CWCki - User contributions [en]

26 December 2014

2014-12-30T04:48:19Z

TrammatPusher: /* Transcript */ the "raspberry" is just digital clipping, probably from phone mic being brushed. Employee's words are clearly "$22.10", not directed at Chris.

{{Ongoing}}
'''26 December 2014''' was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Once again, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]], and once again, it involves [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a store]]. This time, though, it doesn't look like he'll get off the hook so easily.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===

[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris moments before the assault.]]

That Chris was in trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris pepper-spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, sporting full [[Tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]] with the purpose of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalising their Sonic Boom merchandise]] (staff said he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of [[Chris and fashion|purple toy sunglasses]] as a [[Honor roll|"disguise"]]. Needless to say, he was recognised by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalise the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the Sonic Boom stuff before leaving, but he eventually left, as seen in the video, commanding the staff to [[Chris and negotiation|"Don't call anybody!"]] as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he pepper-sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed, and the store did not close.

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weening|weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris caused unspecified trouble at JCPenney and Sears, and had some sort of encounter with a [[JERKS|man]] in his car in the parking lot (speculated to be an attempted carjacking, or Chris [[Honor roll|trying to get in the wrong car]] in a moment of blind panic), who also notified the police. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking the building, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also somehow managed to contact Barbara, who had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car (this also marks one of the few times Barb found out what was going on before the trolls did). Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day. For the full story, we may need to wait for Chris's inevitable account at his video court hearing (presuming he's allowed to speak), or on Facebook when he's released, but as always, we'll have to remember that [[Sub-episodes|he'll inevitably twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] and get sympathy out of his [[white knight|white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of the [[CWCki Forums]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point. It's unknown if he's getting along with his sink this time.

[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|left|A hit new [[Netflix]] show rocking the [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

===Aftermath===
A followup call from a [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of [[28 October 2011]]. If the claims by the troll are indeed true, it is likely that Chris will be facing severe legal penalties, as his crime was technically malicious assault, as well as the laws he broke by not only refusing to leave a premise he was banned from but quite possibly also vandalism of their merchandise. That's without factoring in whatever he got up to in JCPenney, Sears or the parking lot.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative (if he pleads not guilty in video court) is out of the question. Chris also probably has more charges against him this time, almost certainly more serious ones.

With estimates for Chris's jail sentence ranging from mere days to 5 years, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], perhaps even [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Whether he'll be forced to seek psychiatric help is also in question, and obviously greatly [[Chris and psychology|hoped for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has been forced to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off - for example, Snyder decided to seek leniency for Chris after 28 October 2011, the CWCki Forums, of all people, put together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]], and for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's [[white knight|white knights]] are the gift that has just kept giving. This would all be well and good if Chris would be grateful for his narrow escapes, and learn to be more cautious next time, but instead, Chris [[Chris and his Ego|simply expects to be bailed out]].

Whatever the outcome, it's doubtful it'll teach Chris anything about how to behave in public, it'll more likely simply resuscitate [[Chris and anger|his old grudge against]] [[Jerkop|police officers]] and [[Manajerks|retail workers]].

On December 29th, it was confirmed that Chris had posted bail and left jail.

== Chris's side of the story ==

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident - aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident - and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[troll|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his Facebook. It's also noteworthy that many of his [[White knight|White Knights]] are pretty abhored by Chris' actions. It seems this time around, everyone is against him, even regardless if the post he made has over 225 likes.

In this illuminating tract, Chris is seemingly oblivious to just how self-damning the stuff he's saying is. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their \M/ETAL cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png
</gallery>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = GameStop Assault
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Hoodie
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next =
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''A beep is heard as Chris walks near the camera'']

'''Chris''': [[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the horror they've just witnessed.'']

'''Employee''' (To customer at register): Twenty-two ten. (Laughs)

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee with pepper spray, who recoils in self-defense.'']

'''Employee''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2014-12-30T04:38:33Z

TrammatPusher: /* Aftermath */ remove random moralfaggotry from random a-log who clearly has no clue how autistic brains "work"

{{Ongoing}}
'''26 December 2014''' was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Once again, Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]], and once again, it involves [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]]. This time, though, it doesn't look like he'll get off the hook so easily.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===

[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris moments before the assault.]]

That Chris was in trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris pepper-spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, sporting full [[Tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]] with the purpose of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalising their Sonic Boom merchandise]] (staff said he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of [[Chris and fashion|purple toy sunglasses]] as a [[Honor roll|"disguise"]]. Needless to say, he was recognised by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalise the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the Sonic Boom stuff before leaving, but he eventually left, as seen in the video, commanding the staff to [[Chris and negotiation|"Don't call anybody!"]] as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he pepper-sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed, and the store did not close.

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weening|weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris caused unspecified trouble at JCPenney and Sears, and had some sort of encounter with a [[JERKS|man]] in his car in the parking lot (speculated to be an attempted carjacking, or Chris [[Honor roll|trying to get in the wrong car]] in a moment of blind panic), who also notified the police. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking the building, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also somehow managed to contact Barbara, who had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car (this also marks one of the few times Barb found out what was going on before the trolls did). Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day. For the full story, we may need to wait for Chris's inevitable account at his video court hearing (presuming he's allowed to speak), or on Facebook when he's released, but as always, we'll have to remember that [[Sub-episodes|he'll inevitably twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] and get sympathy out of his [[white knight|white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of the [[CWCki Forums]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point. It's unknown if he's getting along with his sink this time.

[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|left|A hit new [[Netflix]] show rocking the [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

===Aftermath===
A followup call from a [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of [[28 October 2011]]. If the claims by the troll are indeed true, it is likely that Chris will be facing severe legal penalties, as his crime was technically malicious assault, as well as the laws he broke by not only refusing to leave a premise he was banned from but quite possibly also vandalism of their merchandise. That's without factoring in whatever he got up to in JCPenney, Sears or the parking lot.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative (if he pleads not guilty in video court) is out of the question. Chris also probably has more charges against him this time, almost certainly more serious ones.

With estimates for Chris's jail sentence ranging from mere days to 5 years, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], perhaps even [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Whether he'll be forced to seek psychiatric help is also in question, and obviously greatly [[Chris and psychology|hoped for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has been forced to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off - for example, Snyder decided to seek leniency for Chris after 28 October 2011, the CWCki Forums, of all people, put together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]], and for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's [[white knight|white knights]] are the gift that has just kept giving. This would all be well and good if Chris would be grateful for his narrow escapes, and learn to be more cautious next time, but instead, Chris [[Chris and his Ego|simply expects to be bailed out]].

Whatever the outcome, it's doubtful it'll teach Chris anything about how to behave in public, it'll more likely simply resuscitate [[Chris and anger|his old grudge against]] [[Jerkop|police officers]] and [[Manajerks|retail workers]].

On December 29th, it was confirmed that Chris had posted bail and left jail.

== Chris's side of the story ==

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident - aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident - and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[troll|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his Facebook. It's also noteworthy that many of his [[White knight|White Knights]] are pretty abhored by Chris' actions. It seems this time around, everyone is against him, even regardless if the post he made has over 225 likes.

In this illuminating tract, Chris is seemingly oblivious to just how self-damning the stuff he's saying is. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their \M/ETAL cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png
</gallery>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = GameStop Assault
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Hoodie
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next =
}}
=== Transcript ===
[''A beep is heard as Chris walks near the camera, then blows a raspberry.'']

'''Chris''': [[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the horror they've just witnessed.'']

'''Employee''' (To Chris): You're too tense. (Laughs)

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee with pepper spray, who recoils in self-defense.'']

'''Employee''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

14 Branchland Court

2014-02-13T23:50:04Z

TrammatPusher: /* Destruction of the Chandler Household */ thats not how insurance works

[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, [[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]}}

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]] is the lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]] and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It is a white (now faded to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. His mother has threatened to kick him out of the house if he tries to throw away her worthless junk.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]], it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 January 2014, Chris reported that the house had sustained major structural damage from an [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|early-morning house fire]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy, and other possessions made it out safely, but the state of the house and the family's possessions is (as of 11 January) considered unknown.

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of junk that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
{{clear}}

===Yard===
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]]. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where [[Bob]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.

In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an overgrown lawn, in addition to the above.

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==

In 2013, a [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|video was leaked]] by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris' home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say ''(especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012)'', the house has become even ''more'' of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that ever so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barbara Chandler|parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

By this time, the bug infestation appears to have been gotten rid of, or at least contained. It was stated before that the infestation was so bad that Chris was confined to his room in order to avoid getting bitten, but in this video, no bugs are seen and Chris makes no mention of them.

==Destruction of the Chandler Household==

[[Image:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|right|Witness image of 14 Branchland Court on fire. On Facebook, Chris blamed Keurig for causing the fire, but later let slip in an email that it was plugged into a "heavy-duty" extension cord in the basement bathroom.]]

On January 10th, 2014, a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|fire broke out]] at the Chandler household. According to Chris, this was caused by the faulty wiring of a coffee machine, which sparked and started the blaze. Reportedly, Chris, his mother, the beagles and Lucy (one of the cats) made it out safely ''(surprising when you consider how much clutter was obstructing the stairways as seen in the second Tour video)'', but it is unknown as to what the status of the remaining pets are.

From what Chris has written so far, it can be assumed that the Chandler's escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to save his wallet, medication for his mother, as well as some clothes and shoes, as well as his iPhone. Since the fire, Chris has also been observed on Miiverse, suggesting that he also managed to save his 3DS at some point. As for everything else, it can be assumed that they were either lost in the blaze, or suffered water damage in the efforts to douse it.

For the time being, Chris and his mother are staying at a hotel until repairs could be done to the house.

As completely tragic as this incident is, it did not come as a surprise to some people that something like this would have happened, either due to Barbara's constant hoarding or Chris' unwillingness to properly clean his house and ensure that any excess of clutter would have been removed so that they wouldn't add fuel to the fire. As pointed out by quite a few concerned people, the house was ''always'' a health and safety hazard ''(ever since Chris released the first Tour of his house, at the very least)'', and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Sadly, as always, Chris disregarded this very well-meaning advice, and, as a result, reaped what he and his family had sown.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' (now that Bob kicked it, his mother's) mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that his parents have read some of the letters and ignored them).

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The eventual future of 14 Branchland Court.]]

Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly mother to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt2.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt3.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt4.jpg|
File:14BranchlandCourt5.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
* [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

Gal pal

2013-11-08T14:15:20Z

TrammatPusher: /* Molly Quarles */ someone's misinterpreting the words of the autistic

{{quote
|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.
|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]
}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, [[Miranda Joyce Mitchell]], Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for a female friend. Chris claims to have had a lot of these in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. Since then, he has been lamenting over the lack of gal-pals for over a decade.

==Chris and gal-pals==

Chris said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref> He has always been hesitant towards making friends with males due to bad experiences with [[jerks]]. Perhaps because of this, he has adopted rather feminine traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the [[sex tape]], or having a collection of [[My Little Pony|My Little Ponys]]), ignorant to the fact that what might be acceptable for girls would be considered taboo for guys.

In typical Chris style, he has managed to drive every single gal-pal away. He believes that due to all his gal-pals, he had his pick of which to turn into his [[sweetheart]] and that he missed out on this opportunity during [[high school]], oblivious that they probably associated with him out of pity.

It is also interesting to note that he never refers to girls as "friends", only "gal-pals". Usually, this phrase is used by women when talking about their social clique. Only [[gay]] men ever refer to female friends as "gal-pals", and even then, they're usually joking. Men talking about female companions will just say "friend", or "a girl who happens to be my friend" as opposed to a "girlfriend", because in English colloquy, the latter is implying a romantic relationship. The fact that Chris never thinks of girls around him as "friends" and repeatedly calls them "gal-pals" (which he probably thinks is cute, him being "one of the girls") reasserts his [[women's rights|sexism]]. He doesn't see the women in his life as equals and companions, he sees them as possible [[china]].

==Notable gal-pals==

* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]
* [[Virginia Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]
* [[Kellie Lyn Andes]]
* [[Tiffany Nicole Gowen]]
* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Kacey Devoria]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]

==Other gal-pals==
===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' was a friend of Chris in the days he lived in [[Richmond]]. She was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days."

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' was a friend Chris met at [[Providence Middle School]], and who was slightly older than him. He felt very fond of her, and they were next-door neighbors for a while, often hanging out at the bus stop near their homes.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===
[[File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|thumb|'''Sarah Anne Bevel''' (in green, on the right) and '''Miranda Joyce Mitchell''' (in black, next to her).]]
'''Sarah Anne Bevel''' was Chris's classmate at [[Manchester High]]. She had a sweetheart there named Brian Smart. Chris recalls hearing that they broke up some time in the [[2000s]].

In a [[Facebook]] post dated 12 September 2013, Chris lamented how Sarah claimed to have no longer known him, despite apparently being one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>https://i.imgur.com/pdioxYY.png</ref>

===Molly Quarles===
'''Molly Quarles''' was a cheerleader (the same year as Laura Beth Dorazio) during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. Chris recalls being matched up in a "dating match-up thing" they had every Valentines Day at Manchester High. According to Chris it was ''"the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then."''<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, Chris was reported while trying to get back in touch with her via [[Facebook]] to see was she only pitying him.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda Joyce Mitchell''' was a girl with whom Chris shared a few classes. According to Chris, she was "a big brain of my Circle of Friends." Miranda, or "Maranda" as she was dubbed by Chris,<ref>[http://classic-web.archive.org/web/20010217092458/http://homepages.go.com/~christianchandler/pokste2.htm CWC's Pokésite 2!]</ref> helped our hero out in his early website creating days by redesigning the [[CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo.

==Betrayal==
On 30 October, 2013, Chris [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|posted on Facebook]] about a recent discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.

{{quote
|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now, but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.
|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]
}}

Of course, this comes as a surprise to no one except Chris, as the [[Anna_McLerran|vast]] [[Kim Wilson|majority]] [[Vivian_Gee|of]] his gal-pals have indeed been [[White_knight|white knights]] trying to protect him.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Barbara Chandler

2013-11-05T18:39:33Z

TrammatPusher: /* Mental */ whoever wrote this has no fucking clue how hospitals or quarantines work

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].}}

{{quote| she threatens to kill me |Chris on Barb.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_26</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Barbara Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Barbara Anne Weston
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Snorlax, Barb
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age 72)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Marriages'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (1961-19??) 
[[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Children'''
| [[Cole Smithey]]
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Office worker (retired)
|-
|}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Family and early life==
Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was around 30]].<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html#P141</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d118.html#P141</ref>

According to [[Facebook statuses|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 30 [[January 2012]], Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years.
===Cole and his various fathers===
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref>

====Jack Dale Smithey====
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG</ref>

In 1995, an Internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

====Ran Coleman Yeatts====
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook.]]

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref>

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey_E-mails</ref>

Yeatts died on 6 June 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.<ref>http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

====Jerry Harmon====
Jerry Harmon is [[Barbara]]'s former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

===Marriage with Bob===
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>
{{-}}

===Pampering of Chris===

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]].<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Song_of_christian</ref>

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cutco</ref>

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'']</ref>

==Health problems==
===Physical===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:Barb.PNG|thumb|left|''Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother'']]

Like Chris, Barbara has been [[obese]]. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out in more recent years, to the point of resembling an American [[Wikipedia:Rose West|Rose West]]. Her [[Obesity|massive size]] earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her sleeping a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

According to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.

In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks." It's not clear exactly what sort of problem this refers to -- possibly bed sores from lack of activity -- but it doesn't sound pleasant.

On 23 August 2013 Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was and what kind of treatment was Barb given.

===Mental===
During the [[Ivy]] Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might kill herself, as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Chris labels Barb a "pack rat"<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>; however, "hoarder" may be a more appropriate title. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, which helped turn [[14 Branchland Court]] into the fire- and biohazard it is today, including making the living room completely uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> Trolls attempted to get the house featured on the A&E show "Hoarders" by emailing the show's producers, who made a number of attempts to get in contact with the Chandlers but had no success.<ref>http://imageshack.us/f/28/cwcaeemails.jpg/</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, obstensibly due to the conditions at the Chandler house. <ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref>

In a May 17, 2011 email to [[Jackie]], Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[Tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and threatening to kill him.<ref>http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_26</ref>

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Appearances==
===In the comics===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in two videos to date as of [[February 2012]]: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]].
{{-}}

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when [[The Simpsons]] went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> DELETED
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M&feature=channel_video_title Interview about Barb]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

September 2013 Facebook Posts

2013-11-01T18:51:51Z

TrammatPusher: /* Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close */ incoherent

The following are a series of [[Facebook]] posts Chris posted on [[September 2013]].

(Note: Some info have been removed for identity protection and to prevent namefagging.)

==Summary==
* 1 [[September 2013]] - Chris talks about [[My Little Pony]] again, revealing his favourite ponies.
* 2 September 2013 - Chris complains about being intercepted by a [[Manajerk]] and an "Offline [[Troll]]/Bully".
* 3 September 2013 - Chris whines to one of his Facebook friends about his stress.
* 4 September 2013 - Chris rated 1 star for the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]].
* 6 September 2013 - Chris shared a link about helpful advice about interactions for autistic people. He also complains about being banned from [[Walmart]].
* 7 September 2013 - Chris scratched a woman's car at El Agave Lot and wants [[God]] to kill him.
* 10 September 2013 - Chris posted a link to the Facebook page "Brassieres For Males".
* 11 September 2013 - Chris shared the Facebook link to the movie "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close".
* 17 September 2013 - Chris receives a [[Sonic]] Underground DVD as a present, and rants about how people should send their gifts to him.
* 24 September 2013 - Chris uploads a photo of Megan, and several of himself holding what appears to be a Lego figure.

==Posts by Chris==
===Completing the MHS Roster Checklist===
{{incomplete}}
{{quotebox|Sunday, 1 September 2013

Completing the MHS Roster Checklist

I'm writing this note as a sticky reminder to all my classmates for the upcoming reunion. <nowiki>**</nowiki>I am still searching for '''[[Tiffany Nicole Gowen]]''' and '''[[Gal pals#Miranda Joyce Mitchell|Maranda Joyce Mitchel]]''' who aren't on Facebook as far as I can tell.<nowiki>**</nowiki>}}

===Ten A Piece For Rainbow Dash And Applejack===
[[File:Saved.jpg|thumb|Derpy Hooves.]]
Chris reveals his favourite ponies from [[My Little Pony]] and talks about Derpy Hooves.

{{quotebox|Sunday, 1 September 2013
I've just heard from the [[Twitter]] feed that Fluttershy was voted the Fan Favorite Pony. I had voted ten a piece for Rainbow Dash and Applejack. It just hit me tough.

Also, just recently, I saw the vinyl figures that were sold at Hot Topic (I have Derpy) at Toys 'R' Us in C-Ville. And I've just heard of the Fan Favorite set at TRU to feature Derpy as well, but instead of her name, they put a muffin image in its place. I am looking forward to Season 4 in November. Perhaps they will have another episode featuring Derpy, and actually refer to her directly as that or Dipsy-Doo.

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC2EMUuQmTY</nowiki>}}

===Offline Troll/Bully===
Chris complains about how he gets intercepted by a [[Manajerk]] and an "Offline [[Troll]]/Bully". (in his words) He also blames a lot of people such as [[Michael Snyder]] and [[Megan Schroeder]] later. In a VERY rare moment of insight, Chris briefly realizes that his behaviour could be ''insane'', but quickly shrugs off this and the words of a white knight to continue doing what he does best - blaming other people for his problems instead of himself.

{{quotebox|Monday, 2 September 2013
I have just been intercepted by a [[Manajerk]] and an Offline [[Troll]]/Bully. Her name is '''[REDACTED]'''; works within the [[Mal-Wart]] region. Every Troll/Cyber-Bully should contact her at her email address of '''[REDACTED]''', and remind her that no one is to mess with an [[Autistic]] Person when they are in a depressed, sad, angry or foul mood, especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst mud, muck and bodily fluids that said Autistic Person has, and if his hatred of the [[XBox]] brand, and the number of Trolls that populate half to three-quarters of that brand, stand in the way of the foul mood, then that is Microsoft's Freaking Problem!}}

It would later be revealed that the "offline bully" was actually a [[manajerk]] who threw Chris out of the store after he vandalised one of their [[HEX-BOX|Xbox One]] displays.

William Elliott Waterman then tries to help him:
{{quoteboxgreen|I don't think it's nice to spread someone's email around a public website.}}
{{quotebox|Please forgive me. But prior to this, I was feeling self-upset from the realization that I still have great difficulty socializing face to face in Public. Another in-town convention that was recommended to me, and from the Madicon experience last year, I still feel greatly the terrible Shyness I still have, because of my Autism. Damn It!!!}}
{{quotebox|And when one person gets in the way of me completing my job of shopping for my mother, or such, or when said or another person face to face gives me a difficulty time with harsh vocal tones, especially when I am feeling in a sasd or foul mood, it will be months to years before forgiving them ever, and immediately, they get a curse.}}
{{quotebox|<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>. Yes, it is irrational, and I don't really have a leg to stand on, and this is just dumb, stupid, immature...}}
{{quotebox|OMFG... I have mental problems... Shit.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|We all bear grudges, but having good PR means keeping it between you and the offender. You're a loving, caring person, but putting your anger on display for people who don't need to get involved won't help others see that.}}
{{quotebox|Yeah. I re-realize that.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|You don't have to let them shoot down your emotional state. Though she's far away, Anna knows the real you. The sweet, kind-hearted soul that isn't the creep the internet made you out to be. There are people that met you who understand this. Your old gal pals from high school may be some of them. As long as you remember that, the people that derail and persecute you won't matter to you.}}
Needless to say, Chris ignored the helpful advice and continues to complain. In a desperate bid not to blame himself for his vandalism incident, Chris instead blames [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his attorney [[Rob Bell]].
{{quotebox|If it had not been for Mr. "Manajerk", Megan Schroeder, and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys, My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By! The Manajerk has drained us financially, thinking we are freaking rich. And Megan has robbed me emotionally, started all of the Hate Against Me on the freaking Internet, Never financially paid me back for ALL of the material favors I bought for her off of eBay, and I WANT MY UNCUT "[[Sailor Moon|SAILOR MOON]]' DVDS FROM SEASONS "R" TO "SAILOR STAR" THAT GERMAN WARFARE BITCH CONNED FROM ME RETURNED TO ME!!!}}
[[File:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|thumb|THE GERMAN WARFARE BITCH]]
{{quotebox|And that bitch, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with a Cold Heart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for interfering with my [[Sweetheart Search]], AND Banning me from PVCC!!!}}
{{quotebox|WTH... The same Manajerk of Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys gave me the finger at Sheetz in Ruckersville, and threatened me with "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you" in my face at McDonalds in Ruckersville; both in the same Morning a few weeks ago. I did not respond to either at the times. He violate his own "restraining order".}}
{{quotebox|Rob Bell has been a Major Wuss during the time he had Represented me and my mother in Court, and we had paid the thousands of dollars for his fees, which we would not have had to if it had not been for that God Damned Manajerk!!!}}

Chris later deleted the entire post.

===CWC's Hallmark Negative Life Events===
{{Incomplete}}

{{quotebox|Tuesday, 3 September 2013
I have just vented past frustrations from my life to figure out the root of what happened yesterday. It all definitely was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], [[Megan Schroeder]] AND [[Michael Snyder]] who made me worse off than I was after Graduation.

<nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>}}

{{quotebox|September 3, 2013
- Roche [Roach] woman, resided in Yellow House on Westwood Drive in Green Lea Subdivision in Ruckersville, VA, locked me in a room all alone with nothing but toys; initiated my speak stopping at 1.5 years old.
- [[Nathaniel Green Elementary School]]: I was pinned to the floor by four to five teachers/counselors; my screams were tape recorded; got a red mark on my neck for that.
- Principal tried to sit me on his lap in attempt to molest; I jumped off and hid under a desk.
- All of the court actions that arose, prior to moving to Chesterfield Co.
- [[Providence Middle School]]: verbal bullying from a handful of students.
- Dragged to Principal's office by the ankles for something I did.
- [[Manchester High School]]: Mrs, Laurie Jones emptied my locker; I felt violated and squirmed on the floor.}}

===The [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] Review===
On 4 [[September 2013]], Chris rated 1 star for his elementary school and posted this, proving that he still has a grudge for his elementary school:
{{quotebox|Wednesday, 4 September 2013
The teachers, counselors, and Principal here back in the early 90s physically abused and attempted molestation upon me, mentally and emotionally scarring me for life, because they did not understand or care for [[Autism|Autistic People (High-Functioning or Otherwise)]]}}

===Six Rules Regarding Autistic Interactions===
On 6 [[September 2013]], Chris shared a [http://www.jamesmw.com/sixrules.htm link] from [[Anna]] about helpful advice about interactions for autistic people. Needless to say, Chris dug his hole even further:
{{quotebox|Friday, 6 September 2013

I will read this more thoroughly, but I have read the bolded rules and the intro paragraph. I disagree on two of the rules: I personally really Hate being interrupted during a thought I am expressing. And in addition to looking for equal and better mental and emotional properties in my (female) [[Sweetheart]] than myself, her Looks and Beauty I feel are a must to be easy on the eyes. Especially in the face; pretty faces are great. Moderate to good body and minimum "B"-cup breasts are essential. If I did not have the fear of the Theoretical or Fake/Anonymous People online, I would have as many female friends as Richie Grecki has in his Likes Section. Hot Damn!

I am not a prejudiced individual, and I do look for the inner beauty of women. Anyway, the Autistic Interactions Rules do reflect and agree to what I was trying to say in my [[Autism Tutorial|6-Part plus Extra Autism Tutorial LittleBiGPlanet Animation (PSN: Sonichu)]].

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1mbTyKiqF8</nowiki>}}

''Note: Richie Grecki is one of Chris's former high school classmates.''

===Chris Expresses His Outrage for [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]]===
[[File:Sonichu Death March by inappropriatenudging.png|thumb|''She has crossed his line, and now I am out for revengence.'']]
On 6 [[September 2013]], Chris was banned from Walmart, claiming [[Kick the Autistic|he was discriminated against]] because of (yep, you guessed it!) [[autism|his autism]]. The truth, however, is that Chris was caught vandalizing a display for the soon to be released [[HEXBox|Xbox One]]. This has landed him into very serious trouble, because Walmart is the only place he can get his [[Barbara Chandler|mother's]] prescriptions filled.
{{quotebox|Friday, 6 September 2013
I have just been intercepted by the "Lady" [[Manajerks|Manajerk]], '''[REDACTED]'''; the bitch has followed the steps of Mr. Snyder now; banned me from the Wal-Mart closest to my own house. She obviously does not understand how [[Love Quest|critical and imperative it is for me to go there.]] I Shop for my Mother from there; it is Closer than the one in Charlottesville; GAS IS EXPENSIVE!!! She has crossed his line, and now I am out for [[Metal Gear Solid|revengence]]. Everyone should contact her at her email address of '''[REDACTED]''', and remind her that no one is to mess with an [[Christian Weston Chandler|Autistic Person]] when they are in a [[stress|depressed, sad, angry or foul mood]], especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst [[ED|mud]], [[CWCki|muck]] and [[semen|bodily fluids]] that said Autistic Person has.

She has proven herself to be a [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|cold-hearted]], [[Chris and remorse|uncaring]], uncompassionate, [[Naïve|lack-of-understanding]], [[Homos|bigoted]], [[Chris and race|discriminating]], [[Chris and his Ego|selfish]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walshing]], Witch Bitch!

If anyone is in the store and sees this woman, TELL IT TO HER FACE THAT SHE IS DISCRIMINATIVE TO AUTISTIC PEOPLE; THAT SHE IS A [[Chris and Hypocrisy|FAT BITCH]]; AND THAT HER LIFE WILL BE A MASSIVE [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|CURSED]] LIFE LIKE [[Michael Snyder|SNYDER'S]] IF SHE AND HER WHITE-COATED ASSISTANT DOES NOT UNBAN CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER IMMEDIATELY!!! AND MY MOTHER WILL HAVE A LOUD, AGGRESSIVE WORD WITH HER AS WELL IF THEY MEET.

[[Death threats|'''[REDACTED]''' is FIRED FROM LIFE!!!]]}}
A public user then replied:
{{quoteboxred|What in the name of God are you trying to pull posting stuff like this???? Do a Google search and simply find another Wal-Mart.}}
Chris Rhodes, one of Chris's high school friends then posted:
{{quoteboxred|I think the biggest question is what did you do to get kicked out...and don't say you did nothing wrong cause that would be a lie.}}
{{quotebox|The "Man" and "Woman" want to bear down on the weak people they do not want to understand or care about; Autistic People are on the top!}}
Again, Anna tries to give him some advice:
{{quoteboxgreen|Christian, people don't just automatically know you're autistic. And they can't know automatically that you've had a rough day. In the world of neurotypicals, if someone acts aggressive (yelling or arguing) in a public place, they are considered a danger to those around them because they're unpredictable. Those of us who know you know that you're not dangerous, but people who don't know you are acting solely on the information they have about you, which to them is whatever impression you made upon them with your first interactions.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|I think it would be constructive to bring your mother with you and sit down and speak rationally with her instead of blaming everything on her. Apologize for anything you did that she thinks was wrong, even if you don't think it was wrong. You'll really just be apologizing for making her upset, because I'm sure you didn't mean to. Then explain how important it is that you be allowed to continue shopping there, and promise that there will be no future incidents. I think that's probably the best course of action.}}
Chris Rhodes then posted:
{{quoteboxred|You have to wake up son! And grasp the fact that everyone is not out to get you. 99.9 percent of the world doesn't know you have issues. They see someone acting odd and they try to take care of the situation.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|To be fair, Chris (Rhodes), the majority of Christian's experience with the world has certainly made it seem like the world's out to get him. The daily bombardment he has received from people who hate him (but don't know him) for no good reason (since 2007!) has certainly been effective in creating the appearance of everyone hating him.}}
{{quotebox|To '''[REDACTED]''': I added an "H" and an "E" to an XBox One Standee in Permanent Ink while under anger from past issues.}}
{{quotebox|I can't bring my mother in; she has had enough problems gone on; I am not telling her, because she is in a recovering mood after the court date yesterday.}}
Posts are then exchanged between Chris Rhodes and Chris:
{{quoteboxred|So you vandalized a display sign...your lucky that's all that happened.}}
{{quotebox|I got BANNED AGAIN! Do you NOT get it?}}
{{quoteboxred|I get it. You committed an arrestable offense but they gave you a break and banned you.}}
{{quotebox|that is NOT a break, being Banned; THAT is a Crime.}}
{{quoteboxred|Any property owner/manager/rep has the RIGHT to tell you to leave, tell you not to come back, or so on. And if you do not obey their wishes you can and will be arrested for trespassing. I know what I am talking about christian.}}
{{quotebox|They do not.}}
{{quotebox|And if they do, they are most in the wrong, because they are most abusive and overzealous of their "authoritative power" that never has existed ever.}}
After that, William Elliott Waterman tries to give him some advice, but like Anna's and the previous post, his advice is brushed off.
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris, that's not public property. You can't just go writing whatever you want on it. How would you feel if you were trying to sell PS3s and somebody wrote "POO" in front of the PS on your sign?}}
{{quotebox|[[naïve|Frustration is blind]].}}
Chris later deleted the entire post again.

===God Trolls Chris Yet Again===
[[File:GJ-Radar.jpg|thumb|[[Asperchu|''I am the true Christian, not you.'']]]]
On 7 [[September 2013]], Chris expresses his blasphemous outrage at [[Chris_and_religion|God]] after he was caught scratching a woman's car by a [[jerkop]]. He also wishes that God would kill him very soon. It would also seem that Chris has slowly began to descend into a newfound life of crime ever since [[28_October_2011|the incident in October of 2011]].

Characteristic of Chris, he continues to pass the buck for his own blame, this time blaming both God and the woman he hit for being a "damn Smoker!".
{{quotebox|Saturday, 7 September 2013
[[Chris and reality|God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again]]! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn [[Tobacky|Smoker]]! Now the damn [[Jerkop]] is giving me a hard time, because I am [[Chris and anger|screaming]] up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to [[Kick the Autistic|keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life]]!!!}}

===Brassieres For Males===
Chris shared a link to the Facebook page "Brassieres For Males", a page dedicated to support [[JERKS|males]] to wear sports bras.
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 10 September 2013
I encourage Everyone to show their support by wearing a Sports Bra, and encouraging the uncovered men to wear them as well.

https://www.facebook.com/BrassieresForMales}}
[[Kim Wilson]] posted:
{{quoteboxred|Wow, you've got four likes already!}}

===PLEASE, Do Not Unfriend and Leave Me!!!===
{{Incomplete}}

{{quotebox|Tuesday, 10 September 2013
We are all still a Family (symbolically, especially every Classmate of my Graduating Class to me). and when I see my Friend count Decrease, even by ONE, it seriously hurts me deep. Everyone who will remember me as the one who Cried and Shook Nobody's Hand on Stage at our Graduation. I was Really Upset. because I was being forced to leave my friends Every Friend I Lose it is Manchester High Graduation all over again for me. SERIOUSLY!

I still deeply care a lot about everyone who cares about me as well, as well all of my friends and family. Our Millennium MHS Class. I consider everyone, regardless of current status. situation or whatever, and especially regardless of lack of acquaintanceship on my part. all My Family that I am looking to bring together in Good Friendship and for our Family Photo that is our Reunion.}}

{{quotebox|Even worse, it is difficult to tell who left. It does not even come up in my Activity Log.}}

{{quotebox|Hey Christian -- it does hurt to lose Facebook friends and see that number go down. And it must hurt to re-live that memory over and over. But remember, we can't control other people's actions, we can only control ourselves. People will come and go. but the ones who matter most will stay. If that number goes down and you don't know who it was. then that person wasn't very close to you. No big loss! Please try your very best not to create associations between Facebook friends from high school and the hurtful memory from graduation. I know that is hard. but I think you will be happier in the end :)}}

===Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close===
On 11 [[September 2013]], Chris shared a Facebook link to the movie "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close".

{{quotebox|Wednesday, 11 September 2013
It is a touching and good movie to watch today.

<nowiki>https://www.facebook.com/extremelyloudandincrediblyclose</nowiki>
}}

===Baffled===
{{Incomplete}}

{{quotebox|September 12, 2013
I am baffled! I get an email from one of my Closest Gal-Pals, Sarah Anne Bevel Ingram; she tells me, "I don't really know you". Is She Serious?! She, Tiffany Gowen and I shared a Home Ec class our Seinor Year; we ate lunch together on those same days. She made me feel better one day when I was feeling a difficult time. She came to my 18th Birthday Party. HOW could she NOT know me; we were Friends. - g feeling upset.}}

{{quotebox|One of my Closest Friends.}}

{{quotebox|I wonder if she meant that so much time has passed, she feels like she doesn't know you anymore. Perhaps her memory is not as clear as yours!}}

{{quotebox|Have you talked to her since graduation? Before now, I mean.}}

===Fans are Weird, Part 1===
On 17 [[September 2013]], Chris received a [[Sonic]] Underground DVD, either from a fan or a [[troll]], and rants about how people should send their gifts to him. He also links an [[Excel Saga]] video:

{{quotebox|Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Time Code: 18:00 - The Most Proper method to deliver a Gift to someone: In Person. Or otherwise, in their Newspaper Box is the Best Indirect Method. In Any Case, I agree with [[Excel Saga|Excel]], "Fans Are Weird." And to add, Crazy, Mental, Lack of Life, etc, etc, etc.

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1thIup5cqVU&feature=share</nowiki>}}

===Fans are Weird, Part 2===
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Today, September 17, 2013, I found a DVD, which I assume was a present from a Troll or "Fan". It had been resting there for some time before I found it. I could tell that, because it had gotten wet from Rain. Let me make it clear: If you Really Want to make sure I get your Gift, even indirectly, Do Not Be So Careless. Not wildly on the Grass or Yardwide; Not on the Windshield of a vehicle. Put it in the Newspaper Box, or as some people have, have it shipped to my doorstep. Or even In Person would be well.}}

===="Found Gift/Present" Gallery====
<center>
<gallery>
File:FansareWeird01.jpg|
File:FansareWeird02.jpg|NOT wildly, carelessly thrown onto the yard
File:FansareWeird03.jpg|NOT on a vehicle
File:FansareWeird04.jpg|IN the Newspaper Box
File:FansareWeird05.jpg|It was a long time before I found; Look how wet it is
File:FansareWeird06.jpg|I could be under the amount of [[stress]] YOU DAMN [[trolls|TROLLS]] continue to put me under
File:FansareWeird07.jpg|You shock me by surprise
File:FansareWeird08.jpg|
File:FansareWeird09.jpg|Thanks
File:FansareWeird10.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

===Fans are Weird, Part 3===
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 17 September 2013
In any case, "FANS ARE WEIRD."

[[File:FansareWeird11.jpg|200px|center]]}}

===Toy Of The Year===
Chris reposted a picture of his Lego High School set and posted:
{{quotebox|Saturday, 21 September 2013
The Lego Friends High School set should be the next Toy of the Year!

[[File:ChrisLego02.jpg|200px|center]]}}

===Yep, the Bitch has not changed a thing...===
Chris uploads a new picture of [[Megan Schroeder]], along with a rant, and several of him holding a Lego figure.
{{quotebox|Tuesday, 24 September 2013
Yep, [[Chris and hypocrisy|the Bitch has not changed a thing in eight years. Still the same as ever.]] Meh; German-Crazy; Camo-Red specs on. (Just received in an email from the Ex-Friend-turned-Troll of mine). The [[Lego|minifig]] I put [[Chris and English|togeter]] and shake well with [[Mary Lee Walsh|the Witch]] and [[Michael Snyder|the Bastard]] perfectly matches her to an M and S. — }}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Megan Schroeder - 2013 September.jpeg
File:Lego - 24 September 2013.jpeg
File:Lego2 - 24 September 2013.jpeg
File:Lego3 - 24 September 2013.jpeg
</center>
</gallery>
</center>

''The phrase "to an M and S" presumably relates to the idiom "[[Wiktionary:to a T|to a T]]," alluding to the fact that her initials are M.S., like [[Michael Snyder]], and her name starts with an M like [[Mary Lee Walsh]].''

===Chris-Chan explains it all===

In which Chris tells all the true and honest facts about how Megan ruined Chris's life.

{{quotebox|Friday, 27 September 2013
Attention, Everyone.

There are grave misconceptions that I feel desperately require me to clear up, because what you may hear from other people are likely to be false, or have holes in their tales. Firstly, the ONE, and ONLY ONE, hand drawing I ever did of me and Megan Schroeder in what is of Internet Troll Knowledge on the internet as "Rule 34", of which they have written at rulesoftheinternet.com; involving porn.

I will not be posting the drawing, nor will I ever share it with anyone. The original intent of the drawing was purely and true a wishful thinking piece between me and Megan. And More Importantly, at the time when it was originally drawn, and still would apply, it was a message, informing those damn Trolls and Bullies, who had mislabeled me the opposite, that I was in Full Fact a Straight Male; Heterosexual. Nothing degrading or offensive was meant originally by the art piece, plus her eyes were censored; one could figure any brunette woman was the subject. Megan wants to complain about ONE drawing against me versus Her conspiring the PLace employees, Daniel Mimms, Lucas White and the rest of the entire world to make my life a living Hell. The Encyclopedia Dramatica page was born Late October, 2007; the art was created AFTER she began destroying my Soul, Emotions, Heart, Mentality, and My Good, Clean Life!!! I later tore up the original drawing into many little squares and put them into an envelope, which resides in my scrapbook binder full of shamed past relationship art works.

I have the factual story of everything has actually transpired years ago between me and Megan Schroeder.

August 14th or 21st, 2004 (I'm not sure which; it was shortly after the Yu-Gi-Oh movie was released in theaters); I had been a long time player and fan of Pokémon (both video game and TCG). I became a bit intrigued in the Yu-Gi-Oh TCG, so I took it up as well. The very first tournament I went to at the Game and Hobby PLace; I saw her face, and I fell in love. Over Two Years, during our times between Pokémon League, Yu-Gi-Oh Tournaments, and UFS TCG (Soul Calibur, Street Fighter, etc) events at the PLace, all I had been was Nothing but Good, Nice, and Loyal to her. I only touched her shoulder, hand and long hair; last time I checked, THOSE are non-offensive touches. I had not kissed her; she kissed my hand one time. I spent Hundreds of Dollars on her between gifts, and all of the things I bought on eBay for her; mostly Sailor Moon trading cards, all at her request. She even asked me to buy her a Zune, which I spent over 200 on at Best Buy. And how does she reimburse me for the favors and the Zune? NO Cash; Only "her merchandise" of collectible Anime Manga, a few DVDs, figurines, plushes, and a mix bag of Lego pieces. What did I care then? I was head over heels for that bitch. I bought the Uncut Complete Sailor Moon series on DVDs For MYSELF, then I burned the episodes onto DVD-Rs for her; MY Treat. Admittingly, I had one mishap on One episode in the SailorStars Season; I informed her about that. She declined my gift; she wanted the Original DVDs. H.o.H., I gave her my DVDs. This was still long before October, 2007. We also shared our own hand-drawn art pieces with each other; I drew her in Her favorite Red Dark Magician card, and comically me in my favorite card, Dark Magician Girl.

All of these Good Things, and Freaking Loyalty! And how does she thank me in the end? Getting Mimms and Lucas to take my photograph without my consent, and her ditching me for another dude and PUBLICALLY Making Out with him to Shock me into mental paralysis that same Friday Pokèmon League Night! Then the following Friday, I get my Wii; I randomly decide to Google my name; BAM! The very first hate-filled web page against me. My mother and father had seen her talking with the PLace employees, hearing some parts of her conspirations against me. I had not fully comprehended her Queen Bee of the Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies activities until years later. Her conspiring with said employees also led to my being banned from the PLace.

And NOW, she, with Mimms' help, wants to play the ONE drawing versus Total Life Devastation, Destruction, Creating the Worst Online Reputation (Against Me) Ever In This Earth's History! I ask you, who is the real monster here?}}

==Posts by his friends==
===14,386,443 out of a possible 10===
On 3 [[September 2013]], Chris whines to one of his friends about his [[stress]].

{{quoteboxred|Stress level: 14,386,443 out of a possible 10. :(}}
{{quotebox|I hear that. I have a lot of stress in my life. If not the constant haunting of the [[Trolls]]/Cyber-Bullies, all of the individual mistakes I had made in the past greater than a decade (definitely within the recent six years), bad people being awful to me..., then the in person loneliness, the great shyness in Public, my freaking, accursed [[Autism]]...; they stress my [[Obesity|blood pressure]] up, make me feel furious and angry, then I feel weak and faint.

<nowiki>*ugh.*</nowiki>}}

===8 VERY good friends===
On 17 [[September 2013]], one of Chris's new high school friends, Richie Grecki posted:

{{quoteboxred|Sittin in a circle like that '70s show with 8 VERY good friends}}
Chris posted this the next day:
{{quotebox|I wish I could do that now with all of my gal pals: [[Tiffany Gowen]], [[Kellie Andes]], Sarah Bevel, Molly Marie Quarles, Maranda Mitchell..., and to fill in the remaining three slots with my more current friends (still from High School): Sarah Susan Hearn, Ashley Abernathy Aviles, and Rebekah Bentley. If I could invite every other woman to the group, I would, plus Chris Rhodes, Matt Stufano, Brian Smart and Damien Coy.}}

===Offline Schoolhouse Education===
On 20 [[September 2013]], Richie Grecki posted:

{{quoteboxred|no matter what kind of mood i'm in, the commercials for EDUCATIONCONNECTION.COM will always make me laugh.}}
{{quotebox|"Get Connected! For Free!" Give me Offline, Schoolhouse Education for Socialization Practices Any Day.}}

==Posts by Chris on others==

===Expand the blood vessels===
On 18 [[September 2013]], Chris posts on a certain Jamie and Adam post:

{{quoteboxred|Thanks for all the sympathy. Had some of the risotto at Jardiniere last night and felt so much better. Just glad I didn't spew on camera. -- Adam

(For those who missed the story, it's here: http://bit.ly/17GT7Y2)}}
{{quotebox|Wow! I hear you, Adam. I too have felt stomach-ache, dizzy and clammy; the hours you have suffered it and toughed it out like you did, THAT was a major feat in itself. Did you try taking an asprin during that experience? Usually, for me and my mother at least, that kind of stress is brought on by constricting blood vessels. Asprin, among other OTC drugs and Rx, at least my mother says, is one that helps expand the blood vessels.}}

===Homosexual males RUIN everything===
On 21 [[September 2013]], Chris posts on another Jamie and Adam post:

{{quoteboxred|This made me laugh far more than I thought was possible. http://i.imgur.com/mimlRw5.jpg (from reddit) -- Adam}}
{{quotebox|Well, yes and no on humorous. The [[homos|homosexual male]]s RUIN Everything for the rest of us. "YMCA" and rainbows for starters, and I wish we could go back to when "gay" ONLY meant happy, as sung in the "Flintstones" theme song. Oi!}}

==Facebook Shares and Likes==
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Likes
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|-
|ahahahaha this is such a joke of an article. there is more to PUNK than not giving a fuck and doing drugs. apparently that makes miley punk. (Miley Cyrus Is Punk As Fuck <nowiki>|</nowiki> NOISEY)
|https://www.facebook.com/richie.grecki/posts/607932602606086
|20 September 2013
|-
|}

{{Facebook}}

[[Category:Facebook]]

Trolls

2013-11-01T18:34:25Z

TrammatPusher: /* Pre-ED */ honeysuckles aren't poisonous, doofus

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|they are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people.|[[Chris]] on trolls.<ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}
{{quote|What a world we live in, with such trolls in it.|[[Bubbles]], in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].}}[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Faceless Trolls.png|thumb|120px|The Furies]]
[[Image:Ff7troll.png|thumb|300px|Now for the [[Hex Box]].]]

'''Trolls''' (numbered about seven billion strong) are the various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the [[Internet]]'s most beloved and most hated [[autistic]] manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites to making him take [[Nudes|nude pics]] and more.

==Pre-ED==
It is notable that Chris was bullied IRL before his discovery by [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] and [[ED]]. It can be argued that the first known torment of Chris occurred when his life-long-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, [[Sarah Hammer]], [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|locked him under the house]] when they were children. The next notable bullying occurred during the infamous mini-date with [[Hanna]] in [[2005]] which smashed his [[heart level]] to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through [[MySpace]] named [[MySpace messages#Lindsay|Lindsay Kaye]]. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as [[2003]], when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of [[PVCC]] (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] hijinks.

But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....

== The Few, the Proud, the Elite ==

===Asperpedia Four===
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of ''[[Asperchu]]''), [[Evan]] (the creator of ''Simonchu'', and therefore [[Simonla]]), Sean August Watley (the creator of ''Moon-Pals''), and Mao (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|left|80px|thumb|BILLY MAYS]]

=== [[BILLY MAYS]] ===
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of [[CWCville]] by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]]. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely [[Chris and death|death]].

=== [[Blanca Weiss]] ===
[[Image:Blanka.jpg|80px|thumb|Blanca's true identity.]]

"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzlUoAOpiak videos] featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.

Not to be confused with [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|LordSillyNipples]], who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.

=== [[BlueSpike]] ===
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's [[sweetheart]] "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself|hour-long audio recording]] in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion up his ass.

[[Image:BryanBash.jpg|thumb|left|80px|Bryan Bash (right) with your sister (left).]]

=== Bryan Bash ===
Bryan Bash is a close friend of [[Clyde Cash]]. He is the one who [[Hooker incident|sent hookers over to Chris's house]], as well as the person who called during the infamous [[Bob Walks In|"Bob Walks In"]] audio file, and is responsible for leaking [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|an image]] of Chris having sex with the members of his ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' band (including a [[niggo]]). Additionally, he leaked the [[Father Call]] and the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 November, [[2009]], and he has also leaked conversations between [[Chris]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]].

=== [[Clyde Cash]] ===

[[image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|80px|right|Clyde Cash.The man.The legend.The guido.]]

The nefarious [[Clyde Cash]] is the most infamous and legendary of bullies. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of bullies. He posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], raped Chris's beloved [[PandaHalo]], and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. Unfortunately it will not come to pass since Clyde is serving a life sentence for stealing the identity of Lee Hotti.

=== [[Emily]] ===
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew in the Pickle Suit]].

[[File:Ahuvia.png|thumb|left|80px|Jack Thaddeus]]

=== [[Jack Thaddeus]] ===
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings and also for the [[CWCipedia]] ads.

[[File:Jimmuh hill.jpg|thumb|80px|Jimmy Hill]]

=== [[Jimmy Hill]] ===
Jimmy Hill (full name James William Thomas Hill, OBE) is the true original creator of Sonichu, the first openly gay cartoon character that became very popular in Europe back in 2009. He has since retired as a billionaire.

=== [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ===
The original creator of the [[ED]] page.

=== [[Man in the Pickle Suit|The Jew in the Pickle Suit]] ===
An IRL pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|left|80px|The [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris]]

=== [[Liquid Chris]] ===
A [[YouTube]] troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.

=== Lordsillynipples ===
A troll from [[ED]] who was responsible for impersonating [[Blanca]] and being the first to obtain the now [[Pickles|infamous Chris-chan Noodz]] on 11 September 2008, along with [[Chris's DVD]]. She is also responsible for creating the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of [[Clyde]].

=== [[Robert Simmons V]] ===
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with [[Church audio|visiting Chris's church]] and meeting [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], he also had a hand in organizing the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily date]].

=== [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] ===
Shigeru Miyamoto (Japanese: 宮本茂) is the creator of some of Nintendo's most legendary video game franchises such as Mario, Zelda, and Star Fox. In 2009, he took time out of his busy schedule to troll Chris by pretending to be interested in his [[sonichu|yellow Sonic abortion]].

=== [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] ===

While there's no definitive proof of these two being trolls, they have been known to dispense advice for Chris from time to time, especially on the subject of relationships.<ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> Considering the [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|results derived from said advice]], one cannot help but wonder about their [[Laughs Under Lucricities|true motivations]].

[[image:Tito 300.gif|thumb|80px|Surfshack Tito]]

=== [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] ===

An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on [[Surfshack Tito|two]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|separate]] occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with [[The Wallflower]]. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris's beloved [[PS3]].

[[image:TH.PNG|thumb|80px|left|Thorg]]

=== [[Thorg]] ===
A troll responsible for creating a [[20 December 2009|slanderous billboard]] in 2009 and exposing [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] in 2011. A major part of Chris's 2011 [[Calling Out|blackmail campaign]].

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|80px|Vivian]]

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
The creator of the ''Sonichu'' [[audiobooks]] and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|hopeless, thick-skulled moron]].
{{clear}}

==Devil Trolls==
[[Image:DevilTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg|thumb|Featured in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]

Aside from the several notable figures above, the '''Devil Trolls''' are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and make their first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such [[stress]] over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.

The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "[[IBAChandler]]" after Sonichu defeats him in ''Sonichu'' #9. They make their full appearance in ''Sonichu'' #10, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble [[Wikipedia:Troll doll|those old Troll toys]], minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
{{clear}}

== Motivations ==
[[File:Trollll.PNG|thumb|Drawing of a troll appearing in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].]]

===Chris's perspective===
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a [[Mailbag]] correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:

{{quote|"Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of [[Sonichu]] first, or that I am more [[Chris and art|Artistically Talented]] than they are."|[[Chris]], [[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]}}

This is consistent with the advice given many children who are IRL trolled in school: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris [[Count Graduon|never moved past]] [[Manchester High School|high school]] mentally, he still believes he is hated because [[Ego|he is so much better than everyone else.]]

From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then [[Jack|a troll]] saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. [[Silvana]], a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be [[Meg Griffin]], kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.

Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag&oldid=3208|a message he wrote] in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added [[Twitter]] and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|CWCipedia article on The Wallflower]], Chris has also decided that the trolls are also [[niggos|black]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a ''crime'', and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that ''all'' trolling is equal to what he had done to him. A [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|recent video]] actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet [[Chris and hypocrisy|mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number]].

As the years passed, Chris's take on trolls has erupted into a massive flight of fancy. Because he has been refused admittance to [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris has now proclaimed that the entire store is a massive front for Internet trolling, with [[Michael Snyder]] as the ringleader of it all. As well, he seems to have chosen the [[CWCki Forums]] as a major gathering place for trolls.

===His parents' perspective===
The [[Matthew Noble call]] in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), and ''[[Megan Schroeder]]'', who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob was convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.

It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there ''is'' a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in myriad ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by prank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having [[Kacey and Liquid Call|angry screaming matches]] with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet [[Julie|a woman who didn't exist]], and so on.

Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.

==Chris the Troll==

While the idea of everyone's favorite manchild becoming the one thing he hates seems kind of farfetched if not laughably ironic, it actually isn't too far off as one might think. Because of his horrendous misconceptions of what he thinks his trolls does, Chris believes that, if given a new target, Chris's trolls would gladly stop attacking him and go after that new target. In the past, Chris has tried to deflect his trolls towards people like [[Joshua Martinez]], [[Michael Snyder]] and even [[Mimms]]. However, Chris has been so entrenched with his trolls and viewers that the idea of going after someone else doesn't seem feasible anymore.

As well, Chris has even attempted to troll his own trolls. One of the first known attempts was the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, claiming that he had pulled the most epic prank on the Internet, only to turn around the very next day and reveal that it was a lie. [[Sonichu 10]], as mentioned above, had his comic book self thinking he had kissed [[Meg Griffin]], not knowing that it was actually [[Silvana]]. As well, on 28 [[April 2012]], he attempted to convince his trolls that he had decided to return to the mall and resume his [[Love Quest]], armed with his [[Attraction Sign]]. Again, he revealed the next day that it was a lie and that he had gotten [[ban]]ned from the mall just before he decided to pull it.

Interestingly, Chris's perception of being a troll is less about trolling to get a rise out of someone and more of attempting to pull a prank. His "return" to the Love Quest is probably the biggest indicator of that. Chris let his trolls know through his [[Facebook]], then waited a day before shouting "SURPRISE!" As well, he also believed that if someone reads his message, he's going to assume that everyone has and that they are going to descend on the mall like a bad flash mob just to find Chris. Too bad most everyone, unlike Chris, has lives of their own.

However, if there is one person that Chris himself has successfully trolled, without a shadow of a doubt, it's ''himself''. Proof of this can be directly pointed to his [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|bad habit of surrendering information]] about himself, no matter how [[Tomgirl|embarassing]], [[Nudes|demeaning]], or [[Dox|downright stupid]] giving out said tidbits of himself would be. Chris often screams at his trolls for not leaving him alone, but, aside from the fact that his antics only add more fuel to the fire, he always fails to realise that if he didn't give them ammo to begin with, he wouldn't have ended up in this predicament. A shining example of this would be the [[Facebook#Imgur|Imgur leak]]. Chris could have ranted about the trolls, and most would have shrugged and assumed that [[Anger|he's just being angry in typical Chris-Chan fashion.]] That is, until Chris revealed the reason ''why'' he got upset, inadvertently revealing the Facebook posts he was keeping a secret, as well as some [[Death Threats|very unsavory information]] that could get him arrested if taken seriously.

It just goes to show you, nobody trolls Chris better than Chris. Chris is the type to not only shoot himself in the foot, but reload, fire again, and repeat the cycle while blaming the trolls. He just never learns.

==See also==
* [[4-cent garbage.com]]
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
* [[PVCC (Message Board)|PVCC]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin']]
* [[White knight]]
* [[A-Logging]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Autism

2013-10-31T17:02:59Z

TrammatPusher: /* High-functioning vs. low-functioning */ looks like someone doesn't know what "functioning" means in the context of mental health

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Auti.PNG|thumb|Odd that he respects [[Chris and copyright|trademarks]] when he feels like it...]]
{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}
{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}
{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATScI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]
::''For the song, see [[A-U-T-I-S-M]].''
'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no known cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his Ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, you know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, it's clear that Chris is far from normally-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also described them with extremely cruel and derisive terms, calling them "WINDOWS TO HELL" and compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-Nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.<ref>[[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_Chan_on_sticking_things_up_b.2A.2A.2Ahole.|Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref> Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] well into his thirties, has never had a real girlfriend or held a steady job, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semi-regular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Still, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]] amongst many others, yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID.|[[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]]}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "[[Chris and Religion|God]] put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrative Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [[wikipedia:Missing white woman syndrome|"Missing White Woman Syndrome"]], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular, albeit quite idiotic guy with a few "eccentricities", or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara Chandler|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. While autistic people can have problems with social cues such as sarcasm, thus being gullible at times, Chris is much more gullible than other autistics, let alone ones that are high-functioning. This is more due to his [[Naïve|inexperience]]. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his [[heterochromia|pinkeye]] and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref>.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; While he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Other compulsive and repetitive behavior common with autism is strict following of rules, and near OCD like organization. Chris however, lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy, unorganized house,]] makes comics with dialog bubbles in inappropriate places; and a very inconsistent plot, and disobeys the [[Chris and the law|law]] when it inconveniences him.

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not talking out of his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with inanimate objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects, though this symptom is seen much more in children with autism.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. In some instances, he calls this [[Random access humor|"humor"]].

*One of the biggest symptoms of autism Chris displays is his fear and resistance to change, well beyond the point that it could be even related to his autism. Chris is reluctant to get or even look for a job as he has only worked [[Chris's resume|four months in his entire life,]] has never come close to moving out, has a very hard time selling or giving up his toys or shirts, wouldn't stick to a diet and exercise program, [[attraction Sign|doesn't try new ways to attract women,]] and has a very hard time coping with his banishment from [[the GAMe PLACe]]--where he would usually spend his Fridays. This might be resistance to change of his old life style of just going to school and coming home and playing video games, him trying to remain a child, or fear of failure. More than likely though this more to the fact that Chris is lazy, fat, selfish, naive, incompetent, refuses to grow up, and refuses to accept responsibility.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal human beings and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he stated that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with little to no social contact shouldn't attempt social commentary.
That, and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref> Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived.

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009), he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered with Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's [sic] optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed [[wikipedia:MMR vaccine controversy|urban myth]] alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a more favorable (exactly what that means depends on whether Chris is looking for pity or adulation at the time) tier of the spectrum.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows into hell"<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, [[A-Logging|people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris]], and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on [[TV Tropes]] said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

2000

2013-10-31T16:51:48Z

TrammatPusher: /* January */ no it's not, retard.

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|In '''2000''', Chris celebrated his 18th birthday.]]
[[Image:043-CWCsFavHitsIn.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''2000'''.]]
[[Image:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|thumb|Chicks, uncomfortable in the [[Chandler]] household on '''24 February 2000'''.]]
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5_crop_2.jpg|thumb|'''April 2000''', the Chandlers are moving houses.]]
[[Image:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|thumb|On '''29 August 2000''', Chris launches the [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]].]]
[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|thumb|In late '''2000''', Chris created the first [[Sonichu Medallion]].]]

The year '''2000''' is the year that [[Christian Weston Chandler]] turned 18 years old. He graduated from high school and started attending [[PVCC]]. The year 2000 is iconic for the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|Sonichu fanbase]], as it was the year that he thought up [[Sonichu]] while making a mix CD. However, he didn't start making [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]] until [[2004]].

==Events of 2000==

* Sometime - Chris begins taking Paxil for depression.

===January===
* 1 January - New Year's. It is unknown what Chris did that day.
* 22 January - Mrs. Raghu, a friend from [[Richmond]], signs Chris's guestbook and says that [[Pokémon]] is sooooo cute.
* 22 January - Jaime, a "friend" of Chris's from his [[Spanish]] 2 class, signs his guestbook and says that his website is really cool, srsly.

===February===
* 14 February - Chris writes [[Valentines Day Hymn]], a poem, and creates a collage to go with it.
* 19 February - Chris and his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] prepare for his [[My big 18th party (story)|birthday party]].
* 24 February - Chris's 18th birthday. He has pepperoni pizza and [[CWC Cola|Pepsi]], along with watching ''Good Burger'', with his [[Gal-pal]]s at home.

===March===
* March - Chris launches [[CWC's PokéSite 2]].
* 4 March - Megan Mitchell, sister of Chris's gal-pal Miranda Mitchell, signs his guestbook and says that Chris is very good at drawing.
* 12 March - Chris writes [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]], probably for Spanish class. It shows how crappy Chris's attempts at doing his homework were.
* 16 March - Mrs. Dunlap, one of Chris's teachers, signs his guestbook and says how nice the website looked after using Miranda's logos.
* 17 March - When Chris is assigned to create his own [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover]], he finds out that copyrighted characters were prohibited from the project. Chris thinks up the character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a chimera of [[Pikachu]] and [[Sonic]], as a way to get around copyrights held by [[SEGA]] and [[Nintendo]].
* 20 March - Kelbie, Annchop and Kixfairy, very strange Pokemon, are created by Chris.

===April===
* 4 April - Chris updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2|El PokéSite de RWC 2]].
* 7 April - Chris designs the cover for his Christian's Favorite Hits! CD.
* 13 April - Chris creates the Metonic card.
* 19 April - Chris creates the Christian's Sonichu card.
* 24 April - Chris starts making his self-documentary [[A Week With Christian Chandler]].
* 24 April - Chris's friend Jarrett from the Pokemon League signs his guestbook.
* 29 April - Chris goes to the [[Pokémon]] league at [[Books-A-Million]]. A party is held in honor of the launch of the Team Rocket Pokémon series.
* 30 April - Chris writes that the Chandler family is moving back to [[Ruckersville]]. Christian helps move boxes.

===May===
* May - Chris takes his mom to senior prom.
* 1 May - At school, Chris prints the cover for his CD. He complains about having to ride home in a bus with some 'slow in the minds' in it. It's an odd day, so Chris has lunch alone.
* 2 May - Chris falls asleep during English class. Because it is an even day, Chris has lunch with his friends [[Tiffany Gowen]] and [[Sarah Hammer]].
* 3 May - At home, Chris plays videogames, sorts his Pokémon cards and browses the internet. He also visits the YMCA pool.
* 4 May - A school day; at Contemporary Living class Chris makes some pasta with Tiffany and Sarah, at Photography class Chris makes a mothers-day gift for Barbara.
* 5 May - Chris goes to school in shirt and tie, because it's the day of the Senior Group Photo. Because the shoot takes so long, he is picked up from school by [[Bob]].
* 9 May - Chris creates the Christian's Christian card.
* 10 May - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes around the fonts a bit, and adds a text that tells visitors to bookmark and promote his site, and to leave a message in his guestbook.
* 11 May - Chris creates the Dark Sonichu card.

===June===
* June - Chris stops working as a volunteer assistant Gym Leader at [[Books-A-Million]].
* June - Chris starts working as a volunteer Gym Leader at [[Toys "R" Us]].
* 1 June - Chris creates the Surfing Sonichu card.
* 2 June - Chris creates the Snowboarding Sonichu card.
* 9-11 June - Chris attends BrickFest 2000, an adult Lego fan convention.
* 15 June - Chris graduates from [[Manchester High School]] on [[honor roll]]. He throws a hissy-fit.
* 19 June - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2. He changes the fonts and removes some text.

===July===
* 14 July - Chris makes a CD for his "big bro" [[Cole]]. He makes like a DJ and does a radio show on [[KCWC]] about him.
* 17 July - On his site, Chris declares that his family is finally finished moving to [[Ruckersville]].
* 26 July - "Sonichu" signs Chris's guestbook, saying that Chris's site is terrific.
* 27 July - Christian sets to work on Christian's Favorite Hits 2! Critics claim it is much worse than the first one, which gained minimal praise.

===August===
* August - Chris starts as a Freshman at [[PVCC|Piedmont Virginia Community College]].
* 16 August - Chris's friend from Toys R Us, Jason, signs his guestbook, saying that he beat Chris with a Moltres stall deck and wishing him good luck at PVCC.
* 20 August - Chris makes a Yahoo! account. The username is CChandler9885.
* 28 August - Chris creates the Cwc's Sonichu Site logo.
* 29 August - According to Chris, this is the day his [[Sonichu.net|CWC Sonichu site]] was launched.
* 30 August - ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' Preview issue #00 comes out. Chris announces his site.
* 31 August - Chris's friend from PVCC, Nicole, signs his guestbook and says that he did a good job on the website, and she wishes him luck in anything he does.

===September===
* 4 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #01 comes out. [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] is first mentioned.
* 7 September - Chris creates Chicachu, the female Pikachu, and Maychu, the female Raichu.
* 19 September - Christian updates his Christian's Sonichu card, and creates the Christian's Chicachu card and the Christian's Maychu card. He also creates the Cwick City Gym card.
* 23 September - Chris makes the Christian's Weeler, Christian's Hotfinish and Christian's Strongtire cards. He also makes a TopDeck cover with Sonichu for his scrapbook.
* 24 September - Chris creates the Christian's Flashbulb, Christian's Coonbulb, Christian's Bugzapp, Christian's Kelbie, Christian's Annchop and Christian's Kixfairy cards.
* 28 September - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' Preview issue #02 comes out.

===November===
* 11 November - Chris signs the guestbook of a website called Lione Productions.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:134331167038.png</ref>
* 12 November - Chris creates a CD for his gal-pal [[Kellie Andes]] for her birthday.
* 15 November - Chris updates CWC's PokéSite 2 again. He changes the font and adds some text.
* 19 November - Unfazed by the failure that was Christian's Favorite Hits 2!, Christian makes Christian's Favorite Hits 3!

===Winter===
* Chris crafts the first [[Sonichu Medallion]] from [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|Crayola Model Magic Clay]].

===December===
* 21 December - [[Sonee]], Sonichu's offspring, has a card created for him.
* 22 December - Chris publishes his last news item on [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]. Also, according to the [[Wall of Originals]], this was the day that Chris conceived [[Rosechu]].
* 23 December - Chris creates another TopDeck magazine cover featuring his creations.

==References==
<references />

{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

Hard Love Quest

2013-10-28T02:35:36Z

TrammatPusher: /* Analysis */ lol no

'''"Hard Love Quest"''' is a poem by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. It was written on 18 January [[2004]] and published the next month in the second issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]''. In addition to being incredibly self-pitying to the point where it would make an emo kid vomit, the poem also has bad spelling and grammar, improper punctuation and capitalization, and no sense of rhythm or meter. A terrible poem in every conceivable regard.

Note: The poem's title is presumably supposed to mean "A Love Quest Which Is Difficult", not "A Quest For Some [[Homos|Hard Love]]".

==The Poem==
<center>'''[[Chris and rape|Hard Love]] [[Love Quest|Quest]]''' <ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews2.htm Sonichu's Poetry Corner (SND #2)]</ref> 
''By. Christian W. Chandler 
January 18, 2004'' 
</center>

<poem>Here you see, a sad and lonesome Christian C.
Without girlfriend love he feels an older age,
as he is still “Stuck as a [[virgin with rage]].”
He search low and high to the end,
the only delay is the fear of being already beaten by a BOYFRIEND.
Why do all the girls have to be already taken… a real shame,
boyfriends of all girls of possible matches for me are really LAME.
As I sit and [[sigh]],
[[The Creepy Stare|I watch the girls go by]].
Afraid of a lame intersecption,
I sit out in the open without hesitation.
Matching Girl descriptions are free,
I wish one girl would notice and approach me.
It would be [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]], [[South Park|per-say]], [''sic'']
if I could get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day.
But for now as you see,
I am a sad and lonesome “C.”</poem>

==Analysis==

Bad, but certainly not the worst of Chris's poetry.

One would expect that Chris would get progressively lazier as he wrote the poem, but Chris's drive for perfection amazes us as usual. He used a full-circle ending, repeating sad and lonesome...C from the first line. Whether this is a intentional literary technique or Chris being lazy as usual is debatable. Judging from the fact that Chris [[A Week With Christian Chandler|slept through English class]], he probably never learned any traditional poetic technique, hence this is likely just an example of Chris's amazing capacity for laziness. Chris also seems to have forgotten what the point of view is, switching from third person to first person halfway though the poem. Proofread much, Chris?

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 [[May 2010]]
| Maker = manwithoutabody
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The first poem read, along with [[Valentine's Day Hymn]] and [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]].
}}

==References==
<references />

==See also:==
*[[Love Quest]]

{{Writings}}
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Poetry]]

Rocky Shoemaker call

2013-09-29T15:49:15Z

TrammatPusher: standard operating procedure in hospitals, especially among elderly - it's to prevent malaria and whatnot. over-cautious hospital procedure isn't as scandalous as someone clearly thinks it is

On 8 [[December 2011]], a [[troll]] called [[Rocky Shoemaker]] and pretended to be a court-appointed psychiatrist named "'''Dr. Perron'''." In the process, "Perron" managed to get a variety of details about the Chandlers' living conditions from her. The troll's use of that name is a reference to a separate [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Chris_the_Hacker multi-year saga].

It is revealed that there is a severe bug infestation at [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's home]], which might explain why he was "[[Voicemail greeting#6 December 2011|sick]]." The call also reveals that when [[Bob]] was originally hospitalized he was also placed under quarantine for "bug bites". Doctor Perron advises Ms. Shoemaker to convince Barb and Chris to move out of the property whilst the trial goes on and that perhaps Ms. Shoemaker could find them a temporary home within the church outreach program whilst Doctor Perron arranges a fumigation of the property.

== Video ==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Rocky Shoemaker Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|DNMN1mmZAno}}
| Stardate = 8 December 2011
| Featuring = [[Rocky Shoemaker]]
| Saga = {{Game Place}} Game Place Saga
}} </center>

== Transcript ==
''(phone ringing) '' 
'''Shoemaker''': Hello? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Good afternoon, uh, is this, uh, Ms. Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': I... I beg your pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, is this, uh, Ms. or Mrs., uh, Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': Yes. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, thank you. Um, yes, uh, I, my name is, uh, Dr. Perron. I was appointed by the court to, uh, give an assessment of Chris' mental [[health]]. Have you been aware of all... any of this? 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, no, I don't have any authorization to talk to anybody about this. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, well, he suggested that we give you a call. You've been his pastoral counselor for some time. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, but I would have to see something in writing, uh, simply because I have been getting a lot of [[Prank calls|unauthorized phone calls]]. 
'''Doctor Perron''': From the court, or from this office? 
'''Shoemaker''': From, from, from...people claiming to be part of all this. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, um... sorry... did you say, did you say that... 
'''Shoemaker''': So... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...did you say that you have received a call from this number before? Because, I did ask my secretary to try and reach you if she could. But that may have been her. 
'''Shoemaker''': I, I, I don't, I, I, I...your number is listed as unknown, so I have no idea what your number is. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, well, I'm calling from Virginia. Um, oh...*[[sigh]]*...well, uh, I suppose if there are security purposes... 
'''Shoemaker''': If you could...if you could fax an authorization, I'd be very happy to talk with you. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Certainly, do you have a fax number? 
'''Shoemaker''': Or if you could, or if you could, or if you could go through, uh, the lawyer, Robert Bell, uh, he would certainly authorize it. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, I've already spoken to Mr. Bell, and he's, uh, he gave me a list of numbers, of people that Christian recommended that we should get in touch with to, uh, come through some kind of assessment process, and uh, you're on top of the list. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Have you spoken with... 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that, that would be, that would be fine...I, I would just either have to have something in writing or I'd have to hear something from Mr. Bell himself. And that's just to protect Christian, um, because I've had police reports filed over the past two years around all of this, because of misuse of my phone. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, uh, yes, I was...I was made aware of everything that had been happening. Uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah. 
'''Doctor Perron''': What if this was previous to the, uh, to [[28 October 2011|the current case]]? 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, yeah. I could understand that. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh... 
'''Doctor Perron''': This is what we were trying to do. We were attempting to get a kind of, uh, historical perspective on everything that had been going on. But, um, It's been very difficult, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Right. That makes perfect sense and I would be very happy to help with it. But, I, I do need to have some authorization. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, uh, I shall be meeting with Christian in uh, in, uh, Branchland Court uh, on the...hold on a second...either the tenth or the eleventh...hold on... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, yes, it would be the tenth. Uh, yeah, so we should be up there on the tenth. Uh, eleven o'clock in the morning? Uh, we just wanted to meet with Christian... 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...um, I suppose, if you wanted to, uh, to have some kind of introduction, face to face, I assume Mr. Bell will be there as well, I suppose if you want to come along to that. 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that, that would be fine. This is on the tenth, that is... 
'''Doctor Perron''': On Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': What day of the week is...pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': That would be on Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, day after tomorrow. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': At what time? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, is it, uh, ten or...hold on a second...yes, it was eleven o'clock. In the morning. 
'''Shoemaker''': Eleven o'clock? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. I... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I assume... 
'''Shoemaker''': I...I could do that at eleven. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right, I assume you know the way down there. *chuckle* 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, this is...would be in Mr. Bell's office? 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, this would be in, uh... Christian's home, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Where? 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...Christian's home, on uh, [[14 Branchland Court]]. He, uh, well I don't know, he, uh, requested that we, uh, liaise there and, uh, Mr. Bell seems to have gone along with it. It's, uh, a little unorthodox, but uh, we wouldn't mind seeing him inside his, uh...inside his home. To get a kind of sense of everything that had been going on...from him and [[Barb|his mother]] as well. 
'''Shoemaker''': Where...okay, uh...let me write down the, the address again. 
'''Doctor Perron''': It's, uh, 14 Branchland Court. It's, uh, Christian's home address. 
'''Shoemaker''': Oh! He is meeting you at his home? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Um...hm! 
'''Doctor Perron''': Like I said, it was a little unorthodox... 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that...it, it...it not only would be unorthodox but I think you'll have a very difficult time work...getting anything done in that home... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, how... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...simply because...um...w-uh, because, I, of things I know about the conditions of the home. Uh... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, this is... 
'''Shoemaker''': That is, is not... (''man in background mumbling "not okay"'') it's not going to be a good place to meet. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, they...this is again, why... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with even, uh, seeing the address itself, to get another kind of understanding of the perspective from, uh, Christian's angle. Um... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': At least, at least that was, the uh, the silver cloud of the lining that I was taking away from it. Um, like I said, it is rather unorthodox, but Christian requested it. And, uh, it may be, uh...prudent, I think... 
'''Shoemaker''': They...they, um, are having an infestation problem in that home. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, really? 
'''Shoemaker''': And, yeah. And, and, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|the health department]] has already visited there, and... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, my goodness. 
'''Shoemaker''': It...would probably not be a real wise place for you to go. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Are they still, are they still living there, or have they taken up alternate accommodation? Because, according to, uh, Mr. Bell and Christian, they were still living there... 
'''Shoemaker''': No. Yeah, they are still living there. 
'''Doctor Perron''': With an infestation, in Christian's condition? 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm! 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, that shouldn't...that shouldn't be at all. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, no. No it shouldn't, and, uh, the social services and the health department have, have been a part of that. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Have you, have you spoken with social services yourself? Because we uh, we've yet to speak with them. 
'''Shoemaker''': I, I have not...uh, I have spoken with health department people. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. I, I understood that you were sort of, um, uh, a personal assistant almost, and uh, as well as a counselor to Christian, you've accompanied him to several things before, so... 
'''Shoemaker''': Yes. Yes. Yes I have. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Mm. 
'''Shoemaker''': Absolutely, and I will be very happy to, to assist in, in whatever way I can. 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm, I... I'm not happy to hear about this infestation problem, uh, especially with Christian the way he is. Is there, is there any chance you could, uh, sort out some kind of alternate accommodation? Do you, have that kind of services at your disposal? 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... certainly you could meet at the church. 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, I meant... for actual accommodation for Christian. 
'''Shoemaker''': Oh, uh... that... that, that has to be, has to be handled through...uh...he's, he's not requesting anything alter-alternate. And any decisions like that have to come through social services, and that has been a long history as well. 
'''Doctor Perron''': That's-that's...that's why I was recommending...perhaps, if you had a sort of, um, a sort of church outreach program where you could offer temporary accommodation just until the trial's finished with, maybe Christian would be willing to go along with that. 'Cause, I, um... I understand that he doesn't want to move from his residence, but I also understand the infestation's a very bad thing at the moment. Especially with everything that's going on, so... we might want to recommend something that... 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, well, this has been, has been, has been a situation ongoing over... many months. And, um, uh, Christian, Christian seems to feel that he has stayed away from it. Uh, but that requires him to stay just in one room... 
'''Doctor Perron''': The infestation. 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... and, uh, heal-health services have, have talked with the family. Uh, so, it-it simply, uh, we have, we have always met with the family at the church or at the lawyer's, or with Christian somewhere wi-...in town. They have never wanted us to come to the house... 
'''Doctor Perron''': No, I can't understand... 
'''Shoemaker''': And... and, uh, I-I don't think Christian would be comfortable with me coming there. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, he-he did request, well I, I assume he requested that you would be there as well, but he did ask me to come down there to the residence. I don't really know what that's about now, or if Mr. Bell's going to be there or not. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah... uh, I, I would... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, personally... 
'''Shoemaker''': I would be happy to talk with him... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Personally, I have no problem going down there myself... 
'''Shoemaker''': ... and, and see if I can... pardon? 
'''Doctor Perron''': I said, personally I have no problem going down there myself, I'm sure, I've seen far worse places... whatever kind of, infestations are going on. Um, but I was kind of hoping that we could have counted on your support to come along. If only, to sort of... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...to sort of handle the introductions in a personal way, with someone that Christian already knows. 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm...yeah. Uh...let me, let me talk with Christian and see if the same thing could be done at the church. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right. I'll tell you what, I'll uh... I'll ask [[Allison Amber|my secretary]] to give you a call back, and we'll try and go from there. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay. 
'''Doctor Perron''': All right, should be about... in an hour or two. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I've got to, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Can I have your name again, please? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, this is Dr. Perron. P-E-double R-O-N. 
'''Shoemaker''': ....Doctor...Perron? 
'''Doctor Perron''': P-Perron. P-E-double R-O-N. 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh-huh. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay, and... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm all set to give you a call back, and hopefully we can figure out what's going on before, uh, before Saturday. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah, yeah, uh....let me, let me call Christian and, and see...I-I just...I would have, working on a...on a family systems and on a pastoral counseling psychological basis... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Right. 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I would not think that that would be a good place to do the interview. Uh, they're going to be defensive. They're going to be trying to... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Christian... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...protect you from... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...uh, the nurses that went out there found that a very difficult place to try to work with them. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, even so... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': It...it would make sense though, in order to just, to gain that kind of persepective and see things from Christian's angle a little more. I-I-I do understand what you're saying about trying to put it in a, uh, a neutral environment, but, uh...I'm not too sure now. I wasn't aware that it's as bad as you say it was. 
'''Shoemaker''': I have not been there, and I do not know... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh. 
'''Shoemaker''': But... um, except from what the nurses have said. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Uh, which nurses were these? 
'''Shoemaker''': Public health... nurses. 
'''Doctor Perron''': And how long ago was that? Was that... was that fairly recent? 
'''Shoemaker''': That, that was, uh... around the time of his father's death, his father's death. They were out there because of... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I have no idea... 
'''Shoemaker''': ...patient discharge procedures and such... 
'''Doctor Perron''': All that would have been about, um two or three months ago, I think. So yes, that is recent. 
'''Shoemaker''': And, and, he was... he was, while he was in the hospital, under [[Wikipedia:Quarantine|quarantine]] because of it. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Christian was? 
'''Shoemaker''': No, Christian's father. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, oh. So he, he's, he contracted something from the... from the infestation? 
'''Shoemaker''': He, he had...had, bug bites all over him. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, gee. Good God. Well that's...all right, uh, Miss, uh Mis-is it Miss or Mrs. Shoemaker? 
'''Shoemaker''': M-M-Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Shoemaker''': Miss Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Um, I, I... 
'''Shoemaker''': It's Reverend Shoemaker, actually. 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm sorry? 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I said actually, I-I... officially, it's Reverend Shoemaker. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Oh, Reverend-I didn't realize. Okay, um...all right, I think the best way to proceed, if you could, um, if you could speak with your church outreach group, if you could find some kind of temporary accommodation for Christian and his mother... uh, just until the, uh, the court case is over...we can, perhaps, see if we can get the state to fund a cleanup or something in the property. Because that's quite horrendous. And I think we can do something about it. We should... so, if you could find some kind of temporary accommodation for them, uh... 
'''Shoemaker''': Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...preferably within the church, because I can understand they wouldn't want to go with, uh, outside strangers... uh, I quite understand. 
'''Shoemaker''': I... really doubt that they would receive that offer at all. They have not, they have not received help from social services. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Well, you could understand why it would be in Christian's best interest if you could do that, because if he was to go to the court and if they were to present an assessment with, that he was living in such conditions along with his mother... then it would not fare well at all... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': ...and they would perhaps be completely evicted from the property. And that wouldn't be in their interests even in the least. 
'''Shoemaker''': Yeah. Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': I'm not, I'm not asking you to do this, but I-I think it would be a, uh, wise thing to do. 
'''Shoemaker''': I-I-I can see, I can see your point and I'll certainly talk with Mr. Bell, about... 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes. 
'''Shoemaker''': ...about whether he would rather see Christian in such a situation. Um... 
'''Doctor Perron''': It, it, i-i-it wouldn't be permanent, it would only have to be temporary, just until the trial is, uh, done with and we could perhaps fund a, cleanup, while they were in there, they wouldn't have to end up back for that... 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': So, perhaps we could do that. 
'''Shoemaker''': Mm-hmm. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Anyway, I do have to be going off, but if you could call this week with Christian, and I'll try to have somebody, uh, or possibly myself calling back in about, uh...two hours. Okay? 
'''Shoemaker''': About...how many hours? 
'''Doctor Perron''': About, uh, two hours. 
'''Shoemaker''': About two hours... from now? 
'''Doctor Perron''': Yes, uh, are you going to be there? *laugh* -to be up? 
'''Shoemaker''': Uh, yeah, yeah. I'll be up until eleven, so yes. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry 'bout that. Um... all right, I've got to be getting off, but thank you very much for speaking. 
'''Shoemaker''': Okay. 
'''Doctor Perron''': Okay, thank you. Goodbye. 
''(Skype hangup sound)'' 
'''Doctor Perron''': Goddamn. *[[sigh]]s* I was not expecting ANY of that. (''typing'') 

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc Download link]
*[http://db.tt/ZBuaCy32 Mirror of audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNMN1mmZAno YouTube upload]
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Things Chris has ripped off

2013-09-06T07:58:11Z

TrammatPusher: /* The Ren & Stimpy Show */ they didn't sing this song.

{{Quote|I take it one moment at a time and let the story pieces come to me. Even if they are sometimes borrowed from a tv show or movie.|Chris, [[Mailbag 4#Admission of plagiarism|blatantly admitting to plagiarism]].}}

[[Image:090-CWComicalHug.jpg|thumb|ORIGINAL!]]
[[Image:191-sealSchu.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST Seal of Originality]]

As every [[Chris-chan]] [[troll|fan]] is probably aware of, our autistic hero has quite the imagination. But some argue that due to [[stress]] and the mental block that is [[autism]], his powerful and mighty artistic ordeals cannot come to fruition. So he just does what every good TV/book/movie writer does: he goes and '''steals an enormous amount of shit''' from other places.

To his credit, plagiarizing isn't easy. After all, how do you grab something that comes from another person's mind, adapt it to your own storyline and make it so that it fits in, without having whatever it is that you stole stand out like an obese retard with a red and blue striped shirt in the middle of a crowd? Being the [[Honor roll|genius]] comic book creator that he is, he feels that he doesn't need to bother with details such as a good plot, readability, or even consistency. Just stick in a few [[random-access humor|random-access-humor]] jokes and you got yourselves a new installment in the "[[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' Comic Book Series]]." Not resembling ''[[Family Guy]]'' at all, right?

According to Chris, stealing [[copyright]]ed material is fine, as long as you indicate that whatever it is you’re doing is a "[[parody]]" of the original material. In accordance to U.S. copyright law, this is technically true, so this probably means that, unless he decides to make money out of his "artwork," he isn't going to have the law knocking on his door. Besides, we all know he's never going to sell any type of merchandise ever, or even [[Monthly tugboat|make a hard earned buck]] for that matter.

Onward with the list of shit he's stolen:

==Main influences==

===Sonic the Hedgehog===
More information: [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]

*His pride and glory "[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]," which, as we all know, is a recolor of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] with [[Pikachu]]'s tail and ears. In his comic book debut he is created when the "[[Perfect Chaos Monster]]" attacks Station Square, which, by the way, is a direct ripoff of the end of ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''.
*His other pride and glory “[[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]]” is just [[Amy Rose]] with a Raichu tail.
*Of course, Sonichu’s evil twin brother [[Blake]] (Black Sonichu, Blachu) also comes from the same line of original creativity Chris has got us accustomed to. This [[niggos|darkie]] version of Sonichu is a complete ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow the Hedgehog]].
*The "[[Chaotic Combo]]" is a mesh of ''Sonic'' characters recolored with retarded deformities, and their name is a copy of the [[Wikipedia:List of Sonic the Hedgehog video game characters#Chaotix|Chaotix]]: including [[Angelica]] being a white hedgehog that has wings, or [[Punchy Sonichu]] being an Oriental version of [[Wikipedia:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]].
*Sonic the Hedgehog, Amy Rose and [[Doctor Robotnik]] make an appearance in [[Sonichu_1|Sonichu Issue #1]].
*The [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] is a rip-off of the Master Emerald.
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] is a recolor of Sonic.
*[[Metal Sonichu]] is a recolor of Metal Sonic with Pikachu ears and a tail.
*The [[Sonichu Balls]] are essentially just stand-ins for the chaos emeralds.
*[[Ultra Sonichu]] is a rip-off of Super Sonic.
*The [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]] greatly resemble Chao.
*The inspiration for creating evil versions of characters with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|backwards]] [[Mary_Lee_Walsh|names]] came from the Archie comic character Doctor Ivo Kintobor (Robotnik spelled backwards). [http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Doctor_Ivo_Kintobor].

===Pokémon===

*Like the previously mentioned Sonichu and Rosechu characters ripping off Sonic the Hedgehog, they also rip off various [[Pokémon]], mostly Pikachu and Raichu, combined with other Pokémon.
*The character [[Jiggliami]] is a humanoid variation of a Jigglypuff.
*The so-called [[Sonichu Balls]] are designed like various Poké Balls, though they also function like other items.
*[[Sonees]] are also slightly edited Pichu, with a bit of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Chao]] mixed in.
*Moves. As if ripping off their looks weren't enough, Chris also rips off their attacks such as "Thunderbolt" or "Sky Uppercut".
*Many of the cards on Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|Wall of Originals]] are obviously based on character concepts or illustrations from the Pokémon games. (Christian's Maychu, to use one example, imitates the official illustration of the Pokémon Hitmonlee.)

''For more info, see the [[Pokémon#Plagiarism in Sonichu|main article]].''

==[[Anime]]==

===''[[Wikipedia:Digimon|Digimon]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*[[Silvana|Silvana's]] origin is very similar to [[Wikipedia:Gatomon|Gatomon]]'s, as both were long separated from their kind and raised by evil villains who made them into their minions. The only difference being that Silvana was given a [[Pickle|penis]].
*[[Ultra Sonichu]]'s Chaotic Remedy is a blatant copy of [[Wikipedia:Patamon#MagnaAngemon|MagnaAngemon's Magna Antidote]] attack.

===[[Wikipedia:Dragon Ball#Anime_series|Dragonball/Z/GT]]===
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu]]'s famed attack, the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] (later Shin-ye-ha-me-ha), is based on the famed Kamehameha attack.
*The [[Sonichu Balls]], though resembling Poké Balls, seem to function more like the titular Dragonballs, as they are able to grant a wish when all are brought together.
*Ultra Sonichu shares an amazing resemblance to Super Saiyan warriors by flying sky high and kicking ass and all.
*[[Collosal Chan]] is obviously a Super Saiyan 4 from ''Dragonball GT''.
*[[Mypoe]] ripped off [[Punchy]]'s tail because it was a "weak spot"; the same "weak spot" exists for Saiyans (unless said tail has been removed).

===''[[Excel Saga]]''===

*A veritable hellstorm of shameless rips from this series appears in the ''Sonichu'' comics, in a way nearly as pervasive as Pokémon and Sonic the Hedgehog, yet comparatively subtler because he steals one-liners and monologues more than characters or storylines.
*...although he does indeed steal characters (like Mypoe and Nabeshin and [[Bagget|the Jerkop Daitenzen]]) from time to time.
*It is also possible that Chris stole the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] from the parody "Nabehameha" from ''Excel Saga'' (which was essentially a Kamehameha attack, except shaped like an afro).

''For more info, see the [[Excel Saga#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Gurren Lagann|''Gurren Lagann'']]===

*The character of [[Simonla Rosechu]] is a ripoff of a "fanmade" Sonichu named [[Simonchu]] who, in turn, is ripped off from the main character of the series, Simon the Digger.
**It should be noted that Chris has probably never seen ''Gurren Lagann'', and as such misinterpreted several aspects of Simonchu's design that were intended to be referential to Simon: his cape became Simonla's shell, and his Core Drill pendant became a shark's tooth necklace.
**When Chris was forced to kill off Simonla in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], he promptly created [[Sandy Rosechu]], Simonla's daughter. She is essentially exactly the same design-wise, except she is yellow and has a different hairstyle.

===[[Wikipedia:InuYasha|''InuYasha'']]===
*In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], [[Saramah Rosechu]] pins [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] to a tree, Wes making the statement "Where did this non-sacred tree come from?" This is a "hilarious gag" referring to InuYasha's origin story, wherein he was pinned by an arrow to a cursed tree by priestess/crack shot/vengeful ex-girlfriend [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Kikyo|Kikyo]]. Also, with some imagination and enough [[alcohol]], one can see that a cloud in the background in one of the panels is shaped vaguely like InuYasha's head.
*Chris also has a [[Marvey Blaziken|Blaziken]] in his Pokémon team named "Inuyasha", which was only revealed on the [[CWCipedia]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> It's likely that this is the same Blaziken seen training with [[Sandy]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], though he is not identified by name in that comic.

===[[Wikipedia:Kekko Kamen|''Kekko Kamen'']]===
*The face-rape of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is based on the '''Pubic Hair Jump''', a move by which the title character of ''Kekko Kamen'' kills her enemies.

===[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|''Macross Frontier'']]===

*Chris's infamous drawing of [[Jiggliami]] was copied from a picture by [[Blanca]], who copied the pose from a popular picture of Ranka Lee, one of the major characters of the series.

===[[Wikipedia:Pretty Cure|''Pretty Cure'']]===

{{quote|"This is so "Pretty Cure"! I'M BACK!"|[[Chris-chan Sonichu]], [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]}}

*''Pretty Cure'', unlike [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], is a true [[parody]] that purposefully spoofs the ridiculous costumes, magical schoolgirls, and attack names of other anime series. The [[Chrs-Chan_Pure_Pulse-Jolt_Lance|Chrs-Chan [sic] Pure Pulse Jolt Lance]] (the attack that [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] are able to perform with their combined Hedgehog powers) is stolen from this series, and even though its original counterpart was given a ridiculous name, Chris felt the need to make it sound like some idiot had just mashed some random words into an attack name for his own version. ''Oh wait...''

*Also noteworthy is that Chris copied (and butchered) the pre-attack catch phases and attack poses. Most of these rip-offs occur in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] and [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]].

===''[[Sailor Moon]]''===
*[[Sailor Megtune]], Chris's hideously inappropriate SI Mary Sue for [[Megan]], is based off the various heroines from the series, though the name is based on [[Wikipedia:Sailor Neptune|Sailor Neptune]].
*The [[Dark Mirror Hole]] may be a reference to a number of related ''Sailor Moon'' places/items, including the Black Dream Hole of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie|''Sailor Moon SuperS: The Movie'']], and a mirror-like item from a few episodes of ''Sailor Moon Sailor Stars'' and the majority of ''Sailor Moon SuperS''.
''For more info, see the [[Sailor Moon#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]===

*In the aforementioned [[random-access humor]] [[ED]] edit, Chris quoted a joke from the US-dubbed version of SPC: "Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED".
*He created the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], which is a ripoff of both ''Samurai Pizza Cats'' and [[Transformers]]. They make several appearances in the comic to help [[Sonichu]] battle the [[Jerkops]].
*[[Punchy Sonichu]], provider of [[Random-access humor]], has referenced this series a few times.

===''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''===

*[[Sarah Hammer]]'s husband-to-be is depicted as [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jack's_Knight Jack's Knight], a ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' monster, because Chris had no idea what the groom looked like and didn't bother to check. Way to go!
*Chris tends to use various ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' terms during his battles ("Trap cards"? Seriously?) and is even depicted using a Duel Disk when dealing with [[Wes Iseli]].
''For more info, see the [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:YuYu Hakusho|''YuYu Hakusho'']]===

*In [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]], Chris mentions the use of a "Curse Shot", fired in the same way main character [[Wikipedia:List_of_YuYu_Hakusho_characters#Yusuke_Urameshi|Yusuke Urameshi]] would fire his main attack, the Reigun.

==Western animation==

===''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]]''===

*Chris ripped many concepts for his [[Love Quest]] and lines from that movie are used in the comics ("I will, thank you father" from the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] is a line uttered by Robert Rabbit).
''For more info, see the [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:American Dad!|''American Dad!'']]===
*Chris has referred to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] as "the Dork of Ages," a phrase taken from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]."

===''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''===

*The ''ATHF'' characters appear in one panel in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], along with Meatwad's old catchphrase, "The bun is in your mind."
*Chris (badly) painted one of his Guitar Hero guitars to look like Meatwad's toy guitar.
''For more info, see the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Beavis and Butt-head]]''===
*Beavis and Butt-head appear in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] in a gag directly stolen from the original cartoon series (although Chris [[Chris and copyright|said "Sorry"]] to Mike Judge).
''For more info, see the [[Beavis and Butt-head#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:Darkwing Duck|''Darkwing Duck'']]===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of this series' main character – Darkwing Duck.
*The font Chris uses to write "Darkbind" is traced from the show's logo.
*Upon arriving, Darkbind recites a completely bastardized version of Darkwing Duck's trademark entrance speeches. The main change is that the original speeches were filled with tongue-in-cheek irony, while Chris's version is completely serious and unnecessarily pompous.
*Chris calls Darkbind "D.B.", reminiscent of how Darkwing Duck's sidekick Launchpad McQuack calls him "D.W."
*[[Princess Zelina Rosechu]] may be a partial ripoff of Darkwing Duck's girlfriend Morgana McCawber (though this theory is debatable).

===''[[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd and Eddy|Ed, Edd and Eddy]]''===

*In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris added a huge wall of [[Random-access humor]], including a joke from the episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]: "Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?", originally said by Ed.
*In the video [[CWCFlyingElephants|"CWC's Flying Elephants"]], Chris bashes his head on his bed like a [[retard]], and quotes another line from Ed: "I'm a woodpecker! Except with dirt!". His bed not being made of dirt, it makes no sense.

===''[[Family Guy]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Chris meets [[Sammy]], who resembles Peter Griffin, who goes through a series of incidents involving a sequence from Filmation's [[Ghostbusters]].
*In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris directly lifts a gag in which a news anchor delivers a serious professional story, then immediately jumps to excited coverage of Spring Break.
*The title of his bizarre rap video, "[[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|iPods Down and Listen Up]]," was lifted from the "[[Wikipedia:Prick Up Your Ears (Family Guy)|Prick Up Your Ears]]" episode, in which the reverend teaching the high school about abstinence starts his performance by telling the kids, "Put your Walkmans down and listen up."
*At the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Marvey Blaziken tells the reader that "inspiration does not have a schedule." On Family Guy, this exact phrase was spoken by New Brian during the episode "[[Wikipedia:The Man with Two Brians|The Man with Two Brians]]" before he proceeds to sing about [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|farting]]. Naturally, the phrase referred to New Brian fitting in writing a song (about farting) into his already-busy schedule of helping out the family.
*In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], one of the baby Rosechus is playing the Virgin Mary in a school play, she says "I'm the Virgin Mary, that's my story and I'm sticking to it." This is said by Joe's wife, Bonnie in "[[Wikipedia:A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas|A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas]]", where she is doing the exact same thing. Of course, the line isn't as disturbing when she says it, considering she's an adult woman, whereas the hellspawn in question is ''three years old''.
''For more info, see the [[Family Guy#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[The Simpsons]]''===

*The parts of [[Sandy Rosechu]]'s design that were not already cannibalized from [[Simonla]] were copied from [[Wikipedia:Lisa Simpson|Lisa Simpson]].

===[[Wikipedia:Futurama|''Futurama'']]===

*The time-travel plot of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] ("Time Hogs") was stolen from the direct-to-DVD movie ''[[Wikipedia:Futurama: Bender's Big Score|Futurama: Bender's Big Score]]'', and this is shamelessly lampshaded by the recolors in the beginning of the episode.

===''[[Ghostbusters]]''===

*Chris's ''Family Guy''-style "skitch" rips off the FALSE and DISHONEST ''Ghostbusters'' created by [[Wikipedia:Filmation|Filmation]].
''For more info, see the [[Ghostbusters#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Wikipedia:He-Man and the Masters of the Universe|''He-Man and the Masters of the Universe'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Beel]] exclaims: "I have the power!" after stealing Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]].

===[[Wikipedia:HiHi Puffy AmiYumi|''HiHi Puffy AmiYumi'']]===

*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] has Wes refer to Chris's cards as "Stu-Pi-Doh magic". Stu-Pi-Doh was an in-universe [[parody]] of ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]

===[[Wikipedia:Home Movies (TV series)|''Home Movies'']]===

*[[Officer Keino]]'s appearance is ripped straight from Coach John McGuirk.
*The end of the [[Giant Penis Comic]] special contains gags from the show.

===''[[Wikipedia:Inspector Gadget|Inspector Gadget]]''===

*[[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s nemesis, [[Clawdorf]], is (possibly) based on Inspector Gadget's nemesis Dr. Claw, who was also most of the time seen as a dark silhouette. If it's true, it is especially strange, as Darkbind is based on ''Darkwing Duck'' and the ''Legend of Zelda'', not ''Inspector Gadget''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Johnny Bravo|Johnny Bravo]]''===

''Johnny Bravo'' is a show about a dude trying to find a chick to get laid with. Though Johnny continuously fails to do this, he shows a lot more competence than Chris when it comes to dating.

* [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] has a line from the Scooby-Doo crossover ripped out entirely, regarding Applecore. Per usual, Chris [[Random-access_humor|fails to use the context that made the joke funny in the first place]].

===''[[Wikipedia:Muppet Babies|Muppet Babies]]''===

*In [[SonichuBabies|one video]], Chris made a mind-numbing 12-minute video of the [[Chaotic Combo]] as [[sonee and rosey|sonees and roseys]], though his video lost the major charms the series actually had.

===''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''===
[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation plagiarizes the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show episode [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHDnc19mHv0/ "Sally at School"] word for word.
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* It's not hard to figure out from where the name of one of [[Clover and Snoopy|Chris's current dogs]] comes from.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Powerpuff Girls|The Powerpuff Girls]]''===
*The other half of [[Blake]]'s origin was stolen from The Powerpuff Girls, as an accidental dose of a foreign chemical gives him his evilness and his [[Niggos|blackness]], just as an accidental dose of "Chemical X" gave the Powerpuff Girls their powers. This is lampshaded poorly on the cover to Black Sonichu's introductory issue, [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], where [[Sonic]] suggests that Chemical "X" could have caused the change, but [[Sonichu]] corrects him: It was cherry cola.

===''[[Wikipedia:The Ren & Stimpy Show|The Ren & Stimpy Show]]''===

*[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]'s Sub-Episode 6, "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari", rips off the ''Ren & Stimpy'' episode "Lair of the Lummox," which Chris even acknowledges (with Ren & Stimpy thinly veiled as "[[Chris_and_copyright|Ben & Stumpy]].")
*At the end of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]'s Episode 17, there is an advert for "Knothole", boasted as being from the creators of "Log".<ref>[http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/r/renandstimpy8231/log286629.html]</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Rocko's Modern Life|Rocko's Modern Life]]''===

*When listing [[Mailbag 23#Chris and the dark arts|what various spells he uses]], he claims the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] inflicts its target with "Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune". This is a reference from the short "Fortune Cookie", where secondary character Filburt Shellbach gets a fortune that read "Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune Will Infest Your Pathetic Soul For All Eternity". [[Chris|Hmmm....]]

===''[[Wikipedia:Sealab 2021|''Sealab 2021'']]===

*In the same [[ED]] edit, Chris included a joke from the ''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants": "What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they need a dentist."

===[[Wikipedia:The Smurfs|''The Smurfs'']]===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] seems to be "inspired" by the character of [http://smurfs.wikia.com/wiki/Wild_Smurf Wild Smurf]. Both live in treehouses. Both swing from vines (although Wild Sonichu's vines swinging comes from ripping off Spider-Man). Both were raised by wild animals. Honestly, the only difference between the two is that Wild Sonichu can actually talk (Wild Smurf communicated in chipmunk sounds more than anything else).

===''[[South Park]]''===

*[[CADD Chef]] is an obvious ripoff of the [[niggo]] [[Wikipedia:Chef (South Park)|Jerome "Chef" McElroy]].
*[[Beel]] has a strong resemblance to ''South Park'''s [[Wikipedia:List of supporting characters on South Park#Satan|Satan]].
''For more info, see the [[South Park#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Space Ghost Coast to Coast|Space Ghost Coast to Coast]]''===

*The chant uttered by the guardian of the cave in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]],"Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!", is one of Zorak's chants ("Lombaki Creo Plomo Pleo Zoma Ah Ah!") spelled backwards and mangled. Chris's original attempts to do spells or chants have failed spectacularly, so the stolen chant is one of his better ones.

===[[Wikipedia:The Brak Show|''The Brak Show'']]===

*In the oft-mentioned [[Random-access_humor#Random_ramblings|ED edit]], Chris included three lines from [[Adult_Swim|''The Brak Show'']], all of them from the same episode ("The New Brak"). The episode centers on [[Liquid_Chris|Brak]] dealing with an [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|annoying impostor]] who shamelessly copies everything Brak does - [[Liquid_Chris#Liquid_Saga|sound familiar]]?

===[[Wikipedia:Tiny Toon Adventures|''Tiny Toon Adventures'']]===

* In [[Sub-Episode 5]], a cuckoo bird chirps out "Cuccoo! Cuccoo! If she thinks he'll never find a [[boyfriend-free girl]] with his method, then [[Slaweel]] is Cuccoo! Cuccoo!" This is a reference to character GoGo DoDo, who'd pop out of Acme Looniversity's clock tower in the longer episodes to say a phrase similar to that.

===''[[Transformers]]''===

*[[Optimus Prime]] mercilessly killing Decepticon spy [[Sarah Jackson]].
*Various Transformer-types appear in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].
*During the final battle with Reldnahc, the villain says "I've waited an eternity for this. Your life is mine Prime-chan!". A similar line is used by Megatron in ''Transformers: The Movie''.
*Some villanious Transformers Chris and his recolors did battle with are called "Decepticlones". In the ''Transformers'' video game based off of the ''Armada'' anime series released on the PS2, generic enemies were also called "Decepticlones".
*A scene in [[Sonichu 4]] blatantly rips off the Quintesson and Trial Scene from ''Transformers: The Movie''. This one's so blatant that it's kind of hard to believe that Chris could be so [[Autism|retarded]] as to not realize how [[Naive|obvious]] it is.
*The [[Manajerks|W-M-Manajerk]]'s power suit is a flagrant recolor of Spike's Environmental Suit from ''Transformers: The Movie''.
''For more info, see the [[Transformers#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===[[Adult Swim|''Tom Goes To The Mayor'']]===

*Placing the [[Mayor's Office]] inside the mall is either a reference to this or Chris having terrible priorities.

==Live action==

===''[[Gilligan's Island]]''===

*Thurston Howell, III and his wife Lovey make an appearance in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], hinting at the name of the head of [[4-cent_garbage.com]], the infamous [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].
{{incomplete}}

===''[[Monty Python]]''===

{{incomplete}}

*When [[Darkbind Sonichu]] is fighting the [[B-Manajerk]], a word-for-word copy of the "Black Knight" sketch from [[Wikipedia:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'']] is spoken.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Need I say more?
*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: An impromptu "comedic" sequence making "fun" of [[Jimmy Hill]] starts with "And now for something completely different...", contains a collage of photos and drawings reminiscent of Terry Gilliam's artistic experiments, and features a porcupine shouting: "Dinsdale!"

''For more info, see the [[Monty Python#Plagiarism|main article]].''

===''[[Wikipedia:Spaceballs|''Spaceballs'']]===

*In the [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] fight between [[Wes-Li Sonichu]] and [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris-Chan Sonichu gets his tail singed by a fire blast then exclaims, "You burned my tail! Now it's personal!" before going on the offensive. This is very similar to the scene in ''Spaceballs'' where gun-hating Princess Vespa gets her hair singed by a laser in a firefight and exclaims, "You shot my hair! You son of a bitch!" then proceeds to singlehandedly mow down the attacking Spaceballs with a laser rifle.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYgQXWxJfZE#t=7m44s (''Relevant portion from 7:44 to 8:01'')</ref> While the words aren't identical, he reads the lines with the same cadence and inflection as Vespa's in his [[Sonichu_2_Official_Videobook#Episode_8|Official Videobook]] clip.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42EOCbTSJOI#t=8m06s (''Relevant portion from 8:06 to 8:12'')</ref>

===''[[Wikipedia:Carrie (film)|Carrie]]''===

*Chris's "[[The High School Story]]" is an amalgamation of Stephen King's ''Carrie'', and Chris's own [[high school]] experience. Its main character, Terrah, is bullied and underappreciated, so she murders everyone with her psychic powers. It is safe to assume that Chris saw the movie adaptation of ''Carrie'', and not the book, as it is unimaginable that Chris would ever spend his time on a book without illustrations.

===''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers|Power Rangers]]''===

*In [[Sub-Episode 8]], Chris is given advice by the [[Ancient_leader_of_the_Cherokee_Clan]] and as he leaves, he tells him "May the Anchuent Powers Protect You", a butchering of Zordon's ''Star Wars''-inspired phrase "May the Power protect you."
*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the CWC-Power Rangers are introduced, but never seen with the sole exception of Kart Megazord.
*[[Silvana]]'s basic existence, back story, and partial appearance are the copied directly from a villain ([[wikipedia:Villains_in_Power_Rangers_in_Space#Astronema|Astronema]]), from ''[[wikipedia:Power_Rangers_in_Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris introduces a terrible new song entitled "[[Revive Zordon]]", which displays his wish for the return of the "original" Power Rangers team.

===''[[Wikipedia:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], [[Sonic]] is quoted saying "Eh... you were expecting maybe, Bugs Bunny?" a direct 'reference' to a line said by one of the non-yawning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the third movie. The original line was "Eh... you were expecting maybe, The Addams Family?" It is ironic in this case that of all the lines Chris-Chan could have possibly chosen from the movie, he went ahead to choose one of the most awful, face-palming, gut-wrenchingly bad lines (only second to the even worse line "Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!"), and proceeded to MAKE IT WORSE. Congratulations.

===[[Saw|''Saw'' series]]===

*Louis Perez, appearing in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to apprehend [[Inos]], could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated that the ''Saw'' series is one of his favorite movie franchises.<ref>[[Common_Questions#31_December_2009]]</ref> Both characters are [[niggos|black]] policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely.
*The execution of the [[Asperpedia]] crew in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is performed through what equates to elaborate death traps, similar to what is seen in the ''Saw'' series. They certainly have more in common with those movies than with anything resembling actual state-sponsored executions.

===''[[Wikipedia:Independence Day (film)|Independence Day]]''===

*In the [[Christian Love Day video]], he recited a modified version of the speech that President Thomas J. Whitmore makes before making a last stand against the aliens, which shows just how ridiculously corny he can get.

===[[Wikipedia:Lewis Black's Root of All Evil|''Lewis Black's Root of All Evil'']]===

*This Comedy Central show featuring Lewis Black as a judge was ripped off in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where the judge at the trial, named "Slack Lewis," greatly resembles Black.

===''[[Wikipedia:Lethal Weapon 2|Lethal Weapon 2]]''===

*The exploding-toilet death of [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]] was ripped off from the near-death of [[Wikipedia:Roger Murtaugh|Roger Murtaugh]] by exploding toilet in ''Lethal Weapon 2''.

===''[[Star Wars|Star Wars]]''===

*While he hasn't ripped it off directly (yet), he once told [[Jackie]] in [[Jackie e-mails|their e-mail exchanges]] that he essentially planned to make the backstory of [[Wild Sonichu]] a rip-off of the relationship between [[Wikipedia:Luke Skywalker|Luke Skywalker]] and [[Wikipedia:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] (Vader being Luke's father turned evil, for the few of you living in caves).

===[[Wikipedia:This Is Spinal Tap|''This Is Spinal Tap'']]===

*During the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, the speaker blurts out that the volume is "Cranked up to Eleven." We can only hope that Chris ripped this joke off directly rather than referencing something else referencing ''Spinal Tap''.

===''[[Wikipedia:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Terminator 2: Judgment Day]]''===
*Chris's [[Sonichu Special 4|threat on the life of]] [[Liquid Chris]] contains a number of elements from the film:
**The top speed of 65 mph during the escape scene
**The Terminator shooting an enemy in the legs, saying "He'll live."

==Videogames==

===''[[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Banjo-Kazooie]]''===

*[[Flame the Sunbird]] is just a very poor drawing of [[Wikipedia:Banjo-Kazooie (series)|Kazooie]], who seems to want pants [[Pok%C3%A9mon#Plagiarism_in_Sonichu|for reasons one can only guess]]. Anyone who enjoyed this game can only thank [[Godjesus]] that Chris doesn't seem to realize that Kazooie is a [[China|girl]].
*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]]'s battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] is ripped directly from the final boss fight with Gruntilda. The only differences are that the fireballs are replaced with dark energy and Mary does not fall to her death.

===[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda|''The Legend of Zelda'']]===

{{incomplete}}

*The characters [[Darkbind Sonichu]] and [[Zelina Rosechu]] are rip-offs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Princess Zelda|Zelda]] respectively, the two main characters from the series, alongside being rip-offs of elements from the cartoon series ''Darkwing Duck'', strangely enough.
*The entire subplot about Darkbind and Zelina, involving Zelina being put under a sleeping spell by an [[Clawdorf|evil wizard]] and Darkbind setting off to reawaken her with a [[Sonichu Balls|powerful artifact]], is taken nearly verbatim from the story of ''[[Wikipedia:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]]''. There, the Link from the [[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda (video game)|first game]] goes on an adventure to find a powerful artifact, in this case the Triforce of Courage, in order to awaken the original Zelda from a sleeping curse put on her by- you guessed it, an evil wizard.
*The land of "[[RuleCWC]]" is a not-so subtle ripoff of Hyrule- right down to aspects including the name and its castle.
*In the [[Wallflower E-mails 2|Wallflower E-mails]], Chris claims that Darkbind Sonichu was trained in RuleCWC forest by a "rogue master swordsman" and an owl named King Alistair. These are obvious ripoffs of [[Wikipedia:Link (The Legend of Zelda)|Link]] and [[Wikipedia:Characters_in_The_Legend_of_Zelda_series#Kaepora_Gaebora|Kaepora Gaebora]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam|''Mobile Suit Gundam'']]===

*During the [[Megan]] Saga, Chris drew box art for ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'', one of Chris's many fake box arts for his imaginary games. What's unique about this one is that it involves Megan Schroeder and her brother John. Despite being about Megan, it is not a [[rape]] simulator, but instead believed to be a ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo|''Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'']].

===[[Wikipedia:Street Fighter|''Street Fighter'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Sonichu]] performs a Flash Kick on [[Slaweel]].
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]'s attack "Hyper Beam" looks a lot like one of [[Wikipedia:Ryu (Street Fighter)|Ryu]]'s super combos, the "Shinku Hadouken". It appears in [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]].
*In [[Sonichu Special 4]], [[Kacey]]'s father resembles [[Wikipedia:Guile (Street Fighter)|Guile]].

===[[Wikipedia:Mario (series)|''Mario'' series]]===

{{incomplete}}

''Mario'' is a video game series conceived by [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], and has been the mascot of [[Nintendo]] for decades. While [[Sonic]] has fallen into a self-induced pit of horrifying shit, probably never to escape, Mario has stayed consistently good for all this time. Despite this, Chris very much favors Sonic, as he only has a passing interest in Mario. However, he has enough interest to rip it off from time to time.

*The Wing Cap ability from [[Wikipedia:Super Mario 64|''Super Mario 64'']] is ripped off in [[Sonichu 3|Sub-Episode 4]], where Chris flies around with wings on his head. They are later discarded, and Chris is strangely shown flying without them.
*His concept for ''Sonic The Hedgehog 64'', as expressed in his [[Hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine]], is nothing more than ''Super Mario 64'' with [[Sonic]] and [[Tails]]. Literally.

===[[Wikipedia:Brutal Legend|''Brutal Legend'']]===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], during the introduction of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], [[Armoraxe]] uses a move that looks and acts exactly like the Solo "[[nudes|Face Melter]]" from the game. The only difference is that the move is called "Metal Melter."
*The devil [[trolls]] that appear to carry [[CChanSonichuCWC|IBAChandler]] away after he is defeated by [[Sonichu]] seem to be a rip-off of the fans that appear to carry you off when you are defeated during a stage battle in Brutal Legend. This is confirmed by the [[chris|retarded]] phrase written next to the same panel in the comic, "Hmm, What 'Legend' brought these [[fanbase|fans]]?"
*In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris using the power of [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|music]] and [[son-chu|stage]] to destroy the [[4-Cent Garbage]] building may have been inspired by ''Brutal Legend'''s Stage Battles. Son-Chu ''does'' turns into a giant stage which resembles Ironheade's megastage, but rather than offer a fair fight Chris just Guitar Heroes his opponents into oblivion instantly.
*[[Simonla]] gives [[Wild Sonichu]] her lucky shark's tooth necklace, similar to when Eddie Riggs gives Ophelia his mother's shark tooth-like necklace in ''Brutal Legend''.

===[[Wikipedia:God of War (video game)|''God of War'']]===

*[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. [[Collosal Chan]] pulls out lightning bolt versions of Kratos's Blades to fight [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel]].

===''[[Wikipedia:PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa the Rapper]]''===

*In preparation for the "[[Revive Zordon]]" performance, [[Sonichu]] puts on PaRappa's hat and becomes as flat and two-dimensional as PaRappa (not to mention his own character), then says PaRappa's catchphrase "I gotta believe!"

===''[[Wikipedia:Monster Rancher|Monster Rancher]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], the giant golem that [[Mary Lee Walsh|''Mary Lee Walsh'']] is riding strongly resembles the Golem monster in its design from the first two games in the Monster Rancher series.

===''[[Wikipedia:Perfect Dark|Perfect Dark]]''===

*In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the sub-episode CWC-Defense is named after a thematically-similar level in ''Perfect Dark'', a Nintendo 64 game, in which the main HQ of the protagonist (the Carrington Insititute) comes under attack. The name of the level? CI-Defense.

==Web original==
===Jessi Slaughter===
*In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris says "The consequences will never be the same," mimicking the famous line "Consequences will never be the same!" from a [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Jessi_Slaughter Jessi Slaughter] video. It was later found that Chris was simply repeating something Jackie told him to say, and has likely never seen nor heard of the video in question.

==Western comics==

===''[[Wikipedia:Spider-Man|Spider-Man]]''===

*[[Wild Sonichu]] is a partial ripoff of Spider-Man, a superhero who can shoot long web strings from his hands. He uses these web ropes to swing across the city and entangle his enemies. Also, the scene in the end of Episode 19 ([[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]) is highly reminiscent of the ''Spider-Man'' movie. Similarly, Wild can also climb walls with relative ease, though it's not clear whether he's just a good climber or if he literally clings to walls, as Spider-Man does.
*In [[Sonichu 5]], Chris claims that his "sixth sense is tingling", blatantly knocking off of Spider-Man's catch phrase.

===[[Wikipedia:Hulk (comics)|The Incredible Hulk]]===

*[[Rosechu]]'s bat-shit insane rapist form, now known as [[the Incredible Lioness]], is based off of the Incredible Hulk. While Rosechu didn't turn green (and seeing as she's an [[wikipedia:Abomination_(comics)|abomination]] already, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she's already bathed in gamma radiation), she gets pissed off when [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] launches a [[pickle]] at her and she tears him a new one.

==Songs==

{{incomplete}}

*Everything from the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums is sung over another song; this may be Chris's biggest showing of plagiarism yet, aside from [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]].
*[[Jiggliami]]'s song, "War of Love," is a ripoff of "Love Is War," a [[Wikipedia:Supercell|Supercell]] song using [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Miku Hatsune]] for vocals. While Blanca wrote the ripoff, Chris was more than willing to use it in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===[[Wikipedia:Tommy Tutone|Tommy Tutone]]===

*The product number for [[John's Custom Gundam]] is [[Wikipedia:867-5309/Jenny|8675309]].

==Commercials==

===[[Wikipedia: GEICO|GEICO]]===

*In [[Sonichu 1]], Chris interrupts Rosechu and Amy Rose's vapid girl talk because "[he'd] like to save time...and money on [his] [[Son-Chu|car]] insurance by switching over to 'Get-Co!'"

==List of fiction Chris has referenced and otherwise bastardized==

While Chris's [[Sonichu|masterpiece]] is chock-full of shameless ripoffs and copyright infringements, there are some references to works of fiction which can't be actually considered "ripping off," but manage to ruin the franchise in question nevertheless, for the sole fact of being referenced in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]. These are mostly instances of Chris either including a minor reference to a work of fiction, or just mentioning it, in his comics. While it's not considered a crime ''de jure'', it still may be called a crime against humanity, whose culture Chris has thus bastardized.

''Note that when such minor references concern works or franchises already listed in the main ripoff list above, they're added there, not here. It was done so that it would be easier to see how much has Chris managed to bastardize each franchise.''

*'''[[Wikipedia:Batman|Batman]]:''' [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17|S8 Ep17 p.35]]: Batman's portrait is hanging on the wall of the [[CWCville Mayoral Office]] for some completely mysterious reason.
*'''[[Bugs Bunny]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Episode 6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] says to the startled [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr.Robotnik]]: "Eh... You were expecting, maybe Bugs Bunny?"
:*[[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: Bugs himself appears in the ''[[Monty Python]]''-esque collage, lecturing the toothless photograph of [[Jimmy Hill]] (who was implied to have sold counterfeit Warner Bros. merchandise in the past) on the evils of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Dig Dug|Dig Dug]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]]: [[Simonla]]'s screen name is "DigDugette416".
:*Later, on [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Layla]] jokes that Simonla only needs a pump to "fully dig the dug," whatever that means.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Fight Club (film)|''Fight Club'']] and [[Wikipedia:Chuck Palahniuk|Chuck Palahniuk]]:'''
:*[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: [[Hanna]] tells Chris that she likes reading books by "Chuck Pala[[duck]]" [sic], who is also (according to Chris's footnote) "the director of the movie "Fight Club" (well, maybe he believes that [[Wikipedia:David Fincher|David Fincher]] is just Chuck's alternate personality?)... Yes, "Chuck Pala'''[[duck]]'''".
:*If Chris has actually seen the movie, it may be the influence behind [[30 August 2009|"Christopher"]].
*'''[[Wikipedia:Grand Theft Auto|''Grand Theft Auto'']]:''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] orders: "[[Beel]]! Prepare for Grand Theft [[Medallion of Fail|Medal]]!"
*'''''[[Guitar Hero]]'':'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'':''' [[Sonichu 10#Preview|''Sonichu'' #10]]: For no reason at all, Sackboy appears at the bottom of the page and recites an anti-pirate advertisement for "LittleBigPlanet" and Chris's [[LittleBigPlanet videos#Sonichu Episode 1 LittleBIGPlanet Level|Level of Fail]].
*'''[[R.L. Stine]]:'''
{{incomplete}}
*'''''[[Sprung]]'':''' [[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Chris is shown playing ''Sprung'' on his [[Nintendo]] DS for dating tips before going on a date with [[Hanna]]. He reads the infamous "So, do angels have names?" compliment and notes that it "sounds right."
*'''[[wikipedia:Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde|''Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde'':]]''' [[Magical Man Potion]]: Chris drinks a [[Semen|magical concoction]] and transforms into an entirely different [[troll|being]], before reverting to his own self. Due to the fact that the transformation is "from [[Chris|bumbling]] to [[Liquid Chris|suave]]" rather than "from [[Chris and religion|moral]] to [[Death threats|cruel]]", as well as the extreme unlikelihood of him knowing classical Scottish literature, he probably stole the concept from [[wikipedia:The Nutty Professor|The Nutty Professor]], a derivative work of Jekyll and Hyde.
*'''[[Wikipedia:B-Daman|B-Daman]]:''' [[Sonichu 1#Episode6|''Sonichu'' #1]]: Sonic curls up into a ball and enters a pocket of whatever in Sonichu's stomach, upon which Sonichu fires him out at Metal Sonichu which also is the form of a ball. At first, this looks like a reference to balls, but upon closer inspection, it seems to be a ripoff of the Japanese Anime and Toy series B-Daman, which involves small cute robot-like characters firing balls out of their stomachs at other balls.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|''Star Trek'']]:''' Both within the comics and in his real life presentations, he uses the phrase "[[Captain's Log]]" a reference to the opening of most ''Star Trek'' episodes and movies. He's never seen anything of the franchise, but he felt the need to rip it off anyway. That's Chris for you.
*'''[[Wikipedia:Happy Tree Friends|''Happy Tree Friends'']]''' In Sonichu 10, Chris mentions the 'Happy Tree Friends-esque' deaths of the Chaotic Combo in Asperchu, implying that he's seen the show a few times.

==The tl;dr Version==

At this point, it's almost easier to list the beloved franchises Chris ''hasn't'' ruined.

==References==
<references />

==See also:==

*[[Chris and copyright]]
*[[List of phrases Chris copied from media]]

[[Category:Articles needing improvement]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2013-07-04T04:48:07Z

TrammatPusher: /* Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself */ repositioning - now Megan isn't going from "okay" to "freaked" unprompted, & Chris's is a clear response to her initial freaked-out question [2/2]

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails exchanged by [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] from August through December [[2007]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 9:08:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the [[Adam Stackhouse|winner]] of the [[PaRappa]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]; among their ten [[videos]], they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am [[Chris and Anger|Angry]], Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between [[MySpace]], [[PSN|Playstation Network]] and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and [[John]] each a [[PSP]]... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

As for the what happened at [[the Game Place]]; it was so-so, and I didn't get any [[Soul Calibur]] [[cards]] today. Although from my monthly tugboat, I did get the new [[Guitar Hero]] game and the PS1 classic, [[Wikipedia:UmJammer Lammy|UmJammer Lammy]], some ink for my printer, a bunch of slim cd and [[DVD]] cases and a 4GB memory stick duo.

Although I'm certain you have oodles of stories of your days in Kentucky, and I truly look forward to listening to you telling me about them. :)

Thank you, Megan, for being my continuing inspiration. I hope you all are doing well, and I await your safe and sound return. Take care.

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris hopes to make Adam Stackhouse lose by a loophole in the rules===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 8:13:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Dearest Megan,

Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and resentment against that [[Adam Stackhouse|lucky S.O.B. winner]]. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not [[Autism|Autistic]].

Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me [[Chris and sex|safe and sound]]. :)

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3}}

===Megan is annoyed and creeped out===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 12:42 am 
Subject: .....

Christian-

I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your [[Chris and psychology|behavior has irritated me]] for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]] because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is [[Fuck Quest|sexual harrassment]] to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.

Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.

And I don't like your [[Megan Shrine|"Megan Obsession"]] I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in [[Soul Calibur|Soulcalibur]] and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.

With all that said, we're down to two options: 
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. 
-or- 
B: Never see me again

I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.

I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.

Please listen to me next time 
~Megan}}

===Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 2:51:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: OUCH....My Heart...

Megan, sweetie, [[List of Chris's lies|I NEVER said anything about you being my "girlfriend"]]; in the video, I said, "The only song I know is 'Master Onion' which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend, Megan. I truly care about your feelings, and I am 500 times sorry... :_( I meant what all I did when I talk about you to be complimentive and flattering, not the contrary. I was only trying to make you happy.

I NEVER meant any [[Chris and rape|"sexual harrassment"]]; granted that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|I have had one or two fantasies before]], but I sincerely would NEVER intentionally do anything of the sort to you without your consent. You mean SOOOOOO much to me... As youu are aware, I'm guessing, I do not have many [[gal pal|gal-pals]] in or around [[Charlottesville]], and I treasure having you in my life, and as my closest, sweetest friend I could ever have in this one-hores, [[Virgina is for Virgins|VIRGIN-ONLY STATE]]. If I lost you... it would [[Heart level|TOTALLY SHATTER my heart]], my soul, my being. I CAN NOT AFFOARD to lose you; I need you. Having you in my life, and as my gal-pal, is essentally wkat keeps me from reverting to a sad, lonely, depressed, apocolyptic state, like I have expierenced before when that witch of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], SHATTERED MY HEART AND SOUL when I was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE]], caring, [[Tobacky|smoke-free]], [[Alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to be my friend, and over time maybe grow into a [[sweetheart|SWEETHEART]]. Even right now, as I type this E-mail, I feel like I have been torn vertically into two, and I am typing on a keyboard that has been turned upwardly crooked from being banged against a raised knee... It really hurts...

I will remove the video from the [[internet]] soon as per your request, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want you and me to still be friends. And as much as I truly understand how you feel about romance and love, I can't deny the feelings in my heart... I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH; I would look at our [[Chris and religion|sacred photo]] every night, and I would feee soooo much happier, because I have you as my one-and-only, single-solitary, once-in-a-lifetime-like, gal-pal. And I would wonder how you were getting along and faring in Kentucky, and I would hope to get to see you again in front of me soon... Megan... [[Love Quest|I love ou]].

I gotta go.

Faithfully yours; Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Chris begs Megan not to leave him===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 11:55 am 
Subject: Hey.

I took care of the video; I edited the original video by removing the pic, then I uploaded the new to repace the old. So your face is not in there anymore.

I was depressed ALL DAY from those harsh words, but I'm not blaming you. I can only guess something unexpected happened that wasn't in favor. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Please don't leave me, Sweet Friend, Megan.

Faithfully yours;

Chris Chan.}}

===Chris says he's not angry or jealous of Adam Stackhouse anymore===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 3:46 pm 
Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the [[Chris and Anger|burst of anger]]. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful [[rainbow]] as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

I hope to see you again soon. <3<3<3<3

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. :)}}

===Chris continues to beg Megan not to leave===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 8:27:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because [[Heart level|my heart was hit so bad]], that it [[Sex doll|sprung a leak]]... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the [[Adam Stackhouse|rule-violating winner]], for my lonely, [[Chris and sex|wandering hands]] wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this [[Autism|cursed Autistic life]]. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

[[Virgin with rage|I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder]], you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING [[Love Quest]], you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to [[the Game Place]].

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

===Chris talks about another contest and his ENDURING LOVE QUEST===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, Megan 
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:09 pm 
Attachments: Patti-Chan_Folklore_plus_details.jpg (238K), Patti-Chan_Folklore.jpg (111K)

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it was truly good to see that you all got back safe from Kentucky...I truly did miss you. Also it is a weight off my shoulders to hear from you that we are still good friends.

Anyhoo, how did John do in his Mechanics class; what was his grade and such? How was your stay in Kentucky? And have you been practicing your [[Guitar]] skills on your PS2? *I hope you got better. :)

Also, a few weeks ago, I learned about the Folklore Create-A-Creature contest on the Playstation website; make up a unique creature suitable for the Fantasy world of the upcoming [[PS3]] game, write up the details of the character and send in the .jpg file. Five will be chosen, among whom will win a copy of the PS3 game and a matching artwork book, and Only One will be programmed into a upcoming Downloable-from-the-Playstation-Store Add-On where the creature will be catchable and playable in the game. Simply put, I sent in [[Patti-Chan]] (see image below). Speaking of [[Patti]], cute-like story, it was June 27, 2007, the date of the first year anniversary since her [[Chris and English|accent]] to heaven. On that date, neither of us realizing the anniversary yet, but my mother talked about going to the local SPCA building and adopting a new dog. That night, I realized it upon a Random Remembering, and I cried for a while, so did my mother after I had informed her. But we did realize that we talked about adopting a new dog on the date of the first anniversary. Bless her soul.

Well, like I said, I will be returing to the [[University of Virginia|UVA's Alderman Library]] twice a week starting Sept. 4 to resume my Sweetheart Search (AKA [[Love Quest]]). *sigh* It will be lonely, torturing and enduring like it has been in the past, but I have my dream of a lil' [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. And the movies and games on my PSP will give me something else to think about as I go back to wishin', hopin', and prayin' to be found by an "18-25-Year Old, caring, sweet, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl" (hopefully a virgin) "to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up". And at the end of each lonely wait, I will quote my old [[random access humor|joke]] of a commercial, "Call Right Now, and we'll send you a Beautiful Girlfriend FREE". Then I will pretend to call RIGHT NOW, and always get BUPKIS. *sigh* Whatever.

One more thing, while I'm thinking about it, are you finished with the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Ranger|Pok'emon Ranger]] DS game yet, because I still remember our deal?

Well, take care you all; I'll see you all again next Friday.

Your Friend; Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 5:37 pm

That's odd...according to my yahoo sent items folder it was sent. 
It pretty much said how I had all the unwanted cards. And I am looking for 3 cards now since you somehow figured out Revenant was on that list as well. Dang you're good! The [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS cards]] I'm looking for are these: Manas & Ayas (note I think the card spells it "Ayus" which is different from the game's spelling) It's from the first SC expansion Voldo (from the first exp. 4 dots, standing upright, arms crossed) Voldo (a promo card, back facing us, butt visible, the image is an official namco drawing) And I'm also really looking for ANYTHING on the StreetFighter character [[Wikipedia:Vega (Street Fighter)|Vega]]. And one more thing, a Promo card of R. Mika. (I think the picture- she has her arms in the air.) And that's it. I hope you get lucky! Not saying you would but please don't start a R.Mika deck...I worked hard and hate being copied. You stick with the Greek Girls!

I also said how I'm doing a major room clean and can give you things I don't want. I'm still finding more stuff but so far I have: 
Absolute Boyfriend poster 
figurine of Primera from the series [[Wikipedia:Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle|Tsubasa Chronicle]] 
[[Wikipedia:Tokyo Boys & Girls|Tokyo Boys and Girls]] vol.1 (manga) 
[[Wikipedia:Someday's Dreamers|Someday's Dreamers: Spellbound]] vol.1 (manga) 
a [[My Little Pony]] badge/button/pin thing 
Some more extra [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] cards

I'm sure I'll find more stuff, let me know if you want any and all of the above. In exchange for whatever cards you find or something Still haven't played SCIII <nowiki>*sigh</nowiki>...I'll get around to it soon...

Let me know and thanks!

~Megan

PS I also said thank you for finally understanding and giving me space and toning down your affections. Even so I also said that you are still my good friend and take everything you've given me and done with great appreciation.}}

===Chris talks about cards and how lonely he is===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 11:24 pm 
Okay, here's the summary:

UFS SC Set 1 FOIL UR SR Manas & Ayas 
UFS New UR SR Promo Foil R Mika 
From same Vendor for total of $8.25 
UFS Street Fighter Vega SF02 092/126 
From another Vendor for a total of $4 
UFS Street Fighter VEGA'S CLAW SF02...096/126 Rare 
From another for a total of $3.99 
UFS Street Fighter FOIL Vega SF1P****06/12 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC3P****14/16 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC01****091/143 URARE 
From Paladin Game and Hobbies for a total of $10.72

Which totals to (rounded up) $27, and with the $4 from Revenants, that makes it $31. Although I would feel better with a total cash settlement (or installments totaling to), I will take off $18 for your listed merchandise in your recent e-mail, taking the total down to $13. Also, for your information, you have mentioned the Revenant card in your e-mail from your Yahoo address you sent on the 30th of Sept. And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still [[Mass debating|silently calling]] for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry. 
Anyhoo, I will let you know of any updates, or I will read your reply.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan also talks about cards===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 10:53 am

Thank you very much. I will bring you the 13$ and merchandise this friday. Thank you for finding these cards I never find what I'm looking for too often.

I will also bring the lot of girl cards and I hope to find the rest of the cassandras as well. Can you list me the holos you have and I'll tell you ahead what I'm interested in. Only list what you're willing to trade. And when you list found/act/attk please write beside- the character they go with like Despair-Voldo. 
Thanks so much again! See you soon!

~Megan}}
===Chris talks about Crocs and how he was kicked out of the library for soliciting sex===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Just wanted to warn John... 
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 8:37 pm

I've just learned on the [[Wikipedia:John_Tesh#John_Tesh_Radio_Show|John Tesh Radio Show]] that people who wear [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Croc Shoes]] on escelators are having their toes, toenails gnashed, torn off or worse. If he is in an area where there is an escelator, encourage him to use an elevator or stairs.

I have not received the cards yet, nor have I been able to get that second [[Wikipedia:Manaphy#Manaphy|Manaphy]] egg yet. I've had a surprise Tuesday while I was sittin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]] (waitin' to be found by a Boyfriend-Free girl). Some old hag and her bodyguard approached me and made it obvious that it was verbodden to find True Love there. Who did she think she was; the wife of the Pope? I disregarded her intrusion, but I am cautious about the possibility of another clash of battle, like in the past with that Witch of [[PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], that [[Jerkief]] at [[Fashion Square]] and the [[Manajerks]] at [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]]. Unlike Tuesday and the previous events, I am much saltier than I was.

I will never fall for the FALSE Law of True Love searching and sharing being illegal in the State of Virginia, or in short "[[Virginia is for Virgins]]," nor will I quit chillin' at the Library's Lounge Tuesdays and Thursdays with a printed advertisement in the neighborhood.

But I digress. I will see you at the Game Place tomorrow.

Take Care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is pissed that Chris is nosing in her business===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 4:24 am 
Subject: what's up?

Christian I can probably understand how you're feeling. You looked [[Chris and anger|pretty pissed]].....not to mention giving my friend the "[[:Image:FuckYouTito.jpg|fucky finger]]".

Why? Why do you hate him so much? Cause now he's really scared that you're going to go after him and kill him!

Besides if you have to hate someone, it should be me because I'M the one who didn't return your feelings and didn't want a serious relationship. Remember I have [[Women's Rights|the right]] to decide who I want to be with. Now I'm not saying that I hate you. You are still my friend....that is if you're going to stop keep getting grudges and tormenting my friend. You're hatred and jealousy towards him is affecting me as well. How do I know you're not going to do something rash? So please just leave us alone.

I'd like for you to just accept this and move on. You have no right to hate him, he did nothing bad to you! Personally I thought you'd actually be happy for me. So please listen to me and please don't do anything bad and just leave Chris alone.

Please get back to me 
~Megan}}

===Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: I'm sorry... <nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a [[homos|homo]]. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation. I've seen [[Wikipedia:Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina|the episode]] of "[[South Park]]" where [[Wikipedia:Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] had that operation; they showed the [[Nudes|gruesome details]]. ugh...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and e motional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my [[Autism]] is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.}}

===Megan had it worse in school===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: ok 
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 5:18 pm

Ok, thanks for the reassurance. Yes I can understand your lonliness because I was the same way...worse maybe. I mean you actually had friends through school. I didn't have any friends at all. I was treated very badly by everyone. To the point where I had to drop out and graduate through homeschool.

I still want you to know that you are still my friend. And I am grateful for everything you've done. When I look through my huge book of Sailormoon cards, I'm almost to tears because YOU were the reason it has grown into a magnificent collection! :) I appreciate everything you've done and given me. Thank you.

I'm still not interested in marriage though. It's not my style. ;)

Well hopefully things will work out now. 
And let me know if there was anything you wanted for the foil [[Wikipedia:Street Fighter Alpha 3|R. Mika]] cards you have. I even have extra commons for her if you're interested. 
Talk to you later 
You take care and feel better soon. 
haha I'm still shy about his affections though! I'm like, ok, I'm on his lap, what do I do? hahaha 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, I'm cool. 
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 9:25 pm

Yeah, I'm mostly over what happened Friday. But I have a single quandry to ask, and I would appreciate an [[Honest Content|honest answer]], please. Did Christopher ask you to sit on his lap, or what incentive gave you reason to do that? Please reply with an honest answer.

Other note, I picked up a couple of blank [[wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS League cards]] for you and John to sign your names on; I'll give them to you two Friday. No tournament happened earlier; not enough people.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is scared of some fanart===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 11:50:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Megan, I've had so much to worry about today

The Good News though is that I've had more fans for Sonichu than I thought. Now the worse to bad...

I got this [[Evan|E-Mail]] earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.") I sent him a reply with respective [[Masturbating and squirtin'|criticism]]. I WAS INFURIATED!!!

Then later, I learn from an anonymous tipster about this girl'ss profile page on [[deviantART]], while she has good and fun fanart of Sonichu, SHE IS TAKING THE CREDIT, AND PLACING A FAKE COPYRIGHT, 2007 WITH HER NAME ON IT!!! You, Me, and the rest of the Sonichu Fan Club know that Sonichu Was Born On MARCH, 17, 2000 (Y2K). I sent her a message requesting her to remover her claim of copyright with a warning of Legal Actions.

All the images are attached to this e-mail, or I can show them to you on my PSP later. =0 A I just needed to get that off my head and heart, since my mom fell asleep on me at the moment.

Okay, I'll see you hopefully at the UFS Tournament. Also, don't forget to set your clocks one hour back this weekend.

Take care; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris talks about cards and mentions Lori===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net Cc: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 2:45:14 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Just to let you know...

Hey, Megan. It became kind of a ghost-town at the Game Place last Friday; most of the children left. It's too bad you didn't make it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got a Piplup and Turtwig through SUCCESSFUL Trades through the [[wikipedia:Global Trade Station|GTS (Wi-Fi)]]. Also, have you or John gone underground with the Explorers' Kit? I found 4 Skull Fossils, so I have 3 extra Craniados; if I don't get one through the GTS by the Friday after Thanksgiving (NO LEAGUE this coming Friday), I need the other fossil Pokemon of the Diamond/Pearl Generation (the one that evolves into Bastiedon). I will trade you or John a Craniados for that Fossil Pokemon. One more thing, please Show me a Palkia in my Diamond game, so I can try to get one through the GTS.

That's about it for now. Please reply ASAP.

Take care; Chris Chan.

P.S. This is [[Lori Lopez|Lori]]; the girl my buddy [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] is hooking me up with. She had it done at JMU; that's why it has her name on it.}}

===Megan is curious===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:05 am

Well I'm not too far with Pearl but John has a lot of Pokemon. Have you met this girl yet? Well I hope it goes well for you. Let me know how it goes! I forgot to ask last night but could you find out if there will be UFS this coming sunday? Thanks!

Bye bye 
~Megan}}
===Chris really likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 2:17 pm

I'll be meeting [[Lori Lopez|Lori]] soon. I've traded a LV.20 Male Burmy for a Shieldon over the GTS, so I'm good on the fossils for now. Not this coming Sunday; it's Thanksgiving Weekend; No Pokemon this week either. Thank you for replying and letting meknow. Please work on getting that Palkia, so I can have my character see it, so I can find it through the GTS. I will likely start the Ranger adventure again so I can get my own Manaphy. BTW, try Manaphy and Ditto at the Day Care; my Player's Guide says there's a non-evolving baby Manaphy to be hatched from that combination.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan asks him for Nazi music or something===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: Christian Chandler <cwcsonichu@aol.com> 
Subject: one more favor? 
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:08 pm

Hey, I hope things go well between you and Lori.

Hope it's not a problem but I have ONE more request from [http://sailormusic.net/ Sailormusic.net]. I was going to download the ogg.vorbis thing but it didn't work...

On the international Albums could you please save all the German stuff for me please? I think each link is compressed file of several songs. Would that be ok with you? I would really like them and can't find them anywhere else...

Thanks again, I'll remember to bring Pokemon next time 
PS is it possible to save them and maybe email me the converted files? 
~Megan}}

===Chris is boring and still likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com Cc: polizeigewalt@aim.com 
Sent: Tue, 18 Dec 2007 8:42:27 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hey, Megan.

Just a reminder; please reply if otherwise, but please don't forget my [[wikipedia:Memory Stick#Memory Stick Duo|Memory Stick Duo]], as well as yours and John's Pokemon Diamond/Pearl games and DS Systems for when I meet you all at The End tomorrow.

I will be sure to come with my Wii and Pokemon Battle Revolution and my [[wikipedia:Datel Action Replay|Action Replay DS]] accessory.

I will check my e-mail tomorrow in the afternoon for your reply.

Take care, and see you all tomorrow. Chris Chan.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:20070807a-Meg-Piss Off.PNG
Image:Megan 07-10-20-1.PNG
Image:Megan_07-10-20-2.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2013-07-04T04:46:17Z

TrammatPusher: /* Megan is pissed that Chris is nosing in her business */ repositioning (despite datestamps, emails do not make sense in this order) [1/2]

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails exchanged by [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] from August through December [[2007]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 9:08:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the [[Adam Stackhouse|winner]] of the [[PaRappa]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]; among their ten [[videos]], they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am [[Chris and Anger|Angry]], Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between [[MySpace]], [[PSN|Playstation Network]] and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and [[John]] each a [[PSP]]... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

As for the what happened at [[the Game Place]]; it was so-so, and I didn't get any [[Soul Calibur]] [[cards]] today. Although from my monthly tugboat, I did get the new [[Guitar Hero]] game and the PS1 classic, [[Wikipedia:UmJammer Lammy|UmJammer Lammy]], some ink for my printer, a bunch of slim cd and [[DVD]] cases and a 4GB memory stick duo.

Although I'm certain you have oodles of stories of your days in Kentucky, and I truly look forward to listening to you telling me about them. :)

Thank you, Megan, for being my continuing inspiration. I hope you all are doing well, and I await your safe and sound return. Take care.

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris hopes to make Adam Stackhouse lose by a loophole in the rules===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 8:13:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Dearest Megan,

Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and resentment against that [[Adam Stackhouse|lucky S.O.B. winner]]. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not [[Autism|Autistic]].

Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me [[Chris and sex|safe and sound]]. :)

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3}}

===Megan is annoyed and creeped out===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 12:42 am 
Subject: .....

Christian-

I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your [[Chris and psychology|behavior has irritated me]] for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]] because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is [[Fuck Quest|sexual harrassment]] to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.

Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.

And I don't like your [[Megan Shrine|"Megan Obsession"]] I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in [[Soul Calibur|Soulcalibur]] and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.

With all that said, we're down to two options: 
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. 
-or- 
B: Never see me again

I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.

I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.

Please listen to me next time 
~Megan}}

===Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 2:51:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: OUCH....My Heart...

Megan, sweetie, [[List of Chris's lies|I NEVER said anything about you being my "girlfriend"]]; in the video, I said, "The only song I know is 'Master Onion' which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend, Megan. I truly care about your feelings, and I am 500 times sorry... :_( I meant what all I did when I talk about you to be complimentive and flattering, not the contrary. I was only trying to make you happy.

I NEVER meant any [[Chris and rape|"sexual harrassment"]]; granted that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|I have had one or two fantasies before]], but I sincerely would NEVER intentionally do anything of the sort to you without your consent. You mean SOOOOOO much to me... As youu are aware, I'm guessing, I do not have many [[gal pal|gal-pals]] in or around [[Charlottesville]], and I treasure having you in my life, and as my closest, sweetest friend I could ever have in this one-hores, [[Virgina is for Virgins|VIRGIN-ONLY STATE]]. If I lost you... it would [[Heart level|TOTALLY SHATTER my heart]], my soul, my being. I CAN NOT AFFOARD to lose you; I need you. Having you in my life, and as my gal-pal, is essentally wkat keeps me from reverting to a sad, lonely, depressed, apocolyptic state, like I have expierenced before when that witch of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], SHATTERED MY HEART AND SOUL when I was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE]], caring, [[Tobacky|smoke-free]], [[Alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to be my friend, and over time maybe grow into a [[sweetheart|SWEETHEART]]. Even right now, as I type this E-mail, I feel like I have been torn vertically into two, and I am typing on a keyboard that has been turned upwardly crooked from being banged against a raised knee... It really hurts...

I will remove the video from the [[internet]] soon as per your request, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want you and me to still be friends. And as much as I truly understand how you feel about romance and love, I can't deny the feelings in my heart... I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH; I would look at our [[Chris and religion|sacred photo]] every night, and I would feee soooo much happier, because I have you as my one-and-only, single-solitary, once-in-a-lifetime-like, gal-pal. And I would wonder how you were getting along and faring in Kentucky, and I would hope to get to see you again in front of me soon... Megan... [[Love Quest|I love ou]].

I gotta go.

Faithfully yours; Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Chris begs Megan not to leave him===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 11:55 am 
Subject: Hey.

I took care of the video; I edited the original video by removing the pic, then I uploaded the new to repace the old. So your face is not in there anymore.

I was depressed ALL DAY from those harsh words, but I'm not blaming you. I can only guess something unexpected happened that wasn't in favor. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Please don't leave me, Sweet Friend, Megan.

Faithfully yours;

Chris Chan.}}

===Chris says he's not angry or jealous of Adam Stackhouse anymore===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 3:46 pm 
Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the [[Chris and Anger|burst of anger]]. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful [[rainbow]] as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

I hope to see you again soon. <3<3<3<3

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. :)}}

===Chris continues to beg Megan not to leave===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 8:27:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because [[Heart level|my heart was hit so bad]], that it [[Sex doll|sprung a leak]]... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the [[Adam Stackhouse|rule-violating winner]], for my lonely, [[Chris and sex|wandering hands]] wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this [[Autism|cursed Autistic life]]. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

[[Virgin with rage|I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder]], you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING [[Love Quest]], you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to [[the Game Place]].

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

===Chris talks about another contest and his ENDURING LOVE QUEST===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, Megan 
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:09 pm 
Attachments: Patti-Chan_Folklore_plus_details.jpg (238K), Patti-Chan_Folklore.jpg (111K)

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it was truly good to see that you all got back safe from Kentucky...I truly did miss you. Also it is a weight off my shoulders to hear from you that we are still good friends.

Anyhoo, how did John do in his Mechanics class; what was his grade and such? How was your stay in Kentucky? And have you been practicing your [[Guitar]] skills on your PS2? *I hope you got better. :)

Also, a few weeks ago, I learned about the Folklore Create-A-Creature contest on the Playstation website; make up a unique creature suitable for the Fantasy world of the upcoming [[PS3]] game, write up the details of the character and send in the .jpg file. Five will be chosen, among whom will win a copy of the PS3 game and a matching artwork book, and Only One will be programmed into a upcoming Downloable-from-the-Playstation-Store Add-On where the creature will be catchable and playable in the game. Simply put, I sent in [[Patti-Chan]] (see image below). Speaking of [[Patti]], cute-like story, it was June 27, 2007, the date of the first year anniversary since her [[Chris and English|accent]] to heaven. On that date, neither of us realizing the anniversary yet, but my mother talked about going to the local SPCA building and adopting a new dog. That night, I realized it upon a Random Remembering, and I cried for a while, so did my mother after I had informed her. But we did realize that we talked about adopting a new dog on the date of the first anniversary. Bless her soul.

Well, like I said, I will be returing to the [[University of Virginia|UVA's Alderman Library]] twice a week starting Sept. 4 to resume my Sweetheart Search (AKA [[Love Quest]]). *sigh* It will be lonely, torturing and enduring like it has been in the past, but I have my dream of a lil' [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. And the movies and games on my PSP will give me something else to think about as I go back to wishin', hopin', and prayin' to be found by an "18-25-Year Old, caring, sweet, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl" (hopefully a virgin) "to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up". And at the end of each lonely wait, I will quote my old [[random access humor|joke]] of a commercial, "Call Right Now, and we'll send you a Beautiful Girlfriend FREE". Then I will pretend to call RIGHT NOW, and always get BUPKIS. *sigh* Whatever.

One more thing, while I'm thinking about it, are you finished with the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Ranger|Pok'emon Ranger]] DS game yet, because I still remember our deal?

Well, take care you all; I'll see you all again next Friday.

Your Friend; Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 5:37 pm

That's odd...according to my yahoo sent items folder it was sent. 
It pretty much said how I had all the unwanted cards. And I am looking for 3 cards now since you somehow figured out Revenant was on that list as well. Dang you're good! The [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS cards]] I'm looking for are these: Manas & Ayas (note I think the card spells it "Ayus" which is different from the game's spelling) It's from the first SC expansion Voldo (from the first exp. 4 dots, standing upright, arms crossed) Voldo (a promo card, back facing us, butt visible, the image is an official namco drawing) And I'm also really looking for ANYTHING on the StreetFighter character [[Wikipedia:Vega (Street Fighter)|Vega]]. And one more thing, a Promo card of R. Mika. (I think the picture- she has her arms in the air.) And that's it. I hope you get lucky! Not saying you would but please don't start a R.Mika deck...I worked hard and hate being copied. You stick with the Greek Girls!

I also said how I'm doing a major room clean and can give you things I don't want. I'm still finding more stuff but so far I have: 
Absolute Boyfriend poster 
figurine of Primera from the series [[Wikipedia:Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle|Tsubasa Chronicle]] 
[[Wikipedia:Tokyo Boys & Girls|Tokyo Boys and Girls]] vol.1 (manga) 
[[Wikipedia:Someday's Dreamers|Someday's Dreamers: Spellbound]] vol.1 (manga) 
a [[My Little Pony]] badge/button/pin thing 
Some more extra [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] cards

I'm sure I'll find more stuff, let me know if you want any and all of the above. In exchange for whatever cards you find or something Still haven't played SCIII <nowiki>*sigh</nowiki>...I'll get around to it soon...

Let me know and thanks!

~Megan

PS I also said thank you for finally understanding and giving me space and toning down your affections. Even so I also said that you are still my good friend and take everything you've given me and done with great appreciation.}}

===Chris talks about cards and how lonely he is===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 11:24 pm 
Okay, here's the summary:

UFS SC Set 1 FOIL UR SR Manas & Ayas 
UFS New UR SR Promo Foil R Mika 
From same Vendor for total of $8.25 
UFS Street Fighter Vega SF02 092/126 
From another Vendor for a total of $4 
UFS Street Fighter VEGA'S CLAW SF02...096/126 Rare 
From another for a total of $3.99 
UFS Street Fighter FOIL Vega SF1P****06/12 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC3P****14/16 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC01****091/143 URARE 
From Paladin Game and Hobbies for a total of $10.72

Which totals to (rounded up) $27, and with the $4 from Revenants, that makes it $31. Although I would feel better with a total cash settlement (or installments totaling to), I will take off $18 for your listed merchandise in your recent e-mail, taking the total down to $13. Also, for your information, you have mentioned the Revenant card in your e-mail from your Yahoo address you sent on the 30th of Sept. And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still [[Mass debating|silently calling]] for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry. 
Anyhoo, I will let you know of any updates, or I will read your reply.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan also talks about cards===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 10:53 am

Thank you very much. I will bring you the 13$ and merchandise this friday. Thank you for finding these cards I never find what I'm looking for too often.

I will also bring the lot of girl cards and I hope to find the rest of the cassandras as well. Can you list me the holos you have and I'll tell you ahead what I'm interested in. Only list what you're willing to trade. And when you list found/act/attk please write beside- the character they go with like Despair-Voldo. 
Thanks so much again! See you soon!

~Megan}}
===Chris talks about Crocs and how he was kicked out of the library for soliciting sex===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Just wanted to warn John... 
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 8:37 pm

I've just learned on the [[Wikipedia:John_Tesh#John_Tesh_Radio_Show|John Tesh Radio Show]] that people who wear [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Croc Shoes]] on escelators are having their toes, toenails gnashed, torn off or worse. If he is in an area where there is an escelator, encourage him to use an elevator or stairs.

I have not received the cards yet, nor have I been able to get that second [[Wikipedia:Manaphy#Manaphy|Manaphy]] egg yet. I've had a surprise Tuesday while I was sittin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]] (waitin' to be found by a Boyfriend-Free girl). Some old hag and her bodyguard approached me and made it obvious that it was verbodden to find True Love there. Who did she think she was; the wife of the Pope? I disregarded her intrusion, but I am cautious about the possibility of another clash of battle, like in the past with that Witch of [[PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], that [[Jerkief]] at [[Fashion Square]] and the [[Manajerks]] at [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]]. Unlike Tuesday and the previous events, I am much saltier than I was.

I will never fall for the FALSE Law of True Love searching and sharing being illegal in the State of Virginia, or in short "[[Virginia is for Virgins]]," nor will I quit chillin' at the Library's Lounge Tuesdays and Thursdays with a printed advertisement in the neighborhood.

But I digress. I will see you at the Game Place tomorrow.

Take Care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: I'm sorry... <nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a [[homos|homo]]. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation. I've seen [[Wikipedia:Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina|the episode]] of "[[South Park]]" where [[Wikipedia:Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] had that operation; they showed the [[Nudes|gruesome details]]. ugh...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and e motional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my [[Autism]] is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.}}

===Megan had it worse in school===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: ok 
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 5:18 pm

Ok, thanks for the reassurance. Yes I can understand your lonliness because I was the same way...worse maybe. I mean you actually had friends through school. I didn't have any friends at all. I was treated very badly by everyone. To the point where I had to drop out and graduate through homeschool.

I still want you to know that you are still my friend. And I am grateful for everything you've done. When I look through my huge book of Sailormoon cards, I'm almost to tears because YOU were the reason it has grown into a magnificent collection! :) I appreciate everything you've done and given me. Thank you.

I'm still not interested in marriage though. It's not my style. ;)

Well hopefully things will work out now. 
And let me know if there was anything you wanted for the foil [[Wikipedia:Street Fighter Alpha 3|R. Mika]] cards you have. I even have extra commons for her if you're interested. 
Talk to you later 
You take care and feel better soon. 
haha I'm still shy about his affections though! I'm like, ok, I'm on his lap, what do I do? hahaha 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, I'm cool. 
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 9:25 pm

Yeah, I'm mostly over what happened Friday. But I have a single quandry to ask, and I would appreciate an [[Honest Content|honest answer]], please. Did Christopher ask you to sit on his lap, or what incentive gave you reason to do that? Please reply with an honest answer.

Other note, I picked up a couple of blank [[wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS League cards]] for you and John to sign your names on; I'll give them to you two Friday. No tournament happened earlier; not enough people.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is scared of some fanart===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 11:50:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Megan, I've had so much to worry about today

The Good News though is that I've had more fans for Sonichu than I thought. Now the worse to bad...

I got this [[Evan|E-Mail]] earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.") I sent him a reply with respective [[Masturbating and squirtin'|criticism]]. I WAS INFURIATED!!!

Then later, I learn from an anonymous tipster about this girl'ss profile page on [[deviantART]], while she has good and fun fanart of Sonichu, SHE IS TAKING THE CREDIT, AND PLACING A FAKE COPYRIGHT, 2007 WITH HER NAME ON IT!!! You, Me, and the rest of the Sonichu Fan Club know that Sonichu Was Born On MARCH, 17, 2000 (Y2K). I sent her a message requesting her to remover her claim of copyright with a warning of Legal Actions.

All the images are attached to this e-mail, or I can show them to you on my PSP later. =0 A I just needed to get that off my head and heart, since my mom fell asleep on me at the moment.

Okay, I'll see you hopefully at the UFS Tournament. Also, don't forget to set your clocks one hour back this weekend.

Take care; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris talks about cards and mentions Lori===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net Cc: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 2:45:14 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Just to let you know...

Hey, Megan. It became kind of a ghost-town at the Game Place last Friday; most of the children left. It's too bad you didn't make it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got a Piplup and Turtwig through SUCCESSFUL Trades through the [[wikipedia:Global Trade Station|GTS (Wi-Fi)]]. Also, have you or John gone underground with the Explorers' Kit? I found 4 Skull Fossils, so I have 3 extra Craniados; if I don't get one through the GTS by the Friday after Thanksgiving (NO LEAGUE this coming Friday), I need the other fossil Pokemon of the Diamond/Pearl Generation (the one that evolves into Bastiedon). I will trade you or John a Craniados for that Fossil Pokemon. One more thing, please Show me a Palkia in my Diamond game, so I can try to get one through the GTS.

That's about it for now. Please reply ASAP.

Take care; Chris Chan.

P.S. This is [[Lori Lopez|Lori]]; the girl my buddy [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] is hooking me up with. She had it done at JMU; that's why it has her name on it.}}

===Megan is curious===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:05 am

Well I'm not too far with Pearl but John has a lot of Pokemon. Have you met this girl yet? Well I hope it goes well for you. Let me know how it goes! I forgot to ask last night but could you find out if there will be UFS this coming sunday? Thanks!

Bye bye 
~Megan}}
===Chris really likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 2:17 pm

I'll be meeting [[Lori Lopez|Lori]] soon. I've traded a LV.20 Male Burmy for a Shieldon over the GTS, so I'm good on the fossils for now. Not this coming Sunday; it's Thanksgiving Weekend; No Pokemon this week either. Thank you for replying and letting meknow. Please work on getting that Palkia, so I can have my character see it, so I can find it through the GTS. I will likely start the Ranger adventure again so I can get my own Manaphy. BTW, try Manaphy and Ditto at the Day Care; my Player's Guide says there's a non-evolving baby Manaphy to be hatched from that combination.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan asks him for Nazi music or something===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: Christian Chandler <cwcsonichu@aol.com> 
Subject: one more favor? 
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:08 pm

Hey, I hope things go well between you and Lori.

Hope it's not a problem but I have ONE more request from [http://sailormusic.net/ Sailormusic.net]. I was going to download the ogg.vorbis thing but it didn't work...

On the international Albums could you please save all the German stuff for me please? I think each link is compressed file of several songs. Would that be ok with you? I would really like them and can't find them anywhere else...

Thanks again, I'll remember to bring Pokemon next time 
PS is it possible to save them and maybe email me the converted files? 
~Megan}}

===Chris is boring and still likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com Cc: polizeigewalt@aim.com 
Sent: Tue, 18 Dec 2007 8:42:27 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hey, Megan.

Just a reminder; please reply if otherwise, but please don't forget my [[wikipedia:Memory Stick#Memory Stick Duo|Memory Stick Duo]], as well as yours and John's Pokemon Diamond/Pearl games and DS Systems for when I meet you all at The End tomorrow.

I will be sure to come with my Wii and Pokemon Battle Revolution and my [[wikipedia:Datel Action Replay|Action Replay DS]] accessory.

I will check my e-mail tomorrow in the afternoon for your reply.

Take care, and see you all tomorrow. Chris Chan.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:20070807a-Meg-Piss Off.PNG
Image:Megan 07-10-20-1.PNG
Image:Megan_07-10-20-2.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Chris and reality

2013-07-04T04:13:26Z

TrammatPusher: one of the most trite, meaningless statements ever written - "Chris's problems with accepting reality stem from his tendency to reject reality"

[[File:Hi5.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|And this.]]
{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s understandable response to the above}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. More than likely because he barely leaves his room. Quite a bit of his sketchy world-view can be attributed to his [[autism]], as people with autism generally have troubles with distinguishing reality and fantasy, and therefore have a harder time with being critical towards and distancing themselves from events and ideas depicted in any fictional media, be it books, films, cartoons or video games. Because of these difficulties, autistics are also easier to manipulate and deceive, especially by sources they trust, like [[Bob|their]] [[Barb|parents]] and the [[TV]], and are as a result very impressionable when it comes to commercials and [[100 2178|conspiracy theories]].

Chris often denies facts and will quickly retreat into his realm of fantasy, often to avoid [[stress]] when faced with the realization that he has been defeated, cheated or outwitted, as these instances are usually a result of his own stupidity or stubbornness, flaws which Chris will never [[Chris and his Ego|ever]] admit to possessing.

==Fantasy and fiction==
{{quote|You think that comic character wouldn't have its own thoughts and feelings?|Chris}}
{{quote|NO!|[[Alec Benson Leary]]}}
{{quote|You are [[naïve]].|Chris<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref>}}
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its Mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

Chris believes that CWCville, as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'']] as a model. In his opinion, anyone who does not accept this thinking is "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> He even claims to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea. Most likely, he defends this belief because he has accomplished and produced virtually nothing worthwhile in his life, and he therefore likes to pretend that he has made a positive impact on something, if only on a metaphysical level. It may also be noted that Toon World is the name of a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card, proving even further that Chris has no originality what so ever.

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be his or her father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. This is how various events (both major and minor) such as Sonichu and Rosechu's wedding, the birth of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|their children]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Sonichu_and_Rosechu_from_1998_to_Today Sonichu Page on CWCipedia</ref> [[Kel]]'s romance with [[Naitsirhc]],<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#First_Encounter_with_Naitsirhc</ref> and even [[Bubbles]] and [[Blake]]'s wedding<ref>[[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.286:02_to_9:34.29 I Am The TRUE, ORIGINAL CCWC]]</ref> are said to actually happen "off-screen", instead of just being a [[Chris and writing|spur-of-the-moment introduction of a throwaway plot element]] that Chris is [[stress|too lazy to depict]]. Without prior explanation, Chris makes a "spoiler" in his own comic that [[Magi-Chan]] will eventually get together with [[Silvana]], implying that in Chris's head that this already "happened".<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_37 Issue 10 Page 37</ref> It is [[Slaweel Ryam]], not Chris, who apologizes for slandering [[Mary Lee Walsh]].<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>

Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville to be canon, and feels it necessary to explain away undesirable changes to CWCville made as a result of outside influences (e.g. [[BILLY MAYS]] as Mayor). The fact that he needs to explain this in his comic pages shows that he assumes everyone else shares this belief as well. Despite being protective of his own work, he [[Chris and hypocrisy|forces others]] to accept the "corrections" he has made to their work.

==Real Life==
{{Quote|A CAR WEIGHS A LOT MORE THAN 10 TONS|Chris pro tip: most cars weigh two or three tons<ref>[[Mailbag 9]]</ref>}}
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor, such his exaggeration of a [[11042009 51 50|12-pack of canned lemonade for 50 lbs]]. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], which is common with [[autism]], where the sufferer has no comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. But this tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth.

When asked by [[Evan]] to remove [[Simonla]] from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character [[Simonchu]] and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with [[Asperger syndrome]] "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," he still thinks that to believe otherwise is to "conform to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he talks about his status as the Cwcville [[Pokémon]] gym leader, then goes on to suggest that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Poké Ball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the Gamecube memory card. He expects this peripheral to be able to read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and be used to challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral (in a manner much like on ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'').

During a 2004 confrontation with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Chris began to converse with thin air, pretending that Sonichu was in the office with him.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref><ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> At one point, Chris began to pretend that he ''was'' Sonichu and started giving a speech that he said that "Sonichu" wanted to give to Mary, which explains why Mary ordered him to see a psychiatrist. Chris also, usually before crashing into slumber, pretends to converse with Sonichu and Rosechu, at one point claiming that the pair offered him relationship advice.<ref name="Jackie e 16" /> Whether or not he converses with the other characters is unknown at the moment.

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own autistic way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''[[Wikipedia:Avatar (film)|Avatar]]'' was meant to promote the eradication of homosexuality rather than the tolerance of other cultures.<ref>When Chris edited [[Mailbag 23]], he [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_23&oldid=5987 inserted into the article an ad for ''Avatar''] and wrote a caption under it saying the movie promotes heterosexuality. This ad was later on removed by the sysop.</ref> Where he got this idea is a mystery, as homosexuality is not once mentioned in the film. His fear of homosexuals destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of ''[[South Park]]'' called "[[Wikipedia:Goobacks|Goobacks]]", which was a satire on the controversy of illegal immigration. In the episode, a group of rednecks who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''[[Wikipedia:Red Dawn|Red Dawn]]''. And of course, Chris is convinced that ''[[Family Guy]]'' is made by the staunchest, most religious Republican in the world, when in reality it's made by a pro-gay rights, liberal atheist.

Chris rarely understands any moral dispensed by television. When he does take one, it's because he's decided that it can be used to justify whatever tomfoolery he's been up to. Unsurprisingly, Chris often misses the original point completely. For example, while attempting to justify his attempt to pretend to be [[Liquid Chris]] in an attempt to steal his girlfriend, he claimed that he was "Wrong, but for the right reasons."<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref> This comes from another episode of ''South Park'' called "[[Wikipedia:Best Friends Forever|Best Friends Forever]]", where, after a satire of the [[Wikipedia:Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo]] controversy, it is stated that Cartman was "Right, but for the wrong reasons". In context, it meant that his goal of shutting down the vegetative Kenny's life support was the right thing to do (for reasons involving the fate of the universe that are too complex to explain here), but his motivation was completely off mark: he only did it because he knew that Kenny's death would cause him to inherit his [[PSP]]. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle were "Wrong, but for the right reasons", as they wanted to keep Kenny alive in a perpetual vegetative state even though they should just let him die, but they were doing so because they actually cared about Kenny, rather than exploiting the situation for their own benefit like Cartman was. Chris seems to have interpreted this as "If you do a bunch of bad things, like pretending to be someone else in order to steal their girlfriend, you are completely justified in doing so if your dishonest actions lead to a positive outcome, like proving that you are the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and getting laid".

Unsurprisingly, Chris can come across as pretty delusional when he expects to be taken seriously. On the 28th April, 2012, for example, he made an empty threat to the CWCki forum about hunting down each of its members, claiming to know where each of them lives. He did this in an attempt to intimidate the trolls. Even if one was to gloss over the fact that he couldn't even [[Shigeru Miyamoto|cough up $800 to travel to Redmond to see his dreams come true]] (and it should be noted that there are trolls all over America, if not the world), there's a high chance that there will only be one [[Kick the Autistic|outcome]] of Chris actively pursuing his trolls with the purpose of doing harm to them. All things considered, Chris ends up making himself even more of a laughing stock in the process.

==Chris and magic==
{{See also|Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|l1=Chris the Shaman}}

[[Image:ChrisFacebookCommentOnPsychicPowers.png|thumb|right|Chris believes he has psychic powers that can inflict harm on his enemies.]]
Through Chris's perception of [[God]] as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref><ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref><ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred personal relic of the day — either the [[Medallion of Fail]] or [[Amnyfest Ring]].

Chris also appears to believe that he can [[Sarah May Skype Logs|talk to dead people]], to an extent. He told [[Sarah May]] that when he touched his dead [[Aunt Corrina]]'s hand, he could hear her spirit, along with the spirits of his grandparents and great-grandparents. He also claimed that [[Godjesus|God and Jesus]] also told him to "make the trip and go to Julie." It's unclear at this point whether these visions are the result of his mental problems, or just an excuse for him to do what he wants to do by justifying his actions as the result of supernatural phenomenon.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This gives Chris a belief of some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an immature defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> Anyone who hinders Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "[[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal]]," either in Virginia or nationwide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

Chris's tendencies towards these sorts of thoughts may spiral back to two people: [[Bob Chandler|Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. A phone call between his parents and [[Matthew Noble call|a GAMe PLACe employee]] revealed a number of things, most importantly that they believe Chris's entire trolling began as a conspiracy between [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]] and a number of potential homosexuals to "terrorize", "torment", and "persecute" Chris for being autistic, going so far as to believe they broke into Chris's credit card account and tried to [[Chris and money|ruin his credit]].

When Chris was active on the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum, Chris revealed that he shares his parent's ridiculous beliefs about the GAMe PLACe's position in troll hierarchy. Most notably, he claimed that Michael Snyder was hiding a criminal scandal because the owner of the Place (as well as three other associated hobby stores) is a convicted sex offender. He also tried to argue that the store itself is in violation of the law, simply because it is close to a public school and owned by a sex offender who is never actually there. Ironically enough, acting like a sex offender is one of the many things that got Chris banned from the store in the first place.

Chris would eventually accuse Michael Snyder himself of being a child molester, going so far as to accuse him of molesting his own daughter. In case you've forgotten, Snyder once chased Chris down after he (unintentionally) took candid photographs of the same daughter Chris accused him of molesting.

The most telling of Chris' belief that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a 'damn dirty troll' is the case of his [[White knight|White Knights]]. Despite several of them trying to do things like offer constructive critique on his [[Chris and art|art]], warn Chris of [[Julie|potential trolling attempts]] and even plead with him to seek help, they have all fallen on deaf ears. There have even been cases where [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Father Call|themselves]] [[Alec Benson Leary|would]] point out what Chris is doing wrong in life. As far as Chris himself is concerned, this is a case of people telling him what he doesn't want to hear, and so must be disregarded since they're obviously trolls who are getting in the way of what he wants.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Chris and health

2013-07-04T04:08:55Z

TrammatPusher: /* Mental health */ remove more heavy-handed moralizing & redundancy ("what debilitates Chris even more than his autism is... [a symptom of autism]", no shit)

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food-lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself four or five days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7|Kacey Call #7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris remaining a [[virgin]] until very recently, and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Whether or not Chris's encounter with a prostitute will affect his self-perception and maturity has yet to be seen. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which means that Chris may soon be forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "Counselor"]]), or risk being imprisoned.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He didn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Chris and health

2013-07-04T04:05:22Z

TrammatPusher: /* Vision */ remove naive idiocy (glasses only "correct" your vision as long as you're wearing them) and heavy-handed moralizing from some random a-logger

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; Walking or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to bathe, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food-lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to four times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself four or five days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cook books.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[Coca-Cola|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Eat out with family (fast food) or poorly cooked/microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[Dirty crapped briefs|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|ramming stuff in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7|Kacey Call #7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[Manchester High School|high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[video games]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could defeat both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should it to come to blows, and as such has challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 km) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas with a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris marinates in his own filth.]]

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for as long as a week at a stretch. The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his low quality videos. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his hair, which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

{{clear}}

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up that it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being—he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

His social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits trace back to his inept parents, who spoil him and tell him life will be all sugar and [[rainbow]]s. It is quite possible that Chris doesn't feel like his life has truly begun, that he is still in the "pre-adult" years—this could be related to Chris remaining a [[virgin]] until very recently, and a possible belief, subconscious or otherwise, that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he has sex. Whether or not Chris's encounter with a prostitute will affect his self-perception and maturity has yet to be seen. Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world, as well as basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy and humility. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internets), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Many people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which means that Chris may soon be forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "Counselor"]]), or risk being imprisioned.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, more important, things on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref>

:'''SPOILER ALERT:''' He didn't have any for [[virgin with rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

ShecameforCWC.JPG

2013-07-03T21:12:40Z

TrammatPusher: /* Analysis */ that's not what "one-time ___" means, & snip out random spergin' about porn - link to WP should suffice

{{quote|And by the way, that is not [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] whose eyes are censored; that is [[Megan]]!|Chris, [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]}}

[[File:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|"Your sister has cum for me"]]

'''ShecameforCWC.JPG''' is a [[Rule 34]] picture that [[Chris]] drew as part of a campaign to fight the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] by "replacing negativity with positivity."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref> Arguably the most controversial of all of Chris's artistic canon, this single image managed to invoke so much drama it ruined the closest relationship with a human being he has ever had - his friendship with [[Megan Schroeder]].

At first, people believed the picture to be of his imaginary twin sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], until Chris edited the article to confirm that it was in fact Megan.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on the 18th March, 2008.]]</ref> He also angrily decried these scurrilous rumors in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|an Internet video]], shouting that it was Megan. While this is less disturbing than Chris wanting to have an incestuous relation with his own fictitious twin sister, it is notably creepy that it is of his only friend, with whom he had no romantic or sexual relationship.

==Background==
When Chris first discovered the ED page, he was disturbed by the number of [[pickle|pickles]] on the site. Using his powers of [[autism]] logic, Chris decided that the best response would be to replace these images with images of things that Chris likes, hence "replacing negativity with positivity."

On 11 November [[2007]], Chris uploaded several new, original images to ED, including ShecameforCWC.JPG. All were varying degrees of horrifying, but ShecameforCWC.JPG proved to be the most controversial, leaving [[trolls]] in total shock.

==Analysis==
[[File:ShecameforCWCanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomy analysis]]

The drawing fails in so many ways that it manages to capture the true essence of fail that is Chris:

*The [[Chris and art|artistic skills]] of an eight-year-old; depth perception and proportion are nonexistent. She looks as flat as the paper upon which she was drawn.
*A complete unfamiliarity with the female anatomy (the [[China|vagina]] is not one long hole and you could never do that sort of thing with a real vagina, looking like that).
*Megan's body lacks all curves whatsoever. Chris should probably start paying better attention to women in porn, as then he would know that girls' waists nip in, thus making the hips appear more pronounced, instead of being straight up and down [[Pedofork|like a little boy]].
*Unfamiliarity with human anatomy in general. Megan's legs seem to start right at the groin while her hips are directly behind them. Her right hand seems to be permanently stuck doing the [[Wikipedia:Vulcan salute|Vulcan salute]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|Star Trek]]''. Also, it looks like neither Chris nor Megan have elbows, joints or even bones for that matter. What is supposed to be her foot looks like a deformed flipper.
*Chris is somehow reaching over his left shoulder with his right hand despite the fact that his elbow remains near his side, creating an effect straight out of [[Wikipedia:M. C. Escher|M. C. Escher]]'s darkest nightmares.
*Megan's right nipple looks at first to be a sixth finger, suggesting that Chris messed up (more than usual) while drawing the hand and decided to turn it into a nipple.
*The [[China|vagina]] in question appears to be either glowing or shooting out a powerful gust of wind. Chris probably meant to convey that Megan was "wet" and/or "[[Masturbating and squirtin'|squirtin']]," but due to his own stupidity he drew her "[[Wikipedia:Female ejaculate|cum]]" around and outside the vagina instead of coming from inside it, leading to the "Glowing Ethereal Cunt of the Ages" effect shown in the picture. Also, pussy juice is not blue.
*Megan's pubic hair, which was probably supposed to be a [[Wikipedia:Landing strip (pubic hair)|landing strip]], in this drawing bears a slight resemblance to [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s mustache (coincidentally, Megan had a fetish for German soldiers, which Chris wouldn't realize anyway). It is also quite far up on her body, and looks like some kind of messed-up [[Wikipedia:Abdominal hair|happy trail]] instead of pubic hair.
*Close attention to the parts that interest Chris, namely [[China|genitalia]] and breasts, yet a tiny head he had to squeeze in, most likely because he started with the former and realized "Oh, she needs a face."
*In contrast, Chris pays close attention to his [[Medallion of Fail]], his [[heterochromia]], etc.
*Not only a retarded pun, a reinforcement of Chris's narcissism, that when a woman orgasms, it's for his sake and not her own pleasure (as he titled it "''She''came''For''CWC", emphasis added). Plus, a smug look on his face as he gives a thumbs up while fingering her seals the deal.
*He's wearing his [[Sonichu medallion]] while fingering a woman. He stated that ideally, he'd like to be wearing his medallion for his first time.<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#My first time|Chris Sex Logs]]</ref>
*The fact that this is his best and only friend, Megan, and he sees nothing wrong with it other than the fact that it's on the Internet where she can see it.

==Motivation==
Chris apparently thought that uploading pictures of vaginas would counter-act the homosexuality prevalent on the ED page.<ref>Megan emails, 2008
</ref> He posted pornographic drawings of several shippings from the comics, which happened to include him and Megan. He and Megan had some sort of self-fulfillment relationship in the comics, so we can assume Chris was imagining this from the very beginning.

==Drama==
===With ED===
When Chris first uploaded the image to ED, he captioned it "Your sister has cum for me." Exactly what he meant here is disputed, but it had the unintended effect of leading ED's users to widely conclude that the picture represented ''Chris's'' sister, the fictional character [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]]. ([[Chris and art|Given the nature of Chris’s artwork, any two females with long brown hair are easily mistaken for each other]].)

Over the next few months, the image was removed and replaced a few times over the course of Chris's simmering edit war against ED. It didn’t become a serious hot potato until [[March 2008]], however, when [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] discovered the picture and learned that it was meant to be a picture of her. (Chris, not realizing that it would probably be better to cut his losses and let the trolls believe that he wanted to screw his imaginary sister, spilled the beans himself.) In between bombarding Megan with apologies via e-mail, he went on a desperate campaign to remove the image from his ED page.

Chris spent most of a week trying to remove the image, trying to delete references to Megan from the article, trying to erase random bits of the article in order to camouflage his real intentions, and otherwise failing to realize that once something goes up on a wiki, you can’t make it come back down. Amazingly, he even tried to replace the image with a [[:File:TomTomCloseup.jpg|cropped version]] which just involved the vagina, as though Megan were only angry about her and Chris's facial features being depicted and would be satisfied if the image just showed his hand disappearing up her radiant quim. ED admins quickly reverted his edits and eventually protected the page once it was obvious that Chris was up to something.

On 18 March, Chris admitted defeat in his own disturbing way, and edited the image’s caption — as well as several other captions around the article — to make it clear that the woman depicted is Megan, not Crystal. Over the next few days, he made a number of other self-deprecating and self-pitying changes and additions to the page, including the "[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]" series of images, before giving up on editing ED for six months.

===With Megan===
In early spring [[2008]], Chris’s relationship with Megan had gone relatively smoothly for some time. However, on 4 March, she sent him a seemingly innocuous message, sharing some friendly news...and also asking that Chris remove any references to her from his websites.

By 12 March, Megan had discovered the full extent of what Chris had written and drawn about her around the Internet, and particularly the fact that she'd starred in his cartoon fantasy porn. (At some point, according to [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], the image was also discovered by Megan's fellow customers at [[The GAMe PLACe]].) While failing to get the image off the ED page over the next several days, Chris sent her a series of messages trying to put out the fire.

Some of his attempts to "explain" the image to Megan are downright bizarre. It's hard to do justice to the [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Chris_apologizes_for_something.2C_what_could_it_be.3F|original e-mails]]. At one point he seemed to think Megan was offended because she didn't understand the act on display, and went off on a frighteningly awkward explanation of what a handjob is. In another e-mail, Chris confirmed the suspicion of many trolls — that he had entertained thoughts of sexually assaulting Megan.

{{quote|If I didn't have the foresight to put my pent-up frustrations and feelings in the form of something, I might have become an abusive maniac...|Chris, [[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris_continues_bothering_her_about_ED|e-mail to Megan, 18 March 2008]]}}

Generally, Chris's "apologies" are a classic display of his insensitivity and awesome narcissism in action. He shows little remorse for creating and publishing the image while offering plenty of woe-is-me whining about the bullies from ED. In a message from 18 March, he actually had the gall to tell Megan that no matter how bad she might be feeling, he himself has definitely got it worse.

After sending several messages and receiving little in the way of response from Megan, Chris appears to have given up on winning back her trust, which coincides with the slackening of his campaign to remove the image from ED and the increasingly self-hating tone of his edits there. On 23 March, Megan finally sent him two brief replies to the effect of "leave me alone." Those mark the end of the active drama over the image. Chris stopped editing ED around the same time.

As a coda to the fiasco, Chris tried once more to repair his relationship with Megan about a month later, sending a message with a mix of everyday news and creepy stalkerish longing. Given some time to consider the implications of his earlier messages, especially the parts where he brought up the prospect of raping her, Megan slammed the door shut, saying "I'm afraid I can't trust you anymore." This remains their last known communication.

==Today==
[[File:Crumple-lope.jpg|right|thumb|The envelope.]]

{{quote|It was Wishful Thinking.|Chris, describing his motive for drawing ShecameforCWC, [[Rejected Mailbag]]}}

Christian's remorse turned out, not surprisingly, to be fake as he went and reuploaded the picture for his sleazy [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], citing the fact he needed "sexy images".<ref>[[Mumble 9.5|Mumble Chat 9.5]]</ref> The pain he caused a female friend means nothing compared to his lust for e-fame. The original drawing itself is said to be ripped up and stored in a [[CWC-isms|"Crumple-Lope"]]. <ref>[[Mumble 3|Mumble Chat 3]]</ref>

{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] - Chris graduates from a handjob to an all-out rockstar orgy. His drawing style hasn't improved.
== Sources ==
<references />
{{MeganSaga}}
[[Category:Rule 34]]
[[Category:Megan Saga]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]

Fap cup

2013-07-03T18:37:42Z

TrammatPusher: create as redirect

#REDIRECT [[Fapcup]]

A-Logs

2013-04-23T16:05:07Z

TrammatPusher: /* Chris's racism and homophobia */ maybe by white people who spend too much time on Tumblr, I guess

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto was a YouTube commentator known for his commentaries on Chris's videos and harshly criticizing Chris while having many faults similar to Chris himself.]]
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question, the title and thumbnail is quite enough, thank you very much.]]

{{quote|What Saddam did in the Gulf War was potatoes to what [[Chris-Chan|Chris]] has done.|A-Log, and an example of A-Logging}}

{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging" and not about the person A-Log, so stop putting too many A-Log references until this turns into an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article about A-Log himself.}}

'''A-Logging''' is a term used to describe the practice of those who follow Chris who wish to inflict harm upon him, often physical, and often for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. Those who follow this practice are known as '''A-Logs'''. A-Logs are an opposite extreme to [[white knights]], whereas white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is beneath contempt and deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to and then some. While once fashionable, it has become a view associated with people who wish to "trollshield" themselves, and therefore is looked down upon by the greater CWC community.

The term originates from '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', a [[YouTube]] commentator who is known for providing commentary on Chris's videos, and often goes on about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) and wishes harm to be inflicted on him. However, A-Log is notorious for being known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because of his poorly-written erotic fanfiction, his radio show, his awkward interviews at WolfDork.com etc. It was this practice, among other things (including his own similarities to Chris himself), that led to A-Log becoming a trolling subject himself, and the inspiration of this very page.

==Motivations==
There are a few motivations which are common in A-Logs, as they are the motivations behind the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. As a result, some people justify trolling him by arguing that he ''is'', in fact, a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. One common argument is that "Chris gives [[autism|autistics]] a bad name." Others will appeal to his [[Chris and race|debatable racism]], [[homos|homophobia]], or [[Women's rights|sexism]] as excuses to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

===Trollshielding===
Often times, those who "A-Log" do so to "trollshield" or avoid becoming troll victims as well. These people tend to have many traits in common with Chris - they too are autistic, still live at home beyond an appropriate age, are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, have trouble with women, or are fixated on childish things. Some are perhaps even worse off than Chris. However, A-Logs will argue that they are "at least not like Chris" and are fervent in their urge to troll Chris so people don't troll them themselves. Often times, as in the case of the original A-Log this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolls.

==Arguments against A-Logs==

While Chris is far from perfect, there are those who believe that he is not exactly deserving of harm or extreme abuse that A-Logs would call for. This is reminiscent of the divided opinions in regards to [[BlueSpike]] and his style of trolling, with many disapproving of his extreme methods, but some who want a return to those more sadistic times.

===Chris is not Hitler===
Chris is not an utterly despicable person who is guilty of "crimes" that must be punished. Hitler was supposedly responsible for the death of over 6 million Jews, plus millions of other political dissidents in the years before and during World War II. Chris is just an idiot who spends his time playing [[video games|vidya]]. While he ''is'' quite prone to [[Chris and anger|rage]] and has a noted tendency to threaten people with violence and [[death threats|death]], it is generally understood that Chris is not competent enough to actually carry out any threats. There are only a few notable events in [[Sonichu_8|Sonichu]] and [[Sonichu_10|CWCville]] where Chris's fictional actions are violent. The October 2011 GAMe PLACe incident also seems to portray Chris as a truly violent individual. More likely than not, Chris's actions on that day are likely to be the result of his mothers influence, non-existent driving skills, and sheer panic.<ref>[[28 October 2011#Email?|"Mom took the wheel"]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut|Chris exhibits poor judgement while driving]]</ref>

===Legal Liability===
Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged and possibly convicted of stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or any other possible charges that could be filed against someone). Whatever feelings a person may have against Christian Weston Chandler, there is no legal defense for someone taking the law into their own hands and subsequently ending up with a possible life-altering felony conviction. In addition to this, the charm of watching Chris is his eternal struggle against a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only legitimize Chris's victim complex.

====Chris's [[Chris and race|racism]] and [[Homos|homophobia]]====
While his views on race and homosexuality are not politically correct, they hardly seem to suggest Chris is an amoral monster. Chris's discomfort for black people, while not politically correct, is arguably more from failing to understand social norms. Chris simply doesn't understand that one does not announce to the world one is discomforted by African-Americans; this is far from the outright ideology of white supremacy that your average KKK member would have. Chris has no history of actually going out and lynching blacks or other minorities that discomfort him. Chris's notable offenses have been picking on and applying stereotypes to the black kids who defeated him in card games at [[The GAMe PLACe]], as well as using "Jew" as a pejorative against [[Michael Snyder]], who Chris inaccurately believes to be Jewish. One of Chris's grievances, if you can call it that, is that non-white women don't fit his ideal vision of a [[sweetheart]], which he constantly fails to properly articulate; it is entirely possible for a non-racist white man to not be sexually attracted to non-white women. Chris has used the racial slur of "nigger" in a few of his means of communication, though he shows some degree of reservation where he uses this word. During the [[Lars Call]], Chris shows great apprehension towards using the word "nigga" and only does so when Lars gives him implicit permission. One of the most famous instances of Chris's use of the word "nigger" is in his video confronting Surf Shack Tito on his trolling efforts.<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb#Video|On camera use of the word "nigger"]]</ref> In this video, Chris's racism is often found humorous as Tito is meant to be of Hawaiian descent. When one examines Chris's use of the word, he does not show any understanding of the complexity, history, proper context, or underlying implications of the slur.<ref>[[Surfshack Tito E-mails|Chris's liberal use of "nigger"]]</ref> Once again, it is likely that Chris has been exposed to this word and chooses to repeat it blindly as he knows it that it is edgy and offensive to African-Americans.

In regards to his homophobia, while his reasons are ill-informed at best, Chris is a rather ordinary person who is discomforted by homosexuals. Chris's father is the likely source of Chris's dislike of homosexuals as Chris has had very little friendly interaction with anyone, never mind true homosexuals.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call#Transcript|"[...]conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were gay[...]"]]</ref><ref>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|"[...]and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me."]]</ref> Chris is not the Westboro Baptist Church which is engaged in a massive campaign against homosexuals using inflammatory language, nor is he head of a power-lobbying group against LGBT individuals in Washington.

====The tugboat====
Some A-Logs contend that Chris is a bad person because he "steals" [[tugboat|taxpayer]] money. What is almost always overlooked by A-Logs who make this claim is that it wasn’t Chris who applied for social security disability; it was [[Bob|his father]] who applied for Chris and it was he who convinced Chris that he would make more off of disability than working at a minimum wage job. Realistically, Chris didn’t have any say in the matter because Bob held all the purse strings when it came to Chris having food, shelter and clothing.

So why doesn’t Chris get off his “lazy butt and earn his keep”? Well, because there are a couple of very difficult barriers that stand in his way that many A-Loggers simply don’t take into consideration.

First, there is the bureaucratic red tape and regulations involved in someone who is on disability working full-time. Ironically, it isn’t Chris sitting around playing video games day after day receiving a government check that would likely get him in trouble for disability fraud, it would be working full-time at a minimum wage job while still getting a disability check that would get him in trouble.

Second, there is the issue of Chris's lack of preparation in independent living skills as well as his lack of coaching in finding a job and being able to keep it. Moreover, given Chris’s rather infamous reputation by people who have documented every unsavory aspect of his life, it would be more likely than not by taking someone working in human services or in the employment field (that has extremely strong networking and connections) and a job coach (on a long-term basis) to convince a skeptical employer to give Chris a realistic chance at successfully finding and keeping a job. In addition, given Chris's rap sheet, even under ideal circumstances Chris's chances at decent employment may be slim at best. Chris has been convicted for the events of [[28 October 2011]] which may deter potential employers, regardless of his ability to perform to tasks they set him. While it may sound attractive to the uninformed to "kick his ass" when it comes to Chris working, in reality there are deep-seated issues that go way beyond the expertise of a few trolls, and no amount of A-Logging can change this.

===Chris is just an idiot===
Chris is not mentally retarded as defined by medical standards. His IQ is within normal range. What trips him up is his lack of "street smarts" or common sense. He actually believed that an [[Vanessa Hudgens|attractive celebrity]] was interested in him sexually and that he was talking to her. He still insists that he's had many [[sweethearts]], all very attractive women, and doesn't find it curious that they suddenly die or disappear. He is an easy mark, not a criminal mastermind.

===Most people can avoid the trolls===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who are following Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered "Finally, here's someone who's far more pathetic than I am".

But these traits, in itself, ''don't'' make you trollable. They ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but it's an altogether different matter how you respond to that ridicule. You may give the people who laugh at you a mature response – laugh along with them at your own admitted faults, or just let the unwarranted criticism be what it is. Trolls certainly aren't interested in productive debate.

''Or'' you can be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll under lucricities, which is exactly what the trolls want.

Most people can recognize their own faults and try to cope with them. Chris cannot.

==Examples==
{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos.}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's videos, referring to [[Bob Chandler]]'s death.}}

{{quote|CHRIS-CHAN MUST DIE!!!! Sick fuck!|mxc82, once again, on YouTube. (Note: This is not a joke)}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow [[Autism|autistics]] and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account, comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]].}}

{{quote|Fucking Chris Chan. I hate this guy, sucks to have [[autism]] and ppl think you're like him|[[789chan|/cwc/]]}}

{{quote|For those of you who never heard of this fella, Chrischan is a twenty-nine year old [[Autism|"highly functioning autistic"]] who is really a brain dead and delusional manchild. I am a austic myself and I feel ashamed about this jackass reenforcing a negative stereotype on austics and going out of his way to make normal autistics like myself look bad.|GearsX, in his "Chrischan Rant Quickie" DeviantArt Journal.}}

{{quote|You know, blocking people is just going to make you look butthurt. Stop giving people with [[Autism]] and [[Asperger syndrome|Apergers]] a bad name. I have aspergers, I'm 13, and yet I draw, and know better. Not to be mean, but with those [[For Julie's Eyes Only|blow up doll]] and stripping videos, you need help.|ShanuChinchillaXx, on Chris-Chan's fake DeviantArt account.}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto on Encyclopedia Dramatica]
*[http://logattopedia.wikinet.org/wiki/Main_Page Logattopedia]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth on Alogging.]

[[Category: Trolling]]

So Need a Cute Girl

2013-04-12T22:31:20Z

TrammatPusher: /* Song */ uploader account terminated

{{quote|Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, [[So Lonesome|lonliness]] [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that [[Mary Lee Walsh|Witch Bitch]], I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the [[Semen|SALTY]], [[Chris and anger|AGGRESSIVE]], and [[Clyde Cash|TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES]] and NOT TO MOST [[JERKS|MEN]] type of MAN that I AM.|[[Chris]] commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 [[November 2007]], [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED edit]]<ref name="ed">http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821</ref>}}

'''"So Need a Cute Girl"''' is the first track off ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''. Chris describes it in an [[ED]] edit as his "[[love Quest|sweetheart search]] theme song."<ref name="ed"/> It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.

==Song==
{{deletedvideo}}
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-51Z5Q8hPbQ}}
| Stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| maker = Chris
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
}}</center>

=== Lyrics===

[''sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"'']

Hey! Look at me! 
I'm sitting here sad and lonely! 

Without a fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
[[Noviophobia|"I have a boyfriend!"]] 

And I see da ladies walking 
Along one by one, 
And I never wanna hear, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a [[virgin with rage]]! * 
Tell me why 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
Tell me why 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!"** 

And I have no fire 
But a desire 
To ''not'' hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
(Tell me why) 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Why do all of the [[jerks]] 
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!) 
You may not notice, 
But I want you to know 
That I am a lonesome heart! 

And I have no fire, 
But a desire 
To ''not'', to not, to not 
''Heeeaaar…'' 

Stuck as a virgin with rage! 
So need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
(Tell me why) 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Tell me why 
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! 
I so need a cute girl my age! 
I ain’t never wanna hear you say, 
"I have a boyfriend!" 

Never say it, now!

* ''In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."''

** ''In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica|his ED edits]], these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"<ref>[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821 http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997316018&oldid=1997315821]</ref>''

==Music video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend")
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6azwhe8xhVI}}
| stardate = 20 [[December 2004]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Live_performance|So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance]]
}}</center>

Filmed in December [[2004]] to promote Christian's [[Love Quest]]. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "[[All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend]]"

===Introductory notes===

Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler, age 22 at this time. I'll be 23 on February 24th, [[2005]]. [''clears throat''] Eh, anyway, uh, for over a year, now, I've, uh, been trying to attract an 18-to-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl]]—18-to-21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been tryin' for over a year to attract a girl—boyfriend-free girl—and I have failed.[Chris sits on the floor] And, you know, when you got—when you have so much—so many failures at this time, [Chris pets his Menchi plushie] you can't help but feel sad, you know? And depressed? And here it is, about [[Christmas#2004|Christmas time]], and, well, all I want for Christmas is a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. And, a'course, uh, during the time, I have, uh, been a—trying, I written a [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|few songs]], about my, uh, [[Love Quest]]. And, so, for now—for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh, two a'—two a'my songs. [''clears throat and stands up''] First one I'm gonna sing is one I've, uhh, made up first, wri'en my own lyrics to, into a tune to this song. By the way, [''points to [[Sonichu medallion]] around neck''] this, here, is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. [''???''] just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term. Anyway, here's my first song, called "So Need A Cute Girl."

[''Performs songs'']

[[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope [[Santa]] will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend. And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call my Chris in public—and... thank you.

==Live performance==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|wlP5VhuJubE}}
| stardate = 12 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum Scarlet]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, Drunk
| shirt = {{RefereeShirt|text}}
| other = {{Live|text}}
| previous = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Music_video|So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video]]
| next = [[Harvey_Birdman_Commercial#Chris.27s_entry|Harvey Birdman Commercial]]
}}</center>

On 12 [[July 2009]], one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving [[Chris's Big Night Out II|their first public performance]] (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.

=== Transcript ===

(Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, [[Adult Swim|ALL HANDS ON ME]]. (There are no takers, just laughter)

'''Man:''' (''Bewildered'') Oh ohh OHHH buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VfM9Q73lBjg}}
| stardate = 30 [[June 2009]]
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| Video Typer = Song Cover
| info = Sonichu: The Animated Series response from the real Chris Chandler.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GDqJ4VuzhnU}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/AngusHiggens AngusHiggens]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = Said to feature guest backing vocals from [[Liquid Chris]].
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl, cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8DTg4nx_dCE}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album Trollsta's Paradise: A True & Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys.
}}</center>
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = So Need a Cute Girl (Medley)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|xjuc5iQ-eAk}}
| stardate = 11 [[June 2012]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GhostofBillRiley GhostofBillRiley]
| subject = So Need a Cute Girl
| type = Song Cover
| info = A medley of several covers mixed together with the original.
}}</center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Virgin with Rage]]
*[[Chris's Big Night Out II]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]|}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2004-12-24]]

Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)

2013-04-12T22:29:49Z

TrammatPusher: uploading account has been suspended

'''"Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)"''' is Chris's version of [[Wikipedia:Meat Loaf|Meat Loaf's]] "[[Wikipedia:Paradise by the Dashboard Light|Paradise by the Dashboard Light]]", dedicated to [[Ivy]]'s pet [[hermit crabs]], [[User:CrassCrab|Crass]] and [[User:Champthom|Champ]]. Unlike his previous work, where he wrote new lyrics, Chris just sings the original song word-for-word, adding the names of the crabs intermittently to identify them as the male and female characters in the song's story, in addition to a few minor references to the sea. Ivy said that this laziness is because "Paradise..." was one of the last songs Chris wrote and he was getting [[stress|bored]]. His inability to keep both in rhythm and in tune with the song is outstanding.

Notable variations from the Meat Loaf version are that Chris omits the entire [[Wikipedia:Phil Rizzuto|Phil Rizzuto]] baseball section of the song, is incapable of singing the faster parts and frequently cannot distinguish between the male and female voices (sound [[BlueSpike|familar]]?). He sings in a [[Autism|boring monotone]] when he realizes it's the boy's part, and a [[Tomgirl Pictures|screeching falsetto]] when he realizes it's the girl's part.
==Listen==
{{deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Paradise By The Seashore Light (Crass and Champ's Thang Undersea)"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sbpwe1vTsaU}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = [[Crass and Champ]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I'm Sexy For My Ivy]]
| next = [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"'']

Crass remembers every little thing 
As if it happened only yesterday 
Parking by the lake and there was another- not another car (coral?) in sight 
And [[Virgin with rage|I never had a girl]] 
Looking any better than you did 
And all the kids at school, they were wishin' theyyy were me that night. 

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight 
Neverrr felt sooo good neverrr felt so right 
And we're glowin' like the metal on the edge of a knife 
Glowin' like the metal on the edge of a knife 
C'mon. Holdin' tighhhh- tight 
C'mon. Hold tight 

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night 
I can see paradise by the seashore liiight 

[''in a creepy falsetto'']

Ain't no doubt about it 
We were doubly blessed 
Cause we were barely seventeen 
And we were barely dressed 

Ain't no doubt about it 
Baby got to go and shout it 
Ain't no doubt about it 
We were doubly blessed 

[''boring monotone resumes'']

Cause we were only seventeen 
And we were barely dressed 

Champ don'cha hear my heart 
You got it drowning out the radio 
Been waiting so long 
For you to come along and have some fun 

And I gotta let ya know 
No you're never gonna regret it 
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise 
It'll feel all right 
I wanna make your- oh sharks! (?)

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight 
It never felt so good, it never felt so right 
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife 
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife

C'mon! Hold tight! 
C'mon! Hold on tight! 

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night 
I can see paradise by the seashore light 
[''mumbles'']

You got to do what you can 
And let Mother Nature do the rest 
Ain't no doubt about it 
We were doubly blessed 

Cause we were barely seventeen 
And we were barely-- 

We're gonna go all the way tonight 
We're gonna go all the way.. 

[''loses track of song and starts mumbling'']

..tonight.. 
..all the way tonight..

[''song skips'']

[''in falsetto again'']

Stop right there! 
I gotta know right now! 
Before we go any further! 

Do you love me? 
Will you love me forever? 
Do you need me? 
Will you never leave me? 
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my liiife? 
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? 

Do you love me? 
Will you love me forever? 
Do you need me? 
Will you never leave me? 
Will you make me ha-ppy the rest of my life? 
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? 
I gotta know right now Crass! 
Before we go any further 
Do you love me? 
Will you love me forever? 

[[Image:Paradiseseashore.png|thumb|300px|right|Fanart depiction of the events of "Paradise By the Seashore Light" (based on Crass and Champ's respective [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] avatars).]]
[''monotone'']

CHAAAMP!

CHAMP!

Let me sleep on it 
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it 
And I'll derp derp derp (?) 
And I'll give you an answer in the morning 

Let me sleep on it 
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it 
Let me sleep on it 
And I'll give you an answer in the morning 

Let me sleep on it 
Chaaamp, Champ let me sleep on it 
Let me sleep on it 
And I'll give you an answer in the morniiing 

[''falsetto'']

CRASS! 
...know right now! 
Do you love a-me? 
Will you love me forever? 
Do you need me? 
Will you never leave me? 
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? 
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife? 
I gotta know right now, Crass! 
Before we go any further 
Do you love me? 
Love me forever? 

[''monotone'']

CHAAMP?

Champ?

Ch- [''mumbles in his falsetto'']

Champ?

Sleep on it 
Champ, Champ let me sleep on it 
Let me sleep on it 
And I'll give you an answer in the morning

[''falsetto'']

I GOT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!

[''monotone'']

Let me sleep on it!

[''alternates between falsetto and monotone'']

Will you love me forever? 
Let me sleep on it! 
Will you love me forever! 
Let me sleep on it 
AND I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER, CHAMP! CHAMP!

[''mumbles in a high-pitched tone to the words'']

.. love mee 
Love me forever? 
...sleep on it 
...love me forever? 
Let me sleep on it! 
Will you love me forever?

Let me sleep- [''mumbles''] 
And when the feeling came upon me 
Like a tidal wave 
I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave 
That I would love you to the end of time 
I swore that then end- I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time 
To hurry up and arrive 
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you 
I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break a promise or forget my vow 
But God only knows what I can do right now 
I'm praying for the end of time 
It's all that I can do 
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you... Champ!

[''mumbles in a low tone, then switches to a high tone. Sounds like he's saying "beep beep beep!"'']

[''falsetto'']

..edge of a knife 
Glowing like a metal on the edge of a [[knife]] (x5) 
Glowing like a metal on... [mumbles] 
...edge of a knife 
...edge of a knife 

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]

Prank calls

2013-04-04T07:58:02Z

TrammatPusher: /* Call Bobby Chandler */ technically not deleted, but the account went Private

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|9FaRH3Ttsk8}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|Fq85iYxv4OA}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa whoa whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.
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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.
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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl''': Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl''': Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl''': What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]].
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YswnNK09i_A}}
</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Talk:Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2013-04-01T19:31:10Z

TrammatPusher: /* re-ordering */ new section

Order is messed up for a couple of these... was it done for a specific reason, or does it need to be fixed? You can tell they are out of order because of the email time stamps. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 07:10, 10 March 2012 (PST)
:Screw it, I'm changing it. If someone has a problem with it they can just re-do it. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 07:21, 10 March 2012 (PST)

== re-ordering ==

Back in March 2012, 4Macie switched the orders of a couple of emails. While one of these pairs (regarding the "lap-sitting incident") are ambiguous either way, I'm relatively confident that the other pair ("Megan is annoyed and creeped out" / "Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love") was originally correct, despite the datestamps. Chris's email is clearly addressing points Megan raised in hers (calling her his "girlfriend", "sexual harassment"), not to mention the obvious panicked tone. I switched that pair back to the "original" order, while leaving the lap-sitting pair alone. [[User:TrammatPusher|TrammatPusher]] 12:31, 1 April 2013 (PDT)

Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2013-04-01T19:22:52Z

TrammatPusher: /* Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love */ finishing previous reposition

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails exchanged by [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] from August through December [[2007]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 9:08:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the [[Adam Stackhouse|winner]] of the [[PaRappa]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]; among their ten [[videos]], they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am [[Chris and Anger|Angry]], Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between [[MySpace]], [[PSN|Playstation Network]] and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and [[John]] each a [[PSP]]... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

As for the what happened at [[the Game Place]]; it was so-so, and I didn't get any [[Soul Calibur]] [[cards]] today. Although from my monthly tugboat, I did get the new [[Guitar Hero]] game and the PS1 classic, [[Wikipedia:UmJammer Lammy|UmJammer Lammy]], some ink for my printer, a bunch of slim cd and [[DVD]] cases and a 4GB memory stick duo.

Although I'm certain you have oodles of stories of your days in Kentucky, and I truly look forward to listening to you telling me about them. :)

Thank you, Megan, for being my continuing inspiration. I hope you all are doing well, and I await your safe and sound return. Take care.

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris hopes to make Adam Stackhouse lose by a loophole in the rules===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 8:13:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Dearest Megan,

Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and resentment against that [[Adam Stackhouse|lucky S.O.B. winner]]. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not [[Autism|Autistic]].

Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me [[Chris and sex|safe and sound]]. :)

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3}}

===Megan is annoyed and creeped out===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 12:42 am 
Subject: .....

Christian-

I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your [[Chris and psychology|behavior has irritated me]] for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]] because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is [[Fuck Quest|sexual harrassment]] to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings. The way you went off on Nina because she patted me on the head was very rude and uncalled for. Just because someone else has made physical contact with me doesn't give you the authority to do so. Remember, I have the right to decide who can come near me.

Also I can't say I like how you used my photo in your video and on the cover of your comic book. I want them removed from the internet immediately. Since I'm not a myspace member I can't view what you post. If there are any photos of me on your blog I want them removed.

And I don't like your [[Megan Shrine|"Megan Obsession"]] I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in your [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in [[Soul Calibur|Soulcalibur]] and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.

With all that said, we're down to two options: 
A: We remain friends and ONLY friends period. As in no more touching me, following me, asking me personal questions, and giving me things. We can still battle and trade cards and talk. 
-or- 
B: Never see me again

I'm sorry it's come down to this but I've told you repeatedly in a nice way to stop, but you've never listened.

I hope you will finally take what I just said into serious consideration, and know now that if try your advances again I won't be very nice about it.

Please listen to me next time 
~Megan}}

===Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 2:51:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: OUCH....My Heart...

Megan, sweetie, [[List of Chris's lies|I NEVER said anything about you being my "girlfriend"]]; in the video, I said, "The only song I know is 'Master Onion' which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend, Megan. I truly care about your feelings, and I am 500 times sorry... :_( I meant what all I did when I talk about you to be complimentive and flattering, not the contrary. I was only trying to make you happy.

I NEVER meant any [[Chris and rape|"sexual harrassment"]]; granted that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|I have had one or two fantasies before]], but I sincerely would NEVER intentionally do anything of the sort to you without your consent. You mean SOOOOOO much to me... As youu are aware, I'm guessing, I do not have many [[gal pal|gal-pals]] in or around [[Charlottesville]], and I treasure having you in my life, and as my closest, sweetest friend I could ever have in this one-hores, [[Virgina is for Virgins|VIRGIN-ONLY STATE]]. If I lost you... it would [[Heart level|TOTALLY SHATTER my heart]], my soul, my being. I CAN NOT AFFOARD to lose you; I need you. Having you in my life, and as my gal-pal, is essentally wkat keeps me from reverting to a sad, lonely, depressed, apocolyptic state, like I have expierenced before when that witch of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], SHATTERED MY HEART AND SOUL when I was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE]], caring, [[Tobacky|smoke-free]], [[Alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to be my friend, and over time maybe grow into a [[sweetheart|SWEETHEART]]. Even right now, as I type this E-mail, I feel like I have been torn vertically into two, and I am typing on a keyboard that has been turned upwardly crooked from being banged against a raised knee... It really hurts...

I will remove the video from the [[internet]] soon as per your request, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want you and me to still be friends. And as much as I truly understand how you feel about romance and love, I can't deny the feelings in my heart... I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH; I would look at our [[Chris and religion|sacred photo]] every night, and I would feee soooo much happier, because I have you as my one-and-only, single-solitary, once-in-a-lifetime-like, gal-pal. And I would wonder how you were getting along and faring in Kentucky, and I would hope to get to see you again in front of me soon... Megan... [[Love Quest|I love ou]].

I gotta go.

Faithfully yours; Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Chris begs Megan not to leave him===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 11:55 am 
Subject: Hey.

I took care of the video; I edited the original video by removing the pic, then I uploaded the new to repace the old. So your face is not in there anymore.

I was depressed ALL DAY from those harsh words, but I'm not blaming you. I can only guess something unexpected happened that wasn't in favor. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Please don't leave me, Sweet Friend, Megan.

Faithfully yours;

Chris Chan.}}

===Chris says he's not angry or jealous of Adam Stackhouse anymore===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 3:46 pm 
Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the [[Chris and Anger|burst of anger]]. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful [[rainbow]] as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

I hope to see you again soon. <3<3<3<3

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. :)}}

===Chris continues to beg Megan not to leave===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 8:27:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because [[Heart level|my heart was hit so bad]], that it [[Sex doll|sprung a leak]]... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the [[Adam Stackhouse|rule-violating winner]], for my lonely, [[Chris and sex|wandering hands]] wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this [[Autism|cursed Autistic life]]. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

[[Virgin with rage|I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder]], you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING [[Love Quest]], you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to [[the Game Place]].

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

===Chris talks about another contest and his ENDURING LOVE QUEST===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, Megan 
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:09 pm 
Attachments: Patti-Chan_Folklore_plus_details.jpg (238K), Patti-Chan_Folklore.jpg (111K)

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it was truly good to see that you all got back safe from Kentucky...I truly did miss you. Also it is a weight off my shoulders to hear from you that we are still good friends.

Anyhoo, how did John do in his Mechanics class; what was his grade and such? How was your stay in Kentucky? And have you been practicing your [[Guitar]] skills on your PS2? *I hope you got better. :)

Also, a few weeks ago, I learned about the Folklore Create-A-Creature contest on the Playstation website; make up a unique creature suitable for the Fantasy world of the upcoming [[PS3]] game, write up the details of the character and send in the .jpg file. Five will be chosen, among whom will win a copy of the PS3 game and a matching artwork book, and Only One will be programmed into a upcoming Downloable-from-the-Playstation-Store Add-On where the creature will be catchable and playable in the game. Simply put, I sent in [[Patti-Chan]] (see image below). Speaking of [[Patti]], cute-like story, it was June 27, 2007, the date of the first year anniversary since her [[Chris and English|accent]] to heaven. On that date, neither of us realizing the anniversary yet, but my mother talked about going to the local SPCA building and adopting a new dog. That night, I realized it upon a Random Remembering, and I cried for a while, so did my mother after I had informed her. But we did realize that we talked about adopting a new dog on the date of the first anniversary. Bless her soul.

Well, like I said, I will be returing to the [[University of Virginia|UVA's Alderman Library]] twice a week starting Sept. 4 to resume my Sweetheart Search (AKA [[Love Quest]]). *sigh* It will be lonely, torturing and enduring like it has been in the past, but I have my dream of a lil' [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. And the movies and games on my PSP will give me something else to think about as I go back to wishin', hopin', and prayin' to be found by an "18-25-Year Old, caring, sweet, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl" (hopefully a virgin) "to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up". And at the end of each lonely wait, I will quote my old [[random access humor|joke]] of a commercial, "Call Right Now, and we'll send you a Beautiful Girlfriend FREE". Then I will pretend to call RIGHT NOW, and always get BUPKIS. *sigh* Whatever.

One more thing, while I'm thinking about it, are you finished with the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Ranger|Pok'emon Ranger]] DS game yet, because I still remember our deal?

Well, take care you all; I'll see you all again next Friday.

Your Friend; Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 5:37 pm

That's odd...according to my yahoo sent items folder it was sent. 
It pretty much said how I had all the unwanted cards. And I am looking for 3 cards now since you somehow figured out Revenant was on that list as well. Dang you're good! The [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS cards]] I'm looking for are these: Manas & Ayas (note I think the card spells it "Ayus" which is different from the game's spelling) It's from the first SC expansion Voldo (from the first exp. 4 dots, standing upright, arms crossed) Voldo (a promo card, back facing us, butt visible, the image is an official namco drawing) And I'm also really looking for ANYTHING on the StreetFighter character [[Wikipedia:Vega (Street Fighter)|Vega]]. And one more thing, a Promo card of R. Mika. (I think the picture- she has her arms in the air.) And that's it. I hope you get lucky! Not saying you would but please don't start a R.Mika deck...I worked hard and hate being copied. You stick with the Greek Girls!

I also said how I'm doing a major room clean and can give you things I don't want. I'm still finding more stuff but so far I have: 
Absolute Boyfriend poster 
figurine of Primera from the series [[Wikipedia:Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle|Tsubasa Chronicle]] 
[[Wikipedia:Tokyo Boys & Girls|Tokyo Boys and Girls]] vol.1 (manga) 
[[Wikipedia:Someday's Dreamers|Someday's Dreamers: Spellbound]] vol.1 (manga) 
a [[My Little Pony]] badge/button/pin thing 
Some more extra [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] cards

I'm sure I'll find more stuff, let me know if you want any and all of the above. In exchange for whatever cards you find or something Still haven't played SCIII <nowiki>*sigh</nowiki>...I'll get around to it soon...

Let me know and thanks!

~Megan

PS I also said thank you for finally understanding and giving me space and toning down your affections. Even so I also said that you are still my good friend and take everything you've given me and done with great appreciation.}}

===Chris talks about cards and how lonely he is===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 11:24 pm 
Okay, here's the summary:

UFS SC Set 1 FOIL UR SR Manas & Ayas 
UFS New UR SR Promo Foil R Mika 
From same Vendor for total of $8.25 
UFS Street Fighter Vega SF02 092/126 
From another Vendor for a total of $4 
UFS Street Fighter VEGA'S CLAW SF02...096/126 Rare 
From another for a total of $3.99 
UFS Street Fighter FOIL Vega SF1P****06/12 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC3P****14/16 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC01****091/143 URARE 
From Paladin Game and Hobbies for a total of $10.72

Which totals to (rounded up) $27, and with the $4 from Revenants, that makes it $31. Although I would feel better with a total cash settlement (or installments totaling to), I will take off $18 for your listed merchandise in your recent e-mail, taking the total down to $13. Also, for your information, you have mentioned the Revenant card in your e-mail from your Yahoo address you sent on the 30th of Sept. And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still [[Mass debating|silently calling]] for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry. 
Anyhoo, I will let you know of any updates, or I will read your reply.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan also talks about cards===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 10:53 am

Thank you very much. I will bring you the 13$ and merchandise this friday. Thank you for finding these cards I never find what I'm looking for too often.

I will also bring the lot of girl cards and I hope to find the rest of the cassandras as well. Can you list me the holos you have and I'll tell you ahead what I'm interested in. Only list what you're willing to trade. And when you list found/act/attk please write beside- the character they go with like Despair-Voldo. 
Thanks so much again! See you soon!

~Megan}}
===Chris talks about Crocs and how he was kicked out of the library for soliciting sex===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Just wanted to warn John... 
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 8:37 pm

I've just learned on the [[Wikipedia:John_Tesh#John_Tesh_Radio_Show|John Tesh Radio Show]] that people who wear [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Croc Shoes]] on escelators are having their toes, toenails gnashed, torn off or worse. If he is in an area where there is an escelator, encourage him to use an elevator or stairs.

I have not received the cards yet, nor have I been able to get that second [[Wikipedia:Manaphy#Manaphy|Manaphy]] egg yet. I've had a surprise Tuesday while I was sittin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]] (waitin' to be found by a Boyfriend-Free girl). Some old hag and her bodyguard approached me and made it obvious that it was verbodden to find True Love there. Who did she think she was; the wife of the Pope? I disregarded her intrusion, but I am cautious about the possibility of another clash of battle, like in the past with that Witch of [[PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], that [[Jerkief]] at [[Fashion Square]] and the [[Manajerks]] at [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]]. Unlike Tuesday and the previous events, I am much saltier than I was.

I will never fall for the FALSE Law of True Love searching and sharing being illegal in the State of Virginia, or in short "[[Virginia is for Virgins]]," nor will I quit chillin' at the Library's Lounge Tuesdays and Thursdays with a printed advertisement in the neighborhood.

But I digress. I will see you at the Game Place tomorrow.

Take Care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: I'm sorry... <nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a [[homos|homo]]. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation. I've seen [[Wikipedia:Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina|the episode]] of "[[South Park]]" where [[Wikipedia:Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] had that operation; they showed the [[Nudes|gruesome details]]. ugh...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and e motional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my [[Autism]] is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.}}

===Megan had it worse in school===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: ok 
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 5:18 pm

Ok, thanks for the reassurance. Yes I can understand your lonliness because I was the same way...worse maybe. I mean you actually had friends through school. I didn't have any friends at all. I was treated very badly by everyone. To the point where I had to drop out and graduate through homeschool.

I still want you to know that you are still my friend. And I am grateful for everything you've done. When I look through my huge book of Sailormoon cards, I'm almost to tears because YOU were the reason it has grown into a magnificent collection! :) I appreciate everything you've done and given me. Thank you.

I'm still not interested in marriage though. It's not my style. ;)

Well hopefully things will work out now. 
And let me know if there was anything you wanted for the foil [[Wikipedia:Street Fighter Alpha 3|R. Mika]] cards you have. I even have extra commons for her if you're interested. 
Talk to you later 
You take care and feel better soon. 
haha I'm still shy about his affections though! I'm like, ok, I'm on his lap, what do I do? hahaha 
~Megan}}

===Megan is pissed that Chris is nosing in her business===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 4:24 am 
Subject: what's up?

Christian I can probably understand how you're feeling. You looked [[Chris and anger|pretty pissed]].....not to mention giving my friend the "[[:Image:FuckYouTito.jpg|fucky finger]]".

Why? Why do you hate him so much? Cause now he's really scared that you're going to go after him and kill him!

Besides if you have to hate someone, it should be me because I'M the one who didn't return your feelings and didn't want a serious relationship. Remember I have [[Women's Rights|the right]] to decide who I want to be with. Now I'm not saying that I hate you. You are still my friend....that is if you're going to stop keep getting grudges and tormenting my friend. You're hatred and jealousy towards him is affecting me as well. How do I know you're not going to do something rash? So please just leave us alone.

I'd like for you to just accept this and move on. You have no right to hate him, he did nothing bad to you! Personally I thought you'd actually be happy for me. So please listen to me and please don't do anything bad and just leave Chris alone.

Please get back to me 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, I'm cool. 
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 9:25 pm

Yeah, I'm mostly over what happened Friday. But I have a single quandry to ask, and I would appreciate an [[Honest Content|honest answer]], please. Did Christopher ask you to sit on his lap, or what incentive gave you reason to do that? Please reply with an honest answer.

Other note, I picked up a couple of blank [[wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS League cards]] for you and John to sign your names on; I'll give them to you two Friday. No tournament happened earlier; not enough people.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is scared of some fanart===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 11:50:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Megan, I've had so much to worry about today

The Good News though is that I've had more fans for Sonichu than I thought. Now the worse to bad...

I got this [[Evan|E-Mail]] earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.") I sent him a reply with respective [[Masturbating and squirtin'|criticism]]. I WAS INFURIATED!!!

Then later, I learn from an anonymous tipster about this girl'ss profile page on [[deviantART]], while she has good and fun fanart of Sonichu, SHE IS TAKING THE CREDIT, AND PLACING A FAKE COPYRIGHT, 2007 WITH HER NAME ON IT!!! You, Me, and the rest of the Sonichu Fan Club know that Sonichu Was Born On MARCH, 17, 2000 (Y2K). I sent her a message requesting her to remover her claim of copyright with a warning of Legal Actions.

All the images are attached to this e-mail, or I can show them to you on my PSP later. =0 A I just needed to get that off my head and heart, since my mom fell asleep on me at the moment.

Okay, I'll see you hopefully at the UFS Tournament. Also, don't forget to set your clocks one hour back this weekend.

Take care; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris talks about cards and mentions Lori===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net Cc: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 2:45:14 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Just to let you know...

Hey, Megan. It became kind of a ghost-town at the Game Place last Friday; most of the children left. It's too bad you didn't make it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got a Piplup and Turtwig through SUCCESSFUL Trades through the [[wikipedia:Global Trade Station|GTS (Wi-Fi)]]. Also, have you or John gone underground with the Explorers' Kit? I found 4 Skull Fossils, so I have 3 extra Craniados; if I don't get one through the GTS by the Friday after Thanksgiving (NO LEAGUE this coming Friday), I need the other fossil Pokemon of the Diamond/Pearl Generation (the one that evolves into Bastiedon). I will trade you or John a Craniados for that Fossil Pokemon. One more thing, please Show me a Palkia in my Diamond game, so I can try to get one through the GTS.

That's about it for now. Please reply ASAP.

Take care; Chris Chan.

P.S. This is [[Lori Lopez|Lori]]; the girl my buddy [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] is hooking me up with. She had it done at JMU; that's why it has her name on it.}}

===Megan is curious===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:05 am

Well I'm not too far with Pearl but John has a lot of Pokemon. Have you met this girl yet? Well I hope it goes well for you. Let me know how it goes! I forgot to ask last night but could you find out if there will be UFS this coming sunday? Thanks!

Bye bye 
~Megan}}
===Chris really likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 2:17 pm

I'll be meeting [[Lori Lopez|Lori]] soon. I've traded a LV.20 Male Burmy for a Shieldon over the GTS, so I'm good on the fossils for now. Not this coming Sunday; it's Thanksgiving Weekend; No Pokemon this week either. Thank you for replying and letting meknow. Please work on getting that Palkia, so I can have my character see it, so I can find it through the GTS. I will likely start the Ranger adventure again so I can get my own Manaphy. BTW, try Manaphy and Ditto at the Day Care; my Player's Guide says there's a non-evolving baby Manaphy to be hatched from that combination.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan asks him for Nazi music or something===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: Christian Chandler <cwcsonichu@aol.com> 
Subject: one more favor? 
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:08 pm

Hey, I hope things go well between you and Lori.

Hope it's not a problem but I have ONE more request from [http://sailormusic.net/ Sailormusic.net]. I was going to download the ogg.vorbis thing but it didn't work...

On the international Albums could you please save all the German stuff for me please? I think each link is compressed file of several songs. Would that be ok with you? I would really like them and can't find them anywhere else...

Thanks again, I'll remember to bring Pokemon next time 
PS is it possible to save them and maybe email me the converted files? 
~Megan}}

===Chris is boring and still likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com Cc: polizeigewalt@aim.com 
Sent: Tue, 18 Dec 2007 8:42:27 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hey, Megan.

Just a reminder; please reply if otherwise, but please don't forget my [[wikipedia:Memory Stick#Memory Stick Duo|Memory Stick Duo]], as well as yours and John's Pokemon Diamond/Pearl games and DS Systems for when I meet you all at The End tomorrow.

I will be sure to come with my Wii and Pokemon Battle Revolution and my [[wikipedia:Datel Action Replay|Action Replay DS]] accessory.

I will check my e-mail tomorrow in the afternoon for your reply.

Take care, and see you all tomorrow. Chris Chan.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:20070807a-Meg-Piss Off.PNG
Image:Megan 07-10-20-1.PNG
Image:Megan_07-10-20-2.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007

2013-04-01T19:21:57Z

TrammatPusher: /* Megan is annoyed and creeped out */ datestamp seems to be incorrect, repositioning - see talk page

The following is a transcript of the known e-mails exchanged by [[Megan]] and [[Chris]] from August through December [[2007]]. The only thing that has been removed are the email ads at the bottom of each page.

Megan's e-mails are in pink, Chris's in light blue.
==E-mails==
===Adam Stackhouse wins, Chris is a horrible cheater and likes Megan "so much"===

{{quotebox|−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Fri, 3 Aug 2007 9:08:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the [[Adam Stackhouse|winner]] of the [[PaRappa]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Chop Chop Master Onion Contest]]; among their ten [[videos]], they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am [[Chris and Anger|Angry]], Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between [[MySpace]], [[PSN|Playstation Network]] and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and [[John]] each a [[PSP]]... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

As for the what happened at [[the Game Place]]; it was so-so, and I didn't get any [[Soul Calibur]] [[cards]] today. Although from my monthly tugboat, I did get the new [[Guitar Hero]] game and the PS1 classic, [[Wikipedia:UmJammer Lammy|UmJammer Lammy]], some ink for my printer, a bunch of slim cd and [[DVD]] cases and a 4GB memory stick duo.

Although I'm certain you have oodles of stories of your days in Kentucky, and I truly look forward to listening to you telling me about them. :)

Thank you, Megan, for being my continuing inspiration. I hope you all are doing well, and I await your safe and sound return. Take care.

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris hopes to make Adam Stackhouse lose by a loophole in the rules===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 8:13:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Dearest Megan,

Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and resentment against that [[Adam Stackhouse|lucky S.O.B. winner]]. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not [[Autism|Autistic]].

Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me [[Chris and sex|safe and sound]]. :)

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3}}

===Shit hits the fan, Chris confesses his love===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 2:51:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: OUCH....My Heart...

Megan, sweetie, [[List of Chris's lies|I NEVER said anything about you being my "girlfriend"]]; in the video, I said, "The only song I know is 'Master Onion' which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend, Megan. I truly care about your feelings, and I am 500 times sorry... :_( I meant what all I did when I talk about you to be complimentive and flattering, not the contrary. I was only trying to make you happy.

I NEVER meant any [[Chris and rape|"sexual harrassment"]]; granted that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|I have had one or two fantasies before]], but I sincerely would NEVER intentionally do anything of the sort to you without your consent. You mean SOOOOOO much to me... As youu are aware, I'm guessing, I do not have many [[gal pal|gal-pals]] in or around [[Charlottesville]], and I treasure having you in my life, and as my closest, sweetest friend I could ever have in this one-hores, [[Virgina is for Virgins|VIRGIN-ONLY STATE]]. If I lost you... it would [[Heart level|TOTALLY SHATTER my heart]], my soul, my being. I CAN NOT AFFOARD to lose you; I need you. Having you in my life, and as my gal-pal, is essentally wkat keeps me from reverting to a sad, lonely, depressed, apocolyptic state, like I have expierenced before when that witch of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], SHATTERED MY HEART AND SOUL when I was searching for a [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE]], caring, [[Tobacky|smoke-free]], [[Alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl to be my friend, and over time maybe grow into a [[sweetheart|SWEETHEART]]. Even right now, as I type this E-mail, I feel like I have been torn vertically into two, and I am typing on a keyboard that has been turned upwardly crooked from being banged against a raised knee... It really hurts...

I will remove the video from the [[internet]] soon as per your request, and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want you and me to still be friends. And as much as I truly understand how you feel about romance and love, I can't deny the feelings in my heart... I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH; I would look at our [[Chris and religion|sacred photo]] every night, and I would feee soooo much happier, because I have you as my one-and-only, single-solitary, once-in-a-lifetime-like, gal-pal. And I would wonder how you were getting along and faring in Kentucky, and I would hope to get to see you again in front of me soon... Megan... [[Love Quest|I love ou]].

I gotta go.

Faithfully yours; Christian W. Chandler.}}

===Chris begs Megan not to leave him===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 11:55 am 
Subject: Hey.

I took care of the video; I edited the original video by removing the pic, then I uploaded the new to repace the old. So your face is not in there anymore.

I was depressed ALL DAY from those harsh words, but I'm not blaming you. I can only guess something unexpected happened that wasn't in favor. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Please don't leave me, Sweet Friend, Megan.

Faithfully yours;

Chris Chan.}}

===Chris says he's not angry or jealous of Adam Stackhouse anymore===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Wed, 8 Aug 2007 3:46 pm 
Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the [[Chris and Anger|burst of anger]]. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful [[rainbow]] as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

I hope to see you again soon. <3<3<3<3

Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. :)}}

===Chris continues to beg Megan not to leave===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 8:27:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because [[Heart level|my heart was hit so bad]], that it [[Sex doll|sprung a leak]]... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the [[Adam Stackhouse|rule-violating winner]], for my lonely, [[Chris and sex|wandering hands]] wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this [[Autism|cursed Autistic life]]. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

[[Virgin with rage|I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder]], you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING [[Love Quest]], you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to [[the Game Place]].

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

===Chris talks about another contest and his ENDURING LOVE QUEST===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, Megan 
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:09 pm 
Attachments: Patti-Chan_Folklore_plus_details.jpg (238K), Patti-Chan_Folklore.jpg (111K)

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it was truly good to see that you all got back safe from Kentucky...I truly did miss you. Also it is a weight off my shoulders to hear from you that we are still good friends.

Anyhoo, how did John do in his Mechanics class; what was his grade and such? How was your stay in Kentucky? And have you been practicing your [[Guitar]] skills on your PS2? *I hope you got better. :)

Also, a few weeks ago, I learned about the Folklore Create-A-Creature contest on the Playstation website; make up a unique creature suitable for the Fantasy world of the upcoming [[PS3]] game, write up the details of the character and send in the .jpg file. Five will be chosen, among whom will win a copy of the PS3 game and a matching artwork book, and Only One will be programmed into a upcoming Downloable-from-the-Playstation-Store Add-On where the creature will be catchable and playable in the game. Simply put, I sent in [[Patti-Chan]] (see image below). Speaking of [[Patti]], cute-like story, it was June 27, 2007, the date of the first year anniversary since her [[Chris and English|accent]] to heaven. On that date, neither of us realizing the anniversary yet, but my mother talked about going to the local SPCA building and adopting a new dog. That night, I realized it upon a Random Remembering, and I cried for a while, so did my mother after I had informed her. But we did realize that we talked about adopting a new dog on the date of the first anniversary. Bless her soul.

Well, like I said, I will be returing to the [[University of Virginia|UVA's Alderman Library]] twice a week starting Sept. 4 to resume my Sweetheart Search (AKA [[Love Quest]]). *sigh* It will be lonely, torturing and enduring like it has been in the past, but I have my dream of a lil' [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. And the movies and games on my PSP will give me something else to think about as I go back to wishin', hopin', and prayin' to be found by an "18-25-Year Old, caring, sweet, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl" (hopefully a virgin) "to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up". And at the end of each lonely wait, I will quote my old [[random access humor|joke]] of a commercial, "Call Right Now, and we'll send you a Beautiful Girlfriend FREE". Then I will pretend to call RIGHT NOW, and always get BUPKIS. *sigh* Whatever.

One more thing, while I'm thinking about it, are you finished with the [[Wikipedia:Pokémon Ranger|Pok'emon Ranger]] DS game yet, because I still remember our deal?

Well, take care you all; I'll see you all again next Friday.

Your Friend; Chris Chan.}}

===Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 5:37 pm

That's odd...according to my yahoo sent items folder it was sent. 
It pretty much said how I had all the unwanted cards. And I am looking for 3 cards now since you somehow figured out Revenant was on that list as well. Dang you're good! The [[Wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS cards]] I'm looking for are these: Manas & Ayas (note I think the card spells it "Ayus" which is different from the game's spelling) It's from the first SC expansion Voldo (from the first exp. 4 dots, standing upright, arms crossed) Voldo (a promo card, back facing us, butt visible, the image is an official namco drawing) And I'm also really looking for ANYTHING on the StreetFighter character [[Wikipedia:Vega (Street Fighter)|Vega]]. And one more thing, a Promo card of R. Mika. (I think the picture- she has her arms in the air.) And that's it. I hope you get lucky! Not saying you would but please don't start a R.Mika deck...I worked hard and hate being copied. You stick with the Greek Girls!

I also said how I'm doing a major room clean and can give you things I don't want. I'm still finding more stuff but so far I have: 
Absolute Boyfriend poster 
figurine of Primera from the series [[Wikipedia:Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle|Tsubasa Chronicle]] 
[[Wikipedia:Tokyo Boys & Girls|Tokyo Boys and Girls]] vol.1 (manga) 
[[Wikipedia:Someday's Dreamers|Someday's Dreamers: Spellbound]] vol.1 (manga) 
a [[My Little Pony]] badge/button/pin thing 
Some more extra [[Sailor Moon|Sailormoon]] cards

I'm sure I'll find more stuff, let me know if you want any and all of the above. In exchange for whatever cards you find or something Still haven't played SCIII <nowiki>*sigh</nowiki>...I'll get around to it soon...

Let me know and thanks!

~Megan

PS I also said thank you for finally understanding and giving me space and toning down your affections. Even so I also said that you are still my good friend and take everything you've given me and done with great appreciation.}}

===Chris talks about cards and how lonely he is===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2007 11:24 pm 
Okay, here's the summary:

UFS SC Set 1 FOIL UR SR Manas & Ayas 
UFS New UR SR Promo Foil R Mika 
From same Vendor for total of $8.25 
UFS Street Fighter Vega SF02 092/126 
From another Vendor for a total of $4 
UFS Street Fighter VEGA'S CLAW SF02...096/126 Rare 
From another for a total of $3.99 
UFS Street Fighter FOIL Vega SF1P****06/12 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC3P****14/16 PROMO 
UFS Soulcalibur III FOIL Voldo SC01****091/143 URARE 
From Paladin Game and Hobbies for a total of $10.72

Which totals to (rounded up) $27, and with the $4 from Revenants, that makes it $31. Although I would feel better with a total cash settlement (or installments totaling to), I will take off $18 for your listed merchandise in your recent e-mail, taking the total down to $13. Also, for your information, you have mentioned the Revenant card in your e-mail from your Yahoo address you sent on the 30th of Sept. And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still [[Mass debating|silently calling]] for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry. 
Anyhoo, I will let you know of any updates, or I will read your reply.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan also talks about cards===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: Re: hey 
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 10:53 am

Thank you very much. I will bring you the 13$ and merchandise this friday. Thank you for finding these cards I never find what I'm looking for too often.

I will also bring the lot of girl cards and I hope to find the rest of the cassandras as well. Can you list me the holos you have and I'll tell you ahead what I'm interested in. Only list what you're willing to trade. And when you list found/act/attk please write beside- the character they go with like Despair-Voldo. 
Thanks so much again! See you soon!

~Megan}}
===Chris talks about Crocs and how he was kicked out of the library for soliciting sex===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Just wanted to warn John... 
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 8:37 pm

I've just learned on the [[Wikipedia:John_Tesh#John_Tesh_Radio_Show|John Tesh Radio Show]] that people who wear [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Croc Shoes]] on escelators are having their toes, toenails gnashed, torn off or worse. If he is in an area where there is an escelator, encourage him to use an elevator or stairs.

I have not received the cards yet, nor have I been able to get that second [[Wikipedia:Manaphy#Manaphy|Manaphy]] egg yet. I've had a surprise Tuesday while I was sittin' at the [[University of Virginia|Alderman Library]] (waitin' to be found by a Boyfriend-Free girl). Some old hag and her bodyguard approached me and made it obvious that it was verbodden to find True Love there. Who did she think she was; the wife of the Pope? I disregarded her intrusion, but I am cautious about the possibility of another clash of battle, like in the past with that Witch of [[PVCC]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], that [[Jerkief]] at [[Fashion Square]] and the [[Manajerks]] at [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]]. Unlike Tuesday and the previous events, I am much saltier than I was.

I will never fall for the FALSE Law of True Love searching and sharing being illegal in the State of Virginia, or in short "[[Virginia is for Virgins]]," nor will I quit chillin' at the Library's Lounge Tuesdays and Thursdays with a printed advertisement in the neighborhood.

But I digress. I will see you at the Game Place tomorrow.

Take Care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: I'm sorry... <nowiki>*sigh*</nowiki>

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a [[homos|homo]]. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation. I've seen [[Wikipedia:Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina|the episode]] of "[[South Park]]" where [[Wikipedia:Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] had that operation; they showed the [[Nudes|gruesome details]]. ugh...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and e motional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my [[Autism]] is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.}}

===Megan had it worse in school===
{{quoteboxred|
From: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Cc: pearl3 <fourdogs4@sitestar.net> 
Subject: ok 
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 5:18 pm

Ok, thanks for the reassurance. Yes I can understand your lonliness because I was the same way...worse maybe. I mean you actually had friends through school. I didn't have any friends at all. I was treated very badly by everyone. To the point where I had to drop out and graduate through homeschool.

I still want you to know that you are still my friend. And I am grateful for everything you've done. When I look through my huge book of Sailormoon cards, I'm almost to tears because YOU were the reason it has grown into a magnificent collection! :) I appreciate everything you've done and given me. Thank you.

I'm still not interested in marriage though. It's not my style. ;)

Well hopefully things will work out now. 
And let me know if there was anything you wanted for the foil [[Wikipedia:Street Fighter Alpha 3|R. Mika]] cards you have. I even have extra commons for her if you're interested. 
Talk to you later 
You take care and feel better soon. 
haha I'm still shy about his affections though! I'm like, ok, I'm on his lap, what do I do? hahaha 
~Megan}}

===Megan is pissed that Chris is nosing in her business===
{{quoteboxred|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
To: cwcsonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 4:24 am 
Subject: what's up?

Christian I can probably understand how you're feeling. You looked [[Chris and anger|pretty pissed]].....not to mention giving my friend the "[[:Image:FuckYouTito.jpg|fucky finger]]".

Why? Why do you hate him so much? Cause now he's really scared that you're going to go after him and kill him!

Besides if you have to hate someone, it should be me because I'M the one who didn't return your feelings and didn't want a serious relationship. Remember I have [[Women's Rights|the right]] to decide who I want to be with. Now I'm not saying that I hate you. You are still my friend....that is if you're going to stop keep getting grudges and tormenting my friend. You're hatred and jealousy towards him is affecting me as well. How do I know you're not going to do something rash? So please just leave us alone.

I'd like for you to just accept this and move on. You have no right to hate him, he did nothing bad to you! Personally I thought you'd actually be happy for me. So please listen to me and please don't do anything bad and just leave Chris alone.

Please get back to me 
~Megan}}

===Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Subject: Hey, I'm cool. 
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2007 9:25 pm

Yeah, I'm mostly over what happened Friday. But I have a single quandry to ask, and I would appreciate an [[Honest Content|honest answer]], please. Did Christopher ask you to sit on his lap, or what incentive gave you reason to do that? Please reply with an honest answer.

Other note, I picked up a couple of blank [[wikipedia:Universal Fighting System|UFS League cards]] for you and John to sign your names on; I'll give them to you two Friday. No tournament happened earlier; not enough people.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Chris is scared of some fanart===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net 
Sent: Sat, 3 Nov 2007 11:50:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time 
Subject: Megan, I've had so much to worry about today

The Good News though is that I've had more fans for Sonichu than I thought. Now the worse to bad...

I got this [[Evan|E-Mail]] earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.") I sent him a reply with respective [[Masturbating and squirtin'|criticism]]. I WAS INFURIATED!!!

Then later, I learn from an anonymous tipster about this girl'ss profile page on [[deviantART]], while she has good and fun fanart of Sonichu, SHE IS TAKING THE CREDIT, AND PLACING A FAKE COPYRIGHT, 2007 WITH HER NAME ON IT!!! You, Me, and the rest of the Sonichu Fan Club know that Sonichu Was Born On MARCH, 17, 2000 (Y2K). I sent her a message requesting her to remover her claim of copyright with a warning of Legal Actions.

All the images are attached to this e-mail, or I can show them to you on my PSP later. =0 A I just needed to get that off my head and heart, since my mom fell asleep on me at the moment.

Okay, I'll see you hopefully at the UFS Tournament. Also, don't forget to set your clocks one hour back this weekend.

Take care; Chris Chan.}}

===Chris talks about cards and mentions Lori===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: fourdogs4@sitestar.net Cc: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Sent: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 2:45:14 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Just to let you know...

Hey, Megan. It became kind of a ghost-town at the Game Place last Friday; most of the children left. It's too bad you didn't make it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got a Piplup and Turtwig through SUCCESSFUL Trades through the [[wikipedia:Global Trade Station|GTS (Wi-Fi)]]. Also, have you or John gone underground with the Explorers' Kit? I found 4 Skull Fossils, so I have 3 extra Craniados; if I don't get one through the GTS by the Friday after Thanksgiving (NO LEAGUE this coming Friday), I need the other fossil Pokemon of the Diamond/Pearl Generation (the one that evolves into Bastiedon). I will trade you or John a Craniados for that Fossil Pokemon. One more thing, please Show me a Palkia in my Diamond game, so I can try to get one through the GTS.

That's about it for now. Please reply ASAP.

Take care; Chris Chan.

P.S. This is [[Lori Lopez|Lori]]; the girl my buddy [[Joshua Martinez|Joshua]] is hooking me up with. She had it done at JMU; that's why it has her name on it.}}

===Megan is curious===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:05 am

Well I'm not too far with Pearl but John has a lot of Pokemon. Have you met this girl yet? Well I hope it goes well for you. Let me know how it goes! I forgot to ask last night but could you find out if there will be UFS this coming sunday? Thanks!

Bye bye 
~Megan}}
===Chris really likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Just to let you know... 
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2007 2:17 pm

I'll be meeting [[Lori Lopez|Lori]] soon. I've traded a LV.20 Male Burmy for a Shieldon over the GTS, so I'm good on the fossils for now. Not this coming Sunday; it's Thanksgiving Weekend; No Pokemon this week either. Thank you for replying and letting meknow. Please work on getting that Palkia, so I can have my character see it, so I can find it through the GTS. I will likely start the Ranger adventure again so I can get my own Manaphy. BTW, try Manaphy and Ditto at the Day Care; my Player's Guide says there's a non-evolving baby Manaphy to be hatched from that combination.

Take care; 
Chris Chan.}}

===Megan asks him for Nazi music or something===
{{quoteboxred|
From: Megan Schroeder <yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com> 
To: Christian Chandler <cwcsonichu@aol.com> 
Subject: one more favor? 
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:08 pm

Hey, I hope things go well between you and Lori.

Hope it's not a problem but I have ONE more request from [http://sailormusic.net/ Sailormusic.net]. I was going to download the ogg.vorbis thing but it didn't work...

On the international Albums could you please save all the German stuff for me please? I think each link is compressed file of several songs. Would that be ok with you? I would really like them and can't find them anywhere else...

Thanks again, I'll remember to bring Pokemon next time 
PS is it possible to save them and maybe email me the converted files? 
~Megan}}

===Chris is boring and still likes Pokemon===
{{quotebox|
−−−−−Original Message−−−−− 
From: CWCSonichu@aol.com 
To: yoshimitsuharakiri@yahoo.com Cc: polizeigewalt@aim.com 
Sent: Tue, 18 Dec 2007 8:42:27 PM Eastern Standard Time 
Subject: Hey, Megan.

Just a reminder; please reply if otherwise, but please don't forget my [[wikipedia:Memory Stick#Memory Stick Duo|Memory Stick Duo]], as well as yours and John's Pokemon Diamond/Pearl games and DS Systems for when I meet you all at The End tomorrow.

I will be sure to come with my Wii and Pokemon Battle Revolution and my [[wikipedia:Datel Action Replay|Action Replay DS]] accessory.

I will check my e-mail tomorrow in the afternoon for your reply.

Take care, and see you all tomorrow. Chris Chan.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:20070807a-Meg-Piss Off.PNG
Image:Megan 07-10-20-1.PNG
Image:Megan_07-10-20-2.PNG
</gallery></center>

{{MeganSaga}}

{{emails}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

HEXBox

2013-03-31T21:49:41Z

TrammatPusher: /* In the comics */ remove newfag cancer (XBOX IS HUEG refers to the original XBOX, the 360 isn't big)

[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]

[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[Image:LegoHexBawxController.jpg|thumb|What a CWC lego HEXBox controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of [[autistic|artistic]] talent.]]

'''HEXBox''' or '''HEX-Box''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the [[Wikipedia:Xbox 360|Xbox 360]] game console.

Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON HEXBox.

{{clear}}
==Early days==
Chris tried to sell the [[Xbox]] games [[Wikipedia:Call of Duty 2: Big Red One|''Call of Duty 2: Big Red One'']], ''[[Wikipedia:The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay|The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay]]'', [[Wikipedia:Driv3r|''Driv3r'']] and ''[[Wikipedia:Celebrity Deathmatch (video game)|Celebrity Deathmatch]]'' on [[eBay]], which makes it possible that Chris owned an [[Xbox]], though he has been known to buy games at thrift stores and sell them for a profit.

==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
{{incomplete}}

In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
 12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
 12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because [[Wikipedia:Xbox Live|the Live]] is costly.
 12:18 <vivitheg> It's only [[Chris and money|50 dollars]] a year
 12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and [[Wii]], which are FREE.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>

While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only love]], Chris failed to tell what he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox:

: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''

He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>}}

Actually, [[wikipedia:Xbox Live|Xbox Live]] has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (in US), get weekly discounts and get ''early'' access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).

Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, and considering Chris's [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]] and his habit of purchasing video game-related things on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars of debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris's opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset and nothing else.

While [[wikipedia:PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]] still lets its users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010.<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> In order to prove how strongly he believes the evilness of Hex Box Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 [[PS3#PlayStation Plus|using the Plus services]].

==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]][[Image:TrophyUnlocked.jpg|thumb]]

The HEXBox 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console while traveling past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."

Christian draws a '''red''' "[[Wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller and a pirated copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters the Xbox, deletes everything about the [[Asperpedia]], then destroys the Xbox.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of [[Alec]]'s console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door. That is, unless you have one of the new model 360s, which doesn't have those memory card slots but does have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.

Microsoft itself is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

==Change of heart?==

In [[XBox is OK.MOV|a video]] uploaded [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.|Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>}}

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2013-03-26T18:21:03Z

TrammatPusher: /* Childhood */ suburban legend. Berries of some species are mildly poisonous but even those are far from insta-death.

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah]]

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age 2 until around age 10, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] when he came back to the county after finishing [[Manchester High School]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend however, Chris seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her as compared to his childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan Schroeder]] there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Like anything that looks good in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets, playing hide and seek, and rollerskating.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is sometimes alleged to be poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its "dangers". And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and may have attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school. For most normal people this would probably be the end of the relationship.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===She got hot===
Between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> It is suggested that people don't find childhood friends to be sexually attractive due to the [[wikipedia:Westermarck Effect|Westermarck Effect]], so either Chris just feels no such effect and would bone a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] figure, or they didn't know each other well enough as kids for it to take effect. The fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, but Chris is notorious for his poor facial recognition skills. This is the man who had to stare at himself in a mirror for hours to remember what ''he'' actually looked like after all.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24</ref>

===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. The revelation that Sarah was dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]] was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurred him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

To this day, there exist no records of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], whom she eventually married and now has a child with. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

==Sarah in the comic==
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blows his wad]] right away, introducing the revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages afterwards in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]]. "Nicole," because that's her middle name, and "Rammer" because he's a fucking moron.

===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason.

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding, it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Saramah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Saramah card back.
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|Picture of human Sarah.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hammer, Sarah Nicole}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]