CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Mailbag 47

2012-02-22T17:30:49Z

Svenporks: /* All kids see hedgehog pokemon vaginas eventually */

Keith Keithson here, just so you know, if Chris responds to my letter with something like "Mao cleared the history for Alec" or "Alec erased the history" my next letter will be a challenge to make either Chris or the Sysop do the same. Though I'm expecting him to delete it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:40, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

GodJesus bless you, MoarLurk. Chris fed you some bullshit. I was wanting some real answers, too. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 03:33, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
*Oh goody, he's still in denial over the Queen and I think I might be able to persuade him to show the report cards by questioning the honor roll. I can just imagine the anger he'll show.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 06:03, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

Family Guy

2010-02-16T01:30:57Z

Svenporks:

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris's favorite Family Guy character, [[Pedofork|Herbert]]. ''Get your fat ass back here!'']]

''[[Family Guy]]'' is a mediocre [[Random-access humor|animated sitcom]] renowned for its lack of originality and blatant plagiarism, which is ironic considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in his comics.

The series is also the inspiration for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in ''[[Sonichu 7]]'' and introduced the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and Peter Griffin (srsly, and you thought his mix of him and [[Sonichu]] was bad!). Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his sketch in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least deriving) themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in a recent episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute ham-fisted irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

One of the best examples of Chris's misunderstandings of the show is Chris's referencing of a scene in which Stewie quotes the Bible to prove that gay marriage is wrong, the joke being that Stewie is constantly switching between being gay and straight (more often leaning toward gay), making his quoting of the Bible hypocritical. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris is using an animated comedy show to form his opinions on things like this.

It is notable that Seth MacFarlane holds almost the complete opposite beliefs to Chris — he is liberal, an atheist, supports gay marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.

Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex. When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which is originally one of Peter Griffin's stock sayings.

==Similarities with ''Family Guy''==
[[Image:Peter Weston Griffen.JPG|thumb]]

While very likely unintentional, since it is highly doubtful that Seth MacFarlane knows of Chris's existence, there are a few instances of similarity from Chris's work with ''Family Guy''.

The first few minutes of "Road to Germany," when Mort Goldman looks desperately for a bathroom, only to accidentally go into Stewie's new time machine, is strikingly similar to the ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' skitch.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P5.htm Ghostbusters "skitch"]</ref>

Likewise, many trolls noticed how uncanny Peter Griffin in the episode "Three Kings" was wearing a shirt very similar to one of Chris's [[Chris and fashion|trademark shirts]]. However, the shirt was originally featured in the 1986 film, [[Wikipedia:Stand by Me (film)|Stand by Me]], which this segment of "Three Kings" was based on.<ref>[http://www.breakfastclubquotes.com/images/StandByMe1.jpg TCM advert for Stand by Me]</ref>

In the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Goy|Family Goy]]," Peter falls in love with a cardboard cutout of [[Kimmi|Kathy Ireland]] and later [[Sex tape|has sex with said cutout]].

Another episode features a plot centered around the characters making a conscious effort to treat Meg better (a point of contention Chris has always had with the series). This seems mostly coincidence, except for a sequence where Peter performs as a male stripper dressed like a police officer. His stripper name? ...[[Officer Nasty]].

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. Jokes which would fly right over any kid's head Chris believes kids find so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, all of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on Family Guy]</ref>}}

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009]]
Chris has a crush on Megan Griffin (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his comics (see [[:Image:Chrischantraced2.jpg|here]]).

On 8 October 2009, he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "Road to the Multiverse" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn 18 that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with Jerome in Family Guy 0807 ("Jerome Is the New Black").

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris went and inserted Meg into the comic, having her compliment Chris on the comic. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 05 June 2009, [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane, via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of your Calvacade; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give [[Megan]] more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''The Cleveland Show''==
27 September 2009 saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took one of the least popular characters on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]] [[Sports bra photo series|bra-wearing]] [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 December 2009, after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes."

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|December 9th, 2009]] Chris states that he's heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane is planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news swells [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]] and he feels the need to pitch his idea for the plot. Below is the plot currently posted on the Cwcipedia.

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the [[Lie|Comic Con]] or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homo#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|my two S-Chu Balls]], toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this [[Hanky-Panky|can be a really]] [[China|good story]]). For the "B" Story, Brian gets a bit antsy around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos|homosexuality]] and his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]]. Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

{{quotebox|Family Guy
-Megan does not deserve the abuse she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!

-Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up Straight.

-Chris finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of Season 6, Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in Season 7?

-While I can see Brain looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?

-In "Road to Multiverse", in the "Robot Chicken" Universe, Stewie asks Seth Greene through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my PS3, the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some.

American Dad
-There should be More Stories starring Haley.

The Cleveland Show
-I do not care for all the dick jokes. }}

==See also==
*[[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with Peter Griffin.
*''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
*''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
*''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Wikipedia article on ''Family Guy'']]

{{CWCipedia}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Template:Da update

2010-02-09T16:48:48Z

Svenporks:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>

* 9 February - Chris makes a [[9 February 2010|video]] about how the Mao, Alec, Evan and Sean have [[Simonchu|destroyed the undestroyable.]]
* 6 February - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page&action=edit The CWCipedia is locked to edits] due to a cease and desist regarding Simonla Rosechu.
* 5 February - Chris assures YouTube that he is [[5 February 2010|alive]], and talks about [[rape]] and hamsters.
* 2 February - Chris uses his [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Captain%27s_Log blog] to tell his nonexistent personal army to email Mao about the new ads.
* 1 February - Chris edits his bio of [[Simonla Rosechu]] to state that [[lie|the character was created from scratch, based on no prior concept designs whatsoever]].
* 1 February - Chris [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|fires off another Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]], then apologizes to [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec and Evan]], but not Mao or Sean. That bastard!
* 1 February - Chris answers [[Mailbag 51]], in which he blames the FCC for Sonichu being unsuitable for children.
* 1 February - Chris uploads a [[CWC address to Royal Board|new video]] addressing the "Royal Board of Certification" in London.

('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Ruckersville, VA

2010-02-01T18:01:05Z

Svenporks: /* Culture */

'''Ruckersville, Virginia''' is the home of the creature known as [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and the centre of all things [[Sonichu]] ([[Twin Falling Towers|Ground Zero]], if you will). Chris and his family moved from Ruckersville to the Richmond suburbs after their dispute with the faculty of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], only to return several years later.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWC ON LOCATION
|-
| Photo:
| [[Image:Ruckersville Aerial Map.jpg|thumb]]
|-
| Location:
| Ruckersville, VA
|-
| Coordinates:
| 38°13′59″N 78°22′09″W
|-
| Classification:
| Unincorporated Township
|-
| Date established:
| 1732
|-
| Population:
| 9,935
|-
| Zip/post code:
| 22968
|-
| Area code:
| 434
|-
| Website:
| Unavailable
|-
| Also known as:
| Fuckersville
|-
| Produces:
| Retarded Manchildren
|-
| Current relevance:
| Chris's Hometown
|}

==The Brochure==
Ruckersville, Virginia is a small, unincorporated township on the outskirts of [[Charlottesville, VA]]. A scenic, tight-knit community that offers panoramic views of mountains, trees and farmland. Although though Ruckersville has a small population, it has a vibrant and growing downtown, notable for it's antiques market, new Wal-Mart and with great potential for expansion. Founded in 1732, little has changed. The quiet, peaceful village of long ago is still the quiet, peaceful township of today. A safe, friendly, and welcoming community in which to raise a family or [[Bob Chandler|quietly retire]].

==The Truth==
[[Image:Ruckersville Attractions.png|thumb|/this article]]

It's a redneck shithole full of cheap, ugly houses and even uglier lawn furniture. A place where people burn their trash and decorate their yards with junked cars, the human disasters we know as the "[[Chandlers]]" can go ignored and unnoticed. Ruckersville has very little in the way of recognizable landmarks, history, and the only noteworthy person born there is NASCAR driver Phillip Morris (but who gives a shit about NASCAR?) While most normal young people would resent being stuck in a redneck wonderland like Ruckersville, the lack of prospects or opportunities suits Chris, as it's just one more excuse to never leave his room.

==Geography==
The geography of Ruckersville is rather plain, composed mainly of fields, light forest, and small ugly housing developments extending from the larger town of Charlottesville. Even the terrain is fucking boring. Ruckersville really is a place for people [[Christian Weston Chandler|who prefer to do absolutely nothing with their lives at all]].

==Crime==
Crime rates in Ruckersville are unexpectedly low, with zero murders and only two rapes on [[Chris and sex|record]]. This is surprising when you consider that the only legal forms of entertainment are shopping at Wal-Mart and (according to [http://virginia.hometownlocator.com/va/greene/ruckersville.cfm this website]) [[Mass Debating|bird watching]]. That said, nearby Charlottesville is the regional heart of commerce and entertainment. If Chris is more than happy to waltz over there to [[Chris and the Law|commit his various misdemeanors]], likely so are most others.

==Culture==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|lolculture]]

==Ground Zero==
It's interesting to note that a ''Google Street View'' of the housing development that contains Chris's home is unavailable. Some theories exist to explain this, the leading being that the bizarre cocktail of smells produced by bathing in [[Chris and health|Axe body spray and intense body odor]] may have simply driven the Google camera car away from that street after the drivers deemed it "too risky." An alternative theory is that the road is so poorly marked and difficult to access, that nobody gave a fuck about driving down it.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ruckersville_Aerial_Map.jpg|Aerial shot of the redneck shithole that is Ruckersville. Chris' home is highlighted with the red mark.
Image:Goin_to_Ruckersville.jpg|Ruckersville lies at the intersection of two major highways. WOW!
Image:Ruckersville_Church.jpg|No redneck town is complete without churches and replaceable letter signs.
Image:Story_of_Ruckersville.jpg|Little did Peter Rucker know that his settlement would be a haven for a retarded manchild... and that it would blow goats.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Chris's room]]

==External links==
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruckersville,_Virginia Wikipedia article]

{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Talk:Mailbag 47

2010-01-31T05:51:12Z

Svenporks:

Keith Keithson here, just so you know, if Chris responds to my letter with something like "Mao cleared the history for Alec" or "Alec erased the history" my next letter will be a challenge to make either Chris or the Sysop do the same. Though I'm expecting him to delete it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 08:40, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

GodJesus bless you, MoarLurk. Chris fed you some bullshit. I was wanting some real answers, too. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 03:33, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

== All kids see hedgehog pokemon vaginas eventually ==
Seriously, I won't be surprised if he gets in trouble for exposing minors to porn under the guise of education.--[[User:Svenporks|Svenporks]] 05:51, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

Homos

2010-01-28T17:19:40Z

Svenporks: /* Evidence that Chris is a homo */

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|Chris}}

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|thumb|'''STAY STRAIGHT!''']]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively by the pejorative term "'''homos'''". He doesn't like them very much.

From the very beginning of his internet fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been the subject of many [[lulz]] and the target of many [[trolls]].

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

[[Image:What_Chris_thinks_he_looks_like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]].]]
Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out," and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women. Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his retarded [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. His attitude could be explained by one of four possibilities:

# Chris is a heterosexual idiot, so he thinks the slightest thing could turn him gay unless he maintains constant vigilance.
# Chris is a repressed homosexual, so he ''knows'' the slightest thing could turn him gay, because he can barely resist the temptation.
# Chris is bisexual, yet his underdeveloped mind fails to grasp the fact that there's actually such a thing as male bisexuality, so he thinks that people really ''can'' choose their sexual preference, and that giving in to his feelings towards other males will automatically turn him gay.
# Chris is asexual, has no primal instincts attracting him to girls, so he must consciously go out of his way to stay straight and avoid becoming a homo.

We don't yet have enough information to determine which of these is true, and we won't until he kisses a man on the lips (currently scheduled for [[2010]]). Of course we have to consider (because Chris won't) the small point that anyone, gay or straight, man or [[China|woman]], white or [[Niggo|black]], would most likely rather clean their genitals with sandpaper than touch Chris.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay (this, despite the fact that women are likely jealous of the fact that men don't have to worry about Chris being attracted to them). He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 02 January 2009, Chris made this statement:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, 02 January 2009, 11:59}}

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in co-ed prisons with other female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|March 10]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

On 14 June 2009, he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of Uncle Ruckus's song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from the pilot episode of "The Boondocks."

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like Stephen Fry who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This is, of course, displays Chris' ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than LBP), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian." He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself. It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call gay a synonym for stupid.

In the mailbag section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family_Gay|this episode of]] [[Family Guy]]). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). Chris intended to bring at least two syringes of the solution back, one for [[Reldnahc]], and the other for emergencies (likely to be used on either himself, [[Magi-Chan]], or [[Megagi]]). Thanks to Chris's crippling insecurity about his sexuality, when this storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

Spoiler: because Chris is straight as a circle (as shown [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|here]]), the vaccine would fail to work anyway.

Recently, [[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCkipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of Family Guy, pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's Audiobooks, BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris, [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links]}}

On Christmas Day, 2009, the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year 2010, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On January 5th, Chris responded a [[mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When founded evidence of homosexuality in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily. It is worth noticing that, like Chris, good chaps like Hitler and Mussolini had a similar approach when addresing the homosexual lifestyle. Chris also apparently fails to notice that by having Magi-chan constantly reading people's mind would infringe the most important and basic of human's rights: the right of freedom of thinking. He also fails to realize that having Magi-chan scan Cwcville for gay thoughts would end in Chris getting arrested due to the fact that he says he has random images of penises appear in his head.

Then, on January 7th, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos stems from him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

==Evidence that Chris is a homo==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloguing pictures. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose". Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.

* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a free gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as a free gift.

* Chris gets upset that people know he has the vibrator and anal beads, and he gets upset that people think he's gay because he kept the vibrator and anal beads... but he never gets upset that the store sent him the vibrator and anal beads in the first place. You would think that if a troll sent him a dildo he'd be throwing a fit about it on [[YouTube]], but no.

* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.

* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then [[Lie|immediately denies it's been up his butt]]. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."

* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood. 'Nuff said.

* For a straight man, he does [[Semen#Transcript|guzzle a lot of cum]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own semen]] off of one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.

* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.

* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that <del> 99.9999999999996% of </del> straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.

* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|February 05 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.

* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.

* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].

* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].

* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.

* Chris says he is the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|King of All Cosmos]], with the Cosmo being the pink drink originating from San Francisco associated with ''Sex and the City'', and gay men everywhere. Additionally, the namesake Katamari character not only vomits rainbows as a mode of transportation, but wears open-chested shirts and colorful tights that show off his Liefeld-esque MASSIVE AREA.

* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.

* [[Axe]], frequently used by gay men, is Chris's grooming product of choice.

*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is a song with large gay following.

* [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] features two covers of the Backstreet Boys, one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a Ricky Martin song. This music was popular among 13 year old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.

* Chris sure talks a lot about things "out his ass," such as "lying out [his] ass" when saying "''[[BILLY MAYS]] IS THE NEW MAYOR OF CWCVILLE.''"

* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]]

* He implores men to wear [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|muscle bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable, possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.

* He saved a [[No More Jokes|homoerotic image]] to his computer, and then made a series of movies about it.

* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap on the right).

* Note that [[CWCipedia]] has a quite lengthy article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality Homosexuality], while not even having one on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu].

* In the [[PS3 History Level|PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of ''Sex and the City: The Movie'' (which has a huge gay following) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.

* While narrating the [[Sonichu_Powerpoint|Sonichu Powerpoint]] Chris called PandaHalo his "partner," a term sometimes used by gays and lesbians to refer to the person they're dating.

* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.

* Chris reacts to Alec Benson Leary's [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off his temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five minutes for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs. He also clarifies that one need not buy their own [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]]: any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual {{cite}}

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defences against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.
{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref> 

*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref> 

*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> 

*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|I CAME OUT OF MY]] AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref> 

*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref> 

*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>

*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>

Alternatively, you could just read Chris defending his straightness for the umpteenth time on [[CWCipedia]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]