CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sweetheart

2024-06-25T11:15:02Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. While stay-at-home husbands/dads are no rarity these days, they are not without responsibilities. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners.''' Chris has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This is a common trait among autistic folks, though this doesn't mean they are incapable of learning. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents, resources that clearly were never available to Chris. He has a habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]]. The latter got him banned from a gym after they received numerous complaints from other patrons about Chris' constant flatulence (in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]). Chris also has no sense of personal boundaries, and has inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touched]] and [[TooManyGames|kissed]] people even when they explicitly tell him several times not to do so. He tends to make inappropriate remarks without an understanding for time or place, such as doing his [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His other attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] are [[Namgge|cringey]] at best and [[Punchy Sonichu|downright offensive]] at worst. He has no problem in addressing a [[DoopieDoOver|stranger]] he only interacted with in a professional setting with nicknames normally reserved for sexual partners. Additionally, Chris often tries to drag people [[My Little Pony voice actresses|he barely knows]] into his drama in a vain attempt to turn them into a personal army against his perceived enemies. Even after it's made abundantly clear, Chris fails to realize that these strangers have better things to do in their life than be a part of some [[slow in the minds|mentally challenged]] manchild's petty grudges and childish zealotry. Not only do these attempts fail, but also antagonize said people. It is the very reason why even more [[My Little Pony|progressive]] and [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|tolerant]] communities eventually lose their patience with Chris. This point in particular is what caused even genuine [[Megan Schroeder|friends]] to throw in the towel on Chris, simply because of how insufferable he is.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to live off his meager [[tugboat]] instead. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, lost in his [[Dimensional Merge|delusions]].

Throughout human history, women are psychologically inclined to mate with men who have the most resources, both material and financial ones. Nowadays, as women can go study, work and make money on their own, they are no longer reliant on men as providers. Nonetheless, the archaic pattern remains and even in modern day society, women will go for men on the same, even higher level of their education and income, such as Doctors, Surgeons, Lawyers, Engineers, IT, or any mid to high level employee. Unlike the 80's or the era his decrepit old parent's come from, women are not going to settle down with a greasy, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] anymore, much less have children with him.

Ultimately, Chris' social and financial status will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

January 2021 social media posts

2024-06-25T09:57:44Z

Sorades: /* Chris now knows German */ Worth mentioning

{{SonichuPossession}}

This page is an archive of Chris's major social media posts during [[January 2021]].

Posts are color-coded yellow to reflect his role-playing as Sonichu during this month.

==Shadow is alive==
1 January

''In response to Chris's [[December 2020 social media posts#Vital Lesson|Vital Lesson]] tweet.''

Bryanna (@BryannaGaga)

{{quoteboxgreen|Do I get to meet [[Sonic the Hedgehog#Shadow the Hedgehog|shadow the hedgehog]] or not}}

{{quoteboxyellow|You will; he is alive.}}

==Stay safe==
1 January

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|Buildings are collapsing out there. I think I see a blue blur! Damn it! A golden thing is on the horizon. It is like a golden temple. My camera can't zoom in as much as my eyes can. Damn it! We are not 1218 or c-197! Why me?? Why us??!}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Stay safe; we’re working on things here; the it is still 1218 and C-197 merging, but there are still bad forces looking to harm in crossing over. Your prayers have been heard and will be answered.}}

==Dimensional Merge==
1 January

''Chris replies to [[December 2020 social media posts#Vital Lesson|his previous Dimensional Merge tweet]].''

{{quoteboxyellow|The terminology you all have here: Dimensions, Universes, Multiverse, and your various perceptions and definitions of them can be very confusing, but sortable. Dimension divides separates each Universe within the respective Multiverse sets, so each universe is also considered a dimension, but a part of its collective sum of universes that make up the greater Dimension size. The process of the complete merge has been like a zipper as each respective pairs of dimensionally divided universes merged together. Being near the end of the greater sequence has allowed us between our respective 1218 and C-197 and locally to study and analyze the patterns and flows of the respective merges of the combined dimension pairs before us, so that we can have better prep work be made, of which everyone has done and did as good a job as possible.

My apologies for the confusion with the terminology earlier, as I had questioned the locally perceived definition differences between Dimensions and Universes. It got confusing for me for a while as well, but this mind has clarity.⚡⚡⚡}}

==Happy 2021==
1 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Happy 2021; stay safe and well in the upcoming days ahead. ⚡⚡⚡

[''GIF of a character going into a room and closing the door with text saying "Okay, 2020, it's time to go now.".'']}}

Mister Simplistic (@MisterSimplist1)

{{quoteboxred|Where my Merge at?}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Right in front of you and under your own nose. Your clouded judgment densed with cynicism is preventing you from fully feeling and experiencing it for yourself. Unfortunately, that is common amongst the haters and bad individuals of this dimension.}}

==Broken Sonichu pendant==
1 January

Astrelle, Anya's #1 Melfriend (@SkyAstrelle)

{{quoteboxgreen|Jek broke the Sonichu pendant :(

[''Photo of a person with an annoyed expression on their face while holding a broken [[Sonichu Medallion|medallion]]'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Use some Krazy Glue or Epoxy to reattach the piece.}}

==More Dimensional Merge==
2 January

{{quoteboxyellow|To all peoples of this Dimension 1218: I, Sonichu Prime of Dimension C-197, have been personally continuing to feel, foresee, see, and experience the events of the Merge, now it’s Apex Event in progress. I have been keeping my experiences confidential within our allied groups, because they actually, genuinely believe the facts that I, Chris Chan, and the rest of us have been presenting to all of you, and they, along with the kind and supportive love and prayers from the good and neutral peoples of this dimension, have been more helpful than even freaking foes like IdeaGuy, BlueSpike, and even Sockness. And I knew that everything that is sent over this Twitter account is constantly on watch by the bad individuals and haters that either do not get it for themselves, are in their own respective denial, or get their rocks off by throwing slaps in our faces and turning a blind eye and ear to what is right in front of their cynical faces. You poisonous lot do not know a damn thing, because you refuse to accept the present situations and what is obvious in front of you and offline. Your senses were numbed for far too long.

The completion of the merge is at hand, so I speak freely of that reasoning. Your words do not reach us. We have no doubt in what is to come. I am not an asshole; you haters are speaking for yourselves and projecting that upon us.

[''GIF of an anime character slapping another anime character'']

I do not care for that intolerance. Chris, I, and all of the other deities are looking after each and every one surviving individual, regardless, between these two dimensions; we apologize deeply for the losses and sacrifices that had to be made. Believe me, we get it. ⚡⚡⚡

P.S.

I never said it was going down completed on January First; I said “Any Moment” at the present time.

[[File:January2TwitterText.jpg|320px]]}}

==Big Chungus==
2 January

''In response to a Twitter user asking Chris if {{W|Wabbit Twouble#"Big Chungus"|Big Chungus}} will arrive in the [[Dimensional Merge]].

{{quoteboxyellow|In C-197, Bugs Bunny, himself, would ask, “What’s a Chungus, Doc?” No, that fatty exists in the alternate Meme universe.}}

==Dimensional collapse==
2 January

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|I look terrible. I might sleep all day. I don't need to get out of this apartment. I can pay taxes and stuff. I don't need anyone or anything. All I need can be drawn. I just need to wait till the Dimensional Merge and whatever happens after. Would be hilarious if both dimensions collapsed during the merge and erased me and everyone. Jajaja

[''Artwork of a character taking a selfie in the mirror'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|You will not be erased. There will be no collapse. You need not feel despondent, youthful one.}}

==Zonichu comic==
2 January

''In response to Zonichu tweeting out the end of chapter seven for their Sonichu fan comic.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Okay, that really sucks. Chris Chrus was right to warn you about him.}}

==Monster Energy==

{{quoteboxred|Skippin' breakfast today. #UltraRosá

[''Promotional image of Monster Energy Ultra Rosá'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Like how bathing is better than [[Axe|#AXEbodyspray]], breakfast is better than an energy drink, alone. ⚡⚡⚡}}

==Unnamed Zonichu section==
5 January

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|Not doing that good. I jumped into a relationship. I am dating a 10 but I still miss Magichan and Jeff too. I feel worse by the minute

[''Artwork of a character with an empty expression on their face'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Girl, talk with Nikki about the troubles you’ve had before meeting him. You will feel better getting that off your chest, and I am certain he will understand and offer a sympathetic and supportive ear and response. He has had his share of experiences before being summoned to you.}}

==Prayers==
5 January

''In response to an enabler requesting for Chris's help to get back to their respective dimension after they accidentally sent themself to "E Space".''

{{quoteboxyellow|Your prayers have been heard and will be answered.}}

==Greg Cipes==
6 January

''In response to a Twitter user called Greg Cipes announcing that they're now apart of the Brony community.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Welcome to the #Brony group, Greg. I like the art; maybe your cutie mark can be the triangle with a heart inside of it; all yellow. Ooh! Balance between your body, mind and soul, with all of the love in it for the ponies and other animals. Try the Hayburger and fries. 😊⚡}}

==Oh No!==
8 January

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|OH SHIT OH NO.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Stay calm as best as you can; we will help you with Nikki. It was my fault in recommending this route to you, but this was also a test for you, @zonichu. In short: this was your chance to get to know and refocus your attention on Nikki, as opposed to letting your obsessions get the better of you. This is compariable to what Chris had done in chronicling us: she deviated and focused on her physical obsessions, while partially focusing on us, Cwcville and C-197 when writing her earlier books.

There is a way for you to remedy this: Draw Nikki Tame. Also, make sure you’ve made up your mind about Nikki and how they should be; don’t be uncertain; collect your thoughts and know what the behavior of your ideal partner should be and reflect them into Nikki.}}

==Dry Stone==
8 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, #Opuscon789, just read your latest chapter; how ever did you know Chris, here, had a dry stone of power like that? JK, we knew that you would have known. Fact: Chris didn’t make this stone, she literally found it on an outing of hers. Kra-Kow! ⚡⚡⚡

[[File:January8FanFicScreenshot.jpg|250px]] [[File:January8TwitterStone.jpg|300px]]}}

==Donald Trump==
9 January

''Chris quote tweets a tweet displaying a list of things relating to [[Donald Trump]] that have recently been banned.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Well, some good news, all things considered.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Yet kind of an “I don’t get why”; everyone else is seeing him as “account suspended”, yet for me, it’s there, but his tweets are hidden.

[[File:January9TwitterPmurt1.jpg|200px]] [[File:January9TwitterPmurt2.jpg|200px]] [[File:January9TwitterPmurt3.jpg|200px]]}}

==Yikes==
9 January

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|I am stuck what to draw. I have a notebook but no ideas and also a comic to make but feel empty}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Yikes. Just take some time off; it will come back to you shortly enough.}}

==Looks good==
9 January

''Chris quote tweets fanart of [[Simonla]].''

{{quoteboxyellow|That’s not bad; looks good.}}

10 January

mrs. kujo blm (@spinosauridae)

{{quoteboxgreen|isn’t she someone else’s OC though}}

FunnyValintineFan1890 (@FFan1890)

{{quoteboxred|Yeah but I think the OC was genderbent}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Wrong. Simonchu and Simonla are separate individuals, yet they are brother and sister.}}

==Magi-Chan==
11 January

''In response to Zonichu tweeting artwork of their OC with [[Magi-Chan]].''

{{quoteboxyellow|I see you got your Magi-Chan back in your company. Yep, enjoy him while you have him, and let him go when he has to go. With you, @zonichu, the old habits die hard, I see.}}

==BulmaBunny==
12 January

BulmaBunny (@BulmaBunnyGirl)

{{quoteboxorange|Going to stream as Tails on Friday, anyone got any suggestions ? .. I do have something in mind but would still love to hear your thoughts UwU

[''GIF of [[Sonic the Hedgehog#Tails's lack of a role in the comics|Tails]] from [[Sonic Boom]] hopping on one foot while going in circles'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Did Scratch just tell Tails to hop on one foot again? LOL.}}

==Banana==
12 January

Springy (@SpringyDotPng)

{{quoteboxgreen|Who is this? Wrong answers only

[''Artwork of a character from Five Nights at Freddy's known as Springtrap'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Banana}}

==Music==
13 January

''Chris quote tweets a now deleted tweet likely related to "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]".''

{{quoteboxyellow|Yeah. It has a better beat than the #BackstreetBoys track that was its music, and it is a lot less cringe for these ears to listen to. twitter.com/braphoglvr23/status/1349199861523087367}}

==Simonla Rosechu==
13 January

{{quoteboxred|Finally drew Simonchu! Look how different he is compared to simonla. Simonchu is another one I hope @CPU_CWCSonichu will update us on. You can barely even tell one was inspired by the other 🤔

[''Artwork of [[Simonla Rosechu]]'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Kinda looks like you gave him boobs and drew his genderbent universe self-counterpart.}}

==Vinyl Scratch==
13 January

''Chris quote tweets a tweet asking people to say something nice about the [[My Little Pony]] character named [[Vinyl Scratch]].''

{{quoteboxyellow|She does talk, she knows a great tune and jam when she hears it, and she keeps the haters out with da beats and cello she loves. ⚡⚡⚡}}

Vladicarus (@Vladicarus)

{{quoteboxgreen|As a watcher of the show, shes literally never spoken once.}}

14 January

{{quoteboxyellow|[[Chris and reality|You haven’t been to Equestria, personally, and talked with Vinyl]]. Plus, look in “Legend of Everfree”; her human counterpart speaks with Fluttershy.}}

==Forever Physical==
14 January

Limited Run Games (@LimitedRunGames)

{{quoteboxorange|Want to win a K.O. Edition of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game - Complete Edition? Of course you do.

1. Follow us
2. Like and retweet this
3. Reply with #ForeverPhysical

Winner drawn tomorrow. GLHF!}}

{{quoteboxyellow|#ForeverPhysical}}

==Sonic drink==
14 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, @BulmaBunnyGirl and @GottaGoFastYT, I discovered something really cool yesterday at our local @sheetz, and today just realized that a few days ago, y’all uploaded the @SonicWorldDX vid with #SonicTheHedgehog and #PrincessPeach. ⚡⚡⚡

[[File:January14SonicDrink1.jpg|220px]] [[File:January14SonicDrink2.jpg|220px]]}}

==Chris now knows German==
14 January

DrachenLord (@RainerWinkIerDO)

{{quoteboxgreen|Um das neue Jahr richtig zu begrüsen lade ich alle Fans und neutrale Zuschauer heute zu einer Riesen Sylvester Party bei mir ein. Kommt alle zur Schanze ihr wisst wo ;) XD XD dann wird geböllert ohne Ende!}}

''This roughly translates to "To really welcome the New Year, I invite all fans and neutral viewers to a huge New Year's Eve party with me today. Everyone comes to the lair you know where;) XD XD then there is no end to blasting!". Lair refers to DrachenLord's property which is commonly referred to as "die Drachenschanze" which is German for "the Dragon's Lair".'' His property has since been sold to the state of Germany for a laughable 70.000€ and demolish since.

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, Alter. Guter segan [sic] heute; sendan [sic] sie [sic] mir bitte eine direkte nachricht [sic], wenn sie können. Vielen dank [sic]. ⚡⚡⚡}}

''This roughly translates to "Hey dude Good blessing today; please send me a direct message if you can. Many Thanks. ⚡⚡⚡".''

==Opuscon==
15 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, #opuscon789, I just read your latest chapter. So, you’ve heard of Mama Chris and I having discovered the eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball here in our pair of universes, and felt it well enough to include it. There are details you may have overlooked that you should consider on the details of Dimension/Universe N-641’s Sonichu Prime, Chris Chan, and their eight S-Chu Crystal Ball, since that is what you are referring to.

Between Chris and I, here in 1218 and C-197 (she’s still in my body, by the way, but the body-swap was not an initial requirement for manifesting the eighth Crystal Ball), the major requirement is to manifest that mythical Crystal Ball is that, and I directly quote the Anchuent Prophecy: both the Original Creator (Chris Chan) and the Prime Creation (myself, Sonichu) of this pair of dimensions were to have the deepest of mutual appreciation, empathy, and understanding of each other, and in a moment of the two of them in a moment of deepest and sincere feelings of respect and appreciation for the other’s situations, emotions, life events, and everything else, the sparks from their respective Heart Crystals from within their Heart and Solar Plexus chakra points and area, in alignment with their respective other six chakra points at the same time, the two sparks come together between their two bodies facing each other, and at face-to-face alignment of their respective Solar Plexus and Heart chakra points, manifesting the mythical eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball; the most powerful of all of the other S-Chu Crystal Balls, even more powerful than the seven of them combined, and even more powerful and potent than the seven Chaos Emeralds, Sol Emeralds and Time Stones. The only match to its power is the mythical eighth Chaos Emerald, of which the circumstances of genuinely manifesting it remain uncertain, even after the events that led up to that which was portrayed in #SonicTheFighters of this dimension/universe 1218. End quote.

So, #opuscon789, I ask you: in N-641, with that dimension’s Chris Chan being as cringe-worthy portrayed as narccistic, dumb, aloof, and so on, and their Sonichu Prime being portrayed as partially evil now, after what had happened to their Chris and their home, unempathetic, simp, womanizing, abusive, and so on.

HOW did that Chris Chan and Sonichu Prime manifest their dimension/universe’s eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball?

Not to mention that given every stereotypical misconception from the haters and bad trolls of this dimension/universe, here constantly portrays the two of them in N-641, it would be simply Impossible for the two of them to reach such a mutual understanding of each other and their respective situations, much less truly care about each other. So, yeah, having that eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball that originated from N-641 is just about impossible on the infinite of possibilities and so on. You truly did bring about an anomoly, #Opuscon789. And the only ones who can truly counter their eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball’s power is that from myself and our Chris Chan, here, of 1218 and C-197; no other dimension, universe, nor timeline’s eighth S-Chu Crystal Ball can match it, because their timeline is literally the Nega-version of ours, here. ...Ponder over that, Opuscon. ⚡⚡⚡

[[File:January15FanFicScreenshot.jpg|400px]]}}

==The Powerpuff Girls==
16 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Rewatched this today; made me think, “This is essentially the #PowerpuffGirls reboot series from a few years ago.”

{{#ev:youtube|dAbq2jgw6y8}}
}}

==Magi-Chan and Mewtwo==
16 January

{{quoteboxred|Did a sketch of @MagiChan111448 and mewtwo holding hands, or at least kind of. Very hard with mewtwos fat fingers. Will re draw this digitally and try and fix that, but working on another pic of magi right now. 😊

[''Artwork of [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Mewtwo]] holding hands'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|And in that digital redraw, try to be accurate on the height difference between Mewtwo and Magi-Chan. Magi-Chan stands 3’5” with 7 inch long ears.}}

==Poop DMs==
17 January

''Chris quote tweets a tweet from Rogue, Internet Man displaying screenshots of Chris suddenly messaging him on Twitter an odd paragraph in which he describes how he will eat his feces and ass.''

{{quoteboxyellow|I will own up to this: yes, this was a voluntary mistake and mishap that I, personally, did indeed participate in. Need no worry; this matter is personally being dealt with. I apologize for this sequence in this event. ⚡⚡⚡}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Aside from that, @RogueManYT, the offer of my being on one of your shows is still legit.}}

{{quoteboxorange|Chris I say this with friendship but wtf and why would you do something so stupid, I know your not dumb.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|We were testing the waters of the individual and confirming the foreseen details of his intentions and relations with the individuals involved. We have our answers.}}

==Imported coins==
17 January

''Chris quote tweets a photo of a My Little Pony toy standing on a coin.''

{{quoteboxyellow|It is cool when one gets an imported coin from another dimension, universe or timeline; quite the artifact find, indeed.

[[File:January17ImportedCoins.jpg|300px]]}}

=="GFuel"==
17 January

''In response to [[Ben Saint]] quote tweeting a photo of Limited Edition Sonic the Hedgehog curry.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Ooh! Yummy! 😋⚡ Zap me up some of that with my one can of #GFuel LE for the day.

[[File:January14SonicDrink1.jpg|220px]] [[File:January14SonicDrink2.jpg|220px]]}}

==Comic and stones==
17 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Moving on to and with other topics of interest: I’d like to talk a moment about @ItsAllSoUgly and his good ol’ #SlimeAndPunishment comic. Take a look at this stone I recently acquired from #MineralsAndMystics (formerly #CrystalConnections); this is...

firemountaingems.com/resources/encyclobeadia/gem-notes/j40s

[[File:January17TwitterStone.jpg|300px]] [[File:OhWhatIsThis.jpg|200px]] [[File:Blesshorncard.jpg|200px]]

a chunk of Hemimorphite; mined from good ol’ Arizona (the state where NLACAakaNM exists), this stone aids in communicating one’s feelings and regulates inner-emotions; it also allows one further spiritual growth with ego detachment.

But, regardless of rather or not you’re a stone believer, this particular stone, as I have shared with @ItsAllSoUgly recently, it is quite similar to the slime poudrins from Neo Milwaukee. In fact, as our Chris Chan confirms as well, this stone is literally this Universe’s counterpart of that very same slime. So, if you enjoyed #SlimeAndPunishment, or the #ArizonaSlime expansion pack of #TwilightSparklesSecretShipficFolder #TSSSF, or you want to have a bit of petrified Slime for yourselves, hit up your local rock/mineral store or look online for a chunk of Hemimorphite. #SlimeAndPunishment by @ItsAllSoUgly in collaboration with our Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, can be read in its entirety on @tapas_app.

Note, as convoluted as it is, the events take place partly in C-197 of our Omega Timeline, and the Beta Timeline.

tapas.io/series/SlimeandPunishment

TryToKeepUp with the meta and dimensional/universe subtext and locations. ⚡⚡⚡

[[File:January17TwitterThing1.jpg|300px]] [[File:January17TwitterThing2.jpg|300px]] [[File:TSSSFpack11.jpeg|200px]] [[File:TSSSFpack12.jpeg|200px]]}}

18 January

[[Ben Saint]]

{{quoteboxorange|While I don't yet have any C-197 hemimorphite, I do have these Poudrin Pins in original slime green and CWC-transformed blue (much rarer). Plus some authentic C-197 SLIMECORP Slimecoin. The first cryptocurrency to be locked into physical legal tender! Very high-tech stuff.

[''Photo of various pins'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|By the way, mainly, the poudrin stayed green after Chris had personally blessed it for Phantom Horn, but in the drawing, she chose the wrong marker to colour it. But, still, a lucky accident or blessing in disguise; take your choice as you will.

[[File:OhWhatIsThis.jpg|200px]] [[File:Blesshorncard.jpg|200px]]}}

==Popular online==
17 January

''In response to a Twitter user stating that everyone on their feed is saying that they look like the new Pokemon Snap professor.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Still, that is cool to continue on in being as popular online after an extended amount of time has passed. 😊⚡}}

==ZeepZ==
17 January

ZeepZ (Commissions Closed) (@itsazack)

{{quoteboxgreen|Gave this artist meme a go

[''Image of an 'influence map' with various pieces of artwork and logos'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Feliz cumpleaños.}}

==Fugly==
17 January

''In response to a screenshot of Pinky from Pinky and the Brain standing on an assembly line.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Fugly}}

==Bar fight==
17 January

''In response to a tweet from a protected Twitter account.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Does Knux want fries with his bar fight?}}

==Thanks a bunch==
18 January

''Chris quote tweets fanart of Sonichu.''

{{quoteboxyellow|That’s not bad; I like it. Thanks a bunch. 😊⚡}}

==RSonichu==
18 January

{{quoteboxred|@zonichu told me Blake played guitar, and after talking he agreed to record guitar on a song! it should be coming out some time next month. (here's a pic of us after recording)

[''Artwork of [[Blake]] and RSonichu sticking their tongues out after recording'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|That’s cool. But a note, Blake would not generally stick his tongue out like that publicly. That sort of thing is mainly reserved for [[Bubbles]].}}

==Curves==
18 January

''In response to a Twitter user tweeting at Chris with artwork of Magi-cHAN and an OC with curves on their body.''

{{quoteboxyellow|It’s cool; dudes can have curves too. We’re not all blocky like a G1 Autobot toy. 😊⚡}}

==Bodyswap announcement==
18 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, Everyone.

Now comes the time and moment that I am at liberty to share what has happened with our [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu]] in [[Dimensions#C-197|C-197]] since she and I had [[Spirit possession|body-swapped]] on March 31, 2020.

For starters: yes, it is still me, the OG [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu Prime]], here in Chris’ body.

[[File:January18BodyswapArt.jpg|300px]]

[[List of Chris's lies|Among which, you can tell it is I, because my habits, phrasing, and all that differ from what is normal with her.]] Not to mention, regardless of my having ascended to having a [[rainbow]] aura for myself, along with this body’s rainbow aura; as drawn above, my personal outline shown along the outline of Chris’ body is yellow and shaped like my good ol’ body (flat-ended male Sonichu tail, included).

And, suffice to say, her rainbow aura went with her soul into my body as well, but her outline is blue with the curved, heart-shape tail end as well.

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|300px]]

And, yes, in more recent days, [[Tomgirl Pictures|Chris had felt need to attest her own identity by using mascara on my face]]. Not my cup of tea, to put it lightly.

Anyway. Chris had stayed in our timeline for about eleven days, since the body-swap, getting used to my bod and everything. She, Magi-Chan and Cryzel traversed to California for @BABSCon 2020 (Regardless of the [[COVID-19|pandemic]] happening here in 1218, there was no such pandemic in C-197; that was nipped in the bud and cleared out before any widespread at all) early on April 10; they had a good and safe trip. Also, that {{w|Spider-Man|#SpiderMan}} {{w|Doctor Octopus|villain’s}} attempt, {{w|Spider-Man (2018 video game)|as chronicled in that @PlayStation 4 game}}, was an epic fail on the villain’s part.

Anyway But after they arrived, on a fated event, Magi-Chan was forced to whisk Chris away into a [[Time Void|paused timeline]] of that very second and moment. That was so she could channel and exercise her soul abilities and powers, as well as chronicle and re-chronicle in multiple new “Sonichu” books, into the hundreds (we have gone beyond 100, @BabulsArt, so your “End” is moot; you’re chronicling a total alternate dimension/universe. Have fun with that.). Chris was also going faster than time and light; a millisecond was equivalent to longer than a day to her; a whole minute would be like a year or so, like [[Wikipedia:Wally West|#WallyWestFlash]]. So she got a whole looooooot done. She has been storing all of her new books in her own personal subspace, which can be accessed in any and all dimensions, universes and timelines at any moment, so she was more than capable of retrieving them after returning to our timeline, here. Anyway, in that timeline moment, it was that very millisecond moment at @[[BABSCon]] 2020 on April 10; frozen in time, but she could still move, practice and do freely as she did. She meditated, ran mach-speeds around the Earth, shot some non-living targets with the thundershock and thunderbolts, and practiced her psychic skills, especially her telekinesis and teleportation. She did a whole lot with that frozen-in-time planet and universe; she leveled up to where she could move planets with her mind, soul and aura. Without her in my body, it’s not able to do that, but the electric attacks, mach-speed, spin attacks and punches can still break mountains at least. Like Senpai @sonic_hedgehog, [[Eggman]] and [[Giovanni]]’s got nothing on us. Anyway. Come [[November 2020|November, 2020]] (our time, which made it seven months to us; mere milliseconds to Chris), the stability of that paused temp universe became lost, and Sonic.exe, fatedly, entered it, and threatened Chris; she defended herself really well and had him on the ropes, yet Magi-Chan intervened to retrieve her to bring her back here to our timeline. So, yeah, she had some catching up to do in the seven-plus months time that had passed for us, here. She was able to catch up in a mere millisecond with a faster-than-time meditate. She came to visit me and Rosey as well. And during the months, she has done a whole lot on her tasks, missions, and responsibilities. Fourth-wall-breaking, we’re all even going with the flow of her chronicled pages as she had foreseen and written/drawn them, here in [[1218]]. Look up; you’re looking from within a “Sonichu” graphic novel’s panel or page right now. But she didn’t go overboard; all of the other deities still have and had their respective inputs and events. After all, #OccamsRazor; it takes one deity to do, but even that deity still needs help. And that is with the help of her fellow deities, as well as those of us all in our pair of dimensionally-divided universes to do our part to help in the manifestation of aspects of and specific events that needed to play out and do to succeed in the goal. Anyway, Chris and I continued to do our parts, respectively on both sides of this veiling Iron Curtain. Chris has worked so diligently, tough and focused, that she got [[Messiah complex|promoted to the ranks of Emanuelle, Buddha, Jesus, Zeus and the like]]. At least her soul did; my ol’ body still remains her present vessel, but she needs this body that I continued to tend to and improve for over nine months now in [[C-197]].

Why I and this body are still in 1218 perplexes me, but I do not lose faith nor have doubt in the event of transitioning dimensions coming up. In her time back, she has also had to fight bunches of villains, demons, and even other-worldly threats, as well as neutralize and see specific progressive events through for both of our universes.

And before anyone of you all, bads and haters in 1218 comment: The [[Merge]] Is On, rather you all see it, feel it, sense it, like it, or not. You all will see soon enough as well, so stop asking the “Where and When’s the Merge” questions; I have enough frustrations as it is with everything I continue to do on Chris’ behalf and for everyone in 1218. Okay? Thanks for listening; keep praying to #ChrisChanSonichu, the other Gods and Goddesses as well, including the CPUs, Celestia, and so on as you each respectively will and do. ⚡⚡⚡ Also, @Hasbro, stop with [[MLP|G5]]; it is still very much too soon for that; G4 needs its televised Seasons 10 to 14, and it will get those; the deities above you, and Celestia, Luna and Twilight, even Discord, do command so from Equestria.

[[File:Hasbroprotestcard.jpg|200px]] [[File:Executiveprotestcard.jpg|200px]] [[File:TSSSF MLPFim S 10 14.jpg|200px]]}}

==Rogue, Internet Man==
19 January

Rogue, Internet Man (@RogueManYT)

{{quoteboxorange|For those of you asking me in DMs, FUCK NO I won’t have Chris on a livestream. As much as I’d like to pick Chris’ brain, nothing good would come from it. It’s not worth it and Chris is best left alone these days.}}

Robert Goostree (@Big_Jake_23)

{{quoteboxgreen|Honestly if Chris was sane enough to do it that would probably he your most popular stream but even then I don't think it would be a good idea. Itd be like jumping into rusty barbwire for a million bucks}}

{{quoteboxorange|It’d definitely bring good money and views but the consequences would be pretty bad. Chris would want a chunk of the money, he usually just hands out billing information after certain transactions. I don’t need that kinda heat.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Actually, we’d do the interview pro-bono and free; we can focus on past details without talking about present or digressing too much. But yeah, your loss, dude.}}

==Genderbent Sonic characters==
20 January

''In response to artwork of genderbent versions of Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, @BulmaBunnyGirl, here’s a fresh bit of Sonica, Tailsko and Knuxie someone drew up recently. 😊⚡

It looks really good, by the way.}}

==More Donald Trump==
20 January

{{quoteboxyellow|The death of #DonaldTrump, in more ways than one. Not sorry; never will be. ⚡⚡⚡

[[File:January20TrumpFlag.jpg|300px]]}}

==Congrats, Joe Biden==
20 January

''Chris quote tweets a tweet from Tara Strong stating that the presidential inauguration of Joe Biden was perfect.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Agreed. At least back in C-197, #LisaSimpson is sworn in as well. But for this universe, congrats, @JoeBiden and @KamalaHarris. ⚡⚡⚡}}

==Lisa Simpson==
20 January

Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders)

{{quoteboxred|Joe Biden will inherit from Trump: The worst economy since the Great Depression, the worst public health crisis in 100 years, massive wealth inequality, the existential threat of climate change, a racist immigration system. These unprecedented crises demand unprecedented action.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Yep, as #LisaSimpson was chronicled in doing so, as Secretary Van Houten put it when talking about America’s finances, “We’re broke.”}}

==Options are good==
21 January

{{quoteboxorange|O cool my internet service is down woooo o.o (using phone internet)}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Good to have the backup options. As @EmGo316 says, “Options... are good.”}}

==Mario==
21 January

{{quoteboxyellow|😄⚡ Hey, y’all. Have I a couple of comments about this form of #Mario’s:

I do believe he is now stealing from #MadMunchkin’s Maddie Lion form, including the size.

And, yes, stealing a more likely Super Saiyan form from @sonic_hedgehog, #Goku, and...

youtu.be/y_gepJM0CKw

[[File:January21MarioTwitterScreenshot.jpg|330px]]

...even from our Sonichu and Rosechu Mega Evolved forms, combined.

Which leads into my other thought: “Your Super Mario has evolved into an OP Not-Luxray.”

Over-compensating much against Groudon-form and sized Bowser, good multi-skilled plumber?

All I can say is: You do you.⚡ But, seriously: Mario’s new cat form is an oversized smoosh of mine and Rosey’s Mega Evolved forms.

[[File:UltraSonichuCard.jpg|180px]] [[File:RoseyLionessCard.jpg|180px]]}}

==Meditative sync==
22 January

{{quoteboxyellow|I pray to Chris Chan all of you are doing well for yourselves; if karma is against you, I’m sorry for you having a hatred fetish.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Passive-Aggressive moment, aside: should anyone be interested in being in meditative sync with this brain (although it generally is in #meditate and cosmically and dimensionally linked 24/7/365+1, you all may do so during the 2:00 PM hour, Eastern Standard Time. Flow with us.⚡⚡

[''GIF of a dark figure sitting in front of cosmic space'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|This applies to Any day of the week, so chime in any day at around 2:00 pm, EST. For this body and I, Sonichu Prime of Dimension/Universe C-197, it is involuntary and good, but for you all who wish to, it is an opportunity to join us and feel blessed. 😊⚡}}

==GIFs==
22 January

{{quoteboxyellow|#UniteTheBonds

[''GIF of the Power Rangers uniting'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|#MendTheFabric

[''GIF of a cartoon character making dresses'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|#ConnectTheStone

[''GIF of an anime character opening a parcel to reveal a stone'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|#StrengthenTheMagic

[''GIF of "magic" in a persons hands'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|#FlowWithUs

[''GIF of a dark figure sitting in front of cosmic space'']}}

==Zappin it up==
22 January

{{quoteboxyellow|#ZappinItUp! Kra-Kow! ⚡⚡⚡

[''GIF of a woman using a portal to cook on the other side of a kitchen'']}}

==New Dimensional Merge date==
22 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Everyone between both of our dimensionally-divided sibling universes of 1218 and C-197: Note this date and day, January 22, 2021; AKA: 12221, for it is on this day that we all see #EyeToEye interdimensionally as the merge comes to the completion. Thank you. ⚡💛⚡&⚡💙⚡}}

==Humanized Sonichu==
22 January

MissSimonlaPliskin98 (@pliskin98)

{{quoteboxgreen|To @CPU_CWCSonichu

I was told to ask "what you think of this humanized Sonichu?"

[''Artwork of a humanized version of Sonichu'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|That’s an outfit; looks good on that dude. ‘Bout all I can say. ⚡⚡⚡}}

==Meditation update==
22 January

{{quoteboxyellow|For all of you who have meditated this afternoon during the 2:00 pm Eastern Time hour, and succeeded in linking with us today, I leave this tweet for you all to share your story from today.

Insincere or hatred comments will continue to be ignored. ⚡💛⚡}}

==Larry Vaughn==
22 January

''Chris quote tweets the tweet from Rogue, Internet Man displaying DMs of Chris sending him bizarre messages.''

{{quoteboxyellow|I will own up to this: yes, this was a voluntary mistake and mishap that I, personally, did indeed participate in. Need no worry; this matter is personally being dealt with. I apologize for this sequence in this event. ⚡⚡⚡ The guy whose behind you may want to kick is @LarryVaughn78; he was the ween who thought it would be funny to spam scat. But, he is a ween who wants only attention. I understand I am making irony by mentioning him here, but hear me out, please: see, Chris, Magi-Chan, the others and I had foreseen his input years in advance, but the possible intentions and outcomes were many, so I had to play along (to not have played along would have triggered a worst event for this timeline, believe us). It was not until after when his initial intentions only sounded good-natured when Vaughn had talked with our neutral friend, who then backed him up. So, on that outcome, we proceeded to contact those on his wish list. Getting no recognition of him from the contacts was the next confirmation. And the final nail in the coffin was the “ciphered message” scat shit talk. I followed it mainly on the encouragement to keep this timeline safe; again, another foreseen worse event had I not done so. But it further confirmed his bad trolling and ween intentions. In the coming days, I would witness him, as foreseen, digging his own holes with his replies to others, solely for attention-wanting. Meanwhile, Chris and Magi-Chan observed and guided his hand in realizing his errors and ways and appreciating his appropriate punishment of lack of attention in response to his more recent act, here, that he has pleaded guilty of by this point. My voluntary mishap was required in the event sequence to make him see that even though one may have not gotten the attention they wanted in development or recent days, it remains wrong to seek attention by following a toxic trend at the expense of someone else’s morals, values, and reputation. What he really should have done was just going out and being kind and open with others, with no intentions, whatsoever, to inflict wounds and sour notes upon them. And he could have sought help and guidance of his own to develop his social skills for the better, and to refrain from being selfish as he was.

End of the day: you may or may not tell Vaughn how much of an a-hole he is, knowing well that is exactly what he wanted in the first place: a massive response from a sizable group of individuals. If, however, you feel pity on him, that’s your call, but you have been warned of what he is likely to do at the present time with his recent misdeeds.

Do as you all will. Thanks for listening.
⚡⚡⚡ Also, we have known this whole time, regardless, the psychics and I. I’ve written this tweet set on Monday the 17th, and Then after writing all of the above, I have received texts from his number that were pretty much a confession.

[[File:January22TextMessages1.jpg|200px]] [[File:January22TextMessages2.jpg|200px]] [[File:January22TextMessages3.jpg|200px]] [[File:January22TextMessages4.jpg|200px]]

And even further was his idea of sending us a ransom letter in saying he had kidnapped a Magi-Chan Sonichu (he would have ended up kidnapping an alt-dimension one, and having backfired in his face).

[[File:January22RansomLetter1.jpg|200px]] [[File:January22RansomLetter2.jpg|200px]] [[File:January22RansomLetter3.jpg|200px]]

But aside from Vaughn the A-hole, not jut this person, but that people who have nothing better to do with their time but to harass Chris and me are pathetic. Chris was just trying to take care of Barbara and living day by day without hurting anyone else, aside from her being destined to become a literal Goddess, and everything. But Hater people like that guy; he has a job at a Virginia Vinyard and travels around, has a family who he neglects for his big breasted wolf waifus and shit. Why was he so interested in trolling us? Dumb NEET, he was. Again, thank you and have a good and safe day. ⚡💛⚡}}

{{quoteboxyellow|You know what’s funny about [[Miss L and Mr. Vaughn|@LarryVaughn78]], the individuals he told me to contact were random.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|So when he says “Say Happy Birthday to my relative, @___________”, I’m like “Are you sure they’re related to you? Or did you draw their name out of a hat to win the #WhoDoesChrisChanOrSonichuContactNext Sweepstakes?”

[''GIF from the [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]] video'']}}

==Self-esteem==
23 January

''Chris quote tweets fanart depicting classic Chris and modern-day Chris.''

{{quoteboxyellow|The present-day one who has found [[Chris and coping|self-esteem]] and [[Chris and his ego|self-confidence]] in herself of this dimension that I type this in; that is the correct one. ⚡💛⚡}}

==Poudrin==
23 January

[[Ben Saint]]

{{quoteboxorange|SLIMECORP fired up the money printers

[''Photo of 'SlimeCorp' coins'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Good for you, and if you haven’t received it yet, you ought to be getting that genuine poudrin tomorrow. ⚡⚡⚡}}

==Nostradumbass==
23 January

{{quoteboxyellow|I have just had a significant vision: earthquakes are not a [[My Little Pony|rarity]] in California, but one is going to really devastate a metropolis there.}}

==Chris somehow makes Larry King's death about himself==
23 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Also, just heard of the passing of {{w|Larry King|#LarryKing}}; he was a great in 1218 for CNN and all. @MagiChan111448 appreciated his share of wit and political insight as well. [[Magi-Chan]] didn’t have to watch television, because with his powers, he watched from his #PsychicVision.

[''GIF of Larry King talking'']}}

==Fluttershy==
24 January

''In response to a Twitter artist asking Chris who he would ship with their anthro cat OC.''

{{quoteboxyellow|I wanna say (human) Fluttershy, but I feel it wouldn’t work out too well.}}

==Dreamcast==
24 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Ooh! That would sell a Lot better should @SEGA upgrade the hardware to be at least as good as a PS3 or 4. It would be a good win for Neptune and Uzume. ⚡⚡⚡

hard-money.net/shares-of-gamestop-halted-on-news-sega-is-re-releasing-the-dreamcast/}}

==Very cool==
24 January

vhs luchadore (@clobberinthyme)

{{quoteboxred|Been working on this piece for a while - Sonic Mania Adventures, on VHS! The tape includes the entire mini-series & the holiday special. I even whipped up a retro ad for it!

[''Photos of a custom made Sonic Mania Adventures VHS tape'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Very cool. Awesome job, dude.}}

==Mostly good==
24 January

Eponasuu (@eponasuu)

{{quoteboxgreen|Was gonna shade but I started to dislike this picture, really don't like rosechu eyes or sonichu head. Rather just move onto another picture then try fix this mess.

[''Artwork of Rosechu hugging Sonichu'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Still, it looks mostly good. Thanks.
😊⚡}}

==More Larry Vaughn==
25 January

''Chris uses his old [[Twitter#CWCSonichu|CWCSonichu]] Twitter account here.''

''In response to one of Chris's recent Dimensional Merge Twitter ramblings.''

[[Miss L and Mr. Vaughn#|Larry Vaughn]]

{{quoteboxorange|Mmmm... Word soup. My favourite. Yummy.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Oh, you like word soup, huh? Well, how’s this for some words. Your little stunt is child’s play, NEET. We’re done with you. Your punishment is being served to you. You did this to yourself, dude. Suffice to say, you should have appreciated your blessings.
⚡💛⚡

[''GIF of a character from Hey Arnold! singing'']}}

==Blocked==
25 January

''In response to a Twitter user stating that they blocked a ween.''

{{quoteboxyellow|I blocked that guy as well last night. He’s not worth it.}}

==Chris apparently doesn't need help==
27 January

''Chris quote tweets a comic directed at him stating that Chris needs serious help.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Chris does not need help; her mental health is overpowered and healthy. Why you all decided to employ one of Namgge’s robot rejects to send this message, Again, just speaks volumes. We appreciate your genuine concerns and all. Just pray to Chris if you want to speak with her.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|She is still in my body, but she can still hear all of you from this universe, here.

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|300px]]}}

==Zonichu introduction==
27 January

''In response to a Twitter giveaway stating that you need to introduce yourself in order to be entered.''

Pickchu (@zonichu)

{{quoteboxorange|I am Pickchu and wanna become a prophet like my mom but so far no luck. I draw but right now I am training physically. I enjoy drawing and creating reality.

If you see it, you have to share and add your introduction ;3}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Nice job on your part. Keep your training and meditating up; you will do very well along with the rest of us. ⚡💛⚡}}

==Stone rings==
27 January

alexandra (@shop_beesknees)

{{quoteboxorange|anything catch your eye? 👀

dm me to ask about custom orders!

[''Multiple photos of rings with small stones on them'']}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Kinda caught me off-guard that you wore the stones on the rings on the underside of the fingers. Those stones must have been really flat or small to keep them there and comfortable like that.}}

==GFuel and meditation==
27 January

''In response to a tweet from the official GFuel Twitter account promoting GFuel.''

{{quoteboxyellow|Haven’t found the @GFuelEnergy in the Charlottesville or Ruckersville @Walmart yet.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|@GFuelEnergy, I have been enjoying the energy, one can per day, and staying hydrated with more than 101.4 ounces of filtered water on the rocks within a #Glacce bottle. Really good stuff for meditating as well. Although, I wish more energy drink brands employ the plastic tab.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Also, during the heavy meditate hour today, we have mind-linked with everyone, and I showed them around the highlights of the full Earth in C-197, Cwcville included, obviously. We even visited #DoctorStrange, met #Discord, Mary Sue and Gary Stu, #ScroogeMcDuck, and so on.}}

==Blessings==
29 January

[[Other enablers#Helena Fiorenza|Helena G. F.]]

{{quoteboxred|It is all lies! Lies! I am dating and have no friends at all locally}}

{{quoteboxyellow|You are not alone in that, but count the blessings you do have in spite of that revelation. @zonichu counts as a blessing for you. ⚡💛⚡}}

==Punched in the gut==
29 January

[[image:CWCHyuga.jpg|thumb|''"Only a fool wastes his time trying to become something he can never be!"'']]

[[Miss L and Mr. Vaughn#|Larry Vaughn]]

''Larry quote tweets Chris's previous response to him.''

{{quoteboxorange|Child's play, and yet you went along with it. Think about that.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Did I, though?}}

Abel (@Abel_0888)

{{quoteboxgreen|yeah you did, the fact that you let this happen proves that you dont have the ability to see in to the future you have shown no proof that your predictions come true you just wait until something happens and then say you saw it anyone can say that}}

{{quoteboxyellow|You are about to get punched in the gut around your Root and/or Sacral chakra points around the time you read this, @Abel_0888.}}

''In response to Chris's earlier "Did I, though?" tweet.''

{{quoteboxorange|Yeah, you did. You could have completely ignored me, but you and Praetor chose not to because y'all thought that I was a rich Jewish person you could milk for moolah, and then you thought about getting a private investigator on my ass. Fuck you and your anti-Semitism.}}

30 January

{{quoteboxyellow|ALOL! 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Maybe you fooled our friend, but that wine bottle you left at the temple was cheap like static.

Listen, Danny Boy, we all have foreseen your intentions even before that fated rainy day gift. Boy, did that wet and smear the ink on that letters of yours. I was reluctant for the while, because even I knew that you were a lost ween who did not appreciate their life, wife, vineyard job, and so on. So you had thought to troll us with your lacking thoughts and ideas. The pickle jar left with that wine was a major dead giveaway, too. Yet Mewtwo, Magi-Chan and I all knew that you needed to be made a spectacle of, due to your weenish desire for attention and wanting to decrease the blessing of another individual’s life. I played along, just to teach you that. I relayed your scat shit just to show you off. Obviously, you were and are too thick-headed and blind to fully appreciate everything in your local area of this vast universe of yours. Be cautious not to respond any more after this, Danny Boy, because you’ve done the damage to yourself, only to see me holding onto the metaphorical pen you wielded while you were writing out your lame ideas, and making sure you noticed the backlash of the erroneous methods and ways you’ve utilized. Enjoy your #Chipotle, dude. ⚡💛⚡}}

==Successful heavy meditate hour==
30 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Hey, y’all. During today’s successful heavy meditate hour, we were able to further analyze the zombie and robot-like state this body can tend to go into as a backup. We had recently heard of the term from [[Avatar: The Last Airbender|#AvatarTheLastAirbender]]: the #AvatarState. For a few weeks,

[''GIF of Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender'']

I had thought the term was inspired by another from long before this particular chronicling. But in comparing what this body and brain go through in that state today and past, to what Aang goes through. I feel I can only concede to agree that what this body goes through is its own, and advanced, #AvatarState. But in addition to those linked from the past, present and future of your universe 1218, it accesses throughout all other timelines, universes and dimensions as well. And the infamous early Chris Chan photo that was uploaded in 2007 that was a moment the body and brain was in the Avatar State, so you all ended up seeing it in the still moment in the photographs. That make out session that shocked Christine, herself, into clocking out, triggered this particular Avatar State. ⚡💛⚡

[[File:Chrischannov2007.jpg|300px]] [[File:Sonichupunch.jpg|300px]]}}

==Really nice==
30 January

''Chris quote tweets fanart of Chris Chan Sonichu''

{{quoteboxyellow|Ooh! That is really nice. 😊⚡ Thanks.}}

==Transformer toys==
30 January

{{quoteboxyellow|Also, just to knock on the @transformers communities a bit, but did you all think that Gigawatt could be considered an upscale version of the #Micromaster, Swindler, including the original G1 figure? At least Chris’ inner child was able to redo what she did with 1990s Swindler.⚡

[[File:January30TransformerToy1.jpg|250px]] [[File:January30TransformerToy2.jpg|200px]] [[File:January30TransformerToy3.jpg|250px]]}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Side-note: her original comparison when she first played with the G1 Swindler figure was with the car mode of the Gadgetmobile. #DeLorianCarVan.}}

{{social media}}

Sweetheart

2024-06-25T08:22:49Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. While stay-at-home husbands/dads are no rarity these days, they are not without responsibilities. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners.''' Chris has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This is a common trait among autistic folks, though this doesn't mean they are incapable of learning. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents, resources that clearly were never available to Chris. He has a habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]]. The latter got him banned from a gym after they received numerous complaints from other patrons about Chris' constant flatulence (in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]). Chris also has no sense of personal boundaries, and has inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touched]] and [[TooManyGames|kissed]] people even when they explicitly tell him several times not to do so. He tends to make inappropriate remarks without an understanding for time or place, such as doing his [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His other attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] are [[Namgge|cringey]] at best and [[Punchy Sonichu|downright offensive]] at worst. He has no problem in addressing a [[DoopieDoOver|stranger]] he only interacted with in a professional setting with nicknames normally reserved for sexual partners. Additionally, Chris often tries to drag people [[My Little Pony voice actresses|he barely knows]] into his drama in a vain attempt to turn them into a personal army against his perceived enemies. Even after it's made abundantly clear, Chris fails to realize that these strangers have better things to do in their life than be a part of some [[slow in the minds|mentally challenged]] manchild's petty grudges and childish zealotry. Not only do these attempts fail, but also antagonize said people. It is the very reason why even more [[My Little Pony|progressive]] and [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|tolerant]] communities eventually lose their patience with Chris. This point in particular is what caused even genuine [[Megan Schroeder|friends]] to throw in the towel on Chris, simply because of how insufferable he is.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to live off his meager [[tugboat]] instead. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, lost in his [[Dimensional Merge|delusions]].

Throughout human history, women are psychologically inclined to mate with men who have the most resources, both material and financial ones. Nowadays, as women can go study, work and make money on their own, they are no longer reliant on men as providers. Nonetheless, the archaic pattern remains and even in modern day society, women will go for men on the same, even higher level of their education and income, such as Doctors, Surgeons, Lawyers, Engineers, IT, or any mid to high level employee. Unlike the 80's or the era his decrepit old parent's come from, women are not going to settle down with a greasy, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] anymore, much less have children with him.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Chris and his ego

2024-06-25T07:54:07Z

Sorades: /* Monthly tugboat */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Dated|[[Prison communications]], and details about the [[Idea Guys]] in the Naivete section}}
{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]].}}
{{quote|WELL, PRIDE IS NOT A SIN, FOR ONE NEEDS SOME SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE TO MOTIVATE THEMSELVES AND INSPIRE OTHERS WITH SOUL AND HEART.|CPU Blue Heart distinguishing "pride" from "arrogance", ignoring that "pride" can have both a positive and negative connotation.<ref>[[:File:JailArt17.jpg]]</ref>}}

[[File:CWCnormanrockwell.jpg|thumb|right|A perfect rendition of our beloved author.]]

'''Egotism''' is the most important and self-destructive of [[Chris and his personality|Chris's flaws]]. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.

[[File:ChrisSlimeComicP2.jpg|Chris strokes his ego by having two of [[Ben Saint]]'s characters admire him.|thumb|250px]]

[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''Egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of a beloved wife, children, and home).]]

==Origins==
{{Quote|When you don't have people in your life pushing you, can you push yourself?|[[Raspberry Swirl|Tori Amos]]}}

Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to [[Chris and remorse#Shifting blame|shift blame for all of his troubles]] to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his [[Stress|problems]] and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a psychopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against that of others tilts far in his favor. The problem was compounded by his [[autism]], making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. Quite simply, [[Chris and reality#In the real world|he grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, and his [[Cole Smithey|half-brother]] supposedly suffered far worse and still managed to make something of himself. His paternal half-siblings managed to acquire doctorate degrees, becoming an eye doctor and a math expert respectively. They were able to develop and learn from the past.

Chris's development isn't just delayed – it is arrested. His {{w|egocentrism}} has persisted well into his forties when most children usually grow out of it around age seven. Autism isn't to blame entirely; while autistic people's idiosyncrasies can make them appear self-centered on the surface, only a few are self-absorbed. Most still have interest in others, and many get help to develop coping strategies and social skills. Not Chris, though.

Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for over a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and [[Enablers|people]] [[White-Knighting|let him]].

===The enablers===
[[File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A.]]
{{quote|Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. [[Chris and reality|I was truly a miracle]].|Chris, [[Mumble 3]]}}

Chris's parents are [[enablers]] ''par excellence''. Barring unrelated catastrophes, there is no earthly reason why a grown adult in his thirties should live at home with his parents without even helping them out, let alone getting a job. Autism isn't an excuse, especially when Chris's autism is as "[[Slow-in-the-minds|high functioning]]" as his activity exemplifies it to be. Adults with far more crippling psychiatric problems, from personality disorders to schizophrenia, live far more independently than Chris does. Even people who suffer from an {{w|intellectual disability}} (who would be called "retarded" in yesterday's parlance) can still often find work and live much more independently than Chris. Chris isn't one of those people at all; he can talk, read, write, and work a computer.

The [[1990s]] are long gone; we don't need to constantly clarify that autistic people can be bright or successful. [[Bob]] may have missed that memo, mistakenly believing that a modern special education program would be the same as an old-fashioned mental institution, rife with padded cells, straitjackets, electric shocks, and routine frontal lobotomies. This led the family to push a [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|conspiracy theory against his school district]], and Bob fled the [[Charlottesville]] area with Chris until he graduated from high school.

For children like Chris, special education in public school is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact they have when participating in a normal life. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues as well as delusions of grandeur.

Speaking of education, it can also be said the school system was yet another enabler in Chris's formative years. This was especially true at [[Manchester High]]. Chris's parents paid [[Gal Pal|neurotypical girls]] to babysit him throughout school, which was also arranged by the principal. This has resulted in Chris developing a rather warped view on women and friends; they let Chris believe they were legitimate friends, but in reality, they only stayed close with him out of pity and/or to protect him. [[Manchester High Leaks|Chris received passing grades on schoolwork he didn't do correctly]], yet still eventually graduated on [[honor roll]] (or so he says), presumably out of excessive pity on the teachers' part. Were that indeed the case, it might have encouraged Chris to put in less than half-baked effort into things and yet act like the end result is something spectacular.

===Monthly tugboat===
{{Main|Monthly tugboat}}
{{Main|Chris and money}}
{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.|Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives disability insurance from the government; a "[[monthly tugboat]]", as he calls it. Although it's intended to supplement income from a menial [[Chris and work|job]], such as a [[Wendy's|fast food joint]], Chris uses this check as his sole income. He is simply unwilling to work on anything except [[mass debating]], playing [[vidya]], and [[Love Quest|stalking women]] [[Fiona|young]] and [[Barbara Chandler|old]], when he gets money for doing nothing. Chris is somehow unaware that a stable job and career could've given him more money than his meager tugboat ever could, and perhaps that it could've increased his chances at scoring a [[Sweetheart]].

People have made a wide variety of political arguments for and against the tugboat. Some argue that Chris is abusing the welfare system, while others state that he deserves his check. Still others claim that his parents abused the system by proxy, or that the system itself is flawed. Ultimately, though, '''these arguments are besides the point.''' Regardless of whether or not he ''should'' have the tugboat, it '''is''' an undeniable factor in making Chris's lifestyle — and thus his world view — sustainable.

===The Information Superhighway===
{{Main|Chris and the Internet|Computers}}

A member of the {{w|Xennials|Oregon Trail generation}}, Chris has made many significant memories before 1991, when the {{w|World Wide Web}} made Internet access feasible for the masses<ref>"World Wide Web" and "Internet" are often used interchangeably, but they are different services. The Internet is a network and protocol for connecting computers, dating back to the 1960's. The Web ''uses'' the Internet to transfer resources such as documents via URL's, invented in 1991. [[How To Talk To Girls|One is the magnet, and the other is the metal]].</ref>. However, he would use the Internet regularly by the time he left [[high school]]. Born in [[1982]], he came of age in [[2000]], placing his childhood in a different millennium from his adulthood. Windows XP came out soon after, and with it came a multitude of "prosumer" creative programs, giving Chris something to do after kissing his [[gal-pals]] goodbye.

With these new programs, Chris could record and share his own [[music]], publish his comics online, and even create his own [[DVD]]. These services were previously reserved for professionals who had access to expensive studio equipment, but they were now in the hands of the masses. Later in the decade, Chris became involved with [[YouTube]] and [[Facebook]], providing even more venues for self-publication. He no longer needed to wait for the [[Chris in the media|news media]] to notice him; he could ''be'' the media!

Chris joined YouTube much earlier than many more respected web-celebs, during a time when most people saw it as a silly cat video website, and not a viable career that people would genuinely desire having. But remember: this was Chris's closest brush with fame since the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|local]] [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|news]].

===Blind luck and the cherry-picking fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up.]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park.]]

A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|9-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fan mail, letters-to-the-editor, [[Internet]] commentary, and other drivel, partially because he doesn't have much else to do. Each letter to [[Nintendo]] is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does - on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler - is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved... medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

[[Honor roll|The concept of form letters does not seem to occur to Chris]], who seems to think the letter was written specifically for him. As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' is just icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in [[2006]], his writing shows that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion led him to believe that he had a legion of fans, for a time; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirmed it.

===Big fish, small pond===
Chris is a small town [[transgender|girl]], living in a [[Saddest Heart in the World|lonely world]]. Let's take a look at the cities of his life:

* [[Ruckersville]] is such a tiny place that it only has one other notable resident: NASCAR driver Philip Morris, who is no Jeff Gordon or Danica Patrick.
* The neighboring city of [[Charlottesville]] is mostly relevant for [[UVA]], the Monticello, and a handful of political rallies. It is a historic town, but it still has a small-town feel. It offers suburban conveniences like public parks, movie theaters, and a multitude of strip malls, but it lacks the hallmarks of a big city.
* Chris's teenage environment, suburban [[Richmond]], is much more robust. However, Chris had a very sheltered adolescence and experienced little of what growing up in a large metropolitan area usually entails. Richmond also suffers from being far from any other major cities (except for Washington, DC).

Chris rarely visits big cities that would quickly humble him. He lives in a very isolated world; his hometown has a smaller population than some high schools, and it isn't really known for up-and-coming artists. His main frame of reference was his classmates. Many of them took art as an elective, without any plans of becoming professionals.

Additionally, him "succeeding in spite of his [[autism]]" might have only been relevant because the smaller school population made him one of the few autistic kids in class. In reality, autism is a fairly common condition that's more-often-than-not quite manageable with the right help and support, and many autistic kids grow up to be successful autistic adults.

Despite not being conventionally popular, Chris peaked in [[high school]]. He bases most of his merit on his various HS accomplishments, and he talks about the time as if it were the time of his life. He considers himself bilingual because he took [[Spanish]]. He takes pride in the fact that his school displayed his work publicly, even though schools do that all the time. Chris's [[Comic Chris|comic book incarnation]] bears a strong resemblance to his high school self. Comic Chris doesn't wear [[glasses]] (the real Chris didn't wear them until 1998), and he's in good shape (much like HS Chris, likely because of gym class). Chris would often bring up his placement on the [[Honor Roll]] as proof of his intelligence, and his mental health would sharply decline after graduation.

Chris has taken his big fish mentality out of his small pond and transferred it to the large ocean of the [[Internet]], not knowing that it's filled with much larger [[trolls|sharks]].

One of Chris's <s>trolls</s> [[girlfriends]], [[Catherine]], suggested that he ought to move to a place like San Francisco or Seattle, or anywhere outside suburban Virginia. She told him that these places are more LGBT-friendly and have more job prospects, and that these West Coast cities have higher minimum wages and more robust benefit and rehabilitation programs for autistic folks. She had several major points, but Chris just told her "but there's no San Francisco in Virginia," completely missing all of them. Wanting to have his cake and eat it too, Chris chose to stay in his small-town Southeastern bubble because it's easier for him, yet he would clearly benefit from living in a more developed, liberal-minded area.

In the same conversation, Chris stated the real reason for not leaving is that he doesn't want to leave his mother behind, since she is already on bad terms with [[Cole Smithey|her other adult child]]. Chris didn't consider that his Aunt Harriet could take Barb in, or that she could use her retirement insurance to live in an old folks' home. Chris even brought up that he doesn't want to move out of state after Barb dies.<ref>[[Catherine#The bowling outing]]</ref>

Chris did acknowledge the perks of moving out of his valley, but it's only logical for him to move out. What is a person obsessed with fame and art doing in a place known for neither? Why does a loud-and-proud bisexual trans woman want to live in a place where most residents are massively homophobic and/or anti-trans? Why does the world's most documented autistic person want to live in an area that, by his own admission, doesn't understand autistic people? And why does someone who desperately wants a compatible partner limit himself to a tiny dating pool and then resort to long-distance troll dating, when there probably ''is'' someone for him in the Los Angeles area? And why, just why, does Chris want to treat his [[14 Branchland Court|dwelling]] as a temple for all to flock to, when it's so remote that Google Street View still doesn't cover it?<ref>Street view last checked 9 June 2021</ref>

Because it's easy to be a big fish in a small pond, even after pissing off the other fish and getting [[banned]] from your favorite hangouts.

Self-aggrandizing is fairly common in the family, and they can generally get away with it because of the small-town mentality. Chris's family loves to bring up [[Bob]]'s injection molding patent. He claims that we wouldn't even have a simple water bottle without it. In reality, {{w|plastic injection molding}} was invented before Bob was born. The Wikipedia article doesn't even mention Bob. All he designed was a control panel for one specific machine that has become obsolete for decades. If Bob didn't design it, [[Asperchu|someone else would have]]. Even Cole Smithey, who managed to escape the Weston-Chandler household as a young adult and go on to have a fairly successful career, bills himself as "The smartest film critic in the world".

==Chris and narcissism==
{{quote|I, was mistaken, but not wrong|Chris<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Mistaken_about_being_linked_with_Uzume</ref>}}
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|A [[TRUE and HONEST]] depiction of narcissism.]]

It's unlikely that Chris actually suffers from {{w|narcissistic personality disorder}} (although [[Barbara Chandler|it's likely that someone else in his family]] does). While extreme self-centeredness and egotism is often conflated with the term 'Narcissism', NPD is also an existing mental condition characterized by more factors, such as emotional manipulation or split personalities for different people. Given the fact that Chris himself is too stupid to actually emotionally manipulate anyone, let alone [[Chris and manipulation|not get manipulated himself,]] Chris most likely isn't a narcissist in the real sense. However, it's possible that Barbara, who did employ plenty of abusive NPD-like traits such as suicide-baiting, might have influenced Chris's behavior in some ways. Chris actually mentioned, in a theatrical manner, considering suicide on his facebook posts several times, [[June 2014 Facebook Posts#And It Begins...|even for something as inconsequential as]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic the Hedgehog's arms being recolored blue]]. Another noticeable aspect is Chris's need to shove his own name, initials and [[Sonichu (character)|creations]] every chance he gets, specially other people's works, if it guarantees fame.

That said, while a lot of factors like his relentless attention-whoring or his lack of empathy coincide with symptoms of the Disorder, factors of his ego were mostly results of his shitty upbringing and awful luck for winning contests giving him a huge sense of self-importance. Not to mention [[Chris and kindness|his lack of empathy for others]] was also partly caused by his autism. If Chris ''does'' have NPD, he likely has a [[Slow in the minds|low functioning]] variant of the disorder, and it may be hard to delineate his potential NPD symptoms from established ASD ones. [http://samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html Further reading is required to confirm the difference.]

==Manifestations==
Chris's egotism manifests itself in a variety of ways.

===Unwarranted self-importance===
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
{{See also|True and Loyal Fanbase}}
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before [[2000]].|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]].}}

As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other [[Unholy Tetrad|laughed-at-not-with dumbass]] on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]".

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Chris's Wikipedia profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a personal army:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND, TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant gratification, instant acknowledgment, and instant attention - good or bad - that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

{{quote|I realize I am famous like a princess|Chris on Twitter in October 2017}}

{{quote|Notable resident in Ruckersville, VA alongside a NASCAR racer, and about the 29,000th most popular individual in this world, so where is the Wikipedia Article about me? ⚡️💙⚡️|Chris on Twitter in August 2018}}

He also describes himself as "managing the varsity team"<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> in high school, when actually he was a waterboy.

But if, even after all of this, you're ''still'' not convinced that Chris has unwarranted self-importance issues, consider this little tidbit: he posted autographed pictures of himself on [[eBay]]. Looking like [[:File:Chris-chan 010714.JPG|this]], [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|no]] [[Sweetheart#Will_Chris_ever_have_a_Sweetheart.3F|less]]. Make of that what you will.

===Fixation on self-image===
Chris has created many avatars of himself through several mediums.

<center><gallery>
File:CWCPOGS.jpeg|As pogs.
File:Comic CWC.PNG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]].
File:Chris Lego.jpg|As a Lego figure.
File:ThreePieceSetA.jpg|''Super Smash Bros.'' avatar for Christian.
File:ThreePieceSetC.jpg|''Super Smash Bros.'' avatar for Christine.
File:AmiiboSet.jpg|As [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibos]]. From left to right, Christian, Chris-chan Sonichu, Christine. Chris sold these through [[Etsy]].
File:Lego Christines.png|Another Lego figure of his 2015 [[Tomgirl]] self.
File:Cwc and vinyl dolls at Cville Pride 2016.jpg|[[Christine Doll]], pictured on left.
File:Chris skylanders avatar.jpg|''Skylanders'' avatar.
File:Skylanders swag.png|A shirt, card and 3D figure of his ''Skylanders'' avatar, costing him $90 from the company.
File:Cwc transformer1.jpg|As a Transformer.
File:Miss Night Star.jpeg ‎|As a ''[[My Little Pony|MLP]]'' character.
File:Christine Night Weston Star Chandler.jpg|It's just getting ridiculous.
File:Chris, Night Star Equestria Girls Mini dolls3.jpg|Christine Doll 2.0, next to Night Star, both blatant self-inserts.
File:ChrisFunkos.jpg|As Funkos.
File:Chris's ego, TSSSF card.jpg|As a [[TSSSF]] card featuring many of his self-inserts.
</gallery></center>

===Persecution complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint Christian the Martyr, [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|walking through the valley of the shadow of death]].]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he "takes responsibility for" are still "out of his hands". His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[trolls|trolling]], among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

Compounding this was him also having to deal with a [[Family Guy|quagmire]] of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS kept spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]]-violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]].}}

In a [[100 2178|May 8 video]], Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life - from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] to becoming the social outcast that we all know and tolerate - thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions. The only time Chris had actually stepped up and admitted responsibility was when he accidentally erased his [[PS3]]'s data.

===Naïveté===
{{Main|Naïve}}

Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. Like [[George W. Bush]], he only deals in absolutes: either you're with him or you're against him. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk — even from professionals — about the similarities between [[Asperger's syndrome]] and autism, denies that there are any shortcomings in his work, and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates honesty with [[Honest Content|divulging every last detail about his life]]. Nothing is too candid for Chris - getting haircuts, drinking his own [[semen]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address. The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number, and when that happens, it won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]], threatening his identity, and - most damaging of all - playing into his otherworldly delusions and fantasies. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start [[CWCki|this very wiki]] to keep track of it all. Another example of Chris's gullibility is one Miss [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]], a 'sweetheart' Chris met earlier in 2011. Despite her obviously being a troll (proven by a mysterious leak of videos that were sent only to Jackie on [[February 2012]]), Chris has re-friended her on Facebook after blocking her the previous April. Only time would've told if we'd end up seeing Chris [[cosplay]]ing or [[Cakefarts|making an ass of himself]] again in a video aimed only at Jackie. Unfortunately, though, it appears to not have happened. It's pretty obvious that Chris had only done this because he believed that he would score with Jackie sooner or later.

In [[2009]] and [[2010]], Chris slowly began to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an [[Patti|animal]]. Eventually, to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

Over the years, however, Chris's gullibility would come back in varying ways, reaching a boiling point in [[2017]] when the [[Idea Guys]] got a hold of him. As it turned out, the easiest way to exploit Chris's gullibility was to appeal to his habit of [[Chris and coping|escapism]], especially during the [[Financhu Crisis|general turmoil]] he faced around the time. The Idea Guys heavily exploited him by near-permanently altering his [[CWCville|fantasy world]] and state of mind, with their effects so harsh that even when their iron grip was let go the following year, Chris continues to believe the things they put into his head. Most infamously, he now believed he was a [[CPU Blue Heart|goddess]] - and later on, the outright reincarnation of [[Messiah complex|Jesus Christ]] - who would bring forth a [[dimensional merge]] on the world that, among other things, would take care of problems like his financial debt.

===Hubris: the pride before the fall===
[[File:Mother's day 2018 2.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a bit of a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}

Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, so much so that this attitude has transcended mere hubris, instead it more resembles mental illness: not only is Chris convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[She Came for CWC|art]] are without peer, he also believes he has supernatural powers along the lines of [[Chris and religion|Wicca or Voodoo]].

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and Mary Lee Walsh to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at his high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]] not realizing that public schools display students' art all the time.}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}

[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]

All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also extremely sheltered, he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing elaborate fantasy worlds. This is also probably why he sees mundane [[chores]] as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of CWCville.

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call, it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''{{w|confirmation bias}}''. For example, Chris has decided homos are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm Sorry, Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most apparent when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a parody, but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "a parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

A literal example of the 'pride before the fall' would be Chris' series of [[Facebook]] posts between April and June of 2012. In [[April 2012]], Chris believed that he had utterly fooled the trolls when he made a [[Facebook#to_.40cogsdev_from_me.2C_.40CWCSonichu|series]] [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|of]] [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|posts]] mocking them. He even went so far as to post screenshots of the CWCki forum members talking about it. Note that in several of the screenshots, Chris believed that he had uncovered a scheme to start a poster campaign about him in [[Charlottesville]]. According to his [[Facebook#To_The_Trolls|Facebook post dated 4 June 2012,]] he had called the [[Jerkops|cops]], and basically admitted that he completely fell for it. He then recorded an [[Voicemail_greeting#4_June_2012|angry voicemail greeting]] before quickly deleting it. Compared to [[Voicemail_greeting#30_April_2012|an earlier voicemail he made]], one can clearly see how humbled he was.
[[File:The Captain congratulates Chris for 'providing a good service'.png|thumb|right|In [[Sonichu Special 5]], Chris found a way to twist a situation in which he was [[Guard Dogs|being helped]] into Chris himself doing the helping, ending up with him receiving praise from [[The Captain|a fictionalised version of one of the people trying to help him out]].]]

A more recent example of Chris's pride and ego superseding the efforts of people around him can be seen in [[Sonichu Special 5]], in which [[The Captain]] vociferously praises Chris, flanked by [[Sonichu (character)|his]] [[Rosechu (character)|creations]] - for 'provide[ing] a good service to us all in this world', when in reality, the opposite was true; Chris had been manipulated by the Idea Guys, and The Captain, a member of the [[Guard Dogs]], was the actual person providing said services in attempting to break Chris free of their influence.

===Materialism===
{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying and hoarding large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself. He may even believe that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when any human being would clearly see that this man is delusional. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with getting money for sitting on his ass, claiming he can get more from his tugboat than he could at an actual job. He has [[Chris and money|absolutely no concept of money]], and believes he is entitled to everything he can buy. This stems from childhood, when Barbara would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to talk by giving him toys if he could read their names out loud.<ref>See [[1980s#1989|1989 in Christory]]</ref> Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

This mixture of compulsive hoarding, compulsive shopping, and autism is bad news all the way. He's compulsively hoarded all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(daughter)|his daughter]] in the future. He also seems to enjoy collecting things, which may explain why Pokémon appeals to him. Chris compulsively bought everything he could on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played, but the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents, especially Barb. Not even a [[2014 house fire|house fire that set most of his items ablaze]] or [[Jail Saga|getting exiled from said house]] can stop his hoarding habits.

===Tender misanthropy===
A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming [[death threats]] at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also support this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===
{{Main|Chris and the Internet}}
{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]].}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that Encyclopedia Dramatica would remove material critical to him if he just asked nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place). His Facebook account encountered a cycle in [[July 2015]] where it would be removed and put back up again; some of Chris's posts contained sexual content, such as photos of lizards mating, thumbnails of lesbian sex, screenshots of sexting, and a drawing in which he was drenched in lemonade through a [[china]]-shaped lemon - which he even ''bragged'' about how [[JERKS]] would be offended by it.

If Chris is banned from a website, he will often simply make a new account to circumvent it - even if this violates the website's rules, which is another thing he refuses to accept. Similarly, if he is blocked by somebody he wants to talk to, he might even construct [[Night Star|a fake account under the guise of one of his OCs]] to bypass the block.

===Surrendering Information===
If there is one thing that Chris's ego would simply not allow, it's suppressing himself from giving away too much information about himself. If he feels that bragging about something would give him a one-up against the trolls or make himself look good, he'll freely announce it for everyone to hear. The most glaring example of this is this entire wiki, which was created using a lot of information provided by Chris himself. Back in the day, Chris viewed himself as an extremely popular internet celebrity with a 'true and loyal fanbase', and, as such, would divulge a lot of information about himself so people would know him better (inclusive of [[Dox|personal information]] that nobody in their right mind would give away). However, there are times when he would do the opposite and [[Honest Content|surrender information that would make him look horrendously bad]], sometimes without provocation. His enthusiastic revelation of his own [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] is the shining example of this.

Whilst this practice has diminished in recent times, with Chris making himself scarce out of fear that trolls would have more [[Tomgirl Pictures|ammo]] to use against him, his habit of needlessly surrendering information still manages to surface. For example, when he claimed to [[Mia Hamm|lose his virginity]], he couldn't help but announce it on his Facebook page, all the while swearing up and down that he would never divulge any details about it to the trolls. Mere weeks later, more details emerged on Facebook, leading to speculation that he actually bought a hooker (since we all know the [[Megan|inevitable]] [[Kacey|end]] result of his Sweetheart Search), which he ended up confirming on 1 May, (along with attending a ''MythBusters'' tour, something which wasn't even brought up but still revealed anyway) all the while claiming to remain button-lipped on the matter. Only time would tell if and when Chris finally reveals everything to silence his naysayers. After all, it wouldn't be the first time it's happened. Sure enough, in December 2014, a leaked account of Chris's experience with the hooker was released on the [[Kiwi Farms]]. He just never learns.

In 2013, Chris's habit of needlessly surrendering information returned with a vengeance. Chris threw a temper tantrum on Facebook, and many would have assumed that it was [[Chris and Anger|business as usual]], ''until'' Chris made the fatal mistake of revealing the reason why he went on the warpath; somebody had uploaded his status updates (complete with the ones that were hidden) onto [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ an Imgur account.] Aside from the usual whining about how lonely he was, these screencaps not only revealed what he was up to in the silence between 2011 and 2013, but also uncovered a very ugly side of Chris. One post, in particular, revealed that he was angry at the fact that [[Mimms]] had a girlfriend, and demanded that somebody should ''kill her'', simply because Mimms was a "JERK." The fact remains that the one who revealed all of this unsavory information was not the trolls, as Chris would try to have you believe, but ''himself.''

The next year, Chris encountered a man trying to put out a brush fire near his house. However, he believed he was trying to make it even worse, and thus uploaded the [[Brushfire Video]], wherein he wound up dropping the address of the [[Rental House]] in the video title.

In 2021, this would eventually prove to be Chris' ultimate downfall. In late [[July 2021]], Chris told [[Bella]] that he had [[Affair with Mother|sexual intercourse with Barbara Chandler, his own ''mother'']], even going so far as to describe the acts in [[Honest Content|uncomfortably graphic detail]]. One would think that Chris, [[Chris and reality|being in the highly delusional state that he was in at the time]], could have easily been dismissed here, ''until'' he confirmed that it was all true when pressed for the truth by [[Dillin Thomas]]. As a consequence, many horrified listeners immediately contacted law enforcement, as incest is a Class 5 Felony in Virginia; and to say nothing of the theoretical [[Chris and sex#Rape|rape]] charge that might go with it, due to Barb's possible dementia and possible unwillingness to have sex with her own son. Even more consequences would follow: Chris was removed from his home via an Emergency Protective Order and became the center of a humongous media circus that even had [[Ween|weens]] tracking him down in real-life, resulting in his eventual arrest on stream on the 1 August 2021.

===Fishing for sympathy===
{{quote|I... am so... smart! And yet I still have to- still learn everyth- I still n- have so much to learn.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref>}}

In many conversations with Chris, there have been quite a few instances where he would outright fish for sympathy, in the hopes that people would take pity on him and, in so doing, make him feel better about himself. One such example is the [[Father Call]], where Chris constantly talks about the "trials and tribulations" in his life to an unimpressed [[Matthew Devoria]], from whom he was trying to seek approval to date his daughter; said "trials and tribulations" amounted to housework and being teased on the internet, which Chris felt was on par with Matthew carrying his dead friend's body during the war. In his [[Jackie_E-mails_23|later E-mail exchanges]] with Jackie, Chris is quick to paint himself as a misunderstood victim whenever Jackie rips him a new one over issues such as his habit of [[Lie|lying]], being a hypocrite and even being [[Women%27s_rights|inconsiderate towards her]]. Even in recent times, he has not cut out this habit, with his Facebook and Twitter entries blaming his trolls for making his life a living hell, one in particular lamenting that nobody cares about him except for his own mother.

The attention he gets from his mother, Barbara Chandler (and his friend, Anna McLerran) is textbook mollycoddling at best. Chris has spent his entire life being catered to by his parents (notably well past the point of social acceptance), to the point where he depends on them to bail him out of the [[Money#Credit_cards|numerous]] [[The_Game_Place|messes]] he gets himself into. It comes as no surprise, then, that this, combined with his [[autism|being autistic]], has poisoned Chris's mind into thinking that this is how everybody should treat him, by default. And if people don't see things his way, he'll be more than happy to point out the heavy burdens he faces daily, almost as if he expects them to instantly take back their mean, mean words and feel sorry for him.

The habit of wanting sympathy is so ingrained in Chris that he instinctively hedges when he makes a positive statement about himself. An example is from a video in which he said, "I am so smart," and immediately followed by downplaying it and saying he still had much to learn.

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[White-Knighting|white knights]]. These misguided souls have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was TRUE and HONEST, and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|became a troll]] when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious monthly tugboat on something useful when there are video games to buy).

There were even some instances where it seemed that the trolls had made a breakthrough by [[Heart level|breaking Chris]], only for him to get right back up again and continue with his antics. An example of this would be Kacey, who led Chris on for a while until she dropped the bombshell that she was going to marry Liquid Chris, but not before having her father point out every single thing that is wrong with Chris. A normal person would have been utterly devastated by this turn of events, and some would even use the experience to better themselves. Chris, on the other hand, perked right up when he [[Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day|obtained a letter 'validating' Sonichu]], forgetting about Kacey in mere days, just like she had predicted.

==Examples of Chris's ego in the real world and in the comic==
[[File:Sonichu - Episode 18, Page 9.jpg|thumb|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely.]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Cole Smithey

2024-06-25T07:51:37Z

Sorades: /* Identity of Father */ Filled it out

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine Kyle (2013 – present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]] (half-brother)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] (DA) [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]]
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Magician's assistant (1967-1976) Film critic Musician Tour guide
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone ([[Bob Chandler|living]]) escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]] prior to Chris's [[arrest]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with his [[Christian Weston Chandler|mentally challenged brother]] and being raised and abused by the same [[Barb|horrible mother]], Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]|[[Operation Snowball]]|[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]}}

Cole was born on 24 July 1963, to mother [[Barbara Chandler]], and father [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who divorced Barbara before Cole was born. Barb has claimed that Jack Dale Smithey was Cole's father, who she claimed to have married, but their relationship is shrouded in mystery, and Cole has spent years trying to figure out if Barbara was truly ever married to Jack. He was mainly raised by Barbara and her later husband, stepfather Jerry Harmon. Harmon used to perform as a magician, and Cole frequently performed alongside him in his stage act entitled [[Operation Snowball]].

Cole has stated his childhood was fraught with abuse. In [[Cole Smithey E-mails|e-mails exchanged with his half-brother Chris]], Cole particularly singled out Barbara for her treatment of him, stating she would abuse him via methods like bare spankings and cold showers. He also called out Jerry for his treatment of him as well, though he has also been more charitable to him in other accounts, so it's more than likely Barb who treated him the worst. In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounted an incident where Barbara fired a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him, and almost certainly contributed to him eventually leaving home in 1980.

As a kid, he got into music, film and comics as a hobby.<ref>[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]</ref> He stated he was a big fan of [[wikipedia:Kiss (band)|Kiss]], and attended drum lessons at the age of 12. He saw his first R-rated movie, ''{{w|The Big Boss|Fists of Fury}}'', at the age of 8.

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

===California (1980-96)===
Cole left home in 1980 at the age of 16 or 17 and moved to California.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Not long after moving, he had a sinus infection which came close to killing him.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> This was the second of at least three near-death encounters in his life. Cole's LinkedIn profile states that he attended [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] from 1981 and earned a Dramatic Art degree in Music in 1984.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college he was the drummer for a [[wikipedia:Poway, California|Poway]]-based punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs" which played shows in the San Diego area. The band was formed in 1981 and broke up in 1985.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref>

Cole later moved to Northern California. At some point he attended [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] and [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]], where he pursued a similar course of study. His LinkedIn profile does not mention him receiving a degree from either school.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> In July 1989 the Chandler household, including Chris, flew to San Francisco to celebrate Cole's 26th birthday. This was the only time they came to visit him during his entire 16-year tenure in California. By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded" and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

In 1996 he moved to New York.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[List of toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned in ''Time'' magazine for being the first critic to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', breaking the ''Toy Story'' franchise's string of perfect scores on RT.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a pretentious wannabe hipster douchebag and the other being a socially-stunted mentally-ill manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

He brands himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World." (A title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked.<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years are literally thousands of times more popular than those of his relatively more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|''Freddy Got Fingered'']] (a film often considered to be one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{quote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondence with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="Email"/> His brother-in-law, John Kyle, sang at his wedding. John later commented on [[Message for John Kyle]], where he mentions Cole.

{{quote|He's a great guy. He's my brother in law, and he's never mentioned Chris to me. I think he's doing his best to distance himself from this. You all should too.|John Kyle<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref>}}

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders's rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the [[Dimensional Merge]] happens.

It remains unknown how Cole reacted to the news that Chris was committing [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with Barb, except for the fact that he stopped allowing [[Twitter]] users to reply to his tweets and deleted one tweet from [[July 2021]] which had been flooded with replies about incest.

==Identity of Father==
As stated above, Cole was kept in the dark about the identity of his true father. Jerry Harmon was Cole's stepfather and father figure for almost the entirety of his childhood.

According to Barb, the elusive Jack Dale Smithey was his biological father, whom she allegedly was married to before Cole was born.

At one point, Cole would make a trip to Richmond to get all of Barb's marriage certificates. As he suspected, there was no marriage certificate for a marriage to Jack Dale Smithey, not even Jerry Harmon. There was, however, one to a Ran Coleman Yeatts, whose middle name coincidentally matched with Cole's first name. They divorced 2 months before he was born. In fact, he used to visit Cole as a "family friend.".

Cole went even further and tracked Jack Dale Smithey down all the way to Florida, who confirmed Cole's suspicions. When Cole confronted Barb about the Jack's revelations, she promptly hung up the phone.

While there is no definitiv proof that Ran Coleman Yeatts is his biological father, such as a DNA test (he was dead by the time Cole found out), considering the similarities in their appearance and the timeline of Cole's birth, it can stand to reason that Ran is Cole's biological father.

That doesn't stop Barb and his [[slow in the minds|mentally stunted]] little brother from being in denial, however.

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
{{Quote|The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates. The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.|Cole Smithey on his complicated relationship with his biological mother and stepfather.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.}}
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="Email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices. As the [[Financhu Crisis]] progressed, Barb has seemingly expressed interest in meeting Cole, although it's not clear if this is to try to mooch off of her son or if she wants to try to bond with him before she croaks.

Of course, Cole would do well not to bother with Chris and Barb's (dubious) pleas for a visit, given Barb's history of manipulation and dishonesty (such that he even once [[Cole Smithey E-mails|referred to her actions as "pathological behaviour"]]), not to mention her history of abusing him during his formative years.

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 6 [[September 2011]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] took Cole's wish of knowing when his stepfather died, contacting him using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, its existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (other users)#Cole's reaction to Bob's death]]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Transgender|sister]]."]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris visited Cole in San Francisco along with Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This was the only time Chris had ever been on an airplane for 35 years,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he had ever been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

Cole's relationship with his family became somewhat closer after he moved back to the East Coast in 1996. He came to visit them in Virginia on various occasions, although they never visited him in New York. For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have been referring to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was at the 2004 Weston family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine#The_bowling_outing]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story (It's unclear why Cole expected anything else). Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). Chris's dismissive attitude only resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara than he already was. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In a leaked e-mail sent to Jackie on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding (Kyle would later reveal that, until the video was brought to his attention by a troll, he had not even known that his sister's husband had a half-brother).<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. He also claimed that relatives, including [[Jerry Harmon]] and [[Jack Dale Smithey]], had been lying to Cole about Barb, making him believe that Barb was abusive, when according to Chris, she's a good person.

In the same month, Chris tried to communicate with Cole on [[Twitter]],<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#29 June 2013]]</ref> basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.'' "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment "a few buildings down East 90th from Carnigee [''sic''] Hall" and that he once lived at Carnegie Hall itself.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> In reality, [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hall|Carnegie Hall]] is not near East 90th Street, and nobody lives ''at'' Carnegie Hall—it's a concert hall, not an apartment building. East 90th Street actually passes through [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hill|Carnegie ''Hill'']], a neighborhood on Manhattan's Upper East Side. This lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Chris and hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. This was in response to Cole asking his fans to pledge money to him on Patreon in a since-deleted video, suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, Chris tried to pledge to him but Cole blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref><ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Apologising to SNT for Redesign Rage]]</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref> [[Joshua Wise]] discouraged Chris from doing this, leading to him dropping the idea.

[[File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|thumb|A certificate sent to anyone who bought Cole's stuff]]

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018, mostly his comic books. He placed great value in the fact that these comic books belonged to Cole, supposedly seeing him as some sort of celebrity, even referring to him as his mantle "The World's Smartest Film Critic." He even went so far as to make certificates that confirmed that these comic books belonged to Cole.

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.<ref>[[To Cole Smithey, from Barb, and Sonichu (Prime)]]</ref>

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole," assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

In [[''Sonichu 7'']], the comic version of Chris mentions Cole by his full name, Joseph Cole Smithey, to classmate Joseph Herring. This was later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] to "Joe Cool" Smithey.

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied," and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>[[April 2019 social media posts#CWCVille's Pokemon Professor]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Jerry&ColeWithPlane.jpg|Young Cole with his stepdad [[Jerry Harmon]] with a plane.
File:JerryBarb&ColeDisasterHeadquarters.jpg|Jerry, young Cole & Barbara at a backstage of "Disaster Headquarters."
File:JerryBarb&Cole.jpg|King Karnak, Barbie & Cole, of [[Operation Snowball]].
File:ColeSkating.png|1977 - Teenage Cole skateboarding around the [[University of Virginia]].
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|1984 - Cole playing drums.
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in [[1994]].
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/mDT18 Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{People}}
{{articleofthenow}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People who have blocked Chris]]

Chris and his ego

2024-06-24T12:30:47Z

Sorades: /* Monthly tugboat */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Dated|[[Prison communications]], and details about the [[Idea Guys]] in the Naivete section}}
{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]].}}
{{quote|WELL, PRIDE IS NOT A SIN, FOR ONE NEEDS SOME SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE TO MOTIVATE THEMSELVES AND INSPIRE OTHERS WITH SOUL AND HEART.|CPU Blue Heart distinguishing "pride" from "arrogance", ignoring that "pride" can have both a positive and negative connotation.<ref>[[:File:JailArt17.jpg]]</ref>}}

[[File:CWCnormanrockwell.jpg|thumb|right|A perfect rendition of our beloved author.]]

'''Egotism''' is the most important and self-destructive of [[Chris and his personality|Chris's flaws]]. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.

[[File:ChrisSlimeComicP2.jpg|Chris strokes his ego by having two of [[Ben Saint]]'s characters admire him.|thumb|250px]]

[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''Egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of a beloved wife, children, and home).]]

==Origins==
{{Quote|When you don't have people in your life pushing you, can you push yourself?|[[Raspberry Swirl|Tori Amos]]}}

Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to [[Chris and remorse#Shifting blame|shift blame for all of his troubles]] to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his [[Stress|problems]] and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a psychopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against that of others tilts far in his favor. The problem was compounded by his [[autism]], making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. Quite simply, [[Chris and reality#In the real world|he grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, and his [[Cole Smithey|half-brother]] supposedly suffered far worse and still managed to make something of himself. His paternal half-siblings managed to acquire doctorate degrees, becoming an eye doctor and a math expert respectively. They were able to develop and learn from the past.

Chris's development isn't just delayed – it is arrested. His {{w|egocentrism}} has persisted well into his forties when most children usually grow out of it around age seven. Autism isn't to blame entirely; while autistic people's idiosyncrasies can make them appear self-centered on the surface, only a few are self-absorbed. Most still have interest in others, and many get help to develop coping strategies and social skills. Not Chris, though.

Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for over a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and [[Enablers|people]] [[White-Knighting|let him]].

===The enablers===
[[File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A.]]
{{quote|Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. [[Chris and reality|I was truly a miracle]].|Chris, [[Mumble 3]]}}

Chris's parents are [[enablers]] ''par excellence''. Barring unrelated catastrophes, there is no earthly reason why a grown adult in his thirties should live at home with his parents without even helping them out, let alone getting a job. Autism isn't an excuse, especially when Chris's autism is as "[[Slow-in-the-minds|high functioning]]" as his activity exemplifies it to be. Adults with far more crippling psychiatric problems, from personality disorders to schizophrenia, live far more independently than Chris does. Even people who suffer from an {{w|intellectual disability}} (who would be called "retarded" in yesterday's parlance) can still often find work and live much more independently than Chris. Chris isn't one of those people at all; he can talk, read, write, and work a computer.

The [[1990s]] are long gone; we don't need to constantly clarify that autistic people can be bright or successful. [[Bob]] may have missed that memo, mistakenly believing that a modern special education program would be the same as an old-fashioned mental institution, rife with padded cells, straitjackets, electric shocks, and routine frontal lobotomies. This led the family to push a [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|conspiracy theory against his school district]], and Bob fled the [[Charlottesville]] area with Chris until he graduated from high school.

For children like Chris, special education in public school is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact they have when participating in a normal life. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues as well as delusions of grandeur.

Speaking of education, it can also be said the school system was yet another enabler in Chris's formative years. This was especially true at [[Manchester High]]. Chris's parents paid [[Gal Pal|neurotypical girls]] to babysit him throughout school, which was also arranged by the principal. This has resulted in Chris developing a rather warped view on women and friends; they let Chris believe they were legitimate friends, but in reality, they only stayed close with him out of pity and/or to protect him. [[Manchester High Leaks|Chris received passing grades on schoolwork he didn't do correctly]], yet still eventually graduated on [[honor roll]] (or so he says), presumably out of excessive pity on the teachers' part. Were that indeed the case, it might have encouraged Chris to put in less than half-baked effort into things and yet act like the end result is something spectacular.

===Monthly tugboat===
{{Main|Monthly tugboat}}
{{Main|Chris and money}}
{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.|Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives disability insurance from the government; a "[[monthly tugboat]]", as he calls it. Although it's intended to supplement income from a menial [[Chris and work|job]], such as a [[Wendy's|fast food joint]], Chris uses this check as his sole income. He is simply unwilling to work on anything except [[mass debating]], playing [[vidya]], and [[Love Quest|stalking women]] [[Fiona|young]] and [[Barbara Chandler|old]], when he gets money for doing nothing.

Chris is somehow unaware that a stable job and career could've given him for money than his meager tugboat ever could and perhaps increased his chances at scoring a [[Sweetheart]]

People have made a wide variety of political arguments for and against the tugboat. Some argue that Chris is abusing the welfare system, while others state that he deserves his check. Still others claim that his parents abused the system by proxy, or that the system itself is flawed. Ultimately, though, '''these arguments are besides the point.''' Regardless of whether or not he ''should'' have the tugboat, it '''is''' an undeniable factor in making Chris's lifestyle — and thus his world view — sustainable.

===The Information Superhighway===
{{Main|Chris and the Internet|Computers}}

A member of the {{w|Xennials|Oregon Trail generation}}, Chris has made many significant memories before 1991, when the {{w|World Wide Web}} made Internet access feasible for the masses<ref>"World Wide Web" and "Internet" are often used interchangeably, but they are different services. The Internet is a network and protocol for connecting computers, dating back to the 1960's. The Web ''uses'' the Internet to transfer resources such as documents via URL's, invented in 1991. [[How To Talk To Girls|One is the magnet, and the other is the metal]].</ref>. However, he would use the Internet regularly by the time he left [[high school]]. Born in [[1982]], he came of age in [[2000]], placing his childhood in a different millennium from his adulthood. Windows XP came out soon after, and with it came a multitude of "prosumer" creative programs, giving Chris something to do after kissing his [[gal-pals]] goodbye.

With these new programs, Chris could record and share his own [[music]], publish his comics online, and even create his own [[DVD]]. These services were previously reserved for professionals who had access to expensive studio equipment, but they were now in the hands of the masses. Later in the decade, Chris became involved with [[YouTube]] and [[Facebook]], providing even more venues for self-publication. He no longer needed to wait for the [[Chris in the media|news media]] to notice him; he could ''be'' the media!

Chris joined YouTube much earlier than many more respected web-celebs, during a time when most people saw it as a silly cat video website, and not a viable career that people would genuinely desire having. But remember: this was Chris's closest brush with fame since the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|local]] [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|news]].

===Blind luck and the cherry-picking fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up.]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park.]]

A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|9-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fan mail, letters-to-the-editor, [[Internet]] commentary, and other drivel, partially because he doesn't have much else to do. Each letter to [[Nintendo]] is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does - on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler - is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved... medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

[[Honor roll|The concept of form letters does not seem to occur to Chris]], who seems to think the letter was written specifically for him. As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' is just icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in [[2006]], his writing shows that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion led him to believe that he had a legion of fans, for a time; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirmed it.

===Big fish, small pond===
Chris is a small town [[transgender|girl]], living in a [[Saddest Heart in the World|lonely world]]. Let's take a look at the cities of his life:

* [[Ruckersville]] is such a tiny place that it only has one other notable resident: NASCAR driver Philip Morris, who is no Jeff Gordon or Danica Patrick.
* The neighboring city of [[Charlottesville]] is mostly relevant for [[UVA]], the Monticello, and a handful of political rallies. It is a historic town, but it still has a small-town feel. It offers suburban conveniences like public parks, movie theaters, and a multitude of strip malls, but it lacks the hallmarks of a big city.
* Chris's teenage environment, suburban [[Richmond]], is much more robust. However, Chris had a very sheltered adolescence and experienced little of what growing up in a large metropolitan area usually entails. Richmond also suffers from being far from any other major cities (except for Washington, DC).

Chris rarely visits big cities that would quickly humble him. He lives in a very isolated world; his hometown has a smaller population than some high schools, and it isn't really known for up-and-coming artists. His main frame of reference was his classmates. Many of them took art as an elective, without any plans of becoming professionals.

Additionally, him "succeeding in spite of his [[autism]]" might have only been relevant because the smaller school population made him one of the few autistic kids in class. In reality, autism is a fairly common condition that's more-often-than-not quite manageable with the right help and support, and many autistic kids grow up to be successful autistic adults.

Despite not being conventionally popular, Chris peaked in [[high school]]. He bases most of his merit on his various HS accomplishments, and he talks about the time as if it were the time of his life. He considers himself bilingual because he took [[Spanish]]. He takes pride in the fact that his school displayed his work publicly, even though schools do that all the time. Chris's [[Comic Chris|comic book incarnation]] bears a strong resemblance to his high school self. Comic Chris doesn't wear [[glasses]] (the real Chris didn't wear them until 1998), and he's in good shape (much like HS Chris, likely because of gym class). Chris would often bring up his placement on the [[Honor Roll]] as proof of his intelligence, and his mental health would sharply decline after graduation.

Chris has taken his big fish mentality out of his small pond and transferred it to the large ocean of the [[Internet]], not knowing that it's filled with much larger [[trolls|sharks]].

One of Chris's <s>trolls</s> [[girlfriends]], [[Catherine]], suggested that he ought to move to a place like San Francisco or Seattle, or anywhere outside suburban Virginia. She told him that these places are more LGBT-friendly and have more job prospects, and that these West Coast cities have higher minimum wages and more robust benefit and rehabilitation programs for autistic folks. She had several major points, but Chris just told her "but there's no San Francisco in Virginia," completely missing all of them. Wanting to have his cake and eat it too, Chris chose to stay in his small-town Southeastern bubble because it's easier for him, yet he would clearly benefit from living in a more developed, liberal-minded area.

In the same conversation, Chris stated the real reason for not leaving is that he doesn't want to leave his mother behind, since she is already on bad terms with [[Cole Smithey|her other adult child]]. Chris didn't consider that his Aunt Harriet could take Barb in, or that she could use her retirement insurance to live in an old folks' home. Chris even brought up that he doesn't want to move out of state after Barb dies.<ref>[[Catherine#The bowling outing]]</ref>

Chris did acknowledge the perks of moving out of his valley, but it's only logical for him to move out. What is a person obsessed with fame and art doing in a place known for neither? Why does a loud-and-proud bisexual trans woman want to live in a place where most residents are massively homophobic and/or anti-trans? Why does the world's most documented autistic person want to live in an area that, by his own admission, doesn't understand autistic people? And why does someone who desperately wants a compatible partner limit himself to a tiny dating pool and then resort to long-distance troll dating, when there probably ''is'' someone for him in the Los Angeles area? And why, just why, does Chris want to treat his [[14 Branchland Court|dwelling]] as a temple for all to flock to, when it's so remote that Google Street View still doesn't cover it?<ref>Street view last checked 9 June 2021</ref>

Because it's easy to be a big fish in a small pond, even after pissing off the other fish and getting [[banned]] from your favorite hangouts.

Self-aggrandizing is fairly common in the family, and they can generally get away with it because of the small-town mentality. Chris's family loves to bring up [[Bob]]'s injection molding patent. He claims that we wouldn't even have a simple water bottle without it. In reality, {{w|plastic injection molding}} was invented before Bob was born. The Wikipedia article doesn't even mention Bob. All he designed was a control panel for one specific machine that has become obsolete for decades. If Bob didn't design it, [[Asperchu|someone else would have]]. Even Cole Smithey, who managed to escape the Weston-Chandler household as a young adult and go on to have a fairly successful career, bills himself as "The smartest film critic in the world".

==Chris and narcissism==
{{quote|I, was mistaken, but not wrong|Chris<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/November_2017_Facebook_posts#Mistaken_about_being_linked_with_Uzume</ref>}}
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|A [[TRUE and HONEST]] depiction of narcissism.]]

It's unlikely that Chris actually suffers from {{w|narcissistic personality disorder}} (although [[Barbara Chandler|it's likely that someone else in his family]] does). While extreme self-centeredness and egotism is often conflated with the term 'Narcissism', NPD is also an existing mental condition characterized by more factors, such as emotional manipulation or split personalities for different people. Given the fact that Chris himself is too stupid to actually emotionally manipulate anyone, let alone [[Chris and manipulation|not get manipulated himself,]] Chris most likely isn't a narcissist in the real sense. However, it's possible that Barbara, who did employ plenty of abusive NPD-like traits such as suicide-baiting, might have influenced Chris's behavior in some ways. Chris actually mentioned, in a theatrical manner, considering suicide on his facebook posts several times, [[June 2014 Facebook Posts#And It Begins...|even for something as inconsequential as]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic the Hedgehog's arms being recolored blue]]. Another noticeable aspect is Chris's need to shove his own name, initials and [[Sonichu (character)|creations]] every chance he gets, specially other people's works, if it guarantees fame.

That said, while a lot of factors like his relentless attention-whoring or his lack of empathy coincide with symptoms of the Disorder, factors of his ego were mostly results of his shitty upbringing and awful luck for winning contests giving him a huge sense of self-importance. Not to mention [[Chris and kindness|his lack of empathy for others]] was also partly caused by his autism. If Chris ''does'' have NPD, he likely has a [[Slow in the minds|low functioning]] variant of the disorder, and it may be hard to delineate his potential NPD symptoms from established ASD ones. [http://samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html Further reading is required to confirm the difference.]

==Manifestations==
Chris's egotism manifests itself in a variety of ways.

===Unwarranted self-importance===
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
{{See also|True and Loyal Fanbase}}
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before [[2000]].|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]].}}

As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other [[Unholy Tetrad|laughed-at-not-with dumbass]] on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]".

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Chris's Wikipedia profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a personal army:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND, TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant gratification, instant acknowledgment, and instant attention - good or bad - that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

{{quote|I realize I am famous like a princess|Chris on Twitter in October 2017}}

{{quote|Notable resident in Ruckersville, VA alongside a NASCAR racer, and about the 29,000th most popular individual in this world, so where is the Wikipedia Article about me? ⚡️💙⚡️|Chris on Twitter in August 2018}}

He also describes himself as "managing the varsity team"<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> in high school, when actually he was a waterboy.

But if, even after all of this, you're ''still'' not convinced that Chris has unwarranted self-importance issues, consider this little tidbit: he posted autographed pictures of himself on [[eBay]]. Looking like [[:File:Chris-chan 010714.JPG|this]], [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|no]] [[Sweetheart#Will_Chris_ever_have_a_Sweetheart.3F|less]]. Make of that what you will.

===Fixation on self-image===
Chris has created many avatars of himself through several mediums.

<center><gallery>
File:CWCPOGS.jpeg|As pogs.
File:Comic CWC.PNG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]].
File:Chris Lego.jpg|As a Lego figure.
File:ThreePieceSetA.jpg|''Super Smash Bros.'' avatar for Christian.
File:ThreePieceSetC.jpg|''Super Smash Bros.'' avatar for Christine.
File:AmiiboSet.jpg|As [[Sonichu Amiibo|Amiibos]]. From left to right, Christian, Chris-chan Sonichu, Christine. Chris sold these through [[Etsy]].
File:Lego Christines.png|Another Lego figure of his 2015 [[Tomgirl]] self.
File:Cwc and vinyl dolls at Cville Pride 2016.jpg|[[Christine Doll]], pictured on left.
File:Chris skylanders avatar.jpg|''Skylanders'' avatar.
File:Skylanders swag.png|A shirt, card and 3D figure of his ''Skylanders'' avatar, costing him $90 from the company.
File:Cwc transformer1.jpg|As a Transformer.
File:Miss Night Star.jpeg ‎|As a ''[[My Little Pony|MLP]]'' character.
File:Christine Night Weston Star Chandler.jpg|It's just getting ridiculous.
File:Chris, Night Star Equestria Girls Mini dolls3.jpg|Christine Doll 2.0, next to Night Star, both blatant self-inserts.
File:ChrisFunkos.jpg|As Funkos.
File:Chris's ego, TSSSF card.jpg|As a [[TSSSF]] card featuring many of his self-inserts.
</gallery></center>

===Persecution complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint Christian the Martyr, [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|walking through the valley of the shadow of death]].]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he "takes responsibility for" are still "out of his hands". His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[trolls|trolling]], among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

Compounding this was him also having to deal with a [[Family Guy|quagmire]] of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS kept spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]]-violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]].}}

In a [[100 2178|May 8 video]], Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life - from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] to becoming the social outcast that we all know and tolerate - thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions. The only time Chris had actually stepped up and admitted responsibility was when he accidentally erased his [[PS3]]'s data.

===Naïveté===
{{Main|Naïve}}

Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. Like [[George W. Bush]], he only deals in absolutes: either you're with him or you're against him. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk — even from professionals — about the similarities between [[Asperger's syndrome]] and autism, denies that there are any shortcomings in his work, and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates honesty with [[Honest Content|divulging every last detail about his life]]. Nothing is too candid for Chris - getting haircuts, drinking his own [[semen]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address. The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number, and when that happens, it won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]], threatening his identity, and - most damaging of all - playing into his otherworldly delusions and fantasies. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start [[CWCki|this very wiki]] to keep track of it all. Another example of Chris's gullibility is one Miss [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]], a 'sweetheart' Chris met earlier in 2011. Despite her obviously being a troll (proven by a mysterious leak of videos that were sent only to Jackie on [[February 2012]]), Chris has re-friended her on Facebook after blocking her the previous April. Only time would've told if we'd end up seeing Chris [[cosplay]]ing or [[Cakefarts|making an ass of himself]] again in a video aimed only at Jackie. Unfortunately, though, it appears to not have happened. It's pretty obvious that Chris had only done this because he believed that he would score with Jackie sooner or later.

In [[2009]] and [[2010]], Chris slowly began to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an [[Patti|animal]]. Eventually, to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

Over the years, however, Chris's gullibility would come back in varying ways, reaching a boiling point in [[2017]] when the [[Idea Guys]] got a hold of him. As it turned out, the easiest way to exploit Chris's gullibility was to appeal to his habit of [[Chris and coping|escapism]], especially during the [[Financhu Crisis|general turmoil]] he faced around the time. The Idea Guys heavily exploited him by near-permanently altering his [[CWCville|fantasy world]] and state of mind, with their effects so harsh that even when their iron grip was let go the following year, Chris continues to believe the things they put into his head. Most infamously, he now believed he was a [[CPU Blue Heart|goddess]] - and later on, the outright reincarnation of [[Messiah complex|Jesus Christ]] - who would bring forth a [[dimensional merge]] on the world that, among other things, would take care of problems like his financial debt.

===Hubris: the pride before the fall===
[[File:Mother's day 2018 2.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a bit of a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}

Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, so much so that this attitude has transcended mere hubris, instead it more resembles mental illness: not only is Chris convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[She Came for CWC|art]] are without peer, he also believes he has supernatural powers along the lines of [[Chris and religion|Wicca or Voodoo]].

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and Mary Lee Walsh to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at his high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]] not realizing that public schools display students' art all the time.}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappa contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}

[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]

All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also extremely sheltered, he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing elaborate fantasy worlds. This is also probably why he sees mundane [[chores]] as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of CWCville.

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call, it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''{{w|confirmation bias}}''. For example, Chris has decided homos are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm Sorry, Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most apparent when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a parody, but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "a parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

A literal example of the 'pride before the fall' would be Chris' series of [[Facebook]] posts between April and June of 2012. In [[April 2012]], Chris believed that he had utterly fooled the trolls when he made a [[Facebook#to_.40cogsdev_from_me.2C_.40CWCSonichu|series]] [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|of]] [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|posts]] mocking them. He even went so far as to post screenshots of the CWCki forum members talking about it. Note that in several of the screenshots, Chris believed that he had uncovered a scheme to start a poster campaign about him in [[Charlottesville]]. According to his [[Facebook#To_The_Trolls|Facebook post dated 4 June 2012,]] he had called the [[Jerkops|cops]], and basically admitted that he completely fell for it. He then recorded an [[Voicemail_greeting#4_June_2012|angry voicemail greeting]] before quickly deleting it. Compared to [[Voicemail_greeting#30_April_2012|an earlier voicemail he made]], one can clearly see how humbled he was.
[[File:The Captain congratulates Chris for 'providing a good service'.png|thumb|right|In [[Sonichu Special 5]], Chris found a way to twist a situation in which he was [[Guard Dogs|being helped]] into Chris himself doing the helping, ending up with him receiving praise from [[The Captain|a fictionalised version of one of the people trying to help him out]].]]

A more recent example of Chris's pride and ego superseding the efforts of people around him can be seen in [[Sonichu Special 5]], in which [[The Captain]] vociferously praises Chris, flanked by [[Sonichu (character)|his]] [[Rosechu (character)|creations]] - for 'provide[ing] a good service to us all in this world', when in reality, the opposite was true; Chris had been manipulated by the Idea Guys, and The Captain, a member of the [[Guard Dogs]], was the actual person providing said services in attempting to break Chris free of their influence.

===Materialism===
{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying and hoarding large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself. He may even believe that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when any human being would clearly see that this man is delusional. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with getting money for sitting on his ass, claiming he can get more from his tugboat than he could at an actual job. He has [[Chris and money|absolutely no concept of money]], and believes he is entitled to everything he can buy. This stems from childhood, when Barbara would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to talk by giving him toys if he could read their names out loud.<ref>See [[1980s#1989|1989 in Christory]]</ref> Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

This mixture of compulsive hoarding, compulsive shopping, and autism is bad news all the way. He's compulsively hoarded all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(daughter)|his daughter]] in the future. He also seems to enjoy collecting things, which may explain why Pokémon appeals to him. Chris compulsively bought everything he could on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played, but the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents, especially Barb. Not even a [[2014 house fire|house fire that set most of his items ablaze]] or [[Jail Saga|getting exiled from said house]] can stop his hoarding habits.

===Tender misanthropy===
A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming [[death threats]] at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also support this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===
{{Main|Chris and the Internet}}
{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]].}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that Encyclopedia Dramatica would remove material critical to him if he just asked nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place). His Facebook account encountered a cycle in [[July 2015]] where it would be removed and put back up again; some of Chris's posts contained sexual content, such as photos of lizards mating, thumbnails of lesbian sex, screenshots of sexting, and a drawing in which he was drenched in lemonade through a [[china]]-shaped lemon - which he even ''bragged'' about how [[JERKS]] would be offended by it.

If Chris is banned from a website, he will often simply make a new account to circumvent it - even if this violates the website's rules, which is another thing he refuses to accept. Similarly, if he is blocked by somebody he wants to talk to, he might even construct [[Night Star|a fake account under the guise of one of his OCs]] to bypass the block.

===Surrendering Information===
If there is one thing that Chris's ego would simply not allow, it's suppressing himself from giving away too much information about himself. If he feels that bragging about something would give him a one-up against the trolls or make himself look good, he'll freely announce it for everyone to hear. The most glaring example of this is this entire wiki, which was created using a lot of information provided by Chris himself. Back in the day, Chris viewed himself as an extremely popular internet celebrity with a 'true and loyal fanbase', and, as such, would divulge a lot of information about himself so people would know him better (inclusive of [[Dox|personal information]] that nobody in their right mind would give away). However, there are times when he would do the opposite and [[Honest Content|surrender information that would make him look horrendously bad]], sometimes without provocation. His enthusiastic revelation of his own [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] is the shining example of this.

Whilst this practice has diminished in recent times, with Chris making himself scarce out of fear that trolls would have more [[Tomgirl Pictures|ammo]] to use against him, his habit of needlessly surrendering information still manages to surface. For example, when he claimed to [[Mia Hamm|lose his virginity]], he couldn't help but announce it on his Facebook page, all the while swearing up and down that he would never divulge any details about it to the trolls. Mere weeks later, more details emerged on Facebook, leading to speculation that he actually bought a hooker (since we all know the [[Megan|inevitable]] [[Kacey|end]] result of his Sweetheart Search), which he ended up confirming on 1 May, (along with attending a ''MythBusters'' tour, something which wasn't even brought up but still revealed anyway) all the while claiming to remain button-lipped on the matter. Only time would tell if and when Chris finally reveals everything to silence his naysayers. After all, it wouldn't be the first time it's happened. Sure enough, in December 2014, a leaked account of Chris's experience with the hooker was released on the [[Kiwi Farms]]. He just never learns.

In 2013, Chris's habit of needlessly surrendering information returned with a vengeance. Chris threw a temper tantrum on Facebook, and many would have assumed that it was [[Chris and Anger|business as usual]], ''until'' Chris made the fatal mistake of revealing the reason why he went on the warpath; somebody had uploaded his status updates (complete with the ones that were hidden) onto [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ an Imgur account.] Aside from the usual whining about how lonely he was, these screencaps not only revealed what he was up to in the silence between 2011 and 2013, but also uncovered a very ugly side of Chris. One post, in particular, revealed that he was angry at the fact that [[Mimms]] had a girlfriend, and demanded that somebody should ''kill her'', simply because Mimms was a "JERK." The fact remains that the one who revealed all of this unsavory information was not the trolls, as Chris would try to have you believe, but ''himself.''

The next year, Chris encountered a man trying to put out a brush fire near his house. However, he believed he was trying to make it even worse, and thus uploaded the [[Brushfire Video]], wherein he wound up dropping the address of the [[Rental House]] in the video title.

In 2021, this would eventually prove to be Chris' ultimate downfall. In late [[July 2021]], Chris told [[Bella]] that he had [[Affair with Mother|sexual intercourse with Barbara Chandler, his own ''mother'']], even going so far as to describe the acts in [[Honest Content|uncomfortably graphic detail]]. One would think that Chris, [[Chris and reality|being in the highly delusional state that he was in at the time]], could have easily been dismissed here, ''until'' he confirmed that it was all true when pressed for the truth by [[Dillin Thomas]]. As a consequence, many horrified listeners immediately contacted law enforcement, as incest is a Class 5 Felony in Virginia; and to say nothing of the theoretical [[Chris and sex#Rape|rape]] charge that might go with it, due to Barb's possible dementia and possible unwillingness to have sex with her own son. Even more consequences would follow: Chris was removed from his home via an Emergency Protective Order and became the center of a humongous media circus that even had [[Ween|weens]] tracking him down in real-life, resulting in his eventual arrest on stream on the 1 August 2021.

===Fishing for sympathy===
{{quote|I... am so... smart! And yet I still have to- still learn everyth- I still n- have so much to learn.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref>}}

In many conversations with Chris, there have been quite a few instances where he would outright fish for sympathy, in the hopes that people would take pity on him and, in so doing, make him feel better about himself. One such example is the [[Father Call]], where Chris constantly talks about the "trials and tribulations" in his life to an unimpressed [[Matthew Devoria]], from whom he was trying to seek approval to date his daughter; said "trials and tribulations" amounted to housework and being teased on the internet, which Chris felt was on par with Matthew carrying his dead friend's body during the war. In his [[Jackie_E-mails_23|later E-mail exchanges]] with Jackie, Chris is quick to paint himself as a misunderstood victim whenever Jackie rips him a new one over issues such as his habit of [[Lie|lying]], being a hypocrite and even being [[Women%27s_rights|inconsiderate towards her]]. Even in recent times, he has not cut out this habit, with his Facebook and Twitter entries blaming his trolls for making his life a living hell, one in particular lamenting that nobody cares about him except for his own mother.

The attention he gets from his mother, Barbara Chandler (and his friend, Anna McLerran) is textbook mollycoddling at best. Chris has spent his entire life being catered to by his parents (notably well past the point of social acceptance), to the point where he depends on them to bail him out of the [[Money#Credit_cards|numerous]] [[The_Game_Place|messes]] he gets himself into. It comes as no surprise, then, that this, combined with his [[autism|being autistic]], has poisoned Chris's mind into thinking that this is how everybody should treat him, by default. And if people don't see things his way, he'll be more than happy to point out the heavy burdens he faces daily, almost as if he expects them to instantly take back their mean, mean words and feel sorry for him.

The habit of wanting sympathy is so ingrained in Chris that he instinctively hedges when he makes a positive statement about himself. An example is from a video in which he said, "I am so smart," and immediately followed by downplaying it and saying he still had much to learn.

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[White-Knighting|white knights]]. These misguided souls have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was TRUE and HONEST, and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|became a troll]] when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious monthly tugboat on something useful when there are video games to buy).

There were even some instances where it seemed that the trolls had made a breakthrough by [[Heart level|breaking Chris]], only for him to get right back up again and continue with his antics. An example of this would be Kacey, who led Chris on for a while until she dropped the bombshell that she was going to marry Liquid Chris, but not before having her father point out every single thing that is wrong with Chris. A normal person would have been utterly devastated by this turn of events, and some would even use the experience to better themselves. Chris, on the other hand, perked right up when he [[Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day|obtained a letter 'validating' Sonichu]], forgetting about Kacey in mere days, just like she had predicted.

==Examples of Chris's ego in the real world and in the comic==
[[File:Sonichu - Episode 18, Page 9.jpg|thumb|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely.]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

JERKS

2024-06-24T08:09:04Z

Sorades:

{{Quote|Well, I do not like the majority of the male population regardless. The straight ones take the women away. The damn [[homos|homo]] males not only tried to push their gross ways onto me, but have emotionally and mentally devastated me in their shit [[Troll]]/Cyber-Bully ways, and they have mislabeled me and [[Sonichu]] as such. Damned males piss me the hell off.|Chris, speaking about men on [[March 2013 Facebook posts#Gay Marriage|a Facebook post]].}}

[[Image:Getting Aquainted Chemistry Class.jpg|thumb|250px|Notice how Chris refrained from asking any JERKS, including himself.]]

'''JERK''' was [[Chris]]'s term for men in general, including those who are not [[niggos]], [[homos]], or [[jerkop|jerkops]], at the time of his discovery. The canonical definition is "a MAN, other than myself, CWC, and my father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]]"<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref> For example, Chris labeled every single one of his male [[MySpace]] friends as a jerk in his personal list. A few "respectable males" are apparently exempt from jerk status, such as [[George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama]] (and possibly [[Congrats, Jack Black|Jack Black]]). Chris has since retired the term.

Chris's original reason is the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], but over time this also involved Chris's beliefs that all men act like they stereotypically do in cartoons, ignorant that cartoons are usually meant to be exaggerations. In more recent years, he's taken to using the word "male" in the place of jerk to express his disdain for other men. His behavior as he shifted over into a [[transgender]] identity also suggests that he has a lot of self-hatred about being born a man, or at least that he's felt so frustrated by perceived slights that other men have put against him that he no longer identifies as one.

Chris's misandry seems to stem from a number of factors, including [[Chris and his ego|internally placing himself above others]], his initial [[Homos|homophobia]], his deep-seated jealousy of other men who would take all his possible [[sweetheart]]s away from him, [[Chris and gender|his cartoonish understanding of gender roles]] based on a lifetime of watching television, and the fact that most men are physically and economically more attractive than he is. It's also owed in part due to the fact that Chris had very few male friends growing up, with his parents often bribing other children (usually girls) to hang out with their son since they had no idea how to care for an autistic child. Of course, for Chris's dislike of men and decision to identify as a woman, [[Women's rights|that's not to say that his understanding of women is actually that much better]].

==Use as a denominator==
Although he has defined the term "jerk" to mean all men save him and his father, the usage of the term seems to apply to any person who gets in the way of Chris doing something that he wants to do. If Chris wants [[china]] and can't get it because the object of his affection has a significant other, that significant other is a jerk. Chris wanted to win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], but [[Adam Stackhouse]] got in the way, therefore he is a jerk — allegedly because he broke the rules of the contest and used music, actually because he spoiled Chris's plans for sex with [[Megan Schroeder]]. Whether your intention was to obstruct Chris's efforts or not, you are a jerk for presenting a barrier to his goal.

Even being more talented than Chris, or more socially well-adjusted (no great feat, considering Chris) is enough to make one a jerk in [[The Creepy Stare|Chris's eyes]]. Men with girlfriends did not specifically intend to cock-block Chris; they only did what well-adjusted people do and asked out a girl they liked. Adam Stackhouse simply made a good video for a competition he wanted to win and had no intention of thwarting an autistic's plans to seduce his best friend (again, the ''PaRappa'' Showdown). In Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|self-centered]] way of thinking, though, [[Kick the Autistic|they were all out to get him]].

==Use as a prefix/suffix==
Chris derides certain professions by using "jerk" as a prefix (as with [[Jerkop]]) or a suffix (as with [[Manajerk]]). The addition of the prefix/suffix comes from their actions which, again, prevented Chris from getting what he wanted. Never mind the fact that managers and police officers are simply doing their job when they stop creepy patrons from [[Attraction sign|soliciting members of the public for sex]]. They have obstructed his quest for [[china]] and so are jerks. Due to [[Chris and the Law|repeated encounters]] with these professions, Chris has taken to describing any member of their ranks as a jerk.

==Varying usage==
Despite the fact that Chris has openly declared that '''all''' men are jerks, in practice he doesn't seem to automatically apply the term to every man he meets. [[Robert Simmons V]] was held in some regard before he turned troll against Chris. [[Joseph Herring]] was considered a high school friend (although Chris drew him as an ugly, zit-scarred freak in his comic). Chris considered [[Joshua Martinez]] a friend (though he still tried to get [[ED]] to ruin him) as long as he thought Josh would help him score some china. John Schroeder, [[Megan]]'s brother, was even the main character in one of Chris's fake [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|video games]]. Once again, however, that was probably a side-effect of Chris's lust for Megan.

==Chris as the embodiment of JERK==
[[wikipedia|Wiktionary]] defines a [[wiktionary:jerk|jerk]] as "a person with [[Chris and anger|unlikable]] or [[Chris and his ego|obnoxious]] [[Chris and race|qualities]] and [[Women's rights|behavior]], [[Death threats|typically]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|mean]], [[Christian Love Day (video)|self-centered]] or [[List of places that have banned Chris|disagreeable]], and [[Honor roll|often not very intelligent]]." Ironically, or perhaps better put, [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritically]], Chris's actions make him more deserving of the term "jerk" than most people he applies it to.

==The list of males Chris doesn't hate==
The most recent version of T.L.O.M.C.D.H. was provided in [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|Chris's annotations to his ED article]]. There it goes as follows:
# [[Chris]] himself
# [[Bob Chandler|His father]]
# "[[Santa Clause]]" [sic]
# [[Jesus]]
# [[God]]
# The [[George W. Bush|former]] [[Barack Obama|Presidents of]] [[Pmurt|the United States]]
# [[Molvanîa|All the World Leaders]]
# ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.

However, in the same [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|annotations]], Chris confusingly states that his [[noviophobia]] is "Out-Of-Date". He goes on to say that he only hates trolls and "da haytahs" now, but also states that he is cool with the "Hating 99% of the World's Men" theory. In any case, the list is at least applicable to ''some'' point in Chris's biography, even if he "got over it".

==References==
<references />

{{Sexuality}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]][[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Sweetheart

2024-06-24T07:49:53Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. While stay-at-home husbands/dads are no rarity these days, they are not without responsibilities. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners.''' Chris has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This is a common trait among autistic folks, though this doesn't mean they are incapable of learning. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents, resources that clearly were never available to Chris. He has a habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]]. The latter got him banned from a gym after they received numerous complaints from other patrons about Chris' constant flatulence (in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]). Chris also has no sense of personal boundaries, and has inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touched]] and [[TooManyGames|kissed]] people even when they explicitly tell him several times not to do so. He tends to make inappropriate remarks without an understanding for time or place, such as doing his [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His other attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] are [[Namgge|cringey]] at best and [[Punchy Sonichu|downright offensive]] at worst. He has no problem in addressing a [[DoopieDoOver|stranger]] he only interacted with in a professional setting with nicknames normally reserved for sexual partners. Additionally, Chris often tries to drag people [[My Little Pony voice actresses|he barely knows]] into his drama in a vain attempt to turn them into a personal army against his perceived enemies. Even after it's made abundantly clear, Chris fails to realize that these strangers have better things to do in their life than be a part of some [[slow in the minds|mentally challenged]] manchild's petty grudges and childish zealotry. Not only do these attempts fail, but also antagonize said people. It is the very reason why even more [[My Little Pony|progressive]] and [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|tolerant]] communities eventually lose their patience with Chris. This point in particular is what caused even genuine [[Megan Schroeder|friends]] to throw in the towel on Chris, simply because of how insufferable he is.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, holding out for a [[Dimensional Merge]], that will fix all his problems, make him a biological woman and ascend him to godhood.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there. Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a delusional, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-06-24T07:49:16Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. While stay-at-home husbands/dads are no rarity these days, they are not without responsibilities. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners.''' Chris has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This is a common trait among autistic folks, though this doesn't mean they are incapable of learning. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents, resources that clearly were never available to Chris. He has a habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]]. The latter got him banned from a gym after they received numerous complaints from other patrons about Chris' constant flatulence (in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]). Chris also has no sense of personal boundaries, and has inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touched]] and [[TooManyGames|kissed]] people even when they explicitly tell him several times not to do so. He tends to make inappropriate remarks without an understanding for time or place, such as doing his [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His other attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] are [[Namgge|cringey]] at best and [[Punchy Sonichu|downright offensive]] at worst. He has no problem in addressing a [[DoopieDoOver|stranger]] he only interacted with in a professional setting with nicknames normally reserved for sexual partners. Additionally, Chris often tries to drag people [[My Little Pony voice actresses|he barely knows]] into his drama in a vain attempt to turn them into a personal army against his perceived enemies. Even after it's made abundantly clear, Chris fails to realize that these strangers have better things to do in their life than be a part of some [[slow in the minds|mentally challenged]] manchild's petty grudges and childish zealotry. Not only do these attempts fail, but also antagonize said people. It is the very reason why even more [[My little pony|progressive]] and [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|tolerant]] communities eventually lose their patience with Chris. This point in particular is what caused even genuine [[Megan Schroeder|friends]] to throw in the towel on Chris, simply because of how insufferable he is.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, holding out for a [[Dimensional Merge]], that will fix all his problems, make him a biological woman and ascend him to godhood.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there. Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a delusional, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-06-23T13:28:09Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. While stay-at-home husbands/dads are no rarity these days, they are not without responsibilities. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners.''' Chris has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This is a common trait among autistic folks, though this doesn't mean they are incapable of learning. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents, resources that clearly were never available to Chris. He has a habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]]. The latter got him banned from a gym after they received numerous complaints from other patrons about Chris' constant flatulence (in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]). Chris also has no sense of personal boundaries, and has inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touched]] and [[TooManyGames|kissed]] people even when they explicitly tell him several times not to do so. He tends to make inappropriate remarks without an understanding for time or place, such as doing his [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His other attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] are [[Namgge|cringey]] at best and [[Punchy Sonichu|downright offensive]] at worst. He has no problem in addressing a [[DoopieDoOver|stranger]] he only interacted with in a professional setting with nicknames normally reserved for sexual partners. Additionally, Chris often tries to drag people [[My Little Pony voice actresses|he barely knows]] into his drama by trying to weaponize their perceived fame and reach for his personal gain. This point in particular is what caused even genuine [[Megan Schroeder|friends]] to throw in the towel on Chris, simply because of how insufferable he is.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, holding out for a [[Dimensional Merge]], that will fix all his problems, make him a biological woman and ascend him to godhood.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there. Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a delusional, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2024-06-23T10:01:32Z

Sorades: /* "Now she's with a real man" - Romantic rivalry */

{{quote|You're all just immature, [[naïve]], condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]], describing himself.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost 30 years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]''.]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards that he himself does not live up to. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Chris and stress|feel uncomfortable]], [[Sonic Boom Protests|suffer any inconveniences]], or be forced to actually [[Chris and work|put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "You grow up!" - Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his 30s, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

==="Spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job)" - [[Work]] ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref name="mail7">[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and race|other people]], and [[Megan Schroeder|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "These busses are full of nutty 'slow-in-the-minds.'" - Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref name="irc1708">[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref name="irc1708" /> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

Inversely, while Chris has repeatedly displayed intolerance of other autistics (and special-needs folks in general), he has also outright accused [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|some]] [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked_out_of_English|authority]] [[Michael Snyder|figures]] of discrimination towards autistics due to incidents that negatively impacted ''[[Chris and his ego|him]]'' in some way, even going so far as to [[Greene County Conspiracy|machinate a belief that a local school board conspired with a game store manager to ruin his life]].

=== "I'll pray for you to open your mind" - Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref name="mail7" />}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]] on a routine basis, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Muscle bra|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay"]], though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|Common Questions, January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I shoved them up my ass" - Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In his [[Date Ed#Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future|essay about]] his utterly [[Slow-in-the-Minds|retarded]] idea for [[dating education]], he claims that homosexual relations are "unnatural", [[Honor roll|despite over 300 species of animals]], including [[May 2015 Facebook posts#Did I Forget to Tell You About the Bonobos?|bonobos]], practicing it. Apparently, there is only one species that practices homophobia. Go figure.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music that is also iconic with gay men, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]] and [[Britney Spears]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "No female soul whatsoever" - Transphobia ===
While Chris has requested that people respect his identity change after coming out as [[transgender]], he has not demonstrated this same courtesy to another transgender person on one occasion - while under the [[manipulation]] of troll character [[Jeff/Francine]], a purported transwoman, Chris used her deadname (Jeff). He also mocked the status of Francine's gender transitioning and called her a "lady-man".<ref>[[Doxing_Jeff/Francine]]</ref> Soon after, he used masculine pronouns to describe Francine, said that she was "no woman", and mocked the fact that she went through a gender reassignment surgery, [[Chris and his ego|while also boasting about his own progress in transitioning]] (despite the fact that he looks largely the same as he did pre-transition, only growing his hair out and looking more bloated than usual).<ref>[[I Am me; He is not]]</ref>

In spite of this, the Jeff/Francine example has proven to be an anomaly, as Chris has used preferred pronouns and identities of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

=== "You thieving impostor!" - Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], complaining about fan fiction.<ref name="dwasperchu">[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions, December 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref name="dwasperchu" /> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' – he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work. One particularly glaring example of this double standard comes in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where Bugs Bunny scolds [[Jimmy Hill]] for using Chris' characters without permission, never mind the fact that Chris is doing the exact same thing by appropriating Bugs in such a way.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels – [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube" - Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Daniel_Mimms#Facebook|Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref> This could possibly stem from Chris being unfavorably featured on local news with a [[I Got A Fish|video]] of his.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even afterward, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

[[File:Facebook post 9 June 2012.png|thumb|right|150px|Quite possibly a troll.]]
While eating at a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, an employee of Burger King spotted Chris, acknowledged him, then went to mess with his cell phone. Chris went into panic mode, assumed that the worker was actually a troll, then thought the man was "communicating with his own kind" by hopping on a forum. He then proceeded to photograph the man, and talk about him behind his back on Facebook, ironically doing what he feared the 'troll' would do to him.

=== "He sets me on fire!" - Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his own daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="Sonichus in the basement" - [[Alec Benson Leary]]===
Chris is not only hypocritical in the rage he feels when someone makes an [[asperchu|unlicensed parody]] of his unlicensed parody, but he believes that doing so is against the wishes of the characters and [[chris and reality|hurts their feelings somehow]]. However him literally [[January_2021_social_media_posts#Bodyswap_announcement|taking over the body of Sonichu and dressing it in drag]] to the explicit discomfort of Sonichu is okay. Obviously, the entire thing is made up but it's real to Chris and therefore still counts.

==="Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women===
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and money|squander]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]]. Chris doesn't seem to be aware that statistically, women prefer men on the same or higher level of income than them.

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content===
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip through his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag 47#Children will be seeing furry porn in real life|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="I am removing myself from the Internet" - Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010]]</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Although he did stop posting videos for a while after [[Bob]]'s death, he remained active online, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

==="Now she's with a real man" - Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>[[Kacey Call 1]]</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option to pick men, who are physically and economically appealing, unlike a [[slow in the minds|mentally challenged]] manchild such as Chris. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals, saying that it's like homos are shoving their flamboyancy in your face. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was dating a girl named [[Kathleen]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman he believed was Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular, during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
Chris seems to be [[Facial blindness|completely unaware of his own weight]], possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat". He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people – during his [[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile", adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games; naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==="Parodies in jest" - Maturity===
In October 2016, Chris [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|criticized]] then Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==="He is very spiteful" - Spite===
In July 2016, Chris said that [[Pmurt]] "is very spiteful."<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card|July 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref>

In November, upon Pmurt winning the US election, Chris reacted by making multiple [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|death threats]] and [[Feelings of the election results|prayers]].

==="Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct===
In November 2016, Chris called President-elect [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] a womanizer and a rapist, in reference to molestation allegations against him. Chris himself has molested [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Catherine|women]], and, unlike Trump, most of [[Megan_emails,_2008#Megan_is_fed_up|these incidents]] are [[Catherine#The_bowling_outing|well documented]]. Chris doesn't seem to grasp the concept that women aren't into being touched by him. While he bragged to Catherine that he's learned to respect women's personal space after the Megan fiasco, he disproved himself soon after by planting his face into her breasts. However, Chris still thinks Trump's sexual misconduct is enough to justify his [[Death Threats|death prayers]] against the President-elect.

In 2018, Chris unconsensually kissed people on the cheek at a [[TooManyGames|convention]] and then, a month later, went on to tell people to not harass him and respect the rules at another [[BronyCon 2018|convention]].<ref>[[BronyCon 2018#Day 1]]</ref>

And his statements aren't the ''only'' time he has railed against someone for (alleged) perverse intent despite his own dirty laundry. For quite a while, he asserted that [[Bruce Johnson|his elementary school principal]] was molesting him and he denounced [[The GAMe PLACe]] for the fact that its owner was a sex offender (even going so far as to baselessly accuse [[Michael Snyder|his then-nemesis]] of being an incestuous pedophile).

As mentioned, he himself has molested various others (and once [[iPods Down and Listen Up|rapped about himself forcibly siring children with a woman trying to elude his sexual advances]]). As for incest accusations, he would later [[Affair with Mother|initiate sex with his elderly mother]].

===Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness===
In January 2017, Chris typed out an [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Open letter to Barron Trump|open letter to Barron Trump]], in which he urges Barron not to become a "Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical [[JERKS|Male]]" like his father, President Trump. This came after two months of Chris [[Pmurt#Death Threats|constantly trying to organize prayers for the elder Trump's death]]. As for [[ego]], Chris spent much of the essay whining about how trolls affected his own life.

==="If people didn’t overspend so much..." - Finances===
In [[May 2019]], Chris commented on an article about excessive spending of public funds by a former EPA chief, criticizing people for overspending. This was only a day after he went to court for [[debt]], a consequence of [[Chris and money#Chris and impulse spending|reckless spending on toys and video games]]. Chris also bemoaned inflation, blaming it on people getting "greedy for the green".

Only three days prior, he sold a dirty old blanket on [[eBay]] for $200,<ref>[[2019 Sales Listings#Rainbow Pride Throw Blanket|2019 Sales Listings]]</ref> which is only a minor episode in Chris's [[Financhu Crisis|long history of e-begging]] to sustain the Chandlers' aforementioned habit of wasting funds on useless garbage.

==="Break your own Fourth Wall!" - Dimensions===

On [[November 2019]], Chris has made a string of Twitter posts telling people to "break their [[Fourth Wall|fourth wall]]" in order to interact with the OC's living in their home dimensions. The term "[[OC]]" is what Chris uses to refer to any of the characters found within a cartoon. Chris believes that these characters are all sentient beings with their own consciences and feelings. Fast forward to a few days later, Chris becomes enraged when he sees the promo of [[Pony Life]]. Believing it to be a cartoon along the lines of Teen Titans Go solely due to its art style, Chris began starting rallies against the show on his Twitter account, spamming both Hasbro and people who showed any interest in the show with complaints. He even claims that he desires to kill all of the characters within the show itself by having it cancelled.

=== "Can't we just forgive and forget?" - Forgiveness ===
Every so often, Chris will do something that serves to bother or even negatively impact those around him, be it loitering in a [[Get-Tar Region|retail]] [[Mal-Wart|setting]] to seek out a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], [[26 December 2014| assaulting employees of stores he was banned from]], [[Affair with Mother|engaging in sex with his elderly mother]] and so forth. Once he realizes he's in trouble and others have reacted negatively to any of his shenanigans, he'll sometimes [[Chris and remorse|try to serve an apology]] to whichever parties were hurt in the situation. Naturally, Chris' feeble and hollow expression of remorse is quickly denied, at which point he is bound to take such a thing personally.

A good example would be Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recording of an attempt to persuade]] [[Michael Snyder]] to revoke his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. When Chris' insincerity was point-blank rejected and he was urged to leave, Chris got indignant and pleaded for Snyder to "forgive and forget". Ironically, before and after this incident, Chris had been harboring complete animosity towards Snyder and the store itself to the point where [[28 October 2011|he eventually committed a hit-and-run against the then-newer owner himself]].

Even when [[This is how the Trial went|the case had been taken to court]], Chris refused to let go of his unjustified hatred towards Snyder, such that when informed he was to cover medical expenses (as part of a plea bargain to ensure Chris wouldn't suffer from a criminal record, mind you), he openly referred to the very man who had just arranged to make the case easier for him as 'a thieving liar'.

Even outside of that, Chris isn't really in any position whatsoever to chide others for a lack of forgiveness, considering one of many things he is infamous for is [[Chris and anger|a tendency to fly into extreme rage]] against others for perceived slights and/or attacks on him, sometimes going so far as to unleash [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|a "curse"]] or even [[Jason Kendrick Howell message|desire for them to be killed off]]. Not just that, but he has even held grudges against the aforementioned Michael Snyder, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Megan Schroeder]], all for things that were his own fault in the first place.

It should come as no surprise that even in [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]], Chris will screw up a message of forgiveness almost immediately after he says it. In [[Sonichu #8]], Rosechu reminds Sonichu of the importance of forgiveness but near the end of the same volume, a single [[Pickle|pickle]] getting thrown at her induces transformation into [[The Incredible Lioness]], whereupon she brutally face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in retaliation.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[True and Loyal Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2024-06-22T13:02:32Z

Sorades: /* "Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women */

{{quote|You're all just immature, [[naïve]], condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]], describing himself.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost 30 years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]''.]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards that he himself does not live up to. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Chris and stress|feel uncomfortable]], [[Sonic Boom Protests|suffer any inconveniences]], or be forced to actually [[Chris and work|put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "You grow up!" - Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his 30s, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

==="Spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job)" - [[Work]] ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref name="mail7">[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which is frankly ass and unmarketable to the regular market. And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and race|other people]], and [[Megan Schroeder|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "These busses are full of nutty 'slow-in-the-minds.'" - Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref name="irc1708">[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref name="irc1708" /> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

Inversely, while Chris has repeatedly displayed intolerance of other autistics (and special-needs folks in general), he has also outright accused [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|some]] [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked_out_of_English|authority]] [[Michael Snyder|figures]] of discrimination towards autistics due to incidents that negatively impacted ''[[Chris and his ego|him]]'' in some way, even going so far as to [[Greene County Conspiracy|machinate a belief that a local school board conspired with a game store manager to ruin his life]].

=== "I'll pray for you to open your mind" - Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref name="mail7" />}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]] on a routine basis, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Muscle bra|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay"]], though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|Common Questions, January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I shoved them up my ass" - Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In his [[Date Ed#Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future|essay about]] his utterly [[Slow-in-the-Minds|retarded]] idea for [[dating education]], he claims that homosexual relations are "unnatural", [[Honor roll|despite over 300 species of animals]], including [[May 2015 Facebook posts#Did I Forget to Tell You About the Bonobos?|bonobos]], practicing it. Apparently, there is only one species that practices homophobia. Go figure.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music that is also iconic with gay men, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]] and [[Britney Spears]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "No female soul whatsoever" - Transphobia ===
While Chris has requested that people respect his identity change after coming out as [[transgender]], he has not demonstrated this same courtesy to another transgender person on one occasion - while under the [[manipulation]] of troll character [[Jeff/Francine]], a purported transwoman, Chris used her deadname (Jeff). He also mocked the status of Francine's gender transitioning and called her a "lady-man".<ref>[[Doxing_Jeff/Francine]]</ref> Soon after, he used masculine pronouns to describe Francine, said that she was "no woman", and mocked the fact that she went through a gender reassignment surgery, [[Chris and his ego|while also boasting about his own progress in transitioning]] (despite the fact that he looks largely the same as he did pre-transition, only growing his hair out and looking more bloated than usual).<ref>[[I Am me; He is not]]</ref>

In spite of this, the Jeff/Francine example has proven to be an anomaly, as Chris has used preferred pronouns and identities of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

=== "You thieving impostor!" - Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], complaining about fan fiction.<ref name="dwasperchu">[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions, December 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref name="dwasperchu" /> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' – he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work. One particularly glaring example of this double standard comes in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where Bugs Bunny scolds [[Jimmy Hill]] for using Chris' characters without permission, never mind the fact that Chris is doing the exact same thing by appropriating Bugs in such a way.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels – [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube" - Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Daniel_Mimms#Facebook|Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref> This could possibly stem from Chris being unfavorably featured on local news with a [[I Got A Fish|video]] of his.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even afterward, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

[[File:Facebook post 9 June 2012.png|thumb|right|150px|Quite possibly a troll.]]
While eating at a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, an employee of Burger King spotted Chris, acknowledged him, then went to mess with his cell phone. Chris went into panic mode, assumed that the worker was actually a troll, then thought the man was "communicating with his own kind" by hopping on a forum. He then proceeded to photograph the man, and talk about him behind his back on Facebook, ironically doing what he feared the 'troll' would do to him.

=== "He sets me on fire!" - Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his own daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="Sonichus in the basement" - [[Alec Benson Leary]]===
Chris is not only hypocritical in the rage he feels when someone makes an [[asperchu|unlicensed parody]] of his unlicensed parody, but he believes that doing so is against the wishes of the characters and [[chris and reality|hurts their feelings somehow]]. However him literally [[January_2021_social_media_posts#Bodyswap_announcement|taking over the body of Sonichu and dressing it in drag]] to the explicit discomfort of Sonichu is okay. Obviously, the entire thing is made up but it's real to Chris and therefore still counts.

==="Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women===
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and money|squander]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]]. Chris doesn't seem to be aware that statistically, women prefer men on the same or higher level of income than them.

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content===
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip through his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag 47#Children will be seeing furry porn in real life|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="I am removing myself from the Internet" - Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010]]</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Although he did stop posting videos for a while after [[Bob]]'s death, he remained active online, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

==="Now she's with a real man" - Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>[[Kacey Call 1]]</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals, saying that it's like homos are shoving their flamboyancy in your face. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was dating a girl named [[Kathleen]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman he believed was Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular, during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
Chris seems to be [[Facial blindness|completely unaware of his own weight]], possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat". He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people – during his [[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile", adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games; naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==="Parodies in jest" - Maturity===
In October 2016, Chris [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|criticized]] then Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==="He is very spiteful" - Spite===
In July 2016, Chris said that [[Pmurt]] "is very spiteful."<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card|July 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref>

In November, upon Pmurt winning the US election, Chris reacted by making multiple [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|death threats]] and [[Feelings of the election results|prayers]].

==="Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct===
In November 2016, Chris called President-elect [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] a womanizer and a rapist, in reference to molestation allegations against him. Chris himself has molested [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Catherine|women]], and, unlike Trump, most of [[Megan_emails,_2008#Megan_is_fed_up|these incidents]] are [[Catherine#The_bowling_outing|well documented]]. Chris doesn't seem to grasp the concept that women aren't into being touched by him. While he bragged to Catherine that he's learned to respect women's personal space after the Megan fiasco, he disproved himself soon after by planting his face into her breasts. However, Chris still thinks Trump's sexual misconduct is enough to justify his [[Death Threats|death prayers]] against the President-elect.

In 2018, Chris unconsensually kissed people on the cheek at a [[TooManyGames|convention]] and then, a month later, went on to tell people to not harass him and respect the rules at another [[BronyCon 2018|convention]].<ref>[[BronyCon 2018#Day 1]]</ref>

And his statements aren't the ''only'' time he has railed against someone for (alleged) perverse intent despite his own dirty laundry. For quite a while, he asserted that [[Bruce Johnson|his elementary school principal]] was molesting him and he denounced [[The GAMe PLACe]] for the fact that its owner was a sex offender (even going so far as to baselessly accuse [[Michael Snyder|his then-nemesis]] of being an incestuous pedophile).

As mentioned, he himself has molested various others (and once [[iPods Down and Listen Up|rapped about himself forcibly siring children with a woman trying to elude his sexual advances]]). As for incest accusations, he would later [[Affair with Mother|initiate sex with his elderly mother]].

===Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness===
In January 2017, Chris typed out an [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Open letter to Barron Trump|open letter to Barron Trump]], in which he urges Barron not to become a "Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical [[JERKS|Male]]" like his father, President Trump. This came after two months of Chris [[Pmurt#Death Threats|constantly trying to organize prayers for the elder Trump's death]]. As for [[ego]], Chris spent much of the essay whining about how trolls affected his own life.

==="If people didn’t overspend so much..." - Finances===
In [[May 2019]], Chris commented on an article about excessive spending of public funds by a former EPA chief, criticizing people for overspending. This was only a day after he went to court for [[debt]], a consequence of [[Chris and money#Chris and impulse spending|reckless spending on toys and video games]]. Chris also bemoaned inflation, blaming it on people getting "greedy for the green".

Only three days prior, he sold a dirty old blanket on [[eBay]] for $200,<ref>[[2019 Sales Listings#Rainbow Pride Throw Blanket|2019 Sales Listings]]</ref> which is only a minor episode in Chris's [[Financhu Crisis|long history of e-begging]] to sustain the Chandlers' aforementioned habit of wasting funds on useless garbage.

==="Break your own Fourth Wall!" - Dimensions===

On [[November 2019]], Chris has made a string of Twitter posts telling people to "break their [[Fourth Wall|fourth wall]]" in order to interact with the OC's living in their home dimensions. The term "[[OC]]" is what Chris uses to refer to any of the characters found within a cartoon. Chris believes that these characters are all sentient beings with their own consciences and feelings. Fast forward to a few days later, Chris becomes enraged when he sees the promo of [[Pony Life]]. Believing it to be a cartoon along the lines of Teen Titans Go solely due to its art style, Chris began starting rallies against the show on his Twitter account, spamming both Hasbro and people who showed any interest in the show with complaints. He even claims that he desires to kill all of the characters within the show itself by having it cancelled.

=== "Can't we just forgive and forget?" - Forgiveness ===
Every so often, Chris will do something that serves to bother or even negatively impact those around him, be it loitering in a [[Get-Tar Region|retail]] [[Mal-Wart|setting]] to seek out a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], [[26 December 2014| assaulting employees of stores he was banned from]], [[Affair with Mother|engaging in sex with his elderly mother]] and so forth. Once he realizes he's in trouble and others have reacted negatively to any of his shenanigans, he'll sometimes [[Chris and remorse|try to serve an apology]] to whichever parties were hurt in the situation. Naturally, Chris' feeble and hollow expression of remorse is quickly denied, at which point he is bound to take such a thing personally.

A good example would be Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recording of an attempt to persuade]] [[Michael Snyder]] to revoke his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. When Chris' insincerity was point-blank rejected and he was urged to leave, Chris got indignant and pleaded for Snyder to "forgive and forget". Ironically, before and after this incident, Chris had been harboring complete animosity towards Snyder and the store itself to the point where [[28 October 2011|he eventually committed a hit-and-run against the then-newer owner himself]].

Even when [[This is how the Trial went|the case had been taken to court]], Chris refused to let go of his unjustified hatred towards Snyder, such that when informed he was to cover medical expenses (as part of a plea bargain to ensure Chris wouldn't suffer from a criminal record, mind you), he openly referred to the very man who had just arranged to make the case easier for him as 'a thieving liar'.

Even outside of that, Chris isn't really in any position whatsoever to chide others for a lack of forgiveness, considering one of many things he is infamous for is [[Chris and anger|a tendency to fly into extreme rage]] against others for perceived slights and/or attacks on him, sometimes going so far as to unleash [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|a "curse"]] or even [[Jason Kendrick Howell message|desire for them to be killed off]]. Not just that, but he has even held grudges against the aforementioned Michael Snyder, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Megan Schroeder]], all for things that were his own fault in the first place.

It should come as no surprise that even in [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]], Chris will screw up a message of forgiveness almost immediately after he says it. In [[Sonichu #8]], Rosechu reminds Sonichu of the importance of forgiveness but near the end of the same volume, a single [[Pickle|pickle]] getting thrown at her induces transformation into [[The Incredible Lioness]], whereupon she brutally face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in retaliation.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[True and Loyal Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and hypocrisy

2024-06-22T12:42:35Z

Sorades: /* "Spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job)" - Work */

{{quote|You're all just immature, [[naïve]], condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]], describing himself.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost 30 years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]''.]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards that he himself does not live up to. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Chris and stress|feel uncomfortable]], [[Sonic Boom Protests|suffer any inconveniences]], or be forced to actually [[Chris and work|put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "You grow up!" - Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his 30s, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

==="Spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job)" - [[Work]] ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref name="mail7">[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which is frankly ass and unmarketable to the regular market. And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and race|other people]], and [[Megan Schroeder|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "These busses are full of nutty 'slow-in-the-minds.'" - Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref name="irc1708">[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref name="irc1708" /> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

Inversely, while Chris has repeatedly displayed intolerance of other autistics (and special-needs folks in general), he has also outright accused [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|some]] [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked_out_of_English|authority]] [[Michael Snyder|figures]] of discrimination towards autistics due to incidents that negatively impacted ''[[Chris and his ego|him]]'' in some way, even going so far as to [[Greene County Conspiracy|machinate a belief that a local school board conspired with a game store manager to ruin his life]].

=== "I'll pray for you to open your mind" - Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref name="mail7" />}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]] on a routine basis, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Muscle bra|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay"]], though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010|Common Questions, January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I shoved them up my ass" - Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In his [[Date Ed#Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future|essay about]] his utterly [[Slow-in-the-Minds|retarded]] idea for [[dating education]], he claims that homosexual relations are "unnatural", [[Honor roll|despite over 300 species of animals]], including [[May 2015 Facebook posts#Did I Forget to Tell You About the Bonobos?|bonobos]], practicing it. Apparently, there is only one species that practices homophobia. Go figure.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music that is also iconic with gay men, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]] and [[Britney Spears]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "No female soul whatsoever" - Transphobia ===
While Chris has requested that people respect his identity change after coming out as [[transgender]], he has not demonstrated this same courtesy to another transgender person on one occasion - while under the [[manipulation]] of troll character [[Jeff/Francine]], a purported transwoman, Chris used her deadname (Jeff). He also mocked the status of Francine's gender transitioning and called her a "lady-man".<ref>[[Doxing_Jeff/Francine]]</ref> Soon after, he used masculine pronouns to describe Francine, said that she was "no woman", and mocked the fact that she went through a gender reassignment surgery, [[Chris and his ego|while also boasting about his own progress in transitioning]] (despite the fact that he looks largely the same as he did pre-transition, only growing his hair out and looking more bloated than usual).<ref>[[I Am me; He is not]]</ref>

In spite of this, the Jeff/Francine example has proven to be an anomaly, as Chris has used preferred pronouns and identities of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

=== "You thieving impostor!" - Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], complaining about fan fiction.<ref name="dwasperchu">[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions, December 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref name="dwasperchu" /> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' – he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work. One particularly glaring example of this double standard comes in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where Bugs Bunny scolds [[Jimmy Hill]] for using Chris' characters without permission, never mind the fact that Chris is doing the exact same thing by appropriating Bugs in such a way.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels – [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== "I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube" - Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Daniel_Mimms#Facebook|Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref> This could possibly stem from Chris being unfavorably featured on local news with a [[I Got A Fish|video]] of his.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even afterward, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

[[File:Facebook post 9 June 2012.png|thumb|right|150px|Quite possibly a troll.]]
While eating at a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, an employee of Burger King spotted Chris, acknowledged him, then went to mess with his cell phone. Chris went into panic mode, assumed that the worker was actually a troll, then thought the man was "communicating with his own kind" by hopping on a forum. He then proceeded to photograph the man, and talk about him behind his back on Facebook, ironically doing what he feared the 'troll' would do to him.

=== "He sets me on fire!" - Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his own daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="Sonichus in the basement" - [[Alec Benson Leary]]===
Chris is not only hypocritical in the rage he feels when someone makes an [[asperchu|unlicensed parody]] of his unlicensed parody, but he believes that doing so is against the wishes of the characters and [[chris and reality|hurts their feelings somehow]]. However him literally [[January_2021_social_media_posts#Bodyswap_announcement|taking over the body of Sonichu and dressing it in drag]] to the explicit discomfort of Sonichu is okay. Obviously, the entire thing is made up but it's real to Chris and therefore still counts.

==="Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women===
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and money|squander]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content===
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip through his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag 47#Children will be seeing furry porn in real life|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

==="I am removing myself from the Internet" - Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010]]</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Although he did stop posting videos for a while after [[Bob]]'s death, he remained active online, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

==="Now she's with a real man" - Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>[[Kacey Call 1]]</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals, saying that it's like homos are shoving their flamboyancy in your face. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was dating a girl named [[Kathleen]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman he believed was Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular, during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
Chris seems to be [[Facial blindness|completely unaware of his own weight]], possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat". He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people – during his [[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile", adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games; naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==="Parodies in jest" - Maturity===
In October 2016, Chris [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|criticized]] then Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==="He is very spiteful" - Spite===
In July 2016, Chris said that [[Pmurt]] "is very spiteful."<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card|July 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref>

In November, upon Pmurt winning the US election, Chris reacted by making multiple [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|death threats]] and [[Feelings of the election results|prayers]].

==="Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct===
In November 2016, Chris called President-elect [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] a womanizer and a rapist, in reference to molestation allegations against him. Chris himself has molested [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Catherine|women]], and, unlike Trump, most of [[Megan_emails,_2008#Megan_is_fed_up|these incidents]] are [[Catherine#The_bowling_outing|well documented]]. Chris doesn't seem to grasp the concept that women aren't into being touched by him. While he bragged to Catherine that he's learned to respect women's personal space after the Megan fiasco, he disproved himself soon after by planting his face into her breasts. However, Chris still thinks Trump's sexual misconduct is enough to justify his [[Death Threats|death prayers]] against the President-elect.

In 2018, Chris unconsensually kissed people on the cheek at a [[TooManyGames|convention]] and then, a month later, went on to tell people to not harass him and respect the rules at another [[BronyCon 2018|convention]].<ref>[[BronyCon 2018#Day 1]]</ref>

And his statements aren't the ''only'' time he has railed against someone for (alleged) perverse intent despite his own dirty laundry. For quite a while, he asserted that [[Bruce Johnson|his elementary school principal]] was molesting him and he denounced [[The GAMe PLACe]] for the fact that its owner was a sex offender (even going so far as to baselessly accuse [[Michael Snyder|his then-nemesis]] of being an incestuous pedophile).

As mentioned, he himself has molested various others (and once [[iPods Down and Listen Up|rapped about himself forcibly siring children with a woman trying to elude his sexual advances]]). As for incest accusations, he would later [[Affair with Mother|initiate sex with his elderly mother]].

===Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness===
In January 2017, Chris typed out an [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Open letter to Barron Trump|open letter to Barron Trump]], in which he urges Barron not to become a "Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical [[JERKS|Male]]" like his father, President Trump. This came after two months of Chris [[Pmurt#Death Threats|constantly trying to organize prayers for the elder Trump's death]]. As for [[ego]], Chris spent much of the essay whining about how trolls affected his own life.

==="If people didn’t overspend so much..." - Finances===
In [[May 2019]], Chris commented on an article about excessive spending of public funds by a former EPA chief, criticizing people for overspending. This was only a day after he went to court for [[debt]], a consequence of [[Chris and money#Chris and impulse spending|reckless spending on toys and video games]]. Chris also bemoaned inflation, blaming it on people getting "greedy for the green".

Only three days prior, he sold a dirty old blanket on [[eBay]] for $200,<ref>[[2019 Sales Listings#Rainbow Pride Throw Blanket|2019 Sales Listings]]</ref> which is only a minor episode in Chris's [[Financhu Crisis|long history of e-begging]] to sustain the Chandlers' aforementioned habit of wasting funds on useless garbage.

==="Break your own Fourth Wall!" - Dimensions===

On [[November 2019]], Chris has made a string of Twitter posts telling people to "break their [[Fourth Wall|fourth wall]]" in order to interact with the OC's living in their home dimensions. The term "[[OC]]" is what Chris uses to refer to any of the characters found within a cartoon. Chris believes that these characters are all sentient beings with their own consciences and feelings. Fast forward to a few days later, Chris becomes enraged when he sees the promo of [[Pony Life]]. Believing it to be a cartoon along the lines of Teen Titans Go solely due to its art style, Chris began starting rallies against the show on his Twitter account, spamming both Hasbro and people who showed any interest in the show with complaints. He even claims that he desires to kill all of the characters within the show itself by having it cancelled.

=== "Can't we just forgive and forget?" - Forgiveness ===
Every so often, Chris will do something that serves to bother or even negatively impact those around him, be it loitering in a [[Get-Tar Region|retail]] [[Mal-Wart|setting]] to seek out a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], [[26 December 2014| assaulting employees of stores he was banned from]], [[Affair with Mother|engaging in sex with his elderly mother]] and so forth. Once he realizes he's in trouble and others have reacted negatively to any of his shenanigans, he'll sometimes [[Chris and remorse|try to serve an apology]] to whichever parties were hurt in the situation. Naturally, Chris' feeble and hollow expression of remorse is quickly denied, at which point he is bound to take such a thing personally.

A good example would be Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recording of an attempt to persuade]] [[Michael Snyder]] to revoke his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. When Chris' insincerity was point-blank rejected and he was urged to leave, Chris got indignant and pleaded for Snyder to "forgive and forget". Ironically, before and after this incident, Chris had been harboring complete animosity towards Snyder and the store itself to the point where [[28 October 2011|he eventually committed a hit-and-run against the then-newer owner himself]].

Even when [[This is how the Trial went|the case had been taken to court]], Chris refused to let go of his unjustified hatred towards Snyder, such that when informed he was to cover medical expenses (as part of a plea bargain to ensure Chris wouldn't suffer from a criminal record, mind you), he openly referred to the very man who had just arranged to make the case easier for him as 'a thieving liar'.

Even outside of that, Chris isn't really in any position whatsoever to chide others for a lack of forgiveness, considering one of many things he is infamous for is [[Chris and anger|a tendency to fly into extreme rage]] against others for perceived slights and/or attacks on him, sometimes going so far as to unleash [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|a "curse"]] or even [[Jason Kendrick Howell message|desire for them to be killed off]]. Not just that, but he has even held grudges against the aforementioned Michael Snyder, [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Megan Schroeder]], all for things that were his own fault in the first place.

It should come as no surprise that even in [[Sonichu (comic)|his magnum opus]], Chris will screw up a message of forgiveness almost immediately after he says it. In [[Sonichu #8]], Rosechu reminds Sonichu of the importance of forgiveness but near the end of the same volume, a single [[Pickle|pickle]] getting thrown at her induces transformation into [[The Incredible Lioness]], whereupon she brutally face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in retaliation.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[True and Loyal Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Cole Smithey

2024-06-22T12:16:36Z

Sorades: Undo revision 324550 by Sorades (talk) My mistake

{{Protip|Like with most people directly involved with Christory, do NOT attempt to contact or troll Cole. He wants nothing to do with either Chris or Barb and refuses to talk about Chris.}}

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine Kyle (2013 – present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]] (half-brother)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] (DA) [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]]
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Magician's assistant (1967-1976) Film critic Musician Tour guide
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone ([[Bob Chandler|living]]) escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]] prior to Chris's [[arrest]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with his [[Christian Weston Chandler|mentally challenged brother]] and being raised and abused by the same [[Barb|horrible mother]], Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]|[[Operation Snowball]]|[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]}}

Cole was born on 24 July 1963, to mother [[Barbara Chandler]], and father [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who divorced Barbara before Cole was born. Barb has claimed that Jack Dale Smithey was Cole's father, who she claimed to have married, but their relationship is shrouded in mystery, and Cole has spent years trying to figure out if Barbara was truly ever married to Jack. He was mainly raised by Barbara and her later husband, stepfather Jerry Harmon. Harmon used to perform as a magician, and Cole frequently performed alongside him in his stage act entitled [[Operation Snowball]].

Cole has stated his childhood was fraught with abuse. In [[Cole Smithey E-mails|e-mails exchanged with his half-brother Chris]], Cole particularly singled out Barbara for her treatment of him, stating she would abuse him via methods like bare spankings and cold showers. He also called out Jerry for his treatment of him as well, though he has also been more charitable to him in other accounts, so it's more than likely Barb who treated him the worst. In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounted an incident where Barbara fired a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him, and almost certainly contributed to him eventually leaving home in 1980.

As a kid, he got into music, film and comics as a hobby.<ref>[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]</ref> He stated he was a big fan of [[wikipedia:Kiss (band)|Kiss]], and attended drum lessons at the age of 12. He saw his first R-rated movie, ''{{w|The Big Boss|Fists of Fury}}'', at the age of 8.

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

===California (1980-96)===
Cole left home in 1980 at the age of 16 or 17 and moved to California.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Not long after moving, he had a sinus infection which came close to killing him.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> This was the second of at least three near-death encounters in his life. Cole's LinkedIn profile states that he attended [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] from 1981 and earned a Dramatic Art degree in Music in 1984.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college he was the drummer for a [[wikipedia:Poway, California|Poway]]-based punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs" which played shows in the San Diego area. The band was formed in 1981 and broke up in 1985.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref>

Cole later moved to Northern California. At some point he attended [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] and [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]], where he pursued a similar course of study. His LinkedIn profile does not mention him receiving a degree from either school.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> In July 1989 the Chandler household, including Chris, flew to San Francisco to celebrate Cole's 26th birthday. This was the only time they came to visit him during his entire 16-year tenure in California. By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded" and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

In 1996 he moved to New York.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[List of toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned in ''Time'' magazine for being the first critic to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', breaking the ''Toy Story'' franchise's string of perfect scores on RT.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a pretentious wannabe hipster douchebag and the other being a socially-stunted mentally-ill manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

He brands himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World." (A title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked.<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years are literally thousands of times more popular than those of his relatively more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|''Freddy Got Fingered'']] (a film often considered to be one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{quote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondence with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="Email"/> His brother-in-law, John Kyle, sang at his wedding. John later commented on [[Message for John Kyle]], where he mentions Cole.

{{quote|He's a great guy. He's my brother in law, and he's never mentioned Chris to me. I think he's doing his best to distance himself from this. You all should too.|John Kyle<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref>}}

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders's rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the [[Dimensional Merge]] happens.

It remains unknown how Cole reacted to the news that Chris was committing [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with Barb, except for the fact that he stopped allowing [[Twitter]] users to reply to his tweets and deleted one tweet from [[July 2021]] which had been flooded with replies about incest.

==Identity of Father==
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
{{Quote|The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates. The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.|Cole Smithey on his complicated relationship with his biological mother and stepfather.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.}}
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="Email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices. As the [[Financhu Crisis]] progressed, Barb has seemingly expressed interest in meeting Cole, although it's not clear if this is to try to mooch off of her son or if she wants to try to bond with him before she croaks.

Of course, Cole would do well not to bother with Chris and Barb's (dubious) pleas for a visit, given Barb's history of manipulation and dishonesty (such that he even once [[Cole Smithey E-mails|referred to her actions as "pathological behaviour"]]), not to mention her history of abusing him during his formative years.

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 6 [[September 2011]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] took Cole's wish of knowing when his stepfather died, contacting him using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, its existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (other users)#Cole's reaction to Bob's death]]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Transgender|sister]]."]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris visited Cole in San Francisco along with Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This was the only time Chris had ever been on an airplane for 35 years,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he had ever been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

Cole's relationship with his family became somewhat closer after he moved back to the East Coast in 1996. He came to visit them in Virginia on various occasions, although they never visited him in New York. For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have been referring to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was at the 2004 Weston family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine#The_bowling_outing]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story (It's unclear why Cole expected anything else). Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). Chris's dismissive attitude only resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara than he already was. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In a leaked e-mail sent to Jackie on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding (Kyle would later reveal that, until the video was brought to his attention by a troll, he had not even known that his sister's husband had a half-brother).<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. He also claimed that relatives, including [[Jerry Harmon]] and [[Jack Dale Smithey]], had been lying to Cole about Barb, making him believe that Barb was abusive, when according to Chris, she's a good person.

In the same month, Chris tried to communicate with Cole on [[Twitter]],<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#29 June 2013]]</ref> basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.'' "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment "a few buildings down East 90th from Carnigee [''sic''] Hall" and that he once lived at Carnegie Hall itself.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> In reality, [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hall|Carnegie Hall]] is not near East 90th Street, and nobody lives ''at'' Carnegie Hall—it's a concert hall, not an apartment building. East 90th Street actually passes through [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hill|Carnegie ''Hill'']], a neighborhood on Manhattan's Upper East Side. This lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Chris and hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. This was in response to Cole asking his fans to pledge money to him on Patreon in a since-deleted video, suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, Chris tried to pledge to him but Cole blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref><ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Apologising to SNT for Redesign Rage]]</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref> [[Joshua Wise]] discouraged Chris from doing this, leading to him dropping the idea.

[[File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|thumb|A certificate sent to anyone who bought Cole's stuff]]

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018, mostly his comic books. He placed great value in the fact that these comic books belonged to Cole, supposedly seeing him as some sort of celebrity, even referring to him as his mantle "The World's Smartest Film Critic." He even went so far as to make certificates that confirmed that these comic books belonged to Cole.

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.<ref>[[To Cole Smithey, from Barb, and Sonichu (Prime)]]</ref>

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole," assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

In [[''Sonichu 7'']], the comic version of Chris mentions Cole by his full name, Joseph Cole Smithey, to classmate Joseph Herring. This was later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] to "Joe Cool" Smithey.

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied," and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>[[April 2019 social media posts#CWCVille's Pokemon Professor]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Jerry&ColeWithPlane.jpg|Young Cole with his stepdad [[Jerry Harmon]] with a plane.
File:JerryBarb&ColeDisasterHeadquarters.jpg|Jerry, young Cole & Barbara at a backstage of "Disaster Headquarters."
File:JerryBarb&Cole.jpg|King Karnak, Barbie & Cole, of [[Operation Snowball]].
File:ColeSkating.png|1977 - Teenage Cole skateboarding around the [[University of Virginia]].
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|1984 - Cole playing drums.
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in [[1994]].
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/mDT18 Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People who have blocked Chris]]

Cole Smithey

2024-06-22T12:15:39Z

Sorades: /* Identity of Father */ It's redundant

{{Protip|Like with most people directly involved with Christory, do NOT attempt to contact or troll Cole. He wants nothing to do with either Chris or Barb and refuses to talk about Chris.}}

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine Kyle (2013 – present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]] (half-brother)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] (DA) [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]]
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Magician's assistant (1967-1976) Film critic Musician Tour guide
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone ([[Bob Chandler|living]]) escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]] prior to Chris's [[arrest]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with his [[Christian Weston Chandler|mentally challenged brother]] and being raised and abused by the same [[Barb|horrible mother]], Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]|[[Operation Snowball]]|[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]}}

Cole was born on 24 July 1963, to mother [[Barbara Chandler]], and father [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who divorced Barbara before Cole was born. Barb has claimed that Jack Dale Smithey was Cole's father, who she claimed to have married, but their relationship is shrouded in mystery, and Cole has spent years trying to figure out if Barbara was truly ever married to Jack. He was mainly raised by Barbara and her later husband, stepfather Jerry Harmon. Harmon used to perform as a magician, and Cole frequently performed alongside him in his stage act entitled [[Operation Snowball]].

Cole has stated his childhood was fraught with abuse. In [[Cole Smithey E-mails|e-mails exchanged with his half-brother Chris]], Cole particularly singled out Barbara for her treatment of him, stating she would abuse him via methods like bare spankings and cold showers. He also called out Jerry for his treatment of him as well, though he has also been more charitable to him in other accounts, so it's more than likely Barb who treated him the worst. In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounted an incident where Barbara fired a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him, and almost certainly contributed to him eventually leaving home in 1980.

As a kid, he got into music, film and comics as a hobby.<ref>[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]</ref> He stated he was a big fan of [[wikipedia:Kiss (band)|Kiss]], and attended drum lessons at the age of 12. He saw his first R-rated movie, ''{{w|The Big Boss|Fists of Fury}}'', at the age of 8.

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

===California (1980-96)===
Cole left home in 1980 at the age of 16 or 17 and moved to California.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Not long after moving, he had a sinus infection which came close to killing him.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> This was the second of at least three near-death encounters in his life. Cole's LinkedIn profile states that he attended [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] from 1981 and earned a Dramatic Art degree in Music in 1984.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college he was the drummer for a [[wikipedia:Poway, California|Poway]]-based punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs" which played shows in the San Diego area. The band was formed in 1981 and broke up in 1985.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref>

Cole later moved to Northern California. At some point he attended [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] and [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]], where he pursued a similar course of study. His LinkedIn profile does not mention him receiving a degree from either school.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> In July 1989 the Chandler household, including Chris, flew to San Francisco to celebrate Cole's 26th birthday. This was the only time they came to visit him during his entire 16-year tenure in California. By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded" and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

In 1996 he moved to New York.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[List of toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned in ''Time'' magazine for being the first critic to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', breaking the ''Toy Story'' franchise's string of perfect scores on RT.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a pretentious wannabe hipster douchebag and the other being a socially-stunted mentally-ill manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

He brands himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World." (A title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked.<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years are literally thousands of times more popular than those of his relatively more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|''Freddy Got Fingered'']] (a film often considered to be one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{quote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondence with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="Email"/> His brother-in-law, John Kyle, sang at his wedding. John later commented on [[Message for John Kyle]], where he mentions Cole.

{{quote|He's a great guy. He's my brother in law, and he's never mentioned Chris to me. I think he's doing his best to distance himself from this. You all should too.|John Kyle<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref>}}

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders's rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the [[Dimensional Merge]] happens.

It remains unknown how Cole reacted to the news that Chris was committing [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with Barb, except for the fact that he stopped allowing [[Twitter]] users to reply to his tweets and deleted one tweet from [[July 2021]] which had been flooded with replies about incest.

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
{{Quote|The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates. The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.|Cole Smithey on his complicated relationship with his biological mother and stepfather.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.}}
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="Email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices. As the [[Financhu Crisis]] progressed, Barb has seemingly expressed interest in meeting Cole, although it's not clear if this is to try to mooch off of her son or if she wants to try to bond with him before she croaks.

Of course, Cole would do well not to bother with Chris and Barb's (dubious) pleas for a visit, given Barb's history of manipulation and dishonesty (such that he even once [[Cole Smithey E-mails|referred to her actions as "pathological behaviour"]]), not to mention her history of abusing him during his formative years.

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 6 [[September 2011]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] took Cole's wish of knowing when his stepfather died, contacting him using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, its existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (other users)#Cole's reaction to Bob's death]]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Transgender|sister]]."]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris visited Cole in San Francisco along with Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This was the only time Chris had ever been on an airplane for 35 years,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he had ever been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

Cole's relationship with his family became somewhat closer after he moved back to the East Coast in 1996. He came to visit them in Virginia on various occasions, although they never visited him in New York. For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have been referring to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was at the 2004 Weston family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine#The_bowling_outing]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story (It's unclear why Cole expected anything else). Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). Chris's dismissive attitude only resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara than he already was. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In a leaked e-mail sent to Jackie on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding (Kyle would later reveal that, until the video was brought to his attention by a troll, he had not even known that his sister's husband had a half-brother).<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. He also claimed that relatives, including [[Jerry Harmon]] and [[Jack Dale Smithey]], had been lying to Cole about Barb, making him believe that Barb was abusive, when according to Chris, she's a good person.

In the same month, Chris tried to communicate with Cole on [[Twitter]],<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#29 June 2013]]</ref> basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.'' "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment "a few buildings down East 90th from Carnigee [''sic''] Hall" and that he once lived at Carnegie Hall itself.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> In reality, [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hall|Carnegie Hall]] is not near East 90th Street, and nobody lives ''at'' Carnegie Hall—it's a concert hall, not an apartment building. East 90th Street actually passes through [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hill|Carnegie ''Hill'']], a neighborhood on Manhattan's Upper East Side. This lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Chris and hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. This was in response to Cole asking his fans to pledge money to him on Patreon in a since-deleted video, suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, Chris tried to pledge to him but Cole blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref><ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Apologising to SNT for Redesign Rage]]</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref> [[Joshua Wise]] discouraged Chris from doing this, leading to him dropping the idea.

[[File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|thumb|A certificate sent to anyone who bought Cole's stuff]]

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018, mostly his comic books. He placed great value in the fact that these comic books belonged to Cole, supposedly seeing him as some sort of celebrity, even referring to him as his mantle "The World's Smartest Film Critic." He even went so far as to make certificates that confirmed that these comic books belonged to Cole.

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.<ref>[[To Cole Smithey, from Barb, and Sonichu (Prime)]]</ref>

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole," assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

In [[''Sonichu 7'']], the comic version of Chris mentions Cole by his full name, Joseph Cole Smithey, to classmate Joseph Herring. This was later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] to "Joe Cool" Smithey.

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied," and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>[[April 2019 social media posts#CWCVille's Pokemon Professor]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Jerry&ColeWithPlane.jpg|Young Cole with his stepdad [[Jerry Harmon]] with a plane.
File:JerryBarb&ColeDisasterHeadquarters.jpg|Jerry, young Cole & Barbara at a backstage of "Disaster Headquarters."
File:JerryBarb&Cole.jpg|King Karnak, Barbie & Cole, of [[Operation Snowball]].
File:ColeSkating.png|1977 - Teenage Cole skateboarding around the [[University of Virginia]].
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|1984 - Cole playing drums.
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in [[1994]].
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/mDT18 Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People who have blocked Chris]]

Cole Smithey

2024-06-21T11:23:01Z

Sorades:

Message for John Kyle

2024-06-21T10:41:05Z

Sorades:

'''Message for John Kyle''' is a video, leaked on 24 [[February 2014]], of [[Chris]] addressing [http://www.johnkyle.com/ John Kyle], a California [[wikipedia:Slowcore|slowcore]] musician and [[Cole Smithey]]'s brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding. The video was recorded on 22 [[June 2013]], more than three months after said wedding.

We learn that the rest of the Weston family have effectively disowned Chris and [[Barb]], that both were not invited to Cole's wedding(For good reason), and that Chris is in denial about Barb's [[Cole_Smithey#Childhood|mistreatment]] [[Saturday Night Special|of Cole]]. Especially telling is his remark about Cole "finally getting married," which is practically dripping with condescension.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Message for John Kyle
| ytid = fgILuA0LAjU
| stardate = 22 [[June 2013]]
| subject = {{other|Cole Smithey}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[You're Always Pretty]]
| next = [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013 ]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello, John Kyle. This is Christian Weston Chandler, Joseph Cole Smithey's half-brother. We share the same mother, [[Barbara Ann Weston Chandler]]. I understand that, uh, you have performed recently at his wedding a few months ago. I have just learned this.

Yeah, so he finally got married. [[Love Quest|Whoop-de-doo for him.]] Oh, and thank him for the invitation that we never [[Speech impediment|recei'ed]]. We would have RSVP'd sooner and actually ''come'' to the wedding had he actually invited me and our mother.

Anyway, I am sending you this video response because I wish to inquire about his, uh, current address so that my mother and I can at least be able to write to him personally, 'cuz she does miss him very much. I tried time and again to get hi- to contact him and get in touch with him, and my mother talked to him. He never responds.

Never responds! He should [[Affair with Mother|love his mother]]! She misses him!

Nearly 72 years old! Sh--she does not need to be treated like a piece of dirt. She is a lot better than that, regardless of what anybody has lied to Cole about. Everything he heard from anybody outside the house. Even Jerry, his father-in-law, or... Jack, I think was the name of his real father? They all lie to him about wha--how, about the kind of person Barbara Ann is, and was.

So at least have the common decency to res- to reply to us, brother! It's been, like, what? Over a decade since the last... the final ever family reunion in [[Wikipedia:Red Oak, Virginia|Red Oak]]? Everybody hates us there now since [[Aunt Corrina|Corrina]] died!

[''[[stress sigh]]'']

Anyway, uh, if you know his address, John, please refer to me- relay it to me and you may share this video with Cole as well next time you talk to him. Thank you and have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[You're Always Pretty]]|nextlink=[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]|}}

== John Kyle's Response ==
On August 28, 2015, John Kyle responded to a comment on YouTube asking if he had ever seen the video. When pressed for details, he responded with a full story of his introduction to the video - and, by proxy, the world of Christian Weston Chandler as a whole - on September 2.<ref>[http://i.imgur.com/2vRXvLo.png Screencap]</ref> His identity can be verified by the account from which he posted the comments, which has been active since 2009 and links to his website and performances.
[[File:JohnKyleResponse.jpg|thumb|John's response]]
John Kyle's response sheds a few details on the life of Cole Smithey, such as the revelation that he has never mentioned his [[autistic]] Internet superstar half-brother - not even to his family-in-law.

{{quote|Yes, I'm the legendary John Kyle to whom Chris sent this video message. I didn't know about it until a year ago when [[Weening|someone]] sent me a link to this video, with the strange message: "Welcome to the World of Chris-Chan." I said to myself, "What the fuck does that mean?" I clicked on the link and watched, completely bewildered. "Who is this [[Tomgirl|very odd person]] addressing me?" As I watched the video I couldn't help being both amused and sad, because [[Slow-in-the-minds|something was obviously wrong]] with this guy. As it dawned on me exactly who he was, how sick he is, and what was going on here, I became disgusted at this equally-as-sick [[Trolls|community]] that gets off on goading and bullying him. We're all going to [[Chris and death|die]] someday, maybe soon. You've got better things do do with the time you've been given than playing around in this sad cesspool. I hope. As for Cole, he's a [[JERKS|great guy]]. He's my brother in law, and he's never mentioned Chris to me. I think he's doing his best to distance himself from this. You all should too. Go do awesome things, help people, create something cool. Find out what you really love and DO IT. For me, it's music.|John Kyle}}

Needless to say, John does not seem to have carried Chris's message on to Cole as requested, likely not wanting to drag Cole back into the madness.

==References==

<references />

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2013]]

Enablers

2024-06-20T10:52:52Z

Sorades: /* Attention whores */

{{Honest}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Helena Fiorenza with Magi-Chan.jpg|300px|thumb|[[Helena Fiorenza]], a fantasy enabler who feeds into Chris's delusion that Magi-chan is real.]]
'''Enablers''', or '''Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu''' ('''DoCCS''') as Chris has termed them,<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1190784675750514688</ref> are those who encourage Chris's negative behavior and/or self-destructive habits.

Enablers can be divided into two main classes: the first being financial enablers throwing money at Chris, and the second being the fantasy enablers endorsing Chris's [[Ego|grandiose]] delusions. They are not necessarily limited to doing these. The overall characteristic that defines all enablers is that they perform an action with the sole purpose of encouraging Chris to live like a child, whether it be encouraging him not to be employed, providing him his most basic needs, roleplaying with him, and much, much more.

Some enablers (and [[white knights]]) fall into a sub-group referred to as Anti-Trolls, those who try to ward other trolls and Tetrad members away from Chris to have him for themselves. These are not to be confused with [[Counter-Trolls|counter-trolls]], who primarily fight against trolls to protect Chris, rather to troll him themselves.

==Gatekeepers==
'''Gatekeeping''' refers to controlling access to Chris. It is used by [[trolls]] to prevent [[white knights]] and wannabe trolls from interfering, and by white knights to prevent trolls from contacting Chris.

The [[Miscreants]] troll group, for example, actively interfered with white knight attempts to help Chris by deleting their emails before Chris could read them or by manipulating Chris to believing the white knights were leaking information.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Subverted White Knights]]</ref>

The [[Watchmen]], a white knight/enabler group, tried to gatekeep Chris from trolls. In the case of [[Larry Vaughn]], they pointed out Chris shouldn't interact with him, though Chris insisted. In the case of [[Jacob Sockness]], they had Chris record [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness]] to discourage Sockness from completing his trip to see Chris.

==Fantasy enablers==
[[Chris and reality|Chris's grip on what is real]] and what is being fed to him was [[PandaHalo|never]] [[Julie|that]] [[Ivy|robust]] to begin, and has eroded even further after years of [[sagas|being deliberately misled]]. It has wasted away to such an extent that he is nearly incapable of distinguishing seemingly even what ideas come from his head and what came from others. Enablers exploit this fact by presenting Chris with their own invented information about the [[Dimensional Merge]] or Chris's [[imaginary friends]], validating his thoughts and convincing him that [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|he is not alone]]. A prime example of this is [[Jacob Sockness]], who used fictional dialogue between various characters between Chris's characters and his own imaginary pantheon. Chris fully believed that this dialogue was legitimate and expressed that he had heard it himself. Collectively, these enabler fabrications are known as the '''cult of the Idea Guys''', for they had their root in the Idea Guys' example and have become the basis of [[Chris and religion#Doctrines of CWCianity|Chris's religious beliefs]]. This pseudo cult's name is meant to poke fun at how Chris has incorporated all of his beliefs, and turned it into a religion, where followers worship him as their God. Since the [[Idea Guys]] saga showed to everyone by mid-[[2018]] that Chris really was this gullible, the go-to method for those trying to influence Chris has been to act as enablers of his delusions, replacing the previous method of posing as [[sweethearts]].

==Financial enablers==
Beside sanctioning his belief in his own divinity, there is one other way that enablers have found in winning Chris over: through his wallet. Though his situation is not nearly as dire as during the [[Financhu Crisis]] some years ago, Chris remains as [[Chris and money|irresponsible with money]] and [[Chris and work|adamant not to work]] as always. As a result, it is always precarious at best. Providing him with the money he regularly requests, whether through lavishing him with expensive gifts, buying his [[Chris and business|overpriced, shoddy merchandise]] or [[Patreon|donating monthly for comics he does not want to make]], is a technique used by enablers who can afford it as [[Sarah and Steve]], and even some who cannot, as [[Aly Hirschberg]], to present themselves to Chris as being kindly and selfless, often in combination with worshiping and joining in his role-playing. Over the years, Chris has gotten thousands from his audience in the form of donations and considerations. He has received thousands more in sales through storefronts such as [[eBay]] and [[Etsy]].

As the notice on our homepage suggests, '''the CWCki strongly advises against giving Chris money'''.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Amount
! From
! Date received
! Details
|-
|A laptop computer
|A ween in North Carolina
|[[August 2011]]
|Chris spoke about it in [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]. A common theory is that the laptop had been infected with a keylogger, but Chris outsmarted the ween by upgrading the computer.
|-
|$500
|[[Kiwi Farms]]
|[[January 2014]]
|Donated by fans after the house fire.<ref>[[Destruction Of Chris's House#Aftermath and reaction]]</ref>
|-
|$150
|Fans
|[[September 2014]]
|From a Kickstarter campaign in which Chris explicitly stated he would use it to buy [[Lego]]s.<ref>[[Kickstarter]]</ref>
|-
|$1,000
|[[DStecks]]
|[[September 2015]]
|Donated during the climax of his review series of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' to fund the production of new pages for the comic; Chris used it to buy a new bed (arguably one of his only sensible purchases in recent years) but then failed to keep his side of the deal for almost two years.
|-
|$500
|[[Sonic Rainboom (Kiwi Farms user)]]
|[[September 2015]]
|Sent Chris a Visa card with $500.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Sonic Rainboom)#Gift Card]]</ref> Later admitted doing it to get "interesting content".<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Sonic Rainboom)#Explanation]]</ref>
<center><gallery>
File:Sonic rainboom $500 1.png|Rainboom spent $500 to find that Chris likes McDonald's.
File:Sonic rainboom $500 2.jpg
File:Sonic rainboom $500 3.jpg
</gallery></center>
|-
|Hundreds
|Mostly [[weens]]
|Summer 2016
|During the [[Financhu Crisis]], a pattern formed of Chris begging for money, then briefly stating that he had received donations before begging for more money.
|-
|$2,650
|Selling [[Relics of Fail]]
|August 2016 onwards
|[[Megatron pistol]] ($50), [[Sonic Totem]] ($1,500), [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] ($100), [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|ShecameforCWC]] ($1,000, as part of a set).
|-
|$4,816.43
|[[Patreon]]
|December 2016 - August 2021
|Chris earned pledges from fans and weens every month.
|-
|$1,000
|Selling binders of old Pokémon and UFS cards.
|January 2018 to 2019
|Four binders of cards.<ref>[[eBay]]</ref> At least one was purchased by a seller hoping to resell the individual cards.
|-
|$100
|Selling stained pages of [[Sonichu 14|''Sonichu'' #14]]
|February 2018
|Literally selling trash.
|-
|$1,300
|[[Jack Jankowski]]<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/page-4#post-3273576</ref>
|April 2018
|Jack gave Chris $1,200 for a luxury trip to the 2018 [[BronyCon]] in the hopes that he would get to meet him there. Chris thanked him for the money in [[I have been paid to go; we’ll see if I can go (Seriously To Be Determined)]]. Jack also paid $100 for a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|video (which Chris decided to bookend with unrelated begging announcements)]].
|-
|$1,000
|[[Miss Cherry]]
|July 2018
|Tried the pay-to-play method to being Chris's next sweetheart and failed.
|-
|$391
|[[Aly Hirschberg]]<ref name=interview>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5482182 Hirschberg admits she bought the blankets, 19 October 2019]</ref>
|Summer 2018
|{{quote|it’s about 3 hours wages for me, I don’t mind spending that on some christory}}

During summer 2018, an anonymous "vRS Davison" said in YouTube's comments section that she decided to spend $200 to buy an old blanket from Barb on [[eBay]], because she somehow considered it to be a piece of "Christory".<ref>[[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW]]</ref>

It evidently was not enough to pay a ridiculous sum of money for one blanket, as when Barb put more blankets up for sale,<ref>[[2018 Sales Listings#Barbara's Blankets]]</ref> vRS Davison purchased another one for $100, plus $25 shipping.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/page-124#post-3691978</ref> In [[October 2019]], Aly Hirschberg would reveal that she purchased them through a US proxy.

In November 2019, she paid for a $41 set of [[TSSSF]] cards.<ref>http://archive.md/xJPcM</ref> and gave $50 for a Magi-Chan medallion<ref>http://archive.md/tza90</ref>
|-
|$500
|Jill Duncan<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/page-189#post-4317687</ref>
|February 2019
|A "Jill Duncan" pledged $500 per month to Chris's Patreon, asking to speak to Chris, then cancelled the pledge ten days later (but because Chris's Patreon account is set to "upfront payment", Chris still got the initial $500 and used it to purchase a replacement [[Xbox]]). There is no indication Chris ever spoke to Jill, as she requested.
|-
|$400
|[[Sarah and Steve]]
|Spring 2019
|Bought Chris a Nintendo Switch ($300), gave him $100 on Patreon. Also claimed to have funded a room for him at the 2019 BronyCon ($600) but pulled it due to Chris not paying attention to them.
|-
|~$2,000
|[[Joseph Draft]]
|April 2019
|According to the creator of [[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]], who was approached by Draft before the now infamous trailer was relisted, in order to get footage for a documentary, he had payed Chris and Barb an undisclosed amount.<ref>https://youtu.be/HP_fIAJLI2w?t=489</ref> Assuming that the Kickstarter was meant to cover the costs ''already made'', the budgeted $2,000 as payment for the "collaborators"<ref>https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jdraft/chris-chan-vs-the-internet</ref> is the maximum amount Chris and Barb could have been given, from the information available.
|-
|$200
|David90637947
|May 2019
|Commissioned Chris via Twitter for a Sonichu [[medallion]], shelling out $200 in order to get Chris's attention (medallions were $30 each when Chris sold them on Ebay). Became a Twitter white knight for Chris, until Chris mass blocked some perceived trolls, including David.
<center><gallery>
File:David90637947 pleading for a medallion.png|David pleading for the chance to buy a Sonichu medallion.
File:David90637947's medallion request.png|Chris acknowledges him after he waves $200.
File:David90637947's $200 Sonichu medallion.jpg|The received medallion.
File:David90637947's review.png|David's glowing review.
File:David90637947 blocked.png|Whining over being blocked by Chris.
</gallery></center>
|-
|$600
|BronyCon donor
|July 2019
|After Chris repeatedly begged on Twitter for $600 to fund a hotel room after his previous plan fell through (crashing with [[Sarah and Steve]], who had ghosted him earlier because Chris kept ignoring their messages), a fan donated to Chris.<ref>[[July 2019 social media posts]]</ref>
|- class="sortbottom"
|-
|$190
|Luke
|October 2020
|A fan from Pennsylvania named Luke paid Chris $190 to autograph a variety of items which he intended to resell for profit. Chris delivered the signed goods to Luke's house personally.<ref>[[Pennsylvania Trip]]</ref>
|-
|Unknown
|Weens
|August 2021 - March 2023
|Various fans have been making donations to Chris while in jail. Chris claims that he used this money to pay back the remainder of the $750 he stole from [[Barbara]] when he was forced out of his house in July as well as to buy numerous items from the jail's commissary shop. These include clothing, toiletries, writing materials, radio batteries, two Turkish prayer rugs and numerous soft drinks and food items. Chris estimated his jail expenses to be about $50 per week.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021]]</ref> In the [[Jail Call - 1 November 2021|jail call]] from November 1 Chris makes reference to one particularly "generous donation" he had recently received.
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="3"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|~$17,806.43
|}

==Motives for enabling Chris==
There are several motives people make for enabling Chris, these include the following.

===To profit off of the community surrounding Chris===
Many of these enablers are opportunistic hacks who aim to use Chris's platform to launch their career. These people do not have the talent required to making anything worthwhile and bait Chris into talking about them to help launch their career.

A recent enabler, [[Ben Saint]], badly attempted to develop a saga of his own within Christory by copying what Alec Benson Leary did, which was to promote his own media and make money off of the fools who would buy that stuff. To do this, he fed into Chris's delusions, and added [[Sonichu Special 7|some of his own characters]] into the Sonichu comics.

===Joining the creative community surrounding Chris===
{{Protip|Nobody is stopping you from making fan media. If you want to, then by all means do so, but just ''try to make sure Chris himself doesn't see it''.}}
Observers of Chris often include people who enjoy drawing, animation, fanfic writing, cosplay and the like as a hobby. While many will post their artwork at places strictly for discussing Chris, such as [[Kiwi Farms]] or [[Reddit]], to keep their distance from Chris, enablers approach Chris directly with their fanart on [[Twitter]] or [[Discord]]; with the intent of seeking his opinion, despite knowing full well he has issues distinguishing [[reality]] from fantasy and will interpret their artwork as it happening literally. Over time, these enablers built up a community for sharing their artwork, with the side-effect of affirming Chris's fantasies.

===Attention whores===
Some of these enablers desperately seek attention, and approval from Chris is something they crave for the most. They want attention and they obviously don't get any at home, so the CWCki is the next best alternative to get it. People such as [[MKRNightVee]], [[Helena Fiorenza]], [[Jacob Sockness]], [[Sarah and Steve]] and Richard Righteous come under this category. They often ardently defend Chris's beliefs about being an all powerful goddess and getting into lengthy arguments with others over their actions.

===To make Chris produce content artificially===
For most people, it would be utterly despicable to manipulate someone as mentally ill as Chris, let alone so that he can become a means for their enjoyment. For the enablers with more spiteful intents in mind, they would argue that the reason that they are further deluding Chris is because it would encourage him to produce more content. They would tell Chris all kinds of nonsensical stories, just so that he can act like their own personal lolcow to laugh at.

==="I'm just supporting him/her/them"===
[[File:CWCLivestream Fan, 12 Feb. 2020.png|thumb|right|[[Other enablers#Eschcal|Eschcal]], seen here donating $10 to Chris, shows all the hallmarks of an enabler, in that they pretend to be a fan and hope their financial donations will make Chris do what they want - in reality, Chris is most likely using their cash to buy [[Video games]].]]
This argument is most common among the more white knight- or social justice-oriented crowd. Those who take this approach see Chris as a victim of the "alt-right trolls" or whatever villain of the week has been created to oppress them. As such, to them Chris is a beautiful, unique creature who is to be coddled and praised, regardless of the merit of that praise. Often this praise will be sycophantic in nature, with constant praise of Chris' artistic ability and creative genius. Another common narrative is that Chris is a grown adult who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, easily separating the wheat from the chaff in regards to orbiters. [[Sarah and Steve|We'll let you]] [[Jacob Sockness|decide how]] [[Idea Guys|competent he is]].

===To protect him from other enablers===

Some enablers have already realized that it is impossible to communicate to Chris unless they can entertain his beliefs, so they attempt to assist Chris by, at first, playing into his own fantasies and then subsequently attempting to dismantle those fantasies from the inside, or encourage less harmful ones. However, attempts at doing so have mostly failed.

==Arguments against enabling Chris==

Whether you intend to help Chris, make him fall further into his delusions, or attempt to pull a [[Liquid Chris]] on him by playing along with his delusions, there are a handful of reasons for why enabling Chris generally is not considered a good idea by most people.

===Enabling Chris gives him a motive to never change===

It goes without saying, but if one's beliefs are confirmed all of the time by the people that surround them, they have very little reason to change the way they are. This kind of "helping" Chris is what made him so [[Ego|egocentric]] and [[Nostalgia|puerile]] in the first place, and that was when it was just his parents enabling him. Even if you ''do'' have good intentions and a genuine desire to help Chris, this way of "helping" is ironically one of the most harmful things you can do to him. By reinforcing the delusional state of a mentally ill person, you are doing nothing but unintentionally making their life worse. On one hand, fantasy enablers will play into Chris's desire to relive his childhood. On the other hand, financial enablers will constantly donate him money out of guilt. The actions from both groups combined have made Chris deny any sort of adult responsibilities because it made him believe that he can [[Chris and work|sit on his ass all day]], [[Magical thinking|daydreaming]], as other people provide his basic needs for him.

The impact of the [[Idea Guys]] has been ''catastrophic'' to both Chris's mental state and the Sonichu universe: in recent years, Chris's mental state has deteriorated from fantasy-prone escapism to complete detachment from [[reality]]. Chris has become so delusional that he believes he is married to several Sonic recolors and a Pokémon as part of a [[polyamorous marriage]], is a goddess with psychic powers, and is worshiped by millions as their lord and savior.

By indulging Chris – that is, encouraging a {{age|1982|2|24}}-year-old man to believe he is really a deity and [[anime]] character after he was tricked into thinking that in the first place – '''you are only making things worse''', and even helping to perpetuate the Idea Guys' machinations. When a person has deluded themselves into a belief that is potentially harmful to themselves and others, the best thing to do is not to reinforce said delusion, but rather to get the person professional help. Telling him that [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|others]] agree with his nonsense only causes him to become even further detached from [[Chris and reality|the real world]] than he already is.

Agreeing with Chris that he is the holy patroness of [[Commodore 64|a computer from the '80s]] and that cartoon characters will soon [[Chris and religion#Afterlife and eschatology|start showing up]] in the real world has also proven a prerequisite to interacting with him for any extended period of time. Even if you do not intend to indulge in his fantasies, you cannot interact with him normally to undo any of of the damage done by enablers. The [[Guard Dogs]], who originally intended to keep Chris from getting manipulated again, also needed to play along by alleging that Chris's [[Amnyfest Ring]] was causing psychic chaos to gain their position over him. Most who are willing to play along with Chris in this way would justify their actions to third parties by professing they are doing this to help Chris in the end. Unfortunately, despite their efforts, Chris had refused to cooperate with them any further, and decided to go back to his fantasy world and continue falling for other enablers, no matter what they said or did to him.

Rarely does [[Ben Saint|interacting with him yourself]] to tell him about your world clashing with his create the same effect as him getting angry over [[Sonic Boom Protests|a minor character design alteration]] or getting irrationally mad at a nonexistent enemy. In the past, some of the best Chris content has come from his own head and actions.

Most of the time he is not even bothered by it anymore, seeing it as another happenstance in the world he created himself. This proves that by enabling Chris, you are doing the exact opposite of what triggers the best of Chris by giving him what he wants or further confirming him and lulling him into a sense of complacency where he is less likely to produce meaningful and/or entertaining content. Chris will always try to get what he wants, whether or not it is good for him. To add salt to an open wound, Chris has previously stated that trolling efforts from people like the [[Teen Troon Squad]] do not faze him at all, purely because they agreed with his views and were polite to him. Therefore, it would be insane to even think that trolling Chris in this fashion would get a laugh out of anyone.

Chris also no [[Chris and science|longer believes in basic scientific principles]], especially in the the [[biology]] department, and already believes himself, and presumably himself alone, to completely understand the difference between what is real and what is fictional.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1205200341677084673</ref> He believes that all diseases are a result of extreme stress, and that by being psychically connected to a virus, he can completely obliterate whatever ails him. For example, when Chris got a cold on December 2019, he believed that the primary reason for this was due to how he was triggered by the redesigns of his Sonichu characters by [[ProjectSNT]]. If Chris gets inflicted with a disease, he will tell himself that said illnesses simply arose from his emotions and disturbances from other dimensions, as opposed to acknowledging he's ill and taking steps to help himself. To continuously try and enable him with these beliefs, Chris gets put at risk of suffering even worse ailments without the proper care or treatment. Thus, '''when you enable Chris' delusions, you are directly putting his life in danger.'''

===The knowledge gap between you and Chris===
Since the very beginning, Chris has had [[Autism|difficulties]] in empathizing with other people, or seeing things through their point of view. This especially holds true today, where he has become absorbed within his fantasy land. Some fantasy enablers, particularly in the artist community, might believe they are not doing any harm by drawing fanart or fancomics that Chris likes. However, these people are fully aware that what they draw is simply fiction – Chris is not. '''Chris doesn't care about your fanart the way you think he would'''. He now sees it as evidence he can use to confirm his beliefs about the universe. Directly giving Chris fanart encourages his retreat from reality as he then spends time "astral-projecting" to the dimension he believes the artwork depicts instead of working on improving his real-world life. There is nothing inherently wrong with creating fanart of Sonichu or Sonichu characters, however doing things such as creating a persona Twitter account, aggressively pushing your art on Chris, and RPing as your character does make it highly likely that Chris will use the art as an excuse to recede deeper into his fantasy world.

===Getting sucked into drama surrounding Chris===
[[File:NoticeMeSenpai.jpg|thumb|Imagine this, but as a flame war over Chris.]]
The time and energy spent on getting sucked into drama, just to see who can influence Chris the most, is one of the classic signs of enabling. Because of how trolling Chris is the one-way ticket to fame for some, and due to the amount of people going by the Idea Guys' techniques, there has been a constant power struggle between groups of enablers vying for Chris's attention. Enablers have been trying to ward off one another in order to reign Supreme.

An example is a group with [[Jacob Sockness]] and [[Sarah and Steve]] clashing against a group with [[MKRNightVee]] and [[AquaDiamond8]]. Sockness, perceiving MKRNightVee as a barrier to his schemes, embarked on a smear campaign maligning her to Chris and nearly succeeded. MKRNightVee found herself in the precarious position of both doubling down on her allegiance to Chris's beliefs to keep her in his graces, while trying to convince him that the parts of his beliefs that Sockness planted into his mind were invalid – representing time and effort going to enabling.

As you may have guessed by now, this is a very sad situation to find yourself in. You are fighting endlessly over the same weirdo who does not know or care that people are fighting over him, and you are putting yourself at the risk of becoming massive trollbait yourself by doing it.

===You won't be able to influence Chris forever===
Chris's fantasy beliefs getting validated just leaves an opening for others to eventually use down the line to manipulate him. An example is how a wave of copycats sprang up in the wake of the ousting of the [[Idea Guys]], with several successfully adapting their tactics to circumvent the efforts of the [[Guard Dogs]] to protect Chris.

A related example is [[MKRNightVee]], who took a page from the Idea Guys' playbook, pretending to be a [[CPU]] goddess to align herself with Chris's beliefs. MKRNightVee claimed the charade was for helping Chris, however by feeding into his delusions, she made it easier for others like [[Jacob Sockness]] to tap into Chris's beliefs to manipulate him in another direction.

===You will always be assumed to be acting in bad faith, regardless of your motives===
Due to how many white knights and weens have been using the same technique of playing along with Chris' fantasies, it has become much more difficult for Chris to determine if someone's been messing with him, or if they're genuinely trying to help him. Due to his continued façade of [[Chris and kindness|kindness]] towards other people, he will of course always go for believing them first until they betray him. Therefore, enablers are always placed on the same level of people like A-Logs and weens by Christorians, and are readily assumed to be acting in bad faith, no matter what they intend to do with Chris.

The confidence built by playing make-believe with Chris has been abused several times, and made people complete laughing-stocks of the internet as a result. [[Sarah and Steve]], [[Multidimensional White Knights]] and [[Jacob Sockness]] would all get their foot in the door by affirming Chris's beliefs, in some instances pretending to channel fictional characters ''from other [[dimensions]]'', and then betray that trust for their own entertainment. Onlookers from [[Kiwi Farms]] and the [[CWCki]] itself have watched white knights reveal themselves in fact to be weens many times before. The CWCommunity at large treats weens [[Weening#If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself|without mercy]]. Even if you are not like the many traitors in recent Christory, it is impossible to get through to Chris any longer without deceiving him, and such guile is not looked upon favourably. Others have poisoned the well before you. '''You will be assumed to be acting in bad faith if you try to influence Chris for any reason, and treated accordingly'''.

===If you fail hard enough, you will be laughed at by the internet===
[[File:Helena Fiorenza and Magi-Chan6.jpg|thumb|300px|Trust us, it's just not worth it!]]

At one point or another, you will be caught in the act, and you are going to have to spill the beans on your elaborate trolling scheme. Before you can even do so, someone is likely going to stumble across some really embarrassing information about you when they are trying to track down your motives. Remember, if you enable Chris, you will be assumed to be acting in bad faith, so the last thing you would want to do is show off, [[Idea Guys|especially when others tell you to stop]]. Most enablers do not appear to be aware of the dire consequences of sharing their brilliant plans on various sites that either target Chris or ones he regularly uses, and they thus become the site's laughing stock of the month, just by skipping this caveat in their plans.

An infamous example of this is the failed trolling plan of [[Sarah and Steve]]. Sarah first got the attention of Chris by asking for a Rosechu medallion, which Chris had undoubtedly agreed to after they bribed him with a Nintendo Switch. Sarah then told Chris that she and Steve would move over to Virginia to be his only friends to "help" him out by giving him endless gifts and playing pretend with him as a means of further deluding Chris. This has brought them negative attention from trolls. Even more so when they made a rise up when they tried to get themselves noticed by other prominent enablers to be declared "King of the Weens".

A more infamous example would be [[Jacob Sockness]], an amateur sorcerer from San Francisco who pretended to be sexually attracted to Chris. When he was discovered by the Kiwi Farms in 2018, he became one of the site's most popular topics of discussion due to his many absurd obsessions and mannerisms. He too had a lot in common with Chris, being autistic, receiving a monthly tugboat, and believing to possess magical powers.

[[Miss Cherry]] had also proven himself to be a target of ridicule after he had posted in an inactive thread about him on the [[Kiwi Farms]], just so that he can leak his trolling plan and show off. The Farms naturally did not approve of this, and were not reluctant to dox him. This was made worse when he decided to double down and continuously talk about how Internet famous all of this would make him.

So the next time you attempt to troll Chris through enabling, always remember that you are at a great risk of being a target of ridicule yourself.

===If you’re successful enough, it can come off as just plain depraved===
Out of the four groups represented in the Unholy Tetrad, enablers can arguably be considered some of the worst in many cases. Just like with A-Logging, and Carpetbagging, the biggest reason of all for why you should not enable Chris with malicious intents in mind is for the legal liability. For some enablers, enabling Chris is more than just a game to mess with his comics. It can get to the point where they realize they can use his gullibility as a tool to do such malicious things to himself. Some can even tell him to go as far as telling him to commit abuse to both himself, and to other people, as well as extort money from him.<ref>[[The Chris-Chan Extortionists]]</ref> If this is to show you anything about enabling Chris with the intent of trolling him, it is that if you go far enough with this practice, ''you'' will become the villain, rather than the funniest guy in the chatroom.

===Money given to Chris will not help sustain him===
After reading the above, you might realize that role playing with Chris will not place you on the trolling [[honor roll]] anytime soon, yet you might still wish to help him, and consider some kind of monetary contribution instead. This is also a bad idea. Up until [[August 2021]], Chris was adequately [[14 Branchland Court|housed]] and fed (even if both leave [[Tour of Chris's House III|much to]] [[Obesity|be desired]]), and his [[monthly tugboat]] from the United States government provided him and [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] with necessary financial support enough that he, in fact, used to make more money ''doing absolutely nothing'' than the average household worldwide gets for an entire family's labour.<ref>Social Security Disability Insurance [https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/082015/what-are-maximum-social-security-disability-benefits.asp pays on average] $1,237 monthly, so $29,688 yearly for Chris and Barb combined. For comparison, the [https://news.gallup.com/poll/166211/worldwide-median-household-income-000.aspx global median household income] is $9,733.</ref> He certainly was not destitute.

[[Chris and money|Chris's relationship with money]] is unhealthy. While he has not got himself into as much of a bind as Barb has, he lacks the forethought to save money for the future and attend to his financial affairs in a responsible way. He often spends his money on frivolities and then turns to his fanbase to pay for necessary expenses that he could have covered himself had he not squandered his money away. While concerns for what will become of Chris after his mother passes are legitimate, Chris evidently shows [[Chris and work|no concern for planning for his future]] when Barb is no longer with him, and any money that you give him now to help secure his future will be frittered away on ''[[My Little Pony]]'' merchandise or [[vidya]]. Giving him more money now just teaches him that he is free to live beyond his means without a shred of responsibility because people like you will be happy to foot the bill. '''Your money will be wasted in Chris's hands and is best kept out of them'''.

As of [[November 2021]] Chris is currently being held at the [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]] and is currently awaiting trial for the charge of [[Affair with Mother|incest]]. Arguably, [[Chris and nutrition#Prison food|jail food]] provides a much needed improvement over his regular diet. As such, sending money to his inmate account would likely be spent in [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|nothing but junk food]] from the commissary.

===It's just not worth it===
Seriously, don't even bother playing pretend with Chris at this point. At the end of the day, he's [[Chris and mental healthcare|a seriously mentally-ill individual]] in his forties, and is in dire need of assistance from professionals. No matter what zany scheme you can come up with in an attempt to bring back [[Saga#Classic_Chris_Era_.2827_October_2007_to_20_March_2010.29|the good old days]], the fact of the matter is that attempting to feed Chris's delusions is a bad idea. Those days have long since passed as Chris progressively deteriorates.

Playing into his psychosis to help him invent new ways to humiliate himself and become increasingly deluded about his place in the universe, solely for your entertainment, is not something that should be encouraged at this stage in his life. Likewise, it's repeatedly been established that the vast majority of attempts by trolls to try to trick him into improving himself in the long term end up being futile at best and damaging at worst. At this point, it appears that Chris is the only person that can seriously work at fixing his life, and tragically enough, he seems to be more comfortable [[Chris and reality|living in his own little world]] than rethinking his life to ensure a stable future.

==See also==

*[[Weening]]
*[[White knights]]
*[[Ben Saint]] – A case of desperately garnering Internet fame
*[[Jacob Sockness]]
*[[Idea Guys#Joshua Allen Wise|Joshua Wise]] – The original "Idea Guy"
*[[Other enablers|Other enablers of Chris's delusions]]
*[[Twitter#Post-jail_activity|Enabler Heaven]]

==References==

<references/>
{{Unholy}}
{{Fantasies}}
{{Money}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2024-06-20T07:56:41Z

Sorades: /* Aftermath */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]], if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you [[Dreams|Dream]] Smashing Son of a B****!|[[PSN blogs]]}}

[[File:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest]]

In [[2007|June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment [[United States of America|America]] (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP of Fail|PSPs]] and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==The Original Version==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|nJ3o3kQZWm8}}</center>

==Chris's Version: "Master Onion A-La Mode"==
To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the "Chop Chop Master Onion Rap". Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not having bothered to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from the [[PSEye]] program EyeCreate, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during when Chris first does the "[[duck]] and turn" part of the song. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', but in the end it made it turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen [[Chris and health|struggling to breathe]] from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise. Also, at one point, a fire effect is shown at the bottom of the screen. [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Make of that what you will]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| ytid = cEmM4JKZK8I
| stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Megan|text}} {{Stackhouse|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC is Angry]]
}}

{{collapsible|Transcript|
<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]]!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and go with him now.
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

[[CWC Fighter|Kick! Punch!]] It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get [[Rocky Shoemaker|rocky]],
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a [[Muscle bra|tit]]-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

[[Guitar Hero]] on [[PlayStation 3]]
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem>}}

==Campaign==
[[File:Stink Lines by Archwig.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation]]
{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper [''sic''] the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more)}}

Chris's video made it into the top 10, giving him just a small amount of luck as the contest was rather obscure (at the time) and a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]]. Chris asked for votes from many people:

* At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving it over. Obviously, no one voted.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality]]</ref>
* Chris badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Cole ended up never voting because either Chris did not care about Cole's plight, or he simply was just that lazy.
* Chris also asked Susan Hannifan,<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#July]]</ref> a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] guidance counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004]]</ref>
* Chris wrote ads on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]], [[CWC's Pokésite 2]], [[MySpace]], [[PSN blogs|PSN]], his [[Hot Wheels]] site, and his Bionicle site.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris wishes her a happy birthday, Megan still in Kentucky, Chris whores himself for votes]]</ref>

Chris also took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts. On the day before voting ended, he posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].{{clear}}

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, unsurprisingly, wrong.]]

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Being the narcissist manchild he is, Chris has bore a grudge against him for a long time, as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video is technically [[Wikipedia:A cappella|a cappella]]. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

Chris, of course, violated the rules to a far worse extent than Adam - inserting his own lyrics, to say nothing of rampant vote-stuffing. How Chris even made the top 10 is a mystery; the judges likely observed the obvious fact that something is [[Slow-in-the-Minds|wrong]] with Chris and took pity on him.

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (It is unknown why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
{{-}}

==Aftermath==

Infuriated over his loss, Chris sent an angry email to Sony executives on 3 [[August 2007]], blasting them for refusing to award him the Seattle trip.

The email is a whiny and rambling tirade where Chris begs for first prize, because winning the video game contest represented his only opportunity at losing his [[virgin with rage]] status to [[Megan Schroeder]] and giving birth to his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Furthermore, Chris accuses the company of discriminating against autistic individuals, solely for failing to reward them with [[Chris and his Ego|special treatment]]:<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#August]]</ref>

{{quote|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[stress sigh|sigh]]*

[[Chris and reality|I had my fantasies]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|having fun with Megan]], taking her to a really extravagent [''sic''] destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the [[Nintendo]] of America company tour, with her, playing [[Guitar Hero]] against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

[[CWC is Sad|Life can be soooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.]]

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( |}}

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against Adam and the other winners, using his time-honored "Kick the Autistic" crutch. When people told him to relax, he told them to shut up: this resulted in a temporary ban from PSN moderators.

The same day, Chris sent another angry e-mail to Sony executives, this time enclosing a systematic dissection of why everyone else's video was in violation of contest rules. Chris evidently [[Chris and hypocrisy|overlooked]] his own questionable ethics of mercilessly vote-stuffing with sockpuppet accounts and begging everyone on his e-mail contact list to vote for him. Sony later replied with a canned response, indicating that his letter was not even read at all and that Chris would need to resort to more drastic measures.

Two days later, Chris would continue his rampage against Adam Stackhouse by creating a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. That page substituted his own name for Stackhouse's and also included the following disclaimer:

{{quote|<nowiki>*</nowiki>The EX-Winner, Adam Stackhouse, was DISQUALIFIED on the grounds of violating the Official Rules on TWO COUNTS: 
-He Had Licensed BeatBox Music playing from a licensed BoomBox. 
-He Had his SISTER ILLEGALLY in the video without authorized consent. 
 
We of the Playstation Underground apologize for the confusion and inconvience of not having dealt with this INJUSTICE sooner. Please disregard any web pages that may state the contrary; they shall be taken down by our webmaster momentary}}

He then went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quote|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
<nowiki>http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms</nowiki>.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the [[List of Chris's Lies|Honest]], Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

Chris later escalated his campaign by producing a video titled [[CWC is Angry]]. In the video, Chris prints out a picture of Stackhouse and his sister and uses it as a pellet gun target for two continuous minutes. Although the video was originally intended to be a vindictive show of intimidation, the mood was spoiled by an episode of ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' blaring loudly in the background, not to mention Chris' weapon of choice was a [[Megatron pistol|toy]] [[Transformer]].

During Chris's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost because she had no interest in going on a trip alone with him, given his hands-on approach to their relationship. Whether or not she would have accompanied him, she was upset by his in-person interactions with her.

{{quote|First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the contest because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be.|Megan, shattering Chris' fantasy}}

The way Chris treated Adam and his sister after they won probably did not help matters either. Chris finally went on to claim that he had contracted a "[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body from slapping together his half-assed contest entry. From that point onwards, Megan's [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007|e-mail correspondence with Chris]] became much less frequent and a little cooler in tone, indicating that while [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] may have been the final nail in the coffin for their friendship, the fall-out from this contest was the first nail in that coffin.

Two versions of the video exist. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. This version is most likely the original version ''before'' Megan broke off contact with Chris, as is evidenced by [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Megan is annoyed and creeped out|an angry email she sent him after returning from her Kentucky trip]].<ref>"Also I can't say I like how '''you used my photo in your video'''... (emphasis added)</ref>

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to ease his pain from losing the contest--Parappathe''[[Rape|raping]]''<nowiki></nowiki>dog. [[Chris and English|Good job]].<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| ytid = TLN-6lKDdhI
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix of "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion Rap
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YfW82twiD5E}}
| maker = SiIvaGunner
| stardate = 25 [[May 2016]]
| type = High quality video game rip
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = MUSIC VIDEO - CWC PaRappa the Rapper Onion A-La Mode RE-ENACTMENT
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bw17ZHAMN98}}
| maker = CopperCab
| stardate = 19 [[October 2017]]
| type = Re-enactment of Chris's rap
}}

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*[https://gofile.io/d/AAEjJy Original file]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{StackhouseSaga}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-06-29]]
[[Category:Stackhouse Saga]]

Cole Smithey E-mails

2024-06-20T07:46:36Z

Sorades: Added a TL:DR

This page is a list of [[emails]] exchanged by [[Chris]] and his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] from March to July, [[2007]]. It was the first and last known interaction between them.

This conversation was in all likelihood initiated on Barb's behalf, to guilt trip Cole into becoming her personal piggy bank, like they tried several times afterwards up until Chris' arrest.

Chris started out by talking about his (then) current situation and then how much their [[Barb|mother]] loved Cole. Cole however, refuted the latter by giving Chris interesting revelations about his past, revealing to Chris how abusive and neglectful she really was towards him and how she lied about the identity of his biological father. Chris, however, reacted dismissively, derailing the conversation by asking Cole to vote for him in a Playstation [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]], rather than listening to his older half-brother's insights on their abusive, neglectful mother.

At the end of the conversation, Cole voiced his frustration at Barb's refusal to come clean to Cole about the identity of his biological father, whom she insisted was [[Jack Smithey|Jack Dale Smithey]], only for Cole to track him down all the way to Florida and find out that he was neither his biological father, nor were they ever married. When Cole confronted Barb, she just hung up on Cole.

Notice that Cole's side of the conversation starts well-versed and polite, but prolonged exposure to Chris makes him obscene and mean-spirited. Not shockingly, it seems Chris (and the thought of Barbara) brings out the worst in him.

Years later, Chris would go to claim [[Message for John Kyle|that Cole was just being lied to]] and Barb was actually a good person.

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 4, 2007

Remember your lil' bro.? It's me, Christian C. It's been a long while. I'm doing good. I graduated from [[PVCC]] with two [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] Degrees. And currently, I'm getting by with livin' with my folks and a [[monthly tugboat]]. [[Barbara|Mama]] is doing okay; she's been retired for like over a year now; she feels happier not having to rush back-and-forth through traffic and all that [[stress|hustle and bustle]]. But currently, she mostly sleeps on the couch during a bunch of the day, yet she does get up sometimes to go out with the family or do some work. We haven't seen much of our aunts either.

I have talked to mom, and I quote her when she said, "I do not regret giving life to Cole. We've had a bunch of good years up till the madness. And all things considered I still love Cole very much like any mother would for her son." She really does. :) And I have

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 6, 2007

It's very Christian of [[Barbara]] to not regret having given birth to me but I'm an {{w|atheism|atheist}}. I also have no
regrets about emerging from her womb. Although, she is mistaken about the "bunch of good years"
we supposedly had together. I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former
stepfather [[Jerry]], where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings
to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults. The
treatment I received in [[Richmond]], Va was another matter altogether. To raise a child in such
conditions is inexcusable. Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They
were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather
not remember.

As for Barbara professing her "love" for me, I have not seen any evidence of it in close to 20 years,
and that's a very long time. Barbara's definition of love is [[CWC-isms|a hackneyed sentimental term she uses to
extract a response]]. Love is not something you say, it's something you do by staying in contact with
a person, visiting, communicating, asking questions and answering them. You will remember that in
the 16 years that I lived in California, Barbara only visited me one time. In the 11 years that I have
lived in New York, she has never visited me. 
In spite of the fact that it is always the parent's responsibility to guide their relationship with their
children, on several occasions I have gone beyond the call of duty to visit her. But I will never make
such an effort again.

The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates.

The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.

After lying to me about the identity of my father, Barbara refused to come clean and disclose the truth on the eve on my wedding. This might not sound much to you, but I assure you that I spent 15 years attempting to track down my real father with no help from the one person who could clear the air with a few words, your mother.

As it turns out, Barbara was never married to the man she swore was my real father (Jack Dale Smithey) and to whom she said she was married, but she was married to Ran Coleman Yeatts, a man who visited us when I was a child and who was always introduced as a "friend." I think the fact that Ran's middle name is "Coleman" tells you all you need to know about the true identity of my father. Realize here the double lie that Barbara told about who she had been married to. It's an example of pathological behavior.

Even in their handling of you when you were a child left alone everyday for years by an unfit baby sitter, Barbara and Bob proved themselves to be careless parents. Everyday of our lives, you and I both pay a price for our parents' selfishness. Bob and Barbara pay a bigger price. They are the lonely and tortured people that they imagined their enemies to be. That is a curse that I would not wish on my worst enemy, especially not my own family.

Yes, I have a great life living in New York City, seeing six movies a week and interviewing my heroes. I live with a wonderful women named Katherine, whose family treats me like one of their own. I play guitar in a Jazz combo every Wednesday night. I spend two weeks out of every year on the French Riviera at the {{w|Cannes Film Festival}}, and two weeks in California every [[Christmas]] with Katherine's family. I have everything that I have ever wanted except a mother's love.

The moral of the story here is that just because someone is a mother does not mean that they are automatically a good person or that they are capable of acting as a parent. When Barbara thinks of me every single day of her life, just as I think about her, she may not regret the many wasted days of opportunity she had to share a relationship with her first son. But she does regret the fact that the opportunity will never come again. The best she can hope for is to read every word that I write, in search of clues that will never come.

If you want a kick, Google my name and you'll see some of the many newspapers that run my stuff.

Go ahead and send your [[DVD]] to my address listed below. You and I may be related, but our mother only loves you.

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/20/07

I hope you're doing well.

Anyhoo, I have a small favor to ask of you, I have previously submitted a video for Playstation's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappea [''sic''] the Rapper contest]], and I am currently among the Top 10 Contestants. If I win the Grand Prize, I can take my [[Megan|Sweet Friend]] with me to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, WA.

Please go to the (http://www.us.playstation.com/vote/parappatherapper/default.aspx ) Playstation Website's Voting Page, and Vote for me; I'm the Lucky 7th Video (the one with the Blue Guitar)
Thank you, and I hope you all are still doing well. :)

Take care;
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Before you ask any favors, you might want to consult your mother about the past 20 years of secrecy, neglect, avarice and coldness that have irreparably ruined her relationship with me.

Did Bob finally die?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Joseph Cole Smithey, while I have an understanding of most of the events in momma's past, I am a man who does not judge one in regards of such unpleasentries.

Besides which, [[ego|that is not the point]]; I have a chance to win a trip to Seattle, Washington, attend a big gaming event, possibly take a tour of [[Nintendo]] of [[America]] Inc, two [[PSP]]s with Parapper the Rapper [''sic''] games, and if I should win, I would take my sweet friend, [[Megan Schroeder]]. Although we are not yet on romantic conclusions, I still am fond of her and care about her very much.

I'm only requesting for a vote towards possible romance, towards [[Hanky-panky|a great gaming expierence]] [[Virgin with rage|I have not expierence before]], and towards potental great footage on my next [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC On TV" DVD]] that I will likely put together around my 50th or sooner.

On another topic, I have viewed your website numerous times, and I have enjoyed reading your well detailed reviews on the movies. I am looking forward to purchasing the DVDs for {{w|Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse}} (Planet Terror/Death Proof), [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]:Movie Film For Theaters, possibly {{w|Spider-Man 3}}, and [[Transformers]] (I'm a total Autobot fan).

I hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and getting along, and I wish you two the best. And keep up the good work on your reviews. :)

Your Lil' Half bro;
Christian W. Chandler}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/23/07

I'll make a deal with you. You find out the identity of my real father from Barbara and e-mail me the person's name, and I will vote for you in your effort to travel to Seattle.

Deal?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Cool.

7/23/07

Well, okay. I just checked with our mother, with total confidence, and upon random remembering, I thought for a moment [[Barbara_Chandler#Ran_Coleman_Yeatts|"Ramblin'" Randy]]; boy was that a totally goofy misconception. Anyway, the name of your Biological father is '''Jack Dale Smithey'''.

Good luck finding anything about him on the web; he was (maybe is) a total [[alcohol|drunk]] and [[chris and hypocrisy|loser]]. The only good things that came about in that marrage, said our mother, was the fancy wedding (it was a real sister-pleaser, and it pleased our grandmother as well; may she rest in peace), the love feeling that was there for a while, and

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is not my biological father. Barbara lied to me in saying that she was married to Jack. However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, 1961. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman" that this man is my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

I'd also like to add that Barbara never said anything about ever being married to Ran Coleman Yeatts. I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to [[Jerry Harmon]] - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you. After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations, I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies.

Just FYI.
Cole}}

{{Email|
We have a problem.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is absolutely not my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.

Barbara lied in even saying that she was ever married to Jack Dale Smithey. There is no marriage license to support her claim and no marriage photos.

However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, [[1961]]. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman," that this man is my biological father. However, Barbara never spoke of this marriage and Ran was a frequent visitor to our house when I was young as a "friend of the family." I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to Jerry Harmon - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you? After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations. Needless to say, I really don't give a fuck about Barbara or about her fucking lies.

Regarding "drunk losers." Bob and Barbara met at a bar that my good friend Chuck McGuigan worked at as a bartender, at the time. He witnessed first-hand Barbara and Bob acting out as a couple of drunken losers. It was an ugly episode that Chuck remembers vividly. We still talk about it to this day. Check that information out with your parents.

You have to remember kid, I've been around a lot longer than you, and I know a lot more about Bob and Barbara than even they know I know. Good luck.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since 1997
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate}}

{{Email|
Re: We have a problem

7/24/07

Have you started to wonder why it is that you have this "misconception" about who my father. I would submit that since Barbara was never married to Jack, and my name "Cole" matches up with the middle name of the man she never told you she was actually married to (I have proof right here in my hand) Ran Coleman Yeatts.

Your mother has spun a wicked web of lies, and she is the only one who can sort them out. As I told you, I don't give a fuck about her lies. I'm not so interested as to seek out and pay for an expensive DNA test to tell me what I already know -- that Jack Dale Smithey is not my father.

Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since [[1997]]
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate
National, International, Regional Print and Online Media
Daily, Weekly, Monthly and Bi-Monthly Print Media

STAFF FILM EDITOR for London's montly "THE LOCAL MAG"
Member of OFCS (Online Film Critics Society) since 2005

125 E 90th Street #3B
New York NY 10128

Important Note: This e-mail may contain privileged, undisclosed or otherwise confidential information. If you have received this e-mail in error, you are hereby notified that any review, copying or distribution of it is strictly prohibited. Please inform me immediately and destroy the original transmittal. Thank you for your cooperation.}}

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 [[March 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-4.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-23.PNG|23 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 [[July 2007]] emails
Image:Cole 07-07-24-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{StackhouseSaga}}

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Cole Smithey

2024-06-19T10:35:44Z

Sorades: /* Relationship with Chris */

{{Protip|Like with most people directly involved with Christory, do NOT attempt to contact or troll Cole. He wants nothing to do with either Chris or Barb and refuses to talk about Chris.}}

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Cole Smithey
| image = [[File:Coles.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Joseph Cole Smithey
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = The Smartest Film Critic in the World Joe Cool<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> Coleslaw
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1960s|24 July 1963]] (age {{Age|1963|7|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White
|label8 = Spouse
|data8 = Katherine Kyle (2013 – present)
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (alleged biological father) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (biological father, as claimed by Barb) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]]
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Christian Weston Chandler]] (half-brother)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] (DA) [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]]
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Magician's assistant (1967-1976) Film critic Musician Tour guide
}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone ([[Bob Chandler|living]]) escapee of the [[Chandler Family Tree|Casa de Chandler]] prior to Chris's [[arrest]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]|[[Operation Snowball]]|[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]}}

Cole was born on 24 July 1963, to mother [[Barbara Chandler]], and father [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who divorced Barbara before Cole was born. Barb has claimed that Jack Dale Smithey was Cole's father, who she claimed to have married, but their relationship is shrouded in mystery, and Cole has spent years trying to figure out if Barbara was truly ever married to Jack. He was mainly raised by Barbara and her later husband, stepfather Jerry Harmon. Harmon used to perform as a magician, and Cole frequently performed alongside him in his stage act entitled [[Operation Snowball]].

Cole has stated his childhood was fraught with abuse. In [[Cole Smithey E-mails|e-mails exchanged with his half-brother Chris]], Cole particularly singled out Barbara for her treatment of him, stating she would abuse him via methods like bare spankings and cold showers. He also called out Jerry for his treatment of him as well, though he has also been more charitable to him in other accounts, so it's more than likely Barb who treated him the worst. In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole recounted an incident where Barbara fired a loaded gun at a steel door to ward off a burglar, the resulting ricochet of which almost striking young Cole in the head. These events have obviously had a lasting impression on him, and almost certainly contributed to him eventually leaving home in 1980.

As a kid, he got into music, film and comics as a hobby.<ref>[https://cheunderground.site/there-to-here-cole-smithey-smartest-film-critic-in-the-world/#more-10309 Cole Smithey bio interview from Che Underground]</ref> He stated he was a big fan of [[wikipedia:Kiss (band)|Kiss]], and attended drum lessons at the age of 12. He saw his first R-rated movie, ''{{w|The Big Boss|Fists of Fury}}'', at the age of 8.

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|Barb and Ran's marriage license.
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|The divorce.
Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.
File:Cole Smithey's family tree.png|Cole's family tree
</gallery></center>

===California (1980-96)===
Cole left home in 1980 at the age of 16 or 17 and moved to California.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Not long after moving, he had a sinus infection which came close to killing him.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> This was the second of at least three near-death encounters in his life. Cole's LinkedIn profile states that he attended [[wikipedia:San Diego State University|San Diego State University]] from 1981 and earned a Dramatic Art degree in Music in 1984.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college he was the drummer for a [[wikipedia:Poway, California|Poway]]-based punk rock band called "The Rockin' Dogs" which played shows in the San Diego area. The band was formed in 1981 and broke up in 1985.<ref>[http://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/ The Rockin' Dogs | San Diego Reader]</ref>

Cole later moved to Northern California. At some point he attended [[wikipedia:Hartnell College|Hartnell College]] and [[wikipedia:San Francisco City College|San Francisco City College]], where he pursued a similar course of study. His LinkedIn profile does not mention him receiving a degree from either school.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> In July 1989 the Chandler household, including Chris, flew to San Francisco to celebrate Cole's 26th birthday. This was the only time they came to visit him during his entire 16-year tenure in California. By 1994, still in San Francisco, Cole was doing shows as "Cole Blooded" and had apparently shifted to the guitar.

In 1996 he moved to New York.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref>

===Present===
{{quote|As the story goes, human boy Andy (voiced by John Morris) is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[List of toys|childish things]] — something most boys do before junior high. [[Autism|Talk about arrested development]] — [[Attraction Sign|this kid isn't getting any dates]].|Cole in his infamous ''Toy Story 3'' review, quite clearly seeing Chris in Andy.<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2010/06/toy-story-3.html Toy Story 3 - ColeSmithey.com]</ref>}}
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned in ''Time'' magazine for being the first critic to give a negative review to ''Toy Story 3'', breaking the ''Toy Story'' franchise's string of perfect scores on RT.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> Several years later, in an interview with Arthur Spatchcock, Chris stated that he disagreed with his brother's review even though he hadn't seen the film.

Cole occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a pretentious wannabe hipster douchebag and the other being a socially-stunted mentally-ill manchild, they both share the same [[Chris and his ego|bloated ego]].<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

He brands himself as "The Smartest Film Critic in the World." (A title that the late, esteemed film critic {{w|Roger Ebert}} once mocked.<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/filmblog/2009/04/my-dialogue-with-roger.html</ref>) Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low view counts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Ironically, the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years are literally thousands of times more popular than those of his relatively more successful brother. It probably doesn't help matters that Cole Smithey's videos have rather low production values, and negative reviews of well-received films (like ''Toy Story 3'' and ''Lady Bird'', which we will get to). On a sidenote, he also considers [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|''Freddy Got Fingered'']] (a film often considered to be one of the worst of all time) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JUuAhFVlk4 to be "Classic Cinema"].

{{quote|''Wild Strawberries'' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries.|An example of Cole Smithey's obsession with big words<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2014/07/wild-strawberries.html</ref>|3=}}

By [[March 2007]], Cole was in a relationship with a woman named Katherine (no, not [[Catherine|her]]).<ref name="Email" /> This is most likely the same Katherine he married in [[March 2013]].<ref name="JohnKyleVid">[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aitxArbd0o John Kyle - Three Love Songs at Katherine and Cole's Wedding] (retrieved on 24 February 2014)</ref> Given that Cole mentioned an earlier wedding during his correspondence with Chris, it appears that Katherine is his second wife, unless the "wedding" in 2013 was actually a renewal of vows.<ref name="Email"/> His brother-in-law, John Kyle, sang at his wedding. John later commented on [[Message for John Kyle]], where he mentions Cole.

{{quote|He's a great guy. He's my brother in law, and he's never mentioned Chris to me. I think he's doing his best to distance himself from this. You all should too.|John Kyle<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref>}}

According to an article written by his friend, syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}}, Cole once came close to death from {{w|Necrotizing fasciitis|necrotizing fasciitis}} after an ER nurse made a misdiagnosis,<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2014/10/06/commentary/world-commentary/emergency-rooms-live-gunshot-wounds/#.VR7L5vnF-So</ref> and believes that 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders's rise can be attributed to the "failure of propaganda."<ref>http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/01/22/commentary/world-commentary/sanders-rise-fueled-by-the-failure-of-propaganda/#.Vq1dJrIrI8o</ref>
{{clear}}

Cole has co-hosted a free weekly podcast called LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST)<ref>https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/la-grande-bouffe-the-big-feast/id1120760479?mt=2</ref> since 23 April 2016.

In December 2017, Cole repeated his ''Toy Story'' trick by being the first critic to give ''{{w|Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird}}'' a negative review, ruining its perfect 100% Rotten Tomatoes score from 196 previous reviewers. Cole added fuel to the firestorm of criticism he received by admitting to spoiling the film's score on purpose.<ref>https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2017/12/14/film-critic-spoiled-lady-birds-perfect-rotten-tomatoes-score-basically-admits-hes-troll/</ref>

On 30 September 2020, Cole allegedly sent flowers to Barb for her 79th birthday. Many people believe, however, that it wasn’t actually Cole, but a [[ween]] pretending to be him. After the flowers were received, Chris made a video, showing Barb’s gratitude for the flowers, and claiming that in Dimension C-197, Cole and Iron Man hang out a lot, and that he’ll get to meet Batman in New Jersey when the [[Dimensional Merge]] happens.

It remains unknown how Cole reacted to the news that Chris was committing [[Affair with Mother|incest]] with Barb, except for the fact that he stopped allowing [[Twitter]] users to reply to his tweets and deleted one tweet from [[July 2021]] which had been flooded with replies about incest.

==Identity of Father==
{{Incomplete|[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
{{Quote|The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates. The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.|Cole Smithey on his complicated relationship with his biological mother and stepfather.<ref name="Email">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>.}}
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, Bob worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="Email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own. Chris has [[Message for John Kyle|complained]] that Cole is ignoring Barb's attempts to get in touch with him. It would seem that Cole has left his mother to her own devices. As the [[Financhu Crisis]] progressed, Barb has seemingly expressed interest in meeting Cole, although it's not clear if this is to try to mooch off of her son or if she wants to try to bond with him before she croaks.

Of course, Cole would do well not to bother with Chris and Barb's (dubious) pleas for a visit, given Barb's history of manipulation and dishonesty (such that he even once [[Cole Smithey E-mails|referred to her actions as "pathological behaviour"]]), not to mention her history of abusing him during his formative years.

Shortly after [[Bob_Chandler#Later_life.2C_poor_health_and_death|Bob's death]] on 6 [[September 2011]], a troll on [[/cow/|789chan]] took Cole's wish of knowing when his stepfather died, contacting him using the phone number he provided in his [[Cole Smithey E-mails|leaked emails]]. In spite of his vitriol towards Bob three years prior, he was apparently quite broken up by the news. While Cole was certainly upset at Bob, his reaction to Bob's actual death shows that he ultimately did sympathize with him. While no audio of this call has ever been released, its existence is confirmed by those who browsed the board at the time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (other users)#Cole's reaction to Bob's death]]</ref><ref>http://archive.is/kHrWN A TinyChat thread posted days after Bob's death, confirming the call's existence. (Post "#134,774")Anonymous A</ref>

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg||thumb|left|200px|Depicted burning his money instead of giving it to Chris, as drawn by Chris in June 2016. Note in the picture it says "mother and [[Transgender|sister]]."]]

Ironically, for much of his life Cole has actually gotten along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb, and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that he believes that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. When he was eventually able to speak again around age seven, Chris visited Cole in San Francisco along with Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> This was the only time Chris had ever been on an airplane for 35 years,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> the only time he had ever been to the West Coast of the United States and one of the few times that he has left [[Virginia]].

Cole's relationship with his family became somewhat closer after he moved back to the East Coast in 1996. He came to visit them in Virginia on various occasions, although they never visited him in New York. For New Year's Day [[1998]] Chris gave Cole a [[Lego]] Band Stand and wished him a "Rocking New Year." However, in [[1999]], on a [[Spanish]] exercise, Chris described "Cole the Beedrill" as ''muy feo'' (very ugly), suggesting relations had strained, probably because of Barb (although he may also have been referring to the aspect of the actual Pokémon species).<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks]]</ref> Nevertheless, Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!''. Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover.

[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|300px|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

The last time they set eyes on each other was at the 2004 Weston family Christmas party.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 27]]</ref><ref>[[Catherine#The_bowling_outing]]</ref>

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she maintained her version of the story (It's unclear why Cole expected anything else). Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is (though in Chris's defense, getting involved in an awkward quarrel about parentage is a pretty odd price for a simple upvote on a video). Chris dismissive attitude only resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara than he already was. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. To date, these remain the last known communications between the half-brothers as Cole probably distanced himself even further from Chris since only a couple of months later, [[The GAMe PLACe#The GAMe PLACe Photograph|the GAMe PLACe photograph]] was posted onto 4chan, thus beginning Chris's infamy on the internet.

In a leaked e-mail sent to Jackie on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that Cole "has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|right|300px|Cole (far right) as a [[Sonichu Amiibo|Mii]] in one of Chris's [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]], ''Family Needs to appreciate Family'']]

In recent years Chris has made numerous efforts to get in touch with Cole, to no avail. In [[October 2013]] he told his friend [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah]], "I have no confirmed or direct contact with him in NY; he doesn't respond to email, twitter feed, Facebook, YouTube, etcetera, either. So, I am most unable to reach him at all."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> On 22 [[June 2013]], Chris attempted to contact Cole via video. He recorded a message directed to John Kyle,<ref name="Message">[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> Cole's brother-in-law, who sang at his wedding (Kyle would later reveal that, until the video was brought to his attention by a troll, he had not even known that his sister's husband had a half-brother).<ref name="JohnKyleVid" /> Chris expressed anger at Cole for not inviting him and Barb to his wedding. He also claimed that relatives, including [[Jerry Harmon]] and [[Jack Dale Smithey]], had been lying to Cole about Barb, making him believe that Barb was abusive, when according to Chris, she's a good person.

In the same month, Chris tried to communicate with Cole on [[Twitter]],<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#29 June 2013]]</ref> basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his familial responsibilities on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail.

In [[August 2015]], Chris [[August 2015 Facebook Posts#Please Take Care Of Barb So I Can Go Out And Have Sex With Hot Lesbians|tried yet again]] to reach out to Cole, this time through [[Facebook]], hoping that a flurry of hashtags would work their magic. In [[November 2015]] he returned to [[YouTube]] with a [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] depiction of a battle in which Chris and his allies face off against Cole, [[David Alan Chandler|his other step-brother]], and his [[Carol Suzanne Chandler|step-sister]] in ''Super Smash Bros.'' "OUR Mother is Still Alive; I REALLY want you to make amends and get close, once again, to her before Her time runs out," he wrote in the description. The following day he arranged a [[Sonichu and Rosechu figure collection toy battle!|similar fight]] among his [[Amiibo]] figurines and angrily accused Cole of being possessed by the spirit of [[Count Graduon]]. He posted an image of his Cole Amiibo on Facebook. In this spat of postings Chris attempts to appear concerned about Cole not being around for their mother's twilight years, thinly veiling his [[Monthly Tugboat|real concerns]].

Chris has two explanations for this falling-out with his half-brother, both fed to him by Barb. First, Cole has been entirely misled about Barb's character by the lies of other family members. "She is the opposite of what hate they filled Cole's head with," Chris asserts.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> Second, Cole's "mental problems" caused by his childhood injury mean that he has "taken it out heavily on our mother."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> "Lord Knows What Else goes on through his head," Chris has concluded, demonstrating that more than anything else, Cole is almost entirely unknown to Chris. For the most part, the main trait Chris seems to be aware of regarding his half-brother is that he has a career and makes a living. This, in traditional Chris fashion, means opportunity and progressively his attempts to reach out have more and more focused on Cole financially supporting Chris and Barb, returning Chris to the idyllic balance he enjoyed with Bob as the responsible man in the house.

In [[June 2016]], Chris posted a Facebook rant about Cole alleging that he and his wife spend two thousand dollars a month on rent for an apartment "a few buildings down East 90th from Carnigee [''sic''] Hall" and that he once lived at Carnegie Hall itself.<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> In reality, [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hall|Carnegie Hall]] is not near East 90th Street, and nobody lives ''at'' Carnegie Hall—it's a concert hall, not an apartment building. East 90th Street actually passes through [[wikipedia:Carnegie Hill|Carnegie ''Hill'']], a neighborhood on Manhattan's Upper East Side. This lack of research didn't stop Chris from depicting his half-brother as having money to "[[Chris and hypocrisy|piss and burn]]" while simultaneously [[Lego|begging]] [[Transformers|him]] [[PlayStation 4|for]] [[Chris and money|money]].

In May 2017, Chris mocked Cole on Twitter, stating [[Chris and hypocrisy|"Oh my gosh, my half brother is suddenly begging for money now"]]. This was in response to Cole asking his fans to pledge money to him on Patreon in a since-deleted video, suggesting he has also [[Financhu Crisis|hit rock bottom]]. Chris said he would pledge to him, but he still hasn't apologized or made up with Barb. Ironically, Chris tried to pledge to him but Cole blocked him, making it clear once again that he really wanted nothing to do with his old life.<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref><ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Apologising to SNT for Redesign Rage]]</ref>

In December 2017, Chris wanted to drive to New York to confront Cole. He tried to channel his Sonichu power to conjure up Cole's address but was unsuccessful and did not attempt to make the trip.<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref> [[Joshua Wise]] discouraged Chris from doing this, leading to him dropping the idea.

[[File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|thumb|A certificate sent to anyone who bought Cole's stuff]]

Chris began offering pieces of Cole's belongings for sale via [[eBay]] in March 2018, mostly his comic books. He placed great value in the fact that these comic books belonged to Cole, supposedly seeing him as some sort of celebrity, even referring to him as his mantle "The World's Smartest Film Critic." He even went so far as to make certificates that confirmed that these comic books belonged to Cole.

On 30 [[September 2020]], Barb received a bouquet of flowers for her birthday, ostensibly from Cole (although it is more likely from a [[ween]]). Chris ([[Spirit possession#Sonichu|while roleplaying as Sonichu]]) recorded a video of Barb thanking Cole, before turning the camera back to himself and informing Cole that he (Cole) had been hanging out with various superheroes from Marvel and DC, and encouraging Cole to get back into contact with Chris via his publicly available cell phone number.<ref>[[To Cole Smithey, from Barb, and Sonichu (Prime)]]</ref>

==Cole in the comics==
Throughout the original run of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], Cole was referenced in the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]] as "Professor Cole," assumed to be a version of Cole Smithey, listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the {{w|Pichu|Pichu}} who would become Rosechu. Chris later marketed a custom Amiibo depicting Cole as a [[Jerkop]], seemingly foreshadowing his presence as a villain in the CWCville universe. It was not clear for several years whether the original "Professor Cole" character was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|still canon]].

In [[''Sonichu 7'']], the comic version of Chris mentions Cole by his full name, Joseph Cole Smithey, to classmate Joseph Herring. This was later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] to "Joe Cool" Smithey.

Cole finally appears in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] as, indeed, a Jerkop, brainwashed by [[Count Graduon]]. [[Reldnahc]] uses Cole to "distract [Chris] with family" in order to get the drop on him. He is bizarrely depicted as a gray-haired, mustached old man with a trilby. Comic Chris immediately identifies him as his brother [[Chris and writing|despite Cole never appearing in the comic before]], made all the more confusing by the same battle also featuring Chris's imaginary [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] and [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|evil twin]].

In 2019, Chris confirmed that Cole was the Pokémon Professor during 2003, but stated his "methods and ideals were varied," and his work was "faltering" by 2005, leading to his demotion in favour of a smoking-hot graduate whose body Chris describes in vivid detail. A year later, he "quite" and moved to New York to become a full-time movie reviewer.<ref>[[April 2019 social media posts#CWCVille's Pokemon Professor]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Jerry&ColeWithPlane.jpg|Young Cole with his stepdad [[Jerry Harmon]] with a plane.
File:JerryBarb&ColeDisasterHeadquarters.jpg|Jerry, young Cole & Barbara at a backstage of "Disaster Headquarters."
File:JerryBarb&Cole.jpg|King Karnak, Barbie & Cole, of [[Operation Snowball]].
File:ColeSkating.png|1977 - Teenage Cole skateboarding around the [[University of Virginia]].
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|1984 - Cole playing drums.
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
File:ColePostcardB.jpg|Postcard Cole sent to Barbara in [[1994]].
File:ColePostcardA.jpg
File:Cole Amiibo.jpg|Cole as a [[Jerkop]].
File:26 June 2016 Cole Smithey drawing.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/mDT18 Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]
*[https://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa LinkedIn page]
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:People who have blocked Chris]]

Cole Smithey E-mails

2024-06-19T10:10:30Z

Sorades:

This page is a list of [[emails]] exchanged by [[Chris]] and his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] from March to July, [[2007]]. Most of their conversation revolved around Cole's past and the abuse he endured by their [[Barb|mother]] and how she lied about the identity of his biological father. Chris, however, reacted dismissively, derailing the conversation by asking Cole to vote for him in a Playstation [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]], rather than listening to his older half-brother's insights on their absuive, neglectful mother.

Notice that Cole's side of the conversation starts well-versed and polite, but prolonged exposure to Chris makes him obscene and mean-spirited. Not shockingly, it seems Chris (and the thought of Barbara) brings out the worst in him.

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 4, 2007

Remember your lil' bro.? It's me, Christian C. It's been a long while. I'm doing good. I graduated from [[PVCC]] with two [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] Degrees. And currently, I'm getting by with livin' with my folks and a [[monthly tugboat]]. [[Barbara|Mama]] is doing okay; she's been retired for like over a year now; she feels happier not having to rush back-and-forth through traffic and all that [[stress|hustle and bustle]]. But currently, she mostly sleeps on the couch during a bunch of the day, yet she does get up sometimes to go out with the family or do some work. We haven't seen much of our aunts either.

I have talked to mom, and I quote her when she said, "I do not regret giving life to Cole. We've had a bunch of good years up till the madness. And all things considered I still love Cole very much like any mother would for her son." She really does. :) And I have

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

Mar 6, 2007

It's very Christian of [[Barbara]] to not regret having given birth to me but I'm an {{w|atheism|atheist}}. I also have no
regrets about emerging from her womb. Although, she is mistaken about the "bunch of good years"
we supposedly had together. I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former
stepfather [[Jerry]], where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings
to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults. The
treatment I received in [[Richmond]], Va was another matter altogether. To raise a child in such
conditions is inexcusable. Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They
were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather
not remember.

As for Barbara professing her "love" for me, I have not seen any evidence of it in close to 20 years,
and that's a very long time. Barbara's definition of love is [[CWC-isms|a hackneyed sentimental term she uses to
extract a response]]. Love is not something you say, it's something you do by staying in contact with
a person, visiting, communicating, asking questions and answering them. You will remember that in
the 16 years that I lived in California, Barbara only visited me one time. In the 11 years that I have
lived in New York, she has never visited me. 
In spite of the fact that it is always the parent's responsibility to guide their relationship with their
children, on several occasions I have gone beyond the call of duty to visit her. But I will never make
such an effort again.

The crux of my problem with Barbara comes from two sources. The first is [[Bob]]'s bitter influence on her, which worked to separate our relationship just as Bob did with his own children with whom he has no association. In nearly 44 years of life, I have never met a meaner or more reprehensible {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}} cur than Bob Chandler. I hope that you will e-mail me [[September 2011|when he dies]] so that I can celebrate. Our mutual hatred has never been a secret, and it points out Barbara's proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates.

The second and more compelling issue that permanently ruined my relationship with Barbara is the litany of lies she tells anyone who'll listen about the identity of my biological father and about her marriage history.

After lying to me about the identity of my father, Barbara refused to come clean and disclose the truth on the eve on my wedding. This might not sound much to you, but I assure you that I spent 15 years attempting to track down my real father with no help from the one person who could clear the air with a few words, your mother.

As it turns out, Barbara was never married to the man she swore was my real father (Jack Dale Smithey) and to whom she said she was married, but she was married to Ran Coleman Yeatts, a man who visited us when I was a child and who was always introduced as a "friend." I think the fact that Ran's middle name is "Coleman" tells you all you need to know about the true identity of my father. Realize here the double lie that Barbara told about who she had been married to. It's an example of pathological behavior.

Even in their handling of you when you were a child left alone everyday for years by an unfit baby sitter, Barbara and Bob proved themselves to be careless parents. Everyday of our lives, you and I both pay a price for our parents' selfishness. Bob and Barbara pay a bigger price. They are the lonely and tortured people that they imagined their enemies to be. That is a curse that I would not wish on my worst enemy, especially not my own family.

Yes, I have a great life living in New York City, seeing six movies a week and interviewing my heroes. I live with a wonderful women named Katherine, whose family treats me like one of their own. I play guitar in a Jazz combo every Wednesday night. I spend two weeks out of every year on the French Riviera at the {{w|Cannes Film Festival}}, and two weeks in California every [[Christmas]] with Katherine's family. I have everything that I have ever wanted except a mother's love.

The moral of the story here is that just because someone is a mother does not mean that they are automatically a good person or that they are capable of acting as a parent. When Barbara thinks of me every single day of her life, just as I think about her, she may not regret the many wasted days of opportunity she had to share a relationship with her first son. But she does regret the fact that the opportunity will never come again. The best she can hope for is to read every word that I write, in search of clues that will never come.

If you want a kick, Google my name and you'll see some of the many newspapers that run my stuff.

Go ahead and send your [[DVD]] to my address listed below. You and I may be related, but our mother only loves you.

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/20/07

I hope you're doing well.

Anyhoo, I have a small favor to ask of you, I have previously submitted a video for Playstation's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|PaRappea [''sic''] the Rapper contest]], and I am currently among the Top 10 Contestants. If I win the Grand Prize, I can take my [[Megan|Sweet Friend]] with me to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, WA.

Please go to the (http://www.us.playstation.com/vote/parappatherapper/default.aspx ) Playstation Website's Voting Page, and Vote for me; I'm the Lucky 7th Video (the one with the Blue Guitar)
Thank you, and I hope you all are still doing well. :)

Take care;
Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Before you ask any favors, you might want to consult your mother about the past 20 years of secrecy, neglect, avarice and coldness that have irreparably ruined her relationship with me.

Did Bob finally die?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/21/07

Joseph Cole Smithey, while I have an understanding of most of the events in momma's past, I am a man who does not judge one in regards of such unpleasentries.

Besides which, [[ego|that is not the point]]; I have a chance to win a trip to Seattle, Washington, attend a big gaming event, possibly take a tour of [[Nintendo]] of [[America]] Inc, two [[PSP]]s with Parapper the Rapper [''sic''] games, and if I should win, I would take my sweet friend, [[Megan Schroeder]]. Although we are not yet on romantic conclusions, I still am fond of her and care about her very much.

I'm only requesting for a vote towards possible romance, towards [[Hanky-panky|a great gaming expierence]] [[Virgin with rage|I have not expierence before]], and towards potental great footage on my next [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC On TV" DVD]] that I will likely put together around my 50th or sooner.

On another topic, I have viewed your website numerous times, and I have enjoyed reading your well detailed reviews on the movies. I am looking forward to purchasing the DVDs for {{w|Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse}} (Planet Terror/Death Proof), [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]:Movie Film For Theaters, possibly {{w|Spider-Man 3}}, and [[Transformers]] (I'm a total Autobot fan).

I hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and getting along, and I wish you two the best. And keep up the good work on your reviews. :)

Your Lil' Half bro;
Christian W. Chandler}}

{{Email|
Re: Hey, Big Bro. :)

7/23/07

I'll make a deal with you. You find out the identity of my real father from Barbara and e-mail me the person's name, and I will vote for you in your effort to travel to Seattle.

Deal?

Cole}}

{{EmailReply|
Cool.

7/23/07

Well, okay. I just checked with our mother, with total confidence, and upon random remembering, I thought for a moment [[Barbara_Chandler#Ran_Coleman_Yeatts|"Ramblin'" Randy]]; boy was that a totally goofy misconception. Anyway, the name of your Biological father is '''Jack Dale Smithey'''.

Good luck finding anything about him on the web; he was (maybe is) a total [[alcohol|drunk]] and [[chris and hypocrisy|loser]]. The only good things that came about in that marrage, said our mother, was the fancy wedding (it was a real sister-pleaser, and it pleased our grandmother as well; may she rest in peace), the love feeling that was there for a while, and

<The rest is cut off>}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is not my biological father. Barbara lied to me in saying that she was married to Jack. However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, 1961. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman" that this man is my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.}}

{{Email|
Re: Cool.

7/24/07

I'd also like to add that Barbara never said anything about ever being married to Ran Coleman Yeatts. I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to [[Jerry Harmon]] - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you. After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations, I really don't give a fuck about her or about her fucking lies.

Just FYI.
Cole}}

{{Email|
We have a problem.

7/24/07

We have a problem. Jack Dale Smithey is absolutely not my biological father.

Check your information. I will only participate in our deal if I am convinced that the truth has been given.

Barbara lied in even saying that she was ever married to Jack Dale Smithey. There is no marriage license to support her claim and no marriage photos.

However, I do have a copy of her marriage certificate to Ran Coleman Yeatts on June 16, [[1961]]. It seems likely, since Ran's middle name is "Coleman," that this man is my biological father. However, Barbara never spoke of this marriage and Ran was a frequent visitor to our house when I was young as a "friend of the family." I would never have know about the marriage had I not made a special trip to Richmond to get copies of all her marriage certificates, which by the way did not include a certificate of marriage to Jerry Harmon - you figure that one out on your own.

Can you imagine having an essential part of your personal family history shrouded in mystery for 44 years because the one person who could clear the air insists on lying to you? After hiring a private detective to locate Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida and tracking him down, only to have Barbara hang up the phone in my face when I asked her about his revelations. Needless to say, I really don't give a fuck about Barbara or about her fucking lies.

Regarding "drunk losers." Bob and Barbara met at a bar that my good friend Chuck McGuigan worked at as a bartender, at the time. He witnessed first-hand Barbara and Bob acting out as a couple of drunken losers. It was an ugly episode that Chuck remembers vividly. We still talk about it to this day. Check that information out with your parents.

You have to remember kid, I've been around a lot longer than you, and I know a lot more about Bob and Barbara than even they know I know. Good luck.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since 1997
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate}}

{{Email|
Re: We have a problem

7/24/07

Have you started to wonder why it is that you have this "misconception" about who my father. I would submit that since Barbara was never married to Jack, and my name "Cole" matches up with the middle name of the man she never told you she was actually married to (I have proof right here in my hand) Ran Coleman Yeatts.

Your mother has spun a wicked web of lies, and she is the only one who can sort them out. As I told you, I don't give a fuck about her lies. I'm not so interested as to seek out and pay for an expensive DNA test to tell me what I already know -- that Jack Dale Smithey is not my father.

Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops.

Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey
212-369-3937 www.ColeSmithey.com

Cole Smithey - Independent Voice Of Film Criticism Since [[1997]]
Managing Editor
Cole Smithey Entertainment Syndicate
National, International, Regional Print and Online Media
Daily, Weekly, Monthly and Bi-Monthly Print Media

STAFF FILM EDITOR for London's montly "THE LOCAL MAG"
Member of OFCS (Online Film Critics Society) since 2005

125 E 90th Street #3B
New York NY 10128

Important Note: This e-mail may contain privileged, undisclosed or otherwise confidential information. If you have received this e-mail in error, you are hereby notified that any review, copying or distribution of it is strictly prohibited. Please inform me immediately and destroy the original transmittal. Thank you for your cooperation.}}

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 [[March 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG
Image:Cole 07-03-06-4.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-23.PNG|23 [[July 2007]] email
Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 [[July 2007]] emails
Image:Cole 07-07-24-2.PNG
Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{StackhouseSaga}}

{{Emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Sweetheart

2024-06-17T18:25:09Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners. '''Much like with many autistic people, Chris too has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This doesn't mean they are incapable of learning them, though. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents. For starters, Chris has a nasty habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]], the latter getting him banned from the gym after they received numerous complaints from angry gym goers because of it, in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]. Chris also inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touches]] and even [[TooManyGames|kisses]] people, even when they explicitly tell him numerous times not to do so. He made several inappropriate remarks without a care in the world, such as the [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His half-assed attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] only makes him [[Namgge|cringe]]. Even if a Sweetheart didn't mind his smell and old bag lady look, she would not endure Chris for very long.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away the rest of his life, holding out for a [[Dimensional Merge]], that will fix all his problems, make him a biological woman and ascend him to godhood.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep him from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there. Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a delusional, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-06-17T12:03:21Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris has no manners. '''Much like with many autistic people, Chris too has difficulties understanding social norms and manners. This doesn't mean they are incapable of learning them, though. Most learn early on in their childhood, either through special education, therapy, or their own parents. For starters, Chris has a nasty habit of burping and farting in his [[Cakefarts|videos]] as well as in [[Anytime Fitness|public]], the latter getting him banned from the gym after they received numerous complaints from angry gym goers because of it, in addition to the constant harassment from [[weens]]. Chris also inappropriately [[Megan emails, 2005-2006|touches]] and even [[TooManyGames|kisses]] people, even when they explicitly tell him numerous times not to do so. He made several inappropriate remarks without a care in the world, such as the [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|racist]] Apu impression at an Indian restaurant. His half-assed attempts at [[Random-access humor|humor]] only makes him [[Namgge|cringe]]. Even if a Sweetheart didn't mind his smell and old bag lady look, she would not endure Chris for very long.

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend?

'''12) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings are popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people would consider them either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and even scored among a Sweetheart. Instead, Chris has chosen to waste away his the rest of his life, holding out for a [[Dimensional Merge]], that will fix all his problems, make him a biological woman and ascend him to godhood.

Ultimately, Chris' inaction and lack of realistic ambitions in his life will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there. Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a delusiona, middle-aged shut-in who lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Bob Chandler

2024-06-17T11:10:00Z

Sorades: /* Chris */

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}

{{quote|I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris, reflecting on his life prior to his father's death.<ref name=LoudNoise>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Claiming hospital staff killed Bob]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I don't believe he ever, Mr. C, any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks.|Chris, insulting Bob's memory by claiming that [[Affair with Mother|he was better at fucking]] [[Barbara Chandler|the man's wife]] [[Chris and his ego|than he ever was]].<ref>[[Incest Call]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
| image = Chrischansdad.jpg
|imagesize = 250
|aliases = Bob Bobby Mr. C [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]] [[Cole Smithey#Relationship with Barbara and Bob|Republican cur]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Gallop Crush]] Robertchu<ref>[[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris#Sonichu genealogy for Chris, Bob and Ted Bundy]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|day = 4
|month = 9
|year = 1927
|deathday = 6
|deathmonth = 9
|deathyear = 2011
|gender = Male
|nationality = [[United States|American]]
|race = White [[Count Dankula|Half-Sonichu]]<ref>Planted by [[Idea Guys#Lingering influence|Idea Guy]], mentioned in [[Count Dankula]] interview</ref>
|religion = Protestant (Methodist)
|label8 = Height
|ft = 5
|in = 7.5
|spouse = Patricia Faye Harley (1956–1980, divorce) [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Ann Weston]] (1980–2011, his death)
|children = Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler [[Christian Weston Chandler]] [[Cole Smithey]] (stepson)
|grandchildren = [[Savannah Chandler]]
|father = Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906–1977)
|mother = Jean Hollomon (1906–1945)
|education = [[wikipedia:Auburn_University|Auburn University]] ([[wikipedia:Bachelor of Electrical Engineering|BEE]]) [[wikipedia:Jacksonville_State_University|Jacksonville State University]] (did not graduate)
|occupation = Military communications Engineer Inventor
|saga = {{saga|childhood|cn}}, {{saga|greene|cn}}, {{saga|bearstein|cn}}, {{saga|julie|cn}}, {{saga|emily|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Robert "Bob" Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]] – 6 September [[2011]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180110224343/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he [[Bob Walks In|walked in]] on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, wherein he promised to cut the internet down.

Despite being estranged from his other children, and despised by his stepson for abusive behavior, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]] by Christorians, and – as far as Chris's own testimony can be trusted – he treated Chris better than any of his previous children. Bob had serious difficulties working with Chris's [[autism]], a disorder that he and his wife did not fully understand, but nonetheless, he had high hopes for his child in spite of the difficulties that he faced. Bob hoped to instill Chris with a variety of interests that reflected his own varied tastes, and he created The Dreaming Studio in their backyard in the hopes that they'd create things there (though, sadly, nothing of note was ever created there).

Because of this, Bob's popularity stems from being somewhat concerned with Chris's foolish behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's sorry life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising his son. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb, he at least made the effort, even if his attempts were futile or harmful at worst. That being said, he also encouraged Chris to ''not'' seek employment in favor of getting [[Monthly Tugboat|welfare]], even though Chris could still hold a part-time job and receive those benefits, so he's not entirely blameless for the sorry state that his son is in today, either. Not to mention that many of [[Homos|Chris's more backward]] [[Chris and race|social perspectives]] that he had in the "Classic Era" stem from his influence.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. It seems that Chris's passion for [[Honest Content]] did not fall too far from that tree, although Bob at least had a filter that his son lacks. Whether in person or over the phone, Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone. According to Chris, he was also a strong negotiator.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 6 September 2011, Bob died of complications from heart failure at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU, surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObitarchive">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> He was survived by his wife and son, who then had to become the man of the house. Chris occasionally raked in some income through commission work, though he has never looked for a serious career. Chris initially came to terms with his father's death in a conventional, healthy way, but eventually turned to a [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism where he genuinely believed that his father was alive in [[Dimensions|another dimension]] as a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] named Robertchu.

Years later in 2021, Chris would disgrace Bob's memory by repeatedly having dubiously-consensual sex with his wife in an [[Affair with Mother|incest]]-based affair, with Chris bragging that he could get Barb off better than "Mr. C" ever could. Following this incident, both were separated from the house that he maintained, with Chris jailed, Barb temporarily hospitalized before eventually returning to the residence, and the Dreaming Studio left abandoned for good.

==Biography==
Bob was born on 4:15 PM at a medical arts building in {{w|Fort Worth, Texas}},<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in {{w|Sylacauga, Alabama}}.<ref name="About">[[Date with Emily#Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)]]</ref> He was the only child of Robert Franklin "Bobby" Chandler Sr. (8 February 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/103153414/robert-franklin-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328063730/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM archive])</ref> – 27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328072547/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 archive])</ref>), an Alabamian insurance agent, and Jean Hollomon (28 March 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/5947049/jean-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328094240/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M archive])</ref> – 10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328092829/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 archive])</ref>), a Texan housewife.<ref>[[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]]</ref> Bob has eight younger half-siblings on his father's side.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref> He also mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> However, a distant relative disputed his Cherokee heritage,<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref> and his son's [[Cherokian Clan#Reality|DNA test results]] in 2018 belied any American Indian descent. It is common for white Southerners to make dubious claims to Cherokee ancestry, for a variety of historical reasons.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120042/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/10/cherokee-blood-why-do-so-many-americans-believe-they-have-cherokee-ancestry.html Slate article]</ref>

[[File:Robert Sr 1942.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|Bob's Father in 1942.]]

[[File:Bob_Chandler_1945.png|thumb|right|200px|Bob Chandler (left) as a Boy Scout in 1945.]]

Bob has said that he was, "...interested in the world," around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign [[stamps]] as a child in the [[1930s]]; his first stamp was of {{w|Michael I of Romania}}. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> About 100 or so survived the 2014 [[house fire]].<ref>[[Discord Q&A 4#Bob's record collection]]</ref>

Bob joined the [[wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts]], becoming an Eagle Scout and a Scoutmaster for over 20 years.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref>

According to Chris, Bob lost his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] at the age of 27, which would have been in 1954 or 1955.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up]]</ref>

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School lists a "Bobby Chandler" in the freshman class and glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in spring 1945 before matriculating at {{w|Auburn University}} as an aeronautical engineering major that autumn.

[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Bob apparently had knowledge that the Army desired,<ref>(Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175556/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14])</ref> was conscripted as a special draftee in 1946 and placed in the {{w|Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps}}. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School in {{w|Fort Monmouth}}, New Jersey, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. Serving until 1948, he was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal: his service number was 44107856.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120633/https://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%2520desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538%2C4652469%2C8564216%2C1000879%2C987835%2C4549799%2C991002%2C8565331%2C5188385%2C8565346]</ref> Figuring he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college, {{w|Jacksonville State Teachers College}} (now Jacksonville State University), after leaving the military. He studied pre-engineering and joined the band there for two years before returning to Auburn University, where he studied electrical engineering and graduated in 1952 with a {{w|Bachelor of Electrical Engineering}} degree.<ref>(page 269 of the 1952 yearbook)[https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175342/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] {{w|G.I. Bill}}.</ref><ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref name = "Meet">[[Date with Emily#Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was part of the band once again, was a member of {{w|Wesley Foundation}}, a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|United Methodist]] religious group; and Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
[[File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg|thumb|200px|Article on Bob's 25th anniversary at General Electric.]]

A 1946 military record included Bob's occupation while he was a student as "tinsmith, coppersmith, and sheet metal worker".

Bob worked for {{w|Western Electric}} as an engineer for 40 years, where he designed a variety of electrical subsystems, including relays, telephones and valve systems. During the 1950s, he lived in [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Winston-Salem, North Carolina]], where his father and half of his half-siblings lived for the rest of their lives. He was then offered a job by [[wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]] in [[wikipedia:Utica, New York|Utica, New York]]. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he left after three years, returning back to Winston-Salem for a few years before transferring to [[wikipedia:Roanoke, Virginia|Roanoke]] in Southwest Virginia, where he discovered his love for the mountains. In 1975, he moved to [[Richmond]], where he worked until 1980, when he was transferred to [[Charlottesville]].<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] claimed, in an email to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the {{w|Nintendo Entertainment System|NES}} "...might not have arrived so soon,"<ref name="Barbara" /> ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983, without influence from American electronics.

{{quote|Bob Chandler is one of the most creative engineers in the organization.|The General Manager at G.E.<ref>[[:File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg]]</ref>}}

Examples of Bob's accomplishments include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a vehicle logging system.<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3486009</ref> Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed controls<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3889849</ref> that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#A Word from Snorlax]]</ref>

Bob retired in 1987 at the age of 59 or 60.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris#Open Letter - December 26th, 1987]]</ref> His relatively early retirement may have been provoked by health problems, as he writes in his December 1987 [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letter to Chris]] that "I know now that I, at best, haven't much time left to share myself with you".

Bob himself was proud of his, "...natural inclination for logic," although he was, "...inundated," by all his designs and whether he did well for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

{{quote|I have been very interested in the world since I was 10 years old, and that was 70 years ago and, the, uh, I'm very fond of and I really truly believe in the United Nations, but you won't find anybody else in my countryside or around here, I think, that does. (laughing) But anyway, I'm very world conscious.|[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|Bob]]}}

Bob referred to himself as a {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}}, and he did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in {{w|United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election}}.<ref name="Prank calls"/> That said, he had misgivings about {{w|Bob McDonnell}}, the Republican candidate in the {{w|Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|2009 Virginia gubernatorial election}} and the ultimate winner of the election, possibly because of McDonnell's support for very strict anti-abortion laws, which made no exceptions for cases of rape or [[Chris and sex#incest|incest]]. Bob and Chris considered writing in Snoopy from ''[[Peanuts]]'' as a protest vote.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> but he continued talking on the grounds that his grasp of post-Soviet geography was shaky. He apparently convinced himself that Molvanîa was the same place as the real country of {{w|Moldova}}, a former Soviet republic located near the Black Sea.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

Besides Korea, Bob also visited Australia and England at some point in his life.<ref name = "Retired Life">[[Date with Emily#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref>

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956 at a United Methodist church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] (b. 1961) and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] (b. 1964).

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit">https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dailyprogress/name/robert-franklin-chandler-obituary?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Because of this, Chris did not know he had a niece via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]], until she was 8 years old,<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref> and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more distant. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and the last they had heard was that she was working for the federal government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref> David, on the other hand, did attend his father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]].]]

Bob and [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] met in 1979 at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s).<ref name=godbear>[[It took a talking bear to give the name a young boy loves]]</ref> Barbara was there with a friend and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Bob claimed that Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hallway," though Barb has disputed this.<ref>[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 2]]</ref> This version of events may be why Chris figured that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]'s friend Chuck McGuigan, who worked at the pub as a bartender, has a vivid memory of them, "...acting out as a couple of drunken losers."<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref> Barb later told Chris that she ultimately married Bob because, "...he owned [[14 Branchland Court|a house]]."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barb and Bob did not have sex for at least two decades before Bob's passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms in the years leading up to his death.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] was nearly 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness ruined the relationship between himself and his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "...when that fuck Bob finally drops,"<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. At the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name = "Meet" />

===Chris===

{{see also|Bob's Letters to Chris}}

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

Bob's relationship with Chris was rather complex. While Bob was considered to be a better parent than his wife [[Barb]], he was by no means the good ol' pop-pop Chandler many thought he was. While Bob at least tried to help Chris, his attempts at doing so were either futile, misguided or even harmful to Chris in the long term.

When Chris was a boy, Bob encouraged him to learn more about the world and tried sharing his interests and hobbies, including engineering, geography and [[Stamps|stamp collecting]].

When Chris was seven, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in the years following Bob's death;<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> he and Barb had been using the space for hoard storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but figured (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and can only associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob had difficulties understanding Chris' [[Autism]] and vehemently refused to get Chris the help he needed, likely due to his antiquated view of the Mental Health system. In fact, he fought tooth and nail for years to keep Chris from getting the special education he needed to cope with the real world. It was the very reason why Bob rented a second home in a Chesterfield County so Chris couldn't attend special classes that Greene County recommended. Bob was most likely under the impression, that Chris would be thrown into a lunatic asylum, lobotomized and that Chris needs to be sheltered all his life because of it, never mind his autistic [[Savannah|granddaughter]], who lives a relatively normal life.

When Chris entered [[Manchester High]], Bob hired [[Gal pal|a bunch of girls]] to babysit Chris in a misguided attempt to socialize Chris. He let Chris believe they were legit friends, when they were only in it for their own gain.

Bob enjoyed collecting stamps as a boy growing up in the 1930s, and he continued to do so for several decades, with a focus on the United Nations and foreign countries,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> building a collection of stamp albums which filled six boxes.<ref>[[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]]</ref> He taught Chris about his hobby, buying him a beginner's stamp album in 1992.<ref>[[eBay#Chris's stamp album]]</ref> Chris seemed to enjoy the hobby as well, since he had many pages of stamps filled in. In [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letters]] to Chris (written when Chris was a few years old), Bob gave Chris permission to pass along his various collections onto others after inheriting them. In 2017, Chris began selling pieces of the inherited stamp collection. Bob's pieces were decently priced, generally for $5 per set, though he tried to sell his own personal stamp album for $1,000.<ref>[[eBay]] - see listings for their stamp collections.</ref>

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

Chris's phobia of [[Pickle|penises]] was apparently sparked from barging into his parents' room, where Bob had a habit of sleeping nude from the waist down.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref>

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements [sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded).|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. As seen during the lead up to the fateful encounter between [[Emily]], Chris and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Bob seemed to be more than happy to discuss stories with people, even those he hadn't seen or heard that much of - [[Robert Simmons V]], who met Bob during his [[Church audio|visit to Chris's church]] conversed with him extensively, later saying that he was a 'really pleasant guy.' The antagonism to which Chris refers was likely Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|A drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]

An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason as to why he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love," "support," "gratitude," and "willingness to help." Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris still ran for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional [[Mumble 1|frustration]] over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appeared that Bob was the source of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with a troll, Bob stated that Chris was [[Chris and anger|"a hell of a lot nicer"]] and "has done a lot better than" the troll calling him.<ref name="Prank">[[Prank calls#Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler]]</ref>

After Chris got his now obsolete [[CADD]] degree, instead of telling Chris to get to work like any other parent would, he encouraged Chris to stay home just so he could continue to get his taxpayer-funded [[tugboat]].

He never seemed to get past the notion that Chris could and had already achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's emails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a "fag", even though he indirectly contributed to it through his unbalanced approach of socializing Chris.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence of others for granted. He also got genuinely emotional while reading a letter that his father had left for him on-camera, again indicating how much he misses his father.<ref>[[CLog 09042017 - Mister C]]</ref>

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since his passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on in his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> and displaying two photos of him in front of his TV.<ref>[[:File:Totem2ebay.jpeg]]</ref> He often sees Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

Due to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris later expressed beliefs that Bob is half-Sonichu and is apparently still alive in the [[CWCville]] dimension. These beliefs began around December 2017 and continued even after the Idea Guys had been removed from power, as shown by the below quote from 2018's Father's Day.

{{quotebox|[[File:Father's Day 2018.jpg|200px|thumb]]

<nowiki>#HappyFathersDay</nowiki> to each and every Father in This World and in Every Single Other Dimension Too! My father is alive again! I still love him, even in his checker-patterned glory! ⚡️💙❤️⚡️<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191211070743/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref>}}

In the [[Incest Call]], Chris claimed he was better at [[Affair with Mother|pleasuring]] [[Barb]] than his own father. One can only imagine Bob's reaction to this news if he were still alive to bear witness to what his son has become.

Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Chris, his second chance at being a father, was Bob's greatest failure as a parent, even when factoring in his strained relationship with his other children.

===Other relationships===
In spite of his redneck background, Bob seems to have gotten along better with foreigners than with his own countrymen. His closest friend in Richmond was Reverend Chen of Korean Canaan Presbyterian Church,<ref>[[Date with Emily#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> and he had English friends through his involvement with Matt's British Pub.<ref name=godbear></ref> He also had friends in Australia.<ref>BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7</ref>

From his father's second marriage, Bob had, "...a large number of half-brothers and sisters in... [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Salem, North Carolina]],"<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref> but he does not seem to have been very close with them. Bob's stepmother's obituary confirms that eight of these half-siblings were alive as of 2015.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref>

[[Prank calls#Call Bobby Chandler|Contrary to popular beliefs]], he did not have friends in the Ku Klux Klan.

==Later life, poor health and death==
[[File:Bob playbill for musical push cart.jpg|thumb|200px|Playbill for Mr. C. and his musical pushcart.]]

Bob lived on Social Security as well as his General Electric pension.<ref name = "Retired Life" /> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to 'swing with the music' on his swing there.<ref name="Retired Life" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple-bypass operations took place first in August 1980 and at last in 1992. He had {{w|Coronary artery disease}} and wore an {{w|Artificial cardiac pacemaker|artificial pacemaker}}.<ref>[[Autism papers#FAMILY_HISTORY:]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He apparently had several vivid near-death experiences: during [[Date with Emily#Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)|Chris's date with]] [[Emily]], Bob tells her that he has "died" several times, and Chris says that Bob, "...has seen the light, but did not actually go to it." In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build-up in his legs, which is symptomatic of CHF. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [sic] {{w|heart failure}}". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and [[White-Knighting|white knights]] alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Chris and his Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210121845/https://www.healthline.com/health/chf-life-expectancy]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and [[Tour of Chris's House|lifestyle]] made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naïve|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well". Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an email to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk. On the sixth of that month, he died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit"></ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12–19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927–2011."<ref name="BobObit" />

It is said that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Marvin]] and other trolls, using the [[Jackie]] identity as a catfish, attempted to contact Chris over the phone shortly after Bob's death for unclear reasons; Chris was noted to be audibly upset as he cried throughout the conversation. While the audio was recorded and archived on what is referred to as the "Black Tape" by some Christorians, the contents of the call were never released publicly due to Chris's miserable emotional state. The trolls who participated in the call realized after the fact that it was simply too soon to try to reach out to Chris in this fashion and, for a change, opted to respect his privacy for once. The Black Tape either still exists in the hands of the trolls who participated in its creation, or it has been lost to time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Marvin)#The Black Tape]]</ref>

Bob's death also marked another significant change in Chris's life, as the vast majority of the trolls associated with the "Classic Era" voluntarily retired from trolling Chris, knowing that he was deeply depressed by his father's passing. Only a few of these trolls still remain active as observers on [[Kiwi Farms]], and a trolling renaissance did not begin until much later in the decade with the advent of the [[Idea Guys]].

==Cause of death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claimed that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.

{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}

Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case), Chris's actions stemmed purely from selfishness and egotism – business as usual.

Years later, in 2017, Chris revised his claim and said that Bob was killed after hospital staff surprised him with a "Loud Noise." He went on to say that he had more freedom when Bob was alive.

{{quote|I wish I could go back to September 5, 2011 and stop the staff from making the Loud Noise that killed my father with stressful surprise. I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris<ref name=LoudNoise></ref>}}

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counseled Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

With Chris taking part in writing the obituary, it's amazing that the writing stayed focus on Bob and did not once mention Sonichu or become about Chris (except for the request for money at the end).

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
{{quoteboxgray|
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.<ref name="BobObit" />}}

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville, VA|all things considered]]) who tried ([[2014 house fire|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) his best to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Date with Emily|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris, but stopped altogether in his later years, leaving Chris to his own devices.

On the other hand, we have him to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backward]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He managed to alienate his other children enough that [[Carol Chandler|his daughter]] didn't attend his funeral or keep in touch while he was alive. He helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Chris and his ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's crippling dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He bailed out his son repeatedly and never really let Chris experience the [[Financhu Crisis|consequences]] of his misinformed [[Chris and money|life decisions]]. He never made any serious effort to correct his son's glaring character flaws and shortcomings, even when he [[Bob Walks In|caught him masturbating in the kitchen]]. The [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|few]] times he did intervene, it wasn't even for Chris' own benefit, but to shake off the trolls and the Health department. He also did not make any real attempt to provide for Chris's future, beyond ensuring the tugboat. He left all of his money to Barbara, who promptly wasted it all on [[Rob Bell|lawyer's fees]] – a conscientious parent would have anticipated this and put some of the money in a trust for Chris, not that Chris would've handled the money any better. Better yet, he could've given the money to his son Alan, Carol or his own [[Savannah|granddaughter]].

While some like to remember Bob as a kind-hearted, albeit ignorant old man who tried his best to be a good father, others see him as a remnant of a bygone era who is responsible for moulding Chris into the person he is today.

{{clear}}

==Chris's beliefs on Bob's afterlife==
===Idea Guy influences===
{{quote|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr's and Ted Bundy's souls never went to Heaven or Hell; They both became reborn ''[...]'' as their respective Sonichu forms. ''[...]'' Mister C. and Ted also serve to help the nation of CWCville in defense, and in intellect.|[[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], page 49}}

[[File:Bobchu.jpeg|thumb|150px|Bob's Sonichu form.]]
[[File:Bob meets Ted Bundy, Sonichu 16.JPG|Bob meets Ted Bundy in the hereafter.|thumb|150px]]

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspectives of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Perhaps one of the more heinous examples of this was the Idea Guys' [[Chris and manipulation|manipulation]] of Chris's views on his own father; views which Chris has yet to abandon, despite the Idea Guys being removed from power by the [[Guard Dogs]] in mid-2018. Ideas involving Bob include:

*Bob's spirit resides in CWCville, dimension [[C-197]], as a half-Sonichu named Robertchu, styled in his Sonichu form as a beaver with checkerboard fur<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122024/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref><ref>The drawing of Robertchu was among those drawn for Idea Guy, and no references to it exist beforehand.</ref> (a reference to his troll-given Internet Lumberjack nickname).

*Bob met serial killer Ted Bundy while in CWCville and helps defend it alongside Ted.<ref>[[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]]</ref>

Post-Idea Guys, Chris decided that Robertchu's fur color was really red with black ears because he found it too time-consuming to draw the checkerboard pattern.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Father's Day memorial]]</ref>

Robertchu was featured as cards in Chris's homemade [[Shipfic]] expansion. In one, Chris photoshopped a photo of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] so that she is standing beside a drawing of Robertchu in his Sonichu form. The card text reads, "Honey, I'm Home" and states:

{{quotebox|Every once in a while, Mister C runs back home to offer comfort to Barbara. Before the Dimension Merge's completion, she has missed him everyday, and found the solace and comfort when he comes by. He continues to carry a torch for her in his heart and soul while he helps to protect everyone in Cwcville and at this old temple of a house.}}

[[File:RobertchuBackHome.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Robertchu as a [[Shipfic]] card.]]

{{clear}}

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
{{quote|Christian, you are not a girl! Go put your pants back on.|Bob, ''Sonichu'' #12}}

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb]]

In [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|"Spring Break, 2008"]], a radio announcement from [[Jamsta Sonichu]] mentions that Bob founded [[CWCville]] in 1982, presumably after Chris's birth on [[Chris's birthday|24 February]] given that Bob named the city after his newborn son. Comic Bob presumably served as mayor before Chris took the office at an unknown date. At other points, Bob was mentioned in Chris's tangents about hating men other than himself and his father.

In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|"Date Ed"]], there are two dolls for the class to practice talking to, girls received "Robert" dolls, while boys received "Barbara" dolls, an obvious reference/homage to Bob and Barb.

Bob made his first official appearance in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Barb and various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

[[File:Bob,Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Bob appears in a set of pages that combine an autobiographical account of Chris coming out as a [[tomgirl]] to his parents, and a tribute to his late father. He is depicted as an elderly man, as the page took place in 2010 (due to Chris's [[Oedipus complex]], Barb is depicted as much more youthful). He attempts to dissuade Chris from continuing his tomgirl lifestyle, although Chris states that Bob later, "...told me he accepts and love ''[sic]'' me for who I am," shortly before his passing in 2011.

Chris concludes Bob's appearance in the book with a photo in memoriam of his life, saying that he and Barb continue to miss him every day.

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Bob, pictured at right, as ''Gallop Crush'', in a [[MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying that they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]. The ponified Bob, known as "Gallop Crush", appears as [[Night Star]]'s father, reaffirming the self-insert nature of Chris's ponysona.

In the [[Idea Guy]]-written [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], Bob's spirit crosses over into CWCville where he meets and strikes up a conversation with serial killer [[Ted Bundy]].

{{Mayors of CWCville}}

===As a toy===

<center><gallery>
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]]. Oh yes.
File:ChrisFamilyEtsyC.jpg|Promo drawing
</gallery></center>

===Audio and video===

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
*[[Christmas|25 December]] [[2004]]: Bob makes multiple physical appearences in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]], where he appears remarkably depressed.
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]] in the [[kitchen]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church Visit|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these. He was usually sincere when talking with prank callers, providing them with true and honest information about himself and Chris, but was occasionally pushed to trolling them back, on one occasion telling a particularly obnoxious pair of trolls that he had ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College sophomore yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn junior yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:WW2BobChandler(badquality).jpg|Bob's 1946 U.S. Army draftee (written in 1945).
File:Bob1946WW2DraftCardPhysicalDetail.png|Bob's 1946 Draft card on a physical detail (written in 1945).
File:BobPatMarriage.png|Bob and Patricia's newspaper engagement.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census.
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census.
File:Bob1950Census.jpg|Bob in the Jacksonville State Teachers University's dormitory room - 1950s census.
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Christmas at the Chandlers, taken sometime during the 1980s.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg
File:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
File:1993family.png|Barb, Chris and Bob in [[1993]]
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
File:0090-Christmas95-5.jpg
File:0091-Christmas95-6.jpg
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
File:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg
File:0473-CWC18th4.jpg
File:0114-MomsBirthday97-2.jpg
File:0115-MomsBirthday97-3.jpg
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
File:Bob1997article1.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in July 1997.
File:Bob1997article2.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in August 1997.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
File:0472-CWC18th3.jpg
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan tributes==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==References==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122203/https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/141038783/robert-franklin-chandler Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
{{ChildhoodSaga}}
{{GreeneSaga}}
{{BearsteinSaga}}
{{JulieSaga}}
{{EmilySaga}}
{{IvySaga}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Slow-in-the-minds

2024-06-12T08:59:01Z

Sorades:

{{quote|I am Sometimes Retarded.|[[Chris]]<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}
{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY retarded...|Chris<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'M RETARDED.|Chris<ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional [sic]; it would be like looking through a Window to Hell to me.|Chris on other autistic people, [[IRC (17 December 2008)]]}}

[[File:That-cwc-look.jpg |thumb|200px|Chris, thinking.]]

"'''Slow-in-the-minds'''" and "'''slow-minded'''" are [[CWC-isms]] that refer to developmentally disabled, cognitively delayed, crazy, and/or generally unintelligent people (other than [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] himself, [[Ego|of course]]). The term was first seen in a 1999 [[Manchester_High_Leaks#Help_This_Unborn_Child|high school assignment]] about prenatal development, where Chris identified various factors that could cause newborn children to have "slow minds". It also showed up in his school project "[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]".

"Slow-in-the-minds" hits a fine trifecta of points. One, it displays Chris's [[Ego|arrogance]], seeing as how it applies to so many classes of people, all of whom he considers "slower" than he. Two, it shows Chris's [[Chris and his ego|lip-service attention to fitting into society]], it sounds incredibly ableist, and is just a childish euphemism. Three, there's a [[Chris and hypocrisy|delicious irony]] in Chris decrying students who are "slow in the mind" when [[Honor roll|he never was the brightest candle on the cake]].

In a number of responses from the [[Mailbag]], Chris has explained that he finds the mentally challenged (especially those with physical [[duck|deformities]]) creepy, likening them to zombies.<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref> In [[June 2013]], when someone on the [[CWCki Forums]] suggested that Chris date someone who was "mildly mentally retarded," Chris replied, "would YOU, in full honesty, full truth, in your right mind, at all, date a 'Special Girl'? How would you feel if you woke up the next morning with droning moaning and blather coming from the face next to you?"<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Should Chris Consider Dating A 'Special' Girl?]]</ref> Chris's bigotry extends to his fellow [[Autism|autistics]] — he speaks in incredibly cruel and derisive terms about the various mental and physical problems that are thrust upon these innocent individuals, whereas he, as a self-proclaimed "[[Chris and his Ego|high-functioning]]" autistic, is pure and clean.

Despite that he seems to barely consider low-functioning autistics human, Chris often styles himself as a spokesperson for autism, making a stand against [[Asperger syndrome]] in the non-existent conflict between autism and Aspergers. This delusion is made most apparent in the [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article on Aspergers]]. It has been suggested that Chris says these things to make himself look good, and also to complain that he should be receiving the care and attention that those with Aspergers receive.

Chris seems to interpret the "high-functioning" part of his diagnosis as a compliment, giving him the best of both worlds: he can blame any of his shortcomings on his autism, but still console himself with the fact that he's "high-functioning" and therefore better than the "slow-in-the-minds".

[[Image:Chris_and_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] is also a slow-in-the-mind]]

==Uses by Chris==
Chris's use of this term has evolved over the years. Early on, he pointedly distinguished between the "slow-minded" and himself. In late 2009 and onward, however, he began referring to himself as "a little slow" or "sometimes slow", once he discovered he could use it as an excuse for his many failings.

* In [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], Chris described his peers on his school bus as "slow-in-the-minds."
* In [[Sub-Episode 6]], when exploring the ecology of the [[Jerkop]], Chris noted that "slow-minded people" are susceptible to becoming Mary Lee Walsh's rent-a-cop slaves. He added that because he is, of course, not slow-in-the-mind, he is immune to the "hypno-gun" that brainwashes the Jerkops.
* [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]] featured, among other things, Chris attempting to correct the "misconception" that he is a "slow-minded person."
* In a [[IRC (18 December 2008)|December 2008 IRC chat]], when asked to give an example of learning from his mistakes, Chris said, "when it was spelled out for me that a sign by my side made me look slow-minded, when clearly I am not."
* Chris mentioned the same incident in a [[Chris_E-mails_2007#February|2007 e-mail]] to his old schoolteacher Virginia Sanford: "I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the 'R' Word."
* Conversing with his "fans" in [[Mumble 8]], Chris claimed, "For the record, I'm not, I'm not slow in the mind."
* While mocking a (legitimately mentally disabled) fan of his [[CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Naïve_YouTubers#CWC_Calls_Out_sonichuizcool|on YouTube]], Chris said, "You’re so [[naïve]] and slow in the mind."
* In [[Kacey Call 5]], Chris admitted "that I'm a little bit re-, that I'm a little bit slow sometimes."
* In [[Kacey Call 9]], Chris referred to a fellow high school student as "this one slow-minded individual named Tony" who "just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot."
* During the [[Father Call]], Chris said, "I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments."
* In his [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|CWCipedia article]] on Asperger's syndrome, Chris admitted that "my mentality is sometimes slow."
* While begging off from some of the difficult questions he faced in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]], Chris whined about how "Sometimes my mind's a little slow."
* In the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris referred to Virginia gubernatorial candidates [[Wikipedia:Bob McDonnell|Bob McDonnell]] and [[Wikipedia:Creigh Deeds|Creigh Deeds]] as being "not so swift."
* In [[Jackie Chat 8]], Chris admitted that "I sometimes feel mentally slow."
* Likewise, in a July 2010 [[Jackie E-mails 3|e-mail to Jackie]], he said "I am sometimes mentally slow and don't get all of the details at once and such." This became a recurring theme in Chris's conversations with Jackie, as he repeatedly tried to use his "slow-mindedness" as an excuse. The [[Jackie E-mails 20|20th collection of e-mails]] has a few good examples.
* Talking about his high school days in the [[Lars Call]], Chris said, "Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before."
* Chris admitted to his private Facebook friends in [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#I Don't Know|February 2012]], "I'm slow on the take sometimes to often."
* At their December 2014 [[Catherine#The bowling outing|bowling outing]], Chris told [[Catherine]] and her [[Cousin Al|cousin Al]] that the person responsible for the paperwork allowing him and his mother to move back into [[14 Branchland Court]] after the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]] was "a senile slow-in-the-mind."

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan (forum)]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy]]
*[[Jackie Chat 9]], where Chris discusses his experiences on the short bus.

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Duck

2024-06-11T10:53:18Z

Sorades: /* Chris and his duck */

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Curve.JPG|center]]

{{quote|I'VE. GOT. A. GOD. DAMN. MOTHER. FUCKIN'. 6 INCH. COCK. WITH. 4 INCH. DI-AM-A-TER ''BALLS''!|Chris, [[Chris humps his PS3|while humping his PS3]]}}

{{quote|Did I not just tell you I am Seven Inches Long?! It is soo long, that I am literally able to stretch it Under my taint, and tuck it between my own ass cheeks, beyond my ass hole. With help, I can literally even shove the head of the Ugly Growth Up Mine!|Chris, displaying his love-hate relationship with his penis to [[Colin]].}}

{{quote|I actually do Not fap; Not for Years, believe me. And certainly Never Nowadays Ever.|Chris, January 2018<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>}}

'''Duck''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for penis, usually in the context of [[Chris]]'s [[ego|own]] penis. (The genitalia of other [[JERKS|males]], and [[Silvana|those of Rosechus]], are [[pickle]]s.) This neologism was originally thought to be a [[Chris and English|misspelling]] of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 [[February 2009]] [[Mumble]] chat that it is an intentional euphemism.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

Chris's duck is known for being bent at an angle and further abused by him with hygiene issues, with Chris's [[Transgender|hormone replacement therapy]] further altering the duck. Coincidentally, real-life ducks are known for their horrifying, twisted penises.

==Chris and his duck==

[[Image:Loch Ness.jpg|thumb|left|180px|Indeed a monster.]]

Chris's circumcised penis is bent at a [[Nudes|horrifying 35° angle]], though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]], or more likely [[Wikipedia:Chordee|chordee]]. Further damage could have resulted from when Chris [[Cwcsicle|stuck his duck in the ice]] for 15 minutes trying to imitate ''Jackass''.

[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|Modified dildo harness Chris began using in 2014 to tuck the duck.|thumb|200px]]
He has a history of urinary tract infections (UTIs), getting at least three over a span of eight years<ref>[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2011-2012#UTI]]</ref><ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Life problems]]</ref><ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203352143270481925</ref>. UTIs are rarely seen in men, owing to the length of the urethra making it harder for bacteria to reach the bladder. In Chris's case, his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], hygiene issues, and the penis-tucking device he used for his [[transgender]]ism increases his chances of getting UTIs.

Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long.<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref> He even [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_the_CWCki#8_May.2C_03:09_-_03:16|edited]] the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. In spite of this, [[Nudes|visual evidence]] suggests it is at least an inch shorter (five inches being closer to the average size), and Chris [[Obesity|readily lies]] about the dimensions of his body. In a Let's Read of the 'Giant Penis' comic, one reader speculates that the duck is about 3 inches long (7.5 cm). This is possible, considering Chris did indeed trace his duck onto the paper at the request of Ivy, and more than likely he used standard computer paper - 8.5 inches by 11 inches - and the duck looks to be about 1/3 of the paper width.
[[File:Duck_edited.jpg|thumb|left|A [[Liquid Chris|TRUE and HONEST]] duck]]
Chris at least concedes that his penis is of no more than average size, which is a source of some insecurity for him. In [[:File:Evan_responds_to_his_death.png|an e-mail]] to [[Evan]] during their feud over [[Simonla Rosechu]], he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you." In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris asked Kacey for details as to the size of Liquid Chris's penis and expressed regret that his own was not as large. He once attempted to enlarge it with [[Wikipedia:ExtenZe|ExtenZe]], a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

Toward the very end of his [[Jackie E-mails 23|communications with Jackie]], Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. This claim was disproven in the [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]] [[:File:TG20.jpg|images]], leaked in [[April 2011]], wherein his penis is still visibly bent and the same size it always was.

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his [[Wikipedia:pubic hair|pubic hair]]. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just draws attention to the abundant pubic fat surrounding his genitalia. This can not be described as an attractive effect.

When he announced the alleged loss of his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] on [[Facebook]], Chris claimed his sex partner praised his duck for its size, saying it was the biggest she had ever seen, and put all past partners to shame. This sex partner was later confirmed to be a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]],<ref>[[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Other_documents#Chris.27s_wingman]]</ref> so while it is likely that she said it, its sincerity is dubious.

As of 2014, Chris [[Un-clit|now actively ''despises'' his own duck]] in the wake of his [[transgender]]ism. It is common for transsexuals to detest their own genitalia, which they perceive as incorrect, and in fact, he even uses a homemade device to hold it in. However, the fact that Chris loathed ALL penises is more indicative of issues with his sexuality than with his gender. In 2016, Chris began listening to [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] to try to magically convert his duck into [[china]]. In July of that year, he grew tired of waiting and made a [[self-inflicted taint wound]] to try freeing the vagina, which naturally failed. Also during that year, Chris began taking MTF hormones, eliminating what was left of his sex drive.

[[Image:1256079873949.jpg|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the [[Giant Penis Comic|traced penis]].]]

Nonetheless, Chris has been seen using his duck [[All Star|in a 2018 sex tape]], perhaps indicating that he still enjoys masturbation in spite of his claims to the contrary. His turn to [[Bisexual|bisexuality]] may have had something to do with this. However, it should also be noted that he appeared to be deeply uncomfortable while filming the scene, which was later revealed to have been orchestrated by the [[Idea Guys]].

During the infamous [[incest call]] and the [[Incest fallout chat leaks]], Chris revealed, [[Honest Content|in excruciating detail]], that he had been having sex with his own mother through a variety of means, including penile penetration. Chris claimed that his duck still worked just fine, despite using estrogen supplements for years before having sex with Barb, and that he wore condoms during these encounters, despite the fact that she is well past the age of getting pregnant and that neither of them have STIs.

Prior to going to jail, Chris had contemplated [[Transgender#Interest in sexual reassignment surgery|gender reassignment surgery]], a medical procedure which would complete his "transition" into a female, or at least that's what Chris believes. However, due to [[Financhu Crisis|the financial issues facing the Chandler household]], it seems unlikely that Chris would be able to afford one, and it's not likely that he'll get support to get the operation since his stay in the slammer. Even if he was somehow able to finance the procedure, it's unlikely Chris will go through with it before finding a [[Sweetheart]] to birth his imaginary daughter [[Crystal]], as the procedure would essentially turn him into a eunuch by removing his horribly bent penis and testicles.

==References by Chris==
* One of the annotations from [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
* In his final [[SingStar_Challenge#Video_11|SingStar Challenge]] song, "[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|Smell Yo Dick]]" (as chosen by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]), he attempts to [[Chris and hypocrisy|circumvent his own rules]] about not changing lyrics by saying ''duck'' instead of ''dick.''
* Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the [[Kacey]] chats) or angry (in one of the [[White Knight emails]], he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring [[Rosechu]] with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!"). He also uses the word "dick" while talking to [[Isabella Loretta Janke]].<ref>[[Incest Call]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (24 October 2008)|IRC chat]] from October 2008, Chris said, concerning [[Jimmy Hill]], "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

==See also==
* [[Comeuppance]]
* [[Nudes]]
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Piss]]
{{References}}
{{articleofthenow}}
{{Health}}
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Transgender

2024-06-10T11:25:10Z

Sorades: /* Interest in sexual reassignment surgery */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Misinfo|It is often stated that Chris admitted to adopting a transgender identity solely so that he could hook up with lesbians. While this claim is not outside the realm of possibility, no direct confession from Chris has ever been shared or leaked.}}

{{protip|While Chris did legally change his name and gender, the CWCki continues to refer to him only by his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|true, original gender]] and [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|GodBear-given name]], to keep consistent with [[Sagas#Classic Chris Era (27 October 2007 to 20 March 2010)|classical]] records. More details can be found on [[Christian Weston Chandler#Overview|Chris's dedicated page]].}}

{{quote|I would rather suffer a [[Self-inflicted taint wound|painful gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|Chris's written testimony in ''[[Sonichu 9]]'', 2008. As of 2024, Chris has not undergone sexual reassignment surgery even after identifying as trans.}}

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am woman! Roar!]]|Chris in ''[[Sonichu 11]]'', 2017, borrowing a catchphrase from [[Rosechu]].}}

{{quote|[[Messiah complex|We Gods]] had eased up on the views of [[Chris and English|"Adultry"]]; WHY Else do you all have Pro-Gay, and Pro-Lesbian, Pro-Trans, and all Today and the past Decades?|Chris likening the LGBT community to adulterers in [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a letter from jail]].}}

[[File:Chris autographed poster listing.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in [[2018]], two years after beginning HRT, holding a photo of himself taken a decade prior.]]

A person is '''transgender''' (or '''trans''') if their gender identity doesn't match their biological sex.<ref>https://www.dictionary.com/browse/transgender</ref> Over 1.6 million U.S. adults are openly trans,<ref>https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/04/02/percentage-us-population-transgender-statistics/</ref> and [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] is perhaps the most famous trans person to live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia. In [[2011]], when Chris was 29 years old, he began exploring male-to-female gender transitioning. Starting with cross-dressing, he would gradually try DIY methods to undergo physical transitioning, which were [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|pointless at best]] and [[Self-inflicted taint wound|dangerous at worst]]. In [[2016]], he began using legitimate means, such as seeing a professional specializing in gender issues and going on prescription hormone therapy later that year. In spite of his best efforts, however, Chris's post-transition appearance remains quite similar to his pre-transition appearance, only he grew his [[hair]] out and had some of his fat distribution rearranged through HRT. Chris has not undergone a MTF surgery however. Nonetheless, [[Chris and reality|he believes]] that he [[Chris and his ego|looks like a supermodel]].

Chris's identity gradually shifted over the course of his transitioning. He began as a transvestite – a male who cross-dresses yet still identifies as a man – or as Chris called it, "'''tomgirl'''". (Outside of [[CWC-isms|Chris's lexicon]], "femboy" and "femme" are commonly used to describe this kind of sexual identity in recent years, although Chris himself would not apply after becoming transgender. Nonetheless, Chris actually has used the term "femme" on his [[Facebook]] profile.) In [[2014]], he came out as a "lesbian-identified male". By the end of that year, he began identifying as a woman, calling himself a "transwoman". In [[2015]], he started going by "Christine", making the [[name change]] official the following year,<ref name=christinenamechange>[[:File:Court Record - 2016 Name Change from Christian to Christine (Chris, CL16000067-00).png]]</ref> as well as changing the gender marker on his driver's license to female. Overall, Chris has seemed to be more at peace with himself being "out" instead of suppressing his gay/trans thoughts, if not outright happier, in spite of his depressing lot in life and poor living conditions.

Chris's transition has been the subject of intense debate; views by external commentators on social media sites range from fully accepting of Chris's gender and sexuality, to scathingly critical, arguing that Chris is 'only pretending' to be trans to get romantic attention from heterosexual women, or is 'making the transgender community look bad', which isn't surprising given that Chris has mostly been rejected by most communities that he tries to join.

Chris' transition could also be a coping mechanism. Chris is attracted to something he could never understand([[Women]]), associating masculinity with the boys who bullied him. It is possible that as a result of never growing up and lack of success in his [[Love Quest]], he desperately latched on to this feminine persona.

Unsurprisingly, there are also debates on which pronouns to use when describing Chris, including from transgender observers themselves, who view the aforementioned arguments as gatekeeping, while a number of people in the LGBT community want nothing to do with Chris and would prefer he not be lumped in with them, especially in light of [[Affair with Mother|more recent events]]. Not helping matters is that Chris has utilized homophobic and transphobic language [[Chris and hypocrisy|whenever it suits him]], even after [[SLGBTQ|identifying as LGBT]]. Chris has also attempted to use his identity as a lesbian transwoman as an argument that [[List of places that have banned Chris|the people who have banned him from public places]] are being discriminatory against him and ''all'' lesbians and transwomen, much like he has done in the past with his [[Autism]], rather than as [[Kick the Autistic|often justified retribution for his bad behavior]].

==Signs of gender dysphoria==
[[File:S11-43.jpg|thumb|Chris describes his 2014 switchover in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]]]
'''Gender dysphoria''' is a feeling of conflict between a person's assigned biological sex and the gender that person identifies as, typically brought on by aspects of one's assigned gender. The trans community generally divides dysphoria into '''physical dysphoria''' (for aspects like hormones, genitals, or body characteristics) and '''social dysphoria''' (for aspects like names, pronouns, gender roles, makeup and clothing).

Symptoms in adults last at least six months and can include a belief of experiencing feelings socially associated with the desired gender, as well as wanting to be rid of the primary sex characteristics of the birth gender, have instead the sex characteristics associated with the desired gender, and be treated socially as the desired gender.<ref>https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria</ref>

Chris has exhibited signs of '''late-onset gender dysphoria''', a term describing those who begin to experience gender dysphoria in adulthood.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/gender-dysphoria</ref>

[[File:Da homos.jpg|thumb|left|Chris choosing between being transgender and being gay, in a 2009 panel from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Note his personal signature below that statement. (Ironically enough, Chris would eventually identify as [[Bisexual]], but would not undergo a gender reassignment surgery.)]]

===Early signs===
While Chris's experience is more reflective of late-onset gender dysphoria, instead of the idea that Chris was always trans but somehow kept that detail hidden from [[Trolls|prying eyes]], there have been some signs that can be interpreted as Chris having thoughts of moving away from being cisgendered. Chris's exploration of a female form of himself showed early with his desire to have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. He also added a twin [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] (also named Crystal) to the comic who strongly resembles a gender-swapped Chris. The reason behind the name:

{{quotebox|“Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>}}

In 2008, years before Chris began to crossdress, he made a remark that he felt some mild discomfort from looking at [[Duck|his own penis]].

{{quotebox|It's bad enough that I sometimes see my own when I look down (of which I don't feel as much discomfort), but the very sight of others is like kryptonite to me.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref>}}

He also has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> In 2008, he posted:

{{quotebox|I feel that I am truly in touch with my feminine side, to the point where I am capable of learning from that to better understand how to treat women in a caring, nuturing, positive way; I've also learned from Red Skelton of how to be a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder between my caring attitude and the lack of a Sweetheart if I was born the wrong gender; I would wonder what life would have been like if I had actually been born a girl.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]></ref>}}

===The Butterfly Effect===
The catalyst for Chris exploring crossdressing happened around 2011. There is some dispute as to the events that unfolded. According to [[User:Champthom|Champthom]]:<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Talk:Tomgirl_Pictures#Just_a_clarification</ref>

{{quoteboxorange|Someone said to Chris "You should get in touch with your feminine side!" and he ran wild with it.}}

However, when a fan asked [[Emily]] if she was the one to make that comment, she gave a different perspective:

{{quoteboxgreen|I've jokingly told him that before back when he was a dang dirty male and he would get pissed at me for it. What really kicked off the tomgirl and eventual tranny shit was some rando who was talking to Chris and suggested being a tomgirl since being a guy was too hard for him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (LoveYouLongTime)#Tomgirl]]</ref>}}

[[Surfshack Tito]] provided a similiar explanation:

{{quoteboxred|Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.}}

Both of those accounts are consistent with Gender Dysphoria's symptoms of wanting another gender's characteristics and feeling incompatible with a birth gender's social roles. Later that year, Chris also mentioned that in public places, he felt more comfort using the opposite sex's restroom rather than one matching his gender at birth, which is a common rite of passage for transgender people (even though Chris did not identify as transgender at this time).<ref name="Bathroom">[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]]</ref>

[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|thumb|200px|The dildo harness Chris used for tucking.]]
Over the next several years, Chris's feelings on his sex characteristics morphed into a loathing of his penis. In 2014, he took to forcing it to stay tucked with a makeshift harness.

{{quotebox|Males Offend Me, even my own Penis Totally Grosses Me Out! I am glad that I tuck it underneath my taint, so I do not have to look down at the Ugly Bulge!<ref>[[Un-clit]]</ref>}}

In 2016, Chris attempted a DIY gender transition using [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]. He was particularly drawn to tracks which claimed to convert a penis to a vagina.

{{quotebox|I would feel better knowing if the ovum do get created and further produced after the testies to ovaries transformation. ''[...]'' Ugh, we may not know for as late as six months after someone else uses the frequency set, gets herself examined, and confirms it.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>}}

Chris's dysphoria and impatience over the Subliminal Frequencies resulted in the [[self-inflicted taint wound]], an episode wherein he cut open his taint with a knife in an attempt to free his vagina.

In 2016, Chris saw a psychologist specializing in gender identity issues. The psychologist confirmed to him that he is transgender.<ref name=psychologist>Chris changed the gender marker on his driver's license to identify him as female in 2016. The procedure to do this in Virginia is to have a professional whose "practice includes the treatment and counseling of persons with gender identity issues" vouch for the person's gender identity on [https://web.archive.org/web/20161223001047/https://www.dmv.virginia.gov/webdoc/pdf/dl17.pdf this form]. Also mentioned by Chris in [[:File:SchuComic12-1P69.jpg|a ''Sonichu'' #12 page]]</ref>

[[File:Fetusbabe's cwc cosplay.jpg|thumb|left|How Chris views himself after becoming a Tomgirl.]]

===Miscellaneous signs===
Gender dysphoria explains a lot of Chris's past behavior; an example being Chris's insecurity in failing to live up to cultural perceptions of masculinity. His tendency to exaggerate or overcompensate for his fragile masculinity could be caused by subconsciously knowing that his intellectual gender does not match his biological sex. The way Chris interacted during the [[Kacey calls]] is another piece of evidence; normally, guys subconsciously lower the pitch of their voices to seem attractive to women, but when Chris was trying to woo Kacey, his voice drifted higher than hers. Additionally, Chris is known for his pathological hatred of change, unless the change is beneficial or positive for him. To assume Chris "became" trans purely for the quest for [[china]] is fairly extreme, as suddenly identifying by another gender identity is generally a life-changing event for anybody, and Chris has shown that he is incapable of substantially changing himself even with the [[Kacey|promise of a relationship]] laid in front of him.

===Autism and trans identity===
There is a correlation between [[autism]] and trans identity, though the exact reason for this correlation is still up for debate. According to a Dutch study, 7.8% of trans people are on the spectrum.<ref>https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/11/the-link-between-autism-and-trans-identity/507509/</ref> There are a number of similarities between the two disorders. Autistic people have a harder time picking up on social norms, including gender norms. Therefore, autistic people tend to have "androgynous" mental qualities and interests, and those people could perceive their brain difference as simply having the brain of the opposite gender. Both autistic and trans males tend to have mostly [[gal-pal]]s, because men tend to be rowdy and more explicitly judgmental. However, they may miss the socially complex and subtle elements of female socialization, and the actual women end up treating them with kid gloves.

The androgyny of autistic people has caught the interest of brain experts. MRI studies reveal that autistic men have "mosaic minds", which aren't just androgynous, but are extremely male in some aspects and extremely female in others. The autistic brain parts responsible for general thoughts are more masculine than the average man, with less connectivity and more localization. Autistic men excel at [[heart level|systemizing]] and struggle with [[Kindness|empathizing]], an exaggeration of the male profile. However, the parts of the brain responsible for sensation, perception and motion are more feminized.<ref>https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brains-men-autism-female-patterns/</ref> Like women, autistics have a high pain tolerance and a low pain threshold – observable in Chris. However, gender differences in the brain are only averages, and saying a man with feminine brain traits has a "female brain" is like saying a short man has a "female skeleton". Also, the gendering of autism is highly controversial, with many pointing out that the condition is a spectrum.

Kenneth Zucker, a controversial gender expert, found that gender dysphoria manifests as an obsession, and that autistic people may think they're trans if they fixate on the issue of gender.<ref>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613451/</ref>

It's also possible that Chris is genuinely transgender, but his transgender signs were "scrambled" through autism. This could be why he adapted nonstandard language for so long, and why he had to "ease into" his trans identity instead of coming out outright. For example, he identified as a tomgirl for years before his transgender identity came to the forefront, and he speaks of a "female soul" more than a "female brain."

==The transition==
===Tomgirl===
[[File:TG11.jpg|thumb|[[It's not that cold|"Would you fuck me,]] [[/cow/|789chan?]] [[Chris and his ego|I'd fuck me."]]]]

{{Quote|Yes, I am a Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be [[Homos|a full-blown you-know-what]]. ''[...]'' I have been more self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts, and I am greeting women left and right.|Chris<ref name=Jackie24>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Also, here is another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie.|Chris, Jackie email, May 6 2011<ref name=Jackie24></ref>}}

According to an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]] on 26 [[March 2011]], Chris started cross-dressing at the beginning of that month.<ref name="Jackie24"></ref> On 30 March 2011, Chris changed his [[PSN]] quote to the [[CWC-ism]] "I am Tomgirl".

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px|PSN quote]]

On 29 April, the [[Tomgirl Pictures]] were released by Surfshack Tito. In them, Chris is dressed in woman's clothing, posing in what he believes are seductive positions. For some reason, Chris removed the Tomgirl PSN quote immediately after PSN came back online after a month of inactivity on 14 May, possibly due to receiving attention from [[trolls]].

On 16 August 2011, Chris recorded [[Kaka Makeup Basics]], a makeup tutorial video, reinforcing his tomgirl identity.

To show his support to all tomgirls and tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]], consisting of a tomgirl, [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] (formerly Robbie, now Roberta), and tomboys [[Cera]] and [[Christine]].

Still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

===Lesbian-identified male===
On 14 August [[2014]], Chris revealed via [[Facebook]] that he was a self-described "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser", posting shortly afterward to be a lesbian in a male body<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref>. He also proclaimed that he is a supporter of "LBT" rights, which seems to have neatly coincided with the advent of his professed status as a transgender person. His omission of the "G" (Gay) was attacked by [[Kim Wilson|Kim]], in the face of which Chris admitted that the "G.M.s" were "fortunate" to be "on the boat", suggesting that he hadn't yet changed his views on [[Homos|gay men]].

In [[July 2014]], Chris had a vision, while meditating, about being a lesbian in a past life.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref> He took it as a sign affirming his gender identify. Years later, in a 2019 interview, he said:

{{quotebox|I had, exhibited but not totally realized my uh, feminine habits and traits and then it became more apparent to me that I was definitely soulfully a woman, due to the vision I had where I saw myself in a past lifetime by the tree at Woodstock and I was a woman then so yep, I'm soulfully a woman, so, so it's a good thing to go on from there and I never regretted it.<ref>[[Jackson Dalton]]</ref>}}

In September 2014, a fan inquired on his preferred gender and pronouns. Chris replied that he was very comfortable being referred to by either pronoun, adding that he would be flattered at being mistaken as a woman. He added that he did not currently have plans to change his name.<ref>[[Misc texts#Name change question]]</ref>

He began going to the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in fall 2014.

===Lesbian transwoman===
{{quote|I am a (Female Soul) Transwoman (no operation yet), And a Lesbian.|Chris, January 2015<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#Baby, Chris Was Born This Way]]</ref>}}

[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris(tine)'s new driver's license and "woman card". His signature is surprisingly neat considering the [[Chris and art|quality of his art]]. Also, the woman card probably looks great next to his [[autism]] card.]]

In Spring 2015, Chris changed his mind on his pronoun and name and referred to himself as Christine (apparently ignorant that Christian was originally a female name), a "Lesbian TransWoman", using female pronouns.<ref>[[Facebook#Contact and Basic Info]]</ref>

In May 2015, Chris turned his fursona, [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], into a lesbian transwoman. He also wrote about a fantasy in which Chris-chan Sonichu impregnates himself with his own semen to produce two children.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref>

After being rejected as a sperm donor the previous year, Chris tried his own DIY method to preserve his sperm for the possibility of gender surgery. [[Chris's Specimen Sample]] is a video of him showing off his collection of semen in Tupperware containers in his [[kitchen]] freezer, and dates on the containers indicate he was doing this for at least nine months, though this was futile as the sperm was destroyed by placing it in a home freezer.

In [[May 2016]], he successfully filed for a [[name change]] to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref name=christinenamechange></ref> Later, with the help of his gender psychologist, he also filed paperwork with the DMV for a new driver's license identifying him as female, which was granted.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

Chris was unaware that he also had the option to update his birth certificate; upon finding out, he decided not to, stating:

{{quotebox|I had no idea one can update their birth certificate too. For me though, I’d leave mine the way it is, because I am not going to deny my own history and past. I was born male, and dubbed “Christopher”, but I realized I was female the whole time and changed my name to “Christine” soon enough. And to have those on my drivers license is good enough for me.<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/1034472015942565888</ref>}}

The [[self-inflicted taint wound]], Chris's attempt to free his imaginary vagina, happened in summer 2016. In fall, Chris began taking HRT.<ref name=hormonetherapy></ref>

He attended LGBT events such as [[Cville Pride]], [[Love is Love]] and [[UVA Remembers Pulse]], and considered himself to be a member of the [[SLGBTQ]] community.

===Bisexual transwoman===
{{main|Bisexual}}

In early 2018, Chris suddenly announced that he identified as [[bisexual]] rather than lesbian - the result of [[brainwashing]] from the [[Idea Guys]] to make Chris think he was in relationships with fictional male characters.

==Interest in sexual reassignment surgery==
In the years before he formally identified as transgender, Chris had given some thought to sex reassignment surgeries. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref>

Chris's thoughts on the procedure shifted over time. In his pre- and early-transgender state, his opinion was essentially that MTF transwomen should not undertake the surgery as it would not grant them functional female reproductive organs.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> Later, as his gender identity changed, he became more open to the idea, but wanted to hold off until either [[Crystal]] was conceived or his sperm could be preserved.

{{quote|If [my child was a] Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, mid-2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally, he must first impregnate someone (he can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent.")<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> Second, his belief that his penis could still be useful for relationship purposes - wanting to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina."<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

During 2014, Chris stated that he was contemplating sexual reassignment surgery.

{{quote|I Hate Being Born A Male, and after I have my children, I am getting an Organ Sex Change Operation!|Chris, hoping to impregnate someone who will give him a baby boy and a baby girl.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>}}

He tried to fulfill the prophecy of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]'s birth by using a sperm bank, however, the bank rejected him.<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Need my daughter]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

In 2020, when Chris was asked about if he would be getting a sexual reassignment surgery, he answered with the following:

{{quote|Yes, and [[Chris and reality|this body is going to become fully, genuinely transformed and birth-able]].|Chris<ref>[[Discord Q&A 7]]</ref>}}

Chris, presumably realizing that his [[semen]] would no longer be potent enough to conceive a child due to hormone replacement therapy that he was utilizing, now seems to think that he's got another way to make Crystal and [[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]] real. It goes without saying that Male-To-Female transgender people cannot conceive children due to the hormonal imbalances that impact their fertility, and even though research on the possibility of transplanting a uterus into an MTF body is being done, Chris lacks significant income to finance such a procedure anyway, [[Chris and health|presuming that he'd even be healthy enough or physically capable of bearing children]] by the time that such a medical breakthrough could be realized. How Chris plans to get the money to get a sex change or a hypothetical uterine transplantation amidst the [[Financhu Crisis]] remains unclear; it's entirely possible that Chris believes that some part of the [[Dimensional Merge]] will allow him to fully become a woman and allow him to fulfill his fantasy of becoming a parent.

Not that Chris could afford sex reassignment anyway, as it costs thousands of dollars, while Chris [[Financhu Crisis|struggles to pay his basic bills]] and [[Chris and money|spends what little he does save on frivolities]] like trips to [[BronyCon]]. It's even more impossible now that he's been incarcerated. Even then, it's unlikely Chris would go through with the procedure, as doing so would castrate Chris and render him unable to have children.

==List of Chris's MTF transition methods==
[[File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|thumb|250px|Chris's menstrual pads]]

Chris has made several attempts to transition into a true and honest woman. Unfortunately for him, he has a strong belief in junk science and miracle cures. As a result, his initial favored methods produced no benefits or were harmful to his health.

In 2016, he saw a psychologist over his gender transition.<ref name=psychologist></ref>

*[[Hair|Growing out his hair]]
*[[Chris and fashion|Changing his clothing]]
*[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Shaved eyebrows|Shaving his eyebrows]]
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS#Menstrual pads|Using menstrual pads]]
*[[Un-clit|Piercing his taint and letting it get inflamed]]
*[[September_2015_Facebook_Posts#Spoiler_Alert:_It.27s_a_Fake_Vagina|Requesting his fans to fund a prosthetic vagina]]
*[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs|Wearing a vibrating bra]]
*[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Taking Oestrogel without physician approval]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]
*[[My Breast Massage Routine 18+|Breast massaging]]
*[[Self-inflicted taint wound#Self-inflicted?|Cutting open his taint with a knife]]
*[[Chris and health#Hormone_treatment|Female hormone vitamins]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT|Going on actual hormone replacement therapy]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid|Eating prunes and putting soy sauce on everything]]

===Voice training===
[[File:TransTimeline.png|thumb|left|350px|Chris's self-posted transition timeline from 2009 to 2019, when Chris was on feminizing hormone therapy for 3 years. Aside from having longer [[hair]] and the fat distribution shifting around the facial area due to using HRT ([[Obesity|and getting progressively fatter over the years]]), Chris's appearance is largely the same post-transition [[Chris and health#Hygiene|due to poor hygiene]] and likely misapplying the transition-related materials that had been prescribed to him.]]Chris has been making an effort to feminize his voice, but instead of pulling off a convincing femme voice like some other trans women, he talks with a Mickey Mouse falsetto. The falsetto often drops down to his old voice at some point in a given video, sometimes as soon as he introduces himself. He has also ditched his monotone speech pattern for an extreme sing-song tone, especially when he adds bits of [[random-access humor]]. In [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|Q&A NO MORE]], he continued to affect a feminine voice when he was yelling, resulting in a cartoonish witch-like scream.

Ironically, Chris's pre-transition voice was already naturally high, around the same fundamental pitch as [[Chris and reality#Psychological problems|a child]]. Instead of going even higher in pitch, he could have worked on feminizing his resonance (the "buzz" of a male voice) and inflections with daily practice, possibly with the help of a voice trainer. But alas, that takes [[Stress|effort]].

===Hormone therapy===
{{see also|Chris and health#Gender transitioning}}

At first, between 2015 through fall 2016, Chris attempted using [[Oestrogel]] as a DIY hormone therapy method. Since Oestrogel is a hormone replacement gel meant for menopausal women, and Chris's self-regimen consisted of slathering entirely too much of the medication on himself, any effects were questionable and a potential health risk.

Chris eventually went on a prescribed HRT treatment consisting of estradiol and spironolactone<ref>[[Sachumo Interview]]</ref> around the fall of 2016.<ref name=hormonetherapy>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref> The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] explained:

{{quoteboxgreen|Basically if you say the right things to a therapist for a few months, they'll write you a recommendation for HRT and send you to an endocrinologist. Chris was referred to one at UVA. They gave him a script and made him sign away liability (the "informed consent" part).<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#HRT]]</ref>}}

Chris also mentioned taking hormones to [[Idea Guy]]:

{{quoteboxred|I can say that Chris knows the fact that he shortened his lifespan taking those hormones. In fact, I wouldn’t say he’s suicidal, so much as he’s fine with the idea he could die sooner. I dunno if it counts as his view of reality, but Chris thinks he might be able to have a baby once the transition is complete (I have nothing to do with that. Chris said it’s a possibility he could get pregnant).<ref name=ig>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>}}

Chris's health insurance, the taxpayer-funded Medicare program, covers HRT.<ref>https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare</ref>

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris still took HRT, shown by a medical receipt from [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]].<ref>[[Jail Art (reverse side)#Goddess At Work]]</ref>

==Reactions==
Being a rural southerner, Chris comes from a conservative region and background. His parents are conservative, and anti-LGBT sentiment is strong outside college and LGBT circles. In addition, forums documenting Chris (from [[4chan]] to [[Kiwi Farms]]) tend to be "politically incorrect" and tell things "like it is". As you'd might expect, reactions to Chris's transition are overwhelmingly negative. While the trans community was comparatively more welcoming to Chris than other groups, a number of trans activists distanced themselves from Chris following the incest incident, while others found it reprehensible but felt an obligation to respect his preferred pronouns.

===Parents===
[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|thumb|250px|A panel from [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] of an autobiographical narrative of Chris coming out as a tomgirl to his parents.]]

Chris's parents were not happy when he began crossdressing. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] "threw the damned 'fag' card" at Chris.<ref name=ComingOut>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents]]</ref> [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] made negative remarks, such as "I didn't raise a daughter",<ref name=ComingOut></ref> "do not wear eye shadow", "you look like [[Stephanie Bustcakes|a prostitute]]", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker", "you're turning into a [[homos|gay]]", "[[Un-clit|what are you piercing next?]]" and "what's next, you [[I Love You, Catherine|wearing a skirt]] and high heels?".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>

Barbara also tried to pay Chris to stop wearing panties and go back to wearing briefs – however, Chris refused.<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers]]</ref>

During [[May 2011]], an angry Barbara chopped Chris's hair short in a failed attempt to stop his crossdressing, prompting Chris to call her a bitch:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

{{quotebox|My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer; murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much. And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can not be seen in public with this short-hair mess. }}

Chris then remarked, "I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us."

Before Bob passed away in the fall of 2011, he told Chris he accepted and loved him for who he is.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref>

Over the next few years, Barbara remained opposed to Chris's crossdressing. Chris stated in 2014: "I would cross dress more often if my mother was not against me doing it (panties and bra included, but wear them anyway)."<ref>According to Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile</ref> However, Barbara's resistance gradually diminished and Chris resumed openly crossdressing. When Chris legally changed his name to Christine in 2016, he did so behind Barb's back, though she later found out and was livid with him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (MasterDisaster)#Name Change Drama]]</ref>

Chris's gender identity may be the only significant thing in which he has successfully resisted the will of his parents.

===Locals===
In May 2011, Chris recounted an experience where he got yelled at by a [[jerkop]] for going to the women's restroom and said that, though he felt embarrassed, he would continue using the women's restroom while crossdressing as "there is no goin' back for me".<ref name="Bathroom" />

In June 2011, Chris was shopping at [[Sheetz]] when a man, seeing him in his crossdressing attire, asked him if he was gay, to which an upset Chris replied, "No, I AM a Tomgirl."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref>

In a January 2019 tweet, Chris claimed his neighbor "across the street from me shouted angrily at me; blaming me for his child questioning their Gender Identity".<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1088995002221559808</ref>

===Fans===
Chris' transition tends to divide many of the observers to his antics. Many who are in the LGBT community support Chris' transition, whilst those critical of him argue that the transition was just an attempt to get with women, and that his gender identity shouldn't be respected because he isn't actually transgender. There are also those who reject the concept of transgender people in its entirety, believing biological sex to be a characteristic that cannot be altered with any amount of surgery or medical treatments (a viewpoint which this wiki does not endorse or condemn), and thus treating Chris as no different to any other transgender individual in refusing to refer to them by their chosen name or pronouns. Overall, most people who follow Chris and his antics tend to refer to Chris using male pronouns and his pre-transition name, a trend extending to [[CWCki|this very wiki]].

==Effect on the Love Quest==

{{quote|And for nothing more than the experience, you may give me a try in private. Protected and no penetration required. I have an open mind for what you may desire. traditional for the straight women. clit-rubbing and pussy eating for the lesbians. And any way for the bisexual women. Massages, making out, lots of attention and eye contact, and whatever else desired, for all Women regardless of orientation!|Chris, May 2015<ref name=may2015posts>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

{{quote|And one can view the male part like an extended clitoris, regardless of what it actually is. Put a condom on it, and rub the side against a clitoris, not only Really does good for me, but I imagine and empathize stimulating for her as well.|Chris<ref name=may2015posts></ref>}}

Chris's gender dysphoria issues influenced the scope of his [[love quest]]. As Chris is biologically male while identifying as a female, but still heterosexual, he remained attracted only to women. To resolve this, he identified as a lesbian in order to address both his gender identity and sexuality. Chris also tried to leverage his biologically male body in an attempt to appeal to women of other sexual orientations. On various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being "compatible with all women", or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. In practice, Chris actually reduced his female dating pool dramatically – straight women are the majority, and they generally are not attracted to trans women. Chris is essentially limited to lesbian and bisexual women who are open to dating trans women, and that's ignoring actual interpersonal chemistry.

All of Chris's prior problems with establishing a real romantic relationship with anyone pre-transition are still present. [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|His attempt to get to the point and solicit sex]] also fell through, [[Carlos Chantor|much like it did previously]] – mainly because [[Father Call|Chris is perceived as being undesirable as a romantic partner for a multitude of reasons]].

Ultimately, Chris would give up on trying to find a real [[boyfriend-free girl]] and would instead engage in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with several [[imaginary friend]]s after being encouraged to do so by the [[Idea Guys]], although he would later indicate dissatisfaction with not being romantically involved with real people.<ref>[[February 2021 social media posts#Message to the faker and hater trolls]]</ref> This came to a head in [[June 2021]], when he is alleged to have begun [[Affair with Mother|sexual acts against his own mother]]. When the [[Jerkops|authorities]] [[Incest Arrest|took him away]], he was booked into Central Virginia Regional Jail under his [[Jerk|True and Honest Godbear-given gender]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oyoq0h/its_official_chris_has_been_transferred_into_his/</ref>

==Influence from the LGBT community==
[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|Chris in [[2016]]]]
[[File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png|thumb|150px|Chris likes a Lizzy the Lezzy post promoting usage of a vibrating bra.]]

Chris followed a Facebook account named Lizzy the Lezzy. In September 2015, he liked a post linking to a clickbait article about a vibrating bra with the claim it could increase breast size in a week.<ref>[[:File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png]]</ref> A few months later, Chris made his own vibrating bra contraption.<ref>[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs]]</ref>

He also followed LGBT News. In May 2017, he commented on a post from them which linked to a theoretical article about a possible surgery for trans-women to become pregnant.<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref>

{{quote|Ah-Ha! I Knew it! I can eventually be a mother! :)}}

Chris also followed outspoken members of the trans community on Twitter and sometimes agrees with their statements.

One such example is when LifeofBria claimed that trans women have periods:

{{quoteboxgreen|Nobody teaches trans girls about our periods. We just get these weird times where we're moody and crampy and sad and we don't know why and just chalk it up to another reason we're not good enough in life. So, just so you all know: Trans. Girls. Get. Periods.}}

Chris answered:

{{quote|Yes we do. Even the possible hot flashes are no fun either. I’m feeling some of my period today. At least they pass and we can feel better when they do. 😊<ref>https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1016786884192808962</ref>}}

==Deadname==
{{quote|I'm neutral about people calling me "Chris" or "Christine" but I would like if you Good People would respect my chosen name.|Chris's paradoxical thoughts on the matter.<ref name=deadname></ref>}}

{{quote|<nowiki>***Christine***</nowiki> you FUCKING INTERNET DOUCHEWHORE!|Chris<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Meltdown on Twitter]]</ref>}}

During his transition, Chris has occasionally become annoyed at people for referring to him as Chris instead of Christine, despite the fact that [[wikipedia:Chris|Chris]] (as a short form name) is unisex.<ref name=deadname>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Short on Cash]]</ref> He doesn't have an issue with "Chris Chan", seeing that "Chris Chan Sonichu" is his [[Twitter]] name.

==Pronouns==
Chris tends to use the preferred pronouns of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

The sole exception occurred under troll manipulation, in which he flip-flopped between referring to the troll transwoman character [[Jeff Ouzuo]] with female and male pronouns.

==Terminology==
While exploring his gender identity, he navigated a linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl'', leading to some confusion as he adapted and experimented. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> Chris also used the term ''tranny'' to describe himself prior to actually committing to being transgender, which is a can of worms due to its association as a derogatory term against trans people.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Apparently unbeknownst to Chris, intersex is a chromosomal condition causing ambiguous genitalia and can present in many forms, none of which appear to be true of Chris. Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic1193.jpg|200px|thumb|ELECTRIC SEX CHANGE POWER! PEW!]]

Before exploring transgenderism, Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community.

In [[Sonichu 11]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan]] learns of his future self's identity and reflects on it, reasoning that he is not fond of partaking in "brutish things" following his meaningless destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building and subsequent murdering of several inhabitants, his battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in which he permanently paralyzes her with lighting-based weaponry, and his then-retconned execution of the [[Asperpedia Four]]. Chris then magically starts transforming into a voluptuous woman, a sequence inspired by artist Miss Mako and her collection of genderbending videos. To him, transitioning is a technique that simply requires an epiphany and [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] powers to immediately turn into a full-fledged woman.

Chris drew his avatar - [[Chris Chan Sonichu]]/[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] - with the traits he's always desired since becoming a tomgirl, such as eyelashes, bigger breasts and wider hips, revealing very much of what kind of results Chris wishes to get from his transition. Chris Chan Sonichu and Comic Chris are become canonically transgender - becoming a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” who became pregnant with twins via self-insemination with a turkey baster containing his own semen.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> Miscellaneous design changes for the transgender Chris Chan Sonichu include the trademark female Pikachu tail; and the color of his shoes change from black and white to turquoise and lime green.

[[Robbie Sonichu]] has a storyline in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] about his gender transition which closely mirrors Chris's own, from identifying as male, to tomgirl, to lesbian transwoman.

''Sonichu'' #12 features a short autobiographical narrative of Chris's gender transition at the conclusion of Episode 26.

{{Wise|[[Rosechu]] is a MTF transwoman.<ref name=ig></ref> Chris was initially shocked over thinking he was wrong about Rosechu and was hesitant to make the change<ref>[[December 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref> but later accepted it in full and physically altered [[Sonichu 15]]'s pages to reflect Rosechu's trans identity.}}

==The Sonichu bodyswap==
{{SonichuPossession}}
{{quote|And you all know one thing that is also bugging me right now?

Some time recently, Chris felt like prettying my body’s bit for her own identity. I could not pull off wearing a white jacket on my body while I was in it. But the whopper; she put mascara on my face; extending my short eyelashes. It really bothered me.|<ref name=splitpersonality>[[The Place chats (January 2021)#Depression Over Reality]]</ref>}}

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris puts mascara on Sonichu.]]

As a spin-off of his [[Dimensional Merge]] [[coping]] mechanism, Chris has claimed that he has [[Spirit possession|swapped bodies]] with [[imaginary friend]] [[Sonichu]], allowing Chris's spirit to manage affairs in dimension [[C-197]]. This has resulted in psychological conflict between Chris's escapism and his gender dysphoria issues, as the imaginary friend Sonichu identifies as a male while Chris identifies as a female. In chat with [[The Place]] from 17 January 2021,<ref name=splitpersonality></ref> as well as on Twitter the following day,<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#Bodyswap announcement]]</ref> "Sonichu"-in-Chris's-body complained about Chris-in-Sonichu's-body putting mascara on.

{{clear}}

==Transition Timeline Gallery==
{{see also|Tomgirl Pictures}}

<center><gallery>
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring proto-Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, wearing earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:Oj57ACG.jpg|With double-decker eyebrows.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|Holding his box of menstrual pads.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 2.jpeg
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Chris with a mullet in March 2013.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender" in 2014.
File:Chris may 2015.jpg|Chris in May 2015
File:ChrisTwitterProfileFeb2019.jpg|Photo from February 2019
</gallery></center>

== Fan art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Tomboygirl.jpg|thumb|Chris's dream.
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg|[[It's not that cold|GOODBYE HORSES.]]
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png|Fan art that was actually made canon years later.
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
File:Whatcouldbe.jpg
File:ChantomimeDame.png|[[TRUE and HONEST]] picture from Chris's brief stint in British theatre
File:Chris's_True_Lego_Form.png|A true and honest minifigure.
File:ChrisBill.jpg|There are probably more, but here are the major ones.
File:Frickinlove1.jpg|Tomgirl Chris and SammyClassicSonicFan: the one true pairing.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sexuality}}
{{Health}}
[[Category:Gender dysphoria]]

Transgender

2024-06-10T11:12:54Z

Sorades:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Misinfo|It is often stated that Chris admitted to adopting a transgender identity solely so that he could hook up with lesbians. While this claim is not outside the realm of possibility, no direct confession from Chris has ever been shared or leaked.}}

{{protip|While Chris did legally change his name and gender, the CWCki continues to refer to him only by his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|true, original gender]] and [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|GodBear-given name]], to keep consistent with [[Sagas#Classic Chris Era (27 October 2007 to 20 March 2010)|classical]] records. More details can be found on [[Christian Weston Chandler#Overview|Chris's dedicated page]].}}

{{quote|I would rather suffer a [[Self-inflicted taint wound|painful gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|Chris's written testimony in ''[[Sonichu 9]]'', 2008. As of 2024, Chris has not undergone sexual reassignment surgery even after identifying as trans.}}

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am woman! Roar!]]|Chris in ''[[Sonichu 11]]'', 2017, borrowing a catchphrase from [[Rosechu]].}}

{{quote|[[Messiah complex|We Gods]] had eased up on the views of [[Chris and English|"Adultry"]]; WHY Else do you all have Pro-Gay, and Pro-Lesbian, Pro-Trans, and all Today and the past Decades?|Chris likening the LGBT community to adulterers in [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a letter from jail]].}}

[[File:Chris autographed poster listing.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in [[2018]], two years after beginning HRT, holding a photo of himself taken a decade prior.]]

A person is '''transgender''' (or '''trans''') if their gender identity doesn't match their biological sex.<ref>https://www.dictionary.com/browse/transgender</ref> Over 1.6 million U.S. adults are openly trans,<ref>https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/04/02/percentage-us-population-transgender-statistics/</ref> and [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] is perhaps the most famous trans person to live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia. In [[2011]], when Chris was 29 years old, he began exploring male-to-female gender transitioning. Starting with cross-dressing, he would gradually try DIY methods to undergo physical transitioning, which were [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|pointless at best]] and [[Self-inflicted taint wound|dangerous at worst]]. In [[2016]], he began using legitimate means, such as seeing a professional specializing in gender issues and going on prescription hormone therapy later that year. In spite of his best efforts, however, Chris's post-transition appearance remains quite similar to his pre-transition appearance, only he grew his [[hair]] out and had some of his fat distribution rearranged through HRT. Chris has not undergone a MTF surgery however. Nonetheless, [[Chris and reality|he believes]] that he [[Chris and his ego|looks like a supermodel]].

Chris's identity gradually shifted over the course of his transitioning. He began as a transvestite – a male who cross-dresses yet still identifies as a man – or as Chris called it, "'''tomgirl'''". (Outside of [[CWC-isms|Chris's lexicon]], "femboy" and "femme" are commonly used to describe this kind of sexual identity in recent years, although Chris himself would not apply after becoming transgender. Nonetheless, Chris actually has used the term "femme" on his [[Facebook]] profile.) In [[2014]], he came out as a "lesbian-identified male". By the end of that year, he began identifying as a woman, calling himself a "transwoman". In [[2015]], he started going by "Christine", making the [[name change]] official the following year,<ref name=christinenamechange>[[:File:Court Record - 2016 Name Change from Christian to Christine (Chris, CL16000067-00).png]]</ref> as well as changing the gender marker on his driver's license to female. Overall, Chris has seemed to be more at peace with himself being "out" instead of suppressing his gay/trans thoughts, if not outright happier, in spite of his depressing lot in life and poor living conditions.

Chris's transition has been the subject of intense debate; views by external commentators on social media sites range from fully accepting of Chris's gender and sexuality, to scathingly critical, arguing that Chris is 'only pretending' to be trans to get romantic attention from heterosexual women, or is 'making the transgender community look bad', which isn't surprising given that Chris has mostly been rejected by most communities that he tries to join.

Chris' transition could also be a coping mechanism. Chris is attracted to something he could never understand([[Women]]), associating masculinity with the boys who bullied him. It is possible that as a result of never growing up and lack of success in his [[Love Quest]], he desperately latched on to this feminine persona.

Unsurprisingly, there are also debates on which pronouns to use when describing Chris, including from transgender observers themselves, who view the aforementioned arguments as gatekeeping, while a number of people in the LGBT community want nothing to do with Chris and would prefer he not be lumped in with them, especially in light of [[Affair with Mother|more recent events]]. Not helping matters is that Chris has utilized homophobic and transphobic language [[Chris and hypocrisy|whenever it suits him]], even after [[SLGBTQ|identifying as LGBT]]. Chris has also attempted to use his identity as a lesbian transwoman as an argument that [[List of places that have banned Chris|the people who have banned him from public places]] are being discriminatory against him and ''all'' lesbians and transwomen, much like he has done in the past with his [[Autism]], rather than as [[Kick the Autistic|often justified retribution for his bad behavior]].

==Signs of gender dysphoria==
[[File:S11-43.jpg|thumb|Chris describes his 2014 switchover in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]]]
'''Gender dysphoria''' is a feeling of conflict between a person's assigned biological sex and the gender that person identifies as, typically brought on by aspects of one's assigned gender. The trans community generally divides dysphoria into '''physical dysphoria''' (for aspects like hormones, genitals, or body characteristics) and '''social dysphoria''' (for aspects like names, pronouns, gender roles, makeup and clothing).

Symptoms in adults last at least six months and can include a belief of experiencing feelings socially associated with the desired gender, as well as wanting to be rid of the primary sex characteristics of the birth gender, have instead the sex characteristics associated with the desired gender, and be treated socially as the desired gender.<ref>https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria</ref>

Chris has exhibited signs of '''late-onset gender dysphoria''', a term describing those who begin to experience gender dysphoria in adulthood.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/gender-dysphoria</ref>

[[File:Da homos.jpg|thumb|left|Chris choosing between being transgender and being gay, in a 2009 panel from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Note his personal signature below that statement. (Ironically enough, Chris would eventually identify as [[Bisexual]], but would not undergo a gender reassignment surgery.)]]

===Early signs===
While Chris's experience is more reflective of late-onset gender dysphoria, instead of the idea that Chris was always trans but somehow kept that detail hidden from [[Trolls|prying eyes]], there have been some signs that can be interpreted as Chris having thoughts of moving away from being cisgendered. Chris's exploration of a female form of himself showed early with his desire to have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. He also added a twin [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] (also named Crystal) to the comic who strongly resembles a gender-swapped Chris. The reason behind the name:

{{quotebox|“Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>}}

In 2008, years before Chris began to crossdress, he made a remark that he felt some mild discomfort from looking at [[Duck|his own penis]].

{{quotebox|It's bad enough that I sometimes see my own when I look down (of which I don't feel as much discomfort), but the very sight of others is like kryptonite to me.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref>}}

He also has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> In 2008, he posted:

{{quotebox|I feel that I am truly in touch with my feminine side, to the point where I am capable of learning from that to better understand how to treat women in a caring, nuturing, positive way; I've also learned from Red Skelton of how to be a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder between my caring attitude and the lack of a Sweetheart if I was born the wrong gender; I would wonder what life would have been like if I had actually been born a girl.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]></ref>}}

===The Butterfly Effect===
The catalyst for Chris exploring crossdressing happened around 2011. There is some dispute as to the events that unfolded. According to [[User:Champthom|Champthom]]:<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Talk:Tomgirl_Pictures#Just_a_clarification</ref>

{{quoteboxorange|Someone said to Chris "You should get in touch with your feminine side!" and he ran wild with it.}}

However, when a fan asked [[Emily]] if she was the one to make that comment, she gave a different perspective:

{{quoteboxgreen|I've jokingly told him that before back when he was a dang dirty male and he would get pissed at me for it. What really kicked off the tomgirl and eventual tranny shit was some rando who was talking to Chris and suggested being a tomgirl since being a guy was too hard for him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (LoveYouLongTime)#Tomgirl]]</ref>}}

[[Surfshack Tito]] provided a similiar explanation:

{{quoteboxred|Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.}}

Both of those accounts are consistent with Gender Dysphoria's symptoms of wanting another gender's characteristics and feeling incompatible with a birth gender's social roles. Later that year, Chris also mentioned that in public places, he felt more comfort using the opposite sex's restroom rather than one matching his gender at birth, which is a common rite of passage for transgender people (even though Chris did not identify as transgender at this time).<ref name="Bathroom">[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]]</ref>

[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|thumb|200px|The dildo harness Chris used for tucking.]]
Over the next several years, Chris's feelings on his sex characteristics morphed into a loathing of his penis. In 2014, he took to forcing it to stay tucked with a makeshift harness.

{{quotebox|Males Offend Me, even my own Penis Totally Grosses Me Out! I am glad that I tuck it underneath my taint, so I do not have to look down at the Ugly Bulge!<ref>[[Un-clit]]</ref>}}

In 2016, Chris attempted a DIY gender transition using [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]. He was particularly drawn to tracks which claimed to convert a penis to a vagina.

{{quotebox|I would feel better knowing if the ovum do get created and further produced after the testies to ovaries transformation. ''[...]'' Ugh, we may not know for as late as six months after someone else uses the frequency set, gets herself examined, and confirms it.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>}}

Chris's dysphoria and impatience over the Subliminal Frequencies resulted in the [[self-inflicted taint wound]], an episode wherein he cut open his taint with a knife in an attempt to free his vagina.

In 2016, Chris saw a psychologist specializing in gender identity issues. The psychologist confirmed to him that he is transgender.<ref name=psychologist>Chris changed the gender marker on his driver's license to identify him as female in 2016. The procedure to do this in Virginia is to have a professional whose "practice includes the treatment and counseling of persons with gender identity issues" vouch for the person's gender identity on [https://web.archive.org/web/20161223001047/https://www.dmv.virginia.gov/webdoc/pdf/dl17.pdf this form]. Also mentioned by Chris in [[:File:SchuComic12-1P69.jpg|a ''Sonichu'' #12 page]]</ref>

[[File:Fetusbabe's cwc cosplay.jpg|thumb|left|How Chris views himself after becoming a Tomgirl.]]

===Miscellaneous signs===
Gender dysphoria explains a lot of Chris's past behavior; an example being Chris's insecurity in failing to live up to cultural perceptions of masculinity. His tendency to exaggerate or overcompensate for his fragile masculinity could be caused by subconsciously knowing that his intellectual gender does not match his biological sex. The way Chris interacted during the [[Kacey calls]] is another piece of evidence; normally, guys subconsciously lower the pitch of their voices to seem attractive to women, but when Chris was trying to woo Kacey, his voice drifted higher than hers. Additionally, Chris is known for his pathological hatred of change, unless the change is beneficial or positive for him. To assume Chris "became" trans purely for the quest for [[china]] is fairly extreme, as suddenly identifying by another gender identity is generally a life-changing event for anybody, and Chris has shown that he is incapable of substantially changing himself even with the [[Kacey|promise of a relationship]] laid in front of him.

===Autism and trans identity===
There is a correlation between [[autism]] and trans identity, though the exact reason for this correlation is still up for debate. According to a Dutch study, 7.8% of trans people are on the spectrum.<ref>https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/11/the-link-between-autism-and-trans-identity/507509/</ref> There are a number of similarities between the two disorders. Autistic people have a harder time picking up on social norms, including gender norms. Therefore, autistic people tend to have "androgynous" mental qualities and interests, and those people could perceive their brain difference as simply having the brain of the opposite gender. Both autistic and trans males tend to have mostly [[gal-pal]]s, because men tend to be rowdy and more explicitly judgmental. However, they may miss the socially complex and subtle elements of female socialization, and the actual women end up treating them with kid gloves.

The androgyny of autistic people has caught the interest of brain experts. MRI studies reveal that autistic men have "mosaic minds", which aren't just androgynous, but are extremely male in some aspects and extremely female in others. The autistic brain parts responsible for general thoughts are more masculine than the average man, with less connectivity and more localization. Autistic men excel at [[heart level|systemizing]] and struggle with [[Kindness|empathizing]], an exaggeration of the male profile. However, the parts of the brain responsible for sensation, perception and motion are more feminized.<ref>https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brains-men-autism-female-patterns/</ref> Like women, autistics have a high pain tolerance and a low pain threshold – observable in Chris. However, gender differences in the brain are only averages, and saying a man with feminine brain traits has a "female brain" is like saying a short man has a "female skeleton". Also, the gendering of autism is highly controversial, with many pointing out that the condition is a spectrum.

Kenneth Zucker, a controversial gender expert, found that gender dysphoria manifests as an obsession, and that autistic people may think they're trans if they fixate on the issue of gender.<ref>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613451/</ref>

It's also possible that Chris is genuinely transgender, but his transgender signs were "scrambled" through autism. This could be why he adapted nonstandard language for so long, and why he had to "ease into" his trans identity instead of coming out outright. For example, he identified as a tomgirl for years before his transgender identity came to the forefront, and he speaks of a "female soul" more than a "female brain."

==The transition==
===Tomgirl===
[[File:TG11.jpg|thumb|[[It's not that cold|"Would you fuck me,]] [[/cow/|789chan?]] [[Chris and his ego|I'd fuck me."]]]]

{{Quote|Yes, I am a Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be [[Homos|a full-blown you-know-what]]. ''[...]'' I have been more self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts, and I am greeting women left and right.|Chris<ref name=Jackie24>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Also, here is another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie.|Chris, Jackie email, May 6 2011<ref name=Jackie24></ref>}}

According to an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]] on 26 [[March 2011]], Chris started cross-dressing at the beginning of that month.<ref name="Jackie24"></ref> On 30 March 2011, Chris changed his [[PSN]] quote to the [[CWC-ism]] "I am Tomgirl".

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px|PSN quote]]

On 29 April, the [[Tomgirl Pictures]] were released by Surfshack Tito. In them, Chris is dressed in woman's clothing, posing in what he believes are seductive positions. For some reason, Chris removed the Tomgirl PSN quote immediately after PSN came back online after a month of inactivity on 14 May, possibly due to receiving attention from [[trolls]].

On 16 August 2011, Chris recorded [[Kaka Makeup Basics]], a makeup tutorial video, reinforcing his tomgirl identity.

To show his support to all tomgirls and tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]], consisting of a tomgirl, [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] (formerly Robbie, now Roberta), and tomboys [[Cera]] and [[Christine]].

Still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

===Lesbian-identified male===
On 14 August [[2014]], Chris revealed via [[Facebook]] that he was a self-described "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser", posting shortly afterward to be a lesbian in a male body<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref>. He also proclaimed that he is a supporter of "LBT" rights, which seems to have neatly coincided with the advent of his professed status as a transgender person. His omission of the "G" (Gay) was attacked by [[Kim Wilson|Kim]], in the face of which Chris admitted that the "G.M.s" were "fortunate" to be "on the boat", suggesting that he hadn't yet changed his views on [[Homos|gay men]].

In [[July 2014]], Chris had a vision, while meditating, about being a lesbian in a past life.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref> He took it as a sign affirming his gender identify. Years later, in a 2019 interview, he said:

{{quotebox|I had, exhibited but not totally realized my uh, feminine habits and traits and then it became more apparent to me that I was definitely soulfully a woman, due to the vision I had where I saw myself in a past lifetime by the tree at Woodstock and I was a woman then so yep, I'm soulfully a woman, so, so it's a good thing to go on from there and I never regretted it.<ref>[[Jackson Dalton]]</ref>}}

In September 2014, a fan inquired on his preferred gender and pronouns. Chris replied that he was very comfortable being referred to by either pronoun, adding that he would be flattered at being mistaken as a woman. He added that he did not currently have plans to change his name.<ref>[[Misc texts#Name change question]]</ref>

He began going to the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in fall 2014.

===Lesbian transwoman===
{{quote|I am a (Female Soul) Transwoman (no operation yet), And a Lesbian.|Chris, January 2015<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#Baby, Chris Was Born This Way]]</ref>}}

[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris(tine)'s new driver's license and "woman card". His signature is surprisingly neat considering the [[Chris and art|quality of his art]]. Also, the woman card probably looks great next to his [[autism]] card.]]

In Spring 2015, Chris changed his mind on his pronoun and name and referred to himself as Christine (apparently ignorant that Christian was originally a female name), a "Lesbian TransWoman", using female pronouns.<ref>[[Facebook#Contact and Basic Info]]</ref>

In May 2015, Chris turned his fursona, [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], into a lesbian transwoman. He also wrote about a fantasy in which Chris-chan Sonichu impregnates himself with his own semen to produce two children.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref>

After being rejected as a sperm donor the previous year, Chris tried his own DIY method to preserve his sperm for the possibility of gender surgery. [[Chris's Specimen Sample]] is a video of him showing off his collection of semen in Tupperware containers in his [[kitchen]] freezer, and dates on the containers indicate he was doing this for at least nine months, though this was futile as the sperm was destroyed by placing it in a home freezer.

In [[May 2016]], he successfully filed for a [[name change]] to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref name=christinenamechange></ref> Later, with the help of his gender psychologist, he also filed paperwork with the DMV for a new driver's license identifying him as female, which was granted.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

Chris was unaware that he also had the option to update his birth certificate; upon finding out, he decided not to, stating:

{{quotebox|I had no idea one can update their birth certificate too. For me though, I’d leave mine the way it is, because I am not going to deny my own history and past. I was born male, and dubbed “Christopher”, but I realized I was female the whole time and changed my name to “Christine” soon enough. And to have those on my drivers license is good enough for me.<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/1034472015942565888</ref>}}

The [[self-inflicted taint wound]], Chris's attempt to free his imaginary vagina, happened in summer 2016. In fall, Chris began taking HRT.<ref name=hormonetherapy></ref>

He attended LGBT events such as [[Cville Pride]], [[Love is Love]] and [[UVA Remembers Pulse]], and considered himself to be a member of the [[SLGBTQ]] community.

===Bisexual transwoman===
{{main|Bisexual}}

In early 2018, Chris suddenly announced that he identified as [[bisexual]] rather than lesbian - the result of [[brainwashing]] from the [[Idea Guys]] to make Chris think he was in relationships with fictional male characters.

==Interest in sexual reassignment surgery==
In the years before he formally identified as transgender, Chris had given some thought to sex reassignment surgeries. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref>

Chris's thoughts on the procedure shifted over time. In his pre- and early-transgender state, his opinion was essentially that MTF transwomen should not undertake the surgery as it would not grant them functional female reproductive organs.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> Later, as his gender identity changed, he became more open to the idea, but wanted to hold off until either [[Crystal]] was conceived or his sperm could be preserved.

{{quote|If [my child was a] Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, mid-2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally, he must first impregnate someone (he can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent.")<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> Second, his belief that his penis could still be useful for relationship purposes - wanting to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina."<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

During 2014, Chris stated that he was contemplating sexual reassignment surgery.

{{quote|I Hate Being Born A Male, and after I have my children, I am getting an Organ Sex Change Operation!|Chris, hoping to impregnate someone who will give him a baby boy and a baby girl.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>}}

He tried to fulfill the prophecy of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]'s birth by using a sperm bank, however, the bank rejected him.<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Need my daughter]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

In 2020, when Chris was asked about if he would be getting a sexual reassignment surgery, he answered with the following:

{{quote|Yes, and [[Chris and reality|this body is going to become fully, genuinely transformed and birth-able]].|Chris<ref>[[Discord Q&A 7]]</ref>}}

Chris, presumably realizing that his [[semen]] would no longer be potent enough to conceive a child due to hormone replacement therapy that he was utilizing, now seems to think that he's got another way to make Crystal and [[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]] real. It goes without saying that Male-To-Female transgender people cannot conceive children due to the way that a natural male body is structured, and even though research on the possibility of transplanting a uterus into an MTF body is being done, it would likely be way too expensive for Chris to try, [[Chris and health|presuming that he'd even be healthy enough or physically capable of bearing children]] by the time that such a medical breakthrough could be realized. How Chris plans to get the money to get a sex change or a hypothetical uterine transplantation amidst the [[Financhu Crisis]] remains unclear; it's entirely possible that Chris believes that some part of the [[Dimensional Merge]] will allow him to fully become a woman and allow him to fulfill his fantasy of becoming a parent.

Not that Chris could afford sex reassignment anyway, as it costs thousands of dollars, while Chris [[Financhu Crisis|struggles to pay his basic bills]] and [[Chris and money|spends what little he does save on frivolities]] like trips to [[BronyCon]]. It's even more impossible now that he's been incarcerated.

==List of Chris's MTF transition methods==
[[File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|thumb|250px|Chris's menstrual pads]]

Chris has made several attempts to transition into a true and honest woman. Unfortunately for him, he has a strong belief in junk science and miracle cures. As a result, his initial favored methods produced no benefits or were harmful to his health.

In 2016, he saw a psychologist over his gender transition.<ref name=psychologist></ref>

*[[Hair|Growing out his hair]]
*[[Chris and fashion|Changing his clothing]]
*[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Shaved eyebrows|Shaving his eyebrows]]
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS#Menstrual pads|Using menstrual pads]]
*[[Un-clit|Piercing his taint and letting it get inflamed]]
*[[September_2015_Facebook_Posts#Spoiler_Alert:_It.27s_a_Fake_Vagina|Requesting his fans to fund a prosthetic vagina]]
*[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs|Wearing a vibrating bra]]
*[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Taking Oestrogel without physician approval]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]
*[[My Breast Massage Routine 18+|Breast massaging]]
*[[Self-inflicted taint wound#Self-inflicted?|Cutting open his taint with a knife]]
*[[Chris and health#Hormone_treatment|Female hormone vitamins]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT|Going on actual hormone replacement therapy]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid|Eating prunes and putting soy sauce on everything]]

===Voice training===
[[File:TransTimeline.png|thumb|left|350px|Chris's self-posted transition timeline from 2009 to 2019, when Chris was on feminizing hormone therapy for 3 years. Aside from having longer [[hair]] and the fat distribution shifting around the facial area due to using HRT ([[Obesity|and getting progressively fatter over the years]]), Chris's appearance is largely the same post-transition [[Chris and health#Hygiene|due to poor hygiene]] and likely misapplying the transition-related materials that had been prescribed to him.]]Chris has been making an effort to feminize his voice, but instead of pulling off a convincing femme voice like some other trans women, he talks with a Mickey Mouse falsetto. The falsetto often drops down to his old voice at some point in a given video, sometimes as soon as he introduces himself. He has also ditched his monotone speech pattern for an extreme sing-song tone, especially when he adds bits of [[random-access humor]]. In [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|Q&A NO MORE]], he continued to affect a feminine voice when he was yelling, resulting in a cartoonish witch-like scream.

Ironically, Chris's pre-transition voice was already naturally high, around the same fundamental pitch as [[Chris and reality#Psychological problems|a child]]. Instead of going even higher in pitch, he could have worked on feminizing his resonance (the "buzz" of a male voice) and inflections with daily practice, possibly with the help of a voice trainer. But alas, that takes [[Stress|effort]].

===Hormone therapy===
{{see also|Chris and health#Gender transitioning}}

At first, between 2015 through fall 2016, Chris attempted using [[Oestrogel]] as a DIY hormone therapy method. Since Oestrogel is a hormone replacement gel meant for menopausal women, and Chris's self-regimen consisted of slathering entirely too much of the medication on himself, any effects were questionable and a potential health risk.

Chris eventually went on a prescribed HRT treatment consisting of estradiol and spironolactone<ref>[[Sachumo Interview]]</ref> around the fall of 2016.<ref name=hormonetherapy>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref> The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] explained:

{{quoteboxgreen|Basically if you say the right things to a therapist for a few months, they'll write you a recommendation for HRT and send you to an endocrinologist. Chris was referred to one at UVA. They gave him a script and made him sign away liability (the "informed consent" part).<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#HRT]]</ref>}}

Chris also mentioned taking hormones to [[Idea Guy]]:

{{quoteboxred|I can say that Chris knows the fact that he shortened his lifespan taking those hormones. In fact, I wouldn’t say he’s suicidal, so much as he’s fine with the idea he could die sooner. I dunno if it counts as his view of reality, but Chris thinks he might be able to have a baby once the transition is complete (I have nothing to do with that. Chris said it’s a possibility he could get pregnant).<ref name=ig>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>}}

Chris's health insurance, the taxpayer-funded Medicare program, covers HRT.<ref>https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare</ref>

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris still took HRT, shown by a medical receipt from [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]].<ref>[[Jail Art (reverse side)#Goddess At Work]]</ref>

==Reactions==
Being a rural southerner, Chris comes from a conservative region and background. His parents are conservative, and anti-LGBT sentiment is strong outside college and LGBT circles. In addition, forums documenting Chris (from [[4chan]] to [[Kiwi Farms]]) tend to be "politically incorrect" and tell things "like it is". As you'd might expect, reactions to Chris's transition are overwhelmingly negative. While the trans community was comparatively more welcoming to Chris than other groups, a number of trans activists distanced themselves from Chris following the incest incident, while others found it reprehensible but felt an obligation to respect his preferred pronouns.

===Parents===
[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|thumb|250px|A panel from [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] of an autobiographical narrative of Chris coming out as a tomgirl to his parents.]]

Chris's parents were not happy when he began crossdressing. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] "threw the damned 'fag' card" at Chris.<ref name=ComingOut>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents]]</ref> [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] made negative remarks, such as "I didn't raise a daughter",<ref name=ComingOut></ref> "do not wear eye shadow", "you look like [[Stephanie Bustcakes|a prostitute]]", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker", "you're turning into a [[homos|gay]]", "[[Un-clit|what are you piercing next?]]" and "what's next, you [[I Love You, Catherine|wearing a skirt]] and high heels?".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>

Barbara also tried to pay Chris to stop wearing panties and go back to wearing briefs – however, Chris refused.<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers]]</ref>

During [[May 2011]], an angry Barbara chopped Chris's hair short in a failed attempt to stop his crossdressing, prompting Chris to call her a bitch:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

{{quotebox|My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer; murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much. And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can not be seen in public with this short-hair mess. }}

Chris then remarked, "I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us."

Before Bob passed away in the fall of 2011, he told Chris he accepted and loved him for who he is.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref>

Over the next few years, Barbara remained opposed to Chris's crossdressing. Chris stated in 2014: "I would cross dress more often if my mother was not against me doing it (panties and bra included, but wear them anyway)."<ref>According to Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile</ref> However, Barbara's resistance gradually diminished and Chris resumed openly crossdressing. When Chris legally changed his name to Christine in 2016, he did so behind Barb's back, though she later found out and was livid with him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (MasterDisaster)#Name Change Drama]]</ref>

Chris's gender identity may be the only significant thing in which he has successfully resisted the will of his parents.

===Locals===
In May 2011, Chris recounted an experience where he got yelled at by a [[jerkop]] for going to the women's restroom and said that, though he felt embarrassed, he would continue using the women's restroom while crossdressing as "there is no goin' back for me".<ref name="Bathroom" />

In June 2011, Chris was shopping at [[Sheetz]] when a man, seeing him in his crossdressing attire, asked him if he was gay, to which an upset Chris replied, "No, I AM a Tomgirl."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref>

In a January 2019 tweet, Chris claimed his neighbor "across the street from me shouted angrily at me; blaming me for his child questioning their Gender Identity".<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1088995002221559808</ref>

===Fans===
Chris' transition tends to divide many of the observers to his antics. Many who are in the LGBT community support Chris' transition, whilst those critical of him argue that the transition was just an attempt to get with women, and that his gender identity shouldn't be respected because he isn't actually transgender. There are also those who reject the concept of transgender people in its entirety, believing biological sex to be a characteristic that cannot be altered with any amount of surgery or medical treatments (a viewpoint which this wiki does not endorse or condemn), and thus treating Chris as no different to any other transgender individual in refusing to refer to them by their chosen name or pronouns. Overall, most people who follow Chris and his antics tend to refer to Chris using male pronouns and his pre-transition name, a trend extending to [[CWCki|this very wiki]].

==Effect on the Love Quest==

{{quote|And for nothing more than the experience, you may give me a try in private. Protected and no penetration required. I have an open mind for what you may desire. traditional for the straight women. clit-rubbing and pussy eating for the lesbians. And any way for the bisexual women. Massages, making out, lots of attention and eye contact, and whatever else desired, for all Women regardless of orientation!|Chris, May 2015<ref name=may2015posts>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

{{quote|And one can view the male part like an extended clitoris, regardless of what it actually is. Put a condom on it, and rub the side against a clitoris, not only Really does good for me, but I imagine and empathize stimulating for her as well.|Chris<ref name=may2015posts></ref>}}

Chris's gender dysphoria issues influenced the scope of his [[love quest]]. As Chris is biologically male while identifying as a female, but still heterosexual, he remained attracted only to women. To resolve this, he identified as a lesbian in order to address both his gender identity and sexuality. Chris also tried to leverage his biologically male body in an attempt to appeal to women of other sexual orientations. On various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being "compatible with all women", or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. In practice, Chris actually reduced his female dating pool dramatically – straight women are the majority, and they generally are not attracted to trans women. Chris is essentially limited to lesbian and bisexual women who are open to dating trans women, and that's ignoring actual interpersonal chemistry.

All of Chris's prior problems with establishing a real romantic relationship with anyone pre-transition are still present. [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|His attempt to get to the point and solicit sex]] also fell through, [[Carlos Chantor|much like it did previously]] – mainly because [[Father Call|Chris is perceived as being undesirable as a romantic partner for a multitude of reasons]].

Ultimately, Chris would give up on trying to find a real [[boyfriend-free girl]] and would instead engage in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with several [[imaginary friend]]s after being encouraged to do so by the [[Idea Guys]], although he would later indicate dissatisfaction with not being romantically involved with real people.<ref>[[February 2021 social media posts#Message to the faker and hater trolls]]</ref> This came to a head in [[June 2021]], when he is alleged to have begun [[Affair with Mother|sexual acts against his own mother]]. When the [[Jerkops|authorities]] [[Incest Arrest|took him away]], he was booked into Central Virginia Regional Jail under his [[Jerk|True and Honest Godbear-given gender]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oyoq0h/its_official_chris_has_been_transferred_into_his/</ref>

==Influence from the LGBT community==
[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|Chris in [[2016]]]]
[[File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png|thumb|150px|Chris likes a Lizzy the Lezzy post promoting usage of a vibrating bra.]]

Chris followed a Facebook account named Lizzy the Lezzy. In September 2015, he liked a post linking to a clickbait article about a vibrating bra with the claim it could increase breast size in a week.<ref>[[:File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png]]</ref> A few months later, Chris made his own vibrating bra contraption.<ref>[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs]]</ref>

He also followed LGBT News. In May 2017, he commented on a post from them which linked to a theoretical article about a possible surgery for trans-women to become pregnant.<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref>

{{quote|Ah-Ha! I Knew it! I can eventually be a mother! :)}}

Chris also followed outspoken members of the trans community on Twitter and sometimes agrees with their statements.

One such example is when LifeofBria claimed that trans women have periods:

{{quoteboxgreen|Nobody teaches trans girls about our periods. We just get these weird times where we're moody and crampy and sad and we don't know why and just chalk it up to another reason we're not good enough in life. So, just so you all know: Trans. Girls. Get. Periods.}}

Chris answered:

{{quote|Yes we do. Even the possible hot flashes are no fun either. I’m feeling some of my period today. At least they pass and we can feel better when they do. 😊<ref>https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1016786884192808962</ref>}}

==Deadname==
{{quote|I'm neutral about people calling me "Chris" or "Christine" but I would like if you Good People would respect my chosen name.|Chris's paradoxical thoughts on the matter.<ref name=deadname></ref>}}

{{quote|<nowiki>***Christine***</nowiki> you FUCKING INTERNET DOUCHEWHORE!|Chris<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Meltdown on Twitter]]</ref>}}

During his transition, Chris has occasionally become annoyed at people for referring to him as Chris instead of Christine, despite the fact that [[wikipedia:Chris|Chris]] (as a short form name) is unisex.<ref name=deadname>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Short on Cash]]</ref> He doesn't have an issue with "Chris Chan", seeing that "Chris Chan Sonichu" is his [[Twitter]] name.

==Pronouns==
Chris tends to use the preferred pronouns of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

The sole exception occurred under troll manipulation, in which he flip-flopped between referring to the troll transwoman character [[Jeff Ouzuo]] with female and male pronouns.

==Terminology==
While exploring his gender identity, he navigated a linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl'', leading to some confusion as he adapted and experimented. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> Chris also used the term ''tranny'' to describe himself prior to actually committing to being transgender, which is a can of worms due to its association as a derogatory term against trans people.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Apparently unbeknownst to Chris, intersex is a chromosomal condition causing ambiguous genitalia and can present in many forms, none of which appear to be true of Chris. Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic1193.jpg|200px|thumb|ELECTRIC SEX CHANGE POWER! PEW!]]

Before exploring transgenderism, Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community.

In [[Sonichu 11]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan]] learns of his future self's identity and reflects on it, reasoning that he is not fond of partaking in "brutish things" following his meaningless destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building and subsequent murdering of several inhabitants, his battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in which he permanently paralyzes her with lighting-based weaponry, and his then-retconned execution of the [[Asperpedia Four]]. Chris then magically starts transforming into a voluptuous woman, a sequence inspired by artist Miss Mako and her collection of genderbending videos. To him, transitioning is a technique that simply requires an epiphany and [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] powers to immediately turn into a full-fledged woman.

Chris drew his avatar - [[Chris Chan Sonichu]]/[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] - with the traits he's always desired since becoming a tomgirl, such as eyelashes, bigger breasts and wider hips, revealing very much of what kind of results Chris wishes to get from his transition. Chris Chan Sonichu and Comic Chris are become canonically transgender - becoming a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” who became pregnant with twins via self-insemination with a turkey baster containing his own semen.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> Miscellaneous design changes for the transgender Chris Chan Sonichu include the trademark female Pikachu tail; and the color of his shoes change from black and white to turquoise and lime green.

[[Robbie Sonichu]] has a storyline in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] about his gender transition which closely mirrors Chris's own, from identifying as male, to tomgirl, to lesbian transwoman.

''Sonichu'' #12 features a short autobiographical narrative of Chris's gender transition at the conclusion of Episode 26.

{{Wise|[[Rosechu]] is a MTF transwoman.<ref name=ig></ref> Chris was initially shocked over thinking he was wrong about Rosechu and was hesitant to make the change<ref>[[December 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref> but later accepted it in full and physically altered [[Sonichu 15]]'s pages to reflect Rosechu's trans identity.}}

==The Sonichu bodyswap==
{{SonichuPossession}}
{{quote|And you all know one thing that is also bugging me right now?

Some time recently, Chris felt like prettying my body’s bit for her own identity. I could not pull off wearing a white jacket on my body while I was in it. But the whopper; she put mascara on my face; extending my short eyelashes. It really bothered me.|<ref name=splitpersonality>[[The Place chats (January 2021)#Depression Over Reality]]</ref>}}

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris puts mascara on Sonichu.]]

As a spin-off of his [[Dimensional Merge]] [[coping]] mechanism, Chris has claimed that he has [[Spirit possession|swapped bodies]] with [[imaginary friend]] [[Sonichu]], allowing Chris's spirit to manage affairs in dimension [[C-197]]. This has resulted in psychological conflict between Chris's escapism and his gender dysphoria issues, as the imaginary friend Sonichu identifies as a male while Chris identifies as a female. In chat with [[The Place]] from 17 January 2021,<ref name=splitpersonality></ref> as well as on Twitter the following day,<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#Bodyswap announcement]]</ref> "Sonichu"-in-Chris's-body complained about Chris-in-Sonichu's-body putting mascara on.

{{clear}}

==Transition Timeline Gallery==
{{see also|Tomgirl Pictures}}

<center><gallery>
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring proto-Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, wearing earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:Oj57ACG.jpg|With double-decker eyebrows.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|Holding his box of menstrual pads.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 2.jpeg
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Chris with a mullet in March 2013.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender" in 2014.
File:Chris may 2015.jpg|Chris in May 2015
File:ChrisTwitterProfileFeb2019.jpg|Photo from February 2019
</gallery></center>

== Fan art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Tomboygirl.jpg|thumb|Chris's dream.
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg|[[It's not that cold|GOODBYE HORSES.]]
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png|Fan art that was actually made canon years later.
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
File:Whatcouldbe.jpg
File:ChantomimeDame.png|[[TRUE and HONEST]] picture from Chris's brief stint in British theatre
File:Chris's_True_Lego_Form.png|A true and honest minifigure.
File:ChrisBill.jpg|There are probably more, but here are the major ones.
File:Frickinlove1.jpg|Tomgirl Chris and SammyClassicSonicFan: the one true pairing.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sexuality}}
{{Health}}
[[Category:Gender dysphoria]]

Gal pal

2024-06-10T11:00:17Z

Sorades: /* Tiffany Gowen */

{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father [[Bob]] to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,<ref name=october>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.<ref name=thetangalpals>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Gal Pals]]</ref> A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This unbalanced approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his warped views on [[gender]] and him adopting rather [[tomgirl|effeminate]] traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony]] action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Protip|Do NOT contact or troll any of them.
They have since moved on with their lives and have nothing to gain by reuniting with Chris.}}
Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in a misguided attempt to help Chris socialize.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[Warhol Tweets#Chris larps as his younger self]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Lyn Andes}}
Kellie Lyn Andes is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on Facebook after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Nicole Gowen}}
Tiffany Gowen is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref name=dvd5></ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> Of all the Gal Pals from his High School days, he was obsessed with Tiffany the most, according to one [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|e-mail]] from an unknown Gal Pal. Tiffany, who had a [[JERK|partner]] and least one child by then, was creeped out by this and avoided Chris on purpose after she became aware of his shenanigans. His search ultimately ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based off of real emails from Tiffany herself) telling Chris to leave her alone.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Ingram (née Bevel)''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref name=dvd5>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">[[:File:Facebook - December 2013 - High school gal pals talk about Chris.jpg]]</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#PLEASE UNDO IT!]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

==The illusion shattered==
[[Thetan]], a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref name=october></ref> According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Fake Or Real Gal-Pal Emails?]]</ref>

{{quote|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to [[Marvin]], Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother [[Barbara]] whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Thetan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#High School Gal-Pals]]</ref> According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to [[Catherine|Catie]] in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in [[Kiwi Farms]] postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.<ref name=thetangalpals></ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy. Some of these women are trolls as well, although (unlike the troll gal pals below) they interacted with Chris under their real names.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* The [[Teen Troon Squad]]
* Two of the [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Bob Chandler

2024-06-10T10:33:18Z

Sorades: /* Chris */ linked the word "frustration" to Mumble 1 to reference the moment, where Bob allegedly showed Chris the middle finger in his frustration. Also reworded the last sentence.

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}

{{quote|I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris, reflecting on his life prior to his father's death.<ref name=LoudNoise>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Claiming hospital staff killed Bob]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I don't believe he ever, Mr. C, any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks.|Chris, insulting Bob's memory by claiming that [[Affair with Mother|he was better at fucking]] [[Barbara Chandler|the man's wife]] [[Chris and his ego|than he ever was]].<ref>[[Incest Call]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
| image = Chrischansdad.jpg
|imagesize = 250
|aliases = Bob Bobby Mr. C [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]] [[Cole Smithey#Relationship with Barbara and Bob|Republican cur]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Gallop Crush]] Robertchu<ref>[[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris#Sonichu genealogy for Chris, Bob and Ted Bundy]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|day = 4
|month = 9
|year = 1927
|deathday = 6
|deathmonth = 9
|deathyear = 2011
|gender = Male
|nationality = [[United States|American]]
|race = White [[Count Dankula|Half-Sonichu]]<ref>Planted by [[Idea Guys#Lingering influence|Idea Guy]], mentioned in [[Count Dankula]] interview</ref>
|religion = Protestant (Methodist)
|label8 = Height
|ft = 5
|in = 7.5
|spouse = Patricia Faye Harley (1956–1980, divorce) [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Ann Weston]] (1980–2011, his death)
|children = Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler [[Christian Weston Chandler]] [[Cole Smithey]] (stepson)
|grandchildren = [[Savannah Chandler]]
|father = Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906–1977)
|mother = Jean Hollomon (1906–1945)
|education = [[wikipedia:Auburn_University|Auburn University]] ([[wikipedia:Bachelor of Electrical Engineering|BEE]]) [[wikipedia:Jacksonville_State_University|Jacksonville State University]] (did not graduate)
|occupation = Military communications Engineer Inventor
|saga = {{saga|childhood|cn}}, {{saga|greene|cn}}, {{saga|bearstein|cn}}, {{saga|julie|cn}}, {{saga|emily|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Robert "Bob" Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]] – 6 September [[2011]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180110224343/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he [[Bob Walks In|walked in]] on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, wherein he promised to cut the internet down.

Despite being estranged from his other children, and despised by his stepson for abusive behavior, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]] by Christorians, and – as far as Chris's own testimony can be trusted – he treated Chris better than any of his previous children. Bob had serious difficulties working with Chris's [[autism]], a disorder that he and his wife did not fully understand, but nonetheless, he had high hopes for his child in spite of the difficulties that he faced. Bob hoped to instill Chris with a variety of interests that reflected his own varied tastes, and he created The Dreaming Studio in their backyard in the hopes that they'd create things there (though, sadly, nothing of note was ever created there).

Because of this, Bob's popularity stems from being somewhat concerned with Chris's foolish behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's sorry life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising his son. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb, he at least made the effort, even if his attempts were futile or harmful at worst. That being said, he also encouraged Chris to ''not'' seek employment in favor of getting [[Monthly Tugboat|welfare]], even though Chris could still hold a part-time job and receive those benefits, so he's not entirely blameless for the sorry state that his son is in today, either. Not to mention that many of [[Homos|Chris's more backward]] [[Chris and race|social perspectives]] that he had in the "Classic Era" stem from his influence.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. It seems that Chris's passion for [[Honest Content]] did not fall too far from that tree, although Bob at least had a filter that his son lacks. Whether in person or over the phone, Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone. According to Chris, he was also a strong negotiator.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 6 September 2011, Bob died of complications from heart failure at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU, surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObitarchive">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> He was survived by his wife and son, who then had to become the man of the house. Chris occasionally raked in some income through commission work, though he has never looked for a serious career. Chris initially came to terms with his father's death in a conventional, healthy way, but eventually turned to a [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism where he genuinely believed that his father was alive in [[Dimensions|another dimension]] as a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] named Robertchu.

Years later in 2021, Chris would disgrace Bob's memory by repeatedly having dubiously-consensual sex with his wife in an [[Affair with Mother|incest]]-based affair, with Chris bragging that he could get Barb off better than "Mr. C" ever could. Following this incident, both were separated from the house that he maintained, with Chris jailed, Barb temporarily hospitalized before eventually returning to the residence, and the Dreaming Studio left abandoned for good.

==Biography==
Bob was born on 4:15 PM at a medical arts building in {{w|Fort Worth, Texas}},<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in {{w|Sylacauga, Alabama}}.<ref name="About">[[Date with Emily#Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)]]</ref> He was the only child of Robert Franklin "Bobby" Chandler Sr. (8 February 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/103153414/robert-franklin-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328063730/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM archive])</ref> – 27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328072547/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 archive])</ref>), an Alabamian insurance agent, and Jean Hollomon (28 March 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/5947049/jean-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328094240/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M archive])</ref> – 10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328092829/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 archive])</ref>), a Texan housewife.<ref>[[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]]</ref> Bob has eight younger half-siblings on his father's side.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref> He also mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> However, a distant relative disputed his Cherokee heritage,<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref> and his son's [[Cherokian Clan#Reality|DNA test results]] in 2018 belied any American Indian descent. It is common for white Southerners to make dubious claims to Cherokee ancestry, for a variety of historical reasons.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120042/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/10/cherokee-blood-why-do-so-many-americans-believe-they-have-cherokee-ancestry.html Slate article]</ref>

[[File:Robert Sr 1942.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|Bob's Father in 1942.]]

[[File:Bob_Chandler_1945.png|thumb|right|200px|Bob Chandler (left) as a Boy Scout in 1945.]]

Bob has said that he was, "...interested in the world," around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign [[stamps]] as a child in the [[1930s]]; his first stamp was of {{w|Michael I of Romania}}. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> About 100 or so survived the 2014 [[house fire]].<ref>[[Discord Q&A 4#Bob's record collection]]</ref>

Bob joined the [[wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts]], becoming an Eagle Scout and a Scoutmaster for over 20 years.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref>

According to Chris, Bob lost his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] at the age of 27, which would have been in 1954 or 1955.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up]]</ref>

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School lists a "Bobby Chandler" in the freshman class and glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in spring 1945 before matriculating at {{w|Auburn University}} as an aeronautical engineering major that autumn.

[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Bob apparently had knowledge that the Army desired,<ref>(Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175556/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14])</ref> was conscripted as a special draftee in 1946 and placed in the {{w|Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps}}. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School in {{w|Fort Monmouth}}, New Jersey, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. Serving until 1948, he was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal: his service number was 44107856.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120633/https://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%2520desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538%2C4652469%2C8564216%2C1000879%2C987835%2C4549799%2C991002%2C8565331%2C5188385%2C8565346]</ref> Figuring he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college, {{w|Jacksonville State Teachers College}} (now Jacksonville State University), after leaving the military. He studied pre-engineering and joined the band there for two years before returning to Auburn University, where he studied electrical engineering and graduated in 1952 with a {{w|Bachelor of Electrical Engineering}} degree.<ref>(page 269 of the 1952 yearbook)[https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175342/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] {{w|G.I. Bill}}.</ref><ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref name = "Meet">[[Date with Emily#Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was part of the band once again, was a member of {{w|Wesley Foundation}}, a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|United Methodist]] religious group; and Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
[[File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg|thumb|200px|Article on Bob's 25th anniversary at General Electric.]]

A 1946 military record included Bob's occupation while he was a student as "tinsmith, coppersmith, and sheet metal worker".

Bob worked for {{w|Western Electric}} as an engineer for 40 years, where he designed a variety of electrical subsystems, including relays, telephones and valve systems. During the 1950s, he lived in [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Winston-Salem, North Carolina]], where his father and half of his half-siblings lived for the rest of their lives. He was then offered a job by [[wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]] in [[wikipedia:Utica, New York|Utica, New York]]. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he left after three years, returning back to Winston-Salem for a few years before transferring to [[wikipedia:Roanoke, Virginia|Roanoke]] in Southwest Virginia, where he discovered his love for the mountains. In 1975, he moved to [[Richmond]], where he worked until 1980, when he was transferred to [[Charlottesville]].<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] claimed, in an email to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the {{w|Nintendo Entertainment System|NES}} "...might not have arrived so soon,"<ref name="Barbara" /> ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983, without influence from American electronics.

{{quote|Bob Chandler is one of the most creative engineers in the organization.|The General Manager at G.E.<ref>[[:File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg]]</ref>}}

Examples of Bob's accomplishments include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a vehicle logging system.<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3486009</ref> Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed controls<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3889849</ref> that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#A Word from Snorlax]]</ref>

Bob retired in 1987 at the age of 59 or 60.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris#Open Letter - December 26th, 1987]]</ref> His relatively early retirement may have been provoked by health problems, as he writes in his December 1987 [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letter to Chris]] that "I know now that I, at best, haven't much time left to share myself with you".

Bob himself was proud of his, "...natural inclination for logic," although he was, "...inundated," by all his designs and whether he did well for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

{{quote|I have been very interested in the world since I was 10 years old, and that was 70 years ago and, the, uh, I'm very fond of and I really truly believe in the United Nations, but you won't find anybody else in my countryside or around here, I think, that does. (laughing) But anyway, I'm very world conscious.|[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|Bob]]}}

Bob referred to himself as a {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}}, and he did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in {{w|United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election}}.<ref name="Prank calls"/> That said, he had misgivings about {{w|Bob McDonnell}}, the Republican candidate in the {{w|Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|2009 Virginia gubernatorial election}} and the ultimate winner of the election, possibly because of McDonnell's support for very strict anti-abortion laws, which made no exceptions for cases of rape or [[Chris and sex#incest|incest]]. Bob and Chris considered writing in Snoopy from ''[[Peanuts]]'' as a protest vote.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> but he continued talking on the grounds that his grasp of post-Soviet geography was shaky. He apparently convinced himself that Molvanîa was the same place as the real country of {{w|Moldova}}, a former Soviet republic located near the Black Sea.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

Besides Korea, Bob also visited Australia and England at some point in his life.<ref name = "Retired Life">[[Date with Emily#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref>

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956 at a United Methodist church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] (b. 1961) and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] (b. 1964).

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit">https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dailyprogress/name/robert-franklin-chandler-obituary?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Because of this, Chris did not know he had a niece via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]], until she was 8 years old,<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref> and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more distant. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and the last they had heard was that she was working for the federal government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref> David, on the other hand, did attend his father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]].]]

Bob and [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] met in 1979 at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s).<ref name=godbear>[[It took a talking bear to give the name a young boy loves]]</ref> Barbara was there with a friend and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Bob claimed that Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hallway," though Barb has disputed this.<ref>[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 2]]</ref> This version of events may be why Chris figured that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]'s friend Chuck McGuigan, who worked at the pub as a bartender, has a vivid memory of them, "...acting out as a couple of drunken losers."<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref> Barb later told Chris that she ultimately married Bob because, "...he owned [[14 Branchland Court|a house]]."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barb and Bob did not have sex for at least two decades before Bob's passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms in the years leading up to his death.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] was nearly 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness ruined the relationship between himself and his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "...when that fuck Bob finally drops,"<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. At the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name = "Meet" />

===Chris===

{{see also|Bob's Letters to Chris}}

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

Bob's relationship with Chris was rather complex. While Bob was considered to be a better parent than his wife [[Barb]], he was by no means the good ol' pop-pop Chandler many thought he was. While Bob at least tried to help Chris, his attempts at doing so were either futile, misguided or even harmful to Chris in the long term.

When Chris was a boy, Bob encouraged him to learn more about the world and tried sharing his interests and hobbies, including engineering, geography and [[Stamps|stamp collecting]].

When Chris was seven, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in the years following Bob's death;<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> he and Barb had been using the space for hoard storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but figured (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and can only associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob had difficulties understanding Chris' [[Autism]] and didn't even bother getting Chris the help he needed, likely due to his antiquated view of Mental Health institutions. Bob fought tooth and nail for years to keep Chris from getting the special education he needed to cope with the real world. It was the very reason why Bob rented a second home in a Chesterfield County so Chris couldn't attend special classes that Greene County recommended.

When Chris entered [[Manchester High]], Bob hired [[Gal pal|a bunch of girls]] to babysit Chris in a misguided attempt to socialize Chris. He let Chris believe they were legit friends, when they were only in it for their own gain.

Bob enjoyed collecting stamps as a boy growing up in the 1930s, and he continued to do so for several decades, with a focus on the United Nations and foreign countries,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> building a collection of stamp albums which filled six boxes.<ref>[[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]]</ref> He taught Chris about his hobby, buying him a beginner's stamp album in 1992.<ref>[[eBay#Chris's stamp album]]</ref> Chris seemed to enjoy the hobby as well, since he had many pages of stamps filled in. In [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letters]] to Chris (written when Chris was a few years old), Bob gave Chris permission to pass along his various collections onto others after inheriting them. In 2017, Chris began selling pieces of the inherited stamp collection. Bob's pieces were decently priced, generally for $5 per set, though he tried to sell his own personal stamp album for $1,000.<ref>[[eBay]] - see listings for their stamp collections.</ref>

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

Chris's phobia of [[Pickle|penises]] was apparently sparked from barging into his parents' room, where Bob had a habit of sleeping nude from the waist down.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref>

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements [sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded).|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. As seen during the lead up to the fateful encounter between [[Emily]], Chris and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Bob seemed to be more than happy to discuss stories with people, even those he hadn't seen or heard that much of - [[Robert Simmons V]], who met Bob during his [[Church audio|visit to Chris's church]] conversed with him extensively, later saying that he was a 'really pleasant guy.' The antagonism to which Chris refers was likely Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|A drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]

An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason as to why he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love," "support," "gratitude," and "willingness to help." Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris still ran for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional [[Mumble 1|frustration]] over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appeared that Bob was the source of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with a troll, Bob stated that Chris was [[Chris and anger|"a hell of a lot nicer"]] and "has done a lot better than" the troll calling him.<ref name="Prank">[[Prank calls#Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler]]</ref>

After Chris got his now obsolete [[CADD]] degree, instead of telling Chris to get to work like any other parent would, he encouraged Chris to stay home just so he could continue to get his taxpayer-funded [[tugboat]].

He never seemed to get past the notion that Chris could and had already achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's emails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a "fag", even though he indirectly contributed to it through his unbalanced approach of socializing Chris.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence of others for granted. He also got genuinely emotional while reading a letter that his father had left for him on-camera, again indicating how much he misses his father.<ref>[[CLog 09042017 - Mister C]]</ref>

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since his passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on in his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> and displaying two photos of him in front of his TV.<ref>[[:File:Totem2ebay.jpeg]]</ref> He often sees Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

Due to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris later expressed beliefs that Bob is half-Sonichu and is apparently still alive in the [[CWCville]] dimension. These beliefs began around December 2017 and continued even after the Idea Guys had been removed from power, as shown by the below quote from 2018's Father's Day.

{{quotebox|[[File:Father's Day 2018.jpg|200px|thumb]]

<nowiki>#HappyFathersDay</nowiki> to each and every Father in This World and in Every Single Other Dimension Too! My father is alive again! I still love him, even in his checker-patterned glory! ⚡️💙❤️⚡️<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191211070743/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref>}}

In the [[Incest Call]], Chris claimed he was better at [[Affair with Mother|pleasuring]] [[Barb]] than his own father. One can only imagine Bob's reaction to this news if he were still alive to bear witness to what his son has become.

Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Chris, his second chance at being a father, was Bob's greatest failure as a parent, even when factoring in his strained relationship with his other children.

===Other relationships===
In spite of his redneck background, Bob seems to have gotten along better with foreigners than with his own countrymen. His closest friend in Richmond was Reverend Chen of Korean Canaan Presbyterian Church,<ref>[[Date with Emily#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> and he had English friends through his involvement with Matt's British Pub.<ref name=godbear></ref> He also had friends in Australia.<ref>BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7</ref>

From his father's second marriage, Bob had, "...a large number of half-brothers and sisters in... [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Salem, North Carolina]],"<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref> but he does not seem to have been very close with them. Bob's stepmother's obituary confirms that eight of these half-siblings were alive as of 2015.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref>

[[Prank calls#Call Bobby Chandler|Contrary to popular beliefs]], he did not have friends in the Ku Klux Klan.

==Later life, poor health and death==
[[File:Bob playbill for musical push cart.jpg|thumb|200px|Playbill for Mr. C. and his musical pushcart.]]

Bob lived on Social Security as well as his General Electric pension.<ref name = "Retired Life" /> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to 'swing with the music' on his swing there.<ref name="Retired Life" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple-bypass operations took place first in August 1980 and at last in 1992. He had {{w|Coronary artery disease}} and wore an {{w|Artificial cardiac pacemaker|artificial pacemaker}}.<ref>[[Autism papers#FAMILY_HISTORY:]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He apparently had several vivid near-death experiences: during [[Date with Emily#Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)|Chris's date with]] [[Emily]], Bob tells her that he has "died" several times, and Chris says that Bob, "...has seen the light, but did not actually go to it." In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build-up in his legs, which is symptomatic of CHF. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [sic] {{w|heart failure}}". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and [[White-Knighting|white knights]] alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Chris and his Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210121845/https://www.healthline.com/health/chf-life-expectancy]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and [[Tour of Chris's House|lifestyle]] made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naïve|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well". Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an email to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk. On the sixth of that month, he died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit"></ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12–19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927–2011."<ref name="BobObit" />

It is said that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Marvin]] and other trolls, using the [[Jackie]] identity as a catfish, attempted to contact Chris over the phone shortly after Bob's death for unclear reasons; Chris was noted to be audibly upset as he cried throughout the conversation. While the audio was recorded and archived on what is referred to as the "Black Tape" by some Christorians, the contents of the call were never released publicly due to Chris's miserable emotional state. The trolls who participated in the call realized after the fact that it was simply too soon to try to reach out to Chris in this fashion and, for a change, opted to respect his privacy for once. The Black Tape either still exists in the hands of the trolls who participated in its creation, or it has been lost to time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Marvin)#The Black Tape]]</ref>

Bob's death also marked another significant change in Chris's life, as the vast majority of the trolls associated with the "Classic Era" voluntarily retired from trolling Chris, knowing that he was deeply depressed by his father's passing. Only a few of these trolls still remain active as observers on [[Kiwi Farms]], and a trolling renaissance did not begin until much later in the decade with the advent of the [[Idea Guys]].

==Cause of death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claimed that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.

{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}

Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case), Chris's actions stemmed purely from selfishness and egotism – business as usual.

Years later, in 2017, Chris revised his claim and said that Bob was killed after hospital staff surprised him with a "Loud Noise." He went on to say that he had more freedom when Bob was alive.

{{quote|I wish I could go back to September 5, 2011 and stop the staff from making the Loud Noise that killed my father with stressful surprise. I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris<ref name=LoudNoise></ref>}}

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counseled Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

With Chris taking part in writing the obituary, it's amazing that the writing stayed focus on Bob and did not once mention Sonichu or become about Chris (except for the request for money at the end).

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
{{quoteboxgray|
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.<ref name="BobObit" />}}

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville, VA|all things considered]]) who tried ([[2014 house fire|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) his best to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Date with Emily|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris, but stopped altogether in his later years, leaving Chris to his own devices.

On the other hand, we have him to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backward]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He managed to alienate his other children enough that [[Carol Chandler|his daughter]] didn't attend his funeral or keep in touch while he was alive. He helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Chris and his ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's crippling dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He bailed out his son repeatedly and never really let Chris experience the [[Financhu Crisis|consequences]] of his misinformed [[Chris and money|life decisions]]. He never made any serious effort to correct his son's glaring character flaws and shortcomings, even when he [[Bob Walks In|caught him masturbating in the kitchen]]. The [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|few]] times he did intervene, it wasn't even for Chris' own benefit, but to shake off the trolls and the Health department. He also did not make any real attempt to provide for Chris's future, beyond ensuring the tugboat. He left all of his money to Barbara, who promptly wasted it all on [[Rob Bell|lawyer's fees]] – a conscientious parent would have anticipated this and put some of the money in a trust for Chris, not that Chris would've handled the money any better. Better yet, he could've given the money to his son Alan, Carol or his own [[Savannah|granddaughter]].

While some like to remember Bob as a kind-hearted, albeit ignorant old man who tried his best to be a good father, others see him as a remnant of a bygone era who is responsible for moulding Chris into the person he is today.

{{clear}}

==Chris's beliefs on Bob's afterlife==
===Idea Guy influences===
{{quote|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr's and Ted Bundy's souls never went to Heaven or Hell; They both became reborn ''[...]'' as their respective Sonichu forms. ''[...]'' Mister C. and Ted also serve to help the nation of CWCville in defense, and in intellect.|[[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], page 49}}

[[File:Bobchu.jpeg|thumb|150px|Bob's Sonichu form.]]
[[File:Bob meets Ted Bundy, Sonichu 16.JPG|Bob meets Ted Bundy in the hereafter.|thumb|150px]]

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspectives of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Perhaps one of the more heinous examples of this was the Idea Guys' [[Chris and manipulation|manipulation]] of Chris's views on his own father; views which Chris has yet to abandon, despite the Idea Guys being removed from power by the [[Guard Dogs]] in mid-2018. Ideas involving Bob include:

*Bob's spirit resides in CWCville, dimension [[C-197]], as a half-Sonichu named Robertchu, styled in his Sonichu form as a beaver with checkerboard fur<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122024/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref><ref>The drawing of Robertchu was among those drawn for Idea Guy, and no references to it exist beforehand.</ref> (a reference to his troll-given Internet Lumberjack nickname).

*Bob met serial killer Ted Bundy while in CWCville and helps defend it alongside Ted.<ref>[[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]]</ref>

Post-Idea Guys, Chris decided that Robertchu's fur color was really red with black ears because he found it too time-consuming to draw the checkerboard pattern.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Father's Day memorial]]</ref>

Robertchu was featured as cards in Chris's homemade [[Shipfic]] expansion. In one, Chris photoshopped a photo of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] so that she is standing beside a drawing of Robertchu in his Sonichu form. The card text reads, "Honey, I'm Home" and states:

{{quotebox|Every once in a while, Mister C runs back home to offer comfort to Barbara. Before the Dimension Merge's completion, she has missed him everyday, and found the solace and comfort when he comes by. He continues to carry a torch for her in his heart and soul while he helps to protect everyone in Cwcville and at this old temple of a house.}}

[[File:RobertchuBackHome.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Robertchu as a [[Shipfic]] card.]]

{{clear}}

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
{{quote|Christian, you are not a girl! Go put your pants back on.|Bob, ''Sonichu'' #12}}

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb]]

In [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|"Spring Break, 2008"]], a radio announcement from [[Jamsta Sonichu]] mentions that Bob founded [[CWCville]] in 1982, presumably after Chris's birth on [[Chris's birthday|24 February]] given that Bob named the city after his newborn son. Comic Bob presumably served as mayor before Chris took the office at an unknown date. At other points, Bob was mentioned in Chris's tangents about hating men other than himself and his father.

In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|"Date Ed"]], there are two dolls for the class to practice talking to, girls received "Robert" dolls, while boys received "Barbara" dolls, an obvious reference/homage to Bob and Barb.

Bob made his first official appearance in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Barb and various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

[[File:Bob,Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Bob appears in a set of pages that combine an autobiographical account of Chris coming out as a [[tomgirl]] to his parents, and a tribute to his late father. He is depicted as an elderly man, as the page took place in 2010 (due to Chris's [[Oedipus complex]], Barb is depicted as much more youthful). He attempts to dissuade Chris from continuing his tomgirl lifestyle, although Chris states that Bob later, "...told me he accepts and love ''[sic]'' me for who I am," shortly before his passing in 2011.

Chris concludes Bob's appearance in the book with a photo in memoriam of his life, saying that he and Barb continue to miss him every day.

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Bob, pictured at right, as ''Gallop Crush'', in a [[MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying that they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]. The ponified Bob, known as "Gallop Crush", appears as [[Night Star]]'s father, reaffirming the self-insert nature of Chris's ponysona.

In the [[Idea Guy]]-written [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], Bob's spirit crosses over into CWCville where he meets and strikes up a conversation with serial killer [[Ted Bundy]].

{{Mayors of CWCville}}

===As a toy===

<center><gallery>
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]]. Oh yes.
File:ChrisFamilyEtsyC.jpg|Promo drawing
</gallery></center>

===Audio and video===

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
*[[Christmas|25 December]] [[2004]]: Bob makes multiple physical appearences in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]], where he appears remarkably depressed.
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]] in the [[kitchen]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church Visit|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these. He was usually sincere when talking with prank callers, providing them with true and honest information about himself and Chris, but was occasionally pushed to trolling them back, on one occasion telling a particularly obnoxious pair of trolls that he had ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College sophomore yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn junior yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:WW2BobChandler(badquality).jpg|Bob's 1946 U.S. Army draftee (written in 1945).
File:Bob1946WW2DraftCardPhysicalDetail.png|Bob's 1946 Draft card on a physical detail (written in 1945).
File:BobPatMarriage.png|Bob and Patricia's newspaper engagement.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census.
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census.
File:Bob1950Census.jpg|Bob in the Jacksonville State Teachers University's dormitory room - 1950s census.
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Christmas at the Chandlers, taken sometime during the 1980s.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg
File:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
File:1993family.png|Barb, Chris and Bob in [[1993]]
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
File:0090-Christmas95-5.jpg
File:0091-Christmas95-6.jpg
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
File:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg
File:0473-CWC18th4.jpg
File:0114-MomsBirthday97-2.jpg
File:0115-MomsBirthday97-3.jpg
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
File:Bob1997article1.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in July 1997.
File:Bob1997article2.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in August 1997.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
File:0472-CWC18th3.jpg
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan tributes==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==References==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122203/https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/141038783/robert-franklin-chandler Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
{{ChildhoodSaga}}
{{GreeneSaga}}
{{BearsteinSaga}}
{{JulieSaga}}
{{EmilySaga}}
{{IvySaga}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2024-06-04T16:08:08Z

Sorades: Undo revision 324195 by Anaxis (talk) There's no point in redacting her name when Chris already gave it away.

[[File:Oct 13 profile pic.png|thumb|500px|center|Chris's new Facebook profile photo, a Lego self-portrait, uploaded 13 October 2013.]]

The following covers Chris's [[Facebook]] activity in [[October 2013]].
[[File:Oct 13 cover photo.png|thumb|right|500px|Chris's new cover photo, a Lego version of that evil bitch Megan.]]
==Summary==
* 2 October - Chris makes a series of [[random-access humor]] posts.
* 3 October - Chris posts an angry rant directed at [[Megan]].
* 4 October - Chris continues to express his rage about Megan.
* 5 October - Chris responds to an email purportedly from Megan, and beats her up in a [[LEGO|Lego]] showdown.
* 7 October - Chris is raising money for a children's hospital.
* 8 October - Chris has potentially found a new place to play [[Pokémon]].
* 11 October - Chris announces that someone is using his name maliciously.
* 13 October - Chris has reached his fundraising goal.
* 14 October - Chris is having jaw problems and begs for a woman to save him from his miserable life.
* 15 October - Chris reviews a [[McDonald's]] product.
* 17-18 October - Chris claims to have received gifts from [[trolls|fans]].
* 28 October - Chris demands that the trolls stop snooping into his private Facebook posts.
* 30 October - Chris is shocked to discover that his [[high school]] [[gal-pals]] only pretended to be his friends out of pity.
* 31 October - Chris is still crushed by this news and requests apologies from those who have wronged him.

==Status Updates==
===Wacky random-access humor!===
On 2 October 2013 Chris made a series of [[random-access humor]] posts. According to Facebook, these were all posted near one of the locations called [[wikipedia:Clover Hill, Virginia|Clover Hill, Virginia]], but it is not clear which one exactly:

{{quotebox|Basement Rats and Free Hats! We don't have either one. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Muck stuck icky bickie boo boo boom.<nowiki>~~~~~~~~~~</nowiki> - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Carrots are good for your eyes; can it dial a phone?" - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|I once knew a man from Nantucket, who had on his head a stupid bucket. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|There once was a nose from Pocanose, but then it ran away to Snotsville. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Oh, look. There's a hippo on my head. I'm flat as a paper. Don't just stand there; write a letter on me. "Dear sir, Hello. Buck Williams. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"I'm upside-down in a car, driving my way to the grocery store" "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot" "Stop saying "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot;" that's my bit, get your own." "Okay, how about Spling-pling-bling-bing-slee-de-lee-dee." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Slimerr." "Whaat?" "I'm gonna bust your ass." "Nooooooooooo!" "Ha-Ha." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|When your mind is a blank, the repeated stupidities really drive you insane, and it is boring! - feeling dumb}}

===Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born===
{{quotebox|3 October 2013
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Megan Schroeder]]!<nowiki>**</nowiki>

You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, [[Trolls]], [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]] People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with [[Megagi La Skunk]]; [[Chris and reality|she feels deep distrust in you]]. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your [[Sailor Megtune]] powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! [[Sailor Moon|Usagi and the Sailor Scouts]] would have been most ashamed of you.

You need to pay me what you owe for [[Chris and hypocrisy|Destroying Me, My Heart, My Soul, and My Life]] with your ungratefulness to [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|my past loyalty and devotion]]. You played me for a fool for Years, making me spend and spend on you with borrowed [[Chris and money|money]]! You continuously had [[Mimms]] an everyone else online humiliate me! I can not ever find employment now, because my background check has been made null and void with Your Damn Internet Troll Army! You would not even accept the Copies of the Uncut SM series I had burned for you! You conned me into giving you my Original DVDs. It is as if I was swindled into bargain basement, counterfeit imported crap. I poured my heart for you, and you break the glass pitcher the essence was stored in.

You need to pay me what you greatly owe me for Destroying Me! And I not or you and your army, stressing us out, [[Bob|my father]] would still be alive today! Face Me In Person and settle our Long Heated Rivalry and Domestic Hatred, NOW!!! :( -feeling angry.}}

Chris immediately posted two more comments:

{{quotebox|And by the way, [[Chris and religion|I pray]] you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch]] and the [[Michael Snyder|Bastard]]! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!}}
{{quotebox|NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!}}

===Apologize or else===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the [[CWCki|Cwcki]], its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking [[Internet]] is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT [[Ban|BANNED]] FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female [[Sweetheart]] for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.}}

===GAMe PLACe revelations===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs on to me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "[[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; His Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my [[homosexual]] fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!"

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to [[curse]] and haunt you with my father at my side.}}

Immediately afterwards Chris posted:

{{quotebox|NOBODY COMMENT OR EMAIL ME! I want HER to contact me In Person and Face to Face!}}

===The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand===
After his previous post, Chris was emailed by a person purporting to be Megan, and responded:

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand. If she was so innocent of causing my grief online the past six years, she would have not told me the name of the nearby friendly neighborhood webmaster of a Troll that could "take some stuff down" from the internet.}}

{{quoteboxred|From: Megan Schroeder

To: Christian Weston Chandler

Re: "Outstanding Community Member" my ass and foot.

October 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM

I DIDN'T CONSPIRE TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE! You did that enough on your own! With your ridiculous webcomic and your "war" against ED. As for the touching thing, I don't like being touched by men who aren't in a relationship with me. And all those things you did for me? I thought you did that because we were friends, and I was gratefull! Do you know how much of your crap I put up with? The touching, the rants, the being creepy...all that! And I didn't fake romance, that was real. Christopher wasn't gay and how did that send you into mental shock? Did you believe I was yours or something? You were already an internet phenomenon loooong before I ever came into the picture. I never set up that ED page, it wasn't me who told Mimms and Lucas to do stuff, I didn't get you banned from the store, and I sure as Hell am not responsible for the death of your father! Do you know how bad that picture made me feel? It scared the Hell out of me! You are the one who should apologize! Didn't you consider me a "sweetheart"? Well, for all your other "sweethearts", you made those stupid videos. So if I still mean so damn much to you, why don't you make a video apologizing to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll consider e-mailing Lucas and telling him to take some stuff down.}}

===Lego Soul Calibur Showdown===
Chris posted 28 photos which presumably tell a narrative of an epic showdown. He then changed his profile picture and cover photo to fit the theme.

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
Me versus Megan Schroeder; [[Soul Calibur]] style with Tag Team.

<center><gallery>
File:Meganfight 1.jpg
File:Meganfight 2.jpg
File:Meganfight 3.jpg
File:Meganfight 4.jpg
File:Meganfight 5.jpg
File:Meganfight 6.jpg
File:Meganfight 7.jpg
File:Meganfight 8.jpg
File:Meganfight 9.jpg
File:Meganfight 10.jpg
File:Meganfight 11.jpg
File:Meganfight 12.jpg
File:Meganfight 13.jpg
File:Meganfight 14.jpg
File:Meganfight 15.jpg
File:Meganfight 16.jpg
File:Meganfight 17.jpg
File:Meganfight 18.jpg
File:Meganfight 19.jpg
File:Meganfight 20.jpg
File:Meganfight 21.jpg
File:Meganfight 22.jpg
File:Meganfight 23.jpg
File:Meganfight 24.jpg
File:Meganfight 25.jpg
File:Meganfight 26.jpg
File:Meganfight 27.jpg
File:Meganfight 28.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

===Children's hospitals videos===
{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/8vYDB8fojP PlayStation and Extra Life Team Up For Children's Hospitals}}

and:

{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I'm supporting @CMNHospitals through @ExtraLife4Kids! http://t.co/QwohGHw5dT via @DonorDrive}}

===Chris is fundraising===
{{quotebox|7 October 2013
I just raised 37 dollars towards the 200 goal; please, Give me the reason to play on for 25 Hours on November 2nd.}}

===Pony music===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I Am Octavia <nowiki>[Titanium Parody] ~ EileMonty [Feat; Nowacking & WildCards]</nowiki> - listening to Eilemonty.}}

===New Pokémon place===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I may have found a new place, or otherwise an old League that has Moved, to go to for [[pokemon|Pok'emon]] TCG League Friday Nights. Located at [[UVA]]. Tell No One I am considering this. Comments are welcome.}}
{{quotebox|http://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/<ref>([https://web.archive.org/web/20180807173559/https://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/ archive])</ref>}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] remarked:

{{quoteboxred|I'd love to join these if they were about the nintendo handheld games instead of the card games.}}

Another friend added:

{{quoteboxgreen|Oh man, so jealous! I wish they had one around here. Do you think they play regulation? Looks like some leadership opportunity, too. :)}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|they play both the cards and the (3)DS}}

===Chris is not in the Phillippines===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

Someone is pretending to be me in Spoofing and has been spamming the message screen capped below to a lot of people; likely those in my contact list on my AOL account.

Mainly, I have not ever been to the Phillipines; I am still in [[Ruckersville]], VA; financial issues for real right here and now are irrelevant, and I am not in any trouble with any police or "embassy". Whoever is pretending to be me in this spoof attempt needs to stop or be stopped.

And in any case, please disregard the message if you have received it. — :( feeling pissed off.}}

===Fundraising update===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013
We got 142/200 dollars in the pot for UVA Children's Hospital; Please, at least 58 more towards my twenty-five hour gaming marathon portion. And more beyond that would still be much appreciated for the children.

http://t.co/f7kVChupfo}}

===Fundraising goal reached===
{{quotebox|13 October 2013
We've reached over the 200 Dollar Mark by 8; Thank you everyone who donated. More donations will be accepted and appreciated by UVA Medical Center. I will start my 25 Hour Gameathon at Midnight EST, November 2, 2013, with the rest of the gamers!}}

===More charity "work"===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
I just supported Play games. Heal kids. Nov. 2 on @ThunderclapIt // @ExtraLife4Kids http://t.co/vJPvhVKox0}}

===Jaw problems and a plea for rescue===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
Two Things: 1) [[Chris and health|My jaw started squeaking]] an airy jig when I chew food. Internet search finds me with a TSJ disorder. [[Barb|My mother]] stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances here and shit!!! It is no wonder I ended up with jaw clenching towards TSJD.

Second) I am considering online meeting women. And right now, I need a Hero of a Woman to get me out of this mental hell hole of a fate I am forced to live at home. Blessing count: roof over my head, compassionate, sweet [[Clover and Snoopy|beagle dogs]], hobby pursuit, whatnot. My mother and the trolls and [[God]] are all giving me grief and [[stress]]. My mother is a good person, but when she goes on and on and on about the bad news, rearranges things, yelling at me, talking down to me, I feel bothered.

Some Woman! Please Help Me! - :( feeling stressed.}}

[[Kim]] asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Have you gone to a doctor?}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|I will be seeing my physician later today about my TSJ problem.}}

===BOLDY SPICY!===
{{quotebox|15 October 2013
I just had a 5 piece Mighty Wing at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], with honey mustard; I had a sauce-free bite first. At the Forest Lakes location at least, there is a reason for offering a large drink free with 5 piece purchase. BOLDY SPICY!! They would do just as well offering a milk jug or two with purchase. They should make t-shirts: "I Survived the McD Mighty Wings!"}}
{{quotebox|Also, I just had my [[obesity|weight]] checked; lost seven pounds; now at 211.}}

===A "Present"===
{{quotebox|17 October 2013
[[File:Delorean.png|thumb|left]]
Hey, look at the latest in Troll/"Fan" Presents: a Lego DeLorean. It was fun to build it. Thank you. - :D feeling amused.}}

But Kim was suspicious:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh, I think I might be misunderstanding you. So, a troll gave you the idea for this and you bought the kit and made it?

Where did you buy it? Did you get a good deal on it?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|No, a troll purchased and sent me the kit as a gift from Amazon.}}

Kim was not convinced:

{{quoteboxgreen|Aww c'mon, don't bullshit me. No they didn't. Where'd you get it?}}

Chris didn't answer.

===Another "Present"===
{{quotebox|18 October 2013
[[File:Great pumpkin.png|thumb|right]]
Someone else sent me a present; a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Amazon must be their favorite place to shop online.}}

Kim again called him out:

{{quoteboxgreen|But no one sent you this as a present either. I don't get what this post is about. Could you explain it?}}

Chris remained silent.

===Respect my privacy===
After the September 2013 Facebook leak on the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris posted the following:

{{quotebox|28 October 2013
Announcement: Attention Everyone: Whoever has been capping and discussing my private posts, Please Stop It. I have no intention towards anything online, and my private thoughts I share Only with my Real Friends in my List Only should remain Private as such. And I have not been whining about anyone, so please stop bothering people and telling them that I had. I will never be a member of anything about and/or against me online Ever, so any "kind offers" will be automatically rejected and ignored.

In other words, Leave Me Alone and Quit Talking About Me At All, you pinheaded Trolls!!!}}

===Reality Comes Knocking===
Chris has received messages from people purporting to be his high school gal-pals. According to [[Thetan]], one of the trolls known for doing this, the text in the red box was quoted from an actual email from one of the gal-pals.

{{quotebox|30 October 2013

I had long thought I was liked genuinely as a person in [[Manchester High School]] by my closest [[gal pals]] and everyone else. Now I am shocked to hear that everyone was my friend, because they felt sorry for me.

Let me share a couple of recent emails from one of my friends. I am not doing this to be mean, cruel or bad, but it really hurts me emotionally.}}

{{quoteboxred|A lot of us were surprised, even shocked to see how much Christian had changed from the way we remembered him in high school. He was just this awkward, slightly-odd, shy kid back then. A lot of the [[Slow-in-the-minds|Special Ed kids]] got picked on but, [[Chris and his ego|for some reason]], Christian seemed to get it much worse than the others. _____ and _____ I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a [[Naïve|lost little boy]]. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems [[Affair with Mother|a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to [[My big 18th party|his 18th birthday party]].

_____ and _____ weren't so much friends of Christian's, as they were his protectors. Some kids used to mess with him and steal his stuff. These kids were constantly teasing Christian and picking on him, doing whatever they could to get some kind of reaction out of him. Mostly Christian just cried or ran away. I don't think I can remember a time where he tried to stand up to the bullies. He seemed to prefer to have other people do that for him.

No, I don't really follow Christian's activity on [[Facebook]]. I'm actually not on his friends list, for reasons I'd rather not discuss with someone I don't really know that well (no offense). I know a lot of the people that are on his friends list, and they mostly ignore him. He's basically background noise. The only time they really notice his posts is when he tags them. Some of the stuff he posts is kind of bizarre and disturbing, which is the main reason why I decided I didn't want to have any contact with him.

I'm also really creeped out that he's still obsessed with [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]] and he's actively looking for her. She is well aware of this and she's taken steps to make sure that she's VERY hard, if not impossible, to find. Yes, I've been in touch with her, but I don't feel that I have her permission to pass along her contact information. I'll pass along your email address though, if that's OK. That way, she can contact you if she wants to.

A lot of people became friends with Christian because of the reunion and also, because a lot of them still felt sorry for him. Some people are having second thoughts though, after seeing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|that awful picture]] he drew of [[Megan Schroeder|his friend]]. A lot of people stopped feeling sorry for him and started ignoring him after they saw that. I was shocked that he could draw something so gross and depraved. The "thumbs up" sign really pissed me off for some reason. The whole thing was very sexist, disrespectful, and, above all - damn creepy.

I have my suspicions about who may have leaked Christian's Facebook posts, but I'd rather not say, because I don't want to be involved in this. Christian accused this person of "leaking" the full list of classmates from our graduating class. Christian contacted some of his MHS friends and tried to make trouble. He told them to give this guy a hard time for what he did. His friends weren't amused. Anyway, I don't think Christian has anything to worry about. He's not friends with this guy anymore.}}

{{Quotebox|Once again, Not to be mean, cruel or bad:

I did not mean to sound cruel; I had thought you all were my friends for the sake of friendship, not for pity.

Really? REALLY?! You all thought of me as weak from first and outside impressions? For your information, I was not picked on as much as I am interpreting your exaggeration. If I was picked on as much as stated, I would have had wedgies, I would have been pestered in the Locker Room, I would have been shoved into a locker, etc., and NONE of those things have ever happened to me at all. I never expected any "protection" from anyone, and I looked up to you all as my Friends, Never like mothers. Oh, my god. I had no preference to anyone doing anything for me; I did a Lot of things for myself, including my homework. I was consistently on [[honor roll|Honor Roll]]. Forgive me if my posts were not being considered "Normal" to you, but my life is what it is, and [[Honest Content|I am usually honest about details.]] NOBODY is happy or mentally sound 24/7/365. EVERYONE in this world has their own Mental Problems, No Matter What or Who. And frankly, I feel pissed off that you would judge me still for that ONE drawing that I had already elaborated on to make sure it had not been taken out of context. And [[Mimms]] is not to be trusted. If he really wanted to help me, he would have never EVER taken my photograph in [[2007]] and make mockery of me!

For everyone's information, I wanted to locate [[Tiffany Gowen]], because I wanted and needed my closest friend to talk to and find closure; I am Lonely and Sad! I went well out of my way to gather towards bringing everyone together for the reunion; I put a lot of the pure goodness I had felt in my my heart and soul into that work. Now I find out everyone was nice to me not for the sake of friendship or that they liked me, but because of sorry feelings!

I was mainstreamed throughout my education; [[Chris and reality|it had worked out well for me.]] I could be a lot worse off. I am not certain pity friendships are for the better for anyone, but real [[My_Little_Pony|friendships really are magic]] and healing, or at least they're supposed to be.

Well, now I know where I stand — :`( feeling very sad.}}

Chris later added:

{{quotebox|This makes me so sad, I actually considered suicide. The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that [[Chris and religion|premature death leaves one in Limbo]]. I am really hurt, and I feel emotionally paralyzed and numb. It all hurts.}}

===Chris is an emotional zombie===
[[File:Chriszombie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|New profile pic for 31 October--Chris is an emotional zombie.]]
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Well, I am emotionally dead again. Now I wander with more blankness and lack of purpose.

I'm coming after your soul as an emotional zombie. Boo. - :`( feeling sad.}}

Chris rehashed this theme with a new [[Halloween]]-themed profile pic.

===Chris Will Only Accept Your Apologies In Person===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
If anyone wants to sincerely apologize to me or actually offer anything even remotely positive to me, come to my house at [[14 Branchland Court]] in Ruckersville, Virginia; I don't take emails, phone calls or whatnot; those can be faked.}}

===PLEASE UNDO IT!===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Look, Whoever reported me just now, PLEASE UNDO IT! I was typing a message to [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Marie Quarles]] asking her if the recent email applied to her as well.}}

==Posts by Chris's Friends==
On 4 October 2013 [[William Elliott Waterman]] changed his profile picture:

{{quotebox|4 October 2013

[[File:William Elliott Waterman.jpg|thumb]]}}

Chris was not happy with what he saw:

{{quotebox|7 October 2013

not funny; why are you [[Chris and his Ego|trying to look like me?]]}}

To which Waterman responded:

{{quoteboxred|7 October 2013

What do you mean? This is just the way I look, Chris}}

==eBay Selling Feed==
{{incomplete}}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

Gal pal

2024-06-03T18:23:04Z

Sorades: /* From school years */

{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father [[Bob]] to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,<ref name=october>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.<ref name=thetangalpals>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Gal Pals]]</ref> A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This unbalanced approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his warped views on [[gender]] and him adopting rather [[tomgirl|effeminate]] traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony]] action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Protip|Do NOT contact or troll any of them.
They have since moved on with their lives and have nothing to gain by reuniting with Chris.}}
Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in a misguided attempt to help Chris socialize. Despite the nature of the agreement, most Gal Pals still felt sorry for Chris years later and wanted to be friends with him again for the sake of the reunion. However, once they became aware of Chris' shenanigans, they grew to despise him and wanted no contact.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[Warhol Tweets#Chris larps as his younger self]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Lyn Andes}}
Kellie Lyn Andes is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on Facebook after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Nicole Gowen}}
Tiffany Gowen is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref name=dvd5></ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> His search ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based of real emails) telling Chris that she was purposely evading him.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Ingram (née Bevel)''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref name=dvd5>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">[[:File:Facebook - December 2013 - High school gal pals talk about Chris.jpg]]</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#PLEASE UNDO IT!]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

==The illusion shattered==
[[Thetan]], a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref name=october></ref> According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Fake Or Real Gal-Pal Emails?]]</ref>

{{quote|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to [[Marvin]], Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother [[Barbara]] whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Thetan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#High School Gal-Pals]]</ref> According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to [[Catherine|Catie]] in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in [[Kiwi Farms]] postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.<ref name=thetangalpals></ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy. Some of these women are trolls as well, although (unlike the troll gal pals below) they interacted with Chris under their real names.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* The [[Teen Troon Squad]]
* Two of the [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2024-06-03T18:19:21Z

Sorades: /* Reality Comes Knocking */

Gal pal

2024-06-03T15:45:44Z

Sorades: /* Tiffany Gowen */

{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father [[Bob]] to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,<ref name=october>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.<ref name=thetangalpals>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Gal Pals]]</ref> A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This unbalanced approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his warped views on [[gender]] and him adopting rather [[tomgirl|effeminate]] traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony]] action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Protip|Do NOT contact or troll any of them.
They have since moved on with their lives and have nothing to gain by reuniting with Chris.}}
Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in a misguided attempt to help Chris socialize.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[Warhol Tweets#Chris larps as his younger self]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Lyn Andes}}
Kellie Lyn Andes is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on Facebook after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Nicole Gowen}}
Tiffany Gowen is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref name=dvd5></ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> His search ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based of real emails) telling Chris that she was purposely evading him.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Ingram (née Bevel)''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref name=dvd5>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">[[:File:Facebook - December 2013 - High school gal pals talk about Chris.jpg]]</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#PLEASE UNDO IT!]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

==The illusion shattered==
[[Thetan]], a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref name=october></ref> According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Fake Or Real Gal-Pal Emails?]]</ref>

{{quote|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to [[Marvin]], Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother [[Barbara]] whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Thetan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#High School Gal-Pals]]</ref> According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to [[Catherine|Catie]] in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in [[Kiwi Farms]] postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.<ref name=thetangalpals></ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy. Some of these women are trolls as well, although (unlike the troll gal pals below) they interacted with Chris under their real names.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* The [[Teen Troon Squad]]
* Two of the [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2024-06-03T13:24:09Z

Sorades:

[[File:Oct 13 profile pic.png|thumb|500px|center|Chris's new Facebook profile photo, a Lego self-portrait, uploaded 13 October 2013.]]

The following covers Chris's [[Facebook]] activity in [[October 2013]].
[[File:Oct 13 cover photo.png|thumb|right|500px|Chris's new cover photo, a Lego version of that evil bitch Megan.]]
==Summary==
* 2 October - Chris makes a series of [[random-access humor]] posts.
* 3 October - Chris posts an angry rant directed at [[Megan]].
* 4 October - Chris continues to express his rage about Megan.
* 5 October - Chris responds to an email purportedly from Megan, and beats her up in a [[LEGO|Lego]] showdown.
* 7 October - Chris is raising money for a children's hospital.
* 8 October - Chris has potentially found a new place to play [[Pokémon]].
* 11 October - Chris announces that someone is using his name maliciously.
* 13 October - Chris has reached his fundraising goal.
* 14 October - Chris is having jaw problems and begs for a woman to save him from his miserable life.
* 15 October - Chris reviews a [[McDonald's]] product.
* 17-18 October - Chris claims to have received gifts from [[trolls|fans]].
* 28 October - Chris demands that the trolls stop snooping into his private Facebook posts.
* 30 October - Chris is shocked to discover that his [[high school]] [[gal-pals]] only pretended to be his friends out of pity.
* 31 October - Chris is still crushed by this news and requests apologies from those who have wronged him.

==Status Updates==
===Wacky random-access humor!===
On 2 October 2013 Chris made a series of [[random-access humor]] posts. According to Facebook, these were all posted near one of the locations called [[wikipedia:Clover Hill, Virginia|Clover Hill, Virginia]], but it is not clear which one exactly:

{{quotebox|Basement Rats and Free Hats! We don't have either one. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Muck stuck icky bickie boo boo boom.<nowiki>~~~~~~~~~~</nowiki> - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Carrots are good for your eyes; can it dial a phone?" - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|I once knew a man from Nantucket, who had on his head a stupid bucket. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|There once was a nose from Pocanose, but then it ran away to Snotsville. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Oh, look. There's a hippo on my head. I'm flat as a paper. Don't just stand there; write a letter on me. "Dear sir, Hello. Buck Williams. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"I'm upside-down in a car, driving my way to the grocery store" "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot" "Stop saying "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot;" that's my bit, get your own." "Okay, how about Spling-pling-bling-bing-slee-de-lee-dee." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Slimerr." "Whaat?" "I'm gonna bust your ass." "Nooooooooooo!" "Ha-Ha." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|When your mind is a blank, the repeated stupidities really drive you insane, and it is boring! - feeling dumb}}

===Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born===
{{quotebox|3 October 2013
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Megan Schroeder]]!<nowiki>**</nowiki>

You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, [[Trolls]], [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]] People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with [[Megagi La Skunk]]; [[Chris and reality|she feels deep distrust in you]]. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your [[Sailor Megtune]] powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! [[Sailor Moon|Usagi and the Sailor Scouts]] would have been most ashamed of you.

You need to pay me what you owe for [[Chris and hypocrisy|Destroying Me, My Heart, My Soul, and My Life]] with your ungratefulness to [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|my past loyalty and devotion]]. You played me for a fool for Years, making me spend and spend on you with borrowed [[Chris and money|money]]! You continuously had [[Mimms]] an everyone else online humiliate me! I can not ever find employment now, because my background check has been made null and void with Your Damn Internet Troll Army! You would not even accept the Copies of the Uncut SM series I had burned for you! You conned me into giving you my Original DVDs. It is as if I was swindled into bargain basement, counterfeit imported crap. I poured my heart for you, and you break the glass pitcher the essence was stored in.

You need to pay me what you greatly owe me for Destroying Me! And I not or you and your army, stressing us out, [[Bob|my father]] would still be alive today! Face Me In Person and settle our Long Heated Rivalry and Domestic Hatred, NOW!!! :( -feeling angry.}}

Chris immediately posted two more comments:

{{quotebox|And by the way, [[Chris and religion|I pray]] you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch]] and the [[Michael Snyder|Bastard]]! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!}}
{{quotebox|NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!}}

===Apologize or else===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the [[CWCki|Cwcki]], its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking [[Internet]] is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT [[Ban|BANNED]] FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female [[Sweetheart]] for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.}}

===GAMe PLACe revelations===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs on to me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "[[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; His Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my [[homosexual]] fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!"

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to [[curse]] and haunt you with my father at my side.}}

Immediately afterwards Chris posted:

{{quotebox|NOBODY COMMENT OR EMAIL ME! I want HER to contact me In Person and Face to Face!}}

===The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand===
After his previous post, Chris was emailed by a person purporting to be Megan, and responded:

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand. If she was so innocent of causing my grief online the past six years, she would have not told me the name of the nearby friendly neighborhood webmaster of a Troll that could "take some stuff down" from the internet.}}

{{quoteboxred|From: Megan Schroeder

To: Christian Weston Chandler

Re: "Outstanding Community Member" my ass and foot.

October 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM

I DIDN'T CONSPIRE TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE! You did that enough on your own! With your ridiculous webcomic and your "war" against ED. As for the touching thing, I don't like being touched by men who aren't in a relationship with me. And all those things you did for me? I thought you did that because we were friends, and I was gratefull! Do you know how much of your crap I put up with? The touching, the rants, the being creepy...all that! And I didn't fake romance, that was real. Christopher wasn't gay and how did that send you into mental shock? Did you believe I was yours or something? You were already an internet phenomenon loooong before I ever came into the picture. I never set up that ED page, it wasn't me who told Mimms and Lucas to do stuff, I didn't get you banned from the store, and I sure as Hell am not responsible for the death of your father! Do you know how bad that picture made me feel? It scared the Hell out of me! You are the one who should apologize! Didn't you consider me a "sweetheart"? Well, for all your other "sweethearts", you made those stupid videos. So if I still mean so damn much to you, why don't you make a video apologizing to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll consider e-mailing Lucas and telling him to take some stuff down.}}

===Lego Soul Calibur Showdown===
Chris posted 28 photos which presumably tell a narrative of an epic showdown. He then changed his profile picture and cover photo to fit the theme.

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
Me versus Megan Schroeder; [[Soul Calibur]] style with Tag Team.

<center><gallery>
File:Meganfight 1.jpg
File:Meganfight 2.jpg
File:Meganfight 3.jpg
File:Meganfight 4.jpg
File:Meganfight 5.jpg
File:Meganfight 6.jpg
File:Meganfight 7.jpg
File:Meganfight 8.jpg
File:Meganfight 9.jpg
File:Meganfight 10.jpg
File:Meganfight 11.jpg
File:Meganfight 12.jpg
File:Meganfight 13.jpg
File:Meganfight 14.jpg
File:Meganfight 15.jpg
File:Meganfight 16.jpg
File:Meganfight 17.jpg
File:Meganfight 18.jpg
File:Meganfight 19.jpg
File:Meganfight 20.jpg
File:Meganfight 21.jpg
File:Meganfight 22.jpg
File:Meganfight 23.jpg
File:Meganfight 24.jpg
File:Meganfight 25.jpg
File:Meganfight 26.jpg
File:Meganfight 27.jpg
File:Meganfight 28.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

===Children's hospitals videos===
{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/8vYDB8fojP PlayStation and Extra Life Team Up For Children's Hospitals}}

and:

{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I'm supporting @CMNHospitals through @ExtraLife4Kids! http://t.co/QwohGHw5dT via @DonorDrive}}

===Chris is fundraising===
{{quotebox|7 October 2013
I just raised 37 dollars towards the 200 goal; please, Give me the reason to play on for 25 Hours on November 2nd.}}

===Pony music===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I Am Octavia <nowiki>[Titanium Parody] ~ EileMonty [Feat; Nowacking & WildCards]</nowiki> - listening to Eilemonty.}}

===New Pokémon place===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I may have found a new place, or otherwise an old League that has Moved, to go to for [[pokemon|Pok'emon]] TCG League Friday Nights. Located at [[UVA]]. Tell No One I am considering this. Comments are welcome.}}
{{quotebox|http://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/<ref>([https://web.archive.org/web/20180807173559/https://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/ archive])</ref>}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] remarked:

{{quoteboxred|I'd love to join these if they were about the nintendo handheld games instead of the card games.}}

Another friend added:

{{quoteboxgreen|Oh man, so jealous! I wish they had one around here. Do you think they play regulation? Looks like some leadership opportunity, too. :)}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|they play both the cards and the (3)DS}}

===Chris is not in the Phillippines===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

Someone is pretending to be me in Spoofing and has been spamming the message screen capped below to a lot of people; likely those in my contact list on my AOL account.

Mainly, I have not ever been to the Phillipines; I am still in [[Ruckersville]], VA; financial issues for real right here and now are irrelevant, and I am not in any trouble with any police or "embassy". Whoever is pretending to be me in this spoof attempt needs to stop or be stopped.

And in any case, please disregard the message if you have received it. — :( feeling pissed off.}}

===Fundraising update===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013
We got 142/200 dollars in the pot for UVA Children's Hospital; Please, at least 58 more towards my twenty-five hour gaming marathon portion. And more beyond that would still be much appreciated for the children.

http://t.co/f7kVChupfo}}

===Fundraising goal reached===
{{quotebox|13 October 2013
We've reached over the 200 Dollar Mark by 8; Thank you everyone who donated. More donations will be accepted and appreciated by UVA Medical Center. I will start my 25 Hour Gameathon at Midnight EST, November 2, 2013, with the rest of the gamers!}}

===More charity "work"===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
I just supported Play games. Heal kids. Nov. 2 on @ThunderclapIt // @ExtraLife4Kids http://t.co/vJPvhVKox0}}

===Jaw problems and a plea for rescue===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
Two Things: 1) [[Chris and health|My jaw started squeaking]] an airy jig when I chew food. Internet search finds me with a TSJ disorder. [[Barb|My mother]] stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances here and shit!!! It is no wonder I ended up with jaw clenching towards TSJD.

Second) I am considering online meeting women. And right now, I need a Hero of a Woman to get me out of this mental hell hole of a fate I am forced to live at home. Blessing count: roof over my head, compassionate, sweet [[Clover and Snoopy|beagle dogs]], hobby pursuit, whatnot. My mother and the trolls and [[God]] are all giving me grief and [[stress]]. My mother is a good person, but when she goes on and on and on about the bad news, rearranges things, yelling at me, talking down to me, I feel bothered.

Some Woman! Please Help Me! - :( feeling stressed.}}

[[Kim]] asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Have you gone to a doctor?}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|I will be seeing my physician later today about my TSJ problem.}}

===BOLDY SPICY!===
{{quotebox|15 October 2013
I just had a 5 piece Mighty Wing at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], with honey mustard; I had a sauce-free bite first. At the Forest Lakes location at least, there is a reason for offering a large drink free with 5 piece purchase. BOLDY SPICY!! They would do just as well offering a milk jug or two with purchase. They should make t-shirts: "I Survived the McD Mighty Wings!"}}
{{quotebox|Also, I just had my [[obesity|weight]] checked; lost seven pounds; now at 211.}}

===A "Present"===
{{quotebox|17 October 2013
[[File:Delorean.png|thumb|left]]
Hey, look at the latest in Troll/"Fan" Presents: a Lego DeLorean. It was fun to build it. Thank you. - :D feeling amused.}}

But Kim was suspicious:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh, I think I might be misunderstanding you. So, a troll gave you the idea for this and you bought the kit and made it?

Where did you buy it? Did you get a good deal on it?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|No, a troll purchased and sent me the kit as a gift from Amazon.}}

Kim was not convinced:

{{quoteboxgreen|Aww c'mon, don't bullshit me. No they didn't. Where'd you get it?}}

Chris didn't answer.

===Another "Present"===
{{quotebox|18 October 2013
[[File:Great pumpkin.png|thumb|right]]
Someone else sent me a present; a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Amazon must be their favorite place to shop online.}}

Kim again called him out:

{{quoteboxgreen|But no one sent you this as a present either. I don't get what this post is about. Could you explain it?}}

Chris remained silent.

===Respect my privacy===
After the September 2013 Facebook leak on the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris posted the following:

{{quotebox|28 October 2013
Announcement: Attention Everyone: Whoever has been capping and discussing my private posts, Please Stop It. I have no intention towards anything online, and my private thoughts I share Only with my Real Friends in my List Only should remain Private as such. And I have not been whining about anyone, so please stop bothering people and telling them that I had. I will never be a member of anything about and/or against me online Ever, so any "kind offers" will be automatically rejected and ignored.

In other words, Leave Me Alone and Quit Talking About Me At All, you pinheaded Trolls!!!}}

===Reality Comes Knocking===
Chris has received messages from people purporting to be his high school gal-pals. According to [[Thetan]], one of the trolls known for doing this, the text in the red box was quoted from an actual email from one of the gal-pals.

{{quotebox|30 October 2013

I had long thought I was liked genuinely as a person in [[Manchester High School]] by my closest [[gal pals]] and everyone else. Now I am shocked to hear that everyone was my friend, because they felt sorry for me.

Let me share a couple of recent emails from one of my friends. I am not doing this to be mean, cruel or bad, but it really hurts me emotionally.}}

{{quoteboxred|A lot of us were surprised, even shocked to see how much Christian had changed from the way we remembered him in high school. He was just this awkward, slightly-odd, shy kid back then. A lot of the [[Slow-in-the-minds|Special Ed kids]] got picked on but, [[Chris and his ego|for some reason]], Christian seemed to get it much worse than the others. _____ and _____ I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a [[Naïve|lost little boy]]. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems [[Affair with Mother|a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to [[My big 18th party|his 18th birthday party]].

_____ and _____ weren't so much friends of Christian's, as they were his protectors. Some kids used to mess with him and steal his stuff. These kids were constantly teasing Christian and picking on him, doing whatever they could to get some kind of reaction out of him. Mostly Christian just cried or ran away. I don't think I can remember a time where he tried to stand up to the bullies. He seemed to prefer to have other people do that for him.

No, I don't really follow Christian's activity on [[Facebook]]. I'm actually not on his friends list, for reasons I'd rather not discuss with someone I don't really know that well (no offense). I know a lot of the people that are on his friends list, and they mostly ignore him. He's basically background noise. The only time they really notice his posts is when he tags them. Some of the stuff he posts is kind of bizarre and disturbing, which is the main reason why I decided I didn't want to have any contact with him.

I'm also really creeped out that he's still obsessed with Tiffany and he's actively looking for her. She is well aware of this and she's taken steps to make sure that she's VERY hard, if not impossible, to find. Yes, I've been in touch with her, but I don't feel that I have her permission to pass along her contact information. I'll pass along your email address though, if that's OK. That way, she can contact you if she wants to.

A lot of people became friends with Christian because of the reunion and also, because a lot of them still felt sorry for him. Some people are having second thoughts though, after seeing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|that awful picture]] he drew of [[Megan Schroeder|his friend]]. A lot of people stopped feeling sorry for him and started ignoring him after they saw that. I was shocked that he could draw something so gross and depraved. The "thumbs up" sign really pissed me off for some reason. The whole thing was very sexist, disrespectful, and, above all - damn creepy.

I have my suspicions about who may have leaked Christian's Facebook posts, but I'd rather not say, because I don't want to be involved in this. Christian accused this person of "leaking" the full list of classmates from our graduating class. Christian contacted some of his MHS friends and tried to make trouble. He told them to give this guy a hard time for what he did. His friends weren't amused. Anyway, I don't think Christian has anything to worry about. He's not friends with this guy anymore.}}

{{Quotebox|Once again, Not to be mean, cruel or bad:

I did not mean to sound cruel; I had thought you all were my friends for the sake of friendship, not for pity.

Really? REALLY?! You all thought of me as weak from first and outside impressions? For your information, I was not picked on as much as I am interpreting your exaggeration. If I was picked on as much as stated, I would have had wedgies, I would have been pestered in the Locker Room, I would have been shoved into a locker, etc., and NONE of those things have ever happened to me at all. I never expected any "protection" from anyone, and I looked up to you all as my Friends, Never like mothers. Oh, my god. I had no preference to anyone doing anything for me; I did a Lot of things for myself, including my homework. I was consistently on [[honor roll|Honor Roll]]. Forgive me if my posts were not being considered "Normal" to you, but my life is what it is, and [[Honest Content|I am usually honest about details.]] NOBODY is happy or mentally sound 24/7/365. EVERYONE in this world has their own Mental Problems, No Matter What or Who. And frankly, I feel pissed off that you would judge me still for that ONE drawing that I had already elaborated on to make sure it had not been taken out of context. And [[Mimms]] is not to be trusted. If he really wanted to help me, he would have never EVER taken my photograph in [[2007]] and make mockery of me!

For everyone's information, I wanted to locate [[Tiffany Gowen]], because I wanted and needed my closest friend to talk to and find closure; I am Lonely and Sad! I went well out of my way to gather towards bringing everyone together for the reunion; I put a lot of the pure goodness I had felt in my my heart and soul into that work. Now I find out everyone was nice to me not for the sake of friendship or that they liked me, but because of sorry feelings!

I was mainstreamed throughout my education; [[Chris and reality|it had worked out well for me.]] I could be a lot worse off. I am not certain pity friendships are for the better for anyone, but real [[My_Little_Pony|friendships really are magic]] and healing, or at least they're supposed to be.

Well, now I know where I stand — :`( feeling very sad.}}

Chris later added:

{{quotebox|This makes me so sad, I actually considered suicide. The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that [[Chris and religion|premature death leaves one in Limbo]]. I am really hurt, and I feel emotionally paralyzed and numb. It all hurts.}}

===Chris is an emotional zombie===
[[File:Chriszombie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|New profile pic for 31 October--Chris is an emotional zombie.]]
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Well, I am emotionally dead again. Now I wander with more blankness and lack of purpose.

I'm coming after your soul as an emotional zombie. Boo. - :`( feeling sad.}}

Chris rehashed this theme with a new [[Halloween]]-themed profile pic.

===Chris Will Only Accept Your Apologies In Person===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
If anyone wants to sincerely apologize to me or actually offer anything even remotely positive to me, come to my house at [[14 Branchland Court]] in Ruckersville, Virginia; I don't take emails, phone calls or whatnot; those can be faked.}}

===PLEASE UNDO IT!===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Look, Whoever reported me just now, PLEASE UNDO IT! I was typing a message to [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Marie Quarles]] asking her if the recent email applied to her as well.}}

==Posts by Chris's Friends==
On 4 October 2013 [[William Elliott Waterman]] changed his profile picture:

{{quotebox|4 October 2013

[[File:William Elliott Waterman.jpg|thumb]]}}

Chris was not happy with what he saw:

{{quotebox|7 October 2013

not funny; why are you [[Chris and his Ego|trying to look like me?]]}}

To which Waterman responded:

{{quoteboxred|7 October 2013

What do you mean? This is just the way I look, Chris}}

==eBay Selling Feed==
{{incomplete}}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

October 2013 Facebook Posts

2024-06-03T13:23:24Z

Sorades: /* Reality Comes Knocking */ Wrote Tiffany in brackets. Chris' subsequent response gave the identity away.

[[File:Oct 13 profile pic.png|thumb|500px|center|Chris's new Facebook profile photo, a Lego self-portrait, uploaded 13 October 2013.]]

The following covers Chris's [[Facebook]] activity in [[October 2013]].
[[File:Oct 13 cover photo.png|thumb|right|500px|Chris's new cover photo, a Lego version of that evil bitch Megan.]]
==Summary==
* 2 October - Chris makes a series of [[random-access humor]] posts.
* 3 October - Chris posts an angry rant directed at [[Megan]].
* 4 October - Chris continues to express his rage about Megan.
* 5 October - Chris responds to an email purportedly from Megan, and beats her up in a [[LEGO|Lego]] showdown.
* 7 October - Chris is raising money for a children's hospital.
* 8 October - Chris has potentially found a new place to play [[Pokémon]].
* 11 October - Chris announces that someone is using his name maliciously.
* 13 October - Chris has reached his fundraising goal.
* 14 October - Chris is having jaw problems and begs for a woman to save him from his miserable life.
* 15 October - Chris reviews a [[McDonald's]] product.
* 17-18 October - Chris claims to have received gifts from [[trolls|fans]].
* 28 October - Chris demands that the trolls stop snooping into his private Facebook posts.
* 30 October - Chris is shocked to discover that his [[high school]] [[gal-pals]] only pretended to be his friends out of pity.
* 31 October - Chris is still crushed by this news and requests apologies from those who have wronged him.

==Status Updates==
===Wacky random-access humor!===
On 2 October 2013 Chris made a series of [[random-access humor]] posts. According to Facebook, these were all posted near one of the locations called [[wikipedia:Clover Hill, Virginia|Clover Hill, Virginia]], but it is not clear which one exactly:

{{quotebox|Basement Rats and Free Hats! We don't have either one. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Muck stuck icky bickie boo boo boom.<nowiki>~~~~~~~~~~</nowiki> - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Carrots are good for your eyes; can it dial a phone?" - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|I once knew a man from Nantucket, who had on his head a stupid bucket. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|There once was a nose from Pocanose, but then it ran away to Snotsville. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|Oh, look. There's a hippo on my head. I'm flat as a paper. Don't just stand there; write a letter on me. "Dear sir, Hello. Buck Williams. - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"I'm upside-down in a car, driving my way to the grocery store" "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot" "Stop saying "Root-De-Doot-De-Doot;" that's my bit, get your own." "Okay, how about Spling-pling-bling-bing-slee-de-lee-dee." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|"Slimerr." "Whaat?" "I'm gonna bust your ass." "Nooooooooooo!" "Ha-Ha." - feeling dumb}}

{{quotebox|When your mind is a blank, the repeated stupidities really drive you insane, and it is boring! - feeling dumb}}

===Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born===
{{quotebox|3 October 2013
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Megan Schroeder]]!<nowiki>**</nowiki>

You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, [[Trolls]], [[The GAMe PLACe|PLace]] People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with [[Megagi La Skunk]]; [[Chris and reality|she feels deep distrust in you]]. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your [[Sailor Megtune]] powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! [[Sailor Moon|Usagi and the Sailor Scouts]] would have been most ashamed of you.

You need to pay me what you owe for [[Chris and hypocrisy|Destroying Me, My Heart, My Soul, and My Life]] with your ungratefulness to [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|my past loyalty and devotion]]. You played me for a fool for Years, making me spend and spend on you with borrowed [[Chris and money|money]]! You continuously had [[Mimms]] an everyone else online humiliate me! I can not ever find employment now, because my background check has been made null and void with Your Damn Internet Troll Army! You would not even accept the Copies of the Uncut SM series I had burned for you! You conned me into giving you my Original DVDs. It is as if I was swindled into bargain basement, counterfeit imported crap. I poured my heart for you, and you break the glass pitcher the essence was stored in.

You need to pay me what you greatly owe me for Destroying Me! And I not or you and your army, stressing us out, [[Bob|my father]] would still be alive today! Face Me In Person and settle our Long Heated Rivalry and Domestic Hatred, NOW!!! :( -feeling angry.}}

Chris immediately posted two more comments:

{{quotebox|And by the way, [[Chris and religion|I pray]] you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch]] and the [[Michael Snyder|Bastard]]! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!}}
{{quotebox|NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!}}

===Apologize or else===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the [[CWCki|Cwcki]], its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking [[Internet]] is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT [[Ban|BANNED]] FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female [[Sweetheart]] for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.}}

===GAMe PLACe revelations===
{{quotebox|4 October 2013
Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs on to me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "[[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; His Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my [[homosexual]] fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!"

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to [[curse]] and haunt you with my father at my side.}}

Immediately afterwards Chris posted:

{{quotebox|NOBODY COMMENT OR EMAIL ME! I want HER to contact me In Person and Face to Face!}}

===The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand===
After his previous post, Chris was emailed by a person purporting to be Megan, and responded:

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
The Queen Bee has finally showed her hand. If she was so innocent of causing my grief online the past six years, she would have not told me the name of the nearby friendly neighborhood webmaster of a Troll that could "take some stuff down" from the internet.}}

{{quoteboxred|From: Megan Schroeder

To: Christian Weston Chandler

Re: "Outstanding Community Member" my ass and foot.

October 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM

I DIDN'T CONSPIRE TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE! You did that enough on your own! With your ridiculous webcomic and your "war" against ED. As for the touching thing, I don't like being touched by men who aren't in a relationship with me. And all those things you did for me? I thought you did that because we were friends, and I was gratefull! Do you know how much of your crap I put up with? The touching, the rants, the being creepy...all that! And I didn't fake romance, that was real. Christopher wasn't gay and how did that send you into mental shock? Did you believe I was yours or something? You were already an internet phenomenon loooong before I ever came into the picture. I never set up that ED page, it wasn't me who told Mimms and Lucas to do stuff, I didn't get you banned from the store, and I sure as Hell am not responsible for the death of your father! Do you know how bad that picture made me feel? It scared the Hell out of me! You are the one who should apologize! Didn't you consider me a "sweetheart"? Well, for all your other "sweethearts", you made those stupid videos. So if I still mean so damn much to you, why don't you make a video apologizing to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll consider e-mailing Lucas and telling him to take some stuff down.}}

===Lego Soul Calibur Showdown===
Chris posted 28 photos which presumably tell a narrative of an epic showdown. He then changed his profile picture and cover photo to fit the theme.

{{quotebox|5 October 2013
Me versus Megan Schroeder; [[Soul Calibur]] style with Tag Team.

<center><gallery>
File:Meganfight 1.jpg
File:Meganfight 2.jpg
File:Meganfight 3.jpg
File:Meganfight 4.jpg
File:Meganfight 5.jpg
File:Meganfight 6.jpg
File:Meganfight 7.jpg
File:Meganfight 8.jpg
File:Meganfight 9.jpg
File:Meganfight 10.jpg
File:Meganfight 11.jpg
File:Meganfight 12.jpg
File:Meganfight 13.jpg
File:Meganfight 14.jpg
File:Meganfight 15.jpg
File:Meganfight 16.jpg
File:Meganfight 17.jpg
File:Meganfight 18.jpg
File:Meganfight 19.jpg
File:Meganfight 20.jpg
File:Meganfight 21.jpg
File:Meganfight 22.jpg
File:Meganfight 23.jpg
File:Meganfight 24.jpg
File:Meganfight 25.jpg
File:Meganfight 26.jpg
File:Meganfight 27.jpg
File:Meganfight 28.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

===Children's hospitals videos===
{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/8vYDB8fojP PlayStation and Extra Life Team Up For Children's Hospitals}}

and:

{{quotebox|6 October 2013
I'm supporting @CMNHospitals through @ExtraLife4Kids! http://t.co/QwohGHw5dT via @DonorDrive}}

===Chris is fundraising===
{{quotebox|7 October 2013
I just raised 37 dollars towards the 200 goal; please, Give me the reason to play on for 25 Hours on November 2nd.}}

===Pony music===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I Am Octavia <nowiki>[Titanium Parody] ~ EileMonty [Feat; Nowacking & WildCards]</nowiki> - listening to Eilemonty.}}

===New Pokémon place===
{{quotebox|8 October 2013
I may have found a new place, or otherwise an old League that has Moved, to go to for [[pokemon|Pok'emon]] TCG League Friday Nights. Located at [[UVA]]. Tell No One I am considering this. Comments are welcome.}}
{{quotebox|http://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/<ref>([https://web.archive.org/web/20180807173559/https://jeffersongym.wordpress.com/ archive])</ref>}}

[[William Elliott Waterman]] remarked:

{{quoteboxred|I'd love to join these if they were about the nintendo handheld games instead of the card games.}}

Another friend added:

{{quoteboxgreen|Oh man, so jealous! I wish they had one around here. Do you think they play regulation? Looks like some leadership opportunity, too. :)}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|they play both the cards and the (3)DS}}

===Chris is not in the Phillippines===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013

<nowiki>**Announcement**</nowiki>

Someone is pretending to be me in Spoofing and has been spamming the message screen capped below to a lot of people; likely those in my contact list on my AOL account.

Mainly, I have not ever been to the Phillipines; I am still in [[Ruckersville]], VA; financial issues for real right here and now are irrelevant, and I am not in any trouble with any police or "embassy". Whoever is pretending to be me in this spoof attempt needs to stop or be stopped.

And in any case, please disregard the message if you have received it. — :( feeling pissed off.}}

===Fundraising update===
{{quotebox|11 October 2013
We got 142/200 dollars in the pot for UVA Children's Hospital; Please, at least 58 more towards my twenty-five hour gaming marathon portion. And more beyond that would still be much appreciated for the children.

http://t.co/f7kVChupfo}}

===Fundraising goal reached===
{{quotebox|13 October 2013
We've reached over the 200 Dollar Mark by 8; Thank you everyone who donated. More donations will be accepted and appreciated by UVA Medical Center. I will start my 25 Hour Gameathon at Midnight EST, November 2, 2013, with the rest of the gamers!}}

===More charity "work"===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
I just supported Play games. Heal kids. Nov. 2 on @ThunderclapIt // @ExtraLife4Kids http://t.co/vJPvhVKox0}}

===Jaw problems and a plea for rescue===
{{quotebox|14 October 2013
Two Things: 1) [[Chris and health|My jaw started squeaking]] an airy jig when I chew food. Internet search finds me with a TSJ disorder. [[Barb|My mother]] stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the low finances here and shit!!! It is no wonder I ended up with jaw clenching towards TSJD.

Second) I am considering online meeting women. And right now, I need a Hero of a Woman to get me out of this mental hell hole of a fate I am forced to live at home. Blessing count: roof over my head, compassionate, sweet [[Clover and Snoopy|beagle dogs]], hobby pursuit, whatnot. My mother and the trolls and [[God]] are all giving me grief and [[stress]]. My mother is a good person, but when she goes on and on and on about the bad news, rearranges things, yelling at me, talking down to me, I feel bothered.

Some Woman! Please Help Me! - :( feeling stressed.}}

[[Kim]] asked:

{{quoteboxgreen|Have you gone to a doctor?}}

Chris responded:

{{quotebox|I will be seeing my physician later today about my TSJ problem.}}

===BOLDY SPICY!===
{{quotebox|15 October 2013
I just had a 5 piece Mighty Wing at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], with honey mustard; I had a sauce-free bite first. At the Forest Lakes location at least, there is a reason for offering a large drink free with 5 piece purchase. BOLDY SPICY!! They would do just as well offering a milk jug or two with purchase. They should make t-shirts: "I Survived the McD Mighty Wings!"}}
{{quotebox|Also, I just had my [[obesity|weight]] checked; lost seven pounds; now at 211.}}

===A "Present"===
{{quotebox|17 October 2013
[[File:Delorean.png|thumb|left]]
Hey, look at the latest in Troll/"Fan" Presents: a Lego DeLorean. It was fun to build it. Thank you. - :D feeling amused.}}

But Kim was suspicious:

{{quoteboxgreen|Huh, I think I might be misunderstanding you. So, a troll gave you the idea for this and you bought the kit and made it?

Where did you buy it? Did you get a good deal on it?}}

Chris replied:

{{quotebox|No, a troll purchased and sent me the kit as a gift from Amazon.}}

Kim was not convinced:

{{quoteboxgreen|Aww c'mon, don't bullshit me. No they didn't. Where'd you get it?}}

Chris didn't answer.

===Another "Present"===
{{quotebox|18 October 2013
[[File:Great pumpkin.png|thumb|right]]
Someone else sent me a present; a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Amazon must be their favorite place to shop online.}}

Kim again called him out:

{{quoteboxgreen|But no one sent you this as a present either. I don't get what this post is about. Could you explain it?}}

Chris remained silent.

===Respect my privacy===
After the September 2013 Facebook leak on the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris posted the following:

{{quotebox|28 October 2013
Announcement: Attention Everyone: Whoever has been capping and discussing my private posts, Please Stop It. I have no intention towards anything online, and my private thoughts I share Only with my Real Friends in my List Only should remain Private as such. And I have not been whining about anyone, so please stop bothering people and telling them that I had. I will never be a member of anything about and/or against me online Ever, so any "kind offers" will be automatically rejected and ignored.

In other words, Leave Me Alone and Quit Talking About Me At All, you pinheaded Trolls!!!}}

===Reality Comes Knocking===
Chris has received messages from people purporting to be his high school gal-pals. According to [[Thetan]], one of the trolls known for doing this, the text in the red box was quoted from an actual email from one of the gal-pals.

{{quotebox|30 October 2013

I had long thought I was liked genuinely as a person in [[Manchester High School]] by my closest [[gal pals]] and everyone else. Now I am shocked to hear that everyone was my friend, because they felt sorry for me.

Let me share a couple of recent emails from one of my friends. I am not doing this to be mean, cruel or bad, but it really hurts me emotionally.}}

{{quoteboxred|A lot of us were surprised, even shocked to see how much Christian had changed from the way we remembered him in high school. He was just this awkward, slightly-odd, shy kid back then. A lot of the [[Slow-in-the-minds|Special Ed kids]] got picked on but, [[Chris and his ego|for some reason]], Christian seemed to get it much worse than the others. _____ and _____ I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a [[Naïve|lost little boy]]. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems [[Affair with Mother|a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to [[My big 18th party|his 18th birthday party]].

_____ and _____ weren't so much friends of Christian's, as they were his protectors. Some kids used to mess with him and steal his stuff. These kids were constantly teasing Christian and picking on him, doing whatever they could to get some kind of reaction out of him. Mostly Christian just cried or ran away. I don't think I can remember a time where he tried to stand up to the bullies. He seemed to prefer to have other people do that for him.

No, I don't really follow Christian's activity on [[Facebook]]. I'm actually not on his friends list, for reasons I'd rather not discuss with someone I don't really know that well (no offense). I know a lot of the people that are on his friends list, and they mostly ignore him. He's basically background noise. The only time they really notice his posts is when he tags them. Some of the stuff he posts is kind of bizarre and disturbing, which is the main reason why I decided I didn't want to have any contact with him.

I'm also really creeped out that he's still obsessed with _____(Tiffany) and he's actively looking for her. She is well aware of this and she's taken steps to make sure that she's VERY hard, if not impossible, to find. Yes, I've been in touch with her, but I don't feel that I have her permission to pass along her contact information. I'll pass along your email address though, if that's OK. That way, she can contact you if she wants to.

A lot of people became friends with Christian because of the reunion and also, because a lot of them still felt sorry for him. Some people are having second thoughts though, after seeing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|that awful picture]] he drew of [[Megan Schroeder|his friend]]. A lot of people stopped feeling sorry for him and started ignoring him after they saw that. I was shocked that he could draw something so gross and depraved. The "thumbs up" sign really pissed me off for some reason. The whole thing was very sexist, disrespectful, and, above all - damn creepy.

I have my suspicions about who may have leaked Christian's Facebook posts, but I'd rather not say, because I don't want to be involved in this. Christian accused this person of "leaking" the full list of classmates from our graduating class. Christian contacted some of his MHS friends and tried to make trouble. He told them to give this guy a hard time for what he did. His friends weren't amused. Anyway, I don't think Christian has anything to worry about. He's not friends with this guy anymore.}}

{{Quotebox|Once again, Not to be mean, cruel or bad:

I did not mean to sound cruel; I had thought you all were my friends for the sake of friendship, not for pity.

Really? REALLY?! You all thought of me as weak from first and outside impressions? For your information, I was not picked on as much as I am interpreting your exaggeration. If I was picked on as much as stated, I would have had wedgies, I would have been pestered in the Locker Room, I would have been shoved into a locker, etc., and NONE of those things have ever happened to me at all. I never expected any "protection" from anyone, and I looked up to you all as my Friends, Never like mothers. Oh, my god. I had no preference to anyone doing anything for me; I did a Lot of things for myself, including my homework. I was consistently on [[honor roll|Honor Roll]]. Forgive me if my posts were not being considered "Normal" to you, but my life is what it is, and [[Honest Content|I am usually honest about details.]] NOBODY is happy or mentally sound 24/7/365. EVERYONE in this world has their own Mental Problems, No Matter What or Who. And frankly, I feel pissed off that you would judge me still for that ONE drawing that I had already elaborated on to make sure it had not been taken out of context. And [[Mimms]] is not to be trusted. If he really wanted to help me, he would have never EVER taken my photograph in [[2007]] and make mockery of me!

For everyone's information, I wanted to locate [[Tiffany Gowen]], because I wanted and needed my closest friend to talk to and find closure; I am Lonely and Sad! I went well out of my way to gather towards bringing everyone together for the reunion; I put a lot of the pure goodness I had felt in my my heart and soul into that work. Now I find out everyone was nice to me not for the sake of friendship or that they liked me, but because of sorry feelings!

I was mainstreamed throughout my education; [[Chris and reality|it had worked out well for me.]] I could be a lot worse off. I am not certain pity friendships are for the better for anyone, but real [[My_Little_Pony|friendships really are magic]] and healing, or at least they're supposed to be.

Well, now I know where I stand — :`( feeling very sad.}}

Chris later added:

{{quotebox|This makes me so sad, I actually considered suicide. The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that [[Chris and religion|premature death leaves one in Limbo]]. I am really hurt, and I feel emotionally paralyzed and numb. It all hurts.}}

===Chris is an emotional zombie===
[[File:Chriszombie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|New profile pic for 31 October--Chris is an emotional zombie.]]
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Well, I am emotionally dead again. Now I wander with more blankness and lack of purpose.

I'm coming after your soul as an emotional zombie. Boo. - :`( feeling sad.}}

Chris rehashed this theme with a new [[Halloween]]-themed profile pic.

===Chris Will Only Accept Your Apologies In Person===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
If anyone wants to sincerely apologize to me or actually offer anything even remotely positive to me, come to my house at [[14 Branchland Court]] in Ruckersville, Virginia; I don't take emails, phone calls or whatnot; those can be faked.}}

===PLEASE UNDO IT!===
{{quotebox|31 October 2013
Look, Whoever reported me just now, PLEASE UNDO IT! I was typing a message to [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Marie Quarles]] asking her if the recent email applied to her as well.}}

==Posts by Chris's Friends==
On 4 October 2013 [[William Elliott Waterman]] changed his profile picture:

{{quotebox|4 October 2013

[[File:William Elliott Waterman.jpg|thumb]]}}

Chris was not happy with what he saw:

{{quotebox|7 October 2013

not funny; why are you [[Chris and his Ego|trying to look like me?]]}}

To which Waterman responded:

{{quoteboxred|7 October 2013

What do you mean? This is just the way I look, Chris}}

==eBay Selling Feed==
{{incomplete}}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

ShecameforCWC.JPG

2024-05-26T18:40:34Z

Sorades: /* Epilogue */

{{Honest}}
{{quote|And by the way, that is not [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] whose eyes are censored; that is [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]!|[[Chris]]'s [[CWC's Second Message|second message]]}}

[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|"Your sister has cum for me."]]

'''ShecameforCWC.JPG''' is a [[Rule 34]] picture that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] drew as part of a campaign to fight [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] by "replacing negativity with positivity."<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref> It portrays Chris using his hand to stimulate a naked [[Megan Schroeder]]'s vagina to the point of orgasm (indicated by [[Masturbating and squirtin'|squirt lines]]) while he gives a thumbs-up. Arguably the most scandalous of all of [[Chris and art|Chris's artistic canon]], this single image managed to invoke much drama. It was the straw that permanently destroyed the already dying friendship between Chris and Megan, and the consequences of uploading it online have continued to face him for years afterward. In fact, it's entirely conceivable that the targeted effort to troll Chris may have simply faded away had he ''not'' edited the page repeatedly and uploaded this image to Encyclopedia Dramatica. Doing so demonstrated how easy it was to [[Chris and manipulation|manipulate]] Chris, and as such, put blood in the water for [[trolls]] for years to come.

At first, people believed the picture to be of his imaginary twin sister Crystal, which was not helped by the initial caption that Chris provided. In order to defend his fictional sister's honor, Chris edited the article to confirm that it was in fact Megan.<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on the 18th March 2008.]]</ref> He also angrily decried these scurrilous rumors in the [[Madman Rising]] video, shouting that it was Megan, defeating the purpose of censoring her eyes to hide her identity. While this is less disturbing than Chris wanting to have an incestuous relationship with his own fictitious twin sister, it is notably creepy that it is of his only friend, with whom he had no romantic or sexual relationship (no matter how much he tried, anyway).

Megan was understandably disturbed when she figured out the truth behind the image, which she figured out on her own. As it stands, she had made it perfectly clear to Chris that she had no romantic feelings for him and that she wanted to remain "just friends"; in the aftermath, she was so disgusted that she severed ties with Chris. Since the release of the picture, Chris has flip-flopped from taking responsibility for making the image to blaming the trolls and even blaming Megan herself, or some combination of these things.

==Background==
When Chris first discovered the ED page, he was disturbed by the number of images depicting his female characters (mostly [[Rosechu]]) with [[Pickle|penises]] on the site, along with general [[Homos|gay porn]] of his characters and himself. Chris then decided that the best response would be to replace these images with images of things that Chris likes as a means of "replacing negativity with positivity." He thought that uploading pictures of his fictional characters fucking and a drawing of himself fingering his not-girlfriend would counteract the perceived homosexuality prevalent on the ED page.<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref>

He also ignorantly believed that spamming large edits on the page (what he referred to as an "information overload") would overwhelm the trolls and scare them into deleting it. On 11 November [[2007]], along with [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#11 November|adding large walls of text detailing his own personal life]], Chris uploaded several new, original images to ED, including ShecameforCWC.JPG. Some of these pictures were duplicated on the page to further the "overload" plot. These were pornographic drawings of several romantic pairings from the comics, made for this exact purpose. The sole exception, of course, was with ShecameforCWC.JPG, which depicted real people. Chris wrote a relationship between himself and Megan in the comics as wish fulfillment, so we can assume Chris was imagining this from the very beginning. This is made even more likely when Chris admitted to Megan sometime after she discovered the picture that he probably would have sexually advanced on her had he not done the drawing.<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED]]</ref> This supposed need to suppress his sexual advances ironically hinted at [[Chris and sex#Incest|what was to come]] more than a decade later. All of the images that Chris posted were varying degrees of horrifying, but ShecameforCWC.JPG proved to be the most appalling, leaving [[trolls]] in total shock.

Ironically, these behaviors, compounded with Chris's apparent obliviousness as to why this picture hurt his friend, [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|among]] [[The GAMe PLACe|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|things]], only showcased his child-like view of the world, and just how easy he was to manipulate. Thus, it isn't hard to see why he became such an easy target to trolls in the following years to come – since it only took some perverted "fan" art to upset Chris, others got to thinking about what else could be done to push his buttons.

==Analysis==
[[File:ShecameforCWCanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomical analysis]]

This image is held in such regard for being a shining example of Chris's art style. The drawing showcases many major problems with Chris's artistic abilities:

*Chris clearly attempted to foreshorten Megan in this image, given how he draws her legs significantly longer and her head smaller than the rest of her body, but the lack of depth perception and proportion makes her look as flat as the paper she was drawn on.
*He also shows a complete [[Biology|unfamiliarity with human anatomy]]. Megan's legs seem to start right at the groin while her hips are directly behind them. Also, it looks like neither Chris nor Megan have elbows, joints, or even bones for that matter. What is supposed to be her foot looks like a deformed flipper. Many other glaring anatomical flaws in this picture deserve analyses of their own:
**The vagina is not one long hole and you could never do that sort of thing with a real vagina, looking like that. There is also the fact that Chris didn't draw her a crotch, and instead placed her vagina directly on her perineum.
**The vagina in question appears to be either glowing or shooting out a powerful gust of wind. Chris probably meant to convey that Megan was "wet" and/or "[[Masturbating and squirtin'|squirtin']]," but due to his own stupidity, he drew her "[[Wikipedia:Female ejaculate|cum]]" around and outside the vagina instead of coming from inside it, leading to the "Glowing Ethereal Cunt of the Ages" effect shown in the picture. He also made the vaginal fluid blue, likely to shade it in. This not only further shows his ignorance, but it also shows his inability to stay consistent with his artstyle, as he did not attempt to shade in anything else in the picture.
**Megan's body lacks any curves whatsoever. As a result of this, [[pedofork|Megan looks significantly younger]].
**Chris is somehow reaching over his left shoulder with his right hand despite the fact that his right elbow remains near his side, creating an effect straight out of [[Wikipedia:M. C. Escher|M. C. Escher]]'s darkest nightmares. Due to the perspective of Chris's forearm, his forearm is either very floppy and bent backward towards Megan, or Chris's hand is actually nowhere near his partner's parts.
**Both of Megan's arms also appear to each have six fingers, two of which are haphazardly redrawn to look like nipples. As a result of this, Megan's right arm now looks like it's in a permanent [[Wikipedia:Vulcan salute|Vulcan salute]] from [[Star Trek]].
**Chris's right forearm is also horribly elongated in comparison to his left - If this version of Chris were to be viewed from the front, his right arm would probably drag along the ground. His left thumb is also unrealistically large compared to the rest of his hand.
**As a result of Chris' haphazard attempt to turn her fingers to nipples, Megan's nipples appear unnaturally pointy. Not to mention how they seem to point directly towards her face, and how her areolae are placed higher up on her breasts than they should.
**Megan's pubic hair, which was probably supposed to be a [[Wikipedia:Landing strip (pubic hair)|landing strip]], in this drawing bears a slight resemblance to [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s mustache (coincidentally, Megan had a fetish for German soldiers). It is also quite far up on her body, and looks like some kind of messed-up [[Wikipedia:Abdominal hair|happy trail]] instead of pubic hair.
**Chris's head is deformed and oval-shaped, and his eyes appear to be set very far up his skull, being where most people's hairlines or eyebrows should be. This can be ascertained with the fact that Chris appears to have drawn himself hastily - Even in some of Chris's earlier artworks, he depicted himself with something resembling an actual jawline, but not here.
*The way Chris drew Megan's hands is a prime example of how Chris habitually does all of his drawings in one fell swoop without any planning or revisions. Megan's nipples looks at first to be extra fingers, suggesting that Chris messed up (more than usual) while drawing the hands and decided to turn them into nipples. Chris also appeared to tacked on her thumbs directly afterward.
*Chris pays close attention to the parts that interest him, namely genitalia and breasts, yet had to squeeze in a tiny head, most likely because he started with the former and realized "Oh, she needs a face." He also shows clear attention to his [[Medallion of Fail]], his [[heterochromia]], etc.
*Note the retarded pun, a reinforcement of Chris's narcissism, that when a woman orgasms, it's for his sake and not her own pleasure (as he titled it "''She''came''For''CWC," emphasis added). The smug look he has on his face as he gives a thumbs up while fingering her seals the deal. He's also wearing his [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] medallion while fingering a woman. He stated that ideally, he'd like to be wearing his medallion for his first time.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#My first time|Chris Sex Logs]]</ref>
*There is the fact that the girl in the drawing is his best and only friend, Megan, and he sees nothing wrong with it other than the fact that it's on the Internet where she (and millions of others) can see it.

==Drama==
[[File:MeganBrotherTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Megan reminisces about learning of the picture and explains Chris's mysterious caption.]]
===With ED===

When Chris first uploaded the image to ED, he captioned it "Your sister has cum for me." Exactly what he meant here was long disputed, but it had the unintended effect of leading ED's users to widely conclude that the picture represented ''Chris's'' sister, the fictional character Crystal (given the nature of [[Chris and art|Chris’s artwork]], any two females with long brown hair are easily mistaken for each other). "Your sister" suggests that the message is addressed to Megan's brother [[John Schroeder]], but why Chris would want to incorporate Megan's brother into his sexual fantasies is anyone's guess. Megan would one day shed light on this by explaining that Chris's caption was, indeed, directed at her brother because he believed at the time that John was the mastermind behind the trolling campaign on ED.

Over the next few months, the image was removed and replaced a few times over the course of Chris's simmering edit war against ED. It didn’t become a serious hot potato until [[March 2008]], however, when Megan discovered the picture and learned that it was meant to be a picture of her. (Chris, not realizing that it would probably be better to cut his losses and let the trolls believe that he wanted to screw his imaginary sister, spilled the beans himself, [[List of Chris's lies|but not before first attempting to lie to her about how it was a picture of Crystal]].) In between bombarding Megan with apologies via e-mail, he went on a desperate campaign to remove the image from his ED page, which naturally was an unsuccessful effort.

Chris spent most of a week trying to remove the image, trying to delete references to Megan from the article, trying to erase random bits of the article in order to camouflage his real intentions, and otherwise failing to realize that once something goes up on a wiki, you can’t make it come back down. Amazingly, he even tried to replace the image with a [[:File:TomTomCloseup.jpg|cropped version]] which just involved the vagina, as though Megan were only angry about her and Chris's facial features being depicted and would be satisfied if the image just showed his hand disappearing up her radiant quim. ED admins quickly reverted his edits and eventually protected the page once it was obvious that Chris was up to something.

On 18 March, Chris admitted defeat in his own disturbing way, and edited the image’s caption — as well as several other captions around the article — to make it clear that the woman depicted is Megan, not Crystal, to at least protect his own honor by indicating that he was not into [[Chris and sex#Incest|committing incest]] ([[Affair with Mother|at least not yet]]), even if, in the process, he was demonstrably perfectly okay with drawing pornography of a friend who did not reciprocate any romantic feelings that he had. Over the next few days, he made a number of other [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|self-deprecating and self-pitying changes and additions to the page with a series of images and captions]], in an attempt to further barter with the trolls, before giving up on editing ED for six months.

===With Megan===
[[File:MeganGoodEnding.jpeg|thumb|Chris providing Megan with a real gift.]]
By 12 March 2008, Megan had discovered the full extent of what Chris had written and drawn about her around the Internet, particularly the fact that she'd starred in his cartoon fantasy porn. While failing to get the image off the ED page over the next several days, Chris sent her a series of messages trying to put out the fire.

Some of his attempts to "explain" the image to Megan are downright bizarre. It's hard to do justice to the [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Chris_apologizes_for_something.2C_what_could_it_be.3F|original e-mails]]. At one point, he seemed to think Megan was offended because she didn't understand the action on display, and went off on a frighteningly awkward explanation of what a handjob is. In another e-mail, Chris confirmed the suspicion of many trolls — that he had entertained thoughts of sexually assaulting Megan.

{{quote|If I didn't have the foresight to put my pent-up frustrations and feelings in the form of something, I might have become an abusive maniac...|Chris, [[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris_continues_bothering_her_about_ED|e-mail to Megan, 18 March 2008]]}}

Generally, Chris's "apologies" are a classic display of his insensitivity and [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]] in action. He shows little [[Chris and remorse|remorse]] for creating and publishing the image while offering plenty of woe-is-me whining about the ED bullies. In a message from 18 March, he actually had the gall to tell Megan that no matter how bad she might be feeling, he himself has definitely got it worse.

After sending several messages and receiving little in the way of a response from Megan, Chris appeared to have given up on winning back her trust, which coincided with the slackening of his campaign to remove the image from ED and the increasingly self-hating tone of his edits there. On 23 March, Megan finally sent him two brief replies to the effect of "leave me alone." Those mark the end of the active drama over the image. Chris stopped editing ED around the same time.

As a coda to the fiasco, Chris tried once more to repair his relationship with Megan about a month later, sending a message with a mix of everyday news and creepy stalkerish longing. Given some time to consider the implications of his earlier messages, especially the parts where he brought up the prospect of raping her, Megan slammed the door shut, saying "I'm afraid I can't trust you anymore." This remains their last known communication.

It is debatable how dramatic was the effect of ShecameforCWC on Chris's relationship with Megan. While it is beyond dispute that Megan severed all contact with Chris due to said image, it might be that she was already trying to avoid his presence prior to discovering he had drawn cartoon porn of her.

[[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]'s account of Chris's time at the [[The GAMe PLACe]] indicates that Megan was avoiding Chris before finding out about ShecameforCWC. According to Mimms "Megan would usually stand/hide behind me and Lucas to avoid [Chris], '''especially after the drawings of her got leaked''' [emphasis added]."<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Initial post]]</ref> It's not exactly clear if "leaked" Mimms refers to the drawing being uploaded online, the drawing being found by Megan or something else. Regardless, in the rest of their discussion of Megan, Mimms and Lucas make no mentions of ShecameforCWC and seem to exclusively attribute Megan's withdrawal from Chris to his unwanted romantic advances.<ref>[[The GAMe PLACe#Chris and Megan]]</ref>

==Epilogue==
{{quote|It was Wishful Thinking.|Chris, describing his motive for drawing ShecameforCWC, [[Rejected Mailbag]]}}

[[File:Christine Weston Chandler’s Lot Of 32 Porn Drawings 01.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The pieces of ShecameforCWC.]]

Chris's [[remorse]] turned out, not surprisingly, to be fake as he went and reuploaded the picture for his sleazy [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], citing the fact he needed "sexy images."<ref>[[Mumble 9.5|Mumble Chat 9.5]]</ref> The pain he caused a female friend means nothing compared to his lust for e-fame. The original drawing itself was said to be ripped up and stored in the [[Crumple-Lope]].<ref>[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]</ref> Chris's [[Scrapbook of Fail|scrapbook]] with the Crumple-Lope inside surprisingly survived the [[2014 house fire]].

Years later, the consequences of drawing ShecameforCWC are still being felt by Chris. In an e-mail sent to [[Thetan]] around October 2013 by a former high school [[gal-pal]] of Chris's, the gal-pal revealed that she was so sickened and repulsed by the imagery (in particular, Chris's "thumbs up" gesture) that she had no desire to ever speak to Chris again, and noted that she was not the only one of Chris's former high school classmates who felt that way.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

On 4 November 2013, Chris put out a statement saying he regretted drawing ShecameforCWC.jpg, stating that he destroyed the original drawing and "do[es] not possess any image files of the thing." He also stated he forgave Megan, Snyder, and Walsh.<ref>[[November 2013 Facebook Posts#That Dang Drawing]]</ref>

Prompted by reading a fancomic about him, in which a scene is devoted to Megan's reaction to ShecameforCWC, Chris commented:

{{quote|How Could they have been mutual after that, Period?! And now, despite the Original Piece being Totally Torn apart, it still reappears to haunt me. When will that symbol of my sin of lust be long forgotten? Soon, I pray. I continue to Repent.|Chris, January 2018<ref>[[January 2018 tweets]]</ref>}}

[[File:CWC MAGfest panel audience2.jpg|thumb|right|200px|ShecameforCWC being discussed at the CWC panel at [[MAGfest]].]]

Due to the [[Financhu Crisis]], Chris offered ShecameforCWC and other porn artwork for sale for $1,000 in April 2018 on [[eBay]], where the set quickly sold the next day to the [[Teen Troon Squad]]. Chris just chopped the drawing up into little squares it could easily be reassembled from, rather than truly destroying it. This, combined with Chris wanting to make money off of it, casts yet more doubt over Chris feeling any sort of remorse from drawing it.

{{quote|[My] real reason for drawing that Came piece was out of frustration [I] was subconsciously feeling from Megan continually playing [me] on and on and making [me] spend money for Megan.|Chris, September 2020, blaming Megan for his porn drawing<ref name=meganobsession>[[The Place chats - Megan Obsession]]</ref>}}

In a [[September 2020]] chat with [[The Place]], Chris claimed that his classic excuse of having drawn ShecameforCWC out of "wishful thinking" was only "partly true", then proclaimed that the real reason was out of anger at Megan for her habit of asking him to buy stuff on her behalf from eBay (usually in exchange for trading items such as manga).<ref name=meganobsession></ref> Chris also highlighted his anger at having traded a Zune music player to Megan, which suggests he believes that Megan's dignity was worth at least the price of a Zune. Chris's blaming of Megan for both his own simp behavior and his decision to draw porn of her again cements his lack of genuine remorse over ShecameforCWC.

==See also==
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] - Chris graduates from a handjob to an all-out rockstar orgy. His drawing style hasn't improved.

==Sources==
<references />

{{MeganSaga}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Rule 34]]
[[Category:Megan Saga]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]
[[Category:Art]]

Sweetheart

2024-05-24T11:45:14Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''7) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''8) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''9) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''10) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''11) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, while the content of his drawings is popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], normal people find it either [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] or outright [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]]. If a woman were to watch any of Chris' works, she would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and scored among a Sweetheart.

Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a middle-aged shut-in who rambles about a [[dimensional merge]] and lives off [[Tugboat|welfare]] is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Bob Chandler

2024-05-24T11:30:15Z

Sorades: /* In memoriam */

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}

{{quote|I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris, reflecting on his life prior to his father's death.<ref name=LoudNoise>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Claiming hospital staff killed Bob]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I don't believe he ever, Mr. C, any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks.|Chris, insulting Bob's memory by claiming that [[Affair with Mother|he was better at fucking]] [[Barbara Chandler|the man's wife]] [[Chris and his ego|than he ever was]].<ref>[[Incest Call]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
| image = Chrischansdad.jpg
|imagesize = 250
|aliases = Bob Bobby Mr. C [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]] [[Cole Smithey#Relationship with Barbara and Bob|Republican cur]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Gallop Crush]] Robertchu<ref>[[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris#Sonichu genealogy for Chris, Bob and Ted Bundy]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|day = 4
|month = 9
|year = 1927
|deathday = 6
|deathmonth = 9
|deathyear = 2011
|gender = Male
|nationality = [[United States|American]]
|race = White [[Count Dankula|Half-Sonichu]]<ref>Planted by [[Idea Guys#Lingering influence|Idea Guy]], mentioned in [[Count Dankula]] interview</ref>
|religion = Protestant (Methodist)
|label8 = Height
|ft = 5
|in = 7.5
|spouse = Patricia Faye Harley (1956–1980, divorce) [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Ann Weston]] (1980–2011, his death)
|children = Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler [[Christian Weston Chandler]] [[Cole Smithey]] (stepson)
|grandchildren = [[Savannah Chandler]]
|father = Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906–1977)
|mother = Jean Hollomon (1906–1945)
|education = [[wikipedia:Auburn_University|Auburn University]] ([[wikipedia:Bachelor of Electrical Engineering|BEE]]) [[wikipedia:Jacksonville_State_University|Jacksonville State University]] (did not graduate)
|occupation = Military communications Engineer Inventor
|saga = {{saga|childhood|cn}}, {{saga|greene|cn}}, {{saga|bearstein|cn}}, {{saga|julie|cn}}, {{saga|emily|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Robert "Bob" Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]] – 6 September [[2011]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180110224343/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he [[Bob Walks In|walked in]] on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, wherein he promised to cut the internet down.

Despite being estranged from his other children, and despised by his stepson for abusive behavior, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]] by Christorians, and – as far as Chris's own testimony can be trusted – he treated Chris better than any of his previous children. Bob had serious difficulties working with Chris's [[autism]], a disorder that he and his wife did not fully understand, but nonetheless, he had high hopes for his child in spite of the difficulties that he faced. Bob hoped to instill Chris with a variety of interests that reflected his own varied tastes, and he created The Dreaming Studio in their backyard in the hopes that they'd create things there (though, sadly, nothing of note was ever created there).

Because of this, Bob's popularity stems from being somewhat concerned with Chris's foolish behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's sorry life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising his son. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb, he at least made the effort, even if his attempts were futile or harmful at worst. That being said, he also encouraged Chris to ''not'' seek employment in favor of getting [[Monthly Tugboat|welfare]], even though Chris could still hold a part-time job and receive those benefits, so he's not entirely blameless for the sorry state that his son is in today, either. Not to mention that many of [[Homos|Chris's more backward]] [[Chris and race|social perspectives]] that he had in the "Classic Era" stem from his influence.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. It seems that Chris's passion for [[Honest Content]] did not fall too far from that tree, although Bob at least had a filter that his son lacks. Whether in person or over the phone, Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone. According to Chris, he was also a strong negotiator.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 6 September 2011, Bob died of complications from heart failure at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU, surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObitarchive">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> He was survived by his wife and son, who then had to become the man of the house. Chris occasionally raked in some income through commission work, though he has never looked for a serious career. Chris initially came to terms with his father's death in a conventional, healthy way, but eventually turned to a [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism where he genuinely believed that his father was alive in [[Dimensions|another dimension]] as a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] named Robertchu.

Years later in 2021, Chris would disgrace Bob's memory by repeatedly having dubiously-consensual sex with his wife in an [[Affair with Mother|incest]]-based affair, with Chris bragging that he could get Barb off better than "Mr. C" ever could. Following this incident, both were separated from the house that he maintained, with Chris jailed, Barb temporarily hospitalized before eventually returning to the residence, and the Dreaming Studio left abandoned for good.

==Biography==
Bob was born on 4:15 PM at a medical arts building in {{w|Fort Worth, Texas}},<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in {{w|Sylacauga, Alabama}}.<ref name="About">[[Date with Emily#Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)]]</ref> He was the only child of Robert Franklin "Bobby" Chandler Sr. (8 February 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/103153414/robert-franklin-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328063730/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM archive])</ref> – 27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328072547/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 archive])</ref>), an Alabamian insurance agent, and Jean Hollomon (28 March 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/5947049/jean-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328094240/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M archive])</ref> – 10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328092829/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 archive])</ref>), a Texan housewife.<ref>[[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]]</ref> Bob has eight younger half-siblings on his father's side.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref> He also mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> However, a distant relative disputed his Cherokee heritage,<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref> and his son's [[Cherokian Clan#Reality|DNA test results]] in 2018 belied any American Indian descent. It is common for white Southerners to make dubious claims to Cherokee ancestry, for a variety of historical reasons.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120042/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/10/cherokee-blood-why-do-so-many-americans-believe-they-have-cherokee-ancestry.html Slate article]</ref>

[[File:Robert Sr 1942.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|Bob's Father in 1942.]]

[[File:Bob_Chandler_1945.png|thumb|right|200px|Bob Chandler (left) as a Boy Scout in 1945.]]

Bob has said that he was, "...interested in the world," around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign [[stamps]] as a child in the [[1930s]]; his first stamp was of {{w|Michael I of Romania}}. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> About 100 or so survived the 2014 [[house fire]].<ref>[[Discord Q&A 4#Bob's record collection]]</ref>

Bob joined the [[wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts]], becoming an Eagle Scout and a Scoutmaster for over 20 years.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref>

According to Chris, Bob lost his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] at the age of 27, which would have been in 1954 or 1955.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up]]</ref>

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School lists a "Bobby Chandler" in the freshman class and glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in spring 1945 before matriculating at {{w|Auburn University}} as an aeronautical engineering major that autumn.

[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Bob apparently had knowledge that the Army desired,<ref>(Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175556/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14])</ref> was conscripted as a special draftee in 1946 and placed in the {{w|Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps}}. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School in {{w|Fort Monmouth}}, New Jersey, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. Serving until 1948, he was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal: his service number was 44107856.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120633/https://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%2520desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538%2C4652469%2C8564216%2C1000879%2C987835%2C4549799%2C991002%2C8565331%2C5188385%2C8565346]</ref> Figuring he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college, {{w|Jacksonville State Teachers College}} (now Jacksonville State University), after leaving the military. He studied pre-engineering and joined the band there for two years before returning to Auburn University, where he studied electrical engineering and graduated in 1952 with a {{w|Bachelor of Electrical Engineering}} degree.<ref>(page 269 of the 1952 yearbook)[https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175342/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] {{w|G.I. Bill}}.</ref><ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref name = "Meet">[[Date with Emily#Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was part of the band once again, was a member of {{w|Wesley Foundation}}, a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|United Methodist]] religious group; and Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
[[File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg|thumb|200px|Article on Bob's 25th anniversary at General Electric.]]

A 1946 military record included Bob's occupation while he was a student as "tinsmith, coppersmith, and sheet metal worker".

Bob worked for {{w|Western Electric}} as an engineer for 40 years, where he designed a variety of electrical subsystems, including relays, telephones and valve systems. During the 1950s, he lived in [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Winston-Salem, North Carolina]], where his father and half of his half-siblings lived for the rest of their lives. He was then offered a job by [[wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]] in [[wikipedia:Utica, New York|Utica, New York]]. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he left after three years, returning back to Winston-Salem for a few years before transferring to [[wikipedia:Roanoke, Virginia|Roanoke]] in Southwest Virginia, where he discovered his love for the mountains. In 1975, he moved to [[Richmond]], where he worked until 1980, when he was transferred to [[Charlottesville]].<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] claimed, in an email to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the {{w|Nintendo Entertainment System|NES}} "...might not have arrived so soon,"<ref name="Barbara" /> ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983, without influence from American electronics.

{{quote|Bob Chandler is one of the most creative engineers in the organization.|The General Manager at G.E.<ref>[[:File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg]]</ref>}}

Examples of Bob's accomplishments include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a vehicle logging system.<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3486009</ref> Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed controls<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3889849</ref> that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#A Word from Snorlax]]</ref>

Bob retired in 1987 at the age of 59 or 60.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris#Open Letter - December 26th, 1987]]</ref> His relatively early retirement may have been provoked by health problems, as he writes in his December 1987 [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letter to Chris]] that "I know now that I, at best, haven't much time left to share myself with you".

Bob himself was proud of his, "...natural inclination for logic," although he was, "...inundated," by all his designs and whether he did well for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

{{quote|I have been very interested in the world since I was 10 years old, and that was 70 years ago and, the, uh, I'm very fond of and I really truly believe in the United Nations, but you won't find anybody else in my countryside or around here, I think, that does. (laughing) But anyway, I'm very world conscious.|[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|Bob]]}}

Bob referred to himself as a {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}}, and he did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in {{w|United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election}}.<ref name="Prank calls"/> That said, he had misgivings about {{w|Bob McDonnell}}, the Republican candidate in the {{w|Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|2009 Virginia gubernatorial election}} and the ultimate winner of the election, possibly because of McDonnell's support for very strict anti-abortion laws, which made no exceptions for cases of rape or [[Chris and sex#incest|incest]]. Bob and Chris considered writing in Snoopy from ''[[Peanuts]]'' as a protest vote.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> but he continued talking on the grounds that his grasp of post-Soviet geography was shaky. He apparently convinced himself that Molvanîa was the same place as the real country of {{w|Moldova}}, a former Soviet republic located near the Black Sea.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

Besides Korea, Bob also visited Australia and England at some point in his life.<ref name = "Retired Life">[[Date with Emily#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref>

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956 at a United Methodist church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] (b. 1961) and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] (b. 1966).

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit">https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dailyprogress/name/robert-franklin-chandler-obituary?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Because of this, Chris did not know he had a niece via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]], until she was 8 years old,<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref> and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more distant. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and the last they had heard was that she was working for the federal government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref> David, on the other hand, did attend his father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]].]]

Bob and [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] met in 1979 at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s).<ref name=godbear>[[It took a talking bear to give the name a young boy loves]]</ref> Barbara was there with a friend and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Bob claimed that Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hallway," though Barb has disputed this.<ref>[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 2]]</ref> This version of events may be why Chris figured that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]'s friend Chuck McGuigan, who worked at the pub as a bartender, has a vivid memory of them, "...acting out as a couple of drunken losers."<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref> Barb later told Chris that she ultimately married Bob because, "...he owned [[14 Branchland Court|a house]]."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barb and Bob did not have sex for at least two decades before Bob's passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms in the years leading up to his death.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] was nearly 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness ruined the relationship between himself and his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "...when that fuck Bob finally drops,"<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. At the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name = "Meet" />

===Chris===

{{see also|Bob's Letters to Chris}}

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

Bob's relationship with Chris was rather complex. While Bob was considered to be a better parent than his wife [[Barb]], he was by no means the good ol' pop-pop Chandler many thought he was. While Bob at least tried to help Chris, his attempts at doing so were either futile, misguided or even harmful to Chris in the long term.

When Chris was a boy, Bob encouraged him to learn more about the world and tried sharing his interests and hobbies, including engineering, geography and [[Stamps|stamp collecting]].

When Chris was seven, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in the years following Bob's death;<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> he and Barb had been using the space for hoard storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but figured (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and can only associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob had difficulties understanding Chris' [[Autism]] and didn't even bother getting Chris the help he needed, likely due to his antiquated view of Mental Health institutions. Bob fought tooth and nail for years to keep Chris from getting the special education he needed to cope with the real world. It was the very reason why Bob rented a second home in a Chesterfield County so Chris couldn't attend special classes that Greene County recommended.

When Chris entered [[Manchester High]], Bob hired [[Gal pal|a bunch of girls]] to babysit Chris in a misguided attempt to socialize Chris. He let Chris believe they were legit friends, when they were only in it for their own gain.

Bob enjoyed collecting stamps as a boy growing up in the 1930s, and he continued to do so for several decades, with a focus on the United Nations and foreign countries,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> building a collection of stamp albums which filled six boxes.<ref>[[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]]</ref> He taught Chris about his hobby, buying him a beginner's stamp album in 1992.<ref>[[eBay#Chris's stamp album]]</ref> Chris seemed to enjoy the hobby as well, since he had many pages of stamps filled in. In [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letters]] to Chris (written when Chris was a few years old), Bob gave Chris permission to pass along his various collections onto others after inheriting them. In 2017, Chris began selling pieces of the inherited stamp collection. Bob's pieces were decently priced, generally for $5 per set, though he tried to sell his own personal stamp album for $1,000.<ref>[[eBay]] - see listings for their stamp collections.</ref>

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

Chris's phobia of [[Pickle|penises]] was apparently sparked from barging into his parents' room, where Bob had a habit of sleeping nude from the waist down.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref>

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements [sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded).|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. As seen during the lead up to the fateful encounter between [[Emily]], Chris and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Bob seemed to be more than happy to discuss stories with people, even those he hadn't seen or heard that much of - [[Robert Simmons V]], who met Bob during his [[Church audio|visit to Chris's church]] conversed with him extensively, later saying that he was a 'really pleasant guy.' The antagonism to which Chris refers was likely Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|A drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]

An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason as to why he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love," "support," "gratitude," and "willingness to help." Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris still ran for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appeared that Bob was the source of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with a troll, Bob stated that Chris was [[Chris and anger|"a hell of a lot nicer"]] and "has done a lot better than" the troll calling him.<ref name="Prank">[[Prank calls#Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler]]</ref>

After Chris got his now obsolete [[CADD]] degree, instead of telling Chris to get to work like any other parent would, he encouraged Chris to stay home just so he could continue to get his taxpayer-funded [[tugboat]].

He never seemed to get past the notion that Chris could and had already achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's emails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a "fag", even though he indirectly contributed to it through his unbalanced approach of socializing Chris.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence of others for granted. He also got genuinely emotional while reading a letter that his father had left for him on-camera, again indicating how much he misses his father.<ref>[[CLog 09042017 - Mister C]]</ref>

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since his passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on in his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> and displaying two photos of him in front of his TV.<ref>[[:File:Totem2ebay.jpeg]]</ref> He often sees Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

Due to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris later expressed beliefs that Bob is half-Sonichu and is apparently still alive in the [[CWCville]] dimension. These beliefs began around December 2017 and continued even after the Idea Guys had been removed from power, as shown by the below quote from 2018's Father's Day.

{{quotebox|[[File:Father's Day 2018.jpg|200px|thumb]]

<nowiki>#HappyFathersDay</nowiki> to each and every Father in This World and in Every Single Other Dimension Too! My father is alive again! I still love him, even in his checker-patterned glory! ⚡️💙❤️⚡️<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191211070743/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref>}}

In the [[Incest Call]], Chris claimed he was better at [[Affair with Mother|pleasuring]] [[Barb]] than his own father. One can only imagine Bob's reaction to this news if he were still alive.

Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Chris could easily be considered Bob's biggest failure as a parent, even when factoring in his strained relationship with his other children.

===Other relationships===
In spite of his redneck background, Bob seems to have gotten along better with foreigners than with his own countrymen. His closest friend in Richmond was Reverend Chen of Korean Canaan Presbyterian Church,<ref>[[Date with Emily#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> and he had English friends through his involvement with Matt's British Pub.<ref name=godbear></ref> He also had friends in Australia.<ref>BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7</ref>

From his father's second marriage, Bob had, "...a large number of half-brothers and sisters in... [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Salem, North Carolina]],"<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref> but he does not seem to have been very close with them. Bob's stepmother's obituary confirms that eight of these half-siblings were alive as of 2015.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref>

[[Prank calls#Call Bobby Chandler|Contrary to popular beliefs]], he did not have friends in the Ku Klux Klan.

==Later life, poor health and death==
[[File:Bob playbill for musical push cart.jpg|thumb|200px|Playbill for Mr. C. and his musical pushcart.]]

Bob lived on Social Security as well as his General Electric pension.<ref name = "Retired Life" /> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to 'swing with the music' on his swing there.<ref name="Retired Life" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple-bypass operations took place first in August 1980 and at last in 1992. He had {{w|Coronary artery disease}} and wore an {{w|Artificial cardiac pacemaker|artificial pacemaker}}.<ref>[[Autism papers#FAMILY_HISTORY:]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He apparently had several vivid near-death experiences: during [[Date with Emily#Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)|Chris's date with]] [[Emily]], Bob tells her that he has "died" several times, and Chris says that Bob, "...has seen the light, but did not actually go to it." In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build-up in his legs, which is symptomatic of CHF. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [sic] {{w|heart failure}}". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and [[White-Knighting|white knights]] alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Chris and his Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210121845/https://www.healthline.com/health/chf-life-expectancy]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and [[Tour of Chris's House|lifestyle]] made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naïve|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well". Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an email to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk. On the sixth of that month, he died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit"></ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12–19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927–2011."<ref name="BobObit" />

It is said that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Marvin]] and other trolls, using the [[Jackie]] identity as a catfish, attempted to contact Chris over the phone shortly after Bob's death for unclear reasons; Chris was noted to be audibly upset as he cried throughout the conversation. While the audio was recorded and archived on what is referred to as the "Black Tape" by some Christorians, the contents of the call were never released publicly due to Chris's miserable emotional state. The trolls who participated in the call realized after the fact that it was simply too soon to try to reach out to Chris in this fashion and, for a change, opted to respect his privacy for once. The Black Tape either still exists in the hands of the trolls who participated in its creation, or it has been lost to time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Marvin)#The Black Tape]]</ref>

Bob's death also marked another significant change in Chris's life, as the vast majority of the trolls associated with the "Classic Era" voluntarily retired from trolling Chris, knowing that he was deeply depressed by his father's passing. Only a few of these trolls still remain active as observers on [[Kiwi Farms]], and a trolling renaissance did not begin until much later in the decade with the advent of the [[Idea Guys]].

==Cause of death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claimed that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.

{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}

Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case), Chris's actions stemmed purely from selfishness and egotism – business as usual.

Years later, in 2017, Chris revised his claim and said that Bob was killed after hospital staff surprised him with a "Loud Noise." He went on to say that he had more freedom when Bob was alive.

{{quote|I wish I could go back to September 5, 2011 and stop the staff from making the Loud Noise that killed my father with stressful surprise. I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris<ref name=LoudNoise></ref>}}

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counseled Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

With Chris taking part in writing the obituary, it's amazing that the writing stayed focus on Bob and did not once mention Sonichu or become about Chris (except for the request for money at the end).

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
{{quoteboxgray|
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.<ref name="BobObit" />}}

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville, VA|all things considered]]) who tried ([[2014 house fire|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) his best to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Date with Emily|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris, but stopped altogether in his later years, leaving Chris to his own devices.

On the other hand, we have him to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backward]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He managed to alienate his other children enough that [[Carol Chandler|his daughter]] didn't attend his funeral or keep in touch while he was alive. He helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Chris and his ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's crippling dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He bailed out his son repeatedly and never really let Chris experience the [[Financhu Crisis|consequences]] of his misinformed [[Chris and money|life decisions]]. He never made any serious effort to correct his son's glaring character flaws and shortcomings, even when he [[Bob Walks In|caught him masturbating in the kitchen]]. The [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|few]] times he did intervene, it wasn't even for Chris' own benefit, but to shake off the trolls and the Health department. He also did not make any real attempt to provide for Chris's future, beyond ensuring the tugboat. He left all of his money to Barbara, who promptly wasted it all on [[Rob Bell|lawyer's fees]] – a conscientious parent would have anticipated this and put some of the money in a trust for Chris, not that Chris would've handled the money any better. Better yet, he could've given the money to his son Alan, Carol or his own [[Savannah|granddaughter]].

While some like to remember Bob as a kind-hearted, albeit ignorant old man who tried his best to be a good father, others see him as a remnant of a bygone era who is responsible for moulding Chris into the person he is today.

{{clear}}

==Chris's beliefs on Bob's afterlife==
===Idea Guy influences===
{{quote|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr's and Ted Bundy's souls never went to Heaven or Hell; They both became reborn ''[...]'' as their respective Sonichu forms. ''[...]'' Mister C. and Ted also serve to help the nation of CWCville in defense, and in intellect.|[[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], page 49}}

[[File:Bobchu.jpeg|thumb|150px|Bob's Sonichu form.]]
[[File:Bob meets Ted Bundy, Sonichu 16.JPG|Bob meets Ted Bundy in the hereafter.|thumb|150px]]

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspectives of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Perhaps one of the more heinous examples of this was the Idea Guys' [[Chris and manipulation|manipulation]] of Chris's views on his own father; views which Chris has yet to abandon, despite the Idea Guys being removed from power by the [[Guard Dogs]] in mid-2018. Ideas involving Bob include:

*Bob's spirit resides in CWCville, dimension [[C-197]], as a half-Sonichu named Robertchu, styled in his Sonichu form as a beaver with checkerboard fur<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122024/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref><ref>The drawing of Robertchu was among those drawn for Idea Guy, and no references to it exist beforehand.</ref> (a reference to his troll-given Internet Lumberjack nickname).

*Bob met serial killer Ted Bundy while in CWCville and helps defend it alongside Ted.<ref>[[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]]</ref>

Post-Idea Guys, Chris decided that Robertchu's fur color was really red with black ears because he found it too time-consuming to draw the checkerboard pattern.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Father's Day memorial]]</ref>

Robertchu was featured as cards in Chris's homemade [[Shipfic]] expansion. In one, Chris photoshopped a photo of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] so that she is standing beside a drawing of Robertchu in his Sonichu form. The card text reads, "Honey, I'm Home" and states:

{{quotebox|Every once in a while, Mister C runs back home to offer comfort to Barbara. Before the Dimension Merge's completion, she has missed him everyday, and found the solace and comfort when he comes by. He continues to carry a torch for her in his heart and soul while he helps to protect everyone in Cwcville and at this old temple of a house.}}

[[File:RobertchuBackHome.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Robertchu as a [[Shipfic]] card.]]

{{clear}}

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
{{quote|Christian, you are not a girl! Go put your pants back on.|Bob, ''Sonichu'' #12}}

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb]]

In [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|"Spring Break, 2008"]], a radio announcement from [[Jamsta Sonichu]] mentions that Bob founded [[CWCville]] in 1982, presumably after Chris's birth on [[Chris's birthday|24 February]] given that Bob named the city after his newborn son. Comic Bob presumably served as mayor before Chris took the office at an unknown date. At other points, Bob was mentioned in Chris's tangents about hating men other than himself and his father.

In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|"Date Ed"]], there are two dolls for the class to practice talking to, girls received "Robert" dolls, while boys received "Barbara" dolls, an obvious reference/homage to Bob and Barb.

Bob made his first official appearance in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Barb and various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

[[File:Bob,Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Bob appears in a set of pages that combine an autobiographical account of Chris coming out as a [[tomgirl]] to his parents, and a tribute to his late father. He is depicted as an elderly man, as the page took place in 2010 (due to Chris's [[Oedipus complex]], Barb is depicted as much more youthful). He attempts to dissuade Chris from continuing his tomgirl lifestyle, although Chris states that Bob later, "...told me he accepts and love ''[sic]'' me for who I am," shortly before his passing in 2011.

Chris concludes Bob's appearance in the book with a photo in memoriam of his life, saying that he and Barb continue to miss him every day.

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Bob, pictured at right, as ''Gallop Crush'', in a [[MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying that they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]. The ponified Bob, known as "Gallop Crush", appears as [[Night Star]]'s father, reaffirming the self-insert nature of Chris's ponysona.

In the [[Idea Guy]]-written [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], Bob's spirit crosses over into CWCville where he meets and strikes up a conversation with serial killer [[Ted Bundy]].

{{Mayors of CWCville}}

===As a toy===

<center><gallery>
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]]. Oh yes.
File:ChrisFamilyEtsyC.jpg|Promo drawing
</gallery></center>

===Audio and video===

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
*[[Christmas|25 December]] [[2004]]: Bob makes multiple physical appearences in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]], where he appears remarkably depressed.
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]] in the [[kitchen]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church Visit|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these. He was usually sincere when talking with prank callers, providing them with true and honest information about himself and Chris, but was occasionally pushed to trolling them back, on one occasion telling a particularly obnoxious pair of trolls that he had ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College sophomore yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn junior yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:WW2BobChandler(badquality).jpg|Bob's 1946 U.S. Army draftee (written in 1945).
File:Bob1946WW2DraftCardPhysicalDetail.png|Bob's 1946 Draft card on a physical detail (written in 1945).
File:BobPatMarriage.png|Bob and Patricia's newspaper engagement.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census.
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census.
File:Bob1950Census.jpg|Bob in the Jacksonville State Teachers University's dormitory room - 1950s census.
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Christmas at the Chandlers, taken sometime during the 1980s.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg
File:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
File:1993family.png|Barb, Chris and Bob in [[1993]]
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
File:0090-Christmas95-5.jpg
File:0091-Christmas95-6.jpg
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
File:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg
File:0473-CWC18th4.jpg
File:0114-MomsBirthday97-2.jpg
File:0115-MomsBirthday97-3.jpg
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
File:Bob1997article1.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in July 1997.
File:Bob1997article2.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in August 1997.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
File:0472-CWC18th3.jpg
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan tributes==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==References==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122203/https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/141038783/robert-franklin-chandler Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
{{ChildhoodSaga}}
{{GreeneSaga}}
{{BearsteinSaga}}
{{JulieSaga}}
{{EmilySaga}}
{{IvySaga}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Sweetheart

2024-05-22T17:00:45Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''7) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''8) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''9) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''10) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''11) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, the content of his drawings, while popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], are [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] at best and [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]] at worst for normal people. Any legitimate potential Sweetheart who stumbles on Chris' drawings would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had. In his entire life so far, Chris has never made any serious effort to improve his situation. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and scored among a Sweetheart.

Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a middle-aged shut-in who rambles about imaginary friends and lives off welfare is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-05-22T11:06:31Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''7) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''8) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''9) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''10) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''11) Chris is economically undesirable.''' Putting aside all the above-listed flaws, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his life at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of an elementary schooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, the content of his drawings, while popular with [[Trolls]] and [[Weens]], is [[Sonichu's News Dash|oblique]] at best and [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|disturbing]] at worst for normal people. Any legitimate potential Sweetheart who stumbles on Chris' drawings would run for the hills; [[Megan]] and the [[Gal-Pals]] already had; the former was the only legitimate female friend he ever had. In his entire life so far, Chris has never made any serious effort to improve his situation. Had Chris actually utilized his full artistic potential, put the effort into his art, and invented original works, he could've made for a fine freelance artist and scored among a Sweetheart.

Of the thousands of men a potential sweetheart can choose from, a middle-aged shut-in who rambles about imaginary friends and lives off welfare is probably going to be at the bottom of her list of potential partners. Simply put, he has nothing going for him.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-05-21T10:13:17Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''7) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''8) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''9) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''10) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''11) Chris has nothing going for him.''' Putting aside all his flaws listed above, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his prime at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of a preschooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, the content of his art, while appealing to Trolls and Weens, is oblique at best and disturbing at worst to normal people. Past potential sweethearts were so repulsed by his drawings that they cut off contact with Chris. In his entire life so far, Chris has never made any serious effort to improve his situation. Simply put, Chris is economically unattractive for a potential sweetheart, lacking significant income and having achieved nothing noteworthy other than becoming the most documented person in history.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Sweetheart

2024-05-21T08:16:56Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */ Added another reason. Im sure this is the most important one.

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''5) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''6) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''7) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''8) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''9) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''10) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

'''11) Chris has nothing going for him.''' Putting aside all his flaws listed above, what a potential sweetheart really wants from a man is a responsible adult who has something going for him. For starters, Chris only managed to get an [[CADD|Associate]], which he never put to use and has become obsolete years ago, choosing to waste away his prime at home rather than study or work. Chris's only selling point is his art, but even that leaves a lot to be desired. To begin with, his artistic skills are still on the level of a preschooler, despite drawing art for most of his life so far. His works, rather than having original ideas, are mostly self-inserts and blatant rip-offs of existing IPs. Additionally, the content of his art, while appealing to Trolls and Weens, is oblique at best and disturbing at worst. Past potential sweethearts were so repulsed by his drawings that they cut off contact with Chris. In his entire life so far, Chris has never made any serious effort to improve his situation. Simply put, Chris is economically unattractive for a potential sweetheart, lacking significant income and having achieved nothing noteworthy other than becoming the most documented person in history.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

Bob Chandler

2024-05-17T12:34:15Z

Sorades: Insulting is a more befitting word.

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}

{{quote|I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris, reflecting on his life prior to his father's death.<ref name=LoudNoise>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts#Claiming hospital staff killed Bob]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I don't believe he ever, Mr. C, any of her past boyfriends, ex-husbands... haven't really reached and hit her G-spot really with their dicks.|Chris, insulting Bob's memory by claiming that [[Affair with Mother|he was better at fucking]] [[Barbara Chandler|the man's wife]] [[Chris and his ego|than he ever was]].<ref>[[Incest Call]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
| image = Chrischansdad.jpg
|imagesize = 250
|aliases = Bob Bobby Mr. C [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]] [[Cole Smithey#Relationship with Barbara and Bob|Republican cur]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Gallop Crush]] Robertchu<ref>[[List of beliefs brainwashed into Chris#Sonichu genealogy for Chris, Bob and Ted Bundy]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|day = 4
|month = 9
|year = 1927
|deathday = 6
|deathmonth = 9
|deathyear = 2011
|gender = Male
|nationality = [[United States|American]]
|race = White [[Count Dankula|Half-Sonichu]]<ref>Planted by [[Idea Guys#Lingering influence|Idea Guy]], mentioned in [[Count Dankula]] interview</ref>
|religion = Protestant (Methodist)
|label8 = Height
|ft = 5
|in = 7
|spouse = Patricia Faye Harley (1956–1980, divorce) [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Ann Weston]] (1980–2011, his death)
|children = Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler [[Christian Weston Chandler]] [[Cole Smithey]] (stepson)
|grandchildren = [[Savannah Chandler]]
|father = Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906–1977)
|mother = Jean Hollomon (1906–1945)
|education = [[wikipedia:Auburn_University|Auburn University]] ([[wikipedia:Bachelor of Electrical Engineering|BEE]]) [[wikipedia:Jacksonville_State_University|Jacksonville State University]] (did not graduate)
|occupation = Military communications Engineer Inventor
|saga = {{saga|childhood|cn}}, {{saga|greene|cn}}, {{saga|bearstein|cn}}, {{saga|julie|cn}}, {{saga|emily|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Robert "Bob" Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]] – 6 September [[2011]]<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180110224343/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], the stepfather of [[Cole Smithey]], and husband of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's antipathy towards him and for his infamous cameo when he [[Bob Walks In|walked in]] on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "The [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] Lumberjack," came from this incident, wherein he promised to cut the internet down.

Despite being estranged from his other children, and despised by his stepson for abusive behavior, Bob was widely viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]] by Christorians, and – as far as Chris's own testimony can be trusted – he treated Chris better than any of his previous children. Bob had serious difficulties working with Chris's [[autism]], a disorder that he and his wife did not fully understand, but nonetheless, he had high hopes for his child in spite of the difficulties that he faced. Bob hoped to instill Chris with a variety of interests that reflected his own varied tastes, and he created The Dreaming Studio in their backyard in the hopes that they'd create things there (though, sadly, nothing of note was ever created there).

Because of this, Bob's popularity stems from being somewhat concerned with Chris's foolish behavior, and the fact that he occasionally tried to encourage a modicum of responsibility in Chris's sorry life, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising his son. Of course, Chris was almost entirely unaffected by Bob's efforts to better him, but unlike Barb, he at least made the effort, even if his attempts were futile or harmful at worst. That being said, he also encouraged Chris to ''not'' seek employment in favor of getting [[Monthly Tugboat|welfare]], even though Chris could still hold a part-time job and receive those benefits, so he's not entirely blameless for the sorry state that his son is in today, either. Not to mention that many of [[Homos|Chris's more backward]] [[Chris and race|social perspectives]] that he had in the "Classic Era" stem from his influence.

Bob was always eager to chat, and indeed much of the known information about Bob's life comes from conversations he had with trolls. It seems that Chris's passion for [[Honest Content]] did not fall too far from that tree, although Bob at least had a filter that his son lacks. Whether in person or over the phone, Bob appeared to relish the opportunity to speak with just about anyone. According to Chris, he was also a strong negotiator.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT and Opuscon789#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 6 September 2011, Bob died of complications from heart failure at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU, surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObitarchive">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> He was survived by his wife and son, who then had to become the man of the house. Chris occasionally raked in some income through commission work, though he has never looked for a serious career. Chris initially came to terms with his father's death in a conventional, healthy way, but eventually turned to a [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism where he genuinely believed that his father was alive in [[Dimensions|another dimension]] as a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] named Robertchu.

Years later in 2021, Chris would disgrace Bob's memory by repeatedly having dubiously-consensual sex with his wife in an [[Affair with Mother|incest]]-based affair, with Chris bragging that he could get Barb off better than "Mr. C" ever could. Following this incident, both were separated from the house that he maintained, with Chris jailed, Barb temporarily hospitalized before eventually returning to the residence, and the Dreaming Studio left abandoned for good.

==Biography==
Bob was born on 4:15 PM at a medical arts building in {{w|Fort Worth, Texas}},<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in {{w|Sylacauga, Alabama}}.<ref name="About">[[Date with Emily#Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)]]</ref> He was the only child of Robert Franklin "Bobby" Chandler Sr. (8 February 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/103153414/robert-franklin-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328063730/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM archive])</ref> – 27 December 1977<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328072547/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/FG5R-6M6 archive])</ref>), an Alabamian insurance agent, and Jean Hollomon (28 March 1906<ref>https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/5947049/jean-chandler ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328094240/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-12M archive])</ref> – 10 May 1945<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 ([https://web.archive.org/web/20160328092829/https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/JK33-QW8 archive])</ref>), a Texan housewife.<ref>[[:File:Bob Chandler's birth certificate.jpg]]</ref> Bob has eight younger half-siblings on his father's side.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref> He also mentioned having a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> However, a distant relative disputed his Cherokee heritage,<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree#Ancestry.com content]]</ref> and his son's [[Cherokian Clan#Reality|DNA test results]] in 2018 belied any American Indian descent. It is common for white Southerners to make dubious claims to Cherokee ancestry, for a variety of historical reasons.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120042/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/10/cherokee-blood-why-do-so-many-americans-believe-they-have-cherokee-ancestry.html Slate article]</ref>

[[File:Robert Sr 1942.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|Bob's Father in 1942.]]

[[File:Bob_Chandler_1945.png|thumb|right|200px|Bob Chandler (left) as a Boy Scout in 1945.]]

Bob has said that he was, "...interested in the world," around him since he was ten, and began collecting foreign [[stamps]] as a child in the [[1930s]]; his first stamp was of {{w|Michael I of Romania}}. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting some 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> About 100 or so survived the 2014 [[house fire]].<ref>[[Discord Q&A 4#Bob's record collection]]</ref>

Bob joined the [[wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts]], becoming an Eagle Scout and a Scoutmaster for over 20 years.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref>

According to Chris, Bob lost his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] at the age of 27, which would have been in 1954 or 1955.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up]]</ref>

===Service and education===

A 1942 yearbook from Sylacauga High School lists a "Bobby Chandler" in the freshman class and glee club, suggesting that he graduated from this school in spring 1945 before matriculating at {{w|Auburn University}} as an aeronautical engineering major that autumn.

[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Bob served in Korea, and, thankfully for Chris, who believes that he was a sperm carried in one of his father's testicles during that time, he left before the Korean War broke out.]]

Bob apparently had knowledge that the Army desired,<ref>(Majoring in Aeronautical Engineering, Auburn University, Freshman p. 95 of the 1946 yearbook [https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175556/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/4124/rec/14])</ref> was conscripted as a special draftee in 1946 and placed in the {{w|Signal Corps (United States Army)|Signal Corps}}. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. After basic training and Signal School in {{w|Fort Monmouth}}, New Jersey, Bob was sent to Korea for a year to install infrastructure with the American occupation force. Serving until 1948, he was entitled to the WWII Victory Medal: his service number was 44107856.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210120633/https://aad.archives.gov/aad/record-detail.jsp?dt=893&mtch=11&tf=F&q=Chandler&bc=&sort=24996%2520desc&rpp=10&pg=4&rid=8565331&rlst=5136538%2C4652469%2C8564216%2C1000879%2C987835%2C4549799%2C991002%2C8565331%2C5188385%2C8565346]</ref> Figuring he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college, {{w|Jacksonville State Teachers College}} (now Jacksonville State University), after leaving the military. He studied pre-engineering and joined the band there for two years before returning to Auburn University, where he studied electrical engineering and graduated in 1952 with a {{w|Bachelor of Electrical Engineering}} degree.<ref>(page 269 of the 1952 yearbook)[https://web.archive.org/web/20170725175342/http://content.lib.auburn.edu/cdm/compoundobject/collection/gloms/id/16173/rec/20] {{w|G.I. Bill}}.</ref><ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref name = "Meet">[[Date with Emily#Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)]]</ref> While he was at Auburn, he was part of the band once again, was a member of {{w|Wesley Foundation}}, a [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|United Methodist]] religious group; and Phi Mu Alpha, a social frat dedicated to men who are interested in music.

===Career===
[[File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg|thumb|200px|Article on Bob's 25th anniversary at General Electric.]]

A 1946 military record included Bob's occupation while he was a student as "tinsmith, coppersmith, and sheet metal worker".

Bob worked for {{w|Western Electric}} as an engineer for 40 years, where he designed a variety of electrical subsystems, including relays, telephones and valve systems. During the 1950s, he lived in [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Winston-Salem, North Carolina]], where his father and half of his half-siblings lived for the rest of their lives. He was then offered a job by [[wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]] in [[wikipedia:Utica, New York|Utica, New York]]. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he left after three years, returning back to Winston-Salem for a few years before transferring to [[wikipedia:Roanoke, Virginia|Roanoke]] in Southwest Virginia, where he discovered his love for the mountains. In 1975, he moved to [[Richmond]], where he worked until 1980, when he was transferred to [[Charlottesville]].<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] claimed, in an email to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Miyamoto]], that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the {{w|Nintendo Entertainment System|NES}} "...might not have arrived so soon,"<ref name="Barbara" /> ignoring the fact that the NES was designed and released in Japan in 1983, without influence from American electronics.

{{quote|Bob Chandler is one of the most creative engineers in the organization.|The General Manager at G.E.<ref>[[:File:Bob 25th Anniversary at General Electric.jpg]]</ref>}}

Examples of Bob's accomplishments include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a vehicle logging system.<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3486009</ref> Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed controls<ref>https://patents.google.com/patent/US3889849</ref> that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#A Word from Snorlax]]</ref>

Bob retired in 1987 at the age of 59 or 60.<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris#Open Letter - December 26th, 1987]]</ref> His relatively early retirement may have been provoked by health problems, as he writes in his December 1987 [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letter to Chris]] that "I know now that I, at best, haven't much time left to share myself with you".

Bob himself was proud of his, "...natural inclination for logic," although he was, "...inundated," by all his designs and whether he did well for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.<ref name="About" />

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob Chandler learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

{{quote|I have been very interested in the world since I was 10 years old, and that was 70 years ago and, the, uh, I'm very fond of and I really truly believe in the United Nations, but you won't find anybody else in my countryside or around here, I think, that does. (laughing) But anyway, I'm very world conscious.|[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|Bob]]}}

Bob referred to himself as a {{w|Republican Party (United States)|Republican}}, and he did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in {{w|United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election}}.<ref name="Prank calls"/> That said, he had misgivings about {{w|Bob McDonnell}}, the Republican candidate in the {{w|Virginia gubernatorial election, 2009|2009 Virginia gubernatorial election}} and the ultimate winner of the election, possibly because of McDonnell's support for very strict anti-abortion laws, which made no exceptions for cases of rape or [[Chris and sex#incest|incest]]. Bob and Chris considered writing in Snoopy from ''[[Peanuts]]'' as a protest vote.<ref>[[Regina e-mails#Wikipedia: The answer to everything]]</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> but he continued talking on the grounds that his grasp of post-Soviet geography was shaky. He apparently convinced himself that Molvanîa was the same place as the real country of {{w|Moldova}}, a former Soviet republic located near the Black Sea.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> However, he rather damningly failed to question why Julie spoke perfect English with an American accent.

Besides Korea, Bob also visited Australia and England at some point in his life.<ref name = "Retired Life">[[Date with Emily#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref>

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia Harley on 25 September 1956 at a United Methodist church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. They had two children, [[David Alan Chandler]] (b. 1961) and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] (b. 1966).

Bob and Patricia separated on 28 June 1976 before divorcing on 28 January 1980.<ref name="BobObit">https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/dailyprogress/name/robert-franklin-chandler-obituary?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref><ref>[[:File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png]]</ref> Bob's relationships with David and Carol were strained in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> Because of this, Chris did not know he had a niece via David, named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]], until she was 8 years old,<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref> and Bob's relationship with Carol was even more distant. According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. None of the Chandlers knew what was going on with her, and the last they had heard was that she was working for the federal government, implying that she did not show up to her father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref> David, on the other hand, did attend his father's funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler.png]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]].]]

Bob and [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] met in 1979 at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s).<ref name=godbear>[[It took a talking bear to give the name a young boy loves]]</ref> Barbara was there with a friend and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Bob claimed that Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hallway," though Barb has disputed this.<ref>[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 2]]</ref> This version of events may be why Chris figured that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]]'s friend Chuck McGuigan, who worked at the pub as a bartender, has a vivid memory of them, "...acting out as a couple of drunken losers."<ref name="Cole2" />

They got married in 1980,<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> only months after Bob and Patricia had divorced.<ref>[[:File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg]]</ref> Barb later told Chris that she ultimately married Bob because, "...he owned [[14 Branchland Court|a house]]."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

According to Chris, Barb and Bob did not have sex for at least two decades before Bob's passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms in the years leading up to his death.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] was nearly 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness ruined the relationship between himself and his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "...when that fuck Bob finally drops,"<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he did so. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though there isn't any proof that Bob hated Cole. At the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name = "Meet" />

===Chris===

{{see also|Bob's Letters to Chris}}

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[File:Dreaming studio.png|thumb|Dreaming studio of Mr. C and Little C. Where dreams do come true - 1989.]]

Bob's relationship with Chris was rather complex. While Bob was considered to be a better parent than his wife [[Barb]], he was by no means the good ol' pop-pop Chandler many thought he was. While Bob at least tried to help Chris, his attempts at doing so were either futile, misguided or even harmful to Chris in the long term.

When Chris was a boy, Bob encouraged him to learn more about the world and tried sharing his interests and hobbies, including engineering, geography and [[Stamps|stamp collecting]].

When Chris was seven, Bob converted a shed in the backyard of [[14 Branchland Court]] to a workshop where he and Chris could build things together, dubbing it the "dreaming studio." Chris could not recall what they had built together when asked about it in the years following Bob's death;<ref>[[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court]]</ref> he and Barb had been using the space for hoard storage.

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris about foreign geography such as [[Julie|Europe]] and [[PandaHalo|Australia]], but figured (correctly) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[television]], and can only associate with the places he's physically been to in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob had difficulties understanding Chris' [[Autism]] and didn't even bother getting Chris the help he needed, likely due to his antiquated view of Mental Health institutions. Bob fought tooth and nail for years to keep Chris from getting the special education he needed to cope with the real world. It was the very reason why Bob rented a second home in a Chesterfield County so Chris couldn't attend special classes that Greene County recommended.

When Chris entered [[Manchester High]], Bob hired [[Gal pal|a bunch of girls]] to babysit Chris in a misguided attempt to socialize Chris. He let Chris believe they were legit friends, when they were only in it for their own gain.

Bob enjoyed collecting stamps as a boy growing up in the 1930s, and he continued to do so for several decades, with a focus on the United Nations and foreign countries,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> building a collection of stamp albums which filled six boxes.<ref>[[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]]</ref> He taught Chris about his hobby, buying him a beginner's stamp album in 1992.<ref>[[eBay#Chris's stamp album]]</ref> Chris seemed to enjoy the hobby as well, since he had many pages of stamps filled in. In [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letters]] to Chris (written when Chris was a few years old), Bob gave Chris permission to pass along his various collections onto others after inheriting them. In 2017, Chris began selling pieces of the inherited stamp collection. Bob's pieces were decently priced, generally for $5 per set, though he tried to sell his own personal stamp album for $1,000.<ref>[[eBay]] - see listings for their stamp collections.</ref>

Bob's racist joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

Chris's phobia of [[Pickle|penises]] was apparently sparked from barging into his parents' room, where Bob had a habit of sleeping nude from the waist down.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref>

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements [sic], annoys me, [[Chris and health#hygiene|rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks]] (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded).|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

However, the many instances of Bob communicating with trolls show that he was generally pleasant and amicable, not at all inclined to start arguments, as Chris asserts. As seen during the lead up to the fateful encounter between [[Emily]], Chris and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], Bob seemed to be more than happy to discuss stories with people, even those he hadn't seen or heard that much of - [[Robert Simmons V]], who met Bob during his [[Church audio|visit to Chris's church]] conversed with him extensively, later saying that he was a 'really pleasant guy.' The antagonism to which Chris refers was likely Bob attempting to constructively criticize Chris in order to better him, as Chris deeply resents being told what he does not want to hear.
[[File:Bob drawing Nov. '15.jpg|thumb|200px|left|A drawing of Bob by Chris, released in [[November 2015]].]]

An example of this criticism was Bob telling Chris that, since Bob had looked after Chris for 29 years despite his childish and outrageous behavior, Chris should show more gratitude towards him. Chris was completely dismissive, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, and seeing no reason as to why he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love," "support," "gratitude," and "willingness to help." Reinforcing Bob's point, Chris still ran for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the success that he has earned from his own Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appeared that Bob was the source of Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|Bob and a younger Christian. Note Chris's "Family Bonding" shirt.]]
Once during a phone call with a troll, Bob stated that Chris was [[Chris and anger|"a hell of a lot nicer"]] and "has done a lot better than" the troll calling him.<ref name="Prank">[[Prank calls#Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler]]</ref>

After Chris got his now obsolete [[CADD]] degree, instead of telling Chris to get to work like any other parent would, he encouraged Chris to stay home just so he could continue to get his taxpayer-funded [[tugboat]].

He never seemed to get past the notion that Chris could and had already achieved things, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's emails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a "fag", even though he indirectly contributed to it through his unbalanced approach of socializing Chris.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref> Confidential details collected after Bob's death, however, suggests Chris was more emotionally attached than he let on, providing rare and precious evidence that Chris doesn't take the presence of others for granted. He also got genuinely emotional while reading a letter that his father had left for him on-camera, again indicating how much he misses his father.<ref>[[CLog 09042017 - Mister C]]</ref>

In [[December 2012]], Chris uploaded the soundtrack from the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon]], in which Bob was a performer and a host. It was notable as one of the few moments where Chris publicly honored his father's memory since his passing in [[September 2011]].

Bob lives on in his son's memory. Chris noted the occasion of his father's passing by attaching angel wings to the [[Lego]] minifigure representing him,<ref>Seen at 4:24 in [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> and displaying two photos of him in front of his TV.<ref>[[:File:Totem2ebay.jpeg]]</ref> He often sees Bob in his [[dreams]].<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Still Feeling Lonely II|March 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref><ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers#2014 Answers--LevelUpKing|OkCupid Answers]]</ref>

Due to the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], Chris later expressed beliefs that Bob is half-Sonichu and is apparently still alive in the [[CWCville]] dimension. These beliefs began around December 2017 and continued even after the Idea Guys had been removed from power, as shown by the below quote from 2018's Father's Day.

{{quotebox|[[File:Father's Day 2018.jpg|200px|thumb]]

<nowiki>#HappyFathersDay</nowiki> to each and every Father in This World and in Every Single Other Dimension Too! My father is alive again! I still love him, even in his checker-patterned glory! ⚡️💙❤️⚡️<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20191211070743/https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref>}}

In the [[Incest Call]], Chris claimed he was better at [[Affair with Mother|pleasuring]] [[Barb]] than his own father. One can only imagine Bob's reaction to this news if he were still alive.

Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Chris could easily be considered Bob's biggest failure as a parent, even when factoring in his strained relationship with his other children.

===Other relationships===
In spite of his redneck background, Bob seems to have gotten along better with foreigners than with his own countrymen. His closest friend in Richmond was Reverend Chen of Korean Canaan Presbyterian Church,<ref>[[Date with Emily#Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)]]</ref> and he had English friends through his involvement with Matt's British Pub.<ref name=godbear></ref> He also had friends in Australia.<ref>BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7</ref>

From his father's second marriage, Bob had, "...a large number of half-brothers and sisters in... [[wikipedia:Winston-Salem, North Carolina|Salem, North Carolina]],"<ref>[[Bob's Letters to Chris]]</ref> but he does not seem to have been very close with them. Bob's stepmother's obituary confirms that eight of these half-siblings were alive as of 2015.<ref>https://www.hufffuneralhome.com/obituary/Dorothy-Chandler</ref>

[[Prank calls#Call Bobby Chandler|Contrary to popular beliefs]], he did not have friends in the Ku Klux Klan.

==Later life, poor health and death==
[[File:Bob playbill for musical push cart.jpg|thumb|200px|Playbill for Mr. C. and his musical pushcart.]]

Bob lived on Social Security as well as his General Electric pension.<ref name = "Retired Life" /> He never really had people to chat with at home (he would ramble to [[Trolls|total strangers]] on the phone if he could), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to 'swing with the music' on his swing there.<ref name="Retired Life" />

Bob had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. The two triple-bypass operations took place first in August 1980 and at last in 1992. He had {{w|Coronary artery disease}} and wore an {{w|Artificial cardiac pacemaker|artificial pacemaker}}.<ref>[[Autism papers#FAMILY_HISTORY:]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> He apparently had several vivid near-death experiences: during [[Date with Emily#Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)|Chris's date with]] [[Emily]], Bob tells her that he has "died" several times, and Chris says that Bob, "...has seen the light, but did not actually go to it." In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build-up in his legs, which is symptomatic of CHF. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Despite his heart troubles he continued to eat at [[Burger King]] daily.<ref>[[Prank calls#Calls to Bob and Chris]]</ref><ref>[[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)]]</ref>

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter|tweeted]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [sic] {{w|heart failure}}". Chris seemed confident that his father was not in for a long stay. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of his heart failure]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and [[White-Knighting|white knights]] alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only arose [[Chris and his Ego|when Chris was inclined to complain about it online]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies,<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201210121845/https://www.healthline.com/health/chf-life-expectancy]</ref> but Bob's age, prior heart attacks and [[Tour of Chris's House|lifestyle]] made this a very serious situation.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. His silence on the subject of his father was probably because of [[Naïve|genuine ignorance]] of the seriousness of his father's condition.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."<ref>[[:File:Bobbetter.jpg]]</ref> Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well". Chris was, at least, half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer of some description.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 23 April 2011, in an email to Jackie, Chris revealed that Bob had received surgery for colon cancer.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_24]]</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and, like Barb, vehemently disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris, now deeply entrenched in his [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirlish ways]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and was suffering from [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]].

In early September 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk. On the sixth of that month, he died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit"></ref> Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12–19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927–2011."<ref name="BobObit" />

It is said that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Marvin]] and other trolls, using the [[Jackie]] identity as a catfish, attempted to contact Chris over the phone shortly after Bob's death for unclear reasons; Chris was noted to be audibly upset as he cried throughout the conversation. While the audio was recorded and archived on what is referred to as the "Black Tape" by some Christorians, the contents of the call were never released publicly due to Chris's miserable emotional state. The trolls who participated in the call realized after the fact that it was simply too soon to try to reach out to Chris in this fashion and, for a change, opted to respect his privacy for once. The Black Tape either still exists in the hands of the trolls who participated in its creation, or it has been lost to time.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Marvin)#The Black Tape]]</ref>

Bob's death also marked another significant change in Chris's life, as the vast majority of the trolls associated with the "Classic Era" voluntarily retired from trolling Chris, knowing that he was deeply depressed by his father's passing. Only a few of these trolls still remain active as observers on [[Kiwi Farms]], and a trolling renaissance did not begin until much later in the decade with the advent of the [[Idea Guys]].

==Cause of death==
Despite the fairly clear-cut nature of the lumberjack's passing, Chris has since declared that the [[trolls]] were responsible for Bob's death. In an [[Misc_E-mails|email]] leaked on 22 [[March 2014]], Chris claimed that the stress of his trolling led to Bob's heart attack. This keeps in the trend Chris has developed of blaming any and all misfortunes (even those faced by everyone, like burying a family member) on trolls.

{{quote|AND the total [[stress]] KILLED my Father Prematurely; if not for those Trolls, he would still be alive, and would have likely lived beyond 2015.|Chris.}}

Even for Chris this is appalling behavior; using the '''death of his own father''' as a vehicle to play the victim and attempt to stave off trolls. While it's not uncommon for those who have lost loved ones to blame their deaths on external causes (however impossible or insane, as in this case), Chris's actions stemmed purely from selfishness and egotism – business as usual.

Years later, in 2017, Chris revised his claim and said that Bob was killed after hospital staff surprised him with a "Loud Noise." He went on to say that he had more freedom when Bob was alive.

{{quote|I wish I could go back to September 5, 2011 and stop the staff from making the Loud Noise that killed my father with stressful surprise. I had more freedom when he was alive.|Chris<ref name=LoudNoise></ref>}}

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into [[autism|unusual detail]] about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counseled Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to [[Chris and money|donate money to Barbara and Chris]].

With Chris taking part in writing the obituary, it's amazing that the writing stayed focus on Bob and did not once mention Sonichu or become about Chris (except for the request for money at the end).

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
{{quoteboxgray|
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.<ref name="BobObit" />}}

==In memoriam==
[[File:Chandler_Niche.jpg|thumb|left|Bob's final resting place.]]

Bob is often seen as a gregarious, hard-working man ([[Ruckersville, VA|all things considered]]) who tried ([[2014 house fire|albeit without]] [[26 December 2014|success]]) his best to refine Chris into someone that could at least pass for a responsible adult, giving him mock job interviews and [[Date with Emily|chaperoning him on dates]], where he proved (unsurprisingly) more adept at charming the date than Chris, but stopped altogether in his later years, leaving Chris to his own devices.

On the other hand, we have him to thank for some of his son's more [[Homos|backward]] [[Niggos|worldviews]]. He managed to alienate his other children enough that [[Carol Chandler|his daughter]] didn't attend his funeral or keep in touch while he was alive. He helped Chris to construct [[Matthew Noble call|bizarre]] [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy theories]] to justify [[Chris and the law|trespassing and the like]], among [[Chris and his ego|other things]]. He, like Barbara, enabled Chris's crippling dependence on them, general immaturity and irresponsibility, and his myriad of other flaws. He bailed out his son repeatedly and never really let Chris experience the [[Financhu Crisis|consequences]] of his misinformed [[Chris and money|life decisions]]. He never made any serious effort to correct his son's glaring character flaws and shortcomings, even when he [[Bob Walks In|caught him masturbating in the kitchen]]. The [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|few]] times he did intervene, it wasn't even for Chris' own benefit, but to shake off the trolls and the Health department. He also did not make any real attempt to provide for Chris's future, beyond ensuring the tugboat. He left all of his money to Barbara, who promptly wasted it all on [[Rob Bell|lawyer's fees]] – a conscientious parent would have anticipated this and put some of the money in a trust for Chris, not that Chris would've handled the money any better.

While some like to remember Bob as a kind-hearted man who tried his best to be a good father, others see him as a remnant of a bygone era who is responsible for moulding Chris into the person he is today.

{{clear}}

==Chris's beliefs on Bob's afterlife==
===Idea Guy influences===
{{quote|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr's and Ted Bundy's souls never went to Heaven or Hell; They both became reborn ''[...]'' as their respective Sonichu forms. ''[...]'' Mister C. and Ted also serve to help the nation of CWCville in defense, and in intellect.|[[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], page 49}}

[[File:Bobchu.jpeg|thumb|150px|Bob's Sonichu form.]]
[[File:Bob meets Ted Bundy, Sonichu 16.JPG|Bob meets Ted Bundy in the hereafter.|thumb|150px]]

During the [[Idea Guys]] saga, Chris's belief in multiple dimensions was exploited and his sense of reality hijacked to make changes to many of Chris's characters, concepts and perspectives of the real world, with him considering them to be valid. Perhaps one of the more heinous examples of this was the Idea Guys' [[Chris and manipulation|manipulation]] of Chris's views on his own father; views which Chris has yet to abandon, despite the Idea Guys being removed from power by the [[Guard Dogs]] in mid-2018. Ideas involving Bob include:

*Bob's spirit resides in CWCville, dimension [[C-197]], as a half-Sonichu named Robertchu, styled in his Sonichu form as a beaver with checkerboard fur<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122024/https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1008449921387778048</ref><ref>The drawing of Robertchu was among those drawn for Idea Guy, and no references to it exist beforehand.</ref> (a reference to his troll-given Internet Lumberjack nickname).

*Bob met serial killer Ted Bundy while in CWCville and helps defend it alongside Ted.<ref>[[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]]</ref>

Post-Idea Guys, Chris decided that Robertchu's fur color was really red with black ears because he found it too time-consuming to draw the checkerboard pattern.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Father's Day memorial]]</ref>

Robertchu was featured as cards in Chris's homemade [[Shipfic]] expansion. In one, Chris photoshopped a photo of [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] so that she is standing beside a drawing of Robertchu in his Sonichu form. The card text reads, "Honey, I'm Home" and states:

{{quotebox|Every once in a while, Mister C runs back home to offer comfort to Barbara. Before the Dimension Merge's completion, she has missed him everyday, and found the solace and comfort when he comes by. He continues to carry a torch for her in his heart and soul while he helps to protect everyone in Cwcville and at this old temple of a house.}}

[[File:RobertchuBackHome.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Robertchu as a [[Shipfic]] card.]]

{{clear}}

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
{{quote|Christian, you are not a girl! Go put your pants back on.|Bob, ''Sonichu'' #12}}

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb]]

In [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|"Spring Break, 2008"]], a radio announcement from [[Jamsta Sonichu]] mentions that Bob founded [[CWCville]] in 1982, presumably after Chris's birth on [[Chris's birthday|24 February]] given that Bob named the city after his newborn son. Comic Bob presumably served as mayor before Chris took the office at an unknown date. At other points, Bob was mentioned in Chris's tangents about hating men other than himself and his father.

In [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|"Date Ed"]], there are two dolls for the class to practice talking to, girls received "Robert" dolls, while boys received "Barbara" dolls, an obvious reference/homage to Bob and Barb.

Bob made his first official appearance in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Barb and various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

[[File:Bob,Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Bob appears in a set of pages that combine an autobiographical account of Chris coming out as a [[tomgirl]] to his parents, and a tribute to his late father. He is depicted as an elderly man, as the page took place in 2010 (due to Chris's [[Oedipus complex]], Barb is depicted as much more youthful). He attempts to dissuade Chris from continuing his tomgirl lifestyle, although Chris states that Bob later, "...told me he accepts and love ''[sic]'' me for who I am," shortly before his passing in 2011.

Chris concludes Bob's appearance in the book with a photo in memoriam of his life, saying that he and Barb continue to miss him every day.

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Bob, pictured at right, as ''Gallop Crush'', in a [[MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying that they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]. The ponified Bob, known as "Gallop Crush", appears as [[Night Star]]'s father, reaffirming the self-insert nature of Chris's ponysona.

In the [[Idea Guy]]-written [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]], Bob's spirit crosses over into CWCville where he meets and strikes up a conversation with serial killer [[Ted Bundy]].

{{Mayors of CWCville}}

===As a toy===

<center><gallery>
File:BobAmiibo.jpg|[[Amiibo]] Bob, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]]. Oh yes.
File:ChrisFamilyEtsyC.jpg|Promo drawing
</gallery></center>

===Audio and video===

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself (not a difficult feat, to be fair).

* [[1990]]: Bob appeared as the DJ to the [[WTJU Marathon]].
* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26-0:36 in the news report of the [[Chris in the media|Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
*[[Christmas|25 December]] [[2004]]: Bob makes multiple physical appearences in [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]], where he appears remarkably depressed.
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]] in the [[kitchen]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church Visit|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the house tour, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn Internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also is audible at the end of the call.
* [[Prank calls]]: Bob answered several of these. He was usually sincere when talking with prank callers, providing them with true and honest information about himself and Chris, but was occasionally pushed to trolling them back, on one occasion telling a particularly obnoxious pair of trolls that he had ties to the Ku Klux Klan.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Bob1946Auburn.jpg|Bob's Auburn freshman yearbook photo, taken for the 1946 yearbook.
File:BobJax1950.PNG|Bob's 1950 Jacksonville State Teachers College sophomore yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1951.PNG|Bob's 1951 Auburn junior yearbook photo.
File:Bobauburn1952.PNG|Bob's Auburn senior yearbook photo.
File:WW2BobChandler(badquality).jpg|Bob's 1946 U.S. Army draftee (written in 1945).
File:Bob1946WW2DraftCardPhysicalDetail.png|Bob's 1946 Draft card on a physical detail (written in 1945).
File:BobPatMarriage.png|Bob and Patricia's newspaper engagement.
File:1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.png|1956 9 25 - Bob, Patricia marriage license.
File:1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.png|1980 1 28 - Bob, Patricia divorce.
File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.
File:Bob and his parents - 1930s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1930s census.
File:Bob and his parents - 1940s census.png|Bob and his parents - 1940s census.
File:Bob1950Census.jpg|Bob in the Jacksonville State Teachers University's dormitory room - 1950s census.
File:Bob's birth certificate.png|Bob's birth certificate.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:Thehell.jpg|
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Christmas at the Chandlers, taken sometime during the 1980s.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg
File:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|
File:1993family.png|Barb, Chris and Bob in [[1993]]
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|
File:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
File:0090-Christmas95-5.jpg
File:0091-Christmas95-6.jpg
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|
File:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg
File:0473-CWC18th4.jpg
File:0114-MomsBirthday97-2.jpg
File:0115-MomsBirthday97-3.jpg
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|
File:Bob1997article1.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in July 1997.
File:Bob1997article2.png|Bob's short brief article from Richmond Times-Dispatch in August 1997.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|Bob used to enjoy gardening back in the day.
File:0472-CWC18th3.jpg
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
File:Robert Chandler, 19 June 2016 Facebook post photo.jpg|Last known photo.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan tributes==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==References==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210122203/https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/141038783/robert-franklin-chandler Bob Chandler at Find a Grave]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
{{ChildhoodSaga}}
{{GreeneSaga}}
{{BearsteinSaga}}
{{JulieSaga}}
{{EmilySaga}}
{{IvySaga}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Gal pal

2024-05-13T18:34:13Z

Sorades: Chris himself implied that Bob and the principal were involved in the arrangement.

{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" were little more than hired help to protect the autistic kid. A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by [[Bob]] to act as his friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls. What is known, however, is that his gal-pals at high school were arranged by both Bob and the principal. While the exact nature of the arrangement is unknown, it stands to reason they agreed to it for their personal, if not financial, benefit.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This unbalanced approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his warped views on [[gender]] and him adopting rather [[tomgirl|effeminate]] traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony]] action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Protip|Do NOT contact or troll any of them.
They have since moved on with their lives and have nothing to gain by reuniting with Chris.}}
Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in a misguided attempt to help Chris socialize. Natasha was not the only gal pal Bob has apparently paid off during Chris's High-School years, and some sources even claim all of them were.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Lyn Andes}}
Kellie Lyn Andes is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on Facebook after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Nicole Gowen}}
Tiffany Gowen is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref>name="dvd5"</ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> His search ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from Tiffany (most likely created by trolls) telling Chris that she was purposely evading him.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Ingram (née Bevel)''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y505/bgheff/138736550810_zpsc03df10f.png</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]
===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

==The illusion shattered==
On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a recent discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref>

{{quote
|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.
|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]
}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

He asked his [[mother]] whether or not his friends had been real, and she informed him that in fact they had been arranged by his [[father]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.49854/post-2046965(archive pending)</ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy. Some of these women are trolls as well, although (unlike the troll gal pals below) they interacted with Chris under their real names.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* The [[Teen Troon Squad]]
* Two of the [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Transgender

2024-05-12T13:23:18Z

Sorades:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Misinfo|It is often stated that Chris admitted to adopting a transgender identity solely so that he could hook up with lesbians. While this claim is not outside the realm of possibility, no direct confession from Chris has ever been shared or leaked.}}

{{protip|While Chris did legally change his name and gender, the CWCki continues to refer to him only by his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|true, original gender]] and [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|GodBear-given name]], to keep consistent with [[Sagas#Classic Chris Era (27 October 2007 to 20 March 2010)|classical]] records. More details can be found on [[Christian Weston Chandler#Overview|Chris's dedicated page]].}}

{{quote|I would rather suffer a [[Self-inflicted taint wound|painful gender-change operation]] than ever be a [[homo]].|Chris's written testimony in ''[[Sonichu 9]]'', 2008. As of 2024, Chris has not undergone sexual reassignment surgery even after identifying as trans.}}

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am woman! Roar!]]|Chris in ''[[Sonichu 11]]'', 2017, borrowing a catchphrase from [[Rosechu]].}}

{{quote|[[Messiah complex|We Gods]] had eased up on the views of [[Chris and English|"Adultry"]]; WHY Else do you all have Pro-Gay, and Pro-Lesbian, Pro-Trans, and all Today and the past Decades?|Chris likening the LGBT community to adulterers in [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a letter from jail]].}}

[[File:Chris autographed poster listing.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in [[2018]], two years after beginning HRT, holding a photo of himself taken a decade prior.]]

A person is '''transgender''' (or '''trans''') if their gender identity doesn't match their biological sex.<ref>https://www.dictionary.com/browse/transgender</ref> Over 1.6 million U.S. adults are openly trans,<ref>https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/04/02/percentage-us-population-transgender-statistics/</ref> and [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] is perhaps the most famous trans person to live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia. In [[2011]], when Chris was 29 years old, he began exploring male-to-female gender transitioning. Starting with cross-dressing, he would gradually try DIY methods to undergo physical transitioning, which were [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|pointless at best]] and [[Self-inflicted taint wound|dangerous at worst]]. In [[2016]], he began using legitimate means, such as seeing a professional specializing in gender issues and going on prescription hormone therapy later that year. In spite of his best efforts, however, Chris's post-transition appearance remains quite similar to his pre-transition appearance, only he grew his [[hair]] out and had some of his fat distribution rearranged through HRT. Nonetheless, [[Chris and reality|he believes]] that he [[Chris and his ego|looks like a supermodel]].

Chris's identity gradually shifted over the course of his transitioning. He began as a transvestite – a male who cross-dresses yet still identifies as a man – or as Chris called it, "'''tomgirl'''". (Outside of [[CWC-isms|Chris's lexicon]], "femboy" and "femme" are commonly used to describe this kind of sexual identity in recent years, although Chris himself would not apply after becoming transgender. Nonetheless, Chris actually has used the term "femme" on his [[Facebook]] profile.) In [[2014]], he came out as a "lesbian-identified male". By the end of that year, he began identifying as a woman, calling himself a "transwoman". In [[2015]], he started going by "Christine", making the [[name change]] official the following year,<ref name=christinenamechange>[[:File:Court Record - 2016 Name Change from Christian to Christine (Chris, CL16000067-00).png]]</ref> as well as changing the gender marker on his driver's license to female. Overall, Chris has seemed to be more at peace with himself being "out" instead of suppressing his gay/trans thoughts, if not outright happier, in spite of his depressing lot in life and poor living conditions.

Chris's transition has been the subject of intense debate; views by external commentators on social media sites range from fully accepting of Chris's gender and sexuality, to scathingly critical, arguing that Chris is 'only pretending' to be trans to get romantic attention from heterosexual women, or is 'making the transgender community look bad', which isn't surprising given that Chris has mostly been rejected by most communities that he tries to join.

Chris' transition could also be a coping mechanism. Chris is attracted to something he could never understand([[Women]]), associating masculinity with the boys who bullied him. It is possible that as a result of never growing up and lack of success in his [[Love Quest]], he desperately latched on to this feminine persona.

Unsurprisingly, there are also debates on which pronouns to use when describing Chris, including from transgender observers themselves, who view the aforementioned arguments as gatekeeping, while a number of people in the LGBT community want nothing to do with Chris and would prefer he not be lumped in with them, especially in light of [[Affair with Mother|more recent events]]. Not helping matters is that Chris has utilized homophobic and transphobic language [[Chris and hypocrisy|whenever it suits him]], even after [[SLGBTQ|identifying as LGBT]]. Chris has also attempted to use his identity as a lesbian transwoman as an argument that [[List of places that have banned Chris|the people who have banned him from public places]] are being discriminatory against him and ''all'' lesbians and transwomen, much like he has done in the past with his [[Autism]], rather than as [[Kick the Autistic|often justified retribution for his bad behavior]].

==Signs of gender dysphoria==
[[File:S11-43.jpg|thumb|Chris describes his 2014 switchover in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]]]
'''Gender dysphoria''' is a feeling of conflict between a person's assigned biological sex and the gender that person identifies as, typically brought on by aspects of one's assigned gender. The trans community generally divides dysphoria into '''physical dysphoria''' (for aspects like hormones, genitals, or body characteristics) and '''social dysphoria''' (for aspects like names, pronouns, gender roles, makeup and clothing).

Symptoms in adults last at least six months and can include a belief of experiencing feelings socially associated with the desired gender, as well as wanting to be rid of the primary sex characteristics of the birth gender, have instead the sex characteristics associated with the desired gender, and be treated socially as the desired gender.<ref>https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria</ref>

Chris has exhibited signs of '''late-onset gender dysphoria''', a term describing those who begin to experience gender dysphoria in adulthood.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/gender-dysphoria</ref>

[[File:Da homos.jpg|thumb|left|Chris choosing between being transgender and being gay, in a 2009 panel from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Note his personal signature below that statement. (Ironically enough, Chris would eventually identify as [[Bisexual]], but would not undergo a gender reassignment surgery.)]]

===Early signs===
While Chris's experience is more reflective of late-onset gender dysphoria, instead of the idea that Chris was always trans but somehow kept that detail hidden from [[Trolls|prying eyes]], there have been some signs that can be interpreted as Chris having thoughts of moving away from being cisgendered. Chris's exploration of a female form of himself showed early with his desire to have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. He also added a twin [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] (also named Crystal) to the comic who strongly resembles a gender-swapped Chris. The reason behind the name:

{{quotebox|“Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>}}

In 2008, years before Chris began to crossdress, he made a remark that he felt some mild discomfort from looking at [[Duck|his own penis]].

{{quotebox|It's bad enough that I sometimes see my own when I look down (of which I don't feel as much discomfort), but the very sight of others is like kryptonite to me.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref>}}

He also has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> In 2008, he posted:

{{quotebox|I feel that I am truly in touch with my feminine side, to the point where I am capable of learning from that to better understand how to treat women in a caring, nuturing, positive way; I've also learned from Red Skelton of how to be a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder between my caring attitude and the lack of a Sweetheart if I was born the wrong gender; I would wonder what life would have been like if I had actually been born a girl.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]></ref>}}

===The Butterfly Effect===
The catalyst for Chris exploring crossdressing happened around 2011. There is some dispute as to the events that unfolded. According to [[User:Champthom|Champthom]]:<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Talk:Tomgirl_Pictures#Just_a_clarification</ref>

{{quoteboxorange|Someone said to Chris "You should get in touch with your feminine side!" and he ran wild with it.}}

However, when a fan asked [[Emily]] if she was the one to make that comment, she gave a different perspective:

{{quoteboxgreen|I've jokingly told him that before back when he was a dang dirty male and he would get pissed at me for it. What really kicked off the tomgirl and eventual tranny shit was some rando who was talking to Chris and suggested being a tomgirl since being a guy was too hard for him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (LoveYouLongTime)#Tomgirl]]</ref>}}

[[Surfshack Tito]] provided a similiar explanation:

{{quoteboxred|Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.}}

Both of those accounts are consistent with Gender Dysphoria's symptoms of wanting another gender's characteristics and feeling incompatible with a birth gender's social roles. Later that year, Chris also mentioned that in public places, he felt more comfort using the opposite sex's restroom rather than one matching his gender at birth, which is a common rite of passage for transgender people (even though Chris did not identify as transgender at this time).<ref name="Bathroom">[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]]</ref>

[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|thumb|200px|The dildo harness Chris used for tucking.]]
Over the next several years, Chris's feelings on his sex characteristics morphed into a loathing of his penis. In 2014, he took to forcing it to stay tucked with a makeshift harness.

{{quotebox|Males Offend Me, even my own Penis Totally Grosses Me Out! I am glad that I tuck it underneath my taint, so I do not have to look down at the Ugly Bulge!<ref>[[Un-clit]]</ref>}}

In 2016, Chris attempted a DIY gender transition using [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]. He was particularly drawn to tracks which claimed to convert a penis to a vagina.

{{quotebox|I would feel better knowing if the ovum do get created and further produced after the testies to ovaries transformation. ''[...]'' Ugh, we may not know for as late as six months after someone else uses the frequency set, gets herself examined, and confirms it.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>}}

Chris's dysphoria and impatience over the Subliminal Frequencies resulted in the [[self-inflicted taint wound]], an episode wherein he cut open his taint with a knife in an attempt to free his vagina.

In 2016, Chris saw a psychologist specializing in gender identity issues. The psychologist confirmed to him that he is transgender.<ref name=psychologist>Chris changed the gender marker on his driver's license to identify him as female in 2016. The procedure to do this in Virginia is to have a professional whose "practice includes the treatment and counseling of persons with gender identity issues" vouch for the person's gender identity on [https://web.archive.org/web/20161223001047/https://www.dmv.virginia.gov/webdoc/pdf/dl17.pdf this form]. Also mentioned by Chris in [[:File:SchuComic12-1P69.jpg|a ''Sonichu'' #12 page]]</ref>

[[File:Fetusbabe's cwc cosplay.jpg|thumb|left|How Chris views himself after becoming a Tomgirl.]]

===Miscellaneous signs===
Gender dysphoria explains a lot of Chris's past behavior; an example being Chris's insecurity in failing to live up to cultural perceptions of masculinity. His tendency to exaggerate or overcompensate for his fragile masculinity could be caused by subconsciously knowing that his intellectual gender does not match his biological sex. The way Chris interacted during the [[Kacey calls]] is another piece of evidence; normally, guys subconsciously lower the pitch of their voices to seem attractive to women, but when Chris was trying to woo Kacey, his voice drifted higher than hers. Additionally, Chris is known for his pathological hatred of change, unless the change is beneficial or positive for him. To assume Chris "became" trans purely for the quest for [[china]] is fairly extreme, as suddenly identifying by another gender identity is generally a life-changing event for anybody, and Chris has shown that he is incapable of substantially changing himself even with the [[Kacey|promise of a relationship]] laid in front of him.

===Autism and trans identity===
There is a correlation between [[autism]] and trans identity, though the exact reason for this correlation is still up for debate. According to a Dutch study, 7.8% of trans people are on the spectrum.<ref>https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/11/the-link-between-autism-and-trans-identity/507509/</ref> There are a number of similarities between the two disorders. Autistic people have a harder time picking up on social norms, including gender norms. Therefore, autistic people tend to have "androgynous" mental qualities and interests, and those people could perceive their brain difference as simply having the brain of the opposite gender. Both autistic and trans males tend to have mostly [[gal-pal]]s, because men tend to be rowdy and more explicitly judgmental. However, they may miss the socially complex and subtle elements of female socialization, and the actual women end up treating them with kid gloves.

The androgyny of autistic people has caught the interest of brain experts. MRI studies reveal that autistic men have "mosaic minds", which aren't just androgynous, but are extremely male in some aspects and extremely female in others. The autistic brain parts responsible for general thoughts are more masculine than the average man, with less connectivity and more localization. Autistic men excel at [[heart level|systemizing]] and struggle with [[Kindness|empathizing]], an exaggeration of the male profile. However, the parts of the brain responsible for sensation, perception and motion are more feminized.<ref>https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brains-men-autism-female-patterns/</ref> Like women, autistics have a high pain tolerance and a low pain threshold – observable in Chris. However, gender differences in the brain are only averages, and saying a man with feminine brain traits has a "female brain" is like saying a short man has a "female skeleton". Also, the gendering of autism is highly controversial, with many pointing out that the condition is a spectrum.

Kenneth Zucker, a controversial gender expert, found that gender dysphoria manifests as an obsession, and that autistic people may think they're trans if they fixate on the issue of gender.<ref>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613451/</ref>

It's also possible that Chris is genuinely transgender, but his transgender signs were "scrambled" through autism. This could be why he adapted nonstandard language for so long, and why he had to "ease into" his trans identity instead of coming out outright. For example, he identified as a tomgirl for years before his transgender identity came to the forefront, and he speaks of a "female soul" more than a "female brain."

==The transition==
===Tomgirl===
[[File:TG11.jpg|thumb|[[It's not that cold|"Would you fuck me,]] [[/cow/|789chan?]] [[Chris and his ego|I'd fuck me."]]]]

{{Quote|Yes, I am a Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be [[Homos|a full-blown you-know-what]]. ''[...]'' I have been more self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts, and I am greeting women left and right.|Chris<ref name=Jackie24>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Also, here is another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie.|Chris, Jackie email, May 6 2011<ref name=Jackie24></ref>}}

According to an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]] on 26 [[March 2011]], Chris started cross-dressing at the beginning of that month.<ref name="Jackie24"></ref> On 30 March 2011, Chris changed his [[PSN]] quote to the [[CWC-ism]] "I am Tomgirl".

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px|PSN quote]]

On 29 April, the [[Tomgirl Pictures]] were released by Surfshack Tito. In them, Chris is dressed in woman's clothing, posing in what he believes are seductive positions. For some reason, Chris removed the Tomgirl PSN quote immediately after PSN came back online after a month of inactivity on 14 May, possibly due to receiving attention from [[trolls]].

On 16 August 2011, Chris recorded [[Kaka Makeup Basics]], a makeup tutorial video, reinforcing his tomgirl identity.

To show his support to all tomgirls and tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]], consisting of a tomgirl, [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] (formerly Robbie, now Roberta), and tomboys [[Cera]] and [[Christine]].

Still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

===Lesbian-identified male===
On 14 August [[2014]], Chris revealed via [[Facebook]] that he was a self-described "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser", posting shortly afterward to be a lesbian in a male body<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref>. He also proclaimed that he is a supporter of "LBT" rights, which seems to have neatly coincided with the advent of his professed status as a transgender person. His omission of the "G" (Gay) was attacked by [[Kim Wilson|Kim]], in the face of which Chris admitted that the "G.M.s" were "fortunate" to be "on the boat", suggesting that he hadn't yet changed his views on [[Homos|gay men]].

In [[July 2014]], Chris had a vision, while meditating, about being a lesbian in a past life.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref> He took it as a sign affirming his gender identify. Years later, in a 2019 interview, he said:

{{quotebox|I had, exhibited but not totally realized my uh, feminine habits and traits and then it became more apparent to me that I was definitely soulfully a woman, due to the vision I had where I saw myself in a past lifetime by the tree at Woodstock and I was a woman then so yep, I'm soulfully a woman, so, so it's a good thing to go on from there and I never regretted it.<ref>[[Jackson Dalton]]</ref>}}

In September 2014, a fan inquired on his preferred gender and pronouns. Chris replied that he was very comfortable being referred to by either pronoun, adding that he would be flattered at being mistaken as a woman. He added that he did not currently have plans to change his name.<ref>[[Misc texts#Name change question]]</ref>

He began going to the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in fall 2014.

===Lesbian transwoman===
{{quote|I am a (Female Soul) Transwoman (no operation yet), And a Lesbian.|Chris, January 2015<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#Baby, Chris Was Born This Way]]</ref>}}

[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris(tine)'s new driver's license and "woman card". His signature is surprisingly neat considering the [[Chris and art|quality of his art]]. Also, the woman card probably looks great next to his [[autism]] card.]]

In Spring 2015, Chris changed his mind on his pronoun and name and referred to himself as Christine (apparently ignorant that Christian was originally a female name), a "Lesbian TransWoman", using female pronouns.<ref>[[Facebook#Contact and Basic Info]]</ref>

In May 2015, Chris turned his fursona, [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], into a lesbian transwoman. He also wrote about a fantasy in which Chris-chan Sonichu impregnates himself with his own semen to produce two children.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref>

After being rejected as a sperm donor the previous year, Chris tried his own DIY method to preserve his sperm for the possibility of gender surgery. [[Chris's Specimen Sample]] is a video of him showing off his collection of semen in Tupperware containers in his [[kitchen]] freezer, and dates on the containers indicate he was doing this for at least nine months, though this was futile as the sperm was destroyed by placing it in a home freezer.

In [[May 2016]], he successfully filed for a [[name change]] to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref name=christinenamechange></ref> Later, with the help of his gender psychologist, he also filed paperwork with the DMV for a new driver's license identifying him as female, which was granted.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

Chris was unaware that he also had the option to update his birth certificate; upon finding out, he decided not to, stating:

{{quotebox|I had no idea one can update their birth certificate too. For me though, I’d leave mine the way it is, because I am not going to deny my own history and past. I was born male, and dubbed “Christopher”, but I realized I was female the whole time and changed my name to “Christine” soon enough. And to have those on my drivers license is good enough for me.<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/1034472015942565888</ref>}}

The [[self-inflicted taint wound]], Chris's attempt to free his imaginary vagina, happened in summer 2016. In fall, Chris began taking HRT.<ref name=hormonetherapy></ref>

He attended LGBT events such as [[Cville Pride]], [[Love is Love]] and [[UVA Remembers Pulse]], and considered himself to be a member of the [[SLGBTQ]] community.

===Bisexual transwoman===
{{main|Bisexual}}

In early 2018, Chris suddenly announced that he identified as [[bisexual]] rather than lesbian - the result of [[brainwashing]] from the [[Idea Guys]] to make Chris think he was in relationships with fictional male characters.

==Interest in sexual reassignment surgery==
In the years before he formally identified as transgender, Chris had given some thought to sex reassignment surgeries. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref>

Chris's thoughts on the procedure shifted over time. In his pre- and early-transgender state, his opinion was essentially that MTF transwomen should not undertake the surgery as it would not grant them functional female reproductive organs.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> Later, as his gender identity changed, he became more open to the idea, but wanted to hold off until either [[Crystal]] was conceived or his sperm could be preserved.

{{quote|If [my child was a] Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, mid-2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally, he must first impregnate someone (he can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent.")<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> Second, his belief that his penis could still be useful for relationship purposes - wanting to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina."<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

During 2014, Chris stated that he was contemplating sexual reassignment surgery.

{{quote|I Hate Being Born A Male, and after I have my children, I am getting an Organ Sex Change Operation!|Chris, hoping to impregnate someone who will give him a baby boy and a baby girl.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>}}

He tried to fulfill the prophecy of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]'s birth by using a sperm bank, however, the bank rejected him.<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Need my daughter]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

In 2020, when Chris was asked about if he would be getting a sexual reassignment surgery, he answered with the following:

{{quote|Yes, and [[Chris and reality|this body is going to become fully, genuinely transformed and birth-able]].|Chris<ref>[[Discord Q&A 7]]</ref>}}

Chris, presumably realizing that his [[semen]] would no longer be potent enough to conceive a child due to hormone replacement therapy that he was utilizing, now seems to think that he's got another way to make Crystal and [[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]] real. It goes without saying that Male-To-Female transgender people cannot conceive children due to the way that a natural male body is structured, and even though research on the possibility of transplanting a uterus into an MTF body is being done, it would likely be way too expensive for Chris to try, [[Chris and health|presuming that he'd even be healthy enough or physically capable of bearing children]] by the time that such a medical breakthrough could be realized. How Chris plans to get the money to get a sex change or a hypothetical uterine transplantation amidst the [[Financhu Crisis]] remains unclear; it's entirely possible that Chris believes that some part of the [[Dimensional Merge]] will allow him to fully become a woman and allow him to fulfill his fantasy of becoming a parent.

Not that Chris could afford sex reassignment anyway, as it costs thousands of dollars, while Chris [[Financhu Crisis|struggles to pay his basic bills]] and [[Chris and money|spends what little he does save on frivolities]] like trips to [[BronyCon]]. It's even more impossible now that he's been incarcerated.

==List of Chris's MTF transition methods==
[[File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|thumb|250px|Chris's menstrual pads]]

Chris has made several attempts to transition into a true and honest woman. Unfortunately for him, he has a strong belief in junk science and miracle cures. As a result, his initial favored methods produced no benefits or were harmful to his health.

In 2016, he saw a psychologist over his gender transition.<ref name=psychologist></ref>

*[[Hair|Growing out his hair]]
*[[Chris and fashion|Changing his clothing]]
*[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Shaved eyebrows|Shaving his eyebrows]]
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS#Menstrual pads|Using menstrual pads]]
*[[Un-clit|Piercing his taint and letting it get inflamed]]
*[[September_2015_Facebook_Posts#Spoiler_Alert:_It.27s_a_Fake_Vagina|Requesting his fans to fund a prosthetic vagina]]
*[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs|Wearing a vibrating bra]]
*[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Taking Oestrogel without physician approval]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]
*[[My Breast Massage Routine 18+|Breast massaging]]
*[[Self-inflicted taint wound#Self-inflicted?|Cutting open his taint with a knife]]
*[[Chris and health#Hormone_treatment|Female hormone vitamins]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT|Going on actual hormone replacement therapy]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid|Eating prunes and putting soy sauce on everything]]

===Voice training===
[[File:TransTimeline.png|thumb|left|350px|Chris's self-posted transition timeline from 2009 to 2019, when Chris was on feminizing hormone therapy for 3 years. Aside from having longer [[hair]] and the fat distribution shifting around the facial area due to using HRT ([[Obesity|and getting progressively fatter over the years]]), Chris's appearance is largely the same post-transition [[Chris and health#Hygiene|due to poor hygiene]] and likely misapplying the transition-related materials that had been prescribed to him.]]Chris has been making an effort to feminize his voice, but instead of pulling off a convincing femme voice like some other trans women, he talks with a Mickey Mouse falsetto. The falsetto often drops down to his old voice at some point in a given video, sometimes as soon as he introduces himself. He has also ditched his monotone speech pattern for an extreme sing-song tone, especially when he adds bits of [[random-access humor]]. In [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|Q&A NO MORE]], he continued to affect a feminine voice when he was yelling, resulting in a cartoonish witch-like scream.

Ironically, Chris's pre-transition voice was already naturally high, around the same fundamental pitch as [[Chris and reality#Psychological problems|a child]]. Instead of going even higher in pitch, he could have worked on feminizing his resonance (the "buzz" of a male voice) and inflections with daily practice, possibly with the help of a voice trainer. But alas, that takes [[Stress|effort]].

===Hormone therapy===
{{see also|Chris and health#Gender transitioning}}

At first, between 2015 through fall 2016, Chris attempted using [[Oestrogel]] as a DIY hormone therapy method. Since Oestrogel is a hormone replacement gel meant for menopausal women, and Chris's self-regimen consisted of slathering entirely too much of the medication on himself, any effects were questionable and a potential health risk.

Chris eventually went on a prescribed HRT treatment consisting of estradiol and spironolactone<ref>[[Sachumo Interview]]</ref> around the fall of 2016.<ref name=hormonetherapy>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref> The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] explained:

{{quoteboxgreen|Basically if you say the right things to a therapist for a few months, they'll write you a recommendation for HRT and send you to an endocrinologist. Chris was referred to one at UVA. They gave him a script and made him sign away liability (the "informed consent" part).<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#HRT]]</ref>}}

Chris also mentioned taking hormones to [[Idea Guy]]:

{{quoteboxred|I can say that Chris knows the fact that he shortened his lifespan taking those hormones. In fact, I wouldn’t say he’s suicidal, so much as he’s fine with the idea he could die sooner. I dunno if it counts as his view of reality, but Chris thinks he might be able to have a baby once the transition is complete (I have nothing to do with that. Chris said it’s a possibility he could get pregnant).<ref name=ig>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>}}

Chris's health insurance, the taxpayer-funded Medicare program, covers HRT.<ref>https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare</ref>

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris still took HRT, shown by a medical receipt from [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]].<ref>[[Jail Art (reverse side)#Goddess At Work]]</ref>

==Reactions==
Being a rural southerner, Chris comes from a conservative region and background. His parents are conservative, and anti-LGBT sentiment is strong outside college and LGBT circles. In addition, forums documenting Chris (from [[4chan]] to [[Kiwi Farms]]) tend to be "politically incorrect" and tell things "like it is". As you'd might expect, reactions to Chris's transition are overwhelmingly negative. While the trans community was comparatively more welcoming to Chris than other groups, a number of trans activists distanced themselves from Chris following the incest incident, while others found it reprehensible but felt an obligation to respect his preferred pronouns.

===Parents===
[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|thumb|250px|A panel from [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] of an autobiographical narrative of Chris coming out as a tomgirl to his parents.]]

Chris's parents were not happy when he began crossdressing. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] "threw the damned 'fag' card" at Chris.<ref name=ComingOut>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents]]</ref> [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] made negative remarks, such as "I didn't raise a daughter",<ref name=ComingOut></ref> "do not wear eye shadow", "you look like [[Stephanie Bustcakes|a prostitute]]", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker", "you're turning into a [[homos|gay]]", "[[Un-clit|what are you piercing next?]]" and "what's next, you [[I Love You, Catherine|wearing a skirt]] and high heels?".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>

Barbara also tried to pay Chris to stop wearing panties and go back to wearing briefs – however, Chris refused.<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers]]</ref>

During [[May 2011]], an angry Barbara chopped Chris's hair short in a failed attempt to stop his crossdressing, prompting Chris to call her a bitch:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

{{quotebox|My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer; murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much. And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can not be seen in public with this short-hair mess. }}

Chris then remarked, "I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us."

Before Bob passed away in the fall of 2011, he told Chris he accepted and loved him for who he is.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref>

Over the next few years, Barbara remained opposed to Chris's crossdressing. Chris stated in 2014: "I would cross dress more often if my mother was not against me doing it (panties and bra included, but wear them anyway)."<ref>According to Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile</ref> However, Barbara's resistance gradually diminished and Chris resumed openly crossdressing. When Chris legally changed his name to Christine in 2016, he did so behind Barb's back, though she later found out and was livid with him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (MasterDisaster)#Name Change Drama]]</ref>

Chris's gender identity may be the only significant thing in which he has successfully resisted the will of his parents.

===Locals===
In May 2011, Chris recounted an experience where he got yelled at by a [[jerkop]] for going to the women's restroom and said that, though he felt embarrassed, he would continue using the women's restroom while crossdressing as "there is no goin' back for me".<ref name="Bathroom" />

In June 2011, Chris was shopping at [[Sheetz]] when a man, seeing him in his crossdressing attire, asked him if he was gay, to which an upset Chris replied, "No, I AM a Tomgirl."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref>

In a January 2019 tweet, Chris claimed his neighbor "across the street from me shouted angrily at me; blaming me for his child questioning their Gender Identity".<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1088995002221559808</ref>

===Fans===
Chris' transition tends to divide many of the observers to his antics. Many who are in the LGBT community support Chris' transition, whilst those critical of him argue that the transition was just an attempt to get with women, and that his gender identity shouldn't be respected because he isn't actually transgender. There are also those who reject the concept of transgender people in its entirety, believing biological sex to be a characteristic that cannot be altered with any amount of surgery or medical treatments (a viewpoint which this wiki does not endorse or condemn), and thus treating Chris as no different to any other transgender individual in refusing to refer to them by their chosen name or pronouns. Overall, most people who follow Chris and his antics tend to refer to Chris using male pronouns and his pre-transition name, a trend extending to [[CWCki|this very wiki]].

==Effect on the Love Quest==

{{quote|And for nothing more than the experience, you may give me a try in private. Protected and no penetration required. I have an open mind for what you may desire. traditional for the straight women. clit-rubbing and pussy eating for the lesbians. And any way for the bisexual women. Massages, making out, lots of attention and eye contact, and whatever else desired, for all Women regardless of orientation!|Chris, May 2015<ref name=may2015posts>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

{{quote|And one can view the male part like an extended clitoris, regardless of what it actually is. Put a condom on it, and rub the side against a clitoris, not only Really does good for me, but I imagine and empathize stimulating for her as well.|Chris<ref name=may2015posts></ref>}}

Chris's gender dysphoria issues influenced the scope of his [[love quest]]. As Chris is biologically male while identifying as a female, but still heterosexual, he remained attracted only to women. To resolve this, he identified as a lesbian in order to address both his gender identity and sexuality. Chris also tried to leverage his biologically male body in an attempt to appeal to women of other sexual orientations. On various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being "compatible with all women", or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. In practice, Chris actually reduced his female dating pool dramatically – straight women are the majority, and they generally are not attracted to trans women. Chris is essentially limited to lesbian and bisexual women who are open to dating trans women, and that's ignoring actual interpersonal chemistry.

All of Chris's prior problems with establishing a real romantic relationship with anyone pre-transition are still present. [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|His attempt to get to the point and solicit sex]] also fell through, [[Carlos Chantor|much like it did previously]] – mainly because [[Father Call|Chris is perceived as being undesirable as a romantic partner for a multitude of reasons]].

Ultimately, Chris would give up on trying to find a real [[boyfriend-free girl]] and would instead engage in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with several [[imaginary friend]]s after being encouraged to do so by the [[Idea Guys]], although he would later indicate dissatisfaction with not being romantically involved with real people.<ref>[[February 2021 social media posts#Message to the faker and hater trolls]]</ref> This came to a head in [[June 2021]], when he is alleged to have begun [[Affair with Mother|sexual acts against his own mother]]. When the [[Jerkops|authorities]] [[Incest Arrest|took him away]], he was booked into Central Virginia Regional Jail under his [[Jerk|True and Honest Godbear-given gender]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oyoq0h/its_official_chris_has_been_transferred_into_his/</ref>

==Influence from the LGBT community==
[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|Chris in [[2016]]]]
[[File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png|thumb|150px|Chris likes a Lizzy the Lezzy post promoting usage of a vibrating bra.]]

Chris followed a Facebook account named Lizzy the Lezzy. In September 2015, he liked a post linking to a clickbait article about a vibrating bra with the claim it could increase breast size in a week.<ref>[[:File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png]]</ref> A few months later, Chris made his own vibrating bra contraption.<ref>[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs]]</ref>

He also followed LGBT News. In May 2017, he commented on a post from them which linked to a theoretical article about a possible surgery for trans-women to become pregnant.<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref>

{{quote|Ah-Ha! I Knew it! I can eventually be a mother! :)}}

Chris also followed outspoken members of the trans community on Twitter and sometimes agrees with their statements.

One such example is when LifeofBria claimed that trans women have periods:

{{quoteboxgreen|Nobody teaches trans girls about our periods. We just get these weird times where we're moody and crampy and sad and we don't know why and just chalk it up to another reason we're not good enough in life. So, just so you all know: Trans. Girls. Get. Periods.}}

Chris answered:

{{quote|Yes we do. Even the possible hot flashes are no fun either. I’m feeling some of my period today. At least they pass and we can feel better when they do. 😊<ref>https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1016786884192808962</ref>}}

==Deadname==
{{quote|I'm neutral about people calling me "Chris" or "Christine" but I would like if you Good People would respect my chosen name.|Chris's paradoxical thoughts on the matter.<ref name=deadname></ref>}}

{{quote|<nowiki>***Christine***</nowiki> you FUCKING INTERNET DOUCHEWHORE!|Chris<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Meltdown on Twitter]]</ref>}}

During his transition, Chris has occasionally become annoyed at people for referring to him as Chris instead of Christine, despite the fact that [[wikipedia:Chris|Chris]] (as a short form name) is unisex.<ref name=deadname>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Short on Cash]]</ref> He doesn't have an issue with "Chris Chan", seeing that "Chris Chan Sonichu" is his [[Twitter]] name.

==Pronouns==
Chris tends to use the preferred pronouns of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

The sole exception occurred under troll manipulation, in which he flip-flopped between referring to the troll transwoman character [[Jeff Ouzuo]] with female and male pronouns.

==Terminology==
While exploring his gender identity, he navigated a linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl'', leading to some confusion as he adapted and experimented. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> Chris also used the term ''tranny'' to describe himself prior to actually committing to being transgender, which is a can of worms due to its association as a derogatory term against trans people.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Apparently unbeknownst to Chris, intersex is a chromosomal condition causing ambiguous genitalia and can present in many forms, none of which appear to be true of Chris. Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic1193.jpg|200px|thumb|ELECTRIC SEX CHANGE POWER! PEW!]]

Before exploring transgenderism, Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community.

In [[Sonichu 11]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan]] learns of his future self's identity and reflects on it, reasoning that he is not fond of partaking in "brutish things" following his meaningless destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building and subsequent murdering of several inhabitants, his battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in which he permanently paralyzes her with lighting-based weaponry, and his then-retconned execution of the [[Asperpedia Four]]. Chris then magically starts transforming into a voluptuous woman, a sequence inspired by artist Miss Mako and her collection of genderbending videos. To him, transitioning is a technique that simply requires an epiphany and [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] powers to immediately turn into a full-fledged woman.

Chris drew his avatar - [[Chris Chan Sonichu]]/[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] - with the traits he's always desired since becoming a tomgirl, such as eyelashes, bigger breasts and wider hips, revealing very much of what kind of results Chris wishes to get from his transition. Chris Chan Sonichu and Comic Chris are become canonically transgender - becoming a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” who became pregnant with twins via self-insemination with a turkey baster containing his own semen.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> Miscellaneous design changes for the transgender Chris Chan Sonichu include the trademark female Pikachu tail; and the color of his shoes change from black and white to turquoise and lime green.

[[Robbie Sonichu]] has a storyline in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] about his gender transition which closely mirrors Chris's own, from identifying as male, to tomgirl, to lesbian transwoman.

''Sonichu'' #12 features a short autobiographical narrative of Chris's gender transition at the conclusion of Episode 26.

{{Wise|[[Rosechu]] is a MTF transwoman.<ref name=ig></ref> Chris was initially shocked over thinking he was wrong about Rosechu and was hesitant to make the change<ref>[[December 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref> but later accepted it in full and physically altered [[Sonichu 15]]'s pages to reflect Rosechu's trans identity.}}

==The Sonichu bodyswap==
{{SonichuPossession}}
{{quote|And you all know one thing that is also bugging me right now?

Some time recently, Chris felt like prettying my body’s bit for her own identity. I could not pull off wearing a white jacket on my body while I was in it. But the whopper; she put mascara on my face; extending my short eyelashes. It really bothered me.|<ref name=splitpersonality>[[The Place chats (January 2021)#Depression Over Reality]]</ref>}}

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris puts mascara on Sonichu.]]

As a spin-off of his [[Dimensional Merge]] [[coping]] mechanism, Chris has claimed that he has [[Spirit possession|swapped bodies]] with [[imaginary friend]] [[Sonichu]], allowing Chris's spirit to manage affairs in dimension [[C-197]]. This has resulted in psychological conflict between Chris's escapism and his gender dysphoria issues, as the imaginary friend Sonichu identifies as a male while Chris identifies as a female. In chat with [[The Place]] from 17 January 2021,<ref name=splitpersonality></ref> as well as on Twitter the following day,<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#Bodyswap announcement]]</ref> "Sonichu"-in-Chris's-body complained about Chris-in-Sonichu's-body putting mascara on.

{{clear}}

==Transition Timeline Gallery==
{{see also|Tomgirl Pictures}}

<center><gallery>
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring proto-Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, wearing earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:Oj57ACG.jpg|With double-decker eyebrows.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|Holding his box of menstrual pads.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 2.jpeg
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Chris with a mullet in March 2013.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender" in 2014.
File:Chris may 2015.jpg|Chris in May 2015
File:ChrisTwitterProfileFeb2019.jpg|Photo from February 2019
</gallery></center>

== Fan art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Tomboygirl.jpg|thumb|Chris's dream.
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg|[[It's not that cold|GOODBYE HORSES.]]
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png|Fan art that was actually made canon years later.
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
File:Whatcouldbe.jpg
File:ChantomimeDame.png|[[TRUE and HONEST]] picture from Chris's brief stint in British theatre
File:Chris's_True_Lego_Form.png|A true and honest minifigure.
File:ChrisBill.jpg|There are probably more, but here are the major ones.
File:Frickinlove1.jpg|Tomgirl Chris and SammyClassicSonicFan: the one true pairing.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sexuality}}
{{Health}}
[[Category:Gender dysphoria]]

User talk:Sorades

2024-05-12T08:41:47Z

Sorades: /* My Final Reminder */

== Edits ==

Hi, I notice that some of your edits lean towards [[A-logging]]. Like calling Chris a lunatic in a protip or writing that he'll be weeded out of the gene pool. I think it would be better to tone down on it. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 09:32, 17 March 2024 (EDT)
:Hello there, this is a second reminder to turn down your a-logging. We understand Chris is a repulsive human being but your insults are contributing nothing worthwhile to this wiki. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 11:47, 27 March 2024 (EDT)

Alright

::You've now been given three reminders by three different mods to turn down the a-logging, and it seems that you're still doing it despite that, as well as adding back text that was removed by other editors for specific reasons (like the "do not contact" protips). I'm going to issue a temporary ban on your account, it will expire in 7 days unless the other mods decide to shorten it. When you return, consider altering your editing style to be less aggressive/antagonistic towards Chris and the people around him, otherwise further consequences may be imposed upon you. [[User:Anaxis|Anaxis]] ([[User talk:Anaxis|talk]]) 17:58, 11 April 2024 (EDT)

==My Final Reminder==
Despite a temporary ban, it appears you are still up to your alogging antics. This is my final reminder to cut that out. If you still do so, you will be facing a longer, possibly permanent ban. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 15:38, 8 May 2024 (EDT)

What was the problem now? There are edits much harsher than what i have written. People call him retard here, yet you are upset over me pointing out his lack of manners and the fact that some of his acquaintances actually never liked him. -[[User:Sorades|Sorades]] ([[User talk:Sorades|talk]]) (EDT)

User talk:Larry the Larryhog

2024-05-10T06:37:17Z

Sorades:

{{Protip|Please do not warn me about the spambots. I can easily know what and where they are.}}

==Sonichu: The Animated Series Discussion==

Dude the one before is way much better, why change to this simple and mediocre one?
::The article I changed into is captured from the [https://web.archive.org/web/20160420184753/sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_the_animated_series Wayback Machine] from 2015, before it was deleted. I initially created the page to recreate how the article was. Also, I thought the current article is a bit too cluttered and full of unnecessary info and lacks videos. And one more thing Mokele95, SIGN YOUR POST. This can be done by pressing "~" four times. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 20:39, 16 May 2018 (UTC)
::::I agree that maybe the article needs video links, but I don't see how it's cluttered with unnecessary info.[[User:Y0h 513nn R3n|Y0h 513nn R3n]] ([[User talk:Y0h 513nn R3n|talk]]) 18:31, 18 May 2018 (UTC)
:::::To me, the article talks a little too much about Spazkid and some of the minor characters in the series. There are also too much speculations in Chris' thoughts subsection. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 19:48, 18 May 2018 (UTC)

==My Interaction with Sean Miller==
Please delete thatstupid page about me
::No problem, just don’t self promote yourself on your user page and sign yout post by pressing ~ 4 times. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 12:27, 4 August 2018 (UTC)
Stfu I didnt make it. Just delete the damn thing

== Financhu Wordle ==

In [[:File:Financhu Wordle.png|Financhu Wordle.png]], I noticed that the word “flub” seems to be the most used word. I know of the The Brothers Flub video, but as a person freshly interested in the Sonichu saga, are there any other videos where he said “flub”?

I ask this because I probably have to explain why “flub” appears to be the most used word in the wordle (in the [[Financhu Crisis]] article). --[[User:Little Owl|Little Owl]] ([[User talk:Little Owl|talk]]) 23:12, 15 April 2019 (UTC)
::A quick google search tells me that to "flub" is a blunder or to make a blunder. He probably used it in a way that the mistakes he made prior caused the crisis. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 00:14, 16 April 2019 (UTC)
:::I understand the definition of “flub”: the question is whether the Facebook posts or The Brothers Flub video was the main factor in the size, in order to clear things up for readers of the Financhu Crisis article. It is worth noting that I do not use (and have never used) Facebook due to the numerous problems with the site, and the fact that Facebook is just a waste of time for me. Thanks in advance anyway, --[[User:Little Owl|Little Owl]] ([[User talk:Little Owl|talk]]) 13:54, 16 April 2019 (UTC)
::::It has nothing to do with the cartoon series. "Flub" is a slang term used in North America, something Chris would be familiar with. I agree with you on how word was mostly used in Facebook. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 14:50, 16 April 2019 (UTC)
It's all good, thanks: after all, I am from the other side of the Atlantic. --[[User:Little Owl|Little Owl]] ([[User talk:Little Owl|talk]]) 19:29, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

== New Spambots ==

LizzieUpchurch, GWULinwood‎ and JoseKeisler0‎ are spamming stuff about San Francisco and Penis enlargement pills. [[User:Homsar|Homsar]] ([[User talk:Homsar|talk]]) 04:42, 20 April 2019 (UTC)
::Done. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 06:15, 20 April 2019 (UTC)

== More Spambots==
There are more spambots attacking the wiki. I've added in the deletion template on all of them. Can you do something about this? If so, thank you! [[User:The amazing owen|The amazing owen]] ([[User talk:The amazing owen|talk]]) 19:18, 21 April 2019 (UTC)
::Done -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 21:09, 21 April 2019 (UTC)

== Reducing the impact of spambots ==

I’ve [[User_talk:Canine#Feedback:_skip_captcha_for_legitimate_users|asked]] Canine to see if they can add a few extensions to reduce the impact of the spambots. I suggested UserMerge, which would allow you to merge the spambots into one blocked account. I also suggested activating the Renameuser extension to deal with the spam accounts whose user names are spam itself, but I think we would end up using the former more than the latter.

Sorry for sounding too technical, but as I said to [[user talk:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]], I have experience in running MediaWiki sites. Best regards, --[[User:Little Owl|Little Owl]] ([[User talk:Little Owl|talk]]) 23:13, 21 April 2019 (UTC)

== Dated Template ==

Hey, I've noticed that my edits to the Dated template have been reverted. I just feel like we need the template updated seeing how Bob is already dead, and the image that Chris just took of his mother just seemed a bit more fitting, as she does look to be on the verge of her deathbed as well. [[User:PsychoNerd054|PsychoNerd054]] ([[User talk:PsychoNerd054|talk]]) 04:17, 20 November 2019 (UTC)
::I don't know, I just don't like the new pic of Barb being used for the template. And it's not just because of its angle. Maybe we should upload a cropped version to fit it better? -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 04:21, 20 November 2019 (UTC)
::Maybe instead of using a person, we could use an object that suggests the passage of time. Like [[:File:Frozen sperm (720p).mp400001.png]] or [[:File:ChrisC64Tapes.jpg]]. [[User:Hurtful Truth Level|Hurtful Truth Level]] ([[User talk:Hurtful Truth Level|talk]]) 04:18, 21 November 2019 (UTC)
:::Good Point, if we use Barb, who is probably going to die soon, it have the same problems as having Bob in the template.[[User:PsychoNerd054|PsychoNerd054]] ([[User talk:PsychoNerd054|talk]]) 04:21, 21 November 2019 (UTC)

== transcriptions ==
Is there an official page on how trancriptions are supposed to look. For example in the Jack Thaddeus calls the entire sentences are couloured, whereas in the other trabscriptions only the names are coloured. Which one do I follow?- [[User:Klop|Klop]] ([[User talk:Klop|talk]]) 16:51, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
::The official transcription protocol from what I know calls for only the names to be colored. Because of that, I suggest you follow the latter. [[CWCki:Transcription Style|Look here for more info]].-[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 18:58, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
Got it, should I edit that page and add that only the names must be coloured. Also completed Jack call 1. I'll do the others when I want something mind numbingly boring to do.[[User:Klop|Klop]] ([[User talk:Klop|talk]]) 02:42, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
::It's up to you now. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 15:47, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

==Discord==
Hey, you joined the discord today right? Just realised that I should have confirmed before giving mod. - [[User:Klop|klop]] ([[User talk:Klop|talk]])
::That was me, thanks for the confirmation. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 17:49, 16 July 2020 (UTC)

== Operation Snowball article ==

Hey, just wondering about the article "Operation Snowball" that you created. Where did you find that/is there a source we can attribute? [[User:Holdek|Holdek]] ([[User talk:Holdek|talk]]) 17:58, 18 June 2022 (UTC)

== Can you please rename [[Surfshack Tito (troll)]] to just [[Surfshack Tito]]? ==

That disambiguation page has no reason to exist. ―[[User:KUG.SIG17|KUG.SIG17]] ([[User talk:KUG.SIG17|talk]]) 22:07, 18 July 2022 (UTC)
::There is a [[Surfshack Tito (video)|video]] that Chris uploaded that has the exact same name as the troll. -[[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] ([[User talk:Larry the Larryhog|talk]]) 04:50, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::Yes, [[Surfshack Tito (video)]] stays the same and the content of [[Surfshack Tito (troll)]] is moved to the current disambiguation page. The two pages are very different in importance, and I assume everyone who searches or links to ‘Surfshack Tito’ is thinking of the troll, not the video. Here’s {{w|WP:PRIMARYTOPIC|Wikipedia’s policy}}: ‘A topic is primary for a term with respect to usage if it is highly likely—much more likely than any other single topic, and more likely than all the other topics combined—to be the topic sought when a reader searches for that term.’ --[[User:KUG.SIG17|KUG.SIG17]] ([[User talk:KUG.SIG17|talk]]) 11:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

== Would you please stop reverting my edits without any explanation? ==

This is the 4th time or so that you removed my edit without any reason and now accusing me of a-logging. How do you even define a-logging? There are edits on this site much harsher than what i wrote. The way in which i describe Chris is based off how people around him perceive him. [[User:Larry the Larryhog|Sorades]] ([[User talk:Sorades|talk]])

Sweetheart

2024-05-08T07:47:41Z

Sorades: /* Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart? */ Added yet another point regarding his manners. I think this is also worth mentioning because it's another major turn off for a potential sweetheart.

{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] [[Mia Hamm|(which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart)]], and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and [[Affair with Mother|having sex with his mother]]. Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his [[Love Quest]] aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for [[Kacey]]. Based on [[Chris and work|his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever]], it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with [[Crystal Weston Chandler|a kid]] [[Reginald Chandler|or two]]. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents [[14 Branchland Court|and their hoard]], who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Two's company snapshots|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old (though not conclusive, as Barb was 79 years old back then)
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==
[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that a special someone is waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea. (However, an argument could be made that [[Jacob Sockness]] qualifies.)

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a 42 year old man who plays with children's toys and video games all day and lived with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] up until age 39 (when authorities separated them due to him committing [[incest]] with her). Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are completely foreign concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid shit he doesn't need]]. Even when this habit [[Financhu Crisis|sank the Chandler finances into an all-time low]], he refused to take responsibility; he instead [[Please, Donate|resorted]] [[Donation Request|to]] [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|e]]-[[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|begging]] [[Donations_Requested,_Please|a]] [[Donations_Required,_Serious._Please_help|very]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_1|large]] [[Reading_"Unicorns,_Rainbows,_and_a_Bluebird_of_Happiness"_Chapter_2|number]] [[Announcement_06292016|of]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|times]] like a child to make up for his failure to put the simplest of money aside for [[McDonald's|food]], bills and medicine. On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He didn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd have dumped this responsibility on his elderly mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that bother women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repugnant to women (and men alike); in the infamous [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream "manchild", and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His [[transgender]] identity hasn't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's ''Failosophy'']], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy]], provided he wasn't joking).

'''3) Chris is not trustworthy.''' Chris is known to [[List of Chris's lies|lie a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can grievously damage a woman's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On his date with [[Catherine]], he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with [[Megan]] shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "[[Cousin Al]]" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point.

'''4) Chris has no manners.''' Autistic individuals often find it challenging to understand and interpret social norms and manners. That doesn't mean they are incapable of understanding or learning them, though. They acquire these skills during their childhood through therapies, special education programs, and parental guidance. In contrast, Chris received none of them, and as a result, he continues to lack an understanding of social norms and manners. Chris has a nasty habit of burping and farting in his videos as well as in public. While both are normal for people to do, they can be mitigated by suppressing them, going to the toilet, going on a diet, or apologizing when they do happen. Chris doesn't have the decency to do any of them. At one point, Chris was banned from [[Anytime Fitness]] after receiving multiple complaints from angry gymgoers. He also thought it would be a great idea to record himself [[Fanta|drinking a concoction of Fanta and his own bodily fluids]].

'''5) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started [[Transgender|dressing in feminine attire]], Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. When first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''6) Chris has poor hygiene.''' Chris takes little to no care of his personal hygiene. Chris has been described as having a putrid smell by people who met him in person, such as [[Emily]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and other field agents. For a while, Chris used [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower, as implied in an [[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|ad]] for one of his Sonichu comics, seemingly oblivious to the fact that people can still detect his stench through all that deodorant. He also admits to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|literally shitting his pants]] on multiple occasions, most recently in 2021 (as far as we know). While his hygiene did [[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021|seemingly improve during his stay in jail]], it's unclear if it lasted, as he has since been described as smelling foul by [[Post-jail sightings (2023)#Earthbound Trading Company|at least one witness, though another witness in the same vicinity has stated the contrary.]]

'''7) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''8) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that "all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]", a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of an animated character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jail time brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''9) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and art|several]] [[Chris and music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares ''[[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]]'', and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the aforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[2014 house fire|burned to the ground]], the result of him choosing to brew coffee in his bathroom with an extension cable propped over the door. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too [[Chris and his Ego|egotistical and stubborn]] [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money|managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a [[Financhu Crisis|financial nightmare]]. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''10) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''[[Honest Content|himself]]'', there are literally [[Affair with Mother|volumes]] [[Death threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween emailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarrassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''11) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a children's book to try to get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role of the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead, he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, and the few "friends" he had were either hired by his parents to babysit their autistic son because they didn't know how to or were trolls from the very beginning, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

== Present situation ==

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

In July 2015,<ref>[https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Sweetheart&diff=188584&oldid=188265 Revision] as of 26 July 2015.</ref> the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the [[Dimensional Merge]]. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his [[Love Quest]] by marrying some of his [[Polyamorous marriage|imaginary OCs]], and then [[Love_Quest#Idea Guys influences|declined]] an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even ''more'' unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late [[July 2021]], the [[incest call]] was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11]] of the internet" by some, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now [[Flutter|another potential contender for this role]], it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
* [[List of Love Quest candidates]]
* [[Boyfriend-free girl]]
* [[Gal pal]]
* [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]
* [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
* [[Love Quest]]
* [[Noviophobia]]
* [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

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