CWCki - User contributions [en]

Isabella Loretta Janke

2021-11-10T15:56:03Z

SwissCheese: /* Conclusion */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|[[Chris and English|Were the best trolls on history.]]|Bella, abusing the English language more brutally than she did her own pets.<ref>[[The Suitress texts#"I'm kinda scared"]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
|name = Isabella Loretta Janke
|image = Bella.png
|day = 18
|month = 8
|year = 2001
|birthsrc = <ref name="newOP"/>
|aliases = Bella<ref name="newOP"/> 10thanonymous<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames">{{Cite farms|thread=97559|title=Bella's Usernames & Burner Accounts}}</ref> Careless-Metal-423<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames"/> Kelly Osborn<ref name="newOP"/> ILJ<ref name="newOP"/> redpilled single dad<ref name="usernames"/>
|gender = Female
|race = White/Latina<ref name="latina">{{Cite farms|thread=97609|post=9736144|title=ILJ damage control on social media}}</ref>
|nation = American
|organization = Praetor<ref>[[The Vaughn Interlude#Danny Boy]]</ref>
}}

'''Isabella Loretta Janke''' (born 18 August 2001),<ref name="newOP">{{Cite farms|thread=98702|title=(New OP + General Discussion) Isabella Loretta Janke / Bella / Kelly Osborn / @10anon - Chris Troll, Animal Abuser, Discord Wannabe Cult Leader, Suicide Pusher, Crusty, Musty Ass Bitch}}</ref> also known as '''Bella''', '''Kelly Osborn''', and dozens of other pseudonyms, is the sociopathic, foot fungus-ridden leader of a [[troll|trolling]] ring based at Texas Tech University, best known for her participation in a leaked [[July 2021]] call in which [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] revealed that he had been having an [[incest|incestuous]] relationship with [[Barbara|his mother]].<ref name="SummaryThread">{{Cite farms|thread=97658|title=Isabella Loretta Janke Summary Thread|autoarchive=20211017181202}}</ref>

Isabella is arguably the worst and most dangerous troll to have ever targeted Chris, having malicious intentions that somehow manage to overshadow [[BlueSpike|every]] [[Idea Guys|single]] [[Teen Troon Squad|previous]] [[Jacob Sockness|controversial]] troll before her. Isabella's sadistic personal life was exposed not long after [[Kiwi Farms]] doxxed her: she is known to be a [[Nazis|white supremacist]] (despite being mixed race herself),<ref name="latina"/> animal abuser, and fetishist for all things unholy (including incest, snuff, bestiality, zoosadism, [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|scat]], [[Pedofork|pedophilia]] and ''[[Anime|Naruto]]'').<ref name="SummaryThread"/> Even before meeting Chris, she was known for bullying and blackmailing other students to the point of suicide, all with the help of her cult-like circle of friends. This page is solely focused on Bella's interactions with Chris, but for more information, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] has an article on her which goes into much deeper detail on her disturbing pastimes and abhorrent hygiene than this page likely ever will.

Isabella's reasons for trolling Chris were extremely dark. She intended to gather incriminating information from Chris and blackmail him; her intentions were most likely to either extort Chris out of large sums of money or to try and use the information or get Chris to commit suicide or self-harm, which her cult was known to have done in the past.<ref name="SummaryThread"/><ref name="_phobia">[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/ac615726-189b-4745-8a1b-3182e7f31f26-png.2433986/ Miscellaneous - Transphobia, Homophobia, More]</ref>

However, this all unravelled when the audio of the incest call was leaked. Bella and her cronies were doxxed by the [[Kiwi Farms]] almost immediately, and with Chris now [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|in jail]] and thus unable to be contacted or manipulated, it is unlikely that Bella will be able to take any further action. This is especially so after her aforementioned dirty laundry was dumped all over the internet, with thousands of new people learning about her horrifying exploits unrelated to Chris. Ironically enough, in trying to ruin the life of a lolcow, Isabella became a lolcow herself, and now serves as a cautionary tale to [[Weens|those seeking to make a name for themselves off of CWC]].

==Early interactions and Praetor==
{{Incomplete}}

It is unclear exactly when Bella first met Chris. Her interest in Chris would not be sparked until some time in early 2020, when she began watching ''[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]''.

On 15 March 2021, Bella posted that Chris had commissioned her to create an animation of his comic alter-ego transforming into his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. She also engaged in some noticeable [[A-Logging]] towards Chris, describing him as a "fat, overweight retard" and claiming that Chris "should have been killed in some freak gender reassignment surgery accident by now".<ref name="newOP"/>

==Plots==
===The suicide/extortion plot===
On 25 April 2020, Bella claimed in a Discord DM to want to "Get [Chris] be suicidal [...] bc he's retarded."<ref>{{Cite farms|title= Bella Janke allegedly planning CWC suicide since April 2020|thread=97773}}</ref>

On 19 July 2021, Bella claimed that, "bc im extrmeley nice to him," to have "hacked" into Chris's bank account and "stole his money", and "got free trips and got him to join a cult and mlp porn on [Kiwi Farms] and fly [to Florida]". Someone asked Bella, "I thought the plan was to get him to kill himself", to which Bella responded, "yeah but by getting others to tell him theyre jesus and they hate them and then saying "oh no those ppl are os mean :(" and then he pays me".<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/animalabuse-png.2427826/</ref>

Bella rallied up many people to help her out with this plan, including other students from TTU and outsiders that had a degree of familiarity with Chris. Many of these recruits were members of distinct "Chess Club" Discord servers run by Bella. Some of them were genuinely unaware of Bella's true intentions, while others had intentions as equally as depraved as hers.

==Everfree Northwest plans==
Bella was to go with Chris to the [[August 2021]] [[Everfree Northwest]] convention. Her purpose was supposedly to be a photographer and "bodyguard" against [[Jacob Sockness]].<ref>[[:File:Discussioneverfree8.png]]</ref><ref>[[:File:Discussioneverfree9.png]]</ref><ref name="bodyguard">[https://imgur.com/a/wO3Be1N "Bodyguard" screenshots]</ref>

Chris also invited Bella to be his dance partner. He then invited [[the Suitress]] at Bella's suggestion, though Bella claimed that she intended to just dance with the Suitress as Bella thought her to be cute.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/servers-zip.2416454/ Zip file of Chess Club Discord leaks hosted at Kiwi Farms]. See "Chess club - general" at 23-Jul-21 10:50 PM timestamp</ref>

Any plans that would have come out of this would never come to pass, as Chris would be [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|jailed]] before he could actually attend the convention, and has since been banned indefinitely.<ref>[[Everfree Northwest#Blacklisted from attending|Everfree blacklists Chris]]</ref>

==The incest scandal==

{{Protip|Despite what you may have been led to believe, although she didn't discourage him from continuing having sex with his mother when she found out about it,<ref>[[Incest call]]</ref> there is no evidence Bella was the one to convince Chris to ''start'' fucking his mother.}}

In the early morning of 28 [[July 2021]], Bella recorded [[Incest call|a call between her and Chris]]. During it, Chris discussed his incestuous relationship with his mother, going into [[Honest Content|graphic detail]] about the act. Bella acted nonchalant throughout, and even supportive at times. She stated to her Discord friends that she never said the incest was wrong and that Chris thought it was justified, and that she said she understood so he would talk more.<ref name=bellareacts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Bella reacts to incest call]]</ref>

She intended to leak the incest news, but wanted to gather evidence from a different angle to remain anonymous.<ref name=bellareacts></ref> However, she had sent the recording to the [[Suitress]], who leaked it on the night of 29 July.

Immediately, Bella tried to do everything in her power to distance herself from the growing drama. One of the first things she decided to do was make several sockpuppet accounts on various platforms, ranging from the Kiwi Farms, Reddit, and 4chan, where she would claim that "tranny niggers" uploaded the call, among other disinformation to protect her identity. The attempt ultimately failed.

Afterwards, Bella created a screenshot of fake texts in which Chris supposedly admitted to having BDSM-style sex with Barb.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/how-bella-faked-the-bdsm-text-an-analysis-and-timeline.97948/ How Bella Faked the BDSM Text: An Analysis and Timeline]</ref> Bella tried to perpetuate this notion in a Discord chat with a [[Watchmen]] group, claiming that Chris wouldn't feed Barb unless she preformed felatio on him. In the chat, she convinced Watchman [[Sean Walker]] that the screenshot was legitimate and persuaded him to release it publicly and to name the Suitress as his source,<ref name=bdsm>[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/direct-messages-group-regarding-chris-870798769682276363-html.2416228/ Full HTML file of the "Regarding Chris" chat hosted at Kiwi Farms. Starting at 31-Jul-21 03:49 PM timestamp]</ref> resulting in the Suitress getting doxxed via Sean uploading one of her videos to a Kiwi Farms post.<ref>https://imgur.com/a/MhMhrBC</ref> The screenshot was dismissed as fake by most observers, and the motive behind its release remains unknown.

==Conclusion==

Eventually, Bella herself was doxxed, not in small part due to one of Bella's own cronies, '''Louis Herz''', posting an image of Bella’s mistreated rescue dog.<ref name=“LouisThread”>{{Cite farms|thread=97621|title=Louis Herz / TernaryMercury - Bella's Best Friend and Primary Defender - Femboy Bigot of the Chess Club}}</ref> After her personal information was leaked, Isabella went into desperate - albeit futile - damage control, using sockpuppet accounts on [[4Chan]], [[Reddit]], and [[Kiwi Farms]] to rant about how the info regarding her was fake, exaggerated, and/or a psyop conspiracy led by [[transgender]] puppetmasters. Unfortunately for her, this was to no avail - as of late August, there were already dedicated, active threads on Kiwi Farms for Bella and each of her cronies. With such a unique name, these threads will likely be the first things any future employers see when they google Bella's name. Ironically, Bella has become just as unemployable and infamous as Chris himself; and on top of everything else she has done, is ([[Weening#If_you_fail_hard_enough_you_will_become_a_target_for_trolls_yourself|quite poetically]]) seen by many as being just as, if not even ''more'' disgusting and contemptible than him.

According to various Discord DMs that have been "leaked", Bella has a two year suspension from Texas Tech University. This information was shared by an Ex of Isabella, as well as another forum member, who shared it on [[Kiwi Farms]]

[[ File:Zoedawn.PNG|thumb|left[[The suspension of Janke]]|Karmas definitely a bitch, isn't it?]]
[[ File:IsabellaSuspensionTwo.png|thumb|right[[The Farms Post]]|Finally, sweet justice]]

== See also ==
* [[Incest]]
* [[Carpetbaggers]]

== References ==
<references/>
{{People}}
{{Sagas}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Enablers]]

File:IsabellaSuspensionTwo.png

2021-11-10T15:54:12Z

SwissCheese: The kiwifarms post that shared this information

== Summary ==
The kiwifarms post that shared this information

Isabella Loretta Janke

2021-11-10T15:45:53Z

SwissCheese: /* Conclusion */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|[[Chris and English|Were the best trolls on history.]]|Bella, abusing the English language more brutally than she did her own pets.<ref>[[The Suitress texts#"I'm kinda scared"]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
|name = Isabella Loretta Janke
|image = Bella.png
|day = 18
|month = 8
|year = 2001
|birthsrc = <ref name="newOP"/>
|aliases = Bella<ref name="newOP"/> 10thanonymous<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames">{{Cite farms|thread=97559|title=Bella's Usernames & Burner Accounts}}</ref> Careless-Metal-423<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames"/> Kelly Osborn<ref name="newOP"/> ILJ<ref name="newOP"/> redpilled single dad<ref name="usernames"/>
|gender = Female
|race = White/Latina<ref name="latina">{{Cite farms|thread=97609|post=9736144|title=ILJ damage control on social media}}</ref>
|nation = American
|organization = Praetor<ref>[[The Vaughn Interlude#Danny Boy]]</ref>
}}

'''Isabella Loretta Janke''' (born 18 August 2001),<ref name="newOP">{{Cite farms|thread=98702|title=(New OP + General Discussion) Isabella Loretta Janke / Bella / Kelly Osborn / @10anon - Chris Troll, Animal Abuser, Discord Wannabe Cult Leader, Suicide Pusher, Crusty, Musty Ass Bitch}}</ref> also known as '''Bella''', '''Kelly Osborn''', and dozens of other pseudonyms, is the sociopathic, foot fungus-ridden leader of a [[troll|trolling]] ring based at Texas Tech University, best known for her participation in a leaked [[July 2021]] call in which [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] revealed that he had been having an [[incest|incestuous]] relationship with [[Barbara|his mother]].<ref name="SummaryThread">{{Cite farms|thread=97658|title=Isabella Loretta Janke Summary Thread|autoarchive=20211017181202}}</ref>

Isabella is arguably the worst and most dangerous troll to have ever targeted Chris, having malicious intentions that somehow manage to overshadow [[BlueSpike|every]] [[Idea Guys|single]] [[Teen Troon Squad|previous]] [[Jacob Sockness|controversial]] troll before her. Isabella's sadistic personal life was exposed not long after [[Kiwi Farms]] doxxed her: she is known to be a [[Nazis|white supremacist]] (despite being mixed race herself),<ref name="latina"/> animal abuser, and fetishist for all things unholy (including incest, snuff, bestiality, zoosadism, [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|scat]], [[Pedofork|pedophilia]] and ''[[Anime|Naruto]]'').<ref name="SummaryThread"/> Even before meeting Chris, she was known for bullying and blackmailing other students to the point of suicide, all with the help of her cult-like circle of friends. This page is solely focused on Bella's interactions with Chris, but for more information, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] has an article on her which goes into much deeper detail on her disturbing pastimes and abhorrent hygiene than this page likely ever will.

Isabella's reasons for trolling Chris were extremely dark. She intended to gather incriminating information from Chris and blackmail him; her intentions were most likely to either extort Chris out of large sums of money or to try and use the information or get Chris to commit suicide or self-harm, which her cult was known to have done in the past.<ref name="SummaryThread"/><ref name="_phobia">[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/ac615726-189b-4745-8a1b-3182e7f31f26-png.2433986/ Miscellaneous - Transphobia, Homophobia, More]</ref>

However, this all unravelled when the audio of the incest call was leaked. Bella and her cronies were doxxed by the [[Kiwi Farms]] almost immediately, and with Chris now [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|in jail]] and thus unable to be contacted or manipulated, it is unlikely that Bella will be able to take any further action. This is especially so after her aforementioned dirty laundry was dumped all over the internet, with thousands of new people learning about her horrifying exploits unrelated to Chris. Ironically enough, in trying to ruin the life of a lolcow, Isabella became a lolcow herself, and now serves as a cautionary tale to [[Weens|those seeking to make a name for themselves off of CWC]].

==Early interactions and Praetor==
{{Incomplete}}

It is unclear exactly when Bella first met Chris. Her interest in Chris would not be sparked until some time in early 2020, when she began watching ''[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]''.

On 15 March 2021, Bella posted that Chris had commissioned her to create an animation of his comic alter-ego transforming into his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. She also engaged in some noticeable [[A-Logging]] towards Chris, describing him as a "fat, overweight retard" and claiming that Chris "should have been killed in some freak gender reassignment surgery accident by now".<ref name="newOP"/>

==Plots==
===The suicide/extortion plot===
On 25 April 2020, Bella claimed in a Discord DM to want to "Get [Chris] be suicidal [...] bc he's retarded."<ref>{{Cite farms|title= Bella Janke allegedly planning CWC suicide since April 2020|thread=97773}}</ref>

On 19 July 2021, Bella claimed that, "bc im extrmeley nice to him," to have "hacked" into Chris's bank account and "stole his money", and "got free trips and got him to join a cult and mlp porn on [Kiwi Farms] and fly [to Florida]". Someone asked Bella, "I thought the plan was to get him to kill himself", to which Bella responded, "yeah but by getting others to tell him theyre jesus and they hate them and then saying "oh no those ppl are os mean :(" and then he pays me".<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/animalabuse-png.2427826/</ref>

Bella rallied up many people to help her out with this plan, including other students from TTU and outsiders that had a degree of familiarity with Chris. Many of these recruits were members of distinct "Chess Club" Discord servers run by Bella. Some of them were genuinely unaware of Bella's true intentions, while others had intentions as equally as depraved as hers.

==Everfree Northwest plans==
Bella was to go with Chris to the [[August 2021]] [[Everfree Northwest]] convention. Her purpose was supposedly to be a photographer and "bodyguard" against [[Jacob Sockness]].<ref>[[:File:Discussioneverfree8.png]]</ref><ref>[[:File:Discussioneverfree9.png]]</ref><ref name="bodyguard">[https://imgur.com/a/wO3Be1N "Bodyguard" screenshots]</ref>

Chris also invited Bella to be his dance partner. He then invited [[the Suitress]] at Bella's suggestion, though Bella claimed that she intended to just dance with the Suitress as Bella thought her to be cute.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/servers-zip.2416454/ Zip file of Chess Club Discord leaks hosted at Kiwi Farms]. See "Chess club - general" at 23-Jul-21 10:50 PM timestamp</ref>

Any plans that would have come out of this would never come to pass, as Chris would be [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|jailed]] before he could actually attend the convention, and has since been banned indefinitely.<ref>[[Everfree Northwest#Blacklisted from attending|Everfree blacklists Chris]]</ref>

==The incest scandal==

{{Protip|Despite what you may have been led to believe, although she didn't discourage him from continuing having sex with his mother when she found out about it,<ref>[[Incest call]]</ref> there is no evidence Bella was the one to convince Chris to ''start'' fucking his mother.}}

In the early morning of 28 [[July 2021]], Bella recorded [[Incest call|a call between her and Chris]]. During it, Chris discussed his incestuous relationship with his mother, going into [[Honest Content|graphic detail]] about the act. Bella acted nonchalant throughout, and even supportive at times. She stated to her Discord friends that she never said the incest was wrong and that Chris thought it was justified, and that she said she understood so he would talk more.<ref name=bellareacts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Bella reacts to incest call]]</ref>

She intended to leak the incest news, but wanted to gather evidence from a different angle to remain anonymous.<ref name=bellareacts></ref> However, she had sent the recording to the [[Suitress]], who leaked it on the night of 29 July.

Immediately, Bella tried to do everything in her power to distance herself from the growing drama. One of the first things she decided to do was make several sockpuppet accounts on various platforms, ranging from the Kiwi Farms, Reddit, and 4chan, where she would claim that "tranny niggers" uploaded the call, among other disinformation to protect her identity. The attempt ultimately failed.

Afterwards, Bella created a screenshot of fake texts in which Chris supposedly admitted to having BDSM-style sex with Barb.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/how-bella-faked-the-bdsm-text-an-analysis-and-timeline.97948/ How Bella Faked the BDSM Text: An Analysis and Timeline]</ref> Bella tried to perpetuate this notion in a Discord chat with a [[Watchmen]] group, claiming that Chris wouldn't feed Barb unless she preformed felatio on him. In the chat, she convinced Watchman [[Sean Walker]] that the screenshot was legitimate and persuaded him to release it publicly and to name the Suitress as his source,<ref name=bdsm>[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/direct-messages-group-regarding-chris-870798769682276363-html.2416228/ Full HTML file of the "Regarding Chris" chat hosted at Kiwi Farms. Starting at 31-Jul-21 03:49 PM timestamp]</ref> resulting in the Suitress getting doxxed via Sean uploading one of her videos to a Kiwi Farms post.<ref>https://imgur.com/a/MhMhrBC</ref> The screenshot was dismissed as fake by most observers, and the motive behind its release remains unknown.

==Conclusion==

Eventually, Bella herself was doxxed, not in small part due to one of Bella's own cronies, '''Louis Herz''', posting an image of Bella’s mistreated rescue dog.<ref name=“LouisThread”>{{Cite farms|thread=97621|title=Louis Herz / TernaryMercury - Bella's Best Friend and Primary Defender - Femboy Bigot of the Chess Club}}</ref> After her personal information was leaked, Isabella went into desperate - albeit futile - damage control, using sockpuppet accounts on [[4Chan]], [[Reddit]], and [[Kiwi Farms]] to rant about how the info regarding her was fake, exaggerated, and/or a psyop conspiracy led by [[transgender]] puppetmasters. Unfortunately for her, this was to no avail - as of late August, there were already dedicated, active threads on Kiwi Farms for Bella and each of her cronies. With such a unique name, these threads will likely be the first things any future employers see when they google Bella's name. Ironically, Bella has become just as unemployable and infamous as Chris himself; and on top of everything else she has done, is ([[Weening#If_you_fail_hard_enough_you_will_become_a_target_for_trolls_yourself|quite poetically]]) seen by many as being just as, if not even ''more'' disgusting and contemptible than him.

According to various Discord DMs that have been "leaked", Bella has a two year suspension from Texas Tech University. This information was shared by an Ex of Isabella, as well as another forum member, who shared it on [[Kiwi Farms]]

== See also ==
* [[Incest]]
* [[Carpetbaggers]]

== References ==
<references/>
{{People}}
{{Sagas}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Enablers]]

Chris Sex Videos

2021-11-09T23:17:40Z

SwissCheese: /* Jizz.flv */

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}

On 25 September [[2008]], [[Chris]] recorded himself making '''sex videos'''. They involved him [[Donald Duck impersonation| making disturbing animal impressions]], disrobing, and then finally [[mass debating]] and jizzing [[navy]] into a [[Fapcup|clear plastic cup]]. Chris was apparently chatting with then-future heartsweet [[PandaHalo]] while gratifying himself ''in his parents' kitchen''. These videos were recorded near the height of Chris's relationship with [[Blanca]], almost a month before she officially broke up with him and only four days before Chris sent her a [[Chris's Letter to Blanca|letter]] pledging his undying love.

The background for the videos is [[Chris's kitchen|the Chandler family kitchen]], which is piled high with junk. This is also where the family PC is located. The short video clips were taken with a webcam and are completely silent, adding to the overall sense of terror.

This is the same room where Chris was later [[Bob Walks In|caught]] mass debating.

==Chris Chan the Elephant==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Elephant
| ytid = Q-qFR5AyYMs
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Chan_Update_24_September_2008#Video|Chris Chan Update September 24, 2008]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris makes a terrifying, bug-eyed face at the computer screen and shakes his head. He then turns to the side, puts his curved hand up to his mouth, and bangs his head back and forth.

==Chris Chan the Chicken==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Chicken
| ytid = Yx3lGNvDZi0
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Elephant|Chris Chan the Elephant]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris stands, and repositions the webcam to better show off his body. He is smiling. He puts his arms near his nipples and begins flapping his arms, mimicking a bird. He opens his mouth in a pained, silent scream and rears his head back. He sits down at the computer and repositions the webcam once again, smug and contented.

==Chris Chan the Monkey==
{{quote|this is basically a tl;dr version of ALL Chris' videos...|Comment from videogamenostalgia}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan the Monkey
| ytid = v5f8QT24sKg
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_the_Chicken|Chris Chan the Chicken]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his arms and scratches both sides of his skull while shaking his head back and forth and making silly expressions. He runs his hands down the sides of his face and then turns his attention back to the computer.

==Chris Chan Licks his Elbow==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Licks his Elbow
| ytid = -u6XaY5UfG8
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_the_Monkey|Chris Chan the Monkey]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
}}

===Transcript===

Chris raises his eyebrows and makes a silly, wide-eyed grimace. He uses his left hand to push his right arm behind his head and sticks his long tongue out in an attempt to lick his elbow. He tries for several seconds but fails by about two inches. He scratches the back of his neck, and then repeats the procedure with the left elbow, missing by an even wider margin.

==Chris Chan Undressing==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan Undressing
| ytid = 4AbZCCS5w28
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Licks_his_Elbow|Chris Chan Licks his Elbow]]
| next = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan's_Autistic_Nips|Chris Chan's Autistic Nips]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

Chris smiles a disturbing smile and types on the keyboard. He then suddenly pulls up his green polo shirt, revealing a separate, red T-shirt underneath — the sleeves of the red shirt are clearly visible — although the bottom of the red T-shirt stops just below his large, flabby breasts, forming a kind of improvised [[sports bra]]. The red shirt is apparently tight enough to function as a support garment, and may have belonged to Chris when he was a young child.

Chris unbuttons and struggles with his ill-fitting green polo shirt, grimacing with effort, eventually pulling it over his head. The red shirt comes off with it. Chris, shirtless and wearing the Sonichu medallion, repositions himself on the chair. He smiles a creepy, forced smile.

==Chris Chan's Autistic Nips==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan's Autistic Nips
| ytid = Y7npFBuOfjU
| stardate = 25 [[September 2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Panda|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chris_Chan_Undressing|Chris Chan Undressing]]
| next = [[We're_Being_Watched#Video|We're Being Watched]]
}}

===Transcript===

Still topless, Chris crosses his hands in front of his bosom and uses his index fingers to encircle each of his nipples simultaneously. He wears the same creepy, contented smile.

==Long.mp4==
[[Image:CWCmassdebate.jpg|thumb|right|Chris jerks off in his own kitchen, making it even less sanitary than usual. Also: animal impersonations.]]
The webcam is positioned below Chris's testicles. They are shaved, as is his entire pubic area. Chris strokes his erect pickle with his left hand, and seems to use his middle and ring finger to do most of the work. His index finger appears to be pressing into his middle finger to provide extra force. This is oddly similar to how he holds a pencil.

Chris's [[manboobs]] jut out from his body alarmingly at this angle, like tiny mountains. Chris looks off camera, presumably at the computer monitor.

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable <s>[http://www.filedropper.com/jizz here]</s> ''Dead link. Please replace.'')

([https://archive.org/details/TwoDropboxChrisChanVideos/Long.mp4 Archive.org Version] - Not as long as the original video, missing content based on the screencaps.)

==Jizz.flv==
Chris strokes his erect duck with his right hand. His flabby torso and disproportionately large nipples are the only other things in the frame. His skin is an odd, inhuman tone, much like the inside of a [[McDonald's]] french fry viewed under fluorescent lighting. This is possibly due to a glow from a computer monitor, or some kind of unholy aura Chris emits while ejaculating.

A wild [[fapcup]] appears. Chris positions it below the head of his penis. Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] come into the frame. They are gray with filth, although no actual fecal matter is visible. Chris begins jizzing and catching his navy in the small cup, which appears to be slightly wider than the head of his penis. Chris lets go of his penis. His glans appears to be swollen to the size of a chicken egg, possibly due to the penile fracture that put a bend in his penis, or his retarded death-grip, or both. Either way, it is [[Giant Penis Comic|out of proportion]] to the shaft.

Chris appears to fumble with the cup off camera. His penis is in full view, limply resting against his briefs but still apparently engorged. An [[fanta|orange object]] flashes past, and he leaves the frame to do [[Recycling|who knows what]].

(This file is included in the .zip downloadable [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZMEpfUUxxsxpZoh5k2FanqjSFHRhQqmd/view?usp=sharing] )

([http://www.mediafire.com/file/l0dwauk6z6ftzz5/J%2Azz.flv/file Mediafire link - Download Required])

== See also ==
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]|nextlink=[[We're Being Watched]]|}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2008| 25]]
[[Category:PandaHalo Saga videos| 2008-09-25]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2008-09-25]]

All Star

2021-11-09T22:48:59Z

SwissCheese: /* External links */

{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Screenshot-twitter.com-2018.11.18-16-23-55.png|thumb|right|"''Well, the years start coming and they don't stop [[Semen|coming]].''"]]
"'''[[Wikipedia:All Star (song)|All Star]]'''" is a [[1999]] song by [[wikipedia:Smash Mouth|Smash Mouth]]. Widely known as the opening theme of the animated film ''[[Shrek Retold|Shrek]]'', the song has since entered internet meme culture in the last decade thanks to [[Idea Guys|Millennials]] and [[Teen Troon Squad|Zoomers]]. During the "[[Cryzel Torture]]" chat of 21 [[April 2018]], [[Chris]] uploaded two covers of "All Star" to the Idea Guys via Discord. Having gained Chris' consent to use his Discord account to aid in the conflict against the Idea Guys, [[Kiwi Farms]] owner [[Null]] leaked the SFW version on 13 July.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/cryzel-torture.45450/</ref> In the SFW version of the video, Chris sings in a similar growling voice to the one that he used to indicate he was singing under duress way back in [[It's UGH!]] (2009), albeit with more annoyance in his voice than disgust. This was done at the request of Joshua Wise, who told Chris to sing like he was angry and constipated to save [[Cryzel Rosechu]] from further torment.

Later that year on 18 [[November 2018]], a troll impersonating [[Magi-Chan]], presumably one of the [[Teen Troon Squad]], leaked the second, [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] rendition to Chris' [[Twitter]] - showcasing another sex tape that starts with Chris [[piss]]ing on the floor off-camera before he starts using his flaccid [[duck]] to begin [[mass debating]] while rubbing his [[Un-clit|taint]], all while [[Imaginary friends|imagining that he's fucking]] [[Polyamorous marriage|his first hasubando]]. The tweet was deleted minutes later, but the video was quickly preserved by Christorians.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/11-18-chriss-twitter-posts-a-video-of-him-jacking-off.50093/</ref> More parts of video would be leaked by Lukas Sampson, the ringleader of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] onto [[/cow/]] on 31 [[December 2018]].<ref>Videos were leaked at <strike>https://8ch.net/cow/res/687691.html#689605</strike> and a Teen Troon Squad member posted at <strike>https://8ch.net/cow/res/687691.html#689633</strike>, both of which have since been deleted alongside 8chan.</ref> In the NSFW version, it should also be noted that Chris doesn't actually get a full erection in the full three minutes and change that he spends masturbating. This likely indicates that the [[Transgender|hormone replacement therapy]] he utilized has probably killed his sex drive, in addition to [[Chris and health|several other health factors]] getting in the way of [[Chris and sex|getting it up]]. Chris is also under clear [[Chris and stress|distress]] while filming the video, unlike his other two sex tapes, which is unsurprising considering that he was [[Chris and manipulation|manipulated]] into filming this one.

==Singing All Star (SFW version)==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Sings All Star
| ytid = 8Jwt2_q19Iw
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Rage|[[Cryzel Torture|Performative Anger]]}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris pleads to stop Cryzel Torture‎]]
| next = [[All Star#Singing All Star (Sex Tape version)|All Star Part (Sex Tape)]]
}}

===Transcript===

{{collapsible

|Transcript|

[''Chris makes a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|constipated grunt]] and the camera briefly gains a green tint. He begins [[Honor roll|reading the lyrics from his phone]] in a similar constipated low growl, his tone severely fluctuating, and gesticulating wildly.'']
Some-BODY once told me,

the WORLD is gonna ROLL ME!

I ain't the sharpest [''voice drops to guttural croak''] torl in the sheeeed!

She was looking [''Chris gives up on following the melody''] kinda ''dumb''

[''Mimes along with the next two lines''] With her ''finger'' and her ''thumb''

In the shape of an L, on her foreheeead!

[''Remembers the melody again''] Well... the years start comin'

And they don't [[Chris and English|starp]] comin'

Feh to the rules and they [[TooManyGames|hit the ground]] runnin'

It dudn't make sense not to live for fun

[''High growl, slurred''] Y'brain gets [[Honor roll|smart]] [''Low growl''] but yer head gets [[Slow-in-the-minds|DUMB]]

So much to do, so much to see,

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't GLOW

Hey know, you're an all star

Get your game on, go bleh

Hurr nurr, yer a ruckstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Shakes his phone''] ''And all that glitters is gooold''

Only shootin' ''STUURS'' break the ''[[14 Branchland Court|mooold?]]''

It's a col' place, and they say i'gets col'er

Yer bun'led up now until y'ge' ol'er

The me'eor men beg t'differ

Judgin' by the hole in their satellite picture

The ice ge' thay, [''gibberish as he loses his place''] w'er w'er w'er... [''small groan'']

[''Picks up the tempo''] W'er's ge'in warm so ya might as well ''swim!''

My world's on fire, how 'bout yours?

That's the way I like it, I'll never get bore'

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Begins shaking his phone''] An' all that gli'ers is ''gooold!''

Only shootin' ''staaars breeeak'' the ''mooold!''

[''Almost 20 seconds of growling, warbling and Hulk Hogan-like arm shaking'']

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get yer show on, get bleh

[''Poses with arms out and head low''] An' ''ALL'' that gli'ers is ''GOOOL'''

[''Another brief growl solo'']

Only shootin' ''staaaaaaars...''

Some''bo''dy once-- [''[[Speech Impediment|Unintelligible]]'']

[[Ohio trip|Spare some change for gas, I need to get away from]]

Self away from this ''place''

[''Growls'']

I sai', "Yup... ''WHA' CONCE'!''

I could use lotta fuel myself!

An' we could all use a little [''Leaning towards the camera''] ''chaaange!''"

[''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Rising growl]]'']

Well, the years start comin'

And they don't stop comin'

I feh to the rules an' I hit the ground ruh

Di'n' make sense not to live for fun

Yer brain gets smart but yer head gets dumb

''So much'' to do, so much t'see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

Ya never know if you don't go. [''Lurches towards the camera''] '''''GUH-OOH!'''''

Ya never knuh if ya don't [''Lurches again, but less intensely''] ''glow''

Hey now, you're an ahrl star

Get the game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a wock star

Get the show on, [[Monthly Tugboat|get pay]]

An' all that gli'ers is ''goool'!''

[''Growls'']

Only shootin' stars break the mol'?

An' ''all'' that gli'ers is gold

Only shoo'in' stars, break the frickin' ''moooold!''

[''Chris groans constipatedly one more time, picks up the camera, spins around and punches it to the ground.'']}}

==Singing All Star (Sex Tape version)==
{{Infobox/video
| name = For Shrek's Eyes Only (Audio Only)
| ytid = LZMB6TaxGZU
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[All Star#Singing All Star (SFW version)|Singing All Star (SFW version)]]
| next = [[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]
}}

{{Collapsible|Chris pisses on the floor in a corner of his [[bedroom]], then [[Mass debating|masturbates]] while fantasizing about [[Magi-Chan]] (extremely NSFW).|

{{Infobox/video
| name = For Shrek's Eyes Only
| video = {{#ev:archiveorg|MergedDebating}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[All Star#Singing All Star (SFW version)|Singing All Star (SFW version)]]
| next = [[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]
}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible

|Transcript|
[''Scene opens to an empty shot of Chris' room with Chris himself just offscreen.''] 
I'm just gonna go ahead and boot it up. 
[''Silence''] 
[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]], Magi-Chan! 
[''More silence''] 
Do that real quick, get it out of the way. 
[''A few more seconds of silence until you're greeted with the sound of Chris pissing on the floor''] 
You do me? I mean..I..You let me do you first, and then I'll let you do me okay Hubby? 
[''Pissing continues''] 
Get this out of my system. 
[''Pissing stops''] 
I got one more thing, [''Slap''] ow. [''Unintelligible''] 
Sigh. 
[''A nude Chris then goes onscreen, stands next to a docked iPhone and then applies hand sanitizer''] 
Yes, picking' that up. 
For us Hubby. 
[''Chris wakes the phone up and All Star begins to play''] 
[''Chris sings in a angry monotone voice''] 
Some-BODY once told me the world is gonna roll me. 
[''He kneels onto the bed and the singing becomes more erratic''] 
I ain't the sharpest tool in the sheeeeeed! 
She was lookin' kinda dumb with her [''He mimes analingus on an invisible partner''] finger and her thumb- 
and the shape of an L on her forehead. 
[[Random-access humor|MAGIBOOOOOND!]] 
[''Mumbles''] 
[''Chris then moves towards the camera and begins to rub his taint while also building a falsetto''] 
Your brain gets smart and your head gets dumb! 
So much to do so much to see- 
So what's wrong with taking the backstreets? 
You never know if you don't go. 
You never stop if you don't know. 
[''For a few seconds he sounds like one of the Bee Gees and then his voice immediately drops back down''] 
Hey now! You're an allstar! 
[''He switches from taint rubbing to mass debating''] 
Get your game on go play! 
Hey now! You're a rockstar! 
Get the show on, get paid! 
And all that glitters is.. [''Sound cuts for a second''] 
[''Chris stops rapping and moves over to a body pillow''] 
-shootin' stars break the mold! 
[''Chris begins to fist the pillow as if it were a partner''] 
Cool place, and they say it gets colder. 
Bundle up now but you never get older. 
[''Mumbles''] satellite picture. 
Ice we skate [''Mumbles''] getting warm- 
so you might as well swim. [''Mumbles''] 
Yours? That's the way I like it and I never get BORED! 
[''Chris then gives the pillow doggy style''] 
Hey now! You're an allstar! Get the show on, get paid! 
HEY now! You're an allstar! Get the show on, get paid! 
And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break- 
the MOLD! [''Chris sings to the instrumental part while still humping the pillow''] 
[''He then switches back to mass debating''] 
Rockstar, get the show on get paid! 
And all that glitters is GOOOLD! 
SHOOTIN' STARS BR- 
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME [''Mumbles''] 
Get myself away from this place. 
I said yep, what a concept! 
[''Mumbles''] All use a little chaaaange! 
[''Mumbles''] smart but your head gets dumb 
So much to do, so much to see 
...what's wrong with TAKING the backstreet?! 
Uh, no, fairy snow 
Never shine if you don't know!

Hey now, you're an all star 
Get show on, get paid 
Hey now, you're a rock star 
Get the show on, get PAID 
And all that glitters is GOOOOLLLD 
...shooting stars break the MOOOOLD 
And all [''mumbling''] is gooooold 
Only shootin' stars break the MOOOOOOOLLLLDDD!!!!! 
[''music ends and all that's left is the unholy sound of Chris fapping'']}}

==See also==
* [[Shrek Retold]]
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
* [[Lesbian Sex Audition]]
* [[Chris humps his PS3]]
* [[Sam and Ellen]]
* [[BronyCon 2019#All Star 3.0|All Star 3.0]]

==External links==
*[https://hclips.com/videos/4129501/julay-3-for-shrek-s-eyes-only/?skip=10&source= Mirror of the sex tape]
*[https://archive.org/details/video_20211109_2239= Internet Archive of the sex tape]
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BbOvVssaqAu_z-tuQv6Ok696dZEF4U_x/view?usp=sharing= Google Drive footage of the sex tape]

==References==
<references/>

{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!]]|nextlink=[[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity]]