CWCki - User contributions [en]

Jackie E-mails 26

2013-07-18T01:05:00Z

ShotgunJones:

More e-mails between Chris and Jackie, from 6-19 [[May 2011]].

Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent.

{{Email|May 6, 2011 11:29pm

Chris, $2,000 really isn't that much for a fine quality piece of craftsmanship like this set. Conversely, how much have you spent on your [[PSN]]? at least twice that much, probably a lot more, and that's on kiddy games that you don't even own physical copies of - those games aren't really yours, you're basically just renting them from the distributor. Digital distribution is a terrible investment because if the PSN ever goes down or Sony sells it or something, you would just up and lose all that you had. $4,000 right down the shitter. I think THAT'S outrageous - you talk about how I don't "need" things like these chopsticks or any other hobby, but you don't include your own silly hobby in that statement. But we've discussed that before. But you didn't really offend me, you just kind of confused me.

Anyway, I'll inputt your suggestion for the cell phone into consideration. But for the mean time, I am still saving every cent I have for my chopsticks! :)

And I really like the letter! It was very well-put. Although I notice a factual inaccuracy: You say that Sony is not to blame for the hacking and data loss, but that's actually not true. Sony was incredibly inept, complacent, and careless about how they handled their customers' data, there was NO encryption whatsoever on personal information, it was like they just put peoples' credit cards on a silver platter and said "here you go trolls, come get some". But before this happened they claimed they did have encryption, which means they lied to their customers too. See? They have NO respect for their users, you included. What an awful, awful company.

Well, I gotta go to bed. Goodnight!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 7, 2011 9:54pm

Yes, I do not deny spenidng the vast amount over the PSN in small
amounts that accumilated over time. I just feel that in the current
economical times, the lesser expensive items are just as good, and in
cases better, than the more expensive. Like paying $200 or so for a
fancy pen which may not or may be refillable or reusable after being
emptied or used up, when I can pay less than a dollar for an [[Wikipedia:Pentel|R.S.V.P.]]
brand pen which IS refillable, and it comes in multi-packs too.

And yes, one can blame Sony for faulty security, but it is still the
Trolls' fault for taking advantage of the situation. At least security
improvement is in the works, and I feel better for stepping forward and
admitting my fault in the situation. Aside from the bad, some good has
and will come from this. Justice against the Trolls! I still won't
feel peace of mind until at Least the [[Cwcki]] is down for good, and at
most in any Google search of my name, will show slim results or ONLY
Good Things about me. It irritates me that there is soo much hate
against me on the internet.

But I digress. I would like to inform you that even though I feel
little trust in you at the time, I still care about you, Jackie. I
really want you to earn my heart back, because we can only trust so
many people around us in the world. I seriously would do my best for
you and me in the relationship, but I want to feel like you can show me
your best in return. Do you understand what I am talking about?

I'll e-mail you later.
Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 7, 2011 11:49pm

Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Your video game purchases weren't "small amounts", they were sometimes in the hundreds of dollars per month. Honest workers lose their jobs and go broke and homeless while you get the collector's edition of new [[PS3]] games that comes out. To follow your pen analogy, you spend $100 on a video game that often you'll never touch again after playing it for a month (as shown by your PSN activity). And what does the current economical times have to do with your situation? You keep getting your same monthly tugboat, and buying new games, no matter how people who actually have to earn their living are suffering. I just don't think you are in a position to be saying anything about the economy, or my behvior in reaction to it.

I thought you were done with the internet? You swore off of it a long time ago. Why do you still care what's on the [[internet]]? The cwcki isn't going to stop you from getting a job or anything like that. The kinds of jobs you apply for, like [[Wal-mart]] and [[McDonalds]] and so forth, do not google your name; they hire [[Barbara Chandler|ex-cons]] and former drug addicts, they regularly hire people that would be considered "[[Christian Weston Chandler|unhireable]]" by other employers, they don't care about their employees past. And many people have told you that and shown you proof of that. So you're either done with the internet or you're not, which is it?

And what have I done to earn your mistrust? I haven't done shit to you. I didn't release your pictures, so why should you not trust me? Why should I have to "earn" your trust? You were never interested in earning my trust. What exactly do you want me to do? I think we should start with a blank slate, otherwise I don't see how this can work.

Honestly, you're just confusing the hell out of me.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 8, 2011 1:56pm

Well, my concerns that confuses my feelings include when right after
our first breakup there were previously confidential words that were
exchanged which were later posted on the Cwcki. Lars went out, came
back, then left again. I sense your feelings are still strong for him. You put chopsticks that won't care for you back over getting in better
in touch with someone who already does care about you. And not to
mention my currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls, ill feels for a
long-distance relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my
feeling discomfort in communication through digital text that only lead
to a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person
and/or in vocal. I feel frustration from being by myself for real
without someone to talk with and/or be by my side for real. With these
issues, I feel clouded and confused myself. *sigh*

Resetting to a blank slate at the moment is easier said than done. I
can't feel easier peace of mind remaining by myself facing a monitor
instead of the emotionally changing at the respectful situation
(smiling or neutral prefferred), pretty face of yours.

I may still be communicating online on Rare occassions or ONLY for a
Few close people, but on a choice if I had one, it is Still Real Life
and In Person or Bust for me. I still Discourage Socializing Online
regardless.

And I will keep my finiancial opinions to myself for a while.

TTYL. Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 8, 2011 5:43pm

Hey Chris. I have a few points to respond to you in regards to your concerns. They are as follows:

<s>Lars went out, came back, then left again</s> Your old gal-pal [[Ivy]] died in an elevator accident, then you referred to me by her in not one but two addresses to me. I sense your feelings are still strong for <s>him</s> her. You put <s>chopsticks</s> your Playstation 3 that won't care for you back over <s>getting in better touch with</s> a new computer in order to stay in communication with someone who already does care about you. And not to mention my <s>currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls</s> disappointment in your unwillingness to be honest with me <s>ill feels for a long-distance any relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my feeling discomfort in communication through digital text</s> your continual renegging of promises that you made to me that only lead to <s>a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person and/or in vocal</s> me getting nothing while you continue to play the victim card and act like I'm being unreasonable when all I want is for you to give effort without me having to ask for it.

Bottom line, I did the math, and we do need to clear the slate. But it turns out it's YOU who's in the red, not me. So how would you like to go about this? Is there anything you can think of that you can do to wipe it all clean? I mean, I know it looks daunting because there's so much history of dishonesty and deceit on your part. But I believe in you, Chris! I'll try to think of things you can do to bring us back to square one, but try to come up with some ideas on your own too. It would make me so ecstatic to wake up one morning soon and see a perfect idea of how you're going to do it in my inbox! Ooh, I'm shivering with anticipation!!! :D :D :D

Jackie}}
{{Email|May 9, 2011 9:23am

I forgot to ask one more thing, Chris. Answer me this: Why are you feeling mistrust toward me for my allowing my computer to get hacked and emails to get stolen from me, while at the same time you are defending Sony for their PSN getting hacked and your pictures stolen from them? What's the difference? You expect me to go above and beyond to earn your trust back but Sony doesn't have to do anything. Why do I earn mistrust while you still rush to defend Sony when the exact same thing happened?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 10, 2011 7:11pm

For your information, I have long gotten over Ivy, AND that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me.

And in response to your later question, there is little difference
between the two issues.

I feel frustration mostly from the internet communication and my
reluctance to online socializing. With the two factors cooenciding
with each other, it leaves me feeling the less trust with people I
haven't met in person. beforehand. With my past experiences with the
internet, how else am I supposed to feel?

I am soo complicated.

Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 11, 2011 6:43pm

Hey Chris.

I'm sorry if I kind of shocked you with the way I phrased my previous emails, but I felt it was appropriate to use the wording that I did, because I needed to show you how my perspective of your words looked. I didn't mean to make it like a rude thing or anything, and I'm sorry for bringing up Ivy. I just thought it would help if I showed how your words looked in relation to some of the things I have brought up with you in the past. Like, how you question my buying the chopsticks instead of buying a cell phone to communicate with you, even though you chose to buy video games instead of getting a PC that would allow you to communicate with me. I thought it was a valid point to make, since it looks like total hypocrisy on your part, and I don't want you to be a hypocrite. And like you say, there is little difference between the two issues.

And on a related note, I don't think you should worry about internet communication being a problem, because I would really be bringing up the same exact questions and concerns whether we were in person, over the phone, or email, or whatever. I know the trolls have bothered you but that really has nothing to do with our communication with each other. The internet is just the medium, the things I say are the same no matter what.

Well anyway, since we've come to a consensus on that, I'll keep you posted on how my chopstick hunt is going, but I'm going to hold out til I can get the pair that really satisfies me. Anyway, how's your dad doing? Is he still at home or has he had to go back to the hospital? You must be really worried sick about him, I kind of feel silly for not having asked how you're feeling about him recently. How is your mom doing? What about other stuff?

XOXO

Jackie

P.S. Here's another set I'm interested in: [http://tinyurl.com/bvcfwk6]

Wish me luck!!}}
{{EmailReply|May 11, 2011 10:05pm

Yes, the rewording in that past e-mail left me feeling befuddled. At
least you and I have come upon mutual emotional agreement in the past
issues. I think I am starting to feel in a better state of mind about
the thing between us, but I still feel iffy in the heart at the moment. Yes, I think we can restart on a clean slate here. I still feel that
it is of importance that you and I meet in person ASAP, so let me know
when you'll be in C-Ville visiting your family again or whatever so
scheduling the meet is a good-to-go.

My dad is still at home faring okay, and my mom is okay too.

I also feel a bit of a moron, because I've forgotten some of your
details, except from what I remembered, including the C.T.D.s being
your favorite band, you attending [[Wikipedia:Mary Baldwin College|Mary Baldwin College]], working with
the newsletter as a journalist and bunkin' with your roomies. Please
refresh my memory, including your birthday (was it in June?). I'm soo
sorry for forgetting, it has been a while.

I'm gonna go shower now. I'll e-mail ya later.

Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{EmailReply|May 12, 2011 10:23pm

I'm feeling better adjusted to the emotional reset between you and me,
Jackie. I also looked up your past profile entry on the Cwcki; it
bothers me that after I said to myself that I would NOT go onto the
Cwcki to refresh my memory then I did. It does however take me back to
finding you back on [[OKCupid]], followed by the same article in [[The Hook Cafe|the Hook]],
a couple of years ago. You requested for an older man (and I, a
younger woman; both of us old-fashioned), good build, good smile and
good sense of style; also an outgoing person. Someone who doesn't Need
to be with someone, but wants to with knowledge of how amazing it can
be. I was soo lonely, and I had the bod and smile. Yet it took me a
while longer to find my better sense of style. I have had the great
awareness of how amazing True Love between man and woman was and is.
Upon retrospect I felt it was a need back then, yet throughout, I have
always Wanted to feel the Amazing.

You and I have had and still have the latter in common between us, and
now there is more. Now we can actually share styles and makeup.

In the past communications between us, there Was a mutual spark. Now I
understand to withhold the beyond like feelings during pre-in-person
meet communications. I mean, I Like you, Jacklyn, and I do care about
you as a person and a woman; I have to be cautious to not go too far
emotionally prematurly.

Do you feel the same about me at this time, Jackie? Do you still like
and care about me truly, yet feel like wanting to go further
emotionally but can't due to the distance and not having met in person
yet?

People have taken it soo far with their online socializings and what
they post on their pages; unlike them, I was just not ready at all to
be famous, even so cheaply. And yet those who think they're ready to
be famous when really they are not still volunteer lewd images and
converse details and secrets that should not be shared at all. And to
follow are vicious people who will remotely blackmail, smear and hate
those previously innocent people who lacked the understanding or
fullest social networking skills to prevent the hate campaignes from
happening to them. I was no different... I was no different. And all
I can do now is minimize internet communication and warn other people
to NOT become internet famous, NOT to share any private information or
footage at all and to socialize ONLY in real-life because it is way
better and more valid to make eye-contact and watch the other people's
expressions and body language. Internet Socializing inhibits
self-confidence in the Essential Real-Life social situations.

But I digress. I await your next e-mail.

Stay Safe, Jackie.
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 13, 2011 2:08pm

Hey Chris!

I'm glad you're feeling better about our blank slate beginnings. And I much enjoyed reading your recollections of our meeting on the Hook. You bring me back to the good old days of the nostalgia of our first encounterings. ;) Yes, I'm so glad I met you when I did. I posted all those silly things about wanting someone with a good well-muscled body, who was outgoing, and goal-driven, and successful, and all those superficial things. But then I met you, who had none of those qualities, and I began to see what really mattered - having one's heart in the right place. I mean, just think, if it wasn't for the internet, which allows for a person to show parts of themselves that would be hidden in real life encounters, I probably wouldn't have given you a second glance. Before you I was soo used to guys like Lars, who worked out and were physically strong, and who spent all their time out doing things and working and such. I never imagined that someone like you could have such a strong heart hidden under so much apathy and gristle. God Bless the internet for breaking us out of our rigid shells!! :) :) :)

And I'm glad you see it's important to not take things too quickly in the initial stages. We need time to grow and redevlop the trust and mutual feelings during this, our blank slate development. We need to take the time to build ourselves up once again, as we once did. Yay, I'm so excited Chris!! :D

Anyway, I know how difficult your pursuit of fame, power, and glory became for you. You saw how quickly [[Sonichu]] developed fans after you created it, and you became drunk on your e-fame. I remember you used to talk about wanting to turn Sonichu into your multi-million dollar business franchise - you wanted so badly to make Sonichu into a professional comic book, a video game, a kid's cartoon show... heck, you even wanted to build a Sonichu-themed shopping mall. Such grandiose aspirations... and all your fans, bless their poor naive souls, were no help to you; by feeding you such attention they didn't help you combat your ever-growing ego and vanity. I'm glad that you saw the evil path you were treading and chose to do away with those demons, to do away with your infernal tempter Sonichu. That comic was No Good for your soul and well-being and it took a strong person to admit that Sonichu was bad and that you needed to abandon it, which you did. Kudos, my lovely darling. In the end, your desire to keep your soul overpowered your desire for financial gain. I'm so proud of you :)

Well anyway, thank you for writing, you made my day. I'll write more later. But hey, in the next email, why don't you tell me a little bit about how your mom and dad are doing, and how your relationship with them is going? I'm sure you must have a lot on your mind regarding them, and it seems like you haven't written much about them to me (I hope you weren't trying to spare me from any negative feelings that are going on, I want to be able to support you and listen to anything you might want to say). I'll talk to you soon!!!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 14, 2011 5:54pm

I appreciate the encouragement and appreciation in your reply, but I
have to inform you of a couple of "on the contraries". I am not
"apathetic"; I am FULL of emotions, and I do not lack feeling. I have
good Empathy. And while you have made the true point of being drunk
with power through fame, I actually have felt struggle and frustration from the amount of brainwork it took to respond to the fans and the
Trolls. Sometimes it is okay to think big on some things, and yes
there is still a limit on that. Like I did NOT have an idea for a
"Sonichu-Themed" Mall, and the [[Cwcville Shopping Center]] is not of any
particular theme. Although it did have the amount of ME in it, and it
has the built-in Mayoral Office. Also I am NOT finished with Sonichu;
I have a lot more in mind for the comic series; I am awaiting
inspiration to get back to drawing on a daily basis, as well as taking
the time to find myself, go out an socialize, find the truest love and
romance, somehow get all that hate campainge against me off of the
internet, finding financial security from employment and maybe finding
a place for myself away from this house or otherwise get the clutter of
my mom and dad out of here and donated to Goodwill or something
eventually.

And as for my mohter and father, there is little to hide about them.
Mom and Dad are both seinor citizens at 69 and 83 respectively. Dad's
a retired egineer from G.E. who also designed the controls for the
plastic molding machines, so without him, you wouldn't have the plastic
casing of things like your keyboard or as simple as a plastic funnel.
Mom was mostly employed in secretarial-type work in a few places
including Virginia Power and F.N.A.N.B. (First North American National
Bank). They're good people, but their mindset is little up-to-date;
they're not all that modern with the trends. Like for example, they're
still not used to me being a tomgirl, and they're against me wearing
makeup and nail color. And I wear my skirts behind their back as well. I wish they would accept the feminine fact and let me be, so I
wouldn't have to hide it from them. But the Trolls did get the photos
and wind, and they have pestered them into worse paranoia. Do not
believe everything that is on the internet about them either.

Something else I'll let you in on about myself; I do enjoy the chick
flicks as well as the romantic comedies and classic musicals. I'm game
for flicks among the other genres well. I'm up for the occational
thrill from a thriller or horror flick... come to think of it, I may
have told you about that before with my enjoying the story of John
Kramer, A.K.A. Jigsaw in the "[[Saw]]" movies. Please let me know if I
bring up anything I've already mentioned before.

And please ask me about anything else you'd like to know about. I'm
coming up blank on topics, but I do make reminder notes of
to-be-mentioned topics for reference; I need to think up some more.
Please verify for me if your birthday is coming up in June or when is
it?

TTYL. Stay Safe,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 14, 2011 10:43pm

Hey there Chris!!

Hey, I appreciate the position you're coming from, but you have a couple errors in there. I'll point them out for you, and also I'll bring up some questions I have about each of your points:

-The word "apathetic" doesn't have anything to do with emotions, at least not in the way you think. It means passive, unconcerned, unmotivated. Because, you know, you have trouble getting motivated to think of things to do or work to pursue, or to actually put any legwork into any of your projects or ventures to get them off the ground.

-I know that your fans bothered you with all their questions - that's part of what made you so drunk on your power. Because you were more concerned with what your fans could do for you, but you didn't really care about the thoughtfulness and concern you owed them in return for their long-time faithfulness (I think their feeling unappreciated was a big reason a lot of them left to follow Asperchu, wasn't it?).

-You certainly DID have an idea for a Sonichu-themed shopping center! It's all detailed right here: http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cwcville_Shopping_Center
It was a project you did in your [[CADD]] class in college, and I know I've heard you speak before about how it was a major project that you would like to put into reality at some point (I think when you spoke to that one girl's father a couple years ago you talked about it).

-I don't understand what you mean about Sonichu. You say you have inspiration for ideas, but then you say you DON'T have inspiration? Which is it? I mean, I'd love to see you start working on your artwork again, but it's been a year and a half of you doing absolutely nothing so you're going to have to forgive me for assuming you stopped caring. What ideas do you have for the series? For that matter, what ever happened with that [[trollbusters]] comic you were going to do? You had this huge plot outlined for the first issue but then you just dropped it and that was months ago. Are you still planning that one too? What other art/design projects are you planning currently? (Any new comic websites on the horizon? Oh hey, have you ever seen [[My Little Pony]]? You should make a tomgirl pony!!! It's cutie mark can be the tomgirl symbol!! That would be so rad!!!! :D)

-You have mentioned a lot about wanting to get a job, become financially secure, and move out of your parents. Those are all good ideas, but what have you done to actually pursue it? Where have you been applying recently? This is especially important considering that you're saying getting a job and becoming financially independent is a prerequisite for working on other goals. (That's why I say you're kind of apathetic; you talk a lot about your noble intentions but you never seem to want to put any work into it.)

As for your parents, that's all the basics, but don't you have anything else to say? I mean, you tell me not to believe everything I read about them on the internet, but the cwcki has over ten times the information on them that you just gave, and a lot more detailed too. Don't you ever converse with them? Don't you care about them? I mean, your dad just had cancer and major surgery, he ALMOST DIED. I would think that when I ask you to talk about your father, you would at least have something to say about that, but instead you just give me a little blurb about the most basic details, and then switch the conversation to how they bother YOU. You know, I understand that you are annoyed they aren't being very supportive of your transition to tomgirlhood, but you have to consider that your lifestyle changes are coming at the same time as your father and mother have to deal with life-threatening cancer. That's something that is taking a LOT of their energy to deal with. You really don't have a right to just demand that they put their priorities on hold and open their hearts without delay to whatever is going on in YOUR life, especially when you aren't willing to do the same for them.

Anyway, I had a bunch more to write but it's getting late and I have to get to bed, so I'll write more later. Goodnight!!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 14, 2011 10:57pm

I want to add something to my response to the Q about my parents. I
care about my mother and father a LOT. Given on how old they are, the
recent hospital drama we're still recovering from, and I'm working on
myself, I feel sad talking about them these days. Plus, between them,
they're arguing half the time, and I have been in the middle soo much;
frustrating. But in their own way they are generally good people.

My mother is a country-raised tomboy gal who worked through school,
been in and out of a few exes, one of which gave her my half-bro,
[[Cole Smithey|Joseph Cole Smithey]]. And he has had mental problems since he hit his
head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother. Then
finding and marrying my father, being the great wife and mother of me
she was throughout the years. She has done a lot and suffered through
hard times with my [[autism]]. She deserves the grandest award there ever
is, including my love and care for her while she puts up with her hubby.

My father was well-educated, became drafted into the signal corp of the
Army in WWII, stationed in Korea (before the split). Married one time
before my mom, during which he had my other half-bro, [[David Alan
Chandler]] and my half-sis, [[Carol Chandler|Carol Suzzane Chandler]]. Working between a
number of General Electric plants designing, working and all that. He
found and married my mama and put up with me too. Yet he picked
arguments with me and mama throughout. He also raised me on music and
the golden oldie musicals and got me started on the gaming world with a
Commodore 64 computer. His abilities have slowed down over the years,
and he was 53 upon my conception, so he was a Seinor ALL of my life. I
did not have much of a father figure to look up to, as he was fading on
and on and still truckin' with his [[Cherokee]] blood.

They both have done a lot for me throughout my life, and I will always
appreciate their deeds and all, and I will continue to care about them
both. But I have a life of my own too, and I feel crestfallen when
going into details of my fading family and the situation I feel traped
in, which are details for another time post-meeting.

sigh

I'll e-mail again later.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 15, 2011 9:48am

Well, it's all well and good for you to SAY that your parents deserve better, but mostly you just complain about how they aren't serving your desires and whims. And once again, you just gave me kind of an encyclopedic little blurb about them which contains basic information I could find on the cwcki. I mean, your father almost dies from cancer, and you have nothing new to say about your relationship with him, just the same old complaining about him "starting arguments". I bet if I talked with your mother or father and asked about their relationship with you, they could go on for hours about you. I thought you wanted to start with a blank slate so we could build a talking relationship that wasn't based on only video games and toys; I don't really see why you refuse to talk about more serious subjects until some arbitrary point after we meet, but whatever.

<nowiki>~~~LE SIGH~~~</nowiki>

Anyway, I attached an image of some My Little Ponies I created! Maybe you can work them back into Sonichu now that you're working on it again, or your new comic, whichever one you're doing. (When are you going to have the first pages ready?) They are a tomgirl and tomboy pair of ponies by the names of KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash (KaKa is on the left, Brony on the right). You should take them and use them!!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 15, 2011 5:33pm

I do have conversations with my mom and dad now and then, and they have
confided secrets in me before. It's mostly topics I have already heard
before which I can recollect about half or so of the grand latter. And
I do not "demand" that much from, and on the topic, I have rarely
"demanded" or expected Anything from my fans. Among topics, I learned
to try mixing appropriate edibles into a combination which mostly makes
it better in taste. Recently, my father suggested putting pork/beans
and sliced hot dog into a baked potato. He also likes to add his own
spices into the spaghetti from Sabaro's. I have remembered some of the
makeup and styling ideas from what I had learned from mother throughout
my life, as well as organization and following instructions to the
letter.

Back to the fans, having them AND the trolls in the mixed blender of
confusion, I always have felt appreciation of their support, and I have
felt disgust for the hate. Eventually, it became that much harder to
tell one from the other, so I was mostly blank and confused in response
without being sure how to respond, and no response or a neutral
response was all I could come up with. I Rarely "expected" or
"demanded" anything from them (the one time exception was when [[Fanmail Reading|someone
purchased as a gift the download of Half-Life 2 through Steam]]; I
responded with a "thank you, but I'm not a PC Gamer; I would have
better appreciated the Orange Box on PS3".

It's hard for me to get motivated to do some things, because I get that from my parents as well. Being in their years the past few years, they
hardly self-motivate themselves individually. Plus With my paranoia of
what can be found in the background check, regardless of rather or not,
and there ARE rumors that can get around. I applied to the new
Wal-Mart and McD in Ruckersville; supposedly NO background required,
right? NO, I never got a call back from Wal-Mart, even after reminding
them, and I was not hired after the Interview at McD. Rumors do fly
from the internet.

And I have little knowledge or aid in being able to move out of this
house; my SSI is under my father's name and SS#, so I'm stoned there.
Money is tight for me, and I am unable to pawn off anything at this
time after pawning off all of the older consoles and stuff, and I can't
do eBay or whatever for the unpawnable stuff I have. So I need
in-person help with all that.

I appreciate your artpiece of custom ponies, and it looks very nice. I
am not using any ponies in any of my comic pages, because they're not
really cannon with Sonichu and Rosechu. The Mall is [[Cwcville]]-Themed;
NOT Sonichu-Themed. I do not deny designing it, and if I had the
chance and the grand amount of money, I would buy Fashion Square and
have it rebuilt into the two-story mall of my design (with or without
the mayor office). Or if my family had the money, we would take the
old restaurant building in front of the Circuit City building in
C-Ville and turn it into a Meet, Eat and Greet Bar and Restaurant (my
father's idea; Emphasis on Meet and Greet). I have all of the ideas
for the future comic pages, but like my parents, I do as I feel. But I
have a LOT of details in my head from reality, that I find it hard to
focus talent-wise and feel blessed even to be able to focus on my
social skills and beauty improvement. And I have been going out more
for Karaoke and Fridays After 5 and such.

And you and I can discuss adult topics; all you have to do is bring
them up so I can respond appropriately and better think of more topics
of my own to bring up as well. Like for example, [[Twin Falling Towers|the death of Osama]]; I
am neutral on the topic. It is sad that another human being was
killed, but on the other hand, he WAS a terrorist and we're better off
without him. My father is against the death, though; he's responded to
it as a total murder on Obama's head. Maybe it's not the best example,
but it does emphasize that you and I CAN talk about adult topics and
current events and whatever; it does not have to be toyful, gamey or
cartooney.

And there ARE complicated details between me and my family and whatever
that I don't feel comfortable telling you over e-mail, and I promise
you that when the time is right and we have met in-person, I will share
them with you in strictest offline confidence. And even though I have
lied before, we are starting on a clean slate, and I promise you that I
will tell you only the truth, ONLY withholding deeper truths for
offline confidentiallity.

I'll have to re-read the other questions you have typed in your recent
e-mail that I have missed addressing before I address them in my reply.

I'll e-mail you later.
Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 16, 2011 8:46pm

Being around people who aren't motivated to do anything is no excuse for not motivating yourself, whether they're your parents or not. Especially when you KNOW that it's happening. I've known plenty of people in my life who are lazy and don't do anything with themselves, that doesn't excuse me from not having to do anything. Whether your parents are lazy or not - that has nothing to do with you, it doesn't matter. You are responsible for your OWN actions and behavior, not them. You're 30 years old, it's not their job to force you to do things to take care of yourself and improve your life.

As for Wal-Mart and McDonalds, you have no idea why they didn't hire you. Maybe they just hit their quota and your application came at a bad time. You can't just assume that your internet reputation and the cwcki are responsible. You have NO reason to assume that is the case; I told you, employers don't sit around and google applicants. How many places have you applied for besides those two? Or are they the only places you applied? And both were MONTHS ago. Where have you been looking for a job RECENTLY? Do you know how many jobs I have applied for in my life that I didn't get? DOZENS. And there is no website or group of trolls tarnishing my reputation, so how do you explain all those places that didn't hire me? But I still find employment because I KEEP LOOKING. And you've been using the excuse for years that you have "little knowledge" of how your tugboat works. It's your responsibility to go learn and figure it out, you know. I don't think anyone wants to hear you complain about how bad things are for you when you refuse to try to fix your problems yourself. If you actually tried and still failed and THEN asked for help, I think people would be a lot more sympathetic to you and willing to help. But you don't try, you just beg others to do the legwork for you.

But you know, speaking of the tugboat check, there's no possible way that check is not in your name. That money is YOURS, not THEIRS. YOU are the disabled person; that means the government issues it to you. You need to stand up to your parents and tell them that you are holding the banana, not they, and they need to respect that. You say how unmotivated they are, so what are they doing with that money of yours? Probably nothing. Don't just accept your dad's handwave that his SSI number means he controls the money. Confront your parents and find out the truth!

Well anyway, even if you don't want to use KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash in Sonichu, I'd love to see what they look like if you drew them. Maybe you could start up a new comic featuring them, and then run it concurrently with Sonichu and Trollbusters. When are you bringing those two back again, by the way? (Or not "bringing back" Trollbusters I guess, since you never actually started it. But when will you be starting it?) Or maybe you could just draw a portrait poster of my two ponies or something. But I don't really get what the difference is between CWCville and Sonichu, CWcville is the location that Sonichu is set in; that would be like saying if I drew a Gotham City comic that it wasn't Batman-related, even though Batman is based in Gotham City. So really, it was a Sonichu-themed mall.

Well, I gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 17, 2011 5:33pm

I am not 30 Yet. Those people MAY have met their quota in employees.
I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader. I do
not know what else I can inform you about that has to do with why I
further fear looking for a job. But I DO know that Most People who
Hire actually DO perform Background Checks. Regardless of Troll input,
I still feel fear on What IS found in my Background Check. I do not
know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on
me, and all things considered, I do not think or feel that I want to
know.

I will draw the two ponies for you another day; I stand behind my mall
NOT being Sonichu Themed; I can, and Will, use the city of Cwcville as
the Hometown of Cal and Dee^2, the TrollBusters. On that note, would
you be saying the mall is TrollBuster-Themed also? You can not mix
themes in that sense. The Mall is a Mall, and its ONLY theme is
C.W.C.; Christian Weston Chandler; ME. I don't want to further discuss
it.

I have also just been in another emotional family drama. Last Sunday,
My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm
turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I
would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my
own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer;
murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much.
And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional
rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come
downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse
thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long
Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the
mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been
holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of
hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son
of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to
wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can
not be seen in public with this short-hair mess.

Yesterday, I go out to Wal-Mart with my father, and I find and purchase
some Shampoo and Conditioner from Garnier Fructise's Length and
Strength Brand to prayfully grow my hair back more quickly from what
would have been MONTHS. She cut off Two Inches; that's about 4 Months. This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social
Progress with the [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better
Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also
have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered
them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a
plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing
my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and
recovery. I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now
while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there
is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us. I will continue to run
errands and shop for her and dad, and we're talking again.

My head Feels a Bad Kind of Naked now. Answer a question for me,
please, Does a Hair Salon ACTUALLY have an immediate hair growth
solution for styling and such?

And now that we're on the subject, please tell (or remind) me of your
family; mom, dad, siblings, etc. I think you're familar with my half
brothers and sister.

E-Mail ya later.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 18, 2011 8:43pm

Hey Chris. In order to better answer the points you made, I'm going to break down your email into quoted segments and respond to each individually:

''"I am not 30 Yet."''
Oh, excuse me, 29 and change. Huge difference.

''"I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader."''
Then stop pretending like you are one. Stop pretending like you know for a fact that your internet reputation is the reason you haven't been hired.

''" But I DO know that Most People who Hire actually DO perform Background Checks."''
Of course you know that employers perform background checks. I know you know that because you have had background checks explained to you in detail a hundred times over, most of the time by myself.

''"I do not know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on me"''
Yes, yes you do. I have explained to you COUNTLESS TIMES what a background check is. A background check is an automated program in which the employer checks to see if you have any FELONIES ON YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. As I have gone over with you MANY times, you have NO felonies to your name (the incidents with the police at the Game Place and Fashion Square were NOT felonies, your record is clear), so an employer's background check would cause NO PROBLEM for you. You have no excuse for not acknowledging this. But even if you don't believe I know what I'm talking about, why don't you take the effort to go learn from a source with more expertise?

''"I do not think or feel that I want to know."''
That much is evident. Sticking your head in the sand seems to be the only thing you DO want to do.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. How come you just sit and let her cut your hair? You could have gotten up and left, it's not like she could physically hold you down. I understand you feel bad about calling her a bitch but I understand why you did it; she obviously put you in a very bad place by betraying your trust like that.

Let me ask you, I know Rocky is helping to search for a job for you, but have you thought about asking her with help moving out? I think your relationship with your parents would be a lot smoother if you were out of the house and had freedom to pursue your goals without being mocked and judged by them. I think you should talk to her about it.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 19, 2011 8:02pm

Yes, I could have backed out and went back upstairs from my mother, but
at the moment, I was feeling fear, and I had the default mental preset
of honoring thy mother. Plus I also felt mentally paralyzed. I'm
praying for quicker hair growth, I'm using Garnier Fructise brand
Length & Strength Shampoo & Conditioner items, and I have a wig that is
adaquate enough for me to be seen in until when my hair grows back.

I have asked Rocky on looking for a way for me being able to move out
and into a place based on my Autism; the details of the deal are mostly
over my head, and I understand only like one or two things of it.

Let's talk about more pleasant things for a while (more or less). I
remembered it was you who recommended "[[DivineTrial|Pink Flamengos]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Cannibal Holocaust|Cannibal Holocaust]]" to me. I would still like to be reminded of some of the
other things you've told me before. And I would still like to read
about your family. I pray they are still doing well.

Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession
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|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 25]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 27]]
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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 26]]

Jackie E-mails 25

2013-05-10T01:00:54Z

ShotgunJones:

More e-mails between Chris and Jackie

Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent.

{{Email|April 25, 2011 5:40pm

Yes, I know that you're straight, you really don't need to convince me. Although I'm still not sure why you have these visceral vomiting reactions to seeing another penis, normal straight people don't have that, but whatever.

I thought you were over the Game Place? I mean, we talked for months about you getting over it because it is long in the past It really seems like a serious issue that you retain these violent, hateful thoughts for years and years like that. And considering that we talked for hours and hours about the incidents at the Game Place but you were unwilling to accept that your behavior was in any way wrong, I'm willing to bet that Michael Snyder didn't think your apology was sincere (How can you apologize properly for something when you believe you haven't done anything wrong?) Have you ever considered pursuing some sort of psychotherapy/counseling? You know to be honest, that's one of the reasons I didn't really want to start calling you yet, because I wanted to see if you had become willing to pursue self-improvement in the months since we last talked. I mean, you still have all your video games that you play all day, but that's not good enough, you also need to be able to go play Pokemon cards with children at the Game Place? In my humble opinion, you need therapeutic help with your anger problems much more than you need to play Pokemon cards or video games, and just like you said I would consider which is more of a "want" or a "need". (Besides, didn't you tell me that the reason you screamed out loud and got yourself banned was because all the children making noise and ruckus stressed you into screaming in the first place? Why do you want to go back to a situation that caused you so much stress?) And as an aside, I think it's pretty selfish that you would want the Game Place to burn down and for no one else to enjoy it just because you can't.

But here's an idea for you: You know how they say that when you are really angry at a person, you should write a letter to that person telling them how you feel but not send it? Well, I would suggest this: How about you draw a picture of you burning the Game Place down? Put all your hatred and rage into that picture, make it really visceral and detailed. And don't send it to Mike Snyder or anyone else, just send it to me. Or Dana too. I think it would be very therapeutic for you to do, and also a lot more productive than just thinking about it. Tell you what, get that drawing to me by Wednesday night. I can't wait to see it!

Well anyway, it's your choice if you want to get over your problems and impress me or not, I won't force you. But I'm glad that we're opening a dialogue again. Hey, try not to feel too bad about what your mother is saying. It sucks that she's not being very supportive of your changes, but you know that you have people like me and Dana who recognize that you're doing what you need to be happy. And yes I did get the photos! They look so amazing!! I love the confidence and poise that you display in those photos, that tells me you're doing the right thing. Do you have a date for when you're getting the tattoo yet? I really look forward to seeing the pictures of that! Also, have you considered maybe getting some heels to wear? They make you taller... and you know how us girls like tall men ;)

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 26, 2011 8:40pm

I am happy to hear your praise for my Tomgirlish ways. :) Yes, I have thought of getting a pair of heels; I will be doing that soon enough too; also a denim skirt. It will be about mid-next-week when I get the
tattoo.

On the Place topic, yes I still have the chip on my shoulder, but Rocky continues to hear me out there; I'm good. And on another hand, I've "been there, done that" on the fire-starting drawing of the Place. The other day, I drove by there, took a photo of the store front with my DS, and later drew TNT boxes and flames on the photo digitally. But I did not send it to Dana; I sent it over the PSN under one of my secondary accounts to a confirmed troll, then deleted the original message from my end and all traces of the jpeg photo from my PS3, DS and the SD memory card. This was like over a week ago, and since I have not seen it on the CWCki's recent uploaded photo log, it is obvious to me that nothing will come out of that anyway. Upon retrospect, sending it to a troll was wrong, and if I had thought of sending it to Dana instead, I would have. *inserts foot into mouth*

A fun story on another topic, I have recently imagined myself dressed in my feminine outfit and makeup in a bar full of lesbians (I got the silly idea that I would likely fit in at a lesbian bar). LOL I found a successful woman in the bar, we talked; she was fascinated with my stories; I liked her too; we went back to her place; I warned her that I was actually a male; she was surprised, yet curious and willing to try me; we did it. And here's a fun, kinky part, we did it in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag. Again, this was only pretend in my head. If this turns you on, good. It was fun for me anyway. :)

I've been busy this week; my father was put back into the hospital under his doctor's orders for examination of his heart and such. He'll be back out by or before Friday. My mom and I have been visiting him each day for 3 or 4 hours. Mom kisses and hugs him before we leave; it is sweet. On the similar topic, apparently one of my Manchester High Class of 2000 classmates is working at Martha Jefferson. I have not met her yet, but I left a note with my number on it for a meet and greet arrangement. Talkin' about the old days and whatnot. Plus I may be able to track one or two of my closer classmates with her help. If not, I'll still have a classmate for a friend within my current life.

Also recently, I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. I would not recommend the product. And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream (Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my nipples. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few dreams. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth. :)

I'll check in again later.

Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 26, 2011 10:47pm

Hey Chris!

Well, maybe you should ask Rocky to actually help you get over those unchristian thoughts of revenge, but I am very happy that you're already one step ahead of me about getting it out of your system. Who exactly did you send that altered photo to? And I don't think I understand, why did you want it on the cwcki? Kind of too bad, if you wanted it to find its way there you could have asked me for help getting the trolls to bite it up. Well, tell you what: Do the picture again for me. Make it even better this time! I can't wait to see it. Draw the Game Place burning to the ground with you dancing on its rubble, happy to have justice done. Or photoshop it like you did the first time, either one works. Do you think tomorrow is soon enough to get it completed? Probably won't take you more than an hour or two. Get it to me tomorrow! :D

That's an odd fantasy that you bring up about the lesbian thing. Actually, it's really funny that you mention it: The other night I had a dream that was basically the exact same thing! Well, actually it was that you picked me up in a bar (We didn't previously know each other in the dream), and then you took me home and we started to make out and we were going to have sex. But then in the dream, I was secretly a man! And when I told you so, at first you were shocked, but open-minded, and we had hot passionate mansex. We did lots of erotic frottage in that dream. Isn't that funny that we had the exact same dream? I guess erotic minds think alike ;)

And hey, that's really great about your old classmate! Why don't you call her and try to set up lunch or something? It would really be great for you to catch up with her and maybe find some other of your old friends through her. Let me know what she says!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 28, 2011 7:09pm

The burn-down is not a big deal; I sent it to PSN user, tricomri; obviously he didn't log in for a while. So, for the better, nothing
bad will come from it. I do not need to do it over again; it is behind me.

In response to your dream, I thank you for sharing. At first after reading it, I felt a little disgust, but I have had my own thing where I would have you wear a strap-on, so in that view, it is not so farfetched.

I gtg; TTYL. Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 28, 2011 7:25pm

Well, you're still fantasizing about the Game Place being burned down, and it's extremely apparent that you still hate Michael Snyder, so obviously it's not behind you. Besides, it's not only about you, it's about me too. If you did it for some random guy on your friends list, you can do it for your girl, right? I asked you to do it for me. So do it for me! Have the Game Place on fire, and Michael Snyder on his knees crying over losing his life's worth, and then you and Sonichu dancing around the wreckage laughing and pouring gasoline on the building (to show Sonichu helped you). And also, you should show yourself lecturing Mike Snyder, explaining exactly what he did wrong and why he deserved what happened to him. And put your full effort into it - color it this time, don't be lazy and skimp like you did on those issue 10 trial redux pages I asked for. I was hoping to see it by today. Get it to me by Saturday.

Anyway, I still don't understand exactly why you wanted the drawing to go on the cwcki. I thought you didn't want new details and stuff to go on there? So why would you want this picture there? And how do you know this tricomri guy is even a troll? I've never heard his name before.

Well, gtg; I look forward to the picture. Saturday!

Jackie}}
{{Email|April 30, 2011 1:34pm

Chris, is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a couple days. Is your dad doing okay?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 30, 2011 9:52pm

My father is fine. I sent you a message about Thursday. I went to watch "Grease" at the Paramount Friday with the Young Adult Group.

I:l( I just found ALL of ny tomgirl photos on the CWCki. I am feeling shock, crestfallen; uncertainty.

That's all I am going to say for now until I get my laptop.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 1, 2011 12:38am

What??? How did they get out???

I'm really sorry that happened Chris. Was it because the PSN got hacked? I heard that the hackers made away with a whole bunch of peoples' personal data, like credit card information, login info, and such. They say this is one of the biggest ever leaks of personal information. I've been reading about it here: [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/gamesblog/2011/apr/29/psn-hack-industry-reactions]

I understand you're feeling down from that, so don't worry if you don't feel like talking much right now. But I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

Jackie}}
{{Email|May 2, 2011 5:30pm

Hey, Chris? What's going on? I know you're sad about the PSN being down but really, I don't get why you're just ignoring me. I guess if you aren't interested in reconnecting, that's your prerogative. Hope some other girl is actually able to capture your interest.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 2, 2011 11:06pm

For your information, Jacklyn, my life does not revolve around video games and the friggin' Network, although I do keep up-to-date on the restoration progress on the Blog, so I am well-aware.

NO! I am feeling more ticked with the Trolls right now, and with due respect, you. I have deleted ALL of the messages and photos I have shared in Better confidence with Dana after sending them off. It IS my fault however on authorizing the sharing my recent photos with you. Considering your History of sharing the stories, AND photos and art, of you and me since our first break up with the Trolls. And since then in our off-and-on relationship(?), I have seen "Leaked" e-mails from between you and me on the Cwcki and their damn websites against me. It's either them having direct access with YOUR computers, or you lying to me and possibly keeping a secret that you have become ONE OF THEM. I even remember your past excuse of Lars leaking our stuff to them as well. That and "your friend" will NOT fly with me. I feel disappointment and lack of trust with you. I am sorry, and I empathize with how sad you probably feel from reading this, because I do not like to hurt my friends, but this is the truth.

You WANT me to Earn Your Trust; well You have to Earn My Trust, WITH Interest. I will not be sharing photographs and confidential information with you again until you have earned it.

I would very much like a Successful, Lasting Relationship with a woman as pretty, sweet, trusting and kind as you Used to be. Obviously when there is little to no trust between you and me mutually, I'm afraid it is hard for me to see a future in the relationship between us, and that makes me feel really sad. *sigh*

Jacklyn, Prove me wrong in my theories; Earn My Trust. Think long and deep about that.

Stay Safe. Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 3, 2011 2:10pm

Oh boy, Chris...

First of all, I have NO idea how your pictures got out. My friend that I told you about swears up and down that she kept it secret, and she doesn't even know who you are on the internet or about your past so she would have no reason to care about releasing them. She doesn't even HAVE copies of them. And so what if you deleted your pictures and messages after sending them? For all you know, Sony keeps archives of every message sent by its users without telling them. They already were proven to have lied once, they claimed that their credit card information storage was encrypted but it wasn't, which resulted in a whole lot of peoples' credit cards getting available to the hackers. Maybe when you "delete" something on the PSN it doesn't actually STAY deleted on Sony's servers. Have you thought about the fact that Sony might be screwing you over this time?

Secondly, you act like I have nothing better to care about than your troll activities and as if my entire existence revolves around you and your antics. I have a lot of things going on Chris, and among them I don't have time to give a shit about releasing your photos to trolls, or joining trolls, or BECOMING ONE OF THE TROLLS, as you suggest. Lars did release shit on you in the past but he isn't involved in this anymore, I haven't even told him you and I started talking again. And what do you mean, Lars and my friend will ""not fly" with you?? Are you accusing me of being a liar? How many times have you lied to me??? Only one person out of the two of us has a history of being caught repeatedly lying and warping the truth, and it's not me. Everything I have said to you has been true.

Thirdly, why is it such a big damn deal that those pictures are out? You go out dressed like that in public anyway. Given how obsessive some of those trolls are, I'm surprised none of them have captured photos of you outdoors already anyway. So what if they're laughing at you on their website? What exactly has changed by this?

Fourthly, how arrogant of you to say I have to earn your trust "WITH INTEREST". I spent countless hours talking with you and trying to forge a connection, and how did you respond? You acted like I owed you sex. You whined and complained whenever I asked you to do even the tiniest thing, and even when you did give way and do what I asked, you did it in the laziest, most slapdash method possible, all so you could get back to spending time playing more video games. Rather than you come see me, you wanted ME to come see YOU. You wanted ME to give up what I was doing to entertain YOU. What about just recently, when you got upset that I wanted to buy my new chopsticks? You said I should know the difference between a "want" and a "need", even though you yourself dropped everything so you could go buy a damn PS3 (that you claim your life does not revolve around). Funny how your "needs" apparently encompass toys while everyone else is only allowed to "need" what you think they should need.

But fair enough, I admit that you have reason to be a bit nervous because of the PAST information releases (even though I apologized for doing the email releases A YEAR AGO because I was mad, and I wasn't responsible for anything else after that). What exactly would you have me do to earn your trust? Tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can work with and what's feasible.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 3, 2011 8:04pm

I'm still reading thoroughly your reply. I will respond in detail in a day or two.}}
{{EmailReply|May 5, 2011 1:42am

Dearest Jacklyn

First and Foremost, I owe you a huge apology, Jacklyn. I have conversed with Dana earlier tonight, and she has confirmed for me the
fact of all sent messages and attached images over the PSN were saved on Sony's database in addition to on the sender's and receiver's
consoles. Jacklyn, I am sorry for accussing you of the photos getting in the Trolls' hands, and I am sorry for thinking you were in league with those fiends. I was feeling shocked, embrrassed, mortified and all out paranoid. It is my fault that the photos were put on an online server of any kind; once it's online, it's still going to be somewhere on there for good. And I am sorry for blaming your friend too. For my apologies, I ask only for forgiveness in respect.

On another topic, the leaked e-mails and the discussion which among which made me feel distrust towards you. All I ask in respect to that is you getting your cell phone ASAP (regardless of your chopsticks coming first), and meeting me in person ASAP as well, with due respect for your breakup recovery.

I have also just read that those among my Trolls HAVE hacked into the PSN, as it is described in their May 4th blog entry. A deliberately planned file was put into their servers under the name "Anonymous" and under the subject, "We are Legion". I was victim of the Anons, and I have received or read of their "Legion" before. I have prayed that My Trolls and Cyber Bullies would be found and tried in Sony's and FBI's investigations, and the downfall of ALL of the websites against me, especially the Cwcki, for good to follow. It looks like God is finally answering my prayers for giving due justice to my Trolls, and for this news, I am grateful. Yet I can't help but feel like the PSN hacking was relatively MY fault as well. I have egged the Trolls back for their mocking me, smearing my name and all that. And adding jealousy into the mix when they heard of my SSI, followed by them learning of the majority of my spendings and whatnot.

I will continue to withhold all photo files in any e-mails and such sendings and uploadings. But I will inform you this in confidence. To answer your question of the importance of the tomgirl photos, having them online and being made mockery of not only adds humilation to my emotions, but also they KNOW of my long hair and my current features; I am retargeted for real-life Trolling, and this enables them to recognize me. I did not want to be recognized in public. They have been calling my parents, increasing their paranoia of me "turning queer" from the makeup and all, when that is NOT the case. I will Always be Straight. It is bad enough that my parents both lack trust in me to a certain level that their paranoia takes over their elder minds. I feel that the only way they May begin to accept me as a Tomgirl is if I actually bring home a woman who sincerely likes me for all of who I am, including being a Tomgirl, wearing the makeup and all that. I have to change my shoes and such and put on makeup when I am AWAY from the house, leaving it in my past clothes (panties and bra remained concealed, so that's not much of an issue). And I have to change back and remove the makeup before entering the house again. Plus mom and dad are paranoid of me being targeted to be Killed for being soo different, but that's outdated theories that need to be updated. And they scare me with recent deaths, such as three who have died in Green County recently; Dana confirmed for me that those individuals died of Drug Overdose. I wish I did not have to conceal my makeup, feminine clothes and tomgirl ways in front of them; it saddens me and frustrates me.

sigh

I'm still recovering from my family giving me hell in that category on my way out yesterday and shouting angrily at me.

On another topic, the Sylvania "Smartbook" isn't working out as much for me as I had thought, and it is not upgradeable, even in downloadable software. I will save up and do better for a laptop in a month or two.

I'll e-mail you later. Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.

P.S.

In the "with interest" comment I made in the previous e-mail, it was NOT meant to be sexual; I meant solely for like things like keeping promises and confidential secrets and the like.}}
{{Email|May 5, 2011 8:54pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you for your apology. It was very sweet of you to be so forthcoming, and it takes a big man to admit his mistakes. I forgive you ;)

Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to talk at the moment but I just wanted to say that. Also, I'll definitely be getting a new phone as soon as I have some cash available, but in the meantime I'm still saving up for my chopsticks. This is the pair I really want, take a look! :)
[http://tinyurl.com/bmjcbos]

I gotta go, but I'll write more later. Night!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 6, 2011 10:08pm

First, let me offer my initial response to your last message's second
topic. I do not mean to give you a hard time; it's only an initial
response from surprise. $2,000 for a pair of chopsticks? I would say
that is outrageous if I didn't know better of you getting them locally
for less (correct me if I'm wrong). You could be getting that cell
phone for less than $100.

I apologize if I offended you with the statement.

Onto another topic of importance, last night, I have hand-written an
8-page press-release documenting the details of my trolled experiences
and my apology for egging the Trolls in response. I will be typing the
document for yours, and Linnea's, reference. Plus, in your case, Jacklyn,
it would make a good article for your newsletter.

I'll TTYL.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{EmailReply|May 6, 2011 10:38pm

Subject: Re: PlayStation Network Hacking Issue

To All Who are concerned,

My name is Christian Weston Chandler; alias, Christopher, of
Ruckersville, VA, U.S.A. PSN ID: "Sonichu".

I take pen in hand as not only one of millions of PlayStation 3 Owners
and Network Members, or a concerned individual on the Great, Vast topic
of Trolls, Cyber-Bullies, Anons, etc., but as a Victim of these fiends.

I have read on the May 4th PlayStation Blog entry @
blog.playstation.com, the confirmation of the sophisticated and planned
bug-planting from "Anonymous" with the message, "We Are Legion". I
have prayed throughout the PSN outtage since mid-April, 2011 that Sony
and the Federal Beural of Investigation would find all of MY Trolls,
who have been bothering me since November of 2007, starting with their
Hate and name-Smearing Campaigne against me on the now deceased
Encyclopedia Dramatica website.

I was, and still am (in a bad way), Internet Famous. I am the original
creator of the Electric-Hedgehog Pok'emon, Sonichu and Rosechu; I have
drawn a number of comic books, by hand, of some of their, and mine,
adventures. But at around Book 5 or 8, the Trolls have affected me,
and became obscenely intrusive in my head; Too Many Cooks in my work.
A MAJOR batch of thorns pinching and aching my nerves.

To the point, I erroniously for Years egged the Trolls back; responding
time and again to their mocking me, slandering my once good name,
destroying me with a terrible internet reputation full of lies and
exaggerations. I was also tricked, deceived, blackmailed, etc. of a
lot of my own personal information. And contrary to what they say
about me, and of utmost importance to me, I AM Heterosexual; I am
attracted to Women. It ticks me off to be grossly mislabled otherwise.

Over the years, the trolls continue to get more and more personal info from me through Hacking into MY Online accounts from my e-mail, to identity theft through my debit and credit cards, AND Destroying ALL of my websites including "CWC's Sonichu Site", The First and Original
Sonichu and Rosechu website, created solely from my hands, and the last
to fall from my control, the later updated "Cwcipedia". The Trolls
have created among their websites, The Worst of their sites to slander,
hate and smear my name, The "Cwcki". They have also hacked into MY
PlayStation Network Account not Once, but THREE Times, getting my
Purchase History, Out of Jealousy, or something of their twisted
reasons, because from my High-Functioning Autism having a monthly
Social Security Income. I can not help it at this point, because
thanks to those fiends, Any Background Check on me from applying for a
Job or Work... INSTANT NO-HIRE! I man, Google My Name; ALL
HATE-CAMPAIGNE. I also LOST my MySpace and Facebook accounts to those
fiends. If I had ANY hacking skills, I would have Counter-Attacked the
Trolls and cleared my name, but I have no such skills at all. And for
about Two Years now, I have ceased Socializing Online, AND I heavily
discourage Everyone from Socializing Online. The whole world is
becoming more and more Anti-Social AND Autistic-Like from Online
Socializing. It is No Good.

It is REAL LIFE Socializing Or Bust For Me!!!

And Because of my trials of responding and egging them on, and it
leading them to hacking my PSN account, I feel, in association, it is
my fault the PlayStation Network was hacked in the first place, leading
to their sophisticated attack last April and the exposure of Sony's
faulty security and all this.

I feel bad, because from egging the Trolls on in my past immaturity in
response, it has caused a lot of grief, troubles and problems to the
good people at Sony. Yet on the other hand, I feel good, because from
my past addressed notes and concerns I called and told them before and
all, the security of the PSN is being addressed greatly, the F.B.I. is
closing in on the Trolls more, and finally Justice May be Served
Greatly to ALL of those fiendish Trolls.

In my past, my family and I have received phone calls that were obscene
and abusive from these Trolls as well. We have reported them to the
Police. We had trouble trying to, and finally reaching, report to the
F.B.I., and even talking to Congressman, Tom Perrillo. Sadly, The
Police have done Very Little to help us; the F.B.I. have not been able
to help us either, and Perrillo has flaked out on us too; NOTHING. He
is a bad man to us.

And all the while, The Trolls continue to hurt and affect us
emotionally and mentally with their Trolling us, Me in real life with
unwanted photo-taking of me and uploading them for twisted Troll
reasons, and such; Mind Control-Like! My family and I are paranoid,
ticked off and emotionally worse of these Trolls and Cyber-Bullies.

What I am saying here is Sony is NOT TO Blame for the Data-Hacking,
Loss and all. It is the Trolls, Cyber-Bullies and Anons who ALL should
be sued for this outtage and soo much more.

And because I egged them back, I feel like I am at fault as well, and I
am greatly sorry for that.

What should be done from this point on is pure and simple; Do Not
Respond to Any Troll Attacks; Just Delete All e-mails, voice-mails and
snail-mails that insult you or ask for very personal information. And
if you know, or are related, to any suspicious people with hacking
knowledge or too may Personal Computer items in their possession,
REPORT THEM To your local Police Department or F.B.I., or any
authoritive person.

When we do our part, we can put an end to Cyber-Bullying, Trolling and
their "Anonymous" and "4-Chan" Groups, and all unrequired, unwanted
smear and hate campaignes of innocent people like me and you for GOOD.

Have a good and safe day.

(signed) Christian Weston Chandler.
May 5, 2011}}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession
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|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 24]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 26]]
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{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 25]]

Template:Emails

2013-05-10T01:00:27Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Navbox
|title= [[Emails]]
|name=Emails

|group1 = Misc. early emails
|list1 = [[Chris E-mails 2004-2006|2004‒06]] • [[Chris E-mails 2007|2007]] • [[Chris E-mails 2008|2008]]

|group2 = [[Megan Schroeder]]
|list2 = [[Megan Emails, 2005-2006|2005‒06]] • [[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Jan‒July 2007]] • [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007|Aug‒Dec 2007]] • [[Megan Emails, 2008|2008]]

|group3 = [[Vivian Gee]]
|list3 = [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2007-2008|2007‒08]] • [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|2009]] • [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|2010]]

|group4 = [[Blanca Weiss]]
|list4 = [[Blanca Emails, August 2008|Aug]] • [[Blanca Emails, September 2008|Sept]] • [[Blanca Emails, October 2008|Oct 2008]] • [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|Letter]]

|group5 = [[Clyde Cash]]
|list5 = [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays]] • [[Miyamoto Saga]] • [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] • [[Clyde E-mails]]

|group6 = [[PS3]] Saga
|list6 = [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails|Jack Thaddeus]] ([[Jack Thaddeus E-mails|1]] • [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 2|2]] • [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 3|3]]) • [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]] • [[Katie Bay]] ([[Katie Bay e-mails 1|1]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 2|2]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|3]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 4|4]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 5|5]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 6|6]]) • [[Regina e-mails]] • [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]

|group7 =[[CWCipedia]] [[Mailbag]]
|list7 =[[Mailbag 1|1]] • [[Mailbag 2|2]] • [[Mailbag 3|3]] • [[Mailbag 4|4]] • [[Mailbag 5|5]] • [[Mailbag 6|6]] • [[Mailbag 7|7]] • [[Mailbag 8|8]] • [[Mailbag 9|9]] • [[Mailbag 10|10]] • [[Mailbag 11|11]] • [[Mailbag 12|12]] • [[Mailbag 13|13]] • [[Mailbag 14|14]] • [[Mailbag 15|15]] • [[Mailbag 16|16]] • [[Mailbag 17|17]] • [[Mailbag 18|18]] • [[Mailbag 19|19]] • [[Mailbag 20|20]] • [[Mailbag 21|21]] • [[Mailbag 22|22]] • [[Mailbag 23|23]] • [[Mailbag 24|24]] • [[Mailbag 25|25]] • [[Mailbag 26|26]] • [[Mailbag 27|27]] • [[Mailbag 28|28]] • [[Mailbag 29|29]] • [[Mailbag 30|30]] • [[Mailbag 31|31]] • [[Mailbag 32|32]] • [[Mailbag 33|33]] • [[Mailbag 34|34]] • [[Mailbag 35|35]] • [[Mailbag 36|36]] • [[Mailbag 37|37]] • [[Mailbag 38|38]] • [[Mailbag 39|39]] • [[Mailbag 40|40]] • [[Mailbag 41|41]] • [[Mailbag 42|42]] • [[Mailbag 43|43]] • [[Mailbag 44|44]] • [[Mailbag 45|45]] • [[Mailbag 46|46]] • [[Mailbag 47|47]] • [[Mailbag 48|48]] • [[Mailbag 49|49]] • [[Mailbag 50|50]] • [[Mailbag 51|51]] • [[Mailbag 52|52]] • [[Mailbag 53|53]] • [[Mailbag 54|54]] • [[Mailbag 55|55]] • [[Mailbag 56|56]] • [[Mailbag 57|57]]• [[Mailbag 58|58]] • [[Mailbag 59|59]] • [[Mailbag 60|60]] • [[Mailbag 61|61]] • [[Mailbag 62|62]] • [[Common Questions]]

|group8 = [[The Wallflower]]
|list8 = [[Wallflower E-mails|1]] • [[Wallflower E-mails 2|2]] • [[Wallflower E-mails 3|3]] • [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]]

|group9 = [[Jackie Romy]]
|list9 = [[Jackie E-mails|1]] • [[Jackie E-mails 2|2]] • [[Jackie E-mails 3|3]] • [[Jackie E-mails 4|4]] • [[Jackie E-mails 5|5]] • [[Jackie E-mails 6|6]] • [[Jackie E-mails 7|7]] • [[Jackie E-mails 8|8]] • [[Jackie E-mails 9|9]] • [[Jackie E-mails 10|10]] • [[Jackie E-mails 11|11]] • [[Jackie E-mails 12|12]] • [[Jackie E-mails 13|13]] • [[Jackie E-mails 14|14]] • [[Jackie E-mails 15|15]] • [[Jackie E-mails 16|16]] • [[Jackie E-mails 17|17]] • [[Jackie E-mails 18|18]] • [[Jackie E-mails 19|19]] • [[Jackie E-mails 20|20]] • [[Jackie E-mails 21|21]] • [[Jackie E-mails 22|22]] • [[Jackie E-mails 23|23]] • [[Jackie E-mails 24|24]] • [[Jackie E-mails 25|25]] • [[Jackie E-mails 26|26]]

|group10 = Other
|list10 = [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole Smithey]] • [[Autism Awareness E-mails|Autism Awareness]] • [[Muscle bra#The bra e-mail|Muscle bra]] • [[Masturbating and squirtin'|Evan E-mails]] • [[White knight E-mails]] • [[Mailbag]]
}}
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Jackie E-mails 26

2013-05-10T00:59:27Z

ShotgunJones: Created page with "More e-mails between Chris and Jackie Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent. {{Email|May 6, 2011 11:29pm Chris, $2,000 ..."

More e-mails between Chris and Jackie

Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent.

{{Email|May 6, 2011 11:29pm

Chris, $2,000 really isn't that much for a fine quality piece of craftsmanship like this set. Conversely, how much have you spent on your PSN? at least twice that much, probably a lot more, and that's on kiddy games that you don't even own physical copies of - those games aren't really yours, you're basically just renting them from the distributor. Digital distribution is a terrible investment because if the PSN ever goes down or Sony sells it or something, you would just up and lose all that you had. $4,000 right down the shitter. I think THAT'S outrageous - you talk about how I don't "need" things like these chopsticks or any other hobby, but you don't include your own silly hobby in that statement. But we've discussed that before. But you didn't really offend me, you just kind of confused me.

Anyway, I'll inputt your suggestion for the cell phone into consideration. But for the mean time, I am still saving every cent I have for my chopsticks! :)

And I really like the letter! It was very well-put. Although I notice a factual inaccuracy: You say that Sony is not to blame for the hacking and data loss, but that's actually not true. Sony was incredibly inept, complacent, and careless about how they handled their customers' data, there was NO encryption whatsoever on personal information, it was like they just put peoples' credit cards on a silver platter and said "here you go trolls, come get some". But before this happened they claimed they did have encryption, which means they lied to their customers too. See? They have NO respect for their users, you included. What an awful, awful company.

Well, I gotta go to bed. Goodnight!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 7, 2011 9:54pm

Yes, I do not deny spenidng the vast amount over the PSN in small
amounts that accumilated over time. I just feel that in the current
economical times, the lesser expensive items are just as good, and in
cases better, than the more expensive. Like paying $200 or so for a
fancy pen which may not or may be refillable or reusable after being
emptied or used up, when I can pay less than a dollar for an R.S.V.P.
brand pen which IS refillable, and it comes in multi-packs too.

And yes, one can blame Sony for faulty security, but it is still the
Trolls' fault for taking advantage of the situation. At least security
improvement is in the works, and I feel better for stepping forward and
admitting my fault in the situation. Aside from the bad, some good has
and will come from this. Justice against the Trolls! I still won't
feel peace of mind until at Least the Cwcki is down for good, and at
most in any Google search of my name, will show slim results or ONLY
Good Things about me. It irritates me that there is soo much hate
against me on the internet.

But I digress. I would like to inform you that even though I feel
little trust in you at the time, I still care about you, Jackie. I
really want you to earn my heart back, because we can only trust so
many people around us in the world. I seriously would do my best for
you and me in the relationship, but I want to feel like you can show me
your best in return. Do you understand what I am talking about?

I'll e-mail you later.
Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 7, 2011 11:49pm

Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Your video game purchases weren't "small amounts", they were sometimes in the hundreds of dollars per month. Honest workers lose their jobs and go broke and homeless while you get the collector's edition of new PS3 games that comes out. To follow your pen analogy, you spend $100 on a video game that often you'll never touch again after playing it for a month (as shown by your PSN activity). And what does the current economical times have to do with your situation? You keep getting your same monthly tugboat, and buying new games, no matter how people who actually have to earn their living are suffering. I just don't think you are in a position to be saying anything about the economy, or my behvior in reaction to it.

I thought you were done with the internet? You swore off of it a long time ago. Why do you still care what's on the internet? The cwcki isn't going to stop you from getting a job or anything like that. The kinds of jobs you apply for, like Wal-mart and McDonalds and so forth, do not google your name; they hire ex-cons and former drug addicts, they regularly hire people that would be considered "unhireable" by other employers, they don't care about their employees past. And many people have told you that and shown you proof of that. So you're either done with the internet or you're not, which is it?

And what have I done to earn your mistrust? I haven't done shit to you. I didn't release your pictures, so why should you not trust me? Why should I have to "earn" your trust? You were never interested in earning my trust. What exactly do you want me to do? I think we should start with a blank slate, otherwise I don't see how this can work.

Honestly, you're just confusing the hell out of me.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 8, 2011 1:56pm

Well, my concerns that confuses my feelings include when right after
our first breakup there were previously confidential words that were
exchanged which were later posted on the Cwcki. Lars went out, came
back, then left again. I sense your feelings are still strong for him. You put chopsticks that won't care for you back over getting in better
in touch with someone who already does care about you. And not to
mention my currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls, ill feels for a
long-distance relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my
feeling discomfort in communication through digital text that only lead
to a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person
and/or in vocal. I feel frustration from being by myself for real
without someone to talk with and/or be by my side for real. With these
issues, I feel clouded and confused myself. *sigh*

Resetting to a blank slate at the moment is easier said than done. I
can't feel easier peace of mind remaining by myself facing a monitor
instead of the emotionally changing at the respectful situation
(smiling or neutral prefferred), pretty face of yours.

I may still be communicating online on Rare occassions or ONLY for a
Few close people, but on a choice if I had one, it is Still Real Life
and In Person or Bust for me. I still Discourage Socializing Online
regardless.

And I will keep my finiancial opinions to myself for a while.

TTYL. Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 8, 2011 5:43pm

Hey Chris. I have a few points to respond to you in regards to your concerns. They are as follows:

Lars went out, came back, then left again Your old gal-pal Ivy died in an elevator accident, then you referred to me by her in not one but two addresses to me. I sense your feelings are still strong for him her. You put chopsticks your Playstation 3 that won't care for you back over getting in better touch with a new computer in order to stay in communication with someone who already does care about you. And not to mention my currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls disappointment in your unwillingness to be honest with me ill feels for a long-distance any relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my feeling discomfort in communication through digital text your continual renegging of promises that you made to me that only lead to a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person and/or in vocal me getting nothing while you continue to play the victim card and act like I'm being unreasonable when all I want is for you to give effort without me having to ask for it.

Bottom line, I did the math, and we do need to clear the slate. But it turns out it's YOU who's in the red, not me. So how would you like to go about this? Is there anything you can think of that you can do to wipe it all clean? I mean, I know it looks daunting because there's so much history of dishonesty and deceit on your part. But I believe in you, Chris! I'll try to think of things you can do to bring us back to square one, but try to come up with some ideas on your own too. It would make me so ecstatic to wake up one morning soon and see a perfect idea of how you're going to do it in my inbox! Ooh, I'm shivering with anticipation!!! :D :D :D

Jackie}}
{{Email|May 9, 2011 9:23am

I forgot to ask one more thing, Chris. Answer me this: Why are you feeling mistrust toward me for my allowing my computer to get hacked and emails to get stolen from me, while at the same time you are defending Sony for their PSN getting hacked and your pictures stolen from them? What's the difference? You expect me to go above and beyond to earn your trust back but Sony doesn't have to do anything. Why do I earn mistrust while you still rush to defend Sony when the exact same thing happened?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 10, 2011 7:11pm

For your information, I have long gotten over Ivy, AND that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me.

And in response to your later question, there is little difference
between the two issues.

I feel frustration mostly from the internet communication and my
reluctance to online socializing. With the two factors cooenciding
with each other, it leaves me feeling the less trust with people I
haven't met in person. beforehand. With my past experiences with the
internet, how else am I supposed to feel?

I am soo complicated.

Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 11, 2011 6:43pm

Hey Chris.

I'm sorry if I kind of shocked you with the way I phrased my previous emails, but I felt it was appropriate to use the wording that I did, because I needed to show you how my perspective of your words looked. I didn't mean to make it like a rude thing or anything, and I'm sorry for bringing up Ivy. I just thought it would help if I showed how your words looked in relation to some of the things I have brought up with you in the past. Like, how you question my buying the chopsticks instead of buying a cell phone to communicate with you, even though you chose to buy video games instead of getting a PC that would allow you to communicate with me. I thought it was a valid point to make, since it looks like total hypocrisy on your part, and I don't want you to be a hypocrite. And like you say, there is little difference between the two issues.

And on a related note, I don't think you should worry about internet communication being a problem, because I would really be bringing up the same exact questions and concerns whether we were in person, over the phone, or email, or whatever. I know the trolls have bothered you but that really has nothing to do with our communication with each other. The internet is just the medium, the things I say are the same no matter what.

Well anyway, since we've come to a consensus on that, I'll keep you posted on how my chopstick hunt is going, but I'm going to hold out til I can get the pair that really satisfies me. Anyway, how's your dad doing? Is he still at home or has he had to go back to the hospital? You must be really worried sick about him, I kind of feel silly for not having asked how you're feeling about him recently. How is your mom doing? What about other stuff?

XOXO

Jackie

P.S. Here's another set I'm interested in: [http://tinyurl.com/bvcfwk6]

Wish me luck!!}}
{{EmailReply|May 11, 2011 10:05pm

Yes, the rewording in that past e-mail left me feeling befuddled. At
least you and I have come upon mutual emotional agreement in the past
issues. I think I am starting to feel in a better state of mind about
the thing between us, but I still feel iffy in the heart at the moment. Yes, I think we can restart on a clean slate here. I still feel that
it is of importance that you and I meet in person ASAP, so let me know
when you'll be in C-Ville visiting your family again or whatever so
scheduling the meet is a good-to-go.

My dad is still at home faring okay, and my mom is okay too.

I also feel a bit of a moron, because I've forgotten some of your
details, except from what I remembered, including the C.T.D.s being
your favorite band, you attending Mary Baldwin College, working with
the newsletter as a journalist and bunkin' with your roomies. Please
refresh my memory, including your birthday (was it in June?). I'm soo
sorry for forgetting, it has been a while.

I'm gonna go shower now. I'll e-mail ya later.

Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{EmailReply|May 12, 2011 10:23pm

I'm feeling better adjusted to the emotional reset between you and me,
Jackie. I also looked up your past profile entry on the Cwcki; it
bothers me that after I said to myself that I would NOT go onto the
Cwcki to refresh my memory then I did. It does however take me back to
finding you back on OKCupid, followed by the same article in the Hook,
a couple of years ago. You requested for an older man (and I, a
younger woman; both of us old-fashioned), good build, good smile and
good sense of style; also an outgoing person. Someone who doesn't Need
to be with someone, but wants to with knowledge of how amazing it can
be. I was soo lonely, and I had the bod and smile. Yet it took me a
while longer to find my better sense of style. I have had the great
awareness of how amazing True Love between man and woman was and is.
Upon retrospect I felt it was a need back then, yet throughout, I have
always Wanted to feel the Amazing.

You and I have had and still have the latter in common between us, and
now there is more. Now we can actually share styles and makeup.

In the past communications between us, there Was a mutual spark. Now I
understand to withhold the beyond like feelings during pre-in-person
meet communications. I mean, I Like you, Jacklyn, and I do care about
you as a person and a woman; I have to be cautious to not go too far
emotionally prematurly.

Do you feel the same about me at this time, Jackie? Do you still like
and care about me truly, yet feel like wanting to go further
emotionally but can't due to the distance and not having met in person
yet?

People have taken it soo far with their online socializings and what
they post on their pages; unlike them, I was just not ready at all to
be famous, even so cheaply. And yet those who think they're ready to
be famous when really they are not still volunteer lewd images and
converse details and secrets that should not be shared at all. And to
follow are vicious people who will remotely blackmail, smear and hate
those previously innocent people who lacked the understanding or
fullest social networking skills to prevent the hate campaignes from
happening to them. I was no different... I was no different. And all
I can do now is minimize internet communication and warn other people
to NOT become internet famous, NOT to share any private information or
footage at all and to socialize ONLY in real-life because it is way
better and more valid to make eye-contact and watch the other people's
expressions and body language. Internet Socializing inhibits
self-confidence in the Essential Real-Life social situations.

But I digress. I await your next e-mail.

Stay Safe, Jackie.
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 13, 2011 2:08pm

Hey Chris!

I'm glad you're feeling better about our blank slate beginnings. And I much enjoyed reading your recollections of our meeting on the Hook. You bring me back to the good old days of the nostalgia of our first encounterings. ;) Yes, I'm so glad I met you when I did. I posted all those silly things about wanting someone with a good well-muscled body, who was outgoing, and goal-driven, and successful, and all those superficial things. But then I met you, who had none of those qualities, and I began to see what really mattered - having one's heart in the right place. I mean, just think, if it wasn't for the internet, which allows for a person to show parts of themselves that would be hidden in real life encounters, I probably wouldn't have given you a second glance. Before you I was soo used to guys like Lars, who worked out and were physically strong, and who spent all their time out doing things and working and such. I never imagined that someone like you could have such a strong heart hidden under so much apathy and gristle. God Bless the internet for breaking us out of our rigid shells!! :) :) :)

And I'm glad you see it's important to not take things too quickly in the initial stages. We need time to grow and redevlop the trust and mutual feelings during this, our blank slate development. We need to take the time to build ourselves up once again, as we once did. Yay, I'm so excited Chris!! :D

Anyway, I know how difficult your pursuit of fame, power, and glory became for you. You saw how quickly Sonichu developed fans after you created it, and you became drunk on your e-fame. I remember you used to talk about wanting to turn Sonichu into your multi-million dollar business franchise - you wanted so badly to make Sonichu into a professional comic book, a video game, a kid's cartoon show... heck, you even wanted to build a Sonichu-themed shopping mall. Such grandiose aspirations... and all your fans, bless their poor naive souls, were no help to you; by feeding you such attention they didn't help you combat your ever-growing ego and vanity. I'm glad that you saw the evil path you were treading and chose to do away with those demons, to do away with your infernal tempter Sonichu. That comic was No Good for your soul and well-being and it took a strong person to admit that Sonichu was bad and that you needed to abandon it, which you did. Kudos, my lovely darling. In the end, your desire to keep your soul overpowered your desire for financial gain. I'm so proud of you :)

Well anyway, thank you for writing, you made my day. I'll write more later. But hey, in the next email, why don't you tell me a little bit about how your mom and dad are doing, and how your relationship with them is going? I'm sure you must have a lot on your mind regarding them, and it seems like you haven't written much about them to me (I hope you weren't trying to spare me from any negative feelings that are going on, I want to be able to support you and listen to anything you might want to say). I'll talk to you soon!!!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 14, 2011 5:54pm

I appreciate the encouragement and appreciation in your reply, but I
have to inform you of a couple of "on the contraries". I am not
"apathetic"; I am FULL of emotions, and I do not lack feeling. I have
good Empathy. And while you have made the true point of being drunk
with power through fame, I actually have felt struggle and frustration from the amount of brainwork it took to respond to the fans and the
Trolls. Sometimes it is okay to think big on some things, and yes
there is still a limit on that. Like I did NOT have an idea for a
"Sonichu-Themed" Mall, and the Cwcville Shopping Center is not of any
particular theme. Although it did have the amount of ME in it, and it
has the built-in Mayoral Office. Also I am NOT finished with Sonichu;
I have a lot more in mind for the comic series; I am awaiting
inspiration to get back to drawing on a daily basis, as well as taking
the time to find myself, go out an socialize, find the truest love and
romance, somehow get all that hate campainge against me off of the
internet, finding financial security from employment and maybe finding
a place for myself away from this house or otherwise get the clutter of
my mom and dad out of here and donated to Goodwill or something
eventually.

And as for my mohter and father, there is little to hide about them.
Mom and Dad are both seinor citizens at 69 and 83 respectively. Dad's
a retired egineer from G.E. who also designed the controls for the
plastic molding machines, so without him, you wouldn't have the plastic
casing of things like your keyboard or as simple as a plastic funnel.
Mom was mostly employed in secretarial-type work in a few places
including Virginia Power and F.N.A.N.B. (First North American National
Bank). They're good people, but their mindset is little up-to-date;
they're not all that modern with the trends. Like for example, they're
still not used to me being a tomgirl, and they're against me wearing
makeup and nail color. And I wear my skirts behind their back as well. I wish they would accept the feminine fact and let me be, so I
wouldn't have to hide it from them. But the Trolls did get the photos
and wind, and they have pestered them into worse paranoia. Do not
believe everything that is on the internet about them either.

Something else I'll let you in on about myself; I do enjoy the chick
flicks as well as the romantic comedies and classic musicals. I'm game
for flicks among the other genres well. I'm up for the occational
thrill from a thriller or horror flick... come to think of it, I may
have told you about that before with my enjoying the story of John
Kramer, A.K.A. Jigsaw in the "Saw" movies. Please let me know if I
bring up anything I've already mentioned before.

And please ask me about anything else you'd like to know about. I'm
coming up blank on topics, but I do make reminder notes of
to-be-mentioned topics for reference; I need to think up some more.
Please verify for me if your birthday is coming up in June or when is
it?

TTYL. Stay Safe,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 14, 2011 10:43pm

Hey there Chris!!

Hey, I appreciate the position you're coming from, but you have a couple errors in there. I'll point them out for you, and also I'll bring up some questions I have about each of your points:

-The word "apathetic" doesn't have anything to do with emotions, at least not in the way you think. It means passive, unconcerned, unmotivated. Because, you know, you have trouble getting motivated to think of things to do or work to pursue, or to actually put any legwork into any of your projects or ventures to get them off the ground.

-I know that your fans bothered you with all their questions - that's part of what made you so drunk on your power. Because you were more concerned with what your fans could do for you, but you didn't really care about the thoughtfulness and concern you owed them in return for their long-time faithfulness (I think their feeling unappreciated was a big reason a lot of them left to follow Asperchu, wasn't it?).

-You certainly DID have an idea for a Sonichu-themed shopping center! It's all detailed right here: http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cwcville_Shopping_Center
It was a project you did in your CADD class in college, and I know I've heard you speak before about how it was a major project that you would like to put into reality at some point (I think when you spoke to that one girl's father a couple years ago you talked about it).

-I don't understand what you mean about Sonichu. You say you have inspiration for ideas, but then you say you DON'T have inspiration? Which is it? I mean, I'd love to see you start working on your artwork again, but it's been a year and a half of you doing absolutely nothing so you're going to have to forgive me for assuming you stopped caring. What ideas do you have for the series? For that matter, what ever happened with that trollbusters comic you were going to do? You had this huge plot outlined for the first issue but then you just dropped it and that was months ago. Are you still planning that one too? What other art/design projects are you planning currently? (Any new comic websites on the horizon? Oh hey, have you ever seen My Little Pony? You should make a tomgirl pony!!! It's cutie mark can be the tomgirl symbol!! That would be so rad!!!! :D)

-You have mentioned a lot about wanting to get a job, become financially secure, and move out of your parents. Those are all good ideas, but what have you done to actually pursue it? Where have you been applying recently? This is especially important considering that you're saying getting a job and becoming financially independent is a prerequisite for working on other goals. (That's why I say you're kind of apathetic; you talk a lot about your noble intentions but you never seem to want to put any work into it.)

As for your parents, that's all the basics, but don't you have anything else to say? I mean, you tell me not to believe everything I read about them on the internet, but the cwcki has over ten times the information on them that you just gave, and a lot more detailed too. Don't you ever converse with them? Don't you care about them? I mean, your dad just had cancer and major surgery, he ALMOST DIED. I would think that when I ask you to talk about your father, you would at least have something to say about that, but instead you just give me a little blurb about the most basic details, and then switch the conversation to how they bother YOU. You know, I understand that you are annoyed they aren't being very supportive of your transition to tomgirlhood, but you have to consider that your lifestyle changes are coming at the same time as your father and mother have to deal with life-threatening cancer. That's something that is taking a LOT of their energy to deal with. You really don't have a right to just demand that they put their priorities on hold and open their hearts without delay to whatever is going on in YOUR life, especially when you aren't willing to do the same for them.

Anyway, I had a bunch more to write but it's getting late and I have to get to bed, so I'll write more later. Goodnight!!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 14, 2011 10:57pm

I want to add something to my response to the Q about my parents. I
care about my mother and father a LOT. Given on how old they are, the
recent hospital drama we're still recovering from, and I'm working on
myself, I feel sad talking about them these days. Plus, between them,
they're arguing half the time, and I have been in the middle soo much;
frustrating. But in their own way they are generally good people.

My mother is a country-raised tomboy gal who worked through school,
been in and out of a few exes, one of which gave her my half-bro,
Joseph Cole Smithey. And he has had mental problems since he hit his
head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother. Then
finding and marrying my father, being the great wife and mother of me
she was throughout the years. She has done a lot and suffered through
hard times with my autism. She deserves the grandest award there ever
is, including my love and care for her while she puts up with her hubby.

My father was well-educated, became drafted into the signal corp of the
Army in WWII, stationed in Korea (before the split). Married one time
before my mom, during which he had my other half-bro, David Alan
Chandler and my half-sis, Carol Suzzane Chandler. Working between a
number of General Electric plants designing, working and all that. He
found and married my mama and put up with me too. Yet he picked
arguments with me and mama throughout. He also raised me on music and
the golden oldie musicals and got me started on the gaming world with a
Commodore 64 computer. His abilities have slowed down over the years,
and he was 53 upon my conception, so he was a Seinor ALL of my life. I
did not have much of a father figure to look up to, as he was fading on
and on and still truckin' with his Cherokee blood.

They both have done a lot for me throughout my life, and I will always
appreciate their deeds and all, and I will continue to care about them
both. But I have a life of my own too, and I feel crestfallen when
going into details of my fading family and the situation I feel traped
in, which are details for another time post-meeting.

sigh

I'll e-mail again later.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 15, 2011 9:48am

Well, it's all well and good for you to SAY that your parents deserve better, but mostly you just complain about how they aren't serving your desires and whims. And once again, you just gave me kind of an encyclopedic little blurb about them which contains basic information I could find on the cwcki. I mean, your father almost dies from cancer, and you have nothing new to say about your relationship with him, just the same old complaining about him "starting arguments". I bet if I talked with your mother or father and asked about their relationship with you, they could go on for hours about you. I thought you wanted to start with a blank slate so we could build a talking relationship that wasn't based on only video games and toys; I don't really see why you refuse to talk about more serious subjects until some arbitrary point after we meet, but whatever.

<nowiki>~~~LE SIGH~~~</nowiki>

Anyway, I attached an image of some My Little Ponies I created! Maybe you can work them back into Sonichu now that you're working on it again, or your new comic, whichever one you're doing. (When are you going to have the first pages ready?) They are a tomgirl and tomboy pair of ponies by the names of KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash (KaKa is on the left, Brony on the right). You should take them and use them!!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 15, 2011 5:33pm

I do have conversations with my mom and dad now and then, and they have
confided secrets in me before. It's mostly topics I have already heard
before which I can recollect about half or so of the grand latter. And
I do not "demand" that much from, and on the topic, I have rarely
"demanded" or expected Anything from my fans. Among topics, I learned
to try mixing appropriate edibles into a combination which mostly makes
it better in taste. Recently, my father suggested putting pork/beans
and sliced hot dog into a baked potato. He also likes to add his own
spices into the spaghetti from Sabaro's. I have remembered some of the
makeup and styling ideas from what I had learned from mother throughout
my life, as well as organization and following instructions to the
letter.

Back to the fans, having them AND the trolls in the mixed blender of
confusion, I always have felt appreciation of their support, and I have
felt disgust for the hate. Eventually, it became that much harder to
tell one from the other, so I was mostly blank and confused in response
without being sure how to respond, and no response or a neutral
response was all I could come up with. I Rarely "expected" or
"demanded" anything from them (the one time exception was when someone
purchased as a gift the download of Half-Life 2 through Steam; I
responded with a "thank you, but I'm not a PC Gamer; I would have
better appreciated the Orange Box on PS3".

It's hard for me to get motivated to do some things, because I get that from my parents as well. Being in their years the past few years, they
hardly self-motivate themselves individually. Plus With my paranoia of
what can be found in the background check, regardless of rather or not,
and there ARE rumors that can get around. I applied to the new
Wal-Mart and McD in Ruckersville; supposedly NO background required,
right? NO, I never got a call back from Wal-Mart, even after reminding
them, and I was not hired after the Interview at McD. Rumors do fly
from the internet.

And I have little knowledge or aid in being able to move out of this
house; my SSI is under my father's name and SS#, so I'm stoned there.
Money is tight for me, and I am unable to pawn off anything at this
time after pawning off all of the older consoles and stuff, and I can't
do eBay or whatever for the unpawnable stuff I have. So I need
in-person help with all that.

I appreciate your artpiece of custom ponies, and it looks very nice. I
am not using any ponies in any of my comic pages, because they're not
really cannon with Sonichu and Rosechu. The Mall is Cwcville-Themed;
NOT Sonichu-Themed. I do not deny designing it, and if I had the
chance and the grand amount of money, I would buy Fashion Square and
have it rebuilt into the two-story mall of my design (with or without
the mayor office). Or if my family had the money, we would take the
old restaurant building in front of the Circuit City building in
C-Ville and turn it into a Meet, Eat and Greet Bar and Restaurant (my
father's idea; Emphasis on Meet and Greet). I have all of the ideas
for the future comic pages, but like my parents, I do as I feel. But I
have a LOT of details in my head from reality, that I find it hard to
focus talent-wise and feel blessed even to be able to focus on my
social skills and beauty improvement. And I have been going out more
for Karaoke and Fridays After 5 and such.

And you and I can discuss adult topics; all you have to do is bring
them up so I can respond appropriately and better think of more topics
of my own to bring up as well. Like for example, the death of Osama; I
am neutral on the topic. It is sad that another human being was
killed, but on the other hand, he WAS a terrorist and we're better off
without him. My father is against the death, though; he's responded to
it as a total murder on Obama's head. Maybe it's not the best example,
but it does emphasize that you and I CAN talk about adult topics and
current events and whatever; it does not have to be toyful, gamey or
cartooney.

And there ARE complicated details between me and my family and whatever
that I don't feel comfortable telling you over e-mail, and I promise
you that when the time is right and we have met in-person, I will share
them with you in strictest offline confidence. And even though I have
lied before, we are starting on a clean slate, and I promise you that I
will tell you only the truth, ONLY withholding deeper truths for
offline confidentiallity.

I'll have to re-read the other questions you have typed in your recent
e-mail that I have missed addressing before I address them in my reply.

I'll e-mail you later.
Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 16, 2011 8:46pm

Being around people who aren't motivated to do anything is no excuse for not motivating yourself, whether they're your parents or not. Especially when you KNOW that it's happening. I've known plenty of people in my life who are lazy and don't do anything with themselves, that doesn't excuse me from not having to do anything. Whether your parents are lazy or not - that has nothing to do with you, it doesn't matter. You are responsible for your OWN actions and behavior, not them. You're 30 years old, it's not their job to force you to do things to take care of yourself and improve your life.

As for Wal-Mart and McDonalds, you have no idea why they didn't hire you. Maybe they just hit their quota and your application came at a bad time. You can't just assume that your internet reputation and the cwcki are responsible. You have NO reason to assume that is the case; I told you, employers don't sit around and google applicants. How many places have you applied for besides those two? Or are they the only places you applied? And both were MONTHS ago. Where have you been looking for a job RECENTLY? Do you know how many jobs I have applied for in my life that I didn't get? DOZENS. And there is no website or group of trolls tarnishing my reputation, so how do you explain all those places that didn't hire me? But I still find employment because I KEEP LOOKING. And you've been using the excuse for years that you have "little knowledge" of how your tugboat works. It's your responsibility to go learn and figure it out, you know. I don't think anyone wants to hear you complain about how bad things are for you when you refuse to try to fix your problems yourself. If you actually tried and still failed and THEN asked for help, I think people would be a lot more sympathetic to you and willing to help. But you don't try, you just beg others to do the legwork for you.

But you know, speaking of the tugboat check, there's no possible way that check is not in your name. That money is YOURS, not THEIRS. YOU are the disabled person; that means the government issues it to you. You need to stand up to your parents and tell them that you are holding the banana, not they, and they need to respect that. You say how unmotivated they are, so what are they doing with that money of yours? Probably nothing. Don't just accept your dad's handwave that his SSI number means he controls the money. Confront your parents and find out the truth!

Well anyway, even if you don't want to use KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash in Sonichu, I'd love to see what they look like if you drew them. Maybe you could start up a new comic featuring them, and then run it concurrently with Sonichu and Trollbusters. When are you bringing those two back again, by the way? (Or not "bringing back" Trollbusters I guess, since you never actually started it. But when will you be starting it?) Or maybe you could just draw a portrait poster of my two ponies or something. But I don't really get what the difference is between CWCville and Sonichu, CWcville is the location that Sonichu is set in; that would be like saying if I drew a Gotham City comic that it wasn't Batman-related, even though Batman is based in Gotham City. So really, it was a Sonichu-themed mall.

Well, I gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 17, 2011 5:33pm

I am not 30 Yet. Those people MAY have met their quota in employees.
I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader. I do
not know what else I can inform you about that has to do with why I
further fear looking for a job. But I DO know that Most People who
Hire actually DO perform Background Checks. Regardless of Troll input,
I still feel fear on What IS found in my Background Check. I do not
know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on
me, and all things considered, I do not think or feel that I want to
know.

I will draw the two ponies for you another day; I stand behind my mall
NOT being Sonichu Themed; I can, and Will, use the city of Cwcville as
the Hometown of Cal and Dee^2, the TrollBusters. On that note, would
you be saying the mall is TrollBuster-Themed also? You can not mix
themes in that sense. The Mall is a Mall, and its ONLY theme is
C.W.C.; Christian Weston Chandler; ME. I don't want to further discuss
it.

I have also just been in another emotional family drama. Last Sunday,
My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm
turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I
would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my
own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer;
murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much.
And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional
rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come
downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse
thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long
Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the
mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been
holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of
hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son
of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to
wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can
not be seen in public with this short-hair mess.

Yesterday, I go out to Wal-Mart with my father, and I find and purchase
some Shampoo and Conditioner from Garnier Fructise's Length and
Strength Brand to prayfully grow my hair back more quickly from what
would have been MONTHS. She cut off Two Inches; that's about 4 Months. This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social
Progress with the Mary Tyler Moore hairstyle, with Better
Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also
have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered
them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a
plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing
my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and
recovery. I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now
while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there
is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us. I will continue to run
errands and shop for her and dad, and we're talking again.

My head Feels a Bad Kind of Naked now. Answer a question for me,
please, Does a Hair Salon ACTUALLY have an immediate hair growth
solution for styling and such?

And now that we're on the subject, please tell (or remind) me of your
family; mom, dad, siblings, etc. I think you're familar with my half
brothers and sister.

E-Mail ya later.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 18, 2011 8:43pm

Hey Chris. In order to better answer the points you made, I'm going to break down your email into quoted segments and respond to each individually:

''"I am not 30 Yet."''
Oh, excuse me, 29 and change. Huge difference.

''"I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader."''
Then stop pretending like you are one. Stop pretending like you know for a fact that your internet reputation is the reason you haven't been hired.

''" But I DO know that Most People who Hire actually DO perform Background Checks."''
Of course you know that employers perform background checks. I know you know that because you have had background checks explained to you in detail a hundred times over, most of the time by myself.

''"I do not know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on me"''
Yes, yes you do. I have explained to you COUNTLESS TIMES what a background check is. A background check is an automated program in which the employer checks to see if you have any FELONIES ON YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. As I have gone over with you MANY times, you have NO felonies to your name (the incidents with the police at the Game Place and Fashion Square were NOT felonies, your record is clear), so an employer's background check would cause NO PROBLEM for you. You have no excuse for not acknowledging this. But even if you don't believe I know what I'm talking about, why don't you take the effort to go learn from a source with more expertise?

''"I do not think or feel that I want to know."''
That much is evident. Sticking your head in the sand seems to be the only thing you DO want to do.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. How come you just sit and let her cut your hair? You could have gotten up and left, it's not like she could physically hold you down. I understand you feel bad about calling her a bitch but I understand why you did it; she obviously put you in a very bad place by betraying your trust like that.

Let me ask you, I know Rocky is helping to search for a job for you, but have you thought about asking her with help moving out? I think your relationship with your parents would be a lot smoother if you were out of the house and had freedom to pursue your goals without being mocked and judged by them. I think you should talk to her about it.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 19, 2011 8:02pm

Yes, I could have backed out and went back upstairs from my mother, but
at the moment, I was feeling fear, and I had the default mental preset
of honoring thy mother. Plus I also felt mentally paralyzed. I'm
praying for quicker hair growth, I'm using Garnier Fructise brand
Length & Strength Shampoo & Conditioner items, and I have a wig that is
adaquate enough for me to be seen in until when my hair grows back.

I have asked Rocky on looking for a way for me being able to move out
and into a place based on my Autism; the details of the deal are mostly
over my head, and I understand only like one or two things of it.

Let's talk about more pleasant things for a while (more or less). I
remembered it was you who recommended "Pink Flamengos" and "Cannibal
Holocaust" to me. I would still like to be reminded of some of the
other things you've told me before. And I would still like to read
about your family. I pray they are still doing well.

Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.}}

==References==
<references/>

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 26]]

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2013-05-10T00:34:28Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Navbox
|title= [[Emails]]
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|group1 = Misc. early emails
|list1 = [[Chris E-mails 2004-2006|2004‒06]] • [[Chris E-mails 2007|2007]] • [[Chris E-mails 2008|2008]]

|group2 = [[Megan Schroeder]]
|list2 = [[Megan Emails, 2005-2006|2005‒06]] • [[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Jan‒July 2007]] • [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007|Aug‒Dec 2007]] • [[Megan Emails, 2008|2008]]

|group3 = [[Vivian Gee]]
|list3 = [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2007-2008|2007‒08]] • [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|2009]] • [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|2010]]

|group4 = [[Blanca Weiss]]
|list4 = [[Blanca Emails, August 2008|Aug]] • [[Blanca Emails, September 2008|Sept]] • [[Blanca Emails, October 2008|Oct 2008]] • [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|Letter]]

|group5 = [[Clyde Cash]]
|list5 = [[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays]] • [[Miyamoto Saga]] • [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] • [[Clyde E-mails]]

|group6 = [[PS3]] Saga
|list6 = [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails|Jack Thaddeus]] ([[Jack Thaddeus E-mails|1]] • [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 2|2]] • [[Jack Thaddeus E-mails Part 3|3]]) • [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]] • [[Katie Bay]] ([[Katie Bay e-mails 1|1]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 2|2]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|3]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 4|4]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 5|5]] • [[Katie Bay E-mails 6|6]]) • [[Regina e-mails]] • [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]

|group7 =[[CWCipedia]] [[Mailbag]]
|list7 =[[Mailbag 1|1]] • [[Mailbag 2|2]] • [[Mailbag 3|3]] • [[Mailbag 4|4]] • [[Mailbag 5|5]] • [[Mailbag 6|6]] • [[Mailbag 7|7]] • [[Mailbag 8|8]] • [[Mailbag 9|9]] • [[Mailbag 10|10]] • [[Mailbag 11|11]] • [[Mailbag 12|12]] • [[Mailbag 13|13]] • [[Mailbag 14|14]] • [[Mailbag 15|15]] • [[Mailbag 16|16]] • [[Mailbag 17|17]] • [[Mailbag 18|18]] • [[Mailbag 19|19]] • [[Mailbag 20|20]] • [[Mailbag 21|21]] • [[Mailbag 22|22]] • [[Mailbag 23|23]] • [[Mailbag 24|24]] • [[Mailbag 25|25]] • [[Mailbag 26|26]] • [[Mailbag 27|27]] • [[Mailbag 28|28]] • [[Mailbag 29|29]] • [[Mailbag 30|30]] • [[Mailbag 31|31]] • [[Mailbag 32|32]] • [[Mailbag 33|33]] • [[Mailbag 34|34]] • [[Mailbag 35|35]] • [[Mailbag 36|36]] • [[Mailbag 37|37]] • [[Mailbag 38|38]] • [[Mailbag 39|39]] • [[Mailbag 40|40]] • [[Mailbag 41|41]] • [[Mailbag 42|42]] • [[Mailbag 43|43]] • [[Mailbag 44|44]] • [[Mailbag 45|45]] • [[Mailbag 46|46]] • [[Mailbag 47|47]] • [[Mailbag 48|48]] • [[Mailbag 49|49]] • [[Mailbag 50|50]] • [[Mailbag 51|51]] • [[Mailbag 52|52]] • [[Mailbag 53|53]] • [[Mailbag 54|54]] • [[Mailbag 55|55]] • [[Mailbag 56|56]] • [[Mailbag 57|57]]• [[Mailbag 58|58]] • [[Mailbag 59|59]] • [[Mailbag 60|60]] • [[Mailbag 61|61]] • [[Mailbag 62|62]] • [[Common Questions]]

|group8 = [[The Wallflower]]
|list8 = [[Wallflower E-mails|1]] • [[Wallflower E-mails 2|2]] • [[Wallflower E-mails 3|3]] • [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]]

|group9 = [[Jackie Romy]]
|list9 = [[Jackie E-mails|1]] • [[Jackie E-mails 2|2]] • [[Jackie E-mails 3|3]] • [[Jackie E-mails 4|4]] • [[Jackie E-mails 5|5]] • [[Jackie E-mails 6|6]] • [[Jackie E-mails 7|7]] • [[Jackie E-mails 8|8]] • [[Jackie E-mails 9|9]] • [[Jackie E-mails 10|10]] • [[Jackie E-mails 11|11]] • [[Jackie E-mails 12|12]] • [[Jackie E-mails 13|13]] • [[Jackie E-mails 14|14]] • [[Jackie E-mails 15|15]] • [[Jackie E-mails 16|16]] • [[Jackie E-mails 17|17]] • [[Jackie E-mails 18|18]] • [[Jackie E-mails 19|19]] • [[Jackie E-mails 20|20]] • [[Jackie E-mails 21|21]] • [[Jackie E-mails 22|22]] • [[Jackie E-mails 23|23]] • [[Jackie E-mails 24|24]] • [[Jackie E-mails 25|25]]

|group10 = Other
|list10 = [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole Smithey]] • [[Autism Awareness E-mails|Autism Awareness]] • [[Muscle bra#The bra e-mail|Muscle bra]] • [[Masturbating and squirtin'|Evan E-mails]] • [[White knight E-mails]] • [[Mailbag]]
}}
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'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

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Jackie E-mails 24

2013-05-10T00:33:11Z

ShotgunJones:

On 7 December 2010, only a couple of weeks after Chris has cut contact with her, Jackie renewed her correspondence with him. While several videos Chris made for Jackie after the renewal of their relationship were eventually leaked,<ref>For the relevant examples see [[Cakefarts]], [[Chris and Jackie's Date]]‎, [[Little Tomboy Blue]]‎, [[Who's Your Brony?]], [[Forgot the Glitter]]‎, [[Teenage Dream]] and [[Cheerleader]].</ref> no recording of the pair's communications have been revealed until 27 [[April 2013]], when an email from Chris to Jackie dated 5 [[August 2011]] (seen at the bottom of the page) was leaked on the CWCki forums. Further [http://www.mediafire.com/view/?y1pp1lop9wx6hdv emails] between the two spanning from December 2010 to [[July 2011]] were leaked on 6 [[May 2013]]. Help in transcribing the correspondence will be much appreciated.

Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent.

{{Email|December 7, 2010 - 7:15pm

Hey Chris! How's it going? Just wanted to check in. How is the outside socialization thing going? Have you met a lot of new people or gone new places since you stopped talking to me? Or are you still just sitting alone playing video games all day? The PSN counts as internet you know, so you're being a hypocrite if you're still enslaved to that thing.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|December 7, 2010 - 7:36pm

Hey, Jackie. Well, currently, I'm not making much progress in making
new friends, but I have been going out more. I am still frozen and
clammed up in mass public.

And for your information, I said SOCIALIZING on the Internet was bad,
NOT the whole Internet in general. Yet while I do sometimes play on
PSHome, a social Gaming Network, I still am frozen in that public
setting with my Avatar, and I mainly focus on the Single-Player
exploring and play.

How are things with you and Lars?

Stay Safe and Well,
Christian.}}
{{Email|December 7, 2010 - 8:03pm

Well, Lars and I are doing okay. He's still in addiction counseling right now - not that he's had any problems or relapses or such, but he's being proactive and just setting up a good support system for himself. We're both looking into the future, you know how it is.

I guess I was confused when you said the internet was bad. What exactly about internet socialization is so bad? Is it just about the trolls you've met? Or is it because none of your relationships online have worked out thus far?

You know, maybe you should try going on facebook. I know you used to do well talking to people there a long time ago. And plus, the thing about facebook is that trolling can't really work on facebook. Maybe join a group on there and chat up some new people, share your common interests. You could use an alter ego if you want, since I know you wouldn't want people searching for the name Christian Weston Chandler. Just a thought.

Jackie}}
{{Email|December 19, 2010 - 8:42pm

Hey Chris! Long time no talk. What's been happening with you lately? I just wanted to see how things are going.}}
{{Email|December 21, 2010 - 7:31pm

Wow Chris, you must be on that PSN even more than you ever have been before if you can't even take the time to spend two minutes writing to me. I thought you wanted to work on building social skills?}}
{{Email|December 21, 2010 - 7:47pm

Wow, you must be busy these days. I hope offline socialization is working out for you.

But hey, I found something while perusing the internet that you might be interested in. It's a dating site for people that are kind of shy like yourself and are sometimes socially awkward, so they're much more open and understanding to your sort of situation. Now I know what you'll say, you don't want to meet people online, but this site has an extremely stringent scanning process to weed out fake information - there's no possible way for a troll or faker to get membership. You'll have to give your real address and other such information in order to confirm yourself, and everyone else has to do the same. I recommend you try it out: https://www.wewaited.com/index.php

Let me know how it goes!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|December 22, 2010 - 9:46pm

Thank you
for the suggestiion. I have looked over the front page and bookmarked. I will keep it in mind and consider it well. I'm still in little luck in real life socializing, but I am getting out more. On the other hand, now the Trolls are stalking me through my PSN; they're claiming a "bug" is in my console, but the ONLY real bug was in my Friends List, with ANY of the latter being their "reporter". So I cleared it out. I know this, because they've added a "PSNTracker" template on their damn CWCki. For Christmas this year, I would really like EVERY last webpage of every website the Trolls have created against me; EVERY last HTML code, EVERY last image, EVERY last Link and Reference to them, Including the CWCki and Especially the whole damn Encyclopedia Dramatica... GONE, DELETED, WIPED OFF from the face of the Internet and the World FOREVER, never to be revived, recreated or reuploaded again ever. So then I won't be portrayed as a monster, because I am not a monster. I am a near-normal Straight Human Male like every other Straight Human Male on this planet. *sigh*

You all have a Merry Christmas, and Stay Safe,
Christian.}}
{{Email|February 25, 2011 - 7:15pm

Hey Chris! Long time no talk, but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! Hope you had fun today.

What have you been doing with yourself lately? I hope you found someone special to share your special day with. Any major developments going on?

Well, just wanted to say hi. Hope to hear from you!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|March 26, 2011 - 4:47pm

Yes, it has been a long while since we last talked. At least since
Feb. 25 when you sent me the birthday greeting. First off, the e-mails
I am sending you are strictly confidential; do not share the content of
anything I sent to you with anyone, including Lars. I have gone
through an emotional 180, more or less, within the past month. In a
nutshell, I have grown my hair out, and continuing to let it grow. I
have learned the best term to describe me, Tomgirl. :) Yes, I am a
Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my
feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be
a full-blown you-know-what. I also have had my ears pierced with
amythest studs (my birthstone) recently. I have been more
self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts,
and I am greeting women left and right. Hello. ;) Also, here is
another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her
clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them
for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie. ;)

In addition to this update, I am sending you some fun photographs I
took recently (Only Linnea has seen them so far, and I do not want anyone
else to see them either; strictly confidential between the three of
us). I am being sassy in these photos; enjoy for your considersation
alone.

Also, sadly, the local police have been on my back, because a Troll is
pretending to be me, in simulated voice, AND in IP Address. I have
unplugged my wifi router and cable modem for the time being; only
plugging them in when I intend to go online at home. And my
out-of-order PC Tower has been unplugged from power and internet. I am
sending this pair of e-mails from a laptop at Best Buy at this moment.
And at the moment, I am having trouble loading the AOL log-in page on
my consoles, so that's a bust at the moment. Please relay your replies
to me through Linnea, or hit me on my cell phone (if you still have my
number).

I have had you run through my mind now and then, Jackie; consider
dashing back for some Tomgirl sweetness. ;)

Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 18, 2011 - 4:01pm

Hey Chris! It's nice to hear from you. I hope you had a good birthday.

Wow! It sounds like you've found a great niche for yourself with your new stylin' look and attitude. I'm happy for you! I know self-confidence has always been something you needed a little help with, I'm so glad that you've found something that gives you confidence and happiness. That's really what it's all about in life. If YOU know you're in charge, other people can't help but to notice that. Good for you!

I hope you're not mad, but I was so turned on by those pictures, I just couldn't keep it to myself... I showed those pictures to a friend of mine to see what she thought. She was kind of turned on, too! Don't worry, she's very trustworthy and she wouldn't do anything bad, I told her it was important that she keep it completely secret.

I hope you'll send me some more pictures... I liked the appetizer, but I'd really love a main course!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 21, 2011 - 4:01pm

Well, sweetest Jackie, I did feel a bit bothered hearing that my photos
I shared with you in confidence was shared with someone else, but since
I am not finding it on the Cwcki or whatever, I forgive you. :-* <3
I am able to type e-mails from my Wii only here at the moment, but I am
planning on getting an inexpensive internet laptop within the next few
weeks (don't push me, sweetheart). I will send you a sampler of my
photos later, or I'll ask Linnea to forward them to you. Spoiler Alert;
there is Makeup involved. ;) And I would appreciate you keeping the
photos in strictest confidence between you, me, Linnea and your one friend
ONLY; no one else, please.

And if you want to see the whole me put altogether, you are gonna have
to come over and meet me in C-Ville. Also, please inform me of what
the current score is between you and Lars; I would feel more
comfortable if he was not part of your current life while you and I are
getting close. ;) And if you want it, my manlihood down here is at
your service upon scintilating request
I gtg get my car from the shop, but I await your reply. Call me to
schedule our meet. (434)-760-0848 Please leave a message with your
digits, so I can recognize you on my caller ID better, and so I can
call you back.

Stay Safe with love (you never left my mind and my heart),
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 21, 2011 - 9:53pm

Oh, about Lars... he went on kind of a bender a few weeks ago, I haven't heard from him since. I still care about him but the whole romance thing is kind of cooled off with him. I'm hoping he and I can remain friends, though.

Anyway, I don't mean to make you worry, my friend is trustworthy and I won't share your pictures with anyone else. I look forward to seeing more of your photos! Speaking of, how is Linnea doing these days?

But let's take it a little slow here, I'm not really ready to meet you yet. You know what, as much as I like having you as a friend, I would be willing to consider taking it further again, but I don't want to rush into it right away. Let's re-establish our relationship on solid footing and take it from there. And besides, I'm still a tad reeling from Lars and I cooling off, I just want to make sure I'm in the right place before I do a heavy relationship again. (You wouldn't want to be just a rebound, would you?) I'm not trying to play hard to get, sweetie... I just want to catch my breath before you take it away again. :)

I want to see the new you, Chris. Just show me the goods. I'm sure I won't be disappointed. Besides, you want to give me incentive to come see you, right?

<3<3<3

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 21, 2011 - 10:50pm

It is cool. I understand, and I absoloutly would like to take your
breath away in full swing. On one hand, I empathize with you on the
loss of that relationship and worry, and on the other hand it is good
news for me to hear that you're breaking it off with him on the romance.

Let's do it better this time; I feel it most beneficial for you to call
me on my cell at least twice a week; perhaps at about 8:00 PM on
Tuesdays and Fridays (negotiable). I feel it better to communicate
directly in verbal conversations over e-mails. I want you and me to
meet in person as soon as possible, at least mid-May; I allow you the
few weeks to recover, and it can be delayed with good reason and
discussion. It has been about half a year or so; a newer photo would
be appreciated. I've kept all of the previous photos of you saved on a
little-used memory card here all to myself alone.

I took another look at them; you use a similar eye-shadow to what I
use. :) So, shared makeovers between you and I could be something
else fun to look forward to. :) I also feel uncertain of the nose and
lip jewelary; in person, I would feel better if you leave them off only
for like the first few times we meet, at least up until our first kiss
(I am still a mouth-virgin in that sense), and it would give me
something to compare later on if the lip jewelry would make it better.

I will also share something else with you in confidence; for a while
after I had learned my word was "tomgirl", my mother felt uncomfortable
for a while after I shared that info with her (being almost 70 and
old-fashioned-minded). She got used to the idea after a couple of
weeks, then I started up with the makeup, which did make me more
self-confident, pretty and happier. My mother felt ill at ease upon
first instance. And later, she told me that she would not complain
about my makeup and tomgirl ways. Today, she was a major, complaining
bitch; she hurt me heavily emotionally with that back-stabbing
indian-giver attitude. And she just came up here shouted out more and
more commands and complaints. Obviously she has something else going
on that is affecting this mood-swing, and she may go back to being nice
soon. She still hurt me; I am damn happy being a Tomgirl, and she is
not going to change that. She is also paranoid of me turning damn gay
or becoming a transvestite. Neither of which is the case; I am very
attracted to women, including your sweet self, Jackie. I am feeling
that she won't let up until I finally bring home a girlfriend who loves
me for me, and appreciates my tomgirl ways. And I do not know to many
tomgirls around here in person to attempt to put her mind at ease.
Stressful.

I'll be okay, especially now that we're talking again, sweetheart. :)

Please call me very soon. I still have true feelings for you, Jacklyn,
and it would mean a Lot to me if this time is THE time and you and I
stay together for the remainder of our lives. But I digress. There's
not that much rush; we have plenty of time.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
XOXOXOXO
Christian.

P.S.
Dana is doing good, and I will send the photos from a library computer
tomorrow.}}
{{Email|April 22, 2011 - 7:35pm

Hey Chris!

I'm so sorry your mom is causing you grief right now. I guess the major change you're undergoing is a little bit of a shock for her, but she should still be supportive. What kinds of commands and complaints is she making to you? Do you have any idea what the thing going on in her life that is causing her to have a mood swing? Maybe you can help her with it. But it's good that you're standing your ground and refusing to stop being who you are and doing what makes you happy.

Now, about Lars... Please don't tell me how much time I need to get over MY relationship. These things can't just be planned out so exactly, when you break up with someone you can't just say "I need X days to get over it and then I'll be perfectly okay". It's a process. I'm not saying May is out of the question, I just can't put the cart in front of the horse. So let's just keep talking for right now. Like you say, there's not a rush, we have plenty of time, right?

Anyway, I'd love to talk to you on the phone, but my phone broke a couple months ago and I don't really have the cash to get a new one. There's a fancy new pair of chopsticks at the Asian store down at the mall I want to pick up and I'm saving my money for that. (Did I ever tell you that I like eating food with chopsticks? I just enjoy it better than using forks. Just a little quirk of mine, I guess.) So we might have to wait a while before I have a phone number to give you. Oh, and I'm gonna keep my piercings and makeup on the way I like too, by the way. Those things are part of what defines me, kind of like how being a tomgirl is what defines you. Isn't that part of why you like me? For what makes me me?

I look forward to seeing those photos tomorrow! I'll try to dig up a more recent photo of myself and get it to you.

XOXO

Jackie

P.S. You mentioned in your last email that you are getting a new laptop in a few weeks or something. What kind of laptop is it? I'm just curious. :)}}
{{EmailReply|April 23, 2011 3:42am

I meant no offense with your piercings, and you are soo right on
continuing to be you. And I like your makeup style. :) Also, I
apologize for making a schedule for relief time; it does take a lengthy
amount of time. I meant mid-May to be for when you and I can meet up;
again, we can discuss the meet date.

That is neat you have a thing for eating with chopsticks; I am capable
of eating with chopsticks too; I have had good practice in the past
with the grub I ate at the korean church in Chesterfield Co. my family
and I went to. I relate with your desire for fancy and pretty things.
Although IMHO, I would consider which is more of a "Want" or a "Need".
Do you need or want those chopsticks? Wouldn't that cell phone
replacement be more beneficial to you? Only food for thought.

I have actually shared how I felt with mom recently, and she listened.
She also let off a few monkies off her back; speghetti dinner that was
refused by dad and me the night of our final move back to Ruckersville. I couldn't help it if I did not feel like spaghetti that night; she gave up cooking for us after that for one. I deeply apologized for that. And recently, my dad had colon cancer surgery; the recovery, helping him and putting up with his constant complaints, arguement-starters and such has put further wear and tear on her.

On another topic, I've double-checked the Wikipedia search for
"tomgirl"; I was redirected to "effeminacy". I had reffered to it as
nothing upon first finding weeks ago. I read a little bit of it an
hour ago; most of which was, while reasonable from the author's
viewpoint, offensive to me and I felt I just could not put up with.
There WAS a "Tomgirl" page, and in its first publish time, it was
simple and true, spelling corrections were needed; "opposite of
tomboy"; "males who enjoy feminine things", and "Tomgirls are
straight". After I get that laptop, I am going to undo the
redirection, and add MORE words of tomgirl wisdom into it.

The laptop is an inexpensive one from CVS, designed for internet
browsing, and upgradable I am sure with a greater capacity internal HDD
(Hard disk drive). It is only $99, and it will be good for what I'll
need it for, even before upgrading.

I've asked Tiffany to forward you the confidential tomgirlly photos.
Please let me know ASAP when you are able to call me.

Stay Safe and sweet,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 23, 2011 10:04pm

So that sucks about your mom. When was the speghetti dinner? Do you mean way back when your family moved to Ruckersville, years ago? That seems like an odd thing for her to bring up if it was so long ago.

Your dad had colon cancer though??? You should really be more understanding of his being in a bad mood. That is a HUGE strain on a family. I'm sure your mother is strained to the breaking point from seeing the man she loves go through this life-threatening dilemma; I mean, you guys are lucky he survived at all. Chalk that up to God's grace, I guess. You should be more understanding to your parents' needs.

Well, as far as the chopsticks, I actually busted a pair of mine a couple weeks ago. It was a really ornate pair, I had it for years and I carried it with me every time I went out to eat. But I left them on the roof of my car after leaving a restaurant and my dad accidentally drove over them and turned them into splinters. I was crestfallen, but I decided I would replace them as soon as possible. I look forward to having a nice pair of chopsticks again. I mean, I'd love to have a phone so I could talk to you, and you are definitely more important, but all things considered, until confirmation of details I'll continue to wait til we get our relationship back on its feet.

Anyway, I had more to say, sorry I have to cut this email short but I have to get up early tomorrow morning for my usual family Easter lunch, we do like an all-day family party thing and I need my sleep beforehand. I'll write more later!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 24, 2011 - 3:49pm

Believe me, I am more than well aware of my parents' needs, as well as
the sheer stress from the excessive drama.

Before I forget, I wanted to be sure to address the question I missed
in your last e-mail. My mom said things like "do not wear eyeshadow",
"you look like a prostitute", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker",
"you're turning into a gay", "what are you piercing next?", "what's
next, you wearing a skirt and high heels" and shit like that. I mean,
her concerns are understandable, but she is soo paranoid,
overprotective and crazy. I will always be straight, no matter what;
it is in my prebirth programmming. Otherwise, I would not be feeling
like throwing up most times I see another dude's penis. XP BLECH!!!

The spaghetti topic is soo yesterdecade, but apparently she remembers
it as well as having a very close relative pass away. Obviously I can
empathize with that; I still have my chip on the shoulder from Michael
Snyder banning me from the Game & Hobby Place and being soo still
unforgiving and closed-minded of accepting my apology. I even wish
heavily for the Place to be blown up and burn to the ground while there
was nobody inside.

It is understandable of confirming the details before getting the
phone. I really would like this relationship to work, and soo better
than in the past. Until when you get a cell phone, I will continue to
e-mail you daily at best (granted I may miss a day sometimes).

There was a good Easter service at my church today, and there was also
a baptism of a baby girl today; I took some photos with my DS that I
will print out for the family ASAP.

I also finally found and got a vial of Nail Art polish (silver) today,
and I painted "TOM" on my right hand's middle three nails, "GIRL" on my
left's index to pinkie, and a star, flower and heart on the other
three. Put my two hands together, they spell "*Tomgirl". I will send
you a photo after I get the laptop. More info on the laptop, it is a
Sylvana brand with Wi-Fi capabilities, 3 USB ports, Windows CE and
such. More details on it can be found on the box at your local CVS
($99.99), or if you can find it online, that works too. :) Also, I am
planning on getting a tattoo and a belly button ring next month. I
haven't decided on the B.B. ring yet, but the tattoo is going onto my
lower back; I'll send a photo later, but roughly it is a combination of
the (pink) mars and (blue) venus symbols, a pair of (violet) wings on
either side, a white star behind it, and "Tomgirl 4Ever" underneath it
all.

What else has been good with you since September? Are you still a Mary
Baldwyn journalist? How about them "Crash Test Dummies"? And anything
else that comes into your mind; I want to hear/read all about it.

You and me, Jacklyn, let's make up for lost time and keep goin' strong.

TTYL. Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}

{{Incomplete}}

{{EmailReply|August 5, 2011

It was rough on me today; worse on my parents.

To begin, after taking [[Bob Chandler|dad]] to his doc appointment, followed by fueling
up the Mitsubishi, Mom hand he went to Riley's Diner in [[Ruckersville]].
I checked in with them via cellie as they made their way to the diner.
Mom requested of me to put a gallon of gas in the red canister for the
[[Chores|lawn tractor]]. I took a bag full of used cans with me also to dispose
of them in a nearby dumpster behind [[Wikipedia:Food Lion|Food Lion]] (there is no recycling
facility or disposal area for cans around here yet).

I was going to take [[Son-Chu|my car]], but it would not start. So I called and
informed mom about that, and that I would take the recently checked van
instead. She also asked me to drive by Goodwill to swap the van for
the Mitsu. I would have taken either the Honda or BMW, but I still
lack manual transmission knowledge. The van started. After getting
onto the road, I noticed the "check engine" being lit; [[Honor roll|at the moment I
disregarded it]]. But after dropping off the cans in the dumpster, I
started to press on, but after moving forward slightly, it stalled on
me. And I could not restart it. I called mom to come to me then.

Beforehand, she had a bought with the bitchy server/owner of Riley's,
Riley herself. Mom had a quarter of a chicken sandwich from McD; she
brought it in with her. She had also got her tea at Riley's before
this bout. Mom pulls out the quarter sandwich; Riley is all, "you
can't eat food from another place here". There's no sign stating that
anywhere there. So, mom ignored her and ate the q-sand in front of
her. Riley asked her to leave. Mom wanted her tea too, and she had a
big reusable plastic cup in the Mitsu. So she takes the cup of tea out
to the car and fills Her cup with the tea. She then returned the
restaurant's cup to the table dad was still sitting at. Riley bitched
some more at mom about taking their cheap plastic glass outside. So,
to come back for dad later, she leaves for the nearby Goodwill. Here
is where I came in with the last call, as well as the following where I
requested help stranded by the dumpster.

So mom comes with the Mitsu to the van; the jumper cables were in the
back of my car, the escort, at home. So, she stayed at the van while I
A) picked up dad at Riley's, B) stop to get lunch for me at the nearby
[[Obesity|Taco Bell/KFC]]; M.Deal 1: chick burrito, med drink and chips, C) return
dad home and pick up the jumpers and D) return to mom and the van.

The van was still fighting with the mucky, old gasoline; mom and dad
got earlier today a bottle of gas cleaner. So after returning to her,
she poured in the cleaner, attached the jumpers, and got the van
started. After putting away the jumpers, I followed her in the van
with me in the Mitsu up to the nearby [[Sheetz]].

After her parking the van by pump 7, I parked the Mitsu in a nearby
space. I checked in with her, then went into Sheetz to wash my hands
to allow me to eat the chick burrito. I sat in the van after she
fueled it halfway, and fueled the canister; she had to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|poo]] bad. After she returned, I had finished the burrito; she got in and tried to start
the van; no turnover. So I pulled the Mitsu up to the van to try
rejumping; no good. Mom called dad; he suggested punchin' the pedal
while starting up; no good. I stayed by her side during thebwait and
restart trials, keeping her company and talkin'; it helped her feel
better. Eventually, she reluctantly called for a tow, which arrived
about 10 to 20 min. later, to tow the van to Chuck's, just less than
half a mile north of Sheetz. The jumpers and can of gas were placed in
the Mitsu. We followed the truck and van, left a pair of van keys with
Chuck. He'll have another go at it soon. Then tired, mom and I
finally came back home about quarter after 7. Killed my day.

I was planning on getting the songwork completed, but after what
happened... I am sorry, but I will have to complete them tomorrow and
upload them on Saturday.

Life happens. *sigh* I know very well it's happening to both you and
I. I still think of you lovingly and dearly. :)

I'll e-mail you again tomorrow.

Stay Safe and Sweet.
LOLove,
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
[[Kaka Makeup Basics|Kaka]] Apple Chrissy.}}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession
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|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 25]]
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{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 24]]

Jackie E-mails 25

2013-05-10T00:30:05Z

ShotgunJones: Created page with "More e-mails between Chris and Jackie Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent. {{Email|April 25, 2011 5:40pm Yes, I know ..."

More e-mails between Chris and Jackie

Note: Some of the names in these emails have been redacted in order to defend the innocent.

{{Email|April 25, 2011 5:40pm

Yes, I know that you're straight, you really don't need to convince me. Although I'm still not sure why you have these visceral vomiting reactions to seeing another penis, normal straight people don't have that, but whatever.

I thought you were over the Game Place? I mean, we talked for months about you getting over it because it is long in the past It really seems like a serious issue that you retain these violent, hateful thoughts for years and years like that. And considering that we talked for hours and hours about the incidents at the Game Place but you were unwilling to accept that your behavior was in any way wrong, I'm willing to bet that Michael Snyder didn't think your apology was sincere (How can you apologize properly for something when you believe you haven't done anything wrong?) Have you ever considered pursuing some sort of psychotherapy/counseling? You know to be honest, that's one of the reasons I didn't really want to start calling you yet, because I wanted to see if you had become willing to pursue self-improvement in the months since we last talked. I mean, you still have all your video games that you play all day, but that's not good enough, you also need to be able to go play Pokemon cards with children at the Game Place? In my humble opinion, you need therapeutic help with your anger problems much more than you need to play Pokemon cards or video games, and just like you said I would consider which is more of a "want" or a "need". (Besides, didn't you tell me that the reason you screamed out loud and got yourself banned was because all the children making noise and ruckus stressed you into screaming in the first place? Why do you want to go back to a situation that caused you so much stress?) And as an aside, I think it's pretty selfish that you would want the Game Place to burn down and for no one else to enjoy it just because you can't.

But here's an idea for you: You know how they say that when you are really angry at a person, you should write a letter to that person telling them how you feel but not send it? Well, I would suggest this: How about you draw a picture of you burning the Game Place down? Put all your hatred and rage into that picture, make it really visceral and detailed. And don't send it to Mike Snyder or anyone else, just send it to me. Or Dana too. I think it would be very therapeutic for you to do, and also a lot more productive than just thinking about it. Tell you what, get that drawing to me by Wednesday night. I can't wait to see it!

Well anyway, it's your choice if you want to get over your problems and impress me or not, I won't force you. But I'm glad that we're opening a dialogue again. Hey, try not to feel too bad about what your mother is saying. It sucks that she's not being very supportive of your changes, but you know that you have people like me and Dana who recognize that you're doing what you need to be happy. And yes I did get the photos! They look so amazing!! I love the confidence and poise that you display in those photos, that tells me you're doing the right thing. Do you have a date for when you're getting the tattoo yet? I really look forward to seeing the pictures of that! Also, have you considered maybe getting some heels to wear? They make you taller... and you know how us girls like tall men ;)

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 26, 2011 8:40pm

I am happy to hear your praise for my Tomgirlish ways. :) Yes, I have thought of getting a pair of heels; I will be doing that soon enough too; also a denim skirt. It will be about mid-next-week when I get the
tattoo.

On the Place topic, yes I still have the chip on my shoulder, but Rocky continues to hear me out there; I'm good. And on another hand, I've "been there, done that" on the fire-starting drawing of the Place. The other day, I drove by there, took a photo of the store front with my DS, and later drew TNT boxes and flames on the photo digitally. But I did not send it to Dana; I sent it over the PSN under one of my secondary accounts to a confirmed troll, then deleted the original message from my end and all traces of the jpeg photo from my PS3, DS and the SD memory card. This was like over a week ago, and since I have not seen it on the CWCki's recent uploaded photo log, it is obvious to me that nothing will come out of that anyway. Upon retrospect, sending it to a troll was wrong, and if I had thought of sending it to Dana instead, I would have. *inserts foot into mouth*

A fun story on another topic, I have recently imagined myself dressed in my feminine outfit and makeup in a bar full of lesbians (I got the silly idea that I would likely fit in at a lesbian bar). LOL I found a successful woman in the bar, we talked; she was fascinated with my stories; I liked her too; we went back to her place; I warned her that I was actually a male; she was surprised, yet curious and willing to try me; we did it. And here's a fun, kinky part, we did it in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag. Again, this was only pretend in my head. If this turns you on, good. It was fun for me anyway. :)

I've been busy this week; my father was put back into the hospital under his doctor's orders for examination of his heart and such. He'll be back out by or before Friday. My mom and I have been visiting him each day for 3 or 4 hours. Mom kisses and hugs him before we leave; it is sweet. On the similar topic, apparently one of my Manchester High Class of 2000 classmates is working at Martha Jefferson. I have not met her yet, but I left a note with my number on it for a meet and greet arrangement. Talkin' about the old days and whatnot. Plus I may be able to track one or two of my closer classmates with her help. If not, I'll still have a classmate for a friend within my current life.

Also recently, I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. I would not recommend the product. And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream (Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my nipples. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few dreams. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth. :)

I'll check in again later.

Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 26, 2011 10:47pm

Hey Chris!

Well, maybe you should ask Rocky to actually help you get over those unchristian thoughts of revenge, but I am very happy that you're already one step ahead of me about getting it out of your system. Who exactly did you send that altered photo to? And I don't think I understand, why did you want it on the cwcki? Kind of too bad, if you wanted it to find its way there you could have asked me for help getting the trolls to bite it up. Well, tell you what: Do the picture again for me. Make it even better this time! I can't wait to see it. Draw the Game Place burning to the ground with you dancing on its rubble, happy to have justice done. Or photoshop it like you did the first time, either one works. Do you think tomorrow is soon enough to get it completed? Probably won't take you more than an hour or two. Get it to me tomorrow! :D

That's an odd fantasy that you bring up about the lesbian thing. Actually, it's really funny that you mention it: The other night I had a dream that was basically the exact same thing! Well, actually it was that you picked me up in a bar (We didn't previously know each other in the dream), and then you took me home and we started to make out and we were going to have sex. But then in the dream, I was secretly a man! And when I told you so, at first you were shocked, but open-minded, and we had hot passionate mansex. We did lots of erotic frottage in that dream. Isn't that funny that we had the exact same dream? I guess erotic minds think alike ;)

And hey, that's really great about your old classmate! Why don't you call her and try to set up lunch or something? It would really be great for you to catch up with her and maybe find some other of your old friends through her. Let me know what she says!

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 28, 2011 7:09pm

The burn-down is not a big deal; I sent it to PSN user, tricomri; obviously he didn't log in for a while. So, for the better, nothing
bad will come from it. I do not need to do it over again; it is behind me.

In response to your dream, I thank you for sharing. At first after reading it, I felt a little disgust, but I have had my own thing where I would have you wear a strap-on, so in that view, it is not so farfetched.

I gtg; TTYL. Stay Safe with Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|April 28, 2011 7:25pm

Well, you're still fantasizing about the Game Place being burned down, and it's extremely apparent that you still hate Michael Snyder, so obviously it's not behind you. Besides, it's not only about you, it's about me too. If you did it for some random guy on your friends list, you can do it for your girl, right? I asked you to do it for me. So do it for me! Have the Game Place on fire, and Michael Snyder on his knees crying over losing his life's worth, and then you and Sonichu dancing around the wreckage laughing and pouring gasoline on the building (to show Sonichu helped you). And also, you should show yourself lecturing Mike Snyder, explaining exactly what he did wrong and why he deserved what happened to him. And put your full effort into it - color it this time, don't be lazy and skimp like you did on those issue 10 trial redux pages I asked for. I was hoping to see it by today. Get it to me by Saturday.

Anyway, I still don't understand exactly why you wanted the drawing to go on the cwcki. I thought you didn't want new details and stuff to go on there? So why would you want this picture there? And how do you know this tricomri guy is even a troll? I've never heard his name before.

Well, gtg; I look forward to the picture. Saturday!

Jackie}}
{{Email|April 30, 2011 1:34pm

Chris, is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a couple days. Is your dad doing okay?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|April 30, 2011 9:52pm

My father is fine. I sent you a message about Thursday. I went to watch "Grease" at the Paramount Friday with the Young Adult Group.

I:l( I just found ALL of ny tomgirl photos on the CWCki. I am feeling shock, crestfallen; uncertainty.

That's all I am going to say for now until I get my laptop.

Stay Safe,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 1, 2011 12:38am

What??? How did they get out???

I'm really sorry that happened Chris. Was it because the PSN got hacked? I heard that the hackers made away with a whole bunch of peoples' personal data, like credit card information, login info, and such. They say this is one of the biggest ever leaks of personal information. I've been reading about it here: [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/gamesblog/2011/apr/29/psn-hack-industry-reactions]

I understand you're feeling down from that, so don't worry if you don't feel like talking much right now. But I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

Jackie}}
{{Email|May 2, 2011 5:30pm

Hey, Chris? What's going on? I know you're sad about the PSN being down but really, I don't get why you're just ignoring me. I guess if you aren't interested in reconnecting, that's your prerogative. Hope some other girl is actually able to capture your interest.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 2, 2011 11:06pm

For your information, Jacklyn, my life does not revolve around video games and the friggin' Network, although I do keep up-to-date on the restoration progress on the Blog, so I am well-aware.

NO! I am feeling more ticked with the Trolls right now, and with due respect, you. I have deleted ALL of the messages and photos I have shared in Better confidence with Dana after sending them off. It IS my fault however on authorizing the sharing my recent photos with you. Considering your History of sharing the stories, AND photos and art, of you and me since our first break up with the Trolls. And since then in our off-and-on relationship(?), I have seen "Leaked" e-mails from between you and me on the Cwcki and their damn websites against me. It's either them having direct access with YOUR computers, or you lying to me and possibly keeping a secret that you have become ONE OF THEM. I even remember your past excuse of Lars leaking our stuff to them as well. That and "your friend" will NOT fly with me. I feel disappointment and lack of trust with you. I am sorry, and I empathize with how sad you probably feel from reading this, because I do not like to hurt my friends, but this is the truth.

You WANT me to Earn Your Trust; well You have to Earn My Trust, WITH Interest. I will not be sharing photographs and confidential information with you again until you have earned it.

I would very much like a Successful, Lasting Relationship with a woman as pretty, sweet, trusting and kind as you Used to be. Obviously when there is little to no trust between you and me mutually, I'm afraid it is hard for me to see a future in the relationship between us, and that makes me feel really sad. *sigh*

Jacklyn, Prove me wrong in my theories; Earn My Trust. Think long and deep about that.

Stay Safe. Love,
Christian.}}
{{Email|May 3, 2011 2:10pm

Oh boy, Chris...

First of all, I have NO idea how your pictures got out. My friend that I told you about swears up and down that she kept it secret, and she doesn't even know who you are on the internet or about your past so she would have no reason to care about releasing them. She doesn't even HAVE copies of them. And so what if you deleted your pictures and messages after sending them? For all you know, Sony keeps archives of every message sent by its users without telling them. They already were proven to have lied once, they claimed that their credit card information storage was encrypted but it wasn't, which resulted in a whole lot of peoples' credit cards getting available to the hackers. Maybe when you "delete" something on the PSN it doesn't actually STAY deleted on Sony's servers. Have you thought about the fact that Sony might be screwing you over this time?

Secondly, you act like I have nothing better to care about than your troll activities and as if my entire existence revolves around you and your antics. I have a lot of things going on Chris, and among them I don't have time to give a shit about releasing your photos to trolls, or joining trolls, or BECOMING ONE OF THE TROLLS, as you suggest. Lars did release shit on you in the past but he isn't involved in this anymore, I haven't even told him you and I started talking again. And what do you mean, Lars and my friend will ""not fly" with you?? Are you accusing me of being a liar? How many times have you lied to me??? Only one person out of the two of us has a history of being caught repeatedly lying and warping the truth, and it's not me. Everything I have said to you has been true.

Thirdly, why is it such a big damn deal that those pictures are out? You go out dressed like that in public anyway. Given how obsessive some of those trolls are, I'm surprised none of them have captured photos of you outdoors already anyway. So what if they're laughing at you on their website? What exactly has changed by this?

Fourthly, how arrogant of you to say I have to earn your trust "WITH INTEREST". I spent countless hours talking with you and trying to forge a connection, and how did you respond? You acted like I owed you sex. You whined and complained whenever I asked you to do even the tiniest thing, and even when you did give way and do what I asked, you did it in the laziest, most slapdash method possible, all so you could get back to spending time playing more video games. Rather than you come see me, you wanted ME to come see YOU. You wanted ME to give up what I was doing to entertain YOU. What about just recently, when you got upset that I wanted to buy my new chopsticks? You said I should know the difference between a "want" and a "need", even though you yourself dropped everything so you could go buy a damn PS3 (that you claim your life does not revolve around). Funny how your "needs" apparently encompass toys while everyone else is only allowed to "need" what you think they should need.

But fair enough, I admit that you have reason to be a bit nervous because of the PAST information releases (even though I apologized for doing the email releases A YEAR AGO because I was mad, and I wasn't responsible for anything else after that). What exactly would you have me do to earn your trust? Tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can work with and what's feasible.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 3, 2011 8:04pm

I'm still reading thoroughly your reply. I will respond in detail in a day or two.}}
{{EmailReply|May 5, 2011 1:42am

Dearest Jacklyn

First and Foremost, I owe you a huge apology, Jacklyn. I have conversed with Dana earlier tonight, and she has confirmed for me the
fact of all sent messages and attached images over the PSN were saved on Sony's database in addition to on the sender's and receiver's
consoles. Jacklyn, I am sorry for accussing you of the photos getting in the Trolls' hands, and I am sorry for thinking you were in league with those fiends. I was feeling shocked, embrrassed, mortified and all out paranoid. It is my fault that the photos were put on an online server of any kind; once it's online, it's still going to be somewhere on there for good. And I am sorry for blaming your friend too. For my apologies, I ask only for forgiveness in respect.

On another topic, the leaked e-mails and the discussion which among which made me feel distrust towards you. All I ask in respect to that is you getting your cell phone ASAP (regardless of your chopsticks coming first), and meeting me in person ASAP as well, with due respect for your breakup recovery.

I have also just read that those among my Trolls HAVE hacked into the PSN, as it is described in their May 4th blog entry. A deliberately planned file was put into their servers under the name "Anonymous" and under the subject, "We are Legion". I was victim of the Anons, and I have received or read of their "Legion" before. I have prayed that My Trolls and Cyber Bullies would be found and tried in Sony's and FBI's investigations, and the downfall of ALL of the websites against me, especially the Cwcki, for good to follow. It looks like God is finally answering my prayers for giving due justice to my Trolls, and for this news, I am grateful. Yet I can't help but feel like the PSN hacking was relatively MY fault as well. I have egged the Trolls back for their mocking me, smearing my name and all that. And adding jealousy into the mix when they heard of my SSI, followed by them learning of the majority of my spendings and whatnot.

I will continue to withhold all photo files in any e-mails and such sendings and uploadings. But I will inform you this in confidence. To answer your question of the importance of the tomgirl photos, having them online and being made mockery of not only adds humilation to my emotions, but also they KNOW of my long hair and my current features; I am retargeted for real-life Trolling, and this enables them to recognize me. I did not want to be recognized in public. They have been calling my parents, increasing their paranoia of me "turning queer" from the makeup and all, when that is NOT the case. I will Always be Straight. It is bad enough that my parents both lack trust in me to a certain level that their paranoia takes over their elder minds. I feel that the only way they May begin to accept me as a Tomgirl is if I actually bring home a woman who sincerely likes me for all of who I am, including being a Tomgirl, wearing the makeup and all that. I have to change my shoes and such and put on makeup when I am AWAY from the house, leaving it in my past clothes (panties and bra remained concealed, so that's not much of an issue). And I have to change back and remove the makeup before entering the house again. Plus mom and dad are paranoid of me being targeted to be Killed for being soo different, but that's outdated theories that need to be updated. And they scare me with recent deaths, such as three who have died in Green County recently; Dana confirmed for me that those individuals died of Drug Overdose. I wish I did not have to conceal my makeup, feminine clothes and tomgirl ways in front of them; it saddens me and frustrates me.

sigh

I'm still recovering from my family giving me hell in that category on my way out yesterday and shouting angrily at me.

On another topic, the Sylvania "Smartbook" isn't working out as much for me as I had thought, and it is not upgradeable, even in downloadable software. I will save up and do better for a laptop in a month or two.

I'll e-mail you later. Stay Safe with Care,
Christian.

P.S.

In the "with interest" comment I made in the previous e-mail, it was NOT meant to be sexual; I meant solely for like things like keeping promises and confidential secrets and the like.}}
{{Email|May 5, 2011 8:54pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you for your apology. It was very sweet of you to be so forthcoming, and it takes a big man to admit his mistakes. I forgive you ;)

Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to talk at the moment but I just wanted to say that. Also, I'll definitely be getting a new phone as soon as I have some cash available, but in the meantime I'm still saving up for my chopsticks. This is the pair I really want, take a look! :)
[http://tinyurl.com/bmjcbos]

I gotta go, but I'll write more later. Night!!

XOXO

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|May 6, 2011 10:08pm

First, let me offer my initial response to your last message's second
topic. I do not mean to give you a hard time; it's only an initial
response from surprise. $2,000 for a pair of chopsticks? I would say
that is outrageous if I didn't know better of you getting them locally
for less (correct me if I'm wrong). You could be getting that cell
phone for less than $100.

I apologize if I offended you with the statement.

Onto another topic of importance, last night, I have hand-written an
8-page press-release documenting the details of my trolled experiences
and my apology for egging the Trolls in response. I will be typing the
document for yours, and Linnea's, reference. Plus, in your case, Jacklyn,
it would make a good article for your newsletter.

I'll TTYL.
Stay Safe with care,
Christian.}}
{{EmailReply|May 6, 2011 10:38pm

Subject: Re: PlayStation Network Hacking Issue

To All Who are concerned,

My name is Christian Weston Chandler; alias, Christopher, of
Ruckersville, VA, U.S.A. PSN ID: "Sonichu".

I take pen in hand as not only one of millions of PlayStation 3 Owners
and Network Members, or a concerned individual on the Great, Vast topic
of Trolls, Cyber-Bullies, Anons, etc., but as a Victim of these fiends.

I have read on the May 4th PlayStation Blog entry @
blog.playstation.com, the confirmation of the sophisticated and planned
bug-planting from "Anonymous" with the message, "We Are Legion". I
have prayed throughout the PSN outtage since mid-April, 2011 that Sony
and the Federal Beural of Investigation would find all of MY Trolls,
who have been bothering me since November of 2007, starting with their
Hate and name-Smearing Campaigne against me on the now deceased
Encyclopedia Dramatica website.

I was, and still am (in a bad way), Internet Famous. I am the original
creator of the Electric-Hedgehog Pok'emon, Sonichu and Rosechu; I have
drawn a number of comic books, by hand, of some of their, and mine,
adventures. But at around Book 5 or 8, the Trolls have affected me,
and became obscenely intrusive in my head; Too Many Cooks in my work.
A MAJOR batch of thorns pinching and aching my nerves.

To the point, I erroniously for Years egged the Trolls back; responding
time and again to their mocking me, slandering my once good name,
destroying me with a terrible internet reputation full of lies and
exaggerations. I was also tricked, deceived, blackmailed, etc. of a
lot of my own personal information. And contrary to what they say
about me, and of utmost importance to me, I AM Heterosexual; I am
attracted to Women. It ticks me off to be grossly mislabled otherwise.

Over the years, the trolls continue to get more and more personal info from me through Hacking into MY Online accounts from my e-mail, to identity theft through my debit and credit cards, AND Destroying ALL of my websites including "CWC's Sonichu Site", The First and Original
Sonichu and Rosechu website, created solely from my hands, and the last
to fall from my control, the later updated "Cwcipedia". The Trolls
have created among their websites, The Worst of their sites to slander,
hate and smear my name, The "Cwcki". They have also hacked into MY
PlayStation Network Account not Once, but THREE Times, getting my
Purchase History, Out of Jealousy, or something of their twisted
reasons, because from my High-Functioning Autism having a monthly
Social Security Income. I can not help it at this point, because
thanks to those fiends, Any Background Check on me from applying for a
Job or Work... INSTANT NO-HIRE! I man, Google My Name; ALL
HATE-CAMPAIGNE. I also LOST my MySpace and Facebook accounts to those
fiends. If I had ANY hacking skills, I would have Counter-Attacked the
Trolls and cleared my name, but I have no such skills at all. And for
about Two Years now, I have ceased Socializing Online, AND I heavily
discourage Everyone from Socializing Online. The whole world is
becoming more and more Anti-Social AND Autistic-Like from Online
Socializing. It is No Good.

It is REAL LIFE Socializing Or Bust For Me!!!

And Because of my trials of responding and egging them on, and it
leading them to hacking my PSN account, I feel, in association, it is
my fault the PlayStation Network was hacked in the first place, leading
to their sophisticated attack last April and the exposure of Sony's
faulty security and all this.

I feel bad, because from egging the Trolls on in my past immaturity in
response, it has caused a lot of grief, troubles and problems to the
good people at Sony. Yet on the other hand, I feel good, because from
my past addressed notes and concerns I called and told them before and
all, the security of the PSN is being addressed greatly, the F.B.I. is
closing in on the Trolls more, and finally Justice May be Served
Greatly to ALL of those fiendish Trolls.

In my past, my family and I have received phone calls that were obscene
and abusive from these Trolls as well. We have reported them to the
Police. We had trouble trying to, and finally reaching, report to the
F.B.I., and even talking to Congressman, Tom Perrillo. Sadly, The
Police have done Very Little to help us; the F.B.I. have not been able
to help us either, and Perrillo has flaked out on us too; NOTHING. He
is a bad man to us.

And all the while, The Trolls continue to hurt and affect us
emotionally and mentally with their Trolling us, Me in real life with
unwanted photo-taking of me and uploading them for twisted Troll
reasons, and such; Mind Control-Like! My family and I are paranoid,
ticked off and emotionally worse of these Trolls and Cyber-Bullies.

What I am saying here is Sony is NOT TO Blame for the Data-Hacking,
Loss and all. It is the Trolls, Cyber-Bullies and Anons who ALL should
be sued for this outtage and soo much more.

And because I egged them back, I feel like I am at fault as well, and I
am greatly sorry for that.

What should be done from this point on is pure and simple; Do Not
Respond to Any Troll Attacks; Just Delete All e-mails, voice-mails and
snail-mails that insult you or ask for very personal information. And
if you know, or are related, to any suspicious people with hacking
knowledge or too may Personal Computer items in their possession,
REPORT THEM To your local Police Department or F.B.I., or any
authoritive person.

When we do our part, we can put an end to Cyber-Bullying, Trolling and
their "Anonymous" and "4-Chan" Groups, and all unrequired, unwanted
smear and hate campaignes of innocent people like me and you for GOOD.

Have a good and safe day.

(signed) Christian Weston Chandler.
May 5, 2011}}

==References==
<references/>

{{succession
|label = [[Jackie E-mails]]
|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 24]]
|nextlink = Last
|bgcolor = #ffdddd
|bordercolor = #ff00ff
|textcolor = #000000
}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 25]]

Talk:Prank calls

2012-12-11T19:50:31Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Not A Forum}}

==When were these recorded?==

Any way of knowing when they were recorded? Obviously, the latest possible date was when they were uploaded to YouTube, but it might be interesting to know what they knew or should've known about when they were on the phone. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 06:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

*the soundboard ones fall are after the kacey and liquid phone call, but the failed attempt and the liquid bob call could fit mostly anywhere in christory. Besides that there is no way to know when these were recorded.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 20:23, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

== Well at least we gained something of value ==

Based on one of these calls, the Chandlers have one of those phones that lights up instead of rings so they're not quite as bothered with the constant calls. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:11, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

== About the pranks that should be included in this page ==
* I think the only pranks that should be placed up in these pages should be the relevant ones and the ones directed at the chandler home only, so the Mary lee walsh Cole and the unsuccessful troll screaming "julaaaaaay" video shouldn't be up in this page.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 00:57, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
:* I bet they had quite a few JULAAAAAAAY calls back in the day. Do we need to list the fails amongst the win? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 01:07, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
::Calling the Chandler's up and screaming JULAAAAAAAAY is still funny, so it merits being included *somewhere*. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:09, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
:::*Anyone for splitting the page into two distinct sections? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 01:35, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
: that might be the best if you want, but i added the bob prank calls because of his tendency to yap on, he gave some more info, not like the Michael, Cole and Mary lee Walsh calls.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

* If you add every single prank call using chris chan soundboards you can find in youtube, then this page will be crowded, add only prank calls made to the chandler house.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 13:11, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
:*The ones to People in the chandler household, or major figures in Chris's life (Snyder, Mary Lee Walsh) are pretty relevant. The ones like Chris calling the golden corral and Bob calling the Department of Education are stupid, and have nothing to do with Chris.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 12:07, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
::*I'm now thinking only calls that are referenced by other pages on the CWCki/have info should be put on here. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 21:37, 28 October 2010 (PDT)

== Whistling ==

Are we sure that it was the troll who was blowing the whistle on the Epic Crazy Lady soundboard call? Some people blow a whistle into the phone when they are trying to get a prank caller or a bill collector to stop bothering them. Maybe it was Snorlax.
[[User:Squirrelbait|Squirrelbait]] 16:56, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

No, the part with the whistle was a totally different prank call where the troll used a soundboard of Bob to call a niggo who blew the whistle at Bob. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 03:37, 6 August 2010 (PDT)

==Call Bobby Chandler==

Does anyone else think that call should get it's own page? I mean, considering it reveals that Bob Chandler may be a member of the KKK, and if not at least has friends who are members, wouldn't it be considered important enough to warrant a page? [[user:Melainia|Melainia]] 14:20, 24 September 2010 (EST)
:Prank calls page is fine IMO. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:33, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:Frankly I think it's not even worth recording. There's a good chance Bob was just saying that to try and intimidate them. Besides the two were obvious idiots who just wanted e-fame. [[User:Love Paladin|Love Paladin]] 09:15, 26 September 2010 (PDT)

==New CwC Prank Call==
Awhile ago Carlos had all fetishes down including watersports & pretty much anything that didn't sound homo to him, I think we have mirrored the profile that shows all of the fetishes he was game for but just recently i found out he removed them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkLsxL3ShI0 [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 22:22, 6 November 2010 (PDT)

== Bob Okay With Jews? ==

In the latest PC Assassins call, Bob spoke about Jews and Israelis when the subject came up. He seems to be quite amicable toward [[Michael Snyder|the people]] [[Chris]] hates so much. Bob goes so far as to say they "deserve {the homeland of Israel}" Is this more of the brighter side of him, coming to light? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 18:03, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
*It may be a lesser of two evils thing with the taliban and the like being portrayed in the media.

== Transcribing ==
An entire hour and 7 minutes of the PC Assassins attention whoring and Bob being kindly and old is there for transcribing. I suppose this will be what I do on the CWCki for a while. Unless someone wants to help.
*Also I'd like to know if when transcribing I could just transcribe Chris related talk and timestamp it. There is an excess of 2 hours of Craig being a yes-man and Bob talking about old people's things. [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 09:26, 8 May 2011 (PDT)
::I don't think anyone would complain if you kept it Chris-related, both for your sake and for the sakes of potential readers. Good luck. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 10:40, 8 May 2011 (PDT)

== Where'd they go? ==

There were some other videos of the prank calls done by the PCassassins An Extended Chat With Bobby parts 1-4 (or 5 i think)...Where did they go? I only see episodes one and two... They WERE there up until the 8th of May and the 4th one in particular had some juicy Chris information (No actual Honor Roll and No actual Job in particular). Did they accidentally get deleted or what?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:39, 9 May 2011 (PDT)
: I just did some looking and it looks like the only parts of the "Episodes" from PCassassins is the first part...not the rest. Some of them (the other parts) are pretty informative about Chris's life as well as how he grew up...though some of them are solely about Bob... Shouldn't we still post them at least??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:44, 9 May 2011 (PDT)

: The missing parts did not get deleted. We have them set to private and backed up on file, we figured too hold onto them for now until we are ready to release them. --[[User:ThePCassassins|ThePCassassins]] 06:30, 17 May 2011 (PDT)

== Parts Just Died Here ==

One channel was closed on YouTube and now this page lost about a half dozen calls. Has anyone mirrored them? --[[User:IwegalBadnik|IwegalBadnik]] 13:01, 15 May 2011 (PDT)

==PCAssassins calls==
Problem - most of these calls were making the article REALLY long, when they could easily go in their own article. Other problem - PCASssassins are giant faggots who are clearly trolling Chris for e-fame. Solution - I made a subpage just for them. Yes, it's still a page devoted to them but it's only a subpage. If you people want to argue that they get a regular page, I'd be for that, I am concerned about how they would perceive such a page though, as I don't want drama like there was over "Sonichu: The Animated Series."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:40, 16 May 2011 (PDT)

Were not trying to receive any E-fame as you put it. We just wanted too prove too you that a couple of outsiders can accomplish something that you could never do.
But yeah a page for us would be great for everyone too get more information on the Chandlers during this Chris dry spell.
[[User:ThePCassassins|ThePCassassins]] 06:13, 17 May 2011 (PDT)
*Harassing a dying man. You two must be really proud of what you have accomplished.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 09:28, 18 May 2011 (PDT)
* Yes you are trying to recieve E-fame as Champ put it, you gigantic faggots. I've explained like three times why we could easily accomplish what you do, yet you're too stubborn to admit it because you think you're epin master trolls who are totally sucking amazing never-before heard info out of Bob during a dry spell. We have ''field agents'', most of the information Bob gave you was already known by them (ex. cancer). Bob is gullible, and obviously calling him pretending to be an engineering student is going to get him to yap on over the phone. It doesn't mean you're anything special, anyone can do it. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 12:02, 18 May 2011 (PDT)
*File:1286510923112.gif
Well said you two.[[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 15:41, 18 May 2011 (PDT)
** No, really, take it to the forums. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 15:42, 18 May 2011 (PDT)

*Uh suck it you massive fags, your nothing more then a bunch of pathetic losers who spend all your time on this shitty site. Judging other videos because of different tactics to retrive info on a subject that everyone is interested. Well I hope you people are enjoying this site, cause in ten years you'll realise you've all wasted your lives onone person, also you mention you have agents in the field and that all the information we got out of Bob you guys already had, I call bullshit. You people are nothing more then then jealous wannabes who get angry at anyone on the outside who is able too get information out of a member of the Chandler family. Some how it seems that you people lost your way and maybe thats why you people always seem too never make any real big updates, no new Chris videos, oh wait the tom-girl photos oh wait those must be new, oh wait a second Chris's hair is so thin and that doesn't look like a wig, how old are those photos? A year maybe two? I haven't seen a site run by such faggots before. But you know what i'm glad our calls aren't on this shitty site at least then I know we accomplished something and thats not being connected too you assholes. Also your all fags. [[User:ThePCAssassins|ThePCAssassins]]
*Not mad at all.[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 05:14, 21 May 2011 (PDT)
**I'm not sure you guys realise that that isn't the PC Assassins. Just to clarify, it isn't. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 07:20, 21 May 2011 (PDT)

== Calls re-linked ==

I edited the page changing the links of certain calls to play the original uploads. User:Freecell undid this, commenting "Going through calls and changing working links to your own reuploads so you can get more views? That's not really ok."

First of all, I'm not TheGoldenPhone2. Second of all, those ARE TheGoldenPhone2's calls. They are not "re"-uploads. User RachmaninovDESU's video even claims it is not his call.

It's hardly a big deal, but I'm a stickler for giving credit where it's due.
[[User:AndarielHalo|AndarielHalo]] 20:56, 27 August 2011 (PDT)
:Fair enough, my fault. I guess I didn't give it enough thought. I'll remedy this now. Sorry about that. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 21:27, 27 August 2011 (PDT)
::Oh wait, it seems you already did. Anyway, I'll try to keep this in mind in case something like this happens again. Thanks. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 21:29, 27 August 2011 (PDT)

:::S'okay. At some point I'll have to make transcript of the new call I added [[User:AndarielHalo|AndarielHalo]] 08:35, 28 August 2011 (PDT)
:::::There are still calls that are NOT working, have been made private, or have been removed by the user. Could one of you fine bitches with all the faggy links please fix that shit .. [[User:Slimz|slimz - ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐]] 11:56, 10 April 2012 (PDT)
::::: OK it seems like none of you fine bitches with all the faggy links care to fix this shit. I cant believe that there is only ONE copy of these damn calls online but i guess if thats the case then the videos should be removed or commented out until better linls can be found.. [[User:Slimz|slimz - ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐]] 11:50, 18 July 2012 (PDT)

== Anyone have the GoldenPhone calls saved anywhere? ==

The channel is gone and the videos are taken down. The Bob Calls Himself, the Epic Crazy Lady and the Chris Calls Bob calls are nowhere to be found. If anyone has em upload em plz tia ([[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 11:50, 11 December 2012 (PST))

Prank calls

2012-12-11T19:38:59Z

ShotgunJones: replaced one deleted video. lots of videos need replacement though.

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.
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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.
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'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.
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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

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==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Hip4p09vtWY}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Father Call

2012-11-14T15:59:45Z

ShotgunJones: /* Death and fake Internet women */

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

On the fourth of [[November 2009|November, 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''[[Troll|Matthew Devoria]]''' (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is apparently a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[Obesity|being overweight]], and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Summary==
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious sounding claims about his weight-lifting prowess. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to her father, Matthew.
* Matthew is fairly civil toward Chris to begin with, though it's immediately obvious that Matthew doesn't have much respect for him. Matthew begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a Pokemon Gym Leader seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding [[monthly tugboat]]. Matthew asks if any hypothetical children of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic (or "'tard babies" to use Matthew's phrasing), and while Chris denies that they would be, Matthew checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris [[lie]]s during the call, and while Matthew goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous when Chris does it again.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named Crystal. Not only does Matthew consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and thinks it's more appropriate for a stripper.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, Chris is questioned on why [[Liquid Chris]] (who Matthew will sing the praises of many times during the call) was impersonating him. Solid Chris's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with [[Sonichu]]. Matthew is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on Sonichu, before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matthew brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers|Chris's little 9/11 video]], and says that he found it especially offensive, since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center that day. Chris's only response is to say the video was really [[Clyde Cash]]'s fault, because he was being mean to Chris.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matthew tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, including having to pull up weeds, mow the lawn, move furniture, and bury his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matthew is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother.
* Chris doesn't let the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working discourage him, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matthew, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he won't come to D.C. to meet Kacey.
* Matthew accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of [[Chris's room]] (as seen in [[Tour of Chris's House|the tour]] of [[14 Branchland Court]]) as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, causing Matthew to sarcastically comment on his lack of maturity, only for Chris to miss the sarcasm and think Matthew is actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, Chris tries to compare the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matthew spent carrying his dead colleague back to base. Matthew is ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matthew to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''... and then starts describing the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a vaguely correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story.
* Matthew says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat, and Chris ''completely'' misses the point and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his monthly tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matthew points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matthew off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be eighty-four per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by this, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matthew points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots don't make videos mocking 9/11.
* Matthew decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11. Matthew tells Chris that he must be [[naive]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of the word "naive" and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his Elementary School principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matthew brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriately "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" to be a cast-iron rule, rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly attempts to end the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit; Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.
* Portal is occasionally heard in the background.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, fifty-pound weights...not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s- good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good, good... So, uh... So, I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an- with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see... You got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w- yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for, like, uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]... I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off, I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at...''Target''... I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean...surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know... but I mean, if I- if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh... I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for three years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had- I did- I have done volunteer work... Uh...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the- I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens' Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading [[Card games|Card Game]] league a few years back...

'''Matthew:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Matthew:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. So about ten years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for ten years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah, but also, like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting... but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? And, I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have- I have been- I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that, I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right... Well, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pok-e-man'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for a while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though... I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.

'''Matthew:''' ...With her help?

'''Chris:''' ...And get a place of my own...

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know...um... Some details I'm not understand... I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Matthew:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know...I keep between myself...

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, if you can't s-s- If you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the 'Tard-baby===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh...

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um...

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar... I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go... What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see... If you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[extremely uncomfortable laughter]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Matthew:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Matthew:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and [[chores]]===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Matthew:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Matthew:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...

===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Matthew:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah... Let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like...a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly...as a friend...a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... Points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic... If you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't...do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...[[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''Cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Matthew:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*[[Niggo|Niggo-rigged]] audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special

2012-08-18T06:15:31Z

ShotgunJones: /* Part 2: #9 and #8 */ uploaded replacement video

'''KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special''' is a series of videos uploaded on 12 [[August 2009 ]], wherein [[Chris]] stood in for [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta Sonichu]] as DJ for [[KCWC]], the [[CWCville]] radio station. In a special live broadcast from his bedroom, Chris dedicated 10 songs to a number of people in his life.

== Part 1: #10 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|IzdJEkjaHxM}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

[Note: All sound effects are done with Chris's voice.]

[''Chris makes some random sound effects while holding the KCWC advertisement from [[Sonichu 8]]'']

[''Normal voice''] Yes. Yes yes. Yes, what is it?

[''Starts with a squeaky voice, but quickly returns to normal''] A man wants to know what to do for info-mation. Why call us, it's on the dial: information. You heard him.

[''Lame drum roll''] Quiet, we're on the air.

[''Pause, then a lame imitation of the NBC chimes, then a cluck'']

[''Creepily''] Hello, everyboooody. We just brought the moon over the mountain.

[''Squeaky''] Hello ma, hello pa. [The rest is unintelligible.]

[''Interrupting himself''] Quiet. [''Gay voice''] Dis broadcast is being brought to you by the courtesy of Bright-o, in six delicious flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, cranberry, strawberry, and raspberry. [Yes, that was only five.]

[''Squawks. Squeaky''] It's still raspberry. [[It's UGH!|Ehhhhh]]. Oh no! [''Whooping noise''] Now get quiet or I'll smack you again. [[We're Being Watched|Are you listening?]] V-v-v-voom v-v-v-voom.

[''Drunkenly''] Hey gedatta here. [Gay voice] Now don't go away ladies and gentlemen. We will soon be with you. [''Really, really gay''] Zheeem! Boom. Cuckoo.

[''Whispers, barely audibly''] Da orrist. [Three chimes.] Boop!

[''Crappy opening tune. Sings''] It's time to open that radio station. It's that cool radio station. Here it is, station KCWC. And here is your hoooost with the moooost, [[Jamsta Sonichu]]

Good evening-good orning [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|guys, gals, dudes of all ages]]. This is your host, Jamsta Sonichu. Everybody he-here everybody heh. Station KCWC, with my co-host [[Lolisa Rosechu]]. But for the moment we will be taking you live to Christian Chandler's bedroom. Take it away, Mr. C.

[''Jump cut to Chris sitting on his bed'']

Thank you Jamsta. Yes this is [''takes off glasses''] Christian Weston Chandler, birth name Christopher. Born on February 24, [[1982]]. Ri-coming to you live from the house in Ruckersville, Virginia, that reaches from the beaches to the shore. Everdear on everythang KCWC. And today we will be offering a special dedication. It's our top ten dedications to some of the young, inspiring people out there. Uh, even [[Chris and death|some that may have passed away unfortunately, God rest in peace for those individuals]]. But anyway, we will be doing our top den dedications.

Originally for #10 we were going to do "Drops of Jupiter" from T-uh, from uh... "Drops of Jupiter" from Train I think it was, for this individual named [[Max|Max Molvanîa]]. [''Suddenly angry''] But you know what this son of a bitch conned me out of ''Disgaea 3'', ''Street Fighter 4'', and ''Burnout Paradise'' full game, DLC, between those first two games and whatnot, from the Playstation Network, as stored from me in the first place so [''Farting noise''] to him... And also impersonated the [[Julie|woman that I th-d-thought for a long time the person was.]]

Anyway, so instead, we will be doing th-our-for our #10, as for our first inspirational song, we will be doing this dedication for all upcoming young artists of, uh, hand-drawing speculations [''makes gesture in the air''] or handcrafting or whatever. [''Touches medallion''] Handcraft. Anyway. Anyway, we will be doing, this is for, like, you know, for all them, as well as any individuals, within any schools - every single school - who I know gets bullied or tortured nadata, as well as those on the internet who get bullied and tortured by the dang internet bullies and trolls. Dis song is for y'all. It's "Dare" from [[Wikipedia:Stan Bush|Stan Bush]].

[''Jump cut to [[Optimus Prime]] toy as "Dare" plays. A black wire is lifted past the screen about halfway through for...no discernable reason. Also, we now see where Chris' glasses get thrown to, which is important'']

[''Jump cut back to Chris. He takes off his glasses'']

Ah, yes, Mr. Stan Bush with an inspirational word for us never to let our dreams die. The power's at our command. [''Holds up his hand''] We hold the future in our hands [''points to head''] the little voice inside us tellises to lash around, but we press on anyway.

Anyway, before we move on to song #9, we have to take a brief break for to let the commercials air. First, the word from our sponsor, the "I Love Lucy" show. We love you Lucy O'Ball.

[H''olds up KCWC advertisement again. Talks in a falsetto''] Hello friends, I'm da Vitameatavegimin<ref>A reference to the "I Love Lucy" episode ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Does_a_TV_Commercial Lucy Does a TV Commercial]'', Chris's favorite "I Love Lucy" episode.</ref> girl. Hey ta, run down lislis. Do you wayla parties? Are you popular? Get ya all da brothels in Lucy O'Barno. Vitameatavegimin. Vitameatavegimin contains vitamins, meat, veg-et-ables and minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegimin, you can spun your way to hell. Just take one tablespoon full after every meal. It's so tasty too. Mmm, tastes like candy. So why not join the thousands of happy cappy people and get a big bottle full of Vitameatavegimin tomorrow. That's Vita-[[Duck|meata]]-vegimin.

== Part 2: #9 and #8 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|SnGqv4afWfw}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

And! Welcome back to station K-C-W-C! We are the main station of the city of Cwcville, Virginia, reachin' da beaches! We are live and raring to keep on trackin' with ''everything''. During dedications, I'd like to take one brief, brief moment to make a dedication to Mr. R.L. Stine, [''holds up ''Goosebumps'' novel, turning his head briefly to his right as if to read off a cue card''] author of ''Goosebumps'', [''pauses, then holds up two ''Fear Street'' novels, turning his head again briefly to the right''] and the ''Fear Streets''. Thank you mister R.L. Stine, you were an [''salutes''] inspiration to me [[A Week With Christian Chandler|through high school]]. Gave me a few frights as well.

And also thanks to Sarah Bevell, my- one of my high school [[gal-pal]]s, who gave me a couple of S--your Senior books... uh, I have the other one, but I found this one, but, still good to go.

Anyway, coming in at, uh, #9, we are doing a distance dedication (well, not so distant, 'cause he lives near sa- near the city of Ruckersville or Charlottesville... uh, Dyke, I believe it was). Anyway, we are puttin' out a dedication to Joshua Martinez, followed by one for [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa Anne Hudgens]]. Hey, don't believe his pictures, all the ladies he has on his iPhone: they're from people's Mysp- spaces that he dun even know, so he's lyin' [[Homos|through his ass]] (and I bet he was lyin' through his ass when, when he told, when, uh, he told me I was talking to Vanessa Hudgens the whole time, uh, even though i-- even though it would have been nice gal-pal and I should have been talkin' to her for REAL, but, but nonetheless, his screenname was used for it every time I talked to supposedly her, if I was him the whole time, whatta dang dirty liar! I don't care if the trolls troll HIM!).

Anyway, our next song is "[[Wikipedia:No Tengo Dinero|No Tengo Dinero]]" from [[Wikipedia:Los Umbrellos|Los Umbrellos]] (and, by the way, another lie he told me: I checked. [''pauses''] Vanessa Hudgens was never in Los Umbrellos). So anyway, come in #10, "No Tengo Dinero," followed by (I mean, #9 was "No Tengo Dinero"), followed by #8, "[[Wikipedia:Sneakernight|Sneakernight]]." Thank you, Vanessa, if I had actually been talkin' to you.

[''"No Tengo Dinero" by Los Umbrellos plays, followed by "Sneakernight" by Vanessa Hudgens. Chris has the cover of the Dreamcast title ''Samba De Amigo'' in front of the camera. Video ends just as "Sneakernight" ends.'']

== Part 3: #7 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|wb7fF5qO-hA}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

And you are list' to Everything Station KCWC! That was, uh, shoot, "Sneakernight" from Vanessa Hudgens. Thank- ladies and gentlemen, coming in on #8 I believe it was? Yeah, #8 on the Top 10 Dedications.

Coming up next at #7, we got another long-distance dedication, to the old gal-pal of mine that I almost had a ra- I had meant to be- I had her "I love you" before I got kicked out, [[Megan Schroeder]], her, from her favorite, this is from her favorite h-artist, [[Wikipedia:Yngwie Malmsteen|Yngwie Malmsteen]]. Take it away, Mr. Malm.

[''"Making Love (Extended Guitar Mix)" by Yngwie Malmsteen plays, with Megan's original drawing of [[Megagi]] in front of the camera.'']

== Part 4: #6 and #5 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|TrtwCPK4_PA}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

Ah yes the old extended guitar mix track I had just for the [[Megan|girl]] [[Lie|I had]] that I love you, but unfortunately lost contact with her, she moved away. Lives in another state. I hope you're still safe and well, Megan.

Anyway coming in at number six! A dedication to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Mr. born with the name Christian W. Chandler]]... but he was not the real deal because... in order to be the real deal you ha-you ahh-you cannot, you cannot be the real deal because I am the real deal, born with the-I was born with the name Christopher. So there. He was not he was born as a Christian W Chandler. Anyway this dedication... anyway... You know him as being the impostor who made me pull out my Parappa Hat, and my shirt that I won from the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Parappa Contest]] back in August 2008. Now! The Dedication goes out to him, and his sweetheart [[Kacey]]. It's a classic from [[Wikipedia:'N Sync|'N Sync]], so... [''points at the camera''] quit tearing out my heart, or-and her heart, Christian. Take it away 'N Sync!

[''[[Wikipedia:Tearin' Up My Heart|Tearin' Up My Heart]]" by 'N Sync plays in horrendously low quality. Throughout the song, an image of a brown Sonichu is held in front of the camera. This brown Sonichu was revealed to be the comic counterpart of [[Liquid Chris]] on 17 [[November 2009]]'']

[''Jump cut to Chris sitting on his bed, wearing a blue vest and what appears to be a cub scouts bandanna. He turns to face the camera.'']

Peace out and how! Just coming to you live from my bedroom on station KCWC. And Quit tearing up our hearts man! Yeah, you're the one that's [[List of Chris's lies|lying]]. Heh, you in last video. The dog? [''Inhuman falsetto''] THE DAAAA! [''Normal voice''] What the-no, that's-that's just wrong man. That's just wrong.

Anyway! Coming in at number five! It's a dedication to myself but also mainly to my pa-to my... to the on that was at my birth name: Christopher. Christopher Weston Chandler. Before the name change and all, he still lives in me [''Removes glasses, leans into camera and points to his left eye'']] in my one blue eye. [''backs away from the camera, replaces glasses''] And in my heart and soul. [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 30th, 2009|Cuz he is me, I am him]]. You don't get that, you're just-this guy.. uh that guy.

[''Reaches for Sonic CD box on bed''] Anyway coming in at-anyway coming in at number five, oh and also, Neckerchief: I was in the Wolf Scouts. The Wolf Cub Scouts. In the late 1980's Den number four, Red numbers 174. If You find the den mother that ran that-that ran that-that house den thing way back when, tell her Christopher says: [''Suddenly angry''] Hey. Why'd you kick me out? Because I was autistic you were afraid of me? Yeah. But still, hey.

Anyway, [''Holds up Sonic CD case''] [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog CD#Music|Sonic Boom from Pastiche]]! [''pronounced "Past-teach-ee"''] Cuz it's our common link as our hero, even before [[Sonic The Hedgehog]] came around, it was the [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]], and that one movie. Anyway, let's get rocking. Oh and also, the Cub Scouts, [''Does a salute of sorts''] that's where I learned to salute like this! So, the further salute... to Christopher. As he still lives on in me. Let's get Boomin'!

[''The end credits version of "Sonic Boom" by Pastiche plays in the background with terrible audio quality. The Case for Sonic CD is held up to the camera throughout.'']

== Part 5: #4 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|r4dq59up2fg}}</center>

The picture shown during the song is a hand-drawn portrait of [[Sarah_Jackson|Sarah Jackson]]

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:SarahJackson.jpg|thumb|right|Image from the video dedicated to Sarah Jackson.]]
Ah, yes the p--classic from the Sonic series, and ''Pas-tee-chee'' that continues to be a [''raises finger''] BIIIG number one hit in the city of CWCVille, Virginia, and the heart of me, Christopher Christian Weston Chandler [''touches left manboob'']. YOU are listening to every-thing station: KCWC. Before we continue with the de--uh, dedication list I just would like to, uh, bring out that, uh, like you to know... from a friend of mine, uh, she, uh recommended ah White Stripes ''unformanute''--unfortunately we do not have any tracks of them at the moment, but as soon--but as soon we download some, uh y'know, we'll put in there during twelve o'clock, like everything ''lunch hour'', ...Heh... on this radio station that "''Reaches the Beaches''", and uh, you know, she's also helped me out as well in the past, ah you know for uh more recent events...

And, uh also, just another dog-gone note - [''holds up Starscream toy''] OXYSTAR-SCREEA--UH, OXY-StarsSclean: "OxyStarsSclean", AKA Oxycleanfanatic2264 Your friend has left you. Now you can go rot with [[Megatron pistol|Megatron]]! [''throws Starscream toy on the floor''].

Anyway, coming in at number 4 on the Top Ten dedication: the heart of mine [''removes glasses''] --m-my heart goes out to... da, fi--the, uh, final --the 3 girls that top that-- that I'll mention, uh, here in this conte-- ah in the ''final four''. Firstly, Ms. Sarah Jackson. (That may be no accident??) she was as ''tough as a bear''. And she was a very good woman. And she was a true friend. Among the gal pals I've talke-- I've made, and talked to on the Internet... [''shrill voice''] UNLIKE [[Blanca|BLANCA WEISS]] WHO TURNED OUT TO BE A TROOOOLL. Anyway, uh--r, anyway, Rita I know is a family member, i-if y-you are waching this: her hear--y'all smiles, and hers, still has a place in my heart. Just like all my [[Gal_pal|Gal Pals]]... in my past, and everywhere. Their smiles still have a place in my heart. So, anyway, from the track that she picked out for me just before she passed-- [''Big ol' empty [[sigh]]''] take it away: [[Wikipedia:REO Speedwagon|REO Speedwagon]]...

AND she was also the teacher in the Sex-Ed class in that [[Sonichu_9|episode]]... I'm sorry, [[Dating_education|DATING EDUCATION]] class.

[''REO Speedwagon takes it away with "[[Wikipedia:Can't Fight This Feeling|Can't Fight this Feeling]]" on KCWC'']

== Part 6: #3 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|SnPodMBt9qg}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

You are listening to Everything Station KCWC.

Coming in at #3 for our Top 10 Dedications, a friend- sweet friend of mine- good friend of my sweet, my doomed sweetest Ivy O'Neil, Sen-Chan (I dare not reveal her real name), but anyway, she has been a good friend of her, her [??] the days and she's be-uh, she has been good to me as well. So anyway, based upon her suggestion and, uh, request, here's a classic, here's a good one from [[Britney Spears]], "Heaven on Earth."

[''"Heaven on Earth" by Britney Spears plays. The picture shown is a drawing of a Meowth based fan character who was previously featured in the [[Wedding Comic]] (where her name was revealed to be Lilith).'']

== Part 7: #2 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|PmK9OMPYse4}}</center>

=== Transcript ===

[''Song "[[Wikipedia:Holding Out for a Hero|Holding Out For a Hero]]" by [[Wikipedia:Bonnie Tyler|Bonnie Tyler]] plays. A picture of Chris and Ivy from [[Sonichu Special 1]] is in front of the camera.'']

[''Picture disappears, leaving us looking at Chris's face with his eyes bulging out''] Ahhh, yes. Coming in at #2, that was Bonnie Tyler's "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out For a Hero]]," dedicated to my sweetest [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]. It was a fool of my father, tricked me into believing him, and my detective not finding her father in any of the police records. (Shoot.) [''Sighs.''] My heart still, has a place for your smile, Ivy. Please come back. But, you know, I'll move on, still, but, you know, it'd be nice if you'd come back one day.

Anyway, now, after the commercial break, we'll talk about s-, we'll talk about #1 on the hit dedication charts, right here on station KCWC!

== Part 8: #1 ==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|tthvRiFWWl0}}</center>

=== Transcript ===
And welcome back to Everything Station KCWC in [''removes glasses''] Cwcville, Virginia. Anyway, coming in at number one on the Top Ten Dedication…is inspirational. Comes from the hear - eh - which was sung by the uh galpal I talked to all the way from Australia, [[PandaHalo]], inspire - [''holds up PandaHalo art''] drew the original fan art that's gonna be da cover of book number 10. Also somebody else drew fanart that was gonna be book for uh - book - eh- the next book after that, season - for the - season premiere. Anyway. Anyway, this goes out to uh her, may she rest in peace even though she burned once in those brush fires.

Here is [''whispers dramatically''] "Lift Up Your Eyes" from The Planetshakers [''regular voice''] on Everything Station KCWC and after the song's over I'm gonna hand everything back to Jamsta Sonichu. Have a safe day.

''[The song plays, while Chris shows the cover of [[Sonichu 10]]]''

[''As song begins''] She also had quite the lovely voice when she sang it for me as well.

==References==

<references/>

{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-11]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-11]]

Talk:KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special

2012-08-18T06:03:14Z

ShotgunJones: FOUND IT

Get transcribing, fuckers. Chris has lost his mind again and there's lulzy stuff. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:22, 12 August 2009 (CEST)

== Separate Pages ==

I'm guessing that this page is going to have to be broken up along the lines of the [[SingStar Challenge]], given its length. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 18:38, 12 August 2009 (CEST)

*Actually, they could all go on one page. The Singstar Challenge was tricky because we had to consider Chris's videos, Liquid's video, redone versions of those videos, and videos inbetween about drama. This is just one set of 8 videos, each with very minimal commentary in each of them. Frankly, one could probably put all the non-music part into one 9 minute video or so. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:07, 12 August 2009 (CEST)

Fuck, couldn't this be a little more condensed? Why is it necessary to put in so many horrible songs, dedicated to trolls that hate you, but you still think you might have a chance with.

==Question==

What does the K in KCWC stand for?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 03:33, 13 August 2009 (CEST)
:*It's standard for radio stations in the US. "K" is used for stations west of the Mississippi River. http://radio.about.com/cs/radiohistory/qt/blwkcallletters.htm <- For more info, in case anyone cares. So, Chris using it for CWCville, VA radio station means that he's an idiot, and he probably bases it off some station he listens to as a webstream. --[[User:LizardPie|LizardPie]] 04:24, 13 August 2009 (CEST)
::*Ah thanks, So it really should be WCWC then? Since VA is East of the Mississippi. (assuming the station began airing after 1923). --[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 18:25, 14 August 2009 (CEST)
::::*Yes, it should be WCWC. "K" for some reason seems more common on TV shows, particularly cartoons (for instance, Simpsons have "KBBL") or perhaps Chris went for K for aesthetic reasons, though WCWC would seem to go along well with the CWC thing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:55, 14 August 2009 (CEST)

==Part 4==

Does anybody recognize the drawing Chris is holding up to the camera in part 4? My best guess was that he made an all-new Recolor for Liquid Chris, but the tail looks notably different from his other recolors.

Also, can anybody read what he's put on the paper next to the Sonichu? I can't make it out.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 19:42, 6 November 2009 (CET)
:Ok, so I was right, it is Liquid. he made this character in august, and he didn't get around to introducing him in the comic (As IBAChandler, no less) until November. Classic Chris. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:15, 18 November 2009 (CET)

Talk:Sonichu 8 Official Videobook

2012-08-18T06:02:20Z

ShotgunJones: FOUND IT

I was thinking I would try to complete the transcriptions on some of these. And I still intend to! I just need to stop getting blood, tears and vomit all over my keyboard.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:57, 18 October 2009 (CEST)

Oh god. I made the mistake of working on the transcription for Ep 17 part 4. If anybody says they can understand Zapina THEY ARE A DAMN, DIRTY LIAR. I mean GOD DAMN, what the hell is that?! Some kinda alien space language?!!? I'll finish the rest after my ears stop bleeding. --[[User:Morganna|Morganna]] 16:28, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

Anyone else find it funny that he says he's gonna do the OK version of Ep 17, then he proceeds to read the page where sonichu and rosechu are about to have sex? Because I do! --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 14:48, 17 March 2010 (UTC) Thanks for reading!

I may have possibly found a reference to Ric Flair in this the quote 'wheelin' and dealin' is something Ric Flair says in his promos [http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Ric+Flair+Quotes Second Quote] [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 03:45, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Sonichu 8 Official Videobook

2012-08-18T05:51:13Z

ShotgunJones: /* Part 4 */ found the missing video!

'''Sonichu 8 Official Videobook''' is a series of videos made by [[Chris]], in which he reads out the comics from [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. He started uploading these videos on 19 [[September 2009]].
__TOC__

==Episode 17==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fbVT--9K9d4}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Sonichu]], [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]], [[Thurston Howell III|Mr. and Mrs. Howell]], and [[Beel]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#KCWC_Special|KCWC Special]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2|Episode 17 Part 2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
And now for the, uh, OK version... of... Book Number Eight. And by OK version I mean the OK version of-ab-bu of the, uh...next episode. Anyway, all Sonichu material is [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] March 17, [[2009]], to Christian Weston Chandler. Any names or persons illustrated in any of the Sonichu comic books except that of myself that may seem similar to anyone in real life or fiction are purely coincidental or otherwise [[Parody|parodic]]. And to note, some of the following comic pages contain scenes of censored [[Honest Content]] that may not be suitable to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyway, here's the cover.

(''falsetto'') Woohoo, it's Spring Break! Yayyyy!! Everybody runnin' 'round on the beach yaayy!!

(''normal voice'') And we're featuring a spring break launch concert featuring-

(''terrifying, inhuman squeak'') JIGGLIAMIII. Hihighgihdghidhidiiiii.

(''normal voice'') Prologue of Episode 17. Continued from an hour after Sonichu and Rosechu's date, 10 p.m., November 3rd 2007. For your inform- For your information, Sonichu turned 19, March 17th 2000, and Rosechu turned 18 September 22nd 2006.

Sonichu and Rosechu have been living together in a cozy single story...fully paid...fully paid house. (From CWCville funds.) This is a map locating their house and the city...limits. Yeah. Mm. Basically their house is located midpoint between the mall, and a metropolis within that subdivision. At Humble 14 Branchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024, 1982. Thank god I took Computer Aided Draft and Design ([[CADD]]) classes to make these accurate measurements. Plus also, they have been married since [[2006]]. March 2006. Getting on with the story.

Inside the Master Bedroom that night after their fun date.

(''falsetto'') Here Sweet Bolt, we're both nice and clean. Ready to get dirty agaiiin.

(''normal voice'') You bet ya sweet bawd, gurl. Good thing we stopped for a [[Raincoat|pack of condoms]]. It's too bad the regular ones break easily on my...[[Duck|seven-incher]]. It's more like...s...more like "Size 5 or Less" to measure those wimps.

(''falsetto'') Well, maybe the double extra length'll stay long- stay stronger and longer on your healthy girth!

(''mistakenly in falsetto'') Well I'm- (''normal voice'') Well I'm into a little missionary, cowgirl. You think you can handle it?

(''falsetto'') I think I can, HOT SHOTTT. I think I can hot shot. Insert Rod A into Slot B!

(''normal voice'') Mmm. Let's pause for a moment, um, never mind we'll skip that part, uh, I had to cut that part out. Anyway.

Anyway, Episode 17. Rage Against The Garbage.

The next morning at 10am, November 3rd [[2007]] in the master bedroom, Rosechu's lookin' on the computer and Sonichu's just gettin' up to greet her. She got up earlier.

Good mornin', too-cute-to-bolt! Last night was awesome! I had a dream that we double-date with [[Bionic]] and Mejajy- [[Megagi]]. How'd you like to SING?!

Rosechu replies,

(''falsetto'') Cool ya cuddlin, Sonichu. I was just checkin' out this webpage Kelly told me about yesterday. It seriously drags Chris's and our names through major MUCK!

(''normal voice'') Whoa, really?

(''falsetto'') Hecks yeah! Take a look at.

(''normal voice'') Huh. Some major [[4-cent garbage]].

(''falsetto'') Dot com, yes. But it gets worse beyond the texsxst.

(''normal'') WHAT?! When was that photo taken? Did someone sneak through our neighborhood watch and intrude in our house just to put a camera in here and take a peek shots of you and me? Not only that but Bubbles and BLAKE? And since when did Angelica did THAT? And when did Slaweel Ryam sell herself out? And when did Christian and Meg-chan-

(''falsetto'') SONICHU! [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Those are hand drawings. Not photographs.]]

(''normal'') Oh. Still, they look so lifelike.

(''falsetto'') Ugh. And this, to my most distressed distaste is the apex of the page.

URGH

(''whoosh sound effect'')

He rushes to the bathroom.

(''falsetto'') Hmm. Well, I certainly feel like crying that game as well. Thank god for blessing me with a healthy set of woman parts. How dare they portray me otherwise, those monsters?! [[Curse|Cursssse]] every last idiot behind this garbage!

(''Sonichu vomiting, also a typical reaction to any Sonichu strip'') URGHGH HURRGH EURRGFFF BLUEERGH HREERGH poor Sonichu HERGHHB BELERRGHH ERGHFFF UGH ERRGH UGH ARRERGHH GERGHHHH BLEARGH.

He crawls back in.

(''normal voice'') I can't believe those...those...monsters! Ugh, last time I checked you're an all-true, full-fledged WOMAN, and you were the main woman in this month's Pokayboy magazine! If the centerfolds of this magazine is not proof that you're a woman, then you'd have to go down there and prove it...to them. OHHH.

(''coughing'') Ugh.

(''falsetto'') Oh my god Sonichu! Oh my [[sweetbolt]], you got stressed out from the shock!

(''normal'') I'm sawry.

(''falsetto'') Here, rest your weary head and recover your strength. We'll go to their main building later and try to reason with them.

(''falsetto'') Egh, I'm so mad at them! HNNG. Lousy dickhead idiots! They think they can get away with putting a sh...strap-on all over mah glorious beautiful pussy? Their behinds are gonna get SPANKED HARD! Mm. Well, I'll start by replacing their slanderous mockeries with an equal number of my own [[Rule 34|self-centerfolds]]!

(''sound effects'') Prf. Beep beep! Doin' this in the bathroom...TIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KWIKWERR! KLIKWERR! CLICK WHIRR! CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR. CLICK WHIRR.

(''normal voice'') Thirty minutes later, she comes out of the bathroom with her...pictures on the memory card.

(''tuneful sound effects'') Beep-beep, beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep beep.

(''falsetto'')Hmmm...Shoot! That's 10 more or so o' those dang images there were...than there were earlier. (''unintelligible'') showed up. Hmm... Uh! I should ask [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for their assistance! They'll be glad to rally for [[Women's rights|the cause]]!

LATER THAT DAY, at 1:45pm, at 4-cent_garbage building, in Clarksville, Tennessee. Sssssseventy-two stories.

(''normal voice'') Wow, that's tall, exclaims Sonichu.

(''falsetto'') Sonichu, stay focused. We're here to meet the head of this company and reason with him.

(''normal voice'') Yes, my blossoming zapbud. That's why we are here. Hey, it was good of [[Magi-chan]] to teleport us here. By the way, you called earlier to make our appointment, what was the name of who we're meetin' again?

(''falsetto'') Well, he did not give his last name, but he only introduced us, as "[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]]".

(''sudden horrible accent'') Oh, Lovey! If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, not to leave your purse at our mansion!

(''falsetto'') I'm sorry, Thurston. But we were on that island for so long, I've gotten used to strolling without it!

(''accent'') Indeed!

Heh heh.

(''normal voice'') Well, while y'all are [http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Ric+Flair+Quotes wheelin' and dealin'] wi', I'll search for the sixth So- Sonichu... <s>[[Homos|Ball]]</s> Chaotic Crystal. That Magi-chan detected in the building.

(''TL;DL'') A day doesn't go by when I can't help but appreciate the stealth teachings of my father. He was leader of his cut-sharp clan of Scyther and <s>Scizor</s> Sizzor. One day on a mission to- for swi- swift revenge on the Charmeleon cult for burning down the jungle dojo, he was captured by poachers. I was close behind his trail when it happened. I wept as I saw him being put into their van. I tried to release my fahurrr, but he told me, to stop. He said there was no way I could cut through that steel. They drove off, and the last thing I saw of him was a passing...of-the-torch look in his eyes. Since then, I swore revenge on those...monsters.

(''falsetto'') Just be safe, Wild. Don't get yourself caught.

(''normal voice'') Yeah, we support ya, man. If you get caught, we'll come to your rescue.

And then S- Wild Sonichu goes into his...Conversion attack to blend in with all surroundings. (I learned it from a passing Porygon.) Then Wild Sonichu dashes into the building, in his camouflage. And Sonichu comments, Wow. When Wild blends in, he dun' fool around! Now let's go clean the mud off our good names. And then Sonichu and Rosechu walk into the building themselves. Wild-eh pretty much, deh, Wild dashed in quickly, ah, mm, yeah he dashed in right behind 'em. Anyway.

They walk in, 'n'de'like, wooooooow. Yeah.

DUN DUN DUN DUUN DUUN DUUUN.

(''falsetto'') Wow, it really sets the mood.

(''normal voice'') Yeah. If you live in a volcano.

Sonichu and Rosechu approach the nearby receptionist desk. (Ah, excuse me, my lady friend and I have a 2 o'clock appointment with the head of your company.) And he's just sittin' there, watching his o- watching his own, watching the own s- stuff that's, uh, goin' up an' down on the, uh, ED site, on the, 4-cent_garbage site. Anyway, he replies,

(''retarded deep voice'') Yer, sure, go- Go the opposite side o' column, and take de elevator to floor sitsty sits PLUS sits. (''clearing throat'') EGH-HEM.

(''normal voice'') Ah, excuse me, but that math equation, wouldn't it be the seventy-second floor?

(''deep voice again'') YES! IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL! GET GOIN, I'M BUSY HERE! AAEERRHHH!!!

(''normal voice'') ...Gee...thanks.

(''video abruptly ends'')

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ATnZSkWoGLc}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Jason]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_1|Episode 17 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3|Episode 17 Part 3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
So they go around to the other side of the column and Rosechu pushes the elevator button. ENGH! Can you belive how rude that guy was? He wouldn't even turn around for simple eye contact!

''(falsetto)'' Sonichu, I understand that he offended you, but remember the story of-Joseph's story? Forgiveness.

''(normal voice)'' Dunnnnnnnnn.

''(falsetto)''We are all blessed with the light of god. Just take your time and enjoy and pray.

''(normal Voice)'' Yeah. Mm-kay. Jesus did die for us. Thank you Rosey. You are my best voice of reason alongside Jesus. Huh. Hmmm. But it makes me wonder, if there's a jerk like that on this floor, I can only imagine what else can be on the other floors here.

Meanwhile, oh yeah, while there is the exit in the back of the building. Pfft. He's in the camouflage. And he has the crystal... the chaotic crystal in his hand. And he senses d-d-senses that the uh he has to go up to find the next one. And so he shoots his vine whip. ''(assorted wooshing sounds)'' He latches on to the-uh four hook ceiling piece, and then winds himself upwards. Going up and up and up and up until... Until the uh crystal in his hand lets him know that he's on the right floor to uh, to where the next crystal is.

Meanwhile Sonichu and Rosechu are getting a view of what's on the other floors. Like on the second floor these two guys are working on the uh 4-cent_garbage site. They clock in and out in sync. "Hey dude! You get over your hangover yet? You ready to work?" "Yeah, I think so" "Great I'm gonna check out my shift." All the other guys are Conked out...passed out, cuz it's not their shift yet. Then he glugs his reeb, heh-heh, and then he conks out. "OK well it's my shift then, Heheheheh, everybody else get drunk and I'm going online now it's my turn." That's their response they just disgusted over it.

And then they go to the next floor and they see this tho-they see this little thing happening. "I don't understand what's the deal with that. A bear?" I dunno. And then this person's saying "I hate SRMS whatever that is." ''(falsetto)'' I don't get this either. I don't even get it myself. Seriously. As the author, I do not get it. I really don't understand that. Anyways, continuing on.

7th Floor, they notice that somebody is putting another wrong thing on Rosechu. She dashes out of the elevator, and clobbers the guy and lets him know.

''(falsetto)'' I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, ya freak!

And then on the next floor, sonichu notices that, uh another wrongful image and homes attacks the guy behind that and "Ahh that just really ticks me off!"

And then on the next floor they both see something that really offends the both of them and they just give this guy a thunderbolt. "Ahh!"

And then on the next floor it's like you know I had to warp in and take a shot at it. I mean,that's a soda cup! That's a beverage cup from a *Cough* target or get-tar cafe. And what did I say against that sour vegetable? ''(More whooshing noises with mouth)'' Yayyy! Bravo! ''(More weird mouth breathing)'' Good show! They applaud me. OK! See ya in the next book!

On the 11th floor we've got this silly comic.

''(Creepy falsetto)'' Nyaa! 2d! It's easy to change the nappy! You like all men just don't have the courage. You have courage only to watch these useless zombies movies! Kekukekukeku.

''(weird voice)'' I could name many things that would show you my courage! But I'm thinking we need to remember to do we got memory. We got married.

''(Normal voice)'' Eh. Now that's just plain sad.

''(Falsetto)'' Yeah.

And then on this floor, "Huh. Since when did Knuckles become so popular?"

Whaat!? Geeze, it's that bear again. What is up with that bear.

''(Abrupt Cut to next page)'' Then on the 69th floor. Hmmm. From the director, which is me, I wish to take a moment to inform you that-the reader, that even though this image of an Xbox 360 was drawn in the form of an anime girl android, it does not reflect in any shape or form my idea of women so the following act I will do unto a hand-drawing recreation of the console only reflects my hatred towards the hex-box in general. Not any feelings towards women, anime or real. Ladies, I care about y'all. Although y'all will be... although only one will be my true sweetheart. Surely will not be this girl. Because she's fake.

Anyway ''Pfft sound effect'' On the next floor.

''(falsetto)'' "Yeahh! Kill that Hex-box!"

''(Normal voice)'' We have a new trophy! Killed the Hex-Box! Now you can play your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace! Hooray!

''(Cut to next Page)''But on one of the earlier floors as they passed by, Wild jumps on the Floor. ''(Chris preforms a poor a capella of the pink panther theme)'' And then Sonichu comments on one of the floors that's omitted, "Eh, What card game is that from?" ''(More off-key a capella)'' Locked ''(Still more a capella, sudden drop in voice volume)'' And he shoots out a couple... shoots out a razor leaf. Uses it as a lockpick ''(More fucking a capella)'' He senses it... He sees a safe but, you know what the crystal's not in the safe it's on the dresser nearby. So he picks it up. Peeeeeoooww! And then he suddenly becomes visible again! "Shoot! The crystal's powers have overridden my conversion! Magi-chan, do you read me, Magi-chan, respond over!" He tries to get in touch with him telepathically. "Dang. This must be-this must some kind of force field blocking psychic links! I gotta get out of here without being spotted! Hmm. Legendary Crystals! Rest your power in my arms and remain dormant!" Vun Voom! And then the crystals disappear from in his hands and into his arms.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and Rosechu get off on the 72nd Floor and approach... Jason!

''(Garbled Voice)'' "Visitors! Welcome to my heck! I am Jason! A 20-year-old troll who offers only slanderous mockeries! And this is my Accomplice, Kathleen! You two are here to talk about the Chris-chan page on my 4-cent_garbage Website!"

And then Sonichu glances at Rose-and then Sonichu and Rosechu glance at each other and they're like "Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah." Hmm. And then Sonichu goes "Yes Sir! My loving caring sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it be removed from the internet for good!" ''(Some sort of Patriotic a capella Freestyle)'' "For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud. You also drag the American homes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great humble United States of America among-along with him! You've had your laughs, but ask yourself: is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders, that drags the name of good people, within this country that was founded with love and peace within it, that those before us have fought valiantly to withhold... that was-that I was born and raised under the old gory that is the red white and blue. ''(still more a capella)'' For the free and the home of the braaaave! "In my answer I say nay! What is your answer Mr. Howell?"

''(Garbled voice)'' I say you are a sap!" ''(shouting)'' I am a troll, with no such beliefs! I know that we are born, then we die! I intend to make the most of my pitiful life tormenting every person within my grasp... until they all die from the shame and dis-and the distress of their existence! The page will stay up! This meeting is over!"

''(Normal voice)'' What you say?! I will not let you stand up to me and talk to me like that!

''(Video abruptly ends)''

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8Z3DU9jZggg}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]]/[[Vamprosa]], [[Jason]], and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2|Episode 17 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4|Episode 17 Part 4]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
HAAAAAAA And then Sonichu launches a thunderbolt attack against his-against Jason Howell. And then he made (?) defensive with a dark force shield *pwfooo Woosh!* Then Sonichu laun-does a figure 8, and launches towards Jason throwing one heck of a punch! "HAAAAYYYYYYAAA!!" "Uff!" But uh to be frozen-to be frozen in mid air by his dark force. "Errrngh!" ''(inhales sharply)'' And Rosechu watches in shock! And then Mr. Jason flings Sonichu away from the force. "Waaaaaah!"

And Soni-Rosechu is just ready to catch him and she catches him "uff!" ''(Falsetto)'' "Sonichu, Sonichu! Are you alright? Wake Up!" (''Incoherent mumbling'') I'm sorry what'd you say?

(''Normal Voice'') My angle was right on time to catch my home run.

(''Falsetto'') Awwwwwwwww I love you too sweet bolt.

And then getting up with Rosechu's Support, the Rosechu supporting Sonichu with her body she... she says (''Falsetto'') "Sonichu let's go. There's no reasoning with that jerk."

''(Normal voice)'' But...

''(Falsetto)'' Forgiveness. Just like Joseph taught us and Jesus.

Erngh. And then Sonichu just looks a back at Jason with a mean grimace. Erngh.

Meanwhile Wild Sonichu is ah, decided to... he jumps up to the ceiling from the inside room and then he crawls out through the... through the door's entrance on the ceiling. And then he launches a vine whip ''(more stupid blowing noises)'' and he clings to the-to the middle column. And then he... wait and then using the sticky...appendages he cli-he cli- he climbs around the column. Do-do-do-do-do-do. And then he makes a viant leap down.

But back in the-uh 72nd floor Sonichu and Rosechu make their way out Jason comes ''(Garbled Voice)'' That's right Rosechu! Go! Go and play with your pickle!

And he throws a- he throws a real pickle-a vegetable pickle and hits Rosey on the head! Pook!

And she ma-and then she looks down and then she gets offended a little bit... and then she looks down upon it. And then she picks it up. Erngh and she gets really angry! And then she... KRCH! Breaks it in half with one fist! Eeeeeeeennnnnngh! And then she gets up and starts to get really really angry and she's got fire in her eyes! And then she just takes ah-and then she takes a look back at that jerk with a straight tail! Errrrgh! But in the last sane moment before she really gets angry, she warns, she asks Sonichu to fetch her clothes. And he says "Uhh... Sure." And she unzips her boots and then she uh she jumps out of her boots. And she jumps very high and in midair she derobes herself and Sonichu catches her clothes and he's like "oh".

She lands midway between Sonichu and Jason in her-in her bra and panties and shouts ''(Falsetto)'' I've got three shocking bits for you, jerk!

And during a short time she thinks to herself ''(falsetto)'' "I am the power! I am the warrior! I am the almighty women! True to all my gender, I will overthrow... overpower any evil and good-or good man who defies us! I ma-I make him succumb to our will! I have the almighty uterus... that makes me strong and super-powerful enough to protect the loved ones within me until they emerge in their glorious birth! But my ferocious will... I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand! I am woman! Hear me roar!

And after a transformation, she lunges right at him! ''(Falsetto)'' Aaaaaarrrrrr!

And she sits on-and she sits on his sh-on his shoulders with her front to his face! And then she digs into his head... leaves a whol-leaves a whol-makes a whole bunch of scratches. Kttch! And then she leans-leans down to chomp him on his... chomp his head! And then she lets out a mighty thunderbolt! ''(bunch of whooshing sound effects)'' And Sonichu is like "Whoa!"

And then she pounces away-and then she-after she's done she makes him fall-lets him fall to the ground and then she pounces back towards Sonichu. ''(Deep Breathing)'' And yet uh the Jason is still alive. Just uh hanging on-hanging on a thread he say "I should be dead. But dark forces keep me alive! Wow! What a show that was!"

In her emotional recovery, Rosechu transforms back to her naked self. Which is a good reason for Sonichu to have her clothes on hand. "Rosechu are you okay?"

''(Deep breathing, then in falsetto)'' "I'll be okay. I just need to recover." ''(More deep breathing)''

"Anyways here are your clothes I'll wait for you."

And a couple of minutes later in the elevator. And Sonichu's like "Wow! Rosie, I never thought you could be so strong!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah."

''(Normal voice)'' "You even had me going! Wow!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Great thank you-eh thank you sweet bolt."

''(Normal voice)'' "No worries. We'll get you home and you can rest for awhile. You were awesome!"

''(Falsetto)'' "Yeah. Hmm. What happened? I became so angry and then I transformed into some... monster! It took over me like some primal instincts! I couldn't control it! I hope this thing doesn't emerge again!"

Anyways the elevator comes down quickly. But anyway Wild... it lands on the ground right in front of the elevator entrance in the back... on the uh south side of the column. And then he makes a vine whip ''(Barely audible whooshing noise)'' Clings to the ceiling and he launches himself to the ceiling and then he crawls above the front entrance to wait for Sonichu and Rosechu's return. And then a couple of minutes later Sonichu and Rosechu approach the exit-approach the entrance as it and Wild leaps down from the ceiling in front of them to greet them.

"Wild. Glad to see you're safe! Did you find the crystal?"

"Yes, I got it. I had-I had to hide the power within my arms. I'll release them when I get-when I get them to Patti-chan."

''(Falsetto)'' "Hmm. Well I'm afraid our mission was not a success. That Jason is a real jerk! Errgh! I guess all we can do is pray for its- for the website's downfall. Hmm."

''(Normal voice)'' "Well, let's get back to CWCville! Magi-Chan?"

And then-And then back in CWCville, Magi-Chan hears their...hears their telepathic cry and he's like "I read y'all. Sonichu, I shall teleport you three back to CWCville right now."

Later on in the Mayor's Office, Hmm... Sign-Alison is preparing-is storing-is doing some document work she says ''(mild falsetto)'' "Sign this, deny this, deny that, approve that. Hmm. I shouldn't have left Hollywood."

Then within the office in the file cabinet room where we got the... where crystal is hanging round the moment Patti-Chan the uh crystals they have out. Magi-Chan says-Wild enters and Magi-Chan says "You have the crystals?"

And he says "Yes. Legendary crystals, hear my call. Reveal your powers from my arms hallowed halls!" And then the crystals appear in his hands.

And then they put the crystals into the dome, where they will be safe.

''(Falsetto)'' "Well with my master in possession of two of the crystals, there is only one left to collect. Come back soon master! Arf!"

The end of the episode.

===Part 4===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ilZRDfvna08}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|17]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Rosechu]], [[Lolisa]], [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], [[Simonla]], and [[Zapina]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3|Episode 17 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18|Episode 18]]
}}

{{quote|Ammagonflarfloo!|Zapina}}

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. Lei-ih-in the epilogue. Later, in Sonichu and Rosechu's backyard, Sonichu has the camera in his hand, while the other, while the Rosechus are gathering. And Rosechu says to Lolisa:

[ROSECHU]: ''(falsetto)'' Ah, thanks for coming, again for coming over to help, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Eh, no problem, I'm happy to help. It really bothers me knowing that such a slander against our womanhood is goin' on right now! Ech!

[ROSECHU]: Well, once we get our s-centra'fold shots and uploaded, those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights!

[BUBBLES]: ''(even higher, babyish falsetto)'' Yeah! And if nothing else, we can still have lots of fun trying!

[ANGELICA]: ''(ungodly baby voice with some weird accent)'' With our [???] and our peaceful protest, we can wen to sahvov.

[BUBBLES]: ''(in Rosechu's voice)'' Victory for women's lib!

[ALL][???]: ''(Sings "[http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/marypoppins/stepintime.htm Step in Time]" from the movie "[[Mary Poppins]]")'' "Votes for women, step in time! Votes for women, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, votes women step in time!" [Singing stops] VOTES FOR WOMEN!

[ROSECHU][???]: VOTES FOR WOMEN! Downfall of 4-cent's-s garbage's-s garbages! Well done, sister electric hedgehogs.

[LOLISA]: Hmm. Well. My associate shoul' be back soon with the ba-drops so we can get this party started.

[NARRATOR]: And then Lolisa continues to s-s-[cuts himself off]

[LOLISA]: And I think she's here now!

[TUNNELS BEING DIGGED]: V-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-

[SIMONLA POPS UP]: Pffffffffft!

[LOLISA]: You are in the righ' pl- [Realizes that she isn't supposed to be speaking yet]

[SIMONLA]: [Sounds like a dude] Oh, I hope that -UGH!- I hope this is the right place. I hate this-I hate making mistaken turnin' the wrong place.

[LOLISA]: Oh, you're in the right place, Simonla.

[SIMONLA]: Lolisa! Excellent. Hmm.

[LOLISA]: You're right on time. Well done. Heh. Son-Sonichu, ladies, this is Simonla. Simonla let me introduce Sonichu, Rosechu, Bubbles, and Angelica.

[SIMONLA]: Hey y'all!

[EVERYONE]: Hey, Simonla!

[SIMONLA]: Well I got the backdrops! 'Ang on I reach in this back-pack and get'em. Hmm. M'ya. Here's the lot. Lolisa tol' me about your protest and I'd like to volunteer my services-s-s as a model as well. No worries abou' me, gal. I'm 19 and my shell is remomabble.

[ROSECHU]: Oh splendid! With our protest [??? space language maybe] we'll really hit those garbage sacks HARD with our glorious womanhood.

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzip!

[ROSECHU]: What? 's tha?

[ZAPINA ZOOMS PAST]: Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip! Zzzzzzzip!

[ZAPINA]: ''(In a frequency that only dogs and dolphins can hear)'' OH! [Realizes that this is Rosechu's line]

[ROSECHU]: Oh. Hi. May I help you with something?

[ZAPINA]: [Alien space language maybe?] Ammagonflarfloo!

[ROSECHU]: Oh. I see. How old are you?

[ZAPINA]: My name is Zapina! [Alien space language] Annapolorfafass but wennasited shine-ah stop me! En way, aher you were loo'in fer' models wanna vol'nteer my services cue'nesses. 'M FOURTEEN YEARS CUTE! BING!

[pause]

[ROSECHU]: Ah. You cert'ly are a cue' lil' thing. But listen, Zapina, I trushally appreciate your kind offer to be a model. Ahm' 'fraid th-tha' as a responsible adult I can not assept you as a model because you are still too young. Hmm.

[ZAPINA]: [???] Blat zorp! Ack er flur flur! Zyle sit in the trees use my tail as a spotlight! Anotnot anotnonur backyard!

[ROSECHU]: Uhhh... I dunno, child, whatis with all the dumb laws 'n all... [Mumbles] Undundundun... uh. No. They're not so dumb. Well anyway, still, all things considered-hmm.

[LOLISA]: EH! Couldn't but open-but overhear tha' this lil' one can shine light in the backyard says Lolisa. [No, the narrator did not say the last part- it was definitely in Lolisa's voice.]

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Yeah. She can. N'ya she says so, but uh-

[LOLISA]: [pause] Come on, Rosechu, this is a volunteer gig! An' she's volunteer to be an impor'ant spotlight! I will personally supervise her and I will take responsis for anything go haywire.

[ROSECHU]: Hmm. Alrigh' alright. I'll leave Zapina under your watchful eye an' fully responsible care, Lolisa.

[LOLISA]: Thank you.

[ROSECHU]: Alright. In the mean-time we gotta party to here let's go, let's-s-s do this thing. [Repeats self] ALRIGH' PEOPLE! We gotta LOT of work to do! So let's-s get this party started! Simonla! Set up half the back-drops in the back porch and the rest between those two trees. Sonichu! Make sure the camera is fully charged an-an has an SD card in it and ready to work. As the posing mod-all the posing models need to be have CLEANED UP an' have make-up applied. Lolisa! Have Zapina searus up in that tree an' make sure her light can shine [struggles] upon both back-dropped areas.

[NARRATOR]: Bong-a-bon-bon! Rosechu the director! An'... the director's protest.

[ROSECHU]: For our rights as women among all people, I WILL overpower those slanderous jerks!

[Stripping music is sung. The lyrics are "dun-dun-DUN-dun~!"]

[NARRATOR]: End of the episode. Stay tuned for the nets one!

==Episode 18==
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RomhMV6NWL8}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Jamsta]], [[Lolisa]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blanca]], [[Angelica]], and [[Megagi]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4|Episode 17 Part 4]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2|Episode 18 Part 2]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Okay, before we get to episode 18, here's the prologue to it. December 22nd, 2007. It's Sonichu and Rosechu's living room. To celebrate Rosechu's 19th birthday and everybody's there. Yaaaaaaaay yaaaaaaay. Rosechu just blew out the candles, she just turned 19. And Sonichu kisses her lovingly. Yeahhh. And then Punchy's sitting on the couch saying "ROCK ONNN! YEAAHHH!"

And then February twentyssss... and then on February 2nd 2008 at the Pokémon Centre at the CWCVille Shopping Center, we celebrate the birthday of the Chaotic Combo, Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy and Magi-chan, born on the same day.Happy birthday! they're nine- they're all 19 off the 5 of them, and even the bir- and even the Flame the Sunbird showed up to the party. Yaaayy.

And then March seven-t-teenth, 2008, Sonichu and Rosechu's house.

Sonichu: "Ah Rosey, that was a nice dinner, this is the nicest brithday of mine yet"

Rosechu: "Oh hang tight, it's gonna get way better (laughs)"

But then not- but then as soon as Rosechu flickers on the light it's a big "SURPRIIIISE! Yaaay. Neither of them expected this, happy birthday, yaay! Sonichu is 20 years old today yaaay, happy birthday"

And then on March 21st 2008 at the jungle- on the jungle beach, near Bubbles' house:

Bubbles: "Hey Blake, I got this cupcake just for you, happy birthday"

Blake: "Oh. Thanks Bubbles. But I've already told you that I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA. I was not properly born from a Rosechu."

Bubbles: "Oh that doesn't matter. You still came alive today, starting straight from a 2 year old body. You're 20 now, man"

Blake: "Hmm. Well thank you Bubbles, you're awesome. Hmm."

Bubbles: "Well now blow out the candles and make a wish."

Blake: "Heh. I'll blow out the candle, but I already have my wish."

And then they kiss. Mmmmm. Blake and Bubbles kiss mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh. And then Bubbles says "You will meet me at the CWCVille beach tomorrow for the Spring Break concert yes?" And he says "Yeah. And I'll put on your act for your gal-pals. ehehehehe. Uhhh I gotta keep up the tough boy act and keep our romance a secret for a little while, at least just as long as I can, long as we can"

Bubbles: "Yeah".

Hey. How about some TV on Saturday March 22nd 2008. Pshh.

"This is Um-TV and we're rocking with Spring Break! WAHOOOOOOO!" Pshh.

"Ey, sisters and brothers this is PHI, we're rocking the world with Spring Break! YAHOOO!"

"Leaving thousands and leaving hundreds injured, for FQX news, I'm Greta Squall. [?] rocking hard, it's Spring Break! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! YAHOOO! GRETA! GRETA! GRETA SQUAAALL!"

And now, coming to you live like a high five, on the radio from the CWCVille beach, station KCWC, it's: Episode 18, Spring Break '08, yahOOOOO! mmm.

Jamsta: "ey there all you guys, gals, dudes and dudettes of all ages, we are rocking hot on the CWCVille beach for Spring Break '08! Y'all know me as Jamsta Sonichu, the DJ with da power!"

Lolisa: "and proudly [?] his hot girl Friday, I'm Lolisa Rosechu."

Jamsta: "Yeeessir. We got a lot of events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor Mr Christian Weston Chandler that CWCVille is a clean city. Nobody has to go home drunk or smokey. WE've got [?] kegs full of our famously delicious CWC cola and Diet CWC cola, lemonade, grape and orange soda, compliments of our local CWC cola bottling company, founded and opened proudly in 1985, 3 years after CWCVille was founded by mayor's father Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. Also today, you can enter to win a 40 inch Sony HD TV from CWC circuit city! Or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept! Also tonight, our rising star Jiggliami will be singing her debut single "War of Love" on the concerts- on the concert stage here at CWCVille Beach. So stay tuned to CWCVille, Virginia's number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more! Yeah!

Lolisa: "hehe. Awesome Jamsta! Well I'm thinking of taking a swim in our clean beach's ocean! But I'll leave y'all to party as we
hear from Ricky Martin's party, with "La Vida Loca"!"

[sings] Everything, Station KCWC!

Meanwhile backstage, at the stage, on CWCVille beach:

Jiggliami: "Oh my god! It's going to be just fantastic Blanca! JIGGLY!!! Our first concert ever! Thousands of fans! I couldn't be more excited if I'd become just as famous without having to leave my house! Yaayy!"

Blanca: "I'm excited too, Jiggliami! I play my tune in noise, and you sing with the power to energize the crowd, I'm proud of you!"

Jiggliami: "yeeah! After this concert we will be superstars, meaning we can have any man we want! And with that kawaii haircut of yours, you are so cute, as cute as sailor mercury!"

Blanca: "ehh you're the flirtatious diva of this stage girl, besides, there's only one heart I'm most interested in, although he's currently in another state of mind and dimension, I'll wait for him."

Jiggliami: "Come on. You're the guitar hero of this stage will wow the hearts of this audience, so lets live wi-wild, girl! HOOOOOH! Jiggly. Jiggly."

On another part of the beach, the girls are getting a tan, and Sonichu is about to go surfin'.

Sonichu: "Hey Rosey, I'm gonna go hit some waves. You and your gal-pals have fun. Thanks again for putting the sunscreen on me. hmm."

Rosechu: "And I thank you for doing my back as well sweet bolt. Be careful not to get electrical."

Sonichu: "Of course heartsweet. I'll check in later. Yeahhh. Hmm. Yeah."

Alright so then Angelica and Bubbles are nearby. Angelica says to Bubbles:

"So. Ex-pain to me again, why do you not need sunscreen?"

Bubbles: "Hm. You see Angie, I am a water type. My body is 90% water and my fur is capable of adapting to my surroundings. As I am on land, my fur adapts itself to reflect the sunlight off my skin so my skin is not affected by sun light. No sunburn, no muss (?)."

Angelica: "AHH. Ok."

Bubbles: "My only flaw with the bodily function is that I can't really enjoy getting a tan with y'all. Huh kind of a social flush really. Oh well."

And then as time passes by, we have a bunch of other people walking by. In the background Sonichu's surfing. Right now this mysterious Rosechu walks on by. Badoom badoom badoom. Just looks at the girls. anyway Rosechu says "Hm. What a weird woman. Do you know who she is Angelica?"

Angelica: "I dyuu-no, but I get a bad vibe from her."

And then an- and then Megagi and Bionic pass by.

Megagi: "Hey gal-pals. We're just enjoying the festivities."

Bubbles: "Megagi, Bionic, what's happenin'?"

Megagi: "Yeahh. We're just enjoying. Oh. I saw this cat gal fli- cat gal flirtin' with that Bionic, so I presented my claws of ownership. Ahahahaha! Well, catch you girls later."

And then later on a couple of other women pass by as well. Anyway, uh, Bubbles gets a thought- gets an incoming trans- incoming thought from Magi-chan.

Magi-chan: "Bubbles, I've just detected a Sonichu Chaotic crystal in the ocean. Please fetch it."

Bubbles: "OK OK, I'll fetch it in a minute Magi-chan."

And then right after that, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom (noise), "HEY!"

Magi-cha- bla-black Sonichu Blake, kicks sand at the girls' faces. "Hey."

And then Rosechu takes of her sunglasses, also Angelica spreads her wings, in a little bit anger and Rosechu says:

"Black Sonichu! What d'you do that for?"

Blake: "Hey don't blame me, the sand was in my- in the path of my foot."

Rosechu: "Oh why I oughta-"

Bubbles: "Rosey, no. Don't get up. I'll deal with this jerk" says Bubbles.

And then Bubbles grabs er, Blake's arm, and tie- and holds him behind his back like really pain- "AAAGHHHH" And then er, Bubbles whispers to Blake:

"You're doing great. Keep it up"

Blake: "Euh. Goood. Euhh. Uh. Euhhhh."

And then Bubbles walks Blake away from the girls, a distance.

Bubbles: "Alright big man. I'm gonna show you the power of a woman and it's not as gentle as you think it is."

And then the- and then off the distance, and, Rosechu knows a little bit.

Rosechu: "Heh. She thinks she can fool us, but it's so obvious that she and Blake are true lovers."

Angelica: "Ahhh yeah it is so cute yeah?"

Rosechu: "Yeahhh."

===Part 2===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GyIJdrbIR_s}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Bubbles]], [[Blake]], [[Graduon]], [[Silvana]], [[Yawning Squirtle]], [[Punchy]], [[Angelica]], and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_18|Episode 18 Part 1]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2|Episode 18 Part 3]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Now, during the whole time, Sonichu is still catching waves and surfing, especially as dit-, as pitayed in this Fan Art that was teriously contributed by Sonichu, Sonichu girl fan, [[Panda Halo]]. [A wistful murmur?]

A'way, continuing on with the story, [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]] get fa- get a good distance away from the girls, and they walk pa-, they walk beyond the stage, the bay shop and the pharmacy that's nearby. Bubbles lets go of him.

Ah, Ah.

Blake is panting.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah.

Bubbles look back to make sure the girls weren't looking, and she turns to look at Blake and sees him panting. And then she tends to make him feel better by rubbing his shoulders.

Bubbles (in the standard grating falsetto prescribed for all female characters): Aw. Did I hurt you badly?

Blake: Only a bit, my Bubbly (pronounced here as Buburbly).

Bubbles: Oh, I'm sorry Blakie-Boo (pronounced 'blue').

Blake: How long can we keep up this charade?

Bubbles: C'mon, you're doing very well! Hey listen, I have to dive for the last crystal; after I get it, I'll text your cell from mine. You wait fifteen minutes, and I'll meet you under pier 969; I'll make it up to you then.

Blake: Oh yeah, that sounds good. I'll wait for your call then meet you under 969.

Both: Good.

And then Bu- and then Bubbles runs to the ocean away from Blake, to get the bal- to get the crystal, and then nearby, the new Rosechu suddenly transforms into– Bubbles?

[Nasal whinnying, supposedly from the dastardly Silvana]

Some sort of deception is afoot!

But to best elaborate on that character, let's introduce the character. To let's– we have to go back into the fateful rainbow that originated from episode 1. In addition to the five eggs that hatched into the Chaotic Combo, numerous other eggs of various Sonees and Roseys emerged as well. This one was projected into Space and landed on the Earth's moon. So now I introduce Silvana Rosechu.

Silvana(?): Beep, beep, beep, beep.

The hatching date, Earth Time: February 1st, 1989. And just seconds after she's hatched, she's entrapped in some– in a psychic beam from Count Graduon. He's like:

Graduon: Ah! New Life! –for me to corrupt!

Keeping the new little Rosey safe in this bubble, [[Count Graduon]] enters her– enters her mind, and communicates with her.

Graduon: Little one among many, I am Count Graduon, illustrious wizard, revered by all more powerful than most. I have taken heart of you being born alone on the Earth's moon. I'm here to take you under my wing, and rear you properly, under my careful and wise judgment. I am a well-practiced parent of a young lady much like yourself; now she is a warrior princess. My beautiful Sylvia. I miss her every day since being 'ensphered' in my wand of a prison cell. I only wanted to bring peace and order, but a [[Cherokian]] chief sealed me in.

Silvana (in the creepiest baby voice ever): Syl-vi-a-na! (realizing her mistake) Silvana!

Graduon: Perfect. And with that, which was your first word, I dub thee [[Silvana]] Rosechu, but my care for you and your training has a small price. To better you, I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have [[duck|both]] [[china|parts]]. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.

And so, under Count Graduon's guidance and training, Silvana practiced her psychic powers, 'cause she is a Psychic type alone, and then eventually, she evolved into the Silvana Rosechu of to-day. And so, from after birth, Silvana mentally and physically became a strong warrior under the wicked guidance of Count Graduon from the Earth's Moon. Without maternal guidance, and low social interactions, Silvana had never learned to truly love, yet she, or he, learned to flirt without emotions. I can only take pity for this unlucky soul.

Now, back to the present story. Bubbles is swimming under the sea to locate the next crystal, and Magic-Chan guides her.

Magic-Chan: According to my psychic link, the crystal is about five miles from the shore, and about two or five thousand fathoms deep.

Bubbles: Don't worry. I'll find it soon enough.

''Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob. Bum dum ba dum bum a dum bum''

[[Things Chris has ripped off|Sebastian the <s>Crab</s> Corphish]] ('singing' with curious attempt at accent): Under the sea! Under the sea! Down here it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me! The singing corphish. Hee hee he he.

[[Yawning Squirtle]]: Ernn. Ahhh! What are you doing, Corphish! You woke me up from my nap-squirtle!

Meanwhile, Blake was coming out of the nearby pharmacy after making a wise purchase.

Blake (smuttily): Oh yes, Bubbles. You will make up for earlier! (pervy laugh)

And he's got his fist up in victory, and then Bubbles comes in from behind and grabs his fist. Actually, it's not really Bubbles, it's Silvana as Bubbles! And she say:

Blake: Oh Bubbles! You surprised me!

Silvubbles: For you, Blakie-Boo, I am full of surprises.

Blake: What happened with the crystal search?

Silvubbles: I suddenly felt more ready for you, so I came back to play.

Blake: Oh awesome! I just picked up some condoms for our insurance policy.

Silvubbles: Oh, forget those; you're not raining on my parade, and I want you.

And then suddenly, he drops the box condoms, big mistake, and then he's like 'All right then! To our 969!'

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih hih.

Na, here's a note, when Silvana does it with either a Sonichu or a Rosechu, she or he secrets a paralyzing sleepful solution, rendering the unprotected victim asleep and defenseless. Just much like an STD in a couple who do intercourse. For your own safety, those of you who do it, wear a c- use a condom. I give y'all that advice. Ok, moving on with the story.

So we follow the pair to, so we walk, follow the duo to pier 969, he says:

Blake: Well, here we are.

Silvubbles: Ok, well let's do it, right here, right now!

Blake: OK!

[An array of disturbing noises follow; Chris barely differentiates between Blake and 'Bubbles' in tone] Mmm, mm! Oh, yeah, yeah! More, more! Yeah-

This goes on for about three- for about three– for about three minutes maximum. Then, [emulates the sound of splashing]

Blake is like, aw, Bubbles, you got there before I did. Oh wait a minute, I'm still feeling buzzed, yet I'm feeling kinda... [snores]

Silvubbles: Hih hih hih hih. Enjoy my sleep nectar, ya sap!

*Poor attempt at SMS message notification tone*

Blake's phone is ringing. Buh-buh. And then Silvana picks up and reads the text message from Bubbles.

Bubbles: Blake, I had to travel a ten-mile round trip, but I found the crystal. Meet you in 15! Hugs and kisses!

And now Silvana closes the cell phone, she makes her next transformation, and yet the real Blake notices that h- Silvana's transformed.

Blake: Bubbles? It's not– Bubbles. Is that me? No, what? The real Bubbles, my Bubbles. She's in trouble– must stop that im-postor. [Resumes snoring]

I must hide the sleeper, says Silvana, and then she picks up Blake, she picks up the Real Blake as a Blake impostor, she thinks 'jeez, you're heavy,' and then they teleport to the secluded area.

Meanwhile the real Bubbles is handing Angelica the crystal.

Bubbles: Hey, Angelica! I've found the final crystal. Please take it to [[Patti-Chan]] for me!

Angelica: Sure!

Bubbles: I have to go meet up with my boyfriend– I'll talk to you later.

Angelica: Ok!

So then Angelica flies off to the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] and the Mayor's Office. Meanwhile, Punchy and Wild are talking, just conversing.

[[Punchy]]: Hey, Wild! Isn't Angelica just the cutest?

[[Wild]]: I guess so.

Punchy: You guess so? She is simply the sweetest, charming Rosechu in the world! I fell for her back on the day we s- all met, but I've been too shy to ask her out, or even talk to her. I don't know what to do or say. I'm befuddled, says Punchy. And Wild replies:

Wild: Well, I've heard that the CWCville University is offering a [[Dating education]] class; I'm going to sign up for it, because I've been feeling lonely and I need to learn the whats and hows of approaching and dating a gal.

Punchy: Ah! Perfect! I will sign up for it too; then, I'll be able to ask Angelica out. Thank you, Wild, for informing me about that class.

Wild: No problem, Punchy.

===Part 3===
{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XHREdDh8dSo}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Blake]], [[Silvana]], [[Bubbles]], and [[Magi-Chan]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_2_2|Episode 18 Part 2]]
| next = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_4_2|Episode 18 Part 4]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[NARRATOR]: Hmm. La'er on back-stage at the stage:

[JIGGLIAMI]: Jiggly jiggly jiggly. Hmm? Wha's goin' on in this closet here?

[BLAKE FALLS OUT]: ARP! Pffft!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Gasp!] Blake Sonichu? [Pause] What'cha doin' in th' closet? Oh no! I better let Bubbles know about this.

[NARRATOR]: An' back at Pier Sis-sissy-nine-sissy-nine, Silvana-as-Blake appears-waits f-for the real Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: Oh Blakey-Boo!

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh! Bubbly! Come. On. Over. For. A. Little. Romp.

[BUBBLES]: Cool.

[TELEPATHY]: V-v-v-v...

[MAGI-CHAN]: Bubbles.

[NARRATOR]: Magi-Chan interrupts the moment. [Pause] Thoughts. Bubbles.

[BUBBLES]: What now, Magi-Cheen? I jus' gave a crystal-gave a crystal to Angelica.

[MAGI-CHAN]: That there is not [pause for dramatic effect] Black Sonichu!

[BUBBLES]: Well he sure looks like my man to me. Now let us-now leave us alone.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Your questionable-your questioning is reasonable, but you should test his electric powers to prove his true identity.

[BUBBLES]: Yeah. Like I'm gonna drop all my trust in him just like *that*?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you.

[NARRATOR]: And then her phone rings-and then Bubbles phone rings.

[PHONE]: Ring! Ring! Ring!

[NARRATOR]: And then she picks up. It's Jiggliami. She picks up.

[JIGGLIAMI]: Bubbles! I just foun' Blake in the closet- back-stage closet!

[BUBBLES]: [Sigh] Listen. [Realizes this is Jiggliami's line]

[JIGGLIAMI]: Listen! Bubbles, listen!

[NARRATOR]: Blake. Blake. Blake is talking. Blake. Listen, Blake.

[BLAKE]: [Yawn] Bubbles? The black sonichu at the pier is a transforming ''impostor''. [Voice dies] Stay away. From him. Ugh!

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Sounds like "he fell on tonsils again"] I'll rush him to the Pokémon Center. I'll be back!

[PHONE]: '''BEEP!'''

[BUBBLES]: [Heartbroken] Blakey... Boo? [whimper] [Pause] [Suspiciously] ''Who is this black sonichu?'' Uh, I'll play it cool for now. Hmm.

[BLAKEVANA]: Ey. What keptcha?

[BUBBLES]: Eh. Nothing, Blakey. Let's do this right. Give me a thunderbolt attack. Come on! It'll turn me on! Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: In thinking-thoughts:

[SILVANA]: Thunderbolt? Oh man! I can't even make a ''spark''! But I can-I can't say no, she'll get-she would suspe't something! I'll have to stick to a psychic attack.

[BLAKEVANA]: Eh. Yeah. Sure thing.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Vrm-vrlorm-rm-bleh.

[NARRATOR]: [Mumbles] Silvana-as-Blake launches some ''psychic needles''.

[PSYCHIC NEEDLES]: Frm-frm-frm-frm.

[NARRATOR]: And Bubbles is kinda enjoyin' it. A lil' bit.

[BUBBLES]: Hmm.

[NARRATOR]: But then also-but also realizes the differences, like, ''that is not thunderbolt.'' An' then Bubbles says after he stops the attack:

[BUBBLES]: That felt good, [pauses for dramatic effect] BLACK SONICHU.

[BLAKEVANA]: Black Sonichu?

[BUBBLES]: BUT THAT WAS NOT A THUNDERBOLT! WHO ARE YOU?

[NARRATOR]: AND THEN SHE LAUNCHES A WHIRLPOOL to sw-to s-circle the two.

[WHIRLPOOL]: [Gently] Ffffff.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh.

[NARRATOR]: Says the impostor-Blake, the Blake-impostor.

[BLAKEVANA]: Heh. Saw through my disguise, did you? Well I'll tell you that I did better than your Blakey-Boo did. He couldn't- he couldn't tell the difference between- he couldn't tell the difference himself.

[WATER]: [Gently] Fffff.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she-Silvana pulls a drape of water around over him-herself-itself and turns back into Silvana Rosechu.

[SILVANA]: And as for who I will say that I was sent by a "friend" of your mayor and that this is not totally a girl talk.

[BUBBLES]: WHAT DID YOU DO TO BLAKE?

[SILVANA]: Sweetheart, [evil laugh] Ehuhuhuh, I never kiss and do tell.

[BUBBLES]: UGN! [Long and drawn out] BEE~!!

[NARRATOR]: She launches some thunderbolts within the whirlpool. Aimed at the- aimed at Silvana.

[BUBBLES]: [Sounds constipated] Ehhhhhhhhhn~!

[NARRATOR]: But then she teleports away from the path of the lightning and jus' levitates in the-in the eye of the- of the whirlpool. And she says:

[SILVANA]: How can you even ''think'' that wor'? Unlike you Bubbles, I am not woman. Bye now!

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft.

[NARRATOR]: An' then she teleports away. An' then Bubbles stops the whirlpool. An' then-an' then she drops to her knees- drops to her knees tired.

[BUBBLES]: [Pant! Pant! Pant!]

[NARRATOR]: An' then she calls on Magi-Chan:

[BUBBLES]: Magi-Chan?

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Blake? [Corrects himself] Yes, Bubbles?

[BUBBLES]: Please teleport me to Blake.

[MAGI-CHAN]: Yes, Bubbles. Righ' away.

[TELEPORTS]: Fffffft. Fffffp!

[NARRATOR]: But then at the Pokémon Center Bubbles is nearby Blake's bed. Mla-mla and then Blake wakes up to see her.

[BLAKE]: Bubbles. You're safe.

[BUBBLES]: Blakey-Bloo. Are you okay? What'd she DO to you?

[NARRATOR]: Blake an' Bubbles also thinks:

[BUBBLES]: Can I really refer ''it'' as a ''she''? If it was not a woman, then what was it? What a world we live in where such tr- what a world we live in when such trolls in it.

===Part 4===

{{Infobox/Videobooks
| name = Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008" Part 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|O18jpvbM9tI}}
| stardate = 19 [[September 2008]]
| Episode = [[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|18]]
| other = Featuring the voices of [[Chris]], [[Jiggliami]], [[Jamsta]], [[Troll]], [[Sonichu]], and [[Rosechu]]
| previous = [[Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Part_3_2|Episode 18 Part 3]]
| next = [[Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook#Episode_19|Episode 19]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[NARRATOR]: And then that night, at the beach's stage, am-juh-Jamsta Sonichu MC's the event.

[JAMSTA]: Ladies and dudes... CWCville Shopping Center, CWC Cola, and [[KCWC|station K-C-Dubya-C]] are proud to present, for her pop star debut, JIGGLIAMI!

[CROWD]: [Chris fails at attempting to make the sound of an entire crowd cheering]

[JIGGLIAMI]: [Falsetto] Thank you citizens of CWCville, Virginia! My debut song was inspired by my old pikachu boyfriend, who suddenly disappeared from out home field. [Inhales] I have missed him a lot, and yearn for his safe return. Inna mean time, I present to y'all, "War of Love"."

[CROWD]: [yet another lackluster attempt at the cheering crowd]

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Duhdadadahdahdahdah dah dah duuuuuh...

[JIGGLIAMI]: [singing] ♪ I can't hide this feeling anymore, doncha know this... the fever of love, dark clouds were hangin' low, a busy city had lost its color. Sunshine hiding away, twilight fading out, -JIGGLI!-, a shadow... me now, the world is not how it used to be...but I still want you, what could I do... what should I do, baka dana watashi, it's the war of love. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: Bumbuh bum bum bah bum bah buum, dunna dunna dunna duuuh, DUUUUUUHHNN...

♪ I can't give you up, I hate to see you smile to every girl, 'cept me. I wanchoo so bad, too heavy and too deep. Please focus on me, I will show you how much you love me -JIGGLI!-, I scream out to you with a megaphone to find it broken, I try to reach up as high as I can, but cher eyes are never on meee! Now I look up to da sky, ...to find that it has been cleared, but it was not done for me, I can't stop these feelings, they're getting out of hand. Owah could I do? Wha' should I do? I swear in this love I'll never give you up, daisuki, it's the war of looove. ♫

[MUSIC PLAYING]: DAAHnuh, dunna dunna duuh duh... lalla,luh lah lah lah lah, dung, dong, buh dong...mm, bung.

[CROWD]: [Chris's attempt at the cheering crowd has gotten slightly more excited]

[NARRATOR]: After the concert, [[Blanca]] found her boyfriend and left for their homestead of Kentucky. Jiggliami stayed in Cwcville to record her albums in accordance to "Jive Records" and CWCville studios. Currently, in the time void, or rather within my heart and head, a consequential conflicting decision had to be made. At this time in my life, I had met, an' unknowingly to myself, flirted with three wimmen on the innernet, I could choose only one. But with the help of [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] two paths were... light-lit up for me and realized that they were not the right paths.

[VOICES]: Christian! Christian! Christian~!

[NARRATOR]: I hadda to choose between these three women who won mah' heart, one at a time, all yet in mah' [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_3#IBAChandler.27s_Entry|autumn goodbye]]. Sadly one died in an automobile accident. [Sigh] In memory of that Sarah Jackson. A [[True and Loyal Fanbase|true Sonichu fan]] and [[Gal pal|gal-pal]]. May she rest in peace. An' one turned out to be a troll.

[TROLL]: MAM-BOM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BOM! POM POM BIDDY BOM BIDDY BO~OM!

[???]: Shut the dang door! [Pause] They can't take over if you keep them outta your home~!

[NARRATOR]: Hmm. But one was true, honest, and compassionate. Understanding. FUN! A true gir-a true girl. A true woman. An' a sweet singer from the [pause] flip-side of the world. My [pause] thought-to-be-true sweetheart who I would've promise my [pause] first time to and would'a remained loyal to forever. Ah. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie. She was [pause] [[PandaHalo|P-Panda Halo]]. [Sigh] She died months-she [sigh] died a-a-at this time- in the real time she died about January, 2009 in the brushfires of Australia. [Pause] She will never be forgotten, even though I promised my heart to her before the time she did but she had not died I would'a kept my promise. But then I met other women a-s-side from that anyway. Rest in peace, Sarah.

[NARRATOR]: [Long pause] AN' NOW SOME WISE WORDS FROM SONICHU AN' ROSECHU!

[SONICHU]: 'Ey loyal r-loyal readers-s.

[ROSECHU]: 'Ey loyal readers. Sonichu an' I wish to take a moment to inform you that although our lil' [pause] ''fun moment'' from episode s-seventeen by popular demand we want to remind you to practice safe sets wi' condoms an' birth control prescriptions from a certified medical doctor. [Pause] Information on safe sets as well as STDs can be foun' in th' books atchur local library or on l-legi'mate medical websites on th' innernet. We, Christian Weston Chandler, and everyone in this hand-drawn series fully support safe sets and th' proper use of comdoms for vaginal-penile innercourse. Hmm.

[SONICHU]: Also, in 'ddition, while we have fully support setsual edu'ation in high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, ''dating'' education classes, because while safe set is great for the eventual well-earned intercourse after three or so dates, it is vital to learn what to do even to get to date number one! It should be well-taught on how to approach and ats one member of the opposite gender up toward the very first date. Our generation an' future generations [pause] are at [pause] great-er-great risk if we do not support dating education. Especially when th-[pause] especially when tha' when we consider the homosetsuals. [Disgusted] They're all... s-! UGH! [Cheerfully] Anyway, we thank you all for your support. Have a safe day. An' enjoy life. Peace.

[NARRATOR]: Stay tuned for the nets episode. Thank you.

{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks|linkname=Sonichu Book 8 Videobooks}}
{{Videobooks}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-19]]

Ivy Q&A

2012-08-10T14:36:07Z

ShotgunJones: /* Rocky appears */

The '''[[Ivy]] Q&A''' was posted on 13 [[February 2011]]. It shed further light on the Ivy Saga ([[March 2009|March]] — [[July 2009|July]] [[2009]]).

==General questions==
{{quoteboxred|Assuming that you weren't forced to abort, what was your original plan for ending the [[saga]]? Did you have anything special planned for the breakup?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 17:18, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Not really. I was just going to ride it out to a certain point. Like any other relationship, I would have broke it off if things got stale.}}

{{quoteboxred|Also how did you get Chris to watch [[Wikipedia:The End of Evangelion|End of Evangelion]] and did he have any prior exposure to [[Wikipedia:Neon Genesis Evangelion|the series]]?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:42, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I liked Evangelion to an extent but it was my good friend who was the real fan. He wanted Chris to watch it. I basically said "Oh, you should watch this, you'll enjoy it" and that's what kicked it off. Chris said he liked the sex scene between [[Wikipedia:Misato Katsuragi|Misato]] "and that guy" but that [[Wikipedia:Rei Ayanami|Rei]] melting everywhere made him uncomfortable. He was familiar with Evangelion but not really a heavy watcher.}}

{{quoteboxred|How much contact did you have with Chris? Also, were you ever actually planning on meeting Chris like he mentions in [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this video]]?--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:15, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Chris called me a lot- it would have been impossible to keep track of how often. I'd just pick up and talk to him then.}}

{{quoteboxred|How much input did you have into the content Chris produced during the saga? Were the [[Wedding Comic|Wedding]]/[[Giant Penis Comic|Honeymoon Comics]] based on your suggestions, or did Chris come up with it on his own?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 18:27, 3 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Basically I would plant the seed and Chris would sow it. I'd occasionally suggest small details like what someone would wear or which friends I would want included or whatever. For the wedding comic, I just suggested that we have a wedding comic to prove himself to me. I made a few suggestions but he pretty much did it all on his own. 
With the honeymoon comic, I said something like "I want a honeymoon comic" and he did things like have my dad, [[Officer Keino]], make an appearance. Though… I specifically wanted him to make an accurate depiction of [[Duck|his dick]] in the wedding comic because I worried he'd hide the bend. To comply with this request he traced his penis to cut down on effort (and staring).}}

{{quoteboxred|Opinions regarding how Chris became the way he is vary from assigning him [[Chris and psychology|over nine thousand different mental diseases and disorders]], to crediting his 'perfect storm' of behavioral issues to simply shitty parenting of an autistic kid. As one of his more dedicated trolls, what are your thoughts? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Like [[Wikipedia: Lady Gaga|Lady Gaga]] would say, I think he was [[Wikipedia:Born This Way|born that way]]. :(}}

{{quoteboxred|Most of the trolling aside from [[BlueSpike]]'s efforts seems designed with the ultimate goal of helping Chris (eg "Get a job" is a requirement of practically all [[sweetheart]]s). Do you believe this has had any effect? Can they? Following on from that, do you support BlueSpike style trolling, aka purposely inflicting as much harm on Chris as possible with no 'goal'? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I really haven't been following trolling in Chris since I've been playing golf in Heaven with Boudicca and Lilith so I'm not really sure. But, I really don't think either method is effective. Neither result will help nor harm Chris in the long run.}}

{{quoteboxred|Is it true that one time when Chris called you, one of your parents (or someone pretended to be your parent) picked up the phone and told Chris off for calling all the time and so damn early in the morning? --[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 20:49, 4 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|No.}}

{{quoteboxred|Was there a point were [[troll]]ing Chris stopped being fun and became a chore? As in, because he kept calling, you felt you HAD to talk to him and you HAD to keep dealing with him? A follow up question: was it your idea to end it or and outside source? -- [[User:TheMAN|TheMAN]] 03:03, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|For the first question, it never felt like a chore because I'd only pick up when I wanted to and we'd have fun. It stopped being fun towards the end. It got kinda sketchy and I felt uncomfortable. It got too personal. As for the second part, you'll see a thorough answer further down...}}

{{quoteboxred|The say that a madman falling in love with you is a scarier situation than a madman wanting to kill you.{{cite}} Were you frightened or disturbed by any of your contacts with Chris? Or if not, were you merely amused by his bizarre methods of showing affection? --[[User:DJChaos|DJChaos]] 15:22, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I was often amused by Chris, perplexed, and impressed. But he wasn't really that bad, he would just gross me out.}}

{{quoteboxred|When [[Rocky]] decided to call [[the police]], did you have any conversations with her at all? Obviously the background check on you came up with nothing, but did you have any problems at all with Rocky's meddling? - [[User:Machop|Machop]] 16:57, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I didn't talk to Rocky. We had constant problems with Rocky as did Bob and Barb. It didn't just affect me and [[Josh]], but Chris's home life. She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.}}

{{quoteboxred|This one's kinda stupid, but i am a little curious. When Chris made the wedding comic the dress was ripped off from [[Wikipedia:November Rain|November Rain]]. Since Chris only listens to video game music or songs from guitar hero, chances are he never heard of that song or seen that video. Did you ever mention that you liked [[Wikipedia:Guns and Roses|guns and roses]]/November rain, or is that some of his [[random-access humor|random accessness]]? --[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 17:10, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I mentioned the dress explicitly. I told him I loved the video and I loved the dress. I thought, "If I'm going to get married at the circus, let's go all out".}}

{{quoteboxred|If you had one more time to troll Chris before you died, what else would you have done to the manchild? --[[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 18:06, 5 February 2010 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Nothing, because I am [[Chris and death|dead]].}}

{{quoteboxred|Probably a stupid question but have you ever talked to Barb or Bob on the phone? If so, How did it go? --[[User:Lucida|Lucida]] 7:41, 6 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Yes, keep scrolling!}}

{{quoteboxred|How did you find out about Chris stealing his parent's credit cards for his [[PSN]] account?

--[[User:Lucida|Lucida]] 7:52, 6 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|I confronted him about the bounced check and he admitted to using his parents' cards on PSN. Bob later told me Chris was nicking small change from Barb and that he knew Chris was stealing from them via their credit cards.}}

{{quoteboxred|Kind of piggybacking on another user's question: If you had had the chance to meet Chris in person, how do you think the event would have progressed? Would you have attempted to follow Chris's itinerary to a certain point before suggesting different activities, ride it the whole way through, or completely hijack it? Also, judging how the date with [[Emily]] (and any other female) went, it seems that Chris's ultimate goal in meeting up with a woman is to kiss and/or [[Sex|bed her]]. Would you have been prepared for his advances? Would you have brought along a chaperon/bodyguard, or did you believe that Chris was actually pretty harmless and that you could easily deflect his moves?

-- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 17:08 7 February 2011 (EST) ''[minor edit for grammar]''}}

{{quotebox|If Chris showed up at my house, I'd call my dad and yell "[[RAPE]]!". I wouldn't be worried about actual rape but just because Chris brings trouble. I'm also pretty certain [[Wikipedia:Purell|Purrell]] doesn't clean feces… I don't want him touching me with those hands.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy, I am curious. What was your reaction to the creeptacular videos Chris made for you, particularly "[[Message for Ivy]]" and "[[For my Sweetest Ivy]]"? Did you start to second guess your decision to help troll Chris? What was your reaction to "For my Sweetest Ivy" [[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment|getting played on the radio]]? It seems Chris has arguably made some of his creepiest and disturbing videos during your saga, and was totally enamored with you. Was there anything different you were doing in your trolling of Chris over the phone, as he seemed to be obsessed with your more than any other "sweetheart" of any saga before or since. I only ask this since we don't have your phone calls to hear for ourselves, so I'm curious if you did anything unique to get Chris so wrapped up in you? [[User:Nigroid|Nigroid]] 14:26, 7 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Everything Chris does impresses me. Whether it's backstabbing me or wooing me, I have always been impressed. I loved when one of Chris' videos to me was on the radio. Why would I record myself? I'm just having fun with my good buddy Chris.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy's Ghost, what was it about what you did that seemed to influence Chris to draw comic and also bring the crazy out of him? Also, you seem to have been the last sweetheart to use a fursona/sonic recolor sidekicks. Would you recommend future sweethearts to do the same? [[User:Barachulove|Barachulove]] 20:23, 7 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Already answered the first part. As for the second part, there's no surefire recipe to get Chris to do what you want him to do. If Chris likes you, he likes you. It's just purely a matter of chance.}}

{{quoteboxred|Ivy, I guess this question has to do with meeting Chris, but how badly did Chris want to meet you in real life? And did Chris have any intentions of getting married with you(because of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|his daughter Crystal]]), or possibly getting a place together(If it went that far in Chris's mind)? Or did Chris just want you inside of [[14 Branchland Court|his filthy home]] and having degrading "[[hanky-panky]]" in the garbage heaps of his house(because nothing says romance like rolling around in some garbage with an overweight man-child)? [[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 4:20, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|Yes to all the above. I don't know how far the rabbit hole goes, and I didn't want to find out.}}

{{quoteboxred|Any relation to [[Wikipedia:Poison Ivy (comics)|Poison Ivy]]? [[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 10:29, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|[[Soul Calibur|SOUL CALIBER]].}}

{{quoteboxred|This is an odd one, but was there, at any time, a moment when you felt a morsel of pity and/or (misguided) affection for Chris, or believed that he could be changed? (Granted, we mostly despise Chris, but there are a few times when some of us feel sorry for him and wish he could improve himself.) Do you believe Chris can redeem himself and become a somewhat functioning member of society, or is he a lost cause? For that matter, did you consider [[white knight]]ing? -- [[User:Elliecoral|Elliecoral]] 18:11, 8 February 2011 (EST)}}

{{quotebox|I felt bad for Chris when Josh was ripping him off until I found out that Chris was ripping Josh off as well. I feel bad for his parents. They did make him, but they also had to endure problems themselves. There's some mental illness in the family, I bet. I don't think Chris can get better because all the influences in his life suck.}}

{{quoteboxred|Your saga produced some of the most bizzare behavior from Chris. While he certainly did some weird stuff before you came along, his videos for you contained some of the most disturbing behavior he has ever shown. Among Chris's sweethearts, what made you so unique that you were able to get such strangeness out of him? Did you approach him differently? [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 01:08, 9 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Vegas, baby. Vegas.}}

{{quoteboxred|What was the grossest thing Chris ever said to you? I think other people have already asked this but how did you get Chris to start talking to you and did he ever get a "real" picture of you? (as in a picture of a random person from the [[internet]]) Or was Chris just going off of drawn pictures?[[User:Interested bystander|Interested bystander]] 19:01, 9 February 2011 (PST)}}

{{quotebox|Chris was going off the drawing alone. The grossest things he said to me were anything involving his bodily functions, him sleeping in the the products of said bodily functions. Oh and "sammies".}}

{{quoteboxred|Was it hard to play it straight when talking to Chris on the phone? Did you ever break character, or just start cracking up? [[User:darkhorse816|darkhorse816]] 22:21, 9 February 2011 (CST)}}

{{quotebox|If I was bored, I was bored. If I laughed, I laughed. I hid nothing. A lot of it was me saying "yeah, yeah, uh huh". I just had him call me back. Whatever I felt, I made no secret of.}}

==Chris stories==

{{quoteboxred|Outside of what's been documented, are there any funny Chris stories you can share with us? [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:57, 5 February 2011 (PST)}}
Actually, John Ritter’s Nutsack, I do have a select few!
===Beginnings===

During the time of CWCiki’s successful contact, I was busy in heaven getting my nails did. I’ve got a super shade color here, Blue Satin #461 by Chanel. I paid 48-H Quarters at the Church of the Miraculous Nordstrom for it…

I remember that there was a time when my entire existence filtered through this color, blue. Battery Blue… paired with [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mellow Yellow]]- and so very much brown.

In the beginning, I used to watch the Chris videos with various friends because he reminded me of different peers from high school (my graduating class was upwards of 500 individuals. More peers always ment a higher [[Slow-in-the-minds|challenged]] population roaming the hallways unattended).

I wanted to surprise a good friend by getting a shout out from Chris for us. When [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|I finally achieved this]] he said her name [''Rachel''] wrong during the recording. I phoned him back and pointed out the error. Chris promised to get right to amending this mistake. No big deal, right?

Well, this pretty much set the tone for our entire relationship.

Before the Emily date occurred [''19 March 2009''], when I initially phoned Chris, I was subjected to a quiz by his parents. I spoke to [[Bob]] first.

"Hi! I'm such and such, from such and such. Oh, I know Chris from INSERT PLACE HERE.”

Bob responded by urging me to slow down. He said some endearing terms, though I don't remember the specifics. Politely, he informed me that he had to get his wife because “she's in charge of messages for Chris”.

He passed me to [[Barb]]. At first, it seemed like she was content to just chitchat. Out of nowhere, she interjected (while I was telling her about New England). “I'm sorry, I have to get my pad o' paper."

I'm pretty sure it was a trusty spiral-bound notebook that she used frequently, because I could hear a lot of paper being flipped about.

We begin again and she listed off the following questions:

"Your name? 
Middle name? 
Last name? 
Dad's name? 
Mom's name? 
What they did for a living? 
Divorced or married? 
First, second, marriage? 
Siblings? 
Any cousins nearby? 
Where you live? 
Any family in [[Charlottesville]]? 
Favorite color? 
What High school did you attended? 
Presently in College? 
Major? 
Was that your first choice? 
Did you have a "secondary major"? 
Any pets? 
Do you still live with your parents? 
Roommates? 
Your roommate's name? 
Roommate’s birth date? 
How tall are you? 
What do you look like?...”

Next, she asked what my culture was. I said Irish. She also asked my eye and hair colors, body type (despite already stating such when asked “how I looked”). Again, she asked for my roommate's birth date (apologies were given for being forgetful, but there was no re-mentioning of her notebook’s presence).

I had called the house phone because when I tried his cell he had a recording stating that if you want to talk to him, to call his house phone (later, he would add to “speak with parents”).

Barb’s impromptu quiz went on for a half hour. Pretty loopy situation but she was nice to me. She kept referring to me as "dear" and what-not. Though, she continued doubled check things and asked me to repeat from five or ten minutes ago up until the very end of the session. At long last, Barb passed Chris the phone.

Chris initially wouldn't talk, at all. He was super quiet, and would penetrate the silence with an occasional “yeah” and “mmyeah”. I'm not sure if his parents were in the room but I aimed to fill in the gaps. I really wanted that shout out.

The time spent talking with Chris was monumentally less than the time with Barb. I spoke to him maybe fifteen minutes tops, and the majority of it was a struggle.

Eventually, he agreed to a shout out. [[Apology to Emily|The video]] was primarily aimed at Emily for missing their date (which I had zero idea about). Once done making excuses for blanking on the stood-up girl, he did the shout out and said the name wrong.

I phoned him back and informed him of the disappointment my friend and I shared. I asked him, point blank, “if you can't remember her name, how could you remember mine?"

Chris profusely apologized… and than went on for twenty minutes about [[Wikipedia:Burnout Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]. Compared to the other call, it was as if I were speaking with a completely other guy.

"Oh yeah! If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new [[heartsweet]]."

Suddenly, I was pretty uncomfortable. I told him such was probably didn’t need to be considered as Emily really seemed to be his type. Despite this, Chris continued on. He said he wanted to move away from sexual stuff because his last girlfriend “really wore him out”. Apparently, his dick would hurt during the act and would stay sore afterwards.

Emily and the [[Pickle Man]] happened. I would later find out that Chris was extremely proud that he did not [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|defecate in his pants]] when he first saw the Pickle Man. Chris’ only thoughts, at the time, were: "Am I pooing myself? I hope I don't poo myself."
===After Emily===
Pickle Man left with Emily, then there were [[Hooker incident|the hookers]] and after [[Clyde]] called him, Chris called me. For the rest of our relationship, Chris would be the primary initiator of our phone calls. Only after the completion of a long-term project, or a fuck up would I phone him.

During this call he wasn't so broken up about Emily as he was pissed about the Pickle Man. He was really pissed about Clyde making his mom upset, too. He said his Dad took care of the hookers, though he was brief on the details.

After Chris launched back into [[video games]] for a bit, he switched topics.

He told me that since Emily hadn’t worked out he’d like for me do him the honor of… I told him we could see how things went between the two of us. I wanted to take it slow because I really didn’t know him that well. Plus, My dad usually likes to check out guys first. Chris assured me that [[Third Date|he too liked to take things slow]]- and that he could be my man.

He asked about my [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character. I completely blanked. I had briefly mentioned the existence of such during our initial call to get onto his good side. I told him my character's name was [[Luckette]]. Chris was disgusted and thought this name sounded “[[Homos|too French]]”. He recommended something more American, like Daisy!

I had to rush to draw my character and I sent him that. I included some fan art along the way, too. The drawing of my Sonichu character got cropped in [[Wikipedia:GIMP|Gimp]] so it dropped the 'e' from the end of “Luckette”. Chris really hated this change. He added that I could improve on my handwriting, too. “You could write hearts over the 'I's".

From the get-go, he would never complement my drawings. He would always find something wrong with them. Like, "This character looks like she has three legs and [[Women's rights|very bruised eyes]]”.

He asked me about the drawing of myself. He wanted to know if “the drawing was true to real life”. I didn’t know what to say, so he added: "Is it accurate?". I agreed. He did a nervous laugh and said: "Woahhhh, I could get use to that”!

We then had a really deep discussion about what my character was. Instead of a sheep, Chris said she could be [[Layla Flaaffy|a Flaffy]]. I mentioned [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pokémon_(152–201)#Mareep|Mareeps]] and was quickly shut down. Chris than went on about [[Reginald Sneasel|a Sneasel named Reginald]]…

Chris returned to the subject of names. He insisted that he didn't approve of the French name, or the cropped out “e”. I gave in. I told him I was going to change it to a few other things but he wasn’t pleased with any of these suggestions, either. Finally, I came up with Layla next. I chose Layla because it sounded like a hooker's name- not because of [[Wikipedia:Eric Clapton|Clapton]] (though I do like [[Wikipedia:Layla (song)|that song]]!). I thought Chris would moan but he was thrilled. She sounded beautiful!

"I bet my Reginald would find your Layla VERY sexy! I think Reginald would like to take Layla on a date. I think Reginald would like to Layla to [[McDonald's]]…”

Chris suddenly told me that he wanted the two to get busy in the McDonald's bathroom. “I bet that before the second part of their date, they could take a potty break and Reginald would leave the door open to be a flirt and they could exchange some kisses," Chris told me. Chris also made mention of them washing their hands together.

Just like Chris wasn’t won over by my names, I wasn’t exactly buying the idea of Layla hooking up with this Reginald. I told Chris that Layla would find [[Punchy]] more her type. She's into the Asian persuasion, y’know. Chris was caught off guard.

He could have sworn I knew that Punchy and [[Angelica]] was an item. I replied that not everyone ends up with their sweetheart. Chris didn't end up with YOUR high school sweetheart, did he? Nope. Well, nor did I- as I was presently single, after all. “that makes the two of us," Chris giggled. I said the two people could fall in love at any point in their life. He got excited and declared that meant Angelica could help Reginald feel better about himself.

Chris said "I love you”. Now, and whenever else he’d say this I would never say it back, I would say "I'm sure you do" or do something like [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkaRM this].

That call was the 19th of [[March 2009|March]]. That same day, he released [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated#Director's cut|the edit of the shout out video]].

The next time he called me, it was the first time I brought up the '[[Holding Out For a Hero]]' video. He said he'd consider it as. Despite just meeting me, I told him I already “felt a connection with him. I feel like you're my hero. I have this vision of you rescuing me from my school on a horse. I want you to make a video just like that." At this point he was all in.

He asked me if I would ever sing for him in return. He said how he sung with his mom and compared himself to Bing Crosby. He wanted me to sing him an “old song” "I want you to sing me an old song”. I found a video my friend had send me earlier [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7l2HNbGiLM this video] and sing-talked. He wanted me to record this but I told him I didn't have any equipment of that nature. Instead, I taught him the song and he followed along and sang over me. He didn't know the lyrics.

I informed Chris that I would really like it if he sang MY favorite song, too. He threw in some ideas, saying he wanted to make a comic for it. This was great! Although, I was hoping he'd animate it, I was still really impressed that he just had these ideas to begin with.

Sadly, we got into a little tiff because I wanted the [[Wikipedia:Bonnie Tyler|Bonnie Tyler]] version of “[[Wikipedia:Holding out for a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]” because he already had the [[Wikipedia:Frou Frou (band)|Frou frou]] version from [[Wikipedia:List of songs featured in Shrek#Track_listing_3|the Shrek 2 soundtrack]]. He wanted to use that one instead of “spending more [[My Coke Rewards|coke reward]] points on the same song”. I didn't like that version. The Bonnie Tyler version reminded me of my Dad. He backed off and agreed to look it up on youtube.

When we caught up again he was really annoyed. He couldn’t identify Bonnie’s gender and preferred the Frou Frou version as “we could slow dance to it”.

I told him again that I preferred Bonnie because of my Dad. Chris sighed and complied, saying he’d allow this sort of thing just this one time. I squealed! “Eeeeeeeeeeeee” just like [[Bionic]] in that one comic with hearts in my eyes and such. I asked if he could have it done the next day or so…

It took him about six days to deliver [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the video]]. He called before I watched and said he did it all with his [[PSEye|PSeye]]. He wanted to know when I was going to get MY PSeye? (I had revealed that I had a [[PS3|ps3]] previously in passing) and he released the video.

The video opened with him looking enthused and diddling about on his plastic [[guitar]]. I recall thinking he looked a bit like the [[wikipedia:Mark David Chapman|guy that had did in John Lenon]] during those first few frames. Soon, however, it got really good. I never asked why he put the cards in the video, though.

My favorite part was when he started really rocking out and did the guitar solo over his head. Pure delight.

A few days down the line, I asked for a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of his house]]. When I visited Chris, I wanted to feel like I was already at home. I wanted my first time walking in his house to be like “yeah, I belong here', and I desired to know where everything is. He preferred to just show me [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. But… how did he get to his bedroom? He offered the garden but no dice. He chuckled and agreed.

===Threats===
Couple days later, I got a phone call pretty early in the morning from Chris. He was freaked out! The previous night a guy claiming to be Clyde (sounded nothing like him based on Chris' impression) left a voice mail saying that he wanted to KILL Chris! After calming him down, I told Chris that I highly doubted that the caller was anywhere near Chris. He was going to be okay. Chris told me that he ”was upset and... things had happened." During this call I would learn all about Chris’ bathroom troubles. He told me had gotten scared and shat himself.

In addition, his mom basically had a vendetta about doing his laundry these days, too, because of this habit of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting himself]] when he was stressed or emotional. Whenever Chris would annihilate his pants to some degree he'd simply dump (teehee) his soiled garments in the laundry without taking care of them first. Each time Barb would do laundry, without fail, there’d be a very special surprise waiting for her. This sort of thing had happened since Chris was a kid but it got worse after school completed. His doctor suggested that Chris could change [[McDonald's|his diet]] or try [[Sonichu's Edge|exercising]] to help things. Chris told the doctor he wanted a pill. Since the issue wasn’t anything clinical, the Doctor told Chris that he could wear protective garments, especially since Chris couldn't feel the mess unless he moved around- long after the deed had been completed. "But that's for babies!" Chris clarified by screaming at me. The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “[[butt garments]]”.

Barb really wanted Chris to at least try the liners but he was determined. So, Barb stated that she would no longer do his laundry. Though, after that Liquid Clyde call, Barb offered to wash his sheets- the next day. He said he when he had woken up in the middle of the night it had been "a big one”. But, instead of racing off to tell his Mom, Chris climbed out of bed and decided to hide from Clyde by putting one big stuffed animal in the middle of the bed with a pair of [[Carlos Chantor|sunglasses]] across it’s face.

Chris hid on the couch and covered himself in stuffed animals. He didn't want to sleep in his bed because of the mess he made, and because “that would be where Clyde would look for him”. If Clyde had infact broken into Chris bedroom that night it was easy to see how Chris potentially would have worked- although not in the way he intended.

After falling back asleep Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|a "sticky dream."]] He said that it had about him and me in a pool, and that as he had been my hero, I could be his heroine too- his “[[God]]’s angel mermaid”. He stated that when he woke up there was yet another mess but "not a bad mess”. “Oh, you had a wet dream?"

Chris giggled and said: "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"

He added that it was the first pleasant dream he had had in some time… and repeatedly kept corrected me about "sticky dreams”. 
After this dream, Chris returned to obsessing over Clyde. I asked Chris what he was going to do about Clyde and was informed that he intended to phone the [[police]] - eventually. I pointed out that Clyde was out of the local police's jurisdiction (federal wasn’t mentioned) as Clyde resided now in [[PandaHalo|Australia]], after all. Chris didn’t understand what jurisdiction meant, but recognized Australia was too far for [[Virginia]]’s boys in blue to visit by car.

I told Chris that he was being too passive. He needed to take charge and be a man. His first confrontation video ended up being kind of lackluster. Others followed and slowly Chris progressed up the ladder… only to get distracted once again.

[[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|The next video]] was one explaining bodily functions to my cousin, Flora (as Chris was an unrivaled expert on this topic). At first he was kind of uncomfortable making it, but I persuaded him that farts were completely natural (like his other ailments) and that he had nothing to worry about. Chris predictably warmed up to the topic and surprised us all by singing for the finale an acoustic ditty of his own.
===Rocky appears===
[[File:4rjvG.jpg|thumb|An angel protecting CWCville. Note the line from canine that Chris apparently didn't notice...]]
He produced a steady stream of videos until Rocky made the scene. She appeared March 30th. After she showed up, he decided he didn't want anything to do with youtube. This was a major problem though. [[Youtube]] was the only way I could see by boyfriend’s God-given face. He eventually gave in and returned to youtube upon agreement that videos uploaded needn’t stay public. Once viewed and saved onto my ipod, they would each be deleted from his page.

I started to encourage him to stand up for himself, overall, and get that darn [[ED]] page taken down. Clyde and ED were all one and the same. Around this time, Chris and Rocky discovered [[legi0n]]. Chris was overwhelmed by the colors and sensations of the forum, but before he closed the window, he saw a photoshop of him “as an angel protecting [[cwcville]]”. He loved that picture so much.

===Vanessa Hudgens===
Around the same point [[Vanessa Hudgens]] appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ [[nudes|nudity]]. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust [[Joshua Martinez]], whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.

I gave Chris the idea for his next domain name, [[cwcville.com]]. He was fairly hung up on purchasing sonichuandrosechuforever.com (or an alternative name of the same nature if his first choice was revealed to be already occupied). However, he was quickly swayed by cwcville.com as it was still proclaimed one of his many creations. We had the hopes that he'd make the new site into a big portal that would feature BRAND NEW, NEVER RELEASED, and ORIGINAL material. He registered the domain via godaddy instead of geocities. He selected "godaddy" as it made him think that it was a family friendly domain registrar or something (thus more trustworthy and accepting of his content).
===Layla and Punchy===
After cwcville.com was established, Chris started on [[episode 19]]. While working on pages he made some [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg fanart] of [[Layla]] and [[Punchy]] [[Tomgirl Pictures|swapping underwear]]. I had suggested Chris draw Punchy in women’s underwear sometime (to symbolically display an acceptance of Chris’ interests). When I saw the finished product, I noticed he had shoehorned Layla in there as well. “They both have to do it,” he insisted, “together forever”. Before coloring the final piece he decided to sketch out a one-off of Layla blowing Punch while in wearing boxers.

His plan for episode 19 involved their date at [[McDonalds]]. Chris kept talking about how they'd have sex in the bathroom. He also made a ham-fisted analogy between Punchy/Layla and him/myself. He said that our first date would be at McDonalds, too, and his desire to fuck me in the lavatory. Chris claimed that he normally didn’t approve of sex before marriage, but he was a modern man now who changed with the times. I asked him if Punchy would have the condom, but Chris was adamant that Punchy didn’t have pockets and was insulted when I referenced cartoon loopholes. He tried to suggest that Layla had the condom, but I wouldn't let him as Layla is not that kind of girl. Chris eventually decided that Layla could choose when and when not to birth.

After that pressing matter got resolved, he declared that they were "going to have some fun". Chris also wanted to include [[Wikipedia:Vaginal flatulence|queefing]]. There was [[Wikipedia:Eat, Pray, Queef|an episode]] of [[South Park]] that aired right before this, so it's obvious that's where he got the queefing idea. Though, he never did bring the show up (at least, in reference to queefing). Instead, he acted like he was suddenly concerned about [[Women's rights|women's problems]]. I thought this was weird, but backed up his argument by referencing his incontinence problems. He said that because I accepted his perpetual mud butt, it should be OK for him to be supportive of queefers and include it within the upcoming comic.

I thought that was a great idea! And since I knew about the episode of South Park, I suggested he get glitter and put it in the comic, too. He ended up getting stickers instead. And sadly, in the final cut, he ended up coloring over the queef entirely. I was very disappointed.

While Layla and Punchy were on their date, Layla got a greek salad with ranch dressing, [[pickles]] on the side, and a diet [[coke]]. She was watching her figure, after all, implored Chris. Punchy offered her some free fries as they sat across from one another at the day-glo dinner table. Hailing back to her petting zoo roots, Layla ate them from his hand, careful not to nip any wayward digits.

This instance, along with the fact that Punchy had tolerated her gassy [[vagina]], really wowed Layla. She was so impressed that when they went for their "potty break", she ended up fucking the echidna-hitmon-chu.

Chris went into detail about how this unfurled: He said that Punchy had gone to the men’s room and had left the door ajar while he used the facilities. After simultaneously “relieving himself and flirting with Layla” he decided to visit her in the women’s bathroom. They selected the [[Slow-in-the-minds|handicapped]] stall in which to have sex because of the extra elbowroom. After their bathroom escapades, they head to Layla's house to eat again (possibly dessert? Chris intended no innuendos).

Meanwhile, [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] is a jealous little spunk. Originally, Chris had really dramatic ideas planned for Reginald. The blue Sneazelchu was going to slash Punchy's tires. He also was supposed to walk in on Punchy and Layla having sex in the McDonald’s bathroom.

I'm fairly certain that all of this hilarious material was axed from the comic because Chris had been showing [[Rocky]] [[Chris and art|his crafts]] and basically censored himself in the process. To me, however, he simply said he wanted to keep things "TV-Y7".

===''Hey Arnold!''===
While Chris was working on all this, he had a new [[dream]]. After a few rage videos against [[Clyde]], the unpleasant [[troll]] dreams had ceased. His latest bizarre dream involved the show “[[Wikipedia:Hey Arnold!|Hey Arnold]]”. He asked me if I remembered Hey Arnold and when I answered yes, he shrieked: "THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S A FOOTBALL HEAD!” After I picked the phone back up off the floor he apologized and assured me that had been his "[[Wikipedia:Helga Pataki|Helga Pataki]] coming out".

Next, he performed several impressions of the Hey Arnold characters that all sounded eerily similar to one another... In particular, he was especially proud of his [[Wikipedia:List_of_Hey_Arnold!_characters#Arnold.27s_classmates_and_their_families|Phoebe]] because she sounded like [[Angelica Rosechu]]. Phoebe wanted to stick around for quite awhile but eventually Chris let me in on his dream.

It started off with him skiing on a mountain with Arnold. They went off a steep jump and flew/floated through space. When they returned to Earth, they landed in the ocean atop a pair of identical surfboards. Chris high fives Arnold and sees everyone on the beach cheering for them.
===Crabs===
He then began rambling on about his many [[cats]] and [[Patti]] (in Heaven, she prefers to hang around with former First Kitty, [[Wikipedia:Socks (cat)|Sox]] [''sic'']). He asked me if I had pets and I told him that I had two hermit crabs, [[Crass and Champ]]. I told Chris that they were married and he suddenly became very interested in the vivacious pair. Always open-minded, he didn't even ask their genders. I don’t think Chris ever did find out that they were [[Homos|both males]]…

It was after I mentioned Crass and Champ that he started talking about visiting the crustaceans and I in real life. He asked me what I would think if I woke up one day and rolled over to find him lying next to me, formerly spooning? Chris would be smiling fondly at me, and would I return this? Or perhaps begin squealing with delight? I asked how he'd manage to get into my dorm room in the first place. He said he'd arrange something with my roommate as she “was clearly supportive of our union”. Despite being fairly certain my roommate wasn’t a shipper fangirl, I made sure to point out to Chris that he most likely wouldn't even have been able to get into the building.
===Easter===
He changed game plan. He said he'd just show up at my Starbucks job. He would be excited to see "his sweetie serving treaties". He was also really stoked about getting free drinks while there, and wanted to know if he could get [[Obesity|free food]], too. I had an inkling that McDonalds would be but a distant memory after he had the ability to save those burger dollars and fill up on toffee bars.

He than announced that he intended to stroll up to the counter and order.

“I’ll have a caramel macchiato, caramel on the side. I’ll have it on my lover, later on.”
Chris decided to upload [[For My Sweetest Ivy|a video greeting the crabs and I]]. This was the “notoriously creepy” video that ended up [[Toucher and Rich Segment|on the radio stations]]. I will always hold dear how much he loved my crabs… and how eager he was to take them for “walkies”.

The next video I requested was for him to get all dolled up for a date with me. I wanted him to mime what our magical first date would be like. Somewhere along the way McDonalds was forgotten. Had Chris and I grown too close for him to uphold this sacred courtship step? I’m thinking the comic took care of such necessary details (and saved him a few bucks in the process). So, instead of elaborating about me rolling over for fries he decided to bring a special guest on the show: [[The Return of Kimmi|a sex doll with my drawn face on it]].

After seeing those videos, I asked Chris how [[church]] went. We ended up getting onto the topic of Easter. Chris started rambling about Easter hunts and how he was upset that he no longer received presents or [[Obesity|chocolate]] anymore. With a stiff upper lip, he accepted that he didn’t get these things, however, because he is “now man, not a little boy”.

I asked him to relive his favorite childhood Easter memories in a video. I also requested he wear his "Easter best". His interpretation of this request was [[Bunny Hop|the bunny hop video]]. Crayola red graced his nose but, sadly, he decided to use permanent markers for his bunny whiskers. He whined about how hard it was to get off and how he was “stuck blushing”.

At this time, Chris [[Biological clock|loved having a schedule and regular work]]. I gave him an assignment of three comic pages a day. On the weekend he was to color the completed pages. After the bunny hop video, he had to be persuaded to upload the pages on time because he was tired from scrubbing the permanent marker off of his face.
===Cheating===
A couple days later I discovered, through the grapevine, that Chris had been cheating on me with [[Vanessa]]. I insisted that I wasn't angry with Vanessa but I was angry with him, although Chris kept pleading with me not to blame Vanessa. I decided to punish him by requesting a video of him spanking himself. Although my intention wasn't that he be naked, Chris decided to kill two birds with one stone and film the spanking video immediately after the shower video he made for Vanessa. I had repeatedly asked for Chris to upload the video, per usual, to [[youtube]] and he point-blank refused. After viewing the video, needless to say I knew why.

Some troll sent Chris a package of “[[butt garments]]” in the mail. Barb thought that they were samples from their doctor, so she kept them, just in case. Chris was angry that she was keeping the diapers and tried to steal them from her multiple times, but he failed. Barb squirreled them away in her room.

My roommate was also really offended that Chris cheated on me and insisted that a mere spanking wasn't an acceptable punishment. She suggested he wear the diapers and label his [[Duck|crotch]] as "unfit for collection". During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to “still look good for me”.

Afterwards, he had to sneak the remaining diapers back into his mother's room. Given this atonement, Chris’ mood returned to normal. He began discussing his plans for meeting up with me again and blamed [[Virgin with rage|his unfulfilled libido]] on his temptation to cheat. He had never mentioned this resurgence of “needs”. Just like with the Easter discussion, and many discussions before, Chris reminded me that he was “a man”. He made to sure to add that [[Julie]] had been “forever ago by now”, too. 
Chris blamed me for why he cheated on Vanessa, and stressed it wasn't Vanessa's fault. He said he felt neglected because his needs weren't being met.

"You said Julie wore you out," I told him.

"But that was forever ago!!" Chris protested.

I asked him why he was telling me all this now but had never gave me a prior explanation. I followed this up by asking what kinds of needs he had. The response wasn’t entirely pleasant. Some of the conversations were as such:
===Love and marriage===
He fantasized about us being married together. I told him I was going to for my PhD in Art History and wanted to take my time [when it came to marriage]. He said he'd do [[art]] as well when we were married, but as a “writer/artist”. I’d come home from a long day of work… then Chris have to go to work. [[Women's rights|I’d cook.]] Chris wanted know if I would mind if, he was really [[stress]]ed out, if he could go to the strip club on the way home? I was taken aback. He was supposed to be telling me about how he had needs. Were these it? He continued by elaborating that if he was especially stressed, this would allow me to continue cooking without his stress interrupting the process.

So, I asked him what we’d do if I had sexual needs?

“I’m sorry, what?” was the reply.

I re-iterated that women have sexual needs, too. He understood. I continued: “therefore, if I'm stressed out, do I get to go to the strip club?"

Chris was very confused. He told me that there were women already there. I offered a male strip club. Chris told me he didn’t think we had those in [[Virginia]]. I asked Chris what if we had a threesome and he said he'd be okay with such. I added that wanted a second man to join us. I received another “what” before he proclaimed that he no longer wished to discuss such topics.

Chris next asked me about my art phd. I told him about how I wanted to be a museum curator. I asked about [[CADD|his college degree]] and he said he would use it to draw [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. I didn’t understand how this work, given the nature of his degree. I concluded that this would mean I was the breadwinner. Chris chimed in that "yeah, we're modern like that”.

I asked what would happen when we procreated. He said that when had [[Daughter|Crystal]], I’d have to take a time out from working. Without hesitation, I asked what if I didn't like the name Crystal? After some disgruntled sighs, I started on about how Crystal was a stripper name. He got upset. Chris always knew his Daughter was supposed to be named Crystal- [[God]] told him so! I asked him what if God told me that MY daughter's name wasn’t crystal, and he got mad. I flat out told him that if I'm the bread winner and was going to carry the kid and go through labor that I should at least have say in the naming process. Besides, he’d have his stripper friends named Crystal, having a baby named such too would be overkill. He kinda broke down about it and he said we’d discuss such things when the time actually came.

Chris was, once again, suddenly turned on. We got back on the subject of what we would do if we met and how I'd be coming down to [[Ruckersville]] when I graduated. He was getting fairly frisky and wanted to get all intimate. Chris wanted to know how I’d go down on him. He told me that if he ate something before the deed how I too would taste it. I remember asking him about [[Country Cookin]]’ around this point to move the topic along. Since he goes there a lot, after all. Chris said eats spinach and dessert first, then eat chicken. From Chicken we returned to… I indulged him. I asked him what would he eat beforehand? He said he'd eat these things immediately, and they’d be strawberries.

I asked him if it’d taste like "strawberry milk”? "No, just strawberries". The subject of [[recycling]] his [[semen]] was visisted. I asked him to enjoy some strawberries on video and then try to see if his afterbirth tasted like strawberries, too. He said he didn't have strawberries in his house because they’d just spoil in the Chandler’s fridge. I asked him if he had chocolate and he said "yeah, some chocolate syrup for chocolate milk!”. So, I told him to try that instead. Though, he said he'd “do it all together on camera”...

I'd try to keep the calls short because otherwise he'd talk for two hours. 15 minutes was always the ideal length for me. I called him back when he said the video would be done. Chris said he didn't have any chocolate syrup so he opted instead for orange [[Fanta]]. Chris downed it.

On [[April 2009|the 16th]], after Chris had shown me the video privately, Clyde hacked Chris's website and leaked [[April 16 Fetish Vids|multiple videos]]. The spanking video, and Chris dancing about in the shower with an imaginary me. When I saw that video I asked him about it. He said it was for Vanessa. Chris was ready to take on [[nude]] roles. As mentioned, I asked for the spanking video but I didn't ask for it to be in nude. Now I knew why it had been. I purposely did not want any nudes of Chris.

Chris thought Clyde "interrupted the stream" as opposed to hacking his website with his password or something like that. So, he never changed a thing with godaddy.

The next day, Chris spoke with Vanessa again and reported to me about how he was behaving even though she was up on her ways. He never thought twice about telling me about how much Vanessa wanted him. I cried about how I felt he was still cheating on me and he made [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|the video kissing the blow up doll]]. Unsatisfied, I wanted a video where he swore on the bible that he wouldn't cheat on me again but instead [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|he simply quoted verses]]. Though I appreciated the effort, it still wasn’t enough. I asked him if he remembered all the old videos he rid of? Like [[CWC is Angry|that one video]] where shot [[Adam Stackhouse]]? He did. I asked if he would upload it since it made him look like a badass and might scare off Clyde. He said it’d be like he was defending me! Indeed, two birds – one stone.

I later re-discovered how much I had enjoyed [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog boys]] when it first hit the e-waves. I asked Chris to make an album [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|another album]]. Chris wanted to include his girlfriend- and the crabs. I gave him song ideas and he went to town with them. Some of them were long, though, and he kinda got bored. That’s why the songs in toward the end were not as creative as the first few. Like "[[Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)|Paradise by the Seashore Light]]”.

When the album was released and I shared it with all my friends. Just like everything else, Clyde got ahold of it. I remember asking why Layla was included on the cover. Chris said she wanted to join and was the stage manager. She was peaking out from behind the curtains- not being a dismembered floating head.
===Stalking===
Even after all the tears, Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the [[Chris's education#James_Madison_University|JMU]] campus with a [[sign]] and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for [[money]] and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’ [[ps3]]. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to [[Wikipedia:T.G.I. Friday's|TGI Fridays]]. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this. 
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his [[fangs]] at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris' dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.

I discovered that Chris was driving all over the place looking for Vanessa, and at JMU in particular, I began to doubt Chris' loyalty. Chris recommended a simple video reiterating his promises to me, but I insisted that, this time, such was not good enough. I suggested a full-blown marriage ‘what if?’ comic/video and he proposed. My Daddy, whom always reminded me of Coach McGuirk, made his first appearance in the comic.

Chris really loved the Coach McGuirk idea. He spoke with my father on the phone and wowed him with stories about him being in the cub scouts. Daddy, meanwhile, quizzed Chris. What was his home life like? What was his game plan for the future? Chris, proudly, informed Daddy that his job was “writing Sonichu updates”. Daddy asked: “what the fag is that, son?”. Chris changed the topic…
===Comics===
All of my friends made an appearance in the [[wedding comic]]. I also suggested the [[Wikipedia:November Rain|November Rain]] wedding dress as, since I was already at the big top, I might as well dress for the occasion, too. Chris decided that he would have to wear his clown shirt in the comic- not because of the ceremony’s theme, but because no one would recognize him if he was wearing a normal suit alone. No, the medallion was not enough.

It was in this comic that he finally put to use stickers originally intended for Layla's feminist queef. They were made the petals for flower girl, [[Ching Chong]], to scatter. [[Wikipedia:Celine Dion|Celion Dion]] was chosen as the background music because… well, [[Wikipedia: Meat Loaf|Meatloaf]] had a hangover and I don’t think Chris would have been comfortable with [[Homos|Elton John]], even if the man had previously played at Crass and Champ’s ceremony (therefore insuring us a recommendation discount!).

Clyde showed up again, dropping more Vanessa info and videos. It was after that that Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the [[Charlottesville]] area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.

I asked why he had included six [[Wikipedia:Glade (brand)|glade]] plug-ins with our suite. Chris claimed that a single one wasn’t strong enough for [[Chris's room|his small bedroom]] so a suite would require much, much more. Things were about to get dirt-ay, after all! Plus, there was that whole thing with Chris defecating whenever he experienced a sincere, triggering, emotion…

While drawing [[Giant Penis Comic|the honeymoon comic]], Chris wanted to draw [[Duck|his penis]] life sized. I called him to find out what was holding things up and Chris revealed that he had taken a break to cuddle with [[Barbara|Mommy]]. After considering the situation, Chris decided to hand off the phone to Barb. Barb was, surprisingly, very friendly. She had been such during my initial quizzing, but now her guard was completely brought down. Chris was, however, impatient because Barb had interrupted him while he was drawing his dic]. His dick was bent in [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] because I didn't want him whitewashing history and pretending his dick had no curve to it. As previously implied, the theme of our relationship had always been one of acceptance (and feces).

Chris claimed the speed lines across our bodies were due to the “camera zooming in on the goodies”. After Barb finally left the room, Chris settled on just tracing his dick. The tracing was his idea to simplify the process of drawing his dick accurately (and so he wouldn’t have to look at it for too long). He attempted to trace his “small sack” with it’s “lots of [[Comeuppance|cum]]” but eventually gave up and winged it.

Chris asked if my comic self had any powers so I made up a sort of fursona analogue to [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. One surprise in the comic was the re-appearance of my father, giving permission for Chris to deflower me. I appreciated Chris asking Daddy… before asking me. Chris gave his "scout's honor" to take care of me.

After that dastardly Clyde intercepted the honeymoon comic it went public. In addition, all these debauched accounts of sex and freewheeling fecal matter reached poor, innocent Ching Chong's ears. She had become confused and terrified of my poor, insane, boyfriend. I suggested that Chris make a video explaining his behavior and why it’s natural. Honestly, I primarily requested an explanation of the leaked spanking video, but Chris offered a bonus discussion about his poopoo problemos and [[navy]] consumption. [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009|This video]], in particular, became very notorious across the internet (and airewaves) on such sites as hiphop superstars and more.

To cover his ass to Rocky, he made a [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009#Additional material|follow-up video]] disavowing responsibility, and blaming me for mention (and revelation) of his worse moments to the world.

During all of these events, Chris began to have [[Biological clock|sleeping problems]]. He complained that [[ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain|he couldn’t turn off his brain when falling asleep, and that he couldn’t wake his brain when getting up in the morning]].

I decided to stick to Chris’ canon of me. I suggested he share these problems with the world! Since he was slipping on his comic schedule, anyways, I added he make more videos and other content to put out. [[Quizzes]], quizzes, and more quizzes was Chris’ response. Although, during this time he made a [[wikipedia]] page, too.

At one point, Chris told me that he detested the word "sammies" (diminutive for sandwich). He hated the word because when he took up fucking his bed pillow, he always folds it around his dick like a sandwich. The word "sammy" reminded him of this practice and it embarrassed him. [[Comeuppance|Mayo]] was not mentioned at any point…

Discussion of the [[Autism papers]] was brought up during our relationship, too. It is no secret that Chris likes to use his handicap as a crutch. I would often tell Chris that he wasn’t handicapped. but instead that he was handicapable. He had [[Son-Chu|a car]], right? And Charlottesville was his playpen to embrace and explore forever more. However, Chris insisted that his Autism was a burden. I requested to learn more about his diagnosis. If we were to have children, would our offspring be at risk for the disease? Chris did not like this term. Though, he was willing to look into the matter— of the sake of little Roberta Latrine (formerly Crystal Weston). It was quickly discovered that the papers were locked up in a hutch with the key’s constantly on Bob’s person. The subject was not touched upon again.

Eventually, he had one more chat with [[Officer Keino]]. It was revealed during this time that Chris had gone to the police because of Josh - and with Rocky. As previously stated, Chris kept mentioning going to the police, but I didn't think he’d actually do so as that would entail explaining things to his parents. Also, Bob and Barb have always been extremely afraid of the authorities. For years, Bob has burnt all troll mail they receive in a barrel in the backyard (troll gifts, however, were consumed by the family or put to use).

===The end===
Bob hid the vast majority of [[troll]] material from Barb.

The breaking point for Bob and Barb had been [[Josh]]. He had sold Chris a [[PSP]] with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb end up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agree ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering [[Jerkops|the police]]’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.

During this call, Bob told me that he and Barb were planning on going up with Chris to visit me at Boston University! Initially, Chris intended to visit alone but was concerned about visiting as my University's website featured [[niggos|an ethnically diverse student body]]. Bob and Barb decided to join and had begun saving up for the entire family's vacation.

The trip was called off because Barb discovered Chris was stealing from her purse. He had been sneaking small changed for awhile (in addition to using their credit cards on [[PSN]]), but recently it had become larger and larger amounts. I had known about the cards on PSN but Chris had told me such things “was in the past”. He did, however, stress that his parents were unaware of his five-finger-discounts. Chris’ pocket-book thievery was revealed at the police station to everyone.

Sadly, the events during this time period really got to Barb and Bob mentioned that she threatened to kill herself.

Bob continued the conversation and informed me that he would handle Josh. Bob didn’t trust the police to help because Chris was also a guilty party, and had [[Chris and the Law|previous run-ins]] (six to seven incidents, he stated). So, Bob intended to save the matter for small claims court. As for the trolls, Bob was convinced that [[Megan]] (“that CRUEL, GERMAN, girl” he dubbed her) was behind the evil doings. He revealed that the Chandlers had started getting harassed back in [[1999]] by a man named Jamie Dunn (who also tried to land Bob in the slammer). Furthermore, Bob stated that there were people in the world penning thesis’ about Chris for their degrees.

Bob no longer trusted Rocky. Bob said he'd tell Chris to stop calling me and at the same time, he requested that he use my father's clout to help catch Josh.

Although Bob was rather pushy he did back off soon after- with a heavy heart, and respectfully so. He made one final plea that I re-consider. Chris and his family required “all the help they could get”. Bob said I could trust him, that he was “as clean as they get”. Unlike Rocky, Bob never thought I was a troll. Bob and Barb had always polite to me, kind even. It was a tragedy that things had to end the way things did- that Chris still had no concept of the word “no”.

Bob asked if I wanted to speak with Chris. Bob wanted us to keep talking. At the very least, if I decided to stick to my guns, he asked if I’d say goodbye to his son. I had to decline- to go back now and hear his voice again would have been too painful…

And than [[CWC "Boyfriend"|I killed myself]].

[[Category:Ivy Saga]]

File:4rjvG.jpg

2012-08-10T14:31:55Z

ShotgunJones: an angel protecting cwcville

an angel protecting cwcville

Chris and the Internet

2012-07-20T17:49:59Z

ShotgunJones: /* Attempts to leave the Internet */

[[File:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|The proper response to a [[virgin with rage]] on the Internet.]]

The '''[[Wikipedia:Internet|Internet]]''' is a computational system that allows the transmission of data over long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown immensely since its first real conception in the [[1980s]] as a means for the military, and later [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|universities]], to communicate with each other; it is said that about 2,000,000,000<ref>http://www.internetworldstats.com/stats.htm</ref> people are connected to the Internet today.

One of those is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], the Internet's [[Basement Rosechus|battered girlfriend]] who always comes back for more.

==Understanding==
Chris seems to be aware that the Internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his [[Autism|general inability to understand others]], Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it; and if you direct a message to someone, ''only'' they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from [[Congrats, Jack Black|celebrities]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|potential employers]] to [[Ivy|Internet girlfriends]]. Most telling is [[100 2178|his 8 May 2010 rant]], which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990s.

Chris sees no problem in dropping [[Honest Content|highly sensitive information]] over his videos — including his phone number, [[14 Branchland Court|street address]], and the secret name of [[The Wallflower|the girl]] he desperately wanted to be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He doesn't understand that [[YouTube]] is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"private"]] messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the Internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the Internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally [[Chris and the Law|follow any established rules]], Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|self]]-[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|serving]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|version]] of [[Honest content|the truth]]. Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claimed that [[CWC_Blog#January_2010|it was he who had control over the site]], not [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]] who did the work of setting it up, or the [[Jack Thaddeus|advertisers]] who paid for it.

Out of fear of trolls, Chris refuses to meet people online or interact with people he knows beyond 'closed doors'. He has tried to join public forums at least [[Trollin Train|a couple]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|times]] without attaching his name to the account, but has outed himself either on his own or through his [[Chris and English|unusual and distinctive writing style]], abandoning the when he feels unsafe from his trolls.

==Fora==

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading, simple egotism or both. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim boards]], or a complaint about something in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.<ref>http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412</ref> He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the Internet.

Common sense would suggest that Chris would fare well in the Internet forums, which are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something weaboo man-children who still live with their parents. However, Chris has managed to fail here too. By appearing in the web as his usual nicknames or full names, and plastering ''Sonichu'' crap all over, he draws the attention of his trolls, and reacts predictably when they follow him. More importantly, if the trolls somehow fail to notice his new hangouts, he's quick to make enemies completely of his own accord, due to his [[ego]], selfishness, and complete disregard of rules.

==Bans==
[[File:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|left|Some people see [[duck|dicks]] everywhere on the Internet. Chris tends to see these instead.]]

As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Thanks to his screwed up conversation filter, Chris has done stupid stuff and has had stuff taken down or been banned from places. However, due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from [[deviantART]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #9 without an [[Honest content|NSFW]] tag, though he doesn't understand why — comments he left on the [[CWCipedia]] suggest that he is under the impression that his dA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=DeviantART DeviantART] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> He was also banned earlier for the uncensored version of ''Sonichu'' #8. Despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been [[The July 10th Messages|banned once]] from [[YouTube]]; however, unlike dA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned. He has also had posts moderated at [[GameFAQs]] when he attempted to solicit money for special characters in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''. When his "article" on [[Wikipedia]] deleted and his talk page there got trolled, his account was indefinitely blocked, although the blocking admin mistakenly thought that he was a sockpuppet of a troll and not the genuine article.

His most grievous ban to date involves [[Flipnote Hatena]]. Between 29 June and 2 July, Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|the same Flipnote]] removed from the site ''four times'' because of its sexual nature, with Chris thinking it was being removed by trolls instead of realizing the fact that a [[Nintendo]]-owned website wouldn't ''like'' that sort of thing being put on their site. Because of this and other Flipnotes he had uploaded and reuploaded, the mods briefly blocked Chris's DSi from uploading any further Flipnotes. When his ban expired, Chris resurfaced on the website and reuploaded all the Flipnotes that got him banned in the first place. (The entire situation wasn't helped by try-hard trolls flagging his animations in a desperate attempt to have an impact.)

One notices a pattern in all of this — Chris has a tendency to not read a website's terms of service or gain an understanding of websites he uses. When protesting his ban from Wikipedia for violating one of their numerous rules, he argued that he didn't have the time to read the pages upon pages of fine print that stipulated what constituted acceptable behavior. When faced with a similar conflict on Flipnote, he failed to get the hint that each deleted animation was violating the terms of service, even uploading a video anyone could tell was inappropriate for the PG-13 website no less than ''four times'' before his DSi was blocked from the service.

== Attempts to leave the Internet ==
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris means when he says he going to "[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|go outside and enjoy life.]]"]]

As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when [[trolls]] descend on him and [[Stress|torture]] him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the Internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling that it has its own term: "[http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Flounce flouncing]".

Of course, his PS3 is still hooked up to the internet (where he plays video games, reads game forums and logs into YouTube), so he never really leaves for good, he merely changes his outlet. When Chris talks about quitting the internet, he means ceasing video and comic production, and no longer tangling with trolls.

His [[Youtube Finale|first attempt]] to abandon the Internet was when the [[Ivy]] saga was hitting its peak; tired of [[Clyde Cash]]'s trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks before creating a new account on YouTube. His [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|second]], [[100 2188|third]], and [[100 2189|fourth attempts]] all seemed to have been directed by an [[Rocky Shoemaker|outside force]]. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the Internet, he made a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|rant about ''The Cleveland Show'']] a mere ''36 hours later''. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the Internet just ''four days'' after making his third announcement, saying that the [[Kick the Autistic|trolls have scared him from the Internet, that he is literally afraid of the Internet.]] Chris being Chris, he returned just [[June062010.MOV|one week]] after this grand proclamation. After talking about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his ''fifth'' announcement that he is leaving the Internet.

Nearly two weeks after his ''fifth'' abandonment of the Internet, he was spotted at [[Fridays After Five]] playing [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote Studio]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi. He soon discovered the pictures and videos of him on the Internet and broke his exile to post his response to it all on Flipnote Hatena the next day, saying that he wishes trolls would stop spreading his bad reputation around. This shows not only that Chris is still looking out for his Internet reputation, but that he also assumes that by telling trolls "I'm leaving the Internet forever," he expects them to stop talking about him.

This would've been easy for the trolls to do, if Chris had just [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|stopped]] [[The MovingForward videos|making]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|videos]] — especially ones [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|addressing them]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|specifically]] ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_captured_on_video|not seeking out trolls offline couldn't hurt, either]]).

On 22 [[November 2010]] Chris [[100_2357.MOV|announced that he would be leaving the Internet]] ''yet again'', and began what would become his longest time away from the Internet. For an hereto unsurpassed period of time, Chris managed to refrain from doing something that would directly attract the attention of the trolls, although he was not completely able to repress his urge to spread his ego over the tubes, and thanks to his [[PS3]] with web connection and keyboard controller, he still made [[CWC's Collector's Case Tutorial|occasional]] [[Autism Tutorial|efforts]] to make the world realize his greatness.

Despite his claims to have stopped socializing online, a new [[facebook]] account bearing a [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:CWCJuly2011.jpg previously unseen photograph of Chris] was discovered on 5 [[July 2011]], and two weeks later it was revealed that between 29 [[May 2011|May]] and 20 [[June 2011]] Chris was frequenting the forum [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] while trying (and failing) to stay anonymous. This culminated with [[Calling Out|three new videos]] released on 6 August 2011 after a 257 day YouTube hiatus.

Although unofficial, it is worth mentioning since the death of [[Bob]] in [[September 2011]], Chris has not returned to youtube since, which breaks his previous record of 257 days, as almost a whole year has passed since his last Youtube video.<ref>September 2011</ref>. Technically, this could be considered a seventh - internet abandonment (with the only exceptions being Facebook and Twitter)<ref>Facebook</ref>.

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{The Internet}}

Template:Christory/July 10

2012-07-10T13:21:03Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Christory Entry
|imagename = 458-ElPokeSiteDeRWC.JPG
|imagecaption = Ricardo Westón Chándlero dice: ¿dónde es mi tequila?
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2003]]''', Chris wrote in his guestbook again as [[Ricardo]], saying that his site "rocks".
|link = 2003 }}

{{Christory Entry Addition
|text = And in '''[[2009]]''', Chris made three videos to three YouTube users, calling them [[naïve]] and threatening to [[Death threats|kill them.]] These videos would lead to the termination of his YouTube account.
|link = CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers}}

<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:July|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Mailbag 23

2012-07-05T15:55:49Z

ShotgunJones: /* In which Chris goes nuts UNCUT */

'''Mailbag 23''' was posted to the [[CWCipedia]] on 23 [[December 2009]]. Despite [[Chris]]'s recent habit of updating almost daily, he waited up to 28 [[December 2009]] to answer this [[mailbag]].

This mailbag marks the return of Chris's willingness to actually change what other people have written to suit his personal preferences, and what is perhaps the strongest comeback of it yet. Chris heavily altered [[Mailbag 23#In which Chris goes nuts|one letter]] to the point where it was virtually unrecognizable (not to mention unreadable). He kept a copy of the original letter in the rejected mailbag. Chris also lists several magic spells that he wishes he could perform, including "Hono" (a homo eradicator) and "Come to me, my Women" (a virginity eradicator).

==Answered==
==="All of my ear" is not inherently funny===
{{Email|From: Aldof Meyer (AMeyer1950@APA.org)

Hello, Christian. I enjoy [[Sonichu]] on my days off from work. However, as a professional psychologist, I have to say your attacks on [[Asperger's Syndrome]] are rather odd. Especially the Most Terrible Cut of Meat" argument. Dr. Hans Asperger's name was Austrian, and Dr. Asperger himself was a very kind and earnest man. If his name were, say, Eselbrötchen, then I could see your offense, but, the name is arbitrary. It could have been anyone's last name, even mine! It bothers me that if the syndrome were called, say, Jackson's Syndrome it would bother you less. If you won't change your views on the disease, then, please, leave the late Dr. Asperger out of it.

With respect, Aldor Meyer, Ph.D}}
{{EmailReply|And to prove the point of misinterpretation in your direction, "Aldof Meyer" sounds like "All Of My Ear"; it writes its own punchlines.}}

===Do what you want ‘cause a pirate is free===
[[Image:Chris_the_pirate.jpg|thumb|Scourge of the seas]]
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Monkey Island (series)|Guybrush Threepwood]] (m1ghtyp1rate@lucasarts.com)

Arrr! Ahoy, Christian! I'm Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate! May I ask ye a few questions, me matey?

1. Did you ever fantasize about being a pirate?

2. What would you do if you were a pirate? What would your ship be called?

3. Imagine: you're in a vicious sword fight, and your deadly opponent shouts a painful insult: "You fight like a dairy farmer!" You obviously need to come up with a counter-insult to his insult! What would your counter-insult be?

4. You said you like to drink at parties, now and then. Would ye like to drink GROG, like a real pirate???

Fair winds to ye, matey, and make those blaggard [[trolls]] walk the plank!

Guybrush Threepwood, mighty pirate.}}
{{EmailReply|I fantasized being a pirate a bit, recently in the latest [[LittleBiGPlanet]] Content based on "Pirates of the Caribbean". My ship would be called "The [[CWC]] Route". I would say, "[[The Simpsons|Don't have a cow, man.]]" Probably. Thank you for your support.}}

===Chris the hero===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:The Fountainhead|Howard Roark]] (fountainhead3000@hotmail.com)

Hi Chris, I had a quick question about something you said in an earlier mailbag:

"As if I haven't acted enough of a Hero or crime-fighter already?"

Can you tell us more about your heroism or some crimes you've solved? The reason I'm asking is because I don't remember any times you've talked about being a hero or crime-fighting. It's nice that you're modest about that, but I'm sure your fans would love to hear about your adventures!

Sincerely,

Howard Roark}}
{{EmailReply|I would have to rethink of those stories and write them up for typing later. When I said that, I was referring originally to the adventures within the [[Comic]] Pages.}}

===PETA sucks===
{{Email|From: Sarah Mclovin <hedgeh0gluvin@live.com>
Dear CWC,

I am a big fan of your work and have been following you and your brave struggle with [[autism]] and trolls for awhile. 
Being such a big inspiration to the autistic community I wanted to know if you had heard the news that scientists have found the cause of autism.

http://www.peta.org/feat_autism.asp

As that article clearly states a direct link has been found between dairy milk and autism. It has also been shown that removal of milk from the diet of autistic children improved symptoms. I was wondering what you think of this new discovery? I for one am excited because now that we have isolated the cause of autism we can begin working on a cure.}}
{{EmailReply|The link is only a theory, and they state that they have NO Concrete Evidence to prove it fact. I feel that it is a bunch of Bologna.}}

===Family Guy Comic===
{{Email|From: [[Pokémon|garyoak]]591@gmail.com
Hey Chris! I am a fan of your Sonichu comics! They really make my day when I fell my heart-level is down. Anyways, I read the post you wrote about a [[Family Guy]] episode featuring you, Sonichu and [[Rosechu]]. It would be awesome if they did make it real and I hope they will! But I was wondering if you could make that episode into a comic so I, as well as your entire fanbase, can see how it would look like. Could you please do that? That would be awesome!
I wish you the best!
Your fan,
Toomiss Sasa}}
{{EmailReply|I have thought about that, and it will be done soon enough.}}

===High functioning murderers===
[[Image:DylanAndErick.JPG|thumb|Dudes of all teenages.]]
{{Email|From: redboomer05@gmail.com
Hello, Christian.

My name is Maria and I am a teacher at the Cantrona County High School in New Mexico. I'm writing you because two of our students are in the hospital after a terrible car accident. They love your comic book and are always talking about Sonichu. When you put up a new page, they print it out and bring it to class for everyone to share. Their names are [[Wikipedia:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Dylan and Erick]], they're both high-functioning autistic children. I'm writing this in hopes that you'll put a little "shout-out" to them in your next comic. Maybe a little sketch with a drawing of them and Sonichu giving his support? I would love to bring that page to them.

I enclosed a picture of them in case you want to help with this. I know you're a family-man and you understand how much this could mean to them. Imagine if one of the sonic artists drew you a picture when you were a kid, that would be much how they feel!

Thank you in advance,
Maria Redboomer}}
{{EmailReply|I have recently gave a shout-out to them both in a [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|video]] on my [[YouTube]]. I hope they are doing better. Thank you for letting me know so I can show my support for their benefit. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Sonichu and Rosechu watch Family Guy for their children's benefit===
{{Email|From: hurdygurdy@doglover.com
Dear Chris,

As a mother I am appalled that Sonichu lets his children watch Family Guy. Family Guy regularly contains swearing, references to drugs, frequent violence and smutty humour. It is not suitable for any child under the age of 15. How can Sonichu justify letting children under the age of 5 watch this show?

The fact that one of the children repeats a rude, insulting joke about the Virgin Mary having sex shows that it's a bad influence on them. Children should not be saying those sorts of things, especially when they are too young to understand them.

It doesn't matter that Sonichu and Rosechu watch the show with them. When a crass joke is made, is it Sonichu or Rosechu who explain what [[Chris and sex|sex]], [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|incest]], [[Pedofork|pedophilia]] or [[Mass Debating|masturbation]] are

Sonichu and Rosechu are bad parents and their children must be taken into care immeadiately.}}
{{EmailReply|You are taking this out of proportion. Letting children watch the show WITH Parental Supervision; the PARENTS are responsible to point out the differences between comedy, parody, fact, fiction, and how they feel about each topic as well as what is currently happening with that. Sonichu and Rosechu HAVE BEEN DOING ALL of that, and it is for the children's benefit.}}

===Chris on fornication===
{{Email|From: Daniel Silva <svenporks@yahoo.com>
G'day Chris, Dan here.

My girlfriend doesn't want to have sex. She is a Catholic and I am a [[Methodist]]. However, she quotes numerous passage in the bible that specifically forbid ANY sort of sexual activity before marriage (including oral, anal). Some she quotes are 1 Corinthians 7:2, 10:8, Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, and many more. Even 2 Corinthians 12:21 states "I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged." As a devout Christian, she has convinced me that ANY sexual activity before marriage is against God's will. However, I still want her, so I need a second opinion. Is it okay to have sex before marriage? And if it is, what does God think about it?}}
{{EmailReply|[[God and Jesus]] wants us to live our lives where we each feel comfortable, happy and at peace as we individually see fit without regret. I feel sex before marriage is good; it establishes that link in the relationship which establishes that this mate makes me feel most comfortable, happy and satisfied in sexual intercourse.

And, NOT to promote such, but most people would have done it with multiple partners beforehand anyway, and those people have it good, because they have the benefit of understanding and appreciating good sexual intercourse from the bad.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===[[Attraction location]]s===
{{Email|From: cjnorthlondon@yahoo.co.uk
Hi Chris

I'm a virgin and I'm so alone. Let me explain my situation further.

I've waited twenty years, seven months and twenty-seven days, yet I've never had no-one ever. There's a club where I like to go ... so I go and stand on my own, and I leave on my own and I go home and I cry and I want to die. [[Wikipedia:How Soon is Now?|I am human and I need to be loved - just like everybody else does]]. I've seen this happen in other people's lives, and now it's happening in mine. [[Wikipedia:This Charming Man|Will nature make a man of me yet?]]

As a frustrated virgin yourself, what advice can you give for coping with such misery?

[[Wikipedia:Morrissey|Steven Patrick Morrissey]]}}
{{EmailReply|Have you TALKED TO THE WOMEN while you were at the club at all? You will not get anywhere without at least starting small-talk with WOMEN. I highly recommend continuing going out, and TALK TO THE WOMEN; even those who are already taken can help hook you up with SINGLE WOMEN they know. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===In which Chris honestly thinks he's in contact with Seth MacFarlane===
{{Email|From: Michael Boharsik <mboharsik@gmail.com>
Dear Mr. Chandler,

My name is Michael and I have been following your video blogs for some months now and I must say that I am impressed by your artistic abilities. Have you tried contacting Seth MacFarlane (which is how you spell his named) directly about cooperating on an animation project? I'd love to see some CWC and Sonichu action in a/many Family Guy episode(s). Please keep us updated on any developments in this matter.

God bless you and have mercy}}
{{EmailReply|Communications have been started, and developments will be posted on the [[Cwcipedia]] as they come up.}}

===Basic language===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Mega Man (original series)|Thomas Light]] <robotmaster18@yahoo.com>
Dear Christian Weston Chandler,

I have enjoyed your comics since the very beginning, Mr. Chandler, and I have to say that I've received endless entertainment from them and from everything related to Sonichu and its creator. I have been reading, and quite enjoying, your Christmas Special that is [[issue 11]], but I have a question though. How come Sonichu and Rosechu's Sonee and Rosey children speak in nearly fluent english, when the [[Chaotic Combo]] only could speak their names, like normal [[pokemon]]. Why is that? I mean the Chaotic Combo hatched from eggs, just like [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie, Cera, and Christine]]?}}
{{EmailReply|Robbie, Cera and Christine got to learn to speak fluently from their Parents who Speak it well too. After hatching, those three Started out only saying "[[Sonee]]" and "[[Rosey]]"; relatively, most of the Chaotic Combo members did not have English-Speaking guardians, so they could ONLY learn to speak English AFTER growing up to be Sonichus and Rosechus. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===In which Chris goes nuts===
''Chris altered this letter a great deal, then placed an unaltered copy in the rejected mailbag. His additions have been marked with italics.''

{{Email|From: thespekkio@hotmail.com

Dear Mr. Chandler,

I'm not really a fan, but recently I've become very familiar with your work. You see, I am a [[homos]]sexual.
For months I have been trying to come out of the closet, but my father is really conservative, and not wanting to disappoint him rendered me depressed.
Talking to my therapist, she said you too strugled with your sexuality for a long time, '''''AND SHE IS IN ERROR''''' in
'''''[[Ruckersville]]''''' [[Virginia]]. If you could answer me this questions, it would mean a lot to me:

1-''Why are'' you ''Straight''? '''''BECAUSE IT IS NATURAL TO ME AS A STRAIGHT PERSON.''''' 
2-How did it feel? '''''IT FEELS RIGHT AND TERRIFIC BEING STRAIGHT.''''' 
3-Did your father ''appreciate'' you ''being straight''? '''''YES, AND SO DOES MY MOTHER AND ALL OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.''''' 
4-And how about your mother? '''''SEE THE LAST QUESTION'S ANSWER.'''''

Thank you Mr. Chandler.
Ray Garrity

P.S. - About Sonichu: I love it. The whole ''straight'' subtext in parodying the suggar-filled, merchandise driven world of childrens comic is brilliant. The way
you portray the ''True-Love-Filled marriage'' is pure genius. I hope in the end he ''never gets divorced''.

P.P.S.- Also, the gay rights ads: Thank you for using your talent and fame for ''killing the cause''. Soon we are going to be able to ''become Striaght, Find Our Women, get married, and NOT go to Hell''!}}
{{EmailReply|'''I AM STRAIGHT.''' I was NEVER a Homosexual; THOSE ARE ALL FALSE RUMORS FROM THE GOD DAMN TROLLS AND SUCH DAMN MISLABELING PEOPLE. The ONLY closet I came out was the '''Autistic Closet'''. SHUT THE F*** UP!!! ALL OF MY SONICHUS AND ROSECHUS ARE STRAIGHT!!! I DO NOT CARE FOR YOUR COMMENTS OF MISLABELINGS!!!

AND the Ads that tell you otherwise that have been plauging the Cwcipedia lately ARE NOT CANNON TO ME OR MY WORKS WHATSOEVER.

And TELL YOUR THERAPIST that SHE IS IN ERROR ABOUT ME; SHE IS SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)

The uncorrected version of his letter is in the '''Rejected Mailbag'''.}}

===It is likely Chris has forgotten that Mr. Bobson wants him to upload his report cards===
{{Email|From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com>
Chris, the longer you sit on this, the more ground the trolls gain.

This is the kind of problem that gets worse if you ignore it.

Do you want Sonichu to be forever known as "that comic made by that egotistical [[retard]]", as some of the trolls are saying?

I don't see why, as the way to stop it is as simple as uploading scans of a few papers. That way all of them will be discredited. Don't you want the trolling to be permanently weakened?

Some fans are already being mocked in real life because of the trolls. You've got to stop this issue now or else the fans will begin to think the trolls are right about you as well.}}
{{EmailReply|I am not ignoring it; I am doing what I can against the Trolls.}}

===More falsehood===
{{Email|From: Seth Sethson <totallyfine2@gmail.com>
Out of curiosity, when do you plan to answer the letters in "Let Me Get Back To You On That"?

I mean, you reply to the letters in the Rejected Mailbag, so why not?}}
{{EmailReply|Those letters will be replied to soon.}}

===Chris and the dark arts===
[[Image:ComeToMeSpell.jpg|thumb|right|Even if he was magical he still wouldn't be able to get any [[China|china]].]]
{{Email|From: nasugrave@mail.com
Dear Mr. Chandler,

As a long time reader of Sonichu, I have a question I would like to ask. If you had the ability to use magic, what would your top 5 spells be and what would be their names? When you answer it, I would love it if you did it in this format 1), 2), 3), etc. with 1 being the weakest. Also, what spell would you use to counter other spells? Thank you for reading this!

Your friend
- [[Wikipedia: Puyo Puyo|Nasu Grave]]!}}
{{EmailReply|1) "[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Chris on bisexuals===
{{Email|From: metricinchworm69@aim.com
Firstly, I'd like to wish you a merry Christmas, Mr. Chandler. Secondly, I'd like some advice. I am a guy, and I hang out with my best friend, who is also a guy and very religious, pretty frequently. A few days ago, we got into an argument over gay rights. I believed that people should have the freedom to pick who they want to be with and shouldn't have anyone else tell them otherwise, he said that homosexuality is a sin, and that it's satan's way of tempting people. At that point, I told him that he shouldn't be condemning something he doesn't understand. I was wrong. He confessed to me that he was attracted to guys AND girls. He kept it a huge secret, and he believes that it's just the devil tempting him. That's why he hates gays so much, because he's one, too, and he's not comfortable with it. What should I do? Should I hang out with him less? Should I tell him that God made him that way and that he should embrace it? He's never been very successful with girls, so I just don't know what to do...}}
{{EmailReply|You, sir, should ACCEPT HIM for his choices and decisions. I agree with him TO THE FULLEST. DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM TOWARDS the damn homosexual lifestyle anymore. You may continue being his friend, BUT NOTHING FURTHER.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:56, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===In which Chris endorses concentration camps===
{{Email|From: Ohni Pasilius <ohnipasilius@gmail.com>
Hi Chris! Thank you for your kind reply to my previous mail regarding homos.
I was surprised that you were against exterminating them, as that would be the most cost effective way to get rid of them. However, I have came up with another idea, wich you might like. All homos could be put into strictly controlled camps, where they could be used as free labor in such places as mines etc. Hard working would surely make them forget their DISGUSTING lifestyle. [[Wikipedia:Arbeit macht frei|Arbeicht macht frei]], as the saying goes.

Would you consider using this method in CWCville, if scientists fail to cure homos using your blood?}}
{{EmailReply|Straight Camps to reprogram their minds are encouraged; BUT forcing them into slave labor is not only Wrong, but Illegal.}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===In which Chris goes nuts UNCUT===
{{Email|From: thespekkio@hotmail.com
Dear Mr. Chandler,

I'm not really a fan, but recently I've become very familiar with your work. You see, I am a homossexual.
For months I have been trying to come out of the closet, but my father is really conservative, and not wanting to disappoint him rendered me depressed. 
Talking to my therapist, she said you too strugled with your sexuality for a long time, but you managed to come out of your closet (even being Autistic!) in
Redneck Virginia. If you could answer me this questions, it would mean a lot to me:

1-When did you realised you were a homosexual? 
2-How did it feel? 
3-Did your father took it well when you came out of the closet? 
4-And how about your mother?

Thank you Mr. Chandler.
Ray Garrity

P.S. - About Sonichu: I love it. The whole homosexual subtext in parodying the suggar-filled, merchandise driven world of childrens comic is brilliant. The way you portray the protagonist as a self hating homo trapped into a marriage so that he doesn't give in to his desires is pure genius. I hope in the end he ends up
with [[Magi-chan]]. The whole "Opposites Atract" has been done ad nauseum, so I don't want the Sonichu-[[Blake]] ending that most of your fanbase expects. 
P.P.S.- Also, the gay rights ads: Thank you for using your talent and fame for keeping the cause alive. Soon we are going to be able to get married EVERYWHERE!}}
{{EmailReply|'''I AM STRAIGHT.''' I was NEVER a Homosexual; THOSE ARE ALL FALSE RUMORS FROM THE GOD DAMN TROLLS AND SUCH DAMN MISLABELING PEOPLE. The ONLY closet I came out was the '''Autistic Closet'''. SHUT THE F*** UP!!! ALL OF MY SONICHUS AND ROSECHUS ARE STRAIGHT!!! I DO NOT CARE FOR YOUR COMMENTS OF MISLABELINGS!!!

AND the Ads that tell you otherwise that have been plauging the Cwcipedia lately ARE NOT CANNON TO ME OR MY WORKS WHATSOEVER.

And TELL YOUR THERAPIST that SHE IS IN ERROR ABOUT ME; SHE IS SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:30, 29 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Chris the sociopath===
{{Email|From: Sean Watley <seanawatley@gmail.com>
Chris,

How are you dealing with the recent heavy snowfall? Since you have many symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder (which you can read all about on [[Wikipedia]]) like lack of empathy and remorse, lack of any realistic future goals, criminal behavior (like stealing your parents credit cards to buy [[video games]]), an inability to keep jobs, an inability to keep friends and maintain relationships, Narcissism, your persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social rules, obligations, and norms, and cruelty to animals (remember that snake you intentionally ran over this summer?) I hope you don't chop up your family in a fit of rage or anything.

You shouldn't hold your cat [[20 December 2009|like that]] either, she doesn't sound like she wants to be picked up.

Oh, and why are you advising people to date women that remind them of their moms? That's pretty sick.

Happy Holidays,

Sean August Watley}}

{{Mailbag}}

Talk:KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special

2012-05-07T03:39:15Z

ShotgunJones:

Talk:KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special

2012-05-07T03:38:36Z

ShotgunJones:

Template:Da update

2012-04-03T01:57:39Z

ShotgunJones:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*31 March: Chris posts [[Facebook#Shooting_Myself_in_the_Foot|two new notes on Facebook]].
*24 [[February 2012|February]]: [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] releases a grand number of [[Tomgirl]] videos aimed at [[Jackie]], who is apparently back in contact with Chris: [[The Red-Maned Deer]], [[Cakefarts]], [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]], [[You're Always Pretty]] (a wild Snorlax appears!), [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]], [[Who's Your Brony?]], [[Forgot the Glitter‎]], [[Teenage Dream]] and [[Cheerleader]].
*24 [[February 2012|February]]: Chris [[Birthday|becomes]] the 30-Year-Old [[Virgin]]. He gets a [[PlayStation Vita]] and hundreds of dollars' worth of games.
*17 [[February 2012|February]]: [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|CWCville helps]]; Chris plans to raise money for charity by opening a lemonade stand.
*12 [[February 2012|February]]: Chris' [[Facebook|status updates]] are leaked.
*13 [[January 2012|January]]: A [[Sega]] [[Chris_in_the_media#Sega_Acknowledges_Sonichu|"Free Stuff Friday" video]] references [[Sonichu]].
*5 [[January 2012|January]]: Chris and Barbara appear at [[28 October 2011|another hearing]] in connection to their attack on [[the GAMe PLACe]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2012-04-03T01:56:42Z

ShotgunJones:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*2 April 2012: Chris posts [[Facebook#Shooting_Myself_in_the_Foot|two new notes on Facebook]].
*24 [[February 2012|February]]: [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] releases a grand number of [[Tomgirl]] videos aimed at [[Jackie]], who is apparently back in contact with Chris: [[The Red-Maned Deer]], [[Cakefarts]], [[Chris and Jackie's Date‎]], [[You're Always Pretty]] (a wild Snorlax appears!), [[Little Tomboy Blue‎]], [[Who's Your Brony?]], [[Forgot the Glitter‎]], [[Teenage Dream]] and [[Cheerleader]].
*24 [[February 2012|February]]: Chris [[Birthday|becomes]] the 30-Year-Old [[Virgin]]. He gets a [[PlayStation Vita]] and hundreds of dollars' worth of games.
*17 [[February 2012|February]]: [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|CWCville helps]]; Chris plans to raise money for charity by opening a lemonade stand.
*12 [[February 2012|February]]: Chris' [[Facebook|status updates]] are leaked.
*13 [[January 2012|January]]: A [[Sega]] [[Chris_in_the_media#Sega_Acknowledges_Sonichu|"Free Stuff Friday" video]] references [[Sonichu]].
*5 [[January 2012|January]]: Chris and Barbara appear at [[28 October 2011|another hearing]] in connection to their attack on [[the GAMe PLACe]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Facebook

2012-04-02T20:35:47Z

ShotgunJones:

[[Image:Facebook.jpg|center|300px]]
[[Image:cwc666.PNG|thumb|His friends list has hit the number of [[Clyde Cash|the Beast]].]]
'''Facebook''' is [[Chris]]'s other means of communication aside from [[MySpace]] on his [[Love Quest]]. While often looked over, his correspondence with these [[Trolls|e-women]] reveals that even on the Internet, he manages to convey that he is a fat [[autism|autistic]].

On 31 May 2009, Chris's Facebook was hacked, revealing notes and messages to [[boyfriend-free girls]] in the area in hopes of them becoming his [[sweetheart]]. He failed horribly of course, and [[the Miscreants]] showed us how hard.

Events in 2010 turned Chris firmly against the website. He blamed it in part for his breakup with [[the Wallflower]], and in November had some harsh words and gestures for it while announcing his [[100 2357.MOV|departure from the Internet]].

Sometime in mid 2011, his Facebook account was removed from the site. On 5 [[July 2011]], a new Facebook was discovered with a new picture of Chris. Two days later, his profile was deactivated.

On 02 [[January 2012]], Chris re-opened his Facebook account and uses it as his personal [[Attraction Sign|attraction sign]].

By 14 February 2012, Chris had turned his Facebook account to private and unfindable unless you were already a "friend".

==Notes From The Man Himself==

===I am a good man===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 5:57pm
 
There are some cyber bullies who have taken my words and feelings out of context, and twisted them into meaningless mockery.
 
Please do not believe those terrible rumors; I am a good man who needs a female sweetheart to soothe my pains from loneliness, stress of social influences, and heart-aches.

Please help me, so I can help you one day.
</blockquote>

===The Common Question, "Do I know you?"===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 9:49pm
 
When a person asks you, "Do I know you?", it brings up a greater answer. "I'm not a mind-reader, so I can't tell you how well you know me."
The question is dumb in itself; no one is able to answer it. Because no one can read their mind and answer it with full confidence.
</blockquote>

===Man I am SOOO SHY. "How Shy are you?" I am SOOO SHY, that...===
<blockquote>
Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 4:48pm
 
Today, Jan. 24, 2008, I was at the Alderman Library. I was playing Sudoku on my PSP, and I was listening in on this conversation between a couple of cute ladies just to my right. I've enjoyed just listening to them talk about their things; I will not devulge any details, because I am the man who will keep a secret (Plus, I don't know ALL the details). Anyway, after one of the two left, the gal that stayed sittin' next to me, talked on her cell in what sounded like Dutch or German. IT WAS THE PERFECT OPENING for a conversation towards making a new gal-pal. I had it in my head, "Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear your chat on your phone, but was that Dutch or German you were speaking?" I HAD THE NERVE SET UP, I was raring to say it, but when I started to say it, the tension and my shyness and my autism choked me, literally; I couldn't even open my mouth to say anything. And she left. I am kicking myself now.
 
Anyway, THAT IS HOW SHY I AM; I am so shy, that I JUST FREEZE OR CHOKE upon starting to talk to a new girl I don't know yet.
</blockquote>

===What I am looking for in a woman===
<blockquote>
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 1:23am
 
**Must Meet In-Person First and Upfront (NO Online/Phone/Mail Contact Acceptable beforehand. Must be Referred to me by my Real Friend(s) or Family).

-21 to 29-years old 
-Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, or HOT 
-Education: High School Graduate and/or Better 
-NOT A Smoker 
-Carefree/Light-Hearted 
-Moderate to Very Intelligent/Smart (Not Ditzy) 
-Talkative/Outgoing/Not Shy/Good Self-Esteem 
-Slim to Average body type (under 170 lbs) 
-Between 4 feet, 10 inches and 5 feet 10 inches 
-Brunette or Blonde hair 
-B-Cup size minimum 
-Clean 
-Casual 
-Not Crazy or Abusive 
-Make-Up Optional 
-Well-Informed to Expert in sex
 
</blockquote>

===Unsolicited Friend Requests===
<blockquote>
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:27pm
 
'''Unsolicited Friend Requests WILL BE DENIED AND DELETED,''' ESPECIALLY from ALL People I have '''NOT met IN PERSON, FACE-TO-FACE, Beforehand.'''
</blockquote>

===Shooting Myself in the Foot===
<blockquote>
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 1:34pm
 
I have often "shot myself in the foot" with great mistakes, including and especially, all of the mistakes I've made from letting myself be Blackmailed, Tricked, Deceived, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by immature individuals who hide behind the veil of the internet to create hate-filled slanders of my once good name; those people are nothing more than privacy-invading, gum-gabbing, gossip columnists, working for a gravely corrupted, should-be-fired-for-good "editor in chief".
</blockquote>

===An Open Note===
<blockquote>
Sunday, April 1, 2012 at 11:12pm
 
I want to make something very clear to everyone on the internet. The hatred against me for the sake of hatred is unjustifiable, and totally uncalled for. You People Do Not Really give a damn about what happens to me. The ONLY person in this world who knows me most and Truly cares about me is my mother. The Real Friends I have made throughout my lifetime In Person, FREE From the internet, have had the opportunity to know me for who I Truly Am, a Caring, Compassionate, all-around Good Person. Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned Coldest Shoulder Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred. And the rest of you who have Not Met Me AT ALL and INSIST of friending me online; DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE? NO, I do Not, and I do not think I will EVER want to meet the Vast Majority of you, because you all ONLY want to add further to the Gabby Gossip Column full of hatred and uncaring content.
 
The ONLY person I have in the world who Cares about me the most is my mother, Barbara, and outside of this house, I do not really have that many people to ANY person who Cares about me at all, even my relatives. NOBODY cares what happens to me and my mother. To the Majority of you, I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares, and may God have mercy on your souls.
 
You Do Not Really Care About Me, Christian Weston Chandler.
</blockquote>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cwcfacebook1.jpg|Wall
Image:Cwcfacebook2.jpg|Profile, part 1
Image:Cwcfacebook3.jpg|Profile, part 2
Image:Cwcfacebook4.jpg|Profile, part 3
Image:Cwcfacebook5.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook6.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook7.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook8.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook9.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook10.jpg
Image:Christina1.jpg|17-year-old Christina 1
Image:Christina2.jpg|17-year-old Christina 2
Image:Christina3.jpg|17-year-old Christina 3
Image:Cwcfacebook11.jpg|Chris rejects a single mom. The ironic thing is that this woman was the only one vaguely interested in meeting up with Chris.
Image:Cwcfacebook12.jpg|"Do I know you?" 1
Image:Cwcfacebook13.jpg|"Do I know you?" 2
Image:Cwcfacebook14.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook15.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook16.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook17.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook18.jpg
Image:Chrisfacebook2011.png| A screencap of Chris's page from [[July 2011]].
File:Chris's Jan 23rd 2012 profile pic.png | Chris's page in [[2012]].
File:Christran2.jpg | Another facebook profile picture in 2012. Note that it is in the same place as the previous profile picture except Chris is smiling in this one.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_pic_as_of_2-2-12_at_10.58.51_AM.png | Chris's Profile as of Feb 2012
File:Cwcfacebook.png|Chris, now with head band.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_and_Note_as_of_02-06-12_at_1.01.29_AM.png| New note about friend requests
File:Chfb1.png| February leak part 1
File:Chfb2.png| February leak part 2
File:Chfb3.png| February leak part 3
File:Chfb4.png| February leak part 4
File:Fbnote1.PNG|Facebook public note 1 (31 March 2012)
File:Fbnote2.PNG|Facebook public note 2 (id.)
File:Cwc3.png|[[Megan]] speaks the truth...
File:Cwc4.png|...and, surprise, agrees with [[Jackie]].

</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Facebook messages]]
*[[Facebook statuses]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?imfjwnjrzi0 Notes]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?20mnnd1juu5 Status]
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002534669114 His new Facebook profile]

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Facebook

2012-04-02T20:34:53Z

ShotgunJones:

[[Image:Facebook.jpg|center|300px]]
[[Image:cwc666.PNG|thumb|His friends list has hit the number of [[Clyde Cash|the Beast]].]]
'''Facebook''' is [[Chris]]'s other means of communication aside from [[MySpace]] on his [[Love Quest]]. While often looked over, his correspondence with these [[Trolls|e-women]] reveals that even on the Internet, he manages to convey that he is a fat [[autism|autistic]].

On 31 May 2009, Chris's Facebook was hacked, revealing notes and messages to [[boyfriend-free girls]] in the area in hopes of them becoming his [[sweetheart]]. He failed horribly of course, and [[the Miscreants]] showed us how hard.

Events in 2010 turned Chris firmly against the website. He blamed it in part for his breakup with [[the Wallflower]], and in November had some harsh words and gestures for it while announcing his [[100 2357.MOV|departure from the Internet]].

Sometime in mid 2011, his Facebook account was removed from the site. On 5 [[July 2011]], a new Facebook was discovered with a new picture of Chris. Two days later, his profile was deactivated.

On 02 [[January 2012]], Chris re-opened his Facebook account and uses it as his personal [[Attraction Sign|attraction sign]].

By 14 February 2012, Chris had turned his Facebook account to private and unfindable unless you were already a "friend".

==Notes From The Man Himself==

===I am a good man===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 5:57pm
 
There are some cyber bullies who have taken my words and feelings out of context, and twisted them into meaningless mockery.
 
Please do not believe those terrible rumors; I am a good man who needs a female sweetheart to soothe my pains from loneliness, stress of social influences, and heart-aches.

Please help me, so I can help you one day.
</blockquote>

===The Common Question, "Do I know you?"===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 9:49pm
 
When a person asks you, "Do I know you?", it brings up a greater answer. "I'm not a mind-reader, so I can't tell you how well you know me."
The question is dumb in itself; no one is able to answer it. Because no one can read their mind and answer it with full confidence.
</blockquote>

===Man I am SOOO SHY. "How Shy are you?" I am SOOO SHY, that...===
<blockquote>
Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 4:48pm
 
Today, Jan. 24, 2008, I was at the Alderman Library. I was playing Sudoku on my PSP, and I was listening in on this conversation between a couple of cute ladies just to my right. I've enjoyed just listening to them talk about their things; I will not devulge any details, because I am the man who will keep a secret (Plus, I don't know ALL the details). Anyway, after one of the two left, the gal that stayed sittin' next to me, talked on her cell in what sounded like Dutch or German. IT WAS THE PERFECT OPENING for a conversation towards making a new gal-pal. I had it in my head, "Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear your chat on your phone, but was that Dutch or German you were speaking?" I HAD THE NERVE SET UP, I was raring to say it, but when I started to say it, the tension and my shyness and my autism choked me, literally; I couldn't even open my mouth to say anything. And she left. I am kicking myself now.
 
Anyway, THAT IS HOW SHY I AM; I am so shy, that I JUST FREEZE OR CHOKE upon starting to talk to a new girl I don't know yet.
</blockquote>

===What I am looking for in a woman===
<blockquote>
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 1:23am
 
**Must Meet In-Person First and Upfront (NO Online/Phone/Mail Contact Acceptable beforehand. Must be Referred to me by my Real Friend(s) or Family).

-21 to 29-years old 
-Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, or HOT 
-Education: High School Graduate and/or Better 
-NOT A Smoker 
-Carefree/Light-Hearted 
-Moderate to Very Intelligent/Smart (Not Ditzy) 
-Talkative/Outgoing/Not Shy/Good Self-Esteem 
-Slim to Average body type (under 170 lbs) 
-Between 4 feet, 10 inches and 5 feet 10 inches 
-Brunette or Blonde hair 
-B-Cup size minimum 
-Clean 
-Casual 
-Not Crazy or Abusive 
-Make-Up Optional 
-Well-Informed to Expert in sex
 
</blockquote>

===Unsolicited Friend Requests===
<blockquote>
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:27pm
 
'''Unsolicited Friend Requests WILL BE DENIED AND DELETED,''' ESPECIALLY from ALL People I have '''NOT met IN PERSON, FACE-TO-FACE, Beforehand.'''
</blockquote>

===Shooting Myself in the Foot===
<blockquote>
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 1:34pm
 
I have often "shot myself in the foot" with great mistakes, including and especially, all of the mistakes I've made from letting myself be Blackmailed, Tricked, Deceived, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by immature individuals who hide behind the veil of the internet to create hate-filled slanders of my once good name; those people are nothing more than privacy-invading, gum-gabbing, gossip columnists, working for a gravely corrupted, should-be-fired-for-good "editor in chief".
</blockquote>

===An Open Note===
<blockquote>
Sunday, April 1, 2012 at 11:12pm
 
I want to make something very clear to everyone on the internet. The hatred against me for the sake of hatred is unjustifiable, and totally uncalled for. You People Do Not Really give a damn about what happens to me. The ONLY person in this world who knows me most and Truly cares about me is my mother. The Real Friends I have made throughout my lifetime In Person, FREE From the internet, have had the opportunity to know me for who I Truly Am, a Caring, Compassionate, all-around Good Person. Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned Coldest Shoulder Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred. And the rest of you who have Not Met Me AT ALL and INSIST of friending me online; DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE? NO, I do Not, and I do not think I will EVER want to meet the Vast Majority of you, because you all ONLY want to add further to the Gabby Gossip Column full of hatred and uncaring content.
 
The ONLY person I have in the world who Cares about me the most is my mother, Barbara, and outside of this house, I do not really have that many people to ANY person who Cares about me at all, even my relatives. NOBODY cares what happens to me and my mother. To the Majority of you, I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares, and may God have mercy on your souls.
 
You Do Not Really Care About Me, Christian Weston Chandler.
</blockquote>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cwcfacebook1.jpg|Wall
Image:Cwcfacebook2.jpg|Profile, part 1
Image:Cwcfacebook3.jpg|Profile, part 2
Image:Cwcfacebook4.jpg|Profile, part 3
Image:Cwcfacebook5.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook6.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook7.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook8.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook9.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook10.jpg
Image:Christina1.jpg|17-year-old Christina 1
Image:Christina2.jpg|17-year-old Christina 2
Image:Christina3.jpg|17-year-old Christina 3
Image:Cwcfacebook11.jpg|Chris rejects a single mom. The ironic thing is that this woman was the only one vaguely interested in meeting up with Chris.
Image:Cwcfacebook12.jpg|"Do I know you?" 1
Image:Cwcfacebook13.jpg|"Do I know you?" 2
Image:Cwcfacebook14.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook15.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook16.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook17.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook18.jpg
Image:Chrisfacebook2011.png| A screencap of Chris's page from [[July 2011]].
File:Chris's Jan 23rd 2012 profile pic.png | Chris's page in [[2012]].
File:Christran2.jpg | Another facebook profile picture in 2012. Note that it is in the same place as the previous profile picture except Chris is smiling in this one.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_pic_as_of_2-2-12_at_10.58.51_AM.png | Chris's Profile as of Feb 2012
File:Cwcfacebook.png|Chris, now with head band.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_and_Note_as_of_02-06-12_at_1.01.29_AM.png| New note about friend requests
File:Chfb1.png| February leak part 1
File:Chfb2.png| February leak part 2
File:Chfb3.png| February leak part 3
File:Chfb4.png| February leak part 4
File:Fbnote1.PNG|Facebook public note 1 (31 March 2012)
File:Fbnote2.PNG|Facebook public note 2 (id.)
File:Cwc3.png|[[Megan]] speaks...
File:Cwc4.png|...and, surprise, agrees with [[Jackie]].

</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Facebook messages]]
*[[Facebook statuses]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?imfjwnjrzi0 Notes]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?20mnnd1juu5 Status]
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002534669114 His new Facebook profile]

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Facebook

2012-04-02T20:34:16Z

ShotgunJones:

[[Image:Facebook.jpg|center|300px]]
[[Image:cwc666.PNG|thumb|His friends list has hit the number of [[Clyde Cash|the Beast]].]]
'''Facebook''' is [[Chris]]'s other means of communication aside from [[MySpace]] on his [[Love Quest]]. While often looked over, his correspondence with these [[Trolls|e-women]] reveals that even on the Internet, he manages to convey that he is a fat [[autism|autistic]].

On 31 May 2009, Chris's Facebook was hacked, revealing notes and messages to [[boyfriend-free girls]] in the area in hopes of them becoming his [[sweetheart]]. He failed horribly of course, and [[the Miscreants]] showed us how hard.

Events in 2010 turned Chris firmly against the website. He blamed it in part for his breakup with [[the Wallflower]], and in November had some harsh words and gestures for it while announcing his [[100 2357.MOV|departure from the Internet]].

Sometime in mid 2011, his Facebook account was removed from the site. On 5 [[July 2011]], a new Facebook was discovered with a new picture of Chris. Two days later, his profile was deactivated.

On 02 [[January 2012]], Chris re-opened his Facebook account and uses it as his personal [[Attraction Sign|attraction sign]].

By 14 February 2012, Chris had turned his Facebook account to private and unfindable unless you were already a "friend".

==Notes From The Man Himself==

===I am a good man===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 5:57pm
 
There are some cyber bullies who have taken my words and feelings out of context, and twisted them into meaningless mockery.
 
Please do not believe those terrible rumors; I am a good man who needs a female sweetheart to soothe my pains from loneliness, stress of social influences, and heart-aches.

Please help me, so I can help you one day.
</blockquote>

===The Common Question, "Do I know you?"===
<blockquote>
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 9:49pm
 
When a person asks you, "Do I know you?", it brings up a greater answer. "I'm not a mind-reader, so I can't tell you how well you know me."
The question is dumb in itself; no one is able to answer it. Because no one can read their mind and answer it with full confidence.
</blockquote>

===Man I am SOOO SHY. "How Shy are you?" I am SOOO SHY, that...===
<blockquote>
Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 4:48pm
 
Today, Jan. 24, 2008, I was at the Alderman Library. I was playing Sudoku on my PSP, and I was listening in on this conversation between a couple of cute ladies just to my right. I've enjoyed just listening to them talk about their things; I will not devulge any details, because I am the man who will keep a secret (Plus, I don't know ALL the details). Anyway, after one of the two left, the gal that stayed sittin' next to me, talked on her cell in what sounded like Dutch or German. IT WAS THE PERFECT OPENING for a conversation towards making a new gal-pal. I had it in my head, "Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear your chat on your phone, but was that Dutch or German you were speaking?" I HAD THE NERVE SET UP, I was raring to say it, but when I started to say it, the tension and my shyness and my autism choked me, literally; I couldn't even open my mouth to say anything. And she left. I am kicking myself now.
 
Anyway, THAT IS HOW SHY I AM; I am so shy, that I JUST FREEZE OR CHOKE upon starting to talk to a new girl I don't know yet.
</blockquote>

===What I am looking for in a woman===
<blockquote>
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 1:23am
 
**Must Meet In-Person First and Upfront (NO Online/Phone/Mail Contact Acceptable beforehand. Must be Referred to me by my Real Friend(s) or Family).

-21 to 29-years old 
-Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, or HOT 
-Education: High School Graduate and/or Better 
-NOT A Smoker 
-Carefree/Light-Hearted 
-Moderate to Very Intelligent/Smart (Not Ditzy) 
-Talkative/Outgoing/Not Shy/Good Self-Esteem 
-Slim to Average body type (under 170 lbs) 
-Between 4 feet, 10 inches and 5 feet 10 inches 
-Brunette or Blonde hair 
-B-Cup size minimum 
-Clean 
-Casual 
-Not Crazy or Abusive 
-Make-Up Optional 
-Well-Informed to Expert in sex
 
</blockquote>

===Unsolicited Friend Requests===
<blockquote>
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:27pm
 
'''Unsolicited Friend Requests WILL BE DENIED AND DELETED,''' ESPECIALLY from ALL People I have '''NOT met IN PERSON, FACE-TO-FACE, Beforehand.'''
</blockquote>

===Shooting Myself in the Foot===
<blockquote>
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 1:34pm
 
I have often "shot myself in the foot" with great mistakes, including and especially, all of the mistakes I've made from letting myself be Blackmailed, Tricked, Deceived, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by immature individuals who hide behind the veil of the internet to create hate-filled slanders of my once good name; those people are nothing more than privacy-invading, gum-gabbing, gossip columnists, working for a gravely corrupted, should-be-fired-for-good "editor in chief".
</blockquote>

===An Open Note===
<blockquote>
Sunday, April 1, 2012 at 11:12pm
 
I want to make something very clear to everyone on the internet. The hatred against me for the sake of hatred is unjustifiable, and totally uncalled for. You People Do Not Really give a damn about what happens to me. The ONLY person in this world who knows me most and Truly cares about me is my mother. The Real Friends I have made throughout my lifetime In Person, FREE From the internet, have had the opportunity to know me for who I Truly Am, a Caring, Compassionate, all-around Good Person. Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned Coldest Shoulder Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred. And the rest of you who have Not Met Me AT ALL and INSIST of friending me online; DO I KNOW YOU PEOPLE? NO, I do Not, and I do not think I will EVER want to meet the Vast Majority of you, because you all ONLY want to add further to the Gabby Gossip Column full of hatred and uncaring content.
 
The ONLY person I have in the world who Cares about me the most is my mother, Barbara, and outside of this house, I do not really have that many people to ANY person who Cares about me at all, even my relatives. NOBODY cares what happens to me and my mother. To the Majority of you, I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares, and may God have mercy on your souls.
 
You Do Not Really Care About Me, Christian Weston Chandler.
</blockquote>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cwcfacebook1.jpg|Wall
Image:Cwcfacebook2.jpg|Profile, part 1
Image:Cwcfacebook3.jpg|Profile, part 2
Image:Cwcfacebook4.jpg|Profile, part 3
Image:Cwcfacebook5.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook6.jpg|
Image:Cwcfacebook7.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook8.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook9.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook10.jpg
Image:Christina1.jpg|17-year-old Christina 1
Image:Christina2.jpg|17-year-old Christina 2
Image:Christina3.jpg|17-year-old Christina 3
Image:Cwcfacebook11.jpg|Chris rejects a single mom. The ironic thing is that this woman was the only one vaguely interested in meeting up with Chris.
Image:Cwcfacebook12.jpg|"Do I know you?" 1
Image:Cwcfacebook13.jpg|"Do I know you?" 2
Image:Cwcfacebook14.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook15.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook16.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook17.jpg
Image:Cwcfacebook18.jpg
Image:Chrisfacebook2011.png| A screencap of Chris's page from [[July 2011]].
File:Chris's Jan 23rd 2012 profile pic.png | Chris's page in [[2012]].
File:Christran2.jpg | Another facebook profile picture in 2012. Note that it is in the same place as the previous profile picture except Chris is smiling in this one.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_pic_as_of_2-2-12_at_10.58.51_AM.png | Chris's Profile as of Feb 2012
File:Cwcfacebook.png|Chris, now with head band.
File:Chris%27s_FB_Profile_and_Note_as_of_02-06-12_at_1.01.29_AM.png| New note about friend requests
File:Chfb1.png| February leak part 1
File:Chfb2.png| February leak part 2
File:Chfb3.png| February leak part 3
File:Chfb4.png| February leak part 4
File:Fbnote1.PNG|Facebook public note 1 (31 March 2012)
File:Fbnote2.PNG|Facebook public note 2 (id.)
File:Cwc3.png|[Megan] speaks...
File:Cwc4.png|...and, surprise, agrees with [Jackie.]

</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Facebook messages]]
*[[Facebook statuses]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?imfjwnjrzi0 Notes]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?20mnnd1juu5 Status]
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002534669114 His new Facebook profile]

{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris's websites]]

Little Tomboy Blue

2012-03-31T18:32:41Z

ShotgunJones: replaced dead mediafire link with imageshack link

{{Honest}}

'''Little Tomboy Blue''' (leaked as '''urqehgvuierg''') is a horrifying video of [[Chris]] stripping for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]] to musical accompaniment, leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

Chris, in full [[tomgirl]] garb, uses his [[PS3]] to play "[[Wikipedia:Fuck the Pain Away|Fuck the Pain Away]]" by electroclash artist [[Wikipedia:Peaches (musician)|Peaches]] as he poorly imitates traditional stripper mannerisms. Interspersed in the actual song are his made-up lyrics, mostly nonsensical exclamations of his tomgirl pride. As the video progresses, Chris sheds more and more of his clothing, eventually revealing his [[muscle bra]] and panties, with his abdominal flab spilling over the waistline. At points in the video, Chris turns his backside toward the camera and pulls down the panties to jiggle his fat ass. Toward the end, Chris removes his bra and slowly massages his nipples while repeatedly uttering the song's final chorus, thus ensuring that all of our recurring nightmares are replaced by Stripping Chris himself.

It is unknown whether or not Jackie explicitly requested this video, or Chris taped it as a spontaneous "gift". However, unaware that most strippers are not only [[obesity|thin]] but also [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], Chris's hamfisted attempt at impressing Jackie instead comes across as thoroughly disgusting and creepy. Many [[Relics of Fail]] are visible in this video, including several [[Sonichu]] cutouts, and the original [[Attraction Sign]] from 2003, which, evidently, Chris has found important enough to have kept taped to his wall almost nine years later.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Little Tomboy Blue
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Dada-uqoDUY}}
| stardate =
| subject = Strip tease
| style = {{Comedy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue/navy tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
Little Tomboy Blue? Come blow my [[duck|horn]].

''[Chris begins to perform an awkward dance to "Fuck the Pain Away". He reaches over to grab an unidentifiable object, a substitute for a stripper’s pole, and attempts to entice the audience with a more suggestive dance. In usual Chris fashion, he begins to sing.]''
Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of the [[tomgirl|tomgirls]]! Huh? What?

''[During this time, he begins to raise his shirt up, displaying a taste of the [[Obesity|horrors]] within.]''

''[Forgets the first few words, and stumbles on several lines.]''
... on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind ''[Slaps his rear.]''

It's fine all of the time

What else is in the teaches of Tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches, huh? What?

''[At this point, he managed to remove his shirt and now he swings it around as though he were arousing his audience.]''

Huh? Right. What? Uhh...

Huh? What? Right. Uhh...

''[He throws the shirt toward the camera, resuming the painfully long striptease. Following this, he lifts up his sports bra to give an eyeful of one manboob to the world. For a moment or two, he fondles it, giving orgasm faces to the camera. Thankfully, Chris puts the bra back on for the time being.]''

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[He sounds somewhat winded during this bit, and he sets his eyes on a new goal. Rocking his hips, he appears to struggle a tad with his jeans, awkwardly pulling them slightly down before pulling them back up. Eventually, he manages to slip them off and drops them in front of the camera.]''

S.I.S. I.U.D., stay in [[Manchester High School|school]] 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

I.U.D. S.I.S., stay in school 'cause it's the best

Sucking' on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my Chrissy behind ''[slaps his rear again.]''

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of [[tomgirls]]? Huh? What?

''[Horrifically, he begins to thrust his hips more prominently than before. Obviously [[Chris and Health|growing tired]], his hips begin to gyrate, repeatedly flashing the audience his ass. At one point, Chris attempts to lift both legs to waist height. He has to grab them with his arms to accomplish this, and immediately grimaces with the pain of physical effort.]''

[[Fuck Quest|Fuck the pain away]]. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

''[Begins singing the lyrics early.]'' Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

''[He is now fondling his manboobs underneath the bra. With his back turned, slowly struggling some, he begins removing his sports bra to display his 42-inch bust to the world.]''

What else in the teaches of tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches

Huh? What? Right. Uhh.

''[After throwing the [[bra]] toward the camera, he has a delayed reaction with what he was doing, and covers his chest with his arms. Chris then proceeds to squeeze his breasts together for massive cleavage results.]''

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

==External Links==
[http://imageshack.us/clip/my-videos/855/qb9n.mp4/ Uncensored version]
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Template:Christory/March 23

2012-03-23T17:02:46Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = 156-CWCMegan1.jpg
|imagecaption = Beware of the Man in the Pickle Suit!
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2008]]''', Megan tells Chris to back off for a while (read: forever).
|link = Megan Emails, 2008#Megan asks Chris to leave her alone again, attempts to talk sense into him}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:March|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 18

2012-03-20T12:59:10Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = GamePlace2.jpg
|imagecaption = You know you want to.
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2008]]''', Chris's first ban from the Game Place expires, and he returns.
|link = The Game Place
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/March 28

2012-03-12T15:45:47Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Dearest_Ivy_by_Chimerica.jpg
|imagecaption = THAT!!! IS!!! MY!!! HOUSE!!!!!!!
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', Chris uploads his second music video for [[Ivy]], featuring the song Loving You.
|link = Chris Sings Lovin' You
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also, in '''[[2010]]''', Chris uploads a video where he rages about abstinance.
|link = F Abstinance
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:March|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 28

2012-03-12T15:42:57Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = SchuComicSP3P5.jpg
|imagecaption = PENIS COMIC
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', the Miscreants publish the Giant Penis Comic.
|link = Giant Penis Comic
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also in '''[[2011]]''', Surfshack Tito leaks several pictures of Chris as "Tomgirl." Bricks were shat all over the Internet.
|link = Tomgirl Pictures
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 23

2012-03-12T15:37:53Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Rawr_fag.jpg
|imagecaption = oh
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', Chris uploads a video where he calls out for Clyde Cash.
|link = Captain's Log, Stardate April 23rd, 2009
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also, in '''[[2010]]''', Chris videotapes himself reading off the Wikipedia page on Autism while wearing a sports bra, then says that there should be a law requiring all men to wear sports bras.
|link = 04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 21

2012-03-12T15:33:41Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Vanessa-hudgens.jpg
|imagecaption = oh
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', [[Vanessa AIM Chat 6]] with Martinez takes place. Chris mentions that he was questioned by the police and bodyguards.
|link = Vanessa Hudgens
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also, in '''[[2010]]''', the first of many disturbing videos Chris made for Jackie is leaked, in which he shows her how he can "pleasure her orally" and then shows off his sports bra.
|link = For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/April 12

2012-03-12T15:29:51Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = 0031-EasterChristopher.jpg
|imagecaption = ye
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', Chris uploads a grand total of 4 videos; [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|a video]] that announces the [[lie|impending completion]] of [[Episode 19]]; a [[More for the crabs| video]] with him greeting [[Ivy]] and her hermit-crab crass; a [[ECV 00081|video]] in wich he kisses his [[Kimmi|sex doll]] with a drawing of Ivy taped over her face; and an Easter video, showing him doing the [[Bunny Hop]].
|link = Bunny Hop
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Also, in '''[[2010]]''', Chris pays a visit to the Game Place to beg Michael Snyder to unban him in person. When his pleas are denied, he calls Snyder a Jew.
|link = Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:April|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Christory/March 10

2012-03-07T02:57:04Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = How-to-talk-to-girls-cover.jpg
|imagecaption = yep
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', Chris reads aloud from Leviticus 18:22. He also proves that [[How to Talk to Girls‎|9 year-olds can get more dates than he can]].
|link = Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009
}}
{{Template: Christory Entry Addition
|text = This was also the day that, in '''[[2010]]''', Chris discovers the CWCki. He responds by punching his camera.
|link = A message to the Trolls
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:March|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Chris and Jackie's Date

2012-02-29T00:31:03Z

ShotgunJones:

[[File:Date.jpg|thumb|300px|A view of where Chris and "Jackie" did the do.]]
'''Chris and Jackie's Date''' is a four-video series of a date between Chris and [[Jackie]] (represented by a sex doll) leaked on 24 [[February 2012]]. Their romantic date consists of dancing in [[Chris's room]], a trip in [[Son-Chu]] to get some [[McDonald's]], eating it and making out with the doll in his front yard, and Chris's attempt at re-enacting a viral video in a dressing room at the [[Ruckersville]] [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]].<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wRjc2Qg-3Y music video]</ref>

The videos were originally leaked as ''one0612-hioghuyiogyo [SaveYouTube.com], two0612-vgiherqighbvpioerua [SaveYouTube.com], three0612-rqwehgiohcnracga [SaveYouTube.com]'' and ''four0612-hncu9tgohaeruxye [SaveYouTube.com]''.

==Videos==
===One===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7dDfqaMMWxI}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2012]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green tomgirl
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==== Transcript ====

And now, Jackie-pie, I'm gonna go ahead and sweep you off your feet.

''[Turns camera to sex doll]'' Even though right now, you're sitting down.
''[Sets camera up on a table and picks up "Jackie," swinging her around and making his own music of la's and da's, occasionally throwing in random phrases as lyrics.]''

''[He stops dancing and kisses the sex doll's lips (where his [[duck]] has inevitably been) and sets her down. He comes to turn the camera off.]''

===Two===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yKikDhuOE00}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2012]]
| subject = {{Sex|Dating}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green tomgirl
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==== Transcript ====

And after having picked you up Jackie and giving you a good dance and song, we are now heading out to the restaurant. We're gonna have some fun, you know, in the car-- and sitting on the car and eating our food. Yep. Yum yum. Very very good. Yum yum.

''[Proceeds to spend the rest of the video [[Random-access humor|making strange "wacka doo" noises]].]''

===Three===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|BZCxX-VvEjU}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2012]]
| subject = {{Sex|Dating & [[sex]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green tomgirl
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==== Transcript ====

''["Jackie" is sitting on the hood of Chris's car. Chris comes by and sits down, [[Obesity|making the car shake noticeably]].]''
Okay, so Jackie and I, we're here at the McDonald's parking lot... we are sitting on top our car, after-- and we just enjoyed some apple-dippers and a Happy Meal.

''[Chris grabs the doll by the breast and moves it as a child would when making a toy speak, and uses a [[sexism|shrill, high pitched voice]] while he [[Chris and reality|pretends Jackie is talking]].]''

''[As Jackie]'' It was really, really tasty, yes it was. And even better... ''[Unintelligible]''...and I'd like that (?)

''[As himself]'' Yes, it was very enjoyable. Very good... So Jackie-pie, what'cha wanna do now?

''[As Jackie]'' I say we make out. And then see where it goes from there.

''[As himself]'' Alright.

''[Chris then proceeds to give "Jackie" a deep, open-mouthed kiss in the public parking lot of a McDonald's. He reaches past her and clicks an iPod or a radio. "California Girls" plays. Chris then moves the doll so that he his legs are wrapped around it, its legs around him. He makes out with it for a few seconds before doing a strange, [[gaybian|scissor-like]] sex act. He makes sex noises, switching between his voice and Jackie's. He kisses her again for a moment before returning to his strange humping. He then puts the doll on the hood of his car, turns the music off and rushes to the camera.]''

God, it's hot out here.

===Four===
{{Honest}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Y1njcaeYmSs}}
| stardate = 24 [[February 2012]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Green tomgirl
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==== Transcript ====

Here we go.

[''Immediately starts humping the sex doll while making high-pitched moaning sounds'']

[''after 10 seconds, he turns the sex doll around into the doggy-style position before it goes off-camera, the blow-up doll going head first into his mold-coated shower/tub.]

[''Resumes shrill, sexual moans that sound like a whimpering dog while thrusting the doll's behind.'']

[''Continues moaning suggestively'']

Yeah!

[''Moans some more. He pauses to reach over to something (water):'']

Whoopie! [''tosses water into the air as if "Jackie" climaxes & squirts everywhere.'']

[''Sighs of relief, wipes shirt on face from the [[Chris and Health|intensity]] and to remove Jackie-Pie's "cum" before turning the camera off'']

==References==
<references/>
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Talk:Forgot the Glitter

2012-02-27T18:39:58Z

ShotgunJones: /* Buying a new red tanktop? */

Symbol/Cutie mark? - Anyone know what the meaning of the symbol could be? It appears to be the classic hermaphrodite/both sexes with an extra male arrow opposite the usual one - Desire for MMF threesome? Saying he's 1/3 female 2/3 male? Silent scream reveaing latent homosexuality? Also, in the brony video, Chris mentions his "cutie mark" - Could this 'tattoo' be what he was referring to? --[[User:IThrewTheFrisbee|IThrewTheFrisbee]] 09:27, 26 February 2012 (PST)
:Sign posts please... But yes, this mark is what Chris would consider his "Cutie Mark" (reference to My Little Pony) Chris has used this mark before as a symbol for Tom Girls and Tom Boys as it is a mix of a boy and a girls "symbols" one on top of the other...Don't know why there is two male symbols mirroring each other...--[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:51, 25 February 2012 (PST)
::[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBTQ_symbols#Gender_symbols This is where it's from.] Apparently, it's not a real tattoo, in case anyone was worried. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 20:09, 25 February 2012 (PST)

== Buying a new red tanktop? ==

Chris's red tanktop seems to have a price tag attached to it. Could he be buying new clothes at the store?
:In You're So Pretty he mentions getting a new shirt from Goodwill so his clothes-purchasing habits haven't changed that much. It's possible that he grabbed something to try on from Wal-mart in order to have an excuse to enter the changing rooms? --[[User:IThrewTheFrisbee|IThrewTheFrisbee]] 20:35, 26 February 2012 (PST)
:* This has to be it, Wal-mart won't let you into the changing rooms unless you having something to change into...WHY he actually put this shirt on though, is another matter (maybe he actually thought of buying it?). What I'd like to know is this: Did Chris go to the Women's changing area, or the men's? Considering his desire to be allowed in the female restrooms at the mall, it wouldn't be so far-fetched an idea. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:07, 26 February 2012 (PST)
:** The voice in the background sounded like a black woman to me, and I don't think they'd let anyone wearing a skirt into the men's changing section, so I'm going to say this was done in the women's changing room. -This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 10:39, 27 February 2012 (PST). Thanks for reading!

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2012-02-27T17:26:27Z

ShotgunJones:

'''The End For Real''' is a phone call which took place between [[Kacey]] and Chris on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]], and led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|Kacey marrying Liquid Chris the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

It was leaked to the [[CWCki]] on 16 [[February 2011]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|zWPLFbLq9kk}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = First
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need-yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean-I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr-I'm sorr-I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really... act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out [[Women's rights|ignored everything I said]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes a strange grunting noise''] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what- one of my problems is that I have [[Wikipedia:Tunnel vision|tunnel vision]]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was-
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaks over Chris''] It-It-It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey... That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem-solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[''sic'']]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't-
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[Chris and anger|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [''pause''] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st-I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought-
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought-I just thought that you might need your spa-you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. [mumbles incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- [Interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week.
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food.
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[McDonalds|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight?
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time.
 '''Kacey:''' [incredulous]...Then go buy them.
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food.
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not.
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one.
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him...

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|H0r8vlDV-J4}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' ...and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time!
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. [long pause] But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college...
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You...You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. ''[pause]'' I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I can definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[pause]'' Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]]
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|L0SCVHue9QE}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = Final
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, [stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable-
 '''Kacey:''' [cuts in] But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]]
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [[Obesity|starve.]] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good?
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid!
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works?
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him.
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me.
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well...
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been exercising, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''21 second pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]]
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously.
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts...
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'll be over this by tomorrow]]. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

For Julie's Eyes Only

2012-02-27T04:04:36Z

ShotgunJones: megaupload dont exist anymore `,(

{{honest}}
<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right|JULAY!]]</div>

 
[[Image:Blowupdoll.gif|center]]

{{protip|"JULLLAAAY" is an ancient meme. Only faggots comment on Chris related videos with any variant of "JULLAAAAAAAY". Even bigger faggots are people who think it's funny to PM and/or e-mail Chris with "JULLLAAAAAAAAAY." The biggest faggots are those who think it's funny to call Chris's house and scream "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAY".}}

On 20 [[February 2009]], the closest thing [[Christian Weston Chandler]] will ever have to a sex tape was leaked to the Internet. The video file '''For Julies Eyes Only.MP4''' consists of nearly eight minutes of Chris, completely nude except for his socks, making love to [[Kimmi|an inflatable sex doll]]. The sex tape was soon uploaded to SlutLoad where it has received over two million views.

==Summary==
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY!!!! JULAAAAAAY!!!! |Chris while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|You take that like a good, bad girl!|Also while humping Kimmi.}}
{{quote|I'm ready to cum!!|Again, while humping Kimmi.}}

'''0:00-0:05''' [''Chris sits cross-legged on his bed, holding Kimmi up as though it were a naked girl standing before him, says "Hey, Julie," and glances at her.'']

'''0:06-0:10''' [''He lies back as he pulls the doll into position over his [[duck]].''] "I love you, Julie..."

'''0:11-0:28''' [''He grips the doll, possibly trying to finger its asshole. He seems confused as to how to effectively copulate with this device.'']

'''0:29-0:44''' [''Our hero abandons all pretense and bends the doll at an unnatural angle (with its upper body pointed straight up and its legs pointed straight out behind it), grapevining its legs with his own and pounding it diligently. Its asshole is spread wide in full view of the camera.'']

'''0:45-0:48''' In a satisfied tone, he sighs "Mmm... Julie..." A moment later, sounding surprised by her passion, he exclaims "''Julieee!''"

'''0:49-1:25''' [''Quiet, uneventful thrusting. Chris seems to have a determined look on his face, as though he is focused on servicing his vinyl lover.'']

'''1:26-1:32''' [''A loud snap can be heard, which seems to catch Chris's attention. He lifts the doll up and examines his crotch, then reaches over to pause the recording. In an email, he tells Julie that his condom had broke so he had to put on another one.']

'''1:33-1:52''' [''Chris resumes filming and humping.'']

'''1:53-2:06''' [''He shifts to a sort of scissor position, with Kimmi "straddling" his right thigh. Chris keeps one hand planted on its "breast".'']

'''2:07-2:08''' "Mmm... Julie! Julieeee!"

'''2:09-2:28''' [''More scissoring.'']

'''2:28-2:31''' "Yesss, Julie... Julie! Mmmm..."

'''2:32-2:49''' [''Chris briefly tries to stick several fingers into Kimmi's ass before rolling over onto his side. His ass is now in full view as it thrusts and quivers against the love doll.'']

'''2:50-2:51''' "You like that, don't you, Julie?"

'''2:52-3:13''' [''More ass-thrusting.'']

'''3:14-3:20''' "Come on, Julie... [unintelligible] take that cock... Mmm, Julie!"

'''3:21-3:39''' [''Chris picks up speed...'']

'''3:40-3:43''' [''Chris puts his right leg over the doll and continues thrusting.'']

'''3:44-3:47''' "Oh, Julie... Julie!"

'''3:47-4:05''' [''More thrusting.'']

'''4:06-4:08''' [''Two loud snaps can be heard as Chris takes his leg off the doll.'']

'''4:25-4:30''' [''Chris now sits on the bed and open his legs, putting the blow-up doll over his body. The scene cuts.'']

'''4:31-4:40''' [''Filming resumes. Chris is seated cross-legged in the bed, much like the first scene. He proceeds to hump the doll.'']

'''4:41-4:50''' [''Chris opens his legs and humps some more.''] "Julie... Yes, Julie... You take that like a good—BAD girl!"

'''5:00-5:21''' [''Chris now is humping the doll quickly. His face is extremely red.'']

'''5:22-5:23''' "Hnmm..."

'''5:24-5:25''' [''Chris cuts the film and resumes the same scene, still humping the doll while seated.'']

'''5:33-5:44''' [''Chris now starts to hump the doll on his knees.'']

'''5:45-5:53''' [''Chris now straddles the doll face-down, thrusting like a rabbit.'']

'''5:54-6:04''' [''Chris holds the doll's boobies and starts to "ride" Kimmi.'']

'''6:05-6:09''' "Oh, Julie... JULIE!! JULIE!!!"

'''6:23-6:40''' "Ju— Yeah... Julie! Julie! Hnmph...hnm... Hnmph...uhh...uhh...uh..."

'''6:47-7:09''' "Hnm, ah, yeah, JULIE! I'm— ah, I'm ready to CUUUM!!! JULIE! JULAY! JULAY! JULIEEE! Julie... HNMPH!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:10-7:24''' "AAAAUUUUGHHHHAAAHNNN!!!" [''More moaning.'']

'''7:25-7:40''' [''Chris suffocates the doll with his weight by lying over her. He thrusts a couple of times and turns off the camera.''] "Julie, thank you."

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan wants it
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-0JMSHgx1DU}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| type = Remix
}}

==Postcards==
[[Image:Postcard_from_Ebaums.jpg|thumb|Greetings to the Chandler family!]]
Postcards were sent direct to [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] by an anonymous troll in early March. His family's reaction is unknown, except that his [[PSEye]] was briefly taken away.

==See also==
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]
* [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]

==External links==
* [http://www.slutload.com/watch/w40vYGuWP3X/Chris-Chan-Sextape.html Watch it here!]
* [http://www.efukt.com/2412_Who_The_Fuck_Is_Julie?.html Or watch it here!]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category: Julie saga videos| 2009-02-20]]
[[Category:Certain videos of the naughty nature| 2009-02-20]]

Little Tomboy Blue

2012-02-27T04:04:07Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Honest}}

'''Little Tomboy Blue''' (leaked as '''urqehgvuierg''') is a horrifying video of [[Chris]] stripping for his [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]] to musical accompaniment, leaked on 25 [[February 2012]].

Chris, in full [[tomgirl]] garb, uses his [[PS3]] to play "[[Wikipedia:Fuck the Pain Away|Fuck the Pain Away]]" by electroclash artist [[Wikipedia:Peaches (musician)|Peaches]] as he poorly imitates traditional stripper mannerisms. Interspersed in the actual song are his made-up lyrics, mostly nonsensical exclamations of his tomgirl pride. As the video progresses, Chris sheds more and more of his clothing, eventually revealing his [[muscle bra]] and panties, with his abdominal flab spilling over the waistline. At points in the video, Chris turns his backside toward the camera and pulls down the panties to jiggle his fat ass. Toward the end, Chris removes his bra and slowly massages his nipples while repeatedly uttering the song's final chorus, thus ensuring that all of our recurring nightmares are replaced by Stripping Chris himself.

It is unknown whether or not Jackie explicitly requested this video, or Chris taped it as a spontaneous "gift". However, unaware that most strippers are not only [[obesity|thin]] but also [[Boyfriend-free girl|women]], Chris's hamfisted attempt at impressing Jackie instead comes across as thoroughly disgusting and creepy. Many [[Relics of Fail]] are visible in this video, including several [[Sonichu]] cutouts, and the original [[Attraction Sign]] from 2003, which, evidently, Chris has found important enough to have kept taped to his wall almost nine years later.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Little Tomboy Blue
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Dada-uqoDUY}}
| stardate =
| subject = Strip tease
| style = {{Comedy}}
| saga = {{Jackie}} {{Tomgirl}}
| shirt = Blue/navy tank top
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Transcript ===
{{Transcription}}
Little Tomboy Blue? Come blow my [[duck|horn]].

''[Chris begins to perform an awkward dance to ‘Fuck the Pain Away’. He reaches over to grab an unidentifiable object, a substitute for a stripper’s pole, and attempts to entice the audience with a more suggestive dance. In usual Chris fashion, he begins to sing.]''
Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my chrissy behind

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of [[tomgirl|tomgirls]]! Huh? What?

''[During this time, he begins to raise his shirt up, displaying a taste of the [[Obesity|horrors]] within.]''

''[Forgets the first few words, and stumbles on several lines.]''
...on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my chrissy behind ''[Slaps his rear.]''

It's fine all of the time

What else is in the teaches of tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches, Huh? What?

''[At this point, he managed to remove his shirt and now he swings it around as though he were arousing his audience.]''

Huh? Right. What? Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[He throws the shirt toward the camera, resuming the painfully long striptease. Following this, he lifts up his sports bra to give an eyeful of one manboob to the world. For a moment or two, he fondles it, giving orgasm faces to the camera. Thankfully, Chris puts the bra back on for the time being.]''

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[He sounds somewhat winded during this bit, and he sets his eyes on a new goal. Rocking his hips, he appears to struggle a tad with his jeans, awkwardly pulling them slightly down before pulling them back up. Eventually, he manages to slip them off and drops them in front of the camera.]''

SIS IUD, stay in [[Honor Roll|school]] 'cause it's the best

IUD SIS, stay in school 'cause it's the best

IUD SIS, stay in school 'cause it's the best

IUD SIS, stay in school 'cause it's the best

Sucking' on my titties like you wanted me

Calling me, all the time like Blondie

Check out my chrissy behind ''[Slaps his rear again.]''

It's fine all of the time

Like sex on the beaches

What else is in the teaches of tomgirls? Huh? What?

''[Horrifically, he begins to thrust his hips more prominently than before. Obviously [[Chris and Health|growing tired]], his hips begin to gyrate, repeatedly flashing the audience his ass. At one point, Chris attempts to lift both legs to waist height. He has to grab them with his arms to accomplish this, and immediately grimaces with the pain of physical effort.]''

[[Fuck Quest|Fuck the pain away]]. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

''[Begins singing the lyrics early.]'' Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[He is now fondling his manboobs underneath the bra. With his back turned, slowly struggling some, he begins removing his sports bra to display his 42 inch bust to the world.]''

What else in the teaches of tomgirls?

Like sex on the beaches

Huh? What? Right. Uhh

''[After throwing the bra toward the camera, he has a delayed reaction with what he was doing, and covers his chest with his arms. Chris then proceeds to squeeze his breasts together for massive cleavage results.]''

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away

==External Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?rdwm83ixwdaymc5 Uncensored version!] WARNING: Only download this if you have both bleach ''and'' ammonia with you.

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Talk:Little Tomboy Blue

2012-02-27T04:01:50Z

ShotgunJones:

No visual video, does anyone have it? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:06, 25 February 2012 (PST)
*I'm never gonna forgive myself, but...http://www.mediafire.com/?rdwm83ixwdaymc5 --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 20:01, 26 February 2012 (PST). Thanks for reading!

Talk:Little Tomboy Blue

2012-02-27T04:01:19Z

ShotgunJones:

No visual video, does anyone have it? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:06, 25 February 2012 (PST)
[*]I'm never gonna forgive myself, but...http://www.mediafire.com/?rdwm83ixwdaymc5 --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 20:01, 26 February 2012 (PST). Thanks for reading!

Template:Christory/February 26

2012-02-26T17:46:42Z

ShotgunJones:

{{Template:Christory Entry
|imagename = Nnocac.jpg
|imagecaption = And so begins a long history of entering contests.
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[1994]]''', Chris wins the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.
|link = Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes
}}
{{Template:Christory Entry Addition
|text = Today in Christory, in '''[[2009]]''', Chris travels to Cleveland Ohio.
|link = Ohio trip
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=See [[Template:Christory]] for usage.}}
[[Category:February|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2012-02-24T06:19:55Z

ShotgunJones:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*24 [[February 2012|February]]: Chris becomes the 30-Year-Old Virgin.
*17 [[February 2012|February]]: [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|CWCville helps]]; Chris plans to raise money for charity by opening a lemonade stand.
*13 [[January 2012|January]]: Sega finally [http://youtu.be/Cnoq4-Mhpgc acknowledges the existence of Sonichu.]
*5 [[January 2012|January]]: Chris and Barbara appear at [[28 October 2011|another hearing]] in connection to their attack on the GAMe PLACe.
*15 [[December 2011|December]]: Chris and [[Barbara]] appear at [[28 October 2011|a hearing]] in connection to their attack on [[the GAMe PLACe]].
*8 [[December 2011|December]]: In a [[Rocky Shoemaker call|call to Rocky]], it is revealed that Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|home]] has a severe bug infestation and that [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was quarantined at the hospital as a result of bug bites before his death.
*19 [[November 2011|November]]: A [[Dating Ad.mp4|long lost personal ad]] is discovered almost three years after it was recorded.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

PlayingHouse

2012-02-19T16:56:04Z

ShotgunJones:

'''PlayingHouse''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris plays with some [[LEGO]] people like a [[pedofork]]. Most notably, he points out the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|''peeps and poops'']] of his fictional children. Chris most likely got this phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works", where Herbert tells his dog to make these.

Also, this video suggests that, if they were to be married, Chris would want Jackie to work as a journalist during the day while he [[Monthly tugboat|lies around at home]], "taking care of the children".

It is interesting to note that while "[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]" is portrayed as a sweet and intelligent little girl (attending school and writing in a diary at four years old, no less), her little brother "[[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]]" is only referred to when Chris laments him expelling various bodily fluids and crying all night, at one point demanding he stay quiet so he can enjoy Jackie's sweet, wet [[china]] in peace. As such, it's another example of Chris's curious [[JERKS|misandry]] in action.

Also of note is Chris's first use of what appears to be a makeshift stage with lighting — though as with everything else Chris does with [[Chris and cinematography|camerawork and lighting]], it is badly done — the viewer can see one of the corners of the box because of the shadow, the light is still too low, and the camera isn't centered on the scene.
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = PlayingHouse
| video = {{#ev:youtube|K5eQbzitYXI}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| previous = [[SonichuBabies]]
| next = [[Wigwam]]
}}

{{quote|Reginald's been a messy lil' babychild! Made his lil' peeps n' poops!}}

=== Transcript ===

'''Narrating:''' Okay, here's another story - in all its love and glory. Alright, this is me. This is my sweetheart. These are our children, that's, uh, Reginald, this one's Crystal. Reginald's da baby. Younger brother. This'll-this'll double as, table, and uh, beds. At their respective times. So... on with the show. I'm at home. And my wife's coming home from work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: ''[High pitched voice]'' Hi honey I'm home!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''Normally''] Oh hi sweetheart, how ya doin'. How was your day at work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Oh it's been good,

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm ju- I'm happy to see you made it home safe. [''Kissing sound'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Kiiiiiss. Anyways, journalism is very hard.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes it is, I hear. So, what happened today?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Aw, we - aw, I meant... you... oh - my article got printed, it got very huge responses!''

[''Wiggles "Jackie", tips her over'']

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Really.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yes! But unfortunately uhh dey laid off Wilkinson at work.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: They laid off Wilkinson! What they do that for?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: 'Pparently he wasn't keepin' up!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Oh. That's a shame.

[''"Children" slide in front of the screen''] Wheeewheewheewheewhee! [''Lego figures appear unfazed'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So, how're the kids?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: D-dey're doin' okay. You know, there's a... pla... they're just playing. Uh. Actually, uh. Cry-actually Crystal is uh, doin' her preschool homework and uh, Reg-Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' [[Christian Weston Chandler|baabychild]]! Made his lil' [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|peeps n' poops]]! And he we-and he went... weewee all over the bathroom, it was [[14 Branchland Court|terrible mess]]. [[Chris's room|Terrible mess]]. I cl-had to clean all that up and of course I changed all of his [[Butt garments|diapers]] too. When they needed changin'. I fed the boy. I fed the girl, too. [''Awkward silence. Jackie falls asleep.''] Anyway, they're doin' okay.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So how's uhhwubde-dinnerbeready?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes, dinner will be ready in a f-about fifteen minutes so you can go uh, put your f-put your things away and I-come to dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Alright.

''["Jackie" flies off, followed by "Chris"]''

''[Table and chairs are set out]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [[Burger King|Dinnertime]]! Numnumnumnum! [''Lego figures join table'']

[''Offscreen''] Oh shoot-which ones did I say? Blue one's Reginald, orange one's Crystal. And Reginald needs a booster seat.

'''Narrating:''' Mmm, anyway, we just finished off dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Mmm, that was delicious dear.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Why thank you. It was a-was a specialty that I have learned from the uh-home and-the uh, food channel. New recipe. [[Giant Penis Comic|Chicken calzone. An', mashed potatoes, n' green beans.]]

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Myeah, it was very good.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Bububububoobee! Th!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Aah, too bad lil' Reginald end up uh, throwing up in some places...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, can I go my woom now, I think I'm gonna do my... uh, write my diary, and y'know guh get ready for bed soon.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Okay [[sweetheart]], y-go k-Crystal, go take care of yourself.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Thank you daddy!

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dababubudee!

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: I'll now take Reginald off your hands, and you can take care of the uh-dinner table and all that, okay.

'''Narrating:''' Alright so, I take care of the dishes... Duhduhduhduhduhduhdadada... And then a lil' while later, go upstairs t'... tuck children into bed...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, that was a very lovel- very nice story you read to me.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm glad you enjoyed it, Crystal.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, will i be-do you know what I might be when I grow up?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: No. What do you think you might be when you grow up?

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: I thiink, I want to be a [[Women's Rights|ballerina dancer]]. Either that, or a [[Officer Nasty|police pers- police woman]]. I'm still undecided.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: That's alright, you ma-you take your time, make up your mind, it'll come to you, dear. Night! [''Fumbles with toy''] Oops. [''"Kisses"''] Goodbye- goodnight sweetheart. Goodnight little girl.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Goodnight!

'''Narrating:''' Now we tuck Re- And now we tuck Reginald in.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dabadabadabadubu!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''"Kiss"''] Mmm, well you sleep tight little partner. Don't be makin' no cries tonight.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dubehbedubuh.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Mmm. Wow, he's sound asleep already, hope he stays that way for the rest of the night.

[''Begins to press "Jackie" and "Chris" into the "bed"''] Mmm, legos don't want to fit together.

''["Jackie" and "Chris" are on the bed. The bed is only 4 units wide, so both characters are teetering on the edge.]''

'''Narrating:''' And now, me n' my wife in bed. Mmm... So what's up ho- what's up for tomorrow?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Well I got another case to report... I got me doi- they got me doin' a trial with uh- some- with some- against some dude who uh, murdered somebody. S'posed to be really big, so... Take it up on that.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Alrigh... Mmm... I got m- got my- tomorrow's shopping day. Have to deal with the uh... Sh- Have to deal with the, little Reginald, crying on the back seat with me, so... Crystal will keep him calm.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: That's good...

''[Chris begins to [[rape|do the inevitable]], but luckily notices in time that society seems to require that pesky "asking" part]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: So, you wanna do it?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yeah, why not. ''[Chris pushes the lego figures together]'' Oh yeah, you do it good. ''[Chris begins to bang the figures together, the sheer force of it breaks the bed, in a sex scene that lasts for approximately 5 seconds]'" Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah awhwww, good, goin' great.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: You did good.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yay.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Ahh, goodnight. Sleeep tight.

''[Chris, noticing that the bed has been destroyed, just drops the minifigures on the floor.]''

'''Narrating:''' The e-

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Playing With Legos (ZOMG XXX ACTION HOTT NSFW)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yOOPpKUBgUQ}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = posthumanfetus
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| type = Remix
}}

==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[SonichuBabies]]|nextlink=[[Wigwam]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 b]]

PlayingHouse

2012-02-19T16:55:37Z

ShotgunJones:

'''PlayingHouse''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris plays with some [[LEGO]] people like a [[pedofork]]. Most notably, he points out the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|''peeps and poops'']] of his fictional children. Chris most likely got this phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works", where Herbert tells his dog to make these.

Also, this video suggests that, if they were to be married, Chris would want Jackie to work as a journalist during the day while he [[Monthly tugboat|lies around at home]], "taking care of the children".

It is interesting to note that while "[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]" is portrayed as a sweet and intelligent little girl (attending school and writing in a diary at four years old, no less), her little brother "[[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]]" is only referred to when Chris laments him expelling various bodily fluids and crying all night, at one point demanding he stay quiet so he can enjoy Jackie's sweet, wet [[china]] in peace. As such, it's another example of Chris's curious [[JERKS|misandry]] in action.

Also of note is Chris's first use of what appears to be a makeshift stage with lighting — though as with everything else Chris does with [[Chris and cinematography|camerawork and lighting]], it is badly done — the viewer can see one of the corners of the box because of the shadow, the light is still too low, and the camera isn't centered on the scene.
==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = PlayingHouse
| video = {{#ev:youtube|K5eQbzitYXI}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| previous = [[SonichuBabies]]
| next = [[Wigwam]]
}}

{{quote|Reginald's been a messy lil' babychild! Made his lil' peeps n' poops!}}

=== Transcript ===

'''Narrating:''' Okay, here's another story - in all its love and glory. Alright, this is me. This is my sweetheart. These are our children, that's, uh, Reginald, this one's Crystal. Reginald's da baby. Younger brother. This'll-this'll double as, table, and uh, beds. At their respective times. So... on with the show. I'm at home. And my wife's coming home from work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: ''[High pitched voice]'' Hi honey I'm home!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''Normally''] Oh hi sweetheart, how ya doin'. How was your day at work.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Oh it's been good,

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm ju- I'm happy to see you made it home safe. [''Kissing sound'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Kiiiiiss. Anyways, journalism is very hard.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes it is, I hear. So, what happened today?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Aw, we - aw, I meant... you... oh - my article got printed, it got very huge responses!''

[''Wiggles "Jackie", tips her over'']

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Really.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yes! But unfortunately uhh dey laid off Wilkinson at work.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: They laid off Wilkinson! What they do that for?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: 'Pparently he wasn't keepin' up!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Oh. That's a shame.

[''"Children" slide in front of the screen''] Wheeewheewheewheewhee! [''Lego figures appear unfazed'']

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So, how're the kids?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: D-dey're doin' okay. You know, there's a... pla... they're just playing. Uh. Actually, uh. Cry-actually Crystal is uh, doin' her preschool homework and uh, Reg-Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' [[Christian Weston Chandler|baabychild]]! Made his lil' [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|peeps n' poops]]! And he we-and he went... weewee all over the bathroom, it was [[14 Branchland Court|terrible mess]]. [[Chris's room|Terrible mess]]. I cl-had to clean all that up and of course I changed all of his [[Butt garments|diapers]] too. When they needed changin'. I fed the boy. I fed the girl, too. [''Awkward silence. Jackie falls asleep.''] Anyway, they're doin' okay.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: So how's uhhwubde-dinnerbeready?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Yes, dinner will be ready in a f-about fifteen minutes so you can go uh, put your f-put your things away and I-come to dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Alright.

''["Jackie" flies off, followed by "Chris"]''

''[Table and chairs are set out]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [[Burger King|Dinnertime]]! Numnumnumnum! [''Lego figures join table'']

[''Offscreen''] Oh shoot-which ones did I say? Blue one's Reginald, orange one's Crystal. And Reginald needs a booster seat.

'''Narrating:''' Mmm, anyway, we just finished off dinner.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Mmm, that was delicious dear.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Why thank you. It was a-was a specialty that I have learned from the uh-home and-the uh, food channel. New recipe. [[Giant Penis Comic|Chicken calzone. An', mashed potatoes, n' green beans.]]

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Myeah, it was very good.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Bububububoobee! Th!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Aah, too bad lil' Reginald end up uh, throwing up in some places...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, can I go my woom now, I think I'm gonna do my... uh, write my diary, and y'know guh get ready for bed soon.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Okay [[sweetheart]], y-go k-Crystal, go take care of yourself.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Thank you daddy!

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dababubudee!

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: I'll now take Reginald off your hands, and you can take care of the uh-dinner table and all that, okay.

'''Narrating:''' Alright so, I take care of the dishes... Duhduhduhduhduhduhdadada... And then a lil' while later, go upstairs t'... tuck children into bed...

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, that was a very lovel- very nice story you read to me.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: I'm glad you enjoyed it, Crystal.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Daddy, will i be-do you know what I might be when I grow up?

‘‘‘Chris’’’: No. What do you think you might be when you grow up?

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: I thiink, I want to be a [[Women's Rights|ballerina dancer]]. Either that, or a [[Officer Nasty|police pers- police woman]]. I'm still undecided.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: That's alright, you ma-you take your time, make up your mind, it'll come to you, dear. Night! [''Fumbles with toy''] Oops. [''"Kisses"''] Goodbye- goodnight sweetheart. Goodnight little girl.

‘‘‘Crystal’’’: Goodnight!

'''Narrating:''' Now we tuck Re- And now we tuck Reginald in.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dabadabadabadubu!

‘‘‘Chris’’’: [''"Kiss"''] Mmm, well you sleep tight little partner. Don't be makin' no cries tonight.

‘‘‘Reginald’’’: Dubehbedubuh.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Mmm. Wow, he's sound asleep already, hope he stays that way for the rest of the night.

[''Begins to press "Jackie" and "Chris" into the "bed"''] Mmm, legos don't want to fit together.

''["Jackie" and "Chris" are on the bed. The bed is only 4 units wide, so both characters are teetering on the edge.]''

'''Narrating:''' And now, me n' my wife in bed. Mmm... So what's up ho- what's up for tomorrow?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Well I got another case to report... I got me doi- they got me doin' a trial with uh- some- with some- against some dude who uh, murdered somebody. S'posed to be really big, so... Take it up on that.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Alrigh... Mmm... I got m- got my- tomorrow's shopping day. Have to deal with the uh... Sh- Have to deal with the, little Reginald, crying on the back seat with me, so... Crystal will keep him calm.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: That's good...

''[Chris begins to [[rape|do the inevitable]], but luckily notices in time that society seems to require that pesky "asking" part]''

‘‘‘Chris’’’: So, you wanna do it?

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yeah, why not. ''[Chris pushes the lego figures together]'' Oh yeah, you do it good. ''[Chris begins to bang the figures together, the sheer force of it breaks the bed, in a sex scene that lasts for approximately 5 seconds]'" Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah awhwww, good, goin' great.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: You did good.

‘‘‘Jackie’’’: Yay.

‘‘‘Chris’’’: Ahh, goodnight. Sleeep tight.

''[Chris, noticing that the bed has been destroyed, just drops the minifigures on the floor.]''

'''Narrating:''' The e-

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = NOW MIX
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yOOPpKUBgUQ}}
| stardate = 26 [[October 2010]]
| maker = posthumanfetus
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| type = Remix
}}

==See also==

*[[A Sonichu Day]]

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[SonichuBabies]]|nextlink=[[Wigwam]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category: Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 b]]
[[Category: Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 b]]

Sonichu Powerpoint

2011-12-03T01:05:44Z

ShotgunJones:

'''Sonichu Powerpoint''' is a two-part video series of Chris delivering his PowerPoint presentation on [[Sonichu]], ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]''. The fact that he was trying to court major companies with a presentation that was almost a year old did not apparently occur to Chris, nor did the fact that filming a computer screen with a shaky, hand-held camera would look pretty unprofessional. These videos are intended to complement the [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]] videos.

==Part 1==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu Powerpoint, Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3gzIGHfsYgs}}
| stardate = 24 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]
| next = [[Sonichu Powerpoint#Part 2|Sonichu Powerpoint Part 2]]
}}

{{quote|[[Lies|As for his name, rumored to be a comparison to— combination of Sonic and Pikachu. That was not the case! I originally played the name from Sonic's Japanese name "Sonniku"!]]}}

=== Transcript ===
Presenting the PowerPoint presentation of the ''Sonichu Chronicles''! This is the, uh, background logo for—that was originally on the CWC's second Pokésite, which then spun off to Soni—Sonichu Site. Wr—Drawn by me, Christian Weston Chandler, 19 February 2004, updated more recently within this year. All Sonichu and Rosechu materials copyrighted by me... [''Smug singsong voice''] with my proof on the CWCipedia!

[''Slide changes to an image of Sonichu and Rosechu making out. Rosechu's panties are visible''] Zoooop! Yay! [''Weird nasal voice''] L'il romance.

[''Slide changes to cover of Sonichu 9''] Mm, yes, the good cover of ''[[Sonichu 9|Number 9]]''!

[''Slide changes again, this time to "Sonichu's beginnings. The original CD case is shown.''] Sonichu's beginnings: What started an idea for a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover in a computer graphics project]] eventually grow and grow and grow into his own dividual—individual character—stories and more friends and enemies among the way! [[Chris and music#A Capella|Dun dun duuun]]! On the faithful day of 17 March 2000, I wanted to feature on my favorite hits CD lifelong hero Sonic the Hedgehog and cute, newer character Pikachu, but copyrighted characters were prohibited from the project, so, in my mind, I pondered and pondered and hit me visually: Sonic and Pikachu combined! As for his name, well—''rumored'' to be a comparison to—combination of Sonic and Pikachu. That was not the case! I originally played the name from Sonic's Japanese name "Sonniku"! The very first thing I drew before the CD cover was a private, never-played [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|homemade Pokémon trading card]] on that very same day. I made a bunch of homemade trading cards, [[Card_games#Custom_cards|only for my own personal fun and art]]. [''Card slides into view''] Dah-da daaaa! That's it, the very first one ever drawn.

[''Chris fiddles with the camera for a few moments, zooming in and out of the card. Eventually, it is replaced with an image of Sonichu and Rosechu standing in front of an American flag.''] Da da daaaa! And over the years, since 2000 to today, he grew better with my own hand-drawing styles.

[''Slide changes, the image on this slide is page 1 of Sonichu Zero.''] Granted, it is a... [[parody]] of Sonic the Hedgehog, the larger story of Sonichu and Rosechu started from the attack of the Chaos from ''Sonic Adventure''—Sega Dreamcast/Nintendo GameCube—but the concept of this outside evolution I've thought up, I've decided to go for it as the origin story. Dun da daaa!

[''Chris goes though several pages of the comic, complete with a Capella freestyle.''] Sonichu and Rosechu... [''more a Crapella''] You can read these in details on the [[CWCipedia]], which is the current CWC Sonichu and Rosechu site, officially! That is provided with the link—that is provided next to this video on YouTube. Da da da da daaa! Helps Super Sonic save the day that day. As would—and when you think about it, it is an untold chapter of one story, so it is additional, yet not major plot change.

Enter Rosechu, Sonichu's sweetheart. In the form of the first hand-drawn page of the ''Number Zero'' comic book, on 24 November 2004, I continued to create more Electric Hedgehog Pokémon ''for'' the world of Sonichu. Less than a year after Sonichu, I drew up Rosechu. Yet another parody in comparison to Amy Rose, Rosechu evolved from a female Rosechu that... fateful day.

''Major'' differences between Amy and Rosey: Amy does not have spikes on the back, the clothes are different... her headband is white, not red like Amy's, and Rosechu has a modern-girl-kind of attitude, and, lucky for her, Sonichu reall—Sonichu ''rarely'' runs away from her charms. [''Peter Griffin laugh''] And, of course, she has her electric-type attacks to boot. And don't forget the tail; that's another difference. Rosechu is a gal who will not take any abuse from a [[Chris|foe]], laying down. She is a warrior heart steady up for [[women's rights]]! Daa da-daaa! My very first Rosechu card....

The genesis of the lovehogs: again you can read these... for yourselves on the CWCipedia, but, right now, we'll skim to pictures.

And there's the first kiss between Sonichu and Rosechu. Yay!

[[Julay|Oooh]], and this one in m—in where she got really angry.

[''Empties his blowhole, and then, in an attempt to be Matthew Bellamy, warbles out a sing-song 'Mmmmm' ''] Dunn dunn-dunn dun dun! These are from—these images from from book [[Sonichu 8|number eight]]. Evolutions for the original Sonichu and Rosechu: for the idea I had of a possible Pokémon game title, ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'', featuring Sonichu, I have the idea for the story beginning in my head. I have created babies for all the Sonichus and Rosechus, and evolutions for the original Sonichu and Rosechu only. This here is a [[Sonee]]... and this here is a [[Rosey]]. Sonee... plus maximum friendship equals Sonichu. And, uhh, Rosey plus maximum friendship equals Rosechu. Sonichu plus metal coat and trade equals Metonic. Rosechu plus maximum friendship and level-up at midnight hour: Vamprosa. Metonic is met—is metal and electric; Vamprosa is dark and electric... with levitatability.

This here is Black Sonichu, uhh, as known as—later to be known as Blake. He is easily explainable as the clone of Sonichu from his DNA with an accidental dose of cherry cola to change the pigment from yellow and brown to black and red.

And this is the cover of the ''[[Sonichu 1|Number One]]'' book, introducing [[Blake]]. And there's facts between the two! Under the Pokéball of [[Naitsirhc]], adopted son of Giovanni (the Team Rocket leader), Blake followed the commands of his creators (quote/unquote) until Naitsirhc would later transform into Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the complete opposite of me, Christian Weston Chandler... and this is all complete opposites.

[''More sing-song dumbassary'']

Aaand eventually Blake would fall in love with Bubbles, and... yep, first kiss came in book number eight.

The [[Chaotic Combo]]: after a blind scientist's creation, I created five more Electric Hedgehogs edgehogs that came from the Chaos Emeralds' power, from Sonichu's fateful origin. First, we have [[Wild Sonichu]]. ...Hmm. Then we have [[Bubbles]]! Wild is grass, umm—grass/electric. Bubbles is water and electric. Oh, yeah, Wild has the ability [[Chris and English|to Chlorophyll]]. Bubbles has Volt Absorb.

[[Angelica Rosechu]]: flying/electric-type, Serene Grace ability. [[Punchy Sonichu]]: fighting/electric-type, Limber. [[Magi-chan|Magi-chan Sonichu]]: psychic and electric with Synchronize.

And with every thought that randomly popped up in my imagination, I was very likely to create a new character—er, or, given—or even given one, from amongst my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|growing—to currently massive fanbase]]. Well, of course, [[Bionic]] ''is'' my own. That was origninally created during my high school days, when I was varsity basketball manager.

In any case, it all happened in and around the city of [[CWCville]], Virginia: a grand community of men, women, and children living in peace day by day, and hard at work, a plus for the city that is smokefree and [[Long Island Iced Tea|non-alcoholic]]. Alright, one of end of the city is the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], featuring many favorite stores, as well as my Mayoral Office above the front main entrance, followed by the residential area (of houses and a few playgrounds), then the metropolis [''squeak, squeak''] where the major businesses go work in the tall skyscrapers. It is also has a beach leading to the ocean, by the big forest and mountain regions from a dormant volcano or two.

This is me, [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]]. [[Chris and his ego|Like in most artists, I let myself get into my work]] storywise, where, in real life, I have been [[Love Quest|in search for a woman]] to become my true [[sweetheart from ground-up]], starting as friendship. I am also the mayor of CWCville. I deal with may—my mayoral duties over WiFi with my Nintendo DS. I came up with the name of CWCville long ago, starting with the city that I built (and grew bigger, over the years) of Lego bricks pieces and people. I also later came up with the radio station [[KCWC]]. Then, I recorded some real shows for fun on some audio cassette tape—

==Part 2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu Powerpoint, Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jzm6NabzsY4}}
| stardate = 24 [[November 2009]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Sonichu Powerpoint#Part 1|Sonichu Powerpoint, Part 1]]
| next = [[3 December 2009]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Image changes to a shopped pic of Chris standing next to [[Patti-chan]].''] Mmm, there's a good one of me and my—my dog Patti... even though that's just a redrawn version of her. [''Poorly drawn image of Chris appears.''] Dun Dun dunnnnn! Yep. [''Cover of ''[[Issue 0]]'' appears.''] Yeah, from me from real life to animation—hand-drawn cartoon... [''Drawings of interior of mayor's office appear.''] and hand-drawn capabilities growing better over time. [''Slide changes. Variety of Pokésite logos appear.''] In real life I also create a number of website starting with my Pokésite. I had taken two HTML classes, so I know the raw data on notepad, as well as Netscape Composer, HP—HTML processor. After creating Sonichu, I featured him on the Pokésite, but later decided to make the Sonichu site as a spin-off from the Pokésite. I vent—then eventually Sonichu and Rosechu grew a fanbase grew and grew, and with the true good [[trolls|fans]] came the [''voice drops in pitch''] jealous dark [[trolls]]: Internet bullies. I was hacked a number of times before, and unfortunately the Sonichu site was temporarily down, but, as soon as I got some more [[monthly tugboat|money]], I opened up a new account, with different web-hosting sites but that—that later got hacked. With new E-mail addresses I kept secret from most anyone, the family was informed. I don't know how but the trolls managed to get in there—into those things in the past, somehow. But, currently, it is the—but, currently, it is the original and official Sonichu and Rosechu site, also known as the CWCipedia.

[''Slide changes. We see poorly-drawn Chris again, and get a glimpse of the title "Chris Chan Sonichu.''] Story-wise, I describe my [[Anchuent Prophecy]], that I would take pen in hand, create a Electric Hedgehog that take the Sonichu Medallion... [''Camera spins around to focus on the [[Medallion of Fail]] hanging from Chris's neck.''] from my neck, right here! [''Camera returns to screen''] To enclose the... to enclose the darkest evil that would come out from there. This would be the transformation from me to [[Chris-chan Sonichu]]. [''Image changes to Chris and Sonichu in the cave with the old man. Chris makes some background music.''] Pen in haaand... [''Picture of the medallion appears on screen.''] Real life, I have crafted the original Sonichu medallion from Crayola Model Magic, clay, acrylic paints, key rings, superglue and a necklace. [[Chris and reality|It does not grant me any powers in real life, but it does in the comics]]. [''Another scene from the comic appears, in which Chris is considering blowing someone away. Chris blows loudly.''] Like I am able to access the attacks of some of my—about—of my Electric Hedgehogs I created. I can preform any single attack at will. It may lead there most doubt I transform into [''Image of Chris transforming into Sonichu appears, More stupid background music. After a few moments another new image appears, this one featuring Chris Chan Sonichu in a variety of poses.''] Chris-chan Sonichu! Soldier of love and [[Honest content|honesty]]! [''Image changes to a comic of Chris-chan Sonichu fighting a [[Jerkop]]. Chris provides sound effects.''] In this form, I can execute my own personal selection of attacks as a Normal/Electric—Electric-type Hedgehog Pokémon, with keen-eye ability including Mach Punch, Thunderboat and Hyper Beam. As well as—as... human as Sonichu form, I am the only being who can execute the special attack, that inflicts bad luck, extreme misfortune, with some damage to the foe, used to be called "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]", now it's called "Shin-ye-ha-me-ha"! [''Cover of issue ten slides into focus''] Chris-chan Sonichu... that is me! And I—again, this is from—this art is to be the cover of [[Sonichu 10|book number ten]], from my Australian gal-pal fan... who was—nickname was [[PandaHalo]]. [[Chris and death|She is dead now]]... [[lie|and I miss her]]. She was a great friend. Anyway... it is, yeah, fandagreat—fantastic rendition, she was my [[Sweetheart|partner]] at the time until her death.

[''Slide changes, now displaying the hand drawn Nintendo power cover.''] And, now, the gaming proposition! Let me prep this the subject with a spot of history between me and Nintendo! Dun da daaa! I had a dream! Around June 1997, I had a dream of Sonic the Hedgehog on the original Game Boy. I had written a letter to Nintendo of America suggesting to work with Sega on a Game Boy ''Sonic'' title. Basically, they said I had rocks in my head, but now look in 2001, ''Sonic Advance'' on Game Boy Advance! I pretty much foretold that outcome! [''Image changes to ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'' Nintendo power cover.''] Dun dun duun. [''Image changes to the ''Animal Crossing'' feature that Chris's video appeared in.''] And this would be the article from "The Crossing Quarterly". In volume 179 (May 2004) of ''Nintendo Power''... I had been long-time subscriber. In November of before, I had videotaped a voiced-over documentary of my Sonichu and CWCville in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''—on Nintendo GameCube! I got full credit for that documentary, which is noted in lower-box right there: "Special thanks to Christian from Virginia for his Sonichu documentary."

[''Camera zooms way in, displaying a blurry mess. Chris does more background music, then changes his voice to pretend that he's in Star Trek''] Zoom in on the article!

Soon after I was feat—soon after I was featured in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]'s newsletter, ''The Forum'', for being featured in Nintendo for my Sonichu and CWCville.

[''Frontpage of The Forum is displayed, telling us that a student named Crowsey has won Prestigious Awards. The members of the CWCki wish to congratulate Crowsey for his efforts in his chosen field, and hope the years since this headline have brought him further success. Sadly, Crowsey and his daring accomplishments are soon covered by the "Meet Sonichu" article'']

"Meet Sonichu, soon featured in ''Nintendo Power'' magazine!" Also, I had later submitted a letter with high regards to a DS game, ''[[Sprung]]'', in reference to mo—momentary progress at that time. That letter appeared in this issue... with the screenshot. "Christian C., from Virginia, via the Internet." [''Note that "From Virginia" was ''not'' printed in the magazine, but scrawled in pen by Chris.'']

Now we can talk about—bit more about my current ideas for Sonichu...'s start in the video game world. Until we get ten feet off the ground on the whole thing, you may use this cover for the following ''NP—Nintendo Power'' issue that would follow... [''"The King Chris-chan Royal Anthem" is reiterated once more''] for ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu's Adventure]]'' on Nintendo GameCube, or Nintendo Wii, maybe.

My game title ideas: before, or during, the drawing of the ''Number Zero'' book, and afterwards, I came up with a few stereotype ideas for video games around Sonichu and Rosechu. Firstly, ''Sonichu's Adventure''—on Nintendo GameCube! A Christian Chandler production. First, yeah—as featured on the first eight previously-uploaded comic books, come up with that game (subject to upgrade for Wii) and maybe go multi-console—never on Xbox; hex on [[HEXBox]]! [''Thinking that he can address someone as superior to him as Miyamoto with "Mayamoto-san"''] Mayamoto-san, ugn... yeah... had a copy of my introductory ideas. Turns out that I was talking to a [[Miyamoto saga|impostor]] at that time, when I updated this.

Anyway, then, to follow, Game Boy Advance version of ''Sonichu's Adventure'', and, only on GBA: ''Pokémon: Lightning Version''. And then, much later, [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. Would definitely go multi-console—never on HEXBox. This one'll basically be me going through my [[Stress|ordeals]] with Sonichu, Rosechu, and the rest of the Electric Hedgehogs fagging along, like in ''[[Wikipedia:Shadow the Hedgehog (video game)|Shadow of the Hedgehog]]''. I would be able to transfrom into Chris-chan Sonichu in this game. Multi-console between PS3, PS2, Nintendo Wii! Off to a zappingly-extreme, great start, uhhhhh... as rumored, it was, uhh, at the time that I updated this, uhh... Takashi Tazuka—Nintendo can correct me on this, if I am mistaken, or... verify—took—he took it upon himself, with the most-appreciated inquiry of my approval, as the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu and the world of [[CWCville]], to create a Sonichu/Rosechu video—villager for ''Animal Crossing: City Folk''... who ''now'' will be likely to zipping across ''Sonichu Crossing'', and—mind the traffic. [''Laughs as though he [[Random-access humor|made a joke]]''] As a fan of ''Animal Crossing'' since the GameCube title—could have released, uhh—could have released as a US version of Nintendo 64 title, as well as the ''Animal Crossing'' movie—I often like to quote Blathers, after going on with the expression, but I digress, so thank y'all for teaching me that expression.

Sonichu and Rosechu and CWCville: Nintendo can be—can and will be profiting big from my well-grown fanch-base, as well as Sega and Sony. I personally give good word of mouth to Nintendo systems and games included in references in my comic book series. Sonichu and Rosechu on ''Animal Crossing: City Folk'' b—would be a great raise of s—sales of Wii consoles, ''Animal Crossing: City Folk'' game discs, and the Wii Speak. Also, with me starring in the games, as the voices of both myself and the original Sonichu, and my s—my past... well... my [[sweetheart]]...-to-be as the voice of Rosechu, that there will be three less voice actors to hire. [''Ignoring that profits include creating revenue, not just cutting a portion of expenses...''] This is a great start in profits from the Electric Hedgehog that started [[Chris and his ego|humbly]] from the mind of a [[Obesity|well-rounded]], [[Chris and religion|church-going]], [[Autism|high-functioning autistic]], recovered individual. Nintendo will see good profits in the timeframe... of the game's release. Sonichu, go!

Thank you very much for you time, and I look forward to working y'all—with each of y'all in person very soon on the Sonichu Project. Peace!

My contact info... [''Displays the contact information slide of the PowerPoint, which includes his name spelled incorrectly as "Christain", as well as listing his Wii number—you know, because a big company executive is totally going to message him on his Wii—which is 8626-5211-8387-4771'']

Thank you much, and have a safe day. Peace out!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]|nextlink=[[3 December 2009]]|}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, November 2009| 2009-11-24]]

Correction of EX relationship status

2011-11-28T23:40:48Z

ShotgunJones:

'''Correction of EX relationship status''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 10 [[August 2011]]. Chris uses this video to [[retcon|clarify]] his references to the [[Wallflower]] in previous videos as his ex-girlfriend, instead insisting that she was simply a friend who is female, who he is no longer friends with. Chris also reveals that he has found a new [[sweetheart]].

== Video ==
{{quote|**Normally, I would not mind a "[[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria Morgandorfer]]" like "Wallflower", but after how COLD she was to me, and spooking me bad today, I would not want to have anything to do with her even if she did a COMPLETE emotional 180.}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Correction of EX relationship status
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wQEdnYD9axU}}
| stardate = 10 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}, {{Redbra|text}}
| previous = [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]]
}}
{{quote|Dang it, I'm losin' my- I'm losing my seriousness here, lost it there.}}
=== Transcript ===
Hello! I am making this, uh, additional video on the side to, uh, note a correction. Uh, in the recent-uh, in the recent video, where I mentioned that, uh, Heather was my ex-girlfriend, I did not mean that the way it sounded. I meant the term loosely in that she was a [[Gal Pal|girl, and that she was a friend of mine]], but then because of what happened soon after, uh, or near the end of the friendship, she dumped me as a friend, and doesn't want- any have- want anything to do with me ever again.

And, uh, with that aside, I would like to, uh, furder resu- furder resume the, uh, my revenge on the, uh, trolls, because everybody knows what they have done against me. My [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my, uh, [[The Chaotic Combo|friends]], and the few I have around here, and uh, my con-my congregation at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|the church]], they're all- they all back me up on this, including my- including my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]] whose name I will not be re- be revealing at this time... yeah.

And, uh, also, uh, just an additional note to, uh, [[Surfshack Tito|Don]] over there. Uh, in-uh, if he wants to, uh, keep me updated, uh, more quickly, instead of, uh, recording new videos, he may con- he may still contact me at my AOL address, of which, uh, him, as well as the majority of other [[Trolls|trolls]] are aware of. So they may respond to me through [[Emails|E-mail]] as well. Asi-uh, unless they wish to do a-do the video anyway to make their public apologies and whatnot... yes.

''[Groans and smacks head]''

Dang it, [[Autism|I'm losin' my- I'm losing my seriousness here, lost it there]]. But I am very serious on, uh, getting what-getting justice, what has-what ha-what I've been waiting for for the past four years. Anyway, with that, uh, I would also like to mention that I regularly, rarely do not check my [[voicemail]]s. Pretty much, I, uh, check them when they exceed, like, ten or so. Because I am st-I am still paranoid of people [[Prank calls|abusing me]] over da phone lines... yeah.

So, I just leave y'all with that for... this. Have a good day.
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out#Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]|nextlink=[[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-10 rf]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Kaka Makeup Basics

2011-11-28T23:39:38Z

ShotgunJones:

[[File:TG20.jpg|right|300px|thumb|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|Virginia tomgirls]], we're unforgettable [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], [[muscle bra]] on top Sun-deprived skin, so hot We'll burst your pickle Oh-oh-oh-oh! Virginia tomgirls, we're [[Chris and rape|undeniable]] Fat, fat, fat, and one bent [[duck]] East Coast represent [[Fridays After Five|Now put your hands up]] Oh-oh-oh-oh!]]

'''Kaka Makeup Basics''' is a video released by [[Chris]] on 16 [[August 2011]]. Here, we see Chris putting on makeup, reinforcing his status as a [[tomgirl]]. Chris applies the makeup extremely inexpertly, completely caking himself in it, akin to a two-year-old who has just discovered [[Barb|mommy's]] make-up kit, proving again that Chris cannot even do something he wants to right. As well, it's revealed that he uses make-up from [[Wikipedia:Sephora|Sephora]], a very expensive cosmetics store, though we know [[Monthly Tugboat|how he got that.]]

{{clear}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Kaka Makeup Basics
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eB5HUfPI1U8}}
| stardate = 16 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason}}, {{Crazy}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]]
| next = [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]
}}
{{quote|Tell 'em, uh, Kaka sent ya.}}
==Transcript==
''[Background music: [[Wikipedia:Katy Perry|Katy Perry]] - "[[Wikipedia:California Gurls|California Gurls]]"]''

'Ello. Now it's time for make-up tips. First... I like to start, by putting on some of the ol' foundation. My-I go with my own skin tone which was recommended to me by the person-by the woman who served me over at the ah make-up parlor known as Sephora. So yeah, take the, ah, little brush here and, uh... ''[Stirs brush around the way one stirs gummy oatmeal.]'' ... just take some here and- ''[Starts to put make-up on.]'' and start to put it on a majority of my face.
''[There's a moment of Chris putting his make-up on his eyelids. They twitch reflexively, clearly not used to having foundation put on them.]'' There. ''[Continues putting make-up on roughly, the same way one would paint a house.]''. Pardon me while I ''[looks at camera dramatically]'' powder my nose. Definitely kills the shine. And you don't want a reflective nose. Make sure you cover your blemishes as well if you see any in the mirror... on your compact. ''[Phone rings]'' I should have turned that off, I didn't think. And let me just-''[sigh]'' fix that. Yeah. Make sure to blow the excess ''[pause]'' make up away after you have completed that.

''[Mumbles]'' Apply some mascara. ''[Blows on mascara and applies it, constantly blinking on every alternate stroke.]'' Angling the brush and moving upwards, keeping an eye on the mirror. You definitely want to make your eyelashes more fuller, especially when they look- don't look so full in the first place. Another good idea is to just close your eyelid and onto-onto the brushhh. I mainly like to focus on the upper eyelashes cause the lower ones are more difficult to... do really, at least for me.

And then I like to ah apply the ol' eye shadow but first I have to apply some primer onto the- onto my eyelids. ''[Applies a liberal amount of primer as though it were toothpaste.]'' Like so. And right now I just gotta focus on, uh, one-- ''[almost drops the eye shadow]'' shade of eye shadow to go onto my eyelids for this time. To-ah-to get yourself ed-y-get yours- you can learn more about ''[burps under his breath]'' how to apply multiple shades to give your eyes a, ah, possibly more better look. Your eyelids. ''[Applies blue eyeshadow liberally.]'' If you want more information on applying makeup, def'nitely go to yer, local make-up salon or Sephora. Or I guess, uh, yeah, most anywhere else that sells make-up.

And uh, optionally you can use eye liner, obviously I should have done that before I applied eye shadow. It goes along de, uh, edge of the eyelid. That's where it's concentrated at.

And lastly, I like to apply some-apply some lipstick. This is a no brainer. ''[Mumbles, applies lipstick liberally, and blows a kiss at the camera.]'' And to give you a little shine, I, uh, just apply some lip glossss. ''[Applies the lipgloss, then smacks his lips.]'' And that's a simple-that's pretty much a basic way on, uhf- of applying make-up. ''[Gives a stare, attempting to look flirty but coming off as disturbing.]'' Tell 'em, uh, ''[gives a shifty glance off-camera]'' [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Kaka]] sent ya.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]]|nextlink=[[Calling_Out#Calling_Out_Jack_Thaddius_-_Ahuviya|Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-16 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Re-Calling Ahuvia

2011-11-28T23:38:14Z

ShotgunJones:

'''Re-Calling Ahuvia''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 23 [[August 2011]], and part of the [[Calling Out]] series. In it, Chris calls out Jack Thaddeus once more. As the time ticks down, Chris reveals more information about him, including the fact that he was a communist, which Chris hates (probably because of [[Bob]]). He further proves his ignorance by conflating communism and [[CWCville|Nazism]], even though the two are, economically speaking, polar opposites. Like his previous Jack Thaddeus video, it was removed for hate speech.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Re-Calling Ahuvia
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ofdre0Ima1A}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.3 Shirt
| previous = [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| next = [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]
}}
{{quote|He is a communist! And we do not like communists within dis country!}}
=== Transcript ===

[[Sigh|*Sigh*]] Hello again, thee Internet. I have heard d- have not seen any response from Mr. Jack Thaddeus, as also he's known as Ahuviya. So therefore, I will reveal a little bit more information about him, starting with another portion of the photograph. ''[Camera pans shakily to the TV screen. It takes a moment to come into focus, revealing the upper left portion of a face, and then jerks back to Chris.]''

And, uh- let's see, what else do I have here on de stanssss... ''[Chris seems to read from something in his hands offscreen]'' He was definitely responsible for hacking my- hacking da network accounts. Probably had a ''hand'' in that blackout a few months ago. ''[A brief pause while Chris looks at his notes again]'' And, uh, he blackmailed me into humping... my c-console. And, uh, pa- he pasted the disgusting ads on da Cwcipedia... as well ''[Slurring and hissing]'' asss otherss trollin' schemess within the past couple of years. Uh, let's see...

''[Looks down again]'' Hmm...

Oh yes! ''[Looks back at camera, raises voice in a faux dramatic fashion]'' He is a communist! And we do not like communists within dis country! ''[Waves his right hand about, pointing upwards while glancing to his left]'' [[United_States_of_America#Politics|We are Republican, Democrat or neutral]]... And I am neutral, so [[Homo|I can go either way]], but I do not exactly care much for ''[Raises voice and waves finger emphatically]'' COMMUNISM! [[CWCville|We do not like to stand under one ruler.]] It is very unruly and... sssssssstupid! ''[Pauses and stares]''

''[Chris begins to sing a half-assed rendition of "[[Donald Duck|Der Fuehrer's Face]]"<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MReV9dkAVhY]</ref> [[CWCville|I will give a heil!]] ''[raspberry]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' ''[In a sing-songy manner]'' Right in der Führer's face. Da da doo doo doo doo doo d'loo da doo doo doo da da ''[Chris and camera both bob enthusiastically with the tune]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' Right in der Führer's face. ''[With his song finished, Chris settles the camera]''

Oh, yes, he is also a big fan of, uh- bonding... bondage, ssssadoism, machotism and disciplinary fetishisesss. And he is in the process of a sssexual change. He is going to have his... ''[Pauses, looks uncomfortable]'' [[pickle|wiener]] chopped off. I would ne'er do that, which I believe I have mentioned earlier; that is the one thing in being a tranny that I disagree on with him... And he's definitely never gonna be a female truly in that sense, in female ''[loudly and deeply]'' dominance. He has to get a real woman to come in in order to do that. ''[Pauses again to look at his notes]''

He still lives in Pennsylvania. Still a [[homo]]. ''[With a dramatic voice like an announcer at a boxing match]'' Twennnty five years old! ''[Attempting to sing the name operatically]'' Ahuviyaaaaa.

Stay tuned.

==References==

<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]]|nextlink=[[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]}}

{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-23 a]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]