CWCki - User contributions [en]

Heterochromia

2015-12-10T21:53:17Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:Eyes.jpg|850px|EYE SEE YOU]]</center>

{{quote|Chris's eyes are very, VERY slightly different in color. It's nothing you would be able to notice unless he fucking points it out to you...or you [[Autism|just happen to notice small details like that]].|[[Emily]]}}

'''[[Wikipedia:Heterochromia|Heterochromia]]''' is a medical condition in which the [[Wikipedia:Iris (anatomy)|irises]] are differently colored. There are two kinds: complete and partial. Partial heterochromia involves a color variation within a single iris. Chris has complete heterochromia, which means one of his eyes is a different color than the other.

Chris claims that although his eyes were originally blue in [[high school]],<ref>[[Blanca Emails, August 2008]]</ref> he contracted pink eye ([[Wikipedia:Conjunctivitis|conjunctivitis]]) in his right eye, and the prescribed [[Wikipedia:Eye drop|eye drops]] turned it green. His explanation cannot be true - while some medications can cause heterochromia as a side effect, the simple antibiotic or antihistamine eye drops prescribed for conjunctivitis cannot. It's more likely that his heterochromia was genetically inherited. In school pictures taken while Chris was very young, close examination reveals that his eyes are different colors. Nevertheless, the pink eye story is one of his favorites when [[Honest Content|introducing himself to girls]].

It is also a prominent, hugely exaggerated feature of his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic self]], with one eye colored emerald green and the other a sea blue. In reality, Chris's condition isn't particularly noticeable except upon close examination, and the less kind amongst us might presume that he only plays it up for want of any other endearing characteristics. According to eyewitnesses (like the above quoted), Chris's eyes are indeed differently colored, but to nothing like the degree Chris describes or draws. Slight heterochromia is in fact fairly common in people of northern European lineage, but Chris seems to think it is exceptionally rare and that he is [[Chris and his Ego|more special for having it]].

His fictional identical twin sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] is drawn with two blue eyes instead of sharing his heterochromia; the reason for this is presumably because Chris believes he "acquired" his heterochromia. His evil homo twin [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], however, is drawn with one red eye and one orange eye. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and [[Collosal Chan]] both have heterochromia.

A close examination of Chris's eyes seems to indicate that Chris's "green" eye is actually more of a hazel/greenish shade of blue rather than a distinctly green eye that he portrays. It should also be noted that, despite the significance that Chris gives to this quirk, he often mistakenly colors his right eye blue and his left eye green in his comics. The reasons for these mistakes are speculated as stemming from his inability to visualize himself,<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> lack of attention while coloring, or inability to discern left from right. Perhaps Chris himself doesn't really notice the difference all that much.

Chris has incorporated his heterochromia into the bizarre dualism associated with his [[name change|name change]], asserting that Christopher "still lives in me, in my one blue eye."<ref>[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]</ref> Now that he's changed his name to Christine, it's anyone's guess where Christian now resides.

==Instances where Chris has mentioned his heterochromia==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"[[CWC Update 13 August 2009|My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green.]]"]]

* In his [[high school]] assignment [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]], Chris wrote that he had "[[Spanish|un ojo azul y un ojo verde]]."
* He told [[Anna]] about it in [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]], grossing her out.
* He told [[Blanca]] in an [[Blanca E-mails#Chris introduces himself with the pink eye anecdote|email]] as a self-introduction.
* He told [[Emily]] on their [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date]].
* He also brought it up with a [[Facebook messages#Christina Katherine Trevillian|17-year-old girl]] he tried to talk up on Facebook.
* To defend himself against [[Liquid Chris]]'s attempt to steal his identity, Ian brought up the heterochromia as a key identifying characteristic in a [[CWC Update 13 August 2009|video]].
* He also told [[Kacey]] about it. In a [[Kacey Call 18|phone conversation]], thanks to her dubious nursing education, she actually reinforced his belief that medication had caused the color change.
* He told [[Regina e-mails|Regina]] the pink eye story in an early [[Regina e-mails#Slightly larger hints of creepiness|email]].
* On his [[The Hook Cafe|Hook Cafe]] dating profile, he described his eyes as "L=Blue, R=Green."
* In response to a claim on [[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Eyes Make the Man|Facebook]] that people with green or blue eyes have positive personality traits, Chris had to mention that he had both.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Honest content]]
* [[Pedo-Glasses]]

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail

2015-12-10T21:52:02Z

Ultimate Paragon:

'''The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail''' was introduced in [[Sub-Episode 7]] of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], wherein Chris sucked on a beverage whilst evading [[jerkop]]s. Numerous [[Trolls]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] pointed out that the clumsy artwork make it look like Chris was fellating a big, fat [[pickle|phallus]], playing on his deeply-rooted fear of becoming a [[homo]]. In the version posted on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris has edited the Oversized Drinking Straw to look slightly less retarded:

[[Image:Chris-Straw-Retcon.JPG|center]]

It's worth noting that even the "new, improved" Drinking Straw is wider than any of cartoon Chris-Chan's fingers or thumbs, and the part above the bend is for some reason narrower than the part below. Also, given the nature of Chris's terrible artwork, it's hard to determine which of the following is correct about his "new" mouth...

'''1> ''Is his mouth wide open?'''''
:If this is the case, it would be impossible to drink in the manner depicted unless you've got vacuum lungs. The drinker's lips have to form an airtight seal around the straw in order to draw liquid up through it.

'''2> ''Has he drawn himself with massive [[niggos|niggo]] lips?'''''
:Chris's lips may have simply ballooned to an enormous size, giving the impression that [[tomgirl|he's wearing Maybelline]].

Whatever the truth may be, Chris cannot even correct any of his mistakes without finding some other way to screw up in the process.

==Gallery==

<center><gallery>
Image:Straw.jpg|Like father, like son.
Image:SWEETHEARTS.jpeg|GENTLEMEN.
Image:Slurp1.png|Slurp.
Image:Slurp2.jpg|SLURP!
Image:PVCC_44.png|SLUUUURP!
Image:Asperstraw.png|''[[Asperchu]]'' variant.
Image:Freudslipstraw.png| Could the straw be a euphemism for Chris' own bent [[duck]]?
Image:ChrisVSstrawcanvaspainting.jpg|Serious skills.
Image:Chris_chan_straw.png|Now in ink form.
Image:OversizedStrawDarkRoomPoton.png|Chris drinking from his oversized straw in a poorly-lit room, much like his own.
Image:Bbxczz.png|Also in [[anime]] style.
</gallery></center>

==See also==

*[[Get-Tar Region]]
*[[Sonichu 8]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu]]
*[[Chris and art]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Oversized Drinking Straw}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Template:CWC-isms

2015-12-10T21:46:56Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''[[CWC-isms]]'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px" |
'''[[Love Quest|Relationships]]:'''
[[Attraction Location]] |
[[Boyfriend-free girl]] |
[[Dating education]] |
[[Gal pal]] |
[[Heart level]] |
[[Sweetheart]] |
[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] |
[[Love Quest]] |
[[Noviophobia]] |
[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

'''[[Chris and sex|Sex]]:'''
[[China]] |
[[Semen|Comeuppance]] |
[[Duck]] |
[[Gaybian]] |
[[Hanky-panky]] |
[[Homos]] |
[[Honest Content]] |
[[Mass debating]] |
[[Semen|Navy]] |
[[Pickle]] |
[[Raincoat]] |
[[Recycling]] |
[[Virgin with rage]] |
[[Virginia is for Virgins]] |
[[Women's rights]]

'''[[Christian Weston Chandler|Himself]]:'''
[[Biological clock]] |
[[Butt garments]] |
[[Captain's Log]] |
[[Cherokian Clan]] |
[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] |
[[Fangs]] |
[[A Warm Fuzzy Tale|Fuzzy-wuzzies]] |
[[Honor roll]] |
[[Autism|Mental Block]] |
[[Monthly tugboat]] |
[[Muscle bra]] |
[[A Warm Fuzzy Tale|Prickly-Wicklies]] |
[[Random-access humor]] |
[[Scale of Respect]] |
[[Heart level]] |
[[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]]

'''[[Sonichu (comic)|Comics]]:'''
[[Anchuent Prophecy]] |
[[Da Update (CWC-ism)|Da Update]] |
[[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] |
[[Parody]] |
[[Sub-Episodes]] |
[[Sweetbolt]] |
[[Alcohol#In_the_comic|Reeb]]

'''[[Stress|Stressors]]:'''
[[4-cent_garbage]] |
[[HEXBox]] |
[[JERKS]] |
[[Jerkop]] |
[[Kick the Autistic]] |
[[Laughs Under Lucricities]] |
[[Manajerks]] |
[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] |
[[Tobacky]]

'''Cursewords:'''
[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] |
[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]] |
[[Naïve]] |
[[Niggos]] |
[[Pedofork]] |
[[Slow-in-the-minds]]

'''See also:''' ''[[Minor CWC-isms]]'' | ''[[Chris and English]]
|}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to [[CWC-isms]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

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Template:CWC-isms

2015-12-10T21:46:34Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''[[CWC-isms]]'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px" |
'''[[Love Quest|Relationships]]:'''
[[Attraction Location]] |
[[Boyfriend-free girl]] |
[[Dating education]] |
[[Gal pal]] |
[[Heart level]] |
[[Sweetheart]] |
[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] |
[[Love Quest]] |
[[Noviophobia]] |
[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

'''[[Chris and sex|Sex]]:'''
[[China]] |
[[Semen|Comeuppance]] |
[[Duck]] |
[[Gaybian]] |
[[Hanky-panky]] |
[[Homos]] |
[[Honest Content]] |
[[Mass debating]] |
[[Semen|Navy]] |
[[Pickle]] |
[[Raincoat]] |
[[Recycling]] |
[[Virgin with rage]] |
[[Virginia is for Virgins]] |
[[Women's rights]]

'''[[Christian Weston Chandler|Himself]]:'''
[[Biological clock]] |
[[Butt garments]] |
[[Captain's Log]] |
[[Cherokian Clan]] |
[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]] |
[[Fangs]] |
[[A Warm Fuzzy Tale|Fuzzy-wuzzies]] |
[[Honor roll]] |
[[Autism|Mental Block]] |
[[Monthly tugboat]] |
[[Muscle bra]] |
[[Prickly-Wicklies]] |
[[Random-access humor]] |
[[Scale of Respect]] |
[[Heart level]] |
[[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]]

'''[[Sonichu (comic)|Comics]]:'''
[[Anchuent Prophecy]] |
[[Da Update (CWC-ism)|Da Update]] |
[[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] |
[[Parody]] |
[[Sub-Episodes]] |
[[Sweetbolt]] |
[[Alcohol#In_the_comic|Reeb]]

'''[[Stress|Stressors]]:'''
[[4-cent_garbage]] |
[[HEXBox]] |
[[JERKS]] |
[[Jerkop]] |
[[Kick the Autistic]] |
[[Laughs Under Lucricities]] |
[[Manajerks]] |
[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] |
[[Tobacky]]

'''Cursewords:'''
[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] |
[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]] |
[[Naïve]] |
[[Niggos]] |
[[Pedofork]] |
[[Slow-in-the-minds]]

'''See also:''' ''[[Minor CWC-isms]]'' | ''[[Chris and English]]
|}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to [[CWC-isms]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

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[[Category:Navigational templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Ghostbusters

2015-12-10T01:24:50Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* See also */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|♪Let's go, Ghostbusters, let's go! Let's go, let's go!♪|[[CWC]]|<ref>[[Sonichu 7 Official Videobook]]</ref>}}
[[Image:GhostBuggy.jpg|thumb|Brings back fond childhood memories to... uh...]]

'''''Ghostbusters''''' (often '''''[[Wikipedia:Filmation|Filmation]]'s Ghostbusters''''' to avoid confusion) was a syndicated television cartoon that ran 65 episodes in late [[1986]]. If you were a child of the 80s, you probably wondered, "Why the heck is that awesome cartoon with Venkman, Egon, and Slimer called ''[[Wikipedia:The Real Ghostbusters|The '''Real''' Ghostbusters]]''?" And since there was no Wikipedia until [[2001]], your mom probably told you to stop asking stupid questions, or go outside and play. Well, thanks to a forgotten show in their back catalog, Filmation Associates (producers of shows like ''[[Homos|He-Man]]'') struck gold in [[1984]] when [[Wikipedia:Columbia Pictures|Columbia Pictures]] had a hit with a movie [[Wikipedia:Ghostbusters|of the same title]]. Filmation sued Columbia in [[1985]] over the use of the title ''Ghostbusters'', and in the ensuing settlement, Columbia agreed that it would not use that name for a cartoon based on their film. Filmation quickly cranked out a low-budget spinoff of its 1970s live-action show to capitalize on the free marketing. The results were mostly forgettable, and destined to join the vast catalog of [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|cut-rate VHS cartoons]] that populated bargain bins at local grocers in the early 1990s. In response to Filmation's legal trolling, Columbia, [[Duck|DIC Entertainment]] and [[CWC Cola|Coca-Cola Telecommuncations]] responded by calling their own cartoon series ''The'' '''''Real''''' ''Ghostbusters''. That, Christorians, is [[true and honest]].

When asked what he considers the 5 best television shows that he's ever seen, [[Chris]] was frank:

{{quote|Transformers (ALL Seasons and Sets), Sonic the Hedgehog (All Shows), Pok'emon (All Seasons), Mythbusters, Filmation's Ghostbusters (Little Care for "The Real Ghostbusters"; Jake, Eddie and Tracy WERE THE ORIGINAL REAL GHOSTBUSTERS).|CWC|<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref>}}

==Premise==
The Ghostbusters on the show lived in a headquarters called Ghost Command, where they would receive missions from a television called Skelevision. When going into action they would enter the Skelevator which would send them through an absurd, Rube Goldberg-esque system that would change their casual dress to safari outfits and then deposit them into their transport, the Ghost Buggy. The running gag in this sequence is that the team's leader, Jake Kong, Jr., has no difficulty going through the system, while the show's overweight comedy relief, Eddie Spencer, Jr., bounces around awkwardly. This "transformation sequence" was a fixture of the show, and was accompanied by the show's main theme. You can see it yourself [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgPO1J1bMDw here].

==The Sonichu Connection==
[[Image:Notthebathroom.jpg|thumb|Whoops!]]

While the average 20-something would have struggled to remember the names of the characters in ''The Real Ghostbusters'', Chris casually worked references to its forgotten namesake into an all-ages comic book. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Chris was inspired to drop in a ''[[Family Guy]]''-esque non-sequitur TV reference with ''Ghostbusters'' as the vehicle.

{{quote|Hmm... I feel as silly as the time that I temporary [sic] [[Obesity|gained weight]], became [[Slow-in-the-minds|stupid]], and went to watch television at ghost command.|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Cartoon CWC]]<ref>[[Sonichu 7]]</ref>}}

Fat, stupid Cartoon CWC (played by actor and Peter Griffin-analogue [[Sammy]]) was hanging out at Ghost Command, until he mistook the Skelevator for a restroom and entered the transformation sequence with hilarious results. That is, he repeats the Eddie Spencer gag sequence almost exactly, including his final impact in the Ghost Buggy, which moans, "Ohhh...my axels!"

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Ghostbusters (1986 TV series)|Filmation's ''Ghostbusters'']] at [[Wikipedia]]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127569/ ''Ghostbusters'' on IMDb]

==See also==
*[[Sammy]]
*[[TrollBusters]]
*[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Megagi La Skunk

2015-12-10T01:20:55Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Creation */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Megagi.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Megagi La Skunk
|-
| '''Homeland'''
|Parodyse Island
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Species'''
| Humanoid skunk
|-
| '''Creator'''
| [[Megan Schroeder]]
|}

{{quote|Whether or not you've noticed NONE of my original female characters have....[[Muscle bra|breasts]]. I just don't believe in giving animals that kind of human quality.|Megan on Megagi, [[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007#Megan gives Chris a lesson in canine anatomy|6 March 2007]]}}

{{quote|SHE DOES HAVE BREASTS. Megan Schroeder DREW THAT WAY.|Chris on Megagi, [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}

'''Megagi La Skunk''' (pronounced [mɛˈgɑːdʒi], "meh-GAW-jee"<ref>[[Sonichu 6 Official Videobook]]</ref>) is one of [[Megan Schroeder]]'s furry-inspired characters, who first appears alongside Megan as her Sailor Fighter "[[Homos|partner]]" and later begins dating [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. She has outlived her creator's presence in the comic, similar to [[Jiggliami]], except Megan was <s>(probably) not a [[trolls|troll]]</s> a [[Megan Schroeder|far greater troll than Blanca]].<ref>[[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news]]; [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Apologize or else]]</ref>

==Creation==
[[Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|thumb|left|An example of Megagi's change in personality.]]
Megagi was originally called '''[[Semen|Spunky]] Skunk''';<ref name="OriginalDrawing">[[:image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|Spunky Skunk]] by [[Megan Schroeder]]</ref> the reason why Chris changed her name is unclear (although most likely an obsession over [[Megan|someone with a similar name]]). She also did not have breasts in her original drawing<ref name="OriginalDrawing" /> or first appearances in the comic,<ref>''[[Sonichu 5]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_41 41]-[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_42 42].</ref> but Chris added them in later for [[Mass debating|unknown reasons]].

Given her name, color scheme and species, she likely constitutes a [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarism]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Tiny Toon Adventures|Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' character [[Wikipedia:Fifi La Fume|Fifi La Fume]]. She may also be a ripoff of the Sonic character Fang the Sniper (Nack the Weasel), given her color and design. Funnily enough, her colors are also the same as those used to symbolize [[homos|bisexual pride]].

Megagi used to have a somewhat different personality from the other female characters; she seemed to be the [[Silvana|tomboyish]] type, and Chris described her as being like an "Army Soldier". In [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], she calls Chris out on his shit<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/0/03/SchuComic6P21.jpg]</ref>, and she chews him out for ogling Megan when he should be saving the day. Although the rough-and-ready tomboy archetype is not exactly original, it was at least different from the typical [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] who just liked shopping. However, in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], she gets watered down just like the rest of them - [[Women's rights|girly and no personality]] - and later on in the comic she is further reduced to being [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]]'s personal cheerleader.

==Fictional biography==
===Origins===
When Megan drew the character, she wrote the words "Parody Island" next to it.<ref name="OriginalDrawing" /> This appears to refer to the place where she lives, which was renamed by Chris as "[[Parody]]se Island."<ref>[[Megan emails, 2005-2006#Chris wants to date Megan at McDonald's]]</ref> Along with three other unnamed individuals, she serves as protector of the island. She's described by Chris as being physically strong. Her scent attack is of lesser power, but is still potent.<ref>[[:image:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg|Megagi La Skunk]]'s [[Animal Crossing]] card.</ref> It should be noted that said scent attack was never seen in the comic itself.

According to her [[CWCipedia]] page, she came ''"from a mysterious land far, far away with her partner Megan Schroeder."''<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megagi_La_Skunk]</ref> However, it should be noted that her CWCipedia biography was not authored by Chris.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megagi_La_Skunk&action=history Revision history of "Megagi La Skunk"]</ref>

===''Sonichu'' #5===
Megagi and Sailor Megtune come to the rescue of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and the Chaotic Combo when threatened by [[Wes Iseli|Wes-Li]].
===''Sonichu'' #6===
[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] asks Christian to create a girlfriend for him, leading CWC to suggest that he should date one of Megan's characters.

===''Sonichu'' #7===
[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] gushes about his new girlfriend, Megagi, and taunts Chris for still being a virgin.
[[File:Betrayal.jpg|thumb|200px|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]
===''Sonichu'' #8===
Megagi shows up at Spring Break to lounge around in a bikini.
===''Sonichu'' #9===
Megagi cheers her boyfriend's triumph over Reldnahc.

===Turning on her Sailor Fighter partner===

In a series of increasingly vitriolic [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|Facebook posts]] directed at Megan, Chris [[Chris and reality|claims to have talked directly with Megagi]], who has some particularly nasty things to say about her original creator. Whilst Chris is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|known to believe]] that Sonichu and the other comic characters are real to an extent, it's still somewhat unsettling to see it weaponized to justify threats and slander.
{{quote|By the way, I have checked with Megagi La Skunk; she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist.|Chris, in an [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|open letter to Megan]] on [[Facebook]]}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:085-ChrisChanWMegagi.jpg|Chris and Megagi touch their balls.
Image:128-CChanMegagi.jpg
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|Without breasts...
Image:317-Megagi.jpg|...and with breasts.
File:Med 76 C.jpg|Megagi [[medallion]] produced and sold by Chris on [[eBay]].
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Megagi}}
*[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Doctor Robotnik

2015-12-10T01:18:00Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Retcon */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Robotnik.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Doctor Robotnik
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Height'''
| 185 cm (6' 1")
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 128 kg (282 lb)
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Scientist
|}
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a [[Chris and anger|mad]] [[Honor roll|geinus]]! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!|The good Doctor's Villain Song, [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]}}
[[Image:And your little dog too.jpg|thumb|A rendering of Robotnik in Nintendo Power]]

'''Doctor Robotnik''' (full name: '''Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik''') is the main antagonist of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] series that [[Chris]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|rips off]] for his own purposes. According to the user's manual for ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure 2|Sonic Adventure 2]]'', Robotnik has an IQ of 300, which is likely the reason Chris makes the same [[Chris and his Ego|claim about his own intelligence]].

==History==
Robotnik is briefly alluded to in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], and he makes his first actual appearance in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]] as the issue's primary villain. He also makes a guest appearance in the homemade ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine. Robotnik seems to be head research scientist for [[Giovanni]] where he orders around the enigmatic [[Bill]], a lab assistant lacking a face. He is also a member of [[PVCC|The Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], as well as the creator of Black Sonichu/[[Blake]], a clone of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] genetically engineered to be Sonichu's superior. In the same issue, he was also shown to be responsible for the creation of [[Metal Sonichu]] - ripping off his own creation, Metal Sonic (who first appeared in ''Sonic CD'').

Robotnik was last seen towards the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], where Robotnik, Giovanni, and Reldnahc hold Rosechu captive while Giovanni asks Sonichu whether he'll choose his girlfriend over CWCville. He and Reldnahc are then knocked out by an unseen force (because apparently someone KO'd them from behind or something) and they have to retreat while Reldnahc [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits]] himself in embarrassment.

==Purpose==
Robotnik's presence in the comic initially appeared to be that of an antagonist, or at the very least a supporting character as part of the evil cabal who attempts to [[Love_Quest|thwart Chris]]. The fact that he is the villain of the Sonic games also seems to reinforce the fact that Chris has [[Things Chris has ripped off|blatantly ripped off]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|a far more entertaining plot line]]. Robotnik even hints that [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] looks like Shadow upon his creation in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]].

Robotnik's goal in the whole story is never really stated. It can be assumed that he just wants to be an evil overlord like everybody else, [[Kick the Autistic|cockblocking Chris]] for the fun of it. In the actual Sonic series, Robotnik is a maniacal scientist hellbent on defeating Sonic and imposing his own view of Utopia upon the world. However, in ''Sonichu'', he just seems like a total fruitcake. Despite this, the fact that he is [[Obesity|fat]], claims to be extraordinarily [[wikipedia:Dr._Eggman#Concept_and_inspiration|intelligent]], all while being a bumbling idiot who is always defeated shows that he is actually more representative of Chris than [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|the actual comic character of Chris]].

==Retcon==
[[File:Ren metal.jpg|thumb|Ren Skysoar and [[Metal Sonichu]].]]
As with many characters, Chris [[retcon]]ned Robotnik in 2015 to a new and original character, '''Ren Skysoar''', who took Eggman's place in the new prints of the early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' issues. Chris probably made this change in a misguided attempt to make ''Sonichu'' more original, despite the fact that Skysoar is still a blatant copy of Robotnik, and the very same comic includes Sonic the Hedgehog, who would be harder to [[Bionic the Hedgehog|alter into to a less obvious ripoff]].
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Villains]]
[[Category: Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Sonichu 1

2015-12-10T01:17:30Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!" */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = issueone.jpg
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pokémon|Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of Sonic's shadow... which happens to be about the time [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's archenemy [[Doctor Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]], is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 4''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMvX-wcopVc&index=6&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 4''}}
===Synopsis===

[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Doctor Robotnik|Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Blake|Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 5''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgDvYQ5D_kM&index=7&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
| title =Black Metal Combat
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 6''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYm1BgJe5Zs&index=8&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's [[Women's rights|simplistic female brain]] and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a [[Chris and anger|mad]] [[Honor roll|geinus]]! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']]. Sonichu then frees Rosechu with an electrical spin-dash. It should also be noted that Rosechu was unable to free herself at the beginning of the episode because the bars are rubber-coated; however, Sonichu ''just'' did that, so she should have been able to do that, herself, [[Rosechu (character)#Sexism|as she has similar powers to Sonichu]]. So this is either a major plot-hole, Rosechu being incredibly stupid, or simply the fact that she's a [[Women's rights|girl]].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the Moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Shopping Center]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different (and thus legally distinct) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2{{!}}''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always fails at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "[[Obesity|fat]] man dancing in a [[Homos|gay]] [[rainbow]] vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in [[honor roll]], dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his [[Navy|comeuppance]].

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Comic==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 1
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==2015 Revisions==
On 20 [[October 2015]], Chris uploaded to [[Facebook]] 15 revised pages of Sonichu #1 which replaced Robotnik with a new character, Ren Skysoar, who "followed in Robotnik's footsteps." No other changes seem to have been made. This was in keeping with his renewed attention to his comic in this year and his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] of other issues. Characteristically, he missed at least one reference to Robotnik.

On 28 October, more radically, Chris posted two new conclusionary pages to this issue which presumably indicate that Sonic and Amy Rose were not in fact TRUE and HONEST, but actually avatars of intersex [[Silvana]], who was acting in the nefarious service of [[Slaweel]] and [[Count Graduon]].

<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 1--Revised Pages
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Son1p1.jpg
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</gallery>}}</center>

==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

==External links==
[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBSE5BYTFMVXcwaVE Download this episode as a .zip file]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 1

2015-12-10T01:10:59Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Synopsis */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #1
| cover = issueone.jpg
| coverdate = 31 March 2005
| finishedcomic = 18 April 2005
| pagecount = 45
| episodes = 4-6
| sub-episodes = 2
| previous = [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]
| next = [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
}}

'''''Sonichu'' #1''' is the second issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]]. Unlikely as it might sound, this one is actually even more [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] than [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

Having only just created [[Sonichu]] from a [[Pokémon|Pikachu]] mutated by exposure to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and his Chaos Emeralds, Chris immediately blows his wad by jumping right into the first Sonic/Sonichu team-up. (All imaginative ten-year-olds roleplay themselves in their favorite imaginary worlds, but only Christian thinks his preteen fantasies are marketable.) It would not be until [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] that the way past cool [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] would be out of Sonic's shadow... which happens to be about the time [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] starts hogging the spotlight.

In the tradition of all great comic book crossovers, ''Sonichu'' #1 pits Sonic and Sonichu against two titanic villains, namely Sonic's archenemy [[Doctor Robotnik]] and Pokémon bad guy [[Giovanni]]. It's as if he doesn't want you to forget where he stole all this shit from. Further complicating the plot, it is made clear that last issue's villain, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]], is indeed Giovanni's son, who acted on orders from his father to collect Sonichu's genetic code. Together, Robotnik and Giovanni would shake the foundations of CWCville by introducing its next major character, Bill the Scientist. Also, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] or something.

==Episode 4: Black Sonichu in "Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!"==
{{clear}}
{{Resources
| title =Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 4''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_1 ''Episode 4''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_4{{!}}''Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P1.htm ''Episode 4''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMvX-wcopVc&index=6&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 4''}}
===Synopsis===

[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] has returned to base from his battle with Sonichu in Episode 3. Although he was unable to capture Sonichu, he did obtain a sample of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]'s genetic code, which was the true purpose of the mission. His father, Team Rocket leader [[Giovanni]], congratulates him for his accomplishment. Giovanni goes on to describe his recent contact with [[Doctor Robotnic|Ivo Robotnik]], who has come to share Team Rocket's fascination with Sonichu. The bane of [[Pokémon]] and the archnemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] forge an alliance to create their own Sonichu to destroy the original, for no apparent reason.

While Team Rocket scientists conduct their genetic engineering, fate intervenes as [[Bill The Scientist]] accidentally spills his cherry cola into Sonichu's DNA. Unbothered by his colossal blunder, Bill places the contaminated sample into the resequencer, which quickly grows an imperfect duplicate of the original zappin' hedgehog. Naitsirhc immediately notices that the clone appears to be black in color, but is unsure of his suspicions.

Although Team Rocket immediately bombards the clone with messages intended to program its mind to serve their purposes, this new hedgehog proves willful enough to resist, perhaps due to the cherry cola mutation. Later, when the clone is deemed ready to release from stasis, the color alteration caused by the aforementioned cherry cola is undeniable. Robotnik finds [[Chris_and_art#Originality|the shadowy hedgehog]] oddly familiar; Naitsirhc seems disappointed that his pet should be black and names him "[[Blake|Black Sonichu]]."

Giovanni and Robotnik present "Blachu" a gift in the form of rocket boosters intended to increase his speed, the better to defeat Sonichu in battle. Black Sonichu is heavily briefed on Team Rocket's agenda, and on why his skin color was altered by the previously mentioned dose of cherry cola. Robotnik reports in with the latest intelligence gathered on Sonichu, providing vital details about his location, abilities, and personal relationships (despite the fact that all of this data was freely obtained in their last encounter). After rigorous training, Black Sonichu is judged to be superior to Sonichu, and ready for his mission.

===Advertisement 1===

''[[Sonichu Advance]]'' and ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]''.

==Episode 5: Sonichu in "Informal Meeting"==
{{Resources
| title =Informal Meeting
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 5''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_12 ''Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_5{{!}}''Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P7.htm ''Episode 5''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgDvYQ5D_kM&index=7&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 5''}}
[[Image:ProportionFail.jpg|thumb|Despite taking several art classes and claiming to be a brilliant artist, Chris fails at basic proportions.]]
Naitsirhc shows Black Sonichu a map of [[CWCville]] and the surrounding area, and explains the plan. Blachu's mission is to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu on their way from the [[Zapbud]] fields to [[Kel]]'s cottage near the lake and capture Rosechu; this will lure Sonichu into a trap prepared by Team Rocket and Robotnik.

Meanwhile, in the Zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu have a completely meaningless conversation until Kel calls Rosechu to tell the couple that dinner is ready. While Sonichu carries Rosechu back home, [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] decides to go exploring near the same area. Coincidentally, Black Sonichu is lurking in the bushes at the exact point where Sonic and Sonichu will meet. Using the enhanced speed inborn in his race, the dark-skinned creature strikes out at his betters, and abducts the helpless, virtuous, fair-skinned woman, as is his nature. Distracted by this perfidy, Sonichu collides head-on with Sonic. At the same time, Rosechu discovers, to her utter horror, that she is no longer in the arms of a pure, cultivated man but a thuggish, black brute. She demands that he release her, but the crude, leering subhuman refuses, obligated as he is to obey his masters.

Sonic and Sonichu recover from their collision and begin to bicker until they recognize one another from the battle with the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] where Sonichu was evolved from a Pikachu. The two heroes quickly compare notes, and agree to work together to save Rosechu in a historic team-up.

===Advertisement 2===
Catch the power of Sonichu in the Pokémon [[Card games|Trading Card Game]]! [[Card games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|EX-CWC]] brings new strategies with over [[The Wall of Originals|60 new cards]] with new Pokémon, trainers, and a new energy card!

This ad is the first to feature Christian's custom [[card games|trading cards]] as part of the 'official' ''Sonichu'' franchise.
 

==Episode 6: Sonic & Sonichu "Black Metal Combat"==
{{Resources
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| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 6''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_22 ''Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Episode_6{{!}}''Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P12.htm ''Episode 6''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYm1BgJe5Zs&index=8&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 6''}}
By now Black Sonichu has returned to base and Rosechu is safely imprisoned. The bars to Rosechu's cell are coated with rubber, to prevent her from destroying them with her lightning powers. Of course, there is no safeguard to prevent her from simply reaching through the bars to zap her captors, but the villains have wisely reckoned with Rosechu's [[Women's rights|simplistic female brain]] and of course fear nothing. Naitsirhc and Robotnik review their plan: Blachu will keep Sonichu preoccupied until Sonichu steps on an "X", at which point Robotnik will drop a dome over the hero to drain away his energy. Robotnik then launches into a song and dance:
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|Puttin' on the Ritz]]
{{quote|Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a [[Chris and anger|mad]] [[Honor roll|geinus]]! Robotnik, Robotnik! I create chaos with my machines! I'm the darkest evil, and I'm mean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait! The monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot! With a process I call robotization!!!}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] appears here to mock the retarded song that he himself wrote.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Sonichu have successfully tracked Black Sonichu to Team Rocket's headquarters, but someone has foolishly left a medallion near the door bearing the face of Dr. Robotnik. Sonic immediately recognizes that his old enemy is involved somehow and is now on guard for a trap. It is agreed that Sonichu will enter alone, while Sonic remains behind as backup.

Sonichu discovers Rosey, but Naitsirhc, Giovanni, and Robotnik surprise the yellow hedgehog with the arrival of Black Sonichu. A brief scuffle erupts, until Sonichu steps into position for Robotnik's dome. However, Sonic does his intervenes before Robotnik can begin the power drainage. Infuriated by Sonic, Robotnik releases his contingency plan: [[Metal Sonichu]]. Being infinitely more capable than any of Chris's characters, Sonic runs rings around Metal Sonichu, then releases Sonichu and uses the unbreakable dome to slow the mechanical hedgehog down. Sonichu and Sonic then combine forces for a Zap Cannonball attack. Metal Sonichu anticipates the attack and assumes Defense Curl to protect against it, transforming into a perfect sphere. However, this is the automaton's undoing, as the force of the Zap Cannonball attack hits Metal Sonichu like a pool cue, knocking it through a wall, straight up a mountain, and into outer space before it finally crashes into the goddamn [[The Moon|''Moon'']]. Sonichu then frees Rosechu with an electrical spin-dash. It should also be noted that Rosechu was unable to free herself at the beginning of the episode because the bars are rubber-coated; however, Sonichu ''just'' did that, so she should have been able to do that, herself, [[Rosechu (character)#Sexism|as she has similar powers to Sonichu]]. So this is either a major plot-hole, Rosechu being incredibly stupid, or simply the fact that she's a [[Women's rights|girl]].

Sonic and Sonichu mock Naitsirhc, Robotnik, and Giovanni, but when they prepare to leave Rosey balks. She turns to Black Sonichu, punching him in the face and knocking out two teeth (The miserable cur is undoubtedly elated by this opportunity to have a garish "grill" installed in his mouth.)

Meanwhile, on the Moon, [[Metal Sonichu]] is seemingly undamaged, and programmed for vengeance... eventually.

In an epilogue, we find Rosechu and [[Amy Rose]] at [[CWCville Shopping Center]], shopping for things that will make them more attractive to their male partners as [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] intended. In a chance encounter, the two girls run into one another, and are immediately struck by the fact they look exactly alike... and by the fact they are wearing different (and thus legally distinct) outfits. Amy and Rosey of course find they have many things in common, but being mere females they cannot hope to have a meaningful conversation about this serendipity and descend into trivial banter. Christian Chandler again interrupts the story to lightheartedly rescue us from the agony of having to listen to women talk without the promise of earning sex.

===CWC's Art Gallery!===
[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]: This appears to be the cover of the band's first album, set in a zany green background, and without frontman CWC pasted into the middle.

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512041935556957.1073741827.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_1/Page_37 ''Sub-Episode 2''
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| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic2P19.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''}}
[[Image:Unlikelyprospect.jpg|thumb|Even characters Chris creates himself have a hard time believing the turn of events, given the fact Chris always fails at doing anything.]]
This legendary installment dramatizes the real-life incident in which Chris was trolled by [[Hanna|a girl at the mall]] during his [[Love Quest]].

We begin with Christian sitting in what is presumably the food court at a local mall, again contemplating his seemingly endless quest. A graphic alerts us to the fact that his [[heart level]] has not recovered fully from the last time his heart was shattered; he is currently at 20%. He resolves to resume attracting women as soon as he finishes his Chicken McNuggets, but his thoughts are interrupted by the timely arrival of a young woman named [[Hanna]]. As if she is too good to be true, she employs the same blunt protocol Chris would use, dispensing with small talk to announce that she heard Chris needs a girlfriend and that she would like to have coffee with him. Having prepared for this moment for years, Chris plays it cool and makes the date, but once Hanna is out of sight he erupts into a rainbow joygasm as his heart is repaired to 100%.

In an act of revisionism that only George Lucas could rival, Chris would later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|replace]] the infamous "[[Obesity|fat]] man dancing in a [[Homos|gay]] [[rainbow]] vortex" version of this page with a new one, in which he is depicted outside the gates of Heaven, as though he jumped for joy so high he had rocketed briefly into the stratosphere.

Seconds after his return from the rainbow vortex (or Heaven), Chris is at Starbucks for the date that won't occur for another fifteen minutes. He is elated beyond belief, and eagerly shares his joy with Rosechu, who is--as ever--shopping at the mall and gossiping to her friends. Later, when Hanna arrives and greetings are exchanged, Chris pulls out pen and paper and takes detailed notes as he asks her about her hobbies. He learns that Hanna enjoys playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck. Hanna quickly finds the key to Chris's heart by asking about his [[Sonichu medallion]] and [[Scrapbook of Fail]]. At the conclusion of this date, Chris makes sure to give Hanna what is described as a "Double-Take" flirt, which sounds like something that Chris would do in a painfully awkward manner.

Later, while Chris is loitering in the mall telling his mother that he talked to a girl, Rosechu overhears Hanna and her friends talking about how Hanna was pretending to like Chris as a prank conceived by her boss. For a moment Rosechu is left aghast by her dilemma, but like all women she is innately purehearted and good, so she makes the right choice to tell Chris the unfortunate truth. When she finds him, he is looking up pick-up lines on ''[[Sprung]]'' to use on Hanna (which makes no sense because he has already picked her up). It is difficult for Rosechu to break the news, and even more difficult for Chris to accept it. Outraged, he rushes off to confront Hanna, demanding the truth. Hanna admits that she was only faking, but is nevertheless upset about the deception, as no woman truly wants to harm Christian Chandler. But Chris pushes on, insisting that she must have nonetheless come to appreciate him during their mini-date. Hanna's answer is stark and unyielding: "No."

His heart shattered back down to 15%, Chris calmly excuses himself, then cries out in anguish:

{{quote|NOOOOOOOOO!!!}}

Undaunted in the face of abject defeat, Chris composes a heartfelt email to Hanna, making sure she is aware of the emotional pain she has caused him while also making sure she knows he'll take her back as long as she doesn't smoke and doesn't already have a boyfriend. In closing, Christian points out that he was in [[honor roll]], dammit, so she should totally want to swallow his [[Navy|comeuppance]].

===Advertisement 3===
''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'', coming never to [[Nintendo]] GameCube.

==Comic==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 1
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==2015 Revisions==
On 20 [[October 2015]], Chris uploaded to [[Facebook]] 15 revised pages of Sonichu #1 which replaced Robotnik with a new character, Ren Skysoar, who "followed in Robotnik's footsteps." No other changes seem to have been made. This was in keeping with his renewed attention to his comic in this year and his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] of other issues. Characteristically, he missed at least one reference to Robotnik.

On 28 October, more radically, Chris posted two new conclusionary pages to this issue which presumably indicate that Sonic and Amy Rose were not in fact TRUE and HONEST, but actually avatars of intersex [[Silvana]], who was acting in the nefarious service of [[Slaweel]] and [[Count Graduon]].

<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 1--Revised Pages
|<gallery perrow="5">
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==See Also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Blake]]
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
*[[Hanna]]

==External links==
[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBSE5BYTFMVXcwaVE Download this episode as a .zip file]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonic the Hedgehog

2015-12-10T01:08:51Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Shadow the Hedgehog */

{{quote|[I] looked up to Sonic the Hedgehog as my lifelong hero, because he's not only quck in the feet, but also [[Slow-in-the-minds|in the head]].|[[Christian Weston Chandler]]<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 20]]</ref>}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Sanek.png|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Sonic
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Length'''
| 3'3" (100 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 77 lbs (35 kg)
|-
| '''Species'''
| Hedgehog
|-
|'''Arm color'''
| Blue
|}
'''Sonic the Hedgehog''' is a [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue armed]] fictional character that was created by [[Video games|Sega]] in order to serve as their main mascot (replacing [[Wikipedia:Alex Kidd|Alex Kidd]]), as well as to compete against [[Nintendo]]'s Mario. He is also one of the primary characters from which the much-beloved [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] draws inspiration.

Chris claims that Sonic has been his "life long hero"<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPv7MqvrDK0&feature=player_embedded#!</ref> since June [[1990]][''sic'']<ref>''Sonic the Hedgehog'' wasn't released until June [[1991]] - see [[Wikipedia:Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(video_game)|here]]. Interestingly, this is also a question on Chris's [[Quizzes#Sonic_the_Hedgehog_History|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' MyBuzz quiz]] which Chris assigns the right answer of June 1991.</ref>, replacing [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|The American Rabbit]].<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation CWCipedia article on Sonichu]</ref> Chris confirmed his loyalty to Sonic in 2014 when Sega's outrageous decision to temporarily change the non-canonical Sonic's arm color to blue forced Chris to [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalize stores and physically injure employees]].

==History==
Chris likely first learned about Sonic from a magazine promotion of the series from late 1990, involving the basic plot of Sonic running around to defeat [[Doctor Robotnik]], who was portrayed as a [[Obesity|plump]], egotistical man who would endeavor to conquer Mobius and destroy Sonic, failing spectacularly each time. A show based on the games called [[Wikipedia:Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog|''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'']] was promoted via a [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|contest]], with the grand prize being a [[Chris and money|$1,000 video game shopping spree]]. Chris was one of the two winners of the shopping spree and was featured in a news story about the contest, one of the biggest moments (if not ''the'' biggest moment) in his early life, spreading its influence far and wide, from his decisions to enter contests (cf. [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]], [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|''Harvey Birdman'' Commercial]], [[Pixelated PS3]]) to the eventual creation of [[Sonichu]]. Chris's loyalty was so strong that he was visibly upset when told by bullies that Sonic was dead.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 9|Jackie Chat #9]]</ref>

==Sonic Boom protests==

{{Main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

In [[June 2014]], Chris announced he was boycotting the TV and video game series ''Sonic Boom'' because of the fact that they changed the color of Sonic's arms from a flesh color to blue. Chris claims that this "U-turn" in design has caused him to "literally lose a bunch of sleep and peace of mind"{{cite}}. This was later enforced in [[October 2014|October]] when he posted two photos of himself holding up a Sonic doll with a grim face. Note that ''Sonic Boom'' is not considered canon and the color change is probably not permanent. Furthermore, the fact that Chris focuses exclusively on Sonic's blue arms instead of any of the other changes made to the character designs raises a lot of questions. It is also worth mentioning that even Chris's '''[[white knight|white knights]]''', including [[William Elliott Waterman]], criticised him for overreacting instead of defending him. The discouragement evidently only fanned the flames, however; Chris's anger towards the game only worsened and ended up getting him in deep trouble (see below).

On 17 [[November 2014]], in a post to the Facebook group ''Keep Sonic Original'', Chris revealed that his [[tard rage]] extended to getting into a dispute with several "Blue Arm Promoters" (The "security" [[jerkop|janekop]] and the [[manajerks|manajerk]]) at the [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] [[Get-Tar Region|Target]]). The focus of Chris's debate was the "Sensory Overloading of the Blue Arms" and how the Target store should NOT stock games based on popular demand, but instead based on Chris's whims and requests. Although Chris claims that the discussion ended peacefully he still went on to encourage the people of ''Keep Sonic Original'' to help their noble cause by harassing the two janekops involved into sending the ''Sonic Boom'' stock back to the manufacturers, as if mall security had any influence over that.

Chris's rage fulminated when, on [[26 December 2014]], he went to his local [[GameStop]] (which he was [[banned]] from) to vandalise ''Sonic Boom'' store merchandise, maced a bystanding employee on his way out, and got arrested for [[Chris and the Law|breaking 3 laws]] in a single day.

==Role in the comics==
Sonic first appears in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as Super Sonic battling the [[Perfect Chaos Monster]] in [[Station Square]]. Whilst battling him, a [[Pikachu]] comes to fight Perfect Chaos and is tackled by Sonic. The power of the Chaos Emeralds mutates said Pikachu into [[Sonichu]], who then defeats Perfect Chaos.

[[Sonichu 1|In the following issue]], he crashes into Sonichu again. After recognizing each other, they team up in order to rescue [[Rosechu]] from the clutches of [[Black Sonichu]].

Other than being the catalyst for the creation of Sonichu and teaming up with him in the second issue, Sonic serves no other purpose. He disappears after issue #1, never mentioned again until [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], where [[Robbie]] sickeningly refers to him as "Uncle Sonic".

===Tails's lack of a role in the comics===
'''Miles "Tails" Prower''' is Sonic's sidekick, and has been in the franchise since [[Wikipedia:Sonic The Hedgehog 2|''Sonic the Hedgehog II'']] was released in [[1992]] for the [[Wikipedia:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]. He has been featured in almost every form of ''Sonic''-related media such as cartoons, anime, and comic books. As such, many have been perplexed on why neither he nor an idiot ripoff (likely named "Prowerlo Sonichu") has had a role in ''Sonichu''. An orange character who's probably meant to be Tails can be seen in the background of a [[Scrapbook]] [[:Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|drawing of Sonic and Sonichu]] and he is also briefly featured in a fancomic [[PandaHalo]] made and Chris added to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but other than that neither Tails nor a recolor of him appear in the Sonichu universe.
[[Image:0860-Cwcville9.JPG|thumb|He did make a [[Lego]] version of Tails.]]
Chris has refused to include Tails in his comics, despite ripping off Knuckles and Shadow and featuring an [[Transformers|Autobot]] named "[[Prower]]". Contrary to what some believe, it is not likely Tails was omitted because of the rumors (made by [[BlueSpike|thirteen-year-olds]] on [[GameFAQs]] and Newgrounds) that Sonic and Tails were a [[homos|gay]] couple. Chris said that "I just did not feel need for a Tails-like Character in the stories. I disagree with all the rumors against Tails; if you read the [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (comics)|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Comic Book Series]] from Archie Comics, Tails gets a Girlfriend."<ref>[[Mailbag_21#Why no Tails?|Mailbag #21]]</ref> He later claims that he "did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic."<ref>[[Mailbag_38#Chris is an expert matchmaker|Mailbag #38]]</ref>
Despite this, Chris ''did'' create two Tails-like [[Pokémon]] named Evails and Supreon (an evolution of the former), though they only appeared on the [[Wall of Originals]]. Tails also gets a mention in "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", a Sonichu short story which predates the comics.

[[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] might be the closest a Sonichu character has ever come to ripping off Tails. While they're nothing alike in their looks or personalities ([[Chris_and_writing#Characterization|or lack thereof]], in the case of Wild.),Wild does state in [[Sonichu 3]] that he can use his tail as a propeller, an ability also shared by Tails.

== Amy Rose ==
'''Amy Rose''' is a ''[[Sonic]]'' character created in [[1993]], making her first appearance in the game [[Wikipedia:Sonic CD|''Sonic CD'']]. She serves as the self-proclaimed love interest of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In fleshing out the world of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], Chris quickly ripped off the character to serve as Sonichu's girlfriend, [[Rosechu]].

[[Image:Chrischan_traced.jpg|thumb|Yep, definitely different.]]

While Chris at least made an effort to disguise Sonichu's source material by re-colouring him, Rosechu is nearly indistinguishable from Amy Rose. Like Amy Rose, Rosechu has green eyes and pink fur, with the spines on her head arranged to resemble a bob haircut. Both wear red boots and dresses, with Rosechu's having a blue trim in a slightly different pattern to Amy's white trim. Visually, the only obvious distinction between the two is the [[Raichu]] tail Rosechu has, and the spines on the center of Amy's forehead, which Rosechu lacks. It should be noted, however, that when Chris draws Amy, he [[Chris and art|fails]] to draw the forehead spines properly, resulting in an even closer resemblance.

{{quote|MAJOR Differences between Amy and Rosie; Amy never had spikes on her back, the clothes are Different; Rosie’s Headband is White, not Red, and Rosechu has a modern girl kinda attitude, and lucky for her, Sonichu RARELY runs away from her charms. And, of course, she has her Electric-Type Attacks to boot.|Christian Weston Chandler, damning himself with [[The Sonichu Chronicles|faint praise]].}}

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose2.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Even Chris is bored with this sexist gabfest.]]

As Chris points out, the only real difference between Amy and Rosechu in terms of characterization is that while Amy's crush on Sonic is unreciprocated, Sonichu has been sucking face with Rosechu since the [[Sonichu 0|day they met]]. Obviously, this hardly marks a difference in their ''personality''. If anything, it says more about the differences between Sonic and Sonichu, since they respond differently to affection. Since she's already made her romantic conquest, Rosechu is free to pursue the life of a "modern girl", which apparently means [[Sonichu 8|raping people's faces]] and producing [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|terrifying amateur pornography]].

[[Image: Rosechu-AmyRose1.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Sheesh, they even think the same words.]]

As an epilogue to the Sonichu/Sonic team-up in [[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]], Rosechu happens to meet Amy in [[CWCville Mall]]. With no hint of irony, the two remark upon how similar they are, and engage in a [[Women's rights|vapid conversation about shopping and relationships]].

== Shadow the Hedgehog ==
Introduced in [[2001]]'s [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure 2|''Sonic Adventure 2'']], '''Shadow the Hedgehog''' is an anti-hero version of Sonic the Hedgehog. As he quickly became a fan favorite among the ''Sonic'' family of characters, it was only a matter of time before [[Chris]] decided to "create" another [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

Unlike Rosechu, who is virtually identical to Amy, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] (later retconned to Blake) only resembles Shadow in his color scheme and tenuous allegiance to the forces of evil. While Shadow is primarily motivated by his desire to learn about his mysterious past, Black Sonichu was informed of every aspect of his creation by [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]. Most notably, while Shadow is intended to be a dark and edgy character, Black Sonichu is basically just a punk, committing blatant mischief for very transparent motives.

While this might seem to make Black Sonichu halfway original, it really only means that he's a poor copy of Sonichu instead of a slightly less poor copy of Shadow. Blake's only real claim to individuality was that he acted like an asshole; since falling for [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he doesn't even have that going for him.

Shadow makes one appearance in the ''Sonichu'' canon when he shows up as a drummer for [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], but is later replaced by [[Punchy Sonichu]].

==Comics==
[[File:Sth189.jpg|thumb|right|More likely than not a bigger inspiration than the games series itself.]]

Sonic comics are almost as numerous as the games themselves, pumped out at a whim for a buck; they even made series specific for each region of the world. The one Chris is familiar with is the one published by Archie Comics, published in, obviously, [[United States of America|America]].

Chris has hinted at and mentioned that he is familiar with this comic series, and the layout of his comics tends to replicate the style of early Archie ''Sonic'' covers. Reldnahc's calling Chris "Prime-Chan" in the comic may be a reference to the character [[Wikipedia:List_of_Sonic_the_Hedgehog_comic_book_characters#Evil_Sonic.2FScourge_the_Hedgehog|Scourge the Hedgehog]], an evil version of Sonic from another dimension; Sonic is referred to as "Sonic Prime" when dealing with inter-dimensional storylines. Chris has also been known to trace images from an early special of the comic, "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles", for the basis of some of his fight scenes, and one of the early shorts, entitled "Sonichu 25 Years Later," takes its name from a 2004 arc called "Mobius 25 Years Later." Whether he still reads the comics now or not is unknown. He has stated that he would like ''Sonichu'' to be published by Archie Comics.<ref>[[IRC (22 December 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble Chat #6]]</ref> If Chris still reads it, it will probably be a source of plagiarism and mass-debating for years to come.

Starting in [[April 2010]], [[Sony]] began releasing the Archie ''Sonic'' comics for download via the [[Playstation Network]].<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/22/playstation-comics-store-update-17/ PlayStation Comics Store Update]</ref> The likelihood that Chris has purchased them? [[Chris and money|Close to 100%.]]

==Plagiarism==
To put it bluntly, Sonichu is a [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement.]] Chris tries to work around this fact by claiming that Sonichu is a [[parody]] of Sonic the Hedgehog, but Chris clearly does not understand what the word means, as Sonichu does not derive humor or provide commentary on the original franchise.

Though, since Ken Penders, former writer of the Archie Comics, can claim copyright on his Knuckles Ripoffs, then there's hope for Chris yet.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Modern-classic.png|Sonic with his 90's counterpart.
Image:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|Chris drew this in between ages 8 and 28. Notice the [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue-colored arms]].
Image:075-SonicAndSonichu.jpg|He's a street smart cop with twenty years on the force! He's a rookie straight out of academy! Together, they fight crime!
Image:063-SonicVsSonichu.jpg|Because we all like to see our favorite heroes crossover one day! [[Sonichu 1|Oh wait!]]
Image:0065-Sonic.jpg|Sonic looking an awful lot like Chris.
Image:326-SonicJamCard.jpg|...I thought the answer was "Aim for the [[Sonichu 4|sourdough region]]"?
Image:327-SonicJamCardBck.jpg|[[6 June 2010|Yep,]] [[Don't Mess With Me|that]] [[Sonichu 10|most]] [[Autism Tutorial Extra|certainly ]][[28 October 2011|taught]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|him.]]
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|0-0 [http://www.geekologie.com/2009/12/um_yeah_maybe_get_somebody_els.php Geekologie Reader] does not approve of Chris's artwork.
Image:447-CWCSonicPlate.JPG|Sonic the Blowfish
Image:468-SonicCup.JPG|Chris makes his own [[Jimmy Hill|unlicensed ''Sonic'' merchandise]].
Image:469-SonicCupSide.JPG|Hello, lawsuit.
Image:0064-ChristianWSonic.jpg|Chris was so excited, he produced [[dirty, crapped briefs]].
Image:0077-SonicDoll.jpg|Chris still has this doll and it has seen [[For Julie's Eyes Only|horrible things]].
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[Doctor Robotnik]]
* [[Chris and copyright]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [[Wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic the Hedgehog]] on [[Wikipedia]]

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Stubs|Sonic the Hedgehog]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Blue Armed]]

It's not that cold

2015-10-04T01:02:18Z

Ultimate Paragon:

'''It's not that cold''', also known as '''101 2464''', is a bizarre, ''[[Random-access humor|surreal]]'' video [[Chris]] uploaded on 9 [[August 2011]]. In it, Chris is directly outside of his house, dressed in a red [[muscle bra]] and an [[Chris and fashion|ill-fitting miniskirt]]. Chris "digs up" [[Patti]], wears her fur as a coat, and poorly hums the song "[[wikipedia:Goodbye Horses|Goodbye Horses]]" by Q Lazzarus while making references to ''[[wikipedia:The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]'' (fitting, considering the extent to which Tomgirl Chris resembles Jame Gumb). However, it's far more likely that he's simply imitating a scene from [[Family Guy]] that parodies it, in particular, the episode ''"Stew-Roids"'', where Chris Griffin is exposed on film doing the exact same thing.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's not that cold
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FTS2n3A7Gzc}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Redbra|text}}
| previous = [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| next = [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Would you mount and do me.jpg|thumb|right|Reality was much more horrifying.]]
''[Chris walks into frame and crosses his arms over his chest. He shakes his head]''

Ooh…brrrr…ooh, sure is cold out here…ooohh. Could really use, uh, somethin' to…k-keep me warm right now...or something.

''[Chris begins to mime digging a hole]''

''[Chris starts humming, then puts on the Safety Parka and wraps fur around his neck, holding it in place]''

There we are! All nice and snuggley warm...and cozy. Thank you [[Patti Chandler|Patti]]! Now we are [[speech impediment|togedder]], forever.

''[Continues humming, and shows his ass to the camera, pulling up his skirt]''

Would you fuck me, [[/cwc/|789chan]]? I'd fuck me.

''[Chris pats his ass, continues humming and begins to dance around like [[Wikipedia:Buffalo Bill (character)|Buffalo Bill]] before sauntering over to the camera]''

I'd--''[The video cuts off before Chris continues]''

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Silence Of The Chris-Trans
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JIZkf_hKGmA}}
| maker = KeithTheL00N
| stardate = 10 August 2011
| type = Fake Movie Trailer
}}

{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = He's Baaaaaaaaaack!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UlihS-rSnV4}}
| maker = DrNurse
| stardate = 10 [[August 2011]]
| type = Welcome Home Tribute
}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]|nextlink=[[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-09 i]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

Brushfire Video

2015-10-04T01:00:58Z

Ultimate Paragon:

The '''Brushfire Video''' (officially '''Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!''') is a video uploaded by Chris to [[YouTube]] on 6 [[November 2014]]. The video was posted in conjunction with a [[November 2014 Facebook Posts#The Shovel Mech Horror|rant]] on [[Facebook]] that Chris made while observing a [[JERKS|man]] on an excavator trying to put out a very small [[PandaHalo|brushfire]] near his [[Rental House|house]]. The video features an actual conversation between Chris and Barb, the likes of which had not been seen since [[You're Always Pretty]]. The crunching and plinking sounds imply that it was shot rather nonchalantly during breakfast or lunch.

The video has better quality than [[Chris and cinematography|usual]], having apparently been made with the YouTube Capture app on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]]. It is, however, quite possibly one of the shakiest videos he has made this side of [[Sonichu's Edge]].

Note that the long title of the video reveals the address of his temporary home, Chris having learned nothing about revealing personal information despite all his troubles. He thought that his [[trolls|detractors]] would be unable to find the video by putting it in "Unlisted" mode on YouTube. It didn't work.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mf6gEYRHxA8}}
| stardate = 6 [[November 2014]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Hypocrisy]]}}, {{Website|[[YouTube]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| previous = [[To Mr. Smith]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Mario_Circuit_Again|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
}}

==Transcript==
[''The first bit of the video is silent. "The Hills Are Alive" plays in the background. The camera takes a view out the window of an excavator struggling to put a brushfire out. Nine seconds in, there is a jump cut to a new shot of the window. At the 1:17 mark, [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] presumably tells Chris that the excavator is none of his business.'']

Well, it IS my business, I'm livin' right...next door to dis here. [''Plenty of crunching and rustling sounds can be heard in the background. At 1:36, Barb asks "Are you watching from upstairs?"'']

YEAH, and I'm RECORDING it on my iPod! Video! Mmhem. Yeah, you see what he's...you see, he moved his...shovel mech, and he's...lookin' like he's trying to, he's either stokin' it, or he's trying to put it out! [''Barb talks again inaudibly.''] Well, he could try covering it with the dirt, [[Speech impediment|nanowats]], that's what's looks like he is doing right now!

[''More silence, then two grunts from Chris and plenty of rattling, followed by more silence. Barb says something that can't be heard.'']

YOU LOOKED FROM DOWNSTAIRS OR OUTSIDE? [''Barb inaudibly replies.''] YEAH. [''Some keys jingle in the background.''] Ey, [[Snoopy]]. [''More silence.''] This can go on YouTube. "Shoveling Male Idiot Tries to Put Out Fire...Surrounding a Forest...and...Neighborhood!" An' there's a lake nearby. Y'know WHAT? He could scoop some water and put it OVER the damn fire! [''More silence.''] Amamatried callin' 911, but guess what? The [[Jerkop|darn idiots]] won't...listen. They think, "He's not [[Chris and the Law|breakin' any LAAAAHZ]]!" Consarnit, they don't have a lick a' [[Chris and reality|common sense]]!

Oh, LOOK at this now! [''pause''] He drivin' away from the damn fire....oh, wait, he turnin' around! [''The music suddenly changes, as Barb's phone starts ringing. The ringtone is "[[wikipedia:Street Life (The Crusaders album)|Street Life]]" by The Crusaders.''] Oh, now what? Eymuna--

[''Jump cut to a new shot of the window. More silence, with the song "It Might as Well Be Spring" in the background and either [[Clover]] or Snoopy howling. The excavator stops screwing around with the fire and rolls up the hill. Chris uses his [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] voice.''] Yep, I'm driving away! I stoked the fire, and now I'm driving away! I'm an idiot or somethin', look at me! I'm driving away from the fire after I darn stoked it! And the wind it heavy over here, I can feel it! And now I just turn myself around. And now I'm gonna sit here and watch the damn fire some more! [''normal voice''] Somebody, please call 911 and tell 'em to get over here!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Mr. Smith]]|nextlink=[[26 December 2014|Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Brushfire Video

2015-10-04T01:00:35Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Transcript */

The '''Brushfire Video''' (officially '''Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!''') is a video uploaded by Chris to [[YouTube]] on 6 [[November 2014]]. The video was posted in conjunction with a [[November 2014 Facebook Posts#The Shovel Mech Horror|rant]] on [[Facebook]] that Chris made while observing a man on an excavator trying to put out a very small [[PandaHalo|brushfire]] near his [[Rental House|house]]. The video features an actual conversation between Chris and Barb, the likes of which had not been seen since [[You're Always Pretty]]. The crunching and plinking sounds imply that it was shot rather nonchalantly during breakfast or lunch.

The video has better quality than [[Chris and cinematography|usual]], having apparently been made with the YouTube Capture app on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]]. It is, however, quite possibly one of the shakiest videos he has made this side of [[Sonichu's Edge]].

Note that the long title of the video reveals the address of his temporary home, Chris having learned nothing about revealing personal information despite all his troubles. He thought that his [[trolls|detractors]] would be unable to find the video by putting it in "Unlisted" mode on YouTube. It didn't work.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Male Idiot tries to put out fire, and Sits There. Someone, please call 911 for Flintstone Drive!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mf6gEYRHxA8}}
| stardate = 6 [[November 2014]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Hypocrisy]]}}, {{Website|[[YouTube]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| previous = [[To Mr. Smith]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_8_Videos#Mario_Circuit_Again|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - Mario Circuit]]
}}

==Transcript==
[''The first bit of the video is silent. "The Hills Are Alive" plays in the background. The camera takes a view out the window of an excavator struggling to put a brushfire out. Nine seconds in, there is a jump cut to a new shot of the window. At the 1:17 mark, [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] presumably tells Chris that the excavator is none of his business.'']

Well, it IS my business, I'm livin' right...next door to dis here. [''Plenty of crunching and rustling sounds can be heard in the background. At 1:36, Barb asks "Are you watching from upstairs?"'']

YEAH, and I'm RECORDING it on my iPod! Video! Mmhem. Yeah, you see what he's...you see, he moved his...shovel mech, and he's...lookin' like he's trying to, he's either stokin' it, or he's trying to put it out! [''Barb talks again inaudibly.''] Well, he could try covering it with the dirt, [[Speech impediment|nanowats]], that's what's looks like he is doing right now!

[''More silence, then two grunts from Chris and plenty of rattling, followed by more silence. Barb says something that can't be heard.'']

YOU LOOKED FROM DOWNSTAIRS OR OUTSIDE? [''Barb inaudibly replies.''] YEAH. [''Some keys jingle in the background.''] Ey, [[Snoopy]]. [''More silence.''] This can go on YouTube. "Shoveling Male Idiot Tries to Put Out Fire...Surrounding a Forest...and...Neighborhood!" An' there's a lake nearby. Y'know WHAT? He could scoop some water and put it OVER the damn fire! [''More silence.''] Amamatried callin' 911, but guess what? The [[Jerkop|darn idiots]] won't...listen. They think, "He's not [[Chris and the Law|breakin' any LAAAAHZ]]!" Consarnit, they don't have a lick a' [[Chris and reality|common sense]]!

Oh, LOOK at this now! [''pause''] He drivin' away from the damn fire....oh, wait, he turnin' around! [''The music suddenly changes, as Barb's phone starts ringing. The ringtone is "[[wikipedia:Street Life (The Crusaders album)|Street Life]]" by The Crusaders.''] Oh, now what? Eymuna--

[''Jump cut to a new shot of the window. More silence, with the song "It Might as Well Be Spring" in the background and either [[Clover]] or Snoopy howling. The excavator stops screwing around with the fire and rolls up the hill. Chris uses his [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] voice.''] Yep, I'm driving away! I stoked the fire, and now I'm driving away! I'm an idiot or somethin', look at me! I'm driving away from the fire after I darn stoked it! And the wind it heavy over here, I can feel it! And now I just turn myself around. And now I'm gonna sit here and watch the damn fire some more! [''normal voice''] Somebody, please call 911 and tell 'em to get over here!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[To Mr. Smith]]|nextlink=[[26 December 2014|Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee]]}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]

Power Rangers

2015-10-04T00:54:43Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Power Rangers and Chris */

'''''Power Rangers''''' is the name of the franchise spanning nearly two decades that adapted the Japanese [[Wikipedia:tokusatsu|tokusatsu]] ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' series for Western viewers. Debuting on Fox Kids, and eventually moving over to ABC Kids and Nickelodeon, the show centers around a team of teenagers / young adults, armed with sophisticated weaponry and gadgets, giant machines that combine into even bigger machines, and wear [[Autism|brightly]]-[[Chris and fashion|colored]] [[Homos|spandex]] while fighting monstrous aliens. It was a smash hit when it first aired in the early [[1990's]], and while most of the children who enjoyed the original series have long since grown up, new seasons continue to be produced.

And just like everything else, [[Chris]] got his grubby little hands on them.

== Power Rangers and Chris ==
Not much is known about how much Chris enjoyed the Power Rangers franchise, though it is known that Chris prefers the original ''[[Wikipedia:Mighty Morphin Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]]'' over the newer series...

{{quote|REVIVE ZORDON AND GET THE POWER RANGERS BACK TOGETHER, WHICH WAS MOST AWESOME!!! (COMPARED TO TODAY'S C***PY "POWER RANGERS")|Excerpt from the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] single "[[Revive Zordon]]", as depicted in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}

Chris is likely either [[naïve|unaware]] that [[Wikipedia:Thuy Trang|Thuy Trang]], the actress who played Trini, the Yellow Ranger, [[Chris and death|died]] tragically in [[2001]]; that, or he is simply [[Patti-Chan|in denial about it]]. Either way, it renders such a reunion a complete impossibility. As well, a few of the actors, notably [[Wikipedia:Amy Jo Johnson|Amy Jo Johnson]] (who played Kimberly, the Pink Ranger, and can now be seen on ''[[Wikipedia:Flashpoint_(TV_series)|Flashpoint]]'' on CBS<ref>http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0102568/</ref>) and [[Wikipedia:David Yost|David Yost]] (who played Billy, the Blue Ranger, and whom recently [[homos|came out of the closet]]) regret ever being in the series in the first place. Kimberly included, a number of them have moved on to greater things, including [[Wikipedia:Jason David Frank|Jason David Frank]] (who portrayed Tommy Oliver, the Green/White Ranger) joining the [[CWC Fighter|Mixed Martial Arts]] circuit, and [[Wikipedia:Johnny Yong Bosch|Johnny Yong Bosch]] (who portrayed Adam Park, the Black Ranger) becoming a well-known anime voice actor, voicing famous characters such as [[Wikipedia:Trigun|''Trigun'']]'s Vash the Stampede, [[Wikipedia:Akira (series)|''Akira'']]'s Kaneda and [[Wikipedia:Code Geass|''Code Geass'']]'s Lelouch.

On [[The Wall of Originals]], two hand-made Trainer cards are devoted to the series. The first is a card devoted to [[Wikipedia:Bulk and Skull|Bulk and Skull]], the two [[Trolls|dimwitted bullies]] from the original series who served as effective comic relief.<ref>[[:Image:379-Bulk.jpg]]</ref> The second is a [[Sonichu]] Zord, predating the existence of [[Son-Chu]] by at least nine years. It seems that Chris attempted to make this Sonichu Zord like the popular [[Wikipedia:Zords_in_Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers#Tigerzord|Tigerzord]], but it comes off hideously. Chris depicts Sonichu's head on its chest, with a dull gray robot head popping up in the first head's place, and its tail being used as a sword.<ref>[[:Image:224-SchuZord.jpg]]</ref> Needless to say, it fails horribly.

== Power Rangers in ''Sonichu'' ==
[[Image:KartMegazord.jpg|thumb|right|The Kart Megazord - seriously, what the hell?]]
In the [[CWCipedia]]'s article on the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], it is mentioned that Chris was once a member of a Power Rangers team, despite the fact that all the other teams have been from California or outer space. In fact, [[Chris and his Ego|he was the team's leader!]]

It doesn't mention who he fought or what he fought or even what powers he used, but it is said he piloted a go-kart(?) that was "sleek like an [[Wikipedia:Star Fox (series)#Arwing|Arwing]]" and was the head of the so-called Kart Megazord. Sadly (for our sake), Chris disbanded the team before his graduation, but soon installed a new, younger team to take the reins. Where the team is and what they're doing and which female members are currently "non-boyfriend-free" are unknown<ref>[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>.

(As an interesting aside, Chris pretty much [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripped off]] the go-kart vehicles, the "Kart Megazord" and the graduation disbanding and reforming from one of the earlier seasons of the TV show, namely ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Turbo|Power Rangers Turbo]]'', the American version of ''[[Wikipedia:Gekisou Sentai Carranger|Gekisou Sentai Carranger]]''.)

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], [[Allison Amber]] calls in the Power Rangers to fend off an attack by [[Slaweel Ryam]] (or possibly [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid Chris]]). The next panel depicts several people rushing off in ridiculous-looking cars. If these are indeed the Power Rangers, they have yet to be seen again.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_43 Sonichu 9 p.43]</ref> Near the end of the story, the Kart Megazord makes an appearance, with [[Magi-Chan]] telling Sonichu and Rosechu that the team, now known as the CWC-Power Rangers, used their Megazord to defeat the giant [[B-Manajerk]] and the [[Merried Seinor Comic]]. <ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_9/Page_92 Sonichu 9 p.92]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], to drive those inside the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] Tower out, Chris and the Hedgehog Boys play a song entitled "[[Revive Zordon]]". This [[Chris and music|excellent]] song (which is sung to the tune of [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever (song)|Cat Scratch Fever]]", of all things) features lyrics written by Christian himself. In it, the band laments that the character [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]] was killed off at the very end of ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]'', and demands that he be brought back. The song also serves as a rant against "today's c***py 'Power Rangers'".

Interestingly enough, a few of Chris's other creations seem to derive themselves from various Power Ranger-based villains. The design of [[Samurai Pizza Bots]] character Excelina seems to be cribbed from [[Wikipedia:Machine Empire#Princess Archerina|Princess Archerina]], a minor villain from ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Power Rangers Zeo]]''. The most surprising is that [[Silvana]]'s design and origin is ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Karone|Karone/Astronema]], a major villain in ''Power Rangers in Space'' who ended up becoming a Ranger herself in ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Lost Galaxy|Power Rangers Lost Galaxy]]''.

== Sources ==
<references />

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Toys]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Homos

2015-10-04T00:44:40Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Chris and transsexuality */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris.<ref>[[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3]]</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender]] [[Gaybian|lesbian]]" in [[2014]], Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his [[Chris and remorse|apologies]] has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his [[diary]] or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]].
[[File:Taking it in the briefs.JPG|thumb|right|You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.]]

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE the homos!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

===“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals===
On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging screed on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''No Question or Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I stutter, space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old, during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''ALL Sonichus Are Straight! ALL Rosechus Are Straight! I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris' discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of '''Yahoo! Answers''' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris's identification as a lesbian is closely tied to the next subject...

== Chris and transsexuality ==
{{quote|Tranny Pride, Worldwide!|Chris calling himself a derogatory term for transgenders, 14 August 2014<ref>[[Brassieres For Males#Chris comes out]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Die-cis-scum.jpg|thumb|right|Likelier than you think.]][[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."]]

Given that Chris lacks basic [[English]] skills, it shouldn’t be surprising that he has trouble navigating the linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl''. For someone who hates mislabelings, he sure is sloppy when it comes to these labels. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> All of Chris’s claims about sexuality or gender identity need to be viewed through an autistic filter.

That said, Chris has spent many years struggling to articulate his position on transgender topics. In the early years of trolling, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with the idea of transgender people, and made it clear that he was not sexually attracted to them. “I have given thought about the transgenders and transvesites; I do not feel comfortable with them….[D]icks are dicks, and I do not care about them, except for my own,” he wrote in a [[January 2009]] chat.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He later reiterated: “I Do Not Care Much for Transgender People or Hermaphrodites, but I do not discriminate them as individual people.”<ref>[[Mailbag 26#Reusing the same excuses for everything else!]]</ref>

{{quote|I would NEVER CARE to have sex with a Hermaphrodite.|Classic Chris, 15 January 2010<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Shemales and man-tits]]</ref>}}

Yet somehow, he could not let the issue rest...when [[Wikipedia:Bailey Jay|Bailey Jay]] introduced herself to Chris in a [[Mailbag]] letter, revealing some naughty selfies, Chris’s initial reaction was completely phobic at the sight of this "hermaphrodite." Later though, after Jay let Chris know that he had hurt her feelings, he reached into his shallow well of empathy. "I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons."<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!]] and [[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref> When Chris looked at this beautiful woman with a large pickle, he saw a distorted reflection of himself. He was not yet ready to abandon his “straight male” identity, though.

After becoming a [[tomgirl]] in 2011, even though he was still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref> He still seemed unsettled, especially since being a tomgirl wasn’t working to attract a Sweetheart/Soulmate.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

===Does Chris Want the Operation?===
Almost immediately upon being discovered, Chris revealed that he had been giving a lot of thought to contingencies which might require him to lop off his [[duck]]. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref> He also made it clear to anyone who asked that he was literally nauseated by the sight of his own penis (and all other penises). It might seem self-evident, then, that Lesbian Transgender Chris would be eager to undergo sex reassignment surgery. However, in his intellectual discourses on transgender controversies, Chris has expressed some ambivalence. In a February 2009 chat, when asked if transwomen should "go under the knife," Chris replied:

{{quote|Um...[long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh, with both sets of uh, genitals, I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.|Chris, apropos of nothing<ref>[[Mumble 6#On The Transgender Community]]</ref>}}

He similarly told a troll impersonating transgender porn actress Bailey Jay (who also hadn’t asked) that "if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man."<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref>

For a long time, these were puzzling statements, given his hatred for [[JERKS]] and all manner of pickled cucumbers. As his own gender identity mutated, however, Chris revealed his reasoning. In early 2014, on his OKCupid Q&A, he was faced with the question, "Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose?" Chris’s answer was, "Do not perform the surgery." He added,

{{quote|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, exemplifying the wisdom of Solomon<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally (which is his true fantasy), he must first impregnate someone, as many times as necessary until the appearance of his God-promised daughter. He can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> He criticized fellow tranny Ahuviya (whom he incorrectly believed to be [[Jack Thaddeus]]) for trying to have the operation, claiming that he "would definitely not be considered any at all a woman--a woman whatsoever" because "he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive [sic] organs. I mean, I want to have children someday. Obviously, he don't."<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref>

In late 2014, he could not persuade a sperm bank, lesbians on a message board, or his friend [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to serve as the vessel for Crystal.<ref>[[Semen#Donation]]</ref> So for now, its purpose unfulfilled, the Ugly Growth must remain.

The second reason he can’t get the surgery is that the duck is an [[Attraction Sign]]. As much as he loves to crow about being a "Lesbian," Chris wants to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina." If he wants to be everything for everybody, he will need to hold onto the duck.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

===In CWCville===
Before his slide into “femdom,” Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community. After Chris modified his gender identity, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] also became a tomgirl, and later a full-fledged male lesbian. In May 2015 he confirmed that [[Comic Chris]] was a “Lesbian Transwoman,” and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” possibly to be renamed Chrissy-Chan Rosechu. Then, through the power of his imagination, Chris managed to ''impregnate himself'' with a turkey baster and give birth to twins.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> This scenario is probably as realistic as Chris ever getting a handle on his own gender.

==Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|[[Niggos|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the [[Autistic dick|harder]] Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before ''Friendship is Magic'' premiered.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN chat with Julie]], Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Max]] told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's just a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a male character, on his duck.
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* According to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|receipts]] uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs|sex logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* His absolute revulsion to seeing other men's penises. If Chris was truly straight, he would not be uncomfortable seeing other men's penises because he would have no interest in them sexually.
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]], Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a [[gaybian]]. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When Julie finally revealed herself as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by [[Nudes|close-up pictures of his buttcheeks and anus]], not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]] is pink.
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]], which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* Chris wears a [[bra]]. In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he owns a copy of the first ''[[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' movie when he showcased his then-current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a [[Wikipedia:Queer Eye|free makeover]].
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
* In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [[:File:Punchylaylalove.jpg|wearing panties and a bra]].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
* The fact that he thinks that ''staring at a poster'' will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that [http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals], Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage], hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken], and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act slang for oral sex], which may refer to his duck.
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
* Attempting to prove that [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay [[pedofork]] [[anime]]s on [[YouTube]].
* In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' ''(for the ladies, [[Chris_and_English|according to him]])'', placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or ''outright doesn't care'') that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet. Not to mention, he calls himself a derogatory term for transsexuals.
* He [[October_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_hits_up_a_gay_bar_.28seriously.29|went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014]].
* He is a member of the local [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eventsatimpuslegsc gay club] on facebook.
* He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
* His [[26 December 2014|can of mace]] is colored pink.
* He posted a story on [[Facebook]] about him as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] having sex with [[Magi-chan]] and getting pregnant.
* The tote bag he used at [[OmegaCon]] had a marriage equality logo and the words "TOTES GAY" written in bold capitals on it.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Revive Zordon

2015-06-28T03:53:20Z

Ultimate Paragon:

[[File:SchuComic10P29.jpg|thumb|Most awesome!]]

"'''Revive Zordon'''" is the last single from the band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], after the dismal failure of their sophomore album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK]]''. The lyrics to the song made its worldwide debut in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but was never recorded and released as an actual single. Set to the tune of "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever|Cat Scratch Fever]]" by [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]] (a song Chris almost certainly only heard about from ''[[Guitar Hero|Guitar Hero: Aerosmith]]''), the song deals with his desire to see the return of the first American ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' team, the [[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]], by reviving their mentor, [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]], who made a heroic sacrifice in the [[1998]] series ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''.

Chris repeated his dislike for the plotline to [[Jackie]], using almost the same phrasing as in the song.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==Lyrics==
[[Image:OldschoolrockinCWC.PNG|thumb|He's usin' the power of Rock and Rock to SAVE THE WORLD! \m/]]
[[Wikipedia:Andros (Power Rangers)|They]] smashed his tube while lost [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|in space]] 
And then he was gone to save the human race 
Yet more evil forces showed up 
And they lost their good fans 
When they went and killed Zordon! 

''Chorus:'' 
They need to revive Zordon! 
Revive Zordon! 

[[George W. Bush|Presi]][[Barack Obama|dents]] [[Chris and the Law|tried to enforce]] 
But [[Chris and writing|that plot was too trite]] 
Zordon was better than [[Jerkop|the police]] 
He had great powers and then some 
[[Power|Might]] and [[Magical Man|magic]] ruled 
And five Zords rule over three. 

[''chorus x2'']

The original team was beyond the best 
[[Wikipedia:Tommy Oliver|Tommy]] loved [[Wikipedia:Kimberly Hart|Kimberly]] 
(Sweet and Tenderly) 
[[Wikipedia:Trini Kwan|Trini]] was keeping it real with [[Wikipedia:Zack Taylor|Zach]] [''sic''], 
[[Wikipedia:Billy Cranston|Billy]] had the brains to time travel 
and [[Wikipedia:Jason Lee Scott|Jason]] was leadin' Red! 

[[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Dinozords|Dinozords]] evolved to the 
the [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Thunderzords|Thunder Power]] 
Ninja and [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Shogunzords|Shogun]] [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Titanus the Carrierzord|Titanus]] 
[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Zeo Crystal Power]] 
[[Transformers|Autobot-Style]] with [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Turbo|Turbo]] 
U.F.O. got lost in Space 

[''chorus x2'']

Revive Zordon and get the 
Power Rangers back together, 
which was most awesome!!! 
(Compared to today's [[Chris and censorship|c**py]] "Power Rangers") 
{{clear}}

==Unofficial versions==
Thankfully, most likely because his first musical project was a complete failure, Chris has never made an official version of the song. Instead, we are treated to the dulcet tones of both the narrator of the [[Audiobooks]], and [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys|Rex Rowan]].

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GnKttyKMz90}}
| stardate = 14 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]] with singing by [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist]]
| type = Music Video
| info = MP3 [http://www.mediafire.com/?hwrvy3ncyyy here].
}}

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6fLSWxJ1cJY}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.
}}</center>

==Reception==
{{quote|god. it's like if I rewrote the lyrics to Hey Jude but complained about how digimon season 2 sucked|[[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

The song was first played at the headquarters of [[4-cent garbage.com]], which led to the deaths of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]], as well about 250 other innocent people amongst the 1,500 working inside the building. In [[Molvanîa]], where the Hedgehog Boys are considered national pop icons, people were horrified at not only the carnage the song brought, but also how Chris slams the other Power Ranger teams, who are loved from Sasava to Lublova.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWCipedia|chris=Issue_10/Page_30|linkname=Reviving Zordon}}
{{clear}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
[[Category:Music]]

Template:Da update

2015-06-16T19:12:15Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[My Little Pony|Derpy]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins".
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERKS|JERK]] body.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''.
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2015-06-16T19:11:40Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[Derpy]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins".
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERKS|JERK]] body.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''.
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2015-06-16T19:11:20Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 13 June - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[Derpy]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins".
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERKS|JERK]] body.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''.
* 10 June - Chris attends the LGBTQ Youth & Family Bowling Night event in [[Charlottesville]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Magical Man

2015-05-08T03:40:32Z

Ultimate Paragon:

[[Image:Magical Man Potion.png|thumb|right|250px|Try try try to understand...]]
In late [[February 2010]], Chris made several videos involving a '''then-unknown person''', most notably the [[Magical Man Potion]] video in which this man portrays Chris's alter ego. As one of a select few people to be filmed inside the Chandler household, and the only one outside of Chris's immediate family, this "Magical Man" has been the subject of intense speculation.

Until [[CWCki]] member [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] revealed the Magical Man is fellow troll [[PodMonkey]], this remained one of the more mysterious unanswered questions of the Chris-Chan saga. Originally it was believed that his appearance would herald the beginning of new epic misadventures for Chris, prompting heated speculation about his motives and plans. Since PodMonkey never appeared again, the matter became completely trivial. However, since Chris's trolls have become [[autism|autistic]] by [[Toucher_and_Rich_Segment#Chris.27s_Response|gluing all of their attention to computers]], it's hard to let things go at that.
{{clear}}

==Appearances==
His presence was first felt in Chris's [[Christian Love Day (video)|23 February address]] on the eve of [[Christian Love Day]]. Chris quotes from [[Wikipedia:Independence Day (film)|''Independence Day'']] and talks about an impending "personal change," foreshadowing his next video. Chris would later deny knowing where the speech was copied from, claiming that it was written for him by his friend.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]: "Well... I remember that movie, I saw it only once, and I did not know that those, that those lines came from that, that speech was actually written by a friend of mine."</ref> At the time, though, there was no major indication of anything special going on. The video is of noticeably [[Chris and cinematography|higher quality]] than Chris's usual shit, and the camera is clearly being held by someone rather than being set in a fixed position, but a troll happening to notice these things might chalk it up to Chris wasting money on a new camera and getting [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] to hold it for him.

The troll world collectively shit bricks, however, when Chris later uploaded [[Magical Man Potion]], a skit in which he plays a mad scientist who concocts a [[Wikipedia:Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde|Jekyll and Hyde]]-style potion. Viewers expecting Chris's "[[Wikipedia:The Nutty Professor|Buddy Love]]" to just be [[Ian Brandon Anderson|himself in a shitty costume]] were astonished to see a rather handsome man, wearing [[Chris and fashion|similar clothes to Chris]] and quoting [[Wikipedia:Beetlejuice|''Beetlejuice'']]. That Chris could successfully recruit someone to appear in one of his videos, or that a troll could successfully infiltrate his [[Chris's room|''sanctum sanctorum'']], captivated the imaginations of trolls everywhere.

A third video, [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans]], saw Chris show his [[PS3]] menus to his mystery guest, who filmed the whole thing. Throughout the video the man tries to feign interest in every stupid thing Chris shows him, and he later begins panning around the room to get footage of the stuff plastered on Chris's walls.

A few days later, Chris uploaded [[29 January 2010|an apology]] to Alec, and commented ''"my friend had told me the truth of how my past words against Alec and [[Asperpedia|his crew]] were making me look like a troll. I banged my head against a wall in realization and embarassment right before I started that video."''<ref>[[Sonichu_Forum#There_was_zero_risk_of_serious_injury]]</ref> This "friend" was quite possibly the mysterious visitor, to whom Chris probably babbled about those dang dirty [[troll]]s.

==Identity==
Chris has received relatively normal guests on his eighteenth birthday<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>, so it's not impossible that trolls speculated that the Magical Man was a family member, [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church member]] or acquaintance who happened to bring a camera and let Chris use it. However, his interest in filming [[Chris's room]] may indicate his true motives as a field agent trying to go where no [[troll]] had gone before.

In trying to make sense of the Magical Man, many quickly jumped to the conclusion that he had to be someone we've already heard of, such as [[Clyde Cash]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], or the various field agents who participated in [[Chris's Big Night Out]] or [[Rollin' and Trollin']]. On several occasions<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]: Chris refers to [[Liquid Chris]] as his friend.</ref><ref>[[CWC_Blog#14 March 2010]]: Chris lists [[Vivian Gee]] as one of his [[gal-pals]], in spite of their [[Death threats|past differences]].</ref> Chris has forgiven and tried to befriend enemies when he thinks he has made them see reason, so it's not impossible.

On 2 [[March 2010]], Chris announced that he had made peace with Alec and that Alec had given him an [[Asperchu medallion]],<ref>[[02 March 2010]]</ref> which is believed to be the same medallion the mystery guest wore in the potion video. This strengthened the case that the Magical Man was Alec, burying the hatchet with Chris in person. However, this was debunked when the 25 February phone conversation between Alec and Chris was released, in which their relationship is still quite chilly and Alec doesn't know what Chris did on his birthday. Most likely, Chris had received the medallion in the mail prior to his birthday, and it was totally unrelated to Magical Man until it came in handy as a prop for the transformation.

On 10 [[February 2012]], nearly 15 days before the 25 February conversations began, [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] revealed on the discussion page of this article that a user on #sonichu, [[PodMonkey]], is the true Magical Man, citing a Skype log with [[Kacey]] as evidence.<ref>[http://pastebin.com/QFk7AxZE]</ref> However, people are continuing to speculate who he is. Whoever the Magical Man is, PodMonkey or not, he most likely has chosen not to disclose his real information. If he is still active in the trolling community, he evidently has no interest in taking credit for his accomplishments or exploiting his relationship to Chris.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category: Chris's alter egos]][[Category: Trolls]]

Revive Zordon

2015-05-08T03:39:32Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Lyrics */

[[File:SchuComic10P29.jpg|thumb|Most awesome!]]
"'''Revive Zordon'''" is the last single from the band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], after the dismal failure of their sophomore album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK]]''. The lyrics to the song made its worldwide debut in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but was never recorded and released as an actual single. Set to the tune of "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever|Cat Scratch Fever]]" by [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]] (a song Chris almost certainly only heard about from ''[[Guitar Hero|Guitar Hero: Aerosmith]]''), the song deals with his desire to see the return of the first American ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' team, the [[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]], by reviving their mentor, [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]], who made a heroic sacrifice in the [[1998]] series ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''.

Chris repeated his dislike for the plotline to [[Jackie]], using almost the same phrasing as in the song.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==Lyrics==
[[Image:OldschoolrockinCWC.PNG|thumb|He's usin' the power of Rock and Rock to SAVE THE WORLD! \m/]]
[[Wikipedia:Andros (Power Rangers)|They]] smashed his tube while lost [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|in space]] 
And then he was gone to save the human race 
Yet more evil forces showed up 
And they lost their good fans 
When they went and killed Zordon! 

''Chorus:'' 
They need to revive Zordon! 
Revive Zordon! 

[[George W. Bush|Presi]][[Barack Obama|dents]] [[Chris and the Law|tried to enforce]] 
But [[Chris and writing|that plot was too trite]] 
Zordon was better than [[Jerkop|the police]] 
He had great powers and then some 
[[Power|Might]] and [[Magical Man|magic]] ruled 
And five Zords rule over three. 

[''chorus x2'']

The original team was beyond the best 
[[Wikipedia:Tommy Oliver|Tommy]] loved [[Wikipedia:Kimberly Hart|Kimberly]] 
(Sweet and Tenderly) 
[[Wikipedia:Trini Kwan|Trini]] was keeping it real with [[Wikipedia:Zack Taylor|Zach]] [''sic''], 
[[Wikipedia:Billy Cranston|Billy]] had the brains to time travel 
and [[Wikipedia:Jason Lee Scott|Jason]] was leadin' Red! 

[[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Dinozords|Dinozords]] evolved to the 
the [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Thunderzords|Thunder Power]] 
Ninja and [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Shogunzords|Shogun]] [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Titanus the Carrierzord|Titanus]] 
[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Zeo Crystal Power]] 
Autobot-Style with Turbo 
U.F.O. got lost in Space 

[''chorus x2'']

Revive Zordon and get the 
Power Rangers back together, 
which was most awesome!!! 
(Compared to today's [[Chris and censorship|c**py]] "Power Rangers") 
{{clear}}

==Unofficial versions==
Thankfully, most likely because his first musical project was a complete failure, Chris has never made an official version of the song. Instead, we are treated to the dulcet tones of the narrator of the [[Audiobooks]]. It is also on ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GnKttyKMz90}}
| stardate = 14 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]] with singing by [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist]]
| type = Music Video
| info = MP3 [http://www.mediafire.com/?hwrvy3ncyyy here].
}}

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6fLSWxJ1cJY}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.
}}</center>

==Reception==
{{quote|god. it's like if I rewrote the lyrics to Hey Jude but complained about how digimon season 2 sucked|[[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

The song was first played at the headquarters of [[4-cent garbage.com]], which led to the deaths of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]], as well about 250 other innocent people amongst the 1,500 working inside the building. In [[Molvanîa]], where the Hedgehog Boys are considered national pop icons, people were horrified at not only the carnage the song brought, but also how Chris slams the other Power Ranger teams, who are loved from Sasava to Lublova.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWCipedia|chris=Issue_10/Page_30|linkname=Reviving Zordon}}
{{clear}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

Revive Zordon

2015-05-08T03:37:34Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Lyrics */

[[File:SchuComic10P29.jpg|thumb|Most awesome!]]
"'''Revive Zordon'''" is the last single from the band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], after the dismal failure of their sophomore album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK]]''. The lyrics to the song made its worldwide debut in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but was never recorded and released as an actual single. Set to the tune of "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever|Cat Scratch Fever]]" by [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]] (a song Chris almost certainly only heard about from ''[[Guitar Hero|Guitar Hero: Aerosmith]]''), the song deals with his desire to see the return of the first American ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' team, the [[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]], by reviving their mentor, [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]], who made a heroic sacrifice in the [[1998]] series ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''.

Chris repeated his dislike for the plotline to [[Jackie]], using almost the same phrasing as in the song.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==Lyrics==
[[Image:OldschoolrockinCWC.PNG|thumb|He's usin' the power of Rock and Rock to SAVE THE WORLD! \m/]]
[[Wikipedia:Andros (Power Rangers)|They]] smashed his tube while lost [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|in space]] 
And then he was gone to save the human race 
Yet more evil forces showed up 
And they lost their good fans 
When they went and killed Zordon! 

''Chorus:'' 
They need to revive Zordon! 
Revive Zordon! 

[[George W. Bush|Presi]][[Barack Obama|dents]] [[Chris and the Law|tried to enforce]] 
But [[Chris and writing|that plot was too trite]] 
Zordon was better than [[Jerkop|the police]] 
He had great powers and then some 
Might and magic ruled 
And five Zords rule over three. 

[''chorus x2'']

The original team was beyond the best 
[[Wikipedia:Tommy Oliver|Tommy]] loved [[Wikipedia:Kimberly Hart|Kimberly]] 
(Sweet and Tenderly) 
[[Wikipedia:Trini Kwan|Trini]] was keeping it real with [[Wikipedia:Zack Taylor|Zach]] [''sic''], 
[[Wikipedia:Billy Cranston|Billy]] had the brains to time travel 
and [[Wikipedia:Jason Lee Scott|Jason]] was leadin' Red! 

[[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Dinozords|Dinozords]] evolved to the 
the [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Thunderzords|Thunder Power]] 
Ninja and [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Shogunzords|Shogun]] [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Titanus the Carrierzord|Titanus]] 
[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Zeo Crystal Power]] 
Autobot-Style with Turbo 
U.F.O. got lost in Space 

[''chorus x2'']

Revive Zordon and get the 
Power Rangers back together, 
which was most awesome!!! 
(Compared to today's [[Chris and censorship|c**py]] "Power Rangers") 
{{clear}}

==Unofficial versions==
Thankfully, most likely because his first musical project was a complete failure, Chris has never made an official version of the song. Instead, we are treated to the dulcet tones of the narrator of the [[Audiobooks]]. It is also on ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GnKttyKMz90}}
| stardate = 14 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]] with singing by [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist]]
| type = Music Video
| info = MP3 [http://www.mediafire.com/?hwrvy3ncyyy here].
}}

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6fLSWxJ1cJY}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.
}}</center>

==Reception==
{{quote|god. it's like if I rewrote the lyrics to Hey Jude but complained about how digimon season 2 sucked|[[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

The song was first played at the headquarters of [[4-cent garbage.com]], which led to the deaths of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]], as well about 250 other innocent people amongst the 1,500 working inside the building. In [[Molvanîa]], where the Hedgehog Boys are considered national pop icons, people were horrified at not only the carnage the song brought, but also how Chris slams the other Power Ranger teams, who are loved from Sasava to Lublova.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWCipedia|chris=Issue_10/Page_30|linkname=Reviving Zordon}}
{{clear}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

Revive Zordon

2015-05-08T03:36:12Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Lyrics */

[[File:SchuComic10P29.jpg|thumb|Most awesome!]]
"'''Revive Zordon'''" is the last single from the band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], after the dismal failure of their sophomore album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK]]''. The lyrics to the song made its worldwide debut in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but was never recorded and released as an actual single. Set to the tune of "[[Wikipedia:Cat Scratch Fever|Cat Scratch Fever]]" by [[Wikipedia:Ted Nugent|Ted Nugent]] (a song Chris almost certainly only heard about from ''[[Guitar Hero|Guitar Hero: Aerosmith]]''), the song deals with his desire to see the return of the first American ''[[Wikipedia:Super Sentai|Super Sentai]]'' team, the [[Power Rangers|Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]], by reviving their mentor, [[Wikipedia:Zordon|Zordon]], who made a heroic sacrifice in the [[1998]] series ''[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|Power Rangers in Space]]''.

Chris repeated his dislike for the plotline to [[Jackie]], using almost the same phrasing as in the song.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

==Lyrics==
[[Image:OldschoolrockinCWC.PNG|thumb|He's usin' the power of Rock and Rock to SAVE THE WORLD! \m/]]
[[Wikipedia:Andros (Power Rangers)|They]] smashed his tube while lost [[Wikipedia:Power Rangers in Space|in space]] 
And then he was gone to save the human race 
Yet more evil forces showed up 
And they lost their good fans 
When they went and killed Zordon! 

''Chorus:'' 
They need to revive Zordon! 
Revive Zordon! 

[[George W. Bush|Presi]][[Barack Obama|dents]] [[Chris and the Law|tried to enforce]] 
But [[Chris and writing|that plot was too trite]] 
Zordon was better than [[Jerkop|the police]] 
He had great powers and then some 
Might and magic ruled 
And five Zords rule over three. 

[''chorus x2'']

The original team was beyond the best 
[[Wikipedia:Tommy Oliver|Tommy]] loved [[Wikipedia:Kimberly Hart|Kimberly]] 
(Sweet and Tenderly) 
[[Wikipedia:Trini Kwan|Trini]] was keeping it real with [[Wikipedia:Zack Taylor|Zach]] [''sic''], 
[[Wikipedia:Billy Cranston|Billy]] had the brains to time travel 
and [[Wikipedia:Jason Lee Scott|Jason]] was leadin' Red! 

[[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Dinozords|Dinozords]] evolved to the 
the [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Thunderzords|Thunder Power]] 
Ninja and [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Shogunzords|Shogun]] [[Wikipedia:Zords in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers#Titanus the Carrierzord|Titanus]] 
[[Wikipedia:Power Rangers Zeo|Zeo Crystal Power]] 
Autobot-Style with Turbo 
U.F.O. got lost in Space 

[''chorus x2'']

Revive Zordon and get the 
Power Rangers back together, 
which was most awesome!!! 
(Compared to today's c**py "Power Rangers") 
{{clear}}

==Unofficial versions==
Thankfully, most likely because his first musical project was a complete failure, Chris has never made an official version of the song. Instead, we are treated to the dulcet tones of the narrator of the [[Audiobooks]]. It is also on ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|GnKttyKMz90}}
| stardate = 14 [[February 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]] with singing by [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist]]
| type = Music Video
| info = MP3 [http://www.mediafire.com/?hwrvy3ncyyy here].
}}

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Revive Zordon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6fLSWxJ1cJY}}
| stardate = 4 [[January 2012]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album ''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''.
}}</center>

==Reception==
{{quote|god. it's like if I rewrote the lyrics to Hey Jude but complained about how digimon season 2 sucked|[[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]}}

The song was first played at the headquarters of [[4-cent garbage.com]], which led to the deaths of [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]], as well about 250 other innocent people amongst the 1,500 working inside the building. In [[Molvanîa]], where the Hedgehog Boys are considered national pop icons, people were horrified at not only the carnage the song brought, but also how Chris slams the other Power Ranger teams, who are loved from Sasava to Lublova.

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWCipedia|chris=Issue_10/Page_30|linkname=Reviving Zordon}}
{{clear}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]

Idea Book Case

2015-04-26T03:13:10Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{DISPLAYTITLE:iDea Book Case}}
[[File:IdeaBookCaseOpen.jpg|thumb|Think Different. [[Autism|No, really]].]]

'''Christian Chandler's iDea Book Case''' is a recent [[Relics of Fail|Relic of Fail]] crafted in [[May 2013]] to house Chris's slew of iOS products for, in his words, business and entertainment. The case was invented when Chris found himself having too many iOS products, and needed a place to put his iPhone, a (broken) iPod touch, and another iPod touch seen off-camera.

It is currently unknown if it was lost in [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the fire]] or not. Chris has stated that his iPhone has survived, which was later proven when the [[Brushfire Video]] came out.

==The Unveil==

Likened to the late Steve Jobs himself, Chris took it upon himself to unveil his latest creation via [[Facebook]] in this status update:

{{quote|"Necessity is the mother of Invention". I am glad I crafted the idea for my iDea Book Case (photos taken with New iPod Touch 5th Gen) out of duct tape. The front and back covers are lined with bubble wrap, the inner spine loop can hold as thick as a charging cable, or most pens, there are holes for the cameras to see through very well, and the corner holders are very successful in holding most iOS Pod/Phone devices. And there is also the Velcro clasp.

iPhone (8 Gig) for calls, business and [[Internet]]; iPod (32 Gig) for entertainment with videos, music and all. I keep it safe with the lanyard strap and tucked in [[Tomgirl Pictures|my bosom]].}}

==Appearance==

The iDea Book Case is astonishingly one of the more clever concepts Chris has come up with, despite the build quality being poor and gaudy as usual. The iDea Book Case is a rather large carrying case that can house any two iOS products released before 2012. It opens up like a book (and closes via Velcro), revealing two products on both sides, with a small loop in the center for storing a related accessory. To provide shock absorbing, the iDea Book Case is made primarily out of bubble wrap, then wrapped (excessively) with duct tape to provide a smoother finish. To top it off with lawsuit bait, Chris slapped on a poorly centered and positioned Apple sticker.

One strange feature of the iDea Book Case is that it has large holes cut out for each camera, an odd addition considering how hard the case is to use. Much like his DSi, there's a great chance that Chris could be very well taking advantage of having two devices at once, snapping candid pictures and videos of attractive women he sees.

== Pictures ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Pictures|<gallery>
File:IdeaBookCaseClosed.jpg|Designed by idiots in Virginia.
File:IdeaBookCaseSpine.jpg|Well, at least none of the letters are backwards.
File:IdeaBookCaseOpen.jpg|Chris's mobile command post.
File:IdeaBookCaseSide.jpg|Even his iDevices aren't safe from custom [[Sonichu]] skins.
</gallery>}}
</center>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

Template:Da update

2015-04-26T03:12:24Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>

* 22 [[April 2015|April]] - It is discovered that Chris has begun playing ''Minecraft'', under the name "[https://minebook.me/christineweston/ ChristineWeston]"
* 21 April - Chris tries to rally support for an autistic sixth-grader convicted of a felony. He posts a link to an online petition.
* 20 April - Chris is pissed on why ''Knuckles' Chaotix'' and ''Sonic CD'' haven't been ported to modern consoles or Virtual Console. (Note that ''Sonic CD'' has been ported to, among other things, the [[Idea Book Case|iPhone]].)
* 17 April - Chris refutes a Daily Mail UK article saying that [[Richmond]], Virginia is the happiest place in the United States. He lists many [[JERKS|people he perceives as enemies]], counters that it is a most "paranoid" and "illsocial" place, and uses plenty of hashtags.
* 16 April - Chris claims that if [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] gets into ''Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS''/''Wii U'' as DLC, he will make new [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].
* 13 April - Chris says that ''Disney Infinity'' is mediocre, and fails at contributing to the Free the Nipple movement.
* 8 April - A [[fan]] attempts to visit Chris and give him two animation frames from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' cartoon, but gets told off by [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Chris and hypocrisy

2015-04-11T21:37:19Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Chris on hypocrisy */

{{quote|You're all just immature, naive, condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[Autism|autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[Chris and his ego|ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his thirties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== Work ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J.K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

===Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

=== Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Re:_Coming_out_to_my_parents]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu]] complaining about fan fiction.<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Facebook#Mimms]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even to the time of this writing, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

=== Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
{{quote|He sets me on fire!|Chris<ref>Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke</ref>}}
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

===Women===
{{quote|Well-Informed to Expert in sex|Chris's standard for a woman he would date.<ref>[[Early_Facebook_Posts#What_I_am_looking_for_in_a_woman]]</ref>}}
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

===Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

=== Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Even though Chris, since [[Bob]]'s death, has not uploaded any videos, he still uses the internet, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

===Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>Kacey Call 1</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

===Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]
{{quote| I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face.|Chris, complaining about homosexuals on a [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|forum for cross dressers]].<ref>Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia</ref>}}
When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] had dated [[Kathleen Nicole Wallace]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman believed to be Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===

In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games--naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[True and Loyal Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Template:Da update

2015-04-11T21:34:24Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 7 [[April 2015]] - Chris provides more information on the custom Amiibo and asks for people to vote in a [[Nintendo]] contest to make [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] a downloadable character in the game Super Smash Brothers.
* 6 April - Chris announces for sale on [[eBay]], ten custom [[Sonichu Amiibo]]. His [[white knight|fans]] buy them all in less than two hours.
* 4 April - Chris rages over the two-part season 5 premiere of ''[[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic'' and a character in the ''Rainbow Rocks'' movie. Whether or not this will become the next ''[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]]'' has yet to be seen.
* 2 April - Chris's court hearing. The case is set to continue on 7 May.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2015-04-11T21:34:04Z

Ultimate Paragon:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 7 [[April 2015]] - Chris provides more information on the custom Amiibo and asks for people to vote in a [[Nintendo]] contest to make [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] a downloadable character in the game Super Smash Brothers.
* 6 April - Chris announces for sale on [[eBay]], ten custom [[Sonichu Amiibo]]. His [[fans]] buy them all in less than two hours.
* 4 April - Chris rages over the two-part season 5 premiere of ''[[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic'' and a character in the ''Rainbow Rocks'' movie. Whether or not this will become the next ''[[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]]'' has yet to be seen.
* 2 April - Chris's court hearing. The case is set to continue on 7 May.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Sonichu Amiibo

2015-04-11T21:31:28Z

Ultimate Paragon:

[[File:Amiibo5.jpg|right|thumb|200px|[[Chris]], proudly holding his new creations.]]
[[Wikipedia:Amiibo|'''Amiibo''']] are figurines which, when brought in physical contact with a [[Nintendo]] Wii U Gamepad or 3DS system, will add features or functions to a game. On 6 [[April 2015]], Chris unveiled his own custom [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] Amiibo for sale on [[eBay]]. He offered ten for sale for $41 each. They [[White knight|sold out]] within 2 hours.

==eBay Description==
The information and photos uploaded to his eBay page revealed that to create his custom Amiibo, he had bought [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] Amiibo, broken the limbs, repositioned them, glued them back on, and repainted them.

{{quotebox|Straight from the creator and artist, Christian Weston Chandler (myself), a Fresh reposed, coloured, strengthed and certified Sonichu Amiibo Figure. Sonichu is posed doing a Thunderpunching Sky Uppercut attack (his Up + B Special, if Sonichu was a playable character in Super Smash Bros.). It WILL be shipped in a sealed wrap marked "Fragile". My signature will be written on the backs each figure base. A Personal Certificate of Authenticity will be included with the figure. NO LOCAL PICKUP AVAILABLE, at the Personal Risk of myself, the Original Creator and Artist. These Figures have been personally assembled within the past month, and all are ready for quick shipment.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Disclaimer: the figure you receive may vary in a small detail or two, compared to the above photograph, but they all have been hand-reconfigured, painted and all that personally.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>The program chip in each base is a Sonic the Hedgehog Amiibo chip. All of these figures are still Unregistered and [[Virgin with rage|Virgin]] New; if you would like for me to level the figures up to the maximum level in Super Smash Bros. (3DS or WiiU), and include the random in-game items and money with them, please inform me under the "Special Instructions" section when checking out. Or send me a message after purchase. Otherwise, if left uninformed, I will be sending the figure to you Unregistered and Fresh there. I highly recommend going with the Yellow-Shoe alt-colour in-game choice when setting up your figure, to best represent Sonichu in the game(s). Compatible for Game Use, or Unlocks, in the following 3DS and WiiU Games: both Super Smash Bros. games, Mario Kart 8, Hyrule Warriors, Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, and Mario Party 10.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Also, the Metal Sticker has been removed from the base portion of the package, so the figure can be read while inside its package.

Everyone involved, including ALL Bidders, are bound by eBay's Terms and Regulations as stated therein, link below at bottom of this web page.

Discretion (As stated in the Comic Page image freshly added to the listing with few updates): ALL Sonichu, Rosechu, [[Cwcville]] and such material is [[Chris and copyright|Copyrighted]] March, 2000 by Christian Weston Chandler, with Full Paperwork backed up in Washington DC. Any names, persons or characters and such illustrated in the past Original Comic Book Pages, LittleBiGPlanet 1, 2, PSP and Vita Levels under the PSN ID of "Sonichu", and all direct content from the Creator, Christian Weston Chandler, NOT originating from said Creator that may seem similar to anyone past or present, as well as under other respective ownerships, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. Ownership of Original characters of Pikachu, Pok'emon and Sonic the Hedgehog are those of Nintendo and SEGA of America respectively, as well as everything Super Smash Bros, respectively. The piece that is being sold on eBay now is an Original artwork created by the original Creator of Sonicu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Christian Weston Chandler, and is solely being sold as an artwork.}}

Chris also noted, "The figures were mint in package, but then physically remolded, repositioned and strengthened, then put into new packaging, as shown in the photos."

The photos:

<center><gallery>
File:Amiibo1.JPG
File:Amiibo2.JPG
File:Amiibo3.JPG
File:Amiibo4.JPG
</gallery></center>

==Facebook announcement==
[[File:Amiibo6.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's new cover photo.]]
On the same day, Chris posted an announcement on Facebook with a link to his eBay page. He uploaded a new photograph of himself which implied that [[Rosechu]] Amiibo were on the way. He also put up a new, relevant Facebook cover photo.
{{quotebox|Here's something different and good; a Sonichu Figure! And an Amiibo Figure at that! Personally created and Certified and packaged.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Unfortunately, due to the lowered listing allowance on my eBay, I am unable to list medallions this month. Please Leave Positive Feedback upon receipt after your individual purchases. Ten Figures are immediately available. Thank you, and have a good day.

<nowiki>**</nowiki>I forgot to mention, the Metal Sticker has been removed, so the figure can be read while still in its package. And Sonichu is posed doing a Thunderpunching Sky Uppercut attack (his Up + B Special, if Sonichu was a playable character in Super Smash Bros.).}}
[[File:SonichuAmiibo.jpg|thumb]]
The following day he clarified:

{{quotebox|My choice of which character goes into the base of my characters are relevant to their individual perspectives and whatnot. some of which are Rare ‪#‎Amiibo‬ characters at the moment as well. ‪#‎Sonichu‬'s choice is Sonic, out of respect. Pikachu is not as strong as ‪#‎Sonic‬ anyway. Tune in next week to hear ‪#‎Rosechu‬'s choice.}}

Simultaneously, Chris tied his new Amiibo with a desire to make Sonichu a downloadable character for the game Super Smash Brothers, including a drawing of Sonichu holding his own Amiibo.

==Received Amiibo==
While Chris has not yet received negative feedback on eBay for these items (in part because of the threat that crossing the Great Director Chandler can result in [[Medallions#The Mr. Smith Situation|public doxxing]]), the quality of those received has been less than spectacular. On one of them, the tail and right ear had come off in transit, despite Chris's order to the U.S. Mail, "THIS SIDE UP." The "Certificate of Authenticity" read:

{{quotebox|This Certificate verifies the authenticity of the accompanying Sonichu/Rosechu Amiibo Figure from Christian/Christine Weston Chandler. The Signature on this document attests that she alone, full of heart, soul and efforts in reposing the figure, painting and gluing and all other specific detailings on the figure, and external of the base.}}

<center><gallery>
File:RecdAmiibo8.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo1.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo3.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo6.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo10.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo4.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo5.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo2.jpg
File:RecdAmiibo7.jpg
</gallery></center>

Another Amiibo arrived essentially broken in half:
<gallery>
File:RecdAmiibo9.jpg
</gallery>
The recipient stated, "the head is off, the tail is off, and one of the ears came off where he had just wrapped the modeling clay around sonic's existing ear. no glue or anything." He also noted that Chris had attempted to reseal the package with double-sided tape, which had collected dust and grime.<ref>[[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-6-sonichu-amiibo-for-sale.8808/page-17#post-650310]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:EBay]]

Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc

2015-04-05T01:43:26Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Background */

{{quote|I'm straight, he's a homo.|[[Mumble 11]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] (in universe)
24 March 2005 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Heir to [[Team Rocket]]
|-
| '''Transforms into'''
| Reldnahc Ha-Taque
|-
|}
'''Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc''' (pronounced {{IPA|[ɹɛldnæk ˈnɑtsoː ˈneɪtsɚk]}}<ref>[[Sonichu 7 Official Videobook]]</ref>, "relld-nack not-so nate-sirk"), formerly '''Naitsirhc Rodriguez''',<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms]</ref> is the "evil twin" of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] (despite being unrelated). His name is obviously Christian's full name backwards.

Reldnahc was originally introduced as a member of [[Team Rocket]] and the creator of [[Blake|Black Sonichu]], but the mystical powers unleashed by Christian's discovery of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] revealed to him his true nature and his ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. To this day, he is still straighter than Chris.

Since discovering that he is the opposite number of Christian, Reldnahc has embraced anything that is anathema to the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Most notably in this regard, Reldnahc is the only openly gay male character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' (Fun fact: Chris lets Reldnahc point out that they differ because of his openness, not his [[homos|homosexuality]]).<ref>[[:File:SchuComic7Page29.jpg]] ''Sonichu'' 6, page 29: "I am darkness, I am evil, I am... open!"</ref>

==Background==
[[Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|thumb|With everything else on his plate, he still found time to write a self-help book. This man TRULY IS the diametric opposite of [[CWC]].]]
{{quote|As a member of Team Rocket, and son of [[Giovanni]], he has caught, or stolen, all rare [[Pokémon]]. He yerns [''sic''] to catch [[Sonichu]].|Naitsirhc ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' [[:Image:382-ACNaitsirhcBck.jpg|card]]}}
Although little is known about how Christian developed the character, it can be assumed that the idea of spelling his own name in reverse for the name of a villain immediately appealed to his [[Chris and his Ego|colossal narcissism]]. Reldnahc debuted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as the son/lackey of [[Team Rocket]] boss [[Giovanni]], belying his greater significance to the ''Sonichu'' canon. However, Chris appears to have always colored the character's eyes red and orange (in contrast to his own green and blue eyes, the former two being the opposite of the latter two on the color wheel), foreshadowing his later role as Chris's dark reflection. It should be noted that Silver, the rival character of ''Pokémon Gold and Silver'' also has red hair and is Giovanni's son. Chris claimed to be unaware of this, and has said that Naitsirhc is adopted.<ref>[[Mailbag 38]]</ref>

Much as [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] represents how Christian's inner speculation about what he'd be like if he were female, Reldnahc clearly represents what Chris thinks would happen if he surrendered himself to the temptations of sexual deviancy. Chief among these temptations is, of course, [[homos|homosexuality]], but also of note is Reldnahc's penchant for partial [[nudes|nudity]] (''"Put a shirt on!"''), torn jeans, unusual body piercings, and willingness to ejaculate wherever he pleases. According to Chris, Reldnahc's costume in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] is based on that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Key|Key]], a [[Wikipedia:Bishōnen|''bishōnen'']] [[Wikipedia:J-rock|J-rock]] star in ''[[Excel Saga]]'', whose sexuality unnerved Chris.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref>

==Fictional biography==
[[File:RG.PNG|thumb|In Reldnahc's first appearance, he isn't quite such a [[homo]].]]
Acting on behalf of [[Wikipedia:Team Rocket|Team Rocket]], Naitsirhc Giovanni first menaced CWCville shortly after [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] first evolved from a [[Pikachu]]. While Sonichu and Rosechu were shopping at [[CWCville Mall]], Naitsirhc unleashed a [[Pokémon#Zapdos|Zapdos]] to abduct [[Rosechu]] as bait to capture Sonichu. Provoked into action, Sonichu quickly confused and overpowered the Zapdos with his Double Team attack, and forced Naitsirhc to withdraw. Naitsirhc vowed he would capture Sonichu someday.

Naitsirhc did not come away empty-handed. The tissue samples and surveillance photos he obtained were used by his adoptive father, [[Giovanni]], to convince [[Doctor Robotnik]] to form an alliance. Together, Robotnik and [[Team Rocket]] aspired to create a clone of Sonichu. However, Team Rocket researcher [[Bill the Scientist]] accidentally spilled cherry cola onto Sonichu's DNA sample, creating unexpected side effects in the clone. Naitsirhc was the first to notice the clone's [[niggos|darker complexion]], and named the new creature "[[Black Sonichu]]". Direct authority over the clone was assigned to Naitsirhc, who asserted himself as Blachu's master and coordinated field missions for the shadowy [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

Naitsirhc first sent Black Sonichu to kidnap Rosechu, again using the girl as bait for Sonichu, which might well have succeeded if not for [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In his second outing, Blachu was ordered by Naitsirhc to obtain the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] from [[Flame the Sunbird]], another mission resulting only in failure.

Naitsirhc's subsequent activities would remain unclear until the day [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] invaded [[CWCville]] with their army of [[Jerkop]]s. During this battle, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] was pulled into Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], triggering a part of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]:

{{quote|When the original medal is submerged in darkness, the dark medal will appear, and he who's [''sic''] name is reverse, will transform into the ultimate dark being.}}

At the same moment in Viridian City, Naitsirhc was suddenly able to hear Christian's thoughts, and a Black Sonichu version of Christian's [[medallion]] materialized on his chest. By the time Black Sonichu discovered his master's condition, he had completely transformed into the foretold ultimate dark being: a green Sonic recolor in a codpiece. Naitsirhc now desired to rule the world and kill Christian using the seven [[Sonichu Balls]]. According to Black Sonichu, Naitsirhc began acting rudely to Giovanni and insulting Blachu at every opportunity. Most diabolically, Naitsirhc soiled Black Sonichu's rocket boots with whipped cream (originally [[semen|some creamy stuff]]). That's some ultimate dark being.
[[Image:083-ReldnahcHeTaque.jpg|thumb|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]]
[[Image:Queef.jpg|thumb|left|Naitsirhc launches his Special Mangina Attack.]]
Naitsirhc, now styling himself as "Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc", now possessed the same abilities as Christian, including the power to transform into an Electric Hedgehog Furfag form, '''Reldnahc Ha-Taque''' (by invoking the words "Dark [[Wikipedia:Shocker (hand gesture)|Shocker]] Power"), and the ability to fire the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]'s evil twin, the ''Quee-fee-mae-mo-bo-bo''<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_88 Issue 9 Page 88]</ref>, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. While Christian and his allies were discussing the need to obtain the Sonichu Balls to rescue [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Black Sonichu and Reldnahc broke into a jewelry store at the [[CWCville Mall]] to steal one of the precious Balls. In their respective hedgehog forms, Chris and Reldnahc fought a lengthy, strenuous battle at high-speed, culminating at [[Manchester High School]], where the unexpected return of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved Christian from certain doom. A blow to the head from Bionic's basketball knocked Reldnahc against the gymnasium bleachers, leaving him in a coma for ten weeks. Upon recovering, Reldnahc swore revenge against Bionic.

Naitsirhc was next seen attending a conference of the enemies of Christian Chandler, held to discuss plans following Christian's disappearance in the [[Time Void|time void]]. He was among a group of evil Electric Hedgehogs that terrorized the city, along with [[Silvana]] and [[Wes Iseli#Wes-Li Sonichu|Wes-Li]]. During a confrontation with Bionic, he attempted to get his revenge with an [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|embarrassment curse]], but Bionic was somehow able to grab the ethereal energy like a basketball and throw it back, causing Naitsirhc to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]]. He retreated in embarrassment, vowing vengeance again. For whatever reason, Chris is really playing up Bionic as a rival to Naitsirhc; if he's put any thought into this at all, it might be because [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] ends with Chris writing himself out of the comic, supposedly forever. Although he's back in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with an even bigger [[Chris and his ego|plot significance]] than ever before.

Toward the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Reldnahc is injected with the gay vaccine and, since apparently one can only access the Anchuent powers by being homo, robbed of his ability to turn into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Assuming this has driven the evil from Reldnahc, Chris has him warped away to [[Kel]], where he shall never be seen again, and the two can fall in (STRAIGHT!) love. Which is totally just that easy to predict.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Naitsirhc}}
*[[Liquid Chris]], Chris's real-life doppelganger
*[[Homos]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], his [[Homo|gayer]] counterpart.
*[[Giovanni]]
*[[Blake]]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Reldnahc, Notsew Naitsirhc}}

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/ReldnahcNNaitsirhc Naitsirhc's YouTube channel]

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc

2015-04-05T01:42:44Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Background */

{{quote|I'm straight, he's a homo.|[[Mumble 11]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:082-ReldnahcNotsewNaitsirhc.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] (in universe)
24 March 2005 (IRL)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Heir to [[Team Rocket]]
|-
| '''Transforms into'''
| Reldnahc Ha-Taque
|-
|}
'''Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc''' (pronounced {{IPA|[ɹɛldnæk ˈnɑtsoː ˈneɪtsɚk]}}<ref>[[Sonichu 7 Official Videobook]]</ref>, "relld-nack not-so nate-sirk"), formerly '''Naitsirhc Rodriguez''',<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#Slaweel_and_Graduon_Entraps_Crystal.2FNaitsirch_Transforms]</ref> is the "evil twin" of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] (despite being unrelated). His name is obviously Christian's full name backwards.

Reldnahc was originally introduced as a member of [[Team Rocket]] and the creator of [[Blake|Black Sonichu]], but the mystical powers unleashed by Christian's discovery of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] revealed to him his true nature and his ability to transform into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. To this day, he is still straighter than Chris.

Since discovering that he is the opposite number of Christian, Reldnahc has embraced anything that is anathema to the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Most notably in this regard, Reldnahc is the only openly gay male character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' (Fun fact: Chris lets Reldnahc point out that they differ because of his openness, not his [[homos|homosexuality]]).<ref>[[:File:SchuComic7Page29.jpg]] ''Sonichu'' 6, page 29: "I am darkness, I am evil, I am... open!"</ref>

==Background==
[[Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|thumb|With everything else on his plate, he still found time to write a self-help book. This man TRULY IS the diametric opposite of [[CWC]].]]
{{quote|As a member of Team Rocket, and son of [[Giovanni]], he has caught, or stolen, all rare [[Pokémon]]. He yerns [''sic''] to catch [[Sonichu]].|Naitsirhc ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' [[:Image:382-ACNaitsirhcBck.jpg|card]]}}
Although little is known about how Christian developed the character, it can be assumed that the idea of spelling his own name in reverse for the name of a villain immediately appealed to his [[Chris and his Ego|colossal narcissism]]. Reldnahc debuted in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] as the son/lackey of [[Team Rocket]] boss [[Giovanni]], belying his greater significance to the ''Sonichu'' canon. However, Chris appears to have always colored the character's eyes red and orange (in contrast to his own green and blue eyes, the former two being the opposite of the latter two on the color wheel), foreshadowing his later role as Chris's dark reflection. It should be noted that Silver, the rival character of ''Pokémon Gold and Silver'' also has red hair and is Giovanni's son. Chris claimed to be unaware of this, and has said that Naitsirhc is adopted.<ref>[[Mailbag 38]]</ref>

Much as [[Sister|Crystal]] represents how Christian's inner speculation about what he'd be like if he were female, Reldnahc clearly represents what Chris thinks would happen if he surrendered himself to the temptations of sexual deviancy. Chief among these temptations is, of course, [[homosexuality]], but also of note is Reldnahc's penchant for partial [[nudes|nudity]] (''"Put a shirt on!"''), torn jeans, unusual body piercings, and willingness to ejaculate wherever he pleases. According to Chris, Reldnahc's costume in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] is based on that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Key|Key]], a [[Wikipedia:Bishōnen|''bishōnen'']] [[Wikipedia:J-rock|J-rock]] star in ''[[Excel Saga]]'', whose sexuality unnerved Chris.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref>

==Fictional biography==
[[File:RG.PNG|thumb|In Reldnahc's first appearance, he isn't quite such a [[homo]].]]
Acting on behalf of [[Wikipedia:Team Rocket|Team Rocket]], Naitsirhc Giovanni first menaced CWCville shortly after [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] first evolved from a [[Pikachu]]. While Sonichu and Rosechu were shopping at [[CWCville Mall]], Naitsirhc unleashed a [[Pokémon#Zapdos|Zapdos]] to abduct [[Rosechu]] as bait to capture Sonichu. Provoked into action, Sonichu quickly confused and overpowered the Zapdos with his Double Team attack, and forced Naitsirhc to withdraw. Naitsirhc vowed he would capture Sonichu someday.

Naitsirhc did not come away empty-handed. The tissue samples and surveillance photos he obtained were used by his adoptive father, [[Giovanni]], to convince [[Doctor Robotnik]] to form an alliance. Together, Robotnik and [[Team Rocket]] aspired to create a clone of Sonichu. However, Team Rocket researcher [[Bill the Scientist]] accidentally spilled cherry cola onto Sonichu's DNA sample, creating unexpected side effects in the clone. Naitsirhc was the first to notice the clone's [[niggos|darker complexion]], and named the new creature "[[Black Sonichu]]". Direct authority over the clone was assigned to Naitsirhc, who asserted himself as Blachu's master and coordinated field missions for the shadowy [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]].

Naitsirhc first sent Black Sonichu to kidnap Rosechu, again using the girl as bait for Sonichu, which might well have succeeded if not for [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In his second outing, Blachu was ordered by Naitsirhc to obtain the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] from [[Flame the Sunbird]], another mission resulting only in failure.

Naitsirhc's subsequent activities would remain unclear until the day [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]] invaded [[CWCville]] with their army of [[Jerkop]]s. During this battle, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] was pulled into Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]], triggering a part of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]:

{{quote|When the original medal is submerged in darkness, the dark medal will appear, and he who's [''sic''] name is reverse, will transform into the ultimate dark being.}}

At the same moment in Viridian City, Naitsirhc was suddenly able to hear Christian's thoughts, and a Black Sonichu version of Christian's [[medallion]] materialized on his chest. By the time Black Sonichu discovered his master's condition, he had completely transformed into the foretold ultimate dark being: a green Sonic recolor in a codpiece. Naitsirhc now desired to rule the world and kill Christian using the seven [[Sonichu Balls]]. According to Black Sonichu, Naitsirhc began acting rudely to Giovanni and insulting Blachu at every opportunity. Most diabolically, Naitsirhc soiled Black Sonichu's rocket boots with whipped cream (originally [[semen|some creamy stuff]]). That's some ultimate dark being.
[[Image:083-ReldnahcHeTaque.jpg|thumb|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]]
[[Image:Queef.jpg|thumb|left|Naitsirhc launches his Special Mangina Attack.]]
Naitsirhc, now styling himself as "Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc", now possessed the same abilities as Christian, including the power to transform into an Electric Hedgehog Furfag form, '''Reldnahc Ha-Taque''' (by invoking the words "Dark [[Wikipedia:Shocker (hand gesture)|Shocker]] Power"), and the ability to fire the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]'s evil twin, the ''Quee-fee-mae-mo-bo-bo''<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_88 Issue 9 Page 88]</ref>, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. While Christian and his allies were discussing the need to obtain the Sonichu Balls to rescue [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Black Sonichu and Reldnahc broke into a jewelry store at the [[CWCville Mall]] to steal one of the precious Balls. In their respective hedgehog forms, Chris and Reldnahc fought a lengthy, strenuous battle at high-speed, culminating at [[Manchester High School]], where the unexpected return of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] saved Christian from certain doom. A blow to the head from Bionic's basketball knocked Reldnahc against the gymnasium bleachers, leaving him in a coma for ten weeks. Upon recovering, Reldnahc swore revenge against Bionic.

Naitsirhc was next seen attending a conference of the enemies of Christian Chandler, held to discuss plans following Christian's disappearance in the [[Time Void|time void]]. He was among a group of evil Electric Hedgehogs that terrorized the city, along with [[Silvana]] and [[Wes Iseli#Wes-Li Sonichu|Wes-Li]]. During a confrontation with Bionic, he attempted to get his revenge with an [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|embarrassment curse]], but Bionic was somehow able to grab the ethereal energy like a basketball and throw it back, causing Naitsirhc to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]]. He retreated in embarrassment, vowing vengeance again. For whatever reason, Chris is really playing up Bionic as a rival to Naitsirhc; if he's put any thought into this at all, it might be because [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] ends with Chris writing himself out of the comic, supposedly forever. Although he's back in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], with an even bigger [[Chris and his ego|plot significance]] than ever before.

Toward the end of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Reldnahc is injected with the gay vaccine and, since apparently one can only access the Anchuent powers by being homo, robbed of his ability to turn into Reldnahc Ha-Taque. Assuming this has driven the evil from Reldnahc, Chris has him warped away to [[Kel]], where he shall never be seen again, and the two can fall in (STRAIGHT!) love. Which is totally just that easy to predict.

==References==
<references />

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Naitsirhc}}
*[[Liquid Chris]], Chris's real-life doppelganger
*[[Homos]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]], his [[Homo|gayer]] counterpart.
*[[Giovanni]]
*[[Blake]]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Reldnahc, Notsew Naitsirhc}}

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/ReldnahcNNaitsirhc Naitsirhc's YouTube channel]

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

2015-04-01T22:04:27Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Analysis */

"'''Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu'''" is Sonichu's poem to [[Rosechu]]. Briefly quoted in [[Issue 0| Episode 2]], with the full text available in a Valentine's Day edition of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''. In one simple poem, Chris manages to make the reader completely lose all respect for literature in general. Obviously written stream-of-consciously, it's a mishmash of a loopy, offbeat meter and some extremely awkward rhymes. However, it still beats out many of Chris's poetic forays.

Incidentally, Sonichu feels he is required to point out that Rosechu [[Women's rights|can't run as fast as he]]. He's a real charmer, that guy.

==Text==
[[Image:Sonichu's Ode.jpg|thumb|Original Poem]]
Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, 
though a [[Zapbud]] is the flower that heals your woes.

You shock me with your electrifying radiance, 
If I evolve into your [[Metonic|knight]], I will protect you with my [[duck|lance]].

Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I, 
You dance in a field with such grace and style. [[Stress sigh|Sigh]]…

I will run great distances for thee, 
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee.

Rosey, as often as birds tweet, 
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

==Analysis==

The poem starts out rather well, with the first couplet managing to make sense and (almost) follow a meter. Things immediately rocket downhill in the next two lines, the phrase [[China|"electrifying radiance"]] throwing off the rhythm and not really rhyming with "lance". This is, of course, ignoring the [[Women's rights|chauvinistic tone]] and the romance-killing [[Pokémon|Pokemon]] references. Chris comes under some heavy [[stress]] for the next bit, apparently, opening with a rather boring and cliched claim, followed by the awkwardly stuffed in 'strained knee'. The ending fares slightly better, reestablishing a pattern (albeit with a very awkward word order), but by then the damage is far too great.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The third poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Valentine's Day Hymn]].
}}

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

2015-04-01T22:03:34Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Analysis */

"'''Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu'''" is Sonichu's poem to [[Rosechu]]. Briefly quoted in [[Issue 0| Episode 2]], with the full text available in a Valentine's Day edition of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''. In one simple poem, Chris manages to make the reader completely lose all respect for literature in general. Obviously written stream-of-consciously, it's a mishmash of a loopy, offbeat meter and some extremely awkward rhymes. However, it still beats out many of Chris's poetic forays.

Incidentally, Sonichu feels he is required to point out that Rosechu [[Women's rights|can't run as fast as he]]. He's a real charmer, that guy.

==Text==
[[Image:Sonichu's Ode.jpg|thumb|Original Poem]]
Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, 
though a [[Zapbud]] is the flower that heals your woes.

You shock me with your electrifying radiance, 
If I evolve into your [[Metonic|knight]], I will protect you with my [[duck|lance]].

Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I, 
You dance in a field with such grace and style. [[Stress sigh|Sigh]]…

I will run great distances for thee, 
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee.

Rosey, as often as birds tweet, 
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

==Analysis==

The poem starts out rather well, with the first couplet managing to make sense and (almost) follow a meter. Things immediately rocket downhill in the next two lines, the phrase [[China|"electrifying radiance"]] throwing off the rhythm and not really rhyming with "lance". This is, of course, ignoring the [[Women's rights|chauvinistic tone]] and the romance-killing [[Pokemon]] references. Chris comes under some heavy [[stress]] for the next bit, apparently, opening with a rather boring and cliched claim, followed by the awkwardly stuffed in 'strained knee'. The ending fares slightly better, reestablishing a pattern (albeit with a very awkward word order), but by then the damage is far too great.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The third poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Valentine's Day Hymn]].
}}

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu

2015-04-01T22:02:48Z

Ultimate Paragon:

"'''Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu'''" is Sonichu's poem to [[Rosechu]]. Briefly quoted in [[Issue 0| Episode 2]], with the full text available in a Valentine's Day edition of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''. In one simple poem, Chris manages to make the reader completely lose all respect for literature in general. Obviously written stream-of-consciously, it's a mishmash of a loopy, offbeat meter and some extremely awkward rhymes. However, it still beats out many of Chris's poetic forays.

Incidentally, Sonichu feels he is required to point out that Rosechu [[Women's rights|can't run as fast as he]]. He's a real charmer, that guy.

==Text==
[[Image:Sonichu's Ode.jpg|thumb|Original Poem]]
Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, 
though a [[Zapbud]] is the flower that heals your woes.

You shock me with your electrifying radiance, 
If I evolve into your [[Metonic|knight]], I will protect you with my [[duck|lance]].

Speed makes no difference, though you are slower than I, 
You dance in a field with such grace and style. [[Stress sigh|Sigh]]…

I will run great distances for thee, 
for I can run very fast and never get a strained knee.

Rosey, as often as birds tweet, 
will you be my lovely heartsweet?

==Analysis==

The poem starts out rather well, with the first couplet managing to make sense and (almost) follow a meter. Things immediately rocket downhill in the next two lines, the phrase [[China|"electrifying radiance"]] throwing off the rhythm and not really rhyming with "lance". This is, of course, ignoring the [[Women's Rights|chauvinistic tone]] and the romance-killing [[Pokemon]] references. Chris comes under some heavy [[stress]] for the next bit, apparently, opening with a rather boring and cliched claim, followed by the awkwardly stuffed in 'strained knee'. The ending fares slightly better, reestablishing a pattern (albeit with a very awkward word order), but by then the damage is far too great.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1rN7PtUMMYg}}
| Stardate = 28 May 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = The third poem read, along with [[Hard Love Quest]] and [[Valentine's Day Hymn]].
}}

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Bunny Hop

2015-04-01T21:07:22Z

Ultimate Paragon:

'''Bunny Hop''' is a video shot and uploaded to [[YouTube]] in Easter [[2009]]. It shows [[Chris]] pretending to be a bunny with a [[Chris and race#Asians|stereotypical Japanese accent]], and doing a [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]] dance, as a means of [[Chris and reality|entertaining]] [[Crass and Champ|two nonexistent crabs]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Bunny Hop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VPX7zS23n0U}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The Return of Kimmi]]
| next = [[A CWC Audition]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Easter Chris.jpg|thumb|left|The video in a nutshell.]]
[[Image:0031-EasterChristopher.jpg|thumb|A formative experience.]]

[''voice over''] PYONG PYONG PYOOONNG, for Crass and Champ! PYONG PYONG PYOOOOOOONNG!

[''Chris is seen holding a pair of pipe cleaners behind his head to represent rabbit ears. He squats down to place his PS3 controller on the ground and gets back up.'']

[''attempting a kind of [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|English]] accent''] Hoppy Easter! Ivy-ee! Crass and...Chat! Mmmm...Hoppy Easter!

[''begins hopping around, doing a godawful rendition of "Bunny Hop", a children's song, flailing his arms and wiggling around as the whole front of his torso jiggles up and down in disgusting unison. Around 0:44 Chris attempts to continue the song using kissing noises'']

Hhhooooooooooo-ppy Easter! Hoppy Easter! Mmm...[[Rape|we'regonnahavefun!]] [''One of his "ears" falls off, and Chris reaches down to pick it up'']

Bye now.

==Alternate version==
A version without the voice over at the beginning was uploaded by [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] on 3 [[October 2010]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Bunny Hop
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Vg4NtCez6Nc}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| shirt = {{RedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The Return of Kimmi]]
| next = [[A CWC Audition]]
}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The CWC Dance
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Glk7L6FcNe0}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/cwcfanb0y2 cwcfanb0y2]
| subject = Do the autistic!
| type = VG Remix
}}

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The Return of Kimmi]]|nextlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-12]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-12]]

2015

2015-03-31T05:08:55Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Events of 2015 */

{{Ongoing}}
'''2015''' is the seventh year of organized trolling since [[Chris]]'s discovery. Coming full circle with the unfortunate incident of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] burning down, [[2014|last year]], Chris announced that the renovations on it were finished, and that he would be moving back in. However, this bit of good news is completely tarnished by what had transpired mere days before the turn of the new year: [[26 December 2014|due to the events]] of [[December 2014]], Chris could potentially be spending most of this year in prison, a threat that loomed over his head [[28 October 2011|once before]]. However, unlike last time, Chris neither has a [[This is how the Trial went|decent attorney]] nor a ''[[Chris and the Law|(mostly)]]'' clean slate to fall back on, which makes the outlook of this year fairly grim.

==Events of 2015==
*Chris could be serving time in prison [[26 December 2014|due to his recent incarceration]] and the January [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] incident, depending on the outcome of his trial on [[April 2015|2 April]].
*Sometime during the course of year, Chris will have been married to [[Lovely Weather]] and participated in a medical study to cure [[Homos|homosexuality]], as predicted in [[Sonichu 10]]. With the year slowly creeping in and little sign of [[Chris and reality|this actually happening]], it's safe to say that Chris's expectations of the future may have lead him on a bit too much.
*This is also the year that Chris claimed [[Bob Chandler|his father]] would die, having heard it from the Grim Reaper in a prophetic [[Dreams|dream]].
*This was also supposed to be the year of the [[Manchester High School]] 15th annual reunion which he had worked so hard on in [[2013]] until he found out his [[gal pal|gal-pals]] had been hired help. It is unknown whether it will be held or whether Chris will care.

==January==
{{main|January 2015}}
*As of [[December 2014]], Chris had also announced that he would be moving back to the recently renovated [[14 Branchland Court]], possibly within the course of the month or early January.

==February==
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|Chris in February 2015.]]
{{main|February 2015}}
*Chris revealed that he did the album art for noise band L'Eclipse Nue. His hearing took place on the 5th, and was continued until April. He sold more [[medallion]]s on [[eBay]] and [[Birthday|turned 33]].

==March==
{{main|March 2015}}
*Chris has released a list of celebrities he'd like to party with and became spectacularly gullible when a fake document was sent to him stating that Sega will recall all Sonic merchandise to give him blue arms permanently.

==April==
{{main|April 2015}}
*Chris' next hearing will take place on April 2.

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

2015

2015-03-31T05:08:37Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Events of 2015 */

{{Ongoing}}
'''2015''' is the seventh year of organized trolling since [[Chris]]'s discovery. Coming full circle with the unfortunate incident of his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] burning down, [[2014|last year]], Chris announced that the renovations on it were finished, and that he would be moving back in. However, this bit of good news is completely tarnished by what had transpired mere days before the turn of the new year: [[26 December 2014|due to the events]] of [[December 2014]], Chris could potentially be spending most of this year in prison, a threat that loomed over his head [[28 October 2011|once before]]. However, unlike last time, Chris neither has a [[This is how the Trial went|decent attorney]] nor a ''[[Chris and the Law|(mostly)]]'' clean slate to fall back on, which makes the outlook of this year fairly grim.

==Events of 2015==
*Chris could be serving time in prison [[26 December 2014|due to his recent incarceration]] and the January [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] incident, depending on the outcome of his trial on [[April 2015|2 April]].
*Sometime during the course of year, Chris will have been married to [[Lovely Weather]] and participated in a medical study to cure [[Homos|homosexuality]], as predicted in [[Sonichu 10]]. With the year slowly creeping in and little sign of [[Chris and reality|this actually happening]], it's safe to say that Chris's expectations of the future may have lead him on a bit too much.
*This is also the year that Chris claimed [[Bob Chandler|his father]] would die, having heard it from the Grim Reaper in a prophetic [[Dreams|dream]].
*This was also supposed to be the year of the [[Manchester High School]] 15th annual reunion which he had worked so hard on in [[2013]] until he found out his [[gal-pals]] had been hired help. It is unknown whether it will be held or whether Chris will care.

==January==
{{main|January 2015}}
*As of [[December 2014]], Chris had also announced that he would be moving back to the recently renovated [[14 Branchland Court]], possibly within the course of the month or early January.

==February==
[[File:CWCtrial.png|thumb|Chris in February 2015.]]
{{main|February 2015}}
*Chris revealed that he did the album art for noise band L'Eclipse Nue. His hearing took place on the 5th, and was continued until April. He sold more [[medallion]]s on [[eBay]] and [[Birthday|turned 33]].

==March==
{{main|March 2015}}
*Chris has released a list of celebrities he'd like to party with and became spectacularly gullible when a fake document was sent to him stating that Sega will recall all Sonic merchandise to give him blue arms permanently.

==April==
{{main|April 2015}}
*Chris' next hearing will take place on April 2.

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Timeline}} [[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and the law

2015-03-31T05:07:06Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Understanding */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Brutality; [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Godmode!Chris]]'s solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously [[naïve]] at worst. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[tobacky|smoking]] one cigarette.<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkop|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, it's at the very least a more rational stance than [[Wikipedia:Alex Jones (radio host)|certain other obese manchildren who make a living off posting angry videos of themselves on the internet]].

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray so without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent when, in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==

The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PlayStation 3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. It appears that the Virginia justice system had finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===

[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On the 12th April, Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdeameanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 [[April 2012]], Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris ran for it once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing an [[HEXBox|Xbox One]] display at a Wal-Mart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son probably helped earn her clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and is under a two year probation.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the jerkops in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make laws. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He, of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[Autism|autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In CWCville, Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for women's rights, that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the U.S., suggesting that Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and the law

2015-03-31T05:06:04Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* 2014 */

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Brutality; [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Godmode!Chris]]'s solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously naïve at worst. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[smoking]] one cigarette.<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkop|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, it's at the very least a more rational stance than [[Wikipedia:Alex Jones (radio host)|certain other obese manchildren who make a living off posting angry videos of themselves on the internet]].

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray so without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Wal-Mart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent when, in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==

The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|three new videos]] posted after 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused [[Michael Snyder]] of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (aka pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Michael Snyder did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PlayStation 3]], numerous children's [[toys]] and the five or so dollars in Chris's bank account.

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and two misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''third'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe. It appears that the Virginia justice system had finally run out of patience.

As a direct result of his October 28 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and his [[barb|mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===

[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On the 12th April, Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdeameanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 [[April 2012]], Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris ran for it once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing an [[HEXBox|Xbox One]] display at a Wal-Mart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, ill-health and dependent son probably helped earn her clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and is under a two year probation.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the jerkops in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make laws. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He, of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure [[Autism|autistic]] logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the [[Wikipedia:Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], specifically [[Wikipedia:Freedom of Speech|Freedom of Speech]].

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In CWCville, Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for women's rights, that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the U.S., suggesting that Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] has shown no less than four grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

Cheesy!

2015-03-30T04:29:16Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Transcript */

[[Image:Flipbookcrazy.png|thumb|right|I am NOT Crazy!]]

'''Cheesy!''' is the seventh of [[Chris]]'s [[Flipnote]]s. The animation consists of what is supposedly the character [[Wikipedia:Foster%27s_Home_for_Imaginary_Friends#Recurring_characters|Cheese]] from the animated series ''[[Wikipedia:Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends|Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends]]'' speaking lines of dialogue lifted directly from the show.

At the end of the animation, Chris claims that he is [[Chris and reality|not crazy]], and that he was only doing this animation for fun. For once, Chris actually admits that something he has done is unoriginal.

What convinced Chris to [[Things Chris has ripped off|blatantly plagiarize]] is relatively unknown. In the original show, Cheese is a character with some sort of [[Slow-in-the-minds|learning disability]] and is used to produce a lot of what Chris would call [[random-access humor]]. It is possible that Chris has based his entire 'sense of humor' around Cheese. The problem is he doesn't get what makes Cheese funny in the first place. Cheese is funny because he's impulsive and lovable, while Chris is not funny because he's uncreative and repellent. It is quite obvious now that Chris is simply trying to copy something that is funny in hope that he somehow becomes funny in the process.

In short, Chris is outdone by a fictional character.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/Flipnote
| name = Cheesy!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vFmM0ZWJfV4}}
| stardate = 27 [[June 2010]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}, {{Flipnote|text}}
| previous = [[RandomSong1]]
| next = [[Tagged Flipnote]]
}}
=== Transcript ===

'''Cheese:''' I like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|chocolate milk]]! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you can even use a [[Fapcup|jar]]! Again! I like cereal! Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again!

'''Writing:''' This was a silly Cheese Bunch from [[Wikipedia:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]], and it's only a spot of fun; I am not crazy. C.W.C.

[[Category:Flipnote Hatena|2010-06-27 b]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, June 2010|2010-06-27 b]]

Chris and health

2015-03-30T04:19:48Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Dental health */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff]] [[Homos#Evidence that Chris might be gay|in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]].]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu]] that he smells good and asks him if he bathed. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that Axe alone can be used to rid of body odor.</ref>

It would appear that Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> In Chris's defense, it should be noted that the clothes that he wears while filming himself are clothes meant to be worn while going outside of the house. Due to not having any of the obligations a man his age is expected to have, it is likely that he spent most of the time between shooting videos at home, possibly wearing pajamas that he may or may not have replaced regularly. It might be that Chris wears outside clothes at home only briefly during the making of videos and takes them off shortly afterwards. If this is the case, the clothes he is seen wearing for several videos in a row were actually worn for not much more than what it took to make the videos in question.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low-quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

One day in September 2014, Chris decided to give himself [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Many trolls were concerned that with Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|unclean habits]], it would eventually become infected. Sure enough, in December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that it had not only migrated (''tearing the skin'' in the process), but had become infected as well. Unfortunately, as Chris insists that he is a transwoman, he noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it repierced. Given that Chris was completely ignoring the fact that infection can cause extreme pain--or [[Chris and death|worse]]--it is fortunate that good sense prevailed [[Chris and his Ego|for once]], and he got rid of it entirely by the end of the year.
{{clear}}

==Living conditions==
[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]
''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

Simply put, Chris has spent several years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and uncleanliness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he so unwisely shared with the world ([[Destruction Of Chris's House|at least, while it was still standing]]) showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris slipping on cat shit. Trolls also managed to extract from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of insect infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the fire, it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after his house burned down, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house have revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently captured a bit of rat shit on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic evidence to the contrary]]. At any rate, assuming the rental house doesn't share the fate of 14 Branchland Court, one can only imagine the complaints Chris and Barb will receive when and if they finally return to sullying their own property.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[Honest Content|honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell (partly due to Chris's [[Chris and cinematography|awful camerawork]]), in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For over 6 years, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he still falls for it time after time. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years — because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30's, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[Chris and sex#Chris and gender|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris has lost his virginity, however, and as of yet, has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life, in fact he has been plunging himself into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no-one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counsellor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to [[Manchester High School|the education system]], as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Another mental factor that has affected Chris's overall health is [[stress]]. In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. It's not unlikely, especially if you take into account Chris's other problems above.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any for [[Virgin with Rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Chris and health

2015-03-30T04:19:06Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Dental health */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff]] [[Homos#Evidence that Chris might be gay|in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]].]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu]] that he smells good and asks him if he bathed. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that Axe alone can be used to rid of body odor.</ref>

It would appear that Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> In Chris's defense, it should be noted that the clothes that he wears while filming himself are clothes meant to be worn while going outside of the house. Due to not having any of the obligations a man his age is expected to have, it is likely that he spent most of the time between shooting videos at home, possibly wearing pajamas that he may or may not have replaced regularly. It might be that Chris wears outside clothes at home only briefly during the making of videos and takes them off shortly afterwards. If this is the case, the clothes he is seen wearing for several videos in a row were actually worn for not much more than what it took to make the videos in question.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low-quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

One day in September 2014, Chris decided to give himself [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Many trolls were concerned that with Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|unclean habits]], it would eventually become infected. Sure enough, in December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that it had not only migrated (''tearing the skin'' in the process), but had become infected as well. Unfortunately, as Chris insists that he is a transwoman, he noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it repierced. Given that Chris was completely ignoring the fact that infection can cause extreme pain--or [[Chris and death|worse]]--it is fortunate that good sense prevailed [[Chris and his Ego|for once]], and he got rid of it entirely by the end of the year.
{{clear}}

==Living conditions==
[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]
''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

Simply put, Chris has spent several years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and uncleanliness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he so unwisely shared with the world ([[Destruction Of Chris's House|at least, while it was still standing]]) showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris slipping on cat shit. Trolls also managed to extract from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of insect infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the fire, it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after his house burned down, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house have revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently captured a bit of rat shit on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic evidence to the contrary]]. At any rate, assuming the rental house doesn't share the fate of 14 Branchland Court, one can only imagine the complaints Chris and Barb will receive when and if they finally return to sullying their own property.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[Honest Content|honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For over 6 years, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he still falls for it time after time. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years — because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30's, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[Chris and sex#Chris and gender|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris has lost his virginity, however, and as of yet, has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life, in fact he has been plunging himself into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no-one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counsellor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to [[Manchester High School|the education system]], as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Another mental factor that has affected Chris's overall health is [[stress]]. In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. It's not unlikely, especially if you take into account Chris's other problems above.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any for [[Virgin with Rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

A Hike

2015-03-30T04:17:25Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{{Quote|i believe in you. you're my little mountain man! but chris, think of how manly you'll be for me when you conquer that trail!|[[Jackie]]<ref name="JackieChat6">[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}
[[File:monticello.jpeg|thumb|The "village" of Monticello]]
'''A Hike''' is a video Chris uploaded on 9 [[October 2010]]. As part of Chris's commitment with Jackie to make a video for each day in October, Jackie suggested Chris film himself hiking in the [[Wikipedia:Blue Ridge Mountains|Blue Ridge Mountains]]. Chris was too cheap to go there (he had been there with [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] using his "[[Wikipedia:Free travel pass|Seinor pass]]"<ref name="JackieChat6"/><ref>[[Jackie E-mails 17]]</ref> [[The Miscreants|Top men]] calculate that the filming took place at the Saunders-Monticello Trail.<ref>[http://www.monticello.org/parkway/trail.html]</ref>

The result is a rare video that sees Chris active during the day ''and'' outdoors. The video is broken up into small chunks with [[Chris]] alternating between hiking and filming, [[Chris and health|presumably the exertion from walking up a slight grade requiring all the energy he can muster]]. In what can be considered the spiritual successor to the [[Sonichu's Edge|"Parkay" video]], he is immediately out of breath after the first cut and continues to deteriorate from that point.

==Description==
{{EmailReply|I took a hike.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Hike
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZYoRAQd6YVU}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00001]]
| next = [[ECV 00002]]
}}

{{quote|I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and its revels.}}

=== Transcript ===

[[File:Chris' River.jpg|thumb||What could be a 2ft stream, Chris considers a river]]
[[File:Mississipi River.jpg|thumb|The Mississippi River is 20-30ft wide]]
[[File:Chris' river 2.jpg|thumb||right|What could be a tiny creek, Chris considers a BIG river]]
[[File:Ohio River.jpg|right|thumb|The Ohio River is one mile wide]]
[[File:Ditch.jpg|thumb|What could be a 5ft deep ditch, Chris considers a chasm]]
[[File:Purgatory Chasm.jpg|thumb|A real chasm]]
[[File:Blairchris.png|thumb|The parallels are eerie.]]

'''0:00-0:14''' ''[Chris is filming himself with his handheld camera. He is sitting in his car in broad daylight. Children scream in the background]''

Quarter after three now. I'm gonna be making my way up a mountain trail nearby [[Wikipedia:Monticello|The Monticello]]. I'll check back in about a quarter of an hour. I've got my ''[[wikipedia:OFF!|OFF!]]'', an' got my camera here and my phone. Be okay.

''[Jump cut, Chris has begun to labor in his breathing]''

'''0:15-0:27''' Ah, just a few minutes into my little hiking trail. So I walk off course to visit the little woodland theater or Palmer that [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my congregation]] and I visited one past Sunday

'''0:27-0:35''' ''[Chris walks up to the stage of the theater and pans the camera around the sitting area]''

'''0:35-0:38''' ...and now I'm gonna walk up further up the trail and I'll be back in a bit.

''[Jump cut, Chris is standing still.]''

'''0:38-0:55''' Annuder trail has gone esplored by me, so I'm gonna take a little look up the trail and see what's up this way. Check in in a bit, it is quite a mysterious forest. Along the mountain beside The Monticello.

''[Cut to dead tree]''

'''0:55-1:10''' Hm. A tree that has been uprooted by a past weather event, along the side of this path. Deep in the chasm, that forms a river. [[Random-access humor|Which could be a river, if there was more water in it]].

''[Jump cut, [[Chris and health|Chris's heavy breathing]] is slowly replacing the narration as the dominant soundtrack]''

'''1:10-1:31''' Deeper and deeper into the forest the trail goes, where it leads? I don't know yet. There's a rock with moss. Moss grows on the north side. On tree bark or rock formations. I just walked across a wooden plank.

'''1:31-2:01''' ''[Prolonged gasping for air]''

'''2:01-2:21''' If you think it's spooky. Well, you're wrong. Because it's only a stick I've stepped on. [[Obesity|A really big stick]]. North is that way! As I have seen, on this rock and its mold.

'''2:21-2:51''' ''[Chris continues breathing heavily]''

'''2:53-3:03''' ''[Narration becomes slower and slower with more breaks]'' Huh, look at that. A tree bit formation with moss on the wrong side. Bet it got twisted and turned. That's why it's on the wrong side. Isn't it?

'''3:03-3:29''' ''[Chris continues his way up the trail, struggling for air]''

'''3:30-3:43''' It is a sunny day in the village of Monticello. It's even a sunny day in the forest. Things may or may not be well, we'll see what what happens as we walk long this trail

'''3:43-3:56''' ''[Breathing continues horribly]''

'''3:56-4:04''' Huh, another tree fallen. [[Chris_and_music#Singing|''[Chris sings]'' Free fallin']]. Cut up chucks.

'''4:04-4:14''' ''[Chris takes a pause from his narration again]''

'''4:14-4:55''' Ah, look at this, a bit of an open field. A field that is open for play by one animal or two, or so. Quite possibly, many more. I think we go this way in the fork of the road. Other way goes back to civilization and I'm not ready to head back just yet. Look at that ''[Chris points the camera at a tree]'' a shade of red on this tree. One would suppose, rotted? Or dead wood? Or perhaps it is just dirty from dirt and grime thrown upon by its wondrous past.

'''4:55-5:01''' Over here, there's another big tree. OVER THERE! Fallen and uprooted.

'''5:02-5:21''' ''[Heavy breathing, slow walking, shaky camera]''

'''5:22-5:27''' Quite a chasm down there. If that were water, it probably would be a river. A big one.

'''5:28-5:57''' ''[Heavy breathing; Chris burps loudly at '''5:36''']''

'''5:57-6:02''' Goin' up the trail, not down the trail. Goin' up the trail not down the trail.

'''6:02-6:28''' ''[At this point, it's safe to say Chris is about to give up]''

'''6:28-6:46''' I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and its revels. [[Random-access humor|A bug buzzing about me. Not busy as a bumble bee.]]

'''6:46-7:33''' ''[Camera spends prolonged periods of time pointed at the ground, Chris is now gulping air. Chris utters two pained grunts around the '''7:25''' mark.]''

'''7:33-7:38''' Whew, a long way up we have gotten.

'''7:38-8:01''' ''[Chris is stumbling with exhaustion and stops midway on the trail. He [[Stress sigh|sighs]] at '''7:56''']''

'''8:01-8:20''' Well I think we've reached the end of our trail, not too many ways to go, yeah? We have reached a dead end.
''[Camera clearly shows the trail continuing off to the right, despite Chris's claims to the contrary]''

Rest a moment and I'm going to head by to [[Son-Chu|my car]]. Take a hiking trail of your own, if you will, in your own forest where there in dwell.

''[Jump cut]''

'''8:21-8:30''' Another commentary note, if you will, for down that big trail at that major fork with the clearing, we find an overlook. Let's take a look over.

'''8:30-8:38''' ''[Chris approaches the overlook and shows a view of plain trees and grass]''

'''8:38-8:47''' Hm. Vast glorious view from here. As was portrayed and enjoyed by [[Wikipedia:Carter Family|the Carter family]].

'''8:47-end''' ''[Chris points the camera at himself. He is flushed, pale, and drenched with sweat]''

Signing off now, y'all take care and be s-

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.monticello.org/sites/default/files/inline-pdfs/mountaintop_map_0.pdf Map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail] — what an average human could walk through in fewer than 15 minutes without breaking a sweat.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV 00001]]|nextlink=[[ECV 00002]]}}
{{Power videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-09]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-09]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-09]]

Chris and health

2015-03-30T04:16:50Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Eat less cow meat; Grilled Chicken is healthier. [[Pickle|Vegetables]] and Fruit are a must; [[A Hike|Walking]] or [[Father Call|Jogging]] is great exercise daily. Standing helps too; play some ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' on [[Gitar of Fail|Guitar]], you have to stand while playing, and move a bit for fun and movement.|Chris's [[Chris and Hypocrisy|ironic]] advice for [[Wikipedia:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_2</ref>}}

[[Image:DecayOfManChild.jpg|thumb|Chris in a few years.]]

[[Chris]], as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine can plainly see, is not in good '''health'''. Considering his [[obesity]], [[Power|lack of exercise]], [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|poor nutrition]], [[ShowerClean|refusal to bathe]], and [[Tour of Chris's House|the grave uncleanliness]] of [[Rental House|his]] [[14 Branchland Court|surroundings]], he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life-threatening medical problems such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and [[Wikipedia:Atherosclerosis|atherosclerosis]].

==Nutrition==
{{main|Obesity}}
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|left|Christian Weston Chandler is not a very healthy individual in any sense of the word.]]
[[File:Recycle.jpg|thumb|Chris tends to drink large amounts of soft drinks daily.]]
Chris is a known fast food lover, eating either [[McDonald's]] or [[Burger King]] at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely.

Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week,<ref>[[Mumble 6|Mumble #6]]</ref> making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks.<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti in a YouTube video (an incredibly basic dish), he dodged responsibility by claiming that [[Barbara]] had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead made microwaved spaghetti and meatballs.<ref>[[SpaghettiRoutine]]</ref> It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook and simply buys microwavable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.

Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This suggests that Chris never drinks water and that he drinks a lot of [[CWC Cola|carbonated]] [[My Coke Rewards|drinks]] and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

* '''Breakfast:''' Often nothing because he usually [[Biological clock|sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon]], but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.
* '''Lunch:''' Something quick at home or fast food.
* '''Dinner:''' Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.

In addition, it is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontinence]] (the other one being [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|ramming stuff]] [[Homos#Evidence that Chris might be gay|in his rectum]]), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence;<ref>[[Wikipedia:Fecal_incontinence#Constipation|Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia]]</ref> casually, it happens that Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how many years.

According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other foods of any other food group.<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref> The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general.

In short, Chris is a fatty, yet he denies it, and his food makes him shit himself.

It seems that his diet has finally caught up with him, as it was revealed in the [[Father Call|conversation]] with [[Kacey]]'s father that Chris's doctor has prescribed him [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] for his high cholesterol. Chris claims that he stopped taking the drug in the fall of [[2009]], but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious [[lies]] he told about his health in the course of the rest of the conversation) is uncertain.

===Places where Chris likes to eat===
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]] (Has closed its doors in Charlottesville)
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcstrongman.JPG|thumb|[[I AM STRONG]]]]
<center>{{#ev:youtube|c7BcDvftwhI}}</center>

{{quote|[…] while my body is [[I AM STRONG|Strong]] and [[Power]]ful, I am unable to Run Fast without losing breath 10-Seconds in [[Sonic]]-Running Speed.|[[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#I_DO.21</ref>}}

Chris has not had any regular exercise since leaving [[high school]], and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. Since he barely leaves his house and focuses his time on playing [[vidya]], his lack of exposure to the sunlight has left his skin a frightening pallor that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room, while making videos. Also, most fat people have strong, stocky legs, due to carrying around all that weight, but since Chris very rarely performs any task more physically demanding than [[Guitar Hero|standing up]], his muscles have withered away, leaving a body made almost entirely out of fat, as evidenced by his incredibly thin and weak arms [[Sign Destruction Video|that are incapable of breaking wooden sticks]] and [[Chris Loses It|barely capable of tearing cardboard]].

When questioned about exercise, he regarded standing up and playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' as exercise.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> Needless to say, Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris's [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest entry]], where he foolishly chose to dance, he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere thirty seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position). While attending [[Fridays After Five]] for a while, he danced in public like a stroke victim, then sat down to rest and play some vidya outdoors. Despite this, in [[WelcometoBollywood]] he is capable of dancing in place for over 7 minutes. Whether or not he did this with the magic of jump cuts remains to be seen.

During the later stages of his infatuation with [[Kacey]], many of Chris's videos showed a growing obsession with his own physical power. Chris apparently believes himself to be a nigh-unstoppable testament to human might, and has made several videos dedicated to [[I AM STRONG|flexing]] and [[30 Push-Ups|feats]] of [[11042009 51 50|strength]], performing Herculean tasks such as lifting boxes of Minute Maid lemonade and almost doing fake push-ups. He appears to believe that he could've defeated both his rivals [[Gregg Mays]] and [[Liquid Chris]] should've it to came to blows, and as such had challenged them to fisticuffs multiple times.

Of course, Chris is once again completely delusional about his own abilities. The push-ups and curls he has struggled to do on camera only serve to demonstrate exactly how hopelessly out of shape he really is. He's so fat and his muscles are so small that it's never clear whether he's actually flexing, and the [[CWCFighter|fighting]] [[Challenge for Clyde|moves]] he's shown us are laughably incompetent. Were Chris to [[I Got A Fish|get his wish]] and physically confront Gregg or Liquid, he would definitely have his ass handed to him.

In the [[Father Call]] and the subsequent [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Chris made various claims about having taken up jogging. At one point he claimed to jog five miles (8 kilometers) a day, but it didn't take long for Kacey and her father to call him out on this obvious lie. The truth is clearly shown in [[Sonichu's Edge]], where Chris runs only a fraction of a mile and had to take six breaks to catch his breath, whereas a person in decent health would take a few seconds to jog the same distance without having to stop as often as Chris did.
{{clear}}

==Hygiene==
{{quote|I shower Daily.|Chris<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21 http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu#C.W.C._Gets_A_Big_Power.21]</ref>}}
[[Image:Didyoubathe.JPG|thumb|right|180px|Did you bathe? *SPOILER* No]][[Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg‎|thumb|left|Where Chris [[Mass debating|marinates in his own filth]].]]

As quoted above, Chris claims to bathe on a daily basis. However, his propensity to lie and reports from people who have interacted with him suggest otherwise. According to [[Emily]], he reeked of "rotten watermelons"; [[Robert Simmons V]] said that he had a variant of the homeless person stank, and field agents have said "body odor masked with gallons of Axe". In fact, it might be that Chris regards [[Axe]] as a substitute for a shower.<ref>In an [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_2/Page_10 ad] Chris made for ''[[Sonichu 2|Sonichu #2]]'' [[Rosechu]] tells [[Sonichu]] that he smells good and asks him if he bathed. Sonichu replies that he used Axe instead, suggesting that Chris believes that Axe alone can be used to rid of body odor.</ref>

It would appear that Chris compounds this problem by frequently going for days without changing his clothes; perusal of his videos has shown him wearing the same shirt for several days in a row.<ref>A particularly good example is the series of videos starting with [[12 January 2010]] and ending with [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]. The videos in question were shot between 12-15 [[January 2010]], and in all of them Chris wears the same shirt.</ref> In Chris's defense, it should be noted that the clothes that he wears while filming himself are clothes meant to be worn while going outside of the house. Due to not having any of the obligations a man his age is expected to have, it is likely that he spent most of the time between shooting videos at home, possibly wearing pajamas that he may or may not have replaced regularly. It might be that Chris wears outside clothes at home only briefly during the making of videos and takes them off shortly afterwards. If this is the case, the clothes he is seen wearing for several videos in a row were actually worn for not much more than what it took to make the videos in question.

The condition of his epidermal system is so poor that it's visibly noticeable, even in his [[Chris and cinematography|low-quality videos]]. The texture of grease that is probably permanently adhered to his skin creates a disgusting sheen that reflects a significant amount of light. The same goes for his [[hair]], which is in such poor condition that when he allowed it to grow for the [[Tomgirl Pictures]], many strands were clumped together in greasy, sticky locks, looking akin to the long beard of a homeless man.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in basic hygienic activities such as bathing or showering, even if briefly. Most likely, it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games or stalking young ladies. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] would erupt all the way to 0%.

Despite his irregular (at best) use of the shower, Chris is reportedly an enthusiastic consumer of hand sanitizer. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] recalled that he would scrub his hands with germ-killing jellied alcohol after every post-card-game handshake at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and photographs of Chris at [[Fridays After Five]] suggest that he kept a bottle on hand at all times. Additionally, Mimms and Lucas said in their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|Q&A session]] that Chris didn't have any noticeable BO during his time at the GAMe PLACe, suggesting that his odor problems have become more severe in recent years.

One day in September 2014, Chris decided to give himself [[Un-clit|a piercing on his perineum]]. Many trolls were concerned that with Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|unclean habits]], it would eventually become infected. Sure enough, in December, he shared another picture of this piercing which showed that it had not only migrated (''tearing the skin'' in the process), but had become infected as well. Unfortunately, as Chris insists that he is a transwoman, he noted with pride the tear's semblance to a [[China|vagina]] and actually got it repierced. Given that Chris was completely ignoring the fact that infection can cause extreme pain--or [[Chris and death|worse]]--it is fortunate that good sense prevailed [[Chris and his Ego|for once]], and he got rid of it entirely by the end of the year.
{{clear}}

==Living conditions==
[[File:Ebay violin photo - 22 Jun 2014 - 1.jpg|thumb|Only half a year in and already an inhuman cesspool; quite the accomplishment.]]
''Main article: [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Rental House]]''

Simply put, Chris has spent several years growing acclimated to living in conditions of abject filth and uncleanliness. The photographs and videos of 14 Branchland Court that he so unwisely shared with the world ([[Destruction Of Chris's House|at least, while it was still standing]]) showcased to us his filthy bathtub, as well as what appeared to be overflowing bins that looked more like mounds of trash, a kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed plates and cutlery, and even an instance of Chris slipping on cat shit. Trolls also managed to extract from [[Rocky Shoemaker]] that the house was suffering some sort of insect infestation, which led to [[Bob]] being quarantined after being brought to hospital, and Chris being confined to his room to avoid being bitten. When Chris's last video of the house emerged in the months before the fire, it was revealed that the problem had only gotten worse since Bob's passing, with whole rooms literally rendered inaccessible, and some filled almost to the ceiling with items [[Barb]] had hoarded, and with various other rooms reduced to crevices carved into Barb's mountains of junk.

Even after his house burned down, Chris and Barb have seemingly not amended their habits as far as housekeeping goes. Photographs of the rental house have revealed a steadily growing number of [[Lego]] boxes strewn around, as well as something much more alarming; when Chris was taking photographs of his merchandise for [[eBay]], he inadvertently captured a bit of rat shit on the carpet as well. When [[Trolls|concerned customers]] pointed this out Chris [[Chris and reality|flatly denied it]], even though [[Honor roll|he had given them photographic evidence to the contrary]]. At any rate, assuming the rental house doesn't share the fate of 14 Branchland Court, one can only imagine the complaints Chris and Barb will receive when and if they finally return to sullying their own property.

==Vision==
As evidenced by his oversized, [[Pedo-Glasses|aviator-like glasses]], Chris has a vision problem. Judging by pictures of Chris in his youth, it appears that he began wearing glasses around the time he entered [[Manchester High School|high school]]. The extent of his eyesight problems is anybody's guess. His glasses are often fogged and [[dirty crapped briefs|dirty]], which will not help to correct his vision. Chris often takes them off when things are [[Stress|"getting serious"]], but keeps them on to [[Chris and English|read]]. This is evident in the video in which he [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|reads a letter from Nintendo]], and in the [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE|"FUTURE MESSAGE"]] video.

One of Chris' relatives, Dr. David Alan Chandler, happens to be an eye doctor whom Chris has seen in the past. The last time Chris was known to have seen him for an appointment was 6 January 2004.

Chris's driver's license has a restrictive condition checked, which commonly means that the driver must wear glasses in order to legally drive. Whether his vision contributed to the [[Sonchu#Car_trouble|numerous vehicular incidents]] he has been involved in has yet to be seen. However, it is a good bet that Chris should be wearing glasses while driving, for the sake of those sharing the road with him.

==Dental health==
{{Main|Fangs}}
[[Image:ChrisCavities.JPG‎|thumb|right|He's not even afraid to show the gaping cavities at the back of his mouth. Now that's [[honest content]]!]]
Chris's fondness for baring his [[fangs]] in moments of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]] has revealed substantial dental work, particularly on his back molars, which look to have had most of their surface drilled and filled to deal with cavities. It seems likely that Chris takes about as much care of his teeth as he does any other part of his body, and that he'll be needing crowns and other painful, [[Chris and money|expensive]] dental surgery some time later in his life, assuming he lives that long.

Although it is difficult to tell, in the few instances we get to see his teeth, they seem to be a strange yellow-brown color, which is likely the result of large consumption of [[My Coke Rewards|carbonated]] [[fanta|drinks]], poor dental hygiene, and his refusal to visit a professional under the influence of his massive [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]].
{{clear}}

==Mental health==

[[Chris and psychology|As noted]], Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto).

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This stubbornness, more than anything else, is what makes him so frustrating to watch—he is incapable of advancing mentally beyond the mind of a ten-year-old with some ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' magazines stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only exacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics. For over 6 years, he has been led on by various trolls pretending to be [[Sweetheart|young white women]] [[Chris and reality|who are interested in a relationship with him]], and yet he still falls for it time after time. It is Chris's refusal to listen or learn that ensures that he will continue to live in [[Naive|ignorance]], isolation and misery, and until he decides to change, it always will, irrespective of whether his trolls stay interested in him.

It was once thought possible that Chris didn't feel like his life had truly begun, that he was still in the "pre-adult" years — because he remained a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]] into his early 30's, and judging by his [[Autism|oversimplified, black-and-white view of the world]] [[The Adventures of the American Rabbit|tainted]] [[Video games|by]] [[Chris and reality|fiction]] [[Chris and television|and]] [[Chris and brand loyalty|media messages]], [[Chris and sex#Chris and gender|treatment of women]] and [[Chris and sex|stunted understanding of sexual relationships]], because he saw sex not as a biological or recreational function, or an expression of love, but rather as a rite of passage, of sorts, and he therefore believed that he wasn't able to truly be an adult until he had sex. Chris has lost his virginity, however, and as of yet, has made few to no changes that will tangibly improve his life, in fact he has been plunging himself into debt to buy toys, of all things, as well as a new car. Needless to say, no-one expects Chris and Barb to be able to afford to keep the car for long.

Since Chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence, he lacks experience with the real world. His reaction to the real world can best be seen in his reactions to trolls; instead of dealing with them in a constructive way (taking their advice) or even a neutral way (either ignoring them or getting off the internet), he will freak out, yell at things, blame his autism or the trolls themselves for his shortcomings, and maybe crush a [[sex toys|dildo]].

He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad-shouldered and tan, and that he has a full head of [[hair]] and is generally not creepy. This image comes from two things:

* His mother would always [[Barbara#Pampering_of_Chris|tell him how "handsome" he was]]. This might simply be [[Barbara]] telling her son what all mothers tell their kids.
* He has an [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|inability to remember faces]]. For example, during the [[Blanca]] incidents, trolls used pictures of two different girls to represent Blanca and he never suspected a thing; he thinks that he and [[BILLY MAYS]] would have looked the same if BILLY shaved off his beard. In [[high school]], he had to remember his own appearance by staring in the mirror, leaving his more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic8Page24.jpg ''Sonichu'' #7, page 24]</ref> The fact that the only distinguishing features of his cartoon characters are hair and eye color also point to this, although this may just be Chris being a [[Chris and art|shitty artist]].

Some people think that, far from being mentally ill, Chris is just misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction. [[White knight|However…]]

In the July 2012 [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went|arraignment]] for his and Barbara's actions at the GAMe PLACe [[28_October_2011|the previous fall]], Chris agreed to a plea bargain, avoiding felony charges and jailtime in exchange for, among other things, "mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation," which meant that Chris was forced to undergo legitimate psychiatric treatment (as opposed to simply seeing [[Rocky_Shoemaker|an un-certified pastoral "counsellor"]]), or risk being imprisoned. Given that most, if not all of the problems described above persist in some form or another to this day, it seems that Chris reacted to psychiatric treatment in much the same way he reacted to [[Manchester High School|the education system]], as it seems that, whatever his psychiatrist said, he took none of it in, probably taking out his [[Ego|anger at being forced to obey the law]] on the psychiatrist by simply refusing to co-operate.

Another mental factor that has affected Chris's overall health is [[stress]]. In August 2013, Chris indicated that the stress he's endured has begun to affect his health, citing a symptom of high blood pressure. It's not unlikely, especially if you take into account Chris's other problems above.

==Sexual health==
Bent at a horrifying 45° angle, Chris's [[duck]] is a thing of almost unholy terror. While there has been much speculation as to the cause of this (possibly [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peyronie%27s_disease Peyronie's disease]), it is ultimately a mystery that will probably never be solved. While correctable, the process is expensive and Chris has other, [[Video games|more]] [[Toys|important]] [[Sex toys|things]] on which to spend his (or rather, [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayers']]) money.

In correspondence with [[Jackie]], Chris revealed he was checked for STDs in early [[2010]].<ref>[[Jackie e-mails]]</ref> He didn't have any for [[Virgin with Rage|obvious reasons]].

Of course, with the possible revelation that he slept with a hooker in [[April 2012]], he may have to check himself once again.

==Other deformities==
[[Image:Eye.jpg|thumb|"My left eye is blue, and my right eye is brown-my right is green."<ref>[[CWC Update 13 August 2009]]</ref>]]
Chris also has mild [[heterochromia]], which he claims is the result of pinkeye medicine that he took in high school. However, in a photo of a young Chris, his right eye is green.<ref>[[:Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg]]</ref> He probably tells this story so people think he's [[Autism|special]].

His voice is also a very [[speech Impediment|severe deformity]], ranging in pitch from normal to the sound of a three-year old girl on helium all the way to [[Wikipedia:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]. It has been medically proven that one of the effects of [[Asperger's syndrome]] is a lack of variation in speech such as tone, pitch and accent. It can also work backwards, which could explain Chris's far from normal voice: autistics often have difficulty distinguishing voice tone. In his [[Song of Christian]] video, his voice sounds almost entirely normal, except for the occasional times where he recalls [[Wikipedia:List_of_Conker_characters#Conker_the_Squirrel|Conker]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Conker's Bad Fur Day|Conker's Bad Fur Day]]''. However, this voice deformity most likely comes from the fact he has little to no human interaction; such isolation has been proven to change a person's perception of pitch, especially if they're autistic. With enough isolation, this will most likely become permanent.

[[/cwc/|Some]] have pointed out that Chris has an unusually wide [[wikipedia:Nasal septum|septum]], as seen in his [[MySpace]] picture.<ref>[[:File:Myspace.jpg]]</ref> Others go as far as to say he lacks one altogether. The cause of this, like his bent [[duck]], is as yet unknown.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Obesity]]

== Sources ==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

That Goatee WILL Grow Back

2015-03-30T04:15:48Z

Ultimate Paragon:

'''That Goatee WILL Grow Back''' (officially '''Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back''') is a video from 31 [[July 2009]], in which [[Chris]] tries to go back to his old self to address concerns that he's an [[Ian Brandon Anderson|impostor]] based on the fact he doesn't wear his [[medallion]] or striped shirts, and has a goatee.

In it, Chris fails at shaving while Lift Up Your Eyes by [[Wikipedia:Planetshakers|Planetshakers]] plays in the background for emotional effect. Because, you know, it's definitely not creepy to violently shave yourself to Christian pop-rock. If Chris was smart and taught how to shave properly, he would have used shaving cream (or at least some olive oil), soap, a mirror, and water, but because he's Chris he will have to put up with razor burn for the next two weeks.

As of early [[2011]], the goatee did not grow back.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler - It Took Me Weeks to Perfect that Goatee, but it WILL Grow Back
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VdZXqEwaXkc}}
| stardate = 31 [[July 2009]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
| next = [[SingStar Challenge|SingStar Challenge Announcement]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[''CWC removes his glasses and speaks inaudibly to the camera as "Lift Up Your Eyes" by Planetshakers plays over him. He puts his glasses down, removes his waistcoat and takes off a medallion inscribed with the phrase "THE TIME OF MY LIFE", which he shows to the camera and then discards. Using a safety razor (but no cream), he begins taking vertical and horizontal swipes across his chin with alarming force. The head comes loose from the handle and falls to the ground. He picks it back up, reattaches it and resumes. After a few more strokes, he does this again. After further scraping, he seems to put this razor down and pick up a new one. The head falls off yet again and he reattaches it and continues. After more shaving, he stops to check for unshaven areas; he then resumes, checks, resumes, checks, finds it to his satisfaction and the video ends''.]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]|nextlink=[[SingStar Challenge|SingStar Challenge Announcement]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-31]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-07-31]]

McDonald's

2015-03-30T04:09:29Z

Ultimate Paragon:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.|[[Mumble 8|Chris on his frequency of McDonald's visits]]}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|A typical visit to McDonald's in [[CWCville]].]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s [[List of restaurants|restaurant]] of choice. His ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here.<ref>[[Blanca Emails, September 2008#Future dates with Blanca]]</ref> His favorite items are the eight-piece [[Wikipedia:Chicken McNuggets|Chicken McNuggets]]<ref>[[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2_2]]</ref><ref>[[CWC%27s_Diary#March_2]]</ref> and the $1 sweet tea,<ref>[[Mailbag 28]]</ref> though [[Jackie E-mails 2|lately]] he has claimed to get salads more often when attempting to get in the good graces of [[gal-pal|female friends]].

Additionally, Chris's preference for McDonald's was symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who preferred [[Burger King]].<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut#DayOut3|DayOut]]</ref>

Chris met the real-life [[B-Manajerk]] and his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic|Merried Seinor Comic]], in a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] McDonald's in June of [[2005]], an event which would later be dramatized in [[Sonichu 3]].

==Health issues==
It is probable that Chris's [[PS3|inactive lifestyle]] and frequent patronage of McDonald's is the cause of his [[obesity]]. The number of times Chris claims to eat there, two or three times a week,<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> is equivalent to going an average of 130 times a year. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a lie told to impress Mr. Devoria—once a week would still be more than enough to cause health issues. At this rate, Chris may develop [[Chris and health|serious medical problems]]—heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes are known to result from continued consumption of fast food.<ref>[http://www.livestrong.com/article/351296-health-effects-and-diseases-caused-by-eating-fast-food/]</ref>

The trouble is that Chris [[Chris and reality|doesn't seem to realize]] just how bad fast food actually is. He barely understood that fast food was bad for one's health until roughly the [[Liquid Saga]], when at [[Kacey]]'s behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. This mostly involved eating salads at McDonald's instead of his usual eight-piece box of chicken nuggets.

In a [[Kacey Call 6|display of nutritional ignorance]], he claimed that having grilled chicken with his garbage food was better than having breaded chicken. This is a common misconception—though grilled contains less fat than breaded, it still comes from a fast food chain and only seems healthy by comparison to everything else McDonald's serves. The "side salad" that he [[Kacey Call 12|occasionally mentions]] eating is one of the more inoffensive items on the McDonald's menu, and grilled chicken salads are also not as unhealthy as most of their products. However, these salads are frequently drowned by fat people in cheese and high-calorie dressing. Chris [[Kacey Call 6|claimed]] once (in effort to impress a girl, natch) that he refrains from using dressing, but given that he seems to have a dislike for foods without copious amounts of fat, salt, or sugar, this is almost certainly untrue.

Also, the sugar content of a small McDonald's sweet tea is 36 grams.<ref>[http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/food/product_nutrition.beverages.33.Sweet-Tea-Small.html]</ref> The recommended daily intake of sugar for an adult is about 40 grams.<ref>[http://www.dailysugarintake.net/how-much-sugar-per-day.html]</ref>

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]][[File:RonaldMcDonaldJoker.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The CWCee Dees mascot.]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|#4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|#5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]."
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's") appears in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.

==McDonald's Monopoly==
In [[2009]], McDonald's held a [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''Monopoly'']] promotion. Chris claimed to not care about it in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video]], only to create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods, which may seem [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Campaign|familiar]] to seasoned CWC watchers.

===Account I (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account II (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account III (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account IV (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. B. & O. Railroad
*4. Pennsylvania Railroad

==McCosplay==
[[File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|thumb|Chris as the Hamburglar, [[Chris and cosplaying|apparently.]]]]
[[File:Grimace.jpg|thumb|At least it hides his [[Muscle bra|tits]].]]
In the beginning of [[October 2010]], Chris apparently remembered [[Jackie]] telling him that she liked his [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplay]] videos. Following a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|controversial cosplay video]] over two weeks before, Chris decided to continue his act with McDonald's characters.

His first McDonaldland act was [[100 2265|the Hamburglar]], where he [[CWCFlyingElephants|ran around his room acting batshit crazy]], wearing a BDSM costume that looked far more like an obese [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]] than the Hamburglar.

The next day, Chris attempted to cosplay [[100 2266|Grimace]]. [[Chris and art|Needless to say]], the Grimace costume he made was beyond recognition. Whilst wearing the costume, he delivered a speech about [[autism]] and bullying before breaking out into song. It is likely that Chris got this idea from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' in which [[Wikipedia:Lois Griffin|Lois]] dresses up as [[Wikipedia:The Grimace|The Grimace]] - Peter responds with a comment that Grimace is retarded.

{{Lists}}
{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]

Hair

2015-03-30T04:08:39Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Hair loss */

[[File:ADlEp.jpg|thumb|400px|center|Chris's hair in all its glory.]]
[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

==Condition==
[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a tomgirl.]]
Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, [[Barb]] served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his [[clown shirt]] and his social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. Even when he does take a shower, the effects on his hair's appearance are negligible, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|video demonstration]]. Nor has switching shampoos helped. In his early twenties Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Love Quest, he shifted to "[[AXE]] brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a [[tomgirl]], he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." Nothing seems to have worked, as the photographic record clearly indicates. First-hand observer [[Catherine]] thought it "looked like straw."

Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygiene habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh... I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}
[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman]]
For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began in 2011, Chris has taken to bleaching his hair and growing it long. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early Life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dying his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple years it remained at approximately this length.
[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Flirt1.jpeg|thumb|In 2014.]]
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomgirl/lesbian identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He had to wear a wig for a while. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>

{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}

Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband. Even before becoming a [[tomgirl]], he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival in 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.

==Hair loss==
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was bald too. Ominously, [[Chris and health|inactivity]], [[Obesity|poor]] [[McDonald's|diet]], illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.

Chris seems to be completely in denial about his hair loss, making no discernible efforts to retard it. When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge," he declared.

==Body hair==
[[File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|thumb|Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.]]
Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to his hatred of [[JERKS|men]] and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs." A strange [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his [[autism|autistic]] way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early [[nudes]] of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.]]

It is telling that part of his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|costume]] meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved it off]] for the camera within two weeks.

After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. [[Chris and brand loyalty|I would not recommend the product.]] And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my [[manboobs|nipples]]. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few [[dreams]]. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth.|Chris to Jackie|}}

He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.

Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013 and 2014 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like [[Britney Spears]].

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Trolls|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair and placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a [[Sonichu]] drawing, but the [[Spanish]] side had [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].

==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Cleveland Show Voice Rant

2015-03-30T04:05:52Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* Transcript */

'''Cleveland Show Voice Rant''' (officially "'''Nia Long IS Roberta; NOT that [[Chris|High-Pitchey, Whiney, Bratty]] Regan Gomez.MOV'''") is a video uploaded on to [[YouTube]] on 22 [[March 2010]], just after Chris [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|proclaimed his intentions to leave the internet a second time]]. Despite the controversial period in which this video was uploaded, all Chris does is use the Internet for profoundly unimportant shit in spite of [[Chris and hypocrisy#"Nobody Needs the Internet!" - Leaving the Internet Forever|promising not to]] less than 36 hours prior.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Nia Long IS Roberta; NOT that High-Pitchey, Whiney, Bratty Regan Gomez.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UeNWZ8oPlqc}}
| stardate = 22 [[March 2010]]
| subject = {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertRedGreenShirt|text}}
| previous = [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]
| next = [[F Abstinance]]
}}

{{quote|Her voice is just too high pitched...}}

=== Transcript ===
Okay, this is just a [[CWC Blog|blog]] video with a few thoughts of the day on this, the uh- um, let's see... [''Chris steps off camera, seemingly checking the date, and returns''] the twenty second day of March. [''[[Stress sigh|Sighs]]''] Anyway, it's just been a bad day for me, y'know, I'm still suffering de- lingering heartaches for what [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|happened recently]].

Mmm... and, uh, also you know another thought, you know... [''[[Pedo-glasses#Dramatic glasses removal|Glasses removal]]''] I just feel, I just feel like, I just feel like sharing, you know, on ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'', you know, I liked [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] a lot better as the voice of Roberta Tubbs. I don't give- I don't give a damn about this Reagan what- [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] what's-her-name. [[Chris and music#Singing|Her voice]] is just [[Chris and health#Other_deformities|too high pitched]] and just does not fit the character as best as Nia Long did. Seth and be- Seth and Mike Henry would uh... Seth MacFarlane and Mike Henry would do themselves a big favor by putting Nia Long back as the voice of Roberta. [''Long pause; [[stress sigh|sigh]]; [[Creepy stare|Chris looks around awkwardly]]''] Anyways, just food for thought for today. [''Puts glasses back on''] So I'll leave y'all with that.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV]]|nextlink=[[F Abstinance]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, March 2010| 2010-03-22]]

Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)

2015-03-23T16:53:24Z

Ultimate Paragon: /* See also */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Comic CWC.PNG|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| 24 February [[Sonichu chronology#1982|1982]] (IRL)
24 March 2005 (in universe)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Species'''
| Human (can transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]])
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Mayor of CWCville
|-
| '''Evolves into'''
| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
|-
|}

[[Image:Chris0.jpg|thumb|<s>Chris's most accurate self portrait</s> [[Sammy|Try this.]]]]
[[Image:CWCFlex.jpg|thumb|Definitely not this one.]]
[[Image:Cwcanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the character.]]
'''Christian Weston Chandler''' is a character in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Within the comic universe, [[Chris]] has not opted to portray himself as a [[Obesity|fat]] [[autism|autistic]] slob who refuses to work; rather he is the beloved mayor of [[CWCville]], "father" of hero [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and a deific character beloved by all.

Despite the sub-episodes in which he appears ostensibly concerning the real Chris, he can't seem to keep from invoking superpowers and fictitious plot contrivances.

In December 2014, it was revealed that, just like his real-life counterpart, Comic Chris has become a [[Tomgirl]].

==In the comic==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|left|A typical comic depiction of Chris - a tall, broad shouldered, handsome young man. Compare to the real hunched, fatty, double-chinned Chris.]]
[[Image:CWC collage.jpg|thumb|left|Chris is a master of consistency.]]
Chris depicts himself as Mayor of his fictional town, [[CWCville]]. Unlike real life, comic-Chris is popular, good-looking ([[Chris and art|notionally speaking]]), and surrounded by adoring women (whose real-life counterparts are generally [[trolls]], [[Gal pal|gal-pals]] who [[Megan Schroeder|hate him]], or fictional creations like [[Allison Amber]]). He also has the ability to change himself into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and use any and all of the powers of the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] at will, thus rendering Sonichu and company completely superfluous.

Any characteristics comic-Chris possess stem from Chris's attempt to portray himself as the lovable loser type of character, known from any generic romantic comedy. He is portrayed as noble, brave, intelligent, and surrounded by cartoon characters who fawn over him. However, so as not to appear to be a COMPLETE Mary Sue, comic-Chris also has trouble with [[Love Quest|finding a girlfriend]], is shown to have a limited ability to fight off his [[Manajerks|enemies]], and is regularly in need of help from his supportive friends in order to overcome his problems. In the comic, real-life relics like his [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] are not mere paraphernalia - they're magical objects which can make his [[China|dreams come true]].

He is of course Mayor of CWCville, complete with [[Allison Amber|doting secretary]] on whom he dumps all his [[Semen|dirty work]], which she takes with a smile. However, his actual role relative to the citizens of his city is closer to god-king than mayor; his office is permanent and indisputable, and every character reveres him as their creator and supreme being, and is unswervingly loyal to him for no reason. If it weren't totally obvious, Chris's comic persona is a pure wish-fulfilment Mary Sue.

===Atrocities===

Predictably, Chris's creation of a world in which he is god results in even more insane behavior than is exhibited his real-life counterpart, primarily due to him (and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|superpowered goons]]) possessing the power to actually carry out his [[Death threats|threats]] in a controlled environment where he can (attempt to) portray himself as morally superior.

In only 11 issues (including 4 specials), he permanently crippled [[Liquid Chris|someone]] [[Megatron Pistol|by]] [[Sonichu Special 4|shooting]] him in the legs after he'd surrendered, [[Sonichu #0|completely destroyed the life]] of a [[Jerkhief|man]] who was simply doing his job and then callously mocking him by saying that [[Chris and his Ego|''he'd'']] suffered worse, sealed up and destroyed a populated building whilst ensuring no living thing escaped and later trying to blame it on the building's lackluster security, broke into [[Mary Lee Walsh|an old woman]]'s home and brutally attacked her to the extent of causing paralysis, directly ordered the murder of over one thousand five hundred people in the self-perpetrated destruction of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, carried out a Holocaust on [[Homos|homosexual]]s and asexuals, and arranged a [[Sonichu #10|show trial]] for [[Asperpedia Four|four men]] in an openly biased court, before personally executing them in brutal and inhumane ways, forcing [[Kel|chil]][[Sandy Rosechu|dren]] to commit first-degree murder in the process, for the crime of making a [[Asperchu|parody webcomic]].

It should be noted that Chris's avatar undertakes all of these activities with self-righteous euphoria, and offers no justification, nor does he display any remorse.

===[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===

Right from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] Chris is depicted on the front cover commanding Sonichu to "Zap to the extreme!", and within the comic itself, congratulating Sonichu for his victory. At this point, Chris drawing himself only semi-realistically, but he is still a minor character. ''Sonichu'' #0 is one of the rare issues that is actually based primarily around the idea of Sonichu as the protagonist.

===[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]===

''Sonichu'' #1 is Chris's lowest-key outing to date, merely depicting himself commenting on the actions of the characters, and, bizarrely, his own [[Chris and art|drawing ability]].

===[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]===

Having again drawn himself on the cover, by ''Sonichu'' #2 Chris has turned himself into a fully-fledged main character. Chris depicts himself as the messiah of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] foretold by his [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|ancestors]]. It is in this issue that he first gains his ability to turn into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], an event which will dominate the rest of the series to the point of [[Sonichu]]'s redundancy.

===[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]===

After featuring heavily in the previous comic, Chris takes a back seat to the [[Chaotic Combo]]. Sadly, he still can't resist adding his head onto the first page.

===[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]===

The legendary comic made entirely up of sub-episodes about Chris's life. Things get a little confusing because not only are the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] depicted as existing in Real Chris's universe, but he also has super-powers with which to battle the [[jerkop]]s. Again, Chris is depicting himself with selfless friends and powers he wished he actually had, but doesn't. And all the powers and Pokémon in the world still don't stop him getting beaten by the Jerkops or being trolled by [[Hanna]]. This comic also marks the introduction of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imagined sister, [[Chris and Sex#Incest|on whose beauty he remarks numerous times]].

===[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]===
[[Image:Chris5.jpg|thumb|150px|Manga Chris. So kawaii~.]]

Real Chris, distraught at discovering [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - a long-standing love interest of his - is getting married, depicts himself as a noble gentleman who only wants what's best for her. Of course, in reality, Sarah couldn't have cared less what Chris thought of the wedding, [[Chris and his Ego|but Chris felt that showing his acceptance was vitally important]]. An interpretation could be made that Chris is battling the two versions of himself - the side who wants Sarah all to himself (Real Chris, played by [[Wes Iseli]]) and the side who wants Sarah to be happy (Comic Chris). It probably helped that by this point Chris had transferred his feelings for Sarah over to [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], who makes her début appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]], allowing him to make the noble choice a lot easier than it would have otherwise been.

This comic also introduces the pseudo-manga art style (thanks a lot, Megan) that would come to characterize later comics.

By the next episode, things starts to get confusing. Yes, Chris is Mayor of [[CWCville]] and can order around public servants, but he still can't find a [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend]]. Despite this, he continues to depict himself as a noble warrior of [[China|love]], protecting all of [[Virginia]] from [[Mary Lee Walsh|those who would to take it away]].

===[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]===

''Sonichu'' #6 is the first issue to go into detail about how Comic Chris manages to run a city while sitting around getting [[Hanna|trolled]]. Opening with Real Chris discovering that his beloved dog [[Patti Chandler]] can talk, the action soon switches to Comic Chris as they enter CWCville. Chris introduces [[Patti-Chan]] to [[Allison Amber]], a Hollywood starlet who inexplicably gave up her promising career to run CWCville while Chris was sitting in his [[Attraction Location|attraction locations]]. This character is indicative of how Chris portrays himself as so charismatic that young women drop everything to do his bidding. He is the "Big Cheese". Either way, fictional Allison Amber has a boyfriend, so Chris loses out in his own comic yet again.

Comic Chris spends the rest of the comic bemoaning his loneliness, and making bizarre and scarcely-comprehensible "hints" that [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] is his true [[sweetheart]]. Even in comic form, Megan wants none of this.

===[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]===
[[Image:Chris7.jpg|thumb|Chris as depicted in [[Issue 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].]]
[[Image:Chrisandsammy.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Sammy]] together.]]
[[Image:Set1pic2.jpg|thumb|Comic Chris as of 2014.]]

The megalomania begins on the cover, which is decorated with tiny pictures of the important moments of Chris's life, such as the time he held a basketball or tricked Megan into being photographed with him.

The comic itself revolves around Comic Chris and Megan, who is depicted as struggling with her feelings for Chris (in reality, at this point, she hated him). The comic at this point was being used as a tool to attract Megan, so much of the extraneous action is centered on the dating life of the [[Sonichu (species)|sonichus]] as a (barely) veiled hint as to what direction their friendship should take. The courting of Megan is also why it's the most manga-esque issue to date, which in turn results in Chris's self-depictions being hugely inconsistent in style.

This issue is also notorious for its introduction of [[Sammy]]. Intended to be a bumbling, Peter Griffin-type counterpart to Comic Chris, Sammy is extremely stupid, [[Obesity|massively overweight]] and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shits his pants]], which results in a far greater resemblance to the real Chris than Comic Chris has ever had.

Halfway through making this comic Chris was being trolled relentlessly, so he responded by trapping himself in the [[Time Void]], and thus removing himself from the direct action in the comic.

===[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]===
Unable to keep himself completely out of the action, Chris somehow emerges temporarily from the time void on the 10th floor in the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in order to physically assault an employee who is working on a caricature of the [[The Oversized Drinking Straw|over-sized drinking straw]] picture, while [[Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu]] cheer him on in unison. Chris disappears immediately afterward.

===[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]===
Even though Chris remains trapped in the Time Void, he can't resist including himself substantially in this issue. The first time he shows up is during [[Ivy]]'s "vision" portraying her being with Chris as told by [[GodJesus|God and Jesus]]. The second time is at the end of the comic. In the scene, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Wild Sonichu]] discover the [[Time Void]] and end up pulling Chris out of it. Fifteen minutes later, Chris, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], unveils some sort of plan (which isn't elaborated) and he races off. On the final page, Chris declares that he, and anyone he created out of his sweetheart search misadventures, will never show up in the pages of his comic again... though the last page presumes that it'll continue in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''.

===[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]===
Despite the announcement at the end of the previous issue, Chris's character returns and immediately places himself in the middle of the spotlight. During the time this issue was being drawn, Chris was boiling with [[Chris and anger|rage]] and [[Death threats|crying for the blood]] of [[Jack Thaddeus]], [[Clyde Cash]], [[Evan|and]] [[Asperpedia|every]] [[Alec Benson Leary|other]] [[troll]] and for the [[Christian Love Day|"straightening out"]] of [[homosexual]] [[JERK|males]] due to all the gay ads in his [[CWCipedia]]. As such, whatever small narrative restraints Comic Chris had possessed have been extinguished, and the character acts purely as a mouthpiece (and avenging fist) for his creator.

At the beginning of the comic Chris discusses the future, wherein he is to be married to a woman named [[Lovely Weather]] and, since he slept with her, he is no longer a virgin. Apparently, homosexuality is such a big problem in the future that Chris was also asked by future scientists to donate some of his "straight" blood so they could use it for a vaccine. Chris, however, hoping to employ it on the homos in the present, sends Magi-Chan back to the future to steal a crate of the vaccine.

Chris moves on to fight some devil trolls who had infested his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|old website]], and then he attacks and destroys 4-cent_garbage.com leaving a hundred people dead in the process, including Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, who are forced to commit suicide.

Chris is then attacked by [[Naitsirhc]], but Chris eventually gets the upper hand and tries out the gay vaccine on him. After Naitsirhc turns back into his old incarnation, Chris declares the vaccine a success, and gives the order to pollute all the drinking water in the world with it, effectually eradicating homosexuality and asexuality (since Chris for some reason does not like that either).

[[Meg Griffin]] of all people suddenly turns up and claims to be fan of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], much to Chris's pleasure. After beating up some random guy who called Meg "sir" and Chris "madam", he cheats on Lovely Weather by making out with her, after her confirming that she is consensual. Unbeknownst to Chris, Meg is really [[Silvana Rosechu]] in disguise, and Chris has therefore been trolled.

Once again Chris takes the time to apologize without really apologizing, this time with a babbling insincere speech to the homosexuals who might have been offended by the fact that he just committed something comparative to genocide against them. With that out of the way, Chris takes out the [[Sonichu Balls]] and transforms into [[Collosal Chan]], and together with Sonichu, now transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]], sets out to "right some wrongs". Aside from the minor detail of getting [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] out of the mirror, [[Collosal Chan|Hobo Chan's]] main priority is getting rid of [[Asperchu]], which he does by breaking into Asperchu/Alec Benson Leary's house, fingerbanging his "[[Xbox|HEXBox Pavilion]]" to the breaking point and turning Asperchu and the rest of the comic cast into "improved" versions of themselves.

After this, Hobo-Chan fights [[Mary Lee Walsh]], leaving her completely paralyzed and sentenced to a lifetime in CWCville's maximum-security prison (killing her is out of the question after the [[Liquid Chris]] furore). After that, Chris reverts to his human form and gives a speech. Meanwhile, Simonla Rosechu is murdered, and the Asperpedia Four are arrested for the crime. And at the same times as Chris starts giving out blessings and apologies to the Asperpedia Four, they are subjected to a show trial for their crime against him and CWCville, and are then brutally executed by the Sonichus, with Chris partaking in Alec's execution by electrocution, and personally carrying out Mao's execution by ''tearing him apart'' with his psychic powers.

The huge issue finally concludes with Chris urging everyone to celebrate his masturbatory holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and leap and dance and sing praise in His name, for great is His wisdom and His benevolence.

===[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]===
Chris has yet to appear in the unfinished ''Sonichu'' #11, although since it is set at [[Christmas]] his actions will probably pertain to the Yuletide in some way.

===Present Day===
Despite no longer producing the comics proper, Chris made sure to update his in-comic incarnation to reflect his [[Tomgirl|professed sexual orientation]]. He draws himself as a complete female, with a feminine shape (relative to the featureless rectangles he generally uses for bodies, that is) and breasts. His [[hair]], greasy, thin and receding in real life, is full and feminine. As is customary, his [[heterochromia]] is hugely exaggerated and he is intended to look attractive.

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Chris_fan_art|linkname=Christian Weston Chandler}}
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Obesity]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler]] – Chris IRL
*[[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] – his [[Patti-Chan|furry]] side
*[[Collosal Chan]] - the personification of his God complex
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] – his [[Silvana|feminine]] side
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] – his [[homos|homo]] side
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] – his [[Niggos|racist]] side
*[[Sammy]] – his much more [[Honest Content|honest]] self-portrait
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]

Anchuent Prophecy

2015-03-23T16:52:05Z

Ultimate Paragon:

[[File:Anch.PNG|thumb|200px|Sonichu, Chris and the cavekeeper are shocked by the Prophecy's idiocy.]]
The '''Anchuent Prophecy''' (pronounced [ˈeɪnʃuɛnt], "AIN-shoo-ent"<ref>[[Sonichu 3 Official Videobook]]</ref>) of the [[Cherokian Clan]] is one of the central plot points of the entire ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' series, often being used to explain many fantastical developments in the story. Primarily, the prophecy explains why Christian Chandler and every other human being in the comic can transform into furries. While the prophecy originally concerned [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]], [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah]], and [[Wes Iseli|Wes]]'s relationship, as the series progressed all non-Chris details were essentially ignored or forgotten. The prophecy is also important because it renders [[Sonichu]] (the supposed main character of the comic) even more pointless, firmly establishing him as simply the "electric creature", whose only purpose is to help Chris unlock superpowers for himself. Well, ''more'' superpowers, as he was already capable of using [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Satanic Voodoo Powers]].

Long thought to be a retarded typo, its consistency has eventually led to the realization that it's probably supposed to be a magnificently retarded "[[Pikachu]]" pun. Why or how the Cherokee would make a pun on the English word "ancient" and the Japanese word "chu" (onomatopoeia for "squeak") is unclear.
==The prophecy==
===Original prophecy: Christian, Wes and Sarah, the destined trio===
[[File:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes-Li Sonichu and Saramah Rosechu, the three [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|electric creatures]] of the prophecy.]]

The prophecy was brought to light when [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] happened upon the Destiny Cave, prompting the old man dwelling there to remark that Sonichu was "the creature of the prophecy." Learning that it was his destiny to enter the cave and learn of the prophecy, Chris accompanied Sonichu back to the cave, where he learned that Sonichu had inadvertently set off events releasing [[Count Graduon]], an evil spirit locked away for centuries by the Cherokee and Wasabi clans.

The prophecy, according to the keeper of the Destiny Cave, is as follows:

{{quote|It was prophecized by the ancient masters that [[Christian Weston Chandler|the reincarnation]] of [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|our leader]] will [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|take pen in hand]] to combine a [[Pikachu|mouse]] and a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]], and give birth to [[Sonichu (character)|a new electric creature]]! Then the leader will place his hand-made [[medallion]] on the pedestal, and [[comeuppance|release]] the powers that were [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|his]]! As well as his [[Saramah Rosechu|lady's]] and [[Wes-Li Sonichu|rival's]] powers. The powers will transform you all into the electric creatures, with variable powers of good, bad, and peace! Also, [[Count Graduon|an evil]] will strike the day the original electrical creature finds the cave; only the released powers can defeat the evil!}}

Yes, that's right: the act of Chris and Sonichu showing up at the cave to hear about the prophecy in the first place is what allows the evil to escape. If they had just sealed up the damn cave there wouldn't have been any problem, but that would also mean Chris wouldn't gain the ability to turn into a furry.

Recognizing that the ancient evil could only be defeated by powers at his command, Chris fulfilled his part of the prophecy by placing his Sonichu medallion on the pedestal, allowing the old man to say the incantation that would activate the medallion as well as the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets. These three totems would now give their rightful bearers the power to become electric hedgehogs like Sonichu. The reincarnation of the Cherokian king, Christian, could now become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. The reincarnation of his queen, Sarah Hammer, received the Lightning Bracelets and became [[Saramah Rosechu]]. The leader of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who had been Cherokian leader's romantic rival, was now Chris's rival [[Wes Iseli]], and so he accepted the Fireshock Pendant and became [[Wes-Li Sonichu]].

Initially the three prophecized electric creatures were unaware of one another's human identities, until Wes-Li attacked Chris-Chan out of spite for issues both in the present day (their mutual interest in Sarah Hammer's affections) and the ancient past (the ownership of the Cherokian crown). The prophecy would go on to accurately describe how Saramah would have to bring peace to Wes-Li and Chris-Chan so that they could present a united front against Graduon.

It should be noted that they never actually did stop Graduon at all. The three of them teamed up temporarily to defeat a stone golem under Graduon's command, whilst Graduon himself left with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to start running the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]. Sarah ran off with William Spicer and got married,<ref>[[Sonichu 5#Episode 12: Christian Chandler in "My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding"]]</ref> while Wes actually ended up joining Graduon's evil organization,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37 - Wes is seen sitting at the table</ref> though why he does is never explained. In spite of the prophecy, Chris is left alone to fight Graduon and an army of [[Jerkops|his followers]], essentially making the other two completely useless and the prophecy a failure.

===Extended prophecy: Crystal the dream sibling===
[[File:Crystalina Rosechu.jpg|thumb|100px|left|Crystalina Rosechu, the fourth electric creature of the prophecy.]]

When Chris was ambushed by the [[W-M-Manajerk]] at [[McDonalds|M-C-D-Ville]] in the region of [[Mal-Wart]], he received another vision of his Cherokian ancestor advising him to combine the powers of Chris-Chan Sonichu with the [[Heart Torch]] he constructed from [[Pixelblocks]]. In this way Chris would be able to summon his dream sibling, who could assist him in the battle. Following his ancestor's instructions, Chris used Heart-Torch Glow to manifest his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] and the Rosechu medallion she could use to become [[Crystalina Rosechu]]. Joining forces as [[Chris-Chan Pure]], they defeated the W-M-Manajerk and made the city safe again.
{{-}}
===Fine print of the prophecy: Reldnahc, the ultimate dark being===
[[File:083-ReldnahcHeTaque.jpg|thumb|120px|Reldnahc Ha-Taque, the ''fifth'' electric creature of the prophecy.]]

{{quote|When the original medal is submerged in darkness, the dark medal will appear, and he who's name is reverse, will transform into the ultimate dark being.}}

This additional detail in the prophecy which was [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in later went unnoticed by Christian, much to his dismay when he learned that his mishap in Graduon's [[Dark Mirror Hole]] allowed Naitsirhc Giovanni to transform into [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], one of his deadliest enemies. Once again this is an example of the prophecy fucking over more people than it helped, since if Reldnahc really was the "ultimate dark being", then that logically makes him an even bigger threat than Graduon, who the prophecy was made to defeat. Also note that the prophecy does not actually guarantee that Reldnahc would be defeated at all, even though he eventually was in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']]. It's only thanks to [[Colossal Chan|narrative magic]] that Chris ever actually managed to defeat all the numerous enemies that the prophecy actually ''created'', that wouldn't have terrorized the world in the first place if he had just left well enough alone.

Also, the original prophecy was spoken aloud to Chris by the keeper of the Destiny Cave. How there could be "fine print" at all when it was spoken and not written on paper is never explained. The only sensible conclusion is that the keeper either mumbled that part under his breath or [[Trolling|just decided to not tell Chris that part at all]]. How Reldnahc actually knows about that detail or the prophecy either is also a complete mystery.

{{-}}

===Completely unexplained part of the prophecy: Some brown guy===
[[File:Furryiba.jpg|thumb|left|IBAChandler, the...No. You know what? Fuck it.]]

Then this guy showed up. This is IBAChandler. He's a [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] character based on [[Liquid Chris]] who appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. He works for the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] and fought in the Battle of [[CWCville]]. He showed up in Electric Hedgehog form for about two pages and was curb stomped by [[Sonichu]] in a matter of minutes. When he was defeated, he then suddenly transformed into a human, much like Chris or the other transforming Sonichus do upon being defeated. Then, just as Sonichu calls in an ambulance to have him taken to hospital, he is grabbed by the tentacles of a gang of [[Devil Trolls]] and carried off to safety. Apparently Devil Trolls are tiny goblin like demonic entities, some of which can fly. The paramedics speculate that he was in alliance with them. So, who is this guy? Why does he have such powers? Why is he working for PVCC? Why is he allied with Devil Trolls? What's his story? What's his motive? How does he factor into the prophecy? Is he human? Is he [[Beel|the devil]]? Why does he [[Chris and his Ego|care about stealing Chris's identity]]? Why did he try to fight Sonichu? These are all things that are [[Chris and writing|never explained]]. Are you surprised?
{{-}}
== References ==
<references/>
==See also:==
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Queen of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Wasabi Rival]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Wasabi Clan]]
*[[Cherokian Crown]]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]
*[[Saramah Rosechu]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Plot Devices]]