Chris's birthday

2012-06-24T16:18:20Z

UncleBastard: /* 30th */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg Pro200] handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in Sonichu 6, and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]—Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PS Vita]] and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] reveal that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

June 2012

2012-06-24T16:16:28Z

UncleBastard: /* Events */

'''June [[2012]]''' started off with Chris' return to [[Facebook]], though it was far from triumphant as Chris confirms that, [[Naive|once again,]] he was duped by the trolls, deflating his ''([[Facebook#to_.40cogsdev_from_me.2C_.40CWCSonichu|borderline]] [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|insane]])'' [[Ego|ego trip]] that started in April. Amazingly, Chris actually upheld his promise to collect donations for cancer via [[Alex's Lemonade Stand]], though it's unknown if he'll actually send the money or keep it like the greedy little grubber that he is.

==Events==
*4 June - Chris posts in Facebook, claiming that there was no poster campaign in [[Charlottesville]].
*8-10 June - Chris pledged to sell lemonade and collect money for kids with cancer on these dates, as part of [[Alex's Lemonade Stand]].
*12 June - Chris change his [[voicemail greeting]].
*23 June - Chris posts another Facebook status, declaring his fragile emotional state and (yet again) blaming trolls for it.

{{Timeline}}

Chris's birthday

2012-02-26T04:28:41Z

UncleBastard: /* 30th */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris receives a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg Pro200] handheld game console, and is photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also draws "[[Bionic]] Over Autism.", which would later be included in Sonichu 6, and creates Espanolic, which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children — composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] — Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===

[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent Sony fanboy that he is, Chris buys himself a PS Vita and a Copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing game)

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Wendy's

2011-09-07T10:33:26Z

UncleBastard: Added newer image of RVille Wendy's from 2011.

[[Image:Wendy's logo.png|120px|center]]
[[File:Wendys Chris 2011.jpg|thumb|250px|The branch of Wendy's at which Chris worked.]]

'''Wendy's''' is an [[America]]n [[Obesity|fast food]] chain that employed Chris briefly until he got fired. Chris's job primarily consisted of custodial duties instead of preparing food.

Chris has contradicted himself at various times about exactly when he worked there. He claimed in his [[Chris's resume|resumé]] that he worked there from August to October [[2001]], but he told [[Kacey]]'s father that he had already been fired before 11 September.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> Chris likely worked at Wendy's for a month and a half, working about 20-30 hours a week for what was probably minimum wage.

==Chris the employee==
Chris's own accounts of his employment paint him as a stubborn and difficult employee. In [[2009]], Chris was asked about his time at Wendy's several times after the date with [[Emily]]. Chris believed his supervisor didn't think very highly of him for reasons upon which we can only speculate. He mentioned a time involving him getting his uniform dirty and simply continuing to wear it after trying to wash it in the bathroom sink, not taking into account the [[Chris and health#Hygiene|usual sanitation standards]] of most fast food restaurants and also not realizing he could get another, clean shirt from the supply room.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

In a conversation with [[Kacey]]'s father, Chris mentioned "emotional differences" as the reason for his termination, and claimed that the manager had a "spike on his shoulder" against him. It's not known what these differences were, although they were almost certainly minor differences of opinion over punctuality and performing the job duties for which he was hired.<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

A chat with [[Jackie]] revealed more information about Chris's time at Wendy's. Chris talked about how a female co-worker was mean-spirited and gave him "bad times with criticisms, insults and whatnot." In reality, this could have been a co-worker simply trying to give Chris some constructive criticism. In the same chat, Chris also admitted that he would take frequent breaks after washing the tables and taking out the trash, not realizing that there was other stuff for him to do.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 4|Jackie Chat #4]]</ref>

==Dismissal==
The circumstances of Chris's firing are unclear, as Chris has given vague and contradictory answers about the cause of his dismissal. The last straw appears to have been when Chris scared a small boy in the restaurant. His family were about to leave, Chris helped them by giving them their bags and a top for their baked potato boat,<ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]]</ref> but then Chris performed his terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and the child cried. Chris claims that this did not scare the child - he was just tired.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]] - "No, not really scary, you see he was tired..."</ref><ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]] - "But I did not make the child cry, the child was already- was just tired."</ref>

[[Image:Chris Wendy's.jpg|thumb|250px|Older photo of the branch.]]

In a later account, he denied performing the voice when talking to [[Jackie]],<ref>[[Jackie Chat 4|Jackie Chat #4]] - "he got his opportunity one night after watching a family with a tired child crying; I did nothing to cause him to cry, he WAS tired. And I offered to get a top for their potato so they could take it with them. [...] the manager thought I had done my Donald Duck voice for the child and made him cry, which was not the case.</ref> even though he had admitted to it in previous accounts.<ref>[[Mumble 7|Mumble #7]] - Troll: "Well, we heard that, uh, you... We've heard so many things, like you helped a small child and you did a Donald Duck impersonation and you scared the child." Chris: "Mmm... Also, that- Also, that is correct, but I did not scare the child."</ref><ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

At Wendy's, Chris received the only money he has ever actually earned in his life — a sum likely consisting of about $500, or nineteen days' [[tugboat]].

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=&vps=9&jsv=151e&sll=38.231303,-78.37095&sspn=0.005158,0.019312&ie=UTF8&geocode=FYRbRwIdkChU-w&split=0 Google Maps Location]

==See also==
*[[Cutco]] - Chris's only other employer.
*[[Chris's resume]]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Jobs]]

File:Wendys Chris 2011.jpg

2011-09-07T10:32:08Z

UncleBastard:

Chris and fashion

2011-08-24T07:05:12Z

UncleBastard: /* Trademark clothing */

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are exclusively purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Therefore, the only clothes he owns are colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts that have been marinating in his [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|bodily stench and fluids]] for the past decade. Since most of them are decorated with horizontal stripes, they only make him look [[Obesity|fatter]].

[[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one (the "Advice Dog" shirt) and possibly all of his shirts were purchased by his cruel, cruel [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] so people will notice the fact that he's [[Autism|"special"]] and [[Kick the Autistic|treat him with sympathy]]. Alternatively, it could be that the Chandlers just aren't exactly what you'd call "fashion savvy". Although his mother doesn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chooses to wear these shirts, possibly out of a strong aversion to change, a common trait of [[autistic]] people.

== Childhood ==
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polo and T-shirts and khaki pants. The only difference compared to today is that he sometimes even dared to wear single-colored shirts with his [[Sonic the Hedgehog|favorite game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme is the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he has owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it does not look good on him.

== Trademark clothing ==

[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring the Horizontal Horror.]]

Chris's classic outfit consists of:

* His favorite shirt, a striped/weirdly patterned [[Wikipedia:rugby football|rugby]] [[Wikipedia:rugby shirt|shirt]], which is so tight that it accentuates his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably draws himself wearing in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]].
* His [[Medallions of Fail|medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[Pedo-Glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically define his rear end to a disturbing level — he may be wearing women's jeans, or he may simply still wear pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail]]
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for the many [[Chris and death|funerals that plague his existence]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Since late [[2009]], a [[sports bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

==The "[[Ian Brandon Anderson|IBA]]" outfit==
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a terrible goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that is too small for his girth.
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clownshirts, and claimed that he was pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video.

==The "Gay Trucker" outfit==
[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the [[medallion]] for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. The result is a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that Chris tries to look like a bad boy, but he ends up looking like a gay trucker, hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could make it look gayer is by combining it with his [[muscle bra]]. Which, unfortunately, he has. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the [[Sonichu Medallion]] would actually ''improve'' his chances of picking up girls.

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly express Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that read "Mount and do me". That said, the video was made for a potential sweetheart that Chris desperately wanted to fuck, leaving open the possibility that Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[Chris's room|bedroom]].

Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to a public, family-oriented concert. He then topped this later, by pulling that shirt over his head, and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" The common belief is that these tasteless, sexually themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is both straight and available without ever having to talk to people.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos where he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts (including a [[Manchester High School]] senior class T-shirt which he must have reverently preserved for at least a decade). The effect is interesting, bringing him closer to something like normality than he's been in many years. He's still a pale, sweaty, balding, grotesquely fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that puts him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's t-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more — the Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

==The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit==
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet, too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com.

It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.

==The “Tomgirl” series==
[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]

{{main|Tomgirl Pictures}}

In April 2011 a series of pictures were leaked showing Chris dressed in woman’s clothing in public. His new outfit consists of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eyeliner
* Jeans
* Blue string top
*Black thong
*A silver ring<ref>File:TG6.jpg</ref> (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge [[F Abstinence|virginity]] until marriage)<ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is [[autistic]], observers often speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. Either way, Christian seems to regard his shirt as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

His fashion sense has shown itself to be evolving in the last year, but moving in cycles. In [[2010]] he seemed to have ditched the [[Sonichu medallion]] and moved into what could be described as a more edgy, hip, aggressive look. His success at being so is on par for course with the rest of his attempts at things.

Of note, during his conversation with [[Kacey]] while posing as [[Liquid Chris]] he claimed to also own a striped shirt like the "impostor". He expressed much joy at the fact that it was red, white and blue, implying owning a shirt was proof of his patriotism.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|4]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|5]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|7]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|8]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 22nd, 2009|11]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|12]] [[Sign Destruction Video|13]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|14]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]] [[Magical Man Potion|3]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|3]] [[Wigwam|4]] [[WeighIn|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[This was my fault|1]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|2]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|2]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|3]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2266|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 28th, 2008|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[For Kacey II|7]] [[To Clyde Gregg|8]] [[For Chris II|9]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|10]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]

</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

== Wrist warmer ==

[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

Ever wonder what that thing is behind Chris's neck?

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>}}

Chris most likely wears it as a counter to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

== Cosplaying ==
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}

==Sauce==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Calling Out

2011-08-24T06:55:37Z

UncleBastard: /* Transcript */

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded between 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|8 month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

These videos showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, [[Barbara|Cloverfield]]-like viewing experience.

== Calling Out "Tito" - Don ==
In this video, also known as '''101 2461''', Chris announces his return to the [[Internet]]. He claims to have information regarding the true identity of various trolls, including [[Surfshack Tito]] (aka "Don"). After briefly showing viewers a fragment of a photograph of what he claims is the real Tito, Chris lists his demands to prevent the release of the full photo and, presumably, other revealing documents.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Tito" - Don
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gDuIfwZbN3c}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[100 2357.MOV]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Easily trolled by annnyooooneee.jpg|thumb|"... They could be easily trolled back by aaanyone." Intimidated?]]
[''Looks at camera with an emotionless face, and then jerks the camera to his right'']

Attention, citizens of the internet. I am making a return. [[Chris and Ego|Y'all should know me by now]], if in case if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of [[Sonichu|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu|Rosechu]] and the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|electric hedgehog Pokemon]]. Firstly, upon that note, I would like to inform everyone that it was originally meant to be a [[My Little Pony|TV-Y7 rated... friendship socializing, promoting type of series]]... it is not meant to be taken otherwise in [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|any adulterous forms]].

[''Jerks camera around more'']

And with that, I will now continue with why I am making my return. I am ready to initiate [[Chris and negotiation|negotiations]] and paybacksss with the trolls, some cyberbullies that have been defiling me within the past five years... in the past four years. Firstly, I would like to make it well known that I have ''information'' of such trolls and cyberbullies if at that point if I release them, they could be easily trolled back by aaanyone. And, the first [[Chris and English|among chopping block]] I would like to ensue, [[Surfshack Tito|'''Surfshack Tito''']]... or should I day, Don in Michigan! And I'm not saying that he's a total [[Obesity|fat person]], but [[Random Access Humor|he would make the really big Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison]]. In fact, with his looks, he could be a [[Inos|Rasta]] Buddha! And I show you only a fragment of the [[speech impediment|pho-to-graph]]. [''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now, DON. Let's talk business. If you do not want me to review- reveal the entire pho-to-graph, or any of the remainder of your information of which I have upon my possession, [[Chris and negotiation|YOU WILL FOLLOW MY DEMANDS]]! And they are listed as such....

I want you to come forward with- come forward with your participation in, uh, [[PlayStation Network]] hackings... directly to [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America and Sony Computer Entertainment Japan with a ''live video'', unaltered, ay, uh--slightly altered, you MAY blur your face. That is the only option that you get: Blurring your face. You will apologize to... Sony and [[Chris and english|mess up]] for hacking into the PlayStation Network at all, [[Chris and Reality|'cause I know you are responsible for that]].

And also, I would you to, in that- within that same video, or in a separate video, apologize directly to my [[Gal pal|ex-girlfriend]] Heather and her family. You may even call them up on the telephone that you are the one among which responsibole for pretending to be me... and stopping that relationship between us, 'cause I would like to have peace between my... past friends, because I don't like there to be bad things or [[Megan|ill tidings]] between people. ''(Pauses)'' And I know it was partially my fault, too, on that, by the way, within that relationship breakup.

But anyway, moving on with my demands, I would like- also like you to set to-send me via U.S. Mail, ''ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH''. American. Unmarked billssss, snail-mailed to my home address, in a long, small white... envelope, with YOUR home address clearly, legibly, hand writ-ten on the envelope in the return area. Next, I want you to remove ''ALL'' of the -cre-''ALL'' of the pages on the website known as the [[CWCki]] that have originally came from you that you have started. Also, as well as all contributions you have to any other pages as well. And lastly, from this point, after you have done these things, I would like you, ''Don'' of ''Michigan'', to leave me, my life, my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my [[SonichuBabies|friends]] ''alone''. To be, for the rest of our lives, in peace.

I leave that up to you [[Speech Impediment|Surussshack Tito]]. Expect another video in the near fu- in the near future of another troll that I am well aware of. Thank you.

== Tito's official response ==
In a clear attempt to meet Chris's demands, Tito produced a video in which he explains what lengths he is prepared to go to in order to prevent Chris from releasing his personal information. This video was acknowledged by Chris the following day.
==== Video ====
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tito's official response to Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uZhlo94cMNk}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| maker = Surfshack Tito
| subject = Response to Chris's Demands
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
}}
{{quote|This is official, true, and honest.}}

===== Transcript =====
Heh, hey, little cuz, uh, or, uh, [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] if you prefer. It's me, uh, Tito, or Don, um. Listen man, I got some sand in the [[Navy|potato salad]] this time; you caught me, cuz. I- I admit it. I sold the security files of [[Sony|Sony]] to the hackers and I'll, uh I'll get you the money! I'll get you the thousand dollars, and the interest! Just don't- just don't release that video, eh with the picture of me, just don't do anymore, man! I'll, uh, I'll do anything, I'll be your [[Niggos|slave]] for a whole week if I have to. I got people after me, I can't have them finding out who I am, just, just be a cuz, man, and-and-and- and don't let me down. I won't let you down.

== Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, Chris calls out Thorg (aka "Jeremy", aka [[CWCki]] user [[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]]) and again sets out his demands to prevent the release of a full photograph and revealing documents. Despite his interest in [[Tomgirl|appearing and acting like a woman]], Chris demands that Thorg let the people of New York City know that he likes [[China|China]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6Fh0p9WXRDc}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Calling Out "Tito" - Don]]
| next = [[#Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"|Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}

===Transcript===
Hello, once again, the Internet! I have returned with another troll, cyberbull-y, that I am ware- aware of who he is in real life. I br- I called to your attention Master Thorg, T-H-O-R-G, or as he [is] known in real life, Jeremy, within Canada.

He is a pizza-faced [[Chris and Religion|atheist]]. You can find him possibly in a video game store. I leave the specifics disclosed at this time. And, here is a sample of ''his'' [[Speech Impediment|pho-to-graph]].

[''Chris points the camera to the television showing half the face of a man. He then returns the camera to him.'']

Now, Jeremy, let's you and I [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|talk business]] now. My demands are as follows:

Because I know and well awa- and I [am] well aware that you have Photoshopped me into that damned [[:File:Gaybar.png|gay bar]] and uploaded it- have it- you had it uploaded upon the [[20_December_2009#One_of_these_things_is_not_like_the_others|billboards]] in New York City within some time ago. I would like you to make a public apology with your face, you may blur your face out as well, but I would like the statement to follow it:

"That you are- that it is a correction that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am [[Homos|STRAIGHT]], and I have never ever been in a damned gay bar ''ever.''"

And I want that uploaded among the New York City billboards, and I want them left up there for one whole week, from one Sunday to the following Saturday. One, whole, week. Seven. days.

And that I- and also within the statements I would like you to know that I, Christian Weston Chandler, am an [[Chris and anger|all-around good-natured person]], and that I am to be treated and respected as a normal person. I am not a bad person; I do not like to be treated or thought of as a bad person, as I have been made out to be within the [[Trolls|trolls]], including yourself, Jeremy, within your [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|smearing]] and hate campaigns of my name.

My next demand: I would like you to remove all of your pages as well from the CWCki, including every last page and image that you have put up there talking about the [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia|Tomboy/Tomgirl forum of Virginia]]. Remove them all, as well as your contributions to any pages. And then beyond that after having completed all that, I would like you as well to leave me, my life, my family, and my friends, alone, and at peace, to live our lives respectively as well. I'll leave you all with that. Stay tuned for another revealed troll... or slightly revealed, as I am ON THE PAYBACK! [''laughs maniacally'']

I win.

== Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg" ==
In this short video, Chris sets a deadline for Don and Jeremy to meet his demands, lest [[jerkops|the authorities]] intervene: 31 August, 2011.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|mP4wwvCSS7U}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Jerks around the camera and makes a wide-eyed, blank face'']

I almost forgot. Between Don and Jeremy, also known as Suresack- [[Surfshack Tito|Surfshack Tito]] and Thorg, my demands, I would like them met before August 31st, 2011, the end of this month. And if my demands are not met before then, I'm gonna reveal your respective real life photographs as well as the rest of the personal information of you two in the- respectively, that I have within my possession. And then you two will b- each be trolled by your own trolls, and the [[Jerkops|police]] will catch up with you.

So, each of you. Meet my demands. Before August 31st... 2011.

[''Fumbles with the camera again, [[Chris and cinematography|almost dropping it]]'']

== Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher ==
Three days later, Chris posted a fourth video, calling out [[Alec Benson Leary]]. He's dropped the request for money and billboards, but now demands that Alec, Tito and Thorg [[Chris and hypocrisy|leave the Internet]]. He later delivers tirade concerning the [[GAMe PLACe]] and its owner, which culminates in accusing [[Michael Snyder]] of being a child molester. Chris's [[speech impediment|poor speaking skills]] are quite prevalent in this video, as he repeats the words "essentially" and "associated" numerous times. He also manages to repeat the ever-classic "My mommy- my family" line from one of his [[For My Sweetest Ivy|videos for Ivy]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WN72luEx708}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Asperchu|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}, {{Redbra|text}}
| previous = [[#Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| next = [[It's not that cold]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Hello, again, once again. I am here to make another [[trolls|troll]] [[speech impediment|esspos]]e as I have found anudder one amongst the bunch... the bunches! The one called [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec Benson Learec- Leary]] is not who he appears to be, and certainly is NOT an original creator of [[Asperchu|Asperchu]]. In fact, he is not even [[Aspergers|AsPERGIAN]]! He does not have Aspergers, and he’s another [[Chris|fatty]] [[Barbara|fat]] [[Robert Chandler|fat]] [[Sammy|fat]] [[Hambeast|fat]]... [[Desi|fat]]. Aaand just le—and I do NOT have a script. I have notes.

[''Holds up a piece of lined paper and a piece of red construction paper'']

I have notes and I form my own script. Anyway, he also has ties with the, uh, [[The GAMe PLACe|Game and Hobby]] place of which he makes donaations, of wid- which I have another esspose about the Game Place. First, here is his closeup.

[''Turns camera towards his television, showing part of a man's face.'']

Now let’s talk... oh yeah, his real name is Christopher. So, [[Homos|Cha-ris]], let’s talk business now. What I would like from you… is essentially a live video apology for all the wrongs you have done to me over the [[Internet|innernet]] including the [[Chris and Copyright|copyright infringement on my Sonichu]] with your CHEAP, poor excuse for a 9-year-old... Asperchu, you immature [[JERKS|jerk]]! And then, I want you to leave the internet for good, and leave me and [[For My Sweetest Ivy|my mom—and my family]]... and friends at peace.

Also, on that note, I wish to make a correction to my demands with [[Surfshack Tito|Don]] and Jeremy. Essentially I have lear- Essentially I have learned from my esteemed colleague associates that [[Chris and the Law|apparently it is extortion]] to request [[Spanish|mucho dinero]], plus the billboard is no longer in effect. So therefore, I essentially still want Don to come forward with his video to Sony and to me publicly apologizing and everything, and the same goes to Jeremy. Public video apology, and both of y’all have to leave the internet for good, and leave me and my family and friends at peace.

Anyway, going back to, uh, Christopher… by the way, I know you’re in Texas. You’re in Texas, you [[Obesity|fatty fat fat]]! He has been donating to the troll cause and such over at The PLACE! The [[The GAMe PLACe|game and hobby place]] of which we are fully aware of and have grown to love and such, but there is more to THE PLACE, and its three associated stores located only within [[Virginia|Virginia]], and I know from cold hard facts... including facts from a Hook article back in August of [[2002|2002]], that... the four stores, their owner, a one Mr. Robert Lightburn... is... a [[Pedofork|child molester]], and convicted sex offender in Illinois.

And think about this! The place in [[Charlottesville|Charlottesville]] is located right across from a school, and it is owned by a child molester! Parents! Children! Associated families! I don’t think you would want anyone who is a minor, or [[Chris and Reality|even under the age of ten]] to go into such a place that is owned by a child molester, and I am sure that in association, even though he is married, [[Michael Snyder]] has his own child molestation skeleton [[Homos|in his closet]]! He probably even molested his own daughter for all I know! I do not have concrete facts, so therefore that is just theory until I am corrected. But the point is the place is owned by a child molester, and nobody should ever, ever go into that place again… and it should be closed down for good! And that’s all I have for this video right now. Stay tuned for another [[slow-in-the-minds|Trroll ess-especial twirl esspose]].

== Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy ==
In this video, also known as '''101 2466''', Chris accepts [[Surfshack_Tito_(troll)#Tito.27s_official_response_to_Chris|Tito's attempt to meet his demands]], while Thorg appears to have made no such efforts yet. Chris is still awaiting the money he demanded (apparently forgetting that in the last video he admitted that blackmail was a felony), and another part of Jeremy's face and part of another photo Chris has obtained of him are shown to viewers.

This video also shows us that Chris now has two piercings on each ear. It was previously believed he had two on his right ear and only one on his left.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Nn4u9b_hJk}}
| stardate = 10 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}, {{Redbra|text}}
| previous = [[It's not that cold]]
| next = [[Correction of EX relationship status]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:Miss duh dadline.jpg|thumb|but miss the deadline...]]
[[File:CheckYourPriv.jpg|thumb|Y'all best remember to check your privileges, ya hear?]]
Well, it seems I have gotten a well-wise response to my recent videos...from [[Surfshack Tito|master Don]], of which I will now respond to as [[speech impediment|sutss]]. You d-you made a wise descision, Don. I am-as long as I get the money before the end of the month, I will withhold the photographs and the other information. I can promise you that, but miss the deadline... ''[widens his eyes and stares into the camera]'' and you certainly don't have to be my slave for a week. I mean, aside from the [[Niggos|slave laws]] and everything. ''[shakes head and sighs]''

Anyway, apparently I have learned from my esteemed colleague that Thorg, master Jeremy, is still not convinced I mean businesss. Well, just to show you, Jeremy, that I mean businesss, I'm going to reveal a little bit more about you.

Here is a closeup--another closeup of that pho-to-graph zoomed in on your pizza face! ''[looks off-camera at the picture and zooms in on a different part]'' Excuse me a moment. ''[whispers]'' alright, ''[mumbles, as air conditioner gets louder]'' as well as a zoom-in on a possibly more current, or possibly previous pho-to-graph of yourself. Aaand, I'm gonna reveal a couple of random tidbits about you from my notes!

Once again, Jeremy lives in Can-a-da...and he likes the typical geeky things, without being stereotypical, of course, and not offending anyone of the sort, because I am considerably one myself, because I like [[Pokemon|Pokemon]], [[Yu-Gi-Oh|Yu-Gi-Oh!]], and all- and [[My Little Pony|that sort]]. Apparently, uh, he is a LARPer. Live action role playing! As it was portrayed in that episode of [[Wikipedia:The Tester|The Tester]]!

''[begins to speak in a high-pitched, singsongy voice]''

"Oh, look at me, I'm [[Chris and English|trollicking]] about! We are going to be warriors and whatnot! Yay, we won the things! [[Chris and Reality|And then we're future cops, sent being- mall-for future mall cops]]! Mall cops of the future! La, la la, la la, la la! We're LARPing about! LARP LARP LARP LARP! LARP. LAAAARP. LARP! Lorp."

And we know that the atheist does not like [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|having his mind changed]] about [[GodJesus|God]]. I mean, I gotta tell you, man, God is all-powerful. How do you think the [[speech impediment|Earss]] was created aside from the big bang? Who had to put the big bang together? God! And I know from my bible ''[shows bible]'', my hand on it, that between him and [[GodJesus|Jesus]], they're pretty powerful! They're pretty powerful individuals... and I believe in them. They have- I mean, Jesus has done a lot with his miracles before he had to [[Obesity|weigh]] the cross, which I just [[Chris and his Ego|empathize]] with him on that,i mean.

''[closes eyes and inhales through teeth]'' it's like I can feel the thorns that were drug-that were drudge, plowed through his hands and his feet! [[Fail|Thorn of crowns]]. Mm. Empathy is a powerful thing.

But...I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have God or Jesus at my-by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists...are the [[Beel|Devil]]'s spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the [[Chris and English|hace]] and the fire! As a believer...I would either be a [[Chris and Anger|peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker]], but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!

You have until August 31st to reply and follow my demands of admitting...your wrongdoings, and making the public apologies via [[YouTube|YouTube]] video, as I am a-well aware, as I have made note, but apparently the billboard is no longer an option. Anyway, between the YouTube public apology, and leaving the internet alone, AND leaving me, my [[Chandler Family Tree|family]], my friends at peace, that is what I demand of you, master Jeremy. ''[air conditioner gets louder]''

Your move. 'Cause if you're not, fulfill- if you don't don't respond by the 31st, [''[[death threats|snaps fingers and widens his eyes]]''] I mean business. Check your privileges!

== Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya ==

Chris, [[Homo|lipstick and all]], threatens [[Jack Thaddeus]]. Unlike his reveal on [[Thorg]], Chris becomes two-faced as he accepts Jack's desire to be a transvestite and seek gender reassignment surgery, yet he attacks Jack because he chases after guys. Like the reveal on Thorg, Chris wants to see him trolled not so much out of a tit-for-tat desire for revenge, but rather because Chris found out he was [[homos]]exual. Interestingly, Chris gives Jack ten extra days to come up with his apology video and to leave the Internet.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya
| video = {{#ev:youtube|w1SN9Jl-DTk}}
| stardate = 16 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Blue tomgirl|text}}, {{Redbra|text}}
| previous = [[Kaka Makeup Basics]]
| next = [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]]
}}
{{quote|Blackmailing me to hump your Playstation 3 causing great embarassment, to sing "It's okay to be gay", and he Posted disgusting advertisements on the [[CWCipedia]]}}

=== Transcript ===
[[File:BI.jpg|thumb|The one time you wish he was wearing DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS.]]
[''Chris sits down and sighs.''] Good day. I felt that it's appropriate to dress in my feminine attire as I- as you can see fits. [''He stretches out one leg, trying to show off his ass.''] Because I am definite calling out one Jack Thaddeusss, and we happen to share ''[He lifts his leg and rests it on his knee, giving the camera a buffalo shot.]'' some similar common interests, a few of which. Like, uh, yes, we can- we- we do accept the adj- we both accept the adjective of being called trannies, esscept for him, he's, uhh, he's just went through a whole-- the whole gender-changing operation. Yep. Lopping off his [[Pickle|dick]] and puttin' on the ol'... an' gettin' it tucked in. I am not- I would never chop- I would never do that to- [[Homos#Fear of becoming a homo|I would never do that.]] Go and have a sex change operation. I'm proud to be a male, and I'm even more proud to be a [[tomgirl]].
[[File:Spanking2.jpg|thumb|"I like to get smacked by my woman."]]
And we both like to cross-dress, yes. And we both are into [[April 16 Fetish Vids|femdom]], which is a female domination. Oh, yeah. ''[creepy chuckle]'' I like to get smacked by [[Ivy|my woman]]. Mmm... yes.

Except for, uh, I would definitely s- put against, uh, Misher Jack, or, as is real name is said in de title of this video, which I will say in a moment. Uhh, in the pro- in the- in his- in his case of him, uh, having his operation and going through it, I feel that he would defi'itely '''not''' be considered any at all a woman- a woman whatsoever. He just only fashionably ''[raises his hands]'' looks like a woman, with the parts and whatnot, except he does not have- essept he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive[sic] organs. I mean, I want to have [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]] someday. Obviously, he don't. ''[Gives a disgusted look.]''

And, uh, also my associate dat gave me the information on him, he- pretty much, uh, he pretty much is plain out callin' him a tomgirl, but you know what? He's not a tomgirl at all. He's just a full-blown [[Homos|gay]]. ''[Stares into space, then looks down at his clipboard.]''

Anyway, gettin' back on topic, uh, his name is, uh, Ahu-viya, which, uh, it is spelled at the title of this video. Hmm, he is in Pennsylvania, and, uh, I have pretty much just gave a few descriptions of him, uh, yeah. He definitely appreciates his... [[homos]]eshual culture as it is. I mean, yeah. Everybody- everybody who hates- everybody who is a ho- who is a homophobe, ''[drops his leg down and sits upright]'' go ahead and call him on it. Call Ahuviya a God-dang homo.

[''moans with a derp voice, imitating Ahuviya''] Homo! I like to be a homo! [[Slow in the minds|He-he durr-hurr bluh bleh bleh!]] Eeeeoooouh! [''shakes his head with his tongue sticking out, then blows a raspberry'']

Yeah. But, of course, the, uh- my demands are simple, as they ha' been recently. I want Mr Ha- Ahuviya to make the public apologies for all the things he have done a- he has done against me. ''[Quieter voice.]'' Shoot, I forgot to write 'em down. But he knows what he did! Among which, uh, he has, uh, pestured me, and, uh, [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|on]] [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2|the]] [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|phone]], and uh, [[Chris humps his PS3|blackmailed me into]] [[It's UGH!|doin' a few things]]. Yeah, I'll in from th- get those stats in and, uh, if he doesn't, uh, I might add them to the description of this video, after I wri- after I write 'em down.

Hmph. Anyway, 25-year-old Ahuviya, homooooo! Pretty much it. ''[Swings his leg back up to rest on his knee.]'' We do agree on being cross-dressersss. Although, I must also admit, um, ''[to himself]''I should have access to that actually, uh, yeah. [''Grabs his [[PS3]] controller''] Just give me oooone moment. [''Boots up his PS3''] Yeah, I think this is it. Whoops. [''puts controller in both hands''] I think actually did... save it on here... Huhhh, zoom in, I only want a but of a free sample.

[''Grabs his camera shakily.''] For thisss, as usuaw... hmm, I gotta get a little clossse here, because I don't have zoom-in functions on the Cross-Video bar Photo Viewer...

[''Cue a bright yellow light''] Closer the picture. [''Shows a close-up of a man's chin.''] Yeah. Anyway, he just does a bad- [[Chris and hypocrisy|he just does a terrible job in cross- quote-unquote "cross-dressing," because I mean, look at that stubble on his face!]] [''Smacks his hand on the camera lens.'']

[''Uncovers to show his arm, then the camera pans over his messy room.''] And then look at me all over. I take the time to shave myself. [''Close-up of his bare thigh, then slaps it.''] Smooth. ''[He slaps his ass.]''

[''He jerks up the camera back to his face.''] So yeah. Ahuviya... make your apology video, leave the Internet, leave me and my family and my friends at peace. You have... uhh, lemme see... [''He checks his calender, counting under his breath.]'' ''One, two three...'' Yeah. You have until the tenth of [[September 2011|September of this year]] to upload your video of apology for all the wrongs you have done to me which I list in the description a li'l later. Good day.

== Re-Calling Ahuvia ==

On 23 August 2011, Chris made another video calling out Jack Thaddeus once more. As the time ticks down, Chris reveals more information about him, including the fact that he was a Communist, spewing patriotic crap that would have fit in more with the [[wikipedia:McCarthy Hearings|McCarthy Hearings]] than today. Incidentally, he further proves his ignorance by [[Honor roll|confusing communism and fascism]]. Like his previous Jack Thaddeus/ADF video, it was removed for hate speech.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Re-Calling Ahuvia
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ofdre0Ima1A}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.5 Shirt
| previous = [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| next = [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[[Sigh|*Sigh*]] Hello again, de Internet. I have heard d- have not seen any response from Mr. Jack Thaddeus, as also he's known as Ahuvia. So therefore, I will reveal a little bit more information about him, starting with another portion of the photograph. ''[Camera pans shakily to the TV screen. It takes a moment to come into focus, revealing the upper left portion of a face, and then jerks back to Chris.]''

And, uh- let's see, what else do I have here on de stanssss... ''[Chris seems to read from something in his hands offscreen]'' He was definitely responsible for hacking my- hacking da network accounts. Probably had a ''hand'' in that blackout a few months ago. ''[A brief pause while Chris looks at his notes again]'' And, uh, he blackmailed me into humping... my c-console. And, uh, pa- he pasted the disgusting ads on da Cwcipedia... as well ''[Slurring and hissing]'' asss otherss trollin' schemess within the past couple of years. Uh, let's see...

''[Looks down again]'' Hmm...

Oh yes! ''[Looks back at camera, raises voice in a faux dramatic fashion]'' He is a communist! And we do not like communists within dis country! ''[Waves his right hand about, pointing upwards while glancing to his left]'' We are Republic, Democrat or neutral... And I am neutral, so I can go either way, but I do not exactly care much for ''[Raises voice and waves finger emphatically]'' COMMUNISM! We do not like to stand under one ruler. It is very unruly and... sssssssstupid! ''[Pauses and stares]''

''[Chris begins to sing a half-assed rendition of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MReV9dkAVhY "Der Fuhrer's Face"] (1940's Disney Song)'' I will give a heil! ''[raspberry]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' ''[In a sing-songy manner]'' Right in der Führer's face. Da da doo doo doo doo doo d'loo da doo doo doo da da ''[Chris and camera both bob enthusiastically with the tune]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' Heil! ''[raspberry]'' Right in der Führer's face. ''[With his song finished, Chris settles the camera]''

Oh, yes, he is also a big fan of, uh- bonding... bondage, ssssadoism, machotism and disciplinary fetishisesss. And he is in the process of a sssexual change. He is going to have his... ''[Pauses, looks uncomfortable]'' wiener chopped off. I would ne'er do that, which I believe I have mentioned earlier; that is the one thing in being a tranny that I disagree on with him... And he's definitely never gonna be a female truly in that sense, in female ''[Loudly and deeply]'' dominance. He has to get a real woman to come in in order to do that. ''[Pauses again to look at his notes]''

He still lives in Pennsylvania. Still a homo. ''[With a dramatic voice like an announcer at a boxing match]'' Twennnty five years old! ''[Attempting to sing the name operatically]'' Ahuvia.

Stay tuned.

== Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David ==
Chris, still high on victory, turns his attention to [[BlueSpike]], believing him to be the cause of the prank phone calls of people shouting out "JULAAAAAAAAAAY!" and calling him [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]. His reasoning for going after BlueSpike also seemed to be more towards his condition of Asperger's and the fact that he has no job, likes big rooms and is a gamer, despite the fact that BlueSpike would be about 15-16 at the time and would be unable to really get a stable job, unlike someone we know who'd be able to get a job but doesn't want to. It too was removed from Youtube shortly after being posted.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David
| video = {{#ev:youtube|uEMFYldLCUM}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|Internet}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.5 Shirt
| previous = [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| next = [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

[[File:Toht.jpg|thumb|Chris looked at the ark.]]

''[Chris puts his hand to his mouth and clears his throat.]'' JUUULAYYYYYY! JUUUULAAYY! IT'S IAN BRANDON ANDERSON! ''[He waves his hands while saying this]'' JUUULLLAY! ''[incomprehensible retarded noises here, up to...]'' Ian Brandon Anderson. JUUUUULLAYYY! *pfffffttt* ''[blows raspberry while flipping the bird]'' And that's who we are calling out next. The, uh, person who posed-pretended to be an adult woman but yet was a little, uh, little brat. Al...-he was also known as his alias Max, and Bluespike, but his real name is... ''[hits pad of paper offscreen]'' David!

And he lives in... ''[hits pad again]'' California! Don't know that much about his age, but he's at least thirteen years old. And guess what... he is confirmed to have... ''[dramatic lean forward]'' [[Aspergers_syndrome|assburgers]]! And I don't care much for aspergians, and I do not care to be associated with, erm, an... and I do not accept the ''[makes quote-marks hand gesture]'' scientific fact that [[Autism|autism]] is linked to assburgers at any time. I would quote myself as to what I said in the esstra part of [[Autism Tutorial Extra|my Little Big Planet 2 animation]], but I don't remember the words at this point.

''[picks up camera and turns around, with it facing the back of the room]''

Except that it definitely sounds like a bad cut of cow meat. And of course he was responsible for dat Julie fiasco and making me drive all the way to Cleveland, Ohioooo! And cutting up, one of the, cutting up the second medal, and ''[sounding like Popeye?] [[Julie Reveals Herself|Shoving it up my ass.]]'' And... he likes ''[dramatic gesture]'' big rooms! [[Chris and hypocrisy|And he has no job]]! And he is also a [[PS3|gamer]]. Here is a close up, featured from his photograph!

''[Chris turns the camera around to face the TV]''

''[high pitched]'' Look at his buck [[Fangs|teeth]]! ''[normal again]'' Or at least the gap between his teeth. That's a biiiig gap! Look at how big that gap is! Huh? Gap! Teeth! Buck teeth? Perhaps. But definitely a gap.

''[Chris turns the camera back towards himself while spinning around]''

And, Mr. David, you have until September 15th to come up with the apology video, and leave me and my family and my friends at peace, oh, and also in your apology video tell everyone to stop making phonecalls to me that say ''[retarded hand waving again]'' JUUULLAAAAY! JUUULLLAAAYYY! And get rid... make sure that no-one ever calls me Ian Brandon Anderson ever again, because, ''[fast]'' thatisnotmyname! ''[long pause]'' You have until September 15th. JUUUULLLLAAAY- ''[cuts out]''

{{Troll Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2357.MOV]]|nextlink=[[It's not that cold]] / [[Correction of EX relationship status]]}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-06]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-09]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011|2011-08-10]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Clyde Cash

2011-03-05T16:13:33Z

UncleBastard:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Clyde Cash
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Gregg Mays
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 4 July 1976
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Siblings'''
| [[Ryan Cash]] (deceased)
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[PandaHalo]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
Internet troll Leader of [[The Miscreants]]
|-
|}

[[Image:ChrisVSClyde.JPG|thumb|left|Artist's interpretation of this epic struggle.]]
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|STRAIGHT]] ANGER]]

{{quote|Yer butt's gonna be in trouble|[[Barbara Chandler]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[Hooker incident#Aftermath|The Hooker Incident]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!|[[Chris]] on Clyde Cash<ref>[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009]]</ref>}}

'''Clyde Cash''' (alias '''Gregg Mays''' - that's [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|Gregg with three G's]]) ([[America|4 July]] [[1976]]<ref>[[:File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg]]</ref>) is leader of [[The Miscreants]] and the most notorious of [[Chris]]'s [[troll]]s, often considered to be Chris's arch nemesis.

In Chris's revised [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the ''[[Transformers]]'' character [[Wikipedia:Starscream|Starscream]], who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow [[Wikipedia:Megatron|Megatron]] behind the scenes. Chris says this [[Chris and Reality|because he believes]] Clyde allegedly killed [[BlueSpike]].<ref>[[Mumble 12]]</ref>

==Origins==
For the longest time, Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed, Clyde would read Ryan the latest ''[[Sonichu]]'' adventure until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually with the first three pages).

This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing ''Sonichu'' [[comic]]s. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. One night in mid-[[December 2008]],<ref>[[IRC (18 December 2008)]]</ref> Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.

On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] would be released from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed, but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.
{{clear}}

==The torment begins==
[[Image:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg|thumb|left|[[Virginia]]: [[Virginia is for Virgins|No longer for virgins]].]]
[[Image:Clydecashandannamclerran.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash turns [[Anna McLerran|ladies]] [[Homos|straight]].]]
Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's [[sweetheart]] [[PandaHalo]]<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref>, but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next [[gal-pal]]. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

Then, Clyde [[Gregg Mays E-mails|posed as Gregg Mays]] (a web designer working for [[Nintendo]]) to gain access to [[Sonichu.net]]. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make [[It's UGH!|a video proclaiming he was gay]]. He then told him to make a [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|video declaring his straightness]]. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a [[troll]] and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde managed to gain access again.

It was around this time that [[Takashi Tezuka]] and [[Jay Z]] were doing their ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]], they created the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

[[Julie]] set up a [[Mumble]] chat in which Chris could communicate with [[Trolls|TRUE and HONEST ''Sonichu'' fans]]. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|cleaning his room]]. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref>

After that, he sent out his trusted [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Hebrew friend]] to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned [[Robert Simmons V]] into a troll and infiltrated [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].<ref>[[Church Audio]]</ref> He then stole Chris's one and only date, [[Emily]].<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

When [[Ivy]] came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and killed herself.<ref>[[CWC "Boyfriend"]]</ref>

Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the [[PSN]] a few times, but then [[Jack Thaddeus]] did him one better...<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>

And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.

On 22 [[May 2009]], the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by [[The Miscreants]]. The incident was deemed suicide, although some suspected a foul play.

==In the comic==
[[File:Cly.jpg|thumb|left|"Cly" in [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]].]]
[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

In the [[comic]], Cly(de) is a villain working for [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Apart from capturing [[Ivy]] and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]], officially [[Sonichu Special 1|''Sonichu Special'' #1]]. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."

He made his first appearance in the comic proper [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] as the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] trolls. When [[Beel]] escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths.
{{clear}}

== Currently ==
[[Image:GaySpiderMan.jpg|thumb|Clyde Cash and his buddy [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]].]]
[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|left|thumb|Clyde with [[The Wallflower]].]]
[[File:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|Chris's bizarre attempt to [[100 2267|impersonate Clyde]].]]
After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris is not very pleased.

In late [[2009]], when not battling [[Liquid Chris]] for the hand of [[Kacey]], Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into [[obesity|shape]] and a desire to frighten Clyde with his [[Chris and Health|bulging muscles]].

Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.<ref>[[ClydeGoingOnGregg1]], [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!]], [[Clyde is Weaker than Water]], [[Getting Foam Ed]], [[Twin Falling Towers]], [[It will never end]], [[Apology for 9/11 Joke]]</ref> Clyde scoffed at [[No More Jokes|the final video]].

However, because of the negative reaction to [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], Chris, in the [[CWCipedia]] mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.{{cite}}

Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in [[2010]], believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "[[The Wallflower]]". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a [[knife]] and [[Don't Mess With Me|slitting Clyde's throat]] as a [[Death threats|warning]] to all [[trolls]].

In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Christian unsuccessfully [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|attempted to scam Clyde]] into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own [[PS3]]. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to [[Surfshack Tito]]'s vigilance.
{{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{collapsible
|Clyde Cash Fan Videos
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan Loves Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|73jIxs5yQLg}}
| Stardate = 17 [[April 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CWCvillelulz CWCvillelulz]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info = It's a love/hate relationship.
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan KILLED Clyde Cash (Never-Before-Seen Footage)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FiTVga0G8Ws}}
| Stardate = 7 [[June 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheClydeCash TheClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Particle-chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NrhdImejktI}}
| Stardate = 1 [[July 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/PodMonkeyCWC PodMonkeyCWC]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Shit Was So Cash!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32XiZC2yG1Y}}
| Stardate = 25 [[April 2010]]
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}
==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[A CWC Audition]]
*[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
==Sauces==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGreggMays Gregg's YouTube account]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jmmyzlznhfa Post-date Conversations] - The part with Clyde begins at about 4:35.
*[http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263141624839RA18 An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash.]
{{Clyde Saga}}
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Cash, Clyde}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category: Clyde Cash Saga]]

Best Buy

2011-02-23T08:58:50Z

UncleBastard:

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[File:BestBuy CCville UBastard.jpg|thumb|right|The Charlottesville branch of Best Buy.]]
[[File:100 Classic Book Collection.jpg|thumb|right|Another entry in the long list of things Chris owns but will never use.]]

The '''Best Buy''' in [[Charlottesville]] is where Chris spends yet more of his [[tugboat]] money on games, [[PSN]] cards and other [[PS3]] accessories. On 22 [[September 2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] leaked a zip file loaded with Chris's Best Buy invoices. Much like his [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|sex store purchases]], Chris appears to prefer buying things which involve a discount or promotion.

== List of documented purchases ==
{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Date Purchased
!align="left"|Description
!align="left"|Type
!align="left"|Price
|-
|27 September 2009
|'''[[PlayStation Network]] Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$15
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''[[Rock Band]] Unplugged - [[PSP]]'''
|PSP Game
|$29.99
|-
|6 October 2009
|'''Internal 500GB 2.5" SATA Hard Drive'''
|Hardware
|$99.99
|-
|6 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$6.50
|-
|14 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|14 October 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:The Haunted World of El Superbeasto|''The Haunted World of El Superbeasto'']]'''
|Blu-ray Disc
|$14.99
|-
|14 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|17 October 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]] - [[PlayStation 3]]'''
|PS3 Game
|$59.99
|-
|17 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|17 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$3
|-
|20 October 2009
|'''[[Transformers]]: [[Wikipedia:Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen|Revenge of the Fallen]]'''
|Blu-ray Disc
|$21.99
|-
|20 October 2009
|
|Tax
|$1.10
|-
|29 October 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|6 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Eye USB Camera for PlayStation 3'''
|Hardware
|$39.99
|-
|6 November 2009
|
|Tax
|$2
|-
|15 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|22 November 2009
|'''''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' Collectible Art PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$5
|-
|24 November 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''[[Nintendo]] Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|3 December 2009
|'''Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|3 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$2
|-
|7 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|8 December 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:Fairytale Fights|Fairytale Fights]]'''
|PS3 Game
|$19.99
|-
|8 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$1
|-
|14 December 2009
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|16 December 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]] Greatest Hits'''
|PS3 Game
|$29.99
|-
|16 December 2009
|
|Tax
|$1.50
|-
|29 December 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:Saints Row 2|Saints Row 2]]'''
|PS3 Game
|$2.99
|-
|29 December 2009
|'''[[Wikipedia:Gran Turismo (PSP)|Gran Turismo]]'''
|PSP Game
|$11.99
|-
|3 [[January 2010]]
|'''[[Wikipedia:Red Faction: Guerrilla|Red Faction: Guerrilla]]'''
|PS3 Game
|$19.99
|-
|3 January 2010
|
|Tax
|$1
|-
|4 January 2010
|'''[[Wikipedia:The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena|The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena]]'''
|PS3 Game
|$9.99
|-
|4 January 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.50
|-
|22 January 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$5
|-
|24 January 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 [[February 2010]]
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$15
|-
|4 February 2010
|'''Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card'''
|Gamecard
|$19.99
|-
|4 February 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 [[March 2010]]
|'''SanDisk - 8GB Memory Stick PRO Duo Memory Card'''
|Hardware
|$34.99
|-
|3 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20
|-
|3 March 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.75
|-
|21 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($20)'''
|Gamecard
|$20
|-
|23 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|25 March 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($50)'''
|Gamecard
|$30
|-
|11 [[April 2010]]
|'''PS-PS3-[[ModNation Racers|MODNATION RACERS]]''' (Pre-order?)
|Unknown
|$5
|-
|11 April 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.25
|-
|25 April 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|29 April 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 [[May 2010]]
|'''2GB SD Memory Card'''
|Hardware
|$9.99
|-
|3 May 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.50
|-
|10 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|20 May 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|3 [[June 2010]]
|'''PNY 4GB Secure Digital High Capacity Memory Card - Pink'''
|Hardware
|$12.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|'''[[Wikipedia:WarioWare D.I.Y.|WarioWare D.I.Y.]]'''
|NDS Game
|$29.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|'''[[Wikipedia:Picross 3D|Picross 3D]]'''
|NDS Game
|$14.99
|-
|3 June 2010
|
|Tax
|$2.90
|-
|18 June 2010
|'''100 Classic Books '''
|NDS Game
|$14.99
|-
|18 June 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|2 [[July 2010]]
|'''Nyko - Zoom Case for Nintendo DSi'''
|Hardware
|$9.99
|-
|2 July 2010
|'''FLAW'''
|NDS Game
|$9.99
|-
|2 July 2010
|
|Tax
|$1
|-
|16 July 2010
|'''[[ModNation Racers]]'''
|[[PSP]] Game
|$19.99
|-
|16 July 2010
|
|Tax
|$1
|-
|30 July 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|5 [[August 2010]]
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|5 August 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|14 August 2010
|'''[[Netflix]] - 1-Month Gift Card'''
|Gamecard
|$8.99
|-
|6 [[September 2010]]
|'''Netflix - 1-Month Gift Card'''
|Gamecard
|$8.99
|-
|17 September 2010
|'''PS3 Eye Camera Mount'''
|Hardware
|$14.99
|-
|17 September 2010
|
|Tax
|$0.75
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''PlayStation Network Card ($10)'''
|Gamecard
|$10
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''[[Wikipedia:Silent Hill (film)#Home media|Silent Hill - Widescreen]]'''
|DVD
|$3.99
|-
|20 September 2010
|'''[[Wikipedia:Resident Evil V|Resident Evil 5]] Gold Edition'''
|PS3 Game
|$29.99
|-
|20 September 2010
|
|Tax
|$1.70
|}

The grand total price of these documented items is [[Chris and money|$1,041.66]] (GB£669; Can$1,071; €797). $360 of this was spent on [[PSN]] cards, $59.97 on [[Nintendo]] Points, and $17.98 on [[Netflix]] gift cards. The invoices show that Chris spent around $776 at Best Buy during 2009, although around $200 of this in unaccounted for - and he may have spent more as it is not known when he opened his rewards account. Chris has saved $75 of your tax dollars through discounts, which does little to redeem his largely frivolous spending habits.

There is a record for what appears to be a canceled transaction on 9 February 2010, for a $19.99 Nintendo Wii 2,000 Points Card. It's possible that Chris's credit card was declined on this occasion, and the fact he didn't purchase anything from Best Buy for nearly a month after would indicate that this was the case.

=== Chris rips off Best Buy ===
In his [[Jackie_E-mails_15|e-mails with Jackie]], Chris talks about working a scam that's long been popular among unscrupulous gamers: buy a game at a discount (in this case a $20 copy of ''Borderlands'' at Toys R Us) and return it to a different chain store that has yet to discount the game (in this case Best Buy, which gave Chris $40 and change in store credit for the return). Smart though this may seem, at least by Chris's standards, he immediately spent the trade-in credit and $3 in cash on more games, DVDs, and PSN trinkets.

=== Gas Chris wasted driving to Best Buy ===
Below are some rough calculations about how much gas Chris has wasted with his trips to Best Buy. The actual amount spent is likely more, as he may drive there regularly to browse or [[Hexbox#HEXBox hatred in public|kick da hexbox]] without spending any money. While Chris has [[Mumble 10|previously mentioned]] that [[Barb|his mother]] pays for his gas, it doesn't change the fact that money was spent on gas that was ultimately wasted by Chris.
{| cellspacing="2" align="center" width="50%" style="text-align: center;"
|-
|align="right"|Driving distance to Best Buy [[Charlottesville]]
|11.7 miles
|19 km
|-
|align="right"|Miles driven per trip
|23.4 miles
|38 km
|-
|align="right"|Estimated MPG of [[Son-Chu]]
|23 MPG <ref>http://www.fueleconomy.gov/m/GetAuto.jsp?year=1994&make=Ford&model=Escort%20Wagon&id=null</ref>
|10.2 L/100km
|-
|align="right"|Estimated gas price in Virginia
|$2.60/gal.
|69¢/L
|-
|align="right"|'''Number of trips we know Chris made'''
|43
|
|-
|align="right"|'''Total distance travelled'''
|1,006.2 miles
|1,619 km
|-
|align="right"|'''Total gas used'''
|43.75 gallons
|165.6 litres
|-
|colspan="3"|'''Total value of gas Chris wasted on trips to Best Buy: $113.75'''
|}

Putting things to perspective, the total distance he traveled to go to Best Buy to spend his tugboat is about equivalent to the distance from Ruckersville to Junction City, Kansas; in other words, a lot of gas could've gone to better use.

== Chris's dealings with Best Buy support ==
Included in the leaked documents were the contents of a support email Chris sent to Best Buy, regarding a "10 Dollar Certificate" which had been redeemed without his consent. While Chris got a pretty standard response to his email, we once again get a glimpse about what happens you come between a manchild and his [[tugboat|free money]].
{{EmailReply|Original Message Follows:
------------------------
FirstName 
CHRISTIAN 
LastName 
CHANDLER 
Email 
CHRISCHANSONICHU@AOL.COM 
MemberID 
0400450047 
Reason for Contact 
Status 
Question or Concern 
I had just logged onto My RewardZone account on the 21st of December to check on
it, only to find my Points had been redeemed for a 10 Dollar Certificate WITHOUT
my approval or Personal Action. It shows that the points were redeemed and the
certificated printed on the 20th; I did not log in on the 20th at all. I think
someone got into my account and redeemed my points and printed the certificate.I
WANT MY 10 DOLLAR CERTIFICATE!Please respond quickly. Thank you.}}
{{Email|Christian,
I apologize for the confusion. Your account is set up to automatically issue a
certificate when you account reaches 250 points so it issued a $10 certificate
automatically on Sunday. There is a 3-5 wait before the certificates can be
printed so they will be ready on Friday.

Sorry for the inconvenience

Thank you for contacting Best Buy Reward Zone
Have a good day}}

==Sauces==
<references />

==Links==
* [http://stores.bestbuy.com/860/ C-Ville's Best Buy Website]

== Download ==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?jqqje1258c603a9 Invoice .ZIP file]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

2010-06-19T09:22:21Z

UncleBastard:

[[File:PokewalkerIRL.jpg|thumb|right|A PokeWalker in real life.]]

The '''PokéWalker of Fail''' is one of Chris' more recently-appearing relics of fail.

A PokéWalker is best described as a hybrid of a pedometer and a Tamagotchi that's Pokeball-shaped. It was originally bundled with the [[Pokemon|Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver]]. Though Chris being the [[autistic|artistic]] fellow that he is, repainted his with Sonichu's colors.

It makes its original début in [[6 June 2010]] and later appears with him in public during the events of the [[Fridays After Five]] Concert that Chris attended on 18 June.
{{Stub}}
{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]

2010-04-27T07:43:34Z

UncleBastard:

[[Image:Amerrabb.jpg|thumb|right|The American Rabbit.]]

{{quote|"I can just barely make him out. What a guy!" 
"Wow, it looks like he's doing a [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Barrel_roll barrel roll]!" [...] 
"Wow, look at that, he IS doing a barrel roll!"|The very last lines of the movie. Seriously.}}

'''''The Adventures of The American Rabbit''''' is an insipid [[1980s|1986]] animated movie directed by [[Wikipedia:Fred Wolf|Fred Wolf]] (of ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ('86)'' fame) about Robert Rabbit, a bunny who is transformed into a superhero to defend his friends, family and land from pollution and the Mafia. All whilst parading around in quite possibly the most [[autistic|retarded]] costume in superhero history: a rabbit painted in the stars and stripes and wearing roller skates (even though he can fly). The American Rabbit actually set the standards for Chris' perception of many things, including himself, America, storytelling, race (something that will become quickly apparent to any viewer of the film in question), honesty and respect for self and others (which, as in the movie, are given much talk for no reason whatsoever.) His claims for being truthful, honest, and decent are almost certainly informed by the shallow cartoon's glossing over of the issues in a ham-handed, incomplete, moralizing fashion. Even the famous cover for [[Sonichu 0]] is plagiarized partially, in an eerie subconscious fashion from a scene early in the film where the gay little rabbit goes out from his home village, encouraged by his father.

The American Rabbit is also Chris's role model in life, on the level of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In Chris's [[Wikipedia]] entry, he stated "they REALLY SHOULD HAVE MADE A TV SERIES of him."

Along with Filmation's ''[[Ghostbusters]]'', ''The American Rabbit'' is another example that Chris's childhood was fed by obscure cartoons that no one's ever heard of.

That or his parents regularly raided bargain bins for videos to keep young Christian amused.

==Influence==
{{quote|The jackals kidnap Rob's gentle gorilla friend Ping (voiced by [[Wikipedia:Garfield_(character)|Garfield]] himself, [[Wikipedia:Lorenzo Music|Lorenzo Music]]) by disguising themselves as a telegram service. A telegram service? In 1986?|Alex Jackson film review}}

{{quote|The nonsense reaches a peak during the third act, when the villains kidnap and enslave two chocolate-producing moose, believing that if they are able to control the chocolate they'll be able to control the world. Huh? Do these two moose represent the entire world's means for chocolate production?|Alex Jackson film review}}

{{quote|The Adventures of the American Rabbit is not good satire, it is not good action, it is not good slapstick, and it is quite certainly not great art. As green as this statement may make me look, the film marks the first time I've actually begun to think that some pictures just plain do not deserve to be criticized, analyzed, or considered in any capacity. To paraphrase our beloved former First Lady Barbara Bush, why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like this?|Alex Jackson film review}}

The American Rabbit may have had a tremendous influence on Chris's narrative style, as the film has numerous plot holes, a generic moral message, moments that make you go "Huh?" (ex. when the antagonist weasels take over the world by kidnapping two moose who are somehow responsible for the entire chocolate supply), and the use of anthropomorphic animals as heroes. In other words, your typical [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]].

==Possible Influences on the Sonichu Comic==

===Anchuent Powers/Legacy===

In the story, Rob Rabbit is visited at birth by a wizened old rabbit, who keeps tabs on him throughout his life until his latent powers are revealed when he saves his family. He then appears in a wizard's robe and tells Robert that he has inherited the Legacy of the American Rabbit. This is very similar to Chris 's [[Anchuent Prophecy]], where he is the chosen one who gets superpowers, for no particular reason.

===Shallow Love Interests===

As soon as Rob meets the [[Rosechu|pink]] Bunny O'Hare, it becomes very obvious that the two are attracted to each other. Granted, unlike the Sonichu comic, American Rabbit actually remembers that it's supposed to be for kids so there's never anything more than a peck on the cheek, but this could easily have set the standard for Chris's idea of love at first sight.

===Worthless Side Characters that All Look Alike===

To be fair, he could have just as easily gotten this from the [[Sonic]] series, but it's just as apparent in American Rabbit as well. The band Rob travels with is called the White Brothers Band, a group made out of five white rabbits that literally look and sound alike. They get mentioned by name once, which I suppose means that Chris at least treats the Chaotic Combo a bit better than them.

===Worthless Side Characters in General===

Supposedly, besides attempting to make money to rebuild a bar, the characters travelling with Rob believe that they have a 'duty to fight against evil', but out of all of them, only Ping, the Garfield-voiced Gorilla, actually does anything against the Jackal antagonists. In fact, he's probably is more effective than Rob is, American Rabbit or not. This is mirrored in Sonichu, where everyone besides Magi-Chan is completely expendable, unless they are just waiting off to the side to dramatically leap in to save their friends, a la [[Darkbind Sonichu]].

===You know what, all the Protagonists are worthless===

With all his superpowers, Rob punches out all of two of the Jackals during the whole movie. Every other time he uses his powers is to save himself and his dipshit friends from another trap the Jackals have sprung on them. At one point, Rob is reduced to a blubbering mess, and has to be given a pep talk by the same wizard who was watching over him as a child before he can finally save the day once and for all. This worthlessness can be seen in both Sonichu AND Chris, especially during the earlier comics where Chris was always getting saved by [[Sailor Megtune]].

===A Villain in a Staff===

Or at least, a villain ON a staff. The main antagonist of the movie, Vultor, is portrayed as a man entirely concealed in a gangster suit and hat, with a staff that doubles as a perch for his pet vulture. It's later revealed that the gangster suit and hat were filled with nothing but air, and that the vulture IS Vultor, and has been controlling the suit in a way that is never addressed by the movie. While [[Count Graduon]] isn't controlling [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he certainly calls the shots.

===Plot Holes and Loose Ends===

In fact, lots of things aren't addressed by the movie. The whole reason Rob and his band start to travel America is to raise money to rebuild a bar, but all the venues they plan to play at get destroyed, they lose their car, and even their instruments. At the very end of the movie they can't even afford to rent new ones, but this point is never addressed since the fact that Vultor has been defeated automatically means it's a happy ending. Not to mention the utterly retarded 'chocolate moose' plot that is addressed by the above quotes. Since American Rabbit is just a single hour and a half movie made for children, it at least has an excuse, whereas Chris will either forget about plot points in Sonichu until he's reminded in the Mailbag, or have the story in his head all along and expect everyone else to magically understand it, and get angry when they inevitably don't.

==See also==
*''[[Bugs Bunny]]''

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=F7126A24BA3010C7&search_query=The+Adventures+of+the+American+Rabbit+%281986%29// Watch the vomit inducing piece of shit.]
*[[Wikipedia:The_Adventures_of_the_American_Rabbit|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.filmfreakcentral.net/dvdreviews/americanrabbit.htm Review by Alex Jackson]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]