CWCki - User contributions [en]

Sonichu Balls

2012-03-02T17:18:45Z

Torchwood: minor grammarfaggotry

:''This article is about the seven magic crystal spheres. For information on Sonichu's testicles, see [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].''

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|right|<s>What about them, [[Darkbind]]?</s> [[homos|Balls are touching]].]]
[[Image:Sb3.jpg|thumb|right|The seven balls.]]

The [[Sonichu Balls]] are the seven big [[South Park|salty balls]] our heroes desperately yearn for. In the comic, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] was once seen holding on tightly to a pair of these balls.

In the [[Official Videobooks]] Chris begins to refer to them as '''[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|"Sonichu Crystals"]]''', presumably to quell all the balls jokes. Still, the story's still about a group of guys leaving their women behind as they all go out to look for multicolored crystals, so... yeah. He also calls them "'''Sonichu Ball Crystals'''" from time to time, making the whole endeavor pointless (and actually ''more'' [[homos|gay]]).

Chris [[retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] the Balls ''yet again'' in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where they became "'''Chaotic Crystals'''". This further cemented their status as [[Things Chris has ripped off|rip-offs of Chaos Emeralds]].

Despite all the retconning of the name, they don't resemble crystals in any way.

==Origin==

As revealed on the [[CWCipedia]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms]</ref>, the Sonichu Balls were created by the same [[rainbow]] that was unleashed by [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]'s creation, going all the way back to [[Sonichu chronology#1900|1900]], trapping it inside a Ancient Tablet in the land of [[RuleCWC]].

According to [[Darkbind Sonichu]], the Sonichu Balls were unleashed from an ancient tablet by the evil wizard [[Clawdorf]]. Clawdorf used the power to curse Darkbind's gal-pal [[Zelina Rosechu]] into a magic sleep. In the process, however, Clawdorf was turned to stone, leaving Darkbind to gather the Sonichu Balls and use them to break the curse. How Darkbind knows this will work, and why the Sonichu Balls were scattered throughout the world in the first place, are never explained.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Introduced
! Location
!Recovered by
|-
|[[File:Sb1.jpg|80px]]
|Red & light blue
|[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
|[[RuleCWC]]
| [[Darkbind Sonichu]], then taken by [[Magi-Chan]]
|-
|[[File:Sb2.jpg|80px]]
|Yellow
|[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
|Unknown
|[[Magi-Chan]]
|-
|[[File:Sb4.jpg|80px]]
|Purple
|[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
|Kay Jewelers store, [[CWCville Mall]]
|Stolen by [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]], then taken by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
|-
|[[File:Sb5.jpg|80px]]
|White
|[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]
|Gym of [[Manchester High School]], [[1996]]
|[[Magi-Chan]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
|[[File:Sb6.jpg|80px]]
|Blue
|[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
|An empty room in the [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent_garbage.com Building]], Clarksville, Tennessee
|[[Wild Sonichu]]
|-
|[[File:Sb7.jpg|80px]]
|Light green
|[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
|Five miles off the Virginia coastline
|[[Bubbles Rosechu]]
|}

==Influences==

Like anything else in ''Sonichu'', the Sonichu Balls appear to be little more than a mish-mash of other people's ideas. The three most likely sources are as follows:

*Superficially, the Sonichu Balls most closely resemble Poké Balls, the red and white containers used by [[Pokémon]] Trainers to keep their Pokémon in when they're not engaged in bloodsport.
*Each Sonichu Ball is a different color, reminiscent of the [[Wikipedia:Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(series)#Chaos_Emeralds|Chaos Emeralds]], seven multicolored jewels featured in the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] video games.
*The search for the Sonichu Balls bears some resemblance to the [[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Balls]], seven orange balls which, when gathered together summon a magic dragon who grants a wish. The Dragon Balls scatter after each wish, meaning they have to be tracked down again every time they're used, which might explain why the Sonichu Balls had to be located after Clawdorf unleashed them.

==Powers==

No one knew what the hell the Sonichu Balls were supposed to do. If they're anything like the Dragon Balls, they would summon Sonichu, except he's always around anyway, so what good would that do? Dumbass.
[[Image:219-UltraSchuPose.jpg|right|thumb|200px|ULTRA SONICHU! (aka Down's Syndrome Sonichu)]]
Since they're essentially just stand-ins for the Chaos Emeralds, however, collecting them all gives Sonichu the power to transform temporarily into [[Ultra Sonichu]], Chris's long-hinted-at "super" form of [[Sonichu]]. However, there was no indication that this would happen in the series until it just kind of... did.

[[Reldnahc]] attempted to aim one of the Balls like a weapon, although he never got the chance to use it, so there's no telling what, if anything, it would have done.

For most of the series, the Sonichu Balls mostly just seem to screw people over. They turned [[Clawdorf]] to stone, glow at inappropriate times, and fling people into a "[[Time Void]]". For some reason, holding two of the Sonichu Balls caused Wild's invisibility power to konk out, and [[Blake]] got owned by a trannie because Bubbles was searching for another. It wouldn't have surprised anyone if they exploded or something once they were all in the same room. Instead they just turned Chris into slightly more of a Mary Sue.

''[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]'' shows that [[gay|holding a Ball or two]] can at least increase [[Magi-Chan]]'s psychic powers enough for him to travel reliably through time, before finally being used for presumably their true purpose as [[Chaos Emeralds|Chaos Emerald]] ripoffs: transforming Sonichu into his [[Ultra Sonichu|Super Form]]. It also allows Chris to transform into his [[Collosal Chan|hobo form]].

Another curious property of the Sonichu Balls is that they can be absorbed into a person's arms. In the time void, the two Balls Chris holds enter his arms for no obvious reason (likely, just so Chris wouldn't have to draw them regularly). Later, Wild prays to the Sonichu Balls or something, and they disappear into his arms, enabling him to use his hands. After he escapes the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] Building, he says a silly rhyme to command the Balls to rematerialize. How he knows to do any of this is — yep, you guessed it — never explained. You'd almost think Chris didn't put very much thought into this storyline.

==Appearances==
===The search begins===

The Sonichu Balls would not be mentioned again until [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], when [[Magi-Chan]] theorizes that the combined power of all seven Sonichu Balls could free [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], based on the mirror's reaction to the one Sonichu Ball in their possession.

Magi-Chan never explains how he learned of the Sonichu Balls, or how he found the one in his possession. Nevertheless, the next several episodes of the series are dedicated to the [[Electric Hedgehog]]s' quest to hunt down the other six Balls. Magi-Chan suggests the seven Chaos Emeralds as a possible alternative, but this is never explored.

Since the Sonichu Balls glow when two or more of them are in proximity to each other, Magi-Chan discovers Darkbind's two Sonichu Balls during their conference in ''Sonichu'' #6. Coincidentally, a fourth happens to be in the Kay Jewelers store in [[CWCville Mall]], which is stolen almost immediately after Magi-Chan and Darkbind's balls are first revealed.

The thieves, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and [[Black Sonichu]], use explosives in a daring daylight robbery. Reldnahc boasts that the Sonichu Ball will help him take over the world, and when Chris confronts him, he wields the Sonichu Ball as a weapon, threatening to finish Chris off. His attack is prevented by the timely ambush of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], who recovers the Sonichu Ball and gives it to Chris. For those of you keeping score, that makes four Sonichu Balls out of seven recovered within 23 pages.

===Random locations===
The search continues in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when Magi-Chan uses one of the Balls in conjunction with his psychic powers to locate the fifth ball in [[Manchester High School]], but stuck in the recent past. Together with [[Sonichu]] and Chris, Magi-Chan leads an expedition back in time to [[Sonichu chronology#1996|1996]], when the Sonichu Ball materialized and hit Chris on his head the day he created Bionic the Hedgehog. Sort of like the apple hitting Isaac Newton, only with more fail.

After successfully retrieving the Sonichu Ball, the trio return to their own time, but Chris, holding his two Balls in his hands, is flung into the [[Time Void]], apparently propelled by some unexplained energy burst from the Sonichu Balls. Magi-Chan expresses confidence that Chris can be brought back, but is uncertain as to when or how.

In the meantime, Magi-Chan continues tracking down the remaining Sonichu Balls. He detects the sixth in the [[4-cent garbage.com|4-cent garbage.com Building]] in Clarksville, Tennessee, and dispatches [[Wild|Wild Sonichu]] to retrieve it while Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] meet with [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to protest the [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris-Chan]] page. Wild sneaks into the building undetected, and discovers the Ball stored in an empty room. It is not explained how the 4-cent_garbage.com guys got a Sonichu Ball, what they intended to do with it, or even if they knew it was there at all.

The seventh Sonichu Ball is detected five miles off the [[Virginia]] coastline during [[CWCville]]'s Spring Break (which the characters observe despite none of them being in university), and Magi-Chan sends [[Bubbles]] to locate it. She recovers the Ball without incident and [[Angelica]] flies it back to CWCville Mall.

===Chris returns===

With the other five Sonichu Balls gathered in Christian's office, all that remains is for Chris himself to return from the [[Time Void]], along with the two Balls in his possession. At the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] Chris just falls out of the Time Void on his own without any incident.

===The Balls united===

After Chris spends thirty pages or so killing trolls, wasting time on plans and the like, Chris finally uses the damn things, transforming himself and Sonichu into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. Chris uses his power to just walk in and pull [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister]] out of the Mirror without fanfare. Ultra Sonichu uses his power to wake up [[Zelina Rosechu]], who replies to her predicament with "Awww." The two reunite and fly to Minnesota and [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary's]] home, where Chris invades Alec's computer, deletes the Asperpedia, steals a dating sim and blows up his [[Hex Box]]. Ultra Sonichu, however, finds Asperchu and the Sonichu and Chaotic Combo of that universe and proceeds to use "Chaotic Remedy" to rid them of their personality (which he mistakes for Asperger's syndrome). Collosal Chris-Chan arrives to much fanfare and, after a brief battle with Metal Asperchu, does not much else with his God-like powers until he eventually confronts Mary Lee Walsh. As Sonichu was clearly able to defeat her in his normal form in the previous issue, but chose not to as it was Chris's right to defeat her, there's absolutely no point in Chris wasting his super form on this fight.

Darkbind seemed somewhat concerned at first that sharing his Balls with the others would endanger his plans for them. This suggests that the Sonichu Balls can only be used once, although this doesn't matter because Crystal is freed from the mirror and Zelina is revived with just one use of the Balls.

==See also==
*[[S-Chu Ball]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Bob Chandler

2011-11-10T17:51:04Z

Torchwood: Undo revision 151588 by Cj (talk)

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]]
[[Cole|[That fuck] Bob]]
|-
| '''Born'''
| 4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]
|-
| '''Died'''
| 6 September [[2011]] (aged 84)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/4th [[Cherokee]]<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>)
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Patricia 
[[Barb]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Issue'''
| Dr. David Alan Chandler 
Carol Suzanne Chandler 
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (father) Jean Holloman (mother)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, engineer
|-
|}
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his final form]]
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]- 6 September [[2011]] <ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], and husband of [[Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "the [[Internet]] Lumberjack," comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob was still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tried to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris was unfazed by these attempts.

Bob conversed with numerous trolls. A lot of information was gained from these chats, mostly due to his tendency to yammer on.

Bob died on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in [[Wikipedia:Fort Worth, Texas|Fort Worth, Texas]]<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in [[Wikipedia:Alabama|Alabama]].<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref> His father was allegedly half Cherokee.

Bob was drafted after [[Wikipedia:World War II|World War II]] and placed in [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|the Signal Corps]]. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the [[Wikipedia:G.I. Bill|G.I. Bill]].<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto [[Wikipedia:Auburn University|Auburn University]], a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for [[Wikipedia:Western Electric|Western Electric]] for forty years. Using skills learned in the Army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]] "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by [[Wikipedia:Ralph Baer|Ralph Baer]]).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===

[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob had been interested in it since he was 10, and had become very world conscious as a believer in the [[Wikipedia:United Nations|United Nations]]. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the [[1930s]]. He had collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identified as a [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in [[Wikipedia:United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election]].<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===

[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]
[[File:Heart15.jpg|thumb|Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.]]
Bob lived on social security and his General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He never really had people to chat with (he loved to ramble if the person showed some slight interest), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse. <ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob had had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wore an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> In a recent prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs which can cause heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him. <ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the [[troll]] community is what will happen now that Bob has died.

===What about Bob?===

[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [''sic''] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]". Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Before his death, Bob was the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learned something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Congenital Heart Failure|Congenital Heart Failure]]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you." [[Image:King.jpg|thumb|"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"]]Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He was clearly neither at the time, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died, presumably from congestive heart failure.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> Luckily for Chris, he did not [[Aunt Corrina|die on pancake day]].

===BobWatch™===

On 10 August 2010, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob was.

On 19 August 2010, it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure was still [[Coffee Place|eating breakfast at Burger King]] on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that by that time [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and strongly disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris [[Calling_Out#Response_to_ADF|mentioned in a video]] that his father was no longer getting out much because he was sickly and his feet were bloated. Foot swelling is a [http://www.cardioassoc.com/patient_pgs/conditions/congestive.asp symptom of late-stage congestive heart failure.] With his mobility limited, Bob became a shut in, which only compounded his heart problems. It was a rare occurrence of Chris legitimately acknowledging his dad's health was failing and an even rarer occurrence of him genuinely knowing of any situation around him.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died. Despite all the jokes made about Chris and his family, the death of a loved one is a very tragic event. Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12-19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927-2011'''".<ref name="BobObit" />

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into unusual detail about what Bob did at General Electric. This includes an odd mention of Bob somehow being indirectly responsible for the invention of a "simple plastic funnel".
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counsels Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to donate money to Barbara and Chris. Given [[Chris and money|the money habits of Chris]] and Barb, the remaining Chandlers may be in a dire financial situation.

===Original text===
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler. <ref name="BobObit" />

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia.<ref name="BobObit" /> She's most likely the mother of his two other children, [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], with whom he was both out of contact in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops," <ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he has yet to as of 9 September 2011. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thought (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After several occasions where trolls had communicated with Bob personally and found him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it's become obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts. More likely he was criticizing Chris's behavior and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, which Chris fears and despises.

Bob had reportedly explained to him that he had taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 29 years and so Chris should be more grateful. Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Chris would run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[Chris and his ego|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seemed to share Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believed that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

He would never get past that notion, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2011.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob will not let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Lars Call

2010-11-19T15:39:21Z

Torchwood: minor bit of formatting.

[[Image:Lars.jpg|thumb|Lars, with boat]]

{{quote|The fuck that shit be??|[[Lars]], questioning on what [[autism]] is}}

The '''Lars Call''' is a ninety-minute phone conversation where Chris talks with [[Jackie]]'s [[black]] ex-boyfriend [[Lars]], discussing addictions, a parade he promised Jackie, what he would do for a woman, and boats. Chris gets comfortable with ebonics, and hilarity ensues.

==Summary==
* Jackie had an involuntary abortion thanks to Lars.
* Lars got rid of his boats, Chris gets rid of his [[Lego|Legos]].
* Lars didn't finish school because people played [[Kick the Autistic|Kick the Nigga]].
* Lars doesn't understand [[autism]], after Chris's explanation, he thought it was [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]] and [[Ultra Sonichu|Down Syndrome]].
* Chris whines about [[trolls]], not getting a [[job]], and being called a [[homo]]. Lars hears him.
* Chris doesn't like when people say "[[gay]]" [[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#Transcript|as in stupid]], Lars doesn't like when people say "nigga" out of context.
* [[Sonichu]] (didn't see that coming), Chris incorporates IRL enemies into his [[comic]]. Lars tells him to continue the comic in order to conquer the trolls.
* Lars says Jackie is upset because she isn't an inspiration for Chris to do the comic, and he sometimes doesn't do what he tells her he will.
* Chris tells Lars he's a [[virgin]], Lars says that explains his rage against the trolls.
* Chris rewrites the comic so he doesn't kill "[[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Nigga]]".
* Jackie better not burn that casserole.
* Chris promised a parade for Alec to Jackie, Chris denies it, Lars has the [[Jackie_E-mails_20|e-mail proving]] he did.
* Jackie initially broke up with Lars because he told her he'd lose the boats, and he didn't. Chris feels him. Chris is Lars's nigga.
* Chris is willing to give up [[the Moon]] and Mercury if he had it, for Jackie. He's really giving up video games, but he won't sell his "[[PS3|PS Triple]]".
* Lars spent $35,000 on six credit cards for boats. He won't let addiction rule his life anymore.
* Chris swears on the grave on his [[Aunt Corina]] he will not spend anymore on his [[PS3]] (at least it wasn't [[Patti]]).
* Lars spent 9 months as a volunteer at a hospital enjoying the sight of [[Bob|old white men]] dying.
* More bitching about trolls.
* Lars and Chris talk about their criminal records, Lars makes trespassing sound bad ass.
* Chris apparently turns into a nigga himself as about halfway in and speaks in Ebonics (off and on) the remainder of the call.
* Chris would [[Death threats|shoot]] [[Michael Snyder]] if he had the chance. Michael was just looking for a reason to [[ban]] Chris.
* Lars gives Chris a scenario of someone breaking in. Chris says he's [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and would kick their ass (only if they hit first).
* Chris likes black people on [[TV]]. Lars gets mildly offended upon hearing how Chris likes ''Sanford & Son''. They both hold up their fists in black solidarity.
* The conversation goes back to Jackie, they wonder why Jackie is mad at Chris.
* Chris claims that he will make things right.
* Lars tells Chris that his [[dick]] is four inches of straight goodness.
* Lars burned his boats because he wants Jackie back and suggested that Chris burn his PS3 to get Jackie back.
* Lars thinks he has the upper hand over Chris in the competition over Jackie. He was known as "Ram-rod" in [[High School]].
* Chris talks about his [[Cherokee]] heritage. He's not a "casino nigga" and beats the stereotype that Native Americans have jobs.
* Lars respects Chris trying to win Jackie back, while Lars is "[[Hanky-panky|ramrodding]]" her.
* Chris talks about [[The MovingFoward videos|destroying his first PS3]], Lars questions why he got a second one. Chris says he needs it as a computer. Lars asks why he didn't get a computer instead.
* Lars tells Chris to improve himself whether Jackie stays with him or not.
* Jackie can't come to the phone, she's taking a massive shit courtesy of Taco Bell.
* Chris whines that making changes is [[Autism|too hard]].
* Lars says Chris is afraid of women. Chris denies it.
* Chris [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits himself.]]
* Chris didn't have Taco Bell, he had a fish fillet for dinner.
* Lars lost his virginity at 10; he was scared.
* Lars tells Chris if he loses the PSTriple, his ass will be kicked out on the street and Jackie will be at Chris's doorstep the following day.
* Lars concludes with the fist of solidarity, he will bang Jackie when she gets out of the bathroom.
* Chris promises [[Honest]]y to Lars, he wants Jackie AND [[video games]].
* Chris likes [[Fanta|orange soda]].
* Lars didn't know what [[Wikipedia:Kenan & Kel|''Kenan & Kel'']] or Nickelodeon was, he goes to fuck Jackie.
===Stats===
* The word "nigga" is used 185 times.
* "Shit" is used 554 times.
* "Yo" is used 46 times.

==Transcript==

===You Are About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge (0:01 - 7:00)===
'''Jackie:''' [In shrill, forced enthusiasm] Oh hi Chris, it's Jackie! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' ... Oh ... Jackie ... Hi.
 '''Jackie:''' Well I got your email!-
 '''Chris:''' Well- ...... Yeah. Oh uhhh. Yep. What's a ... What's ... a ... (sounds of frantic typing) what's .. a what's ... uh your response there?
 '''Jackie:''' Um, sorry I missed your- missed you last night, I just didn't know if you'd be around! Listen, I'm going to turn you over to Lars right now, and I'll be listening. So you-
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Jackie:''' -two boys play nice, ok?
 '''Chris:''' Um, ok.
 '''Jackie:''' Lars!
 '''Lars:''' YO! BITCH WHERE MAH DINNER AT?!
 '''Chris:''' ... hmm, hello?
 '''Lars:''' Yo!, yo-yo-yo. Who dis at?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg?
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo who did-did? Yo this be Lars and shit, who dis?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, this is Christian.
 '''Lars:''' Yo! yo, Christian C. How y'all doin' dawg?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm-fu- I'm fairing out. How are you?
 '''Lars:''' Doin' alright nigga. Shit. Yo I'll be honest with y'all dawg. I ain't wanna do this call and shit at first, y'know? You diggin' and shit? Bet y'all prolly felt the same way, and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' But then my-m, my girl Jackie, she be all like: ''Bitch, you best be doin' this call! Lest I'll be all breakin' up you with y'all and shit.'' So I be like doin' the call and shit.
 '''Chris:''' ...
 '''Lars:''' Yo dawg-
 '''Chris:''' ... Ye-
 '''Lars:''' -what you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, well, uh... yeah for uh... well, for one thing, well, I know what you put- what you did do to Jackie a while back, you spike- you spiked her coffee and killed the unborn child.
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo yo yo, dog, yo dog. That my bad and shit, yeah. I'll own up to that shit, sure, shiiit. That's in the past and shit, dog. I own up to that shit, and that's in the past. And I own up to that shit. Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Okay- okay, but how did you own up to that?
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, what you talkin' 'bout? I ain't do that shit no more. I made that shit up. Yo dog, what you talkin' 'bout? Shit be long gone, water over the bridge and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the fact remains that she was pregnant with your child, then she lost it.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, all got- I ain't ready to be no baby daddy and shit. Shit, yo, nigga get scared and shit, fuck. Y'all know what that be like and shit. Y'all ain't be no a-dult and shit, you know? Ain't ready to take on no a-dult responsiblities. Fuck. I done pull a lot of bashin' (?) and shit for that baby, I tell ya what.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I done regret it and shit. You know? Shit happens. Shit be in the past, though and shit. I'm a new nigga, now. You dig, you feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, so I be burn no baby no baby fetus no more neither. I'm ready for baby now. I got a job and shit, I got rid of my stupid boats and shit too, damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I heard you burned those boats.
 '''Lars:''' Got rid of all of them boats. Not just my boats, neither. Got rid of boats, got rid of my expansion pass for boats, got rid of my paint kits for them boats, shit you know dog, I be goin' through my closet and shit, I got paint kit for boats I ain't even own, nigga. Man, sometimes a nigga just face his life and shit, when he ain't facin' it, he ain't realize what he got, 'til it's gone. Be like the song, and shit. You gots to get rid of all that shit, you feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I got boats in the closet, boats in the yard, boats in the living room, boats in the lawn, boats in my driveway and shit. Boats on the roof and shit. Shit be takin' over my house. Like a bad habit and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, y'all got- y'all got any nasty habits and shit there Chris?
 '''Chris:''' N-nasty habits?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, you know, any boats and shit? Model planes, and trains, and automobiles maybe? Anything that be weighing you down and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah-
 '''Lars:''' We all got our demons and shit. You must got somethin', lay it on me, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Oh... okay, well I did have a whole city made out of Legos that I tore- I des- pretty much tore it down, and-
 '''Lars:''' Huh, y'all done got a city of Legos and shit? Man, I feel you, that's gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How much 'fetti y'all get for all them Legos, how much money you get?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, nah I didn't get very- I didn't give no- I didn't get much money from... I did- there just a whole bunch- a whole bunch of pieces of bricks and whatnot and people are already on their way and most children already have their own bunches of Legos, and they're like they don't need it any more to call up their house and all that.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, I feel you. Take them Legos to the bank, get some Lego bills and shit. Man, I just took $30 worth of nickels to the bank this mornin'. Got myself some bills, I did. Jackson and a Hamilton and shit, goin' to Popeyes Chicken with that shit. Bet you feel that, right dog? Y'all ever been to Popeye's and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, no I cannot say I have sampled Popeyes-
 '''Lars:''' Dog, oh dog you missin' out, missin' out. Damn good chicken and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm sure it is, I have heard good things about Popeyes.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight a'ight a'ight, you feel me, you feel me, and I feel you and shit. Damn, nigga. Yo, yo, I be digressin' and shit, we gettin' off topic. We be talkin' 'bout yours and mines nasty habits and shit, what else do you got, dog? Lay it on me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' I feel all righteous and shit, gettin' rid of all my boats, feel like a new nigga and shit. Feel like a whole new day be startin' for me. You ever have a feelin' like that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I have felt that way before.
 '''Lars:''' Tell me all about it, dog.

=== Slow Times at Machester High (7:00 - 12:30)===
'''Chris:''' Well pretty much felt like- felt like a big time star and all that when I had a good number of friends back in high school. But then I had- then I graduated and had to leave Chesterfield County where I was going to high school and move back Ruckersville. And then it just, pretty much went downhill for me, and I didn't have too many friends
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog, I hear high school be fun and shit. Oh no, dropped out halfway through 7th grade and shit. That's a cross I had to bear and shit. Dayum.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Been tryin' to go to high school and shit, ain't no niggas in the school system be wantin' no nigga up in their classroom. They be playin' "Kick the Nigga" and shit. Shit ain't gangsta, they be straight bustas and shit. Fuckin' niggas. Y'all know 'bout getting tormented and shit, ain't you? Tormented for your differences and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got pretty much tormented for my autism and considerable slow-mindedness, that has happened to me before.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, dog, au-austiss- wait, the fuck that shit be? D- au...
 '''Chris:''' Autism, it's a- uh, it's a slowness in the mind where, it just, uh, it basically inhibits social functions. Y'know, being able to socialize as well as normal people. You can look it up on Wikipedia.
 '''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be a slow-in-the-mind and shit, then, huh? Like that Down Syndrome and shit. My cousin got that shit. Ain't got no neck and shit. Fuckin' shit, nigga can't fit no shirts.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, well, it's not uh- it is not Down Syssdrome, it's way different from Down Syndrome, just look it up on Wikipedia, and it's A-U-T-I-S-M.
 '''Lars:''' Be more like that Aspergers and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Um...
 '''Lars:''' I ain't know anyone with that Aspergers, I hear that's some shit. They be all up in them trains and shit. Maybe I should get tested for that shit, I have my boats and shit. I probably grew out of it though, got rid my boats, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So you got them Aspergers and shit, all right dog- all right. I hear you, I feel you. I feel you, yo, we all got our- we all got our differences, we all gots our liabilities.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What else you got dog? Yo dog, you- you seem like a nice nigga and shit. Man, I ain't think this call gonna be pleaseant and shit, but so far we be doin' good. I ain't know why Jackie be comin' back to me and shit, when she got you. Says she ain't happy with you though. Why we gotta be talkin'? Why Jackie havin' us do this shit? She ain't explain nothing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, she’s, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Man, yo, I love the bitch and shit, sometimes she treat me like a fuckin’ house nigga. Shit, won’t-bitch won’t tell me nothin’.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear you. My-my mom-it happens between my mom and dad. It’s, uh, lack of communication and-yeah, shit like that.
 '''Lars:''' Feel that, feel that. Fifty percent of marriages in this country lead to divorce because of that shit. Now, I’m a black man, so I’m naturally afraid of marriage and shit, so that probably ain’t gonna affect me and Jackie. But still, shit ain’t right. Shit ain’t gangsta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I hear-
 '''Lars:''' Shit ain’t cornbread.
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' So why Jackie be not happy with you and shit? I mean, y’all know why Jackie wasn’t happy with me. I wanna know why Jackie ain’t happy with you. We got-we got’s to bond like true niggas.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well, uh, she and I, uh, we’ve had our, uh, our fights as well, but, uh, with my computer went, uh, went all on the fritz and I wasn’t able to get back out-to get back on, and it’s like, I can’t afford to get a new computer right now to, uh, replace-a new computer tower, and, uh, and we-and we haven’t been able to talk to each other through, uh, AIM and, uh, she’s kinda felt neglected on that. And, uh, also she requested me to upload-to make and upload videos to Youtube for her, which I have done, and, uh-
 '''Lars:''' A’ight, a’ight, I know about them videos and shit. I’ve been watching that shit. Man, I’ve been wondering what that shit all about, then I find out Jackie been asking y’all to do shit. Yo yo yo yo dawg, let me ask you a question and shit, though. Yo-
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Lars:''' You been doing these-You been doing these videos and shit. Why she be mad and shit? You be doing what she asks, right? You be doing everything-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' -she asks?
 (pause)
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Somethin’ about some comic she was bitchin’ about the other day. I was like, “Bitch! Go make me my fuckin’ steak dinner, bitch!” But she just keep railing on about that fuckin’ comic video. I watched that comic video, you scribbled some shit, maybe ‘cause you ain’t colorin’ shit, I don’t know.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, uh-
 '''Lars:''' Jackie-Jackie like them colors. Yo, hell, I ain’t got to tell you she like colors. She like me. That’s all the color she needs. I guess she wanted more color from you, though.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well I mean, I recorded that video, I hadn't had a chance to color it in yet, but I had planned to color it in after that, and uh, and th- and I'll be taking the, uh video file and uploading to youtube at the, uh, library. I just haven't been able to get out in my car lately.

===Turf Wars (12:30 - 16:00)===
'''Lars:''' I heard it be somethin' 'bout you pickin' fights with- with artisans and shit, other cartoonists? You be like, trollin' and shit. Startin' gang wars and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Turf wars? I come from the streets, I know what turf war be all about.
 '''Chris:''' Eh.
 '''Lars:''' Shit. Ain't no winners in that game. Everybody lose.
 (Pause)
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's uh, not really a turf war, it's- ah, but I guess it can be considered like that. It's a- I have- I have been havin' my fights and bouts against a- like, a internet bullies, and cyber bullies. Trolls.
 '''Lars:''' What is-
 '''Chris:''' (interjecting) They just, uh- they just, uh- think they're breaking uh- I became like, a internet celebr- internet c-celebrity with my, uh, crea- my uh, my genius of my comic, in my comics and what not. So yeah, they uh, just essentially torture me. They, uh- They- they- they- like, they- uh, really weigh me down. And plus, they, uh- like, called my, like, got my, they got overtime from between the hackings and they uh, pretend to be other people, and- and uh, and all that damn shit. It's, they uh- get a whole bunch of, uh [unintelligible]
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog. I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' They get a whole bunch of footage from me and they just twist it and turn it the wrong way and just make my-and they just smear my once good name in the mud. Makes it very hard for me to get a job of my own with the background checks. Then-and they pretty much Google my-Google my name and all you get was, uh-all you get’s pretty much, other than the first, and their sole results is, uh, damn CWCki and uh, damn Encyclopedia Dramatica and that’s just a whole bunch of weigh-me-downs-
 '''Lars:''' I feel ya, I feel ya.
 '''Chris:''' (unintelligible) –bad about me.
 '''Lars:''' That fuckin’ man hold a nigga down. Shit, I’ve been living that shit, whole life and shit. Damn. Fuckin’ niggas tryin’ to hold a nigga down. Yo yo, yo-
 '''Chris:''' You know, Lars-
 '''Lars:''' Yo yo yo, let m-oh, no no, you go ahead, dawg. You go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Okay-
 '''Lars:''' You go on with your righteous self.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, they also misla-they also mislabel me as a homosexual when I am a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Homosexual and shit? Damn. Like a- (unintelligible)
 '''Chris:''' (unintelligible)
 '''Lars:''' That what they say?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they be calling me- yeah, they be calling me gay. But I'm a- but I'm a straight man.
 '''Lars:''' Man, I know these niggas. Y'all like, they be all like men who have sex with men an' shit? They call themselves gay, but I'm like nigga', you be gay if you be having sex with men. I mean, what that shit about? Fuckin' gay niggas, ain't wanna admit they gay. You know that gay shit, though, I think it's that, that macho shit. Ain't no black man want to admit to being a gay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Dawg.
 '''Chris:''' (Unintelligible) Yeah, yeah plus you know what also, you know along those lines what really ticks me off is when they-when they use the word "gay" when the word means "stupid" or "retarded."
 '''Lars:''' Shit. All be like when niggas be using the word nigga an' shit. That be our word and shit, ain't no one got the right to use that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You know how that feels 'an shit, it hurts me. Right here. Right fucking here.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be tappin' my chest, where my heart muscle is? You can't see it 'cause we on the phone, but that's what I be doin'. To enunciate my point. So.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' What you sayin' is, when people call you gay, that be hurting you the same way, 'cause gay be like your word. Just like nigga be like my word an' shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Essentially, yeah, I know.

===The Alec Bason Nigga Parade (16:00 - 26:43)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo, dog, dog. Let me, let me go back, let me ax you. Ya'll say you be drawin' comics and shit, what kind of comics you draw, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ugh, it's uh, from a idea I had. Uh, in a nutshell it's essentially combining Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu. Called him, uh, Sonichu. And that's all--he's like this, he actually goes on the adventures and whatnot, similar to Sonic the Hedgehog in one, he's got like electric powers and he can run fast and everything. They, and he hangs around, he hangs around, goes out with his girlfriend and uh, yeah, eventually they get married and uh, they have children.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, be like Archie comics and shit. Y'know, I always though Archie be gay an' shit. Fuckin' Archie.
 '''Chris:''' N-no --
 '''Lars:''' Archie Bunker with his negativity, fuckin' callin' people nigger. Gooks. Swanks. Wanks. Negros. All of his jughead remarks, shit. Fuckin Archie. That be like what your comic is like, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean essentially, that would be what it would've been, but then I, then that, I kind of like lost track of when the trolls, the uh, the trolls, the typos, and then they weighed me, they weighed me down. And then they, then you know the expression, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Well, they used to get on my mind so much that they get, then I end up drawing them into my comic books, making them into villains, and yadda-yadda-yadda. They just, they just...and they just essentially just worsened my... most of my books. And then--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered adulterous. Even some, even some--
 '''Lars:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Even some--
 '''Lars:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Even some naked things I had but I, I just up and did. You know.
 '''Lars:''' You ain't be drawing your comic because these, 'cause these white niggas what be hatin' on your work. They be drinkin' all that Haterade. That why you ain't be drawing. I see.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Aw shit, dog! That be why Jackie asked you to do the comic and shit! Shit, it all falls together now, the last puzzle piece in place. Cracka, you know if you stop that it means they win, right? Ya'll gots to get up on that comic and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I real, yeah, I really do need to get back to drawing more, drawing more p, drawing more comics and pages. But I just haven't been able to find the inspiration. They weighed me down so bad they just affe, they just affected (?) me in the back of my mind and my subconscious.
 '''Lars:''' 'Em dog Jackie be telling me she thought she'd be your inspiration and shit. Ain't that the case and shit? What be goin' on then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she, yeah, she did--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be all like....Jackie be all like "Aw shit, nigga!" That's what she said to me, she said "Aw shit, nigga! Why ain't Chris be drawin' no comic for me? Ain't I no inspiration and shit? Dayum!" And I'll be like "Damn, bitch! Go make me my steak dinner!" Bitch be ballin' and shit. Fuckin' smack a ho...shit keeps up. Why you ain't draw the comic and shit for her?
 '''Chris:''' Y, y, you can't, you can't exactly rush inspir, you can't exactly rush inspiration, for...uh...for one thing.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo! But ain't, ain't my bitch Jackie, ain't she give you the story and shit for this comic vidya?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she gave me the idea of, like uh, for uh, for the, for uh, one dude who originally was definitely not original part of the comic scene, but then he did his parody against me, and uh, in his comic he portrayed killing me and, they're like getting to war (?) go against me and uh, even, even agreeing with this, even agreeing with this guy who pretends, who uh, pretends to be me and...(sigh). Just more, whole bunch of more shit right there. Anyway, what, anyway what she wanted me to throw him a--she wanted me to throw like a parade in a, in a, in a...in the comic, in my comic scene. And you know, like, you know, I mean he did what he did to me in his comics and I took it literally. It's like, you know, he fuckin', he fuckin' just shot, he fuckin' just, a whole bunch of bullet wounds in one go on my, on my, on myself. And I ain't gonna throw him a parade on that, on that, on that scene and whatnot.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, I feel you angry an' shit, dog, I feel you furious an' shit. You furious at this nigga. An' I feel it. You know, dog--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be talkin' to me. Jackie be sayin', ain't the problem that you hate this nigga. Problem be, that you lie to her and tell her you gonna do it when you ain't mean to. What up with that, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause.)'' Well, I have told her that I was eh--I would not be giving him a parade but she just insisted on that and she just, uh, and I would, I would say that she just, kind of like, got in her mind that, she thought that was that--I was definitely going to do that, even though--
 '''Lars:''' My shoulder, Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Told her--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, yo, yo dog, yo dog, my shoulder, Jackie. She be all like, she email you and ax you to do this video an' shit, an' then you email her back and say, "Yeah bitch, ain't no problem an' shit, I'll be doin' that." Ya'll ain't made no, no...no prov-ver-acations an' shit. Ya'll ain't made no provesations.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well, I mean that,, I told her i would, that i would draw her the pages, but I did not tell her that i was going to throw him- throw him a parade in the pages because I [???] was not giving him a fucking parade.
 '''Lars:''' She said she wanted a parade an' shit, and then you write back saying you were gonna do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' I mean I feel her anger. I feel her righteousness and shit. Liar on a mission, still be a fuckin' liar and shit. Ya'll dig, dog?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man, y'all got anger and shit, and I feel that. I feel that, I really do and shit nigga, but y'all got to stand up to yo' woman and shit, damn! Woman be tellin' you to do shit, y'all ain't just be lyin' to her. You gots a problem wit' yo' woman, you ain't lie to her, then all you got's two problems. Ya dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, what was that?
 '''Lars:''' How often you get laid? ''Pussy.''
 '''Chris:''' How often--
 '''Lars:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' How often do I get laid?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, when the last time you cut some trim and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Hm... I'm actually a virgin.
 '''Lars:''' Aw, shit, dog. Explains that anger and shit. This be why you angry at them trolls.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, among other things.
 '''Lars:''' Shit dog, see-- See dog, you be lyin' to women and shit, they ain't like that. Man, you ain't wanna do what no woman tells you to do, you just tell her straight up to her face. Then you have her go make you a steak dinner and shit. But you ain't lie to her and shit. Shit ain't gangsta. Shit be straight busta.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did tell her straight-- I did tell her straight up that I was not gonna be throwing that-- I was not gonna be throwin' him a fuckin' parade. I was not gonna draw him in a parade.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over each other)'' Yo dog, I be looking at printouts and shit. Y'all know us niggas don't be doin' too well on the Internet, Jackie be printin' out printouts and shit for me. Yo I be lookin' at printouts and shit. And...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' In the email, she said, "Hey Chris, why don't y'all do that parade video for that, Alec... Alec Bason... Nigga, whatever his name is. Alec Bason Nigga. And then you say, "Sure Jackie, I'll be on that shit!" Y'all ain't make not protestations. why ain't y'all say nothing then?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. Well--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all said you gonna do it. Ya'll not mean to do it. You feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, tommorow, to let you know, uh-- This, it was essentially, in the replacement pages where I do not, uh, end up, I do not end up giving Alec a gory-- and his crew, a gory demise, like I did originally. ''(Pause)'' I did not--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, bitch Jackie said to throw this nigga a parade. You say "a'ight, I'm a do that." Then you didn't. ''(Pause)'' You be lyin' to women and shit often, dog? This be why you still a virgin and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)''
 '''Lars:''' Smellin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' No-- No, it's... ''(Sigh)'' Well... Wait a minute, ''(Sigh)'' My brain-- I gotta catch up my brain, here. Mm.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight. I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Long pause; some grunting heard while Chris catches up his brain)''
 '''Lars:''' ''(At Jackie:)'' Yo bitch don't burn that casserole! Fuckin' bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' Hold-- Hold on.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, you still there?
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Yeah dog, I be here. I be wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well. Well, I do not mean to, I did not mean to lie to her, but I did tell her straight up that I did not-- That I had no intention of throwing that... Of throwing that dude a parade.
 '''Lars:''' Nah dog, I be lookin' at the emails, she said to throw him a parade, you say you gonna do it. You ain't say "I ain't throwin' a parade."
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah well I told-- Yeah I mean I told her I did not wanna throw him- throw him- throw him a parade.
 '''Lars:''' When you tell her this shit, I ain't see this shit. When you tell her you ain't throwin' a parade? I need some help and shit, dog, I ain't feelin' where you at.
 '''Chris:''' Well, maybe uh...
 '''Lars:''' Gots ourselves a... discommunication.
 '''Chris:''' I-- Yeah... I think it was discommunication.
 '''Lars:''' No I mean between us and shit dog, I ain't feeling where you at. 'Cause I see the emails and shit, she say throw a parade for the nigga. You say a'ight. But you ain't mean a'ight.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I said-- Well I said alright in drawing the replacement pages.
 '''Lars:''' You said a'ight to the whole email though.
 '''Chris:''' But I did not--
 '''Lars:''' You ain't pick out bits and pieces, and say yes to this, and no to that. That's why I'm-- I be confused, I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah uh--

===Fueling the Fire (26:43 - 28:30)===
'''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, let me relate a cautionary tale an' shit. Shit, shit happened way back in Jackie an' I first relationship and shit. Man, bitch be all like, "Lars, you best be gettin' rid of them boats, lest I bounce and shit," and I be like, "A'ight, a'ight dog, I'll be gettin' ridda my boats and shit, shorty. Shit, you'll see and shit. Damn!" Then the bitch was like, "A'ight, you be gettin' rid of them boats, I don't wanna see no boats here in 48 hours." I'll be like, "A'ight." I ain't mean to get ridda them boats. I just went out and bought mo' boats. Shit, bitch was all like, "Lars, you need to lose boats. Y'all be like, addicted and shit. You need to stop buyin' boats and shit." I be like, "A'ight" every fuckin' time. Every fuckin' time. I just payin' the bitch lip service and shit. Soon enough, whole fuckin' house fulla boats and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I ain't ever mean to get ridda them boats, I just keep buyin' more boats. Y'all ever had anything like that shit? Someone want you to get ridda somethin', you say "a'ight"? Then you don't, and you just keep gettin' more? Fuckin' addiction, and shit. Fueling the fire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Be like slavery, fueling them flames of injustice and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Once you got that shit, can't stamp it out, and shit. Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all feel me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you. Hm. Alright well--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Alright well, anyway--
 '''Lars:''' Who my nigga? Whoa, whoa, dog. Who my nigga? Ya'll be my nigga, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Y'all be my nigga? Say it, dog. Say you my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Alright... I'll be yo nigga.

===Never Gonna Give You Up (28:30 - 34:25)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeit. Dog be righteous and shit, up in here. Be all gangsta and shit. Nigga I ain't expect this shit, y'all an me. We be homies and shit. Damn. I ain't know why Jackie wanna get rid a yo ass. That's what I'm tryin'a find out an' shit. 'Cause I'm confuzzled. Might be this lyin' and shit, maybe that be why she all mad at you an' shit. Might be somethin' else, I dunno. Anything else? What's goin' on there? ''(Pause)'' How much y'all love Jackie and shit?
 '''Chris:''' How mu- I- I love- I love- I care and love Jackie a lot.
 '''Lars:''' How much? How much-- you love her more than what? Put it into quantintative terms and shit. ''(Pause)'' I'll be like--
 '''Chris:''' Well--
 '''Lars:''' I'll be like-- Every night, I be like, "Jackie, I love yo ass more'n the moon an' shit. I would throw away the moon an' shit, Death Star that shit! Fuck. Ain't need to tides an' shit. All I need's my Jackie." Feelin' me? Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What'd y'all give up for that bitch?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well I mean, I'll give up- I mean I would give up most anything for... for Jackie and me to be together.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, she ever ask... ax you to be givin' up shit for her? ''(Pause)'' She ask me to give away my boats and shit. I be all like, refusin' an' shit, first time around. Shit be what burned our relationship. That and the whole fetus thing. Shit. Bitch ain't never gonna let me live that shit down. Be all harpin' on me, every time she serve me dinner and shit. Suckin' my dick, all I hear be like ''(Does impression of Jackie's dick-muffled voice)'' "Lars, why you kill my baby?" Fuckin' bitch. Yo, dog, I be digressin' and shit. Y'all my nigga, y'all gots to be cuttin' me off when I do that. Ten to wax philosophical and shit. My bad. My bad. Let's go back to that question and shit. What y'all givin' up for Jackie? ''(Pause)'' Thinka she like Lent and shit, what you givin' up?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, If I had the moon I would give that up for her as well.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. Be all... poetical. Metaphorical and shit. Poetaphorical. Shit be romance, all Hallmark greetin' cards and shit. Bitches love that. Bitches be slobberin' all up on yo balls and dick when they hear that shit. Damn! ''(Pause)'' Practical terms, though, what y'all givin up for her? Like, like the metaphorical, I be givin' up the moon for the bitch. I ain't own the moon and shit. I ain't got no Death Star. Ain't no Empire gonna let no nigga in charge of a Death Star an' shit. Even that biggest galaxy nigga in the world, Darth Vader and shit, turned out to be pasty fuckin' white dude underneath. Shit. Lando Calrissian, fuckin' Uncle Tom and shit. Sellin' out a nigga to the Empire.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' What y'all givin' up? I gave up my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I actually, uh...
 '''Lars:''' I burned them boats!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Ashes to ashes. Swords to plowsheds and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I tell you what, I'd be givin' up, uh... all other- I be givin' up, uh... The planet- The, uh planet closest to the Sun for Jackie. Mercury.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, nigga. Ain't that shit be all dwarf planet and shit now? They be cuttin' three inches off that planet's dick an' shit? Heard that shit back in 2006. Fuck.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're thinkin' about- You're thinkin' of Pluto, the planet that is ''farthest'' away from the Sun, this is the planet ''closest'' to the Sun.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I see. I see. Yeah, Space be black an' shit, but don't let that confuzzle you an' shit. Ain't no nigga goin' up in Space, I tell ya what. Fuckin'--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Man gonna keep a nigga down. Keep a nigga on the ground. Keep a nigga from flyin'. Keep a nigga from tryin'. Sheeeit. Got my finger on the trigger, niggas wonder why. Livin' in the city, it's do or die, nigga. Y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' I know y'all feel me, y'all be my nigga an' shit. Who my nigga? Who my nigga, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I'm yo nigga.
 '''Lars:''' You're my nigga, dog. You're my nigga. A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, I feel you. Let's go back to the metaphorical, metafusical, question of the evening. Y'all be givin' up Mercury?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be givin up the Moon? Y'all be givin' up Ceres (?) and shit? Fuckin' Nix and Hydra (?), goddamn bullshit little moons. What else y'all givin' up? What practicalities and... reala-tala-calaties be you givin' up and shit? In the here and now, what be down here ain't no planet. What y'all givin' up for the bitch? ''(Pause)'' I would give up the Moon, and shit, and I'll give away Ceres, and Proximus (?) and Tori (?) and all that shit, but down here on the planet Earth, I be givin' away my boats and shit. Burnin' that shit. Put it to ash. Put them ashes on the mantle. Up on my fireplace and shit. Ain't got no ashes of my daddy, my daddy be fleein' me when I was a baby and shit. Ain't no black man can raise a baby, they all flee. So I ain't got my daddy's ashes. That ain't where he is. Y'all be my daddy for all I know. Shit. ''Man'', I be waxin' off again! You ever just wax off like that? Shit. Once you start, ya just can't stop. 'Til you pop. Fuckin' bullshit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Anyway dog, I be takin' up all the air time-- The word time, dawg, you gots ta lay it down for me, what y'all givin' up for Jackie? I'll be shuttin' up now, I'll be shuttin' up now, y'all see your piece, y'all be righteous.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, the uh, the rea- In the reality...
 '''Lars:''' Right, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'd be giving up my... video game time.

===The PS Triple Investment (34:25 - 48:15)===
'''Lars:''' Oh, y'all be gettin' rid a them vidya games and shit. Eh?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I got rid of the, I got rid of a lot of video games I've been hoarding over the years.
 '''Lars:''' That PS Triple an' shit? Damn. Shit be like 800 dollars and shit, right? Shit be like a money sink. I feel ya dog, be good you be gettin' ridda that shit. How much 'fetti you get for that shit? Y'sell that shit off. yeah?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stressful Pause)'' No, I have not, no-- I have not sold my... Playstation 3. And it ha-- and I have invested a lot ''into'' it. Ever since I had it.
 '''Lars:''' Invested and shit? Y'all be like playin' stocks and shit? What y'all talkin' 'bout, "investin'"?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's just, you know... I downloaded a lot of stuff. On to it.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, I be downloadin' a lotta boats and shit, too. Ain't see me keepin' no boats around, I be burnin' all my boats. Ain't no investment, be a curse and shit. Like a black hole. That be one a them astronomical things. Think Pluto gonna turn into a black hole 'cause it pissed off about bein' a dwarf planet. Pluto be like, like a giant boat. Filled with (?) paint kits and shit. All that money.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be givin' up them vidya games. Whoa-whoa-wait, wait, nigga. Nigga, nigga, nigga, my nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all say you givin' up them vidya games, but y'all got no-- Y'all got the PS Triple and shit, still.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's another thing, I--
 '''Lars:''' I be confuzzled.
 '''Chris:''' That's another thing that, uh, kinda ticks me- It kinda ticks me off a bit, uh, I do not-- I do not like it when... When uh, when the trolls, have been- You know, they pretty much seem to have started the trend of calling the Playstation 3 a... "PS Triple". And I just do not- I just- That just rubs me the wrong way, man.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, dog. Why y'all ain't like that and shit? Just be a box fulla toys and shit, why y'all be defendin' the name and shit? I mean I feel ya, wantin' to defend the name, defend the honor, defend the honor of a honest woman and shit? Man, I be all up on that shit. Wanna be up that poon tang, you gotta be defendin' that honor and shit. Man, like my bitch, little Cubby, he be sayin' "Bitch, yo bitch be all bitch and shit,"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' I be like, "I'm a pop yo ass."
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be standin'-- I be standin' up for... I be standin' up for my woman too, you know, I defendin' her from any- from anybody that comes upon her. Yeah, look--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be defendin' your PS Triple like it be a woman and shit? I be confuzzled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' The PS... The PS Triple no woman, it just, it's just a... dang material possession. And the-- and, and uh, and Jackie being the wonderful woman she is, and the wonderful person, very s-- best person there is, you know... She's a lot more important than a dang ol' video game console. ''(Pause)'' But still, you know, after I invested a whole lot in there over the- over that- over that... my time I had it, it's like you know, I ain't gonna get that back and I'm certainly not gonna be able to get ''[indecipherable]'' for it. Face value.
 '''Lars:''' Ain't y'all gonna get Jackie and shit though? Ain't Jackie be worth more than a PS Triple and shit? Jackie cook a mean steak dinner and shit. All the fixins. Throw some grits on there. Some Starburst. Little grape soda on the side. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
 '''Chris:''' Yep. I tell ya, If I can't, uh, If I can't sell my PS Triple, I tell ya something else, I tell you, another thing I would definitely get rid of for Jackie, I'd get rid of a whole bunch of the, uh... Transformers I got.
 '''Lars:''' Why can't y'all get ridda that PS Triple though, dog? I-- I ain't be feelin' it, I ain't be understandin' and shit. Y'all got my mind twisted and turned, with these phrases. I know y'all ain't mean it and shit, but I ain't be feelin' it. I need y'all help, dog. I be slow and shit, I ain't be figuring it out. Why ain't y'all give up that PS Triple and shit, dog? Worked hook, line and sinker with my boats.
 '''Chris:''' I downl-- Listen, I downloaded over 4000 dollars worth of content and... at face value it's not gonna get me back 4000 dollars.
 '''Lars:''' Shiiit, dog! Ain't about the money and shit. Shit be about gettin' rid of addictions and shit. Y'know I how much I drop on boats and shit? Forty-five thousand dollars! I got like, six credit cards for that shit. Y'know how hard it is for a black man to get one credit card, I got six! Six, nigga. That's how dedicated I was to them fuckin' boats. That's how-- them boats was my life, nigga. Them boats was my life! Sheeit. But I burned them boats, ain't get no money for that shit. That money be ''gone'', nigga. I got debts to pay off and shit. But I be an honest nigga now. I ain't lettin' no addiction control me. Why you ain't get rid a that PS Triple? I be feelin' Jackie, like, that's what she want.
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I-- Lemme just- Just let me talk, here.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all go ahead, dog. I'm listenin'.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Listen, I do not, I would not need to sell the console in order for me to not spend any more. I just- will just swear upon-- Upon my Aunt Corrina's grave. On that, and uh, my fam- On the life of myself and my mom and my dad. Everybody in my family. And I will just not- I will not spend... Any-- I will just not spend any more-- ''[Audio gets fucked up here while Chris continues lying]'' --downloading for the P--
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, I hear ya.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Audio still messed up]''
 '''Lars:''' Ain't Jackie ask you to do that a while ago and shit? Ain't Jackie ask you to not spend on that a while ago, ain't that what she said? That what she be tellin' me. Ain't y'all still be spendin' and shit though?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, as a nigga that seen the worst of addictions, I gotta level wit' you, bro. Just ain't work that way, dog. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all go ahead, dog, y'all go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Look, I mean, it just- it just had to be, uh... one that I would have- I would have to able- I just would have to be able to show it to her in person, you know. I treat- I treat her right. I would treat her right in person, and I would not be th-- My money would be going all to- All towards her, and... Not on anything new that goes on the, uh, PS Triple.
 '''Lars:''' So you ain't been buyin' games for, like... How long, Jackie ask you that shit like... Months ago, and shit, right? You ain't been buying no games for all that time?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' I ain't been-- I ain't buying no game for about a month. Buying no new games.
 '''Lars:''' "About a month"?
 '''Chris:''' Ain't gonna... Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' This... This be any games and shit, this be just that... That, what the fuck, Jackie-- ''(Yells at Jackie)'' Yo bitch, what you call that? That... "PSN" shit? Fuckin'... what that stand for, "PS Nigga" and shit? Sheeeit. Gonna be a lawsuit up there at Sony, with this bitch. Y'all be spendin' money just on that? You don't be buying games at the... CostCo and shit? Buyin' them hard copies? ''(Pause)'' Don't lie to me, dog, don't lie to me.
 '''Chris:''' A bunch- a bunch--
 '''Lars:''' Dog, you be my nigga an' shit? You be my nigga?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You be my nigga an' shit, don't be lyin' to me. Bros before hos, dog. We be tight, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' You be feelin', I be touchin'.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I ain't lyin'-- I ain't lyin' to you. It's essentially, you know, the stuff I download from the PSN, there's no... uh, it-- And the "N", by the way, it stands for "Network", "PlayStation Network".
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' But anyway, it's stuff that mostly-- Stuff, mostly stuff that you just cannot f-- You just cannot get on hard copy. There's no hard copy for mosta the stuff they got on there.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all still be buyin' shit. Y'all still be buyin' games on PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah, y-- Yeah, but, yeah it's like, uh- It's like, uh, world wide web, it's like, Internet thing, it's like... Alright. You-- You know of iTunes, right?
 '''Lars:''' "Internet"? Like the white folks' street corner and shit, yo dog I feel you. iTunes and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes, it--
 '''Lars:''' Be more like ''WhiteTunes'', with all that white color.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, iTunes or Rhapsody or Napster. Well, point is, you know, it's... It's uh, you know--
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be spendin' money and shit on this PSN.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' But ain't Jackie not want you to be doin' that shit though?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will- And I promise her that I would not do that, and I have not been... doing that. ''(Pause)'' For about a month now.
 '''Lars:''' Bitch be tellin' me she up on that PS Nigga, she be lookin' at y'all... Y'all Facebook on that nigga. Shit, I ain't know. I ain't know this Internet shit. Internet be like Space, ain't no nigga gonna up on that Internet neither. Fuckin' Man keepin' us down. Anyway... sheeit. Bitch be tellin' me she all up on that PS Nigga and she check your... Your trophies, and your accolades, and shit. Nigga be gettin' all new trophies for new games and shit, all through the month.
 '''Chris:''' Actually those were new trophies for games I had already-- I already owned.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all be... Y'all be havin' game you ain't played for months, but you still buyin' shit? I feel that, I feel that, I was like that with my boats and shit, I be buyin' boats... I ain't even take 'em in the tub for... six months and shit. Nigga like his bubble bath with boats, no? Some times I have my favorite boats, sometimes I have my less favorite boats, sometimes I have my not favorite boats at all, nigga. I ain't even like them boats. So you and me, we be in the same boat and shit, y'feel me? ''Sheeeeeeeeeeit.'' Dawg, we be tight and shit. Y'all be up in my grill and shit. Y'all be... up in my 'fetti. ''(Awkward Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' I hear that.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, a'ight, let me ax you then.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Lars:''' So Jackie, she be all bitchin' at you, she be all like, "Chris, I know you ain't be buyin' no boats, and... PSN nigga boats, and... PS Nigga games", and... she ain't want you buyin' none a that shit. A'ight? But then you go... you still gonna be playin' this shit. Yo bitch be all like, ain't want you, ain't want you playin' wit' yo boats and shit, yo PS boats. Shit be all addictive and shit, ya feel?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah.... You have to forgive me for... things there, you kinda talk a little fast, and I'm just tryin' to-- Just wanna make sure I'm able to understand you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight. You take your time and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, we cool.
 '''Lars:''' Brovaries before ovaries, and shit. We cool. You take your time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You take your sweet time. ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah bu--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all thinka that? You need a clarification, and shit? A bifurcation? Y'all got, y'all be feelin' me, y'all be feelin my question.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh--
 '''Lars:''' So what y'all...
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm not really sure what the question is, though.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, I be, I'll be rephrasin' with the past parsable and shit. So my bitch Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I ain't want you plain' none a them games, now." You be gettin' games up on that PS Nigga. You be playin' them games all day and night. Sheeeeit, addiction be all "spiral of doom" and shit. Ain't about just the money. It's about the ''tiiiime'', nigga. 'Bout the ''effort'', nigga. All that time an effort, go in to the volunteerin' and shit. Work at the hospital. Be a fuckin' hospice nurse and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Oh--
 '''Lars:''' I did that shit for nine months. Fuckin' made me a new man and shit. Watch a buncha old white people die? Sheeeeit. Ain't nothing feel better than that. All them old slave-owners and share-croppers be droppin' like flies, and here Lars be. Lars McNulty. Sheeeit. That shit feel good, nigga.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, by the way--
 '''Lars:''' Watchin' white people die.
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you're asking me, you're- you're asking me, uh, why I be spending all my extra time playing video games instead of like, you know, goin' out, uh... to volunteer work or some-- shi-- or stuff like that.
 '''Lars:''' True dat, dog, true dat. You be feelin' me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feeling ya. Uh, but mostly, but mostly, uh, on the one point, it's like, I would not know where to look. And plus, you know, goin' out for a job, after all the, uh, after them trolls been weighing me down since November 2007, smearin' my name in the... ''[Audio cuts out while Chris continues whining]''

===Fuck Tha Police (48:15 - 57:30)===
'''Lars:''' Sheeeeit. A'ight, a'ight, I feel ya. But, y'all know, dog, y'all know them background check and shit, just be for criminal shit. Now I know all about the criminality. I be a black man, I had a record since I was 8. Sheeit. Try'd to rob Starbucks with a fake gun. Nigga, y'all ever rob Starbucks, you best bring a real gun, nigga. Go whole hog on that shit. Ridin' that pagan justice into town and shit. Fuck. You spend any time in the joint, nigga?
 '''Chris:''' I ain't spent no time in no joint, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be lucky and shit, dog. No, no, y'all ain't be lucky and shit, y'all be white. That's what that shit is. A black man be like... turn 18, he go do 2 and a half in fuckin' C Block and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I--
 '''Lars:''' Taste a lotta maple syrup in that time. Anyway dog, I be- What I be sayin' to you and shit, that background check, they ain't gonna see no... No white niggas on the Internet makin' fun a your... Your Pokemon fanfiction and shit. Y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeahhh, it-- I feel you but--
 '''Lars:''' They ain't be holdin' that against you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but they have a lot more than just the, making fun of the, uh... Pokemon fanfiction. They got a lot more than that, I mean they claim- I mean they claim me... They- They mis- The trolls, they be throwin' around those bad labels on me, like... a pedophile.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga y'all be- Y'all be missin' my point though. Nigga, you ain't spend no time up in the joint. Your background check should be golden shit. Y'all ain't got no problems and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but th-- Yeah. But also, th- I do have po- I do have a police record on file, uh, for... Couple- For...
 '''Lars:''' Oh, word?
 '''Chris:''' Couple of offenses... Yeah, I had a couple of police records on file--
 '''Lars:''' You be fightin' The Man and shit? Sheeeeeit, tell me all about it, dog, what you be doin'?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...
 '''Lars:''' You be takin' down po-po? Fuckin' 5-0 and shit? What you got? I'll swap stories with you, and shit. You go first, though.
 '''Chris:''' It be essentially, uh, just... Havin' a bad time and disagreements and what-not. With th- With this, uh- With this... dude, down over at the Game- Over at the Game and Hobby Place. He just be havin' his own gripe against me, and lookin' for a way- Lookin' for an excuse to ban me from his store, and then, and then... Then he did, so he banned me from the store, he... But he never wanted me to come back, and then I come back like about a year later askin' him- askin' if I can come back and he don't let me come back and... So I leave and then I come back next year and then, uh... Same thing again except worse, he act- he actually gives me- actually puts um... Officially on police record! Don't want- He don't want me... Tresspassing on th- He don't want me, y'know, um, being anywhere near that place.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' He just- He just be all, afraid of me and shit like that. And plus also, I have like, uh, I've had like, uh, past-- Past accusations of quote-unquote "soliciting", when I was out in my early days of my Sweetheart Search lookin' for- Lookin' for a woman of my own, be usin' a sign, like you know, I be like... "Current age year-old man, seek- lookin' for an 18 to current age year-old woman! Be my sweetheart and junk!" And they be-- They misinterpret that, they be thinkin' I be lookin' just for the-- Just for the booty call! But no, I ain't lookin' just for the booty call, I'm lookin' for the long run, the emotional attachments and everythaaang! They just misinterp- They just misunderstand me, and they handcuff me and everythang, they came- They handcuff me a couple a times, they drag me around, and they even dogpile on me one time, rub my head on the carpet, I be bleedin' out- I been bleedin' out left side of my forehead that day! Put me in the dang-- Put me in the dang cop car and I get offended by the ambulaaaance, where they see that blood stain... Blood-soaked stain! Heaaaad wouuund, from that carpet burn on the left side of my forehead there!
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, nigga, a'ight, nigga. You get down wit' y'all bad self. Sheeeeit. Badass, you be stickin' it to 5-0 and shit! Tresspassin' and shit. I see, I feel ya, I smell ya, dog. Y'all be tresspassin', be shootin' it off to them white niggas. Shiiit. So y'all be tresspassin' on the here nigga's property to be stickin' it to that man and shit. That be what I feelin'? That be what you doin', dig?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so you--
 '''Chris:''' You be feelin' me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' So you all go tresspassin' and shit, you know you ain't welcome and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, "Fuck dat shit, I own that store! I'm a go stick that place up and shit! I'm a fuckin' bust a cap in his ass!" Y'all be like, "I ain't gives no fuck about right and wrong and shit!" Nigga in the city, dog. Niggas wonder why.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be poppin- Yeah I be poppin' a- I'd be poppin' a cap in that- In that old- In that old Michael Snyder ass, I tell you what. It's like, if and I had me, if I had me a real life gun but I don't have a real life gun, though like you know, all I got is my, uh... All I got is my slow-mind wit, and uh, not mu- Not much else going on there. So it's like I don't really have much of an offense, as much as a defense, dog. And I, but--
 '''Lars:''' Lemme ax you--
 '''Chris:''' The only option there is just to split.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog--
 '''Chris:''' 'Til another thing, until I can actually go on the offense.
 '''Lars:''' Let me ax you, dog. So you gonna take some nigga, and you gonna say like, "Bitch, this nigga be goin' down and shit." And you pick this, you pick this nigga, this nigga at this... This game store and shit. Why you pick this nigga to pick a fight with and shit?
 '''Chris:''' He- He- He picked-
 '''Lars:''' What about this nigga?
 '''Chris:''' He picked a fight with me first, he just had his own griefs, he just had his own griefs, his own gripes and scares against me. He be thinkin' I be like... He be thinkin' like y'know, I know... He be havin' his own weird accusations against me, probably thinkin' that I w- He probably... Damn troll niggers who... Who damn throw the label of pedophile on me and damn ol' buncha shit offa him. He be throwin' all them labels on me and just lookin' for a damn excuse to kick me out of that store and ban me forever and the he- And then... And then he did find a damn excuse and it damn happened and they called tresspassin' and everthiiing.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all, y'all be goin' on property when you know you ain't-- It be someone elses property and shit, and you be like, "Fuck that, I ain't give a shit about right and wrong! I ain't give a shit about what someone else wants! I ain't give a shit about no other nigga's property, and personal reliability, and safe-ety.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which--
 '''Lars:''' And personal responsibility.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah besides which that-- That ain't really his store, he's just rentin' on- He's just rentin' on that location! They just been rentin' there for a long time! It ain't really his--
 '''Lars:''' So he be payin' his rent and shit. So it be his store and shit, then. You be all like, "Fuck dat shit, I ain't give a shit 'bout no other nigga's property. I'm a take what I want and fuck all y'all niggas." Shit, dog, I be feelin' that. That be my gangsta life, in my teenage years, back when I be 8 and shit. I be all like goin' up in the stores, and be like "What, nigga? What, you gonna kick me out cuz I stealin' shit? Cuz I be yellin' at people? Cuz I be screamin' my head off? Sheeeit. Fuck that shit, nigga! I do what I want!" Be some Maury Povich up in here and shit. I feel ya, dog. You ain't gives no fucks.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Fuck that shit! Ain't give no shit if that be his store and what-not.
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, so you say you have a weakness with the offense, but you be good with the defense and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So let me ax you, some nigga come up in yo house and shit, and be all like, "Dude I wanna come up in here and shit." And y'all be like, "Shit, nigga. This be my house and shit, y'all ain't comin' up in here without no invitation and shit." And he be like, "''Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit'', nigga! I do what I want, I'm a call up on y'all house!" What ya'll gonna do? Some nigga come up in yo business.
 '''Chris:''' I ain't got no gun, I'll beat his ass, I'm pretty str-- I'm very strong. I'd give him an ol' ''CLOP! CLOP! HIYA!''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dog, I feel that.
 '''Chris:''' If that be the case... But I'd make sure that I be cool, dog, y'know, I'd make sure I started that, like y'know, he'd throw the first punch, and if he throw the first punch and I-- Then I de-fennnnd, and I throw- And then I throw- Then I would punch back in defense!
 '''Lars:''' Then y'all be throwin' a tresspassin' notice and shit on him. Ain't that the truth, nigga. Ain't y'all be, y'all be saltin' the wounds and shit. Puttin' a criminality record upon this nigga. Ain't that what y'all gon' do, dog. Sheeeit. Now I ain't never filed no tresspassin' notice on any nigga what started shit with me. See I be a black man and shit, so the police, if you ever call the police when you a black man? They come and shoot your ass. They ain't givin' no fucks. You be white and shit. You can use the system against the system and shit. Y'all see what I mean and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeah. I hear ya.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah. Say yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Whole buncha damn-- Whole buncha the damn racism that they been got goin' on, but I ain't like that. I be respec- I have respect for my black man. And I have respect for you, man, 'cause we cool.

===One Big Gray Nigga (57:30 - 1:04:30) ===
'''Lars:''' Y'all be feelin' me, y'all my nigga and shit, dog. Sheeeeit. Nigga be Prime Time up in here, dog. Shit. Fuck. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and in fact I enjoy- I the, uh, comedies- I enjoy the TV shows I get from the... From the black man, including The Jeffersons, and... Bill Cosby, and... Sandford and Son, alla them. All them--
 '''Lars:''' ''"Sandford and Son"''???! Bitch I know you ain't bring up Sanford and Son, fuckin' sharecropper shit. Goddamn Uncle Tom and shit. Sheeeit. Traitor to his race and shit, dog. All that spoon jockey (?) shit, blackface... Bamboozled and shit.
 '''Chris:''' I--
 '''Lars:''' All I see is sleepin' (?), that's what all that shit be. Fuck that shit, stereotypin' a nigga in a bad light and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, man I--
 '''Lars:''' Us niggas, we already got our trouble with the bad light and shit, 'cause we be all dark and shit. Ain't no light what can shine a good light on our dark skin and shit. Then you got the TV shows. Then you got the H-B-O and shit. Fuckin' shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well man, I don't mean, I-- Yeah I don't mean to jump no jive, man, I just be givin' a few examples of some of the shows I see. But I watch- I watch other shows too, where they- where they make GOOD examples of the- Of the black man and the black woman.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Four hundred years of opression.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, know what I'm doin'? I'm holdin' up my fist in solidarity. Yo, nigga, hold up you fist for me.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' You holdin' up yo fist, dog? Hope y'all ain't smilin' and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I'm holdin' up my fist, man.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be smilin' and shit, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Niggas, we can't be smilin'. That takes away... the gravitas of what we can do. See-
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be holdin'- I be holdin' up my f- I be holdin' up my fist in respect, dog. I--
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog. Yo, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hold it in respect.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight.
 '''Chris:''' We cool.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, where all this shit come from? We be bulin' our- our ''velocity'' toward ''ferocity'' and toward ''audacity'' of hope and change and chope and shit. Fuckin' Big Bama's House up in here. A black nigga and a white nigga be mixin' and matchin', make ourselves one big gray nigga and shit. See what I doin', dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Fuckin' bridgin' the gaps of... Of ''inequality'', and ine- ''inequity'', and... ''Ine-quali-equity'', and shit. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, dog, this shit be all about Jackie and shit, though, dog. Jackie be all like, glarin' daggers at me and shit. I be like, "Bitch, only daggers I wanna see from you are those two daggers on yo' chest and shit, now take off your top while you be makin' me my steak dinner!" Bitch be all like, "Sheeeit, I burned myself last time I do that, nigga. Y'all want burn scars on this body?" I be like "Hell no, dog, you already got that C-Section scar from where I aborted that baby!" Sheeeit, bitch all scarred up and used up already. So let's get back to Jackie and shit. Now, Jackie ain't be happy wit' y'all and shit. And Jackie ain't sure if she be happy wit' me and shit. So we gots to figure out, and numerate, and enunciate exactly why the ''posivericating'' is happenin' with this shit. Why the bitch be mad at you, and why the bitch be mad at me? We figure this out, dog, we figure this out, nigga. Brovaries before ovaries, dawg, you feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be all, like, you be lyin' to her and shit. And I feel that. I feel why she pissed about that shit. And as a advice, and... cautionary to you: Y'all ain't be lyin' to no bitch. Y'all can smack a bitch, y'all can punt a bitch, y'all be like "Bitch, I ain't doin' that shit" all up in her face and shit, but y'all ain't be lyin' to a bitch. 'Cause then the shit roll downhill. Shit be like a Hydra and shit, you cut one head off that bitch, two head grow back, you be lyin' to her. They catch you on that shit, they always do, nigga. Indeed! Sheeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' So, bitch be mad cuz you be lyin' to her. And bitch be mad cuz you ain't gettin' rid a that addiction and shit, y'all feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel ya, I tell you what, I- I'll make it right, I will make this right with Jackie, I tell you what, you tell her this from me too and I- and I'll promise it to you too, man, cuz we cool. I'll draw a parade for Alec, and I'll make it like, you know, he was found innocent, like she wanted. I'll fix the pages and do it right for her.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that like, you know, within- within the next few days, and vid- and it'll be up, all colored and everything, be uploaded.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog.
 '''Chris:''' I'll take care of that for her.
 '''Lars:''' Well shit, dog, shit, see now in the interest of camaraderie, and... niggaraderie, and all that shit. In the interest of all that shit, this great nigga we be buildin', I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Also, in the interest of not bein' hypocrital, and hippocratical, I ain't takin' no Hippiocratical Oath and shit. Because I be tellin' you not to be lyin' to no bitches, so I ain't can't be lyin' to you and shit. Y'all fell me, dog? I gots to be honest wit' you.
 '''Chris:''' I feel you. Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, so, in the interest of honesty and total veracity, I must tell you that I am not a neutral party and shit. See, I burned my boats and shit 'cause I want Jackie back, dog. See? Bitch be all like, all up slobberin' on my dick and balls now, shit. Damn! See, I ain't be finna' gettin' ridda' my bitch, and shit. She be all like, ridin' my dick. She be all like, givin' me the oral play and shit. Fuckin' tongue action, finger play, y'all know that shit, sheeeeit. And the bitch be makin' me my steak dinner, 'cause I burned them boats. So, I ain't finna' be gettin' ridda' this bitch. I got a good bitch goin' here, y'all feel me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all might wanna try winnin' Jackie back. I wish y'all best luck in the world. Cuz see, a'ight, honestly, veracitously, I gots to admit to you, I do think, yo, we are bros, but we still be competin', you dig?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' And I do feel like I have the advantage on you. Cuz my dick be all ''four inches'' a straight goodness and shit. Fuckin' straight as a ramrod and shit! That's what call me in High School when I be ramroddin' bitches, they call me "Ramrod". Better than "nigger". Better than "Nigger Jim", that's what that shit they be callin' me, I be like "My name ain't Jim! Call me 'Nigga Lars' and shit!" "Nigga Lars"? That shit fine. "Nigga McNulty"? That shit be fine too, but they call me Nigger Jim! Who da fuck this Nigga Jim be? I ain't know... sheeeit.
 '''Chris:''' That's- I tell ya, that's cool man, I praise you for being able to bang all them hos back in the High School Days, I tell you what, I was naive on the dating subject back in High School, I didn't even think about it, I mean I shoulda ask w- I shoulda asked a woman, I shoulda banged my own share of hos back in the day, but I didn't dawwwg, I just did not think of it! I was really slow, and I ev- and I even had a girl- I even had a girl crush back then. But then she done left me, she was out da- she was out dating with somebody else behind my back, I didn't even know about it. But she and I, we were tight!

===The Trail of Tears (1:04:30 - 107:50) ===
'''Lars:''' Shee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dog! So what y'all gonna do to win Jackie heart back and shit? Y'all gonna burn that PS Triple and shit. See, see I'ma feelin' that, because that seem like, like the equalizer, and the numerizer and shit, that you all be pullin' to one-up my burnin' my boats and shit. See I be burnin' my addiction, y'all gots to burn your addiction too. Y'all ain't gots to do it literally. I know white people be afraid of fire and shit, I know white people fear fire. See us black folk, we like fire, 'cause we all be like livin' tribal in the Unga Bungas, in Africa and shit. We be usin' fire to keep tigers away and shit! Tigers, man, damn. Tigers be racists and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well I feel you, man. I'm part Cherokee.
 '''Lars:''' So, y'all got-- Oh, dog, y'all part Cherokee? Y'all be part a them--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' Them Red Niggas and shit? Sheeeit, I feel that, dog, I ain't know that about you. Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Trail of Tears is in my history.
 '''Lars:''' ''(Talking over Chris)'' What casino you from?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, all them Red Niggas, they be up in them casinos and shit. Ain't that right, dog? What casino you from? From that casino tribe--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah sound like a-
 '''Lars:''' From the Blackjack Tribe? Whitejack Tribe? The... Poker Tribe? The Hold'Em Tribe? You from them--
 '''Chris:''' That just--
 '''Lars:''' Ain't got no tribes, y'all feelin' what I'm gettin' at.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I fe- Yeah I feel you, man, that's a- That's just a dang old stereotype, I'm not like one- I am not a Casino Ownah. I ain't no rich man. I mean, I di- I mean--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be unemployed and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all ain't be no Casino Nigga and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I ain't no Casi-- I- I ain't no Casino Niggah. I mean, we be--
 '''Lars:''' See--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my background, we be of the real- We be of the real Cherokee. From the Trail of Tears and all that. That's from my history.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, this be a perfect example of the injustice and inservitude and ingratuity of American History and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Lars:''' See, the Red Niggas, they be all like, the Casino Niggas and shit. And then, you come along, and you ain't be... You ain't be havin' no job in no casino, you ain't be havin' no job and shit. You all just be, sittin' on your couch and shit, jobless. And that totally defies the stereotype of the common Red Nigga, see? So them sterotypes, they be bullshit, 'cause everyone knows your Red Niggas, they all be hard-workin' and sober and shit. Ain't no stereotypes say otherwise. I hear there is, I'll eat my hat I tell you what. Sheeeeit. Fuck. Anyway, dog, where we at-- I be waxin philosophimorical again. Sheeit. We be talkin 'bout- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, dog, it comin' back to me. What y'all gonna be doin' to win Jackie, y'all gonna be ''metaphorically'' burnin' your PS Triple and shit. That be right, dog? Is that what y'all gonna do? I be wishin you luck, dog, I be wishin' you luck. I be wishin' you luck and shit, man. Y'know, I'll be ramroddin' Jackie every night and every day, but I respect you, like my nigga. You're my bro and shit. And I want you to get what you deserve and shit. You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel ya.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all gonna be gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. ''(Long pause)''

===A Tale of Two PS Triples (107:50 - 1:17:45)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah my mind be slow and I be uncertain of... everything here. And I definitely... I definitely feel ya and I'm not gonna say that I'm better than you, I'm not gonna say no- I'm not gonna say that. I mean you be- I mean you are- You be a big man, you burned all your boats, dog. I tell you what. But I mean-- I spend my mo-- I spend my money, I ain't gonna get that much back. I ain't gonna- I ain't gonna just kill it all by burning the dang PS3 because I already di- I pretty much essentially did that. By, uh... Like, pretty much dismantling the previous one I had, and then just running it over with my car, there be videos on the Youtube about that.
 '''Lars:''' Yo, yo, dog, I saw that shit, you just-- You destructicated your PS Triple, and then you get a new one back like a day later and shit. Why y'all go get a new PS Triple and shit, dog? Why destroy it in the first place?
 '''Chris:''' I tried to destroy it, dog, because... Them tr- Because, them trolls, and Jackie knew about it as well, they be offering NINE THOUSAND dollars for footage of the destruction of that PS Triple. And my- And Jackie thought like, you know, I give them th- I give them the footage and the real deal- I give them the real deal footage and what-not, they give- They, the trolls, they- THE troll, he be givin' me back the- He be givin' me that money, I be buy me a new PS Triple, she be cool with that, but then it don't happen, he- He fall back on his word, he don't do it, even though there were plans of meetings and what-not, it didn't happen, there was no money! I was--
 '''Lars:''' Where y'all get that money then? If there be no money, where y'all get that new PS Triple and shit?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that be from my--
 '''Lars:''' I know all white folks be rich and shit, like at least moderately so and shit, but shiiit, you got that kinda cash around, you got that 'fetti? Where you get the money to buy that second PS Triple? That be like yo' Double PS Triple. Or yo' PS Double-Triple, if you will. Sheeeit. PS Triple-Double and shit. Where y'all get the money for that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that be where I sold the, uh, past-- The older game consoles that I've hoarded over the years.
 '''Lars:''' So y'all go and destroy yo' PS Triple... Then like a day later y'all go and sell like every other game you got... So you can buy back... A PS Triple? ''(Pause)'' Shit ain't gangsta, dog, why you be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' It does a lot more than games, dog! Does movies, does music, does pictures! Does the Internet! I mean pretty much at this time, the only way that I'd be able to access my e-mail, and send and receive, from Jackie and everybody el-- From everybody.
 '''Lars:''' Why ain't y'all buy a new computer?
 '''Chris:''' Because damn computer expensive. I mean if I had known that was gonna happen I--
 '''Lars:''' PS Triple be expensive, dog!
 '''Chris:''' If I had known that was gonna have happened... I mean it happened at months- It happened- Just happened a month before- A whole month before my computer decided to go and do what it did to me, and become practically unusable and considerably deaaaaad.
 '''Lars:''' Yo dog, ain't y'all computer be all broken and shit for a long time, though? Ain't you know you need a replacement and shit?
 '''Chris:''' No, because--
 '''Lars:''' Jackie be tellin' me that she heard some... Some call where you talked to that Alec Benson Nigga guy. I don't know this guy. You talked to him, and he be askin' you why you ain't do somethin' with your computer. I ain't know what. Why you ain't interneting or somethin'. Us black folk, we ain't know this Internet. He ask you that, why you ain't doin' this, and you said your computer be busted and shit. You tell him the same thing you tell Jackie like a year later. Why you ain't replace the computer in all that time, though? Y'all know the computer be busted, but y'all go and buy a PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' Because the computer was working for me. It wasn't as busted as it was-- As it had become a month later.
 '''Lars:''' But y'all didn't think ahead and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all knew the computer was on its last legs and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my-- Yeah, my bad, I did not think ahead. I thought things'd be cool, but then it turned out they weren't. It... Damn whole buncha twist of fate and everything. Be all up my ass.
 '''Lars:''' Nigga, nigga, nigga, let me give you a metaphorical illusion, if I will, if I may, if you will.
 '''Chris:''' It's cool.
 '''Lars:''' Now, picture your computer like... Like a 29 year-old nigga and shit. A'ight, now your computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. You know what kinda life expectancy a 29 year-old nigga have on the streets? Zero point zero-zero-zero-four percent, to the power of twelve, to the oneth power. That shit be low and shit. So your computer, in a metaphorical sense, be like a nigga who be facin' his be three-oh and shit. And that nigga gonna get capped and shit, dog! Sheeeeeit. Ain't gonna be no fake gun bringin' up in the Starbucks next time. Nigga gonna get capped. Streets be a lottery and shit, dog. So that computer, y'all know that computer be like a 29 year-old nigga. See, that computer be functionating and pre-vericating and shit. Just like that 29 year-old nigga be, in the prime of his life with them ripplin' muscles and shit. But a cap gonna come outta mid air, and shot yo' fuckin' computer in the back of the head when he in line at the Popeye's Chicken. And that be all she wrote, nigga. That be all she wrote. Ain't no Dr. Quinn gonna save this nigga up in here, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeit. So that computer be on its last life, and y'all, y'all know that even though it fuctionin' fine today, that computer get a cap in its ass tomorrow. God gonna fire a cap in that computer's ass. And y'all be knowin' that, but y'all ain't replacin' that, but then y'all PS Triple die, because you killed it. You be murderin' that PS Triple, you be murderin' it in cold blood, like, like it be a nigga what wronged you, what didn't pay you your drug money and shit. So you kill that PS Triple, and then you all go and buy a new PS Triple the next day. But you got your computer here, which need to be replaced, your computer which you use to talk to Jackie. But you can't talk to Jackie no more. You just play your games. Y'all be feelin' me, dog?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I be feelin' ya.
 '''Lars:''' So you see, dog, see Jackie be mad because y'all-- Y'all be takin' playin' vidya games over talkin' to a real life woman. Sheeeit. I feel her pain and shit. I feel her commissary and commissaratin' and shit. Ain't no PS Triple what got no poon tang, I tell ya what. Sheeeeeeeit. Damn! So why y'all... Why y'all pick a PS Triple, over my Jackie Triple? Why y'all be doin' that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Well... ''(Pause for stress)'' Now look, okay dog, I can- Uh... I will still be able to talk to Jacke through the email with the PS Triple, anyway... With the-- AIM, uh... Anyway, I- Anyway, I be gettin' a new computer soon enough, and I be back to- I'll be able to talk to Jackie through AIM if, y'know, she'd be willing to.
 '''Lars:''' But lemme ax you, dog. Now, your PS Triple be gone, and "soon enough" means, like, a day. But, your computer, you means of communication with Jackie and shit, that be gone, but "soon enough", that amount to like months and shit. That be like the whole trimester of a pregnancy what pass by and shit. Shit, I ain't even let this much time pass by before I evacuated that fetus in her belly. Sheeeeeeeit. That be a bigger decision than any PS Triple, I tell you what.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hmm...
 '''Lars:''' Why y'all go and replace the PS Triple, even though Jackie don't want you to have that addiction?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' It's an addiction that I will be able to... get over easily enough... when I actually have the woman nearby me. Why--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be--
 '''Chris:''' If I-- Yeah, you know, I be havin' me- I'll be havin' the woman next to me, and I'd be treatin' her right, I'd be investing more time into her... Right next to me, instead of bein' over the Internet, because I ain't got no power over the Internet, really, Internet just don't work, I-- I'm scared to go on the internet, really, because of the damn trolls, it's real life and-- It's real life or bust for me, dog.
 '''Lars:''' But... But dog, okay, dog, I be feelin' that. Them Internets, they be a scary place and shit, especially for a nigga. Sheeeeit. Ain't no fourth dimension and shit up on that Internet what no nigga like myself gonna walk up into, you feelin' me? Sheeit. Shit like a minefield and shit. Damn, dog. But Jackie, see, Jackie, she be all like, "Chris, I know you know I want you gettin' rid a that PS Triple and shit. Shit be like a black hole of addiction and shit, suckin' up your life." And see, what I don't get is why y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple, because that shit is no good for you. And you gettin' rid a that shit, even if Jackie ain't exist and shit, even if Jackie ain't up on my dick and shit, then you get rid of that PS Triple... You a born-again man. You a new man for gettin' rid a that shit. See, I burned my boats and shit before I even called Jackie, because I knew even if Jackie be all rejectin' me and shit, I'd be a new man for gettin' ridda my addiction. I be a strong man and shit. Show me your strength, nigga. Y'all be feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' Word, dawg. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

===Downtism (1:17:45 - 1:23:05)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Uhh, alright listen, we be havin' a cool conversation, it's been good, um... Let me, uh, talk-- Let me talk to Jackie for a little while.
 '''Lars:''' Let's see if that bitch be around. ''(Pretends to walk around)'' Yo bitch! Bitch, where you be at?! Now hold on, dog. Sheeeeit, where that bitch at? Hold on... Checkin' the kitchen and shit. Fuck, meatloaf only half-done and shit. Bitch can't even make a meatloaf and shit and steak and shit at the same time? Damn. Used up bitch, poon tang and shit. What the-- oh, the fuck that smell be? Aw, fuck-- Bitch, I told you not to go to that Taco Bell and shit no more! Shit ain't gangsta! Sheeeit. ''(Back to Chris)'' Bitch be all like, makin' number two and shit right now, she ain't comin' out for a whiiile, let me tell ya that shit.
 '''Chris:''' Uh-ohhhh.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' That be-- I hear you.
 '''Lars:''' See now dog, y'all got to feel my pain and shit. See y'all just be hearin' about it, I gots to smell it and shit. Damn!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I hear ya- I get it, I- I can- I hear you, be all--
 '''Lars:''' Y'all know how strong the sense of smell on a nigga is? Y'all be a white nigga and shit, I be a black nigga. See us wide nostrils, we smell like five times what you smell and shit. See, my nostrils, that be like my PS Triple because it's triple the smell power of your... Your thin, white nostrils. Shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I hear you, dog, I know what- I know what crap smells like and how it comes out. ''(Clears throat)'' Excuse me.
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't gonna get rid a that PS Triple for Jackie and shit? That be, that be my... confuzzlation and shit. ''(Pause)'' See, dog, y'all be like... Lemme put it how I see it, and then I'll wait for yo' responsification. See, all I see, is y'all be saying that y'all ain't gettin' rid a that PS Triple 'til Jackie be by your side and shit. See y'all be wantin' Jackie to be like, watchin' you, and to be like, houndin' you, and to ''substitutionalize'' for that PS Triple and shit. But y'all ain't wanna be gettin' rid a that shit just for yo' own damn self. ''(Pause)'' You feelin' me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog. Righteous. Righteous and shit. See Jackie, Jackie be feelin' all hurt and shit 'cause y'all ain't wanna improve yourself. Y'all know how fleetin' life is and shit, nigga? Life be fleetin' and shit, even for a white nigga. White nigga can expect to live past 30. Black man can't, but a white man can.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah. ''(Pause)''
 '''Lars:''' So why y'all ain't improvin' yourself, dog? ''(Pause)''
 '''Chris:''' To be honest, I- I really-- To be honest... I just don't know. ''(Pause)'' It's pretty much, you know, I had my- My mind is so slow, and... It be- I just be fear of change, and... It just hard- It's just hard for- It's just really hard for me and my... Mental- And my mental capacity to... To go through a whole bunch of change so quickly.
 '''Lars:''' Ah, I see, cuz a that Downtism and shit.
 '''Chris:''' No it--
 '''Lars:''' I feel you, dog, I feel you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh--
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' The- It- Not Down Syndrome, ''Autism''.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, the Downtism. That be what I- Yeah. Shit. Anyway, dog, so what y'all sayin' is, ya got ya vidya games, and Jackie, she be like a woman, with the poon tang and shit, and a meat loaf and steak dinner, and y'all be afraid of that. Y'all stick wit' your video games, cuz that all ain't makes you afraid like a woman do.
 '''Chris:''' What-- NO. I'm not- I am not afraid of a- I am not afraid of a woman.
 '''Lars:''' Y'all be like, y'all ain't wanna give up PS Triple for a woman though. ''(Awkward pause)''
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris grunts. It's safe to speculate that he has shit himself by this point.)''
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sigh)'', lemme think. ''(Chris thinks for like 30 seconds)''
 '''Lars:''' Nigga you gruntin' or some shit. Shit, dog, y'all be at Taco Bell and shit too, like my Jackie?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Umm... No, I- I did not go to Taco Bell today.
 '''Lars:''' Shit, what you eat, dog?
 '''Chris:''' I had- I had me a- I had me a fish fillet tonight.
 '''Lars:''' Shit... ain't no nigga be eatin' no fish. Y'all know us niggas be afraid of water and shit. Why y'all be gruntin', dog? Shit not be settlin' in your stomach and shit?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Hm. ''(Long pause)'' I'unno.

===Remember Kenen & Kel? That was a fun show. (1:23:05 - 1:28:08)===
'''Lars:''' So dog, a'ight, a'ight, let's get back, let's get back. Why y'all... Y'all say you ain't afraid of no woman, and y'all want a woman, but... But yo' actions, and even what you just say to me now, show that you want a vidya game more than a woman. I GUESS I feel that shit, y'know what-- I lost my virginity at the age of ten and a half. And ever since then I be all up in the poon tang. I be like a poon hound and shit. See I ain't play no vidya games since like, Atari, and shit. Shit be old school.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Lars:''' Back then everything black and white, not just race politics, see? Y'feelin'?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I feel you.
 '''Lars:''' So you know, dog, my first time be scary and shit, I only make that bitch cum like two and a half times. See I be all performance anxiety and shit, but I got through it. Y'all gots to be a MAN and shit. Man up. Y'all gots-- Y'all be a man? Or y'all be a boy. What y'all be? ''(Pause while Chris decides)''
 '''Chris:''' I be a man.
 '''Lars:''' See dog, see what I'm feelin', and rightfully, righteously, ''rightatiously'' I should not be tellin' you this, because this hurts my chances and shit. But I will tell you in the interest of bros before hos, that if you got rid of that PS Triple, you got rid of it and you never buy another one, Jackie'd probably kick my black ass out the door and shit. You get rid a that PS Triple, I be out on the street, and Jackie be on your doorstep first thing tomorrow morning and shit. That's all the bitch talk about when she talk about you, is the PS Triple. "PS Triple this, PS Triple that." Well sometimes she talked about the lies and shit too, but mostly the PS Triple.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause)'' Yeah... I hear ya, it's-- It's a lot. Alright, well- Listen, it's a bit late, and uh... I wanna be gettin' me a good night's-- I wanna be gettin' me a good night's sleep. Cuz, you know, gonna be another day tomorrow.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, a'ight, I feel you. Yo, yo, dog, yo dog. You know what I'm doin' right now? Now what I'm doin'?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Lars:''' Holdin' up my fist, dog. Solidarity! Peace, dog.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeit. So y'all got your vidya games, Jackie-- She be all up in that toilet, like another hour or two, shit... I'll tell her to wipe her ass and them come jump on my dick and shit. I'll be like all up in that poon tang. Yo, I'll write you an email and shit, tell you all about that poon tang. And you write me an email tellin' me about y'all video games, that way we can exchange and learn from each other's culture, see 'cause I-- I be like with a woman and shit, and I can tell you what that be like. And you be playin' vidya games, which I ain't familiar with, and then tell me what it be like to just be playin' video games in your room all day.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Pause, not getting it)'' Hm.
 '''Lars:''' See, we each have our diferent priorities. See, you want your video games and I want Jackie. I wanna be with Jackie. See dog-- Dawg, dawg, dawg, now... I'll let you go soon, I'll let you go soon, cuz I know you tired and shit. I know white people like to go to bed before midnight. But let me ax you something, one more question real quick. I be your nigga and shit, you be my nigga. Y'all be honest and straightforward with me. Now--
 '''Chris:''' I be honest and straightforward.
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, a'ight, now y'all be sayin' to Jackie that you want Jackie and shit. Y'all be sayin' to everyone out there that you want Jackie.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Lars:''' More than anything. But the situation--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I want Jackie more than anything.
 '''Lars:''' The situation be like, you ain't givin' up no vidya games for her. Y'all just want your vidya game. So you can tell me, bro. Tell me, my nigga... Y'all really want Jackie or not? Or do y'all want your vidya games more than you actually want Jackie, if you want Jackie? You can be honest with me now--
 '''Chris:''' I want Jackie-- I want Jackie and I want to be able to keep my video games.
 '''Lars:''' Sheeeeit, dog, that ain't always an option. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Or as we say in Nigga Culture, "Can't have your grape soda and drink it too." Cuz see, black people don't eat cake. It's that devil food, it--
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like orange soda.
 '''Lars:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, orange soda. That be what white people drink.
 '''Chris:''' You remember Kenan & Kel? That was a funny sh- That was a fun show.
 '''Lars:''' Who the fuck Kenan & Kel? That the nigga that owe me money? You tell that fuckin' nigga to give me my fifteen dolla'! You see that nigga? Sheeeit, fake nigga if ever there was one. Damn.
 '''Chris:''' No, I-- I'm talking about the show that was on Nickelodean.
 '''Lars:''' Nickel-lo... What the fuck do that be? That be one of them nickel and dime theaters from the 1920's and shit? Fuckin' flappers and shit, women with short hair? Sheeeeeeit.
 '''Chris:''' Yea- Alright, well I'll let you-- Alright, well I'll let you go, it's been- It's been cool hangin' with ya. You my nigga-- ''(Lars talks over Chris)''
 '''Lars:''' A'ight, dog, I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, I'ma go fuck Jackie now. I'll talk to you soon, dog, we'll be in touch and shit. Nice meetin' you and shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, alright.
 '''Lars:''' Goodnight, dawg.
 '''Chris:''' Goodnight.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFNyMfrTc_M&feature=related Listen On Youtube]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?mzqbcbh007abn88 Download]
* [http://goo.gl/DbVDg Non-mediafire mirror]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
{{stub}}

User talk:SherwinKing

2010-11-18T01:08:13Z

Torchwood: the hell did it leave my name out?

I sense a troll or a white knight. But... why do I get the hunch this might be Chris himself? --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 06:40, 17 November 2010 (PST)
*It's got the tardcaps, but I dunno. I doubt Chris would, even in alias, approve of a third-party fan work. My money goes for ShamanKing thinking he's the next Alec.[[User:Torchwood|Torchwood]] 06:43, 17 November 2010 (PST)

*Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So it could be Chris. I'm sure it's just a would be troll though. -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 06:42, 17 November 2010 (PST)

*This guy just recently edited the [[Chris]] page to make it less offensive about Chris, just like when he was GodofthunderGodofwar or whatever he was when he was here. But it wasn't as self-serving; it was changed to say things such as "unfortunately, his childish artwork", as if the author's intent was to bring pity. I highly doubt Chris could be this clever, but then again, we may not know.

--[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 06:46, 17 November 2010 (PST)

*Lets just see where this progresses, as long as we get an entertaining saga out of it I am happy. [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 07:37, 17 November 2010 (PST)

*Oh, for fuck's sake, he copied the page and put it on his user page. --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 07:49, 17 November 2010 (PST)

==Let me Clear this up for you guys==

This guy is not Chris. Chris acts differently. This guy wants us to think he's Chris. He's an attention whore. Wait for him to get banned or something and move on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 08:39, 17 November 2010 (PST)

== I AM NOT CHRIS OR A TROLL ==

I am not Chris-chan or a troll or trying to be the next Alec. I am just a fan of Sonichu that wants to get his fan website known about.

If this is really a Wiki documenting all about Chris-chan then it should not just relate to things that trolls do to him, but things that fans of his comic have done too.

I do not have a lot of content on my site right now, but when I start uploading my art, as well as my very own comic, I believe that my website will be a very worthy candidate for something to be documented on this Wiki.
*Sonichu fans don't exist. Obvious newfag is obvious. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 09:55, 17 November 2010 (PST)

*Hmm... tard-caps, unwarranted self importance, being a fan of something that has no fanbase... Sounds like a fake account of Chris's to me! Seriously, Sonichu was complete and utter shit, the comic is over, and anybody that claims to like it is completely retarded. --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 10:14, 17 November 2010 (PST)
**Yep, none of those traits are obvious or easily emulated at all! This guy isn't acting like Chris, he's acting like what a newfag would think Chris is. This isn't the first time someone has done this, and every fucking time, someone wants to jump on the boat of retardation by claiming it's Chris when it isn't. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 10:17, 17 November 2010 (PST)
***We can still agree it's all utterly retarded. --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 10:22, 17 November 2010 (PST)

The original article has been deleted. CWCki is not a place to advertise your website. If it gains notoriety, I'm sure we'll hear about it. As creator of the website, there's a [[Wikipedia:WP:COI|Conflict of Interest]] with you writing an article about your own website. Seems like you also put the article's content on your userpage, which is fine as you can basically put whatever you like there. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:10, 17 November 2010 (PST)

== I am an honest Sonichu fan ==

I will make this clear: I am not a troll, Chris-chan, a "newfag", or retarded.

Saying that something has no fanbase is always conjecture at most, as there is always a chance of somebody liking it. Also, there are various franchises that no longer run that have fanbases. Personally, I don't like Sonichu for its art or plot or anything, I simply like it because it is a glimpse into someone's mind, and the way they deal with what happens in their life.

For people saying that I am acting like Chris in some way, I am not doing it on purpose. I am also autistic, which may cause similarities in our behaviour or mannerisms.
*To quote the "[[True and Loyal Fanbase]]" article, "There are no actual Sonichu fans. Literally none... Consider this: If there actually was one, wouldn't we have found out about them by now?" Over the years Sonichu has been known, every "fan" has been a bullshit attention whore. Empiricism prevails here. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:21, 17 November 2010 (PST)
**Considering how you treat people who admit it, I wouldn't be surprised if every other real Sonichu fan is forced to hide it. I am just trying to be brave and speak my mind and tell people about my site. Chris' work on his Sonichu comics inspired me to do something in my spare time, and I just want to share that something with people on the internet.
***A) Chris is not mainstream. There's no way he'd be your first exposure to an "inspirational" autistic guy and his work is horribly sub-par. B) Chris is the least inspirational person ever. Stop faking a disability. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 14:13, 17 November 2010 (PST)
****I am NOT faking a disability. I am aware that Chris is not mainstream, but I have not spent a lot of time on the internet. I was introduced to Sonichu via my older brother, who told me about the comics and thought I'd be interested because I like Sonic and Pokémon. I am aware that Chris' work is sub-par, but the fact that they are sub-par and that he persevered in uploading them up to a certain point is part of what I like about them. [[User:SherwinKing|SherwinKing]] 14:37, 17 November 2010 (PST)
:Um, about that(if this isn't metatroling and you really are learning disabled)... You do know the people here are trolls, so branding yourself a fan and spamming your email and websites is basically daring them to come after you. I'm not saying I'll do anything it doesn't matter to me, but don't be surprised if bored regulars from /cwc/ decide to bandwidth rape your site or flood your email with Trojans; if that isn't what you're trying to provoke you might want to tone back on your trail a bit.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 16:45, 17 November 2010 (PST)
Please sign your messages using four tildes <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki> --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 14:06, 17 November 2010 (PST)

== E-mail ==

You should probably remove the link to your e-mail. With the other information you've revealed, you're just asking to be trolled.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 16:28, 17 November 2010 (PST)
:You might not need to warn him, after looking at King's site and posting style it does seem like he's a likely troll: the site has stuff that seems to be there just to provoke cwc anons ("there's nothing you can do about it"), it's likely just attention whoring. His writing fits this as well, it looks like a forced attempt to emulate Chris' weird syntax-grammar combination; autistic or not people don't normally write like that.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 17:00, 17 November 2010 (PST)
::That, and the email is obviously part of the setup. --[[User:Torchwood|Torchwood]] 17:05, 17 November 2010 (PST)

User talk:SherwinKing

2010-11-18T01:05:52Z

Torchwood:

User talk:SherwinKing

2010-11-17T14:43:35Z

Torchwood:

Christian Weston Chandler

2010-11-17T14:38:16Z

Torchwood: Undo revision 125302 by SherwinKing (talk) Was just fine before.

''This article is about Christian Weston Chandler, the Internet's favorite autistic manchild. For all other uses please visit [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]''

{{Quote|"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dante_Alighieri Dante Alighieri's] [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Divine_Comedy/Inferno/Canto_III ''Inferno'', canto III, verse IX]}}

{{Honest}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
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! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-Chan Ricardo Weston Chandler CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris Chrissy Junior Jenkins [[Carlos Chantor]] ''[[Homos|Homo]] virginicus''
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[1982]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| 5'10" (1.78 m)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Welfare leech

Making [[fail|failtastic]] [[Sonichu]] comics
|-
|}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (''né'' '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]), is a [[Chris and Rape|perverse]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|disgusting]], [[Chris and the law|quarrelsome]], [[Chris and anger|mean-spirited]], [[Death threats|spiteful]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissistic]], [[homos|homophobic]], [[Chris and sex|sexist]], [[niggos|racist]], [[Chris and health|overweight]], [[Chris and reality|delusional]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|stubborn]], [[Chris and religion|heretical]], [[art|completely]] and [[writing|utterly]] [[music|untalented]] "[[autism|high-functioning autistic]]" [[virgin with rage|virgin]] man-child, and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[fail|brilliant]] crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]] - sorry, [[Chris and copyright|original creation]] - starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit videogame franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Racism|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his laughably [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him.

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|ORIGINAL IDENTITY. DO NOT [[Liquid Chris|STEAL]]]]
Much like the devil, Christian Weston Chandler goes by many names. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]." In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan." Unusually, Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or for even greater accuracy "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler." He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick." Interestingly 'clownish tender anarchist' is a perfect anagram of Chris' full name.

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo," and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler," or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

He occasionally uses the names of his characters, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] and of course [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into a superheroic hedgehog himself, named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].

{{-}}

==Overview==

[[Image:CWCBitchesDunno.jpg|thumb|It's all right Chris, we already know since you annoy us to death about it]]

Chris is a timid, [[chris_and_his_ego|self-absorbed]] little man who has been allowed—by [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barb|parents]] and/or his [[autism]]—to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single bedroom in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep [[dirty crapped briefs|shitting your pants]] you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

[[Chris and art|Chris cannot draw. At all.]] Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 23, when the hand-drawn [[Sonichu 0|premiere issue]] of ''Sonichu'' was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the [[Chris and sex|sexual]] maturity of a young adult male. As a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight. Oh, he also [[recycling|swallows his own semen]] and [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]]. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]
[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|Evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of a Chris-chan...in [[Wikipedia:Pogs|POG]] form (yes, those are homemade POGS). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99]]

Chris claims his first word, "[[Fail|monkey]]," was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties regardless of how obviously unlikely it is to be true.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy.

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that [[Wikipedia:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]] lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl — if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.)

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian," which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school." Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree at [[Wikipedia:KB Toys|Kay Bee Toys]] as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a more worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[IBAChandler|some elaborate troll]].

This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to leverage his autism for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[The Creepy Stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg

</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]]]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 7]], [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8P12.htm page 22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried like a little bitch during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high-school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high-school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's (non)award winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face." Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre.''
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.]]
</gallery>}}

{{clear}}

===Adult adventures===

{{Quote|"It is certain, that even the most ignorant and stupid peasants, nay infants, nay even brute beasts, improve by experience.|[[Wikipedia:David Hume|David Hume]], [[Love_quest|having never met Chris]]}}

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]]. Many women have gouged their eyes out after seeing it.]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on Sonichu, launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|retarded newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his bullshit.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend… allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly traumatized by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear]]

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', [[masturbation|masturbating]] and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a local game and card shop. Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric-Hedgehog [[Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storylines began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==

{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH]]

Chris's rare talent was discovered when he posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life was never the same again.

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008 Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7]] unless his vast fan base rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce videos, comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which only expanded coverage of Chris's hijinks.
{{clear}}

==Chris today==

{{main|2008|2009|2010}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]]]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell Sonichu products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|[[OkCupid|Hello]] [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This appears to be connected to a reduction in his online presence, and the disappearance of his [[medallion]] and his [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]]. Of late Chris has become paranoid and has grown more suspicious of anyone online, imploring everyone to meet him in person if they ''really'' want to get to know him. Of course, Chris has [[List of Chris's Lies|a penchant for lying]], so talking to him in real life is as pointless as talking to him online.

Chris's desire to avoid being fooled has not made him any better at doing it, and the smart money was that sooner or later he'll fall for some "girl" that asks him to [[BlueSpike|shove stuff up his ass]]. No matter how hard Chris tries to avoid the trolling, he will always inexplicably find someone to troll him.

Today Chris continues to live with his parents, living off the [[monthly tugboat|money]] he receives from the federal government as compensation for his autism, which allegedly renders him incapable of contributing to society. Since he has no job and is usually banned from any place he visits for more than thirty minutes, Chris has few social outlets and has grown increasingly withdrawn. In his desperate need for attention, he repeatedly returns to the trolls, unwittingly proving that the only people who will put up with him are those who just want him to do something stupid for them to laugh at.

==Featured fan videos==

{{collapsible
|Music videos about the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The End of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lddgCHYKSG4}}
| Stardate = 2 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Rebirth of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HSTicQs4Ke8}}
| Stardate = 12 April 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan is Pitiful
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gsbzB26sQwk}}
| Stardate = 2 August 2009
| Maker = CreepyMcCreep
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Resident Chris-chan 3: Dating Ground
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8rRi90wfvHI}}
| Stardate = 1 October 2009
| Maker = MewLine
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = Part 3 of the series
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = IICHH-TIPM - the 503 faces of Chris-Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YHfZ9XCMUQQ }}
| Stardate = 13 October 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC a sad story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 'My Name Is Christian Weston Chandler' Theatrical Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TQfvFw1GMXA}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/wtfdavemustaine wtfdavemustaine]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Show Must Go On
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HZqqFUeoaEg }}
| Stardate = 12 December 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/Secretevilguy Secretevilguy]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Cwcville Show
| video = {{#ev:youtube|rDyg8bxeyTM}}
| Stardate = 23 December 2009
| Maker = BigBlackPony
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = When Chris-Chan's Gone
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DE2OOsKrvoU}}
| Stardate = 3 January 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/tehcosmicexplorer08 tehcosmicexplorer08]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]], Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]], Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==

{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris-Chan (fanart)|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

{{Chris and}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Book10Replacement

2010-10-31T22:52:57Z

Torchwood: I think there's a 'between' in there.

'''Book10Replacement''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, with the presentation style of the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris shows off the "[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|corrected]]" version of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], something he claimed to have started on months prior.

Instead of being executed, the Asperpedia Four are sentenced to live among the Amish for the rest of their lives, without access to the Internet and thus without the ability to troll. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] dies after crashing into a mountain, and [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]] is imprisoned for marijuana possession.

These new pages are horrendously unfinished even by Chris's standards. None of them are colored and the majority of the action is textwalling. The dialog is appallingly dull even by ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' standards. One wonders why he bothered.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Book10Replacement
| video = {{#ev:youtube|E15yCuxm_Fs}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| previous = [[WelcometoBollywood]]
| next = [[DrainedCreativity]]
}}

===Transcript===

'''Chris:''' Wait--it is done! Now I can reveal to you the true pages of which... replace... the ones that were gory... and outrageous! Starting with Page 90 where we ended the trial! 
'''Sean:''' In our defense... we have a rock... 
'''Judge:''' I think we've heard enough...jury? 
'''Jury:''' We, the jury, find the defendants guilty times four! 
'''Judge:''' I agree! I hereby sentence the four of them to residence in an [[Wikipedia:Amish|Amish]] community! No technology access whatsoever, for the rest of their lives! Court is adjourned! 
[''Next page''] 
'''Narrator:''' Meanwhile, in the D.C. Maximum Security Prison... 
'''[[Slaweel Yram]]:''' Eeheehee! My spell is completed! I will wreak havoc on [[CWCville|that city]] once again! I am Slaweel! 
[''Next page: Slaweel has been knocked into the wall by an explosion of some sort.''] 
'''Slaweel:''' Dang it! 
'''Guard:''' Hahahaha! Another failed spell, 06960? 
'''Slaweel:''' Shut up! 
'''Guard:''' Anyway, you have a new cellmate. 
[Slaweel's new cellmate is revealed to be [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s woman love slave.''] 
'''Slaweel:''' So, what did they get you for, lady? 
[''Next page''] 
'''Kathleen:''' Hm, well, [''?''], Slaweel. Anyway after the [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent_Garbage]] building collapse, Jason and I made our escape. After we got away we had a fight and he dumped me. He had caught me cheating with the secretary! I was distraught. I went and got-- and used some [[Tobacky|marijuana]]... a lot of it! The police caught me using it, I was tried, and now here I am! I heard Jason crashed into a mountain and died. That son of a [[Chris and Censorship|*BEEP*]] got what he deserved. Trolling and torturing innocent people is devil's work anyway! Hmm. 
'''Slaweel:''' Did you smuggle any MJ in?! 
'''Kathleen:''' No, they frisked me and got all I had from between my breasts and up my asshole. [?] 
'''Slaweel:''' Oh. 
[''Next page: we see an extremely crude depiction of a horse-drawn carriage.''] 
'''Narrator:''' One month later, in the Amish community... 
[''Chris makes clopping noises.''] 
[''Next page: [[Mao]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] are dressed in Amish clothing''] 
'''Alec:''' Good day, neighbor Mao! 
'''Mao:''' Good day, neighbor Alec! 
'''Alec:''' How are you today? 
'''Mao:''' I had a pleasant night's sleep, and my mandatory chosen wife--my mandatorily chosen wife, she had fixed a good bacon and eggs with biscuits for breakfast! It is good. 
'''Alec:''' Yes it is. 
[''Chris hums a tune as we see Sean step on a rake lying on the ground and get whacked in the face. This joke is almost certainly "borrowed" from [[The Simpsons]] episode "[[Wikipedia:Cape Feare|Cape Feare]]."''] 
[''Next page: The Amish trolls continue to talk.''] 
'''Alec:''' Well! Neighbor Sean has hit himself with the rake again. 
'''Mao:''' Yes. 
'''Alec:''' He has been doing good being the village idiot his whole life. 
'''Mao:''' I agree. 
'''Alec:''' I am looking forward merrily to today's barn raising. Ms. Baisley is making her famous beans and bread. 
'''Mao:''' Ms. Baisley is making her beans and bread again? I enjoy her beans and bread greatly. I enjoy her good food with her delicious milk freshly squeezed from her teats. 
'''Alec:''' Yes, her bovine breasts give the best milk around, neighbor Mao. 
'''[[Evan Christopher George]]:''' Neighbor Mao? neighbor Alec, you are mistaken! I am neighbor Evan. 
'''Alec:''' Oh dear! I am in error. Where is neighbor Mao? 
'''Evan:''' He has gone to the store for vittles. 
[''Next page: Mao is in the general store.''] 
'''Mao:''' Good day, shopkeep! I would like two pounds of black-eyed beans, ten carrots and fifty pounds of grain. And have you seen my pussy? She has run off attached to the teats of my lovely wife. 
[''Next page: Same as the ending of the original [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]].''] 
'''Chris:''' And then the end of the story. Those are the replacement pages for book number ten. Thank you very much and have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[WelcometoBollywood]]|nextlink=[[DrainedCreativity]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Template:Da update

2010-10-30T16:23:46Z

Torchwood: redirecting the ghostbusters bit at the video

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 30 October - Chris decides to talk about [[Don'tPintheOop|dirty, crapped briefs]], [[ShowerClean|clean his shower]], [[SpaghettiRoutine|pretend to cook]], [[WelcometoBollywood|pretends he's doing Bollywood]], [[Book10Replacement|finally redoes Sonichu 10]], [[DrainedCreativity|but then blames trolls for no more Sonichu]], [[DivineTrial|pretends he's in a trial]], [[Juggalo_ShoutOut|gives a shout out to the Juggalos]], [[Shower_Before_and_After|compares his hair]], [[Ghostbusters_(video)|pretends he's in the Ghostbusters]], and [[ToJackie|begs Jackie not to leave him]].
* 25 October - Chris [[SonichuBabies|plays with sonees & roseys]], [[PlayingHouse|plays with legos]], [[Wigwam|smokes tobacky]], and uploads a [[DayOut|series of videos of him driving around]]. Later, Chris [[WeighIn|weighs himself]] and [[FullHouse|sings the ''Full House'' theme]].
* 19 October - Chris uploads a remake of him [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|giving birth]], followed by [[a Workout|a workout]].
('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, including new videos, family news and updates to ongoing [[saga]]s. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Book10Replacement

2010-10-30T16:10:53Z

Torchwood: Created page with "http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler#p/u/7/E15yCuxm_Fs Chris shows off the 'corrected' version of issue 10."

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler#p/u/7/E15yCuxm_Fs

Chris shows off the 'corrected' version of issue 10.

Template:Da update

2010-10-30T16:08:27Z

Torchwood:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 30 October - Chris decides to talk about [[Don'tPintheOop|dirty, crapped briefs]], [[ShowerClean|clean his shower]], [[SpaghettiRoutine|pretend to cook]], [[WelcometoBollywood|pretends he's doing Bollywood]], [[Book10Replacement|finally redoes Sonichu 10]], [[DrainedCreativity|but then blames trolls for no more Sonichu]], [[DivineTrial|pretends he's in a trial]], [[Juggalo_ShoutOut|gives a shout out to the Juggalos]], [[Shower_Before_and_After|compares his hair]], [[Ghostbusters|pretends he's in the Ghostbusters]], and [[ToJackie|begs Jackie not to leave him]].
* 25 October - Chris [[SonichuBabies|plays with sonees & roseys]], [[PlayingHouse|plays with legos]], [[Wigwam|smokes tobacky]], and uploads a [[DayOut|series of videos of him driving around]]. Later, Chris [[WeighIn|weighs himself]] and [[FullHouse|sings the ''Full House'' theme]].
* 19 October - Chris uploads a remake of him [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|giving birth]], followed by [[a Workout|a workout]].
('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, including new videos, family news and updates to ongoing [[saga]]s. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Ghostbusters (video)

2010-10-30T15:50:52Z

Torchwood: Not sure what to name this. page name 'ghostbusters, is taken, but a lot of his uploads were .mov format, so I guessed.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianWChandler#p/u/1/J6jiSw3D4C8

Chris plays guitar hero badly, and howls.

ToJackie

2010-10-30T15:46:33Z

Torchwood: Created page with "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53pObVcCj2s Chris begging Jackie not to leave him."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53pObVcCj2s

Chris begging Jackie not to leave him.

DivineTrial

2010-10-30T15:40:47Z

Torchwood: Created page with "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAvNrc1A9VI Chrissy wears his fake boobs, and misunderstands, but absolutely lives up to, the term 'kangaroo court.'"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAvNrc1A9VI

Chrissy wears his fake boobs, and misunderstands, but absolutely lives up to, the term 'kangaroo court.'

DrainedCreativity

2010-10-30T15:34:45Z

Torchwood: Created page with "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XttDWIHMEdM Chrissy whines about the trolls draining his creativity."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XttDWIHMEdM

Chrissy whines about the trolls draining his creativity.

EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW

2010-08-27T16:40:09Z

Torchwood: receded, not reclined.

"'''EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW'''" is a video in which [[Chris]] informs his [[fanbase]] and former classmates that he wishes to organize a [[Manchester High School]] reunion very soon, seemingly unaware both that his organizational skills lack the capacity to plan a good prom and that a reunion for his year already has been planned and he was deliberately not invited. The video came after 3 months of radio silence from Chris, but, aside from a [[hair]]line that has receded quite a bit, it is clear that nothing about him has changed in meantime.

After his plea, Chris goes on to claim that divine retribution is coming for the [[trolls]], tells an [[Random-access humor|unfunny joke]] about his visibly growing girth and gives advice on how to avoid being trolled. The best part is where he urges the viewers to keep their private information off the internet only ''moments'' after giving out his [[Christian Weston Chandler|real name]], [[14 Branchland Court|full street address]] and [[Prank calls|phone number]] ''yet again''.

Chris also claims to be a "Trollbuster", part of a mysterious and unknown group [[Chris and his Ego|working worldwide to stop trolling and cyberbullying]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gQ-dpgxZruI}}
| stardate = 27 August 2010
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = Manchester Class of 2000 T-shirt
| previous = [[June062010.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

== Transcription ==

''The video opens with Chris holding a digitally edited picture of the rear of his [[ModNation Racers]] School Bus shakily in front of the camera for approximately nine seconds. The bus has "[[Chris and his Ego|CWC]]" splashed across the top, with a license plate "[[USA]]" in red, white and blue. When he finally speaks, he is holding up a Manchester High Yearbook much as he once held [[It's UGH!|Optimus Prime]]. His tone is wistful and nostalgic.''

Hello. I am well known on the Internet, sadly. I am Christian Weston Chandler of... Ruckersville, Virginia. I was a Manchester High School student, graduated class of 2000. [''brief pause, [[Pedo-glasses|dramatic glasses removal]]''] Aaand, I am looking into having the reunion... or putting it together. Because I have not heard from anyone about it... not even from the principal of Manchester High. Of which... so in that- so with that I-... I am looking to- I am looking out... I am looking out to everyone, to... all, to my class- to my 2000 class mates... we know who you are and I know who you are, got your names-

[''Chris slaps the cover with his hand. His tone becomes particularly wistful at this point.'']

-got your names in the year book, in the... senior year book. In my class. I have have been looking forward to this r-reunion... since the [[senior prom]], where at the end of that slideshow.. it said "See you in ten years [[speech impediment|flguh]] the reunion". [''Chris's face becomes somber.''] The reunion hasn't happened yet. [''Chris displays a partially complete [[Claw of Fail]], imploringly gesturing at the camera much as he did towards [[The Wallflower]]. His face is pained.''] And it HAS to happen. It was basically promised... [''Chris pauses.''] ... not only to me, but to everyone who was at that prom. So this reunion has to happen and I'm going to start it by... reaching out t- reaching out to my classmates. Espe- and also, it would be helpful if I can also... get in contact with those who put together the senior prom... back in 2000.

So with that I urge- I urge, uh... you- all you indivuals... the people who put together prom, AND my classmates, to contact me, Christian Weston Chandler... at [[14 Branchland Court]], Ruckersville Virginia, 55968, or by telephone... at 434 990 0198 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 434 990 0198 end_of_the_skype_highlighting. [''pause''] Again, that's 434 990 0198. [''pause''] [[Trolls|False identities]] will be... discarded... so be sure yer... leave a message, describe- telling us your naaame, where you are right now and your contact information. Basically your phone number. I will not accept e-mail... contact. Which- Because of... because of the [[trolls]] of which brings up my next- my other topic which I would like to address as well.

Cyber-bullying and trolling. It's all not cool, cuz you're just basically.. [[Surfshack Tito|mocking]] and... [[4-cent garbage|terrorizing]]... innocent people. It's not cool. Not cool. Not cool. [''pause''] You don't want to... you don't want to be a bully, like those who picked on you.. in any school, weather it- regardless of it was pre, kindergarden, [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary]], high... whatever. We've all had our bullies in real life... don't be a bully yourself.

[''Chris holds up a hand drawn picture of a green-haired [[Trolls#Devil Trolls|Devil Troll]] standing on in front of an unknown [[Dreams#The watery maze dream|blue stripe]], which is possibly a correction redrawing the red slash at an angle as it is typically rendered. The Devil Troll proudly displays a massive erection, with a red "forbidden" symbol ([[Chris and Art|mostly]]) transposed over the top. The words "Cyber-bullying and trolling are not cool!" are displayed below. Even given the extremely low resolution of Chris's video, it is immediately obvious Chris mistakenly coloured outside the lines in this picture.'']

[[Image:1984.jpg|thumb|Chris urges you to spy on your close friends, neighbours, workmates- anyone.]]

I urge you.. to NOT cyberbully or troll... [[Alec|anyone]]. [''pause''] And also, if you suspect anybody... any close friends, any neighbours, anyone inside your working facilities even, even at such companies like uh- [[Chris and English|Sonic Entertainment of America]], or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo of America]]... there may be a troll, trolling someone like me... within the office. I urge you to do the checks, and report them, [[Wendy's|fire]] their arses. [''Chris glances down at the sheet of paper, then back up''] With your help we can put a [[Muscle bra|BUST]] [''Chris makes a 'masturbation' movement with his fist'']... on trolling and cyber-bullying.

[''Chris puts the paper down out of view. His attitude becomes sullen, forlorn.'']

It's not good. T'... leave it the way it is. We need to take these criminals down. [''Chris taps on his yearbook with his knuckles''] For what they are doing... ['Chris performs [[The Creepy Stare]]'] [[Chris and religion|God... will smite them.]] He knows it- he knows you're [[mass debating|doing it]] you damn trolls. And I know. I'm laughing at you right now. Oh hey- here's a fun little joke. So-So I walk into a [[Coffee Place|Burger King]]... and I says to the employee- to long haired female employee with the pink shirt... "Am I fat?" ... "No." [''Chris brushes his imaginary long [[hair]] in an extremely effeminate gesture''] ... "[[obesity|Chris is fat]]."

[''Chris extends a full blown [[Claw of Fail]] directly at the camera, cackling demonically.'']

Not cool. [''Pause. Chris points at the camera''] You WILL be found in person. And I will give you a [[death threats|piece of my mind]]. Not [[pocket knife|phys- physical violence]]. [''pause''] You trolls are going down. [''Chris points down''] And with the help of all good- with all the good people who agree with me... that trolling is not cool and would never dare to troll anybody, or bully anybody in real life, I urge you to report any suspicious activities to the police. [[Chris and the Law|Or Crimestoppers]]. Also some tips- [[Chris and hypocrisy|keep all your information... your personal information off of the Internet]].

You do not want anybody to be laughing behind your back of [[Recycling|something]]... that shou- should be remain private. And [[nudes|naked photos]] is no good either, definitely not, so keep all private information to yourselves.

Also, don't trust too many people on the Internet unless you actually know that person... in real life... [''pause''] and you trust that person, then I can say that it's okay to trust that person over the Internet. [''Chris's tone becomes malevolent.''] But be wary of most anyone else.

[''Chris makes a small punching movement nearly out of view of the camera.'']

[[Fanbase|We're]] the Troll- we're the [[Ghostbusters|Trollbusters]]. And together, we will work WORLDWIDE [''Chris makes a much more emphatic punch in clear view''] to put a stop to bullying and cyber-bullying. [''pause; Chris holds a 'thumbs up' gesture for some time''] Yeah.

[''Chris picks up the yearbook again.''] Class 2000 reunion. It has to happen and I need the help of my classmates. And the people who put together prom. [''Chris's face is pleading''] Call me. Snail mail me. Get in contact with me.

[''Another, brief, thumbs up gesture'']

Have a good day. Be safe.

[''Chris turns off the camera.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[6 June 2010]]|nextlink=Current}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Matthew Nobles call

2010-08-17T22:21:34Z

Torchwood:

This is important shit guys, mostly detailing Bob's theory of the conspiracy that trolling originated from [[Megan]], Michael Synder, and "a few gay guys."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:38, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Yeah, this is awesome. Now, if we had Matthew's email, we could verify the "George Millson" case a few of us are looking into, seeing as it's possible proof of Chris hypnotizing someone into believing Chris is a good person. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 19:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::What are you talking about? --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Either look at the talk pages of either CypherFDP, Msummers or me, or email enginegeorge@yahoo.com asking what happened between him and Chris. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 20:41, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Most upsetting Bob oriented thing to date. He's equally responsible for Chris growing up to be a useless sack of shit. I liked the world better when I thought it was all Barb's fault. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** It's the final proof that Chris's vague understanding of reality and tendency towards conspiracy are just him puppetting his senile father and white trash mother. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** I think you mean "parotting". I doubt Chris is able to project his delusions onto even his own parents. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:14, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** Even further than that, the fact that Chris didn't tell his parents about his near-arrest and tried to hide it proves that he is either very afraid of them or will do anything to avoid trouble (even if it is impractical or impossible). I'm also very interested in this apparent theft of Chris's funds. I'm wondering if someone really did break in to mess with his account, or whether Chris bought more shit than he could afford, and is trying to cover it up by claiming "trolls did it" --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 20:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**Sully, I knew all along that Bob was behind Chris's shit as much as Snorlax. My suspicion was confirmed as fact to almost everyone else (including you) with this call. Just because he punished Chris once in the past does'nt mean that he's a good parent. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 17:58, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
Who is that at the end? Sounds like Chris but...really off... - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Snorlaxicus Maximus. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** Oh snap! So is this her longest appearance in recorded media? - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** This needs to get transcribed, this is really good material. [[User:Notslowpoke|Notslowpoke]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**** ffffffffffffffff why did it get cut off at the end? i wanna hear more of snorlax's rambling --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 20:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT). Thanks for reading!

Nine hours without a transcription. Sons, I am disapoint.
:I'm on the part where Bob talks about trolls hacking Chris's e-mails. This shit is gold. --[[User:Espanolic|Espanolic]] 20:44, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:*Fuck. As usual, something new comes along when I'm at work. I'll take a look as soon as I get home, assuming Beat doesn't get word of this and leap upon it like the sexy, caped crusader for justice that he is. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 21:01, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

Transcribed. Hopefully without too many mistakes. I'll colorize it as soon as I get myself nice and drunk. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:And colored. Tugboat Captain if you see any of your additions that I missed coloring, sorry, and please reinsert them. Oh, and I redacted the gAME pLACE phone number because I wasn't sure how kosher it was. If anyone wants to throw it in go right on ahead. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:* Added a thing here or there, I was working on transcribing it for the past few hours too, but ya beat me to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

And maybe it's just me, but when Matthew says his own name at the beggining, it soulds like Nobles, with an "s". Confirm/deny? Anybody actually know him (how'd we get this in the first place)? --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:52, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**Actually, I've listened to it, and it really does sound like he's saying Nobles. - [[User:CypherFDP|CypherFDP]] 02:58, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

**I made some very minor changes, including adding the s onto the first Nobles. [[User:Enibure|Enibure]] 19:39, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==File format==
Could someone with a converter link to an mp3 version of the file? None of the media players on my computer support .ogg files. [[User:Ganondorfdude11|Ganondorfdude11]] 19:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*Use VLC, dude.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

== Best Buy/Bank incident ==

Do we know more about this bank incident? Sounds to me like Chris probably got caught up in some sort of scam and blamed the DAMN DIRTY TROLLS for it. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 22:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Considering how stupid and naive Chris is, I wouldn't put it past him. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 22:26, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:So, either trolls deliberatley going after him, some usual credit card fraud that happened to happen to Chris, or Chris lying out his ass to try to cover himself. Either way, Matthew is a master of Zen for speaking with a straight voice after that paragraph.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:I doubt it's as much "credit card fraud" as Chris-chan [[Chris and money|being his own spend-spreeing self]]. Bob got a wind of his statement, and Chris did the first thing that came to his mind: blame someone else. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Either way, if trolls actually did it or Chris did it and is now lying about it, someone could get in some serious trouble for credit card fraud. If it is indeed Chris' doing, this could get good. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:36, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if it ''is'' Chris' own fault (which *is* the most probable scenario), it's not fraud- if somehow he did commit fraud, it'd be entirely on accident, I'm sure. Lying to your parents about your massive debt; dumb as all fuck (read: par for course), but not illegal. Chris stealing his parents cards; that IS fraud, but the only way that'd get taken to court is if Bob and Snorlax themselves somehow decided to kick Chris out and sue him. As fucking awesome as that'd be, not a chance in hell. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 02:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: I think Chris just spent too much money and blamed those DAMN DIRTY TROLLS--[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 07:48, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: What I meant by fraud is assuming that somehow (Likely through Bob or Barbara) Chris finds out that he can call the credit card company and say that the charges were unauthorized and get them taken off the account. I could see Chris abusing this very quickly. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 12:13, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::::: Oh, in that case: :D --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 20:14, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::::: It shouldn't be that hard to convince Chris to upload a copy of his latest credit card statement. We know he spends a LOT on [[PS3|PSN DLC]], but what about his other purchases? Credit card companies take fraud claims very seriously, and would at the bare minimum shut off the card while they conduct an investigation. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]]

==Follow up call?==
I totally think somebody should phone them up again pretending to be the owner of the GAMe PLACe this time, following on from this comment from Bob:

''"Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's corrupting the whole neighborhood!"''

It'd be nice to hear some more conspiratorial shit from Boblax about how the GAMe PLACe is "corrupting the whole neighborhood!", and we know that they are chomping at the bit to talk to the owner. Just a though...-[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 22:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*"It's all a plot by the GAMe PLACe in league with the Greene County School District to persecute our son for being autistic. The Jews and gays are sent by them to harass Christian just for being the understanding, God-fearing, well-adjusted, mature young man we raised him to be. There's also some connection to the hispanics and blacks to keep him from getting a job and taking away all the white women keeping him from his true love."--[[User:PhilRaptor|PhilRaptor]] 23:29, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:*Could be worse: Bob and Chris could know the word "Sheeple."--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:57, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

::*Worse yet, Bob could know people in the Tea Party. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 09:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==You do realize...==
That Matthew sounds just like Alec Benson Leary right? Coincidence? I think not. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 22:50, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Apparently we don't like to disclose identities of trolls, but I think "ALB" of the calls, the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] cameraman, and the Mr. Hyde of [[Magical Man Potion]] are the same person. Probably a Charlottesville FA. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:07, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::I thought the same thing when he started talking. This is the most interesting thing to happen in months, hopefully we can find out about the credit card business and all of that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:28, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

== Letter ==

What sort of letter would Bob want to be sent? Chris steals troll-related mail and Bob is already talking to the (supposed) Game Place employee on the phone, so what sense does it make to want a letter? --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:49, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Bob doesn't know that Chris steals the troll mail.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::Too bad we do not know the mechnics of how exactly. Like does Bob or Snorlax actually get the mail out of the box, or does Chris do it? If maybe Bob would see stuff on a postcard before Chris got to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:55, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if they receive a large number of postcards/letters over one day or a week containing information they may not know (house tour still being online and whatever else people can think of), they would have a better chance of seeing something or Chris getting freaked out at all these letters coming in from around the country. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 03:53, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

== Sent video to Michael Snyder ==
{{Not A Forum}}
I sent the video to Michael on YouTube; he needs to get a hold of this and address the video considering that Bob and Barb want to talk to him THAT bad. Even though he probably gets hundreds of messages and somebody may have already sent him the vid, I just felt it was important that he got a hold of this. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:00, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:Isn't there a possibility Michael won't be happy that someone is pretending to work at the Game Place? I don't really know his personality or how he feels about the trolling but if it brings him into it I'm not really sure if he wants that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 10:05, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I bet Mike would see the caller's intentions (knock sense into Chris's parents); even though he might be a little miffed that someone was posing as an employee of his store, he's unlikely to go ballistic over the matter like Chris would because the caller was only trying to reason with Chris's parents. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:21, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Regardless how he takes the use of his store as a cover, I am sure Mike will be more than glad to share with us his views of his rise to fame as a conspiracy mastermind. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 10:38, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I was just thinking this as well. Posing as anyone from The Game Place is pretty risky. There's a big potential for collateral damage to innocent parties. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 13:31, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:Why would you decide to be the guy to do this? If Snyder reacts poorly to someone posing as one of his employees, we could easily be the ones to lose out. You also (presumably) have no idea if alerting Snyder conflicts with the plans of the person who was good enough to bring us this call. I've been happily lurking the CWCki for a stupidly long time and have never felt the need to get involved, but was moved to register today just to point out that this may be a stupendously dumbfuck move. [[User:LisaLisa|LisaLisa]] 16:48, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::Pretty much what LisaLisa said... I've looked at your talk page, and you have a history of doing shit that is totally unnecessary without asking. You'd think you would have learned by now.--[[User:Inos|Inos]] 05:09, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

*When you say they want to talk to Snyder that bad, are you getting that from where they say they want to talk to the owner? Cos they don't mean Snyder, the owner is someone else. If you're talking about them accusing Snyder of fraud, well, maybe that's something he should be made aware of. --[[User:Silomentality|Silomentality]] 17:35, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
**The latter was the reason why I alerted Snyder; accusations of credit card fraud and stealing money from somebody's bank account are extremely serious, especially behind somebody's back (in this case Mike's). If he knew of the allegations, the Chandlers could be in deep shit for accusing him of a crime that he never committed, especially when there is no evidence of fraud. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 19:15, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
**God dammit Famicon, don't do this ever again. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 05:22, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
*** That was a really dumb thing to do Famicon. --[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 08:26, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
**** Hey, Famicon. If accusations caused legal trouble the way you think they do, half the internet would be in prison. You're a fucking idiot. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 09:56, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
***** Whatever --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:20, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
***** BTW Sully (and everyone else pissed with me), you're the idiots here for seriously expecting me to cover up an alleged plot that I was never notified of. Hell I'll even CALL the Game Place if you guys don't chill out about this >:). --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:28, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** Let guess, you're going to scream JULAYY, right?--[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 10:53, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** Jesus Christ. I think there should be some sort of application process/IQ test before people are allowed in here/PVCC/etc. [[User:Xanatos|Xanatos]] 11:24, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** Goddamnit, Famicon. How old are you? 12? That's the only type of person I could think of who would do something as stupid as that. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 11:58, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** You were never notified? Since when did anything have to be run by you? Nobody is pissed because you did something without the approval of an inner circle that doesn't exist, people are pissed because what you did was fucking retarded. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 11:53, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
******* *also parrots what other people have already said, adding nothing and cluttering up this page even further* -[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 12:20, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
Yeah, I’m going to agree-

There’s been a rash of these (people preventing the natural occurrence of events, like with the wallflower) lately, and maybe the lack of content lately is driving the less tempered kooky, but it really needs to get toned down.

I know you little kids want to be the next great troll, but honestly, you’re not that good. Why not just make a quick post asking if this would be a good idea? Is it because if you mentioned the idea on here before implementing it, maybe someone else would do it before you and get the credit?

Stop trying to gain reputation. Next time, Famicom64, ask and gain the wisdom of the crowd. If your idea is as dumb as your last one, you’d get some insight as to why and the possibility of potential damage would be prevented. --[[User:ScottyBNickles|ScottyBNickles]] 12:14, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

* Famicon, this isn't a goddamn coverup. If it was, you wouldn't know dick about it. It's a prank call that was released to the CWCki for everyone to enjoy during the current dry spell and in your attempts to be a SUPER HARDCORE EPIC TROLL you've made yourself out to be a jackass. Then, when confronted about it by far more skilled trolls like Sully, you have the nerve to give him an attitude? Where do you get off? Saying "My bad, I guess my plan wasn't so great" or something of that nature would've been entirely sufficient but instead you responded with "whatever" and called everyone idiots for being (rightfully) pissed with you. Trolling is about teamwork, especially when it comes to Chris. We work together in a group, we run things by each other, and if we screw up we accept it; not pass it off and pretend like we were right all along. Ya dun' goof'd, admit it before you make an ass out of yourself even more. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 14:09, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
** Well said there. This stuff was risky as,and could have easily been prevented with a degree of intelligence. --[[User:MEANWHILE|MEANWHILE]] 15:14, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
**I don't do much here, so feel free to disregard this, but while the reasons behind what Famicon did were pretty retarded, I think that Michael should have been informed about this. He, Lucas, and Mimms have all been supportive, tacitly or otherwise, of us for a long time, and Mike should at least be extended the courtesy of being told when we're doing things that might involve him. While the allegations that Bob and Barb threatened to bring up would most certainly come to nothing, Mike should still be made aware of the possibility of two irate rednecks getting ready to call his boss. If he was informed before all this, however, again, disregard this. [[User:Torchwood|Torchwood]] 15:21, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

CWC Blog

2010-06-22T15:04:58Z

Torchwood:

__NOTOC__
{{Honest}}

The '''CWC Blog''' or '''Captain's Log''' (no relation to [[Captain's Log|the video logs]]) section of [[CWCipedia]] is where Chris tells the world about his goings-on when he's too lazy to fire up his [[PSEye]] and do a proper [[YouTube]] video. And given how much time his fat ass is plopped in front of his [[PS3]], that's extraordinarily lazy.

Chris hardly used this section of the CWCipedia in its early days. The only message in this section for months was a post about some HONEST TRUTHS regarding trolls, merchandising, and his [[homos|straightness]]. But usage of this section started heating up after [[Kacey]] left him and his copyright was challenged. He began to post some updates about his copyright situation, about trying to work with [[Vivian]] to get a cut of the money she earned through her [[Audiobooks]], and to give excuses for why he once again hasn't gotten around to scribbling out his [[Sonichu (comic)|shit comic]]. He's likely using this section in an attempt to show the world that he does such [[Father Call|HARD WORK]] on the comic in order to win the [[China|respect]] of Kacey or possibly other future [[sweethearts]].

The headings of the following entries are dated in Chris's time zone, though the times and dates that appear at the end of each blog post are inserted by the wiki and are in Central European Time, so they may reflect a date different from Chris's viewpoint.

==August 2009==

===24 August 2009===

I wish to make a few points of Honest Truth here.

1. THERE ARE NO OFFICIAL [[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]] or [[Rosechu|ROSECHU]] MERCHANDISE YET. I WAS NEVER AT THE OTAKON. [[CChanSonichuCWC|The guy in the Brown Stripes]] claiming to be me is [[Ian Brandon Anderson|An Impostor]] and A Poser. DO NOT BUY ANYTHING UNTIL I GIVE THE WORD ON THE "CAPTAIN'S LOG" Personally that it would be Official and Legitimate.

2. Ignore ALL [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"Videos" portraying me in a Wrong Sense]], ESPECIALLY IF IT IS NOT on MY TRUE YouTube Account, '''ChristianWChandler'''.

3. I have called myself a [[trolls|Troll]], because I am Trolling my Trolls Back, so in a Sense, I, [[Christian Weston Chandler]], am a Troll, but I am NOT A TROLL to any and all [[True_and_Loyal_Fanbase|Honest, True People]].

4. "It Is Okay To Be [[naive|STUPID]] Sometimes"; It Is Not Okay To Be [[homos|Homosexual]] and Boast About it as well. BUT I will personally Not Judge one or Separate any individual People as such; I am cool with being Friends with the homosexuals. BUT LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY QUESTIONS AFTER I HAVE MADE IT CLEAR SOO MANY TIMES,

5. '''I, Christopher Christian Weston Chandler [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|AM STRAIGHT]].'''

6. I can work faster with '''Good, Honest [[Show_RESPECT_to_me%2C_"C"CWC|R-E-S-P-E-C-T]]'''. "Find out what it means to me."

Have good faith in me, and the True, Good and Loyal amongst you all shall be rewarded.

I am Working [[duck|Hard]] on getting officially Paper-Published, with Official Sonichu, Rosechu and C.W.C. Merchandise that I will personally sign-off on to follow.

Have a good, safe day. Peace, --[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 21:27, 24 August 2009 (CEST)

==November 2009==

===19 November 2009===

[[Image:CaptiansLogNov19.JPG|thumb|[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN' ONNIT]]!]]

I apologize, but I came up blank on today's page; I am working on it until I have the right idea in my head before I start drawing. But I wanted to make sure I do not leave the Cwcipedia unattended, so I am going to make the "Captian's Log" my Blog Spot (a Quote should only be a quote and not a blog entry).

When I have an update, I will post them here, with an archive; link listed below. If [[Slow-in-the-minds|I come up blank]] one day, I will make an update such as this, or start a new Cwcipedia page for a character or topic, in lieu of a comic page that day; this is a promise.

Other issues on my mind in Cwcville are a video introducing Sonichu to the companies (it may be a two-part video), with advising guidelines provided generously by Vivian, which I deeply appreciate and will use for the script of the video. Thank you, Vivian.

Trolls have been a pain to me in the past, but I will have them all know that their attacks, be they via hurtful phone calls, e-mail or snail-mail, in no way affect me emotionally or mentally. So they can take that and go Get A Life.

I have brought up the new [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag Mailbag] page to the Portal, because these inputs have been brought to my attention, so I will offer personal individual replies to each new set of messages once a week, although I would prefer e-mails to my personal e-mail address, or you may direct your questions to cwcipedia@virginia.usa.com so they would be added to the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag Mailbag] alternatively.

Thank you all for your good and honest patience, faith and patronage.

Have a good and safe day

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 01:29, 20 November 2009 (CET)

===Audiobooks and Videobooks===
*''This message was left at the bottom of the Captian's log space on 19 November and remained there until 25 November, at which point it was given its own page.''

Attention, for all those who have purchased the [[Audiobooks|"Sonichu Audiobook DVD"]], please Direct ALL questions, comments and complaints to the owner of this youtube account, http://www.youtube.com/user/vivitheg#grid/user/4EAA2A54AFDDFBE1, Vivian Gee at her e-mail address, starroadgeno@hotmail.com.

I, Christian Weston Chandler, in the past disproved her [[parody|parodic]] and flawed audiobooks and her DVD creations and sales. But due to the [[Chris and Anger|Peace of Mind]] I have finally found, I am in talks with her to make her DVDs an Official Sonichu Merchandise Item with my Approval and a few tweaks, of course.

While I can honestly relate to the content of her Audiobooks, I am not personally responsible for their original creation. To view [[Videobooks|MY Audiobook Readings]], visit the Videobooks section of this website, CWC's Sonichu Site, A.K.A, Cwcipedia.

Thank you all for your continued patronage and support. And please encourage Vivian to come in agreement with me not only for better, and Personally Approved, Audiobook DVDs, but for a better chance for Official Sonichu Merchandise to come sooner.

Again, Vivian's e-mail is starroadgeno@hotmail.com.

===20 November 2009===

Page 81 is drawn, colored, edited and up. For the page, let me offer my personal commentary. [[autism|I hit the block]] yesterday, because I realized that [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|"Chris"]] was originally planned for [[Giovanni]]'s blackmail deal; "Proclaim obedience and control of the city to "Chris", or Rosechu will die." I later remembered [[Reldnahc]], so I put him in that situation instead.

Upon reflection, I feel this is a better story plot, because [[Naitsirhc]] is of more close connection to Giovanni than "Chris" was, plus it gave me the chance to start the link between him and the Devils at "[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent Garbage]]".

Also, let me elaborate, without a plan, it takes me longer to think of what I want to draw and how to draw the scenarios and characters onto the page. But when I have the idea, the roll starts, and the page is drawn. Drawing a page at its best takes an hour at the most, then the coloring takes about half an hour, unless I have a new character on the page and have to choose the color-scheme for that character.

With this page-a-day flow, don't be surprised if more than one page shows up on the Cwcipedia in the same day. ;) But I take my time in thinking, drawing, coloring and all that.

Have a good and safe day,

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 02:33, 21 November 2009 (CET)

===23 November 2009===
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|right|The offending ads in question.]]
I have been busy looking up numbers to get in touch with the people of the videogame, toy, video, and comic industries to make the merchandise come to fruition. Today, I have created and am uploading 4 Videos introducing Sonichu to those people. Firstly, a Personal Presentation, followed by the Powerpoint Presentation. After each fully uploaded video, I will be adding them to the Sonichu Presentations page. Expect all the videos uploaded before midnight tonight and a new page or two tomorrow.

Stay Safe,

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 03:23, 24 November 2009 (CET)

P.S.

The following ads that have been displayed on this website, the Mexico Contest and the (UGH!!!!) gay-rights ads, will be edited (Mexico Contest) or Removed (gay-rights). I have Not approved EITHER ad before their arrival, and I have informed the sysop of this misdeed. GOD!!!

===25 November 2009===
I will be reading and answering the current set of fanmail in the Mailbag shortly after I upload today's page 86.

Considering tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I will make effort to draw 3 or 4 pages and upload them either then or Friday, depending on the time it comes to be upon completion of the goal number.

Also, I have been thinking, although all Sonichu "Merchandise" sold online in the past I have labeled false; I did that, because it came as a surprise to me then, I felt outraged appropriately (most everyone can relate to that; it's comparable to if Godzilla or Clover came to YOUR Metropolis and suddenly attacked your city). I realize now that even though it is still considerably Not Official, it all still is an homage to my creation. So I will make it clear to ALL those Vendors.

As long as it is NOT printed copies of my books' pages, or bootlegged copies of my "Christian Weston Chandler, Yep, I'm On T.V." DVD, AND As Long As I am quoted on ALL websites' and vendors' locations as Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, Cwcville and all of such, I, Christian Weston Chandler, approve of such merchandise from Day Forward. At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, GameStop, Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etcetera and such.

I have spoken, and I wish everyone a Safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 02:17, 26 November 2009 (CET)

===29 November 2009===

Here's the page for today. I had already explained that I was setting my mind on the mailbox reply yesterday, so that was yesterday's update.

Anyway, a couple of things. Firstly, this morning, I was asked to light the First of the four [[Wikipedia:Advent wreath|Advent Candles]] at my [[Wesley Methodist Church|Church]]. I felt delighted and honored, and I gave my best on reading the bible verse with the lighting. Everyone there praised me for my [[Autism|good reading]] and [[Speech impediment|speech quality]]; I felt good.

Second, a piece of sound advice I had thought of after I drew page 91 of the [[Sonichu 9|9th book]]. Back when I was in [[Manchester High School|high school]] during my Freshman year, during the time I was a Manager of the Varsity Basketball Team, I had a crush on [[Laura Dorazio|one of the cheerleaders]]. Among the whole group though, they all enjoyed my company and [[Random-access humor|good humor]]. Anyway, the cheerleader I had the crush on, she asked me if I had a crush on anyone; I answered [[honesty|honestly]]. Then she asked who. Blushing, I told her that I was crushing on her. She took some [[Time Void|time]] to think about it, and she told me later that while she liked me as a friend, she did not see me as boyfriend material at the time. I later learned that she was Two Grades ahead of me. Live and Learn; at least I tried.

And with that, I encourage EVERYONE to date someone to hopefully make into a [[Sweetheart]] (with [[third date|eventual benefits]]). It is harder when you are a Freshman, so I'd wait until the Sophomore year before setting my sights on nearly every [[boyfriend-free girl|girl]] I [[pedo-glasses|saw]]. But as a Freshman, if you have your sights set on someone, and YOU KNOW that opposite-gender person is a Freshman too, I suggest looking up a role-model. A cool [[Joseph Herring|Junior]] or Seinor-Year student, and follow their example on asking others out (but with your own [[Sonichu medallion|personal flair and charm]]; do not totally copy your role-model).

And IF you know someone who is WITHOUT a Sweetheart in High School, Ladies and Gentlemen, HOOK THEM UP. And [[Hanna|DO NOT MAKE IT A JOKE]]; that is just Plain Mean and Cruel, and being Mean and Cruel is NOT Cool. And if it helps, think of it as [[Pokemon League|Volunteer Work]]. Most people enjoy volunteering and helping, Even for an Assignment or Extra Credit. Such kindness and concern reflects you as a Better Person; not some random Shallow Loser, because it show that You Truly Care about others AND yourself.

I offer my blessings to every lucky sweetheart couple in High Schools everywhere. IT IS TRUE, you WOULD NEVER find anyone better than the significant other that you are with right now.

Stay Safe, and Stay In School.

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 04:39, 30 November 2009 (CET)

==December 2009==

===6 December 2009===

Just a note, I have just drawn the Two Final Pages for Book #9, but I am short on time to color them both in before the night is over, but I will have Both Pages uploaded tomorrow. And to offer a foretaste, the Featured Picture for today is a preview of Page 100, mostly uncolored with my signature on it. And for tonight, I will answer the current set of letters in the Mailbag.

Also, I am certain that y'all have noticed the most UNwelcomed and UNapproved ads on, ugh!, homosexual stuff. As Everyone knows, I, Christian Weston Chandler, do not take kindly to such wrongful ads on this website. The one who hath done such a horrid crime was the one who hazes my comics and work, known as Jack Thaddius. Apparently, he is of European Citizenship, and donated some Euros and from such, took control over the adspace. He knows of my complaints and disapproval of these ads. To voice your complaints and opinions on this wrongdoing, you may e-mail him at '''jackthethadius@yahoo.com'''. As [[Lies|I work hard for my work]], I also work towards the undoing of this crime on this, the One Official Sonichu and Rosechu Site, the Cwcipedia.

My advice to cope with this, is to hit F5 or Refresh until the adspace, on your screen, displays another ad that is not of that orientation.

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 03:23, 7 December 2009 (CET)

===7 December 2009===
[[Image:VaSinglesHomoAd.jpg|thumb|One of the many GOD DAMN F**IN' homo ads that has Chris begging EU citizens for free money.]]
''The text of this blog was posted underneath the update from 6 December, instead of replacing it.''

Continuing from yesterday, I have just uploaded the final two pages of the 9th Book. I will remain on schedule and draw the True First Page of Book #10, which (spoiler) is the start to full extent of the dialogue which was left out, due to page and time constraint, on Page 99 of Book #9. Followed a few pages later after this by skipping forward to my to-dos me and the others have to do in and around Cwcville. Then a few more pages later, it will sync-up with the preview 8 pages.

Again, to reiterate the issue, THE GOD DAMN F***IN' Homo Ads MUST BE GONE! A good start to this process is to contact the current "AdMaster", Jack Thaddius, at '''jackthethadius@yahoo.com'''. And for the time being, hit F5 or Refresh to avoid seeing those ads.

And the Biggest and Best Step to remove the ads, I must humbly ask my Good, Kind and Loyal European Fans of.

Firstly, like Optimus Prime, as a noble leader, I would not ask one to do anything that I am fully capable of doing myself. The main webmaster of the Cwcipdedia, the SysOp, resides in the European Area, and requires donations to keep the webhost space reserved for this one website. I am a citizen of the United States of America alone at this time, and legally, due to international banking laws, he can only accept donations from citizens of the European Union at this time. That S.O.B., Jack, apparently is a citizen of BOTH the U.S. and Europe. I, personally, have inquired upon donating from my funds, but unfortunately, as the SysOp told me, it is not possible with the law.

So, my European Fans, I ask you, to [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWCipedia:Donations Donate], not only to help keep up this, the Original Official Sonichu Site up, but to remove the horrid homo ads Jack has grossly placed. As my personal thanks to each of you who donate in the European Area, ONLY along with the Valid Donation(s) to the SysOp, if you include your legal name and address, that information will be relayed to me via e-mail from the SysOp, and I will personally snail-mail a hand-written thank you letter and an autographed drawing.

Thank You, and God Bless You, True, Loyal and Kind-Hearted People,

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 01:56, 8 December 2009 (CET)

===13 December 2009===
I apologize for the lack of pages today, but I had a number of chores to do for my family today, so to make up for it, I will be typing up a '''New Sonichu and Rosechu Story''', their Christmas Special which I promise to draw up alongside the current pages starting on tomorrow, the 14th. So, I will be typing it up right after I answer today's Mailbag, and I will add the link to it under this C-Log, as well as in the Portal.

Thank you for your Loaylty and Patience.

[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 04:06, 14 December 2009 (CET)

===16 December 2009===
Just a couple of things today, I have to go on a road trip to visit my relatives, so no new pages will be uploaded today only, but instead, I will be creating the page that sorts out Fact from Fiction from that God D*** [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page that has plagued me since November of 2007.

Aside from that, I apologize from lack of other things, aside from the two new pages from the update just before I started typing in this C-Log entry, but my [[computer]] picked up a virus from a pop-up ad while I was updating. It made me had to restart my PC, and it had trouble restarting, so I had to restore it. Thank God it maintained most of the programs and All my files it had.

Thank you again for your Loyalty and Patience.

Have a Safe and Good Day,

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 09:01, 16 December 2009 (CET)

===17 December 2009===
I have enjoyed the trip to visit my Aunt and Uncle with my family; it was nice and pleasant. Unfortunately, I felt drowzy shortly after returning home, so I turned early. I apologize for that. I got up this morning, had coffee with my dad, did some cleaning around the house, then pop needed me to run a few errands with him; important documents, personal verification of such and all. I went straight to the Cwcipedia to type up the Revised ED Page Text of which I went through during my trip yesterday. I do not have enough time to upload a page today, but I will return shortly later to answer more fanmail.

Again, my apologies.

Stay Safe,

===ModNation Addendum===

''(The following was added an hour and a half after the original post)''

Also, This Just In, I have FINALLY been able to redeem my Voucher code for the [[ModNation Racers|'''ModNation Racers Beta''']] that I got with the G.O.T.Y. LittleBiGPlanet disc, and it is being downloaded now. This weekend, during my off-time aside from the drawing and Cwcipedia time, I will be learning about its ins-and-outs and eventually (hopefully by the end of the weekend) '''create the Cwcville City Racetrack.'''

Also, I will be receiving a second voucher code for the same Beta, and I am feeling generous. The First PS3 Owner with a Trophy Level of 8 or more to send me a message with "Cwcville City Track" in the Subject Line before Friday, December 18 at 6:00 AM, Eastern Standard Time, will receive the code after I get it in my e-mail. My PSN ID IS '''Sonichu''', and the code will be sent over the Playstation Network in reply to the message received. Good Luck!

And Good Luck on beating me on the Online Tracks in the City of Cwcville, VA!

Stay Safe,

--[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User:ChrisChanSonichu ChrisChanSonichu] 03:26, 18 December 2009 (CET)

===19 December 2009===
Now, I'm back in the swing of drawing pages; I have just uploaded the two pages for today.

Also, I have the Voucher Code for the ModNation Racers Beta (for being a Qore Subscriber), but unfortunately I had not received any messages on the PSN from anyone, so I will revise the details. AGAIN, '''send me a message with ''"Cwcville City Track"'' in the Subject Line before Monday, December 21 at 6:00 AM, Eastern Standard Time,''' but '''it is now OPEN TO ALL WITH A PLAYSTATION 3 and a PSN Account; NO Trophy Level required.''' I will send the code to the '''10th message received''' on my PSN, and that individual will receive the code in a reply to their message '''over the Playstation Network'''. My PSN ID IS '''Sonichu'''. Good Luck!

And Good Luck on beating me on the Online Tracks in the City of Cwcville, VA!

Also, check out the [[Art|Original CCWC Art]] page for the first 7 of a number of In-Game Photos from ModNation Racers of my Character(s) and My Car(s) and the Track(s), including the Cwcville Track I am working on. I have the map drawn on paper; all I have to do now is to familiarize myself with all the track creation options and details so I can make this track at its currently available best (Beta-Wise).

Stay Safe,

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 08:07, 19 December 2009 (CET)

===20 December 2009===
Firstly, I apologize for not uploading any new pages yesterday or today; I have just been hit with TWO FEET of Snow. While I was drawing a page, I had a 2-second blackout; my PC was on before the blackout. Later, when I went to my PC to turn it back on, it screwed up on me, like the recent event with the found virus software of which I had explained in an earlier C-Log. Anyway, it took me longer to get my PC back up, but now I am back up, and I will upload Six Pages tomorrow.

[[Image:Clyde_billboard_04.jpg|thumb|I am straight! Everybody hangs out in a gay bar sometimes! It's perfectly normal!]]
Onto another issue that has come to my attention, as I have also stated in my new [[YouTube]] video along with what I have just explained, The Troll, [[Clyde Cash]], apparently has [[20_December_2009|uploaded one of his Photoshopped images with my image]] cropped into some strange situation, where he is trying to smear my good name again, onto this website where the image is being displayed on a billboard in New York City. '''DO NOT BELIEVE THE BILLBOARD IMAGE; I AM STRAIGHT; THAT IS JUST CLYDE CASH TRYING TO FRAME ME AGAIN.'''

In any case, tonight, I will be answering Two Mailbag Sets, and responding to ALL current messages regarding the billboard thing (D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash) as well.

Also, The ModNation Cwcville City Track is still under construction; it will be uploaded before Christmas Day.

Thank you for your support and kindness.

Have a Merry and Safe Christmas and Holidays.

--ChrisChanSonichu 05:36, 21 December 2009 (CET)

===28 December 2009===
Well, at least I accomplished ONE improvement on the Cwcipedia; no offensive Ads. And To Jack Thaddius, who is still being an annoying son of a b****, '''I have got out of my Closet of Autism LONG AGO, and I Stayed Straight. YOU Get Out Of YOUR Closet and Go Into F***ing Scientology.''' I say that in response to the ad he somehow placed next to the Introduction Icon; NO AD BELONGS THERE, and '''That Ad is of NO association with me, the Cwcipedia website, and all things Sonichu and Rosechu.'''

**Update: I have found the tweak and fixed the problem; '''Coca Cola is a Product that I enjoy, and I am Proud to be Associated With their products with the Ad I replaced Jack's Misdeed with.''' '''V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! FOR C-W-C!!!'''

Moving on, since apparently there was a Twitter Feed placed on the Mailbox Zero page, which I have removed and moved to the [[Twitter]] page, I have later decided to go into the Twitter Fad and add a small Feed under the C-Log Box. My Username is '''CWCSonichu'''; Do Not Give Attention to ALL Other Usernames in the '''Sonichu''' Twitter Feed who claim or pretend to be me, and GIVE NO ATTENTION WHATSOEVER to '''ClydeCash''' or '''Jack Thaddius''', who both have their own Twitter accounts (Make Both Jack and Clyde BANNED from Twitter, please).

And let me make it clear again, '''I''', Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, USA, '''Do Not support the Gay Lifestyle'''; what they do behind closed doors is their own business alone, and I have no care about it, and they have their own rights as the next person with due respect(s). '''I am Striaght, PERIOD!''' And with the Facts that Both of them not Only are Annoying DumbAsses to me, but They Both give their own Gay Men a Worse Name than they already have, '''Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddius BOTH Should commit Suicide, Die and Rot In Hell.''' As I have already stated loudly in my recent Y.T. video.

I have spoken for now. Shorter updates from me as '''CWCSonichu''' will come in on the Sonichu [[Twitter]] Feed.

Thank You for your loyalty to my Sonichu and Rosechu stories and franchise and Positive Encouragement to Ignore the Ill-Mislabeling Trolls.

Stay Safe,

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 18:19, 28 December 2009 (CET)

==January 2010==

===1 January 2010===
[[Image:CWCsTRUEandHONESTads.jpg|thumb|The "ads" Chris put up in retaliation to [[Jack Thaddeus]].]]
Captain's Log, Stardate: January 1, 2010
I have another pair of pages for today, and I will answer another Mailbag or two after uploading. But I also have another announcement; Jack thinks he can get away with occupying my Introduction Box with ANY Ad, well I have a few items I fully support as well. I will be placing my own Ads around the Cwcipedia, as I assert My Rights to do so as Captain of this website vessel.

'''I DO NOT WANT MY ADS REMOVED OR REPLACED BY ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF.'''

Thank you for your full support; have a good and safe day,

--ChrisChanSonichu 02:06, 2 January 2010 (CET)

See below as these are some functions I fully support and will be placing around the site...

===7 January 2010===
Upon reflection, February 24 SHOULD be a Holiday of sorts (even a Second Day for Love in addition to Valentine's Day), because the day, to me at least, just FEELS like a Holiday, [[Chris and his Ego|in addition to it being my Birthday]]. I have looked it up before, and it is some sort of forgettable (Holi)day in Mexico or somewhere. February 24 Should have More Significance and Recognition like a Holiday.

And that is my thought not only for today, but my thought for Years.

Stay Safe,

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 04:09, 8 January 2010 (CET)

===12 January 2010===
Having finally logged back in, I am copying and pasting my Twitters into this C-Log.

Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within Cwcville, yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And Magi-Chan will stay out of those people's heads under my request.

Second, I am aware of the reasons of the Trio of individuals who are behind the Hideous Asperpedia of WHY they are tormenting me like this. If they will Read the following, or if anyone will relay, I will make amends towards them.

To Alec: You have NO RIGHT in drawing MY characters in your comics, because I have specifically spoke AGAINST IT, and you DARE to copy and paste my response and STRIKE AND ADD IN ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR! [[Chris and hypocrisy|I admit I have done that]] in some Mailbag letters, and I apologize for that, but I did that sometimes, because I felt offended by some of their content. I would appreciate it if you would just give up your game, remove all the ads on MY Cwcipedia, and just move on. YOU HAVE your own life in Minnesota at your Amtrak; Quit Messing Up My Life, or I WILL come after you.

To Evan George: I offered to make Simonchu and Simonla Brother and Sister, yet you continue on to give me grief and hateThe offer was reasonable, so the two can be Separate, Individual Characters. I would appreciate it if you quit hating me, accept the brother/sister plan, and Let It Go.

To Sean: Your comic strips are only an extension to WHAT YOU THINK are characters who are Underappreciated, when they are not, and I have plans for them in future tales. Firstly, METAL SONICHU is NOT a secondary character; HE will be making his return as a MAJOR VILLIAN after Book 11 Possessed by the soul of Count Graduon.[[Bill the Scientist|Bill]] is [[Simonla#Death|still working within Giovanni's Laboratory]], I am working on a plan on including him in a future episode around Blake. The [[Boulder Dropping Whale|WAILORD]] who dropped the rock onto the mother Swampert and the [[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle who Yawned]] are ONLY Individual characters who I originally had NO plans on putting into future stories, so ASSUME that the two were BOTH caught by Pok'emon Trainers in Pok'e Balls and now the two are fighting with their trainers in Pok'emon Battles.

And to all those who I offended about the talk with Aspergers, I apologize. [[Lie|I have nothing AGAINST any individual with Aspergers]], and I promise to not be mean, but nice, to them and all other individuals. So, Please, to everyone, let's move on peacefully and live our lives well.

Thank You.

--ChrisChanSonichu 05:07, 13 January 2010 (CET)

===14 January 2010===

Firstly, '''I, Christian Weston Chandler, Have NO alliance or anything like that Whatsoever with Alec Benson Leary or his D***ED Asperchu!!!'''

Second, HE is DOING ME Wrong by Buying Jack Thaddius out on MY Adspace and posting NOT ONLY Wrongful Ads leading to his C***FEST of a website, but OFFENSIVE PORN ADS like Jack had done before. I ask you, '''If Alec is so great, WHY WOULD HE DRAG THE CWCIPEDIA THROUGH THE MUD LIKE JACK DID?!'''

[[Lie|Alec Is A TROLL]]. To ask to REMOVE the ads from the Cwcipedia, send all inquiries to albasperchu@live.com.

And AGAIN, '''I have NO association with Alec Whatsoever, He is using MY Characters Wrongfully, and Asperchu is NOT MINE, and [[Asperchu#Chris on Asperchu|I COULD NOT CARE ANY LESS ABOUT THAT RETARDED CHARACTER]]!!!'''

Aside from that, Stay Safe, and Have a good day.

--ChrisChanSonichu 06:10, 14 January 2010 (CET)

===19 January 2009===
After careful research and reading, I have felt inspired for ten new pages, plus a few more to wrap up this plot. So today, I present my '''12-Page Explosion'''; I have uploaded the total of 12 new pages just now. Also, there is one good explosion on one page. Enjoy that and the following.

'''I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever''', but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. [[Chris and reality|He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him '''Mitch Sonichu''']].

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 11:44, 19 January 2010 (CET)

=== 25 January 2010 ===
I apologize for not being online for a few days, but I have just uploaded 8 new pages; I will answer another mailbag shortly after making a few more updates; will be creating satisfactory character pages tonight; also, with the recent number of pages, I took a shot at drawing and coloring 5 pages a day; obviously with real life events and whatnot, it was too much to ask, so I will get back into the swing of things with 2 or 3 pages a day like before; I appreciate the paitience of the true and loyal; thank you all very much you can take a lesson at being a True Sonichu Fan from Rad and his group I mentioned in a recent YouTube video; check out his song he wrote and composed for me; Rad and his group will have their own page on the Cwcipedia as '''Most Honored and Loyal Sonichu Fan Group'''.
Stay Safe, and have a good day.

(Copied from my most recent Twitters)

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 21:08, 25 January 2010 (CET)

=== 30 January 2010 ===
Well, last night, I have uploaded 6 more pages, and just now I have added a NEW Mailbag of my own with inputs from True Sonichu Fans on a Forum I've just learned about. This is [[Mailbag 50]]; I put this together, so YOU ALL can LEARN how to BETTER PHRASE your letters so I can feel Less Enticed into Stressing Out and having to Reply Derogatory as in the recent bunches of Mailbags beforehand. With that, I promise to improve my behavior on that for the better, but you all have to help me out too.

Also, I have uploaded a new video of apology; it is a current featured video below.

You all Stay Safe, and have a good day.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 18:10, 30 January 2010 (CET)

==February 2010==
===2 February 2010===
**Also, if you are just as offended as I am for the Ads Asperpedia's [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=User:Mao Mao "Bamboo" Ling] has been putting up wrongfully on the Cwcipedia, Feel Free to e-mail ALL your complaints personally to him at '''mao@hsienko.com'''. Give him Hell to Pay.

Stay Safe, and have a good day.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 19:00, 2 February 2010 (CET)

===14 February 2010===
Happy Valentines Day, Y'all

It has been crazy with the up and down-times with the [[Cwcipedia]] and whatnot. But no more. Currently, I am still drawing and coloring (mostly drawing though) the pages, and I think y'all will be satisfied with the finished 10th Book. I will upload ALL remaining pages of that book, plus some for Book 11 on the 24th (Look Forward to that). Also, to note, I will also be continuing the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas Special]] in the second or third part of the 12th book.

In the meantime, I will continue to daily update the Cwcipedia with answering the Mailbags and adding a new Character Bio Page to the site per day. Most of which will be short but sweet.

Also, thanks to Mr. [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddius]], I now have a lighter view on [[homos|homosexual people]], and with that, I respectfully retract my past reply to one Mailbag letter, and I say, [[Mailbag_49#Chris_loves_his_country|"'''Power to the Gays in the Army'''"]].

And currently, my [[The Wallflower|girl friend]] and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and [[Mailbag_31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|not make me feel intruded]] by inquiring constantly.

'''Keep All Mailbag Questions LIMITED ONLY to topics of the Cwcipedia, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], my Comics, Cwcville, and Myself.''' Any questions not on those topics, although read, will all receive a [[Mailbag 52|neutral response]] or none at all.

Thank you all for your loyalty and patience, and have a good and safe day.

--ChrisChanSonichu 01:44, 15 February 2010 (CET)
==March 2010==
===10 March 2010===
LOOK, Just because I don't update as often as I should, or draw/color as much, does not give any one of you the right to torture the hell out of me. I was Happy. I was At Peace. But NO, SOMEONE among the Trolls among those of You All would Just Not Let Me Be.

I have been in a number of moments of finding peace and losing it later, because YOU damn trolls won't leave me be. And even the Impatient Fans; Honest, True and Loyal as you all may be, you all are part to blame in this as well. Y'all are mostly immature people who have no lives of your own. Y'all don't want me to have a Life Of My Own; Y'all don't want me to find Long-Term Peace and Happiness for myself. Y'all don't want me to Find and Keep Sweet True Love for myself. You all are just as Terrible as I portrayed Mary Lee Walsh to be; True Love is NOT Illegal in the United States of America, INCLUDING Virginia. Because you all are so self-absorbed in yourselves, spoiled, and such, YOU ONLY want more story arcs and art MORE QUICKLY than my own Inspiration can come up with. You all are nothing bug greedy, impatient, unloved and corrupted people.

And your misdeeds only lead to Heartbreaks and Heartaches upon Me... They Really Hurt.

I have let you who have dared to do what you wanted to bully and torture me emotionally, but when YOU BULLY THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT WITH DAMNED PAGES THAT MAKE THEM LOOK AS STUPID AS ME, LEADING TO PREMATURE DEATHS, BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME, AND JUST PLAIN EMOTIONAL DAMAGE AND EMBARRASSMENTS, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!!

Leave My Friends and Family Out Of the Online Hazings and Hatred; I, Christian Weston Chandler, Am Your Main Target. BE A HUMAN AND COME AT ME DIRECTLY!!!

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:45, 11 March 2010 (CET)

I have been in a number of moments of finding peace and losing it later, because YOU damn trolls won't leave me be. And even the Impatient Fans; Honest, True and Loyal as you all may be, you all are part to blame in this as well. Y'all are mostly immature people who have no lives of your own. Y'all don't want me to have a Life Of My Own; Y'all don't want me to find Long-Term Peace and Happiness for myself. Y'all don't want me to Find and Keep Sweet True Love for myself. You all are just as Terrible as I portrayed Mary Lee Walsh to be; True Love is NOT Illegal in the United States of America, INCLUDING Virginia. Because you all are so self-absorbed in yourselves, spoiled, and such, YOU ONLY want more story arcs and art MORE QUICKLY than my own Inspiration can come up with. You all are nothing bug greedy, impatient, unloved and corrupted people.

And your misdeeds only lead to Heartbreaks and Heartaches upon Me... They Really Hurt.

„

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 02:03, 11 March 2010 (CET)

“
And another thing, I have Never been Really Sure on the whole making money thing, or of any other aspirations. I originally started the whole Sonichu thing for fun. NOW it is being pressured onto me like as if it was a Job. I am sick and tired of it feeling like a Job; I want it to go back to being Fun For Me, and for that, I need to do things at my own pace on my own time. I have the right to create other projects or resume past ones on A.D.D.-Like Impulses.

The stories WILL Continue; I WILL change the final few pages of Book 10 to be more appropriate for most people; I WILL Update this website time and time again.

I understand that I have lost a lot of "fans" due to "lack of new content", but THOSE PEOPLE are among the People I am most annoyed with in my one-paragraph rant above. I am tired of trying to please MILLIONS; what matters to me is caring and pleasing the local few around me who I truly and deeply care about.

With that, I respectfully ask the webmaster of the Unapproved and Detested CWCki to remove ALL PAGES Classified under their "Christian Weston Chandler's Web Of Life" and "Sweethearts, heartsweets and gal-pals" Categories. '''I give him until Midnight of Friday March 12, 2010, Eastern Standard Time, for the Webmaster of that CWCki to Remove ALL OF THOSE PAGES, or there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me.'''

''Note: Chris would later amend the bolded portion of the above entry. See the 14 March entry for details.''

===14 March 2010===

I have made observation [[The Wallflower|that One page]] that was of a current woman friend of mine has been deleted and changed appropriately to a page of a different title and respective keeping-anonymous description.

This is good for a Start, and that main portion has been met.

BUT, there is MORE to be done. I WANT the webmaster of the CWCki to do the same for the other following people I care about:

'''-[[Megan Schroeder]]'''

'''-[[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]'''

'''-[[Anna McLerran]]'''

'''-[[Joshua Martinez]]'''

'''-[[Laura Dorazio]]'''

'''-[[Kellie Andes]]'''

'''-[[Tiffany Gowen]]'''

'''-[[Joseph Herring]]'''

'''-[[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (PandaHalo)]]'''

'''-[[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]'''

'''-[[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]'''

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|Chris considers Vivian to be a true Gal-Pal.]]
'''-[[Vivian Gee]] is a [[Gal-Pal]]; Please Relocate the link(s) to her page as such.'''

'''-[[Sarah Jackson]]'''

'''-[[Two's_company_snapshots|Faeryn (A.K.A. the "Hambeast")]]'''

'''-**[[Chandler_Family_Tree|ALL OF MY RELATIVES AND FAMILY]]**'''

'''-[[Mary Lee Walsh]]'''

I would like this done before 11:59 PM of March 31, 2010, Eastern Standard Time, or there WILL be trouble personally from me.

* To Anna McLerran, I would personally like to extend my humble apologies for offending her, along with a lot of homosexual people, in any form with my past but now dead angst against the gays.

The Homosexuals are okay people too.

To everyone, I wish you all a safe and good day.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 08:04, 14 March 2010 (CET)

''Note: While posting this update, Chris also altered the ending of the 10 March 2010 entry. He replaced the bolded portion at the end of that entry with the following:''

As I have updated in the C-Log, a page that has caused chaos the past few days has been deleted and changed to something more anonymous, and that is good, for a start. I have listed the other pages of people I care about on the CWCki I would like to see similar, if not same, treatment. The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, Easter Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. [[Death threats|I am Armed after all]].

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 08:09, 14 March 2010 (CET)

===19 March 2010===

''The following entry was posted by one of the [[Asperpedia]] Four after the Sysop gave control to the CWCipedia to [[Mao]]. It was never posted by Chris.''

I, Christian Weston "Ricardo" Chandler am currently looking for a [[Homos|Sweet Joy Boy]] to make into my heartsweet. If you are male, Gay and interested to be the One Person to Steal my virgintfy, please contact me. I NEED YOU!

--ChrisChanSonichu 18:37, 19 March 2010 (CET), [[Chris and sex|VERY HORNY]]

''The CWC Blog page was also replaced with the following log:''

I, Christopher "Christian" Weston "Ricardo" "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" Chandler, am Gay. Don't doubt me.

Have a good, safe day. Peace, --ChrisChanSonichu 21:27, 24 August 2009 (CEST)

==April 2010==

=== 9 April 2010 ===

Spacing myself from the internet and all online nuisances, I am finding a better sense of peace. I am still drawing my pages, story arcs and all that. Such updates will appear on the Cwcipedia soon. You all have a good and safe day.

--ChrisChanSonichu 02:58, 10 April 2010 (CEST)

=== 24 April 2010 ===
[[File:SchuComic11P32Troll.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu 11]]'s best page.]]
I deeply apologize for the few updates. My [[computers|PC]] has been on having some virus issues and I currently can not log into my account; however, I have completed [[Issue 11]] and I hope y'all are looking forward to the Reboot on Issue 12 that will come very shortly. Thank y'all for your patience.

--ChrisChanSonichu 02:58, 24 April 2010 (CEST)

''Note: This update was actually added by Chris's sysop's account. The uploaded pages of [[Sonichu 11]] that she put up were all troll-created pages telling the story of the deaths of Sonichu's and Wild's children, Sonichu's divorce and Wild's violent suicide. It is unquestionably the best Sonichu story ever.''

=== 26 April 2010 ===

The recent "update" and "new pages" were NOT of my own personal drawing or approval. It is obvious who has done this, but she has to understand that ONLY I have the Full Understanding of ALL Personality Aspects OR Plot Lines that are and will be put into the future pages of the comic. What she has done unto me recently which I have personally undone, [[Chris and his Ego|was a traitorous mutiny]], and while I DO NOT appreciate it one bit, I will forgive her this time. I only ask for NO SUCH CHANGES to be made in the future AT ALL TIMES WITHOUT MY APPROVAL.

Spacing myself from the internet and all online nuisances, I am finding a better sense of peace. [[Lies|I am still drawing my pages, story arcs and all that. OFFICIAL updates From My Own Hands will appear on the Cwcipedia soon.]] You all have a good and safe day.

--ChrisChanSonichu 09:02, 26 April 2010 (CEST)

''Note: Chris replaced the second paragraph about 45 minutes later with the following:''

[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|Sadly, Chris hid the awesome pages with these.]]
**Actually, I have just been informed that the SysOp ONLY uploaded the images; someone else drew them. And in any case, NONE OF THOSE PAGES, which have been tastefully replaced with a temporary image (until when I draw the REAL pages to go in their place).
And to MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR IN THE SCENARIOS OF MY COMICS...
 -NONE OF THE CHILDREN, Robbie, Cera, Christine or Sandy, are dead; They are ALL Still Alive and will go on to live safely and healthily.
 -The Drawing Style... REALLY? REALLY? WHO THE F*** CAN NOT SEE THAT DRAWING/COLORING STYLE WAS [[Chris and art|NOT MY OWN IN COMPARISON TO MY PAST HAND-DRAWINGS]]?
 -Aside from the [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|LEAKED Adult Drawings I did in my past]] that my Trolls continue to mock me with (and are being IGNORED), I WOULD NEVER ALLOW ANY PRIVATE PARTS TO BE PORTRAYED ANYWHERE ON THE CWCIPEDIA AT ALL TIMES.

**SEE, between the INTERNET STRESS I have got between the Trolls and Past Relations AFTER I found that D***ed Encyclopedia Dramatica Page, it really tears me up. Spacing myself from the internet and all online nuisances, I am looking find a better sense of peace and tranquility, AND a GIRLFRIEND to make into my SWEETHEART, Avoiding The "[[Friend Zone]]", And [[Fuck Quest|YES, Even to F***]]!!!.

[[Lies|I am still drawing my pages, story arcs, Editing most PAST Pages that make only a mockery of me and my Real Friends and Presenting My Side of the True Stories and all. OFFICIAL updates From My Own Hands will appear on the Cwcipedia soon.]] You all have a good and safe day.

==May 2010==

=== 14 May 2010 ===

Hello, my name is Daria Camacho. I am helping Chris out by maintaining the CWCipedia while he is on hiatus. I have noticed that he is very sad and depressed and that he is much too stressed to help maintain the CWCipedia. This is why I was sought out to help with the day to day on the CWCipedia. Rest easy, Sonichu Fans as I will make sure when Chris returns, the CWCipedia will be at tip-top shape!

''Note: As stated, this was added by Daria Camacho, the CWCipedia's new "Fan Manager", who has apparently been given access to the site in order to keep it running smoothly until Chris returns. Given that Chris has been reverting all her edits, it's likely he was not told of her coming in advance.''

=== 26 May 2010 ===

''Note: Chris is talking about [http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/960619-modnation-racers/54555151 this GameFAQs thread of his] about the "Mystery Mods" for ModNation Racers, freebie codes that unlock random characters in the games.''

I have Kratos/Gopher and Nathan Drake/Lil Tinker.

Also, I stand corrected on the past Topic where I tried to predict on the Mystery Mods matching the respective others I posted onto GameFAQs over a month ago.

It sucks that my Self-Mod, Sonichu Kart and Cwcville Tracks were Lost from the ModNation Server sometime after the end of the Beta. I have recreated the Mod and Kart from the Beta photos I took months ago. And I will recreate the Cwcville Track in due time after I've unlocked all of the remaining pieces, so I can make it better and more accurate than it was before.

Anyway, I still need the Ratchet/Clank and Nukular Karts/Mods with Cowboy and Mouse Trap Karts/Mods from Amazon and Game Crazy, respectively.

Send me the codes over the PSN in a message to my PSN, "Sonichu". Within Five Days of sending the codes on your half, I will attempt to redeem them. Within the time after successful redemption, I will reward an Activated code for $10 on the PSN fresh from the card for each code. And Please specify which Main Character the code you're sending is for.

Ratchet and Clank Nukular

This offer will be in effect until June 16, 2010, so Please Hurry, and Thank you.

Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler PSN ID: Sonichu

==June 2010==

=== 4 June 2010 ===

''Note: This was a trolling attempt.''

I am currently in the process of taking back MY CWCipedia from the trolls. Do not believe anything they say. I am currently being stressed out from you obsessive Autistic Fans and you D*** Trolls messing up my life. I will continue when inspiration comes back.
 Feel free to send me things at: 412 Pollock St, Richmond, VA, United States. (Please do not send things to my old address, I have moved.)
The more things I receive, the Stronger I Feel my inspiration will return. Love and Peace, Christian W. Chandler
 Also, thank you Iori for sending me the DSi. Another thank you to Claire from Oregon for gifting me a PSPgo. I hope you two lovely ladies are free. <3 <3 <3

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[CWCipedia]]
*[[Mailbag]]
*[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence]]

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page External link to the main page of the CWCipedia, where the latest blog post is featured]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWC_Blog The CWC Blog archive]

[[Category:CWCipedia]]

CChanSonichuCWC Videos, June-July 2009

2010-06-21T21:07:39Z

Torchwood:

The following videos were uploaded by [[Liquid Chris]] during [[June 2009|June]] and [[July 2009]].

==Antebellum Messages==

The following videos were made before [[Christian|Solid Chris]] discovered and denounced [[Liquid Chris]], and are mostly topical parodies of Solid's videos from the same timeframe.

===CWC: I Have Returned To Youtube!!===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|VStmR463_uY}}</center>

'''June 21, 2009:''' I am Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu. This is my First Video in a Long Time and it is because I was Uploading more videos to Youtube recently, but due to their HONEST CONTENT they were DELETED before any of my fans could SEE THEM!

===New Christian Weston Chandler Video featuring the Hit Song "So Need a Cute Girl" by CWC===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|0WtTzvbz9e0}}</center>

'''June 30, 2009:'''Hello to all the Sonichu Loyal Fans out there, waitng on Poor Ol' Me to make a video for y'all. Here's da update and NO I will NOT COMMENT ANYMORE on the Clyde Controversy. Stay Safe, and Straight.

PS: No updates on my Future Sweetheart Hayden Panettiere, yet, so do'nt ask. Peace

===Update: I am Still the Real Christian Weston Chandler Despite LIES AND SLANDER. Also, Some Fan Art===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|OqE2k_KCGbs}}</center>

'''July 03, 2009:''' Hey y'all, do not pay any attention to those DENOUNCED fakeries on My Former Account. They are patently false, and I still am looking for a Boyfriend-free Gal Pal. Also, I have Some Fan Art to show y'all that I have gotten over the last few days from the Loyal Base.

===Christian Chandler (CWC) Presents: A Music Remix from my New Gal-Pal.===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|1CHjLvHSe3Q}}</center>

'''July 05, 2009:''' Hello, all, I have been Correponding with a New Friend and Gal-pal who has Asked me to put this on my Channel. Seeing as I have yet to Get One Ounce of Vagina, I must follow her Every Wish. Peace.

CWC

===ECV 00120 Christian Weston Chandler Threatens A TROLL, TO BACK OFF!!===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|VKgEs7b5xB4}}</center>

'''July 11, 2009:''' This user has Harassed me for such that long time, please Hack His Account for REVENGE. CWC

==The CWCivil War==

===Now Selling the OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL SONICHU Merchandise of CWC, NO FAKERIES OR IMPOSTORY===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|XYsrdv_P8y4}}</center>

'''July 21, 2009:''' Hello, Loyal Sonichu Fanbase, I went to Otackon Last Weekend and Made A Lot of MONEY off of my Official Stuff. I will set a Website up soon with Buying Information.

===Now Introducing Christian Weston Chandler's CWCville Outlet Shopping and Deluxe Department Bureau===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|BpIe9i-B0eo}}</center>

'''July 23, 2009:''' Hey y'all, don't Worry, the Site will be Up Soon. I am Auctioning a Special Mediallion here: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=22... as it has been the TRUE and ORIGINAL medallion before, and it is For Sale For a Good Cause: Children with Cancer.

Stay True and do not LISTEN to IMPOSTORS. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

CWC

===A Preview of a Surprise===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|_Ps7qcH7sPA}}</center>

'''July 24, 2009:''' Hi y'all, TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE! Yes, it Is What You Think It Is.
Oh, and Look at this Patriotic Poster Dis'ing the TROLL.
http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/2720/tgtdfw4.jpg

Stay True.

CWC

===Christian Weston Chandler's EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT of SONICHU and Addressing Things.===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|OX1wo9FQ_SA}}</center>

'''July 26, 2009:''' Hello, again, Loyal Fans,

It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON). Anyway, I am Working Very Hard on Sonichu 9 and Things may be Progressing Heavily with my new TRUE Gal-Pal Kacey and I. Also, Expect more Announcements of this Developing Caliber in the Future.

Stay True.

CWC

===That Slanderous Clyde Cash is Harassing me Again===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|mToOKm7IxWo}}</center>

'''July 27, 2009:''' You Want Proof? Listen to This. http://www.mediafire.com/?llrlpmmemfz

It's that CLYDE CASH Again, the Very Same who has Been Trolling Me my entire Adult Life!!

===More Than A Feeling THE TRUE VERSION by Christian Weston Chandler (CWC)===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|P6t63XMQfg0}}</center>

'''July 29, 2009:''' The IMPOSTOR Ian Brandon Anderson (Possibly Clyde Cash) sent me THIS:

"You are NOT GOING TO REPLY, Much less COME AND FACE ME!

If You Can Not even TAKE THE TIME TO ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE, then I'm just going to have to REPORT YOUR SORRY ASS TO MY DETECTIVE; HE WILL BE ON YOUR SORRY ONE FASTER than a Sonic-Boom. Nice Doll.

Christian Weston Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, Virginia 22968
434-990-0198

CALL MY HOUSE, LEAVE YOUR NUMBER, AND TALK TO ME LIKE A MAN!
If you remain a Cowardly Weakling, You will just have to RETURN To the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens. What "class" there was it you enrolled in again? Major In DUUUHHHHHH!!!?"

HE DIDN'T EVEN SIGN IT AT THE END. What a TROLL.

Also, Shout-Out to my Sweet Peach, Kacey, I will Post her Account Later.

CWC

===Christian Weston Chandler (Ricardo) Hablar con el Impostor, And MANY OTHER NOTIFICATIONS!===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yYAAc9zAVQw}}</center>

'''July 31, 2009:''' Bonjour, Loyal Amigos. (Random-Access Humor Joke!)

I am Successful as Ever and no TROLLS and their Cohorts will OVERTAKE Me. He is TROLLIN' STUPID. Also, MidnightKissable (Kacey, my Heartsweet) I LOVE YOU!

Clyde Cash is a Good Man.

Stay True, and Peace! And Love.

CWC

{{succession|label=[[Liquid Chris|CWCivil War!]]|prevlink=NONE|nextlink=[[SingStar Challenge]]|}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Bob Walks In Aftermath

2010-05-09T21:27:23Z

Torchwood: I think the line is 'chat invite', not 'chime-in byte'. 'Less that's some PSN thing I don't know about.

[[category:Phone calls]]

[[Chris]]'s conversation with[[ Julie]], after [[Bob]] cut down the internet. Julie is inaudible throughout.

==Transcript==
Hello Julie. Now listen, you have to talk to me, I'm calling you from my [[PSP]]. It does not accept typed feedback.

[''Pause'']

Yeah, sorry about that my dad just- my dad- you're right, I should have answered the phone. My dad got some ca- calls from a troll, claiming that I was going to commit suicide on [[YouTube]].

[''Brief pause, sigh''] That bastard. At least I still have my PSP so I can call you on that. My dad shut down the [[computer]] and he doesn't want me back on there.

[''Pause'']

Yeah, I still got my [[PS3]], and the wifi, and my PSP. So between them I'm o- between them I'm okay. But I can, uh, if you want- uh want us to do, uh, if you want us to do like, our cybersex we're definitely going to have to go audio. Audio only no- I, yeah so- what's that? Yeah that's gonna take awhile. Cuz he's not- you should see- he's old, and he doesn't take things as easily as, uh the younger generation can. I also- I also had like a chat window set up in the PS3, just after father interrupted and I sent you a chat invite. But then I remembered- then I remembered just the PSN on my PSP, so I got you on here.

[''Pause'']

Yeah. He just said "Just leave me alone." Next to go- (???) Then I'll wake my mother up, but uh, he woke her up, and then she came upstairs, just after I had opened the chat window on my PS3, and uh... I basically describe to her what I was doing without saying "[[mass debating|masturbation]]" or "cybersex"

[''Brief pause'']

Only my- only my mother knows about it. And she has this- she has this thing in her mind against, uh, she has this thing in her mind against being able to believe people- people over the internet and falling in love with them so easily. Yeah, so I don't say- so that's why I didn't say anything about that to her at this time. Even though she would have been- she would have been open-minded about it since I have told her previously about my masturbation.

[''Pause'']

I told my mother about you, yeah.

[''Brief pause'']

She says she'll believe it when she sees you in person.

[''Pause'']

And I think she...

[''Pause'']

Yeah. Yeah [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] or some other troll but more likely Clyde.

[''Pause'']

I don't know, I do not answer the phone but my mom said that she heard the voice before on the telephone. Cuz, she picked up at one time. And she said that she had heard the voice before. But then my father picked it up, then you know what happened.

[''Pause'']

[''Sigh''] Yeah he's just real mad. He gets riled up very easily in the nighttime.

[''Pause'']

What am I gonna do now? Hmmm. Well pretty much now, my erection has been undone (???) and I'm not feeling in the mood for it right now, but you know hey, on the bright side, we still have Sunday downtime stay date (???) in LittleBig- in [[LittleBigPlanet]].

[''Pause'']

What. Yeah. Maybe we can chat on the PSN or through skype through my PSP here. Cuz I'm not sure on this, the time anyway. I just mean it causes stress, I mean- you know I was feeling so elated and made me feel embarrassed and got me all keyed up with stress.

[''Long Pause'']

Hmm. I'm not sure how to explain it to him, cuz I never told him about my masturbation.

[''Pause'']

And he's not very- he's not as open-minded as my mother is about the subject.

[''Pause'']

Mmm. So, I think, uhh, you know that at this point if you are cybersex through hardware only (???) you either through the PSN or Skype right here.

[''Pause'']

Your brother doesn't like to- your brother doesn't like to hear your erotic moaning?

[''Brief Pause'']

H-He told you that?

[''Pause'']

Oh.

[''Brief Pause'']

Ohhhh.

[''Brief Pause'']

Hmm.

[''Pause'']

Oh.

[''Brief Pause'']

I see (He could be saying sexy. I'm not sure about this).

[''Brief Pause'']

Hmm.

[''Brief Pause'']

No. I nev-never thought that would've crossed my mind.

[''Brief Pause'']

I mean- I mean uhh...

[''Brief Pause'']

I-I would say for most men that, uhh...

[''Brief Pause'']

??? conditions myself.

[''Brief Pause'']

You know, I'd rather this went on (???)

[''Brief Pause'']

Fo-For sure. Then the-Then I don't make an assumption. Yeah, cuz I just, well, I just don't make an assumption off the bat about the orientation.

[''Pause'']

Sigh.

[''Brief Pause'']

[''Chris makes some strange noises. It almost sounds like he's moaning'']

[''Pause'']

So.

[''Brief Pause'']

Hmm. Uh, y-y-so, y-so (???), so if he ever did talk to you about your erotic moaning, so-

[''Brief Pause'']

Y-y-so you didn't really talk to your brother about you doing that with me?

[''Brief Pause'']

And that we're in love.

[''Brief Pause'']

You didn't talk to him?

[''Long Pause'']

Alright.

[''Attempts to talk, sighs'']

Okay.

[''Brief Pause'']

Alright, so- alright, so uhh let me do that in the (???)

[''Pause'']

Oh, in this house.

[''Pause'']

Hmm.

[''Tape Ends'']

{{Transcription}}

==Download==

http://www.mediafire.com/?jmtmmwimgz0

{{FanChats}}

Asperchu

2010-02-23T05:28:11Z

Torchwood:

{{Ongoing}}
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
''This article discusses the award winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Fan:Asperchu]].''

'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public [[mailbag]], claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), [[Chris]] made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. [[Fail|He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name Ian Brandon Anderson, nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.]]

Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kid's comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]], and [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|Sonichu is Dead]] creator Sean August Watley's latest project, [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals.]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a [[Down with Asperchu|series]] [[12 January 2010|of]] [[14 January 2010|increasingly]] [[15 January 2010|disturbing]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|videos]] where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[youtube]] videos.

Recently the large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

===The 19 January Demands===

On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centred mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic saviour]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==

In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris has finally admitted that Asperchu is not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and is instead a completely original character. He also apologizes for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responds to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologizes for trying to comandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though tactfully avoids mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeds to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which have becoming increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, decides to give up Simonla and delivers a half-assed [[Forgiveness Blessing]] to Mao, hopefully to finally remove the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris.)

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 February 2010 Mao sent [[Evan]] and Sean a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear.

On 18 February 2010, an [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call between Chris and Alec was released]].

==Sonichu Revolution==

When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided Sonichu fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new Asperchu comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way, and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him]].

===Sonichu Revolution Gallery===

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution11.jpg</gallery>

</center>

==See also==
*[[Fan:Index]]: Other Sonichu-inspired works of art.
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki.
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's youtube channel]

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

File:SonichuRevolution11.jpg

2010-02-23T05:26:35Z

Torchwood:

Asperchu

2010-02-22T01:51:21Z

Torchwood: Revolution Page10

{{Ongoing}}
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
''This article discusses the award winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Fan:Asperchu]].''

'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public [[mailbag]], claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), [[Chris]] made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. [[Fail|He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name Ian Brandon Anderson, nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.]]

Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kid's comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]], and [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|Sonichu is Dead]] creator Sean August Watley's latest project, [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals.]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a [[Down with Asperchu|series]] [[12 January 2010|of]] [[14 January 2010|increasingly]] [[15 January 2010|disturbing]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|videos]] where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[youtube]] videos.

Recently the large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

===The 19 January Demands===

On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centred mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic saviour]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==

In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris has finally admitted that Asperchu is not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and is instead a completely original character. He also apologizes for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responds to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologizes for trying to comandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though tactfully avoids mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeds to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which have becoming increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, decides to give up Simonla and delivers a half-assed [[Forgiveness Blessing]] to Mao, hopefully to finally remove the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris.)

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 February 2010 Mao sent [[Evan]] and Sean a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear.

On 18 February 2010, an [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call between Chris and Alec was released]].

==Sonichu Revolution==

When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided Sonichu fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new Asperchu comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way, and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him]].

===Sonichu Revolution Gallery===

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg</gallery>

</center>

==See also==
*[[Fan:Index]]: Other Sonichu-inspired works of art.
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki.
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's youtube channel]

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

File:SonichuRevolution10.jpg

2010-02-22T01:49:45Z

Torchwood:

Asperchu

2010-02-21T17:22:00Z

Torchwood: Added Sonichu Revolution p.9

{{Ongoing}}
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
''This article discusses the award winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Fan:Asperchu]].''

'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public [[mailbag]], claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), [[Chris]] made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. [[Fail|He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name Ian Brandon Anderson, nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.]]

Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kid's comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]], and [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|Sonichu is Dead]] creator Sean August Watley's latest project, [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals.]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a [[Down with Asperchu|series]] [[12 January 2010|of]] [[14 January 2010|increasingly]] [[15 January 2010|disturbing]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|videos]] where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[youtube]] videos.

Recently the large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

===The 19 January Demands===

On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centred mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic saviour]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==

In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris has finally admitted that Asperchu is not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and is instead a completely original character. He also apologizes for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responds to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologizes for trying to comandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though tactfully avoids mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeds to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which have becoming increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, decides to give up Simonla and delivers a half-assed [[Forgiveness Blessing]] to Mao, hopefully to finally remove the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris.)

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 February 2010 Mao sent [[Evan]] and Sean a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear.

On 18 February 2010, an [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call between Chris and Alec was released]].

==Sonichu Revolution==

When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided Sonichu fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new Asperchu comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way, and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him]].

===Sonichu Revolution Gallery===

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Fan:Index]]: Other Sonichu-inspired works of art.
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki.
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's youtube channel]

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

File:SonichuRevolution9.jpg

2010-02-21T17:20:49Z

Torchwood:

I am Alive

2010-02-05T21:29:41Z

Torchwood:

Fix me!

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84ye0PybM1I 
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPENY0rE3Hs

I am Alive

2010-02-05T21:29:16Z

Torchwood: part 1 link goes to part 1 no2

Fix me!

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84ye0PybM1I
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPENY0rE3Hs

CWCki:Operation Mailbag

2010-01-05T05:00:09Z

Torchwood: heil chandler

{{protip|Operation Mailbag has been superseded by [[Operation Knowledge]]. Go there for details.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 03:58, 31 December 2009 (CET)}}

{{Email|From: Tiffany Clarke <astrogal96@hotmail.com>

Hey Chris,

I like Sonichu so much that I've wallpapered my bedroom with printouts of your Sonichu comics. My parents don't like it that much but they're not the boss of me!!! BTW, when is Metal Sonichu coming back from the moon? I miss him!!!

Oh and I was wondering if you could settle an argument. My brother says there's no way there's life on other planets in this solar system, but I think it's totally possible, you know? Since you were on honor roll and stuff you'd probably know about things like this better than I would (I'm in 8th grade BTW) and you're my favorite comic book guy so I was wondering if you'd know. Is there life on other planets in this solar system? If so, what do you think it's like? If there is life on other planets, should we send people to check it out, or should they be regarded as hostile? I'm dying to know what you think about this.

Have a good 2010

Tiffany Clarke}}

I've been thinking about either hitting him on his "I have magic powers" stance or his blatant Mary Sue solutions to everything in his comic. Which should I go for? Both would be quite juicy, just in different ways. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 07:34, 21 December 2009 (CET)
Better idea. Gotta hit him on "I'm enough of a hero."

{{Email|From: Stan Lee (excelsiorstanlee@gmail.com)

Hey Christian,

I've noticed several times in your mailbag responses that you have stated that Sonichu is a parody. How is that?

Wikipedia defines a parody as "A parody (pronounced /ˈpærədiː/; also called send-up or spoof), in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation."

The best examples of true parody are films such as Mel Brooks' "Spaceballs" and "Young Frankenstein", and even the Family Guy Star Wars special. The Encyclopedia Dramatica page can also be considered a parody of you. Sonichu doesn't mock or ridicule Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers, Family Guy, or Guitar Hero in any way. If Sonichu was, say, about an 'electric hedgehog Pokémon' that didn't have any legs, that would be a parody. The closest thing to parody in Sonichu are the sub-episodes which exaggerate your attempts to find a lover to a ridiculous level where you can defeat jerkops and turn into a hedgehog.

I must also say that I am offended by the tone that you use in your Mailbag responses. Almost all of the people who have taken the time to e-mail you are big fans of your work. Why don't you treat them with a little shred of respect instead of calling them dumbasses and disregarding all of the perfectly valid advice that people are trying to give you?

-Stan}}

{{Email|From: Vlad Tepes (emperorface@gmail.net)
Hello Christian Chandler.

I am the next in line to rule my father's country of New Sacea, which shares borders with South America, he passed away last week and I am to be crowned Emperor soon. Unfortantely he was a victim of war us our government has a law stating the Emperor has to take place in any fights as a soldier.

In our country Sonichu is heavily praised as one of the greatest works of fiction ever and a printed version is avalible in almost every New Sacean library. You are highly intelligent and by our scales even wiser than our greatest scholar, William The Sage. Perhaps, the same could be said of all Geinuses. We have made great technologic advances, much wealth, and many beatiful servant women, thus we are prepared to offer you a grand reward if you can help our people solve the following dilemma:

We are a God-fearing nation that hates those damned homos with all our hearts. These abominations unto God are so evil, they steal men's souls and make them their slaves! Unfortauntely, our empire does not have access to the means of curing the "Homo Gene", so all we can do is prevent their wrong lifestyle from spreading. Thus we execute them on sight.

However, our scholars are perplexed by the "Bi Gene" which gives one an interest in both genders, or in simplier terms they like both men AND women.

You see... I was very unfortunate to become contaminated with the foul curse of bisexualness myself! It was not by my hand that I was given that evil gene of bisexualness: it was brought by some homos, who wished to pay me tribute... Oh how I rue that cruel day!.. If bisexuals do indeed count as homos I must take my own life and let my straight sister rule in my place. For the good of my Holy Motherland!

But enough talk, Christian. Seeing as you are the smartest man in our kingdom's recorded history, maybe you can help me? Please tell me, Christian: should bisexuals be considered homos? Or are they just fine? What is a bisexual? A miserable little pile of evil homo genes? Or do they belong in this world? Am I a homo? Or a normal person?

Please, Christian, save our people by giving us your great knowledge of sexuality and genetics.

With much hope, Emperor Vlad Tepes The 3rd}}

I made two emails, one to question his opinions on bisexuals and one to find out just how bad of a strategist. In addition this will test to see if he even beat the game as he purchased 65 dollars of DLC for it, which would have been completely wasted had he not beaten it as you can only access the non-canon/dlc character during the end game. Also, to further test his stupidity, Almaz Von Adamite is a main character in Disgaea and Roy Mustang is a character from Fullmetal Alchemist who has never appeared in a Disgaea title. Seeing as Disgaea is a Strategy Game, I have my doubts as to whether or not Chris has even played the damn thing, let alone beat it. It amuses me greatly knowing he has less common sense than a turkey shoving things up his ass to make him look "too fat" for the hunters to kill.

{{Email|From: "The Engineer" (beecave656@buildersleagueunited.com)

Howdy, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler!

Folks at work like to call me The Engineer, and I suppose that's what I got my PhD for. Now, normally I don't truck much with video games and comic books 'n all that, but some of my co-workers are into that sort of thing and they called to my attention a lil' ol' mystery that goes by C.W.C. Accordin' to your website you say you've got a degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Design, and that somehow you managed to take ''six years'' in gettin' it. Now, not to be hostile just yet but taking six years to get a CADD degree is a little like not learnin' how to tie your shoes until you're in high school, architecturally speakin'. Most people in your position would be whippin' out PhDs and doctorates in the time it took you to get situated in CADD and spending that much time in gettin' it seems just plain egregious.

Now, I assume you got your reasons for taking that long, an' I trust that they're good reasons. Call it Southern hospitality. Nonetheless there's somethin' weird about this whole thing so let me just get a few questions offa my mind. Namely these questions are about that city you like to trump about, the one from your comic book, the one you call C-W-C-ville. You seem to think this city built outta Legos is real, you keep sayin' it's real when it's brought up, and yet you say, and I'm going to quote from you directly so there's no confusion as to why ''I'm'' confused, "the city and the mall Can Be Built and Dedicated."

First of all, last I checked things that don't exist yet are ''fictional.'' I got a PhD in quantum physics too (those teleporters ain't buildin' themselves) so I know for damn sure that if your city ain't built yet it sure as hell ain't real. You seem'ta built a little C-W-C-ville out of Lego, but a city of Lego ain't a city of tens of thousands of people. So, I suppose the first question is, "why do you think just wishin' it were real ''makes'' it real?"

Second of all I gotta wonder why you think an entire city built and named after a cartoonist is even vaguely possible. You're not talkin' something like Disneyland where a multi-billion-dollar megacorporation builds up a massive amusement park, you're talkin' about defictionalizing a city from a comic book, that is to say making it a real-live hundreds-of-thousands-of-people-big city. Named after you. A cartoonist. In my experience most cities get named after people who do things like win wars or kill a bunch of Indians. That means Question No. 2 is "why in the Good Lord's name would they build a city for a guy whose main contribution is drawin' a bunch of magic hedgehogs going on whimsical little magical hedgehog adventures?" Unless there's a bunch of won wars or dead Indians you ain't been mentionin'.

Last of all, I just gotta ask--why ain't you usin' none of that CADD work in your comic? I mean, the stuff you show is all done up in Crayola marker and ball-point pen, it's hideous. It makes my engineer's soul hurt. You spend six years gettin' that CADD degree and yet for some reason the Good Lord seems fit to withhold from us, you do your design not-on-computer. Seems to bypass the "computer-aided" part of that degree. I hate to see a fine education bein' wasted.

Anyhow, Chris, hate to bend you so harsh like that, but like I said, I'm a Texas man. We don't believe in holdin' back. Hope I got you some food for thought, and hope I can get a little clarifyin' on the subject.

No hard feelin's,
"The Engineer"
---
Builders' League United
Your first choice in discreet construction!}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Stan (song)|Stan]] 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)
Dear Chris,

You still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance! I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans!!!

If you didn't wanna reply to me outside your Mailbag, you didn't have to, but you coulda at least post a decent reply! You upset Matthew - that's my little brother man, he's only six years old! We waited in front of the computer screen for your reply, for hours, and you just wrote, "[[(INSERT WHAT CHRIS ANSWERS HERE)]]" That's pretty shitty, man - you're like his fucking idol, he wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do

I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to! Remember when we met in the Poke'mon League - you said if I'd write you you would write back? See, I'm just like you in a way: I never liked those straight JERKS neither, they just always cheat on girls and beat them! I can relate to what you're saying in your comics, so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and browse them all, cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed... I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest!

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds - it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you draw about is real, and I respect you 'cos you tell it. My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7, but he don't know you like I know you Chris, no one does! He don't know what it was like for "Homos" like us growin up!

You gotta call me man, I'll be the Biggest Gay Fan you'll ever lose!

Sincerely yours, Stan.

P.S.: We should be together too <3}}

{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Stan (song)|Stan]] 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Answer-My-Fans,

This'll be the last message I ever send your ass! It's been [[(INSERT TIME INTERVAL HERE)]] and still no decent reply - I don't deserve it??? I know you got my last two letters, I typed the addresses on 'em perfect

So this is my last letter I'm sending you, I hope you read it - I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway

Hey Chris, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night", about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him???

That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning!!! Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy and all I wanted was a lousy reply or a call!!!!! I hope you know I ripped ALL of your drawings off the wall!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU CHRISSSSSSS we coulda been TOGEHTER THINK about it YOU RUINED IT now I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you DREAM about it and when you DREAM I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you SCREAM about it I hope your CONSCIENCE EATS AT YOU AND YOU CAN'T BREATHE WITHOUT ME SEE CHRIS

SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING TYPE!!! Hey Chris that's my homo boyfriend screamin in the trunk but I didn't slit his throat I just tied him up see I ain't like you cause if he suffocates he'll suffer more and then he'll die too

...

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now :) Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit ou}}

^-- ''I chose to make "Stan" gay (er... gayer) because that raises the chance Chris won't answer the first letter, or will put it in a Rejected Mailbag, or will write a 3 words reply, or smth. along these lines. That would give me a chance to reenact the whole song. If you think I should better make him an Aspie to get that effect, say so, I'll change the letters. I suggest maybe the mods should post the letters in subsequent Mailbags, so that Chris won't forget "Stan".'' --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 13:12, 27 December 2009 (CET)

{{Email|From: Tor Go (iTaKeCaReOfThEpLaCe@manos.com)

Hello, Chris. Can you help me with a problem?

You see, at my workplace, there are a lot of beautiful women that I'd love to make my sweetheart, but my boss is such a cockblock (not to mention an egomaniac - he wants us to call him "the Master"!), and he won't let me go near them when he's around. Of course, he's done it with every single one of them, so he's a big hypocrite. Recently, we just hired a new woman I'm especially fond of, and I want to make it clear to the boss that I won't put up with his crap anymore by asking her out. However, I'm going to need your advice first.

1. We kind of got off on the wrong foot - I might have done a few things that creeped her and the rest of her family out (Oh, and the boss's dog attacked her poodle on my watch, but that wasn't my fault, I swear!). How can I make a better impression?

2. How soon in a relationship is it okay to touch her hair, shoulder, etc.? Do you think women like that?

3. What is the most romantic thing you can do with a woman? What's the most romantic think you have actually done with a woman?

4. My boss has been eyeing this woman's daughter lately, and, from what I've been hearing, he's going to hire her soon so he can get close to her over time, then start a relationship with her as soon as she's legal. I think that's creepy. What do you think?

5. Off-topic, but I was once in a movie that didn't do very well in theaters or with critics. Tell me, what do you think about critics? Do you think they're too mean, or just doing their jobs?

Well, I have to go take care of the place while "the Master" is away. Thank you!}}

...yeah, I'm a dork. I should really lay off the MST3K for a while. Still, the first email may just confirm my suspicion that Chris has no taste, and likes every movie, show, or game he sees. --TheyCalledMeMad 21:21, 27 December 2009 (CET)

{{Email|From: Mac Tonight (Moonman3k@gmail.com)

Hey Chris, my organization, the KKK loves your comic. We would like you to join. Basically we're a group that believes that Homos should try to become straight and that black boys should find black sweethearts and white boys should find white sweethearts. You may have heard a lot of bad things about us, but we only want to do what god wants us to do and love who we're supposed to. Our official chant is "KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK" we would be honored if you featured that chant and our official spokesman "Moon Man" in an issue of Sonichu. If you do this you will be fully inducted as a member of the KKK, which stands for "Kute Kitty Kat".

I have included an image of Moon Man, the KKK official spokesman, please include him in your comic.
 http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/272/moonmandrawingcut.th.png 
If you get fully inducted you will recieve the title of Electric Dragon
From Head Klansman, Mac Tonight }}

{{Email|From: Mary Lee Walsh (maryleewalsh@pvcc.edu)
Dearest Christian
I read your comics, perhaps I was wrong. You clearly are a creative genius, I feel really sorry for trying to stand in the way of your finding a girlfriend. I am so sorry. You added me as a villain which I thought was pretty cool, but then you renamed me "Slaweel Ryam" Chris, what I did to you was wrong, and although you may have forgiven me. I would like you to change Slaweel Ryam back to Mary Lee Walsh. Many of the faculty read your comic and I used to brag about how I was included in it. Anyway Chris, I give you full permission to use my name for the villain. Just call it a little something for me, okay?
With Love, Mary Lee Walsh}}

A test of his gullibility and knowledge, plus Slaweel Ryam is inredibly stupid.

{{Email|From: Lady Dr. Ashmere Caladbolg (hillsplittingblade@resurrectionlabs.kvx)

To Mr. Chandler:

Is Lady Dr. Ashmere Caladbolg. You have not heard of me. Am not one to be heard of. But am sexologist from distant land not-to-be-named. Our is secret study. Name assumed for secrecy (this name is not mine from birth; name theme chosen for achievement in life). Allowed research outside for sanity purpose given secret kept. Apologies poor English. Translation software poor on computer. I must ask question. Question useful to study. Would be happy with answer.

(One) Is note you use porn "Educational Purpose." Is funny you do so Mr. Chandler. Pornography not educational. Pornography like action movie. Bruce Willis shot at ten thousand time, is not hit once, is jump through glass uncut, is "kill helicopter with car." Not to be learned from. Impossible in real life. Pornography same. Strange acts, strange position not intimate but interesting to see on film. Impossible conditions, strange fetish to be shown common. Not like real sex. Real sex not have crew, director, hours between shot to keep strong. Why consider porn education, Mr. Chandler? Is strange.

(Two) You say you are not gay. I believe you say truth, believe you like women. But what you say is not listened to because you say it always, always. Seem like you are hiding untruth. Others hear, think you are gay, trying to hide for fear Society. Seem very easy to anger, Mr. Chandler. Would have been better to say nothing. Have said everything. Are disbelieved. Is ((superiority comedy)) to them. Why be angry Mr. Chandler? Respond to everything with anger. Anger never work. Why every time claimed gay, you correct loud as possible? Solves nothing, makes only worse.

(Three) Hear that your penis is bent, like elbow, like beast of Loch Ness. Painful condition Mr. Chandler. Is to be corrected. Is not normal. Make sex-with-woman difficult. Am hear you receive ((mercy payment)) from government; why not save for operation? Would make Mr. Chandler Penis mighty and vigorous. This you want, yes? Why is not done?

Would help. Would help Lady Dr. Caladbolg, who splits the hill with her blade. Would help much Lord Dr. Caliburn, who rests in stone until pulled free. Would help much Lord Dr. Durandal, who even mountain cannot break. Would help Lady Dr. Curtana, whose blade yields to mercy only.

--RESURRECTION LABS
"Durch das Leiden, zu den Sternen"}}

Felt like writing in a funny voice, really.

{{Email|From: Yuji Naka (Yujinaka@sonicsega.com)
I am the president of the Sega Corporation, Yuji Naka, and I wish to inform you that Sonichu infringes several copyrights. I understand that Sonichu is under the protection of Parody law and is a humorous parody of Sonic The Hedgehog, for which I applaude you. But your use of Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik, Sonic The Hedgehog, Amy Rose, as well as Giavonni (from Pokemon), Optimus Prime (from Transformers) cannot be tolerated. If you wish to sell your product you must refrain from using these characters as well as rewrite the plot to exclude uses of them. You do not own them and no self-respecting company will be found using other people's characters. When Robot Chicken makes a parody, they purchase licenses to use those robots and when Family Guy or Simpsons includes an external character they change the design in order to make it forgein to the original property. Thus they are no longer in fault. Notice the South Park episode "Chimpokomon" which uses non-pokemon characters to poke fun at Pokemon, the name is similar so you can still tell what it is parodying, but had Pikachu been in it they would have been sued instantly.

To restate my previous statements, Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, and Slaweel Ryam, all fine with me. Robotnik, Giavonni, Sonic, Optimus Prime, and Amy Rose... I am afriad you'll have to get the proper concent of Sega, Nintendo, and Bandai to continue displaying images of these characters. Failure to do so will result in a lawsuit. I can already tell you that no one at Sega authorized Sonic, Amy, and Eggman's inclusion. I don't know if Bandai or Nintendo did, but if you wish to gain licenses to Sonic The Hedgehog to continue showing the images with the characters, you will have to ask Sega Of America.

Good day, you have three months to get the licenses or remove all images containing Perfect Chaos, Amy Rose, Sonic The Hedgehog, and Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik.
before you recieve a cease and desist.
Sega Of Japan President, Yuji Naka.

PS: I am pleased with your work, and believe that if you ask our licensing department you should have no problems getting the rights to Sonic, Amy, Robotnik/Eggman, and Perfect Chaos.}}

{{Email|From: Andrew Ryan (andrewryan@rapture.net)
Hey Chris. I've been a fan since sonichu was first released and I'm glad to be writing you. I am impressed with the way you have led CWCville. However, I have a question. Who are your favorite porn actresses?}}

Ironically, Andrew Ryan would have an aneurysm if he ever heard about CWCville's "Soup Hotels." But mainly I just want him to be more specific about his taste in women.

{{Email|From: Joseph Goebbels (JGoeb@3rdR.gov)
Dear Christian:

I am a government worker, and I have given some thought to your stances on homosexuality in CWCville. It occurs to me that the stamping out of the gay community could be accomplished in four simple steps.

First control the media in the city. It would be rather simple to install a V-chip in all major signal recievers in CWCville so that no Objectionable Content could reach the citizens. This will also serve to keep them docile.

Second, expand Magi-chan's police force. Create a special task force comprised of sonichus that can work quickly and efficiently, as opposed to the slower police force, which is bogged down with protocol. You could call this the "Sonichu Squad", or 'SS' for short. They report directly to Magi-chan, and when a homosexual is located, the SS can round them up and place them in a Correction Camp, where their will can be systematically broken and reshaped into something you personally deem more 'kosher'. You can also put them to work while in these camps so that the camps pay for themselves. And for the truly unrepentant homos, they can be given permanent jobs cleaning the smoke stacks around the city.

Third, a campaign of misinformation against the imaginary 'homo gene' can work wonders. If people can be convinced of the ridiculous notion that a simple sneeze or sharing a coke can turn someone gay, people in the city will be too frightened to even talk to one another, allowing you to consolidate your power for the final step.

Finally, when the community is about to self-destruct, begin to distribute a 'vaccine' for the gay gene. While this is obviously just snake oil, since no chemical cure for a desire can possibly exist, but in their panic, people will accept what you tell them and heil you as a hero. Never again will you have to worry about impostors or elections. The populace will follow you to any lengths.

I hope this plan helps you with your current predicament.

Joseph Goebbels.}}

File:CADD Chef.jpg

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CADD Chef

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 6]]

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Page 41 from [[Sonichu 5]]

[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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Page 38 from [[Sonichu 5]]

[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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Page 37 from [[Sonichu 5]]

[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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Page 30 from [[Sonichu 5]]

[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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Page 20 from [[Sonichu 5]]

[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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IN THE NAME OF HEARTS WE SHALL PUNISH YOU

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 5]]

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Page 15 from [[Sonichu 5]]

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[[Category:Art from Sonichu 5]]

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[[Category: Art from Sonichu 5]]

File:Chris blood.jpg

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A single drop of Christian's blood, mingled with his tears of oppression, to roll down his face and kiss the ground; the serenity of its ripple effect juxtapositioned with the blatant police abuse that created it. Doesn't this make you want to have sex with him, ladies?

(Source: Sonichu 4, Sub-Episode 8)

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 4]]

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Scene from [[Sub-Episode 7]]

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Crystal Weston Chandler

[[Category: Art from Sonichu 4]]

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Page 11 of [[McAttack]]

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Page 8 from [[Sonichu 3]]

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Pages 5 and 7 from [[Sonichu 3]], overlapping.

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A page from [[Sonichu 3]] which rips off [[anime|Inuyasha]].

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Page 35 of [[Sonichu 1]]

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Page 23 of [[Sonichu 1]]

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[[Category:Scrapbook images]]

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2010-01-04T01:41:41Z

Torchwood: uploaded "File:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg"

Advertisement for [[Sonichu Adventure]] for Nintendo GameCube.

[[Category: Fake advertisements]][[Category: Art from Sonichu 0]]