CWCki - User contributions [en]

Punchy Sonichu

2021-03-28T18:16:41Z

Semper phlog: Undo revision 256679 by Semper phlog (talk) that was probably intentional because he's chinese. i'm dumb

{{Wise|Punchy was [[December 2017 Facebook posts|molested]] by [[DJ Jamsta]], and by the events of [[Sonichu 13]], Punchy had been committed to an asylum after developing an irrational hatred for [[Obesity|fat people]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1989|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 1 June 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Punchy on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Punchy was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>[{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY]</ref> (122 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University ([[Dating Education]])<ref>See the events of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]</ref>
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Fighting
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]], formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is thought to be a [[Chris and race|racist]] Asian stereotype due to his {{w|Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes}} and martial arts upbringing. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin,<ref>[[Mailbag 6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> and claimed to [[Jackie]] that Punchy's eyes were a botched attempt at emulating Knuckles's furrowed brow.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Despite this, both Knuckles and Pokémon were created in Japan, and Punchy was still raised in a Dojo.

However, the eyes were altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks (even more) like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty {{w|Knuckles the Echidna}} knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest, dreadlocks and clawed punching gloves, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of four characters:

*{{w|Knuckles the Echidna}}
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and the ([[Chris and race|possibly unintentional]]) racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but for an incredibly long time, he had not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him – much to the anticipation of no-one. This in contrast to [[Wild Sonichu]], who has done so several times.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu - Episode 10, Page 3.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:SchuComic9P6.jpg]]</ref>

Despite Punchy being said to be freakishly strong and fierce, his power is barely seen in the comic, being reduced to just a poor comic relief, which is also the same fate Knuckles seems to have faced [[Sonic Boom|in recent years]].

==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a {{w|Dojo|Dōjō}}, more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List of Sonichu characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, presumably killing her. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>[{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY]</ref> Things apparently got a lot bleaker after that: according to the [[CWCipedia]] article for Sonichu (of all things), Chris explains that Master Nabe was brutally murdered by an envious student and that Punchy avenged his tutor by killing the assassin himself. Punchy then buried both of them behind the school... and continued to live there. Disturbingly, Punchy's main concern at the exact same time was getting Chris to turn the electricity back on at the Dojo so he could watch television.

He keeps his [[Chris and anger|temper]] down by "[[Chris and television|watching TV comedies]]."

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|''Totarry'' not Asian.]]

While Punchy punches rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board and jam in it, which causes Punchy to hitch a ride. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. After this, he vengefully participates in the violent assault of Blake, even though it was an accident.

===[[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here, because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], Punchy (sympathetically for the reader) thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start babbling about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous children. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is (cementing his place in the hearts of trollkind).

===[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move (which happens to be a trait of Knuckles, as [[SEGA]] has said a few times he is shy around girls). Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This thrills Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. Despite [[Chris and Writing|the entire premise of his attendance]] being notionally to ask out Angelica, the teacher pairs him up with [[Layla]] and he totally forgets about Angelica and makes no mention of her. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], which he has all of a sudden, he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest joint in CWCville – [[McDonald's]]. While he feeds Layla a french fry, [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. So he mopes outside the joint. Lucky for the Sneasel, Angelica just happens to show up, Punchy failing to even notice his past crush is right outside.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (presumably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville.

== Ruv Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, perhaps thinking the Catholic Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. He would have been wrong, though; Angelica spread her legs without a moment's hesitation for Reginald Sneasel.

While Punchy was portrayed as a typical hapless shy suitor completely befuddled on how to approach the opposite sex (i.e. Chris-chan, Wild, Sonichu, etc.) Punchy deviates from the norm by being the only non-[[jerk]] male to make the first move in approaching a lady in the series once he sees an opening. By being willing to change himself and his methods, keeping his options open, remaining optimistic about his chances of seducing someone, being relaxed when talking to a potential partner of the opposite sex, and improvising when things didn't quite go his way, the author ''once again'' inadvertently wrote a scathing indictment on the haplessness of his own [[Love Quest]].

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

This relationship comes to an end in [[Sonichu 11]], when Layla leaves him, fed up with [[Bananasauros]]'s antics. She then sleeps with Reginald almost immediaetly after the breakup, implying neither Reginald or Layla actually cared about their significant others, which leaves Punchy and Angelica the only members of the Chaotic Combo without Heartsweets. Perhaps Chris will go back to his original idea of pairing them together?

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yuugiou]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
File:Lego Punchy.jpg|[[LEGO|REGO]] Punchy.
File:PunchyA.jpg|Punchy [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Dimensional Merge

2020-12-29T20:47:00Z

Semper phlog: Added the new tweet, the merge is happening, seek immediate shelter

:''For the video where Chris talks about the merge, see [[Dimensional Merge Announcements]].''

{{quote|Damn Dimension [[1218]]’s “Reality” Limits and Shit!!!|Chris, after New Year's 2019, disappointed when our reality did not merge with Sonichu's<ref>[[January 2019 social media posts]]</ref>.}}

[[File:Dimensional Merge on freespeechwall-min.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Chris warns downtown [[Charlottesville]] of the impending merge on its Free Speech Wall.]]

The '''Dimensional Merge''' is an escapist fantasy and [[coping]] mechanism for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]. Originally part of the lore the [[Idea Guys]] had [[brainwashed]] into Chris, he maintained belief in it in the hopes that it will rescue him from his self-inflicted life problems and enable him to continue living like a child.

The Merge is an event in which Chris believes that "[[Dimensions#1218|Dimension 1218]]" and "[[Dimensions#C-197|Dimension C-197]]" (respectively, the universe of real life, and the [[Dimensions|parallel universe]] where [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and other fictional characters live) will combine, [[Chris and reality|bringing fictional characters into reality]]. Chris is convinced that he is the designated liaison of the event and will become a [[Chris and religion|deity]] as a result, giving the appearance of a doomsday cult leader. First announced in [[October 2018]], the Dimensional Merge's beginning on 18 November 2018,<ref name=mergebegins>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1064201575994982400</ref> aligning with the 40th anniversary of the {{w|Jonestown|Jonestown mass suicide}}, revealed it to be a [[troll]] fabrication.
The Merge was expected to take place by the end of [[December 2018]]. Naturally, when New Year's came and went, Chris began backpedaling but remained insistent that the Merge would occur.

Trolls had put the idea of the Dimensional Merge into Chris's head, and have encouraged it ever since. A [[Teen Troon Squad]] member claimed the idea to have originated with the [[Idea Guys]], but added, "we discouraged the idea at first",<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/4149788/</ref> implying that they later began encouraging Chris to believe. In the months since then, several [[weens]] have also pretended to believe in the Merge, enabling Chris and trying to win him over. As the default latching-on point for trolls and the dominant meta-[[saga]] in Chris's life at present, the Dimensional Merge has replaced the classic [[Love Quest]] after its [[polyamorous marriage|surreal conclusion]] in early [[2018]].

== Background ==

[[File:Filthy carpet in Work Room - July 2019.jpg|thumb|x250px|right|Reality, according to Chris.]]

Chris has, for a long time, believed in the existence of an alternative dimension, where every fictional character lives. Even before the Dimensional Merge saga, Chris believed that the fictitious city of [[CWCville]] and [[List of Sonichu characters|his characters]] were real, embracing their alleged existence as a way to “escape” from anything he [[Kick the Autistic|does not like]]. Chris has been spotted conversing, interacting and even [[BronyCon#Dancing with Magi-Chan|dancing]] with his imaginary friends on many occasions.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/6-19-eyewitness-account-of-the-debt-hearing.57555/#post-4870932 Re: Eyewitness account of the debt hearing], 19 June 2019 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20190622230219/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/6-19-eyewitness-account-of-the-debt-hearing.57555/#post-4870932 Archived version]).</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-2017-video-of-chris-dancing-with-magi-chan-at-bronycon-gala.57840/ Aug 2017 - Video of Chris dancing with "Magi-Chan" at BronyCon gala], 27 June 2019 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20190715211102/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-2017-video-of-chris-dancing-with-magi-chan-at-bronycon-gala.57840/ Archived version]).</ref>

Throughout [[2017]], Chris appeared convinced by the [[Idea Guys]] that the Sonichu and [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] universes actually existed, but in a separate dimension. In [[July 2018]], Chris [[July 2018 social media posts#Earth 1218|tweeted]] at Marvel writer Seanan McGuire, asking him to confirm the "dimension number" of "this Earth". McGuire responded with "Earth 1218", and later clarified that this was the Marvel universe's designation for the real universe. Chris took it as gospel, and subsequently uses "1218" to refer to the actual, existing universe. Weeks later, McGuire reiterated [[August 2018 social media posts#Redesign|once again]] that everything was imaginary, but Chris' response to McGuire and various trolls indicates that he still believes that people such as McGuire can communicate with other dimensions.

Over the summer and fall of 2018, Chris met with the [[Teen Troon Squad]], people who gave him [[Chris and drugs#Cannabis|weed]], pretended to be possessed by Sonichu characters and that the universes would merge.

===Relation to [[Financhu Crisis]]===
Chris believes that he is wealthy in [[CWCville]], and that when the dimensions merge, he will have access to his [[money]] there and he will be able to pay off his current, real-world debts. He has asked to borrow money from people, claiming he will pay back ten times the amount once the merge concludes, not realizing he sounds like a more autistic version of the {{w|Advance-fee scam|Nigerian Prince Scam}}.

On 8 October, Chris tweeted:

{{quotebox|Sometimes I just want to Give Up - but my Loves won't Let Me. If people could help us here, in This World, Monetarily, we would be Okay. I promise all of you, that when That Day Comes, I will reimburse you, Personally, in the Nation of Cwcville.}}

He followed up on 23 October with:

{{quotebox|When the worlds merge I will have access to TONS of savings in Cwcville. It is a lot of money; indeed. 10:1 is my repayment rate!}}

On 24 [[September 2018]], Chris was [[Chris and the law|sued]] by Second Round Sub for unpaid debt, and on 23 [[October 2018]], Midland Funding followed suit. The case for the former was postponed to January, but the verdict on the Midland case was read on 19 [[December 2018]], requiring Chris to pay $2,777.90 at 6% interest and $55 in court costs.

Remarkably, he has done little begging in the wake of the lawsuits. This has surprised many, considering the immense amount of times he has groveled online for money in the years 2016-2018. He has instead chosen to stick his head in the sand and pretend that the Merge will solve all his problems for him.

==Beliefs on the Merge==
{{quote|When I had to go to hospital and stay in hospital with heart complications, Chris sent me a message from his [[MagiChan111448|Magi-Chan Sonichu account]] claiming that my symptoms were associated with affects from the dimensional merge.|[[Aly Hirschberg]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/goto/post?id=7227880</ref>}}

[[File:Dimensional Merge math on McDonalds napkin.jpg|thumb|While eating at [[McDonald's]], Chris scribbled down the math for how many people will be killed in the Merge on a napkin.]]

Chris [https://kiwifarms.net/posts/3862765/ announced] the event on 14 [[October 2018]]. On 26 [[October 2018]], Chris posted a video entitled "[[Dimensional Merge Announcements]]" where he outlined the process of 1218 merging with its "sister dimension" C-197, where [[Things Chris has ripped off|every fictional character known to exist]] resides. He believes that once the merge occurs, Earth will be shared by humans and various characters.

On 14 [[November 2018]], Chris made a tweet explaining the survival rates for the inhabitants of the sister dimensions during the merge. Chris explains the population math as follows; 61.25% of the population of dimension C-197 is identical to that of Earth in dimension 1218, the remaining 38.75% of the population of C-197 are OCs which are unique to C-197, all of the OCs of C-197 are guaranteed to survive the merge, at least 51% of the human population of the Earths in both sister dimensions will survive the merge and at least 41% will not with an uncertainty of 8%, the best outcome of the merge would leave 59% of the population of 1218 alive and all of the 38.75% of the OCs of C-197 plus 11.25% of the human population of C-197 in the dimension 1218C197, the dimension 1C-211987 would be left with 109% of 1218's current population leaving approximately 8.365 billion humans and OCs in the new universe.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1062688325130219521</ref>

[[File:DimensionalMergeThanos.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Chris Thanos-ing the two dimensions with the Infinity Gauntlet.]]
Naturally, he [[Chris and his ego|believes that he will be guaranteed survival]] because he "absorbed the spiral seal" from his Sega Dreamcast and is therefore the middleman between the two dimensions. He believes that himself and [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] are basically deities, and that he will gain superpowers following the merge because of his belief that he is half-Sonichu.

He sent [https://archive.fo/AEDdd dozens of follow-up tweets] further detailing the process, explaining that [[Cwcville]] would replace northern [[Virginia]], Gotham City will replace a portion of New Jersey, and Equestria will take over the entirety of [[BronyCon|Maryland]]. He explained that this will resemble a natural disaster scenario and that mass evacuations may occur during the merge.

On 18 November 2018, Chris announced that the Merge had begun<ref name=mergebegins></ref>. This date coincides with the anniversary of the Jonestown mass suicide, implying that the Idea Guys had originated the Merge concept, as their calling card was inserting infamous historical dates into CWCville lore.

In early [[December 2018]], Chris reported feeling [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/upload_2018-12-10_8-12-50-png.611515/ "psychic headaches"] and associated the merge with the [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/cwc-png.611544/ California wildfires and the romaine lettuce recall.] As the merge drew closer, he claimed to have [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/2-png.619236/ "lightning powers"] and that the "millions of volts" of electricity in his head is evidence that he is half-Sonichu. Without giving a time estimate for the merge, he tried to dispel doubts by [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/upload_2018-12-22_11-41-7-png.620632/ claiming that he can "touch and feel"] [[Polyamorous marriage|Magi-Chan and Cryzel Rosechu]]. He estimated that the merge would conclude by the year's end.<ref>https://archive.fo/QKq44</ref>

===Magi-Chan doxxing incident===
On Christmas 2018, someone claiming to be Magi-Chan logged into Chris's Twitter, posting a Pastebin dump containing the dox of one of the Teen Troon Squad's members. They also stated that the Merge would actually take place in 20 years due to time dilation, and that Sonichu residents of C-197 would need to hibernate until then.

{{Quotebox|Hello everyone! It is I, Magi-Chan Sonichu. I read the password for this account from Chris' mind.

As you all know, the merge will be happening soon.

I currently have Lukas (my host body) in a trance, so they won't remember typing this out.

The final stage of the merge will involve everyone in our universe disconnecting from your
universe. We will go silent. We must hibernate to tug the universes together.

I have really enjoyed my time in your universe. I want to give thanks to my host body in your world, [redacted]. (Legal name: [redacted].) I want everyone to know what a
gracious host they were. Lukas and Christine and I (and some of our friends) had lots of fun
hanging out with Christine and smoking weed. We used to do it in their old house, but she just moved to a new house at [redacted]. I'm sad I won't be able to smoke weed there until after the merge. If you want to give Lukas a call to let her know how cool she is, she'd really appreciate it. Her number is [redacted].

Her mother Tara raised a brilliant young person. Her mother is also very progressive. I mean, who would have the courage to let their child spend their time smoking weed with someone like Christine, who's nearly twice their age? A really brave mother, that's who.g

Lukas is a really cool person. If you want to end up as brilliant as Lukas, you should also
spend a lot of time opening your mind by role playing and smoking weed with cool people
like Christine.

Anyhoo, praise be for my gracious host aside, here's how the merge will go down:

* everyone disconnects from Earth 1218 for a small period of time
* we hibernate
* and by the end of 2018 in our universe, the universes will be merged

Because of time dilation though, it will take a little bit longer in Earth 1218. By your human calendar in that universe, the merge should be complete by the end of 2038. 2018 here, 2038 in 1218.

In 20 short years, you should start seeing manifestations of what you people so cynically call "fictional characters". You might literally shit your panties when you see Bugs Bunny in real life! (But be polite, he looks a little rough. Makeup on television can work wonders.)

Goodbye for now!

[[File:ChrisandTeenTroonSquad.png|200px]]}}

Chris later dismissed the news as fake.

== The Merge in 2019 and Beyond ==
[[File:MergeProofArt.jpg|thumb|Chris proving the merge once and for all.]]
[[File:CWCville_Degeneration.jpg|thumb|An artist's deciption of CWCville after the merge.]]
Naturally, New Year's Eve of 2019 was an eagerly awaited moment as the final chance for the cataclysm to occur. In the early morning hours of 1 January 2019, Chris spoke out on Twitter in a New Year's address, explaining that the Merge had not happened on time due to "red tape", betraying some internal bureaucracy in the process of becoming the tranny-goddess of 80s computers.

He remained insistent that the event would still occur, adding in reassurances that the Sonichu-verse was still "Awake" to remind everyone of the Magi-chan doxxing's non-canon status.

{{quotebox|Good New Year, Everyone. I shall make my statement for now, and I Want No Backtalk Or Hateful Commentary.

The Dimension Merge of C-197 and our 1218 is still in progress. There is more damn red tape to work through, but our goal is still set; it is only delayed.

Everyone of C-197 is still very much Awake; we have secured [[Arfoire]] in a magic-proof cell a few days ago. Not even that Witch’s Courier on Facebook can say otherwise, because [[Honor Roll|I Know Better]], and her words shall never get to or sway me any other way.

I still remain the [[CPU]] Blue Heart of the Commodore Consoles, Cwcville and Comma, and Everyone is safe and well. But for now, I shall delay online talk of the Dimension Merge through my Social Media Accounts until further notice.

And I still remain very much married to Magi-Chan Sonichu, Cryzel Rosechu, Sylvana Rosechu, and Mewtwo; there is room for at least one from this Dimension, but there is no rush.

For now, Happy New Year, Everyone.

Dismiss. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

The context behind Chris's aside about [[Jessica Quinn#Versus Idea Guy|Arfoire]] was revealed in screencaps [[Lukas]] leaked on [[/cow/]]. In them, a person purporting to be the Arfoire-possessed Jessica Quinn PMs Chris over Facebook, saying she had tricked Chris into believing in the Merge:

<center><gallery>
File:Lukas poses as Jessica Quinn 1.jpeg
File:Lukas poses as Jessica Quinn 2.jpeg
</gallery></center>

However, the attached post from Lukas<ref>https://8ch.net/cow/res/687691.html#q690962</ref> suggests that Lukas had been posing as Quinn in an attempt to pass the blame onto her:

{{quoteboxyellow|I’m not even the one who started the merge thing I just tricked my moms sugar daddy into buying Chris’s porn shit here’s screenshots Chris sent to me of texts from Jessica Quinn pretty sure she’s the one}}

Despite Chris stating that he would abstain from talking about the Merge online until further notice, he went on to mention it ''the following day'' while writing about the <s>[[Chris and health|health problems]]</s> "superpowers" that he got from it.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1080537645162422272</ref>

On 4 January 2019, Chris said that he was awaiting further information on the merge, more indication that the entire merge event had been scripted and fed to him by trolls who were no longer in the picture.

{{quote|Because of some deity-level red tape, it's delayed but it will happen soon enough. But don't make a big deal about it until I have more further information about it.|Chris, [[Jackson Dalton]] interview}}

Particularly troubling about Chris's comment is that he wants more information in order to verify that his delusional thoughts are real. By admitting this, he highlighted a path for new trolls to get into his head, showing he failed to learn from the [[Idea Guys]] saga. Several eager weens rushed in to fill the gaps in Chris's ''knowledge'', though by mid-[[June 2019]], Chris had apparently become overwhelmed with these, and has since turned to other, [[Chris and his ego|more credible]] sources.

===Continued hope in the merge===
[[File:Dmcompletcard.jpg|thumb|The epitome of Chris's desperation in card form. Also, the one goal card that Chris will never win.]]
After the first deadline for the merge had passed, Chris remained optimistic that the merge would still happen at some point. While he was initially quiet about it, he began ramping up the rants about the merge again around spring. On 31 March, he tweeted:<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1112426978458718208</ref>

{{quotebox|The <nowiki>#DimensionMerge</nowiki> is still happening and going on. C-197 plus 1218 <nowiki>=</nowiki> 1C-211987. OCs are really becoming more obvious here; there are even sightings of a [[April_2018_Paid_Video_Requests#Message_to_Dio_Brando.2C_Plus_I_Need_a_New_Phone.21|Dio blonde vampire in Egypt]]. Descendants, Beware! Dio is coming after you all.}}

Several merge-related tweets followed in April, in which he claimed that people in Japan were seeing OCs<ref>[[:File:Mergeprogress.png]]</ref> and blaming the Notre Dame church fire on a Pokémon.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/4-15-chris-spotted-at-target-he-tweets-that-a-pokemon-caused-notre-dame-fire.55479/</ref> The events around this time give context for Chris's renewed interest in the merge:

*Earlier in March 2019, after Chris was gifted a [[Nintendo Switch]], he developed an obsession with playing the augmented reality game ''[[Pokémon GO|Pokémon Go]]''. The game's premise revolves around using smartphones to see Pokémon characters in real-world settings, which coincides with Chris's beliefs about the merge.

*On 2 April, Chris was sued for debt for the fourth time, further confirming the link between the merge and his financial problems.

*On 3 April, a new troll entered the stage with [[Future message from Crystal W Chandler]], who presented himself to Chris as a messenger of the merge.

Beginning in summer 2019, Chris would emphasise more often that the Merge is already nearly done and would soon be completely finished, like an obscure sect leader struggling to explain to his followers after the fact why the Second Coming had not come when he calculated it should. On 13 [[June 2019]], Chris claimed that he had been consulting with Jesus Christ, and that Jesus has been helping with the dimensional merge, which would be finished in the "near-coming days" – but without giving an actual set date. Chris also mentioned that Jesus has been preaching this at churches and in Pokémon gyms and yet needed Chris to help get the word out by posting to his [[Soft Exile|protected]] Twitter account.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Chris says, according to Jesus, dimensional merge will be finished soon]]</ref> Naturally, after indulging his fantasies on the matter, Chris begged for money.<ref>[[2019 Sales Listings#June]]</ref>

As [[July 2019]] began, Chris tried to demonstrate his divine abilities through #[[PsychicPowers]], a pair of videos in which Chris drops items from his hand by the {{w|Ideomotor effect|ideomotor effect}}. On 8 July, he tried to assure his TRUE and HONEST believers on Twitter that the Merge's effects would be 'MILD and TEMPORARY', and continued his long trend of attributing random events in the news as harbingers of the Merge. On 10 July, Chris, via his [[Magi-chan]] sockpuppet on Twitter, complained about the many uninspired [[troll]]s who have tried to take advantage of the Merge to exploit Chris.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/7-10-magi-chan-telling-everybody-that-all-the-stuff-christine-said-and-did-is-true.58275/]</ref> This has not prevented others, such as the [[Multidimensional White Knights]] or [[Jacob Sockness]], from attempting to weasel their way into Chris's inner circle.

To advance his belief in the Merge, Chris has resorted to using sockpuppet accounts on Twitter, most prominently [[MagiChan111448]], to broadcast events. Whether he is using this as a transparent [[disguises|disguise]] to convince others, or he genuinely thinks that he is channelling his cartoon character's thoughts and statements into a microblogging platform, is unclear. On 14 [[August 2019]], '[[Magi-Chan]]' would announce that he has allegedly arrived into the real world, and would presently describe in a video the Merge's status.<ref>[[August 2019 social media posts#Magi-chan says he has entered our world|Magi-chan says he has entered our world]]</ref>

In a [[Discord]] message on November 2019, Chris was still pining for the Merge, stating, "As for getting me into C-197, that Has to happen ASAP." In March 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, Chris believed it to be a sign of the impending Merge.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of Dimensional Merge]]</ref>

On 29 [[December 2020]], Chris announced that the Merge "is on" without further explanation.<ref>https://twitter.com/cpu_cwcsonichu/status/1344006709606555648?s=21</ref> Whether or not this means that the Merge is finally complete remains to be seen.

The Merge's future course is subject only to Chris's whims, and is not dependent upon Chris's [[Financhu Crisis|deteriorating finances]], his [[Barbara Chandler|aged mother's]] declining health, or [[Chris and reality|any other events in 1218]]. Originally supposed to be complete within a few months of its announcement, it is now ''nearly complete'' and yet continues to be pushed further into the future, as nothing in Chris's world objectively changes except the identities of his enabling rivals for incompetence. Whether Chris will abandon his belief in the Merge in the event of some external shock like Barb's [[Chris and death|death]] and its fallout, or retreat further into it, is something only time can tell.

==See Also==
*[[Dimensions]]
*[[Chris and reality]]

==References==
<references/>

{{fantasies}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Punchy Sonichu

2020-12-29T20:33:07Z

Semper phlog: Fixed minor typo.

{{Wise|Punchy was [[December 2017 Facebook posts|molested]] by [[DJ Jamsta]], and by the events of [[Sonichu 13]], Punchy had been committed to an asylum after developing an irrational hatred for [[Obesity|fat people]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1989|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 1 June 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Punchy on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Punchy was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>[{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY]</ref> (122 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University ([[Dating Education]])<ref>See the events of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]</ref>
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Fighting
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]], formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is thought to be a [[Chris and race|racist]] Asian stereotype due to his {{w|Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes}} and martial arts upbringing. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin,<ref>[[Mailbag 6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> and claimed to [[Jackie]] that Punchy's eyes were a botched attempt at emulating Knuckles's furrowed brow.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Despite this, both Knuckles and Pokémon were created in Japan, and Punchy was still raised in a Dojo.

However, the eyes were altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks (even more) like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty {{w|Knuckles the Echidna}} knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest, dreadlocks and clawed punching gloves, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of four characters:

*{{w|Knuckles the Echidna}}
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and the ([[Chris and race|possibly unintentional]]) racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but for an incredibly long time, he had not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him – much to the anticipation of no-one. This in contrast to [[Wild Sonichu]], who has done so several times.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu - Episode 10, Page 3.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:SchuComic9P6.jpg]]</ref>

Despite Punchy being said to be freakishly strong and fierce, his power is barely seen in the comic, being reduced to just a poor comic relief, which is also the same fate Knuckles seems to have faced [[Sonic Boom|in recent years]].

==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a {{w|Dojo|Dōjō}}, more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List of Sonichu characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, presumably killing her. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>[{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY]</ref> Things apparently got a lot bleaker after that: according to the [[CWCipedia]] article for Sonichu (of all things), Chris explains that Master Nabe was brutally murdered by an envious student and that Punchy avenged his tutor by killing the assassin himself. Punchy then buried both of them behind the school... and continued to live there. Disturbingly, Punchy's main concern at the exact same time was getting Chris to turn the electricity back on at the Dojo so he could watch television.

He keeps his [[Chris and anger|temper]] down by "[[Chris and television|watching TV comedies]]."

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|''Totarry'' not Asian.]]

While Punchy punches rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board and jam in it, which causes Punchy to hitch a ride. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. After this, he vengefully participates in the violent assault of Blake, even though it was an accident.

===[[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here, because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], Punchy (sympathetically for the reader) thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start babbling about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous children. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is (cementing his place in the hearts of trollkind).

===[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move (which happens to be a trait of Knuckles, as [[SEGA]] has said a few times he is shy around girls). Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This thrills Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. Despite [[Chris and Writing|the entire premise of his attendance]] being notionally to ask out Angelica, the teacher pairs him up with [[Layla]] and he totally forgets about Angelica and makes no mention of her. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], which he has all of a sudden, he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest joint in CWCville – [[McDonald's]]. While he feeds Layla a french fry, [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. So he mopes outside the joint. Lucky for the Sneasel, Angelica just happens to show up, Punchy failing to even notice his past crush is right outside.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (presumably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville.

== Ruv Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, perhaps thinking the Catholic Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. He would have been wrong, though; Angelica spread her legs without a moment's hesitation for Reginald Sneasel.

While Punchy was portrayed as a typical hapless shy suitor completely befuddled on how to approach the opposite sex (i.e. Chris-chan, Wild, Sonichu, etc.) Punchy deviates from the norm by being the only non-[[jerk]] male to make the first move in approaching a lady in the series once he sees an opening. By being willing to change himself and his methods, keeping his options open, remaining optimistic about his chances of seducing someone, being relaxed when talking to a potential partner of the opposite sex, and improvising when things didn't quite go his way, the author ''once again'' inadvertently wrote a scathing indictment on the haplessness of his own [[Love Quest]].

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

This relationship comes to an end in [[Sonichu 11]], when Layla leaves him, fed up with [[Bananasauros]]'s antics. She then sleeps with Reginald almost immediaetly after the breakup, implying neither Reginald or Layla actually cared about their significant others, which leaves Punchy and Angelica the only members of the Chaotic Combo without Heartsweets. Perhaps Chris will go back to his original idea of pairing them together?

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yuugiou]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
File:Lego Punchy.jpg|[[LEGO|REGO]] Punchy.
File:PunchyA.jpg|Punchy [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

The Create Unknown

2020-11-06T05:44:56Z

Semper phlog: Transcript for the intro, from 0:00 to 3:34.

{{stub}}

'''The Create Unknown''' is a weekly podcast series hosted by Kevin Lieber of Vsauce2 fame and Matthew Tabor. Their premise is to interview notable online creators and gain insight of how they got started and what drives them.

On 28 October 2020, Chris was interviewed in their 64th episode. Initially behind a paywall, the interview was released for free a week later.

==Interview==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christine Weston Chandler and Sonichu Exclusive Interview [Ep. 64]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|caSSLeHu37I}}
| stardate = 28 [[October 2020]]
| maker = The Create Unknown
| subject = }}

==Intro (0:00-3:34)==
{{transcript}}
[''An audio clip of Chris, speaking as Sonichu, with hosts Kevin Lieber and Matt Tabor, plays over the podcast intro''] 

'''Chris (As Sonichu):''' Our Christine-Chan ended up, uh, with the [[Medallions|medallion,]] findin' it had been heavenly bes-bestowed upon her, nearly two decades ago- [''Music'']

'''Kevin Lieber:''' What is your average day like? Wha-wh-what's, what's a day in the life of Sonichu like? [''Music'']

'''Chris:''' This body is literally immortal. It's literally for thousands of years! [''Music'']

'''Matt Tabor:''' What happens to all of us, when the [[Dimensional Merge|dimensions merge?]] Does anything change for us? [''Music''] He wanted to know how you deal with, with the hate, and not just, you know, [[TF2 Analysis|blocking people,]] but how you deal with it mentally- [''Music'']

'''Kevin:''' I would love to hear your perspective on that original.. Sonic design that came out- [''Music''] Alright, so uh, we'll get you out on this last question, it's one we ask every single one of our guests, so here it is: Sonichu, what is your fursona? [''Music ends'']

Hey, welcome to The Create Unknown, I am Kevin Lieber. This is the home of make something, mean something, we are live on Discord with all of [[Patreon|our great patrons, our two dollar tots, our dumpster crew, our infantry, our lustrious-illustrious baby gang,]] and uh, as always, I'm here with Matthew Tabor who will intro our guest.

'''Matt:''' We're really excited about this guest, uh, because we've tried for a couple months to get a hold of [[Transgender|her,]] uh, and we finally have. Every civilization has its defining epic hero. Uh, those personas who enthrall us with... unique exploits and who traverse the singularly difficult problems of existence, and through whose struggles and triumphs we see a little bit of the best of ourselves. The Greeks had Achilles. The Greeks ''and'' the Romans had Aeneas. [[Monty Python|The Britons had King Arthur.]] Citizens of the internet have [[Chris|Mrs. Christine Weston Chandler.]]

Christine is the creator of [[Sonichu|Sonichu,]] a hybrid species of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, [[Chris and the law|inspired]] by Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, that started as a simple comic and has, over the last 13 years of public consciousness, expanded into an entire, complex universe, and as we'll find out, even ''beyond,'' as Sonichu now exists in other dimensions.

Christine has been known online as [[Chris|CWC, Chris-Chan, and Christian,]] and her own evolution is so packed full of details that one YouTube creator has a perpetual documentary series, called "Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History", consisting of 40 minute episodes. Just two weeks ago, episode 44 in that series was released. Christine may be the most tracked figure on the internet, and that has led to over a decade of doxing, trolling, and harassment on a nearly unfathomable scale. She's faced shocking adversity, including [[26 December 2014|unfortunate incidents at a GameStop,]] [[Liquid Chris|identity theft,]] [[Bob|the death of her father, Bob,]] [[Fire|and her house (and nearly all possessions) being destroyed by ''fire''.]] Yet, Christine has rebuilt, she continues to create, and she continues to evolve.

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Interview videos]]

Ivy O'Neil

2020-11-01T05:26:36Z

Semper phlog: Put it in the wrong place

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|♪She's gotta be true, she's gotta be pretty, and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be Ivvyyyyy~♪|[[Chris]] singing [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler karaoke]].<ref>[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Ivy
| image = [[Image:Ivythumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Ivy O'Neil
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 17 March 1992 (age {{age|1992|17|3}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Father
|data7 = [[Officer Keino]]
|label8 = Occupation
|data8 = Art history student
}}

'''Ivy O'Neil''' was a [[troll]] who became [[Chris]]'s one and only [[sweetheart]] from [[March 2009|March]] to [[May 2009]]. The slew of work that escalated from her simple request to gain a video shout-out remains one of the crazier sagas in the CWChronology. Ivy's saga is also seen as one of the most important to Christorians, as it provided insight into Chris's thought processes, the saga being a scenario where Chris genuinely believed that his [[Love Quest]] was ending.

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==Prologue==
[[Image:Ivyface.jpg|thumb|An (alleged) picture of Ivy]]
Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris at levels rarely seen before or ever since. The Ivy Saga resulted in three ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu Specials]]'', four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including the notorious [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta]] video), a long-awaited [[Tour of Christian's House|tour of his house]], a new [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album]], the discovery of [[CWC is Angry|The Lost Video]], the emergence of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as troll obstacles, images of Chris wearing the new [[Medallion of Fail]] and [[butt garments]], and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior.

Ivy was a redhead. Chris therefore lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart, since women with red hair had been excluded (along with [[niggos|blacks]] and non-[[boyfriend-free girl]]s).

==Timeline==
===March===
[[Image:Message_For_Ivy.jpg|thumb|[[Creepy stare|The stuff of nightmares.]]]]

The story of the Ivy Saga came when she wanted to surprise a friend by getting Chris to give a video shout-out. Posing as a member of Chris's [[fanbase]], after a 30-minute grilling by [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] she was able to speak to Chris. He was quiet and seemingly uninterested, but he agreed to the shout-out. In his Captain's Log of [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009|18 March 2009]], Chris sent his greetings to "Ahmy-vie" and her friend Rachel. This was right at the height of the [[Emily]] fiasco – between the day Chris stood her up and the day the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] stole her away –, so "Ivy" and "Rachel" were assumed by many observers to be codenames for Emily and her friend Stephanie.

Ivy was dissatisfied with the quality of the shout-out and immediately called back to complain. Disappointed with Emily's no-show, Chris was now much more animated with Ivy, and told her, "If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new heartsweet." The very next day, 19 March, after the Emily date and Clyde Cash's [[hooker incident]], Chris called Ivy. They discussed video games, art, and handwriting. She sent him a self-portrait along with a drawing of her personal Sonichu character "Layla" (see above), and Chris shared with Ivy sexual fantasies involving Layla and [[Reginald]]. He told Ivy, "I love you." What follows was [[CWC's Message for Ivy|massive levels of creepiness]] not even the most hardened of trolls were ready for.

{{quote|I'll be in your dreams!|Chris to Ivy<ref>[[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video]]</ref>}}

{{Main|Sonichu Special 1}}
[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Fresh from the shop!]]
Ivy was in the driver's seat now, and proved to be a muse like no other. Chris responded with some of his most complex work to date, ''Sonichu'' Special 1 and its accompanying music video, [[CWC Holding Out for a Hero]].

From this point onwards, Chris was utterly smitten with Ivy, and genuinely thought that this would be his lucky break and a chance to end his tenure as a [[Virgin with Rage]], if ''Sonichu'' Specials [[Sonichu Special 2|2]] and [[Sonichu Special 3|3]] are to be believed.

For the rest of March, Chris was a prolific video blogger. He doubled down on his [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|creepy video messages]] and make a positive difference in the life of Ivy's [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|insecure cousin, Flora]]. He managed this even while pressed on another front by his [[Clyde Cash|arch-nemesis]]; indeed, most of Chris's videos directed against Clyde during these months were in fact prompted by Ivy.

Things were moving quickly, but of course a classy college girl like Ivy wasn't going to arrange a sleepover at the Chandlers' sight unseen. Her next request, a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of the property]], ignited a slow-forming but [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|ultimately epic]] meltdown; his parents proceeded to get pissed at him for filming their house and putting it on the internet without their consent, fearing that the local health department could see it and condemn their house.

Chris also shared details with Ivy about his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|incontinence issues]] and Barb's constant effort to persuade him to wear protective liners or, as he called them, "[[butt garments]]".

===April===
{{Main|Vanessa Saga}}

As April dawned, [[Rocky Shoemaker]] very nearly pulled the Chandlers, kicking and screaming, out of their vortex of stupidity. Luckily for Ivy, she had already passed all of the Chandlers' tests for TRUTH and HONESTY,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> and so was spared most of the (brief) fallout. Rocky put a temporary halt to Chris's video production, but Ivy convinced him that everything would be fine as long as he deleted the videos from YouTube as soon as she had saved them. Yet even as one crisis passed, another emerged when [[Joshua Martinez|a mutual friend]] introduced Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. Juggling '''two''' needy imaginary girlfriends would [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Sarah_Jackson_love_triangle|once again]] prove challenging for one merely-mortal autistic man.

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|WHY]]
{{Main|April 16 Fetish Vids}}
With inspiration from Ivy, Chris got a new [[cwcville.com]] up, and made progress on [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]. He then created the world's first-ever YouTube videos intended for [[Crass and Champ|pet crabs]]. The [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Hedgehog Boys]] got back together and hit the road again. And then shit got real: mid-month, Ivy found out about Chris's two-timing ways. The [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|punishment]] was revolting, to say the least. After his humiliating penance, Chris was given a second chance...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 2}}
...to plan a kickass wedding! The result was another ''Sonichu Special'', complete with an accompanying video, [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. And you can't have a wedding without...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 3}}
...a honeymoon! Ivy specifically asked Chris to draw his [[duck]] life-sized, so that he couldn't hide the bend. Needless to say, the leaking of the infamous Giant Penis Comic meant that April ended on a decidedly low note. Chris had to make an explanation video to ease the mind of a traumatized [[Ching Chong]], and had to confess to all of [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|his crimes]]. Of course, the dastardly trolls pounced on every word.

{{quote|Ivy is real! We are going to be together foreverrr! I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS.|Chris<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref>}}

Chris helped Ivy put the Vanessa mistake behind them by discussing their future together. Chris assumed that after they got married, she would use her Ph.D. to get a full-time job, but would also do all the cooking when she got home. He would, of course, sit around and draw his comics. He also assumed that Ivy would have no problem if he visited strip clubs, but got very uncomfortable when she asked about her own sexual needs. When the conversation turned to oral sex, he explained his theory about [[recycling]], and indulged her with a notorious demonstrative [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|video]].

Chris also ingratiated himself with [[Officer Keino|Ivy's father]], speaking with him on the phone twice. He impressed the Coach McGuirk lookalike with his stories of being in the Cub Scouts and drawing a comic book for children.

===May===
Throughout the Chandlers' trials and tribulations, Ivy remained TRUE and HONEST. A Chandler family vacation up to Boston, to visit Ivy,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref><ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref> was in the works. But in a fit of righteousness, Rocky brought the Chandlers to the police to sort out the trolls once and for all. The Chandlers were interested in investigating only [[Joshua Martinez]], but Rocky overrode their protests and insisted on checking into Ivy's background as well.

Ivy was furious, and after accusing Chris of betraying her, broke up with him.

Chris persisted in calling Ivy for two days after she broke off their relationship. She and Officer Keino called Bob to have him tell Chris to back off. In Ivy's words, "Chris still had no concept of the word 'no.'"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

On the night of 14 [[May 2009|May]], the following was written on Chris's [[ED]] talk page:

{{quote|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.|Chris<ref>[[List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica]]</ref>}}

==Epilogue==
[[Image:IvysDeath.png|thumb|An artist's depiction of Ivy's untimely death.]]
In July 2009, Chris was fed the rumor that Ivy had committed suicide by hanging "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me." He tastelessly uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a belated memorial.

In November 2009, he [[:File:SchuComic9P92.jpg|described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text]] in [[Sonichu 9|the comic]]. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death, despite [[BILLY MAYS]]'s best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of [[Sonichu Girls|Sonichu-Girl]], **Ivy O'Niel**".

On 19 [[April 2010]], Chris updated the [[CWCipedia]] with a [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|page]] containing various profiles of his "[[gal-pal]]s and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:

{{quote|Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging.|CWC<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>}}

In a [[May 2011]] email, Chris mentioned her dismissively, saying "that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> In [[June 2014]], Chris said that except for [[Kacey]], all of his former sweethearts were "deceptive theoretical exes." This suggests that Chris knew by this point that none of his girlfriends, including Ivy, had been real.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Gallery==
===Art by Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.png
Image:Ivy Jammies.jpg
Image:IvysRosechu.jpg|Rosechu
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg|[[Bubbles Rosechu]]
Image:Layla.jpg|Luckette (a.k.a. [[Layla Flaaffy]])
Image:Princessivy.png|Princess Ivy, Ivy's fursona.
</gallery></center>

===Art of Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:IvyWedding.jpg
Image:IvyRing.jpg|IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...
Image:CWCsIvyKiss.jpg|"FUCK IT'S [[Episode 2|EPISODE 2]] ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - [[Vivian Gee]] <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6c5txd8ro#t=2m32s Sonichu - Special Episode 1! The Audiobook! Clyde VS Chris!]</ref>
Image:350meko.jpg|Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Image:CWCRescuesIvy.jpg
Image:Cwc&ivy34.jpg|Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Image:CWC,Ivy,fursona.jpg|Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.
Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.
</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.jpg
Image:Ivypickle.jpg
Image:Dearest Ivy by Chimerica.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Ivy Q%26A]]
*[[Vanessa Saga]]
*''[[Soul Calibur]]''

==References==
<references/>

{{Sagas}}
{{Love quest}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neil, Ivy}}

[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga]]

Ivy O'Neil

2020-11-01T05:24:14Z

Semper phlog: Added a picture of Ivy, apparently featured in Geno's video. I don't know where it came from, ask Sailorluna

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|♪She's gotta be true, she's gotta be pretty, and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be Ivvyyyyy~♪|[[Chris]] singing [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler karaoke]].<ref>[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Ivy
| image = [[Image:Ivythumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Ivy O'Neil
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 17 March 1992 (age {{age|1992|17|3}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Father
|data7 = [[Officer Keino]]
|label8 = Occupation
|data8 = Art history student
}}

'''Ivy O'Neil''' was a [[troll]] who became [[Chris]]'s one and only [[sweetheart]] from [[March 2009|March]] to [[May 2009]]. The slew of work that escalated from her simple request to gain a video shout-out remains one of the crazier sagas in the CWChronology. Ivy's saga is also seen as one of the most important to Christorians, as it provided insight into Chris's thought processes, the saga being a scenario where Chris genuinely believed that his [[Love Quest]] was ending.

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==Prologue==
Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris at levels rarely seen before or ever since. The Ivy Saga resulted in three ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu Specials]]'', four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including the notorious [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta]] video), a long-awaited [[Tour of Christian's House|tour of his house]], a new [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album]], the discovery of [[CWC is Angry|The Lost Video]], the emergence of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as troll obstacles, images of Chris wearing the new [[Medallion of Fail]] and [[butt garments]], and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior.

Ivy was a redhead. Chris therefore lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart, since women with red hair had been excluded (along with [[niggos|blacks]] and non-[[boyfriend-free girl]]s).

==Timeline==
===March===
[[Image:Message_For_Ivy.jpg|thumb|[[Creepy stare|The stuff of nightmares.]]]]

The story of the Ivy Saga came when she wanted to surprise a friend by getting Chris to give a video shout-out. Posing as a member of Chris's [[fanbase]], after a 30-minute grilling by [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] she was able to speak to Chris. He was quiet and seemingly uninterested, but he agreed to the shout-out. In his Captain's Log of [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009|18 March 2009]], Chris sent his greetings to "Ahmy-vie" and her friend Rachel. This was right at the height of the [[Emily]] fiasco – between the day Chris stood her up and the day the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] stole her away –, so "Ivy" and "Rachel" were assumed by many observers to be codenames for Emily and her friend Stephanie.

Ivy was dissatisfied with the quality of the shout-out and immediately called back to complain. Disappointed with Emily's no-show, Chris was now much more animated with Ivy, and told her, "If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new heartsweet." The very next day, 19 March, after the Emily date and Clyde Cash's [[hooker incident]], Chris called Ivy. They discussed video games, art, and handwriting. She sent him a self-portrait along with a drawing of her personal Sonichu character "Layla" (see above), and Chris shared with Ivy sexual fantasies involving Layla and [[Reginald]]. He told Ivy, "I love you." What follows was [[CWC's Message for Ivy|massive levels of creepiness]] not even the most hardened of trolls were ready for.

{{quote|I'll be in your dreams!|Chris to Ivy<ref>[[CWC%27s_Message_for_Ivy#Video]]</ref>}}

{{Main|Sonichu Special 1}}
[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Fresh from the shop!]]
Ivy was in the driver's seat now, and proved to be a muse like no other. Chris responded with some of his most complex work to date, ''Sonichu'' Special 1 and its accompanying music video, [[CWC Holding Out for a Hero]].

From this point onwards, Chris was utterly smitten with Ivy, and genuinely thought that this would be his lucky break and a chance to end his tenure as a [[Virgin with Rage]], if ''Sonichu'' Specials [[Sonichu Special 2|2]] and [[Sonichu Special 3|3]] are to be believed.

For the rest of March, Chris was a prolific video blogger. He doubled down on his [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|creepy video messages]] and make a positive difference in the life of Ivy's [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|insecure cousin, Flora]]. He managed this even while pressed on another front by his [[Clyde Cash|arch-nemesis]]; indeed, most of Chris's videos directed against Clyde during these months were in fact prompted by Ivy.

Things were moving quickly, but of course a classy college girl like Ivy wasn't going to arrange a sleepover at the Chandlers' sight unseen. Her next request, a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of the property]], ignited a slow-forming but [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|ultimately epic]] meltdown; his parents proceeded to get pissed at him for filming their house and putting it on the internet without their consent, fearing that the local health department could see it and condemn their house.

Chris also shared details with Ivy about his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|incontinence issues]] and Barb's constant effort to persuade him to wear protective liners or, as he called them, "[[butt garments]]".

===April===
{{Main|Vanessa Saga}}

As April dawned, [[Rocky Shoemaker]] very nearly pulled the Chandlers, kicking and screaming, out of their vortex of stupidity. Luckily for Ivy, she had already passed all of the Chandlers' tests for TRUTH and HONESTY,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> and so was spared most of the (brief) fallout. Rocky put a temporary halt to Chris's video production, but Ivy convinced him that everything would be fine as long as he deleted the videos from YouTube as soon as she had saved them. Yet even as one crisis passed, another emerged when [[Joshua Martinez|a mutual friend]] introduced Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. Juggling '''two''' needy imaginary girlfriends would [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Sarah_Jackson_love_triangle|once again]] prove challenging for one merely-mortal autistic man.

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|WHY]]
{{Main|April 16 Fetish Vids}}
With inspiration from Ivy, Chris got a new [[cwcville.com]] up, and made progress on [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]. He then created the world's first-ever YouTube videos intended for [[Crass and Champ|pet crabs]]. The [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Hedgehog Boys]] got back together and hit the road again. And then shit got real: mid-month, Ivy found out about Chris's two-timing ways. The [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|punishment]] was revolting, to say the least. After his humiliating penance, Chris was given a second chance...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 2}}
...to plan a kickass wedding! The result was another ''Sonichu Special'', complete with an accompanying video, [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. And you can't have a wedding without...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 3}}
...a honeymoon! Ivy specifically asked Chris to draw his [[duck]] life-sized, so that he couldn't hide the bend. Needless to say, the leaking of the infamous Giant Penis Comic meant that April ended on a decidedly low note. Chris had to make an explanation video to ease the mind of a traumatized [[Ching Chong]], and had to confess to all of [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|his crimes]]. Of course, the dastardly trolls pounced on every word.

{{quote|Ivy is real! We are going to be together foreverrr! I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS.|Chris<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref>}}

Chris helped Ivy put the Vanessa mistake behind them by discussing their future together. Chris assumed that after they got married, she would use her Ph.D. to get a full-time job, but would also do all the cooking when she got home. He would, of course, sit around and draw his comics. He also assumed that Ivy would have no problem if he visited strip clubs, but got very uncomfortable when she asked about her own sexual needs. When the conversation turned to oral sex, he explained his theory about [[recycling]], and indulged her with a notorious demonstrative [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|video]].

Chris also ingratiated himself with [[Officer Keino|Ivy's father]], speaking with him on the phone twice. He impressed the Coach McGuirk lookalike with his stories of being in the Cub Scouts and drawing a comic book for children.

===May===
Throughout the Chandlers' trials and tribulations, Ivy remained TRUE and HONEST. A Chandler family vacation up to Boston, to visit Ivy,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref><ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref> was in the works. But in a fit of righteousness, Rocky brought the Chandlers to the police to sort out the trolls once and for all. The Chandlers were interested in investigating only [[Joshua Martinez]], but Rocky overrode their protests and insisted on checking into Ivy's background as well.

Ivy was furious, and after accusing Chris of betraying her, broke up with him.

Chris persisted in calling Ivy for two days after she broke off their relationship. She and Officer Keino called Bob to have him tell Chris to back off. In Ivy's words, "Chris still had no concept of the word 'no.'"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

On the night of 14 [[May 2009|May]], the following was written on Chris's [[ED]] talk page:

{{quote|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.|Chris<ref>[[List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica]]</ref>}}

==Epilogue==
[[Image:IvysDeath.png|thumb|An artist's depiction of Ivy's untimely death.]]
In July 2009, Chris was fed the rumor that Ivy had committed suicide by hanging "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me." He tastelessly uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a belated memorial.

In November 2009, he [[:File:SchuComic9P92.jpg|described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text]] in [[Sonichu 9|the comic]]. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death, despite [[BILLY MAYS]]'s best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of [[Sonichu Girls|Sonichu-Girl]], **Ivy O'Niel**".

On 19 [[April 2010]], Chris updated the [[CWCipedia]] with a [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|page]] containing various profiles of his "[[gal-pal]]s and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:

{{quote|Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging.|CWC<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>}}

In a [[May 2011]] email, Chris mentioned her dismissively, saying "that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> In [[June 2014]], Chris said that except for [[Kacey]], all of his former sweethearts were "deceptive theoretical exes." This suggests that Chris knew by this point that none of his girlfriends, including Ivy, had been real.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Gallery==
===Art by Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.png
Image:Ivy Jammies.jpg
Image:IvysRosechu.jpg|Rosechu
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg|[[Bubbles Rosechu]]
Image:Layla.jpg|Luckette (a.k.a. [[Layla Flaaffy]])
Image:Princessivy.png|Princess Ivy, Ivy's fursona.
</gallery></center>

===Art of Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:IvyWedding.jpg
Image:IvyRing.jpg|IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...
Image:Ivyface.jpg|An (alleged) picture of Ivy
Image:CWCsIvyKiss.jpg|"FUCK IT'S [[Episode 2|EPISODE 2]] ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - [[Vivian Gee]] <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6c5txd8ro#t=2m32s Sonichu - Special Episode 1! The Audiobook! Clyde VS Chris!]</ref>
Image:350meko.jpg|Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Image:CWCRescuesIvy.jpg
Image:Cwc&ivy34.jpg|Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Image:CWC,Ivy,fursona.jpg|Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.
Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.
</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.jpg
Image:Ivypickle.jpg
Image:Dearest Ivy by Chimerica.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Ivy Q%26A]]
*[[Vanessa Saga]]
*''[[Soul Calibur]]''

==References==
<references/>

{{Sagas}}
{{Love quest}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neil, Ivy}}

[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga]]

File:Ivyface.jpg

2020-11-01T05:21:08Z

Semper phlog:

Angelica

2020-10-26T22:27:42Z

Semper phlog:

{{Wise|Angelica converted from Catholicism to Islam, and eventually Satanism, getting a demonic redesign in [[Sonichu 13]].}}
{{quote|Angelica is a religious type; she feels peace and tranquility often from the presence of [[God and Jesus]] and her healthy life in general.|Chris, describing the [[Reginald Sneasel|Sneasel]]-fucking whore in [[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff|Mailbag 7]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Angelica.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Angelica Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 27 August 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Angelica on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Angelica was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'10 (91 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 90 lbs (41 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Nuns
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Flying
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosee]] (when happy with Soothe Bell<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Out-of-battle_effect_item]</ref>)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Angelica.jpg|thumb|Angelica in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Angelica''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]]. She is a Flying/Electric type. Despite the fact that she was hatched in [[2004]], [[Chris]] insists that she is over 18 so that he is not considered a [[pedofork]] for his pictures of Angelica [[mass debating]].

Angelica was brought up in a strict Catholic convent, with nuns being the only family she ever knew. Her painfully bleak upbringing clashes with her apparently insatiable sexual appetites. The fierce repression of her youth, in the cold surroundings of the brutal convent, led to her later rebellion which tragically took the form of her indoctrination into the [[Chaotic Combo]]. She went from diligently worshiping [[Jesus]] to being nothing but a masturbatory aid for her [[Chris|demented creator]], another lobotomized beast rattling around in the bird-cage of Chris's mind.

Like other Rosechus, she has [[Chris and writing|no discernible personality whatsoever]], aside from a verbal tic ("Lord") that Chris claims is indicative of a pious Catholic personality. Chris calls Angelica a "peacemaker", which is curious because the folks of [[CWCville]] normally don't end up in any kind of quarrels; when they ''do'', Angelica is seemingly powerless to prevent it or offer any other form of assistance.

Angelica is the only prominent Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never to have had a tail ([[Punchy|Punchy's]] was torn off). The reason for this is yet to be revealed.

She is a combination of three characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Wikipedia:Angel|Angels]]

==Major Comic Appearances==
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===
Angelica's egg came into the possession of a group of nuns, who nurtured the egg until its hatching, revealing a small, white, winged [[Rosey]]. After learning how to fly under the watch of nuns, she evolved one night in her sleep, which Chris commemorated by breaking into her house, implying that he [[Pedofork|frequently watched her sleeping as a child]], and leaving her some shoes and a scrunchie.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Angelica meets the [[Chaotic Combo]] moments after planting a flower garden and viewing it from above, when all of a sudden, [[Blake]] and [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] come crashing through, shortly followed by the rest of the Chaotic Combo. After a short discussion, Angelica and the gang beat Blake up. It is established that Angelica's main mode of attack and defense is through using her wings rather than any electric powers.

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===

Like the rest of the combo Angelica is summoned into battle by [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] but just like everyone not named Chris, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], or [[Sailor Megtune|Megtune]], she doesn't actually do or say anything the entire issue.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

In this issue, Angelica pretends to be concerned about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's imaginary twin sister]] getting trapped in the mirror one minute, and the next minute she talks about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s great basketball skills. She and [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] think to themselves “What a dreamboat," in a moment of shared demented lust.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_Prologue|Episode 18 Prologue]]===

Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthdays on 2 February 2008.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===

While sunbathing with [[Rosechu]], Angelica makes the mistake of asking Bubbles why she doesn't need sunscreen, and is subjected to a long boring lecture. After Blake shows up and kicks sand at them before being led away by Bubbles, Angelica and Rosechu giggle about Blake's faux-macho attitude. Later, after Bubbles retrieves a [[Sonichu Ball]] from the ocean, she hands it to Angelica, who flies it back to [[Patti-Chan]] who is at the Cwcville Mayoral Office.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)]]===

While absent for most of the episode, Angelica shows up on the last few pages to randomly hook up with [[Reginald Sneasel]] for no reason whatsoever. Apparently she's only attracted to pathetic losers and is a liar or an extremely poor judge of character, calling an obsessive liar who partakes in acts of vandalism "honest" and "sweet".

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC Defense]]===

Angelica is shown waking up in bed with Reginald at her church home, removing all doubt that she's a dirty whore. She's later seen taking down several flying enemies. She precisely forms a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]] around her church, making her supposed devotion to Catholicism even more doubtful.

===[[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

Angelica reads the [[Asperpedia Four]] their "last rights", and is one of the people pushing the buttons on [[Alec]]'s ten-button electric chair. She thinks "may God have mercy".

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_22:_.22A_Sonichu_Christmas.22|A Sonichu Christmas]]===

Angelica helps set a table at her church. She's also shown at the Shopping Center with several other Sonichus and Rosechus. She's paired with Punchy, which ends up proving that she's a two-timer.

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_23:_.22Simonchu_.26_Bananafunkle.E2.80.9D|Simonchu & Bananafunkle]]===

Angelica is given a special Razor Claw by Wild, which she makes into a special necklace for Reginald, in case he ever wants to evolve. Once he does, he destroys her room and breaks up with her, due to [[Chris and anger|uncontrollable rage.]]

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_24.2C_Part_2:_The_Clip_Show:_Catching_Up|Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up]]===

Angelica attends Sonichu's and Rosechu's wedding. She helps comfort Rosechu when the tension is getting to her.

== [[Love Quest]] ==

Angelica went through the first eight ''Sonichu'' comics not showing any interest in any of the male characters, before finally shacking with [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Episode 19]] after he called her cute. Given that Reginald is basically a Chris stand-in, it's generally assumed by [[trolls]] that Chris would like his relationship to start in a similar manner: a girl throwing herself at him not in spite of the fact that he's pathetic, but because of it. As of [[Sonichu 11]], they appear to have broken up after Reginald went on a rampage during the night and trashed their room, then running off to have sex with [[Layla]] as Angelica is left to [[Women%27s_rights#In_the_comic|clean up his mess]]. With Punchy's break up with Layla, possibly Angelica and Punchy will get together?

==[[Rule 34]]==
Chris drew Rule 34 of Angelica, which he uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], hoping that it would encourage [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ''et al.'' to remove his article. Predictably, his plan backfired, resulting in an increased interest in him and his work.

The picture in question was originally included with the caption "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of [[God]]?!!", suggesting that Angelica has a penchant for masturbating in church.<ref>[[:File:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG]]</ref>

Angelica's struggle with sexual sin might be an insight into Chris's own struggle between his Christianity and his sexual desires. While Chris claims to be a Christian, he acts similarly to Angelica, maintaining a veneer of piousness yet living in a prison of [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], masturbation, pornography, and [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|complete submission to his sexuality]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Chris's attempt to show his congregation that these Satanic card games that tempt children these days can have good Christian characters too.
Image:271-Angelica.jpg|The power of prayer... it does nothing to relieve the crapfest.
Image:AngelicaSpreadsEm.jpg|While the nuns are kneeling demurely in devotion, Angelica splays her [[china]] wide open for [[GodJesus]].
Image:satanic angelica.jpg|Angelica covered in [[Chris and art|blood]] and sporting demon horns after converting to Satanism in [[Sonichu 13|Issue 13.]]
File:Lego Angelica.jpg|[[LEGO]] Angelica.
File:Angelica 1.JPG|"Angelic Angelica," original work of art offered for sale on [[eBay]].
File:NewAngelicaA.jpg|Angelica [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Angelica Rosechu}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]][[Category:Characters]][[Category:Rosechus]]

Angelica

2020-10-26T22:25:52Z

Semper phlog:

{{Wise|Angelica converted from Catholicism to Islam, and eventually Satanism, getting a demonic redesign in [[Sonichu 13]].}}
{{quote|Angelica is a religious type; she feels peace and tranquility often from the presence of [[God and Jesus]] and her healthy life in general.|Chris, describing the [[Reginald Sneasel|Sneasel]]-fucking whore in [[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff|Mailbag 7]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Angelica.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Angelica Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 27 August 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Angelica on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Angelica was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'10 (91 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 90 lbs (41 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Nuns
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Flying
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosee]] (when happy with Soothe Bell<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Out-of-battle_effect_item]</ref>)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Angelica.jpg|thumb|Angelica in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Angelica''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]]. She is a Flying/Electric type. Despite the fact that she was hatched in [[2004]], [[Chris]] insists that she is over 18 so that he is not considered a [[pedofork]] for his pictures of Angelica [[mass debating]].

Angelica was brought up in a strict Catholic convent, with nuns being the only family she ever knew. Her painfully bleak upbringing clashes with her apparently insatiable sexual appetites. The fierce repression of her youth, in the cold surroundings of the brutal convent, led to her later rebellion which tragically took the form of her indoctrination into the [[Chaotic Combo]]. She went from diligently worshiping [[Jesus]] to being nothing but a masturbatory aid for her [[Chris|demented creator]], another lobotomized beast rattling around in the bird-cage of Chris's mind.

Like other Rosechus, she has [[Chris and writing|no discernible personality whatsoever]], aside from a verbal tic ("Lord") that Chris claims is indicative of a pious Catholic personality. Chris calls Angelica a "peacemaker", which is curious because the folks of [[CWCville]] normally don't end up in any kind of quarrels; when they ''do'', Angelica is seemingly powerless to prevent it or offer any other form of assistance.

Angelica is the only prominent Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never to have had a tail ([[Punchy|Punchy's]] was torn off). The reason for this is yet to be revealed.

She is a combination of three characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Wikipedia:Angel|Angels]]

==Major Comic Appearances==
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===
Angelica's egg came into the possession of a group of nuns, who nurtured the egg until its hatching, revealing a small, white, winged [[Rosey]]. After learning how to fly under the watch of nuns, she evolved one night in her sleep, which Chris commemorated by breaking into her house, implying that he [[Pedofork|frequently watched her sleeping as a child]], and leaving her some shoes and a scrunchie.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Angelica meets the [[Chaotic Combo]] moments after planting a flower garden and viewing it from above, when all of a sudden, [[Blake]] and [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] come crashing through, shortly followed by the rest of the Chaotic Combo. After a short discussion, Angelica and the gang beat Blake up. It is established that Angelica's main mode of attack and defense is through using her wings rather than any electric powers.

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===

Like the rest of the combo Angelica is summoned into battle by [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] but just like everyone not named Chris, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], or [[Sailor Megtune|Megtune]], she doesn't actually do or say anything the entire issue.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

In this issue, Angelica pretends to be concerned about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's imaginary twin sister]] getting trapped in the mirror one minute, and the next minute she talks about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s great basketball skills. She and [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] think to themselves “What a dreamboat," in a moment of shared demented lust.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_Prologue|Episode 18 Prologue]]===

Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthdays on 2 February 2008.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===

While sunbathing with [[Rosechu]], Angelica makes the mistake of asking Bubbles why she doesn't need sunscreen, and is subjected to a long boring lecture. After Blake shows up and kicks sand at them before being led away by Bubbles, Angelica and Rosechu giggle about Blake's faux-macho attitude. Later, after Bubbles retrieves a [[Sonichu Ball]] from the ocean, she hands it to Angelica, who flies it back to [[Patti-Chan]] who is at the Cwcville Mayoral Office.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)]]===

While absent for most of the episode, Angelica shows up on the last few pages to randomly hook up with [[Reginald Sneasel]] for no reason whatsoever. Apparently she's only attracted to pathetic losers and is a liar or an extremely poor judge of character, calling an obsessive liar who partakes in acts of vandalism "honest" and "sweet".

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC Defense]]===

Angelica is shown waking up in bed with Reginald at her church home, removing all doubt that she's a dirty whore. She's later seen taking down several flying enemies. She precisely forms a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]] around her church, making her supposed devotion to Catholicism even more doubtful.

===[[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

Angelica reads the [[Asperpedia Four]] their "last rights", and is one of the people pushing the buttons on [[Alec]]'s ten-button electric chair. She thinks "may God have mercy".

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_22:_.22A_Sonichu_Christmas.22|A Sonichu Christmas]]===

Angelica helps set a table at her church. She's also shown at the Shopping Center with several other Sonichus and Rosechus. She's paired with Punchy, which ends up proving that she's a two-timer.

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_23:_.22Simonchu_.26_Bananafunkle.E2.80.9D|Simonchu & Bananafunkle]]===

Angelica is given a special Razor Claw by Wild, which she makes into a special necklace for Reginald, in case he ever wants to evolve. Once he does, he destroys her room and breaks up with her, due to [[Chris and anger|uncontrollable rage.]]

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_24.2C_Part_2:_The_Clip_Show:_Catching_Up|Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up]]===

Angelica attends Sonichu's and Rosechu's wedding. She helps comfort Rosechu when the tension is getting to her.

== [[Love Quest]] ==

Angelica went through the first eight ''Sonichu'' comics not showing any interest in any of the male characters, before finally shacking with [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Episode 19]] after he called her cute. Given that Reginald is basically a Chris stand-in, it's generally assumed by [[trolls]] that Chris would like his relationship to start in a similar manner: a girl throwing herself at him not in spite of the fact that he's pathetic, but because of it. As of [[Sonichu 11]], they appear to have broken up after Reginald went on a rampage during the night and trashed their room, then running off to have sex with [[Layla]] as Angelica is left to [[Women%27s_rights#In_the_comic|clean up his mess]]. With Punchy's break up with Layla, possibly Angelica and Punchy will get together?

==[[Rule 34]]==
Chris drew Rule 34 of Angelica, which he uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], hoping that it would encourage [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ''et al.'' to remove his article. Predictably, his plan backfired, resulting in an increased interest in him and his work.

The picture in question was originally included with the caption "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of [[God]]?!!", suggesting that Angelica has a penchant for masturbating in church.<ref>[[:File:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG]]</ref>

Angelica's struggle with sexual sin might be an insight into Chris's own struggle between his Christianity and his sexual desires. While Chris claims to be a Christian, he acts similarly to Angelica, maintaining a veneer of piousness yet living in a prison of [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], masturbation, pornography, and [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|complete submission to his sexuality]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Chris's attempt to show his congregation that these Satanic card games that tempt children these days can have good Christian characters too.
Image:271-Angelica.jpg|The power of prayer... it does nothing to relieve the crapfest.
Image:AngelicaSpreadsEm.jpg|While the nuns are kneeling demurely in devotion, Angelica splays her [[china]] wide open for [[GodJesus]].
Image:satanic angelica.jpg|Angelica covered in [[Chris and art|blood]] after converting to Satanism in [[Sonichu 13|Issue 13.]]
File:Lego Angelica.jpg|[[LEGO]] Angelica.
File:Angelica 1.JPG|"Angelic Angelica," original work of art offered for sale on [[eBay]].
File:NewAngelicaA.jpg|Angelica [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Angelica Rosechu}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]][[Category:Characters]][[Category:Rosechus]]

Angelica

2020-10-26T22:24:32Z

Semper phlog: Added Satanic Angelica

{{Wise|Angelica converted from Catholicism to Islam, and eventually Satanism, getting a demonic redesign in [[Sonichu 13]].}}
{{quote|Angelica is a religious type; she feels peace and tranquility often from the presence of [[God and Jesus]] and her healthy life in general.|Chris, describing the [[Reginald Sneasel|Sneasel]]-fucking whore in [[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff|Mailbag 7]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Angelica.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Angelica Rosechu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 27 August 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Angelica on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Angelica was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'10 (91 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 90 lbs (41 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Nuns
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Flying
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Rosee]] (when happy with Soothe Bell<ref>[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Out-of-battle_effect_item]</ref>)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Angelica.jpg|thumb|Angelica in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Angelica''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Rainbow|Chaotic Rainbow]]. She is a Flying/Electric type. Despite the fact that she was hatched in [[2004]], [[Chris]] insists that she is over 18 so that he is not considered a [[pedofork]] for his pictures of Angelica [[mass debating]].

Angelica was brought up in a strict Catholic convent, with nuns being the only family she ever knew. Her painfully bleak upbringing clashes with her apparently insatiable sexual appetites. The fierce repression of her youth, in the cold surroundings of the brutal convent, led to her later rebellion which tragically took the form of her indoctrination into the [[Chaotic Combo]]. She went from diligently worshiping [[Jesus]] to being nothing but a masturbatory aid for her [[Chris|demented creator]], another lobotomized beast rattling around in the bird-cage of Chris's mind.

Like other Rosechus, she has [[Chris and writing|no discernible personality whatsoever]], aside from a verbal tic ("Lord") that Chris claims is indicative of a pious Catholic personality. Chris calls Angelica a "peacemaker", which is curious because the folks of [[CWCville]] normally don't end up in any kind of quarrels; when they ''do'', Angelica is seemingly powerless to prevent it or offer any other form of assistance.

Angelica is the only prominent Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never to have had a tail ([[Punchy|Punchy's]] was torn off). The reason for this is yet to be revealed.

She is a combination of three characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Wikipedia:Angel|Angels]]

==Major Comic Appearances==
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===
Angelica's egg came into the possession of a group of nuns, who nurtured the egg until its hatching, revealing a small, white, winged [[Rosey]]. After learning how to fly under the watch of nuns, she evolved one night in her sleep, which Chris commemorated by breaking into her house, implying that he [[Pedofork|frequently watched her sleeping as a child]], and leaving her some shoes and a scrunchie.

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

Angelica meets the [[Chaotic Combo]] moments after planting a flower garden and viewing it from above, when all of a sudden, [[Blake]] and [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] come crashing through, shortly followed by the rest of the Chaotic Combo. After a short discussion, Angelica and the gang beat Blake up. It is established that Angelica's main mode of attack and defense is through using her wings rather than any electric powers.

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===

Like the rest of the combo Angelica is summoned into battle by [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] but just like everyone not named Chris, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], or [[Sailor Megtune|Megtune]], she doesn't actually do or say anything the entire issue.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot]]===

In this issue, Angelica pretends to be concerned about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's imaginary twin sister]] getting trapped in the mirror one minute, and the next minute she talks about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s great basketball skills. She and [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] think to themselves “What a dreamboat," in a moment of shared demented lust.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_Prologue|Episode 18 Prologue]]===

Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthdays on 2 February 2008.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===

While sunbathing with [[Rosechu]], Angelica makes the mistake of asking Bubbles why she doesn't need sunscreen, and is subjected to a long boring lecture. After Blake shows up and kicks sand at them before being led away by Bubbles, Angelica and Rosechu giggle about Blake's faux-macho attitude. Later, after Bubbles retrieves a [[Sonichu Ball]] from the ocean, she hands it to Angelica, who flies it back to [[Patti-Chan]] who is at the Cwcville Mayoral Office.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)]]===

While absent for most of the episode, Angelica shows up on the last few pages to randomly hook up with [[Reginald Sneasel]] for no reason whatsoever. Apparently she's only attracted to pathetic losers and is a liar or an extremely poor judge of character, calling an obsessive liar who partakes in acts of vandalism "honest" and "sweet".

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC Defense]]===

Angelica is shown waking up in bed with Reginald at her church home, removing all doubt that she's a dirty whore. She's later seen taking down several flying enemies. She precisely forms a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|pentagram]] around her church, making her supposed devotion to Catholicism even more doubtful.

===[[Sonichu 10#Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities|Christian Chandler in Director Amenities]]===

Angelica reads the [[Asperpedia Four]] their "last rights", and is one of the people pushing the buttons on [[Alec]]'s ten-button electric chair. She thinks "may God have mercy".

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_22:_.22A_Sonichu_Christmas.22|A Sonichu Christmas]]===

Angelica helps set a table at her church. She's also shown at the Shopping Center with several other Sonichus and Rosechus. She's paired with Punchy, which ends up proving that she's a two-timer.

===[[Sonichu_11#Episode_23:_.22Simonchu_.26_Bananafunkle.E2.80.9D|Simonchu & Bananafunkle]]===

Angelica is given a special Razor Claw by Wild, which she makes into a special necklace for Reginald, in case he ever wants to evolve. Once he does, he destroys her room and breaks up with her, due to [[Chris and anger|uncontrollable rage.]]

===[[Sonichu_12#Episode_24.2C_Part_2:_The_Clip_Show:_Catching_Up|Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up]]===

Angelica attends Sonichu's and Rosechu's wedding. She helps comfort Rosechu when the tension is getting to her.

== [[Love Quest]] ==

Angelica went through the first eight ''Sonichu'' comics not showing any interest in any of the male characters, before finally shacking with [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Episode 19]] after he called her cute. Given that Reginald is basically a Chris stand-in, it's generally assumed by [[trolls]] that Chris would like his relationship to start in a similar manner: a girl throwing herself at him not in spite of the fact that he's pathetic, but because of it. As of [[Sonichu 11]], they appear to have broken up after Reginald went on a rampage during the night and trashed their room, then running off to have sex with [[Layla]] as Angelica is left to [[Women%27s_rights#In_the_comic|clean up his mess]]. With Punchy's break up with Layla, possibly Angelica and Punchy will get together?

==[[Rule 34]]==
Chris drew Rule 34 of Angelica, which he uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], hoping that it would encourage [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ''et al.'' to remove his article. Predictably, his plan backfired, resulting in an increased interest in him and his work.

The picture in question was originally included with the caption "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of [[God]]?!!", suggesting that Angelica has a penchant for masturbating in church.<ref>[[:File:AngelicainGod'sEyes.JPG]]</ref>

Angelica's struggle with sexual sin might be an insight into Chris's own struggle between his Christianity and his sexual desires. While Chris claims to be a Christian, he acts similarly to Angelica, maintaining a veneer of piousness yet living in a prison of [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], masturbation, pornography, and [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|complete submission to his sexuality]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Chris's attempt to show his congregation that these Satanic card games that tempt children these days can have good Christian characters too.
Image:271-Angelica.jpg|The power of prayer... it does nothing to relieve the crapfest.
Image:AngelicaSpreadsEm.jpg|While the nuns are kneeling demurely in devotion, Angelica splays her [[china]] wide open for [[GodJesus]].
Image:satanic angelica.jpg|Angelica after converting to Satanism in Issue 13.
File:Lego Angelica.jpg|[[LEGO]] Angelica.
File:Angelica 1.JPG|"Angelic Angelica," original work of art offered for sale on [[eBay]].
File:NewAngelicaA.jpg|Angelica [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Angelica Rosechu}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]][[Category:Characters]][[Category:Rosechus]]

File:Satanic angelica.jpg

2020-10-26T22:20:50Z

Semper phlog:

Cole Smithey

2020-10-16T22:51:11Z

Semper phlog: mentioned that chris did not remain a mute (if only), and this was the reason for him visiting cole

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine (2013–present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|label14 = Occupations
|data14 = Film critic Musician
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios".<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole believes his biological father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

Barb married Ran on 17 June 1961. They were legally separated on April 28, 1962.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/interesting-info-about-chriss-family-particularly-their-parents.27521/page-5#post-2009970</ref> She formally divorced him on 15 May 1963. Cole was born two months later.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/interesting-info-about-chriss-family-particularly-their-parents.27521/</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounts his coming to age. This includes a particular event where Barbara fires a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him. It is also suggested he collected comics as a hobby and was a big fan of Kiss.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College and took similar classes.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs". The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref> By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded", and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in ''Time'' magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', resulting in many Pixar fans crying out in disgust that a movie franchise that looked to be the only one with purely 100% ratings on RT was ruined by him and Armond White.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> (Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.)

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a wannabe pretentious hipster douchebag and the other being a retarded manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his Ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Billing himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World" (a title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>), Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that, ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years have been literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers ''Freddy Got Fingered'' (a film often considered to be either so-bad-it's-good or one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{Squote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondance with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="email" />

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So]</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders' rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda".<ref>[http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o]</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>[https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/]</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the Dimensional Merge happens.

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Cole claims Barbara lied about the identity of Cole's biological father. Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices.

===Reaction to Bob's death===
{{Quote|Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.|Cole Smithey, [[Cole Smithey E-mails|three years prior]].}}

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 9 [[September 2010]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] contacted Cole using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently actually quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, it's existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-cole-smithey-thread.84/post-10170 A Kiwi Farms member's account of the call.]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Tomgirl|sister]]".]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris was sent to visit Cole in California (1989), according to Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This is the only time Chris has been on an airplane,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he has been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year". However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have referred to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was around 2005 at a family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding.<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. In the same month, Chris tried to [[Twitter#29_June_2013|communicate with Cole]] on [[Twitter]], basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.''. "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out", he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with", Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head", Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment in Carnegie Hall.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> Even though renting an apartment near Carnegie Hall can easily cost twice as much, this lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. Cole was asking his fans to pledge to him on Patreon,<ref>[https://youtube.com/watch?v=2SqUJhND-mY]</ref> suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, in screencaps obtained from [[Night Star]] by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Chris would accidentally reveal the fact that he indeed tried to pledge to him but Cole had long since blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/night-star-delivers-christines-side-of-the-story.33062/</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.

===Offering Cole's stuff for sale===
{{see also|Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)|More of Cole’s Things for Sale}}

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018.

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was only referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole", assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied", and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-4-14-chris-makes-up-new-oc-to-spite-cole-smithey.55406/</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in 1994.
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

CWCFlyingElephants

2020-10-15T02:01:17Z

Semper phlog:

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|frame|This video, quite clearly indeed, shows Chris's horrendous man-ass.]]

"'''CWCFlyingElephants'''" is a seven-minute video made by [[Chris]], and published by [[The Miscreants]] on 27 [[April 2009]]. Chris made this "crazy nudie audition," as he dubbed it, for [[gal-pal]] [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. It shows Chris in his room, (mostly) naked, displaying a show of what he calls [[random-access humor]]. Chris runs, twirls, acts crazy and does handstands while [[nudes|completely in the nude]]. In addition, he [[parody|imitates]] lines from ''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd n Eddy|Ed, Edd, n Eddy]]'', quotes ''[[Monty Python]]'', plays with [[toys]], and throws around [[Li'l Chris]].

==Videos==
===Audio-Only Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Audio-Only)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x1C32vxJxOY}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

===Censored Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Censored)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eKrl7SA0Myo}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

===Uncensored Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWCFlyingElephants (Uncensored NSFW)
| video = {{#ev:archiveorg|CWCFlyingElephants}}
| stardate = 27 [[April 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Power]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris is standing in front of the camera wearing a bath robe. He briefly raises his eyebrows.'']

And now for [[Somecummpentydifferent|something completely different]]. [''removes his robe, revealing he is not wearing a shirt''] BUUUUNG! And now, [''in a deep voice''] it's...[''normal voice''] ''[[Monty Python]]'s Flying Elephants''! [''poorly imitates the series' theme song, "The Liberty Bell"'']

[''spoken frequently fast and high-pitched''] [[Johan]], why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away? Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Johan! Greeg! Johan! Johan! Why is people running away? I don't know, buddy Greeg. Johan! Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg. Johan, Johan, why is people running away? [''slaps himself on the side of the head''] SHUT UP! You're driving me crazy!

[''begins to let out muffled screams as he runs towards the door of his room, shaking the door knob as if it were locked. This also reveals the fact he is '''completely nude.''' He then pauses as he suddenly looks at something on the shelf.''] Hm! [''removes a magazine from the shelf''] [[Star Wars|It's a trap!]] [''throws the magazine on the table before he starts constipatedly screaming again. He runs towards the door again, but seems to injure himself against something on the wall, crouching down to the floor in pain immediately after.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris standing in front of the camera, still nude.''] And now for something cuppity different, a man impersonating [[South Park|Towelie the Towel]]. [''begins imitating''] Oh my goodness, [[Un-clit|My]] [[China|pussy]] [[Tomgirl Pictures|is wet]]! Don't forget to bring a towel! What? When your pussy is wet, and you don't want to lose a bet, you want to dry yourself up right away! [''mimics flossing a towel between his legs''] That's why Towelie says: [''raises a finger in the air''] don't forget to bring a towel! [[Yawning Squirtle|Wanna get high?]] NOOOOO! NOOO!

[''In his impersonation of the Gumbys''] I would like to meet someone of [[Autism|superior intelligence]]. I would like to hear the sound of two bricks being smashed together. I would like to see...ten million stupid monkeeeeys. I would like to see [[Chris and religion|John the Baptist]] impersonation of [[Wikipedia:Graham Hill|Graham Hill]]. Yes, it's historic impersonations!

[''Jump cut to Chris, still in the same situation.''] Full-frontal nudity? Yes, I'd do it. If it was valid. If the money was valid. I haven't had enough of the permissive society! I've heard of unisex, but I've never had it. [''slaps himself on the side of the head''] Shut up, you're driving me crazy! AAAAAAAAAGH! [''ducks below the camera's view'']

[''Jump cut to Chris kneeling on his bed, face against the blanket. He hits his face against it several times.''] I'm a woodpecker! [''resumes''] 'Cept with dirt!<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from the ''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd n Eddy|Ed, Edd n Eddy]]'' episode "[http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/stop-look-ed/episode/123292/summary.html Stop, Look and Ed]"</ref> [''Resumes hitting his face against the bed several more times before rolling off to the side.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris doing a headstand on his sofa, completely nude, giving a full view of his [[pickle]]. After he gets back to his feet, the camera jumps to Chris facing the door of his room. He rises up.'']

Get out of my head! [''yells while spinning in circles''] HLOO! [''falls to the ground. The camera slightly shakes.'']

[''Jump cut to Chris holding a Bumblebee toy.''] And now for something completely different. Bebelapdapbambalamba. Bebelabadapbambajamba-[[Transformers|Bumblebeeee]]! [''holds out the toy''] Buzzing around. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Really, [[Transformers|Prowl]]. [''holds up a Prowl toy in his other hand''] And how necessary is that side-car? Just so you can wear the helmet of your past mastaaaaaar?! [''Jump cut to Chris holding two different toys.''] Come here, [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]]. Lend me [[Wikipedia:Laserbeak|Laserbeak]]! [''pulls a piece of the toy off that looks like a guitar, and begins strumming it like it were a miniature instrument''] DIIII DIIII DIIII DIIII [[CWC More Than A Feeling|MORE THAN A FEELI-]]

[''jump cut to Chris without the toys'']

I like a nice dance, you're forced to! Otherwise...who said that? [''Starts twisting his head around.''] Who said that? Said that? Anywaaay. Who said that? There will now be a short intermission, during which small ice creams and large boxes will be served in the commissary. Another way to drive people away from the theater is to show a turfs-dispenser. Fzzzs. [''drops to the ground.''] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. [[White knight|Pearls before swine]] presents!

[''Jump cut to Chris standing with his arms spread.''] The like, do you like this model, or how about this model? I'll give you a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|karate-kick]] for your money. Hyaah! [''kicks at the camera''] I'll give you a punch, and a whiz-bang, and a boom! [''punches at the air several times''] All you got to do is come down here.

[''Jump cut to Chris doing his [[Donald Duck impersonation]]''] Oh my gosh, look at me! I'm naked! I forgot my [[Sailor Moon|sailor suit]], and my hat, and [[Duck|apparatus]]. I don't know, but I guess. [''reaches off screen and shows his clothing on camera''] Here's what I have to do. Here's my clothes. Bwaa. I went out of the cartoon.

[''Jump cut to Chris with a T-shirt wrapped around his face. He imitates [[South Park|Kenny]].''] Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Hmmph, rmmph. Excuse me, what did you say? Hmmph, rmmph.

[''Jump cut to Chris no longer wearing it.''] Hey [[South Park|Kenny]], you get out here, you take off that stupid little orange or blue jacket, or whatever the hell color it is you wear, and talk to people like you every real life, don't just mumble your words.

[''Cue another jump cut.''] Hey dude, that's not cool.

[''holding a can of Pepsi.''] Yep. Yep. Yep. Mm-hm. [''Imitating Hank Hill; jump cut to Chris taking a sip of Pepsi, then gasping. Jump cut to Chris without the Pepsi''] Product placement, eh--product placement in this program is hereby endorsed and provided by the studio, which is provided from the companies of which those products became, originated from, thereof. Another way we can drive people away from the studio is to act. Like. A. Loony!

[''Cue another jump cut.''] I once knew a man from Nantucket, he has on his head, a silly bucket. And now I have on my head, [''grabs a teddy bear''] a [[Li'l Chris|silly little bear]], I'm wearing [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|clean underwear]]. Wearing clean underwear like I just don't care. [''squeezes the bear's paw and it starts to speak'']

Wow, he just said what I said. I'm undecided! [''throws the bear and begins screaming and running around his room again. He lifts a chair, looks at the camera, then lowers it''] HNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! PFOOP! [''falls to the ground, shaking the camera. Jump cut to Chris' foot in the air, with a sock on.''] Hm, I guess he's done left the studio for now. Well, that's all folks. Du du du du du du du du. Du du du du du du du du. [[Pedofork|Pedi]] pedi di di. Plong. ['' other foot joins in''] LILILILILILILILI! Plonk.

[''Jump cut to Chris, standing up.''] Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Moola moola moola. He must be asking for a [[Monthly tugboat|handout]]. Indeed. And now it's the indeed show, starring [[Gilligan's Island|Mr. Thurston Howell III]]. Indeed. Indeed. [''The video used in this article ends with a cut to black, then a zoom-in on Chris's face while he makes a noise.'']

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Random-access humor]]
*[[Monty Python]]
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Nudes]]
*[[CWC 3D Voice Check]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/file/yo8nvtsjjpwlfqm/CWCFlyingElephants.mp4/file Uncensored version - Mediafire - Download Required] (NSFW, of course)

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Power]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]|}}

{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-27]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-04-27]]

Sweetheart

2020-10-15T00:03:54Z

Semper phlog: changed the placement of the link for the mia hamm page

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a hooker (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a grown man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games all day and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. As of [[2019]], this habit has been coming back to bite him in the ass harder than ever as the [[Financhu Crisis|Chandler finances sink into an all-time low]]. Refusing to take responsibility, he has [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's rights#In real life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children]], and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barbara Chandler#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and, if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow, his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]]).

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men]]. He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be unto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO'''. For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry).

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to almost never being employed and all that, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}