chris and English|English]]) speech being a major cause of anger. Their physical appearance is also a source of much disgust, as it is an overload of conventionally "cute" characteristics, done horribly wrong. Chris basically tried too hard to make them cute, and the result is deeply unappealing.

The appearance of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]] in "[[A Sonichu Day]]" is especially revolting, as Chris not only writes their typical awful dialogue but even reads it aloud with an attempt at a cute voice. Their appearance in "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]", where he uses them to represent younger versions of himself and [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]], is also horrific when you realize just how contrived and passive-aggressive it all is.

__NOTOC__
{{clear}}

==Sonee==
{{quote|Sonee is the pre-evolved form of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He is known to have a lot of [[semen|spunk]] and speed. This cute [[Pokémon|Pokemon]] packs a lot of action.|Sonee ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' card<ref>[[:File:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg]]</ref>}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He has a lot of spunk and speed, and is quite "cute". He is apparently born with shoes on. Like most other [[Pokémon]], they can only speak gibberish.

==Rosey==
[[Image:SchuComic4Page4.jpg|thumb|The birth of a '''Rosey''' [[Bubbles]], sans skirt.]]

{{quote|Rosey is the pre-evolved form of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. Her [[Pickle|cuteness]] always gets the [[Pedofork|awe of her enemies]]. When she falls, her skirt acts as a parachute.|[[:Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg|Rosey Animal Crossing card]]}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. According to Chris her so called "cuteness" always gets the awe of her enemies, and when she falls, her skirt acts as a parachute. This last feat is physically impossible, but never mind ''that'', because it offers an [[Pedofork|opportunity]] for panty-shots; that is, it would if they had panties, and the fact that they don't only makes it even worse. It is implied that Roseys are born without any clothing, and shoes and skirts are purchased separately. The Rosey form of [[Bubbles]], for instance (see right), was never born with a skirt. The birth of [[Sandy]] appears to confirm this, <ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_84 Issue 10 Page 84]</ref> but as always there are problems with consistency throughout the franchise.

==Biologee==

A cursory examination of the birthdates of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]] implies that Rosechus have a gestation period of around three months. This amount of time would, for an intelligent mammal like a Sonichu, be woefully inadequate, even for monotremes, which possibly explains why Sonees and Roseys always appear [[retarded]] and half-[[Yawning Squirtle|baked]]. However, [[Pokémon]] eggs hatch quite quickly, but this is simply an in-game mechanic for the sake of playability.

Sonees and Roseys seem to vary a lot in intelligence. As infants, the [[Chaotic Combo]] could only say their own names (which is supposed to be [[Things Chris has ripped off|how Pokémon communicate in the anime]]). Also, the "original" Sonee and Rosey can only say "Goo-Goo," suggesting they start with even less intelligence. However, the Sonichu children are capable of speaking in complete (albeit mangled) sentences: Sandy was able to talk right after she was born. This rather gigantic discrepancy in intelligence has been addressed in [[Mailbag 23]] in which Chris states that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Cerah, Christine and Robbie]] learned English from their parents and that the Chaotic Combo didn't have English-speaking guardians, which is a flagrant contradiction as [[Bubbles]] started speaking English while trying to rescue her "mother" and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] knew English as a Sonichu without apparently being taught it. Even if these things weren't patently made up, they don't address why Sandy could speak right after being born. To further confound the situation, [[Magi-Chan]] informs the readers via the customary textwall that Wild had to teach Sandy English ''after'' she demonstrated fluency with the language, implying that she didn't know it beforehand.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86 Issue 10 Page 86]</ref> Regardless of this, they are all still of inferior intelligence.

It is also worth noting that Sonees and Roseys do not wear the white gloves that Sonichu and Rosechu wear at all times; acquiring the gloves is likely a rite-of-passage type scenario. Disturbingly, Sonees and Roseys have rounded stumps rather than hands which gives them the appearance of thalidomide babies, but knowing Chris, he probably ripped them off from the creatures from the ''Sonic'' games known as Chao. The ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' designs and a teddy-bear creature from ''[[Excel Saga]]'' called "Puchuu" may also have substantial influence on the design of Sonees and Roseys. Despite having no opposable thumbs, the mutant baby Pokémon are somehow able to perform tasks that require them with their stubby arms, such as baking cookies and playing [[PSP]]s.

There's also the strong possibility that Sonichu and Rosechu's children are not representative of the typical Sonee & Rosey Poké-type. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] went from hatching from an egg to her mature form and the intellectual skills of a fourth grader inside of a single week<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86]</ref> while [[Punchy]] evolved to his full form in a single day, even though he had his tail traumatically amputated. This leaves us to formulate the hypothesis that Sonichu's children are kinda [[retarded|slower than the average]] to evolve into their adult forms (so far only [[Sonichu 11|Christine]] has achieved it]]. Another possibility is that Sandy evolved rapidly because [[Wild Sonichu|her father]] [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|lavished attention on her]], while Cerah, Christine and Robbie are left with [[Heather Iglesias|the nanny]] while their parents are forced to fulfill the wishes of [[Christian Weston Chandler|a deranged tyrant]]. Yet another theory is that Sonees and Roseys evolve more rapidly under stressful situations (see [[Bubbles]] and [[Punchy]]), thereby suggesting [[Wild]]'s attention is a [[Pedofork|lot less wholesome than the comic would lead you to believe]].

==Galleree==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:164-ACSonee.jpg|JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION, GET IN THE CAR
Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg
Image:166-SoneeCard.jpg
Image:231-ACRosey.jpg|[[Pedofork|Notice how Chris draws Rosey with a skirt, but no top...]]
Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg|[[Pedofork|The card pretty much speaks for itself.]]
Image:233-RoseyCard.jpg
Image:425-CWCSNHP1.jpg
Image:Demonicrobbie.jpg|[[Audiobooks|GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT FACE]]
Image:Morechristmasshit.jpg|[[The Creepy Stare|This image will haunt your soul]].
Image:Bizarro Chris Sonichu's Offspring.jpg|Bizarro Chris.
File:Sonee&RoseeA.jpg|Sonee and Rosey [[Amiibo]].
File:Sonee&RoseeB.jpg|Rear view. For sale on [[Etsy]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Metonic]]
*[[Vamprosa]]
*[[Guro]]
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]], in which Chris addresses the former.
*[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|''Sonichu'' #3 Episode 10]], the first episode to feature Sonees and Roseys, to the chagrin of Sonichu [[Trolls|fans]].
*[[SonichuBabies]], a [[parody|riff]] on the Muppet Babies featuring, in lieu of diminutive Jim Henson characters, these little imps.
*"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]"

== Reefeereencees ==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]

Son-Chu Review

2017-05-11T06:08:48Z

Res:

{{taxpayermoney}}

'''Son-Chu Review''' is a video released by Chris on 2 April 2017. It is a showcase of [[Son-Chu]] and other [[Chris and art|disfigured]] [[Amiibo|toys]]. The purpose was to promote his latest [[business]] venture of selling [[stamps]] - the Son-Chu figure was announced as a prize in a raffle, which people could enter by purchasing one of Bob's stamps or Chris's [[DStecks|$1,000]] album on eBay. It failed to increase Chris's sales. A full five days after the video was released, he got $0.

This video is very long, clocking in at just over 48 minutes. It seems that while Chris has disabled ratings on the video, he didn't disable comments.

Notable mentions include scenes at 16:50 (Chris talks in a Butch lesbian voice) and 18:45 (he gets a little too excited attacking a cop car).

In the parts where Chris speaks, it is worth noting that he appears to be straining his voice in such a way that it is has a higher pitch than normal. This is clearly deliberate, and he may be doing this to make himself seem more feminine. When depicting the voice of a male character in the video, such as Sonichu, Chris reverts back to his regular voice instead of deepening it. This solidifies the idea that Chris is making a conscious effort to change the pitch of his regular voice, as he portrays male characters with his old, "manly" voice.

This shift in pitch to Chris's voice causes his [[Speech impediment|already warped vocals]] to sound worse, and thus harder to understand. [[Arthur Spatchcock]] volunteered to transcribe.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Son-Chu Review
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=SYM4lTW_jOI}}
| stardate = 2 April 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Selling Out|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[A little Fluttershy singing (imitation)]]
| next = [[Sonic Totem and More]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|Something New from the Sonichu and Rosechu world finally able to be made, (Autobot) Son-Chu (formerly a Ford Escort station wagon, now a 2010 Ford Focus car). Fully Painted, customized and all that, and Personally/Officially Dubbed the Official Son-Chu Figure on March 17, 2017. Sanju!!!

**Son-Chu Bio on package card: "The city of Cwcville, VA; defended greatly, between the team of Sonichus and Rosechus, the creator, Chrstine W. Chandler, and a group of five brave Autobots, led by Son-Chu; locally known as the Samurai Pizza Bots, as they work delivering pizzas (and Son-Chu driving Miss Chandler around) while in hiding until when needed. Not only the Decepticons, but transforming robots created by the team of Count Graduon as well, attack the city to try to take it over and break up all loving relationships worldwide. When the offensives are too big for the Sonichus and Rosechus to handle, Son-Chu and his group are there to blast the villains off!"

**Read and Listen to video for the details of the Son-Chu Figure Giveaway (deadline April 30, 2017).

-[[Stamps|Buy the Stamp Covers, and the highly-sentimental book of mine, on my ebay shop, here...]]
<ref>http://www.ebay.com/sch/pristinechristine1982/m.html?isRefine=true&item=282382503232&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562&_mwBanner=1</ref>

-CWC Skylander Figure and Card Review Video...
<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-SsI0EbdJI</ref>

-emgo316's Channel...
<ref>https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVEDzEYSNi5FwEKmLY6LT0Q</ref>

SHAREfactory™<ref>https://store.playstation.com/#!/en-us/tid=CUSA00572_00</ref>}}

==Transcript==
''[Opens with stock footage showing blenders and two starbursts saying "SPECIAL OFFER!!" on a blue background. Cut to one starburst on the same background saying, "[[BILLY MAYS|BUT WAIT THERE'S '''MORE!''']]"]''

===A word from our sponsor===

''[Stamp album open on table, Skylander T-shirt being used as a backdrop.]''

'''Chris:''' ''[in a weird high pitched voice]'' This video is brought ta you by the stamps Christines Chandlers Ebay Shop of Mr. C's clam-stamp collection of her late father you are eligible to buy among which any purchase up to the date of April 31st win themselves an automatic entry to win the toy featured in this video.
There will be two available: one for random drawing, and one for the automatic winner that buys the stahmp album in said shop ''[gasp]'' that come with all the prizes that I stated in that-I that description. Not only do they get this toy but they also get ''[reaches behind self]'' they also get the Skylander self, Skylander figure and the self Skylander card that is completely functional on Skylanders Imaginators for the leading console playing Nintendo Switch. ''[Removes figure and card]'' And now, on with our show.

===1:29: Enter Son-Chu, Sonichu and Rosechu===
''[Scene change. Son-Chu on display. Sonichu enters from left.]''

'''Chris as Sonichu:''' Hmm, wow...my autobot friend got promoted.

''[Rosechu enters from right.]''

'''Sonichu:''' Whaddya think of that, Rosie?

'''Rosechu:''' I think he looks neat.

'''Sonichu:''' Ah tell you one thing: I knew when he was [[Carlos Chantor|an escort]]... and now he has a lot more to 'Focus' on.

'''Rosechu:''' Ford.

''[Chris laughs as Rosechu and Sonichu.]''

'''Sonichu:''' Automobile joke autobots rollout.

''[Both Sonichu and Rosechu 'zip' off screen.]''

===1:55: Not-title card===
''[Chris does another breakaway and comes back with a hand drawn sign saying:]''

:Иot
:The Freakin Geek Reviews
:homage parody of Emgo316's title card; apologies offered. Emgo makes Awesome skits ''[backwards k]'' and great reviews.

''[Chris is providing his own background music.]''

'''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' Bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bababump bump bum bum ba bum bum, ''na naaaa!''

===2:20: Packaging and history===
''[After a shitter transition, Chris once again has his Skylanders shirt as a backdrop. His 'Son-chu' Transformer backdrop is leaning against it and his custom car is front and center. Chris is speaking in a high-pitched, hard-to-hear girly/goofball voice.]''

'''Chris:''' Hey Youtube fans whassup it's Christine Chandler comin' ta you live from home once again, not Emgo316, and today we'll be reviewing the latest ander finally made into a toy figure 3D world, from the comic book world, Autobot Som-Chu!

So here we are and dere he is and first and foremost we'll take a quick look ''[brings backdrop forward]'' at thuh packaging see right here on the front, ''[mumbles, loses control of camera before picking it up]'' as you can see, right here on the front you can see piece of artwork and the artwork is my work on the plate SONICHU~! because he is from the city of CWCville Virginia and on the front is autobot SON-CHU~! and SON-CHI~! ''[unintelligable autism]'' Titans; and on the side of the package, you have that same piece of artwork; on the bottom WORDS~! Lotsa lotsa words and on thuh back of the package you have your obligatory product shots, you got this and that this and that; WARNING~! Not-- DON'T DO THIS DON'T DO THAT don't feed the [[Christopher's name change|bear]]! The vehicle mode ''[unintelligible]'' Headmaster, he's a robot, and ''[unintelligible]'' having a big gun and a shield~ And look at this he becomes a soundstage for when you wanna do a concert and if you can read that ''[you can't; it's out of focus]'' he has a brief bio. Zip-de-doo, I'll copy and paste the bio out that in the description later; that's basically it FORE the packa-GING!

He also come with a ''[unintelligible]'' collector's card with that same piece of artwork ''[flips card]'' and tech specs for both Autob-, for both Son-Chu and Son-Chi if you care er about them. Hurray for card ''[Throws it across room.]''

Nyah, whatever. Oh it's like a pretty to look at. It has artwork. Talk a little bit bout SON-CHU~! I will make the joke that was the beginning more understandable if you get it. ''[Pulls out sonichu pic]'' So years ago at Transformers dot com I had designed my own Autobot, the place, so that was the first Son-Chu Autobot during the era of the Arhmada. Lookit that face, LOOKIT DAT FACE~! Eh look at how big he got built during the movie gap not as good as what we ended with four-a few years later ''[flips picture over] [mumble]'' dot com I like this face better its better looking face and he's from the Cybertron Era so between those, between those and my car that's how we end up ''[Brings out Sonichu Son-Chu]'' with Point O robot of Autobot Son-Chu!

And by the way that's pronounced like the Chinese word Sonju so when you shout SON-Chu! you're saying VICTORY~! Victory for CWCville~! And the Autobots, and the Samurai Pizza bots they were known quase in CWCville and he was originally a Ford Escort station wagon. Its roof, right there ''[point thumb to poorly drawn station wagon and then to Son-Chu]'' becomes the shield, and the hood of the car...becomes the gun. And then, a few years later, we got new robot mode because he b'came Ford Escort...n-no Ford Focus, Escort, Focus, Focus, Escort, it was an Escort and I had more to Focus on ''[fake laughs at own joke]''.

===5:54: Car mode, Headmaster and lion===

''[Bad cutaway]''

'''Chris:''' And now we've got a vehicle mode from -- officially from Hasbro that matches the Ford Focus fairly well...uh would say, you could call it a bold -- same mold, uh Rundown and Breakdown, but you know what, ''[higher pitch]'' I answer that request''[?]'', ''[more normal pitch]'' he's got a spoiler that's one big difference. Thats one big difference. ''[Shows cars ass]'' And all the custom paint and license plate Son-ch-Sonichu! ''[Flips it to the front end]'' Just like that license plate still...c'mon, back ''[[[stress sigh]]]'' Wauto-focus! Sony! You need to auto focus this camera ''[Flips car to bottom]'' and on the bottom you'll see later that he's got uh...Son-Chu license plate on the other side front side as well. Oh look, the windows in the tinted red, and we got uh, so obj-- obviously he was originally Breakaway, but he does come with a few pieces that we're gonna get into, he includes his Titan Master Mr. TiTONY~! AutoBot Son-Chi! With a paint-- custom painted face... painted his hands, his hands, lookhishands, nyoo nyoo. Camera. Fix the camera Sony, make it so it's not Mirroring~! And I painted his legs and of course ''[Has flipped the little robot into the head]'' Who has upside down face?

'''Dumb Robot:''' I do~! I do how you doin'? I'm upside down. I'm gettin' dizzy.

'''Chris:''' And actually has two Titan Masters, because he's got one for-- that goes behind his shield, get to that in a moment. Here is other Titan Master, little tiny, we call him Mark 1, and you'll get to see why in just a moment. As usual it's something that has got the wibbly-wobbly head; their arms can either got partway or up and down, and these legs ''[makes Mark 1 dance]'' doo-de-doo-de-doo-de-doo, woop woop woop, and upside down face and right there we can see what he's called Mark 1? Rewind a bit you'll get the joke. So that's-You get two Titan masters with that and acourse you incorporate the main one, little Son-Chi into the car itself ''[Knocks over the Mark 1 bot]''

'''Son-Chi:''' I knocked him over sorry about that. I'm SORRY! We'll get you back up shortly. [Is then molested by Chris to 'sit']

'''Chris:''' And you bend his legs, you put him in the drivers seat, and of course that's the only way ''[points to raised windows]'' I can the thing to come up is ta pop the arms apart.

And then we move onto the next part that's included: ''[Annoying voice]'' DIS LITTLE LION DIS LITTLE BLUE LION actually comes wif a one of those titan masters ACESSORIES~! That Transform into other things, got all that blue paint all over him, he still has some silver, he's got black, yellow, leftover behind...so anyway you incorporate the titan, the Mark 1 ''[molests robot]'' come on Titan Master, put him in de back of his head ''[Inserts poor robot into lions head]'' get the lion there get the picture once more ''[Goes to retrieve Son-Chu picture]'' Lookit the original Son-Chu's drawing. He has a shield. Because when he transforms from vehicle to car roof here ''[Points to station wagon roof]'' its pops of...becomes the shield. I wanted to keep the shield so, Hashbro, thank you for the shield...just had to give it a little recolor. And before we change into the shield for comparison ''[introduces duplicate of lion]'' here he is with Sawback, the original Titan Master vehicle, lookit all that yellow and blue, yellow blue...

''[Autism ensues as he makes them growl at one another. Have a growling match and Sawback runs off, yipping like a dog despite being a lion...then laughs at how funny he is]''

Alright so what you want to do ''[gets to molesting the lion robot]'' is you wanna take these parts and move em forward ''[transforming]'' pull his legs forward, tilt head back ''[Transforming]'' I'm not gonna do-THis is the weapon mode but I'm not doing the vehicle mode. ''[Transformed]'' Anyway that's how you get the shield that's THE SHIELD~! If I had a perfect way, like it was my sister, I'd put him on top of the roof, he could ride along up there, but for the most, put the lion up there ''[Puts next to car]'' Duh duh, duh duh duh~...it can run along, aside...her. ''[pantomines running by slapping the lion against the table a few times]'' Badup badup badup badup, blup blup blup blup. Or fun one I figgered out ''[stands lion on top of car]'' thank you spoilers lookit that. ''[Makes more car noises as he pushes car back and forth]'' Obviously he can't stay up there ''[Flips car, throws lion off]'' Sorry bout that.

''[Picks up lion, outs face in camera lens.]''

===11:26: Pipes===
'''Lion:''' Hey 3D! ''[Growls]''

'''Chris:''' Is this thing 3D compatible? With my mouth closeup to the camera it looks like he's popping out of the monitor.

'''Lion:''' ''[Autistic growling]'' I got a mission.

'''Chris:''' You can go back. So moving right along, he's got a couple other -- he's got a few other accessories. Like, he includes these two pairs of pipes that came off one of the other parts that had to be required to put this thing together, 'cause it took most -- it took more than one figure to put it the way I wanted it together so anyway you incorporate these to make it look cooler by putting them -- on the side -- aaaand now it looks less like a Ford Focus cause you've got the pipes on the side.
''[Rolls car back and forth, mumbles.]''

===12:05: Guns===

'''Chris:''' Badoop badoop badoo-rr, And we give him this pair of guns -- not from Chromedome or Breakaway, but they are easy to put on in the vehicle mode: just put em on there~ and you could em on the other way but then he won't roll so easily so yeah you gotta put em like that and I wanna take these-I wanna remove these for we have plenty more compar-vehicle comparisons to go with, ''[muttering]'' okay, eventually.

So~ moving right along for brief introductions of the other characters ''[brings in a pic of Prower]'' of which were inspired by actual past Autobot figures, we're bringing in Autobot Prowler of which was transfor-was inspired by transformers animated Prowl with the side car ''[goes high pitched]'' AND THATS ANOTHER THING I WANNA BRING UP if you want-wana put the Titan Masters, Headmasters in the show are supposed to be like -- match the size accurate to human. For this type of ''[mumble]'' sidecar that's perfect, but you try putting a Titan Master on a motorcycle ''[stupid voice]'' he's not gonna reach the pedals so easily lookit that ''[TM falls off seat and slides into sidecar]'' yer not gonna reach the pedals so easily if if I had a deluxe class Titan Master motorcycle lookit that lookit that ''[holding the titan master in the bikes seat; stupid voice again]'' HIS LEGS CAN't GO DOWN OR ELSE HE'd HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT ''[forces it face down into seat]'' LOOK HOW FAR AWAY THE HANDLEBARS ARE. IT'S-IT DON'T WORK. IT DON'T WORK. POOR MOTORCYCLE DELUXE CLASS. Figures. ''[Starts fake crying off scene]''

Anyway, dadat dadat dada, ''[mumbling to self again]'' Next up from the Comic book world female autobot Excelina who was obviously definitely motorcycle respected with the hologram and made to look like a woman and all these Autobots they worked over at pizzeria they were known by the town as the Samurai Pizza Bots the Autobot team of CWCVille Virginia ''[Wanders off]'' Where'd she go? ''[Dumb noises, waves hand in front of camera]'' Gonna be a cut moment there.

===14:57: Excelina and Bumba-Lumba===

'''Chris:''' ''[Didn't actually do a cut]'' And now here she is ''[introduces female robot fap toy]'' with autobot Arcee crown-from Micheal Bay movie 1''[?]'' which was unfortunately put on the cutting room floor...pretty sad. It's a pretty motorcycle pretty motorcycle...anyway, eh, lookit that! ''[Repositions cars, uses dumb voice again]'' we're moving right along, side by side ''[vroom vroom vroom noises, points at both cars]'' These two are sweethearts in CWCVille THE CITY OF CWCVILLE VIRGINIA~ deh deh, deh deh deh~ ''[mumbling, removes female car]'' then theres the third member of the CWCVille -utobot team is Bumba-Lumba green and hot flames he's not lost he's holding a bunch of PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS PIZZA BAGELS and obviously another one from the animated series...so there's Son-Chu with the anime Bumblebee...I like leaving the rockets on there ''[bunch of autistic gibberish follows]'' rockets and bupbupbup and then bumblebee is gone. ''[Murmuring]'' Where's my drawing? Oh here it is.

===16:25: Armoraxe===

'''Chris:''' ''[Brings in last autistic bot]'' And uh last on the -tobot team we have Armoraxe duh uh the rocker uh the rocker of the pizzabots ''[gibberish]'' lookit the lightening bolts got on there ''[gibberish]'' and everything! ''[Removes picture]'' and inspiring that...that wsa animated Soundwave ''[mumbles]'' animated Soundwave.

===16:50: Crackder===
''[gets a butch lesbo voice]'' HOW ANIMATED AM I?

If you note the Decepticon symbol pretend it's an autobot symbol he's on the same team. ''[Goes off screen again]''

Annnnd on the-on the bad team side ''[Mumbles something about Count Grodoun and Slaweel Ryam]'' th'ey made the-transpired-transpire with the Decepticons they got a few Schematics and they made their own cept the clones are piloted by the Jerkops-robot cops whatever what have you. And first up we have Crackeder ''[Shows stupid picture]'' first of these clones of the PVCC. Lookit that lookit that jet. Jet ''[something]'' So with that inspiring that was transformers Cybertron ThunderCracker. SO he's got a look for scale if this cockpit could open a titan master could fit in ther. ''[Picks up jet]'' WHOOSH~! ''[Off screen]'' And uh, second of ducepticon on duh bad team there was ''[shows picture]'' Punislav with a really big fist he could thrown punches ''[makes sexual sounds]'' and was a jerkop car cause you can't trust da police...the police you can't trust them but they are jerkops.

===18:45: Punislav and SAV===
Well anyway ''[offscreen again, talking to self]'' That was movie one Barricade unfortun- fortunately these all ''[laugh talks]'' survived the house fire. But yeah Barricade was on the show but anyway.

''[voice goes deep]'' Pull over.

[''Goes autistic''] NO~! ''[Makes Son-Chu pull around in front off, rams into police car]'' Bastard cop. ''[Continues to ram police car over and over again. High pitches voice hard to make out but he rams the cop car off the table; murdering him.]'' Take that, Jerkop. ''[Laughs]'' Sweet Victory~! Get retribution and all that. And then the last of the decepticons ''[something about drawing]'' something else, we have the S.A.V. ''[shows picture]'' also known as the Scoundrel Ass Vessel, the ass with one s cause it's a scoundrel as a vessel and there he is the big SUV; SAV, SUV, that's a pun there, that was the pun. ''[Talks to self off screen again]'' Anyway inspiring that one that was transformers ''[gibberish]'' anyway, inspiring that that was transformers animated Swindle with the big gun so that the Jerkhiefs, the leader of jerkops would pilot the SAV and they like Megatron ''[something something]'' Jerkop's got the big gun. Vroomvroomvroom.

===20:24: More comparisons===
''[Displays two other Transformers in vehicle mode, flanking Son-Chu]'' And for further comparison, here is Son-Chu with Chromedome? And Breakaway. You can see the differences besides the ''[?]'' and the coloring; I have some spoiler, better, Son-Chu, Son-Chu, wheeee, boop boop boop boop boop-a-doo. ''[Drives Chromedome and Breakaway around Son-Chu, then picks them up and puts them away offscreen. ]'' And for an activate''[?]'', here he is with Hot Rod. [''Mutters something, giggles, puts Alpha Trion on the table.''] Aaaand here he is with Palpitron. [''deep voice''] Young warrior. Yessir. I'm catching up to you to offer you advice. Can you offer it to me later? I'm doing this video. Okay, young warrior. [''Picks up P
Alpha Trion, 'flies' offscreen''] To infinity and beyond! Doo-doo-doo-da-da-da! [''Places the toy somewhere offscreen, camera shakes a little''] And, [''Moves Son-Chu to the right, places down Optimus Prime truck''] here he is with the car master, Optimus Prime. [[Random-access humor|I am an optimist, my name is Optimus.]] Well, you're the leader, so you're [[Duck|bigger than me, obviously.]] I'm still an optimist, my name is Optimus. Optimist, Optimus, optimist, Optimus, optimiiiist! [''Drives Optimus offscreen, moves Son-Chu back to center'']
[''Jump cut, Son-Chu is now in mecha form''] 'Scuse me for this bad egg [''?''], but there was one particular comparison I forgot to do before changing it into, uh, vehicle mode. [''Removes Son-Chu's head and shows us how it unfolds into a [[Lego|minifigure]]''] Here's autobot Son-Chu [''Show us a red-and-white figure in other hand''] with the original Power Master Prime's power master figure. And... [[''puts Power Master away, brings out brown-and-black figure''] with an actual typical headmaster. From Generation 1. He uses the [''unintelligible''] and this one, comes with a typical one, this one was Cap, the fire truck. So yes, we're taller than the typical, average headmaster of the past! [''[[Ego|seems proud while saying this]], hits headmaster with Son-Chu figure, it falls onto desk''] So take that, Endo! Huh, so sorry. Okay. [''takes headmaster offscreen, makes minifigure back into head, puts it on Son-Chu'']

===22:50: Transform!===
[''jump cut, Son-Chu now back in car form''] Okay, so now let's move right along to transformation, shall we?
{{transcript}}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A little Fluttershy singing (imitation)]]|nextlink=[[Sonic Totem and More]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and religion

2017-05-09T08:08:07Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! ([[Facebook]])}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu raping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance.]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often starkly differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Ruckersville, VA|hillbilly]] [[Slow-in-the-minds|idiot]] who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he long espoused his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism.]]
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris identifies himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Essence.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if He exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they[sic] have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

In recent years, Chris appears to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by [[Wikipedia:Futurama|Futurama]], he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

===Goddess Emanuelle===
In [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Goddess Emanuelle|August 2016]], Chris revealed that he thinks of God as a Goddess. It seems to be another result of his gender issues, in which he considers women to be good and men to be evil, and since Chris does not want to think of himself or God as evil, he simply swapped the genders in his mind, making Tomgirl Christine and Goddess Emmanuelle.

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is not an uncommon one, most Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into Heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based (as opposed to Catholicism, where one's fate in the afterlife is additionally determined by deeds, self-denial, sacraments and repentence).

Absurdly, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, [[Wikipedia:Limbo|Limbo]] is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. [[Wikipedia:Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide]] and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied.

His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the [[South Park]] episode "[[Wikipedia:Death (South Park)|Death]]", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

==Concept of sin==
[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|Take note, Chris.]]
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity| gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his ego|pride]] constantly.

==Chris and forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the Universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur|Soul Calibur III]]'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. The idea of this spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing (at least without good reason), and most, if not all, groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]], [[Women's rights|sexist]], [[Chris and race|racist]], failure.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns - he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, although he probably has no idea what its relationship to Protestantism is.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, deference to a cleric on ethical matters is far more typical for Catholics than Protestants). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much Chris knows about [[:wikipedia:Unitarianism|Unitarianism]] (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

Given that he takes his own religion à la carte, Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and the relationship between Protestantism and other kinds of Christianity. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Judaism===
''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he hints at a hatred of Islam. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Quran, and is not known to have ever publically commented on the religion directly.

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref> His opinion of it has probably been culled from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Non-theism===
Out of all of these sections, Chris's opinion of irreligious people, and atheists in particular, is the most vacillating and incoherent, and also coincidentally one of the best documented.

[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

[[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> Even from an evangelical point of view, it's hard enough for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them without Chris going around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. This illustrate that Chris simply doesn't comprehend non-belief in religion, as of course an atheist would not be cowed by the threat of something they by definition don't believe exists. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist, a deist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

In another sudden turn, in his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman-using fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

The Classic

2017-05-09T07:44:31Z

Res:

{{quote|I have just dug through the dirty half of those bags, more than ten or twenty of them. Then, in a bag of damp ones, I found the shirt.|Chris on the shirt, nonchalantly revealing Barb has hoarded twenty bags of old clothing}}

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|right|thumb|150px|Chris wearing 'The Classic' in 2007.]]
[[File:April 2017.png|right|thumb|150px|Ten years later.]]
'''The Classic''' is a red and blue [[Chris and fashion|rugby shirt]] formerly worn by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] from at least before 20 [[December 2004]] to when he became a [[Tomgirl]], and it was seemingly lost in 2014 to the [[Destruction of Chris's House]].

It had survived at the bottom of a soaked and grimy garbage bag full of clothing. Prompted by the [[Financhu Crisis]], Chris went searching for it in [[April 2017]], hoping to sell it to a fan.

== History ==
The earliest known instance of Chris wearing the Classic is in the [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]] clip, filmed on 20 December 2004. The shirt made many more appearances between 2005 and 2009 - Chris wore it on 25 February 2007 during [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], the first video he uploaded to YouTube.

The shirt made its last appearance of the classic Chris era on 23 [[November 2009]], when he filmed [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]. On 10 January 2014, 14 Branchland Court was gutted by a fire - the shirt was thought lost by both Chris and his fans until April 2017, when it was found in a bag of laundry that was still damp from the water used to put the fire out.

==Offered for sale==
[[File:Classic post-fire 1.jpeg|right|200px|thumb|The Classic, after being excavated from bags of hoard, still wet from the water firefighters used to combat the fire three years prior.]]

{{quotebox|Actually, that shirt was Not totally lost in that fire; to my recollection, it was in a mountain pile of laundry in the laundry room. So, more accurately, it was in one of the black bags down here. I have just dug through the dirty half of those bags, more than ten or twenty of them. Then, in a bag of damp ones, I found the shirt. I took a photo; part of the selling amount will go to better restoring the shirt; I am personally putting it through a page or two in my washer and dryer. Only after sale of the relic, I will be able to afford having it restored to its glory, and I will frame it and add a personal Certificate of Authenticity, before shipping it. Thank you.}}

[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|left|200px|thumb|The same shirt after being washed. The holes and other damages allegedly will be fixed using the funds raised from the sale, according to Chris.]]

Inspired by the successful sale of the [[Sonic Totem]] relic for $1,500 two weeks before, he listed the shirt on [[eBay]] for $12,000 minimum, then recorded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]] to promote it, donning the shirt for the first time in years (having last worn it in 2009's [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]). Three days later, the auction ended at $25,100. The winning bidder did not pay.

Humorously, Chris fails to realize that $25,100 is a gross overestimate of how much money would be required to repair a piece of clothing, even those affected by water damage.

==Restoration effort==

{{quote|Could any of you haters sew any better? The hole was large; I sewed as good as possible, then I reinforced the latter with the patch covers. If anything, this not only keeps it as iconic, but marks it as another masterpiece from myself, making it worth more.|Chris, [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Repairing The Classic|29 April 2017]], on his effort to restore the shirt.}}

[[File:cwc sewing3.jpeg|thumb|A "masterpiece."]]

Chris began an effort to restore the shirt on 29 April 2017. The shirt had sustained large tears during its time buried in the hoard. He attempted to commission a professional tailor to repair it; however, the tailor turned down the job as being too difficult<ref>[[Speed Sewing Announcement]]</ref>. Undeterred, Chris set out to fix it himself.

He recorded [[It's a start...]], a 22-minute video of him sewing up one of the holes on the shirt.

A commentator noted the issues with his project<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/4-29-speed-sewing-announcment.30443/page-16#post-2236362</ref>:

*Incorrect type of needle
*Patches which are incompatible with the shirt
*Not taking measures to prevent frays or shrinkage
*Not applying the patching to the inside of the shirt

After "a few hours" of work, Chris declared his effort a "masterpiece" and said The Classic is "worth more" because of it<ref>[[2017 tweets#Repairing The Classic]]</ref>. At the time of that statement, he believed he had already made a sale on it for $25,100.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Speed Sewing Announcement

2017-05-01T09:09:58Z

Res:

{{transcript}}

'''Speed Sewing Announcement''' and '''It's a start...''' are videos of Chris attempting to repair [[The Classic]] shirt. He had promised that the shirt would be restored after a successful eBay sale. In the meantime, he consulted a tailor, who turned down the job. Chris then took it upon himself to sew together the holes in the shirt.

The winning bidder of the shirt, who had won it on eBay for $25,100, did not pay. Chris, still hoping to be paid, moved onto the second-highest bidder, who had placed a bid of $25,000.

==Part 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Speed Sewing Announcement
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vQ6a7PnEHPk}}
| stardate = 29 [[April 2017]]
| saga = {{Business|text}}
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]
| next =
}}

{{quotebox|This is one time where it does mean, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." Like this video.}}

===Transcript===

Hello this is Christine Chandler comin' to you live from home once again. For my star date for now it's uh- 04292017, I just glanced at my calendar over there. Where are my pupils in relation to this flickin'(?) camera lens, and my hair's tied behind my back, tied in a bun (gestures to hair, which is not tied in a bun) whatever. Because I'm about to start on the big project. Y'all know- Are very well aware of my shirt. The iconic shirt, yeah needs a lot mending, repair, yeah.

[''Wipes sweat off face with the shirt'']

It's ah, to- Apparently too big of a project for a tailor to mend, so I'm personally going to do it myself. Uh, unfortunately s- I had not received my payment from the highest bidder, and since uh, time ran short, until I hear from uh- Unless she pays before I hear from the new bidder I'll have the uh new- The new lower bidder down of which I have whom of which I've contacted uh- he pays. You know, the whole amount or in payments, that's between me and him. Anyway, so uh, because mother got her money for a little while I'm gonna pretty much take it to my- Myself. I got materials I need like, I got a pin cushion, some pins, quarter cut fabrics, that was a blessing, and thread. All three colors, red ,white and navy blue. And, this is just to wipe my face with because I'm feelin' a little sweaty right now.

[''Wipes face with an actual cloth this time'']

It's 90 degrees out here somewhere. And of course, card stock paper to put under the sleeves for that part. I've t- I've gotten the idea from a few of the- A few videos I looked up on YouTube for mending holes and sh- And clothing. Anyway so, pretty much I'm gonna do a montage along the way of uh, mending the shirt, recording that on my phone at least. Um so this is just the intro, I'll put this at the beginning of that final video which I believe we can call it a speed sew video, which hopefully I'll be able to speed up the process after recording it. And now it's cat video. Hi Lucy, pretty kitty happy kitty love you too sweetie. Alright so anyway stay tuned and uh, in about a fe- About a few weeks hopefully I'll have this shirt as best mended as possible cuz I've- I've got a lot of needle skills from throughout my num- My numerous art classes I've taken ou- Throughout my lifetime. Okay have a good day, thank you and then after this thing gets touched enjoy the show.

==Part 2==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's a start...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YTj9wevbrmw}}
| stardate = 29 [[April 2017]]
| saga = {{Business|text}}
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| shirt =
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{Captain's Log}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017

2017-04-28T14:00:49Z

Res:

'''Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017''' is the first Captain's Log video since July 2016's [[Update 20160718]]. In keeping with his recent demeanour, Chris appears demented and tries to sound female. The video is very long and extremely tedious, consisting mostly of Chris trying to talk up his merchandise while playing with expensive [[Transformers]] toys (having uploaded [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE|a begging video]] the same day). Despite having appeared to be at death's door in the other video uploaded on this day, Barb finds the energy to shamble into frame and berate Chris about cat food, providing surcease of the seeming eternity of looped PS4 music and Chris's gibbering. The video concludes with yet more incoherent Transformers trivia punctuated by an abstractly motivated attack on Trump and his daughter, followed by a reminder to watch Chris's thrilling [[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45|reaction video]] to SNL.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=XwwM5YGUVZo}}
| stardate = 14 April 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}, {{Cwcville Shopping|text}}, {{Politics|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = Pink Tank Top
| previous = [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE]]
| next = [[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.}}

===Transcript===
Good evening, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again, but for the first time in a long time this is Captain's Log, stardate zero-four, one-four, two-zero-one-seven. And I'm trying -- in a different format, obviously, I've got a microphone attached to my head, but hopefully this time my voice'll be louder than the music that I'm still forced to have to block out. I figure on something different for tomorrow's video where I commentate live reactions to watching the Trump episode o' Saturday Night Live. In the meantime we'll start with some of the-- the pleasant news, about something good. And yeah, just knocked over the gate behind me that was laying against the wall, pfft.

Anyway, so let's talk a little more about Son-Chu. The Autobot figure that you could win, for a limited time. And the stamp album's still available as the last automatic win for, ya know, da figure… an’ my Sky ''[runs out of breath]'' – m’ self Skylander figure, m’ self Skylander card, and… ''[gulp]'' T-shirt! Look at da previous video, respectively, for… dat!

So ayway, I’mma talk bout de additional features you get… with dis thing. Where– ''[turns to the right to look for something]'' talk about, de silver gunnn! Alright, so ‘bout de – inititially, you would get, de Silver Gun’s… .y’know… ''[plays with toy]'' just ‘s I said in da review video… so we’re goin’ ''[snaps something]'' whoop… mmrrr… ''[tries to attach to toy]'' get in ‘nere, get in ‘nere!! Get in ‘nere. Soop… there you go. ''[re-poses toy]'' And… da face of da Mark 1 version of Autobot Son-chu as I had designed back… so many years ago, during da days when Armada was still on the air. And… obviously dis becomes… ''[more playing with toys]'' his shield! Because… when he was an Escort, his roof was the shield. But his roof isn’t so long… isn’t so wide right now, so we had to give it… we had to make a lion out of it. And this is not a lion! I’m not a lion. ''[playing]'' Zoooom! Babboombaboombaboombaboombaboom. ''[voice becomes much more childlike as he plays]'' And a course… da pipes! Da pipes… da go… in robot mode dey’re like dis, but you gotta swup ‘em round when you… doin’na vehicle mode, udderwise… dey… drag ‘em off the ground. Just way they’re curved! So ayway… m..n.nn… ''[makes strange noises while playing with Son-Chu]''

Soooo, let’s talk about the additional things that you get… .first off is I have st… sh… done the stuff I’ve shown in the last… pitcher on ma Facebook post, dis’ll be my face if I was an Autobot! ''[shows to camera, childlike voice again]'' Zoom in! ''[paws own face]'' Hope you all can see that okay. ‘s two cameras on this thing, so I’m just going with whatever. B’ayway, comic book canon, so you still have me as human, and uh… then I transform into… my Sonichu form, and then I go… and then I tell Son-chu, “hey par – hey Autobot friend, let’s g – let’s… g’bine forces!” And he says ''[deep voice]'' “Alright.” ''[back to childlike voice as he plays]'' So, addishally he go… open his neck ho’ and his head… will go down. He’s not a Titan Master, in da books, alright? An dis ashually works for real in… on da ashuall figure, I show ya. See? His… with the arms being wide enough, he ashually can… sit… tucked… like dat! ''[holds figure up, head falls out]'' ''[sigh]'' Why you misbehavin’ now on me, ‘vall times? ''[tries to fix toy]'' Come on. Come on… get in’nere… shtay in’nere. Shtay in’nere. You SHTAY! ''[high voice]'' You SHTAY! ''[holds up toy again, head falls out again]'' It works most’a da time. ''[sigh]''

Ayway so… beside from that, dat closes on top, annnn… .so… I climb up around him and I… ''[childlike voice again]'' get ready to do a homing attack, and I Sonichu Form, and den I become my Autobot face! A-den… with da neck hole, being above his head, while his head is down ‘nere in da chest ‘n his body somewhere, VOOP! My head is on top of his head! Nyahaha! Joke! But… nothing sexual, o-kay? Leave it a‘dat.

''[begins playing more with toys]'' So… first time I’m attached to Son-chu in dis way, s’like a… kinda a biddofa a God-master, ‘cause ''[cartoony voice]'' I AM GOD OF DIS DIMENSION OF CWCVIIIIILE, VIRGINIAAAA! Hey wait! First is, da rocket pack! As you seen in… various photos on Facebook! It look like a bob-sled! I had to des – I like da better design, dis way. O-kay? So, dis goes, onto his back, into this… ''[shoves at camera]'' that slot! Right dere. De middle piece! Goes dere. An… dis part, nyep, goes into his… bwoott! Goes into his bwooott! ''[means “butt”]''

Aight, and… dis fin, dis spoiler here, goes on… top dere! And… you got wings! ''[his voice is disturbingly high pitched]'' Dey’re also guns! Dey go… on eedder side! And first time I attached to him, my Cherok – my Cherokian powers… t’sup bring all this force… into dat reality! ''[cartoony voice]'' So now… Son-chu can fly! But still… .there’s something that… only I ca – that he can only – da his body can do, only while ma head – while I’m attached to him. De Psychic-Normal and Electric attacks, of the – of my Sonichu form, for one thing, so ''[up goes that pitch again]'' dooowwwww, as a robot, Son-chu’s body can… .summon thunderbolts! ‘N thunderrrrrr! From da sky! Hyper Beam and… .levitating Psychic Attacks! Aaaaaand… .I pull out a lil bit of electricity and… he gets a sword! Alright? Yes it’s the ''[mountain dew?!!]'' Sword from Voyager Prime but, it works! ''[squeaky]'' It works! Lightning sword! ''[waves toy’s arms around]''

And also sumthin’ else fun you can do with this sussessory, you can atta – which, you can do between Chromedome or Breakaway times… return figures… ''[does something to toy]'' looka dat! Makea look like… ''[up with voice pitch]'' ligh’nin comin throuuuugh! Da barrels of dese cannons an’nen… make it look like a taser gun! ''[makes shooting noises with mouth while moving toy]'' Electric taser attack! A’ere’s something I like-a do with de… silver guns, on dis t’ing… ''[adjusts toy]'' Now dere’s something kinda ''[cancer?!]'' about him dere! And… ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, boom boom boom! Aright?

''[actual baby talking now]'' A we’p just put da wings back on ‘ere, because we’re gonna da FUN! Part… We’re y – now… we fly! ''[air whoosh with mouth, Mickey Mouse voice]'' Fly out from… da rocket pack! We flyyy! I belieeeeeve I can sooooaarrr… … ''[breaks piece off of toy, normal voice]'' an ‘nen ‘nat happened. His… ''[resumes Mickey Mouse voice]'' I wann’ned to put my haiiiiir into the wind! And lift my face up so I can see where I’m goin’, I BELIEEEEVE I CAN SOOO-OOO-OO-OOAR.

''[adorable cat meowing]'' And dat would be Sorbet, meowing. ''[Sorbet says meowwww?]''

Yeeeeeanyway, so, dat’s all de addishional features for Audobot Son-chu and… mm, unless I can get… a few more of dese swords, I have to get… .find something, or some – or somewhere, or somebody wit’ 3-D scanner printer… or if I can download 3-D scanner app to my phone, a better one, than S-Scan… 3D… like all the around photos and whatnot… sum’ better than that one, cause I tried it, it don’t work for me. Ayway, scan ‘nat, annn… also da bobsled! Ayup!

Unless I find somebody who can… put through da 3-D printer, who can do it for me imme’iately, I def’nly need to scan and print da bobsled, rocket pack! And by da way, when I ‘ttached it all, mm… ''[moves toy]'' dat to da side dere… ''[baby talk]'' my headmaster… my Titan Master self, me! I can ri – I can ride on it, like dat! Bit odd, but… you can see my… oh, my face. ''[plays with toy]'' Dey in dere, dey in dere! You stay! And… spoiler, goes inna hole, inna middle, right dere. ‘long with da ''[fire?]'' dat was in da back, dis sword goes dere! And… d’wings! Onna side! See? Dere’s my Titan Master Vehicle dat makes a big buncha add-on for Son-chu! ''[part of toy falls]'' My way, dese uh… dese two guns, wings? I got ‘em offa Shapeways. An ‘nat’s where I’m hopin’ to get 3-D Printer result of ''[holds bobsled thing]'' this, after I do a susessful scan of it. And I don’t have any CADD software on my laptop, cause if I – udderwise, if I did, den I probably would be able ‘a do this myself. Plus it’s been a few years since… got dat… diploma’n got dat degree and whatnot. ''[raspberry]''

Whatever. So…[resumes childlike voice] talking ‘bout da Son – talking ‘bout, master da Son-Chu ratio, ‘dis’ll be…ashually first gif, I was standin’ next to Son-chu as a real-life Audobot, outside here [gestures to a window presumably], that’s about right! [squeaky voice, holding fingers to measure] he’d be dat much taller dan me! Lookadat! Hehe…dat’s funny. [sudden drop in pitch] That’s funny.

[sigh] Da dee da dee, I’m just puttin’ dis back in he lion mode, yeah…He da blue lion! Bur da bup bup burr [nonsense noises, raspberry]. Aright so ayway, dere’s dat bit of fun, innis, uh, livestream, dat will soon be…upload ta…[apelike head scratch] YouTube for permanent, and safe there…

Oh byway, I forgot to mention I wanted to get dis out da record, yeah. More than a month ago, I got free – I got offer for free LGBT [??] includin’ dis bracelet [shows bracelet], all I had to do was pay $2 shipping, and dis bracelet also got dis necklace [shows necklace] so…yeah, they’re jis…lil inexpensive things, that all I did was pay shipping for. They were free! So…[wags finger] no allegations, no suspicions dere.

[glances shiftily to the side] Of course one thing dat is true, de…earlier video, where m’mom talked about yes…we need more money in dis house! We mashed [managed] to get a little flow for de minimum…money amount for de…electric company, but…rest ‘a the month! I hate da second half of da month! We’re…[begins gesturing, voice rises in pitch] we had, alllll – we had, de money from Social Security, but den we spen’ it all on bills, ‘n food, to make sure we got enough from dis house and, pffffft! [gestures like he is flattening a balloon with his hands] An as for da sale of da totem [taps head with index finger like he’s explaining a brilliant idea], guess where dat – most of dat money went? More dan $700 bucks worth? [grabs phone, reads screen] De…t-shirts! And…Skylander functioning cards. Y’won’t believe me? Ummm…well let’s see, how ‘bout um…uh…twenty-five, times eighteen, plus…fi’teen, times fi’teen…[calculating on phone, mouth agape] and uh…did the Wi-Fi go wonky on me? I have two…Wi-Fi selections here…and de…[sigh] Xfiddy Wifi does not work good for me…uh no, dis is on de Home Wi-Fi…hmuh. Behave. Behave! Cause I must prove to dem…how much all dat was! Uh, behave! [baby-talk] Got on da store! [normal] and I’ve tried contactin’ ‘em so I could try’a…get a refund…but their…link on this email, yeah here we go, na’mean…yeah look at this, between shirts anna cards [holds bright phone to screen], bout…seven hunnit fifty bucks! Yeah, that’s where most’a that money went!

A’ma – months ago, months ago, my mom had to – golden Cleopatra necklace, but we had to sell it for money! And thanks to – thanks to this big sale I made, I was ab – I finally was able to replace dat! And so I did! And she’s a lot happier about it! And b’lieve it or not, the rest of it, uh…went towards…a couple’a big bills! Because I had – cause…I was on…de…[slams phone down] notice from two of my…credit accounts. Sshhhh! And den I bought…[glasses off] food! I bought lots of food! [very disturbed look on his face as though scared of how much food he bought] I bought enough I’gredients to make more fe’chini alfredo, and I’m gon’ make spaghetti an’ meatballs in da near future, and…try again at roast beef! Aright? We had roast beef again. And we did inespensively, from…Food Lion. It’s…still we lot – still – d and’nen more happened, yada yada, whole bunch more, I dunno, it’s all for me to look up on my statements, dat I’m not gonna share, because dat’s private, personal information – Sorbet, are you doin’ something over dere, messin’ with, uh…what the hell? Sorbet! [gets up from chair with difficulty] GET OUDDA THERE! GET OUDDA THERE!!! ‘Scuse me. Get…oudda there, boy! C’mon.

[static noises, choppy audio] gee- why – everything happening – bout over here…

IT’S NOT BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIDAY FOR ME! God dangit! What’re you doing?! Nyah…GPS…[cat tail can be seen]

There…everything happened. Sorbet! Don’t mess with cables, I keep telling ya not to mess with da cables, boy! What’s wrong with you? [more choppy audio] geez…and you…electric shocks and whatever…and you gonna…things up…geez…

[sigh, sing-songy] THE THINGS I DO FOR LOOOVE! The things I do for love…[mumble] thought you were over here…

[sigh, sits back down while using Purell] Aright, so ‘side from that, where was I….right, so the sale of the, uh, stamp album…would be greatly appreciated, and a’course, das still the automatic win for…all that I mentioned earlier, it’s just a few more – it’s just only like a fraction a’dat. A small fraction – SORBET! Stop messing with things over there! Ayway, somebody ayway please buy the stamp album, thousand dollars, you get the album with allll the [splutters] stamps in there, ten buzz U.N. covers, and bonus…stamps in lil’ envelopes. [to cat] You’re startin’ to p – stop – nerp – yer gettin’ on my nerves boy, COME HERE! Come here. C’mere. [picks up cat, baby talk] Stay with me, aright? Stay with me so I know you’re not messing around. Nyeh…here Sorbet, he da boy! [Sorbet tries to bitchslap Chris but misses] Meow. You’re Sorbet. Aright now it’s a cat video! [Sorbet flails his paw] now dis is offishally a cat video, cause he…he da boy! [squeaky voice] he my little boy! Boy-boy-boy-boy-boy. Hwee-dawee-dawee-dawee-dawee-dawee. Wee…cute widdle sweet boy…yeeees, we love you…[bends to kiss Sorbet who is very unhappy, mutter mutter]

[A WILD BARB APPEARS, lingering in the doorway watching her tomgirl son molest the cat]

Alright…ayway, so what we talkin’ bout? Right, da sale of dat and…I still have a few pieces of Sonichu artwork dat I did back in 2014 dat I tried to sell on Ebay, didn’t sell…I still have dem, I’ll put ‘em back on dere, five heard [hundred] dollars apiece, no negotiations! Tryna get more money in this house, cause [turns head towards Barb and shouts] I’M DOIN ALL I CAN AROUND HERE, financial messes an everything, gaaaahhhhh!

Barb: We need…

Chris: We need! Hello! We’re live! On the air’net! Whaddaya want? Mom, hello.

Barb: We need a baaaaag of…cat food.

Chris: Dry cat food. Hokay! I’ll go out later and get some out of the liddle money we have left.

Barb: Use…my…

Chris: Yeah.

Barb: …new account.

Chris: Yes dear, I’ll come up and get dat…later. Sorbet, what’re you doing? Mmm…[lifts up object] what’re you doing, get away from dere. [mutters] Hokay, aything else?

Barb: No, what’re you doing?

Chris: Whaaale, I’m doing the first fo’fficial Captain’s Log video, I’m live streaming it! Go livestream instead of pre-recording so, y’know, we’re live on de Innernet! [points to camera] Smile for de…Playstation 4 camera!

[Barb gives a corpselike smile]

Chris: And den remind dem det…we could use a lot more money in dis house!

Barb: Okay.

Chris: [sigh] I been…venting about dat. Ayway. Well aright, I’ll go out later and get some k – get some more dry cat food.

Barb: Okay. [drifts away]

Chris: Aright so, dat’s…all that! And…dis is…raw stuff! Live…trum…Ruckasville, Virginia, it’s…Friday evening! And I think I’m gonna pre’y much end dis video right here, right now, uh…but just one more thing before we go, uh, one of my favorite, I’ve made dis up some time ago! Uh, tell it yourself, free of charge! In Germany, de freewhe – traffic, freeways over dere are called de Ottobon [Autobahn], so…hey dey hor’ back and dere in da day! Autobots and Decepticons…gotta go and say de Hitla, he say [squawk voice] “Bahn Fyur! [mein fuehrer] Dere is unt Audobot on zee Autobonn! Vhat do you think about dat? Ees okay, as long as not Decepticon!” And ‘nen dere’s a Decepticon on da Ottobon. “Mon Fyur! Dere is un da Decepticon on zee Autobonn!” [yelling in deep voice, holding up arm like a Hitler salute] “NUKE ‘EM! NUKE EEEEEEM! Nuke ‘em! Pffffffffffft.” ‘At’s what he would’a…done! And guess what we’re ha – guess what we’re doing nowadays with [high pitched voice] Mister foooooour by fiiiiive, number forty-five, iiiiiin de office. [deep voice] “Well suh, dere’s an Audobot on our American Audobon! Whaddaya think about dat?” [deeper voice] “Well dat’s alright, as long as ‘e’s not a Decepticon, mm, mmm. I like de Autobots, I like Optimus Prime, I drove inna Mack Truck once, vroooooom! Vroooooom.” “Op, I’m just getting word, I’m just getting word, now there is Deceptic – now there are Decepticons on our American Audobons!” [confused face] “Let’s send out fifty-nine nukular weapons on da mere America! No casualties req – supplemented whatsoever! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!” [suddenly a high pitched child voice] “Yeth Daddy, I want you to destroy da dark an Decepticons! Because of all de innocent civilians you have to hurt along da way!” [Chris glares at camera, sigh]

Damn Pmurt. And I gotta give a damn ta Ivanka as well, at one point I liked her and her husband cause they defenned de LGBTQ, but now she go say [child voice again] “Daddy, let’s bomb da hell out of Syria!” BOOOOM! Yeah, she en’t lookin’ so hot now. And…Trump’s still [makes strange noises] for America.

Aright ayway, dat’s my thoughts, tune in tomorrow night where I watch da 2015 episode of Sarday Night, streaming troo de Innernet, and y’all get live responses to dat. [salute] Thank you…goodnight.

[gets up from chair, turns off camera, a few seconds of The Playroom screen]

==References==
<references />

{{Captain's Log}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE]]|nextlink=[[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45]]}}

{{PoliticalVideos}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE

2017-04-28T13:44:22Z

Res:

'''EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE''' is a video released on 14 April 2017. [[Barbara Chandler]] makes her fourth on-camera appearance during the [[Financhu Crisis]], following July 2016's [[Donations Further Requested, Please]].

This time, she claims that Rappahannock, a power company in Virginia, is ready to cut service for [[14 Branchland Court]]. She and Chris attempt to guilt people into buying [[Stamps#Chris's stamp album| Chris's stamp collecting album]] for the absurd price of $1,000. One week prior to this video, Chris had received $1,500 after selling the [[Sonic Totem]], and within a week had burned though '''all of it''' with $750 worth of Skylanders junk for his stamp raffle, $400 on a gold necklace for Barb, which she is wearing in this video '''while begging''', and a few hundred for his credit card debt and food.<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>

This video follows a similar pattern to [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]], released less than a year before, in which Barb and Chris had begged to have money for her medication. At that time, Chris had wasted $250 on Transformer toys two weeks beforehand.

Furthermore, the Chandlers have a habit of being late on their power bill. [[Arthur Spatchcock]] found that, in June 2016, they were at risk of having their power shut off due to only paying minimums for months and allowing the bills to pile up<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/6-26-chris-angrily-tweets-at-cole-smithey-to-help-barb.21918/page-7#post-1554457</ref>. At that time, Chris was known to keep the PS4 in his [[Work Room]] running 24/7, and it's evident he's learned nothing about conserving electricity since then - the next video after EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE shows a large space heater and showcases various expensive electronics.

The video has a nightmarish tone to it. Barb, sitting on her bed and staring off to the side, slowly speaks, and appears to be extremely frail and feeble. In the next video, Barb still only eeks out a few syllables per breath. Not blinking is also associated with both parkinson's and dementia, as well as staring and difficulty speaking. With parkinson's the person loses control over facial muscles, so they have a blank expression and difficulty trying to express emotions. Smiling appears forced and is of short duration.

However, in the [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017|next video]], shot during the same day, she is seen walking around (entering the frame from the stairs, indicating she can walk up and down steps without aid) and is more cognizant, entering the room to inform Chris they are out of cat food and even whispering to him to use a "new bank account" to pay for it. This suggests that her appearance in this video may have been affected to manipulate Chris and/or his audience.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=gfAvFYKVEZ4}}
| stardate = 14 April 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[By the book, Buy the book plus update]]
| next = [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]
}}

''Description''
{{quotebox|https://www.ebay.com/itm/282420279160

via YouTube Capture}}

==Transcript==
Chris: Action.

Barbara: My name is Barbara Chandler. We are in an emergency situation. Rappahannock is getting ready to cut our service. That will... Stop us from doing anything. Cooking....... Whatever. Please, somebody buy the stamp album for a thousand dollars, to help us with our emergency. Thank you.

==Fan video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCville Emergency Broadcast
| video = {{#ev:youtube|r959Lcm-Hqg}}
| stardate = 20 [[April 2017]]
| maker = MycalFelps
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[By the book, Buy the book plus update]]|nextlink=[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Daniel Weston

2017-03-28T01:53:04Z

Res:

[[Image:DanielWeston.JPG|thumb|right|Portrait of Daniel Weston, c. 1623. Note the [[Creepy stare|blank stare]]... Doesn't it remind you of a [[Chris|certain somone]]?]]

{{quote|As a matter of fact, among my, uh, mother's side in the uh, ancestral traits *[[Stress sigh|sighs]]* we have uh, we have been traced down to Daniel Weston, who was on the main--''Mayflower'' voyage.|[[Captain's Log]], [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|Stardate November 7th, 2007]]}}

'''Daniel Weston''' is one of the people who Chris claims to be one of his illustrious ancestors, through whom he is descended from [[Anne Boleyn]]<ref name="publicannouncement" />, [[List of Chris's lies|whose only daughter died childless]]. According to Chris, Daniel Weston's ancestor was [[Wikipedia:Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland|Richard Weston, 1st Earl of Portland]], who was in turn related to Anne Boleyn.<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Chris's Heritage]]</ref>

In 2007, Chris claimed that Daniel Weston was aboard the ''[[Wikipedia:Mayflower|Mayflower]]'', the ship that carried the [[Wikipedia:Pilgrim Fathers|Pilgrim Fathers]] to [[United States of America|America]] in [[Pre-1980#Pre-1900|1620]];<ref name="publicannouncement">[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref> however, according to all known passenger lists of the ''Mayflower'', there was never a man named Weston aboard.<ref>[http://genforum.genealogy.com/weston/messages/54.html Genealogy Forum]</ref>

Some fans suspect that Chris actually meant to say [[wikipedia:Pilgrim Fathers|Thomas Weston]], an English merchant who funded The Mayflower, although this makes no more sense than the prior account.

Chris later revised his theory, saying that Daniel Weston was actually not on the ''Mayflower,'' although "he made his voyage later on."<ref>[[Mailbag 27#A family history of failure]]</ref> This was essentially the story he related to [[Catherine]] in 2014, although he could provide no clear details. This highly nebulous revision is no more persuasive than the original version, and neither version of the story accounts for Chris being descended from Anne Boleyn, who had no descendants whatsoever.

These flatly impossible notions were probably spoonfed to Chris by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] to make him feel special. Indeed, he credits her with doing the historical research. In reality, Chris's earliest known maternal ancestor was a [[Ruckersville, VA|hick]] named William Wynn, who had a grandson named Robert (Barb's grandfather) claimed to be a lecherous [[Alcohol|alcoholic]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Anne Boleyn]]
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Barbara Chandler]]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Weston, Daniel}}
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Proposition to Sega

2017-03-15T06:23:26Z

Res:

{{quote|As well as the world... yeah.. the world and all that.|Chris, trying to convince Sega to give a shit.}}

'''Proposition to Sega''' is a video [[Chris|Chris]] made on the 14th of [[May_2016|May, 2016]]. The video itself is of Chris, offering [[Sega|Sega]] to hold a small amount of control over his creation, [[Sonichu_(comic)|Sonichu]]. In the introduction of the video, Chris claims that "if you want what he's got", you have to go through him. After this, Chris lays down the details of his offer of the [[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] brand, and also states that profits would be shared halfway through both parties. However, Chris states that all creative control of Sonichu would still be in his hands, and that Sega would only be able to expand upon it. Chris also states he will need some "employee benefits", assistance with the creative side of his [[Relics_of_Fail|projects]], and that his salary at Sega as the senior manager of the Sonichu product would be [[Chris_and_Money|$100,000]] a year. He also sees fit to specify that he wants a corner office in whatever building Chris thinks Sega will stick him into. He then states that he would still work at [[14_Branchland_Court|home]], rendering the corner office [[CADD|useless]].

Chris appears to be wearing his now-default outfit for such business videos, a men's pinstriped shirt with a blue vest over it.

Naturally, Chris put this business offer on [[YouTube|YouTube]], and didn't contact Sega through any known means, so they will never actually see it.

== Demands ==

* A need to work from home due to his "hectic lifestyle"
* Benefits like a 401K
* [[Chris and health|Health insurance]]
* '''[[Chris and gender|Maternity leave]]'''
* A secretary to handle administrative duties
* [[Allison_Amber|An assistant to handle Chris's responsibilities]], like getting dinner, and taking care of his [[Barb|mother]]. This assistant must be [[Love Quest|female]].
* A cartoon to be made for multiple markets, by the studio that he believes makes My Little Pony, "DHS" (he [[Speech impediment|obviously means]] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DHX_Media DHX Media]). Also, Chris states that an "adult cartoon" could be made, as well as an anime, and a traditional style cartoon.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Proposition to Sega
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rjFwRnzySGY}}
| stardate =14 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Comics|text}}
| saga = {{Selling Out|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{CapitalVenture|text}}
| previous = [[Donation Request‎‎]]
| next = [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.]]
}}

== Description ==
{{Quotebox|**This video is addressed directly to SEGA of America and SEGA of Japan; Responses will only be accepted from the Officials of SEGA. Such people can personally, and directly reply to me, Miss Christine Weston Chandler, of Ruckersville, VA, USA, at my email address of ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, and the Best, Most Direct Option is via US Mail to my home address,

Christine Weston Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545

Thank You.
}}
Note that Chris is assuming Sega will watch this video.
== Transcript ==
[No audio] -[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], so let's skip the introductions and get right down to business. You want what I got? Well you gotta go through m-me, and me alone, Christine Weston Chandler, Ruckersville, VA, in order to get. And lucky for you, I am such- I am open to such, an offer of partnership. I would offer you license to my original creation, Sonichu and Rosechu and the city of CWCville, as well as the world- yeah. The world and all that. Partnership would, uh, come with certain pre arran- [''there is a slight video error here''] -siouly. I would remain in c- creative control of Sonichu, and all associated media. I will be the sole owner of Sonichu, Sega...'s role here will be to expand the Sonichu brand name, as well as Rosechu, and a- help produce the various media includi- including video games, cartoons. These profits will be shared fifty percent, between the two parties. However I would also need an annual salary, and some co- and some common employment benefits. My salary for being in the senior branch is b- for being in the senior management position of the Sonichu product, at Sega, would be [[Chris and Money|one hundred thousand dollars]] a year. I would require a senior title, and a preferably corner office, even though I would be working at home. I would also need employees underneath t- underneath to assist with the administrative and creative sides of my Sonichu product. Project. But we will get to those later.

Due to my [[PS4|hectic lifestyle]], I would need the ability to work from home, and when I choose. Also, basic benefits like 401k, health insurance, and [[Chris and Reality|maternity leave]]. Now, let's get down to my immediate staff. Due to the normal stresses of everyth- every day life and then some, and since Sonichu is not my only responsibility in my life, I require a secretary to handle administrative duties, benea- beneath my, uh, pay grade. And a personal assistant who would assist me with my daily- tasks which would typically include the following. Running errands, pickin' up, uh, lunch, breakfast, dinner, mm, pet sitting my dogs when I'm on business travel... getting mai- giving maintenance, on the uh, cars and whatever else required therein. Help on taking care of my [[Barb|aging mother]], as well as complete, in store pickup of items that I will purchase. I will want to be in charge of selecting the, uh, [[Women's rights|women]] for these positions myself.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about Sonichu and s- the Sonichu media. I would like you to assist with developing... I want son- oi... oh yeah, I would want to be- yeah I already said that. I want Sonichu to be a huge- as huge as he deserves to be. It's about high time Sonichu got his own video games so that everyone... can live his adventures. I would like to oversee the development team that would create my vision of the Sonichu video game. I would personally test and [[Chris and English|concrete]]- critique the latest versions of the software until I am satisfied with the finished product. I would also like you to use your negotiations with [[Nintendo]] to have the cast of Sonichu, as well as myself, added to the existing Amiibo figure library. I would also need you to help me create several animated Sonichu products. The first and most important of which would be and American version cartoon series. And I would like it to be made, uh, by DHS, who makes the, uh, little show called [[My Little Pony|My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]], I'm sure you've probably heard of that. And I would personally voice the characters of Sonichu, as well as myself. I would like also to have t- Tara Strong and Monica Rial to voice female characters as well. The artstyle should be more serious in tone, though, similar to Sonic X. Or like similar anime of that, uh, type. [''humming''] Right. For the Japanese market I would like there to be a Sonichu anime as well. Similar to the production of, uh, the popular animes. Hmm. And there could be something for the [[Chris and sex|adult]] market as well. And I also would like a staff- side to s- design and market a bunch of simple Sonichu merchandise such as t-shirts, mugs, hats, lunch boxes, and other novelty items. My fans need the Sonichu product. And the gear. I would especially love to partner with a footwear company to make the actual footwear that Sonichu and Rosechu wear. And I look for- [''inaudible''] forward to the immediate prompt reply to my offer. [[Announcement 04/16/2016|Together, let's make Sonichu great again.]] Thank you very much. [''Chris takes a slight bow and walks off camera'']

== Notes ==
* The trash that is falling off of what appears to be a table to the right.
* Chris appears to be reading his script, which alone is surprising, off of a whiteboard.
* The items hanging from a wall, one of which appears to be an over-sized wrist-watch.
* Chris is recording in his usual "controller in hand" style.
* Chris looks surprisingly formal in this video.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Donation Request‎‎]]|nextlink=[[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

2016

2017-01-08T13:15:56Z

Res:

{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|Chris, in August.]]
}}
{{quote|Too bad [Hitler] died|[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Hitler and the Autobots|Chris, in September.]]
}}
{{quote|Someone, Anyone, PLEASE, take a sniper rifle and kill Trump; shoot him in the head like the impulsive, non-thinking, uncaring Zombie that he is.|[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated|Chris]], in November.
}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = A CWCville 2016 Year in Review
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=BVDYDeVWDLQ}}
| stardate = 25 December 2016
| maker = TheCWCvilleLibrary
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}, {{Cwcville Shopping|[[Etsy]]}}, {{Music|text}} {{Video games|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Politics|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Business|text}}, {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{The Happy Hag|text}}, {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}, {{Blue and White Striped Dress|text}}, {{(Clopper)|text}}, {{Cwcbra2|Bra}}, {{WhiteTankTop|text}}, {{BigRedSweater|text}}, {{CapitalVenture|text}}, {{imdoneadulting|text}}, {{BlueTurtleneck|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

'''2016''' was the eighth year of organized trolling.
It is a year that brought us the following things:

- The further degeneration of Chris's hair. Due to a mix of neglect and his traditional lack of self respect, his [[hair|hair]] now resembles a dying, green dish rag [[Chris and health|which only emboldens his rapidly-receding skullet.]]

- Fought with, then eventually made up with...and then fought with again, [[CWC's Adult Chronicles|Jeff O.]] on the issue of selling Sonichu merchandise.

- Chris apologizing to males with Asperger's.

- Chris began and quickly ended his GameStop embargo because it accomplished nothing.

- Chris began sending death threats once again, this time to [[Donald Trump]]

- A huge amount of online begging

==January==
{{main|January 2016}}
[[File:0116.png|thumb|Chris in January]]
Chris [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.|advertised a lesbian sleepover]] and [[CatKnight Interview|was interviewed]].

==February==
{{main|February 2016}}
[[File:CWC34.png|thumb|left|Chris in February]]
Chris released [[Apologies for offending people|another apology]] video and [[Birthday|turned 34]]. A [[Chris's Specimen Sample|semen donor video]] was leaked.
[[File:Cwcmar16.PNG|thumb|Chris in March]]

==March==
{{main|March 2016}}
Chris bought a [[PlayStation 4]] and claimed it was a gift from a fan. [[Barb]] is ordered to pay a credit card bill of $4,700.
[[File:Cwcap16.PNG|thumb|250px|Chris in April 2016.]]

==April==
{{main|April 2016}}
Chris released [[My Breast Massage Routine 18+]] and [[Please, Donate|begged for donors]]. He also started [[Sonichu Entertainment of America]] and quickly forget about.
[[File:Cwcmay16.PNG|thumb|250px|left|Chris in May 2016]]

==May==
{{main|May 2016}}
Chris bought a waifu, [[IMG 3207|had sex with a doll on YouTube]] and filed to change his name to Christine.

==June==
[[File:Cwcjun16.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris in June]]
{{main|June 2016}}
Chris begged for money, ostensibly for Barb's medication. He also tried to restart his gigolo career.

==July==
[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris's Woman Card in July 2016]]
{{main|July 2016}}
Chris [[26_December_2014|paid]] his court costs. Barb made an appearance in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|a begging video]]. Most horrifyingly, Chris got [[Un-clit 2.0|an open, bleeding wound on his groin]] and [[Chris and reality|thinks it means he started to grow a vagina as a result from watching subliminal frequency videos.]]

==August==
[[File:Aug16cwc.jpg|thumb|250px|left|Chris in August 2016]]
{{Main|August 2016}}
Chris admitted fantasizing about incest with his mother.

==September ==
[[File:CWC0916.PNG|thumb|left|250px|Chris in September 2016]]

{{Main|September 2016}}
A court rules that Barb must pay a debt of [[Financhu Crisis|$16k]]. Chris is interviewed by a Youtube personality at [[Cville Pride]]. Chris makes an [[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt|anti-Donald Trump]] video, and laments the death of Adolf Hitler on Facebook.

==October ==
[[File:Cwc october 2016.png|thumb|250px|Chris in October 2016]]
{{Main|October 2016}}
Chris tries using [[Unban contracts]] on [[Gamestop]] and [[Best Buy]]. He continues to comment about his hatred of [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], including a [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|post]] saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==November==

{{Main|November 2016}}
[[File:Cwc1116.jpg|thumb|Chris in Nov 2016]]
Chris spent nearly all of November issuing online death threads to president elect Donald Trump.

==December==
{{Main|December 2016}}
Chris continues to demand the death of Trump, and comments on a ''Sonic Boom'' character with a suspiciously familiar appearance.

[[File:Chris tired 12-2016.jpeg|thumb|left|250px|Chris in Dec. 2016]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

Announcement 04/16/2016

2016-11-20T03:47:24Z

Res:

[[Image:Chrisautismmeme.jpg|thumb|"Autism is definitely that thing that makes... the brain shut off." -Christine]]
'''Announcement 04/16/2016''' is a video [[Chris]] streamed on April 16, 2016 in which he "launches" Sonichu Entertainment of America, a business scheme he concocted where he would "appoint" someone to help him make [[Sonichu]] merchandise, chiefly [[amiibo]]. Although this will not amount to anything whatsoever, Chris attempting to legitimise his hocking of poorly disguised [[Nintendo]] products online as a business is a step towards rousing the ire of the companies whose intellectual property he is blatantly plagiarising. One hopes this goes unnoticed.

The video starts out ostensibly explaining the project, with Chris giving inconsistent numbers for how many employees he wants (which continues throughout the video), and very unsubtly implying he only wants female applicants. The reason for this latter point becomes obvious before long, as with the inevitability of the sun rising at dawn Chris begins to mention [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.|slumber parties]] for his employees, and the "possibility" of a romantic relationship with Chris. He goes on to try to talk up the position by promising to impart his "master[ful]" craftsmanship skills in making ugly crap out of Crayola.

This brief topical detour is amended quickly, and Chris describes the next position; a "romantic co-ordinator" whose job it will be to essentially manage his (as yet non-existent) dating life, including keeping him informed about "lesbian sexual positions". Chris attempts to qualify this blatant solicitation by claiming his (as yet unmentioned) "associate" wrote it, presumably the same "associate" involved in [[Nerdy Q&A]] - the mysterious figure obsessed with finding lesbian sexual partners who definitely isn't Chris. Chris goes on to opine that his romantic co-ordinator should be able to act as a bodyguard at public events using "female-oriented" martial arts, with the pretense of his employees being either sex completely dead at this point. He tells interested parties to submit their credentials for review, then orders the masses to make a meme about the effects of autism.

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Submit resumes and uploaded video responses to anightinchristine@gmail.com.

This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Announcement 04/16/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HvlxLfyGOws}}
| stardate = 16 [[April 2016]]
| subject = {{Autism|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{CapitalVenture|text}}
| previous = [[Please, Donate‎‎]]
| next = [[Donation Request]]
}}
</center>

==Transcript==
Chandler. Reporting live once again, I have an important announcement today. [''breathes in''] Due to the recent growth in sales, I'm- ah- I'm no longer able to fully sustain fulfilling Sonichu orders on my own. But I am still very dedicated on fulfilling everybody that's gotten in so far. As I've yet to fulfill. And as for, uh, books. Um, yeah. I've just been having difficulty gettin' them in, so be patient, be- I will have the books come out, the book orders fulfilled very soon, I promise. Anyway so, yeah. With the recent additions to my workload I figured I have been spreading myself too thin, and the stresses of life - it really does bother me. It gives me GREAT pleasure to announce the launch of [[Sonichu Entertainment of America]]! [[Chris and the industry|A pre-IPO global entertainment and media company]]. Sonichu Entertainment of America is excited to launch a brand new store on [[Zazzle]], selling fun for the whole family! Sonichu products like t-shirts, hats, and mugs and many other fine products. Look out for many fun and exciting products in the future too. And given the [[Chris and English|expension]], I will be hiring a team of talented profes- professionals to make this vision a reality! While I still swerve- still serve as the sole owner, creator, and creative director of the Sonichu world and characters, this will allow me to focus on my transition- my female lesbian soul into an all-natural female woman, which is already added an... incher- inch to my bust size in just two weeks. Thinking of what- and among other details I'd really b- like to- this will also allow me to focus more on the drawing and w- and writing of [[Sonichu (comic)|my book pages]].

Think you have what it takes? It's no easy task to s- step away from making Sonichu kit--merch--and the, uh figures, and medallions, personally. No easy task for me to do that. The only way I can do this is for trusted employees who are, like me, and who I personally would identify with to take this on, this important next step. The ideal person- woman- pref- women or man. The ideal person for the job should, well, remind me of myself. She sh- he or she should, at minimum, love and adore the adventures of Sonichu and Rosechu, have experience working with [[Chris and art|arts and crafts]], [[Honor roll|beyond eighth grade leading le- reading level]], or higher, and a lot of employees who, could be like me, mmm, but not necessarily in totality, heh. Definitely women ag- amongst [''inaudible'']. I am an equal opportunity type employer, or I would be anyw- I am I am. And also be supportive of, uh, the LGBT VHS lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, virgin, hermaphrodite, snowFLAKE community. I just learned a few new terms from readin' this. And since I am truly woman at heart, Sonichu of America should be recognized as and [https://www.sba.gov/contracting/government-contracting-programs/8a-business-development-program 8-A, woman owned, small business].

Let's talk about benefits! Emplo- hired employees will receive twenty five percent profit on all sales, exclusive access to, me, Christine Weston Chandler, and uh, and, talks with, uh, collaboration and, uh, on how to make the figures among which, and so forth. Access to private company promotions at gaming conventions, conferences, and enkloyee- employee slumber parties. S- to be determined among which. And should things work out between us and we have shared interests and passions, opportunities for romantic encounters with Christine Weston Chandler, but only if we built it from the ground up. Now let's talk more about the open position. Hedgehog- [''inaudible''] hedgehog fans. You will learn from the master herself, Christine Chandler, myself. Learn the secret art of the figure assembly from multiple figures among which. Give birth to some of my favorite creations, as well as work to produce other merchandise that I choose to create a prototype for- here on. Animators, video production assistance. You will be needed to work other than creative- d-direction of- and vision of- famous creator, myself, Christine Chandler. You will be tasked with producing an anime cartoon or CGI TV show starring Sonichu, which I personally would have total creative control over- would personally voice as myself and Sonichu therein.

Romantic coordinator- in charge of making sure I find a [[sweetheart]]. You will navigate the topsy-turvy world of modern dating. This position is very important, as I am quite a busy businesswoman, who... well I do ten- I do like to socialize, but it's not like I don't make time to, it's just, I have, I'm busy, and the [[autism]] kills my brain speed, mm. [''humming''] Ah, you would also be responsible for developing a course, or trying to help me compete in the lesbian dating marketplace. Including but not ah- limited to, lesbian attraction, dating education, [''pauses''] and lesbian sexual positions [''inaudible'']. My associate wrote this for me. I mean she's doing- she's done a fabulous job, she's a great writer. And also, by gosh, preferably fit, in shape, female badasses, [[Wikipedia:La Femme Nikita|la femme nikitas]]. As puppet, figure, often maligned- mal ig- mul ig nayed- huh. Mah lign- yeah, ma-lied. By some of- internet's most vicious trolls, you shall be escorting me around various public events, inf- information on which self defense training, you know, are requested. Mm, karate, cuck-fu, vaj-won-do, rape aggression defense, and other female-oriented martial arts, et cetera. [''fumbles the papers''] Ehh, last page, I promise, uh.

If you are ready to make history and join this great opportunity, make a YouTube video, or summit- submit your résumé to anightinchristine@gmail.com, which that will be below this video, after it's fully uploaded, that email address. Sonichu and I have had many adventures over the last SIXteen years, and many ups and downs, with distresses and difficulties in life. But, together! Together, let's make Sonichu and Rosechu great again! [''smiles''] And that's the big announcement! Thank you very much. [''picks up iPhone'']

And also I'll leave y'all with one final, bit of, uh, thought that I came up with. Hmm, in regards to autism, pretty much, and how I feel about it. I have found recently- I have found further that autism is definitely that thing that makes [''pauses''] the brain shut off. Hmm, I've mentioned that before, but. Ah- here- you can quote me on this, make this a meme, for the image of the- autism jigsaw puzzle right in the middle and do the, uh, letters up bove, and over it, in that font, I quote, "Autism is a bulky, one hundred fifty plus gigabyte virus that takes bytes to terabytes out of the two point five million gigabytes in our biological computers- brains. And slow downs our processors, very badly. [''puts down iPhone, picks up PS4 controller''] Y'all have a good, safe day. Thank you.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCville Business News
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3ff5qjA60aQ}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/user/MycalFelps MycalFelps]
| stardate = 17 [[April 2016]]
}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

October 2016 Facebook posts

2016-10-24T22:26:43Z

Res:

{{Ongoing}}
This page is an archive of Chris' Facebook posts during October 2016. Posts are sorted by date and linked to the source material from Facebook. Notable comments will be archived and color-coded for reference; those who consistently respond to Chris' posts, e.g. [[Kenneth Englehardt]] and Jessica Quinn, are colored in red and green respectively, while infrequent responders are colored in orange, yellow or purple.

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1166193013475176 Still banned from Walmart]==
{{quotebox|2 October at 8:33 am
The #Walmart of #Ruckersville, #VA, USA, has pressed a ban against me Five Years Ago for a minor misbehavior that was a result from a single bad day. I have personally tried to resolve the matter with a detailed document, and the management has refused to sign it, accepting that he has received and read it in the very least. This Walmart is hereby #Discriminating against the #LGBTQ, as well as people with #autism, and the employees and persecuting management are lowlife corporate Scum, equal to #DonaldTrump. The #HRC will hear of this posthaste.

Stay Away from this Walmart, and do not buy anything from there, as they are uncompassionate, immoral people.

Thank you.

<nowiki>**Please Viral this message.</nowiki>

<nowiki>**ALL comments and responses to this post, I will not be reading, and will be ignoring.</nowiki>
<center><gallery>
File:Walmart1.jpg
File:Walmart2.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1166355060125638 Still banned from Best Buy]==
{{quotebox|2 October at 11:50 am
The #BestBuy of #Charlottessville, #VA, USA, has pressed a ban against me Two Years Ago for an incident that has never transpired piror to the date when they dispelled me from the store, at said store, whatsoever (prior December 26, 2014. They also refuse to present video/recorded, date-labeled evidence to said event that never happened there. I have personally tried to resolve the matter with a detailed document, and the management has not only refused to read it or sign it, accepting that he has received and read it in the very least. The management was super hard-headed and stubborn, even after a five-minute discussion, including the request of presenting said visual evidence. I have tried very hard to be civil and polite, but these people would not let me get a word in edge-wise. And I did have to eventually counter their verbal abuse with hardest eye contact and louder attack. He, amongst them, has attacked me first, Persecuting unjustly verbally and with physical invasion of my personal space. This Best Buy is hereby #Discriminating against the #LGBTQ, as well as people with #autism, and the employees and persecuting management are lowlife corporate Scum, equal to #DonaldTrump. The #HRC will hear of this posthaste.

Stay Away from this Best Buy, and do not buy anything from there, as they are uncompassionate, immoral people.

Thank you.

<nowiki>**Please Viral this message.</nowiki>

<nowiki>**ALL comments and responses to this post, I will not be reading, and will be ignoring.</nowiki>
<center><gallery>
File:BestBuy1.jpg
File:BestBuy2.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1167492206678590 Still banned from GameStop]==
{{quotebox|3 October at 4:05 pm
The #GameStop, #129, of #Charlottessville, #VA, USA, has pressed a ban against me Two Years Ago for a minor misbehavior that was a result from a single bad day. I have personally tried to resolve the matter with a detailed document, and the management has not only refused to read it or sign it, accepting that he has received and read it in the very least. The management was super hard-headed and stubborn, they would not let me get a word in, edgewise. Most Uncouth, and their actions of blocking me out, looking to unrequitedly call the police. I have tried very hard to be civil and polite, but these individuals have forced me to make this critical review against their store. And I did have to counter their verbal abuse with hardest eye contact and louder attack. They have made the First offensive verbal Attack against me. This GameStop is hereby #Discriminating against the #LGBTQ, as well as people with #autism, and the employees and persecuting management are lowlife corporate Scum, equal to #DonaldTrump. The #HRC will hear of this posthaste.

Stay Away from this GameStop and do not buy anything from there, as they are uncompassionate, immoral people.

Thank you.

<nowiki>**Please Viral this message.</nowiki>

<nowiki>**ALL comments and responses to this post, I will not be reading, and will be ignoring.</nowiki>
<center><gallery>
File:GameStop1.jpg
File:GameStop2.jpg
</gallery></center>}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1170560563038421 A philosophical question]==
Chris poses a fatuous "philosophical" question. Kim replies with a remarkably barbed tirade.
{{quotebox|7 October at 1:22 am
I have a philosophical question to open for all: if you could build one, both of which would lead into the skies towards the heavens; would you build the Stairway or the Ladder to Heaven?

Perhaps one method of climbing is easier than the other? Or perhaps the task of building one with such support would be more difficult than the other?

Perhaps your individual answer may say something about you as a person. A lot to think about.}}

Comments:

{{quoteboxyellow|''Kim Wilson''
This is not, at all, a good philosophical question. You're just asking your audience to muse upon physical limitations. Adding the "to heaven" part just makes it seem whimsical, without adding any actual substance to your question. You're effectively asking your audience to decide between taking local roads or taking the freeway.

It doesn't say anything about someone as a person. It's just a question about efficiency.}}
{{quoteboxyellow|''Kim Wilson''
Christine Weston Chandler Here's a much better philosophical question: what if you could suddenly cure your autism? The positive consequence is that you could get on with your life now. It might even cure your horrible gender dysphoria. But the negative consequence is that you'd then understand all the faults you made over the years.

You'd realize how you screwed up with all the girls you've been with, especially (*especially*) Megan and Heather.

You'd realize the truth behind your criminal charges.

You'd realize the truth behind why you're banned from tons of places in town.

You'd basically have full understanding of all your fuckups. I'd imagine that'd be pretty horrifying. But at the same time, you'd have the tools to start fixing things.

Would you choose to get rid of your autism and face the truth behind the curtain?

It'd be kind of like the matrix. You'd be seeing the real world for the first time.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1171969769564167 Fluffle Puff Tales]==
{{quotebox|8 October at 3:46 pm
This is Super Cute and Fun. }}
He linked to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTLGxBMo6tQ this video].

==[https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1175599532534524&set=a.278642068896946.64983.100002534669114&type=3 How many licks?]==
{{quotebox|12 October at 7:37 pm
How many licks does it take? A college has answered that. 3481 licks without biting.
[[File:Siri tootsie roll.jpg|thumb]]}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/LizzyTheLezzy/posts/10153920777361863?comment_id=10153923062436863&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R0%22%7D Pmurt should take parodies in jest]==
Chris commented on a Lizzy the Lezzy post about Donald Trump's reaction to an SNL parody of himself.
{{quotebox|17 October at 7:55 am
If he can't take [[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]] and not as a direct hit to his [[ego]], he is definitely not mature; more like a [[Chris|spoiled baby brat]].}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1180531312041346 Chris has a cold]==
{{quotebox|17 October at 7:56 am
feeling sick.

Well, I have a cold in my throats at its worst yesterday and today. Chicken Noodle Soup, fluids and rest for me today.

Have a good and safe day.}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/LizzyTheLezzy/posts/10153920608566863?comment_id=10153923074106863&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R0%22%7D Sexual assault allegations against Trump]==
Chris commented on a Lizzy the Lezzy post about the sex assault allegations against Donald Trump.
{{quotebox|17 October at 8:01 am
Oh, My God! What a real sadistic bas****! }}

==[https://www.facebook.com/LizzyTheLezzy/posts/10153920822921863?comment_id=1808292462741659&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R0%22%7D Confederate flag vs LGBT flag]==
Chris commented on a Lizzy the Lezzy post about a Trump supporter's flag.
{{quotebox|17 October at 8:02 am
That imagery alone Pisses Me Off!}}

==[https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/posts/1180553142039163 "Chritobel" is Trump]==
{{quotebox|17 October at 8:27 am
I just realized something: the "Chritobel" in the book, "The Girl Who Fought The World"; THAT character is Donald Trump in a perverted nutshell. Vivian Gee portrayed Trump most accurately.}}
Note: "Chritobel" in the book is Christopher, aka [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]].
{{facebook}}

Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt

2016-10-04T03:02:56Z

Res:

{{Transcription}}
'''[[Monty Python|Something Completely Different]] - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt''' is a video Chris uploaded in 27 September 2016. The video is mainly Chris going through a bit of [[random access humor]] using Transformers figurines while being anti-Trump, or [[Pmurt]], as he has dubbed him. He also announces, somewhat passive aggressively, that his [[Financhu Crisis|financial situation]] has improved. He also hints at being aware that most of his [[trolls|fans]] are tired of all of his donation requests and that they know he has been spending the [[Chris and Money|money]] on the usual assortment of toys and fast food.
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5Dz0cZ-t2cI}}
| stardate = 27 [[September 2016]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Oh, Wait. I've got one more...|Oh, Wait. I've got one more...]]
| next = [[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Hello|Hello]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again with something completely different! And now I just wanna say for the record of note, I mean, my mom and I, we've been faring a little better financially, so, that's why I have not been uploading videos of requesting more money. So, don't think that I've been spending it all—spending it all on... frivalities, they have been going towards food. And definitely as I've cited in my—one of my recent Facebook posts to help the little kitten who has the hurt foot, Sorbet.

But anyway, for everybody who's donated, and uh, paid for video requests, uh, we thank you very much. Seriously, for all the good donat—for all the good money. And more donations are greatly appreciated, as well as all moneys for video requests. And it's like, y'know, I'm not gonna beg every five seconds for money. 'Cause it's fickle finances, we do good one day, we do bad some days, it happens, whatever.

Mmkay. So anyway, with that, now for something completely different! A few Transformer jokes!

[''Chris pulls up [[Wikipedia:Galvatron|Galvatron]] figure'']
And here's...Trumptotron. Hello!

[''Chris moves over red and black transformer, making trotting noises''] Mein Fuhrer!

[''Chris spits''] Right in the Fuhrer's face. Zere is und Autobot on ze Autobahn! How do you feel about that, mein Fuhrer?

[''Chris makes spitting gesture, shifting hand to Galvatron''] Mmm... that's okay.

Now get away from me, you stupid lugnut!

Brawn, it's me! Donald Trump!

I know who you are, and that's why I'm voting for Hillary.

[''Chris knocks over purple Transformer with other''] You lady-hatin' bastard.

Pew! That's right, knock his head off. Knock his block off.

[''Chris brings over Equestria Girls figurine, placing Autobot head in her hand''] We hate you, Trump! We do not want you to be president. You would've put the money to businesses instead of the country.

[''Chris jerks figure, knocking over Autobot head''] Thank you. You go around...[''mumbling''] you dis—you criticize women because of how they look and everything. Rat bastard. [''Chris makes figure kick Autobot head'']

But now for on the brighter—on the positive side, [''Chris brings out Optimus Prime figure''] I am an optimist! My name is Optimus. Optimist, Optimus, Optimist, Optimus, yeaaahh! I am an optimist! My name's Orion! Optimist Orion! Optimist Orion! Yeaaahh! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo.

Eh, I come up with jokes as random as I feel like it, but whatever. Pfft. That was something completely different. And now, we'll stomp Donald Trump's head. Vote Hillary! Vote Hillary because she ''is'' the smart—the more smart, more intelligent choice. And definitely more mature than Trumpy Galvatron. Trumpy Trump Pmurt. The P is silent when you say his name backwards. Pmurt! Winert! Pew!

Thank you, have a good day.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2009

2016-10-04T02:59:15Z

Res:

The '''Gal Pal E-mails''' are a set of emails which Chris sent to multiple [[gal pal|female friends]] over the years, all of whom were played by the troll who played [[Emily]]. They were leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Forums]] gradually beginning in late [[January 2015]]. While most of them are not dated, they appear to range from June through September [[2009]]. During this period, Chris had to deal with the hacking of his [[PS3]] by [[Jack Thaddeus]] and friends, a [[Liquid Chris|brown-striped impostor]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|angry parents]], and [[muscle bra|fashion discoveries]]. The names of several innocents have been hidden.

[[Gal Pal E-mails 2|More e-mails were leaked]] in September 2016.

==Messed-up biological clock==
On 5 [[June 2009]], Chris's [[YouTube]] account was hacked by trolls. On 10 June, he regained control, apparently with the help of this gal pal, who Chris thanks in this email. Their relationship seems to be rather new.

{{quotebox|
Hey, [redacted]. I'm sorry for not picking up. I was busy with a project Monday night, then I fell asleep later on. Confidentially, Sunday after awaking at 6 PM (I think I told you about what happened; missed [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] with wrong AM/PM setting, and slept in some more), I stayed awake for over 24 hours, then I fell asleep this morning during 1 AM. I had a busy day yesterday, between my meeting with [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]], going out for breakfast with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]], picking up a perscription, thinking further about the [[LittleBiGPlanet]] level (I've made up a set of 8 Sonichu/Rosechu Dolls; they're cute), and other things I can't remember at the moment. Anyway, after falling asleep this morning, I didn't feel like much, so I took a day off; I fed my [[Chandler Cats|cats]] though. I got up a short while ago at about 11 PM.

I know, I know; my [[biological clock]] reverted back to a messed-up status. Which is one reason I need an in-person [[Sweetheart|girlfriend/sweetheart]]; to encourage me to "Come to Bed" and nudge me and stayed until I was fully awake, at more appropriate times. *sigh* I'm only human.

Anyway, I've received your voicemail, and that is good you got my [[YouTube]] back. Thank you, [redacted] (if I may call you that). :) I'll ask you to hold onto the password and spell it out for me, letter/number by letter/number, tomorrow night in your call. I promise to leave my phone on Loud and Pick Up. I set my phone to silent when asleep, but the Alarm is still loud always.

I'll likely go for a walk at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]] this coming afternoon; other things that come up may come up.

But all in all, I am still healthy and okay. :) Thank you for your concern, and I aplogize for any bother I may have caused you.

Send my kind regards to [redacted] and [redacted] for me. You all take care, and I'll talk to you later.

Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==Ranking China==
According to the Gal Pal: "Backstory to this is that friend of Chris had a sleepover with [[Trolls|some other girls]] who joined in on a phone call with him... And the Easter Egg(s) is the girl named Crystal which is pretty easy to guess but we had [[BlueSpike]] voice Azul, hurr hurr get it? Sorry, bad joke. Blue had to do falsetto because at that point his voice wasn't that of a 13 year old. "

{{quotebox|Mon, Jun 15, 2009 at 11:58 AM
They all look soo good. Thank you. Also, IMHO, between Crystal and Scout; I would definitely love to date either one of them, and after giving thought to last night's chat as well... I'd give my first date ever to Scout. My reasons behind the decision: they both are really hot and beautiful.

Crystal did show good, honest interest in me. She was also very sweet in how she talked. Her name is the same as the name I had planned on giving to my future daughter. Yet she said she would be going back to California shortly.

Granted Scout has her eyes on another dude, there is a chance that he may not feel for her or that he can be already taken or is gay (not to put down the guy in her eyes or offend her personally). She was fun to talk with. She gives off an encouraging energy that I feel more attracted to. She has the same hairstyle and figure as the women who have seen in my dreams before (the water-filled labyrinth and YES, the one I had recently with the asian-looking woman). And I have the impression that she lives around C-Ville; please verify that for me.

I would have included Azul in the rankings; she was HOT too, but she already has her own children, and I was not looking for a woman already with children. But still, I highly compliment her figure, looks and charm. Although she is shy now, she can overcome that easily soon; yet that makes her more cute and can work for her when she is ready to find a guy here in the U.S. I wish her very well in her future. :)

I still would like to meet all of them and hang out for a while, if possible before Crystal has to leave.

Also, talking about the "Lisp" of a gay dude, like I said before, a "lisp" to me is the speech imparement from lack of a few teeth. The word that would have been more appropriate and understandable was "Efemminate". But that's just for your information.

Please send my kind regards to Crystal, Scout and Azul for me. And if Scout is willing to give me a real-life try (dating me), please give her my number, so we can set up a date.

Oh, and also, the picture of Crystal and Scout, is that really a room in your house, [REDACTED]? It looks good. What does that sign above the window say? I can only make out 2/3 to 75% of it.

I'll TTYL.
Love and Peace to you all, Christian C.

P.S.

Please let me know if Logan accepted my apology.
}}

==The Cwcville political scene==
Chris's friend took additional measures to help Chris root out YouTube trolls. On 10 July 2009, Chris uploaded a [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki|video]] calling "Shmion Sonozaki" a "coward, naive, retarded individual," contributing to the suspension of his account.

{{quotebox|
Thank you for informing me about this person, and I understand the message you relayed from [redacted]. Please see what else you can learn about "Shmion Sonozaki"; where he/she lives for one thing.

Also, about that Cwcville Site; it is Blasphemous how far they took the [[Billy Mays]] lie. Upon further consideration, I would say [[Cwcville]] is more of a King/Queen type of politic, since I would not want anyone else taking over my city and whatnot. Still, as you know I run it with a firm hand, and keep it in a healthy state. I also with to contact the webmaster of that site and tell him myself about his erroneous statements, and also make it Clear that Billy was NEVER Mayor. *sigh* *What a headache*

Also, I remembered what I wanted to let you know about last night; I've found the Complete DVD set of the anime, "Shuffle", at Best Buy yesterday for $49.99 (plus tax). I have downloaded the entire 24-episode series from the Playstation Store for $1.99 per episode. At <nowiki>1.99 X 24 = 47.76,</nowiki> it was obvious that downloading the episodes was the Better Bargin there. [[Chris and brand loyalty|That's a Plus for Sony]].

I've just read an e-mail from [redacted]. I'll forward it to you to let you know what he said. At least we all can still meet up at the Downtown Mall Friday to hang out; please let me know if [redacted] can join us.

I'll TTYL,

Peace,

Christian C.}}

==Experiments with alcohol and balloon art==
On 13 July 2009, [[Chris's Big Night Out II|footage]] of Chris hanging out in a bar with friends was uploaded onto YouTube. On the same day, [[Jack Thaddeus]] gave what Chris calls a "sex-challenge," that he must upload a video of himself having sex with a hooker in order to win back his hacked PSN network accounts. Not long afterward, Chris sent the following email.

{{quotebox|Wed, Jul 15, 2009 at 2:43 AM
I'm sorry I didn't pick up earlier; I drifted off at about 6:30 PM. I had a day. I awoke 6 AM; fed my cats, had breakfast and whanot. Later went with [[Bob Chandler|my father]] to [[Burger King]]; I only had a cup of coffee. I confided in my father about my [[alcohol|drinking]]; he was not as cool as I thought he was going to be. Still, he taught me about his vast knowledge of liqour, wine and [[Reeb|beer]]. We stopped by the nearby ABC and Food Lion on the way home for him to show me the varieties from his P.O.V.

He has sampled a lot of varieties in his lifetime. He would love to sit out on his outdoor swing and have a Miller or a Micolobe (mom too), but they both take a LOT of medications, so they can't drink alcohol, cause mixed with their medications in their bodies could kill them. I was hoping he would not tell mom about it, but he said he HAD to tell her. She gave me 2 minutes of her emotions, compressed into a few I statements and telling me what she is limiting in her things for me; food and gas money. But I'm sure she'll be over it soon and it will go back to normal. It's not like I drink everyday, although I did for a short while, then I had a short dry spell.

My family is also concerned about [[Chris and health|my health]], because I'm taking one medication for my [[stress]]-management, as well as an imitation of Lipitor. I have an appointment with my doctor this afternoon, so I'll ask him about that (upon my mother's suggestion).

Later on, at about 2, I went downtown with my father to the Shell at Pantops for their Hot Dogs (He liked their cole slaw and BBQ meat they had before on their Hot Dog fixings bar, as well as the old deal they had on their dogs; 2 for something inexpensive. But the price rose, they no longer had the cole slaw and BBQ, and while we still had two dogs there, he's crossed that location off his list of good places to eat. Then he went to the nearby CVS for motion sickness pills, the C'Ville Market for Tomatoes, then the nearby Goodwill upon my request (I've bought a denim jacket). Then we got back home about 4:30.

I put the jacket in with a load of laundry, then I watched the X-Play reruns my DVR recorded for me from today. They replayed their 1 hour special on the MMO Gameplay. It was interesting; they also had shots from Second Life among the MMO games. Then I felt like turning on an episode of [[Monty Python]] on my [[PS3]], and I was debating on heading out tonight, or where I could go right now to flirt with women before the Baja. I was left feeling drowzy, and I fell asleep.

Aside from my day, my father told me the fate of those bottles of wine we had that I mentioned before. They got lost in the movings from house-to-house during my [[Providence Middle School|Middle]] and [[High School]] years (from among 4 houses in all), and the wine rack they were housed in was donated to a Goodwill.

Also, I looked up your YouTube account from my [[IBAChandler|new account]] last morning. I thought I asked you not to upload any new videos you shot of me. No hard feelings, but I respectfully ask you to refrain from Uploading any more in the future, please. Lord knows how many [[trolls]] have mocked me from the footage, even to Mirror the videos for their personal use.

And after awakening from my nap a few minutes ago, I had a thought from asking [redacted] to create a Balloon Sneaker for the balloon mouse to live in. With my mind as creative as a [[CADD]] program, I had imagined how a 3-dimensional sneaker could be made from 2 or 3 inflated white balloons and 2 uninflated gray balloons (for sneaker laces), even to expand it to be a boot (so he can pretend he caught a boot instead of a fish).

Then I had the idea, [redacted] is THAT GOOD at Balloon Art; I'm going to look up a Balloon Art Convention (for in case he does not know of any) for him, and I am confident in his ability to put together the BIGGEST thing he'd like to create from balloons; he could create a human-size Statue of Liberty if he wanted to.

Aside from my doctor's appointment this afternoon, I also have a meeting with Rocky. I'm also going to hang at the mall to flirt with the ladies; may as well Strike while my confidence is HOT.

I'll TTYL. Take care and Stay safe.

Love and Peace,

Christian C.

P.S.

What are your thoughts about the [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails|sex-challenge]] I was thrusted with?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Wed, Jul 15, 2009 at 11:37AM
Good to hear you're doing alright. It did sound like you had a full day! I'm also proud of you that you told your parents. While they may be disappointed for now, it's a step forward in them understanding you're an adult now. It's unfortunate that they cannot enjoy a beer now and then because of their medication, because it could have been an activity you all could have shared.

I apologize that you did not want any new videos up, because you never mentioned not wanting them there. So in the future any new vids will only be shared between us and Taylor. I also think the trolls are just jealous of your new found
confidence because they have none. Either way, just tell me beforehand if you want things shared on YouTube for future reference.

You enjoy your meeting with Rocky today. I think it's great you have somebody like her to talk to. I can tell you look up to her from all the things you tell me you've learned from her. Also, good luck at the mall today, I'm glad you're confidence it skyrocketing!

I believe you can get through with the sex challenge. Just keep your confidence up!

Anyhow. Feel free to e-mail me with any new updates from today. Have a good day!}}

{{quotebox|Wed, Jul 15, 2009 at 1:42PM
Thank you, ... :)

Also, I think I told you about the PSN account situation so far.

New Update; I've just called Dan Gallen (a bigwig at Sony), who helped me out with getting my US accounts back. He had it set that only my PS3 console was banned from the PSN for the time; I've asked him to restrict access to my accounts for the remainder of the time. Also, he apparently had the access to my PS3's stats, so I've asked him to reset my out-of-country accounts' e-mail addresses and whatnot, so hopefully that challenge will be not a concern now. If Jack tells me he can't get into any of those accounts, then I'm cool. I've also made the suggestion of requesting all Download History Trophy information be copied into a temporary PSN Code for transferring to a NEW PSN account when switching; he was impressed with the suggestion and will relay it to the PSNPeople who handle the updates and whatnot.

gtgnow, but I'll TTYL. Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==Chris looks for a free hooker==
This email was sent not long after the previous one. In an effort to meet Jack Thaddeus's demand, Chris turned to Craigslist, but to no avail.

{{quotebox|
In my sarch on [[Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :(}}

==Finding someone who will agree to have sex with Chris==
Given Chris's lack of success in finding a hooker, Chris's gal pal apparently volunteered her services in finding him a sex partner. Having located a possible candidate, Chris debated how much she needed to know about Jack Thaddeus and his blackmail. It is unclear whether this anonymous woman was requesting that she be paid for having sex with Chris. In any case, nothing came of this, and Chris would remain a [[virgin with rage]] for the next couple years. Jack Thaddeus withdrew this particular ultimatum on 19 July 2009.

{{quotebox|
I've given it more thought and calmed down a bit as well. You may inform [redacted] about me being the creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], and that I have Fans and Trolls who have been contacting/troubling me. Show her some of my art if possible. And let her know about my PSN account; that the Trolls have hacked into it twice before and they've gotten into it again, and I've been troubled with recovering that. About that much to let her be informed about is cool.

If you feel it advisable to let her know about [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]] and his challenge for my out-of-country and second US account, you may tell her about that.

I feel it best if she does know about some to all of the stories/situations, so she doesn't have to feel out of the loop of knowledge. I would feel better if when she agrees to the sex, she has a general understanding and cares enough about me to help.

Thank you for listening, [redacted].

Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==An anime convention and more fun with alcohol==
In this email, Chris's friend tries to get him to attend Otakon, an [[anime]] convention, which was held in Baltimore from July 17 to 19. While Chris would not attend, [[Liquid Chris]] did, and made a killing off Sonichu merchandise, galvanizing Chris to start a [[Liquid Chris#CWCivil War begins|civil war]].

Chris also gropes his television screen.

{{quotebox|
I will get the pages rolling soon within the week.

Also, thank you for the Otakon info. $65 sounds affordable, but I'm not sure I could afford the other essentials like gas, souvineres and whatnot. If [redacted] is cool, I can share a ride with you two on the trip, and I'll sleep in the Lounge area. I could fend for myself at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]] or somewhere inexpensive like that. But I'll let you and [redacted] discuss that. If it is cool, I would pay my $65 for the Otakon.

Also, I did something completely different today, this morning, while my father was reading his paper at the Burger King in [[Ruckersville]], I snuck over to the nearby ABC store (telling him I was going to the Pawn Shop), and not only did I find the Jack Daniels, But I found some pre-made Long Island Tea in a Bottle for $10. So after gathering the funds, I returned later for that, a Sweet & Sour Mix, two Lemons and a 2-Liter Coca Cola. I've filled 5 12oz bottles from Mike's Hard Cranberry/Lemonade; I had one earlier. I have expierenced the tipsy feeling, and then some, in my [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. I played the "Roy Rogers McFreely" episode of "American Dad" on my PS3, mainly to learn what it was mixed with a cold Coke to make a Roy Rogers; GRENEDINE! :D I'll try that in a week or so. Also, I was soo tipsy, after Hayley exposed her painted breasts, I paused, founced over to my HDTV and try to feel her breasts. Soo Silly. :)

Before today, [redacted] told me they didn't sell Long island in bottles; I've just proved him wrong. F.Y.I., the mix was a "Barton" Brand, and it was located under "Mixes" at the ABC.

Another note, I want [redacted] I pray she'll give me some time over the Killzone 2 Extra.

I'll TTYL

Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==Who was the very first troll?==
On 24 July 2009, when Chris asked Jack why he was being trolled, Jack cryptically [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 3|replied]], "Who was the very first troll? That will answer your question." This captured Chris's attention. Chris sent a near-identical copy of this email to [[Katie Bay]] on 26 July.

{{quotebox|
Damn! Upon personal mental recollection, the Earliest Trolls I know of are as follows:

-[[Michael Snyder|Michael Snycer]], Current Owner/manager of [[The GAMe PLACe|the Game and Hobby Place]]. He's hated my guts after multiple times borrowing the store's HDTV for Console Gameplay. And in subtle retalliation, I hand wrote, on a cardboard box, "Michael Love the "F" Out of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]!" I tried to protect myself when he found it WEEKS later after having wrote it; I even convinced myself that the "F" meant "Fiddlesticks"; It originally meant "Fuck". That was why the Son of a Bitch [[Jews|Jew]] kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the [[Pokemon]] [[TCG]] League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then. I was kicked out about Friday, June 13, 2008; it Was a Friday.

-[redacted] (A Possible Troll) You know the story; tried to win her over in about 2 years time before I was kicked out of The Game Place. She was rarely all that into me either, fairly much like how [redacted] was Not into me either, but at least [redacted] Told Me Quicklu, instead of trying to be subtle over a LOOONG Time.

-[redacted] I have No idea of what the fuck got into his head, because we were like buddies in the history of the Pokemon and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yu-gi-Oh]] TCGs. He always got me quick with his Squirtle, No Wartortle, with Pokemon Breeder Deck. Bu I Know, with the help of my father's Scooby-Doo Detective Work that [redacted] Was the One who put that Damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Sign in my front yard, Halloween Night, 2008. There's a video somewhere on YouTube of the bastard showing off his deed with pictures of mine and my dad's cars' Behinds with the License Plate, And a pic of the accomplice Girlfriend (Upon zoomed-in Perspective, I know that gal was [redacted] from what I could tell of the blurred face, hairstyle and body type).

[redacted] Friend, [redacted] was the Troll who too that snapshot of mr the last Friday Night of October, 2007, that went onto that damn ED Page in its Early Days of being typed up. It was Also the same Friday Night I became SHOCKED witnessing [redacted] making out with this turned-homosexual dude, Christopher (don't remember his last name... Could This Chris be the Chris Crocker [[Samantha Thaddeus|Sam]] was talking about trolling later?), then started a game shortly after, still in shock, and during the whole game, I nervously talked like a robot. But I Saw the Camera Flash, and the Photographer was TALL and wearing a trenchcoat; [redacted] with a Capitol "T R O L L".

I have never suspected:

-[redacted]; he was a cool guy.

-Any of the other individual employees who worked under Michael's Management.

And I Know these are NOT Trolls:

-[redacted] - He was a Family Man, with a job as a Physics Teacher at Albemarle High; Squall was One of his Passing Students.

-[redacted] -

He was a scrappy little spanish child, who lived with his Grandma. He was a Prankster, but he cared about me as a friend. Last time I saw him in person, He GREW Taller than me at about 13 (which that is his current age, as far as I can tell).

Impulsively, I would like to Pay Michael A Surprise Visit, But I don't want to go back in there unarmed with only memories. I Need my friends. :)
Please see what you can learn about the confirmed Trolls I have just Listed, And Find out what you can up to firing that guy Sam knows at Sony, as well as her "brother" and the "hungry reporter" at NBC29.

Thank you. Stay Safe,

Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==Chris asks Michael for a 500-word essay==
Still bothered by Jack's question, Chris continued the search for clues by sending a letter to [[Michael Snyder]]. He constructed this typed copy of his hand-written letter for his gal pal. Why Chris expected Mike to respond to this weird combination of anger and civility is beyond neurotypical understanding.

{{quotebox|
I will type it up verbatim now;

July 27, 2009

Michael Snyder/

The GAMEe PLACe

243 Ridge McIntire Rd.

[[Charlottesville]], VA 22903

Michael,

It has been About One Year, One Month, Two Weeks (14 Days) since you kicked me out of my weekly volunteer work at "your" store with [redacted] at the Pok'emon Trading Card Game League. FIDDLESTICKS! The feelings of that shameful event between you, my mother, Barbara Anne Weston Chandler, and me (Both of Me; [[Christopher's name change|Christian of NOW, and Christopher of the '80s]]). I want to let you know that I no longer hold hard emotions against you of that day, as well as a few fridays before when you BOASTED NO Wii-Play. There WERE Children without the Electivere, Magmortar and Surfing Pikachu.

<nowiki>*SIGH*</nowiki>

So, I will ask you again, Please Let Me BAck Into The PLACe.

But Now I get to the Main Point of hand-writing this Letter today. You know WELL not only of the Encyclopedia Dramatica Page against me, but of my infinite (symbol) swarm of countless Internet Bullies and Trolls who (quoting Stan Bush),

"Trying to break your (my) spirit, Keeping you (me) down," but I fight them all and emerge victorious after "Fighting for the things you (I) know are right."

I Digress. I am looking up and searching for the VERY FIRST "CWC TROLL"; the very First Individual who Ranted Against Me, Sonichu and Rosechu. Enclosed is a copy of my List of Suspects from as early as October, 2007. You are at the top of the list. I have already informed my church's pastor, pastoral counsoler And Our Charlottesville Detective (working on stopping these Trolls).

I WANT YOU TO BE GOD-WATCHING HONEST WITH ME, Michael Snyder.

-Are You One of those Trolls?

-For Reasons Before November 2007, Why did you hate me or Troll me? *The Wii-Thing DOES NOT COUNT, because that happened June, 2008.*

-What did I ever do to you?

-*WHY TROLL ME ABOVE ALL MORE SUCCESSFUL or LESS SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE?

-Or in short, for you to respond with a MINIMUM 500-Word Essay, What The F***?

Please reply via Hand-Written Letter ONLY, as Quickly As Possible.

Have a good day.

Peace,

Christian W. Chandler

(angry Sonichu face with lightning bolts sparking)

And out of the WHOLE list e-mail, here is what I had enclosed for his information out of it:

[letter cuts off]}}

==A pretty girl and a brown-striped impostor==
This email was probably sent on 29 July 2009. Chris had finished and uploaded [[Episode 19]] the day before.

{{quotebox|
I have some good news, and I would appreciate your input as well. :)

On the way home from Church today, I stopped by Best Buy for a catalog and a short browse; while I was wondering the PSP Aisle, this pretty girl who works there asks me, "May I Help You?" I said, "No thanks, I'm just browsing," then I got a good look at her. Then she complimented my [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]; she wanted bigger frames fromt the pair she has; she's nearsighted too. Then the [[Medallion|Medal]] came into Talk; without saying my name yet, I told her in a nutshell about being the original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and Cwcville, and the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic pages]] I had, as well as being internet famous, with Trolls; had the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Original Site]], had to take it down, then with help from a friend of mine (that's you), I'm back up and runnin' on [[Cwcipedia]]. Then she was like, "Oh! I know you from your YouTube Videos. What was your name? Don't tell me... Okay, give me a hint." "Name the Religion." "My Religion?" "No, The Religion." "Oh, Chrstian!" Then I asked her name; her name is [redacted]. We chatted a bit further, and then we parted ways for the time. I'll be coming back to Best Buy for "Music Advice" later this week and try to ask her out.

If you, or [redacted] or [redacted] would like to check her out for yourself; she didn't wear a nametag today, but she was one of the Blue-Shirted Employees; has Cinnamon-Brown Hair, tan and eye-makeup; about 4 to 5 feet tall. I think her hair was long.

Also, I've completed the [[Dating Education]] Episode last night, and the episode is fully colored, texted and uploaded onto Cwcipedia. Then, with the Billy Mays page, I created a Memorial Page; I invited him to come back and visit Charlottesville (invited his family too) for our current or future Dogwood Festival. Imagine if that happened, and if there was a Photographic moment of me shaking hands with Billy Mays 3; THAT would put a kick in the Trolls balls.

That reminds me, as for [[Liquid Chris|the Impostor]] taking the Troll Load off of me, as nice as that sounds, I just can not let that happen. He takes my Trolls; he would take the Good Fans as well. And where does that leave me? Nowhere.

Plus, if you watched his foreign-talking video recently, he Creepily Mentions DarkHorse Comics (just after [redacted] talked about it). Still, I have a new goal among my goals; start the Comic-Talk between me and DarkHorse, DC or Marvel. I've decided to leave Archie behind, as from what I've seen in their books, they don't cut as much adult meat as I have covered once or twice, as you may remember. And the Impostor pretty much made me feel uncomfortable about DarkHorse, because HIM saying it at the moment, and the way he said it, it was equivilant to a Mother or Father joining in on a Child's current Fad; TURN-OFF for the Child. But I won't let that stop me from talking to DarkHorse if they start talking to me.

I gtg for now. I'll take a break, then I'll draw the Samurai Pizza Autobots on a page, as I have done for practice with the other Autobots and Decepti-Clones.

Stay safe and take care.

Love and Peace,

Christian C.

P.S.

[redacted] has also informed me of a Special Summer Celebration Picnic from the C-Ville Therapeutic Recreation Program & The Independence Resource Center; they're having music, games and more, PLUS some [[University of Virginia|UVA]] [[Jerkops|Law Enforcement]] Representatives I could ask for their help in my current situation on starting to put Sonichu and Rosechu into the business world and whatnot. I will be attending the picnic.}}

==Printer trouble and a creepy plot==
While Chris was infuriated that [[Liquid Chris]] was impersonating him, he also saw this as an opportunity to convince Liquid's girlfriend [[Kacey]] that he was "the Real C.W.C." This evolved into a dumb plan to trick Kacey into coming to his house so that they could have sex. It involved [[For Kacey from CWC|video]], [[Kacey Call 1|phone calls]], and [[Katie Bay E-mails 4|help from friends]].

{{quotebox|3 August 2009
ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

8/3/09

A couple of things. Currently, my Scanner is out of order; something wrong with the Print Cartridge. Trials and Errors lead me to believe it may have something to to with the copper contact prongs syncing up with the cartridge. I use an HP Printer/Copier/Scanner, it takes HP 56 Black/57 Color, but it has been working with the less expensive Nukote Cartridges up till now (Nukote can be found at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and Sam's Club; they are Recycled Cartridges with new ink).

I also wanted to check on if you've got in touch with [redacted] yet, or your thoughts on the topic. Please let me know. I will also ask [redacted] to get in touch with [redacted] to better soften the hard truth before she comes over, meets the real parents, then the Real C.W.C.

I will do some drawing of new pages today, some coloring too. If you know anyone who will look a my printer and repair it as a favor, I would appreciate it. Although, I may ask Liz [Reverend Elizabeth Foss] or [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rock]] if they know anyone as well. Whatever. :)

I'll TTYL,

Stay safe, take care,

Love and Peace,

Christian C.}}

==My mother and my father are angry with me!==
This panicked email is best read in conjunction with [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|a certain video]] he made on the same day.

{{quotebox|27 August 2009
chrischansonichu@aol.com

8/27/09

Also, because of [[Tour of Chris's House|my MONTHS-OLD mistake]], my mother took away my Car Keys, my Drivers License... TRAPPING ME IN [[14 Branchland Court|THE HOUSE THAT LOVE BUILT]], BUT YEARS LATER, CHAOS ENSUED! *sob*

Mom and Dad are both very angry with me. I've informed [redacted] and I'll call my detective tomorrow. IDK, you have IN with the trolls, please see if you can talk them into HELPING me remove that footage off of the internet. (I KNOW, they'll be too damn stubborn, stupid and cocky to help, but any port in a hurricane). *feelin' dizzy*

I gotta get back to searching on YouTube for the similar videos and flagging them; you flagging them can help too.

Please tell [redacted] all that for me; maybe she and her family can help, IDK.

RALLY THE GOOD, LOYAL TROOPS!

Yet another MAJOR REASON TO TAKE DOWN THAT E.D. Page, because they probably have all that shit on there as well. And all it took was ONE TROLL calling my house and telling my father about seeing a portion of his Wall of Records (LPs) in pictures.

HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!

Because aside from flagging, IDK what to do. Originally, the videos were uploaded onto a Mega Upload site (I FORGOT WHICH ONE) in a zip folder for "[[Julie]]".

[[Chris and religion|God and Christ Help Me]].

I'm sorry, but I'm [[stress|stressing]] out here.

TTYL,

Christopher Christian W.C.}}

==Paranoia reigns at 14 Branchland Court==
This email provides a follow-up from the events of the previous day.

{{quotebox|28 August 2009
ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

8/28/09

It can be better... Did you tell anyone about my telling you about my parents threatening to kick me out? I'm not blaming you; I'm just asking. And let me remind you that everything I tell you should be treated as confidential ONLY between you, [redacted], [redacted] and [redacted] (BTW, I trusted [redacted] with viewing [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#Uncut|the uncut video]] last night; I felt I could trust her).

Also, my mother is in an untrusting mood; she is not trusting anyone right now, including you and [redacted] it's not y'all's faults, and I think at the time communications between you and my parents can only stir more trouble.

Maybe wait a week or two, then I think it would be advisable for you to call my family on their house phone (leave a message, as my father moniters all incoming calls on caller ID and left messages) from y'alls house or cell phone; NO SKYPE to my house, please. Then you can meet my father at least (he's the more socialable parent right now) and try to quell the mistrust my family feels.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

I'm trying to restore peace into this house that is now filled with chaos, because of those trolls.

I'll copy most of this message for [redacted] to read as well, because I feel it advisable for her to meet my family in person as well (especially the chance of better things to come between me and her). :)

I'll TTYTonight,

Stay Safe and Take Care,

Christopher Christian W. Chandler.}}

==Tugboat confusion==
In a [[Kacey Call 4|phone call]] on the previous day, [[Kacey]] had used "tough love" to persuade Chris to look for a job.

Another piece of interesting information in this email is that Chris is trying to apply for a copyright. Unlike the job search, this effort would eventually [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|bear fruit]].

{{quotebox|29 August 2009
chrischansonichu@aol.com

8/29/09

But my mother and father are old and a bit stubborn on parting (especially my mother); Tell Them That, not me. If She would wise up, I would only be happy to take All the bulky furniture that is just sitting there out to the front lawn, call Goodwill and have them come and pick up All That.

On a brighter side, my family has calmed some more; I got my keys back, but she says Not to drive myself anywhere.

Also, [redacted] showed me some tough love and encoraged me to fill an application at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], even though I have not confirmed all the details I need to know on the work limits from [[tugboat|Social Security]] yet. The .gov website offered no straightforward answers, and I called the dude the lady at the office reccomended. And I hastily went onto WalMart.com and filled out a job application for the Charlottesville location. [redacted] encoursged me to shoot for a 20 hour work week, but I think the limit is 10 or 15; She told me to be ambitious like that. And in the part of inputting which days I would be available, I left Sat and Sun Not Available, but I filled in the remainder 11 am to 5 pm; that rounds to 30 hours. Crap. I'm stressin', because I still do not understand fully the Work Ticket Limit.

Anyway, I am going to read over the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] forms today and try to understand what I would need to do.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,

Chris.}}

==The muscle bra email==
This is the famous [[Muscle bra#The bra e-mail|muscle bra email]] which had been leaked separately in October 2009. The reference to "hackery" probably refers to his brief, dumb attempt in [[:File:ChristopherWantsOut.PNG|YouTube]] [[:File:ChristopherWantsOut2.PNG|comments]] to make people believe that he had multiple personalities.

{{quotebox|3 September 2009
ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

9/3/09

I'll send the password again. And I can assure you, [redacted] that IT WAS HACKERY. While I am asleep, I have my computer Turned Off and my PS3 set onto Life With Playstation. And lately, I've been having my usual good night sleeps; NO NEW aches and pains from whatever.

Stress causes Memory Loss sometimes. At least I undid the hacker who got into my YouTube.

Also, I did my shopping today; I haven't been able to draw or color today yet, but I will set some time tonight. I got my copy of G.H.5, my new 3-in-one-printer, and I found the [[muscle bra|sports bras]] at Wal-Mart; 3-packs for $10 a pack. In leiu of going into the fitting room, I asked the nearby female employee to measure my bust size; I'm a 43. So I got a 3-set of 42; I've been wearing one for try... It is sooo comfortable, and my [[manboobs]] do not bounce as easily; I jumped a few times to see. OMG, WOW! [[Tomgirl Saga|This material feel so, so, so good on my skin.]] It's like a Guitly Pleasure or something. :)

Anyway, I got my exercise in today. I also went to McD, Toys 'R' Us, Sheetz, Food Lion and Target for applications; NO PAPER APPLICATIONS! OMG, it really ground my gears to realize that. Although at Target, I was not totally surprised; I went straight to their computer station and filled in their application online. But EVERYONE IS LIKE GOING DIGITAL WITH NO PAPER TRAIL; It Sucks! This is even WORSE Than that CRAPPY PowerWeb at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].

Yes, you have read correctly, I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THAT DAMN, STUPID POWERWEB! Even in it's pre-released Over Advertising, which was TOTALLY UNECCESSARY. Every time I was FORCED into using that Damn System, I was always reluctant, and I had to use my Student ID No., which I HAD NEVER CARED TO MEMORIZE; I only glanced at a few numbers at a time upon entry, and "In One Ear And Out The Other" with that soiled piece of what would have been valuable information. You said I was the first person you met to Hate Kenneth; well, I'm probably the first person you met who Always Loathed the PowerWeb since its PreBirth.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

But I digress... and this bra feels sooo good.

Something else, I'll forward you an email I sent to [redacted] last night after our conversation to best start another concern of mine.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,

Chris.}}

==Penis Size==
{{quotebox|Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 6:50PM
I hope you are still sate and well. Also, just a reminder, please get in touch with [REDACTED] to hook me up with a woman who can put-out for me (preferably a white, smoke-free and STD-free 18-27-year old).

Also, I have drawn 2 pages today and I have just uploaded them onto the Cwcipedia. It took me about 3 hours to think, draw and color them. I was offered to hang out with my parents in an outing this afternoon, but I declined, to draw the pages.

In other thoughts on my mind right now, I have just forwarded an e-mail to you from Jack Thaddius; apparently, as the Cwcipedia Sysop told me, Jack bought the ability to sell ad-space on there. "What the hell was he thinking with that damn pickle suit?" In case you haven't seen the two offensive ads yet, there is one for a contest for a Mexico Trip; the image is of a Pickle Person, which offends me, because of the past issues with the people in the Pickle Suits who tricked me online. I suggested to Jack to change the image to the Mexico Flag. And the other is of Peter Griffin, PROMOTING... UGH!!! gay-rights: THAT ONE SHOULD BE REMOVED ALTOGETHER

Something I thought I'd bring up in tonight's phone-talk, do you remember the Pepsi Machines with the Credit Card Slots that used to be at Fashion Square a few years ago? I do; upon first impression, I couldn't wait to try it, but it cost me. $5 at a time, because it was their test to verify the card was valid. I was bothered by that, so later on, after I sorted that out at the bank, I put up hand-written signs to tape on those machines a warning, "Warning. There is a $5 charge per credit card use," or something like that. Eventually a short time after, they removed those machines and replaced them with Coca-Cola Machines. So you can blame me for that swap.

It didn't hit me until later, but what you told me last night, about my penis size being a disappointing size... before I fell asleep, the topic randomly came back in my memory, and I felt bad and belittled from that comment; I cried a bit. Aside from that, I hope the testosterone results with a higher-level of testosterone over estrogen when I take that test in a couple of weeks with a bit of my blood. I feel like my balls were being broken with such comments; I'm just letting you know about that.

"sigh" But I digress. I'll TTYL, Stay Safe,

LOLove, Christian.
}}

==Rambling==
{{quotebox|Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 5:59PM
So far today, I went out with my mom and dad; they went to Kroger for some Rotiseree Chicken for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and for lunch from the Deli, plus Dressing from Wood Grill. I had already eaten, so they dropped me off at Wal-Mart for the while; I walked for half an hour, then I sat at McDonalds with Sudoku on my PSP and a cup of tea. I pondered over the next page for the comic, then I felt down from feeling lonely due to the no-girlfriend thing, and the lack of virgin-breaking sex. I don't remember all the details of the thoughts from the self-reflection, but I do remember some.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit better emotionally, and I am going to draw, color and upload page 86 shortly, and I plan on answering the current set of messages in the mailbag tonight, plus I'll be checking in with some of my relatives to send Thanksgiving Wishes.

Also, I've just received disc one of Sonic X Season 6; I have the episodes ripped, all there is left is to convert them to MP4 files with the PSP Video 9 on my PC and move them into a "Sonic the Hedgehog" folder on my PS3's external hard drive. It will take the total length of time of all the episodes to convert, so that's plenty of time for me to draw that
page.

Also, they've updated the Playstation Store yesterday; they have their 99 cent TV episode sale; some shows for 99 cents apiece; they've included Season 4 of "Heroes", and I downloaded the "Thanksgiving" episode from there. I'll be turning that on while I draw/color.

And I've replied to another e-mail from Vivian; I promised her daily progress reports, and I told her to get in touch with you on other portions of the Sonichu Project.

I had another thought or two, but they escape me at the moment; hopefully I'll remember them before our phone talk later.

Stay Safe,

TTYL, Christian.
}}

{{collapsible
|Gallery
|<center><gallery>

File:Galpal01.png
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File:Galpal 090715 - Experiments with alcohol and balloon art2.jpg
File:Galpal - Penis Size.jpg
File:Galpal 091125 - Rambling.jpg

</gallery></center>}}

{{Emails}}
[[Category:E-mails]]

Sonichu 6

2016-09-19T13:31:44Z

Res:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #6
| cover = Sonichu Issue 6.jpg
| coverdate = 4 July 2006
| finishedcomic = 21 February 2007
| pagecount = 49
| episodes = 12.5, 14
| previous = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
| next = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #6''' is the seventh issue of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic book series. By this point, [[Chris]] seems to have realized that dividing his comics into episodes is pointless if the episodes all run seamlessly together, so the storyline of CWCville's battle with PVCC is confined to a single, lengthy, Episode 14.

However, shortly before beginning work on this issue, Chris's beloved dog [[Patti]] was euthanized on 27 June [[2006]]. Distraught by these events, Chris sought to make the lead story in this issue a tribute to Patti that would create a new life for her as a regular character in [[CWCville]]. Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger with Episode 13, "One Lucky Dog" is set before that story, and labeled as Episode 12.5. The blend between cartoon and real-life is perhaps one of the most interesting and experimental things that Chris has done with the comic (and, in the case of the "experimental" tag, in general), and, sadly, Episode 12.5 is the only episode to feature this.

Chris again let this issue languish for months before finally completing it several days before his twenty-fifth birthday. He was apparently motivated to finish so that he could include the gratuitous shill for his impending [[DVD]].

==Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =One Lucky Dog
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512069055554245.1073741832.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 12.5''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_1 ''Episode 12.5''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_12.5{{!}}''Episode 12.5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P1.htm ''Episode 12.5''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Patti_and_moon.jpg|thumb|FUN FACT: on 26 June 2006, the moon wasn't full; in fact, it was practically a new moon.]]

While it sticks to most of the usual ''Sonichu'' formulas, ''Sonichu'' #6 does distinguish itself from its predecessors, mostly in Episode 12.5.

Chris had inserted photographs of himself into cartoon backgrounds before, most notably in the original [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|jewel case art]] for which he created the Sonichu character. In ''Sonichu'' #6, Chris broadens his experiments with a [[Wikipedia:Photonovel#Fumetti|''fumetti'']] style, blending cartoon characters with photographs of himself and his home. This style returns again in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with some differences. In ''Sonichu'' #6, the [[Patti-Chan]] character is a cartoon existing in the 'real world,' and Chris becomes a cartoon when he enters CWCville. In ''Sonichu'' #10, a 'real world' CWC exists in the cartoon CWCville.

Despite the extensive use of photography in the first half of the story, no photographer is credited. Chris is usually quick to credit people who 'assist' in the production of a ''Sonichu'' episode, because it makes him look like he has friends, so the implication here is that he took the photos himself.

''Sonichu'' #6 is also a departure in emotional depth, compared to previous issues. While the others are generally limited to retarded, one-dimensional characters and narcissistic monologues, in ''Sonichu'' #6 Chris works through a real and empathetic event: the death of his dog. Of course, he works through it in a retarded and narcissistic manner, but it's still more emotionally tangible than anything else he has done.

The final page of the episode is a formal dedication to Patti, with a memorial photograph, birth, and death dates. This is interesting, because it is generally difficult to determine just how grounded in reality Chris's mind is. In some cases, such as the [[BILLY MAYS]] coup, Chris doesn't respect any line between reality and the CWCville universe: there IS a Mayor of CWCville, and the Mayor IS Chris. This page, on the other hand, is a concrete example of Chris separating reality from fiction.

This contrasts sharply with how he memorialized the deaths of the women [[Sarah Jackson|who]] [[Pandahalo|loved]] [[Ivy|him]], where he callously recreated their horrific deaths in comic format as a means of removing them from his comic.

Since [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] ended on a cliffhanger, this story is set between Episodes 12 and 13 of that issue.

===Synopsis===
Chris's dog, Patti, is old and suffering from an "itchy" rump. She looks up at the full [[Moon]] and wishes for the ability to walk and talk like Chris, that she might thank him for his years of kindness. After baying at the Moon, Patti eats some grass in the backyard, unknowingly catching a [[Wikipedia:Four-leaf clover|four-leaf clover]] in her teeth. When she lies down and sleeps, the magic power of moonbeams casts some sort of spell onto her.

The following day, Chris emerges from his house to feed Patti, only to discover her transformed into an anthropomorphic dog-creature. When Patti speaks aloud for the first time, both she and Chris are shocked. Patti realizes her wish came true, although neither she nor Chris knows how this has happened, and nobody asks any questions.

After a snack and a bath, Chris gives Patti a clover medallion, and a green sash to cover her dog junk. Together, they sit on a bench, swing outside, and Patti thanks Chris for everything. Rejuvenated by her transformation, Patti expresses a desire to roam the world beyond her pen, but doesn't know where to go. After considering the matter for a moment, Chris decides to take her to [[CWCville]], where she can wander the city without frightening the populace. Unlike [[Ruckersville]], CWCville's citizens are used to monstrous man-beasts wandering their city and [[Monthly tugboat|living off of welfare]].

To get to CWCville, Chris leads Patti into his house (apparently for the first time), and takes her to his bedroom. Using his [[Nintendo]] DS, Chris opens a portal that leads into his mayoral office in [[CWCville Mall]]. Patti wonders how Chris can run CWCville from his home in Ruckersville, but Chris explains that most of the work is handled by his secretary [[Allison Amber]], who coordinates with Chris using a satellite link-up to his DS.

Chris provides Patti with a scepter and bracelets, each imbued with a [[Chris and his Ego|portion of his own power]], to defend herself from CWCville's enemies. He also gives her a [[monthly tugboat|"Golden CWCville Card"]]--a debit card of sorts--and a cell phone in case of emergencies. After an emotional embrace, Patti wanders off on her own.

===Advertisement===
Are you ready to ROCK? An ad for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].

==Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"==
{{Resources
| title =Evil is Afoot!
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512069055554245.1073741832.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 14''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_15 ''Episode 14''
| videobook =Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook#Episode_14{{!}}''Episode 14''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic7P8.htm ''Episode 14''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOlJFhomzZc&index=18&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Ep. 14 Part 1''
| audiobook2 =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTNruFuDwSA&index=19&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Ep. 14 Part 2''
}}
===Overview===
[[Image:Sonichu-6 notsow.jpg|thumb|"Notsow"]]
In the original artwork, Chris managed to misspell his backwards-named nemesis's middle name. After what must have been nearly 9,000 hours in MS Paint, "Notsow" was hamfistedly altered to "Notsew." Then the page was even more hamfistedly omitted from the [[CWCipedia]], probably because it is so sexually charged that it might turn Chris into a [[homos|homo]] if he even glances at it. Either that, or he's retarded and didn't check to see that he double-posted page 31.

===Synopsis===
Continuing from Episode 13's cliffhanger, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] gloats over her imprisonment of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] in the dark mirror. [[Patti-Chan]] and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] arrive to steal the Mirror away from Walsh. Distracted, Walsh is easily defeated by [[Sailor Megtune]], and is forced to retreat.

The heroes return to Christian's mayoral office, where Christian and Magi-Chan work on ways to retrieve Crystal from the mirror. While they wait for [[da update]], they begin to discuss irrelevant subjects. Bubbles and Angelica segue within the space of a sentence from grave concern over Crystal to discussing [[Bionic]]'s great basketball skills.

Meanwhile, Megagi is forced to act as a mouthpiece for Chris and goes on a verbose, [[Chris and Writing|unprompted]] spiel about how [[Chris|"some men"]] are justified in hating the entire male population. Patti remarks that Chris "was" this way, but since Megan came into the picture he's been "kind and sweet at heart". Chris was drawing graphic pornography of Megan around the time of this issue. In a rare moment of reader pathos, Punchy blatantly accuses Patti of being biased towards Chris. Patti attempts to counter this by saying she loves Chris, which for some reason chastises Punchy.

Chris then literally screams at everyone to be quiet, and Magi-Chan announces that the only hope to save Crystal are the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], of which they only currently possess one. However, the attractive properties of the balls cause Magi-Chan to realize that [[Darkbind]] has two [[Tomgirl|hidden balls]] with him. He also mentions that the Chaos Emeralds will have a similar effect, which is presumable given that the Sonichu Balls are carbon copies of them. Conveniently for the reader, Darkbind in an internal monologue explains precisely why he needs the seven Balls; his [[gal-pal]] [[Zelina]] was cursed with a sleep from which she cannot wake.

Conveniently enough, a fourth Ball is revealed when [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] and a mysterious [[heterochromia|heterochromic]] green Sonichu commit a daring daylight robbery of the Kay Jewelers store in the CWCville Mall, a mere floor below the protagonists. Somehow, the villains have learned of the Sonichu Ball's presence there and have stolen it as part of a larger scheme of world domination. Why a Pokéball was being sold at a jewelers is not addressed.

Chris, Magi-Chan and Sonichu have soon teleported to the scene, but the combined power of the evil Sonichus is too great. The green Sonichu envelops Chris in a dark dimension, and explains that he is [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog form of [[Naitsirhc]] Giovanni. When Chris was briefly submerged in the Dark Mirror Hole, this caused a Dark Sonichu Medallion to be created, awakening sleeping evil powers within Naitsirhc, such as the ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Now realized as the evil, opposite counterpart to Chris, he has dubbed himself as [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

When Reldnahc reverts to human form, the reader sees that he has become an inverse of Chris - heterochromia of two colours Chris evidently believes oppose his own on the color wheel (they don't), torn jeans and a green harness which Chris evidently believes is indicative of being a homo. His skin and hair are identical to Chris's own, which isn't saying much given that Chris only has about three Crayolas to choose from in the skin and hair color department. Despite being trapped in a nightmarish lightless prison, Chris dedicates an entire page to how horrified he is, not by the situation he's in, but at the sight of Reldnahc's semi-exposed chest.

Meanwhile, a mere two metres above (but evidently too far away to help), Magi-Chan and Sonichu rather informally demand an explanation from Black Sonichu, who explains that Naitsirhc has become far more evil and ruthless since his transformation (the reader has no context for this). He (Naitsirhc) has completely abandoned his adoptive father [[Giovanni]], and while Black Sonichu has followed him out of loyalty, Naitsirhc has tormented him constantly in return, tyranically going so far as putting whipped cream in his rocket shoes.

Suddenly everybody's best friend, Black Sonichu asks his former enemies about the "lucious" Bubbles, having presumably developed romantic feelings for her while she was attempting to beat him to death a few issues prior.

Back on the first floor, Christian and Reldnahc, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and Reldnahc Ha-Taque, begin a pitched battle, racing across [[CWCville]] at high speeds, proving to be evenly matched. Christian, as ever, attempts to fight dirty, but his kick to Reldnahc's groin is thwarted by the homo undergarments Reldnahc is wearing.

Reldnahc finally gains the upper hand, blasting Chris into the gym of [[Manchester High School]], incapacitating him. But before Reldnahc can deliver the final blow using his Sonichu Ball, a basketball strikes Reldnahc, causing his head to hit the bleachers, knocking him out. Christian awakes and is told that [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved him from certain doom, and that Reldnahc, who possesses incredible supernatural powers, has sustained a brain injury from bumping his head on a bleacher and is now consequently in a coma.

Bionic gives Chris the Sonichu Ball Reldnahc had stolen, and (shattering the fourth wall yet again) asks him to provide him with a fictional girlfriend, just as Chris created Rosechu to be Sonichu's personal semen receptacle. Too lazy to do even that, Chris tells Bionic to hook up with one of Megan's characters.

Christian then launches into an advertisement for his homemade DVD "[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]]". He gives a long and tedious sales pitch, despite the fact that he has no intention of making it available outside of his own circle of acquaintances.

A mere ten weeks into his basketball-induced coma, presumably after several of the events in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Reldnahc awakens in the hospital, with a white-hot hatred for Bionic...

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
"Bionic Over Autism", a drawing Chris shat out on February 24, 1999.

===Back Cover Ad===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' gets a final run. It'll be replaced by an ad for ''CWC's [[Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_Adult_Chronicles|Adult Chronicles]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]''.

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 6
|<gallery perrow="5">
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Image:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Back Cover
</gallery>}}</center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Reldnahc]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Financhu Crisis

2016-09-14T13:37:20Z

Res:

The '''Financhu Crisis''' is a term coined by users from Kiwi Farms to describe the steep decline in the Chandler family's financial management beginning in early 2016.

There is a sharp increase in begging videos and Facebook posts from Chris and Barb. Their financial woes are caused by their own behaviors; during this time, Chris purchased over $1,000 worth of toys, even though both Chris and Barb had court cases pending which involved, respectively, pepper-spraying an innocent Gamestop employee and failing to pay a debt to Discover Bank.

Prior to the Financhu Crisis, Chris would solicit donations for his Etsy shop, while offering poorly made Sonichu crafts in exchange. As the Crisis set in, however, Chris no longer offered anything in exchange, resorting to straight begging.

Chris has not attempted to get a job.

===March===
*1st - Chris buys a PS4, worth $540, from Fingerhut (using a credit card)<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
*16th - Barb is found guilty in a debt case involving Discover Bank. The judgement states that she owes $4,706.93<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/barb-sued-by-discover-bank.18379/page-28#post-1324090</ref>.
*19th - Chris spends $425 on a single Lego set<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/</ref>.

===April===
*12th - [[Please, Donate|Chris begs]]. This video is notable for being the first video devoted to asking for money.
*24th - [[Donation Request|Chris begs]] again, this time without offering crafts in exchange.

===May===
*4th - The donations listing on Chris's Etsy shop is removed, presumably for violating TOS<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-29-chris-is-excited-about-ratchet-clank-totes-swag.20150/page-10#post-1434759</ref>.
*9th - Chris spends $60 on his [[waifu|waifu]].
*23rd - [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|Chris begs]] for bananas. He also [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announces]] the debut of a Support button on his Youtube channel to replace the Etsy listing.
*25th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal|in a Facebook post]] while reminding readers that Etsy removed his donation listing and that he has a Support button on Youtube instead.
*26th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Uncharted video and donations|on Facebook]], links to his game stream of Uncharted and repeats his statements from the 25th.
*28th - Chris spends nearly $100 on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.
*29th - Chris spends another $30 on his waifu<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-8#post-1498444</ref>.
*31st - Chris spends $150 more on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496692</ref>.

===June===
*8th - Chris's Etsy shop is closed<ref>[[Etsy#Shop Closure]]</ref>, presumably for failing to send orders.
*11th - [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he announces that his shop is closed. Starting from this video, Chris adds his begging to the video descriptions.
*14th - Chris begs to have $100 for Barb's asthma medicine, in [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|two]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] which feature Barb.
*17th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1|Chris begs]] to have $200 for an electric bill, while reading a fanfic called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness".
*19th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2|Chris begs]], again saying he wants $200 for an electric bill, and also wanting food money, while reading another chapter of Bluebird.
*19th - Chris wants to become a [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitute]], in an attempt to get both money and china.
*26th - Chris begs his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help, while simultaneously insulting him for "pissing and burning" the money he earns from working as a movie critic on apartment rent<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts#O brother, where art thou?]]</ref>.
*29th - [[Announcement 06292016|Chris begs]], saying that even though he got donations, he wants more because "we could still do better," before reading the third chapter of Bluebird.

===July===
*1st - Chris pays his $541 court costs for pepper-spraying a Gamestop employee in 2014<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/7-1-chris-paid-his-court-costs.22142/</ref>.
*8th - [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|Chris begs]] while reading chapter four of Bluebird.
*9th - [[Announcement 20160709|Chris begs]] in a long rant, saying he is stressed from dealing with finances. He mentions a mortgage among the bills. He wants food money for himself, Barb and their pets.
*10th-11th - [[HELP, PLEASE!!!|Chris begs]] in a series of four videos, wanting $20 or $50. He demeans himself on camera to get people to donate. Finally, he thanks people for sending the "minimum $20" before begging to have money for Barb's teeth.
*13th - [[Donations Further Requested, Please|Barb begs]] to have money for her dental work.
*13th - Chris finally decides to sell some of his toys to raise money. He lists one Pokemon card on eBay for $50.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Chris Offers a Pokemon Card for Sale]]</ref>
*14th - Chris lists two more Pokemon cards on eBay, for $100 each.
*15th - Chris begs for food money in a [[July 2016 Facebook posts#"I'm not on drugs!"|Facebook post]], complaining that people aren't willing to donate anymore.
*18th - [[Update 20160718|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he reads an anniversary dedication, while expecting to be paid $50 for it.
*18th - One of the $100 Pokemon cards Chris listed on eBay is sold<ref>http://offer.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBidsLogin&item=282101638696</ref>.
*20th-22nd - Chris produces [[Paid Video Requests|eight videos]] to earn money from his fanbase.
*23rd - Chris returns to begging [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|on Facebook]]. He also announces that "this window is for Donations Only. No video requests until further notice," after his Youtube account receives its second strike against it for violating policy on "nudity or sexual content" after [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|a video]] he uploaded on the 22nd got reported. He also begs to a Kiwi Farms user named crayolasword who asks him about the situation.
<center><gallery>
File:Cwc-crayolasword-stitched.png
</gallery></center>
*24th - Chris announces [[July 2016 Facebook posts#I have grown a labia!|on Facebook]] that he has grown a labia using subliminal frequencies found on Youtube. He also requests donations for gender reassignment.
*26th - Three days after being barred from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account, Chris circumvents the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]], restarting the Paid Video Requests program and accepting offers for $10-$50.
*28th - Chris makes one sale on the video program.

===August===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb capitalone.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>
*4th - Barb is sued by yet another bank. The hearing will take place on September 14th.
*5th - Chris pays $121 in court costs and fines for failing to acquire proper certifications for his dogs.
*5th - Chris begs for donations in [[August 2016 Facebook posts#House Cleaning|a Facebook post]] and asks for tubes of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Oestrogel]] to be sent to him.
*9th - Chris relists the Birthday Pikachu card on eBay for $500 and begs people to "Buy It Now and help me and my family."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]]</ref> He also offers a VHS tape of Aladdin for $3,000.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/282128626463</ref>
*11th - Chris begs [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help again, this time by saying, "Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts|Get off your ass, Cole!]]</ref>
*31st - Chris begs his audience [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|on Facebook]] to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

===September===
*12th - Chris is spotted and photographed at a Toys "Я" Us buying two tins of Pokemon Cards, two days before his mother goes to court.

==Sources==
<references/>
[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

Financhu Crisis

2016-09-06T07:52:03Z

Res:

The '''Financhu Crisis''' is a term coined by users from Kiwi Farms to describe the steep decline in the Chandler family's financial management beginning in early 2016.

There is a sharp increase in begging videos and Facebook posts from Chris and Barb. Their financial woes are caused by their own behaviors; during this time, Chris purchased over $1,000 worth of toys, even though both Chris and Barb had court cases pending which involved, respectively, pepper-spraying an innocent Gamestop employee and failing to pay a debt to Discover Bank.

Prior to the Financhu Crisis, Chris would solicit donations for his Etsy shop, while offering poorly made Sonichu crafts in exchange. As the Crisis set in, however, Chris no longer offered anything in exchange, resorting to straight begging.

Chris has not attempted to get a job.

March:
*1st - Chris buys a PS4, worth $540, from Fingerhut (using a credit card)<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
*16th - Barb is found guilty in a debt case involving Discover Bank. The judgement states that she owes $4,706.93<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/barb-sued-by-discover-bank.18379/page-28#post-1324090</ref>.
*19th - Chris spends $425 on a single Lego set<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/</ref>.

April:
*12th - [[Please, Donate|Chris begs]]. This video is notable for being the first video devoted to asking for money.
*24th - [[Donation Request|Chris begs]] again, this time without offering crafts in exchange.

May:
*4th - The donations listing on Chris's Etsy shop is removed, presumably for violating TOS<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-29-chris-is-excited-about-ratchet-clank-totes-swag.20150/page-10#post-1434759</ref>.
*9th - Chris spends $60 on his [[waifu|waifu]].
*23rd - [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|Chris begs]] for bananas. He also [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announces]] the debut of a Support button on his Youtube channel to replace the Etsy listing.
*25th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal|in a Facebook post]] while reminding readers that Etsy removed his donation listing and that he has a Support button on Youtube instead.
*26th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Uncharted video and donations|on Facebook]], links to his game stream of Uncharted and repeats his statements from the 25th.
*28th - Chris spends nearly $100 on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.
*29th - Chris spends another $30 on his waifu<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-8#post-1498444</ref>.
*31st - Chris spends $150 more on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496692</ref>.

June:
*8th - Chris's Etsy shop is closed<ref>[[Etsy#Shop Closure]]</ref>, presumably for failing to send orders.
*11th - [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he announces that his shop is closed. Starting from this video, Chris adds his begging to the video descriptions.
*14th - Chris begs to have $100 for Barb's asthma medicine, in [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|two]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] which feature Barb.
*17th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1|Chris begs]] to have $200 for an electric bill, while reading a fanfic called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness".
*19th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2|Chris begs]], again saying he wants $200 for an electric bill, and also wanting food money, while reading another chapter of Bluebird.
*19th - Chris wants to become a [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitute]], in an attempt to get both money and china.
*26th - Chris begs his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help, while simultaneously insulting him for "pissing and burning" the money he earns from working as a movie critic on apartment rent<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts#O brother, where art thou?]]</ref>.
*29th - [[Announcement 06292016|Chris begs]], saying that even though he got donations, he wants more because "we could still do better," before reading the third chapter of Bluebird.

July:
*1st - Chris pays his $541 court costs for pepper-spraying a Gamestop employee in 2014<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/7-1-chris-paid-his-court-costs.22142/</ref>.
*8th - [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|Chris begs]] while reading chapter four of Bluebird.
*9th - [[Announcement 20160709|Chris begs]] in a long rant, saying he is stressed from dealing with finances. He mentions a mortgage among the bills. He wants food money for himself, Barb and their pets.
*10th-11th - [[HELP, PLEASE!!!|Chris begs]] in a series of four videos, wanting $20 or $50. He demeans himself on camera to get people to donate. Finally, he thanks people for sending the "minimum $20" before begging to have money for Barb's teeth.
*13th - [[Donations Further Requested, Please|Barb begs]] to have money for her dental work.
*13th - Chris finally decides to sell some of his toys to raise money. He lists one Pokemon card on eBay for $50.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Chris Offers a Pokemon Card for Sale]]</ref>
*14th - Chris lists two more Pokemon cards on eBay, for $100 each.
*15th - Chris begs for food money in a [[July 2016 Facebook posts#"I'm not on drugs!"|Facebook post]], complaining that people aren't willing to donate anymore.
*18th - [[Update 20160718|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he reads an anniversary dedication, while expecting to be paid $50 for it.
*18th - One of the $100 Pokemon cards Chris listed on eBay is sold<ref>http://offer.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBidsLogin&item=282101638696</ref>.
*20th-22nd - Chris produces [[Paid Video Requests|eight videos]] to earn money from his fanbase.
*23rd - Chris returns to begging [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|on Facebook]]. He also announces that "this window is for Donations Only. No video requests until further notice," after his Youtube account receives its second strike against it for violating policy on "nudity or sexual content" after [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|a video]] he uploaded on the 22nd got reported. He also begs to a Kiwi Farms user named crayolasword who asks him about the situation.
<center><gallery>
File:Cwc-crayolasword-stitched.png
</gallery></center>
*24th - Chris announces [[July 2016 Facebook posts#I have grown a labia!|on Facebook]] that he has grown a labia using subliminal frequencies found on Youtube. He also requests donations for gender reassignment.
*26th - Three days after being barred from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account, Chris circumvents the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]], restarting the Paid Video Requests program and accepting offers for $10-$50.
*28th - Chris makes one sale on the video program.

August:
<center><gallery>
File:Barb capitalone.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>
*4th - Barb is sued by yet another bank. The hearing will take place on September 14th.
*5th - Chris pays $121 in court costs and fines for failing to acquire proper certifications for his dogs.
*5th - Chris begs for donations in [[August 2016 Facebook posts#House Cleaning|a Facebook post]] and asks for tubes of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Oestrogel]] to be sent to him.
*9th - Chris relists the Birthday Pikachu card on eBay for $500 and begs people to "Buy It Now and help me and my family."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]]</ref> He also offers a VHS tape of Aladdin for $3,000.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/282128626463</ref>
*11th - Chris begs [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help again, this time by saying, "Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts|Get off your ass, Cole!]]</ref>
*31st - Chris begs his audience [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|on Facebook]] to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

==Sources==
<references/>
[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

Sonichu (character)

2016-09-03T04:53:11Z

Res:

::''This page is about the character. For the comic, see [[Sonichu (comic)]]. For other uses, see [[Sonichu (disambiguation)]]''
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Quote|Do not fear, world, for I am a new [[Pokémon|pokemon]]. And my name is....Sonichu!|Sonichu, the [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]}}

{{quote|Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.|Chris, "Sonichu" [[CWCipedia]] article}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:SonichuOriginal.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 17 March [[Sonichu chronology#1988|1988]] (in universe)
17 March [[2000]] (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 5'4" (163 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] or [[Pikachu]]
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]
|-
|}
'''Sonichu''' (born 17 March 1988<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on [[CWCipedia]]</ref>) is the magnum opus of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. He is a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon|Pikachu]] and is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and ''"zaps to the extreme!"''

Sonichu's species, [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], evolves from a [[Sonee]], and can evolve into either [[Metonic]] or [[Ultra Sonichu]]. (Even though the original Sonichu mutated from Pikachu, which just makes the ''Sonichu'' [[comic]] even more convoluted.) Sonichu is only nominally the hero of the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic series]], as he was swiftly pushed aside for [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] as soon as the comic became an allegory for real-life situations.

==Creation and development==

[[Image:TheFirstSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing of Sonichu, circa [[2000]], from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon [[cards]]<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>]]
[[Image:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|thumb|The CD cover in question, [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth]]</ref>]]

Chris revealed on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Sonichu's Birth|Wikipedia page]] that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class. In March [[2000]], Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being a ridiculously simple project, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. It seemed as if Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

{{quote|Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of Bionic, I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. 

After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D|Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation (CWCipedia)]</ref>}}

Thus, an [[Internet]] legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]] five months later, in August [[2000]]. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokémon cards and other various sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in [[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The comic was completed and released in [[2005]], five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out...).

Sonichu's character design has changed little since Chris' first ill-inspired scrawling. Due to [[Megan]]'s influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet [[china]]), ''Sonichu'' took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for over a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the [[Chris and art|drawing skills of a six-year-old]].

==Fictional character biography==

{{quote|Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.|Sonichu's background, ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2}}

What would later become known as "Sonichu" hatched as a [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] on 17 March 1988,<ref name="Son cwcipedia" /> which interestingly enough is also the exact birth date of Chris's cherished dog [[Patti]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti Eulogy for Patti (CWCipedia)]</ref> It would eventually evolve into a [[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]] on 26 February 1994.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />

{{quote|A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]] once or twice. WILD.|Chris, [[CWCipedia]]}}

[[Image:Sonichu and Rosechu Making Out.jpg|thumb|Awww]]

Our hero's story began as the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] lay siege to the town of [[Station Square]]. [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] attempted to defeat the creature using the six [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. In the midst of this epic battle, Sonic bumped into a Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic (Sonic himself was unchanged). After assisting with the defeat of the Perfect Chaos Monster, the ex-Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of Pokémon: Sonichu.

After his transformation, he ran back to his parents' nest, where he found that they had been caught by Pokémon trainers. Showing the same [[Chris and death|callousness]] his creator does after a great loss, Sonichu made no attempt to find them, nor did he never mention them again. He went on to refer to [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Chris]] as his father.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu (CWCipedia)]</ref>

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering [[Rosechu]] in the woods, he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, [[Kel]] and thus stalked Rosechu back to her and Kel's cabin, whereupon he introduced himself to them. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from [[Naitsirhc]] at [[CWCville Mall]], Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. [[CWCville]]'s Mayor, [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his [[Love Quest]].

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father, [[Giovanni]], and [[Doctor Robotnik]] used to create [[Black Sonichu]]. Black Sonichu (unironically dubbed Blachu) was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and [[Metal Sonichu]] to rescue Rosechu, who later met [[Amy Rose]].

One day while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious [[Cherokian]] chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], which revealed that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretold of the release of an [[Count Graduon|ancient evil]]. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], transforming him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], the reincarnation of the head of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. [[Saramah Rosechu]], the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]].

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokémon born from eggs dropped by the Chaotic Rainbow. Sonichu led this newly formed [[Chaotic Combo]] into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

While Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall, Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform into [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] with his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|twin sister]]. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and [[Magi-Chan]] accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] from [[1990s#1996|1996]]. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

The next day, after hours of vigorous sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website [[4-cent_garbage.com]] spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis -- pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-cent_garbage.com building to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing.

After Chris's return from the Time Void, Sonichu returned to his role as second fiddle to Chris, doing the latter's bidding as [[Ultra Sonichu]] with some godlike powers of his own.

When forces of evil attacked CWCville, Sonichu took time out from [[Chris and anger|raging]] at [[homos]] and [[Women's rights|objectifying his wife]] in order to defend the city. When granted the opportunity to finish the primary villain once and for all, Sonichu released her in order to allow his father to grab all the glory of defeating her (and thus putting the city in further danger).

Later, after [[Collosal Chan]]'s crimes against humanity, Sonichu served as "plaintif"[sic]/witness in the mock trial of the [[Asperpedia]] Four. After the predetermined verdict, Sonichu took part in Evan's brutal execution.

Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's [[duck]].

==Characteristics and personal life==

[[Image:Original-chrischan-rosechu-trap.jpg|thumb|MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!]]

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing and chillin'. He enjoys outdoor activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a ''Sonichu'' cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.<ref>[[Mumble 6#Chris is Stressed.2C Moving On|Mumble 6]]</ref>
He is deeply in love with his [[sweet-bolt]], Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at [[14 Branchland Court|14 Brunchville Lane]], CWCville, [[Chris's_homes|Virginia]], [[Chris's birthday|02024-1982]]. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or [[Sonichu 8|vomits profusely]]. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|abusive behind closed doors]].

[[Image:Lolmarriage.png|thumb|left|"Chris almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of [[Reeb]] and watch TV, woman?"]]

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal [[Chris and religion|sin]], Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today (CWCipedia)]</ref> (a possible [[retcon]] by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves ''over'' their wedding rings and keeping their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|three children]] — Cerah (potentially named after [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Sarah Jackson]], [[PandaHalo]] or [[Sarah May]]; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]], or the not-so-retarded [[Bob Chandler|hero]] of the Chandler household), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the [[Wikipedia:Flowers_in_the_Attic|attic like so many flowers]]. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as [[Wild Sonichu]] could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the ''Sonichu'' series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When [[Giovanni]] asked Sonichu to declare [[Reldnahc]] the new Mayor of CWCville in exchange for Rosechu's life, he chose to defend Christian's mayoral throne without hesitation.<ref name="SchuComic9P82.jpg">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg Image:SchuComic9P82.jpg (CWCipedia)]</ref> Like father, like son.

Chris has revealed that Sonichu's son, [[Robbie Sonee]], is a Tomgirl.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref> As of 25 August 2014, Sonichu is still 100% straight.<ref name="Kryptonite">[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Sonichu's kryptonite]]</ref>

==Sexual prowess==

Sonichu's luck with the ladies apparently predates his transformation into an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, as his [[CWCipedia]] biography notes that when he was still a Pikachu he made out with a Jigglypuff.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />. Also, in [[Sonichu 8]], [[Jiggliami]] says she used to have a Pikachu boyfriend. This raises some very disturbing implications, as the CWCipedia article also gives 1988 as the year of his birth and 1998 as the year in which he became Sonichu, meaning he could have not been [[Pedofork|older than 10 years]] at the time of said liaison.

Chris has provided very intense details about Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology Biology (CWCipedia)]</ref>
 When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily seven inches (18 cm) long, and often ruptures the [[raincoat|condoms]] he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu.<ref name="SchuComic9P82.jpg"/>

==Powers, abilities and weaknesses==

[[Image:SonichuStats.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.]]

Aside from the obvious super-speed and body-spinning powers transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. Some of his special attacks include:

* '''Sky Uppercut''': Jumping punch to the head from below, presumably similar in fashion to the [http://streetfighter.wikia.com/wiki/Shoryuken ''Shoryuken''] from the ''Street Fighter'' games.
* '''Mega Kick''': A martial arts-style kick, sometimes done in midair.
* '''Double Team''': The attacker quickly creates multiple false duplacates or themselves, disguising the real one temporarily and allowing them an opportunity to attack whilst the target is confused.
* '''Spin Dash''': Attacker curls into a ball and spins on the spot, before releasing and hurtling directly into the victim in a high-speed rolling attack. In the original games where this move came from, it was capable of breaking barriers, but this has yet to be seen in the comics.
* '''Zap Cannonball''': Attacker creates a ball of pure electrical energy in their hands, before thrusting their palms forward to fire it at the victim, in a similar fashion to the [http://streetfighter.wikia.com/wiki/Hadoken ''Hadouken''] from the ''Street Fighter'' games, or the [http://megaman.wikia.com/wiki/Thunder_Bolt ''Thunder Strike''] from ''[[Wikipedia:Mega Man 7|Mega Man 7]]''.
* '''Iron Tail''': Attacker swings his tail at the victim to hit them in a slapping attack.
* '''Mud Slap''': Attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes to lower their accuracy.
* '''Thunderbolt''': Attacker charges up electrical power in body, before releasing it at the victim in the form of a long-ranged bolt of electricity.
* '''Thunder''': Attacker charges up electrical power, and uses it to summon lighting bolts down to the victim whilst simultaneously firing off electricity for a powerful lightning attack.

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and [[Blake]] are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually ''slower'' than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 km/h (124 mph), much slower than Sonic, who can apparently hit Mach 1 (1,225 km/h / 761 mph) unassisted (so far, the best Sega has been able to show in-game is around 300 mph (483 km/h) in [[Wikipedia:Sonic Unleashed|''Sonic Unleashed'']]). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 rpm, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze. (However, in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #2 Chris claimed that Sonichu can go faster than the speed of sound.)

Sonichu has a literally paralyzing allergy to [[pickles]], and eating too much of them can make him swell like a balloon.<ref name="Kryptonite" />

==Sonichu as a Mary Sue==
[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|Sonichu is as straight as Chris.]]

Aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, one of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew [[trolls]] to Chris is that Sonichu is a [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]]. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is agile, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls during the battle with [[4-cent_garbage.com]]. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Sonic VS Sonichu- the battle nobody wanted to see explodes onto your computer screens!
Image:067-SonichuStats.jpg|More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Image:069-SchuGlasses.jpg|Even Sonichu wears [[Pedo-Glasses]]!
Image:070-SchuVsBchu.jpg|SONICHU VS. [[Blake|NIGRACHU]] FIGHT!
Image:072-SchuRchuDisco.jpg|Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too [[tobacky|smokey]] and [[alcohol|drunky]] for his tastes.
Image:073-SchuRchuCmas.jpg|Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Image:111-CWCSchuRchu.jpg|Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] or an unfortunate licensed [[raincoat|condoms]] with album art on them.
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Image:112-NDSonichu2.jpg|Even for your DS!
Image:117-CWCSonichuLeer.jpg|Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, [[Evan]]. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
Image:161-ACSchu1.jpg
Image:162-ACSchu1Bck.jpg
Image:167-SchuCard1.jpg
Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Image:169-CWCsSchu1.jpg
Image:170-DarkSchu.jpg
Image:171-SurfingSchu.jpg
Image:172-SnowSchu.jpg
Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg
Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg
Image:175-SchuBday.jpg
Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg
Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg
Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg
Image:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg
Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg
Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg
Image:182-SchuCard6.jpg
Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg
Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg
Image:187-ACSchu2.jpg
Image:188-ACSchu2Bck.jpg
Image:189-YuSchu.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh!
Image:195-SchuSteLgoIdea3.jpg|A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|<s>Freddy Mercury</s> Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|And his GBA
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Image:206-SonichuPose.jpg|Very intimidating...
Image:228-SchuGrafiti.JPG|Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu with Rosechu, in [[Pixelblocks]] form.
Image:snowchu.gif|Nothing is safe.
Image:0510-CWCNote9.jpg|DVD notes
Image:ECP 00077.jpg|They've fused!
Image:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|In ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:LBPSonichu.jpg|In [[LittleBigPlanet]]
File:FlipnoteSonichu.png|In [[Flipnote Hatena]]
File:Lego Sonichu.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sonichu. It's completely filthy because it's the one he plays with the most.
File:Zapping boom 1.JPG|"Sonichu's Zapping Boom," a [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing|drawing]] Chris made in 2014 and sold on [[eBay]].
File:Amiibo4.JPG|Homemade Sonichu [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu}}
{{Fan art|chris=Sonichu_fan_art|linkname=Sonichu}}
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Sonichu (disambiguation)|All other uses of that damn "Sonichu" word]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
*[[Medallions of Fail]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

Flame the Sunbird

2016-09-02T15:56:52Z

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[[Image:071-Flame.jpg|right|thumb||Flame or Kazooie? YOU DECIDE!]]
[[File:Fire island.jpg|right|thumb|Flame's home on Rainbow Island.]]
{{quote|Flame is the Sunbird protector of the Master Sunstone on the mysterious Rainbow Island. He can fly sky-high, and the sun does not bother him at all.|[[:Image:284-ACFlameBck.jpg|Flame the Sunbird Animal Crossing card]]}}

'''Flame the Sunbird''' is a large red male sunbird who lives on an island and is tasked with the protection of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]].

Flame is a [[Things Chris has ripped off|blatant ripoff]] of [[wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie_(series)#Characters|Kazooie]] from the ''Banjo-Kazooie'' series (whom Chris doesn't seem to realise is female), and possibly also [http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Bean_the_Dynamite Bean the Dynamite] from the arcade game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]''. His job, meanwhile, is stolen from Knuckles the Echidna. Chris has stated that ''"Flame was NEVER taken from Kazooie; if anything, he is MORE similar to Knuckles, but with a Sunbird Form."''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref>

{{quote|I could use some pants.|Flame, [[Random Access Humor|randomly]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] a line from ''[[Wikipedia:Pokémon: The Movie 2000|Pokémon: The Movie 2000]]''}}
==Comic appearances==
===''Sonichu'' #3===
Flame's role is to look after the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]]; however, it is stolen by [[Blake]] acting under the orders of [[Giovanni]]. Consider that his entire purpose in life is to protect an immensely powerful jewel, only to have it stolen by some ripoff of a ripoff in an eyeblink ''mere seconds after being introduced.'' It is later returned to its correct place when the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] defeat Blake. There is no indication that security on the Sunstone has been strengthened since, despite its enormous power and the ease with which Blake stole it.

===''Sonichu'' #8===

Flame also appears in the Episode 18 Prologue. When the Chaotic Combo are celebrating their nineteenth birthday, Flame is in attendance. He has not been seen since, even in the massive [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] everybody-shows-up-again brawl.

==A Pokémon?==
[[Image:SchuDrillPeck.jpg|right|thumb||Flame, who is '''not''' a Pokémon, using the Pokémon attack Drill Peck.]]
In his introduction, Flame explicitly states that he is not a [[Pokémon]], nor is he even related to one. A few pages later, he uses the Pokémon move Drill Peck when chasing Blake as he escapes on his hoverboard. Naturally, [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|no explanation]] is given.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:283-ACFlame.jpg
Image:284-ACFlameBck.jpg
Image:285-YuFlame.jpg
</gallery></center>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Angelica

2016-09-02T15:51:19Z

Res:

{{quote|Angelica is a religious type; she feels peace and tranquility often from the presence of [[God and Jesus]] and her healthy life in general.|Chris, describing the [[Reginald Sneasel|Sneasel]]-fucking whore in [[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff|Mailbag 7]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Angelica.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Angelica Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology|2 February 1989]] (in universe)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Angelica on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Angelica was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'10 (91 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 90 lbs (41 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Nuns
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Flying
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosee]] (when happy with Soothe Bell<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Out-of-battle_effect_item]</ref>)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Angelica.jpg|thumb|Angelica in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Angelica''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]]. She is a Flying/Electric type. Despite the fact that she was hatched in [[2004]], [[Chris]] insists that she is over 18 so that he is not considered a [[pedofork]] for his pictures of Angelica [[mass debating]].

Angelica was brought up in a strict Catholic convent, with nuns being the only family she ever knew. Her painfully bleak upbringing clashes with her apparently insatiable sexual appetites. The fierce repression of her youth, in the cold surroundings of the brutal convent, led to her later rebellion which tragically took the form of her indoctrination into the [[Chaotic Combo]]. She went from diligently worshiping [[Jesus]] to being nothing but a masturbatory aid for her [[Chris|demented creator]], another lobotomized beast rattling around in the bird-cage of Chris's mind.

Like other Rosechus, she has [[Chris and writing|no discernible personality whatsoever]], aside from a verbal tic ("Lord") that Chris claims is indicative of a pious Catholic personality. Chris calls Angelica a "peacemaker", which is curious because the folks of [[CWCville]] normally don't end up in any kind of quarrels; when they ''do'', Angelica is seemingly powerless to prevent it or offer any other form of assistance.

Angelica is the only prominent Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never to have had a tail ([[Punchy|Punchy's]] was torn off). The reason for this is yet to be revealed.

She is a combination of three characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Wikipedia:Angel|Angels]]

==Major Comic Appearances==
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===
Angelica's egg came into the possession of a group of nuns, who nurtured the egg until its hatching, revealing a small, white, winged [[Rosey]]. After learning how to fly under the watch of nuns, she evolved one night in her sleep, which Chris commemorated by breaking into her house and leaving her some shoes and a scrunchie.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Angelica meets the [[Chaotic Combo]] moments after planting a flower garden and viewing it from above, when all of a sudden, [[Blake]] and [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] come crashing through, shortly followed by the rest of the Chaotic Combo. After a short discussion, Angelica and the gang beat Blake up. It is established that Angelica's main mode of attack and defense is through using her wings rather than any electric powers.

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===

Like the rest of the combo Angelica is summoned into battle by [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] but just like everyone not named Chris, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], or [[Sailor Megtune|Megtune]], she doesn't actually do or say anything the entire issue.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

In this issue, Angelica pretends to be concerned about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's imaginary twin sister]] getting trapped in the mirror one minute, and the next minute she talks about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s great basketball skills. She and [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] think to themselves “What a dreamboat," in a moment of shared demented lust.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_Prologue|Episode 18 Prologue]]===

Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthdays on 2 February 2008.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===

While sunbathing with [[Rosechu]], Angelica makes the mistake of asking Bubbles why she doesn't need sunscreen, and is subjected to a long boring lecture. After Blake shows up and kicks sand at them before being led away by Bubbles, Angelica and Rosechu giggle about Blake's faux-macho attitude. Later, after Bubbles retrieves a [[Sonichu Ball]] from the ocean, she hands it to Angelica, who flies it back to [[Patti-Chan]] who is at the Cwcville Mayoral Office.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)]]===

While absent for most of the episode, Angelica shows up on the last few pages to randomly hook up with [[Reginald Sneasel]] for no reason whatsoever. Apparently she's only attracted to pathetic losers and is a liar or an extremely poor judge of character, calling an obsessive liar who partakes in acts of vandalism "honest" and "sweet".

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC Defense]]===

Angelica is shown waking up in bed with Reginald at her church home, removing all doubt that she's a dirty whore. She's later seen taking down several flying enemies. She precisely forms a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]] around her church, making her supposed devotion to Catholicism even more doubtful.

===[[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

Angelica reads the [[Asperpedia Four]] their "last rights", and is one of the people pushing the buttons on [[Alec]]'s ten-button electric chair. She thinks "may God have mercy".

== [[Love Quest]] ==

Angelica went through the first eight ''Sonichu'' comics not showing any interest in any of the male characters, before finally shacking with [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Episode 19]] after he called her cute. Given that Reginald is basically a Chris stand-in, it's generally assumed by [[trolls]] that Chris would like his relationship to start in a similar manner: a girl throwing herself at him not in spite of the fact that he's pathetic, but because of it.
==[[Rule 34]]==
Chris drew Rule 34 of Angelica, which he uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], hoping that it would encourage [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ''et al.'' to remove his article. Predictably, his plan backfired, resulting in an increased interest in him and his work.

The picture in question was originally included with the caption "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of [[God]]?!!", suggesting that Angelica has a penchant for masturbating in church.<ref>[[:File:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG]]</ref>

Angelica's struggle with sexual sin might be an insight into Chris's own struggle between his Christianity and his sexual desires. While Chris claims to be a Christian, he acts similarly to Angelica, maintaining a veneer of piousness yet living in a prison of [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], masturbation, pornography, and [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|complete submission to his sexuality]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Chris's attempt to show his congregation that these Satanic card games that tempt children these days can have good Christian characters too.
Image:271-Angelica.jpg|The power of prayer... it does nothing to relieve the crapfest.
Image:AngelicaSpreadsEm.jpg|While the nuns are kneeling demurely in devotion, Angelica splays her [[china]] wide open for [[GodJesus]].
File:Lego Angelica.jpg|[[LEGO]] Angelica.
File:Angelica 1.JPG|"Angelic Angelica," original work of art offered for sale on [[eBay]].
File:NewAngelicaA.jpg|Angelica [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Angelica Rosechu}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]][[Category:Rosechus]]

Sonichu 11

2016-09-02T15:02:25Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 39 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever. On 4 [[September 2015]], however, in an unprecedented act of will and determination, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of [[Kick the Autistic|abuse]] at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future. So far, Chris has kept the promise of not including the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]] as a character, restructuring the series to its original intention as an uninspired ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' [[Chris and copyright|homage]].

The glorious resurrection of this comic in September 2015 was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. Money would go towards production of ''Sonichu'' #11, with a single character drawing offered to each person who donates, almost like a poor man's [[Wikipedia:Patreon|Patreon]]. So far, only a few new pages have been added, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, inappropriate portrayals of underage characters, walls of expository text and tone-deaf racism - are present and accounted for.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching saga of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs and their hellish offspring partaking in various boring and tedious Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]], which has the unfortunate effect of making it seem like Christine has been raped or molested. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how [[GodJesus]] will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.

Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]"and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good [[Geinus|mornint]]." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up their chimney like Santa Claus. Outside, he uses his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom (because Chris thinks women spend all their time waiting to be directed by men), Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches TV]] and reminded that Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah, meanwhile, plays ''Call of Duty: World at War'', an eight-year-old video game, with Kevin the Jew. Kevin's character dies and his score is erased (even though ''Call of Duty'' doesn't work that way as a game), and when he complains, Cera chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game, and soon after [[Magi-Chan]] begins chatting to Cerah telepathically about the incident (presumably having been [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nineteen_Eighty-Four monitoring her thoughts]), exploring her feelings for Kevin despite the fact that she's [[Pedofork|supposed to be a toddler]]. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home provided by the city of CWCville, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie, eager for adulation, announces that he feels embarrassed by his professed enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake suddenly remarks furiously that he isn't [[Chris and race|racist]] before [[Chris and Hypocrisy|expressing furious rage]] at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retroactive flashback]] informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was never referenced before. She is reunited with Wild, her (for all intents and purposes identical) daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smart phone and explains very tersely that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion [sic]". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before almost orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for [[Audiobooks|he indeed rocks]]. All their discourse is conducted in English [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennsylvania_Dutch for some reason]. [[Evan]] is unmentioned. Sandy concludes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". The entire segment is, of course, a ham-fisted attempt to remind everyone that Chris rectonned the violent deaths of these men in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'' into an exile into Amish country.

Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina (who may or may not have her own family) off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. A totally unwarranted author's note informs the reader that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids. Meanwhile, up in the mountains for some reason, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange wooden statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan confusingly suggests, [[Chris and Writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]], they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to literally destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo (since all [[Chris and Race|Asians]] celebrate Christmas, apparently), and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (the "table" is the altar of her church, which Chris evidently believes Catholics use as a dining table). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though; perhaps Reginald's constant attempts at relationship sabotage have finally borne fruit, or more likely Chris has lost interest in the characters and they will never be mentioned again.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play (along with Kevin, the practicing Jew). Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve, and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu (since everybody just has a smartphone in this issue) about her clothes being destroyed and the great urgency with which she needs new ones. This once again muddies the waters regarding Sonichus and Rosechus and clothing; Christine is practically hysterical over not having any clothes to wear even though she's covered in fur and many of the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon never wear clothing at all.

Clothing issues notwithstanding, Rosechu finds the now-adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|panties]]" before regaling everyone with a pointless, extremely detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidel cookies as a way of making amends. Kevin calmly explains (inexplicably employing a huge amount of military jargon) how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her. These characters are supposed to be very young children.

Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two whole minutes before deciding they're over it. Note that this is one of few occasions in ''Sonichu'' where an undesirable situation is not resolved in an artifically cheerful way. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their electric car.

==What Can We Anticipate?==

The ultimate content of future episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. For example, ''[[wikipedia:Batman Begins|Batman Begins]]'' was a fresh start with no canonical relation to the [[wikipedia:Batman|comic book source material]] or the [[wikipedia:Batman (film series)|previous film franchise]]. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo (though considering Chris's pathological [[Sonic Boom Protests|revulsion to change]], this isn't likely). It is likely that a "clip show" issue would allow Chris to release an issue by reusing content from the previous ones.

Chris also said that he would refashion ''Sonichu'' into a less [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizing]] and more [[Liquid Chris|authentic]] franchise, and has attempted to do so via retcons and revised artwork; all appearances and mentions of [[Robotnik|Dr. Robotnik]] were replaced by "original" mad scientist Ren Skysoar and [[Sonic]] and [[Amy Rose]] in [[Sonichu 1]] are revealed to be an illusion by [[Silvana Rosechu]]. The clear derivative nature of the series is nonetheless present.

Over the years Chris has dropped a few hints about specific plotlines. At one point he stated, ''"[[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon."''<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> He later elaborated, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on [[the moon]] back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The issue may also move to [[RuleCWC]]: Chris has said that ''"[[Darkbind]] and [[Zelina]] will be fighting [[Clawdorf]] with great sword and bow/arrow battles."''<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>

There may also be a lack of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Great Director intrusion]]: ''"After [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]], I will be making LESS personal appearances in the pages, as having done so was a big mistake, because I had got carried away with the [[Love quest|trials and tribulations]] in my life, [[Man in the Pickle Suit|real]] and [[BlueSpike|online]], that it completely messed me up."''<ref>[[Mailbag 53]]</ref>

The long-awaited continuation of Sonichu 11 in [[September 2015]] has so far involved only the playing-out of the boring Christmas story and the revelation that [[Simonla]] is not dead after all. The comic has an attached [[Etsy]] where donations would apparently go towards production of the comic. As promised, Chris has not appeared or been mentioned in the comic and the focus has been primarily on Sonichu and his family. Alarmingly yet, the comic is about the characters' mundane personal problems and not the high-concept adventure you'd expect from a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' knockoff.

==Hoax conclusion==
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]."

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg
File:SchuComic11P2.jpg
File:SchuComic11P3.jpg
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File:Son11p13.jpg
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File:Son11p39.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Development Images==
On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.

<center><gallery>
File:Son11development1.jpg
File:Son11development2.jpg
File:Son11development3.jpg
File:Son11development4.jpg
File:Son11development5.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>
==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [srtf.deviantart.com/favourites/51290362/Sonichu-11-Alt-Ending/ Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 11

2016-09-02T15:01:04Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Unfinished}}
{{DeadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 39 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}
'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever. On 4 [[September 2015]], however, in an unprecedented act of will and determination, Chris managed to crawl back from his long dark night of [[Kick the Autistic|abuse]] at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future. So far, Chris has kept the promise of not including the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]] as a character, restructuring the series to its original intention as an uninspired ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' [[Chris and copyright|homage]].

The glorious resurrection of this comic in September 2015 was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. Money would go towards production of ''Sonichu'' #11, with a single character drawing offered to each person who donates, almost like a poor man's [[Wikipedia:Patreon|Patreon]]. So far, only a few new pages have been added, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, inappropriate portrayals of underage characters, walls of expository text and tone-deaf racism - are present and accounted for.

==A Sonichu Christmas==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching saga of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs and their hellish offspring partaking in various boring and tedious Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]], which has the unfortunate effect of making it seem like Christine has been raped or molested. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from a [[wikipedia:A Visit from St. Nicholas|holiday classic]]. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55]] (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how [[GodJesus]] will reward the humble and [[Chris and his ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.

Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries, and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]"and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good [[Geinus|mornint]]." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up their chimney like Santa Claus. Outside, he uses his super speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom (because Chris thinks women spend all their time waiting to be directed by men), Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches TV]] and reminded that Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah, meanwhile, plays ''Call of Duty: World at War'', an eight-year-old video game, with Kevin the Jew. Kevin's character dies and his score is erased (even though ''Call of Duty'' doesn't work that way as a game), and when he complains, Cera chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game, and soon after [[Magi-Chan]] begins chatting to Cerah telepathically about the incident (presumably having been [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nineteen_Eighty-Four monitoring her thoughts]), exploring her feelings for Kevin despite the fact that she's [[Pedofork|supposed to be a toddler]]. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home provided by the city of CWCville, they call her a cab to a soup kitchen. Robbie, eager for adulation, announces that he feels embarrassed by his professed enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake suddenly remarks furiously that he isn't [[Chris and race|racist]] before [[Chris and Hypocrisy|expressing furious rage]] at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retroactive flashback]] informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was never referenced before. She is reunited with Wild, her (for all intents and purposes identical) daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smart phone and explains very tersely that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion [sic]". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before almost orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for [[Audiobooks|he indeed rocks]]. All their discourse is conducted in English [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennsylvania_Dutch for some reason]. [[Evan]] is unmentioned. Sandy concludes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". The entire segment is, of course, a ham-fisted attempt to remind everyone that Chris rectonned the violent deaths of these men in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'' into an exile into Amish country.

Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina (who may or may not have her own family) off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. A totally unwarranted author's note informs the reader that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids. Meanwhile, up in the mountains for some reason, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange wooden statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan confusingly suggests, [[Chris and Writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]], they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to literally destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo (since all [[Chris and Race|Asians]] celebrate Christmas, apparently), and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (the "table" is the altar of her church, which Chris evidently believes Catholics use as a dining table). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though; perhaps Reginald's constant attempts at relationship sabotage have finally borne fruit, or more likely Chris has lost interest in the characters and they will never be mentioned again.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play (along with Kevin, the practicing Jew). Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve, and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu (since everybody just has a smartphone in this issue) about her clothes being destroyed and the great urgency with which she needs new ones. This once again muddies the waters regarding Sonichus and Rosechus and clothing; Christine is practically hysterical over not having any clothes to wear even though she's covered in fur and many of the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon never wear clothing at all.

Clothing issues notwithstanding, Rosechu finds the now-adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|panties]]" before regaling everyone with a pointless, incredibly detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidel cookies as a way of making amends. Kevin calmly explains (inexplicably employing a huge amount of military jargon) how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her. These characters are supposed to be very young children.

Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two whole minutes before deciding they're over it. Note that this is one of few occasions in ''Sonichu'' where an undesirable situation is not resolved in an artifically cheerful way. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their electric car.

==What Can We Anticipate?==

The ultimate content of future episodes can only be speculated on; doubtless, it will consist of the first thing that comes to Chris's head whenever he can be bothered to scrawl a few pages. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making it probable that he will make his first appearance since he helped Sonichu rescue Rosechu way back in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This is almost entirely incomprehensible, as a [[Wikipedia:Reboot (fiction)|reboot]] is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. For example, ''[[wikipedia:Batman Begins|Batman Begins]]'' was a fresh start with no canonical relation to the [[wikipedia:Batman|comic book source material]] or the [[wikipedia:Batman (film series)|previous film franchise]]. A [[Wikipedia:Clip show|clip show]], on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these correspond to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more [[Wikipedia:backstory|backstory]], while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo (though considering Chris's pathological [[Sonic Boom Protests|revulsion to change]], this isn't likely). It is likely that a "clip show" issue would allow Chris to release an issue by reusing content from the previous ones.

Chris also said that he would refashion ''Sonichu'' into a less [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizing]] and more [[Liquid Chris|authentic]] franchise, and has attempted to do so via retcons and revised artwork; all appearances and mentions of [[Robotnik|Dr. Robotnik]] were replaced by "original" mad scientist Ren Skysoar and [[Sonic]] and [[Amy Rose]] in [[Sonichu 1]] are revealed to be an illusion by [[Silvana Rosechu]]. The clear derivative nature of the series is nonetheless present.

Over the years Chris has dropped a few hints about specific plotlines. At one point he stated, ''"[[Metal Sonichu|METAL SONICHU]] is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon."''<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> He later elaborated, ''"Count Graduon will be the Major Villain beyond ''[''Sonichu'' #10]'', possessing the [[Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on [[the moon]] back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The issue may also move to [[RuleCWC]]: Chris has said that ''"[[Darkbind]] and [[Zelina]] will be fighting [[Clawdorf]] with great sword and bow/arrow battles."''<ref>[[Mailbag 52]]</ref>

There may also be a lack of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Great Director intrusion]]: ''"After [[Sonichu 10|Book 10]], I will be making LESS personal appearances in the pages, as having done so was a big mistake, because I had got carried away with the [[Love quest|trials and tribulations]] in my life, [[Man in the Pickle Suit|real]] and [[BlueSpike|online]], that it completely messed me up."''<ref>[[Mailbag 53]]</ref>

The long-awaited continuation of Sonichu 11 in [[September 2015]] has so far involved only the playing-out of the boring Christmas story and the revelation that [[Simonla]] is not dead after all. The comic has an attached [[Etsy]] where donations would apparently go towards production of the comic. As promised, Chris has not appeared or been mentioned in the comic and the focus has been primarily on Sonichu and his family. Alarmingly yet, the comic is about the characters' mundane personal problems and not the high-concept adventure you'd expect from a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' knockoff.

==Hoax conclusion==
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]."

Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Special Episode - A Sonichu Christmas
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SchuComic11P1.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

==Development Images==
On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were in fact new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.

<center><gallery>
File:Son11development1.jpg
File:Son11development2.jpg
File:Son11development3.jpg
File:Son11development4.jpg
File:Son11development5.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>
==External links==
* [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3/ 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11]
* [srtf.deviantart.com/favourites/51290362/Sonichu-11-Alt-Ending/ Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

List of Sonichu characters

2016-08-29T06:34:18Z

Res:

The following is a '''list of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' characters''', in order of appearance.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
===Christian Weston Chandler===
{{main|Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris-Chan Sonichu|Collosal Chan|Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan}}

[[File:ColossalChrisChanVSMaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|The heroic Christian Weston Chandler!]]

Chris-chan's alternate self and [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]], who, believe it or not, is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much thinner than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even ''more'' psychotic than Real Chris, having [[4-cent garbage.com|murdered hundreds of people]] in a [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorist]] attack, permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|several]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|others]], [[Gun Comic|blown out people's kneecaps with a handgun]] after they've surrendered, [[Sonichu 0|destroyed]] the home life of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job, carried out a mini-Holocaust on [[homos]]exuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed in brutal and inhumane ways. For making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]]. And all with a gleeful smile on his face. His medallion allows him to don a [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursuit]] when he shouts the phrase ''Electric Hedgehog Power!'', and he can access his [[Collosal Chan|Collosal]] form with the use of the seven [[Sonichu Balls]].

Christian first appeared right on the front cover of [[Issue 0]], ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in [[Issue 2]], which portrayed him as a descendant of the [[Cherokian Clan]] and fulfiller of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Chris has since made himself and his [[love quest]] the [[Chris and his ego|center of attention]] and main focus of the comic in every issue (with a [[Sonichu 8|few exceptions]]).

===Sonichu===
{{main|Sonichu (character)|Ultra Sonichu}}

[[File:I am not Gay.jpg|thumb|left|'I am [[gay|STRAIGHT!]]']]
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolor who is an unholy fusion of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pokémon|a Pikachu]]. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], Christian had taken over as the main character, and by [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris had added [[Chaotic Combo|a new batch of recolors]] who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], despite Chris's return, as he transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]] and helped Chris in his killing spree.

===Rosechu===
{{main|Rosechu|The Incredible Lioness}}

[[Sonichu]]'s worthless, 0-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. [[Women's rights|This is Chris's idea of how women behave]], likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog}}

[[Sega]] mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic. He makes a few appearances in the comic, most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], after Rosechu gets kidnapped. [[Women's rights|Again]].

Sonic also appears on the front cover of [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'

===Perfect Chaos Monster===
[[Image:Perfect Chaos.jpg|thumb|right|Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonic X'' vs Perfect Chaos as he appears in ''Sonichu''. Kinda lost his luster, huh?]]

'''Perfect Chaos''', or [[CWC-isms|"Perfect Chaos Monster"]] as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of [[Station Square]]. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the ''positive'' energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in the [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of his [[Sonichu (comic)|new comic book series]]. The ''Sonichu'' series begins with a male [[Pikachu]] wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an [[Rainbow|unexplained phenomenon]] which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the ''Sonic Adventure'' game so that Sonic is [[Chris and his ego|little more than an assistant to Chris's original character]]). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of ''Sonichu''.

===Trainer Kel===
{{main|Kel}}

[[File:KelHallOfFame.jpg|thumb|left|Wait, when did Kel ever see Rosechu again?]]
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into [[Rosechu]]. Continued to take care of Rosechu until [[Sonichu]] took over as her new pimp. She then disappeared for a long time, but when [[Sean August Watley]] later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became [[Death threats|very upset]]. When Sean was executed in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.

Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparently had came through the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with [[Naitsirhc]] at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu]</ref> This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point-blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non canon.

===David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Wikipedia:Dragonite|Dragonite]] Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]" even for her loose, gaping [[China]], and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will [[Chris and writing#Kudzu plot|never know]].

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0]] (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created [[Simonla|gender-benders]] before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a [[lesbian]] relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

===Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc===
{{main|Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc}}
[[File:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|thumb|100px|You can tell he's gay because he is shirtless. Straight men wear [[Muscle bra|bras]]!]]

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the [[Pokémon]] villain [[Giovanni]], and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When [[Chris]] fell into the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], his [[Medallion]] also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "[[gay|straight]]" twin.

Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after [[Black Sonichu]], which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Christian [[Rape|pins him down]] and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, [[Chris and reality|homosexuality makes you evil]]. He was then sent to [[Kel]].

===Zapdos===
{{main|Pokémon}}

An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.

===Jerkhief===
{{main|Jerkhief}}

[[Image:MyWoodenBadgeWasDelicious.jpg|thumb|left|Chris did once explain what this line meant. It made no more sense afterward than before.]]
Leader of the [[Jerkops]]. The Jerkhief is a massive [[African American]] man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the [[CWCville]] Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!

===Jerkops===
{{main|Jerkops}}
Villainous foot-soldiers of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his [[Love Quest]]. They are supposedly brainwashed [[slow-in-the-minds]] and College students. In spite of this, Christian has [[Chris and death|no qualms in killing them]], and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders (aside from Mary and [[Count Graduon]]) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.

===Metonic===
{{main|Metonic}}

Evolved form of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Vamprosa===
{{main|Vamprosa}}

Evolved form of [[Rosechu]]. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

===Barbara Chandler===
{{main|Barbara Chandler}}

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from [[Naitsirhc]] in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Giovanni===
{{main|Giovanni}}
[[File:SchuGioRetard.jpg|thumb|right|The insidious Giovanni]]
The leader of Team Rocket and villain of the first generation [[Pokémon]] games, Giovanni is determined to capture [[Sonichu]] at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a retard, as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky.

Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaluated his goals, and now seeks to take over [[CWCville]] and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and helped them out during their attack on the city in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.

===Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik===
{{main|Doctor Robotnik}}

[[File:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|left|Even Eggman was never this flamboyant.]]
Recurring villain of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In ''Sonichu'', however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching Pokémon, or why he has any kind of grudge against [[Chris and his ego|Chris of all people]] is a mystery that not even [[GodJesus]] could solve.

Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite, (As seen in ''Sonic Unleashed'') that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. Despite having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.

===Team Rocket===
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures [[Pokémon]] (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in [[CWCville]].

Team Rocket is run by [[Giovanni]] and his retarded homosexual son, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]].

They are also responsible for the creation of [[Blake]].

=== Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist) ===
[[File:Bill1.png|thumb|<s>Bill Nye the Science Guy</s> Dr. Bill Schwartz, the Scientist.]]
One of the most popular characters in Sonichu lore (and totally not a [[Wikipedia:Bill Nye the Science Guy|ripoff]]), Bill Schwartz, PhD, was a genetics researcher for [[Team Rocket]] during the organization's brief alliance with [[Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]]. It was Bill's duty to prepare [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu's]] DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of [[Blake|the clone]] until it took on a black color.

It was for quite some time fanon, that Bill was getting high somewhere on [[the Moon]] together with Chris's other forgotten Sonichu characters, such as the [[Boulder-Dropping Whale]], [[Metal Sonichu]], and [[Yawning Squirtle]], which ended up being the premise for the troll comic, Moon-Pals. Chris, probably angry about the comic portraying Bill as a stoner, declared this depiction of him invalid on [[Twitter]], saying Bill was still in employ of Giovanni, and would be returning in comic. Bill later appears in [[Sonichu 10]], stating that he [[Chris and English|stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days]]. Bill later appears, along with [[Kel]] and [[Allison Amber]], to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

===Black Sonichu/Blachu/Blake===
{{main|Blake}}
[[File:254-BlachuPose.jpg|thumb|left|Doesn't he remind you of [[Shadow the Hedgehog|someone]]?]]

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's [[semen|DNA]], which Naitsirhc obtained in [[fapcup|battle]]. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for [[Giovanni]], and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with [[Bubbles]]. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic [[rape]] at the hands of a [[Silvana Rosechu|trannie]].

He also has his own superform, in the same vein as [[Ultra Sonichu]], named [[Wall of Originals|Silver Blachu]]. It is never seen in the comic, though.

Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu strips, [[Love quest|stalking]] [[Rosechu]].

=== Metal Sonichu ===
The [[Sonichu]] rip-off of Metal Sonic, Metal Sonichu is one of the few characters that even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Despite this, he has [[Alec]]'s derivative character Metal [[Asperchu]] refer to Chris as the "original creator", either implying that Chris wanted to claim Metal Sonichu as original all along, or he wanted to [[Chris and copyright|take credit for another one of Alec's characters]]. Sadly, though, he blames the villains for it. Much like the original Metal Sonic, it is a combat robot built by [[Doctor Robotnik]] (Later retconned into [[Ren Skysoar]]) for [[Giovanni]] in the image of Sonichu, with the intention of [[Jerkops|capturing]] or [[Chris and Death|killing]] its organic counterpart.

In fitting with its role as a killing machine, it had some unique weapons and capabilities which the original Sonichu did not have- these included laser/lightning cannon-like weapons built into both of its hands/forearms, an automated targeting system built into its HUD, levitation, high speed flight and air-dashing abilities provided by the booster engine in its body, a sharpened axe blade-like tail for deadlier mid-air spin attacks, and a lightweight yet incredibly resilient armor and chassis which was capable of resisting several attacks from both Sonic and Sonichu with little apparent damage. It appears to be powered by rechargeable batteries (Or at least has them as one of its potential energy sources), as seen in its picture with Ren Skysoar showing it plugged into a wall and recharging via an extension lead on its tail. It also matches and could theoretically exceed Sonichu's [[power]] and standard abilities, although this was not seen during its initial appearance.

Metal Sonichu is defeated in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] by Sonic and Sonichu after being hit by a combined attack which hurls it into space, eventually causing it to crash into the [[Moon]]; however, the robotic clone survives this attack, as evident by the sight of its eyes glowing in the darkness and a clawed metal hand rising out of a crater, resulting in a cliffhanger.

The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the robotic clone and that it would never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about it in the [[Mailbag]], and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] or [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]. According to Chris, the deactivated Metal Sonichu would have been found on the Moon and used as a vessel for the recently-revived [[Count Graduon]] to return to Earth, and would become the new villain- mostly because he had already removed every other major villain from the comic permanently in preparation for [[Sonichu 10|an issue]] dedicated to murdering characters based on his IRL trolls, and afterwards, [[Chris and writing|left nothing for his characters to do anymore]] as a result of it. Whether or not we'll actually see Metal Sonichu pull it off remains to be seen.
{{-}}
<center><gallery>
Image:MetalSonichu.jpg|A robotic copy of a [[Sonichu (character)|copy]], and it's still the more likeable of the two.
Image:220-ACMSchu.jpg|In [[Animal Crossing]] card form.
Image:221-ACMSchuBck.jpg|Yeah...
Image:222-YuMSchu.jpg|[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] variation.
File:Ren_metal.jpg|With [[Ren Skysoar]].
</gallery></center>

 

===Amy Rose===
{{main|Amy Rose}}
[[File:Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|200px|thumb|'I had no idea that the [[Metal Gear Solid|Les Enfants Terribles Project]] had gone this far!']]

[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s on-again off-again love interest. Amy Rose in the [[video games]] is a 12-year-old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.

That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in ''Sonic Adventure'', where she singlehandedly defeated the powerful ZERO (E-100 Alpha) robot and re-united a separated family of birds, or in ''Sonic Adventure 2'', where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In ''Sonichu'', however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any Rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in [[Issue 1]] where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit. Interestingly, the page shows how much Chris ended up copying her design for Rosechu.

Chris later introduced two new pages to Sonichu #1 in [[October 2015]] revealing that both she and Sonic were simply disguises utilized by [[Silvana]]'s shapeshifting ability. Whether this becomes more integrated in other issues of the series is yet to be seen.

===Hanna===
{{main|Hanna}}

A woman who [[trolled]] Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his [[Attraction Sign]]. Chris not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

The ''Sonichu'' version of Hanna is apparently an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to not be a cartoonishly evil-looking miscreant, probably due to being a woman.

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==

===Wes Iseli===
{{main|Wes Iseli|Wasabi Rival}}

[[File:Wes Iseli.jpg|thumb|left|In his Wes-Li Sonichu form.]]
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the [[Wasabi Clan]], a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee.

When Chris fulfilled the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] by becoming [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become [[Wes-Li Sonichu]]. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating [[Count Graduon]]. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], and attending [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain conclave in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Hammer|Queen of the Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:Sonichu02-P13.jpg|thumb|Sarah as she appears in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].]]

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furry just like himself.

As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against [[Count Graduon]]. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more, though, in [[Sonichu Special 2]], where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill-fated marriage to [[Ivy]], acting as his best man.

===Keeper of the Destiny Cave===
[[File:Keeper.PNG|thumb|Is he old or just a kid with a beard?]]
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his [[Medallion]] to transform into his [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|fursona]]. After revealing the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with [[Yawning Squirtle]], if he's smart.

===Mary Lee Walsh===
{{main|Mary Lee Walsh}}

[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|left|For some reason, Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. [[Chris and Writing|At no point is any information about her motivation for this provided by anybody]].

Mary Lee Walsh first appeared in the comics in [[Issue 2]], but a preview of her design was shown in [[Issue 0]], and she had been mentioned in both [[sub-episodes]] that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of [[Count Graduon]], and directing the Golem attacking [[CWCville]]. This is thought to be her canonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], since the very first sub-episode features Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of [[Jerkops]], [[Manajerks]] and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured [[Crystal Weston Chandler]] in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.

===Count Graduon===
{{main|Count Graduon}}

[[Image:Count Graduon.jpg|thumb|Count Graduon, the most [[Pickle|phallic]] villain in the ''Sonichu'' series.]]
The Evil released when the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the [[Cherokian Clan]]. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has secretly manipulated [[Silvana Rosechu]] to become his tranny rape weapon against the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He appeared to be destroyed after [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|GodMode!Chris]] smashes his staff in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, during which he would have found and possessed the deactivated Metal Sonichu on the [[Moon]], again returning to Earth as the main villain. From late-[[2015]] onwards, Chris has gradually began to place more emphasis on Graduon, creating a new design to show his true physical form, and also devising a Mii [[Super Smash Bros. Videos|that he then featured in several videos]] involving him fighting Walsh.

===Golem===
A weapon used by [[Count Graduon]] after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked [[CWCville]], [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]],[[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and [[Saramah Rosechu]] teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===The Chaotic Combo===
{{main|Chaotic Combo}}

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the [[Rainbow]] that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of ''Sonichu'' for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville hierarchy.

===Wild Sonichu===
{{main|Wild Sonichu}}
[[Image:Wild parenting tips.jpg|thumb|left|Wild Sonichu, advising his one year old daughter on how best to mutilate a man's genitals.]]

The green recolor and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spider-Man. He was apparently raised by a clan of weird ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him.

Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named [[Simonla Rosechu]]. Simonla was later killed, but fortunately for Wild, the [[Sandy Rosechu|bastard child]] which resulted from all sex he had with her [[Chris and art#Originality|looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way]].

===Bubbles Rosechu===
{{main|Bubbles Rosechu}}
[[File:Iamnotretarded.jpg|thumb|Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that, Bubbles.]]

The sky-blue recolor and an airheaded slut. According to [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], she was raised as a child by a random Swampert who happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a [[Niggos|black guy]]. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking [[Blake]]. She finds a [[Sonichu Ball]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between [[Silvana|a trannie]] and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.

Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic [[Asperchu]]. Some time later, Christian established on her [[CWCipedia]] article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of Atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.

===Angelica Rosechu===
{{main|Angelica}}
[[Image:271-Angelica.jpg|thumb|left|Angelica, the embodiment of the Antichrist.]]

A white recolor. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a Catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout member of the Faith and named her Angelica after her resemblance to the biblical angels - despite this, Angelica grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of [[CWCville]]. She evolved one night in her sleep. Chris, who somehow knew exactly where she was and when she would evolve, broke into her house to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up.

Despite being billed as a pacifist and a peacemanker, she later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkops]], and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, ''personally execute'' [[Alec Benson Leary]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] - after reading him the last rites of course, [[Chris and religion|which Catholic laymen are not permitted to do]]. She charitably remarked 'May God have mercy' while doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was referring to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge [[ego]], and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making [[parody]] webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasel on the first date and she has been known to [[Media:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG|do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.]]

===Punchy Sonichu===
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}

[[Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy, the Asian one.]]
The red one, Punchy is not even a recolour; he's just Knuckles the Echidna who is already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.

Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediately after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who [[Dragon Ball Z|ripped off his tail since it was a weakness]]. He then punched her through the roof to her presumed death. [[Excel Saga|G.D.W. Shinabe]], delighted at the murder of his daughter, decides to teach Punchy martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using [[pokémon]] attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterward, his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparently inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of ''Sonichu'' fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], where he took the [[Dating Education]] courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaaffy. Since [[Women's rights|all women are the same in Sonichu]], Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] executions.

===Magi-Chan Sonichu===
{{main|Magi-Chan}}
[[Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|thumb|left|When you turn your back, he's going to stab you.]]

The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokémon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the [[Time Void]]. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.

=== Sonee and Rosey ===
{{main|Sonee & Rosey}}

The (irritating) baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], who appear on the first page of [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]. Technically, baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu could never exist since they were created directly from a Pikachu and Raichu respectively, but that didn't stop Chris from creating them. They never made a canon appearance, but Chris recycled the designs for [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]].

===Scyther===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|right|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu. [[Chris and art|We think]].]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild told Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

===Venusaur===
{{main|Pokémon}}
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

===Swampert===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

=== Boulder-Dropping Whale ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Boulder Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
[[Image:Wailord.png|200px|thumb|An actual Wailord.]]
Originally identified as a common whale in the [[Audiobooks]], Chris stated in [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|a blog in January 2010]] that it is a Wailord, a [[Pokémon]] that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite.

Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals '''Bill''', '''Metal Sonichu''', and '''[[Yawning Squirtle]]''', getting high as fuck.

=== Nuns ===
[[Image:Schununs.jpg|thumb|"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"]]
The two nuns that raised [[Angelica]], even though ''real'' nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica, they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words ''bless'' and ''Lord'' frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from. Chris stated in the [[videobooks]] that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, ''and'' they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.

===G.D.W. Shinabe===
[[Image:Shinabe.jpg|thumb|left|Let it never be said Chris has no respect for [[Chris and copyright|copyright]]. He at least advertises the stuff he rips off.]]
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris's many horrible ''[[Excel Saga]]'' references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', a follow-up project to ''Excel Saga''.

In ''Sonichu'', Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts [[Punchy Sonichu]] and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for ''Great Director Watanabe'', a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in ''Puni Puni Poemy'', and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.

If Christian's "Sonichu" article on [[CWCipedia]] is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason ''during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo''.

=== Mypoe ===
[[Image:Schumypoe.jpg|120px|thumb|A classic example of fanservice in ''Sonichu'']]
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of ''Puni Puni Poemy'', depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble [[Excel Saga|Excel]] instead. Despite this, Chris claims that the [[lie|two characters are not related]].<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.284:11_to_6:01.29</ref> In ''Sonichu'', Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged [[Punchy Sonichu]] to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a ''weak point'', and should be removed (a concept stolen from [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the [[trolls|fans]]. She has a special place in their hearts due to being the only character that tried to put a Sonee out of its miserable existence shortly after birth.

=== Mewtwo ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|left|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris's idiocy.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers.

Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this though, much like all of the other sideplots [[Chris and his Ego|not involving him]], it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokémon team. Since in Pokémon lore there is only one Mewtwo, it can be assumed that this is the same one.

===Flame the Sunbird===
{{main|Flame the Sunbird}}

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]], and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokémon, yet he readily uses Pokémon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

===Black Manajerk===
{{main|B-Manajerk}}

[[Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|thumb|100px|Black Manajerk, the badass.]]
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his [[Love Quest]] at [[Mal-Wart]], kitted out with a suit of golden armour. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic]], confront Chris after the [[Jerkhief]] tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with [[Mecha-Jerkops]], and Chris is aided by [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his [[Medallion]]. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention after Chris was sucked into the [[Time Void]].

[[Chris and race|And yes, the 'B' in B-Manajerk does stand for Black]].

===Merried Seinor Comic===
{{main|Merried Seinor Comic}}

Companion of [[B-Manajerk]], Merried Seinor Comic, also known as Kirby, is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's in which Chris was loitering that day. In ''Sonichu'', he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.

===Wal-Mart Manajerk===
{{main|W-M-Manajerk}}

[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Truly an inspiration to us all.]]
The ruler of the [[Mal-Wart]] region, W-M-Manajerk confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other [[Manajerks]], W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his [[Medallion]] with the [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his "dream sibling", [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.

Particularly worrying was that according to dialogue, Chris and Crystal were surprised to learn he could survive in just his head form after they removed it from his body, implying that they had intended to murder the helpless man.

===Darkbind Sonichu===
{{main|Darkbind Sonichu}}

[[Image:081-Darkbind.jpg|130px|thumb|right|Dear Lord, he's even [[gay]]er than [[Magi-Chan]]!]]
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the [[W-M-Manajerk]] shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s invasion of [[CWCville]] in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven [[Sonichu Balls]] to re-awaken his beloved [[Zelina Rosechu]]. He finally achieves this in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], and then starts crying.

===Mecha-Jerkops===
{{main|Mecha-Jerkops}}

Mechanical [[Jerkops]] used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops. One wonders what was the point was when actual Jerkops are far more capable and numerous.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
=== Crystal Weston Chandler ===
{{main|Crystal Weston Chandler (character)}}

Chris's imaginary sister. A virtual duplicate of Chris with the exception of being a female, she is created by the power of Chris's [[Pixelblock]] [[Heart Torch]], giving her sentience. Like Chris, she can become a Rosechu - Crystalina Rosechu - through her own medallion. She later spends half of the comic trapped away in a [[Dark Mirror Hole|mirror]] before being rescued as an afterthought. Chris makes [[Chris and Sex#Incest|numerous remarks about her beauty]].

=== Snorlax ===
{{main|Pokémon}}

A [[Snorlax]] who briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1500 pounds]] and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Chris and hypocrisy|How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops]].

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

=== ScotPalazzo ===
{{main|ScotPalazzo}}

ScotPalazzo is the [[Manajerk]] of Fa-Square, from the Sho-Mall Region. He is based on the manager who called the [[Jerkhief]] on Chris in real life, though he did not appear in ''Sonichu'' until Sub-Episode 6, where he for some reason became jealous that Chris had his own TV show; CWC's Backyard Safari. He decided once he was done watching it to order more Jerkops after Chris, since he was once again persisting to [[Love Quest|solicit sex in a public place]] and was still [[Story of my current days|resisting arrest]]. Or at least, that would be the [[Honest|truthful]] reason. In ''Sonichu'', however, it's because he hates love, since it caused his mother's murder suicide somehow. It's likely that the real ScotPalazzo's mother did no such thing, but Chris for some reason thinks that [[Trolls|anyone who dislikes him]] at all must have terrible and tragic lives, since [[Chris and his ego|only people with no life could ever possibly hate Chris]]! That said, ScotPalazzo is probably the only villain in Sonichu, at least until [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], to have any kind of motivation, so no one's complaining. ScotPalazzo also attended Mary's villain convention after Chris was lost to the [[Time Void]].

=== Turdijerk ===
{{main|Turdijerk}}

Turdijerk is the Manajerk of the [[Get-Tar]] region. He appears in Sub-Episode 7, where he tells Chris to get out of his store because he is loitering on private property again and scaring off his customers. Unlike with previous cases where he has provoked Manajerks into a fight, this time Chris just attacked them outright after they asked him to leave. Not caring for being assaulted by loitering manchildren, Turdijerk calls [[Bagget|Marcus Bagget]] to come and deal with the potentially dangerous Chris before he attacks any more of his employees. He also later attended [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention.

=== Trebor Capman ===
{{main|Trebor Capman}}

Turdijerk's assistant and the second victim of Christian's unwarranted attack on the store manager. It can be assumed that his real name is Robert, given Chris's legendary love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]]. He was also present at the villain convention with his boss Turdijerk.

=== Marcus Bagget ===
{{main|Bagget}}
Yet another one of Chris's [[Sub-Episode]] characters of the week, '''Bagget''' (later ret-conned to '''Dagget''') is the leader of a group of [[Jerkop]]s in the [[Get-Tar Region]]. His efforts are supplemented by [[Crackder]] and a [[Jerkhief]]. Bagget and the Jerkops arrive shortly after Trebor Capman and Turdijerk attempt to make Chris leave a Target he had singled out as an [[Attraction Location]], but Chris refused to go. Thus, Bagget fought Chris personally using his sword, but the battle was fought to a standstill with Chris transforming into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], forcing Bagget to call in his Jerkop squad for assistance. After the Jerkhief gave Chris a wicked carpet burn and 'hog-timed' him, Bagget ordered Crackder to take the now-restrained manchild to [[PVCC]].

Unusually, Bagget never gets any form of punishment from Chris as a result of this, and disappears from the comic, only reappearing as a cameo among the council of enemies at PVCC in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]. It is unknown exactly what role he played in the battle between Chris and the Chaotic Combo vs. PVCC.

Ironically, the real '''Marcus Bagett''' that Bagget is based on has received multiple awards for his heroism.

=== Crackder ===
{{main|Crackder}}

{{Incomplete}}

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===William Spicer===
The husband of Sarah Hammer. Because Chris had no clue as to what William actually looked like, Chris depicted him as a Jack's Knight, a card from the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card game franchise.

===Megan Schroeder (Meg-Chan)/Sailor Megtune===
{{main|Megan Schroeder|Sailor Megtune}}
Chris's second love interest. Based off of the actual Megan Schroeder, she moonlights as a Sailor Senshi, devoted to aiding Chris whenever he can't get off his own fat rear to do so. Despite having a very central role when she first appears, she is quickly erased from the series after her real-life counterpart gives Chris the boot in the aftermath of his ED discovery.

===Megagi La Skunk===
{{main|Megagi La Skunk}}
Megan's skunk companion. Starting out as a butch, tomboyish character with more personality than the rest of the Rosechus, her distinct nature rapidly corrodes as she gains a boyfriend in Bionic, devolving into a bland feminine cheerleader by Issue 9.

===Harriet, Joseph, Julia, Nick===
Couples harassed by Jerkops.

===Jamsta Sonichu===
{{main|Jamsta Sonichu}}

DJ for KCWC and one of the few Sonichus shown that weren't created by the Chaotic Rainbow. He has no obvious powers and speaks in outdated slang. Interestingly, Jamsta's the actual ORIGINAL Sonichu, yet he wasn't discovered and named until later, giving Sonichu all the credit.

===CWCVille Constable===
One of the few non-Jerkops in CWCVille.

===CADD Chef (alias Keneru-Meneth)===
{{main|CADD Chef}}

Another one of Slaweel's minions who does nothing but complain about building designs. The character is based off of Chris's Computer-Aided Drafting and Design and the South Park character Chef. Why Chris chose to combine these two concepts is known only to him.

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==

===Patti-Chan===
{{Main|Patti Chandler|Patti-Chan}}

Chris's beloved dog. Following her real-life death, in the comics, a combination of eating a four-leaf clover and moonbeams transformed Patti into Patti-Chan. Realizing what had happened, Chris brought his dog to CWCVille so it can live on forever. She uses her magic to protect the Mayor's office in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], then kills Alec in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] because "she's not a zombie."

===Allison Amber===
{{main|Allison Amber}}

Chris's mayoral secretary. Once a prominent Hollywood star, she bafflingly gave up the fame and fortune to work in the CWCVille Mayor's office. She essentially performs the entirety of the mayoral work in lieu of Chris while he traipses around murdering people and finding true love. When Chris became trapped in the Time Void, it was indicated that she had overtaken all of his duties until his return - presumably this made very little difference to Allison's schedule. In ''Sonichu'' #10, she rather harshly kills Sean for his promiscuous depiction of her in ''Moon-Pals''.

===Shadow the Hedgehog===
{{main|Shadow the Hedgehog|Christian & The Hedgehog Boys}}

The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this [[stress|angst-filled]] hedgehog is the focal point of a number of teenager-aimed Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the "inspiration" of Blake. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys' solo album.

===Zelina Rosechu===
{{main|Zelina Rosechu}}

Darkbind Sonichu's love interest. She is put under a spell through the locked power of the Sonichu Crystals prior to the start of the series. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], she is awakened to much fanfare and is unsurprisingly revealed to be as unimportant and devoid of personality as all the other Rosechus.

===Clawdorf===
{{main|Clawdorf}}

Darkbind Sonichu's deadly foe. After putting Zelina into a deep sleep, he is accidentally turned into stone and left in a cave. He is presumed freed by Ultra Sonichu.

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
{{main|Bionic the Hedgehog}}

Chris's first creation before Sonichu came into play. Thought up of after getting smacked with a Sonichu Crystal (later altered to be a basketball), Bionic became Chris's first creation. He would go into obscurity until Naitsirhc arrived on the scene, knocking out the villain with a basketball. He would soon fall in love with Megagi and go and aid Chris in his adventures, culminating in Bionic electrocuting Alec.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==

===Mighty the Armadillo===

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Arm'''or'''dillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by ''Sonichu'' readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
 

===Sammy===
{{main|Sammy}}

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical ''[[Family Guy]]'' style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate representation of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
 

===Skelevision and Ghost Buggy===
{{main|Ghostbusters}}

Items used by the Filmation Ghostbusters in their adventures. Sammy busts through them in his "Family Guy Skitch" in his confused state.

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}

One of Chris's old classmates and one of his old high school crushes. She appears in Episode 15, discovering Chris's nude picks and is revealed to have warned Rosechu in Episode 17. Interestingly, she is one of the few who ''doesn't'' get a retconned name change.

===Bender Bending Rodriguez===
{{main|Futurama}}

A lazy self-absorbed robot who gets his kicks off of robbing people, getting drunk and all around being lazy, especially with his friend Philip J. Fry. Doesn't ''that'' sound like someone we know. Bender is seen spiraling through the time stream as Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan travel on.

===Joseph Herring===
{{main|Joseph Herring}}

One of the many people affected by Slaweel's attacks, this pimply faced man, later renamed Joe Herr, is seen lamenting about the loss of his girlfriend. The character is based off of a man by the same name who actually looked pretty decent.

===Beavis and Butt-Head===
{{main|Beavis and Butt-Head}}

MTV's legendary icons for all things 1990, Beavis and Butt-Head were two idiotic teens who got their kicks through destruction, pervert antics and all around being complete and utter idiots. And America ''mostly'' loved them. They show up in Episode 16 slamming a locker door, mimicking a scene from one of their shorts.

===Janekops===
[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|100px|You have the right to remain ''sexayyyyy'']]

Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform mentally retarded people into new Jerkops. From this it can be inferred that any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Breasted Jerkops would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

===Jason Kendrick Howell===
{{main|Jason Kendrick Howell}}

The head of 4-cent_garbage, Jason Kendrick Howell is the bald-headed, eye-patch wearing cause of Chris's torment in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Based off of the person by the same name whom Chris believes put up the Chris-Chan ED page, Jason is shown as apathetic to Sonichu's pleas before he launches a pickle at Rosechu, causing her to transform into the [[Incredible Lioness]] and face rape him. He would return in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], only to decide he was going to retire from trolling Chris because tormenting him is WRONG.

===Kathleen===
{{main|Kathleen}}

Kathleen is Jason's "woman slave", seen wearing an odd BDSM outfit and in a crawling position. She stays ever faithful by Jason's side throughout the whole thing. She is based off the woman by the same name, who was Jason's girlfriend at the time.

===Blanca===
{{main|Blanca}}

The first of many troll gal-pals to appear in the comics. Blanca was the creator of Jiggliami and was present at the interview with Jamsta. In issue 8, however, it's revealed that she went back to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend.

===Jiggliami===
{{main|Jiggliami}}

Blanca's creation, an odd fusion of Amy Rose and a Jigglypuff. She is a songstress who's seeking to become popular. She appears in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] with an interview with Jamsta and in a Spring Break concert in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], helping the Chaotic Combo before inexplicably disappearing forever.

===Lolisa Rosechu===
{{main|Lolisa Rosechu}}

Jamsta's assistant on his radio show. Oddly, she is also the oldest Rosechu of the bunch, but because this is Chris's comic, she is conveniently shoved aside so that Rosechu is the first, thus named after her.

===Robert Simmons V===
{{main|Robert Simmons V}}

Another troll who made his way into the comic as a major fan of the comics. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he appears at Jiggliami's interview. However, after Chris learned the truth of the man, he retconned it in his [[Videobooks]] by saying he was arrested for getting too close to Chris.

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==

===Lovey and Thurston Howell III===
{{main|Lovey Howell|Thurston Howell III}}
[[Image:Howells.jpg|thumb|200px|The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlety".]]

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], [[Christian Weston Chandler]] sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] with a scathing [[parody]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no [[anime]] or ''[[Family Guy]]'' characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found '''Thurston Howell III''' and '''Lovey Howell''', the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series ''Gilligan's Island''. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his [[Sonichu (website)|website]], [[YouTube]] videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in [[2008]].

===Beel===
{{main|Beel}}

The secretary at 4-cent_garbage, he is a devil-like creature with the [[homos|gayest]] pants ever. He shows up briefly in Episode 17, but is more prominently shown in Episode 21, stealing Chris's medallion, before having it teleported away, then blasted to kingdom come. He returns just in time to berate Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus over their trolling of Chris (comparing it to working with Adolf Hitler) before disappearing.

===4-cent_garbage.com employees===
{{main|4-cent_garbage}}

The workers of 4-cent_garbage building. Chris reappears to briefly sock one of them in the face. In Episode 21, Chris returns fully and destroys the building, killing about a hundred of the employees.

===George W. Bush===
{{main|George W. Bush}}

42nd President of the United States and son of the 40th President, George H. W. Bush, he saw his highs of popularity from the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 attacks]] plummet after he initiated the War in Iraq. He is depicted in the elevator gag tipping over his successor off his ladder.

===Barack Obama===
{{main|Barack Obama}}

43rd President of the United States and first [[niggo|African-American president]]. Obama is depicted in the elevator gag attempting to paint the White House black, but is stopped by Bush.

===John McCain===
{{main|John McCain}}

Obama's opponent in the 2008 elections and former US Senator. He yells at Obama for painting the White House black.

===Hilary Clinton===
{{main|Hillary Clinton}}

New York Senator, former First Lady to 41st President Bill Clinton and one of five potential candidates in the Democratic nominee for President. She's present as Obama paints the White House.

===Sarah Palin===
{{main|Sarah Palin}}

Former Alaskan governor, John McCain's running mate and all-around gullible bag of bricks. This "bulldog with lipstick" was present as Obama painted the White House.

===Simonla Rosechu===
{{main|Simonla Rosechu}}

Wild Sonichu's fuck toy, Simonla Rosechu is the unholy monstrosity created when Chris took Simonchu Sonichu, a creation by [[Evan]] (who in turned based it off of Simon the Digger of ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'') and gave it breasts and china. Simonla first appears when she joins the other Rosechus in "stripping for [[Women's Rights]], introducing her friend Zapina. She's later paired up with Wild in Dating Education before aiding said Sonichu in defending CWCVille from Slaweel's attack. However, Simonla would meet her demise by a Voltorb blowing itself up, killing her ''on the toilet''.

===Zapina Rosechu===
{{main|Zapina Rosechu}}

A young (under-age) Rosechu who's friends with Simonla. She first appears trying to join some of the other Rosechus in stripping publicly for Women's Rights, but Rosechu shoots down that idea because of the "dumb" child pornography laws. She is later seen defending CWCVille from Slaweel and her minions.

===Greta Squall===
[[File:Greta.PNG|thumb|There are blind five-year-olds who can draw better human figures. With their feet.]]
News anchor for "[[Excel Saga|FQX]] News", obviously a parody of Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren. Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.

===Silvana Rosechu===
{{main|Silvana Rosechu}}

Another missing Rosechu, she was found on [[The Motherfucking Moon]] by Count Graduon and turned evil, giving her shapeshifting powers and a [[duck|penis]]. She appears in Episode 18, fucking Blake disguised as Bubbles before being driven off. She appears again in Episode 20, fighting Magi-Chan and appears one last time, disguising herself as a malformed Meg Griffin. According to Chris, Silvana would lose her powers and her dick when Graduon's staff was shattered and she would soon fall in love with Magi-Chan.

===Yawning Squirtle===
{{main|Yawning Squirtle}}

A Squirtle that is seen yawning and given a very stoned look. Many trolls took it that the Squirtle was actually high off of weed and ran with it. In retaliation, Chris mentioned that this Squirtle was actually an old friend of Bubbles and that it was also captured and not shot to the moon.

===Sea Pokémon===

Comprised of [[Mudkips]], [[Seadra]], [[Goldeen]], [[Staryu]], [[Corsola]], [[Octillery]], [[Mantine]], and [[Corphish]]. Note that Mudkip are found in swamps, not the ocean.

===Optimus Prime===
{{main|Optimus Prime}}

Supreme Commander of the Autobots and hero of the Transformers franchise. He is considered to be one of Chris's idols. However, he is depicted in Issue 8 as a grand hero (or a murderer, however you want to look at it), killing Decepticon spy Sarah Jackson.

===Sarah Jackson===
{{main|Sarah Jackson}}

One of Chris's sweethearts and Decepticon spy. She is given a memorial by depicting the heroic Optimus Prime running down her truck in his truck form.

===Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (aka Panda Halo)===
{{main|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie|Panda Halo}}

The third of Chris's gal-pals. She is given a shout out in Issue 8, only to be depicted dying in an a fire in Issue 9, mirroring her real-life "demise" which Chris concocted with no impetus.

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==

===Sarah Jackaras===

Sarah Jackson's second comic persona. She is depicted as a teacher for Chris's demented Dating Education class. At the end of the episode, her sister nonchalantly announces her death before handing out test scores.

===George Philip===

A kid in Dating Education. He resembles Kenny from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Layla Flaaffy===
{{main|Layla Flaaffy}}

Ivy's companion, who does not even vaguely resemble a Flaaffy. She ends up hooking up with Punchy in Episode 19 and is shown one last time blasting away a bunch of Jerkops with a Thunder attack in Episode 20.

===Ivy===
{{main|Ivy}}

The last of the real-life sweethearts to show up in the ''Sonichu'' comics (excluding the specials) thus far. She ends up having a vision where God and Jesus tell her that she is to be Chris's one true love. Irrespective of this, she is strangled by elevator wire in Episode 20.

===Reginald Sneasel===
{{main|Reginald Sneasel}}

Chris's Mary Sue character that fills in for him while he is still trapped in the Time Void. He despises [[Niggo|darkies]] and attempts to break up Punchy and Layla only for Angelica to feel sorry for him and be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]].

===God/Jesus===
{{main|God/Jesus}}

Our Creator and our Lord and Savior. They appear in a vision to let Ivy know that she and Chris were meant to be. However, since Ivy dies in the next episode, it's hard not to imagine they were trolling the two in the process.

===Florance Fisher===
[[Image:SchuFlorence.jpg|100px|thumb|Florance Fisher]]

One of the few [[Niggos|black]] characters in ''Sonichu'' that isn't evil, although she is extremely peripheral. She is rejected by Reginald Sneasel, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles ''South Park'''s art style, and was probably traced.

===Rita Jackaras===

Sarah's sister. She replaces Sarah after offhandedly revealing she died somehow during the students' lunch break, then begins handing out test scores. Judging by her [[Speech impediment|odd speech patterns]], she may be [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]].

===Other students===

Comprised of:
*Amy Testa
*Clem Jennings
*Geraldine
*Fred Shiflet
*Emily Ryan
*Unnamed computer-lab attendant
*Clyde Raymond Cwash- Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at [[Clyde Cash]], even though in real life<ref>Or at least in what Chris [[Chris and reality|believes is real life]]</ref> he not only succeeded in two tasks Chris has so far failed - [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo|getting married and having a child]] - but also achieved those goals using [[Chris and sex#Rape|extremely Chris-like methods]].

===Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels===
{{main|Scoundrals As Vessels}}

Evil PVCC Decepticons, they're mass produced and act as heavy-duty attackers. Repaint of Swindle from ''Transformers Animated''

===Samurai Pizza Bots===
{{main|Samurai Pizza Bots}}

CWCVille's main machine protectors and obvious Autobot rejects. This team is comprised of:
*[[Prower]] - Punchy's motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from ''Transformers Animated''
*[[Son-Chu]] - a depiction of Chris's real-life car with a "SONICHU" vanity plate
*[[Bumble-Lumba]] - recolor of Bumblebee from ''Transformers Animated''. Also a pizza delivery car.
*[[Excelina]] - recolor of R.C. from ''Revenge of the Fallen''.
*[[Armoraxe]] - recolor of Sound Wave from ''Transformers Animated''. Even has a guitar as a weapon.

===Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu===
{{main|Blazebob Sonichu|Chloe Rosechu}}

Both were created by [[PandaHalo]].<ref>From the CWCipedia "Sonichu" page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" ''"Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."''</ref> They are saved by Panda before her gruesome death and start bawling at her death before a firefighter tells them to move their asses.

===IBAChandler===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The ''Sonichu'' variation of Liquid Chris. This ground-type Sonichu is easily curb-stomped by Sonichu before he can really get the chance to attack. It's said that Liquid's medallion was made out of paper.

===Cerah, Christine, and Robbie===
{{main|Sonichu and Rosechu's Children}}

The demonic spawn of Sonichu and Rosechu. Robbie is known for his screechy voice and [[speech impediment]], Christine is known for being [[Chris and his ego|self-absorbed]] and "shiny" (read: not really Sonichu's), and Cerah is known for absolutely nothing at all. All are equally abominable in the eyes of the Lord. These three simply show up at the end of the comic with only one extremely minor mention prior to then, and their births have never been shown. It is extremely likely that these three were created in response to trolls pointing out that Sonichu and Rosechu were having premarital underage sex. They feature all too heavily subsequent to their sudden introduction.

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==

===Bugs Bunny===
[[Image:Bugsbunny.jpg|thumb|Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.]]

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, '''Bugs Bunny''' appeared briefly in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to scold [[Jimmy Hill]] for his [[Parody|infringement]] upon [[Sonichu]]'s [[Chris and Copyright|copyright]]. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

===Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez===
[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend Sonichu.]]

Two of [[CWCville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

===The Asperpedia Four===
[[Image:Maoalecevansean.jpg|thumb|The Asperpedia Four on trial. (clockwise from the top: Mao, Alec, Evan, Sean)]]

The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

*[[Alec Benson Leary]] - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
*[[Evan]] - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
*[[Sean August Watley]] - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
*[[Asperpedia|Mao]] - Asperpedia admin. Is [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|broken]] and killed by Chris.

Chris would, in an attempt to appear like a less psychotic human being, make a new ending for Sonichu 10, wherein the four are condemned to live in a Amish community for the rest of their lives, which results in them becoming a bunch of [[slow-in-the-minds]] who spew [[random-access humor]].

===Sackboy===
{{main|Little Big Planet}}

The mascot and main character of the ''Little Big Planet'' game franchise. He appears in issue 10 to tell readers not to buy unauthorized copies of ''LBP'' for the [[Hex Box]].

===Jimmy Hill===
{{main|Jimmy Hill}}

Famed former soccer player turned commentator who was used as part of a trolling scheme against Chris. He is depicted in Issue 10 getting his teeth knocked out by Chris-Chan Sonichu's Hyper Beam before being scolded by Bugs Bunny.

===Clyde Cash===
{{main|Clyde Cash}}

Infamous troll who helped inspire many others. In actuality, Clyde's first appearance was in ''[[Sonichu Special 1]]'', capturing Ivy and trying to kill both Chris and Ivy when they escape. In issue 10, he's depicted as a panicking man as the 4-cent_garbage building began falling. Unwilling to let Chris kill him, he takes the hand of his lover, Jack Thaddeus, and leap to his death.

===Jack Thaddeus===
{{main|Jack Thaddeus}}

Person who owned the ads at the CWCkipedia and forced Chris to hump his [[PS3|Life Upgrade]]. He is depicted as another panicking man in the 4-cent_garbage building. He joins his lover, Clyde Cash, in leaping to their deaths, unwilling to let Chris have his victory.

===Meg Griffin===
{{main|Meg Griffin}}

Middle child of the fictional Griffin family, usually depicted as being ignored and ridiculed by her family and just about everyone else. In Issue 10, she was a disguise by Silvana, who appeared, told Chris how awesome he was, shared a kiss with him, then disappeared. Worst troll ever.

===Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu===
{{main|Asperchu}}

Star of Alec Benson Leary's comic of the same name. When Ultra Sonichu appears, he takes away his personality and Asperger's and transforms him into Mitch Sonichu (and Chris expected Alec to follow suit).

===Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)===
{{main|Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)}}

Formerly the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, Wild and Magi-Chan. Ultra Sonichu appears and removes their "Asperger's" (despite none of them actually having the condition) and gives them new identities of Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu.

===Metal Asperchu===

A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven [[Sonichu Balls|Chaos Pickles]]. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.

===Basement Rosechus===
{{main|Basement Rosechus}}

A group of Rosechus found in Alec's basement, malnourished and injured. Many had believed that Chris portrayed them as being raped by Alec, which Chris tried furiously to deny.

===Inos===
{{main|Inos}}

A homeless man discovered by Ultra Sonichu. To his horror, Inos is discovered with a five year cold and under the influence of weed. Ultra Sonichu steals his weed away then has the police slap his wrist. He later reappears during the Christmas special to compliment [[Blake]] and wish him a Happy Kwanzaa, but Blake responds with anger and some subdued [[racism]]. Blake attempts to attack Inos, but [[Bubbles]] tells him to 'stand down'.

===Simonchu===
{{main|Simonchu}}
[[File:SimonlaSimonchuHaiti.JPG|150px|thumb|right|Simonchu (right) and [[Simonla Rosechu|his infringed counterpart]].]]
The main hero of [[Evan]]'s Simonchu comics and Wild's lover in Asperchu. He attempts to kill his evil clone Simonla, but is stopped by Magi-Chan.
{{-}}

===Toilet Exploding Voltorb===
[[Image:Toiletexplodingvoltorb.png|thumb|Simonla's killer.]]

The Pokémon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.

===Sandy Rosechu===
{{main|Sandy Rosechu}}

The bastard child of Wild and Simonla. She is forced to be evolved by Wild and is trained by different Pokémon just so she can ''tear Evan's genitals out''.

===Judge Slack Lewis===

The judge presiding the case of the Asperpedia Four. He has an obvious bias towards Chris and allows everything that goes on. He may or may not be a rip-off of [[wikipedia:Lewis Black|Lewis Black]], a comedian who would likely rage at Chris and the comic.

===Marvey Blaziken===

A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a bird. Serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of [[Chris and the Law|Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system]] as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.

===Spiny Norman===

An actual hedgehog, Chris shoehorned in an incredibly minor reference to an early ''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'' sketch on the page calling out [[Jimmy Hill]], presumably because Chris' only exposure to the British was the TV show.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==
===Kevin===
{{main|Kevin the Jew}}
An unseen friend of [[Cerah Rosey]]. Since he's Jewish, Cerah bakes him as a gift a candle-shaped cookie for Hanukkah, due to the candle-related symbolism in this holiday's rituals, despite the fact that a biscuit of any shape would have been accepted for such a celebration. Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply asking if he's allergic, she just assumes it.<ref>''[[Sonichu 11]]'', p. [:image:SchuComic11P4.jpg|4].</ref> Because Jews are sickly Melvins with many allergies, you see. He later appears for the first time in a visual role in Sonichu 11's adaptation of ''[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]'', and heavily resembles a character from ''Peanuts''.

=="[[Sonichu Special 2]]"==

===Ching Chong===
[[Image:SchuComicSP2P4.jpg|thumb|It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... ''she was told about "recycling".'']]

A small [[China|Chinese]] girl that Ivy tutored in [[Chris and art|art]]. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "[[Semen|Navy]]" while innocently browsing the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] website. Chris offered [[Chris and remorse|formal excuses]] to her in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|Captain's Log video]]. In the comic she appears as the flower girl. Chris seems to be completely unaware of the stereotypes said character's name brings along.

===Other Characters===
*[[Keino]] - Ivy's dad
*[[Crass and Champ]] - Ivy's hermit crabs, who are ring bearers
*'''Canino Houndhowl''' - receptionist for wedding, a creation of [[Megan]] that Chris ripped off
*[[Metal Gear Solid|Gecko and Mantis]], a pair of reptilian bakers
*'''Lilith''' - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
*'''Rachel''' - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
*CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
*An unnamed [[My Little Pony]] character - pulls the chariot that Chris and Ivy ride in
*'''[[MEOW|Spas]]''' - a feline pianist
{{clear}}

==[[Sonichu Special 4]]==
===CChanSonichuCWC===
{{main|CChanSonichuCWC}}

The real Christian Weston Chandler. Here, he is displayed as a knife-wielding madman who wants to cut up Kacey for... no apparent reason. Ian responds by disarming him, then blowing out his shins.

===Kacey===
{{main|Kacey}}
Girlfriend of the real Chris and damsel in distress in the comic.

===Megatron===
{{main|Megatron}}
Seeing as the comic already depicted Optimus Prime mowing down evil, it's only natural that his eternal nemesis and leader of the Decepticons Megatron strike fear into the hearts of those who do good. He aids Ian by shooting an unarmed Chris in the legs.

===Kacey's Family===
All are thankful to [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs. Her family is comprised of:
**[[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
**Kacey's mother
**Kacey's brother
**Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "[[CChanSonichuCWC#Irony|geeky twerp]]"

==Sonichu characters not seen in the comics but otherwise mentioned by Chris==
Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of those characters include:

*A [[Pokémon#Pokémon not appearing within the comics|plethora of various Pokémon]].
*A bunch of merpeople populating the lost city of Atlantis. Virtually nothing is known about them other than that they are friends of [[Bubbles]].<ref name="Bub cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles Rosechu]</ref>
*Terrah LeAnne Yowman, her sweetheart Tippanston Gowen, and the various unnamed students mentioned in [[The High School Story]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens#The_High_School_Story The High School Story] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref>
*A Pokémon Professor named [[Cole]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia. He examined Sonichu and Rosechu after they transformed into their current forms, and was also responsible for teleporting Rosechu to Kel when the latter was engaging in gym battles.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*Grace Rosewell, the Reverend at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo attend her service every Sunday.<ref name="Son cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref>
*Fritz Richmond, a pastor at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Helped raise Angelica.<ref name="ang cwcipedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu Angelica Rosechu]</ref>
*An ex-student of Shinabe who kills his master in revenge for an unknown slight. Punchy kills in return with a punch and buries him behind Shinabe's Dojo.<ref name="Son cwcipedia" />
*Three unnamed protectors of Parodyse Island - According to [[Megagi]]'s [[Animal Crossing]] card, she and three other unnamed individuals are the protectors of Parodyse Island.<ref>[[:File:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg]]</ref> Nothing further is known about them.
*Russel and Cynthia - In Facebook post from 21 May 2015, Chris describes how Chris-chan Sonichu's form has turned into a female one. While still being in his Chris-chan Sonichu form, Chris inseminates himself with a sample of his semen that he produced while still in his human form. Two weeks he laid two eggs, and three weeks afterwards a Sonee and Rosey hatched from them. Chris named the Sonee Russel and the Rosey Cynthia. They both respectively developed into a Sonichu and Rosechu later on, with Russel developing an interest in Britain and English culture and Cynthia developing an interest in her Cherokee roots and becoming a naturist. According to Chris they have no birth defects, not even their parent's autism.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref>

==Notes==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Lists]] [[Category:Characters]]

Pokémon

2016-08-29T05:47:51Z

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{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|thumb|right|OH BOY! SLAM ATTACK, YA'LL!]]

[[File:486-CWCcatchesaPikachu.JPG|thumb|Chris [[Attraction sign|seeks out]] a Pikachu.]]

'''''Pokémon''''' (spelled '''Pok'emon''' by [[Chris]]) is one of [[Nintendo]]'s greatest creations, a Japanese cultural phenomenon that is beloved by children around the world, and a multimedia franchise encompassing [[video games]], [[card games]], [[toys]], various [[anime]] series, and much, much more.

It is also beloved by [[autistics]] all over the world, and a certain person named Christian Weston Chandler happens to be one of them.

==Chris-chan in the ''Pokémon'' World==
Chris, according to the "[[Sonichu]]" article on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia], sees himself as an official Pokémon gym leader. He claims to have over 387 Pokémon leveled-up to level 100 on his ''Pokémon Diamond'' game, all of them being trained without any kind of cheating or Rare Candies. It's not certain whether this is truth; however, given the fact he owns [[List of Chris's games|every ''Pokémon'' game]] and game system, has no life at all, and has paid off several mortgages in ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' (a feat requiring hundreds of hours of gameplay), it may very well be true.

As the leader of the [[CWCville]] Pokémon Gym, Chris has a fairly unimaginative team:
:* [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] - A [[Parody|recolor]] (and not even a real Pokemon)
:* [[Anime|Inuyasha]] - A [[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]
:* [[Gregg Mays|Greg]] - A [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]
:* [[Chris and his Ego|Christina]] - A [[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]]
:* [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]] - A [[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] (note that Gardevoir is seen as a sex symbol in Pokémon furry rings)
:* [[Random-access humor|Bagoner]] - A [[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]]

==Pokémon characters in the ''Sonichu'' universe==
===Pokémon appearing within the comics===
====[[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]]====
[[File:Pika.PNG|thumb|Poor Pikachu - he did not know the horrors fate had in store for him.]]
Transformed into [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Despite the importance to ''Sonichu'' "lore", this is basically the only time a Pikachu appears or is mentioned in the comic. From this point on, it's all just shitty recolors of Chris's first shitty recolor.

====[[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]]====
Transformed into [[Rosechu]] by the [[Rainbow]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], otherwise the same deal as Pikachu.

====[[Wikipedia:Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]]====
[[File:DD.PNG|thumb|Kel with her Dragonite.]]
A Dragonite [[Kel]] also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu sensibly declined, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]".

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0|issue #0]] (Episodes #2 and #3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter.

====[[Wikipedia:Zapdos|Zapdos]]====
[[Image:Zapdos.jpg|thumb|Zapdos is not amused with Chris's faggotry.]]
An Electric-type [[Pokémon]] and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of [[Black Sonichu]].

====[[Wikipedia:Raikou|Raikou]]====
[[Image:CWCSTRIPES.jpg|thumb|right|Oh the narcissism.]]
Used by [[Naitsirhc]] as a getaway ride in the same episode. Has stripes that spell out "[[CWC]]".

====[[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]====
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects. On the other hand, she may have rightly tried to drop a coconut on his head.

====[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]====
[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu...[[Chris and art|we think.]]]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother (a pairing that couldn't have produced offspring) or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such. Scyther cannot actually learn the move Razor Leaf in the video games.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "Cut-Sharp" Clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes."<ref name="Sonichu8Page9">[[Sonichu 8]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/a/a1/SchuComic8P14.jpg page 9]</ref>

The [[CWCipedia]] [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild+Sonichu#The_Father_is_Captured article on Wild] gives a slightly different version of the Scyther's capture. In this telling, Wild and his father were scanning the forest for predators rather than trying to seek revenge on the Charmeleons. When Wild detected poachers, the Scyther went on to attack them but was captured in the process, leading to the same ending in which the other version of the story concluded.

====[[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]====
A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/e/e9/SchuComic3P4.jpg page 4]</ref> Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/62/SchuComic3P5.jpg page 5]</ref>

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] has a Swampert in his possession called Greg which he used in his battles against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" /> Its male name suggests it is not the same Swampert who raised Bubbles, as the latter is explicitly referred to as a female both in the comic<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> and in Bubbles own CWCipedia article.<ref name="Bub cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Wailord|Boulder-Dropping Whale]]====
[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder-Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who summoned a boulder out of the sky. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu,<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Chris stated several times <ref name="Bub cpedia" /><ref name="CWCblog">[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref><ref>[[Sonichu 3 Official Videobook]]</ref> that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics, such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], which featured only Pokémon sea creatures and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Rock_Tomb_%28move%29 Rock Tomb]", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. However, Chris has claimed that the the boulder was in fact "attached to the Wailord's underbelly, like barnicles ''[sic]''", and fell off not due to murderous intent, but simply gravity<ref>[[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|Common Questions]].</ref>.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite, and was prominent in the [[parody]] series ''[[Moon-Pals]]''.

Chris also stated that Boulder-Dropping Whale had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight in the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer.<ref name="CWCblog" />

====[[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]]====
[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|right|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first ''Pokémon'' feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan|Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that [[Reldnahc]] had a Mewtwo on his Pokémon team.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> It can be assumed that this is the same one, although how this came to pass has never been explained.

====[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]====
[[File:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|A wild [[Barb|Snorlax]] in repose.]]
A Snorlax briefly appeared in Christian's "Backyard Safari" [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1,500 pounds]] (681 kg) and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Obesity|How ironic]] for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops.

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

Snorlax is also infamously an affectionate name coined by trolls towards [[Barb]].

====[[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]====
Served as inspiration for [[Jiggliami]], an "original" character created by [[Blanca]]. Appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]]. A Jigglypuff also made out with the Pikachu who would later evolve into Sonichu.<ref name="Son cpedia" />

====Miscellaneous water Pokémon====

The Pokémon [[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle]], [[Wikipedia:Mudkip|Mudkip]], [[Wikipedia:Seadra|Seadra]], [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]], [[Wikipedia:Corsola|Corsola]], [[Wikipedia:Octillery|Octillery]], [[Wikipedia:Mantine|Mantine]], and [[Wikipedia:Corphish|Corphish]] all appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

====[[Wikipedia:Flaaffy|Flaaffy]]====
Appears as [[Layla Flaaffy]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/8/87/SchuComic9P7.jpg page 7]</ref> It should be noted that Layla was not intended at all to be a Pokémon by her [[Ivy|creator]]; Chris merely decided her to be one after she was brought by him into the comics.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Layla and Punchy]]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Sneasel|Sneasel]]====
Appears as [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7" />

====[[Wikipedia:Tauros|Tauros]]====

During the Dating Ed Episode Reginald tries to drive a wedge between Punchy and Layla by claiming that Layla is a lesbian, averse to the color red and that her father is a Tauros.<ref name="Sonichu9Page15">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic9P15.jpg Page 15]</ref> In the next page we are told that Punchy had checked those rumors, most of which "were verified false."<ref name="Sonichu9Page16">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/7/77/SchuComic9P16.jpg Page 16]</ref> This indicates that, since she neither hates red nor is a lesbian, her father must have been a Tauros.

====[[Wikipedia:Nidoking|Nidoking]]====
Used by Naitsirhc to battle [[Bionic]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page85">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/0/07/SchuComic9P85.jpg page 85]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]]====
After entering the [[Asperchu]] universe in [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] learns from its inhabitants that all the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in the Asperchu comics are descended from [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s Ditto and a single Sonichu.<ref name="Sonichu10Page57">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2d/SchuComic10P57.jpg page 57]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Voltorb|Voltorb]]====
Used by Alec Benson Leary to murder [[Simonla Rosechu]] via Explosion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

====[[Wikipedia:Sandslash|Sandslash]]====
[[Simonla]] was raised by two Sandslashes after the egg from which she hatched landed in their cave.<ref name="Simon cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu Simonla]</ref><ref name="Sonichu10Page67">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/c0/SchuComic10P67.jpg page 67]</ref> After Simonla's death, the two Sandslashes are said by [[Magi-Chan]] to have become involved in their granddaughter [[Sandy]]'s training; the Sandslash seen with Sandy in Sonichu 10 is probably one of them.<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]====

A Blaziken called Inuyasha is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> It might also be the same Blaziken seen training with [[Sandy]] in [[Sonichu 10]].<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

[[Marvey Blaziken]] is apparently also a Blaziken, despite looking nothing like one and having the ability to talk.

====[[Wikipedia:Meowth|Meowth]]====

A female Meowth called Lilith acts as [[Ivy]]'s bridesmaid in the [[Wedding Comic]].<ref>[[Wedding Comic|Sonichu Special 2]], [[:File:SchuComicSP2P3.jpg|Page 3]]</ref> Her creator is listed by Chris as "Sen-Chan", who would later on be revealed as a friend of Ivy in [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special#Part 6: #3|KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] when Chris dedicated to her a video featuring a drawing of Lilith (which was probably made by Sen-Chan herself). This drawing would be featured once more in the [[Good Fan Art]] gallery Chris uploaded to the CWCipedia.

===Pokémon not appearing within the comics===

Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of the Pokémon who have been revealed in this manner to have participated in the plot of Sonichu include:

*[[Wikipedia:Chansey|Chansey]]/[[Wikipedia:Blissey|Blissey]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Chansey during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Stephanie the Blissey.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charmander]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed, Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Sandshrew and a Charmander against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Dratini|Dratini]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Dratini during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into [[Pokémon#David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] - A Gardevoir called Vanessa is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possesion. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Geodude, Graveler, and Golem|Geodude/Golem]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Geodude during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Lauren the Golem.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Gyarados|Gyarados]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> According to the CWCipedia a [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Red_Gyarados Red Gyarados] called Shred is one of the Pokémon in [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Ho-Oh|Ho-Oh]] - Mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Jolteon|Jolteon]] - According to the Rosechu's CWCipedia article, a Jolteon named Sparks was a part of Chris's Pokémon team during his battle with Kel.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> On Sonichu's CWCipedia article, on the other hand, Sonichu is the sixth member of Chris's team during said battle while Sparks is nowhere mentioned.<ref name="Son cpedia" /> It should be noted that the first [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&diff=4242&oldid=4241 revision of the article on Sonichu mentioning the battle] was written on [[August 2009]], while the article on Rosechu was written on [[February 2010]]; the inconsistency between the two versions of the story is probably due to one of them being written long after the other.
*[[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Lapras during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer, which she named Tiffany.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Luxray|Luxray]] - While he made no appearances in the comics, the CWCipedia states that Rosechu was fathered by a male Luxray and a female Raichu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> The Luxray's main role in young Rosechu's life appears to have been defending her from enemy Pokémon and teaching her how to do so. In 1996 the Luxray became sick and his Raichu wife decided to stay by his bedside rather than look out for their daughter, giving Pokémon trainers the perfect opportunity to capture her. The Luxray quickly gave up on finding his daughter, who doesn't seem to have given much of a fuck about this whole thing either.
*[[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] - Does not appear in the comics but was obviously Sonichu's and Roeschu's first form. According to the [[CWCipedia]], the Pokémon who would become Sonichu was a Pichu from 1988 until 1994.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> Rosechu CWCipedia article states that she was still a Pichu when captured in 1996 and already a Raichu in 1998, the year in which she became Rosechu;<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> it can therefore be inferred that she evolved into a Pikachu somewhere in between those times.
*[[Wikipedia:Porygon|Porygon]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon2|Porygon2]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon-Z|Porygon-Z]] - Chris, as part of his role as the CWCville gym leader, owns several of these Pokémon.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Ponyta and Rapidash|Ponyta/Rapidash]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Ponyta during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Ashley the Rapidash.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]] - A Salamence called Bagoner is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Sandshrew|Sandshrew]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Charmander and a Sandshrew against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]] - A Sceptile called Christina is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Tyranitar|Tyranitar]] - A Tyranitar named Dark Bite is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (252–319)#Vigoroth|Vigoroth]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (320–386)#Zangoose|Zangoose]] - A Pokémon trainer working for Professor Oak utilized a Zangoose to capture the Pichu who would become Rosechu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />

==Plagiarism in ''Sonichu''==
Despite the fact that Chris primarily uses Pokémon in his series, not only is he not above using the characters, he's also not above using various ''ideas'' from the series. Amongst those include:

*In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] says that he "[could] use pants."<ref name="Sonichu3Page14">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/3/37/SchuComic3P14.jpg page 14]</ref> This is ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Pokémon: The Movie 2000|''Pokémon: The Movie 2000'']] when the Pokémon [[wikipedia:Slowking|Slowking]], freezing due to the weather changes, wishes for a pair to keep himself warm.
* Despite "not being a Pokémon,"<ref name="Sonichu3Page13">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2a/SchuComic3P13.jpg page 13]</ref> Flame uses Pokémon attack [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Drill_Peck_%28move%29 Drill Peck] in his one notable appearance.<ref name="Sonichu3Page16">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic3P16.jpg page 16]</ref> Speculation abounds, but it could be that Chris assumes that "Pokémon rules" apply to all intelligent mystical animals the way anyone with a guitar can pull off solo specials from ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.
* In [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], [[Kacey]]'s sister wears similar clothes to those of [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Candice Candice], one of the 4th Generation gym leaders.
* In the biography for [[Rosechu]], it is mentioned that [[Kel]] ended up getting the Pichu who'd become Rosechu because she missed out on getting Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> This is a ripoff of how Ash Ketchum got Pikachu, except for the fact that Ash and Pikachu didn't hit it off until Pikachu saw how far Ash would go to protect it.
* In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Sonichu inexplicably knows [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Iron_Tail_%28move%29 Iron Tail], a Steel-type attack, for use on the Rock/Ground-type Liquid (Steel is super effective against Rock).<ref name="Sonichu9Page80">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/67/SchuComic9P80.jpg page 80]</ref> This is stolen, again, from Pikachu, who learned the same move so the writers could let Ash battle Roxanne (and other Rock-types) without breaking the rules of the game. The difference is that leading up to the battle, an episode was spent to show Pikachu learning the move. It is to be noted that in the video games, Pikachu is able to learn this move through the use of an item.
* Human characters from the Pokémon franchise have also been plagiarized into Sonichu. The most prominent example is [[Giovanni]], the leader of Team Rocket who serves as the main villain in ''[[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]'' and also makes brief appearances in ''[[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]'' and ''[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]''. [[Wikipedia:Professor Oak|Professor Oak]] is also mentioned both within the comic<ref name="Sonichu1Page7">[[Sonichu 1]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/b/b1/SchuComic1P7.jpg page 7]</ref> and on the CWCipedia<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" /> though he is never actually seen.

==See also==
* [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]
* [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|''Pokémon TCG'']]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 1]]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]
[[Category:Television shows]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Pokémon

2016-08-29T05:32:18Z

Res:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|thumb|right|OH BOY! SLAM ATTACK, YA'LL!]]

[[File:486-CWCcatchesaPikachu.JPG|thumb|Chris [[Attraction sign|seeks out]] a Pikachu.]]

'''''Pokémon''''' (spelled '''Pok'emon''' by [[Chris]]) is one of [[Nintendo]]'s greatest creations, a Japanese cultural phenomenon that is beloved by children around the world, and a multimedia franchise encompassing [[video games]], [[card games]], [[toys]], various [[anime]] series, and much, much more.

It is also beloved by [[autistics]] all over the world, and a certain person named Christian Weston Chandler happens to be one of them.

==Chris-chan in the ''Pokémon'' World==
Chris, according to the "[[Sonichu]]" article on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia], sees himself as an official Pokémon gym leader. He claims to have over 387 Pokémon leveled-up to level 100 on his ''Pokémon Diamond'' game, all of them being trained without any kind of cheating or Rare Candies. It's not certain whether this is truth; however, given the fact he owns [[List of Chris's games|every ''Pokémon'' game]] and game system, has no life at all, and has paid off several mortgages in ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' (a feat requiring hundreds of hours of gameplay), it may very well be true.

As the leader of the [[CWCville]] Pokémon Gym, Chris has a fairly unimaginative team:
:* [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] - A [[Parody|recolor]]
:* [[Anime|Inuyasha]] - A [[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]
:* [[Gregg Mays|Greg]] - A [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]
:* [[Chris and his Ego|Christina]] - A [[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]]
:* [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]] - A [[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] (note that Gardevoir is seen as a sex symbol in Pokémon furry rings)
:* [[Random-access humor|Bagoner]] - A [[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]]

==Pokémon characters in the ''Sonichu'' universe==
===Pokémon appearing within the comics===
====[[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]]====
[[File:Pika.PNG|thumb|Poor Pikachu - he did not know the horrors fate had in store for him.]]
Transformed into [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Despite the importance to ''Sonichu'' "lore", this is basically the only time a Pikachu appears or is mentioned in the comic. From this point on, it's all just shitty recolors of Chris's first shitty recolor.

====[[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]]====
Transformed into [[Rosechu]] by the [[Rainbow]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], otherwise the same deal as Pikachu.

====[[Wikipedia:Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]]====
[[File:DD.PNG|thumb|Kel with her Dragonite.]]
A Dragonite [[Kel]] also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu sensibly declined, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]".

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0|issue #0]] (Episodes #2 and #3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter.

====[[Wikipedia:Zapdos|Zapdos]]====
[[Image:Zapdos.jpg|thumb|Zapdos is not amused with Chris's faggotry.]]
An Electric-type [[Pokémon]] and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of [[Black Sonichu]].

====[[Wikipedia:Raikou|Raikou]]====
[[Image:CWCSTRIPES.jpg|thumb|right|Oh the narcissism.]]
Used by [[Naitsirhc]] as a getaway ride in the same episode. Has stripes that spell out "[[CWC]]".

====[[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]====
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects. On the other hand, she may have rightly tried to drop a coconut on his head.

====[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]====
[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu...[[Chris and art|we think.]]]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother (a pairing that couldn't have produced offspring) or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such. Scyther cannot actually learn the move Razor Leaf in the video games.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "Cut-Sharp" Clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes."<ref name="Sonichu8Page9">[[Sonichu 8]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/a/a1/SchuComic8P14.jpg page 9]</ref>

The [[CWCipedia]] [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild+Sonichu#The_Father_is_Captured article on Wild] gives a slightly different version of the Scyther's capture. In this telling, Wild and his father were scanning the forest for predators rather than trying to seek revenge on the Charmeleons. When Wild detected poachers, the Scyther went on to attack them but was captured in the process, leading to the same ending in which the other version of the story concluded.

====[[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]====
A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/e/e9/SchuComic3P4.jpg page 4]</ref> Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/62/SchuComic3P5.jpg page 5]</ref>

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] has a Swampert in his possession called Greg which he used in his battles against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" /> Its male name suggests it is not the same Swampert who raised Bubbles, as the latter is explicitly referred to as a female both in the comic<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> and in Bubbles own CWCipedia article.<ref name="Bub cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Wailord|Boulder-Dropping Whale]]====
[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder-Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who summoned a boulder out of the sky. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu,<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Chris stated several times <ref name="Bub cpedia" /><ref name="CWCblog">[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref><ref>[[Sonichu 3 Official Videobook]]</ref> that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics, such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], which featured only Pokémon sea creatures and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Rock_Tomb_%28move%29 Rock Tomb]", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. However, Chris has claimed that the the boulder was in fact "attached to the Wailord's underbelly, like barnicles ''[sic]''", and fell off not due to murderous intent, but simply gravity<ref>[[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|Common Questions]].</ref>.

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a [[troll|fan]] favorite, and was prominent in the [[parody]] series ''[[Moon-Pals]]''.

Chris also stated that Boulder-Dropping Whale had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight in the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer.<ref name="CWCblog" />

====[[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]]====
[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|right|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first ''Pokémon'' feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan|Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that [[Reldnahc]] had a Mewtwo on his Pokémon team.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> It can be assumed that this is the same one, although how this came to pass has never been explained.

====[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]====
[[File:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|A wild [[Barb|Snorlax]] in repose.]]
A Snorlax briefly appeared in Christian's "Backyard Safari" [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1,500 pounds]] (681 kg) and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Obesity|How ironic]] for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops.

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

Snorlax is also infamously an affectionate name coined by trolls towards [[Barb]].

====[[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]====
Served as inspiration for [[Jiggliami]], an "original" character created by [[Blanca]]. Appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]]. A Jigglypuff also made out with the Pikachu who would later evolve into Sonichu.<ref name="Son cpedia" />

====Miscellaneous water Pokémon====

The Pokémon [[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle]], [[Wikipedia:Mudkip|Mudkip]], [[Wikipedia:Seadra|Seadra]], [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]], [[Wikipedia:Corsola|Corsola]], [[Wikipedia:Octillery|Octillery]], [[Wikipedia:Mantine|Mantine]], and [[Wikipedia:Corphish|Corphish]] all appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

====[[Wikipedia:Flaaffy|Flaaffy]]====
Appears as [[Layla Flaaffy]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/8/87/SchuComic9P7.jpg page 7]</ref> It should be noted that Layla was not intended at all to be a Pokémon by her [[Ivy|creator]]; Chris merely decided her to be one after she was brought by him into the comics.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Layla and Punchy]]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Sneasel|Sneasel]]====
Appears as [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7" />

====[[Wikipedia:Tauros|Tauros]]====

During the Dating Ed Episode Reginald tries to drive a wedge between Punchy and Layla by claiming that Layla is a lesbian, averse to the color red and that her father is a Tauros.<ref name="Sonichu9Page15">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic9P15.jpg Page 15]</ref> In the next page we are told that Punchy had checked those rumors, most of which "were verified false."<ref name="Sonichu9Page16">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/7/77/SchuComic9P16.jpg Page 16]</ref> Interpreting that statement would literally mean that at least one of Reginald's allegation was true, and since Layla is neither a lesbian nor hates red we can presume that she was indeed fathered by a Tauros. He is never seen nor mentioned otherwise.

====[[Wikipedia:Nidoking|Nidoking]]====
Used by Naitsirhc to battle [[Bionic]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page85">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/0/07/SchuComic9P85.jpg page 85]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]]====
After entering the [[Asperchu]] universe in [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] learns from its inhabitants that all the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in the Asperchu comics are descended from [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s Ditto and a single Sonichu.<ref name="Sonichu10Page57">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2d/SchuComic10P57.jpg page 57]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Voltorb|Voltorb]]====
Used by Alec Benson Leary to murder [[Simonla Rosechu]] via Explosion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

====[[Wikipedia:Sandslash|Sandslash]]====
[[Simonla]] was raised by two Sandslashes after the egg from which she hatched landed in their cave.<ref name="Simon cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu Simonla]</ref><ref name="Sonichu10Page67">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/c0/SchuComic10P67.jpg page 67]</ref> After Simonla's death, the two Sandslashes are said by [[Magi-Chan]] to have become involved in their granddaughter [[Sandy]]'s training; the Sandslash seen with Sandy in Sonichu 10 is probably one of them.<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]====

A Blaziken called Inuyasha is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> It might also be the same Blaziken seen training with [[Sandy]] in [[Sonichu 10]].<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

[[Marvey Blaziken]] is apparently also a Blaziken, despite his white and blue coloring and that somehow he can talk.

====[[Wikipedia:Meowth|Meowth]]====

A female Meowth called Lilith acts as [[Ivy]]'s bridesmaid in the [[Wedding Comic]].<ref>[[Wedding Comic|Sonichu Special 2]], [[:File:SchuComicSP2P3.jpg|Page 3]]</ref> Her creator is listed by Chris as "Sen-Chan", who would later on be revealed as a friend of Ivy in [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special#Part 6: #3|KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] when Chris dedicated to her a video featuring a drawing of Lilith (which was probably made by Sen-Chan herself). This drawing would be featured once more in the [[Good Fan Art]] gallery Chris uploaded to the CWCipedia.

===Pokémon not appearing within the comics===

Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of the Pokémon who have been revealed in this manner to have participated in the plot of Sonichu include:

*[[Wikipedia:Chansey|Chansey]]/[[Wikipedia:Blissey|Blissey]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Chansey during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Stephanie the Blissey.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charmander]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed, Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Sandshrew and a Charmander against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Dratini|Dratini]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Dratini during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into [[Pokémon#David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] - A Gardevoir called Vanessa is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possesion. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Geodude, Graveler, and Golem|Geodude/Golem]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Geodude during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Lauren the Golem.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Gyarados|Gyarados]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> According to the CWCipedia a [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Red_Gyarados Red Gyarados] called Shred is one of the Pokémon in [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Ho-Oh|Ho-Oh]] - Mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Jolteon|Jolteon]] - According to the Rosechu's CWCipedia article, a Jolteon named Sparks was a part of Chris's Pokémon team during his battle with Kel.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> On Sonichu's CWCipedia article, on the other hand, Sonichu is the sixth member of Chris's team during said battle while Sparks is nowhere mentioned.<ref name="Son cpedia" /> It should be noted that the first [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&diff=4242&oldid=4241 revision of the article on Sonichu mentioning the battle] was written on [[August 2009]], while the article on Rosechu was written on [[February 2010]]; the inconsistency between the two versions of the story is probably due to one of them being written long after the other.
*[[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Lapras during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer, which she named Tiffany.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Luxray|Luxray]] - While he made no appearances in the comics, the CWCipedia states that Rosechu was fathered by a male Luxray and a female Raichu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> The Luxray's main role in young Rosechu's life appears to have been defending her from enemy Pokémon and teaching her how to do so. In 1996 the Luxray became sick and his Raichu wife decided to stay by his bedside rather than look out for their daughter, giving Pokémon trainers the perfect opportunity to capture her. The Luxray quickly gave up on finding his daughter, who doesn't seem to have given much of a fuck about this whole thing either.
*[[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] - Does not appear in the comics but was obviously Sonichu's and Roeschu's first form. According to the [[CWCipedia]], the Pokémon who would become Sonichu was a Pichu from 1988 until 1994.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> Rosechu CWCipedia article states that she was still a Pichu when captured in 1996 and already a Raichu in 1998, the year in which she became Rosechu;<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> it can therefore be inferred that she evolved into a Pikachu somewhere in between those times.
*[[Wikipedia:Porygon|Porygon]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon2|Porygon2]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon-Z|Porygon-Z]] - Chris, as part of his role as the CWCville gym leader, owns several of these Pokémon.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Ponyta and Rapidash|Ponyta/Rapidash]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Ponyta during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Ashley the Rapidash.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]] - A Salamence called Bagoner is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Sandshrew|Sandshrew]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Charmander and a Sandshrew against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]] - A Sceptile called Christina is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Tyranitar|Tyranitar]] - A Tyranitar named Dark Bite is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (252–319)#Vigoroth|Vigoroth]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (320–386)#Zangoose|Zangoose]] - A Pokémon trainer working for Professor Oak utilized a Zangoose to capture the Pichu who would become Rosechu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />

==Plagiarism in ''Sonichu''==
Despite the fact that Chris primarily uses Pokémon in his series, not only is he not above using the characters, he's also not above using various ''ideas'' from the series. Amongst those include:

*In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] says that he "[could] use pants."<ref name="Sonichu3Page14">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/3/37/SchuComic3P14.jpg page 14]</ref> This is ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Pokémon: The Movie 2000|''Pokémon: The Movie 2000'']] when the Pokémon [[wikipedia:Slowking|Slowking]], freezing due to the weather changes, wishes for a pair to keep himself warm.
* Despite "not being a Pokémon,"<ref name="Sonichu3Page13">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2a/SchuComic3P13.jpg page 13]</ref> Flame uses Pokémon attack [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Drill_Peck_%28move%29 Drill Peck] in his one notable appearance.<ref name="Sonichu3Page16">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic3P16.jpg page 16]</ref> Speculation abounds, but it could be that Chris assumes that "Pokémon rules" apply to all intelligent mystical animals the way anyone with a guitar can pull off solo specials from ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.
* In [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], [[Kacey]]'s sister wears similar clothes to those of [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Candice Candice], one of the 4th Generation gym leaders.
* In the biography for [[Rosechu]], it is mentioned that [[Kel]] ended up getting the Pichu who'd become Rosechu because she missed out on getting Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> This is a ripoff of how Ash Ketchum got Pikachu, except for the fact that Ash and Pikachu didn't hit it off until Pikachu saw how far Ash would go to protect it.
* In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Sonichu inexplicably knows [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Iron_Tail_%28move%29 Iron Tail], a Steel-type attack, for use on the Rock/Ground-type Liquid (Steel is super effective against Rock).<ref name="Sonichu9Page80">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/67/SchuComic9P80.jpg page 80]</ref> This is stolen, again, from Pikachu, who learned the same move so the writers could let Ash battle Roxanne (and other Rock-types) without breaking the rules of the game. The difference is that leading up to the battle, an episode was spent to show Pikachu learning the move. It is to be noted that in the video games, Pikachu is able to learn this move through the use of an item.
* Human characters from the Pokémon franchise have also been plagiarized into Sonichu. The most prominent example is [[Giovanni]], the leader of Team Rocket who serves as the main villain in ''[[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]'' and also makes brief appearances in ''[[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]'' and ''[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]''. [[Wikipedia:Professor Oak|Professor Oak]] is also mentioned both within the comic<ref name="Sonichu1Page7">[[Sonichu 1]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/b/b1/SchuComic1P7.jpg page 7]</ref> and on the CWCipedia<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" /> though he is never actually seen.

==See also==
* [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]
* [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|''Pokémon TCG'']]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 1]]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]
[[Category:Television shows]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris and sex

2016-08-22T01:04:25Z

Res: removed incoherent and pointless additions and insults

{{Honest}}

[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky''') as well as '''gender''', mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, a sheltered upbringing, and the twisted, disjointed worldview he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex and gender==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

===[[Chris and gender|Gender in general]]===
Similar to [[Chris and religion|the topic of faith]], Chris's actual beliefs on gender are more complex than his stated beliefs. Over his life, he has developed a burning hatred of males [[JERKS#The list of males Chris doesn't hate|in general]], not unlike [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Aeverine_Nieves another autistic on] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] noted for his/her similarities to Chris. This likely spirals back to his bullying by other boys at school, not to mention the fact that Chris is known to fly into fits of [[Chris and his ego|jealous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] whenever he sees [[Liquid Chris|a man more successful than him]], especially if [[Clyde Cash|that]] [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|man]] [[Wes Iseli|is getting some]] and he isn't. Inversely, whenever trolls invented a [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] for him, Chris would make [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|childish YouTube videos]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|wherein he would gloat]] to their supposed exes. Chris's infantile, jealousy-driven hatred of his own gender has even led him to label [[JERKS|all men]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|"barbarian[s]"]]. This bizarre view may also have contributed to his [[Tomgirl|decision to cross-dress]].

Inversely, Chris repeatedly asserts his reverence of women, and seems to have a comparatively glowing opinion of them, stating that he finds women "empathetic". But, as stated at the beginning of the section, the truth is more complicated. While Chris has always preferred female friends, and is known to be far more accommodating of lesbians than gay men, even going so far as to [[Chris and reality|identify as one himself]], in truth, Chris has a distinctly sexist view of [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. By all accounts, Chris seems to place all women into one of two categories - organic [[Officer Nasty|sex]] [[Kimmi|toys]] who exist to submit to his every desire, or [[Barb|mother]] [[Gal-pals|figures]] who exist to dote on him, keep his child-like, responsibility-free lifestyle sustainable, and nurse his wounded [[ego]] whenever the need arises.

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. This seems to be hyperbole, but considering Chris' abysmal knowledge of the sciences, it is difficult to be sure.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical straight and non-straight behavior, too, insisting he is straight even as he acts like a stereotypical mincing, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]] transsexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks "gay" is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

As of 2015, Chris has stated his preference for female pronouns, going so far as to dub himself "Christine Weston Chandler" on his Facebook. As of 11 February, 2015, Chris has started signing the medallions he sells on eBay with this name. From this it can be inferred that he was using the tomgirl label as a stepping stone into full blown transsexualism. Whether or not Chris is legitimately transsexual remains to be seen. As it is unlikely he will ever willingly see a therapist regarding his gender issues (or [[Chris and psychology|any]] [[Chris and anger|other]] [[Chris and health|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|his]] [[Chris and reality|issues]] for that matter), we may never have a definitive answer.

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature, or a combination thereof.

==Staying straight==
{{see also|Homos#Fear of being a homo|l1=Fear of being a homo}}

==Is Chris asexual?==
Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hug machine|hugbox]] inventor Temple Grandin chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). This could explain some of Chris's views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is something all men need to experience in order to become complete adults.

As the act of sexual intercourse and relationships in general are fairly social activities, it's quite possible that Chris views the act of losing his virginity as something of a rite of passage--something he needs to do in order to validate his own sexuality and prove to the world that he's a capable "adult". Chris also fails to realize that relationships are give and take. Every sweetheart that Chris has had, which eventually turned out to be a troll involved long, received relentless emails and calls in which Chris prattled on and on about how much he "loved" them and how he was looking forward to finally having sex. After supposedly losing his virginity, it's unknown if he still craves sexual intercourse as much as he did before. One thing is still certain, however, is that he still fervently desires the attention of a sweetheart.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "asexual" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and missed her point completely).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2" />

However, considering Chris's incessant shoehorning of entirely unnecessary sex into the comics, and the ludicrous efforts he goes to to get some [[China]], he does seem to possess sexual desire - though not necessarily for women, as these things could simply be part of his efforts to disprove his much-feared [[homosexuality]].

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris is actually prejudiced against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>
{{-}}

==Prostitution==
Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris' leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]].

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible, <ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true. <ref> [[http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]]</ref>

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever". Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s).". All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which begs the question about whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].
====Transcript====
I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also doesn't have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Tomgirl|female]] enough or [[Chris and his ego|attractive]] enough that [[Chris and reality|a man would want to rape him.]]

==Sexting==
[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and music

2016-08-22T01:03:05Z

Res: don't edit pointlessly

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about.]]
[[File:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|thumb|[[Chris's Big Night Out|Sonichu's still rockin' in my head!]]]]

[[Chris]]'s taste in '''music''' is eclectic, confusing, and awe-inspiring. His favorite acts range from generic 2000s teen pop, to '70s hard rock. Pretty much everything Chris says he's a fan of comes from ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Rock Band]]'', [[Borb|his parents]]' record collection, or stuff he's heard from [[television]] and film--and even then, Chris can't remember [[Rebel Girl|lyrics]], [[Lovin' You|melodies]], or even [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the instruments used]] in his favorite songs.

==Musical tastes==
[[File:LeeclipsenueNegative.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is into noise music now?]]
[[File:Negative_booklet_innards.jpg|thumb|right|Holy fucking shit.]]

Chris has often remarked that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|3]] [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|horrible]] [[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD|albums]] was a top 40 hit in America or another country, or otherwise a deep cut on a successful album. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This meant that he both enjoyed the background music and was totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Z95.1 WQMZ]] from [[Charlottesville]], which plays nothing but inoffensive popular songs you're likely to hear in the dentist's office. The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for [[Tomgirl|women]]."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[Greene County Conspiracy|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only specific artist Chris seems to truly idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because of her beauty than her music. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong in an effort to look like a [[Bob Chandler|sophisticated jazz listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'', ''Rock Band'', or ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'' game. This adds yet more [[Obesity|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3|rhythm games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most kids are [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|unaware]] [[Ghostbusters|of]] or [[Red Skelton|would]] [[I Love Lucy|not]] [[Gilligan's Island|enjoy]], Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s upbeat 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]", a dated but memorable reggae-pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says that [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|relieving yourself]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no utterly elaboration at all, that he had "a lot to live for" and told said fan to go listen to the song.

Chris has also expressed a fondness for [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing [[Hello, Juffalo|two]] [[JuggaloShoutOut|videos]] in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually [[slow-in-the-minds|idiotic]], [[Chris and health|out-of-shape]], [[Ruckersville|white-trash]] dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.

On 2 [[February 2015]], Chris revealed that he drew the artwork to the album ''Negative'' by L'eclipse Nue. L'eclipse Nue is an obscure [[wikipedia:Harsh noise|harsh noise]] act, whose music largely consists of ear-piercing screeches and low rumbling sounds--quite inaccessible for our Britney Spears-loving hero. Given his [[26 December 2014|more]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|recent]] [[28 October 2011|activities]], one could assume that Chris has taken to a rebellious lifestyle that includes subjecting himself to a hugely divisive form of music that most people would consider [[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)|audio torture]]. However, the far more likely explanation is that Chris was contacted by the artist, who wanted to <s>piggyback off Chris's online infamy</s> give Chris a chance to shine during this low point in his life. Chris gave a brief review of the album, claiming that it reminded him of "[[My Little Pony|Pinkie Pie]] playing a [[wikipedia:Theremin|theramin]] [sic]", and stating that he could "sense the emotions and depressions expressed behind the music". Chris has almost certainly not listened to the album.

The cover booklet in the special-edition physical release of the album reveals that the entire album was focused around the cruddy picture Chris had drawn for them, along with a description of the piece.

{{quotebox|"I have seen into the torment of the deceased woman;
she may have had a life's career if posing nude for art,
as well as offering herself to the numerous artists.
[[Autism|Take from that what you will.]]
And now she haunts the number of artists and photographers
who did really wrong her in her life."}}

Dan states in the booklet that;

{{quotebox|"The sounds herein were created in order to illustrate that story.
This album is a soundtrack to Christian's [[art]]."}}

Therein this whole album, and every sound in it, is inspired entirely by Chris's art.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "[[Wikipedia:Can't Fight This Feeling|Can't Fight This Feeling]]". The [[100 2189|third time]] he announced his [[Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|leaving from the internet]], he chose, of all songs, Colbie Caillat's "[[Wikipedia:Fallin' for You (Colbie Caillat song)|Fallin' for You]]" as background music--although this most likely was just him leaving the radio on in the background.

In [[I Love You, Catherine|more]] [[To Mr. Smith|recent]] [[Brushfire Video|videos]], Chris has taken to playing sappy 1950s orchestral music in the background, stuff you'd likely hear on [[wikipedia:Sirius XM|Sirius XM]]'s [[wikipedia:Spa (Sirius XM)|Spa]] channel. This appears to be an attempt to garner sympathy given his recent difficulties in life, or it could just be yet another acquired taste from his parents.

==Singing==
{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"''You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn''"]]

It is impossible to overstate how much of a terrible singer Chris is. It is similarly impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront Liquid via artistic competition, he lost [[SingStar Challenge|a challenge that he nominated himself]].

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, as well as the only album from [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]], he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental-only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing "[[Sonichu Zip]]", a song that uses the Japanese theme song to the anime ''Sonic X'', "Sonic Drive". The fast tempo and lyrics of "Sonic Drive" result in Chris rapidly dissolving into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf; his [[Speech impediment|voice]] fluctuates in pitch with little to no regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Tenor#Tenor_buffo_or_Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]], a pitch range octaves above the bass range he claims to have, and a tessitura (note range) too high for many ''[[Gal-Pals|women]]''.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with tempo and entries. While the songs he's written usually manage to match the originals in terms of lyrical rhythms, Chris often pushes ahead or pulls back from the tempo of the song. This is sometimes done deliberately by singers and is called ''rubato'', but in Chris's case it is generally the result of messing up lyrics or having too many or few words for the rhythm ([[Chris and Writing|usually the former]]), and Chris's tenuous sense of pulse means that once he gets thrown offbeat he struggles (usually in vain) to recover. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice or revise, but since this entails work it is flatly out of the question. Also owing to this nonexistent practice ethic is Chris being completely terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because the repetition makes it the only part of the song he pays attention to. Between choruses, however, he often forgets the words and improvises lyrics, which invariably consist of mumbled incoherent nonsense.

===A capella===
A musical technique which entails using nothing but the human voice (and sometimes the body) to produce music. In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what one can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a mid-30 year-old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his ''Sonic''/''Pokémon'' crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" by Europe while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]], and an equally-as-awful version of Q Lazzarus's "Goodbye Horses" while [[It's not that cold|pretending to dig up his dead dog and wear it as a coat]]. And let's not forget "Lovin' You", where he attempts to do a capella, but thanks to a sheer lack of practice, simply ends up massacring a Minnie Riperton classic by singing it completely out of tune.

Despite his frequent use of a capella, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video, which Chris vehemently claimed was a violation of the rules regarding backing tracks. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the popularity of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]], [[wikipedia:Macklemore|Macklemore]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. Some of these individuals demonstrate impressive talent in their ability to flow on a beat. Chris is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result can best be described as sounding like a drunk Muppet being startled every 30 seconds; Chris slurring his words together constantly and periodically yelling lyrics for no reason.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't So give me the PSP, Unwrap the wrapper So I can give one to her, And then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This, however, was nothing compared to a later foray into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy! And you still chicken, you's a dang coward! You wanna come fight me? Come fight me in person Come out from behind the camera, you fool!|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would rap once again to Insane Clown Posse's side-project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper to unconvincing effect. During a portion of the video he simply mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo Juffalo], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related glam rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens [[Cakefarts|the effects of these vitamins]] to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger raping a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs.

==Instruments==
[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|**clickclickclick** It's like I'm playing real guitar, y'all!]]
[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The (only) other instrument Chris's good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit.|[[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail|''Guitar Hero'' controller]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu (comic)|"creations"]] are [[Things Chris has ripped off|copies of other things]], yet are still [[Chris and copyright|somehow completely original]]. So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his autistic mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song, no matter if the song is a cover of the original, which necessitates a legitimate instrument on which to play it.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the SingStar Challenge.

{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.|Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to Sonic the Hedgehog, but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of autism, as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp, which in turn would affect recognition of pitch changes in music.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[tugboat]] could tug in, while he sings with his unique voice. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that [[Chris and his ego|everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone]], just like his art.
* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version/cover.
* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect...[[The Simpsons|d'oh]], who are we kidding?

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free, many of which come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Music]]

Chris and English

2016-08-22T01:00:43Z

Res:

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor [[Computer|this]].]]

{{quote|I No Socialize Online.|Chris's strangely appropriate [[PSN]] comment.}}

[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things he believes he's mastered, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.unstrange.com/dsm1.html Unstrange Minds :: Diagnostic Criteria for Autistic Disorder through the years]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older, presumably due to his increased isolation, which has affected his English in general.

==[[CWC-isms]]==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading or listening will be able to understand exactly what he means. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]". He also tends to re-appropriate existing words and phrases, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[Semen|comeuppance]] isn't a fitting outcome for someone's deeds, and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like the definite article "da", Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive desperately grasping for credibility. Other famous CWC-isms like "[[tobacky]]", "[[niggos]]", and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form an unholy trifecta that defines his speech. With the constant stream of half-words and repetition, it is sometimes difficult to understand what exactly he is talking about. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best; the words he uses are English, but the structure is far from proper. The fact that his vocabulary is a bit lacking only compounds the situation.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, but instead only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances", and that he cannot spell it. Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is staggeringly [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]] given that, as aforementioned, he often ascribes his own, nonsensical meanings to existing words and phrases.

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly [[Chris and his Ego|how self-centered he is]]. While the whole purpose of language is to communicate thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn his vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech. His grammar is also, predictably, abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|fingering]] as "outtercourse",<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between". (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

Chris often misuses punctuation in many ways, with comedic results. In particular, he tends not to use hyphens when they're needed, but for some reason also add hyphens where they ''aren't'' needed, such as in his stock phrase "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]". Clearly he means that he wants to create a relationship from the "ground up". A literal interpretation, though, means he wants to create a girlfriend from something that's been ground up--dirt, cinnamon, pepper, etc. Another prominent example is him writing "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

Because Chris feels the need to type things precisely as he would say them, and worries that he will be misunderstood in print, he makes heavy usage of repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style, comparable to the style used in comic books and graphic novels, which have no doubt influenced him. He also tends to Capitalize Words At Random, especially Nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying, Similar to the Old Grammatical Laws of the Middle [[Pre-1980#Pre-1900|1800's]]. Also owing to his highly recitative manner of writing, he often adds letters to words to emphasize them. While this on its own is not something unique to Chris, most other people would write "sooo" instead of "so", for example. Chris, however, would only add one "o" to make "soo", which is rather amusing when read phonetically as it makes him sound like a stereotypical [[Tomgirl|effeminate]] [[Homos|homosexual]].

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality Homosexuality] on CWCipedia</ref>}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like a child, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he'll often veer off topic in order to babble about [[Random-access humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading, or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences, and a copious amount of text in general (especially in the comics). A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would mean he's not telling the whole truth. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is.

Chris has demonstrated particular ineptitude in his usage of semicolons. Semicolons are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, and whatever succeeds a semicolon should be pertinent to whatever immediately preceded it. Chris, however, uses them to crudely string together two (or more) tangentially-related thoughts into a sentence that is consequently incoherent to anyone and which causes confusion as to what Chris even means in the first place.. Chris also frequently misuses the semicolon in character dialogue, using it where he should use a full stop (period) or something else entirely.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

It is well-known that Chris has trouble with simple spelling, as evidenced by all the "''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic sic]''" tags scattered around the CWCki. Despite the myriad of other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He has many rigid, totally consistent habits which he never corrects, such as substituting "ein" for "eni", as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Chris often spells difficult words phonetically, like a grade-school child still learning literacy, for example spelling "caricature" as "characiture", rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling.

Long after fans discovered his comics, it was realized that the term "[[Anchuent Prophecy|Anchuent]]" is supposed to be a pun, and not just another instance of Chris's butchery of the English language resulting from "u" and "i" being adjacent on the QWERTY keyboard, as most had originally assumed. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so copiously evidenced that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes unnoticed for ''years''.

In 2014, when he started dating the British-affiliated [[Catherine]], Chris arbitrarily began to use British spellings, especially of the word "colour," since this was particularly relevant to his [[Sonic Boom Protests|protest du jour]]. By March 2015, he was still using these spellings, using the dumb excuse that he was of [[Daniel Weston|British ancestry]].

===Typos===
[[Image:Sonichu_Typos.jpg|thumb|left|More perfect spelling from <s>Mr</s> [[Tomgirl|Miss]] Chandler.]]

The above spelling problem is only compounded by Chris's constant typos. The very first page of the comic contains the word [[Sonichu 0|"mies"]] in place of "miles". And even when he edits pages that contain these mistakes and has a chance to fix them, he invariably misses them a second time, like [[Sonichu 7|"dood"]] instead of "good" in issue seven.

The fact that these typos exist only goes to prove that Chris does not bother to proofread his works even a single time after completion and prior to uploading them to the Internet. And assuming that he has read his own comic at some point or another, and that someone '''must''' have drawn his attention to these mistakes at some point, the only logical conclusion is that Chris can not be bothered to go back and fix these typos even when he is aware of them.

===Definitions and Vocabulary===
Chris has a very bad habit of not knowing what he's talking about, and this is readily observable in his '''vocabulary'''. Chris still believes the word "[[naïve]]" means stupid, and thus hates being called it. Naïve, in simple terms, means "ignorance or gullibility because of a lack of experience". Therefore, this word accurately describes Chris because he doesn't do anything, and because of that he's gullible and ignorant. Another word Chris throws around with wild abandon is "slander". Chris constantly calls his [[ED]] page and the [[CWCki]] slanderous. Slander is defamation. Defamation is the destruction of reputation or character through manipulation of video, photographic, and audio evidence. Libel is like slander, but is defamation through writing.

There's two things wrong with Chris's use of slander. His ED page and the CWCki consist of more written material than videos, photographs and audio, so if it was anything it would be libel. The other is that the ED page and CWCki are neither slander nor libel, because nothing on them is manipulated and everything on them is [[True and Honest|true]], and backed up with evidence provided by none other than Chris himself.

Related to his choice of vocabulary, Chris has an issue with using terms that, while technically meaning similar things, have different tones. This is perhaps most evident in [[Sonichu 10]], where Chris uses the term "bearing false witness" multiple times. In the context Chris uses the term, he's simply using it as an alternate way of saying "lying" or "misrepresenting", as the Biblical term is often simplified when explaining the Ten Commandments to children. Chris fails to realize that the term is more or less exclusively associated with the Bible and using it when discussing himself makes the characters sound like they're referring to Chris as their god, although [[Chris and Religion#Delusions of Godhood?|this may have]] [[Ego|been intentional]]. Likewise, the Asperchu characters claim to have been forced to "make a false idol of the brown-shirted one" even though in Asperchu, the protagonists merely respect their creator, rather than worship him. Again, the use of Biblical terminology makes the whole thing seem even more narcissistic.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim, which does little except to gradually annoy whoever he's addressing. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up." This clunky phrasing is reiterated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He makes copious usage of his "joke" that "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as having "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump," most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]]. During the [[2008]] election, Bob joked to Chris that Obama would paint the White House black if he was elected. Chris [[Autism|seemed to take this literally]], and years later, he still occasionally talks about the President repainting the White House.

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his autism for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be the product of his autism — other possibilities include that:
* Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so "successfully", he tends to reuse what he knows is (or believes to be) a working formula.
* Chris mistakenly thinks his peculiar constructions are funny and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
* Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
* Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====
Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies all of his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, it'll often fly straight over his head, and accordingly he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough--it's got 'new' and 'address' in it."

For more blatant examples, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand. Also, when listing a hunk-of-shit TV on [[Craigslist]], he demands "CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. $250 or better offer; NO HAGGLE." which doesn't apply at all to something like an old TV, and directly contradicts his very own offer. Regarding "No haggle" or a "better offer", it's clear he has no clue what "haggle" even means. He most likely picked up the jargon from other entries on the site.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like", or "malevolent", an antonym of "benevolent"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical. A Facebook status reveals that, through unknown means, he has come to believe that "empirical" means "rejecting scientific methods of knowing," which is more or less the opposite of the word's actual meaning. Since his source for this is listed as Jeremy Hilary Boob, Ph.D., a character in ''[[Wikipedia:Yellow Submarine (film)|Yellow Submarine]]'', perhaps this odd idea came from content in the Beatles Edition of ''Rock Band''.

===Muddled-up Proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Honor roll|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4|Mumble #4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref name="CWCipedia past featured quotes">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Past_Featured_Quotes Past Featured Quotes] on CWCipedia</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref name="CWCipedia past featured quotes"/>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with the original phrase — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear to all, probably including Chris himself.

===Literal Interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons or hyperbole in general. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's Father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's Father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' Don't… Don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's Father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just healthy foods like vegetables (a blatant [[lie]], but that's beside the point). Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that Kacey's dad was trying to make gets lost in the sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris reach complete dead ends.

As the quote read in the [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm. Chris is no exception, and he is often unable to pick up sarcastic comments, as seen in the Guru Larry interview.<ref>[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]</ref>

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. His answers to questions are always spartan with no elaboration, and cannot distinguish the implied meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag #2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no". Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again." Chris probably took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now," and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This on its own is innocuous, as normal people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag #34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts".<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|''Sonichu'' Quiz #2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] begins with the "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic more usually seen in a TV series. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed the [[wikipedia: Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag #51]]</ref> even though the FCC has no authority over online or printed media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' 11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag #51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show.]]<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. "''For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic''].''"</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue #3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10|Mailbag #10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now," rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's autism, where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

He also tends to mix up similar words, for example, the time he confused [[Sonichu's Edge|free-running]] with [[wikipedia:Parkay|a brand of butter]].

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; before he assumed he was female, he almost always referred to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he was feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

Chris also has a habit of inventing new words by muddling the tense of existing ones. This often goes along with his previously-mentioned preference for somewhat odd word choices as he tries to force words into sentences they don't belong in. A good example would be be Chris's love of the word "crestfallen" that came about during the [[Sonic Boom Protests]]. While the word usually exists as a adjective, Chris uses it in a baffling progressive tense "to my dismay and crestfall."

==The Spoken Word==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, although that's not really saying much. He claims ad nauseam [[Song of Christian|the first word]] [[Autism Tutorial|he ever spoke]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu|was "monkey"]] at the age of six weeks, which is physically impossible. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uh", "hmm", and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also [[Speech impediment|tends to stutter and repeat himself]].

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|''Brutal Legend'']] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is [[Random-access humor|trying to be funny]].

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising.]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[:File:MyMindIsABlank.jpg|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit.]]}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|DyTRNU1ym-k}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|pCrLyR69cPM}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris seems to have realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated husk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his autism, but it is also related to his [[Random-access humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|"Smell Yo Duck"]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously nothing more than a comical exaggeration on his part, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]], as he has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly part of an effort by Chris to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to sporadically censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash,"<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Bugs_Bunny|BUGS BUNNY]] WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39|Mailbag #39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the X's are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch".) Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory abounds regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry Internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
* [[Speech Impediment]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[The High School Story]]
* [[Chris and writing]]
* [[Spanish]]
* Anything written on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]
* [[Manchester High Leaks#English|Chris's high school English homework]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Sylvana

2016-08-15T23:42:43Z

Res:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Silvana.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Silvana Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| Presumably at least 18 by Sonichu 8 (in universe)
21 February 2006 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female/Transgender
|-
| '''Length'''
| ???
|-
| '''Weight'''
| ???
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Count Graduon]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Dark
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosee]] (when unhappy with Quick Powder)
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}

[[Image:Silvana34.jpg|thumb|After obtaining a penis]]

'''Silvana''' is a shape-shifting [[Wikipedia:intersex|intersex]] [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] who first appeared in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' #7 and later played a major role in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

Her chief power is the ability to shapeshift into other people, as well as some psychic ability and her venomous genitalia. She was created by the same [[rainbow]] that made the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Her egg somehow ended up on [[The Moon|the Goddamn ''Moon'']], where she was raised by the evil [[Count Graduon]].

Silvana is a combination of four characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Wikipedia:Umbreon|Umbreon]]
*[[wikipedia:Villains_in_Power_Rangers_in_Space#Astronema|Astronema]] from ''[[Power Rangers]] in Space'' (an evil "space princess" with purple hair who was good, but raised to be evil by a [[Count Graduon|powerful villain]]. [[Magi-Chan|Other characters]] try to reform her to the side of good.)

==Biography==
Silvana was either named after an [[Gal-pal|acquaintance]] of [[Count Graduon]]'s named "Sylvia" or her first babblings; the comic is unclear. Count Graduon gave her the power of shape-shifting, a [[pickle|penis]] (which he named "The Grand Golden Rod"<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Count_Graduon Count Graduon] on [[CWCipedia]]. It should be noted that the article was authored by DariaCamacho, an alias of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Mao]], rather than Chris. However, shortly after the article's creation Chris edited it and removed only the last paragraph of the original text, suggesting he approves the rest of the article and sees it as canon.</ref>), the skills of seduction and the ability "[[Pokémon|oblivious]]". During Spring Break, Silvana transforms into [[Bubbles]] to have sex with [[Blake]]. When she has sex, she secretes a paralyzing venom which leaves Blake hospitalized. She later tried to seduce Bubbles as well, but [[Magi-Chan]] convinced her not to fuck the intersex [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]. What she actually intended to ''do'' after fucking and paralyzing everything in sight is never elaborated upon. It is believed that Silvana is meant to be a metaphor for the countless [[troll]]s who troll Chris by pretending to be hot women.

{{quote|...Silvana was among the first Troll-Inspired Characters; they gave me the idea to make her a hermaphrodite.|Chris on Silvana<ref>[[Jackie Chat 2]]</ref>}}

As of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris revealed that he plans on turning Silvana into a "full woman", and, as many trolls have repeatedly predicted, pairing her up with [[Homos|confirmed bachelor]] Magi-Chan. ''Sonichu'' #10 also shows Silvana "trolling" Chris in the guise of [[Meg Griffin]] (lending credence to the theory mentioned earlier about Silvana representing pretend females). It's also somewhat telling that Silvana didn't "troll" Chris this way ''before'' he had announced his plan to turn Silvana into a single-sex being.

According to [[Magi-Chan]]'s profile on the [[CWCipedia]], when Count Graduon's orb was shattered by [[Collosal Chan]], all of the wizard's magic had been undone, including Silvana's penile curse. It is said that, a week later, Magi-Chan confronted Silvana and she suddenly experienced love for the first time, telling Magi-Chan to let her sort out her feelings first before she chooses to be his [[sweetheart]] or not.

However, since Chris takes over half a year to churn out less than a few measly pages, we may never know the TRUE and HONEST outcome...

==The Original ''News Dash''==

[[Image:Cwcmail.png|right|thumb|200px|Chris-chan avoids explaining why she has a penis.]]

Chris writes:

<blockquote>“Recently, a black [[Rosechu]] came down from outer space in a fashionable space ship. She came down onto our Earth wreaking havoc by abducting the Sonichu Heroes. But in conjunction with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the Rosechus of Earth rescued all of them. In an interview with [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu, he said, “I’ve been communicating with her through telekinesis, and she sounded very lonesome. She said that she was a female [[Pikachu]] who was hit by a shining light from the Chaos [[Rainbow]].” The Chaos Rainbow was the rainbow made when Super Sonic collided with the Pikachu, on that fateful day in Station Square years ago. And when interviewed, the black Rosechu, who named herself, Silvana, she stated, “I abducted the Sonichus, because it was very lonesome on the moon, there were NO aliens there at all. And when I communicated with Magi-Chan, I was inspired to build my spacecraft with the remains of the shuttle that put me there in the first place<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.”</blockquote>

From this, we can assume that she was originally meant to be an avatar of Chris's loneliness. One can only imagine the pain Chris went through when circumstances forced him to corrupt her.

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Rosechu]], who also has a [[pickle]]
*[[Megagi La Skunk]]
*[[Niggos]]
*[[The Moon|The Motherfucking Moon]]
*[[Chris and music|Lady Gaga]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P19.htm Episode 18, with Silvana's Origins]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Rosechus]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2016-08-15T06:01:41Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Template:DeadLinks}}
{{quote|You're not gonna get a [[Girlfriend]], this way or any way.|Mary, as quoted by Chris.<ref>[[Chris emails 2007]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|Enough OLD [[Chris and anger|angst]] against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...|Chris, lying, in November 2007.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]]. Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]

'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] who maligned [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] in its early years by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign|Attraction Signs]] and eventually suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a whole year. She is one of the most important people in Chris's life, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his [[autism]] as an excuse for anything he wanted, and tried to make him act like a normal human being. This, of course, meant war.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still arguably the supreme villain in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in ''Sonichu'' [[fan]] fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early [[2009]], many years after the college suspension episode, Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh. He began with the [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam''', implying (and later stating outright) that the character was not related to the real Mary. For several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including sending a drawing to her house, but her only response was a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to [[Chris_and_remorse#Common_traits_of_a_CWC_apology|truly earn his forgiveness.]]

Chris' continued feud with Mary Lee Walsh is illustrative of his propensity to hold severe grudges over seemingly minor incidents. In late [[2013]], '''ten years''' after the August 2003 incident, Chris blamed Mary Lee Walsh in part for his continued decline in a series of [[Facebook]] ramblings, and referred to a [[Wal-Mart]] [[manajerk]] who banned him from the store as a "Mary Lee Walshing Witch Bitch."

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalshIRLnewsScreenCapture.JPG|thumb|left|Walsh during a TV interview.]]
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20101015023113/http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html] (archived on 15 October 2010)</ref>. She has also written a book<ref>http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Freshman-Experience-Creating-College-Success-Piedmont-Virginia-Community-College-by-Mary-L-Walsh-and-Mary-Lee-Walsh-2001-Paperback/2491824&tg=info</ref> about coping with college life, which perhaps unsurprisingly does not advocate attacking one's superiors with magical curses. Chris had first been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, but delivered the most crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[Attraction Sign]]; [[Chris and reality|according to Chris]], Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed ''at all''. However true this alleged statement may have been, there is virtually no chance Mary said it, as it would have been highly inappropriate and jeopardized her job.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings to stop posting his signs and continued to place this ad for his "love quest" in the main campus building. Walsh, taking umbrage at this clear defiance of her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. What exactly transpired during the meeting is a source of much debate, as the only accounts made public are written by Chris and thus heavily biased. What is known is that during the meeting, [[Chris and reality|Chris pretended to converse out loud with Sonichu]] (relaying what Sonichu "said" to her). Then, after what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he verbally attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|rage]], going so far as to hex her with the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref>. Chris was told in no uncertain terms that he couldn't continue his [[Love Quest]] on campus, prompting him to slander Walsh on his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|website]] and send her an attempt at an intimidating drawing<ref> [[Autism Papers]] </ref>. This little stunt got him banned from PVCC for a whole year, and forced to take [[Chris and anger|anger]] management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails#Chris got his degree for Cwcville|Jackie E-mails]]</ref> Any positive effects these may have are not evident.

===In his own words===

{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Niggos|Black]] impersonating [[Jerkop|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[JERKS|jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[Chris and religion|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[Scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
[[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Chris is willing to pick up his markers and make hideous porn of people that he hates.]]

Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris brooded and obsessed over his "HEART SHATTERING" defeat and began to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. As such, Walsh began to appear in a lot of Chris's works as a primary antagonist specifically opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, in regards to a comic which isn't meant to be about him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick. In an ingenious [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. Her sinister deeds are motivated by a [[Chris and Writing|totally unexplained]] hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only tactic is to send [[Jerkop|jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance (she needed Graduon's help for the later invasions). For no given reason, she considers Chris the most important target of her malign actions, and doesn't seem aware of the fact that true love occurs outside of CWCville as well.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Upon her introduction, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, yet Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once "shattered" his heart and she is inexplicably frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh represent the dual miseries of his becoming an adult--the trauma of graduating from his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his disastrous collegiate career. To combat Walsh's powerful new accomplice, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the original battle between a fat virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a horribly drawn Sonic OC and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror, Walsh threatens the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil, although Mary simply relocates to [[The High School Story|Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations. In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse, she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Mary seizes the opportunity and prepares to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil is finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when Chris uses the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroys Graduon's scepter and easily overpowers her, but instead of killing her (like he killed 100+ innocent people in that very issue) he paralyzes her (seemingly permanently) and sends her to jail.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is that she is to blame for almost everything that maligns Chris or CWCville, mirroring Chris's insane belief that the real-life Mary was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes. Even her conspirators are victims--virtually all of her Jerkops are simply brainwashed against their will, and even co-villain Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter. To labor the point even more, while Chris suggests that some of her followers have good in them and are capable of redemption, Mary herself is pure evil.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In an act of utmost subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch."''' A devious maneuver indeed--as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing. Nobody could possibly figure out the connection, unless of course they happened to see the notice posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page detailing the full extent of the name changes. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form, as that would require originality. The name is an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram,"''' which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards; in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw it.

In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled "TwoMarys"] in which he tried graspingly to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Apparently, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0, where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris had essentially created a paradox within his universe, having made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but because of the retcon Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years," but on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys "TwoMarys" page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{main|Soul Calibur}}

It is unclear whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the daylights out of her. Chris creates himself and many other real-life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he can take out his pent-up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest possible setting.

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began re-examining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia, to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on and drifts alarmingly far from reality, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research," detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, but Mary simply contacted his parents and told them to keep Chris off campus altogether.

From this action, Chris inferred that Mary didn't care about him or their relationship, and Chris was crushed. Also crushed were any hopes of reconciliation, as after this incident Chris soon reverted to precisely the same deranged mindset as before, once again imagining her as somehow orchestrating everything bad that happened to him.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==Grudge==
[[File:Sept13 Imgur 29.jpg|thumb|right|Voodoo [[LEGO]] Mary. Chris shakes this container and holds it upside down to torment her.]]
Chris's anger toward Mary Lee Walsh continues well over a decade since his [[Attraction Sign]] was torn down at [[PVCC]]. In a series of rambling [[Facebook]] postings made on 2 [[September 2013]], Chris began blaming various people for a temporary ban from [[Wal-Mart]], including Walsh:

{{quote|If it had not been for [[Michael Snyder|Mr. "Manajerk"]], [[Megan Schroeder]], and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, [[The GAMe PLACe|Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys]], My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!...And that [[Women's Rights|bitch]], Mary Lee Walsh, with a Cold Heart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for interfering with my Sweetheart Search, AND Banning me from PVCC!!!|Chris, Facebook, 2 September 2013}}

A few days later, when Chris was conclusively banned from Wal-Mart, he coined the term "Walshing," a verb that evidently means "not accepting autism as an excuse."

{{quote|I have just been intercepted by the "Lady" Manajerk...the bitch has followed the steps of Mr. Snyder now; banned me from the Wal-Mart closest to my own house...She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, Mary Lee Walshing, Witch Bitch!|Chris, Facebook, 6 September 2013}}

On 17 [[December 2014]], [[Apology Letters‎|an apology letter]] that Chris had written to Walsh in [[August 2014]] was leaked. True to form, Chris blames everything on factors supposedly beyond his control, and tries to be condescending and play the victim at the same time. He specifically tries to appease Mary for depicting her in his comic as a witch, operating on the presumption that a university administrator is gravely concerned with the way she is presented in DeviantArt-level Sonic OC garbage drawn by a fat [[Tomgirl|tranny]].

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by drawing Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon succubus who tempted Chris with her body (which he was sure to masturbate to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been "Rule 34" fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), usually wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots. In the ''Sonichu'' animated series by SpazKid, she was depicted as being physically sexy but having unflattering sexual desires and speaking with a man's voice.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be lotsa porno. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=3>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
Image:Mlw_avec_colour.PNG
Image:Lost 2010 Fan Art.jpg
</gallery>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Talk:July 2016 Paid Video Requests

2016-08-14T02:31:42Z

Res:

==The Future of this Page==

Assuming the weens continue to pay Chris (even months from now), won't this page become too large to manage? I'm reminded of [[Chris in the media]], which is horrendously sluggish to navigate through. --[[User:Galilean|Galilean]] ([[User talk:Galilean|talk]]) 15:03, 23 July 2016 (UTC)

*Maybe. It certainly won't be worth transcribing all of the videos if he keeps producing them at this rate, if nothing else. Unless he produces an extremely large amount over time, though, the page could be formatted as a list of all the titles with brief description. As long as Chris keeps making weenbux, there should also be a section about its effect on Chris's finances. --[[User:Ericitos Verdes|Ericitos Verdes]] ([[User talk:Ericitos Verdes|talk]]) 15:28, 23 July 2016 (UTC)

*We could split the info into multiple pages, maybe by month, like "August 2016 Paid Video Requests", etc, like how the Facebook posts are organized. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 17:15, 23 July 2016 (UTC)

*No worries now, as this thing got canned due to the "Fuck" video getting taken down by YouTube. [[User:Windows OS|Windows OS]] ([[User talk:Windows OS|talk]]) 01:41, 24 July 2016 (UTC)

*If he keeps making them, they'll have to be divided into months the way the facebook stuff is. [[User:Res|Res]] ([[User talk:Res|talk]]) 02:31, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

July 2016 Paid Video Requests

2016-08-14T02:30:05Z

Res:

{{Transcription}}

On 18 July 2016, Chris announced that he would be offering video messages for sale, for $50 each, arranged through texting instead of his defunct Etsy shop. On 26 July, he changed his pricing, saying "it starts at $50, but I'm negotiable to as low as $10, and no less." [[Weens]] flooded him with requests, essentially giving him money for nothing and making him even more [[Ego|entitled]].

Two videos had (unintentionally) funny results. In '''Singing "Yellow Submarine"''', Chris drops the camera for a moment, revealing an upskirt shot and showing him wearing a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pantiliner]]<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-7-22-chris-paid-content-general.22728/page-25#post-1620669</ref>. After Chris uploaded '''Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies''', Youtube deleted it and issued a strike against his account. Chris [https://kiwifar.ms/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-07-23-12-51-22-png.118280/ reacted to the fallout from both the following day on Facebook].

Following the strike, which barred him from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account for two weeks, Chris continued the video request program by uploading to an [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], then returning to his main account after the ban expired.

==Josh Lover of men==
'''Josh Lover of men''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 20 July 2016, as part of his video request program. In this video, Chris reads out a paragraph written by a [[homo]] named Josh about how much of a [[ween|crazy fucking idiot he is for paying $50 to Chris for this video]]. Chris was hopelessly [[Autism|unable to detect the sarcasm]] praising his exemplary life and achievements. In fact, Josh's admiration was so obviously masturbatory, it's reasonable to assume Chris would have understood it as mockery if not for his inexhaustible sense of [[Chris and his Ego|self-importance]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Josh Lover of men
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qTjvP_EXKlo}}
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| previous = [[Update_20160718]]
| next = [[Announcement 07202016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...
}}

===Transcript===
[''[[PlayStation 4|PS4]] intro'']

Hello [[Speech impediment|'vbody]], this is [[Tomgirl|Christine]] Chandler, and, uh, the following is from... this guy Joshua's own words, this is a paid request. And the title is right here underneath, "Josh, Lover of Men". So, yeah. [''reading from iPhone''] "[[Homos|Homosexual]] known as Josh has [[Financhu Crisis|paid me $50]] [[United States]] currency to make this video. He is truly a [[Ween|crazy fucking idiot]] for doing so." His words, not mine. He wanted me to tell his [[Gal pal|friend]] Nicole that "she is an attractive slut and that he [[Speech Impediment|abbire]] her - he admires her greatly and appreciates her filthy whore face. Happy early birthday, you magnificent piece of human [[14 Branchland Court|garbage]]. You are such trash and we all love you a lot."

On a more serious note, Josh also [[Speech impediment|wanned]] me to remind you that, hmmm, [''reading''] "[[White knight|I, Christine, am now and have always been a worthwhile human being that deserves a great amount of respect]], and... all [''unintelligible''] and... gratitude for... over the years of [[Chris and art|creativity and effort]] I have poured forth, for all the [[Chris and anger|genuine love and care]] I have trust onto you, not just for [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and all related [[Chris and copyright|original intellectual properties]], but also for the care I have put into my [[Trolls|fanbase]] and all those loyal to my [[Love Quest|righteous cause]]. Please take a moment out of each day to think about the tremendous good I have done for you, and others, and what you could do to give back. Be the hero that you feel inside. Be the Sonichu dat's in your [[Heart Level|heart]]. And go fast. Go... to PayPal, and buy a personalized video just like Josh did. Much love," Josh assed... me to bid you a fond farewell, "and may [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|lightning hedgehogs]] guide you to a path o' happiness".

Well, Nicole, at least he appreciates you. And, yeah, [[Chris and his Ego|I agree with him on everything about me]], so... thank you, Joshua. [[List of Chris's lies|I don't like very much calling other people... such negative things]], 'cause they're still people, after all, but... let's just leave it at that.

[''PS4 outro'']

==Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter==
As the second of his paid request videos to raise money during the [[Financhu Crisis]], Chris read a famous internet meme "copypasta" about an individual who "sexually identifies as an attack helicopter". The resulting video was '''Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter'''. At the end, Chris exaggeratedly shook his head to let his [[Trolls|fanbase]] know he wasn't associated with the literary masterpiece he just read.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fof0BM28TUY}}
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| previous = [[Announcement 07202016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...

via YouTube capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello everybody, here's another paid request, their words, not mine, it's a... little piece of literature this person liked. Alright, so... [''reading energetically''] "I [[Tomgirl|sexually identify]] as an at''tack'' helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the [[Speech impediment|offields]], dropping... [[Semen|hot, sticky loads]] on [[Chris and race|disgusting foreigners]]. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible, and I'm... [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], but I don't ''care''. I'm beautiful." Mmph. [''suddenly monotone, confused''] "I'm having a... plastic surgeon install [[Speech impediment|rolly]] blades, thirty-millimeter... cannons, and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body, [''high pitched''] and from now on, I want you guys to call me ''ApaCHEEE'' and respect my rights to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me, you're a... heliphobe... and you need to check your vehicle [[Speech impediment|priviges]]. Thank you for being so understanding."

Wow, that's [[Chris and psychology|crazy]], that's jus'... I feel like... it's weird. [''Chris makes a strange sound, seemingly blowing a very short raspberry''] Whatever.

[''He shakes his head rapidly while [[Chris and cinematography|wobbling the camera]]'']

Alright, well there you go. Paid request. Have a good day.

==Happy Birthday, Nathan.==

Chris begins this video with an appearance of feigned astonishment. His eyes continually dart around the room as he attempts to briefly carry a tune.

Appearance-wise, Chris can only be described as extraordinarily hideous (more so than usual). Chris unsuccessfully returns to wearing blue eye-shadow—painting copious amounts of overarching makeup around his eyes. We also see a return of the yellow-flower barrette.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Birthday, Nathan.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CYjULlAjQ3E}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello Nathan, this is Christine Chandler. A friend of yours paid me to send you a birthday greeting—so here you go.

''[Starts singing]''

Happy Birthday, Nathan. 
Have yourself a good day. 
Enjoy some cake and presents too. 
Happy Birthday to you. 

''[Briefly pauses, opening mouth to speak but instead transitions into a smile]''

Have a good day.

==Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare==
The copypasta Chris was paid to read this time, the "Navy Seal Copypasta" (or [[Wikipedia:Guerrilla warfare|"Gorilla Warfare"]]), is notably heavy on [[Chris and English#Chris and profanity|profanity]]. Presumably to the disappointment of the requester, Chris neglected to read all but one of the curses used. Most were simply deleted, resulting in awkward pauses and seemingly nonsensical sentences, though a few were replaced with milder words or strange sound effects.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=8_KAd19UGs0}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
And now, another special recording request, paid, copypasta, their words not mine, called "Gorilla Warfare". What the- did you- just say about me, you little ''bloof''? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy SEALs! And I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills! I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top of- the top sniper in the entire [[United States of America|U.S.]] armed forces. You're nothing to me! You're just another target! I'll wipe the- out with precision... the likes of which you have- has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my... words. You think you'll get away with saying that... to me into- to me over the internet? Think again! As we speak I'm contacting my secret network of spies across the U.S., and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot, the storm that wipes out the... [[Duck|pathetic little thing]] you call your life. You're... dead, kid! [''[[It's UGH!|strange growling voice]]''] I can be anywhere, at any time. I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my bare haaands! [''normal voice''] Not only am I extensive trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corp [''sic''], [''high pitched''] and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little! [''normal voice''] If only you could have known the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|unholy reb- retribution]] your little "clever" comment ''was'' about to bring upon you, maybe you w'ave held your- tongue. But you couldn't, c- you didn't... and now you're paying the price, you god-dang idiot! I will... fury out over you and you will drown in it! You're dead, kiddo.

Yep, [''rolls eyes''] there's another paid creepypasta [''sic''], which I just read. [''claps down phone, [[Creepy stare|stares into camera]]''] Eh, whatever. Have a good day.

==Singing "Yellow Submarine"==
Unlike the other paid requests, Chris seemed to be genuinely excited to record this cover of a Beatles song, as indicated in the description. He even added a bizarre improvised portion at the end of the video, presumably as [[random-access humor]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing "Yellow Submarine"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|o_-DFejUbDk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| With pleasure, and by paid request,

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, Christine Chandler, coming to you live again, and now by special, paid, request.

[''Chris freezes for several seconds as he holds the [[Chris and music#Recording tech|stereo system]] remote. He finally presses play, and The Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" begins playing. As he begins singing, the camera turns down to look at his K'Nex Yellow Submarine model'']

In the town where I was born lived a man who sailed the sea 
And he told us of his life in the land of submarines 
So we sailed into the sun 'till we found the sea of green 
And we live beneath the waves [''chris fiddles with the model''] in our yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
And our friends are all aboard, many more of them live next door 
Then the band begins to play [''imitating a horn''] ''ba-ba-ba-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-a-rump-a-rump-ba-rump-a-rump'' 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 

[''in a strange squeaky voice''] "Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain [''pronounced boats-wain''], full speed ahead! Ah, feel it is, sir! Cut the- cut the cable, drop the cable! C- aye, sir, aye, aye! Captain, [[Speech impediment|cowdun]]!"

[''He continues to sing, awkwardly trying to do the accompanying vocals as well with a higher pitch'']

As we live beneath these- a life of ease! 
And every one of us- every one of us! Has all we need- has all we need! 
Sky of blue- sky of blue! And sea of green- sea of green! 
In our yellow- in our yellow! Submarine, ha ha! 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
[''quietly''] All live in a yellow submarine...

[''Chris cuts off music but keeps singing''] Yellow submarine, yellow submarine... [''Chris picks up a K'Nex hippopotamus figure and moves it toward the camera''] and we all live in a hipp- [''camera falls over on its side''] Mmph! [''Chris sets camera up again, now holding another toy figure resembling a pig''] [[Random-access humor|We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus]][''The camera falls over again, this time looking under the table and giving the viewer an unintentional shot of a seemingly oblivious Chris's crotch, revealing that he is wearing a pantiliner.''][''picking up camera again, still holding toy''] We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, [''he sets it down on top of a human figure''] sitting on my head. Duh! Ba-bum! [''setting down "hippo" toy again''] Hippopotamus, sitting on my head! Duh! Get off my head, hippo!

[''Chris holds up a piece of the Yellow Submarine model''] And on a personal note, [[Lego]] would have done a be'er job with the construction of the Yellow Submarine than... K'Nex did. [''he demonstrates the model falling apart as he tries to pick it up''] Falls apart easy! Made in the USA, these [[HEXBox|Kinect]] [''sic''] parts. Anyway, there you go. "Yellow Submarine". Have a good day.

==Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies==

Similar to his last paid request, Chris appeared genuinely eager to record this video. Chris's enthusiasm grows as the recording progresses—his voice projects excitement as his pitch increases; especially when he shakes his chest. This is likely because—however briefly or mockingly—Chris becomes the object of someone else's sexuality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cAR-6otspXk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
}}

This video was deleted by Youtube for violating its policy on "nudity or sexual content."

===Description===
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==For Elisabeth==
{{Infobox/video
| name = For Elisabeth
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxJPbuAkaY0}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==To Stephen.==
{{Infobox/video
| name = To Stephen.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RP9VKMOg-wg}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==Machine Romans==
Note: This video was uploading to [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], due to Chris receiving a temporary ban from his main channel.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Machine Romans
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ch0t6ZPxTxo}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| Paid for by StrokeTheWizard - soundcloud.com/strokethewizard More information: nobodytm.com

Common Filth: youtube.com/channel/UCb9NIDFFW4KOqc6hGBnFBhg

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==Singing "All of the Lights"==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing "All of the Lights"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|60narHHELHI}}
| stardate = 8 [[August 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox| And now by paid request.

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==To Shelly==

{{Infobox/video
| name = To Shelly
| video = {{#ev:youtube|in30pzuMJFU}}
| stardate = 13 [[August 2016]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

==Sources==
<references/>

Retroactive continuity in Sonichu

2016-08-12T09:30:56Z

Res:

{{Merge|Continuity in the Sonichu comics}}
[[Image:RainbowChrisBeforeAfter.jpg|right|thumb|300px|Changing [[rainbow]]s into [[Chris and religion|gates of Heaven]] only makes the [[Chris and death|implications]] even worse.]]

[[Chris]], thinking himself as clever and believing he can change things without other people noticing, has extensively '''[[Wikipedia:Retroactive Continuity|retconned]]''' the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]]. In literature, "retroactive continuity" is a conscious alteration within a story's canon to change established facts or events within its continuity. This is usually used in ongoing stories to accommodate further stories that would not have been possible without the change in continuity, or to resolve chronological errors. While many comics use retcons to this outcome through use of subsequent revelations, such as Marvel's [[wikipedia:Avengers Disassembled|''Avengers Disassembled'']], or even large-scale cosmological events, such as DC's [[wikipedia:Crisis on Infinite Earths|''Crisis on Infinite Earths'']], these are usually plausible in-universe and are done for good reason. However, nigh all of the retcons that occur in ''Sonichu'' are sudden, unexplained and usually unnecessary, almost always having been changed because Chris changed his mind about something or wanted to shoehorn a contrived new plot into the comic.

==Background==
In the case of names, Chris changed them on the advice of [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Jay Z]], who told Chris that they can't make a game with the names of real people. Even though he found out that [[Clyde Cash]] impersonated them, Chris has kept the name changes [[Chris and reality|"just in case"]] Nintendo or Sega decides to pick up the game.

Some changes are a result of troll attacks, others come from Chris trying to appear to be a [[Racism|tolerant]] and [[Pedofork|law-abiding]] person when he has unwittingly depicted himself otherwise. Black Sonichu was renamed [[Blake]] after Chris was accused of being a racist. More notably, the iconic [[Sonichu Balls]], which play a major role in the later comic issues, have become Sonichu ''Crystals'', after [[Homos|"gay"]] [[Gay 4 Sonichu|"fans"]] and trolls pointed out that it's pretty gay for him to want to get as many BALLS as he can to FREE him. Likewise, the infamous "Rainbow [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]]" image from [[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|Sub-Episode 2]] was changed (bizarrely) to a background with the gates of Heaven when it was pointed out that rainbows are the international symbol of gay pride.

Another retcon, though more minor, is the updating of the [[Rosechu]]s' [[Rule 34|"feminine physique"]]. In several places, most notably in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], many of the female characters have had their breasts and [[china|vaginas]] more prominently outlined. This is probably a desperate attempt made by Chris to STAY STRAIGHT in the face of all those homosexual college professors, using [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to support gay pride.

Chris has also altered the storyline in several places, such as the birth of Sonichu (explaining that they have aged in real time in the comics, due to complaints that 16-year-old Sonichu was having sex with 15-year-old Rosechu) and later adding that Sonichu and Rosechu got married, which would have justified their sex in ''Sonichu'' #8 (though Chris still fails to account that Rosechu would have been 17 when the two would have been married, which would still be statutory rape under [[wikipedia:Ages of consent in North America#Virginia|Virginia law]]). Pressed to make peace with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Chris wrote a new story on [[CWCipedia]] about how she and Slaweel are two separate people, which defeats the purpose of needing a separate name for a separate Mary Lee Walsh. However, in the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris accidentally used the name "Mary Lee Walsh" on several occasions before quickly correcting himself with "Slaweel Ryam".

Chris has also changed [[Sonichu 5#Alternate versions|the ending to Sonichu 5, episode 13]], where the original shows him and [[Megan]] hugging on page 50 followed by a disclaimer at the bottom of page 51. It says that Rosechu "sets the record straight" by clarifying that the hug "didn't happen for real". Likely due to Megan telling Chris to back off, page 50 was replaced with a closeup of [[Sailor Megtune]]'s face, where she whines about how bad she feels for Chris, and Rosechu's speech was simply changed to a white box with the words "to be continued...". Interestingly, the version of the comics Chris posted on [[CWCipedia]] reflects the original, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_51 with both the hug and Rosechu's disclaimer intact], whereas the [[Sonichu 5 Official Videobook#Episode 13|videobook version of episode 13]] is the alternate one, with the grotesque closeup of Sailor Megtune's face and the edited page 51. In [[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|MyBuzz quizzes]], Chris flat out points out that there is a difference between the "director's cut" and the other version.

Aside from retconning his own work, Chris also frequently attempts to "improve" the work of others. This mostly manifests itself in renaming of characters: [[Megan]]'s character [[Megagi]] was originally called "Spunky Skunk", [[Ivy]]'s [[Layla Flaaffy]] was originally called "Luckett[e]", etc. In the [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]] Chris takes things in another direction by trying to "fix" a [[troll|fan's]] vastly superior artwork by redrawing it and making extremely minor changes. The most blatant moment, however, is in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where Chris tries to rewrite the world of [[Asperchu]] to be substantially more one-dimensional and boring. This stems from his [[autistic|ludicrous]] belief that cartoon characters are real (as in, [[Chris and reality|they literally exist on another plane of existence and the events in the comics have actual consequences]]), and he believes that he needs to "fix" his characters, lest the comics drawn by others somehow change them.

Chris has also attempted to retcon the actual events of his life, whenever convenient. While it's likely that many of the stories Chris tells of himself are fabrications or exaggerations, there is little evidence to support either theory. What can be proven, though, is Chris's alterations to his [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Simonla]], which originally stated (correctly) that the character was a derivative of [[Evan]]'s character, Simonchu. After Evan started to take legal action against Chris for his [[Chris and copyright|misappropriation of the character]], Chris simply edited the page to claim otherwise. In fact, he claimed that Simonla was ''not'' based on Simonchu, and their myriad of similarities was entirely coincidental. He had simply credited Evan for the character because he was [[autistic|confused]].

In order to not appear as a [[Pedofork]] for drawing Rule 34 involving the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Silvana]], Chris retconned the birthdates by stating that the eggs traveled in time to 1989.<ref>The [[CWCipedia]]</ref>
[[File:ChrisChanDamageControl.jpg|thumb|"I'm not a pedofork you dorks!"]]

Chris has also attempted to retcon the name origin of Sonichu—he states in [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], that Sonichu's name is NOT a portmanteau of Sonic and Pikachu, like it was "rumored", but rather a play on Sonic's "Japanese" name "Soniku"''[sic]''.

He would also go on to retcon Simonla's death multiple times. He first did this on Facebook in 2014, saying that he "revived her."<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Return_Of_Simonla_Rosechu]]</ref> She officially returned at the end of [[Sonichu_11#A_Sonichu_Christmas|A Sonichu Christmas]], when it turns out that she survived the Voltorb attack from the previous book, thanks to a healing ability.

==Name changes==
The follow is a comprehensive list of name changes:

<center>
{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Before
!align="left"|After
|-
|[[Bagget]]
|Dagget
|-
|Black Sonichu/Blachu
|[[Blake]]
|-
|[[CADD Chef]]
|Keneru-Meneth -CADD Chef-
|-
|[[Hanna]]
|Fandanna
|-
|-[[Ivy]]
|-Yasmine Clemen
|-
|[[Cole Smithey|Joseph Cole Smithey]]
|"Joe Cool" Smithey
|-
|[[Joseph Herring]]
|Joe Herr
|-
|[[Megan Schroeder]]
|Meg-chan
|-
|[[Mary Lee Walsh]]
|Slaweel Ryam, Slaweel the Witch
|-
|[[Merried Seinor Comic]]/Kirby
|Merried Seinor Comic
|-
|[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]
|[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCCitizens]]
|-
|[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
|<s>Prowldent Virginia Community College</s> Percham Virginia Community College
|-
|[[Doctor Robotnik|Robotnik]]
|Ren Skysoar
|-
|[[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]]
|Nicole Rammer
|-
|[[Sonichu Balls]]
|<s>Sonichu Crystals</s>, <s>Sonichu Ball Crystals</s>, Chaotic Crystals
|-
|[[wikipedia:Trojan (brand)|Trojan]]
|Jimmy
|-
|[[Wes Iseli]]
|Walter Grisby
|}
</center>

==Gallery of retcons==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|Apparently, the evil [[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation|Mary Lee Walsh]] was Slaweel all along!
Image:Schu1SubEp2 FandannaRetcon.JPG|Not only does Chris's edit have the name stretch into the black section of the monitor, but he's also forgotten to change [[Hanna]]'s name in another paragraph.
Image:Schu6p50a.jpg|The infamous "Sailor Asscheeks"; [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], page 50
Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|The revised page 50.
Image:Sonichu-6_notsow.jpg|''Sonichu'' #5, page 30: NOTSOW
Image:SchuComic7Page30.jpg|NOTSEW
Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|Chris changes [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] to Meg-chan, [[Chris and English#Spelling|but doesn't take the opportunity to correct "Dood" to "Good".]]
Image:Schu7 Pg3 MeganMLWEdit.JPG|Does he really think that 'Slaweel Ryam' and 'Meg-chan' are going to fool anyone?
Image:Chris-Straw-Retcon.JPG|The infamous [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] as later appeared on the [[CWCipedia]]. It looks just as stupid, only slightly smaller. Somehow it looks even more like he's sucking a dick than before.
Image:Schu7P23-JosephRetcon.JPG|[[Joseph Herring|Friends]] and [[Cole Smithey|family]] also get their names changed.
Image:ZEMTITS.jpg|HE LOVES BOOBIES TOO
Image:Schu8P5-A CameraRetcon.JPG|Rosechu, failing to look even remotely sexy with that [[Autism|retarded]] expression, gets edited out of a camera picture.
Image:Schu7Page37 NameEdits.JPG|See if you can spot the differences.
File:Ren metal.jpg|Doctor Ren Skysoar
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

== External links ==
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/ An archive with the non-retconned Sonichu comics (Scroll to the bottom)]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Comic]]

Self-inflicted taint wound

2016-07-29T04:36:39Z

Res: "labia" is plural.

{{Honest}}
On 24 July 2016, Chris announced in a Facebook post that he believed he grew vaginal labia as result of watching [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|subliminal frequency videos]].

It's much more likely that Chris's wounds from the [[Un-clit|Un-clit]] have reopened, forming an abscess which poses serious health risks to him since, if left untreated, it could become gangrenous and cause septic shock. as the infection reaches his blood stream and nearby abdominal organs. The wound itself appears to be demonstrating [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Granulation_tissue proud flesh]: an overgrowth of granulated tissue. This suggests the wound has been present for at least some time; unable to heal.

Chris's ability to take care of the wound is dubious, even if he sought medical help— apart from the initial drainage, the wound would have to be kept clean for months until it could fully heal. Chris's known lack of hygiene, the location being naturally hard to reach, and its being prone to [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|come into contact with fecal matter]] make this an unlikely prospect.

Chris later posted two more messages; first claiming that he had his "labia" examined, and then declaring that it was all a ruse. Of course, these were proven to be [[lies|blatant lies]]. Chris edited the message about the exam, changing his story as he went on. But if that wasn't telling enough, a second picture provided by insider trolls displayed the wound from another angle, making it extremely unlikely to be a Photoshop hoax.

Unlike the first picture, in which the "labia" was posed for his fanbase on Facebook, the second one exhibited how badly Chris is handling what could evolve into a life-threatening problem— he is shown spreading the wound as if it were a vagina. It's even been contemplated that the panty pads he's been purchasing<ref>[[Paid Video Requests]]</ref> are used to absorb pus leakage from the abscess, which would only deteriorate his condition and further irritate the wound.

As of now Chris is responding to direct attempts at getting him to see a doctor by replying that he already has and everything is fine— something no doctor would ever say regarding this outrageous situation. He has deleted all related posts in an attempt to [[Chris and reality|pretend nothing's happened]].

His long-term social isolation and sheltered upbringing are well known to all Christorians but this incident, particularly his firm belief that the patently charlatanous self-hypnosis videos could spontaneously generate new genitalia, makes many assume that Chris has developed a new mental condition besides [[autism]]— possibly schizophrenia. Some argue that this was always the case, only usually confounded with autism. Alternatively, Chris may simply be manifesting signs of colossal, intense [[naïve|naïveté]] of a scale unwitnessed since his discovery by trolls in late [[2007]].

==Chris's demented version of events==

{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 11:40 am

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

As a number of online people may be aware, I have been grooving with the subliminal frequencies and binaural beats towards my transition from male to female body. The source being the Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis Wizards Binaural Beats channel on YouTube. Last March, I've started simple with growing my breasts out with their Breast Growth Hormone track; it worked to my amazement at a full inch outward per week in about two months. I've also listened to change my nipples to teats, as well as begin producing breast milk. Also, related, from a separate track on another channel, I have eased and cured the worst of my autism too. But since last May, I decided to take it a step further and begin my transition from male to female with the penis to vagina tracks, including the individual organ changing tracks, and for a while the Intersex track. And two Fridays ago, July 15, while I slept that night, my labia started splitting open, and I found the initial hole and blood the next morning. And over the few days that followed, the labia opened to its full length, and I've been dealing with the blood that came out. I have been keeping it clean, daily monitoring it, and treating it with rubbing alcohol. I have started the wheels in motion for the full HRT and SRS by Seeing My Doctor last Friday, because I felt like I didn't want to wait much longer to fully become the woman that I should have been born as.

With that, I have uploaded a photo of my labia onto imgur, http://m.imgur.com/gallery/pb1ovpJ, for all 18+ year old individuals to see. BUT, I do not want to be overrun with tabloid and paparazzi attention over this, or have a total big deal made.

As for my own statement to quote, I will state the following: Have belief and faith in what your body can do, and with such binaural beats and frequencies, as well as persistence and patience, what you'd like can happen for you.

And if you'd like to offer your support in my transition as well, I accept financial donations via PayPal to my email address, ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com.

Thank you, and have a good and safe day.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX4JC6NnvfGC9i3kwSFPFIg}}

==Replies==
People on Chris's friends list attempted to talk sense into him, to no avail.

Jessica Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|...fuck it. I'm out. I don't even know what one can say about this. Why would you post something this messed up?

Good luck with whatever it is you're trying to do with your life. I tried.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|I just don't get it, WHY would you post this kind of stuff?

You were JUST complaining about how people invade every aspect of your life and that you wouldn't share anything so personal and now you do... THIS!

I don't even know what to think right now. My mind is blown.}}
Kenneth Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|I would advise most strongly against any nude photos of yourself on the internet. It is prime trolling stuff and it comes across as exercising extremely poor judgment. Jessica is absolutely 100% correct in this. Your nude photos of your "equipment" have absolutely no place on the internet.}}
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|Ken, it's a little more serious than that. This could be a major health problem brewing.}}
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|What's more important is his health.

Whomever is putting Christine up to this, please stop. This could lead to a serious life threatening health problem.

I know many people follow what goes on on this page - whomever is pulling the strings needs to stop. It's sick and twisted and a life could very well be at stake here.

Please Christine Weston Chandler, go and get looked at. I support your right to be who you want, but this is a very serious matter.}}
Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|Christine this could be a sign of an infection setting in? Do you understand that if this gets into your bloodstream you could very well end up in the ICU at the hospital. This isn't transitioning, this is endangering your health for nothing. This is bullshit. You have a family member who is dependent on your well-being.}}
Mellanie Chafe (deleted)
{{quoteboxorange|She's...she's evolving!!! EVOLVING I TELL YOU!}}
Chafe
{{quoteboxorange|I'm so confused...}}

==Second Facebook post==
A Kiwi Farms user named Doc Cassidy texted Chris, telling him to go to a hospital.
[[Image:Cwc doc cassidy.png|thumb|250px|]]

Two minutes later, Chris posted to Facebook again.
{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 2:20 pm

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined last night. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

Chris later edited the post, changing his story on when he supposedly got examined.
{{quotebox|

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined today. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

==More replies==
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|Please get a second opinion then. This is a serious matter.

If you weren't afraid to share this whole ordeal earlier, it shouldn't be a problem to prove you've gone to the doctor's to get checked out. Paperwork, a receipt, hell a parking ticket to prove you actually went.

You could be putting yourself at serious risk Christine. People are truly worried about you. Please don't brush it off!}}
Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|Christine, I saw that picture of your "labia". That is not a vagina, that's a fistula with a possible perineal abscess developing. This won't be visible from the surface. I don't who has been fucking with your head in this manner but a number of us are upset not only for your sake but for Barbara's sake as well.}}
Jennifer Marie
{{quoteboxorange|I wouldn't necessarily call it a fistula, the initial piercing would be considered a fistula; however, that certainly is not a labia. Chris, this cannot be comfortable. I'm glad it's not infected, but that is a very deep wound, and you need to take care of it properly, or else it will get infected very quickly, and very badly (think of when your mom had wounds on her butt infected...). I would not want to see you end up in the hospital with a systemic infection.}}
Seamus Campbell
{{quoteboxorange|???? Huh?}}

==Damage Control==
Hours after making the initial post, and seeing the scathing criticism and pleas for him to get the wound treated from his Facebook friends, Chris removed the two posts, then claimed the whole thing was a hoax. This is unlikely, as Chris does not have the skills to photoshop the wound in his photo. It was most likely a ploy because he regretted posting a photo for his trolls.

{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 7:07 pm

Hey, Trolls. Gotcha! That photo was a fake. I have no wound down there. And, by the way, "abcess" implies presence of Pus; there is NO pus in the photo. Crazy people. To clarify: the photo was a hoax.

Have a good day.}}

Chris quickly deleted this post as well.

==Replies==
Marie
{{quoteboxorange|But why would you fake something that serious appearing?}}
Chafe
{{quoteboxorange|So you literally just became what you hate. Good job. For the people that actually were concerned...I feel bad for them.}}

==Screenshots of all Facebook posts==
<center><gallery>
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 08-41-36.png
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 11-20-59.png
File:Fb labia exam claim edited.png
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 16-07-48.png
</gallery></center>

==Continued denial==
On 26 July, a Kiwi Farms user named Innocuous Banter texted Chris, who again claimed that he had been cleared by a doctor. When asked what the doctor had to say about the "labia," Chris responded with, "It is coming in good" and that it is normal-looking. Chris also believes it will finish growing in "a few months."

[[File:Cwc innocuous banter.png|250px]]
[[File:Cwc innocuous banter2.png|250px]]
[[File:Cwc innocuous banter3.png|250px]]

==Photos of the wound==
{{collapsible
|WARNING. THESE ARE IMAGES OF AN ABSCESS ON CHRIS'S TAINT|<center><gallery>
File:Labia NSFW.jpg|The "labia."
File:Taint wound labia 2 NSFW.jpg|Goddammit, Chris.
</gallery></center>}}

==See also==
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]

==Sources==
<references/>

Self-inflicted taint wound

2016-07-27T02:04:52Z

Res:

{{Honest}}
On 24 July 2016, Chris announced in a Facebook post that he believed he grew vaginal labia as a result of watching [https://youtu.be/bRv_1Qpk8Cg subliminal frequencies videos].

It's much more likely that Chris's taint from the [[Un-clit|Un-clit]] has reopened into a wound, forming an abscess which poses serious health risks to him since, if left untreated, could evolve into full septic shock (or gangrene) as the infection reaches his blood stream.

Chris's ability to take care of the wound is dubious, even if he sought medical help— apart from the initial drainage, the wound would have to be kept clean for months until it could fully heal. Chris's known lack of hygiene and the location being naturally hard to reach (and prone to [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|come into contact with fecal matter]]) make this an unlikely prospect.

Chris later posted two more messages; first claiming that he had his "labia" examined, and then declaring that it was all a ruse. Of course, these were proven to be [[lies|blatant lies]]. Chris edited the message about the exam, changing his story as he went on. But if that wasn't telling enough, a second picture provided by insider trolls displayed the wound from another angle, making it extremely unlikely to be a Photoshop hoax.

Unlike the first picture, in which the "labia" was posed for linking from Facebook, the second one exhibits how badly Chris is handling what could evolve into a life-threatening problem— he is shown spreading the wound as if it was a vagina. It's even been contemplated that the panty pads he's been purchasing<ref>[[Paid Video Requests]]</ref> are used to absorb pus leaking from the abscess, which would deteriorate its condition and cause further friction to the wound.

As of now Chris is responding to direct attempts at getting him to see a doctor by replying that he already has and everything is fine— something no doctor would ever say regarding this outrageous situation. He has deleted all related posts in an attempt to [[Chris and reality|pretend nothing's happened]].

His long-term social isolation and sheltered upbringing are well known to all Christorians but this incident, particularly his firm belief that the self-hypnosis videos could spontaneously generate new genitalia, makes many assume that Chris has developed a new mental condition besides [[autism]]— possibly schizophrenia or dementia. Some argue that this was always the case, only usually confounded with autism.
==Chris's demented version of events==

{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 11:40 am

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

As a number of online people may be aware, I have been grooving with the subliminal frequencies and binaural beats towards my transition from male to female body. The source being the Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis Wizards Binaural Beats channel on YouTube. Last March, I've started simple with growing my breasts out with their Breast Growth Hormone track; it worked to my amazement at a full inch outward per week in about two months. I've also listened to change my nipples to teats, as well as begin producing breast milk. Also, related, from a separate track on another channel, I have eased and cured the worst of my autism too. But since last May, I decided to take it a step further and begin my transition from male to female with the penis to vagina tracks, including the individual organ changing tracks, and for a while the Intersex track. And two Fridays ago, July 15, while I slept that night, my labia started splitting open, and I found the initial hole and blood the next morning. And over the few days that followed, the labia opened to its full length, and I've been dealing with the blood that came out. I have been keeping it clean, daily monitoring it, and treating it with rubbing alcohol. I have started the wheels in motion for the full HRT and SRS by Seeing My Doctor last Friday, because I felt like I didn't want to wait much longer to fully become the woman that I should have been born as.

With that, I have uploaded a photo of my labia onto imgur, http://m.imgur.com/gallery/pb1ovpJ, for all 18+ year old individuals to see. BUT, I do not want to be overrun with tabloid and paparazzi attention over this, or have a total big deal made.

As for my own statement to quote, I will state the following: Have belief and faith in what your body can do, and with such binaural beats and frequencies, as well as persistence and patience, what you'd like can happen for you.

And if you'd like to offer your support in my transition as well, I accept financial donations via PayPal to my email address, ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com.

Thank you, and have a good and safe day.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX4JC6NnvfGC9i3kwSFPFIg}}

==Replies==
People on Chris's friends list attempted to talk sense into him, to no avail.

Jessica Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|...fuck it. I'm out. I don't even know what one can say about this. Why would you post something this messed up?

Good luck with whatever it is you're trying to do with your life. I tried.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|I just don't get it, WHY would you post this kind of stuff?

You were JUST complaining about how people invade every aspect of your life and that you wouldn't share anything so personal and now you do... THIS!

I don't even know what to think right now. My mind is blown.}}
Kenneth Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|I would advise most strongly against any nude photos of yourself on the internet. It is prime trolling stuff and it comes across as exercising extremely poor judgment. Jessica is absolutely 100% correct in this. Your nude photos of your "equipment" have absolutely no place on the internet.}}
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|Ken, it's a little more serious than that. This could be a major health problem brewing.}}
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|What's more important is his health.

Whomever is putting Christine up to this, please stop. This could lead to a serious life threatening health problem.

I know many people follow what goes on on this page - whomever is pulling the strings needs to stop. It's sick and twisted and a life could very well be at stake here.

Please Christine Weston Chandler, go and get looked at. I support your right to be who you want, but this is a very serious matter.}}
Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|Christine this could be a sign of an infection setting in? Do you understand that if this gets into your bloodstream you could very well end up in the ICU at the hospital. This isn't transitioning, this is endangering your health for nothing. This is bullshit. You have a family member who is dependent on your well-being.}}
Mellanie Chafe (deleted)
{{quoteboxorange|She's...she's evolving!!! EVOLVING I TELL YOU!}}
Chafe
{{quoteboxorange|I'm so confused...}}

==Second Facebook post==
A Kiwi Farms user named Doc Cassidy texted Chris, telling him to go to a hospital.
[[Image:Cwc doc cassidy.png|thumb|250px|]]

Two minutes later, Chris posted to Facebook again.
{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 2:20 pm

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined last night. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

Chris later edited the post, changing his story on when he supposedly got examined.
{{quotebox|

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined today. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

==More replies==
Quinn
{{quoteboxgreen|Please get a second opinion then. This is a serious matter.

If you weren't afraid to share this whole ordeal earlier, it shouldn't be a problem to prove you've gone to the doctor's to get checked out. Paperwork, a receipt, hell a parking ticket to prove you actually went.

You could be putting yourself at serious risk Christine. People are truly worried about you. Please don't brush it off!}}
Englehardt
{{quoteboxred|Christine, I saw that picture of your "labia". That is not a vagina, that's a fistula with a possible perineal abscess developing. This won't be visible from the surface. I don't who has been fucking with your head in this manner but a number of us are upset not only for your sake but for Barbara's sake as well.}}
Jennifer Marie
{{quoteboxorange|I wouldn't necessarily call it a fistula, the initial piercing would be considered a fistula; however, that certainly is not a labia. Chris, this cannot be comfortable. I'm glad it's not infected, but that is a very deep wound, and you need to take care of it properly, or else it will get infected very quickly, and very badly (think of when your mom had wounds on her butt infected...). I would not want to see you end up in the hospital with a systemic infection.}}
Seamus Campbell
{{quoteboxorange|???? Huh?}}

==Damage Control==
Hours after making the initial post, and seeing the scathing criticism and pleas for him to get the wound treated from his Facebook friends, Chris removed the two posts, then claimed the whole thing was a hoax. This is unlikely, as Chris does not have the skills to photoshop the wound in his photo. It was most likely a ploy because he regretted posting a photo for his trolls.

{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 7:07 pm

Hey, Trolls. Gotcha! That photo was a fake. I have no wound down there. And, by the way, "abcess" implies presence of Pus; there is NO pus in the photo. Crazy people. To clarify: the photo was a hoax.

Have a good day.}}

Chris quickly deleted this post as well.

==Replies==
Marie
{{quoteboxorange|But why would you fake something that serious appearing?}}
Chafe
{{quoteboxorange|So you literally just became what you hate. Good job. For the people that actually were concerned...I feel bad for them.}}

==Screenshots of all Facebook posts==
<center><gallery>
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 08-41-36.png
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 11-20-59.png
File:Fb labia exam claim edited.png
File:Screenshot-www facebook com 2016-07-24 16-07-48.png
</gallery></center>

==Continued denial==
On 26 July, a Kiwi Farms user named Innocuous Banter texted Chris, who again claimed that he had been cleared by a doctor. When asked what the doctor had to say about the "labia," Chris responded with, "It is coming in good" and that it is normal-looking. Chris also believes it will finish growing in "a few months."

[[File:Cwc innocuous banter.png|250px]]
[[File:Cwc innocuous banter2.png|250px]]
[[File:Cwc innocuous banter3.png|250px]]

==Photos of the wound==
{{collapsible
|WARNING. THESE ARE IMAGES OF AN ABSCESS ON CHRIS'S TAINT|<center><gallery>
File:Labia NSFW.jpg|The "labia."
File:Taint wound labia 2 NSFW.jpg|Goddammit, Chris.
</gallery></center>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

Chris and religion

2016-07-26T07:28:39Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! ([[Facebook]])}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu raping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance.]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often starkly differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Ruckersville, VA|hillbilly]] [[Slow-in-the-minds|idiot]] who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he long espoused his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions.

Irrespective of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism.]]
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris identifies himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Essence.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

In recent years, Chris appears to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by [[Wikipedia:Futurama|Futurama]], he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into Heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based (as opposed to Catholicism, where one's fate in the afterlife is additionally determined by good works, repentance, and the sacraments).

Absurdly, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions - which is outwardly Catholic theology, not Protestant. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, [[Wikipedia:Limbo|Limbo]] is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. [[Wikipedia:Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide]] and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied.

His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the [[South Park]] episode "[[Wikipedia:Death (South Park)|Death]]", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

==Concept of sin==
[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|Take note, Chris.]]
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity| gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his ego|pride]] constantly.

==Chris and forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the Universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur|Soul Calibur III]]'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. The idea of this spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing (at least without good reason), and most, if not all, groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]], [[Women's rights|sexist]], [[Chris and race|racist]], failure.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns - he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, which is more than can be said for some.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, Catholicism preaches deference on moral issues to one's priest while Protestantism does not). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much does Chris knows about [[:wikipedia:Unitarianism|Unitarianism]] (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

Given that he takes his own religion à la carte, Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and, indeed, the differences between Protestantism and Catholicism. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Judaism===
''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Quran, and is not known to have ever commented on the religion directly.

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref> His opinion of it has probably been culled from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Non-theism===
Out of all of these sections, Chris's opinion of irreligious people, and atheists in particular, is the most vacillating and incoherent, and also coincidentally one of the best documented.

[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

[[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> Even from an evangelical point of view, it's hard enough for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them without Chris going around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. This shows that Chris simply doesn't comprehend non-belief in religion, as of course an atheist would not be cowed by the threat of something they by definition don't believe exists. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist, a deist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

In another sudden turn, in his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman-using fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

Chris and religion

2016-07-26T07:27:19Z

Res:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.|Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! ([[Facebook]])}}
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu raping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in vengeance.]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often starkly differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] [[Ruckersville, VA|hillbilly]] [[Slow-in-the-minds|idiot]] who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he espouses his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Chris and health|gluttony]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism.]]
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[BlueSpike|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[List of Chris's lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naïve|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Church audio#00:18:10 - Seth MacFarlane & The Bible]]; [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> Chris would later on attend [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]. Although Chris identifies himself as Methodist and so did his [[Bob Chandler|father]], his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] identifies herself as a Presbyterian.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Chris rambles like a motherfucker]]</ref>

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of ''him'', so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with [[Ivy]].]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Essence.

Being the unparalleled study in [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]] he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Ruhollah Khomeini|Ayatollah Khomeini]], Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref> His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca Weiss]], then [[PandaHalo]] and finally [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]], an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] and to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

In recent years, Chris appears to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], God has nevertheless imparted upon him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on [[Facebook]] after a run in with a [[Jerkop]]:

{{quotebox|1=
God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!}}

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a [[May 2013]] letter to [[Kim]]:

{{quotebox|1=
Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?).

I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect.

But I prattle or digress.

So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)}}

Soon thereafter, inspired by [[Wikipedia:Futurama|Futurama]], he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

{{quote|The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.|Chris on Facebook, August 2014.<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#tl;dr]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris,<ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into Heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based (as opposed to Catholicism, where one's fate in the afterlife is additionally determined by good works, repentance, and the sacraments).

Absurdly, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions - which is outwardly Catholic theology, not Protestant. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of]] [[28 October 2011|good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to Heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept,<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor]]</ref> but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from [[anime|somewhere else]].

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing]]</ref>

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo."<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref> In reality, [[Wikipedia:Limbo|Limbo]] is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. [[Wikipedia:Religious views on suicide|Christian views on suicide]] and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied.

His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the [[South Park]] episode "[[Wikipedia:Death (South Park)|Death]]", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]."<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

==Concept of sin==
[[File:John Asperchu.JPG|thumb|right|Take note, Chris.]]
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[Jason Kendrick Howell|JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkop]]s, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits [[death threats|wrath]], [[Liquid Chris|envy]], [[obesity| gluttony]], [[monthly tugboat|sloth]], [[Chris and money|greed]], [[virgin with rage|lust]] and [[Chris and his ego|pride]] constantly.

==Chris and forgiveness==

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has [[Autism|no idea of what forgiveness really is]], and will often hold grudges against [[Clyde Cash|anybody]] [[Michael Snyder|he]] feels has wronged him, [[Greene County Conspiracy|sometimes even for years]]. While some may argue that he did show [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha_Retraction|forgiveness]] in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an [[China|ulterior motive]] or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

[[This is how the Trial went|During his trial]] on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris's Attitude at the GAMe PLACe|scaring his customers away]], ''(while he was still allowed in the store)'', [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean#Video|shouting racist slurs at him]], [[Autism Tutorial Part 3|threatening to set fire to his business]], and [[28 October 2011|injuring him with his car]]. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit ''public slander'' in a court of law:

{{quote|I don't think that [[Michael Snyder|thieving liar]] deserves a [[Monthly tugboat|red cent]]!|Chris, [[This is how the Trial went]]}}

Long story short, Chris does not forgive, nor does he forget.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

{{quote|I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares|Chris on using the spirits of the dead}}

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the Universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur|Soul Calibur III]]'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. The idea of this spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing (at least without good reason), and most, if not all, groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical]], [[Women's rights|sexist]], [[Chris and race|racist]], failure.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
[[File:EmperorChris.png|thumb|left|All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-<s>Emperor</s> Mayor of [[CWCville]].]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Sonichu 10|issue #10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the [[Chris and English|accumilitive]] memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|[[Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref> The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he seems to call himself Jesus: ''"You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save."''<ref>[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]</ref> However, this could also be a [[Chris and English|malapropism]] for "Word of God."

Chris might have developed a God complex as early as [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

===Other Christian denominations===
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her [[Rosechu (species)|species]]. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns - he refers to Catholic priests as [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Angelica_Rosechu|"pastors"] and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, which is more than can be said for some.

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, Catholicism preaches deference on moral issues to one's priest while Protestantism does not). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna McLerran]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much does Chris knows about [[:wikipedia:Unitarianism|Unitarianism]] (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; [[Jackie]] identified herself as a Unitarian,<ref>[[Jackie#Profile]]</ref> and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails]]</ref>

Given that he takes his own religion à la carte, Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and, indeed, the differences between Protestantism and Catholicism. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

===Judaism===
''See also: [[Chris and race#Jews|Chris and race]]''

"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]], and [[Sonichu 11]]" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]], at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking.<ref>In fact, in [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13#09-02-27|one chat]] Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich [sic] Church".</ref> In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan the Moralf**|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Quran, and is not known to have ever commented on the religion directly.

===Scientology===
On 28 [[December 2009]], Chris wrote a blog entry telling [[Jack Thaddeus]] to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology".<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref> Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.<ref>[[Mailbag 52#Master of diplomacy at work|Mailbag 52]]</ref> His opinion of it has probably been culled from ''[[South Park]]''.

===Non-theism===
Out of all of these sections, Chris's opinion of irreligious people, and atheists in particular, is the most vacillating and incoherent, and also coincidentally one of the best documented.

[[Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>

[[Ruckersville, VA|Unsurprisingly]], he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> Even from an evangelical point of view, it's hard enough for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them without Chris going around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[trolls]] by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common Questions#09 January 2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. This shows that Chris simply doesn't comprehend non-belief in religion, as of course an atheist would not be cowed by the threat of something they by definition don't believe exists. In the [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, [[The Wallflower]] told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> which would most likely classify her as either an atheist, a deist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|continued to pursue her]]. However, in his later, revised [[List of OkCupid Answers|OkCupid]] account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some [[Chris and sex|hanky panky]].

In another sudden turn, in his [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman-using fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/products/god-jesus-t-shirt Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

Self-inflicted taint wound

2016-07-25T01:11:56Z

Res:

On 24 July 2016, Chris announced in a Facebook post that he believed he grew a labia as a result of watching Subliminal Frequencies videos.

Discussion on the Kiwi Farms forum indicates that it's more likely that Chris's taint from the [[Un-clit|Un-clit]] had reopened into a wound, forming an abscess which poses serious health risks to him.

==Chris's demented version of events==
{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 11:40 am

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

As a number of online people may be aware, I have been grooving with the subliminal frequencies and binaural beats towards my transition from male to female body. The source being the Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis Wizards Binaural Beats channel on YouTube. Last March, I've started simple with growing my breasts out with their Breast Growth Hormone track; it worked to my amazement at a full inch outward per week in about two months. I've also listened to change my nipples to teats, as well as begin producing breast milk. Also, related, from a separate track on another channel, I have eased and cured the worst of my autism too. But since last May, I decided to take it a step further and begin my transition from male to female with the penis to vagina tracks, including the individual organ changing tracks, and for a while the Intersex track. And two Fridays ago, July 15, while I slept that night, my labia started splitting open, and I found the initial hole and blood the next morning. And over the few days that followed, the labia opened to its full length, and I've been dealing with the blood that came out. I have been keeping it clean, daily monitoring it, and treating it with rubbing alcohol. I have started the wheels in motion for the full HRT and SRS by Seeing My Doctor last Friday, because I felt like I didn't want to wait much longer to fully become the woman that I should have been born as.

With that, I have uploaded a photo of my labia onto imgur, http://m.imgur.com/gallery/pb1ovpJ, for all 18+ year old individuals to see. BUT, I do not want to be overrun with tabloid and paparazzi attention over this, or have a total big deal made.

As for my own statement to quote, I will state the following: Have belief and faith in what your body can do, and with such binaural beats and frequencies, as well as persistence and patience, what you'd like can happen for you.

And if you'd like to offer your support in my transition as well, I accept financial donations via PayPal to my email address, ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com.

Thank you, and have a good and safe day.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX4JC6NnvfGC9i3kwSFPFIg}}

==Replies==
People on Chris's friends list attempted to talk sense into him, to no avail.

Jessica Quinn
{{quotebox|...fuck it. I'm out. I don't even know what one can say about this. Why would you post something this messed up?

Good luck with whatever it is you're trying to do with your life. I tried.}}
{{quotebox|I just don't get it, WHY would you post this kind of stuff?

You were JUST complaining about how people invade every aspect of your life and that you wouldn't share anything so personal and now you do... THIS!

I don't even know what to think right now. My mind is blown.}}
Kenneth Englehardt
{{quotebox|I would advise most strongly against any nude photos of yourself on the internet. It is prime trolling stuff and it comes across as exercising extremely poor judgment. Jessica is absolutely 100% correct in this. Your nude photos of your "equipment" have absolutely no place on the internet.}}
Quinn
{{quotebox|Ken, it's a little more serious than that. This could be a major health problem brewing.}}
Quinn
{{quotebox|What's more important is his health.

Whomever is putting Christine up to this, please stop. This could lead to a serious life threatening health problem.

I know many people follow what goes on on this page - whomever is pulling the strings needs to stop. It's sick and twisted and a life could very well be at stake here.

Please Christine Weston Chandler, go and get looked at. I support your right to be who you want, but this is a very serious matter.}}
Englehardt
{{quotebox|Christine this could be a sign of an infection setting in? Do you understand that if this gets into your bloodstream you could very well end up in the ICU at the hospital. This isn't transitioning, this is endangering your health for nothing. This is bullshit. You have a family member who is dependent on your well-being.}}
Mellanie Chafe (deleted)
{{quotebox|She's...she's evolving!!! EVOLVING I TELL YOU!}}
Chafe
{{quotebox|I'm so confused...}}

==Second Facebook post==
A Kiwi Farms user named Doc Cassidy texted Chris, telling him to go to a hospital.
[[Image:Cwc doc cassidy.png|thumb|250px|]]

Two minutes later, Chris posted to Facebook again.
{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 2:20 pm

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined last night. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

Chris later edited the post, changing his story on when he supposedly got examined.
{{quotebox|

feeling annoyed.

I Have had my labia area examined today. No Infection at all. I am clean.}}

==More replies==
Quinn
{{quotebox|Please get a second opinion then. This is a serious matter.

If you weren't afraid to share this whole ordeal earlier, it shouldn't be a problem to prove you've gone to the doctor's to get checked out. Paperwork, a receipt, hell a parking ticket to prove you actually went.

You could be putting yourself at serious risk Christine. People are truly worried about you. Please don't brush it off!}}
Englehardt
{{quotebox|Christine, I saw that picture of your "labia". That is not a vagina, that's a fistula with a possible perineal abscess developing. This won't be visible from the surface. I don't who has been fucking with your head in this manner but a number of us are upset not only for your sake but for Barbara's sake as well.}}
Jennifer Marie
{{quotebox|I wouldn't necessarily call it a fistula, the initial piercing would be considered a fistula; however, that certainly is not a labia. Chris, this cannot be comfortable. I'm glad it's not infected, but that is a very deep wound, and you need to take care of it properly, or else it will get infected very quickly, and very badly (think of when your mom had wounds on her butt infected...). I would not want to see you end up in the hospital with a systemic infection.}}
Seamus Campbell
{{quotebox|???? Huh?}}

==Damage Control==
Hours after making the initial post, and seeing the scathing criticism and pleas for him to get the wound treated from his Facebook friends, Chris claimed the whole thing was a hoax. This is unlikely, as Chris does not have the skills to photoshop the wound in his photo. It was most likely a ploy because he regretted posting a photo for his trolls.

{{quotebox|
24 July 2016 at 7:07 pm

Hey, Trolls. Gotcha! That photo was a fake. I have no wound down there. And, by the way, "abcess" implies presence of Pus; there is NO pus in the photo. Crazy people. To clarify: the photo was a hoax.

Have a good day.}}

==Photo of the wound==
{{collapsible
|WARNING. THIS IS AN IMAGE OF AN ABSCESS ON CHRIS'S TAINT|<center><gallery>
File:Labia NSFW.jpg|The "labia."
</gallery></center>}}