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Mumble 3

2026-03-21T00:49:21Z

TheMikado: Added honest template

{{Honest}}

'''Mumble 3''' is the third of the [[Mumble]] chats involving [[Chris]]. It was held on 5 [[February 2009]], and continued in [[Mumble 3.5]].

Length: '''2:51:34'''

== Synopsis ==

__NOTOC__The third Mumble chat begins with with small talk between Chris and [[Julie]], punctuated by loss of audio in places, macaroni cheese, money and passwords. [[Clyde]], at this point, is flashing in and out of the conversation, without actually making an appearance until the later stages. [[Molvanîa]] has been destroyed, it turns out. Julie almost blows her cover a couple of times while referring to "Cameron", who seems to continuously [[Rosechu|change gender]]. We also discover that all of Chris's female creations think that he’s handsome, just like [[Snorlax|Barb]] does. This would appear to be the reason why he [[love quest|can’t understand why he’s single]]. Clyde makes a cameo appearance. Julie is getting paranoid, believing that Clyde is out to get her, and she wants Chris to protect her. Chris seems unworried by Julie voicing her fears about a knife wielding Clyde Cash coming to get her, even when she is sure he's out side her house. Julie and Chris agree to take each other's virginity and imagine their first time together. Chris promises to try hard not to prematurely ejaculate. Clyde appears and reveals he's heard everything. The two threaten and try to psychoanalyze each other. Clyde denigrates Chris's existence and questions in detail how he'll support Julie or even himself, casting serious doubt on Chris's life skills. Clyde forces Chris to make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video saying that he's gay]], threatening to harm Julie if he doesn't.

== Summary ==

The chat is quite long, weighing in at nearly two and a half hours, and is one of the longest Mumble chats. It is unknown how the trolls kept Chris on for so long.

Chief talking points are as follows:

* Chris and Julie log for a private chat. There appears to be some problem with the audio cutting out.
* Julie blames the global financial crisis for her not being able to visit. Chris accepts this.
* Small talk: Julie is a very good cook. Julie has her [[Sonichu Girls]] password back.
* Julie wants to talk about their relationship.
* Julie fucks up, tipping off Chris that she's a troll. She excuses the mistake on her bad [[English]].
* Chris wants to Google Molvanîa (something he should have done ages ago), but Julie fast-talks him out of it.
* Julie explains that Molvanîa has been destroyed.
* Julie changes the subject and asks about how Virginia is.
* A wild Clyde Cash appears, then disappears without saying a word.
* Chris's alarm goes off, ruining his train of thought. He performs no other action, so presumably the alarm was to remind him to be even more forgetful than usual.
* Julie asks about Chris's parents. He says they are fine.
* Chris drops spoilers about the upcoming Sonichu.
* They talk music. Julie loves Alizée. Chris likes all music, but especially [[Britney Spears]].
* Clyde returns again, but again leaves without saying anything.
* Julie asks Chris if he is attracted to Rosechus. Chris answers by saying [[Chris and reality|they are attracted to him]].
* Chris believes he is handsome but doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend. He says this to Julie, his sweetheart.
* Chris pesters Julie to come visit him, without offering to assist her in anyway.
* Clyde speaks, demanding to know why Chris hasn't killed him yet.
* Chris bitches to Cogs, saying among other things that he can draw romance well, dating education, and how he shouldn't be held accountable for including pornography in a children's comic because he does what he wants to do.
* Chris says he might include more non-Sonichu characters in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].
* In Molvanîa men come to the women's houses first, which Chris deludes himself into believing happens frequently in the USA as well.
* Julie is worried that Clyde might rape her like he did to Panda.
* Julie thinks she sees "someone [[Chris and race#Asians|Asian]] outside her house. She is worried it might be Clyde. Chris says he'd be scared too.
* Julie is sure someone's outside her house. Chris tells her to try not to think about it.
* There's pounding on Julie's door. She investigates; it's a salesman. Chris gives a relieved, crazed laugh.
* Almost immediately, they begin idle banter about cars.
* Chris, possessing all the subtlety of the raging inferno that was the Hindenburg in its final moments, suggests that he and Julie engage in cybersex.
* Chris believes that Panda is gone and that he should immediately move on.
* Chris admits that it's possible he will prematurely ejaculate. The prospect unsettles him some.
* Julie and Chris discuss their first time. Terrible, unmentionable things occur as they go into detail, moving into full on cybersex. Chris concedes it's probable that he'll prematurely ejaculate on his first time.
* Chris lies about his penis size. See accompanying image.
* Chris explains that his semen will taste like strawberries, since he's been eating lots of them in preparation.
* Chris drops his phone number. Yet again.
* Julie AFKs out. At least one troll quietly slips into giggles.
* Julie returns. They discuss Chris's parents.
* Julie tries to white-knight Chris. [[White Knight|It ends with the usual amount of fail]].
* Julie has a plan to get Chris to [[Redmond]]. Chris wants to go, but desperately doesn't want to expend any money, effort, time or thought into the process or even leave his house.
* Clyde returns. He reveals he was lurking under the name of his [[Vivian Gee|cousin]]. He has heard everything.
* Clyde threatens Julie. Chris threatens Clyde.
* Chris stands up Clyde for a bit. Clyde lays the smackdown, saying Chris's logic makes no sense. It doesn't.
* Clyde threatens Julie with [[Wikipedia:Russian roulette|Russian roulette]]. Chris shows that he doesn't know anything about how the game works.
* Chris and Clyde argue about who is crazier. [''Spoiler: Chris.'']
* Clyde reveals his backstory.
* Chris won't leave his shitty landfill for any reason.
* Chris tries to invoke Trolls Remorse in Clyde, which doesn't work.
* Chris displays immense hypocrisy throughout the whole third quarter of the chat.
* Chris watches [[Wikipedia:Sex in the City|''Sex in the City'']].
* Clyde tells Chris he doesn't have autism, bringing up the Wikipedia article to prove it. Chris is stunned into silence, finally admitting that high functioning autism isn't a real thing.
* Chris gives a list of his cooking and cleaning qualifications, going into specific detail about how to empty bins, load a washing machine, clean cat poo and clean up an overflowing commode.
* Clyde laughs.
* Clyde argues against the brick wall that is Chris's mind.
* Clyde has a job.
* Chris believes that he is [[Chris and his ego|simultaneously overqualified for almost any position imaginable]] and a [''jack of all trades, master of none''], to such an ludicrous extreme that he is unsuitable [[Wendy's|even for minimum wage work.]]
* Clyde frigging flips out, blowing his stack.
* Chris babbles about how [[Rocky]] is helping him but is unable to list any specifics, mentioning a Dr. Price.
* Chris STILL doesn't know why [[Megan]] got upset, even though Clyde literally screams the answer at him.
* Chris ripped up the original [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|pic She Came For CWC]], saying he keeps the remains in a "[[Crumple-Lope|crumple-lope]]" (''presumably a crumpled-envelope'').
* Chris blames his homophobia on the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Principle of Nathanael Greene Elementary]].
* Chris says he never said he hated homosexuals, an outright lie. Clyde goes spastic.
* Clyde finally gets to the point: Chris must make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|a video]] where he admits to being gay. In exchange, Clyde won't dismember Julie. Chris initially declines.
* Under pressure from Julie, Chris takes a very long time to FINALLY decide that he will make the video, even after Clyde reminds him he can just make [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|a second video after to say that the first was blackmail and that he's straight.]]
* Clyde notes that he is about to get banned, so leaves.
* Some guy comes along and Chris discusses what happened.
* Chris gets Julie to agree to taping their first time and uploading it to YouTube.
* Chris goes off to make [[For Julie's Eyes Only|the video]]. The trolls burst out laughing; JulieSpike sings [[Wikipedia:Still Alive|Still Alive]] from ''Portal'', and soon all the trolls join in as the video ends.
==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Mumble 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|17ieQ3XKPSA}}
| Stardate = 5~10 [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Clyde]], [[Bluespike]],
}} </center>

== Transcript ==

==== 00:00:00 Introduction, Audio Fail ====

'''Chris:''' There we are. [''Random background noise''] Hmm now... What now? Oh.

'''Julie:''' Hi Chris!

'''Chris:''' Hello.

'''Julie:''' Ho- [''audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, say that again? You kinda broke up there.

'''Julie:''' Hold on, let me adjust my mic- [''cuts out again'']

'''Chris:''' Oh! It's you!

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Yes of course!

'''Chris:''' Huh.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] So how are you Chri- [''More audio failure'']

'''Chris:''' I'm okay Julie, how are you?

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful, thank you. Everything at home o-

'''Chris:''' Everything's Okay- Everything's Okay at home. Uh, I mean It's only I think that was you asked-yeah. I know you just bought that mic but it seems to be failing at points. Oh well.

'''Julie:''' Uh, let me configure it really- [''cut''] Maybe I can increase the vol- [''cut''].

'''Chris:''' If anything you might have to close it and relog back then to up after you get it configure correctly. I mean order-or-or to get to configure it correctly.

'''Julie:''' Well actually I did that, I logged back in after I configured it- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' Oh. Well you should carry speaker a little longer there (?)

'''Julie:''' So- [''cut'']

'''Chris:''' [''Aggravated''] ''Sigh.'' Broke up again. [''Pause''] I mean you can tell when you're breaking up because you look at the you-your lips up next to your name on the thing here and you kinda get grayed out, and that means you're- that's kinda like when you get cut off. [''Pause''] Or when you're done speaking.

'''Julie:''' hey I, oh I think I know what you- Is it better now-

'''Chris:''' You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weir-

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I don't know either. You just got it- you just installed it so uh, hmm. This is like first install jitters, or something. I dunno.

'''Julie:''' Is it better now?

'''Chris:''' I heard your, eh, eh, Yeah. I mean, I was able to hear you clearly until the points where you got cut of so uh, uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, try saying something longer and I'll let you know if you get cut off mid-sentence.

'''Julie:''' I hope this microphone does not cut out as that would be horrible.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I got- I had your full sentence there. I heard ya. I heard ya.

'''Julie:''' Alright, that is good-

'''Chris:''' Huh. You got cut off again.

'''Julie:''' That's weird, I don't know what could be causing it. I turned off everything else that was using the connection.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well we just, well- it's best to try to make the best- make the best of it. So you know, uh, I'll try to understand you up- I mean- until the points, I mean the points- I mean, as best as I can even if you get- even if you might get cut off sometime. But anyway it's-

'''Julie:''' I'm sorr- I'm sorry about that.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Hmm. So uh, how are you?

==== 00:04:14 Money, Jobs ====

'''Julie:''' I'm wonderful! Things in [[America]] are wonderf-

'''Chris:''' Yep, I hear that. I'm just sorry about uh, the rising cost of things due to the economic crisis and all.

'''Julie:''' Yes, it's very hard on me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright so, uh tell me- so you said you were uh working at fast food or something to uh, earn money?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I'm working at restaurants. I'm a professional cook. Sorry. My English is still bad.

'''Chris:''' You said you were a professional cook?

'''Julie:''' I am professional at cooking.

'''Chris:''' Oh, that's good. Maybe after you come over here I could try a little bit of your cuisine for uh... lunch or dinner.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, mostly I just uh warm up a TV dinner, but you know I am able to uh, cooking things- uh, cooking things for my- cooking things for myself when I have the instructions in front of me and the ingredients. But it's kind of, like hmm, you know, [[Tour of Chris's House|a bit crowded in my kitchen in here]].

==== 00:05:30 Food ====

'''Julie:''' What's your favorite thing to eat?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. I like, mostly like [[Obesity|mac and cheese]].

'''Julie:''' I'm very good at cooking.

'''Chris:''' I'll take your word for it. And I'll look forward to uh, trying your-

'''Julie:''' [''Interrupting''] I'll be right back, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''brief pause'']

'''Julie:''' I'm back.

==== 00:05:59 Lost Passwords ====

'''Chris:''' Okay. Let's- anyway you didn't answer my question how'd uh, did your passwo- how'd you get your password back after the previous time your brother changed it on ya?

'''Julie:''' Actually um, he actually just put it back to the original last. I'm not sure if he's gonna give it back this time, however.

'''Chris:''' Um. Hmm. Has he told you uh, me- he's probably just doing it just to annoy you but uh, maybe he- maybe uh, maybe he like, I don't know his mindset but maybe he wants something?

'''Julie:''' Perhaps.

'''Chris:''' I mean like did you ask him like, did you ever ask him like why did you change my password other than just to annoy me? What is it that you want?

'''Julie:''' I actually don't know why he chang- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' It's like if you- [''Julie interrupts, brief pause''] It's like you got to try get into his head a little bit.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Like, you know, one thing you could do, you could, check out his room, see if you can find anything he's written down or look at, you know, look a clues in his room that describes him. Maybe you could, find something- find something there that uh, you can put in- put in common terms with or whatever, and uh, give him something that uh, makes him feel good from somewhere among those clues.

'''Julie:''' [''Enthusiastic''] Yes I could do that! That's a very good idea!

'''Chris:''' I mean, [[Chris's Room|my room]] is a slew of big clues. [''Chris pronounces "slew" as "slow"'']

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah so uh... what else do you want to talk about?

==== 00:08:07 About Our Relationship... ====

'''Julie:''' Umm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we could talk about- I'm not sure. Maybe our relationship?

'''Chris:''' [''Sudden intake of breath, as though wincing in pain''] Oooh. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Should I- Should I not bring this up?

'''Chris:''' No, it's okay, it's okay. [''Pause''] Mmm. Ummm. Yeah. I mean I'm just trying to think about what- what's a good- what's a, something to say at the moment. I mean you don't know what to say, you could say [[Mary Poppins|Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]].

'''Julie:''' Ah. Have you heard from my friend Cameron Van- you know Cameron yet? Have you heard from him yet?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, Cameron?

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Realizing error''] Oh. Her. Sorry.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, possibly is that uh, Is that- I dunno is that like your aunt, still over in [[Molvanîa]].

'''Julie:''' Well, I have unfortunate news about Molvanîa. It- it appears to have been destroyed. I know that sounds strange, but, I don't know what happened. I'm very worried.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Maybe I can find something on the-

'''Julie:''' I miss my hometown.

'''Chris:''' I hear ya. Hang on, I'll uh, I'll Google Molvanîa, see if I can-

'''Julie:''' [''Backpedaling''] no, that's alright, I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

'''Chris:''' Oh. Uh, tell me in your own words what you think happened.

'''Julie:''' I don't know, It's just, I think the dictator of Molvanîa, I think he was assassinated,

'''Chris:''' The dictator was assassinated.

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. As far as I heard from Cameron before he- I lost all contact with him.

'''Chris:''' [''Incredulous''] You mean her, don't you?

'''Julie:''' Sorry, I keep getting confused, my English is awful. I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, you're trying. You're doing- you're doing okay.

'''Julie:''' Thank you very much.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'd like to talk about something else. I, you know.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, talk about anything.

==== 00:10:40 How's Virginia? ====

'''Julie:''' So, how's [[Virginia]]?

'''Chris:''' It's okay. Uhh, you know, it's a good place to live. As, especially going out to [[Charlottesville]] and uh, whatnot, but it's okay.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that sounds wonder-

'''Chris:''' I mean, I can't, I mean I don't know what much to say, but uh, you know [[Bob|my Father]] could tell you, oh yeah, Virginia's a historic town, cuz, you know we got all the history from like, Thomas Jefferson and, oh yeah, [[A Hike|the Monticello]].

'''Julie:''' What do you like to do in Virginia?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. What Do I like to do in Virginia? Hmm. I dunno [''nervous laugh''] Been living in Virginia pretty much all my life so, pretty much just living my normal life at this point. Other than- other than that I can't really say, you know?

'''Julie:''' Can you tell what that includes? I really want to know what your life is like, I would love to know.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Ahh, let me think about that. My life is like, uh...

==== 00:12:02 A Wild Clyde Cash Appears! ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no!

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Julie:''' I see [[Clyde Cash|Clyde's]] here. Uh oh.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Oh well, let's just ignore him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's like uh, he seems to be under the "Inactive" area.

'''Julie:''' Yeah no one can hear us here.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and uh, here's a note, it says that Clyde left the channel.

'''Julie:''' Oh, that's good.

'''Chris:''' In the left column here. Hmm. Don't really, I mean, don't really have much on my mind uhh, right now, let me see. Ah, mostly I've just been uh, collecting my thoughts and taking my time. You know, recovering from the Internet, from the [[stress]] of the, the stress of the Internet and whatnot.

'''Julie:''' Yes, the Internet can be a very stressful place, especially with all these [[jerks]] trying to make you mad.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah it can be very tiring is- yep. Very tiring.

'''Julie:''' You should stand up to them sometime. You should just tell them you're not going to take it anymore.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think I, I pretty much do that, just like you know, like, I keep my cool- I kept my- pretty much kept my cool and not so much- [''Chris's cell phone alarm goes off''] Excuse me.

==== 00:13:40 Alarms Are Distracting... ====

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' That was my phone, reminding me of, er, just a reminder.

'''Julie:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Uh, lost- lost my train of thought there.

'''Julie:''' Awww.

'''Chris:''' Don't you just hate that where you lose your train of thought and it's hard to recover?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. I hate it so much.

'''Chris:''' I- yep I- I hear you there.

==== 00:14:12 Bob and Snorlax ====

'''Julie:''' So, so how is your life? I mean, are things with your parents okay? I would love to hear.

'''Chris:''' Mmm, you know, uh, can't complain. It's uh, not to- not totally bad. It's okay. I mean, uh, it's-

'''Julie:''' Is your father giving you trouble again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Uh not so much lately. Uh, I had to go downtown with him to get his pacemaker checked.

'''Julie:''' Oh, I hope he's okay.

'''Chris:''' D'awright.

'''Julie:''' How's [[Snorlax|your mother]]?

'''Chris:''' She's alright.

'''Julie:''' I heard her singing, what was it, [[Mumble 2|yesterday]]? She's a very good singer.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. You know I told her that, uh, you know. Y'all- Y'all on the Mumble here heard her singing and they gave you a compliment it's like you know, "Oh, I can't sing, I'm tone deaf. They're just lying to try to make you feel good." Just a little um, just a little mod- just a little modesty there. From her point.

'''Julie:''' Everything I said about her awesome singing. I- I- It was a hundred percent true Chris, I assure you.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I know. I mean, I think she- I think she's a great singer too.

'''Julie:''' As do I.

'''Chris:''' Sorry, could you repeat that, what was that?

'''Julie:''' As do I, I agree with you.

'''Chris:''' Oh, as do you. That's what you said. Hm. It sounded like you said somethings, it sounded like you said "something, something why". Heh.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, like, I dunno, heh. Could be asking a question like, "Why, blahdah blahda". But never mind about that. I mean, I mean- I mean I understand, I'm understanding you clearly. Up to like, you know, up to when you get cut off and whatever.

'''Julie:''' So apparently Clyde did get kicked from the Mumble server, so that's good.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hopefully he's gone for good. He's been trying to promote his awful comic.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I'm definitely gonna take- I'm definitely gonna- I've been taking some time, and I've been thinking about like you know doing a page at a time, and uploading that to my website. As, as I- as I draw the comic.

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, umm... I know maybe it's confidential, but could you tell me about- a bit about the next comic? I really want to hear.

'''Chris:''' Tough love, simply enough- in the first episode [[Wild]] and [[Simonla]] will meet in the [[Dating Education]] class, and it'll just be like, a simple romance, without them- with only the professor knowing it, the two get paired up uh, communicating with each other over- over, like Internet and cell phone and whatnot in practice. And then they all love each other.

'''Julie:''' Cool. I look forward to reading about it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean, but, you would think, you know, Simonla is a ground/bug type and uh, Wild's a grass-electric. It's like they wouldn't, uh, hook up very well on the opposite traits. But you know, Wild don't- wild don't care. Loves her.

==== 00:17:37 Music, Alizée ====

'''Julie:''' Wow. That sounds so nice. You know what, I'd like to change the subject a bit?

'''Chris:''' Uh, sure.

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you about your taste in music? I'm an [[wikipedia:Alizée|Alizée]] fan myself!

'''Chris:''' Uhh.

'''Julie:''' Can I show you one of her videos? Her videos?

'''Chris:''' Uhhh, no. Uh, no that's okay, but you said Alizée, I think I've heard that name mentioned before.

'''Julie:''' Yes, I believe it was mentioned uh, last time.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I kinda like mo- like uh, all types of [[Chris and music|music]]. Uh, some heavy metal, not so ehhh, but you know I'll play it on ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', at least.

'''Julie:''' I've been trying to get ''Guitar Hero''. That's one of the next games I've been planning to get.

'''Chris:''' Guitar Hero Metallica?

'''Julie:''' Well, even ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Metallica|Guitar Hero: Metallica]]'', or maybe ''[[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero World Tour|World Tour]]''.

'''Chris:''' World Tour's already out. With the band kit.

'''Julie:''' I can possibly get that.

'''Chris:''' Or you can- or you can get [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock|''Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock'']] or [[Wikipedia:Guitar Hero: Aerosmith|''Aerosmith'']].

'''Julie:''' I hear there are some rock stars that are actually playable in ''Guitar Hero III'', who are they?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, I can't really, I don't really memorize- I don't really memorize the uh, playable characters, but in ''World Tour'' I did create a playable version of myself.

'''Julie:''' Cool.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah there's a video on the [[YouTube]] that shows me playing with my character and the [[Gitar of Fail|Sonichu Guitar]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I noticed you played really well. Do you know how to play the real guitar?

'''Chris:''' Ehhh. No, but you know, the guitar, the plastic guitar's good enough for me, I mean, I feel it's good- good enough. Like playing a real guitar. [''Voice becomes very gloomy''] Even though it's not, but still, [''back to cheerful''] It's good enough for me!

==== 00:19:33 Troll Wars VI: Return of the Clyde ====

'''Julie:''' Oh no. I think Clyde's back. Hopefully he doesn't notice this. Hopefully [''drowned out by clattering noises''] -but let's just ignore him again.

'''Chris:''' I mean, yeah. He's not in- he's not in our private channel. So, he's not hearing us.

'''Julie:''' Yea- [''cut off again'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah but anyway- yeah, I like all kinds of music. Uh, but uh, you know, my favorite female pop star- my favorite female pop star-singer I'd say would be, would have to be [[Britney Spears]].

'''Julie:''' I agree, Britney Spears is very nice.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

==== 00:20:13 Attracted to Cartoons ====

'''Julie:''' You know, about your comic? I actually have a question I've been pondering for quite awhile.

'''Chris:''' Ask.

'''Julie:''' Umm, do you find yourself attracted to your female characters you created at all?

'''Chris:''' Ah, do I find myself attracted to my female characters?

'''Julie:''' That you have created, yes. I'm sorry if it's a bit too much but I feel like I just, I've been pondering it.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Let me think about that, hmm. Are we including the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]?

'''Julie:''' Huh. What?

'''Chris:''' Uh, hang on a second, we've got an interloper here.

'''Julie:''' It must be a troll.

'''Chris:''' Oh, there he goes, he got kicked out.

'''Julie:''' Oh, there he goes. Thank goodness.

'''Chris:''' Yep. Ah, right so, are we talking about uh- so, in addition, yeah uh, the [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|human]] [[Allison Amber|female]] characters. Are we also talking about me being attractive to the Rosechus?

'''Julie:''' Yes, I've been pondering. I'm just wondering.

'''Chris:''' Yeah they'd- yeah I would say they all have a good ap- I would- they all think I'm handsome. Like [[barb|my mother]]. My mother- my mother thinks I'm- my mother tells me constantly that I'm handsome and I agree with her, like when I look at myself in the mirror. But it's like, you know, every time she tells me I'm handsome I'm like, “If I'm so handsome why don't I have a girlfriend?”

'''Julie:''' I don't know! I can't imagine why either. You're- well to use the best word you're just dashing. You're just wonderful.

'''Chris:''' I appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' It is my pleasure.

==== 00:22:07 [[Chris and money|Money]] ====

'''Chris:''' [''Brief pause, stress sigh''] Let me go off-topic a bit. So, how- how long do you think it will be until you feel like you'll be able to afford to make the trip to uh, come to Virginia?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure. Things are tough with the economic problems in [[America]] currently. Hopefully you'll be able to um, hopefully I'll be able to soon.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. You getting any financial help from your family? I mean uh, you can count [[Max|your brother]], but I'm not necessarily counting him.

'''Julie:''' Well, most of my family live in Molvanîa. For after- I mean, before it happened. I hope they're okay.

==== 00:22:48 Clyde Speaks! ====

'''Clyde:''' I'm here Chris...

'''Julie:''' Clyde?! What are you doing here?

[''Chris gives a stress sigh'']

'''Clyde:''' I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Get out.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Clyde:''' Look Chris, Chris. I just wanna tell you something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah wh-

'''Clyde:''' I'm off my medication right now, I'm off my leia (presumably leash) and I'm still angry at you now. Last time was a mistake. I shouldn't, [[Vivian]] told me... [''exhales''] Oh god. Tell me Chris. I just want you to answer one thing.

'''Chris:''' What is it.

'''Clyde:''' Why haven't you killed me yet? Why haven't you killed me yet.

'''Julie:''' [''Pause''] Chris I think he's trying to tick me.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' Clyde, how did you get in here?!

'''Clyde:''' [''Short whisper''] Magic.

'''Julie:''' You must be on your drugs again, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' Not this time. Not this time. I was being too nice last time, obviously. That was me on drugs. I was too nice when I was on drugs.

'''Chris:''' You know Clyde, I have an answer- I do have an answer for you. I haven't killed you yet because you're doing a good job doing it to yourself.

'''Clyde:''' Uhhh... I haven't attempted to kill myself. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Druggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I don't think he's gonna leave. I'm scared. What if he tells all the other jerks what you've been saying? What if he knows?! No. I don't know. [''Clyde momentarily interrupts'']

'''Chris:''' He knows nothing. He's been mostly out of this conversation.

'''Clyde:''' I know everything. Ever.

'''Chris:''' Op. There we go, he got kicked out. [''pause''] There you go he got kicked out. Yeah but I think most- I think- I think we're safe because he did not hear most of our conversation since, you know, he was mostly in the inactive column.

==== 00:25:22 Clyde Leaves ====

'''Julie:''' I have to be right back soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Julie:''' So there should be something we can do about Clyde.

'''Chris:''' But uh, like uh- I'm not too worried about him. I mean I'll deal with him- [''Julie interrupts''] I mean I'll deal with him when uh, he pops in.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Uhh according to [[Cogsdev]], he says that uhh Clyde shouldn't be able to come back. [''pause, stress sigh''] Hmm, right so we were-

'''Julie:''' It must be another troll.

==== 00:26:09 Chris talks to Cogsdev ====

'''Chris:''' Nah, that's okay. They're taken care of... They're being taken care of- they're taken care of. But anyway getting back to our conversation, talk about uh, yeah you tried- I was asking you if you had any [[Monthly Tugboat|financial aid]] from your family. But uh, then you said that they- the troubles in Molvanîa and such. Uh. Yeah, but mostly uh- any help at all from your family? Financially. [''pause''] Julie? Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Uhh, Cogsdev, you can- you heard the whole conversation, didn't you? [''Pause''] Oh. Okay. [''unclear mumbling, pause''] Oh, okay, well that's okay, you didn't have to uh, come into the channel, but uh, yeah okay but anyway so what's your question?

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Active manner. Hmm. Yeah cuz I like- cuz I like to uh, hmm. But I mostly am attracted to women so when I draw my female characters I like to uh... with like you know I, yeah. I like to make them attractive. I have done, uh, hmmm. [''pause''] I can't really uh, hmmm. No, I would not have uh, sex with any of them but it's like you know, uh... It's like but you know, I love them as if they were my friends or uh, or like you know, my brain children. But I would never have [[sex]] with them. I mean it's like uh, alright, yeah, Cogsdev, I know you're a girl and I will take your word for it on that, but uh, yeah but, yeah. It's like uh, you have- you would have- if you had a son, wouldn't you want to make him look attractive?

[''Pause']

'''Chris:''' Alright, there you go, you'd dress him up as nice- as nicely as possible. [''Pause, then inaudible mumbling''] Obviously I watched uh, yeah, I did watch [[Pornography]] and then I did get the frustration from the e- from between the [[ED]] page it- the page and the [[trolls]]. But it's also like, you know uh, I've all- I've wanted to do something like that, you know uh, just to stretch uh an adult muscle in my head. And plus, if you'll look at the, uh, at the lovey-dovey non-[[Nudes|nudity]] scenes like uh, you know just the embracing and the kissing. They're like my best works of- they're like my best examples of [[art]]. It's like even though I'm a frustrated [[virgin]], I can draw romance very well.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I just- but- you know, a bunch of times I most but- like majority of- like most other people I'm [[random]]. And I'll uh, I'll never know what I'm gonna- sometimes I never know what I'm gonna do next. If I'm- um- what I mean I work out- I don't think- sometimes I don't think I feel. If I wanna do something to- just for the heck of it then I'll do it. But yeah, the [[comic]] is mostly intended for children.

[''Pause, [[sigh]]'']

'''Chris:''' But it's also like you know, it's- I'll figure that it's also like it's intention for like when they get older. Years later they're- they're in their teenage years and they're like uh, they're looking back at the earlier stuff and it's like "Oh that was so childish." But then it's like you know I- I added this uh- this- the uh, the T-rated or the- or adult materials I pretty much did. It's like uh, they could relate better- they could like relate to that in their adult- in their teenage and adult years. Just uh- just uh- just a small branch out, if you will.

[''Pause'']

'''Chris:''' More of a- I would say that uh, related to like what I would like in my romantic love life. Or like, you know, when I have my romantic relationship with my sweetheart. That's pretty much- I'm gonna be doing it. And also with that uh, also good advice for uh, those that don't know for themselves. Like I'm working on the [[dating education]] episode I was just telling Julie about a little bit. But yeah, that nine-year-old who wrote [[How to Talk to Girls|that book]] pretty much took the words out of my mouth, and then some, but mostly-

==== 00:33:46 Julie Returns ====

'''Julie:''' I'm back, Mr. Chandler!

'''Chris:''' [''Laughs''] Oh that's- that was fun. I was just talking to Cogsdev uh, pretty much.

'''Julie:''' Ah, I see!

'''Chris:''' you know it's just-

'''Julie:''' So, did I miss anything important?

'''Chris:''' Ahh, not really. Just answered the- I just answered a couple of her questions.

'''Julie:''' Oh, alright. Wait, how did- huh. Oh, never mind. [''pause''] So I'm sorry I had to take a brief absence. [[Max|My brother]] called me for help with something.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmmm. I'm sure Cogsdev won't mind but I'm just gonna see if I can... how to do it here it says “kick and mute” I just want- I just want to move- oh, she moved herself. Okay. So, alright so, what did he want? You to help him with?

'''Julie:''' He just- he just wanted to help- me to help him with um, from the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Oh. I see. That's good. Hmm.

==== 00:35:10 Non-Sonichu Characters ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I just thought of another question while I was helping him in the kitchen.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' I noticed that all your characters are indeed- well, most of them are indeed Sonichus and Rosechus.

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you plan to make any other characters that are not Sonichus and Rosechus? Like that character I gave to you earlier?

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Possibly. But you know that there are some, there are other animal characters outside that, the Sonichus and Rosechus, you know, there's [[Flame the Sunbird]].

'''Julie:''' Yes there is him. I-

'''Chris:''' Of course we have the human characters.

'''Julie:''' Yes I know, but aside from them, do you plan on making any other non-Sonichu or Rosechu characters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, possibly for like you know uh, one way or another hero villains, side characters, It just-

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it!

'''Chris:''' Time will tell. And uh... here's a thought, after uh, you move to uh, Virginia, and you come be- and you come be with me, then uh, it's like you could help me work on that. Create those characters.

'''Julie:''' I am pretty good at character design. I've made a few characters like the one you've seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I wanna ask.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

==== 00:36:48 Monthly Tugboats ====

'''Julie:''' You said before that you do get money every month, is this not right?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I do get, yeah I do get a mo- [[Monthly tugboat|social security]].

'''Julie:''' Well, you must have more money than I. Can you try to come to Ohio sometime? Or would you prefer if I came to your house.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather uh, you came to my house. Cuz I just don't feel comfortable traveling long distances, uh by myself at least.

'''Julie:''' I guess, but I've never been in America myself either. I'm somewhat worried myself.

'''Chris:''' Best thing you can do to relive that tension is just to, take a deep breath, once in awhile, take your time. You know, quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

'''Julie:''' Alright I guess.

'''Chris:''' You know it's like, uh, you don't have to uh, be in a hurry to get from point A to point B. It's just like, you can space it out in- you can space it out in your own mind, at your own individual pace. As long as you go.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, I think I'll try uh, slowly move over. Hopefully I'll get there this year. If I'm lucky.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah this year. Or uh, I dunno. I'll tell ya what uh, it may be possible, but I might uh, be able to board you here if uh, board you here in my- board you here in my room until uh you get uh, until you get an apartment for yourself, you know? [''Windows beeping''] Until you get here.

==== 00:38:42 Things Are Different in Molvanîa ====

'''Julie:''' Can I ask you something though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' In Molvanîa... men indeed do come to the womens houses first. But how things are different here? I figured that they have the same rules.

'''Chris:''' Well you know, same more or less. But it's like uh, most people are more comf- most men are more comfortable with uh, what they call a “[[Wikipedia:Sadie Hawkins Day|Sadie Hawkins]]” situation because uh- alright yeah, Sadie- it's uh, pretty much just fictional character Sadie Hawkins, you can look her up on uh [[Wikipedia]] or something.

'''Julie:''' I think I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but, mostly it's like uh, no guy would- every- every guy was like afraid to uh, talk to her so, she pretty much did the asking of the guy- asking to the guys. And uh, they would most likely say yes but- yeah so, she pretty much started a trend of women asking the guys or going to them.

'''Julie:''' I see.

'''Chris:''' And I just, for a long while I felt more comfortable- more comfortable in a Sadie Hawkins situation.

'''Julie:''' Uh huhh.

'''Chris:''' Like you know uhhh, pretty much the women- pretty much the women coming to me that's uh, pretty much why during my in-person experiences, during my sweetheart search in the earlier years when I actually were, in- actually was in the lo- in the real life locations. I was waiting for the women to come to me. Cuz I was just shy and uncomfortable- I just was shy mostly.

'''Julie:''' But you don't need to be shy around me, you know me, you trust me completely, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But still-

==== 00:40:48 Don't Be Afraid ====

'''Julie:''' You shouldn't be scared.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but also there's the uh, there's like role troubles and my fam- and my mom would- and my mom would worry and all that sort of- all that sort of-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] my brother worries about my safety. You know, he doesn't want me to get hurt out there because the world is a mean place.

'''Chris:''' I hear- I hear you there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I'm still worried.

'''Chris:''' Sometimes you just gotta take a plunge. I mean, listen to me, talking like this. It's like I should be taking plunges for myself. Hmm. Here's some thing-

'''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] Well, I guess I could try.

'''Chris:''' I would appreciate that. I really would.

'''Julie:''' I- I will- I promise you right now, I just want you to know, that I will consciously try to get to Virginia in this year. I will try my very hardest.

'''Chris:''' Thank you. I want you to know I mean that from my heart. Thank you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' You are very welcome Chris. But again, I'm worried. What if Clyde- what if he attempts to rape me as he did with [[PandaHalo|Panda]]? I'm worried. Worried for my own safety.

'''Chris:''' Yeah but uh, as long as you don't uh, put it on the Internet where you're currently living, then uh-

==== 00:42:36 Clyde the Stalker ====

'''Julie:''' Yes but he's able to follow me. I think I've seen a car around my house- someone... someone Asian in it? I think Clyde is Asian, I'm worried. He looked in with an evil glare, I'm worried. I think it was half-Asian actually, I'm not really- I'm just really scared that if I try and leave my house that he's gonna do awful things to me. [[sex tape|Awful horrible things]] to me! I'm scared Chris.

'''Chris:''' I hear you. I feel for you. I'd be scared too.

'''Julie:''' But I don't think! I- I don't think he'd rape you. Which is why I think maybe you should come- I apologize for the background noise, TV is on.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. Uhhh, but you- surely that guy cannot be out there all the time.

'''Julie:''' Yes but I see his car even at night. I have a feeling he may be stalking me but I don't know where he is and I'm scared to call anyone about it.

'''Chris:''' Well do you have his license plate number?

'''Julie:''' But Chris I- no I don't. But, I know Chris, that- you're tough Chris. I actually- I believe in you. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're tough! I know you are. I know you've described yourself a couple times but, you are the strongest person I know. I know this! I want you to protect me Chris. Can I please trust you? With my life? Do you think that would be...

'''Chris:''' Alright you can trust- I'm- you can trust me to protect you.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris I apprecia [''audio cut off'']

'''Chris:''' Yes. I will protect you.

'''Julie:''' Yeah the TV is extremely loud. I should ask my brother to turn it down.

'''Chris:''' Actually I'm not hearing your tel- I'm not hearing your television.

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' So you know, it's okay at this point.

'''Julie:''' Alright. [''brief pause''] Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. I'm happy that I could trust you. And I'm happy that you can also trust me.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy too. That uh, you're able to uh, to trust me very much as well and that you understand me very well. Makes me feel better. Makes me feel happier.

'''Julie:''' I'm very, it's my pleasure making you feel happy, Chris. It's my ple- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' Uhh, Cogsdev uh, Okay, uh, did you have another question or something?

'''Julie:''' I'll be right- [''Audio cuts out'']

'''Chris:''' [''to Cogsdev''] oh yeah well we were just talking uh, but yeah, Julie will be right back so uh, it's okay. Did you have something else on your mind?

[''Pause'']

==== 00:47:00 He's Outside! Oh no! ====

'''Julie:''' So anyway, uh, yes I do see someone outside my house. I don't know who it is.

'''Chris:''' Just uh, just try not to think about it.

'''Julie:''' I won't.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I mean uh, it's not like you saw- I mean, it doesn't- it not- it's not hold it- it does not look like he's looking a [[Megatron pistol|gun]], is he?

'''Julie:''' I'm not sure, he's holding something. I'm worried.

'''Chris:''' Well just- just best not to- to try not to think about it.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Someone's pounding on my door.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Someone's pounding on your door...

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna to go lock it. I'm worried, Chris. I'm gonna go lock it.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Oh- it was... I looked outside, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Uh huh?

'''Julie:''' It turns out it was a [[BILLY MAYS|salesman]].

[''Chris gives a maniacal, crazy laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Ahh, that's a relief.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry, I- I acted so silly!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's okay- it's only- it's only human. You're only human.

'''Julie:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' It's okay, we're all human. I mean, I was scared for you too. [pause] I was pretty much quaking over here!

'''Julie:''' I was so scared! I'm so silly.

'''Chris:''' It's a'right. I'm here for you.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' I appreciate that, Chris.

[''pause'']

==== 00:48:42 Now That Julie's Not About To Get Stabbed, Let's Babble About Cars ====

'''Julie:''' So. I think I would like to change the topic if that's a'right?

'''Chris:''' Sure. Whatcha wanna talk ab-

'''Julie:''' How do you like [[wikipedia:Burnout (video game)|''Burnout'']], Chris?

'''Chris:''' It's- it's alrigh...t. Yeah... get to cruise around...

'''Julie:''' Maybe we should race sometime.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I did notice in a- uhh- in a- in a trailer that, uh... apparently uh, the concept Camaro that [[wikipedia:Bumblebee_(other_incarnations)#2007_Transformers_film|Bumblebee]] was, uh... is in the game too.

'''Julie:''' Yeah I heard they're actually releasing uhh... I forget the exact name, but they're actually gonna... release [[wikipedia:DeLorean DMC-12|the same car]] from [[wikipedia:Back to the Future|''Back to the Future'']].

'''Chris:''' Huh. That's interesting. By the way you know, I also do have the music video, uh- that was on the [[PlayStation Network]] for a limited time- uh, [[Wikipedia:Fast Car|"Fast Car"]]...

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It's basic- I forgot who was the guy who... sang it, but I do uhh have the MP3 of it as well. But, anyway, in the beginning it's like- this person who has a PSP... he's getting a message from- from the guy doing the song... from his PlayStation 3... or his PSP or something like that. And then he gets into Burnout, then gets his license... does- a his video with, uh... car action and such. [''Chris's voice fades out''] I forgot how it... goes. <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[stress sigh]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> Mmm. I could send the video over the PlayStation Network I would, but apparently they only will allow you to send photos or... something like that- I don't know how to send videos.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' I do have it on my PlayStation 3.

[''pause'']

==== 00:50:29 Oh Chris, You're The Master Of Subtlety ====

'''Julie:''' When- When I do go to Ruckersville, Virginia with you... I would love to play ''Guitar Hero'' with you... and ''Burnout'', and all the games. I would love to just play for hours with you.

'''Chris:''' I would love that too. [[Hanky-panky|Play with you.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh.

'''Chris:''' You know, in [[wikipedia:Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s|''Guitar Hero: Encore... Rock the 80's'']]... the, uh encore number was uh... [[wikipedia:Play With Me|"Play With Me"]].

'''Julie:''' Oh, cool! That's... quite the coincidence.

'''Chris:''' So... [''Chris does a bizarre voice here''] come play. Come plaaaay!

'''Julie:''' Haha- I will!

'''Chris:''' Come play. ... and maybe... you know, there may be... [[hanky panky|other things]].

'''Julie:''' Heh!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Other... fun things. [''Chris has a lecherous tone to his voice'']

'''Julie:''' I hear you!

'''Chris:''' Just- just each other on the couch... or on my bed.

'''Julie:''' I can't wait.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah. [''stress sigh''] This point yeah. Pretty much, uhh... but don't quote me- um, I don't want you [[CWCki|spreading it around]] and uh... well yeah, at this point, uh... eh... [[PandaHalo|Sarah... Panda]] is gone. I'll just let her fly away right now... to uh... to Clyde, if she is going there, just let her fly- just let her- I'll just let her go. I'll give you my-

'''Julie:''' I'm real- I'm very sorry to hear Panda has left you. And after all this time and you loved her. And she would just leave you for that.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [[Chris and death|I'm able to recover.]] Then... move on.

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

'''Chris:''' But anyway. Uhh, Julie- I'll let you take my virginity.

'''Julie:''' [''muted''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' After you get here and we spend... [[third date|plenty of time]] together and get to know each other in person.

'''Julie:''' I look forward to that, 100% Chris.

'''Chris:''' You've come so far. You'll be the uh- the wife- the one who actually made it.

==== 00:52:51 Chris The Cherry Popp'n, Prematurely Ejaculating Machine! ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah. How do you think our first time would- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' I'd do the best I can. [''gives a nervous, scared laugh''] Hopefully not prematurely ev-ejaculate.

'''Julie:''' Hope not! I wanna enjoy it as much as I can.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, certainly I would try my best to make it as... satisfactory as possible. I mean, I've watched a lot of pornography, educational... or, uh just... sets or uh, and I've learned from that.

'''Julie:''' I see. What position would you like best? Can I ask?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't know. Cowgirl.

'''Julie:''' I've heard of it. I think I might enjoy it.

'''Chris:''' You're on top.

'''Julie:''' [''giggle''] Wait, how would I be on top?

'''Chris:''' I'm on my back-

'''Julie:''' Oh yeah, I remember.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Mmm. So yeah, Julie, you know, come here as soon as possible... If you can make it by- if you can make it for even at least a visit... on my, by my, on my birthday... later this month... I would appreciate that.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I promise you, I will try my absolute hardest to visit you on your birthday.

[''pause'']
[[Image:1240785819569.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is smiling for you. Just for you.]]
'''Chris:''' Too bad you can't see me smile, because [[creepy stare|I'm smiling for you]].

'''Julie:''' Well, there's always... S-Skype, but... nah. Not right now.

'''Chris:''' It's okay. [''pause''] There's also PlayStation Network Chat. I have PlayStation Eye. But uhh-

'''Julie:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' -unfortunately, your brother... maybe he'll- maybe he'll give it back to you.

==== 00:54:54 The First Time OH GOD. ====

'''Julie:''' I hope so. Hey Chris, I know you might not want to, I'm just asking, but do you think you could describe the first time?

'''Chris:''' Mmmmmm...

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I tell you what, how about I uh... type it up and send it to you on multiple messages on PSN...

'''Julie:''' Aww, are you sure?

'''Chris:''' Cuz... cuz I can't recollect it off the top of my head, and it's a lot of detail.

'''Julie:''' But you can stay... I'll stay for the whole thing! It's a lot easier to say it in words. Please Chris?

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' For me?

'''Chris:''' I might. It's gonna take me... a while to recollect.

'''Julie:''' I'll wait the entire time.

'''Chris:''' You are a trooper.

'''Julie:''' And it doesn't have to be perfectly accurate.

'''Chris:''' Lemme just ask you though, out of curiosity... are you a virgin?

'''Julie:''' Indeed I am. And I'll gladly let you take it.

'''Chris:''' Let's take each other.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''pause''] Take it as a compliment, you're making me hard.

'''Julie:''' Okay, so can you describe it? For me?

'''Chris:''' Yeah okay I'm trying- lemme- okay, mmm.

'''Julie:''' I will patiently wait.

==== 00:56:38 I HAVE TO TRANSCRIBE THIS?! WHAT THE HELL MAN! WHAT THE HELL! ====

'''Chris:''' We will firstly make out.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm. During that day I would have eaten plenty of strawberries.

'''Julie:''' I love strawberries. Lemme tell you Chris...

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I'm [[mass debating|masturbating]] right now to this thought. So please continue.

'''Chris:''' We're making out. Mmm. We're... I'd let you... I'd let ya... pull my pants down, and let you warm me up a bit.

'''Julie:''' I would love to.

'''Chris:''' Uhhgh... You wouldn't mind giving- uh, you wouldn't mind giving me a, uh... blowjob?

'''Julie:''' I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.

'''Chris:''' So uh, you just imagine it... and you're enjoying it I think?

'''Julie:''' Of course I am.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. You have my right hand on... your left shoulder.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' J-just just- just having it there.

'''Julie:''' Yes!

==== 00:58:20 Chris Admits To Probable Premature Ejaculation ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right yeah, then eventually yeah... You would pretty much, eventually uh, you might- you might get some of the premature stuff... at least that's like, out of the way. [''inhales nervously'']

'''Julie:''' We would continue after that, right?

'''Chris:''' I still have a lot more... I still got a lot more tiger in my tank. Rawr.

'''Julie:''' Me too.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

==== 00:58:54 Return to Ear Rape ====

'''Chris:''' Let's say we, uh... undress each other.

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''Julie sounds bored'']

'''Chris:''' I'll unhook your bra.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Then I would, uh... be... be marveling at your... at your... nipples.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.

'''Chris:''' Cuz you've already marveled at my [[duck|dick]]...!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Excuse me?

'''Chris:''' You're pretty- I mean-

'''Julie:''' Can you repeat that?

'''Chris:''' I said, you would have already marveled at my... dick.

'''Julie:''' Yes I have.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Then we just- then we'd just be undressing each other... at this point. Then I'd know that it's your turn. I'll massage your breasts with my hands and I'll have my mouth at your pussy.

'''Julie:''' Mmm... I would enjoy that very much.

'''Chris:''' Yes. There you go, massaging and giving me... my head.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

==== 01:00:09 Julie Encourages Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Chris, can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yeeees?

'''Julie:''' As I am... are you too... masturbating to this?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have my hand... on me.

'''Julie:''' I was wishing maybe we could... do it together.

'''Chris:''' Mmm... let's call this a little rehearsal. We don't necessarily need to let anything go with the moment.

'''Julie:''' Oh a'right. Please continue though.

==== 01:00:44 Sexy Time Again! ====

'''Chris:''' You know what? I just grabbed it.

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to hear.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's, it's not hanging out- but I'm grabbing it. You made me grab it.

[''Julie giggles twice'']

'''Chris:''' Then eventually, uh... I'll give it to you first doggy style.

'''Julie:''' Thank you. [''pause''] Please continue.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. In and out, in and out... mmm.
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|right|SEVEN INCHES MY MORBIDLY OBESE ARSE.]]
'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask you something? How big is it?

'''Chris:''' It can go up to seven inches.

'''Julie:''' Oh wow! I'd love that. [''pause''] Please continue, I'd love to hear it. I love to hear this- thank you!

'''Chris:''' So... just let it play in your imagination. In and out, in and out- doggy style!

'''Julie:''' Yay!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Then eventually... I'd fall towards you and we'd both lay together on the bed, side by side... I mean we are lying- we are laying on our sides. I am behind you.

'''Julie:''' Ohh.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris puts on another retarded voice''] My dick is still in your pus-sey, and my fingers are making sure it stays in there.

'''Julie:''' Hmm... Would you do it [[homo|up the butt]]?

'''Chris:''' [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|Not on the first time]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' We'll enjoy the moment.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. I am.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''retard-o voice returns''] In and ooooout, in and oooooout. It... feels good.

[retarded, incomprehensible stammering]

'''Chris:''' [''more retarded voice''] And pretty soon, and pretty soon the cowgirl... You're on top! You're on top of meeee... you're riding-

'''Julie:''' I would ride that so much.

'''Chris:''' -me, you're riding me hard.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm.
[[Image:Strawberries.png|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
'''Chris:''' B-but then, but then... [''Chris suddenly switches to his normal voice''] By the way I would be wearing a condom. So like you know, so like you know I have no problem wearing it, so if I got inside you and be protected... or I could like pull it out, and go right all onto... your bosom. Or into your mouth. Whatever you want. I'll give you a pearl necklace, or I'll... feed it to ya.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' What do you want. What is it you desire.

'''Julie:''' Maybe just... to have it. Maybe just to eat it, I suppose. You did say it would taste like strawberries.

'''Chris:''' That's because I would have eaten a bunch of strawberries beforehand.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' So... mmm. There you go. [''retarded voice returns''] Huh huh... in the mouth![''normal''] You're enjoying that.

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And then we would pretty much... [[recycling|clean each other up in the bathroom]].

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm!

'''Chris:''' After that. Or we'd just hang around in the bed. W- W-

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other for a second or so'']

'''Julie:''' Excuse me for a second, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' [''Bored monotone''] I think... I'm coming.

'''Chris:''' Ho- ho boy!

'''Julie:''' Thank you so much Chris! That was a wonderful story. I hope that some day it will be a reality.

'''Chris:''' We'll soon see, won't we?

'''Julie:''' I hope so.

==== 01:04:58 Getting in Contact IRL ====

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Is it possible you could take a picture of yourself... and send it to me in a PlayStation Network... message?

'''Julie:''' I will try and get a camera, yes!

'''Chris:''' I like that. Oh, by the way, uhh... you do have my phone number right?

'''Julie:''' Uhhm- not yet, but I haven't been able to get hold of a phone, only at my current workplace. I was a- I was pretty desperate to find a place to live so I wasn't able to actually get a phone yet. But I would love to have it, so I can call it once I get to that point where... I can get one.

'''Chris:''' A'right well uh, you have uh... a pencil and paper?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, I do.

'''Chris:''' A'right well you can call me on my cell, it's uh... 760-0848, area code 434.

'''Julie:''' One more time please?

'''Chris:''' I should uhh start from the beginning, it's uh, (434) 760-0848.

'''Julie:''' I- [''audio cut'']

'''Chris:''' Got that?

'''Julie:''' Uh huh, indeed I did.

'''Chris:''' A'right, read that back to me.

'''Julie:''' A'right. [''pause''] (434) 760-088- sorry. (434), 76...0-084...8.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's right.

'''Julie:''' Good.

'''Chris:''' After you get your phone, let me know your number... uh uh- message on the PlayStation Network at work-

'''Julie:''' A'right-

'''Chris:''' -or whenever we talk in private, and then I'll know it's your phone number.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm! I'll try get a phone soon.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Good. Mmm. And uh- you know what? You made me feel good, even though I [''Windows beeping in the background''] didn't [[Chris Loses It|lose it]] right away, you made me feel good.

'''Julie:''' Hmm! I'm happy.

'''Chris:''' I'm happy I made you feel wonderful... as well.

'''Julie:''' Hmm, you did.

'''Chris:''' I think it'll be better... when we're actually better in person.

'''Julie:''' It will.

'''Chris:''' You know what? I'm imagining myself leaning towards you, and my forehead's touching your forehead...

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and we're looking at each other eye to eye...

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Mmm. [''pause''] And then what happens?

'''Chris:''' [''snorts, pause''] I dunno, we just... be emotional and then... and then we make out some more. [''laughs'']

'''Julie:''' I look forward to it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, let's be emotional in person, together, when it gets to that point.

==== 01:08:06 Julie AFKs Out, Some Trolls Laugh ====

'''Julie:''' Yes. [''pause''] I'll be right back, Chris.

'''Chris:''' Okay, me too.

'''Julie:''' A'right.

[''Sound of random junk being moved'']

'''Julie:''' Umuhh- I'll be back in about five minutes.

'''Basement Rosechu:''' In addition, this partnership is a better [''inaudible''] ability, will allow you to [''inaudible''] for any reason. We are a rapidly changing market, and under- [''Presumably, Chris tracks down the escaped rodent and murders her'']

[''Ominous silence'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] Oh... god...! ...Huhuh... [''This is presumably the unknown dude who appears later in the chat'']

[''Sound of typing'']

[''Silence'']

[''Giggling and slapping of thighs in the background'']

'''Troll:''' [''faint''] What the... fuck.

==== 01:09:42 Julie Returns, Chris's Parents ====

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Ahh- hang on a second, I gotta put my earphones back on. [''pause''] Okay, so you were say-

'''Julie:''' If I may ask?

'''Chris:''' Sorry, what?

'''Julie:''' Um-

'''Chris:''' Oh, you-y-y-

'''Julie:''' -would your parents mind?

'''Chris:''' My parents mind what?

'''Julie:''' If I came over to your house and we did the business? [''pause''] Would they mind? Would they be okay with it? I hope so.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I think they're- I think they're- they're cool.

'''Julie:''' I would love to meet your father and mother.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. And I- and I would- Imma let them know about you as well. They're looking forward to meeting you as well. You know, in introduction.

'''Julie:''' Mmm? Can you say that again?

'''Chris:''' Mmm?

'''Julie:''' I didn't hear you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I said um- I'll tell- I'd talk to my mother, and let her know about uh you, and after you come over I'll be only too glad to uh, introduce you to [[Cole|the whole family]].

'''Julie:''' I'm happy to see that- to hear that.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' So Chris, mostly I've been talking about- mostly I've like been starting to talk... is there anything I can talk about? Anything I can answer for you?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhh, nothing comes to my mind right now, it's- it's pretty much... blank, you know? Hmm.

==== 01:11:34 The Future ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm, a'right. [''pause''] Hey Chris, how do you think your future will be like?

'''Chris:''' H-How do I think my future will be like?

'''Julie:''' Yes! Either yours or mine and yours.

'''Chris:''' Well uh you know, you know, for me at least you know, eventually, I would be married and... have my daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Julie:''' Hopefully you can be married to me, and I can be the mother. [''pause''] Chris, I would gladly be the mother to Crystal. Gladly.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Good. Unngh.

'''Julie:''' Would I be a housewife, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Hmm- we'll see, but uh, I was kinda hoping to be the house husband.

'''Julie:''' But I'm very good with [[sonee|children]]... and I can cook.. I can clean very well, too.

'''Chris:''' Uhh, we'll see what- we'll see what happens when the time- when the time is right, you know?

'''Julie:''' A'right. Do you think in the event that we- in the event that we do decide that I am the house... wife... maybe you could get a job? What job would you like to have? That's a good question, I would like to ask you.

'''Chris:''' Uhhm, I'm not certain... but at least you know, you're promising, 'cuz, you know, you're thinking that doctor's a good job...

'''Julie:''' Wait Chris, what about your CADD degrees? You could get a job with that, can't you?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... probably, but uh, not really sure at the moment.

'''Julie:''' Cuz Chris, the thing is, I really don't have an American high school diploma, I can't work.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Julie:''' I'm gonna *try* to get doctor, but it's not gonna be easy, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya'. Hmm. Oh, I will definitely give the question some thought. Plenty of thought.

==== 01:13:58 Julie Tries To White-Knight Chris ====

'''Julie:''' Also, I'm really happy- I was looking at- I was looking at the Internet, I was happy to find out that there are a lot of things I can get online that I wasn't able to find in the Molvanîan stores. I was able to... I'd like to set up something called a PayPal, have you heard of it?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. It's pretty good! Maybe-

'''Chris:''' -Yeah.

'''Julie:''' I think I'll get one.

'''Chris:''' Uhh... I usually use Paypal for like, uh... paying or... receiving money for goods I sell on eBay.

'''Julie:''' I didn't realize you sold things on eBay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I did.

[''Julie and Chris talk over each other'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, just various things I didn't need anymore. But it's like you know, it costs money to list- it costs money to list on eBay, and you would have to have a bank account linked to the PayPal account...

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' But it's like you know- knows, it- so then it knows, so they know where to send the money to or take the money from.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I thought of something that might be able to get you money.

'''Chris:''' Hmm?

'''Julie:''' Hey- what if you advertised Sonichu? And, it would gain popularity, and you could sell merchandise... you wouldn't need [[Miyamoto saga|Nintendo]], you could just sell it!

'''Chris:''' Mmm... I don't know about that, uhhm-

'''Julie:''' I think it's a good idea, you really should advertise. Like, in your neighborhood. Maybe in [[Ruckersville]].

'''Chris:''' Umm... I'll give that some thought. I'll give that some thought. [''pause''] I'm not making any promises, I'm not making any promises, but I will gi- I will definitely... greatly consider it.

'''Julie:''' Could I consider something, Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Julie:''' Maybe- you could go outside, do a meet-and-greet. Just walk around Ruckersville and meet a lot of people. Say- just be nice to them and tell them about Sonichu, the popularity will indeed grow.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] That's something-

'''Julie:''' They'll tell their friends.

'''Chris:''' That's something that... in addition... I can think about.

'''Julie:''' I really hope you do, cuz', I really wanna see Sonichu become a main brand- maybe even a video game to come out, something I can play on my PS3. It would be wonderful.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. But you know what's uhh- more wonderful? Or what will be more wonderful?

'''Julie:''' What? What?

'''Chris:''' You being here.

'''Julie:''' I would hope that too. Sadly, the economy is not letting that happen easily. I've said before, I'm tr-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -trying very, very hard to get over there.

'''Chris:''' And your efforts will be greatly rewarded when you come.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I... since. Hmm. I figure you should try and do something. You need to prove to Nintendo that Sonichu is a great idea. I know that as far as what I've heard, they aren't exactly-

'''Chris:''' Yeah, actually... they agreed- they uh, they did, uh, you've heard- they've acknowledged that it is a great idea, but because I was unable to uh make the trip, because I could not afford it- afford the trip- said trip myself, to uh Redmond from Virginia, I mean, even on an airplane, or even in- or even on a- road trip...

==== 01:17:49 Julie's Redmond Plan ====

'''Julie:''' Well Chris, I have like- a step by step plan on what you can do. You can save up for a couple of months, step one. Step two, reserve a cheap airline ticket that can get you to Redmond. Second, bring a trusted friend along- maybe you can get a-hold of [[Cole Smithey]], perhaps?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, I-I-

'''Julie:''' Are you still in touch with him?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...

'''Julie:''' Maybe you could bring... Hmm- you could bring your [[Bob|father]]? Maybe he could help. I've heard he's... he's got [''inaudible''] expertise.

'''Chris:''' [''mumbles''] Mmm maybe my [[Snorlax|mother]]... erm. Or you know, here's a thought... I could bring you.

'''Julie:''' Weeell, I think we could try that, but I-I don't think it'll be in the near future if we try that...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' But by all means...

'''Chris:''' It's uh, gonna be a while before we can uh, save up enough money to uh, actually... save up e- save up like... $800 for like a pair of tickets.

'''Julie:''' I don't think it'll be $800... I think it'll be something... maybe like $500? I'm not sure? But- I'm not positive...

'''Chris:''' Well, time will tell.

'''Julie:''' Well, a couple of months and... you know. You can get there. They'll reimburse you, so it won't be a big loss- maybe-

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' -maybe you can get Sonichu made. You have to assert yourself, as I've said before.

==== 01:19:22 More On Nintendo ====

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it's also- but it's also like you know uh, I thought, I thought yeah- pretty much uh, [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] uh, pretty much gave me a pretty much- a very aggressive talk down to about... the project's cancellation.

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Though Reggie is... the big cheese of Nintendo, you should try-

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -You should try... showing to Reggie that... you are just as capable... as anyone else at Nintendo.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. No I've made-

'''Julie:''' -Show 'em you can... show 'em you can, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUTl1vEG62Q as Reggie once said at E3 I believe? Show 'em you can kick arse and take names.]

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. But I gotta be able to afford the trip first. Then I can show it- then I can show it to him. And uh, after you get here, you can help me with that.

'''Julie:''' I would love to help you with Sonichu. The game. I would love to help you. I honestly would.

'''Chris:''' And you know what else- and you know what else you can help me with in addition to that?

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' [[sweetheart from the ground up|You can keep me emotionally sound... and secure.]]

'''Julie:''' I will, I promise I will.

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh, you know, I- [[BlueSpike|I like your voice]].

'''Julie:''' Ch-Chris. Maybe you should try writing a game design document. Like, all your plans for the game...

'''Chris:''' Yeah-

'''Julie:''' -every plan for the game?

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' -planning things out.

'''Chris:''' I have uhh some... story I- I have some ideas for stories and unlock-ables already... typed up.

'''Julie:''' Well if-if you-if you could type it up or just send it to me, maybe ref-refine it a bit, maybe... send it to me- maybe I can try and...

'''Chris:''' -yeah well it's not complete, well I mean I still have other story details to figure out. But-

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' It's still gonna be a while... for probably even that. And those ideas will be- pretty much will be translated into comics beyond [[Sonichu 10|book number ten]].

==== 01:21:40 About The Next Comic ====

'''Julie:''' Hmm. Oh, that's another question- can I ask you something?

'''Chris:''' Yes?

'''Julie:''' About the next comic... do you think it'll take as long as the last one, or do you think it'll get here sooner?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Urgh, we'll see. Depends on how I feel.

'''Julie:''' I'll do everything in my power to help you.

[''sound of Windows beeping in the background'']

'''Chris:''' And I'll... greatly appreciate that.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Hmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. I should go, uhh... collect my thoughts about everything that we talked about, and... just go and give everything we talked about great consideration... and uh, big deal of thought.

'''Julie:''' A'right. Hey Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' Do you think you can come back here tomorrow for another private chat? I'd enjoy it if you could.

==== 01:22:48 From Behind The Mirror, Clyde Returns! ====

'''Clyde:''' Wow, I've been here the entire time... heh heh heh... under [[Vivian Gee|my cousin's name]], of course. *tsk* And by the way, Julie- how'd you enjoy that Salesman-

'''Julie:''' Clyde, get out of here, you jerk!

'''Clyde:''' How did you enjoy that salesman?

'''Julie:''' How do you- how did you know?

'''Clyde:''' Guess who that was... [''whisper''] Guess who that was...!

'''Chris:''' Get outta here you jerk!

'''Julie:''' It's a troll! ...who was it?

'''Clyde:''' It was me! C'mon I was in- arrg, God, you irritate me sometimes! And next time... I'll bring my [[Megatron pistol|gun]].

'''Julie:''' [''whimpering''] Chris, I'm scared!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

'''Clyde:''' You're all the way over there, what are you gonna do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[Patti|I'll haunt your dreams]].

'''Clyde:''' I don't sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you in your sleep.

'''Clyde:''' I don't... sleep.

'''Chris:''' I'll haunt you at your every waking moment... in your- in the deep crevasses of your mind.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're going to do? Do you want me to just kill Julie and say-

'''Julie:''' -Chris...!

'''Clyde:''' -I'll just haunt you in your dreams? [''cackles maniacally'']

'''Julie:''' [''sounding terrified''] He's gonna kill me Chris, help! Do something, please!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone, you bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's not gonna make me do anything. That's not gonna make me do anything.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Watch out-

'''Clyde:''' Are you going to run, Chris?

[''Julie begins crying and babbling in terror in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' That'll show me. Run away, run away! That'll do it!

'''Chris:''' I'm not running.

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Chris. What are you gonna do.

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Chris? I'm worried...

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] I will be by your- I will always be by your side, Julie.

[''Clyde and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' You can't even make the trip to Redmond... You can't even make that trip!

'''Julie:''' He knows where I live- he has a gun- he's gonna kill me!

[''They stop'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm worried for my life, you have to do something...! You said you'd protect me...!

'''Chris:''' I have God by my side.

'''Clyde:''' [''chuckles''] There is no God, Chris. What are you going to do?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'll pray for Julie's safety. And I'll pray for you to... leave her alone. Ow. I'll definitely-

[''Julie whimpers and sobs in the background'']

'''Clyde:''' Praying... will do nothing, Chris. You couldn't even protect Sarah-! What makes you think you can protect Julie?

'''Chris:''' I'm offering... praying... is my way- is one way of offering... hope.

'''Clyde:''' Hope. Obama- and that will do nothing!-

'''Chris:''' -and piece of mind-

'''Clyde:''' -that will do nothing! ...maybe I should-

'''Chris:''' -it will-

'''Clyde:''' -just show up at her doorstep again.

[''pause'']

==== 01:25:40 Clyde and Chris Argue ====

'''Chris:''' Get outta here ya' bastard.

'''Clyde:''' That's all you're gonna say, g-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' -et outta here, y-you're not going to protect Julie.

'''Chris:''' I'm prot-

'''Julie:''' -Chris!

'''Clyde:''' Well I can see she- worth-

'''Chris:''' I am here. I will protect Julie.

'''Clyde:''' How?

'''Chris:''' You leave- you leave- you leave her alone.

'''Clyde:''' Your words do nothing. You haven't taken action in your life, have you?

'''Chris:''' I have taken more action than you have taken... anything.

'''Clyde:''' That didn't even make sense- when's the last time you been outside your house?

'''Chris:''' -terday.

'''Clyde:''' Doing what? Doing WHAT? At McDonald's? Buying your- whatever-

'''Julie:''' He was getting something for his mother, you JERK- something you probably never... did!

'''Chris:''' Yes, I was getting my mother a cup of coffee.

[''Clyde bursts into hysterical, maniacal laughter'']

'''Clyde:''' Ooooh my God, and tell me, tell me-

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other- Clyde is inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Well laugh now you bastard, but God will strike down, and smite thee.

'''Clyde:''' Smite me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, okay. Tell me what's the most... action thing you've ever done. I ran away from home, living on the streets and living in below-zero temperatures. What have you done, Chris?

[''Extremely long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have stood up...

[''Chris and Clyde talk over each other again; again, Chris wins and Clyde can't be heard until the end'']

'''Chris:''' -for my friends. And myself.

'''Clyde:''' Like [[Megan]], am I right? Am I right?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' You are only... a single, solitary soul. With only as much power as the next one. You are only- you are only trying to talk down to me... and scare... me... and Julie, because you yourself are-

'''Julie:''' -he IS scaring me!

'''Clyde:''' Yes, and you totally protected S-Sarah, didn't you?

'''Julie:''' [''frightened''] Chris, he knows where I live! He says he's gonna kill me! He has-

'''Clyde:''' Of course I know where you live.

[''pause'']

==== 01:28:03 Chris Stands Up To Clyde ====

'''Chris:''' All you're trying to do is just... make yourself- all you're trying to do is- trying to up yourself... make yourself feel superior, when clearly you are not.

'''Clyde:''' Clearly I am. I mean, come on. You can't even... tell me- you said you would like... fight me or something, you said you would inflict pain- c'mon man, you can't even like, I don't know, I don't know, like, any. I'm a little tired right now. Huh. I'm lost for words. There's-There's is no way to describe how pathetic you are. There is no way describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You know what? You calling me pathetic is calling yourself... pathetic. You're about as pathetic as you are describing me as pathetic.

'''Clyde:''' ...what.

'''Chris:''' You're the pathetic one. [''pause''] 'cuz you called me the pathetic one.

'''Clyde:''' Wow, you really are autistic, aren't you.

'''Chris:''' I may be high functioning autistic... but I know... the mindset of the majority of people individually. I have seen [''Windows beeping''] a lot... in my lifetime. I have seen so much. [''pause''] And you are trying to scare me... with your own... infe-with your own... inferiority... and [[slow in the minds|slow wit]].

'''Clyde:''' What do you mean, slow wit? You're the one with autism!

'''Chris:''' You probably suffer from your own mental innis [sic] or physical ailment, don't you.

'''Clyde:''' No, not really. I'm damn good looking. I'm pretty sure you'd be dead gay for me.

'''Chris:''' I bet you're on drugs, aren't you.

'''Julie:''' Chris would never [''inaudible, something about being gay''], you jerk!

'''Chris:''' -okay Julie. I will never be turned.

'''Julie:''' Yeah but Chris he knows where I live, I- mmm... I'm scared.

'''Clyde:''' I'll plan a visit tomorrow okay, Julie? I'll plan a visit tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone!

==== 01:30:23 Russian Roulette ====

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do? What are you going to do?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to play Russian Roulette.

'''Julie:''' Ahh...! Chris!

'''Clyde:''' You know what that is? I put a bullet... in a gun. For a thrill thing. Let's just see if she has the... luck, of an honest and pure girl.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] You know what? You've played Russian Roulette with yourself... I bet. And you've always come out at a loss...

'''Clyde:''' If I lost I would be dead. Y-You know what Russian Roulette is, right?

'''Chris:''' [''Chris tries to be deep and meaningful''] Ooooh, not loss- as in, loss of life... but loss. As in loss- of emotion, of-

==== 01:31:18 Clyde Is Crazy ====

'''Clyde:''' Okay, you know what- forget the Russian Roulette game, I'm just gonna shoot her, how about that?

'''Julie:''' [''fake sounding cries''] Chris! Help! ...Clyde, I'm warning you. My brother has-

'''Clyde:''' What are you gonna do, Julie? What are you gonna do.

'''Chris:''' Dude. She has her brother... to defend her.

'''Clyde:''' Uhh- Her- I've seen her brother, he's pathetic, I could easily kick his arse.

'''Julie:''' I doubt it.

'''Clyde:''' Wait what is?

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, you clearly underestimate a whole lot of people. So many-

'''Clyde:''' Uhh, no I haven't. I easily got rid of [[Robert Simmons V|Robert Simmons]], and I easily got rid of Sarah. I can do the same... again and again... and again and again and again. [''pause''] And again.

'''Chris:''' [[death threats|You really are a psychopath.]]

'''Clyde:''' [[Wikipedia:The Dark Knight (film)|Why so serious?]]

'''Chris:''' You... need to be put in an institution.

'''Clyde:''' Hehe, more like you need to be put in an institution. Hehe. I mean, you're obviously delusional- you really believe... that you- that you can smite me- and that you can stop me, with your words... you really think that.

'''Chris:''' I don't just think that... but I am confident.

'''Clyde:''' You say that you know that- that's just confidence. I know that Julie will be DEAD tomorrow.

'''Chris:''' And I know... that you... are already dead inside.

'''Clyde:''' Yes, I've been dead inside for quite some time, you were right about something. But I'm still living... in this little body of mine... and I will take Julie's... tomorrow.

'''Julie:''' Noo...!

'''Chris:''' You will not.

'''Clyde:''' You're right, you're right, I won't. I'll just leave her... I don't know. I don't know what I'll do.

'''Julie:''' What are you gonna do!?

'''Clyde:''' -she's a nice woman, she deserves to live. You don't, Chris- you don't deserve to live.

'''Chris:''' A'right if you've got the guts to say that, why don't you come over to my house in Ruckersville Virginia, you bastard?

'''Clyde:''' Why should I? I'd be making the game too easy. And I... why don't you come to me?

'''Chris:''' Oh. I could easily come to you. But the question is, are you... are you, so called, brave enough to actually come to the man who you think you could take down easily... but you obviously fear so much.

'''Clyde:''' You know the point of me doing this is so that you come to me, you do know that right?[''pause''] What, are you going to hide behind your parents? Your mother and father will protect you- is that what's going to happen?

'''Chris:''' ...do not interrupt me, because I was at a trail of thought. [''pause''] Without me, your rage goes on without a point.

'''Clyde:''' W-Well yeah, that's the point. My rage will die when you die. That's... kind of the point.

'''Chris:''' And then what would you do?

'''Clyde:''' And then I could feel at peace.

==== 01:35:05 Clyde's Backstory... ====

'''Chris:''' You would feel at peace, huh. Yet I bet- that actually you could say the same thing about somebody else who probably has abused you in your lifetime.

'''Clyde:''' No.

'''Chris:''' You said you ran away from home.

'''Clyde:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Was it something- was it- did you run away from home because your mother, or your father, or maybe both of them... was- was uhh, abusing you?

'''Clyde:''' It was nothing like that, it was for a girl. That was a pretty bad lead in my opinion, but I've gotten over that. I'm here. And I want to do something terrible. I should write down my plan, right now.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

[''pause'']

'''Clyde:''' So what are you gonna do. Whatcha gonna do. [''long pause''] Nothing apparently.

'''Chris:''' No...! I am going to do something.

'''Clyde:''' Go to McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' Chris, you really need to do something, I'm scared!

[''long pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm doing something Julie. I'm standing up for you.

'''Julie:''' Yes, but he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' I bet you can't even stand up, could you? Ha ha ha...

'''Chris:''' You just leave- you leave her alone. You let- you let- you let her live, you leave her... physically unharmed. Cuz, just as easily, I can call the police on you.

'''Clyde:''' A'right, do it. [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I will tell 'em the whole story. About you, and [[Ryan Cash|Ryan]], and uh- what you did... they can- they can and will find you.

'''Clyde:''' Well, a'right, look. My actual house is in Australia, a'right? But you're not gonna find anything there- you're just gonna find... woo. A bunch of weed I left back there, okay? I mean, you're gonna hide behind the police... and that's not gonna do anything because, you know, I am in America so- they aren't gonna do anything.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well, let me ask you something. How could you afford... a trip to... Australia and back with every fare you could go quickly.

'''Clyde:''' It's called an inheritance. An inheritance. An inheritance.

'''Chris:''' You ran away from home, how did you inherit something?

'''Clyde:''' Of course, I'm not a stupid person. I made up with my parents before they mysteriously died for some reason.

'''Chris:''' I'm taking a [[Pocket knife|stab]] at this, but you killed them?

'''Clyde:''' No. They uh... carbon monoxide.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris sounds triumphant''] Carbon monoxide.

'''Clyde:''' It's some- ruhg. Look, never mind, you're too stupid to figure this out.

'''Chris:''' No, I am not stupid. I have- I have perfectly... understanding... what carbon monoxide is.

'''Clyde:''' Then what is it?

'''Chris:''' It's a poisonous gas.

'''Clyde:''' Where do you think that normally comes from? There's so many general- hehehe... accidental carbon monoxide poisonings.

'''Chris:''' [[autism|I can obviously tell because uh- you definitely killed them with your c- with the carbon monoxide, because you are putting so much emphasis on accidental.]] You can set it- you can set it- you have obviously set up something that would... LEAK. The carbon monoxide... and kill your parents. What did you have against your parents?

'''Clyde:''' Man you jump to conclusions... like a [[wikipedia:Office Space|jump to conclusions mat]]. You seriously need help, you autistic fuck.

'''Chris:''' Oh- *I'M* the one who jumps to conclusions? Well you jump to- you jump to conclusions of me being [[Chris and English|uncapable]] of doing anything.

==== 01:39:46 Chris Won't Leave His Filthy Shithole ====

'''Clyde:''' You are uncapable [sic] of doing anything, I know that. [''pause''] What, am I right? Am I right? Just admit it. [''pause''] Oh God- every single woman, you wanted them to come to your house, you wanted... Sarah to come to your house, you wanted Julie to come to your house, you are so lazy- why don't you leave your house? [[obesity|And drop a few pounds]].

'''Julie:''' God, stop it! That's enough!

'''Clyde:''' It's true isn't it, Julie, though? Is it true?

'''Julie:''' No it's not, you're lying, stop it!

'''Clyde:''' He is lazy. He's not going to come to you, you have to come to him- you have to sacrifice everything. He just sits at home and... you know... plays his PS3.

'''Julie:''' You're lying!

'''Clyde:''' -plays his PS3. Isn't that right?

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Yes, you are lying.

'''Julie:''' Stop it!

'''Chris:''' Listen-

'''Clyde:''' -I'm right!

'''Julie:''' He IS lying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, listen. Listen Clyde- if I could, I would come to- come to Julie personally, I would. But I have a lot at stake here. I leave- if I leave my house... a-and I mean, I don't know Julie's address. I don't know where she is right now. A-An if I had... and if I had- if I uh, had the address, I would most definitely go to her because she is- [''incomprehensible stammering, stress sigh''] -she would be there... to accept me. And let me in.

'''Julie:''' Chris?

'''Chris:''' Yeah?

'''Julie:''' I know... I know that I said I would like you to come to me, but... I feel it would be better for you if I went to your house. That was my decision. I would... like to go to your place.

'''Chris:''' Thank you, Julie. I appreciate that but- I'm jus- I'm just letting you know...

'''Julie:''' Actually, Chris-

'''Clyde:''' NO. I will never-

'''Julie:''' This is actually a very hard choice-

'''Clyde:''' No... Julie, I'm not going to let you-

'''Julie:''' ...this is actually a choice...

'''Clyde:''' -never going to let you leave.

'''Julie:''' CLYDE! Fine.

'''Chris:''' SHUT THE FUCK UP.

'''Clyde:''' No. I won't.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I need to think about this. I will think about this. Who's going to go where.

'''Clyde:''' You can't think while you're dead, you know that right?

'''Julie:''' This is... this is a somewhat hard choice for me to make, Chris. But I assure you- something will be done.

'''Clyde:''' You're going to let them [''inaudible''], let them walk out, sacrifice her safety... just for you? Ooooh- you ARE pathetic man, you know that, right?

[''sound of random junk bumping around, an occasional stress sigh, long pause'']

==== 01:42:56 More Insults ====

'''Chris:''' I tell you what. You, Clyde... are so small.

'''Clyde:''' More insults. That's going to stop me. You're gonna hurt my feelings so much I'm just... stay inside my hotel, and-

'''Chris:''' I don't have-

[''Chris, Julie and Clyde talk over each other- only Chris is audible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't have- I don't have-

'''Julie:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' I don't have to hurt your feel-

'''Julie:''' What do you think about what I said? Do you agree with what I said Chris?

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. I-I hear you, Julie.

'''Julie:''' Thank you.

'''Chris:''' Y-yeah. Anyway. You are small... [''stress sigh''] You think you can talk down... to anybody. You feel superior. When clearly, you are not. So therefore, you are definitely the small one in this room.

'''Clyde:''' Why am I pathetic? That I actually went out the world, saw everything...

'''Chris:''' I-It's because-

'''Clyde:''' -instead of playing my PS3.

'''Chris:''' Because you stooped so low... to try and hurt other people, to try and make yourself feel better. That... is pathetic. Thinking that... hurting others... will compensate for anything, for the better, when clearly it does not.

'''Troll:''' [''whisper''] AOmm...

==== 01:44:23 Chris Tries To Monologue Clyde To Death ====

'''Chris:''' All it does is just... [''whisper''] hurts... [''normal''] the other people, and it hurts yourself further... because... you hurt... others, against God's will, and you can only... try to tone that pain down... with your own self abuse... in your- with your- in your own... weed... and whatnot. That- that's just sad. You have my PITY. [''pause''] You have my pity, Clyde. And I'm sorry that- I'm sorry that Ryan... committed suicide over the one mistake I made in protest of that ED page... but you do not need to harm anybody, you do not need to kill anybody, because all that will do is just hurt yourself further. Because after your- after your supposedly... you supposedly did this revenge act, then what would you do? You don't- you don't know. But you say yourself, that you will be at peace-

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! That- that's my goal, to be at peace!

'''Chris:''' But does it really... fulfill... your emotional needs-

'''Clyde:''' Yeah. Yeah, it does. It really does.

'''Chris:''' It does- it will not. [[death threats|Harming others does not accomplish anything.]]

'''Clyde:''' Chris, you know all about harming others. You harm people every day. Your parents have to support you, every single day, they hurt inside. They hurt so much.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I know they hurt. And I feel their pain.

'''Clyde:''' You are the CAUSE of their pain. They probably regret birthing you every single day.

'''Chris:''' They do not. They appreciate it. They appreciate every moment. They have put so much time and effort in me- transforming me from... a mental nu- a mental case... to a- to a social pers- to a social butterfly... who can do s- who can do so much more than any other low-functioning autistic person can ever do. And for one thing? If they had not raised me the way they did, I would not be on the Internet, talking to... [[trolls|all the people]] I have been talking to. [[Chris and his ego|I am a warrior in my own rights]] and my own personality.

'''Clyde:''' So that's why your parents got you that [[abusive babysitter|babysitter]]... to GIVE you your autism in the first place, isn't it?

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' Clyde, I think that's enough.

'''Clyde:''' No, I want him to answer this.

'''Chris:''' It's okay Julie. They did not know better about the babysitter. How could they?

'''Clyde:''' Alright.

'''Chris:''' Nobody but- It's not like uh, they knew the mindset of the babysitter. Nobody knows the mindset of any individual right off the bat. They have to get to- They have to actually take a little time to see inside them for how good or bad a person they are. And that takes a lot of time and energy. And my mother and father, in my lifetime, saw so much good in me, and all- I have been- and all I have shown for them was a lot of- was a lot of equal good. Some mistakes were made, yes. And I will not deny it, but I appreciate my mother and father, every day of my life. Because without them, I would not be a mainstream socially acceptable kind of man that I am today.

'''Clyde:''' Let me tell you, let me ask you something from your brother, uhh, [[Cole Smithey]], I believe.

'''Chris:''' Half.

'''Clyde:''' He said your parents, Bob and Barbara, met at a bar. And they concepted you out of a drunken stupor.

'''Chris:''' What.

'''Clyde:''' Your parents birthed you because they were drunk. They didn't know what they were doing.

'''Chris:''' They were not-

'''Clyde:''' gave birth to a failure like you.

'''Chris:''' Listen, they were not drunk. They were-

'''Clyde:''' Ask them about it. Cole Smithey told you years ago to ask them about it but you never did, did you? Why don't you go ask them?

==== 01:49:20 Sex in the City, you Faggot ====

'''Chris:''' You listen to me. Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. It- I was truly a miracle. It's like, I'm just like a man with only one ball and a woman with only one ovary. Which by the way, I picked that up from an episode of [[Homos|Sex in the City]].

'''Clyde:''' Wuh- that's nice that you watch Sex in the City. You faggot. Anyway, ahhh-

'''Chris:''' Anyway-

'''Clyde:''' Sex in the City is for girls, you do know that right?

'''Chris:''' I feel that- that shows that are supposedly aimed for girls are- are best- are best set for- are best viewable by those of both genders. Because men can attribute very well- very- in a positive way emotionally from such emotionally enriching programs. And also, less wars would be caused if men were more emotionally [''audio break''] -iked as such- more emotionally caring and understanding. Like women are.

==== 01:50:51 War! ====

'''Clyde:''' You do know wars have been caused for political reasons, not because men don't care. It's not about “ease of mental understanding feelings”, it's because of political gain. Power and corruption. What is wrong with you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Those people who have fought for power are clearly, were clearly not very well off themselves because they had to hide behind power themselves. So many people hid behind- hide behind one thing or another. I don't have to hide behind anything to prove myself. Anything or anyone.

[''Julie makes moaning noises in the background as Chris talks'']

'''Clyde:''' You do know that uh, even [[Operation BARBarossa|Hitler]] had a girlfriend?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I have heard that.

==== 01:51:53 Chris sucks ====

'''Clyde:''' My god Chris. Do you not understand? You are pathetic. Completely pathetic. Apparently- I'm surprised you managed to get three women interested in you. And yet you're not going to do anything. Come on Julie. If you stick with this man you will be making the worst mistake of your life.

'''Chris:''' Wu- well-

'''Julie:''' That's not true!

'''Clyde:''' Name three redeeming qualities that Chris has.

'''Julie:''' There are too many to name! There are so many, I would have to make a lot of paragraphs all about them. And every quality he has is why I like him. And love him. So step off.

'''Clyde:''' Okay, Chris, let me tell you something. Where do you think Autism comes from?

'''Chris:''' Scientifically speaking it has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] Then why do you say a babysitter did it?! That's not drugs or uh, whatever the other thing you said. Genetics!

'''Chris:''' The ba- ba- stop. The babysitter locked me in a room by myself. Without anybody else to play with or socially interact with. That's just, that's just a real-life event that brought out the uh, curse that was buried within me. From the genetics, or the uh, medication.

'''Clyde:''' Stop lying to me. You don't have autism, you're just using it as an excuse to blame all your problems.

'''Chris:''' I have- I have [[Autism papers|medical papers]] I have, that prove- that prove that I was- that I did have autism. That's-

'''Clyde:''' [''interrupting''] That was in the [[1980s]]. Get a REAL diagnosis!

==== 01:53:57 Suddenly Chris loses the plot ====

'''Chris:''' My first word- I said my first word when I was two weeks old.

'''Clyde:''' Impossible. No man can learn a language that fast.

'''Chris:''' Believe it or not, I was in my mother's arms, and there was a woman witness aside from my mother, and I said “monkey”.

'''Clyde:''' [''laughing''] Are you sure you didn't say “McDonald's”?

'''Chris:''' I was trying to say mommy, but instead I said monkey.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. If you get a real diagnosis, like now, you know what they'll call you? They'll just call you an idiot. Cuz that's what you are. You don't have autism, don't blame it on that.

'''Chris:''' You're right. I don't have to blame everything on autism. But I am and was- I was at least. And I am a man, and I have recovered beyond- from beyond that. I have come out of my own autistic shell. And have- and have conquered so many boundaries that any low-functioning autistic person would only be too scared to leap over.

'''Clyde:''' [''Enraged''] They are not scared! What is wrong with you?! They have actual mental issues! You don't!

'''Chris:''' Right, they were inhibited. But I have conquered my inhibitions. You're right, I should not have to blame my autism. Because clearly I have conq- clearly I have overcome it.

'''Clyde:''' You didn't overcome anything. You were just lazy from the start. You didn't want to make friends, you just said “Oh they're gay, I don't want to be their friend”. You know high-functioning autism is a lie, it's a complete lie.

'''Chris:''' It may be a lie from your point of view,

'''Clyde:''' It's not a point of view, it's fact, it's fact.

'''Chris:''' Maybe from your point of view, but-

'''Clyde:''' I just said not point of view! It's a fact.

'''Chris:''' It may be. But it describes an origin.

==== 01:56:37 The terrible truth of High-Functioning Autism ====

'''Clyde:''' Look- look it up yourself! Look up high-functioning autism. Who actually agrees with it? No one! Only actual autism or that Asperger's thing, but no such thing as high-functioning autism. No such thing.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh, pause'']

'''Clyde:''' As I said, get a real diagnosis! Now! And see what they say about you.

'''Chris:''' I may consider that.

'''Clyde:''' Don't consider it, do it. I want you to know the truth. Maybe then I won't hurt Julie. We'll make a deal. I won't hurt her if you just do my demands. And they're simple demands, not crazy stupid ones.

'''Julie:''' Chris, please.

'''Clyde:''' What's that Julie? You want him to do it?

'''Julie:''' I just want you to leave me alone Clyde!

'''Clyde:''' I will! If Chris does what I ask.

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will see- I will look into getting a more updated diag- analysis of my autism.

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that means that I think you're gonna be lying again. And you know how much I hate lies.

'''Chris:''' Clyde, I tell you nothing but the truth.

'''Clyde:''' You have been lying this whole time.

'''Chris:''' Well, as far as my autism goes, we shall soon see. I will find somebody to test me, and we will soon see what it says on the paper.

'''Clyde:''' Okay. Look it up on Wikipedia. High-functioning autism, right now. I want you to look that up. Alright?

'''Chris:''' Fair enough.

'''Clyde:''' See the part were it says “Classification”? It's not a recognized diagnosis.

[''annoying loud clattering as Chris types'']

'''Chris:''' I'm typing it.

'''Clyde:''' -As said in the 1980s as a crazy voodoo economics blah blah blah. Okay? You get a real diagnosis. This to why. This it doesn't exist anymore, today's society.

'''Chris:''' Hmm, say that again?

'''Clyde:''' Read the part where it says classification. Read it. Read it to me. If you can read.

'''Chris:''' It says here it's not a recognized diagnosis in the DSM, oh, Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly! It's not recognized.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' So do you know what that means Chris?

'''Chris:''' [''brief pause''] Give me a moment and I will answer that question. I wish to read further in this document.

'''Clyde:''' It's a simple sentence with simple comprehension! It's not a- it's not a recognized diagnosis. So what does that mean? That they diagnosed you with something that doesn't exist!

[''All quiet on the Weston front. Finally Chris speaks.'']

'''Chris:''' Alright. From this, from the one sentence, in this said I was never with a mental block.

'''Clyde:''' Exactly. You never had a mental block.

'''Chris:''' Fine. I agree.

'''Clyde:''' Now why do you blame everything on your autism when you don't have it? What was really stopping you Chris?

[''Very long pause, approximately fifty seconds. Occasional typing in the background.'']

'''Clyde:''' Maybe you should... make a video... to your so-called fans. Maybe that'll help you stop me. You think that'll stop me? No, it won't.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. A'right, so what- so to answer your question... the only thing that was stopping- the only thing that was stopping me from... this, was... because I was- I was- I was less able to... interpret non-verbal cues.

'''Clyde:''' W-W-What are you talking about. Look, I mean, come on man- you're 26 years old, you live with your parents, and now you don't have this mental block- what are you gonna blame it on? You can't get it- you don't have a job, I-I-even if you were given all the money in the world, you wouldn't be able to figure out how to rent an apartment. You wouldn't even know how to cook, you don't know how to clean, you are a pathetic excuse for a man.

=== 02:03:09 Chris is Educated On Cooking, Living in Filth ===

'''Chris:''' Sir! I will have you know that in high school I took two home economics classes, so I am very well educated- so I am educated on cooking. And, I have been cleaning... a whole bunch of [[chandler cats|cat poo]]. As well as some cat pee. And recently, when I overflowed a commode I had to clean some of the wat- a little bit of the water that ha- that was on the floor, with 409 and paper towels. Aaand I am capable-

[''Clyde appears to have some kind of laughter based seizure in the background'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of loading the washing- the uh, washing machine, with clothes of a white- or a [[Chris and Race#Black_people|colored]]... and put in some laundry d- and put in some laundry detergent from... a single [[fapcup|cup]]... out of a whole box, close the lid, and start the washing machine. And then transfer everything to the drier... and start the drier. And also I am capable of loading the dishwasher... with the dishes... on the bottom and the cups- and the cups and the mugs on the top rack... putting some powdered detergent in there... and starting the dishwasher. I am also capable of uh... using of a- hand washing the uh dishes, the cloth- the wash- the- the dish cloths and such... I am also capable of uh, taking the garbage bags out of the garbage can... and putting an empty garbage bag into the garbage can... and taking the garbage- taking the garbage bag... taking the bags full of garbage up to the top of the hill, to be burned in the barrel. And also, the cans will be- will be- will be in the c- will be in the bags, and they go to the [[recycling]] facility.

[''Chris seems very impressed with his remarkably mundane list of abilities'']

'''Clyde:''' Congratulations! You can do anything that a normal person can do. I con- [''sound of windows beeping in the background''] -[[Count Graduon|gradulate]] you. [''pause''] Lemme tell you something- you need two classes to tell you how to do that? God- you can't support yourself, you can't- you can't support a family. God you make me so angry.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Tell me, why do I make you angry?

'''Clyde:''' Because you are a pathetic excuse for a man. And I'm trying to protect these women, with, you know, whatever I have to do to get them away from you. That is why Sarah is no longer talking to you. I have convinced her that you are a pathetic excuse for a man, you can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Clyde:''' And so far you haven't proven otherwise- you still live with your parents, you still don't have a job, you failed to go to Nintendo- I mean God, that was a golden opportunity and you failed miserably. So what do you have to say to that.

[''pause'']

==== 02:06:22 Paging Mr Floyd, Your Wall Is Back ====

'''Chris:''' I did not have the money to... make the trip, but-

'''Clyde:''' Because you do not have a job.

'''Chris:''' No, because- no, it was because I was compulsive with spending. And I did not... have enough saved at the moment. But I am s- but I am saving-

'''Clyde:''' How much do you have m- how much money do you have saved at the moment? How much money do you have saved, from what you get from the government. That's it. If you had a job, you would have plenty of money to go. You know that $300 is... barely anything for someone with a job.

'''Chris:''' $300 dollars. You're thinking I get $300 a month...

'''Clyde:''' You would get well more than that if you HAD A JOB! [''Clyde sounds enraged'']

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I got news for you. I heard I'd get $800 a month.

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde begins to crack''] God you- [''Windows beeping''] get- way more than $800 a month IF YOU HAD A JOOOOB.

[''pause'']
[[Image:wall.jpg|thumb|right|This is what Clyde is arguing against.]]
'''Chris:''' And it increases with every... year... on my birth month.

'''Clyde:''' You do realize that people make thousands more a month, with something called- [''deep intake of breath''] A JOOOOOOB!

'''Chris:''' I am aware of that. But I just do not feel... at the time... that I need to be... in a job, because, I am getting the money from the [[monthly tugboat|social security]]... and my fath- and my father's assured me that it's more than- that it's more than anyone can make... in a jooooob...

'''Clyde:''' Are you- are you- are you an IDIOT!? You could EASILY make more than $800 a month with a JOOOOOB. Look- I'm pretty sure you could make more on minimum wage!

'''Chris:''' Well that's just, pretty much, shows what you know. Have you ever had a job?

'''Clyde:''' Of course. I've had [sic] one right now. A driving job. Where I drive people around tonnes of places. Sure, gas is expensive, but I make more than enough. And I love driving, it's my favorite thing- [''Clyde's voice becomes stalkerish''] I love it so much.

'''Chris:''' I mean- lemme- lemme ask. Limo... or taxi?

'''Clyde:''' It's my own, personal, driving business.

'''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.

==== 02:08:44 Chris's Skills ====

'''Clyde:''' You can make your own job. If it's a service people want. Which is more than I can say for [''inaudible''], there's tons of people without cars. And I get get them places. So Chris- what are your skills? What can you do?

[''significant pause'']

'''Chris:''' Actually I'd say basically I'm... [[obesity|all-round]]. But you see, that's a problem- I have too many... skills that I am good at. You might say-

'''Clyde:''' [''Clyde seems naturally incredulous and angry''] If you're so good at them, then get a job in ANY ONE of those skills. C'mon!

'''Chris:''' You might- you might say I'm a jack of all trades... and master of none.

'''Clyde:''' Then get something with minimum wage- c'mon man, that is th- that is the worst excuse I've ever heard. [''Clyde adopts a mocking tone''] I'm too GOOOOD for all these things, I'm not gonna get a job! [''normal voice''] That is the worst excuse I've ever heard.

[''pause, large amount of background noise and static'']

'''Chris:''' I am cap- I am capable... and willing... to get a job... whenever I want to. But I just want to make sure that I have a job where I would feel... most comfortable- most comfortable... with [''Windows beeping''], where I would feel- where I would not feel that I was being... pigeoned-holed for my skills... and that I was making fu- that I was making good use of my uh- skills as well. And-

'''Clyde:''' No you don't.

'''Chris:''' And defin- and also... make enough- make if possible, over a thousand a month.

'''Clyde:''' You could easily make over a thousand a month. I mean, Christ man, you have two degrees in this CAAAAAAAAD thing, right?

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have earned those, yes. It's-

'''Clyde:''' What have you done with those? What have you DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I have designed the [[CWCville Shopping Mall|CWCville shopping center]].

'''Clyde:''' Show me. Show me this. Show me. I'd love to see it.

'''Chris:''' It would take a whole bunch of scanning.

'''Clyde:''' You've got time. Send it to me. You know my e-mail- you know, GREGG MAYS- with three g's. And what else have you done with your degree?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I have put more perspective into my artwork. And my creativity.

'''Clyde:''' What do you get from your artwork? NOTHING. You don't get money from your artwork.

'''Chris:''' Maybe not, but it was uh- but it is- it is something that is capable of... enjoying. At my own personal pace.

====02:11:41 Clyde Loses It ====

'''Clyde:''' No- I am also capable of enjoying blowjobs, okay? But doesn't mean- I CAN'T MAKE MONEY OFF THAT. [''pause, quietly''] In fact that costs me.[''normal''] But ANYWAY. [''dramatic''] What... can you do... that makes... MONEY. You are a PARASITE on America's teat [''inaudible'']. You just LEACH off the government, getting money that- those who- money just because you're autistic- WHICH YOU ARE NOT. You're just leaching off the government. [''pause''] People with actual jobs support your lazy arse.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I am capable of... standing up... and supporting myself, wh- when I am... when I am ready to. But I like to feel like I-

'''Clyde:''' [''exploding''] You're 26 years old, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT READY?!

'''Chris:''' I like to feel like I have a woman by- by my side to help me make sound decisions. [''digital sound in the background''] At the right time.

'''Clyde:''' Spoiler alert: you're never going to get a woman. [''pause''] You know what? You wouldn't even like it-

'''Julie:''' Yes he will! Me!

'''Clyde:''' Be quiet. I'm talking, Julie. I'm trying to tell you-

'''Julie:''' No!

'''Clyde:''' -how pathetic he is, you need to see what this man-

'''Julie:''' No! No!

'''Clyde:''' -is the worst mistake of your life!

'''Julie:''' You're a jerk!

'''Clyde:''' No- no. I'm trying to help him. You know my cousin [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]? She's been trying to help this fool... and guess what? Nothing has worked. [''Clyde stammers uncontrollably''] -get actual help. What have you done, Chris- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] I... am seeing my pastoral counselor. [[Rocky Shoemaker]]... on a weekly basis.

'''Clyde:''' And how has she helped your life?

'''Chris:''' She is helping me grab a more s- stable, s-sense in my mind, and capable of uh understanding... [''another, identical digital sound''] p-pieces of my... pieces... around here and there.

'''Clyde:''' That doesn't make SENSE! See an ACTUAL psychologist.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well. She may- she is- she may not have a degree in psychology, but I feel that her work is greatly... greater that w-w-w-wait a minute, lemme rephrase that. [''muttering''] Gimme a moment... [''sharp intake of air, normal voice''] She is... wonderful. And... certainly more than any... $25 an hour-per-visit psychologist can do. And I have seen a $25 dollar an hour psychiatrist... Dr Price. I forgot his first name.

[''Chris confuses a psychologist, someone who simply counsels their patient, with a psychiatrist; someone who can provide the aforementioned council but may also prescribe powerful anti-psychotic and anti-convulsive medication. Reference: http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/f/psychologist.htm . It's interesting to wonder which one he actually saw, especially since the name of the doctor on his [[autism papers]] isn't Price, it's probably not the same doctor. As for the first name of the doctor who treated him, all signs point to [http://www.vitals.com/doctors/Dr_Douglas_B_Price.html Douglas].'']

'''Clyde:''' And what did this... Price guy... do?

'''Chris:''' When I was... when I was required by [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]... or more specifically, the real life [[Mary Lee Walsh]]... to uh, see Dr Price... he helped me sort out some [[Chris and anger|anger management]] i- sort out some anger management issues I had... at that time. And also allowed me to- and also helped me... in... putting my sweetheart search in perspective. And how to improve on that... and I think uh, that from his help I was able to uh... more comfort- more comfortably at my own pace actually make some good- make a good- good number of gal-pals and then find uh, and then eventually find one that uh, would be my true sweetheart.

'''Julie:''' And it'll be me, Clyde. Don't you think otherwise you jerk!

[''pause'']

==== 02:15:34 Clyde Can't Beat The Wall ====

'''Clyde:''' [''stress sigh''] Uhgh... I've got nothing. I- I can't even begin to describe how pathetic you are.

'''Chris:''' You see-

'''Julie:''' He's rubber you're glue, everything you say bounces offa him and sticks to you.

'''Clyde:''' Chris used that insult a while ago. That- insults do nothing. I'm citing some real life things I know about Chris, and I'm using it against him, I mean- you say that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] is full of lies but every single thing on it is true. I know the people there. I know who [[Blanca]] is. [''whisper''] I know all these people. [''normal''] Yet you seem... urgh. You think that ED twists your words around- they're YOUR WORDS. People are just interpreting as such.

'''Chris:''' [''smug''] Exactly. MIS-interpreting them.

==== 02:16:27 Chris Doesn't Know Why Megan Left ====

'''Clyde:''' They are YOUR WORDS. I mean, why do you think [[Megan]] left? Why do you think Megan left.

[''long pause'']
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|right|Some of Chris's tender honesty.]]
'''Chris:''' I CAN answer that... and I am just try- and I am trying to think- and I am thinking... of a good way... to phrase it. In my own a- in my own honest and [[Chris and his ego|humble]] opinion. [''long pause''] Simply put I was... very- I was... emotional. And I tried to outreach- I tried to reach out for her in an emotional sense... with... tender- with [[Rape|tender honesty]]... and uh... a gentle... hand on the shoulder... apparently I got to close. And she felt uncomfortable, and she just forced me away.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious''] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|YOU DREW A PICTURE OF YOU HAVING SEX WITH HER.]] What is wrong with you!

'''Chris:''' That was... after the ED page, and I did that in protest against it.

'''Clyde:''' [''angry''] That doesn't even make sense! You drew that out of your... God, I don't even know- wanna think... sexual deviant. That is why Megan left you, because you are way too fucking creepy for her. She put up with you for [[Megan Saga|two years]] while you touched her and... GOD, I don't wanna think about it. So for two years she put up with you. And what do you do? You draw a picture of you having sex with her.

'''Chris:''' For your information, it's hard to tell, because... I had her- I had her eyes... censored. Just like you would see on any television... program. Of-

'''Clyde:''' Chris-

'''Chris:''' -that sort.

[[Image:Christine Weston Chandler’s Lot Of 32 Porn Drawings 07.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Crumple-Lope]], or as the Commonwealth of Virginia might one day refer to it as, 'Exhibit A'. This is where the remains of Chris's horrible drawing presumably lie.]]
[[File:Christine Weston Chandler’s Lot Of 32 Porn Drawings 01.jpg|thumb|right|"I have actually done it up into bits and pieces."]]

'''Clyde:''' You... told her. That it was her. She knew that it was you. It's just between you, and Megan- it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, that ED, no trolls, [''inaudible''] -have lost, whatever. It's between you and Megan. You screwed it up. You're the only one to blame.

'''Chris:''' Yes. I made the mistake. [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC|I do not deny it]]. And I blame myself for uh, having drawn that picture. In fact... I have actually done it up into bits and pieces, and I have the pieces tucked away in a crumple-lope [''sic. Presumably he means envelope.'']. That one drawing.

'''Clyde:''' You know what? That's an improvement. That is something of an improvement. But that still doesn't make up for everything else you've done.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh''] I will not-

'''Clyde:''' Lemme tell you something. Why do you hate [[homos|gay people?]] You know [''voice goes to a whisper''] [[Vivian Gee|my cousin]] is the biggest... lesbian. [''normal voice''] So why do you hate them?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' That is... I just do. I have had the bad experiences, against... I forget his last name at the moment. But- he was the Principal at- Oh yes. Doctor Johnson of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary.]] The principal. He was a h- he was uh, the homo... that pretty much set me against... the homos and further kept me on the [[homo#fear of becoming a homo|straight path]]. And plus, if I was ever a ho- if I was ever- if I ever, if I were ever... had any attractions to the men, then I would be uh- more inclined to associate with them, but I have rarely associated with a man. I've felt more comfortable with the women. And-

[[File:Asperchu Principal Parody.JPG|thumb|right|After Chris told [[Alec]] about Principal Johnson, it was parodied in [[Asperchu]].]]

[''Clyde talks over Chris'']

'''Clyde:''' Chris, that is a lie. That is a lie.

==== 02:20:15 Chris Stacks Lies On Lies ====

'''Chris:''' I've felt more attracted... to...

'''Clyde:''' Chris, did you watch the Super Bowl?

'''Chris:''' I did not watch the Super Bowl.

'''Clyde:''' With your male friends- COME ON. Just because they're your friends doesn't mean it has to be GAY.

'''Chris:''' I guess-

'''Clyde:''' Just because one. Bad. Person. Just ruined it, doesn't mean every single person is bad. Just like Mary Lee Walsh is a terrible woman doesn't mean all women are bad, right?

'''Chris:''' I guess... [''pause''] Yes. I agree with you with that statement.

'''Clyde:''' [''annoyed''] So why do you hate them so much?

'''Chris:''' I never really said... that I hated them. That is another misinterpretation-

'''Clyde:''' [''explodes''] YES YOU DID, [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|YOU SAID IT IN YOUR VIDEOS]], DON'T LIE TO ME! ...lies.

'''Chris:''' Okay well, okay, I was misunderstood. I may have chosen a wrong choice of words.

'''Clyde:''' [''furious, quoting Chris''] ''I HATE THEM''. HOW... ELSE...! HOW CAN YOU MIS- DAAAAAAGOD! That is just BLATANT HATRED. That is just blatant hatred.

'''Chris:''' It was obviou-

'''Clyde:''' Then why did you-

'''Chris:''' It was obviously misplaced rage.

'''Clyde:''' For a thing that happened to you years ago.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Clyde:''' You can't blame- you blame that principle all you want, I agree with you on that. If they feed you something terrible, then that's fine. But way you can hate EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

'''Chris:''' You are right! I do not hate every single... person. I mean, I will respect... and only respect... my fellow maaan. And, pretty much acquaint to [''sic'']... only friends- only friends with a man. I am willing to associate... with my- with my fellow man. [''pause''] But fo- but fortunately God has blessed me with a majority of [[Gal-pals|female friends]], to show me that... to show me how to get to [''sic''] more in touch with my emotions because... if you- if you notice in the definition of autism, defini- er- er-... [''stress sigh''] We have- we autistics have a lack... in the uh non-verbal... non-verbal communications and misinterpreting them... and with that we are unable-

'''Clyde:''' [''furious again''] I JUST SAID YOU WEREN'T AUTISTIC. You aren't! That is a lie! You're- [''Windows beeping''] blaming autism AGAIN.

'''Chris:''' I am not blaming my autism. I'm just describing... a couple of traits among the autistic people.

'''Clyde:''' Which you aren't. [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah w-w... autistic people also... have the inability-

'''Clyde:''' -which I just said you AREN'T. So why are you bringing it up?

[''The Wall keeps talking, simply ignoring Clyde'']

'''Chris:''' ...the inability to express their emotions... soundly. With- without understanding.

==== 02:23:23 Clyde Demands A Video ====

'''Clyde:''' A'right. Listen to me- I'll give you a two day reprieve. Just make a video to YouTube. Three minutes, [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|proclaiming your love for men. how gay you are]], and I'll give you a three day break. You try to save Julie. Well I guess [''inaudible''] or something. If you don't do it within the next-

'''Julie:''' Wait- wait!

'''Clyde:''' THREE hours... I will- w-well, we'll see Julie's funeral... in a few weeks, then. A'right? You understand me?

'''Julie:''' Oh god-!

'''Chris:''' -you shut up-

'''Julie:''' -oh GOD!

'''Chris:''' Clyde, you shut up. I'm straight.

[''Clyde, Julie and Chris all talk at once; this is all I can make out'']

'''Chris:''' I will never be-

'''Clyde:''' -make a video to YouTube, I will destroy your image.

'''Julie:''' Chris, I think he means it!

[''They stop talking over each other'']

'''Clyde:''' And if you don't do it? I will... I don't wanna kill Julie. Just... maybe just cut off an arm.

'''Chris:''' You leave her alone.

[''Julie begins to cry in the background'']

'''Julie:''' Chris, please, Chris, he knows where I live!

'''Clyde:''' Well-

'''Chris:''' You leave Julie alone. I am straight-

'''Julie:''' He's going to do it! He's going to do it!

'''Chris:''' -and I will never admit the opposite.

'''Clyde:''' So you're not gonna make that video.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Make another reasonable request.

'''Clyde:''' That is a pretty reasonable request. I mean-

'''Chris:''' You're asking me- you're asking me-

'''Clyde:''' -you can always [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|take it back with another video!]]

'''Chris:''' Well I- you are asking me to [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]. Right off the bat, you are asking me to make a false-

'''Julie:''' Chris! You can just remove it after he sees it, can't you? As long as he sees it, you can remove it!

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Julie:''' I don't wanna lose my arm...!

'''Clyde:''' I'll take off a leg too, how about that?

'''Julie:''' Oh God...! Oh God Chris, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do- I'm scared!

'''Clyde:''' So what's it gonna be... your image, or your woman?

[''long pause, approximately seven seconds'']

==== 02:25:14 What's It Gonna Be? ====

'''Chris:''' My... image. I will... sacrifice that.

[''Chris retardedly misunderstands the question. He was being asked which he would SAVE, not which he would SACRIFICE. Clyde begins to laugh hysterically.'']

'''Clyde:''' So you're gonna- you're going to heeeh... let her lose her aaarm-

'''Chris:''' [''annoyed''] No, I said I would sacrifice-

'''Clyde:''' -oooh what the fuuuuck!

'''Chris:''' [''screaming''] SHUT UP! [''normal''] I'm sacrificing my image.

'''Clyde:''' Ahhh. Okay. I thought you were THAT pathetic, for just a second. But you're a little bit above pathetic. Which I haven't come up for a word for that yet. Okay- three hours. Three minutes. If I don't see it then, I'll make some plans. And I feeear-

'''Chris:''' Charles[''sic?'']- specifically what you want me to say in the video...

'''Clyde:''' You're gay. How much you love men. How loooong you've been closeted... you pretend you have all these gal-pals but they're only to disguise your true nature. You've always been born this way. And it's all you have to say. [''pause''] And you better do it.

'''Chris:''' And I have three hours to come up with a three minute video-

'''Clyde:''' Yes... that's my request.

'''Chris:''' -of that sense. Very well.

'''Clyde:''' Well... I appear that I'm going to be banned from this server soon.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Sorry, can you repeat that?

'''Clyde:''' I'm going to be banned from this server soon. I fear it. Well- tootles. [''inaudible''] -smoke.

==== 02:26:32 Clyde Vanishes In A Puff Of Smoke, Some Dude Appears ====

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Julie I will make the video. I will abide with his request.

'''Julie:''' Chris... I think you might have saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

'''Chris:''' I am willing to sacrifice [''beep''] anything for my woman.

'''Julie:''' If there's anything you want me to do... for you.

'''Dude:''' Is Clyde in here?

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Julie:''' He's gone.

'''Dude:''' Was he in here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Dude:''' If he's ever in here again, um- just find me? I-I'm the admin of the server. So I can-

'''Chris:''' Y-Yeah, it's okay this time.

'''Dude:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' He just wants me to lie.

'''Dude:''' Wait, what?

'''Chris:''' He wants me to lie in a video.

'''Dude:''' Lie about what?

'''Chris:''' About my orientation.

'''Dude:''' That's terrible. Why would w-w- don't do it, Chris!

'''Chris:''' I have to.

'''Dude:''' Why?

'''Chris:''' For Julie.

'''Dude:''' That's admirable I guess. I know you're a good person, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'd rather lose my- I'd rather lose my image than a woman who cares about me very much. [''pause''] And uh, Julie?

==== 02:27:49 Taping His First Time ====

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' [[For Julie's Eyes Only|We can vi- we can videotape... I would like it if we could videotape our first time together.]]

'''Julie:''' I would like that too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' I'm- I mean like, you know, over a- over my [[PSEye|PlayStation Eye]], and over with uh- with uh- with uh the [[Pickle|worst parts]] cut out, uh- I can upload that and uh... we'll undo that.

'''Dude:''' I'll leave you alone.

'''Chris:''' That's okay. [''More Windows beeping, pause''] Undo the lie I would have to tell.

'''Julie:''' All right- yes. Where would you upload it, exactly? The video of our first time?

'''Chris:''' I would add it to where like uh- I would put it in a good sense where it would stay, where would stay on the YouTube.

[''Transcriber's note: Such a video would almost certainly be immediately removed for Terms of Service violations, not that Chris would ever be concerned about the rules and regulations of the various free services he uses.'']

'''Julie:''' ...okay.

'''Chris:''' Julie?

'''Julie:''' Yes?

'''Chris:''' I love you.

'''Julie:''' I love you too, Chris.

'''Chris:''' And also, inform your [[Max|brother]]. About what I am going to do for you.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' A'right. I'll talk to you later.

'''Julie:''' Okay Chris. Thank you.

[''Presumably, Chris leaves'']

==== 02:29:01 This Was A Triumph! ====

'''BlueSpike:''' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my-]

[The trolls laugh over the top of each other uncontrollably. BlueSpike continues to sing Still Alive, and soon, all of the trolls all join in.]

'''Dude:''' Holy...! Holy shit!

'''Troll:''' Holy fuck!

'''BlueSpike:''' -satisfaction! Aperture Sci-

'''Troll:''' -satisfaction!

'''Troll:''' He he he!

'''BlueSpike:''' -we do what we must, because, we can!

'''Troll:''' Haaaa haaaaa!

'''Troll:''' Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-

'''BlueSpike:''' -For the good of alll of us... for the ones who are dead!-

'''BlueSpike:''' -but there's no crying over every mistake-

'''Troll:''' .....................................every mistake-

'''BlueSpike:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep on trying till you run out of-

'''Troll:''' -you just keep- ha ha ha ha ha ha... out of-

[''Tape runs out'']

==Links==
* [https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBNTF2dkh5dUJIbEk Download] [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AGtIdI4XxQfvsMZt5t6wPH0AG9LGt32k/view?usp=sharing Archive]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Mumble chats]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mumble 03}}
{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat 2]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 3.5|Mumble Chat 3.5]]|}}

List of OkCupid Answers

2026-02-20T18:10:37Z

TheMikado: /* Relationships */ added links

[[OkCupid]] determines match rankings between its users by asking them a series of questions, and determining how they answer. These questions are randomly assigned, and can be answered whenever the user feels like it. The user can select a single answer for themselves, and multiple answers that he or she would be okay with potential matches picking. The user can also choose to add a brief personal comment to an answered question. Chris has answered hundreds of questions over the years on his various profiles.

==ChrisCSonichu profile==
{{main|OkCupid#ChrisCSonichu profile}}
Due to the tireless efforts of [[Clyde Cash]] we have obtained archives of many of Chris's answers submitted for his second OkCupid profile in 2009. As is the norm with Chris, the answers range from completely [[Honest]], to untrue things that [[ego|he genuinely believes]], to complete [[lies]] that he thinks girls want to hear.

Chris's personal answers are underlined, and answers he would like girls to pick are in green. There is considerable overlap between the two.

===Politics and Law===
'''In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner.'''
* All the time!
* Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
* Sometimes. It depends.
* Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.
'''Which of the following is the more appropriate penalty for [[rape]]?'''
* Death.
* Castration.
* Prison.
* Community service or less.
'''Which is more offensive: book burning or flag burning?'''
* book burning
* flag burning
'''Should burning your country's flag be illegal?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Politically, which are more important to you right now?'''
* Social issues
* Economic issues
* I don't really care about politics

===Relationships===
'''How important is it for you to make [[Megan Schroeder|physical]] [[Kacey|contact]] when showing affection for someone?'''
* Very important
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own [[Chris and race|skin color / racial background]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Most of all, I want to meet someone who deserves MY:'''
* trust.
* loyalty.
* admiration.
* gratitude.
'''If you inadvertently found a phone number in a partner's pocket, which would you do?'''
* Call the number to see whose it is.
* Openly ask what/who the number is for.
* Nothing, I would trust my partner.
* Nothing, my partner's privacy should be respected.
'''If you were in a serious relationship and you learned that your partner cheated on you one drunken night, could you forgive him/her?'''
* Yes, if he/she was sincerely sorry.
* No, never.
* It depends on the situation.
* I don't believe in monogomy.
'''If you were going to have a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|child]], would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* This would not be an important factor to me.
'''If you were in a long term relationship and your partner [[Obesity|gained weight]] due to something like surgery recovery or childbirth, would you think less of them as a person?'''
* No, my partner's weight is irrelevant to me.
* No, my partner's health is what is most important.
* Not if they are willing to work hard and lose it.
* Yes, weight gain is so unattractive.
'''Would you ever stop dating someone based on a rumor you heard about them?'''
* Yes.
* Maybe, I'd give my date a chance to explain first.
* No.
'''What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?'''
* Physical/Sexual.
* Mental/Emotional.
* Neither is important.
* Both are equally important.
'''If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid?'''
* Yes - I would mind this.
* No - This would not bother me.
'''Would you consider dating someone who dislikes children?'''
* Yes.
* No.
'''Your significant other's ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react?'''
* Sure, no problem.
* Not thrilled, but go ahead.
* Not just no... HELL no!
'''If you were in a long-term monogamous relationship, would you consider your partner "open mouth" kissing someone else cheating?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you consider having an [[Open Relationship E-mails|open relationship]], where you can see other people?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?'''
* Yes, even if they were slightly overweight.
* Yes, but only if they were obese.
* No.
* No, in fact I prefer overweight people.
'''Would you avoid all contact with an ex if your current significant other asked you to?'''
* Yes, of course!
* No. This would be an unacceptable demand.
* Only if their justification seems reasonable.
'''Do you Google someone before a first date?'''
* Yes. Knowledge is power!
* No. Why spoil the mystery?
'''Would you--for any reason--read your mate's email or [[Kacey Call 1|pose]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|as]] [[Kacey Call 2|him]]/her online, without his/her knowledge and permission?'''
* Yes, they shouldn't be keeping secrets anyway.
* Yes, I'd be too curious not to.
* Only if I suspected them of something.
* No, I'd trust them and that would be invasive.
'''Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What's your stance on the situation?'''
* It would be totally unacceptable.
* It might be ok, but I'd want to discuss it first.
* It's fine - I don't see any problem.
* It sounds sexy - Hopefully they'll hook up.
'''You get married. Five years later, you realize it was a mistake. Discussion and counseling haven't made a difference. You just don't love your partner anymore. He/she still loves you. You decide to:'''
* Keep trying. Marriage means commitment.
* Get a divorce. It'll be better for both of you.
'''How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person?'''
* Totally willing!
* Hesitant, but would consider.
* I am not interested in meeting in person.
'''How much affection can you tolerate?'''
* Inifinite
* Most of it.
* A little bit.
* Get off me!!
'''How important is it to you to have your own unique "thing" (like a weekly Girls' Night Out or Guys' Movie Night) that you don't share with your partner(s)?'''
* Very - I need some ME time to be happy
* Sort of - I need friends outside of my partner
* Not much - I like sharing stuff with my partner
* I'd prefer not to have exclusive things
'''How long do you want your next relationship to last?'''
* One night
* A few months to a year
* Several years
* The rest of my life
'''How do you feel about falling in love?'''
* I love it and want it very much
* I try to avoid it
* I like to just let it happen
* I'm indifferent / not sure
'''Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|'seeing someone' or 'married']]?'''
* Yes to both
* No to both
* Yes to 'seeing someone' only
* Yes to 'married' only
'''Which makes for a better relationship?'''
* Passion
* Dedication
'''Is it a requirement that you communicate with your significant other daily, in some way (phone, email, in person, etc.)?'''
* Yes, no matter what
* Yes, unless otherwise specified
* No, it's not necessary
* No, I'd prefer not to communicate daily
'''Which of these options most closely describes what you're looking for in your next relationship?'''
* Someone to come home to
* Someone to go out with
* Someone for tonight
'''How much can intelligence turn you on?'''
* Intelligence can turn me on a lot!
* Intelligence can turn me on a bit.
* Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
* Intelligence turns me off.
'''How long do your romantic relationships usually last?'''
* 0-6 months
* 6-12 months
* 12+ months
* I've never been in a relationship
'''Do you believe in monogamy?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure

===Sex===
'''I prefer to sleep ...'''
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* Touching my partner
* Embracing / cuddling my partner
'''You're in a relationship/marriage and feel that you and your mate aren't having sex frequently enough. What do you do?'''
* Talk to them about it
* Try to spice things up. (Toys, fantasies, etc)
* Do nothing, but hope things change naturally.
* Cheat on them / Break up with them.
'''How willing would you be to try out new things sexually with a partner?'''
* Completely willing.
* Somewhat willing.
* Not at all willing.
'''[[Women's Rights|Straight women who kiss or fondle each other]] in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are...'''
* Incredibly hot!
* Just having some girlish fun.
* Profoundly annoying.
'''How would you feel if your partner asked you to get tested for STDs before having sex with you for the first time?'''
* Positive (relieved, accepting, happy, or proud).
* Neutral.
* Negative (offended, annoyed, angry, or afraid).
'''You're in a romantic relationship with someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you'll have [[Chris and Sex|sex]]?'''
* 1-2 dates
* 3-5 dates
* 6 or more dates
* Only after the wedding
'''How important is it that a partner be capable of intelligent intercourse?'''
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
'''Might you consider dating someone who confided to you that he/she had a sexually transmitted disease?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Ideally, how often would you have sex?'''
* Every day
* 3 to 4 times per week
* 1 to 2 times per week
* less than once per week
'''How open are you to trying new things in bed?'''
* Very open. I'll try anything once.
* I'm open, but I don't get too crazy.
* Hesitant, but it might happen.
* Not at all.
'''Do you like to cuddle?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes - It depends.
'''Is contraception morally wrong?'''
* Yes
* No
* Depends on the kind
'''Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Which best represents your opinion of [[homos|same-sex relationships]]?'''
* Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.
* Guy-on-guy is okay, but girl-on-girl is wrong.
* All same-sex relationships are wrong.
* It's all fine by me.

===Faith and Religion===
'''Are you Christian?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in public schools?'''
* Yes, students should hear both sides
* No, creationism has no place in public schools
* No, evolution has no place in public schools
'''Would you ever change your religion (or adopt one) because your significant other wanted you to?'''
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
'''Would you date an atheist?'''
* Yes
* No
'''How important is [[Chris and religion|religion/God]] in your life?'''
* Extremely important
* Somewhat important
* Not very important
* Not at all important

===Life and [[Death]]===
'''How do you feel about kids?'''
* Kids are precious - they love me and I love them!
* They're okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay.
* God, how revolting. *shudder*
* I'm indifferent.
'''If your best friend began talking of suicide and asked you not to tell anyone, would you be willing to honor their request?'''
* Yes, it's their life to do with as they see fit.
* Yes, but I'd do my best to talk them out of it.
* No, I'd find help for them.
'''What is most appealing?'''
* Settling down with a family someday
* A life of singledom
* Living spontaneousy and in the moment
'''When a [[PandaHalo|woman]] chooses to abort a pregnancy, should she be required to inform [[Clyde Cash|the father]]?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Possibly, depending upon other factors.
'''If it comes to having children, would you prefer to adopt or to be one of the biological parents?'''
* I would rather be one of the biological parents.
* I would rather adopt.
* Either would be equally fine.
* Neither - I'd prefer to not have children at all.
'''When is suicide okay?'''
* Always.
* In special cases, such as to prevent suffering.
* Never.
'''Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?'''
* Yes
* No
'''To you, is abortion an option in case of an unwanted accidental pregnancy?'''
* Yes
* No
'''If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be?'''
* Love
* Wealth
* Expression
* Knowledge
'''Are you happy with your life?'''
* Yes
* No
* Most of the time
'''Are you looking for a partner to have children with?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Would you ever consider adopting a child or being artificially inseminated on your own if you gave up on finding a life partner?'''
* Yes, and I'd keep dating
* Yes, and I'd dedicate myself to the child
* No, I wouldn't do it
'''If you were to die, would whoever goes through your [[sex toys|personal belongings]] be shocked by what they find?'''
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe a little bit.

===Hygiene===
'''How important is it to you that your partner smell good?'''
* Very damn important
* Important-ish
* Less important than you might think
* I just don't care.....at all
'''Does finding a long-term partner give you license to "let yourself go," (lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight)?'''
* Yes, I preen only to attract a mate
* No, I do it for myself
* No, I want to make sure I hang on to him/her
* I have low standards in the first place
'''How frequently do you bathe or shower?'''
* At least once a day.
* Usually daily. I skip some.
* A couple times a week.
* Once a week or less.
'''How often do you brush your teeth?'''
* Twice or more a day
* Once a day
* Only on days I feel like it
* Rarely / never

===Vices and Virtues===
'''Do you ever feel the need to get really [[Alcohol|drunk]]?'''
* Often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
'''How often do you [[Tobacky|smoke cigarettes]]?'''
* At least one cigarette a day
* Once in a while / only when drinking / rarely
* Never
'''Do you consider yourself to be an honorable person?'''
* Yes, I always try to do the right thing.
* Sometimes, it depends on the situation.
* No, not really.
* Are you kidding? I lie, cheat, AND steal.
'''Are you careful with your money?'''
* Yes
* No
How often are you open with your [[Chris and Anger|feelings]]?
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
'''Does smoking disgust you?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Rate your self-confidence:'''
* Very, very high
* Higher than average
* Average
* Below average
'''What's your deal with harder drugs (not marijuana)?'''
* I do drugs regularly.
* I do drugs occasionally.
* I've done drugs in the past, but no longer.
* I never do drugs.
'''Do you keep a [[Chris and Money|budget (of your finances)]]?'''
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
'''How often do you keep your promises?'''
* My word is my bond. No exceptions.
* Whenever possible
* Usually
* When convenient
'''What's your relationship with marijuana?'''
* I smoke regularly
* I smoke occasionally
* I smoked in the past, but no longer
* Never
'''Are you vegetarian or vegan?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you space out or daydream a lot?'''
* All the time
* Never / rarely
* Sometimes

===Misc.===
'''Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do?'''
* I'm an information sponge
* Sometimes
* As long as it works, who cares why?
'''Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know.'''
* 1. separate
* 2. definate
* 3. committee
* (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)
'''Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you have a problem with [[Chris and Race|racist jokes]]?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you like to be read to aloud?'''
* Yes, it makes me happy.
* Only when I'm sick.
* Maybe when I was five.
* Nope.
'''Do you and your ideal significant other enjoy making sarcastic jokes at each other's expense, knowing that it's all in good fun?'''
* Yes! That's a personality trait we have to share.
* Sometimes, but not too much.
* No, sarcasm doesn't belong in a love relationship.
* I can't dish it out, but I'd take it, I guess.
'''Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things?'''
* Good
* Interesting
'''What is your quest?'''
* To find true love.
* To find happiness.
* To find your fortune.
* To find the [[Monty Python|Grail.]]
'''How often do you meditate?'''
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
'''Which is worse: [[Sonee & Rosey|starving children]] or [[Chandler cats|abused]] [[Patti Chandler|animals]]?'''
* Starving children.
* Abused animals.
* Neither, both are good.
* Neither, they are equally bad.
'''How much influence or control do your parents have over your life?'''
* I am my own person.
* I consider their opinion but go my own way.
* I almost always do what my parents think is best.
* I always do what my parents say.
'''When birds stand on power lines and don't get hurt, it's most likely because of:'''
* Good timing; they only land between calls
* Body materials that are insulated from current
* Not touching anything else at the same time
* They do get hurt; they just express it poorly
'''If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel?'''
* Good
* Bad
'''STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...'''
* 89457
* [[Honor roll|98547]]
* 89754
* 89547
'''Which of these is likely to make you more nervous?'''
* A promising first date
* An important interview
'''What is next in this series? 1, 4, 10, 19, 31, _'''
* 36
* 48
* 46
* Don't know / don't care / dislike this q
'''Gender roles ...'''
* Exist for good reason - Should not be questioned.
* Are undergoing a [[Tomgirl pictures|refreshing redefinition.]]
* Are irrelevant, outdated and unnecessary.
'''What is your [[Mass debating|back-up plan]] if you can't find a date on a Friday night?'''
* Call up a friend, go see a movie
* Hit the town solo: you never know what will happen
* Self-improvement: go to the gym or read a little
* Two words: drinking alone
'''Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?'''
* Yes
* No
'''Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path?'''
* Yes
* No
* Only if no one is looking
'''Which is [[obesity|bigger]]?'''
* The earth
* The sun
'''To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love?'''
* Romantic
* Foolish
* Creepy

==LevelUpKing profile==
{{main|OkCupid#LevelUpKing profile}}
In mid-2014, Chris provided new answers to hundreds of questions on his [[OkCupid#LevelUpKing profile|LevelUpKing profile]]. In the table below, Chris's answers are marked with an underline.

{| class="wikitable"
! Question
! Answers
! Explanation

|-
| Have you ever dated or been with an exotic dancer? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe
|| As far as I know or recall from how I was informed.
|-
| Do you think that masturbation is an acceptable practice? ||
* Yes.
* No, it is unhealthy.
* No, it is against my beliefs.
* No, it is both unhealthy and against my beliefs.
||
|-
| Were you born the same gender as you are now? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think it is important to be fluent in more than one language? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* Yes, if possible.
* No, who cares?
* No, I expect others to speak my native language.
||
|-
| For people who are in exclusive relationships, is masturbation a form of infidelity? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine you are having sex with a partner, who begins to give you specific instructions on how to best provide satisfaction. Assuming there is no danger, would you follow these instructions? ||
* No. That would be the end of that encounter.
* No. I'd continue doing it my way.
* Yes, but I would be offended.
* Yes. I'd be greatful for the communication.
||
|-
| Drinking and driving can be kind of cool. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in dinosaurs? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you practice Hinduism? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel that having sex with someone you have known less than one year would be too soon? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you going to run away as soon as it is commitment time? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can people of color be racist? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you generally finish all of the food on your plate? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Or until I feel full.
|-
| Would you read a book just for fun? ||
* Yeah, I like to read.
* What, me read if I don't have to?
* If I have nothing better to do.
||
|-
| Does the idea of childbirth disgust you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that courteous behavior, such as saying "thank you" or holding a door, is important even when the other person involved does not deserve it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Astronomy or astrology? ||
* Astronomy.
* Astrology.
||
|-
| Do you feel that animals are more important than humans? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you be comfortable masturbating in front of a partner? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't masturbate.
||
Only upon private, in person request from a woman.
|-
| Do you enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, hiking or fishing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you watch a porno movie with your ideal match? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Upon request.
|-
| Which do you prefer in a significant other, generally speaking? ||
* Dominance/Aggression
* Submission/Shyness
* A little of both, depending on the situation
||
|-
| Do you enjoy exercise? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like reading tabloids? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Meh; only the fronts of them if caught my eye.
|-
| Do you freak out when you get a little upset? (i.e scream, yell and cry) ||
* Yes
* No
* Only when no one is around
* Only when someone is around
||
|-
| Is it wrong to watch pornographic films if you're in a relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are sex and intimacy the same thing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you care whether or not humanity survives beyond your own lifetime? ||
* Yes. I hope it does.
* Yes. I hope it does not.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a virgin? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you tend to blow off your responsibilities? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are geeks sexy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a date were to give you a gift, which would you rather receive? ||
* Flowers.
* A box of chocolates.
* A carton of cigarettes.
* A creative item made by them.
||
|-
| Do you loathe or tremendously dislike most of the people you encounter? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that one week prior to your birthday, you receive a package from a friend. It is clearly labeled, "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOUR BIRTHDAY!" Do you wait as instructed before opening it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you try to draw attention to your body by wearing seductive clothing? ||
* Yes
* [[Tomgirl Pictures|No]]
||
I'm not sure.
|-
| Do you subscribe to polytheistic beliefs? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would it ever be okay to break up with someone by email or text? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you generally smile at little kids who cross your path? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only if no one is looking
||
|-
| Do you have time for a committed relationship in your life at this point? ||
* Yes, absolutely
* Probably not
* No
||
|-
| Do you find that extremely intelligent people are intimidating? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you knew with certainty that you could go to a wonderful afterlife and everything would be fantastic, would you kill yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you believe that there exists a statistical correlation between race and intelligence? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following broad gender descriptions are you most attracted to? ||
* Femininity.
* Masculinity.
* Androgeny.
* No preference.
||
|-
| As an adult, have you ever been single for more than a year straight? ||
* [[Love Quest|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you say 'Thank you' to wait staff when served in a restaurant? ||
* Always.
* Most of the time.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to engage in mutual masturbation with someone? You would be pleasing yourself and watching them do the same, but no touching each other. ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Only with a woman.
|-
| Do you spend more money on clothes or food? ||
* Clothes
* Food
||
|-
| Are you squeamish about sharing food or beverages with the person you're dating? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only at first
||
|-
| Did you join OkCupid just so you could find people to have sex with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are some sex acts with consenting adults inherently wrong or immoral? Assume no unusual risk of injury. ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone has deep feelings for you. Might you abuse this love purely for sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you the type of person to tell a homeless person to get a job? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that your partner has a horrible accident and is left in a coma and on life support. The odds of improvement are nil. Your partner's living will states that life support should be removed in this scenario. Which would you do? ||
* Remove the life support immediately.
* Follow proper procedures to get it removed.
* Walk away and let others decide.
* Fight to keep partner alive.
||
|-
| Sexually explicit art or song lyrics should be ||
* Embraced as an art form
* Accepted as free expression
* Censored to protect society
||
|-
| Have you ever participated in a high school or college marching band? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Both.
||
|-
| Would you ever seriously date someone twice your age? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do wild places such as mountains, rivers and forests call out to you? ||
* [[A Hike|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think people living in rural areas are more ignorant, on average, than city folks? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What would you do if your partner reveals to you that she/he was raped in the past? ||
* Freak out, grow apart, and eventually leave them
* Sympathize and make the relationship grow stronger
* Ask them to stop living in the past
* Thank them for sharing the secret
||
|-
| Have you made fun of anyone recently, knowing that it probably upset them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever engage in a sexual activity you didn't enjoy, just because your partner did? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has genital herpes? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you saw a really fantastic magic trick performed, would you want to know the secret behind how it was done? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do overweight people annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever consider cutting a partner (who asked for it) in sexual play? ||
* Yes
* Maybe
* No
||
|-
| How important is it for you to give expensive gifts on a regular basis when in a relationship? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| You are more likely to have an orgasm via ||
* Intercourse
* Oral sex
* Masturbation
* Sheer force of will
||
|-
| BDSM: Without looking it up, do you know exactly what it stands for? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would it bother you if someone you were dating let a dog lick their face? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer to have one true love forever, or lots of fun and meaningful relationships? ||
* One true love
* Lots of relationships
||
|-
| Do you like the taste of blood? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you borrowed a car with a handicapped plate/tag/sticker, but you were not handicapped, would you take advantage and park in a designated handicapped spot? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is making fun of someone for being thin any different from making fun of someone for being fat? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine your first face-to-face meeting with someone you met online has just gone well, but lacked the spark of your prior online contact. Would you want a second meeting? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if they suggested it.
||
I prefer to meet in person Immedtately or ASAP.
|-
| Could you date someone who used anti-depressants? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following would you most expect to determine from a first date? ||
* Sexual compatibility.
* Emotional compatibility.
* Spiritual compatibility.
* Financial compatibility.
||
|-
| When you're not in a serious relationship, what do you prefer? ||
* Dating multiple people at once
* Dating one person at a time
* I only have serious relationships; I don't 'date'
||
|-
| You are unloading the dishwasher. You remove an item that seems entirely clean, except for one long hair caked to the surface of it. What do you do? ||
* Wash the item by hand.
* Put the item back in the dishwasher.
* Scrape the hair off and put the item away.
* Leave the hair there and put the item away.
||
|-
| Have you ever written a screenplay or stage play? ||
* Yes, both.
* No, neither.
* Screenplay only.
* Stage play only.
||
|-
| Your cell phone rings while you are having a conversation with a friend. You: ||
* Take the call.
* Ignore the call.
* See who's calling and decide if you'll answer.
* I don't have a cell phone.
||
|-
| Can overweight people still be sexy? ||
* Always
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Right this minute, how clean is your main personal bathroom, (say the one you use every morning when you wake up in your own bed)? ||
* Spotless, shiny, germ-free, clean clean clean.
* Clean-ish but could use a quick touch-up.
* Not awful, but it could use a good cleaning.
* Disgusting! even I cringe when I have to use it!
||
|-
| How many pictures of family and friends do you carry with you in your purse or wallet? ||
* 10 or more.
* 1 to 10.
* None.
* I don't carry a wallet or purse.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who kept a gun in the house? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do most politicians really want to make the world a better place? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe you have the right to forbid your significant other anything? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you careful with your money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you annoyed by people who are super logical? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I would get annoyed only if they boast about it a lot.
|-
| What is worse, being poor or alone? ||
* Poor
* Alone
||
|-
| I talk about my previous relationships: ||
* All the time
* Occasionally
* Almost never, unless explicitly asked about them.
* Never, even if explicitly asked about them.
||
|-
| Are you allergic to cats? ||
* No
* Slightly, but that doesn't keep us apart.
* Yes, but anti-histamines solve that problem.
* Yes. I keep my distance from them.
||
|-
| No means NO! ||
* Always. Period.
* Mostly, occasionally it's really a Yes in disguise
* A No is just a Yes that needs a little convincing!
* Never, they all want me. They just don't know it.
||
|-
| Are military uniforms a turn on? ||
* Yes
* No
* I wear one to work
||
|-
| Do you currently grow any of your own food? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How many books do you own? ||
* Less than 5
* 5-25
* 25-50
* 50+
||
|-
| Would you date someone who states up front that they will never be willing to go dancing? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| On weekends / days off, do you like to get out and make the most of the day, or do you prefer to sleep late and relax? ||
* Get up and do something
* Sleep late and relax
* It varies
||
|-
| Watching cartoons as an adult is...? ||
* Pathetic
* Cool
* I don't care either way / Not sure
||
|-
| Are you smarter than all your friends? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I am not sure, and I do not know Everything.
|-
| Is it possible for someone to really be 'too nice'? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How many times would a person have to turn you down before you took the hint? ||
* Just the once.
* I like to try a few times just to make sure.
* After the 10th time I call it quits.
* I'm relentless!
||
Tell Me Direct and Loud.
|-
| If someone intentionally damaged your property, would you be more likely to call the police, or to fight them? ||
* Call the police
* Fight them
||
But hesitant; f***ing hate the Jerkops.
|-
| Which of the following do you consider to be the best explanation for the existence of human life on Earth? ||
* Humans evolved from other species.
* Humans were created by a higher power.
* Humans were brought to Earth from the stars.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date someone with ADD (attention deficit disorder)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know
||
|-
| Did you ever take a class in school just because you heard the person you liked was taking it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If it comes to having children, would you prefer to adopt or to be one of the biological parents? ||
* I would rather be one of the biological parents.
* I would rather adopt.
* Either would be equally fine.
* Neither - I'd prefer to not have children at all.
||
|-
| If you don't do anything at all for an entire day, how does that make you feel? ||
* Good
* Bad
||
|-
| Should only those who pay taxes be allowed to vote? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Voting power should be proportional to taxes paid.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Which of the following "solutions" do you think would provide the biggest reduction in crime rates? ||
* More and better trained police
* More and better armed civilians
* More and better implemented social programs
* More severe punishment for convicted criminals
||
|-
| What's more important to you? ||
* Your world
* Your country
||
|-
| Would you be comfortable being poor for the rest of your life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you forget plans, meetings, things to do...the garbage, etc? ||
* Never
* Quite Often
* Once in a while
||
|-
| While shopping at a superstore (e.g. Wal-Mart, Target, etc.), if you change your mind about buying something you've picked up, do you walk back to where you found it to put it back? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who does not know how to read? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you date someone who was really quiet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually wash your hands before every meal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you are given $1,000,000 and told you must give it to one of the following political causes. Where do you donate the money? ||
* Right to free speech.
* Right to bear arms.
* Pro-choice causes.
* Anti-abortion causes.
||
|-
| If you turn a left-handed glove inside out, it fits... ||
* On my left hand
* On my right hand
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How do you eat your cupcake? ||
* Always start with frosting
* Always starts with the cake
* I don't have a consistent way of eating a cupcake
||
|-
| Do you believe that money can buy happiness? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you dump someone simply because they weren't good at sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that it's your first date with someone you are very interested in. Which of the following works best for you? ||
* I'd meet them at a mutually decided location.
* I'd have them pick me up at my place.
* I'd pick them up at their place.
* It doesn't matter.
||
|-
| What volume level do you usually prefer when listening to music? ||
* Loud or louder.
* Somewhere in the middle.
* Soft and in the background.
* I prefer to not listen to music.
||
|-
| A bird has built a nest on your house or garage. Do you knock it down? ||
* Yes, I'm scared of birds
* Yes, for some other reason or no reason at all
* No, what's the big deal?
* No, and I hang a feeder 20 feet away
||
|-
| Do you usually feel the need to shower or bathe after having sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never had sex.
||
|-
| You stop to pick up a newspaper and notice that the coin-operated dispenser was not completely closed. No one is around so you have the opportunity to take a paper without paying. Which of the following would you do? ||
* Pay for a paper and close the dispenser.
* Steal a paper and close the dispenser.
* Steal a paper and leave the dispenser open.
* Steal all of the remaining papers.
||
|-
| STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to... ||
* 89457
* 98547
* 89754
* 89547
||
|-
| Upon leaving a store, you realize you were not charged for an expensive item. Which would you do? ||
* Go back and offer to pay.
* Nothing, it was their mistake.
* Attempt to return the item for a full cash refund.
||
|-
| Has anyone ever pressured you to marry them and failed? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
No proprosal ever.
|-
| In your ideal sexual encounter, do you take control, or do they? ||
* I take control
* They take control
||
|-
| Should the recipient give back an engagement ring if the engagement is broken off? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if the recipient initiates the break up.
||
|-
| How often should your significant other buy you gifts, jewelry, or other things more expensive than, say, dinner, cards, or flowers? ||
* Very frequently.
* From time to time.
* On special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc.).
* Never.
||
|-
| Parlez-vous français? ||
* Yes
* No
* What?
* Oui, je fais
||
|-
| If you had the opportunity to join the first manned mission to Mars but in exchange would never see earth again, would you do it? ||
* Of course, let's bring mankind to glory.
* Yes, there is nothing here that holds me.
* No, I'm not interested in space.
* No, I'd miss my life/my family/my planet too much
||
|-
| Would you be happy raising the kids while your spouse worked? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How do you feel about kids? ||
* Kids are precious - they love me and I love them!
* They're okay, but keep the unruly ones at bay.
* God, how revolting. *shudder*
* I'm indifferent.
||
|-
| Which of the following types of toys did you generally like best when you were about eight years old? ||
* Creative / building toys.
* Action figures, dolls, or model vehicles.
* Stuffed animals.
* Balls, frisbees, or other sporting goods.
||
|-
| Would the fact that a partner insisted you were perfect (had no faults) and refused to acknowledge your shortcomings, bother you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
NOBODY IS EVER PERFECT.
|-
| You're in bed, spooning behind your partner. Where would your hand(s) most likely be? ||
* Partner's stomach.
* Partner's genitalia.
* Partner's chest / breast / heart.
* I don't spoon - I only fork.
||
|-
| Your significant other is traveling and has the opportunity to stay with a good friend that you know they find to be very attractive. What's your stance on the situation? ||
* It would be totally unacceptable.
* It might be ok, but I'd want to discuss it first.
* It's fine - I don't see any problem.
* It sounds sexy - Hopefully they'll hook up.
||
|-
| Do you believe that heterosexual pornography is degrading to women? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Some is - Some isn't.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| If a blind date used a coupon while paying for dinner, how would you feel? ||
* Negative. That's tacky/cheap.
* Positive. Very sensible.
* I don't care either way.
||
|-
| Do you have a problem with racist jokes? ||
* Yes
* [[Barack Obama#White House gag|No]]
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people sing the wrong words to a popular song? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How much do you procrastinate? ||
* Lots
* Some
* Not so much
* Never
||
|-
| Are you more of a fast or careful talker? ||
* Fast
* [[Speech impediment|Careful]]
||
|-
| Have you ever used a fake ID to do or acquire something you were legally barred from as a result of your age? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you rather be the one to search out your match on OkCupid or have your match find you? ||
* I'd prefer to do the searching.
* [[Attraction sign|I'd prefer that someone find me.]]
||
|-
| How do you feel about putting children on leashes? ||
* I do not approve of this.
* I approve of this.
* I might approve under special circumstances.
* I could not care less.
||
|-
| Do you feel a need to own the most up-to-date electronic gadgets? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you like to argue? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's worse on a first date? ||
* No physical attraction
* Nothing to talk about
||
|-
| Which of the following would you rather discuss with someone you just met? ||
* Musical preferences.
* Political beliefs.
* Philosophical beliefs.
* Sports.
||
|-
| Do you like to watch the Olympic Games? ||
* Yes, as much as possible.
* No, they do not interest me.
* I only watch certain events.
* I only watch athletes from my country.
||
|-
| Do you examine the nutritional information for the food you buy in stores? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| When you are at the movies with your date or your friends, how much talking does it take to make you upset? ||
* No talking allowed upon the start of the film
* Talking during and usually about the trailers
* Little comments during the movie.
* Constant chatter, to you, others, or a cell phone
||
|-
| Your significant other's ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react? ||
* Sure, no problem.
* Not thrilled, but go ahead.
* No way.
||
|-
| Do you attempt to conserve water, energy or other resources during your everyday life? ||
* Yes, almost always
* Sometimes
* No, I don't care
* No, it's my right to waste as much as I want
||
|-
| You come home and discover that somebody's broken into your house, and they're still inside. You... ||
* Find the handiest weapon and confront them
* Call the police and let them handle it
* Spy on them from up the street, see where they go
* Hurry to a neighbor's and get their help.
||
|-
| Do you feel the urge to correct people who say stupid things? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you enjoy watching educational programming on television? ||
* Yes, often.
* Yes, on occasion.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Imagine on your birthday you receive three books. One is a religious text. One is a scientific text. One is a novel. Without knowing anything more about the topics or authors, which do you think you would enjoy the most? ||
* The religious text.
* The scientific text.
* The novel.
* I don't think I would enjoy any of them.
||
|-
| Do you stop to enjoy simple things in nature? ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Have you ever traded a lover sexual favors for something you wanted? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which biological parent should have legal decision-making power in abortion decisions? ||
* The mother.
* The father.
* Both.
* Neither.
||
|-
| Are some of your best friends people you met or know online? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Having met In Person.
|-
| Do you read the news most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does fashion matter to you? ||
* A lot
* A little
* Not at all
||
|-
| Is a welfare system a good idea? Or does taxing for it just take money away from hard-working people who earned it? ||
* Welfare is mostly good
* Welfare is mostly bad
||
|-
| If your partner needed lovemaking to always be gentle, would you be fine with this? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is love overrated? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* Yes, a bit.
* No, it's fine.
* No, it's underrated.
||
|-
| Do you think that western medicine is better than alternative medicine (such as chiropractic, massage, naturopathy, herbology)? ||
* Yes
* No, they are both valid.
* No, Western medicine is too invasive
* I don't know
||
|-
| Ideally, what portion of your total hobbies and other recreational activities would you like to share as common with a partner? ||
* All.
* None.
* Up to one-half.
* More than one-half.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who generally does not eat vegetables? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which method do you most often use to acquire products from stores? ||
* I usually pay with cash.
* I usually pay with a check or debit card.
* I usually pay with credit or a credit card.
* I usually steal products rather than pay for them.
||
|-
| When you're alone, do you talk to yourself out loud? ||
* Yes, always.
* Yes, sometimes.
* Yes, but only rarely.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Would you ever picket a business that you do not approve of? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like to dance? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Karaoke? ||
* Absolutely!
* I haven't, but I might try it.
* I'd be too embarrassed.
* No way! How could that be any fun?
||
|-
| How often do you (or would you) call in sick to work or school when you are not actually ill? ||
* Never.
* Once, twice, or three times per year.
* Four to ten times per year.
* More than ten times per year.
||
|-
| Which superpower would you rather have? ||
* Flight
* Invisibility
||
|-
| Is there any genre of music that you completely refuse to listen to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't listen to music.
||
|-
| Do you play any musical instruments? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You've been chatting with someone and are hitting it off. They e-mail you nude pictures of themselves. What's your reaction? ||
* Very negative
* Sort of negative
* Sort of positive
* Very positive, maybe even send nudes back
||
|-
| Could you date someone who loved you with all their heart, and whom you liked a lot, but who was terrible in bed? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you be willing to lie on a job resume or application if you thought it would get you the job and you were sure you wouldn't get caught? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever asked a stranger if you could have a cigarette? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How does your maturity level compare with most people your age? ||
* I'm more mature
* I'm average
* I'm less mature
||
|-
| Do you mock religion? ||
* Yes, openly
* Yes, to myself/with friends
* No
||
|-
| Do you dress up for Halloween almost every year? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Does your culture/ethnicity/race play a large role in your identity? ||
* It plays a crucial part in who I am
* It's interesting, but not really
* Who I am is completely independent of my heritage
* I'm adopted
||
|-
| What's your relationship with marijuana? ||
* I smoke regularly.
* I smoke occasionally.
* I smoked in the past, but no longer.
* Never.
||
|-
| How familiar are you with the methods OkCupid uses to match people? ||
* Very familiar.
* Somewhat familiar.
* Not familiar.
||
|-
| Do you ever get inspired to make something creative for no reason in particular? ||
* Very Often
* Rarely / Never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| The first time you have stayed over with a new Lover, how would you like them to wake you up? ||
* With tea and toast
* With a Champagne cocktail
* With words
* With oral sex
||
|-
| Were you born in the United States? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Movies are best enjoyed... ||
* ...in the theater, with friends.
* ...on DVD, with extra scenes.
* ...on television, with commercials.
* ...not at all. I don't like movies.
||
|-
| Which word describes you better? ||
* Private
* Social
||
|-
| In an ideal world, who would get the highest priority in your life? ||
* My parents.
* My children.
* My significant other.
* Myself.
||
My Family and my closest ones.
|-
| Are politics interesting? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Have you ever donated your money or your time to a political campaign or political organization? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which size bed do you prefer? ||
* Twin (Single).
* Full (Double).
* Queen.
* King or larger.
||
|-
| Are you familiar with the concept of 'sexuality continuum'? ||
* Yes - I basically agree with it.
* Yes - I basically disagree with it.
* No - I am not familiar with this idea.
||
|-
| Do superficial people, who place a high emphasis on physical appearance, annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| If someone murdered a close friend of yours, would you hope for the death penalty? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
Devastate their Soul for Destroying Mine from Emotional Tortures!
|-
| Do you prefer? ||
* Slim Men/Women
* Average Men/Women
* Fuller Figured Men/Women
* I Don't Care/Not Fussy
||
|-
| How organized are the files on your computer? ||
* Very - Many Folders and Subfolders
* Somewhat - I can find most things
* Scattered - Everything thrown together
||
|-
| Which best describes the extent of your knowledge in terms of breadth and depth? ||
* I have very deep knowledge of a narrow area.
* I know a little about almost everything.
* I know a lot about a lot.
* I am basically stupid.
||
But I do not know Everything; nobody knows Everything, nor are "perfect".
|-
| Are you generally able to forgive and forget? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It really depends on the circumstances.
* I can forgive, but I never forget.
||
|-
| Are you an insomniac? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Orgasms are clearly the most important part of sex. ||
* I agree.
* I disagree.
||
The journey there is most enjoyable.
|-
| Are you too embarrassed to sing along to the radio in the car when there's someone with you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on who is with me.
||
|-
| How often do you find yourself holding back your knowledge of a subject because of how it might affect your image? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you like to listen to audiobooks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never tried them.
||
|-
| Do you believe your country would be more or less safe if every adult owned a gun? ||
* More safe
* Less safe
* Neither / unsure
||
|-
| Rivalry! Red Sox or Yankees? ||
* Sox!
* Yanks!
* Both suck.
* Baseball sucks.
||
Can't I choose "Both are good for all I know "?
|-
| A first date has gone relatively well so far. You discover that your date has absolutely no awareness of any significant current affairs from the last month. How might this make you feel? ||
* Disappointed.
* Indifferent.
* Pleased.
||
|-
| How often do you find yourself becoming annoyed because other people just don't seem to understand the obvious? ||
* All of the time.
* Frequently.
* Once in a while.
* Never.
||
People on the internet don't understand me at all; they hardly gave me an in-person chance.
|-
| When you see a heterosexual couple, what do you think if the female is taller? ||
* They look wrong together.
* I actually like it that way.
* Interesting, but it really doesn't matter.
* Who cares?
||
|-
| Would it bother you if your partner kept pictures of previous partner(s)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine while on a first date, your date brings up a controversial political issue that you feel strongly about. Before you can respond, they apologize and try to change the subject without revealing anything about their opinion. Which would you do? ||
* Give my opinion anyway.
* Try to find out their opinion.
* Both of the above.
* Go along with the subject change.
||
|-
| People consider me to be 'a loner'. ||
* True - Everyone thinks this of me.
* It's probable that many think this of me.
* It's possible that a few may think this of me.
* False - Nobody would ever think this of me.
||
|-
| Have you ever tried Yoga? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in God? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you an adventurous eater? Do you like to try new foods and ethnic cuisines? ||
* Yes, all the time.
* Yes, if it's not too strange.
* On rare occasions/I don't know.
* No, yuck.
||
|-
| Which pubic hair style do you prefer for a partner? ||
* Natural.
* Neatly trimmed.
* Completely shaven.
* It doesn't matter.
||
|-
| If an acquaintance mentioned something negative about a person you just met who otherwise seemed nice, how open would you be to give the person you just met a chance? ||
* Very open.
* Somewhat open, I'd be very cautious.
* There would be no chance for this person.
||
|-
| What is the worst personality trait someone can have? ||
* Arrogance
* Being boring
* Immaturity
* No sense of humor
||
|-
| Most claims of sexual harassment in the workplace are LIES made up by a scorned woman. ||
* True
* False
* I don't know
||
|-
| Imagine you are on a first date and accidentally discover your date is packing condoms. Which would be closest to your reaction? ||
* I'd tease them about it.
* I'd acknowledge it, but politely.
* I'd pretend I didn't see it.
* I'd end the date.
||
|-
| In a relationship, who do you prefer to be taller? ||
* I like to be taller.
* I like my partner to be taller.
* I like us to be about the same height.
* It doesn't matter to me.
||
|-
| Let's say you ask your partner a question and know with certainty that their answer is a lie, what do you do about it? ||
* Ignore it.
* Discreetly probe for more information.
* Call them out and see where it goes.
* Terminate the relationship, effective immediately.
||
|-
| What size party would you prefer to attend? ||
* Just a few close friends.
* 5-20 people.
* 20-100 people.
* More than 100 people.
||
|-
| How long would you have to talk to someone online before you felt comfortable to meet? ||
* I'd meet right away if their profile were cool
* A few days
* A few weeks
* A few months [or never]
||
|-
| Could you date someone who has strong political opinions that are the exact opposite of yours? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of the following types of intelligence do you most value? ||
* Logical / Mathematical
* Social / Interpersonal
* Visual / Spatial / Artistic
||
|-
| Do you enjoy chatting on the phone with your friends? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How does the idea of being slapped hard in the face during sex make you feel? ||
* Horrified
* Aroused
* Nostalgic
* Indifferent
||
|-
| Would you do something outrageous, stupid or adventurous simply because it would make a good story to tell later? (Assume there would be no serious consequences to your actions.) ||
* Yes, whenever possible.
* Yes, but nothing too crazy.
* Maybe, depends on what and who with.
* No, and please don't run with scissors.
||
|-
| Would you consider roleplaying out a rape fantasy with partner who asked you to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which would you prefer your ideal match to be more into? ||
* Sports
* Books
* Music
* Movies
||
|-
| How often were you picked on by other kids your age when you were growing up? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Pick the lowest of the following distances between you and a partner that would satisfy your personal definition of a "long-distance relationship". ||
* 10 miles (16 km).
* 50 miles (80 km).
* 100 miles (160 km).
* 300 miles (480 km) or more.
||
|-
| In a relationship, how important is it for you to be in control? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Have you ever quit a job without giving at least a week notice? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you had to pick one of the following locations for a first date, which would be most appealing? ||
* An amusement park.
* A restaraunt.
* A bar or lounge.
* A city, state, or national park.
||
|-
| How often do you read before going to sleep? ||
* Always.
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| How much would you enjoy hosting a big, crazy party? ||
* A lot
* Not that much
* Not at all
||
|-
| Imagine you are in a serious long-term relationship and have decided it is best to break it off. Just before you can tell your partner, he or she gives you the following news: "I have been diagnosed with cancer and probably only have one year to live." ||
* I'd still break it off as planned.
* I'd stay with my partner and never mention it.
* I'd reconsider, but eventually discuss it.
||
|-
| If asked, would you share the password to your email account with a significant other? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been a member of an organization like Girl Scouts, Girl Guides, Boy Scouts, or Campfire? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You walk out of your home first thing in the morning, late for work and in a serious hurry because you greatly enjoy your job and don't want to lose it. At the same time, a bird with a broken wing is struggling in some bushes nearby. What do you do? ||
* Keep moving - sorry bird, I gotta roll.
* Stop and do what you can to help.
* Kill it - put it out of its misery.
* Keep moving, but feel bad about it.
||
|-
| Who are you more worried about disappointing? ||
* God
* My family or friends
* Myself
* I don't worry about such things
||
|-
| Could you imagine yourself killing someone? ||
* Yes
* [[Death threats|No]]
||
|-
| Roughly how many books have you read in the past year? ||
* Less than five
* Between five and fifteen
* Between sixteen and fifty
* Fifty or more
||
|-
| Do you think most people are lonely? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy meaningless sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If it were legal to do so where you live, would you smoke marijuana? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When I go out to eat, I go to [[McDonalds|a large chain restaurant]]: ||
* Exclusively
* Sometimes
* Once in a while
* Never
||
|-
| Are you physically strong? ||
* [[I AM STRONG|Yes, very]]
* Average
* No, not really
||
|-
| How important are your political beliefs to you? ||
* Very important
* Somewhat important
* A little important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| Does violence ever solve anything? ||
* Yes, everything
* [[Death threats|No, violence solves nothing]]
* Most of the time
* Almost never, but sometimes
||
|-
| Are you a beer snob? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not usually, but some beers I won't touch.
* I don't drink.
||
|-
| Do you care about other people's suffering? ||
* Yes, solidarity is important
* No, everyone has their own responsibility
* It depends on the kind of suffering
||
|-
| About how long do you want your next relationship to last? ||
* One night
* A few months to a year
* Several years
* The rest of my life
||
|-
| Do you think men who are sitting down should stand up when a woman comes to the table/enters the room? ||
* Yes / Usually
* No / Not usually
||
|-
| How much do you go "clubbing" (out dancing in bars)? ||
* Lots
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who had spent considerable time in a mental health facility? (i.e. mental hospital/institution.) ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Which olfactory strategy would you prefer a partner take when on a date with you? ||
* Perfume / aftershave / cologne.
* Antiperspirant or subtle deodorant only.
* Clean and natural.
* Sweatiness is Godliness.
||
|-
| If someone you barely knew asked you how many people you'd had sex with, would you answer? ||
* [[Honest Content|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Which is the smallest amount of money you would stop to pick up if you saw it laying in the street? ||
* Penny
* Nickel
* Dime
* A quarter or more.
||
|-
| Has anyone ever written you a romantic poem? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you ready to settle down and get married right now? ||
* Absolutely.
* No way.
* Get married yes, settle down no.
* Get married no, settle down yes.
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people say "PIN number" or "ATM machine"? ||
* Yes!
* Well, a little
* Nope, but I see why you're asking
* Why would it?
||
|-
| Do you write down important dates and appointments on a calendar? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Do you (or would you) like to go hunting? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? ||
* Always.
* [[Biological clock|Frequently.]]
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| When having sex, do you like to have your hair pulled? ||
* Yes, and hard!
* Yes, but gently.
* No way.
* Don't know / Not sure.
||
|-
| Do you often feel victimized by people you consider friends? ||
* Yes, often.
* Once in a while.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Have you ever seen your bestfriend naked? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you discovered a spider on the wall in your bedroom, which would you do? ||
* Ignore it.
* Kill it.
* Catch it and put it outside.
* Find someone else to deal with it.
||
|-
| Do you usually wear cologne or perfume? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like wild parties? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you rather play Scrabble, go out dancing, or get drunk? ||
* Scrabble
* Dancing
* Booze
||
|-
| Have you ever talked your way out of a traffic ticket? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If a partner asked you to have sex in a sex shop booth with others watching, would you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Would you like to receive pain during sex? ||
* Yes, lots and lots
* Yes, some
* No
||
|-
| If you were to die, would whoever goes through your personal belongings be shocked by what they find? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe a little bit.
||
|-
| Would you terminate a pregnancy if the baby was going to be mentally disabled? ||
* Yes
* No
* It depends on the severity
||
|-
| Should burning your country's flag be illegal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What do you think about people who watch movies purely for the point of making fun of them? ||
* That's so much fun!
* That sounds pretty lame.
* I don't do it but I suppose it could be fun.
* I hate that. If you don't like it, don't watch it!
||
|-
| Would you consider dating a vegetarian or vegan? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only if they don't push their diet on me
||
|-
| How important is it for you to make physical contact when showing affection for someone? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Do you believe that it is possible to experience romantic love for more than one person at a time without loving one less because of your love for the other? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| If you were to get married, would you want your partner to change his or her last name to yours? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I would want them to make their own decision.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider a relationship where you would take on an exclusive sexual role as master or slave? ||
* Yes, as the master only.
* Yes, as the slave only.
* Yes, as the master or the slave.
* No.
||
|-
| Would it bother you if a date made gender-biased remarks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if they were inaccurate.
||
|-
| Would you go out with a smoker? ||
* Yes
* Yes, but only an occasional/social smoker
* No
||
|-
| When it comes to travel, which do you prefer, trains, planes, or automobiles? ||
* Trains.
* Planes.
* Automobiles.
* I don't have a favorite.
||
|-
| Do you bring up STD results/risk factors before you start fooling around? ||
* No, not usually
* Only when I suspect there might be risk involved
* Not always, but I always use condoms/barriers
* Always.
||
|-
| Do you keep a budget (of your finances)? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Which are you MORE of? ||
* Talented
* Hardworking
||
|-
| Do you litter? ||
* Often
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you prefer to drive a car with a manual shift or an automatic transmission? ||
* Manual.
* Automatic.
* It depends on the car or on the situation.
* It makes no difference to me.
||
|-
| If you could have brilliant skill at something, would you prefer: ||
* something practical?
* something fun?
||
|-
| Typically, what kind of fan are you at sporting events? ||
* I sit quietly and enjoy the game.
* I cheer loudly to rally my team and fans.
* I yell obsenities at the other team and fans.
* I'm not a sports fan.
||
|-
| In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)? ||
* Innocent (Virgin)
* Slightly Experienced
* Moderately Experienced
* Very Experienced
||
|-
| Have you ever lived outside the country of your citizenship for a single period that exceeds three months? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you be interested in visiting an Intelligent-Design theme park, where dinosaurs and humans are portrayed as having coexisted? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe in an afterlife/life after death/resurrection? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| You and a friend take out a board game, and you realize that the pieces are missing. How do you feel about substituting with things like small cookies, toys, coins, etc.? ||
* Let's play!
* As long as they aren't messy / indistinguishable.
* No. We need to recover / purchase the real pieces.
* I wouldn't even be playing board games.
||
|-
| How important is it to be able to 'agree to disagree'? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Is it possible to love someone you don't even like? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Death is: ||
* A biological phenomenon.
* A spiritual progression.
* Just a fact of life.
* [[Chris and death|We won't know until we die & then still might not.]]
||
|-
| You get married. Five years later, you realize it was a mistake. Discussion and counseling haven't made a difference. You just don't love your partner anymore. He/she still loves you. You decide to: ||
* Keep trying. Marriage means commitment.
* Get a divorce. It'll be better for both of you.
||
|-
| Would you develop a new hobby/cultivate a new interest just to have something in common with your partner? ||
* Sure, it's good to do stuff together
* No, we should maintain our own identities
* Maybe, but only if it seemed cool
||
|-
| Are you better looking than most people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA)? ||
* No
* No, but sounds interesting.
* Yes
||
|-
| Do you listen to podcasts? ||
* Yes, frequently.
* Yes, once in a while.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it logically inconsistent to support the death penalty but oppose abortion? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a "regular" at any bar, coffee shop or restaurant? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you ever spit on the ground, in public? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these most closely matches your definition of "Honesty"? ||
* Telling the complete truth.
* Not telling any lies.
* Not being misleading.
* None of the above are close.
||
|-
| You are offered a choice of free training in Martial Arts or Cooking. Which do you take? ||
* Martial Arts
* Cooking
||
|-
| What is your opinion of sarcasm? ||
* I like it or love it.
* It's okay.
* Sarcasm is formulaic and lame.
||
|-
| Have you ever taken free furniture somebody else left at the side of the road for use in your home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How spicy do you like your spicy food? ||
* I like it extremely spicy.
* I like it hot.
* I like it a little spicy.
* I prefer it be mild.
||
|-
| Which of the following learning approaches would you prefer? ||
* Doing and figuring it out myself.
* Watching someone else do it.
* Listening to someone explain how it's done.
* Reading about how it should be done.
||
|-
| Imagine that you and your partner cannot agree on the choice of music. If you were driving and your partner a passenger, how should the music be chosen? ||
* I would play the music I like.
* I would allow my partner to choose the music.
* We should take turns choosing the music.
* It would be best to keep the stereo off.
||
|-
| Would being in the same room with a couple of friends who are having sex bother you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Depends
|-
| Should convicted child molesters have to put up signs in their yards saying what they did? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When in a relationship, what importance do you place upon celebrating weekly or monthly anniversaries? ||
* High.
* Moderate.
* Low.
* None.
||
|-
| Do you have a hard time feeling happy when people around you are sad or upset? ||
* Yes
* Sometimes
* No
||
|-
| Choose the better romantic activity: ||
* Kissing in Paris
* Kissing in a tent, in the woods
||
|-
| Do you enjoy Rap/Hip-Hop? ||
* [[Category:Yo! CWC Raps|Yes]]
* No
* Some
||
|-
| Are you more horny or more lonely? ||
* Horny
* [[Love Quest|Lonely]]
||
|-
| When riding a bicycle, do you wear a helmet? ||
* Yes, all the time
* Yes, some of the time
* Rarely or never
* I don't ride bicycles
||
|-
| Do you enjoy gardening? ||
* Yes.
* [[Chores|No.]]
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| If a partner would not respond to your emotional needs unless you made them known verbally, would you have a problem with this? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you often find yourself worrying about things that you have no control over? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is already involved in an open or polyamorous relationship? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you rather live in the big city or a small town? ||
* Big city
* Small town
||
|-
| Can you name your two closest neighbours? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you likely to make long, friendly conversation with strangers? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a favorite sports team that you really like to follow? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which would you rather be? ||
* Normal
* Weird
||
|-
| Do you find glasses on the opposite sex attractive? ||
* Yes
* No
* No Preference
||
|-
| Which would you rather master? ||
* art
* science
||
|-
| The fastest way to piss me off is to... ||
* disagree with a strong opinion of mine
* ignore me
* interrupt me
* indicate you dislike my friends
||
|-
| Do you own a record player? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy finding out what makes things work the way they do? ||
* I'm an information sponge
* Sometimes
* As long as it works, who cares why?
||
|-
| Which of the following types of video games do you like most? ||
* Role playing or strategy games.
* Sports or action games.
* Card or puzzle games.
* I dislike all of the above video game types.
||
Action games to be more specific; sports games vary to me (motion control on Playstation or Wii are good).
|-
| Would you date someone you weren't crazy about if they took you on cool dates? ||
* Yes
* No
||
But I would be honest of lack of interest, or give a chance for better decision (obese doesn't count).
|-
| Do you put more weight in science or faith? ||
* Science
* Faith
* Equally in both
||
|-
| Is there a such thing as having had too many sex partners? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever written short fiction, other than for school assignments? ||
* No.
* I've tried, but never finished a story.
* I've finished at least one short story.
* I've written many short stories.
||
|-
| Do you iron your own clothes? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Regardless of where you grew up or now live, which of the following best describes the way you see yourself at heart? ||
* I am an urban or city person.
* I am a suburbanite.
* I am small town or country person.
||
|-
| If you were dating somebody that you met online, would you be reluctant to tell your friends? ||
* Yes, I would be reluctant.
* No, not at all.
* A little, but I would be honest with them.
||
I would not tell ANYONE else ON THE INTERNET OR ONLINE (Damn Trolls and Bullies; the Rage Comics Troll Face offends me very much).
|-
| Do you like to burn incense in your home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never burnt incense in my home before.
||
|-
| Do you feel that you're usually at least one step ahead of most people you talk to? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel like you're still hurting from something that happened to you a long time ago? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever recited a poem that you did not write to someone as a means of expressing your mood or feelings? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is exposure to sexuality damaging to the minds of children? ||
* [[Chris and Censorship|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was currently in a relationship, knowing that you would "be a secret?" ||
* Sure, why not?
* Depends on the person.
* Absolutely NOT.
||
|-
| When you hear the name Dylan what is the first to come to mind? ||
* Bob Dylan
* Dylan Thomas
* 90210
* Something or someone else / Nothing
||
|-
| Do you write poetry? ||
* [[Chris and writing#Chris as a poet and lyricist|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| What would you do if one of your favorite shirts lost a button? ||
* Have the button replaced.
* Wear the shirt without the button.
* Trash the shirt.
* Give the shirt to those less fortunate.
||
|-
| When you are angry or frustrated, do you ever throw, smash, kick, hit inanimate objects (non-living things)? ||
* Yes, frequently
* [[Chris and anger#Examples of Chris's anger|Sometimes]]
* Used to, but not any more
* Never
||
|-
| Should prostitution be legal? ||
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Yes, absolutely]]
* Yes, only if it were regulated
* I don't think so
* ABSOLUTELY NOT
||
Desperate times call for desperate measures; I feel pity for those that are so poor that they have to.
|-
| Do you believe in ghosts? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How do you feel about genetically modified foods? ||
* Fully approve
* Hesitant / more controls needed
* Opposed
* No opinion/ don't know
||
|-
| Should speech be... ||
* Completely free
* [[Chris and Censorship|Have some censorship]]
* Be very censored
* Only say what the dictator wants!
||
The exception being hate campaigns fabricated by Internet Trolls, Cyber-Bullies and corrupted police people (a.k.a. [[Jerkops]]).
|-
| How important to you is a potential match's sense of humor? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Are some human lives worth more than others? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| On a global scale, which do you believe provides the greater hindrance to world peace and unity? ||
* Economics.
* Religion.
||
|-
| Which type of wine would you prefer to drink outside of a meal, such as for leisure? ||
* White (such as Chardonnay, Riesling).
* Red (such as Merlot, Cabernet, Shiraz).
* Rosé (such as White Zinfindel).
* I don't drink wine.
||
|-
| Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Only if we needed a break from each other for a while.
|-
| If after years of being with a partner, you found out that they could not have children and would not be willing to adopt, would you want to stay with them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you believe that some people can see a person's soul, just by staring into their eyes for a few moments? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Anything is possible.
|-
| Do you think that wealthy nations have a responsibility to assist developing nations? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If someone asked you, "What's the worst thing you've ever done?" would you know the answer right away? ||
* [[Chris and remorse|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| When birds stand on power lines and don't get hurt, it's most likely because of: ||
* Good timing; they only land between calls
* Body materials that are insulated from current
* Not touching anything else at the same time
* They do get hurt; they just express it poorly
||
|-
| Are you really into Anime (Japanese Animation) movies? ||
* [[Anime|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| What portion of your friends are citizens of a country other than your own? ||
* All or most.
* Many.
* One, two or a few.
* None.
||
|-
| How good is your singing voice? ||
* Really awesome, actually
* [[Chris and music|Very good]]
* Okay
* Crappy
||
|-
| Do you believe that the global flood (Noah's ark) actually happened? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you date someone who already has children from a previous relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which word describes you better? ||
* Carefree
* Intense
||
|-
| Do you like hickies? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you allow your partner to kiss you after performing oral sex on you? ||
* Allow? I enjoy it.
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends.
||
|-
| Imagine you have a significant other who reveals they have a video of a sexual encounter from a prior relationship and offers to show it to you. Would you want to see it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which do you prefer? ||
* Shower
* Bath
* It depends / Don't make me choose!
||
|-
| When sick, do you prefer the company of others or to be left alone? ||
* I prefer company.
* I prefer to be left alone.
||
|-
| Someone offers to give you $100 if you *don't* vote in the next national election. (for example, the US President) Do you take the money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you date a person who had a large imperfection (ex: mole, birthmark, etc.)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| How often do you [[Mass debating|masturbate]]? ||
* Once a day or more
* A few times a week
* A few times a month
* A few times a year or less
||
|-
| How willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in person? ||
* Totally willing!
* Hesitant, but I'd certainly consider it.
* I'm not interested in meeting in person.
||
Must meet ASAP or Immediately
|-
| It's your first date with someone you recently met. At the end she/he says "I think I love you." ||
* Scary
* Sweet
||
|-
| Have you ever yelled at the TV while watching sports? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you store any of your physical possessions alphabetically? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you get upset if your girlfriend/boyfriend flirted in front of you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever fired a real gun? For this question, [[Megatron pistol|pellet/BB/Nerf/paintball weapons]] do not qualify. If so, which most closely describes the deadliest type you have fired? ||
* No.
* Rifle / carbine / pistol / shotgun.
* Machine gun / fully automatic / assault weapon.
* Tank gun / naval gun / anti-tank / other cannon.
||
|-
| Would you consider having a serious relationship with an active porn star? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color / racial background? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you marry someone for a reason other than love (e.g. money, citizenship, sex, fame)? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not sure / maybe
||
|-
| Could you have respect for someone after having sex with them on the first meeting/date? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending upon the circumstances.
||
|-
| Does your partner have to be an active reader? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Breast implants? ||
* more cool than pathetic
* more pathetic than cool
||
It's their body. [''After Chris came out as transgender, he edited this answer to add:''] And I want to increase mine to a C-Cup anyway.
|-
| How often do you [[Twitter|tweet]]? ||
* All the time
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is in the process of getting divorced? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were really, really drunk, which of the following would you be more likely to do? ||
* Kiss someone.
* Hit someone.
* Complain to someone.
* I'm not sure / I've never been really drunk.
||
|-
| Have you ever tracked someone down just to apologize for something that you did years before? ||
* [[Chris and remorse|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| "Your a bitch!" ||
* The profanity
* The grammar
* They both bother me equally
* Neither one bothers me
||
|-
| Consciousness is... ||
* Biological - Brain, senses.
* Spiritual - Soul, heart, spirit.
* A good topic for debate; my answer is too long.
* A big, scary word.
||
|-
| Do people tend to turn to you for answers pertaining to subjects you know little about? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If your own toothbrush was not available, would you feel comfortable using a partner's toothbrush? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on which partner.
||
|-
| How long do your romantic relationships usually last? ||
* 0-6 months
* 6-12 months
* 12+ months
* I've never been in a relationship
||
I am not sure.
|-
| Do you have a photographic memory? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you use the word "ain't" in everyday conversation? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you find that arguing with your significant other is arousing to you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Which of these is wrong? ||
* The cat's out of the bag.
* The cat's feet are out of the bag.
* All the cat's are out of the bag.
* [[Honor Roll|None of them! They're all correct!]]
||
|-
| A friend has become homeless. Would you let them stay with you until they are back on their feet? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| If you dislike your food in a restaurant, do you typically send it back? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were in a coma with little chance of recovery what would you like your significant other to do? ||
* Pull the plug immediately, I don't want to linger
* Pull the plug after 2-4 months, gives them time
* Don't pull the plug at all, a chance is a chance.
* I'm not sure . . .
||
|-
| Which would you rather choose: peace on Earth or loads of money? ||
* Peace on Earth
* Loads of money
||
Total peace around earth is impossible.
|-
| When it comes to music, do you have a strong preference for male or female vocals? ||
* Yes - male vocals.
* Yes - female vocals.
* No, not really.
* I prefer instrumental or non-vocal-driven music.
||
|-
| Do you own any sexy underwear? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Of these four educational subject areas, which is your favorite? ||
* Language
* Mathematics
* Science
* History
||
|-
| Straight women who kiss or fondle each other in clubs in the hopes of attracting men are... ||
* Incredibly hot!
* Just having some girlish fun.
* Profoundly annoying.
||
|-
| Does it bother you when people are late? ||
* Yes, always.
* No, never.
* Sometimes, it depends upon the circumstances.
||
|-
| Can you run a mile without stopping? ||
* Yes
* [[Sonichu's Edge|No]]
* Yes - And More
||
|-
| Do you prefer to pursue a potential partner, or for them to pursue you? ||
* I'd rather pursue.
* I'd rather be pursued.
* I prefer a little of both.
||
|-
| Which do you own more of? ||
* Books.
* Movies.
* Music.
* [[Video games|Games.]]
||
|-
| Do you have a strong sense of self? ||
* Yes, I am quite certain of who I am.
* No, I'm still searching for my identity.
* I'm on the verge of finding myself.
* No, I have no clue who I am, I'm an empty shell.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating a law enforcement officer? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
I F***ING LOATHE THE DAMN JERKOPS!!!!!!!
|-
| Ivan P Pavlov (1849-1936) won a Nobel Prize for his work in ||
* Psychology - Classical Conditioning
* Physiology - Digestion
* Pavlov never won a Nobel Prize
* I don't know / I've never heard of him
||
|-
| Do you think you have ESP at all? ||
* Yes
* No
||
A little at least
|-
| Do you consider astrology to be a legitimate science? ||
* [[Naive|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who is allergic to animal fur (e.g. cat, dog)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you be friends with, or date, a nudist? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Only if they were attractive
||
|-
| What's your deal with harder drugs (stuff beyond pot)? ||
* I do drugs regularly.
* I do drugs occasionally.
* I've done drugs in the past, but no longer.
* I never do drugs.
||
|-
| Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Would we feel comfortable that way in the longer run?
|-
| Who is worse? A person in a committed relationship who cheats on their partner or a single person who leads someone in a relationship to cheat? ||
* The person who cheats on their partner.
* [[Vanessa Saga|The single person who leads someone to cheat.]]
* They are equally bad.
* Neither is bad.
||
|-
| Which is bigger? ||
* The earth
* The sun
||
|-
| Assume you have a [[Homos|homosexual]] friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
||
|-
| How much influence or control do your parents have over your life? ||
* I am my own person.
* I consider their opinion but go my own way.
* I almost always do what my parents think is best.
* I always do what my parents say.
||
|-
| How much do other people's opinions of you influence your decisions? ||
* A lot
* Some
* Very little
* Not at all
||
|-
| Have you ever been to prison? ||
* [[28 October 2011|Yes]]
* No
* Just to visit / I was working
||
Wrongfully; I was found innocent, but the one overnight in the cell was emotionally scarring. The charge was minor and was dropped.
|-
| Do you ever not feel like having sex because you feel too unattractive or too unappealing? ||
* Yes, frequently.
* Yes, sometimes.
* Yes, but only rarely.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If your partner were to provide you with a meal, which would you appreciate more? ||
* My partner cooking my favorite meal.
* My partner taking me to my favorite restaurant.
* Neither - I would appreciate both equally.
||
|-
| Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you cook? ||
* Yes, I'm a culinary genius.
* Yes, with a cook book.
* No, but I try.
* No, there's always fast food.
||
|-
| As long as you both agreed that nobody else would ever see the video, would you let a partner film the two of you having sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending upon the partner.
||
|-
| Have you ever written something on the wall of a public toilet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that you have to move somewhere far away. You'll need to pack all of your stuff and take it with you. All your things could fit nicely inside... ||
* a couple of suitcases.
* a car.
* a big moving truck.
* the Black Sea.
||
|-
| Have you ever "regifted" a gift you didn't like? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has cold-sores (oral herpes)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a collector of things? ||
* Yes, I have many collections.
* Yes, I have some collections.
* Yes, I have one collection.
* No, I do not collect anything.
||
|-
| How much do you like to be tickled during sex? ||
* Tickle me until I cry. It really turns me on.
* I like being tickled during sex.
* I do not like being tickled during sex.
* I don't like to be tickled, ever.
||
|-
| Do you prefer hardcore or softcore when it comes to your porn? ||
* Hard!
* Soft!
* Both!
* I don't like porn
||
|-
| If a trusted partner asked you to submit to them sexually, would you? Assume that this would involve letting them collar you, command you, and have control over you during sex. ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you need "alone time" to re-charge after social situations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Your significant other has a hobby that you find boring. They're busy doing whatever it is they like to do, and you're bored. What do you do? ||
* Go do something I like, alone
* Sit and watch to figure out why they like it.
* Sit and watch, resentful.
* Bug them for attention.
||
|-
| Are you more concerned about possibility of being killed as a result of a terrorist attack or a traffic accident? ||
* Terrorist attack.
* Traffic accident.
* Neither concerns me at all.
||
|-
| Could you fall in love with someone you have only talked to online? ||
* Yes.
* [[Sagas#List of Sagas|No.]]
||
|-
| Could you date someone who needs a great deal of alone time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you attended a drag queen/king show? ||
* Yes, as a participant.
* Yes, in the audience.
* No, but I'd like to.
* No, and I don't plan to.
||
|-
| What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? ||
* I would be there every day of the week if I could.
* They can be fun every once and a while.
* I do not really have an opinion/never been to one.
* They're gross/disgusting/insulting/other.
||
|-
| How long does it usually take for you to decide whether or not you like a new acquaintance? ||
* I decide immediately on sight.
* It takes a few minutes of conversation.
* It takes a few hours of hanging out.
* It takes multiple social experiences with them.
||
|-
| If your spouse asked you to get a small discreet matching tattoo with them, would you? ||
* Yes, Most Likely
* Maybe, I would think about it
* No, what if we divorced?
* No, I disagree with tatoos
||
|-
| How does the thought of someone masturbating with you in mind make you feel? ||
* Shocked
* Disgusted
* Flattered
* Aroused
||
As long as the other person was female.
|-
| Do you like to go to museums? ||
* Yes, a lot
* Yes, a little
* No
||
|-
| How would you react if your lover [[Mumble 8|called you by the name of their ex]]? ||
* I'd get mad and/or dump him/her.
* I'd pretend I didn't hear.
* I'd laugh about it/wouldn't really care.
* I'd talk to him/her about it.
||
|-
| Do you like going to poetry readings? ||
* Yes
* Sometimes
* Occasionally / I'd try it
* No
||
|-
| How important are [[Honor Roll|academic achievements]] to you? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
||
|-
| Other things being equal, would you prefer a job that requires you to be mostly on your feet or mostly sitting down? ||
* Mostly on my feet.
* Mostly sitting down.
||
|-
| How messy are you? ||
* I'm very messy
* I'm average
* I'm mostly organized
* I'm compulsively neat
||
|-
| Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? ||
* Yes, no matter what
* Yes, unless otherwise specified
* No, it's not necessary
* No, I'd prefer not to communicate daily
||
|-
| Do you like coffee? ||
* Yes. I need it to function.
* Yes, but I can do without it.
* No.
||
|-
| You wake up 20 minutes before your alarm is scheduled to go off. What do you do? ||
* Get up
* Go back to sleep till the alarm goes off
||
|-
| Which would you rather win? ||
* A Nobel Prize
* A Grammy, Oscar, Tony, or Emmy
* A Super Bowl, World Series, or sports championship
* The Lottery
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is anonymously rude to people online? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were in your last moments of life after a traffic accident, and someone from another faith was holding your hand attempting to comfort you in your last moments, what would your thoughts be about that? ||
* I would take comfort.
* I would be offended.
* I would be indifferent.
* Other thoughts would take precedence.
||
|-
| Do you think the government has the right to regulate the ownership and use of weapons? ||
* Yes
* Only in extreme cases
* No
* I'm not sure
||
|-
| Do you talk to and or have conversations with yourself, either outloud or in your head? ||
* Yes, outloud
* Yes, in my head
* Yes, both
* No, neither
||
|-
| How important is it to you that your partner smell good? ||
* Very damn important
* Important-ish
* Less important than you think
* I just don't care at all
||
|-
| If your partner wanted you to say a specific phrase during sex, would you? ||
* Yes, I'd say anything they want me to.
* No, I wouldn't.
* Maybe, it would depend upon the phrase.
||
|-
| Do you have a dark and morbid sense of humor? ||
* Yes
* No
* Occasionally
||
|-
| Regardless of future plans, what's more interesting to you right now? ||
* Sex
* Love
||
|-
| Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender? ||
* My sex drive is higher than average.
* My sex drive is about average.
* My sex drive is below average.
* I'm insatiable.
||
|-
| How many pillows do you sleep with at night? ||
* None.
* One.
* Two.
* Three or more.
||
|-
| Let's say you are in line at a grocery store and have many items. The person behind you just has only one or two. Do you offer to let them go ahead of you? ||
* Yes. Always.
* Yes, unless I am otherwise in a hurry.
* No. Never.
||
|-
| When a dog licks your face, what is your reaction? ||
* Ugh. Nasty.
* Awww..how cute!
* I'm Not Sure / Don't care
||
|-
| How often do you keep your promises? ||
* Always
* Whenever possible
* Usually
* When convenient
||
|-
| How often do you send greeting cards for holidays and birthdays? ||
* Always
* Sometimes
* Never
||
|-
| How often do you use [[Facebook|Facebook]]? ||
* I'm a very active user.
* I'm a somewhat active user.
* I rarely use it.
* I never use it.
||
|-
| Do you like cats? Would you consider owning a cat as a pet? ||
* [[Chandler Cats|Yes, I would love (or do own) a cat.]]
* I'm not too into them, but I wouldn't mind one.
* No, I dislike cats.
* I like them, but I'm allergic.
||
|-
| How much do you trust the news media? ||
* I believe almost everything.
* I trust some sources more than others.
* I think most sources have a hidden agenda.
* It's all propaganda.
||
|-
| Is it wrong to cultivate or manufacture illegal drugs? ||
* Yes, always
* No, never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you now live in the same city or town as the one which you resided primarily in between the ages of eleven and eighteen? ||
* Yes, I live in that same city now.
* No, I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|a completely different place.]]
* No, but I live in a nearby city (< 1hr by ground),
||
|-
| Which typically comes first for you? ||
* [[Monthly tugboat|Work]]
* Play
||
|-
| Do you enjoy dark, violent, or disturbing music? ||
* Yes
* No
* [[Hello, Juffalo|When I'm in the mood.]]
* Unsure
||
|-
| Do you have a desire (even if it's secret) to take part in sexual activities involving bondage? ||
* Yes
* No
* Absolutely not.
||
|-
| Do you use hand sanitizer? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Looking toward the future, which of the following do you see as most important for you in ten years? ||
* Being in a good relationship.
* Having a good job.
* Being wealthy.
* Being healthy.
||
|-
| How often do you 'take it out' on other people when you're having a bad day? ||
* Always.
* Frequently.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| How important to you is being with family during holidays? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not important.
* I have no family.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date someone who plays video games almost every day, for at least 2 hours? ||
* Yes, I'd be playing with them.
* Yes, but I would not play that much.
* Yes, but I don't like video games.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever felt so strongly about a social issue or cause that you have participated in a public demonstration? ||
* Yes
* No
* Politics bore me
||
|-
| Would you be pleased if a partner expressed the desire to be sexually humiliated by you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which, on you, is closest to perfection? ||
* [[Slow-in-the-minds|Your mind]]
* [[Obesity|Your body]]
* [[Chris and money|Your wallet]]
* Your soul
||
|-
| Do you get angry when you lose a game? ||
* Usually
* Sometimes
* Never
||
|-
| How do you feel about women openly displaying tattoos? ||
* I Like It
* I Don't Mind
* I Dislike It
||
|-
| To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love? ||
* Romantic
* Foolish
* Creepy
||
|-
| Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose? ||
* Perform the male surgery.
* Perform the female surgery.
* Perform the surgery, selecting randomly.
* Do not perform the surgery.
||
[[Hermaphrodite|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).]]
|-
| When it comes to right and wrong, which of the following do you think has the greatest impact on your belief system? ||
* Religion.
* Family and/or friends.
* Laws.
* Self interest.
||
|-
| Do you think you have what it takes to be a successful actor or actress? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which of these options most closely describes what you're looking for in your next relationship? ||
* Someone to come home to
* Someone to go out with
* Someone for tonight
||
|-
| If you asked for time off of work to see your favorite band and it wasn't granted, would you skip work to see the show anyway? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you're around new people, are you more of a leader, or are you more cooperative? ||
* More of a leader
* More cooperative
||
|-
| How much do you spend per year for shoes? ||
* Less than $100
* $101 - $ 500
* $501- $1000
* More than a $1000
||
|-
| If you were visiting a new city, where would you be most excited to go? ||
* Tourist attractions or entertainment venues.
* Historically or culturally important places.
* Places popular with the locals.
* Home.
||
|-
| What is the first definition for the word "composition" that comes to mind? ||
* The makeup of a mixture of ingredients
* A piece of music
* A piece of writing
* An arrangement of visual elements
||
|-
| How open are you to trying new things in bed? ||
* Very open. I'll try anything once.
* I'm open, but I don't get too crazy.
* Hesitant, but it might happen.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| Would you stay in a relationship if your significant other told you, "I no longer feel that deep love I once felt for you, but I'm willing to stay together until I work through this"? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| I prefer to sleep… ||
* Alone
* With my partner, but apart (not touching)
* Touching my partner
* Embracing / cuddling my partner
||
|-
| You're in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? ||
* Yes, and it makes me uncomfortable.
* I guess, but It doesn't change how I feel.
* That seems like an average number.
* No, that's nothing.
||
|-
| Were you in love with the first person you ever slept with? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm a virgin
||
|-
| How many times do you usually hit the snooze button on your alarm clock? ||
* Zero. I get up immediately when the alarm sounds.
* One or two times.
* Three or more times.
* I do not usually use an alarm clock to wake up.
||
|-
| If you could triple your money by investing in a company whose business practices you disapproved of, would you invest? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever gotten back with someone who cheated on you? ||
* Yes, people can change.
* Yes, but I'll NEVER do it again!
* No way.
* Never been in that situation.
||
|-
| How frequently do you go out of your way to make others feel appreciated? ||
* Way more than average
* About average
* Less than average / Never
||
|-
| Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? ||
* Open.
* Closed.
* It depends.
||
|-
| Is text messaging an acceptable way to ask someone out on a date? ||
* Yes, it's a great way.
* Yes, but it's pretty lame.
* No.
||
|-
| Do people tend to take you seriously, or usually think you're being sarcastic? ||
* Serious
* Sarcastic
||
Not sure
|-
| Might you be annoyed if someone asked you to repeat yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends...
||
|-
| In terms of relationships, which of these is it the most important to find? ||
* Someone for whom you would do anything.
* Someone who turns you on.
* Someone you feel like you've known forever.
* Someone with goals similar to yours.
||
Anything I am able to.
|-
| Generally, do you enjoy being drunk? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know, because I've never been drunk.
||
|-
| What kind of rides do you like at amusement parks? ||
* The biggest or most thrilling ones.
* The more laid back, smaller, or classic rides.
* I like them all, big and small.
* I wouldn't bother to do the rides.
||
|-
| In terms of height, how do you compare to others of your sex? ||
* I am taller.
* I am shorter.
* I am about average.
||
|-
| Your significant other is perfectly content with their minimum wage job and has no plans to look for more challenging/better paying work. Is this a problem? ||
* Yes, I wouldn't be able to tolerate that.
* Somewhat, but it's their life.
* No, I don't mind.
||
|-
| Do you believe that men should be the heads of their households? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How important is voting to you? ||
* Extremely important
* Very important
* Not so important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| Which of the following best describes your typical demeanor? ||
* Cheerful! I have a positive outlook.
* Meh. I have my ups and downs.
* Annoyed. The world sucks.
||
|-
| Have you ever taken a break while at work to "play" with yourself ? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Other things being equal, would you be more attracted to an artist or a scientist? ||
* Artist
* Scientist
||
|-
| Do you like to interpret your own dreams? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you a cat person or a dog person? ||
* Cats
* Dogs
* Both
* Neither
||
|-
| Do you like to be the center of attention? ||
* Yes, always
* [[Chris and ego|Yes, sometimes]]
* Not really, no
||
|-
| How are you most likely to show your partner you care? ||
* Words: Tell them how much you appreciate them
* Actions: Do something nice (like a date or errand)
* Gifts: Buy them flowers, jewelery or a new gadget
* Touch: Give them a hug, massage or kiss
||
|-
| Would you say you have... ||
* A green thumb
* A black thumb
* A modicum of success with vegetation
* Absolutely no interest in plants
||
|-
| Would you ever date or mess around with a good friend's ex? ||
* Yes, why not?
* No
* Yes, but only with my friend's permission
||
|-
| The person you are dating has a different faith or religion than you. They ask you to go with them to a religious function. Do you go? ||
* Yes
* No
* It depends on what kind of function it is
* It depends on what religion it is
||
|-
| How long do you believe people need to be in a relationship before before getting married? ||
* At least 2 years
* At least 1 year
* At least 6 months
* Less than 6 months / no requirement
||
|-
| Have you ever brought a stray animal home? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you read your horoscope? ||
* Daily.
* Weekly.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you blush easily? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If all of the professional sports leagues in the world ceased to exist, would you be upset? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you had to choose between spending a weekend hiking and camping or going to Broadway shows with the same friends, which would you choose? ||
* Camping.
* Broadway.
* I would be happy with either.
* I would rather stay home.
||
|-
| Do you believe in an energy field that surrounds us that we can manipulate through reiki, acupuncture, chakra balancing, yoga, or some other system? ||
* Yes, and I practice one/some of these.
* Yes, but I don't practice any of these.
* No, but I do practice one/some of these.
* No, and I would never practice any of these.
||
|-
| Imagine that your partner does not enjoy performing oral sex and refuses to ever perform it on you. How disappointed would you be? ||
* Extremely disappointed.
* Somewhat disappointed.
* Slightly disappointed.
* Not at all disappointed.
||
|-
| Would you radically alter your appearance (hair, clothes, body modifications) for your significant other? ||
* Yes
* No way!
* I'm not sure, it depends...
||
|-
| Imagine you are walking down the street at night and hear a cry for help. Which would you do? ||
* Call the police.
* Investigate.
* Call the police and investigate.
* Ignore it.
||
|-
| You see a harmless insect in your living space. It can't bite or make any annoying buzzing or chirping sounds. What do you do? ||
* Kill it quickly.
* Kill it slowly.
* Gently catch it and release it outside.
* Leave it alone.
||
|-
| Communism, in concept: ||
* Good
* Bad
* Same as capitalism
* No idea / this question doesn't interest me
||
|-
| Are you an Atheist? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is satanism acceptable? ||
* Sure
* Yes, it seems a bit immature though.
* No, it is wrong.
* I don't know/care.
||
|-
| Would it be easier for you to make a list of things you want in a relationship or a list of things you want to avoid in a relationship? ||
* Things I want.
* Things I want to avoid.
||
|-
| Anyone can be financially successful, if only they're willing to try. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| If you were offered $5,000,000,000 US dollars to participate right now in a single round of Russian Roulette (1 in 6 chance of immediate death), would you play? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you make up and sing ditties? ||
* Regularly.
* [[Category:Music Videos|Sometimes.]]
* Never.
||
|-
| Could you date someone with no long-term goals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which do you like more? Be honest. ||
* Giving massages
* Receiving massages
||
|-
| Do you believe in miracles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If political candidates supported marijuana legalization, how would that affect your disposition toward voting for them? ||
* I would be more likely to vote for them.
* I would be less likely to vote for them.
* This would not influence my vote.
||
|-
| How long can you go without sexual release? ||
* A day or less.
* More than a day, less than a week.
* More than a week.
* I have never had sexual release.
||
|-
| Do you take pills when you have a headache? ||
* Yes
* No
||
An aspirin
|-
| If you were offered the opportunity to eat human meat prepared any way you like, would you at least try it? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only as a last resort for survival
||
|-
| Do you keep your sexual exploits private? ||
* Yes, always.
* No, I am an open book.
* Sometimes.
||
|-
| Do you ever want to punch people you don't know, right in the face, for superficial reasons (the way they grin, their clothes, their voice, etc.)? ||
* Every day
* It happens, but not often
* Never
||
|-
| If your partner wanted to pay for you, as a couple, to see a professional dominatrix would you go? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone in an open relationship asks you out on a date. You: ||
* Refuse / Aren't interested in open relationships.
* Are hesitant, but would consider it.
* Accept / Are open to non-monogamous relationships.
||
|-
| Say you've started seeing someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you have sex? ||
* 1-2 dates
* 3-5 dates
* 6 or more dates
* Only after the wedding
||
I would let soonest sex be up to her, but don't keep me waiting too long.
|-
| It's Friday night, 7 PM, and you have no plans for the evening. Which of these are you most likely to do? ||
* Stay at home and read a book.
* Watch some TV, or go see a movie alone.
* Go to a club or bar, and maybe meet someone new.
* Call some friends, and find SOMEONE to hang with.
||
|-
| Do you drink milk and juice straight out of the carton and then put it back in the fridge? ||
* Yes, I drink it straight from the carton.
* Sometimes--if no one else around to see.
* Yes. Only because I don't live with anyone else.
* Ewww. No, that's gross. I pour it first.
||
|-
| Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things? ||
* Good
* Interesting
||
|-
| What do you think of the game of Rugby? ||
* A game for savage barbarians
* Cool, but not for me..
* Can't get enough of it!
* I don't know anything about it/I don't care
||
|-
| Which of these is likely to make you more nervous? ||
* A promising first date
* An important interview
||
|-
| If you had to pick one of the following types of people for a significant other, which would it be? ||
* Wholesome
* A little on the slutty side
* Crazy and colorful
* Dark and mysterious
||
|-
| Would you walk up to a stranger and tell them you think they're beautiful? ||
* Yes / probably
* No / probably not
||
|-
| Have you ever cybered (had cybersex)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When using a computer, at a desk, do you: ||
* Sit painfully erect
* Have good posture
* Slouch a bit
* Slump on the desk
||
|-
| If a significant other decided s/he wanted to have or adopt six children with you, would this be okay? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Possibly, depending on the situation.
||
|-
| Do you recycle? ||
* Almost always
* Sometimes
* Rarely or not at all
||
|-
| How important is money/wealth for you in a match? ||
* Very important
* Somewhat important
* Not important at all
||
I am just getting by.
|-
| Love conquers all. ||
* True.
* False.
||
|-
| Your significant other wants to go to a strip club with a few friends. What are your thoughts on this? ||
* I'm completely against it.
* I don't like it, but doesn't bother me that much.
* No, I'm not against it at all / I'd go with them.
* I would be upset, but I'd let them go.
||
|-
| How often do you get angry? ||
* Very often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
||
|-
| Your significant other wants to move every few years, to experience different parts of the country or world. What's your take on that? ||
* My bags are packed, let's go.
* Eh, as long as it's not too often I guess it's ok.
* As long as we're not leaving the country.
* I'd prefer to stay put.
||
|-
| Do you ever feel the need to get really drunk? ||
* Often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| How many romantic partners have you lived with? ||
* None.
* One.
* Two or three.
* Four or more.
||
|-
| Do you think that a fourteen year old who commits a violent crime should be tried and punished as an adult? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Imagine you're at an art gallery and you see a canvas painted solid red. It is selling for more money than you make in a year. Which of the following would be closest to your reaction? ||
* I'd like to know more about its meaning.
* The price is outrageous.
* I could have painted that myself.
* It's really pleasing to look at.
||
|-
| Do you feel comfortable being touched by someone you just met? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not sure / maybe
||
|-
| Are people who believe in the paranormal (IE: Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, ESP, etc.) all crazy or suffering from some sort of mental disorder/delusion? ||
* Yes, and they all need mental help, now.
* Yes, but I couldn't care less.
* No, but I personally don't believe
* No, I'm a very big believer in the paranormal.
||
|-
| Would you consider digging up the grave of a loved one to recover a priceless item that was accidentally buried with them? ||
* Yes, I wouldn't hesitate, even if it were illegal.
* Yes, but only if it could be done legally.
* No, absolutely not.
||
|-
| Are you attracted to dangerous situations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Depends.
|-
| How important is religion/God in your life? ||
* Extremely important
* Somewhat important
* Not very important
* Not at all important
||
|-
| How many live plants do you have in your home? ||
* None.
* One or two.
* Three to nine.
* Ten or more.
||
|-
| Do you check to be certain all of the entry doors at your residence are locked before going to sleep? ||
* Always.
* Never.
* Sometimes.
||
|-
| Would you, or did you, go to [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|your 10-year high school reunion]]? ||
* Yes
* No, but I wanted to
* No
||
It did not happen (F***ing, D***ed [[Facebook|Facebook]], Ruining Socializing and making Reunions considered outdated and obsolete). ]:(
|-
| Which would do more to improve the world? ||
* Fewer stupid people
* Fewer ugly people
* This question upsets me
||
|-
| Could you date someone who was really messy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you made special efforts to keep any favorite toys from your childhood? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever read Shakespeare, other than for a class? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you hit the snooze button more than once on a typical morning? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in some kind of a spiritual, cosmic force outside the realm of most modern religion? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you see a pattern in the type of people you usually end up in relationships with? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When looking at a prospective match's profile, which of these do you pay the most attention to? ||
* Their favorite books.
* Their favorite movies.
* Their favorite music.
* Their favorite food.
||
|-
| Have you performed any charity work in the last year? (We mean labor, not donating money) ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If some men are doctors and some doctors are tall, does it follow that some men are tall? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you write a web site in HTML (without using site building software)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a highly skilled writer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it okay for men to wear makeup? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Think of when you were a little kid and choose the most appropriate answer. ||
* I got in trouble all the time.
* I never got in trouble.
* I never got in trouble because I never got caught.
||
|-
| Do you believe morality is universal, or relative? ||
* Universal
* Relative
||
|-
| Do you subscribe to/believe in the philosophies of Ayn Rand? ||
* Yes
* Absolutely not
* I don't care about her philosophies
* I don't know what you're talking about
||
|-
| What degree of profanity do you prefer to see when you watch a comedian? ||
* The more profane, the better.
* Some profanity is ok as long as it isn't extreme.
* I prefer clean acts.
* It makes no difference so long as it is funny.
||
|-
| Is it ever acceptable to have a sexual relationship with someone who you have professional authority over? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could you ever date or associate with a person who was desperately unsure of themselves? ||
* yes/probably
* no/probably not
* unsure/depends on the case
||
|-
| Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Have you ever gone skydiving? ||
* Yes, and I enjoyed it.
* Yes, but I did not like it.
* No, but I would like to some day.
* No, and I do not want to.
||
|-
| If possible, would you prefer to date someone a lot more attractive than you, or about the same? ||
* A lot more attractive
* About the same
||
|-
| Do you like the idea of living alone? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which is more offensive: book burning or flag burning? ||
* book burning
* flag burning
||
|-
| Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice? ||
* Yes, I liked the sound of it.
* Yes, but I did not like the sound of it.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you better with numbers or words? ||
* Numbers
* Words
* Both equally
||
|-
| Is it easier to love or to hate? ||
* Love
* Hate
||
It depends on which of good or bad people you've been more exposed towards, and your own shyness or aggressive response.
|-
| Would you consider dating someone twenty years older than you if they were really interesting and looked really good? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What do you think of reality television? ||
* I love it!
* It's alright.
* I dislike it.
* I have no opinion on reality television
||
|-
| Do you make your bed most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When it comes to gambling, which is closest to your style? ||
* Cautious.
* Aggressive.
* Somewhere in the middle.
* I don't gamble.
||
|-
| Do you believe in the power of prayer? ||
* [[Chris and religion|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| You see a police officer. How do you feel? ||
* Safe
* Nervous
||
I really loathe those corrupted [[Jerkops]]!!!
|-
| Which is better: sex without sleeping together or sleeping together without sex? ||
* Sex
* Sleeping
||
|-
| Have you ever changed a diaper? ||
* Yes
* No, and I wouldn't
* No, but I would
||
|-
| Should the death penalty be abolished? ||
* [[Chris and hypocrisy#"I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| On a typical night, what time do you go to sleep? ||
* By 9pm
* By 11pm
* By 1am
* Later
||
[[Biological clock|My internal clock]] has been out of order for a long while, and would be appreciated towards realignment towards a day schedule.
|-
| Do you often make jokes that offend more uptight people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex with someone you first met online? ||
* Yes.
* [[May 2012 Facebook posts#Hey, Trollies|No.]]
||
|-
| Imagine you and your significant other both have the afternoon off. If you could only choose one of the following activities to do together, which one would it be? ||
* See a movie.
* Stay in and have sex.
* Catch up on chores at home.
* Go shopping.
||
Or whatever I felt like.
|-
| Could you date someone who has (and acts on) radical-left politics? ||
* Yes
* No way, you commie
* As long as it's non-violent.
* Not sure
||
|-
| If while visiting a friend's house, you notice a painting hanging slightly off kilter. Do you adjust it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If a poor 20 year-old woman marries a wealthy 40 year-old man, do you assume it's for the money? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you know how to use a darkroom to develop negatives and prints? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you chew gum? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had a sexual relationship with someone you met online? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Certainly not in person with the theoretical exes I've had.
|-
| If you had to choose ONLY one, would you rather... ||
* Have great sex
* Have great friends
* Have great love
* Have great ideas
||
|-
| Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does the idea of living underwater fascinate you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ideally like to be married within the next 3 years? ||
* Yes
* No
* Possibly
* I'm already married
||
|-
| Group sex (with 3 or more people): ||
* I have tried it.
* [[:File:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|It seriously interests me.]]
* I have little or no interest.
||
With me and multiple women; [[Noviophobia|NO OTHER MALES]].
|-
| Does your newspaper/TV news/news website of choice have a political bias? ||
* Yes, it's biased towards the truth.
* Yes, but I can read between the lines.
* Not that I'm aware of.
* I don't follow the news.
||
|-
| Biting? ||
* No
* Yes
* Let's break skin
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone whose religion or spirituality is the primary focus in their life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which event sounds most appealing? ||
* Sci-Fi Convention
* Political Convention
* Music Festival
* New Years Eve in Times Square
||
|-
| Have you ever made a booty call (invited over or visited someone you were not actively in a relationship with, just for sexual activity)? ||
* Yes, and I still do.
* Yes, I have done it, but don't any more.
* No, and I never will.
* No, but I suppose I might.
||
|-
| Commitment to personal growth is: ||
* For wimps.
* Critically important.
* Sort of important
||
|-
| Which are you closer to being? ||
* A hippie
* A yuppie
||
|-
| Do you understand quantum physics? ||
* Yes / Some
* No
||
|-
| Do you like to watch sports on television? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's a worse trait to have? ||
* Greed
* Laziness
||
|-
| Does smoking disgust you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Generally speaking, are you a worrier? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you looking for a partner to have children with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you own your own country's flag? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid? ||
* Yes - I would mind this.
* No - This would not bother me.
||
|-
| If you were abducted by aliens and were allowed to bring only one form of entertainment, which would it be? ||
* Literature
* TV/Movies/Music
* Video games
* A hydrogen bomb
||
|-
| Would you be okay with your significant other spending a lot of time with one of his/her exes (as a friend)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| At a party, you're offered a drink, even though you have a busy day tomorrow. Do you take it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like going to the movies alone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have your own web page? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like reggae music a lot? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It's okay
|-
| Are you a snob about some things? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that alcoholism is a disease? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you were searching profiles for a match on OkCupid, which do you think would influence you more? ||
* The pictures.
* The text.
||
|-
| Which best describes your personal feelings about sports? ||
* Sports are a very important part of my life.
* I play or watch sports often.
* I play or watch sports occasionally.
* I don't watch or play sports.
||
|-
| Which best describes your political beliefs? ||
* Liberal / Left-wing
* Centrist
* Conservative / Right-wing
* Other
||
|-
| How much do you usually tip a server who did a fine job? ||
* Around 10% or less
* 10-15%
* 15-20%
* Over 20%
||
|-
| Have you ever skinny-dipped? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| It's 2 AM. While driving home, you stop at an intersection with a red traffic light. After waiting over six minutes, it still hasn't changed to green. No one seems to be around. What do you do? ||
* Run the red light.
* Continue to wait patiently.
* Find a legal way to reroute, avoiding the light.
* Abandon the vehicle and continue on foot.
||
|-
| Imagine being all alone in the great outdoors, miles from anyone, with no communication device. Nobody knows where you are. ||
* This is something I would like.
* This is something I would avoid.
||
|-
| Have you kept any old love letters from ex-lovers? ||
* Yes
* No
* I've never gotten any to keep.
||
|-
| If you could erase any pain from your past and substitute those moments with happiness, would you? ||
* Yes, I'd rather not have those memories.
* No, the pain is part of who I am.
* I'm Not Sure.
||
|-
| Can anything be made the subject of a joke? ||
* Yes, anything can be funny in the right light.
* [[Twin Falling Towers|No, some subjects should not be joked about.]]
||
|-
| Do you feel obligated help your fellow human beings? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Alex's Lemonade Stand|I like doing good when I can.]]
|-
| Were you picked on a lot in school? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider having a relationship with someone who is married, but no longer has sex with their spouse? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it possible to have a true relationship, friend or otherwise, with someone you've never met in person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
ANYONE can be hiding behind the "Anon" of their monitor (damn Trolls and CyberBullies); Meeting in person ASAP is a must with me.
|-
| Should drugs be legalized, regulated, and taxed? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Would you date a single parent? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you own any dice with more than six sides? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| At what age do children become old enough to spend several hours at home without the supervision of an adult or babysitter? ||
* Seven years old or younger.
* Eight to ten years old.
* Eleven to thirteen years old.
* Fourteen years old or older.
||
|-
| Do you read fan fiction? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Will you teach your children to believe in [[Christmas|Santa]]? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| After sex do you clean up right away? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes, it depends upon how I feel.
||
|-
| Is it okay for you to be irrational in making important life decisions? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If someone sends you an e-mail (or has a profile) full of spelling and grammatical errors, are you less likely to talk to them? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Depends on the situation.
|-
| How often do you wash your dishes? ||
* As I use them.
* Daily.
* When I run out of clean utensils.
* When the sink starts to smell funny.
||
|-
| Would it bother you if a platonic friend touched you casually during a conversation? ||
* Yes, it probably would.
* No, it probably would not.
* Possibly, it would depend upon circumstances.
||
|-
| Do you have any totally irrational fears, as in something that is extremely unlikely to happen or imaginary? ||
* Yes
* No
||
But within reason, especially from the real life actions of an Internet Troll or Cyber-Bully.
|-
| How long would a relationship have to last before you would consider seeing a counselor to resolve problems? ||
* Less than one year.
* One to three years.
* More than three years.
* I would never submit to relationship counseling.
||
|-
| Once you take a moral position, can anything be said or done to change your mind? ||
* Yes, life is a big gray area anyway.
* No, some things are just Right or Wrong.
* Maybe. It depends on the issue.
* Maybe, but it would take a lot.
||
|-
| Would you be excited to ride the world's tallest and fastest roller coaster? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a checklist of mandatory traits that you absolutely require in any significant other? ||
* [[Attraction Sign|Yes]].
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever had a ghost or spirit around you and you could feel it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Bob Chandler|My late father]] appears often in my dreams.
|-
| What's your opinion of the phrase "making love" when it refers to sex? ||
* It's beautiful.
* It's hokey and overly sentimental.
* It refers to a very specific kind of sex.
* It's no better or worse than any other.
||
|-
| Do you often have strong opinions about the government? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you really liked someone, would you make an effort to clean up before s/he saw your place for the first time? ||
* Yes -- I'd want to make a good first impression.
* No -- someone who really likes me won't care.
* I'd clean up a little, I guess. It's only polite.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy long camping trips? (longer than 3 nights) ||
* I don't like to camp.
* I've never camped, but would like to.
* I like to camp, but not long trips.
* I love long camping trips.
||
|-
| Are you more attracted to virgins? ||
* Yes
* No
* I AM a virgin
||
|-
| Have you ever randomly followed a stranger because you found them attractive? ||
* [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you often have a hard time thinking of things to talk about? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Slow-in-the-minds|It takes me while sometimes.]]
|-
| Are you either vegetarian or vegan? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like to play drinking games? ||
* Yes, they're totally sweet!
* No, I think they're cheesy/lame
* Not really, but I will on occasion
* No, I don't drink
||
|-
| Would you date someone who has served considerable time in prison? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you feel comfortable going away on a vacation by yourself? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you feel guilty or bad after having sex? ||
* Always
* Sometimes
* Never
* I'm still a virgin.
||
|-
| Do you think you could still be genuinely happy if you weren't in a relationship with anyone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You're up against a nearly impossible challenge. Your ideal partner… ||
* pushes you hard to succeed
* reminds you to be realistic
* stands back, but comforts you if you fail
||
|-
| Should cigarettes be illegal? ||
* [[Tobacky|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you know how to swim? ||
* Yes
* No
* I am a swimmer
||
|-
| Is foreplay necessary for good sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think the government should limit big chain stores to give small businesses a chance? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe
* Don't know/Don't care
||
|-
| Historically, have you gone through periods of "forgetting about your friends" as you have become involved in romantic relationships? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
* I've never been in a romantic relationship.
||
|-
| Which is the greatest compliment you could receive? ||
* That you are beautiful/sexy/hot
* That you are intelligent
* That you are talented
* That you are extremely fun to be with
||
ANY Compliment stated to me Directly, Sincerely and In Person with Eye Contact would be most appreciated. My self esteem has been low for a long while,
|-
| If given the chance to vote on a law supporting assisted suicide, how would you cast your vote? ||
* I'd vote for a law allowing assisted suicide.
* I'd vote against a law allowing assisted suicide.
* I would not vote on such a law.
* How I would vote is my business only.
||
|-
| You read a personal ad and it is misspelled, with poor grammar and uncertain capitalization. Do you allow that to affect your opinion of the person? ||
* Yes
* No
* Maybe / Unsure
||
|-
| When deciding what is right and wrong you are: ||
* more emotional
* more logical
* Religion/faith determines it.
* I am not sure/other reasons.
||
|-
| How many countries have you visited? ||
* I have never left the country I live in now.
* Between 2 and 5 countries.
* Between 6 and 10 countries.
* More than 10 countries.
||
|-
| Is astrological sign at all important in a match? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does the idea of flipping a coin to make important life decisions appeal to you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you prefer to sleep with the lights on or off? ||
* I like it completely dark.
* I like a little light.
* I like it to be bright.
||
|-
| Do you live with your parent(s)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| During conversation, do you gesticulate? ||
* Yes. Often.
* No. Never.
* Perhaps occasionally.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| The diamond dependent economy of West Africa causes civil wars and crimes against humanity. Should people consider this when purchasing or receiving an engagement ring? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* [[White knight#Chris lacks empathy himself|I don't care]]
||
|-
| How interested would you be in knowing the details of a partner's sexual history? ||
* Very interested.
* Somewhat interested.
* Not interested.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was already in a committed relationship with someone else? ||
* Yes, even in secret.
* Yes, but only if everybody knew.
* No, but I don't think it's inherently wrong.
* No, it's wrong.
||
|-
| Have you ever purposely pretended to be ignorant about something you have knowledge of because you wanted to hear someone else explain it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When you were a child, did you have an [[Sonichu|"imaginary friend"]]? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Which would you rather lose: ||
* the ability to reproduce
* the ability to orgasm
||
|-
| Have you ever seen a ghost? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Or at least I felt like I may have.
|-
| Do you ever date to avoid being alone? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I would if I COULD, but No Woman has asked me out while in public/in person.
|-
| Ouija Boards - Cool or Crap? ||
* Very cool!
* Crap - a waste of time!
* I'm Not Sure.
||
|-
| When you break up with someone, do you tell them the real reason(s) or do you try to let them down as easy as possible? ||
* Tell the truth, no matter how much it hurts.
* Go easy on them - they'll hurt enough as it is.
* [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|I've never been the dump-er]]
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has vocalized a strong negative bias toward [[Chris and Race#Black people|a certain race of people]]? ||
* [[Chris and race|Yes.]]
* No.
* It depends on which race.
||
|-
| You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he's been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long do you wait to call? ||
* As soon as I get home!
* Tomorrow. I don't want to seem too eager.
* The mandatory three days. Duh.
* Eventually, when I feel like it...
||
|-
| Regardless of whether or not you smoke marijuana, do you think it should be legalized for adults? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| A "shooting star" is a star that... ||
* ...burned out, and collapsed
* ...collided with Earth's atmosphere
* ...got sucked into a black hole
* ...isn't really a star
||
|-
| You're in a serious, monogamous relationship when your partner gets offered their dream job overseas for three years. They have decided that it's a chance they just can't pass up. Which of these choices is most appealing to you? ||
* Trying to arrange it so you can go with
* Maintaining a long-distance relationship
* Staying friends, but dating around til they return
* Breaking up and moving on
||
|-
| Do you practice or believe in real magick, not to be confused with stage magic and parlor tricks? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How soon would you meet your significant other's parents? ||
* Right Away!
* After a few weeks of dating
* After a few months of dating
* After a few years of dating
||
It is up to her.
|-
| Which is longer? ||
* A mile
* A kilometer
* I don't know!
||
|-
| Gay marriage—should it be legal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever driven a motor vehicle over 100mph (161kph)? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When eating, do you generally eat the things you like most first or save them for last? ||
* I eat the things I like most first.
* I eat the things I like most last.
* I don't usually eat in a particular order.
||
|-
| Do you have any interest in collecting coins? ||
* Yes, I buy and/or sell collectible coins.
* Yes, I regularly check my change for rarities.
* Yes, I'm attached to a few coins.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy intense intellectual conversations? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think homosexuality is a sin? ||
* [[Homos|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Has anyone ever accused you of being "too clingy"? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
But I have better self-control now.
|-
| Do you think you could ever enjoy being humiliated as part of a sexual experience? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| From which medium are you most likely to find out about new news stories? ||
* Television
* Newspaper
* Radio
* Online
||
|-
| If you want to get to the top of the stairs sooner, do you: ||
* Skip steps
* Go faster without skipping
||
|-
| Which of the following has the biggest influence on your behavior? ||
* Reason, Observation, Empiricism, Trial-And-Error.
* Tradition, Faith, Upbringing, Heritage.
* Emotion, Intuition, Instinct.
||
|-
| What if you found out, just before the wedding, that the love of your life was sterile and unable to ever have kids? ||
* Break off the wedding
* Continue the wedding and adopt
* Continue the wedding and not adopt
* Celebrate and get married
||
|-
| Have you ever stayed up all night, until dawn, talking with someone you have just met? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think politics have an impact on your everyday life? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Who cares?
||
|-
| Would you leave an otherwise perfect relationship if you found out your partner was interested in children sexually? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| What's the gender distribution of the vocalists in your music collection? ||
* Mostly female singers.
* Nearly the same male and female.
* Mostly male singers.
* I have little or no music collection with vocals.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy intellectual debates on topics like politics, religion, science or philosophy? ||
* I love to argue!
* Sometimes.
* It's usually boring or annoying.
* I'm not smart enough.
||
|-
| What causes Earth's seasons? ||
* Earth's distance from the sun
* Earth's tilt in relation to the sun
* Earth's rotation on its axis
* Don't know / don't care / not sure
||
|-
| Wearing socks with sandals is: ||
* [[Chris and Fashion|Perfectly fine.]]
* Utterly wrong.
* OK sometimes.
* Not a subject I have an opinion on.
||
|-
| Underarms can be a hairy subject. How do you maintain your pits? ||
* I let it grow, wild & free!
* Occasionally I'll trim.
* I shave consistently.
* Whatever I feel like at the time.
||
|-
| If money were not an issue, would you have major cosmetic surgery on any part of your face or body? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How big is your porn collection? ||
* Small
* Medium
* [[Craigslist#Used Porn|LARGE]]
* I don't have one
||
|-
| How do you dispose of your used chewing gum? ||
* [[Semen#Recycling|I swallow it.]]
* I spit it out or stick it to something.
* I wrap it up and/or dispose of it neatly.
* I don't use chewing gum.
||
|-
| If you were forced right now to discover with absolute certainty one and only one of the following related to the future instance of your death, which would you choose to learn? ||
* The year.
* The month.
* The day of the month.
* The hour and minute of the day.
||
|-
| Which is more important for a good match? ||
* Having similar political beliefs
* Having good sex
||
Similar interests
|-
| Would you lie about how you met a person you were dating to please your parents? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
* Only if my pertner wanted me to
||
|-
| What's more important? ||
* Safety
* Freedom
||
|-
| Receiving anal sex? ||
* I like it / I think I might like it
* I don't like it / I don't think I would like it
||
Only with/from a woman; if on me, she would wear a strap-on.
|-
| Do you consider government taxes (such as income tax) a form of theft? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Do you believe you've lived past lives? ||
* Yes, I am confident I have.
* No, I do not believe this is possible.
* Maybe, but there is no way to really know.
||
|-
| How shy would you say you are? ||
* Very shy
* Kind of shy
* Not really shy
* Not at all shy
||
|-
| Do you regularly paint or sculpt? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How easily are you offended? ||
* Very easily.
* Somewhat easily.
* Not very easily.
||
|-
| Do you sleep with the television on? ||
* Yes, always
* No, never ever
* Sometimes
* Depends on what I'm watching
||
|-
| Half of all policemen are thieves and half of all policemen are murderers. Does it follow logically that all policemen are criminals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
HELL YES! I Really Loathe the damn, corrupted [[Jerkops]]!!!
|-
| Have you ever gotten, or would you ever get, a piercing below the belt? ||
* I have.
* I would.
* I wouldn't.
||
|-
| The person you have been seeing for a while climbs in through your window, crawls in bed with you, and cuddles up. You find this: ||
* Scary
* A sign of neediness
* Cute
* The perfect time to ask them to move in
||
Surprising.
|-
| On average, how do your friends compare to you, age-wise? ||
* They're mostly older than I
* They're mostly younger than I
* They're about the same age
* I don't have that many friends
||
|-
| Would you like to have someone strap on a dildo and put it inside you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been outside of your own country? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that you receive a document that absolutely proves whether or not God exists. Upon reading the document and finding the truth, you must decide whether or not to share the proof with the world. Which would you do? ||
* Share the truth regardless of what it is.
* Keep the truth to myself regardless of what it is.
* Share only if it proves that God exists.
* Share only if it proves that God does not exist.
||
|-
| If you meet someone and they are everything you are looking for, except their body type, do you give them a chance? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Only the obese.
|-
| Can you be single and truly happy at the same time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Where would you prefer to live? ||
* A modest house in a nice neighborhood.
* The nicest house in a modest neighborhood.
||
|-
| Have you ever cut off contact with someone after seeing their pic? ||
* Yes
* No
* No, but I would if they were not attractive enough
||
|-
| Do you have a vanity license plate? ||
* [[Son-Chu#Vanity plate|vanity license plate]]
* No, absolutely not
* No, but I want one
||
|-
| Have you ever taken a shower with a partner? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you play the devil's advocate? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Is there at least one nude photo of you on the Net? ||
* [[Nudes|Yes]]
* No
* Yes, but my face isn't visible
* Not sure
||
|-
| Would you ever get on a motorcycle? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had sex in a place where there was a high risk of being caught? ||
* Yes
* No, but it sounds like fun
* No, I don't think I could do it
||
|-
| Do you believe reason is more important than emotions in solving problems? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How would you say your self esteem is? ||
* High
* Low
* Neither high nor low
||
|-
| Are you willing to wear uncomfortable clothes to look good? ||
* Absolutely not
* On very special occasions
* Sometimes
* Usually yes
||
I would [[Tomgirl Saga|cross dress]] more often if [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] was not against me doing it (panties and [[Muscle bra|bra]] included, but wear them anyway).
|-
| The life of one of your fellow citizens is more valuable than the lives of ten foreigners. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Would you date a transgender person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
As long as she was [[Hermaphrodite#Trans Men|born female and was still female]] (or a tomboy)
|-
| Do you talk about your sex life with either of your parents? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it morally right for society to allow parents of children too young to make their own decisions to deny them the medical attention they require for survival for religious reasons? ||
* Yes, it is their child after all
* No, absolutely not
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Do you think bodily fluids are inherently gross? ||
* [[Fapcup|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| How confident are you in your sexual abilities? ||
* Super confident
* Confident
* Not really confident
||
|-
| Do you believe that wealth in America is fairly distributed? ||
* [[Monthly tugboat|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| To your knowledge, do people have an unusual or humorous nickname for you? ||
* Yes, and I like it.
* Yes, but I don't like it.
* No.
||
Damn [[Trolls]] call me [[fat]] and [[Slow-in-the-minds|freaking dumb and stupid]] when [[Chris and reality|I am NOT]]. UGH!!!
|-
| Have you ever entered into a relationship out of desperation? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
And I am near desperate now.
|-
| Hypothetically, and if the lack of either wouldn't affect your health, which would you give up? ||
* Sex
* Sleep
||
|-
| Beards: cool or ugly? ||
* Cool
* Ugly
* Depends
||
|-
| Are you currently employed? ||
* Yes, I have a fulltime job
* No
* Part time
* I'm a student
||
|-
| How many people have you kissed that are not related to you, in a more than friendly way? ||
* 0
* 1-10
* 11-50
* 51+
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating a Buddhist? ||
* Yes
* Hesitant, but willing
* No
* Only if he/she was non-practicing
||
|-
| "The best days of my life" are: ||
* In my future.
* [[Manchester High School|In my past.]]
* Right now.
||
|-
| What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new? ||
* Discovering your shared interests
* Discovering their body
||
|-
| Has anyone ever accused you of being "high maintenance"? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you happy with your life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Mainly because of being lonely from being single and PUBLICALLY ''[sic]'' Invisible.
|-
| Rate your self-confidence: ||
* Very, very high
* Higher than average
* Average
* Below average
||
|-
| Do you believe contraception is morally wrong? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is your ideal match well-off financially (or at the very least someone who has high income potential)? ||
* Yes, it's very important.
* It's somewhat important.
* It's not very important
* It's not important at all.
||
|-
| Guys with facial hair… ||
* Great!
* Okay.
* Gross!
||
|-
| Have you ever been in love? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have rape fantasies? ||
* Yes
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG#With Megan|No]]
||
|-
| When shopping, you noticed that wealthy-looking man dropped some money on the floor while paying and didn't notice while leaving. What will you do? ||
* Take the money
* Chase the man down and return it
||
|-
| The most important question to ask yourself when making a decision is... ||
* Will everyone be happy?
* Is it the right thing to do?
* Will I get what I want?
||
|-
| Think quick! ||
* 3.14159
* 3.14195
* 3.14519
* 3.14591
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who plans to remain celibate indefinitely? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe a couple should live together before considering marriage? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It's not obligatory.
|-
| Would you ever sleep with a serial killer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Did you ever have a "goth" phase? ||
* No.
* Yes, and I'm a little embarrassed about it.
* Yes, and I'm proud of it.
* It wasn't a 'phase'!
||
|-
| If you got married, would you change your name? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you only date people with athletic and toned bodies? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever dated someone you didn't even like out of sheer loneliness? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you regularly go out partying on weeknights? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you—for any reason—read your mate's email or pose as him/her online, without his/her knowledge and permission? ||
* Yes, they shouldn't be keeping secrets anyway.
* Yes, I'd be too curious not to.
* Only if I suspected them of something.
* No, I'd trust them and that would be invasive.
||
|-
| Would you ever be willing to skip out on responsibilities (such as work, school, or such) to stay at home and have sex with someone? ||
* Yes. Sex always comes first.
* Yes. Occasionally.
* No. Never.
||
|-
| After dating someone for a while, you finally get to see where they live. He/she leaves you alone to go take a quick shower. Would you snoop? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How frequently do you bathe or shower? ||
* At least once a day.
* Usually daily. I skip some.
* A couple times a week.
* Once a week or less.
||
|-
| Which is more important in a healthy relationship? ||
* Maintaining privacy
* Total openness
||
|-
| How do you feel about living with a significant other before marriage? ||
* Nothing wrong with that.
* Maybe, depending on the situation.
* I'm against that.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| How much would you dress up for a first date with someone you met on OkCupid? ||
* I'd go all out.
* I'd try to look nice.
* I wouldn't wear anything special.
* It would vary, depending upon their profile.
||
|-
| Do you find science to be interesting? ||
* Yes - Hard Science (Biology, Chemistry, Physics).
* Yes - Social Science (Psychology, Sociology).
* Yes - Both are interesting.
* No - None are interesting.
||
|-
| How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? ||
* I'm ready when I wake up
* Less than 1 hour
* 1 - 2 hours
* 2 hours or more
||
|-
| Do you have experience being in a slave/master relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you good at explaining things? ||
* Yes
* No
||
To the best of my ability and knowledge of the topic.
|-
| How much communication is ideal during sex? ||
* A lot! It's all about the talk.
* Just enough to get things right.
* None. Shut up so I can concentrate.
||
|-
| Cell phones: good or evil? ||
* Good
* Evil
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has no interest in sex and experiences no sexual attraction to either gender if they were otherwise perfect? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be an honorable person? ||
* Yes, I always try to do the right thing.
* Sometimes, it depends on the situation.
* No, not really.
* Are you kidding? I lie, cheat, AND steal.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date a musician? ||
* Of course!
* Possibly...depending on what they do.
* I really don't know.
* Not a chance!
||
|-
| Is it important to you to have the last word in an argument? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is VERY short hair on a girl necessarily unattractive? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you wear a seatbelt when you ride in an automobile? ||
* Always.
* Most of the time.
* Usually not.
* Never.
||
|-
| Would you date a comic book geek? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like logic puzzles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these do you use/consult the MOST when making decisions? ||
* Mysticism/Religion/Higher Power
* Emotion/Instinct
* Logic/Reason
* Random Chance
||
|-
| How often do you interrupt people? ||
* Never.
* Rarely.
* Often.
* Always.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating an open-minded atheist? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
|-
| Sleeping under the stars: ||
* Yes!
* No!
* Maybe!
||
|-
| Not as in whips and chains, but in general, do you prefer your partner to be... ||
* Dominant
* Submissive
* Balanced
||
|-
| You witness your next door neighbors discreetly smoking marijuana on their own property. How do you respond? ||
* I call the police immediately.
* I warn them that next time I'll call the police.
* I ask them if I can join in.
* I don't. I'm as friendly (or not) as always.
||
I'm not sure.
|-
| Would you ever eat something out of the trash? ||
* Yes
* Maybe (if it's still good)
* No
||
|-
| Do you enjoy giving oral sex? ||
* Love it!
* It's okay.
* Not so much.
* Gross!
||
|-
| Where do you primarily get the books you read? ||
* Library.
* Bookstore / Online.
* Friends.
* I don't read books.
||
|-
| Have you ever lied to a partner about your sexual history? ||
* Yes
* No
* I've never discussed my sexual history in this way
||
|-
| Imagine that you are attacked on a dark street by someone brandishing a deadly weapon. You defend yourself and are unhurt, but in doing so your actions kill the attacker. You believe there were no witnesses. Which would you do? ||
* Continue as if nothing happened.
* Notify the police.
* Call a lawyer.
* Attempt to dispose of any evidence and leave.
||
|-
| How do you feel about germs? ||
* Obsessed: I bleach anything I can't trust!
* Careful: I wash my hands and cover my sneezes.
* Polite: I always wash up when someone's watching.
* Unconcerned: I don't actively lick doorknobs.
||
|-
| Do you like dogs? Would you consider owning a dog as a pet? ||
* [[Clover and Snoopy|Yes, I would love (or do own) a dog.]]
* I'm not too into them, but I wouldn't mind one.
* No, I dislike dogs.
* I like them, but I'm allergic.
||
|-
| Outside of work and school, how inclined are you to investigate something that interests you? ||
* Very inclined
* Somewhat inclined
* Not inclined
||
|-
| I find myself in fights with authority figures... ||
* Often
* [[Jerkops|Rarely]] / [[Manajerks|never]]
||
|-
| If you were involved in a serious relationship, at which of the following points would you begin looking for new potential partners? ||
* When the relationship was not going well.
* When I was certain the relationship was ending.
* After the relationship was formally terminated.
* All of the time.
||
|-
| If you found a valuable item that you knew was lost by someone you dislike, would you return it to them? ||
* Yes.
* No, I'd take it for myself.
* No, but I wouldn't take it for myself.
||
|-
| Can just one person significantly change the world? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you have plans to meet someone at a certain time, it's best to be: ||
* A little early.
* A little late.
* Precisely on time.
* Whatever.
||
|-
| You are at a busy event when you come across a child who appears to be lost, alone, and distressed. How do you respond? ||
* I talk to the child and offer to help.
* I notify the authorities.
* I do nothing.
* I do something else.
||
|-
| Is your ideal sex rough or gentle? ||
* Rough
* Gentle
* I enjoy both equally
* I'm a virgin
||
|-
| Do you like going to amusement parks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When, if at all, should a child adopted at birth be told that s/he was adopted? ||
* From the very beginning/a very early age.
* Once s/he is old enough to understand/ask.
* Only if unavoidable (e.g., different skin color).
* Ideally, never.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy riding roller coasters? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never ridden a roller coaster before!
||
|-
| Do you like to cuddle? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Sometimes - It depends.
||
|-
| Would you ever date someone that is HIV positive? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't know
||
|-
| Do you go to the tanner? ||
* Yes
* No
* For special occaisons
* I get my tan naturally
||
|-
| When planning future activities with your significant other(s), do you generally like to take the lead? ||
* Yes, most of the time
* Share equally
* No, I'm not a planner. Help!
||
|-
| Which is a bigger deal for you? ||
* Telling someone you really care
* Oral sex
||
|-
| Would you date someone who's smart but achieved nothing in life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What is next in this series? 1, 4, 10, 19, 31, _ ||
* 36
* 48
* 46
* Don't know / don't care
||
|-
| If you were going to have a child, would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* This would not be an important factor to me.
||
|-
| When someone speaks with a noticeable accent, does that influence your opinion of their intelligence? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends upon the accent.
||
|-
| Have you ever raised an animal for food? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What style of online writing annoys you most? ||
* It gt 2 b dis typ: cuz it showz dat dey is fik
* ThIs TyPe: It JuSt LoOkS sTuPiD..
* ALL CAPITALS: THE STYLE OF THE ATTENTION SEEKER!
* Consistent proper English: We are not at school!
||
|-
| Do you feel that voting in all elections should be required by law? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| You see a mother breastfeeding at the mall. For the most part she is covered, but you can tell what she is doing. What is your reaction? ||
* Gross!
* How sweet! What a good mom!
* No reaction, just keep shopping.
* Sexy.
||
|-
| Which of the following could you most easily live without for an entire month? ||
* Toothbrush and toothpaste.
* Phone.
* Internet.
* Porn.
||
|-
| If you had a one-night stand DURING a relationship, would you confess to your mate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you have only $50 and will not receive any additional income for ten days. A show that you desperately want to see is in town for today only. The tickets are $50. Do you use all your money to buy one? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you like someone a lot, do you usually ask them out? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which of these is more fascinating to you? ||
* How big the universe is.
* How small molecules are.
* Both are fascinating to think about!
* I don't think about that kind of stuff.
||
|-
| Would you and your ideal match eventually feel comfortable [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|farting]] around each other? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| For which emotion is self-restraint the most crucial? ||
* [[Chris and anger|Anger]]
* Fear
* Lust
* Jealousy
||
|-
| Without using a dictionary or other tool, can you choose the commonly misspelled word? Don't cheat! It's okay if you don't know. ||
* Separate
* Definate
* Committee
* (Not sure / dumb question / who cares)
||
|-
| When men show extra courtesy toward women (opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc.), this is: ||
* Admirable and desirable. Chivalry's not dead.
* Unnecessary but appreciated.
* Sexist and insulting; women are perfectly capable.
||
|-
| Do you have an ex that you would really like to date again? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is worse: Obesity or anorexia? ||
* Obesity.
* Anorexia.
* Both are equally bad.
* Neither is bad.
||
|-
| At the movies, do you stay for the credits? ||
* Always.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| How are your teeth? ||
* Perfect
* [[Fangs|Okay]]
* Kinda Scraggly
* Fucked Up
||
|-
| Do you wear a suit to work (or female equivalent)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it more important to you that you are tactful, or truthful? ||
* Tactful
* [[Honest Content|Truthful]]
||
|-
| A person you're interested in attempts to cook a romantic meal for you. After tasting a bit of it, you notice it hasn't been cooked completely. What do you do? ||
* Smile and hope your gag reflex doesn't kick in.
* Tell him/her the food needs to cook a little longe
* Flat out refuse to eat it.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Immediately after having sex with a partner, which of the following sounds most appealing? ||
* Cuddling with them.
* Doing my own thing.
* Sleeping.
* Masturbating or having sex again.
||
|-
| Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have a living will? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever told someone that you loved them when you didn't? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is a girl who's slept with 100 guys a bad person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which makes for a better first date? ||
* Coffee and chit-chat
* Drinks and groping
||
|-
| Would you date someone who is bisexual? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When was your favorite book written? If you have more than one favorite, pick your favorite period of literature. ||
* Pre-1700 (Renaissance/medieval/classical/ancient)
* 1700-1900 (Elizabethan, Romantic, Victorian, etc.)
* 1900-1945ish (Modern)
* 1950s or later (Contemporary)
||
|-
| Do you have a car? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually vote in presidential (or applicable) elections? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is more important in determining whether someone should be your friend? ||
* Their religious beliefs.
* Their political beliefs.
* Neither is important.
* Both are equally important.
||
|-
| Would you allow your partner to decide what you wear to bed? ||
* Yes, always.
* Yes, sometimes.
* No, never.
||
|-
| If you could 'take back' your virginity from you first partner, would you? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm still a virgin
||
|-
| How much can intelligence turn you on? ||
* A lot!
* A bit.
* Intelligence does nothing for me either way.
* Intelligence turns me off.
||
|-
| Can you remember the names of everyone you've ever had sex with? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I've never had sex with anyone.
||
|-
| What kind of education did you have growing up? ||
* Private school.
* Public school.
* Home school.
* Some combination of the above.
||
|-
| Do you snort when you laugh? ||
* Yes / sometimes
* No / never
||
|-
| If married, when would you expect your partner to wear a wedding ring? ||
* Most or all of the time.
* Some of the time. It's situation dependent.
* Seldom or not at all.
* Only when they want to.
||
|-
| Have you ever ridden a horse? ||
* [[:File:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg|Yes, and I enjoyed it.]]
* Yes, but I did not like it.
* No, but I would like to some day.
* No, and I do not want to.
||
|-
| How would you feel if a significant other forgot your birthday, nameday, anniversary, or something else similarly important to you? ||
* Indifferent.
* Disappointed.
* Annoyed.
* Angry.
||
|-
| Is it okay to answer your cell phone while out with a friend or on a date? ||
* Of course. Why wouldn't it be?
* Friend, yes. Date, no.
* No, that's just rude.
||
|-
| Do you have dessert after dinner? ||
* Yes, often
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you think taxes are justified? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever worked in a customer service job? ||
* [[Wendy's|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe that, when a soldier kills an enemy soldier in combat during a war, it is murder? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you performed in a theater setting as an adult? ||
* Yes, as a professional.
* Yes, as a student.
* Yes, as a hobby.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe you can communicate using only your mind (telepathy)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I wish I had all Psychic Powers.
|-
| How many hours a day do you prefer to sleep? ||
* [[Biological clock|Around 8 hours]]
* A lot less than 8 hours
* More than 8 hours
||
|-
| Do you find British comedies entertaining? ||
* They're all I watch.
* [[Monty Python|I like them quite a bit!]]
* Kind of, but I'd rather watch something else.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| Do you have (or are you getting) a degree from one of the 8 ivy league universities, MIT, Stanford, Duke, U Chicago, or Caltech? ||
* Yes
* No
* My degree is not from the U.S.
||
|-
| Do you ever intentionally try to make people angry just to see how they react? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How would learning that a potential match has served in the military affect your interest in him or her? ||
* I'd be more interested.
* I'd be less interested.
* It wouldn't matter at all.
||
|-
| When you are sleeping, do you prefer: ||
* A cold room
* A cool room
* A warm room
* A hot room
||
I'm sleeping under blankets after all.
|-
| Can most babysitters be trusted with children? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| A college-level education is... ||
* Necessary
* Nice, but not mandatory
* Unnecessary
||
|-
| If you were in a committed long-term relationship and met someone you feel an even stronger attraction to, which would you do? ||
* Continue current relationship, ignore attraction.
* Explore both relationships simultaneously.
* End the old relationship and pursue the new one.
||
|-
| Would you prefer someone extremely mellow or extremely hyper? ||
* Hyper
* Mellow
||
|-
| In a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting? ||
* Yes, it would.
* No, it wouldn't.
||
|-
| Preferred position: are you a top or a bottom? ||
* Top
* Bottom
* Versatile
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you think that people who go to jail for serious crimes deserve a second chance out in the real world? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* It depends on the crime.
||
|-
| I would rather be... ||
* Unemployed, broke, but busy doing things I love
* Working 60 hours a week at a job I like
* Working regular hours at a job I hate
||
|-
| Have your sexual interests become kinkier as you've grown older? ||
* Yes.
* No, they haven't changed much.
* No, just the opposite.
* No, I have no sexual interests.
||
|-
| Is [[JERKS|a guy who's slept with 100 girls]] a bad person? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you more of a morning person or a night person? ||
* Morning
* Night
||
|-
| How vegetarian are you? ||
* Not at all!
* I might become one.
* I'm a flexitarian or pescatarian.
* I'm a vegetarian.
||
|-
| Do you flake out on social invitations? (Accept and change your mind at the last minute.) ||
* Sometimes
* Rarely / Never
||
|-
| Do you think most people your age would guess what kinds of music you listen to or don't listen to just by looking at you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do trees have souls? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Anything is possible.
|-
| If you came across a word you didn't know while reading, would you stop to look up its definition? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Have you ever thrown an object in anger during an argument? ||
* Yes.
* [[Chris and anger#Examples of Chris's anger|No.]]
||
|-
| If you saw a man knitting in public what would you think? ||
* He's gay.
* He's hot.
* He's just secure in his masculinity.
* He's weird.
||
I wouldn't care; none of my business.
|-
| Do you ever feel it is important to answer questions like these in certain denominations or multiples? (e.g., You can't stop until you've answerd a multiple of 5 questions or the total number of questions you've answered ends in 2.) ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine your date starts groping you in the car while you're driving. Which would you be most likely to do? ||
* Pull over immediately and return the favor.
* Find the nearest hotel room.
* Roll with the flow and keep driving.
* Tell them to stop.
||
|-
| If your significant other turned down sex in favor of a video game, after you have already had sex three times that day, would you be offended? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Not ideally, but realistically, do you flock to the "bad" boys/girls? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think most people tell at least one lie most days? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How would you feel about a significant other [[List of toys|collecting toys that are generally considered appropriate for children]]? ||
* Positive.
* Negative.
* Neutral or indifferent.
||
|-
| Would you read a book recommended to you by a significant other? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe, depending on the book.
||
|-
| When you fall in love with someone, do you go ahead and tell them, or do you wait for them to say they love you first? ||
* I go ahead and tell them.
* I wait until they say it.
* I don't really care.
* Never been in love.
||
At least to state that I like her.
|-
| I accept other people's quirks: ||
* Enthusiastically
* Readily
* Grudgingly
* Not at all
||
|-
| Have you ever given an answer on a test or quiz that you knew with perfect certainty to be correct, even though you were confident another answer was expected and that your 'correct choice' would not receive credit? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is art important to you? ||
* [[Chris and art|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you? ||
* Yes
* No
* Not possible
||
|-
| Which type of education would you prefer for your children? ||
* Public.
* Private.
* Religious.
* Home.
||
|-
| Do you typically speak and write in a clear, precise manner? ||
* [[Chris and English|Yes, almost always.]]
* Yes, but only for classes/work.
* It depends on my mood.
* Ha, my language is vague and messy.
||
|-
| If you found out the person you're dating cannot achieve orgasm without being slapped hard across the face, would you be willing to satisfy them in this way? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you Google someone before a first date? ||
* Yes. Knowledge is power!
* No. Why spoil the mystery?
||
|-
| Do you have any tattoos? ||
* I have 1 or more BIG tattoos
* I have 1 or more LITTLE tattoos
* I have no tattoos
||
|-
| How important would it be for you to have a work schedule that is similar to your partner's work schedule? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| What's your take on "professional" wrestling? ||
* I love it - Give me ringside seats.
* It's ok. If it's on, I might watch.
* I don't care for it.
* I think anyone who watches it is stupid.
||
|-
| Have you typically researched the policies of companies before you bought products from them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Regardless of your actual age, do you consider yourself to be an adult? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only some of the time.
||
|-
| Do you have a child or children? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Someone you are interested in sometimes becomes very emotional over forms of art (movies, music, poetry.) How does this make you feel? ||
* They are a sissy
* It's cool / ok
* I am the same way
||
|-
| Is it easy for you to throw away things that you don't really use anymore? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Sometimes difficult sentimentally.
|-
| You have just been unfairly laid off from work. As you are leaving, you have an opportunity to steal something of value, and nobody would know. Would you take it? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you ever consider dating a Catholic? ||
* Yes
* Hesitant, but willing
* No
* Only if he/she was non-practicing
||
|-
| How often do you wear underwear? ||
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
||
Panties and Sports Bra; I am a Tomgirl.
|-
| Imagine that, through some misfortune, your significant other loses the ability to have sex again. Do you stay with them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if we're free to have sex with someone else.
||
|-
| Would you date someone with a mental illness? ||
* Yes
* Depends on the illness
* Only if they're symptom free through treatment
* No
||
|-
| Do you usually blurt things out, or do you think carefully before speaking? ||
* Blurt it out
* Think carefully
||
|-
| What do you think of laws that make smoking illegal in bars and restaurants? ||
* I support the laws
* I oppose the laws
||
|-
| Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is 'seeing someone' or 'married'? ||
* Yes to both
* No to both
* Yes to 'seeing someone' only
* Yes to 'married' only
||
|-
| Do you believe that art and literature courses are important to students, even if they are majoring in other fields? ||
* Yes, absolutely.
* I like them, but don't know if they're important.
* No, why waste their time?
||
|-
| Do you like the taste of beer? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should healthcare be funded by the government? ||
* Yes, for everyone.
* Yes, but only for certain people.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you know CPR? ||
* Yes
* No
* Only the basics/never finished the course.
||
|-
| Do you pick up after yourself? Be honest. ||
* Always.
* Yeah, when I have the time.
* No, I live in filth.
* No, my mom/roommate/partner mostly does it for me.
||
|-
| Guys/girls who are tall and lanky: ||
* Love it!
* Hate it!
* Don't particularly care
||
|-
| Have you ever purchased a math textbook purely for your own enjoyment? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be good at clear verbal communication? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Do you consider yourself to be a picky eater? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Someone you like is drunkenly flirting with you. You know that with a sober mind this person would never engage in casual sex, but now it seems that they're willing. What do you do? ||
* Take advantage of the situation
* Absolutely nothing
||
|-
| You're dating someone new. You discover that they have a housemate the same sex as you. This: ||
* Makes you feel uncomfortable
* Doesn't faze you one bit
||
|-
| Do you enjoy crossword puzzles or jumbled word puzzles? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you run into a burning building to rescue your pet? ||
* Yes, without a doubt
* No, it's only an animal
* I'm not sure/Depends on the conflagration
* I don't have a pet
||
|-
| Imagine you're having the perfect conversation with your ideal partner. What are you doing? ||
* Telling stories
* Debating
* Agreeing
* Making plans
||
|-
| Who is more annoying, the person who talks too much or the person who doesn't talk enough? ||
* The person who talks too much.
* The person who doesn't talk enough.
||
|-
| Would you be turned off by the idea of dating someone who has never been kissed? ||
* Yes
* No
* Don't know
||
|-
| You've been gone for a day, and didn't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend where you were, you come to find ten messages on your answering machine from him/her. You find this... ||
* Unsettling
* A bit much, but understandable
* Very sweet
* I wouldn't think anything of it
||
|-
| Have you ever faked an orgasm during sex? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you created a 'Things To Do Before I Die' list? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date a recovering (non-drinking) alcoholic? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| On average, which best describes how often you GET WICKED DRUNK? ||
* Twice a week or more
* Weekly / Bi-Weekly
* Once every month or three.
* Seldom or never.
||
|-
| If your significant other actively participates in an activity that you are not really interested in, would you go to offer support if they wanted you to? ||
* Yes, as often as I could.
* Yes, I'd go occasionally.
* Maybe once or twice, to say I did.
* No, I would not.
||
|-
| You're out on the street and you encounter some people speaking a foreign language. What's your reaction? ||
* You're in our country; speak our language!
* No big deal.
* Cool, what language are they speaking?
* (in their language) Hi, how are you?
||
|-
| How would you react if a partner bought you an outfit to be worn during sex? ||
* Positively.
* Negatively.
* Indifferently.
* It would depend upon the outfit.
||
|-
| Does silence make you uncomfortable? ||
* Yes
* No
* Depends on the situation
||
|-
| If someone identifies as a feminist, does that raise or lower your opinion of them? ||
* It raises my opinion.
* It lowers my opinion.
* It has no effect on my opinion.
||
|-
| What would be more likely to bother you in a relationship? ||
* Not enough space
* Not enough affection
||
|-
| Do you have a survival kit prepared just in case a disaster occurs and normal services are disrupted for an extended period of time? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| You're on a first date at a restaurant. You're most likely to order: ||
* Something relatively inexpensive.
* Something light and healthy.
* Something that isn't too messy to eat.
* Whatever I want, of course.
||
|-
| Do you believe that your government should fund embryonic stem cell research that would require the destruction of additional human embryos? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
* I don't care.
||
|-
| Which describes you better? ||
* Warm-hearted
* Cool-headed
||
|-
| Should governments control population by placing legal limits on childbearing? ||
* Yes.
* No, that violates human rights.
* No, that is against my spiritual beliefs.
* No, for other reasons.
||
|-
| Do you like wearing formal attire? ||
* Yes, I love dressing up.
* Occasionally, when I need to.
* No / It makes me uncomfortable.
* No opinion/Never had to
||
|-
| Do you enjoy crude humor, dirty jokes, and the like? ||
* Yes, and I often try to push the boundaries!
* Usually, yes.
* Not in most cases, no.
* Absolutely not at all.
||
|-
| Are you a good liar? ||
* Yes
* [[List of Chris's lies|No]]
||
|-
| Would you consider having sex in a graveyard? ||
* Yes, anything goes.
* Yes, but only with the living.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you make any special efforts to support small, independent businesses instead of the big chains? ||
* Yes, I support the little guys whenever I can.
* No, I prefer dealing with big business chains.
* I support whoever has superior products/services.
* This does not concern me at all.
||
|-
| Say you're with someone you really care about, and they reveal their deepest, darkest secret. Which of the following would be most likely to scare you away? ||
* [[April 16 Fetish Vids|A sexual fetish.]]
* [[Chris and anger|A bad temper.]]
* [[Autism|A mild mental illness.]]
* [[Chris and money#Credit cards|A history of bad credit.]]
||
|-
| If a very skinny stray cat were to come to your doorstep, would you feed it, believing that if you did, it would probably keep coming back? ||
* Yes - I would consider adopting it.
* Yes, but I could make no further commitment to it.
* No - Someone else should feed it.
* No - I would try to scare it away.
||
|-
| You are interested in someone, and you discover that they were a nerd in high school. How does this affect your opinion of them? ||
* Favorably.
* Unfavorably.
* It makes no difference.
||
|-
| Do you lift weights? ||
* [[11042009 51 50|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have instant ramen noodles ever been your nutritional mainstay for more than 2 weeks? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is a sinful or immoral thought just as bad as acting on that thought? ||
* Yes, it's just as bad.
* No, it's not as bad.
* A thought can't be sinful or immoral.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who has been divorced more than once? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever dyed your hair a real crazy, unnatural color? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should drunk drivers who kill people in auto crashes face the death penalty? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you allow a pet to sleep on your bed? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
|-
| Of the following, which do you spend the most time doing while taking a bath or shower? ||
* Washing and/or conditioning.
* Shaving.
* Relaxing.
* Masturbating.
||
|-
| Your significant other's family speaks a different language, and will accept you more easily if you speak it. Do you: ||
* Learn it by taking classes
* Try to pick it up along the way
* Do nothing
||
|-
| You're shopping for something and have three versions to choose from. Which do you pick? ||
* The one with the most style.
* The one with the most features.
* The one with the lowest price.
||
|-
| In a potential mate, is ditzyness a turn-on or a turn-off? ||
* Turn-on. I find scatterbrained people cute.
* Turn-off. I find easily-confused types annoying.
* I'm neutral / it depends on their other traits.
||
|-
| Do you believe that scientific investigation is the only effective method to gain meaningful knowledge about the universe? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| How often do you tell your platonic friends that you love them? ||
* Almost every time I see them.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
|-
| A difference of opinion over which of the following topics would most likely make you think twice about dating someone? ||
* Abortion
* Politics
* Death Penalty
* None of these would.
||
|-
| In a certain light, couldn't being homeless be exciting? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Should adults be required by law to wear seatbelts when riding as passengers in automobiles? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer it if fashion models were the same size and bodytype as the average citizen? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Jealousy: healthy or unhealthy, in the context of a relationship? ||
* Healthy
* Unhealthy
||
|-
| Would you object to someone bringing a young child along on a first date? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like putting together jigsaw puzzles? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Which is worse: starving children or abused animals? ||
* Starving children.
* Abused animals.
* Neither, both are good.
* Neither, they are equally bad.
||
|-
| Could you be in a relationship with someone who had been previously sexually abused? ||
* Yes
* Yes - if that didn't affect our sex life.
* I'm Not Sure
* No
||
|-
| Do you look up lyrics on the internet for songs that you like? ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Seldom.
* Never.
||
|-
| Consider the recent fictional movies you have watched. Which of the following aspects do you find most disturbing? ||
* Sex.
* Violence.
* Racial or cultural stereotyping.
* None of the above disturbs me.
||
|-
| Do you space out or daydream a lot? ||
* All the time
* Rarely / never
* Sometimes
||
|-
| Would you say your actions are guided more by your head or your heart? ||
* Head
* Heart
* Genitalia
||
|-
| Would you ever use paper plates just to avoid doing dishes? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you leave the lights on after leaving a room when they are no longer necessary? ||
* Always - I don't think about turning lights off.
* Usually - This isn't very important.
* Sometimes - I try to save energy but do forget.
* Rarely or never - That would be wasteful.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider having a friendship based primarily on sex, with no intentions for love, romance, or long-term commitment? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy provoking people just to get a response. ||
* Often.
* Sometimes.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you read the dedications and introductions when you're reading a book? ||
* Yes, always or almost always
* Occasionally, if I'm interested
* No, I just get right to it
* I don't read / don't read books with introductions
||
|-
| How important is it that your partner be willing and able to participate in meaningful philosophical conversations? ||
* Extremely important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Do you ever drink alcohol in order to lower your inhibitions with the opposite sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does netspeak (e.g., afk, brb, How RU?, lol, rotfl, ttyl, etc.) bother you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Some of the time - It depends.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Have you ever spent more than 8 hours straight playing video games? ||
* Yes
* No.
* Anyone who does is a loser.
||
|-
| Do you own a gun? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you okay with people who grow marijuana for their own personal use? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think that the psychological differences between human males and females are better explained by nature or nurture? ||
* Nature.
* Nurture.
* The two play a nearly equal role.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| When you offer criticism, how is it most often received? ||
* As constructive.
* As destructive.
* Some of both - It depends upon the situation.
* I don't offer criticism.
||
|-
| When you are feeling down or blue, which is most comforting to you? ||
* Food.
* Sex.
* Exercise.
* Music.
||
|-
| Would you consider performing anilingus on a partner who asked you to? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| If you had to guess, do you think humans will go extinct in the next 1000 years? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I don't know.
|-
| How much does physical attractiveness matter to you in a match? ||
* A lot
* A little
* Not at all
||
|-
| For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you gamble? ||
* Often.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| How do you usually feel toward authority figures (teachers/instructors, police officers, etc.)? ||
* Grateful or appreciative
* Aggressive or angry
* Indifferent
* Sexually attracted
||
But SERIOUSLY Upset at the corrupted [[Jerkops]].
|-
| Imagine you have a partner who is able to provide financially for you and any children. Would you consider taking a stay-at-home role? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you ever pick food off of other people's plates? ||
* Yes, without asking.
* Yes, but only after asking.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you ever been married? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe in karma? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you try new things (food, activities, music, whatever) that you've never tried before? ||
* Several times per week, or more.
* Several times per month.
* Several times per year.
* Rarely or never.
||
|-
| Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in school? ||
* Yes, students should hear both sides
* No, creationism has no place in schools
* No, evolution has no place in schools
||
|-
| What's the highest level of education you've completed? ||
* Graduate School
* College
* High School
* Junior High
||
|-
| Is there a point in a relationship where it can get "too serious"? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine you've been dating someone. After a year, they explain to you for the first time that they can see ghosts/spirits. How would you react? ||
* I'd immediately terminate the relationship.
* I'd be excited about the possibilities.
* I'd encourage a psychiatric evaluation.
* I'd compare notes because I can see them, too.
||
|-
| Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before actually having them? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| When it comes to art, do you prefer works that are abstract or representational? ||
* Abstract.
* Representational.
* I like both kinds equally.
* I'm not a big fan of art.
||
|-
| If you found out your partner was cheating on you, would you cheat on them in revenge? ||
* Yes, they have it coming!
* No, I'd confront them.
* No, I'd dump them on the spot.
* Maybe, if one of their friends is cute.
||
|-
| Which would you rather lose? ||
* the right to bear arms
* the right to vote
||
|-
| What haircolor, or shade, do you prefer? ||
* Dark (Black, Brown, Auburn)
* Light (Blonde, Light Brown, Red)
* Other (Neon, Obviously Dyed)
* I have no preference
||
|-
| Which of the following would you consider yourself? ||
* Neat Freak
* Clean, but can deal with a little mess
* Average
* Messy
||
|-
| How do you describe yourself politically? ||
* As a Republican
* As a Democrat
* As a an Independent/Something Else
* None of these / I'm not American
||
Moderate
|-
| How important is it that incoming messages on OkCupid come from people who have a high match percentage with you? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
||
|-
| Your family dog/cat is diagnosed with an illness, and the vet bill will be $2,000. Do you : ||
* Save Fluffy--to hell with the expense!
* Grudgingly pay the bill.
* Have Fluffy put down
||
|-
| How do you feel about people with past addictions? ||
* Completely uninterested
* Extremely hesitant
* A little hesitant
* Totally fine
||
|-
| How important is it to you that a potential partner continues to educate himself/herself as an adult? ||
* Very important.
* Somewhat important.
* Not at all important.
* Actually, this would be a turn-off.
||
It is one's choice to further educate.
|-
| If you were to be with one person for the rest of your life, which of the following would you fear most? ||
* Partner's unfaithfulness.
* Partner's eventual unattractiveness.
* Insufficient sex.
* Lack of communication.
||
|-
| Do animals have "souls" like humans do? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Other than when going to bed for the night, how often do you fall asleep while watching TV? ||
* Frequently.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
But I have it tuned to Music Choice Easy Listening.
|-
| When chatting with a potential friend/significant other online, is use of proper grammar and spelling important to you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| War. What is it good for? ||
* Absolutely nothing.
* Some things.
* Many things.
* Everything.
||
|-
| How trusting are you where it concerns your government? ||
* Completely.
* Somewhat.
* Not at all.
||
|-
| When cooking food in the microwave, do you often impatiently hit the cancel button within the last few seconds rather than waiting? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't have/use a microwave
||
|-
| Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 6 months? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which is closest to your reaction to foul language? ||
* It doesn't bother me at all.
* It's ok as long as it isn't every other word.
* It bothers me a little.
* It bothers me a lot.
||
|-
| Do you laugh when somebody trips and falls? ||
* Yes, almost always
* No, almost never
* Occasionally
||
|-
| How would you describe your body? ||
* Slender
* Average
* Athletic
* Voluptuous
||
|-
| Goth chicks? ||
* Sexy
* Lame
* I don't know
||
|-
| Excluding childhood fights, have you ever punched someone in the face? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| What's your opinion of male crossdressers? ||
* [[Tomgirl Saga|I have no problem with them. You go girls!]]
* I respect them, but they still freak me out.
* Whatever they do in private is their business.
* I do not approve of them.
||
|-
| Did a parent or guardian ever actually wash your mouth out with soap? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Imagine you are put on hold while making a telephone call. A song you like comes on while you wait. Would you sing along? ||
* Yes, definitely.
* Probably.
* Probably not.
* No, definitely not.
||
|-
| When telling stories, do you like to exaggerate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think you can tell how good someone is at sex by how they move on the dance floor? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think a girl with hairy underarms is necessarily unattractive? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| In a relationship I like to discuss politics with my partner. ||
* All the time!
* Sure. I'm interested in sharing our beliefs.
* Sometimes. It depends.
* Hardly. Politics are boring or personal.
||
|-
| What is the longest you have gone without sleep? ||
* Less than 18 hours.
* 18 to 24 hours.
* 24 to 36 hours.
* More than 36 hours.
||
|-
| Do you play or have you ever played a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game? ||
* I enjoy playing them
* I'm a recovering addict - never again
* No, but I'd like to try one
* Not my type of thing / NO IDEA
||
|-
| Honestly, which do you do more of? ||
* Watch television
* Read
||
|-
| Do you know the first name of every person you've ever made out with? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Has Christianity made the world better or worse? ||
* Better
* Worse
* No opinion / Not sure
||
|-
| How important is art in your daily life? ||
* Very Important
* Somewhat Important
* Not Important
* I don't care
||
|-
| How do you feel about falling in love? ||
* I love it and want it very much
* I try to avoid it
* I like to just let it happen
* I'm indifferent / not sure
||
|-
| Which of the following would you be most disturbed to find in a 13-year-old child's room? ||
* Condoms.
* Illegal drugs.
* Pornography.
* Weapons.
||
|-
| During a romantic evening at your significant others' house, he or she puts on a slow song and asks you to dance. How would you respond? ||
* Very romantic! I'm up for it!
* I think its corny, but I'll do it anyway!
* Not my kinda thing.
* I'm not sure.
||
|-
| Sharing a toothbrush with your partner is… ||
* Utterly disgusting
* Okay, sometimes
* A sign of closeness
||
|-
| How do you generally feel about people who tend to hug others whom they've just met? ||
* More positive than negative.
* More negative than positive.
* Indifferent.
||
|-
| Do you work out a lot? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be? ||
* Love
* Wealth
* Expression
* Knowledge
||
|-
| Imagine you are at a social event and your partner says something you disagree with strongly. Which of the following would you most likely do? ||
* I'd support them even though I disagree.
* I'd just keep quiet.
* I'd politely disagree.
* I'd argue my point aggressively.
||
|-
| How often do you meditate? ||
* Frequently.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.) ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you a 'double dipper'? In other words, do you ever take a bite of food and then dip it back into a shared sauce or dip? ||
* Yes, I double dip indiscriminately.
* Yes, but only with family or close friends.
* Yes, but only with a partner.
* No, never.
||
|-
| Have you ever blacked out from drunkenness? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a significant other requested that you stop wearing antiperspirant or deodorant, is this something you would seriously consider? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I am already totally 'natural' in this way.
||
|-
| Suppose you're dating someone who seems to have long-term potential. You discover that they want to urinate on you during sex. Would you consider staying with this person? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Could Evolution and Intelligent Design both be right? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you prefer the people in your life to be simple or complex? ||
* Simple
* Complex
||
|-
| How often in conversation are you likely to use an exact quote from a movie, play, or TV show? ||
* [[Things Chris has ripped off|Once a day or more.]]
* Every few days or so.
* Once a week or less.
* I never do this or I no longer do this.
||
TV! We talk TV! You talk some TV?<ref>http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0003346/quotes</ref>
|-
| Would you date someone just for the sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were to receive one month's salary as a gift, which of the following would come to mind first? ||
* Save it.
* Spend it.
* Pay off debt.
||
|-
| With respect to sex drive, which of the following has created problems in your prior relationships? ||
* Having a partner with a greater sex drive.
* Having a partner with a weaker sex drive.
* Both of the above.
* Neither of the above.
||
|-
| Pick the best date on this list: ||
* A really nice restaurant
* A really divey bar
* A day at the beach
||
|-
| Do you prefer to eat organic food? ||
* Yes, as much as possible
* I would, but it's too expensive
* Sometimes, if it's easy to get
* No / Don't Care
||
|-
| Does hanging out in an empty field, in the middle of no where, at 2am to watch a meteor shower sound like fun to you? ||
* Heck yeah! I'll bring the hot cocoa/coffee/tea.
* I've never done it but it sounds like fun.
* I could take it or leave it.
* Sounds like a complete waste of time.
||
|-
| Overall, do you think that what you do (or plan to do) for a living makes the world a better or worse place? ||
* Better.
* Worse.
* No impact.
* I neither work nor plan to.
||
|-
| Do you believe there is some unique human quality that separates us from animals? ||
* Yes, and it was given to us by God
* Yes, but it has nothing to do with God
* No, we are just animals
* I don't know
||
|-
| Is a tongue stud a turn-on? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you pose nude for a magazine? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
If I got paid to do it.
|-
| How important is it to you to have your own unique "thing" (like a weekly Girls' Night Out or Guys' Movie Night) that you don't share with your partner(s)? ||
* Very - I need some ME time to be happy
* Sort of - I need friends outside of my partner
* Not much - I like sharing stuff with my partner
* I'd prefer not to have exclusive things
||
|-
| While evaluating someone you are dating, do you find yourself placing much importance on how good of a parent you think they'll make? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Just a little.
||
|-
| Do you wish things like vampires, fairies, werewolves, ghosts, or something along those lines were real? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Specifically, my own [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] characters and my [[CWCVille|city of Cwcville]].
|-
| Have you ever formed an opinion about a stranger in a grocery store, based primarily on the items he or she is buying? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is it possible for your partner to be too ambitious? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is being "in-style" with regards to fashion important to you? ||
* Yes, Extremely
* [[Chris and fashion|Yeah, sometimes]]
* Not really
* No Way!
||
|-
| How do you feel about government-subsidized food programs (free lunch, food stamps, etc.)? ||
* No problem
* It's okay, if it is not abused
* Okay for short amounts of time
* Never – Get a job
||
|-
| Do you believe in fate? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Hypothetically, do you think you would be good at being a porn star? ||
* [[Chris and ego|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Personally, is sex in a public place hotter than indoor sex? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure / Wouldn't know
||
|-
| Do you hang out with the same group of friends almost every time you go out? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Can two people fall in love without ever meeting in person? ||
* Yes.
* [[Blanca Weiss|No.]]
||
|-
| Where did you graduate in your high school class? ||
* Top 5%
* Top 20%
* [[Honor Roll|Top Half]]
* Bottom Half
||
|-
| Would you prefer to live in an old house with character and history or a brand spanking new one? ||
* Old
* New
||
|-
| If I saw someone checking out my significant other, I'd feel: ||
* flattered / proud
* protective / concerned
* unchanged
||
|-
| Would you ever record a video of yourself having sex? ||
* Yes
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only|No]]
||
|-
| Have you ever intentionally left a book in a public place, hoping someone else would pick it up and read it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you more often get angry with yourself or with other people? ||
* Myself
* [[Chris and Anger|Others]]
||
|-
| Do you like to go clubbing? ||
* Yes, I prefer to go alone.
* Yes, I prefer to go with a date.
* Yes, I prefer to go with friends.
* No. I do not like to go clubbing.
||
|-
| Would you consider living with a partner who does not want any pets? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to adopt a child? ||
* Yes
* No
* I only want adopted children.
* I don't want children.
||
|-
| You're in a cabin and it is freezing cold. If you don't start a fire soon, you will surely die. You only have two flammable items for kindling. Which do you use to get the fire going? ||
* My country's flag.
* The only copy of a great and important book.
* Neither - I'd rather freeze to death.
* Both - I have no hesitation burning either.
||
|-
| How do you feel about age differences in relationships? ||
* I prefer someone close to my own age
* I prefer someone older
* [[Pedofork|I prefer someone younger]]
* Doesn't matter to me
||
|-
| Are you smarter than most people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you, or have you ever, read a text book or technical manual for fun/pleasure? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| You are more romantic than most people you know. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Have you ever gone white water rafting? ||
* Yes, I love it
* No, never
* Yes, but never again
* No, but I'd like to
||
|-
| Once you're intimate, how often would you and your significant other have sex? ||
* Every day
* About every other day
* Once or twice a week
* A few times a month or less
||
|-
| Do you have names planned out for future children? ||
* [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Yes.]]
* No.
* No, and I'm not planning on any future children.
||
|-
| If you hooked up with someone and a pregnancy unexpectedly resulted, would you feel that you should get married? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you own any shiny or form-fitting clothing? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever cosplayed? (Dressed up as a comic/anime character) ||
* [[Chris and cosplaying|Yes]]
* No, and I wouldn't be interested
* No, but it sounds cool
||
|-
| How do you feel about the Pro-Ana movement (anorexic women forming support groups to encourage each other in anorexia)? ||
* It horrifies me
* I guess they can do what they want if they're 18
* People have an unqualified right to their own body
* I'm not sure
||
I would support it if it was towards Recovery, not the sad act.
|-
| Some religions are more correct than others. ||
* True
* False
||
|-
| Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships? ||
* Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.
* Guy-on-guy is okay, but girl-on-girl is wrong.
* All same-sex relationships are wrong.
* It's all fine by me.
||
|-
| Do you masturbate? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are you an intellectual? In the context of this question, intellectual means someone who loves learning, often for its own sake. ||
* Yes
* No
* I find learning boring
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who is a full-time student? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you like holding hands? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like traveling? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think it is possible for someone to be an Atheist and still have a solid moral framework by which to live? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Is interracial marriage a bad idea? ||
* Yes
* No
||
It is good for some people, but I would not date a black woman
|-
| Have you ever had an abortion/requested a mate to get one? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you like fireplaces? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* I don't know.
||
|-
| Are you a Buddhist? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Is it okay to live with someone you're dating, even before you're engaged or married? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you know what a 'safeword' is, in a sexual context? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you have any "extreme" piercings (this includes anything other than ears, nose, or navel)? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex? ||
* Yes, and I enjoyed myself.
* Yes, and I did not enjoy myself.
* No, and I would never.
* No, but I would like to.
||
[''After Chris came out as transgender, he added:''] I am a Lesbian Identified Male, Teansgender Tomgirl, and I am proud of myself for that.
|-
| Do you mind getting really dirty working or playing outside? ||
* No - I'm never clean!
* No - I clean up well.
* Yes - I hate dirt!
||
|-
| Are you totally comfortable being naked around your lover, not just during sex? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Did America really put a man on the moon? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If a close friend doesn't call you for a week, do you start worrying that he hates you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Can you change a tire on your own? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone a LOT more sexually experienced than you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you believe that regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you kiss on the first date? ||
* Under the right circumstance, Yes
* Never
* Always
||
I would let it be her choice.
|-
| Do you hunt animals for sport? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer to date someone way dumber than you, or way smarter? ||
* Way smarter
* Way dumber
||
|-
| Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you? ||
* Yes
* [[Third date|No]]
||
|-
| Have you ever lead someone on romantically just for fun? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Are you Jewish? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you feel nauseated at the sight of blood? ||
* Yes, if it's someone else's.
* Yes, if it's mine.
* Yes to both above.
* No
||
|-
| Would you be willing to go shopping for sex toys? ||
* [[Sex toys|Yes.]]
* No.
* Online only.
||
|-
| Have you ever had unwanted hair removed by waxing? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| The idea of gay and lesbian couples having children is: ||
* Acceptable.
* Not acceptable.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who doesn't own a car? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you think physical love is necessary for happiness in life? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Touching/holding hands minimal
|-
| If a potential partner has children living in their home, would it be important for you to meet them before you committed yourself to a relationship? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| In a conversation are you usually... ||
* Listening
* Waiting to speak
||
|-
| Is it okay for a girl to talk openly about her sexual exploits? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Some friends invite you to go camping where there are no showers, no toilets, and no services. The only luxuries would be those you could carry in a pack on your back. Do you go? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you date someone who was looking for true love - but no sex, at all, ever? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Does someone who refuses to take care of their body (e.g. diet, cleanliness, etc.) have the right to complain about not getting laid? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don't want to answer this question
||
|-
| People who throw cigarette butts out of their car window... ||
* Are not doing any real harm
* Are being insensitive and/or rude
||
|-
| How does having sex with someone usually affect your emotional attachment to them? ||
* I become more attached.
* I become less attached.
* I told you. I'm a virgin.
* It stays about the same.
||
|-
| Who do you think was smartest on this list? ||
* Einstein
* Shakespeare
* Mozart
* Jesus
||
|-
| Agree or disagree: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (or the one)." ||
* Agree
* Disagree
||
|-
| If someone described themselves as 'just an average guy/gal', how would this most likely affect your opinion of them? ||
* Positively.
* Negatively.
* It would depend on other factors.
||
|-
| How many children would you ideally like to have? ||
* None
* 1-2
* 3-4
* 5 or more!
||
|-
| Would you date someone who still lives with his/her parents? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How should people spell "women"? ||
* Women
* Womyn, or other feminist spelling revisions
* I don't care either way
||
|-
| Do humans and modern primates (apes, chimps, etc) share a common evolutionary ancestor? ||
* Yes
* No
* Unsure
||
|-
| You have a one-time opportunity to use a machine with a numbered dial, which, when turned, adds that number to both your IQ and your weight. What do you do? ||
* Turn it up -- I'd love the extra smarts.
* Turn it down -- I'm smart 'n' chunky
* Don't touch that dial -- I like myself as is.
||
|-
| Have you ever tried any sexual roleplaying, such as student/teacher or patient/nurse? ||
* All the time. It really turns me on!
* Yes, on occasion. I have to be in the mood.
* No, but it sounds interesting.
* No, and it isn't going to happen. Ever.
||
|-
| How often are you open with your feelings? ||
* Always
* Usually
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| Do you like watching foreign movies with subtitles? ||
* Yes
* No
* Can’t answer without a subtitle
||
|-
| If one of your potential matches were overweight, would that be a dealbreaker? ||
* Yes, even if they were slightly overweight.
* Yes, but only if they were obese.
* No.
* No, in fact I prefer overweight people.
||
|-
| Would you do a striptease for your mate? ||
* [[Little Tomboy Blue|Yes]]
* No
* Maybe / Unsure
||
|-
| In your current music collection, do you have more independent artists or big name superstars? ||
* Independent
* Big name superstars
* A mix of both
* I don't have a music collection
||
|-
| Is it ever okay to [[Death threats|kill another human being]]? ||
* Yes.
* Yes, to save your own life.
* Yes, if the government orders it.
* Never.
||
|-
| Do you remember dreams that you had as a child? ||
* Yes, only good dreams.
* Yes, only bad dreams.
* [[Dreams|Yes, both good and bad dreams.]]
* No.
||
|-
| How frequently do you drink alcohol? ||
* Very often
* Sometimes
* Rarely
* Never
||
|-
| If you were going away for two weeks, how far in advance would you start packing? ||
* I would pack at least two days before I leave.
* I would pack on the day before I leave.
* I would pack on the same day I leave.
* I would not pack at all.
||
|-
| Do you have any credit cards? ||
* [[Chris and money#Credit cards|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Do you like horror movies? ||
* [[Saw|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| Before people find out your real age, what do they usually assume? ||
* That I'm younger than I really am.
* That I'm older than I really am.
* They are usually very close.
* I haven't noticed a pattern.
||
|-
| Psychic tells Joe he's going to have a car accident.... Joe does. What most likely happened? ||
* Psychic really did see the event ahead of time
* Joe believed so much he made/allowed it happen
* Chance: Car accidents aren't so rare
||
|-
| Is it okay to search your child's room, to make sure they aren't doing anything you don't want them to do? ||
* Yes.
* Only with probable cause.
* No, their right to privacy is too important.
||
|-
| Boardgames? ||
* I love boardgames, let's go play.
* Boardgames are okay, I guess.
* I'd rather do something else.
||
|-
| You just prepared some food in your kitchen and made a mess. Do you: ||
* Clean up immediately.
* Clean up immediately after eating.
* Postpone the cleanup for later.
* Not cleanup at all.
||
|-
| What kind of shape are you in? ||
* Great
* [[Chris and health|Average]]
* Shitty
||
Physically: Average; Mentally: [[Stress|Stressed]]; Emotionally: Fair to Good.
|-
| What do you usually wear when you sleep? ||
* Pajamas.
* Underwear.
* Nothing.
* Something else.
||
|-
| Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure / Depends how serious it was
||
Only with Straight, Lesbians or Bi-Women.
|-
| Do you usually add salt to your meals? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Are your birth parents divorced? ||
* Yes
* No
* They were never married!
||
|-
| What is your position on hunting? ||
* I approve of hunting for food and sport.
* I approve of hunting for food only.
* I do not approve of hunting at all.
||
|-
| Does the car someone drives say a lot about their character? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Have you used psychedelic drugs (LSD, mescaline, peyote, etc.) or would you like to? ||
* Yes, I have used psychedelic drugs.
* No, I have not used them and I would not try them.
* No, I have not used them but I would try them.
||
|-
| How much does the sound of a person's voice affect their attractiveness to you? ||
* A lot
* [[BlueSpike#Julie|A little]]
* Not at all
||
|-
| Is it easy for you to achieve orgasm? ||
* Yes, with skill and sometimes patience
* Yes, any time the wind picks up
* No, and I find it somewhat frustrating
* No, but don't worry, I'm enjoying myself
||
|-
| How often do you do things out of spite? ||
* Very often.
* Sometimes.
* Rarely.
* Never.
||
|-
| In a serious relationship, do you feel it's important to keep your significant other informed of the details of your day-to-day life? ||
* Yes
* No
* Some
* I don't do serious relationships
||
|-
| Are you fetish-friendly? ||
* Bring out the toys!
* Never tried it, but I'm open-minded.
* Not sure/don't know what they really are.
* Ew!
||
|-
| How do you feel about documentaries? ||
* Yay!
* Okay
* NO.
||
|-
| Would you ever consider having sex in a church? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| How often do you use profane language? ||
* Never
* Once in a while
* Often
* Almost always
||
Mostly when I am feeling really stressed.
|-
| Do you believe that your vote makes a difference? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Other than as an end to suffering, have you ever truly hoped that another person would die? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| What is your opinion on freckles? ||
* They turn me on. The more the merrier!
* They turn me off. Give me flawless skin, please.
* I could take them or leave them.
* A light dusting can be cute.
||
|-
| Are you accepting of other people? ||
* I'm highly benevolent
* I'm selective
* I'm fussy
* I'm a hard-nosed bastard
||
|-
| Have you ever been cruel to another person? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Do you enjoy reading and/or watching Shakespearean plays? ||
* Yes
* No / Not really / Only for school
||
|-
| Who would you rather compete against? ||
* Someone less skilled than yourself
* Someone evenly matched
* Someone more skilled
||
|-
| Are you, or have you ever been, in a band? (A solo act is fine, too. Don't count school bands.) ||
* Yes
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|No]]
||
|-
| If a government were [[Kick the Autistic|brutally oppressing you]], what would you do? ||
* Organize peaceful resistance
* Join the oppressive government
* Move/escape away to a benign power
* Break out the .50 sniper rounds
||
|-
| Do you enjoy discussing politics? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| How often do you skimp on sleep during the week and "catch up" on it during the weekend? ||
* Routinely.
* Somewhat often.
* Only under special circumstances.
* Never.
||
Not sure
|-
| Could you date someone who does drugs? ||
* No
* Yes, but only soft stuff like marijuana
* Yes
||
|-
| Have you ever attended a political demonstration or convention? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| If you were out to dinner and your date was a vegetarian would you still order meat? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure/ I would ask them first
* I'm vegetarian too
||
|-
| Do spelling mistakes annoy you? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you ever created a piece of art for a friend, just because you were thinking of them? ||
* [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| What is too big of an age gap between you and a partner? ||
* 5 years
* 10 years
* 15 years
* Age is just a number
||
|-
| Do you write creatively (novels, plays, poetry, and so forth)? ||
* [[Chris and writing#Chris as a poet and lyricist|Call me Shakespeare]]
* Yes; only for assignments, though
* Not really / no
||
|-
| How often do you brush your teeth? ||
* Twice or more a day
* Once a day
* Only on days I feel like it
* Rarely / never
||
|-
| Do you talk in your sleep? ||
* Yes / Sometimes
* No / Very Rarely
* I'm Not Sure / Maybe
||
|-
| In the line “Wherefore art thou Romeo?,” what does “wherefore” mean? ||
* Why
* Where
* How
* Who cares / wtf?
||
|-
| When facing a complicated situation, can you easily put yourself in another person's shoes and consequently see things from his or her point of view? ||
* Yes
* No
* Sometimes
||
It would take a little while for me, but I do have empathy.
|-
| Would you enjoy going to an all night dance party? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Maybe
|-
| Do people that you've dated/tried to date ever tell you that you're just too "nice"? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you live without the Internet? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Your date for the evening surprises you with a pair of opera tickets. You ||
* ask whether Domingo or Carreras is singing.
* say 'I've never been before, but fun!'
* go along to avoid hurting your date's feelings.
* develop a sudden, severe case of the flu.
||
|-
| When you've just been to a great movie, read a great book, or listened to a great album, how would you rather discuss it? ||
* Recommend it to someone who isn't familiar with it
* Analyze it with someone who is familiar with it.
* I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself.
||
|-
| Which are you better at remembering, names or faces? ||
* Names.
* Faces.
||
|-
| Do you think angry or pornographic music lyrics should be kept, by law, away from kids? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Which makes for a better relationship? ||
* Passion
* Dedication
||
|-
| Would you rather… ||
* be tied up during sex
* do the tying
* avoid bondage all together
||
|-
| Which is your favorite season? ||
* Summer.
* Fall.
* Winter.
* Spring.
||
|-
| How far would you be willing to travel to meet a person of interest who also has a high match percentage for you here on OkCupid? ||
* Up to 20 miles (32km)
* 21 to 100 miles (33 to 161km)
* 101 to 500 miles (162 to 805km)
* More than 500 miles (805km)
||
|-
| If you're in a relationship you expect will last for the rest of your life, is it important to you that it be the most satisfying sexual relationship you have ever had? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that scientists create a new drug. When swallowed as a pill, it will completely and permanently eliminate feelings of guilt for prior events. Testing reveals that there are no harmful medical side effects. How should this pill be distributed? ||
* Over the counter to anyone who wants it.
* By doctor's prescription only.
* It should not be distributed at all.
||
The Trolls have tricked and blackmailed me into doing out-of-my-character deeds I am not at all proud of, and I would like to feel a Lot Less Stress from them if I can forget them.
|-
| Are you Christian? ||
* [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Yes]]
* No
||
|-
| If I had to choose among the following for an ideal romantic partner, I'd choose: ||
* Someone attractive and kind.
* Someone smart and kind.
* Someone attractive and smart.
||
|-
| You win a contest for a choice between two million dollar homes, you take... ||
* Urban penthouse
* Tropical beachhouse
||

|}

==LevelUpQueen profile==
{{main|OkCupid#LevelUpQueen profile}}

In late 2014, after Chris came out as a "lesbian identified male," he answered over 500 more questions. An incomplete sample is provided here. As in the previous table, Chris's answers are marked with an underline.

{| class="wikitable"
! Question
! Answers
! Explanation

|-
| Is it equally bad for a man and woman to cheat on a partner? ||
* Yes
* No, it is worse if a man cheats.
* No, it is worse if a woman cheats.
* I have no problem with cheating either way.
||
I would rather be mutually honest with my wife in the matter.
|-
| Are nudity and pornography the same thing? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
nudity is the person being naked; pornography is the IMAGE OR VIDEO content of naked people. You would be an idiot for thinking the two to be the same.
|-
| Would you sabotage contraceptives to have kids even though your mate doesn't want kids? ||
* Yes
* No
* I'm Not Sure
||
That is dishonest!
|-
| Do you think partial birth abortion should be banned? ||
* Yes, absolutely
* No, absolutely not
* I’m Not Sure
* I’m conflicted/I don’t know enough to say.
||
Partial Birth? What, the head isn't enough, you want the child to be a quadriplegic?
|-
| Does it bother you when people TyP3 LiK3 ThIS oN pUrPoSe? (Be honest.) ||
* Yes
* No
||
It's a good play on words, but too much of it would be annoying.
|-
| Would you ever film a sexual encounter without your partner knowing? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
I would rather have her consent first.
|-
| Manners are: ||
* Important
* Not very important
* I fart on this question
||
But not mandatory under some circumstances.
|-
| While walking down the street, you see an amazingly attractive member of the gender of your preference. He/she is completely naked and floating three feet in the air. Which do you find more intriguing? ||
* The fact that he/she is naked
* The fact that he/she is defying gravity
||
What the hell?
|-
| When would you prefer to settle a disagreement? ||
* Now.
* Later.
* Never.
||
I would have to think it over first.
|-
| Is it's better to have an open-relationship because there'll be cheating in monogamous relationships anyways. ||
True
False
||
I do not believe it as an inevitable, but I do feel an open relationship is healthy for the happiness of my woman partner, especially if she feels need to take a break from me for a while, or if I am unable to please her at the time. As long as we were mutually honest with each other. I would still be loyal and supportive to her.
|-
| Should sex education be given to children under 15? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
With [[Dating Education|DATING EDUCATION]]!!!!!!!!!!!!
|-
| If you were otherwise willing to enter into a marriage or life-long partnership, would you consider signing a prenuptial or equivalent agreement at the request of your partner? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
I would want to read it first.
|-
| If you had an eighteen year old son or daughter who wanted to become an adult film star, how would you react? ||
* I would encourage him or her
* I would discourage him or her.
* I would encourage my son, but not my daughter.
* I would encourage my daughter, but not my son.
||
But if that's what they feel of real want or need, I will support them.
|-
| Should it be socially acceptable for women have the choice/right to be topless in any area where it is ok for men to be topless? ||
* Yes
* No
||
[[Brassieres For Males|I sincerely wish it was not acceptable for Men to be topless]] in the first place. UGH!!!
|-
| Gay marriage—should it be legal? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you expect your partner to back you up in a dispute if you're in the wrong? ||
* Yes
* No
||
That would be up to my her.
|-
| You go on a date with someone, and during the date you say you would like to go out again. The next day you change your mind. How do you let them know? ||
* Call them and tell them you’ve changed your mind
* Wait for them to call you, and then tell them
* Ignore all of their calls/e-mails/faxes to you
* Keep seeing them, but half-heartedly
||
I would rather be honest.
|-
| Could you live a life full of traveling? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I'm not certain.
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who's had a gender change? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
I have Image Googled females who went under the surgery; I did not like the results at all.
|-
| "The customer is always right." ||
* True.
* False.
||
They may make a poor choice by mistake.
|-
| If you were going to have a daughter, which sexual orientation would you hope she would have? ||
* Lesbian.
* Straight.
* Bisexual.
* It wouldn’t matter to me at all.
||
|-
| If you received a virus warning by email, would you forward it to friends or family? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
It might be a false alarm.
|-
| Do you believe in reincarnation? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
It is possible, but I'm not sure.
|-
| How do you take care of household pests (cockroaches, spiders and the like)? ||
* Squish!
* Careful Relocation Outside
* I’m Not Sure
* Live and Let Live
||
I end up flushing stink bugs.
|-
| If you really clicked with someone online and were meeting them in person, how would you greet them when you met them? ||
* Give them a friendly hug
||
|-
| How often do you read? ||
* Daily – reading is a major part of my life
* Often – I read several books a year
* School – I read what I am assigned
* Rarely – Books are not really my thing
||
I'm reading something any day of the week; there are a lot of words in everything.
|-
| Are attractive people generally bad persons? ||
* Yes
* No
* What?
||
Not all of them are bad
|-
| Could you date someone with abnormal amounts of body hair? ||
* Yes
* No
* I don’t know
||
|-
| Are you a workaholic? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
I don't think so.
|-
| Do you ever use the word "gay" as an insult or pejorative? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I really detest the misuse of the word being redefined as "Stupid".
|-
| Your lover doesn't like one of your friends! You have to choose! ||
* Lose your friend
* Lose your lover
* I’m Not Sure
||
Depend on how close a friend we're talking about.
|-
| When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
I am not sure.
|-
| Divide your age by 2. Have you had sex with at least that many people? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Do you approve of public nudity? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
Eh, Whatever.
|-
| If I saw someone do something that deeply offended me or was illegal, I would: ||
* Confront the person.
||
|-
| Do you feel comfortable in an educational or academic environment? ||
* I love it; I'd possibly make teaching a career
||
|-
| Toilet Seat, up or down? ||
* Up.
* Down.
* Whatever my partner wishes.
* Either is fine with me.
||
|-
| When a relationship ends, what's the best thing to do? ||
* Go your separate ways
||
|-
| Does your ideal schedule involve staying up very late at night and sleeping during the day? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Not ideally, my internal [[biological clock]] is fickle.
|-
| Would you consider being part of a committed polyamorous relationship (i.e., three or more people but no sex outside the group)? ||
* Yes, I like that type of polygamy.
* I could be convinced by the right people
* I am commited to total monogamy
* I have open relationships only
||
|-
| Which is your preferred communications medium for long-distance relationships? ||
* Voice/video
* Chat/email
* Other
* I don’t do long-distance relationships
||
But I would not do L.D. Relationships.
|-
| Are you narcissistic? ||
* Completely!
* Quite a bit
* A tiny bit
* Not at all
||
|-
| My [[hair]] is usually... ||
* Very well groomed.
* Given a good combing.
* Intentionally unruly or unkempt.
* Left untouched.
||
|-
| How would you react if someone IM'd you and quickly started talking about sex? ||
* Positively.
* Negatively.
* Indifferently.
||
I would be shocked mildly at first
|-
| Have you ever tasted your own sexual fluids? ||
* Yes
* No, and I would never
* No, but I would
||
[[recycling|It tasted like chicken (grilled)]].
|-
| What is your opinion about softcore pornography magazines such as Playboy and Playgirl? ||
* Shows the beauty of the human body
* Degrading to the models
* Doesn’t matter to me
||
The women are portrayed in a good photographic light.
|-
| Genital piercings… ||
* Make me hot
* Ouch, no thanks.
* [[Unclit|No opinion/Not sure]]
||
|-
| Why do you dress the way you do? ||
* [[Chris and Fashion|It’s a way to expressing who I am]]
* I want to look good in the eyes of others
* I don’t think about it much, I just wear whatever
* Someone else buys/picks out what I wear
||
|-
| Is it okay for a guy to talk openly about his sexual exploits? ||
* Yes
* No
||
If they felt comfortable talking about it, or the relationship is open.
|-
| If a police officer is found guilty of a crime, do you believe the punishment should be more or less severe than for the average citizen? ||
* More severe.
* Less severe.
* Equally severe.
||
Punish the damned corrupted [[Jerkops]]!
|-
| Tongue rings - Hot or Not? ||
* Hot.
* Not.
||
But it does good for [[Mia Hamm|blow jobs]].
|-
| When judging people, are you harsher on them than you would be on yourself? ||
* No, I use the same standards as for myself.
||
|-
| Are you comfortable with using the toilet while your partner is in the bathroom with you or being in the bathroom while he or she is using the toilet? ||
* No way! I like my privacy.
||
|-
| Would you wear your partner's underclothing if they wanted you to? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Imagine that you live in a place where public nudity is not only legal, but also socially acceptable. Assuming that the climate is favorable, how often would you be totally naked in public? ||
* All of the time.
* Frequently.
* Occasionally.
* Never.
||
I would still wear socks and shoes.
|-
| How would you feel about dating someone who left their long-time partner heartbroken and ruined to be with you? ||
* What’s the problem?
* I’d accept it, but not trust them fully.
* No way!
* I don’t know
||
How Dare They?!
|-
| If you could have one wish granted, who'd benefit most from it? ||
* I would.
||
|-
| Are you scared of the future? ||
* Yes, a lot
* Yes, a little
* No, not really
* No, not at all
||
|-
| Can you think of someone that you truly hate, not just severely dislike? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Could you date someone androgynous (neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine)? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
As long as the person has [[China|the right parts]] for their half of the reproduction.
|-
| Do you believe there are only two genders? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
|-
| Do you think you basically conform to stereotypes about whatever sex you were born into? ||
* Varies from day to day
||
|-
| How well do you handle criticism? ||
* Not that well
||
|-
| For the right person, how long do you think that you could sustain a long-distance relationship? ||
* I couldn't do one, period.
||
|-
| Do you think head games are unavoidable, even in the healthiest of relationships? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
The [[Chris and Religion|higher force messes with everyone's heads]], and we all have Random Access Memory in our Biological Computers, so it can pop up even at random.
|-
| Do you use the word "ain't" in everyday conversation? ||
* Yes
* No
||
|-
| Have you experienced mental illness? ||
* Yes – severely
* [[autism|Yes – low grade]]
* No
* I’m not sure
||
|-
| If it were possible to change your gender instantly, painlessly, reversibly, and for free, would you? ||
* [[Homos#Chris and transsexuality|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| Do you have enough savings and investments to comfortably survive several months of unemployment? ||
* [[Chris and money|Usually yes, but not right now]]
||
|-
| Would you consider dating someone who confers on relationship decisions with an [[Sonichu (character)|invisible friend]] whom they've had since childhood? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Should public [[mass debating|masturbation]] be considered a crime? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
|-
| Would you prefer a daughter or a son? ||
* [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Daughter]]
* [[Reginald Chandler|Son]]
* Indifferent
* Neither
||
|-
| Imagine that you are in an uncommitted relationship with someone you have grown to deeply care about. They begin to date someone else who seems to make them happier than you do. Which would you do? ||
* Bow out.
* Try harder to win their love.
* Continue as before.
||
My relationship would be open, and I would want her to be happy, as long as she was honest with me.
|-
| Do you like loud concerts? ||
* Yes
* No
||
Really depends on how loud; I prefer Not eardrum bustingly loud
|-
| Let's say you have recently met a new potential significant other. How do you feel about the "Don't call more than every other day" rule? ||
* I would always follow it.
* I would follow it some of the time.
* I would never follow it.
||
|-
| Are you more attracted to virgins? ||
* Yes
* No
* I AM a virgin
||
But then again, how can I tell the difference anyway.
|-
| How long does it take to know truly and understand a person you're dating? ||
* Weeks
* Months
* Years
* Who really knows anyone?
||
|-
| Is it wrong to sleep in a bed/cuddle with a friend (of the sex you're attracted to) when you're in an exclusive relationship with someone else? ||
* Yes, it’s wrong
* No, it’s not wrong
* Unsure/maybe
||
My relationship is open and I would have been honest with my wife.
|-
| A man is walking down the street and is covered with what appears to be someone's blood. Which would be closest to your response? ||
* Call the authorities.
* Confront him.
* Do nothing other than avoid him.
* Ask him if he needs help.
||
|-
| Would you be willing to date a married couple? ||
* Sure
* Maybe
* No
||
|-
| Suppose a close friend's partner is very attractive and thinks you're attractive, too. If you could enjoy a few hours of sex with them and your friend would never find out about it, would you do it? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Maybe.
||
I would rather be honest with the friend first.
|-
| Overall, do you think men should act more like women, or women should act more like men? ||
* Women need to learn to act like men.
* Men need to learn to act like women.
* No one should change.
* The premise of this question angers me.
||
|-
| How soon would you meet your significant other's parents? ||
* Right Away!
||
It is up to her.
|-
| Do you feel it is necessary to have a significant other at all times in your life? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
||
It would make me feel better, but she would be free in our open relationship.
|-
| Approximately how many hours per week do you dedicate to spiritual activity? ||
* Zero.
* One hour or less.
* One to four hours.
* More than four hours.
||
I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping.
|-
| Do you have rhythm (at least enough to find the beat of a song)? ||
* Yes
* No
* [[Chris and music|I think so, but people tell me otherwise]]
||
|-
| Are you aware of the existence of any nude photos of yourself on the Internet? ||
* [[Nudes|Yes.]]
* No.
||
|-
| How would you describe your emotional diversity? ||
* I get extremely happy but rarely depressed
* I get extremely depressed and I’m rarely happy
* I don’t feel much of either
* I feel both often
||
It takes a lot of that something true, honest, caring and special to turn me around and keep me happy more often.
|-
| Could you date [[Barb|someone who never, ever, threw anything away]]? ||
* Yes, junk is cool
* No
* I don’t know
||
|-
| Would you date someone, knowing that they had a VERY close family member (parent, sibling) who was openly gay? ||
* Yes
* No
* I’m Not Sure
* If they didn’t flaunt it, it would be all right.
||
|-
| Assume you have a homosexual friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you? ||
* Yes.
* No.
* Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
||
That's talking about [[JERKS|Males]] hugging me; I would feel bothered if a male hugged me.
|-
| Have you ever seriously questioned your sexuality and whether it was different from what you first assumed? ||
* Yes, and it changed.
* Yes, but it did not change.
* No.
||
|-
| On average, how many [[McDonald's|fast food]] meals do you eat in a week. ||
* 1 or less.
* 2-4
* 6-9
* 10 or more.
||
|-
| Imagine that you come home to find a partner pouring red wine all over a stranger's naked body and then licking it off. Which, if any of the following, would bother you most? ||
* The spilled wine.
* The cheating.
* The fact that I was not invited to join in.
* Actually, this would not bother me.
||
My relationship would be open, but I would still feel shock form the surprise.
|-
| "I don't lie, I just don't say all that I could!" Is this the same as lying? ||
* No, but it's close.
||
It's holding back the truth
|-
| Do you stand outside the bathroom door and talk to people while theyre taking care of business? ||
* Only if its urgent.
||
Knock First
|-
| Do you think safe sex should be taught in schools? ||
* Yes.
* No.
||
And [[Dating Education|DATING EDUCATION]]!!!!!!!!!!!'
|}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Websites]]

January 2024 social media posts

2026-02-19T16:53:31Z

TheMikado: /* Green flags in people */ added links

This page is an archive of Chris's social media posts during [[January 2024]]. Unless otherwise indicated, the posts are on [[Twitter]] and from the account @CPU_CWCSonichu.

==Custom Transformers==
1 January

{{quotebox|Group dynamic shot of #Cwcville’s main #Autobot team featuring Son-Chu, Silver, Excelina, Prowler, Armoraxe and Bumba-Lumba from #Transformers Legacy Cwcville set! ⚡️💙⚡️

[[File:X - Custom Transformers 1Jan2024.jpg|200px]]}}

==Christmas tree removed==
2 January

{{quotebox|Well, the blue tree is down until next December. That was a very nice holiday. ⚡️💙⚡️

[[File:X - Living room, no tree - 2Jan2024.jpg|200px]]}}

==Nice weekend==
7 January 
9:42 PM

{{quotebox|I had a [[Animate! Raleigh|nice weekend]]. How about you?

<nowiki>*art by Flightless-Fox</nowiki>

[[File:X - "I had a nice weekend." art by Flightless-Fox.jpeg|350px]]}}

==Pokemon GO stats==
8 January

{{quotebox|Level Fortitude! ⚡️💙⚡️

Join the fun of [[Pokémon GO]]! <nowiki>https://pokemongolive.com/refer?code=W7HYQK83Y</nowiki>

[[File:X - Pokemon Go stats - 8Jan2024.jpg|200px]]}}

==Congratulating Geno==
10 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=[[Geno Samuel]]|I think my wife is terribly bloated!

Is she holding in her farts??

Help???

[''posts photos of his pregnant wife and himself'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Congratulations. 😊}}

==Sonic storybook games==
10 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Dredge|What do you think about the Sonic storybook games?}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=el slínkeño|Let’s ask the expert @CPU_CWCSonichu}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I like both of them, even though I have only played a little bit of each, and I have seen footage of the two games on YouTube.}}

==Gif==
10 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=R5Suits (Rodney) 🌰 12 years of talent|Type ur username in the GIF search bar and see what comes u

r5suits. yes that is how I feel

[''posts a gif of ''[[Pokemon]]'' characters Team Rocket'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|[''posts a gif of a CPU computer advertisement'']}}

==CosmicKeyframe's poll==
11 January
[[File:CosmicKeyframe block.png|thumb|200px|CosmicKeyframe on blocking Chris]]
[[CosmicKeyframe]] tweeted a poll asking about which pin design to make. A follower replied asking for Misty, a character from the [[G5]] series of ''My Little Pony''. Chris then entered the conversation to angrily complain about the Misty pick, claiming that G5 doesn't exist. CosmicKeyframe then blocked Chris over his tweet.<ref>https://x.com/CosmicKeyframe/status/1745507599846641833</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=CosmicKeyframe Productions|Question to all: What should be the next MLP pin I put into production?

Im putting the cheesepie pin into production already, but which one of these designs should be next (obviously they wouldnt have this level of shading, theyre pins)

poll below!}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Baja ⭐|I would probably like to see Misty's main mane now since it's revealed :)}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Absolutely Not! Go with [[Derpy|Muffins]]. G5 does not exist, and such products that promote them at all should be shelved completely. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Complaining about Twitter blocks==
13 January

{{quotebox|Well, Key, and everyone else who have blocked me on Twitter, among which, all of you were some of my favourite fellow artists, analysts, humorous, vastly intelligent and insightful individuals, and all of you also heavily spiritually, energetically, and aura resonated with me as those of whom I could relate with.

I could go further into detail, but not on a public Tweet. But at least a number of all you understand.

I mean, in empathy and in role-reversal, if I was receiving heavy traffic due to a comment from you, and due to your various respective followers, you all know what I would have done.

<nowiki>***</nowiki>I would have simply ignored them. I don’t have my notifications on for commentary. And, Key, remember your “YouHate” panel from BronyCon 2019? Well, I learned from that and let the attention be the blessing, regardless of the mixed reception.

And I will add, as a close friend of mine have told me, that I feel all of you in the Brony, Artist and Entertainment communities can understand and appreciate,…

Yeah, no one understands you are innocent and that you released because of innocence. Also understand that many people have dragged your reputation, so people are afraid to get involved with you, because they don't want people following them and doxxing them. And with the current socio-political bullshit happening, any prominent figures in media could get cancelled for it.
It isn't fair, but realize it isn't because of you. Society did this. You're wonderful.

They are right, and all of you, my fellow artists, chroniclers, Bronies, Pegasisters, and so on who are relatively famous, all of you should not let this Minority of the World who are the Toxic and Darkest-Sinning individuals wreck your mental and emotional health, and that goes heavily the same for the Socio-Political details and Society in general.

I appreciate and respect all of you as individuals and fellow creative types.

And I will close with this: Do not block me on Twitter because of my mixed Followers, just Ignore that peanut gallery and let the Cosmos, Universe and us Deities and Deity-Level individuals see Karma and Justice done upon them as shall be and just.

Thank you.
⚡️💙⚡️
Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime.

<center><gallery>
File:Twitter - 13Jan2024 - BlockComplain1.jpg
File:Twitter - 13Jan2024 - BlockComplain2.jpg
</gallery></center>
}}

''The message from a "close friend" is incredibly similar to the description of [[Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021]], it is likely that the description of the video was based on the message. The message has highlighted portions, here is a guide to Chris's highlights from [[June 2021]].<ref>[[June_2021_social_media_posts#Andy_Warhol_Technology_chapter]]</ref>
[[File:June29BookPhoto3.jpg|400px]]
''

==Complaining about Twitter blocks, part 2==
13 January

{{quotebox|And I humbly and deeply apologize for the inconvenience they have wrought upon you all. I am sorry. 😞}}

==Keffals collab==
14 January
{{quotebox|I, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu Prime, will be appearing on [[Keffals]] stream on Tuesday January 16 at about 3:00, eastern standard time.

[''posts a gif with the scrolling text, "COLLAB"'']}}

==Arcee==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Crazy ass moments in Transformers History🏳️‍🌈|Ai Fairouz voiced Arcee again in the Japanese dub of the most recent episode of Earthspark.

She previously voiced her in ROTB's Japanese dub.

[''posts a gif of ''[[Transformers]]'' character Arcee'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I am still really flabbergasted that they made Arcee take a Classic Car alt mode that doesn’t suit her normally.}}

==Botched YouTube link==
15 January

Chris attempted to link to the YouTube video [[Focused, Divine Guidances - 01142024]] but instead linked to his YouTube Creator Studio's URL of the link, which leads to an error page.

{{quotebox|<nowiki>https://studio.youtube.com/video/zgXcB11uRSE/edit</nowiki>}}

==Arcee, part 2==
15 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Arcee|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=ShovelTrigger56|@Realaisduhbezt yo homie, what do you think Arcee should have been? You’re the TF guy, not I}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Modern day pink, long sports car similar in shape to her original alt mode.}}

==Hitler==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=malextt|@CPU_CWCSonichu thoughts on adolf hitler

[''posts a screenshot of a "Chris Chan" YouTube search, which has Adolf Hitler as a "People also search for" topic'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Really disappointed me to the point that I don’t like him.}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Ren Ryghts ⚡️💙⚡️|Christine, he’s trying to fuck with you. Please don’t pay him any mind or your attention. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Of course they were. But that doesn’t mean I can’t offer a valid, simple response.}}

==Death==
15 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Keffals collab|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Laz|Is it wrong to wish d**th on somebody?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Yes, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it is wrong]] to [[Death threats|wish death upon anyone, including yourself.]]}}

==Dimensional Merge==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Timedevil090|@CPU_CWCSonichu are there any updates on the merge ?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|The updates are right in front of and around you; you need to pay attention to the signs and details presented before you in light powered, righteous and good guidance.}}

==Mutuals==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=butt sex|Christine can we be mutuals}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Second time you asked that question; you have your partner, and [[Polyamorous marriage|I’m married to Magi-Chan, Cryzel, Sylvana and Mewtwo]]. So, I ask, what is your definition of “Mutuals”?}}

==Jesus==
15 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Keffals collab|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=🇮🇪🇺🇸 『Padoru Cwittz』ζ⃠|CHRISCHAN PUT JESUS IN HIS NAME?!}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|You didn’t notice that before?}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Kyle Satwon|Hey Chris, I was actually meaning to ask this but: Why did you put Jesus in your name? If you were Jesus, wouldn't you know that you coming back would be a sign of the rapture?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Only to those that are being left behind in the shift where they leave this timeline and end up in an alternate time that does have the apocalyptic outcome. Otherwise, for the majority that are good, light powered, righteous and neutral and neutral bad open for guidance. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Christorians==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=silly lil racc :3|God christorians are fucking unbearable.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Fans are weird.

[''posts a gif of an anime girl knocking other people out of her way'']}}

==Dragon Ball Z==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=kai|Christine have you ever seen [[Dragon Ball|dragon ball z]] and if so do you like it}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Yes, and it’s okay.}}

==Gender identity==
15 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=malextt|christine i have a genuine question - you previously identified as a lesbian, but magi-chan has been indicated to be male presenting; therefore, are you still a lesbian, or have you changed your identification? /genq}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I am a Bisexual Transwoman.}}

==Death, part 2==
16 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Death|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Smug Productions|But Chris, what if I wanted to suicide?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Suicide is wrong, because of that resulting in the premature loss of you before your right time when it was meant to be. Do not let demons, devils, doubt and darkness lure you in to make the error.}}

==Barb==
16 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Death|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Grandoor McGouty|Christine can I ask why you don't mention Barb anymore?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|She is safe, alive and well. I do not talk about her due to the topic not related to the topic(s) that I talk about presently.}}

==Keffals interview==
16 January

{{quotebox|Here’s the Interview.

[''Chris links to Keffals's YouTube upload of [[The Chris Chan Interview]]'']}}

==Love and Peace==
17 January

{{quotebox|Love and Peace! ⚡️💙⚡️

[''posts a gif of a ''Trigun'' character giving a "Love and Peace" quip and pose'']}}

==Unknown blocker==
17 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=ClemGooseman|@CPU_CWCSonichu you're screwed. This is from one of the people who blocked you. You're screwed now.

[''posts a Twitter screenshot from account "Tanya Louise @DragoFireBloom7" reading, "I blocked that scum ages ago. I got enough drama to deal with. I don't got the spoons to deal with that shit. I'm sorry about this I hope your notifications clear up soon <3"'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Who? I do not know that individual. I do not feel that concerns me harshly.}}

==Block ranting==
17 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Ren Ryghts ⚡️💙⚡️|That’s it. I’m calling out @Dimonddogdawg . They are stalking my posts with a fake screenshot someone made of me saying I’m a troll. I know they’re doing this just so Christine will block me again. I’m not dealing with this. Please get a life and leave me AND Christine alone. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Hear, hear. As long as I have tolerated and put up with the downsides of being famous with the Toxic, Darkest Sinning minority of the world stalking me and all. Enough is enough. Mark and heed my words, if you do not cease this unrequited hatred, you will be dealt harsh karma.

Show some compassion and empathy; what if you were the ones being stalked wherever you went extensively, needlessly tormented, and your name ruined in social circles and closest friends and family? What if everyone blocked YOU because of rumors and false witnesses upon you? What Can you do from behind your computer screens and limited spaces and abilities? Nothing, and that would bother you to darkness and back.

I’ve been literally everywhere, every when, every how all at once. Now is the time for this unrequited, needless drama that is long outdated to cease and desist. And I am seeing to that personally and metaphysically.

Nobody else and I will have to suffer that kind of torture anymore, and those who instigated will be given one last chance to follow the Light Power, Good and Righteous Path and redeem themselves. I can only help those who are open-minded and open-hearted for that Divine Plan guidance.

⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Unknown blocker, part 2==
18 January

{{quotebox|A repeat of as the crowds stormed upon me as I carried that cross over two millennia ago. It is not right to curse my or anyone’s name, and it is also wrong to disturb one’s #LoveAndPeace with the needless drama spawned from darkness and demons from any doubt and lack of faith from rumors and misconceptions of I or anyone.

That bunch of #RumorHasIts is to be ceased now. Leave I and everyone else at peace.

As for the cited individual, I did consciously forget her name, but it was clear that their balance was disturbed regardless of the prank comments that I never made at all, and they shall never be made again by anyone. My apologies to them for the stress from the drama.

I, as well, am very tired of the drama from the Toxic, Evil Darkest Sinners and those misguided by those very toxic ones who need to cease and follow that which is Light Powered, Good and Righteous.

Ultimate Miracle 💎🌈 Chaos Control!!!

⚡️💙⚡️

[''posts a screenshot of text reading "I blocked that scum ages ago. I got enough drama to deal with. I don't got the spoons to deal with that shit. I'm sorry about this I hope"'']

[''posts a gif of a cloud'']}}

==In jail?==
18 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Darius|Hi i am looking for cool people to play smash bros or sonic with and do some live streaming. Wondering if you are interested? I can fly to your house if you would like @CPU_CWCSonichu}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Picasso|isn't she in jail?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|No}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I am not in jail.}}

==OfficialCWCmart promos==
19 January

[''Chris links to [[OfficialCWCmart]]'s listings of his ''Sonichu'' comic 0-3 and Commissions'']

==Stream announcement (20 January)==
19 January

{{quotebox|Tomorrow, streamin’ time…

[''posts a gif of the Joker character from ''Super Smash Bros. Ultimate'']}}

==OfficialCWCmart's Mini Sonic Totem==
20 January

[''Chris links to [[OfficialCWCmart]]'s listing of Sonic Totem Minis'']

==Motherfucker==
20 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#OfficialCWCmart promos|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Jolly Goodman, Presents For ALL!|Isn't this the motherfucker (quite literally) who r🦍d his 80 something year old mother who has dementia/alzimers?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|[[List of Chris's lies|No. I was false witnessed and accused of that, but I never did that. I have said that and made that very clear and direct. That was a ploy of Isabella Janke.]]}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Norm DePlume|Yeah, but why did you admit to doing it and brag about it?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|As I stated in [[The Chris Chan Interview|the interview]], that was part of the play-along with [[Bella]].}}

==Trigun quote==
21 January

{{quotebox|Okay, Everyone, pass your tests now with love and peace, or you might get pelted with too hot cookies.

[''posts a gif of a ''Trigun'' character giving a "Love and Peace" quip and pose'']}}

==MLP G5 FAQ==
21 January

{{quotebox|Okay, everyone, I will answer the FAQ as brief and direct as possible with mentions, and This will Absolutely be the ONLY post I make Anywhere online mentioning MLP G5 with images, so pay attention.

I foretold #MLPG5 was not only going to be awful, but I also foreknew it was to be the Trigger of WWIII, as well as a major decline for @Hasbro
. They Still have the chance to redeem themselves on undoing G5 and resuming #MLPG4 (to Season 14, Episode 26) and #EquestriaGirls.

<nowiki>#MLPG5’s</nowiki> premature existence prior to #MLPG4Season14Episode26 on Animated Media on TV and Streaming Services is a major damage to this Timeline. Had G4 and Equestria Girls continued on, and without #PonyLife at all, WWIII would never have happened, and a whole number of other bad thinga, in general. MLPG5, as is, is a disguise over worse things and reckless greed in the Board Rooms and Executives; Epic No Good.

Even the #BronyAnalysts all agree how awful, misguided and maligned G5 was. And with that only emphasized and further proved my point.

My deal with G5 has absolutely nothing to do with the art style or quality; my deal was and is that (This) #MLPG5 just Does Not Exist nor Belong at all in this Timeline and Universe.

And it is better to just not only Ignore it and Boycott #MLPG5, but also Not to have ANY media from any artists or chroniclers, in and outside of @Hasbro online.

Also, the MLP Live Stream Episodes on #MLPOfficial on YouTube, please fix the thumbnail on your recent Equestria Girls live streams; you’ve been using the wrong one on those for days now.

And I still continue to not watch, read nor acknowledge Anything #MLPG5 in positivity until only After My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic, Season 14, Episode 26 is aired on TV and Streaming Services with All of the canon and continuity-level episodes, specials, and even a movie that is not “A New Generation” within all of that preceding it on TV and Streaming Media in Animated Glory with the original cast, staff and Animation Programs used originally, period.

I do not care if you consider this a “TLDR” statement, but it is Divine and Metaphysical Fact, period.

So, Heed My Words. ⚡️💙⚡️💎🌈✝️✡️🔯🕎☯️🕉️☸️🪯☦️⛎⚛️☮️

[''posts a gif from ''My Little Pony'' G5'']}}

==MLP G5 FAQ, part 2==
21 January

{{quotebox|This Affects EVERYONE. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Advice on Barb cosplaying==
21 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Levon|@CPU_CWCSonichu what are your thoughts on people who do cosplays of you?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|That’s cool, but don’t cosplay as Barbara, unless you cosplay her as she was: a valuable financial employee in a business suit and in her 40s. Don’t cosplay as her being old. That’s rude to all elderly individuals in general.}}

==MLP G5 anti-view proof==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 FAQ|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|To personally demonstrate that I have never ever watched, read or even learned anything of #MLPG5, here is a synopsis from my consciousness without accessing anything online or in the Cosmos or Akashic Records:

The white Pegasus, Zip, was it? I peg that one for being a wild one who gets in too much trouble to boot. The orange one, was that one a unicorn at all? She’s essentially a mental blank slate, period. The blue unicorn, does she really like tennis? Fizzy looks to be a [[Slow-in-the-minds|spaz]] with no credibility. Why is there a dude among them? He looks like he gets caught doing something wrong a lot. I really do not know any other names than Pipp amongst them. They follow a new princess with no precipice behind her at all. And the show is just awful as fuck, popularly verified by my fellow Bronies on YouTube, and I base that only on their video titles without watching them at all.

⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Motherfucker, part 2==
22 January

Chris [[lies]] that the [[Barbara Chandler|older girlfriend]] he had described to [[Null]] in [[July 2021]] was [[Fiona]], despite that Chris's claims to Null involve the older girlfriend being over 50, and Fiona having been 19 at the time.

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Motherfucker|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Nyquil Cigarettes.|Then why did you buy [[Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability|a book on how to have sex with disabled people]]? And who was [[Null DMs#Chris vaguely describes his relationship|the older girlfriend you were bragging to Null about]]?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|That girlfriend was [[Fiona]], at least in wishful thinking at the time.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|And for the other question, why wouldn’t I when the world is all mentally disabled in one way or another, even the neurotypicals.}}

==MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 2==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quotebox|And the only #MLPG5 references I had were from a few on Twitter that I have reported, personally.}}

{{quotebox|I do not like seeing them clutter my Timeline, as well as this Universe’s Timeline, in general.}}

==Rejecting Palworld collab idea==
22 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=WarhammerDave|Would love to see a @Palworld_EN X Chris Chan/Sonichu @CPU_CWCSonichu collaboration

Palworld is the perfect place for Sonichu to officially come to a video game}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Definitely NO. Especially with Sonichus and Rosechus being in Pokémon Lightning Bolt, Diva Pink and Battery-Charge Blue versions already. Living…in…the…future. ⚡️💙⚡️}}

==MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 3==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Garbear|This does not help prove you haven’t engaged with MLPG5 😭}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|The title of the first episode of that shit was “Roughing It Up”. I have not engaged with Anything #MLPG5 whatsoever.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Garbear|How do you think explaining things from the show showcases a lack of engagement with it? Listing things about the show does nothing but imply you’ve engaged with it}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Clearly, I gave wrong information about it, because I clearly hardly know anything about it, specifically.}}

==G4 shall return==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 2|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Princess PoPoZo the Husky|Too bad gen 4 won’t be back.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|G4 shall return, and G5 shall be shelved and removed.}}

==ChinPokomon==
22 January

{{quotebox|@Palworld_EN is literally ChinPokomon.

[''posts an image of ChinPokomon and a gif'']}}

==Selective collabs==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 3|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=BraxPlaysGames_YT|Hey, Christine. I have a business opportunity that I think you’d be very interested in. I think it’d be a great way to help you sell more of your comics and other merchandise. We could talk about it more over DM if you’re interested.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I am not just doing any streams with just anyone, especially with those looking to collab just for the clout and fame boost. As mentioned earlier, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” Although we are keeping open minds in regards to who we chooses

[''posts a gif of a phone with text "Don’t call us, we’ll call you"'']}}

==G5 characters==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 3|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Ginnijisan|Brief rundown on the characters zipp and pip the pegsus sisters the only royals, hitch the guy izzy the unicorn and Sunny who isn't even a princess, true it is all over the place and lacks direction. But some people do like it}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I have not read this; I do not want to know until only after MLP-FIM Season 14, Episode 26 is aired and streamed, proper, @Hasbro and @MyLittlePony, with a mention to @EquestriaDaily.}}

==Sonichu plush==
22 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Internet Zynfluencer|Thank you @Spooofzy for the Christmas present! Also thank you @CPU_CWCSonichu for the official Sonichu merch!!!!

[''posts a photo of a Sonichu plush'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|It is not personally official, but it is cute.}}

==Otakon==
22 January

Chris seethes over his [[Animate! Raleigh]] ban.

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Advice on Barb cosplaying|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Levon|Are you going to Otakon? If so can I get a photo with you in my Chris Chan cosplay? I didn’t wanna do it unless it was unoffesy to you}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Sure, I’d go to a convention free as a bird if nobody had intentions of seeking photos with me for online bolstering or worse. Also, it is just plain wrong to false witness someone while they are attending a convention and they have not done anything wrong, period. How would you feel if you were at a convention, and suddenly someone tells lies and rumors to the organizer, and booted you out?

It is not cool to do that to Anyone just for kicks or whatever. Let us be, and let us enjoy whatever convention we attend. Okay, please?}}

==Extra Episodes of MLP G4==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#MLP G5 anti-view proof, part 3|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Zeusdoesstuff|Chris, why can't you just will the extra episodes of MLP g4 into existence? You are a god, aren't you?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|It takes time.}}

==Happy Birthday==
22 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=鉄工小焰|@CPU_CWCSonichu

It's my birthday can I please get a happy birthday would make my day since I've been sick and vomited 35 times}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Happy birthday.🎁}}

==Curse of Dagon==
22 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#OfficialCWCmart_promos|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Ducky|Hello Christine,
I unfortunately have not been followed by your holiness, so I couldn’t reply to any other tweet. I have been cursed by the malevolent spirit Dagon (pictured below) and I need you to help me exorcise him. How do I accomplish this Herculean task?
Graciously,
Duck⚡️
[''Posts an image of Dagon'']
}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Cleanse yourself with Light Power and deviate away from the darkness and demons you have been aware of for too long, and have faith in that your demons will be purged.}}

==Which Episode?==
22 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Twilight's Burger Delivery|This is how it feels when your friend from other timezone asks you to play at 4:38 am

[''Posts a clip of MLP G4'']
}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Which episode was this in?}}

==My Way==
23 January

{{quotebox|The AI made it sound like I have a frog in my throat, and it sounds like as if I had a French accent.

[''Posts a link to ''[[YouTube]]'' video of AI Chris singing My Way'']
}}

==Esty Comment Review 2==
24 January

[''Chris links to ''[[Etsy Comment Review 2]]]

==Past Ideas Reemerging - Part 3==
26 January

{{quotebox|Part 3 is up.

[''Chris links to ''[[Past Ideas Reemerging - Part 3]]]
}}

==Broken Cameras==
26 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#Past_Ideas_Reemerging_-_Part_3|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quotebox|P.S.

I broke your cameras and the cameras on your phones, stalking weens and whatnot. ⚡️💙⚡️
}}

==Palword Plagiarism==
27 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=DramaAlert|Palworld is accused of plagiarizing autistic transgender influencer Chris Chan.
[''posts image of Sparkit from Palworld next to Sonichu'']}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=IDIT|@CPU_CWCSonichu What do you think about this?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|And that is why @NintendoAmerica is going after them, because they are of my species of Pokémon as well.}}

==Emgo and PFALM==
27 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#Broken_Cameras|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=MeowingMeowth!|Honestly your.. what?
in your 50’s?

and you make videos about playing with toys.

you do THIS after getting out of jail,

This must be your paradise since you’re making money off it.

That makes it worse since people only donate on your livestreams to INSULT you.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Why don’t you tell that to [[Emgo]] before you judge yourself once again for that which you are (mis)judging me of. #BeGeekBeProud #PFALM.}}

{{quoteboxred|speaker=Kyle Satwon|Who's Emgo and what does PFALM mean?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Go on YouTube and find him. PFALM is the term I use for “Palm in your face.”
🖐🏻}}

==Chris Grew Up==
27 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#Emgo_and_PFALM|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=MeowingMeowth!|I had a headache reading that.

What the hell is an emgo??

and why do you think I’m judging myself?

Are you that bad at reading the room?

NTM “BE GEEK BE PROUD”???

you never grew up. LMAO}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|I grew up. You haven’t, because you do not get it.}}

==Perception Reflection==
27 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#Chris_Grew_Up|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quotebox|[''Chris posts an image saying "your perception of me is a reflection of you"'']}}

==Introducing Medatron==
28 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Transformers Den|Favorite Combiner? #Transformers

[''posts images of ''[[Transformers]]'' characters'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Introducing Medatron of Cwcville’s Autobots.

[[File:Twitter - Medatron - 28Jan2024.jpg|200px]]}}

==Contest==
29 January

Chris pinned the tweet.

{{quotebox|*Special Callout to ALL Good, Soulful, and Compassionate Artists and Writers*

I am personally hosting a contest looking for the best to help out.

All Inquiries are to be sent to cwcartcontest@gmail.com.

And we have Strict Boundaries.

You will be immediately disqualified if you submit anything [[Sonichu 8|NSFW, sex-heavy]], [[Sonichu 10|filled with gore and blood]], curse words or swearing, satanic, demonic or devilish promotion or icons, and if it contains a lack of heart, care or soul. Trolling, Bullying and Deceptive ones will also be disqualified.

All submissions are inclusive to Art and Written/Typed Stories and Fan-Fictions. Submissions may be up to TV-14 in content rating, but the final products will be around TV-Y7 or TV-PG.

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Rule of Thumb: If it can’t air on #CartoonNetwork, #Nickelodeon or even #DiscoveryFamily, it will not do.

Of course, plagiarism or using artificial intelligence in submissions will not be allowed.

I will personally be screening your art portfolios online when applicable for consistency in content, including on DeviantArt, Twitter, Instagram, etcetera.

And this goes out to Everyone in the #SonicTheHedgehog, #Pokemon, #MyLittlePony (Generation Four and Prior), #[[Transformers]], #MachineRobo/#GoBots, #[[Hyperdimension Neptunia|HyperdimensionNeptunia]], and even #Marvel, #DC, #Disney and other mainline fandoms. Furries, Spiritual-Heavy, and LGBTQIA+ are also invited and encouraged.

Submissions will be due by [[Christian Love Day|February 24, 2024]].

Those selected will get [[OfficialCWCmart|a Sonichu Medallion and a set of the new printed books autographed for free]]. Submissions we like may be posted with consent from the artist and author.

Thank you all for your consideration. I look forward to seeing your works, personally.
⚡️💙⚡️

Art Credit in order: 
GrandBilal21 
SDSilva94 
ManaSan 
<nowiki>#</nowiki>[[ProjectSNT]]

[''posts fanart pieces'']}}

==Duolingo 100-day streak==
29 January

Chris posts an image of his [[Duolingo]] stats:

[[File:Twitter - Duolingo100 - 29Jan2024.jpg|200px]]

==Entering giveaway==
29 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Swerve's Bar Podcast ➡️ TFcon LA 2024|GIVEAWAY!!!

We're over the 500 sub threshold on YouTube! Thank you soo much! We're giving away 1 signed Starscream, 12 issues of Dark Cybertron comics, and Windblade/Combiner war comics!

To enter like, retweet, and comment your fav bot below!

Winners announced Feb 19th, 2024}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Bumblebee

[''posts a gif of ''Transformers'' character Bumblebee'']}}

==Evading question==
30 January

[''Continued from [[January_2024_social_media_posts#Duolingo 100-day streak|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=VarisL|Nice!! What language you taking?}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|[''posts a gif of ''[[Star Trek]]'' character Spock with text, "Wouldn't you like to know..."'']}}

==2001 Transformers==
30 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Sixo|Here it is!

Thoughts on the new Haslab Transformers reveal?

[''posts a gif of a ''Transformers'' action figure'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Fun! And I just started rewatching 2001 RID last night.}}

==Green flags in people==
31 January

{{quotebox|If you can do at least the three highlighted ones on this list, then you are more than cool with me. [[Lies|Authenticity]], [[Honest Content|Honesty]], [[Chris and kindness|Compassion]], [[Chris and religion|Metaphysicality and Spirituality]]. ⚡️💙⚡️

[[File:Twitter - Green Flags - 31Jan2024.jpg|200px]]}}

==Twitter game==
31 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=whatever|You’re a 10 but …

Screenshot:

[''posts a fast-moving gif of various statements'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|[''posts a screenshot from the above gif, reading, "You're too obsessed with [[zodiac]] signs"'']

Very true, and then some with all good and light powered religions and spiritual practices being correct, including psychic and good magic powers. ✝️⚜️

⚡️💙⚡️}}

==Sympathizing with blockee==
31 January

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Brass Scribe @ Not Texas|Am I Horse Famous yet mom? I'm a part of the Retro_Horse blocked club too.

[''posts a screenshot of being blocked by Retro_Horse'']}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|Blocked by anyone is not a good club to be in at all, especially if it is you they have blocked when it was others who have bothered them that they should have blocked instead of you.}}

{{quotebox|And that guy Definitely has bad issues to the point his aura is nearly dark. So, yeah, you’re better off not having him to deal with.}}

==Donatello Sonichu==
31 January

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|The debut of Donatello Sonichu in colour, with his mother and father, of course. (Part of a commission piece)

[[File:Donatello Sonichu.jpg|200px]]}}

{{quoteboxgreen|speaker=Carrie Krueger|@CPU_CWCSonichu Donatello Sonichu implies the existence of Raphael Sonichu, Michelangelo Sonichu, and Leonardo Sonichu.}}

{{quotebox|speaker=Chris|No. There is no Raphael Sonichu, Michelangelo Sonichu nor Leonardo Sonichu. Bubbles and Blake only have one child.}}

==Contest addendum==
31 January

[''Continued from [[January 2024 social media posts#Contest|an earlier tweet chain]]'']

{{quotebox|Aso, I feel need to add to the Contest: In addition to the Sonichu and Rosechu and Sonic fandom artists, we Are looking for artists from the #MyLittlePonyG4 Brony community, as well as the #Transformers artists. Hence why the theme is mainly mainstream and diverse. For the art must suffice very well.

⚡️💙⚡️

[''posts images of ''Transformers'' and ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' comic covers'']}}

{{quotebox|Because, after all, in Cwcville and all around the Earth and Universe, it is more than just the Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon, you know.

[[File:Chris holding Sonichu 0 HD.jpg|200px]]
[[File:Chris holding Sonichu 12-9.jpg|200px]]
[[File:Samurai Pizza Bots TSSSF.jpeg|200px]]}}
{{References}}
{{Social media}}

[[Category:Chris-chan social media posts, 2024| 01]]

Reggie Fils-Aimé

2026-02-10T17:49:11Z

TheMikado: Added two links

{{Troll}}
{{quote|I saw Miyamoto waiting for up to 2 days in the bitter cold for you to show up and you stood him up. I was even there trying to arrange everything for you, even setting up someone to escort you to our building complete with bodyguards and full security because I knew you were concerned about safety. And for what? So you could just NOT show up? I mean, I don't even know what to think, it's just completely unbelievable.|Reggie on Chris}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox Person
|image = Reginald Fils-Aime.jpg
|title = Reggie Fils-Aimé
|name = Reginald Fils-Aimé
|gender = Male
|day = 25
|month = 3
|year = 1961
|aliases = The Regginator
|race = Black
|nationality = [[American]]
|occupation = President of Nintendo of America (2006-2019) Troll
|saga = {{saga|miyamoto|cn}}
}}

'''[[Reginald]] "Reggie" Fils-Aimé''' ({{IPA|[ˈfiːzɛmeɪ]}}) is an American businessman who was the former chief operating officer and the president of [[Nintendo]] of [[United States of America|America]] and colleague of [[Shigeru Miyamoto]]. He is also an opponent of "true love" and possibly a [[virgin with rage|virgin]], according to [[Chris]].

Chris's contact with Reggie formed the second stage of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], beginning after Chris failed to make it to Redmond and no-showed his planned face-to-face meeting with Miyamoto towards the end of [[January 2009]]. Never one to mince words, Reggie gave Chris a tough but fair assessment of his personal life and his potential as a top-flight [[video game]] designer. Chris reacted poorly, accusing Reggie of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] because of his [[autism]], comparing him to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and eventually throwing an unrestrained tantrum after Reggie bluntly told him that their collaboration was over.

Chris [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|threatened]] to take Reggie and Miyamoto to [[Charlottesville]] court before going back on his word and BAWWWWing to them in an [[CWC Update 31 January 2009|apology video]].

Reggie's most recent video game, ''[[Kick the Autistic]]'' for the [[Nintendo Switch]], will be given a remaster for the Switch 2. [[Jimmy Hill]], meanwhile, currently owns the European and Japanese gaming rights to Sonichu.

==Fils-Aimé Saga==
[[Image:ReggieAndChris.jpg|thumb|left|Separated at birth?]]
On 26 [[January 2009]], Chris released a [[CWC Update 26 January 2009|video]] wherein he claimed that he had been to [[Redmond]] to visit Shigeru Miyamoto and begin working on a [[The Sonichu Chronicles|Sonichu video game project]]. This, of course, was a [[lie]]. As a result of Chris's failure to make his appointment with Miyamoto, Reggie began communicating with Chris two days later, and their conversation continued through the first week or so of February.
{{clear}}

{{quoteboxred|'''Hi, it's me Reggie. President of Nintendo of America''' from '''Reggie Fils-Aimé''' to '''Chris''' on 28 January 2009 1:16 AM
----

But right now, I'm just strictly Reggie. I'm not going to even bother sending this through my Nintendo email address. Because you know what? This isn't business. This is strictly personal. I have something to say to you, and you need to listen. This has nothing to do with Nintendo right now, this is just me and you. Mano e mano. Man to man. I don't normally do this, but hell, I just need to get this off my chest.

If you don't know who I am, then allow me to introduce myself. My name is Reggie Fils-Aime. I've been kicking ass and taking names ever since the E3 expo at [[2004]] where I made my debut, where from then on I eventually earned my position as president of this company.

I'm known to be a loud mouth. I don't take crap from anyone. So if you are easily offended, I suggest you stop reading. But don't worry, I'll try to go easy on you, key word being "try" here.

But with that out of the way, I just want to say something to you personally.

May I kindly ask, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you for real or what? I was there for everything. I saw Miyamoto waiting for up to 2 days in the bitter cold for you to show up and you stood him up. I was even there trying to arrange everything for you, even setting up someone to escort you to our building complete with bodyguards and full security because I knew you were concerned about safety. And for what? So you could just NOT show up? I mean, I don't even know what to think, it's just completely unbelievable.

I'm sorry but it just is. I heard what you said to Mr Miyamoto too, your reasons for not coming. And I just have to say. How old are you? You're 27, if I'm not mistaken right?

27! I mean, think about it, you are almost 30! What is a man of your age still doing being coddled by his parents? Let me tell you, when I was about your age, I was already married and had children!

Your autism isn't an excuse either. I've raised a son with autism who is far worse functioning than you are and he can easily make his own decisions. The only thing I see here is a person who is not only lazy and makes excuses, but cannot even take charge of his own life.

That right there is what made it pretty clear that there is no chance in hell you're going to get anywhere with this project. Nevermind the fact that your parents didn't want you to go (or that you still have to get your parents permission at your age).

Think about what happened if you did go, and you had to ask mommy and daddy for an OK on everything? Imagine what a complete disaster that would be. I mean, listen. Simply put, you are not fit to do business with us as you are not even in a position where you can make your own decisions, which is vital to survive in the workplace, and even life in general.

I mean, seriously, who the hell were we talking to? I don't know about you. But this deal was about Nintendo and you. This was not the deal between Nintendo and the parents of Christian Weston Chandler.

I'm sorry, but provided that this whole thing you pulled on us wasn't an elaborate prank, this project was doomed from the start. It's just completely ridiculous. It is impossible for anyone to do business with someone who still has to rely on their parents to make their decisions.

Right now, I don't see how anything good could come from any of this. The only way I could even see this going anywhere is if you were to somehow learn to become independent, like a person of your age should be, and try to do something so that you don't rely on your parents to decide things for you.

But I don't see that happening ever in the near future (nor is it really my job to even have to tell you this). And because of that, I don't see how you'll ever be able to do business with us.

And you know what? I'll just leave it at that. Also, forget recieving a letter from us (and for what? So your parents can read it out loud to you? For Christ sake). This whole thing is through.

Our company will gladly deal with people who are up to the task. But we cannot waste valuable time and money on children who have no means of actually doing their part (their part, as in not their parents but "their part") to cooeprate with us.

Sorry for the rant, but you've wasted so much of our time, money and effort that I had to personally do what I'm known for, and that is kicking ass and taking names.

I always tell it like it is, and I'll be damned if I ever change that. So consider this as the final notice, this whole thing is through. It was through as soon as you made it clear that you are not mature enough to do business with us.

Other than that, I have nothing more to add. Please feel free to complain about me not being professional, I get that all the time. But nobody ever doubts my ability to tell people the things they need to hear. And what I just told you is nothing but that.

Sincerely,

The man who has been kicking ass and taking names since [[2004]].

Reggie Fils-Aime
 President
 Nintendo of America}}

{{quotebox|Well, it is good to make your acquaintance, Reggie. I have viewed your [[Wikipedia:Wii Music|WiiMusic]] Tip Video on my Wii recently, and your introduction basically expanded my knowledge of you personally. Allow me to offer my congratulations on you becoming President of N.O.A.; last I heard, from snail-mail exchange, y'all had a woman for a president (I can't recall her name at the moment), so for my knowledge now. :)

In response to your message, let me say that I deserved that; it was as shocking as Mr. Resetti in [[Animal Crossing]], but in the sense of personally expressing yourself, I mean the comparison as genuinely a positive compliment.

I feel Truly, Deepest Sorry for missing the appointment; I have made the mistake of not being clear in the fact of my being unable to make the trip, and trying to compensate with sending myself via snail-mail (in a sense). As much as it was due to the lack of support from my family, I Could Not afford the Travel Fare to [[Redmond]] in the first place. I am considered compusive with handling money, and since the first notice of the business between me and Mr. Miyamoto came up Mid-January, I felt like I was "[[Bob walks in|caught with my pants down]]". I had spent my last amount of money from [[Monthly tugboat|my Social]] that I get every month to pay rent to my family, make payments on my Credit Card Bills, and even after that, I would have had only a hundred or so left over, and I had already compulsively spent that on the day I got the money on a couple of games. I feel at fault for not controling my compulsiveness enough to save a hundred at a time months before.

Then there is the mixture of Ligitimate business e-mail, from you all for example, and e-mails from [[Internet]] [[Trolls]]/Bullies/[[Impostor]]s, and among the chaos and confusion, I felt out of sorts, even the moments when I felt calmed down after a time from the stress. And my mother and father felt at unease amongst that confusion as well. Even when I put it up to my friends at my church; the same thing; they thought I was talking to an impostor, posing as Mr. Miyamoto. But after I received the automated e-mail from donotreply@noa.nintendo.com verifying Mr. Miyamoto's e-mail address as legitimate, I felt MOST Confident that I was dealing with the real Miyamoto. And yet, even after presenting the printout of that e-mail, everyone was still in doubt.

I have made great effort to seek local aid to fund me for the trip to Redmond, but unfortunately, I failed. It was heavily advised that I have the business between me and Miyamoto hand-written on Paper sent to me to present to my Attorney. Also, considering the rumors were Flying Heavily among the Internet Troll Population, if I had made the trip, I felt I might have been heavily physically harmed by those [[Death threats|vicious people]].

I will not disagree with the accusations of my emotions. Even though my family are of Great Business Expierences (let me also mention that my father, Mr. [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]], while working at G.E. ([[Wikipedia:General Electric|General Electric]]) has designed the Controls for the Plastic Molding Machines, so without him, we would not have anything Plastic as simple as a Funnel, or even the casing for the NES), I feel that I personally lack heavy business expierences that I would require. Due to my mental block, I feel that I would require someone to speak for me in the beginning of a Heavy amount of Business. They also gave me a small amount of the words that were typed to Mr. Miyamoto, especially the requests for the advance in travel fare so I could have made the trip. While [[Chris and money|I personally understand the economical situations]] prohibiting the advance, my family, as well as the Majority of my Church's Congregation, disagree. With that one bit of green absent from being advanced, it set the Ground for the locally popular disbelief in my talking to Mr. Miyamoto.

If I did have the money advanced to me for the trip, my [[Mother|escort]] and I would have Most Definitely made the flight.

Believe me, I have been feeling the worst stress from my being unable to afford the trip, my attempt to compensate with the CD-R and DVD-R failing badly, having to cover-up in online discussions for my family and local friends' HUGE concern for my safety and health, and worst of all the shame I feel from all the stress.

I sincerely meant no harm, hostile behavior, or anything major like that from the words I have spoken, written and typed so far in this business transaction.

I Truly Want to Continue with the Sonichu Projects, because I require a brighter future to set me in good standings with my future wife and my future daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (God promised her to me in a multiple of [[Dreams]]). So, I respectfully ask you to NOT Cancel it. With the Paper Documents Snail-Mailed to me, my efforts to save money for the trip, convincing my family, friends and attorney, getting my act well-prepared and well-together, and my Female [[Sweetheart]] by my side (she's [[PandaHalo|on her way to me from Australia]]), I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], will Truly Feel that I can Tackle the Project Head-On.

I appreciate your time and paitence, Reggie. And I have offered my deepest apologies to Mr. Miyamoto, as well as the Powerpoint Project and my [[CADD]] Plans for the [[Cwcville Shopping Center]] in two e-mails just recently.

Peace and Best Wishes, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
[[14 Branchland Ct.]] 
[[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545 
(434)-990-0198 
Wii Number: 8626-5211-8387-4771 (Wii-Speak Capable) 
[[PSN]] ID: Sonichu ([[PSEye]] Capable)}}

{{quoteboxred|Listen, kid. I apologize for yelling at you, but if you know me, I am a guy who doesn't pull his punches. Let me tell you. They call me the most feared man in the game's industry, the "man who kicks ass and takes names." That Mr. Resetti comparison was kind of accurate actually. I guess I do deserve that title.

But I just have to be honest with you. I don't think you're ready for any of this. You seem to have a lot of issues in your life that you need to take care of before you can do business with anyone. I think right now Nintendo is the LEAST of your worries.

I mean, compulsive spending, severe paranoia, friends and family who do not trust you, you having to get their permission to do anything despite almost being 30, relying on social security and taxpayer money to survive, and the list goes on and on.

I'm sure if you had a job, didn't live with your parents, and were a self made man like a person of your age ought to be, you'd have no problem making it here.

But from what you're telling me, you've got a lot of issues and things to take care of in your life before you could ever reach such a state, and I wonder right now if I'm asking for the impossible right now.

Until then, I don't see how this could go anywhere. We've wasted so much time and money on this project only to find out that the man we're dealing with still is being coddled by his parents and doesn't even have a job or money of his own (taxpayer social security money issued to you for food/clothing doesn't count, which you shouldn't be spending on games anyway) or anything of that sort to even come through with this.

That is why I'm so frustrated with any of this. It's just so ridiculous. I've never seen anything like it. I thought we were dealing with a grown man, a self made man who could make his own decisions and come through with this. But what you've shown us is anything but that.

Sort out your own life first. Don't worry about Nintendo. Maybe once you finally grow up to be independent, sort out all the things preventing you from coming, and maybe even be able to make your own decisions and in life, then maybe at that point we'll be able to do business with each other.

But until then, I doubt we'll see anything come out of this. And even if it does work out at the moment, I can't imagine you being anything other than a huge liability for us. Being an independent person who can make his or her own decisions is paramount to survive in the business world, especially in the games industry. We don't have time to babysit you. While it may seem like all fun and games, this is a business for adults, not people who still depend on their parents to survive.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|I understand what you're telling me, Reggie.

But with statements like, " this is a business for adults, not people who still depend on their parents to survive," it makes me feel like I am being [[Kick the Autistic|discriminated against]]. I'm not one to judge, and I am capable of making my own [[The MovingFoward videos|sound decisions]] [[Attraction sign|in life]] [[Recycling|when it comes]] [[List of places that have banned Chris|down to it]]. My mind kinda rolled along with the moment, but the point is the discriminating statement pretty much.

Peace, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|Yeah, but you have to understand. I don't understand how you're going to do anything, when you don't even have your own life sorted out.

You're not being discriminated against. I'm just saying that you're clearly not cut out for this. How can you expect to lead a project when you cannot even lead your own life?

You have problems with your family, you depend on social security (which you use for games instead of your own needs), you seem to be completely paranoid and above all else, I don't see you making a single sound decision on your own. It seems to be that you're still being raised by your parents. We were under the impression that we were making a deal with an accomplished comic book artist, but instead you show us that you're inconsiderate, you lack any sort of independence or maturity, and above all else, you seem like the kind of person that would be a liability for our company.

To me, it doesn't seem like you need a video game. It seems like you need to sort out your own life before you try to get involved with something like this, which to me, you don't seem to be cut out for at all.

Mr. Miyamoto has requested that I let him talk to you and that I try to hold back and be a bit more polite, but even he admits that it is very hard considering all you've made us go through recently.

I have very little hope for this project at this point and I don't see what the hell is the point of doing any of this anymore. This is a bridge to nowhere. I'm going to either have to decide to step in and stop it myself, or either that just sit back and watch it fail anyway since I don't see how this has any chance of becoming anything.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|'''Re: Hi, it's me Reggie. President of Nintendo of America'''
----

I see your point, Reggie, but YOU DID NOT HAVE TO CANCEL THE PROJECT INDEFINITELY! I mean, after I get things settled on my end, and when I have the [[monthly tugboat|funds]] to make the trip to Redmond, it would feel much beneficial to me to know that the Window is still OPEN for me. What I'm hearing here is that you've CLOSED the Window and sealed it with Concrete!

[[Chris and negotiation|I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT!]]

I apologize for coming off strong, but the objectionable feeling is True to me at the moment, and I would appreciate it if you would Re-Open the Window for me, and UNSEAL the Window, so I can still have the opportunity open for me. I will need a financial setting with a good job for when I have my family and individuality set, and I personally feel it BEST if I still had the opportunity to Work with Nintendo and [[Sega]] to bring my Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] to life in the Video Game World.

Please let me know that this Same Window of Opportunity will remain open for me. And if it helps better my case, I recently won a 400 dollar [[Gamestop]] Gift Card from the [[Guitar Hero Be A Star Sweepstakes]] and received it in the FedEx; I spent 3/4 of the card on my Church's Congregation, and those who requested a game from the card; the Majority of them asked for Wii Titles; Two asked for WiiMusic, and one of those two also got a copy of Animal Crossing City Folk With the WiiSpeak. And I ended using the rest for myself on Super Mario Galaxy, WiiMusic, LoZ: Twilight Princess, [[Sonic]] Riders: Zero Gravity, ALL FOR NINTENDO Wii, and a WiiSpeak. And I still have a [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|HEAVY Positive and Loyal Sonichu and Rosechu Fanbase;]] You All at Nintendo will STILL be able to Gain More Money off of my Sonichu and Rosechu, especially when in the near future I will be most capable of flying to Redmond, meet with you and Mr. Miyamoto, and get this "Mario Party" Started.

Please reply with your contact information, including phone number, so I can contact you in the near future, when I TRULY WILL be ready. My Mind is SET on this, and I feel I can be Ready as early as the end of [[2009]]. You have my word as an Avid Gamer, [[Chris and Religion#Delusions of Godhood?|Lamb of God]], and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save.

Peace, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|'''RE: Hi, it's me Reggie. President of Nintendo of America'''
----

We're not interested in your project. I've seen [[Sonichu Powerpoint|the powerpoint]]. Apart from the fact that you are unable to manage for yourself, the powerpoint really was the final straw. It was filled with gratuitous and shameless drawings with every other frame showing some form of partial nudity or characters making out with each other.

I cannot even fathom how you managed to think that would be a good idea.

Not only that, you keep mentioning [[Sony]], which you should know is the bitter rival of Nintendo and our mortal enemy. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but in every presentation I have given, whenever I mention kicking some behind, it's always directed to Sony. If you knew anything about our company, that would have been completely obvious.

But those are all moot points compared to the fact that you have demonstrated that you are not cut out for this kind of work and that your actions and mode of behavior would be a total liability for our company.

This decision is final. We are not going to do business with you and that is all. Sort out your own life. We cannot help you.

This is it. Do not email me or beg me for anything else. This is final. I cannot stress that enough. And if you do email me again, I will just repeat myself over and over. This whole thing is over. Goodbye.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|'''Please DO NOT Pigeonhole Me or Sonichu'''
----

The LAST thing I need to feel is feeling like I've been Left within a tiny piece of shelfspace to collect dust and be forgotten.

Peace, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|'''RE: Please DO NOT Pigeonhole Me or Sonichu'''
----

Actually I think it's for the better. Maybe you can learn something out of this whole exchange.

But other than that, there is nothing more I can say or do for you. I'd appreciate it if you stopped emailing me now and maybe instead took some time to reflect on how this went wrong on your part. But this whole thing is finalized and done, and I cannot help you nor do I have the time to keep sending you emails when we have no official business with each other.}}

{{quotebox|'''One last thing'''
----

I still would deeply appreciate a document of the past business words, aggrements and all that from between me, Mr. [[Miyamoto]] and you, Reggie, snail-mailed to my home address I've previously provided to you, for my personal records and future references, Please.

Peace, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|'''RE: One last thing'''
----

It's not going to happen, pal. This is final. Don't take this personally.}}

{{quotebox|'''"Reply to your Reply"'''
----

Let me just say a few more things, and then I'll stop e-mailing you for a long while. There was Positively NO NUDITY at all in the Powerpoint Presentation. And What the heck is WRONG with True [[Love]] and Kissing? [[Christian Weston Chandler|Are you a Virgin yourself? Have you had a BUNCH of Bad Dates? Or are you soo Closed-Minded and Rednecked?]] I gave you respect after seeing you in that video on my Wii, yet you tell me that True Love is WRONG? You are just as bad or WORSE than the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Real-Life Mary Lee Walsh]], or as she is known as in the [[Comic]]s now, Slaweel Ryam.

I pity you if you've had your share of Bad Luck in True Love, yet at this point, you have just Lost My Respect.

True Love is a Truly Sacred Bond between WOMAN and MAN, and when they are together, they get attracted to each other very much to Kiss and later Make Love. [[Chris and Religion|GOD and JESUS WANTS US ALL TO EXPERIENCE and SHARE True, Straight LOVE!]] THERE IS NOTHING OBJECTIONABLE FROM THAT! I am a man who stand for [[China|True Love and Honesty]], in comics AND in Real Life, although I am still a Frustrated [[Virgin with Rage|Virgin with Autisim]] on the side. [[Chris and his Ego|AT LEAST I AM MAKING A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE IN KEEPING TRUE LOVE BETWEEN ONLY WOMAN AND MAN IN MY ACTIONS.]] On a Side-Note, I DESPISE ALL [[homos|HOMOSEXUAL MALES,]] PERIOD!

ALSO, I BET YOU PROBABLY [[Tobacky|SMOKE]] AND [[Chris and Hypocrisy|DRINK]], don't you? I SPEAK AGAINST THOSE AS WELL SINCE THEY ARE TOOLS TO SPEED YOU TO [[Chris and Death|DEATH]] WITH [[Chris and Health|CANCER,]] LIVER PROBLEMS, BAR FIGHTS AND [[6 June 2010|AUTOMOBILE]] [[28 October 2011| ACCIDENTS]]. GIVE UP THE HABITS! THEY ARE BEYOND [[rule 34|GROSS]] AND [[nudes|DISGUSTING!]]

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

Forgive me for raising my voice very loudly, but to ENCOURAGE the True, Straight Love that you obviously OBJECT, I felt it was Required and Necessary. [[Random Access Humour|I can be a "Resetti" too, Mr. Resetti.]]

Peace-Out, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|There wasn't. I never said there was. You assume too much and are way too paranoid about things, this is why I don't want to deal with you. Imagine if you were to flip out on someone while in the workplace like this? It'd be a complete PR disaster.

But I never said nudity or implied anything about your characters sexual preferences.

What I was referring to what the panty shot of Rosechu in one of the first frames. Then you show two characters in bed making love to each other.

Just what the hell kind of game did you want Nintendo to make?

Nintendo has always been in the business of making games for the whole family. That includes children. That is why you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, and you've shown that you're unable to do so.

Your mind seems too wired on other things. Your head seems to be in the clouds and you don't even know the first thing about being appropriate or tasteful. Did you think this game proposal would even be able to pass through the [[Wikipedia:Entertainment Software Rating Board|ESRB]]?

You know nothing about how the industry works. About things such as company reputation, age appropriate content or content that won't get shot down by the ESRB (look at the whole "[[Wikipedia:Hot Coffee minigame controversy|Hot Coffee]]" GTA scandal for example). You just think you can do whatever you want and hope it flies.

Also from what I recall, you sent drawn pornography drawn in colored pencil/marker to Mr. Miyamoto TWICE. Imagine if you did this to someone in a business situation. Do you want me to hire you when you are such a loose cannon?

It's not possible. I can't risk having such a huge liability. And in fact, your behavior is the reason I've decided to remove you indefinitely from Nintendo, and I hope that someday you get your act together (which I don't see happening any time soon).

But until then, this project is over and gone for good. If anything was the last straw, it was this email. I don't have time to fight with you, you are completely unstable, irresponsible and the kind of person who would probably flip out or even hurt someone if he were to put in the workplace.

I'm glad you made that video and cleared everything up. But now, just leave me alone. I'm not going to even bother replying back after this, or if you keep this up.

Also, by the way. You didn't spell your name right at the end of the power point. You wrote it as "ChriSTAIN." That would be grounds for any potential employer to not hire someone. In addition to the behavior you've just displayed and the type of proposal you tried to make, the last thing we need is someone who can't even spell his own name.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|Well, the game would not Constantly revolve around the Background Romance; it's called a "Happy Ending".

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|It's not something you show in a business proposal. There is a time and place for everything. But I don't understand why I have to tell this to you.

Either way, it's all over now and I don't want to deal with you anymore. I hope that someday someone takes you to seek consoling or behavioral therapy, and that you someday are able to manage on your own, because I don't have time to listen or try to help you as that is not my job.

Please leave me alone and I hope for the best.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quoteboxred|No means No, Chris.

Yeah, I saw your latest video there. I still don't think you get it.

The project cancellation was already signed into effect. There is nothing that can be done now. It is over.

You have no excuses. Your autism is not an excuse.

In fact, I cannot believe you for saying that. You continue to use your autism as a crutch and then continue to blame everything on it.

STOP!

Let me tell you right now, there is a difference between autism and pure irresponsibility/laziness. You are the latter, my friend, not the former.

Didn't I tell you that I once raised a son with autism? He had it much worse than you did. But guess what? He has a job, he is going to [[college]], and he sure as hell doesn't live in my house. He is able to manage for himself and I NEVER have to make any of his decisions for him.

What is the difference between you and him? I'll tell you, my son isn't lazy. He doesn't expect everyone just to give him everything. He knows that if he wants something, he has to work for it. And when he messes up, he doesn't blame his autism or people on the internet or anything else, he is able to know when he messed up and he takes responsibility for his own actions. And as a result he is a much better person for it.

You even try to blame me for "discriminating." That's complete malarkey. I've employed several people with autism, and even worse disabilities than you have.

But the thing is, those people are hard working and responsible. They want to work hard and they don't expect me to hold their hand and give them everything. And for one thing, they sure as hell don't still live with their parents at the age of 27.

You have demonstrated that you cannot get your act together and that you always want to put the blame on something else, whether it's autism, or even other people.

Pardon my [[Wikipedia:French language|french]], but that's bullshit. And whether you like it or not, that shit will never fly with me. That is why I am not going to have any part in your project and you're not going to be hired by us.

There is no excuse for your actions. You can give whatever excuse you want, but in the end it all comes down to you. Either learn how to take blame for yourself for when you mess up or don't even bother.

But either way, I want nothing to do with you because you've done so much to make me angry that I don't even know why I am still talking to you anymore. Just put a lid on it and go away.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|You can blame my constant NON-Acceptance of Cancelation to my [[Slow-in-the-mind|Red-Necked Personality Trait]] I picked up from my [[mother]].

I will NEVER accept a Cancel on the Project; it's Pigeonhole until I can make it or Continuation ONLY.

And, for the last time, I AM NOT LAZY!

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|Accept it, because it already happened and now you're just wasting my time.}}

{{quoteboxred|Also stop blaming other people (or anything else) for your things that are your own fault. Taking responsibility for your actions is the first step to becoming a mature, more independant ''[sic]'' person who can manage for himself. You are acting like a spoiled little child right now.

And yes, not wanting to admit that you did anything wrong or always putting the blame on someone else so you don't have to take responsibility for it is indeed a sign of laziness and immaturity.

But why am I telling you this? It's useless. I can't seem to get through to you. You never even listen. Whatever I say goes from one ear out the other as you try to make up yet another excuse, over and over again.

There is no excuse you can make now though. The project was canceled and has been canceled indefinitely for a while now.

I am not going to even bother replying after this. Make up whatever excuse you want, resort to your same BS and blame everyone else but yourself, I don't care anymore.}}

{{quotebox|Well, I WILL continue to Haunt, Pester and Bother you until the project becomes Uncancelled and Shelved for until I AM ABLE to make the trip. I will Haunt Your [[Dreams]], with [[God]] by my side helping me to do that.

And if you do not like it, well I Triple-[[Patti Chandler|Dog]] Dare you AND Mr. Miyamoto to come to my house in [[Virginia]] Yourselves, talk to me and my family, and settle the matter like it should have been, have I been able to AFFORD to make the trip in the first place. Or, you all can very well bring me, my family and friends to [[Charlottesville|Charlotesville]], Virginia Court to settle this under a court of law. I have a SLEW of friends and family who will help me in court, and even define my own personal character as a humble human being.

Peace, 
Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{quoteboxred|Dare us? That doesn't make any sense. Why should we come to your house? For one, we have no business with you now, and even if we did, you'd still have to make an appointment and come to our office.

But it's too late for that. We've already found someone who knows how to take responsibility for himself and conduct himself in an appropriate matter, and we're giving the project over to him.

He calls himself [[Clyde Cash]]. He's a real stand up guy. Unlike you, he took the initiative to not only to schedule an appointment with us and arrive on time (exactly on time, right at the very second), but also showed us the utmost respect and humility. Not once did he ever lash out at us, or harass us like you have done so far.

Not only that, he showed us that he can take care of himself, he has the leadership qualities we look for in an employee of this company.

He is a self made man with a honest hard working job, two degrees in things actually relevant to our business (one in game design, the other in fine arts, both from prestigious universities, and apparently he has degrees in many other things, he's a real a jack of all trades) and he even plans on getting married and having a child soon (he showed me a picture of him standing together with his future wife, [[Sarah]]. They make a good couple).

I don't understand why you couldn't be more like this guy? I mean, he came here on time, he didn't even have to beg us for money (and he even refused our offer to reimburse him), he is independent and lives on his own (you'll never see him ask his "mommy and daddy" for anything) and above all else, he's just all around a great guy who knows how to get things done and kick ass and take names.

I mean, couldn't you at least be half the guy this guy is? Is that too much to ask? But it doesn't matter now, we've finally found the guy we're looking for and you're not needed anymore.

Anyway, I look forward to working with our new business partner (and now, employee, as I have promoted him to a senior game designer position) and I can't wait start working with him on this project.

Be on the lookout for it, because this is going to be good, very good, even better than anything you offered us, and honestly better than anything we've ever seen. This Cylde Cash guy, he's brilliant. I'm thinking he could easily become the next Miyamoto, or even better. But yeah, this is going to be good.

Even though you'll have no part in this, I'm sure you'll still be able to enjoy it once it comes out because something this good, I mean, it would be downright stupid to want to miss something like this. It's going to be amazing.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime}}

{{quotebox|Clyde is NOT stealing my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], is he?}}

{{quoteboxred|Sorry that's classified information.}}

{{quoteboxred|Dear Chris,

We sent a letter to you. I'm sure you heard from a man named Mike Chandler by now. It's true, Mr. Miyamoto no longer has an appointment scheduled with you, nor will we acknowledge any longer that he had any correspondence with you anymore. The project is dead and buried and all [[Nintendo]] employees have been told to never acknowledge that the project ever existed. 
I already told you before that the project was canceled due to your inaction. We will not accept any more unsolicited game suggestions or business requests from you. As we mentioned, Mr. Miyamoto does make occasional business trips to the U.S. (and your previous appointment, which has expired and been erased from memory, was one of those trips), but for now he is back in Japan where he usually spends the majority of his time.

Now that you have received the letter, consider the cancellation official. It was nice doing business with you, but we will not make any games or take any ideas you have into consideration nor will we make Sonichu the game or anything related to it.

Sincerely, 
Reggie Fils-Aime 
President 
Nintendo of America, Inc.}}

{{quotebox|And it is Official that YOU, Sir ARE an IMPOSTOR. You blatently croped and copied a piece of the letterhead from the letter I've uploaded onto my server, and you have obviously forged that signature.

I am Ceasing my contact with you at Your current E-mail address, as well as "Mr. Miyamoto"'s E-mail address, because You BOTH were IMPOSTOROUS [[trolls|TROLLS]]. So you can QUIT your Cherade, you bastards.

Christian C.}}

==Present day==
On 21 [[February 2019]], Reggie Fils-Aimé officially announced his resignation as President and Chief Operating Officer of the company, with the departure taking effect on 15 [[April 2019]]. Following his retirement, he transitioned into becoming a Leader in Residence at Cornell University and was later appointed to the boards of directors for several major companies, including [[GameStop]]. Chris did not publicly comment on Reggie’s departure at the time due to him having to [[April_2019_social_media_posts#Chris_Loses_His_Wallet|drive to Newport News again to pick up his lost wallet]], and his current views on Reggie remain unknown.

==See also==

* [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 30th, 2009]]
* [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 31st, 2009]]
* [[The Sonichu Chronicles]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Reggie Fils-Aime|Wikipedia article on Reggie Fils-Aimé]]

{{MiyamotoSaga}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Fils-Aimé, Reggie}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category: Miyamoto Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from New York]]

Carpetbaggers

2026-02-02T05:24:33Z

TheMikado: added new image

'''Carpetbaggers''' are people who exploit Chris's own infamy for personal gain, typically for money. [[Trolls]] of years past sometimes acted this out in order to rile up Chris, such as [[Liquid Chris]], [[Jimmy Hill]], and [[Jeff Ouzuo]], though this was all part of their act, and no attempts at making a business out of it actually occurred. Several Chris orbiters in the late [[2010]]s and [[2020]]s have actually done so for business purposes. In a few cases, carpetbaggers have sought out Chris to collaborate with him.

[[Image:Chris the carpetbagger (1).png|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CARPETBAGGERS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]

==Types of Carpetbaggers==

===Financial Exploiters===
'''Financial Exploiters''' are people who profit off of Chris monetarily.

===Clout Chasers===
'''Clout Chasers''' are people who exploit Chris's infamy for personal gain, usually by creating, propagating, or being actively involved in drama, in order to receive attention to promote their platform. In many cases, this involves creating rumors or actively involving themselves in Chris's life when being associated with him causes an outrage.

==Examples==
===Financial Exploiters===
====Dillin Thomas====
[[Dillin Thomas]] is a YouTuber who formerly covered Chris. On 2 [[February 2020]], he began selling a "Sonichu and Rosechu Valentines Day" shirt on Teespring, featuring art his girlfriend Taylor had drawn of Sonichu and Rosechu.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210802031401/https://twitter.com/MerloTart/status/1422032803424727046</ref> When Dillin promoted the shirt on Twitter, Chris replied, expressing interest in one of them.<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#Sonichu and Rosechu shirt]]</ref>

In the wake of the [[Affair with Mother]], Chris was arrested at [[Regency Inn Richmond]] while wearing the shirt. Dillin decided to further capitalize on this by relisting the shirt on Redbubble with the title "Chris Chan Arrest Shirt".<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210802031723/https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/Chris-Chan-Arrest-Shirt-by-DillinThomasDHT/84254092.WFLAH</ref>

====Geno Samuel====
[[File:Geno Samuel - YT - Chris copyright removal request.jpg|thumb|200px|YouTube takes down Geno's ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'' after Chris filed a copyright claim over its use of his ''[[Sonichu 0]]'' art.]]
In [[2018]], [[Geno Samuel]] began producing ''[[Chris Chan: A Comprehensive History]]'', a video series on YouTube. When Geno submitted his YouTube channel for monetization review, YouTube instead terminated his account over the clips of bullying within the series.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/bpe1lz/comment/enu9fug/ ([https://archive.fo/MBe3t archive])</ref> Geno set up another channel to continue the series.

Although Geno claimed in [[2023]], while advertising other video projects, that he would be preparing for a "post-CWC timeline,"<ref>https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_3pplzbKMZsP5zBH_6SVJQ/community?lb=Ugkx1NS-4BZN8YLim5ATFO2M6WDj1qzPHZ5P ([https://archive.fo/hBQKJ archive])</ref> he instead doubled down. Later that year, Geno began selling items based on Chris's infamy without his approval. These include knockoff ''Sonichu'' [[medallions]] and a shirt with "WANT WOMAN!" printed on it (a reference to Chris's infamous outfit at [[Fridays After Five]]). Geno did not compensate Chris over using his ''Sonichu'' character.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/18i2bgw/chris_responds_to_a_customer_buying_genos/kodn5gj/ ([https://archive.fo/fhEOZ archive])</ref>

In response to seeing the items, Chris posted a tweet criticizing the medallions,<ref>[[December 2023 social media posts#Criticizing Geno's medallion product]]</ref> and he also posted a YouTube comment requesting Geno cease selling the shirt.<ref>[[List of Chris's comments on YouTube#Geno selling Want Woman shirt]]</ref>

In [[April 2025]], Geno began uploading his version of a ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'' onto YouTube, which used artwork taken from Chris's comics, and was monetized through Geno's Patreon.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/@genosamuel2.1/community ([https://archive.fo/QY9js archive])</ref> In response, Chris filed a [[copyright]] claim to YouTube over the intro and two episodes so far, which used ''[[Sonichu 0]]''. YouTube then took down the videos and placed a copyright strike on Geno's channel.<ref>[[Official CWCki Server chats#Termination of Sonichu: The Animated Series]]</ref>

====Kenneth Engelhardt====
In [[2022]], [[Kenneth Engelhardt]] wanted to collaborate with Chris on a ''Sonichu''-themed business project during the [[Jail Saga]]. Kenneth envisioned it as an "extended universe" of ''Sonichu''.<ref>[[The Sonichu Project]]</ref>

Upon learning of Chris's scheme to try to pay off [[Barbara Chandler]] to move out of [[14 Branchland Court]], among other disturbing comments, a disgusted Kenneth wrote Chris to inform him that he was planning to kick Chris out of the project. Kenneth told Chris that the project would be run by himself, [[Helena Fiorenza]], and [[Eels and the Egg-man]], by their agreement, and that Sonichu and Rosechu would be "broken down and recreated from scratch."<ref>[[Excommunication letter]]</ref>

Chris ignored Kenneth and stopped responding to his letters. Kenneth has apparently since abandoned his plans.

====Luke====
{{Main|The Place chats - Pennsylvania Trip}}
In [[2020]], Luke mailed a large box of random items to Chris - which included things with relevance to Chris like video games. Luke paid Chris to autograph each item. On 8 October, Chris drove to Pennsylvania and dropped off the package at Luke's house.<ref>[[The Place chats - Pennsylvania Trip]]</ref> Luke then listed the items on Mercari as the storefront "CWCStore", but deceptively claimed that the items had belonged to Chris or his family members.<ref>https://archive.ph/ipaiV</ref><ref>https://archive.ph/DRQFv</ref><ref>https://archive.ph/0nb2M</ref>

====Null====
{{main|Kiwi Farms silver coin}}

Null has had multiple conflicts of interest between his communications with Chris and his ownership of the [[CWCki Forums]]/[[Kiwi Farms]] gossip communities.

In [[May 2013]], after the [[2013 Facebook leak]], Null emailed Chris to both inform him of the leak and attempt to manipulate him into registering an account on CWCki Forums.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Attempt to Convince Chris to Join]]</ref>

From [[2018]] to [[2021]], Null sporadically acted as a manager of Chris. Despite Null being aware of the conflict of interest between that role and his ownership of Kiwi Farms,<ref name=conflict>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Chris's Therapist]]</ref> he took actions which used Chris's infamy to drive engagement on the forum. These include creating threads to post some of his DMs with Chris<ref name=conflict></ref> and to discuss [[The Create Unknown]]'s interview<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Create Unknown Interview]]</ref> (which Null had advised Chris to accept).<ref>[[The Place chats (October 2020)#Interview Prep, Mad Over Wikipedia]]</ref> This culminated in Null asking Chris about using his likeness in the [[Kiwi Farms silver coin]]s,<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Chris's Permission for Coin Merch]]</ref> meant to raise money for the forum. While Null claimed he would compensate Chris, he later chose to block Chris over an unrelated matter,<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Chris Stole $750 From Barbara]]</ref> and it is unclear whether Null followed through with compensation.

====Praetor====
In [[September 2020]], a group lead by [[Caden Peck]], named [[Praetor]], met with Chris and arranged a business partnership with him.<ref>[[The Place chats (September 2020)#The "New Associates" (and Helena Hate)]]</ref> Praetor's first item put up for sale on the group's shop [[OfficialCWCmart]] was a Sonichu-style [[medallion]]. The medallions were produced by Praetor, who paid Chris a royalty for the usage of his ''Sonichu'' character.<ref>[[Praetor#Royalty payment]]</ref>

OfficialCWCmart later expanded to other offerings, some produced by Praetor, and some by Chris.

In mid-[[2023]], Caden was involved with financing the [[Big Island, VA]] house. Chris currently lives in it and pays rent.

Chris and Praetor's partnership remains active as of [[2025]].

====ProjectSNT====
In 2018 and 2019, [[ProjectSNT]] exploited Chris's infamy by promoting projects on redesigning Chris's characters through [[Patreon]].

====Rex Rowan Nabours III====
In [[January 2012]], Rex's band released [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]], which covered [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]. Despite using Chris's music and audio clips from him, Rex did not attempt to seek Chris's permission and did not compensate him.

====Sonichu Solutions====
[[File:Sonichu Solutions.jpg|thumb|150px]]

At the [[June 2024]] Fan Expo Dallas, a booth named "Sonichu Solutions" was set up. According to a customer, the owners of the booth were not affiliated with Chris.<ref>https://x.com/BitchAssBowie/status/1799594576405282826 ([https://ghostarchive.org/archive/Dx6me archive])</ref> The owners copied from Chris's Sonichu design and offered knockoffs of his [[medallions]]. Further, they also sold printed-out copies of Chris's [[OfficialCWCmart Jail Art|jail art]] for $15 a piece.<ref>[[:File:Jail Art - 05Jun22 - An Honest Self-Portrait from June, 2021.jpg]]</ref>
{{clear}}

====Winfield Winfield====
[[File:Cro-magnon_looking_ween.png|thumb]]
'''Dylon James Winfield''', also known as '''Winfield Winfield''' (born 21 April 1992 - 7 December 2025), was a self-published horror novel author, intending his debut novel ''Cult of the Eclipse'' to be the first in a series. Dylan seemed to have found promoting his book by spamming Reddit and Twitter ineffective, so in [[June 2021]] he hit upon the idea of requesting Chris do a video review of his book. Although Chris agreed,<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Interdimensional travels]]</ref> the review did not come to pass, particularly due to the subsequent [[incest]] revelations and [[Jail Saga]].

Undeterred, on 6 [[September 2021]], Dylan traveled to [[Ruckersville]], where he trespassed at the yard of [[14 Branchland Court]] while [[Yard Tour (2021)|taking photos and recording video of its neglected state]]. During his video commentary, he advertised his book. The following day, he uploaded the video and messaged [[GiBi]] on Twitter. This resulted in his exposure and doxing on the [[Kiwi Farms]], and several people calling him out on his clout-chasing attempts, after which he deleted his video within an hour, suggesting he was following the thread. [[Autism|Why]], then, he didn't know better is a mystery.

He passed away on 7 [[December 2025]] due to complications stemming from his diabetes.<ref>https://beavercountyradio.com/obituaries/dylon-james-winfield-1992-2025/</ref>

===Clout Chasers===

====[[Ben Saint]]====
Known for exploiting Chris's belief in alternate dimensions by using his [[OC]] [[Night Star]] and creating comics featuring her to create a "Slime Saga," by [[September 2019]], Ben had uploaded to his Patreon scans of his comic. The Patreon account was used for Ben's projects in general (his non-CWC content was behind a paywall, whereas his Night Star comics were free to view).<ref>[[The Place chats - Ben Saint#29-30 September 2019]]</ref>

====[[Bryanfrogboy]]====
In [[February 2018]], Bryan announced a Redbubble shop selling items with art based on his ''Chris Chan: A Prequel Comic'' and also Chris's own art. Chris tweeted in approval.<ref>[[Bryanfrogboy Chats#Announcing store opening]]</ref>
<center><gallery>
File:Bryanfrogboy merch 1.jpg|From Redbubble, with Bryan's art of Chris
File:Bryanfrogboy merch 2.png|From Redbubble, with Chris's art
File:Bryan carpetbagging.png
</gallery></center>

====[[DoopieDoOver]]====
DoopieDoOver was a voice actress who had gained Chris's attention. Instead of just ignoring him, she decided to profit off of Chris's infamy by going onto Kiwi Farms, creating a personal army against Chris.

====[[Edmund McMillen]]====
{{w|Edmund McMillen}}, a game developer behind titles such as ''Super Meat Boy'', ''[[The Binding of Isaac]]'', ''Tapeworm'', and ''Mewgenics'', sought to collaborate with Chris and include his artwork within ''Isaac'' and ''Mewgenics''.

====Ethan Ralph====
After the fallout of the [[incest]] revelations, Ethan Ralph jumped on the opportunity to exploit Chris for views. Ethan, who had a history of vitriolic feelings towards [[Null]], sought to interview Chris, in particular about Null.<ref>https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/1421892854973091848 [https://archive.fo/gZ6MZ (archive)]</ref><ref>https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/1421893664108949508 ([https://archive.fo/Q7Aft archive])</ref><ref>https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/1421896486359547905 [https://archive.fo/PSUuX (archive)]</ref><ref>https://twitter.com/TheRalphRetort/status/1421905699391614982 [https://archive.fo/DwR5v (archive)]</ref>

When Chris was located at [[Regency Inn Richmond]], Ethan livestreamed himself driving to the motel in search of him, knocking on every door on the second floor and [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|ordering pizza]] in a failed attempt to lure Chris out. After being kicked from the motel premises for loitering, Ethan soon returned upon being notified that police were in the area and filmed [[Incest Arrest|Chris's arrest]], all the while screaming comments and questions at Chris.

It should also be noted that Ethan goes the extra mile by attempting to sell t-shirts with Chris's likeness on it in his online store,<ref>https://shop.theralphretort.com/the-moment-chris-chan ([https://archive.fo/tCf0U archive])</ref> without the latter's knowledge or permission, with no plans to compensate Chris for any sales made.

====[[Keffals]]====
'''Keffals''', after getting involved in large-scale drama with Kiwi Farms, had decided to interact with Chris by being in an interview with him. She had also created a Patreon tier with a "Christory Tax", offering to release the unedited interview for a hundred thousand dollars.

====[[MKRNightVee]]====

====[[Naught]]====

====[[Spooky Bones]]====
{{quote|[Hurtful Truth Level]'s well being will definitely not be served by disrespecting me by ignoring me like I'm a nobody
[[Ego|I'm not a nobody]]|Spooky after a CWCki Jerkop was concerned about Hurtful's well-being.<ref>[[User:PsychoNerd054/DMs with Spooky#Spooky's True Colors]]</ref>}}

Spooky Bones, also known by her persona Regina George, led the investigations of [[Isabella Loretta Janke]] and created the OP of the original Kiwi Farms megathread on her. However, as the drama was starting to ignite, and much of Bella's personal life was being dug into by the Mean Girls, the group that Spooky led, Bella left the Internet. Spooky, primarily motivated by the attention and recognition she received from the megathread, then went after other Chris orbiters with even the loosest connections to Bella.

====[[The WCT]]====

====[[Xela]]====
Xela is a ween who tried to uncover many different aspects of Modern Christory, such as Flutter's identity and role, as well as Praetor's current work. In the process, he stirred up drama by creating a rumor that Chris and Flutter were going to have a baby.

==Arguments against carpetbagging==

Like the rest of the [[Unholy Quintet]], there are plenty of good reasons to not become a carpetbagger.

===Associating yourself with Chris is never a good idea===

Chris has an infamous reputation, cultivated through years of bad behavior both online and offline. Most notably, he committed a sex crime by engaging in [[incest]] with [[Barb|his mother]]. Even though the charges were dropped by the state of Virginia, the knowledge of Chris's actions will never fade from public consciousness. If you connect yourself to Chris, that will be the first thing many people think of whenever they hear your name.

Having your name attached to Christory is a terrible idea by itself, but to do so on a large scale that millions of people will notice is even worse.

===You will be actively selling bootleg merchandise===

[[Sonichu_(character)|Sonichu]] has always been a ripoff of [[Sonic]] and [[Pikachu]], two copyrighted characters owned by major video game companies. [[Nintendo]] in particular is known to harshly defend their copyrights, ordering the takedown of many fan projects under threat of legal action. Chris has managed to sail under their radar for years, not because they are unaware of him, but likely because they have concluded he is just a strange, overzealous fan. Unlike with fan-created games, there is no chance of Sonichu being mistaken for a genuine Sega or Nintendo product. For now, they see Chris's creations as posing no serious threat to their brands and thus simply not worth the hassle of dealing with through legal channels. However, that could always change, especially if enough people start producing their own Sonichu junk, so why take the risk of getting stuck with a bunch of crappy merchandise you're no longer allowed to sell? Besides, anything that wasn't made by Chris himself is not "TRUE and HONEST" Sonichu merchandise. The only reason most Chris followers would even want something like a medallion is because it came from Chris himself.

Chris himself has already filed a [[:File:Geno Samuel - YT - Chris copyright removal request.jpg|copyright removal request]] against Geno Samuel's YouTube channel over his ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', which used Chris's artwork, resulting in the videos being taken down and Geno's channel receiving a copyright strike.

===Technically you will be leeching money from Chris===

As sad as it is, [[OfficialCWCmart|Chris's Etsy store]] is probably the closest he can ever get to [[Chris and work|earning income]] on his own. By making and selling unofficial Sonichu merchandise, you're depriving Chris of some of that money, and thus making it harder for him to do what people have always told him he should do (earn a living for himself and stop [[Monthly tugboat|leeching off government programs]]).

===The negative attention you will receive makes it not worth it===

Historically, Chris has always attracted the [[Idea Guys|worst]] [[Jacob Sockness|kinds of]] [[Isabella Loretta Janke|people]], and that negative attention extends to anyone who becomes even tangentially involved with him. [[Geno]]'s [[Chris Chan: A Comprehensive History|documentary series]] is beloved by many Christorians, and even he received plenty of harsh criticism when he began selling his own line of Sonichu medallions and other Chris merchandise. Should Chris ever mention you, it could lead to you getting [[Dox|doxed]] by [[weens]], your face being posted on the [[CWCki]] for everyone to see, possibly even a [[Kiwi Farms]] thread. There are far better ways to eke out a few extra dollars online, which don't involve painting a Chris-shaped target on yourself.

===You risk fucking up the public understanding of Christory===
By profiting off of Chris's story without giving a care about accuracy, and profiting off of what sounds nice, you risk creating mass confusion amongst the CWCSphere. Spooky Bones, noting how much attention the drama surrounding Chris's affair with his mother was receiving, decided to come up with as many juicy stories as she could surrounding the people that were involved when this was uncovered, only to then create a flurry of misconceptions and false views amongst the public.

People later seemed to have caught onto people potentially repeating what Spooky did, and have since then become far more careful about taking juicy information about Chris Chan they see online. This is evidenced by the incident surrounding Xela spreading the rumor about Chris impregnating Flutter, hoping that propagating the story would help draw more answers about Flutter's identity. Though this story initially caught traction, people became skeptical of it a week later, and only brought negative attention onto Xela.

{{References}}
{{Unholy}}
[[Category:Trolling]]

File:Chris the carpetbagger (1).png

2026-02-02T05:21:16Z

TheMikado: Photo of Chris as a carpetbagger for the carpetbagger article.

== Summary ==
Photo of Chris as a carpetbagger for the carpetbagger article.

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2026-01-19T05:04:07Z

TheMikado: TheMikado reverted File:Trump.jpg to an old version

Looks [[The creepy stare|familiar]]

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2026-01-19T05:03:27Z

TheMikado: TheMikado uploaded a new version of File:Trump.jpg

Looks [[The creepy stare|familiar]]

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TheMikado: Created page with " {{Infobox Person |name = TheMikado |image = Johnbarclaymikado-min.png |size = 200px |title = TheMikado |gender = Male }} ==My Userboxes== {{ClassicChris}} {{Evan}} {{JERK}}"

{{Infobox Person
|name = TheMikado
|image = Johnbarclaymikado-min.png
|size = 200px
|title = TheMikado
|gender = Male
}}

==My Userboxes==
{{ClassicChris}}
{{Evan}}
{{JERK}}

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TheMikado:

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TheMikado: