CWCki - User contributions [en]

Ian Brandon Anderson

2011-05-22T06:24:45Z

Uhcrepsa Evol:

{{Protip|If you're going to call Chris "Ian" on CWCki, do so only in the context of this saga.}}

[[Image:Sweetheartfromthegroundup.jpg|thumb|left|Ian the [[Sonee]] (and child) rapist.]]
[[Image:Nochian notopher.gif|frame|right|IAN BRANDON ANDERSON!!]]
[[File:JAELou2.jpg|thumb|IBA Chandler (right) with some unrelated fatass (left)]]

'''Ian Brandon Anderson''' (born '''Issac Brandon Anderson''', 24 February [[1982]]) is a psychopathic [[troll]] who took delight in impersonating and slandering the good name of [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]. The existence of this impostor was not generally known until summer [[2009]], when he opened his own [[YouTube]] account, "'''IBAChandler'''", in direct opposition to the [[True and Honest]] Chris at [[CChanSonichuCWC]]. For the sake of clarity, the Sonichu [[fan base]] has come to refer to the real Chris as "[[Liquid Chris]]", while the impostor has been dubbed "Solid Chris".

At first glance, the two men appear identical, attesting to the diabolical skill of the impostor. However, upon closer inspection, many differences become apparent, each subtle variation serving to establish Liquid as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan. For example, although Ian does indeed have [[heterochromia]], one of his eyes is blue and the other is BROWN, not GREEN. Also, while not easily seen by the untrained eye, Solid is considerably overweight. This is in stark contrast with [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|the slim, athletic, autistic hero]] depicted in the official [[Sonichu comic]]s. Finally, whereas Chris has spent a lifetime extolling the virtues of abstinence from [[alcohol]] and [[homos]]exuality, the impostor is a [[Chris's Big Night Out|heavy drinker]], and has admitted to [[Recycling|swallowing semen]].

The extent of Ian's imposture may never truly be known, since it is difficult for historians to discern which footage depicts the real CWC or the fake. It is now believed that many of the actions that [[trolls]] once ascribed to the real Chris were in fact perpetrated by Ian posting videos in Chris's [[YouTube]] accounts. This has resulted in a reconciliation between Liquid and the trolls, as they have come to recognize Ian as a mutual threat.

==Exposure==

{{Infobox/Liquid
| name = C.W.C. Impostor is REVEALED <br> (True & Original Parents Discussed)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Yjt2S8FV4Sk}}
| Stardate = 3 [[August 2009]]
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Subject Matter = {{Rumours|text}}
| Shirt = {{BrownLiquidShirt|text}}
| Other = The [[Solid Chris|fake Chris-chan]] is revealed to be none other<br/>than the evil Ian Brandon Anderson at 2:46.
| previous = [[SingStar Challenge Round 3#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|Heaven]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge Round 4#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|Think Twice]]
}}

By [[June 2009]], the real Chris's reputation was in shambles, having been accused of receiving cybersex from young boys<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref> and distributing a video of himself copulating with a sex doll.<ref>[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]</ref> Perhaps letting this success go to his head, Ian Brandon Anderson became sloppy. He is believed to have hacked the CChanSonichu YouTube account on 5 [[June 2009]], posting a series of videos which suggested that Chris is [[gay]]. After pretending to be Chris "regaining" the account on 10 June, Ian began posting a series of videos apparently showing Chris experimenting with [[alcohol]]ic beverages (and risking death in a quick-crash second). The thought of Chris betraying his ideals to this degree raised serious doubts about the veracity of the videos, although an explanation defied the Sonichu fan base.

Finally, on 21 June 2009, the answers became clear when the real Chris returned to YouTube on a new account, CChanSonichuCWC. In his first video on this account, Liquid described having been absent from YouTube for a considerable time, leading fans to ask "if the real Chris hasn't been posting videos on CChanSonichu, who has?" The situation exploded on 3 [[July 2009]] when Liquid was finally made aware of the impostor usurping his old account. Although Solid's true identity had not been established, his existence was now out in the open, and true and loyal Sonichu fans would begin to spot the myriad of tiny imperfections in his disguise.

Perhaps feeling this pressure, Ian [[The July 10th Messages|lashed out on 10 July]], causing the CChanSonichu account to be suspended altogether. It was at this point that Ian made his most fatal mistake, by not simply hacking into Liquid's YouTube but creating one of his own. Unable to contain his own hubris, the impostor could not help but to give a subtle clue with his new username: IBAChandler.

[[Image:Tgtdfw4.jpg|thumb|IBA and [[Liquid Chris]]]]

Seeking to destroy Liquid's reputation once and for all, Solid posted [[Rollin' and Trollin']] on 17 July, which claimed that the Christian Weston Chandler we all knew and loved had never really existed at all, and that it was all Solid playing a character to troll the loyal fan base. For the first time, fans saw the impostor in a new light—with a filthy beard, ill-fitting clothes which revealed his girth, and hideous tattoos along his arms—and realized that this man could not be Chris. Fans now flocked to CChanSonichuCWC, realizing that he was indeed the one.

His coup de grace having backfired, Ian posted [[CWC Trollin More]] on 19 July, claiming that the 17 July video had been a deception and that he really was what he had claimed to be. But by now it was too late.

==CWCivil War==

Using Liquid's announcement of official Sonichu merchandise for sale as a pretext, on [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 22nd, 2009|22 July]] Solid began to decry Liquid as the impostor. Of course, since Liquid really ''isn't'' the impostor, Solid was forced to use some extremely bizarre reasoning to prove his assertion, focusing primarily on the absurd claim that Liquid's beloved [[Sonichu medallion]] is made of paper. Solid also proceeded to leave inflammatory comments on Liquid's videos:

{{quote|"GIVE IT UP, Dumbass. YOU are Not Me, the Real CWC, and you Wish you Were. I Challenge you to Sow yourself in my Real Life Presence, O I can really give you a piece of my mind.

No Peace, Christian C."}}

{{Quote|"Hey, DUMBASS! YOU WISH YOU WERE ME! I would say YOU are Stuck... IN MINUS-SECOND-GEAR!

I am Calling YOU OUT!

14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA BEFORE August 2, 2009. If you really WANT to be me, then Come Face Me.

oh, BTW, YOUR NASAL VOICE IS MORE GRATING THAN THE WORD "NAIVE", and METAL NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD.

But "Naive" is even WORSE than NAILS.

You are a Nerd and a Whimp!

Have a good day. Christopher Christian Weston Chandler"}}

Of course, this challenge is insincere on its face. Since Liquid ''lives'' at 14 Branchland Ct, there was nowhere for him to go, and nothing to force Solid to show up.

In their next confrontation on 26 July, Liquid announced the development of a Sonichu video game and the beginning of his relationship with [[Kacey]]. He also revealed crucial information he had uncovered about his hated doppleganger:

<blockquote>
It is I again, Christian Weston Chandler. NOT Christopher Christian Weston Chandler as EVERYONE KNOWS I Changed my name FROM Christopher to Christian (PS: That Troll, as Some have now Informed Me, his Real Name is IAN BRANDON ANDERSON).
</blockquote>

Solid also [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|posted a video on 26 July]], apparently believing that showing a few printouts of Sonichu comics, which anyone can obtain, proves that he is the one who drew them. By now it was clear that Ian's modus operandi would be to attempt to prove his claims by demonstrating skills that the real Christian Weston Chandler also possessed. On 29 July Solid played ''[[CWC More Than A Feeling|Guitar Hero]]'' and spoke [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009#Addendum|in Spanish]]; Liquid responded by playing a real guitar and speaking four languages. Finally, in a dramatic demonstration, Ian [[Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back|shaved off his beard]], as if we would somehow forget that he had one in the first place.

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Denial: The Ian Brandon Anderson Story (trailer)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iS42GGu2f2o}}
| Stardate = 29 [[November 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GodAndTheBearFilms GodAndTheBearFilms]
| Subject = Ian Brandon Anderson
| Video Type = Moch-Trailer
}}</center>

==Contact with Kacey==

While harassing Liquid, Ian attempted to manipulate his true sweetheart and future wife [[Kacey]]. [[Kacey Phone Call|Ian spoke to Kacey over the phone]], posing as Liquid. Of course, since Ian has perfected his impersonation, even Kacey was unable to tell who she was really speaking to, causing her to reveal mature honest content and endure Ian's disgusting sexual advances. Ian would also attempt to convince Kacey that he is the true Chris in [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|a video]], where he obviously spliced together footage of Liquid drawing Sonichu with footage of Solid holding up a printout of the same drawing. Ian has consistently shown affection toward Kacey, going so far as to suggest he can only tolerate Liquid out of respect for Kacey's feelings. It is evident that this is merely a ploy to make himself look like the bigger man and thereby seduce Kacey into becoming his Woman Slave.

==SingStar Challenge==

{{main|SingStar Challenge}}

Having clearly lost his nerve in the face of the true CWC, Ian Brandon Anderson issued a challenge to Liquid, in which they would each sing five songs and let a panel of six judges (chosen by the Chrises) determine the winner. The wisdom of this proposal was seriously questioned, as it is well known that the TRUE and HONEST Chris has the voice of an angel with a [[Sonichu_Girls#Chris.27s_Posts_on_Sonichu_Girls|Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor]]. Trolls and Sonichu fans alike considered the SingStar Challenge to be a referendum on the issue of who, indeed, is the real Chris-chan.

Halfway through the contest, it was already apparent that Liquid was winning. A visibly defeated Ian began appealing to Chris's famously deep spirituality, and requested that Liquid's final song be "Lift Up Your Eyes". However, Liquid, in a daring gambit, responded by forcing the impostor to sing "Smell Yo Dick". Ian resisted, but eventually sang the song perfectly, demonstrating that he cannot be the true Chris because he likes to smell men's dicks. In the aftermath of the contest, Solid has repeatedly insisted that there was never anything at stake, and that Liquid's overwhelming victory settled nothing.

==Shit just got real==

Immediately after Chris's announcement that he would be leaving YouTube to focus on the Sonichu media empire and his beloved fiance Kacey, a video was posted on his account in which Liquid is seen restrained in a filthy room while Ian Brandon Anderson taunts him. It is believed that, as of this writing, Ian has invaded 14 Branchland Ct., captured Chris, and gained access to Chris's YouTube account. Thus far, Ian's own YouTube account has shown no indication of these events, perhaps to establish a veil of plausible deniability.

As a result of Ian's kidnapping of Chris, it can be presumed that any further authentication Ian presents has been illegally obtained from Liquid's home. Future videos in which Ian holds up academic degrees, photo albums, and Sonichu artwork cannot be taken at face value, and should not be considered evidence that Ian Brandon Anderson is the real Christopher Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler.

CWCki joins the rest of the Sonichu community in hoping for a speedy resolution to this nightmare, and offers their prayers for the safe return of Liquid Chris.

==LIQUID LIVES!==

On 15 October, a video was posted on Liquid's account, explaining how Ian kidnapped him, apparently raped while he was unconscious and left him for dead in the Sahara desert. However, being the butthurt retard he is, Ian soon after posted a video denying everything.

==Sauces==
<references />

{{The_Cwcivil_War_of_2009}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Anderson, Ian Brandon}}
[[Category:Liquid Saga]][[Category: Chris's alter egos]]

Mailbag 11

2011-05-18T18:56:46Z

Uhcrepsa Evol: Fixed link to Wesley Memorial page

__NOTOC__After answering [[Mailbag 10]], [[Chris]] sent a [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#Mailbag Issue (CCS)|message to his sysop]], requesting that future mailbags be better screened for letters that could cause [[stress]]. It would appear this request has gone ignored, as '''Mailbag 11''' has no shortage of difficult questions.

Unlike the last few mailbags, only a few of the questions are about [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Aspergers]]. Several people wrote in to ask about the disturbing deaths of [[Ivy]] and [[BILLY MAYS]]. Other highlights include a suggestion that Chris start freezing all his [[navy]], and a letter from a Sunday school teacher with a very literal take on Leviticus.

==Answered==
===Marriage counseling===
{{Email|From: Chris Hutchinson <menchib@gmail.com>
Hi Chris! I have another question for you!

Nearly all of your [[electric hedgehog pokémon]] have [[sweetheart|girlfriends]]. Has anyone ever broken up in [[cwcville]]? Or do they remain true and honest [[sweetheart]]s forever?}}
{{EmailReply|Well, that is a very interesting question. It is common for couples to their disuptes and disagreements. But in Cwcville, we offer ALL couples our small group of Relationship/Marriage Counsolers. We encourage all legitimate couples to stay with each other, because truly, there is no one who could fill the void of one or the other (respectively) as best as the current partner for either one.

On the other hand, should it go as far as wanting to get divorced or separated, we encourage the Trial Seperation, yet discourage [[Hanky-panky|sexual relations]] during the Trial. Most of the time, the couples stay together with fonder appreciation for each other. Yet, if the couple mutually still feels the need for divorce, we would honor it. Like in Cwcville, the Trial Seperation should be Legally Manditory for all cities, states and countries around the world, because each troubled couple Should at least Try to find appreciation for each other before making it Final.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== 15 years cute! ===
{{Email|From: [[wikipedia:Paul Bernardo|Paul Bernardo]] <pkbernardo12@gmail.com>
Dear Chris,

Judging by your response to Levi Johnston, you seem to know a lot much about women, so I thought I would ask for your advice.

I am 26 years old and I have [[wikipedia:Karla Homolka|a beautiful fiancee]], but I can't stop thinking about my fiancee's 15-year-old sister. I don't know how to bring it up to my fiancee that I want to have sex with her sister...do you have any advice on how to break it to her? I love my fiancee very much, but her sister turns me on so much that it's hard for me to function sometimes. My sexual frustration over being denied underage china is building up, and I fear I might become an abusive maniac over this. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

Your fan,
Paul Bernardo}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, like most people would agree, [[Pedofork|adult relations with a Minor is Illegal]], and it is Greatly Discouraged. I highly recommend you avert your sights Away from the younger sister, yet that may be difficult, but with willpower, you can find it to be very easy. Plus, if it helps, I suggest you reprogram your mind a bit; say over and over to yourself that every time you see the young one, or even picture her in your mind, Imagine Replacing Her head with the head of her Father. That should work well.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias===
{{Email|From: Sarah Lutt <FlamBai@hotmail.com>
Dear Chris,

I love the comic, but I need a guy's opinion on something.

I am a [[boyfriend free girl]], but I think that guys don't like, and won't approach me just because I'm in a wheelchair :( So, my question is this; Do you like people in wheelchairs/ disabled people in general? If not, why? Also, in one of your recent comics, did you have to portray [[Ivy]] and [[BILLY MAYS|Mr. Mays]]' deaths like that? I am a big fan of your comic but I feel that letting children read about the graphic demise of a beloved pitchman may scare them; even I was deeply upset by that page, and I never cry, but that page may be insensitive to Billy Mays fans everywhere.
Please reply soon!
Sincerely,
Sarah }}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, Billy did not die in the rescue; ONLY Ivy died there; I should have been more clear on that.

I am cool with physically disabled people, as well as [[Slow-in-the-minds|the mentally handicapped up to a certain point]]. That point being able to understand their speech. I mean no personal offense, and I understand that those individuals can not help their problems, but those with a great amount of facial deformities, who can never say any comprehendable words other than "Uh", "Argh", etc., even as far as to look zombie-like, just plain creep me out.

I apologize for the misunderstanding with Billy, and I plan on making it more clear in the pages of [[Sonichu 10|the 10th book]].

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== Another one blows some steam ===
{{Email|From: christina87@mail.com

You still haven't answered any of my previous messages. Why is that? I hate to play the "[[white knight]]" card, but you've left me no choice.
First off, your views on sexuality are ridiculous. You can't change someone's sexual orientation.It is not genetic either. It is basically an aspect of your personality. You really need to understand that. I doubt you'll read this, and probably just block my e-mail address from this account, but I really feel like I need to get to across to you. [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Your CHURCH]] is accepting of other people's lifestyles. So why do you go there if you hate "da [[homos]]" so much? You bigotries not justified, and are probably mindlessly taught to you by your parents. Start thinking for yourself, seriously. I'm not trying to insult or belittle you. Please just listen to people who are trying to help you for once. I'm sure you're a good person deep down, but you need to show people you are. It is completely normal to be of a different orientation, and you can't "get" gay from anyone else. I really would like to see you improve yourself. }}
''Chris added an email reply template to the bottom of this letter, but has yet to actually type a response. It's possible he forgot about it.''

===In which Chris is a fucking monster===
{{Email|From: James Reed <jimfnreed@gmail.com>
My name is Jim F.N. Reed, and I am a 64 year old veteran from Ohio. I spend my days working as a history teacher and golf coach, and then going home and reading your comics to my grandson, Billy. As an [[autistic]], Billy readily relates to you and your comics, and it gives me something to do besides polishing my golf clubs and rings.

However, I didn't write this here letter just to ramble about myself. I was reading your comic to Billy last night, and reached page 92 of [[Sonichu 9|issue nine]], wherein you graphically describe the death of a woman named "Ivy". Are you out of your dang mind, Mr. Chandler? I thought this was a children's comic, and you've got a quarter of that page devoted entirely to a graphic description of some poor woman dying a grisly death in an elevator. When I read that to Billy he was so shaken up he couldn't sleep all night, and then this morning when I was taking him to school, he refused to take our apartment building's elevator. The poor boy dozed off on the way down and ended up falling down fifteen flights of stairs. He's still alive, but now he's brain damaged and physically deformed, and all he does is sit around and say "Uhhhhh..."

What the hell do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Chandler?

-Jim F.N. Reed, Ohio}}
{{EmailReply|I apologize for what happened to your grandson. Ivy was a Real Person; my Girlfriend, and she died in Hanging Suicide a few months ago. It was a mistake putting real people into my comics. Because of her death, I had to remove her from the story. She was my [[Sweetheart|Girlfriend]]; [[Ego|How Do You Think I Feel?]] --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===Just plain stupid===
{{Email|From: [[wikipedia:There_Will_Be_Blood|Daniel Plainview]] <how_can_you_be_sure@hotmail.com>
Dear Christian Christopher Ricardo Weston Chandler,

I have been following your Sweetheart Search for some time, so I am curious to ask you; what would you do if you finally got laid and found out that sexual intercourse isn't nearly as gratifying as you have hyped it up to be for yourself? What if after more than a decade of wondering, hoping, and waiting, you finally meet a nice girl, get to date number three, and are left feeling cold and soulless afterward?

I only ask this because most men get to sate their hormonal urges within a 5 year window after becoming sexually curious (fyi: When I lost my [[virgin]]ity at 16, it was pretty friggin' rad... and actually it's still really rad!), but you've had probably well over a decade to wonder what it would be like... so I can't help but be curious as to whether or not this extended period of time would make having your first sexual encounter to you like watching [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace|Star Wars: Episode I]] was for many of us; not worth the wait.

My intentions are not to put you down, I just can't help but wonder if you hadn't ought to reign in your expectations. If you end up not enjoying intercourse with a female, I fear you may turn into one of those dirty homos.... and I couldn't bear that.

Your friend for life,
Daniel Plainview}}
{{EmailReply|That is Just Plain Stupid, but thank you for your input anyway. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

=== Science gets done and you'll make a neat gun ===
{{Email|From: Herp Aderp <4shbringer@gmail.com>
Hi Chris,

I'm a big fan of your work. I've read all the comics, and enjoy them all, especially the sub-episodes. The daily updates are like getting a present every day! Thank you, and keep it coming!

I have 2 questions:

1) Why don't you make more [[Captain's Log]] entries? I enjoy hearing about whats going on in your life, even if its a quick update, and would like to hear from you more often, as I'm sure your entire [[fanbase]] does!

2) Have you considered doing a more scientific "comic"? I thought your "Examining Sonichu and Rosechu" segment was brilliant, and very close to a college-level text book. Maybe doing a similar one on the (physical and mental) human reproductive system would be insightful? If you could make it into a text book (or even a chapter in one), it could be very lucrative since college text books are EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!

One more thing, I know you're a big [[Britney Spears|Brittney Spears]] fan (as am I!), and I'm wondering what you think of [[Wikipedia:Lady Gaga|Lady Gaga]]? I think she's the best thing since Brittney, and I was wondering if you've heard her music/seen her yet.

THANKS!
Herpnatious G Aderp}}
{{EmailReply|A bunch of times, I don't have a thought that I feel is worthy as a Log, but I type them in as often as I have them. I will take the scientific book under consideration. [[Wikipedia:Poker Face (Lady Gaga song)|"Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my POKER FACE."]] She's okay. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===The difference between rubbery pirates and laconic manchildren===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Joseph Joestar|Joseph Joestar]] <josephjojojoestar@gmail.com>
Hey Chris, how's it going? I like the new mailbag thing. It reminds me of the SBS sections from the manga [[Wikipedia:One Piece|One Piece]], where the author answers questions from his fans. Do you read One Piece? Is this where you got the idea for doing a mailbag?

Also, while I like the [[mailbag]] (as I've said above), I'm sometimes a little disappointed with your answers. They tend to be kind of short and simple. An example I would give is when someone asked you what you thought of gun control. Your answer was, in its entirety: "I agree with gun control".<ref>[[Mailbag 4]]</ref>

That's not enough! I want to know WHY you agree with gun control, and your opinions on the issue, not just a "yes or "no". This was just an example. Please give longer and more detailed answers to your mail. Myself and the rest of your fans would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for reading,

-Joseph "[[Wikipedia:JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|JOJO]]" Joestar}}
{{EmailReply|I see, well at some times, my mind goes blank, so I have to run to the short answer(s). --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===The obscure clauses of the Mosaic Law===
{{Email|From: Mary Sullivan <merryhappyjoy@yahoo.com>
Dear Mr. Chandler,

My name is Mary Sullivan. I am a Sunday school teacher. A parent recently came to me and told me her son was reading your [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]], and asked me to look into it in order to see if it were a wholesome Christian comic. After digging into it by searching your name online and seeing some of the videos you posted, I will have to say that I am shocked by what I found.

In particular, in one video, you quote Leviticus. However, in [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|a later video, you show yourself shaving]]. You should know that Leviticus tells us that it is unchristian to shave. Please read Leviticus 19:27: "You shall not round the edge of your head, nor shall you destroy the edge of your beard."<ref>[http://bible.cc/leviticus/19-27.htm]</ref> In another video, you are unshaven, but are sporting tattoos. I have learned later that these tattoos were indeed fake,<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> but you're still promoting an unchristian message by wearing them, as Leviticus 19:28 reads, "And you shall not make a cutting for the dead in your flesh, nor shall you make a written tattoo upon you; I am YHWH."<ref>[http://bible.cc/leviticus/19-28.htm]</ref>

These are the words of God. I would suggest you pray on this, and speak to your church counselors about Leviticus, especially on [[homos]]exuality (including lesbians), shaving, and tattoos. Until you can make amends, I can only tell parents that Sonichu is not a Christian comic, and warn them from letting their children read it.

God bless.}}
{{EmailReply|For your information, those tattos were FAKE Tattoo Sleeves that I wore for a short while. And then I respond to the rest of the message, The Bible is a Guideline to Life; [[Chris and religion|You don't have to necessarily follow it to the letter]], As Long As You Are Happy In Your Life and Living It Well. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

===In which Chris assumes none of us owns dictionaries===
{{Email|From: alan greenstein <alanboggogreenstein@gmail.com>
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening Mr. Chandler

I read your comics all the time but I was just wondering if you could please explain to me and to your fans what a [[parody]] is and how [[Sonichu]] is a Parody of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]

Thank you Very Much and Good Luck with your future

Sincerely,

Alan Greenstein }}
{{EmailReply|"Parody", a Noun, A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect.}}

===The near-obligatory autism question===
{{Email|From: Jesse Barmby <barmby.barmby@uleth.ca>
Hi Christian, I wrote to you not to long ago asking about what I can do to
have an autistic child. You suggested I read about [[autism]] on [[Wikipedia]],
because, in your own words, "raising a child with Autism is A LOT OF HARD
WORK". Boy, you were you right!

After doing some research, I found out that autistic kids such as yourself
are [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally retarded]], ugly, [[fat]], [[naive]], [[Art|can't draw]], and will usually be
[[virgin]]s forever. I also read that autistic children have [[I AM STRONG|poor muscle
tone]], which explains why you are so weak and have no strength at all.

I hope you're not offended by these comments, this is simply what I found
in my research, which you suggested that I do. You likely disagree with a
lot of these comments, but that's simply because you're too stupid to
understand. It also says that [[Aspergers]] is a type of [[autism]], but you are
so severly mentally handicapped and fat that you don't seem to be able to
comprehend this.

To follow up, because autistic people have so many problems, do you think
that they should be euthanised? If you don't know what euthanasia is
because you are mentally retarded, you can look it up on wikipedia.

Anyways, thanks for the previous response! GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME!}}
{{EmailReply|In response to your question, WHAT ARE YOU, A CRAZY MANIAC?! HELL NO! I disprove of euthanasia on the basis of mental retardation. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 06:57, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
=== Are there any naval bases in Alaska? ===
{{Email|From: Frank Capone <frnkcapone520@gmail.com>
Hello Chris-

I have been reading Sonichu for a while now and have recently seen some of your [[Youtube]] videos. In one video, you explain that you drink your own "[[navy]]" or [[semen]] after you [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[recycle]] it. I assume you mean you want to put the sperm that left your body back into your testicles.

I do not know who told you this was how the human body worked, but this is NOT true. Your digestive system is not at all connected to your reproductive system. When you ingest your semen, it will go straight to your stomach, where the acid in there will KILL all the sperm. Sperm are very fragile and cannot survive for long outside of the protection of your testicles. In fact, the moment sperm exits your body, they are destined to die unless you FREEZE THEM. The heat and power of your stomach acid would definitely kill them.

If you are truly interested in saving all of your seed for future child bearing, I suggest you put all semen you produce through masturbation into your refrigerator or, even better, your freezer. That way you can later have a doctor put the frozen sperm into your wife.

Hopefully this has helped you in your quest for your future-daughter Crystal. I sincerely hope you have not already killed the seed that would create her by drinking it.}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, I thought of the idea myself without external influence. [[Lie|Second, I have stopped doing that over a year ago.]] And the freezing idea has come to mind before, and I will consider it further.

I apologize for putting your message into the reject, but I felt it was not appropriate or cannon to and with the more appropriate letters. Thank you for your input.

--[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 04:34, 9 December 2009 (CET)}}

{{Mailbag}}