Grace Baptist Church

2010-06-18T21:24:22Z

ThePercussionist:

[[Image:Grace Baptist Church.jpg|thumb|Grace Baptist Church, [[Charlottesville]]]]

'''Grace Baptist Church''' was [[Chris]]'s church until he got kicked out on 17 [[March 2008]].

[[Lordsillynipples]] had emailed Chris in September 2008 asking him why he got kicked out of Grace Baptist Church, and Chris responded with the following: "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] page."<ref name="ED Talk page">[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Talk:Chris-chan/Archive4#Church_Search The ED Chris-Chan article talk page, Archive 4]</ref> Taking into account the fact that Chris started his "war" with ED on the sixteenth, as well as his constant threats to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|use his congregation as a personal army]], it's not hard to deduce that he linked Pastor [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean‎|H[e]artless]] to his ED page in the hope that he'd sic his flock on us and wound up getting himself banned. However, it should be obvious a non-manchild that this plan [[CWC Update 29 July 2009|backfired]], proving that [[godjesus|God]] indeed does exist.

When publicly asked about his old church a little more than a year later, Chris claimed that the pastor "did a background check" and merely found a few images of girls in bikinis on Chris's [[Facebook]] page.<ref name="CWCiki, Mailbag 14">[[Mailbag 14]]</ref>

Chris now attends [[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]], which seems to tolerate his bullshit more than Grace Baptist Church did.

==Sauce==
<references />

==See also:==
*[[Chris and religion]]

{{Places}}
[[Category:Places]]

Sweetheart

2010-06-18T21:01:48Z

ThePercussionist: My first edit, hopefully a decent one too.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|Brbqi6QUuiI}}</center>

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|Potential sweethearts surrounding Chris. Note: this never happened.]]

'''Sweetheart''' (which is something Chris will never have, save [[Mass Debating|Rosey Palm and her five sisters]]) is [[Chris]]'s term for his true love ("'''heartsweet'''" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]] to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after the illustrious metal and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]).

Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of [[Julie]] and [[Sarah May]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as [[Blanca]] and [[Panda]] to identify and sympathize with their captor.

Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, individual interests or intelligence, but is very strict in his insistence that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and possess other such completely superficial qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of [[Women's Rights]].

==Qualifications for becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris==
Chris originally spelled out what he requires of a sweetheart in the early days of his Love Quest, using media such as the [[Attraction Sign]] and his [[Sonichu's News Dash]] newsletter. Recurring traits include:
* MUST be [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]. ''(can't emphasize that enough!)'' [[Kacey|However, not even they are totally safe from Chris.]]
* MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
* MUST be white (NO [[Niggo|DARKIES]] - unless it's [[Fuck_Quest|just for sex]], in which case [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg | Chris is fine with niggos]]).
:*In [[IRC_(17_December_2008)|an IRC chat]], Chris clarified that Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
* MUST have a [[car]].
* MUST not be a mother.
* MUST be a [[tobacky|non-smoker]]
* MUST have a mid to high salary.
* MUST live within 30 miles of the [[Ruckersville]] area.
* MUST NOT be a [[Jerkop|cop]].
* MUST NOT have [[autism]].
* MUST NOT be a [[BlueSpike|man]].
*<strike> IRISH need NOT apply.</strike> Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's [[Guitar Hero|rock star]] fantasy. Apparently [[Niggo|niggos]] are fine now, at least when it comes to sex.]]
Unfortunately, Chris has yet to realize that [[monthly tugboat|beggars]] cannot be choosers. However, If you fit all of the criteria and are into [[obesity|overweight]], [[chris_and_sex|freakish]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|perverse]] [[Sonichu_(comic)|man-children]], then God help you!

Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original list of requirements stipulated NO FATTIES, but he later made an exception for [[Sarah Jackson]]. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for [[Ivy]]. While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] surfaced September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering [[Niggo|niggos]].

The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him in person as opposed to by phone or e-mail. Following a wave of e-mails and other online communications from [[trolls|women]] wanting to be his e-girlfriend, Chris rapidly changed his tune. Ironically, this was the wisest standard he had set, as adhering to it would have saved him a good deal of grief from trollings.

Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him.

In May 2009, when he started to embark on his abortive "[[fuck quest]]", Chris temporarily returned to seeking only in-person encounters. (He insisted that women find him "by chance", essentially requiring that they wander around [[Charlottesville]] until they found him.) Soon enough, however, he returned to pursuing women by way of the internet, with [[Kacey|predictable results]].

==See also==
*[[Love quest]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

CWCki - User contributions [en]

Grace Baptist Church

Sweetheart