CWCki - User contributions [en]

Liquid Chris

2010-12-13T04:06:59Z

Shawnzie: /* External links */

{{Improve|massive reorganization|Expand the subtopics under the ''Liquid Saga'' for great justice. Add details and citations}}

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|If you look hard, you can see the TRUE, HONEST [[Sonichu medallion]].]]

'''Liquid Chris''' (born 24 [[February 1982]]) is the '''[[TRUE and HONEST]] Christian Weston Chandler''' (ORIGINAL IDENTITY - DO NOT STEAL) and creator of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], [[Sonichu]].

==Prologue==
[[File:Cwcc.png|thumb|left|Hope for a better [[CWCville]]]]
[[File:Original image.png|thumb|FALSE and DISHONEST]]

[[June 2009]] was a busy month for [[Christian]] (henceforth '''[[Metal Gear Solid|Solid Chris]]'''), with both highs and lows. Solid was getting out of the house more and knocking back some [[Chris's Big Night Out|Long Islands]] with a new group of acquaintances. He was given the reins to his shiny new [[CWCipedia]] and had his [[YouTube]] account "CChanSonichu" compromised. Yes, he was [[Rollin' and Trollin']] indeed.

{{quote|And I'm nowadays wearing a vest and improving my image.|Solid Chris, [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]}}

==Liquid Saga==
{{Protip|If you're going to call Chris "Ian", do so only in the context of this saga.}}

====A challenger appears====
[[Image:Torture.jpg|Liquid Chris torturing the imposter|thumb]]
:''See also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#Antebellum|Liquid's Antebellum Videos]]''

At the end of the month a new YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CChanSonichuCWC], appeared with a simple premise: that the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler (henceforth '''Liquid Chris''') was back online after a long absence, during which he lost his account to hackers, so all the weirdness on "CChanSonichu" was the work of hacking trolls, and he announced that he was ready to resume posting HONEST content on his new account. This new CWC posted four more videos, much of which were [[parodies]] of earlier videos by Solid Chris.

{{quote|How else would I get fan art, if I was not the original creator of Sonichu?|Liquid Chris, [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Update:_I_am_Still_the_Real_Christian_Weston_Chandler_Despite_LIES_AND_SLANDER._Also.2C_Some_Fan_Art|3 July 2009]]}}

Notably, Liquid Chris sported:
*A paper Sonichu medallion
*A striped shirt (brown)
*Pedo-glasses
*Obesity (by means of a stuffed shirt, later removed)
*Autism

which of course made him almost [[Chris and Reality|''indistinguishable'']] from Solid Chris! Solid himself made no comment, probably because he didn't notice the new videos among the chatter of all the other trolling. The alternative — that Solid just ignored them — is far too reasonable to consider.

====Ian Brandon Anderson====
:''Main article: [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]

What really cranked this up to eleven was a chain of events that started with Solid Chris getting his "CChanSonichu" channel back: First, Solid posted [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|a series of videos]] on 10 [[July 2009]] where he "called out" three trolls by their YouTube handles, and dropped their docs (well, dropped "supposed states of residence"). That resulted in the permanent banhammer for "CChanSonichu."

The next piece fell into place when he posted his [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video on his new YouTube account, "[[IBAChandler]]." When it hit [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], newfags everywhere momentarily lost control of their bowels, thinking they'd been trolled by a grand master. Trolls, however, did what trolls do best: they started riffing on it. Pretty quickly, YouTube comments popped up referring to Solid as "Ian Brandon Anderson." Such was the price of success for Solid's small drop of near win, in his sea of epic fail: he had delivered unto his enemies a weapon that they'd use for months.

Even then, the damage control from that episode alone would probably have kept him from noticing Liquid's videos. Until that is, Liquid raised the stakes in an attempt to get Solid's attention.

===CWCivil War begins===
[[Image:Honest-and-true.jpg|thumb|right|TRUTH and HONESTY established by the state of [[Virginia]]!!]]
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009#The CWCivil|Liquid's CWCivil War Videos]]''

The war began on 21 July, when Liquid uploaded a [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Now_Selling_the_OFFICIAL_and_ORIGINAL_SONICHU_Merchandise_of_CWC.2C_NO_FAKERIES_OR_IMPOSTORY|video]] that reeled Solid in, hook, line and sinker, having sold Sonichu Merchandise with [[Samantha Thaddeus]] at Otakon. A rebuttal was in order:

{{quotebox|DO NOT BUY from the Impostor, "[http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC CWCCChanSonichuCWC]". HE IS CRAPPY, and his Nasal Voice is JUST DOWNRIGHT AWFUL.

Also, if I wanted to buy PAPER, I'd go to [[Wal-Mart]] and buy 500 FULL 8.5 X 11 Sheets for about 5 dollars!

HIS CHURCH? HE MUST LIVE IN FRICKIN' OHIO with "[[Julie]]"; NEVER DRIVES GREATER THAN 7 Hours JUST TO EVEN VISIT [[Wesley Memorial]] in [[VIRGINIA]].

F*** HIM TO HELL!<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Solid also took time out from his busy schedule to post threats on Liquid's YouTube comments:

{{quotebox|'''The Final Showdown'''

Hey, DUMBASS! [[Chris and his ego|YOU WISH YOU WERE ME]]! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

[[14 Branchland Ct.]] [[Ruckersville]], VA
BEFORE August 2, 2009.
If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "[[Naive|NAIVE]]", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. 
Christopher Christian Weston Chandler<ref>[[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]</ref>}}

Even at this point, Solid Chris still may have let this all go, as he was simultaneously getting blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was holding his [[PSN]] account to ransom. But as that wound down, Liquid caught Solid's eye again, by picking up on the Ian Brandon Anderson meme:

{{quotebox|Hello, again, Loyal Fans,

It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON). Anyway, I am Working Very Hard on Sonichu 9 and Things may be Progressing Heavily with my new TRUE [[Gal-Pal]] [[Kacey]] and I. Also, Expect more Announcements of this Developing Caliber in the Future.

Stay True.

CWC<ref>[[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#Christian_Weston_Chandler.27s_EXCITING_ANNOUNCEMENT_of_SONICHU_and_Addressing_Things.| Christian Weston Chandler's EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT of SONICHU and Addressing Things.]]</ref>}}

==The battleground==

====More Than A Feeling====
[[Image:CWCvsIanGuitar.jpg|thumb|The REAL Chris is not only cute, he can play the guitar!]]
:''See Also: [[CWC More Than A Feeling]]''
:''See Also: [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_June-July_2009#More_Than_A_Feeling_THE_TRUE_VERSION_by_Christian_Weston_Chandler_.28CWC.29|More Than A Feeling THE TRUE VERSION by Christian Weston Chandler (CWC)]]
For whatever reason, Solid dug up an old video of himself failing at Guitar Hero and dumped it online. Liquid shot back with a TRUE and HONEST rendition on a real guitar.

====Spanish Challenge====
[[Image:Cestnepas.jpg|thumb|Ceci n'est pas une Chris]]
:''Main Article: [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''
More [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|video rage]] followed, before Solid attempted a cunning plan:

{{quote|También. Mi presente. Responde en español bueño. ¿Si no que bueño? Tu no eres el verdad. Tu eres el impostor.|Solid Chris, ''[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]''}}

The plan backfired when [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009#Liquid.27s_response|Liquid responded more fluently in Spanish, French, German, and Japanese]].

====SingStar Challenge====
[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|Only one clear choice, choosing the TRUE and HONEST Chris]]
{{Main|SingStar_Challenge}}

{{quote|Alright, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge.|Solid Chris, ''[[SingStar Challenge]]''}}

[[Fail|And then he shaved his goatee off. Dry. With a safety razor.]]

As expected, the contest went to Liquid and Solid was a sore loser about it. Liquid had a tally of 4 votes in favor, 2 against. He then took his leave from the competition, after announcing a number of personal coups:
*that he'd finally found a true sweetheart, [[Kacey]].
*that he'd landed a job as a Production Manager and Game Designer at [[Microsoft]] for a Sonichu game for all consoles.
*that Dark Horse Comics would be publishing his [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], making him even more filthy rich, with the opening of the CWCStore.

And finally, that he had decided to stop battling the Solid, and move out of his parents' house to live in Redmond, Seattle, to continue his happy, successful life.

===SHOWDOWN===
{{Main|SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE}}
{{Quote|You’re breaking my balls here.|Solid, ''[[SHOWDOWN]]''}}
On 9 [[August 2009]], Liquid called Solid up and confronted him over the slanderous lies he was telling on YouTube. Solid tried reason, and when that failed, he threatened to arrest Liquid for identity theft and involve Bob in this debacle.

{{quotebox|If you do not come clean right now, I am going to get my father in on this further, and you are going to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail, and you will not get to live the peaceful, happy life that Kacey and I would like [voice cracks] you to live because Kacey really cares for you MAN!<ref>[[SHOWDOWN]]</ref>}}

===I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.===

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|B6Q1yFXgdoQ}}
| Stardate = 14 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}} Music {{Galpals}} Kacey
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest. Also, More Updates on Sonichu and Going Places :)|Verdict: I (CWC) WIN the SingStar Contest. Also, More Updates on Sonichu and Going Places :)]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
}}

Of course, this sent Solid completely over the deep end. First, he raged:

{{quote|STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, EVERYTHING! STOP HIM! HE DESERVES NOTHING!|Solid Chris, ''[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]''}}

Then, he tried reason:

{{quotebox|The Singstar Challenge was NEVER to verify who was the real Christian Weston Chandler, because everyone on the [[internet]] knows that I am, he's the imposter. They should quit encouraging him. And I wish that he would stop his stupid damn dirty game. I don't know what the heck is wrong with his head. [his voice gets higher] He ain't right. He don't even let me get a word in edge-wise. He just keeps going on and on AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNN! Worse than my father!<ref>[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]</ref>}}

And as summer disappeared, so too did Liquid Chris: The apparent victim of foul play. Viewer discretion is advised, as the next video is disturbing.

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = GONE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RdshGz_Pvks}}
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Violence}} [[Death threats]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.|I, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia, Have Grown Up.]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#10152009|10152009]]
}}

Chris's sweetheart, [[Kacey]], was distraught over the event and posted a video confirming Chris's disappearance and announcing her withdrawal from their engagement.

===CWCivil War II: Kacey Boogaloo===
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to Boyfriends.]]
{{Main|Kacey}}
Liquid Chris reappeared on 15 [[October 2009]] with a new video explaining the trials and tribulations of the past few months, and igniting a heated love triangle with Solid for Kacey's affections.

In the [[Greetings to Kacey's folks|video]] addressed to Kacey's parents, Solid called him "'''the previous Chris'''". In a [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|desperate video for Kacey]], Solid called him the "'''other Chris'''" repeatedly.

When the dust had settled, Solid had [[Father Call|offended Kacey's father]] and, through his immaturity, pushed Kacey back into the loving arms of the Real Chris.
{{clear}}

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = 10152009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Tn7WNTxCDck}}
| Stardate = 15 October 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Homos}} Homos {{Rumors}} Rumours
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|GONE]]
| next = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.|THIS will NOT STAND, you HOMO JERK. FROM: the True C.W.C with Birth Name Christopher.]]
}}

===Epilogue===

Liquid Chris is now married to his beloved heartsweet, [[Kacey]]. As the one TRUE and HONEST creator of Sonichu, his artwork and comics are extremely popular and he often attracts many beautiful [[boyfriend-free]] females with his medallions and his [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar of Win]].

Liquid makes mad [[Clyde Cash|cash]] by selling said medallions at Otakon and other [[anime]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|conventions]] while voicing Solid in ''[[Fan:Sonichu: The Animated Series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]''. He has also made several hundred thousand dollars from his two critically acclaimed games, ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' and ''Sonichu: The Crystal Chronicles'' for the [[Nintendo]] DS and [[Xbox]] 360, respectively.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V1gEjtmm9M</ref>

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = Sonichu's Copyright Proof and Thank You Kacey's Father
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AQKzqnatMXw}}
| Stardate = 06 November 2009
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Comics}} Comics
| Shirt = [[Image:Brownstripeshirt.png]] Brown
| previous = [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey|My Half of A Whole New World For Kacey]]
| next = [[Sonichu_Special_4|Conspiracy to ATTEMPT MURDER AGAIN from Ian Brandon Anderson (his Comic Pages)]]
}}
'''VIDEO DESCRIPTION:'''
{{quotebox|Kacey, you Know who is Right, in Your Heart.

Signed,

"Christopher" Christian Weston Chandler (C.W.C)}}

==Irony==
[[Image:LiquidChrisBelieveInMe.jpg|thumb|BELIEVE]]
IBAChandler has mocked Liquid on several points:

* [[Speech Impediment|His nasal tone]].
* [[Chris and fashion|His brown striped shirt]].
* [[Chris and Money|Actually making money off Sonichu]].
* [[Fat|His appearance]].

It's a bad sign when one is fighting a mirror, and the mirror is winning.

In early August 2009<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009]]</ref>, Solid began to believe that Liquid couldn't be the real Chris because only the real Christian Weston Chandler is a [[retard]] who is the laughing stock of the Internet. Therefore, the fact that Liquid isn't trolled and doesn't do dumb shit suggests that he isn't the real Chris. Of course, previously mentioned theories seem to disprove this assertion.
[[File:Liquidd.jpg|thumb|right|Ian acts as the real Chris, in [[100 2270]].]]
In a further fit of irony, Ian ended up impersonating Liquid in a bizarre attempt to woo Liquid's girlfriend, [[Kacey]].

And in a last irony, Ian impersonated Chris who was impersonating him impersonating ... or something ... in [[100 2270]].
{{clear}}

== In the comic ==
[[Image:TrueAndHonestCWCArt.jpg|The imposter [[Chris]] stole his famous lecture to the [[Jerkops]] from the real Chris.|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|Go, [[IBAChandler]], and copycatly sieze [sic] to the extreme!]]

On 17 [[November 2009]] the TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris-chan made his very first appearance in Ian's [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Ian, being the slanderous troll that he is, had the nerve to imply that Liquid's name was, in fact, Ian Brandon Anderson, and once again tried to convince everyone that he, Solid was the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of Sonichu.

Of course, since the comic is made by the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler, he would obviously cast the impostor in the comic and call him by his real name. Chris shows much more restraint for Ian than was shown to him in [[Sonichu Special 4]].

Chris planned a future plot where [[Giovanni]] captured [[Rosechu]] and forced Chris to cede control over [[CWCville]] to the browned-striped impostor.<ref>[[CWC Blog#20 November 2009]]</ref>
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Not TRUE AND ORIGINAL
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight - part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ayObshLZQwI}}
| Stardate = 2 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight - part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s1SBdwZDN1k}}
| Stardate = 4 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Final Fight - part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dYrgl-otclY}}
| Stardate = 6 XI 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Christian Weston Chandler... Yep, I'm On Hexbawks. :)]]
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XhENYYmGAeA}}
| Stardate = 25 [[January 2010]]
| Maker = BobbyHillify
| Subject =
| Video Type = Trailer for the upcoming [[Xbox]] game
}}
}}

==See also==
*[[Solid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
*[[Jimmy Hill]]

==References==
<references/>

== External links ==
*[http://www.youtube.com/cchansonichucwc CChanSonichuCWC YouTube account]
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/The_Real_Chris_Chan The Real Chris Chan] on [[ED]]
*<s>[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Christian_Weston_Chandler Christian Weston Chandler]</s> on [[Asperpedia]] - DEAD
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/SimplySpoons#p/u/37/uTVp0BtG3Ww The True, Honest Account of Liquid and his Twin Brother]

 {{SingStarChallenge}}
{{Template:The_Cwcivil_War_of_2009}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chris, Liquid}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Chris and money

2010-12-12T00:41:46Z

Shawnzie: /* Best Buy Mastercard */

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' [[PS3]] game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $809 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref>; this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after [[Bob]] paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month - more commonly known as "food stamps."{{cite}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, [[Chris_and_His_Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] has been encouraging his son to remain unemployed, since he believes that Chris will earn more money from his monthly tugboat than from getting a job. However, this assumption is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: $15,100 annually. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more [[sex toys]] and [[video games]]. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents; it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either delusion or knowing that his son is a [[fail]]ure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his [[Barb|coddling]] [[Bob|parents]] are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they have managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and [[sex toys|useless stuff]], as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that his [[target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit, he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since [[Wikipedia:Sales tax|sales tax]] goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for [[Chris]]'s [[autistic]] mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle [[money]], Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails_2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, [[Bob Chandler]] had had to step in, forcing Chris to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the [[monthly tugboat]] in compensation. This act of parental scapegoating could have potentially cleared Chris's future to be free of bad credit and crushing debt, had he not already acquired another credit card...

=== Best Buy Mastercard ===

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claims that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continues that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris' credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seems to use this damning information to try to make Chris' latest brush with the [[law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that [[Best Buy]] had foolishly given him; he mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there; and then he blamed his debt on [[trolls]], in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

One of Chris's [[Jackie_E-mails_7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission: he only told them about it after receiving two bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to pay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. Chris now receives only an allowance in the form of [[Visa]] gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt. The prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie_E-mails_8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with [[Jackie]], Chris claims that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to [[Bob|his father]] were the work of [[troll]]s. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he's just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes.

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, a la [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]], and states, let alone cities, while having considerable power, cannot print their own money. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states used to issue their own money - when they were colonies, and during hard times like the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating eduacation|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping.
== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, à-la the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out]].

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]

HEXBox

2010-12-12T00:24:29Z

Shawnzie: /* In the comics */

[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]

[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[Image:LegoHexBawxController.jpg|thumb|What a CWC lego HEXBox controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of [[autistic|artistic]] talent.]]

'''HEXBox''' or '''HEX-Box''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the [[Wikipedia:Xbox 360|Xbox 360]] game console, which [[Chris]] hated.

Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON HEXBox.

Judging from his [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay sales]], Chris may have owned an original [[Wikipedia:Xbox|Xbox]] at one point, making his hatred of the HEXBox extremely [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]]. It should be also noted that, unlike the [[The_MovingFoward_videos|PS3]], Chris has (probably) never destroyed an Xbox.

{{clear}}

==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
{{incomplete}}

In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
 12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
 12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
 12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
 12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>

While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only love]], Chris failed to tell what he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox (and failed basic geometry, but that was perfectly understandable in the, ahem, heat of the moment):

: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''

He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].}}

Actually, you can get a free version of Xbox Live, known as Xbox Silver, that lets you download demos and add-ons without subscribing. You can also upgrade your account to the Gold version, which costs a little under sixty<ref>http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20015064-1.html</ref> dollars a year if you pay for a year instead of one month at a time. Considering Chris's [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]], this price is little to nothing. Chris has already accrued thousands of dollars of debt through his many other video game-related purchases; this obviously raises the question of why a relatively small payment of $60/year is out of Chris's reach, especially with the weekly discounts that are available to Gold members. Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is a philanthropist and donates to government programs, [[monthly tugboat|thus putting more money right back into Chris's pocket.]]

Furthermore, it's not like Chris is actually active in the online multiplayer world of PS3. The most he does is play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' while the rest of his games collect dust on the shelf. He has been online on ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', but the amount of ragequiting doesn't exactly paint a picture of someone who ''enjoys'' online competition.

Chris has also spent over $50 on individual issues and subscription of [[Wikipedia:Qore (PlayStation Network)|Qore]], a video magazine whose subscribers get early access to PSN content, not entirely unlike Live Gold. (Incidentally, the Inside Xbox team also publishes videos, which are available through Xbox Live for ''free'', and are also published on official YouTube channels - that's right, you don't need to even own an Xbox 360 to view them!) He's also likely unaware that PSN is coming up with a paid subscription service similar to Xbox Live's pay model for what Sony calls "premium content and services."<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> Chris may need to go out and buy more [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|briefs to dirty and crap]] when that happens. Chris is too preoccupied with the "console wars" mindset and believes that PS3 ''will'' win the console war.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]][[Image:TrophyUnlocked.jpg|thumb|Trophy informing reader they can now play their "PLAYSTATION 3 OR NINTENDO Wii IN PEACE". Ironically, this is a HEXBox style notice.]]

The HEXBox 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of ''Sonichu'' #8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through this despised console while traveling past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a Playstation Trophy award for ''killing that HEX-BOX''. Why the 4-cent_garbage.com building would devote an entire floor to one HEXBox with an axe in it is never addressed.

Christian draws a '''red''' "[[wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller — which he appears to hold upside down (actually, Chris is just deathly stupid when it comes to perspective in [[Chris and art|art]]) — and a pirated copy of ''LittleBigPlanet''; Chris thinks pirates would be somehow motivated to undertake such humongous tasks as porting a game on a platform that's about as different from PS3 as you can possibly get, without access to the game's source code. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters the Xbox, ''deletes fucking everything'' about Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.

Microsoft is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

==HEXBox hatred in public==

In August 2010, a noble field agent spotted Chris in a GameStop shop at his [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|local mall]]. Chris was seen muttering to himself and kicking a stall full of XBox 360 games, which couldn't have endeared him to the staff very much at all. The full quote is reproduced below.

{{quote|He was checking out the [[PS3|PS Triple]] section the majority of the time. I happened to look over my shoulder at one point and there he was, bent over with his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|tighty whities]] pulled up too far on his body, [[obesity|his shirt coming up rather far over his back]]. What he was bent over for, I have no idea. I turned back to what I was looking at and he was [[stress sigh|sighing]] periodically over who knows what. Then I heard, "kick da hex-box...[[Kick_the_autistic|kick da hex-box]]...kick da hex-box..." I had to look. He was kicking a row of X-Box games while saying it. It wasn't hard enough to knock things over, but still...what the fuuuuuck? The employee gave him a glance but didn't say anything. I'm assuming he does this on a regular basis that they just ignore him. Now that I think back on it, he was probably sighing because the PS Triple section is right next to the X-Box section and he was getting stuh-ressed that the games were touching. He left shortly after that so I was able to look at the vidya with no further disturbances.}}

==Change of heart?==

In a [[XBox is OK.MOV|video]] uploaded [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. It is unknown why he did this, but it was probably to impress his latest sweetheart, [[Jackie]].

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chaotic Combo

2010-12-11T19:46:21Z

Shawnzie: /* Wild */

[[Image:ChaoticComboLogo.jpg|thumb|right|That's right, he's given them a logo. You know, in case he gets a call asking for a merchandising deal.]]
[[File:Sonicu Guys by TokiKoKawaii.jpg|thumb|The chaotic combo are STRAIGHT!]]
The '''Chaotic Combo''' is a team of Sonichu recolors with varying amounts of personality (ranging from one-dimensional to slightly more than one-dimensional) and screen-time. The Chaotic Combo first appeared in [[Sonichu 0]] on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_10 Page 10]. The name was ripped off from Team Chaotix, first appearing in the game ''[[Wikipedia:Knuckles' Chaotix|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''.

==Backstory==

The Chaotic Combo were created at the same moment [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were made. When the rainbow flew out of Sonic and Pikachu and hit the Girl Raichu, some eggs flew out of the rainbow for no reason at all and landed in a variety of locations (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|the past]], so Chris won't feel like such a paedophile for drawing porn of them). These hatched into <s>adorable</s> fucking annoying [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]]s and [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Rosey]]s that were then raised by nearby Pokémon.

==Members==
<table cellpadding="7">

<tr><td>
[[Image:wild-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Wild]]===
Wild was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]] and a [[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]. The Scyther, his father, and the Venusaur, his mother, taught him the skills necessary to survive in the jungle. He can swing through jungles and turn invisible. He attacks with razor leaves and vine whips. He is a confident, outgoing and courageous character, although he still has trouble talking to girls because otherwise Chris couldn't relate to him. He then gets in a forced relationship with a [[Simonla|stolen character]] and [[Sandy|spawns]] with her. Wild is Grass/Electric, a combination that does not exist in any Pokemon game, unless you count [[wikipedia:Rotom#Rotom|Mow Rotom]].
 
'' "Green electric/grass hedgehog Pokemon. 2nd in command of the Chaotic Combo. He was raised by a Venusaur, and has a perfect Razor Leaf attack (with a dash of lightning)."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:bubbles-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Bubbles]]===
Bubbles was raised by a [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]. She has no personality whatsoever, other than being a total whore and being shown to get her rocks off by being electrocuted or hit with 'Psychic Needles'. Her powers include control over water and the ability to bitch slap her enemies. Farts around with [[Blake]]. Apparently, she can create tidal waves, which are normally caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or meteorite impact, but either way, kill thousands of people. Bubbles is Water/Electric.
 
''"Blue electric/water hedgehog Pokemon. Optimistic and full of energy, when she feels happy, she will tell everyone. She was raised by a mother Swampert who taught her how to create tidal waves."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:punchy-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Punchy]]===
How Chris views all [[Chris and race|Asian people]].
Slanty-eyed self-proclaimed "strike ninja" who had his tail ripped off in a matter of seconds by [[Mypoe]] seconds after crash landing into [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#G.D.W._Shinabe|G.D.W. Shinabe]]'s dojo. Having his tail promptly removed, this somehow caused the [[Sonee#Sonee_.26_Rosey|Sonee]] to evolve into Punchy, which made him a martial arts expert. Punchy then used a sky uppercut to launch [[Mypoe]] into the stratosphere. For some reason, her dad didn't give a shit. Supposedly, Punchy is full of "[[Random-access humor|Random Access Humor]]", except he doesn't really show up in the comic a lot, and when he does, he isn't funny. Punchy attacks with punches; gee, who would've thought? Punchy is Fighting/Electric, another type combo that doesn't exist in the actual game.
 
''"Red electric/fighting hedgehog Pokemon. Punchy is very strong and full of random weird humor. He lost his tail in a fight. He was raised in a dojo in Japan."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:angelica-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>

===[[Angelica]]===
Raised by nuns. Uses her magic powers to grow flowers with such messages as "HOPE" and "PEACE & LOVE". Only has slightly more personality than Bubbles. Uses words like "pray" and "Lord" randomly to show that she is religious or something, although this doesn't stop her from being a promiscuous hoebag and apparently [[Mass Debating]] in church. Angelica doesn't fight very often but she apparently she can use ''wing attacks'' and ''whirlwinds'' or some shit. Angelica is Flying/Electric, and as such, has Angel Wings.
 
''"White electric/flying hedgehog Pokemon. She usually remains peaceful and calm, and she prays every night. Angelica was raised in a church by some nuns."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>

<tr><td>
[[Image:magichan-icon.jpg|right]]
</td>
<td>
===[[Magi-Chan]]===
Probably the most interesting of the bunch, Magi-chan is a supposedly very intelligent Sonichu recolor who had psychic powers and can travel through time and stuff. Indeed, Magi-chan's amazing powers are so powerful and amazing that he can instantly fix all of the plot holes by powers of mind alone! This has given him the nickname as '''Deus ex machina chu'''. Raised by [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]], who communicated with him telepathically after he hatched. Known for being very, very gay. The only member of the Chaotic Combo, and probably one of the few Sonichus altogether, that bothers wearing clothing, even if it's just a vest. Magi-chan is Psychic/Electric, a ''third'' combination that doesn't exist in the game. Wow, he came up with three original Pokémon type mixes. What a superstar.
 
''"Purple electric/psychic hedgehog Pokemon. He has telekinetic powers, and he can bend anything with his mind."'' <ref>''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2, http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm</ref>
</td></tr>
</table>

==See also==
*[[Chaotic_Combo_(Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo, as told in Asperchu]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]

Get-Tar Region

2010-12-11T06:00:27Z

Shawnzie: /* Target Incident according to Chris */

{{quotebox|"July 20, 2005: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was [[Virgin with rage|NOT]]! I was there [[Love Quest|hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl]], like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly [[Stress|annoyed]] and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|ready to strike back on them]]. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|prepared speech]] to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|pants]], and [[Kick the autistic|pinned me to the floor]]. Five Jerkops [[Patti Chandler|dog]]-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[Pickles|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a [[Semen|cut-off for my Breathing Flow]]. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the [[Homos|victim]], but I was [[Fangs|angry]] at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to [[Chris and the Law|court]] on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the [[Sex toys|handcuffs]] on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The Charlottesville branch of Target]]

The above was basically [[Chris]]'s personal [[9/11]]. Planes into buildings? That's nothing. He got ''handcuffed''. On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-mind]].

==Target Incident according to Chris==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming the Target the '''Get-Tar Region''' (which causes many newfags to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using the [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with their soda, drawing his shit [[comic]]s, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl now. Especially since this Love Quest has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, Sonichu #4, 5 years ago}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being an [[autistic]] [[virgin]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he essentially writes [[Barbara|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "[[Attraction Sign|Soliciting]]", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the jerkops, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound sausage in Chris
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
Image: chris.jpg|IT'S HOG TIME!!!
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Sonichu (game)

2010-12-10T04:33:21Z

Shawnzie: /* Chris's game proposals */

[[Image:Sonichu on Game Boy Advance.jpg|thumb|It was supposed to come out on GBA. Guess what? For some reason, it didn't. Also notice the spelling mistake in 'Advance' that was poorly corrected. Honor roll, my ass.]]

The prospect of creating an official '''''Sonichu''''' video game is one of Chris's long-lasting [[Chris and reality|delusions]]. Being the total fucktard he is, he wants [[Nintendo]] and [[Sega]] (and possibly [[Sony]]) to team up and create this game starring his [[Sonichu (character)|shitty excuse for a character]]. But, as in many other areas, Chris is not very loyal to anyone, and, because of this, he is almost as easily tricked by [[trolls]] pretending to be game developers as he is by trolls pretending to be girls.

== Chris's game proposals ==
[[Image:AdultChroniclesAd.jpg|thumb|To encourage a developer to pick up the game, Chris made his own ad to decrease production costs.]]
Unfortunately for people who want to make sense of the whole mess, Chris is extremely vague about what he envisions his ideal games to be. He seems to come up with different game ideas and names, without really bothering to make them too different from each other. The game ideas seem to come and go based on the systems Chris has owned and used at the time, and he seems to be perfectly willing to let the <s>trolls</s> highly competent game designers to take full charge of every aspect of naming and design these games, as long as his vague parameters are followed.

Chris has been very quiet about any sort of a concrete plans for what the games should be like gameplay-wise, and has only stated what characters he envisions the games should have, what sort of "adventures" he envisions the characters should have, and how those characters could possibly tie into level designs. According to the [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009 video]], Chris only has the "story arcs" of the games in his head and on paper:

{{quotebox|I got so many more story arcs in there than meets the eye, yes- I mean multiple character switches and I have all the story plots, I'm- I have all the story plots in my head, and ON PAPER. On paper. Including like, you know, "Hey, whatever happened to [[Wild Sonichu]]'s scyther(?) father?" He gets kidnapped a long time ago. You know? He gets kidnapped. And then [[Sonichu]] actually- and then Wild Sonichu actually goes and find him. And [[Bubbles]] is on her way to an amusement park. W-, uh... [[Angelica]] goes and defend her new church. [[Punchy]] is out for a new challenge, and [[Magi-chan]], [[Homos|I'm not sure about him yet]]. And [[Sonichu]] is out for- is out to- he's accept- he's accepted the challenge from [[Metal Sonichu]].}}

Chris hasn't, however, stated some ''very basic'' gameplay details, such as the supposed ''genres'' of the games; ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is easy to figure out, but the rest are anyone's guess. He is possibly picturing the games as some sort of a continuation of the 3D Sonic game series, with Chris scoffing at the idea of the games being in 2-D (and offering no information beyond that). All this is highly alarming, because even the most clueless fangame designers can usually get ''this'' much done. Chris spends much more time pitching the game idea itself (which basically just boils down to "make these games for me", and little else), the characters (which are 100% his and no one else's, and even Nintendo needs a permission from him), and ideas concerning his personal involvement (making advertisements, and offering to act as a voice actor).

Aside of nebulous ideas about his dream Sonichu game, Chris has also proposed several different game ideas:

*''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' (GameCube, Game Boy Advance)
*''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' (Game Boy Advance)
*''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' (Game Boy Advance)
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' (Wii, PS2 and [[PS3]] — but '''never''' on [[HEXBox]]'')

Ironically, Chris's dream of a Sonichu game, at least based on [[Miyamoto saga]] is that his Sonichu game isn't even really about Sonichu but rather pushing for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', where Sonichu and Rosechu are minor characters with the main focus on Chris [[Autism|struggling to adjust to adult life]].

The Sonichu game was planned to be released on all consoles except the [[HEXBox|HEXBox 360]], due to Chris's pathological Sony-fanboyism and/or his unwillingness to spend his [[monthly tugboat]] on an online connection rather than games. Chris is also hoping the games to be developed on both PlayStation 2 and PlayStation 3, in spite of the fact that PlayStation 2 has been put on the back-burner as far as most developers are concerned.

=== Plans for game add-ons ===

Transcending history and the world, a tale of [[jerkops]] and [[troll]]s, eternally retold:

*In ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ad, Chris promised CWC and Sonichu-related content for ''[[Soul Calibur|Soul Calibur IV]]''. The plan fell through because most players didn't want to get fiercely entangled in the Sonichu medallion chains.
*Over the [[Miyamoto Saga]], the trolls convinced Chris that ''[[Animal Crossing|Animal Crossing: City Folk]]'' would get Sonichu and Rosechu as villagers.

=== Chris's own game development projects ===

Chris has chosen ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' as his own Sonichu game development platform of choice. So far, this has produced a lot of very jawdropping brand of failure.

=== Why all this is futile ===

:''See also [[Chris and the industry]].''

Plain and simple, none of the media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this. While companies do market research and figure out whether the time is ripe for games, they rarely take direct input from gamers on what kind of games they should publish. There are time constraints; a publisher would need to deal with a huge volume of ideas, all of which would need all due consideration. There are legal constraints; if a company rejects the idea, they have to agree to never implement a similar idea even if they came up with it on their own, or the dejected fan might sue them for idea theft. Ideas also take considerable time and energy to be actually implemented. Finally, Chris is in no position to make demands to Nintendo and Sega, since it is, ultimately, ''they'' who hold the copyrights to Pikachu and Sonic.

== The collision of Chris, Loyal Fans and would-be game developers ==

=== Chris's plea to his fans (mid-2008) ===
In mid-[[2008]], trying to cash in on what he believes to be a massive [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|fanbase]] (in actuality, [[trolls]] pretending to be fans), Chris implores his fans to be his personal army and beg Nintendo, Sega and Sony to make his game (because they've probably stopped responding to Chris even with form letters).

{{quotebox|With the Sonichu Fanbase growing wildly with lots of energtic Hype, I am ready to take Sonichu and my world of [[Cwcville]] back to Nintendo of America and SEGA of America. And upon the unity in business between Nintendo, the company who provided me with my second gaming system, the Game Boy, after my very first Commodore 64 computer, SEGA, the company who introduced Sonic the Hedgehog as not only my Life-Long Hero, after [[the American Rabbit]], but as the True Role Model Icon I am proud to have learned some of my attitudes and beliefs from since [[1991]], and myself, Christian Weston Chandler, we will make Sonichu and Rosechu and their world being more Real than I was able to make them by myself with pen and markers in hand, and a vasly-knowledgeable imagination

You won't be able to truly say you've "Caught Them All", until you've caught the Original Sonichu and Rosechu in a CWC Approved Nintendo/Sega [[Pok'emon Lightning Version]] on GBA and DS to catch a great share of the other currently avilable Four Hundred and Ninty-Three Pok'emon.

Think you know the ins and outs of Sonichu and Rosechu, wait until Season Two of [[Sonichu (comic)|the Comic Book Series]], likely to start within the year 2009. I will withdraw myself from being as intrusive in the series as I have been so far; I've been selfish, and I'm tired of drawing myself so much. See how I take my leave of Cwcville in the Season Finale, to hopefully be uploaded and on the Sonichu Site 4th Quarter, [[2008]] or 1st Quarter, [[2009]]

And because I've been hogging the spotlight, you don't know Sonichu and Rosechu as you properly should. In the first CWC Approved Release of the "[[Sonichu Adventure|Sonichu's Adventure]]" video game, with Nintendo and SEGA's help, on Nintendo Wii (although it was intended originally for Gamecube), with compatibility with the Wii Classic Controler as well as Gamecube Contoller, with rumble functionality hopefully. Sonichu is more than Lightning and Lightning-Speed, and Rosechu is more than delightful Bolts and Heart-Felt for Sonichu. Play on, as they rescue each other from the darkest evil that has manifested itself within some recycled nuts and bolts on [[the moon]]. And what a storyline it will have, based mostly from the comics with the duo and the [[Chaotic Combo]] as well.

And I HAVE the idea for the Video Game for myself, if I can swing that with SEGA as well, an epic tale of my tragic Adult Life straight from my tortured heart and soul. I will bring the pain to the [[Jerkops]], I will kick [[Mary Lee Walsh]] into her cauldron to burn, as well as the other villians. And I will have support from [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|my Electric-Hedgehogs]], [[Barb|my mother]] and [[Bob|father,]] my Closest [[Gal-Pals]] who I've grown to love; [[Megan|Megan Schroeder]] and [[Anna McLerran]] to name a couple, sparingly in the game. And I will square-off in the TRULY SELF-EPIC Battle between me, and [[Reldnahc|my Dark Half]]. I plan to have THIS GAME ALONE go Multi-Console between Nintendo Wii, Playstation 2 and Playstation 3 (with downloadable content); screw the [[HEX-Box]].

And All This CAN come to Fruition... with YOUR HELP!

The populace of Sonichu, Rosechu and Christian Chandler fans. All I ask for in minimum, is to contact Nintendo of America AND SEGA of America by way of POSTING in their respective FORUMS, sending them E-Mails, and, HIGHLY Recommended, Hand-Written Letters to BOTH Companies, that You Want Sonichu, and that they should get in touch with me, Christian Weston Chandler, via Telephone, Snail-Mail, or In Person; I will NOT accept E-Mail, because apparently [[Miyamoto Saga|THAT CAN be Faked]].. Both Companies have my information in their computers, as I have written to them a number of times in my lifetime.

Who do you want to catch?

[[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]!

Who's the Underdog Director you've grown to know?

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]!

When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?

NOW!!!}}
=== JK Productions (August 2008) ===

{{main|JK Productions}}

In [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 28th, 2008]] Chris describes what he envisions for the upcoming [[Sonichu]] game being developed by [[JK Productions]].

=== Miyamoto Saga (January 2009) ===

{{main|Miyamoto Saga}}

In the beginning of [[2009]], Chris thought he was in talks with Nintendo about releasing the game on the Sony platform. He was, however, being trolled.

Of particular interest here (from the game design point of view, as well as deciphering Chris's intentions) was [[The Sonichu Chronicles|the PowerPoint presentation]] he made. Yet, even ''this'' presentation will disappoint most people greatly: ''one'' slide that maybe even dares to mention the topic of the discussion at hand - to wit, the Sonichu games.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:CWConPS3.jpg
Image:CWConPS2.jpg
Image:CWConWii.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
==Sauces==
<references/>
==See also==
*[[JK Productions]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]
{{Sonichu Games}}
[[Category:Sonichu]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Chris and English

2010-12-08T04:54:57Z

Shawnzie: /* Spoken language */

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]
[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This might be due to the fact that he spends more and more time in isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]." He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[navy]] isn't a sea-based military force and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like "da," Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]," "[[niggos]]" and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech Impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form what you might call [[Wikipedia:Logorrhea|logorrhea]], literally "word flux." Basically, it's verbal diarrhea: a constant stream of almost-words. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best, especially since his vocabulary is profoundly lacking in the first place.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and Reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instance." Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — [[Creepy stare|creepy]].

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly how self-centered he is. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse,"<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between." (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''"'s scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He regularly misspells words that should be easy to spell, such as "mies" ([[Sonichu 0|miles]]) and "dood" ([[Sonichu 7|good]]). He seems to have trouble with switching "eni"s for "ein"s, as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|Anchuent]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a mistake due to the fact that "u" is right next to "i" on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump", most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
*Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
*Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
*Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
*Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====

Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it".

For a more blatant example, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Advertising==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris has a penchant for adopting a speaking style found in advertisements. This usually happens when Chris mentions a product such as [[Anti Troll Movement Video1|Oil of Olay]] and [[HairDifference|Axe shampoo]]. Chris has attempted to do some real promotion before with the [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]].

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical.

===Muddled-up proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar, is fucking nuts."

===Literal interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff…candy…don't…I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's father:''' Don't… don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm; this is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments.

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the inferred meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag 2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no." Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again". Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now" and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts."<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|Sonichu Quiz 2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag 51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. ''"For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic'']."''</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue 3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now", rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[Autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, but that's really not saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uhh," "hmmm," and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also tends to stutter and repeat himself.

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|Brutal Legend]] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is trying to be funny.

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit]].}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|Smell Yo Duck]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash",<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch.") Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[Audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
*[[Speech Impediment]]
*[[Chris's resume]]
*[[The High School Story]]
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[Spanish]]
*Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and reality

2010-12-08T04:43:21Z

Shawnzie: /* Chris and magic */

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s reasonable response to the above.}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. Quite a bit of his sketchy world-view can be attributed to his [[autism]], as people with autism generally have troubles with distinguishing reality and fantasy, and therefore have a harder time with being critical towards and distancing themselves from events and ideas depicted in any fictional media, be it books, films, cartoons or video games. Because of these difficulties, autistics are also easier to manipulate and deceive, especially by sources they trust, like [[Bob|their]] [[Barb|parents]] and the [[TV]], and are as a result very impressionable when it comes to commercials and [[100 2178|conspiracy theories]].

However, it is not completely out of left field to assume that a lot of Chris's problems with accepting reality stem from his tendency to deny facts and quickly retreat into his realm of fantasy. He does that to avoid [[stress]] when faced with the realization that he has been defeated, cheated or outwitted, as these instances are usually a result of his own stupidity or stubbornness, flaws which Chris will never admit to possessing.

==Fantasy and fiction==
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its Mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
Chris believes that CWCville, as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'']] as a model. Chris considers anyone who does not accept this thinking "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> Chris has claimed to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE." <ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea. Chris's main reason for defending this belief probably stems from having accomplished and produced virtually nothing worthwhile in his life, and he therefore likes to pretend that he has made a positive impact on something, if only on a metaphysical level.

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be their father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. This is how various events (both major and minor) such as Sonichu and Rosechu's wedding, the birth of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu Page on CWCipedia</ref> [[Kel]]'s romance with [[Naitsirhc]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc ibid.</ref> and even [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]]'s wedding<ref>I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.286:02_to_9:34.29 I Am The TRUE, ORIGINAL CCWC</ref> are said to actually happen "off-screen", instead of just being a [[Chris and Writing|spur-of-the-moment introduction of a throwaway plot element]] that Chris is [[stress|too lazy to depict]]. Without prior explanation, Chris makes a "spoiler" in his own comic that [[Magi-Chan]] will eventually get together with [[Silvana]], implying that in Chris's head that this already "happened".<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_37 Issue 10 Page 37</ref> It is [[Slaweel Ryam]], not Chris, who apologizes for slandering [[Mary Lee Walsh]].<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>

Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville is canon, and feels it necessary to explain away undesirable changes to CWCville made as a result of outside influences (e.g. [[BILLY MAYS]] as Mayor). The fact that he needs to explain this in his comic pages shows that he assumes everyone else shares this belief as well. Despite being protective of his own work, he [[Chris and hypocrisy|forces others]] to accept the "corrections" he has made to their work.

==Real Life==
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor, such his exaggeration of a [[11042009 51 50|12-pack of canned lemonade for 50 lbs]]. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], which is common with [[autism]], where the sufferer has no comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. But this tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth.

When asked by [[Evan]] to remove [[Simonla]] from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character [[Simonchu]] and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with Asperger's syndrome "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," Chris sees accepting the truth to the contrary as "conform[ing] to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he talks about his status as the Cwcville [[Pokémon]] gym leader, then goes on to suggest that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Poké Ball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the Gamecube memory card. He expects this peripheral to be able to read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and be used to challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral (in a manner much like on ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'').

During a 2004 confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Chris began to converse with thin air, pretending that Sonichu was in the office with him. At one point, Chris began to pretend that he ''was'' Sonichu and started giving a speech that he said that "Sonichu" wanted to give to Mary, which explains why Mary ordered him to see a psychiatrist. Chris also, usually before crashing into slumber, pretends to converse with Sonichu and Rosechu, at one point claiming that the pair offered him relationship advice.{{cite}} Whether or not he converses with the other characters is unknown at the moment.

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own autistic way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''[[Wikipedia:Avatar (film)|Avatar]]'' was meant to promote the eradication of homosexuality rather than the tolerance of other cultures.{{cite}} Where he got this idea is a mystery, as homosexuality is not once mentioned in the film. His fear of homosexuals destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of ''[[South Park]]'' called "[[Wikipedia:Goobacks|Goobacks]]", which was a satire on the controversy of illegal immigration. In the episode, a group of rednecks who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''[[Wikipedia:Red Dawn|Red Dawn]]''. And of course, Chris is convinced that ''[[Family Guy]]'' is made by the staunchest, most religious Republican in the world, when in reality it's made by a liberal atheist.

Chris rarely understands any moral dispensed by television. When he does take one, it's because he's decided that it can be used to justify whatever tomfoolery he's been up to. Unsurprisingly, Chris often misses the original point completely. For example, while attempting to justify his attempt to pretend to be [[Liquid]] in an attempt to steal his girlfriend, he claimed that he was "Wrong, but for the right reasons."{{cite}} This comes from another episode of ''South Park'' called "[[Wikipedia:Best Friends Forever|Best Friends Forever]]", where, after a satire of the [[Wikipedia:Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo]] controversy, it is stated that Cartman was "Right, but for the wrong reasons". In context, it meant that his goal of shutting down the vegetative Kenny's life support was the right thing to do (for reasons involving the fate of the universe that are too complex to explain here), but his motivation was completely off mark: he only did it because he knew that Kenny's death would cause him to inherit his [[PSP]]. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle were "Wrong, but for the right reasons", as they wanted to keep Kenny alive in a perpetual vegetative state even though they should just let him die, but they were doing so because they actually cared about Kenny, rather than exploiting the situation for their own benefit like Cartman was. Chris seems to have interpreted this as "If you do a bunch of bad things, like pretending to be someone else in order to steal their girlfriend, you are completely justified in doing so if your dishonest actions lead to a positive outcome, like proving that you are the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and getting laid".

==Chris and magic==
{{See also|Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|l1=Chris the Shaman}}

Through Chris's perception of [[God]] as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref><ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref><ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred personal relic of the day — either the [[Medallion of Fail]] or [[Amnyfest Ring]].

Chris also appears to believe that he can [[Sarah May Skype Logs|talk to dead people]], to an extent. He told [[Sarah May]] that when he touched his dead [[Aunt Corrina]]'s hand, he could hear her spirit, along with the spirits of his grandparents and great-grandparents. He also claimed that [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] also told him to "make the trip and go to Julie." It's unclear at this point whether these visions are the result of his mental problems, or just an excuse for him to do want he wants to do by justifying his actions as the result of supernatural phenomenon.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This gives Chris a belief of some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an immature defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> Anyone who hinders Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "[[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal]]," either in Virginia or nation-wide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

Chris's tendencies towards these sorts of thoughts may spiral back to two people: [[Bob Chandler|Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. A phone call between his parents and [[Matthew Noble call|a GAMe PLACe employee]] revealed a number of things, most importantly that they believe Chris's entire trolling began as a conspiracy between [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]] and a number of potential homosexuals to "terrorize", "torment", and "persecute" Chris for being autistic, going so far as to believe they broke into Chris's credit card account and tried to ruin his credit.

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

United States of America

2010-12-07T04:10:30Z

Shawnzie: /* Chris for President? */

{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|Chris, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|forgetting the national anthem]].}}
[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|Christian's primary thoughts on the U.S....]]

[[Chris]] is a citizen of the '''United States of America''', a federal democratic republic in North America. The nation is considered the only remaining [[China|superpower]] since the end of the Cold War, and is a leading economic, political and cultural force in the world.

Chris's stance on the nation he lives in is inconsistent at best. While he claims to be a good citizen who loves and respects his country, his [[Twin Falling Towers|actions]] are often [[Chris and Hypocrisy|very obviously]] contrary to these claims.

==Politics==

[[File:Cwcflag1.png|thumb|...Christian's ''other'' thoughts on the U.S...]]

At a glance, Chris's sense of politics seem very inconsistent; on some issues, he takes a very [[Wikipedia:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]] stance, on others a very [[Wikipedia:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] one. While many people have an independent or bipartisan opinion, one has to realize the true nature of Chris's decision-making: that Chris doesn't favor what's good for America, but rather what's good for Chris (and believes that [[Chris and his ego|these two ends are one and the same]]). As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates da [[homos]], and supported [[Barack Obama]] because he saw himself in him, before he accused him of [[Chris and race|selling out the country to brown-skinned people]].{{cite}}

Soon after, he clarified that he [[Mailbag 20#Chris on abortion|supports abortion]], undoubtedly to show his appreciation for [[Women's Rights]]. Another recent political insight is the vague statement [[Mailbag 4|'I agree with gun control']], despite Chris's numerous [[death threats]] and [[Sonichu Special 4|vigilante plans]] that would require a firearm.

Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having extreme or overly partisan political beliefs, he takes this as a general-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the [[Mailbags]], where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues ''every'' voter should have an opinion on, simply because ''he has no opinion.''

Chris doesn't react well in situations where he absolutely has to make a choice ([[Julie Reveals Herself|Julie or PSN? A question for the ages!]]), and seems easily persuaded on matters that he doesn't really have a stake on. As a result, he often comes across as a weathervane, just repeating whatever opinion has most recently lodged itself in his head. His changing opinion about Obama is a good example of this, as he has echoed the sentiments from his father, a documentary, and then from his father again, adopting a positive and negative stance based on what he hears; he never really stops to make a summary and decide what points really matter to ''him''.

==Understanding of government==

Chris's grasp of how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on [[reality]] as a whole, is shaky at best. One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]]. Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns. However, he still thinks of himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays ''sales taxes'' on the massive amount of crap he buys.

{{Quote|My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well.|Chris, [[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever|explaining why he deserves free money]].}}

It's highly unlikely that Chris understands the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him and the amount he gives back via sales tax. Chris also fails to understand that sales taxes are collected by state and local governments, while his welfare check comes from the federal government.

Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is. The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the majority while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation. Chris, however, would like it to become a force for social engineering that would make the most rabid totalitarian shudder. When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out [[Homos|certain minorities]] and force individuals into relationships whether they want to be in one or not.

{{Quote|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.|Chris [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|on effective leadership]].}}

The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it, does not factor into Chris's thinking. By his logic, since he wants a girlfriend, ''everybody'' must want a girlfriend, and if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.

Over the years, Chris has proposed a large number of laws, even sending letters to President [[Barack Obama]] demanding legislation against [[trolls]] and [[homos]]. This is completely useless for two reasons: one, the President of the United States has much more pressing concerns than making an insane manchild in Ruckersville, VA, happy, and two, the US President ''can't make laws''. (Separation of powers and checks and balances in government are concepts Chris has no time for — [[CWCville]], after all, is a hereditary dictatorship.)

Oddly, the closest analog for how Chris views his government is how Chris views his [[religion]]. He treats both the US government and God as things that can be completely ignored unless he has a personal problem, at which point they should immediately step in and help. He believes that both have a deeply vested interest in himself, often at the expense of everybody else. God should damn [[Clyde Cash]], and the FBI should arrest him. It doesn't matter that Clyde hasn't done anything the FBI would be terribly interested in; Chris is mad at him, and that's all that matters.

== Chris on patriotism ==

As established, Chris has a very [[naïve]] view of American politics, and how the federal government operates. Despite these setbacks, Chris has developed a unique brand of patriotism his brings up quite often, usually either in defense of his character or dehumanization of his [[Trolls|enemies]]. As a result, these stabs at jingoism often feel forced or out of place. Chris has utilized this tactic in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], with the iconic "Clarksville Address":

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring [[Sweetheart]] and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 8|delivering the Clarksville Address]]}}

[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Chris bastardizing the American flag with his favorite shirt]]

Here, we can see the prime factor in Chris's logic. Namely, that [[Song of Christian|his problems are analogous with the problems of every American]]. Therefore, if [[ED]] satirizes him, they insult all US citizens. This would become something of a recurring theme, with a later [[Do Not Dis C Ville|video]] claiming that any attack on Chris or [[CWCville|his fictional utopia]] was equivalent to mocking any 'C-ville' in America. On a shallower level, it's an obvious ploy for sympathy, a facade of reasonable nationalism that aims to make him the 'good guy', and by extension, [[Jason]] the 'bad guy'. Thus, patriotic symbolism is thrown in, without really even considering whether or not it makes sense in context. Chris is patriotic simply because he believes that's what will win him [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and reprieve.

His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" end up having the ''opposite'' effect.

However, his bumbling enthusiasm isn't reserved for the USA alone. Like many Americans, Chris has developed a fake lineage of European ancestry, starting from [[Anne Boleyn]], a Queen of England who was executed in 1536. This was almost instantly proven false when her ultimate descendant Queen Elizabeth I, who died in 1603 childless. Then Chris tried in vain to co-opt British, Scottish, and Irish national sentiment in his [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|kilt-clad tirade against Surfshack Tito]] as a means of intimidation. Also, while not a standard country per se, he also evoked his relation to the Cherokee Nation in his infamous [[War Paint Video|armed declaration of war against the trolls]]. Finally, Chris attempts to use the fact that February 24 is Mexico's Flag Day to justify [[Christian Love Day|turning his own birthday into a holiday]], an ''American'' holiday. Note that all of these cases, Chris's total ignorance of other nations means he [[fail]]s spectacularly at representing them and appearing patriotic.
{{-}}

==Chris for President?==
[[File:CWCVilleTrueFlag.png|thumb|...and, what Chris's thoughts on America equate to!]]

In a [[A Public Announcement for Congress|more recent video]], Chris outlined his actions for what he would do if elected president. He declared he would [[Chris and money|cut taxes in half, build "soup hotels", give senior citizens increased funds for medications and special services]], restrict guns to law enforcement personnel only, [[homos|allow gay marriage]], and [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|form a special police force that focus's entirely on capturing internet trolls.]]

Aside from his failure to deliver a good speech, this video also showcases his complete and utter ignorance of how government and taxes work. [[Mailbag 18|Building luxury hotels for the homeless]] and increasing social security for [[Bob|senior citizens]] would cost a fortune to do, yet he also proposes cutting taxes in half, thus also reducing the amount of money the government can spend in half. Given that Chris probably has [[Honor Roll|no knowledge of economics]], he probably just assumes that money can be printed endlessly without fear of inflation (Of course, that's assuming he put any thought at all into his policies).

Chris's restrictions of guns to professionals only is a blatant violation of the 2nd amendment, which allows American citizens to own a gun for protection. While there are certain restrictions on who can own a gun and what type, a flat out ban on weapons for everyone would no doubt be found unconstitutional. Then again, Chris isn't exactly big on [[Homos|respecting]] [[Alec Benson Leary|the]] [[Megan|rights]] [[Mailbag 31|of]] [[Niggos|others.]]

His departure from his previous stance on gay marriage is surprising ,but then again, he was influenced by a [[Jackie|certain someone]] when he made the video. Despite his decree of equal rights, he does finish up his point by imploring gays to [[Sex tape|"keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody"]], while normal straight couples can flaunt their heterosexuality to their heart's delight.

While taxes, government spending, gay marriage and gun control are all big issues, Chris finishes up his video by proposing his most important change: the establishment of a special "trollbusters" unit of [[Chris and the law|law enforcement]], apparently dedicated to finding trolls who make fun of people online, and incarcerating them. While a cyber crime's unit already exists for the FBI, they spend their time pursuing real criminals like pedophiles and scam artists, not people who make fun of [[Chris|retarded inbred cry-babies]].

The fact that Chris has complained to law enforcement previously, and they have not done anything about it, leads Chris to believe that it must not exist, [[ego|otherwise they would be spending all their resources tracking down the people who make fun of him]]. The fact that Chris is willing to suspend constitutional rights, and spend countless millions on to incarcerate people that make fun of him, is proof that Chris is neither a republican, democrat or moderate. He's more of a fascist.

TLDR, Chris's ideal America is an America where he is in charge, the Bill of Rights only applies when he feels like it should, and his birthday is a national holiday. In other words, his ideal America is North Korea.

Kim Il-Sung would be proud!

==See also==
*[[American Rabbit]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

July 2009

2010-12-06T00:28:26Z

Shawnzie:

[[Image:1247626135478.jpg|thumb|On '''15 July 2009''', Chris is spotted with a <s>female</s> whale.]]
[[Image:Z100_0798.jpg|thumb|On '''18 July 2009''', this is what Chris found...]]
[[Image:Vidya_reaction_to_cwc.jpg|thumb| On '''24 July 2009''', /v/ finds out about his latest video...]]
[[Image:CollosalChan.jpg|thumb|On '''29 July 2009''', Chris draws [[Collosal Chan]].]]

In '''July 2009''' Chris continued his newfound, somewhat wilder lifestyle, and more footage was leaked of Chris's activities in real life. Several photographs appeared of him going to a bar with a heavy girl, and later on a video was shown of Chris hanging around in [[Charlottesville]]. As the month went on, Chris suddenly took interest in the saving of [[McIntire Park]], a piece of public property that was in risk of being demolished. Chris managed to get himself on TV two times by behaving retardedly, but nobody really cares. Halfway through the month, a troll calling himself [[CChanSonichuCWC]] appeared on YouTube, claiming to be the copyright holder of Sonichu, and thus the real Christian Chandler. Chris didn't take this lightly, and as July drew to a close, the situation became grimmer and grimmer. On the last days of July, Chris initiated the [[SingStar Challenge]], a singing competition that would supposedly determine who was the real Chris-Chan.

==Events of July 2009==
*1 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads two videos, [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]] and a video of him [[For G4s Web Soup|responding to G4]] showing a video of him.
*3 July - [[CChanSonichuCWC]] formally denounces the [[YouTube]] account CChanSonichu, claiming that he, the real Chris, abandoned that account and its current operator is an [[Ian Brandon Anderson|impostor]] Chris. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqE2k_KCGbs]
*3 July - '''Video''' [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScrewAttackEurope ScrewAttackEurope] releases [[Chris-chan Discusses...#Chris-chan Discusses... Billy Mays|the first]] of [[Chris-chan Discusses...|many videos of Chris being interviewed]].
*4 July- '''Video''' ScrewAttackEurope releases [[Chris-chan Discusses...#Chris-chan Discusses... Spax3 & Griffith|Chris-chan Discusses... Spax3 & Griffith]].
*7 July - '''Video''' ScrewAttackEurope releases [[Chris-chan Discusses...#Chris-chan Discusses... E3 & Little Big Planet|Chris-chan Discusses... E3 & Little Big Planet]].
*7 July - '''Video'''Chris uploads [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009]].
*10 July - Chris sends the first of the [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]].
*10 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads three videos--[[The July 10th Messages|ECV 00117, ECV 00118, and ECV 00119]]. Directed towards three people he was mad at: ShmionSonozaki, sonichuizcool and oxycleanfanatic2264. His use of death threats of slander in these videos resulted in the suspension of his YouTube account, CChanSonichu.
*11 July - '''Video''' Chris creates a new YouTube account, [[IBAChandler]], and uploads [[I Got A Fish |I GOT A FISH]] as well as a new video, [[A near public apology]].
*12 July - Chris sends the last of the [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]].
*13 July - '''Video''' Four more videos are uploaded featuring [[Chris's Big Night Out II|Chris out drinking]].
*15 July - [[Two's company snapshots|Pictures]] emerge on [[4-cent_garbage|4-cent_garbage's]] /v/ of Chris sitting in a bar with a rather heavy girl.
*17 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [[Rollin' and Trollin']], where he gives a tour of [[CWCville]] and claims that the autistic manchild we thought he was never existed. This plays into the hands of [[CChanSonichuCWC]], who has been claiming to be the real autistic manchild for weeks.
*17 July - Chris writes and draws a [[Sonichu]] face on the [[Charlottesville]] [http://www.tjcenter.org/monument/ chalk wall]. He did not have his camera when he drew it, and when he came back with it the next morning, others had drawn and written over him.
*18 July - Chris uses [[Samantha Thaddeus]]'s email account in [[Katie Bay E-mails|a series of emails to her friend]] to try and get his foreign [[PS3|PSN accounts]] back.
*19 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [[CWC Trollin More]], in which he admits he really is an autistic manchild.
*21 July - [[CChanSonichuCWC]] claims to have sold official Sonichu merchandise at Otakon, which seems to be the last straw for Chris, heating up the CWCivil War.
*22 July - Chris is [[McIntire_Park#Chris_on_NBC|featured on NBC]], in the background at a rally to save [[McIntire Park]].
*22 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads two videos. Firstly, [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 22nd, 2009]], a "REAL Protest against the FAKE". Secondly, [[A Preview]], a badly drawn slideshow/trailer/music video. Both videos are deleted within hours.
*23 July - '''Video''' Chris reuploads the "REAL Protest against the FAKE" to prove he is in fact the True and Honest CWC and not the impostor we know he is.
*23 July - Chris enters a secret "troll" IRC channel (not really), under an alias, and in a long [[IRC (23 July 2009)|IRC convo]], he tries to persuade the trolls to get him to rape [[Rocky]].
*23 July - NBC 24 in Charlottesville broadcasts a [http://www.nbc29.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?ClipID1=3978766&h1=Save%20McIntire%20Radio%20Ad%20Controversy&vt1=v&at1=News&d1=120633&LaunchPageAdTag=Station%2020&activePane=info&rnd=7549648 news report] in which Chris was spotted with the Medallion in public.
*23 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [[Do Not Dis C Ville]].
*24 July - Last of the [[Katie Bay E-mails]] is sent.
*24 July - '''Video''' A video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked onto [[:Image:Vidya_reaction_to_cwc.jpg|4-cent_garbage's /v/]].
*24 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads a strange video, [[It's UGH!]], of him uncomfortably singing the song "It's OK to be Gay". He removes the video in less than 20 minutes.
*24 July - '''Video''' Apparently seeing the song as his anthem of independence from the trolls, Chris uploads [[CWC Dare]] shortly after deleting his "It's OK to be Gay" performance.
*25 July - '''Video''' [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] is uploaded by Chris.
*25 July - '''Video''' In addition, Chris uploads "[[It's UGH!#Remake|It's___]]", a remake of the "It's UGH" video.
*26 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009]] in which he proves to the world that he is the True and Honest CWC.
*26 July - Chris starts editing [[CWCipedia]] very intensively on a near-daily basis.
*28 July - Chris finally completes [[Episode 19]], eight months after he started it, and uploads the finished pages to the [[CWCipedia]].
*29 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjppCLp8QlE CWC More Than A Feeling], which is just him playing Guitar Hero.
*29 July - '''Video''' Chris uploads [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].
*29 July - Chris reuploads the [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|"Holding Out For a Hero" music video]] as well as several other older videos. His newfound belief that [[Ivy]] was real after all appears to contribute to this decision.
*29 July - '''Video''' The CWCville Library leaks the [[CWC_"Boyfriend"#Alternate_Leaked_Edition|alternate]] version of CWC "Boyfriend".
*29 July - [[CChanSonichuCWC]] posts his own performance of "More Than A Feeling" to one-up Chris. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6t63XMQfg0] Chris [[:Image:Fake_chris_rages_on_youtube.png|rages]].
*29 July - '''Video''' Chris [[Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back|shaves his goatee]] on-camera in an effort to prove he's the real Chris, although he mostly proves he cannot properly handle sharp objects.
*29 July - Chris draws [[Collosal Chan]], who will be appearing in [[Sonichu 10]].
*31 July - '''SINGSTAR CHALLENGE:''' Chris announces the [[SingStar Challenge]] with a [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|video]] against [[CChanSonichuCWC]].
*31 July - '''SINGSTAR CHALLENGE:''' Chris uploads his [[SingStar Challenge Round 1#IBAChandler's Entry|first performance]].

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and sex

2010-12-05T08:54:59Z

Shawnzie: /* Rape */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> and bought many [[sex toys]] from [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|adameve.com]].

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl, as he admitted in a set of emails to a sweetheart.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]], plus [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, though he sticks by them religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies sound exactly like attempts to re-create what he's seen in porno movies, as opposed to any experience human beings might actually find pleasurable. Take for instance his assumption that [[Kacey]] would get off on a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref> Additionally, Chris seems to believe that while having sex, his partner's egg can go inside his dick and impregnate him.<ref>[[Pregnant Act]]</ref> And that he'll give birth to [[Li'l Chris|a bear]].

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreading an imaginary vagina a yard across,{{cite}} and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful.{{cite}} The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms (although in [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], Chris manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a [[Wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|cowgirl position]] — [[Chris and Sex#Chris in the act|with himself on top]]). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]]<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref>. He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in [[Wikipedia:Mariana Trench|Mariana Trench]]-deep denial. This can be explained by his [[autism]] and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes […]"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]] (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[daughter|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen]], or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing [[God]]'s will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> This proves that for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]] (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is [[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]], and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with women means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex and/or a girlfriend.
* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).
* Going with the above, in the "[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]", Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "[[hanky panky]]" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [''Emphasis added''] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally not perverted and sexist.
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some [[autism|autistics]] simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref> Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. It has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "[[china]]," "[[duck]]," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]]. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying it. We know Chris is far too lazy and stupid to do such a thing.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-12-05T08:46:42Z

Shawnzie: /* Moral basis on sex and double standards */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> and bought many [[sex toys]] from [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|adameve.com]].

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl, as he admitted in a set of emails to a sweetheart.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]], plus [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, though he sticks by them religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies sound exactly like attempts to re-create what he's seen in porno movies, as opposed to any experience human beings might actually find pleasurable. Take for instance his assumption that [[Kacey]] would get off on a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref> Additionally, Chris seems to believe that while having sex, his partner's egg can go inside his dick and impregnate him.<ref>[[Pregnant Act]]</ref> And that he'll give birth to [[Li'l Chris|a bear]].

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreading an imaginary vagina a yard across,{{cite}} and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful.{{cite}} The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms (although in [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], Chris manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a [[Wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|cowgirl position]] — [[Chris and Sex#Chris in the act|with himself on top]]). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]]<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref>. He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in [[Wikipedia:Mariana Trench|Mariana Trench]]-deep denial. This can be explained by his [[autism]] and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes […]"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]] (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[daughter|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen]], or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing [[God]]'s will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> This proves that for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]] (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is [[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]], and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with women means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex and/or a girlfriend.
* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).
* Going with the above, in the "[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]", Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "[[hanky panky]]" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [''Emphasis added''] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally not perverted and sexist.
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some [[autism|autistics]] simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref> Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. It has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "[[china]]," "[[duck]]," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]]. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody. So stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-12-05T08:45:55Z

Shawnzie: /* Is Chris asexual? */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> and bought many [[sex toys]] from [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|adameve.com]].

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl, as he admitted in a set of emails to a sweetheart.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]], plus [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, though he sticks by them religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies sound exactly like attempts to re-create what he's seen in porno movies, as opposed to any experience human beings might actually find pleasurable. Take for instance his assumption that [[Kacey]] would get off on a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref> Additionally, Chris seems to believe that while having sex, his partner's egg can go inside his dick and impregnate him.<ref>[[Pregnant Act]]</ref> And that he'll give birth to [[Li'l Chris|a bear]].

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreading an imaginary vagina a yard across,{{cite}} and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful.{{cite}} The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms (although in [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], Chris manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a [[Wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|cowgirl position]] — [[Chris and Sex#Chris in the act|with himself on top]]). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]]<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref>. He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in [[Wikipedia:Mariana Trench|Mariana Trench]]-deep denial. This can be explained by his [[autism]] and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes […]"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]] (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[daughter|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen]], or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing [[God]]'s will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Mem|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> This proves that for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]] (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is [[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]], and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with women means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex and/or a girlfriend.
* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).
* Going with the above, in the "[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]", Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "[[hanky panky]]" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [''Emphasis added''] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally not perverted and sexist.
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some [[autism|autistics]] simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref> Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. It has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "[[china]]," "[[duck]]," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]]. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody. So stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-12-05T08:43:01Z

Shawnzie: /* Chris and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> and bought many [[sex toys]] from [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|adameve.com]].

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl, as he admitted in a set of emails to a sweetheart.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]], plus [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, though he sticks by them religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies sound exactly like attempts to re-create what he's seen in porno movies, as opposed to any experience human beings might actually find pleasurable. Take for instance his assumption that [[Kacey]] would get off on a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref> Additionally, Chris seems to believe that while having sex, his partner's egg can go inside his dick and impregnate him.<ref>[[Pregnant Act]]</ref> And that he'll give birth to [[Li'l Chris|a bear]].

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreading an imaginary vagina a yard across,{{cite}} and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful.{{cite}} The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms (although in [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], Chris manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a [[Wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|cowgirl position]] — [[Chris and Sex#Chris in the act|with himself on top]]). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]]<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref>. He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in [[Wikipedia:Mariana Trench|Mariana Trench]]-deep denial. This can be explained by his [[autism]] and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes […]"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]] (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[daughter|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen]], or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing [[God]]'s will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Mem|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> This proves that for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]] (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is [[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]], and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with women means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex and/or a girlfriend.
* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).
* Going with the above, in the "[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]", Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "[[hanky panky]]" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [''Emphasis added''] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally not perverted and sexist.
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some [[autistics]] simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref> Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. It has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "[[china]]," "[[duck]]," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]]. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody. So stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-12-05T08:39:21Z

Shawnzie: /* Knowledge of sex and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational"<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> and bought many [[sex toys]] from [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|adameve.com]].

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl, as he admitted in a set of emails to a sweetheart.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]], plus [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, though he sticks by them religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies sound exactly like attempts to re-create what he's seen in porno movies, as opposed to any experience human beings might actually find pleasurable. Take for instance his assumption that [[Kacey]] would get off on a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref> Additionally, Chris seems to believe that while having sex, his partner's egg can go inside his dick and impregnate him.<ref>[[Pregnant Act]]</ref> And that he'll give birth to [[Li'l Chris|a bear]].

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreading an imaginary vagina a yard across,{{cite}} and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful.{{cite}} The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms (although in [[For Julie's Eyes Only]], Chris manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a [[Wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|cowgirl position]] — [[Chris and Sex#Chris in the act|with himself on top]]). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]]<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref>. He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in [[Wikipedia:Marianas Trench|Marianas Trench]]-deep denial. This can be explained by his [[autism]] and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes […]"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la [[Wikipedia:Onan|Onan]] (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[daughter|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen]], or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing [[God]]'s will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Mem|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> This proves that for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]] (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is [[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]], and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with women means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex and/or a girlfriend.
* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).
* Going with the above, in the "[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]", Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "[[hanky panky]]" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [''Emphasis added''] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally not perverted and sexist.
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some [[autistics]] simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref> Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. It has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "[[china]]," "[[duck]]," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]]. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody. So stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

List of Chris's lies

2010-12-05T08:32:10Z

Shawnzie: /* Chris's lies */

{{quote|[[Lie|I do not lie all the time]]; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing a [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence. The end result is a compulsive liar who is about as sly as a two year old who has been caught with both hands in the proverbial cookie jar screaming his head off about how he wasn't trying to steal anything whist bits of cookie fly out of his mouth.

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==

*In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
*For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]] where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13]], he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
*When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
*Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The Game Place]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
*In an email,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] -- 'Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me.'</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
*He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]]</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
*In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
*Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
*Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAAc9zAVQw backfired horribly], Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
*Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[PaRappa contest]].
*Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
*In [[Mailbag 14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
*In [[Mailbag 25]] Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
*Chris began receiving emails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
*In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
*On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
*During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
*Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first". Episode 17, which was written long before Asperchu even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
*When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with Sonichu; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|videogame]] about [[Sonichu]], nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
*Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and in fact complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
*Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
*[[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into the GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
*Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about the Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and the Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris' "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a)[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
*In [[Mailbag 49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the US military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original email. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
*In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|emails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
*Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
*In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|Jackie E-Mails 23]], he claims his penis is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
{{quote|I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about.|Matthew Devoria - [[Father Call]]}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Lists]]

User:Shawnzie

2010-11-23T00:36:52Z

Shawnzie: Created page with "Extremely sad that I share the same planet as the fat, idiotic autistic manchild we've come to know and hate with every fiber of our beings, I've joined the CWCki laughing at his..."

Extremely sad that I share the same planet as the fat, idiotic autistic manchild we've come to know and hate with every fiber of our beings, I've joined the CWCki laughing at his every stupid mistake. Needless to say, I get a lot of laughing in each day.

Bob Chandler

2010-11-16T23:56:17Z

Shawnzie: /* Biography */

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|Listen boy! You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!|Makes you wonder why Chris is a racist...}}

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Internet Lumberjack
That fuck
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 4 September 1927
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White, part [[Cherokee]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert (father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, civilian engineer (ret.)
|-
|}
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form]]
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September 1927<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–very, very soon) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father. '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "[[Internet]] Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water [container] molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===

[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===

[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]
[[File:Heart15.jpg|thumb|Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.]]
Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. Let's hope that Chris hasn't inherited the traits for this longevity. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the [[troll]] community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

===What about Bob?===

[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]. Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris does not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/ /cwc/] claimed to have contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] purportedly of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." [[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"]]Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He is clearly neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hasn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

Whether he is on the road to recovery or has returned home to die is still unknown. If Bob is dying, it is highly unlikely that Chris would be told. Apart from one-line responses from Chris, the best way to stay updated on Bob's health might be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville] and [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenenews/ Greene County obituaries]. And God help him if he [[Aunt Corrina|dies on pancake day]].

Bob is currently out of hospital, living at home and back [[prank calls|arguing with himself]]. The elderly man with heart failure is still [[Coffee Place|eating at Burger King]]. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 10 August, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which is ''still'' on his YouTube channel. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob is.

On 19 August, it was revealed that Bob eats breakfast at Burger King on a daily basis.

On 21 September, Bob reveals in a [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|prank call]] that he may have been a member of the KKK and threatens the prank callers with this knowledge, only to be laughed at. Earlier in the call, Bob spent time explaining his educational and work background, and how he had fulfilled his service to the public.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seems to have somehow bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]] simply due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[fail|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> However, in the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seems to either share the tactic of, and perhaps had even ''taught'' Chris, to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comaprison. In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believes that Chris has accomplished significant goals in his adult life.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 28 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Synder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.
* 23 [[September 2010]]: Bob admits ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2010.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==

{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Honor roll

2010-11-16T00:46:50Z

Shawnzie:

[[Image:0558-ChrisChanOfY2KClass.jpg|thumb|right|The white sash says Chris made the honor roll, but the slack-jawed stare says so much more.]]

{{quote|No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos[sic] de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [sic]|Ricardo Weston Chandler}}

Translation: Not lonely with them, but with my points [should be "puntas"] of HONOR ROLL. Good!

{{quote| I AM HONOR ROLL!| [[Liquid Chris]]}}

{{quote|HONOR ROLL MY ASS|[[Vivian Gee]], [[Audiobooks]]}}
Chris's presence on the '''honor roll''' in high school is something he often brings up as evidence of his [[Slow-in-the-minds|intelligence]]. Despite his insistence to the contrary, Chris's past behavior and obvious gullibility, poor communication and self-delusion cast doubt on this claim.

==Where Chris has claimed Honor Roll status==
Chris has trumpeted his honor-roll status in a number of his documents and videos.

*In [[Sub-Episode 1]], Chris drops the honor-roll line in a post-script to his unsolicited follow-up email to [[Hanna]]. Because the girl who just trolled your heart down to 15% will flip for you if you're on the honor roll.
*In his [[Miyamoto_Saga|e-mails to Shigeru Miyamoto]], he apparently thought making the honor roll would impress a world-renowned game designer.
*Likewise, he mentioned the honor roll early in his [[Blanca E-mails|e-mail exchanges with Blanca]].
*The honor roll gets a shout-out in the lyrics to "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]] prominently mentioned the honor roll.
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|Asperger's rant]], Chris cited making the honor roll as one of many ways in which he overcame the obstacles presented by his autism.
*In his [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|first public plea for understanding on YouTube]], Chris mentioned the honor roll in passing.
*Chris's first [[OkCupid]] profile from February 2009 announces that he made the honor roll.
*In [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris bragged about his "honor roll points" as one of the many qualities that apparently set him apart from [[Liquid Chris]].
*In response, Liquid Chris picked up the honor-roll catchphrase himself, using it in one of their arguments over the phone.
*In the [[Autism Awareness E-mails]], Chris mentioned making the honor roll as one reason why he did not need a caretaker or other supervision.

==Chris made the honor roll?==
In Chris's graduation pictures from both high school and college, he is wearing a sash that generally indicates graduating with honors. This only means so much without additional context, though. Depending on his school's standards for who winds up on the honor roll, it may not represent that impressive an achievement, especially if Chris was able to rack up the required grade point average with remedial course work instead of normal classes. In some schools, the only requirement is a minimum GPA, so anyone with a GPA of, say, 3.5, is on the honor roll, even if every single course was a remedial course. For what it's worth, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's [[autism papers|intake survey]] in 2004 noted that Chris took regular classes in high school, but he may have only had Chris's word for that. It's also noted that often times with honor roll, it's not hard to get honor roll if you have done all your homework and class work and did adequate on tests, even in a normal class setting. So, A in homework, and C in tests, MIGHT average to the B area, at least enough to be considered in the honor roll.

On the other hand, it's not completely out of the question to consider that Chris might have been able to get decent grades in school. His emotional and social issues have always made judging his actual intelligence a little tricky. In "[[Song of Christian]]", he is enraged to receive an "F" in English, suggesting that he usually got good grades, and also rages ''I mean, I started off with an "A" and you just lowered it, lowered, lowered it!"'', indicating that he initially made good grades in the class, but for one reason or another, they slipped into "F"'s before long.

Chris's basic cognitive functions work fine, as the 2004 psychiatric survey confirmed, and in some respects he seems to be no less intellectually capable than many ordinary people. He has a reasonable facility with [[computers]] and technology, for instance. At the same time, his laziness, naïveté, egotism and raging hormones have obviously led him to ever-increasing depths of self-destructively foolish behavior. The Miyamoto saga offers an interesting example of this contrast: Chris was bright enough to eventually work out that the e-mails he received from "Miyamoto" came from an easily-spoofed domain...but then if he weren't so blinded by his ego, he would never have believed that Nintendo was interested in his shitty knockoff character in the first place.

So, is Chris too stupid to have made the honor roll? Maybe. Is Chris too gullible, arrogant, and led about by his [[duck]] to function in real life? Definitely.

One would think that all Chris needs to do is to post his grades in order to end the doubts to his alleged intelligence. Sadly, according to [[Mailbag 19]], Chris's report card papers are said to be locked away beyond his reach (which could mean a number of things - they could be locked away, buried under the piles of shit that litter his house, he doesn't have them anymore and he doesn't want to reveal that to others, or he's just too lazy to get up and find them), we may never know the truth until something finally snaps and he's able to get them. On the other hand, he's probably had them all along, and would never reveal them because they prove that he's the dumbfuck we know him to be.

Contradictorily, Chris also claims that the grades testifying to honor roll status are a matter of [[Mailbag 21#When you're 27, nobody really cares about your high school report cards|public record]], but was too lazy to procure them himself. [[Trolls|Those]] who have (or desire) access to the Chesterfield County Public Schools hall of records should take note; transcripts are not too difficult to obtain.

==See also==
* [[Manchester High School]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]
[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Honor roll

2010-11-16T00:46:33Z

Shawnzie:

[[Image:0558-ChrisChanOfY2KClass.jpg|thumb|right|The white sash says Chris made the honor roll, but the slack-jawed stare says so much more.]]

{{quote|No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos[sic] de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [sic]|Ricardo Weston Chandler}}

Translation: No lonely with them, but with my points [should be "puntas"] of HONOR ROLL. Good!

{{quote| I AM HONOR ROLL!| [[Liquid Chris]]}}

{{quote|HONOR ROLL MY ASS|[[Vivian Gee]], [[Audiobooks]]}}
Chris's presence on the '''honor roll''' in high school is something he often brings up as evidence of his [[Slow-in-the-minds|intelligence]]. Despite his insistence to the contrary, Chris's past behavior and obvious gullibility, poor communication and self-delusion cast doubt on this claim.

==Where Chris has claimed Honor Roll status==
Chris has trumpeted his honor-roll status in a number of his documents and videos.

*In [[Sub-Episode 1]], Chris drops the honor-roll line in a post-script to his unsolicited follow-up email to [[Hanna]]. Because the girl who just trolled your heart down to 15% will flip for you if you're on the honor roll.
*In his [[Miyamoto_Saga|e-mails to Shigeru Miyamoto]], he apparently thought making the honor roll would impress a world-renowned game designer.
*Likewise, he mentioned the honor roll early in his [[Blanca E-mails|e-mail exchanges with Blanca]].
*The honor roll gets a shout-out in the lyrics to "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]] prominently mentioned the honor roll.
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|Asperger's rant]], Chris cited making the honor roll as one of many ways in which he overcame the obstacles presented by his autism.
*In his [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|first public plea for understanding on YouTube]], Chris mentioned the honor roll in passing.
*Chris's first [[OkCupid]] profile from February 2009 announces that he made the honor roll.
*In [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris bragged about his "honor roll points" as one of the many qualities that apparently set him apart from [[Liquid Chris]].
*In response, Liquid Chris picked up the honor-roll catchphrase himself, using it in one of their arguments over the phone.
*In the [[Autism Awareness E-mails]], Chris mentioned making the honor roll as one reason why he did not need a caretaker or other supervision.

==Chris made the honor roll?==
In Chris's graduation pictures from both high school and college, he is wearing a sash that generally indicates graduating with honors. This only means so much without additional context, though. Depending on his school's standards for who winds up on the honor roll, it may not represent that impressive an achievement, especially if Chris was able to rack up the required grade point average with remedial course work instead of normal classes. In some schools, the only requirement is a minimum GPA, so anyone with a GPA of, say, 3.5, is on the honor roll, even if every single course was a remedial course. For what it's worth, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's [[autism papers|intake survey]] in 2004 noted that Chris took regular classes in high school, but he may have only had Chris's word for that. It's also noted that often times with honor roll, it's not hard to get honor roll if you have done all your homework and class work and did adequate on tests, even in a normal class setting. So, A in homework, and C in tests, MIGHT average to the B area, at least enough to be considered in the honor roll.

On the other hand, it's not completely out of the question to consider that Chris might have been able to get decent grades in school. His emotional and social issues have always made judging his actual intelligence a little tricky. In "[[Song of Christian]]", he is enraged to receive an "F" in English, suggesting that he usually got good grades, and also rages ''I mean, I started off with an "A" and you just lowered it, lowered, lowered it!"'', indicating that he initially made good grades in the class, but for one reason or another, they slipped into "F"'s before long.

Chris's basic cognitive functions work fine, as the 2004 psychiatric survey confirmed, and in some respects he seems to be no less intellectually capable than many ordinary people. He has a reasonable facility with [[computers]] and technology, for instance. At the same time, his laziness, naïveté, egotism and raging hormones have obviously led him to ever-increasing depths of self-destructively foolish behavior. The Miyamoto saga offers an interesting example of this contrast: Chris was bright enough to eventually work out that the e-mails he received from "Miyamoto" came from an easily-spoofed domain...but then if he weren't so blinded by his ego, he would never have believed that Nintendo was interested in his shitty knockoff character in the first place.

So, is Chris too stupid to have made the honor roll? Maybe. Is Chris too gullible, arrogant, and led about by his [[duck]] to function in real life? Definitely.

One would think that all Chris needs to do is to post his grades in order to end the doubts to his alleged intelligence. Sadly, according to [[Mailbag 19]], Chris's report card papers are said to be locked away beyond his reach (which could mean a number of things - they could be locked away, buried under the piles of shit that litter his house, he doesn't have them anymore and he doesn't want to reveal that to others, or he's just too lazy to get up and find them), we may never know the truth until something finally snaps and he's able to get them. On the other hand, he's probably had them all along, and would never reveal them because they prove that he's the dumbfuck we know him to be.

Contradictorily, Chris also claims that the grades testifying to honor roll status are a matter of [[Mailbag 21#When you're 27, nobody really cares about your high school report cards|public record]], but was too lazy to procure them himself. [[Trolls|Those]] who have (or desire) access to the Chesterfield County Public Schools hall of records should take note; transcripts are not too difficult to obtain.

==See also==
* [[Manchester High School]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]
[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Honor roll

2010-11-16T00:46:00Z

Shawnzie:

[[Image:0558-ChrisChanOfY2KClass.jpg|thumb|right|The white sash says Chris made the honor roll, but the slack-jawed stare says so much more.]]

{{quote|No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos[sic] de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [sic]|Ricardo Weston Chandler}}

(No lonely with them, but with my points [should be "puntas" of HONOR ROLL. Good!)

{{quote| I AM HONOR ROLL!| [[Liquid Chris]]}}

{{quote|HONOR ROLL MY ASS|[[Vivian Gee]], [[Audiobooks]]}}
Chris's presence on the '''honor roll''' in high school is something he often brings up as evidence of his [[Slow-in-the-minds|intelligence]]. Despite his insistence to the contrary, Chris's past behavior and obvious gullibility, poor communication and self-delusion cast doubt on this claim.

==Where Chris has claimed Honor Roll status==
Chris has trumpeted his honor-roll status in a number of his documents and videos.

*In [[Sub-Episode 1]], Chris drops the honor-roll line in a post-script to his unsolicited follow-up email to [[Hanna]]. Because the girl who just trolled your heart down to 15% will flip for you if you're on the honor roll.
*In his [[Miyamoto_Saga|e-mails to Shigeru Miyamoto]], he apparently thought making the honor roll would impress a world-renowned game designer.
*Likewise, he mentioned the honor roll early in his [[Blanca E-mails|e-mail exchanges with Blanca]].
*The honor roll gets a shout-out in the lyrics to "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]" by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]].
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]] prominently mentioned the honor roll.
*In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|Asperger's rant]], Chris cited making the honor roll as one of many ways in which he overcame the obstacles presented by his autism.
*In his [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|first public plea for understanding on YouTube]], Chris mentioned the honor roll in passing.
*Chris's first [[OkCupid]] profile from February 2009 announces that he made the honor roll.
*In [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris bragged about his "honor roll points" as one of the many qualities that apparently set him apart from [[Liquid Chris]].
*In response, Liquid Chris picked up the honor-roll catchphrase himself, using it in one of their arguments over the phone.
*In the [[Autism Awareness E-mails]], Chris mentioned making the honor roll as one reason why he did not need a caretaker or other supervision.

==Chris made the honor roll?==
In Chris's graduation pictures from both high school and college, he is wearing a sash that generally indicates graduating with honors. This only means so much without additional context, though. Depending on his school's standards for who winds up on the honor roll, it may not represent that impressive an achievement, especially if Chris was able to rack up the required grade point average with remedial course work instead of normal classes. In some schools, the only requirement is a minimum GPA, so anyone with a GPA of, say, 3.5, is on the honor roll, even if every single course was a remedial course. For what it's worth, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's [[autism papers|intake survey]] in 2004 noted that Chris took regular classes in high school, but he may have only had Chris's word for that. It's also noted that often times with honor roll, it's not hard to get honor roll if you have done all your homework and class work and did adequate on tests, even in a normal class setting. So, A in homework, and C in tests, MIGHT average to the B area, at least enough to be considered in the honor roll.

On the other hand, it's not completely out of the question to consider that Chris might have been able to get decent grades in school. His emotional and social issues have always made judging his actual intelligence a little tricky. In "[[Song of Christian]]", he is enraged to receive an "F" in English, suggesting that he usually got good grades, and also rages ''I mean, I started off with an "A" and you just lowered it, lowered, lowered it!"'', indicating that he initially made good grades in the class, but for one reason or another, they slipped into "F"'s before long.

Chris's basic cognitive functions work fine, as the 2004 psychiatric survey confirmed, and in some respects he seems to be no less intellectually capable than many ordinary people. He has a reasonable facility with [[computers]] and technology, for instance. At the same time, his laziness, naïveté, egotism and raging hormones have obviously led him to ever-increasing depths of self-destructively foolish behavior. The Miyamoto saga offers an interesting example of this contrast: Chris was bright enough to eventually work out that the e-mails he received from "Miyamoto" came from an easily-spoofed domain...but then if he weren't so blinded by his ego, he would never have believed that Nintendo was interested in his shitty knockoff character in the first place.

So, is Chris too stupid to have made the honor roll? Maybe. Is Chris too gullible, arrogant, and led about by his [[duck]] to function in real life? Definitely.

One would think that all Chris needs to do is to post his grades in order to end the doubts to his alleged intelligence. Sadly, according to [[Mailbag 19]], Chris's report card papers are said to be locked away beyond his reach (which could mean a number of things - they could be locked away, buried under the piles of shit that litter his house, he doesn't have them anymore and he doesn't want to reveal that to others, or he's just too lazy to get up and find them), we may never know the truth until something finally snaps and he's able to get them. On the other hand, he's probably had them all along, and would never reveal them because they prove that he's the dumbfuck we know him to be.

Contradictorily, Chris also claims that the grades testifying to honor roll status are a matter of [[Mailbag 21#When you're 27, nobody really cares about your high school report cards|public record]], but was too lazy to procure them himself. [[Trolls|Those]] who have (or desire) access to the Chesterfield County Public Schools hall of records should take note; transcripts are not too difficult to obtain.

==See also==
* [[Manchester High School]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]
[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Inos

2010-10-23T21:27:20Z

Shawnzie:

[[Image:mynamesinos.JPG|thumb|HEEEEYYYYY MON]]
'''Inos''' is a human inhabitant of [[CWCville]], appearing in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Possibly in a response to demands from fans for a more diverse lineup, [[Chris]] chose to depict this particular [[Niggos|token character]] as a homeless, intoxicated, diseased, drug-pushing, expectorating scruff with filthy dreadlocks styled like a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu's]] ears.

Talking to [[Sonichu]] with a vaguely Jamaican accent, he uses dottled word-play to explain that he is a seventy-eight-year-old "Jamaican Veteran" and professional bum who has suffered from a cold for five years. Chris stops short of having him sing "Buffalo Soldier" and join a bobsled team.

After kindly recoiling with disgust and lecturing the half-dead Inos on his drug use, Sonichu has him arrested, cautioned and admitted against his will into one of CWCville's soup kitchens. His wares are also appropriated and sent to the [[tobacky]] rocket.

While Chris spends several pages showing off what a waste of life this particular [[niggos|black person]] is, when called out on his lack of minorities in the comic during [[Mailbag 50]], he mentions [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]], the black officer who was called in to arrest Inos. He showed up for exactly one panel, the longest Chris has ever shown a minority in a positive light.

Chris has revealed in [[CWC address to Royal Board|a video]] that Inos is actually based on troll creation made to mess with Chris with international copyright law. The creation is known as "Soni-chew, the eclectic heeedge. Hog. Poke! Mon of London, England," or at the least, that's what Chris calls it. At this point it's not clear how much of the character's appearance is based on the "original" character, and how much is just his own rampant racism.

Even worse is the character's thinly veiled Sonichu reference in the dialogue of the above picture. (If you can't figure it out, it's "Sonichu, Eclectic Hedgehog Digimon", strange that he refers to his monstrosity as a Digimon)

==See also==
*[[Niggos]]
*''[[Asperchu]]'', where Inos is transformed into the much more positive Jimarcus Chu

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat

2010-10-16T17:50:05Z

Shawnzie:

'''I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 14 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris has seemingly abandoned his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]s for magic spells, invoking [[Harry Potter]], a franchise [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he once despised]] because he thought it was a threat to the success of [[Pokémon]]. He has also apparently renounced his [[XBox is OK.MOV|renunciation of his hatred]] for the [[homos]].

Chris is wearing some sort of robe (perhaps his bathrobe) over his shirt. Contrary to the title of the video, though, at no point does he put on any kind of hat.

The title of the video is a bit strange, considering the phrase is used mostly in a sex chat where a person responds "I put on my wizard's cloak and magic hat" to troll the other user.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZHGSwkjKw7c}}
| stardate = 14 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{RedYellowStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2279‎]]
| next = [[100 2281‎]]
}}

== Transcription ==
[[File:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|100px|[[Bob]] puts on ''his'' [[Chris and Race#Parental influence|Wizard's cloak and magic hat]]]]

[''Chris comes into view, wearing a robe over his shirt and waving his PlayStation Move controller. He's heavily backlit, so we mainly just see his silhouette.'']

Aye, I have been in the world of Hogwarts and I have a learned a spell or two, and I shall [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cast ye spell]].

[''He makes some motions with the Move controller.'']

On all ye vandals out there, who have cursed my name. For I am a straight man! And you all are the homosexuals, because you mislabel me and misjudge me. And now you shall be [[Chris and English|bespelled, and be spelled!]]

[''He pauses to wave his wand some more.'']

You speak ill of me and you speak of bad judgment, you shall have a pain in the leg! Ericcus trollisus ericcus bustisus!

[''Having finished his incantation, Chris leans over and turns off the camera.'']

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2279‎]]|nextlink=[[100 2281‎]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]