CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris-chan Discusses...

2012-01-25T15:22:01Z

Smokedaddy: removed link to the deleted Wikipedia page

'''Chris-chan Discusses...''' is a series of [[July 2009]] video interviews between Larry Bundy Jr., aka "Guru Larry" of [[Wikipedia:Channel Awesome|That Guy With The Glasses.com]] (a website dedicated to video game and movie reviews) and the Internet's favorite autistic manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Guru Larry is the second big name fan of CWC, along with animator Harry Partridge.

While a normal person would see Larry is clearly insulting Chris to his face, Chris's [[autism]] prevented him from comprehending Larry's blatant sarcasm. The only thing Chris picked up on was that Larry was using the Bulk and Skull theme from ''[[Power Rangers]]'', which has negative connotations.

This was the second time that Chris gave a public interview.

==Preview (Cumming Soon...)==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|-wLuussu4iQ}}</center>

{{quote|Yep. Hello.}}

===Transcript===

Larry: Hello, and welcome to my very first interview with various people… from the Internet! And with me tonight, we have [[Christian Weston Chandler]]… uh, best known on the Internet for-- creator of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]!

Larry: Hello there, Christian.

 Chris: Yep. Hello.

Larry: So… yes. Good.

==Chris-chan Discusses... [[BILLY MAYS]]==

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{{quote|I'm still the mayor of Cwcville. There is no elections.}}

===Transcript===
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|right|"I'm damn straight!"]]
 Chris: (fading in)...you know, I read in de uh- read in the announcement video about [[BILLY MAYS|BILLY's MAYS]]- about uh, well I quoted Wikipedia about BILLY's cause of death which was basically something like a heart attack.

Larry: Yeah.

 Chris: And I was in [[Wikipedia:Charlotte County, Virginia|Red Oak]] the whole weekend.

Larry: You do know he was involved in a plane crash the day before as well?

 Chris:...oh...yeah I s'pose that would put a lot of [[stress]] and to, uh, futher induce the heart attack, yeah.

Larry: So yeah so it could be- You wa- you wu- you weren't flying the plane, we'll get that straight, were you flying the plane?

 Chris: Yeah, I was not- yeah I was not flyin' da plane I was in Red Oak with my mother and my relatives.

Larry: Okay...So yes, so you've got no ulterior motives to-

 Chris: I have no ulterior motives, oh and in fact- I forgot to say this in the video but uhh, I often confuse BILLY MAYS with with [[Wikipedia:Richard Karn|Richard Karn]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Home Improvement (TV series)|Home Improvement]], 'cause they both look and act- both looked, acted, and sounded alike.

Larry: You mean they're both fat and got a beard?

 Chris: Uhh...no, I've been talm 'bout, you know, aside from the beard like you know the other facial features, and the voice...I just often confused uh BILLY with Richard Karn.

Larry: Yeah I often confuse people with fictional characters as well so...It's n- it's quite easy to do...so-

 Chris: Yeah.

Larry: So what do you think of the people calling for [[Adam Stackhouse]] to be the new mayor of [[CWCville]] as well?

 Chris: Uhh, no no no no, I'm still the mayor of CWCville, there is no elections. I mean that's just a whole bunch of uh rumors on the internet that trolls are uh just talking amongst themselves...uhh, just, do not believe anything that comes from the trolls, it's all just a bunch of rumor- it's all just a bunch of false rumors and lies.

Larry: Uh, is uh, are you gonna be announcing BILLY MAYS's death in your comic as well or anything or...?

 Chris: Uhh...Ohh yeah well let me just uh- I mean, I've already uploaded a video onto YouTube too, but let me just say that once again I never- HE never was the mayor of CWCville, when I made that statement on a YouTube I was blackmailed into doing dat by uhh, the uh quote unquote [[BlueSpike|"Julie's brother," that little 13 year old brat]] so I was lying out of my ass when I said that.

Larry: Ah. Yes. If I could a-

 Chris: I- SO I BIN- So I've always been the mayor of CWCville and I still am, there's no question about it.

Larry: Ah. Now it was quite (Chris coughs) it was quite hard to tell if you were lying or not because we couldn't see if you were holding an [[Optimus Prime]] ... I saw ... so, uh, so if it was on video we would known you was lying.

 Chris: (Unnecessarily forced cough) Uh, yeah, well I was lying out my ass when I said tha- when I said that I was a..."[[homosexual]]"...lyin' out my ass when I said that bun everybody knows I'm damn straight.

Larry: Yes of course, you are indeed a fine role model for us heterosexuals.

 Chris: Yeah... thank you.

Larry: You're welcome.

==Chris-chan Discusses... Spax3 & Jason Griffith==

''Note: For anyone wondering who [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Spax3 Spax3] (real name: Alexander/Edison Prins-Stairs) is, the best way to describe him is if [[ED]] was an Olympic sport, Spax would have the silver medal to Chris's gold.''

''Other note: Up until Larry informs him otherwise, Chris is under the impression that "Spax3" is a new character in an upcoming [[Sonic]] game. How he came to this conclusion is unknown. You are welcome to speculate, though.''

''Jason Griffith is Spax's equivalent of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''
<center>{{#ev:youtube|8V4w-OSdslo}}</center>

===Transcript===

Larry: Yes... also, uhh.. ano- another thing a lot of people have been asking me to te- ask this. Uh, what do you think of the voice actors for Sonic the Hedgehog? [Pause] I mean there's- I must say there's- there's somebody out there on the Internet who's uh, very opposed to, uh, Jason Griffith. Uh, doing the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog. What do you think about that? You bothered with the voice?

 Chris: Mmm... Y- I pretty much like the- uh, original voice they've been going with this whole time. Uhh... changing it, uhh... would be uh, I don't know- I don't know if it- well it depends, I would have to compare the new voice and compare it to the old voice to - um, make an opinion. Although I will say this. In comparison to the animated series, y'know, where they had the- uh, [[Wikipedia:Jaleel White|kid who was Urkel]] originally voicing Sonic the Hedgehog... versus uh... what- who they have for [[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]] and the video games... uhh.. I'd say- I'd say the newer voi- I'd say the newer guy does it much better.

Larry: Ah.. No. There's uh- There's uh, two guys doi- uh, there was the guy doing it in [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|''Sonic Adventure'']] and [[Wikipedia:Sonic Heroes|''Sonic Heroes'']], it was a guy called [[Wikipedia:Ryan Drummond|Ryan Drummond]]. And they- uh, they fired him because he couldn't make it to New York. They hired this guy called [[Wikipedia:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]], and they uh-

 Chris: [speaking over] Oh, that's too bad.

Larry: So yes. So yeah, basically, uh, everything you hear now is Jason Griffith, and I was just wondering if you thought- y'know- If you notice any difference?

 Chris: Hmmm. I didn't really notice a difference.

Larry: Oh that's good. So you- yeah. So... you reckon that someone made uh- started making... per- petitions to uh, have him fired and that, is a bit over the top?

 Chris: Hmm.

Larry: I mean, would y- would you say that's going a bit far or...

 Chris: Uhhhmm... yeah, probably. Sounds like it was going a bit far, yeah.

Larry: Oh that's good. So yes. So th- It's a- It's a guy called, uh, Spax3. Have you ever heard of him?

[Chris rolls his eyes to one side, in noticeable surprise. Is he hiding something?]

 Chris: Uhhnn... I'm sorry... uhh... Dax3?

Larry: SPAX! [Spells it out] S-P-A-X-3 ...

 Chris: Oh! Spax... uhh... no, I've never heard of that one.

Larry: Ah. Yes, it's a guy, yes. He uhm, he uh... he actually has fantasies about [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]] as well, don't know if you know about that.

[Chris opens his eyes wide in shock, possibly embarrassment. "I thought I was the only one who had those!"]

 Chris: Ohhh...[pause]...oh... huh.[another pause] Uhm, is this- is this like a villain character, this Spax?

Larry: [Speaking over] No! No, no! He's a- He's a real person. He's a real person. Uh, he- uh, he- uh, doesn't like people saying that. That, he- uh... likes... rabbits. He gets very upset about it. Yeah, he says he has uhh... y'know, there's a big thing on- loads of trolls on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] who want to keep saying that he likes having sex with a rabbit.

 Chris: Huh...

Larry: He wants to have sex with a six-year old rabbit. So. So, do you- do you find that disgusting at all?

 Chris: Mmm... Well, that's his decision but I personally [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|do not promote bestiality]], as a matter of fact, I'm against it, [[Religion|and the bible is against it]], so uh... I- Y'know uhh... he has his opinions, and he has his rights to his own opinions but personally, I'm against it.

Larry: Even if they're half-human?

 Chris: [Pause] Uh... even if...?

Larry: I mean, 'cause they're like, Sonic the Hedgehog, he's- he's sort of half-human, he's not like a proper hedgehog, he's like half-human. He's got two legs and stuff, so.. does that SORT OF count?

 Chris: Uhhmm... uhhh... I don't there is, uhh... any hu- any half-human there... uhh...

[Long awkward pause. Chris strokes chin in confusion]

 Chris: Yeah, I'd still say he's uh... ALL-ANIMAL. I'd still say they're all-animals. They just been given-uh... human form... it's not necessarily making them "half-human".

Larry: No. So, so- uhhh... So you wouldn't say there's any human in [[Sonichu]] or anything, either then? When he's, uh, completely a [[Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Or there's no, other way 'round it... even though he stands on two legs?

 Chris: [Pause]... yeah.

==Chris-chan Discusses... E3 (2009) Little Big Planet==

''* Note E3 (Electronics Entertainment Expo) is a large trade fair for the video games industry held in LA every year around the end of May/June showcasing the following year's releases.''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|IxOI63oNDzM}}</center>

===Transcript===

Larry: Right, so, uh, we're gonna be talking about E3 today, so, uh, what about- Start again from the overall thing, what's your overall opinion of the uh, video games on there this year. What do you think of them?

 Chris: Oh yeah, I like the games, they're very good. I personally interested in the uh, y'know, [[God of War]] 3 and uh, the PSP version of [[Little_Big_Planet|Little Big Planet]].

Larry: Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. And what do you- What do you think of the PSP Go, is that something you might be buying, or...

 Chris: Yeah, I might buys that for myself, but I would be [[Chris_and_Money|keeping my PSP 2000]] as well.

Larry: Oh, yeah, so-

 Chris: Cause, y'know, I have a bunch of [[Wikipedia:Universal Media Disc|UMD]] games...

Larry: No, you don't wanna get rid of that just yet.

 Chris: Yeah.

Larry: You're not being tempted to modify it or anything, so you could play copied games on it, from the hard dr- the Memory Card?

 Chris: Yeah.

Larry: Oh, That's good.

 Chris: Yeah, let me talk about Little Big Planet PSP for a bit

Larry: Alright.

 Chris: Yeah, ak- as you know, uh, yeah, some features I'd like to see, for the [[PSP]] version. I'd like to have it, uh, where I can sync up with the [[Dirty_Crapped_Briefs|pee-]] with the original [[PS3|PS3]] version, and, uh, copy the, uh, stickers and costumes and objects, that, uh, originated from the PS3 version, as well as the downloadable content...

Larry: Mm.

 Chris: Cause I'm sure a [[Trolls|lot of us]] would love to be able to play the uh, play in the spaceman suit that we, uh, got, uh, at the, uh, release of Little Big Planet, or even as Kratos or [[Gay|Nariko]].

Larry: ''(tried to say something, but Chris cuts in, assuming his "Look darling, it's trying to think like a human being!" pose)''

 Chris: And uh, an-a-nd also another thing question, I mean uh, whatever happened to the uh, Real Media Molecule... Ibuh the ''Rare'' Mol- Media Molecule shirt that they talked about at the beginning? It never came out! ''(my guess is they don't stock it in XXXL, Chris)''

Larry: Oh. Have you tried contertactiong them about it? Or anything? Or...

 Chris: ''(licks lips)'' Yeah, I tried tal- I tried contacting them about that, uh, haven't got a response yet.

Larry: You'd think they'd- You'd think they'd contact you, I mean, they did favorite one of your videos once didn't they, I mean, you are one of their stars, after all.

 Chris: Okay yeah.

''(cuts)''

 Chris: It's just, y'know, I think, uh, couple of, I think uh, I'd like to address a couple more ''Little Big Planet'' issues.

Larry: Okay.

 Chris: Yeah, let's see, we talked about linki- linking up with- between the PSP and PS3 versions...

Larry: ''(mimics being choked to death, which is exactly what the viewer is doing)''

 Chris: - With the copying the costumes and the stickers and all that...

Larry: ''(plays dead)''

 Chris: Mmmm... See, it's like... [[Butt_garments|Expandable]] memory usage, for like, y'know, y'know, people are just gonna [[Autism|continue collecting the objects]] from the custom levels...

Larry: ''(regains his composure)''

 Chris: And uh, creating their own levels, but it's like, y'know, you keep on go- you keep on creating and collecting and like, you g- it's not- it's- you collect too much, and then uh, you won't be able to save your profile. Uh, on your, on your, on your hard drive. I'd like to see, like, y'know, like expandable memory, like, y'know uh, it, like, it grows as you collect, the memory?

Larry: Yeah.

 Chris: Yeah, so, yeah, I'd like to see that. And, uh, also, another thing I'd like to see - a soundtrack to uh, music on Little Big Planet, cause it's good music.

Larry: I think it's all licensed and it'd be pretty hard to-

 Chris: ''(cuts in)'' PRETTY GOOD MUSIC I'D LIKE TO, UH, S-

Larry: Yeah, a lot of it is licensed, that might be a bit hard.

 Chris: Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, especially uh, also the uh... Heh. I mean, like, y'know, I guess, y'know, people probably pirate the uh, one song that put the game in the question that delayed it's release by a week or two. Remember that?

Larry: Oh. Yeah, it actually got released in Britain with that... My copy had it on.

 Chris: ... ''(envious stare, weak "heh")''

Larry: It's actually on the disc- It's actually, the song is actually on the disc, but they released a patch to remove it.

 Chris: Yeah. I've heard about that, yeah.

Larry: So if you got rid of that patch... If you got rid of that patch you could actually listen to it.

 Chris: Yeah, yeah I know, I've heard- I've heard about that, but... Still, I mean, like, y'know, game soundtrack would be good. Yeah, even, like, y'know, if they released it in the Playstation Store, like they did with soundtrack to, uh, Pixeljunk Monsters.

Larry: Yeah.

 Chris: And then put that up for sale, yeah, I would, uh, definitely pay, like, ten-twelve bucks to, uh, download those tracks.

Larry: That much, eh? So yeah. So what would you...

 Chris: Yeah.

Larry: What would you like to have included into Little Big Planet in future. I mean, what sort of, uh, characters and designs and stuff?

 Chris: Yeah, I- I mean, like, y'know, I liked what they're doing about the uh- What they talked about at E3, uh, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|doing Disney characters]]? But I'd like to see... [[Transformers|Transformers]]. Like, y'know, Me- like for y'know, [[Optimus Prime]], [[Zapina|Bumblebee]], [[Julie|Starscream]] and [[Clyde_Cash|Megatron]] or even, like, [[Megan|Soundwave from Generation 1]], that'd be cool.

Larry: Yes. I AGREE.

 Chris: ''(eyes rolled into the back of his head, completely spaced out into transformerland)'' Make it even, like, y'know,two sets of costumes, y'know, one from Generation 1 and one for the movie.

Larry: Hm.

 Chris: And a whole buncha stickers!

Larry: Ah.

 Chris: That- That'd be awesome.

Larry: Yes, it would be then, yes.

==Chris-chan Discusses... Transformers==
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===Transcript===

Larry: What do you play online at the moment, apart from life? PlayStation home, I mean.

Chris: Mmm... yeah, yeah probably.

Larry: Okay. Um. No, I mean what are you into at the moment in online gaming, I mean what sort of games do you play?

Chris: Um, like online, uh, I like playing Little Big Planet online, uh, among other game titles, I can't remember the names of them. I can't remember the names at the moment.

Larry: Ok.

Chris: That's that would be uh, that's a lot for me to think about though, yeah.

Larry: Ok uh, did you buy Ghostbusters as well?

Chris: Uh no I didn't get that yet, but yeah but I like what I've seen so far, if they release a demo then I would download that...

Larry: Yeah.

Chris: If I don't buy the game first...

Larry: So what was the last game you bought? 

Chris: Uh, yeah, last game I bought... which one was that [coughs a bit] yeah I bought the new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen video game, that was pretty good.

Larry: That's good.

Chris: Yeah I like and I've seen and I saw the movie last Wednesday and I thought it was awesome. I don't
care what the critics- how the critics put it down... I thought it was a very fun movie and it did have a good story to it and I enjoyed the story.

Larry: That's good. Yes there's enough--

Chris: I mean you know, critics will be critics... I mean like you know some of 'em get paid to praise it and some of 'em get paid to haze it, and you know I just think like you know in general I don't care for those who haze it. I mean, I mean like you know, Transformers has been uh ve-, has been uh very good and they have their own history, especially in generation one, you know in generation one they had some humor, and uh, whatnot, in uh, in the characters and in the story, so I'm thinking so I'm feeling like uh the uh movie is very much following that theme and I think I think Michael Bay is doing a good job with that.

Larry: So yes, Optimus Prime did die in the second one then?

Chris: Yeah, he died but yeah [clears throat] but they brought him back to life shortly enough with the Matrix of Leadership.

Larry: Yeah, that's good because you don't want any kids to lock themselves in their rooms for several days, and all that...

Chris: Yeah, yeah, especially like you know in the generation one, they brought him back to life episodes later in the two part episode.

Larry: Yeah.

Chris: [Fake sounding cough] excuse me. I got a frog in my throat! He's using my tonsils for a lily pad! 

Larry: Oh dear! So yes...

Chris: It's a little joke I picked up from Red Skelton.

Larry: He is indeed a master of comedy!

Chris: Yep! Very funny man.

Larry: Yes.

Chris: And a good human being as well.

Larry: Oh, that's good.

 '''[Video Break]'''

 SAE: So yes. What's with that bruise on your head as well, how did you get that?

Chris: Bruise on my head?

Larry: Yeah, you got a cut on top of your head there, the other side, the other side, the other side, yeah. 

Chris: Oh, it's just uh, it's just a bug bite.

Larry: Ah, ok. I thought we had a bit of a ruckus at the wedding or something.

Chris: No, no, did not have a ruckus at the wedding. It was a nice wedding.

Larry: Oh I see.

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-03]]
[[Category: Interview videos| 2009-07-03]]

Talk:Gratitude for a good person in N.C.

2011-10-31T09:06:16Z

Smokedaddy: it wasn't bugged

To the surprise of no one probably, Chris is still buying toys, as seen with the new Transformers Skids and Mudflap behind him. [[User:CompyRex|CompyRex]] 21:22, 23 August 2011 (PDT)

== Is it bugged? ==

So does anyone know if its bugged in anyway? [[User:HitIar|HitIar "wunderbar!"]] 03:15, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
* Probably. It's not like anyone cares enough about Chris to really give him a gift like that. But in case it's part of a trolling scheme, let's leave that speculation off of the actual page. [[User:DoctorSubmarine|DoctorSubmarine]] 06:13, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
: It's definitely bugged. When the content that this produces is released I can tell it's going to blow my mind. But yeah, speculation stays off of the page. [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 08:09, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
::I just hope it's not a software bug, because when Chris says he "upgraded it" I'm thinking he might have meant that he reinstalled Windows; or maybe he just installed a new version of IE and thought that made it brand new. I guess we'll find out soon enough. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 08:58, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
:::Do we know if he has a preference for any operating system? Although I doubt he'd be able to find the Windows product key or have the ability to install a cracked version. I like to think the benefactor installed Photoshop to help him with his 'art' but Chris thinks PhotoDeluxe is vastly superior. This seems intriguing. [[User:CafeNero|CafeNero]] 09:54, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
::::Well he did take a course in computer construction and the computer in his kitchen runs XP but the laptop (i think its the laptop) as seen in this [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"|video]] runs windows 7 so it hard to say. However if it is still on the system im sure it will give an interesting and unique insight into his online shenanigans and personal computer usage... that and pages upon pages of grotesque sonic furry porn. -[[User:HitIar|HitIar "wunderbar!"]] 10:47, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
:::::Anyone wanna bet that he wastes taxpayer money on a subscription to Mobius Unleashed? --[[User:MaxTehManyula|MaxTehManyula]] 17:55, 24 August 2011 (PDT)
::::::It wasn't bugged, simply an attempt to generate more lulz by someone who had a spare laptop lying around. Chris without a working computer = fewer videos, scans, etc. I don't believe any worthwhile software was on it, but certainly nothing was installed for his benefit. Not much has come out of the effort, unfortunately. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 02:06, 31 October 2011 (PDT)

== Model ==

If anyone is interested, I am fairly sure that machine is a [http://reviews.cnet.com/laptops/hp-compaq-nc4200/4505-3121_7-31343460.html HP Compaq NC4200] or perhaps a [http://www.notebookreview.com/default.asp?newsID=2683 NC6220]. Not too sure if HP made other models with the same chassis as these, but the previous and later models look different, so it's likely it is one of these. --[[User:Rjordan|Rjordan]] 11:57, 25 August 2011 (PDT)

== Browser ==

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zac_Browser

Chris's browser --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] 15:35, 5 September 2011 (PDT)

Chris and religion

2011-09-19T11:03:19Z

Smokedaddy: lost the 'reaction' pics

<center>{{#ev:youtube|KlsCT1AUmZw}}</center>

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1 Cor 13:11<ref>[http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm]</ref>, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris not understanding how Professional help works<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref>}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the [[naïve]] hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion; like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''yet'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital [[sex]], [[Anger|hatred]], [[Race|intolerance]], [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, [[Julie|fornication]], [[Twin Falling Towers|wickedness]], [[Kacey|covetousness]], [[Don't Mess With Me|maliciousness]]; full of [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|envy]], [[Death threats|murder]], [[Mass debating|debate]], [[Lies|deceit]], [[Chris and anger|malignity]]; whisperers, [[Autism Tutorial Extra|backbiters]], haters of God, [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|despiteful]], [[Chris and his ego|proud]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|boasters]], inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], [[Naive|without understanding]], covenantbreakers, [[Hanky-panky|without natural affection]], [[Chris and remorse|implacable]], [[Sonichu Special 4|unmerciful]]: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which [[For Julie's Eyes Only|commit such things are worthy of death]], not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in [[2000]].<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In [[2008]] he was; under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of [[CWCville]] - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls]]' side.]]
[[File:Cwcandf.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's supposed relationship with God]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]], also in this pic, BLASPHEMY!]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|[[Asperchu/Background|Radar]] sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of [[wikipedia:Binitarianism|Binity]], unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the [[Wikipedia:Trinity|Trinity]], which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in [[ego]]tism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris [[fail]]s at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Mohammad Reza Pahlavi|Shah of Iran]], Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[Virgin with rage|failure]] was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of [[Daughter|Chris's child]], despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To Clyde and Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]]. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."<ref>[[Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"]]</ref> One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, <ref>[[Mailbag 30#Questions]]</ref>}} {{clear}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]] and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from ''[[Family Guy]]''. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all Seven Deadly Sins===
The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is a conception of the Catholics founded through doctrine Pope Gregory I established through a revised list of monk Evagrius Ponticus' list of the eight terrible temptations. Catholics, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Seeing as this is Catholic doctrine, Protestants do not typically share this belief. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of [[sex toys]] and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]). He's even gone so far as to [[The MovingForward videos|destroy his PS3]] in an attempt to gain money.
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the [[Internet]], Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household [[chores]] is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Anger/Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris and anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Failure Of All Seven Heavenly Virtues===
In Christianity, where there is sin, there is redemption. In Christianity there are four Cardinal virtues, which were initially derived from Plato's Scheme from Protagoras and were adapted by Saint Ambrose, Augustine of Hippo, and Thomas Aquinas. In the early Church there were also three theological virtues. In Catholicism these virtues were combined to make '''The Seven Heavenly Virtues'''. These are acts of redemption and righteousness that combat the seven deadly sins. Chris fails at all of them.

*'''Chastity''' '''-''The virtue against Lust''-''': Chris, however, lives accordingly with this virtue, to an extent. As a [[Virgin with rage]] Chris may always live in chastity in the sexual way. But chastity is more than just sex, its cleanliness through cultivated good [[Chris and health|health and hygiene]], and maintained by refraining from [[alcohol|intoxicants]]. Chastity is embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment. Part of chastity is to be honest with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and to all of humanity. Chastity is the ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption. Chris however lives in filth all day, everyday, eats [[McDonalds|unhealthy food]], and started drinking not too long ago. Chris [[lies|lies All The Fucking Time]]. Chris hasn't tried to better himself since he graduated from college, despite the efforts of [[trolls]], [[white knights]], and [[jerkop|authority]] [[Manajerk|figures]]. Chris loses his anger frequently, masturbates constantly, and spends taxpayer money like it's going out of style.
*'''Temperance''' '''-''The virtue against Gluttony''-''': Temperance to put it simply is restraint, moderation, and taking action at the appropriate time. Chris has no restraint when it comes to his social security. He buys whatever he can afford the instance he sees and wants it whether he needs it or not, almost always the latter. Chris has spent money he doesn't have via his credit cards or his parent’s credit cards.
*'''Charity''' '''-''The virtue against greed''-''': Charity is generosity, charity, and, self-sacrifice. The closest Chris has come to generosity is paying for ebay and other shit for [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], and not out of being generous, but to either buy her forgiveness, or in attempts to have sex with her. Whether he gives to charity is unknown, but usually you have to have sympathy for others or want to help others, Chris always wants to ''receive'' sympathy and help. Chris hardly sacrifices anything. Chris only sacrifices if he has something to gain, not for the sake of others or to be pious. He sacrificed a few games out of his hundreds for money, and [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3 in hopes of being paid over $9,000.]] Even when sacrificing a little would better him he is extremely [[Chris_and_negotiation|stubborn]].
*'''Diligence''' '''-''The virtue against Sloth''-''': Diligence is strong work ethic, determination, holding true to your beliefs, and courage. Chris has no work ethic, At All. He only works when he's "inspired", and then at most its only for an hour. Chris is determined in the sense he hasn't given up on Sonichu after all the harassing, but determination also means finishing what you started. Saying ''''"I'M WORKING ON IT!"''' and doing nothing, or quitting for months at a time isn't determination. Chris started [[Sonichu_11|Sonichu issue #11]] in [[August 2009]], skipped finishing it, and started [[Sonichu_12|Sonichu issue #12]] in [[February 2010]]. Chris does hold true in his beliefs, but will flip flop between hating [[homos]] every once in a while. When it comes to courage, well, Chris is a pussy. He always hides behind his parents when it comes to the law, [[List of places that have banned Chris|bans]], and [[Kacey_and_Liquid_Call|uncomfortable phone conversations.]] The one time Chris almost got into a physical fight as an adult was with a large black man named [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris.27s_Attitude_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|TJ]], in which he quickly re-worded what he said, sank back down in his seat, and stopped making eye contact. Yet, Chris [[death_threats|threatens people constantly]]. When Chris was threatened over the Internet, he hid under stuffed animals on his couch for a day. <ref>[[Death_threats#Chris_as_recipient]]</ref>
*'''Patience''' '''-''The virtue against Wrath''-''': Patience is forbearance and endurance through moderation, resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence, and giving the grace of forgiveness and mercy. Chris is none of this. He doesn't wait for sales, he buys what he wants, when he wants, whether he has money or not. Chris will try to resolve conflicts peacefully, at first, but quickly starts threatening if his demands aren't met. When it comes to forgiveness, the closest he ever came was three forgiveness blessings, some of which he took back. He's said he forgives [[Mary Lee Walsh]], but still holds a grudge in his [[Autism_Tutorial_Part_3|Autism Tutorial]]. He forgives [[Michael Snyder]], then says he [[Autism_Tutorial_Part_3|hopes he dies a fire with the The GAMe PLACe.]] Chris extremely unmerciful. He took; [[Clyde Cash]], [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Evan]], [[Mao#Asperpedia|Mao]], and [[Alec Benson Leary]], tortured and killed them in [[Sonichu_10|Sonichu issue #10]].
*'''Kindness''' '''-''The virtue against Envy''-''': Kindness is charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake. Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment. Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite. Once again Chris doesn't meet nearly any of this. Chris has compassion for no one. When his [[Aunt Corrina]] died, Chris seemed more upset that he missed out on stuffing his fat fucking face at a pancake breakfast for her funeral. Chris has no male friends at all, for he thinks all men are [[jerks]]. All his [[gal-pals]] are potential women Chris wants to have sex with; this is not friendship for its own sake. Chris doesn't trust men because of prejudice and resentment. Chris is nothing but selfish, and is only kind to get [[china]] or something he wants.
*'''Humility''' '''-''The virtue against Pride''-''': Humility is modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is a spirit of self-examination; a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with. The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved. Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love. Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one's own self. Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be. Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation.
This may be a long definition, but this is needed for emphasis. Chris fails harder at humility than any other virtue. He is not humble in any way, shape, or form. Chris is not modest at all, be it his body, his achievements, or his personal information. He is pretentious, narcissistic, and his [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is out of control. Chris is selfish; he spends taxpayer money and his parents money on himself, and when someone wants something from him he finds some idiotic way out of it. He wants everything for nothing. Chris only respects himself, his father (sometimes), and world leaders. He has no respect for authority because it inconveniences him, and men because he has to compete against them for china, and they may [[Homos#Fear_of_being_a_homo|cause him to fall off the straight path.]] Chris only thinks of himself, and highly at that. Chris is dishonest when he self-examines himself. He refuses to believe he's anything more than chubby, when by basic BMI standards he's obese. Chris won't do anything that he finds difficult, even if it is easy for functioning members of society. [[Chris and Art|He thinks his art is extraordinary and can't be improved.]] He believes he's not [[naïve]], though he's extremely inexperienced. Chris shuts his mind and insults anyone who disagrees with him. Chris disregards the advice of experienced professionals alot. Chris criticizes people better than him, and art that is substantially better than his, claiming he and his work is better. Chris breaks promises and commitments constantly, by either half-assing it, feigning ignorance, lying about fulfilling his obligation, or lying about the agreeing to do so to begin with. And finally Chris falls into [[stress]] and despair when he doesn't win, and avoids confrontation at all costs.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

The Ten Commandments are the foundation of all the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). Chris isn't a strict follower of these either.

# '''"Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
# '''"Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
# '''"Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
# '''"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
# '''"Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father.
# '''"Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath. Alternatively, considering the revelation that he believes cartoon characters really exist, his actions in [[Sonichu 10]] where he collapses a building full of people, killing at least a hundred people for relatively minor slights gives him the biggest body count of the series.
# '''"Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
# '''"Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] However, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
# '''"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator. This was especially prevalent within the [[Alec Benson Leary]] saga.
# '''"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of [[Wikipedia:Halakha|Halakha]], Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos]]exuality is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokémon|Pikachu]]?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]! [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2020:6&version=NIV Leviticus 20:6]''' "I will set my face against the person who turns to Mediums and spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people." Chris has claimed to hear the voices of [[Aunt Corrina]], his [[Cherokian Clan|other]] [[Daniel Weston|ancestors]], and GodJesus at the former's funeral, all giving approval to his [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[china]].<ref>[[Sarah May Skype Logs]]</ref>

However, when Christianity first became a religion, Saint Paul came up with the new covenant, so all the bits about circumcision, sacrificing goats, eating a kosher diet, and other Levitical laws no longer apply. Anyone who claims to be a Christian and still follows the Levitical laws isn't really a Christian so much as an ultra-orthodox Jew, or a [[Wikipedia:Seventh-day Adventist Church|Seventh-day Adventist]]. Also, many of Jesus' teachings abolish many of the Leviticus and Deuteronomy laws, such as food by in which Jesus said '''"''It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.''"''' There are a few ultra-fundie Christians who follow some of the old Leviticus laws due to a passage on Matthew, but all of this is irrelevant in the first place since Chris neither reads the Bible or seriously cares about Christianity.

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}

{{quote|1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.|Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|Mailbag 23]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

[[Image:thoushaltnotsufferacwctolive.JPG|thumb|left||Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.]]
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]] – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups [[Chris and sex#Moral basis on sex and double standards|just to get sex]], without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue 7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_32 Sonichu says this].

{{quote|In the meantime, he will receive the accumilitive memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 7]]}}

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.'' In addition, only five pages later [[Angelica]] condemns those who prefer [[Asperchu|Alec]]'s artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:SchuComic10P66.jpg Issue 10, page 66]</ref>

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] he describes himself as a "Lamb of God." Jesus Christ is commonly referred to as this by many Christians. Chris might have developed a God complex already in the year [[2000]], as the halo floating over his head on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' seems to indicate.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris's comments on religions other than his own are scattered and inconsistent. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, he probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith.
===Other Christian sects===
Chris has described "[[Wikipedia:Mormonism|Mormans]]" [sic] as not being datable.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He has never explained why, but he may have learned through [[Anna]] that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

[[Angelica]] is a [[Wikipedia:Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]], raised by [[Wikipedia:Nun#Catholic|nuns]]. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.

===Judaism===
"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]" reveals that Chris has some awareness of [[Wikipedia:Judaism|Judaism]], probably picked up from watching ''[[South Park]]''. He appears to not understand that Jews and [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhists]] don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from ''South Park''). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].
===Islam===
In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A|article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".<ref>[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Other than not being Christian, he probably hates Muslims because he's enough of a dumbass to likely believe all Muslims are terrorists because of 9/11, [[Twin Falling Towers|which he mocked]].

===Atheism===
[[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in [[Wikipedia:Taoism|Taoism]], a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> It's even harder for atheists to try and take [[GodJesus]] seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your [[troll]]s by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by [[Thorg]] in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions 9 Jan 2010]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the [[List_of_OkCupid_Answers|OkCupid]] answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist.

In [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as [[Thorg]]'s defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

{{quote|But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have [[GodJesus|God or Jesus]] at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists... are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!}}

When Chris [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada‎|exposed Thorg]], his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' athiest". The video was removed because it was declared, and rightfully so, hate speech.

Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] is also an atheist.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

JK Productions

2011-09-05T01:10:06Z

Smokedaddy: lost expired link to blog archive

[[Image:JKReginald.png|thumb|200px|Reginald the anteel, in all his bizarre glory.]]

In August of [[2008]], [[Chris]] excitedly endorsed a new blog that was supposedly the official journal of '''JK Productions''', a company claiming to be developing ''[[Sonichu]]: The Game''. Juxtaposing 'screenshots' of absurdly basic in-game features with artwork that was far superior to the [[Sonichu (comic)|source material]] and annotated by a hyper commentary, the blog was nonetheless shrewd enough to convince some (not least Chris) of its authenticity.

That was until September, when, on the basis of an alleged cease-and-desist order from [[Nintendo]] and Sega, [[pickle]]-happy pictures of character redesigns were premiered. Sonichu was replaced by 'Reginald' (also the name of Chris's [[Reginald Chandler|imaginary son]]), an upper class anteater/eel hybrid. Rosechu was similarly replaced by an 'anteel' - specifically, a Village People inspired, boner-sporting anteel. Finally, Chris-Chan himself was replaced by a sassy, female reimagining which he no doubt [[mass debating|fapped over]].

Shortly thereafter, JK Productions claimed to have broken ties with Chris altogether, in disgusted protest at the [[Sonichu 8|Spring Break Issue]];

[[Image:ChrissyChan.png|thumb|left|130px|]]

{{quote|He certainly has a point that we should encourage women's rights...to bear arms! It is advisable to keep this man a great distance from the nearest vagina.Do not be so down, for there is some good news too. You see, JKProductions has acquired the trademark for Sonichu, making him our official property! Christian Weston Chandler's "Sonichu" comics, should henceforth be recognized as an, *ahem*, poorly done fan-comic (laughs.)|JK Productions, being lulzy.}}

Chris was left to sheepishly admit to being trolled and return to harassing Nintendo executives.

==History==
[[Image:JKRosechu.png|thumb|left|150px|UFOOOOO~!!! IT'S HARDOGAAAAY~!!!]]

On [[2008#August|17 August 2008]], Chris updated his website that was previously dead for a year with a new entry echoing the demands of his latest video, in which he calls for all the Sonichu fans to storm Nintendo and Sega with requests that his character be given official merchandise. He also promises the finale to this season of Sonichu within 6 months, and a new series starting next year.

Normally this may seem a trivial update in the adventures of CWC. However, with this post he released a new blog dedicated to Sonichu: The Game (at http://sonichugame.blogspot.com, now deleted and not archived) made up of mostly "fan art", with a few of his own pictures accompanying updates to the game's progression.

[[Image:Jk controller.png|thumb|"Chris Spent over 9,000 hours in ms paint to provide us this diagram of a ps3 controller."{{cite}} ... "image courtesy of Christian Weston Chandler. Behold! The home entertainment controller, perfected."]]

The blog may seem to be fake as it is somewhat legible unlike his main page. However, he directly links to the blog on his updated tripod website. Obviously, someone made the website and then sent him a link, so the site is run completely independent of Chris. Wherever it's headed, it's sure to be lulzy.

On [[2008#September|5 September 2008]], '''the official Sonichu game blog''' revealed what many people had suspected: that it was the work of an elaborate troll. In a post claiming that SEGA and Nintendo had slapped 'production' with a cease and desist order, the resident blogger offered his redesigns of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; an [[Reginald|upper class]] and a Hardgay impersonating anteater/eel hybrid respectively. That Chris would condone such radical alterations of his 100% totally original characters is enough to raise eyebrows, but a more-than-fleeting inspection of 'Reginald' - Sonichu's reimagining - shows that he is armed with that appendage Chris dreads most, i.e. a [[pickle]]. Oh, and Rosechu's equivalent has a beard and a boner, I suppose that's worth mentioning as well. A follow-up post was submitted on 6 September 2008, featuring a redesign of the big CWC himself. Chris is convinced that JKProductions was not a troll and continued to endorse their blog as the 'Official CWC Approved Sonichu Video Game Blog' on both his website and [[YouTube]] account until the demise of the former. He has never had the faintest idea as to what [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jk "JK" stood for.]

== Game art ==

<gallery>
Image:Hurrr1 color.jpg|"Here are some masterful drawings by our very own Artist and CSIII practitioner: Mike Sandy" ... "Sonichu, having beaten the snot out of a Jerkop, strikes a cool pose.."
Image:Japchu.jpg|"The conceptual profile of Sonichu. These are subject to alterations."
Image:Hurrr2 color.jpg|"Sonichu in the act of kicking a jerkop square in the face! Ouch."
Image:Hurrr4 color.jpg|"Sonichu is just too extreme for this angry jerkop."
Image:Hurrr3 color2.jpg|"Could this be? Sonichu is really zapping to the extreme!"
Image:Jerkhieg.png|"Of course, the Sonichu game will feature bosses of many shapes and sizes. Allow me to introduce you to one of them." ... "This is the [[Jerkhief|jerkop]], he is quite large, no? He dislikes virgins, as well as Sonichu. He will attack them both on sight."
Image:Sonichugameee.png|"Ah, very large indeed. He is very lazy too! Instead of fighting, he sends his [[jerkop]] minions to do his dirty work."
Image:Jerkops.png|"Look out! The poor jerkhief is much to large to move on his own! Should you wear him down..."
Image:Ohgod.png|"Oh my... H-he really knows how to get around!"
Image:Title screen.png|"Most games for the PC feature title screens, and sonichu is no exception to this..."
</gallery>

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

User:Smokedaddy

2011-09-05T01:01:23Z

Smokedaddy: cheese, whole block thereof

{{Americunt}}
{{Observer}}

== Fan Art! ==

From a friend of mine. Zbrush crashed on him before he got it fully posed and painted, but the result is still amusing. He muffed the eyes and made them both the same color, which we all know not to be the case. He tries to do one of these a day.

{{EmbedYoutube|site=youtube|1=2kP9vojVcwk|title=Chris-Chan Caricature Speed Sculpt|quote=AND ACRYLIC FUCKIN' PAINT! (simulated)|user=Smokedaddy|date=16 May 20|desc=The real thing is at least two cup sizes larger than the caricature, which is probably better looking than he is anyway.}}

== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. (To clarify, "my own" is used here in the sense of games I'm playing at the moment, not games I made - like the rest of you ''wish'' you did for a living. Hee!) This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in ''L4D'' (one) and some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them do look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

: * ''JUUULAY - 'nuff said.''

: * ''Manboobs and muscle bra bouncing, demonstrated for our pleasure and enlightenment.''

: * ''Flying Elephants - the rare naked rotating random-access kind.''

: * ''Chris savagely punching Clyde Cash in the face (Mr. Cash was not available, so Chris handles both roles.)''

: * ''IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.''

: * '''NEW VERSION, NOW WITH 20% MORE CWC, FEATURING:''' ''The Ruckersville Love Machine with Rage demonstrating his 100% ORIGINAL copyrighted oral-genital stimulation technique!''

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload to CWCki. So if ya want it, [http://www.4shared.com/file/QKy2epSS/cwc_sprays.html get it here.]

Unzip ye .vtfs someplace suitable, such as '''[yer drive letter here]:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead 2\left4dead2\materials\vgui\logos''' (in Windows 7 anyway) then from the main menu inside ''L4D2'', go to '''options / multiplayers / sprays / import spray''' and use your imagination. ''TF2'' works exactly the same way, only different.

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in ''TF2''. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they won't quite know why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

This L4D2 shot depicts Chris demonstrating his prehensile tongue. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse interfered with his Love Quest, lowering his chances of ever getting said tongue near a woman's genitalia from the current zero down to a purely theoretical number. The crosshairs seen on his face are not part of the spray, you will have to do that with your own weapon if you like the effect.

[[File:Cwctonguespray-l4d2.jpg]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug - admit it). Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

You're Welcome.

== Cosplay gone horribly meta ==

There is basically no fucking way I would ever be caught a) at an anime convention, b) in Ohio, or c) at an anime convention in Ohio. Nonetheless, one of my online correspondents can apparently be found at both, presumably after closing time at the glory hole. He took this pic (I am not making this up) at Oyahocon '09.

[[File:Ohayocon-chrischan.jpg]]

''Oyahocon.''

Being anywhere this sort of thing happens is proof that Life On The Edge™ must be possible in Ohio despite all evidence to the contrary.
THE CORN IS ON FIRE

== and for dessert ==
[[File:cheesedxp.png]]

File:Cheesedxp.png

2011-09-05T00:57:56Z

Smokedaddy: He ate a hideous pizza-like thing, when he could have had -- A WHOLE BLOCK OF CHEESE!!

He ate a hideous pizza-like thing, when he could have had -- A WHOLE BLOCK OF CHEESE!!

Chris's homes

2011-08-23T18:55:55Z

Smokedaddy: whooping cranes? plz.

[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|14 Branchland Court]]

Chris has lived all his life in the '''Commonwealth of Virginia''', leaving only to visit other parts of the United States on a few brief occasions. However, for a number of reasons, he's lived in different '''homes''' at different times in different areas of the state.

Chris was born and currently lives in [[Ruckersville]], a bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville]], inhabited by people similar to [[Bob Chandler]]. During most of his teenage years, he lived in a nearly identical suburb outside the city of Richmond, 77 miles (125 km) away, although his family later decided to return to Ruckersville after Chris finished high school.

==Richmond==
Richmond is the capital city of [[Virginia]], and former capital of the [[Wikipedia:Confederate States of America|Confederate States of America]]. Chesterfield County is just southwest of Richmond. Chris and his parents lived in this area from [[1992]] to [[2000]].

===Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments===
The '''Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments''' are a set of apartments in Richmond where the [[Chandler]] family lived from [[1992]] to [[1995]].

===Surrywood Subdivision===
The '''Surrywood Subdivision''' is an area of Richmond where the Chandlers lived from [[1995]] to [[1996]].

===Newberry Towne Subdivision===
The Newberry Towne Subdivision is an area in Chesterfield County<ref>[http://www.google.ca/search?q=site%3Achesterfield.gov+"newberry+towne" Chesterfield.gov]</ref> where the Chandlers lived at '''6008 Partingdale Circle'''<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 1</ref> from [[1996]] to [[2000]], Chris's [[high school]] years.

Chris claims to have "often" seen whooping cranes in the duck pond behind their domicile. Since Chesterfield County is somewhat far from Gray's Lake, Idaho, where the last whooping cranes exist, this is unlikely.

According to Chris, the neighbors spread rumors about his family.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref> Chris has never discussed these rumors in any great detail, or mentioned whether they were a factor in the family's decision to move away from the Richmond area.

The Chandler family [[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 4|moved back]] to [[Ruckersville]] at the end of Chris's senior year.

{{-}}

==Ruckersville==
Chris spent his early years in [[Ruckersville]], VA, where the Chandlers reside at '''[[14 Branchland Court]]'''. He and [[Bob|his father]] moved to the Richmond area after Chris left the fourth grade due to a dispute with the local school system. According to [[100 2178|a video address]] Chris released on 8 [[May 2010]], the Chandlers tried to sell the Ruckersville house at some point during their time living outside Richmond, but were unable to do so. As a consequence, Chris says, they were forced to move back to Ruckersville after he graduated [[high school]].

==Chris and other states==
Chris has never left the state of Virginia, save for a trip to California for [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] birthday,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and his ill-fated road trip to Ohio to visit [[Julie]]. As a result, he has a very closed-minded view of other states. He automatically assumes that 18 is the [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace|age of consent]] in all states. Chris also seems to believe that all states share the same culture as his ass-backward retarded "Southern" home.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|Notes on former homes
Image:Cloverleaf Streetview.jpg|Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments
Image:0083-SurrywoodHouse.jpg|Surrywood
Image:0108-NewberryTowneHouse.jpg|Newberry Towne
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2011-07-03T02:32:29Z

Smokedaddy: more SSDI drivel (plz to toast if inappropriate)

==To do==
*Chris's references to his monthly tugboat (see Smithey e-mails and Miyamoto e-mails).

== BETTER TO DO ==
The origins are explained in the BlueSpike Skype log...somewhere. just...look for it. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:14, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
:Done, Cash Sifu. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 20:29, 11 October 2010 (PDT)

----

Random Thought: Since Chris gets paid from welfare out of our pockets, are we not paying for him entertaining us? It seems like a fair exchange for me. If anything, Chris should be thanking us (and everyone else who is an USAfag and pays taxes) for keeping him and his creepy obsessions alive. Since I have to pay for him, I want to get every cent worth from this lolcow. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:33, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

==Disambiguation==
'Monthly Tugboat' shoud just contain the definition and the times he's used the word, we shoud create another page titled 'Chris and Money' --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 01:38, 20 May 2009 (CEST)

I liek both the above ideas. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

==$800,$750?==

I've noticed that some pages say that his tugboat is $750 and others saying that it's $800. Does anyone have evidence to show which value it is?([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 19:25, 21 July 2009 (CEST))
*The thing is, Chris has said about three different values. I believe he's said "$800" so let's try and find a citation for that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 21 July 2009 (CEST)
*The tugboat rises in value each year so long as cost of living increases, so it's definitely over $800. $750 might be an old number from a few years back. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 17:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

==State or federal?==
Is the welfare program chris leeches off of paid for by all taxpayers or just the ones in virginia? [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 21:18, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
*It's social security. So it's federal. And it is somehow arranged through Bob's SSN. Details as to how this works exactly are fuzzy. But it isn't typical state welfare. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:01, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
:*It needs to be reiterated that this is not a welfare check but a disability check. It is a form of government welfare, but it is not welfare in a "you don't need to work" sort of way but that he has managed to establish he has a disability (namely autism) that prevents him from maintaining or keeping work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== On Advice of Bob? ==

Is there a source of where this came from? If it came from Chris I feel it may be a point to make that this may be Chris' point of view on the matter and may not reflect the truth. --[[User:El Presidente|El Presidente]] 12:14, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== This is bullshit ==

NOT. A. FORUM. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 11:14, 4 September 2010 (PDT)
: Sorry for asking here, but since the PVCC is private, where can we go to talk about the BS about Chris spending our money on his stuff at? -- [[User:Ashki|Ashki]]
:: There may still be a /cwc/ board on 789chan. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:22, 23 September 2010 (PDT)

== Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? ==

"Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income."

I'm not entirely sure how this works. Exactly, what did Bob do to screw Chris over? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 00:18, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
: Whether Bob "screwed Chris over" is kind of a matter of perspective, but it works like this. If an SSDI beneficiary works a real job and makes enough money, they will receive reduced benefits according to how much actual income they earn. However, there's a threshold that has to be reached before that reduction starts happening, which is what that quote describes. Chris could get a job and earn as much as a grand a month before the government started docking his monthly SSDI check (and he'd have to earn a lot more than that before they stopped giving him any SSDI money at all). So the argument would be that Bob has misled Chris to his detriment by convincing him that if he works, he won't make as much money as he brings in just by waiting for his SSDI checks. The counter-argument would be that Bob still has two brain cells to rub together and knows that sending Chris into the workforce would just mean eventually having to deal with another court date. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 02:40, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Alright, I should know how this works but it seems more clear now. Thanks. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Chris gets around $9000/year from the gov't. Half of that goes towards "room & board" or something which like money the gov't would give to a mental institution or your caretakers. The rest is to pay for your living expenses including entertainment -- the gov't doesn't give a shit if you go see a movie or two on their dime. In theory they want you to be able to earn money on SSI, but if Chris did find and keep a job, even if it's washing dishes at Denny's, that could prove that his autism doesn't disable him hard enough to get free money. If he can work at a job then he's not disabled, and the tugboat goes away probably forever. Most of the money Chris has under his control gets spent on entertainment, because his parents still buy most or all of his food and gas. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:31, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Chris getting a job wouldn't end the tugboat; it's meant to supplement a low-paying job (as that's all Chris will ever be able to hold down) and provide a living wage. The disability payment is based on his autism, not on some judgment of how much he can or can't work. As noted above, his payments would only start to decrease once he started making over $12k a year. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:06, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::SSI is only paid if your mental illness is so bad that you can't keep a job. It's fairly easy to lose SSI. This is like when people get disability insurance payments for a back injury and are caught lifting heavy shit. $12k a year is $8/hr for 30/hrs a week, btw. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::Specifically, you get SSDI if you can't do "substantial work," whatever that means. I'm not sure it means just the same thing as the $x/month. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:48, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::There's a substantial difference between SSI (payments only to the disabled, end if you can work) and SSDI (payments to the disabled to supplement work income). Chris gets SSDI, he does not get SSI. (SSDI requires Social Security work credits, which is why Bob's work history was involved; SSI is paid out of the general revenues and would actually validate the Chris-on-welfare meme trolls like to get mad about.) [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:I'm the one who wrote that. I know because I'm basically Chris. As SSDI was explained to me by a Social Security worker when I applied for it, you can make only up to a certain amount of money a month, after which you lose 100% of your benefits either immediately or after some sort of review process. This action is binary; there is no gradient similar to the $1 you lose for every $2 you make while getting SS retirement benefits. That amount changes yearly according to a certain, proscribed plan, I'm sure to adjust for inflation and shit. In 2010, the amount is $1000, i.e. person on SSDI—i.e. Chris—could contribute to society an amount of work a month worth $1000 without being penalized in the slightest, but Chris's dad, being an ignorant, self-important hick who holds some idiotic, arbitrary, long-dated sense of "honor" or God-knows what above any natural sense of decency, i.e. a Southerner, apparently convinced Chris not to bother. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:43, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::I think, as has been speculated, Bob discouraged Chris from working in order to keep him out of trouble. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::That's obviously a possibility as Chris would IMMEDIATELY FUCK UP EVERYTHING if he got a job, but the article says that "[o]n the advice of his father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall," which is just flat-out stupid advice. I read somewhere that people don't always say exactly what they believe, though. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 21:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Aye. I think "You can't get a job because you'll lose your disability" was just easier for Bob to use to convince him than "You can't get a job because you're a fuckup of cosmic proportions." [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 04:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

== Just to clarify ==

Since I edited the acronyms on this page -- when you're talking about the income that Chris receives from the gov't, that's '''Supplemental Security Income (SSI)''', the $800 or so he receives monthly. '''Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)''' is something different; in Chris's case, that's Medicare (the federally funded healthcare system in the U.S., for overseas CWCikipedians). Since he is permanently disabled (his autism won't be "cured" by GodJesus or any of Chris's forgiveness blessings), he will ALWAYS receive Medicare, which pays for 80% of most healthcare excluding dental, vision, etc, but, as noted, his SSI is contingent on his total income & the poverty level in Virginia. I think he technically receives more than $800/month, but the money that's not deposited into his bank goes straight toward paying his Medicare premium. Obviously it's different for every case. Anyway, there are several other Social Security type benefits like Veterans, Survivors, Death, etc, but it always causes confusion because the acronyms are all fucked -- the Nixon administration or whoever didn't think their cunning plan through. [[Image:Horse3.gif|Horsehorsehorse]] [[User talk:Horsehorsehorse|Talktalktalk]] 16:00, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
:Thanks for clearing that shit up, I can see I was confused on a number of points. Well done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:33, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
::Actually, no, Chris's check is SSDI because they had to use Bob's work record to file for it. That wouldn't have been necessary if it was SSI. Chris would also be subject to extremely stringent asset rules if he was receiving SSI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 16:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

:::Of course, now with the Jackie emails, things are confused again. Chris referred to his tugboat exclusively as SSI, but that's not something he would have had to use Bob's social security record to get, merely proof of his own lack of income/assets. It's good news for the "sink the tugboat" crowd if he's telling the truth, though; it's a lot easier to lose SSI benefits than SSDI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 09:45, 9 November 2010 (PST)

::::*I think a lot of people get hung up over Bob's involvement when, in my case, they shouldn't be. I think when Chris comments on how Bob "pulled some strings" he was doing so to sound important, not because Bob did something shady (though I won't rule out the possibility). But this does bring up a good point, as I personally wasn't aware that SSI was also for disabled people. I thought SSI was regular social security, that is for those over 65, and SSDI was for the disabled but Wikipedia has proved me wrong. Has Chris said it's SSI? It would be safer to go with what Chris says. Find sources for that and add a note that it could be SSDI. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:34, 2 July 2011 (PDT)

:::::*Dkain is correct. It's SSIDI (Supplemental Security Income for Disabled and some other shit that starts with an "I"). It's a program for disabled children of qualifying parents. Obstensibly it's money Bob paid into the system when he was drawing a paycheck (via FICA tax); in reality the payout ends up being more than what was paid in because of annual cost-of-living increases and the initial settlement. $800 is a common monthly amount and is pretty much the low end of the totem pole, but Medicare is included and the income is non-taxable. The beneficiary (in this case, Chris) is reviewed every 3 to 5 years to re-qualify -- there's little chance that Chris would be cut off, because if he ain't a hopeless nutjob, who is?

::::::I get SSDI, (Social Security Disability Income) which is different -- basically it's what Bob would qualify for. (I'm older than all you punx but not of retirement age thx, plus ''I have all my hair.'') I paid into the system for twenty years and don't feel bad about getting some of it back. It kind of blows getting by on what they hand out (I was making a tidy six figures before I got sick) and I'm about to nuke the whole thing by getting a j.o.b., but it was sure a leg up. Plus I have these groovy license plates. I was denied twice and had to appeal three times, it took about two years to do. The case worker came to see me while I was in the ICU once and I still got turned down. There's a thing called "ticket to work" that lets you make some outside income, but I could never get a straight answer about how much you can make before they cut you off so I didn't take the gig -- losing Medicare would have made things very iffy. Fun, but of a mild type.

::::::One more clarification (Champ, accept my apologies and feel free to toast all this if I'm getting too forum-y) SSDI is paid on the 3rd of the month, supposedly at 12 AM unless the 3rd falls on a weekend or holiday when it gets bumped up a day or two. Ferexample, since the 3rd of this month (July '11) is a Sunday, benefits were paid on the night of Thursday May 31st (formally, midnight Friday morning). Most banks will let you take an (up to) one-month advance against a direct deposit, usually at a horrendous interest rate (Wells Fargo and B of A charge 120% IIRC) -- Chris could use this credit line on the sly without Bob knowing until the next month. It'd be interesting to know if he has done so, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

::::::Medicare is Federal and parts A, B, and D (doctor, hospital, prescription) come with SSDI. Being awarded SSDI qualifies you for Medic''aid'', which is optional and administered by the state. Medicaid takes care of the co-pays, but you have to pay a stiffish premium. It's also of course not deducted from your (Federal) benefits, you have to pay it yourself. (In my case, the Medicaid premium was over a thousand bucks a month but I was facing surgery where the co-pay alone would have been over $100K.) Reading between the lines, Chris doesn't seem to have Medicaid, probably a case of Bob being cheap and Chris' medical expenses not amounting to much anyway. - [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 09:04, 2 July 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2011-07-02T16:04:35Z

Smokedaddy: SSDI vs SSIDI and other fun stuff

==To do==
*Chris's references to his monthly tugboat (see Smithey e-mails and Miyamoto e-mails).

== BETTER TO DO ==
The origins are explained in the BlueSpike Skype log...somewhere. just...look for it. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:14, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
:Done, Cash Sifu. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 20:29, 11 October 2010 (PDT)

----

Random Thought: Since Chris gets paid from welfare out of our pockets, are we not paying for him entertaining us? It seems like a fair exchange for me. If anything, Chris should be thanking us (and everyone else who is an USAfag and pays taxes) for keeping him and his creepy obsessions alive. Since I have to pay for him, I want to get every cent worth from this lolcow. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:33, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

==Disambiguation==
'Monthly Tugboat' shoud just contain the definition and the times he's used the word, we shoud create another page titled 'Chris and Money' --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 01:38, 20 May 2009 (CEST)

I liek both the above ideas. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

==$800,$750?==

I've noticed that some pages say that his tugboat is $750 and others saying that it's $800. Does anyone have evidence to show which value it is?([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 19:25, 21 July 2009 (CEST))
*The thing is, Chris has said about three different values. I believe he's said "$800" so let's try and find a citation for that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 21 July 2009 (CEST)
*The tugboat rises in value each year so long as cost of living increases, so it's definitely over $800. $750 might be an old number from a few years back. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 17:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

==State or federal?==
Is the welfare program chris leeches off of paid for by all taxpayers or just the ones in virginia? [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 21:18, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
*It's social security. So it's federal. And it is somehow arranged through Bob's SSN. Details as to how this works exactly are fuzzy. But it isn't typical state welfare. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:01, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
:*It needs to be reiterated that this is not a welfare check but a disability check. It is a form of government welfare, but it is not welfare in a "you don't need to work" sort of way but that he has managed to establish he has a disability (namely autism) that prevents him from maintaining or keeping work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== On Advice of Bob? ==

Is there a source of where this came from? If it came from Chris I feel it may be a point to make that this may be Chris' point of view on the matter and may not reflect the truth. --[[User:El Presidente|El Presidente]] 12:14, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== This is bullshit ==

NOT. A. FORUM. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 11:14, 4 September 2010 (PDT)
: Sorry for asking here, but since the PVCC is private, where can we go to talk about the BS about Chris spending our money on his stuff at? -- [[User:Ashki|Ashki]]
:: There may still be a /cwc/ board on 789chan. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:22, 23 September 2010 (PDT)

== Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? ==

"Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income."

I'm not entirely sure how this works. Exactly, what did Bob do to screw Chris over? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 00:18, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
: Whether Bob "screwed Chris over" is kind of a matter of perspective, but it works like this. If an SSDI beneficiary works a real job and makes enough money, they will receive reduced benefits according to how much actual income they earn. However, there's a threshold that has to be reached before that reduction starts happening, which is what that quote describes. Chris could get a job and earn as much as a grand a month before the government started docking his monthly SSDI check (and he'd have to earn a lot more than that before they stopped giving him any SSDI money at all). So the argument would be that Bob has misled Chris to his detriment by convincing him that if he works, he won't make as much money as he brings in just by waiting for his SSDI checks. The counter-argument would be that Bob still has two brain cells to rub together and knows that sending Chris into the workforce would just mean eventually having to deal with another court date. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 02:40, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Alright, I should know how this works but it seems more clear now. Thanks. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Chris gets around $9000/year from the gov't. Half of that goes towards "room & board" or something which like money the gov't would give to a mental institution or your caretakers. The rest is to pay for your living expenses including entertainment -- the gov't doesn't give a shit if you go see a movie or two on their dime. In theory they want you to be able to earn money on SSI, but if Chris did find and keep a job, even if it's washing dishes at Denny's, that could prove that his autism doesn't disable him hard enough to get free money. If he can work at a job then he's not disabled, and the tugboat goes away probably forever. Most of the money Chris has under his control gets spent on entertainment, because his parents still buy most or all of his food and gas. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:31, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Chris getting a job wouldn't end the tugboat; it's meant to supplement a low-paying job (as that's all Chris will ever be able to hold down) and provide a living wage. The disability payment is based on his autism, not on some judgment of how much he can or can't work. As noted above, his payments would only start to decrease once he started making over $12k a year. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:06, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::SSI is only paid if your mental illness is so bad that you can't keep a job. It's fairly easy to lose SSI. This is like when people get disability insurance payments for a back injury and are caught lifting heavy shit. $12k a year is $8/hr for 30/hrs a week, btw. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::Specifically, you get SSDI if you can't do "substantial work," whatever that means. I'm not sure it means just the same thing as the $x/month. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:48, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::There's a substantial difference between SSI (payments only to the disabled, end if you can work) and SSDI (payments to the disabled to supplement work income). Chris gets SSDI, he does not get SSI. (SSDI requires Social Security work credits, which is why Bob's work history was involved; SSI is paid out of the general revenues and would actually validate the Chris-on-welfare meme trolls like to get mad about.) [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:I'm the one who wrote that. I know because I'm basically Chris. As SSDI was explained to me by a Social Security worker when I applied for it, you can make only up to a certain amount of money a month, after which you lose 100% of your benefits either immediately or after some sort of review process. This action is binary; there is no gradient similar to the $1 you lose for every $2 you make while getting SS retirement benefits. That amount changes yearly according to a certain, proscribed plan, I'm sure to adjust for inflation and shit. In 2010, the amount is $1000, i.e. person on SSDI—i.e. Chris—could contribute to society an amount of work a month worth $1000 without being penalized in the slightest, but Chris's dad, being an ignorant, self-important hick who holds some idiotic, arbitrary, long-dated sense of "honor" or God-knows what above any natural sense of decency, i.e. a Southerner, apparently convinced Chris not to bother. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:43, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::I think, as has been speculated, Bob discouraged Chris from working in order to keep him out of trouble. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::That's obviously a possibility as Chris would IMMEDIATELY FUCK UP EVERYTHING if he got a job, but the article says that "[o]n the advice of his father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall," which is just flat-out stupid advice. I read somewhere that people don't always say exactly what they believe, though. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 21:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Aye. I think "You can't get a job because you'll lose your disability" was just easier for Bob to use to convince him than "You can't get a job because you're a fuckup of cosmic proportions." [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 04:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

== Just to clarify ==

Since I edited the acronyms on this page -- when you're talking about the income that Chris receives from the gov't, that's '''Supplemental Security Income (SSI)''', the $800 or so he receives monthly. '''Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)''' is something different; in Chris's case, that's Medicare (the federally funded healthcare system in the U.S., for overseas CWCikipedians). Since he is permanently disabled (his autism won't be "cured" by GodJesus or any of Chris's forgiveness blessings), he will ALWAYS receive Medicare, which pays for 80% of most healthcare excluding dental, vision, etc, but, as noted, his SSI is contingent on his total income & the poverty level in Virginia. I think he technically receives more than $800/month, but the money that's not deposited into his bank goes straight toward paying his Medicare premium. Obviously it's different for every case. Anyway, there are several other Social Security type benefits like Veterans, Survivors, Death, etc, but it always causes confusion because the acronyms are all fucked -- the Nixon administration or whoever didn't think their cunning plan through. [[Image:Horse3.gif|Horsehorsehorse]] [[User talk:Horsehorsehorse|Talktalktalk]] 16:00, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
:Thanks for clearing that shit up, I can see I was confused on a number of points. Well done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:33, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
::Actually, no, Chris's check is SSDI because they had to use Bob's work record to file for it. That wouldn't have been necessary if it was SSI. Chris would also be subject to extremely stringent asset rules if he was receiving SSI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 16:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

:::Of course, now with the Jackie emails, things are confused again. Chris referred to his tugboat exclusively as SSI, but that's not something he would have had to use Bob's social security record to get, merely proof of his own lack of income/assets. It's good news for the "sink the tugboat" crowd if he's telling the truth, though; it's a lot easier to lose SSI benefits than SSDI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 09:45, 9 November 2010 (PST)

::::*I think a lot of people get hung up over Bob's involvement when, in my case, they shouldn't be. I think when Chris comments on how Bob "pulled some strings" he was doing so to sound important, not because Bob did something shady (though I won't rule out the possibility). But this does bring up a good point, as I personally wasn't aware that SSI was also for disabled people. I thought SSI was regular social security, that is for those over 65, and SSDI was for the disabled but Wikipedia has proved me wrong. Has Chris said it's SSI? It would be safer to go with what Chris says. Find sources for that and add a note that it could be SSDI. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:34, 2 July 2011 (PDT)

:::::*Dkain is correct. It's SSIDI (Supplemental Security Income for Disabled and some other shit that starts with an "I"). It's a program for disabled children of qualifying parents. Obstensibly it's money Bob paid into the system when he was drawing a paycheck (via FICA tax); in reality the payout ends up being more than what was paid in because of annual cost-of-living increases and the initial settlement. $800 is a common monthly amount and is pretty much the low end of the totem pole, but Medicare is included and the income is non-taxable. The beneficiary (in this case, Chris) is reviewed every 3 to 5 years to re-qualify -- there's little chance that Chris would be cut off, because if he ain't a hopeless nutjob, who is?

::::::I get SSDI, (Social Security Disability Income) which is different -- basically it's what Bob would qualify for. (I'm older than all you punx but not of retirement age thx, plus ''I have all my hair.'') I paid into the system for twenty years and don't feel bad about getting some of it back. It kind of blows getting by on what they hand out (I was making a tidy six figures before I got sick) and I'm about to nuke the whole thing by getting a j.o.b., but it was sure a leg up. Plus I have these groovy license plates. I was denied twice and had to appeal three times, it took about two years to do. The case worker came to see me while I was in the ICU once and I still got turned down. There's a thing called "ticket to work" that lets you make some outside income, but I could never get a straight answer about how much you can make before they cut you off so I didn't take the gig -- losing Medicare would have made things very iffy. Fun, but of a mild type. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 09:04, 2 July 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Anna McLerran

2011-06-01T23:01:57Z

Smokedaddy: re a post she made

==To do==
*<strike>Add photos of Anna</strike> Thought there's definitely a better pic out there.
*<strike>add pictures from that birthday party</strike> They're on the page. --[[User:Rafaal|Rafaal]] 20:57, 1 September 2009 (CEST)
*<strike>Add the Crazy Pacer story where she first meets Chris</strike>
*Piping quotes

==Anna's birthday==
Based on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/dvd/196.jpg this DVD image], Anna's b-day seems to be early August. Now we just need a day. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:12, 12 March 2009 (CET)

==Okay...==
I pulled a bunch of information on her and dumped it onto the page, I'm going to clean up the article by tomorrow...--[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 22:01, 17 March 2009 (CET)

==God Damn.==
She's hot . I want her. [[User:ChainsawChandler|ChainsawChandler]] 00:16, 19 May 2009 (CEST)
*I could pull more photos if the community wants them --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 04:50, 19 May 2009 (CEST)
:Nudes plix. [[User:Fat Nigger|Fat Nigger]] 13:52, 26 July 2009 (CEST)

**MMM...boobies...-[[User:Gwonam|Gwonam]]

==Youtube and Myspace==
http://www.youtube.com/user/mickylaren

Youtube page

http://www.myspace.com/annamclerran

myspace page.

I dont know how to update the page with this.
[[User:Granola|Granola]] 13:37, 7 July 2009 (CEST)

==I love lesbians, more than anyone, so why don't lesbians love me?==
Hey, I was adding a summary to an IRC chat where Chris talks about the lesbian thing, and I'm curious - do we have any primary source on that besides Chris? The page mentions Vivian also passed on that tidbit, but where did she get it from?

I ask only because I spent years growing up Mormon (kicked the habit when I left home), and the notion of an out-of-the-closet lesbian Mormon is very, very strange. Especially if she's out, still active in the church, AND living in Utah. Like I mentioned on the IRC page, the church collectively hates gay people almost as much as Chris does. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:38, 25 November 2009 (CET)

It might be that Anna told Chris she was a lesbian in order to prevent Chris from sexually harrassing her as he did Megan. On the other hand Vivian's testimony to this might be proof to the contrary. --[[User:Liquidcole|Liquidcole]]
*Yeah, the prevailing opinion (and I think Anna even confessed this on the old PVCC) is that she's really not a lesbian and this is something she told Chris so he wouldn't harass her and rule out ANY possibility for a relationship in Chris's mind. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:55, 25 November 2009 (CET)

**I think the best thing to do is not to change the page, however. It would be best that newfags and basement dwellers think she's a dyke in order to prevent people from trying to stalk her OL and essentially being like Chris. --[[User:Liquidcole|Liquidcole]]

**I saw a post she made on a message board recently (damned if I remember how to find it again) where she talked about the difficulties of being a lesbian Mormon. I thought she was just blowing Chris off, too, until I saw that. BTW, she must have finished college years ago, does anyone know if she's still in Utah?[[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 16:01, 1 June 2011 (PDT)
==[[CWCki:NAR|OH SHIT, WE WERE WRONG]]==
[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] actually bothered to follow Anna's twitter and found out that [http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439 that was really Anna who said the stuff about Chris]. Can someone dig through the ED edits to find out when this was posted and who said this? If this was posted under Chris's account, was this something Anna told Chris and Chris posted it there verbatim, or just something she approved of?

But anyways, the undos - really, people here shouldn't be referred to as "disgusting bags of crap" even if it's Chris. People like CWCki because we're slightly less biased than ED and our language is more encyclopedic than full out bashing, yet with a tone of familiarity that makes articles enjoyable to read. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 12:56, 7 December 2009 (CET)
* Sorry about that Chief, I'll try to cut down on the insults, I'll rewrite that bit. Also, I'll look into the ED revisions. (I still think Chris a disgusting bag of crap)--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:11, 7 December 2009 (CET)
**Cut down on the "ED" flavor. I hope this revision is more acceptable. Will update with research on her ED edits later. For now, I think it's important that we change the article to reflect the truth, to the best of our knowledge --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:21, 7 December 2009 (CET)
**Alright, back from my terrify journey to ED. All the edits were done by the same username: [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:ChadamRocket ChadamRocket]. All their edits are about Chris, attention whoring and an edit war with an ED user named [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Pollyanna Pollyanna]. Here's her [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Special:Contributions/ChadamRocket contributions]--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:33, 7 December 2009 (CET)
:::*Very good work, Megaman. Now we just need to find when she first posted that comment about Chris. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:57, 8 December 2009 (CET)
:::: The quote was posted on 05:52, 9 August 2008. What do you want me to do with all this information?--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 09:20, 8 December 2009 (CET)

==Criticism==
That section needs to be reworded a bit. It's alright - more or less trying to get at "Anna defends Chris as being manipulated but Chris does all this shit on his own free will and volition" but it's not doing a very good job communicating this. Needs to be reworded and also better piping (that is, things like "own" should not link to Megan).--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:06, 8 December 2009 (CET)
* I was trying to demonstrate the many times Chris had done something strange and spontaneous without actualy listing and summarizing each one. I'll work on the re-wording. --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 09:20, 8 December 2009 (CET)

==Chris's relationship with Anna==
I just notice there's a cursory statement about how Anna and Chris were friends, like with the birthday party thing, but no real elaboration on that. Is there any way we could perhaps muster everything Chris has said about Anna to try and piece together a narrative on the nature of their relationship? Right now, the article seems to make a passing note about Tale of the Crazy Pacer and how the two became friends but then skips into how she got involved in ED drama and the trolls. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:29, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==[[Asperger Syndrome|Asperger's?]]==
I found Anna's [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran formspring page] and when she was asked a question on if she hates autistic people, she stated that she has a form of autism herself. After reading a bit on Anna, I'm guessing Asperger's. I'm not sure if she's lying or whatever or whether we discussed this already, but I'd thought I'd share. [[User:HermanoBluth|HermanoBluth]] 04:16, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
:It's probably self-diagnosed, or she's kidding. [[User:Hamsterjelly|Hamsterjelly]] 21:35, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:: Or could be part of this claim that she begs for attention. Which would be heavily ironic come to think of it. [[User:SerenityMoonstoner|SerenityMoonstone]] 23:41, 11 August 2010 (EST)

==Needs to be expanded==

I think this article would work better if it listed specific examples and quotes that show why Anna as an attention whore and unreliable source of information. I know this wiki is devoted to Chris, and things not directly related to him are only descr4ibed in minimal detail, but I still think this article could use more context.--[[User:Austin|Austin]] 10:41, 23 August 2010 (PDT)

== Turns out she really is gay ==

Is it worth mentioning on the page? Or should we just leave it since it's inconsequential and funnier to think she made it up to keep Chris away?

Sauces: [http://icerape.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding] and [http://icerape.tumblr.com/post/2774450080/gonna-tell-my-parents-the-secret-tomorrow] [[User:Arius|Arius]] 19:57, 16 January 2011 (PST)
:I dunno. She's proven to be such a bullshit factory (how many fucking blogs is she up to?) that I wonder if it isn't long past time to just ignore her. If you ask me I reckon this page could stand a good paring down. There's a lot of shit about her and only so much about her and Chris. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 20:52, 16 January 2011 (PST)

== Setting you guys straight. ==

I'm going in and editing your wiki page on me for your sake as much as for mine. I'm trying not to change too much, but I'm correcting any false or outdated information, including nonworking links. After this, seeing as how Chris and I don't talk these days, I really see no reason for anything to ever be added or changed about the page. I am a non-player. If you want to change some things back, whatever, but know that I'm not changing anything that's true or mostly true. I recommend deleting the whole ED DRAMA section and the CRITICISM/BACKLASH section as they don't really hold relevance to the CWCki.
:Honestly, I know little about this, but don't worry about changing it a lot if it's inaccurate. This isn't exactly our best-written article and the only goal this article should have is explaining how you pertain to Chris. I'll go through this article tomorrow or something and trim irrelevant details out if you don't. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:45, 24 February 2011 (PST)
*Personally the criticism, while obviously not flattering to you, still details a part of your involvement with Chris and how it fits into the larger troll culture, that is one of the few times it's appropriate to address metatrolling. While normally it's poor form to edit one's wiki article and you have your own personally biases, if you have something to say, you are welcome to contribute.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:08, 24 February 2011 (PST)

==On the Subject of Mic==
*Is Anna Mic? McLerran -> Mic. That would make sense in the context of previous Gal-Pals. Perhaps she's in contact with Chris again. [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 20:12, 20 April 2011 (PDT)
::i don't know but it would make the line "unfortunately she REFUSES to go beyond just friends" funnier if he was saying it about a lesbian -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 21:02, 20 April 2011 (PDT)
** As well as the whole "She's a tomboy and told me to get in touch with my feminine side" thing.

User:Smokedaddy

2011-05-17T02:24:39Z

Smokedaddy:

User:Smokedaddy

2011-05-17T02:21:44Z

Smokedaddy: Chris-Chan Speed Sculpt!

{{Americunt}}
{{Observer}}

== Fan Art! ==

From a friend of mine. Zbrush crashed on him before he got it fully posed and painted, but the result is still amusing. He muffed the eyes and made them both the same color, which we all know not to be the case. He tries to do one of these a day.

{{EmbedYoutube|site=youtube|1=2kP9vojVcwk|title=Chris-Chan Charicature Speed Sculpt|quote=AND ACRYLIC FUCKIN' PAINT! (simulated)|user=Smokedaddy|date=16 May 20|desc=The real thing is at least two cup sizes larger than the charicature, which is probably better looking than he is anyway.}}

== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. (To clarify, "my own" is used here in the sense of games I'm playing at the moment, not games I made - like the rest of you ''wish'' you did for a living. Hee!) This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in ''L4D'' (one) and some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them do look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

: * ''JUUULAY - 'nuff said.''

: * ''Manboobs and muscle bra bouncing, demonstrated for our pleasure and enlightenment.''

: * ''Flying Elephants - the rare naked rotating random-access kind.''

: * ''Chris savagely punching Clyde Cash in the face (Mr. Cash was not available, so Chris handles both roles.)''

: * ''IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.''

: * '''NEW VERSION, NOW WITH 20% MORE CWC, FEATURING:''' ''The Ruckersville Love Machine with Rage demonstrating his 100% ORIGINAL copyrighted oral-genital stimulation technique!''

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload to CWCki. So if ya want it, [http://www.4shared.com/file/QKy2epSS/cwc_sprays.html get it here.]

Unzip ye .vtfs someplace suitable, such as '''[yer drive letter here]:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead 2\left4dead2\materials\vgui\logos''' (in Windows 7 anyway) then from the main menu inside ''L4D2'', go to '''options / multiplayers / sprays / import spray''' and use your imagination. ''TF2'' works exactly the same way, only different.

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in ''TF2''. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they won't quite know why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

This L4D2 shot depicts Chris demonstrating his prehensile tongue. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse interfered with his Love Quest, lowering his chances of ever getting said tongue near a woman's genitalia from the current zero down to a purely theoretical number. The crosshairs seen on his face are not part of the spray, you will have to do that with your own weapon if you like the effect.

[[File:Cwctonguespray-l4d2.jpg]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug - admit it). Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

You're Welcome.

== Cosplay gone horribly meta ==

There is basically no fucking way I would ever be caught a) at an anime convention, b) in Ohio, or c) at an anime convention in Ohio. Nonetheless, one of my online correspondents can apparently be found at both, presumably after closing time at the glory hole. He took this pic (I am not making this up) at Oyahocon '09.

[[File:Ohayocon-chrischan.jpg]]

''Oyahocon.''

Being anywhere this sort of thing happens is proof that Life On The Edge™ must be possible in Ohio despite all evidence to the contrary.
THE CORN IS ON FIRE

CADD

2011-05-12T02:45:57Z

Smokedaddy: deleted "Timewarp" section - he met the course requirements and graduated

[[Image:0714-PVCCCaddDeg2.jpg|Chris's Associate in Applied Science with CADD emphasis. "The Associate in Applied Science degree is awarded to students who are permitted to relax some of the general education requirements in order to study more course work in their program area. This kind of degree is for students who intend to enter the work force upon graduation."|thumb]]
[[Image:0713-PVCCCaddDeg1.jpg|Chris's CADD certificate from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]|thumb]]

'''CADD''' stands for "Computer-Aided Drafting and Design". It's pretty much a 2-year course (though it took Chris more like 6 years to complete it, including the year in which he was expelled from college) that teaches you how to use MS Paint. Even though it took Chris a long time to obtain this "degree," of the years spent pursuing it, he has only produced two pieces of work. While one might assume they were two big projects over a long amount of time, the two pieces of work he produced were a map of his mall and an incredibly large 3D Mayor's Office about the size of a football field with nothing much inside it. Chris claims that he received an A+ for these projects which took him "weeks to months" to complete.<ref>[[Mumble 5]]</ref>.

Chris has two certificates in CADD. Looking at his current art, he'd probably have been better off spending his tuition fees on [[Lego]] blocks. The Associate's Degree in CADD is no longer offered by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]].<ref>http://www2.dailyprogress.com/cdp/news/local/local_govtpolitics/article/pvcc_drops_programs_amid_state_budget_crisis1/34137/</ref>

Chris states in his [[Father Call|call to Kacey's father]] that he entered into the CADD program without knowing what kind of jobs such a certificate could get him. Throughout his years at [[PVCC]], and in the five years since graduating, he still hasn't bothered to figure it out. If [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] still cared about anything, they'd be kicking themselves for wasting money on his tuition.

==Usage in the comics==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|left|'''Computer'''-Aided, not Pen-Aided.]]
Chris's CADD degrees apparently come into use within his [[comic]]s. He even alludes to them assisting him at many points in his comic; for example, [[:Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|Sonichu & Rosechu's benefit house]]. However, the few basic measuring skills he may have picked up from his CADD courses are made even more pitiful by the fact that he never uses a ruler nor are his drawings to scale, defeating the purpose of even learning CADD courses in the first place. Then again, it shouldn't require a fucking college course to be able to make basic measurements or draw things relatively proportionate to each other.

A villain by the name of [[CADD Chef]] appears in the comics, mocking Chris's designs for his mall. The CADD Chef is based on Chris's real life CADD teacher, who most likely gave Chris a bad grade on his real life mall designs. This "injustice" guaranteed CADD Chef a place in the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] as one of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s minions.

==Sauce==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloorOne.pdf Plans, Floor 1]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloor2.pdf Plans, Floor 2]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/MayorsOfficeModel1.pdf Plans, Mayor's Office]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk Original Project Files]
* [http://educhoices.org/articles/Computer_Aided_Drafting_and_Design_Degree_Review_-_Bachelor_Degree_Info.html Information about the degree, including possible jobs]

[[Category:Education]]

Talk:CADD

2011-05-12T02:43:55Z

Smokedaddy:

The "Timewarp" thing needs to be fixed. Chris probably did finish his classes, but it still took Chris six years to finish a two year degree which is really sad. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:36, 8 November 2009 (CET)
:Since his suspension was in 2003, he would have been back long before May '06. Colleges don't give diplomas to get rid of people who don't meet the course requirements. I'll deal with it. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 19:43, 11 May 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Death threats

2011-05-11T23:00:53Z

Smokedaddy: autism - violence connection

== Merge ==

Just what exactly constitutes two articles on the same thing? --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 15:05, 8 November 2009 (CET)

Yeah I think you might want to collect details on OTHER indirect murder threats Chris has made before making a page like this. [[User:Xentrilus|Xentrilus]] 15:17, 8 November 2009 (CET)

:Chris has made a whole bunch of indirect murder threats though. With a little bit of work this could be a pretty good article. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:19, 8 November 2009 (CET)
::Yes. While the content currently on this page could benefit the [[Sonichu Special 4]] article (eg the video itself), this article should be left alone so it can be added to. [[User:Xentrilus|Xentrilus]] 15:21, 8 November 2009 (CET)

Well, sorry. I noticed that the page hadn't yet been made.

P.S. I'm a newfag.
:Worry not. If one doesn't make mistakes, how can one learn? And all's well that ends well, anyway.

*I'm tempted to merge this into [[Chris and anger]] but it stands alright on its own. Let's discuss this some more. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:53, 9 November 2009 (CET)

I think we should keep this page. There's a huge margin between anger and death threats. Those two needs to be separated. --Griffintown.

*I think it merits its own page. Then again, I wrote most of it, so I'm not exactly unbiased.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:57, 9 November 2009 (CET)

:*Yeah, I think it's fine as it is now. There are less important topics than this that have their own articles. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 22:50, 9 November 2009 (CET)

*Perhaps we should include a Death Threats section on the Chris and Anger page, with a link to this article? --[[User:Marty Chang|Marty Chang]] 00:45, 10 November 2009 (CET)
* I put a link at the bottom of the Chris and Anger page. --[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 02:52, 10 November 2009 (CET)
* No merging necessary I think. --[[User:Hayate666|Hayate666]] 16:42, 10 November 2009 (CET)

== Fuck! ==

That last youtube video at the bottom isn't appearing for some reason! DX
:You don't actually need to include all the videos on this page. You can just link to the pages they're on. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:01, 8 November 2009 (CET)

== MEEEEEEEE!!! ==

THIS PAGE EXISTS BECAUSE OF MEEEEEE!!! ALL BOW BEFORE ME OR PERISH! --[[User:JonathanClement140|JonathanClement140]] needs to start using his signature. (4 of these: ~)

:*Ok.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:36, 9 November 2009 (CET)
:*USI: the comment. --[[User:LizardPie|LizardPie]] 19:07, 9 November 2009 (CET)

==Alec Benson Leary==
So Chris REALLY wants to kill people lately. Also, we now need a page about Alec.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:51, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

==Evan and Mao===
This is getting ridiculous. I liked it better when he only told people to die on special occasions.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 09:50, 17 January 2010 (UTC)

== Samantha Thaddeus. ==

He told her to hang himself. I just remembered.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 20:31, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

==Im surprised this has gone largely unnoticed by society==

We all know for a fact Chris is screwed up, there are countless videos up to prove it, But what is strange is that I have barely heard anything about anyone trying to send these threats youtube freakouts etc, to the authorities or a professional. So that Chris can be involuntarily institutionalized. Every day I visit the CWCKI and don't see a message announcing that Chris has been put in a room with padded walls it surprises me. [[User:GOTDANG|GOTDANG]] May 29 2010
:While Chris makes a variety of threats in his videos, I think you can see through them as being rather empty. Since Chris is lazy, he won't make the effort to leave his house and seek out anyone in order to cause harm to them. His laziness might actually be the main reason why he hasn't been deemed a big enough threat by authorities - who would already have met Chris and have witnessed some of his threats while they were doing things like escorting him out of [[Get-Tar Region|retail outlets]]. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 02:26, 29 May 2010 (UTC)

:There is a known connection between autism and violent behavior in some people. While it usually manifests at a younger age than Chris is now, the escalating threats may be symptomatic of something deeper. [http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/03/26/bauer_autism/index.html This Salon article] was written by the mother of an autistic son who became uncontrollably violent as he neared his 20s. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 16:00, 11 May 2011 (PDT)

==Liquid death threat==

Did Chris ever reply to the this [[CChanSonichuCWC_Videos,_August-November_2009#M.C._CWC_Serves_The_Girlfriend_Thief_the_Rhymes_to_Win_Kacey_Back|video]] where Liquid Chris threatens to turn Solid into a murder statistic at 2:22 minutes in ----[[User:Observer|Observer]] 04:34, 11 May 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Homos

2011-05-10T21:54:38Z

Smokedaddy: comment on lesbians

==To do==
*All of Chris's quotes asserting his heterosexuality
*Picture of Chris in his mom's underwear
*His comments against homos

==Expand to include Lesbians?==
This could be the topic of a separate article, but how would you people feel about including lesbians into this one? It's an interesting evolution of Chris's ideas. Originally, Chris was perfectly fine with lesbians, as he'd only have male homosexuals jailed and programmed whiled lesbians would be safe. Obviously, the reason why Chris likes lesbians is because they don't make him question his sexuality. I forget what exactly prompted it but I think maybe it was all the comments from trolls about how he's a hypocrite that he decided to start hating lesbians as well, as first seen in the "Boyfriend" music video.

I think this would be a good topic that should be discussed somewhere here on the CWCki, but should we include it into the homos article or should we delve into it in a separate article? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:45, 26 November 2009 (CET)
* Its more believable that he was rejected by a woman claiming truthfully or not that she was a lesbian and he suddenly realized that lesbian does not equal bisexual lesbian equal lesbian. [[User:Communist|Communist]]
** Anna McLerran made a blog post (I'm trying to dig up the link) about the difficulties of being a Mormon lesbian. So she wasn't kidding when she blew Chris off by telling him she only liked girls -- not that she or any other woman would let CWC touch her anyway. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 14:54, 10 May 2011 (PDT)

==Sex Toys thing==

Good so far, but I edited the thing about the anal beads. I've actually ordered from AdamAndEve.com before and they generally give you a choice of a toy or a DVD. Furthermore, the toy is usually based on what you order - order a fake pussy or something like that, and you'll get something like a fake cocksucker. Order something phallic and you'll get something phallic as a free gift (i.e. order a dildo, you'll get anal beads). It's been a while since I last ordered form them (pro tip: Amazon is actually cheaper) but I do believe you can opt out. I do believe that one of Chris's dildo (not his vibrator) he actually BOUGHT because (and I'm paraphrasing his own word) it was only like $1.99 or something like that. The moar you know. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:36, 14 March 2009 (CET)

: Whoa whoa whoa, back up. Chris has a dildo AND a vibrtator? --[[User:MachPunch|MachPunch]] 19:39, 15 March 2009 (CET)
: Hes the kind of retard to not realize they do the same thing when ones turned off. [[User:Communist|Communist]]

==Asexuality==

Me and a friend (who both enjoy this wiki very much) were talking about CWC recently, and we personally think he's asexual, but trying to put up a heterosexual facade because Grown Ups Have Sex; so I added a little bit about that possibility. [[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 21:21, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

* The asexuality section is great. I really believe Chris is obsessed with getting laid not out of any perversion or actual sexual desire, but because it's what he believes adulthood is about. And to be honest, sexuality is a big part of being an adult, unfortunately Chris is ignoring things like interpersonal relationships, financial responsibility, work, every single other thing. tl;dr: Chris isn't a pervert or homophobe, he's just retarded.

* Alright, it seems that this article is the wrong page for the asexuality bit and that the Chris and Sex page would be a better fit for it, so I'm going to put it over there, then. [[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 08:51, 6 August 2009 (CEST)

*"''tl;dr: Chris isn't a pervert or homophobe, he's just retarded.''" Haha, what? Because drawing furfag porn,drinking his [[navy]],the infamous"''I don't know child, what with the dumb laws.''"quote regarding the fact an apparently [[Zapina|14 year old character]] couldn't be in a pornographic film, the also infamous "''I can imagine myself doing it with a collie at least. you know, like Lassie.''"quote and other things aren't signs of serious perversion at all? tl;dr being a furfag,drinking his semen,showing signs of pedophilia, and possibly accepting bestiality remove any weight the "''he's just retarded''" argument has. Even if the semen drinking, and bestiality answer could be passed off as doing things to get [[china]], it would remain that Chris became a furfag and [[pedofork]] on his own will. Oh,and I'd like to see any proof he really isn't a homophobe seeing as he fits the dictionary definition to a T.--[[User:Ror|Ror]] 05:58, 27 September 2009 (CEST)

*I consider several things, now that's it brought up. From the Chris and Sex page "then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form". Also the fact that he seems to have little care for actual humans, but feel care for his hedgehogs and his dead dog. and the bestiality bits. I think Chris is Asexual to humans, or things he sees as human. He isn't a furfag, because he isn't a furry, and he ain't a furry because he's said "screw that" to anthropomorphized animals, and seems to just like (and "like") non-human animals (because like his dog, his sonichus and such like him for how he is, and don't have stupid human ideas like bathing)[[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 05:21, 31 May 2010 (UTC)

== Revelation? ==

I happened to glance at CWCikipedia's article on[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education Dating Education], and I noticed something.

"It is a fact that individuals who were unable to find their opposite-gender Sweetheart or crushes and get lucky before adulthood are likely tempted to turn homo"

Apparently not getting Hanky Panky during teenaged years leads to temptations of being a homo. CWC Science Proven Fact! Anyway, would this be notable enough to put in either this article or Chris and sex, or just forget about it?--[[User:WEsKar|WEsKar]] 20:27, 6 August 2009 (CEST)

: I slipped it into the "Fear of..." section already, but it bears further expansion. This is quite the psycho-sexual revelation on Chris's part. [[User:CDiddles|CDiddles]] 20:51, 6 August 2009 (CEST)

== "Christopher" (I guess?) faved [http://krapplekomputerkompany.com/cwc/img/1251873110513.jpg this] ==

Christopher also does [http://krapplekomputerkompany.com/cwc/img/1252025256932.jpg a lot] of other shit like that right now. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 18:32, 4 September 2009 (CEST)

==Mother's Underwear==
Does anyone know when and why he posted that picture?[[User:Skwrr|Skwrr]] 21:52, 13 October 2009 (CEST)

The picture of Chris in his mom's underwear is an older picture from '07-'08. Why he put it on and uploaded it? 1. You'll have to see the [[sports bra]] article. 2. What can we expect from someone who bows like a girl, penetrates like a girl, and collects my little ponies? 3. A troll made him do it.

--[[User:Scarletdragon|Scarletdragon]] 04:07, 15 October 2009

*It's from September 2008. Lordsillynipples posed as Blanca and "Blanca" told Chris he would leave him if he didn't wear his mother's underwear, hence why he's not wearing a shit eating grin. I swore there was an article on just those pictures but I forget what it was called. I swore that this was something Chris did before on his own (try on his mother's underwear) but apparently, I was mistaken. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:39, 15 October 2009 (CEST)

==Home Gene==
I was reading mailbag on the CWCipedia, and one 'fan' posed a question that Chris gave a rather interesting answer to. They asked how Chris was going to rehabilitate the homos after the Dating ED episode in the comic, and Chris explained how he ends up out of the time void a year after the present where scientists have isolated the genes for homo and heterosexuality. He offers his straight blood in order to create a vaccine for gayness, and will take it back to his time period. --[[User:Rye|Rye]] 6:18, 19 November 2009
** If he knew anything about how vaccines are made he would realize that you cant cure genes. that and we know what the gay gene is its the same gene that causes extreme fertility among women.

=="Chris on his alleged homosexuality" needs updating==
I am 99% positive Chris has said something denying he's a homosexual since the most recent quote on the list. We need to update it with other ones (make sure they're some variant of the existing ones, that is Chris denying he's gay and that he's STRAIGHT). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:18, 30 November 2009 (CET)

==Heather Iglesias==
"Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu (that is, the fictional actors who portray them, and not the doubly-fictional characters themselves, if you want to add another layer of crazy to the parfait of suck that is the Sonichu series) are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]]..."

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean; I don't remember Chris ever saying that Sonichu and Rosechu are actors. If I'm wrong, feel free to add back with a source. --[[User:Sonichuis44|sonichuis44]] 03:41, 9 December 2009 (CET)

== Chris hates lesbians now ==

Chris dislikes the lesbians just like the homos. He said this answering a question in a recent Mailbag. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 12:02, 21 December 2009 (CET)

Srsly guys. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 10:15, 26 December 2009 (CET)

Also is there any "update needed" tag on CWCki? --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 10:16, 26 December 2009 (CET)

...also I guess I'm starting to take all this too seriously. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 10:17, 26 December 2009 (CET)
*I'm gonna make a separate article about lesbians sometime soon, titled [[Dykes Dykes China|Dykes]], since lesbians and male homosexuals don't mean exactly the same to Chris. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:33, 26 December 2009 (CET)
*An update needed tag would be handy, good thinking Sonijew. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:10, 31 December 2009 (CET)

== Chris needs to realize this. ==

Lets just say Chris finally learns to accept himself for who he is (Gay, bisexual at LEAST), ALOT of trolls would stop, because most, if not all of the trolls arent homophobic. Chris really brought this upon himself, its a classic example of a "Victim Complex". ITs kinda like how CHRIS is the one who posted the picture of sonichu on 4chan, yet he blames the site.
-[[User:CJB8895|Cody]] 12:08 AM
:I have never seen proof that Chris himself posted the picture of Sonichu on 4chan. [[User:RobGoblin|RobGoblin]] 03:49, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
:A better comparison would be how he uploaded [[Shecameforcwc.jpg]] to [[ED]]. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 04:21, 22 May 2010 (UTC)

== TARD LOGIC ==

Doesn't Chris realize that turning all the homos straight would decrease his risk of finding a boyfriend-free girl?
I mean if he truly wanted to have a BFG he would want all jerks to be homos--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 02:20, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
:I think that's been pointed out to him before in the Mailbag and he essentially blew that person off. Chris might be aware of this but he just doesn't seem to care (like so many other things). --[[User:GotAFish|GotAFish]] 08:54, 31 May 2010 (UTC)

==Phobia==
I'd just like to point out that phobia isn't a fear of X, it's an irrational fear of X. So is it okay to change the line "he is literally afraid of homosexuality..." into "he is literally , and irrationally, afraid of homosexuality..." or would this just be too silly/too much?[[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 05:10, 31 May 2010 (UTC)

== Five possibilities ==

Who the fuck's bright idea was that? God damn, I let people do their own thing and I find people add shit like that. Why the hell is this there, someone tell me? You've enumerated the possibilities for ANYONE - it's pointless to point out that someone is either A or not A, if someone's A, of course he's not going to be not A. God damn.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:49, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
*In other words, this section either needs to be eliminated or possibilities narrowed down to possibilities grounded on evidence and not just every possible sexuality Chris could be in actuality.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:50, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
:INVISIBLE HAND, CHAMPTHOM! INVISIBLE HAND! [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 12:36, 12 October 2010 (PDT)

==Another inconsistency==

Not that this article needs further evidence of Chris's irrational prejudice and idiocy, but, as observed [[Mailbag 5|elsewhere]], when giving advice for a pregnant woman, he said, "...NEVER EVER let your wife drink, smoke or be physically abused or hurt while she is pregnant. IF ANYTHING, such actions CAN PROVOKE homosexuality in the child," acknowledging that homosexuality is not a matter of choice.--[[User:Henry Bemis|Henry Bemis]] 13:29, 10 May 2011 (PDT)

User:Smokedaddy

2011-05-09T09:53:51Z

Smokedaddy:

{{Americunt}}
{{Observer}}
== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. (To clarify, "my own" is used here in the sense of games I'm playing at the moment, not games I made - like the rest of you ''wish'' you did for a living. Hee!) This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in ''L4D'' (one) and some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them do look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

: * ''JUUULAY - 'nuff said.''

: * ''Manboobs and muscle bra bouncing, demonstrated for our pleasure and enlightenment.''

: * ''Flying Elephants - the rare naked rotating random-access kind.''

: * ''Chris savagely punching Clyde Cash in the face (Mr. Cash was not available, so Chris handles both roles.)''

: * ''IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.''

: * '''NEW VERSION, NOW WITH 20% MORE CWC, FEATURING:''' ''The Ruckersville Love Machine with Rage demonstrating his 100% ORIGINAL copyrighted oral-genital stimulation technique!''

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload to CWCki. So if ya want it, [http://www.4shared.com/file/QKy2epSS/cwc_sprays.html get it here.]

Unzip ye .vtfs someplace suitable, such as '''[yer drive letter here]:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead 2\left4dead2\materials\vgui\logos''' (in Windows 7 anyway) then from the main menu inside ''L4D2'', go to '''options / multiplayers / sprays / import spray''' and use your imagination. ''TF2'' works exactly the same way, only different.

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in ''TF2''. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they won't quite know why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

This L4D2 shot depicts Chris demonstrating his prehensile tongue. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse interfered with his Love Quest, lowering his chances of ever getting said tongue near a woman's genitalia from the current zero down to a purely theoretical number. The crosshairs seen on his face are not part of the spray, you will have to do that with your own weapon if you like the effect.

[[File:Cwctonguespray-l4d2.jpg]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug - admit it). Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

You're Welcome.

== Cosplay gone horribly meta ==

There is basically no fucking way I would ever be caught a) at an anime convention, b) in Ohio, or c) at an anime convention in Ohio. Nonetheless, one of my online correspondents can apparently be found at both, presumably after closing time at the glory hole. He took this pic (I am not making this up) at Oyahocon '09.

[[File:Ohayocon-chrischan.jpg]]

''Oyahocon.''

Being anywhere this sort of thing happens is proof that Life On The Edge™ must be possible in Ohio despite all evidence to the contrary.
THE CORN IS ON FIRE

Talk:Abusive babysitter

2011-05-06T20:44:55Z

Smokedaddy: ruminations on renaming the article

I got your message Champ, I guess I need to find a better excuse to RRAAAARLL. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 12:06, 10 May 2009 (CEST)

== De-stubification ==

I might try and edit this into a full article. Wish me luck, gentlemen. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 17:11, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

:Good luck. I'll take a bash at it as well, once you're through --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 17:15, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

::Okay, I tried my best (with the few sources there are). Basically I just elaborated on select parts. Unless the big guy reveals anything more about his babysitter, this article will forever remain a stub. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 17:24, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

::*Well it's a small article, which isn't necessarily bad. I think we should try to remind ourselves that just because it's small doesn't mean it doesn't warrant an article. Stubs should more or less be articles that are only a sentence long and there to get the ball holding.
:::Hasn't Chris mentioned the babysitter more than once? We need to list every instance Chris has mentioned her in any media that's available.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:18, 28 March 2010 (UTC)

== Possible rename? ==
Would it be more appropriate to rename this page "Roach" or something similar? It seems odd to me to refer to her as the Abusive babysitter when we know at least part of her actual name. --[[User:Obligatory|Obligatory]] 11:04, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

:I'd say no, because the page isn't really about her, but Chris's distorted perception of what happened. (Who remembers anything from when they were 1 1/2 anyway?) Her name is just a part of the story, not the story itself. Perhaps a redirect? [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 13:44, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

Tomgirl Pictures

2011-05-04T03:01:32Z

Smokedaddy: noted the horizontal flips

{{Honest}}
[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]

[[File:Tomgirlart.jpg|thumb|250px]]
One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take pictures of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on the 28 April 2011. Why Chris decided to change his look are not yet known, however it can be speculated that Chris is trying to get some [[china]] using the logic that [[Tiffany Gowen|"Tomboys"]] tend to go for [[Homos|"Tomgirls"]] naturally.

For some inexplicable reason, several of the images are reversed left-to-right. This appears to be limited to (some of) the 640x480 pictures. They are reproduced here in their original form -- how and why Chris did this is unknown. TG6, TG9, and TG19 are examples; there are several others.

===Chris's outfit===
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eyeliner
* Jeans
* Blue string top
*Black thong
*A silver ring<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]]</ref> (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]]<ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
Image:TG3.jpg|The quote is "When government fears the people, there is freedom..." by [[A Hike|Thomas Jefferson]].
Image:TG4.jpg
Image:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the Color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left wing buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and white goo. He's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg
File:TG11.jpg
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg
File:TG22.jpg
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Please note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] on the right of the picture.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Anime_Wings|Anime Wings]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]

==References==
<references/>
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category: CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Talk:Tomgirl Pictures

2011-05-03T08:01:22Z

Smokedaddy:

In case anyone's wondering, the images are called "TG#" because TomGirl. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* '''MY EYES!''' CAN NOT UNSEE! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)CFA

Is there ANY backstory to this?!? What I don't understand is that he 1) went into PUBLIC wearing this stuff (there's a picture of him at his mall) and 2) It looks like he shaved his underarms in one or two pictures...WHY?! Dear God why?! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:26, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* Pretty sure he always shaved his underarms. I don't know why I know that. --[[User:Kwippleton|Kwippleton]] 19:38, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:I guess you don't understand hygiene, 4Macie. That's besides esthetics. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 06:02, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*Yes but A. This is Chris, hygiene is a foreign word to him and B. Its aesthetics. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:35, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
:The article could use some clarification as to what the hell is going on here. There's gotta be some sort of story behind this. What's the deal? This is some of Chris's weirdest antics yet. Just when you think the lulcow ran dry... [[User:Abyssal|Abyssal]] 19:42, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Note that both ears are pierced, not just the gay ear (see: cucumbers on eyes pic). Also, that's his real hair and the images aren't censored; he's wearing a g-string. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Are they really pierced or are they those clip on/magnet ones?? Is there anyway we can tell?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:04, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:: They're real. Trust me. If they were clip ons, there would be more of an indent. I'm also pretty sure that clip ons are bigger. The ones I had as a kid certainly were, and I was pretty into those things. [[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 20:08, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::: That would make sense...I bet the ring/hoop ones are fake though, there's no hole for them in other pictures (unless he got them later). And why are they so oddly placed?? They aren't on the lobe like they should be...unless they've changed where they put them now (I got mine when I was 7). Or...could he have done them himself??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::: They are real. Also, I'm not aware of any way to have a stud clip-on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 20:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
*At this point, he's gotta be fucking with us. He wants to gross us out, so we don't bother him. --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 20:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: You think he pierced his ears to get us to leave him alone? [[User:PeachyKeen|PeachyKeen]] 20:20, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

He's using a real camara to take his picture in some of these, that's unusual. I wonder what the poor guy who had to develop them was thinking. O_o [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 20:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

This is probably a long shot, however I really think he did this for a girl. Most likely a girl who liked to dress up as a guy and wanted Chris to do the same. Or it's a really, really good troll. Either way, whoever made him do this is really good at what they do, because these pictures are FUCKING DISGUSTING. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 20:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: [[:File:TG3.jpg|"...when the government fears the people, there is liberty"]]. I'm sure this new heartsweet has her Guy Fawkes mask ready. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 02:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Let me tell you something, and like I said, this really isn't really the place to say it. But nonetheless, whenever I try to rationalize what Chris does, I usually get disappointed because the simple fact of the matter is - Chris is just fucked up.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The saddest thing about all this is that this didn't even suprise me in the slightest, I wasn't even mildly shocked to see Chris in drag, or even with a sock on his flacid manhood. --[[User:Gustofwind|Gustofwind]] 21:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: many are saying it isn't a sock...it's a g-string. You can't see the strings holding it up because of his gut roll over but when he does the picture of his butt, you can see the black thong part in the crack.....if you REALLY want to look that is. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Goddaemnd monkey-assed hell. Well, what do we do with this page? Start describing shit? In fuckin' ''detail''?! It could stand as is, like the CWCki's own personal 'shock page'...--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:00, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

INFO, somebody has it. Where are the pictures from? Did he upload them somewhere? Or is it old stuff made public by trolls? --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:It's all recent and Clyde got it by hacking Chris' PSN. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 22:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::Excellent, this, coupled with the PSN being down, is probably the best chance we'll get at him returning. --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::PSN has been offline for a week all because of these photos, spread the word [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 22:15, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::In the meantime, someone try to find an appropreate picture of King Hippo from the Captain N cartoon; he also crossdresses, and he's also a fat, useless, discolored retard.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:17, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

In some of these, he looks uncannily like a fat version of Buffalo Bill. [[User:Vulture-chan|Vulture-chan]] 22:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

I was about to ask if the PSN take down made him go further down the crazy hole o_o [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:Chris has been at this a while, and you can tell because growing out hair takes a while. The PSN going down was coincidence. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 00:49, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
I also love the claims that he is "straight". Yeah, Chris is as "straight" as a circle >_> [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:34, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Circle? Try "ampersand." --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:25, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

here's something everybody should think about: chris is wearing his mom's clothes. i mean surely he didn't pay for any of this shit when there are MOUNTAINS of free clothes blocking up whole rooms of his house. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 00:36, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:Already wore his mum's underwear that one time. Wouldn't be a new thing for him. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 01:19, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

I wonder if Bob has caught this yet. [[User:Westbound|Westbound]] 05:08, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

*Guys, please, remember - this page is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. Srsly, I told you fuckers that that ModNation Racer character wasn't Crystal.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:22, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

Anyone with some solid info about this? Do this is a new saga? Who asked him to dress that way? Do we got any metadata linked to the picture so we can have time/date info? This is the best update for months and we got so little info on it. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:00, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*I can talk to Tito about getting the raw images so we can get some metadata behind these.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 30 April 2011 (PDT)
*Could he be trying to be Crystal the Imaginary Twin sister? He tends to stick to the stripey clothing and jeans, which is pretty much what she wore [[User:PoppyPink|PoppyPink]] 00:24, 30 April 2011 (GMT)

*This is pure speculation, but do you think it's Mic, the one girl he talked about in the Autism Tutorial?--[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 07:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The updates are few an far between, but when they come, they are fascinating. I especially like how the Sailor Moon poster is in some of the the pics. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

This is going to kill Bob. Chris has evolved into a Snorlax. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 04:01, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

Well, there goes the theory of "Chris actually got his shit together and has begun leading a semi-normal life". [[User: GrotchManchowder|GrotchManchowder]] 23:02, 1 May 2011 (EST)

== Disturbing revelation ==

*[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG19.jpg This pic] raises several disturbing things. First off, If you look in the background, you see the journey's sign. Why does this matter you ask?
[http://www.simon.com/mall/MallDirectoryPrint.aspx?id=117 Fashion Square Mall Directory]
Journey's in the section labeled G on the map. Right near exact center of the mall, meaning he walked around like that near small children. It also explains where he might have picked up everything, for the women's Belk is right around the corner. The disturbing part is he walked around the mall a hop skip and a jump from where I work! And before you ask, no I didn't see him drag. Side note, he is wearing his ring again, see [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG5.jpg this pic]. Also, there is a piercing pagoda in the mall. In summation, he got pierced, did up and bought his tranny clothes all in the mall most likely. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
: Is [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG3.jpg this sign] somewhere in the mall? Is this part of some sort of cross-dressing awareness event, and is Chris just taking part? [[User:Turnabout|Turnabout]] 22:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
**It looks like the chalkboard Chris drew on in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]], which is in Charlottesville. That doesn't look like Chris's handwriting, so I think it's safe to assume he has a new, masculine gal-pal. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 10:25, 30 April 2011 (PDT)
*That chalkboard is the free speech wall on the downtown mall. You know where he did the sonichu dash vid? Same location. It's at the end down near the post office and right near a merry go round. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:20, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA

== Info? ==

Is there ANY background to this? Like: where did he get the term "TomGirl" and why does he think it means to dress up like a girl? (aka: this is cross-dressing...not being a "TomGirl") I guess it was said that this was hacked off his PS3 (PSN)..but WHY was it there in the first place?? He obviously took them for someone...he wouldn't have taken pictures of himself in drag if it was solely for his own viewing...would he??? I guess..
TL;DR: Is there any information about this??? Someone has to know something! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Well [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomgirl Wikipedia] Explains a tomgirl is a reverse tomboy, a guy who acts girly, a femboi in essence is a tomgirl. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 21:06, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
::Hmmm...well that's a start. Though I think Chris took this one a little too far for it to still be "TomGirl"ish... Now we just need the WHY I guess. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:11, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:::For the love of fuck just shut up and wait for the inevitable infodump that will explain everything.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:28, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
::::*True, though pretty much what's going on has already been explained by [[Tito]] [http://789chan.org/cwc/res/53442.html here]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:19, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

*Sweet merciful Jesus, he..he finally snapped, or he finally accepted it, just...wow. [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 21:32, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

== Preexisting gender determination issues ==

There is so fucking much up with this guy I don't even know where to start, but cross-dressing is the tip of the fucking iceberg here. CWC genuinely has no masculine features except his receding hairline, and his fat distribution and build are very effeminate. (Not feminine - he looks androgynous leaning away from male.) The club-dick might be the result of hypospadias (extra dick hole for a partially to fully separate urethra, as in women) corrected by some inept hillbilly doctor, which is an indicator for a variety of sex-determination issues. Kleinfelter's (XXY sex chromosomes) is coincident with it and a variety of mental conditions, including ASD, although he'd be outside of the normal range of intelligence for the syndrome.

The thing here is to compare Chris to relatively masculine fatasses. Moobs that size on masculine men are usually accompanied by a pretty big stomach, and while CWC's breasts are obviously almost 100% the result of fat distribution, a massive amount of his excess fat is in typically female areas, i.e. hips, thighs, ass, etc.

The other side of the coin is that CWC has a lot of the features of abandoned or half-hearted male feminization - box tits with flat, weird nipples; an extremely protruberant but generally formless ass; the general fat and body pattern of a long post-menopause woman. In short, these people look like the Snorlax (as CWC has begun to) because, like her, the last major influence on their secondary sexual features is still high estrogen levels that are no longer significant enough to have a major effect.
Other relevant features of male-to-female transition, either medically or anecdotally ubiquitous, are the softening of body hair, the mild regrowth of scalp hair, emotional upheaval, sexual dysfunction, and massive mood swings. The last three of those are also attributable to testosterone therapy in patients with previously low testosterone levels.

I'm not saying I'm sure there's some kind of congenital or external source of hormone problems for sure, but it seems pretty likely to me that either he was on testosterone for a brief period in response to an indifferent puberty from some sexual condition (possibly explaining his sudden and totally incomplete sexual awakening at 16) or he was, at some point between then and now, medicated with anti-androgens or even some kind of low-level female hormone regimen, either clinically or domestically. (There are reasons that were then and are partially now considered medically reasonable for doing that - chemical castration, for one, for instance when a poorly-managed autistic teenager develops a raging and violently-ideated libido - but God only knows why things happen under that fucking roof.)

TL,DR: Chris might have girl parts and either his parents fucked with his endocrine system at a young age or things with his new boyfriend-free heartsweet are going to get weirder before they make perfect sense.
I've been suspicious of this since his first nudes went up, and this is just icing on the cake. And if you guys think he's a lulcow while he's trying to be a man...

:nah he's just a dumb fatty -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 02:41, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
::I have to agree with Acousticvirgin on this. While your theory is quite interesting...most of this can be explain just by looking at Chris and his family. Chris's family had him at a really old age. His mom was almost in menopause and his father was already a senior citizen. The father at such an old age could be a factor in Autism (it's a scientific theory) and his mother having him so close to menopause could be the reason for any hormonal imbalance (it's a scientific fact that when women are older when a child is born that hormonal imbalances can occur, ESPECIALLY if that older woman doesn't take the prenatal vitamins...). The fat distribution of Chris can be explain by either the hormonal imbalance or by the fact that he doesn't really move all the much, much less work out (or both combined). If you look at pictures of him in his HighSchool years he's a LOT thinner...most likely due to a high metabolism since he didn't work out and wasn't in sports. With his age he's either lost that metabolism or he's out-eating it, either is a possibility. The fact that he doesn't work out at all and doesn't really move around all that much means that there's going to be limited muscles there and much more fat. His arms are skinny because men usually don't get a whole bunch of fat there; his legs are kinda chunky, but men get that too. His butt, gut, and thighs are fat simply because that's where the fat goes. Now, the manboobs. Some men get moobs whether or not they have some gender issue...Chris on the other hand has a set that is way too big to be normal. This could be because of the hormonal imbalance from birth, OR because he doesn't work that muscle out at all. Most men do some form of exercise for that muscle whether or not they go to the gym. They lift things, they carry things, or just daily movement will work out the pectorals for men. The fact that this particular muscle gets NO exercise or movement from Chris could mean that the pectorals are much more fat than muscle. His sexual inexperience until 16 can be explained by parenting and by his autism. His parents never had any reason to discuss his puberty with him so he never really understood sex or masturbation until he saw it in a movie, and now that he does, he still only does it 1 or 2 times a week...quite abnormal for a boy/man from puberty to about 40 years old (age after puberty varies of course). Some autistics are asexual and never have sex throughout their lives because they don't understand sex nor do they really understand/want any kind of romantic relationship. The fact that Chris wants one so badly means nothing; he's shown that he doesn't really understand relationships and treats them like a 8 year old would. ===> TL,DR: Chris's parents had him at too old an age, that along with the fact that he's overweight and doesn't work out at all has made him who he is today... and more likely than not...it'll only get worse. (These pictures show an increased weight since the last time we've seen him; especially in the face and chest.) And Chris wants sex just because he doesn't want the title VIRGIN, he really has no sex drive.--[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 08:17, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
:::Now, we have to remember that Chris is very simple. When he had to choose between his console and his galpal, and he chose the galpal, he demanded to have the consol as well, because he did the right thing. Just like in the movies. Chris doesn't necessarily understand love or attraction, he merely knows that relationship is a good thing, and it should be desired. In his simple mind, a relationship with a woman means perfect, neverending happiness that will fix all his problems. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 13:08, 1 May 2011 (PDT)

*I'm inclined to agree with Acousticvirgin here as well. I think a more plausible explanation though, is that due to DA [[autism|AUTISM]], Chris doesn't understand gender as a construct very well and so goes crazy with it. Or Chris could just be stupid. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:55, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

:Interesting theory, but I disagree with it. Klinefelter's patients tend to have unnatural looking body proportions (extremely long limbs, wide hips, short torsos), and have normal levels of intelligence (remember, Chris was on the Honor Roll). I don't think his bizarre fat deposits are caused by any meiotic disorder like Klinefelter's, but rather terrible diet fucking with his body, raising his estrogen levels, and causing him to develop gynecomastia. Once that happens, it causes him to have female-like fat deposits. [[User:GrotchManchowder|GrotchManchowder]] 23:01, 1 May 2011 (EST)

*My two cents, for what it's worth. The moobs appear to be [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gynecomastia Gynecomastia] In short, estrogen made him grow boobs. Estrogen would also explain why his voice is in the annoyingly high pitched range. As for [http://www.wikidoc.org/index.php/Klinefelter's_syndrome Klienfelter's Syndrome], the man child does in fact track rather well. Compare to this [http://www.andrologyjournal.org/content/vol29/issue6/images/large/andr-29-6-605-f01.jpeg Pic of man with Klienfilter's syndrome]. Thing is,[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conditions_comorbid_to_autism_spectrum_disorders Autism is comorbid], so odds are it isn't just autism. In summation, odds are Chris has da autism and some kind of glandular disorder. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:43, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
----Oh, and here I thought that point had already been shot down half a dozen other times and people’d actually read other bad theories before posting theirs. There's absolutely no sense to this theory, or for that matter anything remotely empiric behind it, but plenty plain to sight that shows it's impossible: Only people who don’t understand how gene expression and hormones work could think it makes sense. I don’t know where to start, there’s so much nonsence in that theory I might as well start picking it out.
> ''fat distribution and build are very effeminate...''
:What? Really, and here I thought comparing photos with a baseline would be easy, even for e-doctors. There’s hardly anything about that fat distribution that’s female. The fat went almost exclusively to his abdomen when he was just [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cwcbraorig.JPG overweight], that’s the type of adipose distribution you get with testosterone. What’s more, the manboobs are dead common in obese men, you’re not just going to get the visceral [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:WantWoman.jpg FA5] type gut fat, but also tit fat, so by your standards [http://img.wikinut.com/img/4-hz_myuqu_9-u51/jpeg/0/Serious-obesity.jpeg fatguy here’s a dickgirl]. The fact that excess estrogens and mostly androgens(which worsen that acne) wind up being made by all that extra fat isn’t intersex.
''>he looks androgynous leaning away from male.''
:And just how? A prominent [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:100_2296.JPG gablela/brow] isn’t gender neutral, neither is his [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG21.jpg square morphing into a pear face shape], he certainly has no problem in growing facial hair as these last photos show, his jawline isn’t slender even if the fat makes it hard to make out, that nose is kind of big & like the other features testosterone promotes their growth. Oh and his hairline is quite [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG12.jpg high] around the temples and frontal, another manly trait. His face isn’t androgynous or gender neutral at all.
>''The club-dick might be the result of hypospadias (extra dick hole for a partially to fully separate urethra, as in women) corrected by some inept hillbilly doctor, which is an indicator for a variety of sex-determination issues. Kleinfelter's (XXY sex chromosomes) is coincident with it and a variety of mental conditions, including ASD, although he'd be outside of the normal range of intelligence for the syndrome.''
:It’s all wrong. If it actually were a urogenital intersex condition it’d have almost certainly been handled in a hospital by specialists, given how surgery is screened to more qualified MD, the chance of a inept hick doctor is nil. Never mind the fact that his dick doesn’t look like what you normally get from the infant sex assignment, and that his body certainly doesn’t match the phenotype you’d get with 5ARD Kleifeters or PAIS. The whole bit about his hairline ,[http://www.sonichu.com/w/images/a/ad/Personalprofile.jpg acne] and facial structure being too [http://www.sonichu.com/w/images/6/67/0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg androgenized] and all.
Probably the most important thing about it all is that '''Autism is not something that correlates with estrogen'''. [http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3040206/ Testosterone has a demonstrated casual role] in altering the expressions of genes to induce it, where as estrogen prevents it. Also Cohen’s research indicates that there is a very strong correlation for biomarkers indicating increased testosterone exposure/sensitivity and autism. So no, the idea of Chris being Estrogen dominant and ASD is nonsence. I could keep going on point by point on everything that’s wrong with this theory, but I think the point’s certainly been made. This theory keeps coming from people who just don't get how it works, so an overkill was in need.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 20:14, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
----

*The prominent nipples are a dead giveaway to gyncomastia. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:21, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
:Have you ever looked at a fat man? Their nipples are enlarged, it's something that's induced by the adipose building up there, that's pseudogyncomastia. Unless if he's been sneaking his mother's premarin there isn't going to be much in the way of nodules there. It's possible that the adipose leads to more hormones and aromatase makes some of them into estrogen, but that's a common enough thing in the obese. It's an analogue to that why they also have higher DHT levels.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 20:25, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

*cool theory doc but have you considered that he is a fat dummy who is fat and dumb and smells like dumb fat -Dr.[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 20:56, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

== Congratulations ==

Congratulations Chris (Or should I say Christina) You have finally come to terms with your sexuality and gender issues. The road ahead may still be windy but at least now you can be happy its the right track. I've never seen you so happy and content and this all of your doing. no manipulation here.

You might find love now that you have found yourself.

Go forth my Child.
--[[User:Bentduck|Bentduck]] 19:02, 1 May 2011 (PDT)

== Seriously guys ==

Next person who posts something not related to improving this page gets (temporarily) banned. This is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:53, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
* Well, don't know if it should be added to the picture captions but on the pictures [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG3.jpg A] and [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG4.jpg B] They are taken on the downtown mall. Pictures [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG12.jpg C] and [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG19.jpg D] were taken in the Fashion Square mall, where the piercing pagoda is. And Finally, [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG5.jpg Picture C] he is wearing his high school ring it but can't really tell. Unsure if linking to the downtown mall and the fashion square mall would be uneeded piping. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 17:50, 2 May 2011 (PDT)CFA
* It might be worthwhile to note the bizarre horizontal flipping of some images. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 01:01, 3 May 2011 (PDT)

== Contactin' C for article material ==
Mmkay, well, do we still have Chris's email address? Can we still reach him on online chats or whatever? Is there no way someone can get hold of him and gently interrogate him about HOLY CRAP CHRIS WHAT THE FUCK and add some substance and reasoning to the insanity displayed on this page? I'm sure he won't mind the attention. I'd volunteer, but, uh, Chris fucking scares me. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 12:22, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
:<s>If only we'd thought of that sooner. I'll contact all the trolls and let them know.</s> Chris doesn't answer emails or phonecalls. He's virtually impossible to contact unless you already have a foot in the door. If you did contact Chris, he would be largely unresponsive and then ignore you. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:27, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

File talk:TG9.jpg

2011-05-03T00:18:20Z

Smokedaddy:

...it's horizontally flipped. Why? More information is needed. Just pointed it out because everything else will probably be figured out. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 03:15, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:also he looks like Uncle Fester with a wig on. or a fat version of The Joker [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 03:57, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:Everything is as it was [http://imgur.com/a/XcVaT here]. I didn't even see the /cwc/ thread until after I'd uploaded them. If it's flipped (and you're not the only person who said so) feel free to correct it. I don't feel like saving these images to my HD again. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 04:48, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:: I'm not questioning your skills. As we all too well know, inexplicable failures in photography tend to happen in Chris's end, and who are we to correct him? I'm just wondering why ''he'' flipped some of the images. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 09:00, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
::: Sorry for misunderstanding. I was distracted when I read it. I agree that it's odd. I wasn't even aware the PS3 had photo editing software. The other thing that strikes me as odd is that about half these photos are 640x480 and the other half are 1,024x768. Does that mean he has two cameras? It seems that all the photos taken in public are in the 640x480 resolution, suggesting that the camera used wasn't the PSEye or something similar, but so is this one (an edited picture). Is it possible to hook up a regular camera to the PS3 and edit the photos? How else could he have edited the picture? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 13:35, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
::::I'll deal with it. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 16:00, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
Are the only flipped images 640x480? Odd. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 16:03, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

01[00:53] <Freecell> wait so canine

01[00:53] <Freecell> do you know why images like this one were flipped

01[00:53] <Freecell> http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG9.jpg

[00:54] <~canine> uhh, there was a theory going around

[00:54] <~canine> i forget the details

[00:54] <~canine> something to do with whatever he took the pictures with
:The originals were definitely already flipped when they were found. <s>Tell me if I'm wrong, but I think it would be best to keep them that way.</s> Blame Canine [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 16:57, 2 May 2011 (PDT)
:: Works for me. It's just bizarre, but then, so is he. Perhaps note the reverals on the page? [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 17:18, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

File talk:TG9.jpg

2011-05-02T23:03:12Z

Smokedaddy:

File:TG9.jpg

2011-05-02T23:02:16Z

Smokedaddy: uploaded a new version of "File:TG9.jpg": Flipped horizontally.

File talk:TG9.jpg

2011-05-02T23:00:08Z

Smokedaddy:

File:TG19.jpg

2011-05-02T22:58:49Z

Smokedaddy: uploaded a new version of "File:TG19.jpg": The originally was horizontally reversed; fixed.

Talk:Autism

2011-05-02T21:58:24Z

Smokedaddy: parent's age and autism

==To do==
*List things Chris has blamed on his autism (like inability to get a girlfriend).
*the e-mail from the Miyamoto saga where he discusses the differences between autism and Asperger's syndrome.
*possible insight from the song [[A-U-T-ISM]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:39, 23 March 2009 (CET)

== Question for people who know anything about psychology ==

This is just something I was thinking lately - I realised that good character design needs empathy too. Would anyone say that Chris's lack of empathy also shows up in his character designs? Because to me, he seems to be unable to come up with characters that are outside of his own capabilities, or their polar opposites. His "hero" characters all seem to think like he does. For example, Simonla (or whoever it was) in the date ed episode wanted to name her daughter before she's even found her date - ''because that's what Chris does too''. His villain characters seem to be all based on his views and prejudices, and polar opposites of what he believes in, which makes it easier for him to picture them. Just look at Jason's rant in the Rage Against Garbage: rather than giving the characters unique personalities, he makes them list why they are evil. Good guys are good guys because they do things that are positive in Chris's mind, and bad guys are bad because they do things Chris doesn't approve of. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 13:30, 11 July 2009 (CEST)
*I think that's a fair thing to say. That's why most autistics and ASS PIES tend to become physicists or mathematicians and not writers and poets. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

== Autism papers==
Incorporate shit from [[Autism papers]] into here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:44, 23 November 2009 (CET)

==Chris and Asperger Syndrome==
I propose that we make this into a section on this article, as Chris has made his childish stance on Asperger's pretty clear. He went from seemingly confusing it as Alzheimer's Disease to out right denying it as an Autistic Spectrum Disorder or even a disorder similar to autism for some other kind of issue, likely an egotistical one. What does everyone else think?--[[User:Goatselover|Goatselover]] 20:17, 28 November 2009 (CET)
* Not a bad idea. The Asperger's paragraph takes up a big chunk of the intro there, and I think I some more grist for that mill has shown up since that bit was written. Chris is still confused on the whole Alzheimer's/Asperger's tip, he obviously had them mixed up during the Father Call. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 20:31, 28 November 2009 (CET)

With his recent rants on the subject, which seem to indicate that he hates aspies the same way he hates homos, I'm thinking Aspergers Might deserve it's own article. Anyone with me on this? --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)
* Yeah, if people wanna break down the comparison between autism and Asperger's in detail and extensively excerpt from the reams of all-over-the-map stupid shit Chris has said about it in the Mailbag, I think that should be its own article. Like I say, I thought the subsection of this article was getting way too big and unwieldy with all the pull quotes and whatnot. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:15, 5 December 2009 (CET)
*Very good idea. I was going to transform the Asperger's CWCipedia article into it but I think we can still have a separate article on Asperger's and another of just CWCipedia's article since it's a major Chris writing that explains the difference. But definitely, Asperger's can become a separate article since we have a lot of details now, not to mention it's a huge, recurring theme in the Mailbag which can also be documented. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:02, 5 December 2009 (CET)

I think that it really needs to be noted that many people think of "Aspergers" and "high-functioning autism" as being essentially identical and interchangeable, so for that reason, a lot of people assume that Chris "has" Aspergers (whatever that means) and/or claims to have Aspergers (which is definitely not true). I'm not even sure if there really is a universal consensus regarding a distinction between the two. [[User:Senzuri|Senzuri]] 16:27, 5 December 2009 (CET)

Asperger's syndrome should still be mentioned here, as people might be coming here expecting to see something about Asperger's, so something brief about how Chris views Asperger's syndrome as being different from autism, with a ''Main article: [[Asperger's syndrome]].'' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:51, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==Does he even have any idea what autism is?==

He seems to talk a lot about his "autistic shell" and the autism "putting the mute button on him" when he was younger. Is there any evidence to suggest that he thinks autism is anything other than just difficulty speaking?

True, there are language delays associated with autism, but his description of his autistic shell sounds more like anxiety over knowing that every single social interaction he's ever been in before whichever one he's in his autistic shell over has failed miserably. His fucked-up and out-of-control behavior that he refuses to do anything about trying to change is more symptomatic of autism than his knowing other people aren't going to respond well to it. I mean, if you were a grown man thinking about blithering on to a decent human being about the piece-of-shit, sexually perverse, rip-off children's comic you center your life around but never draw, wouldn't you be a little anxious about it, too?

Am I just fucked up here, or...? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 19:18, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
: I'm pretty sure that he has a general idea about what it is and what it does, but since this is Chris we're talking about; I doubt that we should expect him to understand all of it. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 19:28, 17 May 2010 (UTC)
::Maybe. I mean, maybe he can define it or read off a printout of a description of it or whatever, but can you think of any specific reference he's made to any symptom in his life other than having difficulty talking? Not in general like just that he's a virgin or something—not that he doesn't blame that on not talking and people hating autistic people or whatever. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:16, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::I think you're on to something. I don't know that there's much we can actually write about it, because most of what there is to say would be guesswork and inference, but I'd wager that most of what Chris knows about autism boils down to: one, he has it, two, it makes him special, and three, it's a catch-all excuse. The autism awareness/sports bra video might be a springboard for adding a new section to the article, maybe - when Chris wanted to talk about autism in any kind of detail he had to print himself out a crib sheet from Wikipedia. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 11:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: Well, he definitely doesn't understand all of it, but I can imagine his parents nagging him about it to an extend where he at least has a general idea of what it does. I agree with Dkaien though, you're definitely on to something. --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 12:14, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
:::: I can definitely understand wanting to avoid guesswork and inference. Obviously, no one knows exactly what's going on inside someone else's head. I guess at the very least I'm suggesting a list of things Chris ''hasn't'' blamed on his autism that maybe he should. He claims to hate autism and want a cure for it and this and that, but then he fucking ''loves'' Sonichu as though Sonichu isn't just a major, debilitating symptom or outgrowth of the autism. —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 03:45, 21 May 2010 (UTC)

== Not entirely Chris related, but... ==

I just read an article in popular science about how there are more autistics now than trained therapists, so to cope with he shortage people are inventing "theraputic robots" that somehow make it easier for autistic children to be sociable. The results are pretty hit-and-miss at this stage but what I took away was that autistics are better at handling predictable machines, but could be gradually exposed to more unpredictable circumstances. Maybe we could apply this in future plans? I think the reason CWCipedia collapsed was either our trolling became too predictable, or we made his "comfort zone" too sporadic. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:30, 29 May 2010 (UTC)
:0.5% of the entire population is autistic and they recon that that population is rising, however autism is over-diagnosed. On Chris ide think the best way to troll him is to claim that he is not autistic and/or simply retarded. [[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]]
:Hmmmm! That idea ain't too shabby! I'd suggest discussing it in the troll forums. Perhaps that way we can finally obtain the Holy Grail of fail?---[[User:Bealtespip122|Bealtespip122]] 10:12, 4 September 2010 (PDT)

== List of autistics ==

Should we make a list of succesful people who have or are thought to have autism, and compare them to chris? I know of a lot of famous people who were diagnosed with autism, and a lot of people who were thought to have it.
*I was thinking about this for a while, but I don't really see how a detailed comparison is better than just saying "Chris does shit he can't blame on autism". What would be the advantage of this? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 06:09, 20 December 2010 (PST)
*I think something like that would be too distracting to the Chris focus that the article should have, not to mention people who want to see such as list can find one elsewhere. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:40, 20 December 2010 (PST)
* how about we make a link to the wikipedia for it --[[User:MrMaXimo|MrMaXimo]] 12:17 24 December 2010 (PST)

== This goes here? ==

I was reading over the last e-mail exchange with Jackie and Chris's phrase "Hurtful Truth Level" jumped out at me as another example of him making things concrete in his mind, such as Scale of Respect or Heart Level. I made mention of it in what I think is the proper place in this article, but I was wondering if it deserves its own CWC-ism. [[User:Draygoon|Draygoon]] 23:12, 3 January 2011 (PST)

==Mainstreaming==
Like most everything else regarding autism, psychology, and, well, anything, Chris doesn't understand this. The ultimate goal of mainstreaming is to allow the patient to live as independently as possible in a normal environment, rather than being dependent on a caretaker to adapt the environment to suit the needs of the patient. In other words, adapt the autistic to live in the real world, as opposed to adapting the real world to fit the autistic. What mainstreaming means to Chris is to just not do any therapy at all and dump the kid into a world he/she cannot handle after being in retard day camp for a few years. It's amusing that Chris parrots good advice without actually knowing what it means. [[User:Anonymous one|Anonymous one]] 15:56, 2 April 2011 (PDT)

==Parental age==
There are studies showing a significant statistical correspondence between age of the parents (particularly the father) and the incidence of autism in the offspring. (Some studies show no correlation, but most authorities accept the theory.) [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect#Autism_spectrum_disorder Wikipedia link] This probably deserves mention on the page, but I'm not sure where to put it. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 14:58, 2 May 2011 (PDT)

Talk:Autism Tutorial

2011-02-14T18:09:46Z

Smokedaddy: reverted because I'm an idiot

Good to see that Chris has moved on from the petty trivialities that he used to obsess over. Oh wait. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 13:05, 13 February 2011 (PST)

An update on Chris? It must be my birthday. Oh wait. It IS. This made the cake so much sweeter. Some things never change. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 14:19, 13 February 2011 (PST)

I had a poll on IRC about whether they were levels or videos (they're cutscenes, so) and lost, so I guess it stays as levels. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 15:20, 13 February 2011 (PST)

Talk:Autism Tutorial

2011-02-14T18:06:40Z

Smokedaddy: blue nose piece?

User:Smokedaddy

2011-02-07T13:31:22Z

Smokedaddy: the interconnectedness of all things

== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. (To clarify, "my own" is used here in the sense of games I'm playing at the moment, not games I made - like the rest of you ''wish'' you did for a living. Hee!) This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in ''L4D'' (one) and some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them do look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

: * ''JUUULAY - 'nuff said.''

: * ''Manboobs and muscle bra bouncing, demonstrated for our pleasure and enlightenment.''

: * ''Flying Elephants - the rare naked rotating random-access kind.''

: * ''Chris savagely punching Clyde Cash in the face (Mr. Cash was not available, so Chris handles both roles.)''

: * ''IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.''

: * '''NEW VERSION, NOW WITH 20% MORE CWC, FEATURING:''' ''The Ruckersville Love Machine with Rage demonstrating his 100% ORIGINAL copyrighted oral-genital stimulation technique!''

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload to CWCki. So if ya want it, [http://www.4shared.com/file/QKy2epSS/cwc_sprays.html get it here.]

Unzip ye .vtfs someplace suitable, such as '''[yer drive letter here]:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead 2\left4dead2\materials\vgui\logos''' (in Windows 7 anyway) then from the main menu inside ''L4D2'', go to '''options / multiplayers / sprays / import spray''' and use your imagination. ''TF2'' works exactly the same way, only different.

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in ''TF2''. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they won't quite know why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

This L4D2 shot depicts Chris demonstrating his prehensile tongue. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse interfered with his Love Quest, lowering his chances of ever getting said tongue near a woman's genitalia from the current zero down to a purely theoretical number. The crosshairs seen on his face are not part of the spray, you will have to do that with your own weapon if you like the effect.

[[File:Cwctonguespray-l4d2.jpg]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug - admit it). Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

You're Welcome.

== Cosplay gone horribly meta ==

There is basically no fucking way I would ever be caught a) at an anime convention, b) in Ohio, or c) at an anime convention in Ohio. Nonetheless, one of my online correspondents can apparently be found at both, presumably after closing time at the glory hole. He took this pic (I am not making this up) at Oyahocon '09.

[[File:Ohayocon-chrischan.jpg]]

''Oyahocon.''

Being anywhere this sort of thing happens is proof that Life On The Edge™ must be possible in Ohio despite all evidence to the contrary.
THE CORN IS ON FIRE

File:Ohayocon-chrischan.jpg

2011-02-06T12:35:14Z

Smokedaddy: The losingest cosplayer of all time, as seen by one of my agents at OHAYOCON '09 or some such shit, if anyone can believe there is an anime convention in freaking Ohio.

The losingest cosplayer of all time, as seen by one of my agents at OHAYOCON '09 or some such shit, if anyone can believe there is an anime convention in freaking Ohio.

Robert Simmons V

2011-01-29T13:29:44Z

Smokedaddy: Removed broken video link.

[[Image:Sonichufan1985.jpg|thumb|right|A personal drawing of Bob from Chris.]]
: ''"Robert" redirects here. For the Chandler family patriarch, see [[Robert Chandler]].''

'''Robert Simmons V''' (AKA '''Solidus Chris''') was an [[anti-troll]] that befriended [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on [[YouTube]].

He put on his act copying down aspie traits pat, with a [[Sonichu medallion]] of his own (really just the classic [[Sonic]] colored yellow and with no [[Sonichu]] tail), talked in a [[BILLY MAYS|loud monotone]], liked [[Sailor Moon]] (and very kindly wished that CWC would also have Sailor Moon for a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]]), and performed a song he wrote for Chris-chan, complete with a sequence in which he heroically smote to death [[ED]] and the [[Jerkops|Robotnikjerks]].

==YouTube==

[[Image:RobertSimmonsCommic.jpg|thumb|Robert Simmons V, in comic form. A very rare sight - a male in a Sonichu comic, aside from Christian himself, portrayed positively.]]

<center>{{#ev:youtube|UtlMYYvEsvU}}</center>

The events that took place in Bob's life also coincided with Christian's life, from account hacking, to getting the medallion taken. Bob seems to have a slightly disturbing relationship with his sinister cousin Andrew Simmons I, who is not a good actor, that seems to parallel Chris's own Fem-dom/Male-sub kink.

Robert Simmons V has also appeared in ''[[Sonichu 7]]'' in the radio interview with [[Jiggliami]].

By 21 [[February 2009]], Bob had taken down all of his videos and changed his profile to announce:

{{quote|I decided to remove all of my videos because I have come to the realization that Mr. Christian Weston Chandler is a horrible person. It took me awhile to understand that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] did not slander Chris but rather was telling the truth. From lying to his fans about the [[Nintendo]] deal, to his perverted ways, I cannot bring myself to be a fan of his comics anymore (not to mention he doesn't even bother to update anymore). My only regret in this whole ordeal is that I wasted my time trying to defend such a self centered, arrogant, sexist, homophobic asshole. As my cousin said it himself about Chris " What a selfish Cow, bottom line lose some fucking weight, God Dammit!"}}

In [[March 2009]], Robert Simmons V visited Chris at his church and was recorded by an undercover [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], claiming that this message was because someone has hacked into his account.

Chris now knows that Robert Simmons V was a troll. In the Sonichu 7 [[Videobook]], Chris retconned the radio interview stating that Robert was arrested for getting too close to Chris.

==Fan art as drawn by Bob==
Sometime after Andrew Simmons hacked his account, Robert uploaded a video of him displaying his Sonichu fan art. Some of this art was "vandalized" by Andrew Simmons. Evidence of Robert being a troll is that the first three drawing are incredibly childish while the last four appear to be done with sophistication. The video has been deleted due to adult content.

<center><gallery>
Image:RobertSimmonsV1.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV2.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV3.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV4.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV5.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV6.jpg
Image:RobertSimmonsV7.jpg
</gallery></center>

[[Image:Robertsimmonsefit.jpg|thumb|right|An e-fit of Robert Simmons V.]]
==Church visit==
{{main|Church audio}}

On 15 [[March 2009]], days before [[Emily]]'s date, Robert and another troll drive to Chris's [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] uninvited. Robert goes up to Chris while the other troll remains in the background. Introducing himself with "Hi... I'm Robert," Chris recognizes him and they start talking.

Robert accompanies Chris to church, highlights from the audio include, trolls, Chris's sweetheart search, Family Guy and homosexuality.

==See also==
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Andrew Simmons chat]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/CompleteFailure2 Robert Simmons videos re-uploaded]
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=PTQYVRZL Videos in FLV format]
*[http://stream.wellimean.com/cwc/ Abridged church audio]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?iwldnjimezz Full church audio]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Simmons V, Robert}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Talk:Coffee Place

2010-09-29T01:57:08Z

Smokedaddy: just whining

== Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama. ==

My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.

Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.

I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.

Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.

But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.

Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.

For the LULZ!!!!

--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 22:16, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

*personally, i'd reward you shittons of stuff if you got a video of chris/bob arguing. i don't care who wins, amanda or chris, because again it's all for the LULZ. if amanda loses, i'll send in my troops. because amanda has potential...yes...indeed. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 11:09, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

*Yes, my boy, you have done a great service for the CWCki. I salute you, good sir. [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 13:15, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

== This is a confirmed CWCSighting ==
The first one. Now stop harassing this user Christ almighty. god damn you people overanalyzing shit. now if anyone touches this user I will BAN them. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 00:15, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*Thanks Clyde. I'm not the most active member on here, but goddamn some people get way too SERIOUS BUSINESS over some shit. This, even if it does have some non-CWC info in it, and even if it was a small sighting, is still useful, and furthermore interesting. [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 05:58, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*I think some people are just jumpy since Chris found another way to lock himself out of the internet. We must also accept and protect the brave volunteers who brought us sightings of the manchild. I think a banner confirming this sighting as valid might do good into dampening some "enthusiastic" reactions. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:10, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

== This Amanda person seems interesting enough. ==
Chris should probably do something against her. Perhaps the LULZ that come out of both. Chris has nothing to lose because he has no job because he's a lazy piece of shit, but Amanda has her job. I wonder if Chris could get her fired lololol. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 03:43, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Haha yeah, that would be lulzworthy. I hope he does. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:54, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
::Wait wouldn't there be implications if it this site was linked to influencing Chris to get Amanda fired? This site may get shut down if Chris goes and does something like this. I'd say lets just hope Chris leaves this Amanda be.([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 13:18, 4 July 2010 (UTC))
:::Good point. I guess we don't want Chris doing it. Thank god he doesn't read these because something like that would be the death of this website. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 16:43, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
::::That could be a total disaster for us and the CWCiki itself. Though we probably don't need to worry about that too much: Chris is way too much of a coward to ever try messing with her Amanda, so we should be safe-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 17:01, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::It would be even worse if he recorded it so he had evidence that he was there.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:41, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:I am worried that Chris will go back to this place and yell at that Amanda and tell her that she's a Pickle Agent. It could be a total disaster for all the trolls out there just like Kei said. If Chris tells her she's a Pickle Agent and causes a ruckus, then the government will have another piece of evidence to shut down all of the trolls. But I wonder if Chris will have the balls and manliness to go confront her and get her fired, hahahahahahahahaha. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 03:50, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Honestly, I don't think he has the guts to go through with his little plan. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 05:01, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::Yeah, Chris is all hot air. He's too weak and cowardly to put up any sort of fight, be it mental or physical. I bet his parents must be so ashamed of him for not fighting his own battles and hiding behind them all the time.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:33, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::::It's kinda ironic, isn't it? Chris always bags trolls for not having the guts to meet him face to face, and then he goes and shows how gutless he is by not facing this obviously evil bitch. He's no better than us. [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 10:36, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::What has Amanda done that COULD get her fired, exactly? [[User:Sarge|Sarge]] 9:58, 6 July 2010(EST)
As ballsalicious it would be for Chris to confront her, the CWCki is at stake. I'd rather just have nothing happen. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 11:05, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:I think we're safe though Mr.Cash, we all know what type of character Chris has: he's too much of a coward to ever do anything, the naive retard runs away from anyone or anything that makes him uncomfortable, that's why he always looses. I wouldn't be surprised if that balding fuck is hiding from Amanda as we speak; as a customer he could start a screaming match with her and get her fired, and possibly start an investigation that could get us shut down, he's too much a coward to ever reach out and take any opportunity he has though! -[[User:Kei|Kei]] 16:37, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::If Chris confronts her, it'll all end: us, the ED page, hell, even the Greene County Conspiracy might go down. We can't let this happen, guys.[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 17:02, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::If it does, start backing up the site. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 17:04, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:Chris is so naive, though - he's always talking about how much he wants to lose his virginity, but he doesn't even realise that girls will only fuck guys who stand up for themselves and are assertive. If he did stand up to manajerks like Amanda, he might even have a chance at some china. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 20:58, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Chicks dig it when guys stand up to them and put them in their place. Hell, the Amanda chick herself might even dig him if he showed her what a man she is. It's what women do, they say no, they deny, they tease: It's all a test. Those brave enough to not take no for an answer and get what they want end up getting the girl. If Chris stands up to her, it make him more of a man than even *I* am. [[User:Frontspac|Frontspac]] 09:50, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

Have we heard anything new from this lately?--[[User:MEANWHILE|MEANWHILE]] 07:14, 26 July 2010 (UTC)

==Do not edit==

Hey guys, we want to give this information time to get digested by the head trolls so don't edit it at all unless you're an admin please. If you're an admin you can do what you want. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 09:48, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:I've already added the significant information to [[List of places that have banned Chris]].--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 01:21, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:I don't think anything is going to happen with this Ron. Look at the Fridays After Five article; spotted once and then nothing. This is probably just a random CWCsighting, like someone seeing Bigfoot while on a hike. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:31, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Jenkins hasn't been on since 13 July and this article needs a serious rewrite. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 09:07, 12 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Indeed. I'm not arguing about the article's importance or anything, just the execution. It is almost certainly the worst-written page on this wiki. A few tweaks could preserve and enhance everything it brings to the table, while losing the flavor of a 13-year-old on a 3-day crack and Ritalin binge. I don't see what makes the spastic gibbering such a vitally important part of the message. Incoherence is not a virtue, but whatever. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 18:57, 28 September 2010 (PDT)

::::<s>I agree, maybe I'm just retarded and can't see why this guy is jesus or whateer, but this article is a poorly written mess about a low quality picture, and the Amanda article is one sentence. People keep saying that if we just looked hard enough we would know why he's so amazing, could you be any less vauge. I think that this and amanda should be deleted, if we had an article for every place chris eats at or every person who is mean to chris, then we would have way to many articles. --[[User:Dalkalopagus|Dalkalopagus]] 16:19, 5 September 2010 (PDT)</s> Wow, I'm really dumb. Disregard this.--[[User:Dalkalopagus|Dalkalopagus]] 16:52, 5 September 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Coffee Place

2010-09-29T01:56:57Z

Smokedaddy: just whining

== Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama. ==

My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.

Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.

I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.

Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.

But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.

Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.

For the LULZ!!!!

--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 22:16, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

*personally, i'd reward you shittons of stuff if you got a video of chris/bob arguing. i don't care who wins, amanda or chris, because again it's all for the LULZ. if amanda loses, i'll send in my troops. because amanda has potential...yes...indeed. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 11:09, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

*Yes, my boy, you have done a great service for the CWCki. I salute you, good sir. [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 13:15, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

== This is a confirmed CWCSighting ==
The first one. Now stop harassing this user Christ almighty. god damn you people overanalyzing shit. now if anyone touches this user I will BAN them. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 00:15, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*Thanks Clyde. I'm not the most active member on here, but goddamn some people get way too SERIOUS BUSINESS over some shit. This, even if it does have some non-CWC info in it, and even if it was a small sighting, is still useful, and furthermore interesting. [[User:NoVu|NoVu]] 05:58, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
*I think some people are just jumpy since Chris found another way to lock himself out of the internet. We must also accept and protect the brave volunteers who brought us sightings of the manchild. I think a banner confirming this sighting as valid might do good into dampening some "enthusiastic" reactions. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:10, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

== This Amanda person seems interesting enough. ==
Chris should probably do something against her. Perhaps the LULZ that come out of both. Chris has nothing to lose because he has no job because he's a lazy piece of shit, but Amanda has her job. I wonder if Chris could get her fired lololol. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 03:43, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Haha yeah, that would be lulzworthy. I hope he does. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:54, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
::Wait wouldn't there be implications if it this site was linked to influencing Chris to get Amanda fired? This site may get shut down if Chris goes and does something like this. I'd say lets just hope Chris leaves this Amanda be.([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 13:18, 4 July 2010 (UTC))
:::Good point. I guess we don't want Chris doing it. Thank god he doesn't read these because something like that would be the death of this website. -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 16:43, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
::::That could be a total disaster for us and the CWCiki itself. Though we probably don't need to worry about that too much: Chris is way too much of a coward to ever try messing with her Amanda, so we should be safe-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 17:01, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::It would be even worse if he recorded it so he had evidence that he was there.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:41, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:I am worried that Chris will go back to this place and yell at that Amanda and tell her that she's a Pickle Agent. It could be a total disaster for all the trolls out there just like Kei said. If Chris tells her she's a Pickle Agent and causes a ruckus, then the government will have another piece of evidence to shut down all of the trolls. But I wonder if Chris will have the balls and manliness to go confront her and get her fired, hahahahahahahahaha. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 03:50, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Honestly, I don't think he has the guts to go through with his little plan. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 05:01, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::Yeah, Chris is all hot air. He's too weak and cowardly to put up any sort of fight, be it mental or physical. I bet his parents must be so ashamed of him for not fighting his own battles and hiding behind them all the time.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:33, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::::It's kinda ironic, isn't it? Chris always bags trolls for not having the guts to meet him face to face, and then he goes and shows how gutless he is by not facing this obviously evil bitch. He's no better than us. [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 10:36, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::What has Amanda done that COULD get her fired, exactly? [[User:Sarge|Sarge]] 9:58, 6 July 2010(EST)
As ballsalicious it would be for Chris to confront her, the CWCki is at stake. I'd rather just have nothing happen. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 11:05, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:I think we're safe though Mr.Cash, we all know what type of character Chris has: he's too much of a coward to ever do anything, the naive retard runs away from anyone or anything that makes him uncomfortable, that's why he always looses. I wouldn't be surprised if that balding fuck is hiding from Amanda as we speak; as a customer he could start a screaming match with her and get her fired, and possibly start an investigation that could get us shut down, he's too much a coward to ever reach out and take any opportunity he has though! -[[User:Kei|Kei]] 16:37, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::If Chris confronts her, it'll all end: us, the ED page, hell, even the Greene County Conspiracy might go down. We can't let this happen, guys.[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 17:02, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:::If it does, start backing up the site. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 17:04, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:Chris is so naive, though - he's always talking about how much he wants to lose his virginity, but he doesn't even realise that girls will only fuck guys who stand up for themselves and are assertive. If he did stand up to manajerks like Amanda, he might even have a chance at some china. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 20:58, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Chicks dig it when guys stand up to them and put them in their place. Hell, the Amanda chick herself might even dig him if he showed her what a man she is. It's what women do, they say no, they deny, they tease: It's all a test. Those brave enough to not take no for an answer and get what they want end up getting the girl. If Chris stands up to her, it make him more of a man than even *I* am. [[User:Frontspac|Frontspac]] 09:50, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

Have we heard anything new from this lately?--[[User:MEANWHILE|MEANWHILE]] 07:14, 26 July 2010 (UTC)

==Do not edit==

Hey guys, we want to give this information time to get digested by the head trolls so don't edit it at all unless you're an admin please. If you're an admin you can do what you want. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 09:48, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:I've already added the significant information to [[List of places that have banned Chris]].--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 01:21, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:I don't think anything is going to happen with this Ron. Look at the Fridays After Five article; spotted once and then nothing. This is probably just a random CWCsighting, like someone seeing Bigfoot while on a hike. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:31, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
::Jenkins hasn't been on since 13 July and this article needs a serious rewrite. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 09:07, 12 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Indeed. I'm not arguing about the article's importance or anything, just the execution. It is almost certainly the worst-written page on this wiki. A few tweaks could preserve and enhance everything it brings to the table, while losing the flavor of a 13-year-old on a 3-day crack and Ritalin binge. I don't see what makes the spastic gibbering such a vitally important part of the message. Incoherence is not a virtue, but whatever. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 18:56, 28 September 2010 (PDT)

::::<s>I agree, maybe I'm just retarded and can't see why this guy is jesus or whateer, but this article is a poorly written mess about a low quality picture, and the Amanda article is one sentence. People keep saying that if we just looked hard enough we would know why he's so amazing, could you be any less vauge. I think that this and amanda should be deleted, if we had an article for every place chris eats at or every person who is mean to chris, then we would have way to many articles. --[[User:Dalkalopagus|Dalkalopagus]] 16:19, 5 September 2010 (PDT)</s> Wow, I'm really dumb. Disregard this.--[[User:Dalkalopagus|Dalkalopagus]] 16:52, 5 September 2010 (PDT)

User:Smokedaddy

2010-09-04T22:10:29Z

Smokedaddy: misc. editing, sprays now include his tongue-rollin' action

File:Cwctonguespray-l4d2.jpg

2010-09-04T21:24:31Z

Smokedaddy: An animated Chris deploys his prehensile tongue, seen here sprayed on the side of a building during the recent zombie apocalypse.

An animated Chris deploys his prehensile tongue, seen here sprayed on the side of a building during the recent zombie apocalypse.

Talk:PS3

2010-09-04T09:27:36Z

Smokedaddy: /* lolWUT */

== Every single purchase/download (as of feb 23 2010 ==

http://www.mediafire.com/?jym1gjw3gnf

YOU WILL KILL YOURSELVES TRYING TO ANALYZE THIS [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 07:32, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
* oh man. I am gonna have to steel myself a bit before I tackle that shit. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 13:06, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:* Aaaand I think I got it all. Now I will be depressed for the rest of the day. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 15:43, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

==To do==
*Chris's fanboy faggotry with PS3 (ultimate life upgrade, etc.)
*Make available a log of his PSN purchases.
*Make reference to credit card theft.

Is there a way to look up Playstation Network stats (e.g. trophies) while not on the PSN? [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 01:50, 17 July 2009 (CEST)
: The folks at /_cwc/ hinted that [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu nowadays we can]. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 15:30, 11 September 2009 (CEST)

* Chain these links together for his entire DLC purchases.
http://outerheaven.pastebin.com/f5736ffdd
http://outerheaven.pastebin.com/f277fb9e2
http://outerheaven2.pastebin.com/m26fb6764

http://outerheaven2.pastebin.com/f61a9b739 (his ALT usa account when he was hacked the second time)

uh yeah. this is pretty much the only thing that matters. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 09:56, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

* stats: total $2485.89 (dlc only not including hardware/software/game discs/umds...etc...chris's list of games for that info...so...)
634 total things (2 being tax from troll purchases when hacked first time post-julie)
1 29.99
1 24.99
4 19.99
1 17.99
6 14.99
2 12.99
2 11.99
33 9.99 (1 troll purchase made here)
1 8.99
7 7.99
4 6.99
14 6.25
79 5.99 (1 troll purchase made here)
1 5.50
42 5.49
40 4.99
20 3.99
1 3.49
60 2.99
6 2.49
203 1.99
1 1.49
81 .99
1 .66 (troll tax)
19 .49
1 .42 (troll tax)
3 .15

yeah. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 10:21, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

== I've got to say something ==

...he does have a ton of 100%s here, which does make me sorta little bit hexbox-green with envy. Though most of them seem to be from games with only a few trophies (closer to the 200-gamerscore arcade games in XBL). ''And'' a few of these look like pretty simple games. But still, surprisingly many, considering the fact that just a few months ago there were ''three'' games in the list with 100%.

Sincerely, just a random guy in the last stages of of grinding his way to 1200 G in ''Mass Effect'', --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 20:07, 2 December 2009 (CET)
:I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Considering his..."performance" in the various Youtube videos of him playing Soul Calibur or Little Big Planet, I sincerely doubt he actually platinum'ed anything himself. More likely, he just downloaded a save file from GameFAQs (or wherever). -[[User:Schismtracer|Schismtracer]] 23:25, 8 June 2010 (UTC)

==Friend Limit MAXIMUM!==
Chris' friend limit is at the max on his PSN account. Does he have another one so he can still stay in contact with his 'fans'? Also, how do I get his LPB levels HOW DID I GET HERE OH GOD I AM NO GOOD WITH COMPUTER
*The only way I know is to go on LittleBigPlanet and search Sonichu and you're guaranteed to find his levels. And don't forget to do your signature, btw. It's one of those buttons in the middle of the set right on top of this box. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 04:10, 3 January 2010 (CET)

== I've gotta be honest ==
I was expecting a NOGAEMS joke somewhere in the article. [[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 20:07, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
*If there's no direct link to Chris, expect it wouldn't be there. It's a way to keep the blubber away. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:23, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

== Does Chris have a fat or slim PS3? ==
I'm sure he had a fat one but knowing Chris, he probably bought the slim too. If he does indeed use the fat one, was he not affected by the PSN clock death thing that happened recently? [[User:Dave|Dave]]
*it probably was affected but it didn't matter as the problem is fixed. he bought it when it first came out so he has a fat one. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 07:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

==Chris's game of the month==

This section is to inform people about the game Chris is currently playing the most for the month, for example a the last two seem to have been spent playing Heavy Rain and God Of War III, well this month Chris has revealed to the world that he's got his hands on the aclaimed sandbox game Infamous.[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 18:52, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
*That makes too much sense--he's probably playing it right now, pretending that it's actually the Sonichu game.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:29, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
** Yeah or he's pretending the gang members are his trolls and the leaders of them are, Blue Spike, Liquid Chris, and Clyde Cash respectevly.[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 23:26, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
***Ah fuck. I liked Infamous! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:31, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
**** I do to, but I'm stuck on the level where you're supposed to protect Trish's bus.

Some of us have him friended on the PSN, right? Would it be possible for us to keep track of Chris's total time spent using the PS3 each month? Also, I can't see the individual trophies on his PSN profile--I assume that's just the site fucking up.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:41, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

* What I do is compare trophies.-- [[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 00:14, 12 May 2010 (UTC)
** Also I have sent him a friend request a fews months back, he hasn't responded.-- [[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 00:15, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

== Trophies and achievements ==

I was wondering: Since Chris seems to be such a trophy junkie, is he aware of the fact that the idea of trophies is heavily inspired by the "hexbox 360's" achievements? Has he ever mentioned anything about it? --[[User:Shotaru|Shotaru]] 15:55, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

==PlayStation Plus==
Do we know if Chris has subscribed to the new $50 service yet?--[[User:Jewlay|Jewlay]] 03:13, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

==PS3 Destruction Video==
Chris mentioned that the PS3 still went into standby mode after he pounded and run over the console. Is it possible that Chris's problem was something other than a network issue? It sounds like the PS3 might have YLODed. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]] 18:45, 29 August 2010 (PDT)

== Actual effects of reformatting ==

I don't have a PS3, so I'm kind of asking someone more knowledgeable to ramble about this in the article: How much did the reformatting actually affect Chris? I thought the worst that happened to him was that he lost his savegames and LBP/MN stuff he hadn't uploaded yet, and he could just re-download the purchases and the mod content he had uploaded to the servers. Another thing: What about the older HDs? Would he have had a chance to recover some of his stuff from there, or does the data-transfer process wipe the old stuff? (I don't see why it ''should'' do a crazy thing like that, but hey, consoles are weird sometimes.) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 00:55, 31 August 2010 (PDT)
:Yes, purchased content could easily be redownloaded and anything he uploaded to the network would still be there. To my knowledge, upgrading the hard drive does not require you to wipe the old one, but I've never done it so I don't know for sure. If his older data was still on the HDs, it sure isn't now. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 09:33, 31 August 2010 (PDT)

== Yes he has a new one ==
Fuck me. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 10:03, 2 September 2010 (PDT)
:Yeah, like nobody saw that coming. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 12:39, 2 September 2010 (PDT)
:Do you know what he's doing with the rest of the $9001? --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:48, 2 September 2010 (PDT)

== lolWUT ==
The current revision of the article as I speak has this oddity:

<blockquote>"It was revealed through a series of e-mails that Chris had destroyed his beloved Life Upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a troll reward. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea more, not even realizing that he had destroyed an item that could have netted him a lot more than the prize he sought."
</blockquote>

The PS3 and games cost Chris somewhere in the vicinity of $3500, a fact that is mentioned in a lot of places on this site. $3500 is just a little over half of the troll prize ($9001). Resale value for games is never a matter of making profit, it's about breaking even. You're not going to see $3500 again, especially not with a used PS3 and Chris's relatively small stack of used games. It's a miracle to make back your investment.

Even on eBay, you're only going to profit if you have the latest and greatest console during the first month of the launch and said console can't easily be found in stores. Even that has it's limits though usually only a couple hundred more than retail. The only way you can truly profit in the above-$5000 range is if you sell your whole game library (which obviously needs to be massive) or if you have a rarity like an RDI Halcyon prototype or a NeoGeo AES with a sizable stack of games.

I read the email, and nothing was mentioned about another reward for the intact PS3, much less a $9K< reward so what kind of acidcrack was the revision writer on suggesting you could get bookoo (buukuu? beaucoup?) money for Chris's PS3? [[User:Cadpig|- Cadpig]] 15:18, 3 September 2010 (PDT)

: $3500 is a little over a ''third'' of $9001 last time I checked. [[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 02:27, 4 September 2010 (PDT)

: I'm fairly certain that the intention was to get him to destroy his PS3 since he's a greedy sumbitch. - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 15:23, 3 September 2010 (PDT)

:: Captainhowdy? Try Captainobvious, or maybe even NoShitSherlock.¬_¬ Some editor said that Chris could have made more money with an intact PS3, which is bullshit. If it was just a false statement to troll Chris further, what good did it do? He doesn't read the CWCki religiously, he'll never know! I'm just bitching about stupid shit, I'd remove it myself but you never know what needs to stay and what needs to go article-wise when it comes to this place. We all know the intent of the trolls, I'm just pointing out a blatant research failure one of them made. [[User:Cadpig|- Cadpig]] 15:29, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
::: The reason that shit was put in is because there was a troll reward for $9001 dollars that Chris was trying to cash in on. Just like it says in the article. It has nothing to do with selling anything. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:39, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:::: Goddamn, dude, NO SHIT. Do you see the last line in the quoted section? WTF is it there for? IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE IN THE CONTEXT OF THE TROLL! THAT'S WHY I WENT ON A TANGENT! I would delete it, but you never know article standards here, if that terrible "ghettogangsta nigga" style coffee-place siting article can't be deleted, who knows about this? Shit man, read the quoted section above, see if you can clarify it. Because both of you have done jack shit in that area so far. If I can't get a reason as to why it's there by tomorrow, I'm going to quit fucking around and delete it myself. Shit. [[User:Cadpig|- Cadpig]] 15:45, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
::::: Herp derp, im not a troll derp. I read what you wrote and it's a valid point. The sensible thing to do would be to edit it out and say why in the summary, not rant on the talk page and make someone else fix it. Make it so. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:47, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
::::: Also, as for the "both of you have done jack shit in that area so far", this is my second account. If you're looking for my contributions, look at [[Special:Contributions/Thelieisacake|this shit.]] [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:50, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::: My bad, I get what you're saying. I was just unsure of what we can and can't edit (Clyde threw down the hammer when it came to that dude wanting to edit that terribly-written coffee place article). I'mma deleting it now. Sorry I flew off the handle, it was slow-in-the-mind of me. We can delete this whole thread if you want. EDIT: I like what you did. Good job. Y'know it's too bad Clyde doesn't really have $9001, he could give it to Cogs so CWCki would have a server that doesn't crash more than a narcoleptic.[[User:Cadpig|- Cadpig]] 15:54, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::Don't worry about it, shit happens. If Clyde were to flip shit for no reason, he wouldn't be a mod for long. As long as you can justify your edits, they will stay. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:58, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::It astonishes me how many people don't understand the value of the Coffee Place article or its submitter. It's a fine piece of fieldwork from one of our best trolls. And it should be extremely obvious from even a cursory reading why. [[User:Sygerrik|Sygerrik]] 16:36, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::::[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|center]]
::::::::I can't see Chris. CAN YOU? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:40, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::::Also, again, Jenkins hasn't done shit. Now let's stop bickering about Jenkins before we get NOT A FORUM slapped at the top. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:44, 3 September 2010 (PDT)
:I would like to point out that 1) I was the guy who wrote that part, 2) I probably misread that part of the e-mail when I did read it and 3) was bitching about something that didn't look right ''really'' necessary? Seriously, man, ''it's an error''. I'll go correct it.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:56, 3 September 2010 (PDT)

User:Smokedaddy

2010-08-02T04:29:28Z

Smokedaddy: add ye olde linque

== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

JUUULAY

Chris rubbing his manboobs

Flying Elephants

Chris pretending his is simultaneously Chris and Clyde Cash, punching himself in the face

IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.

And sometime between noon today and New Year's 2099, I'll add one of Chris pleasing the ladies by rolling his tongue. It's almost finished, I just need to crop it to fit.

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload here. Hence:
[http://www.4shared.com/file/QKy2epSS/cwc_sprays.html] << LINKY LINKY (not including tongue-rolling PUSSAY EATIN' animation, see: stress, crash into slumber.)

Unzip ye .vtfs someplace suitable, such as [yer drive letter here]:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead 2\left4dead2\materials\vgui\logos then from inside l4d2, go to options / multiplayers / sprays / import spray and use your imagination. TF2 is just like that only different, use your imagination.

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in TF2. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they can't quite remember why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (Which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug. Admit it.) Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

You're Welcome.

User:Smokedaddy

2010-07-06T15:53:25Z

Smokedaddy: The TF2 / L4D2 Chris-Chan spray collection can be yours! Safe when used as directed under proper adult supervision.

== Video Games and Chris, but not like you think ==

This is not about Chris' games, but rather my own. This may mark me as some kind of drooling game nerd, but I gladly accept the risk 'cause odds are that some of you weirdboats play these games online too and you will praise my name for the joy I brought to your bleak lives. That's the plan, anyway.

If you don't play any of Valve's recent shooters, don't waste time reading this crap. The items below have been run in ''Team Fortress 2'' and ''Left 4 Dead 2''. They'll probably work in some of the half-life-s starting with ''HL2'', but no guarantees.

'''Game nerdiness commences:'''

In most Valve multiplayer shooters, a player can leave a "spray," sort of an online graffiti that may or may not animate. It can be one of their stock ones, or something you upload, such as these that I will now cast like pearls before you. Namely, the Chris-Chan collection.

Valve's internal texture format is not decodable by any Web plug-in I know of so I don't have thumbnails. Thumbnails would look wretched anyway, the biggest thing you can have pixel-wise is 256x256, and beyond that it all has to fit into 120k. The Chris-Chan set are all animated and to get more than three frames I had to back it off to 128x128. Framerate is not controllable, it's whatever the Source engine wants to show you so they all animate slowly.

But - heh - some of them look pretty sweet in-game. If anyone really, really wants I'll drag my ass, moaning and swearing, to the computer and make thumbnails in some displayable format, I suppose, but fer cryinoutloud just d/l the thing if you want to see what they look like. Thumbnails would be guaranteed to be be bigger and take longer to download than the real thing, guaranteed.

'''The set includes:'''

JUUULAY

Chris rubbing his manboobs

Flying Elephants

Chris pretending his is simultaneously Chris and Clyde Cash, punching himself in the face

IAN! BRANDON! SOMETHING! Chris jumping up and down in TRUE and HONEST rage.

And sometime between noon today and New Year's 2099, I'll add one of Chris pleasing the ladies by rolling his tongue. It's almost finished, I just need to crop it to fit.

The download is a .zip of several .vtf files, not a format I can upload here. I'll stuff it on some cheapass hosting site Real Soon Now™, hopefully before anyone reads this.

'''LINKY TO COME REAL SOON NOW™ -- I PROMISE -- NO REALLY

AND OH YEAH I GUESS I SHOULD INCLUDE SOMETHING THAT EXPLAINS HOW YA USE IT too, how 'bout.'''

In lieu of thumbnails, here's a screenshot of Flying Elephants sprayed on the side of a building in TF2. In real life (or real virtual life or whatever the fuck it is) it's a dangerously festive 8- or 9-frame (I think) animation of him spinning around nude. The other players will be deeply disturbed at the sight, and mutter darkly about you after you deploy it. Their dreams will be unquiet, and they can't quite remember why. Horrible, horrible.

[[File:Cc_spinandspray.JPG]]

Spring JUUULAY on some unsuspecting n00bz and watch the fun for a bit before you put them out of their misery. Good for plenty laffs.

They should work in several Source-engined Valve games, but like I said they only games I've tried them in are ''Left 4 Dead 2'' and ''Team Fortress 2'' (Which are what you're playing anyway, nerdbug. Admit it.) Source images available on request so you can save 'em out yourself if these don't work in your game.

File:Cc spinandspray.JPG

2010-07-06T14:41:13Z

Smokedaddy: A screenshot from Team Fortress 2 showing a "spray" of Chris-Chan's finest hour. One of his finest hours, anyway.

A screenshot from Team Fortress 2 showing a "spray" of Chris-Chan's finest hour. One of his finest hours, anyway.