CWCki - User contributions [en]

Angelica

2010-07-23T01:02:58Z

TheToastman:

[[Image:Angelica.jpg|thumb|right|Angelica as she appears in [[Sonichu 3]]]]
{{quote|FUCK!! Did she have to do that in [[Grace Baptist Church|the house of God]]?!!|[[Chris]], commenting on Angelica's [[Mass debating|masturbation]] in church}}
{{quote|Angelica is a religious type; she feels peace and tranquility often from the presence of God and Jesus and her healthy life in general.|Chris, describing the [[Reginald Sneasel|Sneasel]]-fucking whore in [[Mailbag 7#The Rosechus are totally diverse and stuff|Mailbag 7]].}}

'''Angelica''' is a [[Rosechu (species)|rosechu]], and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]] that formed from eggs released by the rainbow as a result of the collision between [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Super Sonic]] and a [[Pikachu]]. She is a flying/electric type, which would probably not work since electric attacks do horrifying damage to flying types. Despite the fact that she was hatched in 2004, [[Chris]] insists that she is over 18 and therefore making porn of her masturbating doesn’t make him a [[pedophile]].

[[Chris and religion|Angelica was brought up in a strict convent, with nuns being the only family she ever knew.]] Her painfully bleak upbringing clashes with her apparently insatiable sexual appetites, no doubt causing her massive tension and guilt. The fierce repression of her youth, in the cold surroundings of the brutal convent, led to her later rebellion which tragically took the form of her indoctrination into the [[Chaotic Combo]]. She went from diligently worshiping Jesus to being nothing but a masturbatory aid for her demented creator, another lobotomized beast rattling around in the bird-cage of Chris's mind.

Like other rosechus, she has [[Chris and Writing|no discernable personality whatsoever]], aside from a verbal tic ("Lord") that Chris claims is indicative of a pious personality.

She is a combination of 3 characters:
*[[Raichu]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*Angels
==Comic Appearances==
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_10:_.22Sonichu_Babies.22|Sonichu Babies]]===
Angelica's Egg came into the possession of a group of nuns, who nurtured the egg until its hatching, revealing a small, white, winged Rosey. After learning how to fly under the watch of nuns, she evolved one night in her sleep - on said night also being secretly visited by Chris-chan, who gave her shoes and a scrunchie - but nothing to cover up her breasts and [[china|genitals]]...
===[[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===
Angelica meets the [[Chaotic Combo]] moments after planting a flower garden and viewing it from above, when all of a sudden, [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] come crashing through, shortly followed by the rest of the rainbow retards. After a short discussion, Angelica, along with her newfound team, proceed to beat the hell out of Blake (like a good Christian would) and celebrate accordingly. It is established that Angelica's main mode of attack and defense is through using her wings rather than any electric powers.
===[[Sonichu 5]]===
She has brief cameos in this issue but no speaking lines because she has no personality at all.
===[[Sonichu 6]]===
In this issue, Angelica pretends to be concerned about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's imaginary twin sister]] getting trapped in the mirror one minute, and the next minute she talks about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s great basketball skills. She and [[Bubbles]] think to themselves “What a dreamboat”, smoldering with barely contained lust.
===Episode 18 Prologue===
Here we see the [[Chaotic Combo]] celebrating their 19th birthday on February 2, 2008. This is a lame ass attempt to make [[Chris]] look like less of a [[pedofork|pedophile]].
===[[Sonichu_8#Episode_18:_.22Spring_Break.2C_2008.22|Spring break]]===
While sunbathing with [[Rosechu]] Angelica makes the mistake of asking bubbles why she doesn't need sunscreen, and is subjected to a long boring lecture. After [[Blake]] shows up and kicks sand at them before being led away by Bubbles, Angelica and Rosechu giggle about Blake's faux macho attitude.
===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Date Ed]]===
While absent for most of the episode, Angelica shows up on the last few pages to hook up with [[Reginald Sneasel]] for no good reason. Apparently she's only attracted to pathetic losers.
===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC Defense]]===
Angelica is shown waking up in bed with Reginald at her church home, removing all doubt that she's a dirty whore. She's later seen taking down several flying enemies. She precisely aims the wreckage to form a [[Wikipedia:Pentagram|Pentagram]] around her church. So much for being a good Christian.

== Love Quest ==
Angelica went through the first 8 Sonichu books not showing any interest in any of the male characters, before finally shacking with [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Episode 19]] after he called her cute. Given that Reginald is basically a Chris stand-in, it's generally assumed by [[trolls]] that Chris would like his relationship to start in a similar manner: a girl throwing herself at him not in spite of the fact that he's pathetic, but because of it.

==[[Rule 34]]==
Chris drew Rule 34 of Angelica, which he uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], hoping that it would encourage [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] et al. to remove his article. Instead, his plan backfired, resulting in an increased interest in him and his work.

The picture in question was originally included with the caption "FUCK!! Did she have to do that in the house of God?!!", suggesting that Angelica has a penchant for masturbating in church. Some believe that the real reason for Chris's dismissal from [[Grace Baptist Church]] was a similar incident, in which the line was repeated to him, but there is no evidence to back up this claim.

Angelica's struggle with sexual sin might be an insight into Chris's own struggle between his Christianity and his sexual desires. While Chris claims to be a Christian, he acts similarly to Angelica, maintaining a veneer of piousness yet living in a prison of [[Kimmi|sex dolls]], masturbation, pornography, and [[Homo#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|complete submission to his sexuality]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Yu-Gi-OH BABY
Image:271-Angelica.jpg|The power of prayer... it does nothing to relieve the crapfest.
</gallery>
</center>
{{CWCipedia|chris=Angelica Sonichu}}

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Kick the Autistic

2010-07-23T00:58:07Z

TheToastman:

<center>[[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]][[Image:Asspielogo2.png]][[Image:Asspielogo.png]]</center>
[[Image:KickTheAutisticWii.jpg|thumb|Now for the [[Nintendo]] Wii!]]

'''Kick the Autistic''' is the world's favorite game. This is the act of doing anything [[Chris]] doesn't like (for instance, a woman rejects Chris - "WHY MUST YOU PLAY KICK THE AUTISTIC?"). It is very probable he has done this in the past to get "[[sex|speshul treatment]]" from "Young Ladies."

==Variations==
There are many known variations of the game, and we will go through the most effective.

===Artistic Style===
Enter a competition of artistry where Chris also competes, and [[Honor roll|out-talent him]]. This is usually easily done by showing any competence at all. Favored by [[Manchester High School#Graduation|his fellow students]] and [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|that no-good Adam Stackhouse]]. Beware: Chris may [[CWC is Angry|get grumpy and shoot at your photograph.]] Or beat you up in [[Soul Calibur]].

===[[Blanca]] Style===
Take the time to befriend Chris and pretend you are a [[Boyfriend Free Girl]] until Chris trusts you. Then get Chris to give you something of value to him, and destroy it.

===[[Jimmy Hill]] Style===
Chris is very funny about the material which he has plagiarized. If you are an artist troll or just bored, plagiarize Chris's plagiarized comics. He will throw a fit and "take legal action against you if not removed by 14 days." Oh wait, YOU CAN'T [[Parody|COPYRIGHT UNORIGINAL CHARACTERS]] DIPSHIT.

===[[Sweetheart]] Style===
Chris is of the completely clueless type, and will trust anyone <s>with a little bit of time</s> who claims to have a [[China|china]]. Pretend to befriend Chris, and when you have gained his trust, tell him to do something lulzy. Say you are a woman who is turned on at the thought of him drinking his own [[semen]]. Once this happens, put the goods up on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and wait for the lulz to come pouring in.

===[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickleman]] Style===
Somehow meet up with Chris while wearing a pickle suit. He will be bewildered by it and powerless to act.

===Cosmic Forces Style===
Set [[Sonichu|events]] in motion that will keep Chris from [[Virgin with rage|ever getting laid.]] Physically [[Chris and health|weaken]] him so that he can't even rape women to lose his virginity, or do anything else for that matter. Extra points for [[Jimmy Hill|Clouding]] [[BlueSpike|his]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|judgement.]] As an added "fuck you," send <s>an impostor</s> [[Liquid Chris|The TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]] to swipe [[Kacey|his sweetheart.]]

Keep doing this for the rest of his life, then send him to Hell where he'll be trolled for all eternity... or reincarnate him as a pickle... whichever.

===[[Liquid]] Style===
<s>Pretend that you are the</s> Be the TRUE and ORIGINAL creator of [[Sonichu]], the electric hedgehog Pokémon. Upload videos on [[YouTube]] detailing your many encounters with [[Clyde Cash]] and your success at attracting a boyfriend free girl. Brag about the millions you have earned thanks to Sonichu, and try to conquer the Sonichu media empire that is rightfully yours.

Alec Benson Leary of [[Asperchu]] has used a similar tactic, to much the same effect. Bonus points for buying ad space on the [[CWCipedia]].

===[[Michael Snyder]] Style===
Ban him from [[The GAMe PLACe|an establishment]] for being the [[Chris and hypocrisy|entitled]], [[Chris and anger|angry]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-obsessed]], [[death threats|dangerous]] manchild that he is. Quite correctly [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|never let him back in]]. '''WARNING''': This will probably result in Chris [[6 June 2010|coming to the store]] to [[pedofork|take pictures of your daughter]] and [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|attempting to murder]] you with [[Son-Chu|his mother's car]].

===Literally===
One day, Chris will say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, and they will literally kick the shit out of him. On that day trolls will shed tears of joy, and once again feel as if there is some sort of justice in the world. That being said, no reasonable troll should ever use physical violence to harm Chris, as there's no need to expend any sort of effort on him and it's not worth giving Chris something he could actually call the police over. (Plus, that would mean [[Chris and health#Hygiene|touching him]].) It will be much sweeter when he gets his ass handed to him by a random angry [[Niggos|African American]] or someone with an [[homos|alternate life-style]]. Even greater will be the day when he gets a little too touchy with a [[boyfriend-free girl]] and gets a face full of mace.

Examples of literally kicking the autistic include: The teachers at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] (barely), [[Jerkops]] (probably exaggerated) and [[Niggos#Conflicts_at_The_GAMe_PLACe|TJ from GAMe PLACe]] (almost).

However, Chris has never experienced any real physical pain in his entire life. His parents never raised a finger against him, there is no record of him being grounded, or punished in any significant way even after he was [[Bob Walks In|caught masturbating in the kitchen]]. The only exception to this is when [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] tried to teach him how to roller-skate. Chris fell down, got a boo-boo, ran home to [[Barbara Chandler|mommy]], and vowed to never again even try to roller-skate, or, apparently, to do anything active at all.

Ever since the [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]], it is believed that Chris may become the subject of a game of Kick the Autistic, featuring a guest team from the [[Wikipedia:United_States_Marine_Corps|Semper Fi Brotherhood]].

==Conclusion==
Remember kids, Kick the Autistic is everyone's favorite game and can be replayed over and over with Chris. He just never learns.

==See also==
*[[Jerkops]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] - Video game president, hoping to release Kick the Autistic on all major Nintendo consoles in time for Christmas.
*[[Troll]]

==External links==
*[http://www.pictogame.com/en/play/game/bq1o8yBlHtPu_cwc-in-kick-the-autistic Click to play!!]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Pocket knife

2010-07-23T00:30:39Z

TheToastman:

[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|How Chris wishes he could use the knife...|thumb|left]]
[[Image:Selfstab.jpg|...and how Chris will use the knife in real life|thumb|right]]
Chris's '''pocket knife''', given to him by the [[Monthly tugboat|powers that be]], is his newest means of threatening the [[trolls]] and anyone else who stands in the way of true love. It is a small, multi-bladed "Swiss Army"-style tool, first seen in videos from early March 2010.

Exactly why Chris believes that anyone would be intimidated by a penknife is a question for the ages.

Why Chris chose to get a knife is also a mystery, but it is interesting to note that a blade was [[Liquid Chris|Liquid Chris's]] weapon of choice in [[Sonichu Special 4]]. Although the irony is probably lost on Chris, it's likely that the only reason he chose a blade was because it was cheaper and easier to get than a [[Megatron pistol|gun that didn't turn into a robot]].

== Use of knife ==
In [[Don't Mess With Me]], after Chris gets the invisible [[Clyde Cash]] in a headlock, he tries to take the knife out of his pocket, succeeding only on the second attempt. After fiddling with it for a good three seconds, he manages to get the blade out. He then uses it to slit Clyde's imaginary throat.

In [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], he brings it out again. After fiddling with it for a good ''eight'' seconds in a futile attempt to fold out the main cutting blade, he gives up and proceeds to effortlessly take out the corkscrew tool, using it to threaten his new foe Surfshack Tito.

Chris believes this knife is the cure to all his troll problems. In his threats to this very [[CWCki]], delivered on 14 March 2010, he claimed that "he is armed," evidently in reference to his newfound weapon. Obviously, Chris is overestimating the power of the blade and his competence with it were he to actually use it in a fight, as the mere act of opening it would give even the slowest opponent ample time to kick him in the [[pickle]]. Not only that, he'd have to travel all around the world to find every major member.

There's also the issue that anyone smarter than Chris (read: everyone) is likely able to disarm an obese, laughably inept manchild with a pen knife. Or, you know, the fact that some members of the CWCki have their own weapons, thus meaning that if he tried this, Chris could very well end up getting a load of birdshot in his [[duck]], or facing the business side of a full-length [[Anime|katana]].

== Spotted in ==
*[[Don't Mess With Me]]
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
{{Clear}}
==See also==

* [[Fangs]]: Chris's previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Megatron Pistol]]: Chris's other previous weapon used to menace trolls.
* [[Cutco]]: The makers of mediocre, yet more intimidating knives.

{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]