CWCki - User contributions [en]

I like Mary Poppins

2010-10-03T02:45:05Z

Sonicow:

'''I like Mary Poppins''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 2 [[October 2010]]. In it, Chris dons his [[PaRappa the Rapper]] hat and dances around the room, apparently in the fashion of the chimney sweeps in Mary Poppins. Chris mangles the tune so that it barely resembles anything from the film.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I like Mary Poppins
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XHN0dvfWfHI}}
| stardate = 2 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWideLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2261.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

{{Quote|I'm just a chimney sweep on shore leave.|Chris|who thinks chimney sweeps work at sea}}
===Transcript===
''['''0.00 - 0.07'''. Chris strikes a rather camp attitude, and brandishes the [[chris's_guitar|Guitar of Fail]]', possibly to represent a chimney sweep's brush. The delivers his few spoken lines in this video in what may, just possibly, be an attempt at a Cockney accent.]

Yo, guv'nor, don't mind me much; I'm just a chimney sweep on shore leave. ''[he tosses the guitar aside]

''[aimlessly waving his arms and head] ''Dun dun duuuh duh!''

''['''0:08 - 0:16'''. he begins vigorously dancing, looking somewhat like an ill-assembled puppet attempting a hornpipe]''
Step in time, step in time, 
Step in time, step in time, 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme, 
Step in time, step in time...
''[trails off]''

''['''0:17 - 0:23'''. He raises his finger aloft, then resumes flailing, this time in profile while mugging at the camera. He is becoming somewhat more exhausted by now.]'' 
Kick your knees up! 
Kick your knees up, step in time 
Kick your knees up, step in time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Kick your knees up, step in time.

''['''0:24 - 0.30'''. There is a pause for a second as he positions himself for the next verse. Then he begins circling something just below shot.] ''

Round the chimney! 
Round the chimney, step in time, 
Round the chimney, step in time, 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Round the chimney, step in time.

''['''0.31 - 0.40'''. Another pause, in which Chris audibly pants. He then climbs over the object he was just circling, probably a chair or table, while 'singing' the next verse. Needless to say, his actions bear no relation to the pace of the music. At the end of the verse, he hops around some sort of short pole for a second before discarding it, and does a double take when it thuds to the ground.]''

Over the railing! 
Over the railing, step in time 
Over the railing, step in time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme 
Don't need to be a good jumper, step in time.

''['''0.41 - 0.49'''. On the first three lines of this new, made-up verse, he salutes and takes a step backwards. After this point, the complexity of this choreography becomes too much for him and he returns to a jaunty bounce to and fro while swinging his arms back and forth. At the end, he pauses for thought.]''

Enjoying Mary Poppins! 
Enjoying Mary Poppins, step in time 
Enjoying Mary Poppins, step er-n time 
Never need a reason, 
Never need a rhyme, 
Never ''[messes up]'' old times!

''['''0:50 - 1.04'''. Regaining his composure with a couple more 'Step in times', Chris commands us all to link our elbows, imperiously spreading his arms. He then adopts an ape-like pose with his arms akimbo and gyrates roughly in time to his song. At the end, both song and rotation increase in pace until one final, glorious 'Link your elbows!'. The frenetic sequence at an end, Chris switches off the camera. He is visibly and audibly fatigued by the excitement.]''

Step in time, step in time. 
Liiink your elbows! 
Link your elbows, step in time, 
link your elbows, step in time, 
link your elbows, link your elbows, link your elbows 
Link your elbooooows!

G'day guv'n- ''[cuts himself off mid-word.]''

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2261.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Lars Is Jivin'.MP4

2010-10-03T02:43:04Z

Sonicow:

[[Image:150px-Jivin.jpg‎|thumb|Lars is [[Fan:Asperchu#Jivin Pickles|Jivin]]]]

'''Lars Is Jivin'''' is an [[Chris and race|extremely racist]] video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[September 2010]]. In it, [[Chris]] addresses [[Lars]] again, comparing a toy boat he sent [[Jackie]] to a tape dispenser. Chris then decides the best way to get his point across is to abuse his [[PSEye|camera]], again. He removed the video just a few hours after uploading it. He later uploaded a new, longer version on 2 October. The extended edition includes Chris using stereotypical black words such as "yo" "mofo", holding up a picture of a black rapper and then dressing him as a turkey and using the dated racial slur "boy".

Judging by the unusual video format (Chris normally makes videos in .MOV format), and the [[Chris and camerawork|blindingly obvious jump-cuts]], it would appear Chris has actually taken some time to edit this video. Unfortunately, it's safe to say that this was to hide the fact he failed to hit the camera with the tape dispenser on the first take.

==Description==
{{quotebox|[[Random-access humor|Nothin' but a jivin' turkey gourd.]]}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Lars Is Jivin'
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ApWRB4iLKMM}}
| stardate = 30 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[New Address]]
| next = [[100 2261.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[''[[Stare]]s at camera with an [[angry]] look on face, cocks head, jump-cut''] Oh yeah, one more thing, Laaaaars. You know-s-you sent her the dangin' ol' boat made out of popsicle sticks and a weak [[Raincoat|condom]] wrapper for a sail. You know what she did with that? [''holds up a tape dispenser''] This your bu-

[''Jump cut, throws tape dispenser at the [[camera]]''] She threw that piece of shit away! That little piece is cheap as shit. It was so cheap, it was as cheap as that tape dispenser! [''Stares bewilderly off into space for a moment.'']

[''Another jump cut''] ... I'm out! Peace.

==Full version==
Having taken down the original video a few hours after uploading it, Chris uploaded a longer version of the video on 2 [[October 2010]]. While the final part of the video is almost identical to the original short version, Chris has slightly re-edited it.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Lars Is Jivin'
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ByDKIeFdHCs}}
| stardate = 2 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[I like Mary Poppins]]
| next = Current
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
''[ There is a 'sproing' noise as Chris activates the camera. He frowns and begins talking in what he doubtless believes to be a manly baritone.]''

Yo Lars, listen up y'all. I got a b- I got a bigger message to tell ya! Imyaghda- I been tellin' you before, I been kinda civil, but I gotta yell it out to ya. [[jackie|JACKIE]] IS OVER YOU! You jivin' turkey! Now I tell you somethin', I tell you something' else, yo. She left you because of all the goddamn boats! ''[producing a sheet of paper] ''Now I'll read to you what she told me, and I quote: "You wasted all your money on all them stupid boats!" And you le- she left you! Because you would ''never''... treat her right or take her out anywhere because of it. ''[Gangsta hand gesture]''

And she got fed up of all the goddamn boats over the goddamn apartment! ''[garbling somewhat]'' Half of them not even taken out of their package! Because- because you just [[List_of_Chris's_games|bought them for the sake of buying them]]! ''[he puts down the paper and looks outraged]'' I mean, you mofo! You took -you even bought ridiculous paint and accessory kits for boats ''you didn't even own!'' [[monthly_tugboat|You paid for a whole bunch of useless stuff you're never going to use anyway]], you jivin' turkey!

Yeah, right I call you a jivin' turkey, mofo! ''[he produces another piece of paper. This one is folded in half and has a picture of a black rapper on it, although the lighting makes it impossible to distinguish whom]'' And that's what you is, yo, a jivin' turkey! ''[folds over the paper, revealing that he has drawn a yellow vegetable on the other side. A hole has been cut for the rapper's face, making it look like he is wearing an anorak.]''Jivin', squashed, stupid old turkey! ''[he tears the paper asunder, and vacuums the shreds up, fumbling them somewhat.]''

Down the jivin' yo'self, mofo! I tell you somethin' else. You ain't never gonna get her back. She's been LONG over you, [[Chris and race|boy]]! All day long, all week long. She never gonna be ... ''['tapping' an imaginary Jackie]'' I gonna be tapping that sweet ass of hers. ''[Continuing to mime]''I spank her ass because she wants it. She asked me for it! You know what, she ain't- you ain't getting that request no mo', mofo! Jivin' turkey! You ever come near us, I ''beat'' yo' ass! ''[as he squeaks 'beat' he punches his hand]'' Beat yo' ass to the whole- the other side of the state of ''[punches his hand a few times, possibly while he tries to remember]'' Texas, where my dad went to, except for a while.

[''[[Stare]]s at camera with an [[angry]] look on face, cocks head, jump-cut''] Oh yeah, one more thing, Laaaaars. You know-s-you sent her the dangin' ol' boat made out of popsicle sticks and a weak [[Raincoat|condom]] wrapper for a sail. You know what she did with that? [''holds up a tape dispenser''] This your bu-

[''Jump cut, throws tape dispenser at the [[camera]]''] She threw that piece of shit away! That little piece is cheap as shit. It was so cheap, it was as cheap as that tape dispenser! [''Stares bewilderly off into space for a moment.'']

[''Another jump cut''] ... I'm out! Peace.

==See also==
*[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]]
*[[New Address]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[New Address]]|nextlink=[[100 2261.MOV]]}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Prank calls

2010-09-26T13:48:23Z

Sonicow: /* Transcript */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|3whf9k9z_Nk}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, i'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, i'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Woah woah woah, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oR27uIDz9d4}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|V2yasF8ngxU}}
</center>

{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

== Chris calls Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder ==
A troll using a soundboard of Chris prank calls [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]]. However, both realize the caller to be a fake and hang up.

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==== Transcript (Mary) ====
'''Mary:''' Hello, Mary Lee Walsh?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but- nothing but a pain in my- a pain in my side! [''talking over Mary''] You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Mary:''' What are you- Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''again talking over Mary''] You shut up!
 '''Mary:''' I'm sorry, who am I speaking to?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 '''Mary:''' Um, who?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Mary:''' Well, I'll track the number, what do you need-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 [''Mary hangs up'']

==== Transcript (Michael) ====
'''Madeleine:''' The Game Place, this is Madeleine. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Madeleine:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Madeleine:''' This is Madeleine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry. Yeah, okay, well I've mis- I've misunderstan- okay, well I've- I've misun-
 '''Madeleine:''' Can I help you with something?
 [''pause, faint whispering in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' We have miscommunication.
 [''unintelligible; Chris and Madeleine talk at the same time'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Michael:''' Christian.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch! [''talking over Michael'']
 '''Michael:''' You wanna talk to me, you need to ''talk'' to me.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Michael:''' Yeah, so?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Michael:''' I don't know who this is, but, uh, it's a waste of everbody's time.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Michael:''' The Game Place, this is Mike. How may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get yo black ass down a gutter and stay there.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' How about you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends'']

== Bob calls Cole Smithey ==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob prank calls Christian's half brother, [[Cole Smithey]], but with little success...

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==== Transcript ====
'''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole-
 '''Cole:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
 '''Cole:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Cole:''' Hahahahahahaha.
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, Cole hangs up'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole at [''"*Bleeped out number*" is displayed on the screen, accompanied by Chris screaming'']. Please leave your telephone number twice, along with your message. Thanks. [''beep'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Why don't you quit dialin' my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, troll hangs up'']
 [''tape runs out'']

==Chris calls Golden Corral==
The same troll from the above call utilizes his soundboard once again to prank Charlottesville's local [[Golden Corral]]. Lulz ensue when he engages in a verbal conflict with the restaurant [[Manajerk|Manager]].

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====Transcript====
''[Intro music: "I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith.]''

'''Waitress:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waitress:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 '''Waitress:''' Fine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 [''at the same time''] What? / My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Waitress:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Waitress:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Waitress:''' Aah, hold on.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause; a radio can be heard playing in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Waiter 1''' Good morning, this is [unintelligible] speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up. You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 2:''' Golden Corral, [unintelligible], how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell. Why are you- why did you start doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 3:''' Golden Corral of Charlottesville, how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down. You can find me right now; I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 4:''' Good morning, thank you for calling Golden Corral Charlottesville. [Unintelligible], how can I help you today?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Waiter 4:''' Yeah, you should, [unintelligible], you need the address, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''at the same time''] [unintelligible] / 14 Branch-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No. 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm sorry, [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Waiter 4:''' In Ruckersville; that's your address. I don't need your address; do you need our address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I-
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm not coming to your place.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Why would we come to your place, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Man, I think you need to stop calling this number, because I don't know what's up, but obviously you've got some crossed signals somewhere, and you're calling our restaurant, and we do not deliver, and I don't know who you are, so [unintelligible] you need to stop calling, thank you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 5:''' Good afternoon, thank you for calling Golden Corral of Charlottesville, this is [unintelligible] speaking, how can I help you [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 '''Waiter 5:''' Okay, look. Let me be really frank with you. Stop calling this damn number, bitch. Alright? [unintelligible] I suggest-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Waiter 5:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Manager:''' Hello!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.
 '''Manager:''' Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Manager:''' Why do you keep calling here?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Christian what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Okay, well, you need to stop calling us [unintelligible], okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' Yeah; otherwise I'm going to have to call the police.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Manager:''' 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead, go ahead and take it to the police!
 '''Manager:''' I will, because we have no idea who you are!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Manager:''' Now, do you have a home number? I can have somebody from our [unintelligible] contact you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible] so you don't want us calling your damn phone, do ya?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Manager:''' Yep, that's what I'm writing down, man. And, uh, stop calling the damn phone, okay? 'Cause you're crazy.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know.

==Phone Harassment==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob harasses several people over the phone. Lulz ensues.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dkPTB461mLo}}
</center>

====Transcript====

 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] How may I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' Do you have a question for a [''Unintelligible''] this mornin'?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Frankie:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter-
 '''Frankie:''' [''Interrupting, unintelligible'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' - And stay there.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't care what you are or who you are.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' Hi this is Frankie can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Hello?
 '''Frankie:''' Hello this is Frankie, can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth. Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Thank you, bye.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker! You get your black ass down in the gutter.
 [''Redial'']
'''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Frankie:''' No.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well let me explain something to you.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''], How can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy, I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa, we're basically a neighbor of yours. Who is this?
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Calls Blockbuster'']
 '''Jarred:''' Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you and what's goin' on?
 '''Jarred:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Jarred:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm... not, may I ask who this is?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. I'm Robert Chandler. Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy. Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Um.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Jarred:''' Yeah, I'm gonna to go ahead and hang up. Thank you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You the mayor of Big Daddy's pizza? Is that what you said?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Jarred:''' Hello, Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now listen you motherfucker. You get your black ass down in a gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm, I'm not sure what you're on about, but I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. I didn't call you, but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it! Okay?
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' May I explain something to you?
 '''Jarred:''' Go ahead.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours. You come over here and I show you what's the matter.
 '''Jarred:''' Sir I'm in [''Clipped''] Kentucky, I'm not anywhere near-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] Oklahoma! I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Jarred:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called you sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Jarred:''' Very well.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there!
 '''Jarred:''' Hello.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and we didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...uh...thing that's going on.
 '''Jarred:''' Didn't having anything to do with what that's going on? You cut off for a second.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Sir or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called, nor cursed at all.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Jarred:''' Oh, very well.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening.
 '''Jarred:''' I'm trying to understand, but I'm not quite getting it because there has not been a phone call placed from this phone today. This is a Blockbuster Video, and we don't call out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it. There is on the Internet.
 '''Jarred:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' A bunch of trolls, and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID.
 '''Jarred:''' Righ- [''Unintelligible, being talked over'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. They have the program in their computer that allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller I.D., any particular telephone number they want too.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even gived it a name called spoofing.
 '''Jarred:''' Uh huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now they persecute people. You called me. Why are you calling me? I'm 82 years old. I'm an 82 year old man. Okay, cool it down, I'm trying to be nice to you. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' And I'm trying to be nice, but I'm, as I said, the, we, if some is indeed hacking our number, we did not actually place the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good. Okay?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Dude:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Dude:''' Who, who you tryin' to reach?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Okay? Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing. Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that. I'm an 82 year old man. Cut it down.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Sam:''' Hello.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' me? Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Sam:''' hello? Who's this? Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Sam:''' What?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Listen, you motherfucker, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Sam:''' Huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well right now it's midnight, what in the world do you want?
 '''Sam:''' Uh, no one called your phone.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old, now I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Sam:''' [''Unintelligible, away from the phone''] Called me twice, [''Unintelligible'']
 '''Other Guy:''' Hello!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello, I beg your pardon?
 Bob and the Other Guy at the same time: '''Hello?'''/'''Hello?'''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' And I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Other Guy:''' I'm sorry?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Other Guy:''' Who's calling your phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. Can I do that? Can I explain something to you?
 '''Other Guy:''' You can do whatever you want, I don't know who the hell you are or what you're calling me for.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Let me explain something to you. There is on the Internet, a, a bunch of trolls, that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even-
 '''Other Guy:''' [Interrupting] Okay, and how does this relate to me? I'm at work here, can I help you with something?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing, S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 [''New call'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] This is Perry, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Perry:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can you speak slowly, and one syllable at a time, so I can understand you?
 '''Perry:''' This is the Fairfield Inn at West Des Moines. Can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Oh man up!
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] Crystal Inn, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how may I-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy.
 [''Talking over each other'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] if you have a crap with me, why don't you go ahead and call the police, have them get a hold of me, otherwise you stop bugging this facility-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, talking over'']
 '''Perry:''' I'll have the phone tapped, and we'll find your dumb, old ass, and you know you told me you were going to kill yourself once, why don't you go ahead-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, again''] You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Well, who do you think I am?
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! [''Talking over Perry''] Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites in West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I'm tryin' to be nice to you, and explain what's happening.
 '''Perry:''' Have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''], so, this is my last warning to you, do not-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Perry:''' -call here again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cool it down, I'm tryin' to be nice to you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hang up the phone and forget the number!
 [''Call end'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' Good day, Fair Field Suites at West Des Moines, my name is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Dude, you need to lay off whatever you're doing. Stop calling here, this is a business.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' What town do you live in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Perry:''' Well then, you call the police there, you have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting and talking over''] Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Perry:''' I'm too busy to deal with this sir, lay off the alcohol. Goodbye.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I help explain something to you?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Listen you motherfucker, get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' my number?
 [''Video end'']

==Bob calls the US Department of Education==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|K-yX5D9hAmk}}
</center>

====Transcript====
''[Intro music: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins]''
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Larry:''' How are you doing today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And how are you doing today, Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And you called, sir... Did you say Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' All right. Um, last four of your Social was ''[redacted]''.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' OK. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. How can I help you today, Rob? You called in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Larry:''' My name is Larry Griffin, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Larry:''' OK, we're calling you Rob, we're calling you on behalf of the United States Department of Education, sir. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. Um, we're calling about your student loans that are in default, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware that complaints had been filed against you, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't know? It's been in default since 1999.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Your student loans have been in default since 1999, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm an 82-year-old man.
 '''Larry:''' You said you're what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old. I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' And the last four of your Social was ''[redacted]'', correct?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' And do you have any children named Rob Chandler, as well?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't? OK. Well, the Department of Education filed a complaint against you. It's under your Social Security number, uh, in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I- I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Larry:''' You're gonna what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Larry:''' OK, this is for the University of Missouri in St. Louis. Did you go to, did you go to college?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Hmm. Well, they have your Social Security number...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Interrupting]'' I beg your pardon. I can't even understand what you're saying.
 '''Larry:''' I'm calling about your student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education, Rob. When you went to go to school, you had to fill out for some student loans. They're in default now, because you haven't paid 'em.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''You'' called ''me''.
 '''Larry:''' You said what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're the one that made the call.
 '''Larry:''' Right, we're calling to see if we can help you get your student loans out of default, before they go with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' We're gonna call you, it's your Social Security number. You saying that's not gonna stop us from calling you. You owe a loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, you motherfucker...
 '''Larry:''' You owe the government, Rob. Cussing is not getting you anywhere, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not doing anything, sir. Cussing is not doing nothing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit...
 '''Larry:''' I mean, come on, now. You owe a loan, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not a checkboook; it's not gonna pay your loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with a gutter rat.
 '''Larry:''' ''[Talking over Bob]'' Rob, what you need to understand is that we're gonna call you because you owe the government, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' So we're gonna continue to call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' You owe a debt.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, but I'm trying to explain how these...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Interrupting]'' Right. Right, we're calling ''you'', to try to help ''you'' out, so you can get your loans out of default. You being mean and cussing is not helping nobody out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, I'm not upset. I'm trying to help you out. You're the one upset cussin'.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it down?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it out, come on, now. Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Huh? You do?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So you're not workin' right now, Rob? You're not receiving any income?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So who, how have you been surviving then?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Larry:''' I wanna get your loans out of default, Rob! That's why we're calling you, because you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Then why did my phone ring?
 '''Larry:''' Didn't you just call in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Did you just call in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't just call in here? I mean, I just answered the phone, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, we're gonna call you because you owe the Department of Education. You owe the government money, Rob, that's why we're calling you. Because if you don't wanna pay...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just not answering my telephone.
 '''Larry:''' ...we still have to call you, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called..
 '''Larry:''' Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called your house. I'm the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Larry:''' Right, right, right, so we're trying to help you out, Rob. Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't want... do you want them to go into garnishment against you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Larry:''' My crap? I mean, Rob... What are, what are you talking about?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Larry:''' Low-life gutter and stay there? Are you serious? This is...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Talking over Larry]'' Listen, boy.
 '''Larry:''' ...not how to get your loans out of default. I'm not a boy.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, listen, you motherfucker!
 '''Larry:''' I'm not that, either, OK? Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not? I need to know what to document your account as.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' We're calling you for the... Rob, I'm gonna say this for the fifth time. We're calling you to let you know you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education. We need to make you aware of what's going on, Rob. OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are and who you think I am.
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware of this? I think you're Rob Chandler, last four of your Social ''[redacted]'', and that's why I did let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' Right, last four of your Social were ''[redacted]''...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old.
 '''Larry:''' ...''[unintelligible]'' against you in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years...
 '''Larry:''' So we're seeing if this could be handled voluntarily, before they keep the account and go forward with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' You're 82 years old?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Do you live at 1040 Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Larry:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And the last four of your Social is ''[redacted]''. You don't live on Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' I'll come over there and you'll show me what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' OK, OK, Rob, look. What are we gonna do here? This back and forth with you cussin' on the phone is not helpin' nobody out. It's not makin' nobody a better man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my number?
 '''Larry:''' So what is, what is, what is the purpose of this call, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' Well, actually, you called in here. I answered the call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me, and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' Rob! I did not call your line, I answered the line.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' OK?
 '''Larry:''' ''[They are talking over each other until the final line.]'' You know what, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care..
 '''Larry:''' All right. You know what? I'ma just mark this as a refusal to pay, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ...but you're invading my privacy, and you're cussin' at me, and I don't...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Unintelligible]'' refusal to pay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 ''[Exit music]''

==Chris calls the Ku Klux Klan==

<center>
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====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' [cut off] -eadquarters.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Good! What can we do for you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down: 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' And what would I be writing that down for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm not sure if I'm coming to your place! Why should I come there?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler. What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I think in about 30 seconds I'm gonna hang up if you don't explain to me what this is about.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic. I am Internet-famous for being the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm... you know, that and two cents will get you probably anywhere you want to go I guess, umm... I don't know why I should come to you. Uh, people come here. We have a national headquarters, we have a business here. And, uh, that's the way to go.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Goodbye now!

==Chris calls PETA==

<center>
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</center>

====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' Thank you for calling PETA.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm a lady, but I'm good, how are you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm doin' good. Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the dating episode, it is fantastic!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Wha- you did what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh- I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about, you're not making any sense.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, that's cool. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down:
 '''Receptionist:''' You what-?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Receptionist:''' You need to turn your radio down or whatever you're screaming into, it's not working very well. I don't under- is there something I can help you with?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. What is it, let me try to help you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm 27. I'm currently living with my mother and my father. I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' That's alright. I'm 28. I live on my own. I'm not autistic. But that's okay too, I mean do you have questions about animals?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Experience for what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' So, uh, did you get the comic pages I sent you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I don't know, um, we might've. We're a really- we're kind of a big organization and I don't really work in that department. Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' Do what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is a- this is the front desk.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 '''Receptionist:''' So I would see, uh, I wouldn't see anything that you sent.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 '''Receptionist:''' You- I know, you sound like it! That's exciting. I love surprises.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yep. Um, well, do you have any questions about anything or is there someone I can direct you to? Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles''] Okay, um, well, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay! Um... that's- that's cool. Um... that's alright. Um, do you have any questions about what's going on with animals or, I mean, you're calling PETA so I'm trying to get you through to the right person. I have a question.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm happy to oblige with an ans- with an honest answer.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Why are you calling from a number that I get a lot of prank calls from?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well, um, I am trying to help you out with answering some questions and if you don't have any I'm going to let you go, but when you do have some questions you could always call us back but we close, um, at, we close in about eight minutes.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Receptionist:''' No, I don't feel like you're crazy, I feel like maybe you just don't have, um, your questions together yet, so if you want to, you can put them together and then give us a call back!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 '''Receptionist:''' It would be less frustrating for you. I can do this all day.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yeah. Okay, um, well, I'm gonna let you go, but have a lovely evening and, um, if you have any questions just feel free to give us a call back tomorrow and maybe at a better time, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well you have a really good night, and, um, hopefully we'll be able to answer some questions soon, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, bye-bye.

==Chris Chan hates Frank Garrett==
A Troll using various prank victim soundboards calls Chris. Chris once again proves his low intelligence by [[fail|pretending to be his voicemail]].

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oP9GFAU0nd4}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Chris:''' Hello I am un-un... I am unavailable to take your call right--
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello you Stupid Mother Fucker You! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Please call back later, goodbye.
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Well I don't give a shit!
 '''Jackass Plumber (soundboard):''' You sick bitch!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris:''' Didn't ya hear me? I said quit calling and call back another time!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Who gives a shit?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris [Answering Machine]:''' Hello you have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler--
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Oh Fugg Kyew Fat Boy! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris [Answering Machine]:''' I'm sorry I can't answer right now but please-- (stops abruptly)
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Nobody's calling your number.
 [''Video end'']

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Two faggots uploaded a video on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he is in fact a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dqguWuNuMi0}}
</center>

====Transcript====
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella -
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me moreso in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA -
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you -
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what -
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob -
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' - bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up.)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Song for Jackie.MOV

2010-09-26T13:17:30Z

Sonicow:

[[File:128469211411.jpg|thumb|The greatest show on earth]]

'''Song for Jackie.MOV ''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] 16 [[September 2010]]. In another attempt to impress [[Jackie]], Chris dons a turban and paints his face in black and red to resemble [http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Popo Mr. Popo] from ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]'' and [[Chris and Music|"sings"]] his version of [[Wikipedia:Mmm_Mmm_Mmm_Mmm|"Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"]] by [[Wikipedia:Crash_Test_Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]].

Note that "sings" is in quotes because Chris's grating mumblings make even his earlier [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|ill-fated music career]] sound like the work of a classically-trained soprano by comparison. Likely unaware of the similarity of his makeup to [[Niggos|blackface]], he rounds out the performance with an impromptu [[Wikipedia:Minstrel show|minstrel song]] adapted from the Spike Lee movie ''[[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|Bamboozled]]'', his [[muscle bra|masculine bosoms]] flailing wildly with each gyration.

It is also worth noting that the original song's lyrics (which tell of two children who carry deformities, but glad they are not in a "[[Autism|Holy Roller]]"-style church like the third child of the song) denote either Chris's inability of getting the message of (even [[Kacey|blatant]] and [[BlueSpike|thinly veiled]]) [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris|satire]], his desperation in his [[Love Quest]], or both. Instead, he [[Asperger syndrome|uses the limelight]] [[Chris and his ego|for himself]], while also implying that Jackie too has some deformity that is forgivable by the Nietzschean (or Nietzsch-Chan) superman that is Chris.

Showing his usual amount of knowledge regarding other [[Chris and Religion|religions]], Chris makes reference to Hinduism despite the fact that genies (or djinni) are an Arabic concept. As if racially insensitive behaviour is not enough, Chris manages to add some religious ignorance to the mix, achieving precisely the opposite of what he intended by informing any Hindus and black people who may be watching that he meant no offense.

At this point, Jackie's reaction is unknown, but it's expected that [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] will soon be shot to pieces by [[niggos|G's]] from da hood.

==Video==

{{quotebox|Attention, I am portraying the Dragonball Character, Mr. Popo.

I am not, [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|nor would ever]], making fun of any [[black people]] living, [[Chris and Death|dead]] or fiction. Nor am I making fun of the Hindu people. Both of which, Blacks and Hindus, are good people too.

Again, this video presentation is NOT meant to make fun of the Blacks or the Hindus. It is only a video for my girlfriend to cosplay as Mr. Popo from the Dragonball Television Series.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Song For Jackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TzAJvMKQeJA}}
| stardate = 16 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Racism|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Leadbelly.jpg|thumb|Leadbelly's reaction to this video]]
[[File:PopoWTF.jpg|thumb|Mr. Popo is not amused]]

[''fake sounding accent''] 'Ello. I am [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] wearing genie, [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]. [''nods and folds his arms, then turns on audio''] I tell you a story. It is a good story. You will enjoy story.

[''plays "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"'']

[''starts "singing" ''] Once there was this boy [''flashes manboobs''] who was born with some autism and yet made a few friends, but after his [[high school]] years he...[[ShecameforCWC.JPG|lost]]...his [[gal pals|friends]] and was [[Stress|troll tortured]]. By [[Trolls|bullies]] who were [[Chris and his Ego|jealous of his material things]] [wiggles his head from side to side and waggles his finger] Nonononononono. [''hums'']

Once there was this girl who continued to have friends long after high school. She could have had her pick of men. But then she found the wayward lost boy. They matched up very well, [[:File: SchuComic10P09.jpg|heavenly matched]]...
Loooove, he was so[?]... [''hums'']

And both [''starts to say 'boy', turns it into 'girl'''] [[Gay|boirl]] and boy were glad when they both saw each other's eyes. When they met up! They both thought of each other. Very often! They had enjoyed each other's company sweetly. Oh, roller coaster ecstasy. [[Chris and Reality|In fantasy]], their days were simple and they looked to be married and have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]]. And [[Crystal|girl]]. It's true! Wait for [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|marriage invitations]]!

[''Suddenly animated, imitating fiddle player''] And there ain't no Saiyans on de [[Gitar of Fail|fiddle]], no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

[''begins to dance what is most likely a continuation of whatever Minstrel Song he saw; a mockery of African aboriginal dancing'']
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

And there ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

[''spoken''] Happy [[hanky-panky|loving]]! Between me and Jackie! I love you [[sweetheart]]. Boing!

==See also==
* [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
* [[A CWC Audition]]
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Song for Jackie.MOV

2010-09-26T13:16:16Z

Sonicow: /* Transcript */

[[File:128469211411.jpg|thumb|The greatest show on earth]]

'''Song for Jackie.MOV ''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] 16 [[September 2010]]. In another attempt to impress [[Jackie]], Chris dons a turban and paints his face in black and red to resemble [http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Popo Mr. Popo] from ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]'' and [[Chris and Music|"sings"]] his version of [[Wikipedia:Mmm_Mmm_Mmm_Mmm|"Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"]] by [[Wikipedia:Crash_Test_Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]].

Note that "sings" is in quotes because Chris's grating mumblings make even his earlier [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|ill-fated music career]] sound like the work of a classically-trained soprano by comparison. Likely unaware of the similarity of his makeup to [[Niggos|blackface]], he rounds out the performance with an impromptu [[Wikipedia:Minstrel show|minstrel song]] adapted from the Spike Lee movie ''[[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|Bamboozled]]'', his [[muscle bra|masculine bosoms]] flailing wildly with each gyration.

It is also worth noting that the original song's lyrics (which tell of two children who carry deformities, but glad they are not in a "[[Autism|Holy Roller]]"-style church like the third child of the song) denote either Chris's inability of getting the message of (even [[Kacey|blatant]] and [[BlueSpike|thinly veiled]]) [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris|satire]], his desperation in his [[Love Quest]], or both. Instead, he [[Asperger syndrome|uses the limelight]] [[Chris and his ego|for himself]], while also implying that Jackie too has some deformity that is forgivable by the Nietzschean (or Nietzsch-Chan) superman that is Chris.

Showing his usual amount of knowledge regarding other [[Chris and Religion|religions]], Chris makes reference to Hinduism despite the fact that genies (or djinni) are an Arabic concept. As if racially insensitive behaviour is not enough, Chris manages to add some religious ignorance to the mix, achieving precisely the opposite of what he intended by informing any Hindus and black people who may be watching that he meant no offense.

At this point, Jackie's reaction is unknown, but it's expected that [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] will soon be shot to pieces by [[niggos|G's]] from da hood.

==Video==

{{quotebox|Attention, I am portraying the Dragonball Character, Mr. Popo.

I am not, [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|nor would ever]], making fun of any [[black people]] living, [[Chris and Death|dead]] or fiction. Nor am I making fun of the Hindu people. Both of which, Blacks and Hindus, are good people too.

Again, this video presentation is NOT meant to make fun of the Blacks or the Hindus. It is only a video for my girlfriend to cosplay as Mr. Popo from the Dragonball Television Series.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Song For Jackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TzAJvMKQeJA}}
| stardate = 16 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Racism|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Leadbelly.jpg|thumb|Leadbelly's reaction to this video]]
[[File:PopoWTF.jpg|thumb|Mr. Popo is not amused]]

[''fake sounding accent''] 'Ello. I am [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] wearing genie, [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]. [''nods and folds his arms, then turns on audio''] I tell you a story. It is a good story. You will enjoy story.

[''plays "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"'']

[''starts "singing" ''] Once there was this boy [''flashes manboobs''] who was born with some autism and yet made a few friends, but after his [[high school]] years he...[[ShecameforCWC.JPG|lost]]...his [[gal pals|friends]] and was [[Stress|troll tortured]]. By [[Trolls|bullies]] who were [[Chris and his Ego|jealous of his material things]] [wiggles his head from side to side and waggles his finger] Nonononononono. [''hums'']

Once there was this girl who continued to have friends long after high school. She could have had her pick of men. But hen she found the wayward lost boy. They matched up very well, [[:File: SchuComic10P09.jpg|heavenly matched]]...
Loooove, he was so[?]... [''hums'']

And both [''starts to say 'boy', turns it into 'girl'''] [[Gay|boirl]] and boy were glad when they both saw each other's eyes. When they met up! They both thought of each other. Very often! They had enjoyed each other's company sweetly. Oh, roller coaster ecstasy. [[Chris and Reality|In fantasy]], their days were simple and they looked to be married and have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]]. And [[Crystal|girl]]. It's true! Wait for [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|marriage invitations]]!

[''Suddenly animated, imitating fiddle player''] And there ain't no Saiyans on de [[Gitar of Fail|fiddle]], no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

[''begins to dance what is most likely a continuation of whatever Minstrel Song he saw; a mockery of African aboriginal dancing'']
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

And there ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

[''spoken''] Happy [[hanky-panky|loving]]! Between me and Jackie! I love you [[sweetheart]]. Boing!

==See also==
* [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
* [[A CWC Audition]]
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

XBox is OK.MOV

2010-09-13T22:47:07Z

Sonicow:

{{quote|I have no...I have no hate... I have little... I have no hatred or anger towards the gay men. None at all. No questions, straight forward. I'm cool with...I'm cool with you gays, you know?|Chris [[List of Chris's lies|lying]] to impress china}}

'''XBox is OK.MOV''' is the second of two videos Chris uploaded on 13 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris makes various declarations including a recanting of his [[Hex Box|Xbox]] hatred, stating that he has nothing against the [[homos|gay men]], and removing any [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] he placed. Chris appears to be trying to clear his name, perhaps to demonstrate to a certain [[Jackie|sweetheart]] that he has changed his ways.

It is unclear why Chris has had a change of heart over the Xbox. Having shown his first PS3 no love by [[The MovingForward videos|destroying it]], it only took Chris a matter of days to purchase a new one. This new PS3 appears in the video, and is used in the first video Chris uploaded earlier the same day. It is not yet known if Chris has also purchased a new Xbox.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = XBox is OK.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hVHNdHEz0hM}}
| stardate = 13 September 2010
| style = {{smug|text}}, {{reason|text}}
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

== Transcript ==

[[Captain's Log]]. Stardate September 13, 2010.

I am making this video to make a public statement.

I no longer have any angst or hatred or anything, any beef, against the XBox. [''Indicates his shelves. No Xbox is visible''] It is a good console, a very good console, prob-a about equally good as a PS3, cannot play BlueRay, But! It is still a good console and is just another gaming console. Just like...you know, I guess, PS...a PS3 is another gaming console, another Wii, or a Wii is another gaming console.

[''Turns to his TV''] And you notice that there's a depreciation in the number of gaming consoles in the center because, the gaming edition is gooone! I... [''loses train of thought momentarily''] I have gotten rid of the horded systems - [[List of Chris's games|systems and games]] that have been, I have horded for a number of years.

And also, I would like to make another statement. [''Looks away from the camera''] I have no...I have no hate... I have little... I have [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|no hatred or anger]] towards the gay men. None at all. No questions, straight forward. [''Chris looks visibly insincere''] I'm cool with...[[It's UGH!|I'm cool with you gays]], you know? You go do what you want to do, just you know, keep it to yourselves. That's all. We're all equal people. We have every right to live our lives free however...each, however each of us individually chooses. So there.

[''pauses and shifts positioning'']

[''mumbles''] Uh, let's see that was another thing...another thing. Hmm.

Anyway that's, uh, that's essentially it. Oh yes I just remembered the other thing. [''Holds up a hand in forgiveness blessing fashion''] I remove ALL hexes and curses to every single person I have ever...around the world that I have ever left a curse on. So consider yourselves [wave of his arm] cleansed! You're all forgiven. Every last one of you. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness!]]

And with that I bid you a good day and a safe one too, all of you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

To Jackie, with Love.MOV

2010-09-13T22:43:18Z

Sonicow:

'''To Jackie, with Love.MOV''' is the first of two videos Chris uploaded on 13 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris declares his love for [[Jackie]] by showing her a slideshow on his new [[PS3]] while Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" plays in the background. Chris spends most of the video [[creepy stare|staring at the camera]]. Chris shares his vision of what their date will be like, which includes [[Family Guy|going to see a movie]], [[McDonalds|going to a fancy restaurant]], [[University of Virginia|taking a walk in the park]], and returning to his house for some good old [[sex|hanky panky]]. [[For My Sweetest Ivy|Hmmmm, sound familiar?]] Chris also mentions that she shouldn't leave him because it would take "well over a month" for him to forget about it and move on to the next [[sweetheart]].

[[Chris and camerawork|To no one's surprise]], the lighting conditions in [[Chris's room]] make it all but impossible to see what is going on the screen.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = To Jackie, with Love.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HkpRvP-XucM}}
| stardate = 13 September 2010
| style = {{crazy|text}}
| subject = {{sex|text}}, {{galpals|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]]
| next = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
}}

== Transcript ==
{{Transcription}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]]|nextlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Haters Gonna Hate.MOV

2010-09-07T01:16:42Z

Sonicow: /* Transcript */ cleanup, little things

'''Haters Gonna Hate''' is a video released on 6 [[September 2010]]. In it, a smug [[Chris]] dismisses the various rumors about his death, and announces that he's going to distance himself from the [[trolls]] and the [[Internet]] ([[Chris_and_the_internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|again]]).

This video marks the return of the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]] after being missing for half the year, and Chris prominently displays his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] in classic fashion at the opening of the video. Also, following the [[PS3]] destruction videos, it's possible to see a PS3 on the top shelf, next to the [[television]]. It may be a new one, but it's also possible that Chris kept the case of the old one as a memento. If it is the old one, it once again forms part of [[List of Chris's Lies|Chris's inability to tell the truth]], since he said he would be [[ItIsFinished.MOV|disposing of it in a dumpster]].

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Haters gonna hate.mov
| video = {{#ev:youtube|N3KX-1o2WRU}}
| stardate = 6 September 2010
| style = {{smug|text}}
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| shirt = Plain red/orange
| previous = [[ItIsFinished.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===

[[image:PS3Alive.png|thumb|''I feel fantastic, and I'm still alive.'']]

''*[[sigh]]*'' September... ''[counting under his breath]'' 4..5...[[Chris and English|''sits'']]! Two thousand ten.

I am ''not'' [[dead]]. ''[dramatic [[glasses]] removal]'' I am very much alive, [[Chris and health|healthy and well]]! And I aims to keep it that way. So don't believe any god damn rumors from the dang trolls, 'cause you know they alls gonna be falsified. ''[pause]'' And I'll tell ya'll something else - [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] ain't dug up! She's still underground! All them trolls are doing between their forums and that they lie- what they spread about and their dang rumors, is just blowing a bunch of ''smoke''. ''[pause]'' So, what do you ''[mumbles]'' so do you- should you believe a whole bunch of smoke? No. Because all there is with the smoke is just a bunch of ''[mumbles]'' it's just a fire of web [[lies]].

''[Long pause]''

So there. And also, I am going to ignore the trolls and they are not going to bother me anymore. I am regaining control of my life. They have played with me for long enough and they're not going to play with me anymore! I'm not going to let them. And also I will say another thing. ''[Starts digging into his pocket, fishing out some sort of string]'' Haters. ''[Twirls string]'' Are gonna. Hate. Pew! ''[Throws it, turns off camera]'' {{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ItIsFinished.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Captain's Log}}

Talk:Haters Gonna Hate.MOV

2010-09-07T01:10:40Z

Sonicow: /* Appearance and weight */

Trying to transcribe...having trouble--[[User:Lylelash|Lylelash]] 09:22, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
- Disregard that I suck cocks, I can't even refresh the page without lagging out.--[[User:Lylelash|Lylelash]] 09:46, 6 September 2010 (PDT)--[[User:Lylelash|Lylelash]] 09:46, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
* I have TRANSCRIBED DIS BITCH. Mostly. Rest easy. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 09:54, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

Pfft, Chris is using his DEEP SCARY VOICE OOOOOOO -[[User:CypherFDP|CypherFDP]] 09:47, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

==PS3==
I broke the page, sorry, but guess what I found. [[User:Ash link|Ash link]] 10:01, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

==Case?==
Chris said he was keeping the PStripple case as a memento, is that a console or the case on the shelf? Keep in mind, I dont' know anything about Playstation 3 cases. --[[User:Fearfulsymmetry|Fearfulsymmetry]] 10:19, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

For a second I thought it might be a ps3 slim with the old faceplate leaned against it, but after comparing videos - it looks exactly the same as the old one pretty much...did he get a used old fat ps3? perhaps on ebay? any recent activity on ebay? is it possible the one he crushed really was a decoy? [[User:Superwoman|Superwoman]] 10:40, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

It looks like the one he made out of Pixelblocks. Anyways, if he had bought a new PS3, why would he have it on a shelf? [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 11:31, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

Whatever it is, it's in the same place as the old one as seen in [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]. --[[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 16:18, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

==Wi-Fi Antenna Gymnast Ribbon?==
is that the removed wifi antenna which he spins around at the camera near the end?? [[User:Superwoman|Superwoman]] 10:38, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
:I was thinking it's the Red String of Fate -- [[User:Mexican|Mexican]] 14:48, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
::"What the fuck was that supposed to be?" was my inital reaction. I don't even have a PS3, so I can't tell if it is or not. At first I think that was supposed to be a whip (notably, quite a gay whip gesture), or those wires Ninjas use to strangle people, but the antannae makes more sense.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 16:25, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

== Wrong title ==

Should be Haters Gonna Hate.MOV (or just Haters Gonna Hate). --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 11:38, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
: [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV]], fix this shit. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:48, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

== Appearance and weight ==

He looks chubbier than usual to me. Thoughts? --[[User:ErsatzHouse|ErsatzHouse]] 12:03, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
:2 things: 1) not a forum; 2) not really --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 12:41, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
:: Maybe it was worth mentioning in the page. --[[User:ErsatzHouse|ErsatzHouse]] 16:19, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
:::Yes, he gained some weight during the hiatus. We usually discuss this stuff on /cwc/ after every video, so go there for this kind of discussion. [[User:Loserbrain|Loserbrain]] 14:43, 6 September 2010 (PDT)
::::He looks much more like classic Chris in this video than he has done recently. Wearing his medallion, stood in his spot, making his videos and doing stupid shit. Rock on. [[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 18:10, 6 September 2010 (PDT)

User:Sonicow

2010-09-03T10:45:10Z

Sonicow:

[[Image:sonicow.PNG|left]]
<div style="clear:right; float:right; width:358px;">
{{userbox
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|info-bg-col= #0000FF
|info-border-col = #00247D
|id= [[Image:Starfleet_science.png|55px|Sciences Division]]
|info= '''Trekkie''' This user is a Star Trek Fan, and finds Chris's faggotry illogical.}}
{{Britfag}}
{{Jerkop}}
{{Requested Template Award}}{{Hex-Box}}
{{VivianGee}}
</div>
<div style="clear:left; float:left; width:358px;">
{{GrammarNazi}}
{{JERK}}
{{Eurofag}}
{{White}}
{{Atheist}}
{{Weeaboo}}
</div>
I am the True Original creator of SONICOW, the Electric Bovine Pokemon.

'''sonicow is back and all up in this mother fucker'''

Template:Britfag

2010-09-03T10:44:21Z

Sonicow: Undo revision 112037 by Sonicow (talk) oh lol

{{userbox
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|info-border-col = #00247D
|id= [[Image:Uk-flag.png|55px|Union Jack]]
|info= '''Britfag''': [[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|got no luck]] against this user, who is British.}}
<noinclude>[[Category:Userboxes|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>
<includeonly>[[Category:CWCkipedians who are Britfags|{{PAGENAME}}]]</includeonly>

Template:Britfag

2010-09-03T10:42:42Z

Sonicow:

{{userbox
|box-border-col= #CF142B
|box-bg-col= #00247D
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|info-border-col = #00247D
|id= [[Image:Uk-flag.png|55px|Union Jack]]
|info= '''Britfag'''
[[Surfshack Tito|Tito]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|got no luck]] against this user, who is British.}}
<noinclude>[[Category:Userboxes|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>
<includeonly>[[Category:CWCkipedians who are Britfags|{{PAGENAME}}]]</includeonly>

User:Sonicow

2010-09-02T19:07:19Z

Sonicow:

[[Image:sonicow.PNG|left]]
<div style="clear:right; float:right; width:358px;">
{{userbox
|box-border-col= #C5B358
|box-bg-col= #0000FF
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|info-bg-col= #0000FF
|info-border-col = #00247D
|id= [[Image:Starfleet_science.png|55px|Sciences Division]]
|info= '''Trekkie''': This user is a Star Trek Fan, and finds Chris's faggotry illogical.}}
{{Britfag}}
{{Jerkop}}
{{Requested Template Award}}{{Hex-Box}}
{{VivianGee}}
</div>
<div style="clear:left; float:left; width:358px;">
{{GrammarNazi}}
{{JERK}}
{{Eurofag}}
{{White}}
{{Atheist}}
{{Weeaboo}}
</div>
I am the True Original creator of SONICOW, the Electric Bovine Pokemon.

'''sonicow is back and all up in this mother fucker'''

User:Sonicow

2010-09-02T19:04:39Z

Sonicow:

[[Image:sonicow.PNG|left]]
<div style="clear:right; float:right; width:358px;">
{{userbox
|box-border-col= #C5B358
|box-bg-col= #0000FF
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|info-bg-col= #0000FF
|info-border-col = #00247D
|id= [[Image:Starfleet_science.png|55px|Sciences Division]]
|info= '''Trekkie''': This user is a Star Trek Fan, and finds Chris's faggotry illogical.}}
{{Britfag}}
{{Jerkop}}
{{Requested Template Award}}{{Hex-Box}}
</div>
<div style="clear:left; float:left; width:358px;">
{{GrammarNazi}}
{{JERK}}
{{Eurofag}}
{{White}}
{{Atheist}}
</div>
I am the True Original creator of SONICOW, the Electric Bovine Pokemon.

'''sonicow is back and all up in this mother fucker'''

Don'tGetTrolled!

2010-07-23T08:40:19Z

Sonicow:

[[File:Youvebeentrolled.png|thumb|You can tell when Chris makes an addition, because suddenly everything sucks]]
'''Don'tGetTrolled''' is Chris's second flipnote animation, posted to [[Flipnote Hatena]] on 22 [[June 2010]]. Chris is known for his [[plagiarism]], but this by far the most blatant and obvious theft he's ever undertaken. Viewers will immediately notice the very high animation quality compared to his other pieces. This is because he didn't make them.

The flipnote is a barely remixed version of an [http://flipnote.hatena.com/556109A0A0F27939@DSi/movie/F27939_09D08B2023EB4_016 animation] Chris commented on extensively (see page 21 of the comments for Chris's thoughts). Chris adds very little to the original animation, scrawling a message about internet safety on some of the frames, and replacing a picture of [[Sonic]] with one of [[Sonichu]]. His description for the animation begs viewers to show their support for the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing", which is presumably a [[law]] Chris dreamed up that would stand in defiance of [[America|freedom of speech]].

Chris actually credits 8-Bit for creating the animation, which is surprising considering how much he usually plagiarizes. Granted, Chris gives this credit in the worst way possible, acting as though 8-Bit is some sort of stalwart ally that supports Chris in his battle against the Bill of Rights. A quick check of the comments on 8-Bit's page shows that Chris made no effort to contact him after his initial rant. It's likely 8-bit had no idea Chris was stealing his work, or that Chris thought of him as an ally.

On top of all of that, Chris completely missed the point of the original video, as it is with everything else he watches. The original message was that if you reply to a troll, then it's your own fault for being a [[naive]] [[retard]]. It's all about personal responsibility for your own actions, which is an alien concept to Chris. Also notable is the fact that Chris locked editing on this video; much like how he [[Download For Play Only|begged people not to change]] his [[LittleBigPlanet]] levels, he is just as protective of his flipnotes. Even when they are almost completely devoid of original material.

It does, however, show a few things about Chris and his thoughts. He still classifies [[ED]] as [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent Garbage]], believes trolls are always on the lookout to find and post more videos of himself (which is true, and it doesn't help that he gladly delivers), and feels that all personal information should be kept off the Internet and all relationships should be started in real life (which is a bit of misinformation on his part - your information is gonna be on the Internet one way or another and not everything must be initiated in real life as he thinks).

The Flipnote was later taken down due to Chris sharing his real name, something against Flipnote Hatena's rules.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Show Your Support with me and 8-Bit for the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing.

Awesome! :)}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/Flipnote
| name = Don'tGetTrolled
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DEtLbxtM3tw}}
| stardate = June 22, 2010
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| previous = [[UltimateNightmare]]
| next = [[HippoOnYourHead]]
}}
===Transcript===
''The audio, and the majority of the video in this animation was not created by Chris. This being the case, this Transcription will only cover the additions Chris made.''

'''0:08-0:09'''
 The original text "Don't reply 2 this this guy" is replaced with "Don't reply 2 any of these idiots". Chris also adds a variation of the "Awesome!" smile, and a hieroglyphic that reads "[[4-cent garbage]]".

'''0:14-0:15'''
 In a graphic representing a [[Sonichu Forum|forum thread]], The word "[[Pokémon|pkmn]]" is replaced with the word "Sonichu".

'''0:16-0:18'''
 In the background, behind the singing man, Chris drew a troll, looking through a video camera. Moments later, this is replaced with a frame in the foreground, depicting the singing stickman as though he's in a newspaper article. "8-BITki" is written in the bottom right, as though it's a sort of headline. It's obvious it's supposed to be the [[Main Page]] of the [[CWCki]], but Chris even fails at that.

'''0:21-0:22'''
 What was originally Sonic the Hedgehog is replaced by Sonichu. Chris drew his initials in the margin, because Sonichu is an ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL.

'''0:23-0:26'''
 Chris wrote several short messages in the background, one appearing after another. "Keep your info to yourself and off the internet!" "Start all relationships in real life only!" "Stay safe and happy online!"

'''0:34-0:35'''
 After the animation proper ends, A two part message from Chris appears. "Remixed by Christian W. Chandler, for the Anti-Internet bad-mouthing campaigne [sic]." "Thanks to '8-Bit' for the original flipnote and anti-troll support."

[[Category: Flipnote Hatena]]

Cleveland Show Voice Rant

2010-03-23T17:06:28Z

Sonicow:

'''Cleveland Show Voice Rant''' (officially "'''Nia Long IS Roberta; NOT that High-Pitchey, Whiney, Bratty Regan Gomez.MOV'''") is a video uploaded on to [[YouTube]] on 22 [[March 2010]], just after Chris [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|proclaimed his intentions to leave the internet a second time]]. Despite the controversial period in which this video was uploaded, all Chris does is [[Chris and hypocrisy#Leaving the Internet Forever|use the Internet for profoundly unimportant shit in spite of promising not to less than 36 hours prior]].

The comments to this video mostly regard Chris's lengthy departure, but also the health of [[Bob]], whom Chris has failed to mention or show any regard for whatsoever since trolls learned he was hospitalised.

==Video==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = Nia Long IS Roberta; NOT that High-Pitchey, Whiney, Bratty Regan Gomez.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|6KIh5DTpZIA}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 22 March 2010
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Television}} Television
| Performance Style = {{reason}} Reason
| Saga =
| Shirt = [[Image:Redgreenvertstripe.png]] Vertical Red & Green Stripes
| previous = [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}
</center>

===Transcript===

Okay, this is just a blog video with a few thoughts of the day on this, the uh- um, let's see... ''[Chris steps off camera, seemingly checking the date, and returns]'' the twenty second day of March. ''[[Stress Sigh|[Sighs]]]'' Anyway, it's just been a bad day for me, y'know, I'm still suffering de- lingering heartaches for what [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|happened recently]]. Mmm... and, uh, also another thought, you know... ''[[Pedo-glasses#Dramatic glasses removal|[Glasses removal]]]'' I just, I just feel, I just feel like sharing, you know, on ''The Cleveland Show'', I liked Nia Long a lot better as the voice of Roberta Tubbs. I don't give- I don't give a damn about this Reagan what- Reagan Gomez what's-her-name. [[Chris and music#Singing|Her voice]] is just [[Chris and health#Other_deformities|too high pitched]] and just does not fit the character as best as Nia Long did. Seth and be- Seth and Mike Henry... Seth McFarlane and Mike Henry would do themselves a big favor by putting Nia Long back as the voice of Roberta. ''[Long pause; sigh; [[The Creepy Stare|Chris looks around awkwardly]]]'' Anyways, just food for thought for today. ''[Puts glasses back on]'' So I'll leave y'all with that.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|Current]]|}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!

2010-03-14T11:42:03Z

Sonicow:

Okay, where the hell did he get a kilt? I know it isn't his drapes or something like that since he's got a sporran and everything. And as far as I know, he and his family have little to no Scottish heritage. So did he go out and buy this for the express purpose of this stupid video? -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 09:18, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
*probably. maybe we should stick the tugboat template on top lol [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 09:23, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
**Where did he get the kilt you ask? Goodwill. Also, he's English-American, and the last I checked, England=/=Scotland. Or Ireland. -PeaceCeapPea
::* I doubt he'd spend money on it. He probably had it from a costume or some shit. --[[User:Wtv|Wtv]] 09:31, 14
::* Last time I checked, "British" = England, N. Ireland, Wales and Scotland. So including the Scots bit in "Brits, Irish and Scots" kind of defeats the idea. His 'Scottish' accent also is notably cringeworthy. I find it an insult the manchild is trying to associate with us. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 09:50, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
:::* "Great Britain" doesn't include Ireland, just England, Wales and Scotland. The "UK" includes all four though. [[User:FourPLUStwo|FourPLUStwo]] 10:27, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
***@Rubidium I'm an Americunt, and I know nothing about British culture. Although, I do know that England, Scotland and Wales each have their own distinct cultures. I don't think a kilt is an appropriate display of English ancestry. Then again, this is Chris-Chan we're talking about. -PeaceCeapPea

*Now that I think about it, this seems to be part of an apparently new obsession with Celtic culture; first we had "Mo Ghile Mear" in the background of a video, and now a kilt and "Ireland's Call." I'm starting to think that maybe Heather is into this, and he picked it up in order to have something in common. -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 09:39, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

March 2010 (UTC)
So it seems Surfshack Tito is a troll who's been contacting Chris directly and somehow got his attention, and has now claimed responsibility for the Heather fiasco. Although Chris says he's a mutual friend of Scarlet, who I could only find mentioned [[Chris's Big Night Out II|here]] briefly. Although is anyone else kinda impressed Chris could 'kick' that high? Seriously, last I saw he could barely get his feet up to thigh height. Also, important quote "Regain the love, and trust, and friendship of heather". So semi-confirmation that she got freaked out and has broken off contact with him. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 09:35, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Let this be a lesson for everyone who was worried, when the Wallflower left and Chris made that first distraught video, that the show was over. Chris is like the fucking Terminator. You just can't stop him from doing something hilarious. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 10:17, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

As a Scotsman, I am raging at this video so badly right now... [[User:JerichoJack|JerichoJack]] 11:21, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

BY not mentioning the Welsh, Chris robs me of my sheep-joke opportunities. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 11:42, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

PS3

2010-01-27T15:56:15Z

Sonicow:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' is [[Chris]]'s "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one. He eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]].

==PlayStation Network==
[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris' financial responsibility.]]

Chris, being as irresponsible with money as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's online capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed into most of the $2000 of his credit card debt (although this was during the [[Julie]] Saga). As of now that number <strike>could be lower or higher, but almost definitely</strike> is higher.

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much, and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. In the file of his PSN purchases, it has been found he bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

=== Trophies ===

According to [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of January 27, 2010, Chris has 731 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Chris is a trophy whore; when he plays a game, he plays the shit out of it. Although more than half his games are at or near 0%, the rest are closer to or at 100%.

The games he has over 50% progress so far include:

{| class="wikitable"
! Game
! Trophies acquired
! %
! Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level. <strike>(Chris used to have 100% of this game's trophies, until new trophies were introduced in an update.)</strike>
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| Apparently, a demoscene production. ''Not'' remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Gunstar Heroes''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Flower''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Frogger Returns''
| 4
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Burnout Paradise''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]</ref>
|-
| ''Wheel of Fortune''
| 12
| 90%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Sonic Unleashed''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't actually even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide Sonic 3D title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
| ''Noby Noby Boy''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
|
|-
| ''UNO''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there's a bunch of them that he hasn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he has touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over ''a couple of hours''. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'')

It has been alleged that Chris will download completed save files for games to unlock everything — to unlock all of the level creation items in LittleBigPlanet, for instance — so he might not even be any good at games he actually plays. (By sheer coincidence, borrow-a-save achievement grinding isn't possible on the [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]]. Perhaps yet another reason Chris doesn't like it?)

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Mail1lbf.jpg|
Image:Mail2u.jpg|
Image:Mail3vah.jpg|
Image:Mail4b.jpg|
Image:Mail5.jpg|
Image:Mail6e.jpg|
Image:Maildma.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

=== Hacking ===

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account has been hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart Julie, was able to convince Chris to "share" his password in [[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3|February 2009]], and later used it as a wedge to control and torment Chris. Later, in the summer of 2009, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

It’s hard to be certain regarding the disposition of Chris’s account at any given time, but chances are, if it hasn’t been hacked at the moment, it’s only a matter of time.

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is]]}}
{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles}}

[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's [[Vanity Plate of Fail|Sonichumobile]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]
Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Sexual attraction to PS3==
{{main|Chris humps his PS3}}

On 24th [[July 2009]], a video of Chris repeatedly assaulting his PS3 with his [[duck]] was leaked.

==Other oddities==

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in [[Brutal Legend]].</ref> He even does so in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris' [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
*[[List of Chris's games]] - detailing his entire game collection.
*[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
*[[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
*[[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempt to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
*[[PS3 History Level]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[PSP]]
*[[PSN Blogs]] - an archive of Chris's posts.
*[[Sonichu Home Club]] - because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
*[[Sony]]
*[[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - the Kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls

2010-01-13T16:39:57Z

Sonicow: /* Transcript */

"'''Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls'''" is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 29 [[August 2009]] in which he tells everyone that they are going to hell for mocking him. He has a particularly difficult time making eye-contact with the camera.

Given some of Chris's own personal transgressions, he'll be spending the hereafter with the [[trolls]].

==Description==

{{quotebox|Bless the [[True and Loyal fanbase|True, Honest and Loyal]]; Curse the Evil who Mock and Slander Me and my Good Name. }}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls
| image = {{#ev:youtube|ThLvk65vuXE}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 29 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Reason.png]] Reason
| previous = [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE#Uncut| ECV 00192]]
| next = [[30_August_2009| 30 August 2009]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

Oh, such a cruel world to curse this young- this young.. lad. It's like, [[Chris and reality|I'm so young]], ya know? Give me such grief. Giving me such worry. All you're doing is puttin' anutter foot in your own graves, your own hell. It ain't worth it. Give it up. Quit be- quit pretending t'be bored. If you're so bored, go do laundry, go get a job or something. [[Lie|I am. I'm working on it.]]

But, anyway. Yeah. Stop it. Y'all living your own hell, ya ding-- dang, dirty trolls, so.. and you'll continue living that, if you- if- if you continue on ridiculing me. Justice will be served. [Raises right hand] [[Chris and religion|God will see to it. Jesus will.. be there to help him, as well.]] [Puts his right hand on his forehead, then lowers it] You'll hafta pray for forgiveness. And you'll hafta be pretty damn lucky to be able to... stay out of Hell when you go. Especially the [[Homos|homosexuals]]. That's a one-way ticket right there. [[Lie|I'm straight, so, I'm safe.]]

So... yeah. First ignoring ya trolls, so forget 'bout it, forget about it. Quit trying to pick on my nerves and cause chaos. [Moves head gesturing "no"] [[Lie|It's not worth it.]]

[Closes his eyes, making his face look constipated]

God bless the, uhh, holy and the true. But, yet, cursed are those who dare to mock [[Christian Weston Chandler|others]] and ridicule them.

Peace to the good, curse to the bad.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]|nextlink=[[30 August 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Template:Video of the now

2010-01-11T21:25:51Z

Sonicow: Undo revision 62001 by Douchewellington (Talk) (Sucked)

<center>{{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}</center>
<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template talk:Video of the now

2010-01-08T16:38:04Z

Sonicow:

Can someone help make this so text is right aligned, like the Picture of the Now? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:26, 3 May 2009 (CEST)
*On second thought, I don't think ED adds captions to the front page video, and sometimes it's better to let the video speak for themselves. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:01, 3 May 2009 (CEST)

== The current vid sucks ==

No, really. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 12:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
* A little background: on that guy's YouTube channel a couple months back that guy made a TOTAL SERIOS video about how Chris isn't a very good artist and his characters are unoriginal Sonic recolors and then he proceeded to go to buy some REAL ART SUPPLIES and do an even shittier (!) version of Sonichu and Rosechu. He's like 45 too. Unfunny but still weird and unbelievable. He has some degrees from Patriot Bible University or something up on his wall, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 13:25, 21 November 2009 (CET)
:* Which video is this? [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 13:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
::*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcy9ih1Zz4M His commentary on Chris] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5g19a-A7Mk his shitty fancomic]. From what I can gather he's a lonely middle aged accountant with some kind of cool autism spectrum disorder. He makes YouTube videos and sometimes gets attention because he put "Jesus" or "Mohammad" in the title. He offers Chris advice on life and art in the first video, like Chris will give a shit about what he (or anyone else) says. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 14:36, 21 November 2009 (CET)
*The reason it's featured is because he's a guy who takes this drama super serious and it's amusing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:04, 22 November 2009 (CET)

==Hellsing==
This is probably the stupidest video ever. Seven minutes of TL;DW, and I've been known to sit through some [[List of Videos|abysmal shit]]. If we're looking for critical commentary by other fat basement dwellers, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DivNbXzUJ0 this guy] is way more thorough--his <s>'epic rant'</s> tard rage lasted for FIVE parts. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:31, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*Counterpoint: THAT FUCKING NECK is HYPNOTIC. Also, this guy appears to be wearing a medallion, so maybe he knows what he's talking about. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:40, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*Goddamnit, he obviously doesn't know shit about Chris-Chan, other than some basic facts he skimmed off his ED page or something - shit that everyone and [[Vivian|their hamster]] know about. After seeing the ending of the video - I realized that it's just a goddamn plug for the CWCki, that he made, in hopes of getting us to think that he is some awesome motherfucker, and subscribe to him. I've seen some videos he's done previously too - he's a fucking retard. --[[User:NeoShadow|NeoShadow]] 13:48, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
:*I couldn't care less about Captain Guido, in my corner of the world we have a maxim:"There's no such thing as bad publicity". Our real problem is that we are still on the fringe of the internet. Few conventional media would dare to touch Chris's story. Because of this, I am glad for any plug we can get. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:35, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
::*I've no major objections, but I have to say that the Cleveland Show parody we had before was badass. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 16:37, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

Template talk:Video of the now

2010-01-08T16:37:50Z

Sonicow: /* Hellsing */

Can someone help make this so text is right aligned, like the Picture of the Now? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:26, 3 May 2009 (CEST)
*On second thought, I don't think ED adds captions to the front page video, and sometimes it's better to let the video speak for themselves. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:01, 3 May 2009 (CEST)

== The current vid sucks ==

No, really. --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 12:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
* A little background: on that guy's YouTube channel a couple months back that guy made a TOTAL SERIOS video about how Chris isn't a very good artist and his characters are unoriginal Sonic recolors and then he proceeded to go to buy some REAL ART SUPPLIES and do an even shittier (!) version of Sonichu and Rosechu. He's like 45 too. Unfunny but still weird and unbelievable. He has some degrees from Patriot Bible University or something up on his wall, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 13:25, 21 November 2009 (CET)
:* Which video is this? [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 13:34, 21 November 2009 (CET)
::*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcy9ih1Zz4M His commentary on Chris] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5g19a-A7Mk his shitty fancomic]. From what I can gather he's a lonely middle aged accountant with some kind of cool autism spectrum disorder. He makes YouTube videos and sometimes gets attention because he put "Jesus" or "Mohammad" in the title. He offers Chris advice on life and art in the first video, like Chris will give a shit about what he (or anyone else) says. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 14:36, 21 November 2009 (CET)
*The reason it's featured is because he's a guy who takes this drama super serious and it's amusing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:04, 22 November 2009 (CET)

==Hellsing==
This is probably the stupidest video ever. Seven minutes of TL;DW, and I've been known to sit through some [[List of Videos|abysmal shit]]. If we're looking for critical commentary by other fat basement dwellers, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DivNbXzUJ0 this guy] is way more thorough--his <s>'epic rant'</s> tard rage lasted for FIVE parts. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:31, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*Counterpoint: THAT FUCKING NECK is HYPNOTIC. Also, this guy appears to be wearing a medallion, so maybe he knows what he's talking about. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 00:40, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*Goddamnit, he obviously doesn't know shit about Chris-Chan, other than some basic facts he skimmed off his ED page or something - shit that everyone and [[Vivian|their hamster]] know about. After seeing the ending of the video - I realized that it's just a goddamn plug for the CWCki, that he made, in hopes of getting us to think that he is some awesome motherfucker, and subscribe to him. I've seen some videos he's done previously too - he's a fucking retard. --[[User:NeoShadow|NeoShadow]] 13:48, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
:*I couldn't care less about Captain Guido, in my corner of the world we have a maxim:"There's no such thing as bad publicity". Our real problem is that we are still on the fringe of the internet. Few conventional media would dare to touch Chris's story. Because of this, I am glad for any plug we can get. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:35, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
::*I've no major abjections, but I have to say that the Cleveland Show parody we had before was badass. --[[User:Sonicow|Sonicow]] 16:37, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

User:Sonicow

2010-01-06T14:12:22Z

Sonicow:

<div style="clear:right; float:right; width:358px;">
{{Award|
bordercolor=#C5B358|
bgcolor=#0000FF|
textcolor=#C5B358|
titlecolor=#C5B358|
image=Starfleet_science.png|
img_width=50|
width=358px|
title=Trekkie|
text=This user is a Star Trek Fan and finds Chris's faggotry illogical.|}}
{{Britfag}}
{{Jerkop}}
{{Requested Template Award}}
</div>
I am the True Original creator of SONICOW, the Electric Bovine Pokemon.

[[Image:sonicow.PNG]]

==Captain's [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Log]]==
===Shit I've done===
[[Scale of Respect]]

[[Template:CWC-isms]]

[[Clown Doll]]

[[Minor CWC-isms]]

Saved the world from despair

===Shit I need to do===
*...

==Sand[[hex-box|bawx]]==
{| id="toc" width="30%" style="text-align:Left; clear:both;" align=right
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''CWCville war of independence'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px;" |
<center>
[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|200px]] 
Above: Patriotic poster from the True and Honest coalition
----
'''Date:''' June 21, 2009 – 11 November, 2009 
'''Location:''' [[14 Branchland Court]] [[Ruckersville]] [[Virginia]] 
'''Result:''' [[CChanSonichuCWC|True and Honest]] victory. [[Kacey]] released and married. 
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''Belligerents'''
|-

</center>
|}
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

{| class="collapsible collapsed" style="width:100%;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" | {{{1}}}
|-
|{{{2}}}
|}
{| class="collapsible collapsed" style="width:100%;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" | Crooks
|-
|<blockquote>
1. ''(Noun)'' Those who may steal [[Sonichu]] and put his name in offensive use. ''(pl.)''
 
2. ''(Noun)'' [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page.
 
'''Origin:'''
''(Phrase)'' "Too many cooks spoil the broth"
 
'''Usage:'''
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]
*''[[:Image:CWCCop.jpg|Unidentified drawing]]''

'''Quotes:'''

"...That ED page is one of those '''crooks'''. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a '''crook'''."
</blockquote>
|}

Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009

2010-01-04T18:03:43Z

Sonicow: Removing dead <center> tag

{{Honest}}

On 28 April 2009, [[Christian Weston Chandler]] posted two [[YouTube]] videos titled "'''ECV 00095'''" and "'''ECV 00096'''". In the first video he addresses the [[April 16 Fetish Vids|16 April release of video and pictures]] showing him drinking his own [[semen]], wearing [[butt garments|adult diapers]], and spanking himself. In addition, he admits that he frequently [[dirty crapped briefs|shits his pants]].

On 5 [[May 2009]], "ECV 00095" was linked on [http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161 Fark], [http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/8icda/the_creepiest_person_on_the_internet_has_been/ Reddit] and other popular sites, dramatically increasing the number of people who have seen Chris-chan [[fail]] on the Internet.

Chris was apparently motivated to make "ECV 00095" when he was told that a little girl named [[Ching Chong]] saw the aforementioned sex acts on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. He spends much of this first video explaining why it's natural to be a cum-guzzling, self-flagellating, incontinent camwhore. At the same time, he struggles to reassure the viewer of his mental health. Near the end he seems to decide he cannot adequately account for his actions without confessing that he only produced the videos and pictures for the erotic pleasure of an "anonymous female individual".

Within an hour of posting "ECV 00095", Chris followed up with "ECV 00096". In this video, he admits what was already obvious: that the woman for whom he made the sex videos is [[Ivy]]. Chris seems thoroughly convinced that the more he can establish that the fetish footage was made at the behest of a real woman, the more acceptable it will become.

Perhaps realizing that these circumstances point to the (true) conclusion that Ivy is a [[troll]] deceiving him into embarrassing himself on the Internet, Chris spends much of the second video defensively insisting that Ivy is a real person, that they are going to lose their virginity together, "and it's going to be awesome."

The video was discussed on several radio shows, including the nationally syndicated Sirius and XM Radio show Opie and Anthony.

==Watch==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|FomKwM7rQw8}}</center>

===Transcript===

[''displays [[high school ring]] of truthiness'']

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate, uh [''shows ring again''], April 28th, 2009.

Uhh. It has come to my attention that, uh, [[April 16 Fetish Vids|certain videooos]] of the, uh, naughty nature have been disco—have been leaked to the trolls and they have been added to the ED page, and I want to talk a little bit about, uh, the subject matter of three videos.

You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the '''[[semen|navy]]''' being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do [[mass debate|masturbate]]—I'm not ashamed to admit it—as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I—yeah, into [[fapcup|the cup]] and—yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|unborn children]]. So then I can—then I can also still have a good number of...—a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it. And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners... of the—their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don—if you don—if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.

Anyway, the—anyway, af—from after that the, uh, second topic, the, uh, one where I spanked myself. Yeah, I just, uh, I was doin' that for fun, because sometimes I do my [[random access humor|random, silly, crazy things]], and, uh... [''sighs''] ''sometimes'' adult feel pleasure from pain, even when they, uh, do it to themselves. But I mean, I'm n—I mean, n—I mean, not to a point where they kill themselves, but I mean, uh, just, like, you know, spanking is a generally a pop—generally a popular type, uh, thing amongst adults. Hm. But anyway, it's a—it's a fetish for some people, and I just randomly felt like doing that.

And then the, uh, third topic which was the—uh, the—uh, the photographs of, uh, me [[butt garments|a... dult diapers]]. Uhhhh, yes, I did, uh, get a free sampling of diapers from a troll, but, regalry—legularly I, uh, do not use them, but I just felt like trying a pair on. And it was okay. Not—not a big deal; it's just, uh...—but, y'know, I wouldn't—I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear ''briefs''. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very stressed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or talk bad about me. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen—it just builds up and sometimes, uh, it just—I just have to—it just comes out, and I sometimes accidentally, uh... [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|poo my pants]]. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their... underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.

And, uh, with that—

[''jump cut'']

[[Image:SchuComicSP3P6.jpg|thumb|right|'''GUESS CHRISTIAN'S FETISH NOW!''']]
I just want to continue to make it perfectly clear that I am a healthy, growing, sane, and sound-minded, uh, adult individual.

[''jump cut'']

And I should continue to be treated and respected as an equal among the human population just as anybody else. Private matters are private matters.

[''jump cut'']

But, uh, also, I—in reality I actually did those, uh, videos and pictures as a favor to, uh, an individ—as a favor to a... to an anon—to an [[Ivy|anomynous female individual]] (sic) who just wanted to get her kicks off of it. But you know, a lot of women, they, uh, tend to get their kicks off of kinky things as such. An adult fetish, nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, everybody's got at least one, I'm sure. I have some. I'm not exactly sure how exactly to describe them, but yes, I have some, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Thank you very much for your time and, uh, have a pleasant day. Peace.
 

==Additional material==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8wff4-9KmHw}}</center>

===Transcript===

This is a video that goes in addition to the one I have recently posted.
[[Image:LoseOurVirginies.jpg|thumb|right|By "awesome" he means "a mental scarring experience"]]
The anonymous person of mine was—uh... that I did the videos for originally... yeah, yeah. It was for Ivy. I was trying to respect her decision of, uh, not revealing her name, but, uh, it didn't work out so she agreed—so, she asked me to, uh, just go ahead and let y'all know about that.

But anyway, Ivy is not a troll. She is real. She is true. And she is my sweetheart. We are going to be together in the near future and we are going to have sex. We're going to lose our virginities to each other... and it's going to be awesome.

And, just so you know, the, uh, previous video was also dedicated to a little girl, who accidentally found the ED page. Her name was [[Ching Chong]].

That's it. That's it.

Ivy is real! ''We are going to be together!'' ''Foreverrr!''

I can feel the cosmos!

Peace.

[[Image:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|center]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWCFlyingElephants]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 29 April 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-04-28]]