CWCki - User contributions [en]

3 December 2009

2011-12-03T18:11:55Z

Tadahima:

"'''3 December 2009'''" (officially "'''12032009.MOV'''") is the video where [[Chris]] talks about uploading [[Sonichu's Edge]], and then goes on about ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' for 5 minutes. Chris also uses this pair of videos as an excuse for why there would be no new page that day, seeing as running a short distance while stopping every twenty seconds is much harder.

Impressively, Chris confuses the acrobatic sport called "parkour" with the squeezable margarine called "Parkay". This ''may'' have something to do with him being an [[Autism|HFA]] [[Obesity|fatass]]. He also thinks he was doing the acrobatic sport, when he was clearly just running around.

In another example of [[Chris and his ego|his monstrous ego]], Chris describes his running stunt as "comparable" to the trailer for the game ''Mirror's Edge''. However, the stunts in Chris's video suck and are stupid, along with not existing.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = 12032009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|4oGo0d4RCHE}}
| stardate = 03 [[December 2009]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Sonichu Powerpoint]]
| next = [[Sonichu's Edge]]
}}

{{quote|I-tell-ya, my leg'll be botherin' me a bit tomorrow. [sighs] They're botherin' me a l'il bit right now, but anyway...|Chris, after running for four minutes}}

=== Transcript ===

[''[[sigh]]'']

[[Captain's Log]]: Stardate December 3rd, 2009

[''grunt'']

I just wanted to let you all know on this—uhh, just... on this warm day, uhh... uhh, no new page today, but it's 'cuz I did something much harder. As you will see in a video that I am currently uploading—err, will be uploading after this one... it's, uhh—I ran the downtown mall trek today... in a effor—in an effort to show how ver—how... high—how I feel about my [[Sonichu]], that I am definitely pumped up for... [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|pushin' him out into merchandise and everything]]. You might say it's comparable to ''Mirror's Edge'', the way I did it, as it will be described in the description on that page.

Yeah, so, anyway... whew. I got a l'il—I got tired from that. Huh-I-tell-ya, my leg'll be botherin' me tomo—a bit tomorrow. [''sighs, then speaks quietly''] They're botherin' me a l'il bit right now, but anyway... I'm man enough to admit that, and, you know, yeah.... [''coughs''] I even man enough to admit, that, you know, after the matter, after I got back to my car, I even came down with a bit of the hiccups. [''short chuckle''] I mean, it happens to the best of us.

Anyway, uhh... I will be doin—I will def—I will definitely be doing a page or two tomorrow. So, you know, look forward to that. And... power... to... me... and the-city-of-[[CWCville]], and s—all s—and all the electric hedgehogs. So, again, thank you, fans, for your loyalty and support. They will soon be... fulfilled.

Oh, and, also, as I had noted in a previous blog on the, uhh, CWCipedia... it is—I am—all the, uhh, quote/unquote merchandise that I dubbed as false in the past... are—I'm... now qu—I am now quoting as, uhh, official at this time. Unless—and with the exc—with the exception of... bootleg DVDs and books. Other than that, you know merchandise like action figures... backpacks... fabrics(?) [''strange noise''] that can be considered homemade, I will let those be considered '''official''' until when the merchandise actually becomes available in the retail stores everywhere... ...up to (and including) the, uhh, video game, possibly, and the DVD and '''Blu-ray''' of [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|''CWC... Yep, I'm on TV'']].

And, also, for y—the [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] and ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' players, you may notice a few levels have been d—deleted, because of the recent 50-something megabyte update, we are now finally able to back-up our levels on the hard drive or on a flash driv—or on ex—or on a flash drive. So, with that, I... took my c—took my collection in my Toy Box—in my Collector's Case to my Toy Boxes, copied them to my mo—to my moon, and ba—and ba—backed them up. Ai—so, we no longer need to back up our toys online; we can finally back them up as individual files. That's just—that's just great.

So, with that, uhh... take—take my copyable Collector's Case level that is still up on the ''Little Big Planet'' server, and fill it up with your collectible items and such, and, you know, until it's up to the point where it almo—up to the point where... it can be overheating, but, yeah, don't know overboard, [''giggles''] all that you—all the... stuff you collected from the uploaded ''Little Big Planet'' levels... into your Collector's Case, between the objects and the stickers—even the Photo Booth stickers; you can... definitely back those up. At which, in that case, all you have to do is ye—on "My Moon", you-uh select your level you have created, uhh, with the Collector's Case, add—add your items... to it. You just, uhh, select—you just select that, then select "Back-Up". There you s—and then you create—then you get to create a new save file, or, if it's a saved level, you can overwrite it, as an update.

[''gasps for air and holds up his index finger'']

'Scuse me.

So, there you go. That's all—that's all good. And, also with that, I updated the, uhh, [[PS3 History Level|PlayStation 3 Level]], where all the, uhh, XrossMediaBar icons have been moved to a... level ahead-I-shoulda created on the side, which was, uhh, previously locked to the public (gahh, didn't think of the key, until I just thought of it today). I replaced all those icons... in the pla—in—in the original level with blank score bubbles—with blank prize bubbles, and added the key that gets ya to the XrossMediaBar... icons. And, uhh, with each update, any new icons that come in on the XrossMediaBar... will be added... to that area. So... with that, use 'em wisely in your ''Little Big Planet'' levels. And you can back those up in the Collector's Cases and save them on your hard drive... or flash drive. Very good.

And, uhh, with that, uhh, I would-made(?)-one-thing, in the, uhh, PlayStation 3 level, I have stayed on top, because I have added a secret... that gi—that has a whole bunch of prize bubbles raining down... and I'll—and I'll let you—I'll finally let you in on that. There—the secret spot is a sticker ico—it's a sticker switch, and, where it is located: it is at... point B in the destination... of the "Sent E-mail" icon. ...Point B of the "S—of the... "Se—of the "Sent E-mail" icon.

With that, I'll leave you with the update, and... hopefully, you enjoy my run... my... French word—whatever, my "Parkay", I think it is uh whatever it is. But, anyway... the Sonichu's Edge.

Peace out, and have a great day.

==See also==
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]
* [[Obesity]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonichu Powerpoint]]|nextlink=[[Sonichu's Edge]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, December 2009| 2009-12-03]]
[[Category: CWCipedia Saga videos| 2009-12-03]]

Calling Out

2011-08-07T10:06:07Z

Tadahima: /* Transcript */ - closed hanging tag

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of three videos Chris uploaded on 6 August, 2011 following an [[100 2357.MOV|8 month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

These videos showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting a new earring in these videos, which may or may not be a real piercing. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent.

== Calling Out "Tito" - Don ==
This video, also known as ''101 2461'', Chris announces his return to the internet. He claims to have information as to the true identity of various trolls, including [[Surfshack Tito]] (aka Don). After briefly showing viewers a fragment of the real Tito, Chris lists his demands to prevent the release of the full photo and, presumably, other revealing documents.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Tito" - Don
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gDuIfwZbN3c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[100 2357.MOV]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Looks at camera with an emotionless face, and then jerks the camera to his right]''

Attention, citizens of the internet. I am making a return. [[Chris and Ego|Y'all should know me by now]], if in case if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] and the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|electric hedgehog Pokemon]]. Firstly, upon that note, I would like to inform everyone that it was originally meant to be a TV-Y7 rated...[[Chris and english|friendship socializing, promoting type of series]]...it is not meant to be taken otherwise in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|any adulterous forms]].

''[Jerks camera around more]''

And with that, I will now continue with why I am making my return. I am ready to initiate negotiations and paybacksss with the trolls, some cyberbullies that have been defiling me within the past five years...n- for the past four years. Firstly, I would like to make it well known that I have some information of such trolls and cyberbullies if at that point if I release them, they could be easily trolled back by aaanyone. And, the first [[Chris and english|among chopping block]] I would like to ensue, [[Surfshack Tito|'''Surfshack Tito''']]...or should I day, Don in Michigan! And I'm not saying that he's a total [[Obesity|fat person]], but [[Random Access Humor|he would make the really big Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison]]. In fact, with his looks, he could be a [[Inos|Rasta]] Buddha! And I show you only a fragment of the [[speech impediment|pho-to-graph]]. ''[Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.]''

Now, DON. Let's talk business. If you do not want me to review- reveal the entire pho-to-graph, or any of the remainder of your information of which I have upon my possession, [[Chris and negotiation|YOU WILL FOLLOW MY DEMANDS]]! And they are listed as such....

I want you to come forward with- come forward with your participation in, uh, [[PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]] hackings...directly to Sony Computer Entertainment America and Sony Computer Entertainment [[Anime|Japan]] with a '''live video''', unaltered, ay, uh--slightly altered, you MAY blur your face. That is the only option you get: Blurring your face. You will apologize to...Sony and mess up for hacking the Playstation Network and all, [[Chris and Reality|'cause I know you are responsible for that]].

And also, I would you to, in that- within that same video, or in a separate video, apologize directly to my [[Gal-Pals|ex-girlfriend]] Heather and her family. You may even call them up on the telephone that you are the one among which responsibole for pretending to be me...and stopping that relationship between us, 'cause I would like to have peace between my past friends, because I don't like there to be bad things or [[Megan|ill tidings]] between people. ''(Pauses)'' And I know it was partially my fault, too, on that, by the way, within that relationship breakup.

But anyway, moving on with my demands, I would also like you to set me to send me via U.S. Mail, '''ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH'''. American. Unmarked billssss, snail-mailed to my home address, in a long small, white envelope, with YOUR home address clearly, legibly, hand writ-ten on the envelope in the return area. Next, I want you to remove '''ALL''' of the -cr-'''ALL''' of the pages on the website known as the [[CWCki|CWCki]] that have originally came from you that you have started. Also, as well as all contributions you have to any other pages as well. And lastly, from this point, after you have done things things, I would like you, '''Don''' of '''Michigan''', to leave me, my [[Lie|life]], my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my [[SonichuBabies|friends]] '''alone'''. To be. For the rest of our lives. In peace.

I leave that up to you [[Speech Impediment|Surussshack Tito]]. Expect another video in the near fu- in the near future of another troll I am well aware of. Thank you.

== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, Chris calls out "Thorg" (aka Jeremy) and again, sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[#Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"|Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbully, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And here is a sample of his [[Speech Impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[media:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- and had it uploaded upon the billboards in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Lie|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

[[Fail|I win]].

== Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg" ==
In this short video, Chris sets a deadline for Don and Jeremy to meet his demands - 31 August, 2011.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mP4wwvCSS7U}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===
''[Jerks around the camera and makes a wide-eyed, blank face]''

I almost forgot. Between Don and Jeremy, also known as Suresack- Surfshack Tito and Thorg, my demands, I would like them met before August, 31st, 2011, the end of this month. And if my demands are not met before then, I'm gonna reveal your respective real life photographs as well as the rest of the personal information of you two in the- respectively, that I have within my possession. And then you two will each be trolled by your own trolls, and the police will catch up with you.

So, each of you. Meet my demands before August 31, 2011.

''[Fumbles with the camera again, almost dropping it]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2357.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-06]]

Punchy Sonichu

2011-02-06T14:35:09Z

Tadahima:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| ??? (in universe)
21 February 2006 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'00"
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Ground
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| N/A
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' (Japanese: 人種的偏見って怖いよね) is a [[Sonichu (species)|sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a [[racist]] Asian stereotype due to his [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes]] and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]]. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref>

However, the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]] knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest and the spikes on his fists, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of 4 characters:

*[[Knuckles]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and blatant [[racism]] of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but he has not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him -- much to the anticipation of no one. This in contrast to [[Wild]], who has done so several times.<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_3/Page_3|Issue 3, Page 3}}</ref><ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_9/Page_6|Issue 9, Page 6}}</ref>
==Comic Appearances (漫画での登場)==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies (変色赤ちゃん)]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a [[Wikipedia:Dojo|Dōjō]], more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, and presumably to the [[The Moon|Moon]]. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref>

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet (ハリネズミの出会い)]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|Look at those eyes: you just know he's Asian]]

While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her over-sized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment (失恋とおとり捜査)]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot (忍び込む悪)]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break (春休み)]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (デート教育)]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense (自閉症防衛)]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry roves to wear radies ringerie.
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Lefelences==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]

John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue

2010-12-16T07:48:52Z

Tadahima: /* See also: */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|Featuring....[[Chris and English|HEWLY]] ANIMATED SCENES|Back cover}}
[[Image:0730-MeganAndJohn.JPG|thumb|You would play as the guy on the right.]]
'''''John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue''''' is another one of [[Chris]]'s shitty game ideas.

==John Schroeder==
John is Megan's brother whom Chris originally thought was her boyfriend. Not much is known about John, other than that he is [[Obesity|overweight]], shares similar interests with his sister and seemingly has an epicanthic fold, making him appear to be [[Slow in the minds|retarded]]. This would explain why Megan was able to put up with Chris's bullshit for so long. However, emails seem to imply that John is of regular intelligence. [[Mimms]] said that ''"Megan's brother isnt autistic, but he is kinda dumb."''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> Like Megan, his current whereabouts are unknown.

==John's Custom Gundam==
In an obvious bid for some [[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldier]] [[China]], Chris thought he'd ingratiate himself with Megan by casting her brother in one of his crappy games. This one manages to work in elements from his [[Sonichu]] comic series and the mecha [[anime]] franchise ''Mobile Suit Gundam''. Not much is known about the game, like the rest of Chris's ideas, beyond the mock cover. Interestingly, this piece (according to the "copyright" data) was produced sometime in [[2008]], which suggests that it pre-dates the drama over Megan's discovery of [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] but was created long after Megan told Chris that [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|he was creeping her out]] by casting her in his comics.

The most notable aspect of this game is that someone other than Chris or Sonichu is the protagonist. Instead, it's John Schroeder, Megan's brother. The picture states that John is to pilot a custom-built Gundam (made from [[Lego]] or [[Pixelblocks]], perhaps) to rescue Megan from [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her "overgrown army", the [[Jerkops]], [[Dr. Eggman]], and some random units from the original anime series antagonists, the Principality of Zeon (most likely Zaku spam).

The title of the game is slightly odd, considering the back cover states it's ''John'' who's rescuing the ''sister''; nothing indicates that John would have [[homos|sisterly tendencies]]. Or, one could just assume [[Chris and English|these kinds of weird linguistic slip-ups are to be expected]].

The reverse side of the box makes reference to several "features":
*Hi-Res 3D Graphics!
*HEWLY animated scenes!
*[[Chris and his Ego|Earn the right]] to play Chris-chan's Side of The Story! (because Chris refuses to create a game where he isn't featured)
*Help John Schroeder be a darn good [[Wikipedia:Big Brother (Nineteen Eighty-Four)|Big Brother]]!

It is also set to feature Chris and Megan's voices (an unlikely prospect now, given the events surrounding ShecameforCWC.jpg).

It is more than likely that Chris copied most of this off from the cover to the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo]]'', which is part of his [[List of Chris's games|game collection]], but it's currently unknown at this time.

The game's cover indicates that it is rated T for Teen, suggesting that does not feature the same kind of HONEST content as ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

The item number on the box is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]], referencing the song by Tommy Tutone and showing once again that Chris can't go for five seconds without [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping something off]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:324-1-JohnsGundamFront.jpg
Image:324-2-JohnsGundamBack.jpg
Image:324-3-JohnsGundamPS2.jpg
Image:324-4-JohnsGundamLable.jpg
</gallery>

==See also:==
*[[Megan]]

==References:==
<references/>

{{Stub}}
[[Category:Video games created by Chris]]

{{MeganSaga}}

Punchy Sonichu

2010-12-16T05:55:12Z

Tadahima: Less Google Translator shit, please.

[[Image:Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]]]
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Punchy Sonichu''' (Japanese: 人種的偏見って怖いよね) is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a [[racist]] Asian stereotype due to his [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes]] and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]]. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref>

However, the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles]] knockoff (note the spikes on his gloves/fists), which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of 4 characters:

*[[Knuckles]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the blatant [[racism]] of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but he has not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him -- much to the anticipation of no one. This in contrast to [[Wild]], who has done so several times.<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_3/Page_3|Issue 3, Page 3}}</ref><ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_9/Page_6|Issue 9, Page 6}}</ref>
==Comic Appearances (漫画での登場)==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies (変色赤ちゃん)]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a [[Wikipedia:Dojo|Dōjō]] where Master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky. Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref>

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet (ハリネズミの出会い)]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|Look at those eyes: you just know he's Asian]]

While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her over-sized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment (失恋とおとり捜査)]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot (忍び込む悪)]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break (春休み)]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (デート教育)]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense (自閉症防衛)]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry roves to wear radies rengerie.
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Lefelences==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]

How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls

2010-12-16T05:42:29Z

Tadahima: /* Page 3 */ - fixed formatting fail

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|Cover page of the original assignment. Note the English class.]]

{{quote|Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story..|''How the [[Pokémon]] Came into Our Poké Balls'', Tablet 1, Fragment 1; author unknown, but typically attributed to "High Shaman Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded"}}

'''"How the Pokémon came into Our PokéBalls"''' is a short story by [[Christian]] done in his ''senior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].'' In it, he attempts to establish some form of creation-myth for the [[Pokémon]] universe. Coincidentally, there is an [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sinnoh_myths official one] now.

How it got a good grade is a mystery lost to time.

==Introduction==
[[Image:How_the_pokemon_came_into_our_pokeballs.png|thumb|Something like this...]]
How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poké Balls.
10/30/[[1999|99]]
(Intro.)

For my [[English]] class in late [[September 2009|September of this year]], I had to write my own
myth. So, I figured "Why not make a myth about how [[Pokémon]] came to be."

My [[English]] teacher thought that it was a great story. So did my [[Barbara|mom]] and a
few [[Christian Weston Chandler|other people]]. Since it was so good, I thought I'd feature it on this website. Click Here to read my story. Enjoy. :)

==Page 1==
9/22/99
Page 1.
[[Image:Mewchew.jpg|thumb|right|Mewchu, the creator-god of the [[Pokémon]], according to Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded.]] Some people say that the Pokemon came from the sky in a giant
rock known as the Moon Stone. Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true... this is the
true story.

A long, long time ago in the heavens above, there were such
powerful gods as [[Wikipedia:Zeus|Zeus]], Maheo<ref>[http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/native_american-mythology.php?deity=MAHEO Maheo is a Native American creation deity]</ref>, and [[GodJesus|many more]]. But, it all started with
a rookie god, known as...Mewchu. He had thepower to help provide for the
animals, plants, minerals, and to keep track of the seven natural powers of
the universe: Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Fighting, Psychic, and the
power of the Colorless Star.

Mewchu made sure that the animals and plants were fed from [[McDonald's|natures
good foods]]. He made sure that nature's minerals, such as rocks, dirt from
the ground, and the [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|mucky messes]] were used for their purpose.

One day, Mewchu said to himself, "[[Monthly Tugboat|There must be a way to allow the
animals, small and big, to do these tough chores, so that I may be able to
be a little clean.]]" Then, he thought, "Why not give some of the natural
powers to a new type of creature." So, he went down to earth with the
power to absorb the natural powers of earth, and share it. So, he
stood... in the middle of the Pacific, surrounded by islands of seven
and water.
[[Image:Mewchu.png|thumb|right|True and Original Creator of all [[Pokemon]] , DO NOT STEAL!.]]

He decided to start with making a powerful animal to assist him
in his great task. Then, he found a weird creature on an island. It was
mostly white, blue eyes, short arms, big feet, and a long tail with a pink fpsy

tip. Mewchu has never seen such an animal, so he absorbed the power of
Psychic from the stars, gave the creature a gentle rub on its back, and
picked it up. And Mewchu said to the creature, "You, rare creature, have
received the supernatural power of the Psychics from the stars above us.
But you would need a name for you will be my assistant to make a new type
of elemental creatures. I shall call you...[[Wikipedia:Mew|Mew]]." And the Mew jumped for
joy, then set him down with some wise words. "Mew," Mewchu said, "I want
you to pick some animals that are here now, and share with them the Psychic
power. For I would not be able to, because I may only share each elemental
power only one time for one creature or more. I trust that you can share
this power, while I handle the other six elemental powers." Then he set the
Mew down, on its island and it went on its way.

==Page 2==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 2.

Mewchu decided to start with the power of grass, so he rubbed the
grass of another island's ground, and he waved his hand over the trees.
A [[Wikipedia:Triceratops|triceratops]] began to lose its horns, and it turned into a creature
called [[Wikipedia:Bulbasaur|Bulbasaur]]. A caterpillar lost its fuzz; it grew a little bigger; it
turned green, and it got the name of [[Wikipedia:Caterpie|Caterpie]]. Another caterpillar's fur
only shortened; it grew a small horn; it grew a little, like the Caterpie
did; it turned orange, and it became a [[Wikipedia:Weedle|Weedle]]. A rattlesnake turned
purple, and grew a single yellow stripe; it became an [[Wikipedia:Ekans|Ekans]]. A rat grew
small horns, turned blue, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♀|Nidoran (female)]]. And, another rat
grew bigger horns, turned pink, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♂|Nidoran (male)]]. A bat's legs
turned to two tails as thin as a blade of grass, its ears grew bigger, and
it became a [[Wikipedia:Zubat|Zubat]]. A tiny bush sprouted out of the ground, grew eyes,
and became an [[Wikipedia:Oddish|Oddish]]. A fuzzy bush grew two teeth like a vampire; it
became a [[Wikipedia:Venonat|Venonat]]. A bell-shaped palm shrunk; it became a [[Wikipedia:Bellsprout|Bellsprout]].
A mud puddle grew into a [[Wikipedia:Grimer|Grimer]]. Six eggs bounced and said, "[[Wikipedia:Exeggcute|Exeggcute]]."
A puff of smoke became solid, and mentioned, "[[Wikipedia:Koffing|Koffing]]." A bunch of vines
gathered around another Oddish, it was [[Wikipedia:Tangela|Tangela]]. A dragonfly grew, and said,
"[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]." The rocks got a body of armor, and said, "[[Wikipedia:Pinser|Pinser]]."

Then Mewchu dipped his hand into the firey [[Wikipedia:Volcano|volcano]] of another
island, pulled it out, and waved his hand over the volcano. Many animals
were below. A baby [[Wikipedia:Tyrannosaurus|tyrannosaurus]] got fire on its tail, and yelled,
"[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charrrrmander]]!" A fox's tail split into six. Maybe, it's now a [[Wikipedia:Vulpix|Vulpix]].
A dog turned orange, and growled, "[[Wikipedia:Growlithe|Growwwllithe]]!" A [[Wikipedia:Ponyta|pony]] got burned, and
neighed. A chunk of ash was revived and turned into a [[Wikipedia:Magmar|Magmar]]. And, a big
bird flew out the volcano, it was a [[Wikipedia:Moltres|Moltres]].

Mewchu then dipped his hand in the ocean's waters, and gave another
wave over another island with a big lake in the middle. A baby turtle and
a squirrel on an island joined together to make a [[Wikipedia:Squirtle|Squirtle]]. A fat duck
turned yellow with a headache; it became a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]]. A tadpole got bigger
with a swirl on its belly, a [[Wikipedia:Poliwag|Poliwag]] came to be. A jellyfish's arms shrunk
into two. It was then a [[Wikipedia:Tentacool|Tentacool]]. A [[Wikipedia:Slowpoke|Slowpoke]] was formed when a baby
hippopotamus grew a tail. A seal turned white, and grew a horn on its
head; it was [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Seel|Seel]]. A shell opened up, and stuck out a tongue, hello
[[Wikipedia:Shellder|Shellder]]. A [[Wikipedia:Krabby|Krabby]] came when a crab got crowned. A seahorse started to
spit oil, a fish grew a horn on its head, and starfish grew a jewel.
Here were a [[Wikipedia:Horsea|Horsea]], a [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], and a [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]. A crown from a treasure grew
onto a hard-shell fish; here was a [[Wikipedia:Magikarp|Magikarp]]. A rare lochness monster grew
a spiked shell on its back; it became a [[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]]. A fossil was revived; it
was an Omanyte. Out of an arctic ice berg, an Articuno broke out.

==Page 3==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 3.

Meanwhile, Mew shared its Psychic power with a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]], and a
[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Slowpoke|Slowpoke]]. When Mew shared it with a rat, it fell asleep, and grew into
an [[Wikipedia:Abra_(Pok%C3%A9mon)|Abra]]. When Mew came across the body of a dead lizard, it summoned its
spirit, and shared some "[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Gastly|Gastly]]" secrets with it. Later, Mew met an
anteater; Mew put it to sleep, and the anteater became a [[Wikipedia:Drowzee|Drowzee]]. Mew found two monkeys, with an evolution. One turned into a [[Wikipedia:Mr. Mime|Mr. Mime]], and the other became a [[Wikipedia:Jynx|Jynx]]. Later in the night, Mew gave birth, and the baby Mew looked
different. The new Mew gave its mother a psychic attack, and thrown it up
a tree. Suddenly, the new Mew grew to the size that of a man with many years, It was a [[Magi-chan|Mewtwo]].

Meanwhile, Mewchu found a barren island with sand and rocks. He
punched it, and out of the ground came the fighting and ground type
creatures: [[Wikipedia:Sandshrew|Sandshrew]], [[Wikipedia:Diglett|Diglett]], [[Wikipedia:Mankey|Mankey]], [[Wikipedia:Machop|Machop]], [[Wikipedia:Geodude|Geodude]], [[Wikipedia:Onix|Onix]], [[Wikipedia:Cubone|Cubone]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonchan|Hitmonchan]], [[Wikipedia:Rhyhorn|Rhyhorn]], and a [[Wikipedia:Kabuto|Kabuto]].

Then Mewchu summoned a thunderstorm, and lightning struck another
island. The lightning hit a little mouse, and the mouse grew into a
[[Pikachu]]. Metallic minerals rose out of the ground of a small area of the
island, and it formed to make a [[Wikipedia:Magnemite|Magnemite]]. A coconut was struck with a
piece of the metallic material carrying some of the electric power; the
coconut turned metallic; it became a [[Sonichu_10#Christian_Lies.2C_Simonla_Dies|Voltorb]]. A wild cat was struck, and
it became an [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (102–151)#Electabuzz|Electabuzz]]. And out of the thunderous clouds came a [[Wikipedia:Zapdos|Zapdos]].

And finally, Mewchu planted a transparent star in the middle of the
other island. And from the star came the Colorless creatures: [[Wikipedia:Pidgey,_Pidgeotto,_and_Pidgeot|Pidgey]],
[[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Rattata|Rattata]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Spearow|Spearow]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Clefairy|Clefairy]], [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]], [[Wikipedia:Meowth|Meowth]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(52%E2%80%93101)#Farfetch.27d|Farfetch'd]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(52%E2%80%93101)#Doduo|Doduo]],
[[Wikipedia:Lickitung|Lickitung]], [[Wikipedia:Chansey|Chansey]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Tauros|Tauros]], [[Wikipedia:Eevee|Eevee]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Porygon|Porygon]], and [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Dratini|Dratini]].
Before Mewchu bid farewell, he waved his hand over all seven
islands, and most of the creatures evolved into more powerful creatures.
And, then He shouted out, "May these creatures be helpful to the earth,
and may they use their abilities wisely." Then, he said with a tear of
joy, "Farewell,... Pokemon." And Mewchu flew back into the heavens.

The End.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Writings}}
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Poetry]]

How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls

2010-12-16T05:38:05Z

Tadahima: /* Page 3 */ - moar pokeymanz

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|Cover page of the original assignment. Note the English class.]]

{{quote|Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story..|''How the [[Pokémon]] Came into Our Poké Balls'', Tablet 1, Fragment 1; author unknown, but typically attributed to "High Shaman Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded"}}

'''"How the Pokémon came into Our PokéBalls"''' is a short story by [[Christian]] done in his ''senior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].'' In it, he attempts to establish some form of creation-myth for the [[Pokémon]] universe. Coincidentally, there is an [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sinnoh_myths official one] now.

How it got a good grade is a mystery lost to time.

==Introduction==
[[Image:How_the_pokemon_came_into_our_pokeballs.png|thumb|Something like this...]]
How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poké Balls.
10/30/[[1999|99]]
(Intro.)

For my [[English]] class in late [[September 2009|September of this year]], I had to write my own
myth. So, I figured "Why not make a myth about how [[Pokémon]] came to be."

My [[English]] teacher thought that it was a great story. So did my [[Barbara|mom]] and a
few [[Christian Weston Chandler|other people]]. Since it was so good, I thought I'd feature it on this website. Click Here to read my story. Enjoy. :)

==Page 1==
9/22/99
Page 1.
[[Image:Mewchew.jpg|thumb|right|Mewchu, the creator-god of the [[Pokémon]], according to Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded.]] Some people say that the Pokemon came from the sky in a giant
rock known as the Moon Stone. Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true... this is the
true story.

A long, long time ago in the heavens above, there were such
powerful gods as [[Wikipedia:Zeus|Zeus]], Maheo<ref>[http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/native_american-mythology.php?deity=MAHEO Maheo is a Native American creation deity]</ref>, and [[GodJesus|many more]]. But, it all started with
a rookie god, known as...Mewchu. He had thepower to help provide for the
animals, plants, minerals, and to keep track of the seven natural powers of
the universe: Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Fighting, Psychic, and the
power of the Colorless Star.

Mewchu made sure that the animals and plants were fed from [[McDonald's|natures
good foods]]. He made sure that nature's minerals, such as rocks, dirt from
the ground, and the [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|mucky messes]] were used for their purpose.

One day, Mewchu said to himself, "[[Monthly Tugboat|There must be a way to allow the
animals, small and big, to do these tough chores, so that I may be able to
be a little clean.]]" Then, he thought, "Why not give some of the natural
powers to a new type of creature." So, he went down to earth with the
power to absorb the natural powers of earth, and share it. So, he
stood... in the middle of the Pacific, surrounded by islands of seven
and water.
[[Image:Mewchu.png|thumb|right|True and Original Creator of all [[Pokemon]] , DO NOT STEAL!.]]

He decided to start with making a powerful animal to assist him
in his great task. Then, he found a weird creature on an island. It was
mostly white, blue eyes, short arms, big feet, and a long tail with a pink fpsy

tip. Mewchu has never seen such an animal, so he absorbed the power of
Psychic from the stars, gave the creature a gentle rub on its back, and
picked it up. And Mewchu said to the creature, "You, rare creature, have
received the supernatural power of the Psychics from the stars above us.
But you would need a name for you will be my assistant to make a new type
of elemental creatures. I shall call you...[[Wikipedia:Mew|Mew]]." And the Mew jumped for
joy, then set him down with some wise words. "Mew," Mewchu said, "I want
you to pick some animals that are here now, and share with them the Psychic
power. For I would not be able to, because I may only share each elemental
power only one time for one creature or more. I trust that you can share
this power, while I handle the other six elemental powers." Then he set the
Mew down, on its island and it went on its way.

==Page 2==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 2.

Mewchu decided to start with the power of grass, so he rubbed the
grass of another island's ground, and he waved his hand over the trees.
A [[Wikipedia:Triceratops|triceratops]] began to lose its horns, and it turned into a creature
called [[Wikipedia:Bulbasaur|Bulbasaur]]. A caterpillar lost its fuzz; it grew a little bigger; it
turned green, and it got the name of [[Wikipedia:Caterpie|Caterpie]]. Another caterpillar's fur
only shortened; it grew a small horn; it grew a little, like the Caterpie
did; it turned orange, and it became a [[Wikipedia:Weedle|Weedle]]. A rattlesnake turned
purple, and grew a single yellow stripe; it became an [[Wikipedia:Ekans|Ekans]]. A rat grew
small horns, turned blue, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♀|Nidoran (female)]]. And, another rat
grew bigger horns, turned pink, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♂|Nidoran (male)]]. A bat's legs
turned to two tails as thin as a blade of grass, its ears grew bigger, and
it became a [[Wikipedia:Zubat|Zubat]]. A tiny bush sprouted out of the ground, grew eyes,
and became an [[Wikipedia:Oddish|Oddish]]. A fuzzy bush grew two teeth like a vampire; it
became a [[Wikipedia:Venonat|Venonat]]. A bell-shaped palm shrunk; it became a [[Wikipedia:Bellsprout|Bellsprout]].
A mud puddle grew into a [[Wikipedia:Grimer|Grimer]]. Six eggs bounced and said, "[[Wikipedia:Exeggcute|Exeggcute]]."
A puff of smoke became solid, and mentioned, "[[Wikipedia:Koffing|Koffing]]." A bunch of vines
gathered around another Oddish, it was [[Wikipedia:Tangela|Tangela]]. A dragonfly grew, and said,
"[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]." The rocks got a body of armor, and said, "[[Wikipedia:Pinser|Pinser]]."

Then Mewchu dipped his hand into the firey [[Wikipedia:Volcano|volcano]] of another
island, pulled it out, and waved his hand over the volcano. Many animals
were below. A baby [[Wikipedia:Tyrannosaurus|tyrannosaurus]] got fire on its tail, and yelled,
"[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charrrrmander]]!" A fox's tail split into six. Maybe, it's now a [[Wikipedia:Vulpix|Vulpix]].
A dog turned orange, and growled, "[[Wikipedia:Growlithe|Growwwllithe]]!" A [[Wikipedia:Ponyta|pony]] got burned, and
neighed. A chunk of ash was revived and turned into a [[Wikipedia:Magmar|Magmar]]. And, a big
bird flew out the volcano, it was a [[Wikipedia:Moltres|Moltres]].

Mewchu then dipped his hand in the ocean's waters, and gave another
wave over another island with a big lake in the middle. A baby turtle and
a squirrel on an island joined together to make a [[Wikipedia:Squirtle|Squirtle]]. A fat duck
turned yellow with a headache; it became a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]]. A tadpole got bigger
with a swirl on its belly, a [[Wikipedia:Poliwag|Poliwag]] came to be. A jellyfish's arms shrunk
into two. It was then a [[Wikipedia:Tentacool|Tentacool]]. A [[Wikipedia:Slowpoke|Slowpoke]] was formed when a baby
hippopotamus grew a tail. A seal turned white, and grew a horn on its
head; it was [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Seel|Seel]]. A shell opened up, and stuck out a tongue, hello
[[Wikipedia:Shellder|Shellder]]. A [[Wikipedia:Krabby|Krabby]] came when a crab got crowned. A seahorse started to
spit oil, a fish grew a horn on its head, and starfish grew a jewel.
Here were a [[Wikipedia:Horsea|Horsea]], a [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], and a [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]. A crown from a treasure grew
onto a hard-shell fish; here was a [[Wikipedia:Magikarp|Magikarp]]. A rare lochness monster grew
a spiked shell on its back; it became a [[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]]. A fossil was revived; it
was an Omanyte. Out of an arctic ice berg, an Articuno broke out.

==Page 3==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 3.

Meanwhile, Mew shared its Psychic power with a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]], and a
[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Slowpoke|Slowpoke]]. When Mew shared it with a rat, it fell asleep, and grew into
an [[Wikipedia:Abra_(Pok%C3%A9mon)|Abra]]. When Mew came across the body of a dead lizard, it summoned its
spirit, and shared some "[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Gastly|Gastly]]" secrets with it. Later, Mew met an
anteater; Mew put it to sleep, and the anteater became a [[Wikipedia:Drowzee]]. Mew found two monkeys, with an evolution. One turned into a [[Wikipedia:Mr. Mime]], and the other became a [[Wikipedia:Jynx]]. Later in the night, Mew gave birth, and the baby Mew looked
different. The new Mew gave its mother a psychic attack, and thrown it up
a tree. Suddenly, the new Mew grew to the size that of a man with many years, It was a [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo]].

Meanwhile, Mewchu found a barren island with sand and rocks. He
punched it, and out of the ground came the fighting and ground type
creatures: [[Wikipedia:Sandshrew]], [[Wikipedia:Diglett]], [[Wikipedia:Mankey|Mankey]], [[Wikipedia:Machop|Machop]], [[Wikipedia:Geodude|Geodude]], [[Wikipedia:Onix|Onix]], [[Wikipedia:Cubone|Cubone]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonchan|Hitmonchan]], [[Wikipedia:Rhyhorn|Rhyhorn]], and a [[Wikipedia:Kabuto|Kabuto]].

Then Mewchu summoned a thunderstorm, and lightning struck another
island. The lightning hit a little mouse, and the mouse grew into a
[[Pikachu]]. Metallic minerals rose out of the ground of a small area of the
island, and it formed to make a [[Wikipedia:Magnemite]]. A coconut was struck with a
piece of the metallic material carrying some of the electric power; the
coconut turned metallic; it became a [[Sonichu_10#Christian_Lies.2C_Simonla_Dies|Voltorb]]. A wild cat was struck, and
it became an [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (102–151)#Electabuzz|Electabuzz]]. And out of the thunderous clouds came a [[Wikipedia:Zapdos]].

And finally, Mewchu planted a transparent star in the middle of the
other island. And from the star came the Colorless creatures: [[Wikipedia:Pidgey,_Pidgeotto,_and_Pidgeot|Pidgey]],
[[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Rattata|Rattata]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Spearow|Spearow]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(1%E2%80%9351)#Clefairy|Clefairy]], [[Jiggliami|Jigglypuff]], [[Wikipedia:Meowth]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(52%E2%80%93101)#Farfetch.27d|Farfetch'd]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(52%E2%80%93101)#Doduo|Doduo]],
[[Wikipedia:Lickitung]], [[Wikipedia:Chansey]], [[Wikipedia:List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Tauros|Tauros]], [[Wikipedia:Eevee]], [[List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Porygon|Porygon]], and [[List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon_(102%E2%80%93151)#Dratini|Dratini]].
Before Mewchu bid farewell, he waved his hand over all seven
islands, and most of the creatures evolved into more powerful creatures.
And, then He shouted out, "May these creatures be helpful to the earth,
and may they use their abilities wisely." Then, he said with a tear of
joy, "Farewell,... Pokemon." And Mewchu flew back into the heavens.

The End.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Writings}}
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Poetry]]

How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls

2010-12-16T05:21:44Z

Tadahima: /* Page 1 */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|Cover page of the original assignment. Note the English class.]]

{{quote|Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story..|''How the [[Pokémon]] Came into Our Poké Balls'', Tablet 1, Fragment 1; author unknown, but typically attributed to "High Shaman Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded"}}

'''"How the Pokémon came into Our PokéBalls"''' is a short story by [[Christian]] done in his ''senior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].'' In it, he attempts to establish some form of creation-myth for the [[Pokémon]] universe. Coincidentally, there is an [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sinnoh_myths official one] now.

How it got a good grade is a mystery lost to time.

==Introduction==
[[Image:How_the_pokemon_came_into_our_pokeballs.png|thumb|Something like this...]]
How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poké Balls.
10/30/[[1999|99]]
(Intro.)

For my [[English]] class in late [[September 2009|September of this year]], I had to write my own
myth. So, I figured "Why not make a myth about how [[Pokémon]] came to be."

My [[English]] teacher thought that it was a great story. So did my [[Barbara|mom]] and a
few [[Christian Weston Chandler|other people]]. Since it was so good, I thought I'd feature it on this website. Click Here to read my story. Enjoy. :)

==Page 1==
9/22/99
Page 1.
[[Image:Mewchew.jpg|thumb|right|Mewchu, the creator-god of the [[Pokémon]], according to Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded.]] Some people say that the Pokemon came from the sky in a giant
rock known as the Moon Stone. Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true... this is the
true story.

A long, long time ago in the heavens above, there were such
powerful gods as [[Wikipedia:Zeus|Zeus]], Maheo<ref>[http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/native_american-mythology.php?deity=MAHEO Maheo is a Native American creation deity]</ref>, and [[GodJesus|many more]]. But, it all started with
a rookie god, known as...Mewchu. He had thepower to help provide for the
animals, plants, minerals, and to keep track of the seven natural powers of
the universe: Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Fighting, Psychic, and the
power of the Colorless Star.

Mewchu made sure that the animals and plants were fed from [[McDonald's|natures
good foods]]. He made sure that nature's minerals, such as rocks, dirt from
the ground, and the [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|mucky messes]] were used for their purpose.

One day, Mewchu said to himself, "[[Monthly Tugboat|There must be a way to allow the
animals, small and big, to do these tough chores, so that I may be able to
be a little clean.]]" Then, he thought, "Why not give some of the natural
powers to a new type of creature." So, he went down to earth with the
power to absorb the natural powers of earth, and share it. So, he
stood... in the middle of the Pacific, surrounded by islands of seven
and water.
[[Image:Mewchu.png|thumb|right|True and Original Creator of all [[Pokemon]] , DO NOT STEAL!.]]

He decided to start with making a powerful animal to assist him
in his great task. Then, he found a weird creature on an island. It was
mostly white, blue eyes, short arms, big feet, and a long tail with a pink fpsy

tip. Mewchu has never seen such an animal, so he absorbed the power of
Psychic from the stars, gave the creature a gentle rub on its back, and
picked it up. And Mewchu said to the creature, "You, rare creature, have
received the supernatural power of the Psychics from the stars above us.
But you would need a name for you will be my assistant to make a new type
of elemental creatures. I shall call you...[[Wikipedia:Mew|Mew]]." And the Mew jumped for
joy, then set him down with some wise words. "Mew," Mewchu said, "I want
you to pick some animals that are here now, and share with them the Psychic
power. For I would not be able to, because I may only share each elemental
power only one time for one creature or more. I trust that you can share
this power, while I handle the other six elemental powers." Then he set the
Mew down, on its island and it went on its way.

==Page 2==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 2.

Mewchu decided to start with the power of grass, so he rubbed the
grass of another island's ground, and he waved his hand over the trees.
A [[Wikipedia:Triceratops|triceratops]] began to lose its horns, and it turned into a creature
called [[Wikipedia:Bulbasaur|Bulbasaur]]. A caterpillar lost its fuzz; it grew a little bigger; it
turned green, and it got the name of [[Wikipedia:Caterpie|Caterpie]]. Another caterpillar's fur
only shortened; it grew a small horn; it grew a little, like the Caterpie
did; it turned orange, and it became a [[Wikipedia:Weedle|Weedle]]. A rattlesnake turned
purple, and grew a single yellow stripe; it became an [[Wikipedia:Ekans|Ekans]]. A rat grew
small horns, turned blue, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♀|Nidoran (female)]]. And, another rat
grew bigger horns, turned pink, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♂|Nidoran (male)]]. A bat's legs
turned to two tails as thin as a blade of grass, its ears grew bigger, and
it became a [[Wikipedia:Zubat|Zubat]]. A tiny bush sprouted out of the ground, grew eyes,
and became an [[Wikipedia:Oddish|Oddish]]. A fuzzy bush grew two teeth like a vampire; it
became a [[Wikipedia:Venonat|Venonat]]. A bell-shaped palm shrunk; it became a [[Wikipedia:Bellsprout|Bellsprout]].
A mud puddle grew into a [[Wikipedia:Grimer|Grimer]]. Six eggs bounced and said, "[[Wikipedia:Exeggcute|Exeggcute]]."
A puff of smoke became solid, and mentioned, "[[Wikipedia:Koffing|Koffing]]." A bunch of vines
gathered around another Oddish, it was [[Wikipedia:Tangela|Tangela]]. A dragonfly grew, and said,
"[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]." The rocks got a body of armor, and said, "[[Wikipedia:Pinser|Pinser]]."

Then Mewchu dipped his hand into the firey [[Wikipedia:Volcano|volcano]] of another
island, pulled it out, and waved his hand over the volcano. Many animals
were below. A baby [[Wikipedia:Tyrannosaurus|tyrannosaurus]] got fire on its tail, and yelled,
"[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charrrrmander]]!" A fox's tail split into six. Maybe, it's now a [[Wikipedia:Vulpix|Vulpix]].
A dog turned orange, and growled, "[[Wikipedia:Growlithe|Growwwllithe]]!" A [[Wikipedia:Ponyta|pony]] got burned, and
neighed. A chunk of ash was revived and turned into a [[Wikipedia:Magmar|Magmar]]. And, a big
bird flew out the volcano, it was a [[Wikipedia:Moltres|Moltres]].

Mewchu then dipped his hand in the ocean's waters, and gave another
wave over another island with a big lake in the middle. A baby turtle and
a squirrel on an island joined together to make a [[Wikipedia:Squirtle|Squirtle]]. A fat duck
turned yellow with a headache; it became a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]]. A tadpole got bigger
with a swirl on its belly, a [[Wikipedia:Poliwag|Poliwag]] came to be. A jellyfish's arms shrunk
into two. It was then a [[Wikipedia:Tentacool|Tentacool]]. A [[Wikipedia:Slowpoke|Slowpoke]] was formed when a baby
hippopotamus grew a tail. A seal turned white, and grew a horn on its
head; it was [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Seel|Seel]]. A shell opened up, and stuck out a tongue, hello
[[Wikipedia:Shellder|Shellder]]. A [[Wikipedia:Krabby|Krabby]] came when a crab got crowned. A seahorse started to
spit oil, a fish grew a horn on its head, and starfish grew a jewel.
Here were a [[Wikipedia:Horsea|Horsea]], a [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], and a [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]. A crown from a treasure grew
onto a hard-shell fish; here was a [[Wikipedia:Magikarp|Magikarp]]. A rare lochness monster grew
a spiked shell on its back; it became a [[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]]. A fossil was revived; it
was an Omanyte. Out of an arctic ice berg, an Articuno broke out.

==Page 3==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 3.

Meanwhile, Mew shared its Psychic power with a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]], and a
[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Slowpoke|Slowpoke]]. When Mew shared it with a rat, it fell asleep, and grew into
an Abra. When Mew came across the body of a dead lizard, it summoned its
spirit, and shared some "Gastly" secrets with it. Later, Mew met an
anteater; Mew put it to sleep, and the anteater became a Drowzee. Mew found two monkeys, with an evolution. One turned into a Mr. Mime, and the other became a Jynx. Later in the night, Mew gave birth, and the baby Mew looked
different. The new Mew gave its mother a psychic attack, and thrown it up
a tree. Suddenly, the new Mew grew to the size that of a man with many years, It was a Mewtwo.

Meanwhile, Mewchu found a barren island with sand and rocks. He
punched it, and out of the ground came the fighting and ground type
creatures: [[Wikipedia:Sandshrew]], [[Wikipedia:Diglett]], [[Wikipedia:Mankey|Mankey]], [[Wikipedia:Machop|Machop]], [[Wikipedia:Geodude|Geodude]], [[Wikipedia:Onix|Onix]], [[Wikipedia:Cubone|Cubone]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonchan|Hitmonchan]], [[Wikipedia:RhyhornRhyhorn]], and a [[Wikipedia:Kabuto|Kabuto]].

Then Mewchu summoned a thunderstorm, and lightning struck another
island. The lightning hit a little mouse, and the mouse grew into a
Pikachu.Metallic minerals rose out of the ground of a small area of the
island, and it formed to make a Magnemite. A coconut was struck with a
piece of the metallic material carrying some of the electric power; the
coconut turned metallic; it became a Voltorb. A wild cat was struck, and
it became an Electabuzz. And out of the thunderous clouds came a Zapdos.

And finally, Mewchu planted a transparent star in the middle of the
other island. And from the star came the Colorless creatures: Pidgey,
Rattata, Spearow, Clefairy, Jigglypuff, Meowth, Farfetch'd, Doduo,
Lickitung, Chansey, Tauros, Eevee, Porygon, and Dratini.
Before Mewchu bid farewell, he waved his hand over all seven
islands, and most of the creatures evolved into more powerful creatures.
And, then He shouted out, "May these creatures be helpful to the earth,
and may they use their abilities wisely." Then, he said with a tear of
joy, "Farewell,... Pokemon." And Mewchu flew back into the heavens.

The End.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Writings}}
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Poetry]]

How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls

2010-12-16T05:18:45Z

Tadahima: /* Page 3 */ - closed hanging tags.

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|Cover page of the original assignment. Note the English class.]]

{{quote|Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true...this is the
true story..|''How the [[Pokémon]] Came into Our Poké Balls'', Tablet 1, Fragment 1; author unknown, but typically attributed to "High Shaman Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded"}}

'''"How the Pokémon came into Our PokéBalls"''' is a short story by [[Christian]] done in his ''senior year of [[Manchester High School|high school]].'' In it, he attempts to establish some form of creation-myth for the [[Pokémon]] universe. Coincidentally, there is an [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sinnoh_myths official one] now.

How it got a good grade is a mystery lost to time.

==Introduction==
[[Image:How_the_pokemon_came_into_our_pokeballs.png|thumb|Something like this...]]
How the Pokemon Came Into Our Poké Balls.
10/30/[[1999|99]]
(Intro.)

For my [[English]] class in late [[September 2009|September of this year]], I had to write my own
myth. So, I figured "Why not make a myth about how [[Pokémon]] came to be."

My [[English]] teacher thought that it was a great story. So did my [[Barbara|mom]] and a
few [[Christian Weston Chandler|other people]]. Since it was so good, I thought I'd feature it on this website. Click Here to read my story. Enjoy. :)

==Page 1==
9/22/99
Page 1.
[[Image:Mewchew.jpg|thumb|right|Mewchu, the creator-god of the [[Pokémon]], according to Kris'Tchan the Feeble Minded.]] Some people say that the Pokemon came from the sky in a giant
rock known as the [[Moon Stone]. Others say that they originated from the depths of nature's elements. But, they are all not true... this is the
true story.

A long, long time ago in the heavens above, there were such
powerful gods as [[Wikipedia:Zeus|Zeus]], Maheo,<ref>[http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/native_american-mythology.php?deity=MAHEO Maheo is a Native American creation deity]</ref> and [[GodJesus|many more]]. But, it all started with
a rookie god, known as...Mewchu. He had thepower to help provide for the
animals, plants, minerals, and to keep track of the seven natural powers of
the universe: Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Fighting, Psychic, and the
power of the Colorless Star.

Mewchu made sure that the animals and plants were fed from [[McDonald's|natures
good foods]]. He made sure that nature's minerals, such as rocks, dirt from
the ground, and the [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|mucky messes]] were used for their purpose.

One day, Mewchu said to himself, "[[Monthly Tugboat|There must be a way to allow the
animals, small and big, to do these tough chores, so that I may be able to
be a little clean.]]" Then, he thought, "Why not give some of the natural
powers to a new type of creature." So, he went down to earth with the
power to absorb the natural powers of earth, and share it. So, he
stood... in the middle of the Pacific, surrounded by islands of seven
and water.
[[Image:Mewchu.png|thumb|right|True and Original Creator of all [[Pokemon]] , DO NOT STEAL!.]]

He decided to start with making a powerful animal to assist him
in his great task. Then, he found a weird creature on an island. It was
mostly white, blue eyes, short arms, big feet, and a long tail with a pink fpsy

tip. [[Wikipedia:Mewchu|Mewchu]] has never seen such an animal, so he absorbed the power of
Psychic from the stars, gave the creature a gentle rub on its back, and
picked it up. And Mewchu said to the creature, "You, rare creature, have
received the supernatural power of the Psychics from the stars above us.
But you would need a name for you will be my assistant to make a new type
of elemental creatures. I shall call you...[[Wikipedia:Mew|Mew]]." And the Mew jumped for
joy, then set him down with some wise words. "Mew," Mewchu said, "I want
you to pick some animals that are here now, and share with them the Psychic
power. For I would not be able to, because I may only share each elemental
power only one time for one creature or more. I trust that you can share
this power, while I handle the other six elemental powers." Then he set the
Mew down, on its island and it went on its way.

==Page 2==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 2.

Mewchu decided to start with the power of grass, so he rubbed the
grass of another island's ground, and he waved his hand over the trees.
A [[Wikipedia:Triceratops|triceratops]] began to lose its horns, and it turned into a creature
called [[Wikipedia:Bulbasaur|Bulbasaur]]. A caterpillar lost its fuzz; it grew a little bigger; it
turned green, and it got the name of [[Wikipedia:Caterpie|Caterpie]]. Another caterpillar's fur
only shortened; it grew a small horn; it grew a little, like the Caterpie
did; it turned orange, and it became a [[Wikipedia:Weedle|Weedle]]. A rattlesnake turned
purple, and grew a single yellow stripe; it became an [[Wikipedia:Ekans|Ekans]]. A rat grew
small horns, turned blue, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♀|Nidoran (female)]]. And, another rat
grew bigger horns, turned pink, and became a [[Wikipedia:Nidoran♂|Nidoran (male)]]. A bat's legs
turned to two tails as thin as a blade of grass, its ears grew bigger, and
it became a [[Wikipedia:Zubat|Zubat]]. A tiny bush sprouted out of the ground, grew eyes,
and became an [[Wikipedia:Oddish|Oddish]]. A fuzzy bush grew two teeth like a vampire; it
became a [[Wikipedia:Venonat|Venonat]]. A bell-shaped palm shrunk; it became a [[Wikipedia:Bellsprout|Bellsprout]].
A mud puddle grew into a [[Wikipedia:Grimer|Grimer]]. Six eggs bounced and said, "[[Wikipedia:Exeggcute|Exeggcute]]."
A puff of smoke became solid, and mentioned, "[[Wikipedia:Koffing|Koffing]]." A bunch of vines
gathered around another Oddish, it was [[Wikipedia:Tangela|Tangela]]. A dragonfly grew, and said,
"[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]." The rocks got a body of armor, and said, "[[Wikipedia:Pinser|Pinser]]."

Then Mewchu dipped his hand into the firey [[Wikipedia:Volcano|volcano]] of another
island, pulled it out, and waved his hand over the volcano. Many animals
were below. A baby [[Wikipedia:Tyrannosaurus|tyrannosaurus]] got fire on its tail, and yelled,
"[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charrrrmander]]!" A fox's tail split into six. Maybe, it's now a [[Wikipedia:Vulpix|Vulpix]].
A dog turned orange, and growled, "[[Wikipedia:Growlithe|Growwwllithe]]!" A [[Wikipedia:Ponyta|pony]] got burned, and
neighed. A chunk of ash was revived and turned into a [[Wikipedia:Magmar|Magmar]]. And, a big
bird flew out the volcano, it was a [[Wikipedia:Moltres|Moltres]].

Mewchu then dipped his hand in the ocean's waters, and gave another
wave over another island with a big lake in the middle. A baby turtle and
a squirrel on an island joined together to make a [[Wikipedia:Squirtle|Squirtle]]. A fat duck
turned yellow with a headache; it became a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]]. A tadpole got bigger
with a swirl on its belly, a [[Wikipedia:Poliwag|Poliwag]] came to be. A jellyfish's arms shrunk
into two. It was then a [[Wikipedia:Tentacool|Tentacool]]. A [[Wikipedia:Slowpoke|Slowpoke]] was formed when a baby
hippopotamus grew a tail. A seal turned white, and grew a horn on its
head; it was [[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Seel|Seel]]. A shell opened up, and stuck out a tongue, hello
[[Wikipedia:Shellder|Shellder]]. A [[Wikipedia:Krabby|Krabby]] came when a crab got crowned. A seahorse started to
spit oil, a fish grew a horn on its head, and starfish grew a jewel.
Here were a [[Wikipedia:Horsea|Horsea]], a [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], and a [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]]. A crown from a treasure grew
onto a hard-shell fish; here was a [[Wikipedia:Magikarp|Magikarp]]. A rare lochness monster grew
a spiked shell on its back; it became a [[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]]. A fossil was revived; it
was an Omanyte. Out of an arctic ice berg, an Articuno broke out.

==Page 3==
9/22/[[1999|99]]
Page 3.

Meanwhile, Mew shared its Psychic power with a [[Wikipedia:Psyduck|Psyduck]], and a
[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (52–101)#Slowpoke|Slowpoke]]. When Mew shared it with a rat, it fell asleep, and grew into
an Abra. When Mew came across the body of a dead lizard, it summoned its
spirit, and shared some "Gastly" secrets with it. Later, Mew met an
anteater; Mew put it to sleep, and the anteater became a Drowzee. Mew found two monkeys, with an evolution. One turned into a Mr. Mime, and the other became a Jynx. Later in the night, Mew gave birth, and the baby Mew looked
different. The new Mew gave its mother a psychic attack, and thrown it up
a tree. Suddenly, the new Mew grew to the size that of a man with many years, It was a Mewtwo.

Meanwhile, Mewchu found a barren island with sand and rocks. He
punched it, and out of the ground came the fighting and ground type
creatures: [[Wikipedia:Sandshrew]], [[Wikipedia:Diglett]], [[Wikipedia:Mankey|Mankey]], [[Wikipedia:Machop|Machop]], [[Wikipedia:Geodude|Geodude]], [[Wikipedia:Onix|Onix]], [[Wikipedia:Cubone|Cubone]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]], [[Wikipedia:Hitmonchan|Hitmonchan]], [[Wikipedia:RhyhornRhyhorn]], and a [[Wikipedia:Kabuto|Kabuto]].

Then Mewchu summoned a thunderstorm, and lightning struck another
island. The lightning hit a little mouse, and the mouse grew into a
Pikachu.Metallic minerals rose out of the ground of a small area of the
island, and it formed to make a Magnemite. A coconut was struck with a
piece of the metallic material carrying some of the electric power; the
coconut turned metallic; it became a Voltorb. A wild cat was struck, and
it became an Electabuzz. And out of the thunderous clouds came a Zapdos.

And finally, Mewchu planted a transparent star in the middle of the
other island. And from the star came the Colorless creatures: Pidgey,
Rattata, Spearow, Clefairy, Jigglypuff, Meowth, Farfetch'd, Doduo,
Lickitung, Chansey, Tauros, Eevee, Porygon, and Dratini.
Before Mewchu bid farewell, he waved his hand over all seven
islands, and most of the creatures evolved into more powerful creatures.
And, then He shouted out, "May these creatures be helpful to the earth,
and may they use their abilities wisely." Then, he said with a tear of
joy, "Farewell,... Pokemon." And Mewchu flew back into the heavens.

The End.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Writings}}
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Poetry]]

Jackie

2010-12-16T05:10:16Z

Tadahima: Undo revision 129178 by Knackmeister (talk)

{{quote|And you will be safe, as long as I [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|do not talk]] about you at all online|[[Jackie e-mails|Every good show needs some foreshadowing]]}}

{{quote|Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever|[[Jackie E-mails 23| Jackie, telling it like it is]]}}

[[Image:JackSweetheart.jpg|thumb|Jackie IRL, note the shirt and bracelet]]
[[Image:ModNation Sweetheart.jpg|thumb|"[[Sweetheart]]" in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', note the shirt and bracelet]]

'''Jacklyn "Jackie" Romy''' is a woman whom [[Chris]] met on [[The Hook Cafe]].

==Jackie's Hook Cafe Profile (Username Luv2Jax)==

===Sexy sweetie looking for love===

I'm a little shy about this, but here goes... I'm looking for a guy between about 26-30 (I like my guys a little older, just call me [[Bob Chandler|old fashioned]] I guess) who is tall, has an [[Chris and health|athletic build, straight teeth, and a good smile.]] I don't really care what you do so long as you're [[monthly tugboat|Chandlerdriven]]; I care more about a [[Chris and fashion|nice sense of style]] and [[Fridays After Five|outgoing personality]]. I want [[Virgin with rage|someone who doesn't need to be with someone but wants to because he knows how amazing it can be!]]

Things I like to do, let's see... I love to go biking, it'd be nice if you did too. I love to play golf as well. I like to go out afer work, [[McDonalds|go to dinner]], [[SpaghettiRoutine|cook dinner]] together (I LOVE to cook), spend the weekend [[Chris and rape|at my family's cabin]], travel, road trip and have [[Hanky-Panky|sex]]. Lots and lots of sex. (not gonna [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]!) Probably during some of the activities I just listed... I want that chemistry that is so strong, just a kiss can lead to wanting to have sex right then and there...
I suppose you want to know a little about me, hm?

I'm 5'3", slender, I don't [[Tobacky|smoke]] (HATE it) but I [[Chris's Big Night Out|drink]] once in a while. I graduated college last year and I work as an [[Chris and English|editor]] for a magazine. I love every day. [[Sonichu's Edge|I run in road races]]. [[Chris and money|Oh, and I shop]]. [[Rosechu|I shop a LOT.]] :) Most importantly, I want that [[Autism|special]] someone I can share my life with and start a family with.

[[Chris and his ego|If you're reading this and you feel like it describes you, I hope you'll email me back!]]

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Woman''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''Friends, Casual Dating, Long-term Relationship''' 
Body Type: '''Slender, Petite, Curvy''' 
Eyes: '''Hazel''' 
Height: '''5' 03"''' 
Hair Type: '''Red''' 
Age: '''22''' 
Seeks: [[Duck|'''Man for Dating, Man for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''College graduate''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''Unitarian''' 
Political Leanings: '''Independent, Kinky''' 
Neighborhood: '''Charlottesville''' 
City: '''Charlottesville''' 
Occupation: '''Magazine Editor''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Sometimes]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-Chu|Car]], Bycicle, Walk''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Nudes|No red meat]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''Reading, Sex, Creating, Working out, [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], Shopping, Biking, Frisbee Golf''' 
Funniest Thing: '''[[Random Access Humor|A monkey on roller skates]]'''

===Deeper===
'''If you could have a dinner party and invite any 4 people, dead or alive, wo'd be coming?'''
Wilt Chamberlain, [[Anne Boleyn|Queen Elizabeth I]], [[Mailbag_1#Chris_the_inventor|Leonardo Da Vinci]] and [[Homo|Liberace]].

'''What's under your bed?''' My old [[PSP|Playstation]]... it's my guilty pleasure!

'''Two books that everybody should read are''' [[Father_Call#Literature_and_health|Of Mice and Men]] and the Great Gatsby.

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''[[Chris and race|big]][[Homos|ot]][[Women's rights|ry]]''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: the brain of a '''[[art|Andy Warhol]]''' and the body of a '''[[Power|Brad Pitt]]'''

People say '''my smile is my best feature'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''... ask me...'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''[[SpaghettiRoutine|good cooking]]''' The quickest way to my [[Hanky-panky|bed]] is '''[[51 50|strong, muscly arms]]'''' And in the morning, I like my eggs cooked '''basted'''

The last concert I attented was '''[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|Crash Test Dummies]]'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Wikipedia:Digimon|Digimon]]'''

'''Dogwood''' is my favorite local festival.

I wouldn't sell '''my body''' for a billion dollars.

'''[[Vanessa Hudgens|Christina Ricci]]''' is the celebrity I've been told I resemble.

'''[[China|P.F. Changs]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
The Corner or '''[[CWCville Shopping Center|Downtown Mall]]'''

'''Blockbuster''' or Sneak Reviews

'''[[Matthew Noble call|Best Buy]]''' or Sidetracks

'''Wireless''' or Landline

'''Aristocrat''' or Grey Goose

[[100 2269|Beatles]] or '''Stones'''

CD or '''MP3'''

'''Carmike''' or Vinegar Hill

Dogs or '''[[Cats]]'''

'''Summer''' or Winter

[[Niggos|Black]] or '''[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Brown]]'''

'''[[Long Island Iced Tea|Bars]]''' or [[14 Branchland Court|Stay Home]]

Kroger or '''Whole Food'''

'''PC''' or Mac

'''Wheel of Fortune''' or Grey's Anatomy

Steak or '''[[Pickles|Salad]]'''

Steak or '''Sushi'''

'''Cavaliers''' or [[Cherokian Clan|Redskins]]

'''Casket''' or Cremation

Fax or '''[[Email]]'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

'''Pumps''' or Flats

'''Beach''' or Mountains

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==First contact==

{{main|Jackie Emails}}

Jackie corresponded with Chris in a series of emails spanning from 5-21 [[April 2010]]. The exchange culminated in a rather disturbing [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|video]] outlining Chris's knowledge of cunnilingus in lurid detail.

==A new dawn?==
In early [[September 2010]] his [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|E-Mail exchange with Clyde and Tito]] suggests the possibility of a new sweetheart, but Chris refuses to reveal her name. Furthermore, he uploaded a ''[[ModNation]]'' character generically named 'Sweetheart', which was discussed to be another [[Chloe]] or [[Wallflower]].

On 13 September 2010 Chris uploaded a [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|video]] officially proclaiming his love to Jackie. Three days later, he produced a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|video]] capitalizing on Jackie's love for Canadian band, Crash Test Dummies, while ''[[Chris and race|in blackface]]''. Chris then spent [[October 2010|October]] [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] as various characters from [[100 2265|The Hamburglar]] to his own [[ECV 00002|Chris-chan]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Sonichu]]. It appears that Jackie is fast on her way to becoming the new [[Ivy]].

==Lars==
'''Lars McNulty''' is Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]], whom Jackie left over his [[PS3#PlayStation Network|ridiculous obsession]] with [[ModNation Racers|model boats]]. Beginning in late [[September 2010]], Chris developed an [[autism|intense fixation]] on Lars and released a number of videos mocking and attacking his erstwhile rival.

Chris's [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|first video addressing Lars]] appeared on 25 September, in which Chris proves who is the bigger and stronger man by smashing a model boat made of [[Lego]]. A [[New Address|second video]] appeared two days later, where Chris gloats over how Lars has lost Jackie, explains how he will fulfill her every desire, and warns Lars not to mess with her — or [[Death threats|Chris will intervene]]. Three days after that, he continued to mock Lars's interest in boats and set to [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|babbling about tape dispensers]]. (An [[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|extended version]] of this third video appeared on 2 October.)

Subsequent videos in the first two weeks of October addressed other subjects, but Chris returned his attention to Lars in a [[100 2281|fourth video]] released in the wee hours of 15 October. There, a drunk Chris sported a [[Wikipedia:Do-rag|do-rag]] and accused Lars of spreading the old rumor that he's a [[homo]].

On 6 November, [[Lars Call|audio]] was released of a call between Lars and Chris.

==Oops, He Did it Again?==
{{quote|We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.|Chris, [[Stare|giving the Creepy Stare]] to his beloved.}}
On 30 [[October 2010]], an [[alcohol|inebriated]]-looking Chris posted a [[ToJackie|video]] in which he pleads Jackie to stay with him. Since there have been no further Jackie-related videos and Chris has decided to [[100 2357.MOV|quit the internet]] '''again''', it is safe to say that they have "split up" since then.

{{Sweethearts}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Romy, Jacklyn}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-12-12T11:21:41Z

Tadahima: /* Outside the comics */ - removed dead link

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the bastard daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]] and [[Wild Sonichu]], with many of the same design elements as the former and NONE of the latter, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she has no other discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

{{quote|"At least I will not have this issue to deal with in my teen years..."|Sandy, sadly mistaken for the years of therapy she'll need}}

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that Wild and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "[[Lie|Evan killed Mommy]]".

Less than a week after her hatching, Wild tricks Sandy into playing with Soft Sand, which causes her evolution into a [[rosechu (species)|rosechu]]. And by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla, she has the intelligence of a fourth-grader. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together. If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and Reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

[[Image:Lisa.jpg|thumb|A super intelligent girl with spiked hair?]]

According to Chris's [[CWCipedia]] ramblings on [[Rosechu (species)#Rosechus and evolution|Rosechu evolution]], a Sandy Rosechu will evolve when it has high happiness and soft sand. Wild gave Sandy soft sand to play with as a Rosey in [[Sonichu 10]], which provides a possible explanation for how she was fully grown within one week. The fact that this means Wild essentially ''forced'' his daughter to grow up in order to fulfill a revenge fantasy is both incredibly disturbing and completely in-line with the rest of the horrifying content present in [[Sonichu 10]].

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|Sandy is pretty awesome, and not Simonla.|Evan's response to Sandy, on his DeviantART account}}

{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing (which, fortunately, was very little).

Nonetheless, despite the negative reception of Simonla, fans seem to have welcomed Sandy Rosechu into the series. Her popularity resulted in [[:Category:Sandy|fan art]] and even her own comic (Capering Berries) within days of her first appearance. This might be because she is one of the only characters with any sort of personality or depth. Of course, since this is something written by Chris, she'll probably follow in her mother's footsteps and devolve into yet another soulless husk who lives only to validate the heterosexuality of some random Sonichu.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will get sent to the [[Moon]], but if she becomes a recurrent character, Chris will find a way to pair her up with a sonee or a [[pedofork|sonichu]]. With Chris's announcement that he will be redrawing the end of Sonichu 10 ''yet again'', her future remains up in the air.

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Jackie E-mails 8

2010-12-10T03:45:53Z

Tadahima: /* Emails */

Chris misinterprets Bob being tired of Chris's shit for preparing a trap for the trolls. Bob's managing Chris's life (what else is new?), and has set an arrangement that could actually bring Chris's spending under control; naturally, Chris hates not being allowed to continue the path that got him into the situation in the first place. Chris has sold a surprising 36 games... and gets $42, deposits $10, and keeps $32 in his pocket (and thus, out of Bob's attention or influence).

Jackie asks again why he involved Rocky and the Church to reduce frivolous, mindless, unthinking and unmanaged theft & spending (''a-thankyew''). Brings back up what Chris tried to ignore and forget: getting off of the Tugboat. Chris ignores and forgets it, is going to buy LBP2:CE because he wants to. Jackie again asks on why he's using Bob, Rocky, and his church pastor Elizabeth as his personal army. Chris answer: there was food, that was more important than answering. Chris uses the church to "solve his personal problems," which suggests either God does not exist, or there's a limit for even Him to perform miracles. Also, Chris is a Dreamwalker.

Chris's excuse for not talking about getting work, getting off welfare, or being of any actual benefit to society or existence is stress, promises to immediately answer those questions.
Next paragraph: Chris tells Jackie he masturbated to her instead of drawing her, plans on essentially raping her. Jackie plays along with talk of [[Masturbating_and_squirtin']] in the men's locker. Chris claims he wants somewhere gender neutral, and immediately suggests he sneak into the ''womens'' locker and rape her there instead.

Chris sounds off like an ad for LBP (confirming how easily influenced he is to even the most basic 'brainwashing' techniques), basically saying it doesn't count as feeding his addiction and debt because it's a very addictive game, add-on costs be damned.

Chris liked Hannibal Holocaust for its rape of women, considers it 'playful', likely formed by his idea of hentai as accurate of actual sexual relationships. Jackie says it's horrible rape, Chris ignores it: Chris bought $12 of Sylvester and Tweety Stamps; that leaves him with $20 in his wallet, and $20 in his bank (it has been 13 days since his statement of keeping $80 in his account all month-- $10 out of the original $80, not counting the little he put in from selling some games).

Jackie echoes older dialogue, to the tune of 'if it was in a videogame, you'd finally put effort into your promises.' The statement still holds true.

===Emails===

{{EmailReply|August 6, 2010 - 11:53am

Thank you, [[Sweetheart]], for your encouragement.

Just to update, my [[father]] has been really on his high horse and not only been loud a lot to me and the other people he has been talking to lately, but also thinking of getting even with the [[trolls]] with a set-up of me to plant the seed of. We're going to close my account at BB&T, and he's going to monitor it and take major control of my finances at Bank of [[America]]. An account for me will be opened there, he'll be holding onto the Debit Card for there, he'll be taking out his monthly amounts and giving me the majority of my funds in Visa Gift Cards. I do not like it, because I am responsible with the Debit Card; I can get the Gift Cards for [[Online]] Use Myself. Lately it's been too much for me.

On another note, actually, I Pawned off 12 NES, 3 SNES, 6 Genesis, 9 Game Boy and 6 PSOne Games for a total of $42 at Snooky's Pawn Shop. I put ten of it in my bank and pocketed the rest. I had a total of 23 PSOne [[games]], but they passed on the latter of them for a scratch or two. And I also tried to pawn my Game Boy Pocket, but they would not take it because it was too old technology. I'm thinking of donating the 17 PSOne games and the Game Boy Pocket to Goodwill, unless I can find someone else who is buying the old stuff.

I did not reply yesterday, because I was [[Stress|feeling down]], and I was going out of the house three times in all, so I took the remaining time for my [[PS3|self recovery]].

The new [[Wal-Mart]] opens on the 16th of this month, and I have not heard anything from them yet; I'll be going down there later today to talk to them. They were looking to hire 400 local people; they may have reached their 400th employee, IDK.

I gtg, but I'll e-mail you later. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 6, 2010 - 4:04pm

Hey Chris!

Don't worry, I figured you were probably dealing with stuff yesterday. I'm glad you wrote today.

I wouldn't hold your dad getting loud with you against him, Chris. I mean, this was a pretty big deal; he had to bail you out of a huge debt you had - about $770, right? That's not pocket change. And this isn't the first time you've goofed like this, you've been telling him that you had learned from your mistakes when you hadn't, so I can understand why he's mad. But you should just tell him that he's right and that you know you messed up, he'll be happier if he knows how sorry you are for violating his trust. Has he said anything about the [[playstation 3]]? I mean, he must know it's the real source of all your spending woes.

But I'm glad you got rid of so many games! Maybe next time you should bring some of your more current games, like for the PS2, PS3, gamecube, [[wii]], and [[Xbox|x-box]]. Those are all still current so I'm sure that they won't get turned away, and you can get a lot more cash for them.

So your dad has some plot to get even with the trolls? You didn't really explain that part, what do you mean exactly? It's good that you're getting another bank account so whoever did this can't track your account again. I think it's kind of a good idea for him to hold on to your debit card and manage your [[money]] for you, because this way you won't be tempted to spend so much money on the [[PSN]]. You know, I looked up that [[Little Big Planet]] game, and that thing is a complete money sink! They designed it just to swallow up your money by charging you for every little character, costume, and level piece you download, I really think you should get a refund on your pre-order for that game; having that game will only tempt you to fall back into your addiction cycle. I mean, how much have you spent in total on the first Little Big PLanet? In fact, would you please tally it up for me, like every DLC item and everything, and send it to me? I'd really be curious, plus I think just tallying it up and writing it down will kind of illustrate it for yourself just how much of a money sink it is.

Now what's the deal with your [[church]] counselors that you mentioned last time? Is your dad working with them to help work out a payment plan so you can repay your dad, or something like that? How often do you see them, every week at church? Will you see them this Sunday? You should talk to them about the subject then, I'm sure they can help you figure out how to pay your dad back. But selling all those games is a great start, I'm sure your dad will be happy when you give him the $32 from your first sale. :)

Ooh, I just thought of something perfect! I bet your church has charity auctions and sales for needy families and stuff like that, right? You should talk to your counselors about donating all those games and systems that the stores won't take! I know it's old stuff, but I'm sure there's tons of less fortunate kids who would love to have games when their families can't afford them! I bet your counselors will be just thrilled when you talk to them about it, let me know how it goes!!

I wouldn't be too discouraged if Wal-Mart hasn't called you back yet, sometimes businesses can get behind in that sort of stuff, just call them up and ask where they are in the process. Have you thought any more about the plan to push for full-time and get yourself off the social security? I think now that this whole series of ugly events has happened, this is a great time to just try to start anew, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and make some positive changes, since things are already changing anyway. In fact, you might want to apply at a few other places around town, just in case the Wal-Mart thing falls through. We're approaching fall and a lot of part-time kids are leaving their jobs and going back to school, so I'm sure there are plenty of businesses that will be looking for replacement workers.

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 8, 2010 - 12:57pm

Things have lightened up a bit, but we're still recovering. My father has not said much about the PSN stuff; he's more in mind of the banking re-situating and such. I am going to continue with the purchase of LittleBiGPlanet 2, and I'll tally up the LBP1 items for you later (I have been hand-writing an inventory of each item, price, size and monetary information since After the first time it was hacked into, including All times before then). Note, I got some of the items for Free, such as the [[Metal Gear Solid]] Level Kit and Costumes; I Earned them from after submitting a level [[PS3 History Level|commemorating the 2nd Year Anniversary of the Playstation 3]] I had created (they gave me a PSN Voucher Code for said DLC).

I do not know what my father will have in mind for a counter-attack against the Trolls, but he is aware of Junior Jenkins, and I am certain he'll cook up something after this bank trial is done. Also, he is not in alliance with Elizabeth and [[Rocky]] currently, but the goal is the same.

I GTG, but I'll TTYL. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 8, 2010 - 4:14pm

Hey Chris. I was wondering what happened, you didn't write yesterday.

I can't wait to see the Little Big Planet tally. I bet it comes out to being a lot of money. But remember Chris, just because you got some of the DLC for free doesn't make it any better - this is about your addiction, ANY amount of stuff you get for it just fuels the addiction. In fact, getting free stuff is worse than paying for stuff, because its only going to lull you into actually paying for more stuff.

I'm disappointed that you're still getting Little Big Planet 2. I've looked into the game, it's basically just a money trap. The whole point of the game is to drop hundreds of dollars on stupid content and costumes for your characters that you don't even need. It's a lot worse than any other typical game, where you just pay for the game once and that's it. I really don't get how you intend to pay for all that DLC while at the same time claiming you've learned from your spending mistakes, but whatever. Like I said, the free DLC is still bad because not only does it draw you to pay for other DLC, but it draws you into buying more DLC. It's not about the money Chris, it's about the fact this stuff dominates your life.

As far as your church counselors, I asked if they and your father are working together to deal with your spending habits, and you kind of ignored my question. Like I said, I really don't get how they can help you deal with the trolls. I thought church was something you used to help you work on YOUR issues, not help you get back at [[internet]] bullies, but whatever. Honestly Chris, these video games are a deathtrap for you but you don't seem to care about getting over them or making improvements to yourself.

As proof you don't care, most of your last email was just a long paragraph bragging about all the DLC you got. And I can point to a number of other emails you've sent me where the longest section was talking about video games. Free stuff is worse because you seem to think it's okay, but it's lulling you into a false sense of security.

You didn't answer my questions about if you have thought more about a full-time job or getting off the social security either; you know I take time to write you every day, I kind of wish you would do the same and respond to my questions. This worries me because it feels just like before, when you started ignoring me and then brushed me off because you didn't like answering me when I was talking to you and trying to get to know you. I can handle getting an answer I don't agree with, you know, but it's disrespectful to pretend you didn't hear the question in the first place.

Sigh... I'm just frustrated. I wish you would put more effort into me, is all.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 9, 2010 - 2:06pm

Jackie, I am putting a lot of effort into our relationship. I seriously had to cut my e-mail short yesterday, because my family and I were going out for [[Country Cookin|an outing]]. Please allow me to resume my e-mail to answer your questions.

Firstly, my father is not currently in alliance with Elizabeth and Rocky over some emotional differences from his point of view. My father does more for helping me quell [[Chris and Money|my spending habits]], Rocky only advises me, and Elizabeth, while supportive as the pastor she is, is out of the loop.

I do go to church to help me resolve some of my own personal issues, as well as space the trolls away from me emotionally. The church has nothing to do with bullying the Trolls back.

As for the LittleBigPlanet Add-On talley, it totals to over $100. I get it. <nowiki><|(</nowiki>

I'm sorry, I am just soooooooooo stressed from the past week, and the fight still marches on until we get this whole financial mess the Trolls started resolved. For Each of Every One of those damn idiots, I Pray that I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], Haunt their Dreams, [[CWC's Message for Ivy|giving them all Nightmares]], EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I loathe them all soo much.

I have not been able to think further about the full time job or getting off the social, because I've been dealing with the above mess.

*Sigh*

Jacklyn, I am not, and I promise never to ever, ignore your questions or concerns. I would have answered them all yesterday, but I had to go out, and I am sorry for not resuming the message after my later return. But I have answered them now.

I do not want there to be anything to ever break us up; I want you and me to be together. You are the sweetest, most understanding and caring woman I have had the blessing to be in a relationship with in my lifetime. I want you with me ASAP and for a very long time after that. I am very fond of you, Sweetheart.

I also thought up a cute idea of how to draw you earlier today; you in a sexy pose. ;) You get me turned on; I [[Masturbation|rubbed one out]] shortly after that image, as well as another idea. Me coming up from behind you, kissing you, taking your pants off then mine, you lean against a wall, and I move your panties to one side of your pussy, then putting my dick in you. Feel free to pick any scene; [[Chris's kitchen|kitchen]], [[Chris's room|bedroom]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public restroom]], [[Manchester High School|locker room]], [[CWCville|etc]]. Does the idea of [[Bob Walks In|getting caught]] turn you on?

But enough of the fun for now. Where are you now? I still count the days until the 18th. Let's set the meet definitely for the 20th at the Starbucks near the [[China]] King Buffet at 1:00 PM. I promise you we will share a good day together.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 9, 2010 - 3:13pm

Hey Chris! I'm really sorry about my last email, I was just having a really crummy day and I got short with you. Forgive me? ;)

So, Rocky is your counselor, and Elizabeth is the pastor? Tell me more about Rocky. Do you think she'd like me? I admire her for helping you, I think she and I have that in common. What do you guys do during your meetings? I hope you have fun with her. I used to go to church when I was a kid but I never really got into it, the whole idea of confessions kind of turned me off.

So you tallied up the Little Big Planet purchases? I'm so happy that you get it now, sometimes it's hard to see unless you force yourself to look at the hard facts. Well, I'm glad that you see now how much of a waste that Little Big Planet is. Forgive me for if I sounded rude but I just don't want you falling into that trap again, sweetie. Maybe you could talk to your dad about how you were thinking of purchasing it, I'm sure he'd be happy to know you've re-thought it. It's like I say Chris, right now pretty much every little thing you can do for your dad to get brownie points won't be a waste, so make sure to let him know about your new decision to cancel the purchase. :)

It sucks that the trolls forced you to reveal your money woes to your dad before you were ready to. I'm sorry, I haven't been asking about that lately! Did you ever get those overdraft fees reversed? Or is that still in the works? Although it's good that things are looking up now. I know you weren't happy about the idea of talking to your dad about your card when I first suggested it, but it's good that you finally manned up to your mistakes. I know it sucks but it's really the right situation, you're an addict and you need help to deal with your situation. Like I said, you should really look at this not as a disaster, but as an opportunity for positive change. Hating the trolls won't fix what you've done - self-improvement begins with you. :)

I kind of like your sexy idea ;) I was thinking of something in particular: You know you described your fantasy about having sex in the pool in the guys' locker room? I'd love to make it a reality. Can you show me a preview by drawing us together in a pool? We would just be tearing at each other; but then we get caught! A bunch of guys come in surrounding the pool and just stare at us, but we're so enamored with each other, making such passionate love, that we just don't care and we keep going! And then all the guys get turned on by watching us, and they start jacking themselves off into the pool... circle-jerking is such a huge fantasy of mine! Do you think you could draw something like that for me?

Oh Chris, I'm so hot right now, I feel like I could squirt... I look forward to hearing from you,

XOXOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 11, 2010 - 4:33pm

WOW! You are a wild woman. ;) I will consider drawing that scenario as a second drawing. But when talking of locations with gender differences, let's keep it neutral in fantasy discussion. For example, I could be finding you alone in a women's locker room and doing you there. And I am sure there would be women along with the men awing us around the pool. [[RomanticLabyrinth|I would really like to make the pool sex a reality]] between you and me too, but we'll wait until after we're together and we can scout around and plan it out. ;)

Anyway, the other topics of your last e-mail. Rocky is a kind and understanding woman in her 40s (I think). During our meetings, we usually just hang, talk and listen. She offers me reasonable solutions or advice when applicable to my situations in life. She also has a good family who she talks with often. Her son works with RockStar Video Games (the company behind such titles as Grand Theft Auto).

I think Rocky and everyone in my congregation would like you too. My church does not have [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|confessions]], but if felt needed, you may confide with Rocky or Elizabeth. The weekly services are [[Church audio|usually very pleasant]]. There are [[Chris and music|good songs]]. The sermons link respectively with the readings from the Bible. And there's fellowship afterwards with refreshments. I invite you to join me one Sunday or more. :)

Aside from the financial traps of the additional costume pieces, LittleBiGPlanet is still a Fun, Great game. It became the Leader in the concept of "Play, Create, Share". And it is fun from the In-Game Story Levels, Custom Level Creations, and All of the Published Levels on the Servers (Including my own; I also have a [[LittleBigPlanet#First_Date_Level|"Fun First Date" Level]] I would be very happy to share with you side-by-side). :) Mainly, the first game is a Platformer, and in the 2nd game they're expanding with MANY Awesome Upgrades of which the viewpoints can be changed, among a LOT of other things. LBP 2 is going to be more than Play, Create, Share Platformer (and tweaked levels to look like other games), but Play, Create, Share ALL GAME FORMATS. "LittleBiGPlanet; it is a Planet that is Little, it is a Planet that is Big. LittleBiGPlanet." A motto for the game I made up. I'm just saying don't knock it for the pricey, Optional add-ons alone; play the game for yourself.

I intend to boycott future LBP Add-On Purchases, but as a fan, I am still going to get LBP 2. Give me credit for Selling over 50 of my old games. You can still remain proud of me, Sweetheart. ;)

All of the bank issues are still in the works; I am uncertain of when it will all be resolved for now, but hopefully it will be before the end of this month. And you are right of it being an opportunity for self-improvement from the whole ordeal. My family and I still have our angst against the trolls; they will be dealt with eventually.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweetest, Sweetheart. :-* 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{EmailReply|August 13, 2010 - 3:00pm

I haven't received an e-mail from you for a short while. Are you closing in on Sweet Home [[Virginia]]? :)

As for me, it's currently good and same-ol, same-ol. The banks and the credit card are still in limbo with the pending fees and such. My [[mom]] and dad are doing okay.

I watched "Cannibal Holocaust" the other day. It was okay, but seeing the tearing apart of a monkey's skull, a whole big [[Yawning Squirtle|turtle]] and even seeing that dude's [[dick]] get cut off bothered me. But it's Hollywood magic; [[Sex dolls|fake dummies]], motorized limbs, prop guts and all, so I get over the feeling with that perspective. I liked the part where the professor lured out the women of the tribe to [[Rape|play with him]] in the water. And I see the whole [[parody]] and [[humor|comical portions]] of the movie.

Speaking of favorite movie parts, from "Pink Flamingos", I enjoyed the part where they held the "Kangaroo Trial" at the site of their burned down trailer. Especially the Court Stand they had there; the Trailer burned down. Where did they get it from? Did they swipe it on the way back to the Trailer or what? LOL

So, where are you now? Are you still safe and sweet? What's the good word with you, Sweetheart? I still look forward to our meeting on the 20th at the Starbucks at 1:00.

Lots of Love for you. ;)

Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 13, 2010 - 7:55pm

Hey Chris. Sorry I haven't written in a bit, been a bit busy.

Well actually, that scene with the professor taking the women into the water was a pretty disturbing and violent rape scene. I don't get why that was your favorite part? Also, all the animals that were killed in that movie were actually killed, there was no hollywood magic about it. The makers of the movie got sued by PETA over animal cruelty violations.

So how are your parents? How have they been feeling in the wake of all this stuff? And hey, how are your drawings of me coming?

Sorry I don't have much time to talk, but things are just really busy and crazy for me right now. I'll try to write more a little later, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Arghh, all these distractions...

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 15, 2010 - 5:28pm

Post-Financial Traumas, my parents are recovering okay. My father got to have some fun of his own with mom (and me today) when they went to a Stamp Convention in Richmond Friday (just got back from a return trip with me invited for today). My father is a good stamp collector; he has a grand collection (Not as GRAND as his Record Collection, LOL. But I guess he would have enough postage to send his records anywhere He goes). He found some fun rare vintage stamps that he got a kick out of seeing on display. I found a fun little souvenir there for myself; I spent 4 bucks on a set of the 10 Sylvester and Tweety Stamps from 1997, plus 2 more of the bigger portion with one stamp each. First time I laid eyes on the familiar image from seeing it on Television and Post Office way back then, I knew I had to have that. These are self-adhesive stamps, F.Y.I. Anyway, I'm a bit worn from the driving and walking with dad today. I will have your drawing for you tomorrow.

I am very happy to hear from you again, and I understand how busy you are on your final days of your U.S.A. trip. I look forward greatly to Friday when we meet. Let me hear the details from you in your reply of Where and What Time we're planning to meet on Friday for good confirmation. :) F.Y.I., I tend to be about a quarter hour or less early, so I pray you'll be early or on-time. I Truly want you and me to Hook Up and take our Relationship further.

Also, another note, it is confirmed that I will have a minimum $20 in my wallet for Friday, and another 20 in my bank account that I'd use ONLY if Needed after what comes out of my wallet. I promise you that we will still have a good time together; any suggestions you have for our day/night together during the time will be accepted and applied for reply and to Do.

I'll TTYL. 
Stay Safe and Sweet, Sweetheart. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 16, 2010 - 6:22pm

Hey Chris! Sorry again I've been so busy and not written much, you know how it is.

Well, as for the date when we have it, hmm, I'll have to think about where we can go. I like to keep first dates kind of low key and informal, just kind of go with the flow, but we can talk more about it.

I'm looking forward to our date, too! :) So I was wondering if maybe you could get that drawing to me soon? I'm really looking forward to seeing how sexy you can make it for me, just like I described ;) I'd really love to have your drawing before we meet so I can have something to enjoy as a preview... Tomorrow I'm going to have the hotel room mostly to myself, and if I have your picture I can enjoy it in more ways than one, if you know what I mean... ;) Get it to me by 9pm your time tomorrow so I can take full advantage of it!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 16, 2010 - 6:43pm

I hear you clearest; I'd like it low key and informal too, and seeing as we go with the flow is good. I can do it sexier, but here's the start for you. ;) You're making me hard with what you said about what you may do in the hotel room.

I'll say it one more time to make sure we got our starting location in place. The Starbuck, next door to the Radio Shack, in the same shopping center area as the China King Buffet, across the street from [[Fashion Square Mall]], on Siminole Trail in [[Charlottesville]], VA. :)

And, also, please give me a call on my cell 434-760-0848Thursday at about 7:00 PM to final-confirm our date.

Stay Safe and Sweet, 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 16, 2010 - 7:30pm

Ooh, That's a sweet picture!! You make me look so sweet! But I can't wait to have the real picture of the little "pool party" I talked about. I'm getting excited just thinking of how you'll do it! Remember to get it to me by the time I said, Sweetie!!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 17, 2010 - 5:00pm

I'm happy you liked my rendition of you. I'll have the drawing of the "Pool Party" by Friday; I'll hand you the original drawing in my [[car]].

I've recently drew up my own rorschach drawing; I took pen in hand on blank paper, closed my eyes, and drew freely. It's very good in seeing what's in the subconsious. Especially when seeing it from all four rotations. Right-side-up, I saw a sexy woman (probably you). ;)

But in the other three rotations, I saw some nightmarish items, including a snapping turtle head, leering eyes, a human foot and even a hooded stranger. They're either from me recently watching the "Cannibal Holocaust", or my head is [[stress]]ed. I'm attaching the drawing; you print and tell me what you see in all four rotations; what I saw I wrote respective in that side up.

I am soooo happy to be meeting you very soon; I need a sweet, beautiful woman like you to help me feel more relaxed and at peace. :)

Thank God also that the bank issues will be resolved and completely straightened out about this or next week.

Please sooth my head for me, Sweetheart.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{Email|August 17, 2010 - 7:18pm

Chris, what do you mean Friday? I wanted that drawing today! Couldn't you have made it for me?

Chris, I'm feeling a little stressed myself. I was really hoping you could do this for me as I asked. It took you weeks to get me just an ordinary drawing after I asked, and now you won't give me the sexy drawing like I needed? How am I supposed to have "fun" (wink wink) by myself without it? I have a feeling if I had asked for a [[ModNation Racers|modnation racer]] level instead of a drawing, you would have gotten that to me quickly enough.

You know, something actually came up on my trip that I was going to turn down, but now I'm kind of having second thoughts about meeting so soon... Here's the short of it: A friend of mine is in engineering school in Indiana. She was supposed to come drive out to visit us this week in Virginia but her car is completely dead, I don't know the story but apparently it's going to cost more to fix than the thing is worth and she can't really afford a plane ticket right now, and her parents can't get her one either. She was going to just stay in Indiana but after a long talk we all decided we are going to go see her there, since it's been almost two years since we've seen her and I barely get a chance to even talk to her much these days. We're going to stay in Indiana with her for a few days, then come home probably through Kentucky and West Virginia.

I was looking forward to just driving straight home to Virginia and finally meeting you, but I'm just kind of disappointed and hurt that you have been dragging your feet on getting me a simple drawing. I wanted so badly to see some sign that you do care about this as much as I have but maybe you aren't as into meeting me as I thought. I know you were looking forward to seeing me this week, I was too. But I think we can stand a couple more weeks to meet, maybe that will give us both time to think more about this. I'd really feel a lot more confortable meeting you after I've seen you put some effort into us.

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{Email|August 17, 2010 - 7:32pm

By the way, what you drew isn't actually a rorschach image. Rorschachs are supposed to be inkblot-style pieces, the purpose is for the person presenting them to determine what the first thought or idea is the viewer comes up with upon viewing the rorschach. I attached some examples for you to see. Tell me what you see when you look at them, I'm curious to know!

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|August 19, 2010 - 4:36pm

Well, I did not say that it was really Rorschach, but rorschach-like; I did not know what the actual term for a hand-drawn, eye-free drawing was. In the images you sent me, I saw, respectively from top to bottom, a blooming tulip and two horse heads; the human lungs, kidneys and back and pelvic bones; fighter jet plane.

I've been finally settling up the bank issues this week; I have the drawing of our pool party; I had not colored it in yet. I was going to send it to you later tonight after coloring it in today. I had just gotten back home from after making 40 bucks from selling more NES and SNES games, and my SNES console, Super Scope 6 gun and the SNES Mouse; I donated blood and played in a [[Guitar Hero]] Tournament sponsored by VA Blood Services, and I was about to go look through this week's "Hook" for events, and go onto moviefone.com to look up local showings of "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World". I was all set for our date tomorrow.

But I understand the situation with your friend in Indiana, and I am sorry for her not being able to come to you. As much as it pains me to wait longer, I'll wait two more weeks for you. Do not question our relationship, Jacklyn; I Fond for you, and I Long for you. I want you and me to be together for a very long time.

I'll e-mail you the colored drawing later tonight.

Stay Safe and Sweet. 
XOXOXOXOXO <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Christian.}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Lars Call

2010-12-08T02:27:09Z

Tadahima: /* Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08) */

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote|I want [[Jackie]] and I want to be able to keep my [[video games]].|[[Chris]], torn between two loves}}

The '''Lars Call''' was a ninety-minute phone conversation on 6 [[November 2010]] where Chris talked with [[Jackie]]'s [[black]] ex-boyfriend [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris got comfortable with [[Wikipedia:Ebonics|Ebonics]], and hilarity ensues. Near the end of the call, Lars mentions he's going to have [[sex]] with Jackie, and Chris completely misses what he just said as he hangs up the phone, once again proving how dense Chris really is.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion, thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|Down Syndrome]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say "nigga" out of context.
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]]; Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving]] he did.
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent nine months as a volunteer at a hospital, enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about trolls.
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[100_2278|strong]] and would kick their ass (only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit courtesy of [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]].
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]], he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 10; he was scared.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [''In shrill, forced enthusiasm''] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ... Oh ... Jackie ... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- Yeah. Oh, uhhh. Yep. What's a ... What's ... a ... [''sounds of frantic typing''] what's ... a what's ... uh, your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!
 '''Chris:''' ... hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright, nigga. Shit. Yo, I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all pro'lly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: "Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit." So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ... Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pull a lot of bashin' (?) and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any nasty habits and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model [[Wikipedia:Planes, Trains and Automobiles|planes, and trains, and automobiles]] maybe? Anything that be weighing you down, and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have [[CWCville|a whole city]] made out of [[Lego]]s that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of Legos and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. Jackson and a Hamilton and shit, goin' to [[Wikipedia:Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits|Popeyes Chicken]] with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeyes and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Manchester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of [[gal-pals|friends]] back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave [[Chesterfield County]] where I was going to [[high school]] and move back [[Ruckersville]]. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through seventh grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "[[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]]" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my [[autism]] and considerable [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-mindedness]], that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on [[Wikipedia]].
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that [[Wikipedia:Down syndrome|Down syndrome]] and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down syssdrome, it's way different from Down syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that [[Asperger's]] and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Asperger's, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Aspergers and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ [[Wikipedia:House slave|house nigga]]. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. [[Barb|My-my mom]]-it happens between my mom and [[Bob|dad]]. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m [[Niggos|a black man]], so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and [[Jackie]]. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain’t [[Wikipedia:Cornbread|cornbread]].
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y’all know why Jackie wasn’t happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my computer went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, [[AIM]] and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to YouTube for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y’all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about [[Book10Replacement|that fuckin’ comic video]]. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to YouTube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, trollin' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a Internet bullies, and cyberbullies. [[Trolls]].
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' (interjecting) They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a Internet celebr- Internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of [[Sonichu (comic)|my comic]], in my comics and whatnot. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn [[CWCki]] and uh, damn [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a [[homos]]exual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like a- [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like, nigga, you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause "gay" be like your word. Just like "nigga" be like my word, an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Called him, uh, [[Sonichu]]. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with his girlfriend and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have children.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like Archie comics and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be gay an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no --
 '''Lars:''' Archie Bunker with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his jughead remarks, shit. Fuckin Archie. That be like what your comic is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the trolls, the typos, and then they weighed me, they weighed me down. And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some--
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some naked things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like....Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho...shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y, y, you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir, you can't exactly rush inspiration, for...uh...for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his parody against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and...(sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a--she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a...in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause.)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh--I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that--I was definitely going to do that, even though--
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no...no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that,, I told her i would, that i would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that i was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I [???] was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Liar on a mission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''Pussy.''
 '''Chris:''' How often--
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a virgin.
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see-- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight-- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that-- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh-- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory-- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No-- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain-- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that casserole! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' Hold-- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not-- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told-- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I-- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said-- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not--
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm-- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh--

===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in 48 hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch lip service and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much-- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like--
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like-- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like Lent and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all Hallmark greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no Death Star. Ain't no Empire gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, Darth Vader and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. Lando Calrissian, fuckin' Uncle Tom and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all dwarf planet and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's dick an' shit? Heard that shit back in 2006. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of Pluto, the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in Space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up the Moon? Y'all be givin' up Ceres and shit? Fuckin' [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moons_of_Pluto Nix and Hydra], goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and Proxima Centauri and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time-- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That PS Triple an' shit? Damn. Shit be like 800 dollars and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stressful Pause)'' No, I have not, no-- I have not sold my... Playstation 3. And it ha-- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think Pluto gonna turn into a black hole 'cause it pissed off about bein' a dwarf planet. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no-- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not-- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- [[Hex Box|You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the Playstation 3 a... "PS Triple".]] [[Chris and Hypocrisy|And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.]]
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'-- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the-- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s-- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some grits on there. Some Starburst. Little grape soda on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... Transformers I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I-- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl-- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how-- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I-- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon-- Upon my Aunt Corrina's grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and my mom and my dad. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any-- I will just not spend any more-- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' --downloading for the P--
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th-- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, Jackie ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been-- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie-- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... CostCo and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch--
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'-- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it-- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly-- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f-- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y-- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You-- You know of iTunes, right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it--
 '''Lars:''' Be more like ''WhiteTunes'', with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or Rhapsody or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all Facebook on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like Space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already-- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to-- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh--
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and share-croppers be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way--
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some-- shi-- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November 2007, smearin' my name in the... ''[Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining]''

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a fake gun. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do 2 and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your Pokemon fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it-- I feel you but--
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokemon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a pedophile.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th-- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of police records on file--
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With this... dude, down over at the Game- Over at the Game and Hobby Place. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Tresspassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past-- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my Sweetheart Search lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a sign, like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18 to current age year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be-- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the-- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and they even dogpile on me one time, rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang-- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on the here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you--
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old Michael Snyder ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my slow-mind wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but--
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you--
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog--
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll niggers who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't-- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which--
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that-- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his--
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be 8 and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some Maury Povich up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str-- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I-- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a tresspassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no tresspassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn-- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including The Jeffersons, and... Bill Cosby, and... Sandford and Son, alla them. All them--
 '''Lars:''' ''"Sandford and Son"''???! Bitch I know you ain't bring up Sanford and Son, fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn Uncle Tom and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey (?) shit, blackface... Bamboozled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I--
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I--
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the H-B-O and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I-- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''Ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that C-Section scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for Alec, and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this great nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no Hippiocratical Oath and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in High School when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "Nigger Jim", that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me 'Nigga Lars' and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me Nigger Jim! Who da fuck this Nigga Jim be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the High School Days, I tell you what, I was naive on the dating subject back in High School, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part Cherokee.
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got-- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them Red Niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Trail of Tears is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over Chris)'' What casino you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack Tribe? Whitejack Tribe? The... Poker Tribe? The Hold'Em Tribe? You from them--
 '''Chris:''' That just--
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi-- I- I ain't no Casino Niggah. I mean, we be--
 '''Lars:''' See--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American History and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the Red Niggas, they be all like, the Casino Niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common Red Nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your Red Niggas, they all be hard-workin' and sober and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at-- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. ''(Long pause)''

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (107:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah my mind be slow and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean-- I spend my mo-- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, pretty much dismantling the previous one I had, and then just running it over with my car, there be videos on the Youtube about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just-- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buy me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was--
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my--
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past-- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? ''(Pause)'' Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el-- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I--
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was-- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my-- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a 29 year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a 29 year-old nigga have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that 29 year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the Popeye's Chicken. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no Dr. Quinn gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all-- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poon tang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the-- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be--
 '''Chris:''' If I-- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I-- I'm scared to go on the internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and-- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk-- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poon tang and shit. What the-- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck-- Bitch, I told you not to go to that Taco Bell and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be-- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like five times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really-- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that Downtism and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it--
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh--
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down Syndrome, ''Autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poon tang and shit, and a meat loaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What-- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a fish fillet tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenan & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what-- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots-- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's-- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's-- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie-- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poon tang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I-- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog-- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now--
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now--
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie-- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in Nigga Culture, "Can't have your grape soda and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like orange soda.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember Kenan & Kel? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I-- I'm talking about the show that was on Nickelodeon.
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them nickel and dime theaters from the 1920's and shit? Fuckin' flappers and shit, women with short hair? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you-- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga-- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
{{stub}}

United States of America

2010-12-07T07:33:20Z

Tadahima: /* Chris for President? */

{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|Chris, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|forgetting the national anthem]].}}
[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|Christian's primary thoughts on the U.S....]]

[[Chris]] is a citizen of the '''United States of America''', a federal democratic republic in North America. The nation is considered the only remaining [[China|superpower]] since the end of the Cold War, and is a leading economic, political and cultural force in the world.

Chris's stance on the nation he lives in is inconsistent at best. While he claims to be a good citizen who loves and respects his country, his [[Twin Falling Towers|actions]] are often [[Chris and Hypocrisy|very obviously]] contrary to these claims.

==Politics==

[[File:Cwcflag1.png|thumb|...Christian's ''other'' thoughts on the U.S...]]

At a glance, Chris's sense of politics seem very inconsistent; on some issues, he takes a very [[Wikipedia:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]] stance, on others a very [[Wikipedia:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] one. While many people have an independent or bipartisan opinion, one has to realize the true nature of Chris's decision-making: that Chris doesn't favor what's good for America, but rather what's good for Chris (and believes that [[Chris and his ego|these two ends are one and the same]]). As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates da [[homos]], and supported [[Barack Obama]] because he saw himself in him, before he accused him of [[Chris and race|selling out the country to brown-skinned people]].{{cite}}

Soon after, he clarified that he [[Mailbag 20#Chris on abortion|supports abortion]], undoubtedly to show his appreciation for [[Women's Rights]]. Another recent political insight is the vague statement [[Mailbag 4|'I agree with gun control']], despite Chris's numerous [[death threats]] and [[Sonichu Special 4|vigilante plans]] that would require a firearm.

Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having extreme or overly partisan political beliefs, he takes this as a general-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the [[Mailbags]], where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues ''every'' voter should have an opinion on, simply because ''he has no opinion.''

Chris doesn't react well in situations where he absolutely has to make a choice ([[Julie Reveals Herself|Julie or PSN? A question for the ages!]]), and seems easily persuaded on matters that he doesn't really have a stake on. As a result, he often comes across as a weathervane, just repeating whatever opinion has most recently lodged itself in his head. His changing opinion about Obama is a good example of this, as he has echoed the sentiments from his father, a documentary, and then from his father again, adopting a positive and negative stance based on what he hears; he never really stops to make a summary and decide what points really matter to ''him''.

==Understanding of government==

Chris's grasp of how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on [[reality]] as a whole, is shaky at best. One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]]. Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns. However, he still thinks of himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays ''sales taxes'' on the massive amount of crap he buys.

{{Quote|My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well.|Chris, [[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever|explaining why he deserves free money]].}}

It's highly unlikely that Chris understands the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him and the amount he gives back via sales tax. Chris also fails to understand that sales taxes are collected by state and local governments, while his welfare check comes from the federal government.

Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is. The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the majority while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation. Chris, however, would like it to become a force for social engineering that would make the most rabid totalitarian shudder. When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out [[Homos|certain minorities]] and force individuals into relationships whether they want to be in one or not.

{{Quote|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.|Chris [[Common Questions#28 December 2009|on effective leadership]].}}

The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it, does not factor into Chris's thinking. By his logic, since he wants a girlfriend, ''everybody'' must want a girlfriend, and if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.

Over the years, Chris has proposed a large number of laws, even sending letters to President [[Barack Obama]] demanding legislation against [[trolls]] and [[homos]]. This is completely useless for two reasons: one, the President of the United States has much more pressing concerns than making an insane manchild in Ruckersville, VA, happy, and two, the US President ''can't make laws''. (Separation of powers and checks and balances in government are concepts Chris has no time for — [[CWCville]], after all, is a hereditary dictatorship.)

Oddly, the closest analog for how Chris views his government is how Chris views his [[religion]]. He treats both the US government and God as things that can be completely ignored unless he has a personal problem, at which point they should immediately step in and help. He believes that both have a deeply vested interest in himself, often at the expense of everybody else. God should damn [[Clyde Cash]], and the FBI should arrest him. It doesn't matter that Clyde hasn't done anything the FBI would be terribly interested in; Chris is mad at him, and that's all that matters.

== Chris on patriotism ==

As established, Chris has a very [[naïve]] view of American politics, and how the federal government operates. Despite these setbacks, Chris has developed a unique brand of patriotism his brings up quite often, usually either in defense of his character or dehumanization of his [[Trolls|enemies]]. As a result, these stabs at jingoism often feel forced or out of place. Chris has utilized this tactic in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], with the iconic "Clarksville Address":

{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring [[Sweetheart]] and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 8|delivering the Clarksville Address]]}}

[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|Chris bastardizing the American flag with his favorite shirt]]

Here, we can see the prime factor in Chris's logic. Namely, that [[Song of Christian|his problems are analogous with the problems of every American]]. Therefore, if [[ED]] satirizes him, they insult all US citizens. This would become something of a recurring theme, with a later [[Do Not Dis C Ville|video]] claiming that any attack on Chris or [[CWCville|his fictional utopia]] was equivalent to mocking any 'C-ville' in America. On a shallower level, it's an obvious ploy for sympathy, a facade of reasonable nationalism that aims to make him the 'good guy', and by extension, [[Jason]] the 'bad guy'. Thus, patriotic symbolism is thrown in, without really even considering whether or not it makes sense in context. Chris is patriotic simply because he believes that's what will win him [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and reprieve.

His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" end up having the ''opposite'' effect.

However, his bumbling enthusiasm isn't reserved for the USA alone. Like many Americans, Chris has developed a fake lineage of European ancestry, starting from [[Anne Boleyn]], a Queen of England who was executed in 1536. This was almost instantly proven false when her ultimate descendant Queen Elizabeth I, who died in 1603 childless. Then Chris tried in vain to co-opt British, Scottish, and Irish national sentiment in his [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|kilt-clad tirade against Surfshack Tito]] as a means of intimidation. Also, while not a standard country per se, he also evoked his relation to the Cherokee Nation in his infamous [[War Paint Video|armed declaration of war against the trolls]]. Finally, Chris attempts to use the fact that February 24 is Mexico's Flag Day to justify [[Christian Love Day|turning his own birthday into a holiday]], an ''American'' holiday. Note that all of these cases, Chris's total ignorance of other nations means he [[fail]]s spectacularly at representing them and appearing patriotic.
{{-}}

==Chris for President?==
[[File:CWCVilleTrueFlag.png|thumb|...and, what Chris's thoughts on America equate to!]]

In a [[A Public Announcement for Congress|more recent video]], Chris outlined his actions for what he would do if elected president. He declared he would [[Chris and money|cut taxes in half, build "soup hotels", give senior citizens increased funds for medications and special services]], restrict guns to law enforcement personnel only, [[homos|allow gay marriage]], and [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|form a special police force that focuses entirely on capturing internet trolls.]]

Aside from his failure to deliver a good speech, this video also showcases his complete and utter ignorance of how government and taxes work. [[Mailbag 18|Building luxury hotels for the homeless]] and increasing social security for [[Bob|senior citizens]] would cost a fortune to do, yet he also proposes cutting taxes in half, thus also reducing the amount of money the government can spend in half. Given that Chris probably has [[Honor Roll|no knowledge of economics]], he probably just assumes that money can be printed endlessly without fear of inflation (Of course, that's assuming he put any thought at all into his policies).

Chris's restrictions of guns to professionals only is a blatant violation of the 2nd amendment, which allows American citizens to own a gun for protection. While there are certain restrictions on who can own a gun and what type, a flat-out ban on weapons for everyone would no doubt be found unconstitutional. Then again, Chris isn't exactly big on [[Homos|respecting]] [[Alec Benson Leary|the]] [[Megan|rights]] [[Mailbag 31|of]] [[Niggos|others.]]

His departure from his previous stance on gay marriage is surprising ,but then again, he was influenced by a [[Jackie|certain someone]] when he made the video. Despite his decree of equal rights, he does finish up his point by imploring gays to [[Sex tape|"keep it to yourselves in your room, just don't force it upon everybody"]]. Meanwhile, straight couples can flaunt their heterosexuality to their heart's delight.

While taxes, government spending, gay marriage and gun control are all big issues, Chris finishes up his video by proposing his most important change: the establishment of a special "trollbusters" unit of [[Chris and the law|law enforcement]], apparently dedicated to finding trolls who make fun of people online, and incarcerating them. While a cybercrimes unit already exists for the FBI, they spend their time pursuing real criminals like pedophiles and scam artists, not people who make fun of [[Chris|retarded inbred cry-babies]].

The fact that Chris has complained to law enforcement previously, but not seen them do anything about it, leads Chris to believe that it must not exist; [[ego|otherwise they would be spending all their resources tracking down the people who make fun of him]]. The fact that Chris is willing to suspend constitutional rights and spend countless millions to incarcerate people that make fun of him is proof that Chris is neither a Republican, Democrat, or moderate; he's more of a fascist.

TL;DR, Chris's ideal America is an America where he is in charge, the Bill of Rights only applies when he feels like it should, and his birthday is a national holiday. In other words, his ideal America is North Korea.

Kim Il-Sung would be proud!

==See also==
*[[American Rabbit]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Jackie E-mails 23

2010-12-03T12:28:24Z

Tadahima: spelling

This page lists emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 22 to 26 [[November 2010]]. Chris stopped responding to Jackie's emails after this.

Chris has apparently crashed into slumber, so Jackie calls down the thunder. A topic-by-topic summary of very good points:
*What the hell kind of girl do you take me for?
*The kind of girl you want will have issues. You don't care about that, so here's the issues she'll have with ''you''. (fat ugly lazy bastard, w/bent duck, w/o money)
*I gave you a chance to try legitimately. FAIL.
*You're a racist, a bigot, and an embarrassment to Christianity.
*You expect and demand everything of others, while giving nothing in return, not even token effort.
*You're naive, and having religion sure as hell isn't gonna help you.
*We can still be friends, and this is honestly better for you, because I won't sugarcoat what you need to hear, and you can trust me (even though you broke my trust by giving Rocky my e-mails to you).
*Speaking of Rocky; you noticed that you have had no improvement with her help? Trying the same thing over and over and it never works implies that she's no help at all.
*Seriously, listen, cuz this is what you really need to hear.

I don't even have to scroll down and read his response, for fuck's sake. You know this is coming. Hopefully, this is the last time I have to type it: Chris ignores it.

Yep. Also, Chris claims his duck is no longer bent, and got bigger. And he's not fat. And she's wrong for saying those things. More transgender urges: he compares his feelings to Jackie's description of a ''female'': superficial, shallow, prima donna, (wannabe) slut as 'spelled out' precisely.

In response, Jackie writes and spells out the I-Just-Came-Down-The-Fucking-Mountain Truth of the motivation and pathos of every Troll, White Knight, family member, Netizen/Youtuber, /b/tard, and incidental victim/participant of the Chris-Chan Saga for the past several years. And happy Thanksgiving, motherfucker!

Chris refutes it on the grounds his feelings are hurt (Jackie just having pointed out why his opinion is part of the problem), denies his problem like a coke addict (which, in a manner of speaking, he is), accuses the "Damn Digital Communicatve Age" of becoming "Autistic-Like" and unsympathetic (i.e. calling Jackie autistic-like and unsympathetic). Jackie repeats that he does that with his problems, and his hypocrisy. Makes a note to say his 'My way or highway' attitude is self-defeating, since said highway is a fully-paved 8-lane Frogger-like [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autobahn#Germany_4 Autobahn] barrier keeping Chris in Virgin-ia.

List of promises and intents addressed, and ultimately forgotten by Chris throughout the e-mails:
*Getting off welfare
*Getting a job
*Completing comic pages legitimately
*Getting in shape
*Eating healthy
*Completing porn images, gift images legitimately
*Addressing his PS3 addiction
*Reducing his number of games
*'Getting over Graduon'
*Being <s>good</s> <s>decent</s> <s>passable</s> (as) a <s>Christian</s> <s>Netizen</s> <s>civilian</s> <s>person</s> <s>human</s> <s>mammal</s> <s>organism</s> thing with some <s>redeeming</s> quality.
*Chris ignoring it.

{{Email|November 22, 2010 - 5:13pm

Hey Chris, I haven't heard back from you recently. I thought maybe you were confused about something I said. Let me reiterate some of my points for you so that you can better understand (reread this several times if you need to, I had a lot of ground to cover and it got pretty long by the time I was done writing it):

A self-respecting girl would not want a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy. No girl who knows her own value has any reason to want that sort of repugnant relationship. A self-respecting girl wants a real relationship with a guy. But that alone isn't what made your words to me insulting. What made what you said to me insulting was that we had spent months trying to build the basis of a relationship, but you just stomped all over it the whole time and acted like you didn't even want to be part of it. But you lied to me for months and told me you did want to be part of it. You eventually owned up and admitted your desire to be with me was a lie, but then you thought I would have some compelling reason to actually want to sleep with you after all that you had done to me. You basically told me "hey Jackie, I don't really feel like putting out the effort to make you happy anymore, but I still want you to come give me free sex". Not a good way to make a girl feel special, Chris.

All that notwithstanding, I'm not holding a grudge against you. I want to be your friend, so I'm going to be helpful and lay out the facts for you so you know what you're working with. there are some girls who are perfectly willing to have a casual sex-based relationship with no strings attached. However, these girls always possess the same two qualities:

1) They usually have some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering. But you probably wouldn't care about any of that, since all you want to do is fuck them and then ignore them.

2) The thing that I bet you WILL care about is that those women only care about the shallowest aspects of men. By that I mean that they want guys who are good-looking, muscular, manly, and have big dicks. You do not fit any of those criteria, Chris. You are significantly overweight and flabby, you have virtually no muscle, your skin is pasty and your forehead is covered in acne scarring that is the most readily visible thing about you even in a low-light, low-resolution picture or video. Your hair is thinning and looks stringy and greasy all the time because you don't take care of it, your body isn't getting the nutrients it needs to maintain it, and you probably don't wash it all that much. When you dressed up as Chris-Chan Sonichu, your distended gut was hanging so low it completely covered your belt buckle and much of the front of your pants, it reminded me of when Peter Griffin is naked and they don't have to blur his genitals because his giant gut covers them completely. All of those are things that you could take care of if you actually tried, but you just stuff yourself with fast food, soft drinks, and Hungry Man dinners all day and night and make no effort to exercise or keep in shape, which is why you can't do a single pull-up and your body is falling apart before you've even turned 30.

Also, your penis is rather small and bent at an awkward angle, girls who want an FWB arrangement just want the biggest, straightest dicks they can find. And trust me, they don't have trouble finding them. For every one of a guy like you, there are five or ten guys who actually take care of themselves physically that these girls can choose from instead. Oh, the other thing is that those girls will often forgive a less-than-attractive physique if the guy in question has a lot of money to spend on them. But having never tried to pursue an actual career (or earn money with your comics, which you have claimed many times you always wanted to do) means you have no money, either. So basically, you have nothing that an FWB-type of girl would want.

Now, if you want a girl who would look past all of the superficial stuff, you'd need to find a girl who wanted an honest relationship - a girl like me ;) Now, as I'm sure is obvious, I looked past your physical appearance, lack of money, and so on because I wanted to see what your personality is like. A lot of good girls will go for a guy who has a great personality, because that's probably the most important quality a person can possess. Now, consider that I gave you a lot of chances to show me what kind of personality you have.

In all our time communicating with each other, you showed that you are incredibly petty and vindictive. You showed that you care nothing for other peoples' property or livelihood, as evidenced by the ridiculous grudge you still possess against Michael Snyder. You went into the store he was in charge of running, you hogged his TV to play your own games, even though he never owed you that, and then when he tried to assert his dominance over the business HE runs, you scrawled vile graffiti slandering him in his own store, and you refuse to play by the rules and force him to ban you. And YEARS go by and you STILL hold this childish grudge to the point of repeatedly trespassing on the store's property and taking pictures of his children in a threatening manner. You are hateful and judgmental toward entire groups of people you know nothing about. You hate gays for absolutely no reason, you are afraid of black people, you think calling someone a "jew" is an insult, and yet you still get super self-righteous and act all offended whenever you think someone is disrespecting you because they don't like your autism. You are a hypocrite of immense proportions, always holding other people to standards of behavior that you believe you yourself have no obligation to follow. You criticize other people for social networking, saying "the internet is turning them autistic", even though you sit at home playing your Playstation 3 ALL DAY LONG. You throw words from the Bible at people when they do something that offends you even though you lie, cheat, steal, want premarital sex, threaten bodily harm/murder on others, and a whole host of other activities that God doesn't like. And whenever you are cornered and can't explain away your rampant egotism and hypocrisy, you will just claim that "the trolls" are responsible for all your problems, great and small, and act as though your bad internet experience excuses you from having to take responsibility for anything.

And what's more, you expect others to do everything for you and offer nothing in return. You treat Samantha like she's your personal secretary and like she should do all the hard work to make your life better, and for a while now you've treated me the same way. Whenever either of us offer you an idea of how to deal with some problem of yours, you come up with some rationalization why you are too lazy to do it and beg us to do it for you instead. You'll complain about the same problems over and over but you refuse to consider any solution that is offered to you. You have talked down to me, insulted me, lied to me repeatedly (I know you have lied to Samantha countless times), refused to do something I asked you to do many, many times, yet you still expect me to be some perfect girlfriend who makes you happy all the time. You complained about our IM conversations being stressful and said they "could be construed as arguments", just because I had a different opinion than you on things and wanted you to back up your belief instead of just believing things for no reason. You place your prized video games above all other concerns in your life, you drop the majority of what little money you have every month on video games and then whine about how you don't have the money you would need to accomplish actual goals. You complain about other people being addicted You make excuses that "once we're together, then you will improve yourself", suggesting that you expect me to be a babysitter and give your life direction because you are too lazy to give it direction yourself. If you had been a good person, things might have turned out different between us. But you proved your inside was even uglier than your outside.

The most succinct way to put why you are not currently ready to be with a girl is that you want to be taken seriously as an adult man even though you are a person who sits in your room playing video games all day, leeching money off the government that could be going to people who are homeless and starving and at the same time convincing yourself that God WANTS you to have free money, has no goals, no aspirations, and no direction, who avoids any and all work like the plague, whines about his father telling him to do chores to real adults who have to work 60 hours a week and take care of themselves, all the while growing fatter, balder, greasier, and closer to death off your diet of fast food and Hungry Mans and a total lack of exercise or activity. You need to change all of these things about yourself before a relationship (fwb or not) with any girl is practical.

Well, that was pretty long, I admit, but it's ground that needed to be covered. I feel kind of better now that we're just going to be friends instead of pursuing a relationship - I feel like I can be brutally honest about things that I always felt strongly about, but had to kind of sugercoat because our relationship was something different. Friends can sometimes be honest in ways that romantic partners have difficulty with. (You might be wondering, after I just got done explaining why you are such a bad friend, why I would want to be your friend - and that's a valid point. Well, I want to be your friend because I think it is possible for you to change, become good, and get the things you want, and it's not hurting me to help you to try.)

One more thing: I have to ask you, again, what Rocky has really done for you. Has Rocky helped you get a girlfriend and/or sex partner? No, you're still alone and a virgin. Has she helped you get healthy or develop a means of interacting with adults? No, you still live like a slob and play with toys all day. You are severely depressed because you don't have a social life, but she hasn't helped you with that. All she tells you is that nothing is your fault and that your problems will be solved when the trolls are all gone. Well, when the trolls are all punished, you'll still be a lonely, depressed virgin with no real social life, no job, no hobbies, and nothing significant in his life. Why don't you ask Rocky to help you with your actual personal problems, instead of just blaming the trolls for everything? I'M trying to help you by pointing out things you need to change about yourself. Doesn't Rocky? Or does she just tell you that it's okay to sit on your ass playing video games and doing nothing with your life? I've got news for you, if that's what she's telling you, it's because she believes you're too retarded and stupid to accomplish anything and she's just humoring you.

Anyway, I know this probably sounds all pretty brutal and shocking to you. That's why I want you to save this email and reread it, over and over. Read it again each day, so the shock can fade but my message can sink in. Because you really need this message to sink in, Chris. You need to do something different with your life. If you don't, then the life you have now is all you'll ever have.

Write me back,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 23, 2010 - 6:34pm

Well, I have not replied lately, because I have been emotionally
suffering and lost iin thoughts of my own with my own confusions and
lost paths.

Second, in response to your last message, when you described "such a
woman", you essentially spelled out how I've been eeling for a long
time. I have felt like I was one of them who have "some kind of
psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible
self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love
them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like
that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery
of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering." Congratulations,
you put my situation in life in better words than I could have ever.

And I do not appreciate the hurtful insults I have read after hat
directed towards me. My dick is bigger than previously photographed,
and it is no longer bent. And I am not overweight. Two wrongs do not
make a right, so at this point, I'll leave you to think about how much
more hurt you've made me.}}

{{Email|November 23, 2010 - 7:33pm
Hi Chris.

I have been thinking about the stuff I said to you, and will continue to do so. But I do not feel guilty in the least about it. Everything I told you was the complete and utter truth. And as I explicitly told you, I set out with only that purpose - to make you face the truth. I didn't set out to hurt you. I certainly did not set out to wrong you just because you wronged me out of believing that "two wrongs make a right". And what you call being "hurt", I call being knocked off your high horse and forced to accept some humility, which is something you desperately needed. You have believed for far too long that you deserve to have all your desires handed to you on a silver platter and that you shouldn't have to work to earn any of it. I set out to end that. So if you're expecting me to feel guilty or remorseful over trying to set you right, you're in for a yet another rude awakening, buddy-boy.

You would have a chance at a relationship if you just took care of yourself. You need to start eating healthy, take care of your appearance, build some muscle, and lose a lot of weight. You also need to stop treating girls like they are just living sex toys who exist to validate your manliness. You can't have a relationship the way you are now because you treat everyone around you as tools for your own selfish advancement and you never give a shit about what other people want. And yes, you are overweight. YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT. at 5'10" and 216 lbs, your Body Mass Index is about 31, which classifies you as obese. And even that is probably a pretty low estimate - you weight moderately less than a person as fat as you would normally weigh, because muscle is denser than fat, and you have NO muscle. Look at yourself in the picture I included, really look at it. A nearly 29-year-old man should not have that giant gut hanging over his pants.

Do you know why most people don't like you? Do you know why women don't approach you, and why people don't praise you, and why people on the internet mock you? It's because you are a horrible, selfish, egotistical person. You have NO respect and NO consideration for other people. THAT is why you are alone and unloved. People will give you no compassion because you believe you don't have to show any to other people. It's not because people are "jealous" of you - they know your life sucks, they wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It's not because they're playing "kick the autistic". No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID. People don't like you because you use your autism as a fucking excuse to refuse to do anything and demand that other people fix your problems for you. People don't like you because you want them to treat you like a fucking king at the same time as you treat them like shit. People don't like you because you act as if you are doing everything right and all your problems are someone ELSE'S fault when the truth is that your problems are all YOUR fault.

As I said, not a single thing in my last email was an insult. Not one bit. It was all true. IT IS ALL TRUE. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that I'm not insulting you just because I'm refusing to kiss your ass and make you face the uncomfortable truth about yourself. You know exactly what you have to do to fix your life, Chris. I know you do because Samantha and I (and other people) have told you COUNTLESS TIMES what you need to do to improve your situation. No one else will do it for you. If you don't fix it, no one else ever will.

The way I see it, you have two choices:
1) Put your pride aside, admit you are not special and that you have to follow the same life rules as everyone else, and do the same exact hard work that everyone else needs to do to be happy.
2) Sit on your ass, continue whining that people like me who try to help you are "hurting your feelings", continue to believe that you are a special little snowflake who has endured far worse hardship than anyone else, and spend the rest of your life as a lonely virgin.

I can kind of see now why you love going to Rocky for counseling, and I also understand better what exactly Rocky does to "counsel" you. The answer to both is that she blows smoke up your ass, tells you that none of your problems are your fault, and that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. And you love that, because you want everyone around you to just kiss your ass. Well, the flip side of that is that Rocky thinks your a retard who will never improve or have sex. I'M the one who believes you stand a chance, Chris. I'M the one who is telling you the truth while she lies to you because she thinks you're hopeless. But by all means, if you'd rather never get sex or love or happiness just so that you can continue to pretend that someone else is obligated to fix your life for you, then don't listen to me. Go ahead and close your mind to the truth when someone who actually WANTS to see you be HAPPY tries to tell it to you like it is. I hope you respond to this and keep an open mind, but I can't make you, and if you want to keep living in your own self-imposed hell I won't lose sleep over it.

Jackie}}
{{Email|November 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
Hey Chris! Just wanted to wish you happy turkey day. Are you and your family doing anything special today?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Greeting. It was pleasant.

I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated
sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never
be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse
than they already are. Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital
Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every
day?

I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I
Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but
actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively
Encourage each other.

I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better
improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to
converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in
Real Life or Bust for me.

Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the
DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please.

Take Care and Stay Safe,

One Misunderstood, Lonely, Caring Idiot,

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 7:36pm
And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level
to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me,
"I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.}}

{{Email|November 26, 2010 - 8:24pm
Hey Chris! I'm glad your Thanksgiving went well. Anyway, I have some responses to each of your points, which I will put after each section of your writing.

''"I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are."''

You are egotistical, because not only do you believe yourself to be an ideal partner for any woman in your present state without requiring change, but you also believe it is plausible and practical to remain in your comfort zone for your entire life, to the point that avoiding any kind of discomfort or displeasure is one of your primary life goals. You are most definitely selfish, as evidenced by your unwillingness to budge even the slightest bit when I asked you to step out of said comfort zone and give me something I wanted. You always tried to twist and warp my requests into something else entirely, then you egotistically told me "it's good enough like that", even though I am the one who would determine that, not you. The truths I told you were things you absolutely needed to hear, because you so strongly believed yourself to be a paragon of manhood and you were in such a strong denial that nothing else COULD get through to you. Throwing that bucket of water in your face was on the same principle on which interventions are conducted. I have been nice to you time and again, but you just refuse to listen when advice is given "nicely". Using harsh words was entirely necessary.

''"Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?"''

I have two responses to this: First of all, sympathy has nothing to do with this. I have spent months sympathizing with you on every subject that bothers you, but it has gotten you nowhere. You still sit alone in your room, depressed and resentful toward the rest of the world. You don't listen when people sympathize with you. I chose my words very carefully because I KNEW they would shock you. I KNEW that shocking you was the only thing that might stand a chance of making you realize that you don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting for the world to make itself perfect for you.

Secondly, you complain about not receiving sympathy, but when have you ever offered it? When people sympathize with you, all you end up doing is demanding that they fix your problems for you. You don't sympathize at all with people like me or Samantha when we get frustrated at how you routinely ignore our advice and would rather piss your life away playing video games. Friendship seems to be one-sided affair with you; you expect "sympathy" - which I think you misinterpret to mean "coddling" - but don't return the favor.

Thirdly, stop saying the internet is "making people autistic". That is grade A BULLSHIT. You bitch all the time about how everyone else has friends and relationships and can socialize, and how you are the only person who has your problems socializing; who then are these supposed people who are turning autistic? As I said, my words were deliberately chosen, I didn't "forget" how to "sympathize" with you just because my words came in an email instead of in person. I would have said the same exact thing to you in person. How about you stop playing the fucking PS Triple for 10 hours a day? Because I don't think you have a right to say others are addicted to the internet when you drop nearly every dollar you have buying stupid games on the internet.

''"I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other."''

Fair enough, it's nice to have friends in real life. So how's that working for you? How many people have you met out in the real world? You can't be talking about ME when you mention socializing in real life - we met online, so talking to me in real life would defeat your silly idea that internet socialization is worthless. Who else do you have? Or are you still expecting people to come up to you and do all the work for you? That's another perfect example of your egotism: You expect others to do all the work of creating a relationship with you, but you can't be bothered to put any effort into it yourself. You just say "I don't know what to do or where to go" as an excuse, despite the fact Samantha has given you many, many detailed ideas of how to start.

''"I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me."''

I hope you're aware that "Bust" means "virgin forever". You've spent the past decade of your adult life putting absolutely no effort into anything, including making friends, so I don't see why you would start now. I've been doing nothing but trying to help you, but if you arrogantly think you can afford to just toss me away because I won't bend over backwards for a guy who never put effort into making me happy, then I guess I can't stop you. Hope your pride keeps you warm at night when you don't have any relationships.

''"Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please."''

Wow, thanks. Glad to see how worthless you consider all of your interactions with me. Is that the sort of "sympathy" you were complaining about not receiving?
As I said, you do nothing in real life, you just expect others to take care of you for your entire life. So I don't see how the internet is such an awful thing by comparison.

''"And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me."''

You've just written a large email telling me that you basically want to forget about me because email is inconvenient and because I don't kiss your ass enough. Once again, sterling display of reciprocity you show there, Chris. Everyone is supposed to be nice and sympathetic to you but you don't care what others think or feel or need.

So anyway, if you want to go your whole life without having to face the truth about yourself, that's fine. Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever.

Jackie}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Jackie E-mails 22

2010-12-03T12:25:24Z

Tadahima: Spelling &cetera

This page lists emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 13 to 20 [[November 2010]].

Chris requires sex and hugs to make all the bad troll-given pains go away, and still is haunted by all that Graduon represents (fucking shit, Chris, it was nearly a third of your life ago, ''let it go''). Rocky has been "counseling" Chris on his being a retard, and he has finally begun to realize this; to rationalize it so Chris feels better without achieving anything, and perpetuating the problem (which Jackie points out). Still doesn't grasp the mechanics of copyright, his theft of Simon/Simonla (Jackie points out the hypocrisy of Chris putting a china on a male character, VS pickles on Rosechu). He also thinks all his troll problems will be over forever if he can kill just the head trolls. Jackie presents the "Trollbusters" website, which was thinly veiled enough for Chris to notice (but fails to add 2+2)...

Chris blames Rocky's inability to help him on his life on her age and her functional family. Jackie makes the point that that's irrelevant (as there are many therapists and psychologists of 'advanced' age, ostensibly with families) and the reason lies with Rocky not being a qualified, board-certified psychologist or therapist, but on being, essentially, a snake-oil dealer from/of/for religion. Or the fact that he just sucks. Chris ignores i- fffffuck, I wrote this last god-damned month...

Chris recognises he does not have capacity to have any adult relationships. Jackie confirms this, says how relationships, and the sex it'd provide, is too Big Boys for Chris, so she's OK with ''being'' friend-zoned. His immediate reply: 'Woah, hold the phone, I hate the term "friend zone", and you should still give me sex.' Revealing his true colors on what utility he views her having, Jackie fires the Golden Bullet of calling him a naive retard.

{{EmailReply|November 13, 2010 - 7:49pm
Well, for future references, I will let you know of any applicable
concerns. Mostly, I have been under constant stress from the emotional
and psychological damage the Trolls have done to me over the past 3
years and such. Plus having a dacade pass and not having the Class of
2000 reunion and the regrets of how I acted at the ceremony and not
receiving an encouraging award for my artistic talents are other
factors that weigh me down and lack self-confdence. I mainly won't
feel total peace of mind until All of the Trolls seeing Justice done
unto them for what they have done to me. And often feeling lonely
without someone to make me feel better with in-person consoling and
such. And hugs would make me feel better too.

Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling. I can't
say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head,
aside from the recent thinking of myself as retarded; She offered me a
more gentle way of putting it as being slow in the mental relays of
ideas and thoughts to actions and such.

Mao has Hacked into my websites, including the Cwcipedia, and messed
them up royally. And Evan GAVE me rights to use his Simonchu character
as I saw fit, and later gives false accusatons of Character Theft on
me. He friggin' blackmailed me into killing Simonla and leaving Wild
witout a sweetheart. Those two can not go on forgiven without being
made examples of in their damned deeds before. Alec and Sean shall go
on forgiven, because all they did was draw their own dark-humored pages
and nothing else.

I'll e-mail you later.

Stay Safe,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 13, 2010 - 9:00pm
Hey Chris!

So I'm a bit confused about Rocky. She has helped you think of new ways to... use different words to put yourself down? I don't get it. You are a smart person. Doesn't she tell you so? I don't get why she wouldn't refute your belief that you are retarded, especially given how obvious it is how down and vulnerable you're feeling right now. Has she talked to you about more constructive things, like what you can do to be proactive about the various situations you aren't happy with? Like, for example, your high school reunion. Remember when I suggested you take an active role and pursue setting up the reunion yourself? Or doesn't she help you like that? It just kind of baffles me that she would allow you to keep feeling so bad about yourself and helpless about your situation when she knows how sad it makes you feel. I mean, doesn't she want to help things get better for you?

As for Evan, I think the main problem with Evan was that he was mad you violated his character. I mean, you took his male Simonchu and put a vagina on it. Didn't you always get mad that people drew a penis on your Rosechu? I think he just wanted you to respect the same standard that you demanded of other people. I don't know anything about Mao, I don't really know anything about him, but whatever. I'm glad you're going to give Alec the full honors and forgiveness, though. It'll be good for you to put that anger behind you.

Anyway, I'll talk to you soon.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply| November 14, 2010 - 11:42pm
Well, perhaps I did not make it clear, but Rocky actually tries to make
me feel better about myself, and she does think of me as smart as well.
But, like I said, I don't recall every little etail, but when a better
example is recollected, I will describe it.

Somethng else, I realize that I have listed the Trolls as a major
letdown on myself. And I really want to seize justice unto them all
and take everything there is on the internet about me off of there, so
I can restart on a clean slate. And in the past, I have tried some
things aganst them, only to fail and have them counterattack me with
worse damage. Even stooping to their level as a fake troll has not
worked out for me. When authorities look up the details, I do not want
to be mistaken as one of those Trolls, instead of a victim of all of
the shitthey have done to me. What I would really like to do is locate
the head Trolls in Real Life and personally take them down one by one
myself. But A) I do not know where they each are located. B) Locating
their addresses online is harder than one would think; with their
hacking tricks, their aliases, fake addresses, etc. C) Funds for
traveling outside of state is low for me. I am open for any real life,
offline suggestions towards success. In the meantime, I have been
there, done that as far as I can think of, and I am short on ideas, and
my mind is slow on coming up with anything within the big picture that
would be better han i was able to think of before.

Also, please let me know when you'd like to schedule another
conversaton over telephone. And how about that article in your school
newsletter about me we've talked about before.

I'll e-mail you later.

Stay safe,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 15, 2010 - 9:33pm
Hey Chris!

Well, I'm still a bit confused on how Rocky helps you exactly. It seems like she's just fostering your negative feelings toward yourself. How has she actually helped you deal with any of your problems? I know she's told you to stay away from the trolls online, but it's painfully obvious how the trolls' actions throughout your life have just colored your entire present. You don't want to do do much of anything now because you're still so depressed about all that has happened throughout your life. Rocky tells you to just leave it be and not deal with it, but that's obviously not working for you. Is this how she helps you? By telling you to turn your back on life? I know when someone's advice is basically to do nothing and wait, it's easy to fall into a routine indefinitely, but doing nothing isn't working for you. You say that Rocky makes you feel good, but does she help you to be happy? Are you further along in your life because of her? It doesn't seem so.

And haven't you been trying to get the authorities on the trolls for a long time? I'm not really sure what they can do for you. And besides, you personally are guilty of a lot of the same activities against trolls that you want to accuse them of. you've attempted to get the police involved before, and to no avail. It's been, what, three years? You are obviously not satisfied with your situation, how has waiting changed that? How long has Rocky been talking about getting the "authorities" involved, and still nothing happens? I just don't see what offline methods would even work for you. It kind of sounds like you'd want to go to every troll's door and beat them up or something if you had the financial means to do so, but that would get you in a lot of legal trouble at best. (And besides, remember that you couldn't even do a single pull-up. I think you've got a long way to go physically before you could physically fight someone.)

I did some poking around and found this website called "trollbusters": http://internettrollbusters.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/profile-9-ian-crass-anders/
It looks like a group of people who are in a similar position as you, but they are actually doing something about it. You should join their cause! Your experiences are so unique, I bet you could be their spokesperson. Their needs to be someone who can stand up and lead the charge, not just sit on the sidelines and wait for someone else to take care of the problem. Can that hero be you, Chris? I think it can. I've been telling you for a long time, waiting isn't helping you. When someone is depressed, doing nothing only makes the depression worse, because it allows you to feel helpless. You have to actually take action yourself. Even if someone else solves a problem for you (which isn't happening here), you won't feel any better about yourself, because you'll be just as helpless as soon as the next problem comes around the corner. Join the trollbusters and contribute to the cause, Chris. Don't be a waiter, be a leader.

Anyway, how are my comic pages coming? You must be fairly close to done by now, right? Do you think I can have them by this Friday? I can't wait to see.

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|November 16, 2010 - 4:19pm
To answer your concern about Rocky, I have felt ability to comfortably
move forward after a number of weekly meetings with her. Give her a
break, she s an old woman with a big family. I have looked up those
"Troll Busters" on that website before; I found a link on the Trollin'
Train Forum. I am suspicious about them; I felt and feel a vibe of
Buster-Pretending Trolls trying to lure me into their mental-scarring
trap(s) again. I will have the pages done by Friday, and I will send
you an e-mail with the zoomed-n photograps of each of all of the page
Friday Night. Also, yes, I have gone to the police, along with
Elizabeth and Rocky and my mom and dad, and yes, I have heard very
little of anything they may or may not have done on the case.

I'll TTYL,

Stay Safe,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 16, 2010 - 5:40pm

How have you moved forward? Every time you're asked to do something, you say that you can't because you're depressed because your "adult life sucks". You're always telling me how you can't get up the motivation to work or improve yourself or treat your addictions because you're so depressed over the trolls, even though they haven't done much of anything to you in a long long time. You continue to sit in your room, playing games all day, morbidly depressed because you have no friends and no social life, waiting for someone else to come rescue you from your sucky life so you don't have to do anything.

What does Rocky's family have to do with anything? I'm not attacking her, I'm pointing out how it seems like all she tells you is to do nothing and wait for the world to fix your problems for you, and that's making you miserable because it's not happening. And it's not going to happen. I really don't see why you're so quick to do whatever Rocky says without even thinking twice about it, but when I or anyone else suggests a course of action, you just sigh and come up with some excuse why you can't do it, or you plead for someone else do it for you. Frankly, I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm asking you to do work, and she asks you to do nothing, and wait for other people to solve your problems, and generally be lazy, and guess who you choose to listen to.

I'm sorry if this offends you but I have to be blunt but frankly it makes me tired and angry to see you just wallowing in your own misery and sadness and doing nothing about it.

Jackie

P.S. I know this is a fairly sensitive topic for you, Chris, and I know it probably troubles you for me to talk about it, and I'm sorry for that. But I trust that you won't discuss my words on this subject with Rocky, considering that it would be a conflict of interest for her to offer an opinion on it, and especially considering our recent talk about honesty and handling your problems like an adult. I am really trying here Chris, and I know I'm going deep into a sensitive issue, but I trust you and hope that you trust me and that you wouldn't betray my trust. I do care about you very much and your best interests are in my heart, Chris.}}

{{Email|November 18, 2010 - 4:51pm

Chris, have you been checking your email? I haven't heard from you. What's going on?

Samantha emailed me and said that you've mentioned me to your counselor Rocky recently. Have you communicated to her concerning the misgivings I shared with you about the way she advises you? I really hope you haven't, Chris, because like I said in my last email, that would put me in quite an awkward position with this woman I don't even know and I would feel pretty exposed and betrayed if you did it. I don't like the way she seems to just make you think that you're destined to be depressed and directionless and that you're helpless to change any of it. And obviously if you tell her I said that, she's not going to be able to offer a neutral opinion about it. And I really wouldn't feel comfortable with you sharing our private conversations with her - she's not a therapist, she has no legal obligation to keep secrets, and I don't like the idea of this woman having personal information of mine.

Like I said in my last message, I'm sorry if I struck a nerve, but it just felt like I needed to say something. And now you're making me feel just left hanging because you haven't responded.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 18, 2010 - 10:49pm
Well, firstly, I told Rocky about the good you and I shared in our past
conversations, and I told her of the bad with my own past concerns and
doubts; nothing bad about you.

Second, I've just talked to Samantha about relationships and socializing.
Before tonight, I have had the theory of me just not beng ready for a
relationship with my mental status. Also, all things having been
considered, at this point, I feel this relationship is not so strong,
and I feel I am not mentally ready for a relationship. I need more
socialization practice in real life for starters.

Communicating over the internet is one thing, but starting and
maintaining a relationship over the internet Without havng met in
Person Beforehand, I feel that is just too much for me.

Anyway, it is not you, it is me, and I am sorry.

As for the pages, I do not feel I can really complete drawing and
coloring them without really being able to forgive all four of them,
and as I have told you before, I can only really forgive two of them.
I am sorry for misspeaking and lying before, but I am just not ready to
forgive Mao and Evan, and I do not feel peace of mind or comfort in
finishing the pages.

Plus, sharing my feelings and emotions in person is easier to me than
typing them and sending them via e-mail.

Stay Safe,

Christian W. Chandler.}}

{{Email|November 19, 2010 - 4:27pm

Hey Chris!

You know something? That's all okay. I'm not angry or disappointed or anything. I think I've at least partly known for a long time that you didn't really feel right about everything. It's okay if you aren't ready for a relationship or sex. Not everyone is ready for those things at the same time, and everyone must follow his own individual growth rate. And it wouldn't be right of me to pressure you into an adult situation that you just aren't ready for. So don't feel bad about friend-zoning me, okay? Being friend-zoned isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it's a good thing, because it allows you to see the situation from a new angle and grow. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost, and I respect that.

Well, I'm glad that you feel like you can share your feelings with someone, even if it is Rocky. But I hope you feel like you can share your feelings with me too. I was a bit worried, because the way you brought her up, I thought maybe you shared our emails with her or something, which would be a terrible breach of trust. You didn't do that, right?

Like I said, I don't feel good about this woman, it seems like she just tells you what you want to hear; she gives you a way to rationalize hiding from your problems, rather than helping you find ways to actually improve them. Because I care about you Chris, I do have to ask again, how has your life really improved from following her advice? You are still very obviously depressed and lonely and dissatisfied with the place your life is in. Maybe you should see a therapist instead. I believe psychiatric care is actually free in the state of Virginia, but I don't know for sure, you should look into that. I think someone who has medical knowledge and experience dealing with autism and social disorders and such would be able to help you more than Rocky, who doesn't really seem to be qualified for those things.

Anyway, please write back to me. Even if we aren't pursuing a romantic relationship anymore, I'd still really like to be your friend, and I think you could really use one. Also, Lars really liked you too, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you again.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 20, 2010 - 12:26pm

**Firstly, I had not made Rocky aware of any of your e-mails, but
recently, to inform her of the "Troll Busters" website and make her
aware of you, I forwarded Only this one e-mail from the 15th. I did
not put you in any bad light with her, at least I did not mean to.

Also, I felt uncomfortable reading the term, "Friend Zoning" in your
recent message; I have been Friend Zoned myself a number of times, and
I have watched the movie "Just Friends", so I get irritated upon
hearing or reading the term, regardless of sub-definitions for any
situaton. I mean, I am a dude, and I did and will want the sex, and I
am very mentally ready for sex with being responsible. I'd like to
keep that option open, is what I'm initially saying here.

On another topic, I am going to concentrate on taking the head trolls,
and all of their webstes down, legally, with the help of my church. I
have an idea of where to begin, by looking up an old Pokemon TCG League
member and his friend who turned on me that Friday night when Megan
kissed her Christopher.

I will see justice done unto those bastards yet, to regain te peace of
mind I had before was made aware of that damn E.D. page.

Stay Safe,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 20, 2010 - 2:25pm

Hey Chris. Thanks for writing back.

Firstly, I'm sorry if my use of the term "friend zone" made you uncomfortable, but it is what you did, I'm just calling it like it is. I was pursuing a relationship and you basically said "no thanks, I'd rather just be friends". Like I said, that doesn't bother me, but I don't get why you are uncomfortable by me calling it the proper name. I mean, if you steal a toy from a store, would you feel uncomfortable with being called a thief?

Secondly, I'm kind of insulted that you think that there is an option for sex available here. Why would I have kept trying to get a relationship off the ground if all I wanted from you was a booty call? I'm not that kind of girl Chris, I feel like you don't respect me when you say that. I mean, I've been pretty patient all the while with you, putting up with your constant lies and laziness and whatnot, and you showed you didn't really think enough of me to do anything I wanted. I thought when you admitted you weren't ready for a relationship, you knew sex was off the table, too. I can have sex with Lars if I want, and he gives me the adult interaction too.

Sex and relationships are part of the same package, Chris. If you aren't ready for one, you aren't ready for the other. Just because you're physically capable of sticking your penis in a girl doesn't mean that you have what it takes to give her what SHE needs. The fact that you think you can give up on a relationship and still get a girl to have sex with you, but not have to worry about doing anything for her, is proof that you aren't ready for sex - it's retardedly naïve. Maybe in a few years or so, once you are willing to put aside your own desires and actually think of what the other person wants for once. But for now, I think you should practice abstinence; focus on improving yourself emotionally and on improving your life. Get a job, move out on your own, take on some adult responsibilities. Then, maybe, you'll be ready to start considering sex again. But if you keep going the way you're going, trying to put the cart before the horse and pursuing sex to the detriment of all other goals, you'll just keep shooting yourself in the foot, because you'll be pursuing something you're not in a place to get while ignoring other life goals that desperately need your attention. You're not getting any younger Chris, your 20's are already slipping away.

Speaking of Rocky, it was also wrong of you to forward that email to her without asking me. That was a conversation in which I had every right to expect my privacy to be respected, and you betrayed that. This is another piece of proof that you aren't ready for grown-up things like sex - you need to understand that other people have rights, not just yourself.

Anyway, you've been talking for a long, long, long time about going after the trolls, going after the people from the Game Place, getting your church to be your personal army, etc. You've yet to do anything about it. And you haven't really explained how your life has gotten better from Rocky's advice, either. Have you considered that she just tells you what she knows will make you feel better for the immediate moment, but in exchange she doesn't help you deal with the root of your problems, and that's why you're still every bit as miserable as you have been for years? She doesn't sound like a very good counselor to me. She just feeds these go-nowhere fantasies about righteous revenge that you sit stewing on, and meanwhile you're letting the rest of life pass you by.

Hope to hear back soon,

Jackie}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Jackie E-mails 21

2010-12-03T12:22:49Z

Tadahima: spelling and such

This page lists emails exchanged by Chris and [[Jackie]] from 6 til 12 [[November 2010]].

Chris finds the CWCki pages on Jackie (on the old cogsdev address), Jackie brings up Chris's PStriple addiction/dependancy and pins him on his lying about the parade comics; Chris replies that he needs a lover's love to substitute his love for PS3 ''before'' he could consider getting off of that damn PS3ternet. Ergo: she has to go out of her way for him and mate with him for life before he changes one bit. Also, his constant lying and knee-jerk unthinking actions are mere "character flaws." Finally, he steals lines from Scott Pilgrim, a fictional story in mass media; Chris, however, claims it's from Family Guy, a fictional story in mass media, and thus, completely different.

Chris admits to being a slow-in-the-mind, "with a ''touch'' of ADHD", announces plans to put effort into physically stalking her.

Chris says he did not go to his High School reunion, claiming that the given location was for a "District 10" address , and thus, a troll plot (not recognizing that schools often rent event halls, and public businesses that have the capacity often allow renting, for the purposes of school reunions).

{{EmailReply|November 6, 2010 - 10:27am

Yes, Jackie, I will redraw the pages with a parade for Alec for you,
and I will be sure to color them all pre-recording. But after I do
this for you, I want to be able to at least meet you and date you, no
excuses. I can not really prove myself to you over long distance with
videos and e-mails; I can only really prove myself to you in person,
and you will truly be able to see me in my best when I am with a
wonderful woman like you and only you.

Aside from that, though, I have recently shared some of my other
thoughts with Samantha after that conversation on Thursday. I will forward
you that e-mail, and let you read them for yourself.

I'll check in again later.

I Love You, Jacklyn.

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 6, 2010 - 7:10pm

Hey Chris! Thanks for writing me today. I don't have a whole lot of time to talk right now, but I just wanted to let you know that after you do the comic pages, I'll be happy to meet you!! You know what though? in addition to doing the video, why don't you just send me the pages directly? I'd really appreciate that.

Anyway, gotta go, but keep me posted on when you'll have the comic done. The sooner you have it, the sooner we can meet!!

XOXO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 7, 2010 - 7:55am

Well, Jackie, I would be happy to scan the pages after draw and color
for you, but as I have informed you earlier, my PC is hard to boot up
currently, and it is turned off. I won't be able to scan again until
after I get the new PC tower. The best I can and will do at the moment
is photograph the pages with my digital camera. You will have the
pages as soon as possible; I will let you know upon completion.

Also, the communicaton link to my cell phone worked good Thursday
night, perhaps when we are discussing the meetng details, we can do it
over the phone.

Please tell me what your thoughts were after reading the recent e-mail
I forwarded to you in your reply.

Love,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 7, 2010 - 3:17pm

Hey Chris! I'll write more later and give a more detailed response to the email you sent, sorry I haven't yet, suuuper busy weekend. I have a big project I got slammed with last week. Anyway, the library has scanners too, so when you go to upload the video, you can just scan the pages and email them to me all at once!

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 7, 2010 - 10:18pm

I found these earlier today, and I felt you should know about these
Cwcki pages.

[http://sonichu.com/cwcki/100_2278 http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/100_2278] 
[http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_1 http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_1] 
[http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_3 http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_3] 
[http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Lars_Call http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Lars_Call] 
Plus, look at the top two topics on this Trollin Train page, 
http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewforum.php?f=1 

This is serious. I do not know who got into your computer, but I felt
it my duty to warn you about it. Keep on your toes and Stay Safe.

Love,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 8, 2010 - 10:19pm

Wow, they got ahold of all that stuff? That worries me. I still am swamped at the moment, I wish I had more time to deal with it. Or more time just to talk to you, at any rate.

Hey, didn't you have that high school reunion recently? How was it? Did you enjoy seeing all your old friends? :D

Also, how is the comic going? I can't wait to see you finally find Alec innocent and put that silly grudge stuff behind you.

I'll write more tomorrow :) :)

Jackie}}

{{Email|November 9, 2010 - 1:48pm

Okay Chris, I've got a little more time now finally. I read fully the letter you sent to Samantha and have been considering my response, and can offer a well-thought out one now.

So you mention the "investment" you've made in the PS3. As both Samantha and myself have told you numerous times, all your games are not an investment. They're a liability. This is about more than just money. You spend what little money you have to buy games, then you spend almost all your time playing them instead of doing something constructive with your life. And you just keep buying more, more, more video games. I told you months ago I wanted you to stop, you gave me a little lip service about doing so, but I know you've continued to acquire more PS3 games at the same exact rate you've always done. Your PS3 game acquisition has not slowed down one bit. And your word choice regarding getting rid of it - saying you were "able" to get rid of it once only because of a complex set of circumstances outside your control - only proves my point that you are addicted to that infernal drug. And besides, Lars invested a hell of a lot in his boats, too - but the money was already gone the moment he bought them. He would never get full value back for those things, or even most of it. The point of getting rid of your addiction is not to get your money back. The point of getting rid of your addiction is to get rid of your addiction, period.

Then, there are the lies. You lied to me repeatedly, about cutting back on PS3 games and such, but most recently and memorably about doing the parade comic for me. You lied first when you told me you would do it even though you had no intention of doing so. Then, you lied about THAT - you claimed that I "misunderstood" you, that you had previously stated that you would not do the parade comic, so I should have known you wouldn't do that because you had made it clear. But there's a hole in that story, Chris, a pretty big one: my email where I told you to do the parade comic, and to which you responded with "I'll do all of that for you", was the FIRST mention I EVER made of a parade comic. Prior to that, we had never spoken of the parade - I hadn't even thought of it til I sent that email! So when you said you'd do the parade comic but meant not to, that was a lie, and when you claimed you had previously told me that you wouldn't do the parade comic, you lied AGAIN.

Another concern I have with you is that you seem to be calling yourself "retarded" an awful lot lately. Frankly, I think it's getting to be kind of artificial, as if you want people to have pity for you whenever things don't go your way. It also seems really odd that you call yourself retarded, but by lying to me repeatedly, it seems like you think I'M the one who is retarded. I know you have autism, but I also know that you're not stupid, and I know that you understand what I mean when I tell you to stop lying, and I especially know that you know that it's not really okay to use a "lack of inspiration" as an excuse to not do something when I've already given you the inspiration for it.

It kind of makes me sad that you are willing to just give in and let Lars win. But hey, if you'd rather just be friends, I guess I'll have to accept that and be your friend. On the other hand, if that's not what you want - if you do actually want to be with me - the door is still open. Lars burned his boats for me but that doesn't mean he's not still on probation, you know. He has to go a long way before I can trust him fully again. Lars told me that he admitted to you that he's afraid if you got rid of your PS3, I would dump him in a heartbeat. Well, Chris, his fears are well-founded. If you got rid of that addictive PS-triple, I would be knocking on your door the next day. Because if you take that drug addiction out of the equation, then you still come out ahead of Lars.

Now, as for our private chats being on the cwcki, at the moment I have no idea how that happened. I questioned Lars about it when you first told me, he seemed shocked but I don't think he has anything to do with it. Lars genuinely seems to like you, I don't think he would do that sort of dirty thing to you, and he KNOWS that he has no more breathing room with me, he's staying on the straight and narrow. As for how it was acquired, and by who, I still don't know. I'm doing a virus scan of my computer currently to see if someone put some data collection virus or something on it. I'll let you know more as I learn more.

Well anyway, I'm still looking forward to seeing the new comic pages! Remember that you can just scan them at the library, so you can still send me the pages. When do you think you'll have that done? How many have you completed thus far?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 10, 2010 - 5:26pm

Firstly, the address of the so-called reunion was actually a Region 10
Building. Obviously a troll, long ago, created him/herself a fake
account on the alumni website, and inputed that location. It was
obviously a damned ploy. So, no, I did not go there, because I was too
well-aware of the situation.

Also, I have done some thinking recently, I realized had little
self-respect and confidence, and mentally, I am striking to change
that. Starting with something I feel you needed to hear from me. It
was very nice conversing with you through e-mail and AIM and all that I
have done for you, But I have realized that while I have told you in
full honesty that I love you, at this time and before, I've been in
love with the idea of you. I can not really say, "I feel really good
when I'm around you" unless I have Actually been around you in person
in real life. Which is a legitimate reason why I have been hesistant
on easily getting rid of certain materiial things of great invested
value. Unless I actually feel the feelings I should be feeling in
True, Full, Undoubtful Love to the max, I am going to continue to be
reluctant on such things. Plus have to also look out for number one
here, Me and what makes me me. Why do you think I have been very
insistant on meeting in person? A Pleasant Formality? It is to
Confirm us to each other, so there would be more less distance between
us emotionally and all that.

Anyway, I will draw and color the pages to find Alec not guilty, give
him a parade and all. But I am still in the creating process on how to
draw and write it. And considering my mental relay speed being slow,
it will take a while. And regardless of When the pages will be done,
You should be wantng and insistant on out in-person meeting if you have
been and are in full support of our relationshp, and if you are
hesistant, then you may as well go back to the black dude who you have
met Before and For Real. I am not telling you anything negative or
harsh, I am just telling you the deal straight up and full force.

I've been testing you too.

Stay Safe,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 10, 2010 - 7:50pm

Hey Chris!

Your message seems kind of surprising. I have to ask, did Rocky help you come up with this?

I ask for several reasons: One, a lot of these words don't really sound like something you'd say. Two, it kind of sounds like it comes from someone who doesn't know the full story. I know you talk to Rocky about a lot of things that go on in your life, and I know that you probably don't tell her all of the factors at play here.

You make it sound - and if Rocky is involved, it sounds like this is what she thinks too - that the only problem is that I am not appreciative of you. But while I'm sure you've talked to Rocky about how uncomfortable my requests are making you, have you talked to her about your own inconsistencies? Does she know about your continual lying to me? I notice you carefully avoided answering my point about the parade comic: You have repeatedly said that you previously told me you wouldn't do the parade so I should have known that, but then I pointed out that the email where you answered "I will do that for you" was the first ever mention of the parade comic, so there was no opportunity for you to refuse to do the parade comic before that. I asked you to do it and you said you would but you meant not to, that is literally all there is to it, but you kept trying to twist the truth. You are getting resentful that I seem to be asking a lot of you, but you ignored that I am resentful of your continual lying. Did you talk to Rocky about your lying? Or do you only tell her about the things that bother you?

I understand fully your hesitation to make a drastic change like getting rid of the PS3 prior to meeting me. That's why I gave you the contest in the first place - it was something for you to do for me that allowed you to keep your PS3. But then, instead of appreciate and take advantage of that, you repeatedly cut corners and lied to me anyway. So do you understand why I am hesitant to meet you until I see something that has your 100%, like the parade comic? Do you understand why I am especially hesitant given that I have given you numerous chances to show me what you can do, and you take the path of least resistance every time thus far? You're not the only one who has reason to be hesitant, Chris.

So anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing the pages. You say that regardless of when you get them done, I should be looking forward to seeing you. And that is true. But given the reasons you've given me to feel hesitant and scared about this, the lies and whatnot, YOU should be looking forward to doing something to put my fears to rest. Which means you should be eager to get the pages done.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Jackie}}

{{Email|November 11, 2010 - 10:04pm

Chris, are you going to respond to me at all?

I finally took away your ability to lie to me about the parade comic, but rather than own up and admit you lied, you just got all mad at me because you think I am asking too much. And then when I point out that I don't think I'm asking too much by challenging you to stop lying to me and treating me like you think I'm too stupid to figure it out, you apparently stop talking altogether. I told a friend of mine about what you wrote, and she told me that "I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with the idea of you" spiel was from that Scott Pilgrim movie. Is that true? Did you just parrot some bit from a movie at me? I finally got it through your head that I wasn't going to believe your lies about not wanting to do the stupid comic, but rather than admit to me you lied, you'd rather just get mad at me and quote movie lines at me in an attempt to convince me that I'M a bad person for respecting myself enough to want a guy who's honest with me.

Do you ever honestly believe that you are at fault? Or would you rather just believe that anytime you get stressed, it's because the OTHER person is at fault for not giving you exactly what you want? If you're fine with that, then there's nothing I can do to change that, but enjoy being alone for the rest of your life, because if you keep staying mad at me for not accepting your lies, we won't be together, and if you keep having this attitude of superiority, no one else will want you either. Don't believe that's true? Well then, show me one girl who has put up with your superiority complex long enough to sleep with you.

Man up and admit for once you're in the wrong, and we can still talk. Or stay mad at me just because I don't want to be a doormat to your arrogance. It's your choice.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 12, 4:51pm

Firstly, Rocky is not involved or is aware of you at the moment. And,
yes, the Scott Pilgrim movie was the starting point towards my thinking
behind what I actually felt and thoughts and putting them into more
accurate words. But, "Not in love with you, but the idea of you"
actually came from an episode of Family Guy.

Second, I am sorry for lying to you at first on the parade pages. I
had spoke before the actual full thought process that made me realized
my discomfort on throwing him a parade. Sometimes, I don't think fully
behind my immediate response(s); it is one of my own character flaws.

Yesterday, I was in and out of the house most of the day; I apologize
for not sending you a message. I was not snapping at you when I talked
about the reunion thng. And I do not blame you for any of my stress at
the moment. You are not an idiot, and I do not like to call anyone
such a hurtful adjective. I am at fault for some of my own stress and
directed and misdirected negative feelings and negative thoughts. I
ever said I was always right, and yes I am sometimes wrong. I am in
constant blank-mindedness from retarded mental relays of ideas,
thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Initially, when it is something that
is in long, extensive, complicated detail, when elaborated to me, I
take it in and fully understand it on my own slow mental process; I can
not be expected to have a thought-out applicable or appropriate
response right away. It takes concentration from me then, and somtimes
my own random access memory with a dash of ADHD, it makes it not easy
to concentrate extensively on the same topic.

I think I may have confused superiority with self-respect; I have
lacked self-confidence often in my life, so I can be in error when I
have a moment when I try to stand up for myself, act in self-respect,
etc., etc., etc.

But I have been deeply thinking as extensively as possible in segments
about how to retell the story where Alec, Sean and even Evan and Mao,
were all forgiven and found not guilty; I give a shout out to the
person who kept up the Cwcipedia for as long as it was up; Calvin and
Dee^2 take the four into their custody for a High School Parade on
theirown Two floats; Mao and Evan are set as examples of busted
Cyber-Bullies/Trolls; Alec and Sean are promoted as the next Dark Humor
Comic Authors, and the four Road Trip and move to the Amish Community
of their own decision to stay with their relatives there and start new
lives of their own there.

*sigh*

I also have an idea of coming over to Mary Baldwin, looking you up and
surprise you with a pleasint meet and visit with flowers and candy from
me. I don't know why I'm spoiling the surprise like this; I guess it
Is to show that I do care about you, and I would and will come to you
instead.

And if I left out anythng that I may have missed from your past
e-mails, I'm sorry. And I was wrong before for my lies mistakes.

Stay Safe.

Dazed and blank,

Christian.}}

{{Email|November 12, 2010 - 7:44pm
Hey Chris!

You got it from Family Guy? That's odd, my friend said that stuff was in the Scott Pilgrim movie. Well, whatever.

I'm glad you're finally admitting to lying. Doesn't it feel good to get that off your back? It certainly makes me feel good to see that you're owning up to it and we can begin to put it behind us. I understand that you spoke before you thought fully about it, a lot of people speak before they think sometimes, I've certainly done it. But you should have come to me with your concerns and objections as soon as you thought of them, instead of just keeping silent and then trying to cover it up once I found out. That way we can talk about whatever the problem is. Next time, okay? :)

I also wish you would stop calling yourself retarded. It makes me feel kind of sad to see you put yourself down like that. Yes, you can be slow sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're retarded. You are not retarded. You are an intelligent and crafty person who sometimes has trouble putting his thoughts together. That's nothing to be ashamed of - like I said, a lot of people have slow-minded moments sometimes. It's not something anyone can judge you for. Just make sure that even if you're having trouble thinking of a response for something, that you do what you can do - make sure to touch base and let me know what's going on. Or if you're having second thoughts about something or change your mind about it later, then talk to me about it. That's all you need to do. And maybe I should have talked to you about this sooner, because like I said, you've been talking about this being retarded thing for a while. But you are definitely NOT retarded. You know that, right?

As far as the parade goes, you still have some weird ideas: If the four are found not-guilty, why would they be taken into custody? That shouldn't happen. And if they're not guilty, then they can't be put up as examples of cyber-bullies. I mean, it makes no sense to put them on show for crimes they are found not-guilty of. They should be found not guilty, and then escorted by Calvin and Hobbes^2 to the parade. And then don't send them to an Amish community. That doesn't make sense, why would they want to move there? Alec never said anything about having ties to an Amish community. Send them home to Minnesota so Alec can continue his work.

Anyway, I kind of thought maybe Rocky helped you say that because, like I said, those words kind of came out of the blue. But you haven't talked to her about me? Has she ever given you advice on how to handle your slow-minded moments, or on being honest with people? What kinds of things does she say about those subjects? What other sort of advice does she give you? I have a friend in grad school studying to be a counselor, she likes to learn about this kind of stuff.

Anyway, talk to you soon,

XO XO XO

Jackie}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

2010-12-03T02:16:49Z

Tadahima: /* Summary */

'''BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5''' was a continuation of the third [[PlayStation Network]] chat between "[[Julie]]" ([[BlueSpike]]) and [[Chris]], held on 18 [[February 2009]].

This chat is notable because of Chris's stunning lack of geographical knowledge, his blatant [[racism]] and for talking about his father.

==Summary==

* Chris wants to know if Julie saw ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'', a romantic comedy.
* Chris reads the plot summary from the box. He wants that to be their first movie together.
* Some audio troubles.
* Chat moves into impersonations. Chris impersonates various Simpsons characters.
* Uncle Ruckus is Julie's favorite impersonation, so Chris does an impersonation as well as singing '[[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There]]'.
* Chris is old fashioned and wouldn't date a black chick, but he definitely would fuck her.
* He doesn't like Chinese people but likes Japanese people. Does terrible accents for them both... which are identical. He even admits as much but claims it doesn't matter since they basically speak the same.
* Julie is mad that Bob doesn't like Molvania, Chris says it's because he can't find it on a map. Bob has been to Korea (in Europe) during the Korean war in the Signal Corps.
* Julie wants a Jewish impersonation. Chris imitates Mort from Family Guy.
* Julie realizes that Korea isn't in Europe. Chris claims it's on the "west" coast of where-ever it is, then retracts that and says "east" instead.
* Julie wants to know why Bob is sour. Chris says he is old but Bob can be pleasant.
* Bob was fixing a CD player, looking for a power cord in their landfill of a house.
* Bob worked at GE, has designs in Cleveland and Riveroma.
* Chris says Riveroma sounds like a river and "hopes the river is wide enough", as per the song. He then claims he made this line up.
* Julie wants to know about Indians, but can't decide if she means Indians from India or Native Americans.

==Transcript==

====''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'' (00:00:00)====

[''We join Julie and Chris in medias res, carrying on their previous discussion.'']

'''Julie:''' Do you accept that though?

'''Chris:''' I accept that.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris, that means a lot.

'''Chris:''' 'kay.

'''Julie:''' So is there anything you want to talk about?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I dunno, uuuuhm... [''pause'']

'''Basement Rosechu:''' [''faint, in the background''] Opera!

'''Chris:''' H-Have you uh... [''pause'']

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' Have you seen ''[[wikipedia:Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist|Nick & Norah]]''?

'''Julie:''' ''Nick & Norah''?

'''Chris:''' I- ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist''.

'''Julie:''' No, I haven't seen it yet.

'''Chris:''' It's a fun movie.

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. What's it about?

'''Chris:''' I just watched it- I rented it.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically a romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Uhhh... Nick and Norah met at... uhh at a concert-type thing. And it's like they first meet as strangers, and then she- and then she finds out that he's the guy that uh, did the uh, mint CD's for... his ex. And that uh you know, her f- his ex uh, threw it in a garbage can and uh, Norah's been taking them and copying them to her iPod.

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' E-anyway, it's a fun romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' It sound pretty good.

'''Chris:''' I'd like- uhh, if you want, that can be the first movie we share together. I can re-rent it.

'''Julie:''' Sure I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Actually uh, lemme uh- uh- I'll read you the description from the back of the box here.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Says here: After a chance encounterrrrr... Nick and Norah embark on a journey to New York in the rock scene on a quest to find the secret show of a legendary band and wind up finding each other. [''pause''] Stars uh, [[wikipedia:Michael Cera|Michelle Sarah]] and Kat Dennings.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' There's the cover.

'''Julie:''' Oh. Cool.

'''Chris:''' That heart is in uh- is a pair of earphones.

[''audio returns to being quiet'']

'''Julie:''' I see, yeah.

[''faint sound of mouse clicking'']

'''Chris:''' [''Due to Chris's mumbling and low audio volume his precise words are inaudible, but the general gist is that he is describing the cover of the movie.''] -you can see on- on the cover here. I have a mini poster of that movie.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

[''pause, more mouse clicks'']

====Impressions (00:02:38)====

[''audio returns to normal'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. Oh. Yes..

'''Chris:''' Yeeees. [''Chris is doing a poor Mr Burns impression'']

'''Julie:''' [[wikipedia:Ned_Flanders|Indeedily, deedily, daddily, do]]?

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Montgomery_Burns|Eeexcellent]].

'''Julie:''' Hah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I gotta little thing- Mr Burns there.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Eeexcellent.

[[Image:MargePoster.jpg|thumb|The picture of a married woman Chris is pretending to be (and faps to).]]

'''Julie:''' Oh- can you do your impersonation of [[wikipedia:Homer_Simpson|Homer]]?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''inaudible; very poor Homer impersonation''] -but it's okay! Doh doh doh doh!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Crap. Good impression!

'''Chris:''' [''high pitched screeching''] Oooh, look at me, I'm [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge]], I'm Homer's wife.

'''Julie:''' Huh. That's a great impression.

'''Chris:''' [''horrific sucking noise, as though Chris was enjoying a nice, healthy, 100% all meat [[pickle]]'']

'''Julie:''' Heh.

'''Chris:''' That's Maggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, can you guess what my favorite impression is?

'''Chris:''' Uhh- [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]?

'''Julie:''' That's a good one but... that's not my favorite!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]?

'''Julie:''' A-hah! That's the one.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a poor Uncle Ruckus impression''] [''inaudible'']- them God-damn [[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|new niggers over dere]] [sic]. Now just singing a song I just made up and you sing along if you know the words. But then again how can you know the words to this song I just made up, I haven't told them to you before.

'''Julie:''' Heh. Can you sing the song later p-please?

'''Chris:''' [''horrific, off-key warbling''] Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Nooo nooo no no no no no no way no no not dem new niggas over dere!

====[[Niggos]] (00:04:50)====

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris will definitely sleep with them.]]
'''Julie:''' Mmm! Oh, that's really good. Can I ask you a serious question though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' What-What do you think about black people?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] In general a black- black people are okay and [[Surfshack Tito|they are respectable]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [[Chris_Drops_the_N-Bomb|I have nothing against black people personally]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' And uh-

[''Julie cuts into Chris'']

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Julie:''' No, you go.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah well, it-it does- when it comes to the women, I-I'm... I am willing to be [[friend zone|friends]] with them, and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|I'll sleep with them]], just like uh any [[Silvana|other woman]], but I would not want to date a black woman.
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Chris, predicting his hatred of Mao in the future.]]
'''Julie:''' Why not?

'''Chris:''' Mm- just called me old fashioned, the way I was bought up.

'''Julie:''' Oh, a'right. Well what about um... what about Chinese?

'''Chris:''' I don't like [[mao|Chinese people]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' They're okay.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I like [''Chris does a very poor Japanese accent''] [[anime|Japanese]] people too.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm, yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a very offensive Chinese accent''] Look at me, I'm Chinese! Look at me, I'm Chinese!

'''Julie:''' Hah. Hah hah! [''audio cut''] -Japanese.

'''Chris:''' [''normal voice''] What?

'''Julie:''' Wait was that Japanese or Chinese?

'''Chris:''' [''offensive accent returns''] Yeah well no matter-ie they all speak-ie funny.

====Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)====

'''Julie:''' Hah. Phh- bwhwa. Ah. [''suddenly serious''] Chris, do you think we could talk about your [[Bob|father]] for a bit?

'''Chris:''' Sure.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Like, why doesn't he believe Molvanîa? It makes me really mad!

'''Chris:''' I guess just because he can't find it on the map.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ... for one thing. And he's traveled to uh, U- Europe at least, he's been to uh- I think it was North Korea... during the Korean war- he-[''Windows beeping''] he was in the signal corps.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Worked on the uh, technish-technical stuff and all that.

'''Julie:''' Mmm. Well I just thought of something- what about um-

'''Chris:''' [''soft''] What was your thought?

'''Julie:''' -do you think you could do a [[Michael Snyder|Jewish]] impersonation? I'm sorry, but could you?

'''Chris:''' Jewish impersonation...?

'''Julie:''' Yeah you know, a-an impersonation of a Jewish person.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I guess I could uh- I guess I could imitate [[wikipedia:List_of_characters_in_Family_Guy#The_Goldmans|Mort]].

'''Julie:''' Sure!

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''nasally, neigh inaudible rasping, feeble attempt to imitate Mort''] [[wikipedia:Peter_Griffin|Peter]]- Peter I need to know where the bathroom is because I took an uh, dead thumb in the uh, break-van and I really gotta go [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop]].

[''Transcriber's note: Seriously, I've been over and over this, I have absolutely no idea what Chris is babbling about in the quote above since the audio quality is horrible and the terrible, offensive accent makes it almost impossible to make out. I am GUESSING that he is basing this quote on the opening scene of [[wikipedia:Road_to_Germany|Family Guy's Road to Germany]], where Mort says to Peter: "Peter! May I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener, and urhg. They're fighting it out in there...!"'']

[[Image:Europe.png|thumb|Strange, Bob was actually serving quite near to Molvanîa.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh. Wait, I just realized- Korea isn't in Europe.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' [[honor roll|It isn't?]]

'''Julie:''' No, it's... it's not.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, maybe I'm mistaken then, but I know it's on the uhh... [[fail|west coast]] of that... area there.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' Oh no wait- not west, east.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Hmm.

'''Chris:''' I got- I got the left and the right mixed up.

'''Julie:''' Well it's a'right.

'''Chris:''' You know that's funny sometimes how people can get their left and their right mixed up?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Wait, that's Asia. Not in Europe.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Hmm... yeah. Asia.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' That's right.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

====Back to Bob. (00:07:55)====

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' So.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Right, so we talk about B- we talk about my father.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. It's like, why is he- I-I really don't wanna be rude- but why is he so sour and everything?

'''Chris:''' Why is he so sour?

'''Julie:''' Yeah, why is he so [''beep''] sour about everything?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, just because he's old.

'''Julie:''' So he finds more ways to argue... wait, what's the expression you used?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he- he starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, you're right.

'''Chris:''' But you know uh, when he's not- when he's not picking out an argument he can be a pretty pleasant conversationalist.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' He could be a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour guide]].

'''Julie:''' What was he doing anyway, uh- fixing a CD player?

'''Chris:''' Uh yeah he's got uh, one of the battery operated CD players we had laying around and uh... he was t- he was testing... that.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' He asked me if I knew- if I uh knew where he could find the power cord to it, but I haven't... seen it- seen one in there.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. So that's- yeah. I did tell you he worked at General Electric, designed the controls for the plastic molding machine.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah apparently uh, he had some designs over in the- over in the uh- o-over in [''Skype noise''] -Cleveland or a nearby city, [''inaudible''] I think it was?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Riveroma?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Sounds like river.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Ain't_No_Mountain_High_Enough|I hope it's wide enough.]]

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Me too.

'''Chris:''' [[lie|I just made that up.]]

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, what do you think about Indians?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, are you talking about uh, Native Americans or people from India?

'''Julie:''' Uhm... Native Americans. No wait- yeah, actually.

[''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?qtn4hzwymgm Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: PSN Chats]]

Death threats

2010-11-26T02:01:52Z

Tadahima: /* Clyde Cash */ - updated

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of rage has steadily grown over months and years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of 2009 and early 2010 Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis. The people he has wished this grisly fate upon are listed are follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy — the Sonichu comics. In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Chris's threats against Clyde culminated in a video where he [[DivineTrial|ordered his execution]], with a Shadow the Hedgehog doll standing in for the "Cashey-type person".

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When Kacey expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could be justified in maiming her boyfriend.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===[[Evan]], Mao, and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included Evan and Mao, two of Leary's partners in the creation of Asperpedia, in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 01 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on CWCipedia. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the Webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On [[March 2010|17 March]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The Cwcipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris address to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claims that he will [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ends the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

DivineTrial

2010-11-26T01:55:00Z

Tadahima: /* Transcript */

'''DivineTrial''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris dresses up as Divine, the famous [[Muscle_bra|crossdressing]] actor who played Babs in the 1972 cult film [[Wikipedia:Pink Flamingos|''Pink Flamingos'']], and then re-enacts the trial scene from the movie with [[Clyde Cash]] as the culprit. What Chris doesn't know is that when a case is dismissed, the defendant cannot be sentenced, as here.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = DivineTrial
| video = {{#ev:youtube|QOQNXv0g77I}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| previous = [[DrainedCreativity]]
| next = [[JuggaloShoutOut]]
}}

===Transcript===

[''Chris stands in front of the camera wearing clown makeup, his shirt stuffed with his [[plush breasts]] and a red sheet of construction paper covering his crotch.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, folks... and darlings! This is Divine Babs, y'know. We are going to go on a trial now fo- to go against... our culprit here, mister Clyde Cash. Say hello to the audience, Clyde.

[''Chris holds up a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll supposed to represent Clyde.'']

'''Clyde:''' [''mumbling noises'']

'''Chris:''' I ain't got much to say, huh? Well, that's a shame. Clyde, now, you spoke to me on live Internet before the trial here was started.

'''Clyde:''' [''mumbling noises'']

'''Chris:''' He stands accused of being a [[troll]], a bully, and especially doing all these things against one Christian Weston Chandler and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Sonichu and Rosechu family]]! We bring in a witness here today, of which we will put that against Mr. Clyde Cash here. He's a witness of a- Son- Sonichu, the- the original one.

[''Chris holds up a Pikachu doll, modified to resemble Sonichu.''] All right, Sonichu... do you swear to speak the whole truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

'''Sonichu:''' I do.

'''Chris:''' All right, then, will you please point out the guilty party of this room that has done all the trollings and dwollings and all that and even... personal... threatening and whatnot against Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?

'''Sonichu:''' Yes, [[Wikipedia:Divine (actor)|Divine]]. He's right over there! [''Chris imitates a dramatic musical sting''] Mr. Clyde Cash!

'''Chris:''' Thank you, that'll be all, you may step down from the witness stand. All right then, we will now have order in the court! Order in the court! [''Bangs the table with a coffee cup''] I have reviewed all the case files and what not, and in this [[Sonichu 10|kangaroo court]] justice, I hereby... pronounce sentence to Mr. Clyde Cash. He is guilty of all charges! And then- and... on the lawsuit here, for his punishment, he will be shot to death... and his wi- and [[PandaHalo|his wife]] and one-cent daughter [[Women's rights|will go to a better husband...]] outside of his family. One will be provided for her by law. Somebody within her local reach, but not from the state of [[Virginia]].

But anyway, the punishment is death for Mr. Clyde Cash... for doing so many wrongs against Mr. Christian Weston Chandler. Case dismissed! [''Bangs the table with his coffee cup again'']

'''Chris:''' Are you ready for your execution, Mr. Clyde Cash?

'''Clyde:''' [''mumbling noises''] [[Image:Chris_is_phoenix_wright.jpg|thumb|Well, at least my face ain't fucking orange!]]

'''Chris:''' [[Clyde Cash|Well, at least my face ain't fucking orange!]] Buh-bye.
[''Chris pulls out his [[Megatron pistol]] and shoots Clyde.'']

And that was another fine episode of Divine's people court. You all enjoy- you all have yourselves a good day! And remember, Divine ''is''... the filthiest, dirtiest person in the world! Even though I've temporarily dyed my hair brown! It's usually blonde!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DrainedCreativity]]|nextlink=[[JuggaloShoutOut]]}}

{{Cosplay videos}}
{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and censorship

2010-11-26T01:06:12Z

Tadahima: /* Flipnote Hatena */

[[Image:CWCstalin1.png|thumb|General Secretary of the True and Honest Sonichism Party, Christian Weston Chandler, seeks out and eliminates all reactionary [[Liquid Chris|Liquidist]]-[[Clyde Cash|Cashist]]-[[BlueSpike|Spikist]] tendencies.]]

As a result of his massive [[ego]], [[Chris]] is very insecure about others' opinions regarding him and [[Sonichu Comic|his work]]. This has led to him '''censoring''' out various comments and remarks from [[trolls]] and innocent bystanders alike.

==Origins==
In the [[Mailbag]], Chris's desire for censorship stems from his belief that since it is the "Letters to the Editor" section of his website, he should have complete editorial control over it. Chris believes that such behavior is commonplace, as he accused [[Alec Benson Leary]] of doing the same thing in his Mailbags. He is unaware that it makes him look like an insecure tyrant.

==Manifestations==
{{Incomplete}}

===In the comics===

Chris has been censoring events since [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Before his encounters with the [[troll]]s the majority of censorship in the comic has been indirect, recreating heavily distorted versions of real events in an attempt to make him look more sympathetic and heroic. It's not until the trolls began to pester him that other forms of censorship begin to emerge and eventually take over the comic.

Chris has a consistent standard as to what he censors: swear words and what people tell him to censor. While early ''Sonichu'' comics have [[CWC-isms|extremely bizarre and strange minced oaths,]] more recent issues have added actual swearing, which has been clumsily censored out. This goes for anything from "fuck," which is understandable, to extremely mild almost-swears like
"[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|crap]]" which TV-Y7 shows can get away with anyway (indeed, censoring the word makes it look [[Wikipedia:cunt|far, far worse]]). Chris obviously has no problem with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|even the worst swearing,]] so we can assume he's doing it for the sake of the children reading the comic. Which is really strange, because he could just as easily have used harmless expletives like "Darn", and he has never voluntarily removed other objectionable content from his comic, such as:

* '''Graphic sex,''' removed only after extensive complaining from traumatized [[Trolls|fans]]. Note that graphic sex was preceded by an anatomy lesson which had uncensored swear words used to name sexual parts.
* '''Extremely revealing and embarrassing personal events''' via [[Sub-Episodes]], which ceased (but were not removed) only after [[Barb|his mother]] told him to stop.
* '''Thinly-veiled bids for sex from real-life [[gal pal]]s''' via [[Sailor Megtune|comic]] [[Queen of the Cherokian Clan|proxies]]. One [[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"|particularly creepy incident]] was edited only after [[Megan Schroeder|the lady in question]] demanded him to take them out. [[Chris and Remorse|He put the scene back in]] after he destroyed their friendship via [[SheCameForCWC.jpg]].
* '''Real people as unflattering characters''' all throughout the comic assembled in bewildering arrangement, including [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|a monolithic anti-CWC conspiracy.]] Chris has only begrudgingly changed the names of real people at the insistence of a troll posing as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and as a form of half-assed pseudo-apology to [[Mary Lee Walsh]].

Presumably, if he were left to his own devices, Chris would have no problem exposing his hypothetical 7-year-old-and-up audience to "sexy" anatomy lessons.

Notably, the comic contains and has not yet censored:

* '''Extremely graphic mutilation and murder of real people,''' namely the [[Asperpedia]] staff. This has not been censored yet, even after the people he proxy-murdered complained.
* '''Profoundly racist and homophobic rants''', some of which are integral plot elements.
* '''PG-13-level sexual imagery and pseudo-innuendo,''' which remains even after the graphic sex was taken out.
* '''Unpleasantly frank discussions of sex in general,''' even if it now takes place off-screen.

You know, nothing that would be out of place on an episode of ''[[Power Rangers]]'' or ''[[Pokémon]]''.

When called on this, Chris blamed the [[Wikipedia:Federal Communications Commission|Federal Communications Commission]] for not stopping him from doing so. He is clearly unaware that in America, the things people put on the Internet are regulated by nothing but the user's own self-control. And we all know how little of that Chris has.

===On his website===

The censorship for Chris's [[CWCipedia|website]] is even more thorough and entrenched than in the comic. Like in the comic, he censors any swear word, regardless of how mild it is, while leaving every other horrible thought that comes out of his head unedited. The only thing Chris likes to edit are other people's words.

Perhaps the most disturbing censorship comes with the [[mailbag]]. It didn't take long for Chris to start gutting the mailbag, first simply depositing questions he didn't want to answer in the "rejected" mailbag, then planting rejected letters into the "to be answered later" mailbag when called out on rejecting letters, then straight-up erasing letters from the page in hopes nobody would figure out they existed. The most insidious edits (as far as Chris can achieve insidiousness) are his editing of questions and letters, in varying degrees of severity. Usually, this is to bring letters in line with his self-serving moral standards, to remove opinions he disagrees with, to turn criticism of his comic into fawning, to turn approval of ''[[Asperchu]]'' into approval of ''Sonichu'', or just to try and make his latest stupid point as hard as he can.

Interestingly, he is quite fond of striking out and replacing parts of letters with bold text, like a child scribbling over something he doesn't like. It's unknown whether he expects people to ignore the stricken parts of the letter, to agree with his [[Chris and ego|righteous fury,]] or if it's just for tantrum-like emphasis. He does the same thing when [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|editing his ED page,]] so perhaps he just assumes we're all on his side.

Chris has an unpleasant tendency to refer to himself as the captain of the CWCipedia, and the trolls as assorted foes trying to bring him down. His actual level of control is of course negligible, so regardless of how disturbingly tyrannical his actions seem, he is so completely incompetent we should be glad he's not any smarter or in anything even vaguely resembling a position of power.

===''Flipnote Hatena''===

As of early [[June 2010]] Chris began playing with the DSi game ''Flipnote Studios'', and posted them on the website [[Flipnote Hatena]]. His works consisted primarily of the standard Chris-chan fare; unfunny attempts at [[random-access humor|humor]], ripping off of other peoples works, rambling comment posts, and of course the ubiquitous plastering of Sonichu's face wherever possible. One "work" of note that Chris posted on his account would cause him to run afoul of the Flipnote Hatena administrators. This was [[RomanticLabyrinth]]. Essentially a retelling of one of Chris's sex dreams, it violated some of the core rules of Flipnote Hatena in that it was ''sexual'' in nature. Chris, never being one to read or care about rules, was of course outraged when he discovered the animation had been removed by admins. He promptly reposted a hastily censored version of his work. When this too was removed, Chris again posted the censored version, only this time with a ranting call for admins to leave his work be and instead divert their attention to the trolls that were supposedly harassing him on his comment page. This third upload was soon banned. He would go on to upload this Flipnote three more times, the fourth time leading to his first ban.

==Self-censorship==

When it comes to Chris censoring ''himself'', it's a difficult thing to actually pin down. It ''can'' be said that Chris has learned to put a filter on himself. This is often seen on his website, where he types any swear words he wants to use as the first letter of the word and a series of asterisks (example: f***, a**, etc.). He knows he has to stay "Family Friendly", but he's too angry to go with inoffensive cusses like "Oh, nuts", so he uses implied swearing as a sort of [[naive|extremely stupid]] middle ground. This has resulted in some very unusual quotes, such as...

{{Quote|but NOOOOO, the Trolls HAD to stick their n***** noses into my affair.|Chris, [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|self-censoring a ''racial slur'']].}}

During Chris's early net days, nothing was too candid for Chris to mention: his [[attraction sign]]s, telling people that he was a [[virgin with rage]] and he was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to build into a sweetheart. All of it was fair game. However, the trolling attacks on him have started to teach him that not everything can and should be said.

Of course, with Chris, trying to get him to stop mentioning things is akin to smacking a dog with a newspaper when it does something bad - you have to keep doing it ''over and over'' just to get him to learn. Case in point: [[The Wallflower]]. When the [[CWCki]] exposed The Wallflower to the world, she approached the site to get the page removed after learning what it contained. However, Chris not only took it as a victory for himself, he would ''still'' drop ''both'' of her names even a month afterward. Even worse, when Chris snatched the article for the Wallflower from the CWCki and placed it on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris removed the part that described how the CWCki was respectful to the Wallflower's privacy.

==Chris's views on censorship==

{{Incomplete}}

Chris's views on censorship are skewed at best and hypocritical at worst. His comic is easily the best example of Chris's odd views. Panty-shots, [[Sonichu 8|sex]] [[Giant Penis Comic|scenes]], "stripping for [[Women's Rights]]" - all of this stands in sharp contrast to Chris's unwillingness to push the extra mile on violence (especially when it comes to [[Simonla|killing characters]]) and the rampant "bleeping" of swear words. In fact, Chris's hypocritical actions mimic that of another famed troll-target, David Gonterman, whose misogynistic, homophobic and racist comments and actions clashed with his attempts to paint a family friendly world. For someone who wants to have his comics published across the world, he's doing a poor job convincing people that he has material that's publishable - [[Chris and art|on top of]] [[Copyright|the rest of the evidence against him]].

The evidence suggests that Chris only censors what he doesn't like. He doesn't like character death or explicit violence, unless it's directed at the trolls who've angered him the most, or if he's being "True and Honest" about some past pretend-girlfriend suddenly "dying." He doesn't like swearing, unless he's dropping F- and N-bombs on his enemies. He really likes female nudity and can't stand (for one reason or the other) male nudity that isn't his perfect and immaculate body on display—and so on.

In Chris's eyes, he thinks this is being "True and Honest," just like everything else. However, because of his [[autism]], he just has no filter for these sort of thing, and because he's such an unmotivated slug, he's never bothered to learn what's appropriate and what isn't. Thus, he sees no problem uploading videos in which [[CWCFlyingElephants|he's run around naked]], [[Death threats|threatened violence towards others]], or [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|generally behaved like an ignorant jackass]]. Likewise, he only edited out the sex and nudity of Sonichu when Pretend Miyamoto made him, and continues to upload his Flipnotes in blatant defiance of the mods.

Chris himself hasn't spoken out much on censorship beyond a disdain for the censorship of female nudity and complaints about the violence and swearing in Asperchu. If he ever did release his thoughts on the issue of censorship, one might reasonably assume he'd reiterate annoyance at "those dumb laws" while demanding men wear bras, homos kindly die, and that more violent games include "no blood or gore" options a la Brutal Legend. The reasoning behind this should be obvious—because that's what ''he'' wants.

== See also ==
*[[Chris in the media]]
*[[Chris and the law]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Honest Content]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Honest Content

2010-11-26T00:56:35Z

Tadahima:

{{Honest}}
'''Honest Content''' refers to the way [[Chris]] believes that, in order to be "honest," you must tactlessly give away [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS |far too much private and/or personal information about yourself]].

While honesty may be the best policy, Chris has a poor grasp of what honesty is or when it's inappropriate to be "honest." Worse still, he seems to think the only way to attract a woman is to be unfailingly honest.

However, Chris will usually not be honest about things that actually warrant it, like he honestly didn't really go on a date with a girl named [[Chloe]] or [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|that he was honestly fooled by trolls]] or how he [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|honestly never went to Redmond]]. Likewise, according to [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref> Chris never tells him anything, suggesting that he's not honest with his own father.

==Origin==
[[Image:CWCAdultChronicles.jpg|thumb|Rated M for....you know it already]]

The term "Honest Content" is derived from Chris's [[DVD]] which has a parental advisory for "Very Honest Content."

Likewise, it appears as a content descriptor in the ESRB rating for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''. This fictional [[video game]]'s Honest Content is apparently enough to earn it an M rating (for users 17 and older).

==Honesty==

Upon meeting you, Chris will be "honest" about his:

*[[virgin with rage|Virginity]]
*[[Pink eye]]
*[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Fecal incontinence]]
*[[Love quest]]
*[[Autism]]
*[[Noviophobia|Invented phobias]]
*[[Semen|Recycling]]
*[[Donald Duck impersonation]]
*[[Anne Boleyn|Genealogy]]
*[[Mass debating|Masturbation]]
*[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Need to wear a bra]]

His honesty, however, isn't limited to the horrible, but also the inane. When mentioning his name-change, he always credits both [[Chris and Religion|God]] and [[The Bear]]. Similarly, when talking about Sonic being his childhood hero he always clarifies that his hero was originally [[The American Rabbit]]. Whether or not he thinks he'll hurt the Rabbit's feelings if he doesn't make that distinction is unknown, though judging by the... [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|illuminating conversations Chris had with Alec]] it's entirely possible, since Chris believes that all fiction characters are "real" to some degree.

Despite being candid about just about every little personal aspect, including addresses and phone numbers, Chris will rage at you for "stealing" "private" information that [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he himself has disclosed]].

==True and Honest, Honest and True==
"True and honest" (or "TRUE and HONEST" for added impact) is a common catchphrase among trolls, usually used to describe something that isn't the least bit honest or true. It became especially popular during the [[Liquid Chris]] saga, as Liquid insisted that he was the "TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler" in the face of the "impostor" Ian Brandon Anderson.

Chris did coin the phrase, though, even if it was his trolls that picked it up and ran with it, and he has used it on a few occasions.

*On the [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]], in an entry from 25 September 2008, Chris talked about his would-be sweetheart [[PandaHalo]], saying, "I know she is True and Honest from her voice...SHE IS NOT A TROLL; SO DO NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE OR FRAME HER."
*In the extended version of [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris says, "I am NOT a troll to any of the other True and Honest people out there."
*During one of his [[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE|phone conversations]] with Liquid in August 2009, Chris declared, "I am the true, honest voice of reason here, I am being the- I am the true, honest one here."
*In [[For Chris]], a video from the Liquid dispute dated 22 October 2009, Chris talked about his infamous honesty: "I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are true and honest feelings. SO THERE."
*In the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], from November 2009, after being caught up in lie after lie after lie, a half-sobbing Chris said, "I have not been lying to anybody! I have been honest and true."

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Lies]]
*[[Chris and censorship]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

CWC Fighter

2010-11-26T00:44:42Z

Tadahima:

[[File:Tinychunli.jpg|thumb|150px|This Chun-Li can beat the living crap out of Chris.]]
"'''CWC Fighter'''" is a video from 18 [[August 2009]] in which [[Chris Chan]] shows us his "martial arts" moves.

==Video==

{{quote|Watch It, I have a little [[Wikipedia:Chun-Li|Chun-Li]] within me.|Official description}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Fighter
| image = {{#ev:youtube|IXMP1XmD-cg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Shirt = [[Image:redshirt.png]] Red shirt
| previous = [[Light_His_Mind's_Darkest_Hour| Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]
| next = [[One_Blessing,_and_One_Curse| One Blessing, and One Curse]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
[''A camera is pointed at the back of Chris's [[Son-chu|blue stationwagon]] parked in the [[14 Branchland Court|yard]]. A riding [[Father Call|lawnmower]] is visible. Chris walks into the frame, [[Chris and fashion|dressed]] in a bright red T-shirt with an undersized denim vest and blue jeans. He also wears his [[Medallion of fail|Sonichu medallion]]. He stands, legs apart, hands clasped in front of him, eyes closed as if in prayer. He is possibly [[Chris and religion|invoking]] some kind of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|ungodly power]]. He brings his hands to his sides, and with a crazed look he swings his right arm backwards. Aiming to either side of his body, he makes an upwards, poking motion with his left hand, then his right. His fingers are fully extended. He does the same thing, except straight ahead. He punches the air and twirls around, his back to the camera. He makes an awkward spinning kick and recovers ungracefully. He kicks at the air with his other leg, arms akimbo and head cocked to one side. He takes a step back and does two pitiful punching motions aimed at nowhere in particular. He attempts an uppercut and fails horribly at it, vaguely resembling a [[Chris Loses It|wounded animal]]. Chris punches some more air in random directions, but with much, much less force than when he started 20 seconds ago. Chris crouches down and does a very, very slow spinning kick where that looks particularly ineffectual. Chris returns to the camera, flashes a victory sign, and states:'']

I've got a little Chun-Li, withiiiiin me.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = FALCCCCCCCCCONNNNNNN CHRIS
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GS_z-kM64rM}}
| Stardate = 20 August 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/puppetchaos puppetchaos]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC Ballet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YKXtDWOuL4U}}
| Stardate = 21 August 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ohhhmyaxels OhhhMyAxels]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type = ?????
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = SUPER CWC FIGHTER 2 ALPHA: THE THIRD STRIKE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Uy2z-fi9yec}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PhallusKnifeFight PhallusKnifeFight]
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan can swim.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vSkP9E_6bMw}}
| Stardate = 25 May 2010
| Maker = TheMammothWasHere
| Subject = [[CWC_Fighter]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = [[CWC Fighter]] ALPHA 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sMT5Xb6IshE}}
| Stardate = 14 March 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/DrButler DrButler]
| Subject = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CCR: Chris Chan Revolution
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bVkzCzTh-7o}}
| Stardate = 5 October 2010
| Maker = GoldPlatedDildo
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = DDR Remix
}}

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Chan Lee|Wikipedia article on Chris Chan Lee]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour]]|nextlink=[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

Things Chris has ripped off

2010-11-25T01:20:52Z

Tadahima: /* Mario series */

'''''Attention! This page is under construction! What you see now is a preview of the things to come. You are free to add anything you think is relevant, it will be taken into consideration when the revamping will be finished. For discussion, critique and more info, please see the [[Talk:Things Chris has ripped off|talk page]]. Thank you.'''''

{{Quote|I take it one moment at a time and let the story pieces come to me. Even if they are sometimes borrowed from a tv show or movie.|Chris, [[Mailbag 4#Admission of plagiarism|blatantly admitting to plagiarism]].}}

[[Image:090-CWComicalHug.jpg|thumb|ORIGINAL!]]
[[Image:191-sealSchu.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST Seal of Originality]]

As every [[Chris-chan]] [[troll|fan]] is probably aware of, our autistic hero has quite the imagination. But some argue that due to [[stress]] and the mental block that is [[autism]], his powerful and mighty artistic ordeals cannot come to fruition. So he just does what every good TV/book/movie writer does: he goes and steals an enormous amount of shit from other places.

To his credit, plagiarizing isn't easy. After all, how does you grab something that comes from another person's mind, adapt it to your own storyline and make it so that it fits in, without having whatever it is that you stole stand out like an obese retard with a red and blue striped shirt in the middle of a crowd? Being the [[Honor roll|geinus]] comic book creator that he is, he feels that he doesn't need to bother with details such as a good plot, readability, or even consistency. Just stick in a few [[random-access humor|random-access-humor]] jokes and you got yourselves a new installment in the "[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' Comic Book Series]]." Not resembling ''[[Family Guy]]'' at all, right?

According to Chris, stealing [[copyright]]ed material is fine, as long as you indicate that whatever it is you’re doing is a "[[parody]]" of the original material. In accordance to U.S. copyright law, this is technically true, so this probably means that, unless he decides to make money out of his "artwork," he isn't going to have the law knocking on his door. Besides, we all know he's never going to sell any type of merchandise ever, or even [[Monthly tugboat|make a hard earned buck]] for that matter.

Onward with the list of shit he's stolen:

==Main influences==

===Sonic the Hedgehog===

*His pride and glory "[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]," which, as we all know, is a recolor of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] with [[Pikachu]]'s tail and ears. In his comic book debut he is created when the "[[Perfect Chaos Monster]]" attacks [[CWCville]], which, by the way, is a direct ripoff of the end of ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''.
*His other pride and glory “[[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]” is just [[Amy Rose]] with a Raichu tail.
*Of course, Sonichu’s evil twin brother [[Blake]] (Black Sonichu, Blachu) also comes from the same line of original creativity Chris has got us accustomed to. This [[niggos|darkie]] version of Sonichu is a complete ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow the Hedgehog]].
*The "[[Chaotic Combo]]" is a mesh of ''Sonic'' characters recolored with retarded deformities, and their name is a copy of the [[Wikipedia:List of Sonic the Hedgehog video game characters#Chaotix|Chaotix]]. Like [[Angelica]] being a white hedgehog that has wings, or [[Punchy Sonichu]] being an Oriental version of [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]].
''For more info, see the [[Sonic the Hedgehog#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===Pokémon===

*Like the previously mentioned Sonichu and Rosechu characters ripping off Sonic the Hedgehog, they also rip off various [[Pokémon]], mostly Pikachu and Raichu, combined with other Pokémon.
*The character [[Jiggliami]] is a humanoid variation of a Jigglypuff.
*The so-called [[Sonichu Balls]] are designed like various Poké Balls, though they also function like other items.
*[[Sonees]] are also slightly edited Pichu, with a bit of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Chao]] mixed in.
*Moves. As if ripping off their looks weren't enough, Chris also rips off their attacks such as "thunder bolt" or "sky uppercut".
*Many of the cards on Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|Wall of Originals]] are obviously based on character concepts or illustrations from the Pokémon games. (Christian's Maychu, to use one example, imitates the official illustration of the Pokémon Hitmonlee.)

''For more info, see the [[Pokémon#Plagiarism in Sonichu|main article]].''

==Anime==

===''[[Wikipedia:Digimon|Digimon]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*[[Silvana|Silvana's]] origin is very similar to [[Wikipedia:Gatomon|Gatomon]]'s, as both were long separated from their kind and raised by evil villains who made them into their minions. The only difference being that Silvana was given a [[Pickle|penis]].
*[[Ultra Sonichu]]'s Chaotic Remedy is a blatant copy of [[Wikipedia:Patamon#MagnaAngemon|MagnaAngemon's Magna Antidote]] attack.

===[[Wikipedia:Dragon Ball#Anime_series|Dragonball/Z/GT]]===
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]'s famed attack, the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] (later Shin-ye-ha-me-ha), is based on the famed Kamehameha attack.
*The [[Sonichu Balls]], though resembling Poké Balls, seem to function more like the titular Dragonballs, as they are able to grant a wish when all are brought together.
*Ultra Sonichu shares an amazing resemblance to Super Saiyan warriors by flying sky high and kicking ass and all.
*[[Collosal Chan]] is obviously Super Saiyan 4 from ''Dragonball GT''.
*[[Mypoe]] ripped off [[Punchy]]'s tail because it was a "weak spot"; the same "weak spot" exists for Saiyans (unless said tail has been removed).

===''[[Excel Saga]]''===

*A veritable hellstorm of shameless rips from this series appears in the ''Sonichu'' comics, in a way nearly as pervasive as Pokémon and Sonic the Hedgehog, yet comparatively subtler because he steals one-liners and monologues more than characters or storylines.
*...although he does indeed steal characters (like Mypoe and Nabeshin and [[Bagget|the Jerkop Daitenzen]]) from time to time.
*It is also possible that Chris stole the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] from the parody "Nabehameha" from ''Excel Saga'' (which was essentially a Kamehameha attack, except shaped like an afro).

''For more info, see the [[Excel Saga#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|''Gurren Lagann'']]===

*The character of [[Simonla Rosechu]] is a ripoff of a "fanmade" Sonichu named [[Simonchu]] who, in turn, is ripped off from the main character of the series, Simon the Digger.
*It should be noted that Chris has probably never seen ''Gurren Lagann'', and as such misinterpreted several aspects of Simonchu's design that were intended to be referential to Simon: his cape became Simonla's shell, and his Core Drill pendant became a shark's tooth necklace.
*When Chris was forced to kill off Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he promptly created [[Sandy Rosechu]], Simonla's daughter. She is essentially exactly the same design-wise, except she is yellow and has a different hairstyle.

===[[Wikipedia:InuYasha|''InuYasha'']]===
*In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], [[Saramah Rosechu]] pins [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] to a tree, Wes making the statement "Where did this non-sacred tree come from?" This is a "hilarious gag" referring to InuYasha's origin story, wherein he was pinned by an arrow to a cursed tree by priestess/crack shot/vengeful ex-girlfriend [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Kikyo|Kikyo]]. Also, with some imagination and enough [[alcohol]], one can see that a cloud in the background in one of the panels is shaped vaguely like InuYasha's head.
*Chris also has a [[Marvey Blaziken|Blaziken]] in his Pokémon team named "Inu Yasha", which was only revealed on the [[CWCipedia]]. It's likely that this is the same Blaziken seen training with Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], though he is not identified by name in that comic.

===[[Wikipedia:Pretty Cure|''Pretty Cure'']]===

{{quote|"This is so "Pretty Cure"! I'M BACK!"|[[Chris-chan Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]}}

*''Pretty Cure'', unlike [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], is a true [[parody]] that purposefully spoofs the ridiculous costumes, magical schoolgirls, and attack names of other anime series. The [[Chrs-Chan_Pure_Pulse-Jolt_Lance|Chrs-Chan [sic] Pure Pulse Jolt Lance]] (the attack that [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] are able to perform with their combined Hedgehog powers) is stolen from this series, and even though its original counterpart was given a ridiculous name, Chris felt the need to make it sound like some idiot had just mashed some random words into an attack name for his own version. ''Oh wait...''

*Also noteworthy is that Chris copied (and butchered) the pre-attack catch phases and attack poses. Most of these rip-offs occur in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] and [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]].

===''[[Sailor Moon]]''===
*[[Sailor Megtune]], Chris's hideously inappropriate SI Mary Sue for [[Megan]], is based off the various heroines from the series, though the name is based on [[Wikipedia:Sailor Neptune|Sailor Neptune]].
*The [[Dark Mirror Hole]] may be a reference to a number of related ''Sailor Moon'' places/items, including the Black Dream Hole of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie|''Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie'']], and a mirror-like item from a few episodes of ''Sailor Moon Super Stars'' and the majority of ''Sailor Moon Super S''.
''For more info, see the [[Sailor Moon#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]===

*In the aforementioned [[random-access humor]] [[ED]] edit, Chris quoted a joke from the US-dubbed version of SPC: "Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED".
*He created the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], which is a ripoff of both ''Samurai Pizza Cats'' and [[Transformers]]. They make several appearances in the comic to help [[Sonichu]] battle the [[Jerkops]].

===''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''===

*[[Sarah Hammer]]'s husband-to-be is depicted as [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jack's_Knight Jack's Knight], a ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' monster, because Chris had no idea what the groom looked like and didn't bother to check. Way to go!
*Chris tends to use various ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' terms during his battles ("Trap cards"? Seriously?) and is even depicted using a Duel Disk when dealing with [[Wes Iseli]].
''For more info, see the [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:YuYu Hakusho|''YuYu Hakusho'']]===

*In [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]], Chris mentions the use of a "Curse Shot", fired in the same way main character [[Wikipedia:List_of_YuYu_Hakusho_characters#Yusuke_Urameshi|Yusuke Urameshi]] would fire his main attack, the Reigun.

===[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|''Macross Frontier'']]===

*Chris's infamous drawing of [[Jiggliami]] was copied from a picture by [[Blanca]], who copied the pose from a popular picture of Ranka Lee, one of the major characters of the series.

==Western animation==

===''[[The Adventures of the American Rabbit]]''===

*Chris ripped many concepts for his [[Love Quest]] and lines from that movie are used in the comics ("I will, thank you father" from the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] is a line uttered by Robert Rabbit).
''For more info, see the [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|''American Dad!'']]===
*Chris has referred to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] as "the Dork of Ages," a phrase taken from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]."

===''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''===

*The ''ATHF'' characters appear in one panel in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], along with Meatwad's old catchphrase, "The bun is in your mind."
*Chris (badly) painted one of his Guitar Hero guitars to look like Meatwad's toy guitar.
''For more info, see the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Beavis and Butt-head]]''===
*Beavis and Butt-head appear in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] in a gag directly stolen from the original cartoon series (although Chris [[Chris and copyright|said "Sorry"]] to Mike Judge).
''For more info, see the [[Beavis and Butt-head#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Darkwing Duck|''Darkwing Duck'']]===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of this series' main character – Darkwing Duck.
*The font Chris uses to write "Darkbind" is traced from the show's logo.
*Upon arriving, Darkbind recites a completely bastardized version of Darkwing Duck's trademark entrance speeches. The main change is that the original speeches were filled with tongue-in-cheek irony, while Chris's version is completely serious and unnecessarily pompous.
*Chris calls Darkbind "D.B.", reminiscent of how Darkwing Duck's sidekick Launchpad McQuack calls him "D.W."
*[[Princess Zelina Rosechu]] may be a partial ripoff of Darkwing Duck's girlfriend Morgana McCawber (though this theory is debatable).

===''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd and Eddy|Ed, Edd and Eddy]]''===

*In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris added a huge wall of [[Random-access humor]], including a joke from the episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]: "Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?", originally said by Ed.
*In the video [[CWCFlyingElephants|"CWC's Flying Elephants"]], Chris bashes his head on his bed like a [[retard]], and quotes another line from Ed: "I'm a woodpecker! Except with dirt!"

===''[[Family Guy]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Chris meets [[Sammy]], who resembles Peter Griffin, who goes through a series of incidents involving a sequence from Filmation's [[Ghostbusters]].
*In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris directly lifts a gag in which a news anchor delivers a serious professional story, then immediately jumps to excited coverage of Spring Break.
*The title of his bizarre rap video, "[[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|iPods Down and Listen Up]]," was lifted from the "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears|Prick Up Your Ears]]" episode, in which the reverend teaching the high school about abstinence starts his performance by telling the kids, "Put your Walkmans down and listen up."
*At the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Marvey Blaziken tells the reader that "inspiration does not have a schedule." On Family Guy, this exact phrase was spoken by New Brian during the episode "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]" before he proceeds to sing about [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|farting]]. Naturally, the phrase referred to New Brian fitting in writing a song (about farting) into his already-busy schedule of helping out the family.
*In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], one of the baby Rosechus is playing the Virgin Mary in a school play, she says "I'm the Virgin Mary, that's my story and I'm sticking to it." This is said by Joe's wife in "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]", where she is doing the exact same thing.
''For more info, see the [[Family Guy#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Futurama|''Futurama'']]===

*The time-travel plot of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] ("Time Hogs") was stolen from the direct-to-DVD movie ''[[Wikipedia:Futurama: Bender's Big Score|Futurama: Bender's Big Score]]'', and this is shamelessly lampshaded by the recolors in the beginning of the episode.

===''[[Ghostbusters]]''===

*Chris's ''Family Guy''-style "skitch" rips off the FALSE and DISHONEST ''Ghostbusters'' created by [[Wikipedia:Filmation|Filmation]].
''For more info, see the [[Ghostbusters#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|''He-Man and the Masters of the Universe'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Beel]] exclaims: "I have the power!" after stealing Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]].

===[[Wikipedia:Home Movies (TV series)|''Home Movies'']]===

*[[Officer Keino]]'s appearance is ripped straight from Coach John McGuirk.
*The end of the [[Giant Penis Comic]] special contains gags from the show.

===''[[Wikipedia:Inspector Gadget|Inspector Gadget]]''===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s nemesis, [[Clawdorf]], is (possibly) based on Inspector Gadget's nemesis Dr. Claw, who was also most of the time seen as a dark silhouette. If it's true, it is especially strange, as Darkbind is based on ''Darkwing Duck'' and the ''Legend of Zelda'', not ''Inspector Gadget''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Muppet Babies|Muppet Babies]]''===

*In [[SonichuBabies|one video]], Chris made a mind-numbing 12-minute video of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[sonee and rosey|sonees and roseys]], though his video lost the major charms the series actually had.

===''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''===
[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation plagiarizes the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show episode [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHDnc19mHv0/ "Sally at School"] word for word.
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|The Powerpuff Girls]]''===
*The other half of [[Blake]]'s origin was stolen from The Powerpuff Girls, as an accidental dose of a foreign chemical gives him his evilness and his [[Niggos|blackness]], just as an accidental dose of "Chemical X" gave the Powerpuff Girls their powers. This is lampshaded poorly on the cover to Black Sonichu's introductory issue, [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], where [[Sonic]] suggests that Chemical "X" could have caused the change, but [[Sonichu]] corrects him: it was cherry cola.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Ren & Stimpy Show|The Ren & Stimpy Show]]''===

*[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]'s Sub-Episode 6, "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari", rips off the ''Ren & Stimpy'' episode "Lair of the Lummox," which Chris even acknowledges (with Ren & Stimpy thinly veiled as "[[Chris_and_copyright|Ben & Stumpy]].")
*At the end of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'s Episode 17, there is an advert for "Knothole", boasted as being from the creators of "Log" - Ren and Stimpy sang a song "advertising" logs.<ref>[http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/r/renandstimpy8231/log286629.html]</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Sealab 2021|''Sealab 2021'']]===

*In the same [[ED]] edit, Chris included a joke from the ''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants": "What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist."

===[[Wikipedia:The Smurfs|''The Smurfs'']]===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] seems to be "inspired" by the character of [http://smurfs.wikia.com/wiki/Wild_Smurf Wild Smurf]. Both live in treehouses. Both swing from vines (although Wild Sonichu's vines swinging comes from ripping off Spider-Man). Both were raised by wild animals. Honestly, the only difference between the two is that Wild Sonichu can actually talk (Wild Smurf communicated in chipmunk sounds more than anything else).

===''[[South Park]]''===

*[[CADD Chef]] is an obvious ripoff of the [[niggo]] [[Wikipedia:Chef (South Park)|Jerome "Chef" McElroy]].
*[[Beel]] has a strong resemblance to ''South Park'''s [[Wikipedia:List of supporting characters on South Park#Satan|Satan]].
''For more info, see the [[South Park#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Space Ghost Coast to Coast|Space Ghost Coast to Coast]]''===

*The chant uttered by the guardian of the cave in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]],"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!", is one of Zorak's chants ("Lombaki Creo Plomo Pleo Zoma Ah Ah!") spelled backwards and mangled. Chris's original attempts to do spells or chants have [[fail]]ed spectacularly, so the stolen chant is one of his better ones.

===[[Wikipedia:The Brak Show|''The Brak Show'']]===

*In the oft-mentioned [[Random-access_humor#Random_ramblings|ED edit]], Chris included three lines from [[Adult_Swim|''The Brak Show'']], all of them from the same episode ("The New Brak"). The episode centers on [[Liquid_Chris|Brak]] dealing with an [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|annoying impostor]] who shamelessly copies everything Brak does - [[Liquid_Chris#Liquid_Saga|sound familiar]]?

===''[[Transformers]]''===

*[[Optimus Prime]] mercilessly killing Decepticon spy [[Sarah Jackson]].
*Various Transformer-types appear in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].
''For more info, see the [[Transformers#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Adult Swim|''Tom Goes To The Mayor'']]===

*Placing the [[Mayor's Office]] inside the mall is either a reference to this or Chris having terrible priorities.

==Live action==

===''[[Gilligan's Island]]''===

*Thurston Howell, III and his wife Lovey make an appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], hinting at the name of the head of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], the infamous [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].
{{incomplete}}

===''[[Monty Python]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*When [[Darkbind Sonichu]] is fighting the [[B-Manajerk]], a word-for-word copy of the "Black Knight" sketch from [[Wikipedia:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'']] is spoken.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Need I say more?
*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: An impromptu "comedic" sequence making "fun" of [[Jimmy Hill]] starts with "And now for something completely different...", contains a collage of photos and drawings reminiscent of Terry Gilliam's artistic experiments, and features a porcupine shouting: "Dinsdale!"

''For more info, see the [[Monty Python#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Spaceballs|''Spaceballs'']]===

*In the [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] fight between [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris-Chan Sonichu gets his tail singed by a fire blast then exclaims, "You burned my tail! Now it's personal!" before going on the offensive. This is very similar to the scene in ''Spaceballs'' where gun-hating Princess Vespa gets her hair singed by a laser in a firefight and exclaims, "You shot my hair! You son of a bitch!" then proceeds to singlehandedly mow down the attacking Spaceballs with a laser rifle.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYgQXWxJfZE#t=7m44s (''Relevant portion from 7:44 to 8:01'')</ref> While the words aren't identical, he reads the lines with the same cadence and inflection as Vespa's in his [[Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8|Official Videobook]] clip.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42EOCbTSJOI#t=8m06s (''Relevant portion from 8:06 to 8:12'')</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (film)|Carrie]]''===

*Chris's "[[The High School Story]]" is an amalgamation of Stephen King's ''Carrie'', and Chris's own [[high school]] experience. Its main character, Terrah, is bullied and underappreciated, so she murders everyone with her psychic powers. It is safe to assume that Chris saw the movie adaptation of ''Carrie'', and not the book, as it is unimaginable that Chris would ever spend his time on a book without illustrations.

===''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers|Power Rangers]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the CWC-Power Rangers are introduced, but never seen with the sole exception of Kart Megazord.
*[[Silvana]]'s basic existence, back story, and partial appearance are the copied directly from a villain ([[wikipedia:Villains_in_Power_Rangers_in_Space#Astronema|Astronema]]), from ''[[wikipedia:Power_Rangers_in_Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris introduces a terrible new song entitled "[[Revive Zordon]]", which displays his wish for the return of the "original" Power Rangers team.

===''[[Wikipedia:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], [[Sonic]] is quoted saying "Eh... you were expecting maybe, Bugs Bunny?" a direct 'reference' to a line said by one of the non-yawning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the third movie. The original line was "Eh... you were expecting maybe, The Addams Family?" It is ironic in this case that of all the lines Chris-Chan could have possibly chosen from the movie, he went ahead to choose one of the most awful, face-palming, gut-wrenchingly bad lines (only second to the even worse line "Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!"), and proceeded to MAKE IT WORSE. Congratulations.

===[[Wikipedia:Saw (franchise)|''Saw'' series]]===

*Louis Perez, appearing in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]], could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated that the ''Saw'' series is one of his favorite movie franchises.<ref>[[Common_Questions#31_December_2009]]</ref> Both characters are [[niggos|black]] policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely.
*The execution of the [[Asperpedia]] crew in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is performed through what equates to elaborate death traps, similar to what is seen in the ''Saw'' series. They certainly have more in common with those movies than with anything resembling actual state-sponsored executions.

===''[[Wikipedia:Independence Day (film)|Independence Day]]''===

*In the [[Christian Love Day video]], he recited a modified version of the speech that President Thomas J. Whitmore makes before making a last stand against the aliens, which shows just how ridiculously corny he can get.

===[[Wikipedia:Lewis Black's Root of All Evil|''Lewis Black's Root of All Evil'']]===

*This Comedy Central show featuring Lewis Black as a judge was ripped off in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where the judge at the trial, named "Slack Lewis," greatly resembles Black.

===''[[The Simpsons]]''===

*The parts of [[Sandy Rosechu]]'s design that were not already cannibalized from [[Simonla]] were copied from [[Wikipedia:Lisa Simpson|Lisa Simpson]].

===''[[Wikipedia:Lethal Weapon 2|Lethal Weapon 2]]''===

*The exploding-toilet death of [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]] was ripped off from the near-death of [[Wikipedia:Roger Murtaugh|Roger Murtaugh]] by exploding toilet in ''Lethal Weapon 2''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars|Star Wars]]''===

*While he hasn't ripped it off directly (yet), he once told [[Jackie]] in [[Jackie e-mails|their e-mail exchanges]] that he essentially planned to make the backstory of [[Wild Sonichu]] a rip-off of the relationship between [[Wikipedia:Luke Skywalker|Luke Skywalker]] and [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] (Vader being Luke's father turned evil, for the few of you living in caves).

===[[Wikipedia:This Is Spinal Tap|''This Is Spinal Tap'']]===

*During the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, the speaker blurts out that the volume is "Cranked up to Eleven." We can only hope that Chris ripped this joke off directly rather than referencing something else referencing ''Spinal Tap''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Terminator 2: Judgment Day]]''===
*Chris's [[Sonichu Special 4|threat on the life of]] [[Liquid Chris]] contains a number of elements from the film:
**The top speed of 65 mph during the escape scene
**The Terminator shooting an enemy in the legs, saying "He'll live."

==Videogames==

===''[[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Banjo-Kazooie]]''===

*[[Flame the Sunbird]] is just a very poor drawing of [[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Kazooie]], who seems to want pants [[Pok%C3%A9mon#Plagiarism_in_Sonichu|for reasons one can only guess]]. Anyone who enjoyed this game can only thank [[Godjesus]] that Chris doesn't seem to realize that Kazooie is a [[China|girl]].
*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]]'s battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] is ripped directly from the final boss fight with Gruntilda. The only differences are that the fireballs are replaced with dark energy and Mary does not fall to her death.

===[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda|''The Legend of Zelda'']]===

{{incomplete}}

*The characters [[Darkbind Sonichu]] and [[Zelina Rosechu]] are rip-offs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Princess Zelda|Zelda]] respectively, the two main characters from the series, alongside being rip-offs of elements from the cartoon series ''Darkwing Duck'', strangely enough.
*The entire subplot about Darkbind and Zelina (involving Zelina being put under a sleeping spell by an [[Clawdorf|evil wizard]]) is taken nearly verbatim from the story of ''[[Wikipedia:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]]'' (where the Link from the first game must awaken the original Zelda from a sleeping spell put on her by - you guessed it, an evil wizard).
*The name "[[RuleCWC]]" is a ripoff of Hyrule.
*In the [[Wallflower E-mails 2|Wallflower E-mails]], Chris claims that Darkbind Sonichu was trained in RuleCWC forest by a "rogue master swordsman" and an owl named King Alistair. These are obvious ripoffs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Characters_in_The_Legend_of_Zelda_series#Kaepora_Gaebora|Kaepora Gaebora]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam|''Mobile Suit Gundam'']]===

*During the [[Megan]] Saga, Chris drew box art for ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'', one of Chris's many fakebox arts for his imaginary games. What's unique about this one is that it involves Megan Schroeder and her brother John. Despite being about Megan, it is not a [[rape]] simulator, but instead believed to be a ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|''Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'']].

===[[Wikipedia:Street Fighter|''Street Fighter'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]] performs a Flash Kick on [[Slaweel]].
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]'s attack "Hyper Beam" looks a lot like [[Wikipedia:Ryu (Street Fighter)|Ryu]] and [[Wikipedia:Ken Masters|Ken]]'s special attack "Hadouken." It appears in [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*In [[Sonichu Special 4]], [[Kacey]]'s father resembles [[Wikipedia:Guile (Street Fighter)|Guile]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mario (series)|''Mario'' series]]===

{{incomplete}}

''Mario'' is a video game series conceived by [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], and has been the mascot of [[Nintendo]] for decades. While [[Sonic]] has fallen into a self-induced pit of horrifying shit, probably never to escape, Mario has stayed consistently good for all this time. Despite this, Chris very much favors Sonic, as he only has a passing interest in Mario. However, he has enough interest to rip it off from time to time.

*The Wing Cap ability from [[Wikipedia:Super Mario 64|''Super Mario 64'']] is ripped off in [[Sonichu 3|Sub-Episode 4]], where Chris flies around with wings on his head. They are later discarded, and Chris is strangely shown flying without them.
*His concept for ''Sonic The Hedgehog 64'', as expressed in his [[Hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine]], is nothing more than ''Super Mario 64'' with [[Sonic]] and [[Tails]]. Literally.

===[[Wikipedia:Brutal Legend|''Brutal Legend'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], during the introduction of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], [[Armoraxe]] uses a move that looks and acts exactly like the Solo "[[nudes|Face Melter]]" from the game. The only difference is that the move is called "Metal Melter."
*The devil [[trolls]] that appear to carry [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]] away after he is defeated by [[Sonichu]] seem to be a rip-off of the fans that appear to carry you off when you are defeated during a stage battle in Brutal Legend. This is confirmed by the [[chris|retarded]] phrase written next to the same panel in the comic, "Hmm, What 'Legend' brought these [[fanbase|fans]]?"
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris using the power of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|music]] and [[son-chu|stage]] to destroy the [[4-Cent Garbage]] building may have been inspired by ''Brutal Legend'''s Stage Battles. Son-Chu ''does'' turns into a giant stage which resembles Ironheade's megastage, but rather than offer a fair fight Chris just Guitar Heroes his opponents into oblivion instantly.
*[[Simonla]] gives [[Wild Sonichu]] her lucky shark's tooth necklace, similar to when Eddie Riggs gives Ophelia his mother's shark tooth-like necklace in ''Brutal Legend''.

===[[Wikipedia:God of War (video game)|''God of War'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. [[Collosal Chan]] pulls out lightning bolt versions of Kratos's Blades to fight [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel]].

===''[[Wikipedia:PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa the Rapper]]''===

*In preparation for the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, [[Sonichu]] puts on PaRappa's hat and becomes as flat and two-dimensional as PaRappa (not to mention his own character), then says PaRappa's catchphrase "I gotta believe!"

==Web original==
===Jessi Slaughter===
*In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris says "The consequences will never be the same," mimicking the famous line "Consequences will never be the same!" from a [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Jessi_Slaughter Jessi Slaughter] video. This shows that Chris has at least some awareness of memes, although how many he knows he has spawned is unknown.

==Western comics==

===''[[Wikipedia:Spider-Man|Spider-Man]]''===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of Spider-Man, a superhero who can shoot long web strings from his hands. He uses these web ropes to swing across the city and entangle his enemies. Also, the scene in the end of Episode 19 ([[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]) is highly reminiscent of the ''Spider-Man'' movie. Similarly, Wild can also climb walls with relative ease, though it's not clear whether he's just a good climber or if he literally clings to walls, as Spider-Man does.

===[[Wikipedia:Hulk (comics)|The Incredible Hulk]]===

*[[Rosechu]]'s bat-shit insane rapist form, now known as [[the Incredible Lioness]], is based off of the Incredible Hulk. While Rosechu didn't turn green (and seeing as she's an [[wikipedia:Abomination_(comics)|abomination]] already, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she's already bathed in gamma radiation), she gets pissed off when [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] launches a [[pickle]] at her and she tears him a new one.

==Songs==

{{incomplete}}

*Everything from the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums are sung over another song; this may be Chris's biggest showing of plagiarism yet, aside from [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]].
*[[Jiggliami]]'s song, "War of Love," is a ripoff of "Love Is War," a [[Wikipedia:Supercell|Supercell]] song using [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Miku Hatsune]] for vocals. While Blanca wrote the ripoff, Chris was more than willing to use it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===[[Wikipedia:Tommy Tutone|Tommy Tutone]]===

*The product number for [[John's Custom Gundam]] is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]].

==List of fiction Chris has referenced and otherwise bastardized==

While Chris's [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] is chock-full of shameless ripoffs and copyright infringements, there are some references to works of fiction which can't be actually considered "ripping off," but manage to ruin the franchise in question nevertheless, for the sole fact of being referenced in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]. These are mostly instances of Chris either including a minor reference to a work of fiction, or just mentioning it, in his comics. While it's not considered a crime ''de jure'', it still may be called a crime against humanity, whose culture Chris has thus bastardized.

''Note that when such minor references concern works or franchises already listed in the main ripoff list above, they're added there, not here. It was done so that it would be easier to see how much has Chris managed to bastardize each franchise.''

*'''[[Wikipedia:Batman|Batman]]:''' [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17|S8 Ep17 p.35]]: Batman's portrait is hanging on the wall of the [[CWCville Mayoral Office]] for some completely mysterious reason.
*'''[[Bugs Bunny]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Episode 6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] says to the startled [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr.Robotnik]]: "Eh... You were expecting, maybe Bugs Bunny?"
:*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: Bugs himself appears in the ''[[Monty Python]]''-esque collage, lecturing the toothless photograph of [[Jimmy Hill]] (who was implied to have sold counterfeit Warner Bros. merchandise in the past) on the evils of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Dig Dug|Dig Dug]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]]: [[Simonla]]'s screen name is "DigDugette416".
:*Later, on [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Layla]] jokes that Simonla only needs a pump to "fully dig the dug," whatever that means.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Fight Club (film)|''Fight Club'']] and [[Wikipedia:Chuck Palahniuk|Chuck Palahniuk]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Hanna]] tells Chris that she likes reading books by "Chuck Pala[[duck]]" [sic], who is also (according to Chris's footnote) "[[Fail|the director]] of the movie "Fight Club" (well, maybe he believes that [[Wikipedia:David Fincher|David Fincher]] is just Chuck's alternate personality?)... Yes, "Chuck Pala'''[[duck]]'''".
:*If Chris has actually seen the movie, it may be the influence behind [[30 August 2009|"Christopher"]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Grand Theft Auto|''Grand Theft Auto'']]:''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] orders: "[[Beel]]! Prepare for Grand Theft [[Medallion of Fail|Medal]]!"
*'''''[[Guitar Hero]]'':'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'':''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: For no reason at all, Sackboy appears at the bottom of the page and recites an anti-pirate advertisement for "LittleBigPlanet" and Chris's [[LittleBigPlanet videos#Sonichu Episode 1 LittleBIGPlanet Level|Level of Fail]].
*'''[[R.L. Stine]]:'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[Sprung]]'':''' [[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Chris is shown playing ''Sprung'' on his [[Nintendo]] DS for dating tips before going on a date with [[Hanna]]. He reads the infamous "So, do angels have names?" compliment and notes that it "sounds right."
*'''[[wikipedia:Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde|''Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde'':]]''' [[Magical Man Potion]]: Chris drinks a [[Semen|magical concoction]] and transforms into an entirely different [[troll|being]], before reverting to his own self. Due to the fact that the transformation is "from [[Chris|bumbling]] to [[Liquid Chris|suave]]" rather than "from [[Chris and religion|moral]] to [[Death threats|cruel]]", as well as the extreme unlikelihood of him knowing classical Scottish literature, he probably stole the concept from [[wikipedia:The Nutty Professor|The Nutty Professor]], a derivative work of Jekyll and Hyde.
*'''[[Wikipedia:B-Daman|B-Daman]]:''' [[Sonichu 1#Episode6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Sonic curls up into a ball and enters a pocket of whatever in Sonichu's stomach, upon which Sonichu fires him out at Metal Sonichu which also is the form of a ball. At first, this looks like a reference to balls, but upon closer inspection, it seems to be a ripoff of the Japanese Anime and Toy series B-Daman, which involves small cute robot-like characters firing balls out of their stomachs at other balls.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|''Star Trek'']]:''' Both within the comics and in his real life presentations, he uses the phrase "[[Captain's Log]]" a reference to the opening of most ''Star Trek'' episodes and movies. He's never seen anything of the franchise, not even the new movie most likely, but he felt the need to rip it off anyway. That's Chris for you.

==The tl;dr Version==

At this point, it's almost easier to list the beloved franchises Chris ''hasn't'' ruined.

==References==
<references />

==See also:==

*[[Chris and copyright]]
*[[List of phrases Chris copied from media]]

[[Category:Articles needing improvement]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Things Chris has ripped off

2010-11-25T01:12:51Z

Tadahima: /* Dragonball/Z/GT */

'''''Attention! This page is under construction! What you see now is a preview of the things to come. You are free to add anything you think is relevant, it will be taken into consideration when the revamping will be finished. For discussion, critique and more info, please see the [[Talk:Things Chris has ripped off|talk page]]. Thank you.'''''

{{Quote|I take it one moment at a time and let the story pieces come to me. Even if they are sometimes borrowed from a tv show or movie.|Chris, [[Mailbag 4#Admission of plagiarism|blatantly admitting to plagiarism]].}}

[[Image:090-CWComicalHug.jpg|thumb|ORIGINAL!]]
[[Image:191-sealSchu.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST Seal of Originality]]

As every [[Chris-chan]] [[troll|fan]] is probably aware of, our autistic hero has quite the imagination. But some argue that due to [[stress]] and the mental block that is [[autism]], his powerful and mighty artistic ordeals cannot come to fruition. So he just does what every good TV/book/movie writer does: he goes and steals an enormous amount of shit from other places.

To his credit, plagiarizing isn't easy. After all, how does you grab something that comes from another person's mind, adapt it to your own storyline and make it so that it fits in, without having whatever it is that you stole stand out like an obese retard with a red and blue striped shirt in the middle of a crowd? Being the [[Honor roll|geinus]] comic book creator that he is, he feels that he doesn't need to bother with details such as a good plot, readability, or even consistency. Just stick in a few [[random-access humor|random-access-humor]] jokes and you got yourselves a new installment in the "[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' Comic Book Series]]." Not resembling ''[[Family Guy]]'' at all, right?

According to Chris, stealing [[copyright]]ed material is fine, as long as you indicate that whatever it is you’re doing is a "[[parody]]" of the original material. In accordance to U.S. copyright law, this is technically true, so this probably means that, unless he decides to make money out of his "artwork," he isn't going to have the law knocking on his door. Besides, we all know he's never going to sell any type of merchandise ever, or even [[Monthly tugboat|make a hard earned buck]] for that matter.

Onward with the list of shit he's stolen:

==Main influences==

===Sonic the Hedgehog===

*His pride and glory "[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]," which, as we all know, is a recolor of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] with [[Pikachu]]'s tail and ears. In his comic book debut he is created when the "[[Perfect Chaos Monster]]" attacks [[CWCville]], which, by the way, is a direct ripoff of the end of ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''.
*His other pride and glory “[[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]” is just [[Amy Rose]] with a Raichu tail.
*Of course, Sonichu’s evil twin brother [[Blake]] (Black Sonichu, Blachu) also comes from the same line of original creativity Chris has got us accustomed to. This [[niggos|darkie]] version of Sonichu is a complete ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow the Hedgehog]].
*The "[[Chaotic Combo]]" is a mesh of ''Sonic'' characters recolored with retarded deformities, and their name is a copy of the [[Wikipedia:List of Sonic the Hedgehog video game characters#Chaotix|Chaotix]]. Like [[Angelica]] being a white hedgehog that has wings, or [[Punchy Sonichu]] being an Oriental version of [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]].
''For more info, see the [[Sonic the Hedgehog#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===Pokémon===

*Like the previously mentioned Sonichu and Rosechu characters ripping off Sonic the Hedgehog, they also rip off various [[Pokémon]], mostly Pikachu and Raichu, combined with other Pokémon.
*The character [[Jiggliami]] is a humanoid variation of a Jigglypuff.
*The so-called [[Sonichu Balls]] are designed like various Poké Balls, though they also function like other items.
*[[Sonees]] are also slightly edited Pichu, with a bit of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Chao]] mixed in.
*Moves. As if ripping off their looks weren't enough, Chris also rips off their attacks such as "thunder bolt" or "sky uppercut".
*Many of the cards on Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|Wall of Originals]] are obviously based on character concepts or illustrations from the Pokémon games. (Christian's Maychu, to use one example, imitates the official illustration of the Pokémon Hitmonlee.)

''For more info, see the [[Pokémon#Plagiarism in Sonichu|main article]].''

==Anime==

===''[[Wikipedia:Digimon|Digimon]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*[[Silvana|Silvana's]] origin is very similar to [[Wikipedia:Gatomon|Gatomon]]'s, as both were long separated from their kind and raised by evil villains who made them into their minions. The only difference being that Silvana was given a [[Pickle|penis]].
*[[Ultra Sonichu]]'s Chaotic Remedy is a blatant copy of [[Wikipedia:Patamon#MagnaAngemon|MagnaAngemon's Magna Antidote]] attack.

===[[Wikipedia:Dragon Ball#Anime_series|Dragonball/Z/GT]]===
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]'s famed attack, the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] (later Shin-ye-ha-me-ha), is based on the famed Kamehameha attack.
*The [[Sonichu Balls]], though resembling Poké Balls, seem to function more like the titular Dragonballs, as they are able to grant a wish when all are brought together.
*Ultra Sonichu shares an amazing resemblance to Super Saiyan warriors by flying sky high and kicking ass and all.
*[[Collosal Chan]] is obviously Super Saiyan 4 from ''Dragonball GT''.
*[[Mypoe]] ripped off [[Punchy]]'s tail because it was a "weak spot"; the same "weak spot" exists for Saiyans (unless said tail has been removed).

===''[[Excel Saga]]''===

*A veritable hellstorm of shameless rips from this series appears in the ''Sonichu'' comics, in a way nearly as pervasive as Pokémon and Sonic the Hedgehog, yet comparatively subtler because he steals one-liners and monologues more than characters or storylines.
*...although he does indeed steal characters (like Mypoe and Nabeshin and [[Bagget|the Jerkop Daitenzen]]) from time to time.
*It is also possible that Chris stole the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] from the parody "Nabehameha" from ''Excel Saga'' (which was essentially a Kamehameha attack, except shaped like an afro).

''For more info, see the [[Excel Saga#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|''Gurren Lagann'']]===

*The character of [[Simonla Rosechu]] is a ripoff of a "fanmade" Sonichu named [[Simonchu]] who, in turn, is ripped off from the main character of the series, Simon the Digger.
*It should be noted that Chris has probably never seen ''Gurren Lagann'', and as such misinterpreted several aspects of Simonchu's design that were intended to be referential to Simon: his cape became Simonla's shell, and his Core Drill pendant became a shark's tooth necklace.
*When Chris was forced to kill off Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he promptly created [[Sandy Rosechu]], Simonla's daughter. She is essentially exactly the same design-wise, except she is yellow and has a different hairstyle.

===[[Wikipedia:InuYasha|''InuYasha'']]===
*In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], [[Saramah Rosechu]] pins [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] to a tree, Wes making the statement "Where did this non-sacred tree come from?" This is a "hilarious gag" referring to InuYasha's origin story, wherein he was pinned by an arrow to a cursed tree by priestess/crack shot/vengeful ex-girlfriend [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Kikyo|Kikyo]]. Also, with some imagination and enough [[alcohol]], one can see that a cloud in the background in one of the panels is shaped vaguely like InuYasha's head.
*Chris also has a [[Marvey Blaziken|Blaziken]] in his Pokémon team named "Inu Yasha", which was only revealed on the [[CWCipedia]]. It's likely that this is the same Blaziken seen training with Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], though he is not identified by name in that comic.

===[[Wikipedia:Pretty Cure|''Pretty Cure'']]===

{{quote|"This is so "Pretty Cure"! I'M BACK!"|[[Chris-chan Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]}}

*''Pretty Cure'', unlike [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], is a true [[parody]] that purposefully spoofs the ridiculous costumes, magical schoolgirls, and attack names of other anime series. The [[Chrs-Chan_Pure_Pulse-Jolt_Lance|Chrs-Chan [sic] Pure Pulse Jolt Lance]] (the attack that [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] are able to perform with their combined Hedgehog powers) is stolen from this series, and even though its original counterpart was given a ridiculous name, Chris felt the need to make it sound like some idiot had just mashed some random words into an attack name for his own version. ''Oh wait...''

*Also noteworthy is that Chris copied (and butchered) the pre-attack catch phases and attack poses. Most of these rip-offs occur in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] and [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]].

===''[[Sailor Moon]]''===
*[[Sailor Megtune]], Chris's hideously inappropriate SI Mary Sue for [[Megan]], is based off the various heroines from the series, though the name is based on [[Wikipedia:Sailor Neptune|Sailor Neptune]].
*The [[Dark Mirror Hole]] may be a reference to a number of related ''Sailor Moon'' places/items, including the Black Dream Hole of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie|''Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie'']], and a mirror-like item from a few episodes of ''Sailor Moon Super Stars'' and the majority of ''Sailor Moon Super S''.
''For more info, see the [[Sailor Moon#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]===

*In the aforementioned [[random-access humor]] [[ED]] edit, Chris quoted a joke from the US-dubbed version of SPC: "Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED".
*He created the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], which is a ripoff of both ''Samurai Pizza Cats'' and [[Transformers]]. They make several appearances in the comic to help [[Sonichu]] battle the [[Jerkops]].

===''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''===

*[[Sarah Hammer]]'s husband-to-be is depicted as [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jack's_Knight Jack's Knight], a ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' monster, because Chris had no idea what the groom looked like and didn't bother to check. Way to go!
*Chris tends to use various ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' terms during his battles ("Trap cards"? Seriously?) and is even depicted using a Duel Disk when dealing with [[Wes Iseli]].
''For more info, see the [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:YuYu Hakusho|''YuYu Hakusho'']]===

*In [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]], Chris mentions the use of a "Curse Shot", fired in the same way main character [[Wikipedia:List_of_YuYu_Hakusho_characters#Yusuke_Urameshi|Yusuke Urameshi]] would fire his main attack, the Reigun.

===[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|''Macross Frontier'']]===

*Chris's infamous drawing of [[Jiggliami]] was copied from a picture by [[Blanca]], who copied the pose from a popular picture of Ranka Lee, one of the major characters of the series.

==Western animation==

===''[[The Adventures of the American Rabbit]]''===

*Chris ripped many concepts for his [[Love Quest]] and lines from that movie are used in the comics ("I will, thank you father" from the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] is a line uttered by Robert Rabbit).
''For more info, see the [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|''American Dad!'']]===
*Chris has referred to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] as "the Dork of Ages," a phrase taken from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]."

===''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''===

*The ''ATHF'' characters appear in one panel in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], along with Meatwad's old catchphrase, "The bun is in your mind."
*Chris (badly) painted one of his Guitar Hero guitars to look like Meatwad's toy guitar.
''For more info, see the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Beavis and Butt-head]]''===
*Beavis and Butt-head appear in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] in a gag directly stolen from the original cartoon series (although Chris [[Chris and copyright|said "Sorry"]] to Mike Judge).
''For more info, see the [[Beavis and Butt-head#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Darkwing Duck|''Darkwing Duck'']]===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of this series' main character – Darkwing Duck.
*The font Chris uses to write "Darkbind" is traced from the show's logo.
*Upon arriving, Darkbind recites a completely bastardized version of Darkwing Duck's trademark entrance speeches. The main change is that the original speeches were filled with tongue-in-cheek irony, while Chris's version is completely serious and unnecessarily pompous.
*Chris calls Darkbind "D.B.", reminiscent of how Darkwing Duck's sidekick Launchpad McQuack calls him "D.W."
*[[Princess Zelina Rosechu]] may be a partial ripoff of Darkwing Duck's girlfriend Morgana McCawber (though this theory is debatable).

===''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd and Eddy|Ed, Edd and Eddy]]''===

*In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris added a huge wall of [[Random-access humor]], including a joke from the episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]: "Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?", originally said by Ed.
*In the video [[CWCFlyingElephants|"CWC's Flying Elephants"]], Chris bashes his head on his bed like a [[retard]], and quotes another line from Ed: "I'm a woodpecker! Except with dirt!"

===''[[Family Guy]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Chris meets [[Sammy]], who resembles Peter Griffin, who goes through a series of incidents involving a sequence from Filmation's [[Ghostbusters]].
*In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris directly lifts a gag in which a news anchor delivers a serious professional story, then immediately jumps to excited coverage of Spring Break.
*The title of his bizarre rap video, "[[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|iPods Down and Listen Up]]," was lifted from the "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears|Prick Up Your Ears]]" episode, in which the reverend teaching the high school about abstinence starts his performance by telling the kids, "Put your Walkmans down and listen up."
*At the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Marvey Blaziken tells the reader that "inspiration does not have a schedule." On Family Guy, this exact phrase was spoken by New Brian during the episode "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]" before he proceeds to sing about [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|farting]]. Naturally, the phrase referred to New Brian fitting in writing a song (about farting) into his already-busy schedule of helping out the family.
*In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], one of the baby Rosechus is playing the Virgin Mary in a school play, she says "I'm the Virgin Mary, that's my story and I'm sticking to it." This is said by Joe's wife in "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]", where she is doing the exact same thing.
''For more info, see the [[Family Guy#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Futurama|''Futurama'']]===

*The time-travel plot of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] ("Time Hogs") was stolen from the direct-to-DVD movie ''[[Wikipedia:Futurama: Bender's Big Score|Futurama: Bender's Big Score]]'', and this is shamelessly lampshaded by the recolors in the beginning of the episode.

===''[[Ghostbusters]]''===

*Chris's ''Family Guy''-style "skitch" rips off the FALSE and DISHONEST ''Ghostbusters'' created by [[Wikipedia:Filmation|Filmation]].
''For more info, see the [[Ghostbusters#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|''He-Man and the Masters of the Universe'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Beel]] exclaims: "I have the power!" after stealing Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]].

===[[Wikipedia:Home Movies (TV series)|''Home Movies'']]===

*[[Officer Keino]]'s appearance is ripped straight from Coach John McGuirk.
*The end of the [[Giant Penis Comic]] special contains gags from the show.

===''[[Wikipedia:Inspector Gadget|Inspector Gadget]]''===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s nemesis, [[Clawdorf]], is (possibly) based on Inspector Gadget's nemesis Dr. Claw, who was also most of the time seen as a dark silhouette. If it's true, it is especially strange, as Darkbind is based on ''Darkwing Duck'' and the ''Legend of Zelda'', not ''Inspector Gadget''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Muppet Babies|Muppet Babies]]''===

*In [[SonichuBabies|one video]], Chris made a mind-numbing 12-minute video of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[sonee and rosey|sonees and roseys]], though his video lost the major charms the series actually had.

===''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''===
[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation plagiarizes the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show episode [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHDnc19mHv0/ "Sally at School"] word for word.
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|The Powerpuff Girls]]''===
*The other half of [[Blake]]'s origin was stolen from The Powerpuff Girls, as an accidental dose of a foreign chemical gives him his evilness and his [[Niggos|blackness]], just as an accidental dose of "Chemical X" gave the Powerpuff Girls their powers. This is lampshaded poorly on the cover to Black Sonichu's introductory issue, [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], where [[Sonic]] suggests that Chemical "X" could have caused the change, but [[Sonichu]] corrects him: it was cherry cola.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Ren & Stimpy Show|The Ren & Stimpy Show]]''===

*[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]'s Sub-Episode 6, "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari", rips off the ''Ren & Stimpy'' episode "Lair of the Lummox," which Chris even acknowledges (with Ren & Stimpy thinly veiled as "[[Chris_and_copyright|Ben & Stumpy]].")
*At the end of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'s Episode 17, there is an advert for "Knothole", boasted as being from the creators of "Log" - Ren and Stimpy sang a song "advertising" logs.<ref>[http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/r/renandstimpy8231/log286629.html]</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Sealab 2021|''Sealab 2021'']]===

*In the same [[ED]] edit, Chris included a joke from the ''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants": "What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist."

===[[Wikipedia:The Smurfs|''The Smurfs'']]===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] seems to be "inspired" by the character of [http://smurfs.wikia.com/wiki/Wild_Smurf Wild Smurf]. Both live in treehouses. Both swing from vines (although Wild Sonichu's vines swinging comes from ripping off Spider-Man). Both were raised by wild animals. Honestly, the only difference between the two is that Wild Sonichu can actually talk (Wild Smurf communicated in chipmunk sounds more than anything else).

===''[[South Park]]''===

*[[CADD Chef]] is an obvious ripoff of the [[niggo]] [[Wikipedia:Chef (South Park)|Jerome "Chef" McElroy]].
*[[Beel]] has a strong resemblance to ''South Park'''s [[Wikipedia:List of supporting characters on South Park#Satan|Satan]].
''For more info, see the [[South Park#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Space Ghost Coast to Coast|Space Ghost Coast to Coast]]''===

*The chant uttered by the guardian of the cave in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]],"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!", is one of Zorak's chants ("Lombaki Creo Plomo Pleo Zoma Ah Ah!") spelled backwards and mangled. Chris's original attempts to do spells or chants have [[fail]]ed spectacularly, so the stolen chant is one of his better ones.

===[[Wikipedia:The Brak Show|''The Brak Show'']]===

*In the oft-mentioned [[Random-access_humor#Random_ramblings|ED edit]], Chris included three lines from [[Adult_Swim|''The Brak Show'']], all of them from the same episode ("The New Brak"). The episode centers on [[Liquid_Chris|Brak]] dealing with an [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|annoying impostor]] who shamelessly copies everything Brak does - [[Liquid_Chris#Liquid_Saga|sound familiar]]?

===''[[Transformers]]''===

*[[Optimus Prime]] mercilessly killing Decepticon spy [[Sarah Jackson]].
*Various Transformer-types appear in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].
''For more info, see the [[Transformers#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Adult Swim|''Tom Goes To The Mayor'']]===

*Placing the [[Mayor's Office]] inside the mall is either a reference to this or Chris having terrible priorities.

==Live action==

===''[[Gilligan's Island]]''===

*Thurston Howell, III and his wife Lovey make an appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], hinting at the name of the head of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], the infamous [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].
{{incomplete}}

===''[[Monty Python]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*When [[Darkbind Sonichu]] is fighting the [[B-Manajerk]], a word-for-word copy of the "Black Knight" sketch from [[Wikipedia:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'']] is spoken.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Need I say more?
*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: An impromptu "comedic" sequence making "fun" of [[Jimmy Hill]] starts with "And now for something completely different...", contains a collage of photos and drawings reminiscent of Terry Gilliam's artistic experiments, and features a porcupine shouting: "Dinsdale!"

''For more info, see the [[Monty Python#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Spaceballs|''Spaceballs'']]===

*In the [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] fight between [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris-Chan Sonichu gets his tail singed by a fire blast then exclaims, "You burned my tail! Now it's personal!" before going on the offensive. This is very similar to the scene in ''Spaceballs'' where gun-hating Princess Vespa gets her hair singed by a laser in a firefight and exclaims, "You shot my hair! You son of a bitch!" then proceeds to singlehandedly mow down the attacking Spaceballs with a laser rifle.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYgQXWxJfZE#t=7m44s (''Relevant portion from 7:44 to 8:01'')</ref> While the words aren't identical, he reads the lines with the same cadence and inflection as Vespa's in his [[Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8|Official Videobook]] clip.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42EOCbTSJOI#t=8m06s (''Relevant portion from 8:06 to 8:12'')</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (film)|Carrie]]''===

*Chris's "[[The High School Story]]" is an amalgamation of Stephen King's ''Carrie'', and Chris's own [[high school]] experience. Its main character, Terrah, is bullied and underappreciated, so she murders everyone with her psychic powers. It is safe to assume that Chris saw the movie adaptation of ''Carrie'', and not the book, as it is unimaginable that Chris would ever spend his time on a book without illustrations.

===''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers|Power Rangers]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the CWC-Power Rangers are introduced, but never seen with the sole exception of Kart Megazord.
*[[Silvana]]'s basic existence, back story, and partial appearance are the copied directly from a villain ([[wikipedia:Villains_in_Power_Rangers_in_Space#Astronema|Astronema]]), from ''[[wikipedia:Power_Rangers_in_Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris introduces a terrible new song entitled "[[Revive Zordon]]", which displays his wish for the return of the "original" Power Rangers team.

===''[[Wikipedia:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], [[Sonic]] is quoted saying "Eh... you were expecting maybe, Bugs Bunny?" a direct 'reference' to a line said by one of the non-yawning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the third movie. The original line was "Eh... you were expecting maybe, The Addams Family?" It is ironic in this case that of all the lines Chris-Chan could have possibly chosen from the movie, he went ahead to choose one of the most awful, face-palming, gut-wrenchingly bad lines (only second to the even worse line "Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!"), and proceeded to MAKE IT WORSE. Congratulations.

===[[Wikipedia:Saw (franchise)|''Saw'' series]]===

*Louis Perez, appearing in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]], could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated that the ''Saw'' series is one of his favorite movie franchises.<ref>[[Common_Questions#31_December_2009]]</ref> Both characters are [[niggos|black]] policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely.
*The execution of the [[Asperpedia]] crew in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is performed through what equates to elaborate death traps, similar to what is seen in the ''Saw'' series. They certainly have more in common with those movies than with anything resembling actual state-sponsored executions.

===''[[Wikipedia:Independence Day (film)|Independence Day]]''===

*In the [[Christian Love Day video]], he recited a modified version of the speech that President Thomas J. Whitmore makes before making a last stand against the aliens, which shows just how ridiculously corny he can get.

===[[Wikipedia:Lewis Black's Root of All Evil|''Lewis Black's Root of All Evil'']]===

*This Comedy Central show featuring Lewis Black as a judge was ripped off in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where the judge at the trial, named "Slack Lewis," greatly resembles Black.

===''[[The Simpsons]]''===

*The parts of [[Sandy Rosechu]]'s design that were not already cannibalized from [[Simonla]] were copied from [[Wikipedia:Lisa Simpson|Lisa Simpson]].

===''[[Wikipedia:Lethal Weapon 2|Lethal Weapon 2]]''===

*The exploding-toilet death of [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]] was ripped off from the near-death of [[Wikipedia:Roger Murtaugh|Roger Murtaugh]] by exploding toilet in ''Lethal Weapon 2''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Star Wars|Star Wars]]''===

*While he hasn't ripped it off directly (yet), he once told [[Jackie]] in [[Jackie e-mails|their e-mail exchanges]] that he essentially planned to make the backstory of [[Wild Sonichu]] a rip-off of the relationship between [[Wikipedia:Luke Skywalker|Luke Skywalker]] and [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] (Vader being Luke's father turned evil, for the few of you living in caves).

===[[Wikipedia:This Is Spinal Tap|''This Is Spinal Tap'']]===

*During the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, the speaker blurts out that the volume is "Cranked up to Eleven." We can only hope that Chris ripped this joke off directly rather than referencing something else referencing ''Spinal Tap''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Terminator 2: Judgment Day]]''===
*Chris's [[Sonichu Special 4|threat on the life of]] [[Liquid Chris]] contains a number of elements from the film:
**The top speed of 65 mph during the escape scene
**The Terminator shooting an enemy in the legs, saying "He'll live."

==Videogames==

===''[[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Banjo-Kazooie]]''===

*[[Flame the Sunbird]] is just a very poor drawing of [[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Kazooie]], who seems to want pants [[Pok%C3%A9mon#Plagiarism_in_Sonichu|for reasons one can only guess]]. Anyone who enjoyed this game can only thank [[Godjesus]] that Chris doesn't seem to realize that Kazooie is a [[China|girl]].
*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]]'s battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] is ripped directly from the final boss fight with Gruntilda. The only differences are that the fireballs are replaced with dark energy and Mary does not fall to her death.

===[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda|''The Legend of Zelda'']]===

{{incomplete}}

*The characters [[Darkbind Sonichu]] and [[Zelina Rosechu]] are rip-offs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Princess Zelda|Zelda]] respectively, the two main characters from the series, alongside being rip-offs of elements from the cartoon series ''Darkwing Duck'', strangely enough.
*The entire subplot about Darkbind and Zelina (involving Zelina being put under a sleeping spell by an [[Clawdorf|evil wizard]]) is taken nearly verbatim from the story of ''[[Wikipedia:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]]'' (where the Link from the first game must awaken the original Zelda from a sleeping spell put on her by - you guessed it, an evil wizard).
*The name "[[RuleCWC]]" is a ripoff of Hyrule.
*In the [[Wallflower E-mails 2|Wallflower E-mails]], Chris claims that Darkbind Sonichu was trained in RuleCWC forest by a "rogue master swordsman" and an owl named King Alistair. These are obvious ripoffs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Characters_in_The_Legend_of_Zelda_series#Kaepora_Gaebora|Kaepora Gaebora]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam|''Mobile Suit Gundam'']]===

*During the [[Megan]] Saga, Chris drew box art for ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'', one of Chris's many fakebox arts for his imaginary games. What's unique about this one is that it involves Megan Schroeder and her brother John. Despite being about Megan, it is not a [[rape]] simulator, but instead believed to be a ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|''Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'']].

===[[Wikipedia:Street Fighter|''Street Fighter'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]] performs a Flash Kick on [[Slaweel]].
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]'s attack "Hyper Beam" looks a lot like [[Wikipedia:Ryu (Street Fighter)|Ryu]] and [[Wikipedia:Ken Masters|Ken]]'s special attack "Hadouken." It appears in [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*In [[Sonichu Special 4]], [[Kacey]]'s father resembles [[Wikipedia:Guile (Street Fighter)|Guile]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mario (series)|''Mario'' series]]===

{{incomplete}}

''Mario'' is a video game series conceived by [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], and has been the mascot of [[Nintendo]] for decades. While [[Sonic]] has fallen into a self-induced pit of horrifying shit, probably never to escape, Mario has stayed consistently good for all this time. Despite this, Chris very much favors Sonic, as he only has a passing interest in Mario. Perhaps it's the lack of furry material to [[mass debate]] to, the complex level design and puzzles or just the fact that at one time, Mario was the rival of Sonic, probably leaving Chris with some autistic grudge against the series. However, he has enough interest to rip it off from time to time.

*The Wing Cap ability from [[Wikipedia:Super Mario 64|''Super Mario 64'']] is ripped off in [[Sonichu 3|Sub-Episode 4]], where Chris flies around with wings on his head. They are later discarded, and Chris is strangely shown flying without them.
*His concept for ''Sonic The Hedgehog 64'', as expressed in his [[Hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine]], is nothing more than ''Super Mario 64'' with [[Sonic]] and [[Tails]]. Literally.

===[[Wikipedia:Brutal Legend|''Brutal Legend'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], during the introduction of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], [[Armoraxe]] uses a move that looks and acts exactly like the Solo "[[nudes|Face Melter]]" from the game. The only difference is that the move is called "Metal Melter."
*The devil [[trolls]] that appear to carry [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]] away after he is defeated by [[Sonichu]] seem to be a rip-off of the fans that appear to carry you off when you are defeated during a stage battle in Brutal Legend. This is confirmed by the [[chris|retarded]] phrase written next to the same panel in the comic, "Hmm, What 'Legend' brought these [[fanbase|fans]]?"
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris using the power of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|music]] and [[son-chu|stage]] to destroy the [[4-Cent Garbage]] building may have been inspired by ''Brutal Legend'''s Stage Battles. Son-Chu ''does'' turns into a giant stage which resembles Ironheade's megastage, but rather than offer a fair fight Chris just Guitar Heroes his opponents into oblivion instantly.
*[[Simonla]] gives [[Wild Sonichu]] her lucky shark's tooth necklace, similar to when Eddie Riggs gives Ophelia his mother's shark tooth-like necklace in ''Brutal Legend''.

===[[Wikipedia:God of War (video game)|''God of War'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. [[Collosal Chan]] pulls out lightning bolt versions of Kratos's Blades to fight [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel]].

===''[[Wikipedia:PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa the Rapper]]''===

*In preparation for the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, [[Sonichu]] puts on PaRappa's hat and becomes as flat and two-dimensional as PaRappa (not to mention his own character), then says PaRappa's catchphrase "I gotta believe!"

==Web original==
===Jessi Slaughter===
*In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris says "The consequences will never be the same," mimicking the famous line "Consequences will never be the same!" from a [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Jessi_Slaughter Jessi Slaughter] video. This shows that Chris has at least some awareness of memes, although how many he knows he has spawned is unknown.

==Western comics==

===''[[Wikipedia:Spider-Man|Spider-Man]]''===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of Spider-Man, a superhero who can shoot long web strings from his hands. He uses these web ropes to swing across the city and entangle his enemies. Also, the scene in the end of Episode 19 ([[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]) is highly reminiscent of the ''Spider-Man'' movie. Similarly, Wild can also climb walls with relative ease, though it's not clear whether he's just a good climber or if he literally clings to walls, as Spider-Man does.

===[[Wikipedia:Hulk (comics)|The Incredible Hulk]]===

*[[Rosechu]]'s bat-shit insane rapist form, now known as [[the Incredible Lioness]], is based off of the Incredible Hulk. While Rosechu didn't turn green (and seeing as she's an [[wikipedia:Abomination_(comics)|abomination]] already, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she's already bathed in gamma radiation), she gets pissed off when [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] launches a [[pickle]] at her and she tears him a new one.

==Songs==

{{incomplete}}

*Everything from the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums are sung over another song; this may be Chris's biggest showing of plagiarism yet, aside from [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]].
*[[Jiggliami]]'s song, "War of Love," is a ripoff of "Love Is War," a [[Wikipedia:Supercell|Supercell]] song using [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Miku Hatsune]] for vocals. While Blanca wrote the ripoff, Chris was more than willing to use it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===[[Wikipedia:Tommy Tutone|Tommy Tutone]]===

*The product number for [[John's Custom Gundam]] is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]].

==List of fiction Chris has referenced and otherwise bastardized==

While Chris's [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] is chock-full of shameless ripoffs and copyright infringements, there are some references to works of fiction which can't be actually considered "ripping off," but manage to ruin the franchise in question nevertheless, for the sole fact of being referenced in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]. These are mostly instances of Chris either including a minor reference to a work of fiction, or just mentioning it, in his comics. While it's not considered a crime ''de jure'', it still may be called a crime against humanity, whose culture Chris has thus bastardized.

''Note that when such minor references concern works or franchises already listed in the main ripoff list above, they're added there, not here. It was done so that it would be easier to see how much has Chris managed to bastardize each franchise.''

*'''[[Wikipedia:Batman|Batman]]:''' [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17|S8 Ep17 p.35]]: Batman's portrait is hanging on the wall of the [[CWCville Mayoral Office]] for some completely mysterious reason.
*'''[[Bugs Bunny]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Episode 6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] says to the startled [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr.Robotnik]]: "Eh... You were expecting, maybe Bugs Bunny?"
:*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: Bugs himself appears in the ''[[Monty Python]]''-esque collage, lecturing the toothless photograph of [[Jimmy Hill]] (who was implied to have sold counterfeit Warner Bros. merchandise in the past) on the evils of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Dig Dug|Dig Dug]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]]: [[Simonla]]'s screen name is "DigDugette416".
:*Later, on [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Layla]] jokes that Simonla only needs a pump to "fully dig the dug," whatever that means.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Fight Club (film)|''Fight Club'']] and [[Wikipedia:Chuck Palahniuk|Chuck Palahniuk]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Hanna]] tells Chris that she likes reading books by "Chuck Pala[[duck]]" [sic], who is also (according to Chris's footnote) "[[Fail|the director]] of the movie "Fight Club" (well, maybe he believes that [[Wikipedia:David Fincher|David Fincher]] is just Chuck's alternate personality?)... Yes, "Chuck Pala'''[[duck]]'''".
:*If Chris has actually seen the movie, it may be the influence behind [[30 August 2009|"Christopher"]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Grand Theft Auto|''Grand Theft Auto'']]:''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] orders: "[[Beel]]! Prepare for Grand Theft [[Medallion of Fail|Medal]]!"
*'''''[[Guitar Hero]]'':'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'':''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: For no reason at all, Sackboy appears at the bottom of the page and recites an anti-pirate advertisement for "LittleBigPlanet" and Chris's [[LittleBigPlanet videos#Sonichu Episode 1 LittleBIGPlanet Level|Level of Fail]].
*'''[[R.L. Stine]]:'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[Sprung]]'':''' [[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Chris is shown playing ''Sprung'' on his [[Nintendo]] DS for dating tips before going on a date with [[Hanna]]. He reads the infamous "So, do angels have names?" compliment and notes that it "sounds right."
*'''[[wikipedia:Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde|''Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde'':]]''' [[Magical Man Potion]]: Chris drinks a [[Semen|magical concoction]] and transforms into an entirely different [[troll|being]], before reverting to his own self. Due to the fact that the transformation is "from [[Chris|bumbling]] to [[Liquid Chris|suave]]" rather than "from [[Chris and religion|moral]] to [[Death threats|cruel]]", as well as the extreme unlikelihood of him knowing classical Scottish literature, he probably stole the concept from [[wikipedia:The Nutty Professor|The Nutty Professor]], a derivative work of Jekyll and Hyde.
*'''[[Wikipedia:B-Daman|B-Daman]]:''' [[Sonichu 1#Episode6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Sonic curls up into a ball and enters a pocket of whatever in Sonichu's stomach, upon which Sonichu fires him out at Metal Sonichu which also is the form of a ball. At first, this looks like a reference to balls, but upon closer inspection, it seems to be a ripoff of the Japanese Anime and Toy series B-Daman, which involves small cute robot-like characters firing balls out of their stomachs at other balls.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|''Star Trek'']]:''' Both within the comics and in his real life presentations, he uses the phrase "[[Captain's Log]]" a reference to the opening of most ''Star Trek'' episodes and movies. He's never seen anything of the franchise, not even the new movie most likely, but he felt the need to rip it off anyway. That's Chris for you.

==The tl;dr Version==

At this point, it's almost easier to list the beloved franchises Chris ''hasn't'' ruined.

==References==
<references />

==See also:==

*[[Chris and copyright]]
*[[List of phrases Chris copied from media]]

[[Category:Articles needing improvement]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Mitch Sonichu

2010-11-25T01:07:11Z

Tadahima:

{{quote|Flyin' high and lookin' fine!|[[Angelica|Trisha Rosechu]], on Mitch Sonichu's new look.}}

[[Image:MitchSonichuSmall.png|thumb|"I'd hit that!"]]

'''Mitch Sonichu''' (formerly '''[[Asperchu]]''') is a yellow [[Sonichu]] with brown highlights present on the ends of his ears and the base of his tail. He also has a [[Rollin' and Trollin'|soul patch]] and wears a [[Bob Chandler|lumberjack-style]] flannel shirt, blue jeans and sneakers. He is supposedly smarter, more confident and better-looking than his previous self.

He is the result of [[Ultra Sonichu]] granting Asperchu and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|Chaotic Combo]] an ''[[Homos|EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER]]'', as well as being freed from both [[Asperger syndrome|his terrible malady]] and his neglectful creator, [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]].

Mitch Sonichu is interesting in that he is a prime example of Chris not accepting what he sees as "parodies" of his own work, as well as being the result of him actively attempting to change another artist's continuity in the same way he fears other artists are capable of changing his.

==Creation==

Mitch Sonichu was created by Chris as part of a series of attempted alterations to ''Asperchu'', after it began to involve Sonichu and the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Since it began to involve his own original characters, along with the fact that he saw it as a slanderous parody, Chris felt that he should thus be able to "correct" its contents to suit his own vision.

As such, during ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', Chris had Asperchu, as well as the Apserchu-universe Chaotic Combo and Sonichu, made into new characters, so that they would not be [[Chris and hypocrisy|infringing on his intellectual property]]. At the forefront was Mitch Sonichu, the character who Chris decided Asperchu apparently "really" wanted to be, because [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|cartoon characters have real feelings too]].

After making these modifications, Chris [[Cwc blog#January_19_2009|stated in a blog post]] that, whilst he has no association to Alec or his comic, he would "forgive" Alec for his wrongdoings if he introduced his changes into the ''Asperchu'' comic. Alec declined and continued with his comic unaltered, although he would introduce a character based on Mitch Sonichu.

==In ''Sonichu''==

Mitch Sonichu starts as Asperchu, whom Ultra Sonichu encounters after he enters the Asperchu universe, along with the Chaotic Combo. Asperchu and his companions are terribly neglected by their malevolent creator, and have been cursed with Asperger syndrome. They plead Ultra Sonichu to help them be freed from their torment.

Ultra Sonichu, being the hero, cures them all of their affliction (after they have [[Chris and his ego|asked Chris to be forgiven]]). As they all marvel at their new and improved selves, Asperchu catches the eye of everyone: looking better than ever, he rebrands himself "Mitch Sonichu".

After this, Mitch, like most characters that Chris introduces according to events that occur around him, becomes a background character and proceeds to do very little.

==[[Asperchu/Background#Supporting_characters|Mitch Chu]]==

[[Image:Mitch.jpg|thumb|Razzle Dazzle... to the EXTREME.]]

{{quote|Hey bitches! Razzle Dazzle!|Mitch Chu, making his ''fabulous'' debut.}}

Mitch Chu is a character who appeared in ''Asperchu 1'', as Alec's response to the alterations Chris sought to impose. He is, unlike Mitch Sonichu, a completely separate character from Asperchu, and it is implied that he was at one point [[Chris and Sex|raped]] by [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] as a young [[Sonee]]. Due to the complicated nature of each character's origins building on the other, Sonichu, Asperchu, and Mitch are frequently confused for one another by Ian (though this is also poking fun at his difficulty in identifying people).

As a not-so-subtle response to the quite camp nature of Mitch Sonichu's ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'', Mitch Chu is rather obviously gay and seems to hold steady employ as a stylist. Nonetheless, Mitch readily joins heroes Sonichu and [[Simonchu]] in their battle against Ian Brandon Anderson, until his tragic death at the hands of [[Bionic]].

== See also ==
* [[Asperchu]]

{{Sonichu}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Chris and the Internet

2010-11-24T01:38:34Z

Tadahima: /* Attempts to leave the Internet */

[[File:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|240px|right|The proper response to a [[virgin with rage]] on the internet.]]

The '''Internet''' is a specialized computer programming that allows the transmission of data through long distances through a massive collection of networks connected all over the world. The Internet has grown since its first real conception in the [[1980s]] as a means for [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|universities]] to communicate with each other. It is said that nearly 2,000,000,000 people are connected to the Internet.

One of those is [[Christian Weston Chandler|a fat, whiny, bigoted, misogynistic, egotistical manchild.]] He is the Internet's [[Basement Rosechus|battered girlfriend]] who always comes back for more.

==Understanding==

Chris seems to be aware that the Internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his [[Autism|general inability to understand others]], Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it; and if you direct a message to someone, ''only'' they will see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people, from [[Congrats, Jack Black|celebrities]] to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|potential employers]] to [[Ivy|internet girlfriends]]. Most telling is [[100 2178|his 8 May 2010 rant]], which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990s.

Chris sees no problem in dropping [[Honest Content|highly sensitive information]] over his videos — including his phone number, [[14 Branchland Court|street address]], and the secret name of [[The Wallflower|the girl]] he desperately wanted to be his [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He doesn't understand that [[YouTube]] is a public website and not an instant messaging service, never paying attention to the deluge of comments he gets from horrified onlookers that definitively prove his "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|private]]" messages are anything but.

Chris has been on the Internet for some time, yet does not understand how to act online any more than he does in real life. While many users of the Internet contribute content, are polite and helpful, and generally [[Chris and the Law|follow any established rules]], Chris sees all websites as vehicles to spew his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|self]]-[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|serving]] [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|version]] of [[Honest content|the truth]]. Even worse, when given his own website, he audaciously claims that [[CWC_Blog#January_2010|it is he who has control over the site]], not [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]] who does the work of setting it up, or the [[Jack Thaddeus|advertisers]] who pay for it.
{{clear}}

==Forums and bans==

[[File:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|240px|left|Some people see [[duck|dicks]] everywhere on the internet. Chris tends to see these instead.]]

As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading or simple egotism. When he does, he always signs his message — be it a comment on YouTube, a rant on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim boards]], or a complaint about something in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''.<ref>http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412</ref> He never follows up on these posts either, nor does he read the comments left by other users, just like on YouTube. Any retractions or responses are saved for completely unrelated posts elsewhere on the Internet.

Common sense would suggest that Chris would fare well in the Internet forums, which are havens for socially retarded, thirty-something man-children who still live with [[Barbara Chandler|Mommy]] and [[Bob Chandler|Daddy]]. However, Chris has managed to fail here too. By appearing in the web as his usual nicknames or full names, and plastering Sonichu crap all over, he draws the attention of his trolls, and reacts predictably when they follow him. More importantly, if the trolls somehow fail to notice his new hangouts, he's quick to make enemies completely on his own accord, due to his [[ego]], selfishness and complete disregard of rules.

Thanks to his screwed up conversation filter, Chris has done stupid stuff and has stuff taken down or been banned from places. However, due to his relative inactivity concerning Internet forums, he's banned from fewer places online than expected. He was banned from [[deviantART]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of Sonichu 9 without an [[Honest content|NSFW]] tag, though he doesn't understand why—comments left on his CWCipedia talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his dA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. He was also banned earlier for the uncensored version of Sonichu 8. As well, despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been [[The July 10th Messages|banned once]] from [[YouTube]]. However, unlike DA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down or abandoned. He has also had posts moderated at [[GameFAQs]] when he attempted to solicit money for special characters in [[ModNation Racers]]. When his "article" on [[Wikipedia]] got deleted and his talk page there got trolled, his account was indefinitely blocked, although the blocking admin mistakenly thought that he was a sockpuppet of a troll and not the genuine article.

His most grievous ban to date involves [[Flipnote Hatena]]. Between 29 June and 2 July, Chris had [[RomanticLabyrinth|the same Flipnote]] removed from the site ''four times'' because of its sexual nature, with Chris thinking it was being removed by trolls instead of the fact that a [[Nintendo]]-owned website wouldn't ''like'' that sort of thing being put on their site. Because of this and other flipnotes he had uploaded and reuploaded, the mods blocked Chris's DSi from uploading any further flipnotes. Nearly a month later, Chris resurfaced on the website and reuploaded all the flipnotes that got him banned in the first place. It is suspected that he has purchased a new DSi in order to evade the ban, adding yet another reason for the moderators to ban him from the website.

One notices a pattern in all of this—Chris is simply too lazy to read a website's terms of service, too lacking in empathy to lurk for a while and see what people generally do on the sites, or even pick up the basic common sense needed for survival in most Internet communities. He just meanders onto a website and begins to post whatever he feels like posting, reacting with shock when he crosses a line because he did not bother trying to learn its location. When protesting his ban from Wikipedia for violating one of their numerous rules, he argued that he didn't have the time to read the pages upon pages of fine print that stipulated what constituted acceptable behavior. When faced with a similar conflict on Flipnote, he failed to get the hint that something in all of those videos was violating the terms of service, uploading a video anyone could tell was inappropriate for the PG-13 website no less than ''four times'' before his DSi was blocked from the service. Undeterred, Chris purchased a new DSi (a handheld that is worth almost as much as his monthly budget) and uploaded it a fifth time.
{{clear}}

== Attempts to leave the Internet ==

[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|240px|right|This is what Chris means when he says he going to "[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|go outside and enjoy life.]]"]]

As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going". However, in Chris's case, he takes this and butchers it — when [[trolls]] descend on him and [[Stress|torture]] him, he gets up and leaves. He's like a child who packs up all of his toys and goes home when things don't go his way. For many trolls, this would be a great victory — threatening to quit the Internet forever is such a common reaction to trolling it has its own [[ED]] article. However, Chris just can't stand to get away from the Internet.

His [[Youtube Finale|first attempt]] to abandon the Internet was in the aftermath of the [[Julie]] incident; tired of [[Clyde Cash]]'s trolling, Chris proclaimed that he was leaving the Internet. Instead of doing that, he disappeared for all of two weeks, before creating a new account on YouTube. His [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|second]], [[100 2188|third]], and [[100 2189|fourth attempts]] all seemed to have been directed by an [[Rocky Shoemaker|outside force]]. Of course, Chris being Chris, he never made good on his word to stay off.

After he made his second announcement of leaving the Internet, he made a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|rant about the Cleveland Show]] a mere ''36 hours later''. He also made his fourth announcement of leaving the Internet just ''four days'' after making his third announcement, saying that the [[Kick the Autistic|trolls have scared him from the Internet, that he is literally afraid of the Internet]]. Chris being Chris, he returned just [[June062010.MOV|one week]] after this grand proclamation. After talking about how he almost committed vehicular homicide, he makes his ''fifth'' announcement that he is leaving the Internet.

Nearly two weeks after his ''fifth'' abandonment of the Internet, he was spotted at [[Fridays After Five]] playing [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote Studio]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi. He soon discovered the pictures and videos of him on the Internet and broke his exile to post his response to it all on Flipnote Hatena the next day, saying that he wishes trolls would stop spreading his bad reputation around. This shows not only that Chris is still looking out for his Internet reputation, but that he also assumes that by telling trolls "I'm leaving the Internet forever," he expects them to stop talking about him.

This would've been easy for the trolls to do, if Chris had just [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|stopped]] [[The MovingForward videos|making]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|videos]]—especially ones [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|addressing them]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|specifically]] ([[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_captured_on_video|not seeking out trolls offline couldn't hurt, either]]).

In a move seen coming miles away, Chris made a [[100_2357.MOV|'''sixth''' attempt]] to leave the Internet on 22 [[November 2010]].

What Chris doesn't seem to realize is that the [[PS3#Playstation_Network|PSN]] he [[Chris humps his PS3|loves]] [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|so]] [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|dearly]] and Flipnote Studios are all technically a part of the Internet, as they consist of a network of interconnected computers/devices. Also, a quick check of his YouTube profile will usually reveal he has signed on within the last 12–24 hours, meaning he still visits YouTube daily; he's also recently taken to [[Twitter]], Gamespot, and [[GameFAQs]] to beg for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' codes. It's plain to see he is [[Chris and hypocrisy|full of shit]], and his announced departures only cover the parts of the Internet [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that]] [[CWCki|bother]] [[4-cent garbage.com|him]].

== Will Chris ever really leave? ==

It's possible, perhaps even inevitable, that circumstances will enable Chris to really leave the Internet. The most likely reason would be the death or intervention of [[Robert Chandler|certain benefactors]] that keep the Internet train a-rolling. Another (slightly) less-likely possibility would be the end result of Chris's terminal slothfulness: just ceasing to care about anything except [[video games]], [[toys]], and his [[CWCville|Happy Place]]. If pressed, Chris always claims to be "workin' on it ([[Sonichu]]/[[job|employment]]/the [[Love Quest]]/etc.)," but effort is anathema to Chris.

It is highly unlikely that he'll ever leave the Internet of his own volition. Chris thrives on attention just as much as he is burned by the terrible strain of effort. Like an abused spouse, he may never leave unless [[Rocky Shoemaker|someone else]] steps in. [[Trolls|Being the horrible people we are]], we'd rather have it that he stay. And now, with the [[Fridays After Five|trolling efforts]] of field agents in play, it seems the only way Chris will ever truly leave the Internet will be through his [[Chris and Health|inevitable]] [[death]].

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

WeighIn

2010-11-22T08:23:27Z

Tadahima:

'''WeighIn''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]], in which Chris, to the surprise of us all, steps on a scale to weigh himself. The scale gives a weight of 216 lb (15 st 6 lb / 98 kg). This weight marks him as [[obesity|obese]] for a man of his height (5'10" / 175 cm).<ref>[http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi_scripts/bmi_udaim.pl?htf=5&hti=10&wt=216&scale=english&submit_e=Submit]</ref>

It is also revealed that Chris is wearing blue Crayola Model Magic around the bridge of his [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]. The reason behind this is unknown.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = WeighIn
| video = {{#ev:youtube|og-3s0n91Ys}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style =
| shirt = {{RedBlueShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#At_Least_My_Face_Is_Not_F3c7ing_Orange|At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange]]
| next = [[FullHouse]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Towelrack.jpg|thumb|One explanation why Chris weighs less than 300 lbs]]

Here is the official weigh-in on Sunday, September twenty- [[October 2010|October 24th 2010]].

[''Aims camera, jerkily, at scale readout.'']

If I can stay still long enough.

Hmmm.

Anyway it says 216.

[''Speaks into the camera again. His [[glasses]] are now on his face and the bridge appears to be wrapped in tape.'']

Currently I'm 216 pounds.

== References ==
<references/>

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DayOut]]|nextlink=[[FullHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Template:CWCverse

2010-11-22T05:25:33Z

Tadahima: Corrected spelling; please revert if the misspelling was intentional

{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ffff00" align="center" width="95%"
| '''* [[Sonichu|CWCverse]] Locations *'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px" |

'''[[CWCville| CWCville main sights]] ([[:Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|map]]):'''
[[CWCville|CWCville City]] |
[[McIntire Park|CWCville Park/CWC-Central Park]] |
[[CWCville Shopping Center|CWCville Mall]] ([[CWCville Mayoral Office]]) ([[CWCville Shopping Center#Mall Stores|Full list of stores]]) |
[[Wild|Jungle/Mountain Areas]] ([[Wild|Chameleon Cult Jungle Dojo]]) ([[Wild|Wild Sonichu's Treehouse]]) |
[[CWCville|Subdivision Areas]] ([[Sonichu_(character)#Characteristics and personal life|14 Brunchville Lane]]) |
[[Get-Tar Region|Target Mini-Marts]] |
[[Mal-Wart|Walmart Mini-Marts]]

'''[[CWCville|CWCville other places of note]]:'''
[[BILLY MAYS|Billy Mays Tower]] |
[[Zapina|Bolyn High]] |
[[CWC Cola|CWC-Cola Bottling Company]] |
[[McDonald's|CWCee Dees]] |
[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18|CWCville Beach]] ([[Silvana|Pier 969]]) |
[[Wedding Comic|CWCville Baptist Church]] |
[[Sonichu 6#Episode 14|CWCville General Hospital]] |
[[Jiggliami|CWCville Studios]] |
[[Dating Education|CWCville University]] |
[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18|Cwick-Circuit City]] |
[[The Wall of Originals|Cwick City Gym]] |
[[Giant Penis Comic|Double-CWC Hotel]] |
[[KCWC]] |
[[Layla|Layla's Apartment]] |
[[Sonichu 5#Episode 13|Local Coffee Shop]] |
[[Pokemon|Pokemon Center]] |
[[Angelica|Samuel Memorial United Christian Church]] |
[[PandaHalo|Sarah's Apartment Complex]] |
[[Simonla|Simonla Rosechu's Rabbit Hole]] |
[[Jerkops|True Blue St.]] ([[Sonichu 9|CWCville Police Dept. 11th Precinct]])

'''[[CWCville|CWCville environs]] ([[:Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|map]]):'''
[[Giovanni|Giovanni's Gym/Base]] |
[[Kel|Kel's House]] |
[[Pokemon|Pallet Town]] |
[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic's House]] |
[[Station Square]] |
[[Rosechu|Zapbud Fields]]

'''The Axis of [[Slaweel]]:'''
[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Clarksville, Tennessee]] ([[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent_garbage.com HQ]]) |
[[Sonichu Special 1|Cly's Mansion]] |
[[Dark Mirror Hole]] |
[[Doctor Robotnik|Dr.Robotnik's Base]] |
[[Get-Tar Region]] |
[[Giovanni|Giovanni's Gym/Base]] |
[[Mal-Wart|Mal-Wart Region]] ([[McDonald's|M-C-Dville]]) |
[[The Moon|The Motherfucking Moon]] |
[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] ([[Manchester High School|PVCCitizens High School District]]) |
[[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Sho-Mall Region]] ([[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square]]) |
[[Pokemon|Viridian City]]

'''Other places:'''
[[Anchuent Prophecy|Destiny Cave]] |
[[Flame the Sunbird|Mysterious Rainbow Island]] |
[[Magi-chan|Mysterious Mountain]] |
[[Punchy|Nabe's Dojo-Shin]] |
[[Pokemon|New Island]] |
[[Bubbles|The Ocean]] |
[[Megagi La Skunk|Parodyse Isle]] |
[[RuleCWC]] |
[[Time Void]]

|}

<noinclude>[[Category: Templates]]</noinclude>

Chris and writing

2010-11-22T03:59:06Z

Tadahima: /* Chris as a poet and lyricist */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses from the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Sometimes Chris would interrupt an action scene to introduce something that is completely irrelevant to its context.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref> Its overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience.

=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks. (The worst offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref>, *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.) Apparently even he knows that his shit art is too unclear to convey an idea properly without an additional description.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters as they are written are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. His main response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective. [[Sandy|Including]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|children]].

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating in exposition something akin to "it just happened." With [[Blake]], who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he "flips." His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] and an equally sudden mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. No reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialog alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affect his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less-climactic'' for the sake of emphasis.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A preview for a next issue tersely concludes the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to dismantling tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in his own comic''.

As you might guess, on top of everything else this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unspeakably boring.'''

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. As soon as Chris becomes uninterested in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed off-panel so that Chris can proceed to his newest internet girlf... ahem, plotline of interest. Other narrative threads (such as [[Meg-chan]], [[Blanca]] or [[Jiggliami]]) can be forgotten and abandoned entirely with, if the reader is lucky, a sentence or two tying up the loose end.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself for ''almost'' two issues, and when it ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appears to be [[Chris and Religion|Father Christmas and Chris with a beard.]]]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his comics clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He tends to incorporate rhyme for its own sake, often to the detriment of the song or poem's message. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with odd terms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?'')<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>. Sometimes, the attempts at rhyming aren't even good (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity.'')<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>.

Not even the Bard is safe from Chris's fail. In [[Sub-Episode 3]], a famous line from ''[[wikipedia:Macbeth|Macbeth]]'' has a couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>, while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''[[Wikipedia:The Tempest|The Tempest]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref>. Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact. Here it would seem that Chris is unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience disapproval of peers that concerned him as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'', which presumes that his person and daily life are of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format. Instead, Chris stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting an erratic and bizarre page layout.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Love Quest|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment. He has also read ''[[Wikipedia:The Giver|The Giver]]''.<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sauces ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

The High School Story

2010-11-22T03:51:06Z

Tadahima: /* See also: */

'''''The High School Story''''' is a piece of alternate reality fiction [[Chris]] authored on the [[CWCipedia]] as part of his backstory for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].

[[Image:carrie.jpg|thumb| Terrah LeAnne Yowman: ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL!]]
==Summary==
In it, Chris creates another [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sue]] persona, Terrah LeAnne Yowman (one [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|gender-flipped Mary Sue]] wasn't enough for Chris), a high-functioning [[autism|autistic]] young lady with psychic powers. She is accused of being a [[homo|lesbian]] even though she is STRAIGHT, and all because she has more guy friends than girl friends. Anybody calling her out on this is beaten the hell out of by a nearby mind-controlled homophobe, which is a perfectly responsible use of supernatural power. With little transition beyond establishing a [[Gal-pal|guy-pal]] with a suspiciously feminine name, Chris retells the story of his [[Manchester High School#Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]] inexplicably fused with [[Manchester High School#Graduation|his graduation]].

Like in the real life high school graduation, Terrah is snubbed for awards despite the [[Honor_roll#Chris' award winning art work|awesomeness]] of her artwork. The reasonable thing for her to do is throw a hissy fit about it while exploding the high school. A pity that her guy-friend was going to propose to her after the promduation. Now she must wander the halls eternally drawing a hideous, mutant abomination 'pon the empty walls and kill time until [[Mary Lee Walsh]] ghostbusts her ass. How there even ''are'' halls for her to haunt is a bit of a mystery, since she annihilates the entire fucking building with her [[Chris and Anger|Hissy Fit]].

{{quote|PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!|Terrah LeAnne Yowman, AND NOT CHRIS AT HIS GRADUATION}}

Chris, as always, fails to understand differences in gender relations and perception in society, as while a man who hangs out with a lot of women as strictly friends will get called gay, a woman who hangs out with a lot of guys is more likely to be called a tease or a tomboy. The only reasonable interaction in the story—a boy proposing to a girl on prom night, which is a melodramatic cliché but still happens in real life once in a while—is soured when one realizes "Tippansten" is meant to be [[Tiffany Gowen|a girl]] Chris knew from high school, which means he also still wants a [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|heroine fresh from the shop]] to rescue him from a world that doesn't appreciate his "art."

Perhaps this desire to be rescued is what prompted him to try out the gender-flip itself, as well: in heterosexual romantic relationships, it's generally the guy who is expected to initiate things by asking the girl out. Chris, however, given his [[Noviophobia]], the dreaded [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], and having never had to work for anything in his life, would prefer to take the passive role. Therefore he creates a female alter ego, for whom this passivity will hopefully be seen as more acceptable. Sadly, Terrah [[fail]]s just as badly as Chris did, and, just like he probably will, dies a [[virgin with rage]].

This story also confirms that Chris absolutely can't name for shit. (Seriously, [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]]? And now ''Tippansten''? ''Yowman''? And a raccoon cheerleader named Francine ''StripeCheer?'')

Francine StripeCheer is an analogue to [[Bionic]], not [[Sonichu]]. Notice how Bionic the basketball-playing hedgehog was turned into a cheerleading raccoon, as Chris is [[Women's Rights|far too sexist to have a girl playing a real sport]].

You may be wondering if Chris [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripped this off]] from Stephen King's ''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (novel)|Carrie]]''. It has been suggested that Chris is too sheltered to have read the novel; however, it is likely that Chris has seen the movie adaptation of it. By no coincidence, the movie ''Carrie'' appeared in Chris' Netflix queue before he wrote this story. Considering how Chris can equate the death of his [[Patti Chandler|dog]] to the death of a [[Ryan Cash|human being]], it's easy to think he would consider not getting his stupid little awards exactly as bad (if not worse) than having pig's blood dumped on him.

Also, Tippanston has a wedding ring when it really should be an engagement ring.

==Text==
{{Quotebox|The High School used to be the respectable school, known as [[Manchester High School|Menchi-Nasu High]]. It was left behind and abandoned, because of lack of funds for that one school. Then the students left, and the "students" bummed around. There was an accident that happened at a [[Manchester_High_School#Seinor_Prom|Seinor Prom]] in [[1999]]; a [[autism|High-Functioning Autistic]] individual with Psychic Powers, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Terrah LeAnne Yowman]], roamed the halls with growing social outreachings; she had a number of good guy-pals, and a few [[gal-pals]]. She was constantly ridiculed with being labeled a [[homos|Lesbian]], because she hung out with MORE DUDES Mutually.

She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully [[The Creepy Stare|an intimidating glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.

Come her Seinor Prom in 1999, she asked her Best Guy-Pal, [[Tiffany Gowen|Tippanston Gowen]], to the Prom. And even though she felt nervous at first, he asked her to dance. She replied, "I have two left-feet." Still, he took her hand, and danced the night with her. She was most happy and in peace. Then after the last dance, he kissed her long and good. If she was still alive today, she would have been anxiously waiting for the 2009 Reunion to return the favor of Gowen offering the Strong Autistic individual the best night of their life at the Prom.

Now, Terrah was a [[lie|Great]] Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High.

Following the last dance, they had the [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|Seinor Awards Ceremony]]; ALL the students stayed until the FINAL END of that night. Terrah got a Star-Pin for her Good Grades; that was the ONLY AWARD she would receive that night. She anxously awaited Awards for her Inspiring, Creative Artwork she had Hand-Painted, Carved, Molded, Drawn and all Media Taught to her, yet she received NO AWARDS FOR HER CREATIVITY. She felt distraught even when called out the passing of the ART AWARDS; Her Name was NOT SAID at all.

Only Few Left early enough to tell the tale, but AFTER the final award was passed, and during the FINAL DANCE, she was beside herself; feeling alone. In her Furious Rage in not being appreciated Creatively EVEN ONCE, she concentrated ALL HER PSYCHIC POWERS, SHOUTED "PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!", then a NOVA FLASH beamed from the Prom location, seen from as far as a Hundred Miles away. All that remained was Total Silence, Terrah's gown and Star Pin, and just nearby the gown, Tippanston's Dress Jacket, with a Wedding Ring in a box, and engraved in it, "To Terrah, My Sweetest, Most Creative Woman Ever. I Love You." Tippanston wanted to wait till he had brought her back home to propose, but sadly, he died with her that night.

Since then, Terrah haunted the halls of Menchi-Nasu High, drawing the Cheerleader Raccoon Character, [[Bionic|Francine StripeCheer]], she had created from her freshman year as Varsity Cheerleader Manager. }}

==tl;dr==
Chris cannot move on from high school.

==The same thing, in fan comic form==
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==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of The High School Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|R88HlvfLXB4}}
| Stardate = 28 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Apologies to Howard Shore.
}}

==See also:==
*[[Things Chris has Ripped Off]]

{{Writings}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:High School Story}}
[[Category:Prose]]

PSEye

2010-11-22T03:40:00Z

Tadahima:

{{taxpayermoney}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|m-uh2Gfuo40}}</center>

{{quote|I've also had better practices with eye-contact, by giving eye-contact to my webcam/PSEye|Chris tells [[Sarah May]] how the PSEye cured his [[autism]]}}
[[Image:PSEye.jpg|thumb|The PSEye: Chris's window to the world.]]

The '''PSEye''' digital camera for the [[PlayStation 3]] is [[Chris]]'s window to the world and capture device of choice for his "[[Captain's Log]]" vlogs.

It was allegedly confiscated because of an anonymous [[troll]] sending his father [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] an envelope containing several postcards featuring screen captures of his [[For Julie's Eyes Only|rubber doll sex-capades]].

The PSEye is, by all accounts, a decent enough webcam that is able to produce good video at YouTube standard definition, and beyond. Yet, in typical Chris fashion, you just can't tell that from Chris's videos; Chris enthusiastically hypes his [[Sony|favorite manufacturer]] and produces utter crap with them. Thus, if your only information about Sony products comes from Chris, you would be led to believe that the camera is actually [[PS3|an overpriced toy]], and you should stick with Logitech like all sensible people. ([[LittleBigPlanet|We've seen this before.]])

[[File:Kodak Camera.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The alternate camera used in non-PSEye videos, which sees just as much abuse.]]
Video captured with the PSEye can be edited with software called EyeCreate; the resulting file is an "EyeCreate Video" or '''ECV'''. When Chris uploads a video to YouTube without giving it a title, the default title is "ECV" followed by a five-digit number. Chris occasionally titles his videos in a similar format (e.g. "CWC Update 03042009"), perhaps in a deliberate reference.

As time goes on, his PSEye seems to become more and more prone to both video and audio skips, probably because he doesn't take care of it and will throw things at it and knock it around in his videos. Following the events of 14 October 2009, his PSEye began malfunctioning more than ever, after Chris [[Chris Loses It|threw his telephone at it]] in a retarded fit of [[Random-access humor|random access humor]].

The structural stress to the camera seems to have affected the microphone since the video [[Brutal Legend]] uploaded on 18 [[October 2009]] is completely mute. The following video [[Brutal Legend Plus]] saw the return of sound but only as much as the tortured camera can transmit after the beating it took, causing Chris to sound upsettingly like [[wikipedia: Max Headroom|Max Headroom]]. This is only exaggerated by [[Speech Impediment|how much Chris' voice can fluctuate while speaking]]. How much longer the camera will last remains to be seen.

The [[Best Buy]] invoices show that Chris purchased a new PSEye on 6 [[November 2009]]. However, the quality of videos made after this date were not much of an improvement - which implies that Chris continued to use his old PSEye for some time after obtaining the new one, or he was using a different camera.

Prior to this, there had been [[mass debating|debate]] over whether or not Chris indeed used a PSEye, or the EyeToy camera developed for the [[Wikipedia:PlayStation 2|PlayStation 2]] console. PSEyes are capable of a much higher resolution than the shitty quality typically evident in Chris's videos. However, when he filmed his [[10252009 For Kacey]] video using a different camera, a PSEye could be seen sitting on top of the television behind him, confirming that the PSEye is yet another thing Chris fails at.
{{clear}}
==See also==
*[[Chris and Camerawork]]
*[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:PlayStation_Eye|Wikipedia article on PSEye]]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yITC3U9ifdY Follow up to PSEye Abuse]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Punchy Sonichu

2010-11-22T03:27:37Z

Tadahima: Undo revision 126289 by Somethings broken (talk) - without the 「で」,

[[Image:Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy Sonichu as he appears in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]]]
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]

'''Punchy Sonichu''' (Japanese パンチー・ソニチュウ) is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is often considered to be a [[racist]] Asian stereotype due to his [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes]] and martial arts upbringing, although his eyes may be based on the fighting Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Hitmonlee|Hitmonlee]]. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin.<ref>[[Mailbag_6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref>

However, the eyes seem to have been altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles]] knockoff (note the spikes on his gloves/fists), which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of 3 characters:

*[[Knuckles]]
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the blatant [[racism]] of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but he has not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him -- much to the anticipation of no one. This in contrast to [[Wild]], who has done so several times.<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_3/Page_3|Issue 3, Page 3}}</ref><ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_9/Page_6|Issue 9, Page 6}}</ref>
==Comic Appearances (漫画での登場)==

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies (変色赤ちゃん)]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a [[Wikipedia:Dojo|Dōjō]] where Master [[Excel-Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky. Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}}</ref>

===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet (ハリネズミの出会い)]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|Look at those eyes: you just know he's Asian]]

While Punchy rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training, his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board which causes Punchy to hitch a ride by accident. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers, neglecting to point out her over-sized tits. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. They all beat up Blake until his [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head is bleeding]] all over the grass.

===[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment (失恋とおとり捜査)]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Evil is Afoot (忍び込む悪)]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(character)|Crystal]], Punchy thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start talking about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous bitches. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is.

===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring Break (春休み)]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move. Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This excites Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu_9#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Date Ed (デート教育)]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. The teacher fixes Punchy up with [[Layla]], whom he falls in love with. [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest place in CWCville - [[McDonald's]].

===[[Episode_20#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense (自閉症防衛)]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (probably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville two seconds ago. Worth noting that in Virginia, being sober (which Layla was, since she didn't have such a hangover) and having sex with someone who's drunk counts as rape.

== Rove Quest ==

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, probably realizing Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. Turns out Punchy was wrong as Angelica is a dirty slut for Reginald Sneasel.

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of Chris's rampant plagiarism.

==Garrely==
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Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg
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Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry roves to wear radies rengerie.
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
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==Lefelences==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Jay Z

2010-11-20T11:10:43Z

Tadahima:

[[Image:Jay-z-400a060107.jpg|right|thumb|What [[Chris]] thought his lawyer looked like...]]

{{quote|I'm afraid of the future / Y'all respect [[Liquid_Chris|the one who got shot]] — I respect [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|the shooter]]|Jay Z, [[white knight]]?}}

'''James Zylberstien''', aka '''Jay Z''', was Chris's lawyer friend from [[Nintendo]]. Quit due to [[stress]] from project [[Sonichu Alpha]] and now works for [[Microsoft]]. His major achievement (or [[fail]] depending on which way you look at it) was to encourage Chris to [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|change the names of his real-life characters]] so when the [[Sonichu Adventure|videogame]] was made they couldn't sue.

While there is certainly some humor in Chris' feeble attempts to rename the characters despite having the creative capabilities of an old sock, many [[trolls]] feel that one of the greatest sources of humor was seeing Chris's pathetic attempts to slander real people who he thinks had "wronged" him in the past. While Chris has largely kept changes made to characters' names due to Jay Z's influence, later enemies were still often referred to by their real names. This is most evident in [[Sonichu 10]], where [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Evan George]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean Wately, and [[Asperpedia|Mao]] are all referred to by name. As well [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is identified by name, but his sequence was part of an earlier preview where he was already called by name. In all likelihood, even though Chris remembers to call [[Mary Lee Walsh]] "Slaweel Ryam" he doesn't remember Jay Z's legal warnings, and is more interested in slandering his opponents than anything else.

{{stub}}

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Z, Jay}}
[[Category:Trolls]]

Father Call

2010-11-18T02:41:59Z

Tadahima:

[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]

Early in [[November 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born 1957), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], rotund figure, and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right, actually I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause, reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Dad:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?

'''Dad:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Dad:''' Good, good... So, uh... So I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Dad:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Dad:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w-yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for like uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Dad:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Dad:''' And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27... sir.

'''Dad:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm... yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh... degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know... but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Dad:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get... in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh...I graduated in 2006.

'''Dad:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Dad:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...

'''Dad:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Dad:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Dad:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Pokémon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Dad:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Dad:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Dad:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Dad:''' Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Dad:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Dad:''' Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Dad:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.

'''Dad:''' And uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Dad:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Dad:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:'''Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.

'''Dad:''' ...with her help?

'''Chris:''' ...and get a place of my own...

'''Dad:''' You need her help to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like you know...um...some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Dad:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Dad:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Dad:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.

'''Dad:''' So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===
'''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Dad:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself.

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Dad:''' Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].

'''Dad:''' Do you now.

'''Chris:''' I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Dad:''' So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Dad:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Dad:''' Are you now.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Dad:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Dad:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Dad:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Dad:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.

'''Dad:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Dad:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, dad?

'''Dad:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.

'''Dad:''' I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.

'''Dad:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Dad:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Dad:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Dad:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Dad:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Dad:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Dad:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Dad:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Dad:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Dad:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Dad:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Dad:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Dad:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Dad:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Dad:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to [[Masturbate|create]] with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, [[Sex toys|anything]] I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Dad:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Dad:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Dad:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Dad:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Dad:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Dad:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Dad:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Dad:''' ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].

'''Dad:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Dad:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Dad:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Dad:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Dad:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Dad:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Dad:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Dad:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Dad:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Dad:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Dad:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Dad:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Dad:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Dad:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is [[Gregg Mays]], and...

'''Dad:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Dad:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Dad:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Dad:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Dad:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Dad:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Dad:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Dad:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Dad:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Dad:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Dad:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Dad:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Dad:''' Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Dad:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and chores===
'''Dad:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Dad:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokémon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Dad:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Dad:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Dad:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Dad:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Dad:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Dad:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Dad:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Dad:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Dad:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Dad:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.

'''Dad:''' [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Dad:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Dad:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Dad:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Dad:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Dad:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Dad:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Dad:''' [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Dad:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Dad:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Dad:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Dad:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Dad:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Dad:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Dad:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Dad:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Dad:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Dad:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Dad:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Dad:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Dad:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Dad:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Dad:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Dad:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Dad:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Dad:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Dad:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Dad:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Dad:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Dad:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Dad:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Dad:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Dad:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Dad:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Dad:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Dad:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Dad:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Dad:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Dad:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Dad:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Dad:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Dad:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Dad:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Dad:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Dad:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Dad:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Dad:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Dad:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Dad:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Dad:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Dad:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Dad:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Dad:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Dad:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Dad:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Dad:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Dad:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Dad:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Dad:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Dad:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Dad:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Dad:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dad:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Dad:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Dad:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Dad:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Dad:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Dad:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Dad:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Dad:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Dad:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Dad:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Dad:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Dad:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Dad:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Dad:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Dad:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Dad:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Dad:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Dad:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Dad:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Dad:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Dad:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Dad:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Dad:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Dad:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]!

'''Dad:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Dad:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Dad:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Dad:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Dad:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Dad:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Dad:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Dad:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Dad:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Dad:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Dad:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Dad:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Dad:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Dad:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Dad:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Dad:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Dad:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Dad:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Dad:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Dad:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Dad:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Dad:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Dad:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Dad:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Dad:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Dad:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Dad:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Dad:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Dad:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Dad:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Dad:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Dad:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Dad:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Dad:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Dad:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Dad:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Dad:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Dad:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Dad:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Dad:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Dad:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Dad:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Dad:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Dad:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Dad:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Dad:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Dad:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Dad:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Dad:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Dad:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Dad:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Dad:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Dad:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Dad:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Dad:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Dad:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Dad:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Dad:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Dad:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Dad:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Dad:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Dad:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Dad:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Dad:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Dad:''' She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Dad:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Dad:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Dad:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Dad:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.

'''Dad:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Dad:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Dad:''' And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Dad:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Dad:''' I do know. Because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... points of view.

'''Dad:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.

'''Dad:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Dad:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I... am an [[United_States_of_America|American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Dad:''' Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Dad:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.

'''Dad:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Dad:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Dad:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Dad:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Dad:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Dad:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Dad:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Dad:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Dad:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Dad:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Dad:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Dad:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Dad:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Dad:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Dad:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Dad:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Dad:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Dad:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Dad:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Dad:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Dad:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Dad:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Dad:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Dad:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Dad:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Dad:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Dad:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Dad:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Dad:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Dad:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Dad:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Dad:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].

'''Dad:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Dad:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Dad:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Dad:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Dad:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Dad:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Dad:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Dad:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Dad:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Dad:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Dad:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Dad:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Dad:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Dad:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Dad:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Dad:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Dad:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Dad:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Dad:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Dad:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Dad:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Dad:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Dad:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Dad:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Dad:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Dad:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Dad:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Dad:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Dad:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Dad:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Dad:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Dad:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Dad:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Dad:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Dad:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].

'''Dad:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Dad:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Dad:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Dad:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Dad:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Dad:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Dad:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Dad:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Dad:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Dad:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Dad:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Dad:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Dad:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Dad:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Dad:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Dad:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Dad:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Dad:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Dad:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Dad:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Dad:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Dad:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Dad:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Dad:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Dad:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Dad:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Dad:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Dad:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Dad:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Dad:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Dad:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Dad:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Dad:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Dad:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Dad:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Dad:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Dad:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Dad:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Dad:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Dad:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Dad:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Dad:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Chris's birthday

2010-11-16T08:58:03Z

Tadahima:

[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|Chris blows]]

[[Chris]]'s '''birthday,''' 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===18th===

While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children— comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

===21st===

[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]

If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. Chris first alleged his professor just didn't understand [[autism]], but later confided in [[Sarah]] that he was dismissed for hating on da [[homos]]. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]— Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]]
===27th===

Not much is known of Chris's 27th birthday, other than that it coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]], instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying.

===28th===

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30}}

Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also called in and congratulated him, all around nice guy that he is.

*'''Sonichu canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

=="Christian Love Day"==

[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally True and Honest, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all)]]

Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he 'feels like' it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video.]]

In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

====24 February is also...====

*Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.
*The day the Nazi party was founded (1920).
*The day [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).
*The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).
*The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).

====Other people born on 24 February include...====

*[[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)
*[[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)
*Chad Hugo (1974)
*[[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Semen

2010-11-14T04:10:39Z

Tadahima: /* Recycling */

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCcomeuppancemedallion.JPG|thumb|right|250px|The closest [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] will ever get to touching the [[Medallion|Medallion of Fail]].]]

'''Semen''' is the fluid secreted by the gonads of males to impregnate females. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] has many misconceptions about its purpose.

Despite being "honest" about sex, Chris is sometimes uncomfortable saying "semen" and occasionally uses his own unique bowdlerized terms, such as "'''comeuppance'''" or "'''navy'''."

==Comeuppance==

In the context of sex (especially oral) with his TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]], Chris refers to DROPPIN' FUCKIN' LOADS as "comeuppance," as seen here:

{{quote|Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a virgin, I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I '''feel my comeuppance''' [emphasis added] and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. |Chris, "My First Time"<ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted">[[Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]]}}

Chris presumably coined the term because a) ejaculate is called "come," b) it goes "up" when it comes out of his bent [[duck]], and c) he's an idiot. However, this created a shitstorm when his sex tapes dropped, because Webster's defines comeuppance as "a deserved rebuke or penalty."<ref>http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/comeuppance</ref> While Chris most likely heard this word and thought it would make a clever euphemism for "cum", the true meaning and its context seems to suggest an eerie Freudian slip.

===A tasty treat===
Chris believes that whatever he eats changes the flavor of semen, which may have some basis in fact.<ref>http://ezinearticles.com/?Sperm-Taste---10-Simple-Tips-For-Better-Tasting-Semen&id=164106</ref> However, what makes this ridiculous is that Chris thinks his semen will taste ''exactly'' like whatever he eats. He has indicated that he would strive for flavored comeuppance so his sweetheart/cum dumpster would savor the taste. In the sex tape audio, Chris presented the following scenario to [[Panda Halo]]:

{{quote|I would have eaten so much [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|chocolate]], that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that.|Chris <ref name="Chris_Sex_Logs#I_am_perverted"/>}}

In subsequent chats with [[Julie]], this fantasy was revised so that his comeuppance would taste like strawberries. Chris undoubtedly gobbles tons of sweets every day as a contingency in case he happens to unexpectedly find true love.

Coincidentally, sweets and other unhealthy foods are known to make semen taste even worse than usual. Chocolate is one of the worst offenders.

==Recycling==

{{quote|Mmm! Goes down salty.|Chris}}

Another tidbit revealed in the sex tapes was that when Chris [[mass debate|masturbates]] he makes sure to ejaculate into a [[Fapcup|plastic cup]], to avoid making a mess.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#Chris on Masturbation and the Sex Joke]]</ref> Shortly after this news broke, talk began to grow that Chris actually drinks from this cup.

The initial assumption, given Chris's hard stance on [[homos]], was that Chris was a devout, fundamentalist Christian and therefore had a rigid interpretation of the Biblical story of Onan<ref>http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2205/what-exactly-was-the-sin-of-onan</ref> (This was before we found out Chris wouldn't know anything about the Bible unless he heard it on ''[[Family Guy]]''). Eventually the real reason was discovered: Chris believes that by ingesting his own sperm he can "recycle" it, so that none of his potential children are lost. While many around the world do believe that life begins at conception, the truth with Chris is horrible: he believes life begins at ejaculation. Which of course begs the question - what about the eggs?

For a time there was no concrete evidence to support this outrageous claim, so Chris wisely decided to confirm it as fact. Multiple times.

[21:08] [11:36:35 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: have you ever tasted your own semen
[21:08] [11:37:42 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: KEEP IT SECRET, but I actually have; I recycle my semen
until I get together with my Sweetheart (you) for the first time.
[21:08] [11:38:10 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: ohhhh.. so that's why you do it in a cup
[21:08] [11:38:38 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: yes; after recycle, I rinse the cup and dispose of it.
[21:10] [11:40:03 AM] Sarah Cassandra McKenzie says: where did you come up with the idea of swallowing
your own semen to recycle it after you cummed? Was it on a sex site or your own idea?
[21:10] [11:40:13 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: MY OWN IDEA.
[21:12] [11:41:23 AM] Christopher C.W.C. says: IMHO, it's often unsatisfying to me upon swallowing,
because it's not being truly enjoyed by my Sweetheart.

FACT: If swallowing is "often unsatisfying" for Chris, that means that sometimes [[homo|it ''is'' satisfying]].

Not convinced? Try this:

{{quote|Uh, no, I don't think so, uh, because I've done that [drinking semen after masturbating], it's called "recycling it." Yeah, so it's basically recycling so, like uh, so he doesn't necessarily lose it. I mean, 'cause you know, if you think of it as a waste if you banged it out and then you, uh and then you flushed it down the commode or leave it in the condom in the garbage can...Though personally, I've been getting sick of swallowing my own, so lately I've been disposing of them.|Chris, Mumble chat, 17 February 2009}}

[[Image:Recycle.jpg|thumb|right|Yes, he really does it...]]

In case you still don't believe it, Chris made a [[April 16 Fetish Vids|video]] for [[Ivy]] of himself drinking his jizz, which [[Clyde Cash]] leaked on 16 April 2009.<ref>http://www.slutload.com/watch/M20g7MWCNa5/Chris-chan-Fanta-and-Cum.html</ref> In the video, Chris explains that he doesn't have any chocolate milk handy (Ivy originally suggested Chris drink his semen with chocolate syrup in a cocktail glass), so he opted to wash it down with some orange Fanta. Coca-Cola, makers of Fanta, likely saw their stocks plummet with the news.

Just to make sure everyone on Earth knows about it, Chris later made a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] admitting and justifying the existence of the cum-guzzling footage.

{{quote|I recycle my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate--I'm not ashamed to admit it--as a lot of guys, I'm sure, have done the same thing in their time. Anyway, uh, basically I--yeah, into the cup and--yeah, I recycle it. So that that way I won't lose any, uh, unborn children. So then I can--then I can also still have a good number of...a good semen count. Keep maintain that by recycling it.|Chris, defending the rights of the unborn, 28 April 2009}}

Chris has some advice for all you men out there too:

{{quote|And depending on the taste of it, uh, to the original owners...of the--their respective semen, uh, it's a good idea to recycle, but if, uh, you don--if you don--if you feel uncomfortable, uh, doing it or it tastes bad to you, then, uh, then you don't have to do it.|Chris, giving everyone his permission to not swallow semen, 28 April 2009}}

Questions remain about his recycling plan. If he doesn't want to lose even a single unborn child, does that mean he plans to eventually father millions of children? Is he really dumb enough to believe his navy will survive digestion? (That's a rhetorical question.) And what happens to the comeuppance he wants to leave in his sweetheart's mouth — does that magically teleport back where it came from, or can women get pregnant from oral sex? Sadly, these questions will never be answered, as Chris will never actually deposit his semen anywhere except his own throat (or [[Kimmi]]'s plastic [[china]].)

In the Kacey calls, Chris has also suggested interest in drinking his semen for arousal:
{{quote|And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, [[Kacey Phone Call]], after describing how he would titfuck Kacey}}
{{Clear}}

In [[Mailbag 30]], Chris announces he [[Mailbag_30#Chris quit guzzling cum|kicked the habit]], although the validity of this statement is questionable at best, considering his [[List of Chris's lies|track record]] for telling the truth.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[April 16 Fetish Vids]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Beavis and Butt-head

2010-11-14T04:02:34Z

Tadahima:

[[Image: SchuComic8Page27.jpg|thumb|200px|"Apologies to Mike Judge." Yeah, that makes it all better, Chris.]]

'''''Beavis and Butt-head''''' was a classic animated series created by Mike Judge for [[Wikipedia:MTV|MTV]] that aired from March 8, 1993, to November 28, 1997, right in the middle of Chris's childhood.

The show revolved around the pathetic lives of its unfortunately named titular characters, a pair of fifteen-year-old idiots. When the boys aren't slacking off and watching TV, they often wander around their [[Ruckersville|small hometown]], concocting ridiculous get-rich-quick schemes or trying to [[Virgin with rage|lose their virginity]]. In other words, they would remind one of [[Chris]], only younger, employed and without the video game obsession. Also, at least Beavis and Butt-head [[Homo|have each other]]. However, comparing Beavis and Butthead to Chris is an utter insult towards them for the fact that even they're lives aren't as pathetic than Chris.

[[File:Bnb_rippedoff.jpg|thumb|Shots from the episode in question. Why isn't it a surprise that Chris has yet again plagiarized yet another popular pop cultural icon in his crappy comic?]]
[[File:Beavis&buttheadreaction.png|thumb|right|Beavis and Butthead's reaction to Chris copying and bastardizing their joke. Not even these two have witnessed so much fail on a grand scale]]

Chris appears to be a fan of the show (being a show from the '90s), as he blatantly [[Parody|copied]] an entire scene from one episode for ''[[Sonichu 7]]''. The point of the cameo was to mock Chris's memories of creating [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] in 1996. Chris recalls Bionic emerging from a locker in his imagination, so this leads him to the "[[Random-access humor|hilarious]]" idea of having Beavis and Butt-head slam the empty locker shut, like they did in [http://www.tvrage.com/Beavis_and_Butthead/episodes/19219 that one episode].

{{quote|Huh Huh That guy's a wuss Huh Huh.|What Beavis and Butthead would say about Chris if they were real.}}

{{stub}}
{{clear}}
==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Random-access humor]]

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Barbara Chandler

2010-11-14T03:57:15Z

Tadahima: /* Audio appearances */

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank calls|prank call]]}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barb Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 October 1941
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Ron Coleman Yeatts
[[Bob]]
|-
| '''Issue'''
| [[Cole]]
[[Chris]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Office worker (ret.)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of [[Bob Chandler]] and terrible mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==

[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction]]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snorlax Snorlax]''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.

==Cole and his possible fathers==

[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to piss off everyone around her by dating assholes". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
{{-}}

==Marriage with Bob==

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
{{-}}

==Pampering of Chris==

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]] ([[Mumble 10]])}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment]]

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}} This behavior extends to Bob to some degree as well, as she spends most of the [[Matthew Noble call]] denying that Bob was yelling at anyone.

Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

On at least two occasions, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake. In the fall of 2007, after a photo of Chris taken at the store wound up on the internet, she interrogated [[Mimms]] as to the origins of the picture and threatened legal action. The next summer, after Chris was kicked out of the store for good, she returned to try and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

She is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10|thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years.

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress]]or in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

A recent field agent report revealed that Barbara has lost significant weight as a consequence of her colitis. Nonetheless, the epithet "Snorlax" has been grandfathered (grandmothered?) and remains the preferred way to refer to the formerly rotund woman.

==In the comics==

[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]''.

==Audio appearances==

* Circa [[1998]]: Barbara requests a song on KCWC.
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In her longest audio contact to date, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]: At the end of the video, she can be heard saying "hello" to Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 16]]</ref>.
* [[Prank_calls#Snake_Productions_Calls_Barbara_Chandler|SHUT UP!!!]] in which Barb yells over the phone.

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he [[Fail|took his mom as his date]].
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Creepy stare

2010-11-14T03:51:42Z

Tadahima: /* Gallery */

[[Image:139-CWCsDarkGlare.jpg|thumb|He thinks it's cool]]

The verdict is in. You gonna get [[rape]]d.

[[Chris]] seems to employ multiple '''stares''', all trying to project a different emotion and all nearly identical to each other, a la Derek Zoolander. He has used them to display anger, frustration, romantic interest, or sometimes an intentional lack of emotion, almost like an autistic variant of a poker face. Like many of Chris's strange [[CWC-isms|mannerisms]], this is likely linked to his [[autism]]; autistics tend to have difficulty understanding and expressing the kind of non-verbal social cues that are second nature to most people.

Chris may think that his stare is a sexy and seductive gaze or an intimidating glare that will force his adversaries into submission, but to ordinary observers, it invariably comes across as creepy or out-of-place.

{{-}}
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Creepy-Stare3.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare5.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare1.jpg
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|You just know he's planning [[Rape|something]] based on that expression.
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|This photo almost makes you feel sorry for [[Anna McLerran|that bitch]]...
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|Learning at an [[1980s|early age]].
Image:Modnationstare.png|He even incorporates it into [[Video games|video games]]
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG|Possibly the most frightening [[Nudes|clothed]] image of Chris.
Image:Whatthefuckiswithhisrighteye.jpg|Srsly, what the fuck is with his right eye?
Image:Csof111.JPG
Image:295.jpg
Image:Chris2.jpg|For some strange reason or another, Chris thinks his gaze is sensual.
Image:Cwc_csof.JPG
Image:1240785819569.jpg|BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.
Image:Creepychris.jpg|CHIIIIIIINNNAAAAAAA...
File:CWCstare1.png|[[Sonichu 10|OBJECTION!]]
File:Morechristmasshit.jpg|[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|''Fun for the whole family!'']]
File:Creepy-Stare6.jpg|In the dark...
File:Creepystare.jpg|...Even from within the [[Time Void|Abyss]].
File:Simonlaweed.jpg|Dat Face.
File:0476-CWC18th7.jpg|Chris as he's about to molest his birthday presents.
File:Strangle that Frieza.JPG
File:Myspace.jpg|The stare has the power to shine in even the [[Chris's room|darkest caves]].
File:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|[[Bob]] can do it too!
File:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg| ...So can [[Barb]]!
File:Creepy boat.jpg|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]] (after [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|sinking your boat]])
File:AHikeStare.jpg
File:100 2299.JPG
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Pedo-Glasses]]

==External links==

* [http://cwcstare.ytmnd.com/ Chris-chan stares into your soul.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB0KPHqjwZw Tribute to the creepy stare.]

{{Mannerisms}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Creepy stare}}
[[Category:Mannerisms]]

List of Chris's lies

2010-11-14T00:29:04Z

Tadahima: /* Chris's lies */

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing a [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==

*In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
*For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]] where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13]], he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
*When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
*Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The Game Place]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
*In an email,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] -- 'Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me.'</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
*He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]]</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
*In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
*Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
*Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAAc9zAVQw backfired horribly], Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
*Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[PaRappa contest]].
*Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
*In [[Mailbag 14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
*In [[Mailbag 25]] Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
*Chris began receiving emails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. As Chris is a 300-IQ-having, detail-oriented Pokémon expert, and he drew this Raichu with a pointed tail several times, fans concluded that he must have intended this, and let Chris know they now understand Rosechu started out male, and may still be a trap or hermaphroditic. Panicked that he'd been cornered, but unable to just issue a simple [[retcon]] due to his [[Chris and his ego|crippling ego]], Chris posted a photo on the [[CWCipedia]] on 22 January with the Raichu edited to have a blunted tail. He then lied to his readers that it had always been drawn that way since the very beginning. Not only was it obviously photoshopped, but he's such a tremendous idiot that he didn't change the actual comic page showing the pointed tail in his own site's archives. (It should be noted that Chris devised Rosechu's back story before Pokémon introduced the concept of gender specific features; all Raichu were depicted with a pointed tail before 2006. While Chris could have simply made this point, he opted to instead lie to his TRUE and HONEST fans.)
*In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
*On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
*During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
*Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with Sonichu; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|videogame]] about [[Sonichu]], nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
*Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and in fact complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
*Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
*[[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into the GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
*Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about the Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and the Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris' "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a)[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
*In [[Mailbag 49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the US military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original email. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
*In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|emails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
*Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).

{{quote|I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about.|Matthew Devoria - [[Father Call]]}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Lists]]

List of Chris's lies

2010-11-14T00:02:45Z

Tadahima: /* Chris's lies */

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face.

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. going to Redmond). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his actions (e.g. drawing a [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|Rule 34]] of [[Megan]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bold-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest content|TRUE and HONEST]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie said out of courtesy to avoid offending people with the uncomfortable truth. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic]] brain that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining [[TRUE and HONEST]].

This list serves to document all of Chris's blatant falsehoods. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==

*In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that nude photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite the fact that he consented to these photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
*For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]] where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13]], he denies that he ever said anything about a Chloe.
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
*Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the Medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
*When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
*Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The Game Place]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely.
*In an email,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] -- 'Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me.'</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
*He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]]</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
*In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
*Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
*Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAAc9zAVQw backfired horribly], Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the SingStar Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
*Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[PaRappa contest]].
*Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's SingStar Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
*In [[Mailbag 14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
*In [[Mailbag 25]] Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
*Chris began receiving emails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. As Chris is a 300-IQ-having, detail-oriented Pokémon expert, and he drew this Raichu with a pointed tail several times, fans concluded that he must have intended this, and let Chris know they now understand Rosechu started out male, and may still be a trap or hermaphroditic. Panicked that he'd been cornered, but unable to just issue a simple [[retcon]] due to his [[Chris and his ego|crippling ego]], Chris instead made a 22 January post on his [[CWCipedia]] including a doctored picture of the Raichu with the tail now blunted and lied to his readers that it had always been drawn that way since the very beginning. Not only was it obviously photoshopped, but he's such a tremendous idiot that he didn't change the actual comic page showing the pointed tail in his own site's archives. (It should be noted that Chris devised Rosechu's back story before Pokémon introduced the concept of gender specific features; all Raichu were depicted with a pointed tail before 2006. While Chris could have simply made this point, he opted to instead lie to his TRUE and HONEST fans.)
*In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] claiming that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's character [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
*On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
*During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|the eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also during the call, Chris made it a point to state very confidently that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns as a valid reason to not sell off any of his games to make some money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
*Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure about making money with Sonichu, if that were true, he would never try to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|videogame]] about [[Sonichu]], nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
*Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and in fact complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
*Promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
*While trying to get himself back into the GAMe PLACe, he says to Michael Snyder he's a better person. This is after all the shit he's done in the last year and a half, while secretly recording Michael, and ends the meeting calling Michael a Jew like it's an insult despite previously claiming he had nothing against Jews.
*Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about the Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fantasy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths and flat out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and the Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris' "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally... [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|Chris had either momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]], something that would have been a monumental occasion in his life, lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed, or lied to Jackie about ''not'' being kissed (though that is very unlikely). Either way, he still lied about the kiss, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
*In [[Mailbag 49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, allowing for open homosexuals to serve in the US military, Chris, in an extremely homophobic reply, said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." In [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], when called out on this, rather than simply apologize for the remark, he either denied having made it in the first place, or he claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an email in [[Mailbag 51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original email. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
*In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|emails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise not two weeks later in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]].
*Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller [[ECV 00001|seen in this video]].

{{quote|I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole 'honesty' thing you keep talking about.|Matthew Devoria - [[Father Call]]}}

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Lists]]

2010

2010-11-13T23:56:23Z

Tadahima: /* February */

[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in [[2010]].]]

'''2010''' marks the second consecutive year of organized trolling of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. In 2010, Chris turned 28.

==January==
{{main|January 2010}}
[[Image:EloquentArgument.JPG|thumb|left|On 17 January, Chris expresses his opinion on ''[[Asperchu/Background|Asperchu]]'']]

Smug with overconfidence thanks to his [[Mailbag|fanmail]] and the victory over [[gay]] ads, Chris charged into January, not even allowing the shut down of the [[CWCipedia]] via [[copyright]] claims stop him. However, Chris would soon find a new [[stress]] factor in the emerging fan comic ''[[Asperchu]]'', going to great lengths to pull his fans away from it via various crazy [[YouTube]] videos; every attempt failed miserably. As he did, Chris continued to update [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], revealing more of his madness. Unbeknown to trolls, he was actually beginning to get close to [[The Wallflower|another girl]] and he would attempt to hide this, but his own [[ego]] would refuse to let him do so.

==February==
{{main|February 2010}}
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|On '''25 February''', Chris murders [[Evan]] in a totally disgusting way]]

As January became February, Chris found himself embroiled in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|a series of phone calls]] from ''[[Asperchu]]'' creator Alec Benson Leary, where Alec demanded that Chris promise to be more tolerant of ''Asperchu'' and to get rid of [[Simonla Rosechu]], with [[Mao]] holding [[CWCipedia]] hostage. Though Chris gradually recovered enough from the stress to complete ''Sonichu'' #10, which showed the death of [[Simonla]], Chris then had [[Alec]], [[Mao]] and two other people killed within the same comic as an act of childish retaliation. Chris recovered just in time for his birthday, producing a shameless display of self-praising by declaring the first annual [[Christian Love Day]]. Perhaps the biggest mystery revealed this month was the sudden appearance of [[Magical Man Potion|another human male]] entering Chris's [[room]], one of the more puzzling developments to come out of Chris for some time.

==March==
{{main|March 2010}}
[[File:Owllevel.jpg|thumb|left|On '''9 March''', Chris uploads a new ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level that inadvertently reveals the identity of [[The Wallflower]]]]

As March began, trolls showed concern over news that Chris's father, [[Bob]], had been hospitalized with congestive heart failure. Sadly, Chris showed no concern whatsoever, angering his [[fanbase]]. A few days later, Chris would, through his massive [[ego|narcissism]], reveal a name of his potential new [[sweetheart]] through a custom ''[[Little Big Planet|LBP]]'' level. Dedicated trolls would discover [[The Wallflower|her identity]], and one faggot would cause the [[gal-pal]] to cut ties with Chris and Chris himself discovering the [[CWCki]]. At that point, Chris began an all-out war against the [[Internet]], attacking his [[fans]] for wanting more ''Sonichu'' pages, attacking the CWCki, and especially attacking [[Surfshack Tito]], the troll who took credit for destroying the [[lulz]]. However, [[Rocky Shoemaker|an outside source]] would intervene, forcing Chris to once again announce he was leaving the Internet forever. (36 hours after making this bold and bombastic claim, Chris returned with a new video to complain about [[TV]] and [[sex]].)

==April==
{{main|April 2010}}
[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|On '''5 April''', Chris's second [[The Hook Cafe]] ad is discovered]]

As April started, Chris's activity on the Internet was sporadic. However, trolls soon discovered an ad on [[The Hook Cafe]], discovering that Chris was back to his [[Love Quest]] on the Internet. During this time, Chris would meet and begin talking to a woman named [[Jackie]], who would become Chris's focus throughout the month. Having learned something from the previous incidents, Chris kept a low profile on her, which however did not prevent some highly-disturbing material to eventually leak to general public. During this time, he attempted to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]] in an attempt to lift his ban; the trolls hailed [[Michael Snyder]] as a hero when he kicked the anti-Semitic manchild out again. Chris would also work on CWCipedia a bit more, creating profiles for his characters and a page about all of his past sweethearts.

==May==
{{main|May 2010}}
[[File:MODNATION_2.JPG|thumb|left|On '''May 26''', Chris begs for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' bonuses]]

As May started, it seemed that things were going to be slow again, with a relative high point of smug Chris boasting that he had removed a "bug" allegedly planted by trolls in the [[PS3|life upgrade]]. However, he soon became severely depressed and blamed his problems of rejection by everyone on a conspiracy conceived against him by the [[Greene County]] School Board. By the end of the month, Mao opened up the [[CWCipedia]] to everyone. Chris attempted to revert their vandalism, but soon gave into stress and abandoned the website. Two series of [[e-mails]] are also leaked.

==June==
{{main|June 2010}}
[[File:GrayScaleChris.jpg|thumb|On '''30 June''', Chris looks for [[love]] on [[Flipnote Hatena]]]]

After Chris's fourth threat to leave the Internet, many fully expected that he would not keep to his word. The silence was however broken after Chris traveled to The GAMe PLACe with an autistic plan of revenge against Michael Snyder; long story short, Chris almost committed [[Son-Chu|vehicular]] homicide while [[Alcohol|drunk]] and was let off scot-free by the [[police]]. He then made a video addressing these events, and announced that he would be leaving the Internet. ([[Chris and hypocrisy|Again]]. [[Youtube Finale|For]] [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|the]] [[100 2188|fifth]] [[100 2189|time]].) Things fell silent for nearly two weeks, until a field agent spotted Chris at the [[Fridays After Five]] event in [[Charlottesville]], continuing his Love Quest offline by acting [[pedofork|really creepy]] in public. Soon, trolls also discovered where Chris had disappeared to online: the [[Flipnote Hatena]], a website created by [[Nintendo]] for users to share their amateur animations.

==July==
{{main|July 2010}}
[[Image:FAF-06092010.jpg|thumb|left|On '''9 July''', Chris continues stalking girls at [[Fridays After Five]]]]

July 2010 was another very quiet month. It began with Chris getting [[List_of places that have banned Chris|permabanned]] from [[Flipnote Hatena]] for constantly breaking the site's rules. For a time after that he emerged from the internets to enjoy the fruits of real life... by reverting back to the ancient ways of the [[attraction sign]]. He was spotted once at [[McIntire Park]] and twice at [[Fridays After Five]]. However, on 17 July he returned to [[Twitter]], telling [[trolls|his loyal fans]] that he's [[lie|working on the comic pages]]. On 24 July he also evaded his Flipnote Hatena ban and re-posted some of his removed flipnotes, suggesting that he bought another DSi just to use a children's website as his personal dating service.

==August==

{{main|August 2010}}

[[File:PostCar.JPG|thumb|On '''29 August''', the [[life upgrade]] goes GAME OVER, man]]

During the first half of August, Chris didn't give off any signs of life except for a brief sighting at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], kicking a stall of [[HEXBox]] games. It was suspected he spent his time playing [[video games]]. However, a phonecall to Bob Chandler was released, relieving some new info. He would then return on August 27 to post two videos, one concerning his upcoming high school reunion, and the other where Chris concedes to the trolls after reformatting his PS3, claiming [[fail|he did himself in]]. Two days later, he destroyed his [[PS3]], and to put it mildly, there was much rejoice.

==September==

{{main|September 2010}}

[[File:Niggocwc.jpg|thumb|left|On '''16 September''', Chris dressed as a [[niggo]]]]

Early in September, e-mail correspondence was leaked that provided some background on the destruction of the life upgrade. Quite predictably, Chris purchased another PS3 almost immediately. Jackie officially returned as a new sweetheart in Chris's life, with him trying to impress through new videos on YouTube, including attacks at Jackie's ex-boyfriend, Lars. Also this month, a bunch of ancient documents dating back from 2008 and 2009 were released to the public by [[Clyde Cash]], followed by some more from early 2010, including the correspondence between Chris and his recent alleged sweetheart, [[The Wallflower]]. Towards the end of the month, Chris officially kicked off his "anti-troll movement".

==October==

{{main|October 2010}}

[[File:Grimace.jpg|thumb|On '''4 October''', Chris [[cosplay]]s as [[McDonalds|the Grimace]]]]

October began with Chris acting just as crazy as in September. He made another half-assed apology to Michael Snyder and then proceeded to start dressing up in a large variety of [[cosplay|costumes]] made out of cardboard, which dominated the first half of the month. He also made two scary and confusing videos in which he gave birth to a baby [[bear]], used his manboobs for a breast cancer awareness ad, and more. Some of the videos were actually shot outside of the [[room]] or even the [[house]] altogether, featuring Chris driving his mom's [[Son-Chu|car]] or walking(!). The conflict with Lars also continued, however on seemingly low-level. October 2010 is notable of sheer number of [[videos]] that were released by Chris, including more than a dozen a day twice, making it by far the most active month so far (albeit quality of them varied a lot). In the meantime, Clyde kept releasing even more previously unseen historical documents.

==November==
{{main|November 2010}}
The month is ongoing.

==December==
Chris [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|still won't be getting a girlfriend]] for [[Christmas]].

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

January 2010

2010-11-13T23:51:15Z

Tadahima:

[[Image:CWCipedia-Home-Copyright.jpg|thumb|right|On '''2 January 2010''', Chris loses the [[CWCipedia]]]]
[[File:Rawr fag.jpg|thumb|right|On '''12 January 2010''', Chris breaks down on camera (again).]]
[[File:Chris_chan_creep.jpg|thumb|On '''15 January 2010''' Chris gives brainwashing a shot.]]
[[Image:EloquentArgument.JPG|thumb|On '''17 January 2010''', Chris expresses his opinion on [[Asperchu]] with class.]]
[[Image:HelpHaitSonichu.jpg|thumb|On '''20 January 2010''', Chris looks like he cares...]]
[[Image:SimonlaSimonchuHaiti.JPG|thumb|...but really he's just attacking [[Evan]].]]
[[Image:MBag50Note.JPG|thumb|On '''30 January 2010''', Chris tried to show us how it's done.]]
Fueled by a combination of fanmail and his victory over the hardcore gay ads on CWCipedia, [[Chris]] started off 2010 in a rush of almost unrestrained smugness and arrogance. His only setback was the temporary closing of CWCipedia thanks to trademark claims from The Coca-Cola Company and Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, and after a short apology, that, too, was quickly forgotten. Thanks to the swelling in his feelings of self-importance, the more depraved side of his mind was on full display both in the Sonichu comics and in the [[Mailbag]].

Around the middle of the month, Chris's complacency came under fire, when favorite troll comic and Sonichu parody, [[Asperchu]], which Chris was introduced to and already hated because it made his homosexuality-alarm go off back in late 2009, became his number one [[stress]] factor due to a takeover of CWCipedia's ad-space and mail from [[fans]] who said that they would abandon the Sonichu fandom and go read Asperchu instead. Chris responded by desperately trying to fight the fan-emigration to Asperchu with [[Down with Asperchu|belittlement and denial]], [[15 January 2010|fist-fight challenges]], [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|subliminal suggestions]] and [[12 January 2010|impotent tard-rage]]. All of these attempts ended up [[fail]]ing miserably. One attempt he didn't try was producing his comic pages with any kind of regularity, as the [[stress]] of dealing with Asperchu basically put him into an art coma.

A slightly lesser stress factor was [[Evan]], who used the mailbag to repeatedly push for the death of the [[Simonla Rosechu]] character because of its status a bland gender-flip copy of his Simonchu character. This provoked many interesting responses from Chris (at least when he did not outright ignore and delete Evan's mails).

The highlights of [[Sonichu 10]] this month were: [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] committing a terrorist attack on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] Tower, causing the building to collapse, killing 100 people and injuring another 150 in the process, the depiction of Rosechu shifting tampons and engaged in bondage with Sonichu, and the staging and execution of a worldwide holocaust on homosexuality and asexuality. And despite all this, Chris [[Mailbag 32#Chris knows what's best for your kids|still defended Sonichu as a comic for kids]].

Thanks to one of Chris's [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|replies in the Mailbag]], we have confirmed that Chris, if given the opportunity, would not hesitate to rob people of their freedom of thought just to make sure that there would be no [[homos]] in his perfect world.

In [[April 2010]] it became clear that throughout '''January 2010''' Chris, while attending his young adult social group, met a girl nicknamed [[The Wallflower|Damien Antaria]], and started building up a friendship with her. Although Chris tried to keep this secret at first, it became impossible for him after a while to hide the relationship, and he started bragging about it on the internet.

==Events of January 2010==

* 1 January - Chris answers [[Mailbag 30]].
* 1 January - Chris inserts his own ads on every single [[CWCipedia]] mailbag page. He plugs Coca-Cola, supports Proposition 8, supports a Pepsi boycott by [[Homos|anti-gay]] (and [[Sonichu 8|anti-porn]]) group the American Family Association, and promotes James Cameron's ''Avatar'', which Chris ruins by thinking it has an [[Chris and reality|anti-gay message]].
* 1 January - Due to a trademark claim by The Coca-Cola Company and Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is now locked up.
* 2 January - Chris uploads two short videos [[This was my fault|claiming responsibility for his actions]] for the <s>first</s> [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|second]] time in almost 28 years.
* 3 January - With the trademark dispute concluded, the CWCipedia reopens.
* 4 January - Chris posts [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_28 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_29 new] pages.
* 4 January - Chris answers [[Mailbag 31]].
* 4 January - The [[CWCki]] moves to cogsdev.org.
* 5 January - Chris's Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 32]] and [[Mailbag 33]].
* 5 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_30 Five] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_31 new] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_32 pages] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_33 of] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_34 Sonichu 10] and answers [[Mailbag 32]].
* 6 January - Chris's Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 34]]
* 6 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_35 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_36 new] pages of [[Sonichu 10]].
* 6 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_37 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_38 new] pages of [[Sonichu 10]] and takes down the gay ad on the front page of CWCipedia again. However, now [[Asperchu]] ads have started to appear.
* 7 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_37 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_38 new] pages and taints [[Family Guy]] forever. [[Mailbag 34]] is also answered.
* 7 January - Chris updates his [[CWC Blog#7 January 2010|blog]], saying that [[Chris and his ego|his birthday should be a holiday]]. He also mentions this in other areas of the [[CWCipedia]] mainpage.
* 7 January - The ads on Chris's site are replaced by ones for [[Asperchu]].
* 8 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_39 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_40 new] pages of his [[Sonichu 10|comic]], in which he punches a guy for talking shit and cheats on his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]].
* 8 January - Chris answers [[Mailbag 35]], his Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 36]].
* 9 January - Thinking he's finally gotten through to the homos (he hasn't), Chris [[Down_with_asperchu|shifts his anger]] towards the creator of [[Asperchu]], a comic that's way more TRUE and ORIGINAL than Sonichu ever will be.
*10 January - Chris's Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 37]].
*12 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_41 four] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_42 new] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_43 pages] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_44 of] Sonichu 10 where he draws himself being trolled by [[fail|one of his own Sonichus]]. He also [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#I said it once and I will say it again|bitches to his admin]] about the new [[Asperchu]] ads.
*12 January - Chris's Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 38]] and [[Mailbag 39]].
*12 January - Chris [[Death threats|threatens death]] to the creator of [[Asperchu]] in a [[12 January 2010|new video]], where he punches out his ''good'' camera.
*13 January - Chris answers [[Mailbag 36]], [[Mailbag 37]], [[Mailbag 38]] ''and'' half of [[Mailbag 39]] before finally crashing into slumber.
* 14 January - Chris makes a [[14 January 2010|video]] where he rationalizes [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursing people]] and claims he's a [[Lie|good human being]]. He then proves to the world that he [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|fails at rapping AND playing the harmonica]].
* 15 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_47 two] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_48 new] pages of Sonichu 10.
* 15 January - Chris finishes answering [[Mailbag 39]]
* 15 January - Chris makes a [[15 January 2010|video]] calling out Alec, Evan and two others, threatening to beat them up.
* 16 January - Chris makes a [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|bizarre video]] in which he tries to brainwash us all.
* 17 January - Chris changes his shirt for the third or fourth time this year, and makes a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|nine-minute rant against Asperchu]].
* 17 January - The Sysop removes all non-Asperchu related emails from [[Mailbag 41]] and moves them to [[Mailbag 42]].
* 18 January - Chris complains once again about the ads on the front page. The Sysop explains once again that the matter is beyond her control.
* 19 January - Chris uploads no less than 12 pages of his comic from [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_49 Page 49] to [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_60 Page 60]! He, of course, turns all messianic against [[Asperchu]].
* 19 January - Chris ''doesn't'' answer [[Mailbag 41]], choosing to delete the entire thing and replace it with a manifesto about how TRUE and HONEST he is.
* 19 January - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 43]], the first [[Mailbag]] after Chris issued his Anti-Asperchu manifesto.
* 20 January - Chris uploads an image supporting the relief efforts in Haiti. It should be noted that he made this a full week after Asperchu tried to raise awareness. It should also be noted that he stuck an image of [[Simonchu]] in there, because trying to help thousands of people is just as important as lashing out at [[Evan]].
* 20 January - Chris answers Mailbags [[Mailbag 42|42]] and [[Mailbag 43|43]]. The Sysop later uploads [[Mailbag 44]].
* 21 January - Chris attends his first [[Young Adult Social Group]] meeting.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010]]</ref>
* 22 January - Chris uploads a [[22 January 2010|two part video]] where he denies the homosexual implications of giving Asperchu a makeover by including home remodeling, cooking, and "myth busting" as makeovers.
* 23 January - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 45]].
* 24 January - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 46]].
* 25 January - First of the [[Wallflower E-mails]] is sent.
* 25 January - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_61 Page 61] to [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_68 Page 68], which features more [[Chris and his Ego|self-praising]], another attempt at [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|cross-retconning]] and [[Chris and anger|rage]] against all the comics on Asperpedia.
* 26 January - Chris finishes answering [[Mailbag 45]] and utterly butchers [[Mailbag 46]]. The Sysop then uploads [[Mailbag 47]]
* 28 January - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 48]] and [[Mailbag 49]].
* 30 January - Chris uploads pages [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_69 69] to [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_74 74].
* 30 January - Chris answers the [[Mailbag 47]], [[Mailbag 48]] and [[Mailbag 49]].
* 30 January - Chris [[29 January 2010|apologizes]] to Alec Benson Leary, sort of, and says he has seen no shrinkage... in the CWCipedia ads.
* 30 January - Chris uploads a hand-picked [[Mailbag 50]], comprised not of emails but forum posts defending and/or parodying him, and writes a notice about on his [[CWC Blog#30 January 2010|blog]].
* 31 January - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 51]].

==References==

<references/>

{{timeline}}

Chris and his ego

2010-11-13T23:43:36Z

Tadahima: /* Materialism */

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of [[Chris]]'s flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.

[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]

==Origins==

Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. The problem was compounded by his [[autism]], making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The enablers===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]

{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost thirty years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly tugboat===

{{Main|Chris and money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.|Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind luck and the cherry picking fallacy===

[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]

A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, [[Internet]] commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to [[Nintendo]] is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved... medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in [[2006]], his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic personality disorder==

[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction]]

It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3. believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4. requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5. has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9. shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted self-importance===

[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
{{See also|True and Loyal Fanbase}}

{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before [[2000]].|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}

As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention—good or bad—that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

He also describes himself as "managing the varsity team"<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> in high school, when actually he was waterboy.

===Persecution complex===

[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he "takes responsibility for" are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions. The only time Chris had actually stepped up and admitted responsibility was the accidental formatting of his [[PS3]].

===Naïveté===

Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the [[Wikipedia:Sith|Sith]]: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In [[2009]] and [[2010]], Chris slowly began to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: the pride before the fall===

[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist]]

{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}

[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror]]

All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm Sorry, Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying and hoarding large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself. He may even believe that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job. He has absolutely no concept of money, and believes he is entitled to everything he can buy. This stems from childhood, when Snorlax would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to talk by giving him toys if he could read their names out loud <ref>See [[1980s#1989|1989 in Christory]].</ref>. Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

This mixture of compulsive hoarding, compulsive shopping, and autism is bad news all the way. He compulsively hoards all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(daughter)|his daughter]] in the future. He also seems to enjoy collecting things, which may explain why Pokémon appeals to him. Chris compulsively buys everything he can on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played. But the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents.

===Tender misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==

One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular [[white knight]]s, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's ego in the real world and in the comic==

[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]

{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

1990s

2010-11-13T23:40:42Z

Tadahima:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in the nineties.]]
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and [[Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0505-ChristianWLlamma.jpg|thumb|right|WTF [[Niggos|nigger]].]]

The '''1990s''' saw the beginning of [[Chris]]'s obsession with [[Sonic]] and [[Pokémon]] which would one day lead to the abomination that is [[Sonichu]]. He also started using the [[Internet|interwebs]] in this decade.

==1990==
'''1990''' would be our problematic autistic's last year at [[Greene County Primary School]]. It is unknown why he left, and whether he got thrown out. Also, Chris met his gal-pal [[Tiffany Robinson]].

[[Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris meets [[Sonic]].]]
[[Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1991'''.]]
[[Image:0067-Christian%26Barbie.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and Barbie. That little Sonic plushie would be featured again, decades later, in [[Kimmi|Christian's sex vid]].]]
[[Image:0224-ChristianOnABus.jpg|thumb|right|Chris wants to see the schoolbus.]]
[[Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1995'''.]]
[[Image:0105-MomRetire13.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1996'''.]]
[[Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|thumb|right|Christmas '''1996'''. Spoiled fuck.]]
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in '''1997'''. He had to water the niggos.]]

===Events of 1990===
* 24 February - Christopher's 8th birthday.
* June - Christopher becomes a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] according to him.<ref>From the [[Sonichu]] article on [[CWCipedia]]</ref> This is, however, historically impossible, as the franchise actually debuted in the United States in 1991.
* August/September - Chris enters third grade at [[Greene County Primary School]].
* 2 August 1990 – 28 February 1991: the Gulf War is fought. [[Father Call|Matthew Devoria]], father of [[Kacey]], serves with the U.S. Marines.

==1991==
'''1991''' would be a troublesome year for Christopher. He switched schools to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], but had a conflict with the principal. Certain teachers also supposedly abused Chris, and the school's administration wanted Chris put in intensive special education or an "institution". In this year Chris's friend [[Tiffany Robinson]] would end her friendship with Chris.

===Events of 1991===
* 24 February - Christopher's 9th birthday.
* April - A picture of Chris is taken on some monkey bars.
* 23 June - the first ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' game is released.
* This year - Christopher is first introduced to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].<ref>[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]</ref>
* August/September - Chris enters fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]. He soon develops a dislike towards the allegedly [[homos|homosexual]] principal of the school.
* September - A picture of Chris is taken at a local playground.
* This year - Chris is supposedly "abused" by the teachers at Nathanael Greene Elementary School.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Christopher's father, [[Bob Chandler]], takes the "abusive" teachers to court, but fails.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* This year - Chris is removed from school and home-schooled.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>

==1992==
In '''1992''', Chris was removed from Nathanael Greene Elementary School and home-schooled for a year. Also, to prevent Chris from being put in an institution or intensive special education, Bob and Chris moved to the outskirts of [[Richmond]].

===Events of 1992===
* 24 February - Christopher's 10th birthday.
* August/September - Chris enters fifth grade. He is home-schooled.
* September - The Chandler family moves to [[Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments]] in Chesterfield County, Virginia, because they are afraid Chris will be "locked up in an institution." They keep their home in [[Ruckersville]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

==1993==
In '''1993''', Chris started attending [[Providence Middle School]] in Richmond. He became more and more obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog, even entering a Sonic contest.

===Events of 1993===
* Unknown - Chris's [[Son-chu|noble steed]] is manufactured.
* 24 February - Christopher's 11th birthday.
* August/September - Chris starts attending Providence Middle School, entering the sixth grade.<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* September - The Chandler family moves to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7. Also based upon statements done by Chris in [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]].</ref>
* Autumn - Chris enters the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].<ref>As stated in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] video.</ref>
* 19 November - Amy Rose's first American appearance, in ''Sonic CD''. Little did she know the horror of the future [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]].
* 20 November - Chris gets Spiderman's autograph at the mall, and meets Mario, Barbie, Santa Claus and a Dog.
* 29 December - [[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES|An article]] in the Richmond Times-Dispatch discusses Chris, his name change, and the Sonic contest.<ref>[http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/timesdispatch/access/615847621.html?dids=615847621:615847621&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&type=current&date=Dec+29,+1993&author=Barbara+Green&pub=Richmond+Times+-+Dispatch&desc=IT+TOOK+A+TALKING+BEAR+TO+GIVE+THE+NAME+A+YOUNG+BOY+LOVES&pqatl=google It took a talking bear to give a young boy loves], Barbara Green - Richmond Times</ref>

==1994==
In '''1994''', Chris pestered his parents into letting him change his name. He also won the Sonic contest.

===Events of 1994===
* Winter - Christopher [[Christopher's name change|changes his name]] to Christian.
* 24 February - Christian's 12th birthday.
* 26 February - Christian wins the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* 2 March - Butthurt that they lost their original case, the Chandlers file their appeal with the Virginia Court of Appeals.
* 9 May - The Case of Bob Chandler vs. Greene County School Board is dismissed by the Virginia Court of Appeals.<ref>From [http://208.210.219.132/stars/select.jsp Court of Appeals of Virginia Case Information]</ref>
* August/September - Christian enters the seventh grade at Providence Middle School.

==1995==
In '''1995''', Chris entered eighth grade at Providence Middle School.

===Events of 1995===
*Date unknown - Birth of [[Savannah Chandler]].
* 24 February - Christian's 13th birthday.
* August/September - Christian enters the eighth grade at Providence Middle School.
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments and into the [[Surrywood Subdivision]].<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* 25 December - Chris recieves a two-faced sports fan, a Power Rangers Shogun Megazord and a new bicycle for Christmas.

==1996==
'''1996''' was a rather [[stress|stressful]] year for Chris's parents. The neighbors around their new house in [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]] started spreading rumors about the Chandler family. This was rather hard for Bob and Barbara to bear. Christian himself didn't seem to mind the trouble too much, and started attending [[Manchester High School]].

===Events of 1996===
* 24 February - Christian's 14th birthday. He recieves a Lego robot.
* 27 February - ''Pokémon Red'' and ''Pokémon Green'' are released in Japan: the first appearance of Pikachu.
* Early Spring - Barbara retires from Secretarial Services at [[Virginia (state)|Virginia]] Power.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* Late Spring - Christian graduates from Providence Middle School on [[honor roll]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Summer - The Chandler family moves out of the Surrywood Subdivision, and starts living in the [[Newberry Towne Subdivision]]. According to Chris, some of the neighbors spread rumors about his family.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>
* 1 September - Christian begins his freshman year at [[Manchester High School]].<ref>Based upon statements done by Christian in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]] video.</ref>
* Autumn - Chris becomes a water boy for the varsity basketball team.
* 13 November - During basketball practice, Chris thinks up [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].
* 25 December - Chris recieves a Cortland video camera, a Lego playset, a Snoopy doll, a Cartooning with Charles Schulz kit, Wave Race 64, Mischief Makers and an extra Nintendo 64 controller for Christmas. He also gives Bob a Yoshi plushie.

==1997==
In '''1997''', Chris is still studying happily at Manchester High School. He now also manages the school basketball team.

===Events of 1997===
* This year - Chris is rejected by [[Laura Dorazio]].
* 14 February - Valentines day. At a dating match-up at school, Chris is paired up with cheerleader [[Molly Quarles]].
* 24 February - Christian's 15th birthday.
* 1 April - First episode of ''Pokemon'' anime broadcast in Japan; Pikachu becomes a cultural icon there.
* June - Christian allegedly had a prophetic dream about Sonic the Hedgehog appearing on Game Boy.<ref>Claimed by Chris in his PowerPoint: [http://www.mediafire.com/?xe03yxe1zyp]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his sophomore year at Manchester High School.
* 1 October - Barbara's 56th birthday. Chris and Bob are photographed laughing like idiots.
==1998==
In '''1998''', Chris received an [[Honor roll|F]] in English class. This would hurt him severely, forcing him to create the [[Song of Christian]] in retribution. He also discovered [[masturbation]].

===Events of 1998===
* This year - Chris discovers masturbation.<ref>[[Mass debating]]</ref>
* 2 February - Chris begins to wear the [[Pedo-Glasses]].
* 24 February - Christian's 16th birthday.
* 15 May - [[Song of Christian]] released.<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* 4 June - Christian makes his [[Chris's DVD#Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway Animation by C.W.C. on Game Boy Camera|Lego Raceway Animation]].<ref>[[:Image:063-2-CWCDVDWholeMaster.jpg|Date on DVD cover.]]</ref>
* August/September - Christian begins his junior year at Manchester High School.
* 4 September - Chris records a [[KCWC]] "[[KCWC broadcast|broadcast]]" on tape. [[Barbara]] "calls in" saying that she wants to request a song for Bob's 71st birthday, humoring him like he's six years old, when in reality, he was sixteen.
* 8 September - The Pokemon anime is released in the United States. Chris becomes an avid fan.
* 30 September - Pokémon Red & Blue are released in America. Things would never be the same in the Chandler household.

==1999==
In '''1999''', the [[Pokémon]] franchise broke big in America. During this time, Chris started making Pokémon-themed sites, and even got into the [[Chris's DVD#Chris Chan in the Pok'eNews|PokéNews]]. According to [[Lucas]], Chris started showing up at the [[Game Place]] around this time. Chris also created many of his "original" Pokémon cards this year for his [[Wall of Originals]]. They are listed below, as well as the other milestones of this year.
===Events of 1999===
{{Main|1999}}

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and his ego

2010-11-13T23:38:38Z

Tadahima: /* Materialism */

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of [[Chris]]'s flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.

[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]

==Origins==

Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. The problem was compounded by his [[autism]], making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The enablers===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]

{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost thirty years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly tugboat===

{{Main|Chris and money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.|Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind luck and the cherry picking fallacy===

[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]

A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, [[Internet]] commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to [[Nintendo]] is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved... medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in [[2006]], his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic personality disorder==

[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction]]

It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3. believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4. requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5. has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9. shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted self-importance===

[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
{{See also|True and Loyal Fanbase}}

{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before [[2000]].|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}

As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention—good or bad—that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

He also describes himself as "managing the varsity team"<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> in high school, when actually he was waterboy.

===Persecution complex===

[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he "takes responsibility for" are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions. The only time Chris had actually stepped up and admitted responsibility was the accidental formatting of his [[PS3]].

===Naïveté===

Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the [[Wikipedia:Sith|Sith]]: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In [[2009]] and [[2010]], Chris slowly began to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: the pride before the fall===

[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist]]

{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}

[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror]]

All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm Sorry, Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying and hoarding large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself. He may even believe that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job. He has absolutely no concept of money, and believes he is entitled to everything he can buy. This stems from childhood, when Snorlax would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to talk by giving him toys if he could read their names out loud. Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

This mixture of compulsive hoarding, compulsive shopping, and autism is bad news all the way. He compulsively hoards all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(daughter)|his daughter]] in the future. He also seems to enjoy collecting things, which may explain why Pokémon appeals to him. Chris compulsively buys everything he can on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played. But the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents.

===Tender misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==

One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular [[white knight]]s, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's ego in the real world and in the comic==

[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]

{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris's room (14 Branchland Court)

2010-11-13T23:31:52Z

Tadahima: /* Overview */

[[Image:Panorama.jpg|A panoramic view of Chris's room.|thumb|center|666px]]
[[Image:0828-EP12-5P7-1.jpg|There is no escape, YOUNG LADY.|thumb|200px]]

The dragon's lair. [[Chris]] has spent most of his life in '''his room'''. Since being kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|the college]], the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] and the [[The Game Place|Pokémon league]], he leaves his room regularly only for [[church]] and more recently [[Fridays After Five]], with the odd [[Chris's Big Night Out|notable exception]].

==Overview==
[[Image:Chrischansroom15xt7.jpg|200px|thumb|A rough map of Chris's room]]

Chris's bedroom is on the second floor of [[14 Branchland Court|his house]], with two windows on the northwest wall and a smaller window (covered by [[The Wall of Originals]]) on the northeast wall. Based on Chris's [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]] of his house, his cluttered room is the most relatively clean room within it, which may explain why so much of his time is spent there.

Chris's room — like most bedrooms — also sums up many of his awful habits and traits:
* His incredible attachment to material possessions, as evidenced by the massive amounts of clutter.
* His incredible laziness, as evidenced by the large amounts of disorganized clutter on the floor, bed and couch.
* In contrast, the careful and orderly arrangement of his [[video games]], DVDs, [[trading cards]], posters and toys show how they rank on his list of priorities against things like work, education, human relationships, or personal development.
* [[Megan]]'s shrine, the definite and unquestionable proof of Chris's obsession with the only person that has ever been friendly to him.
* The notoriously high presence of [[Pokémon]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and other franchises aimed at 8-12 year old kids — people of the same mental and emotional age as Chris.
* The majority of his possessions are toys or video games — objects which [[Autism|perform predictably]] [[Chris_and_his_Ego#Materialism|within his absolute control]].
* He also shows extreme hoarding behavior that is commonly found in the elderly, formerly abused children, and autistic. Since Chris insists he's autistic, it's probably safe to say that he hoards as a coping mechanism.
* Finally, Chris retreats to his room whenever he feels the slightest bit of [[stress]], refuses to discard his detritus, and has his own imaginary world called [[Cwcville]]; it is safe to assume the toys which he claims to play with for 2 to 3 hours a day,<ref>[[Mailbag_25#In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day|Mailbag 25]]</ref> are like a physical extension of his own imaginary world that provide a sense of safety and comfort.

In [[February 2009]], [[Clyde Cash]] forced Chris to [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|clean up his room a bit]].

Only two persons are known to have ventured into the cesspool Chris calls his room: [[Bob Chandler]], as exposed in a [[THAT IS MY HOUSE#Uncut|leaked video]]; and an [[Troll|unnamed individual]] appearing in the [[Magical Man Potion]] video. One animal, [[Kitty Chandler]], was shown in Chris's room in [[20 December 2009|another video]].

In some daytime videos, there is a strange green hue. It is possible that it was an issue of camera quality or light shining through his curtains, but it could also be [[Chris and Health#Hygiene|noxious gasses]] made by the mutated combination of [[AXE|Axe Body Spray]] and [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Chris's own stench.]]

==Images from the Pits of Hell==
These images are arranged beginning at the northeastern wall of the room, going counter-clockwise. Not included here are photographs of the southeastern wall and east corner.

<center>
<gallery>
Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 1.jpg|[[April 2000]], as Chris was moving back in from [[Richmond]].
Image:0821-EP12-5P6-5.jpg|Northeastern wall, near north corner. [[The Wall of Originals|A sheet of his homemade Pokémon cards]] covers the window.
Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|North corner
Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|Northwestern wall near the north corner. The air conditioner on the left here can be seen in the upper left corner of the front of his house.
Image:0824-EP12-5P6-9.jpg|Northwestern wall near the west corner
Image:0825-EP12-5P6-8.jpg|West corner. The bookshelf on the right is the [[Megan shrine]].
Image:0826-EP12-5P6-7.jpg|Southwestern wall. The closet doors are behind the shelves of video games. It's not clear how Chris can access the contents of the closet, assuming he ever does.
Image:0827-EP12-5P6-6.jpg|South corner. The door leads out of the room into the hallway. The [[Attraction Sign]] can be seen hanging on the back of the door. In [[Sonichu 6]], the portal leading to CWCville appears where the Dance Dance Revolution mat is hanging. To add the finishing touch of [[fail]], there is a Bubsy game on the shelf.
Image:ECP 00090.jpg|Great view of the Wall of Originals
Image:ECP 00084.jpg|3 bookshelves full of games
Image:100 0836.JPG|Close-ups of the Desk of Fail
Image:100 0834.JPG
Image:100 0833.JPG
Image:100 0832.JPG
Image:100 0831.JPG
File:100_2242.JPG
File:100_2243.JPG
File:100_2245.JPG
File:100_2246.JPG
File:100_2247.JPG
File:100_2248.JPG
File:100_2249.JPG
File:100_2250.JPG
File:100_2251.JPG
File:100_2252.JPG
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[14 Branchland Court]]
*[[Megan Shrine]]
*[[Ruckersville, VA]]

==References==

<references />

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Death threats

2010-11-13T23:19:10Z

Tadahima: /* Surfshack Tito */

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of rage has steadily grown over months and years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of 2009 and early 2010 Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis. The people he has wished this grisly fate upon are listed are follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy — the Sonichu comics. In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When Kacey expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could be justified in maiming her boyfriend.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===[[Evan]], Mao, and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included Evan and Mao, two of Leary's partners in the creation of Asperpedia, in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 01 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on CWCipedia. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the Webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On [[March 2010|17 March]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The Cwcipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris address to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claims that he will [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ends the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Death threats

2010-11-13T23:07:41Z

Tadahima: /* Alec Benson Leary */

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of rage has steadily grown over months and years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of 2009 and early 2010 Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis. The people he has wished this grisly fate upon are listed are follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy — the Sonichu comics. In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When Kacey expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could be justified in maiming her boyfriend.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===[[Evan]], Mao, and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included Evan and Mao, two of Leary's partners in the creation of Asperpedia, in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 01 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on CWCipedia. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the Webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he threatened to "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]" in a failed attempt to threaten him, at the same time firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he tries to be more threatening towards Tito, this time with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the reason why he and [[The Wallflower]] parted ways, even though their separation was due to concerned trolls contacting her about Chris's history with women, fearing that she'll end up becoming the next [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]. In the end, typical of our fat [[Autism|HFA]] friend, Chris's threat did not work and instead he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom the way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On [[March 2010|17 March]] Chris made his most threatening video yet accusing Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, a rapist, and calling him a [[nigger]] and then promising he would cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open, easily the most bizarre death threat Chris has made to date. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]] and influenced Mao to take it over and allow the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris address to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claims that he will [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ends the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]