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Sonichu 0

2020-06-19T14:30:00Z

S679:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #0
| cover = issuezero.jpg
| coverdate = 24 November 2004
| began = 3 January 2004
| finishedcomic = 24 March 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 1-3
| sub-episodes = 1
| previous = n/a
| next = [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]
}}
'''''Sonichu #0''''' is the first issue of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|magnum opus]]''. At this initial stage, the comic was ''almost'' entirely about [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], although bits of Chris's life still managed to find their way in.

The "hand-drawn premiere issue" is a special zero issue. In the comics industry, zero issues are used as either a sales-enhancing gimmick (Image Comics is a notable user of this) or a special preview of work that will not truly begin until issue #1. Given that it previews nothing, which one Chris was going for is probably the former, though given that it's not legally able to be sold, it fails even that.

The comic consists of Sonichu's first three adventures. In "Sonichu's Origin", the core cast of the series is introduced as Sonichu and Rosechu are created. Then, in "Genesis of the Lovehogs", the two protagonists meet and immediately fall in love. Finally, in "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc", our yellow hero does battle with his first real villain, who but foreshadows the challenges awaiting the hedgehogs in the following issue. Bonus material in ''Sonichu'' #0 includes various advertisements for imaginary Sonichu products, "classic" Sonichu comic strips drawn outside of the narrative of the main comic book, and the first "Sub-Episode".

Chris began working on ''Sonichu'' #0 by creating the cover on 24 November [[2004]] (although many of the classic strips predate this). He completed the primary story on 15 March [[2005]], although he was inspired by real-life events to return to this work and add the first-ever sub-episode featuring himself. In August 2017, Chris posted images showing a revised cover, in which his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|self-insert]] was replaced by his [[Night Star|ponysona]].

==Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu's Origins
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.511267755634375.1073741826.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 1''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_1 ''Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_1{{!}}''Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP1.htm ''Episode 1''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgnJEX1TCQc&index=3&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 1''}}

===Disclaimer Page===
{{quote|<nowiki>*Any names</nowiki>, or persons, illustrated in any of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu Comics]], except that of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise [[parody|parodic]].<nowiki>*</nowiki>|The Disclaimer}}
''Sonichu'' #0 features the first instance of the Disclaimer Page, in which Chris draws a squiggly line of insanity around the definitions of [[copyright]] and [[parody]]. This page will bear repeating in every subsequent episode and is read before every [[Videobook]].
[[File:Sonichu fanart.png|thumb|right|Unfortunately, this is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|tablet-drawn, so it's terrible]].]]

===Synopsis===
A wild male [[Pikachu]] wanders through a field until he notices catastrophic destruction five "[[Chris and English|mies]]" away in [[Station Square]], where the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] is running rampant. He runs to the city, where he finds [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] battling the monster, using the [[Chaos Emeralds]] to transform into Super Sonic. Perfect Chaos counterattacks, hurling Sonic directly into the Pikachu, with the resulting collision causing the Chaos Emeralds' energy to mingle with that of Pikachu's, releasing a powerful [[rainbow]] (with the wrong order of colors) into the sky.

Fifteen miles away, the rainbow touches down in front of the house of (female) Pokémon trainer [[Kel]], whose female [[Raichu]] is caught in the blast. At both endpoints of the rainbow, the Pokémon affected are transformed into hedgehog-like creatures. Kel discovers that her Raichu is now pink, standing upright, wearing a red dress (somehow; as a Raichu she wore nothing), and capable of human speech. She remarks dubiously that this new species of Pokémon is "as pretty as a rose", and thus coins the name [[Rosechu]].

The former Pikachu awakens from the collision with Sonic and, failing to notice his transformation, joins Sonic in the battle against Perfect Chaos. His thunder attack defeats the monster, and the apparently blind gathering crowd mistakes him for Sonic (who has now departed until [[Sonichu 1]]) as they cheer him on. Later, after considering his new role in the universe, he names the species he has evolved into "Sonichu", in honor of his brief ally (rather than the fact that the design is obvious plagiarism from Sonic and Pikachu, as many assume).

{{quote|I am no longer a Pikachu, so with inspiration, I am now... SONICHU!}}

Episode 1 will later on be remade as a [[LittleBigPlanet]] [[LittleBigPlanet videos#Sonichu Episode 1 LittleBIGPlanet Level|level]].

===Analysis===
It's about as bad as you'd expect. Not only is the plot bland, it makes no sense; a Pikachu coming into contact with Super Sonic not only manages to turn that Pikachu into Sonichu, but also creates a rainbow that turns a Raichu into Rosechu? Super Sonic exists pretty much just to create the Sonichus, none of the other player characters from Sonic Adventure show up (not even Amy, which raises even further questions about how Rosechu even ''exists''), and there's a typo on the first page.

{{clear}}

==Introductions==
{{Resources
| title =Introductions / Genesis of the Lovehogs
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.511267755634375.1073741826.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 2''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_8 ''Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_2{{!}}''Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP4.htm ''Episode 2''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u04TTF2qfaY&index=4&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 2''
}}

Cartoon CWC takes some time out of the thrilling saga of Sonichu to provide exposition about key elements of the upcoming stories, with profiles on [[CWCville]] (as Chris puts it, the "cartoon world"), Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel, [[Naitsirhc]], [[Black Sonichu]], the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Flame the Sunbird]]. Chris hints at the significance of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], [[Sarah Nicole Hammer#Saramah Rosechu|Saramah Rosechu]] and [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and briefly mentions the villains of the series: [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Jerkop]]s. The greatest attention is given to [[Chris and his Ego|Christian himself]] and the fact that [[Love Quest|he needs a girlfriend]].

==Episode 2: "Genesis of the Lovehogs"==
[[Image:202-SchuRchuKissPSPWall.jpg|thumb|"Mine, and '''THE FIRST''' romantic attempt, and I did an ''AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB''"....]]
The bewildering title suggests that this is about the literal CREATION of the "Lovehogs", but it is, in fact, the beginning of their utterly rushed romance. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is wandering through the forest for no given reason. A week has passed since he was forcefully evolved by the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and he has found that in his larger form he cannot receive adequate sustenance from the diet of a [[Pikachu]] (which is nuts and apples). He is also overcome with a newly found sense of loneliness, being the only [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in existence – at least, insofar as he is aware.

Just then, Sonichu notices [[Rosechu]] standing by a stream. He is [[Love Quest|instantly attracted]] to this similar species of hedgehog, and quietly '''stalks her''' as she returns to her home. Lurking in the bushes, Sonichu sees that Rosechu lives with her trainer, [[Kel]], and decides that he can [[May 2014 Facebook Posts|beg this person for food]].

Inside, Rosechu [[Stress sigh|complains]] of her loneliness. Kel generously offers her [[Pokémon#David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite|Dragonite named David]] for [[Hanky-panky|companionship]], but Rosey dismisses the offer, claiming the Dragonite is "too big" (infer what you will) and that Kel can have him (again, infer what you will). Just then Rosechu answers a knock at the door to find Sonichu [[June_2014_Facebook_Posts#Wow|panhandling for change]]. Immediately smitten, she aggressively pulls him into the cabin and has Kel cook them dinner, a lovely [[Wikipedia:Brunswick stew|Brunswick stew]] cooked in the microwave – Chris did not think to call it Bruns-CWC-stew.

{{quote|As long as birds tweet, you are my lovely heartsweet|Sonichu, attempting to be romantic to a girl he met 5 days ago.}}

Within a few days, Sonichu and Rosechu are inseparable. One night, while staring at [[the Moon]] out by the lake, they interlock tails and share their first kiss, in the first of far too many sappy and clichéd love scenes. Some readers have pointed out that, based on how Chris draws this scene, the two appear to be French Kissing.

===Analysis===
Given Christian's own [[Love Quest|inability to get laid]], "Genesis of the Lovehogs" provides fascinating insight into how he believes romance is supposed to work: boy sees girl, [[Megan Schroeder|boy stalks girl for five minutes]], girl wants to have sex with boy the second she lays eyes on him, happiness ensues.

===Advertisement 1===
The first of many [[parody]] ads appears between Episodes 2 and 3; this particular ad is for two ill-fated ''Sonichu'' games for Game Boy Advance: ''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.
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==Episode 3: "Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc"==
{{Resources
| title =Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.511267755634375.1073741826.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 3''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_19 ''Episode 3''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Episode_3{{!}}''Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP10.htm ''Episode 3''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIH-yP5iGUA&index=5&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Sonichu 3''}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND]]

===Synopsis===
We find Sonichu in [[CWCville Mall]], confronting [[Naitsirhc Giovanni]] riding a [[Zapdos]] that is clutching [[Rosechu]] in its talons. When hostage negotiations fail, the battle is on, and Sonichu briefly recalls how the situation arose.

Earlier in the day, [[Kel]] took her Pokémon into town to run errands, and allowed Rosechu to go shopping with Kel's credit card. Sonichu was entrusted to restrain Rosey's [[Women's rights|uncontrollably lavish spending]] – she is not to exceed $100. But, he quickly abandoned this duty to please his lover. Later in the food court, the couple visited a fast-food restaurant; being female, the feeble Rosechu could only eat a salad, while Sonichu attempted to eat a [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Baffler Meal]] and became sick from eating [[pickle]]s, claiming he did not know the burger came with pickles, even though (unless specified) pickles are one of the main garnishings on burgers. It was at this point that Zapdos ambushed the hedgehogs, capturing Rosey.

Using standard Pokémon fighting techniques (of which Pikachu is incapable), Sonichu shows up Zapdos with his Sky Uppercut and Mega Kick. For the ''coup de grâce'', Sonichu uses Double Team to confuse Zapdos with mirages of himself; he then uses this diversion to rescue Rosey before his duplicates zap the Zapdos, defeating it. Naitsirhc recalls the Zapdos to its Pokéball and swears he will challenge Sonichu again before riding off on a [[Raikou]]. Chris evidently believed that a shopping mall is a perfectly natural setting for this kind of thing to occur in.

Not once is it brought up that Rosechu could have easily electrocuted the Zapdos herself. A smart idea was she would find some tool on her person to use on the Zapdos to free herself.

Since this is Sonichu's first public outing in which he is not mistaken for [[Sonic]], he is heralded as a hero by the people of CWCville. [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] makes his debut as a full-fledged character, and, in his capacity as the city's mayor, congratulates the yellow hedgehog. Rosechu thanks her man for saving her, and Kel makes her final appearance until ''Sonichu'' #10.

{{quote|There he goes... with a grin on his face. In the end, he'll say "One girlfriend please|Sonichu on Chris's Love Quest}}

{{quote|Because he'll probably fail again...|Sonichu speaking the truth}}

Later, in the first of many segments that break the fourth wall, Christian and Sonichu leave the mall talking about the high quality of this issue of Sonichu, and Sonichu expresses amazement and incredulity when he learns that Christian's obvious talent has not earned him a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. Christian drives off to the [[Fashion Square Mall]] to continue his [[Love Quest]], while Sonichu morbidly admires his father's persistence in the face of certain failure. Why Sonichu refers to him as "father" when Chris was uninvolved in his in-universe creation, but Chris's laissez-faire relationship with the fourth wall means that Sonichu (and many ensuing characters) have an inherent knowledge of their real-life genitor.

===Analysis===
[[Image:SchuComicPage25_detail.jpg|thumb|Gotta Catch 'Em All!]]
Episode 3 is a good example of early [[CWCville]]. Sonichu is just a Mary Sue for Christian to play in a Sonic-inclusive-Pokéworld. Naitsirhc's motivation is that he's ''GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'' for his gangster father, Giovanni. Contrast this with his later incarnation, [[Reldnahc]], or Chris's enemies in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].
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==Classic Sonichu Strips==
{{Resources
| title = Classic Sonichu Strips
| facebook = https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.511267755634375.1073741826.100002534669114&type=3 ''Classic Strips''
| cwcipedia = http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_28 ''Classic Strips''
| videobook = Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Classic_Comic_Strips{{!}}''Classic Strips''
| sonichusite = http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP14.htm ''Classic Strips''
}}

Pages 28–34 of this issue feature comic strips drawn throughout [[2004]].

# 25 years into the future, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (now evolved into [[Metonic]]) recycles a joke from ''[[Excel Saga]]'' while chopping logs, while [[Rosechu]] (now evolved into [[Vamprosa]]) compliments his hard work. The title of the strip is by itself a recycling of "Mobius 25 Years Later", an arc from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog#Comics|''Sonic'' comics]].
# Sonichu asks Rosechu how things are going, and she explains she's been busy "being beautiful" but confesses that she hates working so hard at it (Chris evidently believes [[Women's rights|this is all women do and think about]]). Sonichu demonstrates his amazing ability to listen to women and respect their feelings (hint, hint, YOUNG LADIES) until Rosey calls out [[Black Sonichu]] for stalking them – she was happy enough when Sonichu was doing it, though. This is also the first mention of Black Sonichu – who would not be created until Episode 4.
# "Christian & Sonichu vs. the Mastermind": [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and Sonichu defeat [[Mary Lee Walsh]] with the combined power of Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Sonichu's thunder attack. This would later be revised and turned into the conclusion of [[Sonichu_2#Sub-Episode_3:_Christian_Chandler_.26_Sonichu_in_.22Witch_Confront.22|Sub-Episode 3]].
# Sonichu and [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] rescue [[Barbara Chandler]] from [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]. Barbara is depicted characterizing Sonichu as Christian's son, which would make her the grandmother to and Electric Hedgehog – and making Sonichu and Rosechu guilty of incest.
# [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is beaten up by [[Jerkop]]s, under orders from Mary Lee Walsh, whom the reader knows nothing about and whose motives will never be made clear. Rosechu, being female, stands around without intervening, for no clear reason. Her only role is to be exiting a store and yell "Oh no, Chris!". Eventually, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer#Saramah Rosechu|Saramah Rosechu]], who we have never met, arrives to save Chris so that he can reassure himself that he is still important in the life of a woman he cannot have sex with, with Sarah/Nicole saying she will assist him in his Love Quest, friend zoning him in the end. This Sub-[[Sub-Episode]] is later reincorporated into [[Sub-Episode 7]] in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], being the opening to the sub-episode, leaving Mary Lee Walsh/Slaweel to get revenge on Chris (not Saramah, the one responsible for her defeat). Saramah would not be officially in the comic until Issue 2.
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==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.511267755634375.1073741826.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_35 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| videobook =Sonichu_0_Official_Videobook#Sub_Episode_1{{!}}''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''}}
[[Image:Jerkhief_my_soul_hurts.jpg|thumb|MY SOUL HURTS!]]
One year and seven months into [[Christian]]'s [[Love Quest]], he ponders his lack of progress while listening to music on his Nintendo DS. Just then, the enormously fat [[niggos|black]] [[Jerkhief]] towers over Chris, rightfully calling him out and accusing Chris of soliciting sex. Chris is outraged by this correct assessment of his actions and valiantly defends his honor. The Jerkhief summons his [[Jerkops]] to handcuff Chris, but his keen tactical mind allows him to spot his assailant and dodge them, somehow causing a Jerkop to handcuff himself. Chris kicks a Jerkop in his [[duck]] and backhands another Jerkop square in the face, giving him enough breathing room to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The Jerkhief responds by summoning his Metal Armor (which only gets a "tick-tock clock" panel rather than a full transformation scene, and a pitched battle begins. Chris-Chan uses Mega Kick, Double Team, Mirror Coat, and Thunderbolt to disarm the Jerkhief, and honorably offers mercy to his defeated foe. But the Jerkhief is without honor; defiant to the end, he fires a handgun at Chris-Chan, who uses Barrier to deflect the pitiful attack.

His enemy beaten, Chris decides to unleash his Special Ultimate Attack, the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] (known as Shin-Ye-ha-me-ha in edited comics). The Jerkhief initially feels no adverse effect and rises to fight back, but the curse soon sets in; he slips on a banana peel that appeared out of nowhere, knowing Chris [[Obesity|couldn't have eaten it]], breaks his glasses and learns that his wife has just divorced him over his smoking habit, taking the custody to his kids, house, and everything he owns with her (all of this somehow takes place within the brief skirmish at the mall). The Jerkhief's life is shattered, and Chris makes sure he knows that he deserved all of it. The Jerkhief cries that his soul hurts; Chris [[Chris and his Ego|responds that he's suffered worse,]] presumably referring to the soul-rending agony of being forced to stop soliciting sex on private property, ending the comic with "My heart was previously shattered".

===Analysis===
This is the first, though [[Sonichu 4|ce]][[Sonichu 8|rta]][[Sonichu 10|inly]] not the last, time Chris would use his comic to create bizarre power fantasies in which he was [[Chris and reality|victorious in events he was not in real life]]. Sub-Episode 1, along with the other Sub-Episodes, is reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]].

[[Niggos|Note that the Jerkhief is black]]. [[Chris and English|Also note that Chris misspelled the title, spelling "-tastrophe" as "-tastropie"]].

===Advertisement 2===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming <s>soon</s> never exclusively for the Nintendo GameCube! (Note that Chris drew most of the GameCube dress by hand, but likely forgot the "Only for" label and thus had to photoshop it in.)

This ad appeared between the Classic Sonichu Strips and Sub-Episode 1 in the initial release of ''Sonichu'' #0 but moved to the back cover on the more recent [[CWCipedia]] version. Ads for ''Sonichu Adventure'' would continue to run in future issues, all the way through to [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]].
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Pages from Sonichu 0
|<gallery>
File:Issuezero.jpg|Cover
File:Sonichu - Jargon Page.jpg|Disclaimer<ref>The disclaimer originally appeared only as text under the cover image.</ref>
</gallery><gallery caption="Episode 1: Sonichu's Origin">
File:e0p2.jpg|Page 1
File:e0p3.jpg|Page 2
File:e0p4.jpg|Page 3
File:e0p5.jpg|Page 4
File:e0p6.jpg|Page 5
File:e0p7.jpg|Page 6
File:e0p8.jpg|Page 7
File:e0p9.jpg|Page 8
File:e0p10.jpg|Page 9
File:e0p11.jpg|Page 10
File:e0p12.jpg|Page 11
File:Sonichu - Episode 1, Page 12.jpg|Page 12 (original)
</gallery><gallery caption="Episode 2: Genesis of the Lovehogs">
File:e0p14.jpg|Page 13
File:e0p15.jpg|Page 14
File:e0p16.jpg|Page 15
File:e0p17.jpg|Page 16
File:e0p18.jpg|Page 17
File:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|Page 18 ([[Game Boy]] advert)
</gallery><gallery caption="Episode 3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc">
Image:e0p20.jpg|Page 19
Image:e0p21.jpg|Page 20
File:Sonichu - Episode 3, Page 3.jpg|Page 21 (original)
Image:e0p23.jpg|Page 22
Image:e0p24.jpg|Page 23
Image:e0p25.jpg|Page 24
File:Sonichu - Episode 3, Page 6.jpg|Page 25 (original)
File:Sonichu - Episode 3, Page 7.jpg|Page 26 (original)
Image:e0p28.jpg|Page 27
</gallery><gallery caption="Classic Sonichu Strips">
File:Sonichu - Classic Strips, 13 June 2004.jpg|Page 28 (original)
Image:e0p30.jpg|Page 29
File:SchuComicPage30.jpg|Page 30 (original)
Image:e0p32.jpg|Page 31
Image:e0p33.jpg|Page 32
File:Sonichu - Classic Strips, Page 6.jpg|Page 33 (original)
File:Sonichu - Classic Strips, Page 7.jpg|Page 34 (original)
File:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Page 35 ([[Sonichu (game)#Sonichu Adventure|Sonichu Adventure]] advert)
</gallery><gallery caption="Sub-Episode 1: Jerkop-tastropie">
File:e0p36.jpg|Page 36<ref>Page 36 was repeated on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu]] website: compare [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP18.htm this page] with [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuSubE1P1.htm this page].</ref>
Image:e0p37.jpg|Page 37
Image:e0p38.jpg|Page 38
Image:e0p39.jpg|Page 39
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 5.jpg|Page 40 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 6.jpg|Page 41 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 7.jpg|Page 42 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 8.jpg|Page 43 (original)
Image:e0p44.jpg|Page 44
Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|Page 45
</gallery><gallery caption="Revised pages from the [[Miyamoto emails|Miyamoto Saga]]">
File:e0p13.jpg|Page 12
File:e0p22.jpg|Page 21
File:e0p26.jpg|Page 25
Image:e0p27.jpg|Page 26
Image:e0p29.jpg|Page 28
Image:e0p31.jpg|Page 30
Image:e0p34.jpg|Page 33
Image:e0p35.jpg|Page 34
File:e0p40.jpg|Page 40
File:e0p41.jpg|Page 41
File:e0p42.jpg|Page 42
File:e0p43.jpg|Page 43
</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Sonichu (comic)]]
*[[Sonichu (character)]]
*{{c|Sonichu 0 Cover Parodies}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Recharged: origins
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GIDhnQUmr4k}}
| stardate = 7 [[January 2019]]
| maker = Otis Le PoOtis
| subject - ''Sonichu'' #0
| type =
| info =
}}
== References ==

<references/>

==External links==

[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBYThURjdTbjFEMWs Download this episode as a .zip file]

[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0YAeeOBqtP3OXJuMG5idVBWVXc/view?usp=drivesdk Download Sonichu 0 as a .cbz file, so you can read it the way GodBear and Jesus intended.]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

14 Branchland Court

2019-08-17T04:47:08Z

S679:

[[File:14bc June 2019.jpg|thumb|The house in 2019]]
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, being surprisingly ([[Manchester High Leaks|almost]]) modest.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Number 14 was aflame in '14. LOL
|[[December 2016 Facebook posts|Chris]], on the two-year anniversary of his [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]].
}}
[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:ChrisHouseMap.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]], also currently known as '''[[Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video|Sonichu Headquarters]]''', is the last bastion of [[autism]]. This is the vile lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]], and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It was a white two-storey house with dark red trimming (which faded to ivory and pink respectively) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, although since its renovation has been repainted in beige with dark green shutters. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]],<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref> the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding.

Chris and his family have notoriously spent decades constantly filling up the house with tons of garbage and junk. In earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday in [[2002]], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy; but, in his [[Tour of Christian's House|first video tour]], Chris kept referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has only grown fuller and fuller ever since. "Clutter" is, of course, a grievous understatement; the entire house is packed with garbage, to the point where junk will fill up entire rooms and reach within two feet of the ceiling (the living room was, for a while, basically inaccessible due to all the accumulated junk). Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid, impassable slabs of filth like in the living room, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the alarming implications of the house's condition (with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and feared that Chris's video tours could've elicited the attention of the [http://www.vdh.virginia.gov/LHD/ThomasJefferson/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. In the wake of Bob making that remark, [[weens]] made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to [[Chores|simple maintenance]], like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts seemed to amount to little more than preventing himself from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. Barb apparently threatened to throw him out of the house if he were to attempt to dispose of some of her hoard of useless shit.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a [[computer]], but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Whether or not Barb did it to stop Bob from using the computer is unknown, but at any rate he did.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]] in 2011, it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 [[January 2014]], Chris reported that the house had sustained major structural damage from an [[Destruction Of Chris's House|early-morning house fire]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy the cat, and other possessions made it out safely, and they spent about a year in a [[rental house]]--which they predictably completely trashed--before moving back to the renovated 14 Branchland Court in [[December 2014]]. Although Chris was temporarily detained in jail after his misadventure on the [[26 December 2014|26th]], he was later released on bail and moved back into his house in [[January 2015]].

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. Chris naturally attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system, but as this article explains, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.

The original number of the house was '''46 Branchland Court''' - it is mentioned in sources pre-2000, such as [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]'s postcard to Barbara in 1994. It was changed to 14 sometime after 2000.

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}

[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]

In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so cluttered that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

{{clear}}

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]

In the north corner is what Christian mystifyingly describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of Barbara Chandler, who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late Bob Chandler, who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, then they were never filmed.

{{clear}}

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|Barbara moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] here over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed (well, [[Bob Walks In|mostly undisturbed]]). The living room, filled with garbage to the point of uselessness, is across the stairway from Chris's room. Though since renovations, it is likely used as Chris's [[Chris's room#Work room|work room]] for storing toys and shooting videos.

{{clear}}

===Yard===
[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

In earlier pictures (when Chris was slimmer and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the Chandlers' yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and trees healthy. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents got too old and/or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

The yard now consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since died. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where Bob would tinker with machines. At one point, when Chris was a boy, the shed was known as the "dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C," and Bob would try to teach Chris how to build things - although Chris could not recollect what they had built.<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

The Chandlers were known to possess at least two riding lawn mowers. Chris whined about using one in the [[Father Call]]. Barb bought a new mower - a Craftsman Riding Lawn Tractor - for $1,400, on 26 October 2011;<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-1-21-17-moving-forward-still-wants-to-sell-the-lawn-tractor.725/page-2#post-7223</ref> five years later, she attempted to sell it on [[Craigslist]] for $595. The second mower is presumably the one seen in photos of the yard after the house fire, as the listing includes the tarp that is seen covering it. The mower had been so inactive that Chris noted the old gas would need to be replaced.

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an untrimmed lawn, in addition to the above.

{{clear}}

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House II}}

In 2013, a video was leaked by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris's home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say, especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012, the house became even ''more'' of a mess in the following years. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess--the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or his mother have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that every so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Borb|his parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

By this time, the bug infestation appears to have been gotten rid of, or at least contained. It was stated before that the infestation was so bad that Chris was confined to his room in order to avoid getting bitten, but in this video, no bugs are seen and Chris makes no mention of them.

==Destruction of the Chandler Household==
[[Image:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|right|Witness image of 14 Branchland Court on fire. On Facebook, Chris blamed Keurig for causing the fire, but later let slip in an email that it was plugged into a "heavy-duty" extension cord in the basement bathroom.]]

{{Main|Destruction Of Chris's House}}

On 10 January 2014, a fire broke out at the Chandler household. According to Chris, this was caused by a worn extension cord plugged into a coffee machine, which sparked and started the blaze. Chris, his mother, the beagles and Lucy (one of the cats) made it out safely, surprising when you consider how much clutter was obstructing the stairways. The firefighters could not effectively navigate the house through either door, and were forced to enter through the windows. Sadly, one of the cats (revealed to be Scamper by Chris in February 2016) perished in the fire, and was later buried in the backyard.

The Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to take his wallet, medication for his mother, some clothes, and his iPhone. The day after the fire, he and his mother were allowed to reenter the structure, and he learned to his relief that many of his personal possessions, including his games, his computers, and his artwork, had survived. His [[Lego]] [[high school]] survived, albeit partially melted. Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]] shortly after the fire, suggesting that he managed to save his [[Nintendo]] 3DS or Wii U at some point. However, it can be assumed that much of the hoard suffered fire, smoke, and/or water damage.

As completely tragic as this incident was, it did not come as much of a surprise, given Barbara's hoarding and Chris's unwillingness or inability to control his mother's compulsions or properly clean. As pointed out by quite a few concerned people, the house had ''always'' been a health and safety hazard, and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Sadly, Chris was unable or unwilling to act on this well-meaning advice, and, as a result, reaped what he and his family had sown.

Chris and his mother stayed at a rental house for most of 2014 as repairs to 14 Branchland Court were made. They also rented a storage locker. To the shock of absolutely no one, Chris and Barb managed to trash that house up as well; photos taken by Chris showed rodent shit on the house's carpeting, and [[Rental House Tour|eyewitness reports]] showed that the conditions in the rental house were basically the same as they were at 14 Branchland Court. Trolls reported in [[April 2015]] that the house was still vacant four months after Chris and Barb moved out.

For reasons which are not entirely clear, the renovation of the house took much longer than anticipated. Nevertheless, the worst fears, that the house would be condemned or the renovations would not be finished, were unrealized. In December 2014 and January 2015, the Chandlers moved back in.

==Return of the Chandler Household==

[[File:14bc215.jpg|thumb|left|A renovated 14BC.]]

On the 6th of December, 2014, Chris announced on [[Facebook]] that his home had finally been repaired, and he would be moving back in near the start of the [[2015|new year]]. While some were hopeful that Chris would learn from this experience, take better care of his home and not cause it to be the clusterfucked fire hazard it was last time, it ''really'' hasn't seemed hopeful, [[Autism|given]] [[Barb|certain]] [[Chris_and_health#Living_conditions|factors]].

Ever a busy man, Chris managed to fit a [[26 December 2014|run-in with the law on Boxing Day, followed by two days in jail]] into his moving schedule. Once he was released on bond on 29 December, Chris was shortly back to complaining about having a "Charlie Horse [sic]" from moving his mother's hoard back to the house. Because, you know, that was his main concern, rather than his impending trial in February. Naturally, it didn't seem to have crossed his mind that, being a repeat offender, he probably wouldn't get to enjoy his renovated house for long.

After Chris's second hearing in April started and finished half an hour early, and they failed to make it in, the Christorians who took it upon themselves to attend decided to make the most of their visit and go on a tour of and take photos of the major places in Chris' life, including 14 Branchland Court. Their photographs showed that the Chandler headquarters have been modernized, and no longer looks like ''total'' shit. This is partially due to the modernized exterior, and partially due to most of the hoard still being in storage. Photographs also showed some sort of outhouse in the backyard raised off the ground, and currently full of the hoard.

===Current state===

{{quote|A loving fairly well kept home of my father. I kept it up..|Chris, lying to himself about the state of his home in([[Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video|Sonichu Headquarters Google Intro Video]])
}}

[[File:Sonic Totem and More.png|thumb|250px|A room filled with what is presumably Barb's hoard.]]

In the few years after having the house rebuilt, the Chandlers' negligence and hoarding is slowly turning it back to its filthy, cluttered past, proving, like mother like son, Barb is just as incapable of learning from her mistakes as Chris.

One of the bathrooms apparently has a clogged shower drain,<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#Clogged_shower_drain</ref> possibly stuffed up with Chris's seaweed [[hair]]. His solution was to pour Liquid Plumr into it and whine that every house should have two bathtubs.

<center><gallery>
File:Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!! original.mp400001.png|The carpet
</gallery></center>
Other changes:

*The [[kitchen]], formerly inaccessible, can be used for cooking. Chris has used it to [[Specimen Sample|store his navy]].

*Chris's [[bedroom]] is now on the first floor, his former room being used for storage.

*The downstairs living room, formerly full of Barb's hoard, is Chris's toy-filled work room.

{{clear}}

==The Tour III==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House III}}

Chris filmed a third tour during [[March 2018]]. While his house is shown being '''''very''''' slightly less messy than it normally is, even that's being ridiculously charitable. Chris's room is packed to the rafters with all sorts of clothes and Rubbermaid bins, though it's semi-accessible, and shockingly, so are the oven and kitchen sink. Overall, he is shown having less of a struggle walking through his house, but there is still plenty of junk accumulating over the tables, hallways, kitchen, and shelves, suggesting it's only soon before long that the house will return to being the fire hazard that it was not too long ago.

==Mortgage==
There is a large mortgage on the property, which is a significant factor in the [[Financhu Crisis]]. As of 31 August 2016, the amount owed is '''$115,000''', according to Chris<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!]]</ref>.

Research by Christorians indicated the following:

*There is a '''second mortgage''' on the property, for more than the property is actually worth.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-11-21-help-please.25958/page-12#post-1900319</ref>
*There was a Deed of Trust filed in April 2009 for $130,000.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-11-21-help-please.25958/page-11#post-1896956</ref>
*The company that issued the mortgage was originally [https://www.suntrust.com/ SunTrust Bank], and then SunTrust initiated a mortgage transfer to [https://seterus.com/ Seterus]. Monthly payments are around $800.<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts|Whining about the mortgage]]</ref>
*It's estimated that they have a 30-year mortgage with a 5% interest rate.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-11-21-help-please.25958/page-12#post-1901342</ref>

Prior to 2016, Chris mentioned a mortgage twice.
*In February 2009, he stated in [[Mumble 4]] that "they do not have a mortgage on it."
*In [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Hmmph!|a post from August 2014]], he said, "I pay the monthly mortgage which kills most of my [[Monthly Tugboat|monthly]]."

==Foreclosure==
On May 8, 2018, Chris announced that the home could be foreclosed upon if they failed to make two mortgage payments the next day.<ref>[[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE#Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!|Please, HELP US! FORECLOSURE RISK HIGH!]]</ref>

==Neighbors==
[[Image:Ruckersville house prices near 14BC.jpeg|thumb|House prices in the vicinity of 14BC reported on Zillow in 2019. Note the decent price estimates of neighbouring buildings, while 14BC itself lacks a valuation altogether.]]
The Chandlers have had many interactions with neighbors.

*[[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] was one of Chris's neighbors when they were children.

*In the aftermath of the [[Destruction of Chris's house]], a neighbor allowed Chris and Barb to stay with them temporarily.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/January_2014_Facebook_Posts#FIRE.21</ref>

*Barb once tried to steal a neighbor's dog which had slipped out of its collar, but was forced to return it when the neighbor showed up at their door.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Clover_and_Snoopy#Stealing_a_Neighbor.27s_Dog</ref>

*At some point in 2014, a deeply paranoid Chris told of a feud - likely imagined - with a preteen neighbor whom he had suspected of stealing his old homework and passing it in for credit. According to Chris, the Chandlers (Barb and Chris) contacted Animal Control on the neighbor's cat and had it put to sleep, after it had scratched Chris. The neighbors allegedly retaliated by training a snake to invade 14 Branchland Court, egging the house and stealing some items.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Catherine_E-mails#Chris_the_Cat-Killer</ref>

*In 2015, Chris uploaded [[A few kicks]], a video of him kicking a soccer ball around in his yard. At one point, the ball enters the road and Chris gives chase. He abruptly stops once the ball enters a neighbor's driveway, possibly meaning that he had been told not to go on that property without permission.

*In 2017, one of Chris's cats, [[Sorbet]], was injured while outside and ended up under a neighbor's gutter.<ref>[[May_2017_Facebook_posts]]</ref>

*On 25 [[January 2019]], Chris tweeted how a neighbor angrily yelled at Chris for making his child [[tomgirl|question their gender identity]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-1-25-chris-says-neighbor-angry-at-him-for-kid-questioning-gender-identity.52619/</ref>

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it;
*It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his mother's mail on a regular basis.
*Barb will receive it and dismiss it as old news. Reports show that she has read some of the letters, seen everything in them before, and ignored them accordingly.

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The possible current state of 14 Branchland Court.]]

When occupied by the Chandlers, visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and trades the deed to it for magic beans, are ill-advised. Harassing the Chandlers at their house is not only the paragon of [[ween]] behavior, ''it is also a criminal offense'' and will probably result in you getting arrested. Chris and especially Barb shouldn't have to contend with the troll horde within the sanctum of their own home. We shouldn't have to be saying it at this point, but '''do not visit 14 Branchland Court to troll Chris or Barb'''.

Unless, of course, you ''are'' personally invited. To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], the [[Magical Man]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], [[Catherine]] and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them except Magical Man has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Chris has probably never realized this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.
* On 29 January 2016, Chris proved he hasn't learned a ''thing'' over the years when, in [[Update 1/29/2016 - There is NO PewDiePie or Felix here whatsoever|a video]] intended to dissuade [[trolls|well-meaning fans]] from sending mail to famous YouTuber [[PewDiePie]] (aka Felix Kjellberg) at his address, he felt the need to specify 14 Branchland Court as the address at which Kjellberg does not live.
* On 20 April 2019, Chris listed his address and phone number as part of the [[Wikipedia:Google My Business|Google My Business]] program under the name "Sonichu Headquarters." He also expressed desire that his house be made a Pokéstop.
When he and Barb stayed at the rental house, it didn't take long for him to [[Brushfire Video|drop ''that'' house's address]].

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
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File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
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</gallery>
</center>

On 3 [[March 2014]], pictures of the house post-fire were leaked on the forums. On the 3rd and 4th shots, note the damage to the left half of the roof, matching the location of the shot of the actual fire.
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<gallery>
File:14BCPostFire1.jpg|
File:14BCPostFire2.jpg|
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File:14BCPostFire4.jpg|
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</center>

On 14 [[April 2014]], more pictures were leaked on the forums. Most of the windows had now been boarded up as the repair work commenced, and a large tarpaulin was covering the section of the roof where the fire had broken out to stop water from getting in. Chris's second known [[Son-Chu|car]], a white Cadillac Seville, was in attendance at the time.

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Yet more pictures were leaked in [[April 2015]], showing the house as it appeared after the renovations.

<center><gallery>
File:14BCApril2015I.jpg
File:14BCApril2015G.jpg
File:14BCApril2015F.jpg
File:14BCApril2015D.jpg
File:14BCApril2015C.jpg
File:14BCApril2015B.jpg
File:14BCApril2015H.jpg|Barb's car, still for sale.
File:14BCApril2015E.jpg
File:14BCApril2015.jpg|The front yard, still a sty.
File:Bobs greenhouse.jpeg|Bob's old greenhouse.
File:Itj5aFp.jpg
</gallery></center>

More, from June 2017.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-217#post-2382102</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:14 BC in 2017 1.jpg|The lawn, overgrown but not ''quite'' as wrecked as it used to be.
File:14 BC in 2017 2.jpg|[[Son-Chu]], next to Barb's Dodge Caravan.
File:14 BC in 2017 3.jpg|While not visible in the photo, the license plate for Barb's car is "B. Weston".
File:14 BC in 2017 1.jpg|[[Patti]]'s doghouse.
</gallery></center>

And June 2019.
<center><gallery>
File:14bc June 2019.jpg
</gallery></center>

== Videos ==

'''Rammspieler'''

A video panorama view from the street, taken 5 February 2015.

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 14 Branchland Court: The Motion Picture
| video = {{#ev:youtube|nHRsavBhxGA}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
| maker = Rammspieler
| subject = 14 Branchland Court
}}

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
* [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]
* [[Property tax assessment]] - Last appraisal of the house made by Greene County before the fire.

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

Chandler Cats

2019-08-17T04:43:12Z

S679:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least eight '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Currently, Lucy, Sylvia, and Possie are still with the Chandlers as of [[2019]]. Six of the cats are confirmed to be deceased and Liza was given away.

==Cats currently residing at 14 Branchland Court==
===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 [[December 2004]], as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Of all the cats that have resided in the Chandler household Lucy is the one who has lived the longest.

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of [[2013]], thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

Chris posted a Facebook status on November 24, 2015 revealing Pollo, whom he introduces as a "new friend" for Lucy, confirming that she was still alive as of this date. This makes Lucy over ten years old, as well as the Chandlers' second longest-lasting known pet, after [[Patti Chandler|Patti]]. Lucy made an appearance in Chris's "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video on December 13, 2015, where she sat in Chris's lap throughout the video, but got down the instant Chris asked her if she loved him.
{{-}}

===Sylvia===
{{Needs Updating}}

{{quote|We have two more kittens that snuck in as well, but they’re in hiding. 😸😸😸<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031044543/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057421529590517760</ref>|Chris describing Sylvia and Liza.}}

[[File:Liza, Patches and Sylvia.jpg|From left to right: Liza, Patches and Sylvia.|thumb|250px]]

'''Sylvia''', is one of the three feral kittens Chris took in October 2018. She made an appearance in ''[[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]]''
<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031000827/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057418773077151744</ref> Chris tried to scam people out of money by claiming that it would be used to buy medicine, which later turned out to have been in their possession all along.

{{-}}

===Possie===
[[File:NewCat2.jpg|250px|thumb|Possie]]

'''Possie''' is another feral kitten Chris adopted in August 2019. She wandered inside while Barb was giving [[Clover and Snoopy]] a bath.<ref>[[August 2019 social media posts#Chris gets a new cat]]</ref>

{{clear}}

==Cats adopted out==
===Liza===
[[File:Tingles.jpeg|A photo of the kitten at the new home.|thumb|200px]]

'''Liza''', one of the three feral kittens Chris took in during October 2018, was adopted out to a friend of his from [[The End Games]], after [[The Captain]] arranged communication between them.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181104200921/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1059171974365073408</ref> The Captain also revealed that Liza is actually male and was renamed by his new owner as '''Tingles'''.

{{clear}}

==Deceased Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

'''Desi''' is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''' is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that he was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scamper was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Scamper briefly shows up during the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House|Tour of Christian's House]], in which he pauses for a moment before going outside to talk to them before continuing on his way. Other than that, Scamper appeared in comparatively few videos compared to Chris's other pets.

Very little info about him exists, except that, like Desi, he was not house-trained and shat everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scamper was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Chris [[CatKnight Interview 3|confirmed in February of 2016]] that Scamper was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in [[January 2014]]. According to Chris, the cleaners found the body of the cat behind the toilet, dead from smoke inhalation. The Chandlers buried Scamper in the backyard and had a moment of silence, but Chris seemed very apathetic about one of his pets passing. Prior to this, it was unclear whether it was Scamper or Kitty who was killed in the fire.
{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Very little is known of Skittles or its gender, but given the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], it was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
{{-}}

===Kitty===
[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty, the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really seemed to care about, evidenced by the fact that she was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kitty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

With Chris's confirmation that it was Scamper who died in the house fire, Kitty's status is unknown. It is unclear whether she died, ran away, or was given away by the Chandlers (unlikely, given her aggressive behavior), or when she left the Chandler household. All that is certain is that she was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by January of 2014.

===Pollo===
[[File:Pollo chandler.jpg|thumb|250px|Pollo Chandler]]

'''Pollo''' was introduced to the Chandler Household on 24 [[November 2015]]. Pollo [ˈpo.ʝo] is [[Spanish]] for "chicken", although it is also a shortening of "Apollo". Chris pronounces his name "pole oh", probably in an attempt to sound British, although "pollo" is pronounced the same way in England as it is in the rest of the English-speaking world (also unintentionally referencing the [[Wikipedia:Polo (confectionery)|British mints]] of the same name). His existence was revealed to the world by Chris via a [[Facebook]] status, which also confirmed that, as of November 24, 2015, Lucy is still alive as well. Pollo was referred to in the status as "Lucy's new friend".

In the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video, uploaded on December 13, 2015, Chris states that Pollo is an outside cat. Pollo makes his first appearance on video in [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement]]. He seemed to be in good health and shows affection for Chris, nuzzling him a few times.

Pollo made his second appearance in [[Chris's Specimen Sample]], still showing affection towards Chris. Viewers have noted the particularly large and loud collar he wears, and the fact that Chris attempts to get him to look at the camera.

He was featured in [[Happy Cat, Pollo *kiss* *kiss*]].

Just after midnight on 20 May 2018, Chris tweeted that Pollo was dying, posting a photo of him wrapped up in a blanket and saying Pollo was having difficulty breathing. As Chris was broke, he made a plea for [[eBay]] sales money in order to afford a trip to the vet if Pollo survived.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Pollo is dying]]</ref>

Sadly, Pollo passed away by early morning.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/998271176710406144</ref> He had been over 15 years old, an old age for a cat, at the time of his passing and was buried next to [[Patti Chandler|Patti]].<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/998271909816033280</ref>

{{-}}

===Sorbet===
[[File:Sorbet2.jpg|thumb|250px|Sorbet Chandler]]
Chris [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|announced on Facebook]] on 19 [[September 2016]] that he had a new cat, which he named Sorbet ("sor-BAY") because the cat's orange color reminded him of orange sorbet, a frozen fruit juice dessert similar to sherbet. Sorbet was part of a litter of four cats whom the Chandlers had been feeding for several months prior to September 2016. Two of the cats "went elsewhere", though Sorbet and his sister (whom Chris called "Orange Cream" because of her orange and white colors) remained. It currently is not known whether or not Chris has taken in both cats.

Half of Sorbet's left rear paw is missing, appearing to have been cut off. Chris found an inexpensive vet to treat the wound and allow Sorbet to be able to walk better. Chris kept him in his bedroom, with Lucy there to keep him company. Chris has stated that the donations he had been receiving from [[fans]] had helped him to better afford Sorbet's operation.

Like Pollo, Sorbet seems to be considerably more friendly towards Chris, and seems quite happy with being held. ''Unlike'' Pollo, Chris actually pronounces the name correctly ("sor-bay").

Sorbet makes a brief cameo in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid]], where the camera angle towards the end of the video shows that he is being held by Chris as he kicks a [[Transformers]] toy in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] over [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] winning the Presidential election.

[[File:Sorbet Sept2017.jpg||thumb|left|Sorbet, in a photo taken a few months after the accident.]]
Sorbet wandered off and was hit by a car on 19 [[May 2017]].
{{Quote|Sorbet was found today, by a neighbor. He had not returned home last night. Thank [[God]] I put my number on his tag. A neighbor found him, looking hurt, hiding in a gutter under their driveway. It took effort, and a water spray from a hose. We got him out; he suffered some head trauma; uneven pupil dialation, bruises and dings; some bleeding. Doctor said it looked like he was hit by a car. He's staying at the vet over the weekend for examination and bathing. Say a prayer for Sorbet in his quick recovery. We all love him. — feeling sad.<ref>[[May_2017_Facebook_posts]]</ref>}}
Uneven pupil dilation is a classic sign of [[Wikipedia:Traumatic brain injury|traumatic brain injury]], so it was speculated that Sorbet may not live for very long afterwards. Fortunately however, Chris [[May_2017_Facebook_posts#Sorbet back from the vet, recovering|did later confirm that]] Sorbet returned home and recovered from his injuries after a short stay at the vet, having been cleaned up and confirmed to still have his sight and hearing. However, Chris later released a [[Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy|video]] on the 29th of May where Sorbet is shown to have breathing difficulties.
{{-}}

Chris posted a photo of his cat Lucy for International Cat Day on 8 [[August 2017]]. Among Chris' followers, the lack of photos of Sorbet raised speculation of the cat's passing. To counter this claim, Chris shared a photo of Sorbet.<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/895243822543798272 Twitter photo of Sorbet]</ref> He appears again in the videos of Chris watching the [[Crescent_Eclipse|solar eclipse]] at the end of August, but his condition appears to have deteriorated – his eye is very dilated and glossy, and his breathing is painfully loud and strained. Despite his injuries and potential illness, he still attempts to show affection towards Chris, but his attempts at meowing come out as strained snorts and gurgles, indicating that he may have fluid in his lungs; whether this is a complication of the accident or an undiagnosed illness is not yet known.

On 17 [[May 2018]], Sorbet was declared missing, as confirmed by Chris' Facebook posts.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Sorbet is Missing]]</ref> Just 3 days after Sorbet's disappearance, Pollo died of natural causes, leading to two losses for the Chandler household within a single week. Three months later, Chris confirmed with a [[Kiwi Farms]] user that Sorbet is officially dead. Like [[Patti Chandler]], Sorbet's soul is cursed to roam [[CWCville]] for all eternity.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorbet-confirmed-kia.49289/</ref>

===Patches===
[[File:Patches with Chris, 31 October 2018.jpeg|thumb|200px|"Here’s Patches! My little shoulder friend. 😊⚡️💙⚡️"]]

'''Patches''' was the 8th of the Chandler cats and one of the three feral kittens Chris took in during October 2018. He was the first to come out and socialize on 30 [[October 2018]]. Upon discovery, he was taken to a vet for a checkup and be medicated for conjunctivitis on his left eye.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031000827/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057418773077151744</ref>

Of all the cats, Patches had the shortest time as Chris's pet. A week later, on 6 November, Patches passed away, apparently from complications from pneumonia,<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/3948697/</ref> after Chris had taken him to the vet multiple times.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/3947724/</ref>

{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate.
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi.
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]].
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]].
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
File:Please kill me.png|Lucy with Chris in the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video. Note her depressed expression.
File:14358753 1159491850811959 7297210147392903311 n.jpg|Pollo in September 2016.
File:14433018 1159491804145297 3015821214900701305 n.jpg|Lucy in September 2016.
File:14469471 1159491797478631 3097489880885381608 n.jpg|Sorbet in September 2016.
Image:Patches.jpg|Patches, October 2018, recovering from conjunctivitis.
File:Patches with Chris 2, 31 October 2018.jpg|Patches, next to Chris's huge head.
File:Patches with Chris, 2 November.jpg|In this disturbing photo, Patches is lying on a topless Chris's chest.
File:Sylvia 7 November 2018.jpg|Sylvia, November 2018
File:Sylvia with Chris in bed 8 Nov 2018.jpeg|Sylvia and Chris in bed, November 2018
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Chandler Cats

2019-08-17T04:38:29Z

S679:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.|[[Chris]], regarding [[June062010.MOV|molesting his cats]]}}

[[Image:Loldesi.jpg|thumb|[[Trolls]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|dudes of all teenages]] love Desi Chandler.]]

Chris and his family have had at least eight '''cats''' over the years. Chris regularly [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slips in their shit]]. It is not known whether the Chandlers actually own the cats, or if the cats were unfortunate enough to get lost within the piles of junk and were therefore unable to find their way to the outside world. Currently, Lucy, Sylvia, and Possie are still with the Chandlers as of [[2019]]. Six of the cats are confirmed to be deceased and Liza was given away.

==Cats currently residing at 14 Branchland Court==
===Lucy===
[[Image:0840-Lucy.JPG|thumb|Lucy Chandler]]

'''Lucy''' is a cat named after Lucille Ball, the other star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]''. It is not known when she became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that she was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 [[December 2004]], as she appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Of all the cats that have resided in the Chandler household Lucy is the one who has lived the longest.

Chris once greeted Lucy during a voice chat with [[Sarah May]], before Barbara told him to get off (before she goes off).<ref>[http://www.megavideo.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N]</ref>

Lucy was confirmed to be well and alive as of [[2013]], thanks to a status posted by Chris that included a current photo of Lucy in the great [[2013 Imgur Leak|2013 Facebook leak]]. Lucy survived the 2014 house fire along with Chris himself, Barb, and [[Clover and Snoopy]].<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts#FIRE!]]</ref>

Chris posted a Facebook status on November 24, 2015 revealing Pollo, whom he introduces as a "new friend" for Lucy, confirming that she was still alive as of this date. This makes Lucy over ten years old, as well as the Chandlers' second longest-lasting known pet, after [[Patti Chandler|Patti]]. Lucy made an appearance in Chris's "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video on December 13, 2015, where she sat in Chris's lap throughout the video, but got down the instant Chris asked her if she loved him.
{{-}}

===Sylvia===
{{Needs Updating}}

{{quote|We have two more kittens that snuck in as well, but they’re in hiding. 😸😸😸<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031044543/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057421529590517760</ref>|Chris describing Sylvia and Liza.}}

[[File:Liza, Patches and Sylvia.jpg|From left to right: Liza, Patches and Sylvia.|thumb|250px]]

'''Sylvia''', is one of the three feral kittens Chris took in October 2018. She made an appearance in ''[[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]]''
<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031000827/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057418773077151744</ref> Chris tried to scam people out of money by claiming that it would be used to buy medicine, which later turned out to have been in their possession all along.

{{-}}

===Possie===
[[File:NewCat2.jpg|250px|thumb|Possie]]

'''Possie''' is another feral kitten Chris adopted in August 2019. She wandered inside while Barb was giving [[Clover and Snoopy]] a bath.<ref>[[August 2019 social media posts#Chris gets a new cat]]</ref>

{{clear}}

==Cats adopted out==
===Liza===
[[File:Tingles.jpeg|A photo of the kitten at the new home.|thumb|200px]]

'''Liza''', one of the three feral kittens Chris took in during October 2018, was adopted out to a friend of his from [[The End Games]], after [[The Captain]] arranged communication between them.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181104200921/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1059171974365073408</ref> The Captain also revealed that Liza is actually male and was renamed by his new owner as '''Tingles'''.

{{clear}}

==Deceased Cats==
===Desi===
[[Image:0837-Desi.JPG|thumb|Desi Chandler]]

'''Desi''' is a [[Wikipedia:Tabby cat|tabby]] named after [[Wikipedia:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]] (one of two cats named after the stars of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of the Chandler family's favorite TV shows). It is not known when he became a pet of the Chandlers, although it can be said for certain that he was a resident of 14 Branchland Court by 25 December 2004, as he appears in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1]]. Desi also makes an appearance in Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|future message]]. In a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|Facebook message]] sent on 30 January 2008, Chris mentions having five cats. If it is correct to assume that Chris owned no more cats than the five mentioned in this article, we can conclude Desi was still alive at the time. However, in an e-mail sent to [[Blanca]] on 19 [[August 2008]], Chris mentions having only three cats. In an e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 10 [[April 2010]], Chris gave the names of his three remaining cats,<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref> with Desi not being among them. Based on this info, it can be inferred that Desi was no longer a part of Chris's household since as early as August 2008. It is not known whether Desi died, ran away or was given by the Chandler family to someone else.
{{-}}

===Scamper===
[[Image:0723-Scamper.JPG|thumb|Scamper Chandler]]

'''Scamper''' is the second of Chris's cats. Originally confused with Desi, Scamper was a black and white coated cat. In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Scamper was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. Clues from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] incidcate that he was most likely a pet of Chris by the time Patti's death (27 June 2006<ref name="Eulogy" />). [[Sonichu 6#Episode 12.5: "One Lucky Dog"|Episode 12.5]] features an alternate reality in which Patti does not die on 27 June 2006. When Chris's character in the comics goes to feed Patti on that day, he encounters Scamper along the way.<ref>[[Sonichu 6]], pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_6/Page_2 1-2].</ref> It is not unlikely that this is a reflection of reality, meaning that Scamper was already in Chris's possession by the time Patti died. It can be said with even greater certainty that Scampers was already living at 14 Branchland Court by the time of July [[2006]], as Chris started making ''Sonichu'' #6 on that month.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu Issue 6.jpg|Cover of Sonichu 6]].</ref>

Scamper briefly shows up during the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House|Tour of Christian's House]], in which he pauses for a moment before going outside to talk to them before continuing on his way. Other than that, Scamper appeared in comparatively few videos compared to Chris's other pets.

Very little info about him exists, except that, like Desi, he was not house-trained and shat everywhere. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Scamper was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Kitty and Lucy.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He showed up in [[Tour of Chris's House II]]. The precise date in which the video was made is not known. Chris's narration in the video suggest that [[Bob]] was already dead on the time, suggesting that the video was shot after Bob's passing at 6 [[September 2011]].<ref>https://archive.today/pmvzP</ref>

Chris [[CatKnight Interview 3|confirmed in February of 2016]] that Scamper was killed in the [[Destruction Of Chris' House|house fire]] in [[January 2014]]. According to Chris, the cleaners found the body of the cat behind the toilet, dead from smoke inhalation. The Chandlers buried Scamper in the backyard and had a moment of silence, but Chris seemed very apathetic about one of his pets passing. Prior to this, it was unclear whether it was Scamper or Kitty who was killed in the fire.
{{-}}

===Skittles===
[[Image:0724-Skittles.JPG|thumb|Skittles Chandler: Note the [[Fangs|fang]] sticking out of its mouth]]

'''Skittles''' is the fourth known cat of the Chandlers and was approximately 21 years old based on accounts from troll field agents. Skittles looked like a half-dead lynx on crack.

Very little is known of Skittles or its gender, but given the name it can be assumed that it belonged to the Chandlers, as only someone batshit crazy or over the age of 50 would name a cat Skittles. Chris probably named it after [[Obesity|his favorite candy]] (at least "Skittles" is more dignifying for the cat than to be named after a Sonichu character).

Based on the [[Jackie e-mails]], it was presumed dead or missing in action by 2011.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
{{-}}

===Kitty===
[[Image:0057-KittyBW.jpg|thumb|Kitty, the demon-possessed cat]]

Cat number 5. '''Kitty''' seems to be the cat no one really seemed to care about, evidenced by the fact that she was simply named "Kitty". In [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004#Part 1]], which was made on 25 [[December 2004]], Chris mentions having two cats (Desi and Lucy). This suggests that Kitty was not yet a part of the Chandler household at that time. According to Chris, Kitty was a good friend of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]], the Chandler dog.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> Since Patti died on 27 [[June 2006]],<ref name="Eulogy">[[Chris emails 2004-2006#September 2006]]</ref> this would mean that Kitty was already a pet of Chris for some time prior to that date. An email sent by Chris to Jackie confirms that Kitty was still living at 14 Branchland Court on 10 [[April 2010]], along with Lucy and Scampers.<ref name="ReferenceA"/>

Kitty made an appearance in [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's tour of his house]], and starred in the [[20 December 2009|''Captain's Log'' video]] of 20 [[December 2009]], where it was revealed that this cat can be added to the long list of [[Trolls|things that hate Chris]]. Chris believes that it is normal for cats to hiss at, bite, and scratch people who pick them up, which suggests that his other cats behave this way as well.

With Chris's confirmation that it was Scamper who died in the house fire, Kitty's status is unknown. It is unclear whether she died, ran away, or was given away by the Chandlers (unlikely, given her aggressive behavior), or when she left the Chandler household. All that is certain is that she was no longer in the Chandlers' possession by January of 2014.

===Pollo===
[[File:Pollo chandler.jpg|thumb|250px|Pollo Chandler]]

'''Pollo''' was introduced to the Chandler Household on 24 [[November 2015]]. Pollo [ˈpo.ʝo] is [[Spanish]] for "chicken", although it is also a shortening of "Apollo". Chris pronounces his name "pole oh", probably in an attempt to sound British, although "pollo" is pronounced the same way in England as it is in the rest of the English-speaking world (also unintentionally referencing the [[Wikipedia:Polo (confectionery)|British mints]] of the same name). His existence was revealed to the world by Chris via a [[Facebook]] status, which also confirmed that, as of November 24, 2015, Lucy is still alive as well. Pollo was referred to in the status as "Lucy's new friend".

In the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video, uploaded on December 13, 2015, Chris states that Pollo is an outside cat. Pollo makes his first appearance on video in [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement]]. He seemed to be in good health and shows affection for Chris, nuzzling him a few times.

Pollo made his second appearance in [[Chris's Specimen Sample]], still showing affection towards Chris. Viewers have noted the particularly large and loud collar he wears, and the fact that Chris attempts to get him to look at the camera.

He was featured in [[Happy Cat, Pollo *kiss* *kiss*]].

Just after midnight on 20 May 2018, Chris tweeted that Pollo was dying, posting a photo of him wrapped up in a blanket and saying Pollo was having difficulty breathing. As Chris was broke, he made a plea for [[eBay]] sales money in order to afford a trip to the vet if Pollo survived.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Pollo is dying]]</ref>

Sadly, Pollo passed away by early morning.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/998271176710406144</ref> He had been over 15 years old, an old age for a cat, at the time of his passing and was buried next to [[Patti Chandler|Patti]].<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/998271909816033280</ref>

{{-}}

===Sorbet===
[[File:Sorbet2.jpg|thumb|250px|Sorbet Chandler]]
Chris [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|announced on Facebook]] on 19 [[September 2016]] that he had a new cat, which he named Sorbet ("sor-BAY") because the cat's orange color reminded him of orange sorbet, a frozen fruit juice dessert similar to sherbet. Sorbet was part of a litter of four cats whom the Chandlers had been feeding for several months prior to September 2016. Two of the cats "went elsewhere", though Sorbet and his sister (whom Chris called "Orange Cream" because of her orange and white colors) remained. It currently is not known whether or not Chris has taken in both cats.

Half of Sorbet's left rear paw is missing, appearing to have been cut off. Chris found an inexpensive vet to treat the wound and allow Sorbet to be able to walk better. Chris is currently keeping him in his bedroom, with Lucy there to keep him company. Chris has stated that the donations he had been receiving from [[fans]] has helped him to better afford Sorbet's operation.

Like Pollo, Sorbet seems to be considerably more friendly towards Chris, and seems quite happy with being held. ''Unlike'' Pollo, Chris actually pronounces the name correctly ("sor-bay").

Sorbet makes a brief cameo in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid]], where the camera angle towards the end of the video shows that he is being held by Chris as he kicks a [[Transformers]] toy in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] over [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] winning the Presidential election.

[[File:Sorbet Sept2017.jpg||thumb|left|Sorbet, in a photo taken a few months after the accident.]]
Sorbet wandered off and was hit by a car on 19 [[May 2017]].
{{Quote|Sorbet was found today, by a neighbor. He had not returned home last night. Thank [[God]] I put my number on his tag. A neighbor found him, looking hurt, hiding in a gutter under their driveway. It took effort, and a water spray from a hose. We got him out; he suffered some head trauma; uneven pupil dialation, bruises and dings; some bleeding. Doctor said it looked like he was hit by a car. He's staying at the vet over the weekend for examination and bathing. Say a prayer for Sorbet in his quick recovery. We all love him. — feeling sad.<ref>[[May_2017_Facebook_posts]]</ref>}}
Uneven pupil dilation is a classic sign of [[Wikipedia:Traumatic brain injury|traumatic brain injury]], so it was speculated that Sorbet may not live for very long afterwards. Fortunately however, Chris [[May_2017_Facebook_posts#Sorbet back from the vet, recovering|did later confirm that]] Sorbet returned home and recovered from his injuries after a short stay at the vet, having been cleaned up and confirmed to still have his sight and hearing. However, Chris later released a [[Sorbet's still recovering, with a nasal problem. Poor boy|video]] on the 29th of May where Sorbet is shown to have breathing difficulties.
{{-}}

Chris posted a photo of his cat Lucy for International Cat Day on 8 [[August 2017]]. Among Chris' followers, the lack of photos of Sorbet raised speculation of the cat's passing. To counter this claim, Chris shared a photo of Sorbet.<ref>[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/895243822543798272 Twitter photo of Sorbet]</ref> He appears again in the videos of Chris watching the [[Crescent_Eclipse|solar eclipse]] at the end of August, but his condition appears to have deteriorated – his eye is very dilated and glossy, and his breathing is painfully loud and strained. Despite his injuries and potential illness, he still attempts to show affection towards Chris, but his attempts at meowing come out as strained snorts and gurgles, indicating that he may have fluid in his lungs; whether this is a complication of the accident or an undiagnosed illness is not yet known.

On 17 [[May 2018]], Sorbet was declared missing, as confirmed by Chris' Facebook posts.<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Sorbet is Missing]]</ref> Just 3 days after Sorbet's disappearance, Pollo died of natural causes, leading to two losses for the Chandler household within a single week. Three months later, Chris confirmed with a [[Kiwi Farms]] user that Sorbet is officially dead. Like [[Patti Chandler]], Sorbet's soul is cursed to roam [[CWCville]] for all eternity.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorbet-confirmed-kia.49289/</ref>

===Patches===
[[File:Patches with Chris, 31 October 2018.jpeg|thumb|200px|"Here’s Patches! My little shoulder friend. 😊⚡️💙⚡️"]]

'''Patches''' was the 8th of the Chandler cats and one of the three feral kittens Chris took in during October 2018. He was the first to come out and socialize on 30 [[October 2018]]. Upon discovery, he was taken to a vet for a checkup and be medicated for conjunctivitis on his left eye.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20181031000827/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1057418773077151744</ref>

Of all the cats, Patches had the shortest time as Chris's pet. A week later, on 6 November, Patches passed away, apparently from complications from pneumonia,<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/3948697/</ref> after Chris had taken him to the vet multiple times.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/3947724/</ref>

{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0721-Kitty.JPG|Kitty Chandler, so full of hate.
Image:0722-LucyDes1.JPG|Lucy and Desi.
Image:0844-LucyDes2.JPG|Lucy and Desi asleep in a [[Sonichu (comic)|pile of crap]].
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Desi and [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]].
File:LucyFacebook.png|Lucy.
File:Please kill me.png|Lucy with Chris in the "[[Seasons Greetings]]" video. Note her depressed expression.
File:14358753 1159491850811959 7297210147392903311 n.jpg|Pollo in September 2016.
File:14433018 1159491804145297 3015821214900701305 n.jpg|Lucy in September 2016.
File:14469471 1159491797478631 3097489880885381608 n.jpg|Sorbet in September 2016.
Image:Patches.jpg|Patches, October 2018, recovering from conjunctivitis.
File:Patches with Chris 2, 31 October 2018.jpg|Patches, next to Chris's huge head.
File:Patches with Chris, 2 November.jpg|In this disturbing photo, Patches is lying on a topless Chris's chest.
File:Sylvia 7 November 2018.jpg|Sylvia, November 2018
File:Sylvia with Chris in bed 8 Nov 2018.jpeg|Sylvia and Chris in bed, November 2018
</gallery></center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Patti Chandler]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Magi-Chan

2019-08-17T04:30:40Z

S679: Added stuff from August 2019

{{Dated|Needs info on Idea Guys and Teen Troon Squad manipulation}}

{{quote|It seemed unlikely for a loong [sic] time. But Magi-Chan saw in a future a [[Silvana|long-haired black Rosechu]], who was born true of Venus on the Earth's Moon. Yet she would be cursed with a [[duck|protrusion]] that can be undone by eliminating the one who had placed the curse.|Chris describes Magi-Chan's yearning for [[homos|love]].}}

''For the sweetheart, click [[Polyamorous marriage#Cryzel Rosechu|here]].''

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:MagiChan111448.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Magi-Chan Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 2 February 1989 (in universe, original) 14 November 1948 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/987472560114806786</ref>
No later than 2 February 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[:File:279-MagiCard.jpg|card of Magi-Chan]] on 2 February 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Magi-Chan was not created at any earlier date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7''
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Mewtwo
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Psychic
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Moon Stone)
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}

'''Magi-Chan''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. He's the serious know-it-all and the only character not solely motivated by finding a [[sweetheart]]. He's also one of the major sources of ''deus ex machina'', and thus far the character most often depicted as just a floating head providing walls of expository dialogue. He is purple, but has been depicted as crimson in color.

Magi-Chan <s>is</s> [[Sonichu 10|was]] probably the only sympathetic character in the whole series, due to his sarcastic and often serious mood unintentionally making him seem intolerant of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and Chris's stupid antics, as well as his character's unintentional [[Homos|homosexual]] undertones. He also remains girlfriend-free the longest of all the characters, and implies that he is uninterested in romance due to having "too much gray matter" when Sonichu obnoxiously boasts about fucking his girlfriend that night. Even when Magi-Chan does express interest in a woman, it's a woman with a [[Pickle|penis]] – [[Silvana Rosechu]].

Although he is clearly omnipotent and omniscient, he refuses to use his powers for any reason other than to exposit plot points and teleport characters to where they need to be in order to do a job he could, himself, do in a matter of moments. However, some readers find this to be his most redeeming characteristic, as he clearly only puts in the bare minimum of effort to satisfy Chris's [[autism|retarded]] whims.

According to Chris, "Magi-Chan" is intended to be a lame pun on "[[Wes Iseli|magician]]".<ref>[[DPF phonecall]]</ref>

In 2018, Chris would reveal that he himself was [[Polyamorous marriage|married to Magi-chan]].

==Overview==

[[File:Mewtwo magichan married.jpg ‎|thumb|200px|Magi-Chan marries Mewtwo.]]

Magi-Chan was, in earlier comics, perhaps the most useless in Chris's canon of useless characters, rivaled only by [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. Despite being essentially omnipotent, he does little more than enable everybody else to do something by filling them in on all the exposition and teleporting them where they need to go.

However, Magi-Chan later came in handy as a sort of "right-hand man" to Chris, particularly in his fight against homosexuality. Chris has stated that Magi-Chan monitors all sexual activity in the city using his psychic powers, and later has Magi-Chan travel to the future in order to obtain a bulk batch of the cure for homosexuality - Chris's blood. Magi-Chan would effectively contaminate the water supply of [[CWCville]] with Chris's blood in order to cleanse the world of [[homos]]. Magi-Chan would later come out as gay himself, when he married Mewtwo<ref name=gaymarriage>[[January 2018 Facebook posts‎‎#Mewtwo and Magi-Chan married]]</ref>.
[[Image:SchuMagiSonee.jpg|100 px|thumb|left|Magi-Chan as a [[Sonee]].]]

Ironically, Magi-chan's Omnipotence and Omniscience is thanks to Chris' repeated use of Magi-chan's psychic powers as a [[Chris and writing|crutch for plot convenience and exposition]]. In fact, it can be argued that Magi-chan is the REAL person in charge of [[CWCville]] and may rival, if not dwarf, the powers of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] himself. Magi-chan has demonstrated the ability to time travel under his own power, change the genetic and physical make up of people's bodies to change their genders, has his own actual team of Level 100 Psychic Pokemon (despite being a Pokemon himself), along with essentially serving as the town's head of law enforcement, and is never questioned when issuing a command. While Chris is typically [[Chris and his ego|fawned over and adored]], Magi-chan is obeyed without question.

His design is a combination of three characters:
:*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
:*[[Pikachu]]
:*[[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]]

==Chris's imaginary friend==
{{Needs Updating}}

While in his mid-30s, Chris thought of Magi-Chan as an imaginary friend hanging out with him in the real world. In [[Dancing with Magi-Chan]], Chris dances a duet at the August 2017 [[BronyCon]] with Magi-Chan as his dance partner. In [[January 2018]] Chris revealed that Magi-Chan is now [[Homos|married]] to Mewtwo, his master -- and later that year, went on to clarify that he was also married to Chris. In the June 2019 [[Believe in the OCs and Deities!]], Chris claims that Magi-Chan is sitting next to him while gesturing at thin air. Furthermore, in August 2019, Chris, while using a sockpuppet account of Magi-Chan, proclaimed that Magi-Chan had fully manifested into reality.

==Major comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===

Magi-Chan's egg lands in a secluded cave in the cliffs surrounding CWCville. Upon hatching, he is spoken to via telepathy by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who trains Magi-Chan [[Sonee]] to use his psychic abilities until he evolves after extreme meditation training.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Magi-Chan stands over CWCville, his all-knowing mind seeing the impending fight against [[Blake]]. He sighs, heads on over to the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members and seems to set himself up as their leader within moments. Then they all beat up [[Blake]] to the point that major cranial damage threatens to kill him.

===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Magi-Chan and the other Chaotic Combo members are teleported into action by Chris.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], Chris and Magi-Chan try to figure out how to free her.

[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] attacks and Chris orders Magi-Chan and Sonichu to investigate with him. Magi-Chan does practically nothing from there.

===[[Sonichu_7#Episode_15:_.22Time_for_a_Ball.22|Time for a Ball]] & [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|Time Hogs]]===

For no reason, Magi-Chan, along with Chris and Sonichu, begin the hunt for the [[Sonichu Balls]] at the [[Manchester High School]] Gymnasium. Magi-Chan gives some made-up theory about how the Sonichu Balls can be scattered throughout time. He then magically realizes that Chris came in contact with one ball back in [[1996]] and the three go back in time to retrieve it. On the way back Chris gets lost in the [[Time Void|time void]] and Magi-Chan explains that he will return eventually, instead of actually trying to [[List of unheroic protagonist actions|help him]].

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_Prologue|Episode 18 Prologue]]===

Magi-Chan, along with the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]], celebrates their 19th birthdays on 2 February 2008.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break]]===

[[Image:MagiChanisGay.JPG|250 px|thumb|Precise and accurate.]]

Magi-Chan explains to [[Bubbles]] that he has found a [[Sonichu Ball]] via his psychic link and orders her to go get it. He also tries to warn her of [[Silvana]]'s trap, but Bubbles doesn't believe him. Magi-chan later teleports Bubbles to Blake.

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Magi-Chan pleads with Silvana to stop working with [[Count Graduon]] and insists that he can restore her "birth gender."

After his exchange with Silvana, Magi-Chan disappears from Episode 20 almost entirely. He plays no significant role in the plot until the epilogue, where he shows up to provide a handy deus ex machina by randomly pulling Chris out of the Time Void.

===[[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

Magi-Chan appears in the beginning of the story, having yanked Chris from the Time Void. The newly freed Chris tasks him with gathering the homosexual cure and bringing it to the present, which he does.

When Chris tries to apologize for his actions involving [[Alec Benson Leary]], Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from trying to kill [[Simonla]], but fails to stop [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec]]'s attempt. He's obviously guilt ridden when Wild's motherless bastard child [[Sandy]] is born, telling the child point blank that it was Evan who killed her. He is present at the [[Asperchu Four|Asperchu Four's]] trial, planting evidence to convict them. He is last seen at Alec's execution, electrocuting him.

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_22:_.22A_Sonichu_Christmas.22|A Sonichu Christmas]]===

Magi-Chan appears to reassure his niece Christine about the whole ordeal that went on with her and [[Kevin the Jew]]. Following that, he appears with Silvana to talk about how much they love each other.

He also appears at the end of the story with Silvana, thinking to himself, "Life is good".

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_25:_.22To_Be_or_Naught_a_Tomgirl.E2.80.A6.22|To Be or Naught a Tomgirl...]]===

Magi-Chan helps his nephew Robbie realize that he has a female soul, by explaining that he has to find himself. This helps pave the way toward Robbie's transition into becoming a female.

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_26:_Prideful|Prideful]]===

Although his primary role in this story is provide tons of exposition, he does help evacuate the pride parade in anticipation of a group of [[Jerkops]] led by Reldnahc.

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_24.2C_Part_2:_The_Clip_Show:_Catching_Up|Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching up]]===

Magi-Chan appears at Sonichu's and Rosechu's wedding.

==Mailbag trivia==

Magi-Chan is one of the more popular characters with the trolls, due to his arguably homosexual tendencies. As such, he is mentioned in Chris's [[Mailbag]]s quite frequently. This caused a few new facts about the character to surface, notably that [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|he is aware of any sex act]] that happens to occur within [[CWCville]] city limit and will inform Chris if it doesn't fit his [[Homos|puritanical ideals]].

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Magichan-icon.jpg|Magi-Chan is too cool to smile.
Image:Magichan scowling.jpg
Image:Magichan bubble.jpg
Image:281-MagiChan.jpg|THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE
Image:MagiChanFarts.JPG|Magi-chan hard at work.
Image:280-YuMagi.jpg
Image:Magichanmausterbate.jpg‎|[[Mailbag 31|Magi-Chan Sonichu is watching you masturbate.]]
Image:Magichanisintense.jpg‎|[[Audiobooks|Look at Magi-Chan. Seriously, just look at him.]]
File:MegaMagiChan.png|Mega form.
File:Lego Magi-Chan.jpg|[[LEGO]] Magi-Chan.
File:ModNation MagiChan.jpg|Magi-Chan in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:Magi-Chan Sonichu Medallion.jpg|Magi-Chan [[medallion]]. Buy one on [[eBay]] today!
File:MagiAmiiboA.jpg|Magi-chan [[Amiibo]], for sale on [[Etsy]].
</gallery>
</center>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Magi-Chan Sonichu}}

==See also==
*[[MagiChan111448]]
*[[MagiChan111448 tweets]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]
[[Category:Sonichus]]

A message to the Trolls

2019-08-08T04:54:18Z

S679:

{{Honest}}
'''A message to the Trolls''' (video name: '''A message to the Trolls.MOV''') is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 10 [[March 2010]], a while after learning that [[The Wallflower]] had discovered the [[CWCki]]. In it, he, while noticeably not wearing his [[medallion]] or the [[high school ring]], mostly whines to the trolls for interfering with his life, but doesn't go into specifics--mentioning only that trolls have been messing with his [[Gal-pals|friends]]. He ends the video by [[Chris and Anger|punching]] the camera.

It's worth noting that, despite blaming the trolls for much of his emotional pain and troubles in life, most of that has been self-induced by him. For example, making [[The Wallflower]]'s identity public to begin with; much like how [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was his own doing as well. The fact that Chris has been told at several points, by several people to stop engaging the trolls gives a new meaning to this video, considering it's purposefully addressed to his trolls and he went on to upload it for them, and in doing so ignored the advice of those who were trying to help him and renewing the trolls attention once more.

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = A message to the Trolls.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qCylHHQdnqk}}
| stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Surfshack Tito (video)|Surfshack Tito]]
| next = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
}}

{{quote|You are nothing but goddamn greedy, impatient, unloved, and corrupted fools.}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A visibly upset Chris begins the video by speaking in a [[Speech impediment|barely-audible, whining tone]]''] This message is for every last god damn troll that has been pestering me for the past number of years, even the recent ones. I have been in a number of moments finding [[china|peace]] and losing it later. Because {{RageQuote|YOU [[Bob Walks In|WON'T LET ME BE]]!}}

You are su- You are a bunch of damn [[Chris's room|immature]] [[Chris's education|DUMBASSES]] who have [[Chris and hypocrisy|no lives of your own]].

You don't want me to have a little life of my own, you don't want me [[love quest|to find long-lasting peace and happiness for myself]], you don't want me to find the whole true love for myself because you are so [[Chris and Ego|self-absorbed]] in yourselves, you don't wan- you only want me to give you more got-dang stories and [[Chris and art|art]] then I can give because of my... [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] comes in and out... it mostly comes in when I'm happy and have peace.

You are nothing but god damn [[Chris and money|greedy]], [[Mailbag|impatient]], [[Chris and remorse|unloved]], and [''shows the [[Claw of Fail|claw]]''] [[Chris and religion|corrupted]] fools. [[Heart level|Heartbreaks and heartaches]], they really hurt. I've let you all done so much whatever you want emotionally than me...but...it is...'''goddamn another story when you tryta''' '''''hurt my [[Megan|friends]] [[ShecameforCWC|AND GET THEM INVOLVED]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|like you've been doing!]]''''' [''Chris punches the camera and we go bright orange for a microsecond before cutting off.'']

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = dramaticcwc.mp4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|U4gKGAip2n0}}
| stardate = 31 [[December 2017]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWjs5tLdO5Vg7MSERp0Nzxw monkey777]
| subject =
| type =
| info =
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Surfshack Tito (video)|Surfshack Tito]]|nextlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos with Camera Abuse]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-10]]
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga videos| 2010-03-10]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2019-07-29T14:46:33Z

S679:

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and the second to last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own. Chris's repetition of the idiom "killing people left and right" suggests a very minor [[CWC-ism]]. Chris likes idioms.

Chris's fear of [[homos]]exuals seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule. (In the end, he managed to upload only 20 of the promised pages, and they arrived a day late.) When Alec tells Chris that he has seen the video tour of his house, Chris panics and mashes buttons on his phone in a desperate attempt to disconnect from the call. (How Chris managed to believe that would disconnect the call and not simply pressing the "End" button is a mystery.)

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|nKZogX_Q0BY}}
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Hi Alec.

'''Alec:''' So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris'']

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' add-

'''Alec:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' a whole-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' Chris-!

'''Chris:''' to the big-

'''Alec:''' CHRIS!

'''Chris:''' page-

'''Alec:''' ''CHRIS!''

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Alec:''' You asked me to call you... ''right'' at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]]

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

'''Chris:''' Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm...

'''Alec:''' What are you eating?

'''Chris:''' I'm having some chicken.

'''Alec:''' I- ugh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I-

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call.

'''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry.

'''Alec:''' So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes...I...that...

'''Alec:''' So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied?

'''Alec:''' Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times.

'''Chris:''' And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you.

'''Alec:''' Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right?

'''Chris:''' That is not what apologies are about.

'''Alec:''' Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called [[Sonichu Revolution]]. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy.

'''Chris:''' [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages.

'''Alec:''' Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy."

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 max, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist?

'''Chris:''' Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to...

'''Alec:''' Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly.

'''Chris:''' Okay, okay, well, maybe...

'''Alec:''' I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case...

'''Alec:''' Ooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

'''Barbara:''' [''Distant background''] Who are you on the phone with? [''She continues to occasionally make background noise'']

'''Chris:''' I know, I...

'''Alec:''' You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic?

'''Chris:''' I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up.

'''Alec:''' How many pages is that?

'''Chris:''' That's over 30 now.

'''Alec:''' Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages.

'''Alec:''' Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there?

'''Chris:''' Around there.

'''Alec:''' Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25?

'''Chris:''' That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it?

'''Chris:''' I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you...

'''Chris:''' I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had...

'''Alec:''' So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, anyways...

'''Alec:''' I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages...

'''Chris:''' Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February.

'''Alec:''' Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was.

'''Chris:''' Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982.

'''Alec:''' Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday?

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page...

'''Alec:''' Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it?

'''Chris:''' Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because...

'''Alec:''' I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is.

'''Alec:''' Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever?

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those?

'''Chris:''' Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form.

'''Chris:''' Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell.

'''Alec:''' But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um, does this mean...

'''Chris:''' In fact, it's a...

'''Alec:''' I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then...

'''Chris:''' I have been thinking about that, actually.

'''Alec:''' What do you think about it?

'''Chris:''' Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11.

'''Alec:''' Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, yes, a transitions.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning.

'''Chris:''' Hm. I see.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so...

'''Chris:''' I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like...

'''Alec:''' Chris...

'''Chris:''' It's like doing Zombie X-Men, [[Wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]].

'''Alec:''' Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's actually on the [[PlayStation Network]] digital comic download, only on the [[PSP]] right now.

'''Alec:''' Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad?

'''Chris:''' Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the [[Saw]] movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies?

'''Chris:''' That was horrifying.

'''Alec:''' Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm not talking about...

'''Alec:''' Death is bad.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies.

'''Alec:''' But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about...

'''Alec:''' Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just...

'''Alec:''' Oh, well, right, I forgot, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|because comic characters are real people]] and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed [[Simonla]] because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla?

'''Chris:''' No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the...

'''Alec:''' Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her.

'''Chris:''' You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them.

'''Chris:''' I have a question for you.

'''Alec:''' Oh?

'''Chris:''' You said you like Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself?

'''Alec:''' Soni-

'''Chris:''' If you liked him you would not have done that!

'''Alec:''' I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but...

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting off Chris''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names.

'''Alec:''' No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie?

'''Chris:''' Well, it's only because you're, you're putting...

'''Alec:''' He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense.

'''Alec:''' I wasn't pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' You were pretending to be...

'''Alec:''' Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney.

'''Alec:''' Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' It would?

'''Chris:''' I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters.

'''Alec:''' No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already.

'''Chris:''' You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves.

'''Alec:''' Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm...

'''Chris:''' But, but you're just...

'''Alec:''' I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris!

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing...

'''Alec:''' You could thank me once.

'''Chris:''' Because you're drawing those pages, not me.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof.

'''Chris:''' I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them.

'''Alec:''' But you're not uploading them.

'''Chris:''' Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run...

'''Alec:''' [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess...

'''Chris:''' And plus...

'''Alec:''' Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now.

'''Chris:''' How many hours you spent in school yesterday...

'''Alec:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' The average of 10.

'''Alec:''' That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well.

'''Alec:''' Yes, that's correct.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well...

'''Alec:''' How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today.

'''Alec:''' So you've, like, been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? [''pause''] I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it...it might take me, like...in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Wha-are-you said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do?

'''Chris:''' I clean the kit-, I clean the big kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I...clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house.

'''Alec:''' You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of your house]] right now. And I want to let you know that I actually ''have'' seen it, so I'm pretty sure...that house is..... [''Alec is interrupted by a rapid series of DTMF tones. Decoded so far: 3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''tones end'']

[''Note: Even though these calls are in one file, according to [[Clyde Cash]], Chris actually hung up on Alec at the end of the dial tones. Alec promptly called him back.'']

'''Chris:''' Hey, Alec?

'''Alec:''' Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there?

'''Chris:''' [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do clean my room.

'''Alec:''' Mmm, how much do you clean it?

'''Chris:''' I clean my room like once a week.

'''Alec:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long.

'''Chris:''' It takes like two hours.

'''Alec:''' Two hours. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Alec:''' Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house?

'''Chris:''' It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room.

'''Alec:''' Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do?

'''Chris:''' I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking!

'''Alec:''' Back-breaking.

'''Chris:''' Yes. My back hurts.

'''Alec:''' I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure.

'''Alec:''' I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[I AM STRONG|I am strong]].

'''Alec:''' Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos...

'''Chris:''' Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong.

'''Alec:''' Really. Like... Uh...

'''Chris:''' Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well.

'''Alec:''' You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' It's quick, too.

'''Chris:''' Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here.

'''Alec:''' Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because...

'''Chris:''' No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment.

'''Alec:''' Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore?

'''Chris:''' I do play them, when I feel nostalgic...

'''Alec:''' ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many [[List of Chris's games|hundreds of games]] do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do.

'''Alec:''' Every single one.

'''Chris:''' Yeah!

'''Alec:''' That must take, that must take a lot of time.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be.

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard.

'''Alec:''' Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing.

'''Chris:''' That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom...

'''Alec:''' Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house.

'''Chris:''' That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago.

'''Alec:''' Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that.

'''Chris:''' I'll think, well, I'll consider that.

'''Alec:''' You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have [[Nintendo]]'s permission to use [[Pikachu]], shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it?

'''Chris:''' Because for me it's not all that easy.

'''Alec:''' What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo...

'''Chris:''' Because, I'll, I'll just, also [[Bob|my father]]'s [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|still very angry at me]] for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry...

'''Alec:''' Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory.

'''Chris:''' It's like an invasion of privacy?

'''Alec:''' How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video.

'''Chris:''' You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody...

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter.

'''Alec:''' You mis-, you misplaced it?

'''Chris:''' I misplaced the letter. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way.

'''Alec:''' I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter.

'''Chris:''' I'll keep that in mind.

'''Alec:''' Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Alec:''' Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later.

'''Alec:''' Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that?

'''Chris:''' Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response.

'''Alec:''' But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't...

'''Alec:''' [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made.

'''Chris:''' Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response.

'''Alec:''' Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing?

'''Chris:''' There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that.

'''Alec:''' Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank.

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter.

'''Alec:''' "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and...

'''Alec:''' Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you?

'''Chris:''' They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted.

'''Alec:''' That's because you are bigoted. You want...

'''Chris:''' I am not bigoted.

'''Alec:''' You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times...

'''Chris:''' I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to [[Jack Thaddeus]] I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was...

'''Alec:''' Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um...

'''Chris:''' Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him.

'''Alec:''' You know, Chris...

'''Chris:''' Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual.

'''Alec:''' Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life.

'''Chris:''' Oo-kay.

'''Alec:''' It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no...

'''Alec:''' That you're not interested?

'''Chris:''' And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn...

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, that's...

'''Chris:''' And then leave it at that.

'''Alec:''' That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good...

'''Chris:''' And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad.

'''Alec:''' Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries]]. [[Kacey|Trying to hold their hands, things like that]]. That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation?

'''Chris:''' It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago.

'''Alec:''' When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please?

'''Alec:''' [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hmm...

'''Alec:''' Do you understand that?

'''Chris:''' Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I am asking you right now.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that.

'''Alec:''' Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place?[''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected.

'''Chris:''' Uh... Well, what two things?

'''Alec:''' Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation...

'''Alec:''' Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please...

'''Chris:''' It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the...

'''Alec:''' Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like...

'''Alec:''' Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that.

'''Chris:''' Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell.

'''Alec:''' Hell?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. When they die.

'''Alec:''' What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing?

'''Chris:''' It's implied within parts of the Bible.

'''Alec:''' Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I have read the Bible, but...

'''Alec:''' You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] So?

'''Alec:''' How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now.

'''Alec:''' So you're going to hell, right?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that.

'''Alec:''' Uhhhh...are you? Really?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris?

'''Chris:''' There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but...

'''Alec:''' Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk.

'''Alec:''' What did he say to you?

'''Chris:''' I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive.

'''Alec:''' Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, more or less.

'''Alec:''' How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are.

'''Alec:''' But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much?

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today.

'''Alec:''' [[Biological clock|Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something]], you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me.

'''Alec:''' But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M.

'''Alec:''' Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Anyway...

'''Alec:''' Um, what do you think of... Let's see here...

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags.

'''Chris:''' I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow]].

'''Alec:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist.

'''Alec:''' You don't have to be a... You... You remember that [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|Mike Jackson memorial e-mail]] you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize...

'''Alec:''' I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about?

'''Chris:''' Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot!

'''Alec:''' You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star.

'''Alec:''' Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you...

'''Chris:''' I can say I have not looked... I did not...

'''Alec:''' Chris, why do you not put effort into anything?

'''Chris:''' [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything!

'''Alec:''' Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am working on the pages...

'''Alec:''' But you don't upload them!

'''Chris:''' Yes I will, yes I do, and I will!

'''Alec:''' No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it.

'''Alec:''' Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first.

'''Chris:''' No, you raised your voice at me first.

'''Alec:''' No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!"

'''Chris:''' You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me.

'''Alec:''' Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is...

'''Chris:''' It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired.

'''Alec:''' No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm just tired right now.

'''Alec:''' [''snorts'']

'''Chris:''' And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I...

'''Alec:''' No, I'm doing good.

'''Chris:''' Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what...

'''Alec:''' Well, you know what? If you want to...

'''Chris:''' Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know...

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

'''Alec:''' [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant.

'''Alec:''' You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way.

'''Alec:''' You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that.

'''Alec:''' You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And I will.

'''Alec:''' Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Maybe.

'''Alec:''' Maybe?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever.

'''Alec:''' That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now.

'''Alec:''' Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

'''Chris:''' Alright. Take care. Bye-bye.

[''Call ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|Chris and Alec Call 9]]|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBY2M3SW5ybWg0Q2s The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Sonichu (species)

2019-07-27T04:28:16Z

S679:

'''Sonichu''' is the name used for male specimens of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

By having an entire species have the same name as a [[Sonichu (character)|"unique" being]] and giving all of its members the same title (these are not surnames, as Chris has stressed that surnames are largely absent in the names of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon<ref>[[:File:Sonichu surnames.png]]</ref>), Chris has only served to confound his readers, [[Jamsta Sonichu|mess up continuity]], and demonstrate that he's a [[stress|lazy]] and [[Things Chris has ripped off|unimaginative]] bastard.
== Appearance ==

Sonichus generally resemble [[Sonic the Hedgehog|bipedal hedgehogs]] in appearance, standing around four and a half feet tall, with thick hides and large spikes (which are flexible so they can make physical contact with each other without causing injury),<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_36]</ref> though they have [[Pokémon|elongated ears and (generally) tails shaped like cartoonish lightning bolts]]. While the hands are completely articulated with five fingers and opposable thumbs, the feet of a Sonichu are just round stumps. They are seldom seen without a pair of white gloves and shoes (of varying colors), even if they are completely nude otherwise. The shoes may be a necessity, as the nature of bare Sonichu feet may make it impossible for a Sonichu to stand without them.

While a typical Sonichu has [[Pokémon|yellow fur, brown stripes, and red spots on their cheekbones]] (if we are to assume that the [[Sonichu (character)|original Sonichu]] is the prime specimen), Sonichus can come in a variety of recolors. Sometimes, a Sonichu displays other variations, such as [[Magi-Chan|altered ear tips]], [[Punchy Sonichu|epicanthic folds]], or a [[Wild Sonichu|different tail altogether]]. The fur color of a Sonichu is susceptible to alteration by chemicals such as [[Blake|Cherry Cola]].

== Behavior ==

Though considered to be Pokémon by their creator, Sonichus might be better described as anthropomorphic animals. While not very intelligent, they are sapient and capable of many of the same skills as humans: [[Pocket knife|Tool usage]], [[Speech impediment|speech]] and [[Autism|social interaction]].

According to Chris, Sonichus are not capable of speech at the moment in which they cease being [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees]]; they must be taught a spoken language in order to be able to say more than the name of their species.<ref>[[Mailbag 47#The reprobate and the elect]]</ref> This a far cry from the impression actually given by Chris's comic. In [[Sonichu 0#Episode 1: "Sonichu's Origin"|episode 1]] Sonichu is capable of speech immediately after his transformation. [[Punchy]], [[Wild]], and [[Bubbles]] are also capable of speech immediately after evolving into Sonichus and Rosechus.<ref>[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"]]</ref>. In issue 10, Sandy also hatched from her egg and could immediately speak.So far, a Sonichu not capable of speech has never been seen in Chris's comic. It should also be noted that only [[Angelica]] and Punchy were raised by English-speaking owners (that we have seen). The other members of the Chaotic Combo were raised by Pokemon, physically or telepathically, and should not be able to speak English. Heck, Magi-Chan should more than likely be mute and only speak telepathically.

In their [[CWCville|natural habitat]], Sonichus fill a number of societal roles: [[Chaotic Combo|vigilante groups]], [[Jamsta|radio announcers]], and [[Simonla|construction]] [[Sandy|workers]], using whatever supernatural abilities granted to them. They are not above being welfare recipients too.<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 34#Electric inequality Pokémon]]</ref>

Sonichus are [[Love Quest|constantly searching for a mate]], and perhaps with some [[Dating education|assistance]] will "fall in love" with the first Rosechu they see ([[Magi-Chan|assuming they are heterosexual]]). The ensuing pair, without exception, will enter into a courtship in poor imitation of humans. However, unlike humans, Sonichu-Rosechu mates [[Chris and writing|completely lack tension or discord]], suggesting that the lifelong bond is purely out of instinct to guarantee that any resulting spawn gets care from two parents (though not guaranteed to be good or even adequate care). Considering the [[Sonee and Rosey|extremely low capabilities of said spawn]], this may be a necessity.

==Sonichus and reproduction==

A Sonichu's [[penis]] and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the [[pickle|penis]] can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic8P103.jpg]</ref> This system displays a clear lack of knowledge of biology, as the reason that the testicles are outside the body is because the body's core temperature is not ideal for sperm production, thus, unless Sonichu sperm is much more heat resistant than normal mammalian sperm, Sonichus should be sterile. ([[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Unfortunately, they are not.]]). In addition, Chris never explains if the penis always slides out when the Sonichu leans over (although it obviously isn't the case), and he never mentions conscious control over the action. All of this goes to show that [[Honor roll|people who have no knowledge of biology]] should not set out to create detailed organ systems for their fictional creatures.

Sonichus' [[Semen|sperm]] count is extremely low when compared to humans. The number of sperm cells released by a Sonichu per ejaculation stands at a couple of thousands at most and can be as low as mere hundreds. <ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic8P105.jpg]</ref> In comparison, human sperm count must be at least over 15 million sperm cells per milliliter in order to be considered healthy. <ref>[http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/infertility/cooper_et_al_hru.pdf World Health Organization reference values for human semen characteristics]</ref> It should also be noted that the volume of [[semen]] ejaculated by a Sonichu is also much higher than the amount of the average human male. Whereas human males will ejaculate on average about 0.1 to 10 milliliters of semen,<ref>Rehan N, Sobrero AJ, Fertig JW. (1975). "The semen of fertile men: statistical analysis of 1300 men". Fertility and Sterility 26 (6): 492–502.</ref> Sonichus' ejaculate numbers 100 - 500 milliliters <ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic8P104.jpg]</ref> on average, more than the amount ejaculated by both horses and elephants. It may be due to the extremely low sperm count that more semen must be ejaculated to create a balance. It can easily be said that [[Recycling]] is unpopular amongst Sonichus, but due to easy access of [[Rosechu_(species)|semen recepticles]] this is not a major issue.

Chris has mentioned that a [[Sonee]] is born as the result of intercourse between a Sonichu and a Rosechu, or some combination of the above and a [[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]] [[Pokémon]]<ref name="Sonichu article">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu's [[CWCipedia]] article]</ref>. Presumably a Ditto would assume the form of an opposite-sex [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

While discussing a sex scene involving [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] and [[Layla]] which was supposed to be included in the [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Dating Ed episode]] (it was eventually left out of the final version), Chris and [[Ivy]] failed to agree over which character will bring the condoms, so eventually Chris decided that Layla had the ability to choose when to get pregnant.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Layla and Punchy]]</ref> This statement implies that intercourse between a [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Flaaffy_%28Pok%C3%A9mon%29 Flaaffy] and a Sonichu can result in an offspring, and since two Pokémon of different species must share at least one [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Egg_group Egg group] in order to successfully mate, it can be assumed that Sonichus belong to either the [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Field_%28Egg_group%29 Field egg group] and/or the [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Monster_%28Egg_group%29 Monster egg group]. If Chris had ever given thought to this matter it is more likely that he placed Sonichu in the former group as this is also one of the egg groups to which Pikachu belongs.

{{Clear}}

==Sonichus and evolution==

[[Image:EvolutionChart.png|thumb|Sonichu evolution chart]]

The infant Sonee is first born in egg-form from a Rosechu mother. When the egg hatches, either a Sonee or a Rosee is birthed. This infant can already have a certain sub-type; [[Wild]], for instance, was born as a green Sonee with a grass sub-type. After being nurtured for some time, the spawn may then evolve further into a Sonichu variant, depending on their emotional state, and what item they're holding (if any).

In the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], an evolution of Sonichu called [[Metonic]] can be seen.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic0P28.jpg 25 Years Later]</ref> According to the strip and an ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' card<ref>[[:File:208-CMetonicBck.jpg]]</ref> from the [[scrapbook]], Sonichu evolves into Metonic by being traded while holding a Metal Coat. However, Chris stated that only the original Sonichu can evolve into Metonic.<ref name="mail 10">[[Mailbag 10#God save the queen|Mailbag 10]]</ref><ref name="Sonichu article" /> He also stated that "[T]he [rest of the Sonichus and Rosechus] have no '''current''' evolutions" (emphasis added) <ref name="mail 10" />, leaving it open for him to devise separate evolutions for them in the future.

In [[Sonichu 10#Ultra Sonichu and Collosal Chan|episode 21]], Sonichu transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]] after being brought into contact with the seven [[Sonichu Balls]], although the change was temporary. As with Metonic, this evolution is exclusive to the original Sonichu.<ref name="Sonichu article" />

Despite all being Electric in their primary type, no Sonichu other than the [[Sonichu (character)|original]] and his clone [[Blake]] has demonstrated the use of electric powers. It can be assumed that being of Electric type is only for the purpose of calculating weakness and strength.

==List of Sonichus==

* [[Sonichu]]
* [[Blake]] (Black Sonichu)
* [[BlazeBob Sonichu]]
* [[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Bobby Sonichu]]
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] (transformation)
* [[Collosal Chan]] (half-human transformation)
* [[Darkbind Sonichu]]
* [[Liquid Chris#In the comic|IBAChandler Sonichu]] (transformation)
* [[DJ Jamsta]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Michael Sonichu]]
* [[Asperchu parodies#Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Sonichu]]
* [[Punchy Sonichu]]
* [[Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] (transformation)
* [[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Swift Sonichu]]
* [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] (transformation)
* [[Asperchu parodies#Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo|Whisp Sonichu]]
* [[Wild Sonichu]]

==See also==

*[[Rosechu (species)]]

==Sources==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichus]]

User:S679

2019-07-25T16:19:41Z

S679: Created page with "Neutral party."

Neutral party.

2014 house fire

2019-07-23T22:50:46Z

S679:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|FIRE! 2:00 AM. [[Jerkop|911]] arrived ten minutes later. Did everything they could; started downstairs; [[Mass debating|bathroom]]; electrical; made it to the roof. Considering EVERYTHING, but [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]], [[Clover and Snoopy|both dogs]], [[Chris|me]], and [[Chandler Cats|Lucy]] and my [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]], shoes, clothes, whatnot on our backs made it out... Considered physically lost.|Chris, 10 January 2014}}

On 10 [[January 2014]], [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]] was devastated by '''an early morning fire'''. Chris first mentioned it on [[Facebook]], and it was confirmed later that day when [[Charlottesville]]'s local CBS affiliate, WCAV-TV, broadcast a brief news report on the incident.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

==The Fire==
Shortly after the fire, leaked emails and Facebook posts from Chris helped set up his version of the timeline of events that fateful night. Naturally, what we heard from Chris and what was written in the official fire report obtained months later were quite different. Chris initially claimed that the fire started around 2:00 A.M.; however, the official report states that the 911 call wasn't received until 2:44 A.M. This is in line with what WCAV reported as well.

===Chris's Timeline of Events===
*'''2:00 EST''': According to Chris, this was approximately when the fire began.
*'''2:00-2:10''': Chris claimed that a fire extinguisher was present or was retrieved, and that there was an attempt to extinguish the fire, which ultimately failed. After the failed attempt to extinguish the fire, Chris evacuated the household, along with Barbara and the Chandler pets. Sometime during this period, emergency services were called.
*'''2:10''': Local firefighters arrive at the scene.

===Actual Timeline of Events===
[[File:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris's house on fire. This photo is believed to have been taken around 4:00 A.M., more than an hour after the fire started.]]
The official fire report states that Chris's 911 call was actually [[Chris and reality|received at 2:44 A.M.]] and that fire personnel were on scene about 15 minutes later. WCAV stated the fire started around 3:00am. Almost immediately, the fire department asked for additional support to help fight the fire. The fire was put out by 6 A.M., and the scene was cleared by 7:00 A.M.

*'''2:45''': Dispatch tones 4 fire stations (Dyke, Ruckersville, Standardsville Fire, and Greene County Rescue Squad.) Dispatch relays "Fire in the downstairs bathroom."
*'''3:01''': Dispatcher relays that a lot of smoke is coming from the basement and flames are visible at the top of the steps.
*'''3:01''': Engine 11 requests Orange Company provide additional manpower.
*'''3:05''': Engine 21 is on scene and reports heavy smoke.
*'''3:06''': Engine 11 is on scene.
*'''3:13''': BVille (Burtonville?) Fire has been called for support.
*'''3:37''': Command requests dispatch contact the power company.
*'''3:45''': The fire has been burning for at least an hour at this point.
*'''3:47''': Station 2 is called for additional manpower.
*'''3:53''': Station 1 is called for additional manpower.
*'''4:05''': Heavy fire coming through roof.
*'''4:07''': Command requests Hollymead for additional manpower.
*'''4:45''': The fire has been burning for about two hours at this point.
*'''4:47''': Madison County contacted for additional personnel.
*'''5:00''': Rescue 401 leaves scene to transport one patient (Probably the injured firefighter) to Martha Jefferson Hospital.
*'''5:22''': Chris first breaks the news about the house fire on Facebook. He commented twice on the post in quick succession, lamenting the loss of personal belongings and the memories of his home, as well as stating he was able to salvage his mother's medication and his wallet. At the time of the posting, he was boarding with a generous neighbor.
*'''5-57-7:11''': All the remaining units on-scene are cleared to return to their stations.
*'''7:10''': Chris posted an angry comment on [[Wikipedia:Keurig|Keurig]]'s Facebook page, producer of the coffee brewer, blaming faulty wiring in the product for creating the spark that created the fire. Chris then admitted to operating the coffee brewer within the bathroom after responding to a comment from his friend [[William Elliott Waterman]], who vainly tried to calm Chris down and not seek vengeance so soon after the fire.
*'''7:30''': Sunrise.
*'''Later''': An e-mail from Chris is released giving more information about the event. It is revealed that Chris and Barbara were allowed to enter the house and retrieve [[Lego|necessities]] for living from the house, and are currently receiving [[Rental House|accommodation]] from their insurer while investigation and "repairs" are conducted.

<center>{{collapsible
|Fire Report
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:FireReport001.jpg
File:FireReport002.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

There is no official word as to the cause of the fire, but the person who leaked the above fire report documents claims that it was caused by a spark from an extension cord run through the bathroom door, the plastic coating of which had worn away.<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fire-report-docs.4849/#post-337450</ref> Chris admitted to [[Catherine]] that he was using an extension cord in the bathroom to plug in a Keurig coffee maker located in an adjacent room. The cord was looped over the top of the door, and the friction caused by the motion of the door had abraded the cord, starting the fire. Chris claimed that the brewer was off when the fire started, although he admitted that [[Honor roll|it wasn't unplugged]]. Why the Chandlers had an extension cord running out of the bathroom to plug in a coffee maker is anyone's guess, but it probably has something to do with Barb's hoarding. It is worth noting that in [[Tour of Chris's House II|Chris's second video tour of his home]], coffee cups are spotted around his bathroom sink, suggesting that the bathroom has become the primary source of water. Said video also shows the blatant fire hazard that was his home, with piles of paper and plastic inside a barely standing structure of dry wood.

==Victims and survivors==
Chris reports that he, his mother, and his pets Clover, Snoopy and Lucy escaped the blaze unharmed. Unfortunately, one of his cats was killed in the blaze, and was discovered by the cleaners. Chris buried the cat in the backyard. It was initially unknown whether it was Scamper or Kitty, until [[CatKnight Interview 3|February 2016]] when Chris confirmed [[Chandler_Cats#Scamper|Scamper]] was the one who had died due to smoke inhalation. It's unknown what happened to the other cat before the fire, but it is likely that this death gives Chris nowhere near as much pain as the death of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] did.

According to the news report, one of the firefighters suffered minor, unspecified injuries while putting out the fire. Considering how difficult it had been for Chris to navigate his junk-ridden hallways, it is likely that, in the rush to fight the fire, one firefighter may have tripped over the clutter or initiated an avalanche of [[navy]]-coated bric-a-bracs. Chris told Catherine and Al that firefighters were unable to enter the house through either door because of the hoard, and had to climb in through windows.

=== Firefighters ===
Unlike the local police departments of Greene County, Chris has historically been ambivalent towards firefighters. However, in the aftermath of the house fire, Chris and his mother both apparently blame the "greedy firefighters" for the absence of some of their personal possessions (which included a cheap knock-off painting and Barb's purse), effectively accusing them of theft. This information was revealed in an [[Misc_E-mails#Greedy_Firefighter|email]] leak after the incident. Insinuating that one of the brave and selfless firefighters who saved his home openly [[Chris and his Ego|stole from him]], especially when there were no grounds whatsoever for his implications, was a new low even for Chris. Once again, Chris showed complete ingratitude for anyone who tries to help him. Only time will tell if the Ruckersville Fire Department will again play a major part in Chris's pathetic life.

==Extent of destruction==
[[File:14305011100_debcde366f_b.jpg|thumb|Photo of the melted Lego Manchester High School, taken within the house on 11 Jan 2014.]]

It can be rightfully assumed that the Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to save his wallet, Barb's medication, some clothes and shoes, and his iPhone (as shown in [[Brushfire Video|a later video uploaded through YouTube Capture]]). Soon after the fire, Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]], not to mention he eventually bought ''Super Mario Maker'', heavily implying that he managed to save his Wii U and possibly at least one of his [[3DS]]'s. He could have also acquired another Wii U, but this is unlikely. He was also seen on his PSN, showing that he either still had his [[PS3]], or that he promptly acquired another (also unlikely.) He even had his old [[PSEye]].

In a [[Reaching Out to Game Developers.|video]] uploaded on 19 [[November 2015]], Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]], confirming the fire did not destroy all of the original ''[[Sonichu]]'' comics and artwork.

Chris stated on Facebook that everything else was "considered physically lost." However, he later revealed to Catherine that his mother had rented a storage unit to hold items which had been recovered from the house. Al and Catherine also noted that the rental house was piled high with boxes and trash. As is typical of hoarders, Barb probably decided that much that was burned or water-damaged was actually salvageable.

A troll visited the house two days after the fire, and found that while the exterior structure of the house appeared largely intact, there was apparently sufficient damage to the roof that it had to be covered over with plastic cladding. Some of the exterior wood paneling had also warped and twisted, presumably due to being near where the fire was burning at its strongest, though due to the house's exact layout being unknown, it's hard to say where exactly this was. The house's windows had been boarded over (as is standard in house fires of this kind), making it impossible to get any exact details on the house's interior condition.

It is unclear to what extent Chris's personal possessions survived the flames. The [[Lego]] [[Manchester High School|High School]] escaped only partially melted, and he was able to use some of the smokey pieces to reconstruct the structure. He also employed his creative [[geinus]] to build a [[ReBrick#Billboard Person from Melting Chaos|surprisingly-original sculpture]] out of the damaged pieces. Two copies of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] yearbooks survived, albeit with smoke and water damage. At least one of his [[Pixelblocks]] creations and a [[medallion]] survived. In reply to a comment on his [[eBay]] auction of his autographed photos, Chris claimed that the [[Chris and fashion|"Classic" shirt]] was lost in the flames; however, three years later, he [[eBay#The Classic shirt|revealed]] the shirt had in fact survived, albeit badly damaged. He also confirmed that his Nintendo GameCube was a goner as well. No word yet on [[the Wall of Originals]], Chris's other [[Chris and art|art]], the [[Crumple-Lope]], the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' poster]], the portal to [[CWCville]], the [[Attraction Sign]]s, the [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]], and the [[Plush Breasts]]. Large numbers of schoolbooks and documents also survived the fire, but were thrown away once the renovations began.

Over the year, Chris bought multiple Lego sets to replace those lost. He also bought uncut ''Sailor Moon'' DVDs to replace the ones he gifted to Megan some seven years prior.

During the video [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.]], one of the oldest Christorical artifacts, the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] totem/figure from Chris's [[Graduation]], was shown to have survived the fire.

On [[April 2017]] it was revealed that another famous Christorical artifact, [[The Classic]] survived the fire. However, it suffered from severe water damage. Despite that, it did not prevent Chris from trying to sell it on [[eBay]] and, when it didn't find a buyer, wearing it himself to special events.

==Aftermath and reaction==
In one of the most interesting and significant events regarding Chris's <s>fan</s>trollbase, a care package was put together from online donations, initially pooling a few hundred dollars in a matter of hours. The total amount in donations was worth almost a thousand American dollars<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fire-relief-fund.2855/page-12#post-169127</ref> and consisted of basic necessities with a few amenities thrown in (markers, paints and modeling stuff).

After being sent an incident occurred when a [[weening|troll]] used the tracking number that was posted on the Internet to have the package returned midway. The package was eventually held at a post office in [[Charlottesville]] and withdrawn by the Chandlers. Chris made a polite [[Facebook]] post about it in which he expressed his distaste for the [[CWCki]]. A note was sent alongside the goods:

<blockquote>Hey Chris!

Your Sonichu friends have heard about the house fire, and to help you out we put together a care package as CWC as we could! In a few days, 34 donated and collected over $900 towards getting this stuff out to you!
Since your bathroom is where it started, I’ve focused on buying toiletries and hygienic stuff to keep you clean and healthy as you recover from the damages. I could not spend all the money collected, so I’ve also included a money order for $500 that you should give to your mother. She can cash it out and buy whatever you guys need to keep chugging. Don’t forget to get something nice for your pets, too!

I know you often feel that life is hopeless, but there’s good in the world and in people. I hope this package helps you see that. No person on the Internet can ever take away your right to be happy. You must find reasons to enjoy life, even when there are enemies trying to bring you down.

I’ve included some arts and crafts to help you take your mind off things. I think your fans would really like to see what you come up with, because it’s been a very long time since we’ve seen anything new from you. Try to create something that makes you happy and that you can be proud of.

Good luck with everything, Chris. Keep hate out of your heart and look forward to each day.
We will be around if you need us.
</blockquote>

<center><gallery>
[[File:Example.jpg]]
Carepackage box.jpg|Care package.
carepackage_contents.jpg|Its contents.
carepackage_letter.jpg|Note.
carepackage_facebook.png|Chris's update on Facebook.
</gallery></center>

A note by Chris that was posted on the website of the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]] attest that the church had also provided donations to the Chandlers in response to the house fire.<ref>[https://archive.is/9iIi1#selection-343.0-347.9 Thanks to All from the Chandlers]</ref>

==The Return of Chris's House==
On 3 [[December 2014]], Chris announced that 14 Branchland Court was being reconstructed, and by [[January 2015]] he was safely moved back in. Between those dates, however, he was forced to briefly stay at [[26 December 2014|Albemarle Regional Jail]]. Chris's newer videos show small areas of the now-renovated house - Chris's room, whilst still full of boxes of clutter and other things, has been repainted in magnolia and has had the wooden cladding removed, making the room look much lighter and less claustrophobic, for example. In addition, with the fire destroying much of the hoard, the building as a whole is in a much more sound condition, although only time will tell as to how long this will last.

==See also==
* [[January 2014 Facebook Posts]] - Facebook posts Chris posted about the house fire.
* [[Misc E-mails]] - E-mails exchanged between Chris and his classmates about the house fire.
* [[Rental House]] - The Chandlers' temporary household after the incident.
* [[Chris and journalism]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris's house]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2019-07-23T03:25:29Z

S679:

''Italic text'''''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|call between Alec and Chris]], which took place 25 [[February 2010]].

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in [[Issue 10]], given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and [[Sonichu Revolution]] comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything fine. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "[[Sandy]]", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

[[Christian Love Day]] is also brought up. Chris denies [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape, or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND saying that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right". When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a pathetic cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question.

Chris also admits that he has no objections being kissed up to, which has been [[Ego|fairly obvious]] for quite a long time. He then goes on to prove he knows little to nothing of Christianity, his professed belief ([[Chris and religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits to believing Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not okay to [[parody]] a parody (it's as nonsensical as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[List of Chris's lies|blatant lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]], for no reason whatsoever.

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence, much to the disappointment of Alec.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|iu02fNtlmdQ}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = Current
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set- in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:''' But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is, uh, [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like, Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which, by corollary, makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about [[Chris and his ego|your ego]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|hypnotize people into hating Asperchu]]? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book...

'''Chris:'''-in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your ''job'', Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

'''Alec:''' Miss?

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=Current|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTkyWTduZ0JXOXc The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Nintendo

2019-07-21T03:18:27Z

S679:

{{Taxpayermoney}}
[[File:ChrisGameShop.jpg|thumb|Chris at the ''Nintendo'' shop.]]

'''Nintendo Co., Ltd.''' ([[Anime|Japanese]]: 任天堂株式会社 ''Nintendō Kabushiki gaisha'') is a multinational video-game company from [[Wikipedia:Kyoto|Kyoto]], Japan, which was founded in 1889 and started off producing [[Card games|playing cards]]. During the latter half of the 20th century it started getting more and more involved in the [[video games|video game]] industry. In [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], 5 years before the birth of [[Chris]], Nintendo brought out its first gaming console.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20110518095018/http://www.nindb.net/system/color-tv-game.html</ref> It is now one of 3 chief competitors on this market, along with [[Microsoft]] and [[Sony]].

==Nintendo and Chris==
[[File:Customwiimote.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, with his Wii.]]

Chris currently owns several Nintendo consoles, as well as [[List of Chris's games|a shitload of games for them]]. For a long time (before the [[PS3]] came along), ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' was the biggest game in his life and he made the hour-long [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]] in which he would tell Nintendo about his many personal problems and how much he hated the [[Sony]] [[PlayStation]]. It still remains his longest video to date.

Along with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], ''[[Pokémon]]'' was his "[[plagiarism|inspiration]]" for creating [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the other [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]; this was actually positively covered by ''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]''.

During the early epic [[Miyamoto Saga]] in [[2008]]-[[2009]], Chris was [[troll]]ed by [[Clyde Cash]] impersonating various Nintendo officials, including [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Takashi Tezuka]], [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] and the Nintendo lawyer [[Jay Z]].

In [[2010]], Nintendo's [[Flipnote Hatena]] service became a major part in Chris's ongoing [[Love Quest]]. In [[2011]], Chris felt betrayed by his favorite company for [[3DS Flipnote| not porting the Flipnote software quick enough]].

[[File:MiiversePost2.png|thumb|A post from Chris's Miiverse account.]]

In [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|several]] [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|videos]] released in 2011, a Giant Mii AR Card is visible on Chris's wall.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20150602134421/https://club.nintendo.com/rewards-details/a/21002.do</ref> This particular item was only available to [[Club Nintendo]] members, for the price of 300 coins.

On [[December 2013]], a user on [[4chan]]'s /v/ board discovered Chris's [[Miiverse]] account and posted pictures of some of his posts. This means Chris has spent [[taxpayer money]] on a Wii U.

On 10 [[January 2015]], Chris posted on his [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]] group that he will [[List of places that have banned Chris|permaban]] anybody who talks about Mario on the group, especially after the [[weening]] that occurred on the page, mentioning that "The Sonic Team definitely kicks the Plumbers' butts".

On 19 [[January 2017]], Chris [[:File:Thoughts On Switch Jan 19 2017.png|revealed in a personal text message]] that he had no [[Chris and his Ego|opinion]] about the then upcoming [[Nintendo Switch]], as he was [[Vidya|preoccupied]].

On 7 [[March 2019]], Chris uploaded [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]], an unboxing of a Nintendo Switch sent to him as a gift from [[Sarah and Steve]].

==In the comic==
[[File:NDS.PNG|thumb|left|300px|Seems an awfully convenient plot device - it's almost as if [[Chris and writing|Chris isn't a very talented writer]].]]

In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], Chris uses a DS to connect to Wi-Fi, to search [[CWCville]] for villains.
==Mii==
[[File:ChrisChanMii.png|thumb|Chris' Mii (Friend Code 2836-0121-9073)]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|Miis of [[autism]] and Chris's half-siblings: [[Carol]], [[David]] and [[Cole]].]]

A Mii is a cartoon version of oneself used in various Nintendo games and services.

Chris wrote a poem on the topic: ([[Mumble 7]], 2009)

On your Game Boy Advance SP 
create 'yer MII 
den play it on WII 
with your PSP 
hooked to your [[PS3]] 
cause it's fun 
see? 
And never play a [[Hex Box 360]] 
Because it's stupid and you're not a dummy

He also told a version of this poem to [[Megan]].<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007]]</ref>

In 2011 Chris got a Giant Mii AR Card and put it on his wall.

Many Miis appeared in [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]] (2015).

In 2017, Chris gave a Mii card (signed) to [[Clare Porter]].

==Wiimote of Fail==
The Wii Remote of Fail is the result of [[Chris]] taking it upon himself to paint custom [[Sonichu]] colors on his Wii Remote and Nunchuk during an [[autism|autistic]] epiphany. He thought that [[Shigeru Miyamoto|"Mr. Mayamoto-san"]] of Nintendo would like to see these, so he then showed them off to the world in his [[YouTube]] video [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto]].

It made a cameo appearance as a go-kart in [[ModNation Racers]]. First as a pre-made [[Chris and death|casket]] car that Chris simply called a Wiimote, he would then recolor it with his own personal touch just [[Pokéwalker of Fail|like]] [[Gitar of Fail|so]] [[PSP of Fail|many]] [[Media:CWCGameCube1.jpg|other]] [[Media:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|things]].

It was offered for sale on [[eBay]] in April 2018 due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. Chris also sold off his Wii console<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts]]</ref>.

{{collapsible
|Gallery of Chris's own ''Nintendo'' merchandise
|<center><gallery>
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|Because painting things [[Chris-chan Sonichu|blue]] and [[Sonichu (character)|yellow]] makes everything TRUE and ORIGINAL.
File:003-NPSon.jpg|[[SEGA]] Nintendo!
</gallery></center>}}

==See also==
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|Appeal to Nintendo in Redmond]]
*[[Club Nintendo]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays e-mails]]
*[[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]
*[[Chris E-mails 2004-2006|Nintendo e-mails]]
*[[An Official Sonichu Update|Nintendo of America]]
*[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Wii Incident]]
*[[Miiverse]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[wikipedia:Nintendo|Nintendo]] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)

2019-07-20T05:45:11Z

S679:

{{Dated|Need contents from Sonichu 12-9 and beyond}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Comic CWC.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male, later Female
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob Chandler#In the comic|Bob Chandler]] [[Barbara Chandler#In the comic|Barbara Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Mayor of CWCville (until ''Sonichu'' #11)
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
|-
|}

[[Image:Chris0.jpg|thumb|<s>Chris's most accurate self portrait</s> [[Sammy|Try this.]]]]
[[Image:CWCFlex.jpg|thumb|Definitely not this one.]]
[[Image:Cwcanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the character.]]
'''Christian Weston Chandler''' is a character in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Within the comic universe, [[Chris]] has not opted to portray himself as a [[Obesity|fat]] [[autism|autistic]] slob who refuses to work; rather he is the respected creator of [[CWCville]], "father" of hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and a deific character beloved by all.

Despite the sub-episodes in which he appears ostensibly concerning the real Chris, he can't seem to keep from invoking superpowers and fictitious plot contrivances.

In December 2014, it was revealed that, just like his real-life counterpart, Comic Chris has become a [[Tomgirl]] and goes by the name '''Christine Weston Chandler'''.

==In the comic==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|left|A typical comic depiction of Chris - a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double-chinned Chris.]]
[[Image:CWC collage.jpg|thumb|left|Chris is a master of consistency.]]
Chris depicted himself as Mayor (only stopping as of February 2017, when the [[Allison Amber|new mayor]] was mentioned) of his fictional town, [[CWCville]]. Unlike real life, comic-Chris is popular, good-looking ([[Chris and art|notionally speaking]]), and surrounded by adoring women (whose real-life counterparts are generally [[trolls]], [[Gal pal|gal-pals]] who [[Megan Schroeder|hate him]], or fictional creations like Allison Amber). He also has the ability to change himself into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and use any and all of the powers of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] at will, thus rendering Sonichu and company completely superfluous.

Any characteristics comic-Chris possess stem from Chris's attempt to portray himself as the lovable loser type of character, known from any generic romantic comedy. He is portrayed as noble, brave, intelligent, and surrounded by cartoon characters who fawn over him. However, so as not to appear to be a COMPLETE Mary Sue, comic-Chris also has trouble with [[Love Quest|finding a girlfriend]], is shown to have a limited ability to fight off his [[Manajerks|enemies]], and is regularly in need of help from his supportive friends in order to overcome his problems. In the comic, real-life relics like his [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] are not mere paraphernalia - they're magical objects which can make his [[China|dreams come true]].

He is of course the creator of CWCville, complete with a doting secretary, now [[February 2017 Facebook Posts#CWCville is a sanctuary city|heiress to the CWCville legacy]], on whom he dumps all his [[Semen|dirty work]], which she takes with a smile. However, his actual role relative to the citizens of his city is closer to god-king than mere creator; his office was permanent and indisputable during his time in it, and every character reveres him as their creator and supreme being, and is unswervingly loyal to him for no reason. If it weren't totally obvious, Chris's comic persona is a pure wish-fulfilment Mary Sue. Because Chris has trouble [[Chris and reality|defining the line between reality and fiction]], added with his compulsive knack to cling onto [[Honor Roll|anything]] that would justify him as a person, Chris tends to view his achievements in the comic as genuine achievements, and held the title of Mayor of CWCville when addressing himself.

Sonichu is the main character of his self-titled comic in name only. While all the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] tend to make up an ensemble cast with equal weight on the story, if there is any true lead protagonist to the series, then it is Christian. The comic's narrative focuses on him and the problems he has to deal with, and virtually everything in the world of CWCville only seems to matter in relation to Chris (much like the real world). Towards the end of the initial run of Sonichu, Chris began to feel that the focus on his trolls and personal problems were distracting the series from its original purpose, and created [[Sonichu 10]] to wrap up his storylines in the most gruesome, violent but satisfying way possible, supposedly to let his character retire in a blaze of glory.

===Atrocities===

Predictably, Chris's creation of a world in which he is god results in even more insane behavior than is exhibited his real-life counterpart, primarily due to him (and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|superpowered goons]]) possessing the power to actually carry out his [[Death threats|threats]] in a controlled environment where he can (attempt to) portray himself as morally superior.

In only 11 issues (including 4 specials), he permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|someone]] [[Megatron Pistol|by]] [[Sonichu Special 4|shooting]] him in the legs after he'd surrendered, [[Sonichu #0|completely destroyed the life]] of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job and then callously mocking him by saying that [[Chris and his Ego|''he'd'']] suffered worse, destroyed a populated building which he had sealed up beforehand to ensure no living thing escaped and later tried to blame it on the building's lackluster security, broke into [[Mary Lee Walsh|an old woman]]'s home and brutally attacked her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, directly ordered the murder of over one thousand five hundred people in the self-perpetrated destruction of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, orchestrated a purging of [[Homos|homosexual]]s and asexuals, and arranged a [[Sonichu #10|show trial]] for [[Asperpedia Four|four men]] in an openly biased court, before personally executing them in brutal and inhumane ways- forcing [[Kel|chil]][[Sandy Rosechu|dren]] to commit first-degree murder in the process- for the crime of making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]].

It should be noted that Chris's avatar undertakes all of these activities with self-righteous euphoria, and offers no justification, nor does he display any remorse.

===[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===

Right from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] Chris is depicted on the front cover commanding Sonichu to "Zap to the extreme!", and within the comic itself, congratulating Sonichu for his victory. At this point, Chris is drawing himself only semi-realistically, but he is still a minor character. ''Sonichu'' #0 is one of the rare issues that is actually based primarily around the idea of Sonichu as the protagonist.

===[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]===

''Sonichu'' #1 is Chris's lowest-key outing to date, merely depicting himself commenting on the actions of the characters, and, bizarrely, his own [[Chris and art|drawing ability]].

===[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]===

Having again drawn himself on the cover, by ''Sonichu'' #2 Chris has turned himself into a fully-fledged main character. Chris depicts himself as the messiah of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] foretold by his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|ancestors]]. It is in this issue that he first gains his ability to turn into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], an event which will dominate the rest of the series to the point of [[Sonichu]]'s redundancy.

===[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]===

After featuring heavily in the previous comic, Chris takes a back seat to the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Sadly, he still can't resist adding his head onto the first page.

===[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]===

The legendary comic made entirely up of sub-episodes about Chris's life. Things get a little confusing because not only are the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] depicted as existing in Real Chris's universe, but he also has super-powers with which to battle the [[Jerkop]]s. Again, Chris is depicting himself with selfless friends and powers he wished he actually had, but doesn't. And all the powers and Pokémon in the world still don't stop him getting beaten by the Jerkops or being trolled by [[Hanna]]. This comic also marks the introduction of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imagined sister, [[Chris and Sex#Incest|on whose beauty he remarks numerous times]].

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===
[[Image:Chris5.jpg|thumb|150px|Manga Chris. So kawaii~.]]

Real Chris, distraught at discovering [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - a long-standing love interest of his - is getting married, depicts himself as a noble gentleman who only wants what's best for her. Of course, in reality, Sarah couldn't have cared less what Chris thought of the wedding, [[Chris and his Ego|but Chris felt that showing his acceptance was vitally important]]. An interpretation could be made that Chris is battling the two versions of himself - the side who wants Sarah all to himself (Real Chris, played by [[Wes Iseli]]) and the side who wants Sarah to be happy (Comic Chris). It probably helped that by this point Chris had transferred his feelings for Sarah over to [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], who makes her début appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]], allowing him to make the noble choice a lot easier than it would have otherwise been.

This comic also introduces the pseudo-manga art style (thanks a lot, Megan) that would come to characterize later comics.

By the next episode, things starts to get confusing. Yes, Chris is Mayor of [[CWCville]] and can order around public servants, but he still can't find a [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend]]. Despite this, he continues to depict himself as a noble warrior of [[China|love]], protecting all of [[Virginia]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh|those who would to take it away]].

===[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]===

''Sonichu'' #6 is the first issue to go into detail about how Comic Chris manages to run a city while sitting around getting [[Hanna|trolled]]. Opening with Real Chris discovering that his beloved dog [[Patti Chandler]] can talk, the action soon switches to Comic Chris as they enter CWCville. Chris introduces [[Patti-Chan]] to Allison Amber, a Hollywood starlet who inexplicably gave up her promising career to run CWCville while Chris was sitting in his [[Attraction Location|attraction locations]]. This character is indicative of how Chris portrays himself as so charismatic that young women drop everything to do his bidding. He is the "Big Cheese". Either way, fictional Allison Amber has a boyfriend, so Chris loses out in his own comic yet again.

Comic Chris spends the rest of the comic bemoaning his loneliness, and making bizarre and scarcely-comprehensible "hints" that [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] is his true [[sweetheart]]. Even in comic form, Megan wants none of this.

===[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]===
[[Image:Chris7.jpg|thumb|Chris as depicted in [[Issue 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].]]
[[Image:Chrisandsammy.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Sammy]] together.]]
[[Image:Set1pic2.jpg|thumb|Comic Chris as of 2014.]]

The megalomania begins on the cover, which is decorated with tiny pictures of the important moments of Chris's life, such as the time he held a basketball or tricked Megan into being photographed with him.

The comic itself revolves around Comic Chris and Megan, who is depicted as struggling with her feelings for Chris (in reality, at this point, she hated him). The comic at this point was being used as a tool to attract Megan, so much of the extraneous action is centered on the dating life of the [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] as a (barely) veiled hint as to what direction their friendship should take. The courting of Megan is also why it's the most manga-esque issue to date, which in turn results in Chris's self-depictions being hugely inconsistent in style.

This issue is also notorious for its introduction of [[Sammy]]. Intended to be a bumbling, Peter Griffin-type counterpart to Comic Chris, Sammy is extremely stupid, [[Obesity|massively overweight]] and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits his pants]], which results in a far greater resemblance to the real Chris than Comic Chris has ever had.

Halfway through making this comic Chris was being trolled relentlessly, so he responded by trapping himself in the [[Time Void]], and thus removing himself from the direct action in the comic.

===[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]===
Unable to keep himself completely out of the action, Chris somehow emerges temporarily from the Time Void on the 10th floor in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in order to physically assault an employee who is working on a caricature of the [[The Oversized Drinking Straw|over-sized drinking straw]] picture, while [[Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu]] cheer him on in unison. Chris disappears immediately afterward.

===[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]===
Even though Chris remains trapped in the Time Void, he can't resist including himself substantially in this issue. The first time he shows up is during [[Ivy]]'s "vision" portraying her being with Chris as told by [[GodJesus|God and Jesus]]. The second time is at the end of the comic. In the scene, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Wild Sonichu]] discover the [[Time Void]] and end up pulling Chris out of it. Fifteen minutes later, Chris, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], unveils some sort of plan (which isn't elaborated) and he races off. On the final page, Chris declares that he, and anyone he created out of his sweetheart search misadventures, will never show up in the pages of his comic again... though the last page presumes that it'll continue in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

===[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]===
Despite the announcement at the end of the previous issue, Chris's character returns and immediately places himself in the middle of the spotlight. During the time this issue was being drawn, Chris was boiling with [[Chris and anger|rage]] and [[Death threats|crying for the blood]] of [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Clyde Cash]], [[Evan|and]] [[Asperpedia|every]] [[Alec Benson Leary|other]] [[troll]] and for the [[Christian Love Day|"straightening out"]] of [[homosexual]] [[JERK|males]] due to all the gay ads in his [[CWCipedia]]. As such, whatever small narrative restraints Comic Chris had possessed have been extinguished, and the character acts purely as a mouthpiece (and avenging fist) for his creator.

At the beginning of the comic Chris discusses the future, wherein he is to be married to a woman named [[Lovely Weather]] and, since he slept with her, he is no longer a virgin. Apparently, homosexuality is such a big problem in the future that Chris was also asked by future scientists to donate some of his "straight" blood so they could use it for a vaccine. Chris, however, hoping to employ it on the homos in the present, sends Magi-Chan back to the future to steal a crate of the vaccine. This is contrary to the time-travel logic he established in "Time Hogs", wherein it is assumed that time is in flux and cannot be altered.

Chris moves on to fight some devil trolls who had infested his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|old website]], and then he attacks and destroys 4-cent_garbage.com leaving a hundred people dead in the process, including Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, who are forced to commit suicide.

Chris is then attacked by [[Naitsirhc]], but Chris eventually gets the upper hand and tries out the gay vaccine on him. After Naitsirhc turns back into his old incarnation, Chris declares the vaccine a success, and gives the order to pollute all the drinking water in the world with it, effectually eradicating homosexuality and asexuality (since Chris for some reason does not like that either).

[[Meg Griffin]] of all people suddenly turns up and claims to be a fan of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], much to Chris's pleasure. After beating up some random guy who called Meg "sir" and Chris "madam", he cheats on Lovely Weather by making out with her, after her confirming that she is consensual. Unbeknownst to Chris, Meg is really [[Silvana Rosechu]] in disguise, and Chris has therefore been trolled.

Once again Chris takes the time to apologize without really apologizing, this time with a babbling insincere speech to the homosexuals who might have been offended by the fact that he just committed something comparative to genocide against them. With that out of the way, Chris takes out the [[Sonichu Balls]] and transforms into [[Collosal Chan]], and together with Sonichu, now transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]], sets out to "right some wrongs". Aside from the minor detail of getting [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] out of the mirror, [[Collosal Chan|Hobo Chan's]] main priority is getting rid of [[Asperchu]], which he does by breaking into Asperchu/Alec Benson Leary's house, fingerbanging his "[[Xbox|HEXBox Pavilion]]" to the breaking point and turning Asperchu and the rest of the comic cast into "improved" versions of themselves.

After this, Hobo-Chan fights [[Mary Lee Walsh]], leaving her completely paralyzed and sentenced to a lifetime in CWCville's maximum-security prison (killing her is out of the question after the [[Liquid Chris]] furore). After that, Chris reverts to his human form and gives a speech. Meanwhile, Simonla Rosechu is murdered, and the Asperpedia Four are arrested for the crime. And at the same times as Chris starts giving out blessings and apologies to the Asperpedia Four, they are subjected to a show trial for their crime against him and CWCville, and are then brutally executed by the Sonichus, with Chris partaking in Alec's execution by electrocution, and personally carrying out Mao's execution by ''tearing him apart'' with his psychic powers.

The huge issue finally concludes with Chris urging everyone to celebrate his masturbatory holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and leap and dance and sing praise in His name, for great is His wisdom and His benevolence.

===[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]===
[[File:Christinecomicdrawing.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris during his ''[[Sonichu 11|"physical transformation"]]''.]]

Chris appears in Sonichu 11 near the end of "A Sonichu Christmas" as having transitioned into a woman in the time since the last issue. Chris is only drawn on one page, appearing in photographs on the subsequent pages, like in ''Sonichu'' #6. As the episode takes place in [[2008]], Chris is depicted as becoming "Christine" much sooner than in real life; this is confusingly explained by retconning the time travel plot so that Magi-Chan helped 2007-Chris to transition into a tomgirl in 2014 and then sent her back to 2007/08. Or something.

===[[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]===

Sonichu 12 marks the first time where Chris takes a major role in his new female form. He attended Cwcville's first Annual SLGBTQ along with his sister [[Crystal]], the hedgehogs, and his self-spawned children. After initially convincing Reldnahc, his still evil gay twin to quit with a textwall, he would find himself battling Reldnahc in their respective Sonichu form, with [[Cole Smithey]] brainwashed to the jerkops' cause. After sending his half-brother in to a pocket dimension, Reldnahc and Chris would find themselves locked in a battle in yet another pocket dimension. After defeating Reldnahc, revealed some of the jerkops are zombies and wonders if his evil twin can ever be befriended. Chris would end the episode with a tribute to his late [[Bob Chandler|father]] and claiming he is a reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who attended Woodstock.

===Present Day===
Prior to appearing in Sonichu 11, Chris updated his in-comic incarnation to reflect his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]] in 2014. He draws himself as a complete female, with a feminine shape (relative to the featureless rectangles he generally uses for bodies, that is) and breasts. His [[hair]], greasy, thin and receding in real life, is full and feminine. As is customary, his [[heterochromia]] is hugely exaggerated and he is intended to look attractive.

==Idea Guy influences==
{{main|Idea Guys}}

[[File:CWC gets kicked.jpg|thumb|[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!| I KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN!]]]]

During the Idea Guy saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspective of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Ideas involving Chris's comic character include:

*Classic Chris falling under the control of Nazis, abolishing women's rights to go on his Love Quest and subsequently being confronted by the current Christine, who kills him by kicking him in the balls.

*Sexually aggressive clones of Chris invading Equestria and mutating to become slimy and bulbous.

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Chris_fan_art|linkname=Christian Weston Chandler}}
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler]] – Chris IRL
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] – his [[Patti-Chan|furry]] side
*[[Collosal Chan]] - the personification of his God complex
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] – his [[Silvana|feminine]] side
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] – his [[homos|homo]] side
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] – his [[Niggos|racist]] side
*[[Sammy]] – his much more [[Honest Content|honest]] self-portrait
{{Mayors of CWCville}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]

Mumble 4

2019-05-22T20:56:49Z

S679:

The fourth of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]] on 6 [[February 2009]].

Length: '''48:34'''

==Summary==
* Chris is uploading the [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|second gay video]].
* Chris and [[Clyde]] play tic-tac-toe.
* Chris explains why he didn't go to [[Miyamoto]].
* Clyde asks why Chris has spent over $1000 on [[PSN]]. Chris tries to label $1000 as an obvious exaggeration, a [[lie]] that Clyde calls him out on. Chris guesses that he's spent $10000 on games over the past 9 years, but claims to be recovering from his spending problem.
* [[Julie]] says she'd stay with Chris even if he becomes homeless. Chris, on the other hand, seems content to leech off of his family.
* Clyde asks Chris to name 5 bills associated with the house. Chris's can't.
* "If anything" says Chris "I'm overqualified [...] for every type of job available."
* Clyde describes the wild woman he loved, who killed herself.

18:30

* Clyde says Chris doesn't know what love is.
* Chris gets emotional on the subject that [[PandaHalo]] (Sarah) got with Clyde, but less so when Clyde says she might be dead.
* Chris saw the movie ''[[Wikipedia:Just Friends|Just Friends]]''. "Romantic comedies build hope for TRUE romances." Memories build toward love. Without such honest feelings, it's as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.

25:30

* Chris denies just wanting [[sex]].
* In a woman, Chris looks for a caring personality, strong emotions, a strong will, all-around personality. But definitely not [[niggos|black]]. But he's not racist. "I would care about a black woman as a friend, honestly. But, you know, I would not want it beyond just friendship."

28:10

*Chris does a retarded imitation of a Jamaican racist. He also likens himself to Archie Bunker (from ''All in the Family''), who was intended to be a reprehensible bigot.
*The [[Donald Duck impersonation]] scares the shit out of Clyde.

31:20

* Chris justifies giving advice with the quote: "Those who are unable to, teach."
* Chris burps.
* Chris tells Clyde he wants to apologize to [[Vivian]] for not being receptive to her advice.
* The [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|second gay video]] is up.

39:00

* Clyde tells Chris to get rid of his material possessions for Julie. Chris says it'd take him more than 8 hours.
* Chris has read [[R.L.Stine|R.L. Stine]] books, "the one with George and... Lenny?", the Bible, ''The Giver'', Pamela Anderson's ''Star'', ???, another one on the tip of his tongue, and he's reading [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|Vivian's book]].
* Clyde gives Chris 3 days to sell or throw away his shit. (The result is [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009]].)

48:00

* The other [[trolls]] jizz all over Clyde.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Mumble 4
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|5wD3HiKNXhU}}
| Stardate = 6 [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Clyde]], [[BlueSpike]], [[Miscreants]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

 '''BlueSpike:''' Alright, so anyway. (?)
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I redid the video. I did not use the word “[[gaybian]]”. I did not use it.
 '''Clyde:''' [interrupts] Let's watch and find out okay?
 '''Chris:''' Well, it's gonna be 'bout a half-hour to an hour.
 '''Clyde:''' Let's play a little game. It's called [[Wikipedia:Tic-tac-toe|Tic-tac-toe]]. You know, with the circles and the X's. Okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Clyde:''' I call the middle square. What square do you call?
 '''Chris:''' Mmmm. Upper left.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright, then I call the one right below it.
 '''Chris:''' I call... middle right.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, I'm just messing with you. Let's not play this game. Chris, I have to ask you one- one very important question.
 '''Chris:''' Shoot.
 '''Clyde:''' Ah man, my memory's going. Why... why do you drop women on the...just you know, on the tip of the hat? I mean, you and whatshername, [[PandaHalo|Sarah... Cassandra Mackenzie]]. I-I mean God, You said yourself you were like, really close for months and months.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Clyde:''' And you drop her on the, just drop it right there and you didn't go to [[Nintendo]]. You didn't do anything. Why didn't you do a thing?
 '''Chris:''' Hmmm...Uh... hmm...Well, because I felt uncertain of a lot of details. Like I wasn't totally sure I was talking to the real Mr. MAIyamoto. And plus I didn't have my family's support. And uh I really did not have the money to make the trip.
 '''Clyde:''' You just blew your chance, Chris. You know- you know that whatever you say will be taken as crazy talk but you know I'm already working with uh, [[Reggie]] right? It's not going to happen for quite a few months in fact. But be prepared, be prepared.
 '''Chris:''' For what?
 '''Clyde:''' You know, Rabbichoso. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I bet it'll go straight to $9.99 bin.
 '''Clyde:''' [laughs] Of course, because it's being priced at $9.99. It's not a full-priced game. You know that. You know, it's going to be on like PlayStation Network. Well it's probably not. It's probably just gonna be on Wii Ware. Still good, it'll be just like [[Wikipedia:Cave Story|''Cave Story'']]. You ever play ''Cave Story''?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Clyde:''' Do you play any good games? I mean, Christ. You spent over $1,000 on the PlayStation Network...why would you spend so much [[money]]?
 '''Chris:''' I play a lot of good [[games]].
 '''Clyde:''' N-never mind about the good games part, that's irrelevant bullshit. Why would you spend over $1,000 on the PlayStation network?
 '''Chris:''' How do you know I spent over $1,000 on the PlayStation Network? Because that could be an obvious exaggeration right there.
 '''Clyde:''' It's not an obvious exaggeration.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Clyde:''' I have your records detailing your intimate history from March [[2007|'07]] to [[January 2009|January '09]] of every single purchase you ever made. I calculated it. It's over $1,000.
 '''Chris:''' You don't have-You don't even have to track the history you could just go to my download list and then figure out which ones are demos-
 '''Clyde:''' Exactly, it's been over $1,000 Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright fine, woopty freakin' doo, $1,000. But it's only a little bit at a time over a long period of time.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, you don't know anything about saving money. How much have you spent on games?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... well I spend a lot.
 '''Clyde:''' How much do you think you spent over the last nine years?
 '''Chris:''' Nine... well, yup. Mmmm...I'd say estimate, uh, taking a rough guess here. Fine, $10,000. I'm just taking a guess.
 '''Clyde:''' Ugh, Christ, man. If you can't afford the money then you can't afford to save anything for your future; for [[Daughter|your future children]]; for [[Lovely Weather|your future wife]]. You don't think about the future do you? You just think about now; you just think about what you want now; what you want-
 '''Chris:''' Fine well I'm not- well, I'll admit I'm not- I wasn't very good at money, I was compulsive on spending.
 '''Clyde:''' You still are.
 '''Chris:''' I'm recovering. Hey at least I'm not that far gone to admit it that I have a problem with spending and I admit the problem, that's the first step to recovery.
 '''Clyde:''' That's far from the first step, you have to do something.
 '''Chris:''' I am, I'm taking initiative to save.
 '''Clyde:''' And how much have you saved?
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, well I have bills to- I have credit card bills to pay!
 '''Clyde:''' For the past five years, I've been working on a little egg to save money. I spent- I've dipped into it a bit. This is- ain't, from my parents inheritance, this is all of on my own. I got 15,000 saved Chris, for the past five years Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Well good for you, I praise you for that.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm saying you can't even save $100. What makes you think you can support a family?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' [[Julie]], why would you want to be with this man? He can't support a family, he can't support you!
 '''Julie:''' Because I love him.
 '''Chris:''' Not right away- but, but give me time.
 '''Julie:''' Because I truly love him.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. The power of love and God- and God- and power of prayer and God's help and enough time, it can work.
 '''Clyde:''' And what will you do if you're homeless? What will you do?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, homeless. That diff- that's a tough one. Well, there's a thing called family. I have good people in my family.
 '''Clyde:''' Julie, are you going to take this? You're going to accept living without a home? Really?
 '''Julie:''' If it's with Chris, yes.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh my god, you two are going to die faster than I can say autistic. Christ! You- I can't believe it. You would accept being homeless.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, I would.
 '''Clyde:''' Enjoy your death, enjoy your death.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, you don't know what-
 '''Julie:''' Chris will never be homeless.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah and besides- besides Clyde, you don't know- you don't know what kind of lifestyle Julie had to gre-grew up with. I mean she came from a poor country.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Interrupts]'' And this is what you're going to treat her to, is the same-the same old life she had before. That's very gentlemen-like Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Now I'm gonna tr- I'm gonna do my best to try to give her a mor- a much more comfortable life, I'll do my best.
 '''Clyde:''' Chris, when your parents die, what's gonna happen to your house, what's going to happen?
 '''Chris:''' You're asking me when my parents die, what's going to happen to my house?
 '''Clyde:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' [[Slow in the mind|Well, I assume the house is still gonna be on the land it was built upon.]]
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, so it's not yours anymore, interesting. Interesting.
 '''Chris:''' Well actually they're leaving it to me. So there.
 '''Clyde:''' So you've got a house, that's decent. Tell me, name five bills associated with, you know, maintaining the house. Can you even name five?
 '''Chris:''' Five bills associated with maintaining the house. Alright, there's the electricity, the water...abuhbuhbuhbuhbuh ''[muttering]''... food, clothing-
 '''Clyde:''' Food and clothing are not part of the house. That's part of the, you know, daily life. I'm talking about the actual house.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]'' Okay, there's, uh, hardware like-
 '''Clyde:''' What hardware? For what?
 '''Chris:''' Like for roofing. For one thing.
 '''Clyde:''' Do your parents even own the house?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, they own the house.
 '''Clyde:''' Do they have a mortgage on it? What, anything?
 '''Chris:''' They do not have a mortgage on it.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh, so-so they own the house. Legally. Interesting. Well, you got one thing going for you, you at least have a house. But I don't know, man if you can actually survive in it.
 '''Chris:''' Tsk-tsk. You are so quick to under- to undermine a person. And underestimate them.
 '''Clyde:''' I'm not being quick to undermine a person. I'm thinking of what a family man should do, okay?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sudden awful ''[[Family Guy]]'' impersonation]'' Hey listen, Peter Griffin, he's a family guy and he's retarded and yet look at his life! ''[Voice deepens into what is probably a horrible [[Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] impersonation]'' Homer Simpson D'oh!
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Disbelieving]'' That's a cartoon. That's not real life. Not-not even the closest.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but it's based on the real life associated with the people who created them.
 '''Clyde:''' No it's not! You think Matt Groening's life is like Homer's life? Of course not!
 '''Chris:''' ''[More awful Homer Simpson impersonation]'' Well I don't know if it's close my life, but I feel like it's close enough to be with my own life! And nobody better lay a finger on my son's [[Wikipedia:Butterfinger|Butterfinger]]! D'oh!
 '''Clyde:''' What?! [softly] Oh-Chri- So are you saying that ''The Simpsons'' is exactly like real life?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not saying that necessarily, but if they can survive it in their own way, then I feel I can survive it in my own way- at my own pace. And that uh- with the power of prayer, and God by my side, and my sw- and my [[sweetheart]], things will work out.
 '''Clyde:''' Let me tell you something. Things don't magically “work out.” Things don't work that way. The real world does not work that way.
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to do the heavy work, and all the work associated with all that.
 '''Clyde:''' Now now, I know you said you're going to be a house husband? Right?
 '''Chris:''' That or I can go out and get a job.
 '''Clyde:''' And what kind of job can you get? What do you qualify for?
 '''Chris:''' If anything I'm overqualified!
 '''Clyde:''' For what?!
 '''Chris:''' Every- every type of job available!
 '''Clyde:''' You think you can be the CEO of a company?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, put me behind a desk and tell me what to do and I'll do it!
 '''Clyde:''' The thing is a CEO ''tells'' people what to do. If you need something be told then you are not qualified to do that job.
 '''Chris:''' I don't have to be- hey. I just need- hey if I am the one that needs to be telling everybody what to do then I have to find out what the company is about, and all things associated with the company, or whatever I'm the CEO of, and then I will give real thought, sound decisions and direction.
 '''Clyde:''' What kind of job can you get within your degrees? What will your degrees get you?
 '''Chris:''' If anything, like a job [[Bob|my father]] had working at [[Wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]]. Like for example he designed the controls for the plastic molding machines, so, without him, you would not have the plastic for your keyboard.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, so you think you can design some... something I don't know whatever you just said.
 '''Chris:''' Hey without him you would not even have anything as simple as a plastic-
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Interrupts]'' I'm talking about you, I'm not talking about your dad. I'm talking about you.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Clyde:''' I'm talking about ''you''. What can you do?
 '''Chris:''' I can do anything I am capable of, if I set my mind to
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Exasperated]'' I am asking you what you are capable of!
 '''Chris:''' I'm capable of a lot of things!
 '''Clyde:''' I'm telling you to be specific!
 '''Chris:''' I'm creative.
 '''Clyde:''' God. You said you had that CADD degree, and you- and I asked you to send that, I want to see what you-
 '''Chris:''' It takes- It takes creativity to create such things like I did in the [[CADD]] classes.
 '''Clyde:''' Your CADD degree, right? You had [[CWCville Mall|that mall]]? I want to see this mall, I want to see if you're actually qualified. I want to see if you're actually qualified to get a job.
 '''Chris:''' You want to see it, huh? Alright, give me a moment, I'll write the email for ya.
 '''Clyde:''' You know my email. [[Gregg Mays]] with the G's.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm gonna send it to you from my Gmail address because it's a big file.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright. If it's a big file it's probably better, isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' Well that depends on your perception.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Laughs]'' Never mind. I'd love to see this though. Looking forwards to it.
 ''[Intermittent background noise]''
 '''Chris:''' On its way. Right now.
 '''Clyde:''' Good. I'm looking forwards to seeing it. I wanna see.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris.
 '''Clyde:''' Julie, you wanna see something?
 '''Julie:''' No, not really.
 '''Clyde:''' This is the man that's also gonna be your future husband. I'm just saying. You always have a chance to back out now.
 '''Julie:''' I would never. I would never.
 '''Clyde:''' Come on Julie, you don't want to do this. You don't want to do this. I beg of you. You don't want to be with this man. You don't.
 '''Chris:''' Julie, I care about you. I care about you very much.
 '''Julie:''' Chris is right. I do want to be with him.
 '''Clyde:''' You can give as much love. You can say all those empty “I love yous” over and over. Let me tell you something.
 '''Chris:''' When it comes from the heart, they are not empty. And every time I say I love you I have my heart behind me.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Laughs]'' Every time you say “I love you”! You say “I love you” to every woman that walks down the street! [mockingly] You said that to [[Megan]], you said that to [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], you say that to all those people!
 '''Chris:''' I- we- Because I was very close to each of those women! And I always meant it from my heart!
 '''Clyde:''' Whoa, you're going out with multiple women at once? That's a little- ehh, you know, you're treading some dangerous ground there.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, I can't help it if they all moved on with their lives. They didn't- couldn't stick around. That doesn't mean I'm not- I'm gonna hold it against them. I still care about them individually. I mean that, from my heart. Just like I care about Julie right now. Very much.
 '''Clyde:''' You don't know what love is, do you Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I know that love takes a lot of hard work and deep emotions. Obviously a lot more than you are capable of feeling, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' Let me tell you about the girl I loved.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Clyde:''' She was a wild one. She did shit that most women never do. She was a wild one. Did sports, dropped out of school, did drugs. She killed herself. Still don't get over that.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry to hear that.
 '''Clyde:''' Let me tell you something. Tell you something. You still don't know what love is. You move on from woman to woman. If one is out of your reach, you just move on to the next one. You ditched the prospect of [[Sarah Hammer]] just for Megan and ''[Microphone cuts out]''.
 '''Chris:''' I- did not ditch her. I mean I tell ya. I was so hurting in my heart and my soul that I had to lose her to you. Really hurt me. It wasn't an immediate decision for me to move on. I had to make myself emotionally stable. ''[Starts stammering]'' And build up the- and build up so much in my head sorting all the details out at my own pace. It was hard. Very hard. ''[Sigh]'' But then I have- but then I have to realize I have like- I mean besides I haven't heard from Sarah in a long time. I could- I didn't even know what- I couldn't- I guess I just never really knew from her point of view. I mean I had to hear it from- I have to hear it from her own mouth that she is going to be with you. But I never heard so ''[voice cracks]'' heartbreak.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright I'll tell you the truth. Ever since the move, I haven't heard from her either. I fear she might be dead.
 ''[Long pause]''
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't know where she is or what she's doing. She hasn't responded to me either. I had some nice pictures, I announced the wedding, but, ahh it's... I dunno. It's all gone. At least for now. She's supposedly in America right now, you know that, right? Could she be searching for you? ''[Laughs]'' I doubt it.
 '''Chris:''' Well I don't know. Can't say for sure, because yes, I have not heard from her.
 '''Clyde:''' Looks like she's probably moved on from both of us. I don't know what's going to happen to my child. [''sighs''] [''inaudible''] Now, I just want to ask you a few questions about- about your past life. You know there's this, You know there's this person called [[Wes Iseli]]? You seen- you know he's on youtube? He's married now, you know that?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry. Could you repeat his name please?
 '''Clyde:''' Wes Iseli, you know, the magician?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Wes EYES-LEE.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't know how to pronounce it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well, okay- yeah, okay, so he's married. Is that what you just said?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, he's married now. Not to whatever-her-face was but, he's married, he's still successful and he's doing charity work. He's a very impressive man.
 '''Chris:''' Well, good for him.
 '''Clyde:''' How could you hate a man like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' I was jealous. Jealousy got the best of me then.
 '''Clyde:''' But what made you think that Sarah wanted you in any way?
 '''Chris:''' She and I were childhood friends.
 '''Clyde:''' Is that it?
 '''Chris:''' We were very close. She was my- we were literally next door neighbors.
 '''Clyde:''' Then welcome to the friendzone! Where you'll be friends forever and never be anything beyond that.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, I saw the movie [[Wikipedia:Just Friends|''Just Friends'']].
 '''Clyde:''' You know romantic comedies are just... bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Romantic comedies build hope for true romances. And they build up for stronger romances. Though, I think I have a good general understanding of how to keep a romance true and strong.
 '''Clyde:''' No you don't. All you know is what's on TV and what's on movies and whatever. And they're lies, Chris, those are lies. And they've influenced you to a point where you just believe romance is saying "I love you" over and over and over. Like you're fated to be with a lover or something.
 '''Chris:''' I- it- it- it's a lot more than just saying I love you over and over again. It's a lot more than that. It's about building so many memories with the woma- with the person the- uh- person of the opposite gender that you truly love and care about. Growing fond memories, being close together. So many priceless- priceless. So close.
 '''Clyde:''' Memories. That- that's not what love is about.
 '''Chris:''' And those- Those memories build towards the true love. And honest- in the honest emotions that have to occur during that relationship. Because without the emo- because without the true love and honest emotions, it's just about as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.
 '''Clyde:''' Why don't you do that? I mean, come on man.
 '''Chris:''' Because I desire meaning. I take it to heart.
 '''Clyde:''' Look, I mean, [[Fuck Quest|all you want is sex]]. It's pointless to argue.
 '''Chris:''' You're wrong! You are absolutely wrong! I don't just want sex! I want the true honest relationship that goes along with that. If I just wanted sex I would have [[Mia Hamm|hired a prostitute]] and gotten an STD years ago.
 '''Clyde:''' So you have an STD. Interesting.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said I would have hired a prostitute and got an STD. I do not have an STD.
 '''Clyde:''' And it looks like you'll never get one for your entire life. I mean, what do you look for in a woman.
 '''Chris:''' I look for ten- I look for caring personality, and strong emotions, strong willed. All around personality. Woman who will be good to me. And is not afraid to uh- to uh things to uh, to keep the relationship strong and alive, But also- Hmmm. Somebody also this woman who will just love me for me. And I will love her mutually. Her for her. And for who she is, and she love me for who I am.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh come on! I saw that, whatever you, that one myspace thing, you say you're looking for, blonde woman, not black, not a policewoman, not autistic, you know, under some weight. Come on man!
 '''Chris:''' So I was a bit more picky back then! And plus I wasn't, plus I wasn't sure if all the total details. I mean- I mean I've learned! That it gets more beyond the physical attributes. But still, call me [[Chris and race|old-fashioned]] but, I'd rather be- I would not- I'd uh- I'd definitely wouldn't uh... '''[[Niggos|NOT BLACK.''' Not black]]. Uh, I mean every other- all the other races would just like a majority... out of the whole bunch of races- [[Chris and race|I'm not being racist here]], Julie.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[In disbelieving shock]'' How is that not racist?! Come on! You blatantly said "not black!" Not black, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I am willing to have- I mean I would care- I would care about a black woman as a friend. Honestly. But you know, not b- I would not want beyond just friendship.
 '''Clyde:''' You still have a lot to learn. That's about looks. Not about personality. You're still being racist.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sudden '''amazingly racist''' imitation of a Jamaican person]'' Hey don't you play for me no fool man.
 '''Clyde:''' What... What was that?
 '''Chris:''' You figure it out.
 '''Clyde:''' I didn't- I have no comment on- what was that?!
 '''Chris:''' ''[more racist imitation]'' Oh that is the imitation of a black person or somebody from Jamaica!
 '''Clyde:''' You- you do know those are different- oh Christ almighty! So you are racist, my god.
 '''Chris:''' ''[More ear rape]'' Hey well if it fits Archie Bunker's shoes then let it be! But I am not totally racist man. ''[Normal voice]'' I am not racist.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Laughing]'' Then what was that?! What was that?
 '''Chris:''' You just- I uh- you just threw a label at me so I just imitated someone who actually was.
 '''Clyde:''' Oh my Christ. Christ almighty. I don't know what to say to that. You know what you should do
 '''Chris:''' ''[Still more ear rape]'' [[South Park|Respect mah authoriTAH!]]
 '''Clyde:''' Why don't you do a [[Donald Duck impersonation]]?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Still more ear rape]'' (''Inaudible Donald Duck impression'') ... after I do a Donald Duck imitation.
 '''Clyde:''' Why do you enjoy scaring me like this?
 '''Chris:''' Well... mmm... I did not mean to scare you. I was just being entertaining.
 '''Clyde:''' That was frightening.
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to lighten up the conversation. hey, if uh, if an imitation is imitatable [''sic''], then it's- it's okay then. Oh wait wait. Okay, imiatable to a certain point.
 '''Clyde:''' I...oh my God, I'm shaking. What was that voice? Th- that was hell...
 '''Chris:''' You asked me to do Donald Duck. ''[In Donald Duck voice]'' That was Donald Duck.
 '''Clyde:''' I know that's Donald Duck but my God, you put an end to that madness before it blows up on my childhood and my mind.
 '''Chris:''' Mm...I see. Well I feel for you there.
 '''Clyde:''' I gotta ask you something. I mean, for someone was has never gotten laid or have an actual girlfriend, you still seem to give advice.
 '''Chris:''' It's just- it's like, uh- the stereotype of how anybody would describe any teacher. Those who are unable to, teach.
 [Incoherent interrupting]
 '''Clyde:''' You don't become a math teacher not knowing how to do math. What makes you want to go off about what you should do or what
 '''Chris:''' ''[Burps]'' 'xcuse me. Mm. I figured good sound advice from personal experiences on when I try- when I tried to find myself- a woman to make a sweetheart from the ground up.
 '''Clyde:''' A-and what do you mean by that? From the ground up? Are- what does that mean?
 '''Chris:''' Starting with friendship.
 '''Clyde:''' It sounds like you want to ground up a woman; it sounds like a serial killer to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, m-maybe it was a bad choice of words I was going with for a long time. But I meant starting from friendship.
 '''Clyde:''' You know, you've been doing a lot of stupid things, and no one has corrected you. What kind of friends do you have?
 '''Chris:''' I have friends who care about me.
 '''Clyde:''' They didn't care about you enough to help you. Christ, I'm probably the closest friend you've got! I'm trying to help you!
 '''Chris:''' Mm. ''[pause]'' I hear you there. You said you were, uh, Vivian Gee's cousin?
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah. ''[pause]'' I've been working with her on Rabbichoso, I mean, I've never been close to her, not much. She introduced Ryan to Sonichu. I still hold a bit of a grudge against her. But we're working on Rabbichoso together and I guess it's ''[unclear]''
 '''Chris:''' ''Sigh.'' ''[pause]'' Anyway, tell Vivian I'm sorry, I, uh, pushed her away, and her, and her sharing her advice with me. I was- I was not very receptive. I'm sorry.
 '''Clyde:''' That's- that's probably one of the most honest things I've heard you say so far. I'm surprised. ''[pause]'' But that doesn't make up for everything you've done. You've gotta take some action, man. If you don't take action, then your words are meaningless.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did take action. By the way, uh, video should be processed by now.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright, let me take a look at it...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It live.
 ''(Clyde watches "[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]")
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Sigh]'' Alright, I won't cut off an arm or anything. Maybe a few fingers, but that's about it.
 '''Chris:''' No. You leave Julie alone.
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Says something but Chris's video is still playing over the top of him]''
 '''Chris:''' Look, I did-
 '''Clyde:''' It looks like the same video to me, what the hell!
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' Well, at least I did not say "gaybian".
 '''Clyde:''' ''[Pause]'' My god, you must be a really angry man. You just just... God, what IS in your room? Christ Almighty. You have so much stuff in your room, why don't you sell that? ''[Chris's video plays over the top of him, Clyde is hard to hear]'' There is no reason a man should have so many My Little Ponies and action figures and video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well. I have no response.
 '''Clyde:''' Julie, you there? Wouldn't you like to see what Chris has in his room there, all his "mature" stuff? Like My Little Ponies? ''[laughs]''
 '''Chris:''' Look, anyway- Look anyway, I did the uh, video, I said... I said "gayyyy". Will you leave her alone?
 '''Clyde:''' To be honest, I don't feel like leaving her alone. I just came all this way... Not to see the action coming, I mean, it's a waste of money if I don't do anything.
 '''Chris:''' Look... I called- Look. I listen- I... I've been very patient with you. I gave you honest... answers. I gave you some opening... I listened to you openly. I did what you asked me to do. So, please... Oh yeah, and I apologized. For clo- For shutting you and Vivian out before. So, please, leave Julie alone.
 '''Clyde:''' You know what? No one's gonna believe those videos, everyone's gonna think you're straight, you've been doing that for way too long. Alright, one more request, and I'll think you'll enjoy doing this one... I want you to destroy every possession that you'd love to give up for Julie. That will show your dedication for Julie.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Clyde:''' Material goods is nothing you need to hold on to in this mortal world. And you have TONS of stuff. "It is only when you lose everything, is when you're free to do anything."
 ''[Long pause]''
 '''Chris:''' I will give that consideration.
 '''Clyde:''' If you have that up in the next eight hours, I'll leave. I'll leave for good. Everything that you would give up, and it better be a lot of stuff, because you have so much goddamn stuff. Go ahead, sell it all, make tons of money. And then you'll be able to support Julie. And that is enough for me.
 '''Chris:''' Well... In order for me to sort through all that it's gonna take a lot more than eight hours.
 '''Clyde:''' My God, you really do have a lot of things, don't you? I mean, how much of that stuff do you actually use?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' The vast majority of it.
 '''Clyde:''' You really use all that... My Little Ponies all the time, the... cards, and the... I don't know what else. You gotta show Julie you goddamn care about her.
 '''Chris:''' It's-
 '''Clyde:''' Sell you shit or destroy your shit, just... do something, make your room look presentable, I mean, Christ Almighty. You still look like a child!
 '''Chris:''' I'm young at heart.
 '''Clyde:''' Everybody has to grow up. Have you ever read ''Catcher in the Rye''?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Clyde:''' Well, no, why'd I ask, you haven't read any book, have you?
 '''Chris:''' I've read- I've read a whole buncha [[R.L. Stine|R.L. Stine]] books. I've read... ah shoot, that one with George and... what's his n- Lenny? Uh... ''Of Mice and Men''.
 '''Clyde:''' You haven't read a serious piece of literature. Have you even read the Bible?
 '''Chris:''' I have read the Bible. And I have read-
 '''Clyde:''' I guess you haven't read one book that's of any merit.
 '''Chris:''' I have READ ''Of Mice and Men''. I have read-
 '''Clyde:''' I said "of merit". Of merit.
 '''Chris:''' I have read ''The Giver''.
 '''Clyde:''' That's ONE book, name at least seven more. No. You can't.
 '''Chris:''' Yes I can.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright, go.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... ''[takes deep breath]'' I have read ''The Giver''. I have read ''Of Mice and Men''. I have read... R.L. Stine's ''Goosebumps'', and ''Fear Street''-
 '''Clyde:''' I said have you read a serious book, that is NOT a serious piece of literature.
 '''Chris:''' Well, among the genre, I just threw in two more as individual... books, so, so far, I gave you four.
 '''Clyde:''' ...Alright, that's four.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... Britney Spears- No, no, I'm sorry. Pamela Anderson's ''Star''. That's five. I'd include that. ''[Names another book, sounds like "Bobbitt's Town", I don't know]'' And um, I know I got another one on the tip of my tongue... Give me a moment... ''[Breathes deeply]'' And I'm reading Vivian's book.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright... I'll let that go, because I've read that book too, and I think it's a fantastic piece of literature.
 '''Chris:''' The majority of-
 '''Clyde:''' Alright, here's the deal. Because you have so much stuff, I hope to see tons of that in garbage bags, for sale, at a garage sale. I want to see you at least make a thousand dollars, with all that stuff you can sell. Or, destroy all the stuff, either you destroy it, or make a thousand dollars, that's what I want to see.
 '''Chris:''' Gonna take a lot of time...
 '''Clyde:''' I'm giving you three days.
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Clyde:''' You can either destroy all your stuff to prove yourself to Julie, or you can make money. And I suggest you pick wisely. ''[Pause]'' I'd like to see fire. Fire, fire!
 ''[After a long pause, Chris suddenly yells]''
 '''Chris:''' They did that bit in ''[[Saw|Saw III]]''! Where the guy had to choose between his- between all those toys from his child, or that guy he had... he had that angst against.
 '''Clyde:''' ...I don't know what you're talking about.
 '''Chris:''' ''SAW THREE''.
 '''Clyde:''' What is that?
 '''Chris:''' The movie.
 '''Clyde:''' I don't care about some goddamn movie, okay? I'm asking you... to give up material possessions. Okay, let's see what I have... I got a computer, I got a TV, what else do I got... I've got a printer. Uh, I've got speakers... Man, I've got... a drawing. What else... I really don't got much, to be honest- I got clothes, but everyone needs clothes. You own TOO MUCH shit, Chris. WAY too much. You need to give up some of that, MOST of it, in fact... Give up everything that ISN'T necessary for your survival. And prove to Julie that you are a man... You are a real man, because men don't play with fucking action figures, and... God, I don't know what else you do. Play... card games... It's a children's card game. For children. It's not for 26 year-olds. It's not for 21 year-olds. It's not even for 18 year-olds. I mean, wouldn't you like a nice, empty room, where you and Julie can spend a lot of time together, just thinking? Thinking about the future, thinking about life... I would love a girl who would, you know, just to chat about... whatever goes in the world, and... ride a motorcycle with me. Travel... I would love that.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well listen... I'll go through everything I have and I'll think- I will give it great consideration... Hmmm... Just, please, leave Jul- I prom- Look, I promise. I'll go through everything and I'll deci- and I'll decide for myself... And it's gonna take me quite a bit... definitely quite a bit of time... I'll make out a list... I'll do- I'll list a bunch of it on eBay or... some- yeah, yeah I'll list some of it on eBay. Just, uh, please. Promise me you'll leave Julie alone.
 '''Clyde:''' Alright, I just hope to see a video of you just... tossing most of that stuff away, into a dumpster or something. Because most of that stuff isn't sellable. You don't need it. It's worthless, it's nothing. Mere trinkets, in a land that has so much more to offer.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright...
 '''Clyde:''' I give you three days. I'll see you then.
 '''Chris:''' I see. ''[sigh/grunt]''
 ''[Chris leaves and the trolls talk amongst themselves]''

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 5|Mumble Chat 5]]|}}

==Links==
* [https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBdDRIZkxROEpSUWc Download]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/listen/zkg5wcko2xtni12/Mumble_Chat_4!.wav Download - Full 48 Min Wav File]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Barbara Chandler

2019-05-22T03:30:19Z

S679:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend [[Love_Quest|finding yourself]] a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|She threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage.]]|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Barbara Chandler
| image = [[File:Barb autograph photo listing.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Birth name
|data1 = Barbara Anne Weston
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Barb Blarb [[Obesity|Snorlax]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Sugar Darling]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Spouse
|data7 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-1963) [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|label9 = Children
|data9 = [[Cole Smithey]] [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|label10 = Father
|data10 = Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1955)
|label11 = Mother
|data11 = Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967)
|label12 = Occupation
|data12 = Office worker (retired)
}}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and the mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Otto died in 1955, after falling from a horse-drawn wagon.<ref>http://genealogytrails.com/vir/charlotte/obits_w.html</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

According to a [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on [[January 2012|January 30th, 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from [[Wikipedia:Randolph-Henry High School|Randolph-Henry High School]] in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the Future Homemakers of America, a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook, ''The Log'', and a member of the [[Spanish]] Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to [[Obesity|her figure]].

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all the Westons started hating him and his mother, or alternatively that by the time of Corrina's death no Weston other than her had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

==Cole and his various fathers==
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates".<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] tries to use [[Chris and health|big]] words to impress people – [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

===Jack Dale Smithey===
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist [[Wikipedia:Ted_Rall|Ted Rall]] made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

===Ran Coleman Yeatts===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which [[Cole Smithy|Cole]] later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce
</gallery></center>

===Jerry Harmon===
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

==Marriage with [[Bob]]==
[[File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|thumb|1980 6 7 - Borb's marriage license]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|left|She never was much of a looker.]]
According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather stayed in their old home. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the [[14_Branchland_Court|family home]] and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>

==Treatment of Chris==

===Abuse and manipulation===
{{quote|And he told me of mom saying she was going to pack up and leave the house, then I ran downstairs, finding her on the couch; she was soo miserable and sad; she talked of Wanting to Die, "you don't even have to change my clothes, you can just bury me in what I have on." I was soo sad and crying and soo sorry for the way I misbehaved; we hugged and made up a bit.|An example of Barb's manipulation.<ref name=magfest>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#Borb vs MAGfest]]</ref>}}

Barb has had a long history of abusing and/or manipulating her children. For example, she has often used threats of suicide to guilt Chris into obeying her whims. When Bob and Chris once tried to discuss cleaning the hoard to Barb, she responded by threatening suicide.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-1-12-skylanders-imaginators-leader-christine-w-chandler-random-review-n-stuff.27570/page-9#post-2020225 </ref>
She also threatened suicide to her family during the [[Ivy]] Saga, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/>

In an episode from 2011, when Chris failed to book himself a hotel room for [[MAGfest]], due to being broke, and planned to sleep in his car,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 29]]</ref> Barb prevented him from going by pointing out the "crime risk and chilly temperatures", threatening to lock him out of their house, claiming that she would pack up and leave, and later told him she wanted to die. After Chris folded and went to his room to cry about it, she gave him a "half-payment of a copy of DC Universe Online to make up for not allowing [him] to go".<ref name=magfest></ref> Later that year, after Chris became a [[tomgirl]], Barb tried to stop him from wearing dresses and make-up by telling him she feared he would kill her. She then ordered him to sit down, and she cut his hair<ref>Jackie E-mails 26</ref>.

It also appears that Chris's diet doesn't worry Barb. In the night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and hasn't made a meal for Chris since then.<ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

In addition, Barb has used the specter of old age for her own gain, by manipulating Chris into thinking she will have a heart attack. This tactic has been used so often that Chris will panic and call 911 if Barb does not answer the phone if he checks up on during the times he goes out of the house.<ref>Comments from Marvin on Kiwi Farms, gone when the site was taken down.</ref> When Barb and Chris were both arrested for [[assault and battery]], Chris was extremely worried about her health, saying in an e-mail:

{{quotebox|My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother

Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her.}}

The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] summed up Chris's relationship with Barb:

{{quoteboxgreen|Well, I don't think they talk very much. However, no, Chris is Barb's hand servant. She screams for him and he comes running. She has him change the newspaper the dogs shit on, she has him run errands to bring her stuff, and she used to have him haul her goodwill crap to the car, and then from the car into the house.

''...''

I think Barb's yelling has gotten much less frequent nowadays. It seems like she's pretty feeble nowadays. Chris is just as scared of Barb as he used to be though. I don't think he realizes how much power he has over Barb nowadays.

They're really physically affectionate in a strange way. Chris is pretty touchy feely with women because of habits he learned by spending time with Barb.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

After Bob died, Barb's abuse of Chris escalated. She treated him as a slave and forced him to be on-call at all times. Around 2013, she forced Chris to move out of his bedroom, specifically so she could bark orders at him more efficiently, by throwing a tantrum and wrecking his possessions.

{{quoteboxgreen|a few months to a year before the fire, Chris stopped being permitted to sleep separately from Barb, in his bedroom. He had to sleep closer to Barb, because she needed to be able to yell for him to go to [[sheetz]] and buy her crap, and he wasn't able to hear her up in his bedroom. He kind of tried to resist at first, but then she got super pissed and threw a tantrum. She wrecked his room and like flipped everything over because he was trying to sleep on his own.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

===Financial exploitation===
{{quote|she is also being Very Annoying. “Christine, Let’s put this random good item on eBay. I REALLY Need the Money for not only my bill payments, but also, we need more food here. I am greedy too.”

“OH! You sold something of Yours? I Want $50 From That”, she is constantly pestering and bugging me. Nowadays, Nearly every time she comes downstairs to talk or chill, my Impulsive, Subconscious feeling of her presence is Cringe and “Oh, No! She’s gonna Bug Me Again of the Da** Finances Again!”|Chris<ref>[[September 2018 social media posts]]</ref>}}

===Pampering===
{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yes, dear.|Chris, addressing Barb<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz.
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|The second page.
</gallery>
</center>

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

While both of Chris's parents are largely responsible for his current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch a Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

===Spooning===
{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|One result of Barb's parenting choices, as explained by Chris in August 2016.]]
}}

To cap off their relationship, Chris revealed in private conversations with multiple people that Barb has spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

From [[Arthur Spatchcock]], on Chris sleeping with his mother:

{{quoteboxred|Story time, kids. Now most of us are aware of the fire; how Barb and Chris were displaced for some time while the house was getting renovated. You know how Chris was all whiny about his legos, right? Some getting melted, shit like that...well he kind of left out that his own bed was ruined as well given it had years of grease soaked into it because not bathing is so chic in his eyes. So when they got back home Chris didn't have his own bed anymore so he was sharing one with Barb instead. This came with the horrifying addendum that Barb wanted to spoon with him; I don't know if he was little spoon or big spoon but I know she was unimpressed and one night just unloaded on him angrily enough that Chris decided to get his own bed with his own money. So it goes without saying that from the time Chris and Barb got back home [[DStecks|until he got that grand]] he was sleeping in the same bed as his mother.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:BN2t1QLl1LoJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-4-11-e-begging-intensifies.19356/page-5+&cd=6&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

In August 2016, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] observed Chris and Barb in public during a court hearing:<ref>[[26 December 2014]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.}}

{{quote|I am not a "Bates". OMG. |Chris, in denial<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>}}

Barb's habit of cuddling with Chris had been going on since Bob was alive, and he knew of it, but Barb was too manipulative and he wasn't able to stop her.<ref>http://archive.is/zwWV9</ref> In August 2016, Chris [[Honest content|admitted]] to having [[Chris and sex#Dreams of sex with Barb|incestuous fantasies about Barb]], prompting further analysis of their uncomfortably intimate relationship. Chris sometimes refers to her as [[Darling|"dear" or "darling"]], as he usually does for [[DoopieDoOver|would-be sweethearts]]. In his [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|April 2018 Twitch stream]], when Chris got his mother to reluctantly say "[[Random-access humor|turn me loose, you silly goose]]" after hugging him, he commented that she "used to do that more [[Chris and English|flirtingly]]".

==Health problems==
===Mental===
Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be selfish and extremely narcissistic, on account of her seemingly baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances when any sane person could see that only they were in the wrong. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating but complex topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also infamous to Christorians for her hoarding. Chris has labelled her a "pack rat",<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the state it has left [[14 Branchland Court|their house]] in, although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household.<ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms completely inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[10 January 2014]], when Chris started a house fire in the morning while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Equally unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the firefighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless. This was confirmed in April 2017, when Chris mentioned the laundry room contained a "mountain pile" of 20-40 bags of dirty, damaged clothing which hadn't been washed since the fire occurred.<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Offering The Classic shirt for $12,000 minimum]]</ref>

===Weight===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obesity|obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

However, according to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

This has continued into her old age. When she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass (probably due to her sedentary lifestyle). In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not appear to be very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In 2018, Chris decided to cash in on the Snorlax joke, claiming that his mother found it funny. He listed a plush Snorlax for sale on [[eBay]], at $200.

{{quote|Hey, Everyone! Those in the meme-know: the times when my mother used to be large and lazy, everyone called her a Snorlax. Well, Barbara likes the joke too, and can laugh it off as she is doing a lot better these days. So, one time only, she signed a Snorlax Plush, and YOU can own it; a 20% More Awesome Collectible. A personal Certificate or Letter of Authenticity will be included. Thank you.}}

<center>
<gallery>
Cashinginsnorlax.png
Snorlax1.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

===Holey buttocks===
In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks". It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it didn't sound pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the [[Financhu_Crisis|low finances]] and shit!!!". Consensus was that the so-called "holey buttocks" were in fact lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites (rather than flies) that have burrowed into her bountiful booty. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive, Chris whines about having to take care of her.

===Dental===
In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. In July 2016, Barb herself begged for money.<ref>[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]</ref> Chris and Barb restarted this begging for dental fees for Barb in early 2018.

===Other===
In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

==Aging==
{{quote|They treat, they treat you very badly in there. She, she would, she, she, she would never want me to put her into a home, and I would not do that.|Chris, August 2014<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

[[File:Barb reacts to Quinn.jpg|thumb|200px|Barb, aged 76, tissue in hand, comforting Chris after [[Jessica Quinn]] broke up with him.]]

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out", even though the latter two aren't Barb's children.

On 13 July 2016, Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being Barb, was putting on an act for money. She has since re-appeared in numerous other e-begging videos from Chris, including multiple in [[August 2018]]; her appearance is frail and quite frazzled, and her sentences are often punctuated with tons of "ums" and "uhs".

[[File:Our signatures00001.png |thumb|left|Barb and Chris in March 2018, the former wearing the [[$400 gold necklace]].]]
In August 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on Facebook of herself and Barb together.<ref>[[:File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.]]</ref> In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

In November 2016, Barb escaped injury when she slipped and fell.<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb slips and falls]]</ref>

Chris has been increasingly tasked with helping Barb around the house in her elderly age. He stated in April 2017 that he was taking care-giving classes.<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]</ref> Barb is seen in [[Minor Update, Handouts!]], a begging video, in which Chris demands money because Barb drinks costly "meal replacement shakes", possibly referring to a drink such as Ensure.
{{clear}}

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Financial problems==
[[File:Barb's blankets ebay listings photos 01.jpg |Barb advertising blankets for sale in summer 2018.|thumb|250px]]
In 2016, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying debts. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]], [[2016]], when sharp-eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. As she must have been outright ignoring her debt for some time for the bank to take her to court over it, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93.<ref>[[:File:Barb discover bank result.png]]</ref>

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she didn't bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99.<ref>[[:File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png]]</ref>

Her out-of-control debt was the catalyst for the [[Financhu Crisis]] of 2016.

In June through July of that year, Barb appeared in three videos:

*[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]
*[[Donations Requested, Please]]
*[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]

In the videos, she and Chris beg for donations, claiming to need money for her asthma medication and dental work (although they receive a combined amount of $2,500 per month from the government<ref>[[Chris and money#But wait, Chris isn't employed!]]</ref> and their costly hoards are clearly visible behind them). See the Appearances section for more appearances by Barb.

She has failed to take accountability for ruining the family's finances, trying to pin the blame on Chris,<ref>[[Patreon announcement]]</ref> even though her known debt of over $20,000 is much larger than Chris's.

She and Chris had an inheritance from Bob worth "tens of thousands of dollars" when he passed away, but Barb decided to frivolously spend it on [[Rob Bell]] in an attempt to gain exoneration for her [[assault and battery]] charge.

In summer 2018, she joined forces with Chris in selling stuff on [[eBay]], including items from her hoard and her autographs, which some fans bought.

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

In the 2015 revisions to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris wrote out Bianca's character and replaced her with his mother.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Barb is photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Bob and the various Chus.

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|In ''Sonichu'' #12.]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Barb is in a set of pages that is a cross between Chris writing an autobiographical account of himself coming out as a tomgirl to his parents and a tribute to his late father.

Due to Chris's Oedipal complex, Barb is depicted as much more youthful than Bob, even though she was nearly 70 at the time. She expresses surprise at her son's announcement on being trans. Chris states that she was "hesitant for a long while", but "got used to my subtle and more changes".

This is a drastic understatement, as the real-life Barb tried to stop his [[tomgirl]] lifestyle in ways including suicide threats, guilt trips (by claiming that she was worried Chris would kill her), paying him to stop cross-dressing, and even ordering him to submit to a haircut. If her attitude towards him cooled, it was only out of resignation rather than acceptance. Evidence of this is when she became angry with him again after finding out that he had successfully changed his name in 2016.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-6-11-cwcville-shopping-is-on-vacation.21491/page-5#post-1518208</ref>

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Barb, pictured at left, as ''Sugar Darling'', in a [[My Little Pony|MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]].

{{clear}}

===As a toy===
<center><gallery>
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form.
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]].
File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|Promo drawing for the Amiibo.
</gallery></center>

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming [[Chris's room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now".
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in several videos: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015.

She has most frequently appeared during the [[Financhu Crisis]].

[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

She resumed begging in a [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE|video]] from April 2017, in which she wears a [[$400 gold necklace]] while asking Chris's audience to give him $1,000 in exchange for his old [[Stamps|stamp album]].

She next appeared in [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]], when she walked in while Chris was recording.

After a more uploads from Chris, Barb starred another begging video uploaded on 24 May 2017, titled [[We Said Donations No Less than $1 00, US, Please]]. Chris removed the video the next day, after people threatened to report him for elder abuse.

After the last failed attempt of getting donations, Barb and Chris engaged in yet another begging video on 16 June 2017, titled [[We need immediate funds, please]]. Ironically, she wore both the [[$400 gold necklace]] and a pearl necklace.

Almost a month had passed, without any appearances from Barb. With Chris getting decent amounts of funds from his [[Patreon]] account, there no longer seemed to be a desire to beg. On 14 July 2017, she makes a small voice-only cameo in a [[Soda Awawawawa Puccho Candy Response]], screaming at him for not closing the front door. She also comments in [[Solar Eclipse Vlogs]], asking Chris if he's ready to go back inside after the eclipse ends.

Barb's first appearance on-video in 2018 was in [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]. She appeared a couple of weeks later in [[Our signatures]] to demonstrate that her signature, a key selling point in the comic sales, was real. On 9 April, Barb appeared for the seventh time during the Financhu Crisis to beg in [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please.]]

On 16 April, a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|bizarre video of a few seconds of Barb standing in a doorway]] was posted to the [[CWCki Club]]. On the 17th, she appeared as a guest on Chris's [[Twitch]] stream.

On 8 May, Barb appeared in [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!]]. Two days later, Barb appeared in [[May 2018 Paid Video Requests|paid videos giving shout-outs to school shooters Nicholas Cruz and Adam Lanza]].

She watched Chris spray-paint his shoes (and his bedroom carpet) in [[Shoe Colouring]], sitting in the same room with poor ventilation.

In summer 2018, she appears in multiple videos to promote her partnership with Chris's eBay business: [[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]], [[Barbara Chandler will be making out autographed photos and posters.]] and [[Barbara’s Blankets]]. She then begged for her car payment money in [[Mother needs a car payment]].

[[Barb confirms she isn't dead]] was her next appearance, a rare non-begging video.

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
Image:Babs1960.PNG|Barb's senior photo from high school.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when ''[[The Simpsons]]'' went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pal]]s, at the prom.
Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|Barb, evolved into Snorlax.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
Image:Barb 2016.JPG|During 2016.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
File:Chandlers.Png|Barb and Chris. Barb is interrupting Chris during a live [[YouTube]] stream.
File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|Barb's signature on a Certificate of Authenticity, included with [[2018 Sales Listings|the purchase of one of Cole's comics]].
File:Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg|Barb during Chris's 37th birthday.
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> (dead link)

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Semen

2019-05-20T23:43:31Z

S679:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCcomeuppancemedallion.JPG|thumb|right|250px|The closest [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] will ever get to touching the [[Medallion|Medallion of Fail]].]]

'''Semen''' is a fluid secreted in the [[pickle]]s of males, used primarily to impregnate females, or to simply release while [[mass debating]]. [[Chris]] has many misconceptions about its purpose and function.

Despite being "[[honest]]" about [[sex]], Chris is sometimes uncomfortable saying "semen" and occasionally uses his own unique bowdlerized terms, shown below.

==Comeuppance==
In the context of sex (especially oral) with his [[TRUE and HONEST]] [[sweetheart]], Chris refers to ejaculation as "comeuppance," as seen here:

{{quote|Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a [[virgin]], I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I '''feel my comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop.|Chris, "My First Time"<ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted">[[Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]]}}

Chris presumably coined the term because a) ejaculating can also be referred to as "coming", b) it goes "up" when it comes out of his bent [[duck]], and c) he's an [[Slow-in-the-minds|idiot]]. However, this created a shitstorm when his sex tapes dropped, because [[Wikipedia:Webster's Dictionary|Webster's]] defines comeuppance as "a deserved rebuke or penalty."<ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/comeuppance</ref> While Chris most likely heard this word and thought it would make a clever euphemism for "cum", the true meaning and its context seems to suggest an eerie [[Wikipedia:Freudian slip|Freudian slip]].

==A tasty treat==
[[File:GotMilk.jpg|thumb|200px|No caption is necessary.]]

Chris believes that whatever he eats changes the flavor of semen, which may have some basis in fact.<ref>http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106</ref> However, what makes this ridiculous is that Chris thinks his semen will taste ''exactly'' like whatever he eats. He has indicated that he would strive for flavored comeuppance so his sweetheart/cum dumpster would savor the taste. In the sex tape audio, Chris presented the following scenario to [[PandaHalo]]:

{{quote|I would have eaten so much chocolate, that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that.|Chris<ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted"/>}}

In subsequent chats with [[Julie]], this fantasy was revised so that his comeuppance would taste like strawberries.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Coincidentally, sweets and other unhealthy foods are known to make semen taste even worse than usual. Chocolate is one of the worst offenders.

==Recycling==
{{quote|Mmm! Goes down salty.|Chris<ref>[[Chris's Big Night Out]]</ref>}}

Another tidbit revealed in the sex tapes was that when Chris mass debates, he makes sure to ejaculate into a [[Fapcup|plastic cup]], to avoid making a mess.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke]]</ref> Shortly after this news broke, talk began to grow that Chris actually drinks from this cup.

The initial assumption, given Chris's hard stance on [[homos]], was that Chris was a devout, fundamentalist Christian and therefore had a rigid interpretation of the Biblical story of [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]]<ref>http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2205/what-exactly-was-the-sin-of-onan</ref> (This was before we found out Chris [[Chris and religion|wouldn't know anything about the Bible]] unless he heard it on ''[[Family Guy]]''). Eventually the real reason was discovered: Chris believes that by ingesting his own sperm he can "recycle" it, so that none of his potential children are lost, and so that his "semen count" (presumably he meant "sperm count") remains high, as though everyone is born with a finite number of sperm that they can eventually run out of if they don't swallow more. He may have learned this about egg cells, which DO have a finite quantity, and confused the two.

For a time there was no concrete evidence to support this outrageous claim, so Chris wisely decided to confirm it as fact. Multiple times.

[21:08] [11:36:35 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: have you ever tasted your own semen
[21:08] [11:37:42 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: KEEP IT SECRET, but I actually have; I recycle my semen
until I get together with my Sweetheart (you) for the first time.
[21:08] [11:38:10 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: ohhhh.. so that's why you do it in a cup
[21:08] [11:38:38 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: yes; after recycle, I rinse the cup and dispose of it.
[21:10] [11:40:03 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: where did you come up with the idea of swallowing
your own semen to recycle it after you cummed? Was it on a sex site or your own idea?
[21:10] [11:40:13 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: MY OWN IDEA.
[21:12] [11:41:23 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: IMHO, it's often unsatisfying to me upon swallowing,
because it's not being truly enjoyed by my Sweetheart.

'''FACT''': If swallowing is "often unsatisfying" for Chris, that means that sometimes [[homos|it ''is'' satisfying]].

Not convinced? Try this:

{{quote|Uh, no, I don't think so, uh, because I've done that [drinking semen after masturbating], it's called "recycling it." Yeah, so it's basically recycling so, like uh, so he doesn't necessarily lose it. I mean, 'cause you know, if you think of it as a waste if you banged it out and then you, uh and then you flushed it down the commode or leave it in the condom in the garbage can...Though personally, I've been getting sick of swallowing my own, so lately I've been disposing of them.|Chris, [[Mumble 8|Mumble chat, 17 February 2009]]}}

[[Image:Recycle.jpg|thumb|right|Yes, he really does it...]]

When [[Bob]] described a youthful adventure (c. [[Pre-1980#1940s|1948]]) from his youth to [[Emily]], Chris blurted out ''" I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!"''<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>, which implies that he believes the sperm cell that became him in mid-1981 had existed for over thirty years, and had presumably been ejaculated and recycled by his father many, many times. Although, some might argue that's the reason for Chris's [[Chris and Reality|insanity]] to this very day.

''Still'' not convinced? Chris made a [[April 16 Fetish Vids|video]] for [[Ivy]] of himself drinking his jizz, which [[Clyde Cash]] leaked on 16 April 2009.<ref>http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html</ref> Chris had previously alleged that his semen would take on the flavor of any sort of fruits or sweets he recently consumed. So eating strawberries would lead to strawberry flavored semen and eating chocolate would lead to chocolate flavored semen. Ivy wanted him to test this theory. She requested he drink his semen and compare it to chocolate syrup. In the video, Chris explains that he doesn't have any chocolate milk [sic] handy. Instead, he mixed it with some orange Fanta, completely missing the point of her request was to compare the flavor.

Just to make sure everyone on Earth knows about it, Chris later made a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] admitting and justifying the existence of the cum-guzzling footage.

{{quote|I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate--I'm not ashamed to admit it--as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I--yeah, into the cup and--yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|unborn]] [[Reginald Chandler|children]]. So then I can--then I can also still have a good number of...a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it.|Chris, defending the rights of the unborn, 28 April 2009}}

Chris has some advice for all you men out there too:

{{quote|And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners...of the--their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don--if you don--if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.|Chris, [[Chris and his ego|giving everyone his permission to not swallow semen]], 28 April 2009}}

Questions remain about his recycling plan. If he doesn't want to lose even a single unborn child, does that mean he plans to eventually father millions of children? Is he really dumb enough to believe his navy will survive digestion? (That's a rhetorical question.) And what happens to the comeuppance he wants to leave in his sweetheart's mouth? Does that magically teleport back where it came from, or can women get pregnant from oral sex? The world may never know.

In the Kacey calls, Chris has also suggested interest in drinking his semen for arousal:

[[File:Heathchris.png|thumb|left|He's bad news.]]
[[File:Autographed Photo 9.jpg|thumb|Heaven in a can.]]
{{quote|And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]], after describing how he would titfuck Kacey}}
{{Clear}}

In [[Mailbag 30]], Chris announced that he had [[Mailbag_30#Chris quit guzzling cum|kicked the habit]], although the validity of this statement is questionable at best, considering his [[List of Chris's lies|track record]] for telling the truth.

==Donation==
While Chris might have learned that swallowing semen has no effect on sperm count, he remains concerned about his fertility and how to maintain it. This unease became acute in 2014 when he realized that he had a "female soul," and became obsessed with getting a sex-change operation. While he wanted to become a woman as soon as possible, he would first need to produce his God-promised daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. This required him to find an external receptacle for his sperm, either a medical facility or a surrogate mother. Deeply confused as usual, he either believed that he would still have pseudo-parental rights after the donation; or he cared only about fulfilling God's promise, not actual maternal responsibilities.

What made this transition even more urgent was the collapse of his relationship with [[Catherine]]. While the details are currently murky, the erosion of their relationship in the second week of October seems to have convinced him that she might not become his [[Sweetheart]] and be willing to bear Crystal. Therefore, he would need to find an alternative route to Crystal's conception, and fast, so that he could lop off his Ugly Growth as soon as possible.

Chris therefore made several efforts to donate his sperm, all of which failed. Some time in the fall, he applied to be a sperm donor at Fairfax Cryobank. His application was rejected on 12 November, which he revealed on Facebook a week later. Typically, he blamed the facility for discriminating against autistic individuals, denying that [[autism]] is a hereditary disease.

{{quote|There is no such thing as a 100% healthy individual with 100% healthy DNA, so the sperm bank is lying to its recipients when they "guarantee" their sperm. There is no way to reliably figure out which combinations of DNA from sperm and egg will likely give which results. Everybody is carrying something; so why discriminate against me, and by extension, other autistic people?

Their whole "your DNA is no good- begone!" explanation is utter bullshit.|Chris, Facebook, 20 November 2014<ref>[[November 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

Saddened, he turned to his gal-pal Renee, informing her, "My donor application got rejected. So, I'm stuck in searching for a woman to have my daughter (if not Catie)." He magnanimously decided against putting this burden on her, a woman he had known for about a month. "I would ask you, but you're going through a LOT right now, and I wouldn't want to bother you about it."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee E-mails]]</ref>

He then turned to '''VoyForums'''(http://www.voy.com), a nationwide free public message board. On 20 November he posted:

{{quotebox|
'''Date Posted:''' 00:30:39 11/20/14

'''Author:''' Christine Weston Chandler (Happy)

'''Subject:''' <3 Ruckersville/Charlottesville, VA, USA, able sperm donor for lesbian couples.

Hello, ladies. I am a female, lesbian soul, trapped in a born male body, or a Lesbian Transwoman, if you will. I want to help out in my LGBT community by dontating my essence to lesbian couples. It is Totally Awesome that y'all can legally marry in VA now. Anyhow, I am game for helping in Artificial or Natural (preferred) Insemination. I am a good person, and great in getting to know as well. I also would like to be an active parent for the child(ren), if permitted. I am a really caring individual. And I am very serious in my donating. Please, shoot me an email for your serious inquiries and whatnot; I will be happy to provide my more direct contact information via email in response as well.}}

Here we see that his desire to make a daughter conveniently overlaps with his fantasies of a three-way lesbian fuckfest and actually having a relationship.

In [[February 2016]], it was revealed that Chris had been storing his semen in plastic containers delicately located in his fridge for safe keeping, right next to his family's food. <ref>[[Chris's Specimen Sample]]</ref> This method of cryopreservation, however, doesn't work

To date, no one has taken Chris up on his offer, and his sperm remains within his accursed male body.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]

{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

THAT IS MY HOUSE

2019-05-20T23:32:19Z

S679:

[[File:DeathStarCam7.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Star Wars|Do you ''realize''...? Do... you... '''realize''' something? Let me tell you: If the Rebel Alliance sees those Death Star plans, that you put in the damn droid, they could destroy our base, and we would have to move out of it...?]]]]

'''THAT IS MY HOUSE''', aka '''ECV 00193''', is a video uploaded 27 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris]] demands footage of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] be removed from the [[internet]].

Chris took down the video not too long afterward, only for it be re-uploaded by [[troll]] [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|archivists]]. On 29 August 2009, an uncut version of the video featuring [[Bob]] was acquired by [[Vivian Gee]] and [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked|leaked]] onto [[YouTube]].

==Description==
{{quotebox|I was Already In Deep Enough, but THIS IS TOO DEEP! GET ALL MY HOUSE IMAGES OFF THE INTERNET!

I am counting on ALL FULL Positive Cooperation in this major matter.

Christian Weston Chandler, August 17 [sic], 2009 }}

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wohCq_I9sbs}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|[[The Internet]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]
| next = [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE#Uncut|ECV 00192]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris races into the frame, obviously angry and upset; he begins speaking quietly, but gradually gets louder'']

This does not even deserve a [[Captain's Log]] introduction... [''dramatic [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] removal''] BECAUSE THIS IS DEAD SERIOUS. The [[Tour of Chris's House|inside and outside tour]] I did A FEW MONTHS ago of my house, everyone on the [[Internet]]...

[''Chris jumps up and suddenly begins to scream and yell in a fit of childish rage, flapping his arms as he puts louder emphasis on certain words, sounding somewhat similar to Gilbert Gottfried'']

{{RageQuote|'''[[Barbara Chandler|MY MOTHER]] AND [[Bob Chandler|MY FATHER]]''' ARE '''ANGRY''' AT ME!}}

'''THEY'RE BLAMING''' IT AT ME! '''IT'S MY FAULT, I ADMIT IT!''' IT'S MY FAULT; I WANT EVERYTHING A-'''''BOUT MY HOUSE'''''

{{RageQuote|'''''OFF!''''' '''''THE!''''' '''''INNERNET!'''''}}

[''Chris starts gesticulating ridiculously''] I'll send in detectives! I'll send in [[police]]! I'll send in EVERYTHING IN MY {{RageQuote|'''[[POWER]]!'''}}

[''noticeable jump cut; chris's glasses are back on his face and the door is left open from when [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#Uncut|Bob walked in]]'']

So yeah, please, get everything off the Internet...

{{RageQuote|Now, NOW, NOW, ''NOW'', ''NOW'', '''''NOW!'''''}}

[''Chris stomps the ground as he yells, the camera [[Obesity|noticeably shakes]]; he then quickly calms down, then holds up the peace sign'']

[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse]] the [[trolls]], peace to everyone else.

==Uncut==
{{quote|Shut that goddamn thing off!|Bob Chandler, addressing his old foe: that ''goddamn Internet''}}

An uncut version entitled '''ECV 00192''' was posted by Vivian on 29 August 2009, where Bob walks in and scolds Chris. This is the second and last time we see Bob showing any kind of parental authority over Chris. In [[Mailbag 25]], Chris revealed that he lied to his father, telling him that he had gotten the house videos off of the Internet.

We also learn the real reason why Chris's parents are concerned about the tour videos: the fear that the [http://www.vdh.virginia.gov/thomas-jefferson/ Health Department of Greene County] will discover the squalor of the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler Household]] and condemn it. Unsurprisingly, in typical CWC fashion, [[Chris and remorse|Chris doesn't seem to care about that]] and is only concerned that he got in trouble with his parents.

Also noteworthy is the fact that this marks the first Chris video explicitly featuring another living, breathing person (as opposed to [[Kimmi|an inflatable person, made of plastic]]).

===Video===
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = ECV 00192
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vTsSu2hXLuk}}
| stardate = 29 [[August 2009]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| shirt = {{GreenBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = THAT IS MY HOUSE
| next = [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''the video begins as above, but at 0:28, [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] opens the door and walks in'']

'''Chris''': JUST GET IT ''OFF'' THE INTERNET...

'''Bob''': Listen-to-me! [''muffled by Chris's "OFF THE INTERNET!"''] Listen to me.

'''Chris''': [''his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|expression changes rapidly]] and slowly turns to face Bob''] Yes...

'''Bob''': Listen to ''ME''.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Bob''': Shut that goddamn thing off!

[''Chris [[sigh]]s and attempts to turn off his [[PS3|PSEye]], but fails to realize that it's still recording the conversation. Bob walks over to him'']

'''Bob''': I don't care what you do. [''pointing at PSEye''] You get all that stuff off of there. Tonight.

'''Chris''': I'm working on it. [''slaps hands to his side'']

'''Bob''': Go work on it! [''points to the door, instructing Chris to go to the computer downstairs'']

'''Chris''': I am workin-

'''Bob''': Do you ''realize''...? Do you '''''realize''''' something? Let me tell you: If the [http://www.vdh.virginia.gov/thomas-jefferson/ Health Department of Greene County]... sees those videos... that you put on the damn Internet... they could condemn our house, and we would have to move out of it...?

'''Chris''': [''sighs''] I see.

'''Bob''': You go get that [''nervously laughs when saying the next few words''] goddamn stuff off of there and fast!

'''Chris''': I'm ''working'' on it! I was making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "get the images off of the Internet". Y'know it's not...

'''Bob''': No...

'''Chris''': Its—It's, ahh, ''out of my control'' [''flails arms'']

'''Bob''': No, ''you'' get 'em off.

'''Chris''': It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! ''I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO''-

'''Bob''': You loaded them up there, you unload 'em!

'''Chris''': I'm working on it!

'''Bob''': Go ''do it''!

'''Chris''': ''I AM WORK'- I AM DOIN' IT... I'M STARTIN'...''

'''Bob''': Get in ''here'' and ''do it''!

'''Chris''': I- [''sputters'']

'''Bob''': [''walks out of the room''] I'll be up all night with you if ''I have to''. You won't get any sleep until that stuff's off.

'''Chris''': I'm working on it!

'''Bob''': [''from outside''] Get in there and start!

'''Chris''': ''I'M WOR-KIN' ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[Trolls|E'RRYBODY]], [[True and Loyal Fanbase|IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET-''

'''Bob''': [''interrupting''] Listen!

'''Chris''': -about our house!

'''Bob''': I don't wanna get kicked outta my house. By the Health Department. And what you just did was stick a knife in our back, and kill us! [''Bob exits the room again'']

'''Chris''': Aw'right... lemme just...

'''Bob''': Get that stuff ''offa'' there...

'''Chris''': ''I'M '''WORK'''''-

'''Bob''': ...and get it offa there fast!

'''Chris''': I'm ''workin''' on it! I'm ''WORKIN''' on it! [''Chris appears to resume recording footage for his video'']

[''Cut footage ends at 2:11'']

==The Greene County Health Department responds==
In addition to creating many, many mirrors of the videos Bob wanted cut down, some more intrepid viewers actually did contact the Greene County Health Department. The Health Department did respond (3 weeks later) to one such letter, although they seemed indifferent and stated the Chandler's decision to live in a garbage house full of dirty dishes and animal feces was part of their inalienable rights as guaranteed by the US Constitution:

{{quotebox|Dear Bob S:

Thank you for your interest in this situation. The challenge is to
clarify if the conditions at this residence are a risk to the public's
health or if they are personal risks accepted by the individuals that
choose to live there.

Public Health relates to the general health of a community. When
diseases can be transmitted from person to person or when the health
risk affects the community, regulations have normally been enacted to
address these public health threats. Even so, the individual's right to
choose is protected by the Constitution. We know smoking greatly
increases the risk of cancer and heart disease, yet individuals continue
to choose to smoke. Regulations are in place to minimize public exposure
to contaminated or mishandled foods, yet some individuals still choose
to eat raw hamburger. In the case you've brought to our attention, the
"deplorable conditions" you refer to appear to be confined to the
individual residence and are the choice of those that live there. They
do not appear to effect the health of the community. There are no
specific health regulations that address individual choices in private
living conditions.

We have contacted the building official to see if any building, zoning
of fire prevention laws apply and were informed that they did not. We
also contacted the Greene County Attorney to see if he knew of any
County ordinances that would be applicable. He did not know of any. We
also contacted adult protective services to make sure they are aware of
the situation.

Please contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Jeffrey T. McDaniel 
Environmental Health Manager 
[http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/thomasjefferson/ Thomas Jefferson Health District]}}

This raises the question of whether Chris is properly informed about the risks to his health and all of his rights as a disabled person (especially the right to [[Chris and psychology|humane psychiatric treatment]] that would help him live on his own), although this probably isn't a matter for the Health Department.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = "That's My House!" - Ca. 1912 Silent Film Starring Christian and Robert Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|csQWQzpfDBc}}
| stardate = 27 [[August 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tregnier279 tregnier279]
| subject =
| type = Remix
| info = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok (Presented to You by Christian Weston Chandler)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1iwZp-j170Y}}
| stardate = 09 [[January 2010]]
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| subject =
| type = Remix to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
| info = Arguably the most popular fan video of them all
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) THAT IS MY GENTLEMENTLEMEN
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dFUikkbOf40}}
| stardate = 25 [[April 2011]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal?feature=mhum RainingMetal]
| subject =
| type = YouTube Poop Music Video
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler vs Darth Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NcBSyaWnk9I}}
| stardate = 25 [[March 2016]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI2gRuUl9SVnjsfMOwoXXDA Griffin Law]
| type = (Film) Parody
| info = Bob as [[Star Wars|Darth Vader]].
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan's THAT IS MY HOUSE (Full Edition) Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QKHoVwSkVPo}}
| stardate = 28 [[December 2017]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = ESOUH YM SI TAHT }}

==See also==
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris and negotiation]]
*[[Look, I Am helping my mother and I with the monies]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]|nextlink=[[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]|}}

{{Troll Videos}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-27]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2019-05-16T20:20:16Z

S679:

[[File:CWCderp.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris actually derps out from rage.]]

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 6 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Solid Chris]] exposes his rage against [[Liquid Chris]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Solid, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it. Prior to the sudden termination of [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in [[December 2015]], it was the second of Solid's most-viewed videos, earning over 300,000 views prior to the channel being taken down.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hA5mrsK2ZQ}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS!''' CHANDLER!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes [[glasses]] off dramatically''] is only [''throws them to the floor'']...HALF the length of that track! The FULL length of that track is ALMOST...''10'' minutes. Redo the video for the full, ''9''-MINUTE-something LENGTH!

And commentary? You can put them in a SEPARATE video. SEPARATE. So, SING the whole 9-minute-something song.

AND anurr' thing...CHRIS. Your for real n--your real name, as I have been told by [[Kacey]]...is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that! An' anurr' thing...: [''yelled while jumping up and down like a child'']

{{RageQuote|[[Speech impediment|I]]! NAME! IS! NOT! ''IAN...'' ''...BRANNAN...'' ''...SOMETHING!!!''}}

[''gasps for air in an annoyed manner''] I am CHRISTIAN...WESTON...CHANDLER! SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL

{{RageQuote|'''AND CALL ME THE REAL NAME''' [[Chris and English|THAT have]] [[God]] has been given to me,}}

AND [[Christopher's name change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989...

{{RageQuote|YOU DAMN, MOCKING, BASTARD!!!}}

GET. IT. {{RageQuote|'''''RIGHT!''''' I'M}} Christian Weston Chandler, YOU are only {{RageQuote|CHRIS...CHANDLER!}} Your medal is made out of {{RageQuote|PAPER!}} The whole length of time, THE [[medallion|REAL medal]] HAS been made out of Crayola FUCKIN' Model MAGIC, and acrylic {{rageQuote|PAINT!}} If I wanted paper, I would go to [[Wal-Mart]], and pay $5 for '''500''' {{RageQuote|'''[[Sheetz|SHEETS]]!'''}}

[''pauses, realizing what he said has no relevance to the topic at hand''] Redo the 10-minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli--[''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually--[''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail bef--, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! [''in a really high voice''] She cares about you so much! She has told me so herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that [''voice is normal again''] beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a [[gun]], Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call me by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my [[Spanish]] nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have--I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do,

{{RageQuote|[[Kick the Autistic|YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN]]!}}

And I do not appreciate that! So STOP it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, [[Sign Destruction Video|RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper]], look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-Mart for 500 dollar--for $5 for 500 sheets.

Sing the whole 9-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ref7rOmS-7s}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2009]]
| maker = [[Vivian]]
| subject = CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!
| type = (VGM) Remix
| info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|watch?v=1iwZp-j170Y}}
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| stardate = 2 [[February 2010]]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) Ian Brandon Anderson Sparta Remix
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LSZK8AqFvbg}}
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal RainingMetal]
| stardate = 12 [[August 2010]]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Hitler calls Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5_6WsxXDuqg}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI2gRuUl9SVnjsfMOwoXXDA Griffin Law]
| stardate = 12 [[September 2017]]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-07]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-07]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9

2019-05-16T04:12:18Z

S679: /* Video */

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9''' is the ninth [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|call between Alec and Chris]], which took place 25 [[February 2010]].

==Summary==
The call begins with [[Alec]] asking [[Chris]] how his birthday was and then asking about his reasoning behind the recent disturbing developments in [[Sonichu 10]]. Alec points out some notable [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in regards to Chris's use of [[Chris and anger|violence]] in [[Issue 10]], given that Chris has criticized the [[Asperchu]] and [[Sonichu Revolution]] comics for using a lot of violence. Alec goes on to call out Chris for trying to weasel out of the conditions he had agreed to in earlier phone calls and telling him off for not listening to him...again.

Chris defends his actions with the always amazing excuse that "he was still filled with anger," which, you know, totally makes everything fine. Alec also points out that "apologizing" is not quite equal to "violently murdering the people you wronged in your comic." The two argue about the issue of [[Simonla]], and the fact that Chris didn't exactly kill her in the manner promised AND introduced the character "[[Sandy]]", Simonla's daughter, defeating the entire purpose of eliminating Simonla. They discuss [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] and Chris's misunderstanding of the concept, in addition to Chris's massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

[[Christian Love Day]] is also brought up. Chris denies [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] ''Independence Day'' and claims that trying to make his own birthday a national holiday isn't completely unreasonable in any way, shape, or form. Chris states that the Mexican Flag Day (which is coincidentally the same day as his birthday) "could be better," which implies that it "could be better" by celebrating his birthday on a national level AND saying that there should be a second day in addition to Valentine's Day to celebrate love and his birthday "just feels right". When Alec mentions that he's definitely creating a pathetic cover-up for wanting his own birthday to be a holiday, Chris dances around the question.

Chris also admits that he has no objections being kissed up to, which has been [[Ego|fairly obvious]] for quite a long time. He then goes on to prove he knows little to nothing of Christianity, his professed belief ([[Chris and religion|also obvious]]). Chris also admits to believing Simonla has always been his and tries to explain why it's not okay to [[parody]] a parody (it's as nonsensical as it sounds). In addition, Alec catches Chris in another [[List of Chris's lies|blatant lie]] about how many pages he had done. Chris blames the [[trolls]], for no reason whatsoever.

The call appears to end with Chris hanging up mid-sentence, much to the disappointment of Alec.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|iu02fNtlmdQ}}
| Stardate = 25 February 2010
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Alec]]
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]
| next = Current
}} </center>

=== Transcript ===
'''Alec:''' Hey Chris, it's Alec.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Hi, Alec. I was not...

'''Alec:''' Hey, Happy birthday!

'''Chris:''' [''Annoyed''] I wasn't- okay, well I was not expecting you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, yeah.

'''Chris:''' So, thank you.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah, how was, how was your birthday today?

'''Chris:''' My birthday was yesterday, and it was, it was, it was good.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh, it was, it was yesterday?

'''Chris:''' I spent it with my family. Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, I saw the pages you got uploaded today. Um, yeah... Uh... What's up with that trial, Chris? That was kinda like, that was kind of, uh, out of left field. That was... I didn't expect that at all.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you drew, you drew, you, uh, drew me, you drew, you drew me in a set- in a setup of, uh, the, of uh, being beared false witness from uh, from your, from your parody of my Sonichu. In, uh, comparison of uh, that, of the [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]] being the real one and not me, which I was the real deal. And then you set me on fire. And then recently, you per-, you portrayed me getting my head getting chopped off with a sawblade! With gory detail!

'''Alec:''' Chris, you didn't read that, that last page. Did you read the, um, the page? 'Cause, what happened there was, um, that was a picture of the real you in the comic, and I said, you know, like your head got chopped off but then you came right back and said "No, it's okay, we're just faking". I didn't, your head didn't actually get chopped off.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Okay, it could maybe have more obvious.

'''Alec:''' Well, if you read the text it would have been obvious. You know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It, there was a lot, there was text there, I mean, I spelled it out. I specifically had you say "Don't worry, this is fake!", you know, "My head's not really chopped off. I'm fine." You know, um, you accuse me of using, er, well, not accused, of using violence, I do use violence, that's true. But I was just kind of, uh... It seems kind of weird that your comic has suddenly taken a ''very'' gory turn. I mean, like...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] It's just, it's just, it's just [[Sonichu Special 4|one time]].

'''Alec:''' But you said violence is wrong, though. One time's...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting again''] But I... Yeah, well, you, you, you did violence unto me, I was just returning the favor.

'''Alec:''' Oh, revenge is okay, though? Chris, you said violence is wrong. You didn't say it's okay in the case of revenge. [''long pause''] And, I'm kinda, I'm kinda curious, why is this trial taking place? Like, why are Alec and Mao and me, er, Alec and Mao and uh, Evan and Sean, uh, why are we on trial?

'''Chris:''' [''takes a smug tone''] Okay, let me see. The, uh, copy-, copycat, the whole bunch of copy-, copycat of practically everything from my, nearly everything from my books. Set me on fire, chopping my head off, false witness, and uh, oh yeah, how about wanting to kill Simonla Rosechu?

'''Alec:''' Um... Do you remember all the times we talked about Simonla? Where I explained to you that I wanted you to kill her because she's not your character, and Evan wanted her gone from your comic?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, you told me, you swore up and down to me that, that you understood the point I was trying to get across to you and that you understood what I...

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting yet again''] Yeah I did, yeah I did understand that. Yeah I-

'''Alec:''' [''Shutting Chris down''] Well, no! You're lying to me, Chris. You obviously didn't.

'''Chris:''' No, I did, I did...

'''Alec:''' [''Refusing to put up with Chris's bullshit excuses''] God Chris, I can't believe, I cannot believe you did this Chris. You, you know I thought that you were just, you know, kinda going "Yeah, uh-huh" just mouthing along and pretending to understand and saying what I wanted to hear to get me off the phone. And you know, I said that to you. I asked you, "Are you doing that?" And you said "No," you said no. You, you promised you understood, you would comply, you believed what I was saying. But then this trial comes along and what you're telling me right now is apparently my words went in one ear and out the other with you. And you think that, that me and Evan did something wrong to you. You think that you have done nothing wrong? Do you seriously believe that we are, you know, antagonists and that you are just a saint here?

'''Chris:''' Hmmm. Let me think about that a moment. To ask my question best.

'''Alec:''' Okay, well, while you're thinking about it, remember: Don't tell me the answer that you think I want to hear. Tell me what you really believe. That's the answer that I actually want to hear, is what you really believe.

[''Tense pause. Chris is watching South Park in the background.'']

'''Alec:''' You know, I'm looking at... Uh, the page here where you had like 10 people simultaneously electrocute me. Sonichu says [''wimpy voice''] "Oh I'm not gay!"

[''Chris attempts to respond, Alec drowns him out.'']

'''Alec:''' Chris, how many times, how many times did I tell... Okay, another thing, apparently, you didn't listen to. How many times did I tell you that I never portrayed Sonichu as gay? I explained clearly to you. Because you thought that he and Asperchu are gay, and I explained to you, "No, they're just, they were just hugging because they're friends, they're close friends." And I thought that you understood that, but... Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but like it'd be, but the portrayal could be misconstr-, construed, especially with the, uh, all the pink, all the pink-hearted drawings that you did...

 '''Alec:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you did misconstrue it.

'''Chris:''' And the one, and the one where they were, the one where they were lying next to each other, in a bed situation...

'''Alec:''' Okay, okay, you did misconstrue it. That's true. And then you brought that up to me, and then I explained to you what it really meant. And now you apparently ignored that and just, you say, Sonichu says, "eeewww, you're portraying me as gay." I'm not portraying Sonichu as gay. I've never done that. The only gay characters in my comic are Wild and Simonchu... Well, Simonchu's bisexual. And, uh, I think that's it right now, actually. Well, Mitch, Mitch is gay in my comic. Although I haven't shown him having a lover yet. You know, none of my fans misunderstood that.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I mean, not that it really matters, because the point is that you misunderstood it, you brought it up to me, and I explained it to you. I don't care that you misunderstood something, what I care about is that you apparently didn't even listen when I explained it to you. Because anybody can misunderstand something, but you brought it up to me, I explained it to you, and you made it sound like you did understand. But apparently you didn't.

'''Chris:''' Actually, I did understand, but I still had the anger and rage, I still had the anger against you. And I wanted to bear, I wanted to...

'''Alec:''' No! No. Why? Why would you have anger against me? If I explained...

'''Chris:''' One, uh, one big reason is continuing the adverts, continuing the blasphemous advertisements on my CWCipedia against me. Those are like...

'''Alec:''' [''shouting over Chris''] Oh, really? Hey, hey, hey, do you remember when I explained to you...

'''Chris:''' Especially, especially the ones declaring my birthday as Asperchu Day...

'''Alec:''' HEY! Chris. Chris! Do you remember when I explained to you last time that my ads are staying up there because you completely insulted me, and didn't respect what I wanted you to do in the apology video? But what you're saying me now is, you think that the ads are an attack on you. You're just completely forgetting what I told you before. Or maybe you're not forgetting it, maybe you're just choosing to disregard it. They were a direct consequence of your actions. You had the power to get rid of the ads and you did nothing. So how can you be mad at me for having the ads up? [''pause''] When I gave you several ways out, and you didn't take them?

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I, at least I, when, at least I went by your request and put, and hand-wrote all the apologies and everything, and killed Simonla.

'''Alec:''' Oh, oh no. [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|You said that me and Mao and Sean and Evan killed Simonla]]. That's what your comic says. Apparently you didn't fulfill that part of the requirement either. Because I wanted you to kill her, but you accused me of killing her. And then you killed us in your comic. What kind of apology is that? When... Okay, an apology is when you do something wrong, you acknowledge it, and you make reparations to whoever was wronged. An apology is not where, um, you attack the person that you owe an apology to.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Alec:''' It's like you said... It's like you handed me a bowl of ice cream, said, "Hey, here's some ice cream for you," but then just as I reached out for it, you threw it on the ground. That's kind of what it feels like. Chris, do you remember last time, I told you that you were the one who drew the Voltorb? You were the one who killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, well, requesting the death of one of my characters comes with a price.

'''Alec:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Chris:''' And, and I had... I said request of the, request of the killing of one of my characters...

'''Alec:''' NOT YOUR CHARACTER. Not, no, Simonla was not your character. She was Evan's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, with all the writing, with all the writing...

'''Alec:''' "Yeah, but anyway"?

'''Chris:''' With all the, uh...

'''Alec:''' You said, "Yeah, but anyway." Are you acknowledging that Simonla was not yours?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] I acknowledge that Simonla was not mine, but I did not...

'''Alec:''' You just, but, two minutes ago you said...

'''Chris:''' I did not care very much for all the anger and torments and that such abuse that I continued to get from Evan. Anger...

'''Alec:''' What, what abuse did you get from him?

'''Chris:''' Verbal, verbal abuse and...

'''Alec:''' Like how?

'''Chris:''' In the Mailbag.

'''Alec:''' He sent you e-mails requesting you to stop using the character that was his.

'''Chris:''' And then threatening me with, sic his lawyers on me...

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Because you were committing illegal acts against him.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, the point is, Simonla is dead now.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, no, the point is that, um, you apparently don't listen when I talk to you. That's my point. Right?

'''Chris:''' Hm. Actually...

'''Alec:''' Because you believe that you are in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. And you... Is that your TV going in the background? Do you ever turn your TV off when you talk to people on the phone? That might be kinda...

'''Chris:''' I do turn my... Well, actually, I do turn the TV off sometimes. [''takes a self-righteous tone''] Alright, I'll turn it off now.

'''Alec:''' Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Okay.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Alec:''' Alright. Thank you for that. Um, who is, uh, [[Sandy]], by the way? Sandy, like, Simonla's daughter?

'''Chris:''' Wild and Simonla's daughter. Yes.

'''Alec:''' How can Simonla have a daughter when she's not supposed to exist in your comic? You know, Evan might get pissed about Sandy existing.

'''Chris:''' Well, the, well, still, Sandy did not originate from Simonchu.

'''Alec:''' She kinda looks like, exactly like Simonla, but with, like, Lisa Simpson hair. She did originate from, she's like a clone of Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Well, she is not a clone of Simonla, she is a Ground-type rosechu.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. Isn't that what Simonla was? Do you even realize the point of getting rid of Simonla in the first place? It was because... Okay. Evan was mad about Simonla because Simonla was just a rip-off of Simonchu. And it looks like Sandy is a rip-off of Simonla, which, by corollary, makes her a rip-off of Simonchu as well.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I disagree with that.

'''Alec:''' You can disagree all you want. Doesn't make it true. You can tell me the sky is orange as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact that the sky is blue. I mean, judges will agree with that one.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, actually, still, Sandy does have an origin that's definitely not, definitely not one that Simonla was from. Explained lately, it's based off of somebody's, some other character.

'''Alec:''' She originates from Simonla.

'''Chris:''' She actually, she actually was born as a rosey...

'''Alec:''' From Simonla.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, long pause'']

'''Alec:''' You know, this probably doesn't matter a whole lot, I bet you're never going to use Sandy again. I mean...

'''Chris:''' Oh yes I will! Because, because we need a constructor, we need, we need the main constructor in the city of CWCville, and Simonla was that, so now Sandy has to be the one who fills in Simonla's shoes.

'''Alec:''' Can't you just have, like, a construction crew? Like, you know, construction workers with vehicles? How can one person really do all the construction?

'''Chris:''' Simonla, Simonla was head builder, she did have a crew. And when you take out the leader the whole crew falls.

'''Alec:''' Okay, don't you think that crew... You know, I'm sure she had, like, a second-in-command, alright. Don't you think that her crew might feel kind of insulted that, um, you have, like, a person who is a week old just take control? Inheriting the crew. So you, you've got a construction crew that runs, like...

'''Chris:''' No, she was, she's not, well, she's not, Sandy's not going to take the reins prematurely like that...

'''Alec:''' You just said that...

'''Chris:''' She's going through heavy training.

'''Alec:''' Why? So she's child labor?

'''Chris:''' No, not child labor.

'''Alec:''' Well, she's like a week old, and you already had her assassinate people. I mean, that's...

'''Chris:''' The point of that was that they were revenged against Evan for having, for even thinking of killing off Simonla.

'''Alec:''' But you killed Simonla.

'''Chris:''' Because I was forced, because I felt forced to by, between, by y'all.

'''Alec:''' That's correct, we did force you to, because your refused to acknowledge that... Chris, what is copyright infringement? Give me your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Copyright infringement...

'''Alec:''' Yes. I'd like to hear your definition.

'''Chris:''' [''another pause''] The misuse...of a character that originally belonged to somebody else.

'''Alec:''' Oh! Really.

'''Chris:''' Without their consent.

'''Alec:''' Okay, now, how does that connect to Simonla? You misused, you misused Simonla because she rightfully belonged to someone else.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, even still, even Sonichu was originally mine, and I have a copy-, I have the copyright registration forms to prove that.

'''Alec:''' So? What does that have to do with Simonla? You stole... Don't change the subject, Chris. You stole Simonchu and screwed around with him. Two wrongs make a right, is that, is that the case?

'''Chris:''' That is not the point I am trying to make.

'''Alec:''' Well, then, why do you...

'''Chris:''' That is fairly, that is fairly accurate though.

'''Alec:''' When we're talking about Simonla, why do you bring up Sonichu's copyright? What does that have to do with it?

'''Chris:''' Because you drew him, because you drew him in your pages without my consent, and then, and then made him look like, look like a homosexual. Or appear as such.

'''Alec:''' Why does what I... Why does anything that I do have anything at all to do with how you treat Evan and his property? Why do you want to punish one person for, for a wrong that you perceive another unrelated person doing?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' I am not Evan. Evan is not me. Chris, do you... Okay, this... Goddammit, Chris, this is just like, remember when you were complaining about how, you know, the trolls and ED attack you, and you used that as an excuse for why you treat me like shit? Why do you think it's okay to treat some random person like shit just because you've been treated badly, by other people that aren't related?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, now, to correct you, it is not, I did not do it on a random person, quote unquote, I actually had reasons to do it against you and your crew.

'''Alec:''' I asked you why you stole something from Evan, which happened a long time ago, as I understand it, actually, well before I created Asperchu, and your response is that, you know, it's because of something I draw.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm just saying, that was...

'''Alec:''' If I remember right...

'''Chris:''' ...why I did, why I didn't care for what you did very much, and that was what you did there.

'''Alec:''' Chris, when someone asks you a question, it's polite to respond with an answer that is relevant to the question. When I asked you why you think it's okay to steal Simonchu from Evan, please don't respond by going off on some unrelated tangent about how you don't like me.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Now, if I remember right, on that Simonchu article, before you doctored it to make it look different, it said that it was like in August 2008 that you, quote unquote, created Simonla. That's a long time, that's over a year before I created Asperchu. I created Asperchu not even three months ago.

'''Chris:''' Mm-kay. Hm.

'''Alec:''' Okay? Okay what?

'''Chris:''' Well, let me think about that a moment so I can properly answer the question about the, uh... The quote unquote character theft.

'''Alec:''' You know what, I don't really want to go over whether you think stealing Simonchu is right or wrong or not, because we've done that before, and you, you know, I was fooled, I thought that I had gotten some kind of response out of you, which turned out to be a complete lie. Because you, to this day, still believe that Simonla is yours and everyone else is evil. I just want to know why, why you think that you're perfect, and that everyone else who has a disagreement with you is automatically wrong.

'''Chris:''' Well, to correct you, I never thought that I was perfect! I am imperfect, for a few reasons...

'''Alec:''' You still think that you're better than everyone else.

'''Chris:''' And one of which is definitely the high-functioning autism.

'''Alec:''' Well, what, what the hell does autism have to do with you being a bad person?

'''Chris:''' No, I was just saying, that's one reason why I'm not perfect.

'''Alec:''' So if not for autism, you think you would be perfect? Do you really think autism is your only flaw? I don't think...

'''Chris:''' No, I have a lot of other flaws, I know that.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, I don't think autism... Of all of your flaws, I don't think autism...

'''Chris:''' But I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's, I'm just saying that is one of my flaws that makes me not perfect. I am not perfect, I never said that. I have never said that I was perfect.

'''Alec:''' You imply it by suggesting that Evan and I are evil people who, who made you kill Simonla, because she was yours! Gah, okay, now I'm really pissed off, Chris. I'm mad at you. Because, why... How many years have you been pissing and moaning at people about your copyrights, your precious Sonichu copyrights? But you don't give a shit about Evan's copyright, or my copyright, or anyone else. You just take whatever you want, and you act like you're in the right by doing so. Why do you do that?

'''Chris:''' Hm. [''mumbles''] Why do I do that... [''long pause''] Hm. Mm. Hm.

'''Alec:''' You have no response, do you?

'''Chris:''' I'm thinking! Can I think? Sometimes my mind's a little slow.

'''Alec:''' You've had, like, how many years of worrying about copyright?

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I would think you would be a master of copyright law by now, considering how important it is to you. I would think you would know copyright laws backward and forward.

'''Chris:''' I am not as knowledgeable as a copyright lawyer.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um... Let's change the subject a little bit. What's up with that, your [[Christian Love Day]] video?

'''Chris:''' Because, because it was my birthday, I was just making a stand against the trolls. And the internet bullies.

'''Alec:''' What stand?

'''Chris:''' That I'm not gonna be let-, that I'm not going to be thrust down by the likes of which... And I'm going to continue on.

'''Alec:''' You... You kinda just... I recognized that speech you used, you just took that from ''Independence Day''.

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Alec:''' You took that speech from...

'''Chris:''' I did not take...

'''Alec:''' Chris, that speech, that "We will not go down without a fight" speech, that was... That was lifted directly from, uh, ''Independence Day''. Remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine.

'''Alec:''' So you can't even write your own speech?

'''Chris:''' I can write my own speech! But he, I let my friend do it for me.

'''Alec:''' Well, why do you think that your birthday should be a holiday in the first place?

'''Chris:''' Well, it, well, once, when it is a, it is a holiday in Mexico. They should be equally important holidays in America.

'''Alec:''' It's, okay, it's Mexican Flag Day. In Mexico. Mexico has, I dunno, what, like 40 million citizens, something like that? So, are you really saying that Mexican Flag Day is no more important than your birthday? Should 40 million Americans, or more, be celebrating your birthday?

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying, I am not saying that.

'''Alec:''' You said that your birthday should be of equal importance to Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' I'm just saying...

'''Alec:''' Well, I was wrong, I just, I just looked it up, Mexico is actually like 110 million people. I was way off. Okay, so, your birthday is more important than 110 million Mexicans.

'''Chris:''' I never said that. And I never said that anybody should celebrate my birthday on that day.

'''Alec:''' Chris, um, your first response when I asked you, like 90 seconds ago, I asked you, "Why should your birthday be a holiday?" And you said, "Well, it's a holiday in Mexico, therefore it should be of equal importance in America." That is exactly what you said.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' And it's what you're thinking. You think that, you think that Mexican Flag day is just, not even good enough, right?

'''Chris:''' Well, it can be better.

'''Alec:''' It can be better?! It's a day for 110 million Mexicans to celebrate the freedom of their country!

'''Chris:''' And that, and that celebration could be, celeb-, could be accepted in America.

'''Alec:''' Well, why? Why would Americans celebrate Mexico's history? Americans have the fourth of July, that's when we celebrate our history. We have Flag Day too, like June 16 I think?

'''Chris:''' That's about, uh, I think that's about right.

'''Alec:''' Yeah. So we already have a Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' But still, I mean, we have these, we have the, the Messicans in America.

'''Alec:''' And I'm sure they can celebrate Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So, we should accept that and, and maybe celebrate as well in like a congratulatory way for them.

'''Alec:''' Well, then why wasn't your video, um, about Mexican Flag Day, instead of this made-up Christian Love Day?

'''Chris:''' My idea behind Christian Love Day is, like, the possibility of a second Valentine's Day.

'''Alec:''' It's like 10 days after the real Valentine's Day. Why would we need another Valentine's so soon?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] It's like we need more, it's like we need more reminders to love and care about each other.

'''Alec:''' Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, sponsored by corporations to sell shitty gift cards and disgusting fake sugar candies. It's not about love. It's just a stupid corporate holiday. If you want, if you want to really celebrate love, you can do it at any time. You don't need a holiday.

'''Chris:''' It's to help us, help remind us to do so constant-, on a more constant basis.

'''Alec:''' Okay, so why your birthday? Why your birthday, of all the days in the year, why would you choose your birthday for this particular holiday? Unless it was about celebrating yourself.

'''Chris:''' Because it feels right.

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "it feels right"?

'''Chris:''' It feels like a good dr-, a good day to celebrate something.

'''Alec:'''Yeah. Like Mexican Flag Day.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Chris, Chris, just admit that you just want... You really think that you're so important, that you're so saintly and perfect, that you think your birthday should be a holiday. Just admit that to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, I am not saintly or perfect.

'''Alec:''' But you think that you're such an important person that your birthday should be a holiday. Admit it. It's about [[Chris and his ego|your ego]].

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hm. I partially agree with you on that, but it's actually a lot more than just quote unquote ego.

'''Alec:''' What, what more could it be?

'''Chris:''' I am not sure right now because I cannot come up with the right, with the right ans-, with appropriate answer for that.

'''Alec:''' Well then, well then you shouldn't be trying to create a holiday... Chris, you shouldn't really be trying to do anything until after you've come up with a logical reason to do it.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I, okay well...

'''Alec:''' Countless times, countless times I've asked you why you do things, and you fall back on, "I'm not sure, it felt right." Or you use your emotions as an excuse, like when you brutally murdered me and Evan and Mao and Sean in your, in your sham mock trial. You know, [''mocking voice''] "because you were still angry about the ads!" Let's go back to that...

'''Chris:''' And another thing...

'''Alec:''' What, what other thing?

'''Chris:''' What, how you portray me and my, and my electric hedgehogs, even in a parodic way, as a, as a, as definitely mentally retarded for one characteristic.

'''Alec:''' [''talking over Chris''] Chris, how many times have you...

'''Chris:''' And then brutally killing, killing us off like you did...

'''Alec:''' You brutally killed me.

'''Chris:''' And then, and selling, and sexually expliciting us like that.

'''Alec:''' Sexually ex-

'''Chris:''' Where you said all that first.

'''Alec:''' Oh, so that makes it okay for you to do anything? Chris, how many times... Okay, okay, you accuse me of making a parody, and I can't even begin to count the number of times I told you Asperchu's not a parody, but you accuse me of making a parody like it's such an evil thing, um, how many times have you fallen back on describing Sonichu as a parody of Sonic and Pikachu, when people ask you? And when you do it, it's a good thing, you use it as a defense against attacks by Nintendo and Sega and other companies. Why is it, when you think someone else is parodying you, um, shit hits the fan? Why is that, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, you have por-, you definitely have portrayed a sense of retardedness and stupidity and even worse in that sense. And then used, that came from me and my pages, and the videos, and put them in your book. Like, you definitely drew a dildo and a sports bra as among one of the things, as among two things that Asperchu was digging out of his chest in the first book.

'''Alec:''' Have you ever seen ''Team America''? You remember that movie?

'''Chris:''' Yep. Yeah, I've seen that movie.

'''Alec:''' Did you like it?

'''Chris:''' It was okay.

'''Alec:''' You remember how they made Matt Damon retarded in that movie?

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' Well, they did.

'''Chris:''' Some of, some of those jokes do not hit me right away because they're not that, they're not that obvious to me. Or I don't know what's about the context of it. Like for example, the recent new ''Family Guy'' where Chris dates the Down's Syndrome girl, and then apparently the joke where she says "I'm the daughter of a former Alaskan...something."

'''Alec:''' Governor. It was Sarah Palin, Chris. It was about her.

'''Chris:''' Former Alaskan Senator, that was it.

'''Alec: ''' No, it was the governor.

'''Chris:''' But yeah, it was supposed to be, it was, I learned in an article in today's ''Washington Post'' that, uh, that apparently it was meant as an attack on Sarah Parin, and I did not know that when I first heard that.

'''Alec:''' Sarah P-A-L-I-N, actually.

'''Chris:''' But I was, at least I was, that was a general statement.

'''Alec:''' Okay, um, we're getting off on a wild tangent here. My question is, why is parody such a bad thing to you? When other people do it.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I do not understand half the question. Why is parody blind to me...?

'''Alec:''' Why do you think parody is bad when other people do it?

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Alec:''' I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

'''Chris:''' That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

'''Alec:''' So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

'''Alec:''' It makes you feel better?! Chris, you're an adult, you really want people to kiss your ass all the time?

'''Chris:''' Well, yeah, not all the time.

'''Alec:''' Why can't you learn to deal with...

'''Chris:''' I don't want, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like constant abuse.

'''Alec:''' What constant abuse?

'''Chris:''' And torment and slanders and cursings.

'''Alec:''' Oh, what torment and slander and cursing? Hey, Chris, okay, okay, you don't like slander? What about all the lies you've told about me? What about, okay, remember a while ago you made a video trying to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|hypnotize people into hating Asperchu]]? Like you spoke in backwards Spanish or something? Remember when you cursed me with the death threats?

'''Chris:''' And I apologized for that.

'''Alec:''' No, no, no, no, not, no, you're not getting away with that bullshit excuse this time, Chris. Okay? You can't just do things, do horrible things, and then offer a fake apology afterwards. That's not okay. That's not what apology is. You know, you claim to be a Christian, this is really, do you really think this is what God wants his children to do?

'''Chris:''' Hm. You're right, it is not something that, uh, God would like.

'''Alec:''' Yeah, well, you're not a Christian.

'''Chris:''' [''shifts to a grim, offended tone''] I am a Christian. I am a baptized practicing Methodist...

'''Alec:''' No, no you're not. You don't practice... Baptism doesn't mean shit. You don't even try to practice what Christianity teaches.

'''Chris:''' Well, for one thing, I don't have a total understanding of all the rules, and, uh...

'''Alec:''' Well, you can't be a very good Christian if you don't understand the rules.

'''Chris:''' Of course, there's a whole lots of, to memorize, and, and it's...

'''Alec:''' [''mockingly''] Yeah, religion is hard, isn't it?

'''Chris:''' ...and, what is, God does want, one of the things God wants us to do is not to worry about every single detail.

'''Alec:''' But you worry about every single... Oh, no, no, okay, no, that's not how it works. God wants you to follow the rules that he lays down. God wants you to try to be a good person. You don't even try to be a good person. You are completely selfish, and you do whatever you want, and you demand that other people go out of your way for you, to do things as you want them to. And then when someone starts pestering you, you offer a superficial apology and hope that smooths it all over. And then you draw a comic, you know, negating even that simple apology, where you threaten people and murder them in your comic. Thereby proving that you were just lying to the person who, you know, thought that you actually understood the point he was trying to get across. God condemns lying, you know.

'''Chris:''' [''angry sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Admit that you lied to me when you said, when you agreed with me that you didn't have a right to use Simonla. Admit that you have always believed that Simonla is yours.

 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I'll admit...that.

'''Alec:''' Oh, okay. Okay, good, so all of our previous calls were just lies, then.

'''Chris:''' Not, no, not, no, they actually happened.

'''Alec:''' Yes, they happened, Chris, but your responses were lies. I know the phone calls happened in reality.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Anyway, uh, let me get back, anyway, uh, I don't mean to be all, but I want to get back to an early, to the earlier topic about, uh, what's wrong with you making a parody of a parody. Okay, well, okay, well, take a cue from what they did in one episode of ''Robot Chicken''.

'''Alec:''' I don't watch ''Robot Chicken'', so this reference means nothing to me.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Well, anyway, anyway, anyway, one...

'''Alec:''' Try explaining it to me without the use of TV references.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Consider a remake of a remake of an original movie! That was original as a blockbuster.

'''Alec:''' Okay... What about it? What about a remake of a remake?

'''Chris:''' It's not very good.

'''Alec:''' Sometimes they are. Sometimes remakes are better. Did you see the new ''Dawn of the Dead''? That was way better than the George Romero shit.

'''Chris:''' I have not, I have not seen either, I have not seen either ''Dawn of the Dead''.

'''Alec:''' You probably shouldn't, 'cause there's gore in it, and I know how much you hate that.

'''Chris:''' I don't mind, I don't mind gore, up to a certain point.

'''Alec:''' Well, obviously, given how gory your murder of me was. But, okay, I'm still having a little trouble understanding why, um, parody is okay when you do it, but not okay when someone else does it.

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Hm.

'''Alec:''' Because you proudly proclaim Sonichu to be a parody, but at the same time you accuse other people of doing parodies like they're doing a bad thing.

'''Chris:''' [''more stalling''] Hm. Okay, well, think about this. How about if somebody did a parody to Asperchu?

'''Alec:''' Yeah?

'''Chris:''' And made him look even more stupid and more retarded, and actually brutally killed him in all the blood and gory detail! Or had him sexually raped in a prison cell of all dudes! How would you feel if you saw that?

'''Alec:''' Uh, I don't think I'd give a shit, honestly. I mean, if it was well-done, I might kinda laugh at it. If it was meant to be a funny parody. See, I don't take myself completely, I don't take myself completely seriously like you do. I can laugh at my own foibles and I can laugh at the foibles of my comic. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That is...a theory, yes. Though I am not one hundred per-, I'll, that is, a, a previous...

'''Alec:''' So you don't really agree with it, though? You don't think imitation is ever a good thing?

'''Chris:''' Not one hundred percent.

'''Alec:''' Because Sonichu's an imitation of Sonic. Then you must agree that Sonichu is a good thing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, because it was, because it was originally meant in a positive light. But then I get all the inputs from the trolls and all that on the internets, and then that just plain ticks me off.

'''Alec:''' Okay, if the guy who created Sonic, I don't know what his name is, but if he came along and discovered your Sonichu comic, he would probably-

'''Chris:''' [''burps'']

'''Alec:''' -See that at least half of it is just you attacking trolls... I mean, the comic's not even really about Sonichu. It's about you, and it's about your war against trolls.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's to be undone because, because I, because I have just, after I finish with book number 10 I will be making less appearances in the book...

'''Chris:'''-in the books, and then, and now it will be more about Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Are you gonna do that reboot that we talked about?

'''Chris:''' There will be a form of a reboot, yes.

'''Alec:''' Why did you do these pages, then, if you're gonna do a reboot?

'''Chris:''' I mean, I mean, if I'm gonna be making less appearances in the comics, I figure I may as well let myself go out with a bang.

'''Alec:''' Um, no, no, Chris, Chris, I explained to you, a reboot is a complete restart. What happens in the reboot will have nothing to do with the comics that you've made thus far. And you know, you said you had like 30 pages, you only uploaded like...16.

'''Chris:''' That was the amount I had to complete number, book number 10. And the book is completed.

'''Alec:''' You said you had like 30 pages.

'''Chris:''' Well, right now I just wanted to get book number 10 out of the way.

'''Alec:''' But you said you were going to have like 30 pages up on your birthday.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So you went back on your word again.

'''Chris:''' [''angry''] Well, I overestimated myself!

'''Alec:''' What do you mean, "overestimated"? You said you had like 30 drawn and ready to be Photoshopped.

'''Chris:''' Well, just accept the fact that I had, I finished book number 10, and I had them all ready for Photoshop, and I uploaded them.

'''Alec:''' You know, if you have a deadline with a publisher and they're expecting 30 pages by a certain date, and you come to them and say, "Oh, yeah, here's 16 pages," they're not gonna be happy with you.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Alec:''' And you didn't even upload them on your birthday, you uploaded them today. The day after. People who miss deadlines don't get paid.

'''Chris:''' Well, I had computer troubles.

'''Alec:''' Of course you had...

'''Chris:''' And I had to go out, and I had to go with my family to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday.

'''Alec:''' Sonichu is your job, Chris!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] That's another thing, you put them in the perspective of like, he's my job, it just makes me feel...

'''Alec:''' Well, you intend to make your huge money-making franchise, right? So yes, he is your job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Alec:''' Yeah! And you don't take your job seriously!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, but you see, with that belief, with that definition, in the mentality of an artist, when the thing was originally supposed to be a work of art and creativity, then it just cheapens it.

'''Alec:''' Um, well, then, I could say it cheapened it when you started saying you intended to publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' So what you're telling me now is, you have no intention of ever making money off Sonichu. Because if it is just a work of art for its own sake, that's fine. But you keep promising, you know, deadlines that you miss, and you keep saying you're gonna publish it and make money off of it.

'''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']

'''Alec:''' Do you not want to make money off Sonichu anymore?

'''Chris:''' No, I would like to make money off of Sonichu.

'''Alec:''' Well, okay. You're cheapening it, then, it's not a work of art anymore.

'''Chris:''' Because I had too many influx from bad people like the trolls!

'''Alec:''' What the hell do trolls have to do with it, Chris?

'''Chris:''' And also from, and also from...

 '''Alec:'''I have you as a troll, and my comic kept going just fine.

 '''Chris:''' And also from...

'''Alec:''' And how do trolls control what goes in the comic? Go ahead.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] It's when they really tick me off, and then it just, it just, it's like putting, [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|it's like putting poison into the water supply]].

'''Alec:''' Why do you keep responding to trolls, then?

'''Chris:''' [''mega-sigh'']

'''Alec:''' And another thing, you have a really broad definition of "trolls," it seems. Because you think that people that ask you questions you don't like in your Mailbag are trolls. You think homosexual people are trolls just for existing, because you want to cure gays.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Alec:''' I think the ironic thing there is, gays would probably consider you a troll. Because you want to destroy their identity when they haven't done anything to you.

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh'']

'''Alec:''' You think I'm a troll, and I've been trying to help you.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry, sometimes things are, I have been trying to collaborate, I get misunderstood often, and it just really makes me feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm being misunder-

'''Alec:''' Miss?

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Chris and Alec Call 8]]|nextlink=Current|}}

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTkyWTduZ0JXOXc The original audio]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ae7T05cIJQ YouTube Version: Part 1]</s> Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]