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Chris and money

2015-12-25T11:38:05Z

Tierra del Fuego: /* Chris's parental enabling */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Cwcshutup.png|thumb|Chris's response to literally any commercial.]]
{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]], understating it.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

Chris has repeatedly shown though his actions and words that he has no idea how to handle '''money''' or manage his own finances. Between his impulse spending, [[Chris and his Ego|his greed and selfishness]], his unwillingness to save even the smallest amount of money, and his massive sense of entitlement, Chris manages to demonstrate complete incompetence and ineptitude in managing financial affairs. Chris has repeatedly amassed debt on credit cards, only to have his enabling parents bail him out multiple times. [[Monthly tugboat|Too lazy to work]], he refuses to make or follow any type of budget or financial plan, instead spending far beyond his means, and expecting others to pay off his accumulated debt for him. It is clear that [[Autism|Chris has no idea what financial responsibility is]] and that his enabling, delusional parents taught him nothing about how to handle finances while he was growing up. Irresponsible, careless, and thoughtless, Chris fails at just about every aspect of financial management that can be thought of.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed!==
For the vast majority of Chris's "adult" life, his only source of income has been the "tugboat" that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month. In 2009, this payout was $809 a month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board;<ref name="Miyamoto" /> this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after Bob paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref> How much he gets to keep these days isn't known.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. Yet with my impuslive [sic] shoppiness [sic] (mostly controable [sic]), I end up spending my side-money after I get it.|Chris, [[Chris and His Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].<ref name="Miyamoto">[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>}}

===Chris and impulse spending===
It's obvious that Chris has no grasp on the real value of money, since he actively wastes as much of his monthly tugboat as possible on things like [[The Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[List of Chris's video games|video games]], [[alcohol]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|make-up]], [[Lego|toys]], [[Mia Hamm|prostitutes]], and weekly lottery tickets<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 12]]</ref>. Also, in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', while legislating as mayor of [[CWCville]], he equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer.<ref name="Miyamoto" /> His [[PlayStation Network]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' single [[PlayStation 3]] game that he's ever purchased, and even for ''games he doesn't own'', and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely costs about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores. Usually, children are taught the value of money at a very young age--not in Chris's case, apparently.

===Chris's parental enabling===
Bob encouraged his son to remain unemployed, since he believed that Chris would earn more money from his monthly tugboat than he would have from getting a job. However, this assumption was and is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: that's $15,100 annually. Subtracting the money he pays his mom every month to live, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000, which knowing Chris, would be spent on yet more frivolities. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulled in annually from the government after paying off his parents, and it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement came from either thinking Chris would lose his social security if employed (which he wouldn't) or the more accurate notion that his son is a useless failure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his parents are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending (or for anything else) by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on frivolities and useless stuff, as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|courses that could eventually help him onto the employment ladder]] or [[Clown shirt|clothing that isn't unbelievably tacky]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that [[Barb]] will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

===Chris's beliefs===
Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless junk, he is aiding the economy and paying for other people's tugboats.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever]]</ref> This is a [[Honor roll|damningly moronic statement]], since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with ''federal'' payroll tax. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Chris and his Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond. His mother has served as a bad influence in both regards, as she would frequently shop at Goodwill and compulsively hoard the purchases, which both wasted money and helped turn their house into a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire hazard]].

===Losing the tugboat?===
With the possibility that he might have ended up in jail over the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris's bad spending habits would have come back to haunt him. In jail, he wouldn't be able to collect his monthly tugboat, and if a full year passed without him collecting his checks, he would have to reapply for his welfare, something that would be a bit more difficult under the Obama administration, which doesn't look too kindly on social security due to the stress it causes to the overall economy,<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/24/us/politics/financial-outlook-dims-for-social-security.html]</ref> and has even started measures to cut them down altogether.<ref>[http://finance.yahoo.com/news/u-winds-down-longer-benefits-152809517.html]</ref> That, combined with the costs associated with court appearances as well as the fact that the last surviving breadwinner, Barbara, may have also landed in jail, would have resulted in Chris being placed in very dire circumstances, something which [[Kacey|several]] [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|have]] [[Mumble 4|tried]] [[PlayStation Vita|and failed]] to warn him about. Fortunately for him, he wasn't sentenced to jail, but the fact that he openly stated during his trial that his mother would pay his court fees is telling of both [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|his character]] and his financial situation.

However, it seems that even this has not given Chris pause, as he got himself into legal trouble [[26 December 2014|again]] and even got sent to jail for a brief time until he was quickly bailed out. Since he is both a repeat offender and financially drained after his last court hearing, it seems very unlikely that Chris will get off with a slap on the wrist this time, which means that he is once again in danger of losing his tugboat.

===In recent years===
It is worth noting that despite all of the circumstances (and expenses) described above, Chris is still wasting money on video games, as evidenced by his playing of ''Rock Band Blitz'' on the PSN, which was released in August 2012, pretty much cementing that even when faced with the consequences of bad spending habits, Chris will learn absolutely nothing. He has also spent gigantic amounts of money on Legos, despite the dire straits his family's finances are in since the destruction of 14BC.

In September [[2013]], Chris complained about he and his mom going through "emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By",<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref> making it clear that the family income had dipped since Bob's passing. However, these supposedly lean times were apparently not enough to motivate Chris to get a job, or even to stop buying games, as evidenced by him racking up over $1000 in game purchases over that time period.

On [[10 January 2014]], 14 Branchland Court burnt down. This would undoubtedly place the Chandlers in grim circumstances, due to the costs of rebuilding the home and replacing what was lost. Many, concerned about Chris due to his wasteful spending habits, hoped that this would be the moment in Chris's life where he finally woke up and realized the importance of saving when things like this happen. Unfortunately, not even ''this'' has broken Chris's thick skull--he apparently purchased ''The Lego Movie Video Game'' for his PS3 in February ''(however, it should be noted that due to a huge inflow of troll remorse, it's entirely possible that the game was a donation....or at least it was until it was [[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour|confirmed that he did indeed buy it himself]].)'' At this point, only time will tell.

In the months that followed, Chris has resorted to begging online for money, placing extra emphasis on ''"My mother and I really need the money,"'' despite dropping more than '''$5,000''' on expensive [[Lego]] sets to feed his worsening addiction. One would think that Chris would have wised up to the fact that his wanton spending and lack of gainful employment are contributing to his woes, but one glance at his [[May 2014 Facebook Posts]] could easily tell you that he's seeing his situation as an avenue to get stuff from people, the most ridiculous of which being a "$300 Sea Cow" on his wish list, which would not benefit anybody but himself in the slightest. He has also attempted to sell [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing|an original art piece of his]] on eBay; logical, though sorely [[Chris and art|misguided]].

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games, racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years<reF>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/]</ref>, a list which includes useless shovelware, hoards of 1st party Nintendo software, Virtual Console games and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like]]. 276 of these purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles (buying '''4''' DSs and DSis), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. This information comes on the heels of Chris begging people for money to fix his mother's cavities, as well as the financial worries that his trials will undoubtedly cause.

==Chris and credit cards==
That Chris has managed to acquire several credit cards is very surprising, but the foolishness with which he uses them wouldn't surprise anybody at all. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By that point, Chris's debt had gotten so out of hand that Bob was forced to step in, making Chris reduce and manage on his spending, and forcing Chris to make regular payments to pay off his outstanding debt. Chris, thoughtless and uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the tugboat in compensation. This foolish act of parental financial enabling allowed Chris to avoid the immediate consequences of his gross financial irresponsibility, and resulted in Chris learning nothing about how to manage his own finances, reinforcing Chris's attitude that he should be able to do anything that he wants and not suffer any negative consequences.

===Best Buy MasterCard===
Not surprisingly, it only took Chris a few short months to land himself in more financial trouble. In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had predictably used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, delusional and in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of The GAMe PLACe, claimed that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from any of the near-destitute Chandlers is unknown.

Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point. Bob probably salvaged Chris's credit rating when he paid off all his prior card debt at once, but he angrily claimed Chris ruined it with the Best Buy debt (certainly true), and, in disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seemed to use this damning information to try to make Chris's latest brush with the [[Chris and the Law|law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, happened to hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him, mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there, and then he blamed his debt on trolls, in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

===Revelations to [[Jackie]]===
One of Chris's [[Jackie E-mails 7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission; he only told them about it after receiving 2 bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to repay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. From that point until Bob's death, he received only an allowance in the form of Visa gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt for a short time. At the time, the prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie E-mails 8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with Jackie, Chris claimed that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to Bob were the work of trolls. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he was just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes. Considering Bob shared many of Chris's outrageous delusions regarding troll activity, it is difficult to know whether or not he believed Chris's dubious excuse.

After Bob's passing, Chris once again resumed his thoughtless spending, completely disregarding and forsaking any hopes that his late father had had of Chris becoming financially responsible or independent. Chris's acquisition of the PlayStation Vita and over $600 worth of video games for that system were proof that Chris had regained control of his money after Bob's death and resumed tossing it away like it was nothing.

==2014==
===June===
Unverified information on Chris's credit card debt was leaked on the CWCki Forums on 4 June 2014. It was revealed that Chris had at least five active credit cards, with at least $7600 in combined credit limit. Of the five known active cards, at least four were revealed to be maxed out, with at least $7400 in unpaid debt between the five cards. It was estimated that the minimum payment on Chris's known debt was at least $220 a month, and it was revealed that the only reason that Chris had been able to obtain the credit that he had was that, historically, he had almost always at least paid the minimum payment each month, although it was implied that he rarely if ever paid more than the minimum.<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/chris-and-his-finances-an-in-depth-review-of-his-debt.3809/ CWCki Forums: "Chris and his finances: An in-depth review of his debt"] ([https://archive.today/K6R2c archived version])</ref>

Given the Chandlers' financial situation as of June 2014, with most of Chris's tugboat going to help pay essential household expenses, it seems very unlikely that Chris has the financial resources to even pay off a small portion of his known debt, straining to make the monthly minimums each month. In response to his looming debt, instead of seeking financial consulting or trying to get a paying job, [[Chris and his Ego|Chris demanded massive monetary donations on Facebook]], and sought exorbitant prices for his [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing|crude artwork]] that he was selling on eBay.

===September===
Throughout the summer of 2014, Chris continued to spend thousands of dollars on [[Lego]] and other frivolities, all while whining and complaining on Facebook about his and his mother's poor finances. Chris financed this spending primarily with money from selling custom arts and crafts on his eBay account. Offering free shipping to customers, Chris would receive money from customers, and then pay for shipping out of his own pocket. However, Chris would immediately spend money as soon as it was deposited into his account, often leaving him unable to ship products to customers who had already paid him because of his own financial irresponsibility and negligence.

When several of Chris's eBay customers filed complaints against him because Chris failed to ship a order as promised and obligated, Chris responded by harassing and trolling the customers, posting their personal information in a public post on his Facebook account. In light of this, Chris's future money making prospects from eBay are dim, as most prospective future customers probably wouldn't want to risk being harassed or scammed by Chris.

All the while, even as Chris's credit card debt continued to spiral out of control, Chris continued to buy thousands of dollars of video games, Lego, and other frivolities. As if this were not bad enough, just days after putting his and Barb's cars up for sale, (at exorbitant prices) Chris went out and bought a 2010 Ford Focus, stating on Facebook that he had been approved for a loan, probably at a high interest rate.

Chris also stated that paying for insurance on his new car was "killing" him, implying that either the insurance payment was costly, that he was having trouble paying it, or both. It was commonly speculated on the [[CWCki Forums]] that Chris and his mother would be unable to afford to keep the car and that it would be repossessed in the near future.

Chris placed two cars for sale on Craigslist in September 2014. One was a dilapidated, rusty 1997 Cadillac with a cracked engine block that hadn't run in over a year. Despite having a market value (as scrap) of approximately $150, Chris demanded $5,000 for the automobile, insisting that the cracked engine block made the car a great [[Chris and reality|"fixer upper."]] Chris also placed his mother's BMW Z3 for sale, demanding $15,000 for a car that had a book value of approximately $3,000.

Throughout 2014, Chris continued his foolish behaviors of maxing out all his available credit, paying only the minimums on all his loans/debts, immediately spending money as soon as he got it, and making large, impulse purchases on unrealistic assumptions of future sales and income from various sources. (eBay, car sales, etc) Evidently, even after years of financial hardship, being burdened with debt, and paying a cumulative total of thousands of dollars in interest, Chris has apparently learned nothing about handling his personal finances, and refuses to try to live within the means provided to him by his monthly tugboat.

One dreads to imagine how his financial incompetence will affect him once Barb is dead - knowing Chris, and while it is quite tragic, he'll probably continue in his destructive spending patterns until he loses everything he has, and even then, he'll [[Ego|learn nothing]].

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris in real life. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[United States of America|American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, ''à la'' [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]]. States, let alone cities, cannot print their own money, despite holding considerable power over their own affairs. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states have historically issued their own money - when they were colonies and during difficult times, such as the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

On the [[CWCipedia]] article on Sonichu, Chris wrote that [[Rosechu]] is usually the one who cooks for her family, but when Sonichu cooks for his wife and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|kids]] he "will go as HIGH in portions as a Banquet", even though he only cooks for five individuals.<ref name=>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Married Life and Children Sonichu]</ref> This suggest that Sonichu is just as frivolous with money as his father.

===Soup hotels===

Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, beds, lighting and cable television.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#This still implies that CWCville has a massive homeless problem]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

==In other works==

In [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris loses his mind|Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp, pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s.

In real life, according to Chris, he tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him according to him.

In late [[October 2011]], Chris posted a Craigslist ad for a 12-year old 32" CRT television and expected a non-negotiable $250 for it;<ref>[[Craigslist#Television]]</ref> in reality, this is about the price of a new flatscreen HDTV of that size, and he would be lucky to get a tenth of his asking price.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping. This is paralleled by his real life situation - with [[Bob]] gone, one would assume that he'd be the "man of the house" and assume some responsibility for once. Unfortunately, as evidenced by his [[This is how the Trial went|admission in court,]] Barb is still pulling his ass out of any such concept by paying his court fees. Keep in mind that, by extension, Chris is being minded by an ailing woman's retirement money which was used to bail him out of a mess that ''he'' started, while he wastes his own money on meaningless frivolities.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, ''à-la'' the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

== Conclusion ==

Given Chris's carefree abandon when it comes to his spending habits, many are actually concerned as to what will happen to Chris when Barb passes on and he has to fend for himself. If past (and present) experiences are any indication, it's that if Chris continues on his path of not saving his money and spending it on frivolous crap that he doesn't need, he'll wind up broke and in severe debt. A [[Mumble_4|past conversation]] with [[Clyde Cash]] revealed that he doesn't even know the basic expenses that go into running a household, and we all know how Chris's plan of [[PlayingHouse|marrying a sweetheart to dump all of the financial responsibilities on her]] will [[Sweetheart#Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?|turn out.]]

Long story short, if Chris doesn't start saving for his future now, then when Barb finally passes on, he won't have one to look forward to. And he'll have nobody to blame but himself. ''(Not that he won't try, of course.)''

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2015-12-25T05:08:46Z

Tierra del Fuego: /* Gallery */

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah shortly after her wedding<ref>According to Chris's comments on the [[CWCipedia]], this picture was taken shortly after Sarah's wedding.[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#C.W.C._Growing_Up_Gallery]</ref>]]

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age two until around age ten, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he returned to [[Ruckersville]] after finishing [[Manchester High School]] and entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend, he seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her since childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan Schroeder]], there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Anything in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets, playing hide and seek, and rollerskating.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is sometimes alleged to be poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its "dangers". And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7.</ref> and would not see Sarah again until after he returned to Ruckersville on June [[2000]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref> In [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]], made on 4 June 1998, Chris named one of the characters after Sarah, suggesting that he was still thinking about her at the time.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===She got hot===
Between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> The fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, but Chris is notorious for his [[Blanca Weiss|poor facial recognition skills]]. This is the man who had to stare at himself in a mirror for hours to remember what ''he'' actually looked like after all.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24</ref>

===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. Unfortunately for him, at a certain point Sarah started dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]], eventually moving in with him at some point prior to July [[2000]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]. page 12.</ref> Learning about this development was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurred him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

To this day, there exist no records of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], whom she eventually married and now has a child with. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

===Epilogue===

In a chat from 16 [[April 2009]], Chris mentioned that the last time he had seen Sarah was shortly after her wedding. He had heard little of her afterwards except for a few updates from her father and [[Joshua Martinez]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref> On 18 [[April 2010]] Chris again stated that he had lost touch with Sarah after her marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Nicole Hammer (Spicer)]]</ref> On 14 [[March 2010]], shortly after the CWCki instituted [[CWCki:The Wallflower|The Wallflower policy]], Chris wrote a blog post asking that the CWCki will erase from its pages all the references to various people he cares about, Sarah among them.<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 March 2010]]</ref>

==Sarah in the comic==
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blew his wad]] right away, revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages later in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]].

===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason.

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding,<ref>[[Wedding Comic]], [[:Image:SchuComicSP2P6.jpg|p. 6]]</ref> it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Sarhamah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah card back.
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|Picture of human Sarah.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hammer, Sarah Nicole}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2015-12-25T05:08:27Z

Tierra del Fuego: /* Gallery */

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah shortly after her wedding<ref>According to Chris's comments on the [[CWCipedia]], this picture was taken shortly after Sarah's wedding.[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#C.W.C._Growing_Up_Gallery]</ref>]]

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age two until around age ten, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he returned to [[Ruckersville]] after finishing [[Manchester High School]] and entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend, he seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her since childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan Schroeder]], there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Anything in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets, playing hide and seek, and rollerskating.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is sometimes alleged to be poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its "dangers". And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 7.</ref> and would not see Sarah again until after he returned to Ruckersville on June [[2000]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref> In [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]], made on 4 June 1998, Chris named one of the characters after Sarah, suggesting that he was still thinking about her at the time.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===She got hot===
Between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> The fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, but Chris is notorious for his [[Blanca Weiss|poor facial recognition skills]]. This is the man who had to stare at himself in a mirror for hours to remember what ''he'' actually looked like after all.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24</ref>

===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. Unfortunately for him, at a certain point Sarah started dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]], eventually moving in with him at some point prior to July [[2000]].<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]. page 12.</ref> Learning about this development was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurred him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

To this day, there exist no records of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], whom she eventually married and now has a child with. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

===Epilogue===

In a chat from 16 [[April 2009]], Chris mentioned that the last time he had seen Sarah was shortly after her wedding. He had heard little of her afterwards except for a few updates from her father and [[Joshua Martinez]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref> On 18 [[April 2010]] Chris again stated that he had lost touch with Sarah after her marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Nicole Hammer (Spicer)]]</ref> On 14 [[March 2010]], shortly after the CWCki instituted [[CWCki:The Wallflower|The Wallflower policy]], Chris wrote a blog post asking that the CWCki will erase from its pages all the references to various people he cares about, Sarah among them.<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 March 2010]]</ref>

==Sarah in the comic==
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blew his wad]] right away, revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages later in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]].

===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason.

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding,<ref>[[Wedding Comic]], [[:Image:SchuComicSP2P6.jpg|p. 6]]</ref> it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Sarhamah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Saramah card back.
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|Picture of human Sarah.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hammer, Sarah Nicole}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

User:Tierra del Fuego

2015-12-24T23:00:01Z

Tierra del Fuego:

Welcome to the Tierra Del Fuego Foundation of Internet Theories! Though only Sonichu here. Post any of your theories on the Talkpage!

Note: Some of the theories posted here are mine. Ones not are not.

User:Tierra del Fuego

2015-12-24T22:59:37Z

Tierra del Fuego: CREATED PAGE

Welcome to the Tierra Del Fuego Foundation of Sonichu'''Internet''' Theories! Though only Sonichu here. Post any of your theories on the Talkpage!

Note: Some of the theories posted here are mine. Ones not are not.

User talk:Tierra del Fuego

2015-12-24T22:56:19Z

Tierra del Fuego: /* Sonichu 9 page 92- A "Fan" Theory: Ivy and more */ new section

== Sonichu 9 page 92- A "Fan" Theory: Ivy and more ==

The death of Ivy in the comic was almost certainly not PVCCitizens's fault. According to me, at least. Because only Chris-chan and the Sonichus destroy stuff for fun. Also, he destroyed the 4-cent building in #10. That killed 100 people, and maybe even up to 225, or even 350 people. WHY ISN'T HE ON TRIAL INSTEAD OF THE ASPERPEDIA 4! Back to the main point. An elevator cable would probably not hang someone. Wouldn't they be made of steel! OH RIGHT THEY ARE! (wikipedia). So, how did it happen. Maybe she was killed by a Decepti-Clone? I don't think so! It was either one of the Autobots or Sonichus... probably. Maybe she WAS strangled by elevator cables! Now there are 2 leading theories. BUT WAIT! I couldnt find any elevators on the Mall Floor Plans! So what happened? What about all the r34's in the 4Cent Building? Yep, back to that. lol who cares abt the r34s. XBOX 360ko was in the 4-Cent Building! maybe.... Still! Back to Ivy. She was murdered. Not by PVCC, but by the "good guys". Ok,im done. Im tired.

Please donate theories to the Tierra Del Fuego Foundation of Sonichu Theories by posting them on this talkpage.

TDF signing out!