CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sonichu Entertainment of America

2016-05-13T12:49:12Z

Sipothac: Undo revision 197481 by Toblerone (talk) The Etsy sure looks like it's still up; and even if it wasn't, the sentence that was there still gets information across more clearly.

{{quote|Let's make Sonichu and Rosechu great again!|Christian Weston Chandler for [[Wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016|President]]}}

'''Sonichu Entertainment of America (SEA)''' is Chris's small business company that started on [[Announcement 04/16/2016| April 16th, 2016]]. It is a pre-IPO, global entertainment and media company which will be hosted by [http://www.zazzle.com/ Zazzle] selling [[Sonichu 8|fun for the whole family]]. This is a step up for Chris taking advantage of his Internet fame and [[Sonichu| his original creation]]. Sonichu Entertainment of America is an [[Homos| Equal Opportunity]] employer. It is (by Chris's logic) an 8A [[Tomgirl| woman]]-owned small business. Products would include the usual stuff he sells on [[Etsy]] as well as T-shirts, hats, mugs, and other products.

==Reason for Creation==
[[Chris and the industry|Most people]] start a small business to provide services and innovation. Although Chris wants to expand his clientele, the chief reason for the formation of the business is because producing the insipid crap to sell online is starting to feel a bit like work, and he wants some henchmen to do the actual work for him. Watching the "launch" video reveals in very short order that he wants any and all employees to be women so he can fuck them, although of course Chris claims his aim was to focus more on drawing the comics as well as focusing on his transition from being a Female Lesbian Soul to Full Woman Lesbian.

==Help Wanted==
Chris is in essence looking for artists who could reproduce [[Chris and art|his masterpieces]] and sell them, Chris naturally believing that a career artist would be required to reproduce his hideous childish art.
==Positions and Job Descriptions==
===''Artist''===
An "artist" would create the Amiibos and medallions. Basically an assembly worker making Sonichu crap.
====Description====
*"Learn" from Chris-chan about assembling Amiibos and medallions.
*Create potential prototypes
*Collaborate with Chris about new ideas
====Qualifications====
*Love and adore the adventures of Sonichu and Rosechu
*Be experienced with arts and crafts
*[[R.L. Stine|Eighth grade reading level]]
*Have similar traits to Chris-chan but [[Chris and his ego|not in totality]]
===''Animators/Video production assistants''===
This position would help with creating the animated or CGI Sonichu cartoon series and hopefully not end up like the [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue-armed bandit]].
====Description====
*Create a cartoon or CGI animated Sonichu cartoon with Chris having total creative control and voicing himself and Sonichu.
====Qualifications====
*[[CADD|Be able to make a cartoon]]
===''Romantic coordinator''===
A romantic coordinator is a [[Hooker incident|professional matchmaker]] that Chris would actually pay for and [[Honest Content|trust]]. He claimed he was too [[Mass debating|busy]] to handle this himself. He mentioned that his "associate" wrote this section, in what is an obvious lie but a rare instance of Chris being seen to have shame.
====Description====
*Compete with the lesbian love market and find Chris a [[sweetheart]]
*Create a course in women's self-defense/martial arts, [[Date Ed|dating education]], and lesbian sexual positions.
*Escort Chris in certain [[Fridays After Five|public events]]
*Fight against trolls
====Qualifications====
*Be [[Chris and health|fit and in shape]]
*Be a [[The Incredible Lioness|femme fatale]]
==Salary and benefits==
*25% of the profits.
*[[Chris and his ego|Exclusive access]] to Christian Weston Chandler himself
*Talks of [[Chris and negotiation|collaboration]]
*Access to private company promotions, conventions, and company slumber parties (tbd)
*Chance of romantic encounter with the boss

Anyone interested could send a Youtube video as a video resume or send [[Chris's resume|a resume]] to his gmail account.

Chris would be paying these people 25% of all profit each, presumably meaning if he had any more than three employees he wouldn't be making any money himself (and what existing profit there is is less than a single person could live on, let alone several people). Although the "artist" and animator positions were advertised to people of either sex, Chris very obviously wants to work with women so he can seduce them.

There are more than a few problems with the creation and advertisement of these positions, chiefly the allusion to romantic advances as a supposed perk of the position. Not only would that creep out potential employees, it would also be considered [[Chris and the law|sexual harassment]], especially with Chris's history [[Catherine|with]] [[Megan|dating]]. It comes as some surprise that two of the three positions are open to [[Jerks|men]], with only Romantic Coordinator being a female-only position.

==Future==
There is no chance whatsoever of anybody applying for these positions as a serious job venture. There is, however, an extreme likelihood that [[trolls]] will use these job "opportunities" as chances to get close to Chris, which Chris hasn't realised, naturally. As an actual business, even with Chris as its only employee, it is doomed - aside from negligible profits, Chris is plagiarising literal hundreds of instances of intellectual property, and while he's being doing that for years, now he's actually trying to profit off of it.

Please, Donate

2016-04-14T01:54:04Z

Sipothac: /* Transcript */

'''Please, Donate''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 12 [[April 2016]]. Chris begs for donations in exchange for gifts.

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Please, donate and help me and my family. I would be more than grateful for each donation that comes in. And Y'all will receive gifts on the higher levels.

I stand corrected; plain donations are not tax deductible, and I am not one of such there. I am sorry about that; my mistake.

<nowiki>https://www.etsy.com/listing/246499002/donate-towards-new-comic-book-pages-or?ref=shop_home_active_1
</nowiki>

This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Please, Donate
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-TPOcKUBBdM}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2016]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = blue string top
| previous = [[Happy Birthday, Martin.]]
| next =
}}
</center>
==Transcript==
[''[[sigh]]''] So anyway, uh, got a bit of situation here going on here at home, but y'all do know that, uh, I'm still try--I'm still recovering from all the past... hatred and abuse I had to put up with. [''Chris picks up the remote and presses a button''] Uh, okay, that's a bit better, distracting, I muted the television, but anyway, so... [''sigh''] Yeah, got some financial problems coming up, ehhh, about right now, so, [''takes a breath''] mmm, I mean, y'all don't have to buy anything, uh, donations of b--with every person donating at least a dollar, you can help--y'all can help, uh, me and my mother find uh, peace at home and be able to help, uh, take care of our expenses and everything.

And uh, I'm still working on--I'm still getting back into the groove of putting everything together, working on a daily basis and definitely working on putting myself on a day schedule. [''pauses''] And there's that damn autistic pause in my head. I think that's the autism, essentially. You get, you feel the anxiety and the damn autism reacts to it like it's a piece of change and it's not routine or something. [''sigh''] Anyhow, since I pretty much am reaching out to everybody for a donations, I just wanna remind everybody that uh, the donations under $10, uh, pretty much the only thing I can offer from there is uh, your name in the back of the--back of the book or on the page of the book, but essentially aside from that, um, just wanted to remind everybody of the donations' levels. Hmm... yeah, so $10 for one full written, drawn and... wait a minute, um, oh right. Ahh, shoot. Uh, let me just start from the beginning here.

As a devoted fan to the Sonichu and Rosechu comic--comic book series, I'm certain you do want to see more pages, since I ended up with creator's--creator's block, and forced into hiatus--in 2007, still working on building the routine to get myself back on drawing on a daily basis, and createning on--creating on a daily basis and everything. Yeah, still doing that. Uhh, working on the trying to make a schedule and getting on that routine and I have my own typical... uhh, unexpected and incoming stresses and life problems. Mmm, but anyway if you don't feel like, uhh, buying a big thing you can donate as little as one dollar.

{{Transcription}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and the law

2016-04-03T03:13:40Z

Sipothac: Yes, it is. What Chris is doing is well within the lines of the First Sale doctrine, meaning (paraphrasing) once you've bought a copyrighted work you can do whatever you want with it up until and including selling said object.

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps a watchful eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal his already-stolen characters.]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]]'s usual solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously [[naïve]] at worst. Chris legitimately believes trolling is illegal. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-President [[George W. Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact current President, [[Barack Obama]], to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting hanky-panky]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking one cigarette]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for those who enforce the law:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, we'll likely never know.

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray a quick spritz on his chest without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Walmart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent, when in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==
The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On [[Twin Falling Towers|11 September]] [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After 2 hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

5 days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as]] [[CWC is Angry|a dartboard]]--still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|3 new videos]] posted after an 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused Mike of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (like pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Mike did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PlayStation 3]] and numerous children's [[toys]].

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and 2 misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''3rd'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. It appears that the Virginia justice system had finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and [[Barb|his mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===
[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On the 12th April, Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes--Chris's prostitute was codenamed [[Mia Hamm]], as seen on the website. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdemeanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 [[April 2012]], Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris bolted once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing an [[HEXBox|Potatobox One]] display at a Wal-Mart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

===2015 and 2016===
Thoughout most of 2015 Chris behaved himself, presumably because his sojourn to the jailhouse was fresh in his memory. His punishment for the pepper spray incident was eventually decided (after '''seven''' hearings) in October - a very light sentence of a three-figure fine and a six-month prison sentence that he won't have to serve unless he breaks the law again during probation.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to ''sue the school for restraining him''.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but as usual never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (it turned out to be [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese establishment the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* When Barb and Bob had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, [[Borb]] claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." This came after threatening to sue Mimms and Lucas for doing exactly that.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob simply won't have a bar of the concept that an individual can be prohibited from private property, saying, "it's a business place," which has absolutely no bearing on private property laws.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, her bad health and her hopeless, dependent clod of a son seem to have helped earn her some clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and served a two year probation.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
Chris believes the police in real life are corrupt, and sees them in the same light as he sees the Jerkops in his comic- the Jerkops act as a stand-in for police who wronged him, and are portrayed as being impostors with no legal authority (probably indicating that Chris does not recognize real policemen as legitimate authority). In light of these things, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris inexplicably portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris orated about a law he wanted made in order to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using the ad space he paid for:

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris}}

As one can see, Chris is seeking the direct intervention of the president of his country and beseeching him to [[Chris and reality|outlaw advertisements he doesn't like.]] Aside from the fact that Obama himself couldn't have done anything about this, the fact is that Chris was mandated by law to display the ads Jack paid to display. Chris should have written to his congressman about this rather than the president, but either way he would have received no response.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|More than a decade ago]], she put a stop to Chris [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting sex]] on her campus. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|War ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his behaviour]]. Six years later, in [[2009]], Chris decided it was time to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Her reaction was to file a trespassing notice. Chris disastrously believed that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to sender, he wasn't liable for it.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref> Thankfully, Chris didn't trespass again.

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, presumably disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two, he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings (purely for his own benefit of course), thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

In the aftermath of distancing himself from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. The details are unknown, but Chris essentially wants to make so that online, nobody can ever speak negatively of anybody else under threat of prosecution. There do exist laws against cyber-crime and online harassment but these laws vary by country (and concern rather more serious deeds than drawing [[Rosechu]] with a dick), and so even if Chris's law were somehow implemented federally, only his fellow USA residents would actually be held accountable. Chris is failing to comprehend that people besides Americans use the internet, or worse, assuming the entire world can be held to the USA's laws.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
The law, such as it is, in the comics is a horrifying totalitarianism where anybody anywhere is subject to the whims of a dictator. In CWCville, Chris is "mayor" (read: god-king) and has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a US$1,500 fine (which Chris [[Chris and Money|considers an equally bad punishment]]. CWCville has its own currency (despite being nothing more than a small city) and why fines are levied in USD is unknown.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Importing tobacco or alcohol incurs a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus often congregate to "protest" for women's rights. These protests usually involve nudity and/or pornography. They campaign for basic, archaic things like eligibility to vote, suggesting Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

It is never clear whether or not CWCville is legally a part of the United States (and thus subject to its federal laws) as Chris characteristically sends mixed messages a lot - some things are distinctly American (the aforementioned USD fines, for instance) but CWCville has its own currency, and its own set of "laws", the likes of which would never be permitted in a developed or even undeveloped country, even if CWCville were some sort of Vatican-like sovereign state. The only arrangement that makes even the slightest amount of sense is that CWCville is just that - a sovereign state, on US soil. Chris doesn't seem to have thought this out though, and evidently believes the mayor of a town is legally entitled to act as an authoritarian dictator.

As a mayor, Chris does nothing bureaucratic, ever, and makes [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the paperwork (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] in the series and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and violent anarchy. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> Add this to the fact that Chris cannot be deposed as mayor ("there [[Chris and English|is]] no elections") and the fact that the police and a fleet of superpowered goons obey literally anything Chris demands of them, and it paints a very frightening picture. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

Even though Chris's deranged laws exist only within his city-state-country-whatever of CWCville, he exacts his deranged fury unto people whether they're actually in his jurisdiction or not. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] shows four distinct crimes committed outside of CWCville: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Chris may be able to commit murder without being reprimanded, but of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

Were it not obvious by now, any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) mayor.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and the law

2016-04-01T05:13:19Z

Sipothac: Chris has as much right to sell Amiibo for a profit as anyone else, he bought the Amiibo, he can do nearly anything he wants, that includes covering them in gobs of Crayola Fuckin' Model Magic and selling them.

I`m sorry for the lack of mic audio in the Destiny Stream

2016-03-26T09:12:16Z

Sipothac:

'''I`m sorry for the lack of mic audio in the Destiny Stream''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on March 24, 2016, apologizing for the silent video [[CWC`s Destiny Start]]. Ironically, Chris's Controller Pad was the one that caused the problem. And yet in this video, he replugs it into his controller, which cuts off the audio yet again, and causes the PS4 to begin attempting to load ''The Playroom'', put up a facecam, and create numerous graphical artefacts.
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = I`m sorry for the lack of mic audio in the Destiny Stream
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-tw7F9lPsuo}}
| stardate = 24 [[March 2016]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
|subject= {{Video games|text}}
| shirt = blue tank top
| previous = [[CWC`s Destiny Start]]
| next =
}}
</center>
==Transcript==
''Chris is standing in front of his makeshift [[Amiibo]] painting table, which is cluttered with art supplies. A picture in picture showing the same visuals a second time is in the top right''.

[The video starts with Chris already mid-sentence]

-Of which I've uhh- just realized that apparently my... mic in my camera has been- have been temporally disabled. I didn't realize that I should have unplugged [Chris raises his right hand to show a PS4 Type Pad controller attachment] the keypad from my controller, because apparently, you know, it has a little headphone [Chris moves the Type Pad and controller together, fumbling to connect the two; he continues talking while doing this] thing that goes into the jack on the controlerr-r-

[The audio from Chris's microphone is instantly cut off as he finally manages to connect the Type Pad into his controller]

[The screen rapidly flips between the no video symbol and Chris's room until finally resting on Chris's room]

[Chris motions silently, failing to realize that connecting the Type Pad had once again muted his audio]

[After a small amount of time Chris removes the Type Pad and audio resumes just as Chris ends a sentence]

-st. I should have just- I should have just unplugged it in the first place, that's why, okay? Yeah... So again I apologize for that, I'll just remember for future stream broadcasts I'll just leave this thing unplugged I mean it's a great thing to have, you know, for... [Chris reaches down and raises a PS3 controller with a keypad attached] similar to what we originally had for PS3 with the keypad that was on top... They could have done something wi-[Chris placed the PS3 controller down] they could have done something like that for this you know... just have it not be on top of the uhh- [Chris motions to his PS4 controller] touch pad, could have done it similar. I don't know maybe hooked it to the uhh- USB port there [Chris points to the USB port on the bottom of the controller] to keep it in place, that's beyond me and whatever. Okay, well that's just t' let 'chall know. Thank you and have a good day.
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]

Arthur Spatchcock Interviews

2016-01-27T23:29:41Z

Sipothac: the soundcloud tracks were removed for some reason, so i linked a mirror

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{| cellpadding="0" cellspacing="4" style="background-color: #ffff88; border: 2px solid #00B7EB; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"
|-
| [[Image:Stress.jpg|120px| ]]
| '''This section is still yet to be completed due to [[stress]].'''We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this section will be completed as soon as possible, and more images added, at our own pace...''[[HONEST]]!''
|-
|}</div>

[[Sonichu comic|Sonichu]] fan CatKnight/MasterDisaster AKA Arthur Spatchcock of England interviews our [[Chris|TRUE AND HONEST hero]], posing as an interested English entrepreneur. Chris is completely fooled, despite the affected English accent fluctuating a good deal, and even tries to British it up himself by responding ad nauseam with "quite" and "indeed". Naturally, numerous tangents that are totally inappropriate for a business call occur.
[[File:weeaboo.jpg|thumb|The resemblance is uncanny.]]
== Highlights ==
Chris reveals the plot for upcoming pages in [[Sonichu 11]], rants about [[Evan]] and how [[Barb]] does not look like a Snorlax, and claims that he looks like [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Neptune]].

== Transcript ==

'''''Part 1'''''

'''Chris''': Hello?

'''Arthur:''': Hello there! Yes, Christine!

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': It is my distinct honour to be talking to you. As you know, I'm [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|Arthur Spatchcock]]. It's a pleasure, really it is.

'''Chris''': ...Thank you.

'''Arthur:''': I've been a long-time fan of [[Sonichu]]. I mean, implacably so.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Arthur:''': My favourite character, actually, is [[Magi-Chan]], to be honest.

'''Chris''': ...Oh, do tell me why?

'''Arthur:''': Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.

'''Chris''': Quite, he is the [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|psychic type]], after all.

'''Arthur:''': Right, yes. And I absolutely love the fact that, you know, he can plan things accordingly and contact everyone, simultaneously, and get that plan out.

'''Chris''': He can also see into the future a bit as well.

'''Arthur:''': How far into the future can he see, actually? He doesn't want to ruin his own future, right?

'''Chris''': Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see quite a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.

'''Arthur:''': Right, he wouldn't want to time-logic himself, accidentally mess up the future by trying to affect it.

'''Chris''': Quite.

'''Arthur:''': Yes. Also a big fan of [[Rosechu]]; I think every, I think every Sonichu fan loves Rosechu.

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Arthur''': Of course. Now, as I said, I'm interviewing you because I want to get some personal information about Sonichu and a little bit about yourself.

'''Chris''': Uh--

'''Arthur:''': For example, I cannot wait to see some more pages of the latest chapter -- [[Sonichu 11|chapter eleven]] -- great, the Christmas special was fantastic; loving [[Kevin]] as a character, by the way.

'''Chris''': ...Okay, thank you.

'''Arthur:''': But uh, are there more coming? Because I can tell you right now, I know a few rabid fans, my niece included, who can't wait to see some more.

'''Chris''': Yes, uh, yes, more pages will be coming and are still, are still in the, uh, works, it just, uh, depends on my mood, and how I feel in a days, 'cause...

'''Arthur:''': Oh yes, we -- we all get [[Stress|the frumps]].

'''Chris''': Nobody's perfect.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, we all get the frumps.

'''Chris''': ...Quite. But they're still-- they're still in my mind, and in the processes, and everything. I just take it one moment at a time and I do what I can when I'm able.

'''Arthur:''': Absolutely, you go at your pace, that's what I expect. I don't want you to rush yourself.

'''Chris''': ...Indeed.

'''Arthur:''': And as for your [[medallions]] and stuff, I'm still thinking about getting one, but honestly, I just don't know where I could ever wear it.

'''Chris''': Ha! I know: you could always, display it at the very least.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, very true. And your [[Amiibo]] collection is getting quite large, actually.

'''Chris''': ...Well I have a wide variety of characters, and uh, a few more to come out, there's-- to expect.

'''Arthur:''': Have you considered releasing a box set at some point, with a special edition? Maybe -- ooh! How about this: a Christian-- a Christine Weston Chandler ultimate box set, the first edition set, all ten of the original completed comics, and a medallion of your choice, for a hundred dollars.

'''Chris''': [''minor [[stress sigh]]''] [[Chris and Money|For a hundred dollars]]? Th-that's, that's quite, that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...

'''Arthur:''': Oh, well we can worry about those details in the uh, the process, the manufacturing aspect. I'm talking about after we make this stuff BIG, Christine. Not right now. Once you get some-- once you actually get some, uh, CLOUT behind Sonichu, you won't have to worry about things like funding anymore.

'''Chris''': ...Well... Uh I'll just, I'll just wait and see how it comes about, and when it comes about I'll be able to plan better.

'''Arthur:''': Precisely. So, okay, I guess we should get to the question [fine?]. This conversation's great, but I don't want to waste all of your time, you might-- you must be ''very busy'' working on smaller projects as is.

'''Chris''': Quite, indeed.

'''Arthur:''': Indeed indeed. All right, so I guess the first question is: if Sonichu [[Jimmy Hill|were brought over here to Europe]] -- you know, Britain and all that, I guess if you want to be technical -- um, how do you think he would be best implemented? As a [[Sonichu the animated series|cartoon]], or maybe a [[Asperchu|comic]]?

'''Chris''': I'm sure probably both.

'''Arthur:''': A cartoon and a comic, that's ambitious.

'''Chris''': Eventually, uh, I would do the, the voice-acting of Sonichu and myself, personally.

'''Arthur:''': Now that is a question I do have to bring up. With the, um, with the change you've made in your life, going from "Chris" to "Christine," that is an interesting aspect based on the original comic pages. How do you plan on altering that, to fit into the storyline?

'''Chris''': It's been, it's been implemented during the, uh, during the eleventh book here--

'''Arthur:''': Ah, it is.

'''Chris''': It is, it is a bit of, I think I've mentioned it as a bit of a hint, of that, uh, amongst the recent pages I've uploaded, but if not there is something that will be hinted in the upcoming pages, of which I do have planned, which where everybody's gathered around the Christmas tree in the shopping mall.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, you've been bringing up that Christmas party on the last update of the comic, and let me tell you, I was absolutely surprised you had to stop right there. You could have just gone a little further.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but, yeah, it just depends on my pace and my mood, and uh, all the other projects and everything that goes on in my life, it's just, [[Lego|it's really]] [[video games|busy]] [[television|around here]].

'''Arthur:''': Understandable, understandable.

'''Chris''': ...I mean, I certainly do a lot around here, and uh, our funds are, most of our-- [[Monthly tugboat|mostly fixed, yet uh, limited, and can be varying]], but-- but for the most part we get by fairly well throughout the month.

'''Arthur:''': You're not hurting or anything, are you? I mean, you're not like, you're not stuck eating ramen noodles and uh, cups of water, are you?

'''Chris''': No. We get-- no, we get by fairly well. We, uh, [[Chris and English|we try to eat very well and good]].

'''Arthur:''': I myself had some eggies in a basket today and some toad-in-the-hole which were really good.

'''Chris''': I, warmed up a batch-- warmed up a couple of eggs with spinach to make green eggs and ham.

'''Arthur:''': Really now? How did that turn out, was it good?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': Hmm, I'll have to try that sometime.

'''Chris''': I mean, look it up on the internet, you uh, you put, you, uh, put the eggs in the-- in there with the, with the pieces of the spinach leaves, and mix 'em together to put [point?] to the frying pan, and put in whatever else you kn-- you might like, some salt or [?], and-- or maybe even put the-- put pieces of ham IN to the eggs, make yourself, uh, kind of an omelette there, as well. It'll work out pretty good.

'''Arthur:''': So you really are taking care of yourself physically. I've noticed in the last couple of videos that you've done, you've been looking a lot slimmer.

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Arthur:''': It's nice to see you taking care of yourself.

'''Chris''': Yes, I try to get out and about, uh, most days of the week, and get at least, uh, the thousand to ten thousand steps, if not greater.

'''Arthur:''': Ten thousand steps, that's impressive. ...Even I don't get that many, but I sit in front of a computer all day doing work, so I don't have that choice.

'''Chris''': I'm sitting behind my-- I'm sitting behind my desk or, uh, sit-- or sitting with the dogs, and uh, giving them some time, but I try and make time for my family as well, during-- during each day.

'''Arthur:''': How has [[Barb|your mother]] been? If I'm not digging too deep; if that's going too far, just let me know.

'''Chris''': My mother-- my mother is in quite good health. She is not, uhh, lazy or fat like a Snorlax, like, uh, some people would claim.

'''Arthur:''': I've-- I've seen the jokes, I find them in completely poor taste.

'''Chris''': Yes, very poor taste. And quite most inaccurate.

'''Arthur:''': Now, one thing that does come to mind is that I know there are quite a few people out there who have besmirched your name; not only yours, but your creations as well. This "[[Asperchu]]," as he was called? Was completely asinine, if I remember correctly?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': Now, this per-- now this person won't make an appearance if we try to bring this business deal to light, will he?

'''Chris''': Mmph... Yeah, Asperchu is definitely not a canon character, except for, uh, in [[Sonichu 10|book ten]], where, to-- tried to put a damper on the... [[Parody|parodies]]... of my character, which is considerable parody of the other two characters, of [[Sonic]] and [[Pokemon|Pikachu]]. Yeah, but essentially, that's where I tried to remedy and tried to make-- him-- make him to be better, as in, uh, [important?] Among which, drawn to look better, definitely-- the way that guy drew his characters, and pages? It was just so blocky, and that's not really, quite all that befitting.

'''Arthur:''': Oh, understandable. I mean he's besmirching your name, he's stealing your [[copyright]], of course it's not going to look as good as the original.

'''''Part 2'''''

'''Chris''': But then also the way my [[hair]] turned out, after the semi-permanent hair colour, [[Chris and reality|kind of makes me look like Sailor Nep-- Neptune]].

'''Arthur:''': Yes, I see the resemblance.

'''Chris''': And I find that quite-- quite favourable, 'cause it's, in the anime she was an artiste as well, on the violin.

'''Arthur:''': I would suggest-- I would suggest, Christine, that if you really want to bring out that blue colour, that you should pick a lighter colour first and start with that, and then hit it with the blue, and it will come out extremely vibrant.

'''Chris''': I'll keep that in mind.

'''Arthur:''': Like, go with a um, like a blonde or a platinum blonde, and THEN wait a few days to hit it with that blue? And it'll hit that battery blue colour you're looking for perfectly.

'''Chris''': Mmkay.

'''Arthur:''': Because it would really bring out the colour in your eyes, you know?

'''Chris''': Indeed.

'''Arthur:''': ...Okay, so we left off at Sonichu, if I remember correctly?

'''Chris''': Oh, yeah, we were talking about, we were talking about the Asperchu part.

'''Arthur:''': That's right, we were talking about Asperchu. I noticed there's a few other things, like when you brought Simonla back from the dead. That was a very ballsy move, I have to say.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I just don't care about [[Evan|the guy]] who created his Simonchu and claiming that [[Simonla]] was based off of that? That's not the case at all. I mean, even long before Simonchu ever came about from my viewpoint, I wanted to make a ground-type character, among which, and-- and uh, I wanted-- I definitely had in mind amongst which, uh, drill arms, and that sort of thing, but I just never really could figure out the, uh, shape and formula in my head. But then eventually I did see the Simonchu, and... and from, and from that, uh, I took a little out-- I took a little bit, here and there, and I made the Rosechu character. And, uh, I mean, Simonla is, was-- I got that name based off of the, uh, movie that's called "Simone"? Uhh, which uh, that was about a holographic, uh, woman, that was [tinted?] as a famous singer.

'''Arthur:''': I see, I see, yes. Well you know, all that copyright infringement and stuff, everything, I don't think you'll have to worry about that. I mean, the person would have to come forward and complain about it, and what are the odds of that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, quite. And plus, definitely stronger than his Simonchu with the simitanium bones and recovery aspect, similar to Wolverine.

'''Arthur:''': Actually, I looked up simitanium, and it's an actual thing.

'''Chris''': Huh, it is. I thought I just made it up.

'''Arthur:''': No. It's actual-- I don't think it has much to do with what you're talking about, but it's actually [[wikipedia:Itanium|an electronic thing]] with [[computer]]s.

'''Chris''': Huh. Well, chalk it up to coincidence, definitely, 'cause I never heard of that.

'''Arthur:''': No, no, completely coincidental. I mean, it seems to work; I mean, after all, it's basically given her Wolverine-like powers.

'''Chris''': Uh, yes. And then the irony, com-- going to computers and electronics, she's a ground and electric type, it turns out to work out pretty good.

'''Arthur:''': Hm. Maybe you should point that out sometime, make it a part-- make it a part of the character.

'''Chris''': I'll make a little [[Random Access Humor|joke]] out of that at one point, then.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, sounds like a good idea to me. So we were talking about Sonichu, and like I said, you won't have to worry-- hope too much about some of your, um, less than desirable people. I know that you went on a bit of a hiatus for a while; you came back, stronger than ever. I mean, I thought Sonichu was dead and gone forever, but then you came back with new comics, and new medallions and Amiibos, and I was blown away.

'''Chris''': Yes. I never meant-- I w-- I was never meant-- I mean, Sonichu was not dead. I never meant for that to be uh, the outcome there. I fell into the hiatus because I felt overwhelmed with the stress, and uhh... [[Mental Block|shoot, what's the word there I'm trying to think of]]... Well anyway, I just-- I just felt overwhelmed from between the internet trolls laying me down, and I had to take my webpages down because of them hacking into it. And it just killed-- it just killed my inspiration for a while. And then eventually I realised that trolls are people, and I started find-- and especially after I identified myself as a female soul trapped in this male body, and a lesbian transwoman from that? I def-- I definitely was able to turn my self-esteem around from that, but uh, I still need improvements here and there.

'''Arthur:''': Oh no, you seem more confident than ever.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': Honestly, you seem more confident than you did five years ago, and that's great.

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Arthur:''': ...It's nice to see that you've finally came to terms with the fact that if you can't beat the trolls, you just ignore them.

'''Chris''': Yes. And definitely to quote the WatchMojo dot com Top Ten Internet Trolls, it definitely puts in better perspective that they are still just people, don't know how better communicate in better words, or emotions. ...But yeah, nobody's perfect, anyway.

'''Arthur:''': Right. ...Okay, so so far we've covered Sonichu, we've covered, um, the people from your past that hopefully won't come forward trying to claim rights to Sonichu; we wouldn't want THAT issue when we're trying to set up our little endeavour.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': Now the last thing we need to talk about is your input on this. Now, you said you wanted to voice Sonichu AND yourself in the show. That makes sense.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Arthur:''': Are there any other characters-- Now, honestly, there are a few characters we simply cannot touch. Now I noticed you brought in Ren Skysoar to replace Doctor Robotnik. Now that's a good start, but I can tell you right now that my associates CANNOT get Sonic into that show easily.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Although I tell you, um, definitely I was able to rectify the problem in book one, where Simonla disguised hers-- transformed, and made herself into Sonic, for that book, and then definitely later into Amy Rose just for the [walk-in?].

'''Arthur:''': Okay. So that will definitely cover those small bases. Because honestly, we can't touch characters like, you know, we can't touch Robotnik, we can't touch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, because that'll just create all kinds of issues with other companies, and they're gonna, they're all gonna want their piece of the pie. And let's face it, you don't want your piece to get any smaller.

'''Chris''': Quite, mm. What makes you bring in the, uh, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, if I may ask?

'''Arthur:''': You remember, that scene when they're inside the, the restaurant, when Son-- uh, no, it's the mall, and Sonichu and Rosechu are eating at the restaurant, and you've got the little meatwad thing on the table?

'''Chris''': Oh, oh, oh yeah. Yes, just to make a little-- fun happy-- fun-- yeah. I do remember that part, yeah.

'''Arthur:''': You've got to be careful, because I can tell you right now, people on the internet'll notice the smallest things and point them out.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but it's not pertinent to the story or whatever.

'''Arthur:''': It might not hurt anything.

'''Chris''': It's not gonna be repeated.

'''Arthur:''': We'll-- Oh, I'm sorry, please continue.

'''Chris''': It'll definitely be revealed in, uh, a later part that after I've made apparent in the Facebook post that Sonichu is allergic to [[Pickle|pickles]].

'''Arthur:''': Yes, I find that-- I've always found his allergy to pickles to be quite hilarious.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And uh, kind of a spoiler, there will be a part in a future story where he-- where pretty much in a dream scenario, he has to swim in a river of essentially pickle brine juice.

'''Arthur:''': Oh no.

'''Chris''': And he blows up during the swim.

'''Arthur:''': Really? So he's like, he's like deathly allergic to pickles?

'''Chris''': Quite.

'''Arthur:''': He better hope he gets an [?] after that.

'''Chris''': Well he's quite, uh, he's quite strong, so he's able to survive it, and at the end of the river is uh, is a healing pond at which he recovers from the allergy fairly quick.

'''Arthur:''': Well I guess that will definitely take care of that problem.

'''Chris''': Yep.

'''Arthur:''': Now are you going to be introducing any more new characters into the series? Because right now you've already got quite a collection of people already ready to go. But seeing as how previous villains in the series have either been arrested, or, or gone, or dead, or missing, I should say, are you introducing new villains into the series based on the current, you know, issues in your life?

'''Chris''': I would say that's still yet to be determined. But at least I was-- at least I am definitely glad to give Count Graduon a past human form with which to lead into his spirit, and um, [[Duck|very small]] spoiler, among the uh, people he'll be bringing in uh, the bodies, he finds somebody that looks nearly exactly like he used to, and he brings in-- he becomes one of the Jerkops, so he brings him in and moves his soul from the Metal Sonichu into that body.

'''Arthur:''': Now I gotta tell you right now, I definitely want to see more Metal Sonichu.

'''Chris''': Yeah, you'll definitely see Graduon's soul in Metal Sonichu's body, and uh, Skysoar will be employed under Graduon, and he'll make a few more of them.

'''Arthur:''': See, what you need in the series, I think to really push the bad guys now, instead of just having Jerkops, you need like, robotic Jerkops, like 2.0.

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, pretty much, uh...

'''Arthur:''': After all, when you have a hero like Sonichu... Sonichu is already pretty powerful, and all of his friends are pretty strong too. You need to start adding that concept of conflict by making the enemies tougher too.

'''Chris''': ...Yes, that will be taken under consideration. I already have a few-- I already have a few ideas on my mind, among which. But that is definitely one I could definitely add into, uh, the uh, into the Jerkop and Janekops, there.

'''Arthur:''': Because--

'''Chris''': Make 'em-- make 'em a bit cyborg.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, you know, it's like, uh, it's like Power Rangers, the original Power Rangers, with Zordon? When they had the Putties, and then they had the Lord Zedd Putties?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ...Quite. But anyway, yes, I will take all that under great consideration.

'''Arthur:''': Just ideas to implement. You know, create-- because after all, if you're going to make a cartoon, you definitely want it to be action-packed for the kids.

'''Chris''': Uh, yes, action-packed, but also would like to be able to, put a good lesson or positive story in, every now and then.

'''Arthur:''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Put a nice little bit of Column A, and a little bit of Column B, and that makes sure you've got a great show for kids.

'''Chris''': Yes. I do agree.

'''Arthur:''': Because after all, your core demographic are the kids, you want them, 'cause they're the ones who are gonna get their kids-- their parents to buy them Sonichu action figures, and Sonichu video games.

'''Chris''': Yep, definitely in there amongst my pipe dreams, there.

'''Arthur:''': Well, the great thing about a pipe dream is it's always there. So if you try hard enough, it might happen.

'''Chris''': Yes. Thank you.

'''Arthur:''': We're slowly building the foundations, here. Right now, this is the foundation. I'm going to show this to my superiors, and we're gonna see where things go from there.

'''Chris''': That sounds good.

'''Arthur:''': I will get back to you, and I will share their ideas with you, to see what the next step is.

'''Chris''': All right. That's good. And uh, definitely be sure to, uh, when you, when you broadcast this interview, to talk about my CWCVille shopping store on [[Etsy]].

'''Arthur:''': Absolutely.

'''Chris''': And uh-- and I'm guessing that you do have to link to that, so copy and paste that to the storefront.

'''Arthur:''': Of course.

'''Chris''': And, this-- this has been good.

'''Arthur:''': Yes, it's been a great conversation. Like I said before, it was a glorious opportunity to get this first opportunity to speak with you.

'''Chris''': Yes, thank you.

'''Arthur:''': Of course. You're one of my-- I'm one of your biggest fans.

'''Chris''': Thank you very much, I really do appreciate th-- your support, and everyone's sup-support, regardless of them being good or bad or trolls or bullies or indifferent.

'''Arthur:''': Well, you know what they say, Christine: all-- no publicity is bad publicity.

'''Chris''': I have heard that, yes.

'''Arthur:''': So even if people, even if people are being [[jerks]] and making fun of you, they're still bringing attention to you, and bringing attention to you brings attention to Sonichu.

'''Chris''': Yes. I have realised that.

'''Arthur:''': All right, Christine. I think we've covered enough on this first little meeting. I'll get back to you in a few days to see how things have turned out with my superiors.

'''Chris''': Okay, thank you, Arthur.

'''Arthur:''': No problem, Christine, you have a nice evening.

'''Chris''': Yes, you have a good evening, too. Y'all take care.

'''Arthur:''': Thank you.

'''Chris''': Bye bye.

'''Arthur:''': Goodbye.

== The Interview ==
<s>Part 1:
[https://soundcloud.com/cat-knight-430471584/part-1-christine/s-iCiQa|Part 1]
Part 2:
[https://soundcloud.com/cat-knight-430471584/part-2/s-o9B33|Part 2]</s>

Youtube Mirror: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2foze6TYvE]

Update 1/25/2016

2016-01-27T09:54:18Z

Sipothac:

'''Update 1/25/2016''' is a video uploaded on the 25th of January, 2016. Chris, with a towel-[[Twin Falling Towers|turban]] wrapped around his head, claims that the snow is delaying delivery of his orders; afterwards, he reads a poem sent in by a female fan.
== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 1/25/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1JN4HjHjj7Q}}
| stardate = 25 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Purple T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 1/17/2016]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==

Hello. Good day once again to all my people on the internet. Christine Chandler coming to you live from house. Yep. And as I just posted and shared on my Facebook, it is literally up to my knees out there with snow; it was even taken past the street into the mailbox. It's gonna be quite longer before anyone gets the car out. So, might not be till the end of the week till I'm able to ship the recent orders out, but the patience will be rewarded. And I appreciate everybody's continued support and patience, and patience, as well as any new orders that come in.

And then we have another...on that note, I would like to present a poem from uh, from a fan who has, uh, made a request unto me, and this is an unpaid solicitation. So, anyways, uh, she writes:

<poem>"Dear Christine,
You've brought smiles to my face over the years,
I've felt so much joy at your triumphs,
And pain over your tears,
I first found you online only when I was fifteen,
And found you the most fun online [pauses] person that I've ever seen,
I know you haven't had...haven't had it easy,
So often life has been tough,
But you stayed true to yourself,
And that's the thing I love,
So stay happy Christine,
Appreciate the good, ignore the rest,
There's still a true fan like me out there,
Who always thinks you're the best."</poem>

That...that's very nice and lovely. Thank you.

Anyway, so, that's about it for today. I'm continuing work on the orders and everything, I'll have as much as I can shipped out, right after I get out of the house by about the end of the week. Y'all have a great, safe day. Thank you.

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Father Call

2016-01-25T12:49:18Z

Sipothac:

[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matt is apparently a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial]] [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours, Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''[[Documentary|Portal]]'' is occasionally heard in the background.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weight-lifting prowess. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous when Chris does it again.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]].
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found said video especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]].
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like," but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother.
* Chris doesn't let the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working discourage him, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he won't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a fake girlfriend.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt asks him what he learned from the novel, and Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots don't make videos mocking 9/11.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in'' the conversation). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the 2 was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his elementary school principal and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" to be a cast-iron rule, rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly attempts to end the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter; Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

{{Improve|runtimes|accurately correct transcripting}}

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh… [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[extremely uncomfortable laughter]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Crap Hits the Fan===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down…

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to… Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I… [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in…

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===More Crap Hits the Fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot…

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of…

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to… [''stress sigh'']… heavy weights! I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate…

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing…

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I… oh! And you don't think…!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]… That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' What… what the fu… are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this… are you comparing…

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life…

===Kacey Returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is… I mean… this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful…

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like… of course, you remember when we lost grandma…

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it…

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like…

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah…

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well… yeah…

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah… [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well… believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You… are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read… was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I… have… learned… that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lennie throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's…

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah… did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is… just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus… hm… Atticus… hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss… man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I… I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff… candy… don't… I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell…

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I…

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're…[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't… with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS…

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after… a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but… how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe… maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't… [''sputters'']… don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well… yeah, well, I can't…

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I…

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so… you may not think so…

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she… she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look…

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it… I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I… wh… no. [''pause''] I, I… [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just… grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is… this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is… she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W… well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around… what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No…

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than…

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about…

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Matthew:'''/font> Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''3FF">'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that…

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']…

'''Matthew:''' You don't… it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just…

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O… kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me… Tell me… How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to… how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That… I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really… Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long… Do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say…

'''Matthew:''' And play… Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking…

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright… [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that… yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine…

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't… Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I…

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah… let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well…

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is… that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you…

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like… a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly… as a friend… a true friend, a good friend…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image…

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I… am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual…

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic… if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't… do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You… you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I… I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't… That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because… I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would… [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No… [''exasperated sigh'']… no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''…?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is… Man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so… [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'… you crossed the line. You've just… you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you… wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I… no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making… mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even…?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel… [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay… here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli… What are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with… I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school… prinstapull… and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of…

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I… it was not a retard! No… It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not…

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy… This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental… If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res… I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's… that's… that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't… I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that… I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you… have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes… anything, any of this creepy… shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well… first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet…

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of… I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean… I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's… $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm… let's see… That would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least… They're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well… good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you…

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now?===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's… that's…

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe… You know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything…di, uh… Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess… maybe I… did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say… good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso… what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Update 1/17/2016

2016-01-20T22:46:31Z

Sipothac: original video was privatized, changed youtube id to a mirror

'''Update 1/17/2016''' is a video uploaded on the aforementioned date. Here, Chris passive-aggressively expresses his rage and jealousy over the fact that Jeff/Francine is holding a slumber party exactly like his.

At this point, Chris has taken to [[Chris and money|panhandling]] for his primary source of [[Monthly tugboat|income]]. In addition, it seems that Chris now has a new troll on his hands.

Facts aside, it seems that Chris has revived the famous [[Captain's Log]] series under the more mundane title, "Update". This style of naming videos is very similar to how Chris led into his Sagas, eventually having the titles devolve into mindless raving and ranting.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 1/17/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7GTT3J9fOhQ}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = "Rainbow Dash" T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 01/12/2016]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==

Hello and good day once again my fellow people. I am here at my desk and I am working on the figures. Still catching up I am getting so much closer, I'm just about done with catching up with the orders. But still could use some more money coming in so... more orders would be appreciated as well as donations. But anyway it's all going well and good.

And also... yes... I'm retracting my previous engagement in the video and uhh... I hereby announce that you should totally go to Jeff's party. ''*Chris's voice becomes noticeably sarcastic*'' It will be so off the hook. I mean... it's totally not a bullshit imitation of my party. Bullshit imitation. Like mine would be so much better, or like his would be much better than mine. No difference. Oh yeah and Jeff is totally a super nice gal and all. Not a total asshole. So contact Mistress Jeff if you want more details on going to her party. Yeah. Totally off the haps, off the ropes and everything.

''*his voice jarringly goes back to normal*'' That's about it for right now, thank you everybody. Have a good safe day. If you get some snow outside well, make sure you're parked with the windshield facing the sun in the early morning. In other words, facing the east. So you'll have a more melted windshield quickly. Thank you.

''Five seconds of silence as Chris fiddles with his remote to stop the recording''
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Update 1/17/2016

2016-01-19T01:18:44Z

Sipothac: /* Transcription */

'''Update 1/17/2016''' is a video uploaded on the aforementioned date. Here, Chris expresses his rage and jealousy over the fact that Jeff/Francine is holding a slumber party exactly like his.

At this point, Chris has taken to [[Chris and money|panhandling]] for his primary source of [[Monthly tugboat|income]]. In addition, it seems that Chris now has a new troll on his hands.

Facts aside, it seems that Chris has revived the famous [[Captain's Log]] series under the more mundane title, "Update". This style of naming videos is very similar to how Chris led into his Sagas, eventually having the titles devolve into mindless raving and ranting.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 1/17/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ftpzD6gK22I}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = "Rainbow Dash" T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 01/12/2016]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==

Hello and good day once again my fellow people. I am here at my desk and I am working on the figures. Still catching up I am getting so much closer, I'm just about done with catching up with the orders. But still could use some more money coming in so... more orders would be appreciated as well as donations. But anyway it's all going well and good.

And also... yes... I'm retracting my previous engagement in the video and uhh... I hereby announce that you should totally go to Jeff's party. ''*Chris's voice becomes noticeably sarcastic*'' It will be so off the hook. I mean... it's totally not a bullshit imitation of my party. Bullshit imitation. Like mine would be so much better, or like his would be much better than mine. No difference. Oh yeah and Jeff is totally a super nice gal and all. Not a total asshole. So contact Mistress Jeff if you want more details on going to her party. Yeah. Totally off the haps, off the ropes and everything.

''*his voice jarringly goes back to normal*'' That's about it for right now, thank you everybody. Have a good safe day. If you get some snow outside well, make sure you're parked with the windshield facing the sun in the early morning. In other words, facing the east. So you'll have a more melted windshield quickly. Thank you.

''Five seconds of silence as Chris fiddles with his remote to stop the recording''
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Update 1/17/2016

2016-01-19T01:05:39Z

Sipothac: fixed youtube video id to correct video

'''Update 1/17/2016''' is a video uploaded on the aforementioned date. Here, Chris expresses his rage and jealousy over the fact that Jeff/Francine is holding a slumber party exactly like his.

At this point, Chris has taken to [[Chris and money|panhandling]] for his primary source of [[Monthly tugboat|income]]. In addition, it seems that Chris now has a new troll on his hands.

Facts aside, it seems that Chris has revived the famous [[Captain's Log]] series under the more mundane title, "Update". This style of naming videos is very similar to how Chris led into his Sagas, eventually having the titles devolve into mindless raving and ranting.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 1/17/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ftpzD6gK22I}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = "Rainbow Dash" T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 01/12/2016]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==

Hello and good day once again my fellow people. I am here at my desk and I am working on the figures. Still catching up I am getting so much closer, I'm just about done with catching up with the orders. But still could use some more money coming in so... more orders would be appreciated as well as donations. But anyway it's all going well and good.

And also... yes... I'm retracting my previous engagement in the video and I hereby announce that you should totally go to Jeff's party. It will be so off the hook. I mean... it's totally not a bullshit imitation of my party. Bullshit imitation. Like mine would be so much better, or like his would be much better than mine. No difference. Oh yeah and Jeff is totally a super nice gal and all. Not a total asshole. So contact Mistress Jeff if you want more details on going to her party. Yeah. Totally off the haps, off the ropes and everything.

That's about it for right now, thank you everybody. Have a good safe day. If you get some snow outside well, make sure you're parked with the windshield facing the sun in the early morning. In other words, facing the east. So you'll have a more melted windshield quickly. Thank you.
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Update 01/12/2016

2016-01-16T07:28:22Z

Sipothac: /* Transcription */

'''Update 01/12/2016''' was of course, created on 12 January 2016. In this video, Chris gets jealous that someone else is holding a lesbian sleepover party, and [[Hypocrisy|ironically]] gets upset that someone is [[Copyright|ripping off]] [[Brand loyalty|his merchandise]], claiming infringement left and right. His foe is the "Francine" character he [[Doxing Jeff/Francine|doxxed in November]]. Now, as then, he refers to Francine as "he-she" or simply "he" and by her male name, showing exactly how deep his professed new attitudes on LGBT affairs run.

Chris took the video down before long for unknown reasons.

== Description ==
{{quotebox|I Do NOT endorse Ouzuo's Sleepover Party at all.}}

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Update 01/12/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EnbjREQxSwY}}
| stardate = 12 [[January 2016]]
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = "Do What Makes You Happy" lilac shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.]]
|next =
}}

== Transcription ==
''Chris's voice is unusually quiet, and his expression is warped. He's clearly upset.''

Hello everybody, good evening. ''*[[Stress sigh|sigh]]*'' I am in a bit of a mood right now, not to upset my current business inputs and whatnot, buuut...

''Chris inhales sharply''

I want to make a few thi- I want to make one thing perfectly clear, uh, with the, uh, individual... er, who is <unintelligible> male to female Jeff/Francine Ouzuo's over in Seattle, Washington... hmm, has pra- has pretended to ''be'' me and er, made knockoff merchandise on my which and uh, he has... be- he has been requested to pay me in royalties and hasn't done so yet. Also uh...

''Chris breathes deeply.''

His infringement on the use of my [[Sonichu]] character is still being- is under [[English|quite]] debate, especially since because... I have not personally authorized or agreed to most anything yet, of him using my characters and likene- and likeness and whatnot. So therefore everything he is selling on his stores online...

'''No good.''' 'Specially by MY viewpoint. Aaaand... in his own strange mind, in his ide- he has the idea of quote/unquote I'm sharing the rights to Sonichu with him, TO-tally false. That is not the case at all.

And also, also upon which-AH, he is infringing on my Sonichu rights as well, including-ah, as including as stated in this invitations to his upcoming par- ''*video cuts*'' up- his upcoming party, claiming of a quote/unquote new Sonichu amiibo figure, he's playing off an old- playing off the old standby fake, because it's only using the default "Sonic" pose, and y'all know the pose I put my- put the official Sonichu figures IN, and as they SHOULD be... He's totally infringing.

So, to recap... Jeff Ouzuo's... Francine Ouzuo's... needs to be taken down... still- st- He-she still needs to pay the royalties to me very much, aaand do not go to his/her party whatsoever.

That's about it... Thank you and have a good, safe day 'n' night.

Help:A Quick Guide to CWCki

2016-01-16T07:13:27Z

Sipothac: I don't really see why these were changed out of the blue after six and a half years for no real reason, if people really want to kill the memes I guess they can undo this edit.

[[File:Chrisshotweb.jpg|right|200px]]

So you want to edit the wiki on the [[Internet]]'s [[White knights|most beloved]] and [[A-Logging|most hated]] [[autistic]] manchild? This isn't your average crappy [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article that you're getting yourself into. So here's a CWC (pronounced: 'quick') guide to the CWCki:

==When it comes to dates, be a Eurofag==
This: dd Month Year

Example: today is {{CURRENTDAY}} {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Not this: Month dd, year

Example: today is {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}, {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Likewise, avoid numerical dating ('''{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''' or '''{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''') because that confuses the hell out of people depending if you're a Eurofag or an Americunt.

While Americanized spellings are the standard, it's still a good idea to use Eurofag dating to avoid confusion.

Furthermore, it's easier to link to.

For instance, if you went with Eurofag dating, to link to a month, all it would be is:

'''<nowiki>dd [[Month Year]]</nowiki>'''

whereas an Americunt dating would be:

'''<nowiki> Month dd [[Month Year|Year]]</nowiki>'''

==When it comes to spelling, be an Americunt==
Chris is American, and so a majority of trolls. As a result, Americanized English is the standard for the CWCki. So no unnecessary vowels (unnecessary "U"s, "O"s, etc.), it's a "truck" and not a "lorry," it's an "elevator" and not a "lift," you get the idea.

However, on a similar note, please be considerate of our Eurofag brethren. Some Eurofags are not totally familiar with American TV shows, food chains, and other stuff Chris frequently references, so it is helpful to add a mild explanatory note for these (such as comparing Chris's beloved [[Golden Corral]] to Red Hot World Buffet & Bar). For instance, if a game title has a different title in Europe, by all means mention this (such as how ''[[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk'' was known as ''Animal Crossing: Let's Go to the City'' in Europe).

==The possessive form of Chris is "Chris's"==
Your [[English]] teacher was wrong. When it comes to proper nouns, you are supposed to append apostrophes even if the name ends in "s" (the exception is formal archaic names like [[GodJesus]], but then it'd be "the parables of Jesus").

Page 1 of Strunk & White's ''[[Wikipedia:The Elements of Style|The Elements of Style]]'' states this, and this is the standard [http://www.economist.com/research/styleGuide/index.cfm?page=841359 The Economist] uses. People who argue otherwise are [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Sign your comments==
If you're making a comment on the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]] or on a talk page, '''please sign your comments'''. It's four tildes in a row (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>), and can be automatically added by pressing the signature button (the ninth button shown whenever one edits a page). That way, we know who said what and don't have to go through the talk page history in order to find the original date and time of the post.

==Don't be a namefag==
'''DON'T FUCKING ADD YOURSELF.'''

The general guideline for trolls having their own articles are trolls who have interacted directly with Chris and have been referred to by Chris in some explicit way (such as [[Clyde Cash]]).

There are a few exceptions but for the most part, unless we've heard of you via Chris, you don't warrant your own article. Besides, no one probably gives a shit about your shitty troll persona or your shitty attempts at [[prank call]]ing his house.

You are however free to do with your User Page on CWCki as you wish, within reason. (For example, don't add a zillion pics not related to Chris to it, or use it as a text dump for your [[Mass debating|YouPorn]] passwords.)

==A note on notability==
Related to namefaggotry is notability.

While not as strict as [[Wikipedia:Notability in Wikipedia|Wikipedia]], CWCki still maintains a guideline of notability: '''If Chris has responded to someone or something, it warrants a mention on CWCki.'''

In other words, a random guy who makes a video response to Chris doesn't warrant their own article. Otherwise, we'd have a wiki full of guys in their basements trying to be funny by bringing up Chris and his [[recycling]].

To clarify, by the first part, someone or something that has caused a response from Chris warrants mention on CWCki. For instance, [[Evan]] warrants his own article because of the infamous [[masturbating and squirtin']] e-mail as well as [[Simonla Rosechu]]. [[Clyde Cash]] warrants his own article as Chris has made several videos threatening Clyde's life.

The major exception to this rule is any mainstream media references to Chris. No, not some random blogger or some guy on YouTube or Facebook, but actual TV, radio stations, or high-profile blogs (ex. Fark, The Atlantic, etc.). These references should be incorporated into the [[Chris in the media]] article, or the Chris-related media they cite.

And of course, anything Chris does or says is notable and deserves mention on the CWCki. This does not mean everything Chris mentions gets an article--it should just be mentioned ''somewhere,'' preferably in existing articles. There are of course exceptions that are dealt with on a case by case basis.

==Brevity is wit==
Don't ramble on unnecessarily. '''Learn to edit yourself'''. Read what you've written. Is everything in it entirely necessary? Can it be reworded to better effect? Think about what you yourself might read. Would you really be interested in reading a 10,000-page treatise on the psychology of Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|bowel movements]]? If not, then why should anybody else? And if so, then [[WTFIWWY Segment|what the hell is wrong with you?]]

This especially goes for summaries. Remember what they are--''summaries''. They shouldn't be longer than the transcription/article being commented upon. Keep psychological mumbo-jumbo to a minimum, or preferably, to yourself.

===Suppress your own urges===
This goes for people who have [[religious]] or [[political]] views, different [[sex]]ual fetishes, and/or are fans of [[anime]], [[video games]], and/or [[comics]]. Chris might own your video game or watch your anime or mention something about which you hold a very strong opinion. He may even mention it quite frequently. This doesn't mean it warrants a [[CWCki]] page, and it certainly doesn't mean that you need to reference it every third article or write about how Chris's understanding or interpretation of Contemporary Post-Trotskyist Feminine Theory is incorrect.

==LURK MOAR==
Before adding an article, check to see if it hasn't been added already. CWCki is not [[Chris and Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] or [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], so everything might not be redirected. You may have to search a bit but it helps if you look for articles before duplicating them. Same applies to images.

If you think a redirect would be appropriate for a particular search phrase, go ahead and add it: search the term you want to redirect, click on the red link between "Create the page "[insert title here]" on this wiki!", type in <nowiki># REDIRECT [[target page]]</nowiki>, and hit "save". The page will redirect with the same information; you will have to click "Save" again and perform a CAPTCHA mini-game in order to it to fully appear. Yes, it's ''beyond'' annoying, but it helps ward off spambots. Keep in mind that the phrase should be a fairly generic and common term, and relevant to the particular target.

==Privacy==
Information wants to be free, blah blah blah. While CWCki is very unabashedly uncensored (albeit far less than ED, mind you), it's wise to wait before posting things. Although Chris is very dense when it comes to denying the truth even when clearly presented to him, some trolls are sensitive about leaked info and wish that their "covers" not be "blown" so be considerate. Information about anyone Chris mentioned (be it a random [[Manajerk]] or a [[Jerkop]]) should be kept private too sometimes. Otherwise, we'd have [[weens]] e-mailing them "JUUUULLLAAYYY!!!!!" or other unfunny bullshit.

==LURK MOAR==
Some people come here straight from reading the Encyclopedia Dramatica article on Chris and decide they want their hand in editing. Unfortunately, the ED article on Chris-chan is frequently out of date, or it misses out on very recent developments.

If you're going to be editing CWCki, have a gander at Chris's [[Facebook]] pages or [[Kiwi Farms]], or hang out in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]]. They're hot sources of all the goings on with Chris, and they keep up to date with all the most recent happenings. Just don't be a fag or else you'll be banned.

Likewise, spend some time reading, watching and listening to everything Chris-related, including the chat logs, sex audio, all of his videos, [[Mumble]] chats, etc. Yes, it requires an unhealthy amount of time, and having a strong stomach to some of Chris's more grosser aspects, but you'll get deeper into the rabbit hole and want to see how far it goes. These things are generally not on the ED page and you'll miss out on a lot of details on Chris (for instance, [[Reginald Chandler]] or how Chris drinks his own [[semen]].) But if you want to take an easier shortcut, perhaps begin with sachmo's [[documentary]] about Chris, which does a generally good job at summarizing most of Chris's life.

==Dive right in==
Even though you should lurk moar, don't be afraid to edit the CWCki. ''Anyone'' can and should edit the CWCki. You do not need to "prove yourself" to get a CWCki account and you will not be banned if you make an honest mistake.

If you're posting complaints about the CWCki on PVCC, [[cwc]] or Kiwi, you're doing it wrong. If you see something wrong with the CWCki, feel free to make your opinion heard or take matters into your own hands. After all, if you want something done right, do it yourself.

==Get involved==
CWCki is (mostly) democratic. While not perfectly democratic as say, Wikipedia, users do have influence in policy. While editing articles or contributing to the CWCki in other ways should be #1, it's also good to get involved in the workings of the CWCki. Be sure to regularly check the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]], especially the [[CWCki:Policy|Policy]] and [[CWCki:News]] pages.

Being involved in the CWCki inner workings means that you get a say in how the CWCki is run and provide valuable feedback to the CWCki staff to better improve the CWCki user experience. So please, get involved, it's '''your''' CWCki.

==Try to aim for NPOV==
No, this does not mean you cannot say anything bad about Chris. Aim for ''criticism'', not outright bashing of Chris. Likewise, when dealing with other trolling sites, users, etc., try to present them in neutral terms.

So go ahead, criticize Chris, but don't try too hard. If Chris lies, it's fine to say he's a liar. But by implying that by lying he's "scum of the Earth," "a worthless piece of shit," etc. then you're [[A-Logging|just trying really too hard]].

[[CWCki:NOTED|We're not Encyclopedia Dramatica]], we're here to document Chris and mocking is mostly indirect.

===Don't be an A-Log===
A-Logs feel that Chris is a despicable human being with no redeeming qualities and want to inflict harm upon him. Chris doesn't inspire greatness, but he's not the spawn of Satan who's worse than Hitler. Don't be an A-Log, and don't purposely try to find things wrong with Chris.

==Updating [[Template:Da update|Da update]]==
[[Da update]] is perhaps what most people come to CWCki for, to see what is new with Chris. But what constitutes an update?

Chris releasing a new video? Hell yeah!

Leaked stuff with Chris in it? Definitely.

Something you heard off some guy in IRC? ...no, not really.

Something you heard off of ED? ''Fuck'' no.

In order for something to be considered update worthy, '''it has to be a publicly available media involving Chris.''' While there are many reliable sources who can provide information on Chris, it still does not hold up to encyclopedic standards, which CWCki strives to adhere to. While it is okay to incorporate such information into articles ''as'' alleged information, it is not an update to say that Chris has ''allegedly'' done something.

==Cite only publicly available media==
On a similar note, '''only publicly available forms of media are acceptable forms of citable material on CWCki.''' This means that PVCC posts, private audio files, etc. are not acceptable to cite in articles, even if the authenticity is without question.

The goal of this is to promote transparency and to allow the trolling community at large to easily verify if the citation is true or not.

==Resize your images==
Please try and resize your images so they're under 150 kb before you upload them. Seriously, it only takes, like, a minute in MS Paint to resize them. If you're not sure how, here's a [[Help:Resizing images|handy guide]] on how to resize images. Failing that, we have [[User:Fuckingstupid|resident]] [[User:Whoreos n' Milf|experts]] to answer any further questions, or to help you with resizing things.

If it's a huge animated GIF, then it better actually be amusing, or else it will be taken down and no one will cry rivers asking for it back.

==DO IT, FAGGOT/What goes on CWCki should stay on CWCki==
If you see something wrong or a mistake on CWCki, '''fix it.''' Don't start a thread on Kiwi Farms about how you saw something wrong on the CWCki and say how you can't believe it's wrong. Fix it. Don't complain about a video link being dead, find a working link and add it to the article. If you're not sure how to fix it, then make a comment in the article's talk page addressing your concern about the article and add templates. Likewise, don't make a thread about how you'd like to see CWCki address a topic. Make that article. If it sucks, it'll get deleted. If not, others will have a chance to build it up. If you dislike the quality of the CWCki, don't bitch about it on the Kiwi Farms, get involved and edit articles to make them higher quality.

Likewise, discussions pertaining CWCki should be on CWCki. If you have a beef with someone, don't bitch about them on the forums. Keep it on CWCki and things can be resolved. Likewise, if you want to collaborate with others to work on an article, you're more than welcome to go to other forums to do this but by all means mention this on the CWCki itself.

==Learn how to pipe==
Read [[Help:A Guide to Piping|this]] as a guide to linking to other articles on the site.

==Conclusion==
Follow these simple rules, and you'll become a regular CWCki wikifag in no time! So welcome to the CWCki, your one stop for everything Chris.

==See also==
*[[CWCki:CWCki is|What CWCki is and is not]]

[[Category:CWCki policy]]